#creativitwin angst
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thinking about how even before we knew romanâs name, he was âprinceyâ. like yes they called him creativity sometimes, but more often (iirc) he was referred to with his royal title.
thinking about how remus was introduced as âthe dukeâ and didnât even let them try and assign him his own category, even if that meant revealing his name in his debut episode
because roman isnt the full creativity. and remus isnt some seperate concept. they are creativity. together.
#mildly unrelated but like patton was almost certainly the cause of the split right? theres gotta be some great angst potential in that#anyway#creativitwins#sanders sides angst#remus sanders#roman sanders#sanders sides
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You couldn't take the headcanon of Roman being physically warm and glowing a little like a ball of light and Remus radiating cold like a corpse and having a persistent aura of darkness around him from me if you tried.
Something about them both using their powers of creativity to subtly influence the way Thomas & the other sides perceive them. Warm and welcoming vs fear-inducing and Wrong.
Kid Remus finding it funny to put cold hands on people for a reaction, so he made it permanent to fuck with the other dark sides (heat-seeking creatures) when they were all together as friends, and being vibrantly dark whether he used to want it or not just by merit of how Thomas views him and his role. Roman doing the opposite way back when for the light sides because Patton and Logan both used to love how bright and comfortable he could be and compliment how much like a little star he was.
The twins balancing the temperature of a room every time they're there together, and maybe using it for perfectly temperatured cuddling back when they got along. They belong fitted together but neither of them will ever want that again.
Roman being horribly touch starved so he tries to incentivize people to touch him vs Remus being painfully touch averse and trying to get people to NOT.
Roman slowly getting colder and dimmer the more upset he is but forcing the warmth to stay because maybe it'll make someone comfort him since he's useful as a heater. Remus slowly warming and staring to shimmer when he's happy or excited but trying to keep cold so that he doesn't have to deal with the prospect of any piece of him being likeable.
#sanders sides#roman sanders#remus sanders#creativitwins#angst#because i can never stop myself#can you tell i think about this a lot?
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Sticks, Stones, and Words That Do Hurt
Summary: Despite Remusâ comforting attempt at making him feel better about his bruises, Roman still feels awful as he endures the mistreatment the others put him through. Thereâs only so much one bruised prince can take before he snaps.
Pairings: None, BROTHERLY CREATIVITWINS
WARNING: BRUISES, UNINTENTIONAL UNSYMPATHETIC SIDES, ROMAN ANGST
(A/N: This fic is inspired by Insult To Injury by @part-time-zombie! Hi, friend! I hope you don't mind this little companion piece!)
AO3 LINK
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Usually the saying goes, âSticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.â Unfortunately, it doesnât seem to apply to Roman and his fragile ego. Someone had to take all the hits that Thomas got and Roman was willing to. Surprisingly, the bruises that Roman received from Thomasâ slips ups and wounded pride werenât as painful as the ones Roman received from the others whenever he himself messed up and was mocked for it. What makes it hurt more is that none of them cared. None of them realize just how painful their words are. How it leaves his skin covered in several patches of painful bruises. Bruises so bad that it leaves Roman writhing and crying. These bruises have even made it hard to fall asleep at night, the pain keeping Roman up until the sun came out.
           Lately though, Romanâs gotten some relief from his bruises. Itâs temporary but heâll take what he can get. What he can get is Remusâ strange way of comforting and caring for him. ItâsâŚa bit new to him, sort of dizzying. He had half expected Remus to laugh at him and call him a loser. Maybe prod at every bruise and make it hurt worse butâŚhe didnât. Remus was there by his side, trying to ease the ache from his bruises. Roman has come to appreciate it, seeking Remus out when his bruises get really bad. It comforts him to know that at least one person is on his side.
           However, that doesnât end the abuse that Roman still puts up with from the others. Patton still scolds and guilt trips him for any slip-ups and mistakes without letting Roman explain his side of the story. Logan still lectures him, dismissing idea after idea and glaring at him in contempt. Virgil still makes fun of him, teasing him for everything he does and putting him down because the anxious side thinks itâs fun. Janus still manipulates Roman, using his own words against him and constantly reminding him of his massive ego. The same ego that is slowly crumbling apart with every bruise the others unknowingly deal to him. One day though, that ego is going to shatter and Romanâs going to break. Not even Remus could stop this.
           It starts out small at first. Roman had just come back from a meeting, groaning in pain as he shuts the door and locks it. It wouldnât stop anyone from sinking in but at least no one will just barge in. Roman didnât want to see anyone after the fiasco that was him sharing his recent ideas. He didnât need any more bruises on top of the ones already coloring his skin. With another groan, Roman changes into loose clothes, summons some ice packs, and flops onto his bed. He sighs and stares at the ceiling as he lays under the many ice packs on his arms, legs, and stomach.
           Roman doesnât know why he had to be cursed with an ego so fragile that he bruises just as much as a rotten fruit. Maybe he is a rotten fruit. Nobody wanted rotten, no good, bruised, fruit. Sighing, Roman hopes Remus comes around soon. He was still talking with the others when the princely side decided to slip away as soon as the meeting ended. At least Remus didnât care if his fruit was rotten.
âOf course, heâd like rotten fruit. He likes gross stuff. Iâm gross.â
âWho said you were gross?â
Roman blinks and looks up to see Remus sinking up and going over to his bed.
âOh, hi, Ree. No one said that. I did. Iâm a gross, rotten fruit.â
Remus chuckles.
âYouâre not gross. Annoying, sometimes, but not gross.â
Another tiny bruise appears and Roman groans, shifting under his melting ice pack.
âNot helping, dummy.â
âAh, shit. Sorry, sorry.â Remus winces.
Roman sighs.
âItâs fine.â
           Remus frowns, seeing the many ice packs. It actually makes him sad to see his brother looking like grocery store meat in a freezer. Usually, his twin always looked so bright, sparkly, and happy. Heâs never, ever seen him soâŚbroken. He never knew he was so broken. That he took so many blows to protect Thomasâ ego. He especially never knew how awful the others were to his brother and they didnât even know that. They didnât even care or bother to understand.
With a huff, Remus plops down onto Romanâs bed.
âSoâŚdid the others do this again? Need me to bash in some heads?â he asks, fixing one of the ice packs that started to slide off of Romanâs leg.
Roman sighs and nods.
âThey did. They werenât really happy with my ideas. And no, please donât bash any heads in. Itâll make things worse.â he mumbles.
âDamn. I just wanna wring their necks and show those fucks what theyâre doing to you, Ro.â
Roman lets out a hollow, empty laugh. Itâs not him at all.
âYou donât think I tried to tell them? All they did was call me dramatic.â he sighs. âIâm tired, Ree. I donât know how much longer I can stand this.â
Before Remus can respond, he watches in horror as some bruises grow darker and new ones appear in between.
âRo, stop. Donât say that shit. Youâre hurting yourself too.â
âWho hasnât hurt me?â
Oh, RomanâŚ
Remus falls silent. He canât really answer that question as if he were innocent. Heâs hurt Roman countless of times, and he hadnât realized until now just how much Roman internalized each word. The dark duke can only deflate in guilt as he looks over this twin.
Roman then turns his head, gazing back with dull green eyes that seem almost unfamiliar to Remus. Theyâre supposed to be as bright as emerald jewels.
âDonât look at me like that, Ree. Donât pity meâŚâ the prince mumbles before looking up at the ceiling again.
âI wasnât. I justâŚfuck, RoRo. I didnât realize I was really hurting you. I thought we were doing what siblings normally do, yâknow? I never knew that you really believed in all that awful shit I said.â Remus sighs. âUgh, mushy feelings. Gross.â
Roman cracks a tiny smile.
âI donât think weâre normal siblings, considering youâve knocked me out unconscious.â
âShut up, I feel bad enough already.â Remus grins, rolling his eyes fondly as he chuckles. Romanâs smiling. Good.
âI know. But Iâm going to use that against you all I want.â
âIâm never going to hear the end of that, am I?â
Roman giggles a bit and his bruises lighten somewhat as the tinier ones fade. Itâs moments like these that he clings onto, using them as his painkillers. Actual pills can only numb the pain so much until that pain returns to wake him up in the middle of the night. He doesnât mean to be overly dependent on Remus, but he had no one else. Remus was the only one who actually understood him. Roman wishes these moments would last just a bit longer, his laughter subsiding as he groans again from all the movement. Itâs quiet for a moment before Roman speaks again.
âRee?â
Remus hums in reply.
âSometimes I wish I was like you.â Roman sighs.
That catches Remus off guard. He thought Roman wanted to be nothing like him.
âBut you said...â
Roman looks away in guilt.
âI know. Iâm sorry. Iâm still trying to figure out all of this good and evil made-up nonsense.â he swallows. âButâŚI think, more than anything, I envied you. I thought if I were better than you, theyâd love me more. Theyâd care more. I did everything they wanted, and it still wasnât enough.â
âFucking hell, RoâŚâ Remus breathes out.
âThen I saw how they were with you. They werenât annoyed or mad or called you dramatic. You didnât care what they thought of you. You were allowed to be whatever or whoever you wanted. You never got in trouble for it.â
âBut you donât need to be like me, Ro. Youâre cool on your own!â
Roman sniffs and shakes his head.
âIâm not. IâmâŚIâm a loser. I canât even be a proper prince.â
A new bruise appears, dark red against pale skin. Remusâ eyes widen. Oh no.
âRo, wait!â
âI canât come up with good ideas. Iâm a failure of a side and everyone knows it.â
Another bruise appears and another. The ones already there darken again.
âRo!â
Roman sniffles, tears rolling down his face.
âI really am a no good, rotten fruit.â
Another bruise and another and another and-
âRoman, stop! Youâre hurting yourself again!â Remus cries. âJustâŚjust stop saying that shit. I know itâs hard to believe but youâre more than what anyone else says, okay? You. Are. Vital.â
Roman trembles as each bruise throbs and aches.
âReeâŚâ
Remus feels tears pricking his own eyes.
âYouâre my brother and I donât like seeing you hurting yourself or getting hurt by the others. Youâre just as important as them, okay?â the dark duke sniffs, fixing another ice pack that fell off of Romanâs arm.
âI donât know, ReeâŚI guessâŚI justâŚI want to scream at them, but I feel like Iâll just be screaming at brick walls. Iâm so, so tired.â Roman mumbles. âBut maybe I deserve itâŚâ
Remus sighs. His poor brother. Sure, heâs had awful, awful thoughts of seeing his brother hurt or him hurting his brother, but he never really wanted to see it through.
âNo, Ro. You donât deserve this bruised ego shit. Not one bit, okay?â he shakes his head and huffs. âLook, just let me confront them. If they wonât listen to you, Iâll make them.â
Roman shakes his head, more tears dripping down his face.
âNo, no! They wonât listen, Ree. I told you. They donât care. They wonât believe you anyway. JustâŚbe here, okay?â he mumbles.
âButâŚokay.â Remus sighs once more. âBut youâll have to tell them sometime, Ro. This isnât right.â
Roman nods numbly.
âIâll try but if they still wonât listenâŚI donât know what Iâll do.â
âIâll still be here, Ro. I canât really heal your bruises, but Iâll try not to make them worse.â Remus ruffles his hair.
âThanks, Ree. Can you stay a little longer today? I wanna nap but I donât want the others bothering me if they sink in here.â
âSure, Ro. Iâm always here for you, brother.â
âThanks, Ree. Iâm glad you at least donât hate me.â
Before Remus could say anything more, Romanâs started to drift off under his many, melting ice packs. The dark duke sighs and gets comfortable, leaning against the headboard as he sits and watches over his brother.
âOh, RoâŚif only you knewâŚâ
           Roman unfortunately remains blind and disbelieving of what Remus is trying to show him, choosing to continue to listen to the barrage of awful words that the other sides throw at him. It only makes things worse for Roman as the days pass by. Yet, Roman presses on, stubborn to the point that he feels as if he could do this. The poor, broken prince really wanted to believe in sticks and stones.
           So, here that prince stood one day as he made himself breakfast. With his bruise still aching as they healed, Roman had to pour his cereal slowly and carefully so he wouldnât spill and make a mess. He did not want to give the others anymore fuel to use against him. With his cereal poured, Roman puts the box away and grabs the big milk jug. The plastic feels nice and cold against his palms and for a moment, the prince is tempted to hug it for relief on his bruisesâŚand maybe because he might possibly want a hug.
A faint snicker snaps him out of his thoughts but Roman dares not to turn around.
âHey, princey! You awake in there?â comes Virgilâs teasing voice. Great. âYou really gotta get out of your head, dude. Not like youâll find anything there.â
Janus chuckles. Oh no.
âPlease, Iâd be surprised if he found anything at all.â
âNow, now, kiddos. Iâm sure Roman just didnât get his beauty sleep. You know how much he needs it.â Patton chimes in.
It doesnât really sound like scolding and all Roman can do is bite his tongue as bruises begin to bloom one by one under his costume. His hands tremble as he unscrews the cap, trying to ignore the others talking while he began pouring his milk.
           Meanwhile, Remus sits and watches as the others practically insult Roman, not realizing the damage theyâre doing. They probably think theyâre knocking his brother down a peg or two. It makes Remusâ blood boil but Roman had begged him not to do anything. Yet, not doing anything wonât stop Romanâs pain or make it hurt any less. Especially when the others keep talking.
âIâm not surprised that Roman is in his head again. He seems to never leave it, really.â Logan hums without looking up from his newspaper.
Virgil laughs.
âHow could he? Itâs his favorite place.â
âAnd it matches his ego.â Janus teases.
           Roman jolts at that one and as a dark bruise starts spreading under his shirt, he jerks in pain and ends up splashing milk all over himself and the counter. Great. At least the cold liquid will ease the pain a little bit. Sighing, Roman sets the jug aside and summons a towel. He ignores the pain and moves to clean up his mess, hiding his embarrassed face as he hears laughter erupt behind him.
âGoodness, kiddo. You really do need your beauty sleep.â Patton chuckles. âYouâre such a mess.â
âOh, wow.â Virgil wheezes. âYou really were deep in that big head of yours, dude.â
âGoodness, Roman. Better not start crying over that spilled milk.â Janus adds.
           Remus watches as everyone laughs and teases Roman. They must think itâs all in good fun, but he knows better and glances at his twin. Roman is staring at his half-filled bow that barely got any milk. Still, Remus sits quietly and shifts in his seat. Usually, he would join in on teasing Roman but now he can only watch as his twin is practically and unknowingly being insulted by the others. Remus doesnât even want to imagine how awful the new bruises are going to look.
           As for Roman, he finishes cleaning up the mess and puts the milk away. He also makes the towel and his bowl of uneaten cereal disappear. He doesnât feel like having breakfast anymore. Faking a smile, Roman turns to the others and shrugs despite the searing pain in his arms.
âYou know what? Thatâs okay. I wasnât too hungry.â he chuckles slightly. âIâŚI think Iâll just work on those scripts.â
âAre you serious? Youâre gonna have a fit and skip breakfast because you spilled some milk? Wow, youâre sooo dramatic, Roman.â Janus hisses, shaking his head at Roman.
âWho knew the prince reforms into a beast without beauty sleep?â Virgil adds.
âWell, Roman tends to beâŚclumsier when heâs tired.â Patton chuckles. âBut yes, Roman. No need to get upset over spilled milk. You can make another bowl if you want but weâre all done eating, so youâll have to eat alone. Sorry, kiddo.â
âIâm sure heâd rather focus on himself anyway, Pattonâ Logan chimes in.
           Roman winces again and tries his best to not lose any bit of his composure as more and more bruises appear under his clothes while the others that were healing are back to where they started if not worse. He keeps the smile on his face despite his eyes shining with unshed tears.
âNo, really. Iâm not hungry. Iâll just eat when I can. Excuse me.â
           With that, Roman sinks out and Remus stares at where his brother was standing. Everyone else was still laughing about Roman and Remus had to hold back from knocking all four of their heads together. Sighing, Remus quietly sneaks away too before anyone could notice he was even there, huffing under his breath as he tries to ignore the othersâ fading laughter.
           Remus then sinks up into Romanâs room andâŚoh no. Romanâs back in his pajamas, dark red and blue and purple bruises all over his arms and legs. This time Romanâs decided not to summon any ice packs and has chosen instead to curl up. Remus can just barely hear his sobbing as he leans closer to look at his brotherâs new bruises. The dark dukeâs tummy curls in discomfort. This is so, so wrong. Completely wrong. Why canât the others just see that theyâre breaking Roman into bruised little pieces? That itâs hurting Remus himself too? Remus rubs at his eyes, trying not to let any tears fall. Roman needs him.
âRoâŚâ Remus sighs, sitting by Roman.
Roman hiccups, turning to look at Remus. Oh no, thereâs some small bruises on Romanâs face too. Are the others still talking about Roman downstairs?
âRee, it hurts. My entire body hurts. My heart hurts. I-I wanna tell them so bad.â the prince whimpers.
âWhy donât you?â
âBecause��Because I just canât.â
Remus ruffles Romanâs hair, scratching at his scalp in an attempt to comfort him. Itâs a strange thing for him to do. Heâs never had to comfort his brother. Then again, he never saw just how much he was suffering behind his princely mask.
âAre you ever going to tell them?â the dark duke asks.
Roman sniffs, shrugging.
âI donât know, Ree. I already told you, theyâre not going to listen to me.â he mumbles, leaning into Remusâ touch.
Remus sighs, moving closer to Roman.
âThen what are you going to do? You canât hide and mope here forever.â
âI donât know either.â
Roman then shifts and turns to lay on his other side, his back to Remus now. Remus sighs once again, staring at his poor brother.
âRoâŚyou canât keep letting them hurt youâŚâ
           Yet, Roman lets himself suffer more and more each day. His bruises grow darker, each one more painful than ever. Still, Roman remains quiet. He lets the others throw insult after insult at him. He agrees with everything they say about him, even if most of what theyâre saying is not true. After each tirade, Roman would return to his bedroom with his skin covered in many, many bruises. Sometimes, a few would appear on his face and the prince would merely just apply some foundation to cover it up should he need to make an appearance later.
           As days became weeks became months, Romanâs pain got worse and worse. Sometimes, he couldnât even leave his bed and Remus had to disguise himself and take over for Roman. He knows it wonât fool the others long, especially with Virgil and Janus watching him. Still, Roman refused to confront the others and Remus knew it wasnât his place to bring up Romanâs troubles.
Even then, Remus wishes he could say something or even scream until he couldnât so the others could wake up for once and see how horrible they really are. Since he canât though, Remus can only comfort his twin through it all as he worries what will happen if Roman keeps letting them abuse him. If the others kept pushing Roman and kicking him down, heâs going to break. The ego is going to break, and the others donât even realize that. It terrifies Remus, really. Nothing usually terrifies him but the thought of seeing his brother in a completely broken state is one that has been keeping him up at night.
One day though, Remus knew it was getting really bad. Roman knew it too but pushed on as he stood by during todayâs discussion. They were going over Thomasâ regular schedule along with his filming schedule as things needed to be arranged. Roman remained quiet, only speaking when spoken to as he tried his best to smile through the pain. He even forced himself to bear the pain from even the tiniest movements he would make. Despite his body aching more and more by the second, Roman kept his act up. The show must go on after all. Roman feigns another strained smile and-
âHey, Princey! In that big, empty head of yours again?â comes Virgilâs teasing voice.
Roman laughs, doing his best to put all his energy into it. Virgil means well. Virgil means well. Virgil means well. Virgil means-
âY-Yeah, sorry about that. Did you need me for something?â the prince stammers.
âYes, Roman. We need youâŚâ Logan starts.
Oh!
âTo please pay attention in this discussion.â
Oh.
Another bruise appears and Roman quickly tugs his right sleeve down, Remus frowning beside him.
âR-Right. Iâm sorry, Logan.â Roman feigns another smile. âI justâŚhave a lot going on in my mind, being creativity and all.â
Logan sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.
âYes, but please put them aside for the moment. Daydreams will only add delay to the schedule, and I donât have the time to rearrange the deadlines and disrupt Thomasâ work pattern.â he huffs.
âHey, come on, whale dork. Roâs trying his best. No need to get bitchy about all this.â Remus cuts in, seeing the subtle way Roman was shrinking in on himself.
Roman shoots a grateful glance towards Remus as he rubs his own arms while no oneâs looking.
âI wouldnât have to beâŚwell, that, if Roman would just stay focused and out of his head.â Logan retorts, fixing his tie. âHonestly, I donât know how he gets anything done at all.â
Roman winces, feeling a bruise spreading on his back as he hugs himself.
âIâŚI do get my work done and you know that, Logan.â He huffs, trying to defend himself.
Remus is proud for a moment.
âTrue, but I also know you have the tendency to finish that work past the deadline we agreed on. Youâre always making excuses as well.â Logan lectures, eyeing Roman with disappointment.
Remus frowns again and his hands ball up into fists that quickly turn white as he tries to hold himself back while Roman himself holds back unshed tears.
âT-Theyâre not excuses. Sometimes I have setbacks, and the work takes a little longer. It doesnât mean the schedule is ruined completely.â
âLast I checked, Roman you have caused several delays in the schedule in just the last month. The others might have caused minor delays, but your delays have affected the schedule the most.â Logan points out, checking his notepad.
Roman can barely stop a soft squeak from slipping out as more and more bruises appear.
âB-But itâs not like I do it on purpose!â he stammers. âCreative work takes just as much time as your work does and sometimes it takes longer!â
Logan frowns angrily. Oh no.
âAre you seriously comparing our functions right now? How self-important must you be, Roman? For once in your life, get that ego under control.â he growls.
âIt is under control! A-And Iâm not comparing, Iâm just explaining that my work takes a lot of time too and sometimes even more time!â Roman cries, not caring if the tears finally fell.
âOh, shut up, Roman! Iâve had enough of your dramatic whining!â Logan seethes. âIf youâre going to act like a diva during this whole discussion, I suggest you remove yourself from the group and stay in your room.â
Remus nearly lunges at Logan but stays in his spot as his nails dig into his skin. Meanwhile, Roman feels more and more bruises appearing, the existing ones searing with pain.
âI-IâŚâ
âHey, kiddo? Maybe Loganâs right. Why donât you cool off and get yourself together? Maybe you can join in the next discussion when youâre much more focused.â Patton suggests after a moment of silence.
âB-But-!â
âCome on, Princey. Donât start again. We donât need an encore of your little diva tantrum.â Virgil huffs.
âYes, and itâs not like creativity is needed here at the moment.â Janus adds.
Roman trembles as he feels a big, hot-white painful bruise bloom over his heart.
ââŚYouâre right. Iâm sorry.â
âRo, wait- â
But Roman quickly sinks out.
           Once Roman finally got back to his room, he stumbled to his bed. Every step was excruciating. It was as if his body was bathed in hot lava. Every bruise screamed and stabbed at him as he laid out in bed, barely able to move and too much in pain to summon even a single ice pack. Letting the tears fall again, Roman sniffles and lets himself just lay there. He deserves it. He deserves every single bruise. He wants to scream and yell and tell the others everything butâŚthey would never listen. They wouldnât care. He tells himself that over and over and over so it would never leave his mind.
           As Roman lays and suffers and sniffles, he wonders what the others are doing. They must be continuing the discussion as if they didnât just kick him out. They must be happier now that heâs out of the way. They must have forgotten all about him. That agonizing thought alone gives Roman a few more bruises, making him groan. He must look completely awful. Worse than the rotten fruit he thought he was. At least the others didnât have to see this. Roman could just lay here and-
âRo!â
âRemus?â
           Remus goes over to Romanâs side as soon as heâs in the room. He looks his twin over and is horrified to see more bruises than the last time. Reds and blues mixed with yellows and greens cover Romanâs arms and legs. Remus is almost too afraid to know how bad it is under Romanâs clothes. And Remus is almost never afraid of anything. Holding his rage back, Remus sits by Roman and summons some ice packs for his brother.
âRoâŚwhy do you keep letting them hurt you?â Remus sighs as he starts placing ice packs on his brother.
Roman almost wants to cry from the cold relief heâs being given. That darker part of his mind hisses that he doesnât deserve it though.
ââŚI donât know, Ree. It just feelsâŚeasier. I mean, someone has to keep the ego from getting too big.â
Remus huffs, placing the last ice pack on Romanâs forearm.
âYeah, but if they keep shrinking it down, theyâll only break you completely.â he sighs before drooping and letting out a single tear. âIâŚI donât want to see you break, Ro. I canât lose you again.â
âRee...â
           Sometimes, Roman feels as if heâs selfish. From wanting that damn callback to dragging Thomas around just to get him to talk to the cute guy in the food court to this. Remus is hurting too and itâs all because of him. Why canât he just do something right? Why did he have to be the one in charge of wants, wishes, and dreams when he canât even reach any of them? When he's constantly forced to watch every single one of those dreams shatter like paper-thin glass under fateâs hands? What was the point of being in charge of those dreams and wishes if he was punished for daring to reach out to them? Why-
âRoRo, youâre doing it again! Stop it! Stop giving yourself bruises!â Remus wails.
Roman glances at himself in a nearby mirror and he feels himself break just a little more.
âIâŚI canât help it, Ree. I canât!â he sobs. âI canât stop thinking about them! About me and about everything wrong with me!â
           Remus feels lost. Right now, heâs watching his brother fall apart bit by bit and he feels so helpless. Despite the fights and insults theyâve been through, Remus would never wish anything awful on his brother. Sure, the voices in his head were annoying and often loved to give him sickly scenarios of Roman in various forms of torture but Remus would never bring that thought into existence. Seeing his twin covered in so many bruises that are getting worse by the second is something he wished were just a terrible thought. For once, he didnât want to imagine what would happen if they got any worse. If the others donât stop thenâŚ
Remus sniffles at that thought.
âRo, you have to tell them. You have to listen to me and believe that youâre more than the shit they give you. You canât keep letting them abuse you!â
Roman shakes his head, still sobbing.
âBut they wonât listen!â
Remus sighs and huffs.
âYou donât know that!â
âYes, I do!â
âFor fuckâs sake, Ro! Why do you keep running and hiding, you damn coward?!â
Roman groans and his bruises darken, making Remus hiss.
âShit, shit! I forgot! Sorry, Ro!â the dark duke flails, fixing the ice packs.
ââŚItâs fine.â Roman grits, the throbbing slowly subsiding moments later.
Remus shakes his head. âItâs not. Shit, RoâŚâ
           Remus takes a moment to think of his next words. Sometimes he forgets that Roman is a little fragile now. Itâs as if he could physically shatter with one soft touch. Thatâs the terrible, no-good part though. Romanâs not supposed to be fragile and broken. Heâs supposed to be big, brave, strong, and powerful. Right nowâŚRoman just looks sad. It makes Remusâ heart ache even more. This really isnât right and if he hadnât promised Roman that he wouldnât tell the others about his bruises, heâd be marching down there right now to yell at them. The dark duke sighs and blinks away more tears.
âRoâŚâ Remus swallows a lump in his throat, trying so hard not to cry. âTell me...why donât you want to tell them.â
Roman sighs.
âI already told you. I just canât.â
Remus shakes his head.
âBut there has to be another reason. Something more?â
ââŚIf I told you, youâd think it was silly.â
âItâs not silly, Ro. Itâs something holding you back from telling those shits what youâre dealing with and the fact that theyâre affecting you.â
Roman sniffles, glancing up at Remus as he thinks on his words.
âYou promise you wonât laugh?â
âI promise.â
Roman nods then stares at his bruised hands as he swallows the last of his little pride.
âIâŚIâm scared, Ree.â
Remusâ heart aches. His poor, poor brotherâŚ
âScared of what, Ro?â
Roman sniffs as the past events play in his head. The cereal fiasco, the argument between him and Logan, every single moment in his life where the others caused him so much pain without ever noticing.
âThat even if I did tell them and they finally saw meâŚthings would never change.â he admits. âTheyâd just feel bad and blame themselves, treat me like Iâm some fragile thing that they can just fix, and then when I think Iâm okayâŚtheyâll break me all over again and go back to not caring.â
Remus feels his fists clench again. He promised. He promised. He promised.
âWhat else, Ro?â he gently presses, breathing out as he pushes his anger down.
Roman sighs.
âIâm scared theyâll never believe me. That Iâm just seeking attention. That theyâll always see me as someone to keep kicking down so the ego doesnât get too big.â
âFuck, RoâŚthatâsâŚfuck, I really wish youâd let me do the talking. I canât believe theyâve broken you so muchâŚâ
           Roman feels something wet on his arm and he looks up to see RemusâŚcrying. Remus almost never cries. Itâs very rare that Roman sees his twin cry. Somehow, Roman feels like itâs his fault that Remus is crying. They are able to feel each otherâs pain after all, but he never wanted to drag his brother into his suffering. It wasnât fair to him.
           Still, Roman feels so tired. He wants the pain to go away. He wants to stop crying and to sleep normally again. He wants to stop aching and dying inside. Unfortunately, faking a smile and playing his regular act of being okay was slowly starting to crumble. MaybeâŚMaybe he wanted to snap too. He wanted to scream and show them all his bruises. Let them wallow and drown in their guilt. Maybe he does want them to be the ones that feel bad for a change. Romanâs almost tempted to just tell them and let them beg on their knees for forgiveness. Isnât that whatâs supposed to happen in the first place?
           Roman feels selfish thinking about it though. He would be no better, making the others suffer because of his own pain. Remus is suffering already because of him. The princeâs thoughts feel all mixed up now, whirling around his head as if it were a spinning salad spinner. Sighing, Roman glances at Remus again as the last few tears slide his face. What a sad, pathetic prince he really is.
Then-
âYou know what? What if you donât have to tell them?â Remus breaks the silence a moment later.
Roman blinks at his twin.
âBut I thought you wanted me to tell them?â
âYou said they wouldnât listen right? Then weâll show them instead. Show them what theyâve done to you. Show them how much theyâve hurt you. They canât deny it with the evidence right here!â
âI donât know, ReeâŚI donât want them to start feeling bad and then try to fix things just because they feel like they have to and then go back to being awful once they think Iâm okay.â
Remus holds up one of Romanâs arms, keeping the ice pack from slipping off.
âTrust me, Ro. I donât think theyâll even try to say one horrible thing after seeing these bruises.â he affirms, patting Romanâs gently.
Roman sighs. Itâs a good idea butâŚ
âStillâŚI donât know if I can handle them if they start pitying meâŚâ
âYou donât have to. You donât have to forgive them until you feel ready. Hell, they donât deserve your forgiveness at all if thatâs what you feel like too.â Remus huffs. âThis is about you, Ro. Not them.â
The bruised prince leans against Remusâ side, taking comfort from him as he usually does.
âYou really think theyâll finally understand?â
âI know so! And no matter what happens, Iâve got your back.â
           Silence falls in for a moment as Roman mulls over Remusâ words. For someone who doesnât really bring up his own issues and chooses to stuff it in a coffin, Remus seems to have a good point. Roman himself hasnât really had a chance to tell them how he really feels. Heâs gotten terrifyingly good at acting and wearing a gleaming smile. Meanwhile, all of his true feelings end up being forced back down his throat as he tries his best not to let them back out.
There were so many times he wanted to scream and cry but held back. A prince does not throw tantrums after all. Roman huffs at that thought. Heâs tired of being told how to be a prince. As he thinks about it more and more, Remusâ idea sounded very, very appealing. Roman wanted to show them just what exactly they were doing to him. All of it. The prince rubs his tears away.
âIâll do it.â
Remus blinks in surprise, turning to look at his twin.
âYou will? I mean, it was an idea but you donât- â
Roman shakes his head, staring at his bruises once more.
âI want to. Youâre right, Ree. If I canât make them listen. Iâll show them just how much theyâre hurting me.â
âRoâŚâ
âIâm tired of hurting all the time, Ree. Iâm tired of the bruises and the insultsâŚand their ignorance. I want it to stop and at this point, Iâll do anything.â
Remus smiles softly, ruffling the princeâs hair.
âI knew youâd come around. Iâm proud of you, Ro. Iâll be on your side when we confront everyone.â
Roman feels some of the ache in his body lighten.
âThank you, Ree.â
âAlways! So, when do you want to do this?â
Roman, for the first time in months, cracks a tiny smile.
âThere is a meeting coming up in two daysâŚâ
Remus smiles even bigger.
âHow convenient!â
           Roman finds himself a little eager after this. Nervous too but mostly eager. Heâs been through enough pain, and heâs tired of being quiet about it. Heâs never been excited for an upcoming meeting either, that same eagerness overlapping with dread. Part of him worries that it wonât work, and itâll get worse, but he reminds himself that heâs always got Remus in the end. Even if the others still wonât understand or listen to him, at least Remus will.
âRo?â
           Roman blinks and heâs at the meeting. The two days had gone by fast. The wait felt as if time was going by oh so very slowly. Still, here they were now. Roman was finally about to show them once and for all. Everyone had been surprised when he showed up in a loose long-sleeved shirt rather than just his prince costume. Sighing, Roman watches the meeting go on before turning to his twin. Theyâve both been ignored for the meantime.
âWhat is it, Ree?â Roman asks, fiddling with his sleeve.
âI thought you were going to show them.â Remus answers, nodding to his brotherâs sleeves.
âI am. I just didnât want to do it too soon. Theyâd just call me clumsy or think Iâm faking. I want them to see as it happens.â
Remus nods in understanding.
âOkay, Ro. Iâm here if you need me to sink you out or yâknowâŚâ
Roman giggles softly.
âRee, no.â
âEh, worth a shot.â
           The twins giggle again and for a moment Roman feels a little less sore. Heâs really glad to have a brother like Remus, strange as that is. He reminds himself to be a little kinder and more patient with Remus after this is all over. Taking a deep breath, Roman rolls his sleeves up and gazes at his bruises. Now all he has to do is wait for one of the others to-
âRoman, are you paying attention?â
There it is.
Roman looks up at Logan.
âApologies, Specs. I got lost in thought again.â
Logan sighs, pushing up his glasses.
âIâm not surprised. Please, try to focus. Even if Creative input isnât needed.â
âO-Of course, Logan.â Roman answers as he winces.
Then Virgil lets out a huff.
âCome on, L. Princeyâs probably thinking about himself again. I mean, at least somethingâs going on in that big, empty head of his.â
âMy, and I thought that ego had stopped growing.â Janus adds.
Roman winces again and again, letting them go at it as new bruises appear and the old ones once again darken.
âI canât help it. IâŚI am in charge of the ego.â he feigns a smile.
Logan sighs and nods.
âYes, Roman. You constantly remind us every second of each day.â
Virgil snickers.
âAgain, big head, Lo. Canât miss that, either.â
           Laughter fills the air for a moment and Roman tries not to crumble from the growing pain. This is what he wanted to happen. He winces as more and more and more bruises cover his body, painting his arms red and purple, black and blue. It hurts so much but he chose this. Theyâre going to see what theyâve done to him. Despite all the pain, Roman stays quiet and lets them talk, waiting patiently until they notice him.
           Meanwhile, Remus feels a little worried, watching his brother take the brunt of all this. He shifts restlessly on his feet and glances at his twin, frowning at his darkening bruises. Strangely, Remus can feel them throbbing in pain. He hates that his brother has to go through this so often. That his brother had to suffer because his ego was a little more fragile than anybody elseâs. Still, Remus is also proud of his brother. Romanâs been quiet about his pain for years now. He knows Roman needs this. Even if it means the others wonât care or will only start to care now.
âOkay, kiddos. Letâs focus on the meeting and not worry about Roman right now.â Patton chimes in, snapping Remus out of his thoughts.
âPlease, he can worry about himself.â Virgil rolls his eyes.
Logan nods, clearing his throat.
âYes, let him do that. Itâll help the discussion continue without any⌠noisy interruptions.â
Several more bruises appear and Roman groans at each one. It hurts so much but he lets them color his skin. He wants them to see all of it. See what they did.
âRight. IâŚIâm sorry for interrupting.â Roman speaks a moment later, hissing through the pain as his bruises grow. âI donât mean to. I just- â
âRoman, you always say that and yet you continue to do so.â Logan interrupts this time. âWhy canât you justâŚoh.â
âOh, goodness!â
âPrinceyâŚwhat the hell? Your faceâŚâ
âOh myâŚâ
           Finally. They see him. They see his bruises. They see as some bruises grow darker and new ones paint his skin. Roman stares back at them, numb and tired. Of course, theyâre concerned and worried now. They only care when heâs physically hurt. Roman knew it. Roman knew they wouldnât believe him without proof.
           Beside him, Remus steps closer and glares at the others. After all this time of watching Roman suffer, he can finally see an end to it. Or at least see Roman stand up for himself and put them in their place. His lips twitch into a small proud smile as he glances at Roman for a bit, gently squeezing his arm in assurance before letting him go.
           Roman takes a deep breath, looking at all of their faces. This is what he wanted. Despite his hammering heart and his growing, aching bruises, Roman doesnât feel afraid. He feels tired and angry. Hurt. He doesnât even care if a few tears have already escaped and are rolling down his face.
âYou all say that I am Thomasâ ego. Youâre right. I am.â Roman starts after a moment of silence. âTell me, when an ego so fragile keeps taking so many hits, what happens?â
Remus shivers. Heâs never heard his brother sound so cold. What have they done to him?
No one answers for a moment. Then-
âOhâŚOh noâŚhow did I forget?!â Patton gasps in horror. âOh, Roman!â
Roman only stares back at Patton before turning away.
âOf course, you forgot. You were too busy pretending everything was okay to even care.â he huffs.
âP-Patton, whatâs going on?â Virgil asks, wringing his wrists.
Patton shrinks in guilt, sighing.
âThe ego is bruised and since Romanâs the egoâŚâ
âI take all the hits. Whether itâs aimed at Thomas or me. I take it all.â
Roman lifts the front of his shirt up, his chest covered in the biggest, angriest bruise. It makes everyone gasp in horror again. Good. He wants them to see how theyâve wounded him.
âPrinceyâŚâ Virgil whispers. âFuckâŚI didnât know we wereâŚI was justâŚâ
âJoking? Oh yes, because making fun of my ego and accusing me of being completely self-centered is so funny. Right, Janus? Logan?â
The logical side remains quiet but Janus shifts in his spot.
âIâŚwasnât aware that the saying literally applied to you, RomanâŚâ the snake side tries to explain.
Roman laughs hollowly and Remus shivers once again. His poor brother.
âAnd yet, you seemed aware of every single one of my weaknesses. You didnât even hesitate to use them against me. You should be proud of your work, Janus.â
Janus, for once, falls silent with nothing to say.
           Roman looks around the room, tired eyes glazed over with tears. It almost felt relieving, finally having their attention and showing them the pain they caused. It also felt heartbreaking. They were supposed to be a family. They were never supposed to hurt one of their own. It just makes Roman and his bruises ache a little more. He just couldnât understand. He loved them so much. He fought for them and protected them. So why did they hurt them? Why couldnât make them happy?
           They all stare back. Patton doesnât know how he hadnât realized heâd been hurting his kiddo. Virgil thought he wasnât hurting Roman at all. That it was all banter. Logan thought he was keeping Roman in line and making sure he was focused. He hadnât realized his words were affecting Roman like this. The term âbruised egoâ wasnât something he was expecting to see in a literal sense. RemusâŚwell, he was the only one who understood Romanâs pain. He knew the all too familiar feeling of rejection.
âR-RomanâŚisâŚis there anything we can do to amend this?â Logan asks, breaking the silence.
The tension, however, still hangs very heavily in the air.
Roman stares coldly at Logan.
âYou think you can just magically fix this?â he hisses before that hollow laugh is heard again as those tears fall. âYou all did this to me! You canât just make it feel better by trying to take back every word you said! Youâve already done your damage!â
Remus feels his chest ache for Roman.
Roman laughs and laughs and then he cries, the pain he kept wound tightly inside now unraveling.
âI donât mean to grow a big head. I donât mean to be arrogant or self-centered. But I do it anyway. For all of you.â he sniffs. âWhat kind of ego would I be if I didnât act that way? Would you rather I let the ego fall apart and destroy Thomasâ self-esteem?â
One by one, Roman watches them shrink in guilt. He didnât want to have to do it this way, but he had to make them listen somehow. He definitely owes Remus a lot after this.
âRoman, pleaseâŚâ Logan tries again. âForgive us, we truly didnât- â
âNo, no, no!â Roman cries, shaking his head. âShut up, Logan! Shut up! You donât get to feel sorry for me anymore! You of all people never understood! All you cared about was your stupid schedules andâŚand your deadlines!â
Remus whimpers softly, his chest aching again. Poor, poor RomanâŚ
âYou moan and groan about always being ignored but you donât have a problem pushing me down!â Roman continues, chest heaving as more and more tears fall. âWhat, because the big-headed prince can take it? El principe es estupido? I donât even get to defend myself because Thomas forbid, Iâm being the mean one!â
âK-Kiddo, come on, we can- âPatton tries this time.
âNo, we canât work this out.â Roman huffs. âYouâll take care of me until I feel better then youâll forget and hurt me all over again.â
âAt least know that weâre sorry, Princey.â the anxious side pleads next.
Roman shakes his head at Virgil.
âYou always are, arenât you? I never get to apologize for my mistakes, but you do. Even if you are sorryâŚI donât forgive you.â
âWhat? But- â
âIâm not a fool, Virgil. Youâre only apologizing because you feel bad about what you did. Not about me. Once I say weâre cool, youâre going to go back to what you think is harmless banter.â
âRomanâŚâ Janus speaks up again, but he still doesnât know what to say.
Roman turns and glares at Janus.
âI donât want to hear anything you have to say, snake. You already won so you can stop hurling lies and insults at me.â he huffs.
           Silence falls in again from everyone else, the guilt heavier than ever. Patton so, so desperately wants to help his kiddo and take care of him, take away the pain heâd been suffering from. Virgil wants to do anything at this point for Romanâs forgiveness. He wishes he could take back everything he said, stop his past self if he could. Logan hates to admit it but Romanâs right. He thought he was keeping Roman in line, making sure he knew his place. He had no idea he was pushing him so far down or silencing him more and more. Had he known theyâd been suffering in the same silence, he wouldâve helped but his want to be heard blinded him. Janus feels just as terrible. He was really meant to protect the go. He hadnât realizing he was causing it to crumble along with Roman.
           Roman stares back again tiredly then shakes his head, rolling his shirt back down. After all this time, he finally got to say what he wanted and told them how he felt. A little part of him feels bad for blaming them and making them feel guilty but he reminds himself that he had to do this, or it would just keep going like Remus had told him. Now that itâs done, Roman wants nothing more than to leave and hide for a while.
âRemusâŚâ the broken prince turns to his brother, adrenaline wearing off. âIâm done here. Iâm going to my room.â
Remus nods, patting his brotherâs shoulder in comfort.
âIâll be right behind you, Ro. You did good.â
With that, Roman sinks down without another word. Remus goes to follow-
âWait!â
Remus pauses, looking over to see a very guilty Patton.
âW-Will Roman be okay? Can weâŚCan we see him sometime?â the fatherly side asks.
Remus feels fury bubbling inside, but he stamps it down for Romanâs sake, growling lowly instead.
âItâs not my fucking place to decide when he forgives any of you. Roman will talk to you when he goddamn feels like it. Until then, fuck off.â he warns.
âAnd youâre allowed to be with him? You knocked him out once!â Virgil hisses.
âI did.â Remus hums before getting in Virgilâs face with another growl. âBut I didnât hurt him the way you did. I never made him feel like complete shit. I never made him hate himself. All of you did. Iâm no saint but even I can own up to that shit for him.â
Remus then turns to Patton.
âAnd you of all people donât have an excuse, Froggy. If you knew, you shouldnât have forgotten.â he then turns to Logan. âAnd you. I hope you had fun knocking my brother down a peg. You got what you wanted right?â
Finally, Remus turns to Janus. He loves him but not when heâs hurting his brother.
âJanusâŚI donât even know what to say to you. I thought youâd done enough in the courtroom and after the wedding, but you just couldnât stop, hm? You were supposed to protect him.â
Remus sighs.
âUntil Roman decides whatâs next, none of you are going near him or his room. If I see any of you hanging around his door, not even heâll stop me from ripping your head off.â he threatens, moving to sink out.
âOh, and if Thomas asks, tell him what you did to Roman and for once, own up to your fucking shit.â
Then Remus sinks out, leaving the others to process what just happened. By the time Remus sinks back into Romanâs room, he finds his twin curled up in a ball, sobbing. Remus feels his own chest start to burn. Had the bruises worsened since the prince had sunk out? He goes over to check on his brother, sitting beside him. The dark duke can hear how painful his sobs sound.
âRo? I know you just went through a lot out there. Wanna talk to me about it?â Remus asks, trying his best to comfort his twin.
Roman hiccups and sniffs.
âD-Do you think they hate me more? I know you said I did good butâŚâ
âOh, RoRoâŚno, they donât hate you. They feel like shit because of what they did. Youâre alright, okay? You really did do good.â
Roman peeks up at Remus and the dark creative side is reminded of the shy little prince he grew up with.
âE-Even if I lashed out andâŚand made them feel bad?â he asks, tears glistening on his bruised face. âI didnât mean to do that. I was justâŚI was so tired and angry and everything just came out.â
Remus shakes his head, smiling softly.
âHey, thatâs what happens when you finally open that bottle inside. Itâs like a big ass explosion of feelings and things youâve been shoving in there for years.â he explains, wiping his brotherâs tears away. âYou did nothing but stand up for yourself and told them how shitty you feel. You told them about what they did to you and Iâm proud of you for that, Ro. So, yeah, You did good.â
Roman manages a tiny, faint smile.
âI guess. Thanks, Ree. Though itâs weird hearing you say youâre proud of me.â
âEh, weâll both have to get used to it because if those shitheads wonât give you the love you deserve, your big brotherâs gonna have to do it for you!â Remus ruffles Romanâs hair.
The princely side lets out a slight laugh.
âRee, weâre twins.â
âShush, Iâm in big brother mode. You just tell me what you want to do now and we can do it, okay?â
Roman smiles a little more and nods, wanting to just be with his brother.
âI just want to take a nap and forget everything that just happened with the others. Can you stay with me, Ree?â he asks in return, curling up again.
Remus pats Romanâs head, tucking him in.
âOf course, Ro. When you wake up, we can raid the fridge and watch a movie.â
âSounds good. Thanks, Ree.â
âNo problem, Ro. Oh, and donât forget, youâre more than what they say. Youâre important as fuck and you are needed. If you do forget, Iâm here to remind you.â
âYouâre not gonna bonk me in the head again, are you?â
Remus grins.
âNope! Just good old brotherly love. Now rest!â
           Roman laughs tiredly and tries his best to get comfy. Some of the aches and bruises are starting to fade but the rest will take some time to heal. For now, Roman glances at Remus one last time before letting himself drift off. Even if he doesnât feel comfortable with the others at the moment, at least his brother is still here to make him feel better in his own silly and strange way.
           As Roman sleeps, Remus lounges back and dims the lights with the wave of his hand. He then snaps and Romanâs door locks. He then summons his Morningstar, placing it beside the bed. Just in case. He then pulls out his phone and settles in, ready to watch over Roman while he finally heals from his pain. Remus is now more than ever determined to prove to his brother that someone does care and that heâs needed here. Remus then glances at Romanâs sleeping form and decides heâll start now, even if Romanâs canât hear him.
âI love you, Ro-bro.â
#sanders sides fanfiction#roman sanders angst#roman sanders#remus sanders#janus sanders#virgil sanders#patton sanders#logan sanders#brotherly creativitwins#tw bruises#sanders sides
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Creativitwins angst
I don't normally draw kid sides, so this was fun!
If you like, please reblog!
Taglist: @cutebisexualmess @nebulous-astronaut @uhhh-hi-there-i-am-nervous @oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat
If you'd like to be added/removed let me know!
Again, if you like, please reblog!
#glacier's art#glacier's digital art#sanders sides#tss#thomas sanders sides#remus#ts remus#remus sanders#roman#ts roman#roman sanders#remus angst#remus sanders angst#roman angst#roman sanders angst#creativitwins#creativitwins angst
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Tw Blood, implied murder
Au idea where Roman kills Remus when they're kids cause he gets pressured by Patton or something, I didn't think this thru all the way, i just wanted to draw angst & Roman consumed by guilt
Should I do smth serious with this?
(Cut because tw)
#sanders sides#remus sanders#remus the duke sanders#roman sanders#creativitwins#creativity twins#unsympathetic patton#angst#punkindraws
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:(
#sanders sides#roman sanders#remus sanders#creativitwins#creativitwins angst#roman angst#i actually really like this one#the lighting is so nice :)
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A Misunderstanding
Word Count: 2741 (Ao3)
Rating: T+
Characters: Remus, Roman, Virgil
Relationships: Dukexiety, Creativitwins, platonic prinxiety
Warnings: Intrusive thoughts, mild gore, innuendo, panic attacks, remus angst
Remus is convinced that Virgil hates him. Roman is tired of hearing about it, and gets to the bottom of things. And Virgil, well he's been desperate to keep a secret for a while, but he might be willing to share a little...
(Inspired by this post before it flew off the rails)
---
Anxiety. That was Virgilâs specialty, whether he was feeling it or causing it in others. So naturally it made sense that Remus would feel anxious about Virgil at least sometimes.Â
Roman, however, could not afford to handle Remus' personal woes while he was trying to work. The flood of all the horrible ways Virgil could kill him or abandon him was far too much for one prince.Â
âStop lurking and tell me what you expect me to do about thisâI can only listen to your rambling for so long!â he huffed and set his quill in the inkwell on his desk. He then spun to face his bed with the taste of strawberries ghosting over his taste buds.Â
âI don't know!â Remus whined and appeared, flopping on the royal sheets, âI'm not trying to think about how he hates me! If I were, you know I'd be thinking about his ass too!âÂ
âHe does have an impressive posterior,â Roman mused before shaking off any of his own lewd imaginings. If Remus could project his thoughts, there was a chance Roman could too.
âExactly! Which is how you know lâm not trying to think this stuff!â Remus groaned and rolled on his back.Â
âWhy are you thinking these things? Surely there's some root cause,â Roman sighed.Â
âProbably because I scared him really bad a couple years ago. I didn't think it was scary, I just thought it was funny to see how grossed out my fun ideas made everyone.âÂ
âYou were obnoxious back thenâI still have nightmares about the talent leeches crawling in my ears!âÂ
âI'm still obnoxious!â Remus laughed and sat up, âI wish that was the reason he hates me instead!âÂ
Roman blinked owlishly at him. As the romantic side, he could always tell when someone had strong feelings for someone. He could practically taste the palpable energies in the air. Virgilâs hatred was akin to old gas station coffee, and he used to think he was the one who made that taste the strongest, at least until he saw Virgil interacting with Janus. Not even once did he get that taste when Virgil interacted with Remus.Â
âYou think he hates you?âÂ
âDuh! You didn't see his face when I shared my brilliant idea!â Remus pouted.Â
âWhat was the idea?âÂ
âBasically me getting wrapped up in a spider web and then getting sliced into cute little duke chops when the webs got too tight. Oh! And then a giant spider ate me! It was so ridiculously cartoonish, I figured it wouldn't be too bad! There wasn't even any blood!âÂ
âAnd you think thatâout of all of the horrors you've sharedâthat is what he hates you for?âÂ
âWell I don't share them willingly anymore, so yes, and I don't make it any better! I try to keep it in and it doesn't work!âÂ
âYou actually try to keep those thoughts to yourself?â Roman scoffed incredulously and rose from his chair. His script would have to wait, and soon, so would Remus.Â
âYou might not believe it because I share with you all the time, but you can poke around in here whenever you want, so I have no problem putting it out there!â Remus retorted and sat up.Â
âThen let me poke around before my appointment shows up,â Roman said and sat next to him.Â
âYou might not like what you find!â Remus teased but let Roman grab his hand. They immediately fell into a trance.Â
Sifting through his brother's cluttered mind was often a challenge for Roman, but the memory he wanted was at the top of Remus' mind. Once he found it, he could see everything.Â
He found himself looking through Remus' eyes in the common area. He was hiding behind the couch, waiting to strike. Roman could taste Red Bull Blue Edition in the air. He knew that taste was Virgil's platonic appreciation. So he was nearby.Â
Remus screeched and jumped from his hiding spot, startling Virgil so badly that he leapt back into the wall.Â
âDude what the fuck?!â Virgil yelped, his voice distorted by the memory.Â
âCheck this out!â Remus laughed and projected his intrusive thoughts onto Virgil. Roman opted to avoid that part of the memory. The description was more than enough.Â
Remus was cackling like a hyena as he released some of his stress. Roman could see the horror taking over Virgilâs face, the blanched skin, the wide eyes, the obvious jump in his heart rate showing in his neck.Â
But the taste that he got was far from Red Bull Blue Edition or old gas station coffee. Roman swore it was Monster energy drink. And it became stronger as Remus' laughter died down.Â
Remus couldn't taste it, all he could see was the horror etched onto Virgilâs face. This poor idiot had no idea.
Roman came out of his trance and let go of his brotherâs hand. Remus looked miserable, slouching and more tired than a moment before.Â
âI have to go,â Remus sighed, âI have to feed Winnie, Sarah, and Mary.â Roman said nothing as he sank out. If he needed some time alone, Roman could respect that.Â
Plus he was going to ask Remus if leave. He was expecting company.Â
And who should show up at that exact moment?Â
Roman could taste Red Bull Blue Edition before there was a knock on his door. That was Virgil, of course. He skipped over to let his guest in for their movie night.Â
âAh, Virgil, come in!â he said as he opened the door. Virgil was just standing there with his hands in his hoodie pockets.Â
âIs it just you in there?â Virgil asked and stared through Roman, daring him to lie.Â
âYes, Remus just left.âÂ
Virgil tensed but followed Roman inside, sitting on his bed. He was uncomfortable, more so than usual, as he watched Roman set up the TV.Â
âHow can you stand having him in your room?â Virgil finally asked, with as much bitterness as he could muster. Roman swore he tasted Monster.Â
âHe barges in so often I got used to it. As long as he doesn't make a mess it's manageable,â he shrugged, âIt's just what brothers do.âÂ
âBut what if he does that thing with your thoughts?â Virgil persisted. Roman glanced over his shoulder and studied Virgil. The man was chewing his thumbnail and curled into himself. Perhaps it was a slip of the tongue, since he and Remus kept their connection a secret.Â
âWell, if it's on purpose, we fight. A proper duel. He can't always help himself from projecting his thoughts onto others.âÂ
Virgil stared at him for a moment, processing his words. Roman finished setting up, oblivious to his confusion. Only when he sat beside his guest did he see that they weren't on the same page.Â
âNo I meant when he reads your mind and forces you to confront it,â Virgil muttered shyly as the opening credits to Alice in Wonderland played.Â
âRemus can't read minds, Virgil. He can't literally get into your head and mess around.âÂ
Virgil shifted uncomfortably and stared at the screen. Roman knew he was thinking hard about something, something about Remus.Â
Roman knew better than to interrupt Virgilâs musings, at least not when he was calm. And he had to watch his movie!Â
It was just after Alice got away from the caterpillar that either one spoke.Â
âDo you hate him?â Roman asked Virgil, pulling him from his trance.Â
âWhat?âÂ
âDo you hate Remus?â he repeated, already aware that Virgil didn't.Â
âNo? You know what my hate looks like.âÂ
âThen you avoid him because you think he can read your mind?âÂ
âExactly. He did it before and I don't want him to do it again.âÂ
âVirgil, he cannot read your mind. Remus has no idea what you're thinking. In fact, he is convinced that you hate him.âÂ
âBut I don't. I don't hate Remus,â Virgil huffed and curled into himself.Â
Roman could taste a hint of Monster in the air. He could see the faint blush under that white foundation. And then it clicked like a dislocated bone getting reset.Â
âThen tell him that. I can tell when someone is in love or loathing and he doesn't believe me!â Roman groaned and flopped on his back.Â
EEP
Roman let out a manly squeal and Virgil yanked him up by the shirt collar.Â
âWhat did you tell him?!â Virgil barked, his eye shadow turning as black as pitch and his eyes blazing with rage.Â
âThat you don't hate him!â Roman retorted and pushed him away, âI know what your hate tastes like and I know you don't hate him! What more is there to tell?âÂ
Virgil let go of his shirt and blanched.Â
âYou like him,â Roman muttered, âDon't you?âÂ
Virgil stayed silent and unnervingly still.
âI swear on my beloved sword that I won't tell anyone, and I won't tell anyone if you decide to clarify.âÂ
âIâuhââ Virgil hesitated and squirmed towards the edge of the bed, ready to make a quick escape.Â
âYou don't have to tell me anything you don't want to,â Roman added.Â
âI like him, a lot. And that's terrifying.âÂ
âIt is. But it can be exhilarating if you give it a chance,â Roman agreed, âAs long as you don't let that fear control you.â
Virgil visibly relaxed and shook his head.Â
âSo he can't read my mind, and he thinks I hate him. Fuck, I have to be the one to fix it.âÂ
âShould I pause the movie and we finish it next week?â Roman suggested, all too aware that this would eat away at Virgil for a while.Â
âYeah. I'll talk to him soon, after Iââ his spine went rigid and his irises flashed violet, ââshit.âÂ
Roman watched him vanish in a puff of wispy black smoke. Someone was having a rather anxious time and Roman would not get in the way of Anxiety stepping in before it got bad.Â
---
Remus kept his room clean and orderly because he couldn't do the same with his head. But as he lay on his bed, Remus couldn't stop the chaos from leaking out.Â
The misty figures flitting in and out of sight were agony incarnate. Dozens of his own corpses littered the floor and reanimated themselves to play back their gruesome deaths over and over. And then causes were all the same, even if the methods weren'tâdifferent versions of Virgil, pissed off and sickeningly satisfied with the bloodshed.Â
Remus curled into a fetal position and squeezed his eyes shut. He could still see everything that was happening. He couldn't escape.Â
Why did Roman have to look at that memory? It was like pulling a cork on a sinking boat, and Remus was drowning.Â
Virgil hated him. It was all his own fault! He had to live with that while his heart yearned for that edgy snack. Was he so vile and fucked up that the universe wanted him to suffer? Wasn't it enough that he lost his best friend? Why did his chaotic ass have to catch feelings for the one person who despised him?Â
If Virgil knew, there was no doubt in Remus' mind, that he would torture Remus and kill him, without any of the fun stuff.Â
Remus trembled as the visions and thoughts got louder, clearer. He was gasping for breath, praying for his heart to slow enough for him to sleep through these waking night terrors.Â
âThis doesn't look like the BDSM you're into.âÂ
Remus' eyes shot open. That voice couldn't be real but he knew it wasn't imaginary.Â
Virgil, the real Virgil, was approaching him, walking through the mist and clearing it like some sort of fallen angel.Â
Remus swore he hadn't been crying before Virgil arrived and yet his cheeks were wet. Did he accidentally summon him with his own anxiety?Â
âHey,â Virgil said and knelt by him, âYou're okay, you're safe.â Remus sniffled as Virgil thumbed away his tears.Â
âYou don't have to stay,â he muttered and closed his eyes. Virgil could leave and bleach his mind to forget everything he saw. And he wouldn't have any excuse to enjoy Remus' suffering with that escape.Â
âI want to,â Virgil said softly, âLet's get you calmed down, alright?âÂ
Remus dared look at him, expecting all the smugness in the world to be plastered on that face. He was surprised to see the apologetic half-smile and worried brow framing those tired, sad eyes.Â
âJust breathe with me, follow my lead.*Â
Remus followed Virgil's steady rhythm. In and out, like the tides. His visions faded, even if they didn't disappear. The screams and agonized wails quieted, though they weren't snuffed out.Â
âThat's it, you're doing good,â Virgil hummed and placed a hand on the dukeâs side.Â
âWhyâWhy are you being so nice to me?â Remus hiccuped.Â
âBecause you're having a panic attack,â Virgil said softly, âAnd I'm tired of running.âÂ
âWhat?âÂ
âIâm tired of running. And Roman told me something that made it easier to stop.ââ
âWhat did he tell you? That I'm pathetic enough to beat down without poisoning you?â Remus sighed. He was too exhausted to bring back his bubbly attitude. He was doing his best to keep from getting gruesome, if only so he wouldn't fall back into panic.Â
âNo, he might be that mean to your face, but he's not that cruel,â Virgil sighed and gently rubbed Remus' side.Â
âHe told me you can't read minds.âÂ
âYou thought I could read minds?â Remus gawked, âWhat gave you that idea?âÂ
Virgil took a deep breath and swallowed his fears. Remus deserved to know the truth, or at least part of it.Â
âDo you remember a few years ago, when you jumped out and tried to scare me? I thought you got in my head and pulled out one of my darker thoughts,â Virgil admitted shyly, âI was surprised when you started laughing at the sight of your fileted body. I was scared that you could invade my mind.âÂ
Remus sat up and stared at Virgil.Â
âYou don't hate me?â he gawked.Â
Virgil shook his head and sat next to him. Remus' heart thundered in his chest. Virgil never got this close before, and Remus couldn't be sure if this reaction was based off his feelings or the simple fact that Virgil was anxiety.Â
âBelieve it or not, I can't hate you. You're the only person I know who isn't scared of my thoughts. You might be annoying sometimes and I get frustrated but I don't hate you.âÂ
âDoes that mean you like me?â Remus asked and leaned on his shoulder.Â
âIt doesn't mean that, but I like you,â Virgil admitted and wrapped an arm around him, âYouâre exhausted.âÂ
âMhm,â Remus nodded and closed his eyes, âPanicking makes me tired. How do you do it?âÂ
âIâm always tired,â he shrugged, âIf you need to sleep I won't stop you.âÂ
âCan you stay with me? If I have a really bad dream I might drag you back anyway,â Remus muttered, already fading.Â
Virgil smiled to himself and coaxed Remus to lie down again. He relaxed beside the tired menace and ran a hand through his skunky hair.Â
âI'll be right here, Reek.âÂ
Remus giggled and hugged him, nuzzling his chest. This imp knew just how to keep him on edge! But this time, Virgil didn't mind.Â
âIâm snuggling a Scare Bear!â he cooed, half aware of what he was saying, âYouâre warm and comfy when you're not trying to kill me for crushing.âÂ
Virgil knew his eye shadow was sparkling purple even if he couldn't see it. Remus certainly couldn't, not when he was drifting off so peacefully.Â
Virgil was almost sad Remus couldn't read his mind, at least in that moment. He had so many things jumbled in his head that he couldn't put into words. He was too elated to think, too overwhelmed to leave and scream into a pillow like some lovesick teenager.Â
So instead, Virgil pressed his lips to Remus' forehead and pulled him closer. He could tell Remus the whole truth when they woke up.
.
.
Not long after the pair fell asleep in each other's arms, Roman decided to check in on his brother.Â
He rose up and instantly gagged at the horrible flavor assaulting him. Cocktail sauce and Monster. The poor prince got one look at the sleeping gremlins and sank out.Â
There wasn't enough mouthwash in the world to cleanse his pallet!
#sanders sides#virgil sanders#remus sanders#roman sanders#dukexiety#creativitwins#platonic prinxiety#intrusive thoughts tw#gore mention tw#remus angst#panic attack tw#sex mention tw#sandyscribed
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#remus sanders#sander sides#ts remus#tss#thomas sanders#the duke#logan sanders#ts logic#ts logan#roman sanders#ts roman#ts creativity#creativity twins#forbidden creativity#creativitwins#angst#ao3 fanfic#fanfiction#sanders sides fic#sanders sides fanfiction
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Fanders and whatnot?
What's one/some of your favorite hyper-specific, standardized Ao3 tags for SaSi?
Mine are probably:
Or:
#sanders sides#logan sanders#roman sanders#janus sanders#virgil sanders#remus sanders#patton sanders#alas permutations of 'no beta we die like roman's mental health' doesn't count - as it just gets wrangled under 'Not Beta Read'#(look... i'm a hound for creativitwin angst over here man)
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What Dreams Are For - Masterpost
It is time for my biggest story yet, written for @sandersidesbigbang! Be prepared for a lot of confusion, angst and confrontations! Everyone has demons to face this time around and it's not going to be easy... I hope you follow along and enjoy what I cooked up this time đ¤
Summary: Dreams are weird. Especially when youâre metaphysical. There is a distinction between your own dreams and that of your whole. Even though Roman doesn't know at first that he's trapped in a dream, he does know that something is wrong upon waking in an unfamiliar room. He thinks he's in the Imagination but can't say for sure. Just what has he gotten caught up in?
Cast as the evil Prince and forced to act out the twisted storyline of Thomasâ dream, Roman, with help from Patton and Virgil, needs to figure out what is happening while constricted by what his hateful character would do and say which is not at all pleasant.
We dream for a reason. And as much as Roman likes to be the center of attention, this dream isnât about him. Someone else is crying out for help.
Tags: platonic Dlampr, Intrulogical, Angst With a Happy Ending, Mystery Elements, Partial Mind Control, Sides are forced to stay in character which leads to some of them acting unsympathetically, mainly Patton and Roman
Story here on Ao3!
Chapter One: Wrong
Chapter Two: Rumors
Chapter Three: Unexpected Confrontation
Chapter Four: The Other Side
Chapter Five: Escalation
Chapter Six: Back To Normal?
This Story is currently on hiatus! I will return once more chapter have been written and are ready for posting.
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Epilogue
Many thanks to my Betas @edupunkn00b and @starlocked01! You are wonderful đđ
Just as great are @failingatfailing and @wolfy-do-art-stuff who did a collaboration piece for this story that you can find here! It turned out superb, thank you so much đ đ đ
#namiswriting#What Dreams Are For#masterpost#ongoing#platonic anaroyality#platonic dlampr#creativitwins#intrulogical#tssbb 2023#thomas sanders sides big bang 2023#multichapter fic#angst with a happy ending#hurt/comfort#partial mind control#sanders sides#fanfiction#reblogs are appreciated
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New Sanders Sides Headcanon
You know how sometimes you have an intrusive thought that's actually good? It's not harmful or impulsive. It's like when you're talking and something spills out that you didn't know you were going to say until you've already said it?
What if there's one of those moments in an episode? Remus is rambling about a lot of unsavory things. He's trying to contribute to the discussion but all his ideas are, well, Remus-y.
That is until he gives a suggestion that's actually plausible and helpful...
And it comes out in Roman's voice.
Everyone just freezes and looks from Remus to Roman, trying to process what happened.
And Roman starts freaking out.
#sanders sides#sanders sides headcanon#roman sanders#remus sanders#angst#angsty headcanon#creativitwins#roman#remus
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Putting all of Begotten!Janus's Brood together here.
I'm still working on the rough draft, but Logan, Virgil, and Patton will be making their debut in Book 2.
(Book 1 focused more on the twins, their parents, and Janus. Gonna draw up the Espinozas next here in a hot minute... Book 2 is still going to be from the Espinozas' POV.)
Individual posts:
Janus
Logan
Virgil
Patton
#pixel spill#pixel art#sanders sides#janus sanders#logan sanders#virgil sanders#patton sanders#begotten au#burns/#(this is basically a very found family au w/ a cosmic/body horror backdrop)#(lotsa creativitwin & espinoza family angst in particular... pffft)
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Like shade and light and wrong and right...
#roman sanders#remus sanders#sanders sides#creativitwins#creativity twins#sanders sides fanart#tss#tss art#tss fanart#my art#tss roman#tss remus#angst#sanders sides angst
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Royal Promise
Summary: Or five times the twins made royal promises to each other and the one time they finally learned of its origin.
Pairings: None, BROTHERLY CREATIVITWINS
Warnings: Nightmares, slight mention of thunderstorms, angst, unintentionally u!patton and u!logan
(A/N: Fun fact the word count for this fic is 10, 792 words! My biggest word count yet!)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
           For as long as they could remember, the royal promise was a special and almost sacred pact that the twins made. It was their thing that no one else had or did. They made it clear that it was special, something meant for royals or very big important promises that canât be broken. It was a sealed deal and breaking a royal promise comes with heavy risks. The one who made the royal promise would deal physical pain to the one given the promise. So, the twins would take the royal promise very seriously. They never used it for anything small. Strangely enough, no one, not even Logan or the twins themselves knew of its origin. Itâs just been their thing that theyâve had since the aftermath of the split.
1.
           Despite Remus being loud and rambunctious, he never really liked loud noises that werenât his own. He didnât like yelling either if wasnât the fun kind. He hated it when the other sides started arguing and yelling. He didnât like it when Virgil screeched or when Patton cried out in anger. He didnât like it when Logan angrily told him off. He didnât look like it, but Remus also hated the loud noises that thunderstorms made. Sure, he could play in the storm all he wanted but once he heard that loud bang of thunder, heâd run back in to either hide somewhere or go cling to his brother.
           This is why Remus has a hate-love relationship with storms. Theyâre fun to play in but theyâre loud and noisy and they make him think too many bad thoughts. What if lightning hits their home and catches it on fire? What if it hits Roman and he catches on fire? What if it hits Janus or Virgil? What if the thunder banged so loud his ears exploded and he canât hear anymore? Janus had already told him those things canât happen, but Remusâ mind isnât exactly good at staying quiet for even five seconds.
           Thatâs why Remus finds himself restless one night as a storm rolls in. According to Logan, this storm was going to be a big one. That meant lots of thunder and lightning. While everyone else seemed to be getting cozy for the evening, Remus was coloring on the floor while his twin brother seemed preoccupied with something else that he canât see. Meanwhile, Janus is sat on the couch and reading his book. The heavy rain is already starting to pour outside the window.
           Remus looks up from his coloring book and gazes at the window, the storm whirling and swirling with rain outside. He hopes itâs just rain and nothing more. He then glances at Roman and hums curiously. His brother had come running in with a bunch of stuff and said he was going to make something. When Remus asked to help or watch, Roman said no and that this was very important that he had to do it alone. Remus was a little hurt, but he knows Roman cares about his creations, so he let him be. Heâll probably show him later. He then huffs and sighs.
âAre you done yet, RoRo?â Remus whines, flopping onto his back.
Roman chuckles.
âNot yet, Ree.â he answers, turning to flash a quick smile at his twin.
âBut youâve been working on thatââ
Lightning then flashes brightly and-
BANG!
The thunder followed, loud and almost monstrous.
Remus jolts and squeaks before running off to his and Romanâs bedroom, squirming under the bed.
Meanwhile Janus sighs and closes his book.
âOh, RemusâŚâ
He then climbs off the couch.
âDonât wander off, Roman.â
âI wonât.â Roman replies without looking up.
Janus nods, curious as to what Roman is up to. He wouldnât tell him either. For now, he makes his way to the twinsâ bedroom. He opens the door and looks around the messy room they share.
Thereâs stuffed toys and pillows strewn on the floor by the bed. Crayons and papers filled with drawings are scattered on the desk by the window. A paper crown sits on the red chair and a big book sits on the green chair.
âRemus?â Janus calls. âWhere are you, little squid?â
Rumbling thunder replies instead and Janus inches towards the bed, pausing when he hears it creak and something thump under it.
âRemus, are you under there?â
A soft whimper.
âNoâŚâ
There he isâŚoh dear, he sounds scared.
Janus goes over to the other side of the bed and smiles when he sees Remusâ butt sticking out from under the bed along with his wiggling feet. He sighs and crouches down.
âBoo.â
âEep!â *thunk* âOw!â
Janus laughs a little.
âYou really are so good at hide and seek.â he teases.
Remus squirms, still trying to hide under the bed. His chubby tummy stops him going in any further though.
âI am hidden! The thunder canât get me here if I hide!â he huffs before squeaking as the thunder rumbles again.
âRemusâŚyou know thunder canât hurt you indoors. You donât have to hide.â Janus replies, tugging on his leg.
âNo!â Remus squeals, yanking his leg away from Janus. âIâm hiding here until the thunder goes away!â
Janus sighs. He loves the twins, but damn are they stubborn.
âRemusâŚâ
Then Roman comes running in.
âJanus, did you find Remus yet?â he asks, hands hidden behind his back.
Janus nods and tips his head.
âHe seems determined to hide under the bed until the storm passes.â he answers, moving aside.
Roman giggles and goes around the bed, plopping on the floor.
âI thought you loved storms, Ree.â he teases, poking his twinâs leg.
âNot when theyâre stupid loud.â Remus huffs.
Roman smiles sadly. He knows his twin hates loud sounds that arenât his. There are even days when he gets overstimulated from outside noise. He then pulls out what heâd been working on behind his back.
âI have something for you. Youâll have to come out from there if you want to see it.â he says a moment later.
âFor me?â
âFor you.â
It takes a moment, but Remus manages to squirm out from under the bed, shaking the dust out of his messy hair. He then sits up and blinks. In front of him on Romanâs lap is a cuddle-sized, green octopus with black button eyes and a matching mustache. There are patches of red here and there on its head.
Roman grins.
âI know you donât like storms and you donât have a little friend with you like Mrs. Fluffybottom. So, I made one for you! Do you like him?â he hands the octopus to Remus.
Remus takes it with wide, red sparkling eyes.
âHeâsâŚHeâs so ugly!â he giggles, hugging the plushie close. âI love him!â
âPerfect! Heâll keep you safe and sound from the storm.â Roman grins.
Remus blinks at that and gazes at his new octopus friend.
âReally?â
Roman hums and nods.
âYeah! Heâs got the strength of a mighty kraken and heâs not afraid of anything!â he grins. âI promise, heâll always protect you!â
âI dunno, RoRoâŚsounds like a big promise.â
Roman thinks then gasps as if he remembered something and makes a crown shape with his hands, placing it over his head.
âI royal promise then! That way, heâll never lose strength!â he grins wider, proudly even.
âRoyal promise?â Remus tilts his head.
Roman nods.
âYeah! Itâs a strong promise because I made it with my prince powers!â
As Janus hears that, he jolts for a moment. Those wordsâŚroyal promiseâŚthey sound so familiar and distant at the same time. A tiny part of him curses the twins for reminding him of the past so much. He wonders how Roman even remembered that. MaybeâŚno. It couldnât be. That person is long gone. Still, Janus aches. He can still see him in the twins though. He says nothing and smiles fondly at them instead.
Meanwhile, Remus finally grins as he forgets the storm.
âOkay, I believe you, RoRo.â
âYay! What are you gonna name him, by the way?â
Remus thinks then grins wider.
âSquishyboo!â
2.
           When it came to being Creativity, the one thing the twins hated was how creative their minds got at night. Sure, they could dream of anything each night but sometimes their minds like to take the shadows from their thoughts and morph them into nightmares. Nightmares that seemed far too sick and twisted for even Remusâ already dark self. Nightmares that felt like a curse, repeating, and replaying all too vividly. Not even Romanâs creative light could save them both.
           Remusâ nightmares often melded with his intrusive thoughts. The shadows would steal the darkest thoughts they could find and create an even darker dream. Dreams of desolate worlds. Dreams of war-torn kingdoms and abandoned castles. Dreams of silent rooms with colorless walls. Dreams of a lost friend and a broken family. Dreams of fallen princes and lost kings. Dreams of pain and screaming. It always led to Remus waking up with a terrified scream.
           Romanâs nightmares liked to play tricks on him. Every dream would start nice and warmâŚbut then it would slowly turn darker and darker until it became a nightmare. A warm, grassy field would slowly turn cold as the green melted away into brown. A bright castle with flickering, welcoming candles would slowly put its lights out one by one until darkness took over the whole palace. A Duke dancing about on stage would slowly grow pale until he collapsed, and the stage fell. A powerful king would slowly grow weaker and weaker until he falls apart, screaming in agony as he tears himself in half. It always left Roman waking up with a horrified sob.
           Tonight isnât any different. The twins had been put to bed by Janus as usual and were sleeping, sprawled out against each other. Due to the intensity of some of their nightmares and never wanting to be separate, they insisted on sharing a room. Janus let them, knowing how much they needed each other. Remus could hold Roman down when heâd started flailing and Roman could calm Remus down if a nightmare left him a bit lost. As Roman sleeps, his creative mind starts playing with his shadows.
           Roman finds himself standing in a living room he doesnât recognize. The living room he knows has dark grey walls with pictures of him and his brother and Janus on them. The floor he knows is a darker grey and has a soft, mustard yellow round rug in front of the tv. This living room isâŚbright and warm. The wallpaper is a light shade of beige, and the floor is an off-white with no rug.
           He looks around and nearly jumps, seeing two figures staring back at him. He looks to his side and Remus is there, holding his hand. He seems upset. Roman doesnât know and looks back at the figures. They seem to be talking warmly. Roman tries to step forward but finds he canât move his legs. Oh. He swallows and looks around. He sees Janus standing by on Remusâ other side, head bowed.
âJanus?â Roman calls.
Janus looks up and Roman sees a sad, almost regretful look in his eyes.
âIâm so sorryâŚâ
âWhat do you mean?â
Before Janus can say anything more, the two figures turn and step towards Roman. In the light of the living room, Patton stands with an unsettling grin, his eyes far too wide with excitement. Logan stands beside him with a blank look, dull eyes gazing at nothing. It makes Romanâs skin crawl.
âOkay, kiddos! Say your last goodbyes! Weâve decided to take Roman and keep him here!â Patton exclaims, tilting his head a little too much.
Roman jolts as the lights flicker.
âB-But what about Remus?â he asks.
Patton laughs and itâs almost ear piercing.
âOh, donât be silly, kiddo! Remus has been naughty. He canât stay here. You donât need him.â
âH-Heâs my brotherâŚwhat do you mean he canât stay, and I donât need him?â Roman whimpers.
Logan leans down and stares at Roman.
âYour brother is not fit to be with us. He is not needed here. Until we canâŚdispose of him, he will remain with Janus. We will dispose of him once you have been moved here, Roman.â
Romanâs eyes widened.
âA-AreâŚAre you splitting usâŚagain?â he whispers.
Patton giggles and it seems even louder, his grin twitching.
âJust to be safe, kiddo!â
The room grows darker and Roman tries to move again but he still canât. He turns towards Remus, reaching out for him.
âRemus!â
Remus tries to reach back only for Janus to grab him.
âForgive me.â Janus whispers
And Remus goes limp in his arms.
Roman gasps in horror, pain spreading through him.
âNo! Give my brother back! Give him back!â
Patton laughs again. He laughs and laughs and laughs. The sound rings and echoes.
âNow, now. Be a good prince, Roman.â
Roman desperately tries again and again to move, arms flailing out as he tries to reach out for Remus.
Janus just turns away with Remus in his arms before fading.
Pattonâs laughs grow even louder and itâs making Romanâs ears start to ache. Logan stares at him again, a hand on Romanâs shoulder.
âHeâs gone now, Roman.â
âNoâŚNo! Bring him back! I need him! I needââ
Roman gasps.
â-REMUS!â
Roman tries to move again but finds that even now he still canât and flails around, a heavy weight on top of him.
âLet me go! I need to find him! I need Remus!â he whimpers.
âEasy, Ro! Itâs me! Itâs Remus!â
Roman blinks and his flailing slow to a stop as he squints in the dark. He sees a green blob and after another blink, he recognizes it as-
âRee?â
Remus gets off of Roman and smiles softly.
âIâm right here, RoRo. Iâm not going anywhere.â he replies.
Roman sits up and stares at Remus in the darkness of their shared room, the only source of light coming from their glow-in-the-dark star stickers on the ceiling. Blood red eyes stare back at him and Roman canât help but launch himself into his twinâs arms.
âI donât want you to go!â Roman wails.
Remus hugs back, patting his twin as he does.
âIâm not leaving, RoRo. Iâm right here.â
Roman sniffs and hiccups at that, pulling away to gaze at his twin. Heâs still there. Heâs still awake. Heâs not limp like in his dream orâ
âRoRo?â
Roman hiccups again.
âT-They tried to split us. Again. Morality and Logic. I donât want you to leave. I donât want to lose you, Ree.â he whispers. âI donât care if they think youâre bad. Youâre my brother and I need you.â
Remus feels his heart ache. Is that what those light sides really think of him? Are they so cruel that they canât let him be with Roman? He huffs and pouts, cupping Romanâs face and squishing it.
âWho cares what they think? They canât keep us apart no matter what. Janus wonât let that happen either.â
âB-But my dreamââ
âIs just a dream, dummy. No one will take me, and no one will keep us apart.â
Roman blinks and sniffs.
âP-Promise?â
Remus grins, letting go of Roman to form a crown above his head with his hands.
âI even royal promise, Ro.â
Remus then pulls his brother into another hug, glaring ahead. Heâll make sure no one ever splits them again. Especially not those two. Heâll shed blood if he has to.
Meanwhile, Romanâs sniffles slowly quiet down.
âThank you, Ree.â
And Roman slips into a peaceful slumber this time, clinging onto Remusâ sleep shirt.
3.
           They were split anyway. It wasnât their choice, however. Morality decided that Roman needed to be with them in order for things to be moreâŚbalanced. That day, the Mindpalace split as well with the Light sides above and the Dark Sides being shoved down a little closer to the subconscious. Janus didnât like the idea but there wasnât anything else he could do. He tried to fight for the twins, but Morality insisted on this and of course, who did Thomas listen to more? Morality always did have more influence over everything.
           Roman barely remembers the day of the Second Split. With time passing on, itâs becoming more and more of a blurry memory. He doesnât know why and not even Logic will tell him. Still, Roman knows he feels incomplete. He doesnât like being apart from Remus, but Morality is right, isnât he? Heâs a light side now and he must be good. And yetâŚRoman missed Remus.
           Roman missed his twin. He missed giggling and playing with him. He missed having adventures with him and fighting off nightmares. It took so much time to get used to sleeping alone. Heâd spend nights crying silently after every nightmare. He missed having someone to hold him down when heâd flail. Sure, Patton wasâŚkind and he made warm milk, but he wasnât Remus. Remus would always assure him that his dreams are just dreams. Heâd tell him silly stories until he laughed his tears away. Heâd hold him till he fell asleep.
           So, Roman finds himself lying awake again as he wracks his brain. Itâs been a year since the Second Split, and he canât remember much of it. Heâs still trying to make sense of it but refuses to believe that Remus and Janus were bad. Sighing, Roman sits up and glances at the door.
He wondersâŚ
Before he can stop himself, Roman shrugs his blanket off and stands up from his bed.
âNeed RemusâŚâ he mumbles to himself.
Roman glances at his bedroom door before going over to the other side of his room. He has yet to decide where to put the door to his Imagination, so he summoned a portal instead. As long as he had no door, Patton couldnât follow him in. This felt all wrong but Roman finds himself not caring all too much.
Roman then steps through and closes the portal behind him. The Imagination greets him with a cool, evening breeze. It makes Roman feel a little more at ease. He wishes he could sleep here but with his nightmares still intense, he didnât want to risk them affecting his beloved world. Roman sighs and begins walking through the grassy field. Usually, he starts at the forest, but he didnât feel like it tonight.
It feels calm and peaceful, walking through the sea of dark green. Fireflies even join in on his trek, lighting his way. Roman finds himself humming softly, tilting his head up to admire the twinkling stars he placed in the sky. Off in the distant sky, two bright stars glow side by side. One green and one red. Between them is one big golden star. Roman doesnât recall making those but he adores them anyway.
Soon, Roman finds himself wandering further and further. Past the sleeping village and the castle. Over the rocky mountains behind the kingdom and across the river below them.
At the end, Roman finds himself walking towards the ravine that separated his side and Remusâ. He remembers hearing the Mindpalace rumble on the day he and Remus were separated. When he returned to the Imagination, even this world had split in two. The twins had formed a bridge with a gazebo in the center where they could meet every day. The bridge was white on Romanâs side and black on Remusâ. No one knew about this but Janus who kept quiet for their sake.
Roman walks towards the bridge and makes his way over, sighing as his hand finds the barrier that kept them apart. Neither twin could go over to each other, and it seemed Morality made sure of it. Roman sighs thenâŚhe hears something rustle on the other side. Had he been caught orâ
âRoRo!â
From behind a bush and holding a baseball bat, Remus runs out and meets his twin at the barrier. He couldnât sleep either and snuck out.
Roman gasps and grins, his hands meeting Remusâ as they pressed against the barrier.
âRee! I missed you so much!â
âI missed you too, dummy.â Remus grins back before sitting in front of Roman. âSo, how is it over there in the Light Side?â
Roman sighs and sits too.
âIt doesnât feel like home. There are too many rules and too much work. Morality and Logic are no fun either.â he huffs.
Remus tilts his head. Morality and Logic? Something didnât seem right about this and his brother, but he decides not to question that for now.
âThatâs sucky.â he says instead. âWhat kind of work are you doing? Do you still get to create stuff?â
Roman nods but thenâŚhe sighs again. Ever since he moved to the Light Sides against his will, heâd been losing more and more of his creative freedom. Heâd been given rules to follow, filters to watch out for, and an unending mountain of drafts that he had to revise because the original just wasnât good enough anymore.
âRoRo?â
Roman pulls away from his thoughts and shakes his head.
âLogic gave me a bunch of dumb rules to follow.â he huffs. âHe says I have to get it approved by him and it has to be appropriate. So, I followed all the rules and heâs still being a butthead about it. I just canât please him.â
Remus frowns and so badly wants to hold his brother. Or beat up Logan for making his brother sad. If he could, heâd do both now. For now, he places a hand on the barrier.
âWho cares what that boring towel thinks? He wishes he could create as good as you, Ro!â he exclaims. âBesides, I bet your stuff is still super cool and his eyeballs are just too broken to see it! Heâs dumb!â
Roman snorts and giggles.
âRee! He canât be dumb, heâs logic!â he squeals.
Remus smiles. His brother looks so exhausted but at least heâs happy for now.
âYeah, but heâs not creativity! Heâs not the boss of what you create and how!â he giggles. âWhat about Morality?â
âHeâsâŚokay. But not like Janus.â Roman replies once heâs calmed down. âHe wonât let me have extra snacks and he keeps telling me everything I do isnât princely like.â
Oh no.
Remus frowns and tilts his head.
âWhat do you mean?â
Roman pouts again and Remus hates what those jerks are doing to his brother.
âHe has even more rules. Itâs not princely like to be late to dinner or itâs not princely like to make inappropriate jokes. I didnât even make a joke like that! It was just a fart joke!â he huffs.
âThen theyâre both dumb and they donât get us.â Remus also huffs. âIf they want to be goody, goody babies then let them. You donât have to let them boss you around.â
Roman sighs and leans against the barrier. If he leans hard enough, he could feel Remusâ hands.
âI guessâŚI donât like it here, Ree. I donât wanna be perfect. I just wanna be with you and Janus where everything made sense.â he mumbles.
Remus smiles sadly, wishing he could pet his brotherâs hair. He knows Roman likes it when he does that. Itâs very calming to both, surprisingly. He wishes his brother was back here too. Ever since his brother was taken, Janus has been sad and drinking a lot. Like a lot more than usual. Their space had grown quiet as well and nothing felt the same without his twin.
           The dark creativity then gazed at his twin. Roman looked so tired. So exhausted. Even his eyes lookedâŚless green than it used to be. It made Remus feel angry at the so-called light sides. Who were they to call themselves high and mighty while hurting someone they wanted to be as one of them? Remus feels his thoughts whispering to go up there and deal with them, but he knows Roman wouldnât want that and heâs needed here more. So, he tells them unkindly to shut up and decides heâll figure out a way to get his brother back. Even if it means kidnapping him.
âWhat?! Remus, you canât kidnap me! Moralityâs going to be mad, and heâll never let me see you!â Roman exclaims, jolting his twin out of his thoughts.
Remus blinks.
âHuh?â
âYou muttered that out loud.â Roman frowns. âDonât kidnap me or do anything else, Ree. I donât want them to separate us even more than we are now.â
Remus sighs.
âButâŚâ
Roman places a hand on the barrier, giving Remus a pleading gaze.
âPlease, ReeâŚI need youâŚâ
Remusâ shoulders droop. His brother was right.
âFineâŚâ he sighs. âI just hate that weâre split like this. I miss you, RoâŚâ
Roman smiles softly.
âI miss you too, Ree. I promise Iâll find a way to bring us back.â he whispers.
Remus returns the soft smile.
âRoyal promise?â
âI, Prince Roman, Royal promise.â
And Remus smiles more as Roman forms a crown above his head with his hand. As the twins talk the night away, the barrier weakens, and the ravine silently closes in a little.
4.
           One day the barrier finally broke, and the twins could go to each other. The ravine stayed by their choice to keep their sides of the Imagination safe, but the bridge remained, its foundation stronger than ever. The twins also decided to keep this a secret, sneaking into their domains in the evening to meet at the bridge. Theyâd play in the evening then separated just before the sun came up.
           Of course, as time passed, there were ups and downs. Fights and arguments. That didnât break their bond even if theyâd screamed at each other about hatred and despise. They would feel guilty at the end of the day anyways and would come running to each other to apologize.
           They went through many more things. From Virgil changing sides suddenly to Roman being hurt by Janus and Remus introducing himself to the Light Sides officially. Of course, he and Roman had to put on an act to keep their secret, well, a secret. Janus and Virgil knew though.        Â
           Roman never really interacted with Virgil during his time with Remus and Janus. He saw him once in the kitchen and freaked out, running off. He still feels bad and wonders if thatâs why Virgil was so snarky when they finally met.
           When Remus had finally made himself known and went with the act that he and Roman rehearsed, he felt a little bad about whacking Roman in the head. As soon as the episode was done, they met in the Imagination and Roman let Remus triple check to make sure his brain was still there.
           When Janus had gone too far with Roman, Roman had angrily burst into the Imagination and went on a rampage. Remus followed and calmed him down, helping him out of his spiral before they went to see Janus. One deep conversation later and things were on the mend. Or as mended as it could be.
           Due to Romanâs time in the Light Side, heâd been getting worse and worse. Heâd be far too busy these days and even much more exhausted. His costume had been growing baggier and baggier. His smile had become strained, almost fake. Tired. Worst of all, Roman grew quiet and serious. Remus didnât like it one bit. They had changed his brother.
           So, one day, Remus set out to the Imagination to go see his brother again. He had a bad feeling about him at the moment. Especially since he could feel some sort of pain twisting in his gut. Itâs a blessing and a curse but ever since The Split, the twins had been able to feel each otherâs pain no matter how big or small. Janus called it a twin bond or something. Remus hates how it makes him feel this constant dull throbbing from his brother. Roman hates how he feels nothing from Remus, envying how he didnât have rules to follow or roles to play.
           Remus keeps trekking on through the grass field, using his twinâs shortcut. Itâs the dead of night both here and in the Mindscape so heâs not too worried about being caught. The Intrusive side sighs and gazes ahead, seeing the tiny lights of Romanâs little village off to the side, his bright and tall castle stands just above them. Actually, the castle seemed a little dimmer these days and it made Remus frown.
           Sure, Remus could have gone through his own side but ever since he made himself known to the others, he stopped giving a fuck about the rule of where he was allowed to go. Heâs even made it clear that he could go where he damn well pleases. Especially since heâs had enough of them splitting him and Roman. This led to Remus finally barging into Romanâs room to check on him, only to find his door to the Imagination left open. So, Remus followed and here he was.
           Remus then continues walking through the village, feeling a bit uneasy from the silence. Sure, it may be evening, and the people are asleep in their homes but not even the cicadas and the crickets were singing their songs. It made the whole place feelâŚdead. The Imagination has always been in tune with the twinsâ emotions and lately Roman hasnât been feeling his best. It seems the Imagination knew that. Even the little patches of grass and weeds drooped downwards into the dirt as if they hung in their heads in sorrow.
Remus shakes his head.
âOh, RomanâŚâ
           The Duke continues on, heading up the path and past the homes of the nobles. Through one of the windows, Remus could see a family gathered together at the table for dinner. At least they were happy. It made Remus want to gag as he tears his gaze away, hurrying towards the golden gates. The guards there merely turned before looking away. It seems they were also worried for their prince.
âYeahâŚI know how you guys feel.â Remus mutters as he walks through. âIâŚIâll talk to him.â
           The guards nod in return and Remus continues on. The Intrusive side then walks up the path and through the gate, making his way through the courtyard. Thereâs no sign of anyone. Not even a single noble or a maid around the fountains. Itâs unusually quiet and it surprisingly disturbs Remus. Sighing, Remus continues on his way and enters the main doors. Somehow, itâs even quieter inside. Thereâs usually so much going on that Remus refuses to take the front entrance and prefers to bust through the window. Today, however, no one is around here either. At least, Remus thinks so.
           Remus wanders through the foyer and towards the throne, pausing when he finds the doors left ajar. Usually, theyâre left wide open for Romanâs people to come see him when heâs at his throne. It makes the Duke hum in worry as he enters cautiously, wondering what his little brother had done to themâŚand to himself. Breathing out and ignoring the intrusive voices in his head, Remus enters the throne room and finds-
âMama?â
âRemus. Iâm glad youâre here, dear.â
           Maleficent. The Dragon Witch and Romanâs so-called enemy. Every now and then sheâd fly over the village, pretending to attack and Roman would save the day. Maleficent, or Mal for short, was always happy to play her role to see Roman happy. Roman worried about hurting her too much but was always assured that she could take his hits. Mal would continue to do fake battles and when she wasnât, she lived in her tower up in the far mountains of Romanâs realms.
 Mal also acted like a mother figure for the twins in return for them saving her life after the split. She was going to vanish along with The King who had named her after the character from Sleeping Beauty, but the twins chose to save her. In return, Mal became their guardian and caretaker. Their mother. She would be the one watching over them for her fallen king, making sure they were safe whenever they visited the realm.
Remus ambles over and greets her.
âYou never show up in the throne room, mama. What are you doing here?â he asks.
âSomething didnât feel right so I came over to check on Roman. I must have scared the people away when I arrived.â Mal explains. âI tried to talk to your brother, but he wonât even answer to me.â
Remus sighs, a hand on his chest.
âI can feel his pain. ItâŚIt hurts so muchâŚâ he mutters.
Mal sighs.
âI know, little one. His realmâŚitâs just as sorrowful.â she shakes her head before gazing at one of the stained glass windows. âRoman told me he was going up to the tower. Hopefully heâs still there and heâll talk to you.â
Remus nods, blinking away his tears before they could fall.
âIâll take care of him, mama.â he promises.
Mal smiles softly.
âI know you will, my dear. And please, make sure you take care of yourself too. You look tired.â
Remus sighs but manages a small smile.
âI will.â he nods. âYou should go before the people come back to capture you, mama.â
           Mal kisses Remusâ forehead before the mother figure turns and makes her leave. Remus watches her go before turning towards the throne, making his way over to it. Itâs golden shine had dulled out and the soft, velvet fabric looks as if it had been picked at. Remus stares at it for a moment, wondering what Roman really felt like even as he sat upon his throne. Roman always boasted about being the best prince and it seemed no one knew or even cared to see how much work that took. Itâs strange to see it completely empty. When Roman visits his realm, he always stops by the throne room whenever he can. When the prince wasnât in, the nobles and castle staff would be roaming about as the guards stood by.
           Rubbing at his face, Remus leaves the throne room and climbs the stairs. He still doesnât like the heavy silence following him down the corridor and up the next flight of stairs. Several more staircases later and Remus soon arrives at the door to the tower. Roman often hides away here to be alone or to talk to Remus. The tower had been given a spell to ensure that only Mal and the twins could enter whenever they liked. Remus feels lucky that heâs able to enter and lets himself in.
âRo? Mama told me you were here. She said you were hiding up again.â Remus calls.
âOut here, Ree.â Roman calls back a moment later from the balcony.
           Remus breathes out a sigh of relief and heads over to where his twin is. He goes through the curtains and finds Roman leaning over the parapet of the tower. Roman looks exhausted, the bags under his eyes almost as dark as Virgilâs eyeshadow. Remus comes over, copying his twin and staring at him for a moment before deciding to talk.
âUmâŚhi, RoâŚwhat are you doing up here?â Remus starts.
Roman doesnât move, gazing at the hills far in the distance.
âIf you think Iâm going to jump. Iâm not. Iâm justâŚthinking. I guess.â
âOh.â Remus blinks. âI wasnât going to say anything about that. At least not now. I just wanted to talk.â
Roman manages an empty chuckle.
âHeh, funny. You usually prefer to swing first, talk later. Did you accidentally swing at yourself, Dukey?â
Remus shakes his head and sighs.
âNo. I just really miss my brother. As annoying as he is, I like having him around as the dumb, sparkly, prince he is.â
âIâŚI donât know. I donât feel sparkly. Probably just dumb.â
Remus blinks then stands up straight and turns Roman to face him.
âOkay, Ro-Bro, look. Youâre clearly not okay right now. Talk to me. Tell me whatâs got your brain being a bitch. Thatâs what Iâm here for, okay?â
Roman stares at Remus, a tear falling down his cheek.
âReeâŚâ
âTalk to me, RoRo. Itâs okay.â
Another tear rolls down Romanâs cheek and-
âIt hurts, ReeâŚâ
Remus brings Roman to the stone bench behind him and sits them both down.
âWhat hurts, Ro?â
âEverything. No matter what I do, I canât please them. I canât make Patton happy. I canât satisfy Loganâs demands. What good am I? What kind of Creativity am I?â
           Remus feels his heart throb in pain. Roman is hurting so, so much. It makes Remus wonder what those light-side idiots are doing to him. Sure, Remus has seen Roman hanging around them and being friendly with them butâŚin return they hurt Roman. Do they even realize what theyâre doing to Roman? Probably not. It pisses Remus off, but he swallows his anger for another day. Instead, the Duke turns to Roman and wipes his tears.
âYou know what? Fuck them. Fuck those light side bitches.â
Roman gasps.
âRee!â
Remus grins.
âWho cares what they say about you or what they think? You are Prince Roman, and you donât need their goddamn approval.â he ruffles Romanâs hair.
âB-But I- â
âBut nothing! Well, except for my butt. Anyways, fuck them. If they donât want to give a shit about you. You donât have to give a shit about them.â
Roman manages a small smile.
âI guessâŚthatâs true, Ree.â he then sighs, and that small smile disappears. âIâm just scared. What if they donât want me anymore? What if they get rid of me or hate me?â
âWoah, there, Ro. Letâs get you off that spiral coaster, yeah? Even if that does happen, youâve always got me. Iâm not leaving you. No matter how big of a bitch you can get.â
Roman finally giggles a bit.
âHey! Youâre annoying too, dummy!â
âYeah, but youâll be stuck with me at least.â Remus grins.
Remus feels the weight on his chest start to lighten. Good.
âI think Iâll be okay with that. Promise youâll be there to catch me?â Roman asks.
Remus hums then grins, forming a crown symbol above his head using his hands.
âI, Duke Remus, royal promise.â
âRemusâŚâ Romanâs eyes widen then he lunges forward and hugs him. âThank youâŚâ
Remus smiles and hugs back.
âOf course, dumbass.â
The twins stay like that for a while beforeâŚ
âSoâŚwould you mind if I justâŚtalked to the others?â
âRee, no!â
âEh, worth a shot.â
5.
           Despite being all grown up now, Remusâ nightmares have not changed. It seems more like theyâve grown darker and more vivid. Sometimes it was hard to tell what wasnât real and what was actually happening. It was easy to lose himself in the darkest visions of his sleeping mind. It was harder to find the way out with no Roman to save him. Sure, Janus was there, doing his best to keep him afloat but he could only keep the nightmares at bay for a little while. Theyâd come back every other night, darker than ever. Itâs a miracle that Remus gets any sleep, really. Sometimes, the duke is often found sleeping in odd places, napping excessively in the afternoon when he isnât causing chaos.
           Today isnât any different. Remus had wanted to do some art to quiet his mind of the annoying loud voices he keeps hearing. He had just finished his third piece as he started growing sleepy. He then soon fell asleep at his table before he could sign his artwork, paintbrush rolling out of his hand as he snoozed away.
           When Remus blinks his eyes open, he finds himself standing in the Imagination. Yet, itâs not his own realm that heâs in. He looks around and finds that heâs in a village. A torn emblem of a red shield flutters beside an abandoned tavern. This isâŚRomanâs village? Remus shivers and looks towards the castle. A shadowy black haze surrounds it, looking more menacing than the blood red sky above it. Yet, thatâs not the terrifying part. No, the true horror is that this is what became of Romanâs realm.
ButâŚwhy?
           Remus shudders and carries on, searching for his twin. Maybe he just wanted to try something different? Yeah, thatâs gotta be it. He walks through the silent village and up the path to the town square where the noblesâ house are. No oneâs here either. Remus glances at an open window. He only sees an empty table. Where had everyone gone? Roman loved his people too much so thereâs no way heâd gotten rid of them.
           Remus walks on and up the castle path and through rusted gates, passing wilted grass and dried fountains. The courtyard looked more likeâŚa cemetery now. Funnily enough and ironically, Remus isnât thrilled about this. Romanâs realm is supposed to be stupidly bright and annoyingly glittery like the prince himself. Remus just finds all of this to look completely wrong.
           Soon Remus enters the castles, the grand doors opening with a heavy groan. The foyer is empty and dim with the only lighting coming from the glass windows and the little torches on the wall. Remus steps in, shivering again as heâs greeted by cold air. Usually, Romanâs castle is warm and welcoming. This is just haunting. Maybe itâs a bit clichĂŠ to Remus but he reminds himself that this Romanâs place and it shouldnât be this dark and cold.
âR-Ro?â Remus calls out.
The only reply is the echo of his own voice.
           Remus pushes on, still calling for Roman. His voice echoes back and he worries more. What if Roman was gone too? What if something happened to him? What if he-Remus stops that thought and carries on. Roman has to be okay. Heâs dumb but heâs brave. Yeah, Romanâs a big, brave Prince. Remus tells himself heâs probably just hanging out somewhere or up in the tower again. Maybe heâs in the throne room, doing his royal duties. That has to be it.
           So, the duke enters the throne room and looks towards the throne and-oh. Thereâs Roman sitting there andâŚnot moving. Why isnât he moving? Why isnât he blinking? Remus slowly makes his way towards the throne, hoping his footsteps would alert his twin. StillâŚRoman doesnât move. He remains frozen. His face does not change. His eyes do not twitch. Remus places a hand on his chest only to feelâŚnothing. No weight, no pain, no aches. There is nothing there.
âRoman? Itâs me. Itâs Ree.â
Roman says nothing.
           Remus steps forward, moving closer and closer to the throne. Under the light from the stained glass windows, he could see that the throne had rusted and its velvet fabric was now torn. Odd. He remembers the throne being shinier and cleaner than this. Had it been so long since the last time he visited Roman? Had he forgotten to see him? Remus knows he hadnât. He visits Roman as much as he can, constantly bothering him even as he tries to get his work done. When did this happen then? Remus swallows and finds himself right at Romanâs throne.
âHey, RoRo? Can you hear me? Iâm right here. Itâs Ree!â Remus calls.
Still no answerâŚ
           Then the window on the left swings open with a gust of wind and the curtains fly off. Remus watches them flutter down to the floor in a heap and a little more light floods the room. It trails across the floor and lands perfectly on Romanâs face. Romanâs face had turned to stone. Horrified, Remus runs up to his brother and looks at his brother closer in the light. It wasnât just his face. His whole body had turned to stone, face frozen with a broken expression. Remus had been too late.
âR-RoRo?â
Remus pats his face.
Nothing happens.
âRoRo, this isnât a funny prank! Wake up, dumbass! Wake up!â Remus cries.
Still, nothing happens.
Remus shakes his head, smacking Roman over and over as he could chip away the stone to find him underneath.
âWake up! Wake up! Wake up! Roman, please!â
Sure, Remus had imagined scenarios of hurting his brother, but he never wanted him gone.
âCome on, little brother! You can stop now! Itâs not funny! Wake up!â
Remus slams his fists against the stone, not caring about the pain that follows after.
âPlease, wake up!â
Tears fall from Remusâ face and land on Romanâs head as he screams-
âROMAN!â
           Remus shoots up from where heâs sitting, his stool falling over as he stumbles backwards. Wide, red eyes dart around in search of his twin. Heâs not here though and Remus wanders out of his art room, muttering his brotherâs name. He has to be here somewhere. He has to be okay. Remus looks around some more, checking around the living room. No prince there. Remus makes his way towards the door to the corridor that leads to the light sides.
âRemus? Is that you? I heard you screaming. Is everything alright?â
Janus comes down from the other corridor that goes to the bedrooms, worry on his face when Remus doesnât respond.
âRemus?â
Remus opens the door.
âNeed to find him. Find Roman.â
Janus sighs. This wasnât the first time this happened. Heâs usually able to snap him out of it but Remus seems really lost this time.
âRemus, Iâm sure Roman is okay. We saw him this morning.â
Remus shakes his head.
âNeed to find Roman.â
Janus sighs once more, going over to Remus as he wonders what nightmare he had this time.
âAlright, weâll go find Roman.â
           With that, Janus and Remus leave the Dark Side and make their way through the cold corridor that separates the two sides. Janus hates this place and how freezing it is, how it came to divide them. He wraps his cloak around himself and follows Remus through to the light side, feeling a bit relieved when theyâre greeted by the warmth of the Light Side. Janus refuses to admit that he prefers it over the Dark Sideâs coldness. The snake side then turns to Remus.
âOkay, Remus, shall we check your brotherâs room?â
Remus walks on.
âFind Roman. Find him.â he repeats in a mutter.
Poor thing.
Remus ambles up the stairs, Janus making sure he doesnât trip. The others are out so Janus isnât too worried about running into them. They make their way past the room doors and find Romanâs, its star nameplate shining under the light. A big cursive âRâ is in the center of it. Of course. Without hesitation, Janus knocks for Remus and a moment later the door opens to reveal Roman with his hair a mess and a pencil tucked behind his ear.
âWhat is-Janus? What are you doing here?â Roman asks.
Janus steps aside and Remus blinks before he goes up to his twin, snapping out of his trance.
âR-Roman? Is thisâŚare you real?â Remus whispers.
Roman, realizing his twin had another nightmare, nods and takes his twinâs hand. He places it on his chest so Remus can feel his heartbeat.
âIâm real, Ree. Iâm okay. Iâm right here.â
As soon as he feels the thumping of his brotherâs heart, Remus tackles Roman into a tight hug.
âI thoughtâŚI thought you were gone!â Remus wails.
Roman squeezes his brother, squishing him in the hug as much as he can. Itâs how his twin likes it.
âShh, Iâm here, Ree. Whatever you saw, it wasnât real and Iâm not going anywhere, okay?â
âB-But in my dream your kingdom was all dark and when I went to see you, you were turned to stoneâŚYou didnât move or talk, and I thought...â Remus sniffs and cries again.
Roman pats his brotherâs back, heart aching at the sight of his twin breaking down. Heâs usually the more carefree one between them, not caring about anything. Seeing him now like this is just sad.
âHey, your dream is just a dream, remember? Whatâs real is you and me and Janus and the whole Mindscape. Iâm not going anywhere, and I mostly certainly am not turning to stone.â he soothes his twin.
Remusâ cries quiet down to sniffles.
âR-Royal promise? You wonât leave or do something that stupid? Youâll be here forever and ever?â
âRoyal promise, brother.â Roman smiles softly, forming the crown above his head.
Remus hugs Roman again at that, rubbing his tears away.
âThanks, Ro. You better not tell Virgil I was crying like a little bitch.â he sniffs one last time, letting go of his twin moments later.
Roman huffs a laugh.
âI wonât, Ree.â
As Remus lets himself be comforted by the assurance that Roman is right there, Janus smiles fondly off to the side and ignores the ache in his heart again.
+1
           For a long time now, Janus had watched the twins make Royal Promises to each other. These promises were very important to them both, so they were very careful as to when they made it. A Royal Promise carried a lot of weight and pain behind it after all. The pain came from the promise being broken. The twins never ever break a Royal Promise.
The only problem is that the twins donât know why they started doing that. Roman just felt it was stronger than a regular promise, so he did it Remus, ever curious and always following his twin, copied Roman. It became their little ritual and it was very rare that they let any of the others try to do what they do. Besides, Roman made up a rule that you have to be royal to make one.
Sighing, Janus glances at the twins. They were currently play-wrestling in the field just down the hill from where the snake side was lounging under the Kingâs Tree. He smiles fondly as he hears them laugh and tumble around the tall grass. Despite the rough times, Janus is glad their bond has remained strong. No matter how many times the others had tried, they refused to let anyone separate them. Sometimes, he wonders if theyâll everâŚJanus puts a stop to that thought. Even if the twins could, Janus wouldnât force them to re-fuse. They seem happier this way.
âHaving fun, boys?â Janus calls, chuckling as he sees them pop up together with grass in their hair and stains on their outfits.
âYeah! Weâre wrestling for who gets the leftover spaghetti in the fridge!â Remus answers back, jumping onto Romanâs back.
âYou had it last week though!â Roman giggles.
âYeah, but I want some and Virgey can make you more!â
The twins go back to wrestling for a second as Janus huffs a laugh.
âOkay, you two. Come sit down and take a break first. Youâve been wrestling all afternoon.â he calls, the leaves rustling above as if to call the twins over as well.
The twins giggle and race each other over, plopping under the cool shade of the branches. A nice breeze blows and starts to cool them down. It seems as if the Imagination always knew what they needed.
âI totally won the wrestling match.â Remus grins.
âExcuse me, I pinned you down more than you got me!â Roman puffs in pride.
âNuh uh!â
Janus laughs again.
âHow about you both win the wrestling match and Iâll convince Patton to let me make spaghetti for dinner tonight?â he offers, not wanting them to actually start a fight.
The twins gasp and nod eagerly.
âYes!â
Janus smiles softly.
âExcellent.â
           Silence falls in as the three relax under the afternoon shade. Itâs nice and peaceful and Janus would do anything to stay here forever. No problems. No pain. Just him and the happy twins he promised heâd protect. His promiseâŚJanus remembers when he made the very first Royal PromiseâŚto his King. He wonders if the King knows how hard heâd been fighting to keep that promise. How he failed and went through hell and back to make up for it. For the King. For the twins. For-
âJanus?â
Janus blinks out of his thoughts and looks over to see Roman sitting up, frowning at him in concern and Remus copying his twin.
âAre you okay, Janus?â Roman asks.
âYou were really spacing out, snakey.â Remus adds.
Janus sighs and nods.
âIâm alright. Iâm justâŚâ he glances up at the tree. âIâm just thinking about an old friendâŚand promises.â
Roman tilts his head in confusion.
âPromises? Like Royal promises?â
Janus chuckles softly.
âYes. How did you know?â
âI saw you looking upset while I was hugging Remus and making my Royal promise to him.â Roman replies, smiling bashfully. âDidâŚDid we do something wrong?â
Janusâ heart aches and he shakes his head.
âNo, not at all. It just reminds me of my old friend. The King.â he answers, smiling softly as the tree rustles again.
âThe King?â Remus chimes in, sitting up as well.
Janus nods, smile now fond.
âYesâŚâ he answers, gazing at the twins. Sometimes he sees his old friend in them. âI made the first Royal Promise to him.â
The twinsâ eyes widen. All those years of not knowing where the Royal Promise came fromâŚand Janus made the first one to the King. Curiosity grows and the twins move closer to Janus, wanting to know more of the King they once were.
âWhat was the promise?â Roman asks.
âIt was a promise I didnât think Iâd ever have to make. Today, however, I donât regret making it.â Janus answers. âIt was just before the splitâŚâ
           This is it. King Romulus knew what was going to happen next. He didnât think it would ever happen to him. He didnât think Morality would actually go through with it. Yet, Thomas is changing and growing. His view on this world and what he feels is changing as well. Morality is afraid and Thomas seems to believe he knows best, so Romulus had no power here. What could he say to Thomas who seemed so afraid of who he was going to become?
           Romulus quickly makes his way down the palace corridor. He had called for his closest and most trusted friend to spend one last day with him. He wanted Janus to have one last good memory before they had to say goodbye. Smiling to himself, Romulus makes his way to the throne room and steps in. He finds Janus waiting by his throne.
âJanus, Iâm glad you made it.â
Janus looks up from where heâs staring at the throne.
âRomulus. You called me, old friend?â the young side asks, coming over to him. âHas it happened? Are youâŚ?â
Romulus chuckles and shakes his head.
âNot yet. We still have some time before I have to see Morality tomorrow.â
âI wish we had more time. I wish this didnât have to happen.â Janus huffs. âI donât want you to go.â
Romulus smiles sadly.
âNeither of us can do anything to stop Morality. Weâve tried. Thomas wonât listen to us. All we can do is accept and adapt to change.â
Janus huffs again, rolling his eyes.
âYouâre much nicer than I am.â
Romulus chuckles, patting Janusâ head. Janus was always shorter than his friend. Oddly, heâll miss the head pats.
âIf I could keep myself glued together, I would. I would tape and super glue and suture me to myself if I could.â
âI wish you could. So, what did you want to do with your short time left?â Janus asks, heart aching at that question.
Romulus smiles, offering his hand.
âI want to spend time with you, old friend. One last time.â
Janus sighs then smiles, taking Romulusâ hand.
âAlright, my King.â
King Romulus laughs and tugs Janus along at that. He brings Janus to his garden first. It was one of their favorite spots in the castle to run away to when life was stressful or when Moralityâs pressure was too much, and Logic was being harsh. Romulus knows that they mean well but wish they were just a bit more understanding. He knew they had problems of their own and seemed to prefer to repress them rather than bring it to the meeting table.
The garden ended up being Janus and Romulusâ private getaway from it all. It was peaceful and there were always birds singing up in the trees. The air smelled like roses and fresh strawberries. Romulus loved strawberries. There was also a hint of nightshade. Romulus did love to experiment with strange things from time to time. In the center is an open dome that doubled as an observatory and the sun streamed down perfectly on the viewing deck.
Janus and Romulus end up spending all morning picnicking on the deck and chatting. They talked about Romulusâ recent experiments, trying not to think about how that would be his last. They have tea and cake and candy snacks, Romulus telling stories about his last adventure and Thomasâ recent dream. It felt like a regular morning, but Janus couldnât help but feel heavy as the seconds ticked away. He knew what was coming soon and couldnât stop thinking about it. Romulus knew it too but chose to ignore it. He focused on making his last day with Janus the best day he could give him.
After a morning of garden strolling, chatting, and tea, Romulus took Janus out of the castle. Janus watched as Romulus strolled through his little kingdom, waving hello to his servants and maids. To his guards. To the nobles and the village people. Janus desperately wanted to tell them what was going to happen to their king, but they wouldnât understand. It makes Janus wonder if the people were going to one day wonder where their king had gone. Or would the kingdom and its people justâŚ
âJanus, come on!â
Janus hurries along.
âComing, Romulus!â
           Janus follows Romulus through the village, watching him interact with the tavern owner. The owner nods and walks into his little tavern. Moments later, the man steps back out and hands Romulus a basket as he bows. Romulus thanks the tavern with a handful of gold before waving Janus over to follow. Janus follows along, wondering whatâs in the basket. It smells wonderful and it takes Janusâ mind off of the heavy weight for a moment.
           Soon, they exit the village and take a long, winding road through the tall grass field. Janus remembers watching Romulus hunting for bugs and rabbits and frogs when they were much younger. He follows Romulus and wishes the sun wouldnât go any lower. Not yet. They climb a big hill, and a golden apple tree waits at the top. Janus had helped Romulus grow it a long time ago, calling it their special hiding place that they could go to when they couldnât hide in the garden. Romulus said heâd bring everyone here one day butâŚJanus knew it would never happen. Janus didnât want to bring anyone else here. Not when they would be taking his friend away.
âJanus, are you going to just stand there or are you going to come join me?â
Janus blinks out of his thoughts and sees Romulus sitting on the wooden throne that he made for himself years ago. In front of him is a matching table with the basket on top and a matching chair. Smiling shyly, Janus sits on the other chair and watches as Romulus leans forward to open the basket. The Creative side takes out two wrapped meals and a small jug of grape juice. He then sets the table, putting out the meals and pouring the juice. Once itâs ready, Romulus nods at Janus.
âGo on, Janus. I asked for your favorite.â The king says.
They unwrap their food and Janus is surprised yet touched to see that Romulus brought him some deviled eggs. Silence falls in as they both eat their meals, the sun setting ever so slowly. It makes Janus wish he could freeze time just a little longer. Sometimes he wished he could even turn back time or convince Thomas that everything was alright and that there was nothing wrong with who he was. Yet, Janus knows itâll never happen. Itâs too late now.
Soon, the sun is even lower, and the sky is a mix of reds and oranges and pinks. Romulus and Janus have finished their meals. The table was cleaned up and vanished along with the chair. The wooden throne remained but the two chose to sit on the grass as they watched the sunset. Neither said anything but knew that as soon as the sun was gone, their time together would be ending soon. It brings back that heavy weight from earlier inside Janusâ heart and he glances at the King.
âI wish time wouldnât move so fast.â Janus sighs.
Romulus chuckles, watching the sun dip lower.
âYouâd think as someone in charge of this entire realm, Iâd be able to do that. Believe me, I wish I could, Janus.â he answers, waving his hand.
Nothing happens much to both of their disappointment, and they sit in silence again before-
âJanusâŚmay I ask you for one last favor?â Romulus asks a moment later, sitting up on his knees.
Janus turns, mirroring Romulus.
âWhat is it, my King?â
Romulus removes his crown, placing it in Janusâ hands.
âWhen I am split, and I am replacedâŚwill you take care of whoever takes my place?â he asks.
Janusâ eyes widen as he gazes at the crown in his shaking hands then at Romulus whoâs calmly smiling at him.
âW-What? You want me toâŚare you sure? Why?â he stammers.
âBecause I trust you. Thomas may no longer see you as Self Preservation as much as he used to, but I still do. I need you to promise me you will guide them and protect them.â
âI donât know if I canâŚâ
Romulus smiles softly.
âYou can. Why donât we make it a Royal Promise?â he suggests.
âR-Royal Promise? What is that?â Janus asks.
Romulus takes the crown and holds it above the yellow sideâs head.
âA strong promise that is guaranteed to be never broken. If it is, the one who made it will be in pain until they fix it. I know it sounds like itâs meant for royals so today, youâre an honorary royal, Janus.â he explains.
Janus sniffs, a tear rolling down over his scales.
âY-You really trust me?â
âOf course I do, my dear friend.â Romulus nods.
Janus looks at his King, knowing he would never see him here again and nods. Whoever becomes the new Creativity, Janus will make sure they wonât be lost to Morality again. So, Janus holds the crown over his head and smiles tearfully at Romulus as the sun vanishes below the horizon.
âI, Janus Sanders, Royal Promise, my King.â
âAnd when you both manifested, I did my best to keep that promise. Sure, I had my failures, but I intended to keep it for as long as I can, wanting to make sure I didnât lose you both either.â Janus finishes.
The twins are quiet before Remus tackles Janus into a hug. Roman follows a moment later. Theyâre both glad Janus took them in. Sure, Morality wasâŚkind and doing his best to look after them but Janus just understood them better. Now, they knew why.
âThank you, Janus. For that.â Remus whispers.
Roman sniffles and nods.
âYes, thank you. For keeping us safe. For telling us this.â
The twins then pull away, Remus rubbing his face to get rid of the tears.
âWould it be okay if we kept making Royal Promises? Weâll only use it for important things.â Roman asks.
Janus nods, wiping Romanâs tears away.
âOf course, Roman. It was always yours and Remusâ to make whenever you need it.â
Before Roman can thank Janus, the tree rustles and an apple falls from the branches into Janusâ hands.
Janus chuckles, smiling up at the tree as the twins gaze in surprise.
âThank you, old friend. I assure you, Iâm still keeping my Royal Promise.â
           This time, as the sun sets, Janus sits with twins and smiles. As long as he was here, they wouldnât be going anywhere. They would never be separate, and they would be safe under his guidance. Promise or not, Janus intends to make sure Creativity would stay strong. Even as two halves. Itâs his royal promise to the King and the twins after all.
THE END
#sanders sides#sanders sides fic#janus sanders#roman sanders#remus sanders#roman sanders angst#remus sanders angst#patton sanders#logan sanders#virgil sanders#ts fics#tw nightmares#tw thunderstorms#unintentionally u!sides#tw slight u!sides#u!patton#u!logan#creativitwins angst
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Dragon Heart
There are a few things that come with becoming a dark side, one of which takes Roman a little by surprise.
Fortunately, he has a fantastic boyfriend and a... maybe not quite as helpful brother to get him through it.
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| Ao3 |
Warnings: Mild body horror, self doubt/self deprication, Remus being Remus, hurt/comfort.
Pairings: Romantic Roceit, familial Creativitwins
Word Count: 3993
Notes: This is a oneshot for my Darkside!Roman au, which you can find here with the tag #Darkside!Roman, if you so wish :)
Otherwise, happy reading!
----
"Help me!" Roman yelled as he rose up into the dark sides' mindscape, his burned pillow clutched tight in his hand.
"Woah Prissy! What happened to you! Finally embracing the arsonist lifestyle?" Remus called from across the room, accompanied with a giggle. Janus glanced up, noticing the pillow and making his way over.Â
"What happened, Roman?"Â
"I don't- I dont know I just- I was lying on my bed and then I sneezed and my pillow was on fire" Roman ranted, waving the pillow around as he spoke, "So I put it out obviously but I don't know what happened!"Â
"Alright alright, calm down darling, absolutely everything is wrong," Janus soothed, taking the pillow from Roman's hands, "I donât think I know what's happening,"
"What? What is it?" Roman asked, huffing only for a puff of smoke to come from his nose and startle him, Janus chuckled.
"Oh my goodness, you're adorable," Janus couldn't help but coo. Roman saw red.
"Don't call me ad-" Roman's voice cut off immediately and he let go of Janus' shirt, which he'd grabbed without even realising and stepped back, "I- I don't - I'm sorry I- I don't know what that wasâŚ"Â
"It's not alright, sweetheart," Janus said with a small smile as he smoothed down his ruffled clothes, "Believe it or not, Remus and I both went through something similar, once,"
"Wha-"Â
"It's growing pains! Ro-bro! You're really becoming one of us!* Remus cried, leaping over and punching Roman in the arm, for some reason Roman found himself having to control the instinct to attack his brother in a show of strength.
"What Remus means," Janus said, "Is that you're getting your creature trait,"Â
"MyâŚ' Roman paused for a moment, "What?"Â
"Your beastie!" Remus giggled, sharp teeth on show, waving a summoned tentacle in the air, "I'm a kraken, if you didn't know,"Â
"Yeah, right, but-"Â
"And, as I've so well hidden, I express snake like traits, though they are actually rather subtle compared to other dark sides," Janus said, "My 'beastie' as Remus put it, is a Naga,"Â
"But how does that relate to me?" Roman cried, clenching his fists, he was glad Janus had taken the pillow or he probably would have ripped it. "And why do I keep - doing stuff I don't want to do! These stupid - mood swings!"Â
"You're getting your beastie, Ro-bro," Remus said with a grin.
"O-ohâŚ"Â
"The mood swings and weird instincts don't come from that transformation," Janus said, "But rest assured they'll remain this bad forever."
"Jan used to bite shit," Remus giggled, "like- if you put something in front of his face he'd just- *nom*! It was super funny, but I made him a bunch of those little chewy stim toys so he'd stop biting everything else,"Â
"Oh like you're much better," Janus rolled his eyes, "You spent two weeks at the bottom of a lake!!"Â
"The webs were the worst though⌠y'know I usually like creepy crawly spiders cuz they pull webs outta their butts and scare people shitless but when I can't get into the imagination because of the mass of spiderwebsâŚ." Remus shivered, "Never breaking a spider web again."
"Are you⌠talking about Virgil?" Roman asked with only the slightest caution, Remus nodded, "He⌠never did anything like that with the light sides,"Â
"The animal traits almost⌠fade away⌠when a dark side becomes a light side," Janus explained sadly, "So Virgil's more spider-esque traits faded away over time,"
"He still hissed though- and liked to climb high things," Roman said, before thinking, "Sounds more like a cat to me actually,"Â
Janus laughed, "You should have seen him when he was here⌠he had spider limbs and everything, made webs like you've never seen, and he'd attack anyone who touched them,"Â
*Now I see why Remus is scared," Roman snorts, before coughing up smoke, "God fucking damn this- eugh!"
"It's alright, Roman, you won't learn to control it, especially not after we work out what your creature is," Janus said, patting Roman's back until he recovered.Â
"We won't be able to tell until the physical bits come in," Remus said, leaning on his shoulder, "Boy how Jan was surprised when he grew a second -"
"Oh Remus sweetheart isn't there a mess you should be making or- I don't know some poor light side for you to torment?" Janus interrupted, waving Remus away. Remus' eyes sparkled at the suggestion and he sank out. Roman couldn't help but laugh.
*So⌠I just have to deal with this?â Roman said, looking a little scared.
âFortunately, yes⌠but rest assured you will be completely alone,â Janus patted Roman on the shoulder, we will not help you with anything you need,â
âThanks, Jan,âÂ
â-
Roman was scared, of course he was scared, though admitting that he was scared was the scariest part.
Heâd woken up that morning only a few days after their conversation to a throbbing pain in his head, which wasnât a headache per say because it wasnât in his head, more like on top of it, like someone had smacked him in the skull multiple times and left throbbing bruises all along his hairline. It hurt to all hell and left Roman wanting to do nothing more than curl up into his pillow and die a a quick and painless death.
Of course that wasnât what he actually got, all he got was Janus coming into his room when he hadnât appeared by midday and- once his boyfriend had realised something was hurting him- had immediately rushed to find some pain meds to give him for it. They hadnât helped, not really, but Roman appreciated the sentiment. Heâd especially appreciated it after Janus had offered to kiss him better and then spent the next ten minutes smothering him in affection.
The happiness hadnât lasted long though.
Vaguely Roman was reminded of one time- his memories were a little hazy on the details- when some of Thomasâ extended family had hosted a reunion. His own family had made the unfortunate decision to stay over the night since the house where the party was held was much to far to drive after such a party. Roman remembered that Thomas had been kept up all night by one of his auntâs screaming baby, the kid had been teething.
This particular memory was bought to the forefront of his mind at this very moment because Roman couldnât help but sympathise with the child. Because here he was, curled up in the corner of his bathroom. He sobbed into a pillow in the hopes that it would muffle the noise as something grew right out of his head.
Janus had warned him about this, the physical traits of his⌠beastie⌠coming through. Heâd been warned about how painful it could potentially be- Virgil had been bedridden for two days as his spider legs pushed their way out of his back, it had been horrendous, apparently. For some stupid reason- because Romanâs reasons always seemed to be stupid, thatâs all he was, stupid reasons and stupid ideas- he hadnât listened to Janus. Heâd thought he could deal with it. Obviously he was wrong, he couldnât deal with this whatever the hell was growing from his skull was just proving that to him.
It felt like he was growning new bones from his skull, for all he knew he was. There was absolutely no way he was getting up to check, he could barely move from the pain as it was.Â
By the time the pain had died down even just a little Roman had cried himself out of tears for the time being, now he was just stuck with hiccups and sharp breaths that he was certain werenât good for him but he couldnât seem to get them under control. Every time he managed it there would be another throb and the whole process would start all over again. Not only that but the clock on his wall showed that it was 6:57am. Heâd been here on the floor in his bathroom for over five hours. Fortunately the throbbing pain in his head made it easy to ignore the aches and pains in his limbs from sitting in the same position for way, way too long.
Tentatively Roman attempted to move, only to experience a shooting sensation of pins and needles- like his leg was being stabbed by a milion tiny little pins that had come just to make his already shit day- and mind you it was barely seven in the morning- a whole load worse. Especially, that is, when the surprise at the sensation caused him to jerk back and hit his- well he could only assume whatever had grown out of his head in the last five hours- against the bathtub and he had to clamp his hands over his mouth to keep from screaming.
Itâs ok Roman, youâve got this, just stand up and look in the mirror, itâs right there, not so hard.
Roman whimpered as he attempted to urge himself forwards with his thoughts, reaching up to grab hold of the rim of the sink and use it as leverage to help him up. This was so pathetic, he thought, needing all of this just because of a little pain.Â
When he saw his reflection in the mirror he really did shriek.Â
He had horns. Massive red horns that sprouted from just behind his hairline. Two shorter in the middle that pointed straight up, the colour fading from red to orange to yellow like fire.
And next to those smaller ones were larger horns, with the same gradient though these pulled back and down and around his ears so they curled around to point forward in line with his cheekbones. They would have looked majestic on anyone else. Any other dragon.
Because thatâs what this was, these horns, it was unmistakable. Even if somehow he could try to convince himself that he was just a ram or- or some other animal with horns- he knew somehow in his heart that he was a dragon.Â
And he hated it, he already hated it so much because dragons were evil beasts, evil, greedy, mean, horrible foes. Dragons were the ones that kept the princesses locked away, not the ones who saved them from their towers like the dashing prince he was supposed to be.
No, he wasnât a dashing prince anymore, Roman thought, glaring at his teary reflection in the mirror. His eyes were rimmed red, cheeks stained with tears, the horns were there, plain and vivid on his head like a raging fire. Roman was the dragon now, the villain of the story, the one that killed the dashing knights who came for the princess, he was the one who hoarded treasures in a cave and threatened anyone who came near with fire and destruction. This just proved it, if his spirit was a dragon, then he was the villain. The one in the wrong. Everything he thought was true.
Roman watched in the mirror as his eyes filled up with tears once again, though this time they werenât allowed to spill because there was a sharp knock on his bathroom door. Roman froze, staring wide eyed at the door behind him using the mirror. He didnât make a sound, he couldnât maybe whoever was there would just go away.
âRoman?â A carefully controlled voice called in. It was Janus, and his tone was soft and gentle and that alone made a tear slip down Romanâs cheek, âRoman are you alright in there? I heard- I heard you screamâŚâ
Oh god, Janus had heard him. Roman whimpered, he couldnât help it and he knew he was about to start sobbing again.
âJa-â Roman tried, âJanus-â
âRoman!â Janus called, his voice sounding so relieved it sent a stab through his heart, âCan I come in?â
âYes- you- yes you c-can-â Roman stammered out, he tried to hard to get his voice to smoothen out but it seemed to be in vain, the door clicked open and Roman couldnât bring himself to turn, he could only watch in the mirror as Janus- still disheveled and in his pajamas from sleep- stepped into the room before stopping, eyes widening when he saw the state Roman was in.
âOh sweetheart,â Janus breathed, and he sounded so worried, it almost made Roman flinch- it reminded him so much of Patton- hah, if only Patton would see him now, what would he say? Probably that Romanâs horns made him dishonerable, they were unprincelike.
âIâŚâ Roman started, before trailing off, he really didnât know what he was supposed to say. He could only turn slightly to see Janus who smiled sadly when they met eyes.
âYouâre so⌠beautiful,â Janus breathed, stepping closer, before pausing and looking over Roman properly. Roman was certain Janus could see the evidence of the crying and- hell the guy had heard him scream, of course he was worried. And, well, Roman knew he didnât really mean the compliment.Â
â...My goodness Roman have you been up all night?â Janus said sadly, stepping forward and cupping Romanâs cheeks, Roman startled when he felt cool scales and skin instead of the familiar fabric instead of gloves, âIt mustâve hurt so much⌠how are you feeling?â
âI- I-â Roman stuttered, glancing around but finding that the only thing he could focus on was Janusâ eyes, he suddenly felt such a strong possessive urge he almost physically moved, the strange urge to keep . Roman felt it so strongly that the only way he could find to deal with it was bursting into tears.
âOh- oh, oh,â Janus mumbled nothing words, before taking his hands from Romanâs cheeks. He barely had the chance to whine before Janus opened his arms in and offering of a hug, âCâmere, yes thatâs it, itâs alright,â
Roman practically collapsed into his arms and Janus pulled him tight. It was a little bit awkward, Roman couldnât exactly bury his face in Janusâ shoulder like he wanted to because of the sharp points he now had to be careful of, so instead he hooked his chin over Janusâ shoulder. And Janus wrapped him up so tightly, four of his arms around Romans back- holding him close, another in his hair- stroking through the strands in a way that was incredibly gentle, almost too gentle, and his final hand found Romanâs and laced their fingers together.Â
He rocked them gently where they stood, one of his hands rubbing reassuring circles onto his shoulders as Roman once again cried himself out of tears. He began to hiccup all over again and Janus didn't stop rocking them both.Â
"Everything will be alright, sweetheart," Janus muttered, "Come, let's go somewhere more comfortable, alright?"Â
Roman could only nod and let Janus lead him slowly back into his bedroom until they were both sitting down on his bed, he waited as the other side pulled one of his thickest blankets around his shoulders and took his hands.
âAlright,â Janus said quietly, rubbing circles onto the backs of Romanâs hands as he looked into his eyes, âYou can nod or shake your head, or speak if youâd like to, but Iâm going to ask you a few questions, alright?â
Roman nodded slowly, he didnât trust himself not to start crying the moment he attempted to utter a word.Â
âDo they still hurt?â Janus asked, Roman considered for a moment, before shaking his head as he realised almost all the pain he had felt had faded out. There wasnât even any of that pinpricking pain left. Just the pain in his heart left, but he was pretty sure that wasnât what Janus was asking about.
âThats good, sweetheart,â Janus said, leaning forward to kiss his cheek, âAnd do you feel alright? Both mentally and physically,â
Roman wasnât sure if he should tell Janus about everything he was thinking. On one hand, Janus had proved he would help before, when Roman first crossed over but also⌠he had almost been disappointed when Roman spoke badly about himself, and even though Roman now had proof that he was evil in the dragon horns on his head, he doubted Janus would be happy to hear that, so he shook his head.
Somehow, Janus seemed to know he wasnât being truthful.
âAre you sure?â Roman nodded, but he was as certain as the sun rising in the east that Janus hadnât believed him. He moved on anyway though, and Roman couldnât help but be grateful for that.Â
âDo you know what your- beastie- is?â Janus asked next, âI uh- me and Remus, when we first got ours, once the physical traits started coming on we could just sortofâŚ. Get a sense of it? Do you feel that?â
This head shake was so frantic that Roman found it slightly difficult to stop, Janus raised an eyebrow.Â
â...Why are you lying to me, Roman?â Janus asked softly, squeezing his hands, âYou- you know I wonât judge you, for whatever it is, donât you?â
Roman looked away, trying to blink away more tears, because somehow despite all he had cried by now he still had more in him.
âIâm⌠sorry,â Roman mumbled, âI just⌠youâll be- youâll be disappointed you were wrongâŚâ
Now Janus looked slightly alarmed, raising his eyebrows in confusion, âWhat⌠do you mean, darling?â
âI justâŚâ He paused, trying to find the right words, âEverything- everything youâve tried to tell me about- about me being good- itâs- itâs not trueâŚâ
âRoman, I donât understand,â Janus told him, âHow is it not true? I thought weâd gotten past thisâŚâ
âWe- we had but- this- this is-â Roman paused, pulling one of his hands out of Janusâ hold to wipe at his eyes before gesturing to his new horns, âDragons are evil- and- and mean and horrible beasts and I- this just proves I- Iâm- like- that too-â
âOh, RomanâŚâ Janus mumbled, a frown on his face, âNow Iâve never heard something so plainly false, and Iâm the liar in this relationship,â
âWh-what?â
âRoman, love, your beastie doesnât fully represent you anyway, and even if it did, dragons arenât all evil,â Janus told him, âHell, do you think I represent fertility? Fuck no,â
Roman laughed, a meek, pathetic laugh, but it seemed to placate Janus just a little bit.
âBut⌠Dragons are the enemies! The ones that have to be defeated to rescue the princess- or- or- the- the-â
âYou know what, Roman,â Janus interrupted, tapping his hands to bring his attention back, âWill you wait here for a moment, there is something that I need to do,â
âOf- of course,â Roman nodded quickly, Janus pressed a quick kiss to his forehead before standing up and sinking out of the room after sending him a small smile.
â-
Janus was gone for just long enough that Roman was beginning to get worried that he wasnât coming back. Maybe he had realised while he was gone that Roman really was evil, and he wasnât worth the effort, so he was just going to leave him to deal with this on his own. And not to mention that now he felt that same tingly almost-pain he had felt in his head yesterday in his teeth now, he guessed that would be the next part of him to change. He was about to just accept that Janus wouldnât be coming back when his door was kicked open.
âHey Ro!â Remus yelled, running in and grabbing Romanâs wrists in a way that wasnât gentle, but Roman could tell it was friendly, âJanny said you were feeling down âcuz of your beastie, so weâre having a movie day,â
âI- wait- but-â Roman tried to protest as Remus pulled him to stand up and began to drag him out of his room, Roman attempted to dig in his heels, âDo I get a say?â
âNope!â Remus said, popping the âpâ as he grinned back at him over his shoulder, âYouâre not allowed to be sad,â
âBut- Iâm-â Roman tried to protest, âDo you not even see what I am?â
âA big strong badass beastie for my big strong badass brother?â Remus said, blinking at him as if that was the most obvious thing ever, âI donât see the problem!â
âBut-â
âOh shut it!â Remus said, turning around and slapping his cheeks, making Roman make an involuntary âpopâ sound with his mouth as his face was squashed, âYouâre watching movies with us and you donât get a choice, now sit down,â
âI- um- ok?â Roman said, gingerly sitting down in the middle of the sofa. Janus- with a soft, knowing smile on his face- sat down next to him and Remus through himself on top of them both and grabbed the remote, pressing play before any of them said anything.Â
Roman knew even as the first few notes of the score played with the emerging dreamworks logo what they were watching and when he turned to Janus, he just smirked.
âWhat?â Janus said innocently.
âWhy- why are we watching this?â Roman said slowly, as the film moved on to Hiccup describing Berk, showing scenes of dragons attacking the town.
âBecause,â Janus smiled, âI believe you need to learn the same lesson as a certain Viking chief,â
âO-oh-â Roman choked, turning back to the screen. He didnât want to admit that he was about to cry again as he watched Hiccup shoot down the nightfury, he knew this film, heâd watched it at least twenty times. Of course he had, it was an amazing piece of cinema and had the most spectacular music, but thisâŚ
âAnd afterwards weâll be watching Raya and the Last Dragon,â Janus commented idly, âAnd then Eragon, and after that, if you still need convincing, weâll be watching Mulanâ
âMushu is hardly a dragon,â Roman cried with a choked laugh, understanding the theme of their movie night, he also understood that he didnât have a choice.
âHeâs still a dragon!â Remus yelled, âAnd if youâre still being sulky after that weâre watching Shrek!â
âI- alright I- just so you know I um-â Roman said, before trailing off to watch as Hiccup cut Toothless free.
âWhat do we need to know, darling?â Janus said quietly, nudging his arm to catch his attention again.Â
âThe um- the tingly pain-â Roman said, âLike- like what I felt before these horns- um- appeared, itâs⌠back,â
âWhere too! Ooh whatâs next?â Remus asked with a gasp, leaning uncomfortably close to him, Roman attempted to laugh and gently pushed him away.
âMy teeth,â Roman answered quietly. Remus gasped even more dramatically.
âAll of them?â Janus asked.
âNo I⌠donât think so,â Roman said slowly, âJust someâŚâ
âYouâre getting fangs!â Remus yelled, way more excited about that than Roman could even think about being, âThat makes all of us! We all get fangs,â
Janus smiled, before taking Romanâs hand, âItâll be alright, but Roman?â
âYes?â Roman asked, looking over at Janus, suddenly he was worried that heâd done something wrong.
âNext time youâre in pain, please tell one of us⌠donât just hide in your bathroom all night, alright?â Janus said with half a smile, Roman went red and looked back at the screen.
âIâll⌠Iâll try,â
âGood, now watch the film!â Remus said, shoving him, Roman shoved back and it very quickly turned into a shoving match on the couch before Janus looped his arms under Romanâs to wrap around his chest and effectively stop the playful fight in itâs tracks.Â
âNow boys, no fighting on the couch, remember?â Janus scolded. Roman looked sheepish while Remus just grinned.Â
âAweee Janny! You love us really,â
âI hate you both very much, I just aboslutely love having a destroyed couch that I need to work out how to replace again after Roman set it on fire yesterday,â
âHey! You know I couldnât control that!â
âOf course, darling, but that doesnât make replacing it any easier,â
â...Thatâs fair I suppose,â
#sanders sides#roman sanders#ts roman#roman sanders angst#darkside!roman#ts janus#janus sanders#remus sanders#roceit#creativitwins#sanders sides fanfiction#fanfic#famfiction#mild body horror#body horror tw
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More pinned post shit
Au: mindscape
Pairing (/p): creativitwins
"You've never hurt me. Never."
The Play
Summary: Roman asks for Remus' help... don't worry, it goes better than you think.
Pairing: platonic creativitwins
Warnings: Remus being Remus, sexual innuendos, lots of cursing, angst, yelling, blood mention, self degrading, weapon mention, very brief non-descriptive violence. Lemme know if I missed any.
Word count: 2,125
Thank you for the request! First time trying this kind of premise so hope it turned out okay! Enjoy!
(Likes<<<<reblogs, please reblog if you like, it really helps me out)
-------------------------------------------------------
C'mon⌠it's no big deal! Just walk inside dammit! You do it all the time to all the sides' rooms! Just burst in without a care in the world like always!
âŚso what if you didn't didn't talk one on one since forever? It's no biggie, right? You don't care about anything, especially not others' opinions! And especially not his-
"Remus?"
Remus jumped, startled out of his thoughts, and turned to look as his favorite snake.
Janus looked at the door Remus had been staring at for who-knows-how-long, then at Remus, and frowned.
"Something I should know?" He asked, probing, but gently probing, as always seeming to pick up on Remus' hesitation.
Remus forced a grin and shook his head. "Nope! All good here!"Â
He wasn't buying it, he knew he wouldn't, but it's not like he's going to talk about it here and now either.
Janus sighed. "If you say so, you know where to find me if it's not." And with a gentle brush on Remus' shoulder, he continued on his way.
And dammit the stupid snake always knew what to say didn't he? Whatever happens in there⌠he's got good ol' Janny.
He took one deep breath and swung open the door with as much flourish as he could master!
"I'm hereee!" He sang as he entered the room, shutting the door loudly behind him.
"Geez u scared the living shakespeer out of me, Remus!" Roman startled, putting a hand on his heart.
Remus cackled. "Awesome!"
Roman breathed out a sigh. "I'm regretting this alreadyâŚ" he grumbled.
"Too late! You made the mistake of inviting me!" Remus grinned, pretending Roman's comment didn't sting⌠because it didn't of course.
"I did⌠to be honest I didn't think you'd comeâŚ" Roman confessed.
"Aww how can I refuse an invite from my dearest brother?" Remus teased.
Roman huffed. "An invite for 5 hours ago, and you don't have a great record of listening to⌠well, anything."
Remus shrugged. "Welp! I came whether you like it or not⌠Why did you invite me, by the way?" The question sounded way more hesitant than Remus intended.
Roman bit his lip. "Well I⌠I just wanted to ask you umâŚ" he took a deep breath. "I need your help with a project okay?" He finally said.
Remus blinked. "My help? Like⌠me specifically?"
Roman nodded.
"What? You're writing smut or something? I can for sure help with that!" Remus offered with a mischievous grin.
Roman blushed furiously. "No!" He squeaked. "Not that geez um⌠how do I explain thisâŚ" he muttered to himself.
"You see, I wrote a play and it turned out⌠fine I guess, but it still felt like it's missing something, so naturally I asked the others for feedback⌠they tried their best, bless them, but they're not artists⌠they don't get it you know? What I'm saying is⌠you're kind of my only hope right now." He explained.
"Oh! You need my creative wisdom! Well why didn't you just say so? Let me see your sappy play then!" Remus reached out his hands to take it.
"I didn't say it was sappy!" Roman protested but handed over the play anyway.
"You didn't need to, Ro-Ro, you wrote it." Remus cackled at Roman's pout before turning his attention to the pages in his hands.
Silence followed as Remus read, Roman looking over his shoulder anxiously to see where he was, until he finally finished and looked up.
"You're right, bro, it is missing somethingâŚ" he tapped his chin, thinking.
"Right? I tried telling them but all Patton did is tell me that it's great and I should give myself more credit, all Logan did was say the 'structure' or whatever was good and fixed some grammar mistakes and Virgil said, and I quote: 'not really an expert on plays but I think it's pretty good'. Which is sweet of them but again, not really helping." Roman sputtered in frustration, putting his face in his hands.
"This needs to be ready tomorrow and I just⌠I don't know what to do! I can't give it to Thomas when it's like this!" Roman threw his hands in the air theatricaly, looking at Remus pleadingly.
"Calm your tits bro, fuck, your play's fine, just needs some little twicks and it's perfect." Remus rolled his eyes, handing it back to Roman.
"You⌠you think so?" Roman took it hesitantly.
"Tell you what, let's just try and act it out and see if we get ideas on what to add." Remus suggested.
Roman gave him a funny look.
"What's with the face?" Remus questioned, refusing the urge to blush at the attention.
"That's⌠that's a great idea, RemusâŚ" Roman said in disbelief.
Remus grinned, shimmying his shoulders. "All my ideas are, bro-Ro!"
Roman huffed a laugh. "We must have different memories then."
Remus waved his hand dismissively. "Eh, you're just boring as fuck sometimesâŚ" he paused. "Though fucking is much more exciting." He cackled, volume increasing when Roman blushed a deep red.
"You're impossibl-"
"Impossibly sexy? I agree! Thanks for noticing!"
Roman shook his head with a tiny hint of a smile. "So are we doing this or what? Or are you stalling because you know I'm a better actor than you?" He teased with a proud smile that's just a shy away from Janus' signature smirk
Remus barked a laugh at that. "You wish." He snapped to conjure another copy of the play for him, looking at Roman, challenging.
Smiling, Roman cleared his throat, holding the script in front of him, and started.
âŚ
Roman looked away with an expression of deep hurt. "I⌠I'm sorry brother, I failed you.." he said brokenly.
Remus tutted. "Oh no, not at all. You see, you were right, all I do is hurt people⌠there's no hope for me." He said darkly.
Roman shook his head. "No⌠no, it's not true! I⌠I shouldn't have said that, I didn't mean it⌠please, don't do this." He begged, reaching for him.
Remus chuckled. "You see? I even hurt you-"
"No!" Roman grabbed him by his shoulders, looking deeply into his eyes⌠Remus would have believed it if he didn't know they were actingâŚ
"Listen to me, you've never hurt me. Never."Â
Remus suddenly forgot his lines, choking a bit as he looked away.
"...Remus?"
Fuck why does he sounds like he actually cares?
Trying desperately not to shake, Remus glanced at the pages in his hands and delivered the next line.
But Roman shook his head, taking the play from him and setting it down on a chair gently.
"You can't lie to me, I can tell you're upset."
Remus huffed. "So what if I am? Since when do you care?"
Roman's face almost made him want to take it back⌠almost.
"All your stupid play's missing is a death scene, there, problem solved, happy ending, cheers and all that." He said emptily.
Roman looked confused for a moment before he saw Remus snap his fingers. His eyes widened. "Remus, wait-"
Was all he heard before he appeared back in his good ol' hell of a room.
He sighed, summoning his morning star and raising it for a strike, when he heard a pop behind him and swung there instinctively.
"Wha- hey! Watch out!"
He froze. "Ro? What the fuck are you doing here? Sneaking up on me like that?"
Roman huffed, dusting his perfectly clean and not-wrinkled clothes in indignation. "I was trying to check up on you, silly."
"Well you're about 7 years late, get the fuck out, unless you wanna find out what fun surprises I have here." He grinned maliciously.
Roman crossed his arm stubbornly. "No, I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong."Â
"Fine! You wanna know what's wrong, Roman?" Remus snapped, waving his morning star carelessly.
"Yes, I do!" Roman shouted back.
"What's wrong is you suddenly pretending like you care how I feel when you made it very fucking clear in the past 7 years that you don't!" Remus spat.
"No⌠you don't understand I-"
"What's wrong, is you acting like everything's sunshine and rainbows when you know fucking well how it's not even close!" Remus cut him off.
"Remus I was try-"
"What's fucking wrong is that today is the first fucking time we hung out together in years! And it was just because you needed something from me! Did you even realize that? Or were you so caught up in your stupid fantasies and delusions that you didn't even notice?" Remus was shouting so loudly he could taste blood, but he didn't care.
"You're such a fucking pussy that you can't handle how fucking messed up the world is, you're even worse than your naive father figure! You disappear on me for years and suddenly act like you care? You're never there when I need you! Never! And you wonder what's wrong? What the fuck? You're so fucking blin-"
"I was trying to apologize!"
The room fell into a deafening silence, the only sound being the twin's heavy breathing.
Roman let out a big sigh dropping his gaze. "I⌠I didn't know howâŚ" he swallowed. "I didn't know how to approach the subject⌠this was the best I could come up withâŚ"
Remus blinked a few times, trying to process the words. "...what?"
"The play! Remus⌠the stupid play⌠I wrote it⌠about us⌠but with me trying to make things right⌠it was just a cover story so I can invite you and⌠apologizeâŚ" Roman explained weakly. "It was a dumb idea I knowâŚ" he added, clutching his arm tightly in shame.
The playâŚ
"You've never hurt me. Never"...
Remus swallowed. "H-how accurate is the play?" He hated how shaky his voice was.
"As accurate as it can be." Roman shrugged, looking up to meet his eyes.
But Remus couldn't look back at him. "Why⌠why now?"
Roman bit his lip. "You were right⌠I was⌠I was too caught up in a fantasy to realize I abandoned you⌠but lately, things⌠happened. And they made me reflect on myselfâŚ" a sob escaped Roman's throat. "I'm such an ass Remus, I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He buried his face in his hands, shaking with sobs.
Remus pinched himself, Roman was still there, he did again, nothing changed⌠Roman was here, apologizing for him. He's not dreaming, he's not imagining⌠he's here!
And yet⌠Remus couldn't forgive him⌠not yet at least.
Roman was still sobbing in front of him. "Okay, okay, c'mere you big sap." He pulled him into a rib-crushing bear hug that made him gasp for breath.
"Does⌠that mean you forgive me?" Roman asked hesitantly into his shoulder.
Remus cackled evilly. "Oh you sweet, naive Ro-RoâŚ" he shook his head, releasing him so he could see his wild grin. "You have so much to do to make it up to me."
Roman sighed but smiled anyway. "Guess I deserved that, I'll do my best, I love you, Re."
"Ew! Gross, gross gross! Get out of here before your sappy feelings stink up my room!" Remus covered his ears, shaking his head.
"But it's already stinky-"
"Out!" He snapped his fingers, banishing Roman outside.
"Rude!" He heard shouting on the other side of the door. And then he heard him walk away.
Remus shook his head, sighing in relief. "I love you too, Ro."
"Aw"
He jumped. "Fucking hell, Janny! How long have you been here?!" He shrieked.
"Not important." Jan waved his hand dismissively, smirking at him from where he sat on Remus' bed. "So, the big, scary Remus has feelingsâŚ" Janny teased, clearly delighted.
Remus huffed. "You're the one to talk, Sneky."
"I say this went better than expected." Janus, of course, ignored him, patting the space next to him.
Remus fell beside him, making the mattress bounce a little. "Were you worried about me, Jan-Jan?" He teased, poking him in the ribs.
Janus huffed a chuckle. "You wish, how long are you planning to keep him on the hook?"Â
Remus grinned. "For as long as it's fun." He chuckled.
"Hmm now where did you get that from?" Jan smirked.
Remus cackled. "Gee I wonder."
Janus suddenly turned serious, looking Remus in the eye. "You have every right to stay mad, you know, I saw first hand how much he hurt you."
Remus looked away. "I know⌠but, I think I want to forgive him⌠eventually."
Janus nodded. "Alright, just don't feel obligated to. I'll let you sleep now, you know where I am if you need me." He squeezed his shoulder gently before disappearing.
Good ol' Janny, always there for him⌠and soon maybe Roman would too⌠who would have thoughtâŚ
Certainly not Remus.
#sanders sides#remus sanders#roman sanders#sympathetic remus#sympathetic deceit#janus sanders#angst#remus angst#tw blood mention#tw yelling#cw swearing#cw violence#roman angst#creativitwins#platonic creativitwins#mindscape#Lily writes#tumblr request#tw innuendo#remus being remus
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