#contrary or weird to other people bc fuck that

[undead-potatoes]

Friendly reminder to all my queer peeps to be as weird and undefinable about your identity as your heart desires, the world is a better and more colorful place because of you and you make being queer such a joy, love you very much okay mwah mwah

[wlwanakin]

I don't understand this actitude about "why ppl want to make padme's life darker", specially when: a) the prequels are a train wreck, a tragedy, she literally dies at the end of the trilogy, the republic is deeply corrupt and impossible to save, there's a war, and she's an important political figure.

And b) This type of "complain" seems to only be deserved for Padme, bc fandom LOVES to hyperexaminate every single detail about the Clones, Obi-Wan, or even the most background Jedi character ever and discuss their trauma and whatever, so why when the analysis is about Padme that ppl complain?? What's appealing about her life being actually super nice and well-adjusted? Everything in canon literally points to the contrary; she fell in love in the course of three days, that's not something someone with a big circle of intimate friends and lots of emotional support does.

Even Mon and Bail, and Satine, all of them, we never saw a conversation that wasn't directly linked to politics or their work, Padme revelas very very little of her life. I know we love to joke that everyone in the senate and the Jedi temple knew she was with Anakin, but the fact that it was a secret that no single one of her so called friends knew speaks volumes (not counting the handmaidens).

Maybe is bc ppl want Padme to have other meaningful figures in her life so it doesn't look like her life revolves only around a man (jokes on them Anakin is a he/him butch), but the movies actually do show us she does have a lot going on her life, it's just that when it comes to emotional bonds, she *is* pretty lonely.

i left this sitting in my inbox for just a few days long enough for the discourse this in the context of to die but FUCKING RIGHT!!! all evidence points to padmé having the absolute garbage work/life balance and being interpersonally unfulfilled, and that’s not even a particularly dark observation to glean from her!! i just feel absolutely insane seeing people act like it’s inventing some grimdark tragic backstory to say a character has no friends and that made her weird about relationships. like the level of misogyny it takes to see that and be like “you’re reaching” in a fandom that acts like fucking obi-wan “first tragedy was experienced at 25” kenobi was crucified like jesus every day since birth is crazy to me. and people love acting like they’re doing a feminism by ignoring this pretty basic facet of her character because like you said they flatten anidala to her only being fulfilled because of a man (because they don’t realize that relationship is gay…so sad) but it just makes her boring to do that!! don’t fight the story!!!

[sonic-4-episode-ii]

heres a "quick" list of some hcs regarding physical disabilities, mental illnesses & other stuff that can impair function or is "odd" physically but i dont know the proper term for

might update this every once in a while but for now thats it

spoiler alert: its all chronic pain!

Sonic

Fibromyalgia, big-time. Uses massively thick socks to stop his feet from hurting too much while running.

DID, which starting developing when he was like....4. now that he's (mostly) gotten over his "just push everything down" era, inter-system communications are pretty strong, and he's friends w/ a lot of his headmates

doesnt have the best eyesight (in fact its p awful) but hes convinced he can still see well enough so he refuses to wear his glasses. WILL NOT wear contacts

has NPD

autistic. contrary to popular believe, he doesnt have ADHD

schizophrenia. idk which type or whatever. hes got the hallucinations.

has auditory and visual (???) synthesia which caused him to. make the sonic CD us sountrack. yeah

Tails

HoH, but doesn't like using hearing aids. A bad habit inspired by Sonic's refusal to wear his own glasses

OCD, huge-time. his paranoia can get so bad sometimes that he doesn't even trust Sonic. doing much better in that regard nowadays, though.

tic disorder, hits themself or has their neck turn the other way violently (hurts!!!!!!)

so obviously autistic they get a little embarrassed abt it sometimes

c-ptsd haver

Knuckles

Undiagnosed chronic pain, has no idea what's causing it. Fully believed it was emerald stealing karma for YEARS.

gets weird pinched nerves alot because of some of his old scars being close to nerve endings. ow

has bad eyesight but genuinely didnt realize for years

has a sort of? processing disorder thing? i dont actually know what it is. when you try to talk but actual gibberish comes out n you cant think. someone else had the same hc but i forgot what they called it. but he has that

does actually have a lot of trauma due to being alone for most of his life and being raised by nothing but a rock and maaaaybe some birds. crazy ik

Amy

Horrible, awful eyesight. worst perscription out of ALL of her friends

Hypermobile joints, which is part of why she has such a horrible posture (along w her dysphoria).

abandonment issues due to. yk. being abandoned by her parents, which ends up leading into her getting unhealthily attached to anyone who gives her the time of day (and she arbitrarily decides is totally the one for her)

Shadow

PTSD (canon)

mobility issues (canon)

NPD + maybe borderline...?

Rouge

pretty much 100% deaf, uses hearing aids.

has some kinda smt going on because of the way she grew up but fuck if anyone knows what it actually is.

Blaze

Had anorexia for years, which has caused a lot of muscle weakness. Now that she's in recovering, things are a lot better, but she still uses a cane most of the time.

has depression, anxiety and self-worth issues due to being bullied as a child. not just for her flame powers

double anxiety bc of people trying to take her shit

Silver

similar to Blaze, weak thanks to a really bad diet as a kid.

due to genetic mutations caused by radiation, contamination of drinking water & food, and extreme changes in the environment, silver has four arms

also a really weird immune system that flip-flops from being disturbingly strong to scarily weak (can eat actual trash somehow but a cold puts him out of the running for weeks)

anxiety + separation issues. tries to be stoic abt it tho

has dyscalculia And dyslexia, struggles with understanding english especially

Vanilla

chronic exhaustion + fibromyalgia from a young age. sort of worried cream will end up having it too

Cream

weak immune system due to lots of childhood illness. might not be able to be vaxxed bc of it

gets ear infections really easily, made significantly worse w all the dirt she kicks up from flying with her ears

unspecified panic disorder due to trauma. tries to stay brave

Charmy / charmie / charmee

constantly low blood sugar due to weird bee stuff + inconsistent diet as a kid

he thinks hes funny :/

might have autism and/or adhd

Espio

undiagnosed mobility issues. can climb fine, but has trouble walking and cant run. uses a cane

anxiety he refuses to talk abt to anyone except the other chaotix and, very rarely, silper

Vector

self-inflicted hearing loss. went to too many concerts

developed anxiety after taking care of charmy and espio for so long. thanks kids

Sticks

OCD. tends to unintentionally encourage tails's delusions. currently getting experimental therapy thats working rlly well

somehow has almost every possible vitamin deficiency

Eggman

tics similar to sonic and tails's

OSDD

NPD

Neo Metal Sonic

transfeminine metal sonic from the main au

chronic headaches after episode metal

joints tend to seize up when chilly for too long. although shes immune to water, its worse when shes cold

tics due to system errors / bugs she and tails cant fix. she doesnt actually mind them since it makes her feel more connected to her bros :]

memory problems also after episode metal

due to her memory problems she has to memorize stuff by repeatedly being given info and it takes way longer for her to learn things compared to other computers so i think she has a learning disability? bc of that?

has weird backwards sensory issues. lack of harsh lighting or metallic noises unsettles and can overwhelm her

might have NPD

has delusions. getting better at recognizing them, which helps her help tails more

Hyper Metal Sonic

second, transmasculine metal sonic from a spinoff au

self-induced chronic pain (wtf bro)

joints also seize up when cold

Sage

doesnt feel much physically, which leads to her getting bad injuries she barely recognizes for ages

autism beast

Scourge

popcorn lung due to smoking several packs of cigarettes daily so his voice sounds more gruff

everything sonic has also

[welcome-to-the-end-of-eras]

Pulleyverse MCs and How They Sleep At Night

In honor of the fact that I completely conked out after work and just woke up like 20 minutes ago at 2 am :^))))

Thaniel: he has no sense of personal space in his sleep. Just full on fuckin starfish. Mori absolutely does not mind bc Human Weighted Blanket but it takes so much fucking force to make him stay on his own side when need be. He will always apologize but there is not a force on earth that can prevent him from doing it.

Mori: he's definitely a sleep talker, but the kind of sleep talker who only says some buckwild phrase/sentence once and stops until like 45 minutes later. And since he can see into the future it's even fucking weirder bc it's stuff no one has heard of yet. I just picture him in the middle of the night saying modern shit like "wacka flocka flame" out of nowhere and scaring the shit out of everyone around him.

Merrick: SNORES. This man snores so loud I know it in my bones. Growing up Charles invested in a really nice set of earplugs because he could hear his fucking snores through the walls, and even created a will at the ripe age of twelve just so he could leave those earplugs to Merrick's future spouse so they don't have to endure it as well. It is LOUD. Poor Raphael thought there was an earthquake the first time he had to sleep in the same vicinity as him and has not recovered since.

Raphael: idk why but I feel like he sometimes just sleeps with his eyes open. He has them open when he like freezes and stuff so when he goes to sleep his brain kind of interprets it the same and his eyes just end up being open. Either that or he just ends up falling asleep in really weird positions that cannot possibly be comfortable, and gets really confused in the morning when his back hurts.

Joe: he has really vivid dreams. Not just about his memories and past lives and stuff, but he once was so fully convinced that a horse was walking around on the deck of the ship because he could remember seeing one in his dream, it took like five different people on the night rotation to convince him otherwise. And even then he wasn't 100% convinced.

Missouri: no matter what size bed he's sleeping on, he always sleeps stock still like he's in a small ass twin bed. I'm talking stiff as a board, not moving an inch just in case he manages to fall off of like a queen sized bed even when he's in absolutely no danger of falling off. He also seems like the kind of person who can fall asleep standing up for some reason.

Valery: fuckin blanket stealer. Shenkov literally bought himself a second comforter because he was tired of freezing his ass off at night, and still without fail he will end up without a blanket come the morning. He also seems like the kind of person who needs to have some kind of contact with the person they're sleeping next to, and if they move he wakes up immediately and is very much worried that they now suddenly hate him. He just wants to be Cozy your honor :(

Shenkov: he's such a light sleeper that even car headlights shining through the window will wake him up, so he HOARDS melatonin and other sleeping agents like it's gold. In modern times he would have like blackout curtains, white noise machines, sleep masks, the fucking works, as well as a very elaborate bedtime routine that he sticks to religiously to make sure he can sleep for as long as possible.

Bonus Rounds!!!

Flint: he always has to read something to fall asleep. If he doesn't have something to focus on before he falls asleep he will not be able to do it bc his brain just wanders too much. Conversely, he cannot read in the daytime because it will put him to sleep no matter how interested he is in the book.

January (I'm calling my shot with this one, we'll see if I'm right or not): he seems like the kind of person who needs to wear headphones to sleep properly, but he doesn't play any kind of soothing music; on the contrary, it's very dramatic and loud music that he gets very focused on, and that's what helps him sleep.

Gale (again, calling my shot): I feel like they have such a specific and densely layered white noise setting that just puts them to sleep immediately, but if it changes even fractionally they will not be able to sleep at all. Like if one of the twelve different white noise layers gets lowered by >1% they bolt straight up in bed.

[shoot-of-corruption]

The thing with Ryou Bakura

I am honestly weirded out how lighthearted some people play Ryou Bakura and then I read their "canon" tag. I mean AU Ryous are superb and fine and Ryou Bakura is s very handsome character, but in my head, he hasn't ever earned the tags cutesy, weak or boring.

Lets delve into a mind of one Ryou Bakura, who is still under the influence of the ring.

He has gotten the Millennium Ring during his childhood and bonded with it. We're not talking about his family circumstances or his life from before, whenever he lost his parents snd sister isn't really important to this.

The important thing is that Ryou Bakura has started out as a child, probably already losing time. First it's harmless minutes. Like maybe he was just taking a nap or he was not concentrating well. The less people are there to keep tabs on him, the more time he loses. He finds things that don't belong to him while other things completely go missing. He loses more time and sometimes, he doesn't remember how he got to where he is.

Most importantly, he is losing friends. He has most likely been bullied a lot and the little friends he has are falling into comas during gaming sessions. He uproots and travels on MULTIPLE TIMES so he can avoid getting lynched, because parents can be fucking vicious.

Nobody knows how long this has happened and then he comes to Domino. He has learnt to keep impeccable track of time and date, maybe he even has a diary for how much time he loses, just to keep an eye on it. So far, everything could be a row of weird coincidences. And then he finds out he is responsible for all of it. Or rather the thing in the Ring he wears is.

And that is the moment, where he stops being weirded out by it all and truly and directly emotionally charges himself. He breaks down and only gets up again to help his new friends not to be killed by whatever latched onto him.

Ryou, even after that, realizes he sometimes loses time, but he is relatively calm, since nothing bad has happened so far. The moment Duelist Kingdom starts no one knows how often Ryou is in control and how often Bakura is. He loses more and more time, sometimes IN THE MIDDLE OF A TALK and he knows it means trouble.

Second murder attempt and now he isn't just concerned, he is really afraid. Now he knows that the spirit cannot be banished and is sticking to him. Bakura keeps his cards close, maybe influences Ryou to not even realize that much what is going on... it's probably all a blur to him.

Then of course BC arc, where Ryou is CONSTANTLY close to dying. He doesn't know where he is, where are his injuries coming from, he transports from one location to the other without knowing how, his thoughts are constantly muddled, because Marik has his hands to the ellbows in there and Bakura shoves him to the back so he can control everything just like he wants to.

I personally think he doesn't remember the rest of BC at all thrown in and out of consciousness until he gets out of his head again, snatches the Ring and fucking books it...

We're at the point of the worst moments now, so get prepared. Ryou has been kept hostage in his own head for years, he has lost people to this, he has been taken over consciously and unconsciously, he has lost more time than he can even count anymore, his everything hurts, he is afraid that his brain doesn't even function anymore. The only reason because he is keeping it together is so he can keep his friends safe and show just a bit of bravado to the spirit, who knows how terrible he screws up this boy, but probably doesn't even care all too much, on the contrary.

I can very much see him pay 'his rent' to Ryou in unspeakable ways.

Imagine you leave the house in the morning to go to school. The next thing you know is that it is nighttime, you are in an area you barely know, you are soaked through, you wear completely different, DIRTY clothes, your pokets include items you have never seem before. Area's of your body are hurting. What day is it? What time? When have you eaten last? Have you hurt or killed anybody?!

I can see Bakura do this to him simply out of spite and Ryou never wanting to sleep again because he doesn't know where he will wake up. In what situations will he end up? There is no constant in Ryou's life anymore. He can't sleep well, ANYTHING could happen. He can't eat well, because he is in constant duress. He obsesses over things to forget his problems.

He is literally a constantly sleep deprived bundle of anxiety, who pretends to be socially capable, because if he gives in to the spirit, it's game over.

He keeps distance from his friends so he doesn't hurt them anymore and his friends don't seem to care sbout this a bit.

I want to really ask you, if you can see a sparkle of weakness or cuteness in a person, who is going through this EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

And the most mindbreaking thing for me is, how he even got through this alive. I wouldn't have, I can tell you that.

[oikasugayama]

OMG NO BC GENUINELY MORI IS SO FREAKING HOT 😮‍💨😮‍💨😭😭 like…the way that he would consume my life if he wasn’t a child kisser…genuinely concerning 😭 also silly little side note- before i actually got into bsd, I thought Mori and Fyodor were the same person 😣 Mori is dilf Fyodor. I won’t be hearing any other opinions.

But fr in all seriousness, ignoring his silly behaviors, he’s such an interesting and well written character. Literally Asagiri HAD to nerf him. His personality and motivations are actually so interesting. He’d be way too powerful bro. I’d lowkey be such a Mori apologist if he wasn’t a kid diddler 😭😭😖 idc what anyone says, Asagiri will totally give us some weird ass Mori redemption arc explaining why he (contrary to popular belief) only likes legal, adult humans (fukuzawa) TRUSTT 🙏

OMG ALSO!! IT ANNOYS ME SM WHEN PPL CENSOR MORI. IT’S AN ACTUAL NAME DUDE AND ITS DISRESPECTFUL ASF TO PPL W THE NAME

-🪐

There's this pic of young Mori smiling dementedly and it's so fucking hot I can't..... Even current Mori is such a DILF.....if he didn't diddle children....... Hopefully Elise, who isn't a person and is just a manifestation of mori's ability, is the only child knows... He was a surgeon and a combat medic so we know he didn't work with children thank GOD.

Asagiri really said "hm I made this dude too cool, he's a surgeon and he killed the Port Mafia exec, and he worked as a combat doc, and he has hella respect for fukuzawa, hmmmm... Too good, too interesting. People can't question why he's the head of the PM. Let's make him a pedo." 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I had to delete a whole paragraph bc I'm not trying to get the wrath of some antis on my case. I'll just finish this off by reminding everyone that all these characters are lines on paper, they're not real, fanfic isn't real either, people can discuss and write what they want and it is not a reflection of the ideals they support irl!!!! 💙

[essayofthoughts]

Scuttles in

I still think about the Tiefling AU ok

And given your recent blorbo-ing of Kash and Zahra, how that might impact Percy's dynamic with the later especially.

Do Zahra and Lilith teach Percy some tiefling culture basics? Thaumaturgy manners, or that one comic with instinctive tiefling head bonks? Tricks for hiding the horns under a hood ir shawl and making it look natural?

(Also, how Vex potentially sleeping with Zahra might throw a wrench in Kashra's development for a lil longer, maybe? 👀)

Ooh fun questions!

I think I've already said to you that contrary to my usual interpretation and belief, Percy and Lillith do bang in this AU bc Percy is dealing with some shit, not only trauma regarding the Briarwoods' attack and the loss of his family and home but also his own dysphoria due to his change of self, his utter loss of autonomy over how he presents himself and is percieved. And. Because of that baggage, he thinks that it's okay with Lillith because she's a tiefling. He's not passing on his corruption to someone else because she's already got that planar influence. He doesn't know why he's a tiefling now when he wasn't before and he's afraid that whatever taint infects him might infect others - but if someone's already a tiefling... it can't hurt them, right? They're used to it.

As for Zahra, I mean.

This Percy speaks Abyssal because of Orthax, and most tieflings speak Infernal. On the one hand this means Percy can listen in on the twins sometimes - they both speak Elvish and Abyssal (canon Percy knows the former and Celestial, in this he knows both and gains Abyssal after his change) - and on the other hand... this stands out as wierd to Zahra! Because she knows tieflings - Zahra, Lillith, Lillith's sisters (her other cousins) - and she knows they speak Infernal. So... it's definitely a first inkling for him that something's significantly usual what happened. Meanwhile for Zahra... I feel like it might make her wonder a little if that's why he's weird by tiefling standards?

She first finds out he speaks Abyssal because she goes to ask him, the other tiefling in the group, a very quiet, casual, in Infernal, "hey, everyone cool here?" kind of question. A "you know these people, they're not shitty about what we are, right? how worried/on alert do I need to be?" - and Percy doesn't understand her. He also made no move to ask her that in turn, which might be because he's familiar with most of the group but packed in with him speaking Abyssal and not Infernal just makes her think Weird and Wrong.

Thing is, Percy is pretty polite for the most part, so I can't really see him committing a social faux pas - he's so exacting about etiquette I can't see him really prying in a way that'd violate any unspoken rules of tiefling subculture - but because it's a new thing for him, I can see him just not observing it in ways that kind of blindside her? And for her, the way he keeps his tail tucked around himself when he doesn't need it for balance, the way he keeps his claws tucked away or under gloves, the way he seems uncomfortable with his tiefling aspects - that'd make her think of abuse (which she is canonically familiar with!) and wonder if he was taught to be ashamed of himself and kept isolated and that being the reason for his ignorance. So I can see her trying to gently teach him to be a bit more at ease with himself (and maybe some more tiefling subculture specific things, like getting a sense of each other's magic and when it's appropriate to use it, the little check in of "these people cool?", virtue names - though I don't think Zahra has one, or Lillith, but they are a tiefling thing).

This all said, on learning there's tiefling subculture etiquette Percy would absolutely absorb it like a sponge; boy gets so specific about social rules and is so careful not to fuck up. I really do get the impression that some of that is fuelled by anxiety (especially given how he splutters and gets awkward at other points - he likes to have a script, so I'd be shocked if he didn't have social anxiety or some overlapping neurodivergency).

As for that last point. Well.

As I figure it, Vex comes onto Zahra after the tomb because she wants somoene who isn't a mess over it and she wants to enjoy being alive! She doesn't want to have to hide her own emotions for sake of everyone else - she was he one who died, for fuck's sake, she should be allowed to feel her own emotions about it! And, well... yeah it hit her hard, but also she is really thrilled to be alive! (She is repressing hard, and has made her expressed opinion her only Allowed opinion.) And. Zahra is similar to Vex. They understand each other. So Zahra turns Vex down, but probably does talk to her a little, help Vex process things she was avoiding, and probably gives her hugs and cuddles. Vex does tend to seek to be alone when she's going through it, but I think someone who understands and doesn't judge her? I think she'd feel safe and also emotionally and pysically knackered, and so... sleep.

This probably does complicate things a bit for Kash though, at least until Zahra clears things up for him. I don't think it'd impede them much, but I do think it might prompt Kash to actually start to think about and process things more, having that tangible example of the kind of decisions one might make when not fully processing things.

After all, if he were to make the decision to take a risk with someone else rather than Z, because he's afraid of fucking up there - well, he'll probably carry that regret forever.

Send me asks about my fic ideas!

[palestinenatural]

went to a talk circle about palestine today out of curiosity -the pro-palestine movement in my country is in diapers and I wanted to check out the few groups organizing it- and. jskdk lol lmao. it was announced as a space to talk about palestinian politics and create posters for the protests this week but maybe ten people showed up. and they all wanted to sort out their personal feelings about the news and congratulate each other on how well-informed about the occupation they are and they kept relating it to local "liberal" movements that have nothing to do with SWANA politics. and they wanted to upload this to social media. they couldn't get past recounting the horrifying suffering in gaza,,,,their idea of "coming up with solutions" was to print some catchy slogans on a t shirt and do "geopolitical analysis" which truly did not go deeper than "it sucks that the usamericans keep intervening in other countries it's very sad and unfair."

we were the only three palestinians in attendance so we were like oh we have to guide this discussion it's so embarrassing that this is the best allyship our country can offer bdjfjf so we went hey isn't it outrageous how nearly word for word western powers are reusing lies they made up about Iraq in the 90s and ppl aren't realizing? what can we do to help them discern and remember these things? and they answered that actually ppl aren't falling for it bc social media is so descentralized these days. so we were like ok if you say so! hey in our experience the general public in this country does not even know where palestine is and they only hear about us when the violence of the occupation gets worse, so their only image of us is as terrorists. and some guy was like um no actually I don't see palestinians as terrorists so that can't be true. and we were like our literal lived experience has been that people's 1st question is "your surname is weird where is it from?" and their 2nd question is "oh you must have family in isis right?" you HAVE to believe us (the palestinians) when we say that this country is not ready to hear about support for the resistence -they don't know where any of these places are, they don't know anything about our society or language or art or music or literature or scientific production or history! cultural relations between both countries are non-existent so it would be an excellent first step to promote knowledge of these things. It's difficult to feel empathy for a people you only see as violent, or as perpetual victims, but these kinds of restrictive narratives do make it easier to accept the dehumanization of the population. the occupation has been so successful bc they know how (and have a lot of help and funding) to market themselves to the world, how to share their culture and achievements beyond the violence. that's why it took us until 2023 to begin organizing an allied movement! no one knows anything!

and these fucking people. said to my face that we can't share palestinian culture bc us influence is just too great :( :( even though I had provided firsthand evidence to the contrary. and they went right back to discussing how palestinian resistance movements relate to our local history. shut up shut up shut up!!!!!!!!! why are you here praising indigenous liberation movements if you won't listen to the indigenous participants!!!!!!!!!! and you can bet they didn't let me speak for long enough to suggest some starting points for learning about our culture and history beyond the occupation. since they want to see us as poor little cardboard victims they can whip out whenever they need to shore up support for controversial local politics so bad

[savnofilter]

okay!! since mofos still wanna kekeke and harass me, this will be my final post before i block everyone and get on with it!

it's very clear of who is sending me hate and you're actually weird as fuck. if what you do and enjoy is never that serious, why are you still posting, commenting AND subbing me? there were literally periods of time where i literally did not say anything, and even said for people to stop responding to me because i did not care what had to be said. but i was repeatedly brought back multiple times (which apparently means i am seeking out arguments bc i don't back away from internet people who try to intellectually one up me). mind you, again, subbing with no direct @ because y'all are pussy ass bitches--against someone you do not even know. to play pretend that you're so grown and edu'macated for literally bullying someone for not agreeing with you is insane work, really. then it's pretending you aren't encouraging me being harassed just because i don't think you need rape, incest, pedophilia etc in order for a work to be considered gothic or horror. 🥴

you would think that i was in that comments without any reason, just on my own volition and was just arguing with every and anyone and checking over 4 MONTHS (this is sarcasm for any ditzy bitch reading this) in a comment section that i kept forgetting it existed until another jobless twat wanted to go another round with me. the way that you keep saying the characters i write for are 14 when they're not?? 😭 considering i was their age when i joined this fandom and will not be writing them pass my twenties.

dark content, proship, etc. people like them claim how they are unbothered and living their full life of dark ecstasy, but cry about how they are harassed, get sent hate etc. but verbatim do the same thing to someone who hasn't gone out their way to interact with any personal works, favorites and so on. only because they do not agree on a subject matter... the so called "mature" side. just because im outnumbered doesn't make me wrong, bookie! at the end of the day, you all are still white, privileged pieces of shits who have nothing better to do than have one sided and weird ass beef with someone (me) who doesn't know or care about you.

i'll state my proper argument once and for all, which will be ignored because y'all are just bullies who picked someone random to pick on: on the contrary i do NOT have an issue with all dark content. as many antis like me only have an issue when it's glorified, sexualized and just produced or consumed in a way that diminishes it's importance. every story has a message whether or not you want to admit that or not, and it's time to stop pretending like people don't learn things from the things they consume. when works are heavily misconstrued is a very uncomfortable and jarring experience. many antis who are like me do not like the way it's handled (ie; lolita is NOT a romance story but had perverted into that idea). you are incredibly naive to believe that any and all ways to write dark content is inherently good and okay. it does not work like that for any other media, why is it excused for dark content? someone not wanting to see it portrayed like that should not be mocked for having boundaries. you lot want to be edgelords so bad. no i do not care about your past experiences, and YES it is normal for you to fall into such coping strategies but just because that's what happens under those circumstances does not make it "normal" for everyone else. you're just a byproduct of your abuse.

also thank you for continuously doing the work of posting about me and then directly sending me hate? also keeping the same cadence and speech as the way you type? cuz if you wanna keep throwing rocks and handing your hands you are a lewser. have fun making spare accounts to send me hate cuz all y'all will do is just resort to talking shit about me on your blogs AGAIN. 😭🤷🏽‍♀️

gothic literature post

-> @/bluebeardsfinalgirl post one, two & three.

-> @/wiltshired post / @/prince-luffy.

keep it cute, either say my name/directly @ me, or keep it off the playground.

[alexanderwesker]

hey! it's been a while since i asked anything on here, but i just had a few curiosities and hypotheticals that i was wondering about, so i figured i'd actually ask them on here for once ^^

1. (// slight atol spoilers) would thaw!george be like atol!george in that he's also actually the cc? and if so, why hasn't XD gotten bored of him yet in this timeline? is george even going to be in thaw? i feel like he will be eventually, solely bc he was also included under thaw in that one age post of yours, but idk maybe i'm wrong.

2. how did soot magically dip? right now i can only think of ender pearls and transport portals as the ways people can teleport to places in your world, but it hasn't been confirmed what he actually did in thaw. are there any other ways? did he use a transport portal, some kind of stasis chamber(seems unlikely, but i'm covering all my bases yk), or something else? also, i don't think i asked this before, but what is a transport portal? how would you go about obtaining one? and how does it actually work? does it need runes, bc i think i recall tbom!wilbur mentioning rune work when he got one from techno? if so and if that is what they used, did philza help with those ones too?

3. what did philza see in tommy in the latest theseus' home chapter? because it definitely isn't like what q sees. we saw tbom!philza look into wilbur's soul that one time, and it was very different from what q sees. like, ig it still showed the danger that the dark blue would show q if he knew about the significance of the magic color, just in a different, more explicit and detailed way for philza. but what was it like for thiloas(is that the right abbreviation?)!tommy? how is thaw!theseus' soul different from tbom!wilbur's? from thaw!tommy's? how does philza even peer into people's souls to begin with, like, does he have to stare into their eyes, or just stare at them in general (i'm sticking w staring so much bc of how big of a deal it seemed to be in theseus' home, maybe that's misguided of me though idk)? also why did he only get to see tbom!wilbur's soul for the first time in that moment when he looked into his eyes, what was stopping him before?

4. i also have some follow-up questions on illusions... like, what does it feel like to be under an illusion? is it uncomfortable at all? weird? and also what are they like when the illusion is of a different species? obviously, thaw!soot was just pretending to be himself but younger so we didn't see this with him, but if some hypothetical human were to put on an illusion of, say, fundy, would they get his heightened hybrid senses and the ability to shift as well, maybe by using up extra magic? or do they still only have human abilities and just look like they don't to the outside world? just how similar are illusions to the sky gods changing the ccs to be more physically and physiologically similar to their characters (besides the latter not requiring any runes or magic)? and this may be a stupid question, but are there any limits to animal/mob illusions? like, would i be able to be under the illusion of just a normal fucking bird if i wanted to? but then, if there are limits, then where's the line? would people be able to pretend to be sam or slime, or would they be immune to that because they're technically mobs too?

i have so many more, but i think these are the least spoilery to ask on here, so i'm saving the rest for later/elsewehere. feel free not to answer things though if you don't want to give something away, idm :]

thank you for writing, i hope that you're doing well ^_^

(i tried sending this a couple days ago, but tumblr said it failed :/ so hopefully it works this time..!)

It has been ^^ it's okay though ^^

To answer your questions:

1. This is a thing of the way I write my version of George's character, he's always both c! and CC! because of the fact that XD found it interesting to see what would happen if they did so. (Though in contrary of AToL, George isn't aware that what's happening is not only incredibly vivid dreams)As for why the Guardian hasn't gotten bored yet, that's because Chaos keeps happening, in AToL thing resolved in a manner that turned the dsmp story in a much less Chaotic story for XD's tastes, while in thaw the story just followed canon(of course with my adjustments to make the events realistic). George will appear once Quackity's ex-fiances show up.

2. Soot used a Transport Portal to leave LN. As for other instant transport methods there really aren't many in my universe, because the ones that exist are very complicated on the magic aspect and also if one gets their rune work wrong can be dangerous.

A Transport Portal is a crystal that has been bound to a location using rune work and using some slightly modified runes similar to those that allow opening portals to the nether dimension, it transport people instantaneously to the location the crystal was bound to once it's shattered.

Usually their are made by those that will use them if they are good with rune working but one can buy an unprimed crystal from an Alchemist (though here come in play the possibile danger of the alchemist wasn't too good with the runes).

Wilbur made his own with some help to Philza to pour enough magic into it(since he couldn't deplete is own for Illusion purposes)

3. For the first three questions you'll have to wait and see, sorry ^^". As for how Philza peers into people souls, it's an ability of his coming from his Angelhood, Angels always see people less like they appear physically and more in the way their soul looks. But because Philza is a Fallen Angel, he has lost the ability to see them all the time, instead he has to look into someone's eyes to be able to.

In TBOM, the reason why he hadn't done so before was because he was in denial over the fact that seeing souls was not as natural for him anymore.

4. Illusions are pretty interesting and as for what you can cloak yourself as there is virtually no limit, though as it is an illusion everything you can do in your 'new' for his limited to what you could already do normally. So for example: if you cloaked yourself in the Illusion of a bird, you'd look like a bird to everyone around you, yes, but you can't chirp if you don't already know how, nor you could fly or stand on a thin branch as your body weight is unchanged and people are much heavier than birds.

As for the question about if someone pretended to be Fundy, that is an interesting one, because virtually if they are good enough with runes(and not scared of the pain) they could make one complex enough to make it seem like they are shapeshifting... But that would require an unnatural amount of magic to keep up so it's practically impossible.

As for how it feels, being cloaked under an Illusion, feels kind of as if you had a film over your skin, it isn't uncomfortable per se but it isn't the most comfortable experience.

Hope the answers are satisfactory and sorry for taking so long to answer ^^"

Thank you for your questions, and I've been doing okay enough, just got sick .-. but otherwise all alright.

I hope you are doing well too and have a good day/evening/night^^

[c0rpseductor]

trying not to think about the verbs and failing listen ok i am going to be driven to madness

i have decided in my zygerrian conlang that tense is not like, part of the verb; past and future just get tacked onto the start of the sentence or clause as a totally separate word to indicate what’s going on.

the main thing happening with verbs is this insane game of who’s allowed to do what as determined by class stratification and stated permission from a superior. the pattern for a verb in many situations is [subject pronoun]-[verb]-[y/n][object pronoun].

so like, use cases. i do not have a big chart on my phone and I cannot be assed to get up so these are all going to be weird English lexicon zygerrian grammar sentences. bear with me.

He left my house without permission (I’m in charge of him, or we’re equals): Past [third person low status]-leaves-[no][first person high status] house of [first person high status].

He left my house without permission, and he’s boss of me: Past [third person high status]-leaves-[first person low status] house of [first person low status].

I don’t get to add the little bit indicating my permission up there because he’s boss of me, he can do whatever he wants. Including “without my permission” in the above sentence contrary to the pecking order would imply I thought he was acting wrongfully and it’d be a whole Thing.

My example sentences in the doc so far have mostly included verbs enacted on either people or other people’s belongings for this reason (as above, where technically the house is the object here, but the pronoun suffix indicates the owner of the house as hierarchical object because it’s my property and therefore doing shit to it is doing shit to me).

but the structure here works for objects owned by no particular anybody, too, bc there’s an object pronoun, and permission can just be ignored in that case. like, I eat an apple would be [first person whatever social standing]-eats-[third person object] apple.

i guess i’m thinking now what about plurals? what about if me and my friend both eat an apple. what if i eat two apples. what if i eat two of YOUR apples. that’s kind of important information and it can’t go on the verb (that thing’s already bogged down to fuck with prefixes and suffixes).

i could, in theory, add more pronouns. number seems like kind of an important thing, right? i think i read that in some languages it’s optional or not included but it seems like you should include it. i said earlier this language has 21 pronouns, which is only sort of true; there are 7 sets demoting status with 3 forms each (first, second, third person). i could add some kind of something to bump that up to 6 forms each (excepting the one that’s exclusively for the queen of the planet bc i cannot imagine she’d ever need to pluralize that and in referring to another like planetwide queen or like sheevy palps the proper pronoun would likely be, like, the one reserved for sort of mid-to-high-tier nobility and honored foreigners). i guess if you count separate forms english has a lot too though

honestly i might need to go ground up for plural pronouns bc there’s also mixed-status groups to account for. like a whole second system. blegh

as for like what if i ate two of your apples. that just requires pluralizing the noun. so my precarious verb arrangement for sick and insane people is safe

[literallyexploding]

(long ass) vent post

you really can't win with a lot of people fr bc they're gonna say you're faking mental illness if you act like you're ok but if you act any other type of way you're annoying and off-putting

also like idk I'm not TRYING to be miserable and things suck a lot less if you at least act like you're enjoying them but that doesn't mean Im doing well if I say I'm not

and these fuckers are gonna literally cancel me if I ever mention anything I'm thinking beyond the most vague allusions to a depressive aura. like people be like asking me questions about this shit and then getting mad at the answer like don't ask people about their trauma/bipolar/ocd/anything if you're not in a place to hear about it

"what are intrusive thoughts?"

oh they're whatever is the most evil and frightening to you and you kinda just get pop up ads for that shit all day

"ok well what ones do you have?"

and I start with light ones and they ask what other ones I have bc they don't sound that bad but then they get mad and don't wanna talk to you when you tell them the worse ones because no one listens to the part about it being the WORST THING YOUR BRAIN CAN CONJURE UP like bro I don't WANT to think about and see that shit all day it's INTRUSIVE and a DISORDER and I'm upset by it I'm not like wow! I really enjoy this live footage of my auto-disembowelment 20 times a day! this is my sexual fantasy! I didn't want to go to sleep tonight anyway I just wanted to think about this!

so few people actually understand me on any level and it sucks honestly it really feels as if no one really gets it sometimes and it's so isolating to be weird even to the weird people it's like I'm the wrong type of weird. like y'all like to joke about being weird off-putting delulu schizo autistic whatever the fuck i don't think some of you get that it sucks and it hurts to experience those things

it hurts every time someone asks if I'm a school shooter or gonna go off the rails or a sociopath or whatever else. everyone is scared of me no matter what I do to my appearance and how I try to act and it makes it so hard to meet people when you have to do all the approaching and leg work because no one wants to try to get to know you. Contrary to popular belief I do have feelings and empathy and sympathy it's just really hard for me to show it in a neurotypical emotional way I tend to just say how I feel rather than show it.

I have pretty thick skin and generally think it's funny to get insulted and DC whatever secretly enjoy it even but the one thing that really still hurts is knowing that people genuinely think I would ever hurt or kill someone on purpose. all I've heard from people my whole life is "I used to be so scared of you but you're actually nice!" which is usually meant well but idk it feels so backhanded after you've heard that you're "actually nice" 30 times because it's a huge shock. and the school shooter shit is just ridiculous honestly like what is your evidence here? that I dress in black and I'm not your sexy goth mommy I'm a little bit awkward and have unconventional interests? bc none of that makes you evil like at all

my friends being my friends ofc say I'm not super awkward and cold but the reality of it is that's how I come across to a large amount of people that I interact with especially with strangers and large settings and it doesn't help to look emo or whatever but one thing I'm not compromising on anymore is my appearance. people didnt treat me much better when I was somewhat within the guidelines of Christian womanhood like sure they called me pretty and hot but it's not like I had any more friends or a better life or more respect. I still scared most people bc nothing about me actually changed. like at least now I wear clothes I feel more confident in. imma look like this and those homophobic hating ass mfrs standing on the street yelling can eat my ass about it

the end (here's an Easter egg for reading this far)

[pollitech]

so many premades especially in the older games are actually not white and so many of them are just... brown. but they're never recognized as such by fandom and idgi. ig bc sims with the medium skin tone just don't register ? and, like, clearly not every sim in the game with skin 2 & 3 are not white since sims 2's unfortunate lack of options for skin tones means they're used pretty much both for sims that are just tan white people and sims that are well ... lighter skinned poc. but i swear people just decide that every goddamn sim with those skin tones are just tan white people even when there is evidence to the contrary. thus a lot of whitewashing ends up happening when y'all are just like Yup. this is a tan white person [lightens their skin by 2 or 3 shades] and see absolutely no issue with it. and as a whole it's easier to get away with it bc it's immediately obviously bad when someone makes a character like ophelia lighter than she should be (or it SHOULD be an obvious issue, but some of you are racist as fuck) but with many other characters there's kind of a free pass bc of the weird assumption of 'despite the fact this character is brown, and all other things that point to the contrary, this can only be a white person, obviously.' it's a problem on both sides with fandom and ea/maxis but there its a little more insidious bc THEY know these characters aren't white because THEY made them and THEY'RE the ones who made them brown to begin with and yet they still do this shit.

[thorsluvr]

quick tvdu unpopular opinions bc i like talking shit

psa: if you disagree w an opinion i have that’s totally fine but i only respect your opinions if you respect mine.

unpopular opinions (w little to no explanation)

klamille > klaroline. please don’t think i hate klaroline simply because i ship klamille which is not the case. i disliked klaroline long before i even began watching the originals and knew camille existed. just entirely too toxic for my taste.

i don’t like damon salvatore. just personally didn’t do it for me. don’t think i dislike damon because i like stefan that’s simply not the case i just don’t like damon.

there is no better brother/man. damon & stefan are both horrible people.

tyler had every right to be mad at caroline for sleeping w klaus. klaus killed his mom. that was all tyler had left. not to mention all the other fucked up things klaus did it was so fucked for caroline to sleep w him.

tyler lockwood deserved better.

seasons 1-2 elena > seasons 3-6 elena. damon-less elena was honestly my girl but once they got together her character went downhill so fast because contrary to popular belief, ELENA DID NOT CHANGE DAMON. DAMON CHANGED ELENA.

katherine was a good villain AT FIRST. but she got very corny very quickly.

the mikaelson siblings are sick & evil motherfuckers. i still love them tho i just know how to call them out on their bullshit.

elijah > klaus. just a personal preference. still love klaus.

elijah mikaelson IS my baby daddy. favorite character.

matt is over-hated.

delena sucks. it’s literally my least favorite ship.

damon should have been w rose & that is the hill i will die on. rose wasn’t gonna let damon get away w all the shit that he would do (besides like normal vampire stuff) and i wish they would’ve been together.

although i love him klaus is the most overrated tvdu character.

klaus’ abuse & trauma although heartbreaking does not excuse his actions.

the way elijah treated marcel is absolutely disgusting. especially when marcel was supposedly “family” to the mikaelsons.

i absolutely ADORE camille o’connell.

marcel had every right to retaliate towards the mikaelsons. they treated him so horribly. yes all of them even rebekah at times.

i like davina claire.

finn had every right to hate his siblings. if your crazy younger brother daggered you & kept you in a box for 900 years, and NONE of your siblings bothered to try and get you out…would you not be upset?

i want to ship steroline but i can’t. it seemed more like a pity ship than anything tbh. i don’t think stefan ever truly got over elena. stefan definitely loved caroline as their friendship was unmatched but i don’t think he ever truly wanted caroline in that way. it’s cute and i can see why people ship them but i just can’t as of now.

marbekah is hard for me to ship as much as i want to. rebekah literally watched marcel grow up then one day she just…had feelings for him? yea no.

marcel is overhated to death. i love that fine ass man.

seasons 3 & 6 were the best seasons of the vampire diaries. this is non-negotiable.

always & forever was the cause of the mikaelsons downfall from the beginning.

i love stefan. i don’t excuse his actions but i love him.

jolaric was my favorite alaric ship.

stelena sucks. in the beginning i didn’t care for it because i knew that’s how they were going to get the story moving along (elena meeting a vampire). but stefan being over 100 years old dating a 17 year old girl (it does not matter that he’s physically 17 and his brain never “fully matured”, i’m pretty sure being alive for over 100 years makes up for it) is weird. not to mention the fact he pre-stalked her and just showed up at her school one day. absolutely not.

warning: mention of abuse

kai parker did not deserve better. i like kai as a villain simply because he was a villain. a lot of times in tvd the writers constantly tried to make you sympathize w the villain and i feel like they didn’t do that w kai that much. yea he had a little sad backstory but it wasn’t enough & constantly thrown in my face to the point where i automatically felt bad for him & excused all his actions. that being said, kai killing his siblings & terrifying the mystical fall gang (aside from bonnie they kinda deserve it tho let’s be real) let’s not forget abusing bonnie was totally fucked.

warning: mentions of r*pe

damon raping caroline & katherine raping stefan should not be glossed over. trying to make one seem worse than the other annoys the hell out of me. they both did the exact same thing therefore there should be no trying to make them seem not that bad. no it wasn’t sexual assault it was rape. the MOMENT katherine & damon compelled stefan/caroline, the relationships became non-consensual. stefan was scared of katherine but she compelled him to forget and go on as they were. if katherine had never done that, stefan would have been able to make his own choices about the future of their relationship. same w caroline. not to mention damon was a grown man with & without his vampire age (23/25 physically and 100+ as of true age). so it would be statutory either way.

i have a unpopular opinions post for characters & ships in my drafts (they’re a bit lengthy tho) which i may post idk.

[dolugecat]

On some Japanese social issues I had learned about at uni and abroad):

(Rb ok!)

Legit had an epiphany about the true hidden meaning of the last arc of Mob Psycho 100. It’s hella projection but for real there is nothing neurotypical about Mob or Mob Psycho. I do not wish to enforce my interpretation on others (ironic bc I do that all the time but this is a serious social theory). There are some interesting and very sad social issues in Japan that the west really doesn’t understand but would I think help people understand a lot of context behind not only Mob Psycho, but also a lot of other anime. I learned this at my shitty university (prestigious but horrific) and while studying abroad in Japan and talking with Japanese peers. Get ready here we go (and tw for bullying and darker things):

Unfortunately in East Asian education systems, bullying can be extremely intense. Growing up I assumed it was over exaggerated extremely in anime for drama but it really can be so horrific. From what I’ve heard, there is often a single kid or so who is just shit on by everyone else, even the teacher. Mogami land *is* the reality of some Japanese kids. I’ve read that in Korea, this social punching bag sometimes is just the darkest skinned person (yayyy colorism /angry) and or someone who does not fit in. I mean, we have that in America too, but maybe not as common for the bullying to be as focused on one misfit rather than several. These kids just can’t escape the stigma too, kids from other schools find out they were a major victim at their old school and it starts anew. Thus there is so much stigma and incentive to join in on bullying so you aren’t the one. Sadly, this also ofc leads to higher suicide rates. That’s where the “shoe on building roof” anime trope comes in, bc somehow taking off shoes is relayed to death (I forgot why sorry)

There is a difference in how intense in general high school vs college is too. In the West, commonly college is the more intense curriculum and is harder than high school, but in Japan it’s usually the opposite. Grind suuuupppeeerrrr hard for entrance exams (huge standardized tests that determines what college you can qualify to) bc unlike the ACT or SAT here, that test is by far the most important factor for college admission. Then chill and relax a bit in college. Can’t relate. Name and prestige is very critical for job application, more important than here. That’s why planning out your future is sooo much more intense for Japanese high schoolers than in America, and why there is sooo much more pressure to excel in high school than here. Japanese school years and holidays are done different than ours, I’d suggest looking it up.

Social prestige of going to an American high school or college is nuts. Like whyyy do you value our shitty education, Japan’s is much higher quality (it’s bc we neo colonized them). Being able to speak English is very, very highly valued and any association with Americans make you cooler. From my experience, some Japanese students got very excited to practice speaking English with us, and their biggest issues with learning it is pronunciation, lmao. Wasai english is unique slang that is indeed English words but it’s kinda different and it’s kinda jarring to remember lol. So, Teru having parents that are working overseas isn’t too uncommon, idk about leaving him absolutely alone, but I did have a ex-friend who just came from Japan in middle school who’s situation probably wasn’t too far off from that. Empty wealth with no love, it’s no wonder those kind of people can end up being huge bullies (minori?)

I did a presentation on 引きこもり(hikikomori) for which means “shut in”, (like Serizawa) and it’s fucked up. It’s a social phenomena where according to some Japanese researchers a mix of undisciplined parenting, guilt/not living up to expectations, and hopelessness makes an alarming amount of youth/ young adults literally never go out side their house/room. Often a parent is “enabling” the behavior by supporting them, but idk the articles seemed a bit victim-blaming to me when I read it, but I don’t think I should make a judgement too hard, not my place. I will say I do suspect and believe I read something to support that ASD might play a role in hikikomoris (there is pitiful resources for autistic people in Asia, much much less support than even here, to the point I don’t think most know it exists). Like come on, with the other points I laid out my personal opinion as an Asian American with autism is that it really seems it’s unknowing ableism against autistic classmates, but I didn’t grow up in Asia so I don’t want to say.

Mental health in general is tragically quite abysmal in Japan, and with it being so hyper competitive and brutal work culture, it’s no surprise birth rate in Japan is so low; some Japanese young adults say it seems unethical to bring a life to such hostile world. Suicide rate is of the highest in the world. It’s fucked, I’ve interacted with some of the locals in Tokyo and they were so nice, but the business men just looked dead inside, it’s so sad.

Relationships between child and parent is also strained bc of this intense work and school culture. Quality time is too scarce when you gotta work so much. And the pressure from parents to do well in education or else you might end up socially stigmatized is rough. Bc your job is who you are, it’s hyper capitalism (thanks us for making them do this)

With autism being so unknown, support for parents in raising autistic kids is almost nonexistent. What happens if the “darker” side of ASD shows up in kids? I used to be a menace when I had meltdowns, I felt so bad but really just became so indiscriminately violent. See where this is going? Legit, I think ESP is a sort of metaphor for neurodivergance to ONE. There is so much stigma around it, and even less way for kids to understand why they are different than the others. My Korean family can’t admit we all got ASD, too much fear and internalized shame.

I got finally diagnosed with ASD as an adult and I’ll tell ya, I relate too much to Mob hurting Ritsu. I felt so bad, but also not in control, I knew what I was doing but not how to stop. Luckily, is was blessed in that my hyperfixations involved science and logic, so I did well at school. Sadly, our boy Mob just don’t got the passion or ability to do well at school. His kanji is very bad, even to point of not being confident he wrote a kanji (世) they learn when they are 9, in elementary school (thanks @katyatalks). Him being a bit berated by his parents for having bad grades and bending spoons seems harsh to Westerners I think, but IMO it’s pretty tame from what I’ve seen of some Asian parents (I get to say that lmao). Ofc, however the shaming is very real and Mob just agreeing with them about how weird and stupid he thinks he is so sad. There is even more pressure for the eldest to be better than here, I feel from some interactions. Nonetheless, it’s implied Mob is quite emotionally detached from his parents, even though he loves them, which also adds to his emotional complex. Combined with originally fragile self esteem and feelings of worthlessness, we got one emotionally stunted boy. However, contrary to common belief people with ASD are sometimes hyper empathic and experience emotions very intensely. We are prone to having “meltdowns” which if not assisted with can be quite violent if very intense. For me, my worse meltdowns as a kid came from when I didn’t understand why I wasn’t getting what I wanted, it seemed selfish and cruel of me but I couldn’t control it. I wanted to be a good kid, so why did hit my moms leg at target when she refused to buy me Pokémon toys? I couldn’t come up with a good reason for why my mind just commanded my body to do bad things, just a single thought was controlling me, I want I want I want I want I want ____. Which I argue could be what ???% represents… bc well…. Yeah….. hmm….. not in control of self (mob unconscious), selfish (not actually, I’ve forgave myself but my “normal” kid self was so ashamed), destructive, hurt family, wanting to stop but can’t, that’s kind of…. Too relatable.

But legit, since realizing my new HC, I’ve started to think of the last chapter of mp100 when I “explode” and it helps me feel better and I do gain “control” a bit easier. I don’t feel so bad anymore either, Mob!

[meltwonu]

✦ 👻  𝕸𝖔𝖓𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝕸𝖆𝖘𝖍 SEASON 2 👻 ✦

↪ ✧ TEMPORARY ROMANCE ✧

this chapter pairing; werewolf!seungkwan x vampire!reader

genre&warnings; werewolf!au, vampire!au, dom!seungkwan, brat!reader, ‼️knotting‼️, dirty talk, degradation, sixty-nine, size kink, friendswithbenefits!au, impregnation/breeding kink, ‼️cumflation‼️.

notes; HAPPY THURSDAY!! 😈 If anyone remembers a long time ago on my blog, and by a long time I mean like, maybe over a year ago, I said I didn’t rly write werewolf/abo/wolf-hybrid au/fic bc I wasn’t too comfortable since I’d never really written anything for it… 😮‍💨 So I really busted ass on this so if it’s not up to par, please don’t let me know LMAO I was experimenting and trying to come out of my norms a little bit!! 😭💕I was really excited for this chapter honestly, hehe because of that 😗✌️ Enjoy ch 3 and I’ll see you in ch 4 🧙‍♀️ HEH have a good rest of your day! 💕🎃 

word count; ~3000

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x

i want you to get stuck in my head;

i hear you over and over again.

don't make things so serious;

i don't mind, we'll be fine after this.

Seungkwan tells you again and again through the haze of alcohol and confidence - “I think you’d be so good at taking my knot.”

And you grimace in return, always - wondering why you even befriended him in the first place.

“Keep your weird alpha wolf things to yourself, Seungkwan.” You always reply back with a huff; breath shaky at the way he’d keep his eyes on you even after you reject him time and time again.

Tonight is no different as the two of you share a drink under the full moon; quietness taking over as the two of you sit and enjoy each others’ presence.

Except, it doesn’t last long as Seungkwan glances over to you - lips itching to say something when you put your bottle of liquor down.

“What if I liked you.”

“Huh?” You raise a brow at him, “How drunk are you, Seungkwan? That’s already skipping a lot of the weird drunk things you normally say after a few sips.”

He laughs back in return - eyes rolling before he takes a swig of his own bottle.

“Well, let me rephrase that, what if I wanted to fuck you really bad right now?”

You hum in response, taking in his words as your eyes flit over to the full moon looming over the two of you. “Is that some weird werewolf, full moon thing or just a Seungkwan thing?”

“I guess a little bit of both.”

Nodding, you set the bottle of liquor down next to yourself on the ground before laying down on the grass. “Wouldn’t we get in trouble for that?”

“What do you mean?”

“Jesus, Seungkwan, do you really think we’d get away with fucking each other and not getting each others’ scent on us? It’s probably bad enough that we hang out with each other - I get commented on how I always smell like wet dogs when I get back to the house.” Huffing, you cross your arms against your chest as you look at him leaning on his side next to you. “And don’t you… people, mate? Or something? Go get your rocks off with someone at your den or something.”

He sets his own bottle in the grass - uncaring as it tips over and spills into the dirt.

“Kinda hard to do that when I’m wondering if they’d be as good of a fuck as you.”

“Seungkwan… Are you okay? Be honest. You’re, like, skipping a lot of steps here.”

“Will you just admit you want to fuck me too? I could smell the way you were getting wet last time I told you how much I wanted to knot you.”

Oops.

You sit up as he leans in close to you - alcohol on his breath when his face is only centimetres from your own.

“Why didn’t you say anything about it last time then?” You whisper.

“Hah, and embarrass you like that? Anyone in a five mile radius could smell how badly you needed to be fucked.”

“Fuck you.”

“Well, on the contrary, that’s what I’m trying to do to you if you’d let me.”

You grit your teeth, “That’s not fair.”

“What isn’t fair?”

You push him until he’s laying on his back on the grass and you’re hovering above him; crimson eyes peering down at him as he stares up at you with an amused expression.

“Werewolf blood tastes disgusting so technically only you benefit from this, right? You get to do your weird sex, mating thing and I can’t even feed off of you.”

Seungkwan laughs loudly as you roll your eyes and lean away from him.

“That’s not true. You get a good fuck out of it, don’t you, baby? So let’s help each other out.”

You’d met Seungkwan around the time you’d just been turned - meek persona making him immediately want to protect you despite the major differences the two of you shared.

‘You’re new to this and you don’t have any friends so I’ll help you,’ he’d said - chest puffed out in confidence as you’d glued yourself to his side.

He’d been right too; the vampire that’d turned you had skipped town and left you with no guidance and no idea how to fend for yourself.

And despite the differences, Seungkwan had been extremely knowledgeable and did his best to help you catch your bearings before you’d met other vampires that had kindly taken you under their wings.

“W-wait, Seungkwan…”

In present day, everything felt new again as he laid underneath you - propped up on his elbows as you knelt between his legs. “I--Are we sure about this?”

“I am if you are. But if you think this’ll change too much between us, we can stop and I won’t be upset.” He smiles up at you and you bite the inside of your cheek.

You wanted him too - even if you’d never admit it out loud to anyone.

“Gotta say though, babe, you’re really cute when you’re shy. It reminds me of when we first met all those years ago~”

“Okay, now you’re being an asshole.” You sigh dramatically as you reach for the waistband of his jeans. “Next time, you’re eating me out until I say it’s enough, got it?”

“Anything for you, baby.”

You undo the button and zipper, gulping when he helps you push down his jeans and boxer briefs.

“Holy shit.”

Your eyes widen as you stare at his thick cock - mouth watering at how big he was. “I--oh…”

“Cat got your tongue?”

“S-Seungkwan what… What if it d-doesn’t f-fit…” Panic starts to nibble at you as his cock curves against his abdomen and you can’t take your eyes off of his size. “I--um… I don’t k-know what to say… Hah--haha…”

You can’t help but imagine how he’d feel inside of you; subtly trying to rub your thighs together to alleviate some of the arousal in your body when you remember that Seungkwan can smell you anyway.

“Oh, it’ll fit. Your cute ‘lil pussy can take me, I’m sure~”

You push all your shyness aside when Seungkwan offers to eat you out while you blow him - palms clammy as you get into position.

“Fuck, you’re so wet…” He mutters; hands on your ass as he spreads you open. “And you smell so fucking good…”

Seungkwan wastes no time as he slowly tugs you down towards his mouth - a shocked gasp leaving your lips when you feel his tongue gliding through your wet folds as he collects the wetness on the bed of his tongue.

“Mmh, o-okay…”

When you wrap a shy hand around his cock, you can’t help but whimper at the way you can’t even close your hand into a fist around his thick girth.

But you do you best to return the favor as you peek your tongue out - kitten licking the leaking tip as he groans against your wet skin. “Ngh, S--Seungkwan…” Muttering, you drag your tongue from the tip to the base, teasing him as he does the same to you.

You feel yourself getting more and more comfortable as the minutes pass so you take a deep breath before you’re wrapping your lips around the head of his cock - slowly sinking your mouth down around his length as you whimper.

“Fuck, b-baby…”

Your mouth is tight and warm around him as he pauses his movements to savour the feeling of finally getting to feel you - hips threatening to thrust up into your mouth as you get used to his size.

“Shit, if your pussy is as tight as your mouth, I might not be able to last long, baby…”

He gulps and brings his fingers to your cunt; dragging them through your wetness as you mewl and shake your hips above him.

Seungkwan collects your wetness on his fingers before he places his index and middle finger at your entrance - slowly sinking them in at the same time as you moan around his cock.

“Mmmnh…”

The two of you work in tandem; Seungkwan scissoring and curling his digits inside of you as you take more and more of his cock into your mouth until the head of it taps your gag reflex.

He thrusts up into your mouth as you whine and try to fuck yourself on his fingers - pleasure building up quickly when he curves his fingers right into your sweet spot.

“Fuck, can I just fuck you already, baby? Your mouth feels so fuckin’ good around me and your pussy is so fucking wet… Your body is begging me to breed it.”

Oh.

A shiver rolls down your spine as you pause and take in his words - your walls clamping down onto his fingers as he grins and immediately pulls his sticky digits from inside of you.

“Is that what got you? Me saying how I wanted to breed your pussy?” Seungkwan laughs as he goes in to lick your wetness off of his fingers, “I’ve thought about it so much, baby~ You know, you might’ve always thought that I was joking about knotting you but… Ah, you’d look so pretty while my cock swells in your pretty ‘lil cunt and my cum fills you up so much that you’re swollen with it~”

You pull off of his cock - lips chapped as a thread of precum connects your trembling lips to the head of his cock.

“M-more… T-tell me m-more…”

Your voice is hoarse as Seungkwan starts to maneuver you into a different position; body buzzing with newfound energy when he situates you on your hands and knees with your ass in the air.

“Mm, you think my cock is too big for you right now but… Well, I guess you’ll just find out, right, baby? Tell me, have you ever imagined how I’d feel inside of you?”

“I--h-have you thought about m-me?”

“All the time~” He grins at your back before he slightly pushes you upper half down - his shirt spread out underneath you the only thing separating you from the dewy grass.

“I, a-ah, m-maybe thought about it, ngh, a--a few times after we had drinks but, mmh, t-that’s it…”

“Oh? So all those times that I told you about how you’d be so good at taking my knot, you actually were thinking about it?” Seungkwan teases.

“Fuh--fuck, yes! Yes I did, okay?! Now can you just f-fuck me, please?!” You dig your hands into the fabric underneath you - mildly embarrassed that he’d been right all along.

“As you wish~”

You feel the head of his cock teasing your entrance as you hold your breath knowing that he was a lot bigger than anyone else you’d ever been with.

“Relax or else I’ll end up hurting you, baby~ Your pussy already felt so tight around my fingers so I know it’s going to be a tight squeeze~”

Taking a deep breath, you try to do as he says as you relax all your muscles but the second he starts to sink his cock into you - you can’t help but tense up at the way he immediately stretches out your pussy.

“O-oh, g-god, Seungkwan… Fuck, Seungkwan!”

He goes slow and lets you adjust before he continues to inch in little by little - soothing your lower back as he whispers soft praises.

“You’re doing so well, baby~ I don’t think all of my cock is going to fit inside… Your pussy can barely take me, I bet you can feel it in your stomach, hmm?”

You nod feverishly as you slowly start to work your hips back; subtly trying to fuck yourself on his cock once you get comfrotable.

“Ngh, you’re so--so deep inside of me… Mmnh, hurry, S-Seungkwan I--I need to be bred so badly…”

He grits his teeth as he fights the animalistic side of him that wants to pin you down and use your pussy to his liking.

“Don’t try me, baby.”

“Ah, but---but I want it…” You mewl - giving into the delirium but half blaming it on the full moon still high above the two of you. “D-don’t you want me s-swollen with your p-pups…?”

Seungkwan gives you a few more minutes of adjusting to his size before he’s starting a hasty pace; his thick cock stretching you and making you cry out in pleasured moans as you soak his length with your wetness.

“Fuck, every time I had to fuck someone during my heat, all I could think of was you,” He growls, “I couldn’t even give any of them my knot because I knew it wasn’t you.”

His hips piston into your ass as your body rocks forward with his powerful thrusts - mouth permanently agape as drool spills from your lips and onto the measly fabric underneath you.

“S-shit, oh my god, Seungkwan…! Please--please, I wanna, ah, f-feel all of you…”

He peers down at where the two of you are connected; licking his lips as he pauses for a second before he sinks in his entire length up to the base.

“How’s it feel knowing your tiny ‘lil cunt is stretched around my cock, huh? Nobody is ever going to fill you up just like I can~ Hah, there’s probably not even enough room for my cum anymore, baby~”

You clamp down onto him and start to work your hips back - trying to get him to resume his pace as you pant.

“I--fuck, I don’t c-care… You’re not--not moving fast enough, Seungkwan!”

He slaps your ass once as you whimper and arch your back; toes curling when he does exactly what you wanted all along.

“Don’t get bratty with me or else I won’t,” He growls, “Can you imagine? I’d leave you here with your pretty ass up in the air, pussy stretched wide but feeling so empty without me fucking it like the good ‘lil cocksleeve you are. And then you’d have to go home all alone… Probably try to get off by yourself, huh?”

“O--okay, okay!” Muttering, you do your best to keep the snarky comments to yourself as Seungkwan slowly starts to hasten his pace.

“You’re soaking my cock so much though, baby… Every time I pull out of you, it  gets wetter and wetter~

“Mmnh, you a-always talk about knotting me so--so fucking do it… I, a-ah, wanna feel it for m-myself…”

He licks his lips as he reaches a hand around your body - softly caressing your stomach as you bite your lip.

“You feel me pouding your cunt right here, don’t you? My cock is fucking you so deep and once I cum, you’re gonna be swollen with it - with my pups when I get you fucking pregnant.”

Seungkwan lets out a growl and starts to feel his cock throbbing after a few minutes and you feel yourself teetering on the edge of an orgasm yourself when he slides his hand from your stomach to your clit as you cry out.

“I want you to cum first though, baby… ‘Cause once I do, I know you’re gonna run that pretty ‘lil mouth of yours.” He retorts teasingly.

“F-fuck you… Ngh, fuck, p-play with my clit h-harder… I want it h-harder and f-faster…”

He pinches your clit as you mewl and arch your back; thighs trembling as your orgasm starts to crest.

“O-oh, Seungkwan…!”

It takes a few more quick snaps of his hips before the pleasure hits you hard - toes curling and walls fluttering around his cock as he bites his bottom lip and staves off his own pleasure to let you ride out your own.

“That’s right, baby… Get my cock nice ‘n wet before I give you want you really want and breed this filthy ‘lil cunt~”

His words sound fuzzy and faraway as you ride out your pleasure; Seungkwan still fucking you through it even when it starts to fizzle away.

Your body feels tired but you know you’re nowhere near done when you hear him growl - his grip on you tightening as he pinches your overly sensitive clit one last time before you feel his blunt fingernails digging into the skin of your waist.

“Now you’re gonna be a good ‘lil cocksleeve and take my knot.”

Whimpering, all you can do is nod back in return as you let Seungkwan chase his pleasure; already gasping when you start to feel it.

“O-oh my g-god…”

Your breath hitches when Seungkwan thrusts into you one final time before he starts to grind against your ass instead and you feel his cock throbbing before it starts to swell inside of you.

“Oh my--my god, oh my god…! Seungkwan!”

You all but tear into the fabric underneath you as he starts to unload his hot cum into your pussy - the sheer amount of it almost making you pass out as your body adjusts to accept it all.

“Fuh--fuck… you’re c-cumming so m-much inside of me…” You sob quietly; body buzzing as your stomach only swells more and more as Seungkwan continues to cum. “Ngh, a-ah, Seungkwan… H-holy s--shit, I--mmnh… I’m--I’m...”

The words die on your tongue as you try to catch your breath and adjust to the new feelings and sensations.

And Seungkwan grits his teeth as his cock continues to swell inside your cunt - stretching you to your limits as you do your best to take it all.

“Guess everyone is just gonna have to accept this relationship whether they like it or not, huh, baby? You’re gonna be smelling like me for weeks at this rate~ My cum is gonna be inside of this pretty ‘lil cunt for a while.”

He grins at your back as you whimper back in return - the thought of him actually impregnating you with his pups making you feel lightheaded.

“H-how m-much, ngh, m-more are you--you going to cum…?” Crying out, the urge to orgasm a second time making your teeth chatter as Seungkwan keeps your pussy plugged up with his knot.

“I’ve been saving it all up for you, baby~ I’m just going to keep cumming inside your pussy until I’m satisfied~” He chuckles darkly as he leans over your back; his warm chest meeting your back as you moan.

“Once I can tell you’re nice and bred and swollen with my pups, I’ll think about letting you cum again, okay? For now, let’s see how long you can last with my knot stretching you out just like this~”