#couldnt even stay with him bc he couldnt bear to see him like that he knew he didnt want this godd my heart

[al-luviec]

still haven't moved on from zane in this episode (aka I hit tag limit again and am unhappy about it)

[thatsgonnaleaveamark]

i am unwellll god this show is killing me

[coriphallus]

A little rant on patch 6 and the implications for bg3's future

Okay, bear with me for a sec its gonna go somewhere eventually. My first bg3 run (thats spammed here on this blog) i played ascended astarion/dark urge romance where i picked the reject bhaal and become the absolute ending.

as it was my first playthrough on release i was vibrating off mt seat and i didnt really have elaborate HCs or anything, i was just doing a quick evil run until the bugs get sorted out. i didn't think much beyond "yes this dude would want the shiny stones for himself"

first time i saw astarion enthralled, i was confused. he asked me to do it, he was quite insistent on it since the beginning of the game. i was confused for a couple of hours, digesting the entire game i just played. Then it hit me; the game was calling me out. it was telling me ive been stupid for not having seen this coming and at that point i felt awe.

it was right, everything pointed to this, it was right in front of my eyes all i needed was to connect the dots that the game laid out quite visibly and i was just too caught up to see.

'well my durge would never do that' didnt matter because thats exactly what the companions thought. Gale thought the powers of an insatiable weave wouldnt corrupt him, that he'd stay true to himself, shadowheart thought shar had blessed and her she'd guide her, that she could be her true self under her influence, astarion thought he'd be free, that he'd cherish the bond he'd made with the player but at the end of the day power reveals; and when that power is acquired through the corpses of thousands its quite evident that Absolute power corrupts absolutely. IT WAS IN THE FKIN NAME.

it was a shining bait i was so focused on getting my hands on that i didn't look back to see the mountain of corpses i had to step on to get there. the game was telling me 'HEY LOOK AT EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE TO GET HERE, LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL THE OTHERS WHO THOUGHT THEY COULD ACHIEVE THIS, DO YOU THINK YOU'D HOLD HANDS AND SING KUMBAYA WITH YOUR FRIENDS AFTER ALL THIS?'

just as there was never an option where frodo could stab saurons flaming eyeball and sit on his throne with the ring on his finger and sam at his side, there was never an ending i could get my 'happy ending' the way id like it to. i wanted frodo to remain in middle earth and have some peace in the end, i didnt understand how he was 'too changed' to remain and sam wasnt when i first read the books. i was angry even, that i didnt get what i wanted. it wasnt like tolkien haphazardly put together an ending out of his ass bcs he didnt know what to do with the characters, its not that he didn't think while writing that the fans would hate it, he wrote a story that achieved its catharsis by reaching its narrative conclusion. it couldnt have done that any other way. it was deliberate. i may not have understood or agreed at the time but it was the story he wanted to tell, and it wouldnt be one of the greatest stories ever told if the writer wanted to please a 10 y/o like myself.

it was never out of character for my durge at all, i was just blissfully avoiding the NARRATIVE.

months later we get this absolute narrative abomination:

and all i can say is im worried.

im worried bcs this is a clear disrespect to the story they've written, im worried bcs if they can do off with huge plot elements and beats such as this just like that it shows a lack of commitment to their own plot and if a huge Point of the game can be treated like a minor mistake than what else can? was is just a lack of oversight that laezel gets killed under vlaakith? can it be waved off if enough vlaakith loving gith players come together and shout loud enough that they want to ride alongside their queen with their gith gf?

what part of the game is tangible to hold on to, and after two years worth of patches that are made to appease the fans at the expense of the story, will it still be the game i fell in love with?

i dont blame the fans for wanting, i blame the devs for delivering. that they could sacrifice the integrity of a pretty straightforward story bodes ill tidings for the future of this game.

yes i wanted this feature, but i was glad i wasn't given it. i may have been confused and slightly miffed that i didn't get to reign supreme with my evil bf, but i immensely respected the game that could call me out on it. i wish they could show the same respect to their own writing.

[blueiight]

This isnt even substantitive commentary 85% of this is just quoting what was written bc i need people to know this is out here.

new fent (nat reufriede)

He wasn’t surprised when she refused to answer the question this time, too. “I still don’t understand why Mein Kaiser ” — her voice was a perfect mockery of Reuenthal’s usual tone— “feels the need to uproot the whole government.” She tilted her glass, letting her drink catch the light. “If he’s looking for legitimacy, he should stay on Odin.”

“What legitimacy?” Reuenthal snapped. “What more legitimacy does he need, than what he has?”

“You’re a very stupid man, Oskar,” she said.

“Oh?”

“ Your Kaiser has the legitimacy of holding a gun to the rest of the universe’s head,” she said. “Fine. There’s no point in pretending like he doesn’t, and you claim that’s the only legitimacy you respect, anyway. But you seem to have deluded yourself into acting like He is going to live forever, and that his children won’t need to borrow some legitimacy of their own. Odin is a place used to having dynasties— I wonder if he’s about to discover that Phezzan isn’t.” COOK THAT BLONDE BRAT SHAWTY

The premise of this story being reuenthal with a beard is just tickling my feathers. The imagery of reinhard preserving the iconography of the old dynasty & reuenthal picking a beard (a symbol of agedness, of manliness) and struggling to grow it out, the beard even softening his features is soooo symbolic.

YOULL KILL YOURSELF WITHOUT MY HELP! All i need to do is see it im deaaad

She seemed almost unfamiliar with the weapon, hefting it and turning it over, though she had enough sense to keep her finger away from the safety and the trigger. Had she never fired a gun before? He was momentarily entranced by the way it dwarfed her hands. … She held up his wallet, and he realized that, at some point between the front desk and the room, she had managed to pick it out of his pocket— likely when he was distracted by her trying to undo his belt in the elevator. She went through it, pulling out the cash, then tossed it on the bed.

i am not immune to elfriede. elfriede wanting to gamble v reuenthal not liking that he cant conquer a gamble.. wowthe fact that elfriede is in a big gamble of her own tangled w fezzan + all those shady ass factors still . she loved to gamble indeed

The intent was for him to blow across her fingers and the dice, a rather feminine thing to do, but instead he took her wrist roughly and kissed her knuckles. “Oskar!”

What do i even say man.

this is the first time ive read nat’s freak shit wiaw i read up to so far be fading to black omg this really did hit like fent.

His experience with wives as a species was limited: his mother, Mittermeyer’s wife. Elfriede resembled neither. The person she most often reminded him of was Him , with the wild mane of golden hair, and the piercing, hateful look in their eyes. He didn’t think about that now.

Getting to proxy-fuck ur emperor man crush lord & master…

“A wife is meant to obey.”

“A soldier is meant to obey,” she said. “A wife—”

Even with her movement limited with his weight bearing on her shoulders, she could reach between them and grab his [word i cant say lest tumblr censor me oncecmore] She wrapped her legs around him and tried to pull him down towards her.

“A wife has her husband’s child,” she said. “Is that what you want me to say?”

[passages I cant say lest tumblr censor me once more] She reached up to touch his face, and the feeling of her hand moving through the bristles of his newly-grown beard made him feel ill. It was all wrong— the simulacrum of normality that they couldn’t even play at well.

“Yes,” he said. “That’s what I want.” Or it was what some other man wanted— someone Reuenthal should have been, but wasn’t.

THE SIMULACRUM OF NORMALITY THEY COULDNT EVEN PLAY AT WELL.

She mumbled something half-incoherent, and wholly impossible. “A real family—”

“Better than the one you had before,” Reuenthal said in reply, which managed to get a reaction out of her of some sort, clawing her hands down her back.

“Everybody wants that,” she mumbled.

And nobody gets it , he thought. “You want me to take care of it,” he said. He pressed his hand to her lower abdomen, leaning on it hard.

“Yes,” she said, her voice coming out strangely.

“Then when it’s born, I’ll have to aim higher— for its sake—” He punctuated his sentence with his movement, the white heat growing between them. He moved faster, seeking out the climax. There was only so long he could play this charade before the disgust became too overwhelming.

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO . Ohmygod. bro. nat. u have rocked my world once more.

AND WHAT SHE SAID RIGHT AFTER. HE’LL HAVE YOUR EYES. TRYNA STRANGLE HER. HER PUTTING THE GUN IN HIS MOUTH and that being what made him cum

Dont even have words.

THEN HE GOES TO REINHARD RIGHT AFTER????!!! Over the cold body of reinrein’s exwife dead husband😭😭😭. THE ROYAL WE!! rein realizing what reue came for on some level… we r two halves of the same battle hungry depraved ravenous thing

Reinhard turned towards Reuenthal at last, looked him over as if he was seeing him for the first time, and reached out his hand towards Reuenthal’s face. He didn’t touch him, but his hand hovered just close enough to his cheek that he could feel the warmth of it, the staticky charge of an almost imperceptible distance. “You shaved that awful beard you were growing.”

“I had wondered if a change would suit me, considering our move to Phezzan. It didn’t.”

“No,” Reinhard said. He dropped his hand and looked back towards the grave. “Change doesn’t suit Us, either.”

“Oh?”

“We’ll be buried here,” Reinhard said.

[saltedcoffeee]

Oh I have the same dead relative headcanon: an older sister who shared a lot of the same neurodivergent traits as him. Both siblings were struggling under the pressure to “uphold the family image”, and while trying to take on most of that weight she buckled and had a mental break. Her exile to an unknown institution, the erasure of her existence from the household, and later death in isolation was used by the parents as an example to Alador of the consequences of failure. Inserting your idea, when she dies the palisman is sent back home and Alador keeps it as the last thing he has left of his sister. Now cry.

YOU 🤝 ME

HCİNG AN OLDER SİSTER BLİGHT

you r SO REAL FOR THİS ANON. the fact i had the exact same idea is sending me to the stratosphere did u telepathically connect w me via that post i wonder,,,,

so,,,yea. tbh i hc that she was in the emperor's coven n initially he wanted to join her too but when she left/died he sort of gave up on it bc he just. couldnt find a reason to do it anymore and got him even worse backlash from his parents (if they were alive at the time LMFAO). building up on that i actually hc he never graduated from hexside n left a year early or something bc 1. he couldnt focus on classes anymore 2. his parents/odalia's family pushed him into work early bc that was 'the only thing he was good at'. so 👍

ANOTHER HC (idc we r DOİNG THİS) is that said sister was a recurring winner of the brawl we see in reaching out n when one day she suddenly decided to not join (either bc of stress/her parents' negative view on it) alador was like we gotta keep the blight name 🔛🔝. n went on to uphold her legacy. she thought it was the funniest thing ever n shes the one who took the pic !!!!

n finally since this did start w the palisman yea as we know the emperor's coven keeps its members pretty secluded so she carved a palisman before joining it saying she needed her brother w her for emotional support ! their parents probably dont know abt it bc theyd find it stupid n it made alador embarrassed to incredible heights he couldnt even bear to look at the thing.

then one day the stupid rat randomly came to him n stayed, n he doesnt talk abt it all that much. ppl dont question it bc it looks just like him n they assume its a funny palisman thing n who he is he to disprove them?

[tendouluvr]

aizawa calling you clingy - gn reader

- [attempt at] angst to fluff

- warnings: being called clingy, aizawa gets annoyed with reader and berates them, one use of the word ‘shit’

- wc: 1.9k

a/n: this wasnt......as sad as i wanted... i cant tell if im just not so good at writing angst or immune to it T_T

once again, not edited!

#! aizawa!!!! eee

#! hes a levelheaded man so arguments are rare

#! u both trust one another so theres no reason to have doubts in ur relationship

#! being his s/o, he tells u things thats not so easy to tell others over time, and you’re patient enough to let him take however much time he needs to let u in

#! however, years of keeping to himself most of the time doesnt just disappear even if you’re his s/o

#! so aizawa does have this tendency to close off and distance himself from u bc of his stress and insecurities

walking through the spacious halls of ua, you were headed towards your lovely boyfriend. aizawas been pretty busy lately with teaching his class, making sure no one is being left behind progress wise, doing his job as a pro-hero, and then spending his free time training with shinsou.

you knew showing up at school unexpectedly was something aizawa found irky, that’s why you made sure to tell him the night before that you would be coming during lunch time to bring him some yummy homemade food.

humming softly to yourself, you finally reached the door opening to class 1-A and walked in. the classroom was empty, but there at the front was no one other than mr. aizawa shouta. you quickly greeted him with a smile and he turned to look at you.

“what are you doing here?” he slowly asked with a look of confusion.

“i brought you some food! did you eat yet? i hope not, i made-,” you quickly stopped talking once you noticed the look he was giving you.

“why are you here? i already told you, you shouldnt be showing up without letting me know first. our relationship is quiet, if the students see they’ll get noisy and ask questions, i’ll get bombarded by my colleagues, and it’ll put you in danger if words get out. did anyone see you coming here? can you listen to me for once instead of continuing to always be near me? you’re so damn clingy and need to start thinking about the consequences your action will bring. i already ate, just go home before anything happens.”

your jaw dropped a little after hearing what he just said to you. did he not remember what you told him last night?

worst of all, you couldnt believe he just called you clingy. you just wanted to do something nice for him by making his favorite food hoping that it’ll relieve some of the stress thats been building up, but he just thought of you as clingy.

fine, if clingy is what you are then you’ll stop bothering him. you quickly whispered an apology, not sure if he could hear or not, and began making your way back home as fast as possible. the food you made for him was still tightly grasped in your hand.

due to the new dormitories, aizawa stays at ua majority of the time. he comes home to your shared apartment whenever he can to spend time with you. unfortunately, those time aren’t usually much because as soon as he’s free, he’s quick to do something else.

once you’ve made it home, you packed the food away and put it in the fridge. you felt your phone buzzing repeatedly, already guessing who it could possibly be, you took it out to see it was your boyfriend.

shou <3: im sorry

shou <3: honey, im so sorry. pls text me back when u can

shou <3: i know what i said hurted u, but i promise u i dont mean it. pls just call me or text me so we can talk about this

shou <3: i have to go back now. but i love u. so much.

staring at your screen, you contemplated texting him back.

letting out a sigh, you decided not to.

putting your phone to the side, you walked to the bedroom and changed out of your clothes into the comfy pjs you were wearing right before you left.

seeing that there was nothing for you to do other than wallow in your insecurities and let out a few tears, you got into bed and made yourself comfortable for an afternoon nap.

aizawa on the other hand was at school and distracted. his own words kept replaying over and over in his head and all he wants to do is smack himself a few times (after comforting u ofc).

his students could tell he was in a badder mood than usual so they collectively agreed to not worsen it (one particular student does not care. can u guess?). aizawa just wanted the day to pass so he can apologize to you directly and make it up with some cuddling.

despite being distracted with planning his apology and thinking about you, he was still teaching as he should and constantly telling his students to be quiet because he’s intimidating like that.

a few hours passed, the students are back in their dorms and some of the teachers are still in school finishing up some work. the hallways were empty and silent, and the weather outside was nice and calm - not too sunny with just the right amount of wind.

however, if you were to peek your head inside of class 1-A at the moment, the environment is an exact 180. aizawa is quickly trying to grade the remaining stack of papers he has on his desk so he can leave as soon as he can. there’s papers everywhere, he’s not so sure where the answer key went off to but to hell with the answer key. he just needs to go home.

his hair is messily tied up and his lips have probably been gnawed off by now. as soon as school ended, he got out his phone to see if you replied and sadly you didn’t. he doesn’t blame you though, considering all of the shit he said to you earlier. 

finally writing down the fat score in red pen onto the final paper, he gathers everything and put to the side of his desk and packed up his stuff. his stuff being his yellow sleeping bag and that’s it.

he went to his room first to clean himself up a bit, and then grabbed a taxi to go to your shared apartment. arriving at the front door, he takes out his copy of the key and entered.

first thing he noticed while entering and taking off his shoes was that the apartment was dark and quiet. he made his way to the kitchen first and turned on its lights to check the fridge. in the fridge laid the food you made for him earlier today. he took it out to start heating it up in the microwave then he walks away from the food and to your bedroom.

quietly opening the door, he poked his head in to see you laying on your side with your back facing the door. he assumed you were asleep and gently closed the door to not wake you up. he made his way over to the bed and sat on the edge of it. 

you, feeling the bed dip, slowly opened your eyes to be greeted with the sight of your boyfriend gingerly brushing his fingertips across your cheekbones. he notices that you’re awake and looks up to meet your eyes.

making eye contact with him, you quietly grunted and brought the blanket up to cover your face while turning your entire body to the other side to ignore him. aizawa sighed and brought his hand down to rest on your waist as he begins talking.

“yn... i know you’re.. mad at me for the things i said to you earlier, but i’m truly sorry. i know saying i didn’t mean it isn’t good enough for you to forgive me, but i want you to know i’m really really sorry. i’ve been so busy for the past few days, my head is all over the place, seeing you at school just got me overthinking and worried that i ended up saying things about you that’s not true at all. i love you so much, hun. you’re the best thing to happen to me. you don’t have to forgive me now, i understand if you want some space.”

it was silent for some time after he finished his apology. the echoing silence was slowly making aizawa worried that you’ll leave him, but he won’t tell you that. thinking that you wanted space, he lifted his shaky hand off of your waist and moved to get off of the bed when you suddenly grabbed onto his hand to keep him there.

“i...i told you the day before that i was going to be visiting you during lunch time. did you not remember? or even hear me tell you?”

aizawa situated himself back down onto the bed before replying. “if i’m being honest, i don’t really remember much of that day at all. my brain was occupied with work and rest, so i was practically drained by the end of the night. i’m sorry i took it out on you, it’s my fault for overworking when i know you’ve been trying to help.”

letting out a soft sigh, you turned your body back towards him. still holding onto his hand, you carefully slotted your fingers in between his and pulled him down to lay with you. he immediately found comfort in this and placed his head into your neck. you could feel his facial hair against your skin making you let out a quiet giggle.

“i love you. i know you have a habit to overwork since that’s all you did before we dated, but please shou, take care of yourself. im not talking physically, cuz you’re already so damn fine, but mentally. i hate seeing you bury yourself in work and training that it even makes me tired just watching you.”

he grumbled something against your neck - his usual reaction to you complimenting him - and held onto you tighter while putting light kisses on your collarbone.

“i know. i will. please bear with me, i know i’m a pain but i’ll always try to be my best for you. i’m never letting you go, love you too much for that.”

“hmm? who said i’m going? you’re stuck with me forever just so you know,” you laughed and patted his head before rising from the bed.

“i heard you heating up the food earlier. get up and come eat,” you tugged aizawa to get him off the bed.

he grumbled once again because he was being forced to leave the warm comfort of your shared bed, but followed you out anyway holding onto your hand.

“wait. you heard me entering? so you were pretending to sleep when i got here?! not funny, babe. not funny. -also don’t take sleep for granted. i did and look where that got me. stop laughing!”

bonus:

it was the next day and aizawa just finished passing out the grades he rushed grading yesterday. even though it was rushed, he was confident that there wasn’t any mistakes-

“aizawa sensei, you marked this question wrong when it’s right. this one too. and this other one on the last page. are you trying to fail me?!” denki dramatically wailed as he showed aizawa his papers.

guess he did make mistakes after all.

[nikrangdan]

babysitter!jungwon

pairing: babysitter!jungwon x reader

genre: fluff

description: your mom hired a babysitter for your little sister since you were out with friends often and she worked most of the week... but once you meet the babysitter you have second thoughts about going out with your friends

———

“the babysitter is almost here y/n! greet him before you leave!” your mom yelled at you while she put on her shoes to go run some errands

“but mommmm!” you whined

“i have to leave now! my friends have been waiting for like 20 minutes!” you frustratedly said back

you had planned to go bowling with your friends after school BUT your mom said you had to let in the babysitter first

obviously you were annoyed like the teenager you are

your 6 year old sister wooyeon was sat on the couch watching some cartoon on the tv

“im leaving sweetie, you better stay put before he gets here or youre grounded.” she didnt even let you respond before she was out the door in a flash

you huffed and sat next to wooyeon

“is my babysitter here yet?” she looked up at with you big eyes

“i dont even know when hes getting here” you pouted and began to text your friends to let them know you were gonna be late

y/n: gona be late guys🙄 mom made me wait for the babysitter so i cant leave until hes here

riki: we dont care

y/n: stfu asshole

jinah: awww man can we start without u 😓

sunoo: LMAO JINAH

sunoo: jinah is so funny bc we already started without u y/n

y/n: I HATE U ALL SO MUCH

jinah: BYE

riki: y/n can u bring gummy bears plz

y/n: fine

y/n: ill be there in like 40 mins idk when this guy is getting here

y/n: hello

y/n: where did u guys go

y/n: you all burn in hell

you laughed and rolled your eyes at your stupid friends

god it feels like its been FOREVER when is this guy getting here

idk what happened but it seems like god answered your prayers

*knock knock knock*

FINALLYYY

you jumped up and ran to the door while wooyeon curiously peered over the couch

swinging the door open you were about to start spewing stuff like “so theres wooyeon and theres a note of all the stuff you need to know so ive gotta go now bye”

BUT..............

lord have mercy

what did you do in your past life to deserve such a beautiful human being arrive at your doorstep

“oh um hi... are you wooyeons babysitter?” you shyly asked

YOU COULD BARELY LOOK HIM IN THE EYE

“ah yes, im jungwon! nice to meet you” he smiled

HIS DIMPLES OH MY GOD

wooyeon popped up next to you

“hi! im wooyeon, are you my babysitter? you’re cute, i like your face!”

i

“oh my god im so sorry” you embarrassingly put your hands on wooyeons shoulders and tried to lead her back to the couch

jungwon laughed “its fine haha” he followed in after you and shut the door behind him

wooyeon sat back on the couch, waiting for you to leave so she could talk to jungwon herself

“so um.. i’ve got go now. theres notes on the counter by the way. how long are you gonna be babysitting wooyeon?” you were standing next to the front door now as he was facing you from next to the couch

“oh your mom hired me on the weekdays for the rest of this month. from 4 to 8” he said

“wow thats a long time.. well thank you by the way, ill see you later i guess”

he grinned and waved bye to you with wooyeon

and then you just walked out of the door

but you really really didnt want to

your mom did not tell you she hired the Cutest Babysitter Ever wtf!!!!!

when you finally got to the bowling alley you wouldnt shut up about jungwon so they just started to ignore you

you were out with them until 7 so now you were on the way home

and hopefully your mom didnt come back early so jungwon could still be there

AND HE WAS <33

your keys rattle in the lock and you open the door almost excitedly

you peeked your head through the door to see jungwon and wooyeon at the kitchen counter making what seemed to be cookies

“hey you two” you grinned at them

“hi y/n! how are you? sorry i couldnt open the door for you, im kind of occupied here” jungwon giggled and you saw his hands covered in greasy cookie dough

“y/n we’re making cookies!” wooyeon exclaimed

“i can see that, they smell yummy” you started to walk over to them

“im doing great” you smiled at him AGAIN.. “oh and its okay, i can see you’re very busy being a baker here” you laughed

you and jungwon would just make small talk here and there while wooyeon was in her own world playing with the cookie dough

he was so nice it made your heart hurt

it turned 8pm quicker than you thought sadly

“jungwonie!” your sister fake cried “i dont want you to go”

she was literally stuck on his leg refusing to let him go

“ahh wooyeon dont worry! go to sleep now and ill be back tomorrow!” he bent down to pat her head

“wooyeon.. if you dont go to your bed now then jungwon wont come back tomorrow!” you tried to scare her

it definitely worked because there was sheer horror on her face and she ran towards her bedroom

you and jungwon laughed at the sight

he had his stuff gathered in his hand and stopped at the door

“wooyeon is really sweet, im glad shes not a scary child like the other ones ive babysat”

“really?” you gasped “shes a demon to me”

he chuckled at that

his laugh is so cute Omg

“well ill get going now..” he opened the door

“okay.. bye! thank you jungwon, ill see you tomorrow” he gave you a small wave before walking out the door to his car

you dreamily sighed

would it be so bad if you ditched your friends from now on to stay with jungwon and wooyeon

but if you just stayed home with them wouldnt that eliminate the need for a babysitter

its a lose-lose situation 😞

maybe you would go out with them but then come back really early so you could spend more time with him

yes thats it!

[gayspock]

ok finished ep 1 :3c randdommm thoughts

firstlyyyy !! hmmm, as an ep? unsure how to feel about this one! in terms of like- progression? does that make sense. idk how to say it... bc it kinda pulls the rug out a few times to the point where im like hmmm idk; i feel like this coulda been done different. does that... make sense? usually i like that abt farscape but here, part of me feels like it was just a "well we're back several steps, and not in a good way that instills frustration, or that was properly exploratory, but just in a this was sort of filling out screentime sort of way" but eh. shrug. it still had a lota lot of good in it:3

ALSO i kind of wanted aeryn to be separated for a good while in terms of what that could do for, like, the story. i think it'd be interesting - because right now, hm.. idk. i feel like crais by himself, with talyn? well im just not so sure!! and again im talking, like, strictly speculatively and in terms of story. so, IM ABSOLUTELY GIVING IT A CHANCE, BTW! especially bc i think farscape does often prove me wrong. however i am GOING 2 speak my truth hereeee [looks shy] ...

i donttt... realllyy... ehrrm.. care for crais and what theyve done with him so far. its not that i dont LIKE him. but he really isnt anything interesting at all to me. shrug. its giving nothing- sorry... its why im kinda glad to see scorpius- bc i was glad to find out crais wouldnt stay "the big bad" because, yeah, it really wasnt working for me. he's nothing interesting, or innovative in terms of a character . sorrryyyyyyy.

and i feel like, by himself, i dont know. like i said- that's speculaitve - but i do sort of... question whether him, being off by himself, is going to be that interesting, because of that. at least, versus him having aeryn there to bounce off of, and inherently kinda tying them back more to the main crew, etc... does that make sense? bc i feel like- yknow, s1, he'd just disappear for long periods of time, and i'd almost forget he was even. a thing. LOL. and his dynamic was also... usually with his subordinates. and idk. they are kind of just npc-types, for lack of a better term. substanceless background guys. i think therefore, whilst you can demonstrate character like that, its never... of the same calibre as when you're actually in scenes with other characters of you know. substance. (and thats not a RULE, ofc, but its something hard to pull off otherwise esp when- well yeah, crais really doesnt feel like anything to me). and that was fine for s1, i think it worked better then, but from now on ehhh idk!!!

ANYWAYS SPEAKING OF

I LOVEEE TALNY I LOVE TALYN THATS ALSO WHY IM CONCERNED BC I JSUT WANT TO SEE MORE OF TALYN .... SORRRYYYY the problem with farscape thus far is theres so many little guys RIGHT up my alley and im bouncing up and down and criyng bC I LVOEEEEE ... WE BETTER GET MORE FREAKING TALYN. SO HELP ME GOD...

also i havent talked abt her much either. i like chiana. BUT i feeel bad bc i wanna LURV her but i think its like... THUS far its kinda obvious they didnt intend to keep her at first. so i really want to see more involvement with her going forward. i dont MIND so much that we havent had a lot of focus on her, so far, even if its like... WELL, i think in general, it was just an odd time to introduce her even if they couldnt rlly help it. like, it was right before all the finale eps and stuff, yknow, so we couldnt have an ep where we get a lot of her!!! but even still, like...

i always said sth i LIKED abt the show was the way they were pretty slow and organically introduced us. so i cant complain that much. :3

IALSO LOVEEE LOVE LOVE THE LACK OF RESET BUTTON ON... EVERYTHING, FRANKLY. IDK IF I SAID THAT YET. but like i love how it HAS been episodic, but things in each episode always actually do have bearings on the show as a whole. even if its just development stuff. like its so refreshing after a lot of trek, and other scifi shows of this ilk - wherein the eps so self-contained...

even in a human reaction. i diddnttt say it at the time BUT yeah im still unsure how i feel abt that one but i really appreciate that even though it was a simulation, they did mitigate the usual failings of that trope- they had the crew in there, and real, so they could actually experience things and it wasnt just crichton going through the ringer. and ofc the other consequence of that ep lol

ALSO speaking of. im kinda glad to see more development with crichton, too, and with all of them but him esp.... babycakes was fucking FRANTIC in this episode, man, holy SHIT.

i liked all of their reactions honestly. help......

idk i feel like iahadosmething else to say oh god what was it

ehrm

yeah d'argo and crichton being WARRIORS together. increasingly obsessed. their rock paper scissors.... oh im obsessseddd

also hate this

OH GOD TUMBLR LOOPS IT FUCKING HELL

[gh0stwriting]

Hear me out, the slashers (michael,, Brahms, and whoever you want) reaction to a very touchy s/o? And not like in a sexual way(but lets be honest some booty grabs do happen), but more of the s/o just always touching them in someway, feet in their lap, sitting close, leaning against them, that sort if thing. Please and thank you! (I love your writing 😍😍)

(i literally picked the last 2 by whose ass id want to grab most and couldnt decide. also tysm!! 🥺)

BRAHMS

he never really noticed you being touchy because hes very much the same, if youre watching a movie he’d either pull you into his chest or lay with his head in your lap. he doesnt see it as anything outside of his definition of normal and he likes that youre as affectionate as he is.

if you grabbed or smacked his ass he’d giggle and 100% do it back unless you told him not to. but would most likely turn it into a game where youd try to grab each others ass without being caught, hes in the lead by a lot tho.

also yall are the crown royalty of just hugging for like 20 mins and not talking or trying to do anything else, just standing in the middle of a room and holding each other until you get tired of standing and do the same thing but on the couch

if youre ever doing something for work or are just generally busy expect brahms to slide in behind you on your chair and just fall asleep leaning on you. also he’ll do anything he can to sit behind you without you having to move out of the way because he doesnt want to interrupt what youre doing but most of the time he almost falls trying to, hes determined tho.

and if hes busy (which lets be real he rarely is unless it involves you) then you’ll be the one obnoxiously leaning on him but he loves it and giggles every time you try to move to get his attention back to you, youre just a sucker for him as he is for you.

MICHAEL MYERS

the first time you put your legs in his lap or cuddled extra close, he thought it was weird and rather annoying, but quickly realized this is your personal version of love. as close to your lover as possible.

it makes him feel wanted in a way he hasnt felt since he was a kid and originally its conflicting to him. why would anyone want him? but of course no matter what he does you dont leave and your affection grows more prevalent every day, starting with small things and eventually climbing onto whatever you have to so you can sneak him a kiss, even if it means falling.

he soon finds it really adorable that you could feel so strongly for someone, especially when you know so little about him. he would try to initiate the same affection but he fears hurting you, after all hes built like a fridge and could easily kill you.

though that doesnt mean he doesnt try to initiate affetion, because he does, but only when hes in a really good mood. like when you were watching black and white horror movies and he grabbed you a little too roughly and pulled you into his lap, wrapping his arms around your waist and just staying there until you had to get up.

though some things you do seem to make him very uncomfortable you try to catch onto what it was and tone it down so as to make him as comfortable as possible, he generally does seem to be partial to affection, but mostly on his terms. hes like an old angry cat.

BUBBA SAWYER

so sometimes when youre just meandering around the house with nothing to do youll just run up to him and hug him really tightly on impulse, which would initially startle him and then he’d coo quietly and hug you back, baby boy just likes being loved and youre more than happy to give him all the love he deserves.

another of his favorite things you do is when you walk into his workshop, announce your prescence as to not startle him and then just either watch him work with your hands on his shoulders and your chin resting on his head or to cover the top of his head and back of his neck with kisses until he starts giggling and then puts down his work to spend time with you. you may be petty, but it works.

Drayton HATES how lazy you two get sometimes, but its not so much you being lazy as it is just you basking in each others presence and enjoying the comfort that things like cuddling bring.

also if you do grab his ass randomly he’ll squeal like a pig from shock and its honestly really funny bc after he covers his face bc of how hard hes blushing, though you wouldnt have been able to tell otherwise

Bubba is so affection starved that hed spend the rest of his life just cuddling you and hes fine with that, he just thinks youre warm and small like a teddy bear (but lets be real almost everyones short to him bc hes like 6’5 and thiccc)

BILLY LOOMIS AND STU MACHER

Ok so, Stu is very affectionate and loves giving and receiving massive amounts of affection. Billy on the other hand is emotionally constipated and doesnt show feelings if he has a choice, especially not in public.

that being said tho, in private you three are insperable. almost always touching somehow, even if its just your thighs touching while you watch movies, or in Stu’s case, as much of his body touching as much of yours and Billy’s as possible, not unlike a puppy.

also prepare to be in the middle of some kind of ghostface sandwich bc they both want to have maximum contact with you while cuddling so they can hopefully keep you safe if anything were to happen.

also Billy isnt always one for affection but if he wants it hes gonna get it and hes gonna do it in the most dramatic way possible. like when youre watching tv he’ll just flop down onto your lap with a hand on his forehead and a dramatic sigh and just lay there until you make him leave.

[heyitsyn]

Prove Me Wrong

M!Reader x Oikawa

a/n: SDKLFJSLDKFJDLSKF OKAY I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW ITS BEEN SO LONG SINCE I LAST UPDATED BUT I REALLY INVESTED MY TIME INTO RESEARCHING AND READING FANFICS WITH AN M!READER BC I REALLY DIDNT WANNA GET IT WRONG SO I APOLOGIZE IF I DID SOMETHING WRONG AND I HOPE THIS ANON LIKES IT!!!

anon:

-heres an interesting thought. what about flamboyant oikawa with a cold boyfriend😳😳

YEYYY I FINALLY UPDATED

LETS GET STARTED SHALL WE?

okayokayokay

so in the request above

this is a m!reader

meaning you will be male in this one so hehe yep the story starts now

you are,,,

distant

and cold

but its mainly just because you were,,,

too tired to actually put in the effort of socializing

between bouncing between part-time jobs to care for your siblings and to schoolwork and book club

the mans can only do so much

so you spend most of your time in school just trying to catch up on sleep bc youre too busy studying up all night for exams since yanno

✨gRaDuaATiOn✨

unfortunately for you, your class had the famous manwhore oikawa tooru

why is that a bad thing?

well, imagine just trying to get some shut eye and suddenly, you just hear a bunch of screaming girls and it gets louder the closer the guy approaches your classroom and when he opens it,

the screams become 10x bass boosted

then imagine that with your sensitive hearing

now,,

it does bother you but it wouldnt bother you as much if he told them to leave

BUT NOOOOOO

he decides to let them in and chat with them and flatter them and continue with that bs until the bell rings

even then,

the girls in your class cant help but keep giggling at him and he always whispers in that obnoxious voice and youre just like two seconds away from ripping his tongue out

now

you dont hate him

you just genuinely dislike his way of living

and the way he talks

and the way he acts

yea see?

no hate

theres a difference

then there was that one time that you got so fed up with it that when oikawa settled on his seat and the fangirls circled him like some cult

they started talking to him all at once trying to get his attention

so it was a garbled mess of sounds and you growled, burying your face deeper in your arms because you would snap really really soon

then one girl shrieked when oikawa smiled at her and then you really just let go of all bearings

your chair made a squeak as you shot up, palms slamming against the wooden desk and your eyes glaring straight at them

‘go back to the farm, ya squealing pigs’

DSKFJLSDFKJSDFKDJS SORRY I LOVE TSUMU

this made everyone silent-even the others in the class just minding their own business

they all knew you as the quiet kid who didnt really talk much but those who did were really scared at you and the way you talked to them with such a cold and monotonous voice that they started spreading rumors about you

even absurd ones like your eyes are so cold bc youve killed so many people that you have no life and empathy left

LIKE WHAT THE HECK YOU STRUGGLED TO GET A SPIDER OUT OF YOUR SISTERS ROOM THE OTHER DAY LIKE EXCUSE YOU

but apparently they were just,,, so scared of you that when you finally got done with them and bursted out, the girls started crying

YALL KNOW THE SAYING LIKE HELL HAS STARTED WHEN THE QUIET KID SNAPS

the females run out of the room scared and the others nervously looks at you

your eyes sweeped through the room and each one of them flinched when you made eye contact with them

YES ASSERT OUR DOMINANCE M/N

the only who didnt was oikawa tooru himself

your eyes landed on him and he still had that stupid smug look on his stupidly gorgeous face and you wanted to ki-WAIT NO SLAP it off of him

‘the hell you looking at?’

you grumbled at him and he just merely shook his head with a smile

‘you remind me a chihuahua, m/n-chan. so cute when its angry’

‘HAH?!’

now it isnt a surprise to hear oikawa tooru say that to a boy bc wowza the school loves him so much that hes a bi icon in seijoh and hes such a king like who cares?

but they were surprised to see you turn red, the tips of your ears to the base of your neck were all flushed

‘see? so cute, right, everyone?’

KSDFJLSDKJFS

THE NERVE OF THIS MAN

the class didnt say anything except just put their heads down bc as much as they wanted to agree with oikawa at how suddenly hot you looked, they were too scared that you might plummet their faces to the ground

maybe thats when everyone started noticing you more

again, you were very quiet, you didnt talk much, you just sat there and listened so obviously you didnt really stand out but then that outburst made you more noticeable

you started seeing girls in your class staring at you then blush and look away abashedly

then the guys in your class started greeting you, even people in the hallways

ngl the attention you suddenly got was overwhelming

especially when oikawa seemed to call out to you all the time now

as you were walking down the stairs, hed see you and he’d shout and wave to you

‘m/n-chan! hiii!!!!’

his loud voice would make everyone turn and look at you and you dont do well with public attention so you turn red and you glare at him

‘shut the hell up, idiot. and dont call me by my first name. we’re not friends’

you turned to walk in the classroom but you looked at him again after taking a few steps

there he was

smiling and giggling with those girls

all he does is smile and giggle and shit

its so damn fake that you cant believe everyone fell for it and the worst thing is oikawa’s doing it to get everyone’s acceptance and validication

it was pathetic and disgusting

poor oikawa :(

now on to baby flatttykawa side,

he was kinda hurt by that

like how the heck are you not friends when youve been going to high school for 3 years?

sure, its only been casual greetings and him waving at you when yall made eye contact

but its still something, right?

right?

when you walked back into the classroom, tooru cant help but feel down at the declaration of the lack of friendship you had

his form slouched and his eyes trailed down but the voice of some girl brought him back to where he was and to fix his attitude

‘oikawa-san? are you okay?’

the others muttered in concern with her but they were eased when he raised a peace sign with the signature smile 

‘yep! all good!’

GOD I REALLY CANT STAND IT WHEN HE USES A FACADE TO EVERYONE BUT LIKE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH BC HES SUCH A STRONG CHARACTER THAT DOESNT BREAK AND HES SO INSECURE AND IT PAINS ME SO MUCH THAT HE FEELS THE NEED TO HIDE BEHIND A MASK EVERYDAY AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

truth be told,

oikawa has always noticed you

not only do you work at the one bakery with his milk bread but you also work at the convenience store that the team sometimes visits

then he also noticed you picking up your brother from the volleyball practice that takeru’s part of and he cant help but frown at the eyebags under your eyes that he always sees

he lies awake at night just thinking how you would look without those eyebags, without the sickly looking complexion, or even just the lack of life in your eyes

then during class, you sat by the window

tooru knows this bc his eyes always fixes itself on you whenever he opens that door and he has to hold in the need to hug you when he sees you sleeping on your desk

others might call you lazy

others might call you a video game all nighter kid

but they dont notice the things you do

the nervous habits hes seen from you at the times that tooru couldnt help but stare

he knew it was creepy to do it

but you were so silent

you blended yourself into the background and you made sure to stay there 

thats why nobody knows anything about you

with good looks like yours and a smart brain (he knew this from mattsun and makki being your students), why exactly were you not known?

maybe thats why it drew you to him

all his life he chased, 

but now hes the one chasing?

tooru knows that your left eyebrow lifts when sensei writes something you dont understands

tooru knows that you like to do sudoku in the convenience store while you worked

tooru knows you eat the same meal during lunch every day from the same lunchbox

and he also knows that your brother talks so highly about you from takeru

the little things your brother brags about like your ability to cook f/f or your weird ability to just assemble something without looking at the instruction manual

he notices and knows all these things about you

things that people never really even bothered to 

oikawa didnt even know he liked you until iwaizumi pointed it out during lunch

the third years liked to go and eat at the rooftop where it was nice and windy

oikawa was sitting and leaned against the tall wire fence, his eyes fixated on you down below on the bench as you ate your lunch

then you accidentally loosened the chopsticks causing your food to slip off

that made oikawa giggle

he was chuckling and giggling that the others noticed him when he suddenly went quiet

‘oi, oikawa’

makki nudged him back to them and tooru flinched before smiling at them

‘hm? so you do notice me!’

iwa glared

‘idiot. of course we do. youre laughing over there like some damn schoolgirl. did one of your fangirls posses you or something? if not, cut it out. its ugly’

oikawa shot him an offended look

‘what?! iwa-chan so mean!’

mattsun took the liberty to peer over the edge to see what he was looking at and smirked

‘eh? were you looking at l/n-sensei?’

oikawa blushed, feeling like he just got caught doing something bad

‘and what about it? im looking at you too, right now, mattsun!’

makki cackled at oikawa’s poor attempt of reasoning

‘i mean, i dont blame you. if issei wasnt here, id definitely get with him’

SEDKLFJSDLFISDKFJ MATTSUHANA YALL :”)

oikawa’s eyes wandered back down to you and he noticed you put the bento box to the side before sneezing

‘gosh, even his sneeze is cute’

he mumbled then jolted when he heard his own words 

iwa sighed

‘what are we going to do with you, shittykawa?’

‘what?! what did i do?!’

iwa’s eyes scrunched and he scrutinized his best friend

‘boke. i feel bad for that kid, doesnt know this stupid idiot likes him’

so thats how oikawa came to terms of it

he thought he was just interested and fascinated with you but he really does like you

and to be honest, he doesnt really want you to know that bc duh, you dont like him so why bother?

baby oiks doesnt interact with you much anymore bc he knows you get uncomfy with attention but he still does look out for you and decides he should just admire from afar

he will live every day just holding his feelings in for you and one day they will disappear

but today just wasnt the day

maybe today was the start of the worst yet the best part of your life

last night was particularly rough as the convenience store you worked in had a drunk person who wanted to fight with you and your manager had to call the police and it was just a mess

to add on to it, midterms were around the corner-like next week- so you were studying up for that

but your sister got sick so you were also trying to take care of her and making sure her fever was going down and her crying ever few hours about her tummy ache didnt allow you to sleep

hehehe single parent working late tingz

ALSO SHE DOESNT HAVE MISS RONA JFC

so yep haha you did NOT get any sleep

so you walked into school that morning, looking tired as hell and mad as hell but you just wanted to sleep bro

the one kid you tutor, matsukawa issei, and his friend who usually tags along, hanamaki takahiro, noticed you dazedly pass them in the hallway and poor dudes felt bad for you

mattsun actually pays you to tutor him bc he knows you need the money while taka preferred to buy you snacks and drinks as compensation

so it was normal that he had an energy drink in his bag that he was going to give you tomorrow during your tutoring day

‘oi! l/n!’

your head perked up at the call of your name and you nodded in greeting at the light brown haired boy

‘hey’

you muttered and mattsun placed his hands on your shoulder to keep you upright

‘oi, l/n, you sure you want to be here? you can go home and we can tell them youre sick or some-’

but you waved your hand

‘nonono todays an important lecture so i cant miss it’

the two guys didnt look convinced but they respected your need to be in school since they too need to be in class for midterms

‘here. at least take this’

makki placed a drink on your hand and you nodded and gave them a small smile

‘thanks’

you mumbled before wandering off

once they saw you at a distance away, makki wrapped an arm around issei to get his attention

‘ya think we should tell oikawa to keep an eye on him? make sure he doesnt keel over and die or somethin?’

mattsun stopped before nodding

‘yea thats a good idea’

SKLFJLSDKJFD NOT MATTSUHANA BEING YOUR PARENTS

oikawa was already in class when you walked in and he cant help but tear his eyes away from the girls to you as you sluggishly walked to your seat

the drop of your bag and the thud of your head meeting the desk made him worried bc you looked worse than usual

his phone buzzed and he checked it to see a message from mattsun

‘keep an eye out for your boyfriend. mightve been working late last night and yanno how he is. just watch out if he faints or something’

okay that made him super worried

totally ignoring what mattsun called you, oikawa knew he needed to talk to you

but these fangirls were the first problem

he shut his phone off and looked up at them with a grin that made them madly blush

‘ladies, class is about to start. oikawa-senpai would hate for you to be marked. so study hard for me, okay?’

like hypnotized cult members, the girls ran to their classrooms and tooru finally had the opportunity to talk to you

he stood up and walked over to your seat

‘m/n-chan’

he called out, looking down at you

‘m/n-chan’

he tried again and was about to put a hand on your shoulder when your hand snatched it

‘dont touch me, oikawa’

you grumbled and tooru furrowed his eyebrows

‘m/n-chan, i just wanted to ask if youre okay’

he whined and you didnt bother to look up but just let go of his hand

‘i was until you came over, idiot’

ouch

tooru was thankful that the teacher came in then and there bc he didnt know how to respond to that

he wanted to brush it off but it hurt him a little

and he knows he shouldnt entertain his crush on you but he couldnt looking at you and watching as you got up to use the bathroom 

as class went on, oikawa was starting to worry

now again, hes no stalker bc his observation skills were just phenomenal due to volleyball

so he noticed that youve been in the bathroom for like 20 minutes now

DONT JUDGE US, OIKAWA. WE’RE JUST TRYING TO PUSH OUT THE BIG PIECE OF-

okay nevermind

anyways

tooru, worried that something happened, raised his hand to go and use the bathroom and the sensei wasnt exactly paying attention so he just let him go

thank god he has long legs bc he was able to reach the bathroom quick and he stifled a shriek when he saw your passed out form inside

‘M/N-CHAN!’

he yelled and he cursed when duh you were alone and who knows how long youve been there

and ew bathroom floors is bleh

you were in no way light but you werent exactly heavy either so he was able to muster up all his strength and hoisted you on his back

tooru’s heart thrummed in his chest and he knew it couldnt be that serious but he cant help but think of the worst

and yep

the nurse just told him that your heartbeat was okay and you were snoring so you mustve been exhausted by the dark circles in your eyes

‘keep an eye on him for me. i have to tend to midoriya over there. the kid broke his arm again and i dont know how’

she grumbled at the end but tooru didnt care as he sat on the chair next to your bed

he sighed before laying his head on the cot by your hand

his eyes settled on your face and how peaceful it looked

gosh, you really were so cute

your personality just sucked ass

constantly telling him to shut up and calling him idiot

hmph

not long after oikawa fell asleep, you woke up and cursed, immediately realizing you fainted and you missed class

as you were going to rub your eye, there was weight on your hand and you looked down to see a head full of brown hair that could only belong to a certain someone

a certain idiot

‘oi. oikawa, wake up’

you shook his head and when he didnt budge, you just pulled your hand from under him making him jump awake

at first, he was confused

looking around like a lost puppy and his eyes bleary

yea it was cute and what about it

then he noticed you sitting up and he smiled

‘you feeling better, m/n-chan?’

he asked, leaning close 

but you placed your hand on his face to push him away

‘yea. and stop leaning so close, idiot’

you grumbled and he whined

‘youre so mean, m/n-chan! i was so worried about you!’

he complained and you rolled your eyes

‘i didnt ask you to be, idiot’

SLDKFJSDLKFJKL M/N IS SO MEAN WHAT THE FAK

oikawa frowned

‘i cant help it. i like you, m/n-chan’

you froze, looking at him with scrunched eyebrows

then you chuckled dryly

‘yea, okay sure. im okay now so you can go to class’

wOW OIKAWA DESERVES BETTER WHAT

tooru was taken aback

‘wh-what? thats it? after i just told you that i liked you?’

you blinked at him

‘what do you want me to say about that, oikawa? how do you want me to react? im not like your fangirls, squealing and shit’

your words cut deep in him and oikawa held your arm

‘no wait a minute. what do you mean by that? do you not believe me?’

‘who the hell believes something that’s fake?’

there was a snip in your tone and oikawa knew you were talking about this facade of his

‘what? i-’

‘you think i believe you? you telling me you like me? do you even know who you are?’

you asked and tooru sniffled, eyes staring at your chest

‘for years, you told people what you wanted them to hear, regardless if you meant them or not. not once have you ever told them no. who the hell accepts chocolates when they dont even like them to begin with?’

at that last part, oikawa snapped up to meet your eyes

‘how did you know’

you rolled your eyes

‘our brothers are friends, idiot. he gave him some of the chocolates you gave to takeru since the brat couldnt eat them all’

oddly, that brought some warmth in tooru’s chest

so he wasnt the only one who knows the stupid stuff

but you continued on your rant

‘for a guy who doesnt like sweet stuff, youve accepted their nasty treats all the time, like why? oh, wait i know why, because you want them to like you. it doesnt matter if-if this-this persona of yours isnt real because as long as they like you, you dont give a fuck. isn’t that true? am i right? because please, prove me wrong’

maybe your dislike for him came out at that tangent and you half expected him to cry but you were surprised when he glared at you with teary eyes

‘i will. ill prove you wrong, m/n, that i do like you and i will make you like me. ill make you like me with the real me. i swear.’

‘mhm. okay. sure, oikawa’

do you regret it?

i mean,,,

kinda?

but not really?

because you loved watching the girls faces fall when oikawa rejected their treats the next day

you were walking to class when you noticed him with his cult by the entrance and you saw him smiling at some girl before gently pushing away a can of cookies

‘gomen. i actually dont like sweets that much anymore. if you want, you can give me milk bread?’

you stopped and oikawa caught your eye and he grinned

you nodded in greeting before continuing to walk

but he noticed a small smile on your face and gosh oikawa sighed like a lovesick fool

it took iwaizumi to finally send him back and his fangirls were looking at him worriedly

‘could you be less obvious, shittykawa?’

rip iwaizumi hajime in episode 546546546 of daily adventures of oikawa tooru

you noticed that oikawa has started to become distant with his fangirls and hes been sticking to you during lunch, leaving behind the others

makki and mattsun looked like proud parents as they peered down over to you flicking oikawa’s forehead and they smiled

‘god, that kid deserves this’

‘hah? that sounds like more of a punishment to me. but i dont care. it takes him off our hands for a while’

IWA I SWEAR HES SO MEAN BUT HE STILL WUVS TOORU SO ITS OKAY

oikawa would pick your brother up and take him home when youre too busy to go get him yourself and sometimes, he even takes your little sister too which causes them to have a mini sleepover and you sleep there too

also, whenever youre working in the convenience store, tooru would buy sandwhiches and a drink just for you so you can eat them while youre on break and not have to waste money and you told himyou dont want him spending money on you but he doesnt wanna hear it

‘i dont want you buying me-’

‘ssshhhh dont. im doing this because i want to and becaus i care for you, m/n-chan’

overtime, 

yea

sure

youve started to like him

youve started looking forward to seeing his stupidly cute face and his stupidly cute giggle

you went to his games and gave him a tight hug when hes about to play as a ritual for good luck and you would open your arms for him wide whenever he wins

then he didnt

against shiratorizawa, you noticed how he was so disappointed

even as you walked home with him, he continued to smile and tell you how good his team played

until you couldnt take it anymore

you pulled him over to some alleyway and you pushed him to the wall

DSKLFJLSDKFJLSDFJ WOW WHAT

oikawa nervously fiddled with his jacket and gave you a shaky smile

‘m/n-chan, what are you-’

‘tell me what youre feeling right here, right now. no bullshit, no lies, tell me everything in that pretty head of yours’

you deadpanned and tooru looked away

‘im fine’

‘are you lying to me, tooru?’

your voice was even but he could tell you were serious

he gulped before taking in a shakey breath

‘im fine. so stop asking about it!’

he exclaimed and you sighed

‘listen, i know its not official yet but you want me to be your boyfriend right?’

tooru flinched before he flushed at the word ‘boyfriend’ 

then he nodded

‘as your boyfriend, you have to lean on me, tooru. i dont want you to hold it to yourself because i wanna be there for you and i want to go through everything with you because i,,,,,’

you stopped and hesitated, debating if you should say it or not

‘because i like you, idiot’

you confessed and swallowed thickly

oikawa met your eye and his eyes watered

‘im so angry! im so disappointed! but i know my team did their 110 percent! we’re just not strong enough! so its not their fault! but ushijima is such a freak and hes too strong and its not fair!’

he complained and he cried loudly

not once in the 3 years of knowing oikawa have you seen him cry and you were so proud of him for being able to trust you enough to show him being vulnerable

you rushed forward held him close to your chest

‘for what it’s worth, you looked so incredibly hot and cute playing’

you whispered and pecked his neck 

of course oikawa couldnt hold his surprise at the feeling of your lips on his neck so he squealed a little

you gigled and continued holding your boyfriend close, even if it was at some nasty alleyway

yall became official and ngl, they didnt see this coming

some nobody dating the grand king oikawa tooru?

what in the wattpad?

yall know that tiktok of like ‘guys you cant dm me anymore. i have a girlfriend now. what else? and i love her’

IF YALL DONT KNOW IM SORRY

but you totally made oikawa tell his fangirls that

YOU KNOW THE FUNNY THING?

when yall became official, you actually gained your own little fanclub

maybe its because you gained clout from your boyfriend but they started noticing you and wowza you were hot

before, it was you getting jealous over tooru but now, it was him getting possessive of you

hes such a brat that he sits on your lap before class and youre just all smirking and feeling all good bc your baby is so cute when hes jealous

YOU CANT DISAGREE THAT HE DOESNT RADIATE UKE ENERGY

but all oiks has to do is pull down your collar and expose your purple littered collarbones and they will know who you belong to

theres a reason why iwa-chan is now the kids babysitter

youre still kinda cold and distant to people but youre soft for your baby and you always hold him close when hes in sight and you just cant get enough of him

:’)

also!! 

your sister loves dressing you up and oikawa has his sisters makeup and they both do your makeup and you guys have tea party with the boys and just the cutest domestic stuff

you still call him idiot though

but like affectionately yanno?

and over the years youve turned it down to dummy

and ngl tooru loves it when you call him that

what in the dumbification-

because he knows that equivalent to babe from you and he absolutely just loves you lmao

youre def the more quieter and calmer one in the relationship like you absolutely dont react much

while tooru is the overreactor and hes very animated with his facial expressions and stuff

like the one time

he was cooking some chicken pasta and you cheekily grabbed a piece of chicken and he made a dramatic gasp

‘*le gasp* oikawa m/n how dare steal a piece of chicken!’

you cackled before crossing your arms at the sight ofyour lover with his pursed lips and hands on his hips

‘excuse you. its more of you who’d take my last name’

it was so easy to make him flustered and tooru quickly turned around to tend back to the food but he was really just hiding his red face

‘b-baka. thats not going to happen’

‘not if i do it first’

you shrugged and smirked, wondering if he will fall for it

and as expected with oikawa tooru

‘yea okay sure’

‘i will!’

‘prove me wrong, m/n-chan~’

‘turn around right now’

oikawa rolled his eyes playfully before turning with a smile

‘what are you-*le gasp part 2*’

his hands covered his mouth at the sight of you there in front of him, kneeling on your knee tightly clutching a silver ring between your thumb and index finger

your heart was thrumming in your chest but you gulped and smiled

‘i win. now marry me, dummy’

oikawa screamed

a/n: sorry if this sucked booty :((( but i just really like the thought of uke oikawa and just him with a cute boyfriend for a change like please we all know oikawa is a bi king and thats on docosahexaenoic acid

[babysizedfics]

everyone comforting logan in their own ways when he cries at a film

the wind rises is logans fave film bc on the surface it is about a mans passion for work and the art of engineering but at its heart its about his undying love for his wife - and logan is a big sucker for romance stories. but they make him incredibly emotional

logan sobs at it but everyone knows not to comment because they know he's a little insecure about crying in front of people - he used to avoid it altogether, but the fact that he agrees to watch his fave film with them all shows he is comfy enough to cry with them (since he cries everytime he watches it) but it's still tricky for him to be so vulnerable and he doesn't like people drawing attention to it

so roman knows to turn the volume up halfway through, claiming its bc the good bit is coming up but its really bc he knows in a few mins logan will start crying audibly and logan doesnt like being heard over the movie

and patton knows to massage logans knee and thigh the whole time so that logan has easy and discreet access to grab pattons hand and squeeze as hard as he needs to when he gets emotional

and when they all say good night after the credits roll, and logan stays in his seat on the couch mumbling shakily that he will stay and read in the living room for a while, everyone knows its because hes about to breakdown into tears again and he cant trust himself to even move without losing the careful control he has over it and he wants everyone out of the room before that happens. So roman dutifully prances off to bed and patton spares a quick kiss on Logan's wet cheek before whispering that he'll see him when be comes to bed

... but vee knows to hang around behind patton and roman. He knows to quietly tiptoe up to logan and wordlessly point to his lap. She's nonverbal right now but that doesn't mean they can't comfort their mama, she's better at silent support anyway

and mama logan cant refuse his baby a cuddle no matter the situation so even as his face crumples a little he nods and sniffs and opens his arms. vee instantly crawls into her mamas lap and koala bears logan - legs wrapped around his hips, arms around his shoulders, head nuzzled into logans neck

and logan just holds them tight and takes a shaky breath and cant hold back the tears anymore

his crying is very quiet but with bursts of louder sounds that he couldnt hold back like a rlly wet sniffle or a little cough on his tears or a small sob that he quickly muffles by pressing his lips to vee's head and giving her a smooch

and after a few mins logans tears have stopped and vee is still clinging and logan is rocking him and breathing deeply. and in a croaky whisper he says "thank you, sweetheart" and strokes vees hair

and vee finally pulls their lil face back from logans shoulder and just smiles like c: and logan smiles shakily back. then either vee slips off from logans lap and logan leads him to bed by the hand or she buries her face on logans neck again and they stay there longer or logan tries to do his best to carry his very sweet considerate baby up to her bed

[angstymdzsthoughts]

the real reason jzx opposed his engagement was not bc he dislikes jyl, but bc hes actually fallen for wwx. and in this au wwx returns his feelings, but wont do anything in fear of hurting shijie. he still meets jzx in secret though. after the fall of lotus pier, the marriage couldnt be avoided and wwx had to let jzx marry jyl while he couldnt even attend the wedding. afterwards, jin sect began pushing jzx to have an heir, only to find that jyl would definitely die if she has children. 1/

jyl couldnt bear children without losing her life. jzx wouldnt do that to a friend he has come to hold dear. one time jzx went with jyl since she insisted on visiting wwx. he hasnt met wwx in a while, he missed wwx but couldnt hold wwx the way he wanted to with his wife there. there jyl met a-yuan and liked him so much, she cried to wwx that she couldnt have a little family she had always wanted. to everyone's surprise, wwx offered to carry a jin heir for her. he couldnt look jzx in the eyes. 2/

jzx shouldve been happy, that he would be able to embrace his lover, but neither of them couldnt break through the sheer transactional nature of the affair. in return of a jin heir, the wens are to be left alone. jzx agreed. after wwx confirmed his pregnancy, jzx took him in and closed his quarters off, telling everyone his wife is pregnant and will be in temporary seclusion. the few months wwx lived together with jyl and jzx were utter bliss. 3/

jzx kept wwx posted on the wens condition and no one bothered him. wwx got to spend time with his shijie and got to steal kisses from his lover every once in a while. when the time of birth came, jzx was nervous at best and distraught at most. he couldnt deal with his emotions and left, he wasnt there for the birth, not for the baby and not for wwx. wwx decided a couple days is enough for him to be with jin ling, the precious baby he will now hand over to be raised by his precious sister. 4/

jin ling was only 3 days old when wwx left. to the end, jzx regretted not being there for wwx when he needed the most. wwx bid his farewell to jyl, promising to visit and spoil jin ling as uncles should. after birthing the heir of jin, wwx decided he couldnt trust the jins after all, using his shijie and her husband as mere tools. he turned jzx away everytime the other stole away at night to meet him. it was better if jzx didnt get tainted by him too. 5/

soon, jin ling's first month celebration was fast approaching. wwx was giddy. of course he missed his little baby. he had a gift prepared, both for jin ling and for jyl. if only the ambush didnt happen. wwx was angry and panicked, everyone was enemy. he didnt hear jzx calling out for him to please listen, and suddenly wn had his hand through jzx's chest. wwx heard his name being said before jzx breathed his last. did he just kill his own beloved? 6/

wwx passed out and wn took him back to burial mounds. he spent the next days in his mind. the crashing truth of it all, that he killed jzx, that jin ling will grow up fatherless, that he ultimately had no control over his powers. in the conference in nightless city, wwx didnt expect he would meet his sister again. he wanted to kneel to her, to apologize for killing her husband, but he fled when madam jin noticed him. wwx wouldnt fight unless attacked, but suddenly everyone wanted to kill him. 7/

wwx raised his corpse and cried, he cried for all his regret and his pain. he only wanted to do the right thing, why does everyone want him dead? it isnt fair. all of the sudden someone was calling out for him, it was shijie. he panicked and ran to her, but it was hard, with thousands of cultivators and corpses fighting each other. he didnt even have time to order the corpses to not hurt shijie. as he got near, he saw a corpse with a sword charging from behind jyl. 8/

he threw himself at jyl, taking the sword through his chest. he collapsed in jyl's arms. with the master incapacitated, the corpses stopped fighting. wwx didnt care. his shijie was crying because of him. "its okay shijie, its my fault. im sorry," hes sorry for a lot of things. for bringing lotus pier's downfall, for disappointing jiang cheng, for killing jzx, for not being in control, for making shijie sad. "jin ling is lucky to have you," she heard wwx speak before going limp in her lap. 9/

someone yelled "wei wuxian is dead!" and the thousands of men yelled in triumph. for what, jyl didnt know. she could only care about her brother, who gave everything he has for his family, a cold lifeless body in her arms. he gave her happiness, he gave her a son, and now he gave her his life. she didnt even see jc approach. only when he kneeled in front of her did she saw him. the only emotion she could project was disappointment and regret, why didnt we save him sooner? 10/

jyl allowed for jc to take wwx's corpse with him to lotus pier for him to arrange a funeral. corpse. her brother is now a corpse. but she must fulfil wwx's wish, she will now pretect the wens in his stead. she asked meng yao, now jin guangyao, if he has any news about the wens. nothing, he said. good, that means nobody had touched them. she had a funeral to attend and she brings jin ling with her. in front of his coffin, jyl stopped. she lifted a-ling and put him on wwx's unmoving body. 11/

"say goodbye" she told the baby. wwx didnt even get to see jin ling for the last time. jin ling is the last thing she had of her husband and her brother. jyl vowed to protect him no matter what. she would raise him to be a son wwx could be proud of. jyl couldnt stay in lotus pier for too long. every corner of lotus pier reminds her of the times they spent together, the laughter and hugs they share. jc didnt have the heart to stop her. she went back to lanling the next day. 12/

who knew, when she got back, the only news she heard was that wen ning and wen qing are finally arrested and executed. her heart fell through her stomach. if wn and wq are here, who is protecting the wens? jyl hurried and contacted jc, asking him to meet her at the burial mounds. jc arrived about the same time she did. what they encountered there made her nauseous. the stench of blood permeated the walls as she saw broken bodies upon broken bodies, bloody and strewn across the floor. 13/

jc checked wwx's previous living quarters, it had been ransacked. but nothing prepared her for that. laid across the bed was a tiny body. she recognized it to be the little boy she remembered clinging onto wwx's leg. the little boy she remembered wwx soothe and coo at. the little child wwx called his own. laying in a dried pool of his own blood. his big innocent eyes are open, lifeless but glaring as if asking why. it was a-yuan. she failed. /14

[nameless-goddess94]

heres a dream i just had:

i was leaving work tonget something to eat.

when i stepped outside it was really outside, it was morning and a sunrise was happening i think. the grass was dewy, but the sky looked fake. i knew at this point i was dreaming.

i was supposed to be getting lunch but i didnt go to my car because i didnt want it to be a "car dream"(i knew i was dreaming and i wanted to explore my dream world, and usually my car dreams end fast. its also hard for me to stay grounded in my car, its easy to forget im dreaming)

i walked past my car and saw a man sitting criss cross in a field behind it. he was looking at me. i couldnt make out his face but ive never seen him before. he was white, wearing a red shirt and blue hat. he had a big belly and a long white beard. i was scared to walk past him bc i was afraid he was going to do something to me. he didnt though, he just sat there and stared. i think he had things around him? but i dont remember. anyways, i continue to the side of the building and i see three black cats. one of them came up to me, and i tried to scare it away, but it wasnt phased lol. and i was just like "whatever” since i knew i was dreaming and the cat wasnt real.

what could this mean?

Hello @012901,

I always find it interesting when someone can lucid dream. When someone dreams in this manner the symbols that stick out to us seem to be more spiritual, due simply to the surreal nature of it all. It is my personal understanding as well, when we dream in this manner we are perceiving rather than simply generating. Our conscious mind is aware of the dreamscape, a place where the line between the waking world and the spiritual realm blur.

When you say that you saw a man sitting cross legged in a field, my intuition can't help but wonder if this is a sign that someone, possibly powerful, is keeping tabs on you. It is no secret that in older times a larger man was the depiction of wealth, but NOT necessarily of material wealth. Rather, these men are rich in spirituality. A long white beard holds many of the same symbolical meanings as it did many years ago- it is the mark of someone who is educated and wise. The hat and the shirt can mean many things based on color alone. The red and blue could be signs of the nature and the true intentions of this being. Red is the color of passion, aggression, anger, deep love, war...the list goes on. Where as blue can be the color of serenity, calmness, and wisdom. I think it is up to you and your intuition to figure that out for yourself. The point I'm trying to make here is this- someone is reaching out to you. It could be a long forgotten relative. It could be an interested spirit. It could even be a god, depending on your beliefs.

As for the cats, what you should know is that three is a number of power. It is a number of unity, separate and yet one. It is the mind, the body and the spirit. It is the begining, middle and end. In other words, it is a highly spiritual number. Cats, in general, tend have some kind of connection to a powerful being as messengers or divine servants. Black cats most of all bear an association with magic, whether good or bad. I would like to say this is probably a good sign rather than bad. They could even be another clue as to who the man in your dream is. May be worth looking into.

Thank you for sharing your dream, and giving me this opportunity to hone my craft. I hope this helped and that you have a wonderful day.

-🌙

[cirilee]

i just found a text my browser had saved on a word count website, and i apparently typed it last november while being sad - i just wanna have a place to post it, and it explains why i was gone for most of may through november last year.

if you’re interested, u can read, it’s basically just a long long long vent and i wanna save it somewhere :’)

(and if you wanna, you can tell me what u think of the whole thing, maybe share if something like that happened to you too, because man, this whole thing was WEIRD for me)

bottom line is: i’m much better now and have way better friends then back then and in general, i’m a pretty happy person again^^

My parents and me had been fighting a lot the past years. I still love them. For a while though, it was just shouting matches between us. We weren't really speaking to each other throughout january 2019 until april 2019, so i wasn't informed by them that they were planning to mOVE OUT. And the place they wanted to move to only had enough space for 2 people. now my brother and me had 3 months total to find and finance our own flats. i was desperate. 2 months i unsuccessfully searched for a job or a flat or a way to make a deposit for said flat, without any saved up money. an old school friend offered to move out together. i only saw him once every month for group activities. he was nice, but we also had a bit of a history. 3 years ago he had acted kinda scummy and tried to get me to be his girlfriend because "he couldnt find anybody else” - ending in a "movie night with friends" that turned out to be a trap, where the only one spending the night was me because he only invited me. creepy. he apologized and i forgave him and we were chill and it was normal between us. i realize now, that i should have just left him out of my life at that point. but time was running out, so i gave in and asked myself "whats the worst he could do. i’ve known this person for 12 years and the he's part of my friend group" we set up basic rules, how we would pay for stuff, etc. .. we moved in. it seemed fine. then i noticed that he talked A LOT. and he wanted A LOT of attention. after a day of working on my diploma or working at my job, he would assert himself in my room and try to engage in smalltalk. i am not the hermit type. i engaged with him, i joined in on his conversation. but when i was already tired he wouldn't accept "i'm gonna go to sleep". there was always something else he needed to talk about. I was trying to make clear to him that i needed alone time too, but no matter how honest i was, the message either didn't seem to stick, or he'd get upset and start asking me if i hated him. With that, i could have kept up with in the long run. Then he started knocking on my door. even when it was already late and i already told him i was gonna go to sleep. Repeatedly knocking on my door. At some point he just opened the door. It was 1am. I pretended to sleep. I could hear him breathing, it sounded angry. He eventually closed the door. The next morning i confronted him. He argued it away as him trying to warn me that he was going to take a shower, so that i wouldn't use the bathroom. He started commenting on how i wasn't funny enough around him. in that friend group, i'm the funny one :c. but i cant keep up that energy 24/7 (this was supposed to be a home, not a free neverending standup act, for this one guy). that confused him. the next day he asked me if i had depression. My parents had given me a griller/toaster as a parting gift (there’s a backstory for that too but anyways) my flatmate ALSO had that same toaster. He demanded we make up our minds which one to keep. i didn't understand why this was important to him and i hated discussing this useless topic with him so i stored the toaster in my room. He repeatedly suggested i throw mine away (?). One evening i got hungry and decided i'd make myself a toast in my room. So i made some toast. Suddenly he bursts in. And he starts ranting. "why are you doing this are you CRAZY you cant TOAST in your own room thats DANGEROUS you're gonna start a fire, don't ever do that again, we have a KITCHEN for that. why don't you want to use the kitchen you cant just HIDE from me every day, this is OUR flat  and i want us to live TOGETHER!" He didn't stop talking and it overwhelmed me, so (this is embarrassing, but) i actually started crying and i turned away from him so i could try to control myself. and he just started babytalking me "awww its alright i didn't mean to scare you, but you see, you shouldn't have done that". he tried putting his arms around me, i told him to stop. "you need a hug right now" ...... i was so angry i think my brain might have short circuited because the next hour was me just acting the whole way through. i told him everything he wanted to hear. i was so sorry for almost burning the house down and made up some explanation that my parents were still making me sad, so i needed distance. The next big thing involved one of my best friends. she wanted to spontaneously go out for an evening. so i put on some pants and of course: HE appears in my room, asking where i'm going. i was surprised by the question and just answered "going out with Lina" he left it at that. then suddenly: "can i come too?" He threw me off with that question. Lina had said she needed some advice on personal stuff, so I said "no" because i didn't have a better answer. he got ANGRY. i explained. "Lina wants some privacy, i'm sorry" He starts arguing that Lina is just as much his best friend, and that he should be allowed to hear what she wants to say to me. Before i can reply he slams his door shut. "Don't even try to explain yourself", he says. I told my friend while meeting up with her and she began with the sympathetic "you should have said yes" and we argued about it and then she came out with this absolutely horrifying sentence: "you know how he is. you cant be *too* honest with him. he's sensitive. you need to lie to him so he doesn't get mad" it was as if i'd been splashed with cold water. i said i didn't agree with that. that that was actually unfair to HIM. nobody likes being lied to and treated less than. she called him, told him i was gonna apologize and he showed up with the angriest expression i ever saw in his face. he accused me of being depressed and that he now has the burden of my mental issues to bear. This he assumed because one night i told him about me dissassociating sometimes a few years ago. Then he wanted me to promise i would never leave him, because he's afraid i won't be able to pay my part of the rent. the crowning moment was my friend Lina mostly agreeing with him and both of them berating me for not having my life together because i still hadn't managed to find an open-ended contract job, only limited-time jobs. at the end he justified himself by saying he cant stand my parents phoning me. (at that point they had started calling me everyday and showed genuine concern ... i was trying to reform a bond with them) - apparently he resented that. he knew about my parents disciplining me with face slaps as a kid (when i was 9-11 yrs old) (they feel bad about it, and they they stopped doing it fairly early) in that moment my flatmate chose to tell me ..... (hoo boy i need to get ready to type this) .... "i'm concerned about you. if your father would ever beat you, i would beat him  to a bloody pulp" then he repeated "i would beat him/kill him" a few times, VERY agitatedly. it was scary and at that point i was numb. i didn't really respond, i just said "its fine" or something to that extent. the  thing that made me decide to move out (although certainly among many that followed that night) was this: one morning i informed him i was going to visit my parents that weekend. we had started talking again (as i mentioned before and i wanted to meet them without fighting for once). he says "but you're coming back, right". i say "of course don't be so nervous". i go to work. i get a LOT OF texts from him suddenly. i skim through it. he's mad about me calling him "nervous". i don't reply/read bc i am at work. Then he actually CALLS me. i don't pick up.  now i'm thinking: What is so  important, that he has to call me during work.  there's a 4 paragraph essay in my inbox. "watch your mouth", "you have no right to speak that way to me", "you should have more respect". he was mad i called him nervous. i responded that i don't have time to reply. he argued back. at one point i said "if i cant even call you nervous then i'm ACTUALLY gonna stay with my parents" he fiNALLY didn't reply to that. after a 10hour day i come home. i wanna shower. i go to my room, close the door and start undressing myself. of course, there's knocking on my door. i say "No" he flips out. i calmly tell him i'm only half dressed. he flips out even more, says i'm a horrible person who WANTS to fight because my "no" wasn't a good enough answer and i should have explained in full detail why he couldn't get in. he was actually SERIOUS. this was his reasoning for flipping out. he goes away. not even a minute passes by and he hammers his fist against my door again. "OPEN UP THIS TIME I *HAVE* TO COME IN" at this point i'm beginning to get kinda scared  so i say "come in" He comes in and says he needs me to disconnect with the wifi because he needs it for his work. i calmly say "ok" and disconnect my wifi. he goes away, leaves the door open. i stand up to go and close my door. HE ACTUALLY GOES AND PULLS AGAINST ME TO TRY TO PRY IT OPEN AGAIN. eventually he lets go and then he flips out FOR REAL. he starts screaming about how i'm a psycho, and that im crazy and awful and he has been nothing but nice and that he "saved" me and i haven't been thankful enough.

.... ..

yes, i was in a difficult position. but that flatmate arrangement was made on even ground. he had wanted to move out from his parents for years. i fled and left. called my parents, but they were miles away and laughed it off. i would have probably too. i called my friends. Lina offered to come and mediate. He continued screaming even with Lina there. It culminated with him roaring at me, pointing at the door saying "if you don't like how i treat you, there's the door, leave right now" with lina replying "don't say that, you NEED her money to pay rent!" it was awful, and an eye-opener. the next day, on the way to work, i decided i was gonna move out. and before i could tell him, i get a message from him (!). An ultimatum. he tells me i have 3 options. 1) leave immediately and take my stuff away within a week. i wouldn't have "pay any more than i've already payed" (it was the first day of that month and i had already payed my rent. nice) 2) stay for half a year, but immediately pay him something so that he knows i'll stay 3) stay indefinitely, but set up a " bevahiour contract" with him, so this "never happens again" i told him i'd take option 1 and then i stayed over at a friends house. then at a friends shared appartement. then at dormitary and soon i'm gonna move in with my younger brother. we've been estranged a bit but grown closer through this whole thing. now Lina and him are still friends and lina blames me for "everyone in our friend group" being mad at him. one of her first concerns, was that her birthday parties are gonna be weird now. i am completely done with her as well and don't want her in my life anymore. according to her, I left him with a rent he cant pay  and i should feel bad for that. except i dont. should i though?

[floorbed]

pen playlist tiem. brain full of thoughts i think this is my longest playlist ever . lyrics and annotation and sections under the cut for funsies heh

home

me and my husband - mitski

and i am the idiot with a painted face / in the corner taking up space / but when he walks in i am loved / i am loved / me and my husband we’re doing better / it’s always been just him and me together / so i bet all i have on that furrowed brow / and at least in this lifetime we’re sticking together

turf war - momma

the kings and queens are on the court / they’re sitting pretty on the floor

this charming man - the smiths

a jumped up pantry boy / who never knew his place / he said return the ring / he knows so much about these things / he knows so much about these things

utopia - cowgirl clue

living in a great utopia is quite nice is quite nice / living in a great utopia you pay the price you pay the price / living in a great utopia roll the dice kiss goodbye / living the dream living the dream living the dream

bubblegum bitch - marina and the diamonds

got a figure like a pin up got a figure like a doll / don’t care if you think i’m dumb i don’t care at all / candy bear sweetie pie wanna be adored / i’m the girl you’d die for / i’ll chew you up and spit you out / cus that’s what young love is all about

…

oh dear diary, i met a boy

(do the) act like you never met me - tv girl

the hidden kisses / the clumsy conspiratory glance / but i don’t really mind it no / i always liked the way you danced

it will come back - hozier

don’t give it a hand / offer it a soul / honey make this easy / leave it to the land / this is what it knows / honey that’s how it sleeps / don’t let it in with no intention to keep it / jesus christ don’t be kind to it / honey don’t feed it it will come back

real men - mitski

little boys cry and look around for comfort and / always get what they want

song against sex - neutral milk hotel

and he said oh boy you are so pretty / enough to wrap tight in rice paper string / and when i finally kissed him / the whole world began to ring / lost like a bell that’s tipping over / with two cracks along both sides / and i knew the world was over / so i took a look outside

(running away before the trial and seeing the world for the first time vibes!)

exile, early party

april and the phantom - animal collective

i’m sorry april / but you’ll be fine till then / i’m the phantom / i’m the phantom / i’m the phantom

(Pens First Summoning Dot Mp3)

insects are all around us - money mark

(from pens very first introduction in session 1 when he was walking in the woods and was described like looking like a lil insect)

bug - alex g

and when you go there / you stay there / bug in the crosshair / you stay there

king of carrot flowers pt 2 & 3 - neutral milk hotel

i love you jesus christ / jesus christ i love you yes i do

you’ll miss me when i’m not around - grimes

if you don’t bleed then you don’t die / cross my heart and hope to fly / if you like it then you’ll make it out alive / if they could see me now / smiling six feet underground / i’ll tie my feet to rocks and drown / you’ll miss me when i’m not around

rich bitch juice (HANA remix) - alice longyu gao

don’t you dare talk to me / bitch

fool - moonbounce

you could’ve let me think im right / i could’ve tried to keep my cool / i could’ve followed my own rules / i could’ve used you like a tool / i could’ve played a fucking fool

isle

hooped earrings - the front bottoms 

and you have gotta do this now or you can never come home again / yeah you have gotta do this now or you can never come home again / and there are not so many options / there’s not so many ways that this could possibly end / so you have gotta do this now or you can never come home again

wicked boy - alex g 

real men walk / on the outside / on the outside / on the outside / and they take it for the team

black hair - alex g

it’s not what you are / it’s just what you did / don’t hang up the phone / i love you to death / eternal return / eternal return / eternal return / eternal return 

rabbit heart - florence & the machine

this is a gift it comes with a price / who is the lamb and who is the knife / when minas is king and he holds me so tight / and turns me to gold in the sunlight

oh ana - mother mother

i’ll fake god / i’ll fake god / i’ll fake god / i’ll fake god today / hop up on a cloud and watch the world decay

i am my own hell - teen suicide

i’m learning all kinds of tricks / how to drain the blood from my face

brick - alex g

i know that you’re lying / you think i don’t but i always fucking do

come back - alex g

made my promise and i’m keeping it for kicks / yeah i really didn’t think that it would stain like this / yeah i really didn’t think that it would stain like this

river of the night 

trick - alex g

(this is what his Contract Signing Dream sounded like that’s all)

call this # now - the garden

call this number now / if you wanna check it out / well just do yourself a favor and just call this number now / call this number now 

long way down - teen suicide

you’re a spoiled kid who’s never gonna get / anything that you deserve / i know this life’s gonna be just fine / but with any luck you know the next one’s gonna hurt

business man - mother mother

talkin bout the business man / devil with a sunday plan / buddy with a stupid laugh / just talkin bout the business man / pretty little baby / pretty little monster / went to the good school / left with honors

king rat - modest mouse

deep water / deep water / senseless denial / i went down like a rag doll rat of a child

oh lucky lucky lucky lucky me again / i said it looks like i’ve got to use my feet again / well i just spent my last one hundred dollars / god i’ll pay my bill again 

after dying and being saved

new gods - grimes

hands reaching out to new gods / you can’t give me what i want / but what do i know? / i wanna i wanna i wanna let go / i wear black eyeliner / black attire yeah / so take me higher and higher and higher

…

only brand new gods can save me

home again - carole king

sometimes i wonder if i’m ever gonna make it home again / it’s so far and out of sight / i really need someone to talk to and nobody else / knows how to comfort me tonight / snow is cold rain is wet / chills my soul through the marrow / i won’t be happy till i see you alone again / till i’m home again and feeling right

miracle - paramore

and have i told you / i’m not going / cuz i’ve been waiting for a miracle / and i’m not leaving / i won’t let you / let you give up on a miracle / when it might save you

(Pen And Ori. Pen Telling Ori He’s Not Going To Stay At The Castle [Bc He Couldnt Imagine Not Seeing Her Everyday.] Pens Naive Optimism + His Want T.o Make Her Feel Better Abt The Future and The World And Everything)

dinner and diatribes - hozier

i knew it from the first look of / the look of mischief in your eyes / friends are a fate that befell me / head is the talking type / i’d suffer hell if you’d tell me / what you’d do to me tonight

(Pen And Juni Anthem)

funny - the scary jokes

and i laughed and i laughed and i gasped and i cried / and i tried not to think of my love as a punchline / but i knew the truth would catch up with me sometime / and oh what a funny joke am i

(pen crying on the bed in castle ravenloft dot mp3)

pretty funny - dogfight (lindsay mendez)

isn’t it funny?  isn’t it funny?  aren’t you funny? / pathetically naive and desperate to believe you could always find some good / well you misunderstood or you’ve been dreaming / cus people are just cruel

(pen crying on the bed in castle ravenloft dot mp3 Part 2)

until it goes - john congleton

oh my vengeance i swear will be biblical

…

my bride my bride how do i silence / this restlessness inside me / inside i see it kneeling through keyholes / my bride i need no absolution / on this day of my execution / just stay with me stay with me stay with me stay with me until the horror goes

(abandonment issues pen be like *stay with me stay with me stay with me stay with me noises*. also one day i want pen to hurt everyone who has severely fucked with him and thats all [m****** and d******])

beautiful - carole king

you’ve got to get up every morning / with a smile on your face / and show the world all the love in your heart / then people gonna treat you better / youre gonna find yes you will / that you’re beautiful as you feel

don’t ask me to explain - of montreal

i’d like to marry all of my close friends / live in a big house together by an angry sea / am i the devil’s marbles don’t move on without me / who will be watching my body when i sleep / who will i believe in

(Pen Be Like I Love Ori And Juni And Alba And That Is My Disease. )

100 years - florence welch

i believe in you /and in our hearts we know the truth / and i believe in love / even the darker it gets the more i do / you try and fill us with your hate and we will shine a light / and the days will become endless / and never turn to night

...

a hundred arms / a hundred years / you can always find me here / and lord don’t let me break this / let me hold it lightly / give me arms to pray with / instead of ones that hold too tightly 

[feminarrie]

Niall, a bottle of whiskey, and a drill. use that and write what you will. I want to see what you come up with!! (also you can take your time with this)

kate! once again, thank you for challenging me with this! it was fun to figure out just how i wanted to go about this, but i’m happy with what i’ve come up with!

i’m putting it below a cut bc it’s just 3k+ of smut (it is also unedited sorry!)

As she looks out at Niall, Y/N can’t help but think how utterly domestic the scene is.

It’s midsummer and the California heat was approaching a dry 100 degrees. She had ditched her shirt in favor of a bikini top and a pair of light wash shorts atop her bottoms. She’d even spent the better half of the morning in the pool with Niall. But, as it neared one in the afternoon and the peak temperature of the day, she had gone back inside to cool down and to prepare lunch for the both of them. While Niall had slipped out of the pool and wandered to the patio, where a new patio set is still sat in pieces.

She looks outside at him now, through the kitchen window, as she washes and peels a carrot. His back glistens with sweat as he attempts to line up a metal pole with another piece of the bar that they had bought just a few days ago. They’d offered to assemble it upon delivery, but Niall had insisted that he would be able to put it together. She hadn’t argued it, either. Especially considering that they were on their way out for a scheduled date night.

She’s glad Niall had decided to put the furniture together. Especially when she see the way his broad back tenses when he moves this way or that. Droplets of sweat drip down it and highlight every movement.

The way his arms look now, as he uses a drill to join to pieces together, surpass sinful. With every movement, his biceps flex and Y/N can’t help, but think about how they feel when he’s fucking up into her. Like they had this morning, in the comfort of their air conditioned bedroom. When her back was pressed to his chest and the backs of her thighs and ass bounced in his lap. His arm had wrapped around her middle while his other hand was wound around her throat. Hitting her at angles that she didn’t think were possible.

There’s a different heat that’s building, now. An internal heat that still has sweat developing on the back of her neck and at her hairline despite the heavily air conditioned kitchen. It settles into the apples of her cheeks as continues to prepare their lunch. 

Which, it really is a miracle that she’s capable of finishing all the preparation and plating it by the time Niall walks in. She’s even managed to grab the bottle of whiskey from the top of the fridge without asking Niall to retrieve it for her. She pours it over the ice in a short glass, watching as it melts the cubes just slightly. She hopes he’ll like all of it, too. Niall is usually one to drink beer or water in this kind of heat, but she figures that a small glass of whiskey is a treat for all the hard work he’s doing. Plus, it forces him to slow down enough to enjoy the liquor and cool off for awhile. 

Y/N can see the sunburn that has begun its assault on his shoulders. The already tan skin has turned a shade of pink that holds a future of promise of blossoming into a shade of red if he’s outside for any longer. “Whatever you’ve made smells delicious, love.” Niall hums, pushing his sunglasses to the top of his head as rounds the corner of the island.

“Thank you.” She grins, leaning upward to receive the peck that Niall has stopped to give her. “Go clean up and I’ll have the table all set when you come back.”

Niall nods and leaves after another peck to her lips.

Y/N busies herself with setting up the table. She places a smaller bowl of salad between two plates of greek wraps. It’s nothing too fancy, but she hardly thinks that Niall is keen on having a hot meal after he’s come inside. Even if he was, she absolutely did not want to be overheating while cooking up a warm meal for him. So, she figures it is more likely a win/win situation for the both of them. Niall returns shortly after she’s set herself down to eat. He’s in a pair of deep blue gym shorts and nothing on top. As he comes to sit down next to her, she can see the freckles that have begun to develop along the expanse of his shoulder and back. Unlike his sunburn, they will likely fade within the next few days. 

“Thanks for lunch, Y/N.” Niall says before his eyes land on the chilled glass of whiskey. “And for this. How’d ya know I was cravin’ something stronger?”

“Figured you would after being outside for most of the day.” Y/N shrugs as she answers. Their conversation dies down after that, both of them being too busy with eating to speak. Especially Niall, who goes back in for a second helping of salad. And Y/N lets him because she knows he’s probably built up an appetite.

“I’ve just got to put a few more pieces together and then I’ll be done.” Niall says after Y/N asks him how much longer he’ll be.

“We’ll stay inside after that then, yeah?” She suggests, hopeful that Niall will want to stay in for the remainder of the evening. “I’ll order takeout for us, if you’d like.”

Niall nods, drying off his hands after having finished washing his dish. Y/N lets the rest sit in the sink for now, her mind having drifted to the idea of having a cool shower while Niall finishes up outside.

He kisses her once more on the cheek before stepping out into the yard once again. Y/N paces herself in heading upstairs into the master bathroom. Grabbing her phone from the coffee table so that she can listen to music while she’s showering. She’s even more eager because she’s got a killer playlist that she’d been adding to for the past few weeks.

But, she’s also got other things on her mind as she makes her way upstairs after turning the temperature down just a little bit more. 

The images of Niall were shoved aside as they ate. She was starving and in that moment, her appetite had far outweighed her desire for Niall. But, now that she had a clearer head and a shower awaiting her, she couldn’t help but to conjure up those images again. 

She’s sure he would be too tired to do much of anything anyway. So, she sees no harm in getting herself off while he put the final touches on their patio furniture. Especially seeing as she doesn’t know how long he will be and Y/N has never been one to be patient about these types of things. 

Before long, she’s come to stand in their shared master bathroom. The heated floors don’t feel quite so warm beneath her feet, but she is still aware of the heat that they exude. Their toothbrushes occupy one marbled cup set between two sinks and white, plush hand towel hangs just slightly over the edge of the dark countertop. Two more navy blue towels hang over separate bars that sit next to the shower. There’s still droplets of condensation against the glass, likely from Niall’s shower earlier that morning. 

Y/N strips after she’s turned the shower on and found a happy medium between too warm and too cold. She kicks her shorts and bottoms to the corner of the room, closer to the laundry basket. Her top is flung in the same direction moments later. All the while, the sounds of her playlist bounce off the walls of the spacious bathroom. 

A soft sigh leaves her lips when the water hits her front. It’s enough of a temperature difference that her nipples pearl and to give her some relief from the high temperatures outside. Her sun kissed skin drinks the moisture as she allows it to wash over her for a prolonged period of time before she turns around. 

She reaches for the bottle of cherry blossom and citrus scented soap that lives on the middle left shelf of the tiled shower. Her other hand reaches for her own loofa that hangs from the shower handle. Once she’s put more than enough of the soap on it, it’s only a matter of seconds before it has begun to lather. Y/N hums along to Postpone by Catfish and the Bottlemen and she nods her head along with the beat. And she’s fully enraptured by the song until she’s reached between her thighs, the soap leaving a soapy lather that drips down her thighs as the water drips down from her back. Where she simply can’t help herself from switching the loofa from her dominant hand to the other.

The pads of her fingers dance over her already slick folds, gliding with ease as she teases herself. She reaches down to slide her middle finger from her entrance to her clit, letting it stay there and adding just a slight amount of pressure. Enough to heighten the stirring in her tummy, but that’s it. She teases herself for awhile. Eventually letting the loofa fall to the floor so that her other hand is free to roam her body. It eventually settles at the base of her throat and she applies just a slight amount of pressure. Her small hands aren’t as good as Niall’s, but they’ll do in the moment. Especially when she’s pushed two fingers inside herself after the images of Niall and her own teasing had become too much to bear.

Y/N is chasing her orgasm when Niall enters the bathroom after having called out for her just a few minutes before. He doesn’t need to see her form to know that either. Instead, her whimpers and occasional pants of his name can be heard loud and clear with the acoustics of the space. When he does look at her, though, it has his cock hardening in his shorts. Enough so that if she looked now, she could see the outline of it with only so much as a glance. But, she doesn’t. Her eyes are squeezed shut as one hand drops to cup her breast, a sure sign that she is close to the edge. Niall watches her as she continues to chase it, too. Her shoulders slouching forward slightly and his name like a mantra as it falls from her lips. She falls apart right before his eyes, unraveling at the seams as she cums. A final yelp of his name as her body quakes with her orgasm and her head lulls backward.

He allows her a moment to recoup and steady herself before he clears his throat. It still makes her jump, though. Which, Niall knew it would but it still pulls a strained chuckle from him.

“Fuck,” she mumbles, “You scared the shit out of me.”

It’s muffled by the sound of the shower and music, but Niall can still (just barely) make out what she is saying. “Sorry, love.” He replies, genuinely sorry that he had scared her so much.

Y/N takes in his half naked form from where she stands. Even with steam rising from the shower and blurring her vision slightly, she can see the outline of his cock. It only serves to make her even wetter. Something that she didn’t think was possible considering she can feel herself dripping down her thigh before it’s washed away by the water. “Got off thinking of you.” Y/N begins and she hopes Niall had been in the room to see what an absolute mess she was at the mere thought of him. A groan sounds from deep within Niall’s chest. Because even after all this time, the idea of her getting off to the thought of him was a nice ego boost. Plus, that thought alone was enough to have him muffling his own cries as he cums in the bunk of his tour bus when he’s been away from her for too long. Again, Y/N has hardly ever been good at being patient. So, when Niall is taking too long and absentmindedly palming at himself, she lets out a huff. She’d like to get her mouth around him, if he’d let her. Swallow all that he had to offer before they toweled off and settled in for the night. (Although, Y/N wouldn’t be opposed to another round once they’ve received their takeout). “Niall,” she whines, a pout setting on her lower lip.

“What is it that you want, love?” Niall raises a brow, his hand stroking across the length of himself as he looks at her.

And normally, Y/N is all about niceties. Even when Niall is nipping and sucking at her clit with three fingers buried inside her. Bringing her closer and closer to her climax, but not allowing her to cum just yet. When she’s frustrated to the point of tears because he could be so cruel and dominating when he wanted to be. She still repeats a series of thank you’s as she comes down from her orgasm. Too blissed and utterly fucked out to form any other words. “For you to let me suck you off.”

The statement is so simple and abrupt that it surprises Niall. His eyebrows shoot toward his hairline and he’s becoming almost painfully hard now. After that, he is quick to peel his only item of clothing off and step into the shower. The water alone could have him close to his own orgasm because it feels so damn good against his sunburnt skin. He can feel the heat radiate from his shoulders as he steps closer to Y/N, effectively putting them both beneath the large shower head.

Y/N glances up at him before trailing her eyes down to where the head of Niall’s cock is tinged pink and a light shade of purple. She bites her lip at the sight of him, eager to get her hands and mouth on him. So, she tears her eyes away to lock her gaze with him once again. He’s smirking at her when she does and takes a step closer until she can feel him pressing into her tummy. She isn’t sure if it’s the precum that has dribbled out of the slightly exposed tip or the moisture that has trapezed down both of their bodies to join together. It only takes a moment after that, that she is lowering herself to the ground. The tiles feel cool and hard against her knees, but she doesn’t mind. Not when she is eye level to Niall’s cock. From here, she can see the vein that travels up the side of it and just how much precum as bubbled up at the head. She looks up at Niall with a question and desperate look in her eyes. The doe-eyed expression makes her look too innocent to be doing such a thing, but it only excites Niall more. Especially knowing that she is more than capable of taking him in until he’s bottoming out and she’s gagging around him. “Go ahead.” Niall nods alongside his affirmation.

Y/N relinquishes her lip from the space between her teeth before parting them. He notices that it is plump and slick before it’s gone from his vision as she wraps her lips around him. His head falls back and his jaw slackens as she swirls her tongue over the tip before taking more of him into her mouth. Her small hand makes up for what her mouth can’t currently cover. And between her mouth on him and how her hand glides so easily across him, Niall can’t help but to let out a long fuck.

His eyes have fallen shut, so Y/N takes it as an opportunity to peek up at him from behind her lashes. And she’s glad she does because Niall looks like an absolute dream above her. Chocolate brown hair matted to his forehead, lashes just barely touching the apples of his cheeks, and body glistening with the water that is running down his body. She keeps watching him as she pulls off of him with a wet pop, allowing herself a moment to breathe. Her hand continues to pump up and down his length, twisting her wrist at the tip like she know he likes. He has one fist clenched at his side while his other hand is pressed to the wall beside her. His tongue darts out to lick over his lower lip and his chest has started to rise and fall with his quickening breaths.

With slight reluctance, she tears her gaze away from him. But, the feeling doesn’t stick once her lips are around him and she can feel the heavy weight of him on her tongue. Her hand holds him at the base, this time, as she slowly begins to build up a rhythm. She allows herself time to enjoy the taste of Niall on her tongue. It’s heady and salty, a familiar and somewhat pleasant taste to her. She alternates between self indulgent licks when she needs a moment to breathe and taking all of him until the tip of him touches the spongey back of her throat.

And it’s not long until Niall is ready to cum. The hand at his side is clenching and unclenching as if searching for purchase. Y/N notices it after Niall’s bucking his hips forward slightly, although he’s trying to control himself. And she knows he is teetering off the edge and into oblivion. So, she wraps her fingers around his wrist and brings it to the back of her head before placing them on his hips. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Niall repeats, each reiteration gaining volume. “I’m gonna cum, Y/N. I’m gonna cum.”

Y/N tightens her grip on his hips, keeping him in place as she takes him as deep as she can go. And that’s all Niall needed before he’s painting the back of her throat with his cum. Y/N swallows all of it with ease and pulls off of him. Though, she’s sure to run her tongue along his slit to collect any remaining cum before she glances up at Niall. Who, like her this morning, looks entirely fucked out. And she prides herself with being the reason that he looks as fucked out as he does. It’s from her position on the floor, as she drinks in his form, that she decides Niall doesn’t just look like an absolute dream. Because a dream isn’t accurate enough to describe the vision above her. She thinks fantasy might be a better way to describe him, but she can’t be sure. Because nothing seems accurate enough.