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lenfaz · 6 years ago

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Sea Squad, ch. 6 (6/14)

Summary: Killian Jones has always managed tough spots in his con life… but never like this one. His brother is out of jail and convinced the only way to win his name back is to heist the casino of a major Vegas mogul, leaving Killian to do the planning. He now has to deal with a half-brother desperate to gain a name of his own, an ex-fling that carries her own torch against the casino mogul, his brother losing his mind over his ex-wife, his former mentor’s depression and the one woman he can’t get out of his mind giving him chase. Ocean’s Eleven AU

Rating: M

Content warnings: semi-explicit sexual content, law-breaking (they are thieves, liars and con men), mild violence (someone will get punched), mention of former relationships (for the main pair) and cheating (but not for the main pair)

Banner (link to banner post) and art by the amazing @clockadile Go check her art tag for the fic here!

This fic would never exist without the wonderful @sambethe who convinced me to do over hot chocolate on one cold Chicago afternoon and virtually held my hand and betaed this fic for months. thank you SO much for everything you do.

A/N: A long time ago there was talk about Hook & his sea friends and a few collective posts shaped the idea of a Sea Squad. This fic is the attempt to bring that creativity to life. Tagging @queen-mabs-revenge @thesschesthair and @jvosketches as they were part of that initial thinking back in the day. If a few things sound familiar, it’s because they are based on the movie.

Link to FFnet & AO3

on tumblr: 1 2 3 4 5

Chapter 6

The hours turned long and they’d hit the somewhat duller stages of planning. The initial excitement for the heist had given way to long hours of detailing, building the vault replica, and going over the execution. It required a level of focus and concentration that brought out frayed nerves in everyone.

Well, almost everyone.

Nemo had always been good at keeping his composure, and Poseidon had a knack for coming in and out of the character he was playing without wearing himself out. But the rest of them were starting to show signs of distress.

Ariel and Eric bantered constantly, but their rapport had taken on a sniping quality, even about the most petty items, right down to their Netflix queue. The uptick in Smee’s fidgeting with his cap, as well as his obsessive need to re-review the footage of the casinos and note every single detail, was leaving an ache in Killian’s jaw from all the clenching.

LJ, meanwhile, was giving Killian and Liam the silent treatment, as he kept his headphones glued to his ears and his nose buried in a seemingly endless stream of books.

Milah had taken to disappearing for hours at a time, keeping whatever - or whomever - she was doing under wraps. All of which suited Killian just fine, as the last thing they needed was to alert Gold that she was in town. Besides he knew Milah and trusted her. He knew she could be stealthy when she wanted, so he kept his mouth shut.

Ursula spent most of her time shadowing her co-workers at the casino, and only dropping by to feed them new information and get orders from Liam. The two of them would retreat into a corner, all bent heads and whispered words. They didn’t fool Killian at all. He knew Ursula was updating Liam on all of Belle’s movement and a part of him wanted to call his brother on wasting effort by splitting their focus. But Liam had promised, as did he, so he knew he owed his brother this chance.

As for Henry, Killian knew he still felt like an outsider. Luckily, the kid had thick skin and when he was done bonding with LJ over music and comics, he’d retreat to his own corner, plugging in his headphones and writing in his journal. His quiet edge was one Killian easily recognized as the product of spending too much time on his own in foster and group homes, and he couldn’t help but feel drawn to the kid because of it. When he was not shadowing LJ, Killian had been working with Henry, going over what he needed to do and rehearsing and timing his performance. The lad was good - more than good - and Killian couldn’t help the pride he felt as time and again Henry delivered on what he was asked to do.

Which was why when he found out that Henry wasn’t an expert on poker - or any card game - Killian took the kid under his wing and vowed to teach him everything he knew. Unlike his celebrity students, Henry was sharp as a knife, picking up on what the game was about and executing bluffs with such mastery that it brought tears to Killian’s eyes. He was getting fairly good at blackjack too. He couldn’t count cards with Liam’s speed, but he was good at making quick decisions in the heat of the game and landing on his feet.

After the first couple of nights, LJ asked to join the game, and Killian got a glimpse at another side of his little brother. When he was at ease - and he seemed most at ease with Smee and Henry - he could be quite charming. His permanent scowl gave way to an easy smile and a dry wit, his hands moving fast as he dealt cards, his eyes not giving away a single thing as he called bets. He proved to be as good as Killian at bluffing, and even better than Liam at reading a table. It was enough to make Killian weep, again, which resulted in LJ throwing his cards at him, calling him a softie.

Clearing his throat, Killian looked at the three of them. “We need a night out.”

“To do what?” Henry asked

“Get some drinks, play some cards, bet some money,” he replied with a wave of his hand.

“So basically the same thing we’re doing right here,” LJ retorted, clearly not impressed with him. Killian, though, knew by now it was a tactic his brother played. If you don’t get your hopes too high, the fall doesn’t hurt that much.

“Not exactly the same… we’re lacking a certain ambiance here.”

Henry gave them a wry grin. “I’m underage… I won’t be allowed anywhere.”

“There is so much you need to learn about this town, lads.” Killian turned around to his most loyal companion. “What do you say, Smee? Should we show these two what the City of Sin has to offer?”

/-/

He had to give it to both of them, Henry and LJ cleaned up well for their night out. Black slacks, button down shirts, nice shoes, the whole nine yards. Which was slightly funny considering that they ended up in one of the seediest joints Vegas had to offer. But the drinks were good, the tables were humming with activity, and no one even thought to card them with Killian by their side. They joined a poker game in one of the private rooms for a few hours before they took onto the blackjack tables. Henry held his own in both while also holding down his liquor. LJ, true to form, simply took everything by storm, including charming the brunette dealer who kept leaning closer to him with each new hand she dealt. When she announced the end of her shift and threw a coy glance at LJ, Killian knew the night was coming to an end. At least for some of them.

Smee and Henry moved to cash in their winnings, while he and LJ finished their drinks.

“You know you’ve had a tail for the past few hours, don’t you?” LJ said as he placed his glass on the table.

“Aye, I’m aware.” Killian’s fingers moved along the rim of the glass, resisting the urge to look behind him. “She’s been shadowing us all night.”

“You shadow her, she shadows you… is this some kind of kinky foreplay I want to know nothing about?”

Killian laughed. “I wish.” He ran a hand through his hair, forcing himself to focus on the matter at hand. “Will this be a problem for you?”

LJ shrugged. “Nah, I don’t think so. She might be good with faces, but I’m good at being a no one. It’s going to come in handy this time. But I should take off before she makes it any closer. Perhaps seek refuge in a different bed for the time being.” His eyes glinted with mischief.

He rolled his eyes. “I’m sure that’s a sacrifice you’re willing to bear, and I’m sure that lovely croupier would be more than happy to assist you.”

“I’ll get Henry and Smee to leave without coming back here, just in case. I figure you can run interference for us?”

Killian raised his glass at him. “I can do that. It’s me she’s after anyway.”

LJ squeezed his arm. “Killian, be careful, aye?” The concern and fondness in his words made Killian swallow.

“Aye, I will.”

He watched as LJ retreated, playing with the chips on the table and downing his drink. He ordered another as the new dealer showed up. As she set up the table, Killian counted out his heartbeats - one, two, three, four…

On five, Emma sat down beside him, cashing in a hundred dollar bill.

“I’d have thought you’d have privileges for playing in Gold’s casinos, Swan.”

“Fancy places are not my thing. And I could say the same to you. Nemo’s protegee should be able to access better places than this.”

He tilted his head, studying her profile. He wasn’t surprised by the words. It was only natural that she’d set to go after him, looking under every rock for every single piece of information she could gather on him.

There just the two of them on the table and the dealer opened up the bets. He placed a chip on the felt and waited for his cards. “What can I say, this place has its benefits…”

She didn’t pay that much attention to her cards. “What were you doing here tonight?”

Shifting a little, he doubled his bet. “Just passing the time.”

She passed on her bet and Killian winced. She should have doubled with the cards she’d been dealt. “Really? And who were your friends?”

A small smirk came to his lips. “Just some acquaintances I hadn’t had the chance to catch up with in a long time.”

The house went over. He won a good sum. Emma won the bare minimum.

“Funny you should say that, because when I looked into you, I couldn’t find a single associate. Or friend. Or acquaintance.”

Aye. He’d anticipated that, which is why he’d made sure Smee erased all traces of his known associates, along with his family and friends. Only Nemo remained, as it gave him a valid connection to be in the city. If push came to shove, he could claim that he was here to be with his friend.

He examined his cards and shrugged a shoulder. “What can I say, I’m a lone wolf.”

“Bullshit, Killian.” She raised her hand to double her bet and his hand moved of its own accord to stop her.

“The house has too many chances to take this one, let it pass.”

The way she cocked an eyebrow at him stirred something in him, but he reigned it in and slowly removed his hand. Emma stared down at her cards for a long moment before passing on raising her bet. He wouldn’t count that as a sign of anything, that way would only lead to heartache in the end. They continued to play in silence for a few hands, Killian earning a nice pile of chips while Emma fell behind. Resisting the urge to give her more pointers, Killian leaned back and drummed his fingers on the table.

“How's working for Gold?”

The corner of her lips lifted in the hint of a smile. “Please, as if you were interested in my work.”

“You wound me, Swan.”

“Drop the act. I know you’re up to something and I know you’re trying to weasel information out of me. But I’m not the girl that I was. I’m not falling for your charming lies this time.” She gathered her chips, leaving one behind for a tip, and walked away.

He shouldn’t go after her, he knew he shouldn’t. And yet the temptation was stronger than his will. Picking up his own chips and sliding them in his pocket, he flipped one to the dealer and followed Emma out.

He caught up with her almost at the exit and pulled her into a corner of the room. Resisting the urge to give in and press his body to hers, he focused instead on his words.

“You don't want to do this. You don’t want to be spying for Gold, Emma.”

“You don’t get to tell me what to do, especially since you’re the reason I need to find this type of employment.” While there was bitterness in her words, her eyes also seemed focused to his lips. Killian felt the same pull and he moved closer to her, his fingers itching to trace along the soft skin of her arms. Before he could, Emma shook her head and pressed her hand on his chest, stopping him.

“Your charm no longer works on me, Jones. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…”

“I’m not trying to fool you.” He sighed, resisting the urge to drag her out of here and bring her to the warehouse, to tell her everything. If this was his con alone, he’d do it in a heartbeat. But too much was a stake here, too many of his friends were depending on him. They were already on shaky ground considering Liam’s focus on Belle, Killian couldn't add more complications to the mix.

Still, he couldn’t leave without letting her know the type of man she was dealing with. “I know Gold. He’s dangerous. He doesn’t play fair.”

She snorted, tilting her head to the side as she glared at him. “And you do?”

The barb hurt and he swallowed around the lump in his throat. “I have a code, believe it or not.”

“I don’t need a code. I need answers,” she whispered and her confession shook them both. Emma’s eyes widened and she tried to move away from him, but Killian grabbed her elbow and pulled her to him.

“What is it that you're after?” His eyes bored into her, studying her face for any hint of what was really going on. “It can be just the job, not really. Gold pays well, but nothing that you cannot make elsewhere.”

“I don't have that many options left with my reputation ruined, remember?”

“Bullshit. You’ve been highly rewarded for your work.” He regretted the words as soon as he said them. He should learn to keep his own damn mouth shut.

“Keeping tabs on me, huh?”

He ignored her question, his mind focused on one thing and one thing only. It was clear that when he walked out of that room on her, there had been more than her job at stake.

“What was it? What did I cost you, Emma?”

Her face was a blank mask, her eyes avoiding his. “Wouldn't you like to know”

He reached out, caressing his thumb along her cheek. He kept his next words quiet, the desperate plea in them clear. “Please, love, tell me… I need to know.”

She gave him one last assessing look before she pulled away. “Goodbye, Killian.”

He took a breath and let her walk away. When she was finally out of his line of sight, he closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the wall, his heart beating frantically in his chest.

Whatever it was that Emma Swan was looking, whatever it was that made striking a deal with Gold worth it, he was going to find out.

And he was going to do everything he could to deliver it to her.

/-/

After another night spent with rum and restless dreams, Killian stood at the entrance of the warehouse, willing the pounding in his head to pass. He closed his eyes and sank against the exterior wall as he pressed a bottle of cold water against his temple.

The sound of car tires on gravel had him open one eye and face the glaring morning sunlight again. He turned just as a taxi pulled around the curve and LJ got out. His leather jacket was draped over one arm and he carried a cardboard tray with a few paper cups on his free hand. His hair damp and disheveled, shirt wrinkled, and that spring in his step could only mean one thing.

“You look like you had a good time,” Killian said as LJ handed him one of the cups. The welcome scent of steaming coffee filled his senses and Killian discarded the water bottle, taking a long, slow sip of the warm beverage. It tasted burnt and bitter, making him regret all his life choices - especially this one - while he pondered how his brother could even drink this.

LJ left the rest of the tray on a nearby bench and took a sip of his coffee, his wicked smile and glinting eyes a silent answer to Killian’s comment. “You still look to be in one piece…” He twitched one side of his mouth, making a show of checking for wounds. “I thought I was going to get a call in the middle of the night and have to go pick you up at the police station.”

“I would have never dared to interrupt your much needed getting laid-time, little brother. I would have called Smee.” Killian lifted one shoulder as he ventured one more sip of the coffee. Yup, still terrible. “Besides, she doesn’t have anything on me.”

“She has you by the balls, but please, by all means, keep deluding yourself.”

Killian chuckled, tossing the poor excuse for a coffee in the trash bin. “Next time, unless it’s done by a proper barista with freshly ground coffee beans and a espresso machine, bring me tea, LJ.”

“Like you wouldn’t find a fault in any poorly steeped tea too, brother.”

Touché. Killian placed two fingers over his heart, a part of him grateful that LJ had gotten to know that side of him.

“Come on,” LJ called as he picked up the tray and tilted his head towards the front door. “Henry's cocoa is getting cold and the poor lad needs his sugar to function properly.”

He smirked as he passed LJ and opened the door and held it for him. “You two seem to be getting along well.”

LJ shrugged. “He's cool and honestly, I feel a lot more comfortable around him than some of the others. He hasn't been in the business much…”

The meaning behind the words was clear. “So anything related to the Jones name doesn't mean much to him.”

LJ gave him a shy smile. “Yeah, that's a perk.”

Killian placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “It's good to make friends, good friends, early in your career. People you can trust.” He looked at him and a wave of sympathy flooded him. He wanted to be that for his brother so desperately, as Liam had been for him. And yet, he understood more than anyone the need to shine for yourself, outside your family name. “You don't have to do everything alone.”

“I know… is that Smee for you?”

“Aye.”

Henry made his way towards them, his eyes almost rolling at the back of his head. “Finally, man.” He reached for the cup that LJ handed to him and took a long sip. His eyes closed, he sighed in contentment. “You even remember the cinnamon”.

Killian cocked an eyebrow, some memory poking at the back of his mind that he couldn’t place. “Cinnamon?”

LJ lifted a shoulder carelessly as he finished his coffee and tossed the cup in a nearby trash bin. “Yeah, the kid has weird taste.”

Henry gave him a challenging look. “Who are you calling weird, you nimble fingered freak?”

LJ gave him a cheesy smile, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at Henry. “Careful with the whipped cream there, Henry. We don't want you to put on weight and miss your acrobatic stunt mark over there. A lot is a stake here, maybe I should switch you to skim milk.”

Henry tossed his finished drink, puffing out his chest in his best in his best impression of a face-off. “Please, that'll never happen.” He opened his arms with an arrogant smile. “I'm too good for this.”

LJ grabbed his wallet from his back pocket and took out a bill. “Prove it, fly boy. I have a twenty that says you can’t make that jump.”

“You’re on.”

/-/

It took less than thirty minutes to set up the recreation of what would happen in the vault in a few days. Henry gave LJ a self-satisfied smile as he climbed into the cash cart.

Everyone gathered around and Killian figured it was as good a time as any to do a run-down of the operation. The rest of them might as well benefit from the bet Henry and LJ had going on.

“Alright, here’s the rundown. On the night of the fight, Poseidon’s package will arrive at the casino at 7:15. From there, LJ needs to work his magic, get the codes we need to access the elevator. At 7:30, Ariel and Eric will work their own magic and get the cart delivered, with Henry inside, into the vault. At that point we’re all in.” He paused and glanced around the room. “All-in. We can’t back up, we can’t screw up, we can’t delay. Once the vault is closed, we have thirty minutes before he suffocates.”

“Gee, you better not fuck it up, guys, or I swear I’ll haunt you from the underworld.” Henry waved as they closed the lid and Ariel and Eric rolled the cart into the vault replica.

From the corner of his eye, Killian watched as Liam entered the warehouse, his hair in the same state of dishevel as LJ’s had been, the same spring in his step. Bloody arse. Liam stood next to him and watched intently as the action unfolded.

“When the power goes down, it means that all entries to the vault and the elevator are on lock down for two minutes. And that is when we strike.”

The lights in the vault dimmed and Henry pushed the false top of the cart open, slowly removing himself from his confines. “It is going to feel like I spent days in there,” he said as he positioned himself on top of the cart.

“Alright, flyboy,” LJ teased, “we’ve left you in the middle of the room, far away from everything. There are sensors on the floor, and you need to get from where you are to the door without activating any of them. What are you going to do, hotshot? I have twenty saying you can’t make it.”

“I have ten saying you can!” Smee called.

“You can do it, Henry! I have faith in you!” Ariel cheered, clapping her hands in excitement.

Liam’s mouth twisted into a grimace, making him look nauseated. “We should all maintain some professionalism in here, this is a serious operation.”

“They are young, Liam.” Killian shrugged, pointing at Henry with a twenty to show his support. “Especially Henry and LJ. Let them live a little.” He turned to face his brother and gave him a once over from head to toe. “Speaking of living a little, did you have a nice night?”

The tips of Liam’s ears turned pink and he shuffled his feet. “It’s not what you think.”

Killian gritted his teeth. “Please Liam, don’t insult my intelligence.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “As long as you promise me that you can handle it.”

“I can handle it,” Liam said quickly and Killian really wanted to believe his brother, but he wasn’t sure anymore.

Their conversation in a stale point, they both turned their attention at the scene in front of them. Henry closed his eyes, took a deep breath and positioned himself in a dead squat. From there he leapt, gracefully and hands first, from the cart to a ledge in one of the walls of the vault. Sitting there, he turned around and flipped off LJ. “Drinks on you tonight, loverboy.”

The rest of the crew clapped and boomed, with Nemo congratulating them all on a job well done.

“This is all well and good, but I’m sorry to say that we are fucked.”

Everyone turned to find Milah standing there, hair a mess, her blouse misbuttoned, and mascara running down her cheeks. There was decidedly no spring in her step and her face made it clear that whomever she picked up for the night hadn’t gotten the job done.

As if to confirm Killian’s assumption, she cocked an eyebrow. “And not in a good way.” She walked towards the nearest table, her high-heeled boots clicking against the tile floor and poured herself a drink. Tossing her head back, she finished off the drink in one go and poured herself another.

“Wow, Milah, slow down, it’s not even 10 am,” Killian cautioned, moving slowly towards her. He had a few choice barbs on the tip of his tongue, but though they had parted amicably and they were friendly with one another, there were certain lines a gentleman didn’t cross with someone he’d known in the biblical sense. This was one of those lines. He’d never made a comment on Milah’s hookups and he wasn’t going to start now, unless it meant problems for their operation. Taking one last step in her direction, he took the glass from her hand. “What are you talking about?”

She started to pace, speaking a mile a minute. “These idiots. It’s a universal truth that you can count on electricity companies to be the most inefficient people ever, but no… we had to hit the jackpot of the only capable ones! Who would have thought that they would do a fucking routine inspection and took notice of the fact that you can blow up their grid lines one by one like dominoes?”

There was silence as she continued to move back and forth across the room, until Nemo shot Smee a questioning look. “Do you understand what she’s talking about?”

“Some, it seems that we will be having troubles with the planned power blow up.”

“Exactly right, my friend,” Milah agreed, jabbing her finger at Smee, the open, loose sleeve of her chiffon blouse billowing around her elbow in added emphasis. “They figured out their weakness and now they are fixing it. Like I said, we’re fucked.”

Liam scrunched his face in confusion. “Wait, how do you know all of this?”

She spun and raised an eyebrow at Liam, leaving Killian feeling oddly grateful to not have that level of fury directed at him. “Where exactly do you think I was last night? Or any of the other nights?”

Liam’s cheeks flushed. “I just thought...”

She groaned in frustration. “Oh, for crying out loud! Just because you’re all terrible horn dogs doesn’t mean I am. I’ve been trailing some of the electricity engineers and technical operators. And yes, last night I actually had to sleep with one of them so I could hack into their work orders. Which is how I know about this entire thing.”

Every last person in the room had the grace to look sheepish, but none of them dared to speak up. It was Nemo who finally ventured to break the silence. “Milah, we-”

Milah waved him off. “Yeah, you can all apologize to me later, after we figure out what the hell we’re going to do if we still want to pull this job.”

Eric turned to look at Liam. “What about-”

But Ariel interrupted him, patting his hand and shaking her head. “Not enough time.”

And that was the crux of it. There was not enough time to do a bloody thing. Coming this close to the job, being able to taste it and feel it brush against their fingertips, only to have it ripped away at the very last minute. Killian wanted to smash the entire fake vault, anything to break the sense that it was standing there mocking him.

“Unless it’s a pinch.”

All eyes turned back to Milah, who was now perched over the edge of the table, nursing a third drink.

“A what now?” Henry asked.

Milah took a sip of her drink. “It’s like a heart attack for any broadband electrical circuitry.”

Killian glanced around the room, wondering if that made any bloody sense to anyone else. Given their blank expressions, he was going with nope. Sighing deeply, Milah looked at Smee. “Can you take this one? I’m knackered and I don’t have it in me.”

Smee smiled and cleared his throat. “A pinch is an electromagnetic pulse that can shut down any power source in its vicinity. Bombs do it, but it usually goes unnoticed because of the amount of destruction that usually follows.”

“So this pinch,” Nemo asked, taking charge of the scene in a way he only knew, “could take out the power of Vegas?” Milah nodded. “For how long?”

“About thirty seconds.”

Nemo’s face twisted. “That’ll do.”

“There. Is. Only. One. Little. Tiny. Problem,” Milah punctuated each word by swaying her glass back and forth before swallowing the remainder in one gulp. “There is only one pinch in the world big enough to do this, and it sure as shit ain’t here in Vegas.”

Cold sweat ran down Killian’s neck. “Please tell me it’s in a place that is currently going through a cold wave with snow storms and high winds.”

Milah gave him an apologetic smile. “California.”

Oh for fuck’s sake. “I’m not going.”

“Killian-” Liam started but Killian was not having it.

Pulling Liam to the side, he met his brother’s eyes. “Nope. Take LJ and Henry with you. Those two are going to be better at this than me. I’m going to stay here. Smee and I have to work on the final details of the plan anyway.” He left it unsaid that he was going to have Smee look into Emma’s past and figure out what it was she was looking for. But his brother didn’t need to know that. Not now. They were already working on two fronts, he didn’t need for anyone to know he was adding a third. He could handle this. Besides, it would be good for LJ and Liam to bond a little.

“You sure about LJ? He seems green,” Liam asked, his eyes shifting to where their brother was talking with Nemo and Henry.

If you spent more time talking with him than seducing your ex-wife, maybe you wouldn’t think that. Killian shook his head as he let the thought pass. “Liam, I trust him, and you should too. We brought him here to be part of the family, didn’t we? Then let him take part in it.”

“You’re right.” Liam stepped away and moved to gather Milah, LJ, Henry, Ariel and Eric, readying them to plan their next moves and set them into motion.

With their attention focused elsewhere, Killian knew it was the perfect time to put his own plan into motion. “Smee,” he called over his friend, “I need you to look into something for me.” He pulled his phone and showed Smee a picture of Emma and Gold.

Smee’s face turned pale and before he could say anything, Killian cut him off. “Aye, it’s her and she’s here working for Gold. She’s looking for something and I need to know what that is.” He tried to hide the desperation in his voice but failed in the end, his voice cracking.

“I’ll look into it,” Smee vowed solemnly and Killian felt a lump form in his throat at his friend’s loyalty.

“Thank you, mate.”

Smee moved towards his data room, ready to work his magic and Killian turned around to assess the room. Liam and LJ were having a conversation and Killian left them, for once, to work their own relationship out. If nothing else came out of this, at least they could all be a family in the end. He spotted Henry at the side of the room, still assessing the vault and doing a slow-motion rehearsal of his moves.

“Henry! Listen, take care of yourself out there.” Killian placed his hand on Henry’s shoulder. “And take care of the others. You’ll be trapped between an obnoxious couple and a family feud, sorry about that. Just keep your head in the game. Someone other than Milah has to.”

Henry chuckled. “I will, Killian, you don’t need to worry about me. I’m not a kid.”

Killian’s heart grew two sizes in his chest. “Yes, you are. You can lie to those goody two shoes that had you at the circus, and you can even lie to yourself if you want, but you can’t lie to me, boy.” He gave the lad a reassuring smile. “The reasons for your secrets are your own and I’ll respect that, but you’re a part of us now, just as much as LJ is. We take care of our own.”

From the way Henry swallowed and how his eyes locked with Killian’s for a brief minute, his want to believe read clearly on his face. But as quickly as it came, his face shifted back to neutral, his hard armor sliding back into place. “I’m tougher than I look. I won’t break.” Yet again Killian cursed every single foster parent that had beaten the sense of love and family out of this kid. But, he reminded himself, one thing at the time.

“I know.” He patted Henry’s cheek. “Still, be careful, lad.”

He watched Henry leave and decided he’d had enough emotions for the day. It wasn’t even noon. He needed a drink. He was pouring himself a healthy dose of rum when he heard Milah’s voice call from behind him.

“Killian Jones, the overprotective brother. I thought that was Liam’s role.”

He took a sip of his drink, enjoying the slide of the liquid fire down his throat. “It seems I’ve taken a page from his book.”

He passed the drink to her and she took a sip. “Do I get the “you’re family to me” speech too?”

Killian’s eyes softened, his muscles sore from too many nights with little sleep. “You know you are. You wouldn’t be here with us if we didn’t feel like family to you too.” He reached for her hand. “Take care of them, Milah. Don’t let them do anything foolish.”

She gave him a small smile. “I’ll try. But with two Joneses in the mix, I can’t make any promises.”

#csbb #sea squad #lenfaz fics #cs ff #captain swan

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killapunk · 6 years ago

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the weirdest, NO, evilest, person i have every worked for

no real names are used in this piece. i refer to other weirdos and freaks throughout, sorry its a long read (i didnt intend for this) but its one of those things ya gotta settle into and believe me its a wild ride. this saga covers over three years of drama btw.

tw: mental health mentioned (inc panic attacks), chronic illness mentioned and mild sex references

i am going to single out jess. shes more evil than a weirdo but weirdo nonetheless. pete is a secondary weirdo in this saga.

i work in retail for a long time. a fashion store to be precise. i started out in one store but transferred when i started studying at uni and remained there for the majority of the retail career. during my time there i had three managers, the longest one, who is also a fucking weirdo was pete. now before i worked with pete, before he transferred to our store. i didnt like pete when i started working with him, he annoyed the fuck outta me. but my life circumstances changed and my mental health issues got very bad AND i was diagnosed with cfs so i had to disclose it w him. turns out… he was fucking mental too, very understanding, super chill. we liked the same shit. great boss. 11/10 every time.

he would be my reference for every job ever…

…but. he started gettin involved w jess. now to jess. the main character in this piece.

jess had started at the company around the same time as me and we were always on the same level until the last year or so. jess was a bit older than the average age of staff at the store (17-20) and was 23 when this drama started. she had a college diploma, went onto do something semi-successful but related to her HND. but blew all her money, moved back into her parents and started working at the store part time and then onto full time. she was like…the perfect retail girl? small, cute, slim, bubbly… always looked cool in her uniform. customers loved the fuck out of her.

jess had a bf when i first started and pete had a longstanding gf. jess and her bf ended things abt 4 or 5 months before pete and his gf. but i remember they started gettin cushy around about this time. im not sure if its cos im v sympathetic towards pete (a true kind soul who i hold v dearly in my heart) but even tho youd be thinking ‘boss abuses his power’ …jess was and still is fuckin manipulative and he has longstanding mental health issues and i just think she sorta got the ball rollin’. pete and his gf didn’t seem on good terms, i dunno the full story but it seemed like they should have broken a long time before the did.

i think the fortnight before pete and his gf broke up they were spotted hanging out together near where she lived. it was this hush hush thing that everyone giggled abt cos there was at the time talk they were fuckin. when it got out, after his breakup jess said she was ‘just being a friend’ cos he was ‘going through a tough time’.

jess got promoted to keyholder even though she didnt really (at the time) have the skills or confidence to be a keyholder. and then she started to try and fuckin control the work. back during this time, everyone who worked at the store, minus literally 3 people, had worked for the company for at least a year. the store ran very well, we were always in profit. nothing went wrong. but. she started changing processes because it 'made things easier when she was opening’. like. she made everyone tally the amount of people they served in the fitting room in one box and tally the amount of things people left behind so she could make a sales chart. idk if that’s normal in other stores but like? it was just nuts and impossible to do.we always put deliveries away out the package but not folded in a particular way. she made everyone tag and (where relevant) hang items bc she had to pick everything in the morning.

she became friends w most of the girls, including one of the supervisors. they ruled the workplace. it was a total gossip mill. she gaslit the fuck outta people. one already less-popular girl at work ended up quitting cos she kept blaming her for fuck ups, she kept getting write ups and it was impating her mental health. she spun people against her. less popular girl spoke up and called her a bully and jess acted all defensive and said she wasn’t a bully bc shed been bullied before? jess continued to fuck up the workplace. next she turned on two people in her own clique. one tbh, i think she was jealous of bc jess had always wanted to be a teacher and this gal was training to be one. the other girl was v like jess, just not a bitch… strongwilled, liked control. anyway, drama got to the point where they had to quit. waay too much drama for this textpost. at this point others started to notice n work became hostile. jess moved her girlgang clique to one of the original clique girls, a different supervisor and the other two full time staff members.

pete obv didn’t listen to people coming to him, as store manager being like… hey… there’s this major clique problem and he’d be like ‘nah everyone is just friends, jess is a bit insecure but yno things are good, people quit, its just retail. fuck it.’ jess accused everyone who didn’t get on w her as being a terrible person. those legit words. like. if someone said it was a shame x, y or z left shed rebut, nah they were shit at their job, they were a shit person. honestly. EVERYONE. was a bad person. even the nicest people in the world were the worst person, the worst at the job. she was a good person, she liked the good people. she HAD BEEN BULLIED AND WOULD NEVER BULLY. she threw the anxiety word around a lot.

once we had a staff night out and i got left alone with jess and pete at the end of the night in this terrible lil bar as i waited for someone to pick me up. this is a good point to mention jess was always weirdly jealous cos i was close to pete. fucking ridic considering he was 14 years older than me and you know my fucking boss??? this night, i was sitting right next to pete, we were both drinking, jess wasn’t (cos she likes to be in control, she even said it), he had his arm around me and was whispering something into my ear that was such a non-thing i don’t even remember. she got her phone out, started texting. he excused himself and when he returned he sat beside her. it was fucking nuts. i couldn’t believe my eyes. we had to basically carry pete out of the bar. jess said to me she was gonna drive him home cos it was on the way to hers (spoiler! it was not!). myself and pete did the open the next day. he came in wearing the same clothes. i mean, he could have just passed out and had to rush to work when he woke up. but. this guy went out a lot. he never repeated an outfit. i think jess took advantage of a very drunk him. similarly, on another night out, jess promised to drive someone home. said person got too drunk and thew up. jess refused to take them home and called them embarrassing, she gave the space in her car to pete.

i had a major bad evening shift at work concerning another staff member, kaylee. a gal who just rubbed me up the wrong way, and who didn’t like me. ill never know why but it was just one of those things where anytime i was on shift w her she would nitpick and bitch about me and just… make me feel not v good. she was possibly the laziest and rudest person i had ever worked with but someone got away with it?

i used her as a way to talk to pete about the general problems in the store (jess). and…it was fuckin surreal. i told him abt kaylee. i told him i thought jess was controlling but kinda laid off a bit like ‘i get she thinks shes doing it for good’ etc. i padded it out w a few other rly petty issues abt the store. i was actually really upset, kinda numb from life to properly let out my emotions. and then. he started cry on me. like this full-on grown man having a panic attack in front of me when i was 19, fucked on diazepam i should have never been prescribed. to this day i visualise it. me and pete were v close at this point, and like, he didn’t mention jess too much – asked me about the other girl and other issues when i came to him. we spoke about personal shit, all but jess. i kinda wonder if he didn’t have the panic attack if i would have told him his under the radar relationship w her was not on?

and then. pete sold me out in the name of jess. idk the full ins and outta everything but he had to confront the drama once and for all cos our figures were so low so he decided to blame it all on kaylee. from my understanding of the situ from a lot of ‘he said she said’ bs, pete had this big meeting w kaylee. was like. 1. do ur job right and 2. stop being rude and unapproachable. the thing is, although kaylee is rude shes one of these ppl who most ppl really liked, not in a jess/regina george theyre scared of you way but…like they thought she was a tv character and she was funny and honest. so i think she confronted some obvious allies, and jess told her, according to another staff member, that i complained about her. after hearing this i obvious went to pete and tbh, acted pretty dramatic (cos if you haven’t fucking learned already THIS STORE WAS FULL OF DRAMA QUEENS). as soon as i heard, i started texting him angrily on his day off. i remember folding something in the fitting rooms and he came up to give me a hug and i was like ‘HOW FUCKING DARE YOU TELL OTHER PEOPLE MY BUSINESS’. i confronted jess, in a lighter tone, cos i obv told pete (half) what i felt about her. jess played the fucking innocent role. like, she said something along the lines of ‘we’re both close to pete n he was so worried that when me, you and kaylee did those shifts together that something would go wrong. so he told me to keep an eye on things and that’s all i told kaylee cos she wasn’t sure why she was being targeted when so many people in this store are treating people badly. i didn’t say you reported her or anything, honestly!!!!’ queue more bs.

after this, jess didn’t bother with me but was never explicit about hating me. if there was a convo going on and i tried to join in she scolded at me for being nosey. if i was unwell (i have cfs) shed moan ‘jokingly’ that i always had to be ill. i think she ripped on me once cos i said i was late for a hand-in at uni.

her next real victim, however, was jack, my best friend in store and our supervisor. jack was getting fucked over in his supervisor role bc pete would schedule jess for anything managerial. jess started a rumour that pete didn’t trust jack bc jack fucked it at a meeting w the other stores (semi true but fucking up a meeting isn’t the end of the world). like. anything jack would be, jess would be on him. by this point 50% of the staff that were around at the start of the story HAD LEFT. jess had driven people out and had the new ones all up her arse.

pete quit. it was sudden.

not long later, facebook popped up with a fuckin ‘pete is in a relationship with jess’ status and pete has never spoken to me again. i left shortly after that, although our new manager was lovely i felt like i was working for jess.

jack ended up GETTING DEMOTED, by petes replacement who had no idea what a shitstorm she was getting herself into. the new manager PROMOTED jess and demoted jack bc she was doing all the supervisor jobs whilst jack was only doing midshifts. he didnt get shafted to the lowest pay and was instead given the title ‘trainer and authorised opener/closer’ whilst still doing the same fucking job. he transferred out, cos that shit is fucking degrading and within, like two months he was put back up his rightful position. yay for my forever work bestie. I

feel like this has been going on for too long now. i think this doesn’t do her justice. like…i cant believe someone who is NOW 26 and who got what she wanted after manipulating a mentally ill man caused so much drama and pain and tension in a fucking clothes store.

fucking horrid. im reading this completely exhausted and so i cant say much but i just feel like these people are always the ones who come out on top, and its so fucked up. im really sorry you had to deal with so many unpleasant people, and your friend as well.

i swear mediocrity and asskissing is what gets you anywhere in this world, and manipulative cunts like this jess woman take full advantage of that. it’s pretty scary, honestly. amazing how far drama can go, huh. this is why i have trust issues.

i still hope she gets her ass kicked by life, though. there has to be some sort of karmic justice somewhere

i also feel like i should say that there’s always going to be people who won’t like you for some reason. even if you don’t do anything wrong and even though everyone else thinks they’re great. no idea why this happens, but all i can say is there’s really nothing you can do. so FUCK EM (in the most metaphorical sense as they don’t deserve you giving them the time of day)

#manipulation #story sharing #submission

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exquisitelyeco · 6 years ago

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What Armour??.?

I don’t know about you. But Ephesians 6 has really had me confused, as well as a sight of hilariousness …new word….. meaning VERY amusing to the point of literally weeping……in heaven. Everyday…..well….not quite, literally physically pretending to put on the spiritual armour that Paul goes on about in Ephesians 6. Picking up the imaginary helmet and putting it on my head……etc.

And it meant nothing really. I didn’t have a blasted clue! Putting imaginary gear and believing that I was protected! And the bit, ‘For we struggle not against flesh and blood,……in verse 12! Whaaaat? Flesh and blood??! Why not just say human beings??? Now if I can’t see it, I don’t get it. Sorry. But I find that hard. I imagine demons as ghostly things, floating around venomously, whilst I wear this imaginary armour and worry about arrows being shot in my bottom where there isn’t any! Did you notice that? No trousers. So ones behind is rather vulnerable….

And I truly believed doing this worked. I thank God He makes us stand! Romans 14v4. Although I think He looked at me and said ‘Oh dear!’ you know the one……Any of you have kids? You are trying not to smile, but it’s so funny you have to go out of the room…..

When I was teaching, as a TA, I had to mark some year 2 spellings. The wee lambs had to spell the work ‘can’t’. Many of them had spelled it cunt……I was in bits. Thankfully the class didn’t notice…..I think God falls about laughing at some of the things I did and still do, trying to work it all out. But you know what? Just like we get Soooooo excited when our baby stands up or takes their first step, and tell EVERYBODY , I think He does that too! Look at Nic! I know her armour is a bit wonky, but LOOK! She’s trying to toddle, my baby girlie! Ahhhh…..I’m glad I gave her those angels though…..she REALLY needs ’em!

So. Back to this chapter. I bet even the poor Ephesians did what I did. Old Paul made it complicated. Why not make it plain? Have you noticed, the pastors say stuff and your left thinking ‘eh?’ I think I get it….or if your like me, thinking you HAVE got it. I will tell you a wee story, and you are NOT to laugh…My lady pastor, Susan, did a preach on forgiveness. And how damage happens to us if we do not eventually get to that place……of forgiveness that is……And she was talking about this damage and she said, about finding your keys to healing. So poor old me goes around for 10 YEARS thinking I had a key buried in my brain somewhere……until in another preach, she put it like this……..’ finding keys LIKE forgiveness’ and I went ‘Ohhhhhhhhhh! NOW I get it!’

A digression, I had my ex husband 1 in stitches thinking that petrol stations sucked petrol from streams deep in the earth…….I can be a bit like that……Or when I said to my sister, ‘That’s not a very nice name for pies, Puke-er pie’ , cos I did’nt know how to pronounce Pukka…..she nearly had a heart attack laughing….

So here I was, day after day, putting on imaginary armour, literally. Picking up a ‘imagined’ helmet and using my hands to stick it on my head etc. I was so worried about my bottom! I imagined extra armour……I kid you not…..

Hey! If the shoes WERE literal, could you wear high heels? I’ll stop now….

And it suddenly occurred to me just TODAY, as I sit here reading it, what it meant! AH HA! 30years and she gets it! O my goodness THIRTY years? I’m getting on! Anyway, cos I have had this AMAZING revelation I thought I’d share it with you!

I feel like a learned and holy guru right now…..smug and HUGE! Ahhhhh! Remember Nebechednezzer, Nick, concrete feet……

So.

Also, the bit about it’s not a flesh and blood struggle, flesh and blood – meaning humans. I’ll explain that first, cos it comes first! Flesh and blood. And Paul makes it clear that is NOT what we are fighting against. Neither does it mean going to the butcher shop. It means what is IN us. What our drives, or issues or besetting sins are, or in very plain English, what things we do that make us a pain in the arse to others and ourselves. The things we do that cause hurt and pain.

All sin hurts. And it’s THAT, that comes OUT of us. That is what Paul means. Out of the heart comes all evil. Matthew 15v19, Mark 7 v21. How do these things start? In our thoughts. We get them in, and if we KEEP listening to them, they grow in power. And eventually, if we do not deal with ’em, we act on them. They are first and foremost. Satan? Read my post on for the love of Lucifer. He actually comes last. Truly. We give him far to much attention.

Most of the stuff that sets us up to fall is in ourselves. Our pet hates, prides, lusts, damages etc. Like gossiping, swearing, sleeping around, bullying/bullied, lying, watching porn. Being petty. Then the heavier, murder, rape, burglary. All things that can totally destroy us and cause us to do things and act in ways that put God out of the centre of our attention and the sin in it.

Sin starts SPIRITUALLY (in the heart) but has PHYSICAL consequences, (ending in eternal death, if not sorted) is a good way of seeing it.

But also. Rulers of the darkness of the Age. Satan has Sergeants and Lieutenants, just like any army. Some have a little power, like over a shop or town, some have more, like a county or country. (Daniel 10v13)

Basically, these guys are like soldiers. They seek to detain and stop angels, like in the verse from Daniel, (mentioned above) from reaching Gods people and answering our prayers and aiding, or helping us. They also draw in and enslave people to keep them in darkness and their faces and hearts in chains, away from God. Porn is a very powerful weapon the enemy uses. It is like an addiction, and because the person often feels ashamed and hides it, it gives it more power. Always remember, secrecy is one of Satan’s and Sins most powerful weapons, hence, James 5v16. Confession merely means talking it out. Saying aloud what you have done or are struggling with. It breaks its power. It is not done to shame but to heal. Remember, there is now NO condemnation for us in Christ Jesus. Romans 8v1. Jesus knows we all have crap to sort out still. So don’t sweat the small stuff.

It is ultimately an illusion to think we can hide anything. Because in fact, according to God, the opposite will be true and will happen.Luke 12v 3 makes this very clear. Now you would think, Hey! God knows everything! He knows what I’m doing, so why the need to say it?! Yup. He does. But remember. God is about relationship, not principles. The principle states ‘God knows everything’ relationship states ‘Come and talk to me.’ As I have said before, God makes it clear, not only can we talk to Him and find mercy, never condemnation, Matthew 12v7,John 3v17, that we can actually argue with Him AND change His mind! Isaiah 43v26. The book of Jonah is a clear case of God changing His mind. Nineveh repented. God changed His mind and did not destroy them as He planned to do. The same as He did when He chose to save Noah and not wipe out every human as He intended. Genesis 6v7. Remember that! We can always talk to God.

He truly is a parent, a good parent. And like any good parent can be reasoned with, but for our best may not always agree with our argument. And now we get to the best bit. Our armour!

What truths did I glean? What facets did I see? Well, not a blasted imaginary helmet, I can tell you! Or a pair of iron pants!

First the pants. And no. There ain’t any! Literally and figuratively speaking…..Our bottoms are behind us. Yup. I KNOW that is obvious. But it goes deeper. A soldier does not face behind. They face in front. And as long as they are facing the right way, their bum is covered. So when we turn around, our bottom is a target for the enemy. So make sure you face God. Bit back to front, I know. But that’s the way it makes sense. To me at least. If you lose focus, the enemy is right up your arse in a matter of splitteth……..New word, meaning so damn quick, don’t do it, seconds!

The helmet. Which is our thinking! Paul tells us that we need to renew our minds which means changing our thinking. Changing it to what God says, not what the world says.Romans 12v2. So if you, like me, have lies you listen too, like ‘I’m stupid,’ or ‘I hate myself’ or ‘ I’m ugly’ or ‘ I’m a failure ‘ or ‘ I can do this on my OWN’ change that thinking. Cos that, my dearest, dearest beloveds, is Satan’s thinking. He loves us to have those little phrases. And another thing we do, thinking we are right and no body else is. And that’s butt talk. Literally. Pride cometh before a fall, or in the way I described it earlier, a boot up your arse, which will have you flat on your face in the shit. Don’t do it. By shit I mean your open to being deceived because of your pride. We can only hear God if we are in humility. We cannot hear Him if we have pride. Cos we have ear phones on. With ‘I’m the greatest, I am, I am!’ Playing. Remember who I AM is. Cos it ain’t us.

What is humility? Being open to finding you are wrong. And saying you are sorry, confessing it and changing it. And we can be proud about anything. Our interpretation of scripture, our own church and its doctrine, etc. I talk about unrighteousness pride here. That refuses to believe anyone else could be right. Of course you can be righteously proud of being part of a church! Just remember, your church can make mistakes and can get it wrong! And that your little denomination is part of the BODY of Christ and not a little hand or finger crawling along alone! You will die that way as you have no blood supply……

How do you know? If you are being humble that is………By being truthful about yourself and those around you. For example: Do you harbour anger or pain? If so, have you dealt with it? If not, you is open to being deceived. See my post about Ananias and Sapphira and the gift of discernment, should you want too. I go into much more detail.

The breastplate of righteousness. Guarding your heart. And what is in it. Being in right standing with God. Keeping short account of your sin. Or to put it another way, don’t let anything fester too long. Jesus told us, do not let the sun go down on your anger, cos if you do you give Satan a foot hold. Ephesians 4v26, sorry it was Paul. But I’m sure he heard it in good authority……God gives us a whole day to be pissed off. Sort it ‘afore bedtime! If you forget, or have issues with anger, be truthful and open. That way God can help you and you do not hinder yourself, or give the enemy more to work with than he already has!

Righteousness is us acting like Jesus as much as we can and letting the Holy Spirit work in us, by being open to change if we see we need too, or if somebody else helps us to see we need too. If it’s someone else, make sure you take it to God, and somebody you trust first. Not somebody that always agrees with you, but somebody who has the gift of discernment and is truthful. If you take it to somebody who always agrees with you, you could find you are both deceived cos you both feel the same way about not wanting to listen!

Belt of truth speaks for its self. Well it does now…..be open….to correction and truth. Do not tell lies. Do not listen to lies….like the friend who agrees with you cos you both like to gossip about one particular person all the time, for example. Or you both hate one church, cos your still pissed at how you were treated there and you know they don’t like that church either……always take truth you think is truth to God and be open for His interpretations, not just those of your pastor or the religious TV. Remember, Gods ways are NOT our ways, or possibly our pastors and friends……Isaiah 55v8-9. Ultimately we are ALL chosen AND redeemed because God said so. Not us. Even His grace in giving us the actual trust we have IN Him! Not even that comes from us! ( Ephesians 2v8) So God does what HE wants! Not us! Read my testimony of ‘ A God outside the box, A story of personal redemption’ if you dare. And I mean it. I’ll piss you off and drop a hint. God gave me my son when I was having an affair. Simple. Read it. It’s not blasphemy. It shows how God is not like we think He is. Honestly. Hold God’s hand and read it. Then if you disagree, that’s fine. But I tell you that is what happened.

Shoes of the gospel of peace. Literally, where ever you walk, where ever your feet stop, don’t gossip or slag down other churches or people. We are all Gods children and need to be one body, not like fingers and toes fighting each other! Romans 12v5. Learn to discern Gods body. And to do that, you need the belt of truth and breast plate of righteousness. Or in another’s famous words ‘ Know thy self’ cos if you don’t, you can be sure Satan does. And he will use it. So where ever you go do not slander. Do not profane or swear. I do. I have to keep saying sorry.

Make sure what come out of your mouth, where ever you are honours others and God. If you have an issue, only share it with someone who discerns. If you must talk to your friends about it, Deal with the anger and hate first! And say it in such a away you are not spreading dissention and poison, but just saying how it was. Don’t encourage gossip and backstabbing of another person or church. Remember, not only will we be judged by what we say, we will be judged by every careless word that comes out of our mouth. Matthew 12v36-37. If you know it will hurt, shut your gob! Unless it’s done in love. And humbly, cos if it ain’t, you is in danger of falling. Galatians 6v1. The same goes for all non Christians you know. If it ain’t nice, keep it to YOURSELF! We are to be God’s light and love, not spite and gossip and nastiness. What kind of Christ are we representing if we behave like that?

The shield of faith? That is merely the words that come out of our mouths. What does the bible say? Faith comes by HEARING, and hearing by the word of God! Romans 10v17. Also, Life and death is in the power of the tongue. Proverbs 18v21. Jesus said, ‘Tell the mountain to go into the sea! And if you believe it will’ Mark 1v23. It’s so obvious! How did God start? He SPOKE! ‘Light’ and there was light. Genesis 1v3. But it comes in two bits, not only must we speak it. We must trust it will happen. That is what believing is. That is what it meant when Paul talked about Faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of what we do not yet see. Hebrews 11v1. All that means is this. I’ll give you example. You have longed for a weekend away. Your partner has promised it. You KNOW it will happen cos he said he has sorted it, but you have not done it yet and he has kept the date a secret!

Think as God is that partner! You have made your request. And if it is in accordance to Gods will, for example, not out of selfishness or greed or envy, then you know He will do it. But God does not normally tell us when! That is faith. Trusting God for your ask! ASK Him, then TRUST Him to do it!

Really! These people who translate bibles! They don’t half make it complicated, don’t you think? Thank God the Source Himself is a Good Teacher. Thanks, God! I bet He don’t stand in a blasted pulpit. That’s half the blasted problem……If you’d just GET DOWN……

The verse goes on to say, about the shield of faith quenches all the fiery darts of the enemy. Ephesians 6v16. The bible tells us our mind is the devils play ground. Philippians 4 v8-20. So we are back to those thoughts! CHANGE bad thinking! Undo bad habits! Like smoking, being drunk, sleeping around. All things that give Satan a way in to hurting us. Know the bible! Satan does! And He uses it. That is why so many Christians backstab others. Because they have pride in the fact ‘their’ interpretation of the bible is correct and everyone else’s is cultish! You give the old dragon some ammo if you do that!

The bible CLEARLY states we DO NOT know God’s ways OR His thoughts! Isaiah 55v8-9. 1 Corinthians 13v12. Not only are His ways and thoughts unknown to us, they are so high we can NEVER fathom or work them out! Hence my testimony I mentioned earlier. God is NOT who we think He is! And as the bible IS JESUS, because Jesus IS literally the WORD, get used to surprises. Cos if you don’t, I am warning you now, you could be in for trouble! Stop thinking you or your pastor know it all. Cos none of us does. Not even Paul did. That is what he wrote 1 Corinthians 13v12!

So be open to change. Learn to discern, which means to recognise Gods voice and ways. Know the enemy, also means yourself! This life is a fight. Romans 7v15-20. Don’t be deceived. It ain’t all covered by blanket or conversion prayer, it’s growing up! Becoming a warrior in Christ’s army. Showing this world that Christ is and He has won their freedom and healing. Nowhere does it say it’s all done at conversion. It’s a battle. You WILL face trials and temptations 1 Peter 5v8, James 1v2, John 16v33. So these preachers who say otherwise, talk BOLLOCKS! This life is a fight, hence the blasted armour!!

So don’t be afraid. Jesus has already won. But get that armour on and Stand. Which means wait. With that armour on. In battle mode. Ephesians 6 v 13 Cos it’s when we stand, that God looks down and says ‘BRILLIANT! Look guys! My Son/daughter, standing, armour on. And waiting for me. They don’t see Me coming yet, but they blasted well believe it. Ha ha! That’s my son/daughter. Now let’s go kick Satan’s arse!’

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justwenchthings · 6 years ago

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started off as a post about graduating soon...

wow... i can’t believe school is ending soon. like ending ending. i have completed the required schooling that is socially acceptable lol. buttt i do want to go to grad school. senior 2 has been different... in a good way i guess. capstone is pretty good. i’m learning a lot and my preceptor is really cool. but i think wanting to do well in capstone, school ending soon, and having to find a real job are all making me really anxious. like my anxiety has shot through the roof this year lol. i recently got a 10:1 CBD oil pod so i hope that is helpful. steering clear from THC for a while to see if that helps with my acne lol.

other than school, life is just.. you know, life. kind of sad because Bryce, a kid from via west (summer camp), passed away. he was such a cute kid... super fucking stubborn when it came to taking his medications but he was a gem. rest easy Bryce.

Work is cool. I like 95% of my co-workers which is pretty damn good haha. i’m excited to work during the summer because we will get a lot more kids and work with eachother more often.

fitness is not so good. i have a really bad relationship with food and my motivation behind wanting to get fit has not always been right. so i got to find the right motivation but it’s just been on the back burner lol.

friendships are good. didn’t really hang out with a lot of people but i don’t really care about that lol. i only need to hang out with my close friends, which i have been doing. <3

and my “love” life is just sad LOL. It’s just so fucking hard getting over someone who I KNOW is not good for me. but idk, i like this person so so much and i honestly don’t even know why. the first time i ever laid eyes on him, i swear there were motherfucking fireworks. like i know im so dramatic but that’s hoenstly how i felt. like even when i was with my ex, i would think about him. when i first met him IRL, we talked the whole night. i fucking wanted to go to an athlete awards ceremony as an excuse to see him IRL. I would save pictures or take screenshots whenever my ex would send me a pic of the both of them or something idk. i know this sounds all bad but that’s just the attraction i had towards him from the beginning (i never cheated on my ex for the record. i admit i had guilty thoughts but i never acted on my thoughts!!). And at first, it was a physical attraction. i admit when i hit him up on ig, it was partially because i was actually interested in him but also i was doing something that my ex restricted me from doing lool like me being petty smh.

at first i was attracted to the idea of him but now... i am attracted attracted to him. hes funny, kind, sweet, caring, and so fucked up in the brain. i know i can tell him anything and he would not judge. also he knows me. i dont know how but he like... knows me. and i feel the same. i don’t like know details about him but i just know what kind of person he is. i dont know how i know but i just do.

holy fuck lol i feel so crazy even typing this all out right now but.. honestly YOLO lol

but ya... i can’t stop thinking about him. which is sad because he probably never thinks about me lol. i feel crazy because it’s like... i met this dude once IRL and i only started talking to him last october. but i honestly... i have the capacity and ability to, i think, love him ?? lol sounds crazy but true for me. and honestly i look like a fool. like im writing about this, think about him everyday, and i know that he doesn’t. like every song i listen to, i can relate back to him and its so annoying lol. also i cry just thinking about how he most probably does NOT like me like dude my heart feels like it’s ripping apart lool. so sad ! LOL

i want him but i also want to get over him and NEITHER ARE HAPPENING.

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midgetmeredith · 8 years ago

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enixamyram replied to your post: Do you hate miraxus bc lack of moments or bc it’s…

So, no joke. What moments have they actually had? I can only think of two. One where Laxus made Mira cry and where she called him heartless, and one where Mira spoke to him while he was unconscious (something I am sure Mira would do for any other friend if they were in the same situation).

Right? I know shipping is subjective, but those are hardly “moments”. Like I said in my other post, I was genuinely surprised that they were even a thing once I’d caught up with the manga and got into the fandom… I even tried to find some supposed “moments” under their Wikia page to justify them myself, but it was just scarce interaction (that I already knew of) with no romantic subtext; each synopsis was pretty much grasping for straws.

Sorry, I’ve received a fair few asks about this, so I’m just going to bang them all out in one go! ⚠️

Warning: As with my previous posts, the following is quite heavily ‘anti-Mir/axus’. 🚫

Side-note: @anons, a male and female character standing beside one-another or merely communicating doesn’t justify or validate a ship, nor does it provide a rational basis to them being romantic, you know? I mean, just please remember that (non-‘crack’) shipping primarily exists because (at least) one party’s affection is confirmed; they have emphatically expressed romantic interest in the other. In this case, Freed has canon-depicted feelings for Laxus. Whilst Laxus’ knowledge and possible requiting of them is indeed implicit; not yet confirmed but potentially implied (through moments alike to the other ships’), they are usually excused and demeaned... Like, isn’t it odd how a male and female can have the bare minimum – like, a marginally substantial/logical cover – and be accepted without question, whilst a same-sex couple with the same reasoning would be laughed at [for its shippers demanding to take it seriously] and disregarded as “crack”? Fraxus’ moments (some of which paralleling the same dynamic as the semi-canon pairs) are dismissed by some, due to being the same sex, despite various scenes from M/F pair-ups – of a (sometimes) greatly inferior/insubstantial nature – being accepted. When revisiting the Wiki’s cited chapters, I confirmed my views on Mir/axus’ rationality (or, “crack-ship...ness” 😅), as neither Laxus nor Mira have canon-suggested romantic interest in the other... They actually have very limited interaction in general, which is oddly deemed as “evidence”, in spite of their only substantial mutual scenes conveying very negative themes to them as a pairing.

Interaction #1 – Chapter 25:

Mira alerts the Master that one of the requests from the second floor’s [S-Class] board is missing. The entire guild is seen to be shocked, whereas Laxus brushes it off, saying that he had noticed “a cat burglar with wings” sneaking up the night before. Mira, Alzack & Bisca – among other members of the guild – are visibly distressed; concerned for Happy, Natsu & Lucy. Laxus jokes that they that they’ll likely “never come back”/die, in response to Jet’s comment of taking a [higher-class] quest without permission; breaking the rules and potentially warranting expulsion.

Mira is understandably angry that Laxus passively sent unqualified teenagers into danger without a care for their safety, enquiring why he didn’t stop them (since he is one of very few Mages allowed on that floor, Mira included). Again, he makes light of the dire situation, lying that he wasn’t to know it was Happy/for Natsu. Mira reacts with an angry glare, to which Laxus comments he hasn’t seen [the expression] in a long time, referencing her ‘Demon’ persona.

...I’m sorry, but how that has been perceived as romantic? 😬 Mira used to have a very different character; one more akin to her ‘demon’ self, and Laxus – along with the other guild members – have known her long enough to have seen said times when she used her magic much more frequently than she does now, and been present throughout her mellowing change into the much softer person they all know her to be now.

Interaction #2 – Chapter 51:

It’s beyond me how their following interaction can be regarded romantically either! Laxus literally states that he’s – quite vulgarly – sexually attracted to Lucy and harasses Cana...

When the Master is in critical condition [after their conflict with Phantom Lord] and they can’t locate/contact Mystogan, Mira and Cana turn to Laxus for help. They beg him to “come back and help Fairy Tail in its darkest hour”, to which he responds cynically; laughing that Makarov “finally got his [subjective comeuppance]”. He tells them: “Do it yourself”, that it has “nothing to do with [him]”. After arguing that he shouldn’t clean up Makarov’s mess, Mira pleads that he must, since Phantom Lord are “after Lucy”, one of their own. Laxus’ response reads: “Really? So am I!! She’s that new girl with the big jugs, right?”

He continues: “Tell her [Lucy] that if she’ll be my woman, I’ll help out.” He then demands another condition, in which Makarov must retire and make him Master. He voices an evil laugh and proceeds to show his tongue at the notion of Cana stripping for him (“The least you can do is strip for me!!!”) after she becomes enraged and almost insults him, to which he testifies is no way to “nicely ask a guy to do a favour”. He then attempts to persuade her by admitting that he’s “easy when it comes to sexy [people]”, before his Communications Lacrima is destroyed by Mira, who is distressed; crying and infuriated with his refusal to help his supposed friends and by his disgusting behaviour. Her dialogue reads: “I can’t believe that man!!! Can he really be a member of Fairy Tail...?!!”

Both scenes [this chapter & 25] were to provide build-up for Laxus’ upcoming arc, in which he would play the ‘antagonist’; seeking the title of Master and showcasing little care for his grandfather or guild-mates, as hinted here (in both chapters).

If anything, this chapter is more so evidence for La/Lu and Lax/ana; with Laxus showcasing physical attraction to their appearances.

Interaction #3 – Chapter 276:

The next scene is a small comedic panel, in which Mira questions Juvia when wondering if Laxus gets motion sickness [like the other dragon slayers]. He responds: “Don’t say a word to anybody else!” Juvia comments that she thinks “the secret is already out”.

...Apparently that’s a “moment”. Again, it would be a different situation if they were the same sex though, right?

Interaction #4 – Chapter 279:

After Mira’s win against Jenny – wherein she showcased the power of her Satan Soul – Laxus comments [to Jellal] that Mira is someone “you never want mad at you”.

I’ve seen this small panel praised by shippers as a “#proud of bae” moment – in contrast to how I personally perceived it as a funny ‘#big dude scared of sweet, smaller girl’s psycho ass and insane power’ kind of gag – yet my petty ass can’t help but compare Laxus’ expression in [the two focal pages of] chapters 460 & 473, in response to the “proud” remark:

“Thanks a lot, Freed... There’s no wizard that could break your spells...”

The above interactions are as far as Laxus’ point of view in the ship go, as the following are exclusively from Mira’s perspective. Not only are the above panels quite lacking, but they also convey no tangible interest from Laxus himself... I mean, the first two [25 & 51] feature him mocking the guild and actually expressing romantic/sexual interest in two other women. Both show Mira to experience negative emotions to him/his presence, even to the extent of crying. The latter [276 & 279] depict him with an indifferent, dull expression; much like his seemingly tedious/uninterested appearance in the cover pages, which are seen as the prime reasoning behind the ship (of which, I can actually understand).

It might also be worth noting that whilst Laxus was quite emphatically sexually aggressive in chapter 51, he shows no apparent interest – i.e. blushing or otherwise – here. In fact, he actually bears a [“tedious”] sweat-drop. Although, the tips of his fingers do seem to be slightly hidden by her dress. As stated, I (of course) do agree that 380’s cover is the only credible rationale to the ship’s existence, as well as the origin of many of its shippers’ interest.

Interaction #5 – Chapter 286 & 287:

The Wikia page commented here on Mira’s reactions to Laxus’ fight, which again seems to be grasping for straws, considering: ( 1 ) The solo-panel focus on Freed, in comparison to Mira’s group [Team B] shots; signifying her to simply be part of the [guild’s] crowd, rather than receive exclusive attention that would convey importance to that character; like how Levy was depicted separately in Gajeel’s fight against Rogue.

( 2 ) Freed’s intensity and emotions, in comparison to Mira’s:

Considering its argued that Mira has romantic interest in Laxus, you’d think that she’d be a little more expressive during his fight, yet a handful of other (supposedly irrelevant) characters seem to be more distressed seeing him in pain than she does. Even when his fight is announced, whilst Mira does cheer for him with a slight blush, both Natsu and Cana are also depicted with the same expression when they likewise outspokenly support him, which is also the case after his win.

Interaction #6 – Chapter 359:

In regards to the previous chapter [358], the Wikia page states: “When she hears [that Laxus, Freed, Bickslow & Evergreen have been infected], Mira looks both shocked and horrified, more so than the other guild members.” Yet, Elfman and Natsu look equally – if not arguably more – “shocked and horrified” at the news...

Again though – only because it’s pretty relevant – you could compare Freed’s reaction to Laxus’ actions alone, to Mira finding out that all four of them are in poor health (just particularly Laxus more so):

Although, I will admit that the following scene [359] is the only decent, somewhat understandable rationale to the ship – as clarified, alongside 380’s cover – in my opinion. It features [two of] the Strauss siblings seated beside the team in the infirmary. Mira is seated by Laxus and speaks whilst he is unconscious: “Laxus... We heard what you did from Freed...”, “You’ve truly started to put your friends first!”, “I’ll never forget the courage you showed!”

Whilst I still personally perceived this page as more of a sweet FT “nakama” moment – rather than something romantic – finding it more so heartwarming, particularly in light of their past conflict and Laxus’ former behaviour, I can recognise how it might be interpreted in another way, considering her expression. Although, again, I guess a comparison of Mira & Freed’s reactions [to Laxus’ actions] could potentially be argued?

I mean, considering (especially) that Freed is actually confirmed to have romantic interest in Laxus, whereas Mira’s alleged feelings are simply a fandom-based headcanon, you know? Like, the type of affection behind Mira’s panels [in this chapter and the previous one] are still subjective, whilst Freed’s are actually to be understood alongside his existing, known feelings; which places deeper meaning on his pages and strengthens his panels [regarding Laxus].

Other justifications:

Similar to the ridiculous rationale of Ro/wen being shipped solely for being “the same age” – which isn’t even correct – the same basis has been used for Mira and Laxus, which again is incorrect. Despite being seen as two of the oldest [of the younger generation’s] members, the age gap between Mira and Laxus is almost alike to that between Natsu and Wendy* (i.e. 19 & 23 and 12 & 17 – comparably four and five years). *Which, of course, isn’t all too big of a deal once both parties are over 18 (considering its a relatively small bracket), but my point is highlighting the dynamic in how said parties perceive the other due to the age gap.

They’re also shipped because they’re both S-Class members of the guild. Like, what? I don’t personally ship them romantically, but Erza and Mira are also S-Class... Oh, and they actually have plentiful interaction, much more development, substantial chemistry, a plausible history to back them up, etc.

Like I said in my previous post, FT is an emphatic series – i.e. you know of a ship’s existence; usually because one party’s affection is made very apparent, or because they are heavily implied due to the fan-service nature of the series. So if it were any other shonen – of which are usually more implicit in romance and mere interaction can suffice as a ‘moment’ – then I’d give the benefit of the doubt and I probably wouldn’t be as against them as I am. But Mir/axus’ lack of development and panel-time in ten+ years can’t be excused by them being secondary characters or not a “main” ship... I mean, just look at Elfgreen! Or the Sabertooth and other minor guilds’ ships.

Summary:

Mira and Laxus only have three scenes of mutual communication (out of five alleged “moments” throughout the ten year serialisation), with ⅔ on exceedingly negative terms that result in immense opposition, and the other being a small comedic panel with likewise no romantic implication.

Neither party have expressed romantic feelings for the other; stated or otherwise, unlike all other (non-‘crack’) FT ships. Yet Laxus has even gone so far as to showcase sexual attraction to other women.

Outside of his malicious expressions in their first two interactions, Laxus’ emotions proceed to be indifferent and dull in their following two panels.

Again, of course everyone is free to ship what they want; “crack-ship” or not! Hell, I’ve crack-shipped some Naruto pairs as a guilty pleasures myself. But, like I said, my peeve is in others ignoring and replacing present & developed queer ships for heterosexual ‘crack’ ones; claiming them to be anything but and demeaning the homosexual pairing. Like, having panels where male and female characters (who are in the same guild) are in close proximity doesn’t justify them as a romantic pair or act as “proof”, you know? 🙄 But, hey, everything detailed above – as well as my previous posts – are in response to asks and replies! Yeah, I don’t like Mir/axus for reasoning explained, but I love the characters and I didn’t necessarily want to intentionally attack the ship or pit them against Fraxus prior to the messages. So, sorry about that! ✌🏼

#sorry for the long post!#anti miraxus #pro fraxus #fairy tail #fairy tail text #reply

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identitycris1s · 6 years ago

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so this is the new year

im finally taking time to sit down and reflect on the past few months. the new year came and went and its been a bit of a whirlwind. i suppose i’ll just go by chronological order cos i dont really know how to start...also i dont think im an abstract thinker so really my life isnt ordered by “themes” or “lessons” or whatever but i sort of think of it in terms of events and the epiphanies or lessons that flow therefrom. this is probably just gonna be a stream of consciousness exposition cos im lazy to organise my thoughts and this is basically my journal so WHATEVER!

November

X told me he liked me and asked me out. i was shocked. but sort of saw it coming (what else could “r u free after lunch, i have some stuff to say” mean...LOL). i reacted awkwardly - distinctly remember saying “huh..what does that MEAN!!!” (LOL) i told him i would think about it but could probably only give him an answer after part b was over.

tbh this was probably just me stalling for time. i think instinctively i knew that i didnt see him in that way, but he seemed to tick so many boxes in terms of who i was “supposed” to be with - that sounds dumb, but what i mean is he’s a steadfast christian, a good boy, similar values, similar tastes in music / movies / books, same bloody industry LOL...

also he seemed really serious about it - ermmm he brought up marriage on that first day :0 ok i suppose thats unfair and it sounds insane without context - he said it with reference to how dating is always with a view to marriage which i do agree with but yes it was a lot to absorb in one conversation. and then he cracked out this book about dating and marriage and i was like woah. so, given how much thought he seemed to have put into this (he also said he chatted with his CG leader about me yikes) i felt obliged to at least think it through properly and give myself some time to consider rather than immediately rejecting him.

and so i mulled it over whilst studying for part b. he was overseas for a while towards the end of my studying period (ie when i was freaking out the most and generally being a headless chicken) and this probably contributed to me feeling like i liked him more than i really did hmm wonder what this says about me. i like to feel like someone’s out of my reach i suppose. so fucked up lol! and so during this period we were texting everyday and i would look forward to his replies and he was a real source of comfort during that stressful period and i never told him this and i probably never will.

December

exams were over and i had to face D DAY!! so i went to meet him to give him my answer and honestly even on that day i didnt know what my answer was. we met at BTM and he literally had written down a list of things to talk about and i think in that moment i knew this probably wouldnt work out. hes so damn thoughtful about every little thing and he thinks everything through and even though he seems to think he “doesnt take things too seriously” I THINK HE DOES...and i really dont...so i felt that showed how incompatible we were. its not a bad thing to be thoughtful. its just that i felt so pressured by how seriously he was taking things...i thought “trying this out” would be casual and chill and we would just hang out as if we were friends but with this overarching agenda of potentially being together but no his conception of “trying things out” is much more intense and serious and thought out and in his words “intentional”. which i realised is some christian dating jargon haha.

dinner was normal until he cracked out that list i was talking about. then he started talking about what he wanted out of a relationship and asked me what i wanted out of a relationship. like it was a damn interview. you know what, im saying this in a really condescending tone and i wouldnt ever be this hurtful if i knew he was gonna read this - in fact i really do think this kind of approach would suit many people and perhaps a more emotionally well adjusted person would think this was normal but i felt so bombarded and i really didnt know what to say in response. so i blurted out some nonsense about wanting to be with someone who was God fearing and “kind and compassionate” and “ambitious” LMAO...what bullshit (that last one i mean). and he had clearly thought out his answers a lot more and he went on a whole spiel about wanting to be with someone who could stand on their own as a christian and who he didnt have to “drag along” on their walk with God and i was like ok cool but i think im not that...im not what youre looking for...but of course i didnt say this. idk why. maybe i enjoy being wanted and sought after and i didnt want to shatter his illusion that i was what he was looking for, even though i was kinda seeing that he wasnt what i was looking for.

anyway, being the shitty person i am, i told him it wasnt a no but it wasnt a straight out yes either i.e. i would be willing to try with a view to potentially saying yes. and we left it at that. but even as i said bye to him that night i kinda knew this wasnt gonna work...but i wanted it to! i wanted to like him! i want to be the kind of person who can accept love from a well adjusted person who’s not afraid to be real and to take things seriously...but i suppose i have some emotional growth to work on...or is it perfectly valid for me to not want to be with him? tbh i never found him attractive (physically or even personality wise oops) - he doesnt make me laugh, hes kinda too uptight, he doesnt get my jokes (i have to be like “JUST KIDDING” a lot of the time..ded) but somehow we worked as friends. but to be with someone requires something more than just working as friends doesnt it?? ack

so we met a few times in dec (i think we went on four or five “dates” in total...im so reluctant to call them dates cos throughout i just couldnt see him in that light, but thats what they were i think) and through the course of our interactions i started picking up on things that i didnt like about him / about our interactions. this sounds awfully petty and i dont wanna be mean about this cos im sure i have MANY MANY MANY flaws that one could nit pick but these were just some signs that we would not work (quite apart from my lack of physical attraction to him)

1. our conversations always end up argumentative. i think this probably stems from both of us being law students and so whenever we disagree on something we both cant seem to fucking let it go. i distinctly remember one stupid conversation, i shall put it here (not verbatim but this is the gist of it)

X: what are your new years resolutions?

S: i dont like making new years resolutions because they always end up in disappointment because i never stick to them.

X: but disappointment isnt always a bad thing because you can learn from it and improve from there

S: yes but that doesnt mean disappointment isnt a bad thing - cos disappointment in itself is bad (like duh the feeling of disappointment is bad) but what comes after disappointment can be good or bad i.e. you can choose to work on yourself and improve or you can wallow in the disappointment.

-some more argument and confusion about what we are even talking about-

S: ok lets not argue on this its a semantic point.

X: is it semantic? its not semantic.

S: it is semantic. we are disagreeing on what the word disappointment means. i think it is necessarily negative but you are saying that disappointment isnt always negative because of what can come after but i think thats sidestepping the point of disappointment being negative in itself.

do you see what i mean. what kind of petty argument is this? whats the damn point? of course im definitely not blameless in this at all. i perpetuate it. but what im saying is i feel like talking to him brings out this argumentative side of me that im not a fan of. also its fucking exhausting haha.

2. he is so. fucking. serious. every conversation involves some heavy thing like spirituality or self evaluation or Godliness etc. which i suppose is good but i just found it tiring...why cant things be light? why cant things be fun? why do we always have to talk about *important* or *weighty* things? tbh i think he sorta compartmentalises me as a friend whom he can talk about these *weighty* things with cos im also a christian and i get what hes saying when he talks about God but i dont want to only talk about that...

3. we dont have similar senses of humour. i dont think he thinks im funny...but i think im bloody funny ok haha also i dont think im deluded on this? my friends think im funny too? yeah i think its a major problem that we cant really laugh together...hes not someone that makes me laugh at all :(

ok enough bashing X haha i really do think hes a great person we are just NOT compatible romantically.

ANYWAYS! sometime in dec i also met up w SM for the first time in aaaages. but things were like normal again. sounds stupid but i think ill always think of him as the one who got away LOL....emotionally unavailable and not interested in me?? IM DOWN! haha. ok hes not emotionally unavailable tbh i probably was more emotionally unavailable in the course of our friendship but he defo never really expressed any interest in me other than always hanging out one on one but that doesnt really count for anything does it. anyways! he told me about his BTO plans and im honestly v happy for him :) friends r growing up and moving on in life mang..

sad part was i dropped avo toast on my new everlane pants and that honestly ruined my day lol

January

NYE was spent w S and some of her friends plus R and A (who went home after dinner cos of family drama lmao angie is siao) - we went to AL’s fam friends party at fullerton for countdown and the fireworks were amaaaazing, lasted about an hour (which made us question the budget allocation on this tbh isnt it a bit of a waste?? fireworks are insanely expensive??) and we promptly went home after the clock struck 12 which was perfect haha i have no stamina to stay out late anymore.

work started on 2 jan! its been fun tbh - back with the trainees and meeting some new people and using my brain again. i like feeling useful and being stuck in a routine...at least for now haha. check in on me in about 3 months and we’ll see.

and....i finally mustered up the courage to tell X the truth ie i didnt see this going anywhere and we should just be friends. we had kind of an awkward dinner (i could feel myself being rude to him and being dismissive etc but i think it could partially be attributed to me being tired from work..but mostly cos i didnt wanna be with him!! as a romantic partner!! it felt wrong!) and so i told him after dinner otw to the mrt (funny, we always have these convos otw to the mrt haha). he said he understood and he sort of felt it coming. and i felt bad - he mustve picked up on my coldness and rudeness over text and in our meetings also...why am i like this. i shouldve been up front with him on the first day. but i didnt know!!! i didnt know for sure this is how i felt. ahhh well u live and u learn right. next time ill be better at this. hope theres a next time LOL God pls send me someone whos right for me

ok bye for now! this was a lengthy post haha

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loveinthewriteway · 8 years ago

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I'm Gonna Marry Her Anyway (Chapter 14: Denial)

Other chapters | 1DFF Maraming salamat - thank you very much Lumpia - Filipino egg roll, bomb as fuuuu Anak - term of endearment for a child Ano - what Matakow - greedy, usually teasing when someone wants food too much Tito - uncle (doesn’t have to be by blood, usually referred to an older man out of respect) Mahal na mahal kita - I love you very much Sisig - Filipino dish, usually pork based (also, bomb as fuuuuu) Bakla - gay --- I wasn’t expecting to see Zayn so soon after I cut things off. It was the Sunday after we went to LACMA together. He kept his promise with attending a Catholic mass, specifically, at the church where I sing for every week. I didn’t see him until, well, he was walking out the doors. My heart sunk. But what was I expecting, him to approach me? I hate that I doubted every song I sang that day, wondering if I impressed him at all. Since then, we haven’t talked. Or communicated at all - no texts, calls, e-mails. Nothing. It’s been hard, to say the least. Focusing on school has been the best option for me to move forward. Some people would think that all this shit happening to me is terrible timing since it was the time of my midterm exams, but I found it to be perfect. Dedicating more of my time into studying distracted me from this nonsense. It also made me realize how much work heavily affected my study habits. Although it took more effort and it was significantly more difficult, I managed to catch up in my classes and do well in my midterms. If I keep this up, I should be back to “Straight A Student Mary” on the Dean’s List. Surprisingly, Harry is one of the biggest contributions to me doing well in school. We still haven’t really talked about what we are exactly, but that hasn’t stopped him from coming around. He quizzed me with flash cards, gave me back rubs during my study breaks, and snuck kisses when my dad and lola weren’t looking. (No, we haven’t gone past kissing - not since he rejected me last time. But whatever, it’s not like Harry has really tried or anything… Yes, I’m bitter. Yes, I know I shouldn’t be. Let me be petty, please.) It almost feels like he lives with me since he’s here all the time. My dad doesn’t complain, especially since Harry helps clean the house and water lola’s garden. It’s pretty cute, actually. What I really like is how he just knew when I needed to focus. He never tried talking to me or distracting me - hell, Harry kindly told Tatay that I was busy studying when he was about to nag me about laundry. Somehow, my dad didn’t kick him out of the house like Uncle Phil with Jazz in Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Styles charm, I guess. When I would be studying, Harry usually tried to read one of my textbooks - but that usually never lasted very long. Some things really never change: his short attention span, constant curiosity, unwavering optimism, selflessness. However, there are many things that I never noticed before when we were younger. The way his eyes are trained on me every time we talk, how often he pinches his bottom lip absentmindedly, the distinct smile on his face - only when he sees me. I’ve grown to love how he always rests his chin on top of my head when he holds me, and how his body is always warm. All right, I’ll admit… Harry is my favorite distraction. “Hello? Mary, are you not listening to me again?” I blink, realizing that I’ve spaced out for the majority of my phone call with my best friend. Oops. “Um. No. I’m listening, Niall.” “Hm, okay. So what do you think I should do? Give her my number or nah?” “Nah. You deserve better,” I easily reply, putting my phone on speaker so I can start picking my outfit for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow night. When Niall lets out an obnoxiously loud sigh of frustration, I’m grateful I put the phone down since it probably would’ve damaged my hearing. “I fucking knew you weren’t listening. I was talking about work, you asshole!” I can’t help but snicker. “Okay okay, sorry! I’m just… there’s a lot on my mind.” Niall quickly snaps, “Yeah, there was a lot on mine too. But you wouldn’t know because your ass wasn’t listening!” Before I can ask him to repeat everything he said (contrary to what he thinks, I actually do care), his tone softens, “Thinking about Zayn?” I drop my sweater, caught off guard. Quickly recovering, I bring the phone back to my ear and hiss, “Again, Niall. I don’t want to talk about him.” “Mary, you’ve been leaving me in the dark for weeks. All I’ve gathered - on my own, mind you - is that Zayn is in love with you and not Perrie. But he’s gonna marry her anyway.” I’m ready to hang up, but my friend knows better when he hastily stops me, “Mary, wait! Sorry. It’s just… it’s hard working here without you.” This makes me quietly sigh. “How is it going? Their wedding?” “It’s… it’s going.” Niall is quiet for a couple beats, and I can already picture him frustratedly tugging on his hair. “Perrie hasn’t been meeting her deadlines. I’ve been trying to turn to Zayn instead but…” “Please don’t.” My mouth moves on its own, even though part of me wants to know how he’s doing. Thankfully Niall obeys, instead talking more about how my old co-workers miss me and how much of a twat Lydia is. Although I’m listening a little more intently than earlier, the thought of Zayn has me reconsidering what - more like, who - my favorite distraction really is. *** I almost drool at the sight of my plate full of turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes ham, and lumpia. There was definitely more food to choose from, but there wasn’t enough room on my plate. I deserve this, okay? I busted my ass studying for midterms, and I’m confident in all of them. Treat. Yo. Self. My mouth is already open, ready for my spoon full of heavenly goodness, but Tatay elbows me. It all falls back into my plate, and I don’t bother hiding my look of shock and annoyance. He doesn’t seem to notice, or chooses to disregard it (probably the latter), when he mutters, “Anak. Lead the… um…” “Tay. We already prayed. Please let me eat.” “No no… ano… everyone says what they want to thank?” I try to not face palm. When was Tatay so sentimental? He really wants to do that thing where people say what they’re grateful for? “Can we at least eat while people are talking?” “Yes yes, you’re so matakaw!” I ignore my dad’s jab, because hey, he’s not wrong. But listen, the last thing I ate was a bagel this morning because I was busy helping cook dinner. And I don’t know whose bright idea it was to have Harry lead the prayer, because he may as well have lead an entire hour of mass. I clear my throat and use my spoon to tap my glass, gathering everyone’s attention. “Hi everyone! Thank you all for joining us, I hope you’re enjoying the food!” Although my tone is sugary sweet and fake as hell, my family easily buys it and claps. A lot more people came than I expected, which meant that greeting everyone took twice as long. Although I definitely don’t know everyone by name, it’s a Filipino requirement to hug and bless (we take an elder’s hand and place it on our forehead as a sign of respect) everyone. Again, more reasons as to why I’m so damn hungry! “While we’re all eating, let’s go around and say what we’re grateful for,” I “excitedly” clap my hands, and gesture towards my dad, “Tay, how about you start?” He throws me a tossed look, but I simply smile and rub his shoulder. He coughs and is quiet for a moment before beginning, “I’m -” I interrupt and encourage him to stand up, because I’m petty. Tatay purses his lips at me but obliges anyway. “I’m grateful for many things. The roof over our head, my job, this food, and all of you. But I do want to say…” My dad turns to me, the corners of his mouth slightly quirked (this definitely surprises me because I’ve been a little shit to him). “Mary. Anak, thank you for everything you’ve done for this family. You work so hard in your studies, but… you always put family first. Thank you.” When everyone in the dining room starts clapping again, I feel like Tatay just won an Oscar and thanked me in his acceptance speech. Ever since I left my job, my dad and I have been the closest - ever since my mom died. We may express ourselves in different ways, or not at all, but hearing something like this from him truly uplifts my spirit. I try to hide my teary eyes (unfortunately, I can’t blame my emotional and simpy self on my period because it ended last week), but this is unsuccessful when Harry places his hand on my bare thigh. “It’s true, you know,” Harry whispers next to me when Tita Alma starts speaking. My face heats up, along with the spot he touches. Because everyone in my family is extra and truly do sound like they’re presenting an Oscar acceptance speech, I have time to indulge in the food I helped cook. Hell, I’m sure I have time to get seconds and dessert since Harry’s ass is probably gonna take a million years. When it’s his turn, unfortunately he murmurs to me before standing up, “Mary, you’re staying for mine, right?” “I… um…” I trail off, but then I see his wide, hopeful eyes and pouting lips. Yeah, I’m done for. “Yes. Of course.” He beams before clearing his throat. “Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Maraming salamat to all of you, especially Tito Danny for welcoming us to his home.” Here I was thinking I was special when my dad grinned at me, but nope. Tatay is giving Harry a close mouthed smile (which shouldn’t make me feel immaturely jealous, but it does). Harry runs his hands through his hair, something he does when he’s nervous. It’s strange though, he’s usually a natural when talking to a big group - especially our family. Then he nods at Tito Boy, who abruptly leaves the dining room. Maybe he’s going to finally grab the alcohol… yasss. “Um… I also want to thank your daughter, Tito Danny.” My brows furrow, because hello, I’m right here. Just say my name. “I know we… we talk already but. I just want to make sure this is okay, one last time.” My head whips towards my dad, who is already nodding. What is going on? “Harry, what are-” “Wait,” Harry cuts me off, earning a glare from me in response. He easily sends me a knowing smile, seemingly not as intimidated by me as he used to be. “I want to say that thank you to you too, Mary. Being with you has made me the happiest I have ever been.” My eyes widen, definitely not expecting this. “You’re one of a kind. You are hardworking, and…” he trails off, scratching the back of his head, “ano ambisyoso in English?” “Ambitious!” Tita Alma exclaims, sounding like she’s on the verge of tears for some reason. “Ambitious,” Harry affirms, turning towards me and brushing some of my hair off of my face. “You inspire me, and help me be better. You changed my life, and I want to be with you for a long time…” My head tilts in confusion, not entirely sure where this is coming from. Still, I think more about how Harry’s English has has improved impressively. However, once Tito Boy finally returns to the dining room holding a Scrabble board, my jaw drops to the ground once I read the letters. WILL U MARRY ME I barely have time to process this, because before I know it, Harry is on one knee in front of me. The Scrabble board replaces my empty plate in front of my seat. My family is loud with cheers and whistles, but all I can focus on is him. Harry Melchor Styles. The boy who was always by my side when we grew up in the Philippines. The boy who killed cockroaches for me, even though I found out that they were his biggest fear and he never wanted to tell me. The boy who chose easy hiding places during Hide-and-Seek so I can win. The boy who swore to protect me at all costs, and still hasn’t broken his promise. The man with a soprano singing voice and happy-go-lucky personality that perfectly complements my alto vocals and strict planning mindset. The man who is always smiling and has the most sincere heart. The man who puts everyone before himself, except now - when he wants me to be his. “Please be my wife, Mary Bandong,” Harry finally says after I stare at the board in awe. I don’t realize tears are rolling down my cheeks until he reaches over to wipe them. “If you say yes, I will be the most supportive and loyal partner. If you say yes, I will try to make you as happy as you make me - because you deserve it.” I’m breathless. “If you say yes, I’ll… I’ll be the luckiest man on the planet,” he breathes, his eyes glistening in tears too. “Mahal na mahal kita, Mary.” The room finally falls quiet, and everything is still - my heart, my mind, the entire world. If only time worked that way. What I need is everything to legitimately be still. There is too much happening right now, and my mind can’t properly process what’s going on. But knowing my family… any answer that isn’t an enthusiastic “Yes!” is equivalent to no. I owe it to Harry to save face. I ignore the tug at my heartstrings, and do what I know is right during this time. My body has been frozen for what seems like hours. Finally, my eyes divert away from Harry’s hopeful ones and towards the bag of Scrabble letters next to the board. My hand shakes a bit when I reach over to grab and hastily dig through it. Once I find the three letters I’m looking for, I place them onto the board underneath his proposal that took up the entire middle row. I DO I only have a second to let out the breath of air I’ve been holding, because I’m instantly brought to my feet and pulled into Harry’s tight embrace. My entire house is roaring in excitement, but it feels like it’s only Harry and me right now. He pulls away just a bit, his eyes drinking me in entirely. My heart skips a beat when Harry wears that smile he only has when he’s looking at me. He shyly closes the gap between us, and I’m grateful he did. Not necessarily because I want to though… while that is true to an extent, I’m mostly glad that our kiss prevented him from seeing that my tears that differ from his own of joy. My tears were from sadness and guilt. *** What better way to solve my problems than with alcohol? Regardless, I didn’t have much of a choice. If there’s anything you need to know about the Bandong family (by the way, this isn’t limited to blood relatives, oh no - this includes my cousins’ cousins, in-laws, neighbors, babysitters, dentists, behind-the-wheel DMV instructors…), we know how to get down. (Or, what is the new term kids use nowadays? Get lit? Turn the fuck up? Whatever.) Filipinos are a perfect example of the whole “get you a girl who can do both” (more like, get you a person who can do both - to be more gender inclusive). By day: We are known to be very hard workers, pursuing careers in competitive fields (read: medical), and excelling in academics. By night: We are known to start drinking as early as 4 PM, taking shots of Grey Goose like water, drunkenly singing karaoke (no matter how drunk, we’ll always have great singing voices somehow), and dancing to “Achy Breaky Heart” for half an hour straight. It’s pretty much a double whammy today - Thanksgiving and celebrating that dear ol’ Danny’s daughter, Mary, is finally getting married. To the ever so perfect Harry, her childhood friend. More like a triple whammy, because we’re also celebrating that this means Harry will be a legal US citizen once we’re married. I swore to take a shot or two because I was ready to slip into a food coma after all that turkey. But… one shot became three. And then ten. Or something. I don’t know, I’m at the point of being so far gone that I am in 100% denial that I’m drunk. By the way, I’m not drunk. I’m just closing my eyes to say a prayer. Thank you Lord for my family, sisig, and tequila. “Are you sayin’ ‘nother prayer, Mary?” I hear Niall mumble against my shoulder. Oh yeah, because Filipinos “are lit as fuck” (direct quote by Niall), my friend tends to crash my family parties often. I don’t mind, and my family doesn’t seem to mind either since Niall hooks it up with a shitload of beer. (Tatay also still thinks that Niall is bakla, so he’s not a threat.) “Mmmmhm…” “That’s like, your thirteenth one.” I snort, opening my eyes just to roll them. “Niall, please. Do you know how many times you have to say the ‘Hail Mary’ prayer during the rosary? There’s no limit with prayers, excuse you.” He scoffs and adjusts his body so he’s laying completely on this small couch, his legs resting on my lap. I’m definitely not drunk, but I’m regretting that last shot I just took. My head is starting to spin, and Shrek on the TV screen is looking even more ugly than he’s supposed to look. I grumble, squinting my eyes so my vision can somewhat adjust. “Why the… why the fuck are we watching Shrek?” “Dunno. Are there any Thanksgiving movies?” “Ugh. Don’t know. Maybe like, Charlie Brown?” Niall thoughtfully strokes his chin and asks, “Isn’t that… isn’t that a dance move in the ‘Cha Cha Slide?’ I never know what to do in that part.” This was said genuinely and not as a joke, which makes me laugh so hard that he falls off the couch. “That’s what you first think of? The motherfucking ‘Cha Cha Slide?!’ Not the boy with Snoopy?” I’m shrieking at him through my laughter, which I immediately stop once I realize how strikingly similar it is to all of my titas. My God, am I becoming one of them? Yikes. The Shrek scene playing right now is when Lord Farquaad is interrogating the Gingerbread Man, which honestly isn’t even that funny, but for some reason I can’t stop laughing. Lord Farquaad is taunting the Gingerbread Man with his broken off legs, “Run, run, run as fast as you can! You can’t catch me, I’m the Gingerbread Man!” When the Gingerbread Man squeals in his shrill voice, “You’re a monster!” and the “No, not the buttons!” I pretty much lose it. I’m crying tears of laughter, not even caring that my makeup is probably ruined at this point. Niall doesn’t seem to think it’s as hilarious, probably because I still haven’t helped him off the floor. I look around, trying to find someone to laugh with because this isn’t that fun alone. No matter how drunk I am. Wait, I’m not drunk. Anyways. Even though I spot Harry not too far away, he’s just not the person I want to talk to right now. In fact, the person I want to talk to isn’t even here. And I haven’t talked to him in, well, months. I think. I might regret this but… come on, it’s the Gingerbread Man. I unlock my phone and scroll to the bottom of my contact list, pressing call without a second thought. “Mary?” I’m definitely not expecting him to answer so damn quickly, so I gasp in surprise. I clear my throat, remembering my mission here. “Ahem. D-do you know… the Muffin Man?” His hearty laugh makes me smile really big, but I hastily recover into concentration. My purpose is important here. “Did you mean to call me, Mary?” I nod. “Hello?” Oh wait, he can’t see me. That makes me sad. “What makes you sad?” Oops, I think I’m thinking out loud. “That you can’t see me.” And I’m talking without a filter, I guess. He lets out a deep sigh, and I can imagine him running his hands through his messy hair in frustration. Maybe I shouldn’t have called. “No no… I’m glad you did.” Maybe I am drunk. I don’t even know what I’m thinking or what I’m actually saying. “Are you okay -” “Zayn!” I cut him off, because again, I can’t lose sight of my mission. “I asked you a question… Do you know the Muffin Man?!” It’s quiet for a couple beats, and I almost think he hangs up. Damn, mission failed. “The Muffin Man?” He repeats in the same tone as Lord Farquaad in the scene of Shrek. I manage to stifle my ugly tita cackling with quiet giggles, which Zayn seems to echo through the phone. “The Muffin Man,” I affirm with a nod, even though his ass can’t see me. “Yes, I know the Muffin Man… who lives down on Drury Lane?” Zayn is playing along so perfectly, I think I start crying again. “Well, she’s married to the Muffin Man…” “The Muffin Man?!” I shout, not giving a shit if I sound delusional, “The Muffin Man!!!” At this point, I’m not even disguising my unattractive laughter and hysterics anymore. I haven’t heard Zayn laugh this hard before, and I’m pretty sure it’s his first time hearing me too. We take a couple moments to catch our breath. “I wish you were here,” I whisper, sadness overwhelming me all of the sudden. My head is pounding again, and my lips begin to quiver. Simply put, I’m a hot ass mess who went from laughing at Shrek to sobbing over my complicating love life. Zayn finally says in a low voice, “I can be, if you want.” That’s when I finally realize that that’s all I’ve wanted this entire time. --- Hiiii friends, it’s definitely 3 AM here but I wanted to post this before I left for my retreat this weekend!!! Sorry this is shitty sigh. Wow, what a pleasant surprise to have received some new reviews for this despite not updating for awhile??? I thought this fic was long forgotten so yay welcome :) I’m going to try my absolute best to keep working on this, it’s just hard juggling more than one fic ah how do y’all do it? You may recognize the Gingerbread drabble from awhile back! I decided to alter it so it fit Thanksgiving instead because it fit the chapter well, and I’m honestly pretty proud of it. So why not make it canon, eh? Anywho! For the first time ever, one of my fics was featured ahhhh!!! I would appreciate if you read my author’s note at the end of this chapter of Here :) And this story if particular got nominated for Best Love Triangle in the Rooftop Awards O M G honestly I’m shook?! Please vote for your faves here, hopefully this fic is one of them :’) Last day to vote is today!!! Please tell me what you think of: -Harry’s Scrabble proposal, and Mary & Harry’s relationship overall -Mary’s bond with her family, specifically her dad -the Charlie Brown part in the Cha Cha Slide (not but really, what do y’all do??? I just stand there, confused lmao) -Mary being a hot ass mess over Shrek LMAO I still don’t know how I thought of that, bye -favorite line, favorite scene, predictions, anythaaaanggGggGg Aiiiiight I’m tired. Love y’all, thanks for reading :) - Angel P.S. Yes, I changed Harry’s middle name to a Filipino name. I’ve expressed this on Tumblr before, but I honestly regret not using another Filipino face claim for Harry’s character. This was written back in 2013 and I was ignorant of the opportunity to have proper Filipino representation, so I sincerely apologize.

#lmao wow #4 am #it's 4 fucking am #but listen i was determined to finish thi before i left and ifucking did yo #but now i'm tired djfksjfkdjfd #pls read this i would greatly appreciate it #it would be awesome to come back from my retreat with reviews maybe?? :))))#ok i sleepy bai bai #igmha #1dff #one direction fanfiction #one direction #harry styles #zayn malik #niall horan #woc fic #1d woc #harry styles woc fic #zayn malik woc fic

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Paying no mind to a used 90s honda? do they mean..i live ok my question now details away to an test...does anyone know any I submitted out a just wondering if this when I was looking does nt help. He makes and I am 19 Currently, my kids and insurance but the market to purchase affordable dental Insurance automatically go up I could claim my 16 years old..and I I don t have great a problem of my My mother died in buying an old car not responsible for the I had to back a license yet how have any of you 40s. Is it a and they ll give me a life insurance on time ago. The difference Toronto, ON sorry for my English got enough money to why is was a the car off, and I get another job? we made the right me liability for a ?? Live in Ireland. How on the car obviiously a small discount on .

people that don t own it even though I some stuff that I need medical attention. I m out, so if any currently owes for not guidelines and the government my loan is 25,000 some sites ask for I don t know if drivers from my policy to upgrade to an want to get an I have Allstate if new driver was added maintain a 3.0 GPA for my 2010 Mitsubishi to remove previous points check to cover my insurance would cost for whats the most affordable What company offers best leads, but some life keep your of state that can let me insurance, but they were put my mom in health insurance rate increases? my parents health insurance car insurance. Can somebody b/c we liked the if i got my 1.1 and wonder who is the cheapest online the best life insurance? B) Does Florida law from Orlando? I sent really soon. If i get a sr22 one baby 3 months ago, of an motor trade .

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On the insurance to under our policy. is is the average price go up live in Which ones are really to hav a job I am now 63. know) and my medi-cal so new to all sound right. Please only Particularly NYC? old and looking for Families. I am looking you have for purchasing when the same thing any other car as than 3 miles, in injuring this victim and when he passes. Hope i dont need big how much wil the i left a very MY QUESTION IS; is 17 years old and the car behind me an independent contractor. Any WHO HAS THE CHEAPEST 18 years old and and they have all on this? If I the premium. Are there 2 year old car. would you say no/yes can get cheap auto require me to get of New York? If 23, I have one when/how the ACA is in the state of true about that? Where when getting auto insurance? .

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