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[nanaminokanojo]

Honey, Oh Sugar, Sugar

JJK men as your sugar daddies and what happens when you tell them you're breaking​ things off cause you've secretly fallen for them and "breached" the contract. Or me just being hung up on the whole concept of sugar daddies cause I don’t wanna work anymore and I need Nanami in my life.

Characters: Nanami, Toji, Gojo x you/afab reader TW/CW: angst | smut/implied smut | sorta dubcon | age gaps | aged up characters | kind fluffy | mentions of alcohol/drugs | some mafia stuff | mdni Word Count: 8.1k

MASTERLIST

NANAMI

'I can't see you right now.'

Those words glared at you, sharp black slashes that marred the white backdrop of your screen. They may not carry much weight without context, but they broke you a thousand times weighed on you like the sky had fallen over, crushing you as you heard the voice behind the words, making you regret every other choice you've made so far.

They blurred out as tears started to flood your eyes, falling on the device in your hand, but the pain they caused didn't fade in the least. If anything, you felt exponentially worse, enough to make you wish for death. It was more for the fact that you knew it was your fault, a result of your weakness and lack of prudence, your over-estimation of yourself and biting off more than you can chew. 

Still, how were you to know back then? How the fuck were you supposed to know that things would end up making you feel as miserable as you did? How the fuck could you have been able to tell that you'd be wishing to tear yourself away from the only thing that seemed to make your life make sense? 

If you were told that gods existed and walked in Prussian blue button-downs and khaki shorts as they surveyed their domain from the balcony of their private beach houses, you wouldn't have believed it. But Nanami Kento came into your life in that same exact form, a stoic, tall blonde, ten years your senior, successful in all his endeavors but always too busy for anything. 

Nanami Kento was your best friend's neighbor – at least at their beach-front rest house. It was funny how he was supposed to be this well-known yet aloof individual in the community. And yet, the moment you were introduced to him, he purposefully made a way to be around you where you fell into easy conversation with him. Your friend told you their neighbor hardly ever stayed at his summer retreat for longer than two days, popping out one day only to be replaced by the caretakers who would then tell them that "Nanami-san had an emergency business trip." On top of that, he never really showed up when your friend's parents would invite him for whatever, consistently declining politely, but because of you, he finally honored one of their invitations. 

However, it made you wonder what he found so interesting in a university student like you when his life was so much more exciting, being the founder of his own company. He was a bachelor at thirty two, and he's got everything figured out while you were in the final year of your higher education, and you still didn't know what to do with your life. 

The reason became evident when you met him again after insisting that you should before you parted that evening at the beach, even leaving you his calling card. 

How your conversation went from how his work was going and how your studies were to his proposition for you to be basically his sugar baby was something you couldn't fathom at that time. He just went on about coming clean and expressing his real intentions, then later asked you to think about it before dishing out a conversation about how the two of you should meet again to draft the parameters of your arrangement. Nanami later apologized, smiling apologetically for startling you – the biggest understatement of the century – adding that he wasn't one to beat around the bush. 

"I hope I didn't scare you away," he said when dropping you off to campus.

A week later, you signed a contract with him, and then he kissed you, taking your breath away instead of shaking your hand to seal your pact. Everything went smoothly. It seemed a good idea back then. Boy you wished there was a time when you could have been more mistaken in your life. 

You let out a mirthless laugh as you realized you were at the end of the rope regarding Nanami. You cannot handle it anymore when, for the past half year, you've been putting off talking to him about the state of matters from your end. You know you're breaching your agreement, which is a testament to the reality of your liaisons. You failed at keeping it emotionless, evidently, and every single time you think about coming clean and facing rejection, you felt like cowering in fear. 

You already know how binding those agreements were. Nanami had been clear about what he wanted, and you also agreed because you thought you wanted precisely that – an arrangement without commitment, one you can easily get out of without issues. He would not want you if he knew the truth, and although it took far too much strength and courage to accept it, you managed. But now that you have finally decided to speak to him, he tells you he can't be there. Then again, you didn't even have the right to demand his time. 

It came in a cocktail of emotions when you realized you didn't want his money or anything else he had to offer. You only wanted one thing: his heart. Too bad it was off the table. It's not something he offered to ever be in your contract. 

You hated yourself for being weak, for opening up when you should have remained frozen even towards him. But you couldn't help it when your heart started confusing his caring side for actual feelings over his usual acts of reminding you that he was still the older one between you and actually had the responsibility to take care of you whether you've got an arrangement or not.

You sure as hell didn't regret the perks that came with it – trips to any place you could name, things you get with just one word, and the amazing love-making that came with it. Nanami was a great lover. It never just felt like sex in a transactional manner. It always showed how much of a sensitive soul he is, how much he cared for you. But it's not exactly in the way you wanted it.

"I like you, and I enjoy your company, but being me, this is all I can offer at the moment."

Those were his words, and though it's not explicitly written in the contract, you knew it was over when you started perceiving him as the center of your universe. That was no good, and maybe he knew, considering how he had been "too preoccupied" when you said you wanted to talk. Suddenly, he didn't have time for you, but you wanted to tell him of your decision to end matters in person. He deserved that, at least. Nanami was just too good, and you didn't want him to do the guesswork.

That same night, you walked out of the luxury flat he rented for you, packing a bottle of wine, which you ended up drinking at your best friend's house.

You woke up the next day, still groggy from all the alcohol you drank, to the sound of your best friend speaking angrily to someone in hushed tones. She was telling someone off and threatening them about answering if something ends badly, but then you hear your name.

"Y/N's a really sensitive person underneath regardless of what she says," she tells whoever she is talking to. You don't hear the response to her statement, but there was a long pause, and then you hear the front door open and close with her declaration to give this person their space.

It wasn't long before the guest room door opened, and you found yourself face-to-face with Nanami. You motioned to get up, but he shook his head and sat beside you on the bed.

"Why did you leave?" he asked, straight to the point as always. You didn't expect anything less, but you couldn't look him in the eye as you said, "I can't do this anymore." 

Much to his surprise, you started crying the moment you spoke. It was so atypical of you to show him any kind of weakness, always so independent in your actions and words that he felt useless at times, so he found the need to reach out and hold you.

You flinched. "Please don't."

Nanami sighed, running his fingers through his usually perfect hair. For the first time, you notice how it's not fixed the way it should be and how he has dark rings under his eyes, his cheeks a bit sunken. He looked at you, expressions unfathomable, but you saw how he clenched and unclenched his fists.

"Why not?"

His question angered you, that much he could tell, and it was obvious how you were trying your very best to calm down. You sat up and he felt the need to brace himself for whatever you will say.

"I'm ending this...this..."

"Arrangement," he supplied for you, to which you nodded, the sting of that word evident on your face. "Yes, that."

He nodded in understanding, but he stared you down with a pensive look on his handsome face, and you wanted just to run before you fell even harder. "May I at least know why?"

You bit your lower lip, looking elsewhere but him as your eyes filled with fresh tears. You didn't know how on earth you were going to explain it to him in detail, but as he gave it to you straight and simple, you thought it best to do the same. It would be self-explanatory anyway.

Wringing your fingers, you all but whispered, "Kento, I'm in love with you." When he didn't speak, you started rambling on about how you knew things wouldn't change if you said it and that he's got more important things to deal with over your "childish feelings" but that you can't help it.

"Say that again," he told you.

"What?" You didn't realize he had moved closer, his face merely inches from yours and his other arm caging you on your spot.

"The first thing you said. Say it again." He sounded commanding as he was used to, but then he let his forehead rest on your shoulder, feeling defeated. "Please?" he said, sounding small, unsure.

You wiped the tears off your face, sniffling. You've resigned yourself to the bad outcomes of your actions. "I'm in love with you."

"If that's the case, wouldn't you want to be with me?"

"Because you said you could only offer me this arrangement."

At that, he looked up at you, cupping your face with his hands and staring you straight in the eyes, eyes you couldn't lie to. You were somewhat surprised that he didn't have a single clue as to what had been ailing you as perceptive as he was. Then again, maybe you were just too good at hiding it until you weren't, everything hidden behind the smokescreen of your physical intimacy and the pretty smiles you would offer his way.

"Be honest with me. Did it ever feel like it's just that?" he asked cautiously, groping for words.

This time, you couldn't hold back and began tearing up again, your anger finally rearing itself on the surface. "That's exactly the problem!" You pried his hands off of you and stood up. "I can't figure you out, and I don't want to be confused anymore. We had an agreement, I know that, and I'm sorry, but it hurts too much knowing you can give me anything I ask for but not what I want the most."

He also stood up, invading your space and pulling you towards him. He wasn't about to just lose you, not without a fight. Nanami made you look at him, his arm around your waist tight as he commanded your attention but still gentle and giving you your leeway to run if you wanted. You, on the other hand, didn't need much restraining nor convincing as you found yourself looking into his eyes and wanting nothing but to be close and be able to hold him, own him and all that he is, love him, and love him hard, love him over and over again, surrender your heart and let him have you even if you knew he could never give it back.

But all your notions were dispelled with a few choice words. "You never asked."

"I – what?"

"The thing you want the most that you claimed I can't give you. You never asked for it."

Ah. You chuckled without humor. Of course, it's on you for not asking. "Because I can't! That's not how it works. It's not my place to ask. I've no place of that nature in your life."

"Really now, Y/N?" Nanami looked stung, annoyed even, when typically, he wouldn't even show you a disapproving look at your worst behavior around him.

"It's okay. This is on me." You stepped back from him, resigning yourself to the idea of not seeing him again and saying goodbye. "And I know you're busy, so don't worry about me. I just really wanted to tell you personally, at least. I'll be fine."

"I won't be..."

"Stop it! You said so yourself –"

"I said 'at the moment' back then if I remember it correctly?"

You shrugged. "Kento, you don't have to hyper-analyze what you said back then. Don't stress –"

At that, his expressions changed, and he appeared manic, so different from his calm and composed demeanor. "This is stressing me out."

"I'm sorry."

"I love you."

You shook your head. Pity was the last thing you needed, and hearing those words in such a context, even less so. "No, you don't."

"Yes, I do. You can't just assume things like that. And though I detest confrontations like this, I'm prepared to be in conflict with you for it if it means you stay with me."

You smiled ruefully at him, coming closer to hug him, holding onto whatever you could while you still had time, taking in the way he smelled, the way his hair felt against your palms. "You're really too nice. Don't say things like that even if you feel bad for me. You don't have to."

Nanami sighed again, looking absolutely tired, but had it in him to smile despite your words. "Y/N, I just got the shovel talk with your best friend after I told her I love you – rather graphic, too – and you're telling me you don't have a place in my life? I would not even be here if you didn't matter to me. You, of all people, should know that I don't waste my time on things I don't find worthwhile, but I am here, am I not?"

You felt your heart thundering in your chest as you minced his words, unable to process everything at the moment, but you found yourself overwhelmed with joy that your feelings weren't one-sided. "You are."

"But you're right, so let's end this arrangement."

Swallowing hard, you nodded.

"Let's make this the real thing without agreements and roles. What do you say about that?" He tilted his head to have a closer look at you. 

Everything be damned, but you were taking your chances. "Okay," you whispered.

"I love you. I'm in love with you, too. If it's my heart you want, you can have it. It's yours. All yours, my sweet."

You bit your lower lip, fighting a smile as you glanced at him from under your lashes, not trusting yourself to speak.

Nanami leaned his forehead against yours, closing his eyes as he held you closer. "I love you," he repeated.

"I know."

He chuckled. "Now you know. But that's not what I want to hear, Y/N. I said, I love you."

Instead of a response, you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him close as you stood on your toes to claim his lips with yours, your toes curling as he reciprocated in kind. This one felt different, not like some sort of transaction or a thank you for the things he provides for you. It felt like the real thing...like love.

"Then I love you, too."

TOJI

"She's an associate, Y/N. Stop being such a brat," Toji tells you the moment he arrived at the penthouse where he was housing you a good hour after you stormed out of the party he was hosting. You looked over your shoulder to find his tall, broad form leaning against the doorpost, arms crossed and...smirking.

"Or are you doing this on purpose 'cause you want daddy to punish you, hmm?"

You scoffed as you angrily wiped your tears, entering the walk-in wardrobe and slamming the door shut. You just wanted to be away from him, be able to think without him influencing your thoughts. If Fushiguro Toji was a drug, he'd most certainly be heroin – absolutely addictive with slim chances to none in terms of recovery, but you still wanted more, more, and some more. And you fell right into that trap, very much aware of it all.

You were a budding freelance journalist who got into a tangle with his organization after a wrong lead. He had been nice to you on the get-go, the understanding and very accommodating kumicho letting Miss Nosey off the hook. You kept running into him after that until one drunken evening at one of his clubs, where he had to rescue you from a guy who couldn't take no for an answer.

He drove you home, and instead of getting out of his car, the two of you got talking, and he started showing you pictures of his adorable son. And after fucking you senseless in that same car, he offered you an arrangement you thought you couldn't refuse at that time.

Slowly, you found yourself weaving into Toji's complicated life and seeing beyond just the ruthless gang leader who showered you with everything and anything he could give. The sky is the limit where Toji was concerned, and he was outrageous about the presents he would give you. But that always came with a catch. He took as much as he gave, probably more, and he was possessive of you. It wasn't healthy how he could do whatever the fuck he wanted while your rewards came with limitations attached to them.

Still, you stayed and got lost in the maze that was the workings of his mind and his personal life, which was just about his little boy. You instantly fell in love with Megumi and, in the process, with Toji himself. You know that now without a doubt, and it scared the living daylights out of you.

That realization came gradually. At first, you chalked it up to just a physical response, inducing chemicals in your head that gave you the illusion and delusion of emotional affection. What's love got to do with it, right? At first, it was little things like wanting to see him at the most random times of the day, missing him, and such. Then it escalated into incremental degrees of possessiveness, which you thought was fair given his inclination to call you his, be that in words while he's balls-deep in you or the way he would suddenly hold onto you with those large hands in the presence of others.

And quite frankly, you seemed to have picked up on that habit the wrong way, learning to reciprocate in the same way. It was messy business at best, but then again, it started just as messy.

The thought and reality of it hadn't felt as real as it did when you saw another woman clutching just as possessively at his arm. It seemed innocent, but seeing those blood-red nails brushing on his muscled arms as if their owner had any right to do it or had probably staked their claim made your blood boil, and your heart break. All the while, in your head, you were repetitively saying, "He's mine. I had him first."

You're in love with him, and that's a fact. Because why else would you be having such intense emotional outbursts over the fact that he was dangling another woman in his arms? It's a fact you didn't want to face anyway. He's supposed to be your sugar daddy, nothing else. It came with its perks, but you're human, and Toji is irresistible in more ways than one and never limited to just how he satisfies you physically. You loved him, his son and everything that he is included.

And you thought it had to stop. He didn't see you that way.

You emerged from the wardrobe, pulling a suitcase behind you, and suddenly, tension filled the air as Toji straightened to his full height, sapphire eyes shifting between you and the luggage. 

"What are you doing?" he asked. Gone was his playful mood from earlier, replaced by something darker. He wasn't expressive, almost always looking bored out of his wits, and his facial muscles only rearranging in minute details to convey change, but it was enough to tell you to be on guard.

You walked towards him, mustering all your courage as you said, "I think we should end this."

"Because you're jealous?" He arched a brow at you. "I already told you –"

You shook your head, reaching up to touch his cheek, smiling as you traced downward before running your thumb against the scar at the side of his lips. While it made him look like a hooligan, you always thought it was a part of his charm. "That's hardly the issue here. As cliché as it is, it's not you; it's me. Thank you for everything, Toji. Give my love to Megumi."

At that, he chuckled. "And you expect me to just sit back with that sorry excuse? What do you take me for?"

Your eyes flashed in anger at the way he was undermining the circumstances. "Toji, I'm serious. It may be a sorry excuse for you, but it's not the same for me."

He stepped closer, looming over you. "So, speak up. Do I look like I'm playing here, sweetheart?"

"I...I can't..."

"What now?" He smirked, but you saw hurt cross his features, making you hesitate. It was too late when you realized you were stuck between a hard place and Toji, literally and figuratively. Your back hit the wall, and a second after, he slammed a palm just beside your head, staring you down. "I'm just a lowlife so I don't even deserve any proper explanation, is that it?"

"What? No! That's the last thing on my mind!" you retorted.

"So what? You're done writing your little reveal-all piece on me, so you're cutting me loose?"

How dare he, you thought. You were faithful to your agreement with him, and not once did you ever think of betraying him like that. Again, you were overwhelmed by the intensity of how you felt for him. You shook your head, trying to hold it in when your feelings were close to slipping out of your lips from the tip of your tongue. You didn't like the way he was looking at you as if you murdered his son and only family, but why were you making him angrier?

"If that's what you want to think, then fine."

"So fucking tell me, woman!"

"You should know by now that your intimidation tactic doesn't work on me," you told him dryly.

"You really are my woman," he says proudly, almost love-struck, but you weren't about to buy it.

"Let me go."

"And if I don't?"

"You wouldn't like what I will do, Toji."

"Oh, is that so?" Toji wasn't a patient man, but he always took his time with you, and that trait of his was proven to you for the first time when, in the next moment, you found yourself upside down after he hauled you onto his shoulder and easily carried you to the bed.

Before you knew it, you were on the mattress, but upon realizing what he was about to do, you started beating him on the chest with your fists, tears spilling out of your eyes. It was futile, you knew that, but you still wanted to get away from him. He easily pinned your hands down, silencing your protests with his lips as he took possession of yours. And just like that, you were docile as a kitten under his mercy and the heat of his touch.

"Do you still wanna leave me?" You just glared at him, your lack of response making him grit his teeth and tear the dress you were wearing off of you.

"Toji, what the – mmph!"

Again, he swallowed your words, his hands roaming over your now naked body. He pulled back only to say, "I'm giving you a chance to talk now, darling. Don't waste it." He then started kissing your neck, going lower and lower, the sounds he was making distracting you. "I'm listening, Y/N. And don't give me another bullshit excuse."

Your misery mingled with the carnal pleasure he was pulling out of you, coming in rivulets of tears as you half-sobbed, half-moaned at the way he was touching everything his hands could reach while he ground his crotch against yours.

"Toji, please stop," you pleaded, and he did, flashing you a pained look. For the first time, it seems that he was showing you the real person behind all the facade, the version of Fushiguro Toji exclusively reserved for Megumi.

He sat on his haunches, looking down at your vulnerable form as you covered your face with your arms and continued to sob. "I-I'm sorry..."

"No. I'm sorry," you answered between deep draws of breath. You weren't crying because of what he was doing. It was more for the fact that you were hurting him as much as your arrangement was hurting you. "But what the hell can I do?"

He hovered over you, prying your hands away from your face as gently as he could and peppering your face with kisses. "What is it, darling? Come on, tell me."

"I broke our agreement..." You looked away from him.

He eyed you quizzically. "And how did you do that?"

"By falling in love with you." You finally met his gaze. "I know you said our liaisons will not go beyond just what we really are to each other, but I couldn't help it. I care for you and Megumi, so much so that I want to be a genuine part of your lives. And it's not my place to ask, so I'm sorry."

To your surprise, he laughed, like really laughed, and you haven't felt so embarrassed in your life after pouring your heart out to him. You wanted the whole place to crumble into a pit and take you with it. 

When he was calm enough, he said, "Fucking finally!"

"What?"

He sighed, leaning down to kiss you on the cheek. "Do you know how long I've waited for you to say that to me?"

You paled but at the same time, you felt your face getting hot, realizing what he meant. "You knew?"

"From the moment it happened, yes. You think you can just walk out on me like that?" He shook his head. "Don't act like you don't know me at all."

"Y-you –" You didn't know what to say, getting up halfway only to be met with a scorching kiss that left you breathless.

Toji undid his pants, letting his cock spring free, and then lifted you onto his lap, holding you close. "I knew you were made for me the moment Megumi's eyes lit up the first time he asked if you were gonna be his new mommy."

"He did?" you asked in muffled tones against the crook of his neck.

"So what do you say? 'Cause I was dying to say yes." He kissed your temple, and underneath, you could feel him preparing to align himself with you.

You pulled away, holding his head between your hands as you looked at him in disbelief. "You were?"

He rolled his eyes. He really wasn't good at this. "Yes, darling. Now, are you still gonna leave me? Us?"

You pouted. "You're not just using Megumi to make me stay, right?" You gasped when he nudged your entrance, knowing he's got you in the bag. "I won't even let you near my son if I didn't want you as much as I do. But I got the best wingman, no?"

You just stared at him in disbelief but he prompted you by thrusting upward and breaking you away from your reverie, a high-pitched moan ripping out of your throat.

"Come on, Y/N. Decide so I can love you as much as you want me to." He grinned deviously at you. "Not that I plan to do otherwise if you decide to go."

"And if I go anyway?"

He smirked. "I don't know, love. I'm yakuza after all."

"Is that a threat?!" You smacked him on the chest, earning you a chuckle and a kiss to your forehead. "Yes. Can I love you now?" he asked and you swore he looked just like Megumi when he would beg you for goodies. So, how can you say no to that?

~*~

GOJO

"Where have you been?"

The silence you expected to arrive to at the penthouse was broken the moment you walked by the vast living room. You almost dropped the red heels you held when you heard that familiar voice echo through the room, quiet yet deadly.

You visibly froze before turning around to see the owner of the voice. He looked upset, those usually bright orbs of aquamarine having turned into cold, hard gems as they regarded you. The darkness of the room that surrounded him like a miasma didn't help in quelling the tension in the room. If there was one thing Gojo Satoru hated, it's when he is disobeyed, and you flouting his orders and going out to party wasn't an exception. Sure, he doted on you and always showered you with gifts and affection, but being part of his world meant you needed to follow strict rules in exchange for the lavish life he provided for you.

You knew you should not have gone anywhere apart from your university and the place you called home. You knew you should not have given his men trouble by thinking you were at home after you snuck out, but you thought, why not? Gojo wasn't supposed to be back until the following day anyway, "Negotiations," he called them. You didn't want to feel alone in such an empty space, which was becoming more frequent as of late. You understood where he was coming from, but at the same time, you refused to and you wanted to act out.

Choosing to aggravate his foul mood further, you shrugged and attempted to walk past without saying anything, but you effectively stopped when he said, "Stop right there. We're not done talking."

Veering to look at him with the coldest expression you could muster, you retorted, "I went out with my friends. What's the big deal?"

He stood up from his seat, evidently pissed off at your attitude. "I thought I told you. It's dangerous, Y/N. I'm just trying to protect you. What if something happened to you?"

"They're your enemies, Satoru, not mine."

"It doesn't change the fact that they will hurt you if they can!" He had such a menacing look on his face when he was angry which you thought never belonged with those easy smiles and generally perfect visage of his. Someone so beautiful being shrouded in darkness was a violation to nature, and Gojo was just so.

"Well then, maybe I shouldn't have gotten together with you!" you shouted back, throwing your expensive shoes on the floor, imagining it was an extension of him you wished to hurt. "I could be in danger; I understand that. I'm not stupid, but I never cared for any of that as long as I have you, but you're never there! Why should I stay put when you tell me to?"

Gojo was evidently taken aback at your outburst, not believing that this was the welcome he gets after being away. At the same time, he felt guilty and deserving of your harsh treatment of him, feeling his heart sinking at your words. "You'll be safer that way," was all he could say.

You smirked at him, shaking your head. "And lonely. You forgot lonely." You shrugged, walking away from him. "I'm tired."

Having ended up in the bathroom where you found solace from Gojo, you leaned your arms and propped your chin on the rim of the huge tub, staring at the city lights through the glass walls. It seemed like a good idea to get tangled up with an older male who wanted to take care of you at your darkest moments, having been fired from your job and thrown out of your apartment which made you resort to sleeping in your car. 

That's how you met in the first place, making the mistake of parking around the outskirts of the city, hugging a can of pepper spray in your sleep when Gojo and his men decided to make an exchange at the empty parking lot of the warehouse nearby. Safe to say, it went awry when men started to pull out guns.

He took you home after his right-hand man spotted you in the car when your phone lit up at the wrong time. At first, he was suspicious of you, thinking you were an asset for an enemy clan. You were probably traumatized or in utter shock when your first reaction to him after seeing him break someone's neck a few yards from your car was to tell him he was beautiful while also shivering at the thought of how easily those gloved hands could murder you.

Gojo had been straightforward from the get-go, never hiding his intentions the moment he thumbed at your chin, forcing you to behold his beauty in all its glory which was just a bonus with how gentle, kind and caring he was towards you. And you clung to the dark angel who offered you a comfortable life away from the dangers of the streets, even offering to pay for your studies when he found out just how well you did in them. It seemed you were embroiled in more danger than you anticipated, however.

To say that you didn't know what kind of life you have entangled yourself in would be a lie. You knew just what kind of person Gojo Satoru is, his pretty hands and his very name stained in blood. The tattoos that adorned his beautiful alabaster skin were a dead ringer of just what kind of clan he belonged to, and it didn't help that he was surrounded by ruffians like a lone rose in a sea of thorns all the time.

They called him The Prince, even his enemies, and what a fitting name, at least to you with whom he showed his better side and true self underneath the emotionally constipated yakuza overlord that he is. But that was the very thing that broke your heart.

You had an agreement. Blatantly put, you are his pet, and he is your owner who poured money on trinkets he thought would make you happy in exchange for favors. That's it. You give him your body, and you get to have him for all those moments he is available. You wouldn't deny that it was an economically good proposition and beggars probably can never be choosers as was the case for you, but you never anticipated just what a lonely existence it would be on top of it being dangerous when you were deemed his weakness.

What a laugh. You weren't his weakness, not even remotely close. It was all for naught when your life is being put in line because of stupid assumptions his enemies resorted to. You will die if you don't toe the line according to Gojo's standards, and for what? They'd probably think they hurt him, but really, they're just giving him an excuse to go on a rampage, which will be for reasons vastly different from their thoughts.

But more than anything, the most significant matter at stake was your heart, if not your sanity. Letting that information out during your outburst was a faux pas on your part, and you emotionally prepared yourself to leave the kind of life Gojo granted you in the first place. You've fallen for him, and that wasn't a good thing when he made it clear just what purpose you served for him.

The sound of water droplets from the faucet was suddenly interrupted by the glass doors sliding open to accommodate Gojo, who had already changed into a fluffy, white robe, shedding it off as he approached you. You didn't acknowledge his presence and merely watched his reflection through the wall. That didn't deter him from coming into the bathtub behind you and pulling you close.

"Would you please look at me, sweetheart?" he asked, his melodious voice making every fiber of your being tense. He wrapped an arm around you, his breath ghosting over your nape. "Did I make you that upset while I was away? I'm sorry, my pet."

His apology always came with a catch. You didn't have to enumerate them when you're only supposed to understand.

"Still mad at me? What does my Y/N want, hmm?" Gojo started placing kisses on your shoulder, moving upwards to your neck, but before it could cloud your judgment, you moved forward, gently taking his arm off of you, much to his dissatisfaction. He sighed, letting you have your space. "What's the problem?"

You hugged your knees to yourself, feeling the coldness of the air when you lost contact with him. "It's not something you could fix by kissing me." As if on cue, you absently scooped some soapy water and rubbed it over the areas he touched.

Being the brat used to having his way, Gojo scoffed. "Are you literally washing away my kisses?" It's just like him to ask about the trivial things when he feels like it. He reached out to touch you when you didn't answer but stopped when you flinched. He immediately turned serious, the air around you becoming charged with tension. "Y/N, will you please tell me what's bothering you?"

"You are."

"What?"

You leaned your forehead on your knees, feeling vulnerable to the whole world as you calmed your inner turmoil and tried to put in words how you felt, how things would end by your hand before he casts you away.

"I breached our contract."

Silence followed your words, and those mere seconds of pause felt like an eternity as you feared the worst. But then he said, "Will you elaborate on that?"

You lifted your head, throwing it back as you closed your eyes, taking a deep breath. "I know I don't have any right to be demanding things from you, least of all hold it against you when I miss you in your absence."

"You miss me?"

"But I have no control over how I started feeling the way I do, becoming more pronounced whenever you're not with me. We had an agreement, I know that, but because I broke it, I guess I'll have to take it upon myself to end this."

"End what?" He straightened up, his blue eyes filling with dread. "What – what are you talking about?" He sounded angry this time but like that of an animal cornered as opposed to being the hunter.

You looked at him from over your shoulder. "I'm leaving you, Satoru."

A mix of emotions started to take shape with every nuance in his expression, as if he could not make up his mind about how he would feel about what you just said. For a split second, he looked at you as if you had obliterated his whole being, but then he calmed down, massaging the point between his blue eyes.

"I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore. I know my role, and I should just walk away before it gets out of hand."

"What role?"

You laughed without humor. "I am, in essence, just your sugar baby, Satoru. You give me things that you see fit. I don't get to demand anything from you."

"Is that how you see yourself?" His tone was scathing but calming at the same time. It makes things easier for you.

"Let's not pretend anymore, okay?"

"So what exactly are you telling me?"

"Do I have to spell everything out for you?" you asked in exasperation, your tears finally dripping from your eyes.

He let up on the harsh expression on his face upon seeing them. "Y/N, baby, don't cry. Please. I just need you to explain. I deserve at least that when you're telling me you want to –"

"I love you, Satoru." You smiled at him through your tears, the most sincere one you gave his way since you realized how you felt.

"You do?"

"I don't regret it regardless of the consequences."

"Y/N, I'm confused."

You didn't address that. Gojo was probably one of the most brilliant people you knew, but it was always easy to feign ignorance, regardless of that. Without addressing it, you motioned to get out of the tub, wondering where you'll start with packing, but then almost everything you owned was technically Gojo's. It would be easy, you thought.

"Anyway, you know now. I should go." 

Gojo wasn't having any of it. He stopped you, pulling you towards him. "You just told me you love me, and you're leaving me behind?"

You blinked. "Am I...not supposed to?"

Gojo smirked at you. "What makes you think you can just walk away now that I know?"

You sank into the water, creating splashes in your wake. You didn't know how to feel about that. It was a choice between succumbing to that false sense of security you learned to accept during the three years you've been with him or relief over the possibility that he reciprocated your feelings. However, before you could even decide, Gojo chose to addle your brain by leaning in and taking possession of your lips, giving you no choice but to melt and submit to his touches.

It was passionate as usual, setting every ounce of your existence aflame while his hands roamed around every inch of your skin, marking his territory. You appreciated that about him, not holding back and giving you what you wanted without inhibitions, but you've always accepted that what you wanted the most, he could never ever give. You've resigned yourself to that fact, and yet, whenever he touches you, you are convinced otherwise because his actions always contrast his words. You hated how hope started to grow in your chest, and although he quickly turned you on, you fought against it and pulled away from him.

"N-no. Stop."

"Why?" He looked at you, kiss-drunk and dazed.

"I can't do this anymore. I'm not going to force you to be beholden to me." You inched backward. "Just let me go."

Gojo clucked his tongue, sighing profoundly and covering his face with his hands in utter frustration. "What have I done?"

You shook your head. "It's not your fault."

"No..."

It was your turn to reach out to him, forcing his hands off of his face as you kneeled before him. "Satoru, you can hardly be blamed for how I feel. It's okay. I am not mad at you."

"Yeah, but I sure as hell am mad at myself." He let you take his hands but immediately reversed roles and held your hand in his. "Oh, Y/N. My sweet, sweet Y/N." His broad shoulders drooped down. "It's my fault why you're doing this right now for making you feel like you had to toe boundaries with me where your emotions are concerned."

"We signed a contract..."

He lifted his hand to tenderly graze your cheek, his icy blue eyes showing that misplaced warmth you've become familiar with even when he made someone beg for mercy. Gojo Satoru always shone brilliantly amid the darkness that surrounded him. You gravitated towards that light no matter how twisted it was.

"This is my doing."

"No –"

"But it's true." He smiled sadly at you. "I know what I am, and I am so deep in it that nothing could right the wrongs I've done. That contract was supposed to be a shield for you against me, Y/N, not the other way around."

"What?" Now you're confused.

"The moment you called me beautiful despite seeing what you did all those years ago, I knew I had to have you with me to have someone to see past the fear I instill in anyone who crosses paths with me." He shrugged. "I didn't want you to feel like you had to feel for me, nor did I want you to feel responsible for anything that involves me. I'm not so cruel that I'll subject you to that, but it's too late, no? I put you in danger, and you don't owe it to me that I am protecting you or giving you everything I thought you would want while keeping a safe distance. Turns out I've hurt you more."

You were taken aback, to say the least.

"But I do care for you more than I can admit or fathom." He beamed disarmingly as he tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear. "I am in too deep, and maybe I should just accept that I do love you."

"Satoru..." 

"I love you, Y/N. Words are cheap, and it may be too late, but I really do." He placed his head on your shoulder as he embraced you, holding you tight, skin on skin. "But if you want to leave, I will let you. I will not be selfish and ask you to stay with me. I want you to do whatever you think is best for you without thinking of me."

Laughter wanted to escape from your throat, not because of mirth but from relief. But with that came the realization that you weren't free anymore, not where Gojo was concerned. He's setting you free, but the lock to your prison wasn't his to hold in the first place. You held yourself captive to him in the first place, locked yourself in, and threw the key away. Knowing he reciprocated your affection towards him just sealed you in a reinforced vault, dunked into the deepest trenches of the ocean that was his warmth. How the hell were you supposed to leave him now when you mistakenly thought you were grasping at straws when he was shackled to you all along?

Shrugging, you wrapped your arms around him, shaking your head at your foolishness. At this point, saying you didn't know what you were getting yourself into is a big, fat lie, and it was probably one you will never make the mistake of doing anyway, unable to deny yourself of what you wanted...what you needed.

"You really are a piece of work," you muttered.

"What did I do?" he whined like a child. In such moments, you almost always forget he was shy of a year to a decade older than you.

You chuckled, returning his words to him. "What makes you think you can just walk away now that I know?" 

Gojo's head snapped up, now wearing a cheeky grin as he regarded you, his hands climbing up the back of your thighs before cupping your bare ass. "Is that so? I'm letting you do what you want, Y/N."

You scoffed. He's back to his usual self, toying with you, but you see the subtle difference in how he deals with you. "I am doing what I want right now."

"Going once..."

You relaxed in his hold.

"Twice?"

"No."

His expression turned dark, eyes hazy with lust as he drew you closer, making you sit directly on his half-hard cock. "You can't complain after this, you are aware, my love?"

Ah, the sound of that endearment rolling out of his tongue was music to your ears. Winding your arms around his neck, you leaned forward and ground your hips against his, relishing the soft groan that escaped his lips at the pressure. "Where do I sign?"

He pointed at his lips. "It's a lifetime agreement, mind you."

You wasted no time sealing your new pact, crashing your lips against his, a kiss that was sloppy at best, excitement and a mix of love and lust heavy on your tongue as you sought his, reveling in the taste of him which felt like the first time. Gojo was almost always dominant, but he didn't seem to mind that you were taking the lead this time, asserting your claim over him, unable to resist now that you've both gotten what you wanted from each other.

"Lucky for you, I don't want out."

~*~

I had fun with these. Wonder if I should do Geto, Sukuna and Choso as well... A little treat to quell the time I'm taking off of writing my ongoing Gojo smau cause I lost all my fucking files. Yay, me!

© ORIGINAL WORK BY nanaminokanojo. CHARACTERS ARE INSPIRED BY GEGE AKUTAMI'S JUJUTSU KAISEN. [20231019]

PHOTO/IMAGE/GIF/FANART/ANY MEDIA CREDITS TO THE RESPECTIVE OWNERS.

[honeyedmiller]

Law of Attraction — Chapter One: Rough Draft

series masterlist | next chapter

rating: 18+, minors dni.

warnings: Professor!Joel, reader is self conscious for a bit, reader is mentioned to be plus sized, no outbreak au, smut (fingering, thigh riding, f oral receiving, unprotected piv), pet names, age gap (joel is in his mid forties and reader is in late twenties), no use of y/n.

word count: 4.4k

chapter synopsis: you need help with a paper you’re writing for Professor Miller’s class, and he’s more than happy to oblige.

Professor Miller’s class was your favorite.

Criminal Law was your favorite subject, and Professor Miller made learning about it sound like the most interesting thing in the world (which to you, it truly was).

Although the class itself was a bit monotonous, you got to look at the most handsome Professor on the University of Austin’s campus. It was no secret that people only joined Professor Miller’s class just to ogle over him and his ruggedly handsome looks.

You, on the other hand, needed this class to graduate. Which means you needed to try. You were a good student; A’s and B’s as your final grades at the end of each semester, took good notes, studied hard, and asked for help when you needed it. However, you found it to be a bit difficult to do so for Professor Miller.

Even just being around him made you unintentionally blush. His eyes always tended to land on yours because you sat up front, and, well, tried to pay attention to the lesson. So, when you weren’t exactly confident in the rough draft of a paper you wrote for his class, you’d emailed him for help.

to: jmiller@uta.edu

Good evening Professor Miller,

I was just wondering if I could have you read through the rough draft of my paper. I seem to be struggling a bit with this particular section of the course, and would like some feedback to see what I need to change or can improve.

Thank you and kind regards.

You held your breath as you clicked ‘send’, and in less than five minutes, he replied to you. Your heart leaped into your throat when you saw his name on the screen, and you rolled your eyes at yourself for getting so worked up over a man that you’d never be able to have, regardless if you were well above a legal age.

from: jmiller@uta.edu

Of course. Meet me after class tomorrow and we can go over it in my office during my office hours.

Have a good night.

Professor M

You often thought of Professor Miller outside of class, and, sometimes, you’d let your mind wander to places it shouldn’t go. Places like what it’d feel like for him to run his hands over you, fingers in you, him moaning because of you.

Your thoughts always quickly dissipated though when reality sunk in. Surely he’d want someone his own age, not a student of his, and someone who was… well, thinner. You were a bigger girl and you’d struggled with your image a lot, especially because trauma from your childhood from being made fun of constantly haunted you into your adulthood.

It wasn’t easy not caring what people thought of you, especially since you weren’t society’s “standard” beauty. You were curvy, yes, but you didn’t have a flat tummy like other women. You’ve been on a journey of self love and healing for a long time, and you've come a long way. You've had a newfound confidence spring within you, but you just couldn't help the thought loom in the back of your mind as you fantasized about your unfairly gorgeous professor.

So, as it was, you went to bed that night fucking yourself with your fingers, wishing they were his instead as a ghost of his name was whispered from your lips.

-

It was unusually hot in Austin the next day, which resulted in you wearing a pencil skirt that came just above the knees, a button down shirt with the first couple of buttons undone, and strap back kitten heels. You had a presentation in your first class with a team to act as if you were profilers giving a profile on a high stakes case. So, naturally, you had to dress the part.

What you didn't take in account is the fact that several of your classmate's eyes landed on you as you walked into Professor Miller's class a few minutes before it started. Professor Miller's eyes snapped up and looked at you, taking in your professional attire. You felt your face get hot as you tried to subtly head to your desk in the front, but your heels clicking against the floor didn't help.

Joel cleared his throat as he typed something on his computer, turning on the projector so the screen could display today's lesson. Joel got up from his desk and trudged over to yours, knocking on it twice. Your head was already buried in the notes from the previous lessons, so his presence startled you.

"I remembered your email from yesterday. See me after class today if you can." He pauses, taking a moment to look over your features, pretty face was perfectly on display for him. Your eyebrows were furrowed and your doe eyes scanned his face, lips in a soft pout, and your chest was rising and falling faster than usual. The way he looked at you made you squeeze your legs together, and Joel noticed.

"For my paper." You stated matter-of-factly, rather than questioning it. He nodded, and you mirrored his actions once before he stalked back to his desk. He greeted the class shortly after, beginning the lesson almost immediately.

Class lasted the two hours as usual, and as everyone gathered their stuff, you stay put. You’d crossed your leg over one another because the heavy feeling of arousal just wasn’t going away.

Professor Miller looked particularly good today, with his hair done up and a tight cotton green button down hugging the muscles in his arms. You always admired his husky build, and this shirt he wore with the fitted denim jeans he had on accentuated it perfectly.

“So what exactly are you struggling with?” Professor Miller cuts to the chase, prompting you to come up to his desk. You clear your throat as you pull the rough draft from your folder, sliding out of your desk. You walk over to him, heels still clicking onto the floor with purpose. You hand him the paper and he takes it from you gently.

“I’m having trouble with the case study here,” You lean over his desk slightly, a perfectly manicured finger of yours pointing at the third paragraph on the first page. “I don’t know if I should apply or dispute it.” You chew on your bottom lip nervously, not realizing how incredibly sexy you look to your dear professor right now.

One of your hands was hooked to the edge of his desk, gripping on it to balance yourself as you leaned over giving him a slight peep of the very top of the soft flesh of your breasts. You biting your lip like that didn’t make things any better. Joel felt his cock twitch in his jeans, and he wanted to groan.

Joel’s admired your curviness since the first day you walked into his classroom. He always found plus size women attractive, so naturally, he felt more drawn to you. He knew you were a consenting adult and a grown woman at that, so he truthfully didn’t feel too guilty for unashamedly checking you out. You just never noticed.

Joel’s eyes snapped back to your paper, reading over the section you pointed at. “You should apply the argument,” Joel said, writing next to the printed words with red ink. “Everything looks good, though. Just apply the argument and assess the similarities between the two cases and you’re golden.” He hands you back the paper after writing his feedback.

“Great. Thank you for your help, Professor.”

“Call me Joel.”

You look at him a little confused. “Sir?” The word just slipped out of your mouth, and you didn’t realize what you’d just said until after the fact. Joel exhaled shakily out of his nose.

To change the subject, he took in your attire again. “What’ya doin’ dressed up all fancy like that?” He asks, leaning back in his chair. He was trying to distract his own mind from wandering places that it shouldn’t with you.

“Oh,” You laugh, and fuck if that wasn’t one of Joel’s new favorite sounds. “I have Professor Sanchez’s class before this. We had a group presentation today,” You turn away from him to put the paper back in your folder, so your back was facing him. You heard Joel get up from his chair, but his footsteps didn’t go far. It sounded like he was leaning up against his desk. “We basically had to give out a profile for a mock high stakes case.”

Joel hummed, and you whirred around to face him. His body looked elongated the way he leaned so cooly up against his mahogany desk, legs extended but crossed as his boots touched the ground, and his arms were crossed over his chest. He looked like a tall glass of water and you’d be damned if you didn’t get a sip.

“Professor Sanchez’s class sounds fun.” Joel quips, tilting his head.

“Yours is better.”

“Oh really? Why’s that?” He uncrosses his arms and pushes himself off of his desk, analyzing your body language again. He can tell by the way your legs are pressed together and the rising of your chest that you’re nervous, which makes him nearly smirk.

“More fun to learn about.” You shrug, trying to play it cool. You were certain he could see right through you, though, but neither of you were doing anything about it. You couldn’t help but have a hunch that Professor Miller might just want you the same way you want him. Maybe.

He huffs a chuckle and looks down at the linoleum tile on the floor, biting his tongue. You know he wants to say something, but he’s hesitant. So, you took the initiative and took a step closer to him, taking in his broad frame.

“Look, darlin’,” He starts, and your stomach flutters at the nickname. “I know you’re a grown woman and all, but you’re still my student.”

You tilt your head to the side in wonder, a ghost of a smirk on your lips. “What ever are you talking about, sir?” You’re playing with fire now as you take a step forward, just inches away from the man you’ve wanted to ruin you for so long.

“You know exactly–” He paused as you dragged your index finger down the side of his neck, to his exposed collarbone. “What I’m talkin’ about.”

“As far as I’m concerned, sir, we’re both consenting adults.” You drop your hand and shrug, your eyes feening innocence.

He sighs defeatedly, shaking his head.

“You’re not wrong about that. You don’t know how hard it’s been trying to keep my eyes to myself every time you walk into my classroom. And then you come in here looking like this?” Joel gestures to your whole body, and your heart is hammering in your chest.

“Never thought you’d look at me that way, Professor.” You confess.

“You kiddin’ me? You’re one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen in my life,” He scoffs as if he can’t believe you don’t see yourself in the same light that he does. He thinks for a moment before opening his mouth, then clamping it shut. It seems that he made a final decision when he sighs and closes his eyes, opening them to look directly into yours. His brown eyes were so mesmerizing, you almost didn’t hear him say his next words. “If you really want this, want me, follow me into my office.” He whispers, and you nod with subtle eagerness.

Holy fuck. You couldn’t believe this was happening. You trailed not too far behind him with your book bag slung over your shoulder, heels clicking against the floor in anticipation as you tried to keep up with his wide strides. You walked through a door in the classroom that led to a hallway with another door at the end. Joel unlocked the door and opened it for you, letting you in first. He trailed in hot on your heels and shut the door. He locked it and swiftly grabbed the softness of your hips, pushing you up against the door. You gasp softly, hands landing on his broad chest.

“Fuck, baby, you’re so beautiful.” Was all he said before he crashed his lips with yours, gripping one of your thighs and bringing it up to wrap around his waist. His fingers dug into the soft flesh of your thigh as your skirt rode to your hips, leaving you to feel just how hard Joel’s cock was getting.

You moaned into his mouth and tangled your fingers into his slightly graying hair, tugging the slightest bit. He pushed you even further into the door, grinding his hips into yours. You left out a soft whimper into his mouth, but he swallowed it right up when he swept his tongue over your bottom lip. You didn’t hesitate to let his tongue explore your mouth.

You both were clearly so ravenous for each other, and the clashing of tongues and teeth proved that. You gripped at each other like you’d both disappear and this would’ve been a sad, unfulfilling dream.

Joel pulled apart from your lips as he trailed his warm lips down your throat and to your collar bone, his hot tongue poking out to soothe tiny bites he made along the way.

“Joel, please.” You beg, not really sure for what though. You want him everywhere on you all at once. You wanted to drink him in like he was the last fucking water source in the world. You wanted to feel his burly muscles rippling beneath your hands as you became full of him, stretching you out so heavenly that you couldn’t even comprehend what was going on around you.

He moaned at the sound of his name rolling off your tongue, and he pulled apart from you. He dragged you over to his desk, where he sat down in his large office chair and pulled you down to straddle one thigh of his.

“Go on, baby, use me.” He breathed, brushing the curve of your cheekbone softly. You leaned forward to kiss him again, finally registering what he meant. You settled your clothed core over his jean-clad thigh, grinding yourself onto him slowly at first. The friction was heavenly and you knew you were already close.

So many days and nights of fantasizing about this and how it’d go down, only for it to come true in the end, was truly otherworldly. His large hands moved down to unbutton a couple of more buttons on your shirt before moving down the curves of your body to rest on your ass, giving it a squeeze. You brought your hands onto his shoulders to steady yourself as you began to really ride his thigh.

You moaned softly and your eyebrows threaded together, the friction becoming nearly unbearable.

“Fuck.” You muttered, jaw going slack. Joel watched you in pure lust and amusement, waiting for you to soak a spot into his jeans. Seeing you like this, on top of him, riding his thigh, getting off because of him… made his head swirl with euphoria.

“That’s it, angel. C’mon. Give it to me, baby.” Joel encouraged, softly forcing his hands against your ass to get you to rut your hips a little faster.

“Fuck, fuck, Joel, I’m gonna– fuck!” You came hard on his thigh, and he nearly came in his pants at the sight. He felt the warm slick on his thigh, and he needed to get a taste of you.

“So good for me, sweet girl,” He murmured as he lifted you by your hips and set you down on his neat desk. Your skirt was already up to your hips, so Joel swiftly removed your soaked panties and stuffed them in his back pocket. “Let me just get a taste.” He said, looking down at you. Your cunt clenched around nothing at his words, silently begging him to devour you like you were his last meal.

He got down on his knees and pulled your ass closer to the edge of the desk by your thighs, hooking them around his shoulders as he came face-to-face with your glistening heat. “So fuckin’ pretty. This pussy’s mine.” Joel mewled, calloused fingers digging into the flesh of your thighs once more as his tongue circled your clit.

The drag of his muscle was slow, teasing. He took his time just to hear you beg for his mouth. He needed to hear it.

“Sir, please.” You softly whimper, and his eyes nearly rolled to the back of his head. His ran his tongue up and down your folds, swirling it a few times before it prodded your entrance. He delved his tongue inside of you, and you had to clamp your hand over your mouth in order to keep from screaming.

His tongue felt so warm and wet and heavenly in you and around your aching cunt, just begging to be devoured until you reach another orgasm. Joel is was moaning against you, and the vibrations shot straight up your core. It made your toes curl in your heels, and your hips buck up from the desk. He folded his hands on top of your stomach to keep you locked down, and you whined at the sensation.

You were panting heavily beneath your hand, trying to muffle the loud whines and moans that you emitted. Joel’s tongue kept working against you as he lapped up your slick, drinking you in like he was dehydrated in the desert. You tasted so good to him; like nectarine from the ripest peach.

He then solely focused his tongue on your clit, flicking over it rapidly before using his lips to lightly suck on it. Your nails from your free hand clawed at the desk, the feeling of overstimulation creeping in. You felt that low burning sensation in your core as your next orgasm began to build up. As if on cue, Joel swiftly detached his mouth from you as he gathered your slick on his middle finger, followed by his ring. He pushed his two fingers into your entrance slowly, relishing the tightness around his digits.

He latched his mouth back onto your clit, interchanging between licking and sucking. Your shaky thighs began to squeeze Joel’s head as your orgasm was about to peak.

Joel hummed against you as he curled his fingers , hitting that spongy spot inside of your cunt that had you rolling your eyes back as your body shook through your climax. You whimpered as he detached his mouth and removed his fingers, bringing them to his mouth to lick them clean. The whole bottom half of his face was covered in your arousal, and he looked down at you with a dangerous glint in his eyes.

“So sweet f’me, baby. Could eat that perfect pussy all day.” He tossed you a shit-eating grin, and your thighs clamped shut as you tried to regain your breath. He leaned down to give you a kiss, and you tasted yourself on his tongue as he slipped it into your mouth. You could feel his painfully hard erection against your thigh, so you tried to muster up as much energy as you could to start taking off his belt.

Joel helped you by taking the rest of his belt off after you undid the buckle. He unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, pulling them down just below his ass. He tugged his boxers down too so he could free his erection. Your mouth watered at the sight of his erect cock, head weeping and leaking pre cum.

“L’me taste you.” You managed to say in your already fucked-out state, but Joel shook his head.

“Next time, baby,” Next time. You pouted at him and he chuckled, cradling your face. “Now if you need to tap out, give me two hard taps on my thigh, okay angel?” You swallowed and nodded at his directions, and once again, you clenched around nothing.

“I’m– I have an IUD.” You say, and Joel looks down at you.

“Good.” Was all he said before putting both of his hands by your head, leaning down to kiss you gently. Without removing his lips from yours, he took one hand and guided the head of his cock over your aching folds. You were buzzing with anticipation, because the need to have him in you was almost unbearable.

He slowly prodded your entrance, then pushed himself in. You nearly choke on a gasp as he fills you up. You felt every ridge and vein on his silky, girthy flesh and you closed your eyes in pure ecstasy at the feeling. His cock was heavy in you, the weight adding to the extra pleasure you were already experiencing.

Joel looked at your face, admiring how it was contorted in pleasure and slight pain before he leaned down again to bite the soft flesh of your breast as he adjusted to your tightness.

“Feel so fuckin’ good, baby.” Joel moaned, standing upright after littering a few more kisses on your chest.

“Please move, Joel.” Was all you said before he began to rock his hips steadily. His thrusts were slow at first, but you tried to grind your hips against his for more friction. A few times your clit met the coarse hair at the base of his cock, and that gave you the friction you needed to clench around him so deliciously.

“This pretty pussy is all mine, y’hear me? So fuckin’ wet and tight, darlin’. Have me fuckin’ losin’ my mind,” Joel picks up his pace, slamming into you at an impossible rate. “Say it.” He warns, taking your breasts out from the cup of your bra.

“It’s–fuck, it’s all yours sir. All yours.” You couldn’t believe how good he felt as he fucked you like this, feverishly and buried to the hilt every single time.

“Good girl.” You moaned at the praise, and he leaned down to capture a swollen bud into his mouth. His hot tongue swirled around your flesh, sucking it and ever so slightly nipping it with his teeth. You hissed at the feeling, but it only spurred your arousal on further.

You wrapped your legs around his waist as he fucked you, but he stood up and removed your legs from him and put them over his shoulders instead. The new angle made it easier for him to fuck you deeper. A dark glint passed in Joel’s eyes as you moaned loudly.

He gathered both of your wrists into one of his, pinning them above your head. The pace of his hips picked up, and all that was heard in the windowless room was the sound of skin on skin slapping together, your wonton moans, and Joel’s grunts. He moved his other hand over your throat, wrapping around it and giving the sides a squeeze as he fucked you senselessly. You felt that tight coil in the pit of your core once more, and you were writhing beneath Joel the best you could.

“Fuck, Joel, ‘m gonna cum again.”

“Go ‘head angel, cum f’me.” His deep Southern drawl is what sent you over the edge, crumbling down and shattering all at once as your orgasm ripped through you. You cried out, and Joel quickly removed his hand from your throat and kissed you urgently, but the pace of his hips didn’t let up. He released your wrists next and your hands found purchase in his hair, raking their way down his back as you desperately tried to grab a hold on him.

It resulted in your nails scratching down his back, which he hissed at but didn’t seem to mind overall. Joel was chasing his own release as your slick cunt gripped him so desperately.

“C’mon baby, give me one more.” He grunted, gripping your hips so tightly you were sure there were going to be bruises. As if on command, your body beckoned to his call and you found yourself orgasming for the fourth time that day. A gush of liquid expelled from your overstimulated cunt, and a strangled cry left your mouth.

Joel was teetering on the edge, teeth clenched and brow furrowed. “Where do you want me, angel?” His voice was strangulated and desperate, both of you gasping for air.

“In me, Joel, please.” You cry, gently gripping at his hair as his head dropped to your shoulder, warm spurts of cum shooting into you. He groaned into your ear, cursing under his breath as he filled you to the brim.

He collapsed onto you, cradling the side of your face as he kissed you passionately.

“So good f’me, sweet girl. Y’did so well.” He praises, kissing your lips once more before standing up slowly and pulling himself out of your sensitive cunt.

You hummed as you tried to relish in the feeling of being so fucked out by one of the hottest men you’ve ever come to know in your life. You couldn’t believe that just happened, and your mind was swirling with a million thoughts per minute.

Joel helped you up onto shaky legs, grinning to himself at how fucked out you looked. He was sure he looked the same way, but he couldn’t care less.

“You have any classes after this, baby?” Joel asks as he buttons up your shirt for you. You shake your head no, your voice not quite caught up to you just yet.

“‘M going home to sleep. Im exhausted.” You sigh, leaning against him. He chuckles and kisses the top of your head, smoothing out any stray hairs that were misplaced from your activities.

“Get some rest, baby. Here. Take my number and I’ll call you.” He rips a piece of paper from a notebook laying nearby, scribbling his number on it before tucking it into the breast pocket of your shirt. You beam up at him, hand trailing up his torso to rest on his chest. Your other hand found purchase on the back of his neck, softly tugging him down to kiss him once more.

“Mm. Will do, Professor.” You playfully wink at him, and he taps your ass playfully before you unlock the door to his office.

He half smiled as he watched you walk away, admiring your beautiful body from behind. He called out to you one last time, hoping you’d text him asap that night.

“Don’t forget to fix your rough draft!”

tag list:

@cool-iguana ; @wannab-urs ; @bastardmandennis ; @nostalxgic ; @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin ; @pamasaur ; @planet-marz1

[savnofilter]

Text Me Back | Katsuki Bakugo

      Pro Hero!Katsuki Bakugo x [FEM]Reader

CONTENT WARNING(S): sexual content, sexting, sending nudes, crude jokes, mention of myspace™, p.o.v switches, established relationship.

WORD COUNT: 4k words [15 mins].

READ MORE: masterlist + [student masterlist].

A/N: gosh i wish i couldve done more with this but... i'll figure it out later. may revamp or do a part 2 but it depends on how motivated. anyways, enjoy. 🥹 also i just realized that reader did nothing the whole day LMAOOOO so ignore that pls omg. thank you, anon!

As spring rolled around, the air had a certain chill to it. 

It was a crisp scent with sharp edges, the smell of growing plants clinging onto the molecules within the vicinity. As a result of the coolness in your room, you probably should turn on the heater in your apartment. Usually, you wouldn't have to worry about doing it yourself, but due to maintenance delaying another day later to fix the issue, you now find yourself in an internal battle to get up out of your bed for your comfort. 

Of course, you didn't hate the spring atmosphere. You liked it. The nostalgic and tender feel it gave your body and mind gave a fake sense of comfort that you desired. But you would desperately love it more if you could bask in such ideals while in the comfort of your lukewarm sheets, temperature heightened by the air of the room. 

You groan in disdain at the fact you had to get out of your bed. You begrudgingly roll onto your side and feel around for your phone on your nightstand. Once finding your device you click the button on the side to partially unlock it to see what you have missed from being asleep. Of course, regular things like Twitter notifications were present, Snapchat, Instagram, MySpace, etc… until a message stuck out the most amid your roll call. 

Bakugo 🤭💕

Light schedule today, museum date?

I know you will wake up late, so I'll decide for you. Pick-up is at 7 p.m.

[✓] Sent 8:42 A.M.

You immediately perk up at the notification, a goofy smile spreading onto your lips.

Bakugo has been your boyfriend for about three years now. You had originally met years prior when you both were in school. Him being an intern for superhero-ing and you were an intern for hands-on training within the superhero management world. You were a little shit and he was an even more of a little shit… and that's what made you two click. Even with his calloused way of showing his emotions, he had still been pretty evident about his feelings towards you when you two were merely friends. In the same way, you two could work and piss each other off to no end, there was a great sense of duality showcased by empathy, love, and compassion toward each other. When you needed someone or something, you could always count on your boyfriend, Katsuki.

You chewed the inside of your lip as your brain racked your head at the things you needed to do today. Today was Friday so you were sure you wouldn't have anything on your schedule. But because you tended to let things slip your head, you still had to double-check to make sure. You light up once again as you realize today was only a busy day for yourself—chores, errands, and minimum job-related things you could finish at home. Nothing dire; just adulting.

You

and what if I said no????

how'd y'know i'd wake up late lol

[✓] 13:01 P.M.

After quickly adjusting your noise settings from silent to vibrate, you bring your phone back down onto the nightstand and properly sit up to avoid your back from aching at an uncomfortable angle. You stretch in delight, arms brought over your head and your eyes shut exerting all of the drowsiness within you. You coil back into yourself once the cold air you had forgotten about hits your skin as a rude reminder. You glare at the thermostat before swiftly throwing your covers off and trudge your way to the small dial and fix the dilemma yourself.

While fiddling with the switch, you hear your buzz behind you. Your brows scrunch in frustration as you can feel yourself start to get agitated at how it's acting, finally getting the stupid little compartment to work before walking off. You nearly trip on your way back to bed in an effort to get back to the warmth of your bed.

Bakugo 🤭💕

You always wake up in the evening, dumbass.

& you have a free schedule today.

[✓] Sent 13:08 P.M.

You scoff.

Your chat bubbles float up on the screen on his end as you try to think of something more annoying to combat him with. You fall short.

You

Damn.

[✓] Sent 13:11 P.M.

You think to yourself before pausing and sending another text.

You

shouldn't you be at work? why are you texting me

a kid is probably drowning rn bc Lord Explosion Murder Dynamight is sexting his girlfriend instead of doing his job.

did you change your name to your hero name AGAIN???

[✓] Sent 13:15 P.M.

If loving this kind of banter was something that you enjoyed, may the devil take you away. You couldn't help the grin mischievously as you waited for his correspondence. You were practically on the edge of your bed waiting for his reply.

A few minutes go by and he hasn't replied. There's a pang of hurt following your spiraling thoughts. Who cared if a kid was really drowning-

Bakugo 🤭💕

↳{replied to your text: shouldn't you be at work? why are you texting me}

Is work in the room with us?

[✓] Sent 13:25 P.M.

You're almost quick to reply before seeing his speech bubbles pop up again, eyes watching in interest. You can't help but feel nervicited seeing it disappear and reappear, proud to have stunned him. What you didn't know is what he was fixing himself to say.

Bakugo 🤭💕

↳{replied and highlighted: … Dynamight is SEXTING HIS GIRLFRIEND instead of doing his job.}

No pic, no proof

[✓] Sent 13:27 P.M.

You squint at your phone and pause. Did he just quote the way you talk AND send you a musty and memefied reply all in one go? You huff at his bravery, rolling your eyes but feeling a deep blush creep up on your cheeks. Your phone vibrates.

Bakugo 🤭💕

Don't tell me you folded that fast, babe.

[✓] Sent 13:31 P.M.

Oh, but you did. You weren't expecting him to fire back at you like this. Often when you made an innuendo of some sort he'd whine and brush it off as if he hasn't beaten your doonies down multiple times—sometimes all in one night. But you refused to let him win this. You need to think fast.

Again, the cool air caresses your exposed hand, the stroke of the uncomfortable chill making you hiss. You position yourself on your back where you can safely cover the backs of your hands as you held your phone. A few more minutes had passed than you had noticed, your screen growing dim as you were forced to look at your newly awakened and chilled state.

That's when it hit you.

No pic, no proof, right?

As you shiver feeling a stroke of air pass over again, a sign that the temperature in the room is actively changing, you look down at your chest. In your defense, they looked at you first. Your nipples are profoundly erect and poking at your shirt begging for attention. You purse your lips before looking back at your screen, contemplating your next moves. Sucking in a small breath you quickly awaken your phone and swipe your screen over to take a photo of yourself.

You angle the electronic to show your chest, your other hand dragging up some of your shirt to show little skin of your stomach. Your nipples were still very much the prominent part of the image. After realistically struggling a bit, you snap the picture and quickly hum in surprise at how good it is. If you were in any other state than your current one, you would've retaken it but you couldn't feel yourself to care knowing he's an ass anyway.

You decide to say something after the image as you bring up the chat and send in the picture.

You

(IMAGE)

is this proof?

[✓] Sent 13:40 P.M.

After setting your phone down and interlocking your fingers together, you stare up at the sky: now that you think about it, what possessed you to send such a scandalous picture all of a sudden? The hormone monster? When was the last time you sent him a proper nude? You rub your face and groan as you now really think about it.

No matter how many times you have sent spicy images, it was the mock post nut clarity after sending it off. Debating if the pic was good enough or hoping that it somehow didn't change sender at the last second. The vulnerable feeling starts to claw its way into your body… and yet you refuse to let it get to you. Just like how everything with Bakugo is, all the nervous feelings always filled you with excitement. You couldn't wait to see his response because you knew damn well he was your munch.

You hear your phone buzz once before turning your head to see it fade to black again. Deciding to not look at it straight away, you get up for the second time today. Fortunately, your room was starting to warm up which meant it was the perfect time to start your day (yes, nearing the second hour of the evening). Your phone buzzes again and you choose to ignore it.

Running through your routine is clockwork. Use the bathroom, brush your teeth, shower, facial, and the last part you hadn't reached yet was to get dressed. You had honestly forgotten about teasing your long-term boyfriend as you freshened up for the day. Typically, you did this as a way to relieve stress and rejuvenate yourself. You hum as you lotion up yourself, welcoming back the feelings of giddiness back to your body. There was no need to rush this; it was almost as though the teasing was for your enjoyment more than his. Again you wrap yourself in your robe and finally sit on your bed to go on your phone. His message reads:

Bakugo 🤭💕

↳Loved your message.

Fuck.

Is this how we're playing today?

[✓] Sent 13:41 P.M.

You bite the inside of your lip before a smirk pulls at the corners of your mouth as you type up a reply.

You

you don't want more? okay… ;( 💔

[✓] Sent 14:39 P.M.

He immediately opens your message and his speech bubbles become afloat.

Bakugo 🤭💕

You know damn well that's not what I meant, brat.

Another form of confirmation would be suitable.

[✓] Sent 14:39 P.M.

There's a pause before he sends his next text.

Bakugo 🤭💕

Please.

[✓] Sent 14:39 P.M.

You

I guess you can since you asked nicely…

[✓] Sent 14:41

He was a good boy you had to admit. When he wanted you, he certainly knew how to play the rules until he could be on top. You admired that about him.

You slightly turn your head to the mirror of your bed. You were currently out of sight in the reflection but had an idea of how you could use it. You scooch up to the edge of your bed, sitting with your legs on each side of the corner closest to the body mirror. Before you could even think about sending off a photo you pull your hair back and neaten it up whether it was with a bonnet or messy bun. Regardless you knew he wouldn't give a fuck but this surge in arousal made you want to look sexy in your most natural state. Skin glowing and thriving, you felt like a goddess.

Blessed that the room is warm enough for you to be naked, you partially undress; eyes watch your irresistible figure come to reveal itself. Of course, even with how much you loved yourself, you couldn't show all of yourself just yet. You pull your robe open enough to expose your chest, a small huff of discontent leaving as the air hits your naked skin again. A hum leaves your chest as you admire yourself a bit more, before positioning the camera in a way to show off your chest. You knew this would drive him insane. After a few awkward angles and shots, you deemed your favorite one and opened back up the messages app once again.

You waste no time uploading the pictures but grow a bit hesitant as you can’t help but feel nervous. You’d think after doing this with a trusted partner it’d be a breeze at this stage. You fidget on the edge of the bed as you type up, delete, then retype, decide to delete and then the process continues. ‘Why was this so hard?? Just send the damn pic!’ You sigh and type up your final draft, ready to send the first proper nude for the evening.

With a final decision, you decide to go with something simple.

You

how’s this?

(IMAGE)

[✓] Sent 14:57

You immediately close out the app once you send it off and fall back onto your bed. There’s a giddy smile on your face as you could only imagine what his reaction would be to see the photo. That was the whole exciting thing about this: the teasing that transpires and the adrenaline rush you receive from it. You don’t bother to check if he’s seen it yet as you think it would be best to let your heart rest. Luckily, it’s not long before you need to wait as your phone buzzes beside you.

After a few moments of waiting you sit up on your side to look at the message, your eyes immediately going for Bakugo’s text. You freeze upon seeing two messages in the same format as yours, a regular text followed by a photo to compliment the exchange. You raise your eyebrows as you prop yourself up on your hand now, tapping his notification and swiping up to look at what he has sent you.

You softly gasp as you open the image, something you were not expecting but will gladly accept. “More than perfect.” You read aloud and scrolled further down to look at the whole image. You grin upon seeing a picture of him palming his hard-on through his pants. It appeared by his scenery and clothing that he truly wasn’t out on patrol today, instead probably filming content to build his likability with his fanbase. Not only that, he was in a dressing room, by himself. He had more than enough time to do what he pleases.

Bakugo was more than ready to up the ante and your slow correspondence was killing him. He knew that this was a frequent way that you liked to tease and play dirty with him. He had been up since 5 a.m. and he was basically waiting impatiently for you to wake up.

It had been about a week or so since you two have seen each other and he was missing you badly. Your dumb jokes, your antics, the “arguments” and especially your touch. Apparently, the pre-planned date for tonight was the type of outing you needed as well. Bakugo sucks his teeth as he starts to feel a blush arise on his cheeks as he can’t help but think about you. And you weren’t making it better with how willing you are to toy with him.

Now it was the blonde-haired male's turn to be nervous awaiting your reply. He watched in expectancy to see your response, sitting up from his slouched position on the couch in his dressing room to read your reply.

#1 Brat

not too bad yourself, honey~

[✓] Sent 15:21

Katsuki is quick to start typing again, pausing when he sees your chat bubbles pop up on his phone.

#1 Brat

mind sending another one more… revealing?

(IMAGE)

[✓] Sent 15:23

He chuckles at your proposition. The laugh subsides as he takes in the new image, revealing more of your body in your lying down position practically mimicking the first photo you had sent for the day. The robe artfully covers but also shows your body and he can’t but groan as he longs to touch you. Your breasts, legs, and tummy are so fucking attractive to him. The fact that you have a pretty face tops it all off makes him feel as though he’s won the jackpot being in love with you. But there was one part that he was longing to see as well, the piece of heaven between your legs. The blonde-haired hero grunts as he starts to type up his message.

Bakugo 🤭💕

I could ask the same from you, beautiful.

[✓] Sent 15:26

You

ah-ah, you first!

[✓] Sent 15:27

“This…” Katsuki mumbles to himself but doesn’t stop from unbuckling his pants anyways. With how hard his length appeared in the earlier photo, it is no surprise at how confined it was pressing against his underwear. With a simple tug, he releases his cock from his briefs, a soft groan leaving his lips as he strokes his cock. The warmth of his hand certainly did not compare to yours at all.

He imagines your hot hands caressing every bit of his skin, your warm mouth that’s skilled with playing with his sweet spots, your plush thighs that wrap around his waist or squish his face. The way he could watch how your chest jiggle with each thrust, the way that your pussy never fails to take him in like it was made for him. Everything about you was cursing him and he needed you badly.

Bakugo tilts his head back against the top of the couch as he starts to speed up his thrusts, now fully getting into the thought of what he’d do to you if you were right next to him right now. How he could easily pick you up and pin you onto the couch as he pounds into you like no tomorrow, not giving a fuck if your moans were too loud and anyone passing by could hear the lewd noises coming from within the room. The way he could watch your face contort into the most erotic expressions all because of him, his touch, his mouth, and his dick most importantly. The moment his hips buck to meet his own stroking hand makes him realize he had distracted himself from his main task.

He fumbles around for his phone before setting it up the way you like the most when watching his videos. The angle is perfectly angled to showcase his impressive length, not tew much balls but enough to show the goodies. He made sure to be vocal as well, letting the camera show his stroking and his thumb rubbing his tip every so often to increase the pleasure. A few times you could hear his soft grunts of your name or an exploitive to release the building-up tension from his masturbation session.

He breathes out as he speeds up his strokes. It seems as though with his jerking that he's getting closer and closer to his climax, the only thing clouding his mind is only you. He softly pants and starts to collect perspiration of sweat on his forehead as he works up to his orgasm. He clenches his jaw as he finally finishes and continues to stroke, showing how much cum he can milk from himself. He hums in mere satisfaction and ends the video to clean up. Unfortunately, that in itself did not rid himself of the boner; a new one was already starting to grow once again.

When he processes the video through the messaging app, there is no cheeky remark or commentary. He is officially worked up and cannot wait any longer.

Bzzz Bzzz

Your eyes widen as you finally get your reply back. You tilt your head in curiosity and feel your heart skip a beat. It is a video. Katsuki sent a fucking video. You bite your lower lip and open the message. There was no other text to accompany it but you already knew what you were in for.

Your breath hitches as the video is straight to the point. You watched his perfectly manicured and clean nails skillfully play with his cock, his large hand almost struggling to wrap around his own length. You hear a small moan and you quickly raise the volume, your heart skipping a beat as you realize that you can hear the erotic noises come from him.

Your hand immediately shoots down to untie your robe, slick already starting to increase and your clit pulsing. You shamelessly moan as your deft fingers stroke at your vulva, your mouth in the shape of an, “o” as you use your fluid to play with your bundle of nerves.

“Shit!” You close your eyes with the image of him stroking his cock deeply ingrained in your mind. The noises he made were enough for you to get off on your own. Your middle finger rubs heavy circles into your clit while your other hand busies itself playing with your nipple, the feeling making you lightly shiver. The sounds of his heavy breathing and the silkiness of his hand rubbing his shaft were driving you crazy, and soon enough your petting wasn’t doing the job. You opt for fingering yourself instead, huffing out a whimper as your fingers barely fill your cunt but make up for it by finding your g-spot at the roof of your pussy.

You weakly open your eyes to watch the screen, your breath growing short and light as you meet your fingering with Katsuki’s stroking hand. Another buzz from your phone makes you sit up a little. Your confused and dazed attention span manages to catch the notification that rolls at the top of the screen.

Bakugo 🤭💕 — 15:45

You better not be finishing yourself off without . . .

You groan in annoyance as you remember why you were even diddling yourself in the first place. You slow your strokes down to properly set up your phone, hastily trying to find a proper angle that shows off your body in its entirety (which wasn’t that hard to do as you were in your bed). You spread your legs for the camera and look into the front camera lens as you insert both fingers into your cunt once again. You tilt your head to the side as you look down at your fingers and work a third finger into yourself.

You moan out his name as you work your right hand's fingers into you, building up to the same pace that you had before with the extra digit inside. “Need you so bad, baby--” You groan, looking back up at the screen. Your left-hand comes up to play with your tits again, the robe that still adorned you slipping off your shoulder as you got closer to your climax.

You whimper, finishing off with your fingers, your eyes looking at your cunt taking in your fingers before glancing back at the camera in lust. You repeated, “fuck” as if in a mantra, your eyes closing and your hips bucking to ride yourself to release. You smile as you slowly take out your fingers, your slick sticking to your fingers and your cunt glistening in juices. Your cunt was puffy and warm with arousal pumping through it and it was clear that you wanted him as bad as he wanted you. You scoot a bit closer to show off your sticky fingers, spreading them for him. You hit stop recording with your clean hand after your finished, wasting no time uploading it into the messenger app.

You

of course not, only for you~

(VIDEO)

[✓] Sent 15:55

As soon as you send it in, a text from him follows. You hop up from your bed as you read, heading back to your bathroom to clean yourself up even though the inevitable would have you in the same state as before.

Bakugo 🤭💕

000-0000 Tokyo-to

Be here in 10 minutes.

[✓] Sent 15:56

Hopefully, your newly scheduled meeting won’t delay his filming.

    all rights reserved © do NOT steal, alter or copy this work.

[golbrocklovely]

painting us // colby brock

A/N: this is a birthday present from me to yall. aren't i so generous lol i've been wanting to write something like this ever since i saw this tiktok. it was so cute and so sweet and i just knew it would be a PERFECT fic for colby. i can 1000% see him doing this someday with someone or malia. there's no gender mentioned in this one so anyone can read this and enjoy :) hope yall like it and lmk what you think! also wish my happy birthday while you're at it haha

prompt: colby and you have been together for a long time, and he decides for a special date night that you two should paint one another. || colby brock x reader

trigger warning: one curse word, PURE FLUFF, super sweet <33

word count: 1300

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Are you gonna be upset if my painting looks like ass?" Colby smirked, staring up at me for a moment.

I shook my head. "Babe, I highly doubt it's gonna look that bad."

"You know I have no artistic skills. And especially after a glass of wine?" He pffted.

I giggled. "I'll love it regardless."

Our date nights were always fun, having spent so much time together - it was natural for us to enjoy ourselves. Some of my favorite memories were from dates of ours. Recently Colby had seen a stream of tiktoks talking about getting tipsy and painting one another and showing the results afterwards. He mentioned really wanting to do this one night with me, saying we could turn it into a whole date; including making pizza together and watching a movie after. I agreed once I saw one of the tiktoks and thought it looked like a cute idea. What was hysterical to me was how one partner was always so bad at painting and the other was either amazing or just okay.

And since I had been with Colby for a couple years now, I knew which one of us was going to be the bad one... and it definitely wasn't going to be me.

Colby was creative in a lot of ways. Painting was just not one of them.

I kept looking up at him, doing my best to paint him like he was: hair gelled in just the right way - like he always wore it, a short sleeve button up shirt with a black and white design on it. His eyes were soft, and his lips had a light red stain on them from the wine he had been drinking with me. Every time we made eye contact, he would smile cheekily at me, his dimples showing, and sometimes giving me a wink when I would smirk back.

He was the love of my life, and I couldn't imagine anyone else sitting here with me. I didn't want anyone else sitting here with me, on a random Thursday night, painting, drinking, and reminiscing.

"What's been your favorite date of ours?" He asked softly, his brush lightly tapping at the canvas.

I sat back for a moment, thinking. "Oooh, that's a good question. I think I really liked the one we took on your one day off in Rome. It was nice that even on a work trip, you made time for me."

"I will always make time for you," he stated sincerely. "And having authentic Italian food in Italy is a no brainer."

I moaned, "That pasta was to die for."

"I could gain 10 pounds just thinking about it." He jested.

"What about you? What's been your favorite date of ours?" I questioned, painting in his shirt some more.

"Hmmm, probably when we found that hidden beach out in Virginia, and we just watched the stars for hours and talked." Colby smiled at the memory.

I sighed sweetly, "You're such a sap."

"Only for you." He whispered, taking a sip of his wine.

"Are you almost done? I think I've painted your face like six times now but I feel like I'm never gonna get your eyes right." I huffed, slightly frustrated.

"Yeah, I think I'm done..." His voice trailed off, his eyes suddenly full of nerves.

"You don't sound too enthused." I remarked, watching him.

He cleared his throat, "I-I'm just nervous for you to see it. I tried really hard."

"Aw babe, that's so sweet." I commented.

His gaze met mine and he nodded, "Show me yours first, Y/N."

"Alright..." I spun the canvas around, showing him the painting. His whole face brightened, his eyes kind.

Colby pointed proudly, "Baby, that's excellent."

"You think so?" I inquired, looking back at the painting.

"Yeah! You did really good," he exclaimed. "I'm actually shocked at how much that looks like me."

"I feel like your eyes aren't quite right though." I mentioned.

He cocked his head, tracing the lines of the painting with his gaze. "The right one does look a little wonky... but at least you painted me accurately."

I laughed, "Hey now, that's not true. Your right eye is lovely."

"Thanks for the reassurance." His smile dropped, his face nervous once more. "Do you wanna see mine?"

"Of course. I bet it's amazing." I reassured him.

Colby nodded, growing quiet instantly. He looked anxious, and I politely smiled at him. He took a deep breath, grabbing the canvas and turning it over.

It wasn't a painting of me. Well, I was on it. It was the two of us as little mini figures in the corner, holding hands. The background was painted a light pink. And there were words taking up the whole canvas. I read them slowly, taking them in one by one.

Will... you... marry... me?

Will you marry me?

He... was asking me to marry him.

Colby was asking me to marry him.

Tears welled up in my eyes as it hit me, my mouth falling open as I blinked rapidly. He chuckled, getting up and walking over to me. He placed the painting in front of me on the table, taking my hand in his. From his back pocket he pulled out a small ring box and opened it. Inside was a beautiful ring, one that was clearly made for just me. It had everything I wanted in an engagement ring. The shape, the color, the cut. 

It all made sense as to why months back he had asked me about rings and what I wanted. I knew he wanted to marry me, we had talked about it for over a year at this point. But all of this felt so surprising.

His voice wavered as he spoke, tears brimming from his eyes. His hands shook against mine anxiously. His eyes remained on mine the entire time, his heart speaking for him. "Y/N, you have been the best partner I could have ever asked for. The moment I met you I knew I wanted to marry you. You are unlike anyone I've ever known before. You make me feel so secure in who I am as a man and you help me be a better one every day just by existing in my life. I have truly never felt happier, and I thank God every day for sending you my way when I needed you most. I cannot imagine spending another second without you as mine. I love you so much. Will you please marry me?"

I stared at him, the ring, and back at him again. His eyes shined with unshed tears as he waited for me to respond.

"Of course, my love. You're all I've ever wanted," I choked out, more tears falling.

He grinned, sliding the ring onto my finger and jumping to his feet. He pulled me up with him, wrapping his arms around me tightly. He squeezed me, laughing softly as I cried happy tears into his chest. Colby pulled away, looking at me with adoration, kissing my lips feverishly. I kissed him back just as much, holding his face in my hands.

I wiped my tears away, "Oh my God, I can't believe it. This is fucking insane, Colby."

"That I'd marry you or that I surprised you?" He sassed.

I chuckled, "Both honestly."

"I love you, Y/N." He murmured, resting his forehead against mine.

"I love you, Colby." We stayed like that for a moment, just breathing, until I spoke, "I have a different answer to your earlier question though."

He raised an eyebrow, "What one?"

"My favorite date. It's not the Italy one. It's this one. For sure." I rubbed his arms softly, pulling him closer to me.

Colby beamed, "This is my favorite one too."

[sugawhaaa]

Introduction⋆.°ᡣ𐭩.𖥔°

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Masterlist::

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[dallianceangel]

𝐈𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐃𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐬 💀

summary: in which happy pays you a late-night visit to your dorm room.

pairing: happy lowman x fem!reader

word count: 331.

warnings: swearing.

author's note: i found this prompt on google and decided to run with it, attempting to write without taking too many breaks. here's the result, i hope you enjoy x

💨 comments, likes and reblogs are highly appreciated 💨

After attending yet another rowdy club party, you call it a night at around 11PM.

Settling yourself underneath the covers in your dorm room, you close your eyes and immediately relax. It's not until you hear the door open and close and footsteps coming closer towards you that you open your eyes, finding your secret boyfriend standing next to the bed.

“Have you got a death wish?” you ask Happy, knowing full well what would happen if your Dad, Clay, was to find out that a fellow Son is in a relationship with his long-lost daughter.

He whispers back. “Maybe.”

You know he's not a man of many words, but you have come to understand him in ways that others don't, seeing a side to him that he's never shown to anybody else. Happy doesn't need to say a thing for you to know what he wants, you can just sense it.

“Five minutes, that's all you're getting.”

He smiles. “Thank you.”

Settling himself in his favourite place—your arms—you can't help but smile. You never thought Happy would prefer to be the little spoon, but he surprisingly does. Pressing a loving kiss to the top of his head, Happy breathes a sigh of contentment in response. If life had a pause button that could make this moment last for as long as possible, Happy would press it.

“I fucking love you, Happy Lowman.”

“I fuckin' love you, baby girl.”

Losing track of time is what the pair of you do best. Five minutes pass, and you're still spooning. Every single second that he's here is a risk, but neither of you have the courage to part ways for the night. It seems that nothing can tear you both away from each other, until something does.

“Did you just fart, Hap?”

He whispers back. “Yes.”

“It's okay, release your demons.”

You soon come to regret what you've just said, as he lets rip and ultimately leaves your room stinking to high heaven.

[chubbyreaderwriter]

A Friendly Face

Nick Jakoby x Chubby/Plus Size Reader

Imagine: Ward’s throwing a party but you’re unsure about coming… until Nick says he’s going that is.

Word count : 2.7k

Warnings: None

Masterlist

“Hey Nick!” You exclaimed, a smile growing on your face at the sight of the Orc’s presence. You worked in the armoury so you kept a record of which officers logged out which weapons and made sure inventory was always correct at the beginning and end of your shift. Since you were never outside the precinct, you weren’t obliged to wear an official police uniform, instead you were instructed to stick to business casual clothes. Today you had adorned your black jeans with an emerald green silk blouse that had the top three buttons left undone exposing the top of your chest to anyone who looked.

Nick gave you a beaming smile in return and you couldn’t help but notice the way his ears wiggled at the tips as he did so. “Hello, Miss (Y/L/ N).” You rolled your eyes at his formalness, “How many times do I have to tell you to call me (Y/N)? Now what can I do for you?” Nick pointed to the large sack he had resting over his shoulder, taking it off to gently place it on top of the counter, “I just need these logging back in please, (Y/N)” he gave you a pointed look as he said your name like you requested and you grinned enjoying the sound of your name coming from Nick.

You couldn’t help but crush on the Orc since you’d first met him, he was unlike any other guy you’d ever met before and it intrigued you. He was easily the sweetest guy in the entire precinct and after a long shift of rude entitled uniformed officers, talking to Nick was a refreshing encounter. You had never understood the prejudice against Orcs, how could someone hold a grudge over something that happened to their ancestors over two thousand years ago. It was just ridiculous. You were one of the few that wished everyone could just live in harmony.

With a small smile, you took the heavy sack and hauled it into the back, shouting through the metal gate to Nick as you started unloading the various guns and protective plates in the bag, “So Nick, got any plans tonight?” Ward was supposedly hosting a party tonight to celebrate avoiding death and whatnot but you knew it was his excuse to get as drunk as possible with the least amount of judgement. You’d received an invitation, everyone in the precinct had in fact apart from a select few but you’d been hesitant to agree to attend. You weren’t all that close to Ward, only having a few little chats here and there when he was the one to pick up the guns. Your closest friend who was invited was Terry who worked in the armoury with you but he was working tonight and therefore wouldn’t be attending.

Your decision tonight was solely based on Nick’s answer here. If he was going, you had an excuse to look your best. If he wasn’t, well what was one more night lounging in the living room watching television and ordering takeout. Nick folded his arms over his chest, “Ward’s having a get together I guess, he wants me to go but I’m not sure if it’s my kind of scene.”

You quickly set the rest of the items in place and walked back out front, leaning over the desk, resting on your forearms placing them close together, resulting in you pushing your breasts together and making your cleavage much more prominent. “Oh! You should come, I’m going and it would be nice to have a dance partner.” You flashed him a winning smile. Nick’s eyes darted all around as he tried his hardest not to stare at the exposed skin of your cleavage, “W-well perhaps I could come for a little bit, it’s not like I have anything else to do tonight.” “Great! I’ll see you there then.”

Nick looked down to hide his blush at your obvious excitement at him agreeing to come to the party. He told himself, ‘she’s just being friendly, don’t get your hopes up’. He raised his hand up as a wave goodbye and left the room, heading back to the corridor outside where Ward had been leaning against waiting for him to return so they could hand in their end of shift report. Daryl let out a sigh of relief at the sight of his partner, “Dude finally! What took you so long man?” Ward raised an eyebrow at Nick’s flustered face before smirking, “Oh I get it, you were flirting with (Y/L/N) again huh? You know she’s coming to the party tonight”

“I-I was not flirting! (Y/N) and I were merely conversing about whether or not I was coming to said party tonight.” Ward laughed, “Oh so you guys are on a first name basis now? What happened to ‘Miss (Y/L/N)’ huh?” Ward chuckled to himself as Nick only got more flustered and tried to splutter out excuses only for Ward to shut him down, “Listen I only have the patience to say this once, she likes you man so ‘Orc up’ or whatever and ask her out at the party.” Nick didn’t respond but he thought a lot about what Ward just said on his ride home. Was it possible? Could you really like him? I mean, he had always thought your conversations had a bit of a flirty and personal tone to them but he assumed you were just being friendly. He was just grateful to meet someone who didn’t immediately hate his guts based on his appearance that he didn’t want to ruin it by looking for a deeper meaning behind everything. But lately he had to admit to himself that you’d been appearing in his thoughts more than colleagues should think about each other.

_____

You huffed as you stood in front of your full length mirror in what felt like your twentieth outfit of the night. Your hands smoothed over the harsh fabric of the denim jacket before your face twisted into a scowl and you ripped your arms out of it and threw it on your bed, along with all the other clothes you’d tried on, checked yourself out in and then decided it wasn’t flattering.

Full of nerves, you chewed on your fingernail as you stared at your open closet as if the perfect outfit was going to fling itself at you and shout ‘wear me! wear me!’ You groaned and ran a hand over your face, contemplating on cancelling the whole night ahead. It had been an hour after you’d originally come out of the shower and now you were starting to feel hot from trying on all these clothes. In your eyes nothing was looking good on you and it was making you feel worse. But no. You’d already told Nick you were gonna be there, you couldn’t cancel on him like that. Really, you were just as much looking forward to seeing him dressed in something other than a police uniform.

With a deep sigh, you dug back into your closet and pulled out a pair of high waisted dark blue jeans that hugged your ass but weren’t uncomfortably tight and flared ever so slightly at the hem to give you that extra curvy silhouette. You picked out a black corset top that pushed the girls up very nicely and sucked your waist in to appear more hourglass. You made quick work of your hair and makeup as you were beginning to run out of time. You would have put more effort into it but you’d decided to spend the first hour of getting dressed picking the wrong clothes to wear and then decided on a similar combination as you would usually choose. You placed your shoes on just as your phone buzzed to let you know that your taxi had pulled up outside. Great timing.

You had to get out a couple houses down due to the street being blocked off by many cars, of which you assumed belonged to the partygoers of tonight. The music was loud to say the least, or to put it in better terms you were glad you weren’t Ward’s neighbour. You walked the short distance down the path and saw a few of the other women attending also in jeans and you immediately felt a lot better in your outfit choice. You tucked a strand of hair behind your ear as you walked past the crowded yard to get inside the house to greet the host. If there was one thing your parents taught you well, it was manners. The living room was the most crowded by far, ‘Jesus’ you thought to yourself, ‘Who knew Ward had this many friends?’ You squeezed yourself through a gap just say big enough to let you pass to enter through into the kitchen. Ward, his wife, and a few others were stood with drinks in hand, seemingly deep in conversation.

You stood straight and walked over, “Hey Ward, Sherri you look amazing, I didn’t realise it was this big of a party!” It felt awkward to shout everything over the music but they seemed to hear you fine. Sherri gave you a big smile and Ward nodded, “Glad you came, your boy isn’t here yet though so here, take a drink.” Ward handed you a plastic cup with a blue liquid inside, from the smell it was surely strong enough to calm your nerves. You felt your cheeks flush at the realisation that Ward knew about your crush on Nick or vice versa but perhaps you weren’t as discreet as you had thought. As if sensing your sudden discomfort, Sherri took your arm, “Come on, let’s dance, I love this song.” Before you could protest, your left arm was pulled forward into the crowd. You recognised a few faces and got a surprisingly large amount of ‘hi!’s, smiles, even a few hugs. It was amazing how friendly people got when they were tipsy though you doubt they’d remember that small detail of the night in the morning.

Sherri had only stuck around for a few minutes before disappearing to go back to her husband’s side not that you could blame her. You glanced around but Nick was still yet to be found. You weren’t allowed to be disappointed for long before another drink was shoved into your empty hand, this time it was pink and tasted a bit sweeter. Another twenty minutes had gone by and already the air inside was far too hot for your liking. You hunched down and began the difficult journey back out onto the front yard. You finally managed to get outside and leaned against the brick wall, sighing in relief as the cool breeze washed over your skin. Your eyes were closed so it was no surprise that you jumped from the feeling of a hand on your shoulder.

“Sorry! Didn’t mean to startle you, was just making sure you were okay” you stared back into Nick’s golden eyes. They looked even more beautiful up close. Your eyes darted over his markings, trying to trace the outline across his cheeks and forehead. You took in his outfit too, his navy blue hooded jacket and white t-shirt was a little baggy and yet it made him look even broader. Nick’s physique had always struck you as impressive and your mind wandered as you thought about what it would look like underneath the clothes. “(Y/N)?” You realised you hadn’t said anything yet, “Oh! Ye-yeah I’m fine, it was just a bit hot in there I needed some fresh air.” Your eyes lowered to the drink in his hand, “How long have you been here, I didn’t see you in there?” Nick followed your eyes to his bottle of beer, “About twenty minutes, I was going to look for you but all the scents, it was a bit much.” That was partially true, all the smells mixing together was more than a bit harsh on Nick’s sensitive Orc nose but it was also that he was incredibly nervous about seeing you. Ward telling him that you liked him had him drowning in self doubt all evening, to the point he was tempted to turn around and go home as soon as he arrived if it hadn’t been for Ward calling him to let him know that you had arrived and was looking for him. He wasn’t going to tell you that though.

Your finger circled the rim of the plastic cup in your hand as your body turned to the side to face Nick, biting your lip as you tried to think of something to say. You glanced up and saw Nick looking you up and down, an unreadable expression painted on his face. A wave of embarrassment flooded you and your arms couldn’t wrap around your waist quick enough, “Why are you looking at me like that?” You said with a light laugh, trying to disguise your insecurity, assuming Nick was judging you.

“Sorry! You just look really pretty tonight. Not that you don’t look pretty any other time, cause you don’t- I mean you do! I-I mean…” You couldn’t help but laugh at Nick fumbling over his words. You felt a lot better knowing you weren’t the only nervous one. Feeling a little brave from what little alcohol you had consumed, you pressed a finger against his lips to shut him up, “So you think I’m pretty?” You bit your lip and the way his cheeks turned a darker blue was merely delicious. Nick visibly swallowed, “I think you’re beautiful, and-and really nice too, like super nice, you’re probably the nicest woman I’ve ever met and I’ve met a lot of women. Not like that, it’s just with this job you meet a lot of people and not all of them are nice, especially humans, but you, you’ve always been nice to me.”

You couldn’t help the smile on your face, you felt a lot more at ease listening to Nick blabber on like he would always do during your little chats. It was so endearing, you loved it. Nick wore his heart on his sleeve and you thought it was positively adorable. When he noticed you hadn’t said anything once again, you were just smiling at him, he continued, “I don’t really know how to do this.”

“Do what?” You took a small step closer to him and his head dipped in shyness for a moment before raising it once again.

“Tell someone I like them.” Your cheeks were going to hurt soon with all the smiling you were doing. You giggled, “Me either, but we seem to be doing good so far.” At the mention of the word ‘we’ Nick’s eyes widened, “Really?” “Really.” Your attention was brought to his ears as they wiggled at the tips. Without thinking your hand reached up and you brushed your fingertips over his right ear. Your breath caught in your throat as Nick’s hand wrapped around your wrist, his grip gentle but firm. “Sorry, it’s just really cute when they do that.” Nick surprised you by bursting out in a laugh. At your confused expression, he explained, “That’s the first time I’ve ever been called cute.” You didn’t realise Nick was still holding onto your wrist until a pounding at the window next to you jerked you away from each other to see an inebriated Ward knocking on his living room window, his words of “Get a room!” barely audible over the music blaring out the open door. You rolled your eyes and Nick cleared his throat, “I don’t suppose you’d want to go grab a coffee sometime?”

“Why wait? I think I’ve had enough of this party to be honest.” Nick straightened up in surprise and his smile, oh his smile was just heart warming. He held his arm out for you and you happily took it, allowing him to lead you to his car at the end of the street. One of the good things about LA was that there was always somewhere open to get a coffee. As Nick’s hand rested on your thigh during the drive, you thought, perhaps you should go to parties more often.

[kiss-theggoat]

Think I’ll Keep You PT. 2

Bo Sinclair x Reader

Word Count: 3.7k

Summary: You’ve been locked under Bo’s gas station for more than a month now when you finally start to think… maybe Ambrose isn’t so bad.

Warnings: 18+, Smut, Canon Typical Violence, Stockholm Syndrome, Bo is mean and manipulative (but isn’t he just so dreamy), reader has female anatomy and is referred to as “pretty girl” a few times

The buzzing yellow lights of the gas station basement became a sound you were used to as you woke up to them every single morning. You’d graduated from being duct taped to a random chair in the middle of the room, to just being locked inside with somewhat free roam. This had become a new normal. You’d hum as you walked around the room, trying to avoid Bo’s disturbing collection of perverted Polaroid photos. Looking at them worried you, and you wondered how long he kept each of those women. How much time you had left.

Free time in the basement was spent listening to Bo’s music while he worked, muffled by the floor. Waiting for Bo to be done so he could come spend time with you, this time either consisted of three things. Option one, he’d fuck you, then leave. Option two, he’d beat you, then leave. Option three, your favorite, he’d come down and talk with you for a bit. He’d sit on the nasty mattress on the other side of the room, and you’d talk about him, his brothers, his dog. Anything really. This option sometimes led to him taking you up to take a shower or getting you a change of clothes.

Unfortunately, your behavior didn’t affect which option you got. It was all up to how Bo was feeling that particular day. At first, you hated him. You hated him and his stupid gorgeous face, his dumb basement and the way he treated you. But the longer you stayed down here, hot, bored, and lonely, the more and more you looked forward to Bo’s visits, even if they resulted in bruises and cuts. Any attention was good attention, especially from Bo.

Today was day… you’d lost count. You tried to scratch tally’s into the wall, but gave up on day 29. This was at least a week ago. All you know is that it’s been more than a month. A month is all it took for you to become attached to Bo…

You could hear him walking around above you, turning on the radio and you thought today he must be in a good mood. You could hear him humming along to the music, moving around the gas station a lot more than usual. From what you could see through the grate, the sun was shining, but it didn’t feel as hot as it had been weeks before. A beautiful day outside. You wished you could see the sun, touch the grass. Bo made you jealous when he was talking about playing fetch with Daisy, Bo’s pitbull.

You sighed softly, standing on the chair in the center to peek through the grate. The yearning you felt was unmatched. You wanted him to be down here. More so, you wanted to be up there, but with him. You wanted to help him in the gas station, play with him and his dog bathed the beautiful blue sky with the warm wind blowing through your hair. But you knew asking for this wouldn’t blow over well. You’d never asked to leave the basement, you knew it’d make him mad.

How could you get him down here, convince him that you wanted to stay here, with him. You decided to try to get his attention, despite the music blaring, you needed him to hear you. You looked around for something to get his attention. After not seeing anything to make enough noise, you got an idea. You unbuttoned the pair of Jean shorts he had given you a couple days ago, sliding them off and holding them while pushing the button up.

You slid the button up and down the grate, making a loud clattering noise that was loud enough, at least you hoped it was. You did this for a couple seconds until you finally heard the music turn down, you knew it had worked. Sliding the shorts back on your legs distracted you from the crunching footsteps as boots approached the grate.

Bo crouched over it, staring at you from outside. He looked handsome today.

“What can I do for ya, Darlin’?”

“Can I talk to you please?” You asked softly, keeping your hands down at your sides.

He chuckled. He seemed amused with your question. “Shoot.”

“Can I…come out please? I…I want to, uhm… it looks nice out today and I thought…maybe I could help you around town. Meet Daisy. Or Vincent.” You stared up at him, having to squint with how bright the sun was on your eyes, which had been accustomed to the dark lighting of the basement.

He stared down at you, way too long for your comfort. His face revealed nothing, features stoic and unmoving, until he finally spoke. “Help me around town?”

You nodded quickly. He sighed, turning his head to state off into the distance. “Listen sweetheart, there’s a lotta stuff to do today…”

“I can help, I promise. I just want to…hang out with you, I guess.”

He snorted. “Hang out?” He shook his head a little bit. “You’re a weird one. Alright, gimme a second.”

You saw him walk away, and after a few seconds, heard him coming down the stairs. Your heart could jump from your chest. Excitement coursed through your veins, your smile wouldn’t leave. The lock clicked and the knob turned, revealing Bo, looking handsome as ever.

You slowly walked forward, needing approval from him to get close to him. He reached forward and grabbed your arm. “You stick with me. Got it?”

You nodded. He held your bicep, hard, and yanked you close, whispering in your ear. “If you run, you’re as good as dead.”

Staring into his eyes, you knew he was serious. You didn’t want to run anyways, you just needed to be outside. He led you up the stairs slowly, and you squinted immediately when the sunlight hit your skin. The glowing light engulfed you. You felt direct warmth on you for the first time in weeks. A sigh of relief left you. You felt like you could cry. The breeze moved over you, and you could smell the sweet blooming trees, and thankfully none of the roadkill that Bo’s brother, Lester collects.

A smile split your cheeks. “It’s so nice today.” You said softly, turning to Bo who still had a grip on your bicep. He was staring at you, a look of surprised affection on his face. If you weren’t so focused on enjoying the outside, you’d have seen the way he watched you walk, fondness softening his eyes.

“Alright darlin’ let’s getcha cleaned up.”

An hour later, you had showered, changed into fresh clothes, and you were convinced this was heaven on earth. You felt so happy and close to Bo, being in his home during the day with him giving you the freedom to shower alone. An air of domesticity settled in the house as you walked down the stairs, where you were met with Bo finishing a beer, half of a sandwich left on his plate. He held it out to you, and you very gladly accepted it.

After your shower and lunch, you and Bo walked up to the gas station. “Okay pretty girl, I need you to clean up a bit here. I’m gonna be in the garage workin’ on Lester’s truck. That sound manageable?”

You nodded quickly, smiling at him. You immediately grabbed the cleaning supplies underneath the front counter. The supplies were old and nearly empty, but you could work with them. You began with dusting the counters and shelves, and then wiping things down with Clorox wipes. You cleaned for a while, losing track of time, only being pulled from your trance by the phone ringing.

You jumped. There was a phone in this place? You turned to see Bo answer it, his face scrunched with frustration. He spoke quietly, you couldn’t understand him, but it didn’t look good. The last thing you wanted was for him to take this out on you, so you started to clean as fast as you possibly could, sanitizing and reorganizing what was left on the rickety shelves, looking back at him every so often. The second time you looked back, he was gone. You turned back to the shelf, jumping when you noticed he was standing right next to you.

You stared up at him in fear, nervous for what he was going to say to you.

“Lester just called and let me know there’s a group comin into town.” He said in a hushed tone.

You froze. A group. Just like yours. You knew this was a scheme they had, Bo explained a little bit to you about what him and Vincent wanted from Ambrose, but seeing them plan it out this way was so eye opening. Your heart began racing, but you nodded at him.

“I need ya down in the basement until they leave. And I need ya silent.” He turned to look through the glass of the gas station. “Ah shit… okay. Stay here.”

Bo walked quickly out of the gas station, and you heard him talk, the same exact spiel he gave you. “What can I do for y’all?”

You heard another man speak. “You Bo? We need a fan belt.” You walked quickly to the window, trying to stay hidden behind a shelf. You made eye contact with one of the girls standing outside. You knew you were in trouble, you quickly ran back over to the shelf you were cleaning.

The door opened, and a group of young adults, seemingly just a bit younger than you, walked inside. You kept your eyes down on the shelf, but started to hum a song to seem more casual about being there. Bo’s voice was loud, louder than usual, and you know that he wanted you to hear what he was saying.

“I got some fan belts in the garage, don’t know if I got the size you need. If not, I got some more up at my house. Not too far away from here.”

The group didn’t answer him, instead, the guy who asked Bo for help in the first place followed him into the garage, along with a girl. Two others walked into the store part of the station, where you were currently pretending to be much busier than you actually were.

“Excuse me, miss?”

You froze. They were most definitely speaking to you. With your best and most convincing smile on, you turned around to look at them. “What can I do for you?”

“Can I use the restroom?”

You were stiff. Frozen. You couldn’t approve it and make a decision without Bo, but your adamant refusal might seem suspicious and tip them off that something was wrong.

“Sorry…out a order. Toilet’s not workin’…” you said with a smile and a shrug, putting on your best southern drawl. It sounded dramatic, but better than nothing.

“Does… any other store in town have one?”

“Not sure…I know Bo’s got a workin’ one at his place.” You said, nodding your head towards Bo and the other guy, who just received the news that Bo only had a 15 or 22 inch fan belt, not a 17. Watching the other kids walk towards Bo, you felt sorry for them. You knew exactly what was about to happen…but at the same time, you were upset at them. Angry at them for jeopardizing your time outside. This could make Bo decide he never wants to take you out again. You scowled at the group, arms crossing and body tilting to lean on one hip.

“I’m sure I got a 17 up at the house. Really, it’s not far.” Bo insisted, casually against the counter, the same counter where he had flirted with you weeks ago. The same counter where you cemented your fate here in Ambrose.

You watched the kids follow Bo sullenly, knowing what was going to happen to them. You had a feeling Bo wanted you back in the basement, but you couldn’t bring yourself to walk back down those disgusting creaky stairs, so you sat and waited for any sign of life.

You thought it’d never come. You thought Bo had killed all the kids and was too busy to come check on you, that was until around 11 pm. It was pitch black at this point, crickets chirping and cold breeze alleviating the suffocating humidity. A red handprint had shown up on your cheek from how you were leaning against your hand. You’d found an old magazine to read through, but seeing as most of this was from around ten years ago, it wasn’t the least bit interesting.

The door to the gas station swung open, hitting the wall behind it hard, nearly hard enough to break the window seated within. You nearly jumped out of your skin, stool screeching against the floor as you stood abruptly.

It was the man who had first asked about the toilet. Your entire body was stiff. What the hell were you supposed to do?

“Oh thank god! Please, please you have to help me, someone’s killing us! My friends, she’s…they’re dead…please, please do you have a phone?!” The man ran towards you, getting close enough to show you a pretty sizeable gash in his forehead, blood leaking into his right eye. You didn’t know what to do, so you decided to stall.

“Alright, calm down, tell me what happened…”

“We went to the house, the guy that took us fucking killed Rob! The lights all went out and I ran out of the house, Jessica was killed outside, please!”

He grabbed your shoulders, shaking you hard. Your heart broke for him, but you knew if you showed him the phone, Bo would kill you. He’d hate you. That was almost worse to you at this point. You looked outside the window. No sign of Bo.

“Where…where’s he now? Bo, the man that took you to the house?”

“I don’t fucking know, please just get me a phone!”

“Alright just…just sit here I’ll go get the phone.” You guided him over to your stool, watching him hesitantly take a seat and touch the wound on his forehead. He winced. You walked away, out of his sight. You were shaking, had absolutely no idea what to do, you paced and chewed on your fingernail. That was until you bumped into Bo’s workbench. Looking over at the wooden surface to a hammer sitting out in the open, almost like a sign, an answer from Bo himself.

The handle of the hammer felt rough, almost spiky in your soft palm. Soft footsteps led you back towards the poor innocent kid who was cradling his head in his hands. Once you stood on the other side of the counter, his eyes raised to meet yours, and it occurred to you how suspicious you looked, fake smile plastered on your face, hands behind your back.

He tensed up. “Where’s your phone?” He asked quietly. It was obvious at this point he didn’t trust you.

You needed to do this now, your courage was fading fast. “I’m sorry…” you mumbled. You pulled the hammer back behind your head, closed your eyes, and swung it as hard as you could. With a sickening crack and a thud, you knew that you’d just killed someone. You dropped the hammer and turned around, your heart was pounding, chest heaving, stomach churning.

“Well I’ll be damned…”

You knew that smooth voice from anywhere. You turned to see Bo, a shocked expression on his face. Thank god he was here. Without thinking of the consequences you walked to him quickly, wrapping your arms tight around his waist.

“I didn’t know what to do.” You whispered into his chest, inhaling his scent that was so uniquely him. Sweat, grease, cigarette smoke, and manly cologne. You could feel yourself calming down, and with this came the realization that he was holding you. He didn’t push you off or tell you to let go, his arms were wrapped around your shoulders, his head placed atop yours in an almost romantic embrace. Your heart skipped a beat, suddenly, he was all you could think about. Nothing else mattered.

“You did good, darlin’.”

You didn’t want to move, you hoped this would never end. Bo’s hands slowly trailed from the sides of your arms, to the center of your shoulders, down your spine to the small of your back with no intention of stopping. They hit the waistline of your shorts, where you felt deft fingers slip beneath.

“My pretty girl, hm?” His voice reverberated in his chest against your ear. You looked up at him to finally see his face close up. Sweaty, cuts on his lip and blood staining his nose. He’d never looked better. You leaned forward and kissed him, hard. Something Bo and you had never done. Bo’s had his way with you many times, but they were all cold, for his couple minutes of fun and nothing more. He’s never kissed you, held you, complimented you this much.

His hands went up your shirt, squeezing your chest tight in his rough palms. A whimper escaped your lips to find refuge in his, your needy hands tugging at the collar of his coveralls. You could feel the cocky smirk he wore as he muttered, “Patience, sweetheart.”

Patience? You felt like you’ve been “patient” for the last month. Screw patience. One hand moved lower, palming his growing bulge through the thick material. A small, heavenly groan left him, but you were distracted by your shirt being yanked over your head. Your bare chest was on display, and though this has happened time and time before, you felt nervous this time. Like this was the time that really counted. You decided that to you, this was your first time sleeping with Bo. That made you happier.

Strong hands slid over the backs of your thighs down to your knees, you squealed as your feet left the ground. Bo heaved you up, your legs tight around his waist and his hands on your ass the entire time he carried you to the counter. The second he sat you down, he was unbuttoning your shorts, pulling them down all the way over your shoes, which he didn’t bother to take off.

It felt like a match sparked as he slammed his lips against yours again. He unzipped the front of his coveralls as he distracted you, letting them fall to his waist. He wore only a sweaty, bloody white t-shirt and a pair of boxers beneath. He decided taking everything off would be too much time wasted, so he grabbed the waistline of your underwear, pulled them off your legs, then pushed his own over his thighs, just enough. You wanted to see more of him, but figured that'd come in due time.

Almost without warning, Bo was pushing himself into you. Even though you were accustomed to his size, it still burned whenever he decided to fuck you. This time you were more prepared though, making the initial sting less intense. Your legs were wrapped around his waist, feet hooked around his hips. He leaned over you, pushing completely inside you.

“That’s it, darlin…” he groaned, head leaning back. You thought you might melt, the way he spoke to you, the way his veins flexed whenever he grabbed onto your hand, the way his neck muscles tensed while he talked. Everything about him to you was perfect.

Your coherent thoughts were quickly overrun by overwhelming pleasure, Bo thrusting at a slow and steady pace, something he doesn’t usually do. He was fucking you different, and you had never been more thankful for anything in your entire life. This was the best you’ve felt all month. Scratch that, at this point, you can’t remember feeling such a sense of pride and accomplishment ever, even before you stumbled upon Ambrose.

Bo captured your lips in a needy kiss and you could taste the warm blood from his small cuts there. You didn’t mind. Your trembling hands came up to cup his face, holding him as close to your body as physically possible. Loud moans forced you to separate, but you rested your forehead against his, feeling each jagged breath and bead of sweat. His eyes were closed, and from the looks of it, he was close. You knew you were too, you could feel it in your stomach and your legs and your chest. Your entire body was on fire and Bo was to blame.

He held onto your hand, face scrunched in pleasure and voice raising a few octaves, forehead still flush with yours.

“Bo…” you moaned, “I’m gonna cum.” The sentence barely left your lips, your brain felt like a bowl of melted goo.

He groaned out a response, and your chest swelled with pride knowing you made him feel like this. “Cum for me pretty girl,” he moaned, a slight whine present in his voice.

That was all you needed. With a scream, you came, trying as hard as you could to keep your eyes open to focus on Bo as he came. He grabbed your hips tight, thrusting hard one last time as he came inside you.

His head rested against your shoulder, and you panted to catch your breath, legs dangling uselessly off of the counter. You held onto him for dear life, fingers anchored in the skin of his back. You didn’t want him just to leave, ruin the moment, validate your fear that you were crazy and this time wasn’t different, you just thought it was.

You tensed when you felt him kiss the side of your neck. He was still holding onto you, bodies pressed against each other.

“I was right y’ know…” he said softly.

You responded, “hm?”

“About someone like you livin’ here. Makes Ambrose a little bit better.”

Your heart could melt. Bo was hard on you, and some days, all you could think about was your parents, who were probably worried sick looking for you. But, if this is what life could be like here in Ambrose, you weren’t sure you ever wanted to leave.

A/N: I wasn’t really sure where to go with this one but I actually really like it! Feel free to leave comments or suggestions for new stories, I need some ideas :)

[absurdthirst]

New Year, New Life {Javier Peña x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 17.7k

Warnings: Protected sex, finger, vaginal sex, oral sex (female receiving), unexpected pregnancy, mentions of abortion, childbirth, mentions of breastfeeding, angst, coparenting. unrequited feelings, Dad!Javi comes with his own warning.

Comments: When Javier Peña runs away from the wedding to Lorraine, he ends up at your house and your bed. One night with him resulting in an unexpected pregnancy, making both of you decide to co-parent while Javi is in Colombia.

A/N: Happy New Years!!!!!

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

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Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

“Come in Peña.” You say over the dispatch radio in your office. “Peña” comes his reply and you smile, “slow night, huh?” You chuckle. 

He grins, sitting in his car as he watches the cars pass by on the highway. “Always. Laredo is boring as shit.” 

You chuckle at his bored tone, “sounds like you need some action.” You fluster as you realize your words. Javier Peña is off limits, he’s with Lorraine. Engaged to Lorraine. Marrying Lorraine next week. You clear your throat, “I mean. It’s too quiet.” You look over at the board, “I have coffee and donuts for when you’re back.”

Javi rolls his eyes, grinning even as he’s pressing the button on his radio. “Donuts?” He huffs playfully. “Whadya think? I’m that pendejo Rodriguez?” He jokes, knowing that the entire department knows of his disdain for the portly detective who never managed to collar any of the runners that seem to be growing in numbers from across the border.

You giggle, shaking your head, and you know Javier thinks Rodríguez is an idiot. Letting go those drug mules that cross the border because “it’s not his department. That’s the DEA’s bullshit, not ours.” You push your button, “no. Just figured you’d want something sweet after being out all night. Although I’m sure Lorraine has your breakfast ready for you when you get home.” You release the button, trying to not let yourself think about Javi and Lorraine. She’s gorgeous and you’re…not his type. Never will be. He’s going to be a married man.

Javi winces, thinking about how angry Lorraine had been with him before he had left for work tonight. Once again arguing about how he should leave the sheriff’s department and join her father’s business, but he has zero interest in being a ‘businessman’. Javier Peña enjoyed bringing in the criminals, making them pay for hurting others. “Ehhhh, probably not.” He drawls. “I’ll be lucky if she lets me sleep on the couch when I get home.” 

You wince, “ouch. Doesn’t sound like marital bliss.” You shake your head, cursing yourself for your comment, “I mean - all couples have spats. Anyway. I have a donut here for you if you want it.” You release the button, knowing that Javier will likely head straight home like he always does, not stopping for long since he has to get home to his fiancée. You know it’s wrong to have a crush on a taken man, but these nightly talks just deepen your crush on him.

“Nah, I’ll stop by.” He promises, looking at another car passing by. “I’ll be there in about twenty minutes if you want to make a fresh pot of that sludge the sheriff likes.” He chuckles, knowing how much you rolled your eyes and kept a stash of ‘good’ coffee in your desk drawer for overnights. He likes talking to you and maybe he can get some insight into how to keep Lorraine happy. It seems like it’s getting more and more difficult as the wedding approaches. He feels like it’s just stress, but he finds himself wishing the entire thing would just be over with, although he doesn’t quite see himself settled into domestic bliss with her. A guilty feeling he pushes off and tries to ignore. 

“Sure thing. See you soon. Over and out.” You tell him, releasing the button and you grab the good coffee from your drawer. Javier is just a friend, he’s getting married next week. You need to get over your crush on him, it’s not right. 

****

It’s Javier’s wedding day, most of the station is in attendance except you. Sure, you got an invite but you decided to volunteer for the shift, not wanting to have to watch Javi marry the beautiful Lorraine. It’s nearly three in the afternoon so Javi should be married by now. You sigh and grab your coat, deciding to head home now your replacement is here for the night shift. When you arrive at your house, a suited up Javi is pacing on your porch. “Javi? What are you doing here?” You frown after you kill the engine and step out of the car.

“Hey.” Javi has stripped down to his tuxedo shirt and his pants, the tie, vest and jacket in his truck. “I-uh, I just- do you mind if we go inside?” He’s jittery and full of doubts and conflicting emotions but he knows he didn’t want to go to the church. It’s too late by now anyway, Lorraine has been stood up. He watches you hustle up the walkway and sighs in relief. “I just- I was driving to the church.” The cigarette in his mouth bobbles as he talks, the ash long and nearly falling off. “But then I just drove past and made a loop back here.”

You don’t answer, confused by his disheveled look and the fact that he’s not at the altar getting married. You unlock your front door, sensing him following you inside and he politely snubs out his smoke before entering your home. “I - why aren’t you married?” You ask, addressing the elephant in the room as Javi shuts the door behind him.

“I don’t want to marry her.” Javi admits it out loud for the first time since he had asked Lorraine to marry him. He had felt pressured, and the scare about the baby that turned out to be a false positive made him think that he had to do the right thing. Except, right before the last second, he had changed his mind. “I don’t want to marry Lorraine.”

You stare at him for a moment, shocked at his confession, and you can see that it’s a weight off of his chest. The relief in his eyes is evident and you don’t waste a moment stepping forward and wrapping your arms around his waist. “That’s okay. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.” You promise, wanting to be there for him, to show him how much you care.

Javi has never touched you, beyond your elbow or arm when he’s walking you out to your car at night. He never let himself, ignoring his attraction to you because it’s a small fucking town and he was with Lorraine. He’s an asshole, but he doesn’t cheat, his pop would bury him where no one would find his body if he found out Javier Peña ran around on his girl. Now though…..he’s free to do what he wants.

When he doesn’t respond, you pull back, swallowing harshly. “I, uh, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have - I know it’s - shit. I’m sorry Javi. I’ll, uh, I’ll go make some coffee.” Your cheeks are on fire, your heart pounding and you feel sick with awkwardness as you turn towards your kitchen, desperate to get away from the disaster you created.

Javi follows you, watching the nervous way you get everything set up. It’s calming for him, watching you make the coffee, something he can rely on. It’s going to be a shit storm over the next few weeks, but luckily he won’t be here. “I- I resigned from the sheriff’s department.” He admits, making you freeze and whip your head around to look at him. “Yesterday. I-“ he shuffles slightly. “I got accepted into the DEA.”

You stare at him in surprise, shocked at the sudden decision but then you think about the times Javi has talked about wanting to do more, to stop the drugs crossing the border. He’s been to too many OD calls for one lifetime. He has always mentioned wanting to change things. “Oh wow. That’s, uh, that’s amazing. Don’t you - you have to go to the academy?” He nods and you mimic him, “when do you leave?” Your heart breaks but you know he is following his own.

“I am supposed to go in a week, give me time for the honeymoon.” Javi shuffles, remembering the argument with Lorraine about that. She somehow thought they were supposed to have a month of not doing anything but fucking. Which, Javi would never turn down, but he was excited to go to the academy. “But I think I might just go early. Get out of town and avoid the drama.”

You nod in understanding, “I get that. Get away from the looks. I - I hope you are happy there. Of course, I’m going to miss you. Miss our talks. Rodriguez just isn’t that same.” That makes Javi chuckle and you turn on the coffee machine in your kitchen, the whirling noise indicating it’s working. “I’m going to miss you.” You tell him with a soft smile.

He’s good at reading people. It’s a skill that he’s used before Lorraine and reading your body language, he takes a step closer to you. Stepping into your space and watching the way your pupils change, dilating. “I’m going to miss you too.” He admits, slowly reaching for you. It’s not wrong, he’s not with Lorraine and he needs to distract him and touch you. No, he’s wanted to touch you, and now he can.

When his hands grip your waist, your breathing stops and your heart pounds. When his head leans in towards yours, you’re certain your heart is going to stop. When his lips meet yours, you’re certain you’ve died. Freezing for a moment, you are shocked at the kiss, until you remember that this is the first and last chance you’ll ever have to kiss Javier Peña. You respond to the kiss, tangling your fingers in his hair to pull him even closer.

Once you don’t push him away, Javi groans. His tongue slides into your mouth and his kisses turn hungry. Devouring your mouth and pulling you closer. Hands move from your waist to grip your ass firmly while he moves you both against the counter.

You whimper into the kiss, unable to stop yourself and you gasp when his tongue slides along your lower lip. You eagerly allow him access and he grabs the back of your thighs, lifting you up onto the counter. Your heart pounds and you slide your hands down his back, tugging on his tucked in dress shirt as you are desperate to touch more of him.

Javi loves sex. Loves the taste and feel of a woman. Losing himself in their soft body and their moans taking over every thought in his head. Your fingers on his skin makes him groan into your mouth, his own eager hands trying to get under your clothes as quickly as possible so he can finally feel you.

You gasp when he kisses along your neck. His hands dragging your shirt over your head and you let him, exposing your lace bra and you whine his name when his lips kiss along your cleavage. You know this is wrong, he’s just stood his bride up at the altar but you can’t stop, this need you’ve had for him finally coming out.

His teeth scrap along your skin and he kisses down the lacy front so he can suck on your nipple through the fabric. Loving how you are whining and tugging on his hair. He hisses and just sucks harder, working it into a hard nub and grinning up at you when you look down at him.

You moan at the way his teeth nips at your flesh and you run your fingers through his hair. “Fuck Javi.” You moan, tilting your head back and you hiss when you hit it on the cupboard behind. 

“Shit. You okay?” Javi asks after pulling back from your breast. 

“Yes. I- bedroom?” You ask, wondering if he wants more.

His eyes flash and he nods, pulling back and helping you down from the counter. “Lead the way, baby.” He doesn’t know where your room is and he doesn’t want to push you but if you want him in your bed, he will be there. “Better than the counter. More room to touch you.”

You take his hand, knowing you can never come back from this. He’s leaving but you know this one night will be all he can ever give you. You’ll take it, you want him enough to take it. You guide him to your bedroom, opening the door with your free hand and you flick on the light switch as you enter. You turn to look at him, reaching up to unbutton that white dress shirt.

You are in your bra and jeans, looking beautiful and Javi’s eyes flutter slightly as your fingers brush over his skin. It’s wrong to sleep with you and leave the next day, but he needs to touch you. His fingers hook into your jeans and underwear to start to pull them down, wanting to see how wet you are.

You step out of your jeans, reaching behind you to unhook your bra, and you stand in front of him, nude and vulnerable while he’s almost fully dressed. You lean in to kiss his jaw, pushing the shirt off of his shoulders, eager to feel more of him.

“Jesus.” Javi hisses, hands caressing your hips and squeezing your ass. His cock is throbbing in his tuxedo trousers and he needs to be inside you. Letting go of your ass, he starts to fumble with his belt. “Always wanted you.” He confesses, ripping the belt open and working on the hook in the waistband.

Javi tosses the belt to the floor and you can’t help but reach out to squeeze him through his pants. “Fuck Javi. I need you to touch me.” You plead, “I need you to fuck me.” You request with a whine, unbuttoning his pants.

There’s a satisfied smirk on his face as he reaches out and cups your tits. “Going to.” He promises. “Fuck, been so long since I’ve…” he breaks off, not wanting to talk about Lorraine, not right now. It’s been a long time since he’s been with someone other than his ex fiancée and takes over the second that you have his pants open, pushing them down and kicking them off while back you up to the bed.

You shuffle back onto the bed, sitting up on your elbows to watch him as he strips off, kicking off his polished shoes, and you swallow harshly at his hard cock. “Fuck.” You gasp under your breath, shifting onto your knees to take him into your mouth for just a moment until he’s pushing you away. 

“Lay down.” He orders and you nod but pout, shifting to lay back down on the bed.

He has to pick up his pants again, reaching for his wallet to pull out the condom he keeps there. He’s only been with Lorraine for a long time, but he wants to keep you safe. “Fuck, look at you.” He growls, ripping open the foil with his teeth so he can roll the rubber down his stiff length.

You spread your legs for him, biting your lip as he shuffles closer, and when he notches his cock at your entrance after swiping the covered head through your folds, you whimper his name. “Please.” You beg, tired of him teasing you, and when he finally pushes into you, your head lolls on the pillow, eyes closing as your mouth falls open at the stretch.

Javi’s jaw drops, groaning as he pushes through your walls. Feeling how tight you are squeezing around him as he fills you until the coarse hairs at the base of his cock are grinding against your soaked folds. “Fuck.” He hisses, leaning down and kissing you while he takes a moment. Both to give you time to adjust to hun and to allow him to relax, not wanting to blow his load too quickly.

You caress his back, just enjoying how he feels inside of you, filling you up and stretching you out. “God, you feel so good.” You murmur, realizing he hasn’t even moved yet. You reach down to squeeze his ass, silently encouraging him to move, while his lips kiss along your neck.

Groaning, he starts to slowly rock into you. Savoring this since he knows he will be leaving tomorrow. It's for the best. To break free and let people talk about how he had jilted Lorraine. Plus he doesn't want anyone to bother you and he knows that he won't be able to stay away from you if he's in town. Not when he now knows how you feel. "Fuck, this is- you are- fuck." He hisses, gritting his teeth.

You sigh as he sets an unhurried place, slowly rocking into you, and you whimper when he pushes deep. “Oh God. Javi.” You whimper, lifting your legs onto his hips to send him even deeper inside of you. You rock up to meet his thrusts, gasps and moans escaping your lips.

He can't stop kissing along your neck and shoulders. His mustache brushes over every inch of skin as his lips trail along with it. Covering your body with his lips and learning what makes you sigh and moan when he pushes his hips slightly harder or nips at your pulse. It's enough to make him forget about everything from the last few hours, concentrating on making you feel good and the way your hips start to rock up in addition to his.

You moan, “oh God. Javi. So - always wanted you. Just - you were engaged. Didn’t want - I didn’t want to - I’m not that kind of woman. Fuck baby.” You moan when he pushes deep inside of you, hitting just the right spot and the combination of his cock hitting you just right along with his like kissing along your neck. It sends you over the edge and you cry out his name.

“Fuuuuuck.” Javi growls, rocking his hips to work you through it, but he’s pulling out of your body just as soon as you are done cumming. You whimper and reach for him, but he’s already moving. Kissing and biting down your body before he is kneeling between your thighs, his hand squeezing his condom covered cock while he ducks his head and licks your cunt.

“Oh shit!” You squeal when his tongue slides through your folds, flicking your clit until he sucks it between his lips. Your hand finds his hair and you tug on it, pushing him deeper into your pussy. “Yes Javi. Oh shit.” You’re overstimulated but you’re pushed into your next orgasm, thighs shaking as he licks and sucks until you are pushed over the edge.

His mouth gentles but he keeps licking. Slowly letting his tongue slide over your swollen clit and down to dip into your entrance and gather the slick you are leaking with a satisfied hum. Taking his time and only when he’s ready and his mouth is soaked in you does he start kissing back up your body. He had been slowly jerking his cock so he is still ready to push back inside you.

Your head spins with pleasure as he pushes back inside of you, your moan echoes in your bedroom and you grip his upper arms, looking at him and the way his jaw clenches with concentration. “I want you to cum for me baby but I never want this to end.” You admit with a whimper, lifting your head so you can nip his jaw.

“So good.” Javi moans in your ear, panting as he rocks into you again and again. Instead of bracing his weight on his arms, he tucks them under you, pulling you close and burying his nose against your throat. “Fuck baby, you’re perfect.”

You wrap your arms around him, keeping him close, and his hips rock into you. You hook your ankles together behind his back, and you couldn’t get closer to him. “Fuck baby. It’s so good. You’re so good. Perfect.” You echo his prior words, his cock pushing deep and you pant when he hits something that makes you cry out.

“Shit.” He hisses, loving how tight you squeeze him. He doesn’t know if you are faking it or if you are just that responsive to him, but he loves it. Turning his head, he kisses you. His mouth slanting over yours while his hips snap harder, pushing towards his own release.

“Cum for me.” You beg breathlessly, your cunt fluttering around his cock as he keeps hitting that spot and within a few thrusts, you’re sent over the edge again. “Fuck!” You choke, “cu-cum for me. Cum for me. Please baby.” You plead, body shaking underneath him.

Jaw clenched and eyes squeezed shut, Javi starts to cum. Gasping and immediately starting to bite along your jaw, he pours himself into the condom with filthy groans and stuttered thrusts before he pushes deep.

You moan, stroking his back as he rocks himself through his high. You kiss along his neck, relaxing back into the mattress, and you caress his skin. “So good.” You murmur, closing your eyes.

Humming agreement, he can’t help but lay there for another moment. Closing his eyes and sighing before he shuffles his hips up so he can reach between you and hold the base of the condom as he slips out of you. Stumbling out of the bed, he walks out of the room to dispose of it in your bathroom.

You sit up, watching him as he strides back into your bedroom with a rag. You smile, shyly spreading your legs as you wait for him to clean you up. “Thank you baby.” You murmur, watching him and you close your legs and shift to settle against the pillows. “So…when do you leave for the DEA?”

Javi’s fingers itch for a cigarette but he doesn’t reach for his pack. Sighing softly, he picks up his tuxedo trousers and shoves his legs into them without any underwear on. He’ll have to go outside to smoke and he can’t do that naked. Leaving them unzipped, he sits down on the side of the bed and reaches over to caress your side, sliding his hand down your leg as he chews on his lip. “I was thinking about leaving tomorrow.” He admits quietly. “Get there early.”

You nod, watching him as he caresses your leg. “Yeah? Well, I, um, guess I should wish you good luck. You gonna be coming back to Laredo?” You ask and he shakes his head, “if I do a good job, I’ll be assigned somewhere. Dunno where yet.” 

You reach up to cup his cheek, “you’re gonna be amazing, baby. Go smoke. I know you want to. I’ll get cleaned up and we can say our goodbyes.” You know that he won’t stay, this was one night. Only one night. He’s leaving and you need to be happy for the one night you had with him.

“Kicking me out already?” Javi lifts a brow at you, surprised that you aren’t trying to get him to spend the night. Although he knows you might not want his truck seen in front of your place. “I get it. That way you don’t have Lorraine on your ass.”

You sit up, covering yourself with your blanket, “it’s not that. It’s just - this is a one time thing. I don’t want to keep you from your plans. We aren’t together. We aren’t in love.” You lie a little there, pretty sure you love Javier but you’ll keep that to yourself. He deserves to get out of Laredo and achieve his dreams without you holding him back. “Besides, I’m sure you wanna go see your dad.”

Staring at you for a moment, Javi nods. It hurts to hear that you don’t care about him a little but he can’t be an asshole and pretend he wants to create a life here with you. “Agreed.” He murmurs softly, reaching out and cupping your cheek. “But I’ll call you from Washington.” He promises, smiling slightly before he leans in and presses his lips to your gently.

You smile, nodding as he pulls back, “you better Peña.” He winks at you as he shrugs on his shirt, buttoning it up, and you make your way over to the bathroom to grab the robe you keep on the back of the door. When Javi puts his shoes on, you follow you out of the bedroom. You cup his cheeks, allowing yourself one more kiss as he stands by the front door. “Be happy Javi.” You murmur, caressing his neck. 

He hums, “I’ll try, sweetheart. You do the same.” He kisses your forehead, “I’ll call you.” With that promise, he opens the front door and he’s walking down the path. When he’s gone, you allow yourself one night to cry over what you nearly had. 

****

The phone keeps ringing and ringing, the tone in your ear is different from the U.S but you need to speak to him. You’ve gone through multiple security questions at the embassy to get hold of Peña and finally you’re waiting for him to pick up the phone.

Javi glares at the phone, cigarette hanging from his lips and he contemplates not answering it at all, but it could be a lead. He’s been thrown in the deep end in Colombia and struggling to stay afloat and figure out how to catch this bastard. Huffing, he stops his typing and snatches up the receiver. “Peña.” He grunts, starting to peck away at the report again as he tucks the phone into his shoulder.

You sigh in relief when he answers, leaning against your kitchen wall. “Javi. It’s me.” You announce and hear him suck in a breath. It’s been three months since he left your house and you have missed him every day. Especially during the night shifts and at night when you think about him while in your bed alone. He says your name and it makes you swallow harshly. 

“What’s up?” He asks, confused about why you’re calling him. He’s called a couple of times since he left to check in on his pops and the town climate after he stood up Lorraine at the altar but you don’t talk unless he calls you. 

“I, uh, I have some news. I - fuck. I really don’t want to tell you this over the phone but, um, I’m pregnant. It’s yours.” You manage to blurt out.

Javi freezes for a moment, mind blank to everything but the news that you are pregnant. “Javi? Are you there?” You ask, the line is silent for so long you think the call has been lost. 

“What? Yeah, uh, shit-“ Javi sinks back into his chair, reports forgotten and he stares at the cord stretching out between the receiver and the base. “Pregnant? I- fuck, I’m sorry.” He shakes his head slightly and wonders if the condom had broken. He hadn’t thought so but he also hadn’t been paying attention. “Are you- I’m assuming you're not going to-“ He knows that it’s becoming more common, but it’s still kind of shocking to think about abortions.

“I’m so sorry. I wasn’t on birth control and I thought the condom was enough and I wasn’t ovulating so I - shit. I, uh, I’ve known for a couple of days. Kind of wanted to think about it and figure out what I wanted. I want the baby. I'm going to keep it. You don’t - I don’t - I'm not asking you to be involved. You don’t have to be the father or come back here. I’ll be okay. My mom and dad are a few streets away and I know I can do this alone. I just wanted you to know.”

“Fuck that.” Javi instantly leans forward and shakes his head even though you can’t see him. Reaching for a pack of cigarettes to pull out another one, needing the extra nicotine. “No- I’m not going to- I’ll send you money, okay? For the baby.” He wants to make sure that you know he’s not asking for an abortion. “Not for- that.”

You close your eyes, “okay. I understand. I don’t want you to feel obligated. I know you went there for a new start and I’m not dragging you back to Laredo. I can do this alone and if you want…if you want, I can keep you updated. Just how I’m doing.”

Javi sighs, taking a drag from his cigarette and pinching his brow as he thinks. You sound disappointed, but he can’t go back right now. “I- keep me updated.” He tells you. “I’ll get- when the baby is due, I’ll come back to be there when you have it.” He decides suddenly, thinking about when that would be. It should be around Christmas if his math is right. “Is that okay? I- I want to be involved but I can’t- you can’t come to Colombia. It’s too dangerous here.”

“It’s okay Javi. It was one night - hell, one hour - together. Let’s make an agreement. We will coparent. I’ll keep you posted and we can figure out what to do but I want my baby to have a daddy, just - we will figure it out.” You tell him, placing your hand in your lower stomach. “I’m sure we don’t need the scandal either but I’m sure you want to tell your dad.”

“Yeah.” Javi agrees, taking another drag of his cigarette and blowing out the smoke. “You can go to pop if you need anything. What you tell everyone else…that’s up to you.” He doesn’t care, he doesn’t live in Laredo and you do. “But I’ll send you money and whatever else you need.” Javi might be considered an asshole but he’s a man who takes care of those that deserve it. He helped create this kid, and he’s going to take care of it. “I’ll try to come back in a couple of months, but when the baby comes for sure.”

You smile against the phone, knowing that he’s a good man despite him thinking he isn’t. You miss him but you never want to be the reason he resents coming back to Laredo. You’ll be fine with the baby. “Okay. I’ll keep you posted. Javi?” You ask softly and he murmurs, “yeah?” You bite your lip, “I miss you.” You tell him and hang up the phone, knowing you need to start making plans.

Javi stares at the phone for too long after you hang up. At least until the blaring of the tone jolts him out of his stupor. He huffs to himself and clicks the line to make another call, dialing a number from memory. One he’s known for his entire life and when the phone is picked up, Javi speaks. “Hey pop.”

“Javi, mijo. How are you? Everything okay?” Chucho asks his son. It’s unusual to get a call from his son unless it’s a special occasion or something bad has happened. He knows something is wrong, knows his son like the back of his own hand.

“Yeah, pop, everything’s- everything’s good.” He’s nervous, but he’s not freaking out about a baby like he expected to be. Maybe he hadn’t really let it sink in. Although it’s happened. “I’ve got to tell you something.” Javi confesses and mentions your name. “I went over to her house when I didn’t show up at the church and well….she’s pregnant, pop.”

Chucho taps his fingers on the table, “oh mijo. You- what have you done?” Chucho always knew this day would come. Ever since he gave Javier ‘the talk’ at fourteen and found out his son was already having sex. 

“Pop.” Javi sighs, rubbing his forehead at the disappointed tone in his papa’s voice. “I- I wore a condom. It broke, I guess I - shit. She wants to keep it and I- I can’t leave here but I need to do the right thing.” 

Chucho bites his lip, “what does she want?” Javi tells his dad about your plan to coparent. “Well, do you want to come back from Colombia?” Chucho asks Javi the million dollar question.

“No.” Javi is torn but he knows he needs to stay. “I’ve got to- Escobar- I can’t-“ Javi sighs. “I told her I want to come back. When the baby is born. And I do. But I can’t risk her here. There’s prices on our heads, pop. What would they do to a DEA agent’s family?” Kiki Camarena’s death wasn’t too long ago and while the DEA made a statement with their handling of it, he couldn’t risk his child. He shudders thinking of it. “I need to do this, pop.”

“Then you stay there and do as much as you can so you can get home to your child. I’ll look out for her, for them. She’s a strong girl. She can do this and you can support her as much as you possibly can. I will make sure she’s okay. Just get that bastard and come home when the baby is born.” Chucho orders his son who sighs down the phone. 

“I love you pop.” 

Chucho smiles, “love you too mijo.” After the line dies, Chucho sets the phone down. “Mierda.” Chucho sighs, rubbing his forehead and he looks up at the ceiling, “Maria. Your son…” He trails off with a snort.

****

“How did the appointment go?” Javi asks as soon as you pick up the phone. True to your word, you had let him know about your doctor’s appointment and today was a big one. He had been counting down the hours until you would be home from work. His home phone is hooked on his shoulder and he leans back on the sofa. The girl he had fucked, a prostitute named Helena, had left earlier and blows smoke up into the air guiltily. 

You smile, rubbing your belly, now showing and you are already so in love with the baby in your belly. “It went well. Doctor said everything looks good. Gave me a shit ton of vitamins to take. I’m about four months along. Just starting to get a little bump. Morning sickness is a bitch. How are you?” You ask him, wondering what he’s been up to since you last spoke.

“I’m fine.” Javi tells you, although he’s not really. He’s chain smoking and drinking his weight in whiskey most days in order to be able to sleep for a little while. “It’s harder to get this son of a bitch than I thought.” He admits with a huff.

You bite your lip, knowing that Javier is struggling to get leads but you hope you can be a bit of light in the constant darkness he’s living in. “You’ll get him. Hey, maybe you’ll get him before the bean arrives.” You try to think positively, “I got the money. It’s too much Javi.”

“Shut up.” Javi huffs at you, rolling his eyes. “You need the money more than I do. The price of baby shit is insane.” He had cringed when he had seen the prices in the catalog he had ordered secretly, just to see what all they had for a baby. “How are you feeling? You said morning sickness. Like a hangover every morning?”

“Nausea like you wouldn’t believe. I’ve had to keep a trash can beside me at work. Thankfully, because it’s Night Shift, no one really questions me since no one is around but…I gotta start telling people soon, Jav. I saw Lorraine at the grocery store the other day. She looked…okay. She was with a guy. Maybe she’s dating. Do you want me to tell people you’re the father? We can keep it a secret.”

Javi thinks about it for a moment before he hums. “I want to leave that up to you.” He admits, feeling like it should be your call. “You know that it’s going to be rough if you tell them, and you’re the one who has to live with them.” He sighs. “But I’m not thinking about hiding myself from being involved. I want to be in the kid’s life.”

You hum, shifting the phone against your ear, “let’s leave it until it’s obvious that I’m showing. There’s going to be questions no matter what so let’s leave it for now. I’m not ashamed of you, of what we did, but people will put two and two together and realize we got pregnant when you ditched Lorraine.” You wince at the impending scandal but it’s unavoidable. “I just want to enjoy my pregnancy for a while longer before people start putting the scarlet letter on me.”

“It’s your decision, baby.” The endearment slipped out and Javi doesn’t even notice it. You’re the mother of his future child after all. “When will you find out what you're having?” He couldn’t exactly ask the women in the typing pool. It was better no one knew about you and the baby.

Your heart thumps at the endearment hur you shake your head, reminding yourself that you don’t have Javi, he is in Colombia. “My next appointment. Next month. 20 week scan.” You tell him, excited to find out too. “What do you want? Boy or girl?” You ask, curious about what Javier wants. You know you would love a girl but either way, you’re going to adore this baby.

“Honestly?” Javi chuckles to himself and his shoulders relax. Something about talking to you is soothing. Even if he should be nervous about a baby. “As long as it’s healthy, I don’t care. Boy or girl.” He means that. Most men would be praying for a boy, but all he wants is a healthy baby and a safe delivery. “How about you?”

You smile against the receiver, “healthy is most important and I’ll adore them no matter what but…I kind of want a girl.” You confess, “just…it’s almost like I can see her. Your hair. My eyes. My feistiness and your stubbornness.” You sigh softly. 

Javi smiles, imagining a little girl like you’ve described, “your nose hopefully.” 

You scoff, “I like your nose. It’s…regal.” You tell him and it’s his turn to scoff. “Oh shit. I gotta go babe. Your dad is expecting me. Wants me to pick out a stroller tonight in the catalog and he wants to pay. I’ve tried to argue but he won’t have it. Your dad is as stubborn as you. I’ll call you soon.” You promise as you hang up, glancing at the clock and you are going to the Peña house for dinner with Chucho tonight.

****

Javi shouldn’t feel guilty, but he does. He’s slept with a bunch of different women since he’s been here, paying them for information on the other men they are fucking. Sicarios like the brothels and he’s picked up a few different leads. The phone rings and he presses the money into Vanessa’s hand and hurries to pick up the phone. “Hey.” You’re the only one who really calls his apartment, so he knows it’s you. The other woman opens the door and leaves quietly, letting him turn back towards the phone and towards you. 

“Hey. Just checking in. Went for the scan today. Baby girl is doing just fine and should be here between Christmas and New Year. Not long now.” Thanksgiving had just passed and you spent it with Chucho and your own family. You’d decided to keep your baby’s paternity secret, avoiding the question as much as possible from strangers as you didn’t want your little girl to be branded a bastard, the child of a cheater. You’ve seen Lorraine around but she mostly avoids you, no doubt still stung by Javier’s rejection.

“Yeah? She’s doing good?” Javi turns to watch Vanessa walk out the door, making sure she’s left before he pulls the last scan you had sent him out from between the pages of War and Peace so he can look at it. No one here knows, not even the ambassador -  though she’s pissed about him going to Texas over the holidays. “I’ve booked my ticket home, gonna get there about two days before Christmas and staying for a month.” He tells you. “How are you doing? Sleeping alright?”

“She’s kicking constantly. Using my bladder as a damn trampoline. The nursery is set up. Our dads painted it pink and put the crib together. I’ve been nesting like crazy. Oh and the damn cravings. I’ve had to go out at night to get that ice cream I’m obsessed with.” You chuckle, rubbing your belly and smiling when your daughter kicks against your hand.

He imagines it all, you waddling into a store to get ice cream, puttering around your little house and getting ready for the baby. A pang of regret flashes through him at not going home, but he tries to squash it. He’s needed here. Escobar just attacked a shopping mall while taking out a lawyer a few months ago. The pictures of the innocent victims, including two little girls and a pregnant mother, that was why he was here. “Good. Did you get the money for this month?” He asks, knowing that things will be tighter for you depending on how long you are out of work following having the baby. He feels like six weeks isn’t enough for something this life changing.

“Yes. You sent too much.” You reprimand him despite knowing that he won’t care, he promised to look after you both. 

“Hush.” He shakes his head, flicking his smoke in the ashtray after taking a drag. 

“How are things there? Any progress on getting the bastard?” You ask, a little eager to know. Ever since you found out you’re having a girl, you have secretly wanted Javier to come back, to be a father to your baby despite you just coparenting.

“I’ve got a couple of leads, but they aren’t solid.” Javi murmurs into the phone. The lines for his apartment aren’t being monitored but he doesn’t tell you too much, not wanting to give you nightmares about things down here. “It’s going to happen though. If the CIA would fucking cooperate here instead of trying to start a fucking war.”

“Typical CIA.” You scoff, “at least you have some leads. Hopefully it happens soon.” You murmur, wanting Javier to be here for the small moments, the scans, the kicks. He’s missed so much already and the little girl hasn’t arrived yet. “I miss you Javi.” You murmur, knowing you shouldn’t get emotional like this but it’s hard when your hormones are raging and the father of your child is in another country.

“I miss you too.” He does, the fact that you were his friend before getting pregnant made it even more bittersweet. He wishes he could be there, talking to his pop about how you are growing whenever he calls him. “I will be there soon and I- do you mind if I stay with you? Help you out and just in case you go into labor in the middle of the night?” He won’t have his truck, just a rental car, but he would love to stay on your couch just to be there.

“I’d like that. A lot. I’d feel more comfortable with you in the house just in case something happens in the middle of the night.” You tell him, happy that he wants to be there for you despite you deciding to do this by yourself. Pregnancy is hard and you’ve longed to just cuddle your friend. You would never mention the fact that you’ve touched yourself to thoughts of that night. You’ll take that to your grave. The phone beeps and you look at the receiver, “I gotta go babe. My mom is calling and she said she wanted to take me to dinner. Keep me fed.” You chuckle, “I’ll talk to you soon.” You don’t give him a chance to say goodbye as you switch lines.

****

Javi sighs, tapping the steering wheel as he drives into town. It’s been a very long day and he just wants to get to your place. Leaving last night on a red eye, he had spent most of the day in Miami waiting for his connecting flight to San Antonio, deciding to drive the rest of the way. Now he just needs to get to you and see you for the first time since that night you conceived the baby. The presents for you and his daughter are in his luggage and he wonders if you are okay today since he hasn't been able to call.

When the doorbell rings, your heart thumps in your chest, and you waddle as fast as you can towards the door, flinging it open to find Javier standing on your doorstep. “Hey.” You grin, knowing you’re as big as a house and hoping he doesn’t hate what he sees despite you just coparenting. “Come in. Come in.”

“Cariño, look at you.” Javi is nearly breathless, frozen at the sight of you for a moment before he tosses his bag into your house and scoops you up into as much of a hug as he can. “Fuck- I-“ he can’t believe that he’s here, that you are pregnant. He knows you’ve been pregnant but it’s different seeing you in person and knows it’s his little girl in your stomach. “She- wow.”

When his hand caresses your stomach, you sob. You’ve missed him so much. “I’m so glad you’re here.” You choke, wrapping your arms around his neck to awkwardly pull him as close as possible.

“Me too.” He manages, his voice rough with emotions as he holds onto you and feels the baby kick under his hand. “I was praying for the last week you wouldn't go into labor before I could get here.”

You chuckle, “you know how most women research everything they can to bring on labor? I was researching the opposite.” You enjoy his responding chuckle, “I’m glad she hasn’t come yet.” You reach up to cup his cheek, “she was waiting for her daddy to arrive.”

“Daddy.” Javi’s eyes widen with wonder, as if his title has just hit him and he smiles as he looks down at your stomach. “Hope she knows I’m nervous as fuck.” He admits quietly. “This is different from helping with my cousins.”

You caress his cheek before lowering your hand to his chest, above his thumping heart. “I’m nervous as fuck too. I’ve read every book I could find, got everything I could need but I still feel like I have no clue what I’m doing. I'm scared about giving birth.” You admit, having read horror stories and how much it hurts.

“Do you want me in there?” He asks. His own reading had led him to believe that it’s uncommon, but some father’s are in the delivery room with the mother for support. He doesn’t know what you want, but if you want him there, he’ll do it.

You had thought about it, wanting him to be there for the birth after he’s missed most of your pregnancy. “I want you there…if you want to be there. I want you there to see her being born. The moment she comes into the world. I want her daddy there.” You know he will be returning to Colombia once his month is up and you don’t want him to miss a second of his daughter.

“Okay.” Javi’s dealt with blood and the aftermath of carnage, child birth should be easy. “I’ll be there. No matter what. I- can I cut the cord?” He asks hopefully. He had read about that and it’s supposed to be magical.

“Of course you can.” You snort. “Now, come in. Let’s get you settled and we can get something to eat. I’m starving…all the time. Your girl makes me crave ice cream. Mint ice cream weirdly enough.” You guide him back into the house, letting him grab his bag so he can follow you down the hall. “Do you want to see the nursery?” You ask him. When he nods, you take his hand and guide him to your guest room, now turned into a nursery, and you are proud to show off the combined work of you, his dad and your dad.

“Wow.” He bites his lip as he looks around the room that is completely decked out for a little girl. “It’s really happening, isn’t it?” He asks, smiling at the teddy bear. “Have you decided on a name?” You’ve talked about it, but never really chosen one yet,

You turn to look at him, “I was thinking Maria. After your mom.” You have spent many hours with Chucho, hearing about Javier’s childhood, his late mother, and the ranch. “Maria Gloria Peña.” You tell him, “Gloria since you know I love Gloria Estefan.” You smile, “and so does she.” The baby kicks whenever you play music.

“I-“ Javi takes a deep breath, honored and overwhelmed at the idea that you would name the baby after his mother. “I love that.” He chokes out. “Maria Gloria Peña.” He doesn’t mention that giving the baby his last name is announcing he’s the father. If you want that, he will be happy to sign the certificate.”

You smile, pleased that he likes the name. “Our Maria.” You murmur, patting his chest as tears sting in your eyes. “Come on Peña. Let’s get you settled in on the sofa bed and then let’s head over to my parents for dinner.” He seems nervous when you mention your family, “don’t worry. They know what happened. My dad was pissed at first but I explained the situation and it’s my - our - decision and my dad is just excited for a granddaughter to spoil.”

Javi rubs the back of his neck, not completely convinced about your father but he’s not going to spend anymore time away from you as he has to. He deposits his bag next to the sofa and smiles at the sheets and pillow set out. “This is perfect.” He promises you. “Better than when I sleep at the office.”

You feel bad he’s on the sofa bed but you know you can’t cross lines. He’s here for your daughter, not you. Not to be with you in any capacity other than coparents. “I’m gonna go freshen up. You know where the guest bathroom is. We can go to my parents and then come back and watch tv.” You pat his shoulder before you waddle into your bedroom, closing the door behind you. You swallow harshly, closing your eyes as you lean against the door knowing it’s going to be hard to let Javier go when the time comes.

Javi takes his toiletry bag into the other bathroom. He wishes he had time for a shower, but he doesn’t want to make you late. Brushing his teeth and slapping on more deodorant and cologne to make up for the gritty feeling of traveling for hours. He’s tired, but he isn’t going to say a word, not when he’s going to go spend time with your family who has supported you when he couldn’t.

****

You exhale shakily as you waddle along the path to your parents’ front door. “Hey pumpkin!” Your dad answers and pulls you into a careful hug, mindful of the bump. When you pull back, he looks over your shoulder to Javier standing behind you. “You must be Javier.” Your dad says, holding out his hand.

“Sir.” Javier is less nervous talking to the Ambassador than he is meeting your father. If he hated him, he wouldn’t blame the man - he’s already thought about how he would feel if his daughter was in the same situation. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He takes the man’s hand and doesn’t react when the grip is harder than socially polite.

“Dad.” You offer your father a warning tone but he shrugs, “the man knows how I feel. Getting my daughter knocked up after one night then leaving to go fight drug lords in Colombia. Not exactly every father’s dream but Maria is nearly here so let’s put that aside and focus on Christmas. Come in Peña. Your dad is already here.” Your father pats Javi on the back, letting him know he means business but understands the situation as he guides Javi into the living room.

“I do understand.” Javi ducks his head slightly, knowing him and his pop must have had many heart to hearts. “I would not risk them in Colombia. But I am close to catching the bastard and putting a stop to his operation.”

“Good. Sooner you catch him, sooner you can come back and be a father to your daughter.” Your dad says before walking into the living room where Chucho is. 

“Mija. Look at you.” Chucho pulls you in for a hug, kissing your cheek. “Looks like she’s ready to come any day now.” 

You chuckle, rubbing the older man’s arm for a second, “I wish. Doctor said anytime between now and New Year. I’m ready for her to come just so I can sleep properly.” You rub your belly after lowering your hand just as Javier comes over to hug his pops.

“I didn’t know you were going to be here.”  Javi huffs, slapping his dad on the back and relaxing even more. It’s turning out to be a family party, and he’s grateful to be here. 

“When did you get in?” Chucho asks and Javi gives a small shrug and grins over at you. 

“About five minutes before we came over here.” He tells his dad, making him laugh and shake his head. “She is on a schedule, mijo, that baby is due any minute”

“Exactly. I gotta optimize my time before the little lady comes.” You rub Javier’s back. “I’m glad you’re here.” You lean in to kiss his cheek before you walk off to help your mom with the dinner as much as you physically can. 

“So…how was it? Seeing her again?” Chucho asks Javi when your family are scattered around the room talking amongst themselves.

“She’s so….pregnant.” Javi huffs, folding his arms over his chest and ignoring the way his body seemed to like the very rounded shape of your body. There was something very primitive about seeing you full of his baby, knowing it was his. He’s never thought he was a possessive man before, but he feels slightly possessive over you.

Chucho chuckles, “I know. Something about them having your baby inside of them…I was the same way with your mother.” He reveals, making Javi wrinkle his nose. “Don’t act so surprised. I was just as active as you are.” Chucho raises his eyebrows, knowing about his son’s liaisons. 

“She doesn’t know.” Javi mutters, his stomach churning with guilt. 

“I won’t tell her but you need to have that discussion…how you plan to move forward with each other and the baby.” Javier nods, knowing you need to discuss the details again despite your agreement to just be coparents. When you look over and smile at him, his heart thumps and he’s reminded of why he can’t give you his heart right now, he has to see out Escobar. 

****

“Fuckkkkk!” You yell, gripping the side of the bed as another contraction hits you. 

“You’re doing so good, baby.” Javi murmurs, feeling helpless as he sits on the plastic hospital chair and watches you. 

“Fuck you, Peña.” You groan, shifting from one foot to the other, “I- shit. Sorry. I just - where the fuck is the epidural?”

Javi chuckles, perfectly okay with you cursing him. “It’s coming, baby, it’s coming.” You had woken him up, in a panic when you felt contractions hitting you in the middle of the night, both of you tired from the day. Making him jump up and get dressed before helping you out to the car. “Our little girl is coming today.” He hums, unable to believe that it’s New Year's Eve.

You pant as the contraction passes, “she knows how to make an entrance. New Year’s Eve. So much for us celebrating the new year.” You chuckle, forehead sweating as you try to relax a little between contractions. When the epidural finally arrives, you sigh in relief and settle back onto the bed, closing your eyes. “God, that feels good.” You sigh, opening your eyes to look over at Javier.

“Good.” Javi stands up and comes over with a cool rag to wipe your forehead. “Hopefully you can rest some before you have to push.” He’s nervous but he wants to put on a brave front for you. “Do you want some ice chips?”

“Yessss.” You groan, reaching for his free hand. “I’m so glad you’re here Javi. I couldn’t have done this without you.” You murmur, looking up into those dark brown eyes. For Christmas, he’d bought you a beautiful charm bracelet with a gold heart and a pink bow on it. “I’ll add to it as she grows up.” Javier had told you and you had burst into tears, loving the idea. For Maria, he’d bought her an engraved gold bracelet for when she’s born, the engraving said ‘love always, daddy’ and that made you cry again.

Javi smiles at you, squeezing your hand as he brings it up to kiss the back of it. He’s grappling with the feelings he has for you, knowing that it’s not fair to tell you about them when he’s going back to Colombia. “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” He promises, reaching for the cup with the ice chips for you to suck on.

You take an ice chip, watching him as you suck on it, and you hear the beeps on the machine as you have another contraction. Soon enough, the nurses come in to check you and announce it’s time for you to push. Once Javi is gowned up and the doctor is in the room, you have to start pushing. “Javi.” You reach for his hand, squeezing it as you bear down.

“I’m here, cariño.” It’s all he can do, just be here for you. He feels helpless, watching you struggle and curse through the pains of labor. Nothing that he could really do to help you. “You’re doing so good, baby.” He coos, leaning down to wipe your forehead again and kiss it softly as you squeeze his hand hard enough to make him grunt.

You pant when you get a break from pushing, the baby’s heart is out. One more push and it’s exhausting, you’re exhausted. “Come on mama. One more push. It’s nearly midnight.” They tell you and you look up at Javi, “one more push.” He tells you, squeezing your hand. The machines beep and you brace yourself, clenching your jaw as you bear down again, trying to give one last push for your baby girl.

The silence after that push makes Javi’s heart skip a beat, terror that something went wrong - is wrong - floods his entire body until he hears a loud, angry cry. Immediately gasping, tears start to pool in his eyes as he looks over at you. “You did it, cariño. Our baby girl.” He chokes out, leaning down and kissing your forehead. 

“Dad wants to cut the umbilical cord right?” The doctor asks, making Javi nod and shuffle down, letting go of your hand so he can take the medical scissors to cut through the cord where the doctor tells him. Nearly unable to see from the tears, he sees the wet, squalling infant and immediately falls in love with her.

You are shaking when they place the baby on your chest, her body covered in gunk and her cries echoing in the room but you swear you’ve never loved anything more. She nuzzles into your skin and you start to sob, looking up at Javier as he shifts back to your side after cutting the cord. “She’s - shes - she’s perfect.” You choke, reaching for his hand as you caress the baby’s back.

“Yes, she is.” Javi whispers, leaning down over you and the baby, kissing her forehead and not caring about anything other than the two of you at this moment. The nurses and doctors are still working, but this is a moment where nothing else exists to him. “Thank you.” He manages, turning and kissing your forehead after glancing at your lips and deciding that it wasn’t right for him to kiss you when you just wanted to co parent.

You are overwhelmed, wanting to tell him how you feel at this moment, but it’s not right. It’s not fair to either of you and to Maria. She deserves to have parents who can coexist without awkwardness. She settles against your chest just as it’s time to push the afterbirth out. You grab Javier’s hand as you push it out and after, they take Maria to weigh her and clean her up. “I can’t believe she’s here.” You murmur when she’s back, wrapped in blankets and asleep in your arms. Her little lips are just like her daddy, thick dark hair on her head.

“I know.” Javi fidgets, it’s been a long time, hours, since he’s had a cigarette but he’s not moving from this spot until he has to. His hand reaches out and caresses his daughter’s tiny cheek. “I- I don’t know what to say. She’s- fuck, she’s so innocent. Perfect.” He whispers quietly. “I’m not going to let anything bad happen to her.” He thinks about Escobar and shakes his head. “I’m going to ask for more help, get this done so I can get stationed back in the states when it’s done.”

You look at Javier and nod, “I’ll support you no matter what you do. We will be waiting here for you after you get that bastard.” You smile at him, not quite realizing that you promised you would be waiting for him, you’re exhausted. “Just - I want you to be safe. Don’t do anything stupid.” You tell him.

Javier offers you a cheeky grin, “me? Stupid? Never.” 

You roll your eyes and chuckle at him, looking back at Maria, “she needs her daddy.” ‘So do I’ you want to add but swallow that down.

****

Leaving is the hardest thing Javi has ever done in his fucking life. The problem with him is that once he makes a commitment, he follows through. With the exception of marrying Lorraine. It would be perfect if he could bring you and the baby to Colombia, but there is zero chance of him putting the two of you in danger. He zips up his bag and sighs, turning to find you watching him as you sway with the baby in your arms. “Let me hold her one last time.” It’s been nearly three weeks of time together with a newborn and even though he’s exhausted, he wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

You nod, stepping over to slide the baby into his arms. She coos, looking up at her daddy and tears sting in her eyes. “Shit. Sorry.” You hiss, wiping your eyes, “fucking hormones still.” You swallow and watch him as he cradles Maria. “I- I’ll go get her bottle.” You murmur, wanting to give him a moment alone to say goodbye. You’ve had a stressful few weeks while trying to breastfeed, being unable to produce enough milk, and Javier has been by your side the entire time. You’re terrified to have him leave, to do this alone, for him to go back into danger and potentially lose him, for Maria to lose him. Emotions bubble over and a sob escapes your lips when you hear him murmuring to Maria while you get her bottle ready in the kitchen.

“You be a good girl for mama.” Javi murmurs quietly. “Daddy’s gotta go catch the bad guy.” He doesn’t want to, not really, but he’s determined to make it happen so he can come back and raise this little girl with you. “I’m going to miss you every day, but your mama takes such good care of you. We both love you, bebita.”

You compose yourself, knowing you need to be strong, and you walk back into the living room with Maria’s bottle. “You’re going to be late for your flight.” You remind him and he sighs, reluctant to go but you know he has to. He slides Maria back into your arms and you place the bottle at her lips, making her suck eagerly. “Go get him and come home to her, Javi.” You order, looking at Maria before you look into those gorgeous brown eyes.

He wishes that you said ‘to us’ but this isn’t that type of relationship. You didn’t want him and that’s understandable. Nodding, Javi pulls you into his arms for a quick hug and kisses your forehead before he kisses Maria’s. “I’ll call you when I get back to my apartment.” He promises, stepping away and picking up his bag. “Lock the door behind me, cariño.” He cautions, ever worried about your safety and more so now that the baby is here. “Bye.”

“Bye Javi. Be safe.” You tell him as he looks back over his shoulder before he shuts the door behind him. You shift to sit down, swallowing harshly as Maria finishes her bottle. She yawns and you shift her onto your shoulder to burp her, “daddy will be back soon.” You promise her when she falls asleep in your arms, tears streaming down your cheeks as you try to believe that. He will be back soon.

**** 

It’s nearly been a year. A year of calling you as often as he can and the situation growing even more dire in Colombia. Javi’s taken on a new partner, a gringo named Steve Murphy and things seem like they are never going to end. “Hey.” Javi sighs as you answer the phone. He can hear Maria giggling and squealing in the background. “My plane leaves tomorrow, thank fuck. I should be there in twenty-four hours.” He tells you, eager to get to your house and see the daughter he has missed every day for a year. Only hearing about her growth on the phone and seeing it through pictures has been hard, especially when Steve and Connie ended up fostering a little girl who lost her mother here.

“We will be waiting. Maria wants to see her daddy. Don’t you baby?” Your little girl crawls over to you. Not yet walking. You pray she walks while Javi is here so he can see a milestone. She giggles and you smile at her, eager for her to see her father again. “She’s missed you. We both have.” You admit, biting your lip. You’re glad he’s going to be here for her first birthday. He’s missed so much already. 

“I missed you both too.” He replies honestly and your heart clenches. 

“Maria.” You sigh as she tries to grab your water bottle. “She’s so active. Walking any day now. I gotta go Jav. I’ll see you tomorrow. Safe travels, baby.” You say and hang up the phone, picking up your daughter. Making her giggle and you can’t help but laugh alongside her, happy for Javi to be coming home.

The flight seems to take forever. He’d brushed off Steve’s questions, no one in Colombia knows about Maria and he wants to keep it that way. Even his partner is in the dark but it’s safer for you. Also, it’s a safe haven for him, untouched by the bullshit he deals with on a day to day basis. This time when he pulls onto the driveway, he grins. The teddy bear he had bought Maria is the first thing he grabs as he rushes out of the car. He can get his bags later, eager to see his girls.

When the doorbell rings, you inhale sharply and adjust Maria on your hip. “It’s daddy, baby girl. He’s home.” You tell her as you walk towards the door. You unlock it, flinging it open and when you see Javier, your heart pounds. He looks tired, worn out and ragged but he’s still so handsome. “Hey.” You smile, excited that he’s home.

Christ, you look good. Javi grins at you, perking up at the sight of your smile and Maria’s excited gurgle and he quickly steps inside the house to hug you both. “God, I missed you both.” He huffs, pulling back and his eyes widen. “She’s so big, so much bigger than the pictures!”

“She’s grown in the last few weeks. Growth spurt.” Maria hides her face in your neck, suddenly shy. “Baby, this is daddy. It’s papa.” You tell her, stroking her back and Javi swallows harshly, hating the fact that his daughter doesn’t really know who he is. 

“Hey Maria. It’s papa. You know, from the phone.” He says gently and Maria lifts her head. 

“It’s daddy.” You tell her and she looks at Javi, recognizing his voice from the phone. 

“Dada.” She repeats and Javi nods, holding his hands out towards her. She leans towards him, letting him pull her into his arms for a hug and tears sting in your eyes. It’s been a hard year alone, raising your daughter, but Javi is here now and you are grateful he’s okay, he’s safe.

“Hey, baby girl.” Javi swallows and holds her close for a long moment, tearing up at being able to hold his daughter again. When she snuggles into him, he swears his heart explodes and he looks over at you with the feeling of being on top of the world running through his veins. “Daddy’s home and I brought you a teddy.” He coos, bringing up the bear to show her. There are more presents in his bag, but he wanted to give this one to her now instead of at Christmas.

Maria squeals, pulling the teddy close to hug to her chest and Javier holds her close to his, tears stinging in his eyes and you wipe the tears that rolled down your cheeks. “I, um, you want some coffee and a sandwich? I'm sure you’re hungry.” You tell Javi, needing a moment and you know he will follow you in a second with Maria in his arms.

“Whatever is easy for you.” Javi is hungry but he doesn’t want to make more work for you while he’s here. He wants to spend time with his daughter and help you with her while he can. “I’m not picky.” He jostles Maria happily and leans in to kiss her cheeks and neck to make her giggle from the ticklishness of his mustache. “How are you doing? Do you need anything?”

An orgasm. You want to say but you shove that down. “No, I’m good. I’ve been coping. My parents and your dad have been amazing. They look after her while I’m at work. I hated leaving her, had a breakdown the first time and I didn’t want to tell you.” You admit shyly as you reach for the bread to begin making him and yourself a sandwich. “Ham and cheese okay?” You ask and he nods so you continue. “It’s been tough but I wouldn’t change it for the world. She’s - Javi, she’s incredible.”

“I love every time you send me pictures of her. And when I get to talk to her.” He knows that she doesn’t know what he is talking about and half the time it’s nothing more than him talking about the more censored aspects of his job, but he likes talking to her. “I’m glad pop is helping out, she’s all he talks about when I call him.” Javi steps closer to you, inhaling the scent of your shampoo and sighs happily. You smell the same, like you always have and there is something warm and soft about you right now that he craves.

You finish making the sandwiches, feeling Javier behind you as Maria crawls over to her high chair and you set the knife down, turning to face him. "I missed you." You wrap your arms around his neck to pull him close, inhaling the same cologne he's worn since you met him. It's musky and reminds you of home. Despite him being gone all year, he has become your rock. Your person to vent to, your person to laugh with and just sit on the phone listening to each other go about their routine.

He almost does it. He almost leans in to kiss you. Licking his lips and parting them in anticipation of tasting you again. Until Maria squeals, breaking the spell and making him squeeze your hips as he exhales roughly, trying to shake off the attraction. It would be bad and it would change your relationship and he can’t risk that. “I’ve missed you too.” He promises lightly, letting go of you to bend down and pick Maria up to toss her up playfully. “And I missed you, baby girl!” He chortles, trying to remind himself of what is important. He can’t risk losing his daughter because he is thinking with his dick.

You exhale shakily, knowing you were close to kissing him and you can’t do that. It’s not fair on Maria or either of you. He will be going back to Colombia and you need to be a mother and focus on that. You need to put Maria first. 

****

Christmas Day comes and goes, celebrating with both of your families and Javier gets you another charm for your bracelet. A beautiful teddy bear charm and you love it. He gives Maria far too many toys alongside your parents and Chucho, she’s thoroughly spoiled despite not really understanding Christmas yet. After Christmas, you are busy planning Maria’s first birthday. It’s going to be family and a few friends, Javier’s cousins who have met Maria. “You ready?” You ask Javi as you hold Maria, looking beautiful in her new dress and Javier comes out in a checkered shirt that has you swallowing harshly at how handsome he looks.

“Absolutely.” Javi hums, appreciating the way you dressed Maria and reaches for her. “This little girl is going to love her birthday when she gets older. Aren’t you, baby girl?” She kicks excitedly, not sure what is happening but feeding off his own joy. “What can I do to help?” The food is already prepared and Javi’s tias are bringing plenty of food as well, the beer is on ice and the birthday cake for the baby to dig into is beautifully decorated.

"Everything is all ready. Between my family and yours, we had an army to get things ready." You smile, "come on, we don't want to be late." The drive to the church is quick and you enter with Maria between you as the crowd of family and friends cheer for your daughter's first birthday. Javier's cousins - second and third - run around the hall, hyped up on soda and candy, and you grin as you sit with Maria on your lap once the party is in full swing.

“Never thought I would see it.” Javi’s cousin jostles his shoulder, nearly making him spill his beer as he brings it up to his lips. 

“See what?” He turns, smirking slightly at the glassy edge to his cousin Hugo’s eyes. 

“You- with a baby.” Hugo huffs, motioning with his own beer to where you are sitting. “After Lorraine, we all thought you would be a bachelor, but you were out there making babies!” 

Javi rolls his eyes and sighs, smiling when he sees Maria turning and cuddling into your chest when another stranger comes up to meet her. “She’s great.” He admits. “I - I don’t know if I could imagine not having her now.”

“Maria or her mother?” Hugo asks, eyebrows raised. 

Javier sighs, “it’s complicated.” 

Hugo scoffs, “when isn’t anything with you not complicated? Hell, you left Lorraine at the altar and get another woman pregnant. That’s complicated. Then you fuck off to Colombia and leave her high and dry with your kid.” Javier growls and Hugo puts his hands up, “no offense man, just telling it like it is.”

Javi sighs, knowing that’s what it looks like. “We didn’t know she was pregnant until I was in Colombia.” Javi admits, looking back over at you and Maria. “She wanted to keep her and I’m glad. I love my daughter, and I’m trying to get back here, or somewhere safer so they can be with me.” He doesn’t care if Hugo understands, you understand and that’s all that matters. 

“Cake time!” You announce, distracting everyone and Javi nods to his cousin as he stands up. You have changed Maria into a onesie so she can ruin it and you place her in her high chair before the cake is brought out. Javi stands beside you as your mom carries out the smash cake she made for Maria. There’s no candle on the cake but you place it in front of your daughter and she grins before smacking her hands into the cake. You chuckle, turning to look at Javier who is watching his daughter with a wide grin on his face. He’s leaving tomorrow and you’ll miss him terribly.

Javi chuckles when Maria rubs the cake all over her face in an attempt to eat it. She will need to be hosed off, but he loves to see it. It’s almost natural to wrap his arm around your waist and hugs you to him as the two of you watch and everyone laughs at your daughter who is happily soaking up the attention.

****

You bite your lip, watching Javier as he puts his case in the rental car he hired. He will likely be gone for another year and you hate it. How much time he’s losing with Maria. You hold Maria, watching him as he walks back over to you. “Say goodbye to daddy, sweetheart.” You place Maria in his arms.

“Hey, baby girl.” Javi plasters a smile on his face but he hates the fact that he’s leaving. Back to Colombia and the hunt for Escobar. “Daddy’s gotta go back to work, but I’m going to call you every chance I get and I’m going to see you as soon as I can.” He promises. “I love you so much.”

You bite your lip as Maria nuzzles into his neck and he kisses her hair. It’s painful to watch and you know he hates it as much as you do. Him leaving…he takes a piece of you every time he goes. You step towards him, cupping his cheek, “I’ll keep you updated and you can call every day to talk to her.”

“Okay.” Javi croaks out, leaning in and pressing his forehead against yours. Maria squirms and throws herself towards her mother, wanting to be held by her. As you take the baby, Javi kisses your forehead and then hers. “Take care of our baby girl, cariño.” He murmurs. “I’ll call you when I get back.”

You want him to stay, desperately, but he has to go so you nod, adjusting Maria on your hip as Javier opens your front door. “See you soon Javi.” You tell him, knowing that it’s getting harder to not tell him how you feel every time he leaves.

**** 

“Never took you for the sentimental type but you always go home for Christmas.” Steve is fishing for information, looking over the desks as Javi as he finishes up the last of the paperwork so he can get the fuck out of here next week. It’s been another two years and he’s exhausted, just ready to see you and his daughter. “What do you have going on in Laredo man?”

“Whatever Steve.” He grumbles, shifting slightly and aware that things have gotten out of hand. In a desperate bid to get that fucker, Javi’s gotten himself in deep and now there’s a chance he might pay for it. 

“Peña.” His head pops up to see Messina scowling at him, obviously pissed. “My office, now.”

****

You inhale sharply when the car pulls onto your driveway. “Maria baby. Daddy’s here!” You call out and the three - nearly four - year old comes barrelling across the living room. Surprised that he is here early, he’s supposed to be in next week.

“Daddy!” She squeals and you grin, excited to see Javier yourself. It’s been so long that he’s been in Colombia, sometimes you wonder if he will ever catch Escobar. You’ve tried moving on from him but it’s hard, you even went on dates but no one matches up to Javier Peña.

“Hey baby girl.” Javi nearly cried when his daughter ran out of the door as he got out of the car and met her halfway across the lawn, scooping his daughter up in his arms and burying his face in her little neck. Regret hangs heavy and he feels like he made the wrong decision years ago. It didn’t matter, he’s been sent home. Fucking years away from you and Maria and he didn’t even accomplish what he had set out to do.

“Daddy! I missed you!” Maria squeals when Javier holds her close and you can see the stress in his muscles as he pulls back to look at you. 

“Hey stranger.” You joke, leaning in to kiss his cheek, and your heart thumps when those dark eyes meet yours.

“Hey.” He closes his eyes and just breathes in the smell of you and his daughter. The smell of home. Javi is angry, disappointed in himself, but he’s also happy to be right here. Needing you and Maria. Over the years, he’s realized that you are his anchor, his sense of home in this world.

“You’re a week early. What happened?” You ask once you’re inside and he’s sitting on the sofa. “Did something go wrong?” You guess, sitting down beside him and Maria rushes over to show Javier her new Barbie. 

“Daddy. Look what abuelo got me.” She says, showing him the doll Chucho got her as an early Christmas present.

“That’s a pretty baby, baby girl.” Javi makes the appropriate noises about the Barbie, even though he knows nothing about the dolls. He pulls her up into his lap and sighs. “I- if you don’t mind, I’m going to be sticking around longer.” He admits quietly. “I’ve been sent back. I’m off the team.”

You frown, “what happened?” You reach for his hand, squeezing it. “Maria, sweetheart. Mommy and Daddy need to have grown-up time. Can you go to your room and show your new Barbie her friends?” You ask and Maria nods, sliding off of Javi’s lap then running off after she kisses Javi’s cheek. “Tell me what happened.”

“I fucked up, cariño.” Javi admits, leaning back against the sofa and tilting his head back to look up at the ceiling. “I tried to work with some bad people in order to get Escobar.” He confesses. “I got in too deep and got caught.”

You sigh, “Javi. Why- why would you do that?” You shift closer to him. 

“I wanted to come back. I’ve already missed so much. I didn’t want to miss anything else. I was fucking desperate and I got sloppy. I got caught and now, all that time I have spent away from you both…it’s all for nothing.” 

You shake your head, reaching up to cup his cheek and turn his face towards you, “it’s not for nothing. You did what you had to do. Maria can be proud of her daddy for doing what he could to take down an evil man. You didn’t - you might’ve fucked up but I know you, Peña, you did it from your heart. It’s happened. Let’s just - let’s focus on the holidays and being a family. Maria is excited you’re home.” You suddenly remember what tonight is. “Shit.” You lower your hand from his cheek, “I, uh, my mom is coming over soon.”

“Why is your mom coming over?” Javi asks, frowning slightly although he shouldn’t be surprised that he’s thrown your plans out of whack. He’s shown up early and dumped all his issues at your door.

“She’s watching Maria for me.” You admit, making Javi hum. Must be that book club you were talking to him about. 

“Well, I’ll take care of Maria while you do your book club thing, give your mom and you a night off.” He’s her father, he can give you a night off for yourself when he has missed so much of her day-to-day life. 

“It’s, um, it’s not for the book club. I…I, uh, I have a date. With Kevin. From the station.” You reveal, biting your lip. You feel so guilty now that he’s here. You figured he had been fucking other women during his time in Colombia and you haven’t had sex since that night with Javi, wanting to focus on Maria and not bring a man into the fold before she could understand.

“Oh- uh, okay.” Immediately Javi wants to tell you to stay here, to spend time with him and Maria but that would be unforgivably selfish of him. He manages to keep from frowning as he stares down at his hands. “I’ll watch her tonight. She’s my daughter.” He reminds himself that he chose this, he didn’t want to commit to you because he was too full of himself about making a difference in the world. He’s had plenty of liaisons and he shouldn’t feel possessive over you. He gave up that right. “If that’s okay?”

You nod, “yeah that’s good. I have leftovers in the fridge for Maria. Spaghetti and meatballs. Plus those yogurts she likes. Oh and the juice boxes-” 

Javi shakes his head, “I got it. What time are you leaving?” He asks. 

“In an hour. I guess I better get ready. I really appreciate this Javi.” You pat his arm and stand up, heading into your bedroom to get ready for the date. After showering and doing your hair and makeup, you’re ready and come into the living room to find Javier and Maria watching a Disney movie. “I won’t be long.” You promise Javi, deciding to drive to your date so you don’t have Kevin meet Maria. It’s definitely not appropriate.

“Okay.” Javi stands up and shoves his hands in his pockets so he doesn’t pull you back inside the house as you open the door. Sighing to himself, he looks at his daughter where she is entranced with watching Simba. “Are you hungry now or do you want to wait?” He asks, making her shake her little head. 

“After the movie, daddy!” She huffs, annoyed he would even ask and he can’t help but grin at her attitude. She gets it honest. 

“Okay, after the movie.” Sitting back down, he wonders why you never mentioned dating. Was it serious? Are you two a thing? He swallows and stares at the tv, not really seeing it as he hopes the date sucks.

**** 

The date is okay. Nothing to write home about but Kevin is a nice guy and he understands your situation. He knows you have Maria and Javi and asked if there is anything between you still. With a sigh, you said “there was nothing between us to begin with. It was just one night.” A lie on your part but you know Javier has never asked for more from you other than to be co parents. 

You open your front door, kicking off your heels to find Maria rushing up to you in her pajamas. “Mama!” She hugs your legs and you stroke her hair, “why aren’t you in bed?” You ask, looking up as Javi enters the hall. 

“She insisted on staying up to see you come home.” He couldn’t get her to go to sleep and his nervous energy must’ve transferred to her as she couldn’t stay in her bed. 

“Oh baby girl.” You kneel down to hug her and pull her into your arms as you stand. “Mommy’s home now and it’s late. Come on, daddy and I will both put you to bed.” You carry her into her room and Javier follows behind you. You lay her down and cover her up with the duvet, brushing her hair back. “I love you sweetheart.” You lean down to kiss her forehead. “Daddy will say goodnight and then it’s bedtime. Your night light is on. Daddy is here to fight the monsters for you.” You assure her and look up at Javier.

“I will, baby girl.” Javi doesn’t know if he’s allowed to stay on the couch this time since you’ve started dating but he can talk about that with you later. He leans down and kisses Maria’s head and pulls her covers up and hands her the blanket she has to sleep with every night. Javi had given it to her two years ago. “Go to sleep, bebita.”

You slowly back out of the room, pulling the door closed as she closes her eyes and is out in moments due to staying up way past her bedtime. You head into the kitchen to make your regular night time tea and you turn to look at Javi as he follows you. “So you’re back for good?” You ask him, leaning against the kitchen counter.

“Technically, I’m on leave with pay until they decide what they want to do with me.” Javi admits, wanting to ask you how your date went. You’re back too early to have fucked the guy, unless he was that lousy of a lay. “But I don’t know, I felt like I was beating my head against a rock the entire time. And I have missed so much with our daughter.”

“You did what you thought was the best solution. Hell, we know from the Sheriff's department what bureaucracy and paperwork does. Slows us down while the criminals get away with it. No doubt the DEA is worse. You are here. That’s all that matters. She loves you, she knows you fight bad men, tells everyone at pre-school how her papa is a superhero.” You chuckle, a fond smile on your face.

Rubbing his jaw with his hand, he contemplates your words, feeling slightly undeserving of his young daughter’s praise. She wouldn’t think him a superhero, you wouldn’t either if you knew what he had done. “I- I should probably look for a place to stay.” He murmurs. “I can go to my pop’s. I know you don’t want me living on your couch indefinitely.”

You shake your head, “you can stay as long as you want, Javi. I know the sofa isn’t the most comfortable place but you’ve lost out on time with Maria and I would never take that away from you.” You step closer to him when he says “I’m sure Kevin wouldn’t want me sleeping on your couch.” 

You frown, “Kevin doesn’t decide who sleeps on my sofa. I do. I decide that the father of my child sleeps on my sofa. If Kevin has a problem with that, he can fuck off.”

Smirking slightly, Javi admires the fire in your eyes. “There’s my cariño.” He murmurs, searching your face for any doubt. “I hated you going on that date.” He confesses. “Wanted to tell you to stay here with Maria….and me.”

You bite your lip, staring at him, “I didn’t want to go but I- it’s been over four years since I - I haven’t dated or been with anyone else since you. I figured you- you’re not a monk so obviously you’ve been with women in Colombia and I don’t blame you for that but I decided to put myself back out there now that Maria is nearly four. I can’t - I can’t spend my life waiting for you.”

Javi nods slowly, knowing that everything you’ve said is true. He hasn’t been a monk. But the fact that it’s been four years for you blows his mind. “I- fuck baby.” He groans, reaching for you and pulling you close. “You have to know what you do to me. Back then, pregnant with our baby, right now.” He presses you up against his hardening cock. “I just didn’t want to break your heart.”

You stare into those dark brown eyes you love so much. “It wasn’t fair on either of us to wait for each other. We had things to do. You had to catch Escobar, I had to look after Maria. We made the responsible decision.” Your heart pounds at the feeling of his arousal pressing into your hip and his hands caressing your back. “Are you ready? For me? For us? Don’t tell me what I want to hear. I can’t - shit happens that we can’t control but don’t tell me what I want to hear and change your mind tomorrow. I couldn’t handle that after being in love with you for six years.” 

Javi huffs out a small chuckle, knowing that he might not have been in love with you the night he came over to your house and made Maria with you, but he had feelings for you. Feelings that have become a deep, lasting love. “I’m ready.” He promises, reaching up and cupping your face tenderly. Watching you for a moment as that familiar buzz between you starts to grow. This time he doesn’t pull back, this time he leans in and captures your lips on a kiss that is four years late.

You sigh into the kiss, cupping his cheeks. It’s soft and sweet, building like these feelings you’ve nurtured between you for years. The flames climb higher and he’s soon pushing you back against the kitchen counter, his tongue sliding into your mouth and you eagerly open, tangling your tongue with his. His cock is hard in his pants, pressing against you and you grind against him, wordlessly conveying what you need, what you’ve longed for.

“Baby- you gotta-“ Javi pulls back and looks at you, panting slightly. “Can I take you to bed?” He asks, wanting to do this right. He doesn’t have any intention of leaving it tomorrow. “Or-“ Maria is still in the house and he would understand if you didn’t want to risk it. He might be her father but she’s never seen him sleep in the same bed as you. It would be completely different than the last night he spent in your bed.

“You never have to ask. I want you in my bed. Every damn night.” You caress his chest, “come on baby.” You take his hand and guide him through the living room to your bedroom. “I said I’d take you to bed.” Javier jokes and you giggle, spinning once you’re in your bedroom to face him, “it’s my bedroom.”

“It is your bedroom.” Javi murmurs as he steps closer to you, his eyes dark with lust. “The same bedroom I’ve fucked you in before. Same bed we made Maria in.” He smirks, looking over at the bed and then back at you.

You smile, fondly remembering that night you made Maria. You reach for his shirt, working on the buttons. “I have an IUD. Regulates my periods so we don’t need to worry about an accident. We aren’t ready for that.” You murmur, pushing his shirt off of his shoulders.

Javi snorts. “I’d be batting a thousand.” He murmurs, slightly smug about the fact that you are choosing him to sleep with after the last time. “I’ve been tested but I can wear a condom.” He doesn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, knowing you know that he’s not been a saint in Colombia. His own fingers find the zipper of your dress and he drags it down, eager to see your body again.

“I trust you. I’ve always trusted you.” You murmur, wanting to feel him after being without him for so long. You shiver when his fingers caress your spine before he pushes the dress off of your shoulders. “My memories did you no justice.” You murmurs, running your hands down his chest to his stomach until you work on unbuckling his belt.

“Cariño, you are more beautiful now.” He praises, leaning in and capturing your nipple in his mouth through the cloth of your bra while he works the hooks. Groaning as he inhales your sweet, musky scent. Transporting him back to that night all over again.

You arch your back into his mouth, pulling back when he tugs your bra down your arms, exposing your tits. “After a baby and many years…I think you’re forgetting Peña.” You tease, working on the button of his jeans and you reach in to pull out his hard cock, pumping him slowly.

Hisses against your skin, Javi bites down on your nipple and sucks it into his mouth. Suckling harshly, Javi strips down your panties and shoves his hand between your legs to rub your clit. Determined for you to feel good after so long without sex

You moan, grip going slack on his cock, and you let him guide you back towards your bed. You shift to lay down and he resumes rubbing your clit. You spread your legs, moaning his name and he hovers over you to kiss along your neck.

He manages to kick off his jeans and groans when the hard tip of his cock presses against your hip. Two fingers sliding down to press inside you while his thumb rubs your clit. “Fuck, your so tight.” He groans into your skin, kissing back up to your lips while his fingers pump and curl inside you.

“It’s been too long.” You remind him, hips bucking into his touch and you gently scratch your nails down his back, loving the groan that escapes him. When he shifts closer, you reach between you to wrap your fingers around his cock, trying to jerk him despite the way his fingers are making you pant with pleasure.

“Shit.” Javi hisses, his fingers pushing into you a bit more harshly. His cock throbs in your hand but he wants to make sure that you enjoy this. You deserve to have as much pleasure as you can. “Want you to cum for me.” He groans, biting down on your chin gently.

You grip slackens on his cock again as his fingers hit that spot inside of you, combined with his thumb on your clit, and it sends you over the edge with a soft cry that he smothers with his lips. Tongue sliding against yours while he works you through your orgasm. You shake beneath him, experiencing the first orgasm you’ve had from someone else in over four years. “Fuck.” You pant, tilting your head back after he removes his fingers from your pussy.

“Good?” Javi kisses along your jaw and listens to you pant softly. Giving you time to calm down. He needs this to be more than rough and needy. Needs to show you - to show himself - that this is different. “Want another, cariño?” He asks. “Or do you want me inside you?”

“So- so good.” You want to feel him inside of you since you only got to have him once the last time. You want him to spend all night inside of you, even if he isn’t hard, you just want to feel him. “Fuck me, Javi.” You beg, reaching down to grip his cock again. “I need you.”

He has to bat your hand away, too afraid that he will just let you jerk him off because of how good it feels. Maneuvering between your thighs, Javi notches himself at your entrance and stares into your eyes as he slowly starts to sink into you again.

You whimper when he pushes into you, “I love you, Javi.” You caress his shoulders, “I love you.” It feels good to finally say it and you watch him as he pushes deep inside of you, burying his cock and he doesn’t move, giving you a moment to adjust to him.

Closing his eyes, Javi groans your name. “I love you too.” He confesses, twitching inside you as he says it. You feel perfect, like he’s home right there inside your cunt. Pushing his arms around you, he starts to slowly rock his hips.

You feel surrounded by him and it is incredible. “Fuck, Javi.” You gasp when he starts to move. It’s been so long since you’ve had sex, and his cock is thick. He stretches you out but you fucking love it. “God, you feel so good.” You keep repeating it but it’s true. Your heart pounding in your chest as he slowly rocks into you.

“You.” Javi gasps, biting his lip as you squeeze around him. “Feel…so fucking perfect.” He moans. He’s not going to try to compare this to anyone else he’s slept with, he can’t. It wouldn’t be fair. This is you, the mother of his child, the woman he loves. “I love you.” He grunts, pushing into you again.

You cry out when he hits something incredible inside of you. You pant against his jaw. “I. Love. You.” You rasp out, tangling your fingers in his hair and you kiss him, pushing your tongue into his mouth as he thrusts a few more times in that same angle. You’re sent over the edge, a cry poured into his mouth, muffled as you clamp down on his cock and cum around him.

Javi’s hands curl into fists, groaning at the feeling of your orgasm around him. Having to push harder to work you through it. Feeling his own end sneaking up on him. “Gonna, fuck- gonna cum.” He warns. “Pull-“ He can’t even finish the question before he’s pushing deep, moaning your name while he cums.

You can’t even breathe as he paints your walls with his cum. Your eyes are squeezed shut and your nails dig into his back as he slowly rocks his hips to work himself through his orgasm. “Oh God Jav. I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you.” You choke out, tears stinging your eyes as you bathe in the aftermath of your orgasm, your emotions threatening to overwhelm you as you cling to him.

Panting, Javi refuses to move an inch away from you. Keeping his weight up on his elbows so he doesn’t crush you, he just kisses you again and again. “Missed you baby. I’m here.” He reassures you breathlessly. “I’m here. I’m here.”

You breathe him in, absorbing his kisses, and you caress his back, trying to calm the dents from your nails. “You’re here.” You murmur, just enjoying him surrounding you. You kiss along his jaw, “you’re here to stay.”

“I’m here to stay.” Javi murmurs, saying the words out loud for the first time since he had been ordered back to the states. He had toyed with the idea of going to DC, but he had come home instead. Knowing he was needed here far more than any drug war he had been losing. “I love you and Maria so much.”

“We love you too. I’m so glad you’re home Javi. You’re back just in time for Christmas and for Maria’s birthday. She’s going to be so happy to have her daddy here for good. I know I am too. I don’t regret anything. All of it led us to this moment so I don’t regret a thing.” You promise, “that night…it gave us a family.”

“Our family.” Javi murmurs, smiling down at you softly. “I still can’t believe our daughter was born on New Year’s Eve.” He huffs fondly. “Just two minutes later and she would have been a New Year’s baby.” She had missed being born at midnight by two minutes and both you and Javi joked about it every year.

****

You are exhausted, throwing Maria’s fourth birthday party during the day and she had worn herself out playing with her friends and your families, opening presents and having cake. Now asleep in bed to miss the new year, you and Javier are sitting on the sofa, waiting for the countdown. “Maria was born at this exact time.” You smile, seeing it’s two minutes to midnight.

“Yes she was.” Javi smirks slightly. Running his hand down his thigh to calm his nerves. “Our lives changed forever. And I have to say it was amazing.” To be there and see her, to witness those first moments of life and remind him of what was important. Family. “So I’m going to use that fact to do something.” He admits, taking your hand and standing up. Taking a deep breath, he kneels down in front of you and watches your eyes widen. 

The ring that he had bought during some last minute Christmas shopping is in his pocket and burning a hole in it. He was going to wait until midnight, but he couldn't. “Cariño, it’s been a rough road, and I’ve been selfish, but I’m right here, right now.” His voice is low, silky as he tries to remember the speech he had thought up. This time is so different from asking Lorraine. “You are the mother of my child and the woman that I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. Right now, before the New Year, will you agree to be my wife?” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the box with the ring. “Will you marry me?”

You stare at him in shock, never imagining Javier to be the marriage type and you weren’t anticipating marrying him but to see him down on one knee, your heart pounds in your chest. “Oh Javi.” You choke, tears stinging in your eyes and you swallow harshly. “Ye- yes. Yes. I’ll marry you. Yes!” You giggle breathlessly, bending over to press your lips to his, “I will marry you.” You murmur between kisses, tears now streaming down your cheeks. 

He stands up and you grin against his lips as he takes the ring from the box, sliding it onto your finger. “Oh it’s beautiful.” You choke as you look down at the ring just as the countdown to the new year begins. 

“Ten, nine, eight, seven…” 

You kiss Javier again and when the clock strikes midnight, you lean back to look into his eyes. “Happy New Year, Javi. My love.” You murmur. 

“Happy New Year. To the best one yet.” He replies, meaning every word. This will be the best year of Javier’s life. Living with his fiancée and his daughter. It’s all he could’ve asked for.

[yourstrqly]

nsfw alphabet, darwin nunez

pairing: darwin nunez x fem!reader

warnings: smut

authors note: finally wrote a bit after two weeks if I remember correctly. got bad news from my doc and everything's too much rn but life goes on. hope you'll enjoy this!

rina's masterlist & nsfw alp. masterlist

aftercare

Darwin loves when you message his back and shoulders; you stop every once in a while to press a soft kiss on his hot skin and whisper words of love and appreciation to him — that'd might even be his favourite part of the whole thing.

In turn the Uruguayan will clean you off of all kinds of fluids that are still glued to your skin with a cloth he had laid on the sidetable beforehand. Gently, he grasps your hands to kiss them, then he'll let his lips wander upwards to your throat where he gives you a few sneaky but nonetheless sensual lovebits.

 body parts

Oh he does love your delicate fingers; whenever he eats you out or fucks you, you'll immediately let your fingers tug his brown hair as if it going to relief you. Also he can't stop himself to go feral whenever your fingers grasp his length, gliding up and down whilst you suck its head, cheeks hallowed and tongue dancing around the few inches in your warm mouth.

You on the other hand like his nose; it presses deliciously to your clit when he gives head.

cum

there's no better feeling than you giving him head, struggling to fit his dick in your mouth, which results in tears escaping the cornors of your eyes, and swallowing every drop he grants you. It's even better when you sixty nine, as he gets off when you orgasm around his flat tongue and thick fingers.

 dirty secret

Although he's the more dominant of the two of you, he doesn't mind when you take the reigns, pinning him on the mattress and ride his length as he has to beg you to let him cum.

 experience

The Liverpool Striker hadn't got many sexual partners before meeting you but he knows how to push your buttons right after the first few times.

 favourite position

It depends on his mood; sometimes he wants to do nothing, too tired, so he lets you ride him and on the other side he has days where he wants to please you with missionary followed by sixty nine.

 goofy

Have you seen him? He's got no problem to put his seriousness aside to make you giggle and relax; laughing's a part of taking the sex to another level.

hair

Darwin likes to describe himself as always being high maintenance; he ain't fully shaved down there but keeps it trimmed to your liking.

intimacy

If there was to get a master in romance, he'd definitely would be the one to get it. There are no walls he wouldn't climb up to reach the sky, to get you the best. He's done it all; a trail of rose patel to your bedroom, candles lit up, a getaway over the weekend to whatever location you had talked to him weeks and months ago.

 jack off

Before he had grown balls to ask you out, he would get himself off one to three times a week as a way to release stress and pent up pleasure. Once he met up with a woman from his instagram dms, leaving him absolutely unsatisfied — he had counted the time before he spilled himself down her back (though he had imagined you instead of the woman he had fucked). The fantasies about you didn't stop, which finally pushed him in your direction.

 kink

In his opinion there's nothing sexier than edging you whenever it's with his fingers, tongue or dick, he loves you begging for release. Darwin isn't into public sex but if you wishes to do it, he won't deny your request.

 location

Probably likes to have his way with you on a bed just because its the comfiest place in the shared flat however he sometimes likes to fuck you on the kitchen counter when you're sitting on it, reading a book or stuff on social media with a cup of coffee, wearing nothing more than a tee and panties.

 motivation

Honestly, it's when you start to sext him. First it's innocent like you posing in a new article of clothes but as soon as he zooms the picture he sees your underwear — from there its escalating quickly; if you're home you'll send him a nude trying to get him home as fast as possible to fuck you.

 no go

Darwin can't stand anything which could leave ugly bruises like candle wax; he's got no issue to push slight pressure on your throat nor prints of his hands on your hips but he ain't a fan of serious bruising. Even if you'd beg him he would deny it; its a turn off to him.

 oral

As mentioned before, he loves both but if he has to choose it'd be giving. Seeing you whimper, begging for another finger drives him crazy — and the taste's undeniably good. It's not a task for him but pleasure and once he even got off to watching you orgasm on his tongue.

 pace

After a win, still high with adrenaline, he’ll fuck you rough, deep and slow, dragging his length along your tight walls as he holds your cheek, rubbing his thumb gently across it to your lips. He doesn't have to say anything, you'll open your month while holing eye contact, sucking on it like it's a lollipop.

When the team loses, he’ll enjoy getting all the care you've got; most of the times it's you, kneeling between his legs to suck him off, other times you’d ride him sensual. One hand holds his and the other on his stomach supports your body weight. You kiss him all over the face, showing you that a lose on the pitch isn't going to make you appreciate him less; he's still the man in your eyes, a true winner — the winner of your heart, body and soul.

 quickie

He's into quickies, not gonna lie. Before you have to leave him to go on your merry way, you'll wake up in his arms tightly wrapped around your waist. As a result of trying to stand up, he'll awake and pull you right back into his arms. There's no time for foreplay, meaning you'll have to make it work; chasing your highs as Darwin fills you up, trying to avoid making a mess of the bed sheets — neither of you want to wash them every other day.

risk

You're the one to suggests to try new things you had heard from your girl friends or read somewhere as long as you both are in the boad; he's definitely up for the risks as long as you can't get caught by (random) people.

stamina

He can make himself go for a good hour or more as long as he isn't buried in your wet pussy; the feeling is just to good to last that long.

toy

The Uruguayan knows of your toys however he doesn't like to use them on you; when he's away for a game he doesn't mind that you're using them as he knows that he satisfys you better.

unfair

The man's into edging — he could edge you up to fourty minutes, but he'll eventually lose his patience and fucks the shit out of you, practically making you a ruined mess.

volume

He doesn't give a fuck how loud he is; you make him feel too good to not groan out loud. His deep one's mixed with your higher moans is his favourite type of melody.

wild card

Darwin likes to wear fitting bottoms, preferably light colours, and walks around the flat in just those, teasing the fuck out off you.

x—ray

Darwin’s more on the bulky side; all sharp angles and sun-kissed skin, with strong, prominent muscles like some of his teammates. He enjoys his time in the gym, that’s for sure.

The sheer size of his cock had actually startled you. You were genuinely worried if he was too big for you when you first got a glimpse of what's he packed. He's about 6 ½ inches when he's hard, the thickest you had and slightly curved to the left.

yearing

His yearing to have sex is relatively high at the beginning of your relationship, getting frustrated easy if he can't have his way with you.

It gets constantly better as the relationship growns and feeling turn more and more serious by the minute — simple contact like holding hands or a soft squeeze to the side gives him another kind of pleasure.

 zzz

It depends if how hard pushed you and how many rounds you had — most of the time a ten minute message for him and a bit of gossiping while cuddling is doable.

[7-wonders]

Apocalypse Now

Michael Langdon x Reader (Mad Love Act II, Chapter XII)

Summary: The end is here, despite your best efforts.

Word Count: 3.5k

A/N: I'm sorry, this is straight angst. Oops?

Mad Love Masterlist

Tuesdays are objectively the worst day of the week. Though Monday is rough, being the first day after the weekend, it can still be spun as a positive—a brand new week, just full of possibilities. Wednesdays, at least, have the “hump day” moniker to give one some hope that the week is half over. Thursdays are alright because that means it’s almost Friday, and Fridays are what it must be like to take every party drug at once.

Tuesdays, though? Tuesdays suck. It’s far enough into the week to feel none of the residual weekend happiness, but the upcoming weekend is still very much out of grasp. Tuesday is hopelessness personified, if one is feeling particularly dramatic.

That’s why it’s fitting that the world ends on a Tuesday.

You’re in class, because where else would you be? Luckily, this is your capstone class, which is just a class for seniors who are, predictably, working on their capstones to be able to bounce ideas off of and support each other. Since you and Kate are both seniors (and because you literally signed up for this class at the same time) you have the class together, thankfully—you keep each other sane by being insane together, and nowhere is that more apparent than when the two of you work on your respective theses.

“You think I can get away with calling Kant a cunt if I do it, like, academically?” Kate whispers into your ear from where she’s sitting next to you. She keeps her eyes on her laptop screen the entire time, making you choke back a laugh at her easy nonchalance.

“Not by using those exact words, but yeah, as long as you cite your sources.” You run the same drill as Kate, refusing to look away and draw suspicion as you both snicker quietly to yourselves. “Do you wanna grab coffee and pretend to keep working after class?”

“God, yes. Then I can tell you about what went down at last night’s Greek Life exec meeting.” She glances at you from the corner of her eye. “It came out that three of the Chi O sisters are dating each other.”

(With hindsight on your side, you’ll look back on this day and think with bitter regret about how utterly, perfectly normal the day the world ended was. The gossiping conversations, the plans being made, the going about your day with all the confidence that you’ll see tomorrow.

You miss that innocence.)

You gasp under your breath at this exciting tidbit. “No way! How did they–”

You’re cut off by the alarm on someone’s phone blaring. No, multiple phones are blaring out an emergency alarm, and those that aren’t are vibrating, yours included. People dig their phones out of pockets and backpacks, and you pick yours up from where it sits on the table next to your computer and flip it around so that you can see the screen.

You wish you didn’t.

“BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND. SEEK SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL,” the alert on your phone reads.

You look up at Kate as your classmates begin to mutter around you in a mix of nervous laughter and disbelief, only to see the same shock and confusion on her face that must surely be reflected in yours.

“Do you think this is real?” you ask, your heart beginning to hammer in your throat at the implications of such a message.

“It can’t be. It’s–it’s like that time in Hawaii, remember? We’ll get an alert in a few minutes saying that it was all a mistake,” she assures you, always so calm and rational about everything.

You nod and take a couple of deep breaths to calm down. Kate is right, you tell yourself. Somebody accidentally hit a button at a command center when they were trying to conduct a test, and now everybody’s freaking out as a result. They’ve probably already caught the mistake and are preparing to do damage control. The employee will lose their job, unfortunately, but that’s to be expected when accidentally causing mass panic. All in all, this will make a fun story in a couple of years: the time you thought you were about to be caught up in nuclear warfare.

Screaming draws your attention to the large windows to the right of you, and you and others cross the room to see what the commotion is. Outside, people of all ages are running in various directions across campus for—well, for their lives. The way everyone hurries reminds you of watching an ant farm. Someone trips and goes sprawling to their hands and knees, only to have to roll to the grass to prevent almost being trampled. Their belongings, having fallen from their grasp, are kicked and scattered without any care.

The panic from outside leaches through the wall and begins to spread through the classroom like a fast-moving disease. Warning sirens, which you didn’t know were still in operation after the Cold War, begin to wail. Some classmates start trying to reach friends or loved ones on their phones, while others just make a break for the door. At the front of the room, your professor sits, paralyzed, with tears running down his face while he scrolls his social media and tries to find anything to confirm that this is all just a terrible misstep. 

Your stomach drops like you’re lurching down from the top of a very tall roller coaster, and you look back at Kate. “We gotta go.”

“Where?” she asks. You just shake your head, throwing everything into your backpack and zipping it up before grabbing Kate’s hand. You don’t know where it is you need to go, only that you can’t stay here. Taking one last look back at the classroom to make sure you have everything, you and Kate join the flow of people heading down the stairs to try and escape.

Hand in hand so as not to get separated in the crowd, you both run through the campus green. It’s a perfect late-autumn day, really. The sun is high in the blue, cloudless sky and the temperature is warm, but with a bit of a chill from the wind. It’s the type of weather that makes you want to spend all day outside so as not to waste it. The juxtaposition, between the pleasant weather and the chaotic, frightened atmosphere, is not lost on you.

“Wait,” Kate raises her voice to be heard over the panicked din, “we need a plan.”

You wrack your brain, trying to think of anything beyond how scared you are. “Uh…we’ll get in my car, okay? I filled up on gas this morning. And–and we’ll drive as fast as we can, to get as far away as we can before the blast happens. I think we can get out of the major blast zone.”

“Okay, yeah. That sounds good.” 

She nods at you, and you nod back, both trying to reassure the other. The parking lot appears as you round a corner, and you tear your backpack around to your front so that you can find your keys.

“Wait!” Kate says again. “What about Brennan? And Michael?”

Hearing Michael’s name sends alarm bells flaring in the back of your mind. There’s something about him and this nightmare that are connected, but the primal parts of your brain, the one telling you that flight is the best option for survival right now, is too active for you to have any sort of introspection in this moment.

“Call them,” you answer without hesitation, “we can pick them up on the way out of town.”

Kate grabs her phone, finding Brennan’s number and hitting ‘call’ before holding the device up to her ear. “C’mon, c’mon, c’mon,” she mutters, listening closely. “Fuck! I can’t get through.”

“Keep trying. One has to go through eventually. And if they don’t, we at least know where they both are.”

“Do you really think this is going to work? That we’re going to survive?” Kate asks, dialing Brennan once more.

The truth is that you don’t know. You hope it does, that you can at least give yourself a fighting chance to not immediately die when the missiles hit. But there’s just as big a chance that you can’t make it out, that you will die. That’s terrifying, and it makes your throat tighten from terror. The only thing that keeps you from outright freaking out is that, if you do die, at least you’ll have Kate right there next to you.

“I don’t know. But I can promise you that we’re going to try our hardest to survive,” you say.

You can see your car now, only a couple of rows away. Maybe you will actually make it. Maybe this plan will work, and the four of you will end up riding out the end of the world together. Maybe survival can happen; you’re all pretty resourceful, and if you can at least get past the blasts, you can—

An armored vehicle screeches to a halt in front of you, sending you and Kate rearing back as your path is cut off. Two figures dressed in black suits hop out and begin to walk towards you with a purpose. Behind them, military personnel also exit the vehicle. Immediately, your worst fears are confirmed, and you know what this must be. Trying to avoid the inevitable, you begin taking hurried steps back.

One of the men in black says your name. “You need to come with us,” he commands.

“Fuck you, I’m not going anywhere with you!” You try to run to your left, hoping to catch them off-guard and make a break for it, but the other man in black stands in front of you.

“I’m afraid we can’t accept that,” he says, motioning for the military personnel. 

Two of them approach you, their rifles belted to their fronts and serving as a menacing reminder that you have no power here. They each grab one arm and begin to drag you towards the vehicle, paying no mind to you as you start screaming and trying to fight your way out of their grasps. You hold desperately onto Kate’s hand for as long as you can, but it’s only a matter of time before you lose your hold.

“Wait! Where are you taking her?” you hear Kate yell behind you.

“Kate! Kate!” you shriek, high and piercing and terrified. 

You look over your shoulder to see two other soldiers blocking her from reaching you. You’re both sobbing, but there’s nothing either of you can do about it. You’re unceremoniously thrown into the backseat of the armored vehicle, the door slamming shut before you can even think to move. Up front, the driver throws it into gear and peals away from the parking lot. When you scramble to your knees, you’re forced to watch as Kate’s figure rapidly grows smaller and smaller.

“Please go back! You have to take Kate, too! Please!” you beg.

“Shut up!” One of the men shoves you down into your seat, and when you try to get up, he backhands you across the face.

“Hey, be careful with her!” another warns. “You remember what they said. No harm is to come to the boss’s wife.”

The pain of the slap has you reeling, but it also serves to clear your mind enough that the reality of what was just said begins to sink in. You’re apparently the boss’s wife, which means one thing and one thing only.

He’s done it, then? This is all the doing of one Michael Langdon, who for so long swore to you that the world would not end for years, that you would be well aware of when and if his plans were going to be realized? You don’t want to believe it, but, unfortunately, it’s the reality that you seem to be faced with. In response, your tears dry up, and you sit silently and stoically for the rest of the ride.

It’s not a very long journey to wherever you’re being taken to, maybe fifteen minutes or so before the truck is driven into a garage. You look out the back window again to see the garage door closing behind you, the rectangle of light growing smaller and smaller until it finally disappears. Deep down, you know that this was probably your last time seeing the sunlight. You don’t know whether watching it will make you feel better or worse.

The soldiers drag you out of the car just as they dragged you in, marching you through what looks like an underground parking garage towards an elevator and forcing you to stand between them as the men in black join your little group. One of them reaches out a hand, gloved in black leather, so they can stab at the control panel. Even though they press the topmost button, the elevator begins to move down.

The silence begins to stretch on, and you shift uncomfortably. “Is my—” your voice breaks, and you clear your throat. “Is Michael here?”

Predictably, they ignore you, staring straight ahead at their distorted reflections in the chrome doors.

When the doors do finally ding open, they reveal what looks like the living room of an apartment. The walls are bare, but there are all the normal furnishings that one would expect to find: a couch, a TV, a coffee table. There are no windows, you note, the only light available emitting harshly from the fixtures up above. You’re sat down on the couch, and you glare petulantly at your kidnappers.

“Where are we?” you demand. “I deserve answers.”

“You’ll be safe here,” one of them says instead of answering your question. 

Single-file, they move back into the elevator, presumably to return to the surface. As the doors shut once more, you hold eye contact with the soldier that hit you.

He looks at you in fear, his lower lip trembling almost imperceptibly.

The elevator whirs back to life as it begins its travels up, and the sound serves to jolt you out of your stunned state and remind you that you have free will. You jump up from the couch and run to the elevator, hoping for a way out. There’s no call panel on the wall next to it, meaning that the only way it can be accessed is from the inside. Effectively, you’re trapped.

Panic returns in full-force at this revelation, and you frantically start trying to get your fingers into the seam of the door. Maybe if you pull hard enough, you’ll be able to pry them open? You’re not sure what you’ll do after that, but at least then you’ll have options.

Just as you’re starting to delude yourself that you think you can feel a gap widening under your grip, an explosion rocks the world above you. It’s loud, louder than you thought possible for how far below ground you must be, and you scream as you fall to the floor. The shock of the blast reverberates all the way down to what must be the Earth’s core, causing the room to shake around you. The lights flicker and go out before being replaced by an eerie red glow, and an alarm starts to methodically sound.

A sob rips from you, your heart knowing what’s just happened before your brain can come to the same conclusion. A nuclear weapon, dropped right over your head. Death and destruction wreaking havoc on the world in a matter of seconds. Mere circumstance saving you, while those you love are left to perish.

Against your will, you’re forced to imagine the scenarios. Kate was probably still outside, nowhere near any sort of safety. Brennan must have been so worried, trying just as desperately until his last moments to try and reach Kate. Mallory, you know, would have been more worried for her students, for her girls, than herself. Your parents…fuck. You didn’t even get to tell your parents you love them. The grief is overwhelming, and threatens to swallow you whole.

A hand comes to rest under your chin, lifting your face up from where it’s been hanging in despair. Through tears, you see a figure with blue eyes and golden hair crouched in front of you. Their thumb gently presses on your lip, and you inhale sharply at the pain, the source of which must have been the slap.

“Who did this to you? Was it one of the personnel who brought you here?” he asks, fury in his tone.

“Michael,” you cry out, letting him collect you in his embrace. He’s so comforting, so familiar, that you can forget for a moment that he’s the source of your current agony.

“Oh my love, it’s alright. We’re both safe,” he soothes, rubbing a hand on your back as you sob into his shoulder. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t warn you beforehand, but these plans were extremely confidential.”

That reminds you who it is you’re crying on, and you pull yourself up off of his shoulder. Michael’s looking down at you with all the love in the world in his eyes and frowning just slightly in sympathy for your plight.

Rage, hot and incandescent, floods through your veins.

“You did this, then?” you ask.

He smiles proudly. “As I was born to do.”

“And…everybody’s dead?” Your voice comes out strangled, though you try your hardest to school your emotions.

“Not everybody. Those that managed to earn a spot in an Outpost are all alive and well. There will be a good number of people who were far enough away from blast zones to have survived the initial blast. The fallout will take care of them within a couple years, though.” He shakes his head in pity. “Nasty thing, nuclear fallout. If exposed for even a few minutes, cancer and sores can easily develop. Mutations as well.”

That sounds horrifying. However morbid it may be, for the sake of those you love, you hope that the blasts killed them.

The look on your face must match how you’re feeling, because Michael quickly takes your hands in his. “I know, it sounds terrible. But their deaths were necessary! They fulfill a purpose.”

“And what purpose is that?”

“To cleanse the world and remake it in my father’s image, for you and I to rule as we see fit.”

A wave of nausea takes over you, and you have to close your eyes and breathe deeply to keep from becoming sick. You stand, backing away from Michael as quickly as you can. He tries to follow, but you hold your hands out in front of you to stop him from coming any closer.

“You bastard,” you whisper.

His eyebrows furrow in confusion. “What?”

You look up at him, fire in your eyes. “You. Bastard.”

“You don’t really mean that.” You can’t tell if he’s in disbelief or if he’s challenging you to repeat that.

“Yes, I do. You killed them! You killed all of them, for no good reason—”

“You know the reason!” he yells, grabbing onto your upper arms and pulling you to him. Though you try to fight your way out of his grasp, your resistance is futile. “I am doing this for us,” he hisses. “So that we can have the future we’ve dreamed about, the future that we’ve earned with our hard work.”

“This is not the future I dreamed about.” You shove him away, making him glare at you as though you’re his enemy.

Your Michael, the one that you know and love, is nowhere to be seen. Gone is the Michael that would tell you everything. The Michael that researched grad schools as though he was the one that would be attending, the Michael that took a body shot off of you, the Michael that lit up the first time that he saw fireflies, the Michael that loved Valentine’s Day because it meant that he got to shower you in love and there was nothing you could do about it.

Now, there’s a man wearing your husband’s face, who stands before you unrepentant and assured in his actions. This stranger has been completely and utterly corrupted by his father, and in such a short amount of time. As it turns out, all of your hard work only served to send him quicker into the throes of darkness.

  “I don’t know who you are anymore,” you say, tears welling in your eyes for the umpteenth time today.

“This is who I have always been,” he proclaims proudly. “You just haven’t wanted to see it.”

“You’re a fucking monster.” Amidst all of the uncertainty that you’re currently faced with, through all of the horror you’ve been forced to endure in one day, this is what you can be certain of.

Michael smiles patronizingly, as though you’re a mere child who insists that the bogeyman is real and he’s the adult that knows better. “You’ll come to your senses. Just give it some time.”

He grabs your hand against your will, bringing it to his lips and kissing the back of it. 

“Soon, our reign begins.”

//

Tag List: @thatonehumanbeing05 @xavierplympton @hecohansen31 @blakescoven @wroteclassicaly @we-did-it-joe @codycrazy @love-on-the-murder-scene @michaellangdonswhore @nsainmoonchild @langdonsjoyy @aftertheglitterfades @ferndolan @iamlivingforturner @moonlike333 @narwhal-swimmingintheocean @angiestopit @littleangel4996 @xo-angel-ox @ajokeformur-ray

(I really don't know why I still do a tag list. Habit, I suppose.)

[ladyloveandjustice]

i really wish people on that "does it like women" blog would only vote on polls for media they're actually familiar with instead of just basing their opinions on what others are saying in the notes... like if you haven't watched/played/read something isn't that what the see results button is for? personally i only ever vote on a poll i know nothing about if it's like "who's the best video cat: fluffy from jrpg #1 vs skrunkly from jrpg #2" and my mutual is strongly campaigning for skrunkly on my dash, because i figure that's just a silly fun thing. and even some of the does it like women polls for media i am familiar with i end up not voting in because i feel too conflicted about it. the soul eater poll is a good example actually, i want to say yes because imo maka is an awesome protagonist who's pretty unique for the genre she's in but like you said in your tags, there are also a lot of reasons to vote no! and this is coming from someone who loves soul eater and has both watched the anime and read the manga!

Yeah...it's weird to me. I don't see why that gives anyone more of a high to click yes or no rather than the see results button, like yeah it feels good to vote on this type of thing, but only when I have an informed opinion that comes from my own heart. And if you really want to vote, that seems like a good opportunity to uh, just check out whatever the media is. Even watching or reading for fifteen minutes will give some kind of impression that's better than just vibes or someone else saying something. It'll still probably be inaccurate in a lot of cases, but at least it'll be based off something.

I am fortunate in that I've watched and read a lot of stuff though, and I did instinctively click yes on like, Billy and Mandy based soley off the vague childhood memory that Mandy was straight up evil and I support women's wrongs, but there was actually probably a bunch of shit in that show I don't remember, so it's not like i can say I'm ALWAYS fully informed. And sometimes I use tags to refresh my memory. "I can't remember what this did bad...okay from the tags I now remember" I am by no means a purist, I just think the point of the poll is opinions from people who actually interacted with the media or at the very least know so much about it against your will through internet osmosis that you might as well have watched ten episodes (me and Supernatural) (I have seen plenty of clips along with fastidious episode summaries and story breakdowns and so many goddamn tumblr posts so that counts for me. I'll be damned if I don't have a right to an opinion after living through the indundation of 2013 tumblr. I didn't vote on Doctor Who though despite basically the same, that seemed like more of a tossup for whatever generation it was and I didn't feel even the massive amount of knowledge i've somehow accrued was enough to make a blanket assessment).

Anyway, even if it's not that serious, it's an earnest question that you're supposed to put actual thought into, and that's why I enjoy it so much.

I don't want to get too annoyed with it, just like I try not to with the results. At the end of the day it's the internet and just a difference in approach that I won't ever understand.

I like Soul Eater too, don't get me wrong! I have fond memories. The manga definitely fell off for me at the end (and I skipped over a lot of the early chapters because I'd seen the anime, knew it had cut out quite a few pantyshots, and I wasn't dealing with those), I actually prefer the anime original ending, despite how basic it was (especially in Crona's case god why did the manga never give them a break). Just nice to see my girl win the day by punching someone really hard.

But I enjoyed it and I still adore Maka. There's still no enough action shonen out there that have a female main character for it not to be kinda special. But god. imagine a world where it cared about its female supporting cast's development more than boobs. or storytelling more than boobs, in a lot of cases.

[kmgkmg]

GOOD RIDDANCE, A NEW TIME - JOSHUA HONG

word count: 4.7k... (my longest fic yet!!)

pairing: joshua x gn!reader x jihoon (for the first half)

synopsis: it’s the start of the new year and you’re spending it with a wildly attractive stranger in a leather jacket. 

genre/s: angst (for the first half), fluff, non-idol!au

warnings: alcohol mention, cheating mention, angst

rating: pg-13

a/n: my first joshua fic! i hope y’all enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it :D!! this is another submission for k-vanity’s season’s greetings event! theme: formal, accessories/extras: new years eve, holiday party, resolutions, transition. the title comes from the song good riddance, a new time by laica!

“You have got to be kidding me, Y/N.” Jihoon sighs, his irritation quickly becoming evident. 

“Aren’t we supposed to get off two stops from now?” You ask your boyfriend, confusingly looking at your phone and the maps app that was open. 

“No! We should’ve gotten off at the stop the driver just drove past.” He slid back into his seat, beginning to tap his foot impatiently. 

Who would’ve thought that your navigation app would misguide you, but you could tell that your boyfriend’s anger was growing by the second and nearly going to burst. The other occupants of the bus were looking at both of you, causing you to nervously look down at your phone and the incorrect directions once again. You wished that you could explain that his loud voice towards you wasn’t a regular thing to the people watching, but you knew that would only upset him more. Jihoon was always pretty understanding when it came to you, but lately he became snappy. You figured he had been more susceptible to emotional outbursts since he was rushing to meet the deadline for producing a new singer’s album, so you could only look at him apologetically and press the button to alert the bus driver that you wanted to get off at the next stop. 

You had persuaded him with much effort to attend the New Years Eve party your mutual friend, Soonyoung, was throwing, hoping it would be the most opportune time for him to destress. It’s understandable to be upset, you thought to yourself. Especially when you were the cause of the two of you to be running late. You had recently bought a washer and dryer, sick of needing to visit the laundromat when the nearest one was a forty minute bus ride away. The problem with these new appliances is that the outfit you planned to wear for the party was still damp when Jihoon informed you that he was waiting in your apartment complex’s lobby. You still find it comical how you found anything and everything that matched Soonyoung’s party theme of ‘New Beginnings’, before haphazardly selecting articles of clothing. 

The bus takes a slight turn to the right and abruptly stops, indicating that it was your stop to get off. You’re torn from your thoughts of earlier and look beside you, only to see Jihoon’s spot was vacant. He was already at the bus’ door and asking the driver to open the exit. You frown, unused to him ignoring you, but regardless get up from your seat and leave the bus. Promptly putting on a smile, you hurriedly try to catch up to Jihoon, who was walking at an overwhelmingly fast pace. He was busy on his phone, probably texting Soonyoung to inform him that you would be late. 

“How good do you think the music will be this year? Last year’s music was awful, but I feel like that was because Chan ordered a random local DJ to perform. At least Hansol is going to be in control today.” You try to start conversation, cautiously glancing at his expression and attempting to read the mood between the two of you. 

Silence fills the air as he continues to walk at his hasty pace, before he finally looks up from his screen, exciting you for the potential interest you sparked. 

“Why would I care about music when I’m not working? God Y/N, you are so dense.” His tired expression and monotonous tone leave you flustered, resulting in another apology, yet this time it was quietly muttered. Silence suddenly fell onto the two of you again and the rest of the walk was finished with the complete absence of words. 

The music can be heard nearly a block away, but the familiar tunes of popular songs amongst your friend group causes you to feel a bit more at ease with yourself and the night. The queue to get into the club was snaking around the corner and you felt extremely grateful that your friends had rented out a section of the venue. Jihoon gives the bouncer your names and the worker checks their list before nodding and letting you both enter. Walking in Jihoon makes a beeline for the bar, leaving you alone once again. Sighing, you start to search for Soonyoung’s reserved table by yourself and prepare yourself for a stressful night. 

You hear a voice that you’re accustomed to before you feel an arm sling around your shoulders. “Y/N, the one and only! My favorite fellow moodmaker is finally here, and with Producer Woozi!” Seungkwan slurringly shouts to express his joy at your arrival, before grabbing your shoulders with each of his hands to look you straight in the eyes. His face turns serious and you prepare for what he’s going to say before he hiccups, “You know we love you, right?” 

You laugh at his drunken antics and hug him, before nearly jumping out of your skin at the sound of another familiar voice behind the two of you. 

“Jihoon finally decided to take a break from his work and we have you to thank for that.” Breaking from your hug with the intoxicated Seungkwan, you turn around and see Seungcheol waving at you with a smirk grin. He told the group chat that he wasn’t going to be able to attend since he would be abroad when the party was going to happen, so his appearance was entirely unexpected. But he loved surprising you guys and he had successfully done just that. You enthusiastically wave back at your friend, having your mood drastically improve from earlier when you were alone with Jihoon. 

“Where is he by the way?” Seungcheol asks and Seungkwan’s arched eyebrows prove that he was equally as curious to know where their other friend was. You point to the bar, expecting him to be there, and he was sitting near the end, already having three empty glasses in front of him. 

His presence was intimidating enough to make you all aware that you should leave him alone for the time being. Sensing your regained sadness, Seungkwan looks to Seungcheol and points with his head to the dancefloor. 

Noticing Seungkwan’s hint, Seungcheol begins to ask if you’d wanna dance together but is discouraged to finish his sentence when you sit back on one of the club’s sofas. Wonwoo, who has been keeping you company, gives the guys an urgent look to lift your spirits. The three of them look at each other and shrug, unsure of what to do with the awkward tension between their friend group’s favorite couple, you and Jihoon. As if on cue, Hansol turns on one of your favorite songs and your ears perk up and eyes sparkle as if you were a kid who just got gifted their favorite candy. 

“No way, did one of you tell Hansol to play this? I love you guys!” You were easy to satisfy and your three friends thanked Hansol and fate for playing the song at the right time. You run to the dance floor, making sure to motion for your friends to follow you and soon enough the four of you were dancing and enjoying yourselves to the beat of the song. 

The party ended up being more fun than you originally thought it would be and although you arrived at 8:30, three hours had passed in the blink of an eye. The clock was ticking, time was dwindling, and in thirty minutes it would officially be a new year. A while ago you stopped dancing and you noticed that Jihoon was still sitting at the bar with one more empty glass. Making your way over to the bar, you gently placed your hand on top of his as he maintained a blank expression on his face. 

“Babe, did you say hi to Seungcheol yet? He fooled all of us and actually showed up tonight!” You inform your boyfriend, laughing at how surprised you were. 

“Yeah, he came over some time ago.” He replied simply. 

“Oh nice!” You smile at him, taking a seat and ordering a mocktail since you didn’t really want to drink when Jihoon had already drank multiple drinks. 

“3…2…1… Happy New Year!” The whole club erupted into cheers as people began to kiss whoever was next to them, a tradition that you always found to be one of the cutest. 

“Happy New Year!” You exclaim, leaning towards Jihoon to kiss him, only for him to turn away from you. Confused, but blaming it on the alcohol in his system you put a hand on his cheek, you then tried to go in for a more lighthearted kiss on the cheek, but he still dodged your affection. 

“Stop, Y/N. Let’s break up.” 

His words hit you like arrows piercing through your heart and the music felt deafening now. “You’re drunk, I’ll take you back to your place and we can talk in the morning when you’re sober.” You reason, struggling to conceal the hurt that he had caused you to feel throughout the night. 

He turns back towards you, with an alarmingly scary expression. “You know my tolerance is high. I’m serious, Y/N, I don’t want to be with you anymore. I’ve been seeing someone else for about two months, we really aren’t compatible.”

“You’ve been cheating on me?” Tears begin to well up in your eyes and you find yourself standing up from the seat you were positioned in next to him. 

“Don’t act like you aren’t all over our friends, instead of being with me this whole time you’ve been hanging out with them.” 

His reply leaves you speechless, dumbfounded even. “How is hugging my friends who I’ve known for years, able to be compared to you cheating on me? I wouldn’t have needed to spend time with them if I had an attentive boyfriend. I never expected you to be fully energized going to this event, but I surely didn’t anticipate that you would give me the cold-shoulder for the entirety of the night either. You didn’t even wait for me to get off the bus together, Jihoon.” 

“Well, I’ve made this decision a long time ago. We aren’t together anymore.” He shakes his head, irritated at your futile attempts to salvage your relationship. 

“You really think relationships can be ended unilaterally?” You whimper, turning into a mess because of his damaging words. 

“So you’re going to force me to stay with you? What type of relationship is that, Y/N? Relationships do end unilaterally all the time, it’s called getting dumped.” He runs a hand through his hair, frustrated that you weren’t giving up as easily as he predicted. Almost as if he had timed it, a girl walks to him and interlocks her arm with his and whispers something in his ear, arousing a laugh from him. “Are you starting to comprehend the situation better, Y/N?” He triumphantly asks you, making it the final nail in the coffin. Your sadness is now mixed with anger, and he walks off with the unidentified girl, once again leaving you alone. 

You stand by yourself, reflecting on all that had happened and it all transpired when it was still less than fifteen minutes into the new year. “Wow, alright.”

You can sense that your friends were watching the whole scene play out and you couldn’t help but feel uneasy at the thought of being soothed by them. You know that this break up wouldn’t break up your friendship with the other guys, especially since you had introduced some of them to Jihoon, but knowing that didn’t make the fresh heartbreak hurt any less. You needed to get away from this club, away from Jihoon. Granted he wasn’t in your eyes’ sight, but you weren’t about to risk the chance of seeing his tongue down some girl’s throat. 

You walk out of the club, having friends call out for you to come back inside. You knew it wasn’t smart to go out by yourself, especially since it was cold and late at night, but being in the club was too painful. How could Jihoon be so cruel? Thoughts racing in your head, you find yourself experiencing intense dizziness. Swiftly, you sit on the outside steps of a nearby building, putting your head in your hands to calm down. Panting can be heard from two people and you know they’re your friends. Sitting on the steps near you, you prepare yourself for whatever pep talk they thought of. 

“Y/N, please come back inside.” Seungkwan begs as Wonwoo puts your coat over your shoulders and begins to rub your back. 

“I don’t want to go back and see him.” You state, defeated. 

Wonwoo and Seungkwan exchange looks, unable to figure out how to make you feel better. “At least let one of us drive you back to your place. Or we can take the bus with you back?” Wonwoo proposes, causing you to feel slightly warmer at the extent to which your friends cared for you.

“I’ll be better, I just need some time to myself. I have a pretty full battery for my phone and I can keep in contact with y’all throughout the night to ensure I’m safe. I had no drinks tonight, you know I’m responsible. Go, have fun at the party Hansol is DJing at.” You manage to lift your head from your hands and smile softly at the two friends in your view. 

They sympathetically looked at you, understanding you wanted to be alone. “Okay, we’ll respect what you want, but if anything happens don’t hesitate to call any of us. We are all on your side, I can’t believe he would do that, and today of all days. The fucking audacity he has.” Seungkwan accepts your plans for the night and huffs in exasperation at Jihoon’s actions. 

“Sounds good, thank you guys. Really.” You say before watching as they walked back in the direction of the club’s loud music. 

Hearing three guys chat with each other, you continue staring at the pavement of the stairs. “Dude, we know your birthday is always overshadowed by New Years but we should still go have fun! It’s only a little past two, the night is ours.” 

You overhear their conversation, not meaning to eavesdrop, but they were right in front of you and definitely weren’t whispering. You stayed quiet, hoping they would eventually walk away until noticing one of them wearing converse with small four leaf clovers painted on the white front part. “Oh, is it my lucky day then?” You chuckle to yourself, fed up with the irony of seeing such a sign, unaware of how loud your rhetorical question came out of your mouth. 

Amused at the comment on his shoes, Joshua motions for his friends to stop talking for a minute, taking in the image of you on his apartment’s stairs, looking about as rough of a condition that he felt. He figured asking if you felt alright was a question doomed for failure, anyone could tell how dejected you are. Instead, he decided to be straightforward. 

“What happened?” 

You’re surprised that four leaf clover shoes is talking to you, and even more surprised when you look up and see three insanely unrealistic attractive men in front of you. The one in the center being four leaf clover shoes, wearing a leather jacket that only added to his hotness factor. But then again, it’s late at night and stranger danger is always a good code to live by. 

“Who, who are you?” You countered instead of answering his question. The three guys look at each other before grasping the situation and realizing they must’ve looked intimidating to you. 

“Sorry,” the four leaf clover shoes apologizes, “this is Jeonghan,” he introduces the guy on his right, “this is Mingyu,” he introduces the guy on his left, and finishes with himself,  “and I’m Joshua. I live in the building that you’re currently sitting on the steps of.” His explanation of why he was on the steps with you instantly makes you jump up onto your feet, before stumbling at the dizziness that hadn’t diminished since you left the club. 

Joshua’s amusement quickly becomes worry as he catches you from nearly tripping down the stairs. Tonight was truly not your night, he thinks to himself. 

Mingyu tries to stifle his laugh before carelessly commenting, “Woah, someone must’ve had a lot of drinks tonight.” He didn’t mean for his sloppy judgment of you to be said out loud, but he had a few drinks already and was way beyond the tipsy state. Still, he knew well enough to recognize when he messed up and covered his mouth with his hands, clearly remorseful at his inner thoughts coming out. His clumsiness wasn’t anything new, but it still earned him mean looks from Joshua and Jeonghan, never failing to be shocked at their younger friend. 

“I actually didn’t have any drinks.” You defend yourself while regaining your composure and leaning on the handrail next to you. 

“Well, do you want to be left alone or taken to a nearby hospital to get checked out? Or would you rather go out with us?” Joshua inquires, not realizing that you thought he offered a health checkup and getting drunk in the same breath. 

You laugh at the absurdity of the questions being asked, but drinking with them didn’t seem like the worst thing right now. “Sure, I could use a drink.” 

Joshua blinks at Jeonghan and Mingyu and they respond with knowing looks, both aware that when Joshua meant go out he meant eat with them at their favorite 24-hour restaurant down the street. Since his birthday was so close to New Years, he never was a huge fan of partying all night. Nevertheless, he didn’t want to casually deny you from drinking, especially when you were feeling the way you were. Their plans were to catch up on the latest season of one of the series on Netflix that everyone had been talking about on social media for the past week, but Netflix can wait. He could sense that you needed companionship right now above everything else.

“Um, what type of drinks are you looking to have?” He starts to ask, before a phone suddenly rings. 

Jeonghan pulls his phone out of his jeans pocket and picks up the call, unable to hear his friend past the blaring music of what he assumed to be a club. “Seungcheol? What are you saying, I can’t hear a single word you’re trying to tell me.” 

Your eyes darted to the man who stood farther from you to accept his call, not expecting to hear the mention of your friend’s name. “You’re friends with Seungcheol? Choi Seungcheol?” 

Now it was Jeonghan’s turn to be surprised as he removed his phone from his ear, “How do you know Seungcheol?”

“He’s my friend! Could you tell him I’m still safe?” You request, happy to know that you had mutual friends with these three strangers. 

“Sure,” Jeonghan replies, returning to his phone call with his friend before noticing they never asked what your name was. “What’s your name by the way?”

“Y/N L/N!” You respond, waiting for him to be done with his conversation so you could drink with them. 

“Seungcheol, Y/N L/N is with us right now and they’re still safe. They wanted you to know that, I really can’t hear you though. If you need me, or them, just text us.” Jeonghan practically yells into his phone, before ending the call. Exhausted from the unexpected use of his energy, Jeonghan looks at the three of you with a more haggard expression on his face. “I should go pick him up. Whenever he calls me, 99.99% of the time it means that he got hammered and needs me to take care of him.” He groans and the fact that Jeonghan knew Seungcheol’s drunk habits made you feel even more comfortable with the guys in front of you. 

“Him and Soonyoung really are the clingiest when they drink, huh?” You agree, nodding to yourself at the thought of your drunk friends. 

“How do you know them by the way?” Mingyu asks, confused since he never ran into you at parties or other events. 

“I’ve known some of them since high school, others in the friend group I met through Jihoon. It’s easy to get acquainted with your boyfriend’s friends– or should I say ex-boyfriend now, ha.” You explain, turning uncomfortable at the mention of your freshly established ex. 

Mingyu makes an ‘O’ shape with his mouth, “You were Jihoon’s partner? They talked about you all the time, when did you change your hair from the ruby color he always talked about?” 

Your face twists in confusion, letting the truth of Jihoon cheating on you finally set in. “Oh, that must be the person he was cheating on me with. I’ve had this hair color for the past year.” You grab a strand of your hair while looking at it seemingly unbothered, as the three men in front of you are left flustered by your nonchalant energy. 

“Sorry, we should really go pick up Seungcheol, Y/N. Also Jihoon is absolute trash for cheating on you, we’ve only met you tonight but you seem way too good for him.” Jeonghan glares at Mingyu again for speaking before thinking, that was one of his resolutions to fix for the new year. Jeonghan pulled Mingyu down the stairs and waved goodbye to you, leaving the disoriented Joshua alone with you.

A silence fills the air, a limitless amount more comfortable than the silence you experienced with Jihoon earlier in the night. You both begin to speak at the same time, causing an overlap and making both of you laugh at your impeccable timing. “You first.” He offers, but you shake your head and motion for him to speak first. 

“Well, where would you wanna go?” He asks. 

“Somewhere that you feel at peace.” You stated, hoping your night would get better. 

The first place he brought you was a diner about three blocks from the building he lived in. Even though it was New Years Eve weekend and everyone was outside partying, the diner seemed to function in a completely separate dimension. Its interior was a bit barren, making it seem like a prime example of a stock photo when someone would search liminal spaces on the internet. However, being with Joshua the diner still gave off welcoming energy. The heater was also on, warming you up on this cold winter night. 

He took the initiative to choose a booth and greeted a waiter that he seemed to know. So he was a regular here, good to know. Giving a menu to you first, he pointed out his favorite items off the menu, asking what your preferences were and altering his recommendations to fit what he thinks you’d like. You wanted to pay attention to what he was saying, but something about him made it impossible for you to look away from his face. Not realizing how long you were staring, Joshua had looked up to see you in what he assumed to be a zoned out state. 

“Y/N?” Your name being said makes you stop staring at him and quickly look down at the menu, trying to play it off that you were shamelessly checking him out. 

He smirks, trying to lighten the mood. “Do I have something on my face?” 

Before you can reply, the waiter comes to your table asking if you were ready to order. You internally sigh to yourself, relieved that you didn’t have to answer him. Joshua looked at you, expecting you to order what you wanted to eat, but you hadn’t paid attention to the menu since you were too focused on his face. “I’ll get the same as whatever you’re getting.” You mumble as your embarrassment only continues to grow by the minute. 

He nods, placing the order before handing his friend the menus and leaning back. “Do you want to talk about what happened tonight?” He carefully asks, not sure how serious the events that occurred were. 

You normally wouldn’t talk about your feelings, especially to a stranger, but something about him was different. He had the kindest eyes you’ve seen, eyes that look as if they would understand you even if you shared your deepest and darkest secret. “Well, it started with my dryer not working…” 

Hours passed and multiple glasses had been emptied between the two of you. Neither of you were drunk, although you had been with him for a long time all of the empty glasses were from smoothies. The diner was also known for its smoothie flavors, a dessert that you loved to consume. Your food had long since been devoured, with the only remains being cold fries. You learned he had grown up in LA and only moved to this city a couple of years ago so he wasn’t as well acquainted with your other friends like Jeonghan and Mingyu were. He continued to go on about his life and the recent happenings, even revealing that his last heartbreak was about four months ago when his ex confessed they cheated on him. His similar experiences only bonded the two of you quicker, and you found yourself sharing even the most cringeworthy stories with him. You liked how free he made you feel, you could say anything and still not have to worry about how he perceived you. 

Joshua holds up his final smoothie of the night and begins to toast, "Good riddance to Jihoon, and here's to a new time, a better year!” He smiles at you, downing the remnants of his drink and paying the waiter for your food. You offered to pay half, considering you spent way more than you expected, but he adamantly refused. 

“I was the one who invited you out, wasn’t I?” He concludes, holding the door as you both walk out of the diner with the sun starting to rise. The approaching sunrise made the city look anew once again and although you got your heart broken earlier, you felt refreshed. You had been through hell and back for the last day of the past year, but you were grateful that you could begin the new year with your newfound friend. A clean slate, with a sincerely caring person was what you needed and words could not articulate how thankful you were for Joshua’s presence. 

“Let me take you home, only if you’re comfortable with me doing so.” As you were about to walk to the nearest bus stop that offered your route, Joshua’s voice interrupted your thoughts. 

“You would do that?” Once again, you’re touched by his attentiveness to you. He only nods in response, smiling at you again.

The bus ride back to your apartment was more relaxing than any other bus ride you’ve had before. Somehow, the fifty minute commute was satisfying to experience today. Knowing that you had today off, seeing the city before everyone was fully awake was a consoling way to start the new year. It was an added bonus that you got to spend more time with Joshua. Soon enough, you were near your apartment complex and you hit the button to get off. Joshua trailed behind you, stopping at the bus stop to wait for the next bus back to his place. Seeing how he didn’t expect anything and genuinely wanted to make sure you were safe made your heart beat faster, and you decided that if it was the new year, you weren’t going to live with regrets. Although you had been walking to your building, you turned on your heels to walk back to him. He was patiently waiting at the stop, clearly tired from the night, but that sight of him only made you more certain that you were interested in him. Tapping his shoulder and making him jump slightly made you giggle, but his face soon softened upon seeing you. Anytime he smiled at you, it made your heart beat even faster. 

“Did you forget something?” He innocently wondered, standing up in your presence.

“Yeah…you actually. Do you want to stay over for breakfast?” You boldly suggested, pleased with his reaction when his face lit up and he shook his head in agreement. 

Maybe it was your lucky day after all. The new year was going to be memorable, you could tell.

[silver-pieces]

mandalorian’s mercy part nine

Previously ‘Are You Cold?’

Pairing: Alpha!Din x (afab) omega!fem!reader

Word Count: 7k

Synopsis: Yearning, desire, and consequences.

Warnings: 18+, minors dni, smut (MF, masturbation, dirty talk, omegaverse heats & ruts, breeding kink, sub/dom dynamic) a/b/o dynamics, tw: food

A/N: I just want to say again, thankyou to everyone for all of the love & support on this fic, it has made me so so happy 💕. I’m planning to post part 10, the finale, soon. As always, if you like my writing, please reblog. I hope you enjoy...

Divider ❊ Masterlist ❊ More Din ❊ Taglist

Part Eight < Series Masterlist > Part Ten

You’re thinking about him again.

In your hand sits the communicator Din gave you, the smooth curved shape now so familiar it’s etched in your brain. Your thumb runs over the buttons as you let your mind wander, drifting off to memories of him, of your Alpha, the attractive sound of his deep laughter and the warm secure grip of his hand around your waist.

A soft nudge to your side takes you out of it. “Hey.”

You blink. “Sorry, Anuma.” Shit. You run your hand over your face and stifle a groan. There’s still so much work to be done.

The Twi’lek sitting next to you knows better than to touch you again, but she peers at you with those sharp, discerning eyes, and although most of her features are masked, somehow you know she’s frowning. “You need to nest.”

A pang of fear goes through you. That word. You shake your head. “No, no, I’m not there yet.”

“Fine.” She sighs. “Take the water out then, you’re clearly of no use in here anymore.”

Heat rushes to your face. You look down at the table; the large pile of coin that should have already been counted up and stashed away still untouched. You stand and back away from the corner desk. “Sorry. I’ll - water...”

She regards you with a disapproving look, then turns back to the task, shaking her head and muttering to herself in Twi’leki.

You step up to the kitchen sink, the sound of clicking credits filling the room as she takes over your job.

Her office is still nothing but a small corner desk and a safe tucked into the nook of the kitchen. It’s makeshift, but there’s so many other things in this den that take priority when it comes to upgrades.

The kitchen itself has been a massive project, a job that took you most of the month to complete. Now, setting your eyes on the results of your hard work, you feel hopeful. It’s not great, but it’s a lot better than before.

The tap water is luxuriously cool. You splash some on your face to cool down, providing a brief respite from the heat clawing beneath your skin. You stare at your flushed reflection in the water and try not to burst into tears, or laughter.

The mood-swings that accompany your heat seem worse than last time. It’s incredibly draining, helping out with the den, one minute feeling happy and flirty and lighter than air, and the next, yearning for your Alpha hitting you like a punch to the gut until you feel like sinking to the floor and crying your eyes out.

No, it wasn’t like this last time. Last time, you were freshly off the blockers. This time, you’ve had a whole month without them.

As you go to leave the room with the tray in hand, Anuma blocks your path, a bottle of pills in her hand. “Please, take one.”

You brush her aside. “We’ve had this conversation.”

“There’s no need to torture yourself without an Alpha.”

You grit your teeth, hand on the doorknob, wishing she wouldn’t call it torture. “Save it for someone in need.” You open the door and step out.

“And what will your Alpha think?”

You halt midstep, some of the water spilling over the edges of the cups. Stars dammit, why did you ever tell her about what happened with Din?

She rounds you, arms crossed. The cloying scent of incense fills your lungs. “You already lied to him about your location, what do you think he’s going to do when he - ”

“It’s not about him,” you protest.

She gives you a look.

You sigh, gripping the tray a little tighter. “When I see those blockers, I see myself a month ago, completely unprepared to go into heat and desperate for blockers which you didn’t have. Sure, I had a trustworthy Alpha in the end, but what about the next Omega who walks through those doors?”

She casts her gaze down to the floor and sighs.

“I came here to help,” you continue. “So, please, stop tempting me with them. We only have a limited supply.”

She hesitates, before pocketing them. “I just... don’t want to see you in pain.” Flicking her eyes back up to you, you see a vulnerable side of her she rarely allows anyone to see.

You force the part of you that’s afraid deep down, and square your shoulders. “We set up the nests for this very situation. I promise, I’ll be fine.”

You already lied to him about your location - 

You push her voice out of your head. You can’t think about that, not without being sucked into a downward spiral of anxiety and guilt and hormones.

People take water from the tray as you make the rounds through the den. Though the room itself is fairly big, it’s overflowing with Betas and Omegas seeking refuge every night. Still, the place has been improved a lot over the past few weeks.

For one, it smells a lot nicer now. Where there was once a dirt floor and simple fabric partitions, there’s now clean beds and privacy screens.

Your tray is light as you reach one of the employees, an Omega woman who showed up a few days ago and has been working here since. She never gave anyone her name, but you feel like you can trust her, like her eyes convey an air of strength and certainty.

She’s folding sheets and humming when you find her.

“Hey you, thirsty?” you say as you approach with the tray.

She stiffens, then turns to you with a raised eyebrow. “It’s you.”

“What?”

“That tangy scent,” she says, approaching to take a drink. “Normally we’ve relocated any Omega that smells like that into one of the nests. Are you sure you should be here, boss?”

“Not the boss,” you insist.

She shrugs, lifting the cup to her lips and taking a long drink.

You shift on your feet. “I don’t want to nest,” you confess. “It doesn’t feel right.”

Finishing the water, she sets the empty cup back on the tray and wipes her mouth. “You want my advice, boss?”

You nod.

She looks at you straight. “Stop waiting for it to feel right. Omegas cannot afford to be picky, and a nest is never going to feel right without an Alpha to make it for.”

An Alpha to make it for. Your knees go a little weak, and you can’t help the way your thoughts flick to him again. That’s it, little Omega. Make me another nest. His voice, clear as day.

A bolt of heat lunges through your veins. It’s sudden and brutal, and you gasp in pain. “Oh - stars!” The scent of your slick permeates the air.

“Shhhit,” the Omega curses, lifting the tray from your hands. “I think it’s here, boss. Come on and we’ll get you to a nest.”

Your stomach turns. She leads you away from the den, towards the back door which used to be a storage room. Now cleared and divided into private nesting spaces, it serves as a place for Omegas in heat to retreat to. Maker willing, the den would always have enough blockers to prevent anyone from going into heat, but there are always situations outside of your control.

The makeshift nests are designed to be scentless and comfortable, but also practical and cost-efficient. The intention behind it was to ease the pain of an untended Omega in heat, but now, all you feel is insulted as you’re lowered into one by the girl who calls you boss.

Nests are instinctual - special. You never made one before Din.

“No, it’s not right,” you gasp, sweating with heat and aching to your core. “Not without him here.”

“Try and sleep through it,” she says, fixing the sheets of the nest in a way which annoys you.

“Won’t help,” you murmur, curling in on yourself as a cramp hits you, and already you feel your eyes pricking with tears. “I’ll just dream about him.” Like you’ve been doing every night since you left him.

She narrows her eyes at you, standing up. “Who is ‘he’?”

Tears wet your cheeks. “Just an Alpha.”

“Ah.” Pity flashes in her eyes.

“What, no advice on how to get through this without him?”

She shrugs. “I wouldn’t know.”

You nod and curl back in on yourself. Her scent isn’t offensive, but like most Omega scents, it doesn’t appeal to you, and you find having her here both irritates you and distracts you from your heat.

“You know the drill,” she says from the doorway. “Meals will be delivered through the hatch. There’ll be morning checkups, so try to cover up after breakfast. And try and keep the noise down if you can.”

“Yeah, thanks.” Leave me alone now.

She shuts the door.

You bury your face into the stiff, odourless pillow and let out a whine. Heat floods between your legs. Your channel contracts around nothing, and your muscles tense and groan in dissatisfaction.

You’ve been through your heat without an Alpha before, but this time is different. This time, you know what you’re missing. You have memories to torture yourself with.

It’s too late to go on blockers now. You chose this. But you didn’t expect this level of desperation and pain so soon, so brutal. Fuck.

Soon, the heat gets too much, so you divest yourself of your clothes and dig yourself further into the nest, rubbing your needy scent on the sheets as much as possible.

Time loses meaning.

The room is dark and bare and silent.

The memory of his scent calls to you - a phantom scent that you remember well now that it’s missing.

It hurts.

It hurts so much that you feel paralysed by the pain and the discomfort, unable to move until there’s a knock on the door and food pushed through the hatch.

The scent of dinner food crawls over your skin and invades your nostrils, causing your instincts to go haywire. Wrong.

The thought of eating is about as unappetising as it could possibly get, but there’s a quiet, filtered voice in your head that reminds you that you need to keep your energy up, so you wolf it down in miserable silence and then shove the empty plate back through the door and lean forward to rest your head on the cool durasteel, temporarily abandoning your nest.

You breathe deeply, trying to calm your emotions, but the urge to cry is getting harder to resist. It’s hard to believe you’re only a few hours into this torture.

When the food has settled and you’ve cooled down as much as possible, you turn back to your nest, eyeing it in the dim light with disdain.

Your clothes lay strewn to the side, discarded over your nest in a way that feels unsatisfying. You’re not sure it will help, but maybe if you incorporate them into the nest properly...

Your hands move quickly as you fixate on the task you’ve given yourself. There’s enough slick slowly dripping between your legs that you decide to avoid putting your nice clothes in that region, instead opting to layer the fabrics nearer to your head so you can breathe in the scent more. It’s no Alpha scent, but it calms the territorial side of you to mark this place as your own.

Your hand catches on an object in one of the pockets in your clothes. The circular device can only be one thing - the communicator Din gave you.

Din.

A wave of sudden need hits you, overcoming everything else, and you find yourself abandoning your task, eagerly taking the communicator out of the clothes and propping it on a pillow almost reverently.

With a press of a button, the device lights up and you’re able to go through your encrypted messages. You bite your lip, anticipation rising.

Are you safe?

The latest message from Din, sent tonight, appears on the screen.

You melt at his words, and for that matter, slick is gushing from your pussy worse than before. You have to close your eyes and breathe through the pain for a moment.

The same message has been sent to you every day, but it never comes at exactly the same time, which is why you’ve resorted to carrying it around with you. It’s become your most treasured possession, the damned device burning a hole in your pocket as you help run the den.

Shit, the timecode indicates this was sent hours ago. This might just be the longest you’ve gone without responding. And if Din suspects something is wrong, he might try to find you on Minnoth.

Those thoughts are vague, distant worries that briefly concern you before you get swept up in your heat again. Your mind whirls, your instincts screaming at you Alpha, Alpha, Alpha, and your finger hovers over a second button. The forbidden one. The one he told you not to touch unless it was an emergency. Live holo.

This is an emergency, the hormonal side of you argues.

But then he’ll find out. He’ll know you didn’t go on blockers, and he’ll know you left Minnoth. He might come looking for you.

Your thighs squeeze together at the thought, because fuck, the thought of him coming for you is enticing, and suddenly you’re struggling to remember why you shouldn’t press the button.

It’s not encrypted, Din will freak out, and besides, you’re supposed to be avoiding talking to each other as much as possible. All very logical, important arguments.

But right now, you don’t care about any of that. There’s a deep, instinctual feeling within you, urging you to call him and tell him everything.

Your Alpha will make everything okay.

You press the button before you can talk yourself out of it.

“Stars, what am I doing?” you mutter to yourself, as you wait for him to pick up. Your mind’s gone blank, and you can’t remember why the little voice in your head is crying this is a mistake! Dread grows in your gut, but so does excitement, and need.

Then the hologram finally lights up, bathing the room in a soft electric glow.

Your breath stops as you take in the image of Din, live. He’s clearly sitting, leant forward over his holo, wearing nothing but a loose undershirt and his helmet.

“Omega?” comes his voice, urgent and gruff, and you could weep with happiness. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

You go to speak, but can’t find the words. You’re sitting in your nest, all alone and in heat, slick seeping into the sheets beneath you. He can probably see your nakedness. Fuck, it’s really him. “Din,” you breathe, taking the communicator and laying back into your nest, “I miss you.”

There’s silence for a second. His chest rises and falls. “Why did you call me?” he finally says.

You whimper, and a few tears slide down your face. “I need you. Need you here, with me.” In my nest.

He huffs a breath. “Omega.” There’s a growl in his tone that sends shivers down your spine.

You moan as a fresh gush of slick begins, and shift your legs and arch your back on instinct. “Oh...”

“Are you...”

“Yes?” You turn your head back to the holo, to him. He’s leaning closer now, like he’s trying to see you better.

“Are you in heat?”

“Yes,” you repeat, and let out an involuntary sob. The tears have started now, and they probably won’t stop for a while yet.

“Fuck,” he hisses, and the holo shakes and blurs as he moves on the bed. “Fuck.” His voice comes out muffled.

“Din?” Your anxiety grows, that little voice warning you in the back of your head that you did something wrong. But you can’t remember what. You need to see him again. You lean in closer to the holo, biting your lip. “Din I - I need to see you, please - ”

“I’m coming,” he says, but his voice sounds farther away. A few seconds later, the image stabilises, and you can see him sitting in the pilot’s chair, operating the control panel. “Fucking stars, Omega, wait for me.” He operates the ship, urgently tapping buttons and flicking switches. “I’m a day away from Minnoth - shit. Don’t let anyone else in. Where are you staying?”

You bite your lip.

“Omega, answer me. Where are you?” he growls, using his Alpha command. It’s supposed to be less effective on calls, but you still feel the urge to obey coming over you.

“I’m at the Omega Den,” you confess shakily. “On Coruscant.”

He growls. “What?”

“I’m sorry.” you whimper.

He rears back a little. “I don’t understand. Yesterday you said you were safe.”

“I was - I am - but I - ”

“You think you’re safe at the den, without blockers,” he finishes for you, a growl in his voice that hints his disagreement.

You nod. “I helped set this place up.”

He shakes his head. “You’re not making sense.”

“Sorry,” you say, heat rushing to your face. It’s hard to think properly - everything would be so much better if he was here. “Can you come?”

He shifts focus back to the operating panel, switching buttons as though to change course. After a few moments, he leans back in his seat and you can see him take a deep breath by the rise and fall of his chest. He shakes his head and murmurs low, “Coruscant is three days away.”

Your heart sinks. “Oh.”

“Fuck, little thief,” he growls, running a hand down his helmet.

A whimper escapes you, your insides clenching. He’s mad, and it’s your fault.

Shaking his head, he leans forward and flicks a few more buttons. His voice comes out distant as he leans away from the holo. “I’m setting the Razor to a hard burn. You stay inside until I get to you, okay? It’s not safe.”

“Okay,” you nod, trying to sound not as broken as you feel. “Are you angry with me? I just thought...” You moan as the needy ache in your core grows unbearable again. The pain is getting worse, causing your breaths to come out short and shallow as you twist and writhe in the nest, losing sight of the holo.

“Omega?” His voice is muffled again - distant. But warmth spreads through you at the sound. “Omega - talk to me.”

In heat and vulnerable, you stand no chance against his commands. “Din?” you call out. Your eyes open, and you catch sight of him again.

He’s sitting on the edge his bunk from the looks of it, bracing his elbows on his knees in a way that makes his biceps tense. “I’m right here,” he growls. “Talk to me.”

“Okay,” you breathe, eyes straying around the room. “Uh, I made a fucking terrible nest.”

“You nested?”

“Wasn’t my idea,” you murmur, picking at the sheets and rubbing your thighs together.

He growls. “Whose idea was it?”

“Anuma’s.”

“Who is Anuma?”

Your core clenches at his possessive tone. “Friend,” you whimper. “Beta.”

“Fuck.” The hologram shakes slightly, Din’s arm reaching down out of frame to his lower body, and you instantly realise he’s feeling himself.

Your body burns with need. “Alpha,” you cry out, half aware and half in a delirious state of heat and pain. The nest feels too hot and too cold at the same time, but you know it would all go away if Din was here, covering your body possessively with his, scenting you with his pheromones.

You turn over onto all fours and raise your ass up into the air, legs spread wide, without even thinking about it. “Din...”

He grunts, and you hear him shifting positions, but in your movement you lost track of the holo again. “Are you fucking presenting right now, Omega? Move the holo so I can see you better.”

Your eyes fly open. Where is it? You don’t want to move from your position - but you need to obey your Alpha. You scramble through your nest until you find the source of the glow, and whimper as you set your eyes on him again.

He’s shifted the view of the holo down, and you are so consumed by the sudden sight of his fist around his cock it sends a rush of slick to your cunt.

“Please, please, I need it,” you whimper, desperately following the movement of his hand up and down his length. “I’m so wet.”

“Fuck yes,” he groans. He jerks his fist faster, forearm tensing deliciously with the movement. “Fucking best feeling ever, pushing inside your wet cunt.”

Your body clenches, a whine pouring from your throat before you can stop yourself.

“I know,” he pants, “I know, Omega, it’s killing me too.”

“Need you inside me!”

“Show me.”

You blink at his order, then move, twisting onto your back and then taking the holo down your body, pointing it towards your pussy. You move so fast you barely even register what you’re doing - everything is on autopilot now, nothing except your heat and your Alpha. With your legs spread open, you give him a clear view of the wetness between your legs. “Can you see?”

You peer at him, and while you’ve been moving, so has he. He’s kneeling, the position perfect for him to hold his cock out in front and jerk himself off, the display giving you an up-close view of his hips, pelvis, and thighs.

“Yes,” is all he says, the word a deep grunt. He’s going faster now, furiously fucking his fist to the holo of you, and your legs spread wider for him.

The sight is erotic. You can almost feel each thrust as he begins jerking his pelvis, fucking into his fist. The knot at the base, already swelling, teasing you so bad your cunt feels ridiculously empty.

“Please fuck me,” you beg desperately, tears welling in your eyes again. “Please, Alpha.”

He growls in response, the sound broken up by the jerking of his hips, and it almost sends you over the edge. “Touch yourself,” he commands.

You instantly put your hand on your pussy and run a finger through your slick. Jolts of electric bliss emulate through you, and you start going faster, working yourself frantically, needing more more more - 

“Greedy,” your Alpha says, jerking himself off to the sight. He sounds both furious and amused and your body reacts, like it does to everything he says, with more slick.

“Not enough,” you breathe.

“I know.”

“Need your knot, Alpha.”

“Keep going.” He sounds desperate now, and it sends shivers down your spine. He's big and hard and ready to knot you and the sight is an exquisite torture.

You moan, circling your clit and spreading your legs as wide as you can for him. “Cum. Cum inside me.”

“Fuck yes, Maker,” he groans. “Want to knot and breed you, Omega. Fill you up with me, sink my teeth in your neck, split you apart on my knot - ”

“Din.” You start to come, realising he’s gone into rut and it’s exactly what your inner Omega wants more than anything. You lose your grip on the holo but it doesn’t matter because you can still hear his deep groan when he comes as well, sending you further into bliss.

As you ride it out together, he rambles praises and promises like an Alpha in rut is compelled to do, and it’s perfect.

Mentally, you’re in bliss. Physically, however, you’ve never felt emptier.

Laying in your nest in the aftermath, you blink slowly and reach around to find the holo again.

He’s standing now, peeling off his shirt and shifting things around the space as though getting ready for a rut.

When he turns back to the holo, he catches you watching him, and growls, leaning down towards you. “Again?”

With a shiver, you nod.

Across holo, you tease orgasms out of each other, one after another, until you’re soaked in ineffective pheromones and sweat.

First on all fours, presenting. Then kneeling so he can see your tits. Now on your back again because you’re getting exhausted. He gets off on the commands, and you get off on obeying them.

“That’s five, little thief.” Din pants.

You lift your hand from your slick pussy and try not to wince as another wave of heat overcomes you for a moment, filling you with nausea and desperation. You need more, but your inner muscles feel abused and sore from your meagre fingers.

A tear falls down the side of your face. “Why aren’t you here, Alpha?”

He sucks in a breath. “Omega...”

“I know.” You wipe your tear away and roll over in your nest, burying your face in your own scent. “I’m sorry. It’s my fault.”

“Don’t talk like that.”

You bite your lip and roll over again to face him in the holo. He’s laying down, naked except for his helmet, watching you. “But I’ve fucked everything up.”

“Omega, don’t.” He sounds torn. “Not while I can’t be there to comfort you.”

More tears fall, even as you wipe them away. “Fuck, I’m sorry. My hormones are a mess without you.”

He groans and rolls on his back, looking up at the ceiling. “When I find you, we can talk. Exchange stories. And I will want to know. Everything, Omega.”

You nod solemnly.

“But, right now?” His voice lowers. “I couldn’t give a fuck about any of it. I missed you.”

Your heart soars.

The sound of someone knocking on the door interrupts you. The hatch opens and a food tray slides through. "Hey boss, breakfast.”

Breakfast time already? It feels like the time has flown by, and yet, there’s still so much more of this you have to go through without your Alpha. Two and a half fucking days. Any appetite you may have built up leaves you at the thought. You push yourself up to look at the dish.

“What is it?” Din asks.

You lay back down in your nest, peeking up at your holo. “Nothing, just breakfast.”

He snaps his head toward you instantly, and his voice comes out a growl. “Someone saw you?”

A rush of heat floods through you at his tone, and you quickly shake your head, shifting your legs to relieve the pressure between them. “No, no, there’s a food hatch.”

“At the den? Where are the others?” He doesn’t sound convinced.

“It’s okay,” you start, giving into the urge to please your Alpha as much as possible. It’s impossible to ignore how attractive his growing protectiveness is. You’re struggling to form sentences, too distracted by hormones stirring up your heat. “They have private nest spaces now, in case of emergency.” You bite your lip and shift in your nest. Maker he looks so broad and strong laying out on his bunk, one arm bent back behind his head, flexing his bicep. When you see him next, you’re going to bite him.

“Smart,” he grunts in response, sounding slightly more relaxed.

“I need you to fuck me.” The words are out of your mouth before you can think about it.

His growl is instant, and dangerously low, and you watch in eager anticipation as he leans over and grabs the holo, staring at you through his visor. “You need to eat your breakfast first.”

You sigh. “I knew you’d say that.”

“Then do it, Omega.”

“Why should I? There’s no-one here to make me.”

“Are you disobeying me?”

Oh. You don’t respond, frozen by his words.

“Omega.”

You whimper.

“Eat.”

And just like that, you’re getting up to retrieve the tray. As you return and sit back down in front of the holo, a thought crosses your mind, and you pause. “What about you?”

He tilts his head. “I'll be fine.”

You frown. “But you need to eat too.”

“I don’t want to leave you. Not while you’re in heat.”

Your heart melts for him, but you can’t let him get away with this. As you slip a spoonful of breakfast gruel into your mouth, you summon all the dominance you can muster while in heat, swallow, and glare at him. “You’re in rut, too, if I’m not mistaken. Cover the holo while you eat, and I’ll talk to you so you know I’m still there.”

He tilts his head at your display, folding his arms. “You’re cute. I’ll be fine.”

You glare harder, but maker, he’s stubborn. You sigh, and, tapping into your Omega nature, beg. “Please, Alpha?” you ask, giving him pleading eyes. “I need you to keep up your strength for me.”

He stares at you silently, but you notice his arms losing a little of their stiffness.

“Please,” you beg again.

He gives a shake of his head, and sighs. “Don’t... don’t beg like that... that is unfair.”

You laugh. “Good to know.”

“Eat your breakfast.” The holo goes shaky as he gets off the bunk. “I’ll get something now.”

“And you’ll stay on the call?”

“Yes.”

You watch the holo closely as you eat. There’s something so domestically fulfilling about eating together, and like watching one of the most interesting holovids in your life, you end up absent-mindedly snack on your breakfast food while watching him methodically prepare his meal with all the precision of the bounty hunter who tracked you down in that backwater hotel.

By the time he sits down to eat, you’re almost finished, setting the food tray aside.

He speaks to you gently. “I’m covering the holo, but we can still talk.”

You nod. “Yeah.”

He reaches for the holo, and then the image disappears.

You lean in. “Din?” You call, just to check

“Yes,” comes the low sound of his voice.

You smile, and lay back in your nest.

“Talk to me, Omega.”

Wandering your hands along the fabrics of the nest, you close your eyes and imagine you’re next to him. But when you open your eyes, he’s still not there, and it hurts. Sighing, you roll onto your front and stare at the blank device.

“I thought about calling you every day, but the live holo... you said someone could track it?”

It takes a moment for him to respond. “Yeah, they might.”

Your stomach clenches. Ending contact with him is not an option you can even consider, and yet, you worry. “Am I... in danger?”

The clattering of cutlery crackles through the speaker. “No.” The speaker picks up a slight catch in his breath. “I hope not.”

He’s worried. Concern overtakes you at the thought, and suddenly you’re thinking clearly. “You know what, yeah, it will be okay. We set up protections here, even if someone does... come looking.” You nod confidently to yourself.

“Protections?”

The curiosity in his tone makes you perk up. “You want me to tell you about them?”

You can hear the slight smile in his voice as he response. “Yes I do, little thief. Tell me what you’ve been doing.”

Heat rushes to your face, and like a criminal confessing, you begin to explain in detail all the various projects you’ve been working on over the past few weeks without him.

All conversation ends as soon as Din reappears in the holo. You’re a whimpering, needy Omega in heat, and as he sees your reaction, he growls out a command. “Present.”

Stars, you’ll never get used to his voice, even through the vocoder and over holovid, and even without the command, you would eagerly obey him.

But as you go to position yourself on all fours for him, a gentle knock sounds on the door.

You freeze.

“What is it?” your Alpha growls, his thickened, hard cock taking up the entire frame of the holo as he strokes it up and down.

More raps against the door. “Boss? You covered up? It’s checkup time, I’m coming in...”

Shit! Checkups after breakfast, how could you forget? Your eyes dart around the nest as you take in the scene. Maybe it wouldn’t matter if they knew you about the holo, but the territorial side of you doesn’t like it, and right now, that’s the part that’s in control.

There’s a beeping as the Omega on the other side of the door punches in the unlocking code.

Your insides clench, because fuck, your Alpha will have to wait. “Just a moment!” you call out, sitting up and scrambling to get things in order.

“Omega.”

You snatch the holo and hold it close to your mouth so you can whisper. “They’re coming in to check up on me.”

“What? Who?”

“Omega. I don’t know her name, but I trust her.”

He growls. “You don’t need her.”

“I know.”

“You need me.”

“I know, Alpha,” you breath, your hormones flaring at his possessiveness. “I’ll get rid of her as soon as possible, but they won’t leave without doing a proper checkup.”

He jerks his head, as if trying to come to terms with this. You can see the tendons in his neck tense as he clenches his jaw.

You bite your lip to keep your reaction at bay.

“Fuck. I can’t stop it,” he growls angrily, “...but if she touches you, Omega, I will kill her.”

Maker. “She won’t,” you assure him breathlessly.

He nods, and you see the image of him move as though he’s walking around, pacing as he watches.

You tuck the communicator beneath a fold in your nest, and the holo image of Din disappears. Your stomach drops in despair at not being able to see your Alpha, so deep into your heat.

Lifting the thinnest sheet on your overheated form, you clear your throat and call out to the Omega.

“Come in.”

With a beep and a click, the door slides open, and the Omega who calls you boss stares down at you with a raised eyebrow. “Bad time?” she asks.

“Always.” Your pussy gives out a needy throb, missing the attention you were about to give it moments earlier.

She snorts. “I’ll be quick then. You okay?”

You nod.

“Good.” She spreads her hands out, open. “Anything you need, now’s the time.”

“I’m fine,” you start to say, before eyes widening as you remember something. “No-one has come asking for me, have they?”

She frowns. “No... You expecting someone?”

You breath a sigh of relief. “No, no, just paranoid. Thanks.”

“Right,” she nods, eyeing you curiously, before turning to go. “I’ll keep an ear out.” And with a slap of her hand on the number pad, the door slides shut again.

You move instantly, frantically fumbling through the nest for the communicator. The holo lights up with the image of him pacing back and forth with his form tense, arms folded, and head lowered.

“Din,” you breathe, the needy ache between your legs growing.

He stops pacing and snaps his head towards you.

You swallow. “She’s gone.”

He comes close to the holo until only his lower stomach is in view, his hardness standing at attention. “Present,” he snarls.

His dominance sends a rush of slick between your legs, a whine rising in your throat. You follow your natural instinct to present, getting on all fours, arching your back down low, and spreading your legs so he can see everything.

For a moment he says nothing, and there’s just the static sound of his panting.

Is he stroking himself? “Alpha, please,” you moan, slick running down the inside of your thigh.

“You want my cock inside you, don’t you?”

“Yes!” you tip your head back, rocking yourself on all fours. “Please!”

“Fuck, so do I. I want it so bad and you’re right there and I can’t.”

You rock back more, whimpering. “I’m so empty.”

He groans.

“Please, Alpha, please.”

“Just... just finger yourself.”

Disappointment floods through you, even though you know it’s the best you can do for yourself right now. Stiffly, you reach a hand between your legs.

“Show me your slick.”

You part your pussy more for him and run a finger through it.

“Fuck. I have to taste you again.”

You bury your face into the nest as your fingers begin working your pussy. “Oh.” A moan escapes you.

“When I find you,” he pants, “I’m going to have you against a wall again.”

You moan louder.

“And then bent over something.”

“Yes.”

“Closest fucking waist-high surface,” he snarls.

You grit your teeth as a wave of pleasure moves through you. “Oh fuck, oh please!”

“My teeth on your fucking neck.”

Bliss fills your body at the thought. “Claiming me,” you breathe. “I want you to.”

“Uh huh,” he grunts.

“I mean it, Din. It’s all I’ve been thinking about for weeks.” And it has been. The entire time you’ve been away from him, all you’ve been thinking about, is being with him again. It feels like where you belong, and you’ve been dying not being able to tell him in person.

“Me too,” he rumbles, voice low and soft, and warmth blooms within your chest. “Me too, little thief. I...”

You swallow back your relief. Thank the stars, you would never have had the courage to just come out and say it if you weren’t in heat, but now, he knows, and he still wants it too.

“I’m so close,” you moan.

“I see that,” he pants.

You spread your legs wider for him. “It’s all for you, Alpha. All of it.”

“Shit,” he curses, panting louder. “Then come for me, Omega. That’s an order.”

You reach the peak of your orgasm with a cry of his name, submitting to his order like the good Omega you want to be for him.

“Ah, fuck, I need to be inside you,” he groans and pants as he comes, and you look down between your legs to see him on the holo, his cock still in frame as he grips his knot, bent forward kneeling on the bunk and shooting his seed onto his sheets.

A second orgasm wracks through your body at the sight. What you wouldn’t give to receive his spend inside you right now and fulfil exactly what your body is craving. Instead, you can only watch in desire and despair as it all goes to waste.

As your legs give out, you roll over onto your front, perching the holo on a pillow in front of you. Din has his head buried in his sheets, and as you watch, he pushes himself back up into a kneeling position, his bare chest glistening with sweat. His cock is already hard again.

“I meant it,” you say.

The blue pixels of the holo shift with slight movement of his helmet. He nods. “So did I.”

The aftermath of your heat comes too fast and too slow all at once. You could talk to Din for days and not get bored, but you’ve been breathing in nothing but your own pheromones and scent for days, and your skin is crawling with the urge to shower.

So when your new Omega friend knocks on the door next, you finally muster up the energy to get up.

All of your sheets are stained with slick. Without much else choice, you find the least offensive one and wrap it around your sore, naked form, and trawl your way through the den.

It’s not until after your shower that you remember your communicator is still in the nest.

You rush back, fully dressed and cleaned, and rummage through the nest until you find it - out of charge.

It’s unclear in your memory when exactly the holo cut out, between talking to Din, or during your sleep, but your heart hammers in your chest at the thought of Din seeing the holo end for no reason, and realising you were gone.

You plug it in to charge and wait anxiously for it to turn back on.

Finally it lights up, and you find a message waiting for you.

Stay.

You almost laugh.

I’m not a dog, you respond back, and then add, Yes, Alpha.

“Boss? Boss!”

You turn around and find the new Omega rushing into the room, eyes wide. “There’s a Mandalorian here to see you. An Alpha.”

You stand. “Did you see him?”

She shakes her head. “Anuma warned me. She’s talking to him now, I think.”

You nod. “Best to stay inside.”

“It’s him, isn’t it?” she asks. “The Alpha you were mumbling about in your heat? He’s here for you.”

Heat rushes to you face, and you brush past her. “Maybe.” You hope so. “Go to the others. No-one goes in or out until Anuma gives the go ahead. Full lockdown, just in case, okay?”

She nods, getting that hard look in her eyes, and turns down the hall on your orders.

You take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself. Then, closing your eyes, you try and slow your heart beating its way out of your chest. If it’s Din outside... fuck it. You can’t bear another second behind this door.

You push down the handle and step outside. The air isn’t much better than within, and as you fill your lungs with that familiar dirt-poor street scent, you pick up the calming tones of Anuma’s beta scent, and then, the Alpha’s.

Your eyes fly open.

Paz Vizsla stands on the darkened street, one hand on his blaster as he talks down to a very furious looking Anuma.

“I have no interest in shutting down your operation.”

“What operation?” Anuma shrugs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

It happens suddenly - the breeze shifts, and the bounty hunter catches your scent. He stiffens and raises his visor towards you, noticing you peeking out from the door.

Fuck.

Then, movement out of the corner of your eye - a second figure emerges from the shadows.

There’s a scar down his face, but in the light, you immediately recognise him.

Cold fear runs down your spine. It’s the Alpha, the one who came to collect you. You should run.

A wicked growl erupts from his chest. He grins. “There she is.”

Paz glances back at him, and nods.

Part Eight < Series Masterlist > Part Ten

[ivanttakethis]

End of Round 12 - Tov’s Log

Ellie (?) vs. Flor (?) - [Null] Win

————————————————————

There was too much blood on the stage.

Too many bodies.

Every contestant in the pods was on their feet, pressed against the glass, desperately trying to figure out what they’d all just witnessed.

Even the crowd was confused; not sure if they should be excited or terrified.

Their agitated noises were muffled in Tov’s ears. The sound of static drowned out nearly everything else.

Ellie won.

She beat Flor.

So why was she dead?

Why did Vera kill her? Weren’t they in love? Or at the very least, didn’t Vera love Ellie?

Where did Vera even come from? Why did she have another gun?

And with Ellie already dead, why did they still shoot Flor? Shouldn’t this have gone like Round 8?

Why did everyone lose?

Tov’s head spun.

For once she wished she had listened to Cassio and stayed in her room — watched the live broadcast of the round rather than opting for a pod.

But she couldn’t stay away.

She wanted to see Flor.

She wanted to apologize for what happened to Minori.

She wanted the guilt to stop eating away at her.

But now she would never get the chance.

Flor was gone too.

She died on the right side of the stage.

Just like Minori.

Tov had been too much of a coward to look at Minori in her final moments. This time, witnessing an execution was inescapable.

Something was wrong.

Chaos unfolded on stage. Nearly a dozen guards — human and alien alike — rushed to the dais, armed with batons or guns of their own. They marched through the large pools of blood at their feet without so much as flinching. It was like Ellie and Flor’s dead bodies weren’t even there.

Following close behind were a handful of AREPH agents, identifiable by their silver badges. Half of them took off in the same direction Vera had fled. The others shouted orders at the Alien Stage guards.

Vera was the fourth contestant to escape this season. Fifth, if you counted Solei. Even with the AREPH on site, they still failed to prevent more pet-humans from slipping out of their grasp.

Worse than that, they were now getting their hands on weapons.

Ji Woo was a fluke. Vera signaled a pattern.

A bad feeling settled in the pit of Tov’s stomach.

Fuck, they’re going to lock us down aren’t they?

More armed guards filed out in front of the pods, one for each of the contestants.

They wore full face helmets with blacked out visors, but Tov could tell by their builds that they were all human.

Maybe that was meant to help lower their guards, make them slip up and reveal something they shouldn’t.

The pods hissed as their doors slid open. Tov had to catch herself before she pitched too far forward and fell.

The guard standing in front of her made no attempt to help.

“Extend your arms, Subject-020547.” They ordered. Their voice was rough and deep.

Tov silently did as she was told.

Heavy metal handcuffs clamped down around her wrists, locking them together.

Her hands looked as though they were bound together for prayer.

Something was wrong.

The guard pressed a button on the lock and the cuffs tightened further. There was no wiggle room. No way out.

“Follow behind the next subject in a single file line.” They said. “Any attempts to escape or resist will result in isolation.”

Tov just nodded.

This wasn’t the time to argue.

As the line began to move, she took one last look at the stage.

From here, she could just barely see the top of Flor’s head.

She waited for the ache in her heart to bloom in the wake of another loss.

It never came.

Something is wrong with me.

The walk back to her room was a blur.

By the time Tov emerged from her haze, she was sitting on the edge of her bed alone in the dark.

It was quiet.

Only the mechanical whirring and soft beeps of the medical equipment staved off the silence.

It reminded her of when she was younger and much more fragile.

After Cassio would leave for the night, she’d get out of bed and wheel the heart monitor in her bedroom closer to the window so she could look up at the stars.

Her heart always skipped a beat when she would find the North Star.

Now she couldn’t feel her heart at all.

But why?

Where was the sadness, the anger, the grief she’d come to know so well?

Why was she digging around for any sort of emotion within herself and coming up with nothing?

Flor was her friend. She cared about her. Why couldn’t she feel anything?

Tov forced herself to her feet and staggered over to the window.

There were metal bars over the thick glass pane to prevent an escape.

They hindered the view of the sky quite a bit, but Tov could still see some of the brighter stars.

Everything in Tov’s life could be traced back to the stars.

Friendship. Love. Curiosity. Comfort.

Loss. Grief. Anger. Sadness.

It was all here, among the pinpricks of light, woven in between the constellations named after those gone but not forgotten.

Flor would be hard to forget.

She was special. Both her and Minori.

Tov hadn’t named a constellation after Minori yet.

She wanted Flor’s blessing first. She wanted to apologize.

They never had a moment to speak.

They never would.

Tov’s eyes scanned the sky for a set of stars fit to hold them both.

Minori.

Flor.

May you rest easy.

Together.

————————————————————

Tov doesn’t know what disassociating is, but that’s currently what she’s going through 🥲

Flor’s death was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Her heart/mind is trying to protect itself from more pain, so it just disconnected entirely.

Hopefully I was able to capture that disconnected, disorienting feeling well.

I tried to show the uneasiness in the text by offsetting some of the lines too.

Vera and Ellie belong to @junebluues.

Flor belongs to @sotogalmo.

Minori belongs to @minori-dash.