#couldn’t even bring myself to be sad at the ending bc I was so overcome w the felling of 'what the hell was that'

[frunbuns]

I think one of the saddest things about this season is that during the final episode I just wanted it to end so I could get it over with

[yandere-sins]

Hey there^^ Haven't done a request for quite a while but I'm pretty stuck myself and I could really use something to lift my mood, too, and your writing always does that :) So, I thought of Satan or Lucifer with prompt 3 and 34, maybe? If it's not too much it'd be nice if the reader could be rather anxious (my anxiety is really acting up these days .-.) but that's not that important

Have a nice day and stay healthy ^^

Blue

Hi Blue! Thank you for requesting ^-^ I decided to do some Satan bc I have another Lucifer request and this way we can have some variety :D Please enjoy! ^-^

Pills - “Be a good girl and sit still. You don’t want me to be unhappy right?”

Stickers - “One more time. I’m giving you one more chance to stop fucking resisting.

»»———————— ♡ ————————««  

“Be a good girl and sit still. You don’t want me to be unhappy, right?”

His demand sounded reasonable, and his voice was calm. Still, the hand clutching your thigh was too rough with your skin, the fingers digging into it painfully. Immediately, you stopped bopping your foot, a nervous habit you hadn’t even noticed you started.

How long had you been sitting in his lap for now? An hour? Two? It felt like the whole morning and was probably more like the entire day, but through the partially hidden window in Satan’s room, you couldn’t make out the time of day, even if the Devildom had varying daytime-lightning outside. But this way, you could only count the pages Satan had already read as any indications of time, even though it wasn’t a reliable source.

Clenching your fists on top of your legs, you wondered what else there was you could do. Perhaps it was one thing to read the day away, but it was an entirely different one when you were just the lapdog to someone doing it. Even if you showed interest in books, Satan preferred to keep you close to him, and unfortunately, his favorite reading chair didn’t allow two people to read comfortably. That, and the constant fear you might actually find something useful to slip out of his grip, made him decide that you could read only with him or not at all.

It was just a problem that the language of the book he was reading wasn’t one you could understand.

All you were reduced to was a stiff, anxious, warm body sitting on top of him, hoping that soon Satan would decide to do anything else. You couldn’t live with his suggestions of taking baths together or being left alone for hours to no end while he took care of daily business, but this was the third day in a row where things were simply... too calm.

You had been quick to cease bringing up arguments. Satan had scared you once when he grew angry before your life took this turn by his side. Still, it was nothing compared to the violent and oppressive force he used on you now when you acted ‘unsuitable’, as he called it. Part of you wanted nothing more than to scratch his face, bite and kick, but when you brought up the courage to stand up for yourself and your rights, his exuding magic alone made you crumble to your knees in primal, inferior fear, knowing all the bad things he would do to you if you pushed it any more than you already had.

Wherever he took the patience from, it was wearing thin regardless of its masses.

That, and that alone, was the reason you even listened to what he said.

Looking down at yourself, you might not have been able to see any bruises left on you, but you felt them in every flinching of your muscles. The soreness, the pain - they never disappeared, and Satan wasn’t going to help you forget by applying magic to heal them.

Instead, he caressed your thigh with his hand, fingers circling over your skin menacingly. Perhaps from an outside view, it looked almost sweet, but you felt nothing short of a warning from his touch. Every touch was calculated. A game. Maybe he truly wanted to help you calm, but you wouldn’t have put it past Satan to actually try and provoke you to do something stupid. It was his way of forgiving the bad things he did to you, much like an eye for an eye. He disapproved of many things, but he couldn’t quite justify his actions if you didn’t act up. Satan swore up and down that he preferred cats over dogs, but god beware you’d behave like one. Unknown sadistic tendencies seemed to ride him when it came to you, and from what you understood, you were his place of comfort and peace when you were in his arms and his punchbag if you made his days worse than they needed to be.

But arguably, you were just his; all he needed, either way.

Worse thoughts crossed your mind than this. Ideas of how similar he was to Lucifer when it came to oppressing, but you would have taken the eldest brother’s help without even a moment of hesitation. At the same time, you wanted nothing more than to get away from Satan. 

Encountering a sudden change of mood was what you feared the most. It happened too often. Satan wasn’t that hard to please, but he unexpectedly and sharply changed moods for no apparent reasons, just like a teenager.

What if he read a passage in his book he disliked? What if your foot began to bop again? What if your breathing was too loud? What if he decided you were too heavy... When would it stop? When would the worries finally go away?

He loved you. He told you he loved you, so why were you a prisoner in his room? Why did he refuse to let you go? See other people? Sleep in your own bed for a change? And why was he enraged every time such a wish crossed your mind?

The book in his hand lowered as you sunk deeper and deeper into your panicked thoughts, wondering what you should do from now on to stay on his good side and maybe regain your privileges. So many emotions fogged your senses; you didn’t even hear him take a deep breath as his eyes narrowed while they focused on your leg, nervously bopping up and down again.

However, you did notice the sudden jerk as he threw you off his lap, pain shooting through your body as you scrapped your knees on the floor. You hit the stacks of books Satan threw you into, hardcovers falling down on you, making you yelp as they felt like bombs raining down onto your body.

“What’s the matter this time?” he asked, standing up and closing the book. It took a lot of courage to look up at him, Satan’s pretty face and perfect posture as intimidating as the waspish shine in his deep green eyes. You perceived it as cold and belittling as he looked down on you, standing over your legs.

“I want to go home--” you whispered, close to tears as you averted your eyes from his, unable to look at him when he glared back at you so resentfully.

“[Name],” he called out to you in the most condescending way you could imagine someone speaking your name. However, you no longer could bear looking him in the eyes, and so, you let your head hang low, expecting the worst but hoping it was over soon.

“How long will you keep complaining. I was so good to you the last few days, wasn’t I? It’s all because you said you were unhappy with me, so I bettered myself, yet, you behave just the same. When will you realize this is home?”

Hearing this from him, you felt your heart break. Hearing that this dangerous, painful situation should be a norm and comfort for you made you want to throw up. But at the same time, it rose your spirits, and before you knew it, you were back on your wobbling feet, the pain being suppressed by adrenaline as you grabbed Satan by the collar. In retrospect, you realized you had been just like a frightened animal and snapped as he came too close for comfort.

“THIS ISN’T MY HOME! YOU ARE KEEPING ME HERE AGAINST MY WILL! WAKE UP, SATAN!” you screamed at him as loud as you could. Perhaps you wished for a stunned realization overcoming him, or maybe that someone else could hear you outside this little, private room. But it wasn’t like anyone came running to help anyway.

Instant regret flooded your mind as you felt his hands grip your wrists, the book he had held onto falling to the ground with a loud thud. A zip of magic sparked from where he grabbed you, burning through your body like venom. It was no question who was the stronger animal in this struggle, your body falling back and down into the pile of books with just one step Satan took forward. But with your hands still anchored in his clothes, you pulled him with you, and on top, giving him a chance to pin you down on the uncomfortable bed of books.

Though it felt like your bones were breaking under the pressure and awkward position, your will hadn’t been affected as much yet, your body instinctively pushing against him, even though it was futile.

“One more time. I’m giving you one more chance to stop fucking resisting.” The words escaped him through clenched teeth, a hostile fire flickering in his eyes that you were forced to stare into. You knew you had it coming for you. His rage. His anger. There was no way out now, and once again, you had made the situation worse for you than needed. Finally, as you felt your ragged breath fill your lungs unreliably, you calmed down, tears shooting to your eyes while the sobs escaped from your mouth.

For a minute or two Satan merely let you bawl it out, the streams of tears falling down your cheeks and onto the books beneath you, but it was of no concern to either of you. At least now, he didn’t tell you to cease your sadness too, and you realized all he wanted was for you to stop attacking him, even if it was unfair when he apparently was allowed to.

Instead, you found yourself being scooped into his arms, face pressed into his shoulder as you hugged him instinctively. His hold was right out of a book about how to console crying children, his hands perfectly falling to your head and back, calmingly rubbing over the hurt part of your body.

“Please...” you sobbed into his shirt.

“I love you. I will always love you, even if you do this to me,” he assured you. You didn’t want it. Not his love, not being held by him like this, not him playing the victim in this scenario. As if it was your fault he had to do these terrible things.

“Just... please...”

“Forever. We will stay together.”

His words did nothing to help you, even more crying ensuring as they laid down heavily on your mind.

“You’re all I have. All that only belongs to me,” Satan whispered while you shook your head softly, rubbing in the wet stains into his clothes and wishing it was all just a nightmare that you could wake up from.

“That’s why, from now on, I will be the only one for you as well.”

But you never woke up from it.

[You can find the prompt list here]

[power-of-plot]

The warmth of the soul.

I put a lot of effort into this bc we’re nearly 100 followers! Again i can’t thank you enough, i’ll try to write all my posts like this and improve :)).

Warnings: Sadness? Slight spicyness. (at the end, it’s more emotional than spicy but i put the warning just in case.)

Summary: To celebrate your time together you decide to go to a turistic place of natural hot springs, the circunstances end up making a much more enjoyable moment than it was expected to be.

Word count:10.5k 

Gn reader!

A couple birds flew above the heads of a couple, one with an odd hair color of red in the left and white on the right while the other had (hair color and length), their palms pressed against each other as they interwined their fingers staring down at the water body mere inches before their feet. Breaking the contact of their hand they took a step back from the other to take off their clothes revealing swimsuits underneath them, a smile crept into both’s faces at the sight, all left to do was to make themselves comfortable in that small natural pleasure.

The sun shone bright in the light blue morning sky as any small cloud was nowhere to be seen, the air was cold and, logically, so was the water..

“Eek! It’s a little cold hehe.. i’ve seen many videos of people going head-in into freezing water so we should just get used to it, right?” You said with a nevous smile as the skin of your leg bristled at the wind brushing over the cold water dripping from it.

“You’re right, besides, it shouldn’t be too deep” Shoto said calmly as he took a small jump into the water splashing some out to your feet, indeed it was cold, even someone like him who didn’t mind the lack of warmth flinched at the low temperature. “I-it’s fine, i doubt this is a dangerous temperature”

Seeing his stoic expression you supposed it was bearable so you followed him in. He wanted to rest his arms on the rim of the pool but what comfort would that bring if his skin bristled more than it already was at the slightest exposure to the surface? You tried your best to not move or shiver underwater to keep what little warm you had left, both remained still for an awkward minute internally debating wich was worse: to get out and freeze instantly or stay in the water freezing but waiting to get used to it. This was supposed to be something relaxing however it seemed you had entered an icy prison.

“Sho.. should we cheat?” You said with a small stutter as your teeth chattered softly

“...Why should we cheat on each other..?” He replied with a concerned look, once again to your delight taking things literally.

“N-no hehe i mean.. what if ins-instead of enjoying this the “natural” way we warm it up? With your quirk, if your comfortable with doing so that is! I know how you feel about your left side, i wouldn’t want to force you into something you-”

“I’ll do it” He cut off all your rambling bluntly but with a smile. “Seriously?” You gave him a dumbfounded stare tilting your head as a little excitement flooded your system “I’m sure about it, thank you for taking in mind my feelings” If only the warmth of his smile was more than metaphorical neither of you would feel like lobsters in the supermarket (lmao sorry for my lack of seriousness but i couldn’t get it out of my head) “I’ve done something similar during my training with myself in water multiple times so it shouldn’t be risky” 

“..Please, tell me if i’m overheating the water..” His voice changed as he made his request, despite it was imperative language his tone made it seem like a beg from someone in deep vulnerability, one look at him and the surrounding was enough to tell why: his left side, soon hot water and someone he loved, in a way all he once feared was right there.

“Of course but i know you would never hurt me, it’s your quirk, it’s under your control” Your reasuring smile gently pushed him into concentration as he took a deep breath, his gaze fixing on the water as his body temperature slowly rised, he was so lost in the thought of accidentally burning you the heating rate was far too slow to be felt at the distance you were from him. "Can i get closer?" You asked as your lips and nails were taking a blue tint, seeing your state he quietly nodded trying to speed up the heating to a rate that stayed under his parameters of "safe". 

Each limb you moved felt as if thin layers of ice were covering it, your toes brushed against cold uneven stone beneath them with each step and small ripples you provoqued damped the dry skin of your shoulders. As you switfly approached Shoto your shivers died down thanks to the sweet caress of heat all over your body, being right infront of him no coldness could be felt, how would it be to have contact with the source of heat then?

"Sho... can i touch you?"

I don't want to burn them.I don't want to hurt them.I can't burn them.I'm not going to burn them.I'm not going to burn them. You had touched and cuddled on his left side, you had touched his scar before but never when he was using his quirk, though the remainings of his old self begged it would never come to that he knew he'd have to overcome his fear and underestimation to his control over himself, for both. The heterochromic male quietly nodded preparing to feel your touch as his hands fidgeted underwater, your hand got closer and closer to his left shoulder and then

"Woah!"

"D-did i burn you?!"

Almost like a reflex sharp ice sprouted from the natural rock edges behind his back and around the pool, not exclusively on the surface but underwater as well, thin and easy to break layers of ice formed at the top of the water and his skin.

"No it's okay i'm alright! you didn't burn me, you surprised me!" You raised your hand ignoring the cold to show him your fully unharmed palm, any possible dread flooding his eyes washed off after he found no wounds, he released a shaky breath he didn't know he was holding.

"What were you surprised about..?" His shy voice asked

"You. I wasn't expecting it to feel that way, it was just..." You couldn't think of any words to describe your delight at the sensation of his warm soft skin, you gesticulated with both hands as your mouth was ajar with your lack of ideas "I'm happy you're learning to be okay with this part of yourself... i think it's- beautiful"

"That cursed left side of his looks more like him everyday, i don't think i can't raise that kid anymore... his left side is.. unbearable."

At the recesses of his heart where fire still wildly burnt everything on it's way, a storm of warm ice stopped the scorching destruction, gelid ice of hatred and avertion became one another with frost of love and longing. It all melted off to remove the weed of sour memories allowing new flowers to bloom and damaged roots to heal, was this what feeling affection towards his whole self truly felt like? This is how it felt coming from you?

"...Thank you." As he smiled tenderly anew, a small droplet sliding down his face freezed on his cheek before it was able to get to his chin, resulting in a diminute crystal clear orbe adhered to his skin.

The sun raised to a fortunate angle, as the sunlight touched the ice he had created, multiple rainbow reflexions proyected over the rock and the skin of both, his frozen tear produced a dim sparkle as the light remarked his fine features and pigmentless locks of hair, the image before you was beyond unique.. so must he be thinking to himself about you.

Slowly but surely you moved towards him to gently wrap your arms around his neck and torso, resting your chin over the crook of his neck with a sigh. “I’ll always be by your side whenever you need help, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I love you Shoto.. i’ll always will.” 

Heat. You were feeling heat coming from his body.

Both his arms wrapped around you holding you close and tight, his left hand rested on the back of your head while his thumb moved in soothing circles over your hair, you could feel the tension on his shoulders as he did so. “I love you too y/n.. thank you for everything, for falling in love with me.. and my quirk.” He planted a peck on your forehead “Quirks are hereditary, almost anyone can have one nowdays.. that’s not what i fell for” You drift away from his neck looking into his ocean and onix eyes, he in response raised an eyebrow asking for further explanation.

“It’s the warmth of your soul.

You are so special.. so kind.. so caring, one day you’re going to be a great hero everyone looks up to, i know so”

His ears but overall his cheeks adopted a peachy color at your words, out of all the times you unintentionally soothed the pain of the many cracks of his heart this, only surpassed by your amazement and appreciation towards his quirk, was the strongest blow you had given so far in the half year of your relationship. Once more, he felt a small something damping his cheeks.. followed by another one, and another one.

"I'll make all people feel as protected as i feel when i'm around you." His left hand moved to cup your cheek before it descended to your chin, his fingers tipped it delicately to close the gap between your lips, slowly, almost teasingly.

"Slow burn, huh..?" He closed his eyes as he felt the back of his head being pushed forward, connecting your lips in a passionate kiss leading into aimeless contact towards the face, the neck, the lips of each other. He radiated a pulse of heat with every single one of your caressess, to warm your hands up so they’d match his temperature he placed one of your palms over his temple, pressing kisses and pecks from your risk to your neck, leaving small hot patches over your body. You in exchange do a bigger move sliding your fingertips down over his swim t-shirt to pinch a small part, asking for permission, he confirms with a nod grasping the back of your hand, his toned chest and abdomen were quickly uncovered as the fabric smoothly slid up underwater, he couldn’t help a light smirk as you admired the result of all his harsh training. 

To think the mere image of the body he had avertion of in the past could enlighten someone as much as it did you, it could make him doubt of the meaning of many words, this feeling couldn’t be just simple sweet descriptions.

You gave him a whole new perspective on what it mean to be complete, what it meant to claim things that went against any logic.. you taught him to not be afraid of giving into his instincts. That day you complemented each other, not in a animalistic way, that was barely the tip of the iceberg, for the first time in years the feeling of protection and strenght, of being with someone dear to him and manifesting something as personal as his left side, cohexisted in his heart.. neither had to be pushed aside for the other to exist, he felt freedom and love. You realized just how much he cared for you and your well being, the way he might have seen his hands as claws that would burn you to ashes, how heavy was the weight of the path he had chosen.. what great treasure you had found, you swore to yourself you’d keep it and it’s flame alive for as long as fate allowed you to.

Holy crap.. i’m kinda proud of myself. It’s official i’m gonna open the requests tomorrow :D! Thanks for reading!!

[mychocolateroses]

The road to self-love

There are two relationships that will significantly affect you in your lifetime.

The ones with your lovers,

And the one with yourself.

A relationship with a lover will be extremely challenging to maintain and take care of if you do not have a solid relationship with yourself.

It’s one thing to know you deserve to be happy, and it’s another thing to allow yourself to be.

(If you don’t care to hear my personal experience then you can skip to after the italics)

Even when I was emotionally attached in a toxic relationship, I still knew that I deserved better. But I didn’t love myself enough to do what it took to get there. I needed to detach myself. Feel the pain for a little while until my mind was clear enough and I could start evolving as an individual again. I could’ve argued and named multiple other reasons why I couldn’t leave but it always boiled down to two things. Comfort. Attachment. I’m going to tell you one thing that I know for a fact. If I truly loved and valued myself I would have not remained in a toxic relationship. I would’ve left my relationship much sooner, and in much healthier circumstances. I also probably would’ve been less of a b****. My relationship got the best of me. And I’m sure we’ve all been here or been through similar situations. Some people are living this right now. But we all find our way out. Unfortunately for me it was self destruction that got me away from the toxic relationship I was in. All of the times I’d been let down and then forgave anyway. All the times I felt like nothing I did was appreciated or reciprocated and I stayed anyway. It’s all the times I chose “us” instead of what was right. Allowing someone to suck the life out of me was exactly what I did. Trying to “fix” someone by attempting to fill their empty spaces with all of the things I needed from them. All of what was me. I gave my all to someone who was empty because they hadn’t learned how to love themselves either, and I ended up feeling like I had nothing left BUT THEM. But they couldn’t do anything for me. What I didn’t know then is the most important investments are first within ourselves. I should’ve chosen me but no one ever taught me this. I learned the hard way. When we are not mentally healthy and put more effort into a lover than we do ourselves, we are only making things worse. The more we feed excuses to a toxic situation, the more toxic it becomes. So like I said earlier, it wasn’t before I self destructed, that my relationship came to an end. It wasn’t before self-destruction that I started to learn my worth, how to have a solid relationship with myself, and how to rebuild the person I had lost. I wish we wouldn’t do this to ourselves.

{For those of you who are single, who have already overcome a toxic relationship, who never want history to repeat itself, those who can’t remember the last time they were in love or maybe you’ve never even been in love. The ones who get wrapped up in dating the wrong people, or the ones who just don’t date at all and feel held back, you need to take the first step of choosing to INVEST IN YOURSELF. Stop worrying about when you’re going to find love. Stop worrying about what keeps going wrong. Change that focus onto yourself. This process may begin at a different level for you than it will for someone else. Meaning some of the things I’m about to talk about may be things you’ve already accomplished. Begin to invest where you need to. You know you the best.}

{For those of you who are in the predicament I was in or are overwhelmed with emotions. Maybe feel like you do not have the will power to leave your relationship or don’t have the right support system or guidance to do so. Even for those of you who try to avoid the reality that your relationship is toxic and that you are not happy by pretending you are happy. Masking the cons of your relationship for social media by putting the tiny amount of pros on a public pedestal. ANYONE who knows they are settling, y o u d e s e r v e better. You deserve everything you’re missing. And so do the ones around you. You could have everything if you just took the first step to loving yourself. Not the first step to breaking up with your significant other, not the first step to losing the love of your life, not the first step to getting rid of someone, not the first step to breaking up a family, not the first step to your world crumbling down. THE FIRST STEP to loving yourself. The first step to being genuinely happy.}

The first step is just investing. Change your focus and invest in yourself. Invest in finding happiness. I can almost guarantee doing this will naturally pull you towards what’s meant for you and pull you away from what’s not meant for you. One step in a positive direction is all it takes and the rest will fall into place. Take the pressure off your relationship. No this isn’t easy. No one said it was.

Ways to build a healthy/solid relationship with yourself:

1. *Be content with being alone.* You have to be happy by yourself. If you constantly feel like you are alone, thats your mind telling you that you need yourself more than ever. Get to a point where you’re not thinking “I’m so lonely”, “I’m so bored”, “I wish I had a friend, boyfriend, or girlfriend to hangout with”. If you are not content with being alone and being in your own company without complaints, you will struggle in a relationship. Learn to love your own company. Learn to not even realize you’re by yourself. The trick is to STAY BUSY!!

2. *Focus on what brings income and what you love to do and do your best!* Working is something we’re doing probably 50-80% of the time maybe less, maybe more. If you are half-assing your work, you’re really only half-assing yourself. We need to be productive and self-sufficient. The goal should be to accelerate, learn more, or at least give your best efforts. Doing these things will increase your mood dramatically and open one door after another. But just remember; Don’t overwork yourself. We all need balance and we all need a break physically and mentally.

3. *Make the most of your spare time.* If you’re depressed, mopey, lazy, etc. recognize this right away and get up and do something to change your mood! Try not to linger in negative energy. Go do your dishes. Clean your home. Put your favorite song on. Light a f*cking candle. Clean your car/truck/SUV. Fold the clothes that have been sitting in your dryer or clean basket for days. Stand up and give your mind a rest. This is something I always do and I’m telling you it’s a life changer.

4. *Be aware of your feelings.* Even though it’s important to not linger in negative energy, sometimes we find ourselves doing so. And most of the time it’s good that we just dust off our shoulders and move on. But sometimes negative energy needs to be addressed in order to get rid of it. You have to be aware of your moods & what you’re feeling. Be in the moment. For example, my mom taught me something that I’ll never forget. Anytime you get mad about something someone else is doing... really stop and ask yourself why is it bothering you? Is it because this is something you’re insecure about? Are you being triggered bc something deep down? ... this made me view things a lot differently. And if I had no idea why I was mad I would just ask myself is it helping me to be mad about it? When we get defensive, a lot of the times it’s because it triggers an insecurity. My mother taught me to recognize this. But one thing I figured out on my own later down the line is there’s also things that cause extreme excitement and it’s just as important to be aware of this as well. When something makes us happy, SOAK in the moment. Take a step back and appreciate everything good that’s before your eyes or that’s happening to you. Appreciate what you have. Remember the things that bring you this feeling and go there as much as you can. Appreciate the people around you who make you feel good too. Be aware of your feelings and understand them. And be aware of how your surroundings make you feel. This will be so crucial in the process of manifesting the life you want.

5. *Communicate your issues and concerns.* For example: If someone you care about is making you feel some type of way, confront them about it. (If it’s worth it, right?) This doesn’t mean be rude or disrespectful, it means in order to resolve problems you first have to address them... so you can FIX them. Why would you want to keep tension? Why would you stress yourself out by reserving bad feelings? Friendships will fail if you bottle up everything inside and try to ignore what makes you feel a way. Doesn’t matter what it is. Another example: If your friend was super quiet and seemed upset, wouldn’t you do your best to see what’s wrong and help them? Wouldn’t you want to come up with a solution and see them happy again? So why wouldn’t you do the same for yourself? Why would you want to stay upset over something? If you can not communicate with yourself or others, how can you have a successful relationship?

6. *Stop entertaining your insecurities.* Everyone has insecurities. Insecurities come from many different things... the way we were raised, the environment we were around as a child and throughout our life or from toxic relationships, etc. I think insecurities are built-in. And on top of it society has played a role in magnifying our insecurities. Insecurities mimic behavior. Some insecurities crave attention, some insecurities are clingy, some are mean to others or disrespectful, some are even overly nice. Some insecurities are flirty, some are quiet. The list goes on and on. To make this short and sweet; if your behavior or mentality is causing an imbalance in your life: resentment, sadness, anything that isn’t helping you grow as a person most likely it’s an insecurity trying to take the spot light. If you understand why these insecurities are there, you can figure out how to get rid of them. And insecurities are much more obvious than you’d think. Especially to others.

7. And that leads to my last step of advice: *Accept yourself for who you truly are.* As soon as we begin to be our authentic selves, the better we become. Don’t compare yourself to others. Accept your flaws, your mannerisms, your humor, your personality, your body.. we should work to love ourselves physically just like we should love ourselves internally. If we cannot love ourselves for who we are, we cannot love someone else properly.

***NOTE: It may be a difficult/timely process to really face yourself and build (or finish building) a solid relationship with yourself but its much more a rewarding one. And even when we begin to master these steps, we will still remain flawed and there will still be moments where we feel like we fall short. But all we need is a reminder that loving ourselves is a life long investment but once we have built a relationship with ourselves, we have all we need to get back up and keep going.

Written by: Breonna Granto

[little-writings]

did you see Cheritz update about the possibly new route?? we might get a V route and honestly i adore this man.. so could you write an angst where jumin and jihyun both like mc very much but being best friends as they are, none of them make a move but mc is in love with jihyun... although its okay if you don't wanna do it bc i know you adore jumin:) have a nice day!!

I haven’t seen the update and I’m so salty my phone is a coward and won’t update I kept seeing screenshots for like the year anniversary and I’d look at my phone like mourning sjdfakslfjsalfsdla

As for the prompt though, I’d be fine with doing it!! I’ve written V x MC/Reader prompts before I just haven’t posted them on here so I’m familiar with the idea. Jumin’s my #1 but I have no problem with writing this for you hun don’t worry

Thank you and have a terrific day!! Enjoy!!

———————————————————————————————————–

“I have feelings for you.” 

The words from both of them repeated in your head as constantly as you blinked, brimming at the edge of your mind with each second of the day, the next question always not too far behind.

“Do you feel the same?” 

Jumin and V.

They had both confessed to you.

And with either one, you had been baffled. 

Truth be told, the idea hadn’t even ever occurred to you that this had been possible.

Yes, V would always seem to smile as you spoke, and more than once you found your hands reaching for his to guide him along.

And yes, an undeniable warmth always happened to trickle into Jumin’s gaze the moment he saw you.

But that had been completely platonic, hadn’t it?

Apparently not.

You had been a mix of flustered and nervous unable to mutter more than a few confused words before the other assured you it was fine for you to be unsure, an undeniable hint of disappointment in their features. 

You could even still see in them afterward, the question lingering on their lips each time you met, wondering and wondering every moment. 

But you couldn’t quite bring yourself to answer.

How could you even answer?

At first, it appeared as a sort of blur between the two, baffled and bewildered, still trying to piece the fact that they both felt that way about you.

 And then, it became what if. 

What if you said yes to Jumin?

What if you said yes to V?

The initial feelings from that said a bit too much than you’d like to admit.

But you felt more at the idea of V.

When you thought of V, you felt butterflies flutter into your stomach and your heart soar up into the sky and a smile immediately erupt onto your face.

You felt so much care you thought you may burst.

But when it came to Jumin, you saw a friend. 

And that ruined you.

You didn’t want to do the same to him.

But you knew, even if you wouldn’t admit it aloud that it wouldn’t be him.

Yet every instance you saw him, you felt its inevitability only draw closer.

Until you met with the issue.

And you confronted it.

“Jumin…” You muttered, looking up to him as he sat down beside you, his eyes wide and alert at your muted tone.

“Yes? What’s wrong-is something wrong?” 

“Yes-I mean no-sort of?” You huffed, puffing out your cheeks indignantly. “i have to talk to you.” 

“I’m all ears then.” He hummed. “Go on ahead.” 

“I…I know both you and V confessed to me and I…I didn’t really know what to say.” 

“Yes, what of it?” 

“Well, I’ve…I’ve figured it out.” 

He lit up briefly, quickly trying to recompose himself, clearing his throat awkwardly. 

“You have?”

“And I…” 

You hesitated.

And he knew.

His face fell.

“Oh.” 

“Jumin I-” 

“It’s…It’s fine,” He mumbled, tensing, doing whatever he could to avoid locking eyes. “I know dreams are dreams, I…I shouldn’t have expected this one to become a  reality.” 

Guilt.

It overwhelmed you.

“I’m so sorry…” 

“I’m sure.” He sighed, frowning. “So it’s…it’s V then?” 

You nodded, fiddling with your fingers sheepishly. 

“Right…I’m sure he’ll be delighted to hear that.” 

“Jumin please don’t be upset-” You reached out to him as he got ready to stand up, grabbing onto his sleeve. 

“MC, I want to be happy for you I truly do but-I can’t-I don’t think you understand.” 

“Understand what…?”

“When I said I had feelings for you, it may very well have been the understatement of the century,” He explained, his words strained and threatening to break. “I’m in love with you-desperately.” 

“Ever since I’ve met you all I’ve wanted to do is hold you in my arms, spend each day with you, and simply be able to go on dates and be with you,” He continued. “Being friends with you has made me happier than I’ve been in my whole life, but I won’t deny that I want a life with you…with you beside me.” 

You held back tears, wave after wave of misery washing over you.

“And knowing that it’ll be V-my best friend…” 

He couldn’t finish, simply letting out a shaky breath.

“Just please-let go of me…” 

“I’m not going to lose my friend because of this,” You whimpered. “You both wanted an answer, I can’t lose you just because I gave you one!” 

“Do you expect me to shove all of my feelings to the side and put on a mask for you?” He whispered, almost in disbelief. “I’ve done that my whole life MC, you were the one person I hadn’t, the one person I could be a person with. I could be myself with you.” 

You didn’t ask why can became could.

But it hurt to recognize nonetheless.

“But I suppose all good things must come to an end.” 

And he finally met your gaze.

And he smiled.

“Congratulations.” He said plainly. “I have to leave for a meeting but I’ll be sure to let V know to drop by and meet you. I doubt you want to take too long to tell him the news.” 

“Please don’t do this.” 

He rounded about the sofa, coming to the front door of his home. 

“If I’m not busy during the workday I’ll call and see how you are, I hope it all goes well.” 

“And I hope, you’re truly happy.” 

The door was opened, and it suddenly shut before you.

And you hurt.

You were overcome with the pain as you choked a sob, clamping your palm over your mouth as your knees buckled beneath you. 

You couldn’t even bring yourself to send a message.

You couldn’t even look at his contact on your phone.

It just brought more tears. 

It wasn’t until V arrived that you had even managed to get a hold of yourself, your cheeks stained as though they had been engraved. 

“MC?” He found your shape amongst the others. “I got a call from Jumin, he asked me to come here?” 

“H-Hi.” 

He immediately knew something was wrong, rushing to you.

“What’s the matter? Did something happen?” He questioned. “Are you okay?” 

“I-um…I-I don’t even know what to say…”

“Here,” He intertwined your fingers with his, giving a gentle squeeze. “you’ve helped me countless times, let me do the same now. Tell me what happened, from the beginning.” 

You mustered all the courage you could, the air nearly getting caught in your throat.

“I-It’s-It’s you.” 

“What?”

“It’s you,” You blurted. “I chose you.” 

It clicked.

“Oh-Oh!” He tried to hide the grin on his features, remaining gentle. “I’m sorry I just-I didn’t think-” 

He shook his head, scoffing. “That’s not what’s important, go on.” 

“I-I told him that…” You groaned. “I broke his heart…!” 

“He didn’t sound upset over the phone…” 

But you both knew, it was far worse that way. 

“I just destroyed everything…didn’t I?” You cried, stifling a sob. “Oh god I-” 

“Hush…” 

You felt his arm ribbon around you comfortingly, weaving his fingertips through your hair.

“I’m sorry-I hope you don’t mind but I-I don’t want you to be upset.” He remarked. “I know what you did was hard, and the end result will be hard for both of us.” 

“But, if you’re willing, we make it through, together.” 

You didn’t say a word.

“I know, this is going to be difficult, but I’ve…I can’t even begin to describe how delighted it makes me to just be this close to you to just hold you-I’d be willing to walk to the ends of the earth to be able to continue being like this-being with you.” 

“So, if you’ll still have me, even after all this, I want to go through this beside you.” 

“Why…?” 

He didn’t even need to think.

“Because, as long as you’re with me, I think the sun will always be shining,” He simpered. “I think everything will be okay.” 

“As long as you’ll have me.” 

You didn’t need to speak.

For he knew the moment you rested against him.

And even through all the guilt in the sadness you finally understood.

That with him, things would be okay.

And you would be truly and honestly happy. 

[deliriousscenarios]

Baeee! I don't really know what's going on in your life, but I really hope you get better. I also wish I could so something for you, but as of now, the only thing I can do is try to comfort you with words. I really HATE that you get hate messages when you are feeling like this. It just end up making feeling you worse. I wish I could stop all people from sending those kind of messages to you. However, I love the way you respond. You did not even once insulted that anon, I bet it's bc you (1/?)

yourself knows how a simple word from someone could have a great effect in somebody else's life. Not only that, but you did not even once sounded bitchy or snappy, on the other hand, you sound worried that you had hurt that anon in some kind of way. That's why I love you, because even if you are the writer and the owner of this blog, you don't go sending everyone away just because they had a different opinion about something. I myself know it because there where times when I expressed my (2/?)opinion and I was treated badly by the writers, just because I didn't exactly said what they wanted to hear. That's why you are the person I love the most in tumblr. You always read my asks and even though you say that you are crap at replying, I don't think so. Because even if you take your time, your replies are always thoughtful. I love coming here and seeing your replies, because they aren't crude, instead they are kind and lovely. I remember when I first came to this blog. I saw (3/?)Shameless on the timeline and I went to your blog. Then I asked you to write Truth or Dare and you kept worrying about if it was too long or if I wouldn't like. You also kept calling me adorable. You were and still are such a sweetheart. You will always be my favorite writer. The things I just mentioned are just some of your qualities, but I know you have a lot more of them. I jus want you to know that you are important to me and that everything is going to be alright. I know it because (4/?went throught hardships. There where times when it was so difficult to keep a smile at my face, but finally me and my family surpassed those hardships. I took a lot of time, longer than you may think but we have overcome those difficult days. And I also know that you can do it too. I believe in you, and I know you will get out of this. I love you very much, my dear first and only tumblr friend...Now...about Uni, well we are still on strike (I now think that's the word). So, now we have (6/?)been 41 days without classes. And the thing is that it's our government fault. Because our country has a big debt and they want to make us pay by cutting the funds for university which mean that the tution fees would double ir even triple, and the money they want to take away from the university is so much that it will make the institution inoperant. So, that's why we are on a strike, tho, Idk what's going to happen. Also, yes, I'm so excited about BTS going to the BBMAs. I hope they win(7/?)

Oh my good lord, my sweet A.B!! You're gonna make me cry, but they will be tears of joy and so much love!! I am never gonna know what I did in a past life to deserve you!! The unconditional love, and support you give me means so much more than I could ever tell you! Honestly, you're so right, words can hold so much power, and the comfort your words always brings me is immense. I'm so unbelievably lucky to have you in my life, sometimes I need to pinch myself to make sure it's real! You will always be extremely special to me, and I hope you know that. You're my Adorable Baepsae, and to say you've been with me since the beginning isn't even close to an exaggeration, TorD was one of the first scenarios I wrote!! Gosh, I'm getting so emotional! Thank you so much for this message, and every message you've ever sent me. I'm sorry you've had negative experiences messaging people, it sucks because it can be such a touchy subject. I think it's hard when it comes to expressing our opinions, and I would never want to make anyone feel like their opinions are invalid or that they couldn't come and talk to me. I'm sure other writers wouldn't want or mean to make people feel like they can't either, it can just feel really personal to us sometimes, and we can get a bit protective over it. I'm sure they didn't mean to upset you, it can just be hard not to take it personally. Especially when there are some people who don't put their opinions in a very nice way (which I'm certain you never would because you are an absolute Angel, my sweet A.B, and you're lovely both inside and out. Which is one of the many reasons I love you ^^). I know I can be incredibly oversensitive sometimes, it's one of the reasons I worried about starting a writing account but I've been so incredibly lucky and though there have been moments when people haven't been very nice, the huge vast majority of people have been so amazingly lovely to me, and I'm so fortunate and blessed to have such great people and positivity in my life.I think you're right, my sweet A.B, it will take time but I can get through it. I've just gotta force myself to keep going, and smile even when I don't feel like it. There's this old classic song I find myself singing all the time while I'm just walking around, and it actually helps a lot. I don't think it'll be a quick road to happiness again, but there are moments when the world doesn't seem so bleak and those are the moments to strive for. Honestly, it's kinda my own fault I regressed, I watched this ridiculously sad and upsetting show on Netflix in one long sitting, and it just completely messed with my head. I wasn't in the right frame of mind to watch it, it was a mistake that I've learnt from, and now I'm only watching comedies with the occasional horror movie thrown into the mix, because they are my guilty pleasure and I can't not watch them ^^ Seriously, thank you for all your love and support, as well as all the comfort you've given me since the first day you messaged me. You've offered me nothing but kindness, and the smiles you've given me, there are way too many to count. As soon as I start a message from you, there is a massive grin on my face, no matter how low my mood was before. You, and all the other lovely amazing people I've met on here, are a reason to keep smiling, no matter how hard my heart aches, and I don't care how cheesy this sounds, there will never be a moment I'm alive that I'm not completely grateful and thankful for that. My heart might be hurting, but it's also full of love, all I can hope is that I can spread that love and kindness around and do as good by you and others as you've done by me. Pay the love forward is what I need to do! And to say I love you, my sweet A.B, is the understatement of the century. My love for you is infinite, and cannot be measured, no matter how hard I try. You're an angel, and I'm incredibly super lucky to have met you, even if it couldn't be in person ^^Oh my god!! Honestly, our governments are the part of the world I'm seriously losing faith in, and it's scaring the hell out of me!! Why do they keep messing with the education system and expecting people to just accept it? It's so frustrating. They took the cap off Uni tuition in my country quite a few years back, and it caused so much shit here. Man, it really sucks, I'm sorry you've gotta deal with this so close to the end of your second year. You shouldn't have to stress over this right now, on top of everything else. It sucks when everything is so up in the air. I hope it comes to ahead soon, and things work out for the best for everyone, especially the students who are suffering.You know I'm here if you ever need to talk, whenever you need me. Maaaaan! I think Tumblr ate part of your message again, which is getting extremely annoying as hell, but yessssss!! BTS at the BBMAS!! I'm too excited, but at the same time so nervous and I don't know why!!!!? I'm sure they're gonna have a great night, and maybe even bring home an award, which will be so freaking amazing!! I'm super proud of them whether or not they win, they've done so well and have come so far, they deserve all the recognition they've been getting!! Thank you again for this message, my lovely A.B, you're too sweet for words and mean so so much to me. I'll love you forever, make no doubt about that!! ^^ ♡

[10goodnessstudents-blog]

TO OUR PARENTS

Dearest Mommy and Daddy,

First of all, I just want to say I love you both so much. I have so many things I want to tell you and I want to tell you that I am sorry and thank you so much. I am sorry for all the promises I broke especially when I was a child. I am sorry for doing those immature and reckless actions. I'm sorry for saying things I'm not supposed to say. Even though you've supported me always, I'm sorry if I never gave you the chance to witness how grateful I am to the both of you. Thank you. Thank you for everything. For giving me life, sustaining my needs, and giving me guidance and protection as I grow up. I am thankful that you gave me two sisters. I am thankful that you were always there for me. I am thankful because of teaching us the things we need to know in school and in our real, future lives. Thank you for all the sacrifices and the tears you've shed for us to be happy. You have taught me so many things that when I was younger, I thought was useless. But as I grow up, I finally realized how much these things have helped me. You have proved to me that parents will always be the best, best friends; parents will always be the best barkada. Thank you so much that I can share all my thoughts whether it is about 'kilig' stuff or 'trigger' stuff. The number of words that I have in this letter is incomparable to what more I want to say to you. I have so many things to tell you and I am ever grateful that you'll always listen. To mommy, thank you so much for all the tips and advices you are giving me everyday. To daddy, thank you for working so hard for us. Know that we are always here for you despite the distance. Mommy, Daddy, thank you for being my best friends. I love you both so much.

Yours truly,

Yanyan

KONICHIWA ("Hello" in japanese bcs my dad looks japanese lol) MA AND PA!

It's your son Ernst! This letter is for you guys and i might write or type some things that i may never have the chance to say in real life because as you probably don't know, I am quiet when it is regarding myself in the family. First and foremost, I would like to say sorry for not meeting you expectations, for not achieving your dreams and for most likely not being the child you wanted me to be. I might not be as creative and bright as my sister, but I hope that my strong points have enlightened you to know that I myself, also have some traits to be proud of. I'm sorry for not being as bright and obedient and helpful like the other kids. I'm sorry that I'm not interactive with the family BUT I would still like to thank you for giving birth to me, For making me feel loved in the early stages of my life and for helping me grow as a person and to help me realize that disciplining your children will make them interactive to other people. Thank you for supporting my passion for music and for giving me a chance to prove that my skills in a computer or laptop can be something to be proud of.I hope that in the future, You will support me in my studies and to support me in college because although I might not be taking up the course I know you want me to take up, I assure that I am doing what I love. I hope that you will support me when I am away from home and let me feel little bit of love from you guys haha. Lastly, (I saved this for last because its awkward for me to say this) I would like to say that I LOVE ALL OF YOU SO MUCH for being my parents. Although we might be far off from perfect, We can manage to make this family a successful one.

Your Son, Ernst

Dear Nanay and Tatay, There are not enough words to describe how thankful I am to the both of you. I know I don't show how grateful I am enough for I feel awkward everytime I try to tell you that I love you, but I really am. You both have taught me so much, and imagining my future being apart from you has made me realize how much you both mean to me. Thank you for your endless love and care. Thank ypu for making me laugh and all the support. Thank you for being my parents and for making me happy. Sorry for being hard headed at all times and for not appreciating the hard works and the sacrifices in order to fulfill our needs. . I just realized that I do not thank you enough for everything. And for that, I apologize. I love you both more than anything.So,nanay and tatay tahnk you for everything and I know soon i’ll make both of you proud

Love,

Cessy

  HI MA AND PA!

Its me, Matthew Angeles First of all i would like to inform you that this is a letter for the both of YOU even though that you wont have the chance to read this ANYWAYS, I would like to say SORRY for all of the things that I have done to disappoint you, for the times that I couldn't appreciate all of your sacrifices for us, and for the times that I would let my pride consume me. I AM SO SORRY for being like this, for being the person that you don't want me to be...I'm sorry BUT THANK YOU because you continued to love and care for me, THANK YOU because you accepted me when the world couldn't accept me despite of the things that I have done. You continued to sacrifice, give efforts, work hard, and support me as your son. THANK YOU VERY MUCH and..... I love you, I will never have the chance to say this to you because I would feel awkward? I can't explain but I REALLY LOVE YOU, you will never know how much I love and care for the both of you because I'm the type of person who keeps all of his emotions either negative or positive, I would always end up smiling and never letting you see it

-Your one and only crazy son, Matthew Angeles

Dear mama and papa,

There are not enough words to describe how thankful I am to the both of you. I know I don't show how grateful I am enough, but I really am. Thank you for your endless amounts of love, even when I probably don't deserve it. Thank you for all your support, no matter what. Thank you for working so, so, so hard to be able to send me to school. That means the absolute world to me, and for that, I will never be able to repay you. Thank you for giving me the life every child deserves, and being such wonderful parents. Our lives have been put to the test more times than I can remember, but there’s never been a situation we couldn’t overcome. We may have had our fair share of difficulties along the road but we have each other, and that’s all I could ever ask for. Each and every day, I thank God for my blessings. I thank Him for my brother, my good health and, most importantly, for you both. I am truly sorry for making you feel worry,angry and for making you sad sometimes,I am deeply sorry. So thank you both, for your patience and perseverance. I wouldn’t be here today, enjoying the greatest moments of my life, if it weren’t for you.I will continue to carry the flag and keep the faith.

With all my love,

Charma

 To my mom and dad,

So, here I am. I don't even talk with the both you regularly, let alone writing a letter. However, I would like to write everything that I would like to deliver to you. If by any chance you are asking how am I doing right now, don't worry, I'm doing just fine. But, I would like to bat that same question to you, how are you? The last time I saw you was on the last All Soul's Day, but then again we didn't have any time to talk to each. In fact, I was worried sick, seeing as how you, ma, were so much thinner than the last time I saw, way back Christmas of 2016. I am so guilty because every time we cross paths, I won't even look you in the eyes, as if we are strangers. For that, I am truly sorry, really I am. Please know that I am still grateful for bringing me into this world, and that I love you both. Always remember that distance will not become a hindrance between our relationship, and may you have good health always.

Love,

Ivan

[itsstonerrbittch]

Soulmates¿?

I kinda wanna type & I've always came to Tumblr to I guess you can say vent, it's the lovely topic of love & the person I'm blessed to call mine. Within the past 18 years of my life I've had my heart broken, I've had a first love that absolutely tore my heart out late freshman year & I wasted 5 years being on & off w him, but what they don't tell you when you're younger is when you get older you realize your first love is sometimes simply just your first attachment. I've had my fair share of serious relationships (let's be real only 2 not counting the one I'm in now) but all in all love has never been an easy task & in the end I really just wanted to give up on "love", they never teach you how to "love" properly, you live & you learn, love isn't something that can just be taught but just when I wanted to give up completely the person I'm w now came into my life & my whole world has been flipped all around, in a great way. Story time; 2-3 years ago, I seen a guy at Rock The Docks & just for some reason, my eyes couldn't stay off of him, everywhere I went, everywhere I looked, I'd see him, in a crowd of easily 500+ people he was all I really seen that day. Me being the scared person I am of everything, I couldn't talk to him myself so I asked around for his name & I got it, later that night I found him on Facebook (cliche right)? I sent him a message, we flirted & what not but nothing every really came from it, my ex bestfriend ended up getting w him, which I was upset about but I never established anything so I just let her have the upper hand, I let go of the possibilities & how I felt, I think it was mainly just an attraction but it really felt like more, everytime I looked at that kid I just felt all the curiosity. A year later, 2016 just when I wanted to give up on love, from heart breaks & watching my parents marriage fall apart, he came back into my life, It started off as casual talks but the way him & I spoke to each other, it was like we knew each other for years, for never formerly ever really meeting in person we clicked instantly, the casual conversations turned into from good morning to goodnight, 3+ hour conversations, I remember the first time we hung out, it was a few days before my birthday & he had picked me flowers from someone's yard as a little present & it was such a little but sentimental gesture for me, it made me happy, I felt so giddy that day but of course had to play it cool, after we parted ways I laid in bed just thinking to myself " I think I'm starting to like my best friend ", my girl bestfriend just looked at me & she knew I was thinking & she goes " you like him " & I told her " I think so but I could never tell him, there's to much to risk". When I told her there was too much to risk, I thought the little thing we had was too much, I considered that too much but little did I know, it would turn into what it has today. I thought so much on it, he was a great bestfriend, the bestest, funniest person who could have ever walked into my sad life, I was so thankful for him, the feelings didn't come slow nor did they ever slow down. Little did I know though, everything I was thinking about, he was too, later on that night he confessed that he liked me & that he always did but was just scared & oh god, I remember so vividly what I did, I was in the car w my mom & my bestfriend & started to cry, they knew the conversation & I just smiled through the tears & said "it's me, it's me he likes", they had already knew just by the way he acted towards me. After that night, we started moving forward & finally, the day came 6-17-16 he asked me out, It was at the lake, on the dock w yellow roses & a card, it was the sweetest thing ever, I had never felt so happy w somebody, we dated for some time then one day.. I was stupid enough to walk away from somebody I loved, I realized when I left him that I was in love w him but like the saying goes, " you don't know what you have till it's gone ". Even though I was the one who put our relationship to a stop, the months we were apart killed me, I knew I had caused him to much damage to try & come back so I had to sit in silence & watch him be in other relationships, we still talked as friends after all the fire had burned down between us but there would be those nights where we talked about how much we missed each other, it was always the hardest bc our relationship was great, really. We had our ups & down but yanno, we always made up bc that's what you do when you love someone. New Years Eve, man oh man, about 15 minutes before the ball was going to drop, 15 minutes before everyone closed the chapter of 2016, I had called him to come over & have fun, when I invited him over I didn't have any intentions, the way that night went wasn't how it was suppose to be. He got to the house & he instantly hugged my mom & she started to cry bc she missed him but not only that, she always found comfort in him & it almost made me cry but we ended 2016 together & walked into 2017 together. We sat on the couch drinking & talking, our topic had veared into our relationship & we discussed where everything went wrong & the fact we were grown enough to talk about what had went wrong meant so much to me, as the night progressed, I found myself missing what we had, his tight hugs, the way he cared & took care of me. Long story short, I ended up staying the night w him & shit took a turn, I also took care of him bc he was getting sick but when I woke up the next morning, he was in my arms & I had no regrets about how things went, maybe they shouldn't of happened as fast as they did but that's beyond the point, we ended up getting back together but all we did was argue & it just wasn't good at all but the few weeks we shared w each other made me happy, he made me happy, we knew we'd never be able to get back to how we once we're but that didn't bother us. This time, he walked away & it killed me. When he left, he took my heart w him, I swore off relationships bc I didn't want anyone but him. When he left I realized how he felt when I walked away from him & I never wanted to put him through that kind of hurt, I didn't wanna hurt the one I love. I thought this time the bridges between us were burned, we both said some hurtful things but that wasn't the case... A few months later, as we're in late May now, we're back together & we're going strong, he ended up texting me & I invited him over, the day I invited him over, as he was on his way I paced around my house & cried, telling myself I couldn't do it, I broke down over him texting me, how was I ever gonna stand in front of him & be okay? All my friends told me to relax but I just couldn't & the time came when he finally got to my house & as he walked in the front door I looked up & as soon as our eyes met, I looked down, said hello & walked into the other room bc my eyes filled w tears, instantly. I managed to pull myself together, somehow, someway. Maybe bc I realized it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, it hurt yeah but he was always my comfort, I was okay bc he was around, we just sat around all night catching up & listening to music, I still felt myself having slight panic attacks & I'd need to walk away bc my pride won't allow me to cry infront of people, we once again worked shit out & we argue sometimes but at the end of the day, we always come home to each other & were now engaged, now ig it's time to get into what I really wanted too, I'm already crying bc our story really just brings out all my emotions. Everything him & I have went through has shaped us into where we are today, 2-3 years ago, I fell in love w my best friend & I've never been able to shake the feelings. Before I met him, I was terribly afraid of marriage bc of my parents getting divorced but he made me believe in marriage again, he made me believe in a forever I mean, I wouldn't be engaged to him if my mindset never changed. I've found home more in that kids eyes then I ever have in a structure w four walls, some rooms & a roof. I never knew I could love somebody so deeply. We've had our fair share of arguments, we've both said shit we don't mean, we've both had sleepless nights filled w tears, we've went through hell & back & sure, sometimes we walked away from each other but we realized that it was never the same w anybody else. I believe w everything in me that he is the one, he's my soulmate, my bestfriend, my everything. I find myself doing things I've never done w him, I've opened up to him more then I have anybody else, my family took him in w open arms as his family did w me, he's caused so many positive changes in me & nobody has ever had that type of impact on me, everything we've been through has been so worth it too me, I literally adore everything about that kid, from the inside out. I love his smile, his eyes, his personality, the stupid shit he says, the way his lips move when he speaks, the way he's attentive & the way he cares, he's everything I could have ever asked for in a man. I've never been so fucking thankful for a human, he's been there through it all quite literally & it takes a strong man to deal with me & everything that comes w me but he has no issue dealing w it all. He's helped me through so much, he's pushed me for the better, if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be where I am today. When he came into my life it was like everything fell into place, I was missing a piece & that piece was him. I'd do anything & risk it all for him, if I ever had too, being in love isn't too bad when it's w the right one. We're ready to start our life together & I know as long as he's by my side, I can overcome anything. I don't ever wanna miss a thing, I wanna laugh w him & make more memories then we already have, I wanna struggle w him, I wanna be there on the good days & the bad, I wanna walk down the aisle to him & have a simple little family w him, I wanna grow old w him & watch our kids grow up & have kids, I wanna reminisce on everything we've been through & everything we've accomplished. I'm so proud of us & the people we've become & the people were still becoming, were definitely works in progress but that's okay bc in the end it's all worth it, growing together is the best thing we could ever do. I'm happy I fell in love w my best friend, I'm happy I let him into my life, I'm happy we can forgive & forget. Waking up next to him & falling asleep next to him is literally the best thing in the world, there's no one better then him he's the absolute best & I love him w everything I have in me & when I picture my future he's always there & there's no other way I'd have it, I wouldn't change a thing.