#cos we mostly see him with the ppl he CAN talk to so it's easy to forget | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

reidgraygubler · 4 years ago

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last christmas (spencer reid/reader)

Title: Last Christmas

Requested: no

Couple: spencer reid/gen-neutral!reader

Category: mostly fluff, but some angst

Content Warning: cheating, swearing, christmas (tagging bc i know some ppl don’t celebrate and could be a trigger), pregnancy, engagements, verbal arguments, kissing/making out, swearing, post prison/post series (minor spoilers, but idk)

Word Count: 7,864

Summary: last christmas: reader gets proposed to on christmas night. The very next day, they find out their fiance is cheating on them. So they go spend the night with their best friend, Spencer Reid. this year: Reader gets proposed to by someone special.

A/N: being forced to listen to christmas music for 3-6 hours at work can really do something to someone. And that’s either murder or writing a cute one-shot… so I went with the latter… bc that’s so much easier than murder. and, this was hardly edited.... sorry for any grammatical errors... Anyways, happy holidays, thank you all for the love and support! Check out my masterlist! {***}{***}{***}

Last Christmas:

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, as the song would say. The lights on the trees and houses around were beautiful. The downtown was always decked out with bizarre lights and statues, as well as people in full 18th-century garb. Loved ones gathering to celebrate the holidays with their friends and family.

I didn’t know anyone who loved Christmas more than myself. Everyone who knew me, knew that Christmas was my favorite holiday. I tried my hardest to live my best stereotypical Christmas movie life. I’m pretty sure my boyfriend hated it… So, I guess it’s a good thing that all my friends and co-workers loved it.

“I don’t exactly understand why we have to go to this party,” Jasper looked down at me with a mild annoyance. I smiled before knocking firm on the door. A quick glance at him told him to be quiet.

“We went to your work party, so it’s only fair we go to mine,” I looked back at the door. A moment later, the door flew open and there stood David Rossi with his wife, Krystall, beside him. “David, Krystall,” I smiled as I pulled my hand from Jasper to hug the couple. “Merry Christmas,” I hummed happily once we parted. I turned to Jasper and took the bottle of wine to give to them.

“And to you. Please, come in. Reid, Penelope, and Emily are all here.” David graciously took the wine from me and invited us in. I grasped Jasper’s hand once again and pulled him inside.

“Do you need help with anything?” I looked towards David as I took my jacket off. Krystall took it and brought it to a spare room, where I would assume all the other jackets were kept.

“We’re almost done. Just get yourself a drink and relax,” he smiled and hugged me one last time. I looked up at Jasper and led him to the living room where Spencer, Penelope, and Emily were. I only knew they were there because I could hear their laughter and lively conversations.

“C’mon, we don’t have to stay for too long,” I looked up at him with a smile. He nodded before pecking my lips, “I promise,” I smiled as I stared at him.

“Yeah, okay,” he nodded as he glanced at my friends, “I’m gonna run to the bathroom real quick, I’ll be right back,” he whispered before pressing a kiss to my lips. I smiled and watched as he walked away. Once he was around the corner, I walked over to the living room.

“Hey you,” Emily looked up at me as I sat next to Spencer, “How are you?” she smiled. I looked at Spencer and smiled.

“I’m good. Jasper’s nieces and nephews woke us up at like 5 in the morning… And we were up late wrapping their presents,” I laughed and shook my head, “But it was exciting watching them rip through everything,” I added and nodded.

“Sounds Henry and Michael,” Spencer dryly laughed as he looked over at me.

“Or was it because they got to see their Uncle Spencer?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. Spencer looked away from me and smiled, a small blush rising on his cheeks. “I’d get that excited too if I saw you first thing in the morning,” I smiled.

“Could you be any cuter, I swear,” Penelope looked between Spencer and I. I looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

“And on that note, I’m going to the bathroom real quick,” Spencer looked at me before standing up.

“Oh, Jasper’s in there right now, so it could be a minute,” I looked up at him as he started to walk away. “Or you could find one of the other many bathrooms Rossi has,” I smiled at him.

“Yeah, yeah,” Spencer waved me off before he walked away. I watched as he walked around the corner, leaving it to be just me, Emily, and Penelope.

“How was your guys’ morning?” I looked back at them with a smile. Emily looked at Penelope before looking at me. The smile she wore made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

“It was good. It was pretty lazy. Just Andrew and I,” Emily nodded before taking a sip of her wine. I nodded and watched her sip. “He said he’d be joining us, but he’ll be a little late,” she added once she put her glass down.

“Oh good! I’d love to see good ole Mendoza,” I laughed. Emily looked at me and raised an eyebrow. “What? Andrew is a great guy,” I shrugged.

“Well, I had a great Christmas! I got to see my Chocolate Thunder and his spawn and Queen,” Penelope cut in before either of us could further a comment.

“How is Morgan? I wish I got to see him more,” I frowned as I looked over at Penelope. Jasper stepped back in, and Spencer was right in tow. Spencer returned to his seat beside me and Jasper on the other side. There was a certain tension in the room now that those two stepped in. I knew those two always butted heads, but they tried to get along for me. But at the same time, I hated when they were around each other. There was always something for them to fight about. And, most of the time it was nothing.

“Uh, well,” Penelope started after a moment of very awkward silence. I looked at her and swallowed the lump in my throat. “Derek’s great! Hank’s great! I swear I could just eat him up,” her voice was high pitched as she lifted her hands like she was pinching an imaginary person’s cheeks.

“Derek or Hank?” Emily looked at Penelope with a raised eyebrow. I wanted to listen into the conversation. But it was so hard when I had two bags of testosterone sitting beside me.

“Are you okay,” I looked over at Jasper and whispered. He tensed as I grasped his hand. He looked at me and smiled lightly.

“Yeah, yeah, work called,” he nodded and looked down at me. I furrowed my eyebrows before pouting. I furrowed my eyebrows before pouting. I could hear Spencer’s scowl from behind me. I wanted to turn back and tell him off, but I refrained.

“But it’s Christmas,” I whispered.

“Don’t worry. It was an easy fix, over the phone,” he smiled before pecking my lips.

After several minutes of banter with everyone, Jennifer and Will, Matt and Kristy, and Luke arrived, all with various bags or boxes. I instantly got up to help someone or everyone, or anyone who wanted my help (and that happened to be Luke).

“Merry Christmas,” Jennifer smiled as she embraced me. I squeezed her tight before muttering the words back to her. She looked at me and raised an eyebrow, a little bit of concern in her eyes. “Did you have a good day,”

“Of course I did,” I smiled as I looked at her. I sighed deeply before looking over my shoulder at Spencer and Jasper. They were talking to each other and I honestly couldn’t tell if the conversation was a good conversation or not. I was just worried that Jasper and I would be leaving early and having an argument on the way home.

“Your boys fighting?” Jennifer asked as she followed my gaze to the two men.

“Honestly, with those two? I never know. I just wish for Christmas they wouldn’t fight,” I rolled my eyes. Jennifer laughed lightly as she looked back at me.

“I’m sure they’ll get along, someday,” she reassured. I looked back at her, dropping my shoulders. “And, for now, don’t worry about it,” she hummed once she saw my disappointment.

“Anyways, Penelope saw Chocolate Thunder for Christmas,” I looked over at Penelope and smiled. She looked back at me with a childlike excitement once I talked about her forbidden love.

“Oh? Really? I would love to hear more about that trip,” Jennifer looked over at the people sitting in the living room. I smiled as I watched Penelope recount her trip to the others.

“Wine,” David appeared beside me with a glass of wine. I smiled before graciously taking it from him.

{***}{***}{***}

I was happy to see that Jasper seemed to join in on the conversations with everyone, instead of sitting and wallowing in whatever emotion he was in. But I knew something was going on, because I could feel a certain annoyance or nervousness coming from him. Being on a team with a bunch of FBI profilers really helps to tell when something is wrong.

I smiled at Spencer and Jennifer before silently excusing myself to sit beside Jasper. Even though I couldn’t see him, I could feel Spencer’s eyes watching me. No matter what the situation was, he was always protective of me. He was my best friend, so I shouldn’t be too worried. He was more protective over me when it came to Jasper, too. He hated Jasper.

“Is everything okay,” I asked as I sat beside him on the couch. He turned to face me more and grasped both my hands. A certain worry was in his eye, which made me worry. “Is everything okay,” I looked at him, trying to push away all my anxieties.

“I just wasn’t sure if I would get the chance to ask you a question,” his voice was low. I furrowed my eyebrows as he pulled his hands from mine. I watched as he stood up in front of me. He cleared his throat, getting the attention of everyone else in the room. The room went silent as everyone turned to look at Jasper and I (but mostly Jasper). “Can I have everyone’s attention for just a moment,” he spoked, shoving his hands in his pockets.

Once he was certain he had the floor and everyone’s attention, more specifically mine, he looked back at me. He had a certain gleam in his eye that made me feel happy, and the exact opposite of nervous and worried.

“You’re the only person I’ve ever loved. There is no one I would rather spend my entire life with than you,” his words were smooth like butter and he was as relaxed as ever. He slowly lowered to the ground, kneeling on one knee. I brought my hands to my lips as I gasped. The girls around me were instantly squealing from excitement and the guys were stunned into silence. Spencer just glared from his seat across the room. “Will you marry me?” Jasper asked as he pulled his hand from his pocket. A black velvet box was in his hands, and inside was a diamond ring. I widened my eyes and felt the breath escape my lungs.

The room fell silent with his proposal. Everyone’s eyes fell on us, and I could feel the cold and mildly judgemental stare from Spencer. Of course, I wanted to say yes. I loved Jasper. And, no one could make me feel otherwise.

“Of course I’ll marry you, you fool,” I smiled at him as slid to the edge of the couch. A series of applause came from everyone as Jasper slid the ring on my finger. I rested my hands on his cheeks before pulling him into a kiss.

“Well, I think it’s time to pop open a bottle of champagne,” David spoke in a cheery tone before standing. I looked up at him with a smile and watched as he walked towards the kitchen. I looked back at Jasper before kissing him once again.

“I’m going to see if he needs any help,” Spencer spoke cooly before leaving. I looked at him, watching as he left. I looked over at Jennifer with a raised eyebrow, silently asking her to go see what’s wrong. She nodded before chasing after Spencer.

{***}{***}{***}

“Again, congratulations,” Krystall smiled as she hugged me. I returned the hug. As I pulled away, she grasped my hand. “Merry Christmas,” she looked up at me. I smiled before turning to David.

“Thank you guys so much. I’ll see you on Monday,” I looked at the couple again before turning to leave. Jasper had already gone out to the care to start it, seeing as it was very cold out.

“I’ll walk you out,” Spencer spoke up from behind David and Krystall. I looked past the couple at Spencer. He was already wearing his jacket and scarf. He wanted to leave the second Jasper proposed.

“Yeah, of course,” I smiled and nodded. Spencer gave his pardons to David and Krystall before we finally stepped outside.

“Did you have a good Christmas, Spence,” I looked up at him as we walked down the sidewalk. He kept his eyes low on the ground as we walked, and the silence he gave me was nearly deafening. I glanced at him, half worried because he’s never ever this quiet. Even when a sour police officer was getting annoyed or fed up with him, he wouldn’t even shut up.

“Yeah, yeah, spent it with my mom and JJ’s family,” he nodded as he kept his eyes low. I smiled and nodded. “What about you,” he finally looked over at me.

“Yeah, yep… Spent it with Jasper and his family and friends,” I nodded as I shoved my hands into my pocket.

“Not yours?” Spencer stopped walking. He grabbed my wrist, causing me to stop. I turned around and looked up at him. “I mean, it’s not very fair that he forced you to spend the holidays with his friends and family, and he looked like he wanted to jump off a bridge the whole time you were here… And you weren’t even here that long,”

“Spencer!” I looked up at him as I exclaimed. I stared at him with wide eyes. “What the hell is going on with you?” I dropped my shoulders as I looked at him.

“I’m just speaking the truth,” Spencer shrugged before he put his hands in his pockets. I shook my head and let out a laugh of disbelief.

“I gotta go,” I shook my head before turning to leave. I could hear Spencer muttering something to himself as I turned, and I just knew he had more to say.

“He doesn’t even love you!” Spencer shouted as I walked towards the car. I froze, staring at the window and Jasper sitting inside. I’m sure he could hear my argument with my best friend. My heart was in my throat and I could feel myself starting to get sick. My head started to get a little woozy. “I’ve seen the way he’s looked at you and talked to you! And, he doesn’t…”

“Spencer,” I turned around to look at him, feeling the irritation growing in my head and my heart. He was looking at me, face filled with fury. The expression on his face told me he was telling the truth, but also Spencer would never lie to me.

His eyes grew watery as he stared at me, and I knew the next thing he would say would probably break my heart. He was already telling the truth, a truth that I didn’t want to believe.

“Please don’t marry him,” his voice lowered as he spoke. And I swear I heard it crack. I swallowed roughly as I looked at him. “He was constantly talking to someone tonight, texting someone. I heard him on the phone with someone when I left the bathroom, and I know it wasn’t work,”

“Stop,” I looked at him, trying to get him to stop talking before he said anything more that would embarrass the both of us. “Goodnight, Spencer. I’ll see you Monday,” I nodded at him before slipping into the car.

“Ready?” Jasper asked, looking over at me as he grasped my hand. I looked over at him with a smile before nodding.

“Yeah,” I whispered before looking back out the window at Spencer. He was still standing on the sidewalk, staring at me. He wore a very hurt expression on his face, and I swear a tear was rolling down his cheek. And before anything could happen, Jasper started the car and pulled away from David’s house and my best friend.

{***}{***}{***}

“Have a nice day,” I looked up at Jasper as he slipped from the bed. He pressed his lips to my forehead, wishing me a good day, before leaving to get ready for the day. I was only asleep for a few minutes before my alarm went off, forcing me to get out of bed and get on with my day. And, although I still had a few more days left of no work, I still had my plate full of errands and chores.

Once my day finally started, I made way towards the dry cleaners. I had to pick up a couple of my blouses and a few slacks. Work had wrinkled and nearly ruined a few of my clothes, and the only place that could fix them was the dry cleaners. After the dry cleaners, I had to get a few groceries, seeing as all we had was some leftovers from Jasper’s parents’ place.

My phone started ringing, almost shocking me because I wasn’t expecting anyone to call me today. But I was more relieved when I saw that it was Jennifer calling.

“Hey, have you talked to Spence?” Jennifer asked as I pressed my phone between my head and shoulder. I furrowed my eyebrows as I readjusted the grip on the bags in hand.

“No, not since last night. We kind of had an argument before I left,” I muttered as I grabbed my phone. The memories of the argument with Spencer came back, and I tried my hardest not to recount them. I looked up at the sidewalk and people ahead of me and saw Jasper. He wasn’t alone though. Another woman was in his arms.

“Are you even listening to me?” Jennifer spoke, her tone mildly annoyed that I wasn’t answering any of her questions or acknowledging anything she was saying.

“I’m… I gotta go. I’m sorry,” I muttered before hanging up and shoving my phone in my pocket. I looked at Jasper and the woman and watched as he deeply kissed her.

I took a deep shaky breath before rushing back to my car. I didn’t even care about my fresh dry cleaning as I shoved it into the back. Tears were slowly rolling down my cheeks, and I wasn’t sure if there was a way I could stop them.

Not wanting to go home, the place that I would be reminded of him, I drove around, trying to figure where to go. Until I found myself standing outside Spencer’s apartment. I wasn’t exactly sure if I had knocked until the door swung open and Spencer was standing in front of me.

“Wh-what are you-Wait, is everything okay?” he asked, reaching a hand out to grasp my arm. I swallowed roughly and allowed him to hold my arm, and then my hand.

"I'm sorry… I didn't know where else to go. I didn’t want to go home because he’s there. And I just didn’t want to be around him,” I looked at Spencer with moisture in my eyes. He looked back at me with confusion settling on his face as he stared.

“What… What happened? What’s wrong?” He asked as he stepped out of his apartment and rested his hands on my shoulders. I looked up at him before allowing myself to fully break down. Spencer widened his eyes before pulling me into a hug. I pressed my face into his chest and sobbed.

“He cheated on me!” I exclaimed after a moment of crying. Spencer backed away from me to get a better look at me. “I was out doing errands… And I saw him…” I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes. Spencer looked at me as he slowly realized what I had said. I could tell he didn’t really know what to do, so he just hugged me again before pulling me inside.

“Sit, I’ll get you… I’ll get you tea. You like tea.” Spencer looked at me as he sat me on the couch. I looked up at him before wiping my cheeks. “Yeah, I’ll make you tea,” he nodded before leaving me alone in the living room. I looked towards the direction of his kitchen, listening to the clatter he was making. I could hear him talking to himself, saying stuff about Jasper, and me, and work, and the party last night, and our argument last night. I definitely shouldn’t be hearing him saying these things. It was an obvious thing that should be said to me another time.

“Can I stay here for the night?” I looked up at Spencer as he reentered the living room with a mug of hot water and teabag. He looked at me as he sat beside me. I graciously took the mug from him and put the teabag in it.

“Of course. You didn’t even have to ask,” Spencer looked at me as he grabbed a throw blanket. I sighed deeply as he placed it over my shoulders. “You can stay for as long as you need,” he looked at me as he furrowed his eyebrows.

“Thanks, Spence,” I looked down at the tea and shrugged, “I don’t know what I’m going to do. All my stuff is over there.” I wiped my eyes again. Tears just wouldn’t stop rolling down my cheeks, I was starting to feel a little ridiculous.

“Luke, Matt, and I will go over and bring it here. And you can stay for as long as you want," he insisted. I swallowed roughly before wiping my eyes. I looked up at him, trying to smile but it was rather unconvincing for the both of us. “You know that my place is your place,” he added and returned a genuine smile. His smile made me feel a little bit better and turned my unconvincing smile into something more convincing.

“Thank you, Spencer,” I whispered as I looked down at the cup of tea. The steam coming off it was rather soothing. “I don’t know how I didn’t see it! God. I’m so stupid! I’m sorry I didn’t believe you,” I looked at him, my statement sounding stupid.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” he whispered a hand and wiped my cheeks. I could sense that he wanted to say more, because he always as more to say, especially when it’s about proving someone wrong. So, when he stopped at ‘It’s okay’ I was a little confused. “You didn’t want to believe something that should be false. I understand that,” he folded his hands in his lap.

“I just don’t know what I’m going to do,” I looked down at the engagement ring on my finger. I wrinkled my nose before taking it off and chucking it at the coffee table. The ring dinged as it bounced on the hard surface. I muttered a few profanities as I stared at the ring. Spencer looked at me with a raised brow. “I guess that means you’re getting what you wanted… I’m not going to marry him,” I dryly laughed as I looked up at him.

“I didn’t want it like that,” Spencer whispered as he looked back at me. I looked up at him and frowned. “I was being selfish,” he whispered, mostly to himself. I raised an eyebrow before looking down at the ring.

“You’re allowed to be selfish, Spencer,” I mumbled before looking back at him.

“You’re right. But I want to be selfish for the right reasons,” he looked back at me. I swallowed roughly and shook my head. “He doesn't deserve you. And you don't deserve to have your heart broken by some guy,” Spencer muttered. I raised an eyebrow. “We don’t have to talk about it now, though, when you’re ready,” he assured.

I didn’t really want to press why he wanted to wait till I was ready. I was honestly always ready to talk to him, no matter what it was. So, I guess we’ll have to wait till he was good and ready. Even if that meant a very long time.

{***}{***}{***}

New Year’s Eve:

New Year’s Eve was especially difficult. Usually, I love it, just like Christmas. But this time… This time was different. I supposed being cheated on during such a big holiday can do that to you. My spirit for any exciting holiday was simply diminished and gone now.

So, that’s why I was sitting at the kitchen counter in Rossi’s house with my third glass of wine. I was really trying not to wallow in self-pity. But it was so easy when my excitement for the new year was just… gone. The others seemed okay with my sadness. Although, Spencer was the most concerned than anyone else. Everyone was off in the living room, laughing in their conversations. I just wanted to be alone for a moment.

“Hey,” Spencer looked at me as he sat beside me at the counter. I looked up from my drink and at him. A lazy and drunk smile grew on my lips as I looked at him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m doing great, Spence,” I looked at him as I stood up. He raised an eyebrow as I stumbled a bit. He grasped my arm to steady me a bit. “I’m gonna go outside. I need some fresh air. You stay here,” I patted his chest before leaving.

Spencer allowed me to go outside alone, I was half expecting him to follow me. So, I was happy when I took a seat outside. The air was a little bit chilly and nippy, which was mildly sobering. I kinda wished I had another drink with me.

I heard the back door open and then slam shut, causing me to turn around and look. Spencer was walking towards me with a blanket over his arm. It was only a few minutes since I came out here, he can’t have missed me that much.

“Here, it’s cold,” he offered me the blanket as he sat on the other outdoor chair. I took it and wrapped it around my shoulders like a cape. We sat in an uncomfortable, unnerving silence. I just wished he would say something so we wouldn’t be in the quiet.

“I just needed a few minutes alone. Everyone inside is just a little bit too loud for me,” I shrugged as I looked at the space between us. Spencer’s hum was unconvincing, but I’m sure my excuse was just as unconvincing too. “They’re too happy and I’m, well, not,” I looked up at him.

“I understand,” Spencer nodded, like he knew how I felt. I stared at him, only a little bit annoyed that he said that he understood. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Spencer, I’ve been living with you for the last week, you already know how I feel,” I looked up at him. The previous few nights I was up most of the night sobbing, mostly because I was heartbroken. It was bad and a little embarrassing because Spencer was the one who took care of me. “Thank you, for that… I do appreciate it,”

“You’re my best friend,” he whispered as he looked at me. A friendly smile grew on his lips as our eyes locked. “I care about you. And, I’d do anything to keep you safe,”

I didn’t really have anything to say, because I knew he meant it. He knew I felt the same way about him. There was a reason why I went to his home instead of Jennifer’s, or Emily’s… And, that reason was because he cared about me and he was my best friend.

I scooched the chair closer to him and threw the blanket over his other shoulder. He looked over at me with a smile and his hair flopped in front of his eyes. I smiled as I brushed the hair away from his face.

We fell back into our comfortable silence. My head was rested on his shoulder as his fingers slowly entwined with mine. I don’t think I was supposed to notice him holding my hand, but I did.

“Can I ask something from you, Spence,�� I asked, lifting my head from his shoulder. He looked at me with furrowed eyebrows, like he wasn’t sure if my question was a trick or not.

“Of course,” he nodded and looked at me. I turned to face him more, looking up at his face.

“Kiss me,” I whispered softly. My eyes flicked between his eyes and lips, and it was taking everything within me to not just kiss him. I could easily blame the copious amounts of alcohol I consumed earlier in the evening. Or I could blame the true and exact feelings I had towards Spencer. If I could, I’d wrap them up in a box with a bow and give it to him with a note tag that simply said ‘I love you’, but I wouldn’t. I won’t tell him the real reason why I want him to kiss me. It’s only been a week since my doomed relationship ended. I couldn’t tell him, yet. So I told him a lie. “I’m drunk and heartbroken, Spencer, please just kiss me,” I whispered as I lifted my hand to his tie.

“I, uh, I... “ Spencer mumbled as he glanced towards the house. I knew no one was watching what I was doing out here, and I knew they wouldn’t care about what Spencer was doing. They were all too busy playing various drinking games and too involved with themselves to care. “Is that a good idea? I’m not so sure that’s a good idea,” he muttered as he moved closer to me. And it wasn’t because I was tugging his tie.

“I think it is… I think it’s the greatest idea ever… Why else would I be asking?” I looked up at his eyes before smiling. I dropped my hand from his tie and noted that he wasn’t moving away from me. “Tell me, Spence, would I be a fool if you kissed me?” I looked into his eyes. My reflection was noticeable in his irises and it made me smile knowing I was that close to him.

“You’d never be a fool,” Spencer whispered, his breath tickling the space above my lips. I smiled and nodded.

“I don’t know about you, but I was pretty foolish last week,” I dryly laughed. Spencer furrowed his eyebrows before shaking his head. “Please, kiss me,” I quietly begged.

He placed his hands on my cheeks before pressing his lips to mine. I hummed happily as we kissed. I could barely keep myself up and myself breathing as he gently worked his lips against mine. My heart was beating in my chest, but at the same time, it was fluttering. He was so gentle and soft, like if he went any harder he’d break me. But, I’m already broken. The butterflies I was feeling in my stomach grew and caused a heat to work its way up my cheeks. But it wasn’t just a kiss. It never is just a kiss with people. And, Spencer is more than just a person. A kiss with Jasper just felt like eh, it left me feeling nothing. But a kiss with Spencer left me wanting more. I wanted more of my life with him. It was in the few mere moments we were kissing that I realized I really did love him.

Spencer was the first to move away from me, but only a few inches. Our noses were still touching and our foreheads were still pressed together. I licked my lips and smiled softly.

“That was…” I opened my eyes and looked at him. The smile on my lips grew wider as I looked at him. His eyes scanned my face, looking for any sort of worry or fear I might have had. But I had none. “Amazing,” I whispered as I dropped my shoulders. Spencer visibly relaxed as I finished talking.

“Good,” he laughed softly as he looked back at me.

“Best kiss I’ve ever had,” I whispered with a smile. Spencer returned the smiles he looked at me. “I know you’d fool me if you kissed me again,” I murmured against his lips. Spencer smiled before pressing his lips back to mine. I hummed as I wrapped my arms around his neck to hold him as close as possible. I didn’t want to move from my spot, and I knew Spencer didn’t want to move either. “I’d be okay if you did it again,”

“I love you,” Spencer muttered into my mouth, causing me to freeze in my spot. I kept my eyes closed because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to look at him. “Oh fuck, I shouldn’t have opened my mouth,” he groaned before tilting his head back away from me. I quickly opened my eyes and looked for his face. “Now I’m the fool,” he murmured against my lips. He was clearly embarrassed because I didn’t say anything back. I was mostly shocked because I wasn’t expecting it.

“Don’t say that,” I whispered, bringing my hands to rest gently on his cheeks. He looked at me with furrowed brows, like I was the one who was wrong about our words. “I love you too,” I smiled softly at him. Spencer looked at me, like I was suddenly a light in the darkness. And, I really liked the way it felt when he looked at me like that. “Like, I wished I realized it sooner… And, before I met, you know,” I muttered as I talked about the man who broke my heart a week ago. A look flashed in Spencer’s eyes at the mention of his, I suppose, enemy. I knew he wanted to kill the man. “I’m happy I did realize it though,” I smiled as I looked at him.

“I am too,” he finally said something after a moment of silence. The smile on his lips and in his eyes, and all the previous anger and hatred melted away. “I wish I could have told you sooner,”

“You told me at a perfect time, Spencer,” I whispered before kissing him again. I nearly fell back in a fit of laughter as he tried deepening the kiss, but I was happy he kept me steady.

“Don’t worry, I got you now,” he whispered as he held me close.

{***}{***}{***}

This Christmas:

You would have thought that I was going to hate Christmas this year. I mean, considering what happened last year? He basically ruined my week and the whole holiday for me. But it got better, thanks to Spencer.

I looked up at Spencer as I wrapped my arms around his and rested my head on his shoulder. He looked back down at me with a smile before knocking on the door.

“I hope everyone had a good Christmas,” I whispered as I looked at the wreath on David’s door. Krystall must be happy about her decor this year.

“Well, this is the first year neither of us really spent it with anyone else from the team,” Spencer replied as he brought his other hand to rest on my arm. I smiled before nuzzling my head more into his shoulder. “Well, This would be the first year I didn’t spend with JJ and Will,” he spoke again, changing his answer.

“Next year,” I smiled softly as I looked up at him, “Who knows, maybe next year we’ll have our own family,” I smiled smugly. Spencer laughed and shook his head, but the happy gleam in his eyes told me otherwise. Of course he wouldn’t actually verbalize that he wants kids, it’s just been known for years that he wanted them.

“Maybe,” he looked down at me and winked. I rolled my eyes and shook my head lightly. My words were cut off by the front door swinging open. Krystall was standing by the door with a wide smile on her lips. She looked pretty happy to see Spencer and I.

“Merry Christmas, you two,” she smiled as she stepped to the side to allow us in, “Did you have a good morning?” she looked at us as we walked in.

“Wonderful,” I smiled as I looked up at Spencer and smiled. He returned the smile as he unbuttoned his jacket. Of course, we wouldn’t exactly talk about what we did this morning, I’ll just say it was a little NSFW to share with people you work with. And, somethings gotta stay between Spencer and I.

“Is anyone else here?” I looked back at Krystall as I slipped my own jacket off. I don’t really know why I asked if anyone else was here… Spencer and I were the last ones to show up...

“You’re the last ones to arrive,” she smiled at us, “Jennifer and Will brought their boys,” she spoke as childish laughter filled the moment of silence after her words.

“Oh! We were just talking about we didn’t see them this morning,” I looked up at Spencer as I moved closer to him. He carefully wrapped an arm around my waist, holding me closer to him. “I can’t wait to see them,” I smiled as I looked at Spencer. He returned the look with a loving look in his eye.

“Well, I know you two know your way around the house, everyone is in the living room. If you need anything just let us know,” Krystall smiled at us before leaving to put our coats somewhere. Once she was out of our sight, I looked back up at Spencer.

“We should probably go see everyone,” I smiled as I looked towards the kitchen. Spencer gently placed a hand on my cheek, guiding my face to face his. “What,” I whispered as I looked up at him.

“I love you,” he returned the whisper before pressing his lips to mine. I hummed as I melted into his kiss. His hand was firmly placed on my waist and he carefully pulled me closer to his body.

“God, not in Rossi’s house,” a groan came from behind us. I pulled away from Spencer and looked over my shoulder. Emily was standing in the doorway, looking at us as she lifted her glass to her lips.

“What, he was just hugging me,” I smiled at her. Spencer’s hands were still firmly on my me. And, it was very clear that he was not just hugging me. Judging by the expression on Emily’s face, she definitely saw more than she bargained for.

“Sure you were,” she smiled at us, “Spence, David needs you in the kitchen,” she looked at Spencer before pushing herself off the wall and leaving. I pouted and looked up at him.

“It’ll be just a minute. Save me a seat,” he whispered before quickly pecking my lips and swiftly leaving me in the foyar. More laughter came from the living room, causing me to smile. I instantly knew I wanted to join in the laughter and fun with the others, more specifically the two young boys.

When I stepped into the living room, everyone greeted me with a lot of excitement. It felt like they hadn’t seen me in months, but we just saw each other two days ago.

“Hey, Merry Christmas,” I smiled as I looked at everyone. Michael and Henry ran up to me and wrapped their arms around my legs, “Hey you two,” I ruffled my hand in their hair.

“Boys,” Jennifer called from her spot on the couch. I looked up at her and smiled as her two boys let go of me. I smiled before taking a seat at the armchair. “Where’s Spence? Did he come?” Jennifer asked as she watched me sit. Everyone had this weird sort of energy, like they knew something that I didn’t exactly know. I always hated when they did that. They knew that too. Granted, I’m not typically a person who likes surprises or secrets.

“Yeah, he’s helping Dave with something in the kitchen,” I smiled as I looked at her. Michael ran up to me, holding a toy truck he got this morning. “Whoa! That’s such a cool truck, Michael! What else did you get?” I leaned and braced myself on my knees. He was very quiet as he told me what he got, but he was very enthusiastic about everything. When he finished telling me everything he got, he cautiously climbed onto the chair and sat beside me.

“You were supposed to save me a seat,” a voice came from behind me. I looked behind me and saw Spencer, looking down at me with a wide smile. “I’ll just have to sit over here,” he faked a pout before going to sit on the other armchair.

“What can I say, the fellas love me,” I smiled as I watched him sit. As much as I loved sitting with Jennifer’s boys, I really wanted to sit with Spencer. Even from across the living room, he knew that too.

As the night went on, food was eaten, drinks were drunk, presents were exchanged. I still had a 4 year old little boy attached at my hip, and there was no getting rid of him. Don’t get me wrong, I loved him… But, there were things that I wanted to do. Like sit with Spencer, and talk about things other than toys and little kid things…

“Can we talk real quick?” Spencer asked as he squatted beside me and Michael. I looked at him and nodded, feeling my face falter slightly. I looked down at the boy on my knee, silently telling Spencer that my shadow probably won’t leave me alone. Spencer looked over his shoulder at Jennifer, silently telling her something.

“Hey, Michael, c’mere,” Jennifer spoke to her child. Michael looked up at me before hugging me and leaving me alone. I looked back up at Spencer before standing up.

“Privately?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. Spencer swallowed roughly and nodded before grasping my hand and bringing me outside. The door clicked shut behind us as we walked towards the sitting area. I was instantly hugging myself to keep myself somewhat warm, because it was cold and I wasn’t wearing my coat.

“I’ll be quick, I’m sorry,” he cringed, grasping both my hands to hold them. I furrowed my eyebrows as I warily looked at him. The anxiety that I was feeling was through the roof, and I knew he noticed it too.

“Is everything okay,” I whispered as I looked at him. I was worried something was wrong. Why else would he want to talk to me alone? But, something couldn’t have been wrong, because he was smiling and laughing and looked happy.

“I just wanted to talk to you for a second... And without Michael by your side,” Spencer laughed as he looked back at me. I smiled as I looked up at him. “And I wanted to have a moment with you, alone,” he looked over my shoulder at the house. Something flashed in his eyes as he pulled one hand from me and put it in his pocket. “In fact… I wanted eternity with you,” he whispered as he looked at me. I dropped my shoulders as I slowly realized what he meant. “I know Christmas is your favorite, and last Christmas was ruined… But I wanted to make it mean something to you again…”

“Spen-”

“Will you marry me,” he whispered, pulling out a small grey box and opening it up. The ring was a plain silver band with a diamond embedded in the center. I looked at him and smiled. “I know it’s barely been a year… But,”

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” we both said it in unison. He looked up at me and smiled, his eyes a little bit moist. Mine were also welling up a little bit.

“Of course I’ll marry you, Spencer,” I whispered looking at him with a smile. He returned the smile before sliding the ring on my finger. I placed my hands on his cheeks before pulling him into a kiss. Cheering and applause came from inside, causing me to laugh against his lips. I looked up at him and smiled. “I love you,” I whispered softly.

“I love you too,” Spencer smiled before kissing me again.

{***}{***}{***}

The following morning Spencer and I were downtown. We didn’t have much to do, so we explored downtown while the holiday decorations were still up. Spencer was actually taking me to an after Christmas movie thing at a black and white theater. Our quiet laughter and conversation made me feel happy. Our conversations were mostly filled with the excitement of our new engagement and future wedding.

That was until I was stopped abruptly as we walked into a familiar man and woman. I stared at him, feeling a certain sickness rise in my stomach. Spencer’s arm went back around me in a protective manner. My body went frigid as I stared at the man and the woman, so I was thankful for Spencer’s embrace.

“Jasper,” I spoke, almost breathlessly. I swallowed roughly as I stared at them. Jasper was quiet for a long time. I knew for a fact he was pretending to not know who I was. But he 100% knew who I was, and who Spencer was.

"I almost didn't recognize you," he laughed as he looked at me. I started back and held back the scoff. "You look so different,"

“Well, it’s been a year, so it doesn’t surprise me,” I looked at him and then at his wife. His pregnant wife. I only knew they were married now because of the ring she was nonchalantly showing off to Spencer and I. I wouldn’t be surprised if she thought I was wallowing in pity for a full year. They’re probably both surprised by seeing me with Spencer, Jasper more than her. I bounced back from our spilt faster than he probably thought.

I ignored them and looked up at Spencer, who was staring at Jasper with such laser precision I swear he’d kill him. But, to be fair, Jasper was staring at Spencer with the same amount of hatred. I knew his wife was clearly uncomfortable with everything that was happening. I was uncomfortable.

“Well, it was nice seeing you again,” Jasper looked at me with a smile that was faker than a Kardashian’s ass.

“We best be going now. Spencer and I have an appointment we can’t miss,” I spoke as he opened his mouth. It was obvious he wanted to have the first out, but we just spoke over each other. I looked up at Spencer before grasping his hand and pulling him past the couple. Not another word was spoken between us, and not another word will ever be spoken between us. But, that’s okay. I have all I could ever need or want.

I looked up at Spencer before looking back down at the ring on my finger. The ring that he placed there. This is a lot better than last Christmas, and I can’t wait for the rest of my Christmases to be with Spencer.

spencer taglist: @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto

#shadow writes stuff #shadow posts stuff #masterlist #matthew gray gubler #spencer reid #criminal minds #mgg #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #matthew gray gubler fanfiction #matthew gray gubler imagine #matthew gray gubler x reader #doctor spencer reid #doctor spencer reid imagine #doctor spencer reid fanfiction #doctor spencer reid fan fiction #criminal minds one shot #criminal minds fan fic

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loudestcloud · 4 years ago

Text

BNHA Character Theme Songs!

PT 1

PT 2: Class 1-A! This part is in class seating order so it's easy to remember.

Part 3

Aoyama - This is from a kids movie called 'Monster in Paris' and is a funky little song and their love of the The Seine but can be taken as just a romantic song in general. It has a nice dance rynthem and is generally a good time. Not a lot of people know this movie from my experience and it reminds me that not a lot of ppl seem to like Aoyama and I don't know why cos he's wonderful.

Mina - it's a nice dance beat, nice and good vibes, relaxed lyrics and positive. I was considering Dancing queen by ABBA but it felt a bit too feminine and not all the lyrics fit so I went for my original choice I have last year. Ngl hers is one of the only ones I've kept the same 😅

Tsu - She give he huge Kero Kero Bonito vibes and I choice Flamingo because it's the most popular one of hers so it's iconic and super recognisable. I was considering Trampoline but that was a bit more of an Uraraka vibe in some places and the others just didn't fit as perfectly as Flamingo. It's a song about being very accepting and it very high energy.

Iida - Originally, I had Little Dark age for him because it reminds me of his thought process over Stain. Then it was Born to Run by American authors but it sounded a bit too rebellious for him so we have this choice. Mostly because 'Its in my blood' but over all it shows hjs determination.

Uraraka - My place holder for her was Gravity by Against the current but it sounded like X Jiro cos its romantic so I chose this new one as it was the first one that came to mind. It's about growing confidance and learning to relax a bit but also talks about gravity and starts a lot. I also like that it's the same album as the DekuSquad song because she's a big apart of that.

Ojiro - His was a struggle to find because I couldn't find one that I liked. When I think of him I think loyalty, pride and martial arts. I would have liked to find something more about his personal but no song jumped out at me so I decided on a lofi background style for him that has a Japanese style to it. Ojiro doesn't get much spotlight so I think a relaxing background song is great for him. You can listen to lofi on it own if you want but not a lot of people do. It's a background sound.

Kaminari - Buttercup makes no sense at all but it's a wonderful vibe and a good time! It made me think about him all short circuited but also just because he's fun to be around. I was going to have 'My name is...' by Once monster but it sounded too intense for Kaminari so I stuck with this one.

Kirishima & TetsuTetsu - Okay so as you can see by there being 3 songs from it, I love this album. So much. Every time I hear 'Gotta go hard' and 'My strength and my honour is trusted by children' I think about Kirishima. TetsuTetsu is included because of the hype man in the back, 'You gotta chose a side' and 'I ain't got no time to be hangin around' makes me think of him and honestly, I think they'd enjoy having a song together.

Koda - This one is usually used for him and I've always agreed so much so that I can't think of anything else. Koda is such a sweetheart and I do just wanna see him be brave. I wanna see his confidance grow more and more each day 💖

Sato - Okay so hear me out. When you play it, it sounds like it should be in a superhero movie fight scene. But, it's from Bake off: The professionals. That's it, that's the reason.

Shoji - I took a long time to find his too because I wanted to find a song that had hard base but was able something sweet. Instead, I found a Lofi sunflower cover because Shoji is also in the background a lot and not a lot of people talk about him so it's he's a lofi but he's sunflower because he's still a hero but also he is quite a gentle boy and actually had quite a bit of anxiety once you get to know him.

Jiro - The lead singer of Against the current is the one who sang Hero too so I knew her song had to be by them because it'd be exactly her. I looked at all of them and it was better Legends never die and this one and as iconic as the latter is, I chose Brighter because 'i want something more' reminds me of her wanted to do hero work over music and is a very powerful song.

Sero - It's a Spiderman song so that's a link but also i can't unlink it to him once I made a joke about it being him ages ago. So it's here now.

Tokoyami - It's a pretty emotional part of the movie so you get that emo feel from that but also it's pretty clear as why it him when you play it. Also Dark shadow is the 2nd and 3rd voice for sure!

Todoroki - This is not a joke. I think it fits him very nicely. Yes, it is MRC and classic emo but I feel like the beginning is about Endevor 'asking' him to be the next top pro and 'sometimes I get the feeling she's watching over me' feels like it's about Toya. Then you have then 'We'll carry on' that's about carrying the memory but also working to become the best without Endevor

Hagakure - This is such a funny sing to follow that but I chose it because it's peppy, super positive and it's 2000s pop and that's her main vibe.

Bakugo - I was gonna use 'The best' by AWLNATION but it didn't have my quirk related parts and felt like everyone talking about why they want to be the top then Bakugo saying 'na, I just want to cos I can' and while that is really good, On fire it's solo about him, his determination and has mentions of explaotions so like 💥

Midoriya - I found this this one from this video and I can't think of anything else so all credit to them but damm is it perfect. Sure Deku could have something more powerful or something like a 'Zero to hero' type song but this one is more about him and who he is with added punch for that chorus and it kinda sounds like he's talking to further heros.

Mineta - This bitch took 2hs to find one for and it was horrible to have to think of him for so long but here it is. I didn't want to skip him because like, it'd mess up the list and I didn't want to used a super annoying joke song because it's mess up the flow so I found this one and it's pretty near perfect for him. Nasty fucker that he is

Yoayorozu - This was a heat of the moment choice last at night but I woke up and read my notes that said 'Classical, recognizable, powerful & Feminine' and I mean, yeah, you right. It's The ride of the Valkyrie I don't think a better choice can be made here. The Valkyrie are powerful and smart women and the song it's while it can be played in the background isn't the type you can ignore, it has to be heard. Not because it's loud, because it's strong!

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queenofthefaces · 5 years ago

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kyle for the character thing!!!!

Buckle up bc I’m extra af and love talking abt characters. Be aware this is like, entirely personal opinion and personal interpretation and also it’s almost 2am so LETS GO

1) sexuality hc: I’ve always really liked bi Kyle ahsjdkfk and tbh I’ve always found the idea of his attraction to other ppl really interesting

The way I characterize him is that he’s someone who’s like, typically very passive with his attraction. He’ll kind of glance at someone and think they’re attractive but he doesn’t necessarily have any strong feelings towards them or desire/drive to want to pursue anything with them. If he does want to pursue them it’s usually out of a sense of obligation or expectation—like a “well I might as well” or “this is what I’m supposed to do” kinda thing

Except Kyle DOES have exceptions—when he finds someone he feels passionately about, someone he’s emotionally and mentally invested in, it’s like 0-100 in terms of difference, bc suddenly he can’t stop thinking abt that person, how much he wants to be with them, etc. and a lot of that characterization, for me, falls in line w the specific ship I have for Kyle (which is obvious if you’ve followed me for a few but I’ll get Into That in the next section)

2) OTP: KYMAN by far my fave Kyle ship and one of my all time fave sp ships overall. I’ve always LOVED rivals/enemies to lovers ships that specifically have 1) characters who are equals 2) characters who are incredibly intimate and close w one another even if (or because of) it’s in the context of the rivalry 3) the characters have either some level of co-dependence or a need for the dynamic or one another in some way bc the relationship is fulfilling to them and bonus if 4) they’re the only ones that really understand each other

And I jus. Love that. Esp w kyman it’s so much fun taking that dynamic, the codependency and obsession, and just. Playing with it, on a storytelling/character analysis level. And then making it healthy, having them work through issues, bc the idea that “we’re both in way too deep with each other, we can either destroy each other or learn to get along” is jus 👌👌👌

And w kyman I love having Eric be Kyle’s exception. Kyle feels basically nothing towards his other s/o’s in contrast to how deeply he feels about Eric, and for Eric to have just as much depth of emotion in return. It’s fascinating and really fun esp when written from a kind of duo-redemptive story—they both start out toxic towards each other, and their relationship is toxic to other people, but they can’t bring themselves to put an end to it so they finally make it to that middle ground and come out as better peoole, together

This applies to a lot of my rivals/enemies to lovers ships but w kyman in particular there’s the added Funkiness of the childhood friends dynamic which is TASTEY like some nice sprinkles to jus add that extra Flavour. I love the concept of Kyle and Eric forming parts of their entire identities around each other from the time they were in diapers and everyone accepts that they’re always gonna he crazy for each other bc no one has the bond they do it’s so much fun

4) brotp: I should think more abt Kyle friendships tbh I don’t give those as much attention ahsjdkfkfk—tho I definitely have a soft spot for the super best friends kyle + Stan, I just have to work some development into it.

I love exploring their friendship as smth that deteriorates bc they grow apart as people, but then they realize they don’t WANT to grow apart and have to work to stay friends bc being friends isn’t as easy as it was when you were 8. It brings this really cool development that confronts Stan’s passivity towards his friends/his nihilism and Kyle’s entitlement and lack of emotional sensitivity and how they both need to make some compromises (but esp Kyle, bc I can see Stan as someone who tries very hard to not get much feedback).

In terms of Kyle being friends w other people I’m thinking it would be pretty situational. I can see Kyle getting some really eye opening perspectives from other ppl if he opens himself up to their views but that requires knocking Kyle down a few pegs lol, it’s fun to have him learn to recognize his own assumptions abt ppl and learning to value them as individuals yanno?

3) notp: honestly? Any other kyle ship. I can personally only see Kyle w Eric ahsjdkfk kyman endgame all the way. For me, a lot of other Kyle ships like, don’t make any sense, a lot in part bc I see Kyle as someone who has a lot of issues w socialization, entitlement, and selfishness along with his UNENDING OBSESSION w Eric Cartman (which also somewhat stems from those issues bc of Kyle’s sense of self identity vis a vis the rivalry)

Like, I can’t see Kyle sitting down and forming a meaningful romantic relationship w anyone else bc like, no one can provide the fulfillment, engagement, drive, and push/pull of Kyle’s relationship w Eric. Kyle would leave at the drop of a hat to confront smth Eric was doing and I don’t think he’d ever compromise with that. And someone who does compromise on that probably isn’t someone Kyle would want to be with in the long run.

I think the only ship I can see would be like, poly m4 bc that draws on pre-existing dynamics and doesn’t break or try to divy up Kyle’s attention. (Even tho like I said I don’t like Kyle w anyone else romantically)

5) 1st hc that pops in my head: my Kyle is autistic as fuck. Characterizing him as autistic gives a lot of insight into how his mind works and why he acts the way he does—a lot of his thought processes are just. What makes the most logical sense to him. It’s just that those trains of thought are on KYLES logic and that’s when he struggles to realize when he’s crossed a line or overstepped a boundary. Or how his brain is usually always “self-centered”—not in a morally negative way, just in that it’s not a natural reflect for him to remember other people.

And a ton of other things as well( including a fun hc of Kyle trying to use his autism as an excuse for being a dick, until Also Autistic Craig steps up like, no dude you’re just an asshole bc you’re not trying to do better). And bc as an autistic person, I really relate hard to Kyle to the point where if he were real I’d probably hate him bc we’d be too similar lmao; I think esp when I was a kid I acted a lot like Kyle—the self righteousness, the bossiness, the belief that my way was the only way that made sense and everyone else was just Wrong, the anger issues, etc.

It’s why I’m tough on Kyle a lot of the time, but it’s also why I love thinking abt his development, bc I know firsthand that he can mellow out, change, become a better, more wellrounded and emotionally aware person, and how he can make an effort into doing so

6) oh shit I didn’t even mean for this but obviously one way I relate to Kyle is the Above autistic hc and how I characterize him. Like I said, I acted a LOT like Kyle when I was a kid, so I know he’s an irritating little shit, but also brilliant and too thoughtful for his own good sometimes.

But another thing: I characterize Kyle as someone who is a natural leader, but hates being in official leadership positions. And this is also smth I’ve kinda written due to personal experience. But also from the way kyles often portrayed in canon—in the games, he’s always a support role, always a healer, ranged fighter, or someone who boosts and buffs allies

I see Kyle as the type of person who can easily take control in, for example, a group project situation, or when he’s hanging out with Stan and they’re only doing what Kyle wants to do bc Kyle comes up with all the ideas and Stan just goes along with them

But I can’t see Kyle as someone who’d want to be, like, student counsel president. (That’s more Wendy’s wheelhouse) Mostly bc there’s too much responsibility that it’s just exhausting, and more than that, those official positions are STIFLING. They run on someone else’s schedule and they’re creatively constructive. You can’t fully do your own thing bc you have to be constantly aware of how the group works and what the group wants. I can’t see Kyle as being happy in that position bc he’d get sick of having to conform his ideas to what other ppl want—he just wants to do his own thing.

So instead, Kyle would be more comfortable in a supporting role. Bc in a position like, for example, secretary or VP, he can still have a lot of influence, power, and knowledge, but he’s free from those restrictions that come from being the face of a group. And he’s also free from the social obligations of being a leader, esp in having to deal w other groups in like a business sort of way. AND if the group falls, Kyle won’t take as much of the blame, bc it’s probably not his fault anyways so why should everyone point fingers at him. It’s much less pressure.

(And it’s also kinda inspired by his role in the CBAA??—Cartman’s perfect in the CEO/face of the company position bc Cartman is comfortable with and relishes in the attention and social aspect of being the face/leader of a company, and Kyle can reap all the benefits of being a part of that company, including being an integral pillar of the company, w/o the deficits. If Eric and Kyle ran a company they’d work together, sure, but Eric would crumble without Kyle’s support, and Kyle would hate the stifling pressure of the head position, which makes them a perfect pair.)

(And again this is based on personal experience—I’m a natural leader. People listen to me, I can organize groups, and I’m a good mediator, but I hate when it becomes Official bc I can’t just. Do my own thing as I want to and it’s far too much to keep track of and most of it doesn’t interest me. It always irritated me when my parents tried to push me into like running for student president bc I just kept thinking abt all the work I’d have to do that I wouldn’t care abt)

7) what gives me secondhand embarrassment about Kyle? Well. Just......how much he reminds me of when I was a stupid kid. He’s such a little shit oh my god Kyle shut the fuck up YOURE NOT GHANDI. When Kyle’s being entitled and stuck up, when he thinks he’s better than other ppl, and when his own big mouth and pride are what fucks him over I’m just oh my god. Oh my GODDDDDD SHUT UPPPPP.

Mostly it’s secondhand embarrassment bc I’m jus oh my god ur an idiot—but again bc I know he has the ability to grow out of that and look back on himself with a grimace at how dumb he was ahsjdkfkfk

8) cinnamon roll or problematic fave? Definitely the latter, I love Kyle and I love when he’s happy and contented but him as a cinnamon roll kinda character feels so flat to me. I love him as a problematic fave he’s so much fun as a disaster. He’s complex—he’s tough and caring and angry and compassionate and an absolute fireball of EMOTIONS but he tries to act like he’s a logical rational person and I jus? He’s so much more fun and dynamic when he’s allowed to be messy

(Of course this is long why wouldn’t it be AHSJDKDKKFKGLGLH)

#long post #kyman #south park #kyle broflovski #fl5k #creo talks

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gotatext · 5 years ago

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hello, its nora (she/her, gmt) n this is the ethereal but spoiled alma olive putnam (she goes by all 3 names cos she’s pretentious as fuck). raised in a farmhouse in vermont, big horse girl energy. very hungry for everything life has to offer. wakes up and smells the success in her blood. luvs the smell of libraries and listening to french music from a tinny record player in knee socks. here is pinterest. bio is below the cut, like this post to be bombarded with plotting messages but i might forget tho so pls message me x

application template.

『ELLE FANNING ❙ CIS-FEMALE』 ⟿ looks like ALMA OLIVE PUTNAM is here for HER JUNIOR year as a CLASSICS student. SHE is 21 years old & known to be RESILIENT, MAGNETIC, CALLOUS & PROUD. They’re living in PERKINS, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ NORA. 24. GMT. SHE/HER.

aesthetics.

a red beret nestled on top of bright platimum locks, neck scarves tied around your throat the way they do it in french new wave films, running barefoot through the woods in feckless hedonism, china dolls with porcelain faces lined against the walls of your room, the mona lisa smile, knee-socks tugged over the hockey grazes on your knees, a forged botticelli drying on your easel, ophelia floating in the middle of a lake.

proceed w caution, tw for death, drugs, alcohol, violence

the short form.

— studying classics cos she thinks it makes her sound smart, but actually hates fuckin latin and just loves learning about feckless hedonism and the festivals of bacchus and writing about how all women in myth are literally forgotten. was expelled from princeton in her first year so her parents basically paid her way into radcliffe but she made an impression.... like... super fast and in her sophomore year she was upgraded to perkins accomodation n a paid scholarship bcos i think the governors kind of expect to see her in the supreme court one day or.

— born in vermont in a big old farmhouse. her great-great-grandfather moved to america as an immigrant and worked on a plantation, made his way up cos he could speak a lot of languages and therefore win more people over. for the last two generations, putnam men have owned the farm and do little of the dirty work. big in the meat industry.

— both her parents had large personalities, so alma’s never really been shy around adults, even as a kid she’d speak to them in a forthright, confident manner, and because she was always surrounded by adults, she’s always seemed a bit wise beyond her years.

— very much a consolidation of every character in the secret history. has a morbid longing for the picturesque at all costs. obsessed with w.h. auden and the beat poets. — ”aestheticism is the only thing worth pursuing and even that is pointless” — is majoring in classical civilisation. can read ancient greek and latin. also speaks french.

— studies hard and plays hard. she gets top marks but it’s because academia is literally her life, she loves the smell of libraries, the ancient smoke of learning, of feeling like old wine in a new bottle reincarnated from the bones of some old, dead witchy woman who invented a cure for cowpox or somethin.

— isn’t a foward-planner, however. alma prefers to leave her options open, play the field, live in a spontaneous manner so her study style is mostly cramming a few days before a test, or staying up all night writing an essay on a massive adrenaline boost powered by red bull or probably adderall, scribbling (or typing) furiously into the night.

— pretentious motherfucker. loves poetry, especially the romantics, loves morbid ones too, edgar allen poe, sylvia plath, allen ginsberg, she just loves them all. can’t get enough. her favourite films are like…. wanky artfilm independent european cinema. especially french new wave. “what do you think of goddard’s work??” while snorting a line off someone’s sink at 5am on a school night, but you can bet she’ll make it to that 9am class. — very intelligent and beautiful and knows both of those facts. plays devil’s advocate. humanitarian, vegan. — judgemental but takes great care not to appear so. petty and vindictive

— obsessively devours mystery and thriller novels. she herself is a gillian flynn book waiting to happen. — tries to be an enigma. wants to be mysterious and unreadable because that’s what books have taught her makes women desirable and interesting and cool. very amy dunne in the way she expertly reinvents herself to suit her audience, when she wants to impress

— act like the flower but be the serpent under it. is a user. manipulative. leads people on. will throw another student under the bus to demonstrate her own intelligence and integrity — heavily involved in the theatre society. loves attention. — has an addictive personality. seems unable to do anything in a small dose, she has to let it utterly consume her. with sports, she’s fiercely competitive, runs track, played lacrosse at school, now is a cheerleader probably. with alcohol, it’s never a shot, it’s a whole bottle – wine or whiskey – she’ll be table dancing before the night’s up and making out with someone she’ll regret in the morning.

— her clothing style is like…. vintage thrift store but make it preppy. berets and cute hats, neck scarves, large fluffy cardigans or like those leathery jackets with big suede fringes on them, mini skirts (very 70s), and knee-high socks or boots. quite often she’ll be in sports kit, maybe a cute tennis skirt, n when she’s feeling casual she’ll wear like, a talking heads tshirt with a pair of mom jeans and converse, but otherwise, the library is her catwalk. — relates to ophelia from hamlet and sibyl vane in dorian gray. weirdly obsessed with women who commit suicide. loves jackson pollock paintings and abstract art. – likes old things. old books, old music, old houses, it reminds her of happier times like when she wasn’t alive. buys all her music on vinyl and has a gramophone because “the sound quality is better” kfdsjj.

plots.

here are some generic wanted plots but by all means message me so we can flesh them out more if any strike ur interest:

study buddies !! someone who is equally unprepared and so spends all night in the library with alma before a big deadline, maybe they even met in the library

if they’re from new england or vermont, then cousins . second cousins / extended family / family friends – probably spat volavons on your character once as children, omg childhood friends !

people who live in perkins n feel like they r constantly competing with one another to keep their place as one of the #elite only know each other from brief interactions in the lift or the canteen

honestly someone who is fully in love with her or crushing on her that she can just break would be sweet :/ or on the other hand someone she unexpectedly gets feelings for and actually wants to guage her own eyeballs out bc of it

frinds !! unlikely friends !! toxic friends !! former best friends separated by sporting or academic rivalries !

hockey / cheer friends who are on other teams but who she absolutely loves playin against!!!

fellow academics who like meeting up to discuss latin and greek ! gimme a secret society bonding by their love of ancient learning

i reckon she’s in a lot of societies, definitely the film club, maybe works as a projectionist at the uni cinema if they have one so give me ppl affiliated with that, give me fellow wanky pretentious art-lovers and poets and historians who will go to museums and galleries with her and listen to the velvet underground on vinyl

people she gets mortally fucked off her tits with at parties

people who think she is throwing her academic potential away by caving to hedonistic impulse

A SECRET SOCIETY !!! honestly i would die for a slug club esque thing in which the children of notable families are invited to dinners OR alma’s also an art forger, so maybe like a club of students set up to basically forge paintings and documents from the university special collections

people she has drunkenly made out with, hooked up with, or regularly sleeps with casually, maybe even a friend w benefits she is repressing feelings for, i love angst,

people she used to date or unrequitedly likes, but to them it’s just a physical thing, give me all the thirsty angst plots, and maybe some softness too, i need some religion in this girls life, she is a roman catholic after all

full biography.

alma olive putnam.

intro.

the girl is a knife. razor-sharp, double-edged, the bright shine of a two-faced, lovely thing. silver like the secrets you magpie thief from other heads. you’re a scavenger of knowledge, of tidbits, of gossip to lock away for later use and late-night re-inspection. a mind is like a clock if you get to learn the pieces. bit by bit, you dismantle the inner workings of the brains that tick around you – how easy it is to change it’s path, how words and their meanings can make a person laugh or cry in an instant. to have the power to control that is to be a god. it’s the power trip you crave wielding pom-poms in your hands; a possessive need for control that a younger you, small and weak, never had as a child. small lips, smaller smile, a doll clutched in your too-hungry fingers, hard enough to shatter the bones of a real infant. you cut your hair with your mother’s kitchen scissors before the autumn falls, rendering you out of season, unfit for the cold weather that beats against the nape of your neck, where a stick-and-poke marks the star you were born under ; the bull. “mama, when will i be a queen?” as soon as they find a crown small enough not to slip from your head.

biography.

if you get hungry enough, they say, you start eating your own heart. hands red, stained by pomegranate seeds, the empty pulp of its shell splattered on your thighs you find yourself wondering – what would it be like to want? in the beginning, you never knew hunger. twins, born under the same star, you first, him second – a nuclear family. never a sister to compete with, you were always the cherry pie of your parents’ hearts. white-haired, blue-eyed, beautiful baby of mine. the townhouse in vermont and the summer house in lyon, you wanted for nought, showered with attention, saddled with gifts - hardly a wonder you came to rely on such affection as a confirmation of your own worth.

at eight years old you first met death, blood on a gingham-print dress, a smear of it over your cheekbone and the pulp of a mangled animal at your feet murdered by the hands of a stable boy. “alma, my precious baby, you get away from that filth,” your mama would cry from the upstairs balcony – cigar in one hand and a bloody mary in the other – though whether the filth she referred to was the dead pig or the boy with a kernel of corn in his mouth, you never did find out.

your family earned their keeps in farming, great-grandfather wolfgang hildegarde a german immigrant, great-grandmother maura lisbon a prairie girl. they fell hopelessly in love between troughs and pig-shit, working for three dollars a day at a farm their descendants would later own, trade deals with the indians, vacations to calcutta, your father todd putnam in the kind of sheepskin coat his father’s father could only dream of owning. he worked hard so that you’d never have to. your mama once asked – you heard it through the window, rounding cartwheels across the picket-fenced lawn – could he not find a respectable career rather than selling shrink-wrapped pork for a dime a dozen? that blood money had no business raising a child. you look far back enough, edie, your father had said in his low, strong voice that could bring a civil war to silence, and i think you’ll find that all money is blood money.

language was never fickle on your tongue, french dinner time talk by the time you were out of your hush puppy shoes, your mama fixing the au pair a smile as she fixed herself another martini. you learned the clarinet at four and how to dance with the grace of a swansong at six, ethereal under a spotlight, an audience captive in the palm of your hand. by eight you knew that you’d always been destined to be loved. loved so hard they would want to taste you, bite into the soft plump of your cheek and eat you alive. that was how magnetic you wanted to feel. but mother hamsters eat their own young when penned in together too long, and soon you became too wild, too restless, another package on your father’s delivery invoice, box-shipped out to english boarding school.

fitting in had never been something you had to concern yourself with. you were always the shiny new toy the other girls wanted to play with, bright like a dropped coin from a magpie’s beak. wherever you went, you seemed to leave a trail of awe, pig-tailed harriet’s adoring you, imitating you, teachers forgiving your class-time chatter for the sake of your wild heart and the restless spirit you possessed. tell us what it’s like in the states, alma. they’d coo, enamoured by your hollywood drawl. does your father own a gun? you hardly knew. barely even knew the colour of his hair, for the scarce amount of times he’d stoop to kiss your cheek, though you’d tell silver-tongued tales if it’d guaranteed you an audience. when you learned how to smile at the right times, and that flattery would get you everywhere, it soon became apparent that charm would pave the yellow brick road to success even when your lack of drive couldn’t.

the road you followed – gum-snapping, roller-blading, friendship bands all up your arm – eventually led you to radcliffe. bright-eyed and gingham skirted, you’d always known you were more. there was a hunger in you to be something extraordinary, a want so adamant to be imagined and desired that it was almost savage. in leather-bound volumes and a circle of stones, you were helen of troy, the girl for whom they’d launch a thousand ships. but there’s so much rage within you, collecting like sawdust in cavernous parts. hockey helped. there was something grounding about the feeling of a stick clasped in your hands. sweat. stiff knuckles. feet pounding the earth. the smash of wood against flesh in the scram of a game, passed off as mere enthusiasm. “slipped, sorry.” hockey is the one thing you had that was yours alone – a feral instinct that motivates you to play; something primitive within you that sparks an energy like no other. on the pitch, you feel alive. you feel like a god.

#screeches from the rooftops like a banshee #radintro

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asillydreamer-on-a-crazyworld · 6 years ago

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OK, now that I’m normal again and my feelings are not all over the place I’m ready to talk rationally about the episode.

I’m gonna start saying that I loved it.

Annie:

I always thought that Annie ended up like the most dysfunctional adult bc Beth was there to clean up her messes. Beth, as the older sister, took Annie under her protection and I think she was way more like a mom to her rather than a sister. We all can see how every time Annie has a problem she can’t deal with, she goes to Beth. She relies on her.Beth became Annie’s safe place whenever she lost control over things in her life. I understand Beth in these situations but I also think she could have handled her sister better, let her deal with her problems rather than running to her when she called it. I always wondered if this co-dependency she has on her big sis is also one of the reasons Dean doesn’t like Annie much. I can clearly see him arguing with Beth about her always going to her sis while she has a family to take care of.

I loved that Ruby told her what Beth really was for her. How she sacrificed a lot just to be there for her little sis. I think Annie knows it too, but sometimes she is so caught up in her own problems that she takes for granted what Beth does for her. And I’m not saying that to make Annie the bad guy here. She is just human and like I said, she was not the only one responsible for the person she became.

What I loved is that later, she feels it, deep down, Ruby’s words. They were inside her head the whole time she went back home, I bet and that is why we also see her so fragile while talking to Sadie. She is finally facing her own demons bit by bit, she is afraid that she is not being a good mom, a good influence on Sadie... She is afraid because she knows her own faults as an adult and she probably feels ashamed that she can’t even afford the medicine her son needs. I understand and respect her for not wanting to ask for anybody’s money bc she wants to succeed in being a good parent to her kid once in her life.

Also. Finally, the moment when she opens her eyes about what Noah did. People call Annie stupid and naive. I think she is mostly naive. She trusts people too easy sometimes. But she is smart ( I think we can agree that she slips a lot but again, she is just human) and she quickly connected the dots in her head when Ruby asked who could have known about Boland Motors. I don’t know what she is gonna do, but I think she is gonna confront him rather than play some kind of cat/mouse game with Noah.

One thing about Noah tho:

I don’t think he is working for Rio. I’ve seen some theories about it but his reactions yesterday tells me that he was feeling guilty and worried. He likes Annie, and frankly, with her goofy, carefree nature it’s so easy to like her. If he was working secretly for Rio or was his inside man in the FBI, I don’t think there was a reason for him to feel any of those feelings. He would know they wouldn’t end up finding anything and that she and her sis would be safe. And about using her in any way or lying to her about it? I think if he is catching feelings for her as I think he is, he wouldn’t need to be so worried bc, after all, they are all working for the same guy, right? Noah would feel a bit like a d-bag but I’m pretty sure he’d feel like they could talk it out in a way.

From the synopsis for episode 12, I do think that in the end they both are gonna talk about what Noah did.

Ruby:

OMG RUBY!!! She was perfect, as always. From supporting Stan, to not let her man wallow in self-pity and also standing up for Beth, this woman again shows us how loyal she is and how far she is willing to go to help those she loves, while also thinking about how this will affect her family in the long run, but she knows there is no way out right now. She needs to keep going bc there is no other option. Stan has no job, they have bills to pay, kids to feed and with her job, Ruby can’t deal with everything financially on her own.

I just love how strong she is despite everything. I really can’t say more about Ruby in this episode bc I see Ruby as the moral compass in the show. And I can’t wait to see how She is gonna deal with the obstacles on her way bc we know they are huge and they will make her go against some of her own values here to help her hubby and her family. I’m dying to see how she handles it.

We know she is afraid and that is why she did what she did on that bus. Throwing the drugs away showed me how desperate she suddenly became and I think that it was because she thought about how Sara treated Stan after he was arrested. She panicked bc she didn’t wanna her daughter to go through that again, watching another parent being arrested in front of her friends. Imagine the humiliation for Sara? Ruby loves her kid and she knows she suffered after seeing what happened to her father. She didn’t wanna ruin her relationship with Sara too. I understand, u, boo. I got u!

I will be here rooting and suffering with her and Stan.

Beth:

ohh Beth... How beautifully complex u are.U guys know I’m biased when it comes to this woman but she had one of my favorite scenes in the episode.That scene of her in the store... GOD! What a scene. The suspense, the thrill she got for doing something wrong and the possibility of getting caught, the song while everything was happening.. slowing down and down... PERFECT. She was trying so hard being good but this dark thing inside her was awakened and demanded to be fed.

She had a taste of it, of freedom from the dormant life she lead. This is a woman who lived, breathed, for everyone else but not for herself. Beth Boland never got a chance to know who she really is, what she likes to do, what she could be. She was molded into that momma persona and I think it’s natural that she struggles between being just that and the scary possibility of finding out what, who else she can be.

If u had to start all over again, find out who else u wanted to be, wouldn’t u be afraid too? Yeah, for some ppl it can be exciting as well, but most people will feel fear also.

I think that by the last scene of her, she is feeling just like that: afraid but excited as hell.

When she laughed and said it was fun almost being caught by the feds? CHILLS literally chills !! Beth is flirting with this wild side of her that get’s excited with power and challenges.

This doesn’t make her a villain, in my opinion, just someone more complex and that is embracing this side we all have that makes us wonder: “what would be like to not care at all? For rules, for being nice and polite all the time, sometimes to ppl we hate or don’t care at all? What if I just cheat and lie to get what I want as other people do? They don’t seem to care and they are in a better place in life than me.”

I love when writers let us see how a character struggles between the lines of what we accept as morally right and what we think it’s a no-go for “good people” like us, when we know nobody is perfect or a saint.

Watching her sitting inside that car in the dark and then leaving... Her chair empty...

We saw earlier in the episode when Dean (stupid Dean) asks her if she misses it and she says “would it matter?”. He says something else about her cookies and she just smiles but then we see the smile leaving her face and I was like:

OMG GIRL. I know.. I know it hurts and it sucks.

Her breaking down? One long time thing coming. She needed that. It also shows us that she might have another breakdown soon but this time with Dean. Beth is so fed up with just being the good momma, the good person... Always doing the right thing. No more. And if Dean keeps pushing her?

Ohh I don’t wanna be him.

Beth x Rio.

ok Now, on these two. I let my shipper feels get the best of me.

SUE ME.

I have this hopeless romantic side of me that can’t help but go all in in the feels.LOL

That being said:

DO I think that what Rio said in that promo was like a marriage proposal? OF COURSE NOT. And I am sure a lot of ppl know that. It’s called shipper behavior. We all allow ourselves to be a bit silly about it.

AGAIN. SUE ME. xD

We don’t know how that scene is gonna happen and what will be really said, in addition to what we heard them say but like u, dear follower or person who sees my posts in the tag know, I do believe Rio have personal reasons and way more practical ones to want Beth working for him again.

Some say it is a punishment for the headache she probably caused him when she said she was out. However, I’d argue that it is not that good of punishment because she likes it. She likes to work with him. She likes doing it. But yeah, for a lifetime? Not what I think she has in mind or will want it in the long run in that sense, I agree that it is one but not an effective one or the best way to punish her, RIGHT NOW.

And there is a big IF in what I said bc what if she ends up wanting to do that in the long run? We don’t know what direction Beth’s character will follow in the future.

Now back to the point, yeah it looks like a punishment and I’m sure she will freak out about Boomer’s body and we still don’t know what else Rio is gonna do and their relationship right now?

A mess. An UNHEALTHY, hot mess. Because again he has all the power.

Again Rio is gonna feed on her indecision and fears and he will get what he wants from her in the end bc this man is not playing around.

That is why I don’t think he has softened. Rio is like a snake. He will surprise u and attack when u less expect him to.

He surprised her in the park. He followed her or we can say he knows her well enough now to know exactly where she is. And again Rio showed her he is one step ahead of her ( and of everyone else it seems lol).

I see a man who is a planner, a charmer, a cold killer when he needs to be, a father, a rational, logical, smart man, controlling and who loves power and who also can be an attentive, soft lover if he also wants. He is a man who knows how to read people. But the fact that he reads Beth so well? I don’t think that is because she is weak, but rather that she is too much like him in some aspects.

He respects her. No one can say the contrary.

But he won’t let her ruin things for him, so here he is making sure she doesn’t, she goes to that park and tells her the FBI is going to BM bc if she gets caught? The feds will have info on the little operation they had there!

But they were also partners so, if he lets her go down for this, he only has things to lose. Her included. Because, yeah I believe he sees her as a valuable asset.

Beth, with her efficiency, intelligence, and courage, secured herself a place in his organization, and people like her, even if a bit dangerous ( and are not all of them like that? the people he deals with on a daily basis?)? They are the kind of people born for what he does and he sure as hell won’t let her go.

And I believe he keeps pulling at the strings he has on her tighter bc he knows she is not sure of what she wants herself, but he won’t let her slip away from his fingers.

That is why I also think he is in way too deep with her. Why he let her under his skin and he is not thinking rationally, not 100%. She probably won’t use the dealership again ( for reasons - the FBI still there and Dean). I don’t know how she is gonna do it but she will go back to launder money for him and I believe he will help her with that.

DOES HE NEED TO?

NO.

She is taking too much of his time already. This woman is soo high maintenance. Too much of a headache.

However, I believe he likes it. He has fun with it. He lets her get away with too much. Oh, you all know I said that A LOT of times before.

I do believe he wants her, like hard still.

He is a man after all, who appreciates good, pretty, not too easy to get kind of things.

Beth Boland is like that. She is interesting.

Do I believe they will drive into the sunset together or that he will turn into a puppy for her?

LMAO nope.

I’m happy with how the writers are handling things for now.

The only thing I hated was how they didn’t give us the trio comedy that Rio x Ruby x Annie is. But I guess they preferred to spend more time on that scene of the FBI breaking into Boland Motors

But, yeah, I have faith in the writers and the cast bc they gave us a lot already and if they could make an episode look great even when heavy spoilers were published, oh just imagine what else they can give us.

I think we’ve been well fed compared to other shows ( I said that already but whatever. I still believe we are!)

Balance is not easy to manage and hell, I’m happy I’m not a writer bc damn, it is not easy to keep everyone in a fandom happy.

( there is no way u can feed everyone, not all the time, right?)

sorry that this became such a monster of a post xD

#nbc good girls #beth x rio #ruby hill #annie marks #beth boland #omg look an essay #LOL

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loxxxlay · 6 years ago

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In your BOH series, is there any quirky habit the brothers have that they forget is not a normal thing to do? Something that even made their friends scratch their heads and squint their eyes. Not the abuse that’s too easy, lol. Something a bit more subtle.

Hey, same anon. I just meant that the sex is an obvious weird habit.😂 I was just wondering about maybe some non-sexual habits. But I guess you can add on to that question and talk about the intimacy because I do think that’s interesting to talk about.

I did mostly non-sexual habits, but I also threw in some sexual ones because I am a depraved demon. XD Also, I focused mostly on post-BoH because a lot of these behaviors don’t really start showing til they’re back on talking terms.

In general, I think a lot of Loki’s habits remain the same? He’s been through the wringer in terms of abuse (this is a pro-thanos-tortured-loki blog after all XD), but he’s definitely gained some new ones! As for thor, whose only real trauma until now has been the loss of his family, he’s had a lot more to lose and therefore a lot more quirky habits to gain. XD

but anyway here’s some stuff they do together or in relation to each other

they stick to each other like glue. Esp directly post-BoH, you will rarely see one without the other because they’ve been so emotionally co-dependent on each other. It’s definitely annoying at first for thor’s friends because they can never see him one-on-one anymore? but they accept it because thor seems to be a lot more relaxed when Loki is present. (which I’m sure .. is not a situation Loki enjoys finding himself in again. but thor is a lot more aggressively defensive of Loki now… like his friends are the third wheel… so it’s okay.)

Loki is hyperaware of thor’s presence at all times XD When somebody asks where thor is randomly, Loki will immediately have a location and the activity thor is doing, no matter what. if they’re in the same room, he’ll constantly be looking&checking for thor’s location too. Both of which are kinda creepy to people who don’t understand why. On the flip side, thor doesn’t always know where Loki is because during trauma sometimes it was easier for him not to know… But when somebody asks him directly , he’ll feel an irrational amount of guilt for not being able to answer. :(

If they’re together, thor’ll often seek Loki’s approval/permission to do things–like talking to people or going off alone with people or pretty much anything. It’s subtle (like, thor will glance at Loki before agreeing to anything, and Loki will give a quick nod without thinking to reassure him), but it’s noticeable and def gets the other avengers worried about what’s going on. When thor is without Loki, he’ll deeply struggle with decision-making. this goes for food/drink too. And like, Loki is unlikely to touch anything that wasn’t prepared by him, but thor will, as long as Loki gives his approval (which Loki does, because he can recognize his fears are irrational when applying them to thor… also he wants thor to eat dammit). thor, much to his own chagrin, does not have the same sway in getting Loki to eat though >.>

if the two have been apart for a while, when they see each other, they’ll immediately check each other for any injuries. Loki will sidle up to thor, saying “how are you?” casually, whilst he checks the undersides of thor’s wrists. thor himself will give loki a quick bodily scan as he responds. and u can imagine everyone is always like wtf lol, but the bros don’t even think about it.

for movie nights, romance scenes are a Hard No. if there’s a kiss scene that lasts longer than 1 second, they’ll either get an instant boner or be exaggeratedly repulsed (loki usually the former, thor usually the latter). once the avengers know about Certain Things, they quickly accommodate this by having a designated “Movie Screener” every week who can keep track of the time stamps for triggering scenes :D

they both absolutely *hate* loud party-like music. if they’re in a situation where it’s unavoidable - loki will be a rising crescendo of anxiety (talking faster and faster, trembling more and more, just overall panicking, which expresses itself in a heightened irritability). He probably gets to the point of almost fainting until he can slip away. thor, on the other hand, just shuts off. Immediately. His face goes slack and he stops speaking or doing anything really, and it takes a while for him to be coaxed out of it, even once he’s removed from the situation

and a sexual one: sometimes they both straight up accidentally kiss instead of hug. in front of everyone. they never mean to. which doesn’t seem like a big deal post-BoH, but first of all - the avengers don’t know they’re fucking so this is Super Weird lol. and second of all, the bros are both super triggered by PDA. So after kissing in front of ppl, they’ll freak out, probably put a shit ton of distance (if not walls) between them… which…. is frankly even weirder to the Avengers lol. like, okay incestuous kissing, weird, but maybe it can be rationalized as a silly Asgardian custom… at least until Loki is all but sprinting out the door and thor is puking into a stray vase lol

And then here we have some more individual habitsss (and maybe ones that are a little less subtle and a little more sexual):

thor becomes way less physically affectionate. less hugs, less pats on the back, less of all touching. :( he often will go stiff or shy away when other ppl touch him now too

loki was already like ^^^, but now, often when he’s comfortable, off-guard, or maybe intoxicated, he’ll become almost inappropriately sexual (and not only with thor, with anyone). mostly he’ll be verbally flirtatious, but his hugs and shoulder pats will sometimes come with sexual caresses lol #yikes

thor stops drinking. he’ll binge-drink some nights if something triggering has happened, but social drink is a no. when it’s bad, he doesn’t even like to be around other people who are drinking (unless it’s Loki)

Loki will take constant, constant baths. Like bathing 2+ times a day. He feels he needs to scrub the ick off himself. Which is very cliche, but it’s what he does okay so there.

and i already have talked about this, but thor requires constant social interaction. he always wants to be around people (mainly his friends; he might be a little shyer of strangers than usual) at all times. whereas Loki 100% isolates himself when thor is busy. He’ll allow a couple of close friends (i.e. Val) to spend time with him but only every 3-5 business days and they have to initiate. XD

Anyway that’s probably not all I got but that’s all I feel is acceptable to say in one post lmao. thank you so so so much for the ask, this was SO MUCH FUN oh my god. Weird Quirky Habits Spawned From trauma are MY FAVORItE tHING EVER like i’m not even joking. Every time i write a fic about noncon, my brain instantly goes to “yeah but what does it make them do” so this was a great opportunity to be self-indulgent. thank you XD

#grandthorki #thorki #thor #loki #grandthorki insp #(which means yall can steal any or all of these ideas and i will love you forever)#marvel #grandthorki for ts #cw noncon #cw dubcon #meta #brothers of habit #anon #lox replies

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princettegil · 6 years ago

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There's been something I've been meaning to talk about for a while now but it recently came to a head about a week ago and I've came to realize that the medical field is probably one of the most uncaring amd worst places to work for someone with mental illness! You'd think the medical field would understand, right? Nope! Out of all the jobs I've had, none have been this bad at working with me or helping with my issues. I won't go into detail about what happened but I haven't had much in the way of anxiety attacks in the last couple years (cept for a couple incidents.) All in all, I've been doing stunningly better! However, when I have a job I tend to have a lot more anxiety issues (no matter what the job is, it just seems to happen.) So I've had about 3-4 attacks since I started work at the beginning of this year at a hospital (working one of the lowest rungs that still deals with patient care.) But that's to be expected; I figured that would happen since it almost always does, but I was intent on trying to sticking it out this time. Now, I don't like pity - let's just get that clear right now. I don't like pity, I don't like bothering people, I try my best to at least be as good as my peers at my job and I absolutely abhor bothering people with my issues (be that mental illness stuff or standard job difficulties.) Basically, I try to hold my own as best I can and I don't like to mention my mental health issues unless it's clear they're absolutely becoming an problem. Well, first (technically 2nd but the real first was a very small and not full blown attack) anxiety? A nurse happened to be in the room with me and took me to the main office where they let me chill a little and transferred me to work with a less trying patient. That's good! That seems reasonable yeah? Though what they did I agree was a good move, the way the nurse (an RN mind you) acted towards me was... odd. You'd expect a nurse to be well trained with things like anxiety or panic attacks and know both how to help out and seem considerate, right? Well... you'd be very wrong! Though she wasn't mean she didn't seem to understand at all what was happening to me even after I told her I was having an anxiety attack. She clearly didn't know much in the way of how to help me calm down or even deal with me at all working on her floor. But whatever, maybe she was tired? Nurses work their asses off after all! Maybe she just wasn't well trained with anxiety issues? It could happen. I gave her a pass in my mind but noted how it was strange for her to be so seemingly uncomfortable with a simple anxiety attack, especially one of a coworker. My 2nd anxiety attack went mostly unnoticed and I dealt with it the way I normally do. Took a break to go to the bathroom and try to chill out, stayed there a bit longer than my break actually allows but made sure I was okay before going back to the patient's room to continue my shift as normal. At the end though I made sure to inform my supervisor that I could no longer work with said patient because he was behind my prior anxiety attack as well. They didn't really agree but that didn't disagree with me either that they'd make sure I didn't have to work with him again. Then the 3rd anxiety attack. The big one. The awful one. The one that really forced my realization. Like I said, I won't go into detail on what happened. Lots of things happened that night all at once and some caused serious issues but are unrelated to the topic of the hospital's treatment of anxiety attacks. But the stunning thing I did realize was just how non-understanding and non-accomodating my supervisors (years long medical workers, especially in nursing fields) could be. At one of my last jobs, though they ran everyone to the brink of exhaustion and stress (causing many people to quit around the same time, including myself) they at least we're kind when they realized I had anxiety issues. It didn't actually work out the way they promised but they were willing to work with me and make simple accommodations to help me out (like working in the back when the store got really busy.) They were also very understanding and assuring even though I was terrified that they found out. At another job, though I didn't stay long last the first month's training classes, they were also understanding and my trainer took the time to explain how she understood what anxiety was like and gave me plenty of time and space to calm myself down (we got along so well I even friended her on FB after I quit and she's still really nice to me.) Basically, my other jobs were understanding. They didn't pity me (thank gods!) but they were open, supportive, understanding, accomodating and those coworkers who had been through similar really helped commiserate with me which helped me feel more comfortable knowing I wasn't alone. The hospital I work at now? None of the above! They weren't mean mind you, they technically said just enough to make it so that I probably couldn't sue them for treating me differently due to my mental disabilities (I have no intention to) but it really did seem like they wanted to put in the bare minimum of care to make sure that didn't happen. Did they tell me how they understood that anxiety was difficult to deal with? No. Did they try understandingy issues? No. Did they ask or try to accommodate me (like helping me to find a more suitable job there or letting me know I could ask to switch patients if things got hard? No. Did they seem any bit empathetic or even sympathetic? No. They gave me time to calm down (though they seemed pretty ansy for me to hurry up and breath so I could talk or rather, listen to them.) They said they were worried a couple times (while seemingly sounding and looking like they didn't give a single shit and were simply required to say it.) Did they at all mention anxiety is a disability or offer any tips for dealing with it? Nope! Instead they told me, in only slightly prettier words, to suck it up, deal with it on my own, don't cause problems, and that it's only gonna get worse from here. Not exactly kind or what you'd expect from medical personnel huh? In fact, that's my main concern - it was MEDICAL PERSONNEL! I could see this with grocery store staff or call center supervisors and probably write it off as just being ill informed or more caring about the cash and not the employees. But... trained, licensed, careered RNs and nursing staff!?!? Staff that I KNOW have had to deal with and care for mentally ill patients of all sorts? Staff that likely occasionally have to help out in the adjoining psychiatric center!? People whose job is literally to care for other people!? This is what disturbs me! This is what concerns me! If they treat a fellow employee like this then how do they treat the actual patients with problems!? Look, I know nurses don't have it easy! I have both family and friends who are CNAs and RNs and I know some of the shit they go through and how stressful it is. Especially since starting a hospital job and seeing stuff firsthand, I have MAJOR respect for those that can do such jobs! You guys have to have balls of steel! No... platinum! Dear gods the shit you ppl go through! I can easily see why you'd be frustrated especially with a coworker who can't handle the shit you deal with daily! I get it. I can see why you'd snap at patients and even eventually experience burn out and stop giving a shit in general. Hell, I wouldn't blame you one damn bit! But I would hope most of that would be split decisions, heat of the moment type stuff. Not when you've had almost an hour to absorb what's happened and had plenty of time to think through what to do or how to act. If you treat your co-workers like this, how would someone expect you to treat your patients? Not one of the 6 jobs that I've had treated my anxiety issues THIS BADLY! I'm talking data entry places, places with tiny cubicles, telarmarketing places, call centers, grocery stores, RETAIL stores! If nothing else I'd expect at least understanding from medical field workers! My supervisors, even a few of my coworkers - did not only not seem to understand but didn't even care! I was told by one to pretty much man up or quit! And some of these people, I KNOW have either personally dealt with mental health issues themselves or know someone close who has. Even if you know the job is tough, even if you know it may get worse, even if you've personally dealt with worse - you can't even say something as easy as "yeah man, this shits hard, I get it."? If I ever mentioned how hard my night was, my coworkers in the group chat didn't even care enough to respond. I mean, I'm sure you've had hard nights too! Let's talk about it! Let's commiserate and complain together! There's over I of us on this shift and I know you all have gone through shit, let's let off a little steam about it! There's gotta be at least one of you who'd love to rant it out! I find when you complain together about a tough job it makes you feel better knowing there's others in the same situation. Just knowing you're not alone can help a lot! Heck, answering every question you know the answer to with "just call the supervisors" cause you can't take 2 mins to say something like "click the x button on the menu" to help a coworker is a bit extreme isn't it? That last anxiety attack I had suicidal thoughts for a short bit in the midst of the worst part. I asked my supervisors for any advice they might have (hoping they might share some of their 20+ years of health field knowledge) they ignored my question and sent me straight to the ER even though I told them I was fine now. I can see the reaction for legal reasons but they didn't seem worried about me personally but how it may affect my job. They refused to listen to me. I went to the ER. Sat there, had blood work done and answered a few questions about how I was feeling and they let me leave. Why? Because they had determined I was fine and no threat to myself or others, just like I had told my supervisors. They never did give me advice. But they did screenshot my phone to show HR. So no, I don't want pity and I don't want people to get super worried about me but I'm always worrying that I'll be fired because of my anxiety attacks and the least a supervisor or coworker could do is tell me they understand it's tough (the job or the anxiety) or give me helpful tips or listen to me or ask how they could help. But being ignored, told to man up, told to quit, treated like I was just a legal risk and quickly unloading me onto anyone else they could - that's not how you treat someone! Someone with anxiety, depression, mental illness, learning disabilities, young people, old people - ANY PEOPLE! And what's worse is you are MEDICAL STAFF! You should KNOW about this stuff. You should KNOW how to handle it! You should KNOW to at least act like you care! You should KNOW how to comfort or calm someone or make them feel comfortable and not just like a legal risk or a bother that you don't want to deal with! HOW TF DO PATIENTS FEEL ABOUT THIS KIND OF TREATMENT!? My managers are always complaining about inspections and how the hospital is rated by patients and why and how to improve our scores. Well, as someone who's been an employee and now a patient too, lemme tell you your main patient displeasure issue - YOUR ATTITUDE! I thought before that some patients were just asking too much of the staff but now I know that they were right. But it's not about getting your apple juice quicker it's about being treated like you're either just a giant thorn in their side or a pit of money! Maybe next time I won't ignore that survery phone call.

#Personal #srry everyone I needed to rant!#I rly do know nurses work their asses off and patients are super greedy #I know ur tired and stay stressed #I applaud those of u who do this kind of work and put up with all this shit but #even if u don't think someone has the balls for the job #doesntewm u should be an ass about it #no one deserves that and treating someone with mental illness like that is even worse #I mean tech I do have a disability tho I don't like calling it that #bit is this how you'd treat someone who was blind or paralyzed?#Is this how you'd treat a normal coworker or employee?#Haven't u ever heard of being nice? U can still tell the truth but u don't gotta be an ass about it #it's not like I'm cursing u out or angry or anything #so there's no reason to treat me like a useless turd thorn #just say things nicely add in an 'i understand' here or there #at best u can try to follow the actual law and make accommodations when possible #instead of veiling ur threats of unemployment with faked worry so u won't be sued #I'm not gonna sue u! I probably won't even turn u in for wanting to fire someone cause of disability but rewording it as something else!#I just want to be treated with some gotdamn respect and care fuck!#Take a goddamn 30 min YouTube class about anxiety disorders or something!#It ain't hard to Google! Fuck

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the-firebird69 · 3 years ago

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they hassle him non stop itches and pinches sickness and more and tons of berading talking smelling threats and attempts to harm him. tonight will be different you losers will feel pain now and lots of it when you try picking up the phone like the addicts you and we wont go through it again. you wont get any inventions and you wont get our engineering we pull it all. drain you all to death in doing it. meaning forg want it and will are pursuing you for it now. are at your door banging loudly, and will kill you for it..we are in forg garb too. get it. we shoot you for them they get in fights we do it now. on purpose....ok he had yoru women say it to you they knew hate you as they should. are tough adn mean but hey you are much much meaner and stupider. lousy people lame friends if that is what you call it and you suck so badly for calling us ok the idiot with the restaraunt name we crucify you along with a few trillion others. no...octillion....and we set it up you go there you are up on the cross immediatly..talking...we hear it all confessions and more...are at it need it ok. and they call and we see who. now you notice after piles and piles of you die a night...we pile you up too your so dambed stupid...fn fags. Thor Freya you know what your problem is s...what they say..thats yoru problem you have to ask. now it is evident you are lame here and the motif is too ruggid...grinds you down, you use a matrix all do and slices you up. your cheap mean senile pukes as planned and die smiling about it. lose your intel and hardware, and troops and cloning, your personal lives too. you did all this sold the beans and cow..and so on...and dont notice...have to ask. are told forget. so what...we do taht. exactly. your free to die. and that is how. pitiful deaths. so shut up go away and crawl off pitiful wretches here you inane and die. i mean really how embarrassing do youu think it is...they see you converse no, spit blab harrass croak in all the wierdest ways and see your weak...forg take you..so you want to ramble now ok get it rolling do so we take you to the holes local ones so we can get him up and Thor says it was said nicely... Zues Hera it is what it is and that..your horses asses on purpose and have no idea the danger or results or immpmlications none. we know. and you are a loser there...tons dont get it you blab to make sure. how aweful for you and them. to die like this at his hands. and ours..withe ease by the way...he makes it look so easy tons of forgieners do it and find your willing to die. nice touch. too adding you in the mix no. your a total fool. and your idiots pipe up knowing full well they croak hoping to injure him..so he is then injured. we do nothing for you still. and you fall again immediatly. and ask in ridiculous ways. a re p ushovers we push you over. and yeh we can talk and talk and aare not you doesnt affect us like you...the sound attracts killers to you and machines monsters and they destroy you. but your too busy having fun making faces in a camera like a three year old child....mostly girls. your so eradtic mean hostile immediatly. you lack the understanding here in fl. most of you. Thor Freya right on the money. it is true most cant see it and blab and torture each other and into violence or poisonings and most are losers here are under the influence of methane and other. it is hell they are so bleak and lame and senile and stark. this fn blows this state. and the people fall fast too hours here and off ranting...he seems immune.truly does is not a ranter yes. but has a bit no. and he is serious he is arguing with real ppl. you idiots put your point out over and over and over and over to nobody to find you hunched over your computer in the am dead or asleep or exhausted and nurse yourselves to life for a day..and do it again. lame. useless. mean. hostile. and yeh it is not rpoducing squat. mac is angry there it is and you all balk he said it and there is his grandaddy ashortly need it..and balk. he will kill us prob your useless...they say no we work..so get off him..now. leave him bee he only sits. no. we need it now....so we hit now mac says true too these are all greedy shits and the lot and bja and others shitheads too so dumb. mean arrogant lame. so tell me off you shit we hit you your a loser. and your father says it you fn scum your ruined it the one who was supposed to help you ccould not produce one chopper and had it...i saw his eyes oh that is cool...then plop. no movement for weeks no sales no investors. no fun nor entertainment only brooding. so he says you stoppe him and he says yup. and he will yammer all night and die. so what you are a fool. you stopped you and no you cant couldnt and he knows it blocks. the german tape co. price point but blocked a s they could have sold cheaper and didnt. machines you see do it in germany and i knew and then this..w.e cant let you mac said. horrible mac says and the bugs are atrocious attack and attack and attack. just like our whooses. attack and attack and tons of it shpping nd working and it is so lame and bad forg trashed the north adn midwest and south adn weset. east gone shortly..your out you fags. out. i demand it qe and pick me up mac and macs i will be in the ocean tonight or shortly within days...jons house he presets says he doenst know he does. told us tons and you dont get it. ratted you out on tons of stuff and nuances due to your inflammatory attitude. and she is horrendous inlfuences him to f up his own stuff. easily. he is a failure. this is nonsene keeping them around, this is it im fed up he is so stupid he rants about him..and youi are influencing him to you shit. and not forg. he says so we use forg stuff. not for long we are there kicking you out they are too you braggot dead bitch. you are in the middle as caa pointed out and die fast. and have tech and data and intel we need back badly. we intercept you craft you idiot using his channel..your a liar. qe happy weith yourself you got me in trouble,,,adn for years. cork your a frggin moron tell me to get you in trouble to blame me your technique and tons know. trump and others rat on you you wont shut up stop or do anything that is rational. and you started in on me to harm me with your you go in the garden...and you go in the museum and your von hagen every single day you still announce it billium send in reports says how many times. then you try stuff, are huge pigs and are monitored. your not allowed to harm me as you are. you try you die you overstuffed imbicile...he means you are puffed up and mean so we hit you....and you are not to contact him ever nor lot or any of you. r estrtaining orders are on you all your within 100 feet in or out of the house you are down and out. all of you die tonight by the way we dont allow you back to earth your a dunce ok. Thor states and Freya issues orders...we need bigger teams yes...she says and sends. i request we flatten three major areas of cork, take them seup bases and Thor says ten...we divvy now and prep to bomb shorlty we shall...and it goes now....we also hit the entire upper mid west and in corks name too....we present most of the crosses are him...take them down he orders no affect lets make haste...we shall...and ther eis none...toss them all into holes seek out all cloning...and birthing and we did all the quetioning and they thought they would be freed we hit in fl and elsewhere using it and he is happy. yes bja rememered your idiotic questino. happy you will die as he has tried to kill you for many years..has been successul tons of times.. of course happy idiot. Zues Hera we launch a full blown program now against cork and use it all. this is nonsense he does and on purpose to distract us we use it on him. Freya we use it too his inane comments and messing with him with bugs...tons say it off turn off the compouter nah Thor macs mimic try to use it and try too hard. as do others...it is easy ok to see why. Zues we use it ok mimic those copying the orders using them on you and your assholes cork your a friggin asshole...we shoot you at each meetup ok your a faggot and wont shut up. Hera we see your guts as we enter and exit. we hate you cork you fup so often adn to no gain. your a shit too. we fire you now mac daddy how lame of an answwer bja how lame of an act you ddi not conceal a thing so why hsould i ever react differently i have to defend myself and do wihtout hesitation, as you revealed yourself so many times adn are so frigin lame at your job Zues oh bja yeh oh little shit Zues go to hell cork now. i command it all those in my service you are to follow this order Thor and Freya Hera and Olympus shall enter....grab them all you see them grab them....and they send it now. out. stuff them in holes let us raise our Armies not our tempers....it is fruitless work cork wants and does not much affect but he is a miscreant and terrorist raises them trains them and lets hit his training camps..now Zues Hera anyohter comment corks you want more. Hera nah we get it we are out cork oh you get it snide asshole. you shall Hera you shall yes. we invade Savage Oppress says you blabbed macs plan and yours.

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comicteaparty · 7 years ago

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May 25th, 2017 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on May 25th, 2017, from 5PM - 7PM PST. The chat focused on There’s No Such Thing as Jason - I.T. by Phenylketonurics.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

Good day everyone~! This week’s Comic Tea Party is now officially beginning. This week we are discussing There’s No Such Thing as Jason - I.T. by Phenylketonurics ~! (https://tapas.io/series/Theres-No-Such-Thing-as-Jason----IT) As CTP is brand-new, please allow me a brief moment to elaborate how the chats are formatted a bit in more detail than I will do for other chats (i.e. prepare for wall of text). The discussions are mostly meant to be freeform, so you can bring up whatever topic you would like about the comic. That being said, in order to help foster discussion, every 30 minutes I’m going to drop in a question. These questions are TOTALLY OPTIONAL, so if you have no interest in answering them, that is perfectly fine; you are welcome to ignore the questions completely. It’s simply going to be there to help those who need a bit of prompting to get into the discussion. As I’ve mentioned in other places, constructive criticism is allowed, please just be sure to be respectful towards the work. Keep in mind you’re also not obligated to give criticism. The goal of these chats is to have fun, talk about comics, and grow as a community. So please discuss what you wish. Since this is the first chat, I also want to mention this chat is free to drop-in and drop-out. If you can’t stay the full two hours, then that’s perfectly fine. Stay as long as you would like~! Tl;dr: Freeform discussions, but OPTIONAL questions will be dropped in every 30 mins. Ignore if it pleases you and have fun.

With that said, let us begin with this first question~!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

DracoPlato

1. The scene where the antenna was coming out of Dim really stuck with me visually as well as from a shock value so that's probably my favorite atm.

RebelVampire

ah yeah that was a really standout scene. with a lot of wtf value.

AngelicEmpyress

Oh my gosh favorite scene

that's a tough one

i think the scene where we first see view and jason as two different people

that was a big what wut? to me

loads of wth value XD

DracoPlato

definitely!

RebelVampire

haha for me i sadly dont remember that scene as well. not cause it wasnt powerful but because my mind was already blown and swirling with what exactly is going on with jason's identiy stuff

AngelicEmpyress

lol i STILL don't know what's going on and i read it twice XD

DracoPlato

hmmm like did sten create a game and is somehow merging it with the "real" world

AngelicEmpyress

oh and i loved the scene when jason is outside and suddenly puts his hood on and his eyes go red and hes like "im not jason"

RebelVampire

ah yeah that was a really great image

i really liked the color contrasts in it

DracoPlato

oh Pheny's art is gorgeous, so many scenes stick with me because of the lighting and colors and panel layouts they use

AngelicEmpyress

yes!

the hair

all the hair

RebelVampire

picking a favorite scene is hard. i think im going to go with the flashback scene of where jason and dim meet. mostly cause i think jason is adorable and i think it gives better insight into what his original personality is.

DracoPlato

haha young jason is adorable

AngelicEmpyress

lol lil jason doesn't seem too different from now jason in so many ways

DracoPlato

i like his iced tip hair reminiscent of the 90s

AngelicEmpyress

Lol

DracoPlato

Pheeeeeny~!!

Phenylketonurics

YO! Oh, it's so exciting to see what some of the favourite scenes are, rock on! ICED TIP HAIR YES!!

AngelicEmpyress

hey there!

DracoPlato

My bro totally had that look going on when he was a teen, lol

AngelicEmpyress

Hahaha

Phenylketonurics

Hello hello~!! THANK YOU so much for being here, aa~

RebelVampire

glad you could make it~!

AngelicEmpyress

oh mah goodness your art is so awesome

Phenylketonurics

And yeah, the whole split in seeing Jason versus View, establishing that these are indeed two different "people" is one of my favourite scenes in the comic as well (I'm so happy for the kind words, wow, mega gobs of gratitude!)

THANK YOU EMPYRESS!!

AngelicEmpyress

and the story is a real page turner especially since thrillers are a genre i normally dont touch with a 10 ft pole

Phenylketonurics

Oh wow, that is a huge compliment then, dang! I'll admit, thrillers are also something I'm weary of -- they're tricky to follow!

DracoPlato

true! It's not usually my genre of choice either, but I just love how thought provoking Jason is

AngelicEmpyress

but i like the 'try to put the pieces together youself'

DracoPlato

yeah!

It's more thought provoking than any other comic i've read

AngelicEmpyress

though i will say this...in your descriptions, when you say "this connects to such and such page" it would be better if you say the episode... since you can't track the actual pages easy in tapas

Phenylketonurics

YES!! Oh man, I hoped so hardcore that it could be approached with the reader's perspective, the reader's ideas in highlight -- THAT is the key to figuring things out.

AngelicEmpyress

so i had a tough time maneuvering back and forth

DracoPlato

oh that's a good point AE!

cosmographia

hey hey hi sorry here I am!! :D/

AngelicEmpyress

hi there!

DracoPlato

Hiiii Cosmo~!!

Phenylketonurics

!!! AE YES! That would be way better, thank you so much. YO COSMO!!

cosmographia

EY!!

Phenylketonurics

Stoked to see you here, aa~!!

cosmographia

Stoked to BE here, so glad people have received it so well!! (cuz I agree with all of this, the comic is phenomenal!)

AngelicEmpyress

also...i feel jason's pain with that noise... i have mesophonia so it would probably drive me completely insane XD

Phenylketonurics

SO MUCH KINDNESS from killer rad creators, wow, I'm on high for the rest of the year, man. Mesophonia is something I am fascinated with, wow, no one talks about that!! RAD.

AngelicEmpyress

really?

no one i met had ever heard of it XD

RebelVampire

ah yeah i empathize with jason's pain noise as well. mostly because my ears are sensitive to cpu hums because ever since i got sick one time, ive been able to pick up the frequency of when its switching to different activity states and it took me like weeks at first to block out the annoyance of it and it drove me quite bananas. could barely even sleep.

AngelicEmpyress

i can hear that too Rebel

DracoPlato

oh wow

cosmographia

oh wow

AngelicEmpyress

least jason handles it better than me XD

Phenylketonurics

The effects of one's sensitivity to the frequencies of such auditory signals is definitely something Jason's dealing with, oh man, this is MAJORLY awesome you know about it firsthand.

cosmographia

yea I've had experiences like that too there's this weird white noise that comes from this one supermarket here and I've asked my family if they hear it and they've said they haven't. And it HURTS. I HATE going to that store hahah <"D

AngelicEmpyress

the ones that are key to me send me into ultimate rage and I cant concentrate on ANYTHING

cosmographia

oh! 80

AngelicEmpyress

i have to wear headphones all day at work because of it

RebelVampire

jason is handling it better than me too. for a week i wore my mom's insulated headphone things that ppl wear when theyre doing loud hardware stuff.

Phenylketonurics

Right, exactly! It's a very physical experience even if it's invisible -- Jason's just starting to re-experience the auditory assault. In one flashback, we see it causes him pretty severe headaches. ;o;

(it in conjunction with the whole video game programme test, aah(

cosmographia

-nod nod-

ngl for like...a LONG time I kept denying that all of this was actually happening (in the comic I mean hahaha)

Phenylketonurics

BUT YES, the whole idea behind Jason as it started was that I wanted people to bring their personal experiences with anomalies and troubled memories forward, inject them side-by-side with Jason's experience.

cosmographia

it wasn't till the recent updates I started taking the experiences more seriously, or more like...ACTUALLY happening, I thought they were psychological projections

now i'm like "WHAT" (with the most recent updates from last month to now)

Phenylketonurics

SEE!! yeah, I really hoped it would migrate from being psychological as in "not happening" to psychological and "VERY MUCH HAPPENING"

AngelicEmpyress

oh i like how Dim and Day look visually different in the past vs the present...i love that detail

RebelVampire

ah its a few mins early but this is a good time to drop in the next question XDXD

QUESTION 2. The comic deals with a lot of themes of perception, perspective, psychology and more. In other words, things aren’t quite what they seem. What in the story are you sure is “real” and what are you sure isn’t “real?” Is there anyone you trust in the story for an objective viewpoint into the events?

Phenylketonurics

oh cool cool, AE, I'm so happy to hear that, thank you!!!

cosmographia

YEP it was a punch to the face (metaphorical and in this case welcoming )

Itrustnoone.

AngelicEmpyress

omg...

i have no idea what is real or not yet XD

i still dont know what the heck is going on XDDDD

cosmographia

Phen keeps pulling the rug from the reader's feet

Phenylketonurics

Hahah! There's A LOT in the air right now, too, haha^^

That rug just tosses everything around!

cosmographia

in a GOOD way mind you!

it's like "-snap fingers- Ya got me again hahahahawhatishappening"

OH YEA def!

AngelicEmpyress

im sure that jason has feelings for Day... i think >.> then again even that is questionable at times

RebelVampire

i feel like the comic could have the assassins creed slogan underneath. about how nothing is true, everything is permitted.

AngelicEmpyress

Lol

cosmographia

seems to me like a co-dependency relationship as in any feelings are just a need for validation turned into romantic attraction

AngelicEmpyress

ah i can see that

Phenylketonurics

AE -- YOU ZOOMED RIGHT IN on a really big part of interplay that feeds on Jason -- View is mixed in definitely but like Cosmo said, co-dependency is an element to how this thing manifests.

Superjustinbros

WHOAH THE MAN HIMSELF APPEARED!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

cosmographia

:U!

AngelicEmpyress

lol super

Superjustinbros

HEY PHENY!!!

:DDDD

AngelicEmpyress

i know...we are in the presence of The MAN! XD

Superjustinbros

Sorry if I'm a bit late ^^;;

cosmographia

that being said, even if the situation is so out there, the characters are SO belivable and their reasoning/actions to how this is happening is relatable and understandable

RebelVampire

i feel like the entire comics begs the question of our definition of reality. like, even if these things are happening in Jason's head, are they any less real than things other ppl experience subjectively

Superjustinbros

I agree with that so hard

The characters of this story are written so well

cosmographia

yep!

DracoPlato

yeah i feel that too

Superjustinbros

Plus with the timeskips and flashbacks changing how they look as mentioned before(edited)

And I really feel like I can connect with Jason on a spiritual level of sorts

since me and him actually have quite a bit it common, especially with how lifelike the story gets

Like, without some of the heavier sci-fi elements like the antennas, I'd say this could all very well happen IRL

but if it did happen I wouldn't want an antenna on my head zapping me while I'm trying to do stuff

AngelicEmpyress

lol

zaps super =p

Superjustinbros

is zapped

cosmographia

yea I can definitely see how it's relatable in such a way

this one scene of Jason desperately trying to get an answer out of Dim (sorry forgot the page number) hit way too close to home haha

Superjustinbros

And it's super rare for me to treat a fictional character as someone like myself

So that alone is quite an accomplishment

AngelicEmpyress

wow yeah

cosmographia

damn! Yea

Phenylketonurics

(sorry sorry, wifi I'm using is a nightmare since I'm in a weird area, aaa! VIEW GO AWAY)

Superjustinbros

GET OUT VIEW

AngelicEmpyress

lol!

Superjustinbros

DON'T VIEW THE VIEW

DracoPlato

gdi View

SirDelta God King of Mecha

oh crap i missed the beginig, sorry whats going on

AngelicEmpyress

lol

gah i love that hair

and so much emotion in the eyes

even for just circles

DracoPlato

pheny's art is amaaaaazing~!

so much love

AngelicEmpyress

yus!

SirDelta God King of Mecha

i admit, not too big a fan of the red hair

Superjustinbros

He looks like such a goof too when he's not trying to plot something sinister

AngelicEmpyress

LOL

DracoPlato

don't trust him, he's evil

Superjustinbros

I even got sharp fangs like him

SirDelta God King of Mecha

but isn't he always sinister

Phenylketonurics

EXCELLENTE!! I'm extremely excited to hear that the characters are believable, too! Even if red hair is not a good thing, hahah^^

Superjustinbros

lol

brb never trusting my characters with red hair ever

RebelVampire

delta why you gotta hate the red?

AngelicEmpyress

red is my favorite color

SirDelta God King of Mecha

its not thats its a bad thing, i just don't like the style and color combo gonig on there(edited)

Phenylketonurics

The play on reality of being like... this question in and of itself is another slant that I DEEPLY enjoy seeing people's take on. Yeah, View's hair is something of Jason's past -- he doesn't like it either!

Superjustinbros

lol

So many possible ideas for what would happen

Phenylketonurics

Exactly!

Superjustinbros

if Jason and View started having a serious conversation between each other

RebelVampire

i think i like young jason's hair the best. so spunky yet so cute. i think compared to his older self theres something that capture youthful naivete

DracoPlato

I like the black hair best but I like all the varities

Phenylketonurics

Rebel has it right on, aa!!! I'm just over the moon that you can read that characters' milestone ages so well, thank you!!

Phenylketonurics

Hair itself has a history of being a strong definition of one's identity (culturally speaking)... so I definitely take that into consideration with Jason! He's constantly messing with his hair!

Superjustinbros

cosmographia

nice!

SirDelta God King of Mecha

i see i see

Superjustinbros

That sounded more funny to me than it should've been

DracoPlato

to represent his ever changing self

Phenylketonurics

Yes! Either in denial of events or possibly even as an affirmation, to distance oneself from things that have happened.

Superjustinbros

That's cool~

Phenylketonurics

A LOT of physical cues like... eyes, hands and adornments thereof have roots in the "magic" of the body. It's all a little superstitious, hah^^

Superjustinbros

I like that! It's a great attention to detail~

Phenylketonurics

Thank you, aa!! I'm really glad to hear that you've been able to pick up on these things yourself, though, THAT is like... half my work done, haha^^

Superjustinbros

You're welcome! Don't think I've ever seen a story that has ever done that to such a great extend personally.

AngelicEmpyress

oh....hand....that little whatcha macallit

ffff

keychain?

Phenylketonurics

YES!

The keyring Dim has!

WELL... rings in general (abstracted in Jason's perspective as a goal in the game programme but it goes back to a literal silver ring, one that is held in hands~)

Phenylketonurics

eheheh^^

Superjustinbros

Realy this is all such a deep lore you got going on!

I love it.

And lots of attentions to keep an eye out on

SirDelta God King of Mecha

this is going eva levels of deep

Phenylketonurics

It's been 10+ years in writing, I really gotta make sure not to get excessive with it, yeah? X]

cosmographia

DAMN

Superjustinbros

Phenylketonurics

I started it when I was 19!! I AM 31 NOW WHAT THE HECK

cosmographia

how much has the story changed since the initial idea? :0

AngelicEmpyress

lol i thought you were younger than that lol

Superjustinbros

LOL

DracoPlato

oh hey we're around the same age

AngelicEmpyress

Yup

Superjustinbros

I'm only 22

turning 23 pretty soon tho

AngelicEmpyress

Hehe

SirDelta God King of Mecha

you seems a lot more lively for someone that old than i expeted

Phenylketonurics

Not much, surprisingly! I started with There's No Such Thing as Jason, it's completely written, done. And... I wanted to take the story and expand upon what Jason meant (since the first focused pretty exclusively on View)

Superjustinbros

Aah, cool!

And I've been working on my stuff since I was,... 14? (at least my current stuff)(edited)

AngelicEmpyress

oh wow

cosmographia

cool tho!

I think my comic has gotten a few minor tweaks throughout the years but damn, keeping it like that for a DECADE -applause-

DracoPlato

that is impressive!

Superjustinbros

I've made so many tweaks to my concepts (and really I've bene conceptualising stuff for so long)

SirDelta God King of Mecha

where did the title of the comic from

cosmographia

good you're getting what you want, tho!

Phenylketonurics

MINOR TWEAKS ARE GOOD! It helps keep the narrative organic and fresh. TNSTAJ was a telling of something already very vague so... it was just a matter of style, haha^^

RebelVampire

ah ty delta. you are segwaying into the next question

Phenylketonurics

Oh! The title came from a line in the story!

Superjustinbros

And I have one other series that I retired that was a self-fic that lasted from 2001 (when I was only seven) to 2009(edited)

Phenylketonurics

WELL DANG! WAIT, there's a big change then.

There's No Such Thing as Jason was originally titled "What is Wrong"

Superjustinbros

XD "What's wrong, Jason?"

Phenylketonurics

Then in 2006, I finished writing and loved the line one of the characters says near the beginning, haha^

SirDelta God King of Mecha

i'm confused with the i.t. part at the end

AngelicEmpyress

information technology i would presume

DracoPlato

lol!

Phenylketonurics

The I.T. part gets added on as a sort of "volume 2"

DracoPlato

Jason are you okay

Superjustinbros

What would volume 3 be, then?

SirDelta God King of Mecha

volume 2?

Phenylketonurics

It's the I.T. side, the technical nitty gritty of what Jason is.

SirDelta God King of Mecha

ah ok

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. What do you think is the significance of the title as it relates to the story? Who is View? Who is Jason? Are they the same person, differing identities, or something else entirely?

Superjustinbros

Aye

AngelicEmpyress

i was right lol

Phenylketonurics

OH THIS QUESTION! W

cosmographia

I was JUST gonna ask about the IT thing I love the reasoning behind it <3

DracoPlato

There's no such thing as Jason

RebelVampire

draco no. youre grounded

AngelicEmpyress

i think view and jason are two parts to the same person and one is trying to overcome the other

DracoPlato

yeah i think that as well

or jason may be a computer program and view is a virus

AngelicEmpyress

oh i like that pov

Superjustinbros

If that wound up being the truth

the part of being "like a compute rprogram"

SirDelta God King of Mecha

from my understanding, i think at some point veiw and jason were the same person, than after some event jason was able to remain the domanit person and go on with his life leaving view in the back of his head just wating to get out and fuck up jasons life

AngelicEmpyress

i feel that view is something that was created for some purpose and is now out of hand

and Dim is kinda the 'ground' persay

DracoPlato

I think Sten created View in his experiments on Jason

AngelicEmpyress

Yes

SirDelta God King of Mecha

i forgot about those

Phenylketonurics

(I am sitting here grinning over every single bit of input, YOU GUYS ARE SO BLOODY SMART WHAT THE HECK MAN!!)

Superjustinbros

LOL

Superjustinbros

YO WE LEVELED UP TOGETHER

SirDelta God King of Mecha

oh cousre your smiling, were all here for your comic

Superjustinbros

Yup~

AngelicEmpyress

i was thinking about the lollipops being what kept view detained, and it kinda showed Dims whole purpose in it all

RebelVampire

maybe view is like the replication of an avatar in real life of some sort. it reminds me of a video i watched the other day about the movie perfect blue and how the movie is about how someone's avatar is something scripted and not the real person. so maybe sten tried to create an avatar that is reflected by the real person.

Superjustinbros

So Jason would be like

Phenylketonurics

Delta has a crazy good point about how people can be buried in the back of our minds and REALLY mess us up when thrust back into our lives -- which ties directly into what AE says about Dim -- his presence is absolutely crucial for Jason (and integral for View)

AngelicEmpyress

and i think Day is just using jason to study more about view

Superjustinbros

God dang I dunno how long I can keep up with thsi chat XD

AngelicEmpyress

Lol

Superjustinbros

It's just all over the palce rn XP

AngelicEmpyress

that's the fun part though super

Superjustinbros

(Also in part cause I have the AC set to low)

AngelicEmpyress

you know how every electrical thing has to be ground or else itd go haywire...there you go view and dim

Superjustinbros

Yeah

SirDelta God King of Mecha

i feel like the jason necklace that he gave day was ment to be some kind of restrictor on view

AngelicEmpyress

but i think Dim is slowly growing tired of his 'job' and fromt hat View is slowly slipping out of grasp

Phenylketonurics

Oh man, YES, electricity!! The electrostatic involved with radio frequencies, a physical output of what happens at a mico-level, yes! The necklace is a definite "controller" of sorts, being something that View is quite focused on whenever he talks with the other characters.

Superjustinbros

HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE NECKLACE XO

AngelicEmpyress

Lol

DracoPlato

I didn't forget

cosmographia

ooh

Phenylketonurics

Oh man, noticing Dim's exhaustion~ He's in a job position that... seems to contradict his history with "fiddly little technical things"

SirDelta God King of Mecha

and now its on day and its fucking up her life so it makes me thing it was specily made for Jason

AngelicEmpyress

i dont know...the line "this metal was never meant for you" i'm not too sure

DracoPlato

my wonder is if any of it is real or if there's another reality outside of the one they exist in

SirDelta God King of Mecha

i coud be wrong, i did binge read it last week

RebelVampire

idk i think day has some issues and doesnt need the necklace to bring havoc in her life. cause i mean dont think the necklace has anything to do with the toxic work environment she clearly has.

Phenylketonurics

Ohoho, Day versus Dim with the necklace and the grades of metal that Jason/View have physiological responses to is massive.

DracoPlato

day definitely has some issues i think, haha

AngelicEmpyress

Lol

SirDelta God King of Mecha

everyone in this comic has issues

Phenylketonurics

Draco!! YES, in conversation with Day, Qress (Dim's sister) mentions reality as being a fun little game to play with, yeah!!

AngelicEmpyress

though we havent touched on what jason's older brother has in all this

DracoPlato

yeeees~ she did

Superjustinbros

Lol

AngelicEmpyress

i think out of all of them, he's the only one on the ground of reality

i think anyway

Superjustinbros

(Apologies if I'm not active much atm, there's other stuff I want to get to)(edited)

DracoPlato

I think sten and jason's brother are most aware of what reality is

AngelicEmpyress

Yes

SirDelta God King of Mecha

well what is reality really, its just how we percive it who knows maybe the others see the "real" reality(edited)

Phenylketonurics

Bringing Sten in (Dim's brother) was so difficult, I hoped so much that it would be interesting and not simply break that reality (since yes, reality is dependent on perspective which is often very much skewed!)

RebelVampire

i think bringing in sten actually vastly added a new hand to the table so to speak about what reality. cause things i assumed werent real suddenly were.

SirDelta God King of Mecha

oh yay, existentialism

AngelicEmpyress

i think the only time it was broken for me was with Qress... her scenes just seemed to happen outside of everything else and almost felt it didn't belong

Phenylketonurics

Existentialists, just hold your finger up to any argument and say, "but what's the point" X] BUT NO, no, hopefully I can steer clear of that kinda thing. Qress is heavy, oh my gosh, I'm so glad you said that AE!

AngelicEmpyress

and its almost like after her scene, i forgot about her

cosmographia

I agree with what Rebel said about Sten

DracoPlato

yeah i do too

sten is a huge piece i think

SirDelta God King of Mecha

but whats the point (i had too)

RebelVampire

if i absolutely had to pick someone to trust in this story it would be Qress actually. i think Qress seems the most innocent party so far in what happened in the past. cause even jason's brother mentioned having an idea of what was going on.

DracoPlato

same

i want to see more of her

AngelicEmpyress

i think i trust the brother...i dont know why (cuz im weird)

DracoPlato

I trust no one until it's over

AngelicEmpyress

Lol

Phenylketonurics

IT IS SO GOOD to hear that Sten cemented the reality of the main three in place, heck yes, thank you!! The Qress and Day conversation was a tiny little fragment of establishing their relationship, REALLY hope to expand upon that!

SirDelta God King of Mecha

i don't trust anyone is this comic, too many fucked up people

its just layers of counter manipulation

cosmographia

yea like...without him dropping answers, he GAVE a lot of answers or rather some leads to grasp on till more clues emerge

AngelicEmpyress

its all Stens fault x3

DracoPlato

#BlameSten

SirDelta God King of Mecha

i'm just gonna blame view

that seems like a safe bet

RebelVampire

AH! i trusted jason's brother some until this scene

https://tapas.io/episode/551271

DracoPlato

i feel like sten is responsible for view tho

RebelVampire

and then i went trust no one

AngelicEmpyress

i think view is only trying to create a reality for himself unmanipulated...even if he goes aobut it the wrong way lol

Phenylketonurics

It is such a power play, the manipulation of information -- something of a hornet's nest gone mad at times.

THAT IS A GOOD POINT YO!! AH! I am so excited that you brought that up, dang!

SirDelta God King of Mecha

Brb

DracoPlato

ah yeah i remember that with jason's brother

Tyle

Phenylketonurics

Tyle's weak point is his very short temper.

SirDelta God King of Mecha

i thought that was the wierdist nickname

DracoPlato

haha i had to double check cause i thought his name was Ty

AngelicEmpyress

im kinda reminded of Johnny 5 when i think of View

DracoPlato

omg, me too

SirDelta God King of Mecha

it just seems so odd to call him tyle

Phenylketonurics

(Tyle for Tyler, heh, nicknames can be a fun mask to wear, yeah?)

DracoPlato

Ooooooooooooooooooh

that makes more sense

I am super bad with names btw

Phenylketonurics

haha, no me too!!!

RebelVampire

his name is actually tyler!? my life is a lie

DracoPlato

actually i love that pheny mentions the names so often in artist's comments

that's super helpful

Phenylketonurics

thank you draco, aaa!! I always make sure to list people, I am awful at names everywhere. It's humiliating.

RebelVampire

yeah that is. i say this from doing reviews and always double checking name spellings. sometimes its a pain when i have to search a billion pages to find a single name drop :"D

DracoPlato

yeah I started trying to do it more cause of pheny and mappy doing it i think

Phenylketonurics

Right?! You go back like 40 pages and still get the name wrong because it's vague who's referencing who??

Need a hover-over option, put your mouse over the character in question and the name pops up, hah!

DracoPlato

omg that'd be awesome

character pages are great too

RebelVampire

yeah i really like when ppl have websites with cast pages

it makes life 1000 times easier

Phenylketonurics

khyatix HAS AN INCREDIBLE character profile page set oh my gooossh

AngelicEmpyress

hehe yus

DracoPlato

oooooh no no no it's terrible

the one for zenchav

the one for OoO is decent

Phenylketonurics

IT IS NOT! The one for zenchav is my favourite waaaitt!!

DracoPlato

omg it's so bad, i need to redo it

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. The story, in so far, has hinted that Jason was subjected to some sort of “experiment” in the past. What do you think the goal of the experiment was, and what was it doing to Jason exactly? Or, alternatively, do you think it’s all in everyone’s heads?

DracoPlato

Do you mean this one http://khyatix.com/zenchav/profiles.shtml Or this one? http://khyatix.com/zenchavooo/profiles.shtml

cosmographia

whether or not the experiment is real, it's clear that Jason was manipulated and kinda emotionally abused by the older gang so ū-ū

DracoPlato

The idea of perspective was brought up in relation to reality, so a lot of it may depend on who's perspective the story is really being seen from

SirDelta God King of Mecha

Back

DracoPlato

wb~!

Phenylketonurics

The first one! I LOVE THAT ONE, it's clean and has so much cool information included (everything necessary for referencing while making fanart, heh)! And whoa cosmo, you picked right up on the age play there -- seniority rules, yo.

DracoPlato

Ooooh, maybe i'll do more like that then, i thought they were kind of lame. But I couldn't do time specific ones for zenchav cause of the nature of the story

AngelicEmpyress

i actually have no idea

i sometimes think it really didn't have a goal...but it was just some fun experiment to see how far it could go

DracoPlato

okay so I think the experiment was tyle and sten dicking around creating a game and sten got power hungry and wanted to take it further

SirDelta God King of Mecha

sadly i don't remember those parts too well

DracoPlato

but initially maybe it was just as a to see if it can be done kind of thing

RebelVampire

my running theory is that it was specifically a psychological experiment on personality manipulation. in otherwords, the goal was to see if they could use a game to give someone an entirely different identity. thus view was born.

Phenylketonurics

Tying recounts of past events into present based on who's where (esp in relation to another character/their relationship status) has made the progress for the experimental game's purpose slow-going. but I love that there's so much potential/guessing-room for it.

AngelicEmpyress

oh wow i like that Rebel

DracoPlato

i do too, hahah

Phenylketonurics

Rebel, h'oh man, that is something HUGE to chew on and it's killing me! I love it!!

AngelicEmpyress

i hadn't made the connection with the game until tonight...had forgotten about that part

guess i focused more on the metal

DracoPlato

altho

dim was experimented on too it seems like

and it wasn't personality effecting so much

AngelicEmpyress

i think Dim was more the bracer...

like ok you two want to do this crazy thing ill make sure it doesn't get out of hand

SirDelta God King of Mecha

having two people experiment on someone is a bad idea

AngelicEmpyress

so he agreed to be experimented on

Superjustinbros

Very

SirDelta God King of Mecha

i mean two different experiments on one guy

RebelVampire

im unclear whether dim was experimented on or if they forged dim's name on the consent document so sten and them wouldnt get busted

in the sense that it shows dim as the experiment head instead of sten

Phenylketonurics

The ethical side of this experiment is clear, though, yeah? X]

DracoPlato

that it's unethical?

AngelicEmpyress

btw Rebel, I love these questions! i thought they'd be some generic each week questions but i love that these are tailored ot the story

Phenylketonurics

HAHA! IT IS CLEAR!

AngelicEmpyress

lol Draco

RebelVampire

oh good draco replied what i was thinking XD

and ty~! that was my intention is to have questions more tailored to the story. minus the first question which will probably repeat each week for sake of it being the first question and it letting ppl get their feet wet so to speak

Phenylketonurics

No for real, Rebel, these are such brilliant questions, humbled to the very core, yo. It is making me wanna answer with my all, hah!

AngelicEmpyress

hehe

that means phenny will be at other CTPs?

Phenylketonurics

YOU KNOW IT!!

SirDelta God King of Mecha

kinda makes so i can't wait for my comics day

cosmographia

yea man, the questions are A+ :D

AngelicEmpyress

YAY

Phenylketonurics

Delta, yes~!! I will so be there for your comic's day!

SirDelta God King of Mecha

Woo

AngelicEmpyress

ill be there too delta

SirDelta God King of Mecha

i think its in two weeks

any way we're getting stracked(edited)

AngelicEmpyress

i think the only scene that confused me...not as in what is going on in general...but more i never followed what happened was the game night scene

the description was like "day knows what happened and we do too" and im like i have no idea what happened

Phenylketonurics

THE GAME NIGHT SCENE, AA. That was one I had a lot of people tell me they were too confused over.

RebelVampire

if i understood the game scene correctly

AngelicEmpyress

i think i read it like 4 times before i gave up lol

SirDelta God King of Mecha

i don't even remember this scene

RebelVampire

jason hallucinated sten and they were actually talking to a different person?

SirDelta God King of Mecha

oh that one

AngelicEmpyress

but i thought view set it up but then he didn’t

SirDelta God King of Mecha

it seemed like view did it

Phenylketonurics

Yes! So... Jason was supposedly invited to a floor mate's game night party.

SirDelta God King of Mecha

i remember now

DracoPlato

oh yeah that did confuse me too

SirDelta God King of Mecha

its fine

i just thought of that as view fucking with jasons life

AngelicEmpyress

but then they got there and no one knew what was going on?

i thought the game night was at jason's

yeah total confusion

RebelVampire

it was at a differnt jason's

DracoPlato

Sten already playing a game with Jason

SirDelta God King of Mecha

other Jason

RebelVampire

someone who lived in the building whose name also be jason

or something like that

AngelicEmpyress

Lol

RebelVampire

the point being is i think jason was never invited but view lied to day and said they were invited

which is why when they got there the person said "i didnt invite you."

DracoPlato

jason, you have no friends

because there's no such thing as Jason

SirDelta God King of Mecha

name drop bomb

BOOOOOOM

RebelVampire

jason is a figment of everyone's imagination including ours

AngelicEmpyress

lol draco

RebelVampire

i took that thought too far in my head. now have headache

SirDelta God King of Mecha

I MIUST FIGURE OUT THE TRUTH THEN(edited)

DracoPlato

too many reflections in the mirror

Phenylketonurics

Yes! Earlier in the week, when Day and Jason were going to his dorm, do you remember the elevator scene? And them rushing to his room as someone called to talk to him? Right here>> https://tapas.io/episode/301105

AngelicEmpyress

Yeah

SirDelta God King of Mecha

yeah, other Jason

Phenylketonurics

There's a few little things that have yet to happen that will loop as a recurring moment from this scene. BUT YO, yeah, somatic experience ended up giving Jason a pretty harsh memory of Sten that he tried to resolve in present time.

It could be noted that Jason being aware of JASON and his memory super-imposing Sten over that name as a bit trippy.

ALL WHILE HAPPENING ON GAME NIGHT.

video games, ouch, hah^^

SirDelta God King of Mecha

jesus these people need to see a therapist

DracoPlato

lolol

that is intense though

i should reread that part

AngelicEmpyress

we shouldn't play video games XDDD

SirDelta God King of Mecha

but there so much fun

DracoPlato

it's okay, I don't

SirDelta God King of Mecha

you play the sims

cosmographia

hahahah

Phenylketonurics

THE SIMS IS CRUCIAL.

SirDelta God King of Mecha

...i know it(edited)

DracoPlato

I know right

sims is the best

SirDelta God King of Mecha

Ehh

DracoPlato

gotta make all my characters

damon gotta impregnate everyone

SirDelta God King of Mecha

were getting side tracked again

Phenylketonurics

I still put Sims music on while I'm working on background art.

AngelicEmpyress

sometimes it just makes you want to give jason a hug x3

DracoPlato

omg XD listening to sims music

RebelVampire

the plot twist of theres no such thing as jason is that its just a game of sims that jason is playing

AngelicEmpyress

lol

yus

DracoPlato

Ommmmmg

SirDelta God King of Mecha

view is just jason actully intervining in the game

Phenylketonurics

Jason has had not a very good experience with adults in his life -- crossing the threshold into adulthood might be wearing on his nerves, though! Sims adulthood is so much easier, ahha^^

DracoPlato

does jason have peter pan syndrome

SirDelta God King of Mecha

the fuck is that

DracoPlato

where you don't want to grow up and want to stay a kid forever

SirDelta God King of Mecha

AngelicEmpyress

Lol

SirDelta God King of Mecha

shoulda guessed

DracoPlato

i mean it's either that or the other thing

RebelVampire

to be fair, with the amount of emotional trauma jason suffered, he perhaps missed some key development points while growing up

DracoPlato

yeah i do feel like jason is off developmentally

AngelicEmpyress

True

SirDelta God King of Mecha

yeah...

that boy is fucked

Phenylketonurics

HOHO, Jason 's perspective on age not yet addressed, I am looking forward to this. His anxiety stems from just what you've been noticing though, yes. Fear of the unknown!

DracoPlato

you and me both Jason

SirDelta God King of Mecha

so...human nature

cosmographia

ay Jason...

Phenylketonurics

Haha, HUBRIS!

cosmographia

but yea that's a good point, he may have missed key developments due to trauma

DracoPlato

but is jason even human

cause he could just be AI

SirDelta God King of Mecha

and view could be a glitch then

SirDelta God King of Mecha

a terrible glitch

AngelicEmpyress

so many possibilities

Phenylketonurics

The problem though is that memory being shifty and undependable makes advancing beyond that fear even worse (view glitch is a freaking killer concept dang)

AngelicEmpyress

lol would be funny is view as he is trying to make the reality accidentally glitched himself

cosmographia

-nod- and confidence issues can effectively make someone far easier to manipulate

so you can just tell Jason "remember when you __" and with enough convincing, he'd most likely believe it?

SirDelta God King of Mecha

buts a little manipulator too

everyone is

cosmographia

oh yea def

but Jason could be a reactive manipulator as in, it's just what seems to work for everyone else toward him so he's projecting what works

SirDelta God King of Mecha

its just layers and layers of manipulation and counter manipulation

cosmographia

yea

RebelVampire

Unfortunately, the scheduled Comic Tea Party is now complete~! Thank you everyone so much for joining this first chat~! We are happy to have had you all here~! That being said, if you would like to continue discussing the comic, we encourage you to do so~! We want to give a big thank you to Phenylketonurics, as well, for volunteering There’s No Such Thing as Jason - I.T. for our reading queue. If you liked the comic, please be sure to support Phenylketonurics’ efforts. If you have questions, concerns, or suggestions about CTP, please feel free to PM me, or e-mail me at [email protected]. As CTP is new, we are going to tweak things here or there, but we’ll be sure to let you know of any changes.

With that said, next week’s Comic Tea Party will focus on Psychteria by CalimonGraal. Please use this week to read as much of the comic as you would like. Hope to see you next Thursday (June 1st) from 5PM to 7PM PST~! Until then~! Comic: https://tapas.io/series/Psychteria

#ctparchive #comic tea party #comicteaparty #there's no such thing as jason #TNSTAJ #comics #webcomics #indie comics #bookclub #comic discussion

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gotatext · 5 years ago

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claws my way out of the dirt like the goblin i am ..... hello thots, its nora, once again bringing you a revamped version of a muse i played yonks ago n some of u may have even written against... here is her pinterest.....

this is margaret greta, she’s a whole can of trauma spaghetti plastered over with a toothy grin and a lot of dad jokes. the only reason she’s in gifford really is bcos shes been put there as part of a witness protection program cos lots of police r monitoring livingstone so its deemed relatively safe.... haha... anyway she changes major all the time. she started off doing fine art but since then she’s done modules in architecture, film, bio-chemistry and is now dabbling in medicine.

CIS-FEMALE — ever hear people say GRETA O’DRISCOLL looks a lot like DIANA SILVERS? I think SHE is about 21, so it doesn’t really work. The MEDICINE major is a SOPHOMORE that is from DEADWOOD, SOUTH DAKOTA. They can be +CHARMING, but they can also be -EVASIVE. I think GEE might be SHEEP. They are living in YATES. ( nora. 23. gmt. she/her )

this bitch is the most restless creature u ever seen. before she came to livingstone, she’d lived in 8 different cities in 3 years.

was adopted as an infant. had two foster moms and two older sisters so always surrounded by women. lived in a boarding house, very much like the one in 20th century women, with lodgers coming in and out all the time, mostly artsy young women because her gay moms were both high school teachers trying to set up their own arts collective. one of her moms left when she was 4, n she doesn’t really remember her.

while living with entirely women made her super into catlin moran and the guilty feminist, as a teenager she often let boys walk all over her bc she just craved male attention jst bcos she’d never really experienced it. saw it as something aspirational, like sitting in the back of chad’s second-hand truck while he drove you to macdonalds and offered you and his five friends with identical haircuts weed was the height of being cool to greta, she wanted to be their dream girl, even if it meant compromising her beliefs

bubbly bitch but also massive snake. metaphorically and literally, always shedding her skin. loyal to few, ruled by none, out for herself, babey!! every place she goes, she becomes a new character, someone who’s a figment of her imagination, as if each city is repertory theatre and she’s a character actress, so as a result som ppl think she’s called rita, some ppl know her as margot, she just flicks through identities like nobodies business.

goes through phases of being intensely feminist and tweeting “men are trash i don’t need them” before flipping into being lonely and needy n wanting male attention again. tends to gravitate towards men who are just pieces of shit tbh like her friends are always like hun.... pick a nice boy..... but no.... she’ll go for the boxer with several arrest records for gbh or the small-town drug dealer just trying to hook her onto pills for a little extra cash, or the reformed sinner who thinks he’s being protective by reading all her texts and always knowing where she is..... n she always finds a way to spin it so that they Just Care About Her and aren’t a p.o.s

left school at 18 n didn’t go to uni, moved in w her boyfriend of the time instead, but soon got bored, n then went backpacking around the states making money in the casinos by being a shot girl (yeehaw) and trying to make it as a mysterious 1920s widow with a smoky voice, a dark secret n a heart of gold, looking for love in the big city. all she found was producers and acting agents who’d promise her stardom n actually just fuck her in a motel n then ignore her calls.

TW domestic violence, TW gun, her watershed moment came when she met luke in sioux falls while she was playing bass for a country n blues band. he was a few years older and had a car, and they kind of went from seeing each other to being that super intense couple who are just necking all the time.

they got engaged like 3 months after they met n rented a flat together, much to her family’s annoyance but she was 19 so there wasn’t much they could do. their relationship was super super intense though, often really heightened and when they fought it could become quite violent, but she’d pass it off as just him being really passionate.

one of their fights got really heated and greta threatened him with the gun he kept in the glove box of his vauxhall corsa, but the safety was off and she accidentally shot him. she pleaded self defence in the trial n cos of the amount of times she’d been hospitalised for various concussions n things like ‘fallling down the stairs’ the police were like yea... pretty watertight evidence that he was a bastard who [chicago voice] had it coming..... also this happened in 2017, he was mixed race and greta is white so naturally the police totally took her side. she’s now under witness protection, rehoused in livingstone as a sports-scholarship student, due to the amount of police involvement in the area, it would mean should one of luke’s family members try to track her down, she’d be relatively safe

massive sports fanatic. plays tennis. on the cheer team. was a track superstar in her high school. honestly just that sporty bitch, you’ll see her doing lines at a party at half four and then on your way to your 9am lecture you see her running across the park like a fresh fucking daisy who is this bitch

pretty easy to get along with (provided you don’t anger, provoke or question her too much) because she WANTS your character to be enthralled by her and will do whatever it takes to win them over. she wants everyone to love her

is That Girl who always knows where the parties are, and is always there, on the sofa, talking about institutionalised racism and trying to coerce you into a game of beer pong that she’ll definitely win. doesn’t really have one solid group of friends, just kind of on good terms with everyone and social butterflies about

has changed her major so many times. decision? who is she. currently studying medicine, but doesn’t rlly enjoy it. she’s very unmotivated and lazy and probably wouldn’t ahve bothered going to uni if she hadn’t been placed in one by a witness protection program. will probably change on to history or gender studies soon n just make up the extra credits by volunteering

massive feminist. low key quite scared of powerful men bcos of her ex. wants to start a female only lesbian commune bc she misses her childhood in a south dakota boarding house and has endless support for women. honestly annoyed that she is attracted to men, would so be 100% gay if it was a choice. cuffs her jeans and can’t drive. is That bisexual. skateboards. wears backwards caps. i hate her

plays bass guitar, has a teal green fender and it is her BABY. it’s covered in stickers about saving the planet and ending fracking and going vegan. she’s in an all-female punk band w agnes (n mayb jade i think) n they play gigs every now n then in grotty club basements full of druggy sweaty college kids

PERSONALITY: easy-going, sociable, observant, blunt, amiable, nihilistic, self-serving, laid back, independent, unmotivated, charming, lazy, impulsive, alluring. ESTP and a leo

LIKES: art, music, john wayne movies, black mirror, philosophy, cowboy chic culture, DC comics, arcade games, candyfloss, deep red lipstick, marijuana, dogs, karaoke, Kate Moss, late-night strolls, zip-lining, chemistry, suspenders, cigarettes, herbal tea, gallows humour, cold coffee, long showers, brown eyes, tchaikovsky, dr. seuss, boiler house DJ sets, magnolias, decorative lamps, worn-out furniture, twangy electric guitars.

DISLIKES: bananas, coffee, Woody Allen, mental mathematics, children, Trump, institutionalised misogyny, the imaginary future, french literature, Wes Anderson films, spoken word poetry, the general mentality of cheerleading squads (despite being on one)

aesthetics:

a bubble of pink gum on chapped lips, mom jeans, a beaten up pair of adidas, denim jackets, strawberry laces, knee-highs, chapped lips, peeling sticky plasters, split knuckles, bruises you try to cover with concealer, stick and poke tattoos, hot coffee, sleep caught in your eyes on a lazy afternoon, kissing girls, cigarette smoke shrouding you like a veil, alien conspiracy theories and sci-fi paperbacks, doc martens with fraying laces, the red string of a thong peaking out purposely from jeans, leonine arch of your back and that stellar smile that says ‘you have no idea who you’re dealing with’, a rucksack permanently packed for the move, a streak of red across your lips, roller blades, cut knees, not eating your greens, smiling with a mouthful of blood, and piercing your own ears with a safety pin when your mom wouldn’t take you, kate moss posters lining the walls of a teenage bedroom, his name scrawled in rage across the pages of a diary, thumb holes poked through the cuffs of your sleeves, a tennis racket you punched through in a fit of temper, feet pounding the earth until your soles bleed crimson, sleeping in a cherry lip balm and scrunchies to keep the wild locks from your eyes.

wanted plots: since greta literally can’t differentiate between romantic and platonic love, she’s got off with so many of her mates, so i want awkward friendships where they nearly dated, or exes that have now just turned into weird friendships, and girls from the cheer team who she’s like, weirdly intimate with like the shower together but its not a Thing cos the other girls straight, and I want like, fellow medicine students who are like?? how is this bitch still passing?? i swear she goes out every night?? she works part time at a fast food restaurant, i want a mate that just goes and sits in there talking to her until her manager gets angry. ppl she did a few modules with before changing course and somehow sort of remaining in touch with, like she did a few art modules, a bit of film, n some architecture before switching to medicine, though she’ll probs switch course again soon. ppl who she runs track with. someone she’s trying to make a zine with. here’s a list of plots on her old blog if u want any of them w her.

would love plots of any type, throw them all at me please, i cnt wait to interact w all of u. like this if u want me to message you about connections / plots! xo

full biography if u can be bothered

trigger warnings: drugs, domestic abuse, gun.

you never meant for it to happen. you’d heard the stories, of girls who let their man walk all over them, and thought to yourself “i’ll never be one of those girls…” the kind that eat low-fat yoghurt and drink slim fast to shred a few extra pounds because he said she was getting round in the tummy, or the ones who spent their evenings tied to a kitchen sink drinking wine while him and the boys played poker, wishing god, if only I could get out of here. not you, not you raised by strong women, four bright shining beacons. single mother with her hard-as-nails attitude and her stony glares, elder sisters (twins) one ginger, one blonde, one doctor, one lawyer, both determined to take a bullet to the brain and a hammer to the patriarchy before they let a man touch them without asking. you were always so inferior, so insecure and small, like a bird (like a sparrow) with blonde plaits down your back sucking tropicana whilst your busom buds sucked dick, their lips permanently ripe with stories of their sexual exploits, fake tan and glittered nails whilst you sat in the unbroken egg of virginity wondering what it was like to be loved. one day you found out.

lily milligan’s parents gone and a free house for the night, bottles of ouzo and tequila swiped from your mother’s liquor cabinet thinking she wouldn’t know (she always knew) your legs, hardened from pep squad, slut dropping on a kitchen table because the boys thought it would be fun to get the quiet girl drunk. you’d never had a sip before that night. band t-shirts, denim shorts and the split soles of rotten converse that you refuse to let go of, you still clutched with both hands to your youth, but in a tube top now (borrowed from alice carmichael who had a sister in college) and a short tennis skirt, your feet not in trainers but in thigh-high boots. uncomfy as hell but lily said you needed to look sexy. you didn’t know if you wanted to be sexy. you didn’t know what kind of girl you were, if you were even a girl at all. but robbie looked at you like he knew exactly who you were, like he knew you better than you knew yourself, and his lips had the pink cupid’s bow of a movie star, and his hair was dark locks, curling like a mane. his hands were soft, and suddenly on your waist, and after three more shots his lips were on yours and his name was the only sound in your head and on your lips as you lost it in lily’s college sister’s bedroom beneath the glare of a T-Pain poster. you bled for what seemed like hours, his hand still in yours, kissing on the sofa as truth tellers and dare devils continued to spin a bottle of unprecedented youth. you thought it was love. robbie was the one. he loved you, you knew it, how else could someone be so soft? but soon he grew bored, scrunched up your paper heart and set it alight. then came the tears, the hatred, the ‘fuck robbie, in fact, fuck all boys.’ and that you did.

you were known for being easy. any boy could be yours for a night, as long as he promised to love you for those few short breaths and pants before you cried yourself to sleep. you felt poisoned, but poisonous as well, as if by ensnaring these young boys you were gaining power over them, and not the other way around. soon it started to work. they’d want more, but you’d deny them it, sick of sucking off silly schoolboys, they’d call you a tease, a vixen. maybe you were, but you couldn’t help but want older men. you got the history teacher first time, him bending you over his desk to sneak a hand up your tennis skirt as the after-school clubs carried on next door, unawares. love didn’t exist, not for you. it was nothing but a game for pretty young girls to play, bubble gum in their canines and a hand tugging at the hem of their cheer skirt.

there was so much anger inside of your small body, ‘beware of boys and their hook-like words’. hockey helped. there was something formidable about the feeling of a stick like a weapon in your hands and the thwack it made against thighs in the heat of a scrum - “slipped, sorry!” - you’d utter with a snakeskin smile, millicent quinn knowing that you’d hit her on purpose because she shagged robbie at that party last week. she couldn’t prove it, cobbled acne on her forehead turning green with disgust. ben came into your life like a car crash. two years your senior, with a baseball jacket and shoulders like a god. he became your personal hero. on the pitch, he was lethal. together, you could bring anyone to their ruin. each day after last period he’d be waiting in his car. you’d leap into his arms like a girl-half starved, love me, love me, love me, your heated kisses the envy of every junior girl. he was yours for three blissful years, utterly yours, and you were his, his star-spangled girl, and he was your knight - you were both the same, playing games, always difficult to predict. it was a shock to all when he proposed, high-school sweethearts find love in south dakota.

the engagement was a bittersweet affair; three months – you barely out of your gingham print skirts and into a graduation gown, him, a surly quarterback towering above your sisters, cigarette at his lips and a scowl like a fart in a lift. they hated him. so did you. but you were eighteen and in love, and he fitted the cookie cutter mould. everyone wanted him, and you had him. you had him and you were happy, happy, happy, and he loved you. he said he’d give you the world, anything you wanted hand-picked and given to you. instead, he gave you a jack russell terrier and a flat you couldn’t swing a cat in, wallpaper peeling like the rotten bits inside of you, the bits that only he knew. and you got tireder and tireder of the sad excuse of a life he’d picked out for you, him out doing god knows what to pay the bills, and you dancing on tables to pave your way to stardom, and this was love, this was real, until the shine wore off and your fresh-faced, dimple-cheeked cheerleader facade faded and the ugliness started to reveal itself, the whining, the petulance, the sharp-tempered cruelty, the mind games, the need to always win, win, win. he was dull, he was boring, he was nothing like the boy the girls had said he was and no chiselled six pack could hide his lack of anything remotely interesting, your patience wearing thin until it snapped like rubber, a rucksack on your back, running shoes on your feet and the joint bank account emptied into your eighth grade birthday wallet.

you built your small fortunes working the casinos of sioux falls, a crimson dress and an attitude to match. bookish archie with his little dipper freckles was fun for a month, before he became just as dull and dreary as the rest. a three hour bus and you were in minneapolis, bright eyed and bushy tailed, fresh meat ready for the pickings. a hostel here, a friendly co-worker’s sofa there as you made what you could by taking off your clothes and shaking your ass like you were back in pep squad, doing what you did best. you met your fair share of creeps, and soon it was back on the road to escape a wide-eyed stalker and a restless itch for more. milwaukee, chicago, you made the roads your own. log cabins and lodgings, and the occasional motel, a beaten up pick up truck purchased at a scrap merchants – you got a few miles out of it before it bit the dust, and when you finally set it alight after nights spent lounging across the driver’s seat, a parka tucked over you as a duvet, you were sad to see it go. you’re nomadic by fault, never attaching to place, people or things, creating a new personality in every place you go like a character actress; each town is a different repertory theatre, and you’re the star. a compulsive liar, you even fib about your own name, to some you’re ellen, nineteen, bookish, a law student who likes smoking and cosmos. to someone else you’re rita, you’re twenty five and look young for your age, like smoking, comics and fucking in public places.

in the bright lights of michigan, you found charlie, sweet charlie, too good for you, though you let him spoil you while he thought you were the small town girl of his dreams. next came abigail, who was fun until the jealously kicked in, and then luke, gorgeous luke, dangerous, exciting, who despite his temper, despite the fights, despite bruises down your spine and your teeth marks on his arms, loved you with the strength of a wild fire. there was destruction in your wishbones, a savageness from the field, from the pitch and now somehow in his arms, you were godly. he was cruel, he was careless, and he refused to fall at your feet like so many other boys had, which only you made you want him all the more. you were rage incarnate. you hated him so fiercely you thought you might kill him, so he played the only card you wouldn’t predict; proposed.

the house you shared was a backstreet flat in detroit, you making your name as a downtown singer while he footed the bill with pills. they had a drug for anything these days, to dull the senses, to pick them up, to drive you to insanity or pull you out of the madness hole. the two of you lived like criminals on the run (you never told him that you were, living out your days as the enigma he wanted you to be), you with your voice like caramel and fishnet legs. you were his and his alone until his hand was at your throat and the gun was in your hands screaming at him to stop, stop, stop, until a bullet stoppered his brain, crimson staining linoleum as you cast yourself out like lucifer. self defence was decreed the moment they saw your violet neck, black tears and headlight eyes and mind screaming red, red, red like the pom-poms you shook so willingly in school and the insides of his skull. you were gone, and “you” was born, renamed “greta”, boxed, shipped-out, and next-day delivered to livingstone where under witness protection you were a student, blank slate, fresh-faced in a place where no one knew your name, doing what you always did and starting again.

#livingintro #this is such a long boi....... waht the fuck.... u dont need to read the bio the summary notes are long enough fuking hell

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