#crazy silly way c;

[allmyandroids]

augh gawd...❤️‍🔥

[teapartyprincess4two]

omg can you make a chris version to the talkative fic? my english isn’t very good i apology if this doesn’t make sense!

Talkative- C. Sturniolo

pairing: Yapper!reader x Boyfriend!Chris

classification: SFW & NSFW headcannons

inspiration: request^^

warnings: some 18+ content, use of y/n, established relationship

summary: head cannons of Chris with a talkative, yapper girlfriend!

Talkative- M. Sturniolo (Matt’s Version)

Talkative- N. Sturniolo (Nick’s Version)

—

☆ SFW

You love to talk and that’s something Chris has loved about you from the moment he met you. He, much like you, is extremely extroverted, but every girl he’s talked to in the past has always found him to be too much. You’re his perfect match and although he also likes to talk, he loves to listen too.

☆ Chris never gets tired of hearing you talk, “Babe tell me the story about the teddy bear again.”

☆ You retell stories in such a detailed way that he can’t help but burst into laughter even if he’s heard it before.

☆ When you talk about your friends, it’s like you’re explaining their lore in full detail each time.

☆ “No, babe, that was Savannah. I’m talking about Teala,” or “Dude, I’m telling you that’s why they fired that bitch.”

☆ He has all the characters memorized, even categorizing their lives into arcs, episodes, and seasons.

☆ “Wow Teala is in her villain arc,” and “On this weeks episode of, Who the Fuck is Getting Fired!”

☆ He loves asking you questions because you somehow know the answer to everything.

☆ You’ll be eating dinner and suddenly a random question will pop into his mind, “Y/n, what does litigate mean? I heard someone use it today, sounded fancy.”

☆ You look up at him mid bite, slightly confused but also intrigued at a new topic of conversation.

☆ “I think it has something to do with the law, I don’t know, babe. But one time I heard someone say that on one of those court shows…” you drone on for a while.

☆ Chris always Googles the answers afterwards, not because he doesn’t believe you, but because he truly thinks you’re the smartest person on this planet and you haven’t been wrong yet.

☆ You’re both equally insane, you’ll laugh like crazy people no matter where you are.

☆ You tell the best jokes too, your mind works so fast that you’re able to create comebacks and quick, witty remarks to everything he says.

☆ Sometimes you’ll join him and his brothers on grocery trips, and the both of you wander off just completely in your own world.

☆ You’re the only person who can catch Chris off guard.

☆ You’ll say something completely unexpected and outlandish, causing him to pause whatever he’s doing and stare at you in shock.

☆ “Babe! No way you just said that.”

☆ “I said it, and I’ll say it again.”

☆ When you’re with friends, you tend to talk over each other and your friends almost break their necks switching their attention between you and Chris.

☆ To other people it might seem like you’re fighting each other for the spotlight, but in reality you’re able to bounce off each other’s energy and add on to whatever the other says.

☆ He knows what it’s like to be called annoying, so if anyone ever makes you feel uncomfortable for being talkative he defends you without hesitation.

☆ “Watch your fucking mouth. Don’t say shit like that about her.”

☆ Every conversation you have is full of inside jokes that no one else can keep up with, and it’s literally something new every week.

☆ Although other people are confused by the jokes, you and Chris understand each other fully, almost like you speak your own made up language.

☆ You make each other laugh so hard that your cheeks and ribs will start hurting.

☆ “Chris stop! I’m gonna pee,” you wheeze, rolling over on your side as you try to catch your breath.

☆ He keeps going though, making you laugh harder by making silly faces and funny voices through his story.

☆ After long days of filming and being away from you, he’ll cuddle up next to you in bed and murmur through the drowsiness, “Talk to me baby.”

☆ You know he’s tired so you don’t talk his ear off at a high energy, you just retell your day and play with his hair, kissing his face between sentences.

☆ He loves the sound of your voice, each word as sweet as honey, instantly lulling him into a peaceful sleep.

☆ You’re very opinionated and sometimes you say something he disagrees with, instantly creating a debate between the two of you.

☆ The debates always start off innocent, just you two going back and forth with opinions and the occasional fact.

☆ It’s not until it gets personal that Chris gets upset, giving you the silent treatment until you’re begging for him to talk to you again.

☆ “Chris, I’m sorry! Just talk to me, I’m so bored without you!” He tries putting on a tough guy act, but it never lasts long so he’s forgiving you within seconds.

☆ When you’re around older people, they always comment on what a nice, kind couple you two are because you engage in conversation with everyone.

☆ “What a nice old lady,” Chris says, slinging an arm around you as you both walk away.

☆ “Such wisdom,” you chime in, both of you falling into a fit of laughter. You could never take anything serious.

☆ NSFW

☆ Chris knows not to look too into your conversations with other guys, but sometimes he can’t help but get jealous.

☆ He’ll lose you at a party and find you talking to a stranger, an excited aura surrounding you as you jump from topic to topic.

☆ When he sees the guy becoming too comfortable and touchy, he makes his way over to you and inserts himself in the conversation.

☆ Later, he’s fucking you to teach you a lesson and clamping a strong hand over your mouth to keep you quiet, “This dirty little mouth of yours got you in trouble, Princess.”

☆ Other times he just gets turned on by your voice.

☆ He wants you to talk him through the sex and guide him on what positions you want.

☆ “C’mon baby, tell me how bad you want it.”

☆ Despite you both being talkative, there’s times when you’re so fucked out you’re speechless.

☆ The only sound that fills the room is skin slapping and Chris’s animalistic grunts, followed by your whimpers and small squeaks.

☆ He relishes in it, “This dick has you speechless, huh?”

☆ All he gets in response is a whimper, as you claw at his back for support.

☆ Chris loves when you dirty talk him, using your words to say filthy things to him.

☆ It riles him up beyond belief, and if you keep it going he’s lasting at least 3 rounds.

☆ Afterwards, he loves cuddling or spooning, both of you talking for hours about your future together.

—

MASTERLIST

A/n:

Happy birthday to me! (It was yesterday at this point)

Thank you for this request and NEVER apologize for your English/ grammar. I’m a bilingual education major and I firmly believe you don’t need to apologize for that EVER. I luv u!

Also I’m bilingual (English & Spanish) If any of yall ever want to send in a request in Spanish, go ahead bbys! LOS AMO 💋💋💋

Lastly, I’ll admit that this was harder to write than Matt’s version idky

- L.A.M.B👼🏻💗

—

taglist: @nicksmainbitch @sturniololovers @mayhem-72 @worldlxvlys @gnxosblog @meg-sturniolo @creamoncreamoncream2 @mattnchrisworld @sanyi5 @lustfulslxt @whicked-hazlatwhore @tworosesblackthorn @mxqdii @fawned01 @junnniiieee07

note: if you want to be tagged in my fanfic related posts, you can access my TAGLIST and comment 💐

[ange1heavensent]

Jackson Girlfriend!Ellie Headcanons

:｡.｡:+* ﾟ ゜ﾟ *+:｡.｡:+* ﾟ ゜ﾟ *+:｡.｡.｡:+*ﾟ ゜ﾟ *+:｡.｡:

Pairing: ellie williams x fem!reader

w/c ≈ 660

:｡.｡:+* ﾟ ゜ﾟ *+:｡.｡:+* ﾟ ゜ﾟ *+:｡.｡.｡:+*ﾟ ゜ﾟ *+:｡.｡:

☆ Entertainment in Jackson is limited, but movie nights are a constant in your relationship with Ellie. Thankfully, Ellie has a TV in her house, and many nights are spent cuddled together in her bed watching films. You two quickly discovered you don’t always agree on what to watch. To solve this, you both take turns picking movies. When it’s your turn, you sometimes choose horror films, which Ellie "watches" with her face buried in your neck, a pillow, or with her eyes tightly shut. It always amuses you how someone whose job is to kill infected can be terrified of ghosts and jump scares. Even if she’s afraid, she never complains. You would happily wrap your arms around Ellie and help her cover her eyes from what scared her. 

☆ More on girlfriend!ellie is that she cannot be quiet during movies. She loves making snarky, dirty remarks about the actors and actresses, often with a grin on her face. She also has a knack for figuring out the plot within the first 20 minutes. Sometimes she accidentally blurts out her theory, forgetting that you might want to enjoy the movie without spoilers. But most of the time, she’s mindful and keeps her predictions to herself.

☆ Ellie always has cold hands, and for some reason, they always seem to find their way to you. Whether it’s under the covers or sneaking a hand under your shirt when you're not paying attention, she loves hearing your whiny complaint when her icy fingers touch your warm skin.  

☆ Ellie has a habit of bringing you little trinkets she finds while on patrol. Broken jewelry, random rocks, tiny figurines, she always finds the strangest things, but she'll always justify bringin it home to you because she says that they reminded her of you. Over time, these trinkets pile up in your shared space. Ellie loves the cluttered, homey vibe. At this point, though, it’s more “messy” than “cluttered,” with stuff scattered all over the house.

☆ Teaching you to play the guitar is one of Ellie’s favorite things to do. She’s patient with you, gently correcting your fingers as you fumble over chords and she always insists that you’ll get better with time. Sometimes, when you’re just not getting it, she’ll take your hands and move them herself or hold the chords herself and let you do the strumming, all while smiling softly at you, humming softly in your ear. 

☆ Ellie always begs you to cut her hair when it starts getting too long. Even though you’re terrified of messing it up, making it uneven or too short, she always reassures you. "Hair grows back," she says with a shrug. "I don’t care, but you’re the one who has to look at me every day" she jokes, easing your nerves. It’s become a regular routine now, and even though you’re still nervous every time, you’ve gotten pretty good at it.

☆ Ellie is notorious for stealing the bed covers at night. You’ll wake up shivering, only to find her cocooned in a mountain of blankets, fast asleep. You always manage to wrestle a bit back, but she’s a blanket thief through and through.

☆ Ellie tries her best to comfort you when you’re sad, but she’s not exactly sure how to do it. She’ll awkwardly pat your back or try to make you laugh with silly jokes. It’s the thought that counts, and you appreciate every clumsy attempt she makes.

☆ Ellie draws you all the time. She’ll scribble sketches of you in her journal, your eyes, your smile, the way your hair falls across your face. Sometimes she even draws your hands, completely obsessed with the little details. If she ever finds an old camera on patrol, she’ll snatch it up in a heartbeat. Ellie loves taking photos of you, capturing moments where you aren’t paying attention. She swears it’s because “the lighting was good,” but you know it’s just because she’s crazy about you.

:｡.｡:+* ﾟ ゜ﾟ *+:｡.｡:+* ﾟ ゜ﾟ *+:｡.｡.｡:+*ﾟ ゜ﾟ *+:｡.｡:

Thank you for reading! If you liked this fic, check out my masterlist for more :)

[multi-kpop-fanfics]

Hi zeta! So I received a notification today that I was ovulating and had a thought. Husband/Ceo!Cheol checking your phone as you received and notification that you were ovulating. Like my man would go crazy and be at it like the fucking rabbits.

(sorry why is this so long)

tw: dom!seungcheol, sub!reader (fem), marriage!au, unpotected sex (pls stay safe), breeding kink, mentions of kids and pregnancy, praise, use of petnames, daddy and mommy kink (they want to be actual parents), mating press, spanking, oral (f rec), cockwarming - minors dni.

@gyuwoncheol tagging her bcs she helped me to her own demise

"Babe?"

"Yes darling?"

"You have a new notification!" Seungcheol yells from the other end of the living room.

"I'll check it later, thanks!" You yell back, trying to make yourself heard through the noise of the kitchen mixer.

Seungcheol is a man who values your privacy and would never attempt the petty snooping around on your phone.

But how could he miss the bright notification of your cycle tracking app saying that you're ovulating?

He turns his head to your direction and looks at the shape of your body standing in front of the counter and his mind races at the thought of you bearing his kids and having them run around your legs in the future.

And it makes him want to fuck you until he has made sure you're pregnant.

He gets up from the couch and walks up behind you, snaking his arms around your waist and resting his chin on your shoulder.

"You sure love back hugs, don't you?" You let out a small laugh.

"How can I not when I have such a pretty wife?" He hums.

"Oh, I see how it is." You turn off the mixer and turn around to face him. "Come on, out with it, big guy."

"What? Can't I just compliment my wife because I feel like it?" He pouts his lips.

"Seungcheol, you never compliment me without any reason."

"I was just thinking...."

"I knew it."

"I haven't even said anything yet!" He complains.

"Oh my God, just say it!"

"I was thinking how pretty you'd look with a belly full of our kids."

Your eyes widen with shock at your husband's blunt words. It's true that you've discussed the possibility of widening your family with Seungcheol and you know he would be the most silly and doting dad ever. But the way he looks at you and his hands tighten on your body makes you feel a tad bit jittery (in a very good way).

"Did you just think of that, or...?"

"Your tracking app said you're ovulating and I can't get it out of my damn head." Seungcheol groans.

"You checked my phone?!"

"I didn't unlock it! It was right beside me and I just saw the pop-up on the screen!"

"And that made you worked up already?" You deadpan.

"God, you have no idea." He drops his head on your shoulder and rolls his hips against you.

"You're incorrigible." You hug him with a light chuckle.

You feel his lips stretching in a grin and he throws you over his shoulder with one swift motion, carrying you to the bedroom. You complain all the way, but he just slaps your ass and puts you down on the mattress, your legs hanging from the edge of the bed.

"I am indeed incorrigible, darling." Seungcheol strips himself down to bare skin and purposefully climbs over you to grab a pillow and place it under your lower back.

"I'll do everything in my power," he hooks his fingers in the hem of your sweats and drags them away from your legs, "to get your pretty pussy," he removes your cotton panties to reveal your cunt, "full of my cum until you physically can't take more inside you."

"C-Cheol-" You watch your husband kneel on the foot of the bed, ready to use his tongue on you.

"Talk to me, darling. Tell me what you want."

"Fuck, I want your kids so bad." You moan and spread your legs, putting your hands under your knees to pull them on your sides.

"That's what I thought too." He smirks and leans down to press a kiss on your clit, followed by full-bodied swipes of his wet muscle from your puffy bud of nerves to your hole, waiting for your pussy to drip just enough to get messy.

"You're so perfect, you know that?" He brings your legs on your chest and puts your ankles on his shoulders, the head of his cock dragging over your pussy. "Perfect wife, with a perfect pussy." He whispers and slides his shaft inside you, stealing your moans with his mouth.

You let yourself get lost in the feeling of his pillowy lips, all while his cock is battering up your cunt. Your leg muscles tense up from being stretched out to their limits, but you don't want to switch up positions.

"Sweet, sweet fucking cunt, all ready to keep my cum safe." Seungcheol groans wildly on your lips, "Want to make you a mommy so bad."

"Fuck, I want you to be a daddy, Cheol, ah!" You throw your head back on the bed, watching your husband plow his hips in you relentlessly, his bottom lip caught between his pearly whites.

"W-Want a pretty little girl, w-with your eyes and lips, wanna treat her like a princess."

"And a rowdy little b-boy, so you c-can play g-games with him." You stammer over your words, but you get the message across.

"Fuck, I love you so much, darling." Seungcheol moans airily and plants his hands beside your head, rutting in you like a madman, sweat dripping down his body and a few drops landing on your chest.

"Cheol, I'm c-close." You sob.

"Me too, baby. Just a little more, please." He begs you to hold out.

You do as he says and you cum undone underneath him, his thick cock pulsing until he has emptied himself inside your cunt, not daring to pull away from you.

A few seconds of silence pass and none of you has moved yet. Your pussy clenches around his cock ever so slightly and you whimper, your legs falling limp on the bed.

"Even your pussy wants more, babe." Seungcheol chuckles and moves his cock inside you, bringing himself back to full hardness.

"You mean you've got more to give?" You pant.

"For you? Always."

[dontlookatmytmntcollection]

Leonardo (NSFW Alphabet)

Bayverse Leonardo x F!Reader

First of four instalments of my NSFW Alphabet series. Word count: 2500. Some warnings of bondage, overstimulation, breeding and trauma.

Leonardo’s nature is leadership and taking charge, and that would reflect in the bedroom, despite his initial inexperience. Moment’s when he’s willing to let you take the lead or let you treat him are super DELICIOUS- but he prefers to serve and command your pleasure. Very dominant. 

Enjoy!

A - Aftercare (What they’re like after sex) - Chemical rush hits him particularly hard. He’s a lot more relaxed and often smiles and laughs and asks if you’re okay, even if he was in a grumpy mood previously. Will press kisses everywhere. Learned very fast he hates feeling dirty, so he’s usually up and about very fast. But he also loves the intimacy of cleaning his partner. Fetching you water and getting you into a comfortable resting position, manhandling you over a towl and giving you kisses and nuzzles all comes naturally to him.

B - Body Part (Their favorite body part of theirs or partner) - He loves your back and neck and collar bones. He could pet and hold and trace them all day. 

C - Cum (Anything to do with cum) - He isn’t relaxed about it. Will almost always stiffen up and go quiet. He’ll grab something, like the pillows or blankets and squeeze there. He knows he can hurt you. If he makes any noise it’s always on that first exhale when the orgasm releases him. Something choked and sometimes a little loud before he starts to catch his breath and relax. 

D - Dirty Secret - When he was young, he came across a shibari magazine. He still has it to this day. He thought he was into hard-core dom stuff, but then when he got an actual partner he would realize how not happy he is when his partner isn’t feeling incredible. Becomes much more of a soft-dom type. Lots of petting and kissing you while he holds you down and takes care of you, type stuff. But yunno, he was suspiciously very good at shibari in the beginning.

E - Experience (How much experience do they have) - He doesn’t know shit and he HATES it. So it take forever for him to actually want to have sex for real. Him not knowing what to do is very vulnerable and frustrating for him, especially when you get hurt. Communicating to him at first is like walking on egg shells. So when his dick is stretching you a little too far too quickly, you making a hurt noise or yelping out 'stop' it horrifies him. You gotta keep him on track and out of his head a lot in the beginning.

F - Favorite Position - Positions are one of those things he loves to experiment and mess around with. Even the crazy goofy looking ones. His superhuman flexibility, strength, and love for physical fitness will do nothing but assist. But if he HAD to pick a favorite; Missionary. But the kind of missionary where he has a thumb in your mouth and his lips against your temple while he holds your legs where he wants them while he grinds hard into you. Loves the power and intimacy there, and it gives him easy access to talk or bite. 

G - Goofy (How goofy are they?) - At first, not silly at all. Then even with experience he still appreciates the seriousness and intensity of sex. But Leo actually smiles and laughs a lot during sex. Lots of firm kisses and nuzzles, even if things are getting intense for you. His job is done when you can't stand on your own, have tears all over your face from how good it felt; but you're giggling and hugging him. Loves to flirt and joke with you, in and out sex. Very boyish about it. 

H - Hair - Beyond his desire to have things clean, he doesn’t care.

I - Intensity (How are they during the moment) - Outside of the first several times he has sex, he usually has his wits about him, so it is almost always intense for you. Sex becomes an easy outlet to release energy and strong emotions. That means you are the sole receiver of such things, and he likes it that way. Leo doesn't experience emotional sex until later in a relationship, and it will affect him very deeply; so be prepared to handle a very needy, clingy, and tired Leo for at least an hour or so. 

J - Jack Off (Masturbation Headcanon) - He hates masturbating. He’s too paranoid and he always feels that he’s doing something wrong. He hates it, but he needs it. He knows it will take the edge of frustration off. So when he does; it is ALWAYS in the shower. He needs privacy and it’s easy to clean and forget about. It’s almost never on his mind until it’s in the middle of the night and he CAN’T. Makes it extra hard to sleep sometimes. 

K - Kink (One or more of their kinks) - One time he had you in doggy, and he was getting close. He had huddled all around you and had bit your shoulder when you whispered, “Breed, that pussy Leo. Give it to me, give me a baby-” His brain rewired that day. Knew kink unlocked.

L - Location (Favorite places to do the deed) - He REALLY needs privacy. And familiarity. He struggles to focus on anything other than your safety when you are in a new or public place; and sex is (almost) never on his mind when his family is around. Even if you got hands all over him. If he gets familiar with your apartment, he might venture out into odd spots around there if you live alone. But- he IS kinda into the thought of having outdoorsy sex. He loves the sun. Anddd he loves the water. So If you SOMEHOW convince him to stay in a lakeside cabin, or a super pimped up apartment with a private outdoor pool, with no one around, just saying…perfect anniversary/birthday present for him.

M - Motivation (What turns them on) - Like I said, if you get him some safety and privacy (usually your bedroom or apartment with the door locked) Leo will suddenly want sex with you like- ALL THE TIME.

N - No (Turn OFFs) - Don’t hit him, don’t degrade him, and the instant you say stop or no- he’s done. It’s actually a struggle (especially in the beginning) to get him back in the mood if he actually hurts you. It made teaching ‘what hurts and what doesn’t’ a little rough. He would greatly benefit from the ‘color system’ technique over a safe word. It allows him to check in and get assurance and feed back and much as he needs to- instead of having to wait for your explicit ‘no stop’. Also allows him to remain confident even if you’re ‘struggling away’ or shaking uncontrollably or making really, really sexy overwhelmed noises. Yunno...

O - Oral (Preference in giving/receiving) - Leo gives regularly (constantly). He takes pride in being…really good at it. However he LOVES receiving. He rarely - if ever - asks for a bj. But fuck, it’s one of his favorite things. He loves looking down at you and making eye contact with you while you stare at him and love on him and (struggle) to suck, touch and please him. It blows his mind and he thinks about it constantly. But he’s also aware he gets a little more reactive like this. His noises get a little louder and higher, his eye's roll back a lot, he twitches and shakes a tad bit more than he usually allows himself to. He thinks the loss of control is a little embarrassing. You think it's hot as fuck.

P - Pace (Are they fast/rough or slow/sensual) - This boy LOVES to drag sex out. He’ll slow down or speed up when he sees fit. Especially if it drags out your finish. Or gets you to finish multiple times. He will rarely get physically rough during sex beyond some hair pulling and manhandling. The roughest he gets is when he’s close, when he needs to speed up or grab/bite you. The bruises are always worth it. 

Q - Quickie (Their opinions on quickies) - His need for privacy and you’re safety make quickies difficult if not outright impossible. Unless it’s his season or ya’ll haven't had privacy in days- yeah, he’s taking you to the bathroom and you’re going to be very quiet for him, you understand?

R - Risk (Are they game to experiment? Do they take risks, etc) - Leo doesn’t like to actually be restrained. So beyond public/indecent acts and something that can ACTUALLY prevent him from rising to an emergency situation - he is down to try everything once with you. You sometimes have to beg him to be on the receiving, submissive side of things. But it doesn’t take much effort at all if he’s in a good mood. He will desire at least some research into some topics, but he’s already big on communication, so that would make navigating new things much, much easier.

S - Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last) - All of the turtles have superhuman stamina. With practice, Leo could have sex all day if you allowed it. 

T - Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them?) - Leo was never ever opposed to toys. He’d be awkward about things being placed on him. Doesn’t really use them on himself. But he’d master toys very, very quickly, and would see them as the tools (torture devices) that they are. I also see him (with age and experience) owning his own small collection eventually. Mainly vibrators and rope, and I see him liking glass things. He thinks they are beautiful and easy to clean. 

U - Unfair (How much do they tease) - In the realm of PDA, when he’s trying to tease you sexually he actually goes the opposite than physical touch? His teasing comes in the form of super SUPER intense bedroom eyes. All while he’s got some ‘grumpy’ almost prowley body language. It would look like he's kinda irritated, like he’d be in a chair with one hand on his face while bouncing his leg. Then he’d look up at you and you’d just KNOW. Or he’d be walking somewhere on the other side of the room and he’s walking all slow and intense and he's giving you LOOKS to the point where you don’t want to look at him. It’s JUST subtle enough that no one seems to notice, but it’s hot. The type to duck down close enough to whisper, "I need you naked and on the bed as soon as we get home, you hear me?"

V - Volume (How loud they are, what sounds?) - Okay, if you ask Leo this question, he’s gonna deny he makes noises. He’s one of THOSE guys. Thinks it’s embarrassing. But he’s a liar. He is very noisy. He wasn’t at first, given his background paranoia around sex and masturbation and how ‘unprivate’ his life has been. But during sex, when he’s out of breath he makes growly, frustrated sounds. But on days when you treat him, when you’re riding him or giving him a bj and he’s 'not allowed to touch'- his moans get a little desperate and almost emotional. It’s rare but it’s SUPER hot when he whimpers. He won’t make a peep in the middle of orgasm but depending on it’s strength, his next noise can be pretty loud. Sometimes he bites something or buries his face in you in an effort to avoid letting anything out. While his noises are super sexy, watching Leo try to hide them is also kinda hot too.

W - Wild Card (Random) - He’s always secretly dreamed he could get married. Have a house, a wife and kids- His fantasy of having you married, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen is something that will take him years to admit to you. Sex gets extremely vulnerable and intense for him very very quickly if you two start dirty talking about getting you pregnant. He will need an hour of recovery and closeness after, and if he doesn’t get that (if you two get interrupted or pulled away), anything that prevents him from recharging in your arms- he won’t be okay for a while. Leaves him in a dark mental space. 

X - X-Ray (what’s going on in those pants) - I am team cloaca. Leo's still pretty big, proportionate to himself, and that means MASSIVE for you. Despite the extra lubricant and smoothness of his erection, he takes great care to prepare you always for his size, if it even gets to that point. He’s not the type to think penetration is the best part of sex, and is happy to let it go for the sake of earning you and/or him a fantastic orgasm (or several).

Y - Yearning (How high is their sex drive) - He can go weeks without having sex, but that does not mean he doesn't want it.  The frequency of sex is not as high on the list as a lot of other things, but he craves it daily with you. His drive is very high, and he will pounce on every opportunity you allow. His self control, discipline, and life-long experience SUPPRESSING his sexual drive assist in keeping his yearning under control. 

Z - Zzz (How quickly they fall asleep afterwards) - Leo is huge on clean up, and he’s instinctively a provider so he is quick to hand you water, manhandle you on top of a towel, then curl up for cuddles and kisses and laughs. Sleep (especially deep sleep) is difficult for Leo. But if you provide him with a long, physically exerting session, a strong orgasm, your arms and legs around him and lots of cuddles and kisses, suddenly everything is right with the world, everything is going to be okay, and he always finds the best sleep like this. Always. 

[dangopango00]

KISSES WITH HIM

Giving, Receiving, Misc (General-Beginning-Comfortable)

Sports Characters x S/O!GN Reader

(Hyoma Chigiri, Kenma Kozume)

A/N: Random late night burst of productivity going crazy rn my heart is so full 🥹 love my long haired sports beloveds they’re both serving that black cat gf vibe but in different ways 

Also the misc is basically bout accessories n stuff; stuff that may or may not apply to you hc as well as yn wise 

Also messy bcos I haven’t slept um. Anyway, im sorry its so biased the thoughts were just flowing into my head my bad ill do better

HCS UTC

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hyoma Chigiri:

{ GIVING

I swear this dude makes flustering you his personal goal and he definitely likes to kiss you when you least expect it for his own amusement as he likes the surprised face you make 

Life hack to get more kisses is stroke his ego because he will give in 100% of the time even if he knows you have an ulterior motive; his heart just feels so full when you praise him because he knows you mean it AND he’s confident in himself, so he knows it's true too 

Basically an angel during the beginning of your relationship like he’s still him of course but he doesn’t tease you as much and he’s gentler since he doesn’t know you intimately yet– quick soft kisses and a ghost of a touch

I don’t think there’d be a time where he’s really uncomfortable per se in your relationship as he’s already quite bold and I am subscribed to the Hyoma best friends to lovers agenda but I do think he’d be more playful/confident as time goes on and would start messing with you more intimately like nipping your lip a bit when kissing and teasing you more often (he thinks it's funny)

HUGE TEASE but also just a bit clingy in general. Like I said, he likes to fluster you for his own entertainment, so he definitely does fakeout kisses but sometimes he just wants to be close to you. For example, getting impossibly close to you and giving you a smirk vs resting his forehead on yours, letting his eyelids flutter shut are very different moods for him but tend to have the same effect on you

{ RECEIVING 

Will refuse kisses on his face during and shortly after skincare time but you’re allowed to kiss him all you want right before then and once the products have set into your skin (you def do your skincare together); Once he’s had enough gently presses his thumb to your lips and teases you, noting that you seem to be in a lovey dovey mood

Definitely easy to fluster in the beginning of your relationship since he isn’t used to your relationship being intimate and probably gets needy fast if the kiss grows passionate

I just know no matter what he was doing, this dude was always ready and waiting for a kiss; this especially applies if he’s getting ready to leave for a prolonged amount of time like for practice or whatever he may have to do and he keeps looking over checking where you are to see if he will get the kiss he so desires

Once he gets more comfortable, he’d love it if you were cheesier tbh. I think he would find cheesy romantic gestures silly and endearing as he enjoys the simple things. He just likes to know that you love him and that you mean it; ESPECIALLY likes when you put your own personal spin on a classic cheesy gesture like giving him a bouquet of handwritten love notes or books he’d like (Booket booket for my sweetiey 🥹)

Not a big fan of being peppered in kisses especially if you’re wearing lipgloss/stick/balm (sticky and messy) but he really enjoys seeing the way you smile at him– the way any tension in your face absolutely melts after you do it 

{ BONUS/MISC

A HUUUGEEE sucker for you running your hands through his hair as you kiss, it drives him up the wall; contrary to popular belief I really don’t think he would like you pulling on it. Bye. He’d make a face 

I’m not sure how actually committed I am to this HC bc I do in fact have vampire fever rn but just thought of him with slightly prominent canines (little fangies) I think it would be cute; he’d def kiss your cheek then nip it a bit for fun 

His skin is SOOOOOO soft, the most squishable face in the world and that extends to his lips. Feigns irritation when you squish his cheeks and kiss him, but he thinks it's silly; rolls his eyes 

If you have piercings, he would NOT stop kissing them; loves the cold of the metal against his lips, especially if it’s a lip piercing

If you have curly/wavy/coily hair he’d twist your hair around his finger when flirting with you before or after kissing you

If you are muscular or have some chub he’d love to feel you up while you kiss; when it comes to muscle of course he’d love to run his hands over your muscles (namely your chest and back) and when it comes to chub, he’d be a fan of smoothing his thumbs over your love handles (area right before where your thighs start– pelvis bone area)

Kenma Kozume:

{ GIVING

He’s kinda in his own head so honestly, he probably wouldn’t be the initiator often even if you’ve been together for a while like he straight up forgets he can do that sometimes

DEFINITELY likes when you ask him to kiss you because it makes him feel needed; he’s always the one being needy for you, so he loves when you return the same energy for him because it reminds him that despite everything you do love him

You have to direct him a little bit in the beginning of your relationship bc he’ll just peck you and go back to what he was doing or linger hoping you’ll ask for more at most if you ask him for a kiss 😭 

Can’t stop smiling into the damn kiss once he gets comfortable in your relationship because he’s just so happy to be with you like going about his day is neutral but getting a kiss from you is something special for him 

When he does kiss you, he usually takes it very slow with chaste pecks on your cheeks and around your mouth until finally planting a gentle yet long lasting kiss directly on your lips

{ RECEIVING 

Is like a cat that gets a little overwhelmed at too much attention; scrunches his face if you kiss all over his face for too long, he’s not mad about it but he feels like his head will explode, evident by the wrinkle of his nose and by how tightly knitted his brows appear

Definitely a little insecure about his lips being chapped in the beginning of your relationship and lathers his mouth in chapstick before kissing you if he can help it

He even gets a bit nervous if you kiss him before he can get to it especially since your lips feel so nice to him while his are…meh

When he gets more comfortable in your relationship, he’d love it if you pulled on his clothes while kissing him like for example pulling him towards you by his collar or simply holding onto his clothes while kissing 

Huge fan of you kissing him while you’re both shirtless but it embarasses him so bad he would have a heart attack and a half, so he instead enjoys biting your shoulder from behind while you’re shirtless  

{ BONUS/MISC

I recently started hcing Kenma with like seasonal freckles at least so I think he’d be a big fan of you kissing them as he used to get made fun of for having them and often hid them if he could

Lwk likes it when you sneak up on him while he’s wearing his headphones and give him a kiss it’s like a treat especially if you do it when he’s about to get heated at a game he’s playing

This isn’t really a hc as he does have eyebags canonically butttt I think he would LOVE when you kiss his eyebags it never fails to make him smile and he doesn’t really know why, doesn’t really get why you do it in the first place either, but he enjoys it

If you have long nails, he’d be such a fan of you digging them into him a bit while you kiss (not too hard just enough to feel it)

If you wear sweetly scented smell goods (especially if it resembles the scent of freshly baked apple pie!!) it serves as a reminder that he should kiss you; pulls him out of his head for a bit 

If you wear jewelry, he’d subconsciously fiddle with some of your jewelry while you kiss, like holding your hands and twisting your rings a bit while you kiss or grazing over your earrings with his thumb

[solarsturniolo]

gonna need an nsfw alphabet from you for Matt if u haven’t already

Matt Sturniolo NSFW alphabet

Warnings: NSFW (obviously) / Sex / kinks / like it’s literally descriptive blurbs about what he’s like during sex idk what else to even put lmao

A = Aftercare: Matt’s a sweetheart and he makes sure to take good care of you after doing the deed. He’ll clean you up and help you slip into one of his shirts before pulling you into his arms to hold you. Whispering soft praises against your hair, peppering kisses across your head and face. If there’s anything that you need, he’s doing it for you in a heartbeat.

B = Body part: His favorite body part of his are his hands, the one part of him that can feel every inch of you. He can hold you, squeeze you, caress you. His hands know every crevice, every crook and cranny of your body. He could navigate your body with his eyes closed. His favorite body part of yours are your lips. He’d kiss you for hours if you’d let him. He loves how soft they are against his skin when you kiss him, and he loves the way they look when you smile at him. Not to mention how pretty his name sounds falling from your lips.

C = Cum: He’ll typically cum on your stomach or face, but some mornings he’s too lazy to put on a condom and too high with bliss to pull out. It’s rare when it happens, and he knows the consequences that could come with it, but there’s nothing he loves more than finishing inside you after a round of filthy sleepy morning sex.

D = Dirty secret: He reads fanfiction to study things to say or do during sex. Sometimes you wonder how he comes up with some of the things he says or how he knows just what to do at just the right time. He’s just glad you haven’t found his tumblr yet.

E = Experience: He hadn’t had sex very much before meeting you, maybe only once or twice. It took some guidance from you but he was a fast learner.

F = Favorite position: He loves missionary, he thinks the intimacy and closeness only enhances the alluring moment between you both. That being said, he also loves when you ride him. He loves anything that makes you feel more close and connected to each other. He also just likes being able to see your face.

G = Goofy: It’s no big secret that Matt’s a goofball. This doesn’t change in the bedroom. Sometimes between positions he’ll tickle your sides, other times he’ll stumble over his words and make a silly face. Something about it is charming and admirable, like he doesn’t change who he is in these intimate moments. He’s still the same goofy guy you fell in love with.

H = Hair: He keeps it neat and trimmed. He’ll let it grow out if he knows he’s not going to see you for a long period of time, but he likes to keep it well tamed when you’re around. His facial hair, however, he will grow out for…personal reasons.

I = Intimacy: Gentle touches and caresses, soft kisses all over your body, sweet whispers of praise…Matt is very intimate. He wants to soak it all in, every delicious second of it. He believes the sensual foreplay and teasing is just as important as the actual intercourse itself. He wants to be as close and passionate with you as he physically can.

J = Jack off: He’s a very organized individual and he has a system for everything, jerking off is no different. Every time he knows exactly what pictures and videos of yours to look at, and he knows he only needs about fifteen minutes max. He’s quiet and composed, though as he gets closer he’ll slip up and let a few whimpers out. He’ll lift up his shirt enough to spill his cum onto torso, then he’ll clean himself up and go back to whatever it was that he was doing before.

K = Kink: Matt isn’t super kinky, but he does have a handful of favorites. He likes choking, spanking, and bondage, but he doesn’t go out of his comfort zone too much to try anything crazy.

L = Location: Matt is a pretty old fashioned guy when it comes to where he wants to have sex. The bed is his favorite because he has you all to himself and doesn’t have to worry about any distractions. That being said, he still enjoys the risk every now and again. The car and the kitchen are his other two favorites. He loves to come up behind you after breakfast and snake his arms around your waist, kissing your neck softly. “You take such good care of me,” he whispers in his gravely sleepy voice. He’ll gently push you to lean over the counter, his hands moving to grasp your hips. “Now let me take care of you.”

M = Motivation: He knows it’s time to drag you to the bedroom when you’re kissing his neck. It’s the one thing that drives him absolutely crazy, and you know it.

N = No: Matt has no interest in pegging whatsoever. He’s fine with experimenting with the submissive stuff, but he draws the line at anything penetrating him. He also refuses to use a gag toy. He wants you to be able to use the safe word if the time ever came, so he ruled out anything that takes longer than 5 seconds to spit out of your mouth.

O = Oral: He doesn’t really care about receiving. He loves it, of course, but he would much rather be taking care of you. He loves to be buried between your legs, in fact he’ll find pretty much any excuse to be there. He will not move forward with anything until he has made you finish on his tongue at least once.

P = Pace: it depends on the mood that he’s in. Most of the time he likes to take his time, slow and sensual sex with soft music playing. But some days he has the animalistic urge to push you down onto the bed and have his way with you. It’s not often, usually only when you get him riled up, like when you manage to incorporate thigh high socks into whatever outfit you plan out. It awakens something primal in him and all he can think about for the rest of the day is what he’s going to do once you get back into his bedroom that night.

Q = Quickie: Matt prefers taking his time with you, so a quickie isn’t necessarily his favorite. But sometimes, in the heat of the moment, he’s game to squeeze a round in before he and his brothers have to leave to film. It’s very rare though, because one time he didn’t get to finish before he had to leave and you could definitely tell that he was irritated by it in the footage they had recorded that night.

R = Risk: Matt does not like taking risks. No shower sex, he wouldn’t want to risk slipping and hurting you. No public sex, he wouldn’t want anyone to see or hear and potentially catch you. If he is feeling risky, he’ll take you to an empty parking garage to have sex in his car.

S = Stamina: Matt can really only go about two rounds before he’s done for the night, but fortunately he also lasts a fairly long time. However, when he hasn’t seen you in a long period of time, a third round is almost guaranteed. He can’t help it, it’s hard not to finish fast the first round when he hasn’t held you in almost three weeks.

T = Toys: This man owns a fleshlight, argue with the wall.

U = Unfair: Love is a word that doesn’t even begin to describe his feelings toward teasing. He practically gets off to it. Watching you squirm and beg for him all while he just tilts his head and furrows his eyebrows. “What’s the matter, pretty girl? You don’t like when i do this?” He’ll smirk knowingly as you whine at his words, begging for him to do anything.

V = Volume: Hes not super loud, he doesn’t like the idea of anyone hearing what’s happening in his room when you’re there with him. Not because he’s ashamed, but because he doesn’t like to share. He likes any and all intimate moments with you to be only his. That being said, he still wants you to know how good you make him feel. He’ll grunt and moan softly against your skin, he’ll whisper dirty things in your ear about how perfect you feel around him. He knows just what to do to drive you crazy, he just likes to do it quietly :)

W = Wild card: He secretly enjoys being submissive sometimes, but he will never be the first one to suggest it or initiate it. But when you do suggest it, he is more than happy to fulfil your wishes as well as his own.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes): Matt has a great build, he’s not too big but not super scrawny. He’s toned but not ripped. As for what’s in his pants, he has what would be categorized as the perfect dick. Not small but not huge, he has enough to fill you up perfectly every time.

Y = Yearning: His sex drive is pretty high, especially around you. When you’re not there, it’s easier for him to ignore it, but when you’re a foot away from him he feels this almost primal need inside of him. The need to push you down and make you his. When you’re around, there’s no telling when his libido will dip, he just wants it the entire time you’re with him.

Z = Zzz: Matt cherishes the time after sex, he loves getting to snuggle with you and watch a few episodes of your new favorite show or having an in-depth discussion about your ongoing beef with that coworker you don’t like. He doesn’t care as long as he gets to be close to you. He usually won’t fall asleep until you have, and even then he likes to stay up and admire you while you’re at your most peaceful state.

a/n: hope you all enjoyed! please remember that these are all fictional.

Tags: @flowerxbunnie @mattslolita @mattsbratt69 @oversturn @simplysturn @soursturniolo @megamett44-lover @sturnybabes @jjmaybankswifes-blog @plasticferal @cupidsword @liz-stxrn @sturniolosreads @sturnioloskies @bernardsleftbootycheek @egirlshit @matthemunch44 @nonamegirlxsturniolo @chrizz333 @sturniolopowers @mattsleftnipple03 @worldlxvlys @hearts4chris @tillies33ssss @janiellasblog @creamoncreamoncream2 @breeloveschris @meg-sturniolo @ellie-luvsfics @mattsfavwh3re @lustfulslxt @braindead4l @xtravrgnoliveoil @ghostlythinggoingaround @taekwite @rootbeerworshiper

[womenloverlmao]

Spencer Reid NSFW Alphabet

He's so babygirl

Im not adding warnings or like whats included because this is all over the fucking place and yeah that's nobody's fault but my own but still

Dont like it dont read it, dont complain.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He thinks it's so fucking important, he could probably go off on a rant about it, too. (But let's be honest, he can go off on a rant about anything.) He thinks it creates an emotional bond, shit like that. Even though he's the sub, he does like to take care of you after you take care of him.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favorite (and yours of his) are his hands. He knows he knows what to do with them, driving you absolutely crazy. He also 100% teases you with it too, just saying. He can be insecure sometimes about certain things, but he knows them.

He loves your thighs and tits. Let's be honest, we all know he's a boob guy.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He cries when he climaxes sometimes.

Also he either likes cumming in you or on your tits. (Bro is obsessed with the tibbies)

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Sometimes steals your panties, but he puts them back (after washing them) and you don't really notice. He also knows how to hide it so like

This one you know about, he was getting INTO it and he got a work call that he had to pick up while he was still inside you. A couple whimpers were let out when you moved against him and it was so embarrassing but no one besides you two know. they thought he was sick because he is a sickly victorian child

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Bro is not experienced at all, he was a virgin before you, but he knows what he's doing from reading so fucking much about literally everything. Sure, he might be awkward at first, but once he's done it once and is sure you like it he's pretty good at everything.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He likes when you're on top, but his favorite is when your legs are thrown either around his waist or over his shoulders as he absolutely pounds into you like a bitch in heat.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.)

there are moments where even when he is balls-deep inside you you both can't help but laugh. he sometimes spews random facts and he can't shut himself up so it can be really a mess but you both love it.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

It all depends on your preferences. He keeps it relatively short, but if you need it shorter he'll do it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

It's 100% Intimate, even if it can be silly sometimes. it's just different, in your own way, really.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

When he's on his own in a hotel room and you're back home and he needs you, he'll do it. Most of the time he needs your voice to do so, but he knows when you go to bed, and if it's before that he will call you but if it's not he'll do it on his own. If you send him pictures of yourself? uses them. he won't admit it, but he does.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Mommy kink. I don't need to elaborate.

Orgasm Denial

Overstimulation

B r e e d i n g.

Degradation but only a little, you have to add praise to it and then it's fine.

Kinda like possession?? But not like in a keeping you or him locked up, in a 'you're mine' way.

Hair pulling.

Probably into pegging

Nipple play on you.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Bedroom. That's pretty much it. He gets to thinking too much anywhere else. He gets too into thinking in the bedroom, how do you expect him to fuck you in a bathroom shawty

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

You in his clothes. Dirty talk. Sometimes it's nothing specific, and he's touch-starved so he can act like a teenager.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

I feel like he would stay away from bondage after Hankel. Before then, he would be fine, but chances are this all takes place after so yeah no. Same reason for spanking and shit. It may look like he's super kinky, but there are more things he wouldn't do than things he would.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He likes when you give him head but dude would do anything if you let him eat you out. He's absolutely amazing. He has your body memorized, so like

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He can do whatever, but when he's trying to make himself cum (normally after he's made you cum and leaves you super fucking overstimulated but he wants to cum so badly) he's fast and like holy f u c k. but he knows how you like it, so before then it's whatever makes you cum quickest so he can cum. also random but I forgot to put that he always makes you cum first.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Will do them, but prefers having time with you and that shit.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He is but if it's something listed up there it's a no. He could try different things but there are many things that he just wouldn't do.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Can go like three five-minute rounds with breaks in between them, but when he's doing it on you he will probably overstimulate you to no end just trying to make you feel good.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He doesn't have anything but if you wanted to do things with them, they could be implanted.

If you got a dildo he would let you use it on him after a little bit of convincing.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Depends on the day and if he's being a dom or a sub, but even inside of those it depends. He leans more submissive and loves to please you, but he is 100% a brat and will tease you.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He is l o u d. he can be quiet but he will whimper, moan, whine, beg. (bitch in heat I'm not sorry)

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He loves listening and being the sub while being the top. Like... do you get what I mean?

Also one time he was in you, rubbing your clit, trying to get you to cum and he said 'Did you know about 75% of the clitoris is inside the body' and you actually burst out laughing and yall had to stop what you were doing and like gather everything and make sure you didn't die while he was inside you again.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

6.5 inches, and thick. like, ripping your vagina from the inside out thick. (why am I set on this hill please murder me slowly)

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

It wasn't high. until you came around, then he is just like EVERY MOMENT OF THE DAY turned on. it's physically impossible, or it should be.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

If it weren't so icky in his head he could probably fall asleep immediately afterwards, but he has to clean it up and then he can fall asleep.

[toruro]

to be young and in love

pairing: seungcheol x f reader

tags: smut (18+), loss of virginity, implied corruption kink

a/n: IF YOU SAW THIS ON MY ANIME BLOG NO U DID NOT. it's not my fault cheol and atsumu are the same person

first time with new college boyfriend seungcheol ... you're a little nervous though :[ everyone'd laughed at the idea of two of you at first because why would casanova of the century wanna settle down and do little 'boba dates~' with some random girl who'd always have her head in a silly little book :/ they didn't see the way he looked at you with sparkles in his eyes and added an extra inch to his smile when he sees you ...

they don't see the mess you've got seungcheol in right now ... making out lazily on his lap this sunday afternoon and before you know you're grinding over his clothed cock .,, cheol's lips are all red and swollen because fuck, if you can't get enough of him ... black hair all over the place and eyes hazy as he fights off the urge to cum in his pants when you look at him with a glossy gaze ... "'cheol ... i wanna ... y'know," you breath out, voice low and squeaky 'cause cheol kisses you so well it's like he's sucked out all the air in your lungs.

n seungcheol's grinning ear to ear as your eyebrows furrow cutely—can't fuckin' help the way his cock bulges in his sweats, you're too sweet, asking him all shy and stuff ... drives him fuckin' crazy, yknow? "you wanna what baby? ... wanna fuck?" and cheol coos so gingerly you think you might melt right on the spot ... melt into his palms and let him swallow you whole 'cause before you know it he's strippin' you bare, shoving his pants down—fuck, his cock's so pretty with that angry red tip and pretty pearls of pre ... cheol's a gentleman through and through though, and he fingers you nice and long, fat fingers making you squirm on his lap as he sucks dark hickeys into your neck, your tits ..

n when he finally replaces his fingers for his cock, you're cryin' into his shoulders ... "'s not gonna fit," you sob and cheol can't help himself ... just shushing you gently as you sink down on his fat length, trying not to fuck you into the mattress when he sees your cheeks glossy with tears ... you just look so pretty when you cry. he'll make it up to you by eating you out cleaning you up this cuddled in a nice hot bath later ... for now, watching your teeth caught between your teeth, pretty tits heavin' up and down, seungcheol knows he's just gotta deeper c:

[skullvgirl]

Hiii can i request somethinggg

Reo, Chigiri, Isagi, Bachira, Ness and Hiori first time seeing reader in a fitted clothes

when they see you in fitted clothing

incl. reo, chigiri, isagi, bachira, barou, shidou

warnings. fem reader, suggestive tones, possibly ooc

an's. hi anon :3 I actually don't write for ness or hiori because i still haven't read the manga and don't know if i plan to, i've replaced them with my favs

reo

he's honestly way more shy then you would think. he's without a doubt the one purchasing all of the clothing for you so he tells you too go crazy and pick anything you'd like.

he only slightly regrets it because soon enough your innocent sun dresses and playful skirts turn into short body con's and skin tight clothing.

he takes ALOT of pictures, tells you he wants to lock you up put you on display ( affectionate ) and people would have to pay millions just to get a peek at your beauty.

he never stopped taking pictures, you tell him put phone down so he at you can marvel right now and he feels like his face is on fire.

chigiri

chigiri is a hypocrite. he told you a few weeks ago he never understood the appeal of it, just prefrence from a pretty boy himself. that was untill he saw you in stocking that made your legs look so..

"beautiful...."

"hm" you asked him, getting ready for long awaited date. you couldn't quite hear him from where is stood.

"come ere' will you please?" he asks like he was desperate, like he couldn't go another second without you.

"yes-MMPF" he's kissing you, and you're glad you didn't start your makeup yet ;; you smile into the kiss and appreciate the feeling of him sliding his hands a bit lower than they would on you hips and ass.

"so you like the oufit?"

"oh i love the outfit , why don't you dress like this more often"

you only laugh.

chigiri was no longer a hypocrite. may the appeal wasn't so bad.

isagi

isagi is so cute about it omg. he feels like you guys aren't even dating the way you look right now. a skin tight all f/c bodycon dress reaching all the way down to your ankles.

he asks you politely to spin for him and you twirl, but instead of making a full 360° like he thought you would you bend and snap slowly in his direction, practically smoothering yourself in his face! (you were a well distance away, hes deluded off love rn)

you snap right back up, unfortunately his boner did not.

bachira

he's cheeky about it, reaal cheeky.

he asks if he can touch you and your confused on why hes asking since he's always touching you but you nod your head yes and smile anyways

what you don't expect is for him immediately take his rather large palms and put them perfectly on your ass, his head in the crook of your neck and tenderly squeeze the plush of your butt, his face completely red as he's doing this.

you almost want to laugh, but you dont. instead you lightly flick his forehead while his hands are still on your ass and you practically have to rip him off to let you keep changing.

silly boy

barou

your at the (big and pretty empty) mall, dressing room has a chair for him to sit and wait on while you change from outfit to outfit and he's not paying much attention at first really. he was only planning on being your wallet for today, you had other plans however.

not a minute too soon you come out dressed. shortest skirt he's ever damn seen, askimpy little top on along with tall 6inch heels, and thats it! not a single thing else on you.

"how about this one babe, think I should wear this too the party next week?"

he doesn't say anything at first, he can't find the words for what he feels right now. on onr hand, you look damn good. on the other hand, there isnt a single person other than himself he would want to see you right now.

"how about, you wear it, just for me?" his phone is completely put away by now.

you smile and walk over to him. "sure that works perfectly too."

got his attention now.

shidou

he hadn't realize he'd never seen you in fitted clothing before, because lets be honest. he's a slut, there's no way he wouldn't notice if you had a crazy hot body like the one he's looking at right now.

"where'd you get that from"

you look surprised too see him, you were playing dress up in your room by yourself. you didn't realize he'd came in, since he was rather loud when he usally did.

"a friend let me borrow it, just for tonight. ya' know for the party, just seeing how it fits"

"oh really..." he's glancing at you up and down, not failing to lock eyes with your clevage as he does so.

he rests his arm on the door frame and without another word raises his finger and twirls it slowly. you do as command and he can only imagine what he could make you do with more fingers.

"do me a favor please?"

"hm?"

"take your clothes off" you blink and burst out laughing, but quickly realize he's dead serious. oh so this is happening.

you do as comanded, and he follows suit.

an's. omg guys im back. ( with another highly suggestive post unsurprisingly)

[bugsbia]

ʚ NSFW Alphabet with Scaramouche

ʚ BEFORE READING: Fem reader, Scara is pretty rough in this one since it's focused on Fatui era Scaramouche. Will probably also do a Wanderer and Kabukimono era versions. Also, to anyone who has sent a request, I will be getting to those <3

ʚ WARNINGS: Scara is distant and mean!! Just don't read this if you can't handle rough kinks<3

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Scaramouche does not like his aftercare, he thinks it's another pointless human ritual that he see's no point in, human emotions are truly pointless to him, as is their comfort. He'd much rather just fuck your brains out then go back to do his own thing without a word being exchanged afterwards, truly you're just a toy for him to use when he can't hold back anymore, or at least that's what he tries to convince himself.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of your body)

He doesn't have a specific favourite, he just prefers whatever is most sensitive since he can use that to torture you. Whatever it is, your nipples, your thighs, even if it's your throat, he'll use it against you. He'll bite you, slap you, do whatever he can to watch you squirm beneath him.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically)

He avoids cumming inside of you, he's not sure if he can get you pregnant since he's a puppet but he doesn't want to risk it. he doesn't need some sort of pregnancy scandal because that would not only tie him to someone but it would also cause problems within his job. But he'll gladly cum on your face, he can't deny the satisfaction he feels when he see's your fucked out face covered in his cum.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

His dirty little secret is that he actually thinks your moans are like music to his ears, just so perfect that it drives him crazy, ESPEICALLY when you moan his name. It sends him reeling, he always ends up losing control and just pounding into you whenever you moan his name.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Experience is not something he has, he spent most of his life wandering around Teyvat as The Kabukimono which didn't exactly bring about a lot of chances for him to gain any experience. Truthfully you were his first, but he pretends you weren't, he doesn't want you to know something so vulnerable about him. So he'll continue on pretending you're just one of many girls just drooling over him, when in reality you're the only one he's willing to sleep with.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying.)

Nothing beats missionary to him, it's simple and not physically demanding but also gives him perfect access to you. He can easily reach down and choke you, tease your nipples or drive you crazy by tormenting your clit. Also means he gets to see all your reactions, every tear that may spill from your eyes, if you drool, he'll get to see it all.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Serious, he is dead serious. He won't catch him being goofy or silly, he's above such things.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Scaramouche is a puppet, he doesn't exactly grow body hair, nor does the hair on his head grow. It's all artificial, but if you expressed an interest in body hair then maybe he'd ask dottore about hair implants...

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Intimacy is not something he is willing to give, for now at least, sex is just sex. A way to release his frustrations and feel good after stressful days of working for the Fatui.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He doesn't really masturbate, why would he when he can always just drag you over? You're his well behaved slut, and he plans on taking advantage of that.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

One thing about Scaramouche is that he always wants to be above, above everyone, he wants to be a god afterall, and that doesn't change during sex. He will lose it whenever you worship him in any way, when you kneel before him and suck his cock like your life depends on it. He's your god, and you better act like it or else he'll find a way to punish you for sinning against him.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

His office, he likes railing you in his office. He doesn't really like the Fatui and see's it as some big "fuck you" to them, to be fucking your brains out during his work hours, on the desk or the chair they paid for. It's too fun for him.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

When you try act all defiant against him, act like you're not interested in having sex with him anymore. It just drives him to break you down, and he always does. He'll pin you down against the bed and pound you till you're a sobbing mess, begging for his forgiveness and confessing how much you enjoy having sex with him how good it feels when he fills you up.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Do not ever mutter an "I love you" to him during sex, unless you want him to stop mid session that is. He can't handle that level of intimacy yet, he's not sure he even fully understands love.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Giving and receiving, he doesn't care, either way works. When you suck him off he gets to watch you choke and drool all over his cock, gets to see you all messy and desperate. On the other hand he gets to drives you over the edge when he eats you out, he gets to lick and suck at your cunt till you're a sobbing mess. He loves the way you whine and cry when you're getting overstimulated.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Fast and rough all the time, he has no time for sensuality and slowness, he doesn't care for it if it's in an intimate way. He will go slow though if it means torturing you and making you beg, that's an opportunity he cannot skip.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He likes his quickies, but also enjoys spending hours driving you wild, it just depends on his schedule. If he has a busy day then he'll pull you into an alleyway and have his way, or maybe he'll make you suck his cock from under his desk while he's working. If he isn't busy then he'll take his time with it, he likes watching you get desperate when he's taking a long time,

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Scaramouche does not fuck with risky business very much, he refuses to put his reputation at risk after he worked so hard for it. The riskiest he'll get is fucking you in his office, knowing someone might hear as they walk past, but he'll always lock the door. Hearing is all they'll get.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

As a puppet he has an absolute ton of stamina and you really shouldn't test that, he'll easily push you past your limits if you push his buttons too much. He wouldn't mind fucking you till you pass out, and he easily could.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He didn't own toys originally, but he ended up buying a few after coming upon you. A few vibrators he'll use on you while he fucks you, maybe a dildo he'll use to fuck your ass. He'll never let you use anything on him though, even if he knows it'll make him feel good. He won't let you have any control over him.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

If you look in the dictionary his name would written underneath unfair because he will tease you all he can, he loves how you react when he teases you. When he calls you a slut and you whine, or when he slows down and watches you get frustrated.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He's not very loud, but he's not silent. He'll groan and moan quietly, but he'll do his best to keep it quiet since he doesn't want to embarrass himself.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Scaramouche would, without a doubt, using his electro abilities during sex. Pushing his fingers your clit and sending small zaps of electro against it just to see you gasp and whine at the sensation, maybe he'll zap your nipples too just to see you jump slightly.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Blessed by the gods (aka given by dottore) about 7 inches long and good girth. He's hairless by default as mentioned earlier, but will talk to The Doctor about it if you like hair.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

His sex drive is a high, it's a rare time in his life where he gets to feel pleasure so he finds himself constantly wanting to go back and have his way with you whenever he can. It's too good to not do.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He doesn't sleep afterwards, he won't be caught asleep by anyone since it's such a vulnerable position. He'll leave you to sleep in his bed and go do whatever he has to do.

[endlessthxxghts]

Joel Nye, The Science Guy

no outbreak!Joel Miller x afab!reader || W/C: ≈4.6k

"Is he really choosing coffee right now over having you? I mean, not to toot your own fucking horn, but seriously. Who would delay an orgasm for some coffee? Apparently, Joel fucking Miller would."

Summary: Joel stumbles across an article online about the effects of coffee on the body. Determined to uncover the truth, he tests the hypothesis with you as his subject.

Contents/Warnings: Any physical description of reader is neutral (no size descriptions). Joel is bigger than you though (but he’s fucking huge in general, so…). No age mentioned for reader or for Joel. Implied established relationship. No matter what age, Joel is a grandpa when it comes to technology. Mentions of Amazon LMAO. SMUT 18+ MDNI (mutual masturbation on the phone, touching yourself in the workplace, dirty talk, sexting [kinda], ..kitchen activities…reflections…, finger fucking, lots of liquids, squirting, cumming untouched, drinking coffee with an ulterior motive!, allusion to further sexual endeavors). Please let me know if I missed anything!

A/N: Happy New Year, my loves! I just got done rewatching TLOU for the millionth time while drinking some coffee, and for some reason, this was born. I have no idea wtf this is, so don't ask me.💚 Also let’s thank @javierpena-inatacvest for titling this silly thing for me hehe. Fucking iconic. I love you, bestie.🥹 Here's to my first fic of 2024, and to many more! I hope you enjoy.💚

MASTERLIST

Joel’s number one favorite sensation every morning was when the first drop of the bitter, black liquid met his tongue, consuming all his senses into nothing but pure coffee. It was one of his favorite things—past tense—because then he got to experience what it was like waking up to you every morning, what it was like tasting you every morning. The first drop of you blessed his tongue one year ago, and he never looked back.

That is, until now. 

You had work today and Joel had the day off, a rare occurrence. You forgot to set your alarm this morning, so you broke from his hold in a rush, leaving him nothing but a sweet kiss to last him the day. 

Usually your mornings together are spent tangled in his sheets until he leaves you with less than twenty minutes to get ready for your day. Too addicted to the way he makes you feel, you mastered the art of quick change, using the rest of your time to do your morning skincare routine. This, you’ll never skip—subjecting yourself to a few scoldings by your boss because of it.

Joel allowed himself a few more hours of sleep after you left, his body needing extra rest from his unusually crazy day at the job site yesterday and from the way you pounced on him as soon as he came home. You promised him it would be you doing all the work, but like the addicting little thing you are, he couldn’t help but take charge so he could watch you fall apart over and over and over again. 

Joel pulled himself out of his bed, a chill running down his body from leaving the trapped body heat of the sheets. He was hard, of course, and usually you’re there to help with his morning problem, but apparently today’s full of rare events for Joel. He grumbles to himself as he makes the way to the bathroom, not wanting to take care of himself without you, not anymore. He could wait for you to be home, but he knows he’d be a leaking, grumpy mess all day—God forbid he has to interact with another human in that aroused, frustrated state. He checks the little clock you bought for his bathroom counter when you moved in—so I can watch the time when I get ready for work, you scolded him when he made you late for the first time. 

11:48 the clock displays; twelve more minutes until your break. He can wait twelve minutes. You usually close your office during your lunch, don’t you? Maybe he can call you. He might as well do his own morning routine while he waits. Joel’s old morning routines consisted of brushing his teeth, then washing his face with soap and water. Though, upon witnessing his wretched routine the first morning you two spent together, you were utterly appalled at his actions, forcing him to the store and spending the first half of your morning educating him on proper skincare. His morning routine went from four minutes to fifteen with your influence, but because he didn’t want to be a minute late in calling you, he shaved three minutes off from his task. 

As soon as the clock hit twelve, Joel plopped himself in bed, leaning against the headboard, and reached for his phone, immediately dialing you. 

Two rings later, and your sweet voice fills his ears. “Hi, baby,” you say. He can hear the small smile on your face. 

“Hi, darlin’,” Joel rasps, his voice still groggy from the lack of use. 

“You just wake up?” You jokingly scold, knowing damn well what the answer was. You like when he sleeps in. He deserves the rest from all that hard work he does. 

“Maybe,” he tells you. You can hear the smirk on his face now. “How’s work goin’? On your break now?”

“Work is… definitely going,” you huff. “And yeah, I’m on my break now, which means I’ve got an hour to counterproductively stress about these reports that have to go out.”

“I’m sorry, honey,” he tells you softly. But then he’s smirking again. “Can I help?”

“Help?” you repeat.

“Yeah,” he states like it’s the most regular answer ever. “Lemme help de-stress ya,” he adds, his voice dropping an octave. 

A heat consumes your face, but you remain calm. “Yeah?” You breathe. “And how would you help me, cowboy?” You ask him as you swiftly stand from your desk to lock your office door and close your blinds. 

“I reckon you just locked that door of yours, huh?” He asks rhetorically, knowing you better than you know yourself. Not even your past lovers would be able to pick up on the slightest of changes in your voice when you’re aroused. Joel picks up on it instantly. 

“Maybe,” you repeat his sentiment from earlier. 

“If I’m remembering correctly,” Joel says as he rubs his hand over his tenting bulge in an attempt to ease his ache. “You’ve got a couch in there, baby?”

“Yeah,” you whisper.

“Well, you know what to do next, babygirl.” 

Glancing at your door to make sure it’s really locked, you make your way to your couch, unbuttoning your jeans in the process and shucking them down as your ass meets the cushion. Fuck, you’re already soaked. 

“Where are you?” You ask him, your fingers ghosting your core over the wet patch on your panties.

As soon as the words leave your mouth, your phone buzzes. Joel sent you a text. An image. Clicking it, a breathy little whimper escapes you. “Fuck.” He’s leaning against the headboard, legs pushed open, his thick thighs on display. He’s just wearing his boxers, and his hand is inside, gripping onto his length. His leaking, angry tip is showing from the top of his boxers. A little circle catches your eye, and- oh. It’s a live photo. You hold down on the image, and you see his hips jerk into his hand. “Fuck,” you say again, your pussy twitching in excitement yet frustration that you can’t have him inside you right now. “I need you so fucking bad, Joel,” you whine into the phone as your fingers finally dip inside. 

“I need you, too, baby,” he groans, “I’m fuckin’ dyin’ over here.” He sounds so pained. It riles you up even more. Your fingers speed up at his words, breathy moans escaping you. You circle your clit a few more times before reaching lower and dipping your middle and index finger inside of you. Joel hears the faintest sound of a squelch, and the grip on his cock tightens. He pulls his boxers completely down over his thighs, his cock completely free, and he tugs at a slow, teasing pace in an effort to build himself up the way you normally do for him. “Let me hear you, baby, let me hear you touch yourself for me.”

Lord, you hope your room is sound proofed enough because without any hesitation, you’re putting him on speaker and setting your phone down near your cunt, pumping in and out of yourself faster and deeper for him to hear. “J-Joel, f-fuck,” you stutter, “I- I’m-”

“You’re close, baby, I know,” he says soothingly. You can hear the slick sound of his hand speed up. Your other hand falls to your clit as your fingers continue inside. “Let go for me, mi amor, soak those fingers as if it were my cock fuckin’ you,” he rambles. “Just like I know you can, baby, atta fuckin’ girl.”

With the help of his filthy mouth, your body seizes up and you’re seeing stars, your eyes falling to the back of your head as you remove your hand from your clit to slap it over your mouth in an attempt to stop the high-pitched, purely pornographic moan of his name from escaping the walls of your not-so private office. You can hear the moment Joel cums, too, a painful groan roars from his throat as you hear the movements slow but get slippier with each pass over. 

You’re on the phone for a few moments more, listening to each other’s breaths, slowly fixing your clothing as you let your heart rate return to normal. 

“Joel,” you finally have enough strength to say. 

“Yeah, darlin’?”

He hears a faint knock on your door. You pull the phone away to lessen your volume on his end. Just a moment, he hears you call out. “Gonna need more of you when I get home.” 

“Yes, ma’am,” Joel replies more than happily.

After your phone call, Joel cleans and dresses himself up and heads to the kitchen. 

Joel can’t help the way your words bounce around his head. Gonna need more of you when I get home.

“And I’m definitely gonna need a fuck ton of you today,” he mutters to the bag of Colombian coffee grounds he pulls out of his kitchen cabinet. He refills the machine with water, inserts a filter, pours two heaping spoonfuls of the ground beans into the compartment, places a mug, and hits start. He goes to put the coffee away, but it’s then he feels how lightweight the bag is starting to feel. 

Genuinely, he begins to panic. He needs to order more, and he needs to do it now. He cannot go a day without his precious coffee. The brand he orders is online only, and usually he would wait for you to help him place the order, but he doesn’t want to risk hitting the cutoff for same day delivery. 

Joel isn’t that old, and he certainly grows with the time period, but when it comes to technology, he’s worse than your 97-year-old grandmother who attempts to group FaceTime both of you every night. Sure, he knows how to send you pictures, but that’s the extent of his ability. Truly. With his coffee in mind, though, he puts on his bravest face and opens Safari. He searches for the website you’re always on. A, he types. M. A. Z. 

There! Amazon. He clicks the website, not knowing the app is already installed on his phone. He sees the smiling logo, and, proud of himself, he smiles back at it. 

The smile is quick to fade, however, because the intricacies of working the website is giving him heart palpitations. He sets his phone down and reaches for his reading glasses in his pocket and slides them on. He picks up his phone again. 

The thing about using Amazon on a phone through a search engine, though, is that the website is constantly glitching. So when he types in the word coffee, he has zero idea how he ended up on a completely different website, his original search lost in the complicated webs of the internet. 

It takes him a moment to realize what he’s reading, but once it registers, it’s way more interesting than his original task. 

Women reporting intensified orgasms after drinking coffee, the headline read. His eyes begin to scan lower. Researchers concluded there was a “correlation between caffeine and sex” after testing its effects on rats.

Oh, yeah, he’s intrigued. 

After reading the article, Joel restarts his original task and ends up ordering a larger amount of coffee than he normally would. In the name of science, he rationalized with himself.

Satisfied with his accomplishments, he grabs his mug and takes the time to enjoy his cup of pure caffeine. He needs the energy after all.

You get off promptly at 4pm, not wanting to spend any more time in your office—especially with the way you’ve been buzzing with need ever since your noon phone call. As soon as you park, you see an Amazon delivery person dropping off a box. They don’t ring the doorbell, and you know Joel doesn’t pay attention to the delivery notifications.

You get out of your car, leaving your things to get later. You reach the front porch and unlock and open the door first, bending down and picking up the box second. 

Joel greets you at the door, immediately cursing himself for not paying attention to the door, resulting in you doing the heavy lifting. He knows you’re more than capable—Hell, you could probably handle his job better than he can—but his Southern upbringing is too deeply rooted into him to allow anything less. 

“Hi, my love, I’m sorry, I coulda brought that in, baby,” he tells you as he takes the box from your grasp, giving you a forehead kiss as a trade off. The warmth of his lips physically relaxes you. 

You two walk towards the kitchen, Joel sets the box down on the counter. “I just parked as they dropped it off, honey, it was no biggie,” you reply softly. 

“I know, baby, but you know I-” he starts. You don’t let him finish as you grab him by his biceps and pull him into you, your arms finding their home wrapped around his neck as his grip completely wrapping your waist. Your lips slot together in a slow, needy embrace—your tongues slowly breaching each other’s mouths. You swallow the groans escaping his throat as you pull away from him. 

“I know,” you say breathily, eyes as dark as his morning coffee. “Won’t do it again, promise,” you smile, knowing this is the only false promise you’ll ever make. At the rate of how hard you work him in other things, carrying a few heavy boxes is the least you could do every now and then. “Now, please undress me, baby,” you whimper, your hand skating down the front of his body, your deft fingers sliding into his waistband. 

With one arm around your waist, another claws at your top, untucking it from your jeans to lift it over your head as he kisses and nips all over your jaw and neck. He turns your body so that your ass meets the counter, pushing his hips into yours, silently telling you to jump up. 

Too eager, you don’t realize the trajectory of your jump, and your ass smacks the package, causing it to almost slip off the edge. The impact to your rear surprises you enough to pull away from Joel and look back. Apparently, your brain is already turned to mush because you completely forgot about that box’s existence. 

However, now that you’re looking at it, you’re confused. You haven’t ordered anything recently. Did Joel order something? But he doesn’t even know how- 

“You okay, darlin’?” Joel asks, pausing all his movements. 

“Did you order something?” You ask.

His cheeks go red. “Yeah.. we were runnin’ out of my coffee ‘n I didn’t want to not have any for tomorrow or for later ‘n I wasn’t sure what time you’d be home to help me-” 

The bubbly sounds of your giggles are what cut him off. “What?” He asks, slightly defensive and slightly giddy at the sweetness blessing his ears. 

“You ordered something!” You exclaim. “You ordered something! And you were successful with it!” You’re gasping for air, speaking your excitement into his chest as you wrap yourself around him. 

“Don’t make fun a’me,” he pouts, grabbing your chin with his thumb and forefinger, giving your face a little scolding shake. 

“Oh, baby, no,” you coo, your laughter calming down because of the pain in your cheeks from smiling so wide. “I’m not making fun. I’m so proud!” your voice raises back up, as if you were talking to a baby who hit their first big milestone. 

He rolls his eyes. “Baby, don’t be like that,” you say as you lean in to give him a soft kiss. He gives in, of course, and he deepens it. “I really am proud,” you say as you attempt to pull away. 

He doesn’t let you. “Yeah, yeah,” he says sardonically in between kisses. 

Your hand drags up and grabs at his jaw, pulling him away so you can speak. “Now you don’t have to ask me to order things for you anymore,” you say with a smirk.

“Mmm, I don’t think so,” he breathes, trying to push against your hold on him. “Worst experience ever, I even-” 

He cuts himself off because he was so caught up in you when you got home, he forgot about the little detour his internet experience took him on today. 

Women reporting intensified orgasms after drinking coffee. 

“Actually,” he redirects. “Can we have some now?”

Your eyes pop out of your head in astonishment. “Right now?” you ask in disbelief. 

He gulps. “Y-yeah, right now. That okay?”

You don’t see why not besides the fact that his erection has been perched right against the soaked fabric of your panties for the last fifteen minutes and you’ll probably go mad if you don’t actually get relief in the next five minutes—but yeah, sure. Why not?

“I guess?” You say. Or ask? You really don’t know anymore. 

Is he really choosing coffee right now over having you? I mean, not to toot your own fucking horn, but seriously. Who would delay an orgasm for some coffee? Apparently, Joel fucking Miller would.

You’re not really a coffee person. Sure, you have a cup here and there—mostly iced and from your favorite local shop on your way to work—but compared to Joel, you are nowhere near the level he is. 

“How do you want it?” He asks, his back turned to you as he prepares two mugs. 

“Rough,” you mutter, slightly annoyed. You can feel the slick in your underwear start to get cold—and dry. 

Joel briefly turns around catching your eye; he points to his ear. “Say that again, sweetheart?” 

Fuck. Okay, maybe you’re being a little too bitchy. You rise from your seat at the counter, perching yourself right beside him, reaching your hand into his curls to give him a little head scratch. “I’ll do it, baby,” you say. “Thank you.” With your hand still at the back of his head, you guide him to look at you as you stand on your tippy toes to give him a soft kiss.

The coffee, honestly, wasn’t that bad. Yeah, you put your usual creamer and sugar, but you put slightly less—curious to get a glimpse of the natural flavor Joel loves so much. You could get used to it like this, you think. One thing is for sure, though: the brand Joel buys is fucking strong. You’re on your last sip, and you are struggling—you can feel your heart pumping out of your chest, and you swear you feel like your entire body is pulsing. Like you can hear your blood coursing through your veins. You don’t tell Joel because you don’t want to sound weird, so you shrug the feeling away and take your last sip. Perfectly in sync with you, Joel finishes off his coffee and reaches for your mug to also bring to the sink. 

Quickly letting the faucet run into the mugs so the coffee doesn’t stain, Joel speaks up. “How was it, darlin’? I know you don’t really enjoy coffee the way I do,” he notes. 

“Actually, baby, I really enjoyed it,” you say with a genuine smile. 

“Yeah?” He asks, a boyish grin sneaking past his lips.

“Yeah,” you reassure. “It was really strong, though,” you add. 

“Strong?” he asks, eyebrow quirked. 

“Yeah, um-” you start, unsure of how to describe it. “I don’t know, I just- I’ve never had coffee make my entire body feel like- like it’s buzzing or something. I don’t know,” you ramble. 

“Huh,” he says to no one in particular. “I mean, it is one of the stronger roasts,” he tells you. Is this because you were already severely worked up beforehand? It can’t be the placebo effect—he didn’t even tell you about his discoveries. 

Guess there’s only one way to go from here. 

Not giving you a chance to respond, his hands find your waist, pulling your back flush to his chest. He kisses your jaw, trailing his lips down the juncture of your neck and shoulder. Your head falls back onto him, your eyes fluttering shut as you give him full access. His fingers skate across the front of your jeans, your shirt already untucked from his earlier attempt. Your hips buck into his hands in response, a whiny little please leaves your mouth. 

“Shh, I got ya, sweet girl,” he rasps in your ear, his drawl licking a heat up your spine. He adjusts himself so he’s the one leaning against the kitchen counter, your body entirely relying on his support to keep you standing. 

He’s unbuttoning your jeans and right away you’re reaching for the zipper, helping him pull your bottoms down in one go. 

You’re shaking in his grasp, too pent up with a need your body doesn’t know what to do with. “Relax, baby, I’ma take care a’ya,” he says with a nip to your shoulder, his middle and ring finger already finding their place running through your soaked folds. 

Your eyes shut at the sensation, your breathing erratic and vocal. He drags your slick up to your throbbing bundle of nerves, circling with a precision only he knows how to provide. “F-fuck,” you moan. His other hand slides down to your sex, his two fingers going straight for your entrance and sliding in with ease with how much is pouring from you. “Fuckfuckfuck-”

“Gonna cum on my fingers, babygirl?” He’s pumping in and out of you at a languid pace even with the squirm of your hips. The stimulation on your clit never falters. “I can feel that pretty pussy flutter ‘round me, darlin’, I know she’s close.”

“J-Joel, please,” you let out, your head bobbing back and forth, unable to keep its heavy weight up.

Before he even realizes what he’s doing, he’s using his foot to kick your legs further apart, settling yours on the outside of his, and then both of you are dropping to the ground. His back is to the wall of the kitchen island while you land perfectly spread open atop his lap. Not worried about his or your balance anymore, he fucks into you harder, applying more pressure on your clit—the kind that makes you want to force your legs shut but you can’t, not with the way his own legs are keeping you open. “Open your eyes, sweet girl, need ya to look at yourself when you fuckin’ soak me.”

You open your eyes immediately and cast your eyes downward to his hands on you. “Nuh uh,” Joel tuts. His hand working your clit comes up to your jaw, your slick dampening your jaw as he guides you to look straight forward. Your reflection stares back at you from the dark oven window. Even in the dull image its showing you, you can see the way your pussy is glistening in the fluorescent kitchen light, the sweat dripping down your temples, your fucked-out face with Joel’s dark gaze ravaging every part of you. 

Everything—all of your senses—is completely Joel, Joel, Joel, and before you know it, you’re gushing into his hand; his newfound liquid gold ever since he met you, collecting into the depths of his palm, all while you’re roaring and thrashing out in pure bliss on top of him. 

The sight, sound, the feel, everything—just like you—consumes him whole. His lust takes over now, and his hands aren’t stopping. They continue their pace—their assault—on your sensitive core. He peers down over your shoulder, and his cock grows impossibly harder at the messy, slippery sight before him. “Christ,” he mutters under his breath. “Gimme one more, c’mon,” he breathes in, your scent beginning to linger into his nose, crawling into his skin and finding its home there. “I know you can gimme one more, baby, always such a good fuckin’ girl f’me.”

Your head is nodding furiously as you fight with your eyes to stay open and locked on your reflection. Your babbling, spit thick and coating every inch of your mouth as you try and respond. Mhm and one and more and fuck break free from your mouth, giving all the green light Joel needs to know he isn’t going too far. 

You turn your head to face Joel, your hand flying to the back of his curls and pulling him for a kiss that’s all teeth and tongue—an intermingling of each other’s spit as you swallow the other’s coffee-tinged breaths. 

He feels the flutter in your cunt once more, but this time it’s stronger, tighter. The way you’re clamping down on him sends him into a frenzy, his hips rutting his erection into your lower back at the feel of your warmth wrapped around him. “C’mon, baby, let go, I feel you,” he encourages. 

“Fuck-!” A high-pitched gasp turned whine comes out of your mouth as your entire body goes rigid, your pussy uncontrollably fluttering and spasming as Joel fucks you through your high. All you see is white, your body is engulfed by a tingly feeling that only describing it as TV static could do it justice. Your breathing is deep and shallow all at one, but more notably, you feel wet. Completely and utterly soaked, you can feel liquid pooling at your asscheeks and on the hardwood floor. 

You finally gather the strength to look down—Joel too, and he steals the words right from your mouth. “Holy. Fuck.”

You two stay there for a moment, trying to gather your thoughts on what the fuck just happened, and finally, you speak first. 

“I just-” you start. 

“You did,” he finishes, equally as shocked. Amazed. 

“How are we gonna-”

He rubs your thighs. “Can you stand?” 

You think for a moment. “Yeah, I think so.”

“I’ll get up first. Then I’ll pull you up. Just don’t move, I don’t need ya slippin’ on-”

“Yeah, okay,” you stop him, feeling slightly embarrassed about it all. 

He stands up, avoiding the little puddle below; then he pulls you up, kneeling to pull your underwear on for some sense of emotional comfort. “Hey.” He nudges your face with his hand to look into his eyes. “That was fuckin’ incredible. Ya hear me?” Heat washes over your entire face. You say nothing. “It was so fuckin’ hot and sexy and so so beautiful, I’m fuckin’ lucky to have witnessed somethin’ so heavenly, darlin’.” He pulls you in for a kiss. “Ya hear me?” he repeats his question, softer this time. 

The embarrassment washes away in an instant. “Well,” you look into his eyes, a flash of trouble dancing across your orbs. “Felt fuckin’ incredible, too.”

“Yeah,” Joel says, grabbing and guiding your hand down to his cock. “It did feel mighty incredible,” smugness written all over his face. 

He dips your hand inside his pants, and you're met with his half-hard, sticky length. “Joel, did you-”

“That I did, baby, that I did.” 

A moment passes, and you burst out into laughter for the second time tonight. Only this time, Joel joins in, completely taking advantage of how sweet the comedown always is with you.

“I think I oughta drink more of that coffee,” you say out of the blue, taking Joel completely off guard as he finishes wiping up your… spill. 

“Why?” he asks, trying to maintain a normal tone.

“I swear, Joel,” you whisper as if there’s other people listening in. “I swear that coffee is the reason I finished so… intensely,” you finish, your eyebrows raised in intrigue and curiosity. 

“You really think so?” Joel asks, a victory smile threatening to escape him. 

“Yeah,” you tell him. “I think we should test it out. You’re off tomorrow, yeah?”

“Well, I am now.”

End note: The article Joel stumbled upon is a real article LOL. Here it is, in case any of you were interested. The article is from 2023, so by all means, picture 56 year old Joel. I’m imagining him a bit younger in this lil AU, but there’s no explicit age description, so imagine whatever the hell you want😘. And in case you were wondering: yes, he ends up telling you about his intentions behind wanting to drink coffee first. Let's just say... you both end up getting hyperfixated on trying to "prove" this theory even though you both damn well know what the result is. ;) All my love, I hope you guys enjoyed.💚

Be sure to follow @endlessthxxghtsnotifs to stay up to date with my stories!!

Utilizing my taglist a few more times just to have a slow transition to my updates blog! @katiexpunk @janaispunk @farmerlarrry @mellymbee @jobee403 @soavenuepenguin @rainbowcosmicchaos @untamedheart81 @lilynotdilly @babygal-babygal @pedritoferg @pedrostories @akah565 @getitoutofmymind @axshadows @survivingandenduring @joels-shitty-puns @its-nebuleuse @axshadows @yorksgirl

[gladiatorcunt]

summary: priest!leto x afab!reader x priest!paul (title from scorpio by pour vous)

cw: blasphemy if i’m being so real, spit roasting, reader is lowkey losing it but they’ll be okay, dubcon, pwp-ish (there’s set up but it’s not that long imo), mention of paul being into predator/prey, daddy kink coded without the actual daddy kink, horror elements, unreliable narrator vibes, mention of them being willing to non con reader if things didn’t go their way, no incest between leto & paul 💀, reader’s their sad loser turned attic spouse, mention of eventual impreg, implied soft dom!leto & mean dom!paul, religious practice inaccuracies, possibly predictable plot twists, implied painful anal but reader’s too out of it to feel it, implied natural aphrodisiac in their spit, reader bleeds

wc: 2.5k

block & move on if uncomfortable,

do not translate/repost/give my works to ai

please consider commissioning me or leaving me a tip !!

You’ve been feeling… lost. The trees keep secrets from you and the clouds mix together like egg whites. You wish you knew what kind of pill you need to be on, you wish you knew what was wrong with you. You’re paranoid and seeing blank eyes watching you through the brick and mortar of your apartment. Your skin burns hotter than hell and sometimes you think that there are claws grabbing at your ankles when you sleep.

Church hasn’t been something you’ve bothered to attend since you were a kid, but you yearn for it now.

You pull your tattered coat around yourself as you step into the ancient building. The Church of Caladan is the oldest church in the country, if not the world. You hope you don’t look silly when you take caution with how hard your feet hit the stone. ‘You break it, you buy it’ must apply to old churches too.

Your unease rolls off you in waves, and a couple nearby priests seem to sense it in the same way that horses can sense fear. For a second you imagine bursting into flames, but there are hands groping your flesh through the great hellfire.

They’re about even in height, though one is clearly older. The gray hair weaved into his temples suits him more than it shows his age. The younger man has the same dark and wavy hair, but his gaze is a touch more haggard and rife with burden.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn't have burst in here…. I'm just looking around.” You rush to explain so they would go away, internally cringing at yourself.

“No, we want newcomers to feel comfortable enough to ask questions. I’m Leto,” He says and shakes your hand. “And this is my son, Paul. He’s recently started working here at the church with me.”

Paul steps up to shake your head as well, his mouth doesn’t move but you swear that the corners twitch. The stained glass windows cast a multicolored hue on his eyes and you find yourself lost in the swirling pools of light. Then black holes swallow the brightness in the irises, cosmic cannibalism.

You blink in alarm and awkwardly take a step back from the two priests. Father and son share a look between them that has the hairs on the back of your neck standing them.

Leto clears his throat and pointedly grabs your hands in both of his, encapsulating them in his warmth.

“You’ll have to forgive him, Paul’s never dealt with a lamb as darling as you before. He’s never dealt with one at all actually, you two can go through this together.”

Paul smiles but it fits all wrong, with teeth that should be fangs and with a tongue that appears forked. You blink again and all is well, the man before you fits his human skin like a glove. Maybe you should give them the benefit of the doubt, you’re convinced you’re going crazy anyway and Priests would never be capable of hurting someone. Ghosts aren’t real and Demons are just a crazed mother’s bedtime story.

“Um, okay. Thank you for accepting me.” That’s all you want, deep down, and they know that. “I felt moved to be here, I can’t explain it.”

Leto nods and Paul rubs your shoulder in sympathy. They would hiss that they know full well what called you here, but you might bleat and scurry away. You make a sad picture, abandoned and half insane, but that’s what they are for. To soothe and to serve you, to purify you from the inside out.

“Then all the more reason to stay and sit for a moment, don’t you think?” Paul finally speaks, the boyish tone surprising you.

“Paul’s right, let’s get this jacket off you, poor lamb. You must be freezing to death.” Leto coos, shushing your protests and carefully pulling the cheap thing off of you.

They take you on a little tour of sorts, pointing out the architectural details of the building itself as well as passionately delving into its history. Centuries of worship and service to the community, strangely never having sustained any kind of property damage. The priests speak of the church as if they were wandering through the halls all this time, and they chuckle when they tease you about how relieved they were that you didn’t suffer from a nosebleed. They’re quite common apparently.

“I think that should do it, i’d hate to think that we’ve been talking your ear off, dear.” Leto says, rubbing the inside of your wrist and directing you towards the large piano on the stage at the front of the church.

He must notice the sudden spark in your eyes at the sight, because his crow’s feet wrinkles deepen as he pulls the black piano bench out. Leto’s palm spreads out wide and he gives the leather seat a firm pat, signaling for you to sit down. Butterflies swirl in your stomach with anxiety but you feel too shy to refuse the clearly eager offer. You take a seat in front of an onyx grand piano far grander than you’re used to seeing in a church.

Leto soon occupies the space next to you. The bench is small enough that your thigh is pressing against his, warmth bleeds through your clothes and the indication of muscle really makes you wish you were alone in your room with a rose toy. You place your fingers on the pristinely polished keys and clumsily play some hodgepodge of a melody that you remember from your childhood. A mix of tchaikovsky and children's church songs.

You jump and play the wrong note when you feel thick fingers slide up your thigh. Your cheeks burn with heat but you focus on the music. Leto sighs with sugary sweet satisfaction but doesn’t move his fingers any further. He also doesn’t try to play, it’s almost like he only wants to bask in the domesticity of watching you perform. You think you hear him whisper “That’s it, who knew such a talented lamb would be gracing our doorstep?”

You get a flash of riding him on the piano, gasping into his hair chest when it breaks under the weight of your passion. Thin fingers come from behind to caress your ass as it moves, much colder than the cock you’re bouncing on. Then it fades away, and you’re back to making a fool of yourself with your little song.

Paul watches from the pulpit, eyes drinking in the way your curves expand and move as you squirm. His grip tightens on the bright wood but you’re none the wiser. You almost forget that he’s even there, something which he realizes because he strolls to stand behind you and his father. The music stops once you feel his breath on your neck and he bends down to tenderly pull your hair off of your shoulder, getting himself acquainted with the texture as he rubs his fingertips down the strands.

A distant voice calls out for Leto and he stands, smiling apologetically and thanking you for the performance. You feel adrift as you watch him walk away, reminding yourself that a man like him has other things to do than coddle you.

Paul slides a hand down your back and guides you down to the pew right up front, with a view of center stage, sitting right beside you with a wink. Once Leto returns, you spot the silver tray of communion wafers in his hands. The tray is set on the pulpit by his side.

The older man's eyes darken as he puts one in his mouth, and your brain shuts down when he snatches your face in his rough palms and kisses you sense no less. The wafer cracks as his tongue passes it into your mouth, the salty crumbs oddly making you crave something even saltier. There’s a sticky sweet sensation traveling through your body as you exchange saliva with him, your brain feels so foggy.

You break away, curling your hands into the collar of Leto’s uniform.

“Wait, what are you doing?” Your voice is small and not completely filled with disgust, you’re honestly too desperate for some form of human contact to make good decisions.

“We’re helping you, honey.” Leto purrs into the seam of your mouth, shaking his head in apparent fondness.

You’re too cute for your own good, at least they don’t have to worry about covering their tracks. Any incubus or succubus would be glad to get a hold of someone as lonely as you, but they wouldn’t love you like you deserve. You haven’t been watched by anyone as long as you’ve been watched by them. He hopes that Paul doesn’t shove his foot in his mouth and let it slip that he wished you gave them the opportunity to take you by force. His son carries a torch for a bit of predator and prey action, he likes playing with his food too much. You’re different from the scrambling mice that get torn to bits, though, you’re forever.

Plus, if you don’t get it now, he has no problems with explaining everything when you’re too weak to get up and try to run away.

Paul buries his face in your neck, spilling the vial of wine he had in his pocket down your shirt. It soaks the tank top underneath and though you try with all your might to wriggle away, the desire to resist gets brushed away under a heavy fog.

It’s nice to be touched, to be wanted after a lifetime of feeling the exact opposite. Perhaps this is why the lord guided you to his grandest home, so you could take his prophets into your body.

The black vanishes from Paul’s eyes and you sink against his chest, making out with his father as your eyes roll back into your head.

No words are uttered verbally as Paul shuffles to the side and pulls you to lie back on the pew’s cushion. Leto deprives you of his tongue and gives you a chance to breathe, which both men do with you in sync, resting their foreheads against you.

The nectar on your tongue tastes divine, little lamb, a voice whispers in your mind.

Let us give you purpose so you no longer need to roam, another begs.

You’re crying from the relief of having your mouth filled, Paul tilts your head up by your chin as he slowly slides his cock into your mouth. The ridges and bumps of what feels like piercings sends a jolt of arousal through you.

“Fuck-” He hisses and rubs your neck, watching you adjust to the stretch. “So warm-”

Leto tuts and clamps his hands around your hips, you’re already too fucked out to register sharp black claws taking care of your clothes. Leaving you bare. A shiver passes through your body as he drags his huge hand down to your pussy, being mindful not to accidentally scratch you. He intends for there to be no blood, this time, not a lot.

You gag on Paul’s length when Leto slams your hips against his pelvis, grinding not one but two large cocks against your cunt. If you were looking at his face, you’d see pitch black eyes and intimidating fangs, but all you can focus on is the hazy candle light and what must be someone playing an organ.

You catch a view of one of the stained class windows, a pair of angels cradling a lamb. It’s the only damaged part of the church, with cracks running along the angel’s wings. You’d think it’s a sneeze away from shattering entirely. Your view of it is blurred by Paul’s quick thrusts, gagging on it again. Drools drip onto the red carpet.

Leto grabs one of Paul’s curled horns and yanks his head to the side, scolding at him to be nicer to you. You’ve clearly never taken three cocks inside you, the one you’re servicing is proving to be overwhelming enough. Again, Paul’s new to this experience as well, just in a different way than you are. In a sense, it’s like he was born yesterday. The older man relays this to you through your choked moans and tears, assuring you that he’s taught Paul how to clean up his messes and be grateful. Something like this will be no different.

“Hush, beloved. I would have gladly speared your mouth but you would be dead before I could cum inside it.”

You see God in the sky when Leto slaps the tapered tip of one of his dicks against your slick entrance, God sees you when he gets the tight walls of ass to wrap around the other. Unbeknownst to you, it’s funny how so many things are, your blood pools around his balls. You’re in pain sure but you’ve never felt as much pleasure as you have in this instance. Both “Priests” smell your blood and well, only your body can tell the rest of the story. Later you’ll wake up to find that the building around you has ruby walls and it seems to be breathing. The shooting pain in your left hand is the result of two iron rings being chiseled into the bone of your ring finger.

The four leathery wings protruding from your back, with spikes poking out from the joints, are waiting to be discovered. As are the nubs sprouting out of your hair.

For now beads of sweat highlight your bouncing tits, Paul gropes one and Leto runs the edge of his claw along the side of the other. They’re hissing words that string together and disappear in the blink of an eye, voices slurred and sticky. Their babbling stops and starts again as you reflexively swallow around Paul’s cock when he skull fucks you without warning. They laugh too, but you can at least pretend that Leto’s tone is kinder.

“Alright, alright. That’s enough teasing.”

“But father-“

“I said no. And don’t think for a second that you’re getting anything else but their mouth.”

“Why the fuck not?”

“You lack self control, it wouldn’t be suitable for conception to occur like this. As delectable as their quivering cunt is, demons shouldn’t abstain from courting.”

“You’re saying that as you’re balls deep inside of them.”

“Don’t start with me, Paul.”

All while you’re making gurgling sounds in between the younger priest’s thighs. You hear growls that sound like a mountain lion’s emitting from both men, and the heavy thumps of something flapping in the air gets you holes clenching around Leto. Both men feverishly scratch up and down your limp body, but you’re so enraptured by the chorus of angels happening outside. You have no sense of time, it’s minutes or it’s hours before their cum spills inside of you. There’s too much to possibly keep it all inside, a good amount of it leaks from your cunt and your throat. Leto feels like Christ incarnate when you squirt all over him and yourself with the dumbest expression on your face. Multicolored pieces of glass fall down around you with the loud chime of an invisible bell.

[foldingfittedsheets]

One of my earlier jobs in life was at a little pizza place. I worked there when it was first starting up. It’s the only job I’ve ever been fired from and it was because a new manager came in and cleaned house. Because my state requires a reason to be fired he said I used too much pepperoni. So now on job applications I get to write that I was fired for “excessive use of pepperoni.” Never fails to get a laugh.

Anyway! For this story to make sense I’ve first got to set the stage. This pizza place started out as the Wild West of management but one of the original investors was super committed to work programs through the prison. We hired a ton of ex convicts and they were all, to a one, super hyped on Christianity. Like born again for the sole purpose of lauding Christ with their every breath.

I hadn’t been working there long but I’d definitely noticed the Jesus bug had gone around, and as I’ve never been religious at all I tried to steer clear of the topic for my own safety.

The day our story takes place, I was folding boxes. Anyone whose ever worked pizza can attest, there’s so much box folding. It’s something that happens at every lull, the pizza machine demands box folding on a grand and epic scale.

On my right folding his stack of boxes was a guy wider than he was tall, made of pure muscle, Corey. He was newer on staff, and due to a stutter he didn’t talk much. All I knew about him was that he got hired through the rehabilitation program and had done time.

On my left folding was a tall middle-aged woman who loved to yell at me, Cindy. She and I rubbed each other the wrong way and had nothing in common, leading to a tense working relationship.

We folded boxes in silence. This was really my best case scenario as a quiet Cindy was a Cindy not riding my ass, and Corey intimidated me.

But the weight of the silence grew too much for Cindy, who finally said, “I really want to go to bible school.”

I folded a box. I had less than no idea what bible school even was and I didn’t want to get sucked into a religious topic.

On my right Corey said, “W-why, Cindy?”

“Well, cause I believe what’s in the Bible, but I just don’t know it all.”

He nodded sagely to this.

Cindy continued, “And every time I sit down to read the Bible I get real sleepy. And I know it’s the devil.”

It’s so hard to convey her tone in written format. It was delivered with the emphasis and exasperation of an inevitable inconvenience. Like, I just know it’s the squirrels eating the bird seed.

I froze in place at this pronouncement. My only exposure to Lucifer was Neil Gaiman’s Sandman comics and I was trying to mentally twist into a frame of mind where The Morningstar cared enough about this one middle aged lady expanding her knowledge of the Bible that he followed her around cursing her with sleepiness when she picked it up.

I think I expected Corey to say, “Well that’s silly,” or something to acknowledge what a bizarre thing Cindy had just said.

Instead he said, “Yeah!” In a tone of complete agreement.

I didn’t look up. I tried to keep my face neutral at this development.

But something must have shown. Corey said, “You don’t believe in God?”

I shrugged casually and said, “If I did I wouldn’t talk about it at work.”

“C-cause it’s t-true. If y-you t-ry to r-read the B-bible on unsanctif-fied gr-round the d-devil m-makes you s-sleepy!”

I made a noncommittal sound and fled into the back room.

Over the next week it drove me crazy though. The logic of it wouldn’t leave me alone so finally one day when it was just Corey and I in front, and the restaurant was empty, I said, “Hey man, I have a question.”

He shrugged and listened.

“I really don’t mean this with any disrespect, I just genuinely want to know about the logistics-“

“J-ust ask.”

“Okay, so if Cindy gets tired when she reads any book, is it only the devil making her tired when it’s the Bible?”

His face went purple with fury and he yelled, “F-fuck you!” at my retreating back as I fled once more into the back room.

It will forever remain a mystery.

[hughiecampbelle]

The Boys Preference: Watching Reality TV

Requested: a request for the boys preferences, how would they react with f!reader live watching reality tv shows like Kardashian’s etc, would they love it - anon

A/N: Hope you like it my love! This was really fun to imagine :D My old roommate loved reality TV and I swear I heard so much about it it feels like I've watched it for myself lol. Feedback is always appreciated 💜💜💜

Butcher says what you watch is ridiculous, but, much like a dad who says this, he'll stand behind you and watch entire episodes. Only after it's ended does he throw a fit, claiming that was the dumbest thing he's ever seen and it's rotting your brain. When you talk about it with the rest of your friends, the latest episode or drama, Butcher is full of strong opinions and will tell you to your face this person is a c-nt and that person deserves better. You don't make a big deal out of this, though you share knowing looks with everyone else. He's not very good at hiding his interest in reality TV, but you also don't want to scare him away. You like watching it with him, you like his opinions. It's not often he shows interest in something outside of work. If this can offer a thirty-minute distraction, you're more than willing to share.

Hughie doesn't personally love it, but he would never tell you to stop watching it. He asks you questions about the people and the latest episodes. He never forgets who is who and forms his own opinions about the shows having never watched them. He likes that he can show interest in something you love. The least he can do is listen to you talk about it. When you and someone else are debating the drama and unpacking the story, he definitely shares his own ideas. He listens so carefully it's as if he actually watched it with you. If he catches you watching it, he'll sit beside you and put faces to names. He finds it incredible that his idea of these people was so wrong, yet so right. He really has nothing against reality TV and if it makes you happy, that's what matters. He uses it to bond with you more than anything else.

Annie has pretty neutral feelings about reality TV. She might watch half an episode with you, but it's just never been her thing. She's not going to pull a Butcher and make fun of you for liking it, but she's not going to go out of her way to ask you about your thoughts on the newest episode/season. It's just one of those things that aren't for her. Still, she can't deny how happy it makes you and she's glad you have some sort of distraction from all the craziness of your jobs. She makes sure not to interrupt your TV time and will pass you notes instead of distracting you, hoping it's less disruptive. When you and M.M. sit together and bond over your love for it, it can't help but make her smile. You two need this. A break from the drama and life and death for more silly drama about relationships and brands and family.

M.M. loves reality TV. He tries to never miss an episode. When he does, he's horrendous about spoilers. He will yell across the room for you not to spoil anything when you're telling Hughie about the latest drama. He acts like a child, placing his hands over his ears. You two sit together all night and binge the newest seasons. Sometimes, when it's been a while, you'll re-watch the last seasons so that when the new episodes start, you'll know what's going on. He always shares whatever snacks he's gathered and is a stickler about talking while the show is playing. If you can, he'll pause it so that you can unpack the drama. If not, you'll have to wait for commercials. Since he was placed in charge of The Boys, he's had less time to indulge in this vice. He's more lenient about spoilers which you find sad, but you do your best to give a good break down of the show.

Frenchie watches it with you, but he's pretty vocal about his distaste for their actions. If someone crosses someone or cheats on someone or gets in a fight, he's the first to be standing, yelling at the TV, throwing snacks at the screen. It always makes you laugh and more often than not you have to calm him down before watching the rest of the show. He just gets so worked up. Especially when they're doing stupid stuff that'll get them in more trouble. You've learned quite a few French swears from these tantrums. Sometimes he gets so worked up he has to walk away, watching the rest in his own time so that he doesn't disturb your enjoyment. He has so many opinions and makes it known that certain people are favored over others. He comes to their defense so fast it actually makes you laugh and defends their actions regardless of how petty or downright bad they are.

Kimiko doesn't watch it. She's not too interested in TV, but she can understand the appeal. Between you and Frenchie, she knows basically everything about the people and the plot, asking questions as if she's been watching the whole time. She loves how happy it makes you. Everyone on this team needs a healthy outlet. She noticed that your typical partner in crime (M.M.) hasn't been around to watch it and, not wanting you to feel the absence, Frenchie stepped up. If neither are around, she'll join you, working on something else that grabs her attention, but mostly she just likes the idea of just being with you. Every so often her attention will be grabbed and she'll understand why you like it so much, but overall it's more of an opportunity to just be with you. Be in your company. You don't notice this happening until it's happened a few times. It makes you feel seen by your friends, appreciated by them.

Bonus! Homelander thinks it's absolutely ridiculous. He stands behind you and will take a few minutes to watch (completely out of context) before deciding whatever show you're watching is shallow, and fake, and idiotic. He makes his opinion known of course and actively shows his disgust anytime he catches you watching it. He can't ban it from Vought Tower, though he's thought about it. Homelander doesn't watch very much TV as it is besides the news and a few select channels. Overall he thinks TV in general makes people stupid and reality TV is at the top of the list. He doesn't care how much you like it or the lore behind the stories, all he sees are six pack abs, and lip filler, and people doing dumb things to get famous. If you're talking about it with Firecracker or The Deep you know the conversation ends in Homelanders presence.

[igotanidea]

The phone number: Dick Grayson x reader

She was walking through the mall, running errands, crossing off the things on the to-buy list, eventually ending up carrying like ten bags.

A little too much for a girl.

Fighting with the bag strap, painfully digging into her shoulder, Y/N tried to find her phone, aiming to call her sister to pick her up, cause the chances of getting home in one piece were decreasing by a minute.

And then, to her terror she realised that the device was nowhere to be found.

Stopping in the middle of the mall passageway, the poor girl started digging into her bags and bundles, noting the slight shaking of hands she couldn't quite control.

Just not that.

She couldn't have lost her phone. There was so much information there. And she was having it in her hand just a second ago, checking time.

Right. She was checking time.

So there was no way she left it somewhere while shopping.

Yes. Obviously, She was so silly. All she had to do was take a deep breath, calm down and search methodically, and not fight the luggage in the middle of the way like a crazy squirrel with her hair all over the face

"Hey, you gonna move or something? You're blocking the passage..." male voice came from behind her, painfully pointing out that she was being a road hog.

"Oh! Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry, I just-" she spun around only to see a tall, lithe and very handsome man. The force of her movement mixed with the heavy weight on her shoulders made her lose balance and for a moment she was on a highway to meet with the floor.

However, before she could paint the tiles with her blood, the man caught her arm, getting half of her stuff into his own hands (literally! and the way those forearms muscles flexed almost made her fall again). Having ensured she wasn't dizzy or anything like that anymore he carefully guided her to the nearest sitting spot.

"You look distressed."

"Oh, do I?" she fixed her hair, now fully in panic mode due to the allegedly lost phone.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"I lost my phone..." she finally muttered and then it dawned on her. "Oh, um, hey- I really don;t want you to take it wrong way or make it sound weird but maybe you could - um-" she stuttered a little, cause the request she was going to make to this model-like man could easily backfire on her. "Could you maybe call me?"

"Call you?" he grinned and she mentally prepared herself for the worst reaction "you didn't even get my name and you're already offering your number?"

There it was. She was right. A mistake asking a guy like him something like that.

"You know what just forget it-"

"Oh, sweetheart, don;t go shy on me now. I'll be more than happy to call you. Only to help you find the phone, obviously." he smirked with a light chuckle, showing all his shiny teeth.

"Obviously." she nodded, rolling her eyes a little, dictating the set of numbers to him.

And as the phone was luckily found at the bottom of her bag, she hastily mumbled words of acknowledgement and fled the place before he could even attempt another mockery.

Leaving Dick Grayson astonished and a little amused, shaking heads while watching that girl run away from him.

***

She forgot the whole incident almost immediately. Well, maybe not all of it, cause those blue eyes seemed to mentally follow her everywhere for the next few days.

And when she finally managed to get past them, her phone chimed with a message from a number that was not in her contact list.

"Hey sunshine. Not to complain, but I think you at least owe me coffee for my help."

Y/N frowned, taking a longer moment to figure out what this was about. Was it SPAM? Phishing? An erotic offer from a portal that gathered her data from god knows where?

"Who is this?" she responded.

"Oh, you are hurting me. It's Dick. From the mall? The one who helped you with the phone hunt?"

Oh. It was him.

"So, now that you got my name, what do you say about that coffee? My treat." the notification of a text interrupted her train of thoughts.

A little drink couldn't do much harm to her, right?

"Okay." Y/N texted, waiting for his proposition, smiling to herself without even noticing it.