#continuing my bullshit: my riddle bat comic !!!!!

[gmaybe666]

ACROBAT

pg.3

inspired by:

[blackbatpurplecat]

What do you think of Catwoman in the video games (Arkham City & Knight, Tell Tale, Injustice)? Which are you favorites and do you think TPTB would ever come out with a solo game of her's?

Yay, finally I get to say something NICE! XD Short answer: They’re (almost) all great! My absolute favorite is Catwoman in the Telltale games!

Very long answer incoming:

Lemme rank them from the one I like the least to the one I love the most. That’s probably the easiest way to answer this. There are many more games Catwoman is appearing in but they’re not really worth mentioning here.

3) Catwoman in Injustice 1+2

Unfortunately, there’s not a lot of Catwoman in those two but that’s no big surprise when the cast is bigger than the one in Avengers: Endgame. She’s fantastic in the tie-in comics but I can’t count those here.

So in part 1, she’s Bruce’s ex who ratted him out to protect him and after everything, she still wants to redeem herself and get back together with him. I liked her purple-gray costume (the weird steampunk one with the tail... not so much), I liked her voice-actress who also voiced her in the Arkham games, Grey DeLisle. I liked her cunningness, how she quickly figured out that Cyclops was a different Cyclops and made him blow his cover.

I understand that Selina would do something more selfish to protect the man she loves. She wanted Supes to spare Bruce and for that, accepted that many other people would die - BUT I will never understand WHY they wrote her arc like that. Why not write her as Bruce’s loyal partner and girlfriend? Why couldn’t she be on his side in the fight against Superman and the Regime? Even Harley and Luthor were! At least, they didn’t make her entirely evil, she did have good intensions but was misguided. And her ending had a feeling of hope in it.

Years later, she’s apparently reached her goal of redemption, found her way back to Bruce, and is now working as a double agent for the Insurgency. This time, she has more than only two scenes but we don’t learn much more about her, her relationship with Bruce, or her arc. You gotta read the comics for that... And again, not a huge fan of her costumes in this one but it’s cool that you can modify them to your liking. 

Her ending is the worst in this however. After what she’s been through with Bruce, after fighting with him, against him, redeeming herself, earning his trust again, and getting back to his side, she... just leaves him because she got bored. Wow. What fucking idiot wrote that?!

All in all, she’s a minor character in both games, her arc happens mostly off-screen, they don’t do anything new or outstanding with her but I enjoyed seeing her. Too bad, you can’t play as her.

2) Catwoman in the Arkham games

Now THAT’s more like it! ❤️Back then, I only bought Arkham City because you could play as Catwoman in it. I didn’t know much more about the game, I had never played its predecessor, I only wanted to play as Catwoman - and boy oh boy what a glorious purchase that turned out to be!

To this day, I still adore Arkham City, so much so that I bought it three times (CD + Steam + PS4). I can play it in my sleep! And it made me buy Asylum, Origins, Blackgate, and Knight, half of them were good and some also had Catwoman!

City - Her part in the game is a short side quest that’s not really connected to the main story: Catwoman wants to steal from Hugo Strange’s vault, convinces Ivy to help her break into it, then she leaves her loot behind to save Batman’s life, then tracks down Two-Face to get her stolen loot back, and after finishing him, retrieves her loot. She then decides to stay in Arkham City because it’s still dangerous there a.k.a. fun!

While it’s a shame that Catwoman and Batman only meet twice, they do save each other’s lives. The banter and flirting could certainly be better in this though. Her story isn’t anything new BUT it’s perfectly executed and it’s exactly what Catwoman’s like. She’s playful and seductive (they could have turned down her horniness about a few points - but you gotta please the fanboys *sigh*), she’s looking after herself, she only does what she wants (so she won’t return the plant to Ivy who had treated her so badly), but in the end, she does the right thing by saving Batman because she has a good heart.

While her side story felt tagged on, I really enjoyed it! I just love playing as her, beating up thugs, using the whip, and crawling on the ceilings. Also you get to wear the BTAS suit AND the purple Long Halloween suit! YAY!

Blackgate - It starts with Batman chasing Catwoman across the rooftops for the very first time, that’s just a fantastic intro! And I really liked their fight towards the ending for its very interesting execution. This time, Catwoman is not playable but both a suspicious ally who helps Batman with information and an enemy Batman has to defeat. Which I get because they’ve basically just met and don’t know each other yet.

The lack of trust is also the reason why Catwoman’s playing him like she is in the game. She figures him out rather quickly and cleverly uses his urge to save and protect others against him to get access to what she had been told to get from Blackgate. Manipulating Batman into helping her completing her mission is a real Catwoman-y move so the Arkham games continue the trend of “getting” her character. Well, except for having Catwoman lick herself like a cat.

Knight - Selina’s third and last appearance in the Arkham games. She’s kinda playable and she’s no enemy BUT she’s a damsel in distress... ... ... Okay, Knight, what do have for us?

Riddler, of all people, has captured Catwoman and uses her to play with Batman. Well, at least it proves that everyone knows about the relationship between the Bat and the Cat (yet Catwoman keeps saying they’re not close - oh honey, no one believes you). Selina’s wearing an explosive collar and Batsy has to find Riddler trophies and complete riddles (and for some fucking reason drive races!) to unlock the keys to set her free.

Catwoman’s kinda playable since you can’t explore the city with her but you can switch to her while you’re solving Riddler’s contraptions or fight his robots. The dual team feature in the game was magnificent in general. I would have loved to play more as her but at least, she’s not just sitting around waiting for Bruce to save her but is partaking in her own rescue.

The chemistry between Bruce and Selina is the best part of this Riddler mission. Neither fears nor takes Eddie seriously and especially Selina drops so many awesomely annoyed comments and jabs against him, but gets increasingly more worried. While we saw BatCat meet in Blackgate, in Knight they’ve known each other for years and it shows. There’s no other character in the game Batman talks to in the way he talks to Catwoman. It’s... casual, funny, flirty. Additionally, you can clearly hear his worry for her in his voice. In the end, Selina even comes back to help Batman with Riddler even though she didn’t have to - she wanted to! And offers more of her help, it’s so obvious how much he means to her.

I love Batman and Catwoman working together and flirting and bantering while fighting other Rogues but the only thing that’s holding this back from being perfect is the series’ idiotic insistence that Bruce is still mourning the al Ghul chick which we all know is bullshit. And Selina doesn’t know Batman’s identity?! Come on.

To sum it up, I really liked Catwoman’s attitude and portrayal in Knight but would have loved to have more of her in the game. What we got was passable enough to have fun with. Bonus points for the 90s Balent suit you can put her in!!! If only there was an Arkham game in which both characters were playable and constantly working together, now THAT would be my dream!

1) Catwoman in the Telltale games

Where do I start? The voice? The charm? The complexity? 

She’s not playable but that doesn’t make this game and her in it less perfect. We again meet a clever, confident, I-mostly-care-about-myself Selina who’s great at fighting and stealing and manipulating. She’s caught Harvey in her trap to get close to his buddy, rich boy Bruce Wayne. She instantly finds out that he’s Batman (same way he finds out that she’s Catwoman) and they form a rocky alliance which either blooms into something deeper or not, depending on your decisions.

The makers of the game understand her the way Rocksteady did but add a softer layer to her. She’s playful, seductive, and doesn’t take no shit from anyone and in episode 3 of the first season, we see a vulnerable Selina for the first time. A woman who doubts she could ever be more than a cat burglar. She does take pride in her skills and doesn’t apologise for what she does (she even says “you shouldn’t trust me”) but you notice that she’s longing for a connection, for someone who trusts and relies on her without weighing her down. 

I personally had the impression that she felt a bit honored that Batman would support her and have faith in her the way he did in my playthrough. It gave her a chance to prove to herself that she could do more, be more. And that it felt good to have someone she in turn could rely on and trust which proved to her that the world maybe wasn’t as bad as she’d thought, that she could let her guard down once in a while. There was also another side we don’t see often on her: She didn’t want to face Harvey at the hospital. Maybe due to cowardice, shame, you decide.

Her last scene in season 1 wasn’t the best, it was just her going back to her old ways, seemingly leaving behind her character development from previous episodes but she probably wasn’t at the point of staying and saving people yet. It was the usual move to save herself and telling herself that she’s a bad person who doesn’t have feelings for Bruce. Changing yourself isn’t hard, it’s not changing back to your old self that is, and I think that’s what happened there, she simply fell back into her old self. 

In season 2, she returns as the thief we all know and love. They didn’t change her, her actions and dialogue lines fit the character we met in season 1. This time, we also see her vengeful side as she’s trying to get revenge for her dead friend, Riddler, and she won’t let anyone get in her way, not even Bruce.

Later, she wants Bruce to tell her that he needs her and he can’t take down Harley and the rest without her, proving she wants to be needed and trusted as I’d mentioned before. Same goes for admitting that it means a lot to her that he lets her into his secret life. Season 2 shows us that everything from season 1 did leave an impact on her and her development is slowly moving forward. One lovely example is her being surprised by a hug in S1 and in S2, she hugs Bruce first.

To put lots of rambling briefly I LOOOVE Telltale’s Catwoman! She’s not just a cunning thief but a woman with feelings, hopes, fears, layers. I really hope we will get a third season someday, especially since we didn’t get any closure scenes with Selina, no matter which Joker we fought in the last S2 episode.

---

Now regarding her own game... She had one already with a 1999 Game Boy Color game. Nothing huge but I count it. Especially since she’s wearing her 90s suit in it. 😉

I would very much welcome a Catwoman game with her as the lead! An Arkham like game: open world Gotham, you get to meet many Rogues, you have to flee from Batman and/or fight his kiddies. Maybe you need to team up with Harley and Ivy, or with Batgirl! OR make it like a Lara Croft game with lots of breaking and entering, and stealing valuable artefacts.

Alas, I think the chances of getting a Catwoman game are very slim! DC are so focused on Batman and Superman, they won’t spend millions of dollars on the production of a game that’s... not starring at least one of those two. I mean there’s not even a Wonder Woman game so why would they make one starring Catwoman? A shame really.

[tessatechaitea]

Batman #87

James Tynion IV and Guillem March team up to make me stop buying Batman.

Part of me just wants to write "UGH!" and be done with reviewing this comic book. But another part of me is hungry. But still another part of me, the one that is against just typing "UGH!", is outraged that I just paid five dollars for a regular issue of Batman because of a stupid glossy and thick cover and that part of me demands that I vent more fully. And yet that's not even why I'm fucking livid! That's just my first and most shallow complaint! I'd prefer if DC Comics just gave me a regular issue of Batman with a regular comic book cover and simply printed on that cover, "We know this is the exact same quality comic book that we'd sell for $3.99 usually but it has Batman in it which means it will sell way more copies than the other issues we sell and we want that sweet, sweet extra dollar per issue windfall!"

Complaint #2: The Riddler believes that a riddle without a solution is the greatest riddle.

Never mind that Guillem March drew The Riddler naked while he's thinking about the greatest riddle ever while on weapons grade amphetamines and he has no visible erection. That's a minor side complaint that I simply assume was on everybody's list of things wrong with this issue. But the revelation that James Tynion IV doesn't understand the concept of riddles is beyond criticism. It's post-critical! The entire purpose of a riddle is that it has a fucking clever answer! A riddle with no answer is a mystery and The Riddler isn't called The Mysteryer! A riddle with no answer is something The Mad Hatter might be into but not The Riddler, Mr. Scott-Snyder-Lite IV! And before some Riddler-loving cuck nerd decides to argue that what Tynion meant was that The Riddler loves a super duper challenging riddle, let me say this: "Then he should have fucking wrote that in the dialogue, shouldn't he have? Not that a 'riddle with no solution' is 'a riddle befitting a riddler.' But 'a riddle with a fucking super tough and challenging solution' is 'a riddle befitting a riddler.' Now go jerk off to your tepid Riddler sex role play Tumblr blog." Just an aside about my use of the word 'cuck': it's just fucking funny to use! The only good thing the terrible incel Internet community (unless I mean the MRA community (unless I mean the PUA community (it probably doesn't matter. They probably mostly share the middle area in a Venn diagram))) has done for this world is to bring back the insult "cuck." I don't even care about using it in the historically accurate way! I don't actually care if Riddler fans' spouses have a little extra side of ass on the down low. It's just fun to say! Plus, if you say it to the kind of person who actually thinks "cuck" is a scathing insult, they get super fucking angry when called one! It's Goddamned hilarious.

Complaint #3: Guillem March's depiction of The Riddler.

Yes, yes. March fixes my whole "The Riddler doesn't have a visible erection" problem from the first scan by implying one with his Riddle Wand here. But the main problem is why did March think The Riddler suddenly needed to look like Bernie Wrightson's Anton Arcane? The Riddler has always just been a skinny creep who was so into getting punched in the face by a muscular man in a bat costume that he planted clues that would ensure it happened. But I guess March has decided that his obsession needed to be mirrored in his physical appearance? Or is it a kind of pervasive attitude that Batman is such a scary and serious fucking cartoon hero that his villainous gallery of rogues has to be just as wickedly serious and horrific? Sometimes it feels like fans still feel as if the Batman television show was some kind of pernicious poison that, to this day, needs continual application of anti-toxin. "Batman isn't silly and his villains shouldn't be either," scream the rabid base of comic book fans that take this shit way too seriously. Hey! Fuck you! I'm angry for valid reasons and not stupid comic book fan reasons! Don't try to use my own words against me!

Complaint #3: Guillem March's depiction of The Penguin.

See my previous argument for Complaint #2. Although there's a history of making The Penguin as creepy and fucked up as possible because nobody needs the image of Burgess Meredith playing The Penguin to already come to the conclusion that a short dapper fat man with a bird obsession isn't the most intimidating villain, even with the mob attitude and homicidal tendencies.

Complaint #4: Batman and Catwoman's banter.

My main complaint with this conversation is that Batman and Catwoman never once argue about whether they met on a boat or on the street. I thought that was how they always began conversations! Also, they don't call each other "Bat" and "Cat." I'm sure a lot of people are thrilled about this change. But to me, it's a slow reset to getting them back to a relationship that denies the strength of their love and commitment to each other. They're slipping back into professional modes of communication! Next thing you know, we'll find out that Alfred didn't really die! It was Clayface the entire time and Alfred simply let people believe he was dead so he could have a peaceful vacation for once in his long life of servitude to an obsessed man-boy with too much money. Okay, that's enough poking fun at Tom King and the people who hated Tom King. I'm sure I'll get my fill of the Bat/Cat relationship whenever King's Bat Loves Cat comic book comes out. Let me be serious about my complaint in this paragraph (although not the kind of serious where I'm a comic book fan taking shit too seriously! The kind of "serious" where I pretend to be in an apoplectic rage which convinces a number of casual readers into thinking things like "This fucking Lobo fanboy wants to fuck Lobo in the face" and "Why is this nerd so obsessed with Supergirl's butthole? Can't he get a real woman down at the real club where he probably dances like a fucking dreamboat?"). Batman is supposed to be the World's Greatest Detective and yet he engages in stupid retorts like "What makes you think I don't have that device?" You fucking imbecile! What makes her think that was expressly stated by Catwoman when she said you wouldn't have needed to ask her if she was still with the body! Also, even Batman can't have that technology because it would take magic to use that technology and Batman is against magic which is why he keeps Kryptonite on hand to defeat Superman instead of the Ace of Winchesters. Side Complaint #4: Guillem March draws asses in the uncanny valley. He wants you to know they're sexy asses that do more than poop and fart. But he tries too hard to make them sexy and they fall into the uncanny valley of sexy asses. Those are asses where you go, "No, no. I can see that that ass is sexy but I am not in any way going to put my tongue into it." Complaint #5: The villains' plan is so complex that it relies on things that couldn't have been planned for happening. This is a standard complaint of mine and such a comic book trope that I probably should have gotten over being upset by it twenty years ago. I suppose it's why I stopped reading comic books for ten of those twenty years though. A bunch of assassins planned to get caught so that one of them could escape so that Batman would be distracted by that one while the others escaped. Batman falls for it although this time there's a twist to a plan so well planned that it works no matter what the hero does: this plan was stolen! This plan was originally the Penguin's plan and he recognized it when the first part fell into place: five assassins came to Gotham and were caught by Batman. Yeah, see? That was part of this stupid plan! So at least The Penguin is going to interfere with this awesome plan. Although, being that the plan was so well planned, the person who stole the plan probably planned for The Penguin to recognize the plan and to interfere. So The Penguin interfering is probably now part of the overall plan.

Complaint #6: Batman builds a prison that even he can't get out of which means Deathstork gets out of it immediately.

Every time, right? Every time a hero does something that is super duper foolproof to the nth degree of foolproofness, they get fooled! Fool the DC villains once, shame on the DC villains. Fool the DC Villains twice, and, well, you know what? That's never actually happened because they've never actually been fooled once. They only get fooled in the ultimate issue of a story arc when the hero decides maybe they should redouble their efforts and buck up their willpower and believe in themselves slightly more than they did in the previous five issues.

Complaint #7: A Cheshire-sized clay body double was captured by Batman, hauled into custody by police, and locked up without anybody noticing.

Batman uses the word "clay" so I'm assuming we're supposed to believe this is some kind of non-Clayface clayface body double? Some kind of mindless automaton that walks and moves and blinks and breathes and acts exactly like a living person? Sure, it's not presented in that way. But the audience has to assume some level of intelligent trickery went down here or else they're going to read this and think, "Batman was fooled by a squishy, drippy sex doll? This is worse for the Batman mythos than when Kevin Smith had Batman confess to peeing his pants!" Complaint #8: Both Deathstork and Cheshire tell Batman they're "playing a game." Why do they call their terrible and vicious crimes a game? It's bullshit to make everything the villains do some kind of contest pitted against Batman. It inherently makes super hero comics less about trying to make the world a better place and more about how heroes are the cause of all of the trouble because the villains' only ever expressed motive is to best the heroes. It's lazy and ultimately damaging to the entire medium. Yes, I said the entire medium! That's not hyperbole! But that was facetiousness!

Complaint #9: Cheshire wears see-through undies and we never get to see them from the front.

Okay fine. Not all of March's asses are in the uncanny valley. That one is staunchly in the valley of cans. Sweet, sweet cans.

Complaint #10: Batman kills Cheshire.

Sure, sure. Cheshire is still talking after getting creamed by a semi truck so Batman didn't really kill her. But he should have killed her doing this and the only way we accept that she isn't dead after smashing her face into an advancing semi is because we, the reader, know Batman doesn't kill. Maybe Batman lovers would defend this as an accident brought on by Cheshire herself. But then what is Batman's defense in letting her get smashed by a truck instead of saving her from being smashed by a truck in the amount of time it takes him to smugly say, "Brace yourself"? This fits into my belief that Batman has killed dozens of people but they die later at the hospital after which he can pin the deaths on the doctors who failed to save them from the mortal injuries Batman gave them. Side Complaint #10: Cheshire's last words are asking Batman how he survived her poison. I mean, she's obviously dying here and that's all she cares about? I would think she'd be all, "Tell my daughter I love her! ACK!" Batman #87 Rating: C. I think I made my points. My main problem now is that I've declared I'm going to stop buying Batman but I'm not the sort of person who avoids staring at train wrecks.