#couldnt she have done more of her work earlier considering that she MADE PLANS?????

[frecht]

kind of annoyed at my friend :/

[itzyourgirlnat]

Not a science fan

It’s a monday evening, you and Kara are eating peacefully.

‘So, your school called me this morning’ she said while eating.

You immediately stopped eating and raised your head to look at her.

‘whatever they said I did it wasn’t me’

‘What? Kid, no! You didn't do anything wrong’ she stopped for a second ‘Did you?’

‘No! of course not’ you said while choking a bit.

‘Anyways, they called me to know if you were attending “the ceremony” this Saturday. It seems that you didn't confirm your attendance?’

‘oh, OOH’ Of course, the ceremony, you completely forgot about it.

The thing is that when this school year began, you were supposed to take physics. However, you hated it. Ok, you didn't hate it, but you definitely weren’t a fan (which is hilarious since your mom is literally one of the best scientists on the planet). But the funniest part was that even your teacher knew, actually it was him who recommended you to quit his class. At first you were shocked because science is something you’ve always done, what could you do instead of that? That’s when he suggested the newspaper along with a class specialised on writing. It is true that you’ve always been good at writing stories, but you never considered taking it seriously.

Anyways, literally the next day instead of learning about physics you’re learning the basic elements of a storyline. The surprising part was that after that class, you completely fell in love with it and, since then, you started working on a simple storyline that ended up being much more complex and longer than you expected. You wanted to talk to your moms about it, but when all happened you weren’t seeing them that much, and once you were, you just didn't have the courage to do it. A thing that stopped you was that both Kara and Lena were geniuses when it comes to science. But the main problem was with Lena, you’ve spent so much time with her in her lab in L-Corp, and even if you didn't enjoy it as much as her, every time you spent with her there was such a bonding experience that you couldnt tell the truth. So you just avoid the topic, even if you knew that one day they would find out.

Going back to the ceremony, that story you first started writing ended up becoming a book. A novel that you had to present in order to pass the class. What you weren’t aware of at the time was that the best ones would compete in a contest that involved schools from all National city. And, last week, you were given the news that your story was one of the finalists.

While you were scolding yourself mentally for not declining the invitation Kara had put all the food away and was now cleaning.

‘What’s that ceremony?’ she questioned while turning around to look at you

‘It’s nothing’

‘Y/N’

You sighed

‘I wasn’t planning on going anyways’

She did the famous crickle and that’s when Lena entered the kitchen

‘Hi loves’ she kissed Kara and then kissed you cheek.

‘What are you two talking about?’

‘Your daughter was invited to a ceremony’

‘Really? what is it about?’ she questioned

‘It's nothing, just an award ceremony’ you got up and started walking towards your room.

‘Wait, so you are nominated for something?’

‘It seems like it’ you sighed ‘but it's nothing and I wasn't planning on going’

`Why?’ Kara asked

‘What for? I’m not gonna win and I don't really care if I do’ you walked towards the door

‘Well I do,’ Lena said. ‘Can we go?’

‘The principal told me that we could’ Kara said

‘Guys it's really not necessary’

‘Of course it is!’ Kara said

‘Wait, is it that science competition?’ Lena asked

Oh no

‘Emm no’

‘Then what is it?’

They both looked at you. You took a deep breath

‘Its, its justforasillybookIwroteforaclass’ you said as fast as you could

‘Wait wait , wait, what?’ Lena said

‘Did you say you wrote a book?’ Kara said walking towards you

‘Umm yeah’

‘Why didn’t you tell us?!’

‘When did you say the ceremony was?’ Lena asked

‘Saturday. Y/N why didn’t you say anything?’

You were about to answer when Alex called her sister. Soon enough she had to leave for a Supergirl emergency. Thank Rao

‘We’ll talk about this later’ she said before leaving

You were already going to you room when Lena called you to sit with her

‘So, Y/N, for what class did you have to write the book for?’ she said, raising her brow. Oh no, she knows, she totally knows

‘Please don't get mad’ you said

‘Why would I?’

‘Ok, so, its for a writing class that I’m taking’

‘Really?’

You nodded

‘Why would that make me mad?’

‘Because I’m taking it instead of physics. Sorry I didn’t tell you, I swear I’ll join physics again if you want me too’ You looked away from her expecting an angry response. Surprisingly, she grabbed your hand and squished it gently

‘Y/N, I know’

‘What?’

‘Did you really think you could just change your classes without me finding out?’

‘Yes?’

She chuckled

‘Of course not. in fact your physics teacher told me about the newspaper and the writing class before telling you’

‘So, YOU’VE KNOWN ALL THIS TIME?’

She was now laughing hard, but she soon hugged you. After some minutes she let go of you and placed a lock of you hair behind you ear

‘and you’re not mad?’

‘No! I mean, it did hurt that you didn’t tell us but, it's your life and if you prefer to attend that class I support your decision’

‘I’m sorry. I just didn’t wanna make you feel disappointed and-’

‘What? Honey, you know you could never disappoint me’

‘I know, it's just that science in general is something that you really enjoy and that I’m supposed to be good at. But it also made us spend a lot of time together at L-Corp. And, I love spending time with you, I guess I didn't want that to end’

‘Oh Y/N. Look, just because I enjoy science doesn't mean you have to like it too. Besides, spending time together doesn’t have to involve science. When I take you to L-Corp it's nothing more than an excuse to spend time with you. But we could do other things, all I care about is spending time with you’

It was now your turn to hug her.

You cuddled for a while and when you were about to fall asleep in her arms she asked ‘Why didn’t you tell mom? I mean writing is kind of her thing’

‘I was planning on doing so, but I’m not very good at it, and I wanted to improve before I show her’

‘What did we tell you about being perfect Y/N?’

‘I know, but ieu is a Pulitzer winner. I doubt I’ll ever be at her level but I wanted it to be at least presentable before showing it to her. I want her to be proud’

She caressed your cheek

‘She’ll always be proud of you. Well except if you murder someone or do something very terrible like that’

You laughed at her comment

‘But I’m sure she’s dying to read it’

‘Thanks mom’

She kissed your forehead and at that moment through the window Kara entered

‘Hi guys’

‘Hi’ you both said turning your heads to look at her

You looked at Lena, who somehow guessed what you were thinking (like always) and nodded

‘I wanna show you something’ you said to Kara before sprinting towards your room. Before anyone could say anything you were already back with a your book in your hands

‘Here’ you said giving it to Kara ‘The binding is pretty simple but the full final story is in there’

She was looking at the novel in her hands

‘You wrote this?’ her eyes were starting to water

‘Yeah. Please have mercy while reading it, its not -’

‘It's perfect’ she then hugged you harder than she had done in a long time 'I'm sure it is'

‘Does this mean you’ll go to the award ceremony?’ Lena ask

‘I mean I have nothing better to do this Saturday’

That same night Kara started reading your book. It was actually 3 am when you woke up to go to the bathroom when you saw a light coming from their bedroom. You walked towards the light and saw Kara still reading your book out loud with Lena on her lap listening. They were so invested in the story that they didn’t even notice you. You decided to give them some privacy and went back to your room.

The next day you were so nervous, you knew that they had been reading your book but were too scared to ask for their opinion. Luckily between school and practice you didn't have time to think much about it. After a long day you finally got home and as soon as you entered the door both of your moms ran to you.

‘Y/N! when Rory is at the cave under the fire palace and gives Camila the silver stone and tells her that is her turn to take care of it, does it mean he has accepted that he won’t see her again?’ Kara asked very seriously

But before you could answer her question Lena asks ‘But if that is true why does he continue to deny the fact that he won’t be able to see her again during the next four chapters?’

You chuckled ‘Wait you’ve already read it all?’

‘Yeah and we have questions so please tell us’ Kara asked

You spent around an hour answering all their questions about your book. This made you incredibly happy since they were both so into it

‘You’re gonna write a sequel right?’

‘I wasn’t planning on doing so’

‘WHAT?!

‘But Y/N it's not only an incredible story but the way you portray society and all the critiques you make are perfectly made. I mean this is more than a fantasy story’ Kara exclaimed and at that moment you couldn’t hold it anymore and started crying. She panicked and hugged you immediately

‘Did I say something wrong?’ she asked very worried

‘Do you really like it that much?’ you asked

‘Of course I do! Not only because you wrote it but because it is really good’

‘Then I’ll have to write another one’

‘Please do’ Lena said ‘And no pressures but don't take long because I need to know if Rowan survives’

You all laughed

‘I knew you'd like him’

It was three days later, Saturday evening, you were all getting ready to go to the award ceremony. A week ago you didn’t care about this event, but now, after your moms read your work, you were really nervous. You walked to the kitchen with the outfit you had chosen earlier (a dress or a suit,... something elegant of your choice).

‘Wow, you look great’ Lena said

‘Like mother like daughter I guess’

She winked at you. Soon enough you were all in the car and suddenly you were already sat in the auditory surrounded by other nominees and even a couple press members.

‘Nervous?’ Kara asked who was on your right

‘Kind of’

‘Don’t be’ Lena who was on your left held your hand

A few categories were announced and yours was the next

‘Hey, whatever happens we’re very proud of you’ Kara said

The following things happened very quickly. Suddenly your name was called and you were walking towards the stage after Lena literally crushed you with a hug. And five seconds later you were with the second prize in your hands. Once many pictures were taken you were walking down towards your moms when a man in what looked like a very expensive suit approached you

‘Congratulations’ he said

‘Thank you’

‘I’m Anthony Lee’

‘Ar-are you serious? you’re the owner of one of the most important publishing houses of the city’

He chuckled

‘I see you know who I am’

You were about to reply when you heard Kara calling you.

‘I don’t want to take much of your time, just wanted to ask you to continue writing, you’ve clearly inherited your mothers ability with words’

You blushed

‘Well thank you’

He gave you a card with a phone number and an email

‘Please, if write something else send it to this email and one day we may work together’

With that he kindly said goodbye and left. You then walked towards your moms and Kara immediately hugged you.

‘Y/N you did it! I’m so proud of you!’

‘Congratulations darling’ Lena said squeezing your arms

‘Thank you guys’

‘Who was that man that approached you?’ Kara said

‘That was Anthony Lee’ you said

‘No way!’ Kara replied

‘Emm a bit of context please?’ Lena said

‘He’s the owner of one of the biggest publishing houses of the city!’ Kara said almost jumping

‘He told me to send some of my future work so that one day we can work together’ you said blushing once more

‘Are you serious?!’ Lena said

You nodded. Immediately they both hugged you and somehow Alex was soon hugging you and then Kelly (it turns out your moms couldn’t hold it and told almost everyone about the ceremony). You then went to a restaurant to celebrate and had an amazing time with everyone.

Once in your car on your way home you said ‘Hey guys?’

‘Yes baby?’

‘Thanks for making me go, it was really fun’

‘Well, we didn't do you much. You were the one who won’ Lena said

‘I got second place’

‘Same thing to me’ she replied to which you all laughed.

It had really been a very unexpected week.

************************************************************************

Hi !! Just wanted to let you all know that you can send me request anytime and that the ones that I already have received will be done as soon as possible :)

(thanks for all the support btw I really appreciate it)

[miraculousrainbow]

Sleeping In The Bathroom Is Better Than Home

Description:

Chat noir cannot stand being at home anymore and by chance stumbles upon Marinette wich turns into an unexpected sleepover

Hurt/comfort

Marichat (can be viewd as romantic or platonic)

Oneshot

Trigger warnings : mention of verbal abuse, mentions of neglect, discussions of bad mental health, bad mental health, insomnia, anxiety, trapping a child mention (ask to tag)

"Im done and sick of it"

He couldnt think straight, he just knew that he needed to get out as fast as he can

Plag popped out in a look of concern but before he could say anything Adrien already climbed out the window and yelled "Plagg claws out" and jumped out

His movement wasent his usual cat like swiftness

It was heavy and frantic

He was stumbling around in the dark and crashing into a wall or a random pole every once in a while but ignoring it as nothing happened and just, keeps going

He was going around blindly

With the only purpose of just, getting away

After a while of hanging about at the dark he calmed down a bit, but he was still fearful

His dad yelling still ringing in his ears and with each sound feeling like another hit

"Ignore it he insisted"

"You are here, you are safe, you are not at home anymore."

"You are safe." he whispered to himself loudly with a bit of a panic in his voice and a desperation to make these words feel true

But it was getting late he knew that soon he will need to go back home but he couldnt bring himself

He would rather sleep outside

"The only problem is that he would be an easy target for hawkmoth or criminals depending on the form"

"Or he could just stay a-"

His thought had been cut mid sentence while he was walking he realised he sees a familiar light and in the light had been basking a familiar figure

"Marinette!" He exclaimed with relief in his voice

"It was nice seeing a friend out here and a light source when everything else seems so dark and bleak and eerily quiet..."

"Chat Noir?" Marinette blinked trying to figure out where the dark ends and where the cat starts

"Its nice to see you" he said with a sheepishly smile

"Is there an akuma" Marinette eyes darted from place to place while her expression seemed so focused she wouldnt miss a fly

"Not tonight princess" he replied feeling a bit guilty he made her worry

A sigh of relief escaped the teen's mouth and her expression softened

And when she looked up to his surprise she looked like she is actually happy to see him

"So what brings you here ~Chat Noir~." she said his superhero name like you would call someone a royalty title jokingly

"Wich... was fair, but! he just hoped she knew every time he called her princess it was full of fondness"

"Oh um, just going for a walk, getting some fresh air"

"At two at night"

"I can ask you the same princess" he stumbled on his words he didnt expect that

"He havent being keeping an eye on the hour"

"He hoped he wasent missing for too long"

"But with his father absence he sometimes thinks he could of being kidnaped by hawkmoth for days and he wouldnt even notice"

"and sometimes he could of just barged into the room out of the blue"

"For ones he hoped for the first one"

Marinette unexpectedly decided to be the first one to break the silence

"Thoughts, just too many thoughts" she replied honestly and wiped her eyes in tiredness and maybe tears

Even though her answer seemed quite generic he recognised the real weight these words hold

"You?" She asked softly in sleepiness

"I just couldnt handle staying there anymore"

He blurted out choking on a bit of tears

"Her honestly just made him feel like he couldnt keep it inside anymore and that he could just share it safely and it will be okay"

"Like he didnt have to keep it down anymore and he really couldnt not like this not when he finally feels safe and the adrenaline from earlier is starting to die out and the tiredness is kicking in"

"Not next to Marinette"

"When she just comes with honestly openness and without anything to hide behind"

"She could of waited a little longer he would have come up with a joke to sweep her off her feet or at least made her laugh thats a win too"

"And just have a normal conversation"

"But she chose openness and he couldnt help, but choose it too"

He was a bit shaking he didnt notice till Marinette put a hand on him "hey, do you wanna go talk inside?"

The cat was frozen in surprise at the sudden touch

but as soon as it went is as soon as it goes

"And I know your identity needs to remain a secret for yours and the safety of your loved ones"

"So tell me just as you can and want of course" she made a serious face in the end but he couldnt ignore how cute it was

He noded thankful and followed her in

"Not surprisingly her room was much warmer than the cold outside"

They set down and Marinette asked while fiddling with her fingers "So, what happened?"

"My dad just yelled at me"

"Again" he rolled his eyes with a snort of someone who learned to turn their anger into despair and nihilistic jokes

"Its or he leaves me alone and neglects me or he yells at me and traps me"

"And in the past it used to be or he neglects me and traps me or he yells at me and traps me"

"But good luck trapping Chat Noir ha ha" he said with exhaustion and finger guns

"Unless you are hawkmoth if he would of being I bet he would have trapped me then too" another bitter laugh escaped his mouth

"What about you?"

"So you know those nights when you try to go to bed and you just lay there but you cant stop thinking and your thought are running and running and you just start shaking and you cant stop and no matter what you cant sleep and you wish so badly you can but you just cant so you stand up cause you cant take it anymore"

She blurted out as well just more in a mini frantic tangent

Instead of a frantic blurt out

"So maybe" she says with a twirl of her hand like she tries to drag the word longer and just not let the sentence end

"Im having one of these nights"

She covered her face with her hand and looked away like she is even ashamed of having a problem

"Wich is super unfair everyone has problems" he scoffed in his head

"And also one thing was made sure by this conversation she was crying earlier"

"Actually yeah" he replied looking up from his knees and surprising them both

"I do get these nights from time to time"

"Now it was his turn to look away"

"Now he is the one feeling shame in having problems"

"Honestly, he thinks it made both of them feel better knowing they are not the only ones even though he and of course Marinette! would never wish this upon each other it was still nice being in the same boat"

"Its exhausting" she exclaimed and looked like she was trying to rest her had on air and getting grumpy each time it doesnt work

Chat tapped to time on his knees to signal that she can use him as a pillow

Marinette without taking a second thought took the invite and settled down

At the moment of contact Chat Noir felt like lightening were running up his spine he just hoped he didnt move

He wasent used to other ppl contact much

And he always withdrew away quite quickly

"Its not that he didnt like others touch"

"Its just that it would always overwhelm him so much"

"And it made him feel like he needed a break but every time he was ready to come back"

"There was nobody left"

"And lets not talk about how it was before school when there was nobody to begin with"

"She looked so comfortable like it was all natural being so close to someone and just putting your head down"

"He wishes he could feel like that too"

"He hopes one day he will"

After a moment of rest and a sigh of relief Marinette asked "So, whats the plan?"

"Kinda how he would of asked his lady on battle he wondered if thats how he looks like"

"Uh, I kinda planned on staying awake outside until I will collapse of exhaustion..."

"Well, thats a horrible plan."

"In retrospect, he agreed but its not like he had any other options" he thought to himself

"The only room with a decent lock is the bathroom but I cant let you sleep in the bathroom!"

"I considered sleeping outside so this sounds much better"

"Chat!" She protested

"Its not like I have any better options" he sighed into his hand

"Okie but Im putting a clock to 5 in the morning so you will be back before anyone notices"

"But then what about you? dont you need any sleep?"

"I dont think I will fall asleep befor 5 am to be honest" she made an awkward laugh in an attempt to make it seem not as bad

"And, having company for a change even if will be a sleeping one soon is nice."

She looked up to him still resting on his lap with a soft smile that looks like it means Im really thankful you are here but you need to go to sleep now

"Marinette I-" he couldnt help but let a sigh of relief escape his mouth "I cant thank you enough"

"Hey what there are partne- pretty good friends for!"

"She started stammering. Now he was sure she was too tired for communication and needed some rest"

"So lets get ready for the sleep part in our kind of spontaneous sleepover!" she said like it was all part of just a regular late night party

He chuckled and replied with a simple sappy "yeah" and he got ready to bed

And in a long time he actually had a good sleep even though it was in the bathroom

The end <3

Update: thank you everyone for the feedback!!!

[fatrainbowmermaidunicorn]

PROMPT GAME #1

Totally unedited and I have to cut the storyline a little short, because well, its supposed to be a drabble. Ahahah ❤ and I decided to combine all promts you requested into one.

"Seriously Jeon? You have fucked everyone else and now you are finding girls in my home?" Y/N sighed and walked passed the shirtless male, grinnibg with his mouth full of cereal. Her cereal, in her house, using her bowl.

"Not my fault your roomate is hot," he winks, totally shameless about the fact that he and her so called roomate keep the whole house, specifically her, since shes the only other person in there anyway, awake all night, with their disgusting activities. Endless activities. "Cereal?"

Y/N rolled her eyes and grab the half eaten bowl and throw in the sink.

"No thanks, and thanks for offering, since that is my cereal in the first place. Now that you have disgraced this house, would you please get out so I can comfort my roomate when she realizes what an asshole you are and what a mistake she made?"

"Aww, come on Y/N why so grumpy? Someone not getting any?" Jungkook smirk, slipping on his shirt, thank god. He might be an asshole, but hes an asshole with a bod! And its hard to be snarky with his hard pecs staring back at her.

"Ive been getting plenty on my own, thanks," Y/N rolles her eyes again. "And I rather be dead than being with you in the same bed Jeon,"

"Oh come on Y/N, I know you wish I want you. Hey, maybe I do. Wanna gove it a try?" He winks, taunting her.

"Just get the fuck out Jeon," Y/N open the door and crossed her arms, waiting for Jungkook to walk himself out.

"Okay, okay, no need to be so hostile," he laughs and walks out. "See you babe. Just call me if you change your mind, I'll make time for you," he laughs before the door slammed at his back.

The rivalry between Y/N and Jungkook started so long ago that even Y/N cant remember how it even started or if its even relevant anymore. But what she knows is that she hates that fuckboy's guts. Walking around like he owbs the damn campus. Well, maybe it started whe Jungkook pull her braids at the playground when they were 5 or maybe it didnt. It doesnt matter anyway. What natters is that Y/N hates him.

Whole heartedly.

/////

"Ouch!" Y/N turns around as her hand hit a solid rock. A rock that makes a sound. Wait, what rock?

Theres an intruder in her bed!

Y/N freaks out and immediately sits up, a massive headache attacking her head like sharp needles before she takes in her surrounding.

This is not my room.

And I am definitely not alone.

Not just not alone... Y/N turns her head slowly and nervously to the side and screamed out when she sees Jungkook rubbing his head, evidence of being hit by her hand earlier, naked, only with a blanket covering his bottom half.

"What the hell are you doing here?!"

"Geez woman, stop shouting. Its like too early for this," Jungkook rubs his eyes and yawns, totally unbothered by the fact that they are in bed together and naked.

"Get out! What are you doing in my bed?! What did you do to me?" Y/n starts hitting him.

"Yah! Stop it!" Jungkook catches her hands and hold it tight. "First of all, this is my bed. So the question you should ask is, what are you doing in my bed?" Jungkook smirked. "And second, you dont remember?"

"Remember what? What did you do to me?! I couldnt have done this on my own free will! Never!"

"Oh sweetheart, think it long and hard and maybe you will remember," he grins and lays back on the headboard, totally relax.

Y//N scrunched her nose, trying to remember, and slowly everything came back to her.

"I cant believe I missed the dateline for my Math project!" Y/N wailed to her friend. "Im so stressed oit. Urghhh!"

"Then I have good news my friend. Theres a party happening tonight, and I heard its gonna be big. Everyone is invited,"

"Then I'm in!"

"Wow, you are really stressed out. Nerdy Y/N saying yes to a party without hesitation? Amazing,"

/////

"Wow, never seen you at a party before," Jungkook grins towards Y/N as he sits on the kitchen counter of the packed house, a bottle of beer in his hand. "This is usually my forte,"

"Pissed off Jeon. Why are you everywhere," Y/N slurred, losing balance and almost fell if Jungkook didnt catch her.

"And definitely never seen you this drunk before," Jungkook helped to steady her. "Actually, I have never ever seen you drink, at all. Are you alone? Who did you come with?" Jungkook looked around, concerned etched on his face. "Lets just sober you up a little then I'll send you home okay?"

Jungkook held her shoulders and bring her upstairs, to his room. Its such luck that the party is being held at his frat house. His room is off limits to everyone, but this is an emergencu. Hes not going to leave Y/N downstairs to be taken advantage by all the guys at the party. He knows the guys. He is one of them. But he will never let anything happen to Y/N.

Not Y/N.

"Just lie down here. Ill take some water for you okay?" Jungkook places her on his bed, covering her with a blanket.

"Nooo, dont go," Y/N pulls him, making him fall on her and giggles. "Wow, you are so handsome," she traces his face with her fingers.

"You are definitely drunk Y/N," he laughs, he hinself a little tipsy.

"No, I am not. Hey Jeon... Why do I hate you again?" Y/N stares into his eyes, not letting her grip on him go.

"I-I dont know.." Jungkook whispered. He knows its wrong. Y/N is definitely drunk, and he himself is intoxicated. And they hate each other, dont they? Atleast thats what Y/N been telling him, but Jungkook hasnt been hating her for the longest time already. Its actually quite the opposite.

"Jungkook?"

"Y/N?"

And as Y/N pulls his face, connecting their lips together, the rest of the night is history.

/////

"Fucking. Hell..."

"So I take it you remember?" Jungkook grins.

"I was drunk! You took advantage of me!" Y/N screamed making Jungkook laughed. So dramatic.

"Me?! You are the one who make the first move! You took advantage of me! Besides, its not so bad. I made you feel good," he winks. "We both kinda win here,"

"Urghhh, shut up!" Y/N quickly stands up and collect her clothes which is strewn all over the room, hastily putting it on, all the while mumbling like crazy. "Not a word of this to anyone! Oh God, I cant believe this happened! I an serious Jeon, no word to anyone!"

Jungkook laugh and made a swear sign with his hand.

"I swear. I wont tell anyone. Although are you sure? I know you want to gloat on how good I made you feel," he laughs more.

"Shut the fuck up! Urghhhh," she threw a pillow to his head, missing him by an inch, making him laugh more as Y/N scurried away.

"Thanks for the night!"

"Fuck off!" Y/N screamed out and slammed the door, leaving Jungkook still laughing on the bed, mumbling to himself, smiling.

You are such a pain in my ass, it actually hurts to fucking love you Y/N. If only you knew how I feel.

/////

Eversince that fateful morning, it seems like Jungkook is everywhere. She cant seems to shake him away. Grinning, waving, annoying her...

Y/N never told anyone about that night of course. She doesnt want to be knows as another one of Jungkook's girls, or his latest victim. Jungkook is someone she despise and thats the extend of their relationship. And she would like to keep it that way.

But fate of course have another plan and her science teacher partnered her up with Jungkook, as part of the mentor - protege program hes trying. A good student oartnered up woth a less performing on, in hopes it could help each other. Worse, after weeks ignoring him and asking him to do his own thing, the class is assigned with a project, something Y/N could never run from. And that is how she is in the library, sitting beside a grinning Jungkook.

"We are finishing this project as fast as we can and thats it,"

"Oh come on Y/N. Cant we atleast be friends?" Jungkook grins, teasing her. "Afterall, you have seen me nak-"

"Shut up!" Y/N quickly covers his mouth. "What are you trying to do? Telling everyone we hooked up? It was a drunken mistake okay!"

Jungkook laughs and mumble to himself. So cute.

"What?"

"Nothing. I didnt say anything," he smiles and shrugs.

"Look Jungkook, I'm serious okay? This marks are important to me. Lets just do thia properly and be serious about it. I will divide the work load so we can do it on our own time and we can meet uo eve-"

Y/N was cut off when his lips landed on her and he grins.

"What the hell did you just do?!" Y/M hissed, looking around to see if anybody noticed. "Didnt I tell you just now? You cant just go around kissing people! I mean, I know you are a manwhore but thats not how the rest of the human world works! Stop being a-"

Another kiss.

"Jeon Jungkook!"

"I only kissed you because you were talking too much," he smile, bunny teeth showing, chin olaces in the palm of his hand that is laced together, looking at her.

"I-uh..."

"See, it works. You are finally speechless," Jungkook smile got wider. "Lets get to work shall we?"

/////

The project did bring Jungkook and Y/N closer together. They can be now considered somewhat... friends?

"So.. do you still hate me?" Jungkook asks as they are having coffee together after submitting their final project.

"Well.. hate is a strong word Jeon," Y/N smile. "And I think I am getting used to you. But I still dont like you," she giggled.

"Well, I'll take that," Jungkook smile. "Uh.. hey.. do you want to go to the dance with me?" His voice laced with nervousness.

Y/N was surprised by his question. Is Jungkook asking her out?

"I-I mean, as friends? To celebrate our new friendship?"

"Whatt? Does the great Jeon Jungkook has no date for the dance?" She laughs.

"Hey, I spend all my time doing this project with you. I got your nerd aura all over me okay," Jungkook smile. "So will you?"

"Yeah," Y/N smiles. "Yeah, why not,"

/////

"Hey Minji, I have to meet up with my professor, kts a last minute thing. If Jungkook came can you tell him to wait? Please?" Y/N shouted to her roomate as she rushed to the door.

"Jungkook? Wait, you are going to the dance with Jungkook?" Minji raised an eyebrow.

"Y-yeah. He asked me. Wait, you are okay with that right? You said hes only a one night stand right?" Y/N stopped in her tracks.

"Of course. It was a mutual understanding. Im only surprised because I didnt know you two still hang out. And he never brings a date to a dance. And dont you hate him or something?" Minji questioned, hands crossed on her chest.

"Well, lets just say hes changed," Y/N smiles. "My phone is out of battery but I'll be back in a jiffy. Let Jungkook know ok? Thanks, love you!" Y/N waves off and went out.

Lets just see if Jungkook truly changed Y/N-ah. A fuckboy will forever be a fuckboy. And if you think a nerd like you can chabge him instead of someone like me, you are dead wrong. Minji smirks.

/////

"Oh hi Kookie, what are you doing here?" Minji gave him a sultry smile as she opened the door to see Jungkook looking dashing in a tuxedo, flowers in hand. He even get Y/N her favorite. How tentative. Minji rolled her eyes.

"Im here to pick up Y/N. For the dance?" Jungkook smile.

"Oh no," Minji puts a hand on her chest, brows furrowing in sadness. "I am sorry to hear that, but Y/N left,"

"Left? But I'm her date?"

"Kookie, I am so sorry. I dont know how to say this. But she was so happy she managed to tricked you. She said its some kind of revenge and that you are stupid to believe she would actually be friends let alone go to the dance with you?"

"W-what? N-no. Y/N couldnt... could she?" Jungkook's face pained as the clutch on the flowers loosen and drop to the floor.

"I am so sorry..." Minji carressed his face. "But hey.." he pulls him to the sofa and scoot closer. "I can make you feel better and forget about her,"

/////

Y/N almost ran home. Shes ao excited and she needs to get ready, to look good for Jungkook. She dont know why she have to, but she just wanted to. And shes late.

She happily pushed open her door, a wide smile on her face, which immediately dissapear once she is greeted with the image of Jungkook being balls deep inside her roommate, on the couch... in the middle of the fucking living room. He cant even find the decency to take ger to the room atleast? Knowing she lives here too?

"W-what?"

"Y/N?" Jungkook was shocked and immediately pull out, scouring for his boxers and slipped it on.

"What the hell?! You cant even wait for a few minutes without fucking anyone?!"

"You bailed! I thought you left. And what do you care? Arent I just some kind of revenge?" Jungkook smirked.

"What are you talking about?! Bail?!I was meeting my professor! I told Minji this. To tell you! And what revenge?!"

"Wait, what?" Realization suddenly hits him as he turns to face Minji who is smirking. "You lied? You bitch!"

"Hey, dont be mad at me. If you can just keep it in your pants this wont happen," she shrugs. "Y/N, I am just trying to show you that fuckboys will never change. Just one lie and hes already fucking someone else! How can you be wih him?"

"Shut the fuck up you lying manipularive bitch!" Jungkook yelled at her, trying to control his temper. But he knows Minji is not important right now. Y/N is. "Y/N listen to me, I can explain. Minji.. she said-"

"It doesnt matter Jungkook. Minji is right. Just one lie from her is all it needed for you to start sleeping with someone else?"

"Y/N, no. Its not like that. I was hurt. I was-"

"Save it Jeon," Jungkook stopped at the nickname. It felt so cold. He took a step forward, lurching for her arm but Y/N pull back immediately.

"Stop. Fucking. Touch. Me!" Y/N yelled. "Minji is right. Fuckboy never changed, get out Jeon,"

"Y/N-"

"Why should I care anyway right, we are just friends," Y/N angrily wipe her tears. "Maybe not even friends," she stormed off into the room, slamming the door, leaving Jungkook to pick up the pieces of broken heart.

/////

"Go away!"

"I am going to annoy you, follow you around until you talk to me. Until you forgive me. I dont care what it takes, or who knows how desperate I am!" Jungkook followed her around like a pupoy around campus for a whole three months now. Never once did he gives up. Y/N has finally had enough. The whole campus heard about how Jeon Jungkook, the campus player is now whipped and chasing some nerd. Y/N cant already tolerate the endless flowers, chocolates, gifts, texts and phonecalls that he sent everyday, but following her around, all day and all night? For three whole month? Its too much.

"Why wont you give up?! We were not even friends to begin with!"

"I am never giving you up. Ever!"

"Seriously. Why?! The fuck, why?!" Y/N has reached her limit, screaming in the middle of campus to the campus player, not caring to maintain her cool anymore.

"Fine, you wanna know so bad? Its because I fucking love you L/N Y/N! I have love you for so many years eventhough you hated me! And now that I have the chance to be in your life I am not gonna let some manipulating bitch ruined it for me! I want you and I am not gonna stop until I get you!" Jungkook's chest heaved from his confession. "Got your answer now?"

"N-no," Y/N shakes her head, eyes searching his. "It cant be. We hated each other!"

"I dont. I never did. I dont even know why you hate me? Ia it because I pulled your braids when we were 5?" Jungkook smiles. "That just means I like you Y/N. And I have never stopped since,"

"B-but all the girls you have been with? You are the campus player!"

"Its only to get you attention," he bunny grins. "I gor your attention when I slept with your roommate and I have stopped ever since Y/N. Please, believe me. I love you,"

"B-but-"

"Please Y/N," Jungkook kneeled down and hold her hands, in the middle of the busy campus. "I wont stop until you say yes. I will follow you. I will tell you everyday I love you. I will call you, text you, I wi-"

Y/N cuts him off by pulling him up, grinning, tears in her eyes.

"Serioualy Jeon, you are so annoying,just kiss me already," she grins, hands holding the back of his neck, making Jungkook smile with his bunny grin, love in his eyes.

"With pleaseure my love,"

[diaryofsecrecy]

It has been the most exhausting year of my entire life and I will be surprised if I ever top it...

Brent was having a hard time adjusting to the altitude when we 1st came out here, (July 8th 2020) But as time went on he got better as expected. Then suddenly he got worse and worse, Eventually he lost the job that he got because he was calling out so often throwing up and experiencing extreme nausea.  Because of covid, the doctors were booked for weeks (new patient) so it was just kind of a waiting game until we finally decided to just go to the ER.  They did a full blood panel and decided that he needs to see a GI doctor because everything else is normal. So, That was booked 2 weeks out and he was sent home with nausea medication for one week...

Of course we were going to try to buy or rent so I was freaking out about money and working as much as I possibly could... But then I too had to go to the emergency Room because I had extreme abdominal pain resulting in an emergency appendectomy😖

The day after my surgery, I am home, when my dad comes in with my older sister.

To my knowledge, my older sister was diagnosed paranoid schizofrantic. She has been Homeless for the last 11 years,  And on drugs.  She recently was beaten so badly that she was left with several brain injuries on top of it all, And while she was healing at the hospital somehow they didn't notice her walk out.  We were just about to get her placed somewhere safe...And they lost her.

Anyhow dad walks in with my sister who I guess called him from a coffee shop when they told her that she couldn't sleep there anymore (after a month of being missing again) Dad had to go back to work so then it was me & her for the next 2 days, As you can imagine, not the rest I needed post surgery... then, I had to go back into the hospital because something wasn't right. I was there for 3 more days, 2 days alone because ben was so sick that it was worse with him being there than me sitting by myself in pain and nausea of my own.

Fast forward a few more months, tragic accidents led to 2 separate deaths of my parents dogs. Both events I happen to be present, so get blamed & am no longer welcome at mom & dads.

(Still healing from sugury, brent still very sick)

We get an apartment, and I start working as a nanny for my aunt twice a week while working at Massage Envy the other 5 days.

At this point, I am tired. I am horney, and lonely, and Absolutely. Fucking. Miserable.

I am begging ben to keep up with drs. but he has lost hope of getting better, and I have no way of helping him when I am already worn too thin.

After 9, Long, long months, he eventually, with my consistent pushing, nagging, most likely not always kind remarks, he finds out his hormones are completely off, which I knew would be the case, his dick hadnt worked for the last 3 years properly..

Anyway. He blames his addiction medication rather than continuing dr. Appointments... he gets on testosterone with an outside company(pay out of pocket kind of subscription company...rather than checking insurance, or figuring out what causes low testosterone and fixing that first). I was working and had no influence in any of those choices that effect us both as they have for at least 2 years. He hasnt touched me for so, so, long.

Month 3 of his medication that seems to be working (only reason I know is there was a ton of porn in my google history, he had declined all advances, except the rare, 3 times he allowed a blowjob then left immediately after for the gym or literally anything else rather than make it romantic at all.)

Month 4, he forgets to make a payment at all, so now we owe $250 rather than the normal $100. His meds get sent, then FedEx loses the package all together so, he is sick and I am house sitting in a dream home, alone for 2 weeks straight that originally was going to be our getaway to focus on Us.

At this point, brent and I havnt slept in the same bed for 2 months. At first cause he says I'm mean and he wants to not be near me, but now its cause hes "more comfortable out in the living room..."

A month ago when we last had a conversation about our relationship he said he wants space and a break from me all together. I'm too much.

I am the problem..?

When trying to understand what he means, he shuts down the connvo, saying he cant talk about it anymore. It's been 30 days since we have made any verbal progress. Our fighting has stopped though, and I'll tell you why...

Rewind 1 week before house sitting;

1 week after brent and I had an awful fight where he told me we should take a break, I stay at my parents & My mom offers for me to join them at a graduation party of a kid I used to babysit.

We were sitting in the back of the dining room, out of the way, when I saw someone i slightly recognized in the hallway. Not sure from where, but he was the kind of guy that you couldnt stop looking at. He was clearly into fitness, his shirt couldnt hide the muscular features he had been perfecting either, despite him dressing nothing out of the ordinary. He had beautiful ink crawling up his leg, an artform that would only mean something to someone who is more spiritually awake. But more noticable about anything was that smile.

God that smile. His face was scruffy, as if he had been away, but regardless, the smile he had influenced his entire ora. His eyes smiled, his walk... smiled. He had some kind of thing about him that was a physical draw I had never known for myself before. Dont get me wrong, i have been woo'd by many men so far in my life, from all stages in life, but This one was just, different. He was making his way around the room, & I could hear his voice over my mom who's talking beside me. I had literally been blocked out by my ever wondering thoughts of this random stranger whom felt familiar.

Then, he was there, at our table?

He was so easy to talk to, not even sure how we started now, but all I know is I was not nervous despite my very physical attraction to him.

He spoke of traveling, and adventures hes been on. This guy had a whole other life in the military at one point and now was traveling, working for a company that sends him around the US.

This guy had Hope's and dreams and somehow we got to talking about that kind of thing at a graduation party?

When I left that day, I thought about him. Not just him specifically, but men like him. Had I chosen Brent wrongfully? Does brent even like who I am anymore, what does he want going forward in his own life? How do I even fit into that? He understands my need for adventure but his actions say that he doesnt want to come along. My mind was loopy after that because for the first real time I questioned, what if there was someone who wanted to see the world,  Who liked my sad music, and my emotions being in everything I do? What if there was a women more interested in the simple home life, having a couple dogs and living a small, comfortable life? Are we doing one another a disservice by occupying oneanother's lives? How could I ever bring that up with Brent at all without making him feel so inadiquite after a year of terrible sickness and defeat?

Well, when I went to that big, gorgeous dream home the following week to house sit for 2 weeks... begging him to come see me, I grew weak from overthinking. I cried, I cried so much the first 3 days.

I cried from a place of such sadness, anger, bitterness, defeat, they were so strong. My mind was cloudy, drunk, stoned, tired.... I found myself writing a suicide letter.

My plan was to disappear, I knew I'd find a firearm in the home & allow someone to find my remains eventually in the hills where I'd walk far enough.

I prepared by cleaning the litterbox, laying out several bowls of water for the dog and cat, and watered all the plants heavily. I transfered brent all the money in my bank accounts, and as I waited for the sheets to come out of the dryer I balled my eyes out, reading the last conversations I had had with my family members. I thought to myself how the kids would take it, what different life choices they would make having been close with someone before their passing. At this point, I needed something, but I needed it from someone who doesnt know me in my life right now, but the me that was worth saving. The me I still recognized.

I called an old friend from 2nd grade. Hadnt talked to her in years and years, didnt known her life, her schedual, her name(which had been changed). But she talked me down. She saved my fucking life. It took a person who knew my soul years ago, to remind me I am not alone.

I dont blame my parents, or who I thought would be my future husband. I had talked with my aunt earlier that day and she couldnt see it either. I had become this fake shell of a person and it took considering an actual murder of myself to make me see that if I continued this path, I would die eventually and nobody in my life would ever see me preparing for it.

That night, I invited a complete stranger over and we fucked like rabbits. 4 times. He got to do things he'd never done before, and I begged him to. Sounds cold, sounds unapologetically disgusting that I'd do something like that, but quite frankly, I FUCKING needed it. I needed someone to see me, even if he didnt see my current life nor care about me as a person... he saw, touched, kissed, sucked and ate me up. For the first time in at least 2 years, i felt satisfaction when I walked him to the door and watched his car drive away.

It was like a sigh of relief, an inch I could not reach for the longest time, gone. Finally.

The following days, brent began putting in more effort. It has been 3 weeks and I'd say he has been kinder to me than he had in a while (probably the lack of testosterone) but also, I havnt seen much of him in general. From his point of view, it is all fine. Hes getting the space he needed, I'm being nicer since I quit massage Envy, and things are looking up....

But that is because he doesnt See Me.

My suisidal thoughts subsided after my long conversation with Scout. & that night I called my cousin as well, and learned he too had been in my shoes before. He said something that stuck with me.

If everyone has an expiration date on their life already, and we don't know when it is, you're to the point that you're life is so invaluable that youd kill yourself than flee your life and make one you want. Dont care about the people youd hurt, because suicide is just as careless as abandoning them all indefinitely.

He was so right, it put things into perspective, gave me a freedom I felt I was waiting to gain permission for.

Five days later, I noticed He had written me 5 before, on the day I had truly planned to end my current life..

He had written me at 12am, what would someone like him, a gorgeous, beefed out, big thinker, high energy, go getter be doing messaging me, a tired women who was 300lbs a year ago, (still working on getting to a normal size) and completely at a crossroads with existance.

I entertained the connvo a tad, and honestly forgot about it for a few days as I figured no way he could be serious.

He triple messaged me, and asked for my personal contact info to have real conversation?

Hesitantly, and wildly excited to even just flirt for a moment with someone who is literally everything I fantasize when I'm alone everynight....

Our conversation immediately took off. In directions I hadnt expected at all what so ever. He told me he had to admit he felt drawn to me, like he had known me in another life. That he doesnt expect me to get it, but I did. We talked about things that only my sister and I can relate to on a spirituality standard and it changed me in that instant. Suddenly i realize, I wasn't broken, I was just misunderstood. & that there are people in this world that See Me even when I am not trying. Not many, and it takes a specific Kind of person, but they do exist and when you meet them, you cant ignore it. It is as if they stain you with remembrance.

As the sexually hungry humans we are, not only did we find that morality, values, future goals coexist, but also our importance of intimacy. Not just lust and sex, well, yes that too, uff did those conversations get so, fucking, hot, but the interactions of intimacy and how they make a person whole.

I opened up to him about Brent, and where I am at in life, asking he please oversee my unfaithfulness, but that I am loyal at heart. He says with such pain in his voice how he too in a parallel position simultaneously, however, he married her 7 years ago.

Ugh.

So now I get to choose. Do I chose mortality, say no, brent and the other women deserve to understand the severity of sex, love and passion, and if they chose not to then we will leave before we act on our mutual attraction....? Or, do we say hell with it and give in to serendipity moments that our hearts crave so badly, take on the consequences and move forward. Sigh. If only there was a guideline for complicated.

Last night, as the 5 nights before, we talked for hours on the phone. His voice makes me smile every, damn, time. Perhaps because it's new and exciting, or maybe I just love to hear him go on his tangents of loving yourself despite the bad in life. I Want him. I want him when I wake, &when I go to sleep. I do not want a life without him& it saddens me to know our timing is incorrect. He asked her for a divorce a year ago, but has sat comfortably as I have despite the horror because weve both been too busy, too tired, too... afraid that life will always be lonely. Last night, he said to me, Elise, I love you. I avoided it several times but when he said it two more times, I couldnt keep it any longer to myself, Jackson, I really do Love you as well. It's scary, and faster than I'd ever say it to anyone. But I know it to be true because I Feel it. I want his love so badly. I want him to live life along side of me because with a person like him, I'd be a better me.

I am absolutely terrified. My life, my home, my family, dogs, my 5 year relationship, the unborn children brent and I have named, and the houses we'd have... all gone?

Running away with a man who says hes going to leave his wife is absolutely stupid. I'd be an idiot to think I am enough to get him through that fear of change, yet he gives me strength to want to try, so maybe I do, Him?

Ugh my brain being pulled in many ways. My heart having been in pieces so many times now doesnt know who to go to or why. I know for certain I love Brent, is this a self gratifying moment To push me back to him? Is this the devil bringing two lost people together to ruin four people at once?or is this Fate. Fate that has seen both of us individually loosing ourselves in a life we didnt want and has brought us together to lean on one another, temporarily not?

Suppose time will tell.

Last two days he has been working a ton, and told me that tomorrow he has something he needs to talk to me about.

I assume it isnt good. I assume it is the first put off of many, because, I know I want to do the same. Part of me says I should block him right now, because lust, and attraction, both mentally and physically like that couldnt make a women addicted and that's a no good addiction when he has a women in his house with his last name. 😔

[dunewizard]

Session 3: The Cutlass

I wrote a write up for the last D&D game I was a player for, we’re attempting a duet campaign, so I finally got to play my Evil Aligned Gunslinger Drow character Carric Do’Rae! (Level 4 Rogue with 2 Revolvers found from the Dungeon Masters Guide)

I wanted to post one of the write ups here, i’d keep it under a readmore, but yeah! I added Heroforge figurines to help visualise people and scenes. Carric is a bit edgy and definitely isnt the type of character I go for, I just realised a Chaotic Evil character isnt... fit for most party scenarios. Its got a killer end to the session so if you do feel like reading a session recap written in first person - be sure to read to the end! :D

Session 3: The Cutlass

  I surfaced in Southern Luskan, amidst the graves of the dead I rose as the zombies would. I knew The Cutlass was in the south side of town, and under the cover of the midnight moon I stepped out to the streets and hugged the darkness like a shield. I didn't get far before I felt like I was being followed, that hobgoblin from earlier was wreathed in an ominous shadowy cloak, I nodded to him but he seemed intent on getting me back on my mission. Fair enough.

Heading towards the wall I figured I must have been close to the docks, the stench of the muck I was in earlier has washed into the very cobbles that dot the ground in this city. Their stench brought in from seagoers and tradesmen alike, and speaking of them, a sextuplet of ne'er-do-wells approached me reeking of alcohol and rage. I kept to myself but I was more than ready to hit them up the moment they took a step in the wrong direction. They opted to call me out. "Oy! What do you think youre doing walking the streets at this hour?" they queried, slurring their words as they spoke. "I could ask you the same question, do you really want to do this? Incur the wrath of the mighty Spirton Baensek?" I bluffed. They seemed bewildered, the name was shared by someone I would care to forget from my past, but their name became a bit of a personal joke, so i used it. They seemed to ignore the name, and replied in turn with their own - I admit, I wasn't impressed with them in the slightest. At first I took them for a shift of Luskan Guards coming off work, I hadn't seen what they perhaps wore for a uniform so this was the best they had, I mean they appeared to be a Navy division perhaps. But it was evident from their demeanour and their willingness to slash me to death with their cutlasses implied they were Pirates to some degree, once they said they were the So-and-So Pirates, I knew they were little to no threat to me. “Oh! So youre not Luskan Guards? Well that makes this easy!” and With a quick flourish I doffed my cloak and drew my revolvers, I aimed them at the gang.

"Uh oh lads, he's a Wizard," they whispered among themselves "We'd better scram." They began to cower. "Uh - Sorry! Sorry Mr Baensek - we'll be on our way! Don't turn us inside out!". I put my cloak on once more, and motioned for them to clear off, and out of my way. I turned to watch them leave, and out of the corner of my eye I see the Hobgoblin was inches away from sending a deadly arrow into the eyes of their charismatic leader. At least I had a watching angel in case things go sideways. I reached the Inn, a brothel it seemed, brazzieres and bodies were being thrown everywhere upstairs, and stabbings were going on in the lower floor that contained the bar. Quaint. I didnt plan on staying long. There were two tough looking Grunts outside standing guard, I take it they wouldnt like drow - but I wonder about Elves in general. I posed as my Wizard persona Mr Baensek once more and held my tinderbox like a book. Without so much more than a "Get out of here you rapscallion - filthy - no good - snake in the grass - back biting - arrow slingin - stinking ELF" I was sent away like a street rat. Welcoming. Well, I needed to get in, and I didn't feel like waiting outside this location for the next 5 days on the hopes my man Morick wants to pay them a visit, even if I knew what he looked like I'd be up the River Rauvin without a paddle. So I needed a better plan. I took to the thieves highway up on the rooves, hoping to land a shot on one of the bouncers.

Hiding atop a roof, I aimed my Shortbow and took a shot.

His large frame was such a large and easy target.

He dropped like a feather brushed by the wind. Screaming in pain.

Noticing the noise I hightailed it out of there, I had a plan to circle the block and take a similar shot on the other bouncer, who hadn't moved from his post. Dedicated I guess. No one suspected a thing, noone was helping the sod on the floor - this town has been the first I can agree with in a long time. I couldnt quite find my mark on the second bloke, this angle was weird, but I wasnt going to risk being spotted here. I wedged my feet into the beams supporting a drainage pipe and attempted to fire a shot hanging off the side of the building, it was the closest to a sure thing that I had. Something shifted in my weight, and suddenly I realised I was too heavy - but it was too late. I began to fall towards the floor, I didnt want to miss this opportunity, so I aimed my bow while falling, and pincushioned the second bouncer. He dropped like a stone much like the first. But I was falling now, and I was falling fast. Reaching out I managed to grab onto a ledge, and met my falling speed perfectly. In fact It was so perfect that my momentum was held and sent me through the nearest window - waking up the resident of the house, an old man. In bed, barely awake, he begins fumbling for a broadsword under his bed, I was swift in taking his life. I drove my shortsword through his gullet, and he coughed blood everywhere, but it seemed he was not done dying - so to be sure I pulled his covers over him and made sure to stuff his mouth with his sleeping cloth. Meanwhile I could hear outside - the boucners were screaming about "Finding that damned Elf". Looking to the old man's meager table, there was some charcoal and writing paper with scribblings of death threats and extortion papers. I scribbled a note quickly: "Shut up about Elves" - a simple effective note. I tied it to another one of my arrows, and sent it into one of the bouncers who had began to stand. After reading the note he walked over to where I was, calling out to the old man - telling him to knock it off with his notes. This moron was creating such a ruckus, why didn't I just kill them and call it a day? Ugh. Searching around the Old Man's apartment I located the sword he was reaching for, I've never quite held something so hefty - let alone knew how to use it, I threw the sword out over my shoulder, not quite looking at where it would land. As luck would have it, the sword met the mouth of the bouncer quite well. In fact it slid down his gullet like a wet fish, killing him instantly. Bizarre  These encounters took me all the way to morning, as I approached the bar it was coming to first light, parting the nightly fog. Stepping over the bodies of the bouncers, I made my way inside The Cutlass. A crew were cleaning up the exploits of last night, a small crew of women in bodices and corsets were on cleanup duty - they quickly tried to shoo me out, telling me to come back at midday when they open again. I had to insist, I was in a hurry to find Morick. I announced my business, that I was after Morick, I had heard he frequented this bar, and that I could find him here. I would be willing to pay for the information, and flicked the Hostess of this Inn a lantanese golden coin. A hush fell upon the room, "oh no, theyre that poor" I think to myself. I reach for my gold bag, and can you believe it, one of the maids were already reaching to grab it! The nerve! I kick the swine in the stomach, and with her out of grabbing distance I draw my Revolver and point it at her head. "You don't want to see what this does" I warn.

With eyes crossed, looking at the barrel, she stands up and begins to shuffle away. The Hostess suddenly straightens herself up, asks her workers to leave us alone - and takes me a little more seriously. I mean, I've come in with some serious money by the sounds - and I am willing to kill on a single attempt at thievery in a town famous for it’s thieves? I'm glad I made that impression, because it was dead on. 

I sit at the bar with one hand on my purse, and the other hand on my gun, I couldn’t trust anyone except except my guns - that much I knew. The Hostess takes my measure and inquires what I'm looking for, I repeated that I need to locate Morick and that I was lead here, the rest was a mystery to me. I knew that money talked, so before she could land a deal I placed my price on the table. 5 Lantanese Gold Coins. The gold alone would likely have been enough but that crystal in the Lantanese made them a near collectors item this far from Lantan. I lay them on the bar and pushed them to her, I then made a case for her. "You don't really like this backwash town do you? With this sort of money you could sell this place and head as far as Baldur's Gate, if you fancy. Start up somewhere new, somewhere fresh, away from the grime of this city. I know I won't want to stay long, why should you?" She considered this for a moment, and the reserved look on her face knew it was enough for her, but for good measure to secure accurate information I threw in an extra coin anyway - she could have made an attempt on my life if she wanted, and then I'd have to kill her, so I'm working good faith into her now. In the true illuskan way, she sells her information of Morick as soon as she sees that 6th coin hit the bar.

She told me that he doesnt really come to this bar, but it was a bit of a trap to catch out those who wouldnt know any better, or learn how to be worth his time. Turns out Morick is a big time thief, assassin, and general ruckus-maker. His real haunt was a second location, across from the Winter Palace on the second floor. She warned he was known for his traps, so I should be prepared to dodge or disarm a bunch if I plan to break in uninvited. She then explained that If I were to flash a light at the 2nd story window facing the street, I may be granted entry but I'll need to learn the pattern as it changes every week.

Rats

She then explained that it'll take her a day and a half to skip town, so I'm not to make my move until she's ready. We'll see if I honour that with time. We’ll see if I honour that in time. This whole conversation was observed by the Bard who was sitting on the other side of the bar. I wasnt threatened by his stance, he was idly tuning a fiddle hoping I wouldnt notice him, I wager. He has been checking out the bag of Gold I have swaddled to my person. I turn to him, and address him directly. "Bard, I'll give you some of this money if you write a song about me - detail the fearsome might of the dreaded Gunslinger, Carric Do'Rae". 

"... Sir... pardon... but what is a Gunslinger?" he said, quivering almost. At this point, one of the bouncers who were bleeding out just an hour earlier came to, and woke up. " YOU! " he screamed, pointing at me.  He began to charge across the room at a breakneck pace. 

While not breaking eye contact with the bard, I raise my right Revolver over my shoulder, and with a BANG I plant a bullet between the eyes of the brute, killing him instantly.

"... That's a Gunslinger"

[brandnewbarelybroken]

Chance - Chapter One (Kookmin)

Rating: NC-17

Jungkook was just starting to clean himself up. Slow, lazy movements coming with practiced ease, that still managed to speak volumes about his non-commital attitude toward getting home at a decent hour. It’s not like it really mattered anyway, whether he was there or not. His eomma was probably already drunk and face down on the bedroom floor.

He was just pulling up his faded and least worn out pair of skinny jeans, when he heard something in the distance. It was strange. Not the noise, he could hardly hear it properly enough to identify what it was. It was the fact that it was there at all. He knew this school and its varying daily schedules better than he knew his own class schedule. He also knew the floor plans, lawns, ins and outs of everything. He even knew the maintenence room, boiler room, basement and shed. So, he knew there shouldn’t be anybody, AT ALL, left in the entire place.

It was Friday, everybody boned out as soon as the bell rings on Fridays. No clubs were meeting, at the school anyway. Maintenence was done on Saturdays and cleaning on Sundays. He knew some club or other did something on Saturday or maybe Sunday, but he couldn’t think of that right now because the sound was becoming louder, and Jungkook’s curiosity as well as his delay-going-home-tactics, were making him feel a bit —–voyeuristic.

Grinning widely, Jungkook could feel his heart beat picking up speed a bit in anticipation. He was pretty sure he knew where the noise was coming from. It was a personal favorite of his own for fucking random chicks (with its near constant availability and being practically unknown to most students.) Having identified the source, he pricked his ears to hear any proof of his conclusion.

“Shit, I can’t hear from here at all.” Standing up and haphazardly brushing any little pepples off his ass, he grabbed his shoes and socks and headed toward the roof access door to investigate.

Hopping down the stairs two at a time, he perked his ears. Weird. He was positive when he was on the roof that it was coming from the second girls locker room. Now it sounded like it was coming from the other direction. Well, whatever, the roof probably messed with his hearing.

Jungkook headed east, toward the gymnasium, keeping his steps quiet and listening intently. When he passed a bench he dropped his shit there and continued on barefoot. He always loved being in school alone. It felt more like home to him than the place he lived.

As he neared the basketball courts he began to hear a staccato rapping sound and what sounded like hushed voices.

‘Hah! They are probably being loud as fuck if I can hear them from here,’ he thought as he his face morphed into an excited smirk. ‘Maybe its that Sophia chick I fucked last week. She seemed really thirsty all day today. Hmm, if its not her I could always hit her up after this. Or maybe even if it is her. Heh. Earlier was good enough, even if the chick complained about being fat the whole time, but now Im about to get a show and I’ll need dinner to go with it.’ Jungkook laughed lowly at his own stupid jokes and crossed the basketball court heading toward the indoor courts.

Only, as soon as he entered and the heavy door fell shut behind him, the sounds seemed to take on a different sort of feeling. It was louder sure, but still heavily muffled. It also seemed to be echoing heavily. He paused to consider the places that could cause that sort of echo, but was abruptly pulled from his thoughts when an ear splitting wail crashed through the enormous room.

“Fuck! What the fucking hell?” He shouted in surprise. Feeling a bit like a wimp for having jumped a bit, too.

Before he could even think of a response he heard a heavy sobbing sound echoing lowly toward him, Without thinking he rushed toward the big storage room and threw open the door. Empty. He ran across the court toward the back hall that connected this gym to the theatrical department. As soon as he stepped inside he could hear a low whimpering.

“Shit, why is it here. This place is full of random alcolves and shit.” Although it was one of his favorite areas to nap in, it was also a great place for hide and seek, which made it the worst place possible at the moment.

Jungkook jogged down the hall, peeking through classroom windows, only to keep going when they each turnd up empty. When he reached the dividing hall separating stage access to dressing rooms, he grinded to a halt. He could hear much better now, and what he heard froze him in place. Quiet voices and gut wrenching sobs.

“Good boy. That’s my sweet boy. So beautiful when you cry. Trembling for me. I’ve waited so long…so long to see you this way angel. The pain of being separated from you is a constant crushing agony. To finally have you in front of me, to be able to touch you this way. It is truly paradise. My very own Eden, my sweet, sweet angel.”

Interspersed with the creepy monolouge were gasps and sobs, pleas.

“Please…I don’t know you. Please. I…I…Ah!…please, please… Why….what do you…no. No. No. Anything else, please! I…I…,” the pleas were riddled with broken sobs and heartbreaking hiccups, the voice seemed too afraid to finish its thoughts out loud, as though any question they could ask would have an extremely disturbing response.

'Shit, that voice sounds really familiar. Fuck, I know I know it from somewhere,’ feeling seriously shook up, still trying to pinpoint the direction he needs to go and simultaneously hoping to identify the terrified voice he was listening to, Jungkook was trying hard not to panic. He knows that if he had more time to slow down and think, he would probably be hysterical. He’s not the saving-people type. He’s the sneak-up-on-idiots-fucking-and-watch-them type. He doesn’t know what he is even doing. He just knows he can’t stop.

Jungkook threw himself toward the dressing rooms, hoping the echos were being produced there. He couldn’t tell, though, if the sounds were becoming clearer or not. When he paused for a moment to check, he heard the deep male voice again, and he froze.

“Why? Oh, Jimin. My sweet, soft, little Jimin. My precious angel. Surely you must know how utterly delectable you are? Completely sinful. So lovely. Though, no. No, I suppose,” the mans voice took on a gravelly and angry edge that was somehow even more frightening, “I suppose these… children,” he spat the word children like a vulgar swear, “have done their upmost to keep you from realizing the truth. Jealous of your spotless beauty and otherworldy glow. Uncomfortable with their own mediocre looks and lacking any useful skills or even remotely impressive talents. Filthy little shits.” He growled low, but suddenly took on a sweetened tone and cooed in a paradoy of sweet talk, “But I am here now and you belong to me. I will spend every moment from now on showing you exactly how others see you. You will be made to understand just how deep your abilty to drive men and women to the very depths of human desire runs. You are so effortlessly enchanting. So innocent yet utterly lewd. But you are MINE. ”

A loud thwack followed by a shocked cry forced Jungkook to wake up from the shocked stupor he’d fallen into. He had been frozen in horror, his heart positively vibrating. He could feel his hands shaking. The man had said Jimin. Jungkook knew of course that Jimin was a pretty common name in Korea, but this wasn’t Korea. And Jungkook only knew one person with that name, who had the same somewhat high breathy voice he’d thought he recognized only a short while ago. Only now it was busted and shredded and filled with fear, becoming almost unrecognizable.

Jungkook darted to the dressing rooms, taking them one at a time, positively flying through the lead roles, lesser roles, fitting rooms. He was panting harshly and dripping sweat, his thoughts not making any sense. He didn’t understand what was even happening right now. Odd thoughts and feelings were swirling through him so fast he couldn’t make them out. The only thing he could truly feel and understand was the fear. He was so fucking scared he wouln’t get there in time to prevent something truly deplorable. What was already happening? What if he was already too late? He could still hear that horrible voice talking, and talking. Jimin was still sobbing and it sounded almost like he was choking. But he couldnt find them!

“Do you understand? You belong to me. If you ever, ever, let anybody touch you in ANY way, I will kill them. I will remove their filthy hands and gut them like swine. Do you uderstand me Jimin? You belong to me alone! This soft hair. This smooth skin. These taunt muscles…. firm thighs… this pretty pink cock. They do not belong to you. They are MINE.”

Jungkook lost the voice for a second when it seemed to become a whisper. He couldn’t catch it, it kept slipping or multiplying or simply changing.

“FUCK! Its all over the fucking place!” But when the man shouted a possessive MINE, Jungkook spun around and ran back toward the stage access. That’s the only place left.

He knew he was having insane thoughts, trying to process the words he was hearing. He knew now Jimin must already…already… Fuck, he can’t think of that right now. 'It’s not too late Jungkook. It’s not too late,’ he repeated in his head over and over. It wasn’t really working but it did prevent him from getting lost in what ifs.

“Please! No! No! Don’t, don’t touch! Ah! No no no no no…”

“Ha! Sweet little Jimin! You say no but your body is greedy, it wants more. More than quick wanks used only to relieve stress. You havn’t been self loving yourself lately baby. Why is that? Or did you realize that you need more than,” Jungkook didn’t know if he could actually hear it or if it was just implied, but he swore he heard a gulp, “more than the tentative teasing of small fingers against your pretty little hole. I know it must have been so frustrating, trying to pleasure yourself and not knowing how. Not being able to reach. Ill help you my love.”

Jungkook knew he had tears slipping down his cheeks. He could feel the warmth dripping onto his collar bone. His eyes were becoming blurry and he was beginning to feel hopeless. This guy sounded like he knew Jimin. Like he’d been watching him.

He skidded to a halt in the middle of the rounded stage. Bending over with his hands on his knees, trying to breathe but mostly just panting harshly. He knew they were close by, he could hear them so clearly.

'Goddamn it Jungkook! Think! You know this place better than anybody!’ He tugged his hair roughly, and tried to block out the sickening sounds. Tried to ignore his tear soaked face and his throbbing heart.

“You are so lovely Jimin. So, so lovely. Glowing skin, shining with sweat, flushed and trembling. How long I’ve waited for this, for you to belong to me. I will mark you as mine and everyone will know. All those filthy vermin, feasting their unworthy eyes on you! On my property! Then the insolence! Turning around to shove you and mock you! They will pay, but another day. This day is for us. Oh, Jimin, we truly belong together. Soon you too will know this. Soon, I will put my body inside of you, connecting us deeply to one another, and then you will see….so beautiful…”

“Shut up! Shut up! Shit! Left wing, right wing, stage hands. Lights, curtains, orchestra… Shit, where, where?” Jungkook whispered harshly to himself, still tugging his dark, sweaty locks. 'As if this wasn’t already so goddman hard, that nasty shit won’t shut up!’ Then he heard Jimin again, and he was seriously afraid he was gonna pass out from his heart suddenly stopping.

“Ah! Ah! Please no! I don’t like it! I don’t like it! I don’t want it! Stop! No no no no. Why, this, stop…,” deep shuddering breaths interspersed with choked off gasps, “Ahhh! It..it hurts!”

Jungkook can barely see from the fat tears rolling down his face. 'Think…think..WAIT!’

Jungkook runs behind the curtain, and looks up into the lights. Of course, there was an electricity panel located near the spotlight high up in the rafters. It had its own little cupboard that was really more of closet. And he happened to know that Jimin was a volunteer in the various theatrical clubs. He helped soloists practice by running the lights and spotlights when the lighting crew wasn’t obligated to be there.

“Fuck!” Jungkook threw his body toward the ladder. His hands were sweating and shaking and his legs were burning but he pushed through, and continued to climb.

“Help me! Please! Somebody! No! Plea-”

SMACK.

“Jimin, baby, I don’t want to hurt your lovely face, and I love to hear you scream, but you really need to be a bit more quiet.”

Jungkook was almost there. He had to slow down so he didn’t topple over, this really wasnt a super safe set up. He had to make his way around two entire walls to reach the lights facing the stage, that were so stupidly located on the other side of this stupid huge room! But he was beginning to feel another rush of adrenaline. He forgot the burning in his legs, the practically dangerous beating of his heart, his tears. He was almost there. Almost.

“No! NO! No no no n-”

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!

Jungkook jolted with every loud smack, the increasing volume shattering his barely built up hope. He was amost there. A few more steps, he could see the door. It wasn’t latched.

“Aww, Jimin. Look what you made me do. I so wanted to hear you and look into your eyes as I stake my claim on you, branding it into your flesh, for the very first time. Well, this docile you is quite enchanting, too. Oh, but I wanted to see you cum. Well, another time.”

Jungkook reached the door and didn’t hesitate to kick it with all his pent up adrenaline and fear and fucking aggression. To finally get Jimin away from that twisted, disgusting voice.

BANG! The door crumbled beneath his bare foot, he couldnt even feel any pain.

[sabianrhomnd-blog]

2/11/17-2/12/17

Today I went and purchased a bundle of heroin from the local dope dealer.

It's sucked.

Chunky black or blue residue.

The assumed "heroin" Didn't completely dissolve into the water solution, or draw into the syringe well. But I managed to get my "rig" to suck up what I thought was going to be the best thing that happened to me all day.

...It was not.

The quality and purity of said mystery drug cocktail were lower than the bar at a midget limbo championship

As I sat in the Hardys parking lot injecting hard drugs, my phone began to vibrate

The caller I.d reading "Bri"

"Yo, what's up"

"You wanna go to Franny's house with me and Tiff?"

In which I replied yes.

So they picked me up and I proceeded to ride with them to franny's house.

Once arriving at Our predisposed destination I was confronted with the Task of hooking up her "surround sound"...

Bribed with a few lines of meth I felt completely and inevitably compelled to grant Franny's wish of having a working functioning "surround sound"

So up the nostrils the meth went.

The best way to describe to one who has never snorted meth what it feels like, would have to be the closest thing to sniffing a blow torch.

The wrenching ache in the corner of the back of your head. That burn that makes your eyes water as if you chopped a large onion.

Then finally the unmistakable euphoric rush of speed settling into your blood stream. I could feel my heart begin to accelerate with the speed of a turbine jet.

so for about 2 hours, while Tiffany and Bri had they're makeup and hair done by Franny.. I tried to hook up this surround sound

(Which I did very well)

However it must have been broken it kept saying "speaker err"

Some where along the lines of all this happening,

Bri gets a call from this guy "Ben" that she is..

seeing..

And says that he has a hotel room at "the golden nugget" In Atlantic City.

In that moment we all made a grown up and responsible decision of staying up all night.

So the two of them finished up their make-overs if you will, and we all piled into Bri's slightly "lived-in" family sedan and headed to Atlantic City.

We arrived at apx. 2:45 a.m.

We pulled into the parking garage. The cold shearing air cutting through the thin layer of clothes I had on. Bri called her "friends" and they met us in the lobby, of a clearly overpriced hotel and casino resort of Asian descent.

We continued to the casino, through a maze of tacky "mafia Movie" esc. decor. Bri gave me 30 dollars to play slots. Which I did maintain surprisingly well for a while. But lost  all of it nonetheless. Bri however did very well for herself at one of the live blackjack tables.

(Side note: I kept $10)

Because Bri just won A bunch of money

And I had 0 dollars and drank away my only three dollars at nancys...

As the late night turned to early morning we we're sitting at the bar and neither me nor Tiffany had I.d. So we decided to follow one of Bri new "friends" up stairs.

Once back in the hotel room I finished the sprite and vodka that Tiffany had previously made me as well as 3 natural ice cans that I took from nancys fridge before we left...

They all went down surprisingly well, assuming I had the meth to thank for this, I wasn't drunk In the slightest. Shortly after I witnessed a pillow fight. It was great to see Tiffany having so much fun. She has this smile that is just so honest. That smile could light up a stadium, and yet that same smile made me weak in the knees. Just knowing that that kind of beauty exists, let alone in one of my close "friends", made me feel blessed to have her in my life. However at this point I was feeling pretty dope sick from the bullshit "dope" I had gotten earlier as well as coming down from all the meth we snorted at Franny's before embarking on our journey to the dirty Jerz.

Bri and her new friend "Ben" became friendly in one of the arm chairs in the severely over priced hotel room, when they developed a plan to walk around the city..  well.. Atlantic City.

I packed all my things into my backpack and followed Bri, Tiffany and Ben out of the hotel room and Into the frigid parking garage from hell.

Once we arrived in the parking garage I could not bare the temperature outside.

If I recall correctly someone mentioned it being 36 degrees out??

So I reluctantly asked Bri if I could just sit in the car while they went on they're "walk around the city"

She agreed because Bri loves me and is my best friend ever. Also more than likely because it was blatantly obvious I was going through some sort of withdrawal at this point.

It is there, alone in the car, where I reflected on my life choices and my current situation in life itself.

It was an eye opening experience, sitting there, freezing, half dope sick and high on meth.

The agony of knowing that my favorite activity is self destructing. Continuously asking myself how long I was going to be able to keep this up. The razor like cold chills running up my spine making me miss the warm loving embrace of my god forsaken drug of choice.

Laying there smoking the roach of a blunt I had rolled at Franny's, I realized that it was time to take control of my life and start doing something creative. Thus Subsequently the main inspiration for me beginning to write...

I sat and pondered. The rapid thoughts sprinting through my brain like the starting varsity football team during hell week practice...

Eventually Bri, Tiffany and Ben returned after what seemed like forever in the frozen family sedan

Upon her return, sitting passenger in the car, Tiffany drew in the fog on her window. It made me smile, as well as stop and appreciate the simple things in life that can actually make me crack a smile. It's a rare occurrence but definitely a genuine one. It's a funny feeling, when you can't help but to smile. Almost as if you'd be unable to hold it back if you tried. Like my teeth are a baby bird, breaking through the eggshell that it's spent its entire life incubating in only to get to this moment, where they tear through the prison that is my face as if this was destined to make me smile.

In the midst of all this I couldnt help realize how many cigarettes I WASN'T smoking.

This was a good thing considering I smoke about a pack or more a day.. some how I had managed to make a half pack last the duration of the adventure.

Bri, Tiffany, Ben and bens friends, and myself, all made our way to the breakfast buffet.

I had a few small muffins and two, what I presumed to be raspberry danish's. They were actually somewhat astounding, as they should have been for $15.99...

You could tell there was a lot of tension In the air. Everyone was on edge. It was terribly unpleasant.

It was at that point or shortly after we decided to make our way back to Home, where my un-made bed awaited me as well as a grandmother chock full of questions to bombard me with as soon as I set foot in the house.

The long ride home gave me ample amount of time to think about the looks Tiffany and I had been exchanging all day. They say that people are out into our lives on purpose to raise our sense of consciousness in that segment of or existence. I truly believe that. Both Tiffany and Bri had been put into my life for a reason.

We pulled into my driveway, the four of us exhausted and freezing from our recent adventure. I said my good byes and parted ways with the lovely ladies, advising them to be safe on their journey home.

[thisdaynews]

Trump couldn’t stick to a policy position this week

New Post has been published on https://thebiafrastar.com/trump-couldnt-stick-to-a-policy-position-this-week/

Trump couldn’t stick to a policy position this week

From taxes to Greenland to gun control, President Donald Trump has flipflopped on several positions this week. | Scott Olson/Getty Images

white house

The president offered whiplash-inducing shifts on guns, taxes and Greenland.

President Donald Trump offered a head-spinning range of policy positions this week, contradicting aides and even himself multiple times on gun control, tax cuts and his interest in buying Greenland.

Trump is no stranger to whiplash-inducing policy shifts that leave his aides and congressional allies flat-footed. And it’s well-known that he often parrots the talking points of the last person he talked to on any hot-button issue.

Story Continued Below

But Trump’s recent reversals were notable for their breakneck pace and their far-reaching impact, as they left lawmakers, foreign leaders and voters scratching their heads.

Below are the most notable comments from Trump and his aides on the evolving views from the White House:

TAX CUTS

Aug. 18:National Economic Council Director Larry Kudlow, pressed on Trump’s left-field promise during the midterms to enact another round of tax cuts for the middle class, says on “Fox News Sunday,” they’re on the table: “We are looking at it. Tax cuts 2.0. We are looking at all that.”

Aug. 19:The Washington Post reports that there is chatter among some in the White House about pursuing a temporary payroll tax cut as a means of juicing the economy. Officially, the White House rejects that suggestion in a statement: “As [National Economic Council Director Larry Kudlow] said yesterday, more tax cuts for the American people are certainly on the table, but cutting payroll taxes is not something under consideration at this time.”

Aug. 20:Trump contradicts his aides, confirming to reporters in the Oval Office that he is considering a payroll tax cut, among other things.

“We’ve been talking about indexing for a long time. And many people like indexing, and it can be done very simply, it can be done directly by me. We’ve been looking at that,” he says. “So we’re talking about indexing, and we’re always looking at the capital gains tax, payroll tax. We’re looking at — I would love to do something on capital gains, we’re talking about that, that’s a big deal, goes through Congress. Payroll tax is something we think about, and a lot of people would like to see that.”

Aug. 21:Trump reverses himself, telling reporters outside the White House, “I’m not looking at a tax cut now. We don’t need it, we have a strong economy. Certainly a payroll tax cut. President Obama did that in order to artificially jack up the economy.”

GUNS

Aug. 5:A day after back-to-back massacres in Texas and Ohio killed 31 and wounded dozens others, Trump expresses support for “strong background checks,” writing on Twitter that “we cannot let those killed in El Paso, Texas, and Dayton, Ohio, die in vain.”

Aug. 7:Trump reiterates his support for advancing some kind of background check legislation.

“I’m looking to do background checks. I think background checks are important,” he tells reporters, stopping short of calling on Congress to return from its August recess. “I don’t want to put guns into the hands of mentally unstable people or people with rage or hate, sick people. I don’t want to — I’m all in favor of it.”

Aug. 9:The president predicts the NRA will fall in line with his call for background checks, telling reporters, “We have tremendous support for really commonsense, sensible, important background checks.”

Aug. 13:Despite his resistance to taking up House-passed background check bills, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell supports strengthening them, Trump claims.

“I believe that Mitch — and I can tell you, from my standpoint, I would like to see meaningful background checks. And I think something will happen.”

Aug. 15:The president begins to retreat from the issue of background checks, pivoting to mental health when asked for a progress update.

“I’ve been speaking to everybody about it. And we don’t want to see crazy people owning guns,” he tells reporters ahead of a campaign rally. “But I also want to remember that mental illness is something nobody wants to talk about. These people are mentally ill and we have to study that also.”

Still, in response to a question about whether he supports universal background checks, Trump says he backs “strong, meaningful background checks.”

Aug. 18:Trump backpedals even more when speaking with reporters on his way back to Washington after an extended stay at his club in Bedminster, N.J.

“Congress is looking at it very strongly. Bipartisan,” he says. However, he adds, “I’m also very, very concerned with the Second Amendment, more so than most presidents would be. People don’t realize we have very strong background checks right now.”

Aug. 20:Trump suggests he would support a more incremental background check bill, stepping back from the sweeping language he’d used even a week earlier and beginning to caution against going down a “slippery slope” of gun control.

“We have very strong background checks now, but we have sort of missing areas, areas that don’t complete the whole circle,” he tells reporters. “And we’re looking at different things. I have to tell you that it is a mental problem — and I’ve said it a hundred times, it is not the gun that pulls the trigger, it is the person that pulls the trigger.”

At some point in the afternoon, according to The Atlantic, Trump calls NRA executive vice president Wayne LaPierre to inform him that universal background checks are off the table.

Aug. 21:Trump again moderates his background check rhetoric, insisting he still has “an appetite for background checks” and pledging that “we’ll be doing background checks. We’re working with Democrats. We’re working with Republicans. And we already have very strong background checks. But we’re going to be filling in some of the loopholes.”

The president denies telling LaPierre that he no longer plans to pursue the issue, and pushes back against reporters pointing out that his “slippery slope” language echoes the gun lobby’s talking points.

“We have background checks, but there are loopholes in the background checks. That’s what I spoke to the NRA about yesterday,” he argued. “They want to get rid of the loopholes as well as I do. At the same time, I don’t want to take away people’s Second Amendment rights.”

GREENLAND

Aug. 15:The Wall Street Journal reports that Trump has repeatedly broached the idea of purchasing Greenland, the semi-autonomous Arctic island that is part of the Kingdom of Denmark. According to the Journal, it’s unclear how serious Trump is about such an acquisition.

Aug. 16:Greenland responds bluntly to Trump, with the territory’s foreign ministry tweeting: “We are open for business, but we’re not for sale.”

Aug. 18:Trump confirms that he’s mulled the idea of purchasing Greenland, explaining to reporters that “the concept came up, and I said, ‘Certainly, I‘d be. Strategically, it‘s interesting, and we‘d be interested.’” He adds: “It’s not No. 1 on the burner, I can tell you that.”

He notes that he may have a trip to Denmark on the calendar, and claims that Denmark is losing hundreds of millions of dollars carrying Greenland.

Aug. 19:Trump tweets out a photoshopped picture of a Greenland village with Trump Tower superimposed on it. “I promise not to do this to Greenland!” he writes.

Aug. 20:Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen calls Trump’s eyeing of Greenland “absurd.”

“Greenland is not for sale. Greenland is not Danish. Greenland belongs to Greenland. I strongly hope that this is not meant seriously,” she told newspaper Sermitsiaq. “It’s an absurd discussion, and [Greenland Premier] Kim Kielsen has of course made it clear that Greenland is not for sale. That’s where the conversation ends.”

In response, Trump abruptly cancels his upcoming trip to Copenhagen.

“Denmark is a very special country with incredible people, but based on Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen’s comments, that she would have no interest in discussing the purchase of Greenland, I will be postponing our meeting scheduled in two weeks for another time,” he said in a tweet, thanking Frederiksen for saving “a great deal of expense and effort for both the United States and Denmark by being so direct.”

Aug. 21:Trump escalates his spat with Frederiksen, dismissing her comments as “nasty.”

“Greenland was just an idea, just a thought,” he tells reporters. “I thought that the prime minister’s statement that it was ‘absurd,’ that it was an ‘absurd’ idea, was nasty. I thought it was an inappropriate statement. All she had to do is say, ‘No, we wouldn’t be interested.’”

Trump laments that he had been looking forward to visiting Denmark and points out that he’s not the first U.S. president to consider buying Greenland.

“This has been discussed for many years. Harry Truman had the idea of Greenland. I had the idea, other people have had the idea. It goes back into the early 1900s. But Harry Truman very strongly thought it was a good idea, I think it’s a good idea, because Denmark is losing $700 million a year with it. It doesn’t do them any good,” he argues.

Read More

[rideretremando]

Inequality

American stories trace the sweep of history, but their details are definingly particular. In the summer of 1979, Elizabeth Anderson, then a rising junior at Swarthmore College, got a job as a bookkeeper at a bank in Harvard Square. Every morning, she and the other bookkeepers would process a large stack of bounced checks. Businesses usually had two accounts, one for payroll and the other for costs and supplies. When companies were short of funds, Anderson noticed, they would always bounce their payroll checks. It made a cynical kind of sense: a worker who was owed money wouldn’t go anywhere, or could be replaced, while an unpaid supplier would stop supplying. Still, Anderson found it disturbing that businesses would write employees phony checks, burdening them with bounce fees. It appeared to happen all the time.

Midway through summer, the bank changed its office plan. When Anderson had started, the bookkeepers worked in rows of desks. Coördination was easy—a check that fell under someone else’s purview could be handed down the line—and there was conversation throughout the day. Then cubicles were added. That transformation interrupted the workflow, the conversational flow, and most other things about the bookkeepers’ days. Their capacities as workers were affected, yet the change had come down from on high.

These problems nagged at Anderson that summer and beyond. She had arrived at college as a libertarian who wanted to study economics. In the spirit of liberal-arts exploration, though, she enrolled in an introductory philosophy course whose reading list included Karl Marx’s 1844 manuscripts concerning worker alienation. Anderson thought that Marx’s economic arguments about the declining rate of profit and the labor theory of value fell apart under scrutiny. But she was stirred by his observational writings about the experience of work. Her summer at the bank drove home the fact that systemic behavior inside the workplace was part of the socioeconomic fabric, too: it mattered whether you were the person who got a clear check or a bounced check, whether a hierarchy made it easier or harder for you to excel and advance. Yet economists had no way of factoring those influences into their thinking. As far as they were concerned, a job was a contract—an exchange of labor for money—and if you were unhappy you left. The nature of the workplace, where most people spent half their lives, was a black box.

Anderson grew intellectually restless. Other ideas that were presented as cornerstones of economics, such as rational-choice theory, didn’t match the range of human behaviors that she was seeing in the wild. She liked how philosophy approached big problems that cut across various fields, but she was most excited by methods that she encountered in the history and the philosophy of science. Like philosophers, scientists chased Truth, but their theories were understood to be provisional—tools for resolving problems as they appeared, models valuable only to the extent that they explained and predicted what showed in experiments. A Newtonian model of motion had worked beautifully for a long time, but then people noticed bits of unaccountable data, and relativity emerged as a stronger theory. Couldn’t disciplines like philosophy work that way, too?

The bank experience showed how you could be oppressed by hierarchy, working in an environment where you were neither free nor equal. But this implied that freedom and equality were bound together in some way beyond the basic state of being unenslaved, which was an unorthodox notion. Much social thought is rooted in the idea of a conflict between the two. If individuals exercise freedoms, conservatives like to say, some inequalities will naturally result. Those on the left basically agree—and thus allow constraints on personal freedom in order to reduce inequality. The philosopher Isaiah Berlin called the opposition between equality and freedom an “intrinsic, irremovable element in human life.” It is our fate as a society, he believed, to haggle toward a balance between them.

In this respect, it might seem odd that, through history, equality and freedom have arrived together as ideals. What if they weren’t opposed, Anderson wondered, but, like the sugar-phosphate chains in DNA, interlaced in a structure that we might not yet understand? What if the way most of us think about the relation between equality and freedom—the very basis for the polarized, intractable political division of this moment—is wrong?

At fifty-nine, Anderson is the chair of the University of Michigan’s department of philosophy and a champion of the view that equality and freedom are mutually dependent, enmeshed in changing conditions through time. Working at the intersection of moral and political philosophy, social science, and economics, she has become a leading theorist of democracy and social justice. She has built a case, elaborated across decades, that equality is the basis for a free society. Her work, drawing on real-world problems and information, has helped to redefine the way contemporary philosophy is done, leading what might be called the Michigan school of thought. Because she brings together ideas from both the left and the right to battle increasing inequality, Anderson may be the philosopher best suited to this awkward moment in American life. She builds a democratic frame for a society in which people come from different places and are predisposed to disagree.

One recent autumn morning, Anderson flew from Ann Arbor, where she lives, to Columbus, to deliver a lecture at Ohio State University. With a bit of time before her talk, she sat in a high-backed chair and spoke with undergraduates about her work. “Almost everyone wants to be respected and esteemed by others, so how can you make that compatible with a society of equals?” she asked. The students, looking a touch wary, listened intently and stared.

People who meet Anderson in the world often find that she is more approachable than they imagined an august philosopher to be. She is, she’d be the first to say, a klutz. Most days, she wears a colorful cotton blouse, hiking sneakers, and hard-wearing khakis that could bear a carabiner full of keys. “Liz doesn’t put on airs,” her friend Rebecca Eisenberg, a professor at the University of Michigan Law School, says. Dan Troyka, another friend, says, “She could be at a potluck as easily as at a philosophy symposium.” She talks on a dais the way she does to buddies over lunch—in a trumpety voice, flattened across mid-American vowels—and has only a nodding acquaintance with many decorums. A few friends felt unsettled when she was interviewed on cable news earlier this year; it was the first time they had ever seen her wearing makeup.

In Ohio, she wore a loose black dress, trimmed in hot pink, over billowing pants and black flats. (“Feminists work to overcome the internal obstacles to choice—self-abnegation, lack of confidence, and low self-esteem—that women often face from internalizing norms of femininity,” Anderson, who holds a joint professorship in women’s studies, has written.) She crossed her right leg over her left and blinked as students formulated questions. She takes great pleasure in arranging information in useful forms; if she weren’t a philosopher, she thinks, she’d like to be a mapmaker, or a curator of archeological displays in museums.

As the students listened, she sketched out the entry-level idea that one basic way to expand equality is by expanding the range of valued fields within a society. Unlike a hardscrabble peasant community of yore in which the only skill that anyone cared about might be agricultural prowess, a society with many valued arenas lets individuals who are good at art or storytelling or sports or making people laugh receive a bit of love.

“Is the idea that we expand the number of values so that everyone gets a piece of the scene?” a young woman asked. She was trying to understand how hierarchies of esteem could be compatible with equality. “Or is there some sort of respectable limit, so we’re, like, We’ve sort of found the things we value, and you’ve got to aim for one of them!”

Anderson replied with a bright cackle of delight: Hah-hah-hah! Friends have noted that her laughter, like the autumn weather, comes in warm and chilly forms. There’s a staccato laugh of encouraging good humor (Hah!). There is, more ominously, a rough, guttural chuckle of declining barometric pressure (Hhhh-aahr-aahr-aahr), with which she introduces ideas she considers comically, dangerously bad. Addressing the student’s question, she posited endless innovation within general values. “Like, every society has music, and great musical performers always get esteem,” she said, extending her forearms in a teddy-bear position of embrace.

In general, Anderson is outgoing when conversation turns to ideas and shy about other things. (“If you want to make her totally uncomfortable, tell her she has to go to a fancy function in a cocktail dress,” her husband says.) Now she cleared her throat noisily. “If you look back at the origins of liberalism, it starts first with a certain settlement about religious difference,” she said. “Catholics, Protestants—they’re killing each other! Finally, Germany, England, all these places say, We’re tired of these people killing each other, so we’re going to make a peace settlement: religious toleration, live and let live.”

She spread her hands wider. “Then something remarkable happens,” she said. “People now have the freedom to have crosscutting identities in different domains. At church, I’m one thing. At work, I’m something else. I’m something else at home, or with my friends. The ability not to have an identity that one carries from sphere to sphere but, rather, to be able to slip in and adopt whatever values and norms are appropriate while retaining one’s identities in other domains?” She paused. “That is what it is to be free.”

A few years after her summer at the bank, Anderson was back in Cambridge, as a Harvard graduate student, studying political and moral philosophy under the mentorship of John Rawls. At a dinner party one evening, she was introduced to a former philosophy undergraduate named David Jacobi. He was smart, winsomely geeky, and uncommonly kind, and he had a thing for brainy women. They began dating. Jacobi wound up in medical school. Anderson wound up teaching at Michigan. She was touched when he requested a hospital near her, in Detroit, for his internship. Sometime after that, they got married, though neither recalls exactly when. They looked for a place to live near Jacobi’s job, and their criteria were simple: price, neighborhood, and space.

As Anderson toured apartments, though, she noticed other forces in play. Greater Detroit was effectively segregated by race. Oak Park had middle-class white sections and middle-class black sections. In Southfield, a real-estate agent told her not to worry, because locals were “holding the line against blacks at 10 Mile Road.” Until then, Anderson had not thought seriously about race; she assumed that reasonable people treated it as undefining. Now she felt herself being swept, as a middle-class white woman, into a particular zone. To the extent that it constrained her options, it felt like an impingement on freedom. To the extent that it entrenched racial hierarchy, it seemed anti-egalitarian as well.

As a rule, it’s easy to complain about inequality, hard to settle on the type of equality we want. Do we want things to be equal where we start in life or where we land? When inequalities arise, what are the knobs that we adjust to get things back on track? Individually, people are unequal in countless ways, and together they join groups that resist blending. How do you build up a society that allows for such variety without, as in the greater-Detroit real-estate market, turning difference into a constraint? How do you move from a basic model of egalitarian variety, in which everybody gets a crack at being a star at something, to figuring out how to respond to a complex one, where people, with different allotments of talent and virtue, get unequal starts, and often meet with different constraints along the way?

In 1999, Anderson published an article in the journal Ethics, titled “What Is the Point of Equality?,” laying out the argument for which she is best known. “If much recent academic work defending equality had been secretly penned by conservatives,” she began, opening a grenade in the home trenches, “could the results be any more embarrassing for egalitarians?”

The problem, she proposed, was that contemporary egalitarian thinkers had grown fixated on distribution: moving resources from lucky-seeming people to unlucky-seeming people, as if trying to spread the luck around. This was a weird and nebulous endeavor. Is an heir who puts his assets into a house in a flood zone and loses it unlucky—or lucky and dumb? Or consider a woman who marries rich, has children, and stays at home to rear them (crucial work for which she gets no wages). If she leaves the marriage to escape domestic abuse and subsequently struggles to support her kids, is that bad luck or an accretion of bad choices? Egalitarians should agree about clear cases of blameless misfortune: the quadriplegic child, the cognitively impaired adult, the teen-ager born into poverty with junkie parents. But Anderson balked there, too. By categorizing people as lucky or unlucky, she argued, these egalitarians set up a moralizing hierarchy. In the article, she imagined some citizens getting a state check and a bureaucratic letter:

To the disabled: Your defective native endowments or current disabilities, alas, make your life less worth living than the lives of normal people. . . . To the stupid and untalented: Unfortunately, other people don’t value what little you have to offer in the system of production. . . . Because of the misfortune that you were born so poorly endowed with talents, we productive ones will make it up to you: we’ll let you share in the bounty of what we have produced with our vastly superior and highly valued abilities. . . . To the ugly and socially awkward: . . . Maybe you won’t be such a loser in love once potential dates see how rich you are.

By letting the lucky class go on reaping the market’s chancy rewards while asking others to concede inferior status in order to receive a drip-drip-drip of redistributive aid, these egalitarians were actually entrenching people’s status as superior or subordinate. Generations of bleeding-heart theorists had been doing the wolf’s work in shepherds’ dress.

In Anderson’s view, the way forward was to shift from distributive equality to what she called relational, or democratic, equality: meeting as equals, regardless of where you were coming from or going to. This was, at heart, an exercise of freedom. The trouble was that many people, picking up on libertarian misconceptions, thought of freedom only in the frame of their own actions. If one person’s supposed freedom results in someone else’s subjugation, that is not actually a free society in action. It’s hierarchy in disguise.

To be truly free, in Anderson’s assessment, members of a society had to be able to function as human beings (requiring food, shelter, medical care), to participate in production (education, fair-value pay, entrepreneurial opportunity), to execute their role as citizens (freedom to speak and to vote), and to move through civil society (parks, restaurants, workplaces, markets, and all the rest). Egalitarians should focus policy attention on areas where that order had broken down. Being homeless was an unfree condition by all counts; thus, it was incumbent on a free society to remedy that problem. A quadriplegic adult was blocked from civil society if buildings weren’t required to have ramps. Anderson’s democratic model shifted the remit of egalitarianism from the idea of equalizing wealth to the idea that people should be equally free, regardless of their differences. A society in which everyone had the same material benefits could still be unequal, in this crucial sense; democratic equality, being predicated on equal respect, wasn’t something you could simply tax into existence. “People, not nature, are responsible for turning the natural diversity of human beings into oppressive hierarchies,” Anderson wrote.

Anderson was born early, at three pounds six ounces, and stayed small through childhood, wearing toddler-size clothes into the second grade. “People tended to treat her as much younger than her real age and ability,” her mother, Eve, says. For years, she scarcely spoke; she had a lisp and seemed loath to reveal the imperfection. Eve recalls passing her bedroom and hearing her practicing her name repeatedly, E-liz-a-beth, trying to get it right. When she was three, her mother asked, “Why do you allow your brother to talk for you?”—why didn’t she speak for herself?

“Until now, it simply was not necessary,” Elizabeth said. It was the first full sentence that she had ever uttered.

Their household, in Manchester, Connecticut, was mixed and fluid. Eve, a freelance journalist, was Jewish; Anderson’s father, Olof, an aeronautical engineer, had been brought up Swedish Lutheran. They helped found a local Unitarian Universalist worship space. Eve volunteered at the local Democratic Party headquarters and had campaigned for Adlai Stevenson; in 1964, Olof was elected to a Democratic seat on the Manchester board of directors. “They were throwing fund-raising parties all the time,” Anderson recalls. She, in contrast, felt awkward and anxious. “Books were secure—this was something I could master and control.”

The reading led to other interests. “Everyone had something to teach her,” Laura Grande, a childhood friend, says. “She wasn’t interested in parties, or in social gatherings that weren’t enlightening.” Anderson dreamed of studying math and economics, because she loved the way they hung together in a tight system. At one point, Olof and Elizabeth read Plato’s Republic and Mill’s “On Liberty” together. The world outside seemed untidy; she found peace in the stability of shared ideas.

One Friday afternoon, Anderson sat with Kimberly Chuang, a soft-spoken twenty-nine-year-old who had just defended her dissertation, the final rite of passage before the Ph.D. Chuang had devised a model for “contributive justice,” determining what people owe society, rather than what society owes them: a frameshift with implications for taxation. At the defense, five professors prodded her with questions in the manner of a dental scaler scraping away plaque—an excavation that Chuang seemed to enjoy in proportion. They deliberated, then issued good news. “You’re a doctor!” Anderson said. Everybody stood up and applauded.

Anderson had invented a “Ph.D. to lecturer” program at Michigan, to give new doctors a grace year to teach and to apply for jobs, and Chuang was to be the inaugural fellow. Still, Chuang blanched as they discussed the scope of her new obligations. She had four classes to help teach, and was supposed to give talks at a slew of international conferences. How should she prepare these audition-like presentations?

“Don’t write up,” Anderson advised. “Just do PowerPoint slides.” Behind her, a PC was mounted on a treadmill desk; she tries to get in ten thousand steps a day. She went on, “Give the big picture, make points to motivate the idea, and punt all the objections to the Q. & A. What ensues is a very lively Q. & A.”

Chuang knitted her brow. An esteemed philosopher at Oxford reads his talks, she said.

“Yeah, horrible,” Anderson said. “So retro.” The issue was that people were afraid of questions, and tried to address them all preëmptively. She laughed darkly: Hhhh-aahr-aahr-aahr. “Philosophers are too risk averse, and this makes listening to philosophers tedious.”

Anderson landed at Michigan out of graduate school, in 1987, and never left, despite being courted by other universities, starting with an “out of the blue” tenure-track job offer from Princeton the following year. Michigan, despite its winters, seemed a warmer place. The school was huge, but Anderson liked the size. (“For any subject I’m interested in—and I’m interested in a zillion things—I know there will be an expert who can lead me to essential sources,” she says.) Still, there were challenges. On her first day, a senior colleague took her to lunch—a friendly welcome, she assumed, until he started telling her his thoughts on why she was the only woman in the department. Then he lighted into Martha Nussbaum, who had taught her Plato at Harvard, and Nussbaum’s recent book “The Fragility of Goodness,” which had made her a star. Many people have doubted that women are capable of doing good philosophy, he mused, and this book offered no counterevidence. Anderson remembers, “I was, like, Uh-oh.”

Until then, Anderson had never really considered the role of gender in her career. She later learned that there were fewer women in academic philosophy than in either math or astrophysics, and a sense of the way inequality was built into that pipeline propelled her interest in feminist philosophy. In 1993, she became the first woman in Michigan’s department to be tenured from within.

Her first book, “Value in Ethics and Economics,” appeared that year, announcing one of her major projects: reconciling value (an amorphous ascription of worth that is a keystone of ethics and economics) with pluralism (the fact that people seem to value things in different ways). Philosophers have often assumed that pluralistic value reflects human fuzziness—we’re loose, we’re confused, and we mix rational thought with sentimental responses. Anderson proposed that, actually, pluralism of value wasn’t the fuzz but the thing itself. She offered an “expressive” theory: in her view, each person’s values could be various because they were socially expressed, and thus shaped by the range of contexts and relationships at play in a life. Instead of positing value as a basic, abstract quality across society (the way “utility” functioned for economists), she saw value as something determined by the details of an individual’s history. Like her idea of relational equality, this model resisted the temptation to flatten human variety toward a unifying standard. In doing so, it helped expand the realm of free and reasoned economic choice.

Consider a couple who has worked for years to run a family restaurant and is offered a corporate buyout, worth more than they could earn by keeping it open. Traditional economists and many philosophers would say, Take the money! That would maximize value. Maybe you can use it to start a new restaurant. In Anderson’s expressive model, the couple might have a sound reason to refuse. “They did not work all those years to make millions for some brand-x corporation,” she wrote. “A concern for the narrative unity of their lives, for what meaning their present choices make of their past actions, could rationally motivate them to turn down the offer.” The value of that narrative unity was beyond the reach of the market: for that couple, no price was the right price.

In this sense, “Value in Ethics and Economics” was partly about reclaiming moral authority from the cold-eyed neoclassical economists who guided policy in the eighties and nineties. Anderson’s model unseated the premises of rational-choice theory, in which individuals invariably make utility-maximizing decisions, occasionally in heartless-seeming ways. It ran with, rather than against, moral intuition. Because values were plural, it was perfectly rational to choose to spend evenings with your family, say, and have guilt toward the people you left in the lurch at work.

The theory also pointed out the limits on free-market ideologies, such as libertarianism. In ethics, it broke across old factional debates. The core idea “has been picked up on by people across quite a range of positions,” Peter Railton, one of Anderson’s longtime colleagues, says. “Kantians and consequentialists alike”—people who viewed morality in terms of duties and obligations, and those who measured the morality of actions by their effects in the world—“could look at it and see something important.”

“She has this way of challenging the dominant model and assumptions in multiple areas,” Sally Haslanger, a former colleague of Anderson’s who is now at M.I.T., says. “She has that ability to turn the lens so that people who thought they knew the way to proceed are now seeing very different things.”

Part of the novelty in Anderson’s approach came from a shift in how she practiced philosophy. Traditionally, the discipline is taught through a-priori thought—you start with basic principles and reason forward. Anderson, by contrast, sought to work empirically, using information gathered from the world, identifying problems to be solved not abstractly but through the experienced problems of real people.

Shortly after arriving at Michigan, she had been struck by the work of a law-school colleague, Don Herzog, which incorporated a turn-of-the-century school of American thought called pragmatism. To a pragmatist, “truth” is an instrumental and contingent state; a claim is true for now if, by all tests, it works for now. This approach, and the friendship that had borne it, enriched Anderson’s work. Herzog has offered notes on almost everything she has published in the past three decades.

In 2004, the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy asked Anderson to compose its entry on the moral philosophy of John Dewey, who helped carry pragmatist methods into the social realm. Dewey had an idea of democracy as a system of good habits that began in civil life. He was an anti-ideologue with an eye for pluralism. Anderson was quickly smitten. In 2013, when she was elevated to Michigan’s highest professorship and got to name her chair—a kind of academic spirit animal—she styled herself the John Dewey Distinguished University Professor. “Dewey argued that the primary problems for ethics in the modern world concerned the ways society ought to be organized, rather than personal decisions of the individual,” Anderson wrote in her Stanford Encyclopedia entry. As she turned to problems in her work and her life, his thought became a crucial guide.

Anderson and her husband went to lunch at Zingerman’s, a deli restaurant in downtown Ann Arbor. It was a warm weekend, and Anderson, who had just come from a walk of a few thousand steps in the arboretum, ordered peaches with jalapeño dressing and a bowl of gazpacho. Jacobi, who had come from a four-mile jog, got a brisket sandwich, fruit salad, and a Dr. Brown’s black-cherry soda. “I should never come here after running,” he told the woman at the counter. (He often strikes up small, self-revealing conversations with people at registers.) Outside, they found a table in the shade. Anderson sat, and Jacobi put an arm around her.

“I’ve got my love puppy,” Anderson said.

He stiffened indignantly. “Your love dog,” he said.

[derivatived]

stalkers that never go away

i think its safe to say that we have all had people in our lives that just DONT go away. you have told them or have done things to make them understand that they need to leave you alone. these experiences can happen with literally anyone- strangers, friends, parents, or anybody that crosses your path. most of the time these stalkers, for lack of a better word, just fade away. they get bored, find someone new, or you find a way to avoid them. i wish that was my case.

i have dealt with ending friendships or just growing apart from someone but i did not deal with ending a friendship and having that person turn into a literal stalker until 1.5-2 years ago. this stalking and harassment continues indirectly to this day. let me start from the beginning if youre still interested.

i had become friends with this girl my senior year of high school. our friendship hit off very quickly and obviously we had a great time together, through texts, snapchat, whatever. we went to different universities for two years and maintained this best friendhood throughout those years. we both were unhappy with our schools and our majors so we both decided to transfer to a new school together and become roommates as well as best friends. keep in mind, we told each other everything. we trusted each other.

when we finally moved in together to start our third year of college, i realized that things would be different. i had not realized one of the biggest reasons my friend had chose this school was more so for a guy she had been seeing casually. several months before we moved in, they became official. of course i was happy for her because she was happy. but trust me, this dude was and is a total douche. this guy had also went to our high school and was in our friend group, which is how the two met and rekindled. this guy also took women’s virginities and hung the bloody sheets on his wall and bragged about it, NOT KIDDING. if that isn’t an indicator of poor character, i don’t know what is. but that was several years ago and my friend was happy, so fuck it, whatever.

as we started living together, i realized my best friend became more interested in hanging out with her new boyfriend and his friends. i constantly felt annoyed when we all hung out because she wasnt being herself, she was being someone completely different than the friend i had for years. it was like she needed these stranger’s approval to make her boyfriend happy. if i made an inappropriate joke, which i’m known for, everyone would laugh but my “best friend” would scold me in front of everyone. over a few months, i got really bored with these people. her boyfriend and all of their friends just constantly disrespected women, including me and my friend, but she and everyone else just laughed along with it. i honestly did not appreciate the personalities of my friends boyfriend or his friends and it was lame.

aside from her new lame ass friend group, i was also dealing with my own issues. i had went through a breakup with someone i met online. when i confided in my roommate/friend, she basically shrugged me off. i mean, i was really upset about the whole thing. it took me months to get over that shit. but she shrugged me off and honestly treated me rudely because i was upset about it. it is important to remember, that even though i was annoyed with her and her choice of friends, i still confided her with this secret basically. my online relationship wasnt something i shouted from rooftops and is something i am still embarrassed of 3 years later.

but anyway, our friendship slowly faded. she was more interested in getting drunk with her boyfriend and his friends. i kind of grew out of that stage and i truly did not like the people she was hanging out with. 4 months into living with each other, winter break came and we both went home for a month. keep in mind, we had the same friend group from home. when i got home, i started making plans with everyone that was home. occasionally i invited my roommate but she said no every time except once because she was working. i stopped asking and figured since we know the same people, she can make plans when shes available. i saw her once that month. the texts and snaps we used to have also faded btw.

when we got back to school, she made it a point not to invite me anywhere with her boyfriend or their friends. when i brought it up to her she was just like yeah im not inviting you because you didnt invite me to anything over break. i was seriously like in shock. we had the same friends, she denied me so many times, and she was making this point to not invite me anywhere because of it? but i was just like alright i didnt know you felt that way. we basically dealt with the problem and moved on. but nothing changed and i would say this is where the harassment/stalking began. we eventually stopped talking sometime around march. i had also gotten a boyfriend from a different school and went to visit him a lot. but i stopped saying hi to her and i stopped initiating any contact just to see what would happen. the funny thing was that we didnt speak to each other until may because i stopped starting conversations and putting in effort. imagine not talking to your roommate for 2 months? well, the story gets worse.

but ya know, whatever. i give people chances. i knew we were both taking physics over the summer at our school so i started talking to her again. i also still wanted to be her friend, i did not decide not to be until many months later. anyway, we were both biology majors taking physics. this was a 5 week summer course that went at an advanced rate but the professor was cool and made it super easy- the homework problems were the exam. unfortunately, my friend/roommate dropped the course after the first week. she did super bad on the first exam. i tried to tutor her and i did everything i could as a friend to insist she not drop the course. i was pretty surprised by what happened next. she was just really accusatory towards me (i did very well on the exam bc i studied and love math). she claimed she couldnt take classes with me (we took one before and i did better than her) etc. but if you want the truth, she didnt study for the exam and got drunk at a bar with her boyfriend the night before, thats why she didnt do well. but i digress. she dropped the course and a week later she told me she was changing her major.

now the major change is another thing entirely. this pissed me off to no end because it was like i knew her so well. i knew she wanted a degree in biology.. she switched to pre-pa. and i tried to convince her not to but she kept insisting she could be pre-pa and still go into genetic counseling or a genetics career later (which is what she had always said she wanted to do). but basically she changed her major to pre-pa and i butted out. i am not dissing pre-pa majors. i think thats a good major.. if you want to become a pa.. but she didnt.. so it was a huge mistake.

anyway, summer ends and we actually have a new roommate moving into our apartment for the next two semesters. we had both agreed to this a year ago, ya know, when we were still friends. the guy that moved in was her boyfriends best friend. yeah. so again, this dude was a total douche as well. sexist, jokes about rape, sexual harassment, bla bla. just a complete idiot like her boyfriend. but whatever, I GIVE EVERYONE CHANCES.

he moves in and it was alright at first. but i noticed my best friend just like wanted nothing to do with me anymore, she was literally up this guys ass all fucking day now. she never had time to chill with me during the day but suddenly she has time for this dude. and this goes back to earlier when i said about her being a different person around her boyfriends friends. she just wanted to fit in so badly and have friends. me and her had also gotten into huge argument before he moved in. she had kind of ditched me on my 21st birthday and lied about it. she said she had an exam for a summer class, then ordered a pizza to our house, and left with it to go to her boyfriends place. whatever. we sorted it out kind of but i was really distant.

so at the end of september we got into another huge argument which was honestly it for me. in early september, my roommates had some people over and let someone sleep in my bed. i am still unsure of what happened or who did it, but when i came back from my boyfriends after that weekend, there was blood on my sheets and brand new white comforter. i asked them if someone was in my bed just because i was so confused and they both lied. i didnt tell them about the blood because i honestly was just afraid to know what happened in my room. i washed my sheets and shit then put two locks on both my doors. i had a backdoor that led onto the porch where mail was delivered. but ya know, if youre gonna leave blood stains on peoples shit, ya cant invite yourself into their room anymore. so the locks were on, i left the next weekend. i got a text sometime saturday from my roommate that was like “if you put locks on the doors you need to give a key to both of us” and i was like nah i dont really want people in my room. basically we went back and forth through text and her argument was that my room cant be locked bc its easy access to the porch for mail or just to hangout (no one hung out on that porch ever btw). but i was just like nah walk around. i got back sunday and locks on my doors were removed. there was damage to the windows and doors from them breaking in. 

keep in mind, i had been very nice to this girl considering all of the dumb shit shes said and done to me so far (some of those things are little details i left out but she was basically an asshole to me). unfortunately, i have a temper and when i get pissed off enough, someone is being told. i was so pissed off that she broke in with our other roommate and did something she had no right or reason to do?? why do you need access to my bedroom so badly?? i didnt really care. i went into her room and was like hey, did you go into my room this weekend? and she looked fake confused and said no. and i was like alright well all of the locks are undone and i can see you were in there so why? and she was like no one was in your room but we are allowed to have access to the porch. and i was like no you were in my room, walk around if you want on the porch you never use. and she was like well i had medicine delivered on the porch- AND basically this is when i stopped listening. i remember this conversation because i actually recorded it and made fun of her later with my friends because she tripped and stuttered on her own lies. the argument ended with me lecturing and belittling her for acting like a little kid. we didnt speak after that for a week and a half and she didnt go into my room as far as i know. 

so a week and a half later, the internet bill in my name was due. neither of my roommates paid me on time. they paid in venmo the day it was due or the day after. it honestly started to piss me off bc i was sick of having to ask for it, pay for it myself, and wait for their money to get into my bank account. i put a note on the fridge that was like “pls pay internet or dont use :)”. this was totally passive aggressive and bitchy but c’mon. it was 16 fucking dollars. just pay it on time. i was in lab for  class when i got a bitchy text from my roommate. i honestly dont remember details but it was something “dont act like i dont pay you, no one is trying to scam you, if you dont trust us then address it bla bla” bitch.. you dont pay me on time.. and i did address the issue of you breaking into my room, and i just wrote a note for you to pay the fucking bill you owe? like just pay the money and shut the fuck up? but ya know, i had enough of that shit. i responded to her and told her to pay the bill or dont use it, dont text me again or contact me anymore, i dont want to talk to you or deal with your immature bullshit. blocked. i blocked her number and on all social media. i was done. and if you remember my temper, i wanted to go home and rip into her dumbass. but i didnt.

so that was it. that was the last time i spoke to this girl that was once my best friend. but, we had a lease that wouldnt end until may so i had to stay there. and trust me, i tried to get out of my lease. but the story doesn’t end there.so the guy we lived with, i kept on ok terms with for awhile. i said hi when i saw him and he would always ask me how i was, what i was doing, etc (this is important). and you know, i would be friendly bc i didnt really care about this dude. he was just there to pay rent. one day he announced in the kitchen he was going on a run. he left, and then i heard a buzzing. he left his phone unlocked on the table with our other roommate’s (my ex bff) chat open. i glanced and noticed my name in the text and my heart stopped. i know i shouldnt have done what im about to tell you. it was a total invasion of privacy and it really hurt me to read.

i read their entire conversation as far back as the texts would go. the whole way back to august when he first moved in. EVERY SINGLE TEXT BETWEEN THE TWO WAS ABOUT ME. i cannot emphasize this enough. every single message between these two people from september to october was bitching about me, making fun of my past, making fun of me eating fucking chick fil a once per week, calling my boyfriend a nigger, calling me names, watching what i do and texting each other about it, breaking into my room more to check if i packed my bag to stay at my boyfriends, going through my shit, so much fucking shit it was so fucking crazy. i went through the texts fast and put the phone back. i honestly dont know if it was left there on purpose or not. i never talked to the guy roommate again. when he said hi i said nothing and eventually he stopped. after i read those messages i felt so many things.

i was so fucking pissed that they were talking about me like that. my ex best friend was telling my personal stories about the online dating, she even wished i killed myself. and this dude i barely knew was just going along with it and joining in. it was seriously fucking sick. it was full on stalker. both of them watched everything i fucking did. they went through my things and checked shit not even i would think mattered. it was insane. i was pissed and i honestly felt so violated and unsafe. i felt so helpless too. i couldnt tell them to stop. they wouldnt. i couldnt call the police. it was so indirect and was just texts on someones phone. i felt so horrible i didnt sleep for 2 days. 

there was no more confrontation. the indirect harassment continued into may. i moved out and thought it was over but it wasnt. we went to a relatively small school and a friend told me about this girl in her summer class and asked me if i knew her. when she told me the name of this girl my heart dropped again and instantly i said WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THIS. and she was just like oh shit.. i could have sworn i heard her say your name to this guy in our class and she was telling him about reporting you to the police. i seriously felt sick. i retraced in my mind quickly for anything she could be going to the police about me for? i literally hadnt talked to the girl or done a thing to her since october, thats the honest truth. and i was just like about what?? i was so eager for this girl to tell me the details it was killing me. basically she told this long story about how the girl has been coming to class every day and talking about her ex roommate. appartently this ex roommate stole her debit card and credit cards and was stealing thousands of dollars from her. on top of that, this ex roommate also sexually harassed her several times. the ex roommate was supposedly me. 

i almost laughed when my friend told me this shit. i felt so much relief because these were just stories my ex friend/roommate were making up for attention. but after a few days of thinking i was like fuck thats kind of psychotic. like thats borderline crazy to be telling people openly that someone sexually harassed you and stole your money when both of those stories are made up... like dude. i did nothing to you but ask for bill money lmao. 

i ran out of time but ill continue this shit later. if u read this fucking novel, congrats 

[survivorindia]

Creepy random asshole who appears randomly at the beginning and then disappears. - Kendall (Episode 12)

https://youtu.be/cN6UaKTHxUA Ok heres what I want everyone to know. IM THE MOST PARANOID PERSON IN THE FUCKING WORLD. AND I CAN READ PEOPLE VERY WELL. AND I THINK I HAVE GONE MENTALLY INSANE BUT AT THE SAME TIME I FEEL FUCKING AMAZING! If yall think that I am going to go home 9TH! place! NINTH FUCKING PLACE by the hands of the seasons biggest buffoons than yall dont know me very well HUH. Lexi g, kendall and I made an alliance chat today and it sat so good with me. I was like omg yas we finally have someone (Kendall and I) We finally do! ... Then I got the worst feeling in the pit of my stomach and it was just something that did not sit right. I couldnt put my finger on it. I knew robin and alexis were voting me tn, and people have been after me hard core...since...well...before merge and the fact that Im sitting here in single digits is fucking surreal. Im probably going home soon.....SO WOULDNT IT MAKE SENSE FOR SOME ONE TO FLIP!? WOULDNT IT? I MEAN. IF I WAS IN ANYONE ELSES SHOES. I would make sure as FUCK to get me out. This is not cocky but like....im still here after how many fucking attempts? Which is why I think ash and lexi g are voting me out..OR GOING AGAINST me so thats both lexis, robin and ashley But lets look at the facts of why I think theyre going against me No one talks to me all day, except for alex and kendall. Interesting. Lexi G, plays lost puppy like no one cared about her in her alliance. Interesting. Ashley is being short with me. HM. Go on call with Lexi G, feel like abosoLUTE SHIT AND I KNOW SHES LYING TO ME, Lexi mentions ashley on call but backtracks and im like..........................oh my fucking god. !!! THEN HERE COMES THE STORM: I tell kendall ashley is voting me out, they make a chat, i tell kendall to add lexi g, this is secretly a test to see if my suspicions are true AND 5 MINS AFTER THE CHAT IS MADE ASHLEY ASKS ME WHY I THINK IM VOTING HER OUT LOLOLOLOLOLOLO FUCK OFF\ [6:17:53 PM] Sarah: ashley [6:17:57 PM] Sarah: can u just be honest [6:17:58 PM] Sarah: with me [6:17:59 PM] Sarah: like [6:18:01 PM] Sarah: legit [6:18:04 PM] Sarah: idc that ur voting me [6:18:07 PM] Sarah: but like [6:18:12 PM] Ashley Hudson: I am not voting you. [6:18:13 PM] Sarah: ive been NOTHING but straight up [6:18:17 PM] Sarah: like IT WOULD MAKE SENSE [6:18:25 PM] Sarah: I would do it if I were u [6:18:31 PM] Ashley Hudson: it wouldn't make sense I THINK IVE GONE INSANE BUT LIKE I HAVE A GUT FEELING I JUSY KNOW AND I HOPE ITS RIGHT OTHERWISE ASHLEYS GONNA HATE MEEEEE Ashley: you have been like my #1 this whole time why would I throw that away me thinking: YOU LITERALLY GOT "WHO DO U FORGET IS STILL PLAYING THIS GAME" IN TOUCHY SUBJECTS OF FUCKING COURSE YOU WANT TO MAKE A BIG MOVE IDC IF I GO HOME BY ROCKS IDFC BUT LIKE WHY DO THESE BITCHES THINL IM FUCKIJG STUPID IVE BEEN SAYING THIS ALL GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 NOW FOR THE HOME LANDING: Ashley: you have been like my #1 this whole time why would I throw that away you are the one that is aligned with Kendall, and I guess want Lexi G in on that? that's cool. #CONFIRMED LEXI G AND ASHLEY FLIPPED CONFIRMED AHDHDOIFHJSDOI;FKJSDF WHY WOULD ASHLEY KNOW ABOUT THAT OTHER THAN LEXI G FUCK OFF WERE GOING TO ROCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKS! SEE U ON THE OTHERSIDE BITCHES

The detailed account of my evil plan of which I shown to the Samantha that I had purchased-

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FC9bUbYixYpVNdOA6LwrnUhXryI4Bo3tnWLVqB4RgMY/edit

You know, I think I finally get it. I think I finally understand Sarah, Jordan, and even Gavin. Allow me to elaborate. Unless you have been drunk for this entire season, it is well known fact that we were surrounded by Pathological Liars. I'm not saying that to be a judgmental asshat, I came to this conclusion via unbiased observation. Jaiden.... Dom.... Ruben.... What do all these people have in common? If you said they had a dick, yes but that's not the point I'm trying to make. At one point or another someone on my side tried to reach out to them and be all like "Hey let's work together because no one would suspect it," Jaiden/Dom/Ruben would agree and not even five minutes after they make the vow, they would go out of their way to get those three out. Whether they expose them, give them false information, or just talk shit; these guys would always take advantage of the trust they were given and go out of their way to make a messy as fuck tribal. And after everything has gone to shit what do they do? They come crawling back like their battered wives and be like "Hey let's work together". And the same shit keeps happening over and over again. Until they get voted out. I almost fell into that cycle in the case of Robin but luckily my personality, which is one of a vengeful emotionally stunted woman child, prevented it from happening after she revealed me to Gavin. But I think I'm about to fall into it again... though this time with Lexi L. Lexi L. is a fascinating individual, without Gavin around, she appears to be a more rational and calculating kind of player. Given the right tools, I think she could make some sort of impact on the game. Plus her sense of humor is amazing! I really really want to keep her around and not just because I have a death wish or because I am bored. I think she could be a useful tool for my quest for world domination.... well game domination... If I learned anything from ORGs, this one in particular, it's that the truth doesn't really matter. Everyone has already crafted their own stories in their head, one's where they are the super heroes or the super villains, maybe even the damsel in distress. Even if the truth is shown right in their face, people refuse to accept it, instead finding refuge in their earlier perceptions. I think that's why the whole edgic thing is so popular, it falls in line with this kind of thinking. The story I want to "create" is an underdog story. One where the villain is Lexi L and the reluctant hero is myself. Lexi L takes out everyone I am aligned with, everyone who is considered a threat, and then at the final 4 or maybe the final 5, I behead the dragon. I promise I am not doing this to fuel my own ego nor do I have any real delusions of grandeur. I know and accept the fact that I'm not some messiah archetype, hell I'm not even the satan archetype. I'm more like the creepy random asshole who appears randomly at the beginning and then just sort of disappears. The thing is, they don't know that. All I need to do is to make them think the opposite of that fact. Plus if I do that Sarah, Alex and Gavin won't hate me forever! Which would be great because I like all of them very much and don't think I'll be able to handle their hatred. Now that I think about it, they'll probably hate forever after reading this..... Why am I putting this down in the confessionals again? Oh right because I went this entire season without gloating about some evil plan and it's starting to feel very weird. I think I want to work with Lexi L to make this happen. I want us to craft a story in which the hero and villain fight to the death... but I'm probably going to leave that part out if I ever pitch it to her. On paper this sounds like a good idea but only if you didn't read my first couple paragraphs... I have no sure way to control her. What I am I supposed to do rely on her benevolence and friendship? That is a terrible incentive for loyalty, I mean look at right now, I am literally plotting to destroy my own alliance. And the only thing that is supposed to stop me is the power of 'friendship' or 'showmance' or whatever... Clearly this isn't working! All it's doing is making me feel mildly guilty and paranoid. Another thing that's stopping me is the past. If one goes through my previous confessionals from previous games, you'll see they all have one thing in common. Well two things if you count the idol fucking... Every time I tried to flip or make a #bigmood, bad things follow. Don't believe me? Malaysia: Tried to help Mitchell, got voted out by everyone and their mothers. Rebels versus Rogues: Tried to help out Simon, got idol out. Technotits: Tried to help out little AJ, ended up voted out unanimously... again! I may be dumb enough to fall for the same thing three times in a row but not a forth! I mean, I think. Cause I already gave Lexi L. the map we've been using to find the vote negator, places we looked included. For all I know, she already showed it to Gavin, Alex, Ashley, and Liam. I'm not as concerned with Sarah cause I already told her but I'm not sure if one vote will make much of a difference. I don't want Lexi L. to be my Jaiden or Dom or Ruben, all that will really do is hinder me. But I want to do this plan so badly! If it seems like I wasted your time with a pointless subplot, chances are I have and I am almost sorry. I swear it's like nobody can make a decision on their own! Like it takes ten billion years for anything to get done! LIKE UGGGHHHHHHHHHH Also I think we found out what the opal idol does. And it's from Hellwaii so we hate it based on instinct.  Also now Sarah actually wants to vote out Gavin and I don't know how I feel about that...  I mean I can save her probably but should I? Because I don't think it's in my best interest to cheat a group of people who have my back over a group of complete strangers who don't.  On the other hand if I just be a good little puppy and tattle on her and save everyone, would it make a difference? I'll just be following the same path I have been trying to escape...  I know I know this is almost exactly what I asked for but I need the option to go back if things get to heavy. I adore Sarah but I shouldn't drop everything just because she asks me too.... The Gavin's plan was to have 4 vote for Lexi and 3 vote for Robin. Sarah is one of the Lexi votes so if I could convince her to flip and make it a  three three three vote (Lexi, Robin, Gavin) then we can flip with other Lexi and nobody will know it was us... Oh wait now it turns out that they want her out. Again, what did she do to piss these people off? I should probably stop editing in real time and actually submit this damn thing 

Well everything has gone to hell. I'm pretty sure Sarah has gone insane, she keeps saying that Ashley and Lexi G. are trying to get her out but refuses to explain why. She said it was a gut feeling and I guess, despite how psychotic she may sound, she could be right. Ashley isn't exactly close with any of us and was pretty crestfallen that she was picked out as most forgettable in touchy subjects. So her flipping would make sense. Lexi G is... well she has been going on and on with the woe is me crap and I almost bought into it. Fuck I actually did buy into it for like the past week and a half. There is just something off about her... like even someone like me could sense it. Right after Sarah told Lexi G that she was flipping the vote to Robin, the news started to get upset in the main chat. And honestly, I don't begrudge them for it. I mean, it seems like every time something would go their way something else would go in and stop them. They swap fuck Sarah and Ashley, we send them idols, Jaiden finds an idol, the hosts blurt it out in the VL, They finally get someone to flip to their side, SARAH GOES APE SHIT INSANE. If stuff like this happened to me on a day to day basis I would probably have a similar reaction. Hell I did have a similar reaction in Malaysia, though I was more mopey and passive aggressive. Also some chick named Julia (I think it's the magical one but I'm not really sure?) might be harassing Lexi L. And the hosts are allegedly talking shit about the contestants, the newbies in particular, and that's kind of messed up. Lexi L seems to be on the verge of quitting or she is just playing it up for our pity, at this point I really don't know. Like I want to empathize with her and the other contestants but I don't honestly know whether or not I should. Like sometimes it seems like there is layer after layer beneath them and every time I think I find a genuine emotion of some kind it turns out to be a lie. Like this shit happened all the time in High School, I don't exactly want to relive it in here. I know this differs from my usual calculating yet spacey confessionals about conspiracy theories or how weak I am but this is supposed to be fun, not just for me and my allies but for everyone around us. We should be enjoying coming up with strategies and trying to fight each other. We should be talking and having fun but we aren't... everyone seems to genuinely hate each other. And any reach across the aisle is seen as some sort of threat. I liked being friends with Robin, I liked talking to Lexi L about the 100 and other things, fuck I even liked talking to Jaiden and his day to day life. I didn't want to betray them or be mean to them, even when I talked shit in confessionals I mostly did it for my own amusement. Yeah things are going well but I can't help but feel like this is undeserved. Like power came at the cost of everyone else's enjoyment. It's like the final battle with Master Hand in Super Smash Bros Brawl. You go through all these stages against the master hand, from beginning stages to the end but then... he just turns into an orb. He doesn't fight back, he doesn't do anything he just lies there waiting to be defeated. If this is all just an elaborate ploy to get us to lower our guards then seriously fuck you. I hate it when my emotions over power my brain and if you guys did it on purpose that is a new fucking low. It's not smart it's not clever it's just unnecessary cruelty and I hate you for it. But if it's the truth... then I'm sorry.

Well Sarah decided to play her Ruby Idol... I am probably fucked... Well if I go home know that I am not going to stop spamming the confessional because fuck you that's why.

Well Sarah decided to play her Ruby Idol... I am probably fucked... Well if I go home know that I am not going to stop spamming the confessional because fuck you that's why. Well, Haven't made on of these in a while. Oops. So the game is going okay, Sarah and I are working together pretty closely. Though she usually lives up to her villain title so I will forever be on guard with her. Gavin and I are still okay I guess, I think he might be getting closer to the other "side" or he just is getting closer to Alex, who knows. Pretty much our group is me, Sarah, Gavin, and Alex, from what I can see right now. We haven't talked much in that chat because we are still working with the bigger group but as number dwindle I can see us talking much more in our alliance chat. I am not too salty about Jordan leaving (A while ago, I know) but I do miss his strategic ways. We just did touchy subjects, and I didn't receive the answers that I usually get, which is cool because I am trying to play this game a bit different than I usually do. In fact, I got the "who do you forget is playing?" Majority vote. Yeah, that would be because I am doing shit behind y'all's back, duh. I think by the end of this game, my stance as a "hero" will not quite be true anymore and I am excited. Should be interesting.

Alright, so I found the negator that my whole alliance has been looking for. But tbh I ain't going to tell them because it could come in handy for my game later. I don't want the game to end up being just my alliance and have my ass end up on the bottom unable to do anything so hopefully to shake things up later I can keep that I have the negator under wraps. Maybe they will "forget" I am even a person that could have it. ;)