#couldn’t find the original post so I reposted it here

[gremlin-girly]

Kinktober Day 6

Kink: Handjobs

Pairing: Room mate!Steve Rogers x f!Room mate! Reader

Tags/ Warnings: SMUT, room mates to lovers (ig?), listening/watching of porn, JOI porn, smutty audiobook mentioned, descriptions of masturbation (m and f), praise and petnames (good boy, baby, sweetheart), handjob (m recieving), soft!dom!reader X submissive!Steve (the man just needs some taking care of)

Not Beta read (I'll have to edit my mistakes when I have the chance!)

Word Count: 2.9k

Summary: Your roommate forgets to disconnect his Bluetooth headphones from his phone, leading to an embarrassing moment between you both that segues into something more.

As always I do not give permission for my work to be reposted, translated or copied. My warnings are non-exhaustive (even though I do try to capture everything) but please read at your own risk. I am not responsible for your content consumption.

I hope you enjoy; likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated!

Part 1 (you're here) | Part 2

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A/N: And they were roommates...

Originally, I had planned for this to go in a slightly different direction - but prefferred this!

But I have to admit, I do like a good roomates to lovers and have been playing with a few ideas of a Roommate!Steve (and potentially a Roommate!Bucky) so I may have accidentally started a little collection... Sorry for posting late, migraines all day had me conked out, just a double whammy for tonight!- Love, Grem x

You’d fallen into a nice routine since moving in with Steve. He was the perfect roommate, an utter gentleman, and easy on the eyes too. You knew being Captain America was a stressful full time job, and you were surprised to find that behind the stoic, stern symbol of hope was a friendly artist from Brooklyn.

It had taken Steve some time in getting used to you being around. When he went away on his first mission outside of the US , he’d forgotten you now lived with him and had startled you on your way to the bathroom. He’d been so apologetic about it and you'd just laughed. From then on, he’d text you when he was on his way home from a mission and from then on you always made sure there were leftovers in the fridge for him.  

Occasionally you’d spend time together, watching a movie, or idle chit chat as you cooked breakfast for you both. Steve slowly but surely came out of his shell and relaxed around you – and you him – cracking jokes, gently ribbing each other. You didn’t miss the way the tips of his ears burned  when you complimented him or how your heart fluttered when he’d brush past you to throw a dirty mug into the sink. But you were just roommates.

And you were currently a roommate with dead headphones.

“Steve?” you emerged from your room and padded out into the living area, spotting Steve who quickly locked his phone looking at you with wide eyes. You locked an eyebrow as you approached. “You alright?”

“Y-Yeah.” He clears his throat and runs a hand through his hair. “Thought you were in bed.”

You shrug helplessly. “Dead headphones. Could I borrow yours whilst mine charge please? If that’s okay?”

Steve nods and twists to point over at the kitchen counter. “Yeah, sure. They should be over there somewhere.”

You waltz over to the counter and find the headphone case easily, missing how Steve’s eyes follow your figure. You turn back to him and smile, wiggling the case.

“Thanks, lifesaver. Couldn’t miss the next chapter of my book.”   

Steve smiles back  but his expression looks like a mixture of disappointment and relief that you seem to be leaving to head back to your room.  “No worries. Night.”

“Night. Don't stay  up too late, Stevie.” You say as you grasp the handle to your door.  Steve only hums in response and waits for you to be safely shut away in your room before unlocking his phone again.

He runs his hand over his face as he looks down at the videos before him. It wasn’t the first time he visited porn sites, but lately he’d found  the perfect stress relief after a day of being Captain America. He felt the shame trickle down his spine and pushed away the guilty thoughts that plagued him in moments like these. Captain America being told what to do? Having powerful women instruct  him to jerk off, shower him with praise, and tell him when to cum was more than enough for blackmail, let alone the jokes that Tony would make if the information ever saw the light of day. And you had almost caught him.

Steve shivers, palming his growing erection over his joggers. God, it was worse knowing he liked you almost catching him. Would you have flustered? Or would you have complimented his cock with that teasing smile you always seem to wear? 

Steve curses under his breath at the thought, cock twitching. He shakes his head to try and rid himself of the thought but it sticks, and he scrolls through the myriad of videos until he finds a promising one. With one final cautionary glance at your door, he shuffles his joggers and boxers down to take out his hardening cock. He only needs the volume low thanks to super soldier hearing and you’d either be fast asleep or listening to whatever audio book you were listening to this month to hear what has about to happen. Steve makes himself comfortable again the sofa pillows, leaning into them and pumping his cock a few times thinking about how good you must look right now cuddled under the covers in those tight pyjama shorts. Before he gets lots in the daydream, he hits play on the video, continuing to stroke himself but slowly now; awaiting his instructions. After a moment there’s still no sound. Steve clicks the buttons to up the volume, continuing slow ministrations and thinking of you.

Before Steve had pressed play, you had been lying in bed with the headphones in, debating whether or not you would go to hell for using your hot roommate Bluetooth headphones to listen to smut. Your body flushed at the thought but... you needed an extra helping hand before bed tonight since you’d had a particularly stressful day too. Steve didn’t need to know.

When the audio kicked in, you thought you had accidentally hit play, and allowed yourself to be subjected to your fate. You heaved a contented, almost smug sigh, eyes fluttering closed as you  reached down under the band of your pyjama shorts. The narrator’s voice sounded different somehow. Maybe they’d changed actors? Then she started giving instructions. Your frown with your eyes closed, fingers finding your clit but not moving. It isn’t until you hear the words “good boy” being uttered that your eyes fly open in horror.

Steve’s headphones are still connected to his phone.

Steve is watching porn.

Steve doesn’t know you can hear it.

Your face burns red with embarrassment and you scramble to get the earphones out of your ears. Even though you shouldn’t, you feel heat pool between your legs. You should tell him. He hasn’t realised. But would it be weird? If you disconnect the headphones he might suspect it but if you text him it’d be worse. And God forbid you see what he’s doing in the living room.

Your fingers hover over the Bluetooth icon on your phone. Your imagination is running wild and now you really don’t think you need your smutty little audiobook anymore.

The volume gets turned up on the headphones again and you can hear the woman continue talking  through instructions in a sultry voice.  You panic, blushing furiously, and rip the covers away from you. You trip out of bed, grasping at the headphones and call out.

“STEVE!”

Big mistake.

You balk. Why did you call for him? You hide your head under your hands as you hear Steve scramble in the living room, cursing as he knocks a foot against the coffee table. He bursts into your room, face flushed, and sees you lying on the floor. You don’t look up. You can’t meet his eyes.

Steve opens his mouth to ask if you’re alright, you look like you’ve fallen out of bed, but as he does he hears it. In the blind panic to help you, he forgot to hit pause. The sounds from the video echoing from the headphones in your grasp. Red creeps up Steve’s neck and face and he stammers. This was a nightmare.

“ohmygod,” he breathes out, hiding his face. “Oh- Y/N – God- How long were you-?” He stops himself clearly even more flustered by the fact you may have (totally) been listening.

You remember you still exist and your head snaps up, equally as red as Steve’s, meeting his glimmering blue eyes with an apologetic look.

“I thought it was mine.” You clarify, and Steve looks like he might pass out.

“What do you mean yours?”

“I... thought it was my audiobook.” Your voice grows quieter at your admission and you give Steve a sheepish look. You both stare at each other for an age; each wrapping your head’s around the new information you’d discovered about each other, and trying to come to terms with the tension that was now entirely palpable between you.

You were the first to speak, lips twitching into a smirk slightly. “So.... do we want to talk about this?”

The smirk made Steve’s cock twitch. There it was, the same teasing smirk you always gave him. He had been so close to cumming when you’d called out for him, and the embarrassment that followed ruined the high, but at least he’d have material to work with when he went back to his bed.

Steve held up his hands and found himself smiling nervously down at you. “No thanks, I think I’ll pass.”

“That’s it, good boy.”

You have to bite back a laugh as the woman’s voice erupts from the headphones in your hand. Steve looks like he wants the ground to swallow him.

“She’s really going for it,” you comment, trying to break the ice. Steve starts to grin but he groans. You’d heard him sigh and groan before, and it never ceased to make you hot and bothered. “I see why you like it so much.”

“Please don’t.” Steve chuckles softly. “My old heart can’t take it. I’m sorry I forgot to disconnect them.”

“S’all good.”  You clamber to your feet and hold out his headphones to him, Immediately  wiping your sweaty palms onto your pyjama shorts. “And for what it’s worth, totally normal. Don’t be too embarrassed.”

“Hrm,” Steve grumbles, looking at the headphones in his large palm. When his gaze shifts back to you, he’s smirking slightly with a raised eyebrow. “And you thought this was your...?” He can’t quite get himself to say the word porn, but you roll your eyes playfully at him.

“My porn audiobook – yes.” Your eyes narrow teasingly at him. “But I’ll only share it with you if you’re a good boy.”

Steve’s body goes rigid,  and your expression softens. “Sorry. Too soon to joke about it?”

Steve’s looking down at you, pupils blown wide, trying to learn how to breathe again and hide the fact that his cock is rock hard between you. He shakes his head gently and clears his throat.

“N-no. It’s fine.” Steve huffs, eyes still fixated on you. Heat unfurls between your thighs under his gaze.

“Steve?” Your voice is so quiet it’s barely audible. Your heart beats in your ears and you watch Steve’s Adam's apple bob as he swallows thickly.

“yeah?” his voice is hoarse, bordering on desperate.

“Do you want me to call you a good boy?” You murmur. You watch as his eyes flutter and he bites down on his plush lip, suppressing a throaty sound that you’re sure sounds like a strangled whimper that makes your pussy throb with excitement. “It’s okay. You can say it. I don’t mind.”

“Fuck.” Steve curses, half turning away from you. When he turns, you can see the tent in his joggers and you almost swoon at the sight. “We shouldn’t-“

“Not what I asked, Stevie.” You say firmly. Steve’s eyes betray his thoughts and he only nods. You offer him your hand with a soft smile. “You’re okay – I’ve got you.”

The reassurance seems to be what he needs because the super soldier allows you to lead him to your bed. You let him sit down first and you stand between his muscular thighs. He’s still almost as tall as you sitting down, but you’re just that little bit taller like this to cup his face and tilt it up towards you to capture his lips in a sweet kiss. Steve breathes hard through his nose, his eyes close, and his shoulders slowly sag as you kiss. His big hands ghost over your thighs to settle on your hips. When you pull away to take a breath, you smile down at him, still cupping his soft clean shaven face.

“Good boy,” Your murmur against his lips and Steve audibly sighs in delight. “Now, undress and lay back for me. I wanna take care of you.”

You don’t need to tell him twice. His shirt is the first thing to go, tossed to the floor somewhere. Your eyes rake down his chest and your hands follow tracing the outlines of his taut muscles. He shivers underneath your touch and his breathing hitches when you reach the waistband of his joggers. There's barely anything left to the imagination with Steve's length straining against the thing fabric and you watch as Steve's blue eyes look up at you one last time; searching yours in case you want to back out. Before the point of no return.

He obeys, quietly shuffling back. His breathing is deep and laboured, his eyes never leave you as you kneel between his legs on your bed. You're hot all over - you dreamed of having him in your bed but now that he was here you almost felt self-conscious. But you had meant what you said when you told him you wanted to take care of him. Gently wrapping your fingers around his cock, the heat and hardness of the smooth skin making your mouth water, you pump a few times to adjust your grip. Steve lets out a breathy sigh but watches closely.

You swallow and nod at him, urging him with a barely audible "Go on," as encouragement. When Steve's cock is free, you lick your lips subconsciously at the sight. Big was an understatement and there's a dribble of pre-cum leaking from the tip already. You can feel Steve watching you, patiently waiting instruction, and your eyes meet his again.

"Further back onto the bed, Stevie."

You set a steady rhythm, Steve's breath hitching as you pump his weeping cock and shower him with praises making his head fall back into your pillows with muffled moans. As sexy as it was watching Steve try to suppress his moans by biting his (ridiculously) soft lips, you were desperate to hear them. Especially if, after tonight, things became... awkward at best.

"Don't keep those pretty sounds from me," You coo lasciviously at him, letting a blob of spit slowly roll from your tongue and drip onto the tip of his cock. The gasp Steve emits makes his whole body jerk, and heat rushes to his face. His cock twitches as you pump him harder, faster and now slicker, smirking up at him with that devilish grin he sees every night before he closes his eyes.

"Oh, fuuuuck." Steve moans loudly, and you chuckle; pleased he listened and pleased by how his eyes roll back and how he can't seem to stop his hips jerking.

"You were such a good boy Stevie but you should have said something. And let me take care of you." Your voice is low and seductive, you barely recognise it's you who's speaking. It's not often you get to be like this and your brain (or another organ entirely) is speaking without thinking.

"That's it baby, be nice and loud for me."

Steve huffs, brows furrowing softly trying to focus himself; which only spurs you on more. You grip his cock a little harder, expertly gliding your hand up and down.

"You like thinking about this when you're alone, Stevie? When I've been across the hall this entire time?"

"Shit, yes - oh." Steve groans again, cock twitching in your palm. You feel a sense of pride, and a flutter of something you dare not mention, at the confession. You're glad it's not just one-sided attraction, at the very least.

"Mm, I should have." Steve hums, breathing becoming heavier and heavier by the second. You are relentless, pumping him with the occasional trail of drool, and unabashed praises of him just to watch him squirm under your touch.

"Your cock is so pretty Stevie," Your murmur to him, watching his sac tighten as you fist his cock faster. "I can't wait to taste it."

Both the comment itself and the very thought of having your lips around his cock, make Steve cum so hard his vision blurs for a few seconds. His face and neck are flushed and he's coated in his own cum, panting hard with his eyes closed. You smile at the sight, committing it to memory before any guilt or shame sets in. You stealthily move over him to your bedside table to grab some wet wipes. Steve barely moves at the shift on the bed, but his eyes peek over to you and you gently smile down at him. You pull a wet-wipe free and hand it to him, unsure how he'd react to you cleaning him up.

"You okay, sweetheart?" You ask softly, sitting against the edge of the bed as Steve graciously takes the wipe from you. His face his bright red still and you start feeling the nibbles of guilt at the edges of your mind. You had both been willing and horny... but perhaps jeopardising your friendship to make Captain America cum wasn't the smartest idea.

"Mm." Steve clears his throat, still avoiding eye contact, and takes another wet-wipe. You fight the urge to make a joke about the super-soldier amount of cum. Not now.

"Hey," You reach out to touch his shoulder but stop when Steve looks over at you with his baby blues still blown wide. "This doesn't have to change anything if you don't want it to. We can pretend this never happened."

You shuffle awkwardly on the edge of your bed, grasping your hands in your lap. "But I... liked it. And I wouldn't mind if you wanted to... spend the night in here."

"I think I'd like that." He mumbles. "And I think I'd like to do it again sometime."

You can't tell if you've crossed the line from reassurance to worry for a moment. The silence drags for what feels like an eternity until Steve's features go from flustered to soft, with that cute smile he does so well.

Now it's your turn to go red. "Good. Great."

Steve chuckles. "But first, since you heard my audio... I think it's fair I heard yours."

[all-about-kyu]

Summary: You were simply the nanny. How you ended up here, you couldn’t explain. Pairing: Seonghwa x fem!reader Tropes: dilf au Genre: smut Rating: R 18+ Warnings: language, age gap Smut Warnings: dirty talk, degradation, impact play, daddy kink, rough sex, unprotected sex Word Count: 435 Note: for the Tarot Card Drabble Event Requested by: @smallfrye​

The Hanged Man ➾ different, distinctive, unforgettable sex

“Look at you, sweetheart.” Seonghwa chuckles from behind you, running his fingers through your arousal, “Who would’ve thought the nanny could be such a filthy whore.”

“Please, just want you that’s all.” you pant trying to push back into his touch.

He cracks his hand down against your ass, making you whimper at the sudden sting, “Who are you talking to like that?”

“Want you so bad, please, Daddy. I’ll be good.” you practically whine.

A chuckle resonates from his lips follows by a sadistic smirk. You have your face buried in the sheets in hopes of maintaining the last threads of sanity you have. That all goes out the window though the moment Seonghwa flips you on your back and pins your arms above your head. The sight of him alone could have you spontaneously orgasm in moments. The small bits of grey that are starting to invade his dark locks make you grow even more desperate for the older man. The way he raises his eyebrow at you, almost challenging you to run your mouth again. He grinds his bare cock against your soaked cunt, groaning at the feeling.

“Seonghwa if you don’t fuck me right now, I swear-”

“You swear what?” he growls, “You think boys your age can fuck you like I can?”

You don’t respond. You turn your head to the side, breaking the eye contact you were previously holding with him. Seonghwa isn’t having that though. He takes his free hand and grabs ahold of your jaw. The eyes you’re met with are even darker than before.

“Answer the damn question.”

“N- no.”

He raises an eyebrow at you.

“No Daddy.” you correct yourself, “Boys my age don’t know how to please me. Only daddy does.”

“There’s my good girl,” he smirks.

Without a warning, he pushes himself into you and starts fucking you at a brutal pace. Eventually, he lets go of your hands, and you immediately let them fly to his shoulders. Your nails claw into his skin hoping to ground yourself again. Seonghwa groans filthy words in your ear which only serve to make the orgasm bubbling up inside you even more intense.

“Daddy, you take such good fucking care of me.” you moan.

He chuckles, “Is that so, darling? You know, it takes a real naughty girl to come to find me to get fucked while my child is napping just a few doors away. I guess you’re just a naughty little thing aren’t you?”

“Y- fuck yes, Daddy.” you moan again.

“I best take care of my naughty brat before you wake them up, hm?”

COPYRIGHT FLOWERBOYKUN 2023© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED — reposting/modifying any fic or piece of original writing posted on this blog is not allowed. Translations are not permitted. 

Networks: @cultofdionysusnet​ @kwritersworld​ @k-vanity​

Tag List: @sanjoongie​ @jaehunnyy​ @ericssmile​ @anyamaris​

[spiritedstars]

Drawing Up the Plans [ Eiris Modern AU ]

Prompt: Modern AU Eris x Iris "celebrate" Valentine's Day. Inspired by this post. I have no other excuses. / Find it all here. Rated: SFW. Brought to you by: Taylor Swift's - I Think He Knows & Gorgeous Author's Note: Happy love month! Here are my morons doing their thing in modern au format. I had fun writing this so I hope you enjoy reading it :) [ Repost of my original one from 2023 with some minor updates ]

tagging: @riorsonxaden /  @climb-the-mountian / @vanserrass / @positivewitch / @animezinglife / @zenkindoflove / @rosewood-cafe / @clockwork-ashes / @carnythian / @secret-third-thing / @runningwiththeoceans / @that-golden-lyre / @thedarkinmansfield / @readychilledwine / @goldenmagnolias / @mali22 / @readthelastpaage / @maidr-00 / @electromagnetic-waves / @eastofatlanta / @moobell55 / @bibliophiliaxvignette / @devilsfoodcake22 / @weesablackbeak / @ladywhilemia / @alohaangels / @feysandfeels / @corcracrow / @dawneternal / @gracie-rosee / @mage-neve / @illyrianvalkyrie / @saint-stella / @carolynmezzosoprano / @rainbowsnowflake / @queenoftheworld1998 / @wolvesnravens / @lalaluch /

Iris watched him with a look of slight disdain on her face as her...whatever he was, sat across from her at their local ice cream shop. Eris was sitting with one leg crossed over the other, an ice cream cone in one hand and his eyes locked on his phone in the other.

Her eyes narrowed slightly as he nonchalantly brought the cone closer to his mouth and licked the creamy sweetness. 

She clenched her fingers around her spoon and scowled. 

It was just ice cream. He was only eating ice cream and yet — Iris clenched her thighs together and her scowl deepened when his traitorous tongue darted out again to take more.

It was obscene. Slightly erotic. But mostly it was obscene and she couldn’t take her eyes off him. 

Iris didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing it was doing something to her. They’d only been orbiting around each other for a few weeks, and she was barely tolerating their interactions. He was so obnoxious and yet despite her many attempts to avoid him, they kept running into each other. The two of them ended up in the same space too often for it to be anything but fate.

She blamed it on how small this town seemed to be. And the fact that he was a rich, attractive man with too much confidence. Iris had moved into town a few months ago and during her first week, stumbled into him at the local bar where he spilled his drink on her. He insisted it was an accident but that hadn’t stopped her from throwing her drink at his face in return.

Needless to say, they treaded very aggressively around each other.

“Is there something wrong, Iris?” he asked and Eris met her gaze with a slight smirk, finally putting his phone away. “You’re awfully quiet.”

“Everything about you is wrong.” she mumbled and her gaze dropped to her own cup of ice cream. Iris had opted for a cup rather than a cone; She didn’t exactly trust what would come out of his mouth if she licked an ice cream cone in front of him. 

She twirled the spoon in the sweetness as Eris chuckled then made the mistake of looking up to watch him as he once more, slowly, took another lick of his ice cream with a raised brow. 

“You seem to have quite a problem with me and yet, here you are.”

“You asked me to meet you here, asshole.” she snapped and the corner of his wicked mouth lifted.

“Wound up a little tight today, are we?” he asked and had the audacity to smile as his tongue slowly lapped more ice cream.

Her lips curled in disdain once more as he smirked his way through another lick and Iris closed her eyes with a deep sigh. “What the hell do you want, Eris?”

“Are you not enjoying our date?”

Iris’s eyes shot open and both brows went up. “Date?”

“Yes.”

“You think this is a date?” she asked flatly.

“You think this isn’t?”

“When the hell did you ask me out on a date?” she asked with an incredulous laugh. “When did you dream that I said yes?”

Eris had the nerve to chuckle once more. “I asked you out to share some ice cream. On Valentine’s Day. Here we are. Date.”

Iris squinted then her gaze flickered around the shop and it hit her how blind she’d been; it was decorated with red and pink hearts everywhere. She’d been so annoyed when she walked in to meet him that Iris hadn’t even noticed. How the hell had she missed that it was Valentine’s Day? 

True, she hadn’t really celebrated it in years. But it wasn’t her fault that most of the men she’d tried dating sucked. 

Besides, it was the day after Valentine’s Day that was worth celebrating. All her favorite chocolates were on sale. 

Finally rolling her eyes at his smirk, she said, “Every time I think you’ve reached your limit of audacity, you surprise me by outrageously exceeding it.”

He smiled once more then took a deliberately slow lick of his ice cream. “I like to keep you on your toes. I think you rather enjoy it.”

“I don’t enjoy anything about you.” she snapped, stabbing at what was left of her ice cream. “I don’t even like you.” 

He snorted. “Sure. You definitely want to fuck me though. I bet you’ll like me a lot more then.” he said smoothly. 

Iris’s brows shot up and she let out a huff of laughter in disbelief, her grip tightening around her spoon. “You are one cocky motherfucker. Especially when this is your idea of a Valentine’s Day date,” she huffed. “A date I definitely did not agree to.”

“Don’t worry, I absolutely want to fuck you too,” he said, raising his ice cream to toast her. “In fact, I insist.”

Iris willed her face not to flush, for her body not to betray her by reacting to his words. In the midst of all their unfortunate meets and bickering, had she thought about what it would be like to fuck him? Sure. Would she ever admit it? Definitely not.  

“You’re unbelievable,” she said with a shake of her head. “How has no one in this town choked the life out of you yet?”

“It’s because I’m pretty.” he said with a smirk. “And very, very rich.”

“And so humble.”

“Exactly,” he said with a wink then straightened. “In all seriousness, when are we going to make this official between us?”

Iris rolled her eyes. “What, exactly, is there to make official?”

“You and me, little gazelle,” Eris replied with a knowing look. “Let’s not pretend this dance is anything but foreplay. Say yes and I’ll show you exactly the kind of dates I take a woman on.”

“Ah yes, the recycled list of dates you’ve used on all the women you go through?” she said with a snort. “Pass.”

“The kind of dates I only plan for one type of woman,” he said and the corner of his mouth ticked up in a way that made her toes curl. “And I’ve only ever met one of you.”

Iris watched him in silence, taking a moment to think of an appropriate response. He really was unbelievable. Obnoxious. Uppity. An ass most of the time. But…she had to admit, there was something that drew them to each other. Like an invisible string dragging them down the same path. 

She’d resisted at every corner. And yet…gym? Eris had been there. Cafe? He had been there. The park while on her morning walks? He’d somehow been there. If it weren’t for the look of genuine surprise on his face every time, she’d think he’d been stalking her. 

But then they also ended up at the same social events. Town meetings. Fundraisers. Parties. They’d had a…moment at the last gathering that replayed in Iris’s mind for longer than she would’ve liked. She’d deny it to her last breath but Lucien and Elain had witnessed it and though Iris loved having them as friends, she knew they were way too excited about whatever this was between her and Eris to let it go.

Iris placed her spoon in her ice cream cup and then leaned back in her chair, watching him curiously. 

“Eris.”

“Yes?” 

“What do you want from me?”

He gave her a small smile she hadn’t seen on his face before, one that softened his features and it made her instantly look away. “I simply want us to spend time together.” 

“Why?”

Eris shrugged. “You feel it. You know why,” he said. “I want to see where it goes.”

Irid did feel it. As much as she would’ve liked to deny the chemistry between them, it was hard to pretend nothing was there when seeing him automatically made her pulse start racing. She hated it. But she also wanted to see where it would go.

She pursed her lips and waited a heartbeat before answering, “Fine. On two conditions.”

He took another obscene lick of his ice cream and waved a hand for her to continue. She tried not to squirm.

“One, physical contact will be limited to what I am comfortable with and sex is completely off the table.” Iris said firmly. “My body isn’t a prize you earn. We will simply see if we have a good time.”

“Agreed,” he said graciously. “My body, however, is absolutely available should you feel the need to explore it. I will humbly oblige.”

Iris rolled her eyes for what felt like the millionth time. “I’m not interested in going on dates with an egotistical ass who just wants to show off his money.” she said with a pointed look. “Don’t waste my time if you aren’t actually serious about this.”

“I am very serious.” he said and frowned. “You think I enjoy feeling this way about anyone?”

Iris felt her heart flutter at the look he gave her. If she wasn’t mistaken, his ears had gotten a little red. “And what way is that?”

Eris took a bite from his cone and squinted at her for a moment before answering. “When we’re on our date, I’ll tell you.”

She hummed her agreement and tried not to fidget in her seat at the movement of his mouth. “Either way. If you’re trying to impress me just so I don’t pour more drinks over your head, know that I don’t want flashy, I want real.” she said firmly. “You need to earn my trust.” 

Eris watched her silently for a heartbeat then the corner of his mouth ticked up. “Okay.”

“And we tell no one.”

“Embarrassed to be seen with me?”

“Of course.” she said with a snort and Eris had the nerve to laugh softly. “Besides, I like privacy. People in this town are always in each other’s business. I know way too much about people’s bedroom habits.”

“Nesta and Cassian?” he asked with a snicker.

“Yes. Holy shit, do they have stamina.” Iris muttered, causing Eris to grin.

“They aren’t the only ones with stamina like that.” he said, nearly purring and Iris shot him a murderous look.

“Don’t.”

He held up a hand in mock surrender. “And your second condition?” he said then took another lick of his ice cream.

And this time Iris had finally had enough. She leaned over and yanked his cone from his hands, dropping it into her bowl. “You aren’t allowed to eat ice cream in front of me ever again.” 

Eris blinked then burst out laughing. “Why?” he said incredulously. “I thought the choice of strawberry ice cream suited our date theme.”

“We’re not on a date,” she said flatly. “And the way you eat ice cream is obscene and you should be fined for public indecency.”

Iris watched him laugh again and hated how it made her pulse race faster. Eris lit up when he laughed. It made him more youthful, and at ease, versus his usual expression that made a person want to punch him in the face.

“Ah.” he finally said with a smirk that Iris didn’t trust one bit. “I see you caught on to my tactic.”

Iris narrowed her eyes, willing herself not to flush. “And what tactic is that?” she asked, already regretting the question as his expression.

“I wanted to make sure you knew that ice cream wasn’t the only thing I could eat obscenely,” Eris said, his voice dropping low and Iris felt her body heating. “I hope my display was to your liking.”

This motherfucker. Iris took a breath and closed her eyes, slowly counting to ten before opening her eyes again to find Eris still smirking obnoxiously at her from across the table. Had she been paying extra attention to the way he ate his stupid ice cream? Yes. Would she ever admit it? No. 

Jerking her chin towards her bowl of ruined dessert. “Do you want me to dump it on your head or do you want to do it yourself?”

“I’d rather you watched me eat it again.” 

“I’d rather you choked.”

Eris chuckled and the sound made goosebumps erupt on her flesh as he stood. She watched him wipe his hands with a napkin on the table and then adjust his dress shirt, his eyes never leaving her face. Tossing the napkin into her melting bowl of dessert, Eris placed a hand on the back of her chair, his other balanced on the table, and leaned in close. 

“I’d be more inclined to believe you if you weren’t devouring me with your eyes, sweetheart.” he whispered and Iris scowled with a flush. Eris paused for a breath as she turned her head to look at him and the two watched each other silently, the world suddenly silent around them.

She wondered if his heart was beating as wildly as hers. If he could see her pulse racing.

Almost as if in a trance, Eris couldn’t help but lean in to gently kiss her cheek, before meeting her gaze again. “I had fun on our date.” he murmured.

“Not a date.” she whispered but Eris only hummed.

“Agree to disagree,” he said with a slight smile. “I knew you’d be my Valentine the moment you poured that drink on me months ago.”

Her face heated. She would not think about what that meant. “I doubt you expected your Valentine to want to choke you out.”

“Oh, I absolutely would want my valentine to choke me out. You can choke me all you want on our next date.” Eris said and finally pulled back with a wink, sliding a small gift bag she hadn’t even noticed across the table to her. “This was bought prior to your conditions so our agreement still stands.”

Iris blinked and gazed up at him. “You…bought me a gift?”

“Of course. I’m not one to show up to a date empty-handed.” Eris said with a pointed look.

“It’s not a date.” she repeated but knew, this time, her refusal sounded weak enough that Eris chuckled.

“You look adorable when you’re in denial.” he cooed and couldn’t help his grin as Iris scowled up at him, running a finger down her cheek before stepping back. “I’ll pick you up at 6, Friday evening. Wear something that’ll rip my poor heart out, little valentine.” 

Iris sat in the silence that followed his smug exit, stunned at the turn of events and how fast her heart was beating. She wasn’t sure what exactly she had agreed to with Eris but felt dazed. Excited. Turned on. Slightly annoyed.

Most importantly, she needed to go shopping. 

Iris would not think about the kiss on her cheek. Or about his promises. She certainly would not think about his tongue and what that stupid mouth of his could do. 

She would only think about finding a dress that would give him the bluest of balls possible. 

Her eyes fell on the gift bag again and Iris slowly pulled it closer to peek in. A note sat atop the tissue paper, hiding whatever it was that he’d gotten her. Biting the inside of her cheek, Iris pulled out the note, trying not to think about her mixed emotions having Eris of all people getting her a Valentine’s Day gift. She opened it and read,

Happy Valentine’s Day, little gazelle. Use it and think of me. Know I could do it better.

But here’s my number so you can tell me all about how you like it. 

Iris flushed deeply and immediately eyed the bag again. “Oh god.” she whispered. Those words could mean anything but knowing Eris – knowing the way he thinks…He wouldn’t. Would he?

She could practically see his stupid face and stupid smirk in front of her and with a scowl, Iris reached for the bag again, slowly removing the gift tissue to peek beneath it at the gift. A small groan slipped from her mouth and she immediately covered it again. 

Of course, he would. 

Of course, Eris Vanserra would think a vibrator would be an appropriate gift for someone he had barely been on a date with. An expensive one at that. 

He was outrageous. Outrageous. She didn’t know whether to be flattered or freaked out that he was thinking about her pleasure. How many guys thought about a gift like this? How many guys were this fucken bold? 

Then again, every interaction with this man only proved him persistent. 

“I knew you’d be my Valentine the moment you poured that drink on me months ago.”

The words replayed in her mind and Iris pursed her lips, glancing down at the bag once more, amusement seeping through the disbelief. Eris hadn’t hesitated from the moment he met her and Iris had to admit, though his methods weren’t great — it, unfortunately, made him come off as very attractive. 

Groaning quietly to herself, Iris shoved the note back into the bag and then sighed, knowing whatever resistance she had been building against him would disappear as soon as she tested out this gift of his. The asshole knew exactly what he was doing. 

And Iris had to give credit where credit was due — she always did like a man with a plan.

[hplonesomeart]

Oh boy—this might start up some drama in the community but hopefully not??

It’s not my intention to dump accusations and throw knives. I’m only going to be sharing the evidence and facts compiled so far regarding the actions of a channel known as Mr. Puzzles/Puzzle00Vision. Nothing outright egregious, but it’s still worth discussing and shedding light on because a LOT of small creators have been screwed over.

It’s no secret that majority of the content on Puzzle00Vision’s YouTube comes from re-uploads. Reuploads in itself aren’t inherently bad. My main gripe with the channel is the lack of consistent credit for the original source, and not even asking for permission before reposting other animators hard work. Allegedly, the channel has also been deliberately deleting comments calling them out/asking to be given proper credit.

Yes I’m going to be using a lot of screenshot evidence for this btw. Here is a look at the channel right now. As you’ll notice, there’s a Christmas themed Puzzle animation that way uploaded on December 25th this year. If you look at the video description the original animator is credited as DarkFoxy29. HOWEVER DarkFoxy29 tried to leave a comment on the video complaining that they never wanted reuploads and weren’t even credited at first; they never gave permission to Puzzle00Vision. I say “tried” to leave a comment because if you go to the video currently….the comment is hidden. Or deleted. Only reason I know it existed in the first place was because I got there early while it still was visible. I could see it in the preview but couldn’t click on it or find it regularly. Which is a little odd don’t you think?

Below is a screenshot highlighting the hidden comment, publication date of the reuploaded video, and original animator credit listed:

Seeing the ghost comment peaked my curiosity, so I went to DarkFoxy29’s Instagram to investigate further. Turns out they published the animation several days beforehand and were openly opposed to the content theft. The animation only received 11 likes on Instagram in comparison to the 95 Puzzle00Vision got. Call me crazy but I think it would have been basic human decency if Puzzle00Vision had bothered to ask DarkFoxy29 BEFORE ripping the video from them?? I had asked DarkFoxy29 if it was okay for me to share this information on Tumblr. So that’s what I’m doing right now for their sake. Here is the link to watch DarkFoxy29’s animation on Instagram…please please show it support and love instead of the Puzzle00Vision one.

Click animation link here

And now I’m going to get into listing the several other instances of this happening….so click past “readmore” if you want the full details

Oh how funny would you look at that? This Puzzle00Vision reupload doesn’t even bother to give credit to Blen_dy’s Studio in the description. And yet it received so much more attention and a whopping 1,881 extra liked compared to the original that was posted a whole MONTH before.

Or what about this one? Apparently before I commented on the video ZorranTach wasn’t even AWARE that an animation reupload existed. Further proof that Puzzle00Vision didn’t ask permission from artists:

Hmm starting to think that excusing this as pure coincidence may be a little too generous. This last example though….man this just hurts to watch. How are you going to blatantly rip off a small creator so shamelessly. Not cool man :/

Admittedly this doesn’t come as a shock to me. I started noticing this pattern when Puzzle00Vision reuploaded a clip from tye774’s TikTok showcasing progress on the Mr. Puzzles “Insane” animation. Lo and behold I tried to leave a comment expressing concern about the lack of credit….I was smart enough to take screenshots back in October of my comment being visibly published. However it was untraceable when I tried to look for it a few moments later. You can say it was just a bug in the YouTube system or accuse that I purposefully deleted it to make up false proof. I don’t really care if you believe me or not. I’m just here to share this information—you can come to whatever conclusions you want about it.

I don’t really know if there’s a clear cut solution to any of this unfortunately? Not much else can be done besides trying to holding Puzzle00Vision accountable for content theft. In an ideal peaceful situation to resolve it, Puzzle00Vision would get better at giving credit for each artist and ASKING before reuploading. However this is the most I can mange to do to help with the situation. Spreading awareness and asking you to support the original creators directly rather then relying on these cheap reuploads. Reuploads are worse visual quality anyways. Check out the channels of the people who ACTUALLY animated please and spread this post if you wanna :P

[lieran03]

Universe

Love and Deepspace Fanfic

It doesn't matter how many universe he will go. Xavier will search for her, Xavier would search the whole universe. Just so he could meet her again.

Xavier will fnd her.

Because that's love.

His love.

Song inspiration: Universe - EXO Genre: angst Pairing: Xavier x fem!reader (the character has no name called) Words: 4.2k Warning: I added a scene from Xavier's anecdotes, beware of spoiler! Originally posted on AO3: HERE!

I have a writing commission open, check it out if you're interested! Info is HERE~ [repost are very appreciated]

ENJOY~!

Xavier was a possessive man.

He didn’t care if others called him sweet, or if someone said he was so dreamy, even Xavier himself wanted to prove that he was possessive. He is possessive towards the person he really loves, which is only one. There was only one person he would always act possessive with. Yet, whenever he was with that person, all acts suddenly became sweet. For her, all he did was take care of her within his mysteries.

Is possessing over someone always called love? Or when loving someone makes it right to be possessive towards them? Xavier could never find the answer. He gives up to find the answer to those questions he never really knows why pops out. When he saw that little girl, hugging the stuffed bunny toy in her little arms, does it even matter? Or is it even right to be greedy over a person who would never remember him at all?

“You’re an amazing Hunter! I wish one day I could be your partner and defeat the Wanderer together! We will be the best partner out there!”

“No one is fit to be my partner,” Xavier would say, his tone was aggressive, while his stare from the back of his mask resembled a deep glare.

The little girl couldn’t help but feel scared of him. Was it wrong to dream about being a Hunter? Was it wrong for her to wish to have a partner as amazing as Xavier? Like Lumiere. As Xavier watches the girl’s expression change, his heart becomes heavy. He shouldn’t have become too rough, he shouldn’t have said things like that. After all, in another universe ….

“I don’t even think someone like you will able to be a Hunter. You’re too fragile and you wouldn’t be able to hold a gun. Besides that ….” Xavier stares longer at the girl, looking at how she wanted to cry already. “You have a weak heart.”

Opposed to what Xavier felt, to what his heart told him to do—saying encouraging words—Xavier could only let out hurtful words, he could only wound the girl’s heart. But what if, she never becomes a Hunter? Then, she probably would be safe from anything, she wouldn’t be in danger all the time. Xavier thought, maybe his hurtful words would able to make her back down, to let her live longer.

“I always need to search for you, Xavier! How many times do I have to say? Please pick up your phone! I thought you were dead, you know?”

“I was asleep,” Xavier answered lazily. Though the woman who walked closer to him was fuming, he only rubbed his eyes, trying to chase away the sleep from his mind.

“I know!” Once the woman was right in front of him, she was grumbling to herself before continue her words. “What was I expecting? Of course, you were asleep, and for the first time I thought you would remember our promise.”

It wasn’t his.

Or was that really him? His mind felt foggy, but it wasn’t from the drowsiness inside of him. He no longer have the ability to differentiate a lot of things. he no longer remembers what timeline he was in. All Xavier could remember was the girl, the woman he loved, the person who had opened his heart. The one who knocked on the door and never give up until it opened. Where was she now? Is she really the one standing in front of him?

Still couldn’t catch what was really happening, it felt like he was floating—he was in his dream to live a lovely life with the person he cherished the most—he listened to the woman’s words. She was emphasizing how Xavier should have accompanied her to the hospital for the regular check-up of her heart, she reminded how he had already promised to be there when she got her shot, holding her hand when she was scurrying away from the needle.

The words thrown at him left him thinking a lot. He has done a lot of things that aren’t respectable, something that he couldn’t say he was proud of. At this point, does he even deserve the love he was chasing? Does he even deserve to be partnered with the person he loves so much? From place to place, from one to another, he only did the wrong things, he always took the thorny road.

Though he wanted to cherish the girl he loved, he could only spit the hurtful and painful words toward her. Though he already had her now, he only troubled her, he only created more problems for her and made her struggle in this timeline too. Xavier stares at the girl’s face, reading her expression. She looks cute with her cheeks puffed, but he can’t deny the fact he was the reason she was feeling this way. It wasn’t something cute, not from her perspective.

“Don’t think about it. Let’s get ready now, we will be late for the appointment. I already told my doctor that I was on my way.”

“You still wanted to go with me?” It might be a dumb question, but at least Xavier did think like that. “Even when I made you struggle like this?”

A confused look can be seen on the woman’s face, yet she still answers, “Well, yeah. It was a burden to always wake you up. You’re like an old man who needs your sleep, by the way. But, regardless of anything, I still love you and choose you, right? That’s what matters to me. So, now get up and accompany me to the hospital. Pretty please?” At the end of her words, she was looking at Xavier with a puppy look, hoping it would made him say an okay.

Even without her doing it, he already knows the answer.

Xavier will always be by her side no matter what.

It’s not the look she gave him, neither the words chosen by her to explain their situation and relationship. It was the fact that she didn’t shy away or hesitate to say the words love and choose. He always chose her, no matter where or when, he always chose her and only her, he always loved her, and the only person he could put his love into. He even didn’t wish to be loved back. But how nice it could be to get the love back?

How nice it is for Xavier to finally have the person he was longing for?

Nonetheless, he still didn’t do enough. He put in a lot of determination, he put a lot of thought and effort into the things he has done all this time. But, unlike the determination inside of him, despite the things he has done so everything would be perfect just the way he wanted, nothing’s getting better. Not his life, not his relationship, not his future with the person he wanted to be for the rest of his life.

“Am I the only girl you ever talk to?” You are, even in another universe, even in another place. “Sometimes it creeps me up how well you know me. It’s okay for me to feel this way, right?”

“I’m just good at reading people,” Xavier answered, trying to act nonchalant. She didn’t remember, she couldn’t.

“Even if you could read people well, sometimes you couldn’t understand their feelings. Reading people based off their face and action are different from knowing them deeply inside, right? I think you need to polish that too. Sometimes, a person can be bothered with what you do.”

Xavier didn’t give an answer to the girl’s words, he didn’t know the way to make it like he was trying to process everything. He knows everything already. Once again, he disappoints her.

“You’re not giving me any news about yourself, you keep everything to yourself, and you didn’t trust me enough. Are we even friends? I wonder a lot of times too, Xavier. Is it that you didn’t trust me, or is it just me not competent enough in your eyes? Have I always disappointed you all this time?”

She’s not.

He is.

It seems like his effort didn’t work, it seems like he didn’t try hard enough. Looking at it, now he regrets everything. it’s not a matter of determination or how serious he is with everything. Xavier should have put his soul and his earnestness in it. Xavier should have not taken everything for granted upon knowing what was in another universe. The moment he realized everything, it was too late for him, leaving him with regret.

“I regret everything too,” Xavier said while watching as the girl walked away from him.

Maybe it was the time for Xavier to forget about her, maybe it was time for him to stop everything that he did all this time. He should stop traveling from one universe to another just to find her. He should start to learn about forgetting the person he loves so much. Besides that, Xavier knew that time wouldn’t be enough anymore. The time that keeps on ticking reminds him about when he should stop.

Xavier might remind himself again and again, about what he needs to do and what he should not do. However, his whole body just refuses to listen to himself. He didn’t think that he could forget the person he had cherished all this time, the one that he put his resolve to. She was the one and only one in his whole life. There’s no other else than her that would take the place in his heart.

Without a doubt, the seasons started to change slowly, and the loneliness inside of him grew once again. The wind started to get cold, and all Xavier could think of was the girl he longing for. How long has it been for him to meet her? How long has it been for him to distance himself so he wouldn’t be greedy and possessive over her? Within the cold breeze, Xavier thinks back to one moment. He wanted to go back to that time even though it killed him inside.

There she was, watching the sky alone with thin clothing. Though the wind was biting to her bone, she still sat there alone and didn’t think much. Slowly but surely, her head turn towards him, looking straight at him. There was a hint of loneliness, there was also a look of desperation, there was also a look of crying for help, but one that was prominent was the look of hope once she met eyes with Xavier. Slowly but surely, the smile on her lips started to grow.

How much Xavier loves that smile so that he wants to protect it in every universe.

His feet moved by themselves, getting closer and closer to the girl that also ran for him. They were meant to be, they were fated to be together, but why the longer he ran, the farther she felt? Even though she was now right in front of him, she still felt so far away from him. When both of her weak hands wrapped around his shoulder, it felt like she was no longer in his arms. Why does she feel so far away from him?

“You’re finally here,” she said, letting out a fog from her chapped lips. She looked pale, she was sick, and he couldn’t even save her from the pain she was in. The cold body that wrapped around him can be affected by two things, either the changing season and the fact it was night, or because her soul slowly ripped from her body.

“I’m here for you.”

Xavier thought at least the words he wanted to say were declared clearly, he wanted the girl to listen to what his heart was speaking. His arms were full, filled with the weak girl in his embrace. Though she looks hazarded, she still looks up and smiles at Xavier, wanting to comfort him, telling him that everything is all right. She was okay.

On that cold night, when they try to share their remaining warmth, in the night where their breaths touch, and smoke starts to come out from their mouth because of the biting air, they were trying to keep each other warm, they were holding each other close so they won’t have to be separated. They know the universe will try its best to break them, but they wish for their bond to keep overlapping each other.

For them to be in every universe the other was.

“You promised we would watch the meteor shower again.”

“We have our own destinies …. Some things can’t be forced ….” Xavier felt the girl he loves reach out and poke the corner of his mouth. “Don’t be sad. I’ve been very happy this past month.”

It should be him, it should have been Xavier who cried. Instead of him, the dying girl in front of him started to cry, the tears began to fall as she finished speaking. Xavier wipes them away, trying to chase away the sadness in her heart. They were at the most breathtaking place, a mirror-like salt flat that connects heaven and earth, making the sky seem so boundless.

“No matter what happens, I’ll be by your side. And no matter how long you rest, I’ll wait for you.” The girl finally leaned on Xavier’s shoulder, dreaming about her future, about what if she didn’t have the disease.

“It’s a shame … there are no stars tonight.”

“There is one.” Xavier's answer was absolute before he opened his glowing palm. The light suddenly becomes brighter that night.

“I wish to meet you in my next life …. I wonder if that will come true …,” the girl mumbled, head starting to slip from Xavier’s shoulder.

This time, Xavier didn’t give an immediate answer. After a few moments, he finally says, “It will.” Xavier held the cold hand, trying his very hardest to give his warm to her, the soul that was slowly gone. “No matter how many times it takes, no matter where you are … I will find you.”

Xavier dreamed of tomorrow, he wished for the day when he could spend it with her, and he daydreamed with her about what would happen the next day. He was so sure, she was so sure, the two of them were so sure, that their tomorrow, that their next step would shine just like the stars. Their day would be filled with wonder, just like how they watch the meteor show, just like how they put their wish onto the thousand falling stars like a little kid.

He kept his promise. Xavier searches the whole universe until he can find the girl again. He searches from one universe to another, just to find her again, just to be with her like he promised to her. He won’t stop until he can find her again, he doesn’t want to give up before he can fulfill his promise. Others might say he was annoying or dumbstruck with love, but the girl was his only one, his reason for staying alive until now.

From one universe, where he need to watch her with another man, and from another one, where she didn’t even exist. The only thing that kept him sane was the memories of them together, the warmth of her hand the last time he held it. Xavier won’t ever let go, he will keep even the smallest memories he shares with her. Every little interaction they had, every meeting though they didn’t know each other, and every time their eyes met.

Just like the petals that fall on both of their hair, where her gentle hand collected the petals from his hair. Just like how they go to camping in a summer night with the other Hunters and decided to isolated themselves. Just like how they watch a sunset from a train in the fall, where the moment doesn’t last long since the night starts to grow colder. Every moment and every season, the memories was engraved deeply in the seasons they share even though they were in a different universe.

“What are you looking at, Xavier? Is there something on my face?” Her voice sounded so gentle that Xavier couldn’t help but smile. His hand moves to brush the ice cream on the corner of her lips. It did remind him of something. It’s not the past, nor it was a mere memory.

“You eat like a four-year-old.”

“Hey! That’s not true!” The girl’s grumbles left Xavier chuckling. It was the same grumbling as the other her.

The memories of their date, their interaction, in each season come and go several times and Xavier started to lose his mind. He no longer what timeline he was in, he was no longer aware of the universe he was in. Everything started to get into a blur, the memories, their interaction, the names, and yet, he would still call out to her. His heart, his mind, his lips, all about him was always about her. Only her, his universe.

“You always act dumb to my tricks, you play along with every one of them. Why are you doing that? Are you trying to mock me?”

“It was fun to see you smile.” Not in every universe Xavier could see her smile, not in every connection they had, they had a smooth relationship.

“Then, you have to smile too!” This time too, Xavier could see the smile of the girl he loves very much. There’s no way for him to not be happy if he could be with the person he loves, he enjoys every little of it.

There was laughter in their relationship. Not counting the universe, Xavier succeeded to found the one where the two of them would be happy. But would that be enough? Is this the one that search for? Is this the ending he wanted? Xavier no longer knew what would be his goal, his dream, he just wanted to be with her a little bit longer. Once he knew his time wasn’t long anymore, anyone would notice how he wouldn’t age, he decided to leave.

“Are you … bored of me?” In just a few months of their relationship, Xavier wanted to run away, he couldn’t stay longer in this universe or he would make everything a mess. “You’re trying to leave me, right?”

“That’s not what I want … not what I felt.”

“Then why do you never answer my call? Why do you never open your door when I knock on it? It feels like you’ve just disappeared, it feels like you’ve abandoned me! Do you even see me as important, Xavier? Am I important to you?”

Very.

She was a very important person for Xavier.

Although, the words never come out from his lips. What’s the best way for him to explain that he was traveling around the universe? How does he even explain he wasn’t from that universe? It was a secret, it was something he need to keep to himself. It was the weight he needed to bear for trying to find and keep her safe even in another universe. What kind of lie does he need to say to her? What kind of lie he can say without hurting her feelings?

“We will meet again.”

“When?” In another life, in another universe. “When will we meet again?”

“I’m just not the right person for you.”

“After all those memories? And all that happiness we share together? Tell me what’s wrong with our relationship! Or at least, tell me what’s wrong with me so I can know, so I can understand you better.”

But she could never.

Instead of laughter, or happiness, this time all Xavier brought was tears to her. He hurt her, he shattered her heart, he ruined her. He keeps making scars in his and her heart, and he keep healing it each time he meets with her. He keep throwing question, she gives question, and all the answer will always be the same. The simple answer was that there was only one in his heart. No matter what was the question, Xavier could always answer, they’re all within the girl.

“Do you love me?”

“No one else.”

“What did you like?”

“You.”

“Have you ever been in a relationship before?”

“No. Only you.”

Xavier’s world was within the girl, she had his world. In the bigger universe, he was traveling around, in the universe he was lost in, jumping from one to another, she was the small universe he kept chasing. Even if it was just a small universe, it keeps on changing, rotating, and moving. The lights keep chasing the small universe wherever they go, not wanting to let go, not wanting to forget the small universe for the bigger one.

Just like a little kid playing tag, they keep chasing each other without any stop. Xavier knows the moment the smaller universe vanishes, he will also disappear too. Once the small universe explodes, even the light will be killed, it will be exchanged with a deep darkness. Without any light, even the bigger universe would also explode, showing how there was no hope anymore. That was the only reason for Xavier to keep on chasing the person he loves. Maybe.

No matter how much he traveled, how many versions of her he met, or how many memories he made with her, his mind would always bring back the one that he wanted to tear the most, yet he always keep it close to him. Memories that always bring tears to him repeating inside of his head, memories of the days he wanted to recreate replaying inside his mind, making the tears fall when he was alone on his bed.

It was cold.

The air, the season, the place, even her hand that Xavier was holding tightly. Everything around him was cold, and he was left alone to be the person with warmth. Everything has vanished, everything has been restarted. Everything was washed away. Her memories, her moments with him, her voice, her expression whenever she saw him, everything was now long gone. Xavier remained with the body of her, the shell of the person he loved so dearly.

“Xavier, please meet me even in another life, okay?”

“Xav, can we be lovers too in another universe?”

“Xavie, I love you so much that I can’t be separated from you even in another place! We are inseparable!”

“Can we … stop here, Xavier? I don’t wish for us to meet in another life. I don’t wish for us to meet even in another universe.”

These aren’t feelings that Xavier can end. It’s not a feeling that Xavier can wash away so easily. Though he might try, he could never succeed. In just one day, the day he decided to not travel to another universe, where he lives in the universe where she was dead, within just one try, the loneliness started to creep inside of his heart. There were screams inside of his head. He felt it in every inch of his body that it started to hurt.

“I don’t care,” Xavier said to himself, hands on his door knob. “Wherever you are, I’ll go to you. Wherever you are, I will always find you.”

Xavier didn’t think much, he didn’t put any thoughts about what he was doing. Even if it was hurting him, ruining him, and even killing him, he would still search the whole universe. Until Xavier could find her again. He won’t ever let go, even the smallest memories he had with her, from the past, from the future, from her. The memories that were engraved in the seasons he shared with her, once again come back to him.

With the growing tulips to show the start of spring, with the maple leaf that changing color to show the fall has come, with the chilling air to show winter was coming, and with the blazing sun that scream summer was here. Xavier would find her, again and again, he would find her. Wherever she was, Xavier would meet with her again. It doesn’t matter what seasons they met for the first time, it doesn’t matter where they met. As long as Xavier could meet with her again.

“Hey, are you a new Hunter? Nice to meet you! Let’s work hard as a partner, okay?” Xavier, entering the room, found that there was only her inside. The smile she gave him was warming, there was still life in it. “Why are you so silent? What’s your name?”

Xavier was silent for a few seconds before he decided to answer her with a firm tone. “Xavier. My name is Xavier, nice to meet you.”

“A new house? That’s funny, but I like it! You can be my new house. Nice to meet you, Xavier! Let’s show that we’re the best partner!” With that, Xavier knows that another love will bloom. Like the flower petal that flew with the wind in spring.

Xavier knew, that this was his mission from the start.

He will find her again.

He will search for her again.

Because what was inside of him was love.

Because it was love.

[onlymingyus]

Do Re Mi (70;teen Collab Teaser)

pairing; wen junhui x f reader

genre; smut (minors dni), fluff

warnings; unprotected sex, breeding kink, wife!reader, husband!jun, talk about having a baby, fingering, crying, mild dacryphilia, marking, scratching, cumplay

w/c; 4k and some change (570 ~ this teaser)

70s;teen Collab Masterlist

a/n; hope you enjoy. this is my fic for the 70s:teen collab, please make sure you read all the other amazing fics on the masterlist! thank you to @onlyhuis and @wonwussy for proofreading.

this fic will be released sunday 9/17 at 3 pm est to read it now subscribe to my patreon and click here

Laughing, Jun washes the soap from his hands and dries them before lifting his arms and turning in his embrace to face you. With a smirk on his face, he goes as far as to bite on his bottom lip and shrug his shoulders.

He was your ground in this chaotic world and right now this was all that mattered. Shaking your head you take a step back towards the living room causing him to laugh as you sway your hips to the music playing low on the record player. It was different from before. This was music for slow dancing, music for lovers.

“Are you trying to tell me something?”

Jun smiles brightly when a smile spreads across your pretty face. It didn’t matter how tired he was. Your smile was like a shot of vitamin c injected right into his veins.

“Maybe. I got good vibes about things lately. I’m thinking you should take me to bed,..”

His smile only falters for a moment as Jun licks his lips, his brows furrowing at your words. You made it hard for him to keep his cool around you. It didn’t matter if you two had been married for two years or twenty…Jun felt it in his soul you were going to keep him on his toes.

“You sayin’...”

It’s when you nod, your footstep still walking the two of you backwards closer to the bedroom that Jun’s breath hitches in his throat. The two of you had talked about starting a family a hundred times but the financial situation was never right. It still wasn’t in Jun’s mind… but you saying what you had, Jun couldn’t think about anything else.

A gasping laugh finds your lips when Jun moves quickly picking you up in his arms. Your hands on his shoulders, you kick your legs only to stop when you feel his lips press against the rising fabric of your shirt. A short huff of breath escapes him and you find yourself suddenly furrowing your brows. Your fingers running through his hair as he takes the last few steps through the door to your shared bedroom to lay you on the bed.

Your fingers still threading through your husband’s soft locks, you find your eyes closing to the feeling of his lips finding purchase on your skin as his fingers gently work the button of your jeans loose in the dimly lit room. The only sounds are that of your soft moans, panting breaths, and his strategic kisses that seem to mesh with the music from the living room.

Lifting your hips to the feeling of Jun’s fingers pushing against your hips, you smile finally looking down at him in the low light to find his eyes on you. He had a way about making you feel shy by doing something so simple. Just his eyes on your face as he worked your jeans over your thighs, his breath fanning over your abdomen was enough to cause your cheeks to feel like you were standing too close to an open flame.

“Jun…”

Now he was smiling at your tiny whimper of his name. God, you were like a dream. How had he landed you, Jun would never understand, but he counted his blessings each and every day and especially any chance he had the privilege to between your thighs.

“What is it, little bird? You sound so pretty tonight.”

READ THE FULL FIC NOW ON PATREON

© onlymingyus - all rights reserved. Reposting/modifying of any fic, or pieces of original writings posted on this blog is not allowed. Translations not allowed.

[sincerelyneo]

little run down: i want to thank the wonderful @hazyhae for tagging me to do this—it looked super fun, and i think it’s so cute to reflect on your works. i will say, though, my layout won’t be anywhere near as cute as theirs because i’m lazy and completely lacking any once of artistic talent. so we’re stuck with comic sans.

i didn’t write as much as i wanted to this year, and i went MIA for six months without a word—sorryy. but somehow, i still ended up with a total of 23 works. if you’d like to check them out, i have a very interesting masterlist for you to peruse.

“every fic you write is a song fic”…well sorta kinda 😋

FIRST WORK OF 2024: woman- renjun (27/3)

notes: i wrote this because i’m a firm believer that renjun is so hs1 coded. i was obsessed with the line “i’m selfish, i know” from woman, so it felt fitting.

my writing in this just annoys me, like paige shut uppp and stop yapping, my lord. my earlier fics are so wordy and long winded and it bothers me so much.

LAST WORKS OF 2024: igloo - renjun (17/11)

notes: started with renjun and finished with renjun yup. i love kiof, and when i heard igloo, i was like, this needs a fic—but i couldn’t settle on an idea i liked. originally, it was gonna be a toxic enemies-with-benefits fic for jeno, but i scrapped it because i wasn’t feeling it. then all of a sudden, it was november, and everyone and their mothers were writing nnn fics, and i was like… hm, okay.

i’m not really a lover of no nut november fics, but the lyrics were too fitting for the idea i settled on. so, alas—igloo.

LONGEST FIC OF 2024: fireproof - jeno (8.4k)

notes: is this cheating because i technically posted it in 2023 on my old blog? yeah. but it’s my wrapped, and i make the rules. my blog is a dictatorship, and whatever i say goes. also, if i hadn’t picked this, woman was the next longest, and i’ve already talked about her.

my writing in this is honestly horrific, and i think my old blog fics make me feel the most insecure as a writer. still, so many people asked me to repost it here, so i did—but i really wish i’d edited it first lol.

SHORTEST FIC OF 2024: sunflower vol 6 - hyuck (1.4k)

notes: harry styles wrote this song about haechan and i think about that all the time so i wanted to write something short and sweet. this is my only sfw fic as of now…

MOST POPULAR OF 2024: mad at you - mark

notes: umm…thank u for making this my most popular fic. ily <3

one thing about me… i’m a sucker for miscommunication, angst, and arguing in my fan fiction. a third-act breakup? sign me the hell up every single time. i love that this is my most popular fic of the year because i love the hurt/comfort trope.

PERSONAL FAVE OF 2024: heaven - chenle

notes: chenle is my bias, and it’s so hard to find fics where he’s a silly, lovesick lover boy, so i had to take matters into my own hands. i know i literally just said i love angst, but sometimes all a girl wants is tooth-rotting fluff with her smut, and i think i pulled that off pretty well in this fic. idk…

notes: i posted at least 3 fics for each member this year because i have a lot of ideas, and i like to spread them evenly—i also know the struggle of trying to find fics for your bias. however, hyuck + chenle definitely got a little more love (nobody’s surprised).

haechan (5 fics total: 12.1k words)

chenle (4 fics total: 16.0k words)

warning: i can be a little flaky with my writing. sometimes an idea hits, and i’ll write it in one sitting; other times, i’ll start something and forget about it for months. so, don’t be too disappointed if some of these never see the light of day.

guilty as sin? — park jisung (college!au, golden boy x nerd)

The hot upperclassman on the basketball team is every girl's fantasy - well yours. He's tall, and sweet and lean and hot and the object of all your late-night scenarios. And you like it like that. He's simply a thought, a dream, escapism and completely unaware of your existence. Well, he was, until you're assigned to tutor him. And now you have to teach the guy you've been getting off to at night how to do algebra...or fail the class yourself.

unadulterated loathing — na jaemin (enemies to lovers)

Every winter break, you and your best friends rent a cabin to escape the stress of college for a week. Except this year, your best friend is bringing her new boyfriend, Jeno, and with him comes his best friend, Jaemin—the one person you cannot stand.

ballad of a homeschooled girl — lee haechan (college!au)

Jumping from 18 years of homeschooling to living in college dorms would be hard for anyone; so imagine that mixed with a party animal roommate, a first crush and the cocky arrogant Lee Haechan who you just keep running into at inconvenient times. And he’s so irritating. Ugh. Could this get anymore awkward? 

if you steal my fic ideas i will be in your walls. 🤨

oh and…i forgot to mention: @sincerelyriize

[2baabbies]

skz bingo; #7, she/her pronouns, with chan?? maybe some sort of bookstore meet cute where reader can't reach a certain book that's on a shelf just out of her reach, but chan is a little taller than her so he manages to crowd against her back and grab the book for her?? 👀 I don't mind either sfw or nsfw, whichever feels like it fits the fic best!

my dear, I couldn’t make chan taller for fear of excluding the tall girlies ;w; but I think I still worked it in well. and I hope you like hyunlix, because they’re in the background fulfilling my bookkeeper/florist couple fantasies. I also split the difference between n/sfw with extraflirty!chan, enjoyyy 🫶🏻

🖤 read me like a book (bangchan x reader) 🖤

Pairings: chan x reader, background hyunlix

Words: 1170 (I gave up on the world limit)

Humour + Suggestive (no smut) + Fluff

fem!reader

Request guidelines here!

!!ATTENTION!!

Reposting this fic to other platforms, including as a translation, is expressly prohibited. Do not copy, alter, or claim this fic as your own. Absolutely no permission is given to anyone to post my works, even with credit, and this fic should only appear on Ao3 or Tumblr under my accounts. Reposting is not only plagiarism, but a direct violation of my wishes as the original writer and owner. Please respect writers and don’t steal!

Likes, reblogs, asks and comments are very welcome and appreciated <3

~~~

Felix has been flirting with Hyunjin for over ten minutes, which is only a problem for you because he is sitting on the only ladder in the entire bookstore. The shop owner sits on the middle rungs as the florist leans against the wall and dramatically tells him about his morning. Felix clutches the bundle of white and yellow daffodils Hyunjin brought for him to his chest with a dreamy smile.

Residing on one of the upper shelves, out of your reach, is a new romance novel that you came to purchase. You steal a glance at Hyunjin and Felix, then continue glaring at your target. Now, it was not just the minor inconvenience souring your mood, but the envy of seeing the two men together. You felt incredibly unlucky in comparison to the perfect couple chatting away in the corner. You were tired of reading about romance, and more than ready to find it for yourself.

The tips of your fingers just brush the spine of one of the copies as you try again, and you sigh in defeat. Climbing the shelf would be entirely too hazardous, although you are getting desperate enough at this point to try it. You had been waiting for this book for months. But, as miserable as you were, you refused to interrupt Felix and Hyunjin.

“Hey there,” You look over your shoulder to face the man that speaks to you, “You, uh, look like you could use a little help?”

“I’ve got it.”

The speed in which you turn away is criminal. The stranger is incredibly handsome, and you would be damned if you let the cutest man to ever walk into this bookstore see the smut you were trying to pull off the shelf. He clears his throat gently and you peek over your shoulder at him.

“Hm, are you sure? I’ve got to grab something up there anyway.”

“O-Okay. I-If you wouldn’t mind…”

You are about to move when the man drops a stepstool behind you and springs onto it with ease. He braces one hand over your shoulder and leans in, his chest brushing against your back as he grabs the books. Your breath catches as he hops down again, and you will yourself to breathe as you turn around. You inhale sharply as he does not hand the book over to you, but flips through it instead. He then reads that lovely little page of content warnings- mainly kinks- listed by the author at the beginning of the book.

Your face burns as he hums and casually places it in your hand.

“Here’s your book.”

“It’s not mine,” You blurt quickly.

“Oh? Did you want a different one?”

You clutch it to your chest.

“N-No! I-I’m buying it… for my friend. I don’t read this stuff.”

“Oh, I see,” There is a troublesome little glint in his eye, “That’s a shame. That author is quite popular. Maybe you should give it a try?”

You squirm under his playful gaze. You wish you could just melt into the bookcase to escape this conversation.

“No.”

“No? Why not?”

“It’s not… realistic…”

His eyebrows quirk but he looks satisfied with your answer. Felix interrupts the tense moment as he begins leaving the bookstore with Hyunjin.

“Hey, Chan, I’m taking my break now. You got an eye on the cash?”

“Yeah, mate, you’re good. I’ll see ya in a bit.”

Hyunjin gives you an excited wave, which you return shyly, as Felix adds:

“Oh, y/n, I put a book aside for you. It’s behind the counter. Chan, her name is on it.”

“Alright.”

“Thank you,” You murmur.

The doorbell chimes as the door falls shut behind them, and you are left alone with Chan. He kicks up the stepstool and catches it one hand.

“Well, y/n,” He coos in his lovely accent, “I’ll be at the cash if you need anything. Give me a shout if you have any questions, yeah?”

“Y-Yeah, sure.”

He winks and walks behind the counter, settling in and opening the book he pulled from the shelf. You stall for a bit, then steel your nerves and approach the checkout. Chan sets his book aside and smiles as you set yours on the counter. He finds the book Felix set aside for you, and it is the exact same book you pulled from the shelf.

The road to Hell is truly paved with good intentions.

Chan pauses then coyly asks, “I guess you don’t want two of these, hm?”

You puff your cheeks.

“No.”

He chuckles and begins ringing up your purchase.

“Okay, I won’t tease you anymore. You don’t have to be embarrassed, you know?”

“I’m not embarrassed.”

He side-eyes you playfully.

“Alright. Are you paying with cash or card?”

“Cash.”

You quickly pull the bill from your pocket and hand it to Chan. You are both quiet as he makes your change then hands it back to you. You count it then furrow your brow gently.

“Something wrong?”

“Um, it seems… You gave me extra.”

He checks the receipt then looks at your hand as you hold it out to him.

“No, it’s right.”

“You gave me a discount?”

You drop the change in your pocket and accept the book and receipt as he hands them to you.

“Of course. Pretty girls shouldn’t have to pay full price.”

You fluster.

“I thought you said you weren’t going to tease me anymore?”

He rests his chin in his hand and leans his elbows on the counter with a smirk.

“That wasn’t teasing. That was flirting.”

You clutch the book to your chest and duck your blushing face.

“Well…”

He giggles and the charming sound startles you to look up again.

“Sorry. I’ll stop.”

“I-It’s okay.”

“Hm?”

“Uh, you don’t have to stop.”

Chan smiles warmly.

“Only if you like it.”

“I, um, I do.”

“Okay then. Well, I hope your friend likes the book.”

“It’s almost worse when you pretend you don’t know…”

“Well, for the record, I believed you a little bit.”

“Sure.”

“I did,” He purrs, “And I would agree with you. I tried to read those books but they weren’t really my thing.”

“You did?”

“Mhm, like you said: it wasn’t realistic. If you’d like an example of something more realistic though, I’d be happy to show you.”

You roll your eyes as a grin breaks out on his face. Although he delivered the line with confidence, his whole face is flushed like yours.

“I’ll keep that in mind…”

Chan winks as you walk away.

“Have a good day!”

You rush out of the bookstore and pause outside as you notice something sticking out of the book you just purchased. You flip it open to see a scrap of paper with a phone number written on it. You look through the window of the bookstore to see Chan, giving you a fluttery wave as you piece it all together. You huff and cover your face as you stomp away, but you cannot suppress your charmed smile.

[zairene]

in sync, hobie brown x rock angel! roxxi-coded! black fem reader hcs

warnings: fluffy kinda, but none

author’s note: congrats on 3k juice !!! ilysm and u so so so deserve it <3 original event post here / creator: @mypimpademia

you and hobie are the ultimate rockstar couple.

it seemed to be a match made in heaven when you both clicked instantly, with the same passion for creating music and touring the world. it wasn’t hard talking music with him since both of your music taste was drastically similar. with both of you loving rock, you both always had new recommendations for each other.

and because of your broad taste of music, you’re always recommending him new songs that weren’t particularly rock. it could be 90s gangsta rap, r&b, neo-soul, just really anything. you weren’t afraid to try new things so maybe hobie could too!

he still has a keen ear for music. so due to how close you both are and how close he is with the group because of you, he’s often at rehearsals with you guys, helping with things you guys could make better but if you ask him, he just there to see his girl in action.

hobie never misses your concerts. like ever. the only way he’d miss it is if he had some big emergency that he couldn’t possibly pass up but not much is more important than you. you always find yourself sneaking him backstage passes as well, not because he asked but why not for your biggest supporter ever?

regarding being your biggest supporter, he always reposts things on his instagram story about your band—always congratulating you on new collaborations or award nominations. he’s always ready to talk about people needing to buy new tickets for your upcoming shows.

hobie is always in your dressing room and just won’t get out when he’s supposed to. at first, you just let him in for some quality time because that’s honestly rare when it’s the touring season for the band. however, once it’s time for him to get out, he’s making excuses for him to stay. “y’know what. ‘m not even ‘ere.” “hobie, get out!”

and when it’s time for you to go onstage, he’s checking you for any type of thing that looks out of place. fluffing whatever hairstyle you have in, making sure you look ready for the lights that’ll be shining on you for the next 10-15 minutes. and before you go, he never fails to give you a kiss and a smack on the ass for “extra good luck,” in his words, i may add. but you loved him either way so maybe you allowed it even though you would yell at him for it. he always laugh because he knew that you weren’t serious and that was just a way of you being flustered.

arguments and conversations with him were never a common thing. if it was anything about the band and your music, you always put that before your relationship because it was your passion. but that didn’t mean your relationship problems didn’t interfere sometimes and it led you to take breaks to talk things out with him because you were never one to yell or get angry with him. you thought that problems could be conquered with a heart-to-heart conversation, and that applied especially to you and him.

putting the band over him was never a personal thing with him because he knew how much you valued your friendships and music. he just was aware that if he did anything wrong to the point where it would lead to your breakup—you would never stop making music with the girls. and that’s what he loved about you, you never let things hinder your success. fortunately, things have never gotten to that level and you’ll always know that hobie will be there with you every step of the way.

[crowsmodhell]

My MLP CC Masterlist

Because I’ve gotten an overwhelming number of asks for the CC I used in my MLP skin overlay post, I’ve decided to put together a list for it for people to refer to, rather than answer every ask about it individually. I’m also including some newer CC I’ve started using also over some of the OLD cc I don’t actively use so much anymore in general. Hopefully this helps nya’ll with your MLP sims!

My Skin Overlays:

Magic Friendship Horses - These were made with the Savestate Furry Ears and Tails in mind too if memory serves, so those ears and tails may work the best with them.

Wings:

Jupiter’s Eagle - I no longer use these anymore really, but people still ask about them so here you go! ALSO note I was using a PERSONAL recolor of those wings in my MLP post so sorry but you won’t find the colors you need here, probably :’)

Chromo Nostalgia Set - The wings I currently use moreso now, has both a gorgeous set of feathered wings in MANY colors, and some fairy wings that work spectacularly for changelings too!

Fairies vs Witches Mod - The Fairy aspect in this mod also adds flight skills and fairy wings too along with elemental powers! The wings are ALSO optional in case you want to use the wings above or any other types of wings you might want!

Snouts:

Ccadence Snout for Sims - A repost of the original snout mod, since the original is no longer available on mod the sims. I still use this one a lot to this very day for a LOT of different sims.

Grimguide’s Horse Snout Preset - Two variations of the same Snout Preset found in noses, it’s a VERY excellent horse snout made by Grimguide!

Ears/Tails:

My kemonomimi ears I made awhile back - These only come in limited colors, but you can all recolor to your heart’s content!

Savestate Furry Ears and Tail - I also use these regularly still, too!

Tovisim Unicorn CC - Includes some tails I used and couldn’t find again, here you go!

Horns:

My Unicorn Horn CC - Found in Occult Brows! Has many useful colors

Smaller Unicorn Horn - Absolutely forgot I made this and never shared... my bad :’D

Smallest Unicorn Horn - ANOTHER one I forgot about, but here you go!

MLP-Centric CC and Clothes:

Mane Six outfits and hairstyles - An assortment of Mane Six outfits and hairs, and I believe eyes too?

More MLP Character Outfits/Eyes/Hairs -

Even More MLP Character Stuff -

Other worth Noting:

Just a lot of Grimguide’s CC - in general can be pretty useful for furry and nonhuman sims in general! So check out the Archive for it all here!

I’m pretty sure that’s a lot of what I used, excluding some hairstyles, because there’ve since been a LOT more hairstyles released in the world of Sims 4 CC that you can use to fit your personal preference honestly.

Happy Simming!

Never ask me about MLP CC Again <3 :D

[tutti-says]

Re: intersex, intersexism and me

I’ve had something I have wanted to say, something that has weighed heavily on me over the past few weeks. Something I’ve spent hours reading trying to figure out and understand the different sides of.

This is something that, of course, happened at the tail end of the conflict. I do not want to bring the entire conflict to focus. I am purposefully not naming names nor specifying incidents because I am not coming to you today as Tutti the defender, I’m coming today as Tutti the person. To start with - I am intersex, medically intersex. That’s as much as I am willing to divulge because it’s not something I tell really anyone and to say so here leaves my chest very tight. I’ve already had to expose many wounds and traumas I bear because I don’t believe I can correctly explain my point of view and why I feel that way without sharing. It is no burden nor shame to be myself, but I also don’t want to be the one “with the microphone” or anything. 

I wanted to talk to the original poster and try to explain things from my lens, but I didn’t know how exactly to approach them in a way that wouldn’t risk more harm. The poster was hurting. I was hurting. Everyone in this whole mess was hurting and it just wasn’t the time and hasn’t been - but I really would like to share my perspective. This isn’t even something I’ve talked about with my friends nor my wife. Honestly, I was so shocked at the post and the effects that rippled from there, I couldn’t even feel anything but numb at first. I felt my duty at that moment was to ensure the safety of lives that were now at risk, so I haven’t really brought up how this has affected me. 

To briefly (as much as possible) mention the incident without names because again, I would like to talk personally - there was a post about a tag on an Ao3 fic where the original poster labeled it as intersexism. My friend, knowing the writer and why the writer chose that specific tag, then reposted the post and commented about intersex people not being safe in writing. Unbeknownst to my friend - the original poster was intersex. 

I even replied to the post my friend made because I was confused on why the original poster called the fic tag intersexist, nor why intersex was even brought in. It felt to me like the post was saying persons weren’t allowed to write intersex fics. I was really confused and honestly a little taken aback as an intersex person myself. The original poster did not include my post in the thread, I don’t know why but I do claim that it was not with ill intent towards me, but I will include it here.  

The original poster saw the post and replies, and though I cannot speak of their feelings, I am sure the matter was hurtful to them to say the least. In return, the original poster made a thread detailing the events and their interpretation of what was said - and when I read it my heart sank. I know the people in the replies, and I knew what they meant by what they said in response to the original post my friend made. Most of the errors stemmed from difficulties in communication brought about by neurodivergence, which the original poster could not know of.  However, I cannot say that every reply I saw to the thread in the climax, a heated back and forth from other friends, was entirely innocent - nor were they in any way kind or understanding. Some of them hurt me, as fighting for diagnoses on anything is such an arduous task. But right now I want to talk about this from the perspective of an intersex person who knows the author, a trans writer, willfully choosing to not use a tag with intersex but dual gender because this was a fic about the author and their gender dysphoria finding ease through fiction. Knowing that the original poster did not read the fic but made an assumption based solely on the tag and prior instances made me really confused. Though the original poster didn’t name my friend nor the fic - they did misgender my friend and speak ill of them. Yet, I also understand how exasperating it is to see things that have hurt you by people who know nothing about intersex but use it and the erm - genitalia without care nor research. I wish more than anything that my friend or the original poster would have messaged instead of publicly posting - so they might have found understanding. To this day, my friend has not read the thread about intersexism. Their tumblr post saying goodbye was not in relation to intersex in the slightest, and they never read any of the replies. This was my doing. My choice to put my friend’s life first. I begged them not to read it. So if anyone is mad my friend did not see your replies on Tumblr or the thread on Twitter - blame me. I am solely responsible. I’m of two minds on everything - because it comes down to if perisex trans persons are allowed to write or contemplate having dual genitalia or if the thought in itself is intersexist. I know that people will think that because I carry a label of proship I couldn't care less - but I do care.  To me, in a world where awful experimentation etc. is still done on intersex people, it would be hard to write this without bearing the empathy towards intersex people and the hardships faced. And honestly, that isn’t done in a lot of cases. However, in the case of the particular fic that was being discussed, the writer HAD written and tagged in a way that respected intersex people while writing from the viewpoint of a person who is trans with the specific label of salmacian. So, I don’t believe it was wrong nor intersexist of my friend to write a fic using their own lens and a tag that made sense for the fic. It was not prejudiced, but rather heartfelt. 

At the moment though, I could say nothing against the unmountable tidal waves of hate pouring from both sides. I am still devastated at what occurred in a few short hours and how easily it could have been avoided. I feel heartbroken in so many ways because so many voices needed to be shared and nearly all of them were silenced. 

[all-about-kyu]

Summary: Both you and Taeyong love waking up to slow, soft sex early in the morning. Pairing: Taeyong x fem!reader Tropes: established relationship au, soulmate au (mind link/shared dreams) Genre: smut Rating: R 18+ Warnings: soul links, language Smut Warnings: unprotected sex, somnophilia, grinding Word Count: 600 Host Tags: @sanjoongie @thelargefrye Note: sorry this is late!! Things happened at home Before You Interact February Filth Masterlist

Listen to ♡ Velvet by EXID

You wake before Taeyong does most days. Most days, you both are up and running out the door for work. Then, there are days like today. The rays of the sun shine through the sheer white curtains. (After coming home late last night, you forgot to draw the heavier ones that block out the light.). Taeyong’s soothing breathing adds just the slightest bit of noise to the quiet space. You hardly awake yourself and debate falling back to sleep. Instead, you catch a glimpse of your soulmate’s dream through your mind link. It’s just the two of you on a cute little picnic date in some flowery field. It’s cute in every sense of the word. Normally, you don’t intend to see Taeyong’s dreams, often times you leave him to his dreams in peace. For some reason, today, you just couldn’t block it out. You roll over and look at your boyfriend. He seems entirely peaceful other than his eyebrows being furrowed.

Letting out a soft breath, you close your eyes and mentally step through the link between your minds. The doorway of sorts is wide open. You find yourself in Taeyong’s dream a moment later and are pleasantly surprised to see what he dreams about. Immediately you’re greeted with the feeling of your boyfriend fully inside you. His face is tucked into your shoulder as he smoothly and methodically thrusts into you.

That’s another thing about your mind links, when you step into the space, you are actually a part of the dream or any other content that occupies the space. You’ll often find Taeyong stepping into the shared space to just hang out and talk when you’re apart. Now though, you’ve taken the place of your dream self and are so happy you did.

Clinging to him, you let out a broken moan. Each thrust is perfectly angled to brush up against your g-spot. Taeyong starts placing placing kisses along your neck and shoulder. The sensation sends chills up and down your spine.

“Hi, sweetheart, you finally join me?” He gasps.

“Yongie–” you moan, “Feels so good.”

“I should’ve gotten you in here quicker, fuck, I’m not gonna last.”

You wrap your legs around his waist, hoping to urge him to go faster. The heat in your belly is starting to become a fire. You’re still very much sleepy, but the feeling of your boyfriend inside you has you more desperate than you could ever describe. Taeyong gently pulls your legs around his waist and pulls you onto his lap. Now you can properly see the landscape of his dream. You’re in a stunning, vibrantly colored valley. Taeyong doesn’t give you long to process your surroundings before he’s thrusting up into you at a pace that makes you see stars.

“Fuck– I’m gonna cum, baby.” Taeyong groans, peppering kisses against your chest.

Before you can respond, you’re startled out of the dreamscape. You open your eyes to see yourself cuddled up against Taeyong’s chest. He groans and rubs his eyes before looking over at you. He doesn’t say a word; instead, he leans in and kisses you softly. Rolling over to be over you, he lets one of his hands wander down your side to rub small circles into your waist. You gasp as he slots himself between your legs and starts grinding against you. Nothing could beat mornings like this. The feeling of your soulmate loving you and you love him. Being able to share such a strong connetion without any words being exchanged. All of it was so velvety and warm. You never want to leave.

COPYRIGHT STARLITMARK 2024© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED — reposting/modifying any fic or piece of original writing posted on this blog is not allowed. Translations are not permitted. 

Networks: @cultofdionysusnet @kwritersworld @k-vanity

Tag List: @bratty-tingz @yeosangiess @minjaeluver @abbietwilight @wooyoungmybelovedhusband

[flowersandbirdsflyingfree]

Callout Post: Be Wary of the Following User

I've tried everything before. I've remained quiet, I've tried going my separate ways as peacefully as possible, I've made mistakes in impulsive arguements, and I even tried quietly moving accounts. But I'm tired of remaining quiet. There's someone who's been stalking me since the friendship break-up back in August of 2022. Originally fluffy935, now known as edwards-kronorium115, has been harrassing me in subtle ways non-stop.

We had been great friends at first in 2021, only for things to fall apart when we were making too many mistakes to upset each other within a short timespan. I made a few mistakes in accidentally reposting their screenshots due to them not having a watermark and not being able to tell which was “gifted to me” or which was completely theirs as there was no indication to tell the difference. They hadn’t added watermarks until just recently when I had checked on them.

At first, we had disagreements due to sharing the same f/o. I already do with a very close friend of mine. Unlike that close friend, Eddie would go back and forth from being supportive to lashing out at me. My old first blog here (staminuptosuccess) is deleted but there I was spammed in DMs over a friend supporting me with Edward at the time. I was called a homewrecker, spammed vomit emojis, and further insulted. It was getting so bad that I went to Twitter and left everything behind around 2022. We made up and became friends again. Only for it to get worse. It got so bad she looked me up on FACEBOOK AND SOMEHOW FOUND MY PRIVATE NAME. I cannot show the contact to avoid doxxing. But her full name is there. I was isolated. She constantly told me how “I am your only true friend.” I was manipulated often into being away from my friends. She constantly tried putting everyone down, me included. I would be built up only to be put down again. I couldn’t handle her taking out her emotions on me. No matter how hard I tried, I always did something to make her angry or sad. So, I left Twitter in the midst of her rage. I uncensored the names of friends who consent to me posting the thread.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t want to upset her anymore and frankly? I didn’t want to be abused anymore either. Every time I was starting to thrive, she’d explode. She would pepper me in drawing gifts only to slam me down that I didn’t care enough or that I ruined everything for her. So I ended it. The Facebook thing freaked me out especially bc how did she find my name?

We had a short talk of what seemed like closure and wishing each other the best in life… until it wasn’t.

She took my quiz and made her presence known twice. I’d have my post liked until I was blocked. It happened to my friend too. After a while, I was able to find a way to block her back so she’d stop the discreet spying. She would reblog the same things I did. And ever so slowly plagiarize my work.

My Kalimba video: December 31st, 2022

(To be continued. Check below)

Part 2

Part 3

[demigodofhoolemere]

So, uh… in “theory”, what the heck does one do if they find their posts (and the posts of others) reposted onto another website? And it’s not just a case of a popular post getting screenshotted and breaking containment on Pinterest or something, these are outright the pictures you yourself posted, usually with the captions you yourself wrote, put up by someone else on Instagram as if they were theirs with absolutely no credit to the people who originally made them.

Story time under the cut…

~~~~~~~~~~

I’ve been sitting on this for about a month feeling like I’m losing my mind and not quite being able to tell whether I’m overreacting or not, but it’s all been incredibly bizarre. I happened upon this person completely by coincidence — I got a Classic Who post recommended to me, then checked out the person it came from because I’m always happy to find another Classic Who page to follow (and because their url is even lifted from a tumblr user, I thought it may have been them at first so I was curious), and lo and behold as I scroll down their stuff I find myself looking at… me. Repeatedly. Like, a rather surprising amount of my own posts. Then I noticed there was quite a bit of @junkyardbluebox as well (whose url is the one being used), and a fair few @unwillingadventurer, along with other posts that I’ve seen before but couldn’t tell you who made them.

I commented on one of the posts that was my own, saying that some of these were mine and that I recognized others, and calmly asked out of curiosity why the reposting without credit to any of us. I don’t remember my exact wording anymore but it was very polite, like “can I please ask” levels of polite, nothing that should have come across as being judgmental or upset, because for all I knew maybe this person just genuinely didn’t understand that it’s generally frowned upon to repost other people’s things as your own and I didn’t want to be rude at all. I wish I had taken a screenshot, but I wasn’t exactly anticipating that they would straight up delete my comment.

Since then there’s been a strange rollercoaster of this person adding a bunch of new posts as if to bury the stolen ones, then proceeding to repost our stuff again anyway, then hiding and unhiding and rehiding so, so many of their posts over and over (and in the words of another thing I keep seeing on Instagram lately — I wasn’t aware that was something a person could do), like they can’t decide what they want their page to look like.

Every time the stolen posts got hidden I would think maybe they’ve decided against taking other people’s things and I could leave it alone, but they’d inevitably come back, and there continue to be more new posts taken from Classic Who fandom tumblr users. I drew a line when I saw that they had begun posting screen recordings of gifsets made by @stephadoo and decided to try saying something again, this time making sure I had evidence, which is good because this got deleted, too:

I feel like I bordered into being rude here (probably not, but I felt like it, anyway), but it was one thing to repost pictures that aren’t technically mine because they’re episode screencaps and another to repost gifs that someone actually worked on making themselves. They did end up deleting the gifs (unless they’re just hidden like everything else keeps being, which is always a possibility), but plenty of other stuff is still there — at one point there had been more junkyardbluebox than anyone else, but at the current moment most of those are deleted or hidden, so as I write this most of the copied posts, at least the ones that I recognize, are mine — and they actually reposted a few more of my things immediately after deleting this comment. Everything remains creditless.

Again, part of me feels like I’m completely overreacting to this, but it is weird as heck to see your own posts on somebody else’s page as if they made them, many of them still with your own specific captions — my favorite being some rather detailed thoughts on One and Katarina while watching The Daleks' Master Plan, presented as if those were their thoughts while watching it, and I’m sitting here like

This is one of the weirdest things that’s ever happened to me and I genuinely have no idea what to do about this, if anything at all (if nothing else I want to get this craziness out of my system!). I don’t want this person to get dog-piled or bullied, but I also think people should know their things are being posted on another platform as someone else’s without any credit — and more than that, by deleting my comments about it it gives the impression that this person doesn’t want evidence to exist that these posts are not theirs, and they deliberately choose to continue not giving credit after being politely asked twice.

For the sake of providing evidence in case these things get hidden again, screenshots of my stuff below…

~~~~~~~~~~

Original post: https://www.tumblr.com/demigodofhoolemere/700433192597028864/glad-that-theres-at-least-brief-footage-of-vicki

Original post: https://www.tumblr.com/demigodofhoolemere/700404679746764800/tfw-your-parents-are-arguing-about-directions

Altered caption on that one. Original post: https://www.tumblr.com/demigodofhoolemere/700412381217619968/vicki-in-the-romans

Original post: https://www.tumblr.com/demigodofhoolemere/700429807985573888/some-cute-vicki

Original post: https://www.tumblr.com/demigodofhoolemere/700429815806869504/vicki-and-her-little-pigtails-appreciation

Part of my caption removed. Original post: https://www.tumblr.com/demigodofhoolemere/719464306990792704/scene-i-want-to-see-recovered-2000-the-doctor

Altered caption; this was my birthday post for Carole Ann Ford. Original post: https://www.tumblr.com/demigodofhoolemere/720272520217067520/happy-birthday-carole-ann-ford

Could not believe that that entire caption was still there. Original post: https://www.tumblr.com/demigodofhoolemere/720432553596715008/watching-the-first-few-episodes-of-the-daleks

Continued in reblogs.

[valentineforlemonandcherry]

Foxtail & Wolfsbane 42

Summary: Your lifelong obsession to hunt down the Nine-Tailed Fox has not gone as expected, and seventeen years later, you find yourself coming back to the place where it all started: Hogwarts. However, with Sirius Black’s escape from Azkaban and Headmaster Dumbledore’s hire of a certain Professor R. J. Lupin, you suddenly find yourself intertwined in the fates of those with whom you thought you had parted ways with long ago.

[Multi-Post Story] [Rowan Scamander x Reader] [Remus Lupin x Reader] [Young Sirius Black x Reader] [Tristan Graves x Reader] [Severus Snape x Reader] *Note: Rowan Scamander, Tristan Graves, Susana Holmes, Cas Carneirus, Henrietta Weiss, Thomas Picquery, and Magdalene Clarke are OC characters.

Note: Part 42 does not contain any smut.

*Please do not repost or copy my work without my permission. Thank You!

☾ Click Here for Foxtail & Wolfsbane Home Page (All Chapter Links) ☾

The moment you heard what Remus’ wish was, all of the pieces of the puzzle fell into place.

That’s why I didn’t die. My wish was for the Nine-Tailed Fox to grant Remus’ wish. I assumed that Remus would wish to no longer be a werewolf. Only, Remus wished to be with me. Those wishes are contradictory. Per the terms of the original bargain, I was supposed to die. But obviously, Remus’ wish entailed that I remain alive.  The Nine-Tailed Fox’s magic must have gone back-and-forth between us until it caught Artemis’ wish, since Artemis was nestled between us – Artemis, who was chewing on my wand, and who was wishing with all of her heart to become a magical creature.

Seeing you frozen, Remus tried to explain himself. “I realize that it was foolish. Selfish, even. At the time, I didn’t even know that you weren’t with Rowan anymore. But, you see, when you asked me to make a wish, I didn’t realize that it was connected to the Nine-Tailed Fox’s power and that it might actually come true, so I simply let myself think of the silliest wish. You’re under no obligation to - ”

Remus abruptly cut off, as you suddenly reached over and grasped his hands. Squeezing his hands tightly, you whispered, in a shaky, disbelieving voice,  “Me? You wished for me?”

“To be with you,” Remus corrected you gently. “However you wished that relationship to be.”

“Oh,” you murmured, in a barely audible voice. You stared at Remus with wide eyes, unable to comprehend everything that he was saying to you. Well, more accurately put, your mind understood what was going on. After all, you hadn’t been blind to how protective and attentive Remus had been to you over the past few weeks. But your heart – your heart wasn’t ready to let itself believe in such a long-sought-after, forever-far-away fairytale ending.

But there Remus was, standing before you and saying, “Don’t you remember? You always used to say to me that you could be anything I wanted you to be. Every time, I wanted to say it back to you, but I knew I couldn’t live up to that promise given my - my prior condition.” His voice had fallen into a raspy whisper and he was gazing at you with a complicated, almost haunted expression. “I’ve always wanted to… to cherish you.” Holding your hands back, he stepped closer to you. “You understand what I mean, don’t you?”

You blinked nervously. Do I know what he means? I think I do but… Have I gone mad? Is this all a dream? Maybe the magical doorway spat me out in an alternative universe. Anyhow, shouldn’t we be boarding a train? Or did we just get off of one? Godric, I can barely remember where we are. Why is Remus saying all this to me?  

Seeing your anxious expression, Remus hastily clarified, “And I don’t mean that you always have to be pinned to my side. Of course not. Rather, I’m happy to watch you go off on all of your adventures – I like that about you, that you’re always chasing something. Only when – that is, only if you ever wanted a home to return to, you could perhaps find one in me…” Remus suddenly broke off, startled. “Lovely? Why are you crying?”

You broke away from Remus and hastily wiped your face. You hadn’t realized that you were crying.

Remus, realizing that you were trying to process everything that was going on, remained where he was, though he unconsciously leaned towards you and reached out an open hand to you, wanting to comfort you.

You kept staring at Remus with wide, tearful eyes, and your hands were on your face, catching and wiping away new tears. “Oh,” you whispered, in a hushed, fervent voice. “Oh.”

Remus abruptly realized how much pressure he had put on you. He had only meant to set the record straight. He hadn’t meant to give such a heartfelt confession, and he had most certainly never intended to pressure you into a confession.

Remus wanted to act cool, but he couldn’t bring himself to act casual in any way, not when it meant so damn much to him. Now that he had given his truth to you, he couldn’t deny that he wanted to hear your reply and he couldn’t help but hope that you might reciprocate. Too late, he realized that he had put himself in the most vulnerable position.  

Feeling increasingly anxious, Remus began, “You know you don’t owe me anything. You’ve every right to turn me away, I’m only too aware of that. But I thought, maybe, we could start over because – because I’m not – not – some horrible creature anymore and I wouldn’t have to spend every waking moment trying to protect you from myself now - ” Just then, Remus saw you bite down hard on your lower lip, and your eyes became very sad. 

Remus broke off and turned away from you. Swallowing hard, he nervously looked up at the sun and then quickly looked back down to prevent himself from being blinded by that golden orb, hanging questioningly in the sky.

Meanwhile, you were trying very, very hard to force your scattered brain to think of something appropriate to say. You clasped your hands together and looked all over the train station, as if the right words might be written on a signpost somewhere. Finding nothing, you looked back at Remus again, only to find that he was looking away from you.

You bit your lower lip nervously. Come on, come on, say something. Say something clever. Light-hearted. Accepting. Gracious. Heroic. Your eyes fell on the rip in Remus’ cloak. For a moment, you thought distractedly, Wow, that piece of fabric’s hung on for all of our travels. It was ripped even when we were back in the mythical realm… Oh, but who cares about that right now? What am I supposed to say? How do I respond to him?

Remus chose that moment to turn back and look at you.

Your mouth fell open. “Um… There’s a hole in your cloak.”

Remus’s face scrunched up into an entirely bemused expression. He let out a rough breath and furiously ran his hand through his hair. Then, he murmured, “C’mon. Let’s go home.”

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

You didn’t sleep (or manage to unscramble your fried brain) one whit during the entire bus ride back to Grimmauld Place. In truth, both you and Remus wanted to Apparate straight back to Grimmauld Place, but neither of you wanted to suggest it, since it would acknowledge the intense tension suffocating you both.

More than anything, you wanted to reply to Remus and tell him that you reciprocated his feelings, heart for heart. However, there was some strange sadness unfurling in your heart and it was all meshed up with a thrumming, intense anxiety – and all of it felt overwhelming and it choked your voice.

At one stop, someone came onto the bus and creepily leered at you as he sat next to you. Frowning, Remus insisted that you switch seats with him. You protested silently but vehemently, indicating that you were fine. Remus shook his head at you. The man kept looking over at you, and it was making Remus’ palms go all itchy. Finally, Remus gently but firmly guided you over his lap to switch seats with you. “For me,” he whispered to you, as he pulled you across him.

When you felt Remus let go of you, your heart gave a jolt. Wait, no. Don’t let go of me.

You nearly reached for his hand, but you stopped yourself just in time. No, I’ve got to say something first.

You glanced sideways at him. I can’t say I love you, can I?

Hmm, no, you decided. That would be too much, right off the bat.

The voice in your head responded, But anything less than that is a lie.

True.

Nervously tapping your fingers against your thigh, you stole yet another glance at Remus. Should I perhaps just kiss him? That would make my feelings clear, wouldn’t it?

No, I can’t do that, you told yourself, quickly dismissing your terrible idea. It’s too sudden. I need something less than ‘I love you,’ not more.

You wondered for the thousandth time, What should I say? And how come I can’t bring myself to simply say yes?

You let out a long sigh.

“We’re almost home,” Remus said reassuringly, noticing your downcast expression.

Remus thinks I want to get off because of that strange man, you realized. He doesn’t realize that I’m sitting here, dying, because I can’t think of the right thing to say to him.  

You shot Remus a morose look. It was only that when he confessed, he sounded like he wanted to start all over again, as if he regretted and wanted to erase our earlier time together. He still seems ashamed that he was a werewolf and it’s almost as if he’s only comfortable approaching me now because he’s no longer a werewolf – as if I couldn’t love him or shouldn’t love him when he was a werewolf. I can’t accept that assumption. I won’t have that. I’ve always loved him, and even if we were to ‘start over’ again, I think I need him to recognize that. Or else it might go all wrong again… 

You nervously tugged at your shirt, twisting it in your hands, as you continued to gaze at Remus. I said I was happy to have met you, Remus. Don’t you realize what I was saying? I was telling you that I’ve always loved you, and that regardless of whether you’re a werewolf or not, and despite all of the hurt we put each other through, I loved you… I don’t want you to pretend like you only deserve love now that you’re no longer a werewolf. I have never thought that about you, and I hate that you think of yourself that way – and of me that way. You’re underestimating my feelings for you, yet again. It makes me feel… so lonely.  

Remus caught your glum expression. Surprised, he blinked back at you. Have I done something wrong? Remus wondered nervously. I know Lovely said she was fine, and I’m sure she could handle it, but I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable next to the strange man.

The two of you gazed at each other like two lost puppies, unsure of what to do or say, and helpless except to wait for the bus to roll its way to the right stop.

Curses, you thought in your head. This is worse than when we were back in school. What’s become of my bravery, damn it? Why can’t I find the right words to say what I mean?  

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

Finally, you and Remus made it home to Grimmauld Place.

Remus entered Grimmauld Place first. When he turned around to reach over you and close the door behind you, you suddenly found yourself somewhat trapped between Remus and the door. You naturally looked up at him, only to find Remus gazing back down at you with soft, almost sad eyes. A big lump rose in your throat. Your hand fumbled over Remus’ wrist for a moment, and then you grabbed on the cuff of his cloak. Remus breathed in sharply – you froze – then, seeing your small hand clutching so tightly at his cloak, Remus slowly began to lean in towards you… You shut your eyes and waited. Your heart was beating faster than a hummingbird’s wings in your chest. Wanting to be patient, but entirely unable to help yourself, you began to push yourself up onto your tiptoes, wishing to meet Remus’ lips faster, when –

“Oi! Moony, is that you?”

Flustered, Remus pulled away from you, and you hastily let go of his cloak.

Suddenly, Sirius, Tonks, and Bill all came galloping down the hallway, with Tonks brandishing a letter in her hand. “Remus! You’ve got an angry librarian on your tail!”

As the three of them circled around Remus, Bill said sagely, “I know you’ve only just come back, but for your own good, I wouldn’t wait on this any longer.”

Sirius shot you a look to make sure that you were all right, but once he had confirmed that you were, he paid attention to Remus, who was bleating out confusedly, “What…?”

Feeling exhausted, despite the fact that your heart was still about to pound right out of your chest, you slipped away and went up to the spare bedroom that you’d occupied before. Pulling off your cloak, you let out a heavy sigh as you flopped over onto the bed.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

“How in Merlin’s name will I be able to pay this all back?” Remus said hoarsely, staring down at the fee amount typed out in the letter.

“Perhaps you can go and bargain with the library,” Bill suggested.

Remus sighed. “Sure, I suppose that’s the best course of action, at this point.” He made to stand up.

“Moony,” Sirius said, stopping him. “All of the books listed in this letter… Did you go get your fox girl?”

Remus stared at Sirius. Meanwhile, Tonks lifted her head and watched Remus carefully, hopefully.

“Did you?” Sirius prompted.

Remus tried to remain composed and to not indicate how tortured he felt, as he answered, “She hasn’t given a response yet.” He got up from the table. “I’ll be off. Wish me luck.” With that, Remus was gone, without having had a moment’s rest from his whirlwind adventure with you.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

Once Remus was gone, Bill turned to Sirius and asked, “When you said ‘fox,’ did you mean…?”

Sirius nodded. “Yeah, her.”

“Huh,” Bill said. “I wouldn’t have guessed. Lupin did a good job of hiding his feelings for her.”

“Really?” Tonks said, smiling a bit sadly. “I thought he was rather obvious about it.” She reached over and played with the salt shaker in her hand as she murmured, “I can’t believe she didn’t just say yes. I would’ve.”

Sirius sighed lowly. “They’re both complete idiots.”

“What d’you mean?”

“Well,” Sirius explained, “before, I always thought Remus was always the intelligent one among us. James came close, but he was so bloody hyper that he couldn’t stay still enough to pay attention to his own brain. But watching Remus and fox girl together… It’s like watching a dumb baby fox and a dim-witted baby wolf chasing each other’s tails.”

Bill shrugged. “Sounds cute.”

Sirius snorted. “It’s a mind numbingly stupid relationship. They could have had each other ages ago if one of them would just stay still.”

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

You found that coming back to Grimmauld Place was both a blessing and a curse. You were able to lie on a bed and sit alone with your thoughts, which was a blessing. However, now that you were alone with your thoughts, you were intensely aware of the situation you were in and it made you so anxious that you thought you might shrivel up and die.

I’ve wanted this to happen for so long, and yet, now that it’s come to it, I’m scared to follow through with it. It’s so hard to explain, but it’s always more difficult than you expect when your dream becomes reality. Like when I finally found the Nine-Tailed Fox, it’s more than what I expected, and that’s wonderful, but it’s also completely terrifying.

You stared up at the ceiling, with your mind ringing.  I wonder what Remus is thinking… Sirius and Tonks ran right up to him as soon as we came back, holding a piece of parchment… I wonder what that was about. I felt like I was simply in the way and I couldn’t bear just standing next to Remus, when I thought we were really going to… to kiss…

With a groan, you rolled over and put your pillow on top of your head. Ugh, I’ve got such a terrible headache. I need to rest. But I wonder what Remus is doing now. It seemed serious. I do hope he hasn’t been sent on an Order mission straight away. He really needs to rest, too.

As usual, your curiosity got the better of you. After only a few more minutes, you tossed your pillow to your side and made your way downstairs.

Sirius was standing in the hallway, all alone. It looked like he had just closed the door.

You called out, “Sirius?”

Sirius turned around. You saw that he was holding a piece of parchment in his hand.

When Sirius saw you, he said at once, “What’s the matter with you? Tormenting Remus like that, after all he’s done for you.”

You blinked, alarmed. “What? I haven’t tormented Remus. I would never.”  

“Well, the problem is – you’re doing it anyways,” Sirius said matter-of-factly.

You came down the hallway, until you were standing before Sirius. “Sirius. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“About what?”

“That it was Remus who was the shapeshifter, not you.”

“Oh.” Sirius sighed. He ran his hand through his hair as he thought through his answer. “Well… It’s Remus, you know? He’s the kind-of person who’ll run away from something he wants if he doesn’t believe he deserves it. I’m sure you felt it – that whenever he had to face the fact that he was a werewolf, he distanced himself from you.”

“Yes,” you agreed. “Although, I didn’t know that was the reason, back then. I simply thought that he… well, that Remus didn’t like me as much as I liked him.”

Sirius shook his head. “If you had truly found out that Remus was a werewolf, back then, I don’t think anything could have stopped Remus from tearing himself away from you. He wouldn’t have even given you the chance to make up your mind about whether or not you were okay with it. He’d have decided for himself that you deserved better, and he would have up and left. I didn’t want that to happen. Remus is my best mate and all.” He shot you a soft smile. “If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’ve got a bit of a soft spot for him.”

You stared down at your hands for a moment. Then, you murmured quietly, “Me, too.”

“You say that, but I think you’re the one pushing Remus away this time,” Sirius said, a bit impatiently.

Your brow furrowed as you said, rather forcefully, “I am not. I would never. Not Remus.” However, a thought occurred to you and you abruptly asked, “Speaking of, where is Remus?”

Sirius stared at you impassively as he informed you, “He went off to go beg forgiveness.”

“Forgiveness? For what?”

“For defacing books.”

“Huh?”

Sirius handed you the piece of parchment. You read it. “To a certain wayward Remus J. Lupin: It has come to our attention that you defaced the following books by ripping pages out of them. Unfortunately, these books have now been deemed ‘damaged’ and you are responsible for paying the following amount to replace the value of these books: two hundred and sixty Galleons. This calculated fee is for the replacement of Mysteries of the Lost Forests; Maps of the Ancient World Volumes I, I, and II; The Secret Geography of Japan; Magical Doorways and Cupboards: How Not to Lose Your Head by Accidental Head-Sticking-into-Dangerous-Holes…

Sirius watched your expression as you realized what this letter was about. Finally, he said, in a quiet voice, “Listen, I know that Remus isn’t the best at stepping up for himself, but he went after you, right? I’d say he’s done as much as his fragile heart allows him to. Couldn’t you take the rest and meet him halfway?”

Remus came after me… That’s right. And could I – could I meet him halfway? You let out a hard breath. Then, gripping the letter in your hand, you ran out.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

Remus was desperately trying to make his case before the extremely angry librarian. “Please,” he wheedled, “I’ll make the payments. I simply need more time - ”

Unaccepting of his pleas, the librarian shot back, “You have had two months, young man - ”

“I’ll pay!” You came running into the Muggle library, holding a small object high in the air. You slammed it down before the librarian. “I’ll pay.”

The librarian stared at the object. She lifted it up and looked at you suspiciously. Keeping her voice very low, she whispered, “This is a Muggle credit card.”

“I know,” you said. “But it’s all I’ve got for now. Could you swipe it, please? Erase his fees…”

“Fine,” the librarian snapped. She swiped the card and then handed it back to you. “If it’s theft - ”

“It’s not,” you assured her. “I come from a Muggle family.”

The librarian harrumphed at you, but let you and Remus go.

As the two of you left the library, Remus asked you, ���How did you know -?”

“Sirius.”

“Ah…”

“I didn’t realize that all of those pages you lost in the mythical realm came from regular library books,” you said, laughing a little. “We should have collected them before we came back.”

Remus gave you a sheepish look. “It wouldn’t have mattered, since I tore the pages out of all the books. What I really should have done is paid more attention to everything you told me when we were back at school. Then, I wouldn’t have had to go defacing all these books.”

“Mm,” you agreed.

Your eyes met with Remus’. “But you were plenty attentive to me in school.”

Remus paused. “Was I?”

“I think so.” You carefully reached over and ran the tip of your index finger very lightly along the rip in the shoulder of his cloak. Remus jolted a little when he felt your touch, but he pretended not to react. “Remus…”

“Y-Yes?”

“You still haven’t mended your cloak.”

Remus replied, slightly hoarsely, “Well, no… I haven’t had time, you see. As soon as I got back, I was threatened by that librarian back there.”

“She was very angry,” you agreed, speaking very quietly.

“Very.”

“Very much so…”

You both leaned in towards one another…

Just then, a scarlet letter zoomed between your faces. Startled, you both leapt back.

The letter turned and began to speak: “Er – Arthur Weasley here, your mother wanted to pass on a message…” A deafening screech interrupted Arthur and rang out, “HOW DARE YOU EXPENSE MY CREDIT CARD WITHOUT WARNING? AND WHAT ON EARTH DID YOU DO TO WARRANT SUCH A HIGH EXPENSE? YOU WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU! DAUGHTER OR NOT, YOU’RE A THIEF AND - !”

At that moment, the librarian rushed out of the library doors. She ran towards you, shouting, “I knew it! Come back here!”

“Shall we go?” Remus said hastily, already grabbing your hand.

“Yes. Only, what is this?” You pulled your hand back in surprise. “Er – Remus, why have you got lemon drops?”

“Gift from Dumbledore.”

“What? From Dumble - ?”

“WHY ARE YOU GOING AROUND DEFACING BOOKS?”

“I KNEW YOU WERE A THIEF! I SHALL REPORT YOU TO THE MINISTRY AND - !”

“Let’s discuss this later, shall we?”

“Right,” you agreed.

The two of you quickly held hands again and turned – CRACK!, Apparating back to Grimmauld Place.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

You and Remus stumbled into Grimmauld Place together.

“Merlin,” you choked out, grabbing at the wall, “that was quite – quite a fiasco.”

Remus agreed, nodding haggardly at you.

You frowned at him. “Remus? You don’t look so well…”

In fact, Remus looked pale and sickly. You lifted your hand and touched his forehead.

You gasped. “You’re running a fever!”

“I’m fine,” Remus murmured, shaking his head until your hand fell off of his forehead.

“You’re not fine,” you argued back. You pressed your hand against his cheek again. “Your temperature is ridiculously high. We’ve got to get you to bed.”

“No,” Remus protested. He grabbed your hand. “Not until…”

“Don’t be foolish,” you snapped. Sliding your arm under his arm, you pulled Remus forward. “You need to get to bed. I’ll bring you a Cool-Down Potion, all right?”

Remus blinked tiredly as he let you guide him down the hallway. “But… I haven’t heard…”

You pulled Remus up the stairs and into his room. The stairs took quite a lot out of Remus. He fell over into his bed at once.

“It’s because you haven’t rested at all,” you realized, as you hurriedly tucked Remus under the covers. “You didn’t sleep on the train or the bus and then you immediately raced out to the library.”

You made Remus drink the Potion and water.

Then, as Remus laid back in bed, you berated him gently, “Why are you so terrible at taking care of yourself?”

“…Was… werewolf,” Remus sighed out, with his eyes closed.

You shook your head. “It’s not just that. You never put yourself first, even when you ought to...” You reached out and gently brushed back the curl from his forehead. You smiled, though a bit sadly at him. You wrung out a damp towel and laid it on his forehead with utmost care.

Remus’ breathing slowed a little. In fact, he seemed to breathe a lot easier as the stress of everything bled away from his body.

Be well, my love, you thought. You put too much stress on yourself for everything.

As you watched Remus sleep, you found yourself musing, At times like this, I wish I still had the Nine-Tailed Fox within my soul. She could heal you… You reached into your pocket and brought out your good luck charm – the foxtail key chain. You laid it on the bedside table besides Remus’ bed. For good luck.

An hour later, you brought over another damp towel to replace the one on his forehead. As you tiredly brushed back his stubborn curl of hair, you smiled a little, for you realized that, in a way, you’d really missed taking care of Remus.  

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

Remus’ fever broke around four that morning. With a sigh of relief, you tiredly made your way down to the kitchen to grab a drink of water and a bite to eat for yourself. As you drank your water, however, your eyes fell onto a pear and an orange, sitting in a fruit bowl on the counter.

Little things, you thought. How homely. Without thinking about it, you reached over for them…

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

When Remus woke, he found Sirius dozing about at his side.

“Pads?” Remus croaked out.

Sirius mumbled, “Go away” and buried his head more firmly against Remus’ sheets.

Remus reached out and poked Sirius in the shoulder. “Pads, I’m fine now.”

“You’re fine?” Sirius said sleepily.

“Yes.”

“Then move over.” Sirius reached out and pushed Remus off his own bed.

“Sirius!” Remus yelped, as he slid off the bed and onto the floor.

Sirius yawned. Curling up on the edge of the bed, he closed his eyes and fell back asleep.

Grumbling, Remus got up and decided to take a shower. Thankfully, he truly did feel fine. He figured that his fever yesterday had been more a result of exhaustion than anything else.

As Remus walked over to the dresser to grab a clean set of clothes, his eyes fell onto the small keychain on top of his bedside table. He came closer and picked it up. Instantly, he knew what it was.

Lovely… He held it tightly in his hand for a moment. I’m still waiting for your response.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

To Remus’ dismay, he didn’t see you for the entire day. No one seemed to know where you had gone. Remus tried to act normal – to talk to Sirius, Bill, and Tonks; to eat the huge helping of soup that Molly made him; and to apologize to Moody for taking off on the Order without any notice.

In truth, Remus was getting increasingly nervous. What if Lovely left? What if a new myth sprung up out of nowhere and called to her? Or what if I put too much pressure on her?

By nightfall, Remus was feeling miserable. He curled up on his bed (with new, clean sheets, courtesy of Molly) and stared out at the hauntingly bright full moon.

I’m fully human now, but sometimes, when it’s the full moon, I still feel a strange growling in my chest. I suppose this is what some people mean by ‘phantom limb.’

But today, I know what the growling’s about. It’s a hunger and an impatience and a worry – for Lovely.

Just then, someone knocked on his bedroom door. Knock, knock.

Remus got off of the bed and tiredly shuffled over to the door. He didn’t even bother to push up the too-long sleeves of his jumper as he reached out and grasped the doorknob and turned it. he opened the door –

“Um, sorry to bother you,” you said softly.

Remus breathed out. “No, not at all.” He paused, before he murmured, in a soft rush, “I’m glad to see you. When I didn’t see you all day, I wondered if maybe you’d left…”

“No, I didn’t leave. I merely went out for a little while. I mean, I didn’t mean to stay out quite this late. I simply lost track of time.”

“Yes, you do that sometimes.”

“Do I?”

“Yes, often.”

“Oh…”

You both fell silent for a moment. Remus looked at you curiously. You were wearing an oversized, frumpy cardigan and your hair was a soft mess. Perhaps you had pinned it up in the morning, but it was now falling lopsided down the side of your head. Your socks were mismatched and one of your shoelaces was untied. You had dark circles under your eyes and you were looking a bit peaky.

You flushed slightly, thinking that Remus was trying to figure out what you wanted so that he could send you on your way. “I’m sorry,” you apologized. “I realize it’s three in the morning, but I’ve only now returned. ”

“Is it three?” Remus mused. “I didn’t know.”

“Right, you must have been sleeping. Sorry.”

“No, I was… thinking.”

“Well, may I come in?” you asked. “Or would I be bothering you?”

Remus opened his door further, so that you could walk in.

As you came in, Remus realized, “Wait. You only just returned? What were you out doing?”

Meanwhile, you sat on the floor. Remus realized then that you had been carrying a rather hefty bag on your shoulder. You dropped it down onto the floor and it made a rather clunky thunk! sound, as you answered brightly, “Shopping.”

Sitting next to you, Remus asked, “What did you buy?”

You reached into your bag and pulled out a small box, which you handed to Remus. “Here.”

Remus looked down at it. “A sewing kit?”

“To patch up the hole in your cloak,” you reminded him.

“Ah, yes. Thank you.” Remus began to get up, to put the sewing kit on the bedside table, next to your foxtail key chain when suddenly, you put a mug into his lap.

“Take this too,” you said earnestly.

Confused, Remus looked back down. “Oh…”

You placed an Earl Grey tea bag carefully on top of the mug. “And this.”

“Thanks,” Remus said. “I’ll save this for the morn - ”

You reached back into your bag and pulled out an orange before placing it in Remus’ lap, too. “Also this.”

“Er, thank you - ”

“Hold it, wait. Yes, here we are. Have these, Remus.” Out came a pear, followed by three chocolate bars.

“Thanks very much.”

“And… Oh, where’d that thing go?” You put your hand back into your bag and rummaged around, only to fish out a spool of knitting yarn.

Seeing that there was no space on Remus’ lap, you put the yarn on the floor, next to his knee.

“Thank – Um, what is all of this?” Remus finally asked, bewildered.

“One second, Rem.” Instead of answering Remus, you were busy tugging out a jazz record from the depths of what Remus now realized was a very big bag. You pushed the record towards Remus, accidentally pushing the yarn up onto his lap, on top of the fruit.

Remus thought you were done, when you revealed that you had also brought an Astronomy book and a blue, glittering tapestry-like blanket, featuring different stars and constellations.

“It’s not exactly the same as before, but I thought it would suffice.” You pushed the heavy book and blanket towards Remus, and the jazz record now piled into his lap and dug slightly into his stomach.

Having had enough, Remus finally grabbed your hands to stop your seeming bout of madness. “Lovely, what are you doing? Suffice for what?”

You stopped. Oh… He hasn’t realized yet.

Remus realized that your hands were trembling – very slightly, but definitely trembling.

Suddenly worried, Remus whispered, “Lovely?”

You lifted your head. The moonlight illuminated your face and Remus could see soft tears in your eyes, threatening to spill over.

“Is this why you’ve been gone all day?” Remus asked you. “Were you gathering all of these things?”

You slowly nodded.

Remus was still holding onto your wrists. You slid your hands down into his and then started to slip your fingers between his. Realizing what you wanted, Remus quickly opened his hands a little, so that you could hold his hands.  

“But why?” Remus wondered, and he spoke in the gentlest voice possible. “Is something wrong?” His breath caught. “Do you mean to leave again, and that’s why you’ve brought me all of these things – to say goodbye with?”

Squeezing his hands tightly, you whispered, “No, I’m not planning on leaving.”

Remus let out a hard breath.

You were a bit surprised by how hard your words seem to hit Remus. You’d never thought about leaving Remus, honestly. “Remus?” you said, concerned. “Were you worried that I had left?”

“I know it’s not logical,” Remus replied quickly. “And I know, too, that I’ve practiced saying goodbye to you a thousand times over.”

“But I can’t help it,” Remus continued. He squeezed your hands back as he spoke. “No matter how many times we say good-bye, no matter how distant you and I are supposed to be, no matter how many other people are around me… If I have to go through the world, without any link to you, I can survive, yes, but I feel lonely. I feel so lonely.”

“Oh, Remus…” you whispered feelingly.

“Sorry, I’m being too much,” he apologized, unable to meet your eyes.

“No, you’re not. I know,” you assured him.

Remus cautiously lifted his head. “You do?”

“Yes.” As you spoke, your answer was so honest that you felt your heart ache, and you suddenly felt like crying.

Remus gazed into your eyes. “You’re about to cry… Why, Lovely? I didn’t mean to hurt you again.”

You shook your head. “It’s only that I know that loneliness so well.”

Remus’ eyes dimmed. “I’m sorry,” he said, recognizing, even without you telling him, that he was the one who gave you that loneliness, the same way you gave him his.

“But you said I’m allowed to find a home in you, between my adventures…” Your voice lilted slightly, uncertainly, as you checked, “Right?”

Remus replied confidently, “Yes, I can offer that to you now. It’s finally a promise that I can keep.”

“Because you’re no longer a werewolf?” you whispered.

When Remus nodded, you sighed. “Remus… If that’s what you truly think, that makes me feel lonely, too.”

Remus’ expression became one of complete confusion. “What? Why?”

Bringing one of his hands up to your lips, you brushed your lips against the back of Remus’ hand as you murmured, “Because the truth is that I already found one in you all those years ago, when you and I shared that small attic space. I don’t think you realized it, but when you started to bring your things up to that space, one by one, I felt so happy. At the same time that you were making what was once my space ours, I was… I was finding a home in you…” You shivered suddenly. “I tried not to let you know how much it all meant to me because I was afraid you might run away from me.”

Remus’ eyes softened, but they also saddened, as he whispered, “I wouldn’t have run away from you because of you, Lovely. I would have run away from you – I did run away from you – to spare you from me.”

“That,” you whispered fervently. “That is the point that we have to talk about before we – before we fall in love all over again.”

Remus shook his head, not comprehending you.

“Don’t you see?” you urged. “It’s not as simple as saying we’ll be together. We’ve been together, Remus. Because all that time, I was finding my home in you.”

Remus held his breath as he watched you gently nuzzle the back of his hand and he heard you confess, “I don’t want to merely ‘start over.’ I want a full life with you, including all of the things that came before today. Yes, we hurt each other. Yes, we were immature. Yes, we didn’t believe in ourselves the way we should have to be truly good partners. But I loved you, Remus. You have always been my home, including the werewolf part of you that I didn’t even know I was in love with, but I was. That’s why I can’t simply say, ‘yes, I’ll date you’ and have you mistakenly think that we can be together now because you’re no longer a werewolf. I can’t have you believing anything even close to that. Because then, the next time you see your wolf, you’ll hate him even more. And I – You’ve every right to feel the way you want to towards yourself, but Remus, when you hate your wolf self, it hurts me. So – So, I want to be with you, I do, more than anything. But I have to – I have to do it right. I have to make you understand that I don’t want to ‘start over’ if starting over means ignoring our past.”

Remus suddenly covered his face with his hands. “But Lovely,” he whispered, in a muffled voice, “I’m ashamed of my past. When I think about how I treated you…”

You grasped his wrists and gently pulled his hands away from is face. “Remus,” you whispered. You gestured lightly at all of the objects piled around Remus. “I’ve brought you things from our past because… I’d like to… See, what I’m doing is…”

“What?” Remus whispered, and his whispers mingled with yours, like clouds of mist curling around each other.

You finally finished, in a voice bleeding all over with vulnerability and with care. “I’m asking you to let me come back home…”

Remus grew still, as the weight of your words, the weight of your love, hit him.

At the same time, you slowly began to shiver. You’d finally made your move, and you hoped you’d done it right, and you also hoped that now, Remus might… he might… You started to lean towards Remus, wanting him so terribly that it was a genuine ache in your heart and your tummy, but then you shifted back, not wanting to rush him in any way. Soon, you were oscillating back and forth, shifting before him.

As for Remus, perhaps it was his wolfish self responding to the full moon, but he was very aware of your shivering and his stillness meeting. In fact, the very air around him seemed to hum with a strange, secret energy as your voice and your words and your very being melded into Remus’ shape and shadow. It was as if the moon had long since harbored this secret desire to bring her two, lost children together.

Suddenly, to Remus, you seemed to be both the closest and furthest thing to him. At long last, the two of you had finally fumbled together, to this time and space, and the air was laced with the dizzying revelation of a long-held, precious secret.

Remus’ hazel eyes had never been so bright as in that moment. “Home?” he whispered.

The tears in your eyes threatened to spill as you nodded back and said, “To you…” Your voice became quite soft and blurry, too, matching the silvery, moonlit tears in your eyes, as you finished, “…Please.”

At your last word, foxtail ferns, born of ice, suddenly sprouted all across the window behind you and Remus, encasing you both in a cracked, temporary, and imperfect world – and yet this difficult world was heavenly tender in its very fragility. That, you realized, was what it meant to make a home of someone else’s soul. It meant to give love where love had never existed before and to slowly mend the walls of the old, forgotten rooms of fairytale and secrets.

You shifted forward. You gazed at Remus, at his soft, tired eyes that seemed especially luminous today (perhaps it was the remnants of his werewolf self awakening to the bright full moon in the sky), that ever-stubborn curl on his forehead, or the many scars crisscrossing his cheeks and jaw. For a moment, your heart ached because Remus wore the signs of his life on his body and being in a way that few people could and at the same time that you loved him for it, you also wanted to heal him and shield him from any more hurts that might befall him.  

I suppose love was never happiness for me, you thought hazily, as you let yourself fall in love with Remus all over again as you sat besides him and looked at him. I never sought happiness and safety, the way many people do. Those things are too worldly, too narrow of concepts. I’m drawn instead to sadness, which, much like myth, is a wide, blue world where any thought might become truth, so long as there is a will behind it. I’m drawn to soft hurts and unexplainable scars and devilish moonlight and complicated secrets and imperfect love… I’m drawn to journeys where we can strive for, but never achieve, those things we want most, in our heart or hearts… Remus Lupin, whether werewolf or human, you’re like me, for you are also a child of myth. Of course we can never love each other perfectly, for our souls are obscured with fog and moonlight, but that’s all right. Love is half-forgotten kisses at twilight, anyways, and forging dark secrets in each other’s souls at the bottom of the sea, while the rest of the world moves on overhead.

Remus blinked nervously as you came closer and closer to him. “I brought all my stuff with me,” you whispered to him. “And I won’t move too much stuff around in your soul. I’ll be careful making my home in your soul. I know I can be a bit spontaneous and I’m not the most responsible person, but I promise I’ll be good. I can practice being nice.” You closed your eyes and you leaned into him, meaning very much to kiss him, if he’d have you. But you were slightly too short to reach his lips, since everything in Remus’ lap was creating distance between the two of you. Your brow furrowed as you searched for Remus for a second – Then, Remus pushed everything off of his lap, reached out and grasped you by your waist, and pulled you right into his lap – and he kissed you, softly but lovingly and desperately matching his soft, shivering lips to your searching ones. 

You breathed out a slow, aching gasp. Remus… Your mind blanked for a moment, as the love in your heart swelled so hard it hurt. At the same time, it was dizzyingly strange how familiar and natural it felt to have Remus kiss you. As soon as his lips touched yours, you couldn’t understand why in the world you’d spent any part of your life distant from him. And yet, how many long years have passed since we were together like this? Entire lifetimes, it seems… You let out another long, trembling breath, trying to hold back from kissing Remus all over, despite the clear truth that every atom in your body wanted nothing more than to do just that. 

In a husky, low voice, Remus murmured, with his lips still pressed against yours, “There’s nothing to be careful about, Lovely. Everything in my soul is meant to hold your heart.”  Then, he leaned his head down and pressed his lips to your chest, just over your heart.

You grabbed onto his shoulders and you shuddered all over, shivering away in his lap, as you felt his lips claim you. You’d been aching for him for so long, but he was here now, with you, loving you. You closed your eyes tightly – a tear streaked down your cheek – and you let out a soft, arching moan that mirrored the deep ache that you felt in your heart.

“Don’t cry,” Remus whispered, as he kissed his way up your neck and then catch your fallen tear on your cheek with his lips. “Maybe I can’t give you happiness, but you shouldn’t cry like this.”

You breathed out rather harshly and you opened your eyes just enough to see Remus hugging you tightly around your middle, and then kissing your tear away. Pulling you tighter into his lap, Remus kissed his way up the trail, until you had to shut your left eye as Remus kissed that, too.

“Rem…” you whispered fervently. You slid your arms around his shoulders and hid your face away against his neck. Then, a bit childishly, you said, “Haven’t you caught on by now? I’m crying out of happiness, you idiot.”

Remus laughed softly. “And the truth comes out. You think I’m an idiot, huh?” He soothingly ran his hands over your back for a moment, before he reached down and lifted your face again to kiss you again, for he felt he absolutely had to kiss you again.

You managed to part your lips just a little – and Remus caught your lips perfectly with his, and you both melted into that soft, wanting kiss. “Mmm, yes,” you breathed out softly.

“Yes to the kiss or yes to my being an idiot?” Remus wondered, as he let his lips graze your cheeks for a moment.

“Both,” you whispered back. “Always bo – mmm.” You let your head fall back a little as Remus kissed you more deeply. You squeezed your thighs against his hips and Remus squeezed you back, with his arms wrapped all around your shoulders and waist, and you both smiled tiredly into your kiss.  

“See?” you whispered teasingly. “Aren’t I being nice?”

Remus smiled. “Yes, very well-mannered. But there’s no need to hold back for my sake, Lovely.”

“You gave me permission now, mind,” you pointed out.

Remus nodded. Then, he wondered, “Well, but what are you planning on doing with me?”

“You’ll see,” you whispered. Ducking your head down, you gently bit at his shoulder, making Remus breathe out a bit harshly, before you came back to claim another kiss from him. You slid your hands into his soft hair, pushing back his curl for one second, and then pulling him tighter to you, to kiss him more passionately. Tangling your fingers in his locks, you tugged rather hard at his hair for a moment as you kissed him with all of your might.

Remus breathed out again in surprise, but he responded in equal fervor, and he slowly began to run his hands all over you.

His hands, you thought fondly, as you melted quite willingly into his grasp. I always remembered how much I loved his hands, but goodness, I think I’ve forgotten quite how wonderful it feels when he touches me.

Remus ran his hands all over your thighs and hips and briefly grasped at your neck, too, but when he accidentally felt his fingers slip under your shirt, he stuttered to a stop.

“Don’t,” you blurted out at once. “Don’t stop, Remus.”

Remus hesitated.

“Please,” you breathed out.

Watching you with careful eyes, Remus slowly pushed his hands in under your shirt.

O-Oh… You trembled in his lap, feeling overwhelmed with how much you loved being touched by him. You gripped Remus’ hair harder and you showered his face and neck with kisses.

“Lovely,” Remus breathed out.

“Hm?”

“Why you’re trembling so much?”

You looked up at Remus wit a flushed face as you confessed, rather breathily, “Because, you’ve made me wait far too long for this. And it all feels like too much when it’s you touching me.”

“Is that so?” Remus wondered.

You closed your eyes and nodded. “Mhm…”

Remus asked quietly, “It’s not because you’re disgusted by me?”

You reached up with one hand and pressed your fingers against Remus’ lips. “Shush,” you scolded him. “No lies today, please.”

“Hm…” Remus wrapped his arms around your waist again and he nuzzled your forehead with his nose. “All right, then.” He placed a kiss on your forehead as he whispered, “Then I ought to confess… that I’ve missed you, Lovely.”

It seemed like a simple sentiment, “I miss you,” but it was capable of holding so much warmth and feeling and in that moment – it did.

You pressed a kiss back on his jaw as you whispered back, “Missed you too, Rem.”

Then, lifting your head, you stroked his face tenderly as you murmured, “Can you ask me, Remus?”

“Ask you what?”

“To come home.”

Remus’ heart thumped at your request. He sat up and looked at you. Hesitantly, he reached over and gently brushed your hair out of the way. He cupped your face in his hand as he whispered warmly, “Won’t you come home to me? It’s not much. It’s a rather run-down home, but…”

Remus fell silent as you had already snuggled up against him, pushing your hands up against his chest and fitting perfectly against him while still sitting in his lap. You were quietly crying, and you had your face tight pressed against his shoulder. But all the while, you were kissing his shoulder over and over again and you were clutching onto him with all you had.

Remus closed his eyes and kept pressing soft kisses all over your forehead and the top of your head, as he held you and rocked you a little, finding warmth and comfort in being able to hold you like this.

A moment later, he murmured, “You’re still crying… Tell me why, Lovely.”

You wrapped your arms around him and let out a long, slow breath before you confessed, “Because I finally feel safe.”

Remus kissed you a little longer on your forehead.

“What about you, Rem?” you wondered. “Do you feel safe with me, too?”

“Yes,” he replied. “But not just in this moment… What I mean is, everything about me feels safe with you. You’re my home, too, you know.”

You smiled. That was all I ever wanted to hear, you thought. That he trusted me. That he loved me back. That I could be his equal in giving love and care.

Sliding back into his lap, you wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned in and kissed him deeply again. It was a slow kiss, but deep and lingering…

You both fell into a soft, misty daze of fervent kisses and happiness so strong it felt like sadness, as you both realized how much you had missed each other and how wonderful it felt to finally be able to breathe again. It felt like a cloud was coming to take you away. It wrapped itself around the two of you, smothering you in a thick, tender feeling of nostalgia and future, all mixed together.

Meanwhile, a soft, quiet rain began to fall outside, hiding your precious love away from the rest of the world, and drawing the two of you into a world where you were completely apart from the rest of the world, and therefore wholly and entirely together.

[lieran03]

Smile on My Face

Love and Deepspace fanfic

It doesn't matter in which universe Rafayel was.

All he could was smile when he saw his lover walk away from him.

Song inspiration: Smile on My Face - EXO Genre: angst Pairing: Rafayel x fem!reader [usage Ayzen as the name] Words: 2.7k Warning: none Originally posted on AO3: HERE!

I have a writing commission open, you can check it here if you're interested! Info is HERE~ [repost are very appreciated]

In a world where Rafayel wasn’t a merman, when Rafayel didn’t have evol from the start, he has already fallen for a certain someone that was so far away for him. Maybe it was his curse from the start, or maybe it was his destiny from the start. But he couldn’t help himself from falling in love with a woman that he never knew was never meant for him. Was it all for his works? Though he might be in a different world, though he may be in a different year, he would always be around his line of work.

Now that he was Rafayel, a Rafayel who stayed in Linkon City, he was fated to meet with the same person again. Ayzen. A woman that he decided to make her as his bodyguard. Was it all just a selfish desire of him? Or it was out of concern for his own safety? Rafayel couldn’t decide which one, he only wanted to validate his own action. Yet, now that he couldn’t really see why he wanted to keep the girl beside him, Rafayel decided to just say, he was concerned for his own safety in Linkon City.

“I always wonder, Rafayel,” his bodyguard started to talk. Rafayel who was busy with his food, the two of them eating out—Rafayel said so he could have a new inspiration—only stared at the girl for a few seconds before looking at other places. “Nowadays, you seem pretty out of it. It was like, you’re gazing into an old memory.”

“I think Miss Bodyguard here started to take a fancy to me,” Rafayel answered with his usual sarcastic tone. “I think you observe me too much. Was it for work? Or do you do that because you’re interested in me?”

“Keep dreaming then,” Ayzen answered,  groaning before she finished her food. “I need to go back to my office after this, please just go back to your home after this.”

“Wait, this isn’t the deal!” Rafayel shouted, showing his dissatisfaction with the woman’s words. “YOU should have kept me safe until I got home, there’s no way I’m going back alone! If that’s how you will act, then I won’t move from this place!”

Rafayel let out a low hmph before he crossed his hand in front of his chest, he even looked away, pouting a bit to show his bodyguard he didn’t like her way of talking. While closing his eyes, Rafayel was thinking to himself, again. What’s with his action just now? Was it all because he really didn’t want to be attacked by a Wanderer or someone else? Or maybe, all Rafayel wanted was the woman that he loved even in another universe to be by his side for as long as he could.

Even though she didn’t remember him.

“Okay, okay, I will stay,” Ayzen sighed while agreeing with Rafayel, didn’t want the man to keep on sulking.

With a slight smile, Rafayel was holding back, he finally looked back at Ayzen. “As my token of gratitude, I will tell you a story.” Ayzen tilted her head, wondering what kind of story Rafayel would tell her this time. “It was about a man who traveled the universe.”

“You’re really fond of tell-tales, was this another myth of yours? Or was this someone you know again?”

Rafayel couldn’t answer the question immediately. He couldn’t just say to Ayzen that the story was about the two of them. It was no longer about how he was a merman, it was not about him having evol and met with a child version of Ayzen.

It was Rafayel, an ordinary painter, who met with a woman who appreciated art as much as appreciating the painter. The story was about Rafayel, who met with Ayzen, the only person who wanted to know the person behind the painting. Although Rafayel tries his best to cover his identity, Ayzen is the only person who still tries her best to find him, wanting to appreciate all of his work and help others to know his name more.

***

Rafayel stares into his painting, a faceless woman that has an abstract feature. It’s not for his aesthetic, it’s not because he didn’t want others to see the face of the woman. The only reason was because he couldn’t remember the face of the woman he painted.  Rafayel could no longer remember the owner of the face. All of it has turned into faint memories. Even now, when he was trying his hardest to remind himself so he could make the best painting, he could not remember it.

The memory of the woman he used to love was still pretty vague when he tried to recollect it.

Though that happened, Rafayel could still remember the name of the woman. He could easily remember the name that he had been following for years. How could he forget the name of the person he loved? How could he forget the name who supported him until this moment? Rafayel thought that remembering the woman’s name was enough, he thought, that the name could make him remember everything. He was wrong. Now that he started to mumble her name in silence, nothing appeared.

Not his memories.

Not their moments.

Not his feelings for her.

There was another thing that Rafayel could remember perfectly about the woman. Though her face was blurry, he could see the woman standing in front of him. Was it a sorrowful smile? Or was it a disappointed look? Or maybe, it was a smile out of regret? Rafayel couldn’t choose which one was the right now, he didn’t want to know, it’s better for him to left clueless and wondering until this moment, when he knew he wouldn’t be able to meet with the woman anymore. Rafayel felt more at ease when he couldn’t remember any of it.

“Rafayel, you want to know one thing?” The woman, Ayzen, spoke with a low voice, she was holding back a sigh. “There’s one thing that actually bothered me so much. We’ve known for years, Rafayel, but you never drew me even though you said you wanted to.”

It was such a silly excuse, it was such a stupid reason for her to say. Ayzen should have known better than anyone. That Rafayel always drew her but never put it into his exhibition. For Rafayel, the face she makes in his painting was solely for him. Her smiling face, her crying self, her laughing expression, their moments. People change, it was one thing that made Rafayel think back. Maybe, the woman he was with has grown tired of himself, with his antics, with his voice, with his existence.

That’s the only reason Rafayel could think of.

Ayzen wanted to end their relation.

Maybe, after all, Ayzen was a heartbreaker.

It was another exhibition of his, just a few days, or weeks—Rafayel couldn’t remember much—after Ayzen left him. He was trying to act strong, he was trying his best to act like nothing was wrong, like he hadn’t been left by his lover. When he was explaining his next painting, there she was. Standing in the middle of the crowd, looking at his painting intently like there was nothing wrong. Her expression, her act, there was no hint of regret or even guilt. She even looked like she was fine without him by her side.

It was different from what she used to say.

“Is there something wrong, Rafayel?” One of the guests started to realize Rafayel was silent. He even locked his eyes somewhere else, onto one person only. “Do you need a break?”

“No,” Rafayel answered strictly, staring at the woman who came to his exhibition for another second before he stared into his painting, dedicated to the unknown.

“We would listen more about your painting, Rafayel.”

It was Ayzen.

How could she say it like nothing was wrong? How could she talk like there was never anything in their relation before? Does their relation before mean nothing to her? Was all those years he spent with her only for her to dig something about him? Rafayel could swear he felt his heart clenched when he once again stared at Ayzen. Her stares, the way she looks at him, it look like nothing happened between the two of them before.

It didn’t look like they just broke up.

“Yes,” Rafayel started, his voice shaky for a few seconds. If the woman acted like nothing was wrong, if the woman he loved behaved like they had nothing special before, he should too. “I would like to introduce my painting to others too.”

Then Rafayel guess, everything is fine now.

Rafayel needs to move on.

The second time it happened, Rafayel decided to buy a quick breakfast before he started to brainstorm for his next painting and exhibition. Just before he took his own food, he saw the last person he wanted to meet. The woman he thought would never appear before his eyes was there, standing in front of the door dumbstruck. Even she couldn’t understand their meeting.

Or did she do it on purpose so they could meet?

It was just an accidental meeting between two past lovers. Rafayel just happened to meet with Ayzen again. But just like that, the woman just gave a small smile, it was either a smile to him as a greeting, or it was to herself, thought about something, or maybe it was out of politeness to others in the building. If before their eyes would lock for a long time, this time Ayzen easily walked away, disappearing like a white light in front of Rafayel.

And just like that, she passes by like the wind.

Ayzen disappears naturally from Rafayel’s life.

A small smile can be seen on Rafayel’s face. He stares at the faceless woman in front of him with a smile, remembering the moment when they were not more than two strangers who happened to pass by together. Now, the traces of their love have disappeared from Rafayel’s memories. All he could remember, the only thing he could remember about Ayzen was their parting and her disappearance.

Rafayel knows fully, that there’s still a possibility for him to remember all about Ayzen, there’s a big possibility for him to be reminded of the lovely moments he spent with his lover. But even so, even if that moment came, Rafayel would only smile and send the memory back to the deepest end of his mind. He will just smile while pushing away the memories he had, forgetting everything like there was nothing, like the name Ayzen has no meaning for him at all.

Just like now.

***

Ayzen stares at Rafayel, wondering why the man didn’t speak for minutes. He only stares into her eyes, like trying to dig something deep within her. Feeling a bit uncomfortable, Ayzen knocked on the table, calling out to Rafayel from his daydream. The man blinked a few times, remembering where he was at the moment. In front of him, there was Ayzen, the person that he used to love, the woman that even now still makes bubbles in his stomach.

Was it fate?

Or was it a dream?

Is destiny this cruel to make him meet with the same person who left him in another universe?

Not wanting Ayzen to suspect him of something unreasonable, Rafayel gives a weak smile to the girl. Just like now, he decided to smile and send all of his memories to the back of his mind. Slowly, his smile grew bigger when he started to forget the pain he used to feel inside of himself. Rafayel knows, that no one has to be hurt, not him, or even Ayzen. None of them should be hurt by the past of their other universe.

Rafayel didn’t grab Ayzen’s hand when she walked away, so there’s no reason for him, this time, to be holding onto her hand and saying that she has to stay by his side. In this universe, they were no more than a painter and a bodyguard. In this universe, they didn’t see each other as a lover. All Rafayel wanted was to send Ayzen off with a smile.

A smile on his face.

“Miss Bodyguard, I thought that you have something to do.”

“Huh? You are the one who said I need to accompany you!” Ayzen shouted in defense. Not wanting to be the one to blame, Rafayel changes his smile into a smirk. “What …?”

“Then I would really guess you fancy me. For you to listen to my words so obediently. Should I reward you with something?"

Had enough of Rafayel teasing, Ayzen groaned. “You know what? I started to regret spending minutes while you were sitting there and staring into me like you wanted to kill me. Even if you call me and say you are dying, I won’t come!”

Ayzen left Rafayel without a second thought, she even didn’t look back at him just to make sure if he was angry or not. With that too, Rafayel decided to just smile. He was sending her off with a smile on his face. Rafayel stood while watching from the window how Ayzen started to slowly become farther from him. Something inside of his mind says that he shouldn’t be too far away from her, making him walk out of the place where they had eaten together before and watch her from outside.

Standing near the door, Rafayel crossed his arms in front of his chest, watching closely and blankly at the woman who still didn’t look back even once. All the energy Rafayel had had gone, though he didn’t know why, though Rafayel couldn’t understand why. He was only watching Ayzen become further from him, but it only made him weak. Rafayel couldn’t understand why he was like that.

While holding his sigh, another thought suddenly went through his mind. It was just like the day Rafayel decided to let Ayzen go. It was, in another universe, another universe from the heartbreak one. Rafayel stood there motionless, watching as the woman he loved held a painful smile. This time, Rafayel could read her expression easily. And this time, Rafayel didn’t hesitate to ask.

“Why? Why are you leaving me?”

But instead of an answer, instead of a reply, Ayzen only hug him tightly. The warm hug felt like she didn’t want to let him go yet, the hug she gave was like wanting to share another moment together. It feels like Ayzen just said, don’t go yet, let me have your warmth for another second, another minute. At that moment, feeling the tight and long hug, Rafayel knows perfectly. That was the moment Rafayel knew it was their end, their relations end there.

And that’s how Ayzen started to go far away.

Like her at this exact moment.

Rafayel smiled while watching his favorite Hunters, his Miss Bodyguard, helping some kids with their balloons, sometimes she stopped to watch the fountain near there like a little kid. His smile started to grow bigger before it turned into a low chuckle, a laugh. Rafayel loved watching it all. He never stops smiling, and with that, he knows, he perfectly realizes it.

Everything about Ayzen is so clear.

Her name.

Her eyes.

Everything.

Aside from everything that seems small, Rafayel knows it too. The memories of him loving Ayzen, the memories of their lovely moment, whether it was in one universe, or in another universe, he could remember it vividly even in this universe. Rafayel could remember everything as a Rafayel in Linkon City. Though he admit he was burying the memory, it was actually buried inside of his heart naturally. He keeps the memories inside of his heart instead of his mind.

All about Ayzen was always in his heart.

Because Rafayel wanted to send her off with a smile.

Rafayel did it all with a smile on his face, sending her off, burying their memories from other universes, and when he decided to let her go and not hold her back.

“Miss Bodyguard,” Rafayel started, watching as the woman he called out went blurry since she was far away. “Ayzen, if you want … I can just stay. I will just stay. Here like this, I’ll just stay like you wanted. I will stay ….”

“And waited for us to meet in another universe.”