#corporate emails

[angelofsmalldeath-codeine]

Today the corporate rat race beat me down a bit.

I have to be very careful on how I write instructions, they need to be very clear and concise but read as a letter from a loving mother to their child so they don’t complain that “I’m too direct”. Same people turn around and say they don’t understand what they need to do if I don’t break things down by steps.

I literally wrote down a numbered list of actions, indicated they needed to be completed in the order they are listed and who needs to be involved in each one. I’ve got 39 Teams messages and 13 emails asking for clarification. All while my status was set to ‘do not disturb’

The one instruction that puzzled them the most was “Please add your information to the live document in this channel. It’s unmanageable to keep track of what’s already been done if we don’t know what’s the latest version if everyone is working on different files saved locally on their laptops.” Tagged at everyone.

Questions I got:

- Does this mean I have to work on the same file as everyone else?

- Why can’t you see the changes if I save a version on my personal drive?

- Do I need to keep the changes tracked? Why do you need to know what we’ve added?

- Do we have to complete these tasks in order?

- Who is doing what?

There are 9 people in this project including me. Eight of them are men playing the weaponised incompetence game.

I’m tired.

[joshpeck]

[ryan-is-a-god]

My emails only take two forms:

Corporate approved, "you sound like a bot".

17th century British nobleman.

The latter is my natural form, the first is the result of meticulously rewriting to sound more, "natural" and "less try hard".

[gumy-shark]

I LIVE IN AN OFFICE COMEDY

[unashamedly-enthusiastic]

The worst of The Emails is when someone asks you the wrong type of question

The type of question that reveals that there is a fundamental misunderstanding on what you do or why you do it

Not only can you not answer the persons question, they will see that you are doing something wrong in not being able to answer it, and you will see that they are doing something wrong in asking it, and then you have to do a whole bunch of grown up communication between two (now very grumpy) people one of whom is going to be wrong.

And sometimes that person is you.

[moeblob]

This really doesn't have to go on main but I'm putting it here for now:

So uh. Job hunting online for retail positions is definitely an experience. I saw a part time position listing for an office supply store and I think to myself, good! Not a restaurant! I can do office supplies! So I submit the resume/application and then get to the "great, thank you for that! Here are some multiple choice answer questions ranging from word association to number sequences to math problems!"

And I think to myself "great! I'm good with numbers and math and I should be okay associating basic words for this lovely RETAIL POSITION" and then I get the quick and easy practice questions. Wonderfully easy. I've got this. It's neverending and you just have a 10minute time limit to answer as many as possible! No problem!

Then I click "begin" and get slammed with the most ungodly whiplash with the first question being word association about "which of these four words is DIFFERENT" and the options were STRANGLE, PUSH, THROTTLE, and SUFFOCATE.

Hey, uh. Hey retail job. You uh. You okay there? I have some concerns and it was the first question.

[dailyloweffortpace]

Day 29: HES ON HIS WAY!!!!!!!!

[septimusmoonlight]

You doing ok?

hi

[lucklessrat]

Updated these and added them to my redbubble

💌

[angelofsmalldeath-codeine]

[soupmanspeaks]

Uhhh something Something headcanon the pizzaplex staff are given little trivia note cards about the company and the 80's in general to recite to guests as they tour the place or something, but the thing about these note cards is that they're full of the most inaccurate info ever, and freddy'll overhear them sometimes and literally have to stop in his tracks to compute what was just said like

Staff: "And here we have Glamrock beauty salon! Where you can get personally styled by Roxy herself! Fun fact, shoulder pads were all the rage in the 80s! Everyone was wearing them, along with their bright neon t-shirts and legwarmers!"

Glamfred: "......I remember we wore more t-shirts and jeans, actually"

Staff: "......?"

GF: "uH.....I mean--I am sure there were some shoulder pads..!"

[syncrovoid-presents]

Wally and the Colour RED

Wally and the colour Red have an interesting relationship in Welcome Home. This is a rambling/analysis of different things I've found that makes me believe it's an important detail moving forwards with the Welcome Home Mystery!

First! Why do I think this matters?

There's a few reasons why I think this matters! First, while all the members of the cast seem to be tied to a colour, none is as focused or as consistent as Wally and the colour red! The two primary examples I'll use to cover this is one that we've had for a while, and two that we got in this update. Those being the signatures at the bottom of the guestbook, the interactable telephone, and the name graphics on the transcript page!

Interestingly, all of the cast are directly tied to a specific colour! The signatures at the bottom of the Guestpage and the colours of the "calls" on the telephone are the same for each character. This being pink for Julie, orange for Sally, yellow for Frank, green for Poppy, turquoise for Howdy, blue for Barnaby, purple for Eddie, and red for Wally. This is consistent (and possibly something to pay attention for in the future?)

Notably however, Home is signed by Wally, while the audio file for Wally's "call" recording is also called "duet" when you open it in another tab. Audio files with "duet" is a sign that Home is present. This means that red is not strictly a Wally colour, but also the colour for Home!

(if you're curious, the other audio called "duet" is Wally's little song he sings)

This is interesting, because Wally and Home are often treated as a duo, moreso than any other characters of Welcome Home. I would also like to point out another detail, one that I think ties into this tie between Wally, Home and the colour red.

The Records

All the records from Wally's hidden message ("I will help you understand neighbor, I will find a way soon.") are red! Sure, some are glitched, but they are all red. As is this record with the strange audio (has anyone decoded this yet?). This audio is directly tied to Wally, as it's called "(DRAWING?) WITH WALLY DARLING".

However the hidden one's may not just be Wally. Though they are all name the tab "answer" when opened, I'm tempted to say that "answer" is wally prompting us to answer (or, alternatively, Wally is trying to answer us, however he perceives us).

I believe that Home is there too in the audio. If you listen to all of them in a row, turning up the audio will reveal that there is a heart beat in the background. This, I want to say, is Home and not Wally, as Wally does not seem to register them. It peaks about halfway through with Neighbor, coincidentally the audio that is both glitching and is made of a series of clicks rather than voice lines.

I have seen people say that this is "Help Me" or "Hello" in morse code. I do not know which is the agreed translation is (to me it sounds like "…. . ..-.. .. -.. ---", which translates to "HEĘIDO", which is not a word. However it most resembles "…. . .-.. .-.. ---" which translates to "HELLO")

Regardless of what Home may be saying, it shows that the hidden recordings can be put together into a timeline that sounds like one recording, which means it's most likely all recorded at the same place. Ergo, Home is in the hidden recordings as well!

Other spots where red is brought up

There are other instances of red being tied to Wally. Some are obvious, like his love of apples (red ones specifically), the Wally prints/finger paint on the bottom of the guestbook, the background of the "i <3 Wally" gif/sticker in the sticker section of the site (also shared with Home. Wally's character description is also shared by home!), Wally himself in the "so-below" page, among other things. Such as the Wally themed telephone being red, despite his more iconic blue swirled hair (or blue and yellow-trimed sweater), his clothing in multiple official artworks, the Wally cereal box, and more.

(Like something I've noticed, which is that Home is the only house that's a solid colour (red!) without any pattern breaking it up, plus the most "standout" red that Wally typically wears being tied around his neck (symbolism?). Plus the "W" of Welcome Home is red! That's fun too!

There's also some... stranger ones. Such as this hidden piece of morse code found by this person, which spells out ".. -- .-. . -..", or "IM RED" when translated to english.

And more hidden ones too, that tie into the hidden staff page (I have a post breaking that down that you can find here!! I cover everything I could find plus went through the website code, if you want to know everything about the secret staff site check it out!)

There is the red safe, which has in WHRP universe lore!! I delve into this in my other post, just know that it is something that exists both in the secret website (it is what introduces you to the hidden website!) AND it exists in the WHRP world, both written about in printed emails and as a physical object seen within The Room:tm:. You may also notice everyone is represented by their original colours, except for home, who is now white (or blank?).

There's also scrap pieces of red paper spilled on the ground in The Room:tm: (that have drawn spirals), a red clock in the style of Wally's red car, a red painting of some sort on the wall of The Room:tm: (that we never get a good look at, though it may have a drawn yellow eye in the upper center), a red apple, and most importantly of all, this:

The Red Notebook

This is no ordinary notebook. This here is the notebook that the WHRP team have "loaned" the Question Answerer, also known as the Head Curator of Question Answer! according to the printed emails. This book is very important because there are multiple signs that it was written by Wally. Inside is a sketchpad attached to the lefthand interior bookcase with little paintings and a handprint suspiciously similar to that on the bottom of the GuestBook page and doodles in the styles Wally has used (spirals, finger paint smiley face, the drawn apple, etc).

(by the way, if you're interested in what the note says the most accurate translation I've found is by Tumblr user truckfreaks

"Hello,

My name doesn't matter. I am here to catalogue something I'm not sure is fully real. But it must be. I'm holding all the evidence in my hands. Pictures. Characters. Text I can barely read. It's called "Welcome Home" and it looks like it might've been a children's book? Like I said, I can't tell.

It was sopping wet when I found it. When I first reached into one of the brightly colored envelopes, my hand was already covered in some gross, [unknown - possibly “oozing”] material. It feels like antiques are always covered in some kind of grime. I'm trying to clean up what I have and do a little more digging.

There's only one name I can make out right now... Wally. Probably important, but like I said, I'll keep looking.

XOXO"

The wrap up (don't want to make this too long!)

Regardless of what you make of this, it shows that there is even more proof of Wally, not just the character but the Wally ""haunting"" the website and the Wally within the WHRP universe, all being tied to the colour red. (Quick clarification: The Wally we see in branding, clips of the show, etc are all Wally, however he isn't current Wally. He is the Wally of the past, the original Wally, the base Wallly, whatever you want to call him. Therefore I separate him from the "now" Wally. It's unconfirmed whether the Wally that's seemingly trying to communicate with us through the website is the same as the Wally that seems to be related to all the objects being sent to Question Answerer, who is the same Wally that is constantly calling them. If so, then there is only one "now" Wally. If they are separate, then there are two, possibly one in the website itself and one focusing on Question Answerer. Please note, this is all speculation).

While it's true that red is Wally's favourite colour, I believe that it's far more than just that tying Wally and the color red together. Going forwards, anything red that isn't immediately branded as a Wally related object should be considered important, at least I think so.

As for the connection between Wally and Home, both sharing the colour Red? I think this primarily is a display of how the two characters either rely on each other or are, in the vaguest of ways, tied together by fate.

Good bye for now!

[capn-twitchery]

oc question for flumblr bc i've been thinking about it:

how do your characters open & sign off their letters?? does it change depending on their feelings/closeness to who they're writing to? tell me your thoughts i wanna know👀

twitch always opens theirs with some variation of "ahoy and good morrow to you, my [some kind of bizarre adverb+title they've assigned you]" and Always signs off with "Ciao! ~Capt. Twitchery" no variation, no matter how they feel

grace addresses letters with "dearest [title/surname]" and always signs off with "Your obedient servant, Lt.Grace." he doesn't change it often, but if you somehow push him to using "kind regards" then he fucking hates you. if you somehow get him to use "regards" it's because he thinks you should be dead

[gh0st-0f-luke]

six excerpts from my hostile coworkers-to-lovers epistolary fic (read on ao3 here!!!)

[runawaymarbles]

god help me but i might have to write inception fic

[onboardsorasora]

had an aggravating afternoon and decided to make Daniel and Lewis fuck about it. Or rather, sexual tension about it

Daniel glared at his screen, hoping the scorching of the fires of a thousand suns would be felt by the person on the other side of the email exchange. 

He loved his job, truly. It was fulfilling and rewarding and all the other things people said when they liked their job. And it paid him a bitchload of money.

He loved his job, but he hated this client. Lewis Hamilton was the bane of his existence. He hated dealing with him, he hated needing to request things from him. He hated seeing his email address at the top of his inbox. He hated him and his love of ‘per my last email’. If your email was clear, then there would be no follow up for clarification, now would there be? He was such a prick.

With a braying groan, Daniel shot up from his desk to pace the hallway. Lando looked out from his cubicle knowingly.

“Lewis again?”

“Mate, I hate that fucker so much.” Daniel grumbled. His detestation for Lewis was widely known in the office. Every month there was a betting pool about how quickly Lewis would annoy Daniel. Max won every time, he knew that Daniel waited until the last possible moment to email Lewis, claiming he was waiting for Lewis to email first. He rarely did. And Daniel would wait until the third business day at 10am. Lewis wouldn’t respond until the day after at earliest. It was like clockwork at this point.

“Hey Seb.” Daniel muttered on his second pass.

“Just who I wanted to see, we have a lunch meeting tomorrow, so please wear clothes that aren’t sweats.” Seb turned to leave.

“Who are we meeting?”

“MERC”

Daniel stood glaring at his back as he got into the lift. “I quit!” he yelled and Seb laughed.

“See you tomorrow Danny!”

“Fuckin hell.” Daniel muttered stomping back down the hall and into his office, there at the top of his email was a meeting invite from Lewis Hamilton. Daniel hoped he didn’t embarrass Seb by lunging over the table and punching the man in the face.

— - —

Daniel glared at his plate as he speared his salad with his fork. Lewis Hamilton was honestly just as frustrating in person as he was online. And unfortunately, he was fucking hot. 

Seb and Toto were knee deep in conversation and Lewis was texting. Daniel wondered if he got up and left if anyone would notice. 

He stifled a groan when a sauce covered brussel sprout fell on his shirt. Lovely. With a muttered ‘excuse me’ that went unanswered, he stood and wandered to the toilets. 

He grabbed up a wad of hand towels and wet a spot before dabbing it at the greasy stain. He didn’t notice when the door opened or closed behind him.

“So this is the face of my favourite client.” A velvety voice sounded to his left and Daniel narrowed his eyes at Lewis leaning on the stray column. He looked hot in the low warm light, it made his skin glow. 

“Favourite? You flatter me.” Daniel knew marketing was just a circle jerk of ass kissing and he wasn’t immune. As much as he hated the man, he made them a lot of money. And they in turn made him a lot of money.

“I know I can be a bit…difficult. But I appreciate you.” 

Daniel snorted before he could even think to bite it back, Lewis lifted an eyebrow at him.

“You disagree?” Lewis challenged. “I can take coaching, tell me.” 

“Mate, I have nothing to say. No notes.” Daniel raised his hands in a passive gesture before chucking his paper towels in the bin. 

“C’mon Mr Seeking Clarification.” Lewis goaded with a smirk and Daniel felt his eye twitch. He took a deep breath and put a smile on his face, he wasn’t doing this. 

“I’m not doing this.” He moved past Lewis to the door, he would not be goaded into whatever the fuck this was. He liked his job and insulting one of his best clients wouldn’t be a good look.

Lewis however, didn’t get the memo Daniel was mentally reading because he grabbed him by the arm and pressed him against the other side of the column. Daniel looked at him with wide eyes.

“Mate, what the fuck?”

“A little birdie told you me you ‘fucking hate my guts’.” Lewis was smirking and Daniel felt his the bottom of his stomach give way. “And I figured, we could hash it out.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Lando really has no filter when he drinks, did you know that?”

Daniel knew his eyes were dinner plate wide, because Lewis’ smile was stretched across his face. His dimples were cute, Daniel thought idly.

“And how do you know Lando?” Daniel croaked.

“He’s friends with Toto’s son George. But we’re getting distracted.” Lewis flicked at one of the buttons on Daniel’s navy shirt. Daniel grabbed his tattooed wrist. 

“Look, I don’t care what Lando’s told you or George. I can be professional.” Because that’s how Daniel saw this. He could be professional, and like walk into traffic or off of a building. But like, professionally.

“Or,” Lewis said, “maybe we could fuck about it.” He said it like he was negotiating a new rate or budget and Daniel glared at him.

“Listen mate–” 

Lewis cut him off with a kiss, pressing their lips together and licking into Daniel’s mouth. It was sloppy and dirty and Daniel clenched Lewis’ wrist that he still held.

Lewis pulled back first, smirking spit wet lips at the dazed look in Daniel’s eyes.

“You’re very annoying, you know that?” Daniel muttered, licking his swollen lips.

“Go on.” Lewis pressed his hips against Daniel’s breathing out a groan.

“And you use a lot of words to say nothing. If you’re sending over actionable shit, just be direct about it.” Daniel groaned when Lewis pinched his nipple. 

“Be direct huh?” 

“Mhm.”

“Fine then, I want you to fuck me. Make me feel it.” Challenging chocolate met horny honey and Lewis licked Daniel’s lips.

“Yeah? Alright. Your place or mine?”