#contrary or weird to other people bc fuck that

[undead-potatoes]

Friendly reminder to all my queer peeps to be as weird and undefinable about your identity as your heart desires, the world is a better and more colorful place because of you and you make being queer such a joy, love you very much okay mwah mwah

[kings-highway]

also in honour of my new phone, here are some phone based haikyuu headcanons for the bastards. usual ships apply. below the split bc its l o n g !

- Daichi resists getting a new phone like his life depends on it. he will repair, refurbish and reuse the one he has for as many years as humanly possible. when he does eventually get forced by time or circumstance to get a new one he is incredibly contrary to anything with new features and would like one that was like his old phone, thank you

- contrarily, Sugawara needs to be talked down from getting every new phone that gets released and voiding his 2 year contract. he's not even a brand loyalist literally just any new phone.

- yamaguchi is an iphone loyalist and has unironically said the "idk man the layout is just so easy :("bc he's clinging to the idea that there's some kind of social clout with iphones

- tsukishima fcking hates this and its one of the only real arguments yamaguchi and him have. tsukishima has some weird obscure phone brand that's apparently way higher tech but isn't compatible with most mass produced equipment

- noya has a cracked phone screen and has always had a cracked phone screen and sugawara is concerned about him because he's pretty sure he got a new phone recently, but the screen is cracked...

- asahi has the highest quality phone case you can get. he's not concerned about being clumsy, he's concerned about noya getting to his phone too.

- kiyoko has the cutest fucking phone case you can imagine. it's so pretty and artsy and nice

- yachi put cute stickers on her phone case

- kageyama has never thought more than eight seconds about his phone and just buys whatever the hell the guy at the kiosk tells him to.

- Oikawa likes nice phones and likes having something he can show off passively so he's always offering to take selfies/pictures because his phone camera is incredible

- iwaizumi also has a very cracked phone screen and he pretends like he has no idea how this happened but the truth is he knows exactly how it happened, he dropped it off a second floor balcony and doesnt want to admit it

- makki once lost his phone down a sewer grate

- ushijima had been using his parents old phones most of his life, so when he needs to get a new one, Leon, Tendou and Semi all fight over trying to help him and pitching their own preferences for what's "best"

- Tendou buys ushiwaka a little volleyball phone charm that he thinks is the funniest thing in the world. Tendou will catch him just, like, flicking it around in great amusement and nobody can figure out what about it he finds so entertaining

- Tendou has a French interface/language setting that is his default and literally nobody on the team who saw him using this assumed he spoke the language they all just thought he was Like That

- Semi has a broken phone screen also.

- Goshiki also has a broken phone screen. He saw a spider and panicked and dropped it.

- Bokuto doesnt have a cracked phone screen and this consistently surprises people

- Akaashi does have a cracked phone screen and he gets mad if someone asks about it

- Akaashi also always has a very nice phone and tends to upgrade pretty frequently. He's got all the fancy pieces too, wireless headphones and brand name charging cable.

- Kuroo has a phone so old it should be a crime to keep it alive

- Kenma's phone is his least favourite piece of tech he carries. it doesnt even have any good games. He sort of hates dragging it around because all it can do is text or call other people and why would he want to do that? He does have a cute case though.

- Fukunaga has a broken phone and when someone asks how it happened he just giggles.

- shocking everyone, Sakusa actually is pretty interested in updating his phone and having nice things. He just doesnt bother advertising his nice stuff/which brand/what features

- Kita is infamous for not replying to texts. It surprises people because he's so consistent in everything else, but because of those routines he doesnt get easily distracted and doesnt check his phone while on tasks. So if you need something from him between the hours of 3-7 you're out of luck because those are the hours he's doing homework, yardwork, and cleaning, and he simply will not think to look at his phone. It sits on his bedside table in his room, forgotten.

- Atsumu once broke his phone screen and tried to pass it off as Osamu's and this didnt work for literally just any of the million reasons it wouldnt

- Aran still complains about flip phones going away.

- Suna has some fancy phone thats super high powered and high tech and the twins still make fun of him for not having whatever phone is most popular at any given time. Suna is incredibly protective of his phone and won't let other people use it for anything.

Phone Background Headcanons! - ships included here!

- Daichi had one of the random free backgrounds for like two years until he started dating Suga and switched it to a picture of them (at suga's behest he do so)

- Suga has some really old selfie with Asahi and Daichi from their first year in which they all look terrible but it always makes him smile so he keeps it

- Asahi has a picture of the sunset he took

- Noya has some stupid motivational quote

- Yamaguchi and Tsukki have matching phone screens, two halves of the same photo. Tsukki got heavily coerced into this, but really doesnt mind

- Hinata has some weird volleyball moodboard he found online he thought looked cool

- Kageyama has the preset background. Hinata changes this to one of them after they start dating. Kageyama cant do anything about it because he doesnt know how to change it.

- Kiyoko has a picture of her family

- Yachi has a some pretty aesthetic patterned background

- Oikawa has a team photo of the seijoh 4 as his lockscreen, but his phone screen is just iwa making a goofy face (He hadnt known a photo was being taken)

- Iwa has a very, very nice photo of Oikawa. He had always insisted 100% that he would never do it, but the photo was just so perfect and he looked so nice he broke his rule

- Makki and Mattsun have matching phone screens that put together make their hands make a heart. The weird thing is they did this when they werent dating.

- Tendou changes his phone background often to whatever photo he thinks is funniest or cutest at any given time. Changes pretty much once a week.

- Ushijima has a picture of him and Tendou that often shocks people because it's very cute and romantic and then he'll just be staring back at them irl with his characteristic impassivity and people arent sure if the photo is really him or some weird doppelgangar.

- Semi has some cool aesthetic music background people make fun of him for

- Leon has a picture of his dog, probably

- Bokuto has a picture of himself

- Akaashi is too anxious to personalize his phone so he keeps it preset. Eventually Bokuto sets it to a picture of himself. (Before they started dating. Akaashi oddly never changed it...)

- Kuroo has a very bedhead-early-morning picture of Kenma

- Kenma has the main character from one of his favourite games. Kuroo cannot convince him to set him as his screen. The more he insists, the stronger Kenma gets

- Lev probably has an anime girl for his background. I love him but.

- Sakusa has that auto rotate feature for a collection of stock footage of landscapes

- Atsumu changes his background pretty frequently because he cant decide. half the time he puts the most terrible photo he can find of his friends

- Osamu just has some old photo from a family vacation, probably including a dog that has since passed away he cant bear to change

- Kita had a team picture set as his lockscreen - he has a picture of Aran for his homescreen, but nobody knows this since he never uses his phone in public.

- Aran set a picture of Kita the second they started dating. He rotates it out based on his favourite picture of the month.

- Suna has some stupid "warning" to whoever is reading it to put his phone down if they havent been given permission

---

my new phone has ! in the place my old phone had , so this post really wanted to be very excited. petition to put headphone jacks back in phones. got myself some unpopular phone the guy had to call his supervisor to learn how to sell bc it was the only model with a headphone jack and he'd never process the sale for one before. I'll die on this hill.

[wlwanakin]

I don't understand this actitude about "why ppl want to make padme's life darker", specially when: a) the prequels are a train wreck, a tragedy, she literally dies at the end of the trilogy, the republic is deeply corrupt and impossible to save, there's a war, and she's an important political figure.

And b) This type of "complain" seems to only be deserved for Padme, bc fandom LOVES to hyperexaminate every single detail about the Clones, Obi-Wan, or even the most background Jedi character ever and discuss their trauma and whatever, so why when the analysis is about Padme that ppl complain?? What's appealing about her life being actually super nice and well-adjusted? Everything in canon literally points to the contrary; she fell in love in the course of three days, that's not something someone with a big circle of intimate friends and lots of emotional support does.

Even Mon and Bail, and Satine, all of them, we never saw a conversation that wasn't directly linked to politics or their work, Padme revelas very very little of her life. I know we love to joke that everyone in the senate and the Jedi temple knew she was with Anakin, but the fact that it was a secret that no single one of her so called friends knew speaks volumes (not counting the handmaidens).

Maybe is bc ppl want Padme to have other meaningful figures in her life so it doesn't look like her life revolves only around a man (jokes on them Anakin is a he/him butch), but the movies actually do show us she does have a lot going on her life, it's just that when it comes to emotional bonds, she *is* pretty lonely.

i left this sitting in my inbox for just a few days long enough for the discourse this in the context of to die but FUCKING RIGHT!!! all evidence points to padmé having the absolute garbage work/life balance and being interpersonally unfulfilled, and that’s not even a particularly dark observation to glean from her!! i just feel absolutely insane seeing people act like it’s inventing some grimdark tragic backstory to say a character has no friends and that made her weird about relationships. like the level of misogyny it takes to see that and be like “you’re reaching” in a fandom that acts like fucking obi-wan “first tragedy was experienced at 25” kenobi was crucified like jesus every day since birth is crazy to me. and people love acting like they’re doing a feminism by ignoring this pretty basic facet of her character because like you said they flatten anidala to her only being fulfilled because of a man (because they don’t realize that relationship is gay…so sad) but it just makes her boring to do that!! don’t fight the story!!!

[sonic-4-episode-ii]

heres a "quick" list of some hcs regarding physical disabilities, mental illnesses & other stuff that can impair function or is "odd" physically but i dont know the proper term for

might update this every once in a while but for now thats it

spoiler alert: its all chronic pain!

Sonic

Fibromyalgia, big-time. Uses massively thick socks to stop his feet from hurting too much while running.

DID, which starting developing when he was like....4. now that he's (mostly) gotten over his "just push everything down" era, inter-system communications are pretty strong, and he's friends w/ a lot of his headmates

doesnt have the best eyesight (in fact its p awful) but hes convinced he can still see well enough so he refuses to wear his glasses. WILL NOT wear contacts

has NPD

autistic. contrary to popular believe, he doesnt have ADHD

schizophrenia. idk which type or whatever. hes got the hallucinations.

has auditory and visual (???) synthesia which caused him to. make the sonic CD us sountrack. yeah

Tails

HoH, but doesn't like using hearing aids. A bad habit inspired by Sonic's refusal to wear his own glasses

OCD, huge-time. his paranoia can get so bad sometimes that he doesn't even trust Sonic. doing much better in that regard nowadays, though.

tic disorder, hits themself or has their neck turn the other way violently (hurts!!!!!!)

so obviously autistic they get a little embarrassed abt it sometimes

c-ptsd haver

Knuckles

Undiagnosed chronic pain, has no idea what's causing it. Fully believed it was emerald stealing karma for YEARS.

gets weird pinched nerves alot because of some of his old scars being close to nerve endings. ow

has bad eyesight but genuinely didnt realize for years

has a sort of? processing disorder thing? i dont actually know what it is. when you try to talk but actual gibberish comes out n you cant think. someone else had the same hc but i forgot what they called it. but he has that

does actually have a lot of trauma due to being alone for most of his life and being raised by nothing but a rock and maaaaybe some birds. crazy ik

Amy

Horrible, awful eyesight. worst perscription out of ALL of her friends

Hypermobile joints, which is part of why she has such a horrible posture (along w her dysphoria).

abandonment issues due to. yk. being abandoned by her parents, which ends up leading into her getting unhealthily attached to anyone who gives her the time of day (and she arbitrarily decides is totally the one for her)

Shadow

PTSD (canon)

mobility issues (canon)

NPD + maybe borderline...?

Rouge

pretty much 100% deaf, uses hearing aids.

has some kinda smt going on because of the way she grew up but fuck if anyone knows what it actually is.

Blaze

Had anorexia for years, which has caused a lot of muscle weakness. Now that she's in recovering, things are a lot better, but she still uses a cane most of the time.

has depression, anxiety and self-worth issues due to being bullied as a child. not just for her flame powers

double anxiety bc of people trying to take her shit

Silver

similar to Blaze, weak thanks to a really bad diet as a kid.

due to genetic mutations caused by radiation, contamination of drinking water & food, and extreme changes in the environment, silver has four arms

also a really weird immune system that flip-flops from being disturbingly strong to scarily weak (can eat actual trash somehow but a cold puts him out of the running for weeks)

anxiety + separation issues. tries to be stoic abt it tho

has dyscalculia And dyslexia, struggles with understanding english especially

Vanilla

chronic exhaustion + fibromyalgia from a young age. sort of worried cream will end up having it too

Cream

weak immune system due to lots of childhood illness. might not be able to be vaxxed bc of it

gets ear infections really easily, made significantly worse w all the dirt she kicks up from flying with her ears

unspecified panic disorder due to trauma. tries to stay brave

Charmy / charmie / charmee

constantly low blood sugar due to weird bee stuff + inconsistent diet as a kid

he thinks hes funny :/

might have autism and/or adhd

Espio

undiagnosed mobility issues. can climb fine, but has trouble walking and cant run. uses a cane

anxiety he refuses to talk abt to anyone except the other chaotix and, very rarely, silper

Vector

self-inflicted hearing loss. went to too many concerts

developed anxiety after taking care of charmy and espio for so long. thanks kids

Sticks

OCD. tends to unintentionally encourage tails's delusions. currently getting experimental therapy thats working rlly well

somehow has almost every possible vitamin deficiency

Eggman

tics similar to sonic and tails's

OSDD

NPD

Neo Metal Sonic

transfeminine metal sonic from the main au

chronic headaches after episode metal

joints tend to seize up when chilly for too long. although shes immune to water, its worse when shes cold

tics due to system errors / bugs she and tails cant fix. she doesnt actually mind them since it makes her feel more connected to her bros :]

memory problems also after episode metal

due to her memory problems she has to memorize stuff by repeatedly being given info and it takes way longer for her to learn things compared to other computers so i think she has a learning disability? bc of that?

has weird backwards sensory issues. lack of harsh lighting or metallic noises unsettles and can overwhelm her

might have NPD

has delusions. getting better at recognizing them, which helps her help tails more

Hyper Metal Sonic

second, transmasculine metal sonic from a spinoff au

self-induced chronic pain (wtf bro)

joints also seize up when cold

Sage

doesnt feel much physically, which leads to her getting bad injuries she barely recognizes for ages

autism beast

Scourge

popcorn lung due to smoking several packs of cigarettes daily so his voice sounds more gruff

everything sonic has also

[welcome-to-the-end-of-eras]

Pulleyverse MCs and How They Sleep At Night

In honor of the fact that I completely conked out after work and just woke up like 20 minutes ago at 2 am :^))))

Thaniel: he has no sense of personal space in his sleep. Just full on fuckin starfish. Mori absolutely does not mind bc Human Weighted Blanket but it takes so much fucking force to make him stay on his own side when need be. He will always apologize but there is not a force on earth that can prevent him from doing it.

Mori: he's definitely a sleep talker, but the kind of sleep talker who only says some buckwild phrase/sentence once and stops until like 45 minutes later. And since he can see into the future it's even fucking weirder bc it's stuff no one has heard of yet. I just picture him in the middle of the night saying modern shit like "wacka flocka flame" out of nowhere and scaring the shit out of everyone around him.

Merrick: SNORES. This man snores so loud I know it in my bones. Growing up Charles invested in a really nice set of earplugs because he could hear his fucking snores through the walls, and even created a will at the ripe age of twelve just so he could leave those earplugs to Merrick's future spouse so they don't have to endure it as well. It is LOUD. Poor Raphael thought there was an earthquake the first time he had to sleep in the same vicinity as him and has not recovered since.

Raphael: idk why but I feel like he sometimes just sleeps with his eyes open. He has them open when he like freezes and stuff so when he goes to sleep his brain kind of interprets it the same and his eyes just end up being open. Either that or he just ends up falling asleep in really weird positions that cannot possibly be comfortable, and gets really confused in the morning when his back hurts.

Joe: he has really vivid dreams. Not just about his memories and past lives and stuff, but he once was so fully convinced that a horse was walking around on the deck of the ship because he could remember seeing one in his dream, it took like five different people on the night rotation to convince him otherwise. And even then he wasn't 100% convinced.

Missouri: no matter what size bed he's sleeping on, he always sleeps stock still like he's in a small ass twin bed. I'm talking stiff as a board, not moving an inch just in case he manages to fall off of like a queen sized bed even when he's in absolutely no danger of falling off. He also seems like the kind of person who can fall asleep standing up for some reason.

Valery: fuckin blanket stealer. Shenkov literally bought himself a second comforter because he was tired of freezing his ass off at night, and still without fail he will end up without a blanket come the morning. He also seems like the kind of person who needs to have some kind of contact with the person they're sleeping next to, and if they move he wakes up immediately and is very much worried that they now suddenly hate him. He just wants to be Cozy your honor :(

Shenkov: he's such a light sleeper that even car headlights shining through the window will wake him up, so he HOARDS melatonin and other sleeping agents like it's gold. In modern times he would have like blackout curtains, white noise machines, sleep masks, the fucking works, as well as a very elaborate bedtime routine that he sticks to religiously to make sure he can sleep for as long as possible.

Bonus Rounds!!!

Flint: he always has to read something to fall asleep. If he doesn't have something to focus on before he falls asleep he will not be able to do it bc his brain just wanders too much. Conversely, he cannot read in the daytime because it will put him to sleep no matter how interested he is in the book.

January (I'm calling my shot with this one, we'll see if I'm right or not): he seems like the kind of person who needs to wear headphones to sleep properly, but he doesn't play any kind of soothing music; on the contrary, it's very dramatic and loud music that he gets very focused on, and that's what helps him sleep.

Gale (again, calling my shot): I feel like they have such a specific and densely layered white noise setting that just puts them to sleep immediately, but if it changes even fractionally they will not be able to sleep at all. Like if one of the twelve different white noise layers gets lowered by >1% they bolt straight up in bed.

[baldlicia]

Yes, both anons are right. If you follow all the last months, it is quite obvious how everything is happening between Edvin and Omar. This is typical abuser behavior - abuser is afraid of losing his victim and as soon as he feels that the victim is moving away, leaves and starts living happily without him - he begins to take actions to hook victim back.

Let's remember Omar's behavior from august to november - he stopped commenting on Edvin's posts and sometimes did not even like them. He did not show any special attention to him and did not mention him anywhere. We saw how Omar actively flirted and communicated at various events (fashion week, weekends with new american friends, etc.). Next Omar sarcastically said on his live "I don't have a ring anymore. I'm divorced. Finally." The night before his performance in december Omar followed a new guy on Instagram (an interesting coincidence, i mean, timing, right?). Well, and we all remember how Edvin started behaving in december. And we see what it led to. And this is only what we see online. In real life everything must be much worse.

Edvin does this because he does not want to lose Omar, he wants to keep him close so that Omar continues to do everything for him, cannot build a personal life and is reserved personally for him + he probably feeds Omar with various promises. Abuser always showers victim with compliments and attention when he knows that victim is ready to leave, and begins to devalue again when he sees that victim has become attached again. This is literally what is happening.

I understand that this can be very difficult, but Omar should pull himself together and completely cut off ties with this person. If my assumption is correct, then Edvin will completely fall apart after this, because Omar at this stage is a source of strength for him - Omar protects him constantly, supports him in everything, cares for him, helps him sm e.t.c. On the contrary, Omar will be free and will be able to build a happy personal life.

I ain’t reading all that. Bc this is just ridiculous, yall are literally OBSESSED with reading into Omar and edvins friendship and it’s not only starting get really annoying but also really fucking weird. You should notttt be looking this much into other peoples lives and that should mean a lot coming from a literal troll account girl. You’re doing too much. And you guys LOVE to act like you know every little detail about Edvin and Omar’s life when you simply just don’t.

[shoot-of-corruption]

The thing with Ryou Bakura

I am honestly weirded out how lighthearted some people play Ryou Bakura and then I read their "canon" tag. I mean AU Ryous are superb and fine and Ryou Bakura is s very handsome character, but in my head, he hasn't ever earned the tags cutesy, weak or boring.

Lets delve into a mind of one Ryou Bakura, who is still under the influence of the ring.

He has gotten the Millennium Ring during his childhood and bonded with it. We're not talking about his family circumstances or his life from before, whenever he lost his parents snd sister isn't really important to this.

The important thing is that Ryou Bakura has started out as a child, probably already losing time. First it's harmless minutes. Like maybe he was just taking a nap or he was not concentrating well. The less people are there to keep tabs on him, the more time he loses. He finds things that don't belong to him while other things completely go missing. He loses more time and sometimes, he doesn't remember how he got to where he is.

Most importantly, he is losing friends. He has most likely been bullied a lot and the little friends he has are falling into comas during gaming sessions. He uproots and travels on MULTIPLE TIMES so he can avoid getting lynched, because parents can be fucking vicious.

Nobody knows how long this has happened and then he comes to Domino. He has learnt to keep impeccable track of time and date, maybe he even has a diary for how much time he loses, just to keep an eye on it. So far, everything could be a row of weird coincidences. And then he finds out he is responsible for all of it. Or rather the thing in the Ring he wears is.

And that is the moment, where he stops being weirded out by it all and truly and directly emotionally charges himself. He breaks down and only gets up again to help his new friends not to be killed by whatever latched onto him.

Ryou, even after that, realizes he sometimes loses time, but he is relatively calm, since nothing bad has happened so far. The moment Duelist Kingdom starts no one knows how often Ryou is in control and how often Bakura is. He loses more and more time, sometimes IN THE MIDDLE OF A TALK and he knows it means trouble.

Second murder attempt and now he isn't just concerned, he is really afraid. Now he knows that the spirit cannot be banished and is sticking to him. Bakura keeps his cards close, maybe influences Ryou to not even realize that much what is going on... it's probably all a blur to him.

Then of course BC arc, where Ryou is CONSTANTLY close to dying. He doesn't know where he is, where are his injuries coming from, he transports from one location to the other without knowing how, his thoughts are constantly muddled, because Marik has his hands to the ellbows in there and Bakura shoves him to the back so he can control everything just like he wants to.

I personally think he doesn't remember the rest of BC at all thrown in and out of consciousness until he gets out of his head again, snatches the Ring and fucking books it...

We're at the point of the worst moments now, so get prepared. Ryou has been kept hostage in his own head for years, he has lost people to this, he has been taken over consciously and unconsciously, he has lost more time than he can even count anymore, his everything hurts, he is afraid that his brain doesn't even function anymore. The only reason because he is keeping it together is so he can keep his friends safe and show just a bit of bravado to the spirit, who knows how terrible he screws up this boy, but probably doesn't even care all too much, on the contrary.

I can very much see him pay 'his rent' to Ryou in unspeakable ways.

Imagine you leave the house in the morning to go to school. The next thing you know is that it is nighttime, you are in an area you barely know, you are soaked through, you wear completely different, DIRTY clothes, your pokets include items you have never seem before. Area's of your body are hurting. What day is it? What time? When have you eaten last? Have you hurt or killed anybody?!

I can see Bakura do this to him simply out of spite and Ryou never wanting to sleep again because he doesn't know where he will wake up. In what situations will he end up? There is no constant in Ryou's life anymore. He can't sleep well, ANYTHING could happen. He can't eat well, because he is in constant duress. He obsesses over things to forget his problems.

He is literally a constantly sleep deprived bundle of anxiety, who pretends to be socially capable, because if he gives in to the spirit, it's game over.

He keeps distance from his friends so he doesn't hurt them anymore and his friends don't seem to care sbout this a bit.

I want to really ask you, if you can see a sparkle of weakness or cuteness in a person, who is going through this EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

And the most mindbreaking thing for me is, how he even got through this alive. I wouldn't have, I can tell you that.

[oikasugayama]

OMG NO BC GENUINELY MORI IS SO FREAKING HOT 😮‍💨😮‍💨😭😭 like…the way that he would consume my life if he wasn’t a child kisser…genuinely concerning 😭 also silly little side note- before i actually got into bsd, I thought Mori and Fyodor were the same person 😣 Mori is dilf Fyodor. I won’t be hearing any other opinions.

But fr in all seriousness, ignoring his silly behaviors, he’s such an interesting and well written character. Literally Asagiri HAD to nerf him. His personality and motivations are actually so interesting. He’d be way too powerful bro. I’d lowkey be such a Mori apologist if he wasn’t a kid diddler 😭😭😖 idc what anyone says, Asagiri will totally give us some weird ass Mori redemption arc explaining why he (contrary to popular belief) only likes legal, adult humans (fukuzawa) TRUSTT 🙏

OMG ALSO!! IT ANNOYS ME SM WHEN PPL CENSOR MORI. IT’S AN ACTUAL NAME DUDE AND ITS DISRESPECTFUL ASF TO PPL W THE NAME

-🪐

There's this pic of young Mori smiling dementedly and it's so fucking hot I can't..... Even current Mori is such a DILF.....if he didn't diddle children....... Hopefully Elise, who isn't a person and is just a manifestation of mori's ability, is the only child knows... He was a surgeon and a combat medic so we know he didn't work with children thank GOD.

Asagiri really said "hm I made this dude too cool, he's a surgeon and he killed the Port Mafia exec, and he worked as a combat doc, and he has hella respect for fukuzawa, hmmmm... Too good, too interesting. People can't question why he's the head of the PM. Let's make him a pedo." 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I had to delete a whole paragraph bc I'm not trying to get the wrath of some antis on my case. I'll just finish this off by reminding everyone that all these characters are lines on paper, they're not real, fanfic isn't real either, people can discuss and write what they want and it is not a reflection of the ideals they support irl!!!! 💙

[essayofthoughts]

Scuttles in

I still think about the Tiefling AU ok

And given your recent blorbo-ing of Kash and Zahra, how that might impact Percy's dynamic with the later especially.

Do Zahra and Lilith teach Percy some tiefling culture basics? Thaumaturgy manners, or that one comic with instinctive tiefling head bonks? Tricks for hiding the horns under a hood ir shawl and making it look natural?

(Also, how Vex potentially sleeping with Zahra might throw a wrench in Kashra's development for a lil longer, maybe? 👀)

Ooh fun questions!

I think I've already said to you that contrary to my usual interpretation and belief, Percy and Lillith do bang in this AU bc Percy is dealing with some shit, not only trauma regarding the Briarwoods' attack and the loss of his family and home but also his own dysphoria due to his change of self, his utter loss of autonomy over how he presents himself and is percieved. And. Because of that baggage, he thinks that it's okay with Lillith because she's a tiefling. He's not passing on his corruption to someone else because she's already got that planar influence. He doesn't know why he's a tiefling now when he wasn't before and he's afraid that whatever taint infects him might infect others - but if someone's already a tiefling... it can't hurt them, right? They're used to it.

As for Zahra, I mean.

This Percy speaks Abyssal because of Orthax, and most tieflings speak Infernal. On the one hand this means Percy can listen in on the twins sometimes - they both speak Elvish and Abyssal (canon Percy knows the former and Celestial, in this he knows both and gains Abyssal after his change) - and on the other hand... this stands out as wierd to Zahra! Because she knows tieflings - Zahra, Lillith, Lillith's sisters (her other cousins) - and she knows they speak Infernal. So... it's definitely a first inkling for him that something's significantly usual what happened. Meanwhile for Zahra... I feel like it might make her wonder a little if that's why he's weird by tiefling standards?

She first finds out he speaks Abyssal because she goes to ask him, the other tiefling in the group, a very quiet, casual, in Infernal, "hey, everyone cool here?" kind of question. A "you know these people, they're not shitty about what we are, right? how worried/on alert do I need to be?" - and Percy doesn't understand her. He also made no move to ask her that in turn, which might be because he's familiar with most of the group but packed in with him speaking Abyssal and not Infernal just makes her think Weird and Wrong.

Thing is, Percy is pretty polite for the most part, so I can't really see him committing a social faux pas - he's so exacting about etiquette I can't see him really prying in a way that'd violate any unspoken rules of tiefling subculture - but because it's a new thing for him, I can see him just not observing it in ways that kind of blindside her? And for her, the way he keeps his tail tucked around himself when he doesn't need it for balance, the way he keeps his claws tucked away or under gloves, the way he seems uncomfortable with his tiefling aspects - that'd make her think of abuse (which she is canonically familiar with!) and wonder if he was taught to be ashamed of himself and kept isolated and that being the reason for his ignorance. So I can see her trying to gently teach him to be a bit more at ease with himself (and maybe some more tiefling subculture specific things, like getting a sense of each other's magic and when it's appropriate to use it, the little check in of "these people cool?", virtue names - though I don't think Zahra has one, or Lillith, but they are a tiefling thing).

This all said, on learning there's tiefling subculture etiquette Percy would absolutely absorb it like a sponge; boy gets so specific about social rules and is so careful not to fuck up. I really do get the impression that some of that is fuelled by anxiety (especially given how he splutters and gets awkward at other points - he likes to have a script, so I'd be shocked if he didn't have social anxiety or some overlapping neurodivergency).

As for that last point. Well.

As I figure it, Vex comes onto Zahra after the tomb because she wants somoene who isn't a mess over it and she wants to enjoy being alive! She doesn't want to have to hide her own emotions for sake of everyone else - she was he one who died, for fuck's sake, she should be allowed to feel her own emotions about it! And, well... yeah it hit her hard, but also she is really thrilled to be alive! (She is repressing hard, and has made her expressed opinion her only Allowed opinion.) And. Zahra is similar to Vex. They understand each other. So Zahra turns Vex down, but probably does talk to her a little, help Vex process things she was avoiding, and probably gives her hugs and cuddles. Vex does tend to seek to be alone when she's going through it, but I think someone who understands and doesn't judge her? I think she'd feel safe and also emotionally and pysically knackered, and so... sleep.

This probably does complicate things a bit for Kash though, at least until Zahra clears things up for him. I don't think it'd impede them much, but I do think it might prompt Kash to actually start to think about and process things more, having that tangible example of the kind of decisions one might make when not fully processing things.

After all, if he were to make the decision to take a risk with someone else rather than Z, because he's afraid of fucking up there - well, he'll probably carry that regret forever.

Send me asks about my fic ideas!

[palestinenatural]

went to a talk circle about palestine today out of curiosity -the pro-palestine movement in my country is in diapers and I wanted to check out the few groups organizing it- and. jskdk lol lmao. it was announced as a space to talk about palestinian politics and create posters for the protests this week but maybe ten people showed up. and they all wanted to sort out their personal feelings about the news and congratulate each other on how well-informed about the occupation they are and they kept relating it to local "liberal" movements that have nothing to do with SWANA politics. and they wanted to upload this to social media. they couldn't get past recounting the horrifying suffering in gaza,,,,their idea of "coming up with solutions" was to print some catchy slogans on a t shirt and do "geopolitical analysis" which truly did not go deeper than "it sucks that the usamericans keep intervening in other countries it's very sad and unfair."

we were the only three palestinians in attendance so we were like oh we have to guide this discussion it's so embarrassing that this is the best allyship our country can offer bdjfjf so we went hey isn't it outrageous how nearly word for word western powers are reusing lies they made up about Iraq in the 90s and ppl aren't realizing? what can we do to help them discern and remember these things? and they answered that actually ppl aren't falling for it bc social media is so descentralized these days. so we were like ok if you say so! hey in our experience the general public in this country does not even know where palestine is and they only hear about us when the violence of the occupation gets worse, so their only image of us is as terrorists. and some guy was like um no actually I don't see palestinians as terrorists so that can't be true. and we were like our literal lived experience has been that people's 1st question is "your surname is weird where is it from?" and their 2nd question is "oh you must have family in isis right?" you HAVE to believe us (the palestinians) when we say that this country is not ready to hear about support for the resistence -they don't know where any of these places are, they don't know anything about our society or language or art or music or literature or scientific production or history! cultural relations between both countries are non-existent so it would be an excellent first step to promote knowledge of these things. It's difficult to feel empathy for a people you only see as violent, or as perpetual victims, but these kinds of restrictive narratives do make it easier to accept the dehumanization of the population. the occupation has been so successful bc they know how (and have a lot of help and funding) to market themselves to the world, how to share their culture and achievements beyond the violence. that's why it took us until 2023 to begin organizing an allied movement! no one knows anything!

and these fucking people. said to my face that we can't share palestinian culture bc us influence is just too great :( :( even though I had provided firsthand evidence to the contrary. and they went right back to discussing how palestinian resistance movements relate to our local history. shut up shut up shut up!!!!!!!!! why are you here praising indigenous liberation movements if you won't listen to the indigenous participants!!!!!!!!!! and you can bet they didn't let me speak for long enough to suggest some starting points for learning about our culture and history beyond the occupation. since they want to see us as poor little cardboard victims they can whip out whenever they need to shore up support for controversial local politics so bad

[savnofilter]

okay!! since mofos still wanna kekeke and harass me, this will be my final post before i block everyone and get on with it!

it's very clear of who is sending me hate and you're actually weird as fuck. if what you do and enjoy is never that serious, why are you still posting, commenting AND subbing me? there were literally periods of time where i literally did not say anything, and even said for people to stop responding to me because i did not care what had to be said. but i was repeatedly brought back multiple times (which apparently means i am seeking out arguments bc i don't back away from internet people who try to intellectually one up me). mind you, again, subbing with no direct @ because y'all are pussy ass bitches--against someone you do not even know. to play pretend that you're so grown and edu'macated for literally bullying someone for not agreeing with you is insane work, really. then it's pretending you aren't encouraging me being harassed just because i don't think you need rape, incest, pedophilia etc in order for a work to be considered gothic or horror. 🥴

you would think that i was in that comments without any reason, just on my own volition and was just arguing with every and anyone and checking over 4 MONTHS (this is sarcasm for any ditzy bitch reading this) in a comment section that i kept forgetting it existed until another jobless twat wanted to go another round with me. the way that you keep saying the characters i write for are 14 when they're not?? 😭 considering i was their age when i joined this fandom and will not be writing them pass my twenties.

dark content, proship, etc. people like them claim how they are unbothered and living their full life of dark ecstasy, but cry about how they are harassed, get sent hate etc. but verbatim do the same thing to someone who hasn't gone out their way to interact with any personal works, favorites and so on. only because they do not agree on a subject matter... the so called "mature" side. just because im outnumbered doesn't make me wrong, bookie! at the end of the day, you all are still white, privileged pieces of shits who have nothing better to do than have one sided and weird ass beef with someone (me) who doesn't know or care about you.

i'll state my proper argument once and for all, which will be ignored because y'all are just bullies who picked someone random to pick on: on the contrary i do NOT have an issue with all dark content. as many antis like me only have an issue when it's glorified, sexualized and just produced or consumed in a way that diminishes it's importance. every story has a message whether or not you want to admit that or not, and it's time to stop pretending like people don't learn things from the things they consume. when works are heavily misconstrued is a very uncomfortable and jarring experience. many antis who are like me do not like the way it's handled (ie; lolita is NOT a romance story but had perverted into that idea). you are incredibly naive to believe that any and all ways to write dark content is inherently good and okay. it does not work like that for any other media, why is it excused for dark content? someone not wanting to see it portrayed like that should not be mocked for having boundaries. you lot want to be edgelords so bad. no i do not care about your past experiences, and YES it is normal for you to fall into such coping strategies but just because that's what happens under those circumstances does not make it "normal" for everyone else. you're just a byproduct of your abuse.

also thank you for continuously doing the work of posting about me and then directly sending me hate? also keeping the same cadence and speech as the way you type? cuz if you wanna keep throwing rocks and handing your hands you are a lewser. have fun making spare accounts to send me hate cuz all y'all will do is just resort to talking shit about me on your blogs AGAIN. 😭🤷🏽‍♀️

gothic literature post

-> @/bluebeardsfinalgirl post one, two & three.

-> @/wiltshired post / @/prince-luffy.

keep it cute, either say my name/directly @ me, or keep it off the playground.

[alexanderwesker]

hey! it's been a while since i asked anything on here, but i just had a few curiosities and hypotheticals that i was wondering about, so i figured i'd actually ask them on here for once ^^

1. (// slight atol spoilers) would thaw!george be like atol!george in that he's also actually the cc? and if so, why hasn't XD gotten bored of him yet in this timeline? is george even going to be in thaw? i feel like he will be eventually, solely bc he was also included under thaw in that one age post of yours, but idk maybe i'm wrong.

2. how did soot magically dip? right now i can only think of ender pearls and transport portals as the ways people can teleport to places in your world, but it hasn't been confirmed what he actually did in thaw. are there any other ways? did he use a transport portal, some kind of stasis chamber(seems unlikely, but i'm covering all my bases yk), or something else? also, i don't think i asked this before, but what is a transport portal? how would you go about obtaining one? and how does it actually work? does it need runes, bc i think i recall tbom!wilbur mentioning rune work when he got one from techno? if so and if that is what they used, did philza help with those ones too?

3. what did philza see in tommy in the latest theseus' home chapter? because it definitely isn't like what q sees. we saw tbom!philza look into wilbur's soul that one time, and it was very different from what q sees. like, ig it still showed the danger that the dark blue would show q if he knew about the significance of the magic color, just in a different, more explicit and detailed way for philza. but what was it like for thiloas(is that the right abbreviation?)!tommy? how is thaw!theseus' soul different from tbom!wilbur's? from thaw!tommy's? how does philza even peer into people's souls to begin with, like, does he have to stare into their eyes, or just stare at them in general (i'm sticking w staring so much bc of how big of a deal it seemed to be in theseus' home, maybe that's misguided of me though idk)? also why did he only get to see tbom!wilbur's soul for the first time in that moment when he looked into his eyes, what was stopping him before?

4. i also have some follow-up questions on illusions... like, what does it feel like to be under an illusion? is it uncomfortable at all? weird? and also what are they like when the illusion is of a different species? obviously, thaw!soot was just pretending to be himself but younger so we didn't see this with him, but if some hypothetical human were to put on an illusion of, say, fundy, would they get his heightened hybrid senses and the ability to shift as well, maybe by using up extra magic? or do they still only have human abilities and just look like they don't to the outside world? just how similar are illusions to the sky gods changing the ccs to be more physically and physiologically similar to their characters (besides the latter not requiring any runes or magic)? and this may be a stupid question, but are there any limits to animal/mob illusions? like, would i be able to be under the illusion of just a normal fucking bird if i wanted to? but then, if there are limits, then where's the line? would people be able to pretend to be sam or slime, or would they be immune to that because they're technically mobs too?

i have so many more, but i think these are the least spoilery to ask on here, so i'm saving the rest for later/elsewehere. feel free not to answer things though if you don't want to give something away, idm :]

thank you for writing, i hope that you're doing well ^_^

(i tried sending this a couple days ago, but tumblr said it failed :/ so hopefully it works this time..!)

It has been ^^ it's okay though ^^

To answer your questions:

1. This is a thing of the way I write my version of George's character, he's always both c! and CC! because of the fact that XD found it interesting to see what would happen if they did so. (Though in contrary of AToL, George isn't aware that what's happening is not only incredibly vivid dreams)As for why the Guardian hasn't gotten bored yet, that's because Chaos keeps happening, in AToL thing resolved in a manner that turned the dsmp story in a much less Chaotic story for XD's tastes, while in thaw the story just followed canon(of course with my adjustments to make the events realistic). George will appear once Quackity's ex-fiances show up.

2. Soot used a Transport Portal to leave LN. As for other instant transport methods there really aren't many in my universe, because the ones that exist are very complicated on the magic aspect and also if one gets their rune work wrong can be dangerous.

A Transport Portal is a crystal that has been bound to a location using rune work and using some slightly modified runes similar to those that allow opening portals to the nether dimension, it transport people instantaneously to the location the crystal was bound to once it's shattered.

Usually their are made by those that will use them if they are good with rune working but one can buy an unprimed crystal from an Alchemist (though here come in play the possibile danger of the alchemist wasn't too good with the runes).

Wilbur made his own with some help to Philza to pour enough magic into it(since he couldn't deplete is own for Illusion purposes)

3. For the first three questions you'll have to wait and see, sorry ^^". As for how Philza peers into people souls, it's an ability of his coming from his Angelhood, Angels always see people less like they appear physically and more in the way their soul looks. But because Philza is a Fallen Angel, he has lost the ability to see them all the time, instead he has to look into someone's eyes to be able to.

In TBOM, the reason why he hadn't done so before was because he was in denial over the fact that seeing souls was not as natural for him anymore.

4. Illusions are pretty interesting and as for what you can cloak yourself as there is virtually no limit, though as it is an illusion everything you can do in your 'new' for his limited to what you could already do normally. So for example: if you cloaked yourself in the Illusion of a bird, you'd look like a bird to everyone around you, yes, but you can't chirp if you don't already know how, nor you could fly or stand on a thin branch as your body weight is unchanged and people are much heavier than birds.

As for the question about if someone pretended to be Fundy, that is an interesting one, because virtually if they are good enough with runes(and not scared of the pain) they could make one complex enough to make it seem like they are shapeshifting... But that would require an unnatural amount of magic to keep up so it's practically impossible.

As for how it feels, being cloaked under an Illusion, feels kind of as if you had a film over your skin, it isn't uncomfortable per se but it isn't the most comfortable experience.

Hope the answers are satisfactory and sorry for taking so long to answer ^^"

Thank you for your questions, and I've been doing okay enough, just got sick .-. but otherwise all alright.

I hope you are doing well too and have a good day/evening/night^^

[c0rpseductor]

trying not to think about the verbs and failing listen ok i am going to be driven to madness

i have decided in my zygerrian conlang that tense is not like, part of the verb; past and future just get tacked onto the start of the sentence or clause as a totally separate word to indicate what’s going on.

the main thing happening with verbs is this insane game of who’s allowed to do what as determined by class stratification and stated permission from a superior. the pattern for a verb in many situations is [subject pronoun]-[verb]-[y/n][object pronoun].

so like, use cases. i do not have a big chart on my phone and I cannot be assed to get up so these are all going to be weird English lexicon zygerrian grammar sentences. bear with me.

He left my house without permission (I’m in charge of him, or we’re equals): Past [third person low status]-leaves-[no][first person high status] house of [first person high status].

He left my house without permission, and he’s boss of me: Past [third person high status]-leaves-[first person low status] house of [first person low status].

I don’t get to add the little bit indicating my permission up there because he’s boss of me, he can do whatever he wants. Including “without my permission” in the above sentence contrary to the pecking order would imply I thought he was acting wrongfully and it’d be a whole Thing.

My example sentences in the doc so far have mostly included verbs enacted on either people or other people’s belongings for this reason (as above, where technically the house is the object here, but the pronoun suffix indicates the owner of the house as hierarchical object because it’s my property and therefore doing shit to it is doing shit to me).

but the structure here works for objects owned by no particular anybody, too, bc there’s an object pronoun, and permission can just be ignored in that case. like, I eat an apple would be [first person whatever social standing]-eats-[third person object] apple.

i guess i’m thinking now what about plurals? what about if me and my friend both eat an apple. what if i eat two apples. what if i eat two of YOUR apples. that’s kind of important information and it can’t go on the verb (that thing’s already bogged down to fuck with prefixes and suffixes).

i could, in theory, add more pronouns. number seems like kind of an important thing, right? i think i read that in some languages it’s optional or not included but it seems like you should include it. i said earlier this language has 21 pronouns, which is only sort of true; there are 7 sets demoting status with 3 forms each (first, second, third person). i could add some kind of something to bump that up to 6 forms each (excepting the one that’s exclusively for the queen of the planet bc i cannot imagine she’d ever need to pluralize that and in referring to another like planetwide queen or like sheevy palps the proper pronoun would likely be, like, the one reserved for sort of mid-to-high-tier nobility and honored foreigners). i guess if you count separate forms english has a lot too though

honestly i might need to go ground up for plural pronouns bc there’s also mixed-status groups to account for. like a whole second system. blegh

as for like what if i ate two of your apples. that just requires pluralizing the noun. so my precarious verb arrangement for sick and insane people is safe

[foolsoverture]

It’s like!! I was doing so good and happy and normal on tuesday!! And then wednesday was weird because i woke up really late bc i couldnt sleep all night because i kept hearing that stupid knocking on the wall behind me like i used to hear in priddis & then i kept freaking out and having to check the corner of the room with a flashlight every few minutes and then i finally fell asleep and then when i woke up i just felt so weird and “not there” and then today i woke up and just. I felt so weird and not there as soon as i woke up its like i can feel it physically the same way i can feel the ocd compulsions physically and it sucks it sucks so much i wasted so much of today just feeling all weird and scared for reasons i dont understand like i dont understand i just want to be normal and happy with my friends i just want to be able to respond to comm clients normally i just want to be able to do things without this insane bizarre cloud of fear clouding them and irs not the normal anxiety fear its different its like that bone deep instinctual fear from priddis when id bolt up the stairs from it or when id spend all night terrified chekcing the corners of the room.

Its like all the things and people that are familiar and nice to me and that i love it suddenly feels just. Scary. And the love for them isnt gone so its not like “splitting” but its this really weird overwhelming feeling that they hate me and want me gone and it comes from no rational place and i know that but i cant make the belief go away and its not like the usual “my friends hate me” feeling its different its something that cant be reasoned with and i just have to wait it out and its so weird its like. It “feels” like hallucinating even theres no visual aspect of his. Like it “feels” like that one disorder where people see other peoples’ faces as all warped and scary and it feels like that just without the visual aspect and then its like no matter how much evidence there is to the contrary and no matter how much you know its irrational and no matter how deeply and much you want to not feel that way you cant stop “seeing” it, it doesnt stop it feels like loading a preset map into a game & having to play within that preset in the game until you close the game and change the preset.

Its like. Ill be thinking happily of some nice interaction i had with someone at yet at the same time somehow simultaneously im feeling like they hate me and not in the usual anxiety way & not in a “this nice thing actually means they hate me” way but instead in a “i cant make Any connectiom between the nice thing and feeling like they hate me like i cant connect it in a ‘reassurance so that feeling goes away’ away or even in a warped ‘this nice thing must somehow mean they hate me’ way.”

I just i dont like it i want it to stop i feel like im turning into luc like damn the fucking Insane paranoia genes from his side really went off huh

And its part of my fear with comm clients too even the nice one because then the emails get extra scary when i feel like they truly genuinely fucking hate me and see me as having wasted their time & money & that they want to see me “brought down” entirely and that i deserve for that to happen even though i dont want it to

And like its even tpwards myself its like. I’ll be doing something and then ill feel like “i must be dlimg xyz normal thing for this super fucking insane malicious irrational reason” even though i know thats not why im doing it and vene when its a totally normal positive thing.

Like its so weird and scary feeling ao “disconnected” like that. Like im so scared and suspicious and paranoid of everything including *myself*. Like its not just a brief worry of “im doing xyz for malicious resson/xyz bad thing” that can be easily dismissed its more like a sudden belief that completely takes hold like its irrefutable fact like the sky being blue or breathing air its just. Hwhdbdnndnddn

[kurosagihater]

ahaha yes let's do this with Romeo with the current understanding i hv about him (this is very much biased)

To begin, I think I have a thing for guys who fell from grace yet still act all mighty and proud and obnoxious as if the world should be handed to them on a silver platter (and I would fucking do it if I could. You have no idea how much I want to) but they actually worked hard to get to where they at. Before I liked him I liked Izumi (enstars) and I guess that's what they both have in common. I do have a taste. I hate that they're my taste sometimes (No I don't).

To be honest I won't argue much if people say they don't like his personality. I acknowledged the fact that he chased his junior with a literal weapon, stripped them, and confined them in a cage like he's treating some animal (sorry Kaito). He got his ambition and honestly... I get it. He's not afraid to take risk and he knows how to get things done, even though some of them aren't fair to others sometimes.

I don't wanna agree with the whole pretty privilege thing but believe me when I say I will follow through with it if it's him. God it feels so fucked up for me to type that but idk how else to explain it. "So you just like him because he's pretty?" fuck idk. maybe? I would still like him even without understanding his character lmao. But tell me why I would sit in silence for a whole night staring at nothingness every time I think of his stigma? Or his bad leg?

"He complaints a lot." They're all justified in my eyes. Man got high standards and it's people around him that are incompetent (I'm kidding). But hey, time is money and he won't be wasting any.

It amaze me how he can juggle everything all at once. Taking care of his appearance, taking care of the casino, taking care of Taiga. I would've lost my mind if I were him. I can't even keep a simple routine for myself like having a decent sleep and eating schedule (it's currently midnight as I'm typing this). Whatever fuel he has to keep himself going, I need that. (Is it revenge, I wonder...). And I need to keep my priorities straight but fffuuuuuck it's so difficult.

"He's selfish." I prefer other term like goal oriented. He's strict on himself and others (but not in Luca's "hard on others hard on himself" way). On the contrary, I, myself, leans more into the selfless category, and I got hurt a lot by that. I'd look at him and deep down I wish I can be a little selfish too. Just for myself. But at the same time I'd be haunted by the guilt that hasn't even come and I'd back out so fast. I am so sorry for being a loser, Romeo.

He's neither an optimist nor pessimist—he's a realist. At least to me. And he makes me want to be a better person—as weird as that sounds since we're talking about Romeo here.

I need more of his past, please. It'd hurt me most likely but I'll take any crumbs. He might bitch a lot but he's my bitch <3 (im sorry romeo pls put the gun down)

I draw the line at people calling him ugly. You will NOT put that word in the same sentence as him IDC IDC. If anyone ever say that we will argue sorry not sorry <3

And I wish people wouldn't reduce him to like a tsundere or smth. I mean he is one but come on...

That should be all for this. I can go on and on about the things I love about Romeo bcs I'm blinded like that LOL. The easiest thing is to say I like him because he's pretty so so fucking pretty I'd give him the world in its entirety. It'll save you the trouble from hearing my (more or less nonsensical) reasonings.

tkdb fans- reblog this post with your best defense for your favorite! I'm trying to understand what everyone likes about each character :D

[literallyexploding]

(long ass) vent post

you really can't win with a lot of people fr bc they're gonna say you're faking mental illness if you act like you're ok but if you act any other type of way you're annoying and off-putting

also like idk I'm not TRYING to be miserable and things suck a lot less if you at least act like you're enjoying them but that doesn't mean Im doing well if I say I'm not

and these fuckers are gonna literally cancel me if I ever mention anything I'm thinking beyond the most vague allusions to a depressive aura. like people be like asking me questions about this shit and then getting mad at the answer like don't ask people about their trauma/bipolar/ocd/anything if you're not in a place to hear about it

"what are intrusive thoughts?"

oh they're whatever is the most evil and frightening to you and you kinda just get pop up ads for that shit all day

"ok well what ones do you have?"

and I start with light ones and they ask what other ones I have bc they don't sound that bad but then they get mad and don't wanna talk to you when you tell them the worse ones because no one listens to the part about it being the WORST THING YOUR BRAIN CAN CONJURE UP like bro I don't WANT to think about and see that shit all day it's INTRUSIVE and a DISORDER and I'm upset by it I'm not like wow! I really enjoy this live footage of my auto-disembowelment 20 times a day! this is my sexual fantasy! I didn't want to go to sleep tonight anyway I just wanted to think about this!

so few people actually understand me on any level and it sucks honestly it really feels as if no one really gets it sometimes and it's so isolating to be weird even to the weird people it's like I'm the wrong type of weird. like y'all like to joke about being weird off-putting delulu schizo autistic whatever the fuck i don't think some of you get that it sucks and it hurts to experience those things

it hurts every time someone asks if I'm a school shooter or gonna go off the rails or a sociopath or whatever else. everyone is scared of me no matter what I do to my appearance and how I try to act and it makes it so hard to meet people when you have to do all the approaching and leg work because no one wants to try to get to know you. Contrary to popular belief I do have feelings and empathy and sympathy it's just really hard for me to show it in a neurotypical emotional way I tend to just say how I feel rather than show it.

I have pretty thick skin and generally think it's funny to get insulted and DC whatever secretly enjoy it even but the one thing that really still hurts is knowing that people genuinely think I would ever hurt or kill someone on purpose. all I've heard from people my whole life is "I used to be so scared of you but you're actually nice!" which is usually meant well but idk it feels so backhanded after you've heard that you're "actually nice" 30 times because it's a huge shock. and the school shooter shit is just ridiculous honestly like what is your evidence here? that I dress in black and I'm not your sexy goth mommy I'm a little bit awkward and have unconventional interests? bc none of that makes you evil like at all

my friends being my friends ofc say I'm not super awkward and cold but the reality of it is that's how I come across to a large amount of people that I interact with especially with strangers and large settings and it doesn't help to look emo or whatever but one thing I'm not compromising on anymore is my appearance. people didnt treat me much better when I was somewhat within the guidelines of Christian womanhood like sure they called me pretty and hot but it's not like I had any more friends or a better life or more respect. I still scared most people bc nothing about me actually changed. like at least now I wear clothes I feel more confident in. imma look like this and those homophobic hating ass mfrs standing on the street yelling can eat my ass about it

the end (here's an Easter egg for reading this far)