#continued existence is necessary but at what cost

[desultory-novice]

hello! I've been seeing this new return to dream land/ merry magoland Kirby manga around, but I can't find any details. Would you happen to know anything about it?

Thanks in advance! I'd really like to know what it's called.

Based on the style, it looks like Hoshi no Kirby ~ Yurutto Pupupu, which is another (…) gag manga made up of VERY short chapters (4-8 pages) released on a monthly basis in Young Girl’s Magazine, Ciao.

While the monthly manga is published in black and white, the volume releases are in color. They are also (as far as I’m aware) PHYSICAL ONLY meaning you can’t buy them online without importing the book.

I’ve read several chapters of it and while it’s cute, I can assure you that most of the content is going to be short and silly gags and word puns (so many puns…) that poke light-hearted fun at the story rather than an attempt a serious adaptation of any of the games

…Not that there’s anything wrong with that! Just that you aren’t missing all that much imo?

[internetskiff]

I've sometimes seen this sentiment, especially among reviewers, that SOMA's WAU ""monster plot"" contributes nothing to the main game's story, and that the storyline would infact benefit from the WAU's removal. If you ask me, that couldn't be further from the truth. The WAU is at the root of everything. Frankly, it's the main reason the game's moral dilemmas are.. well, dilemmas at all. If the WAU wasn't making monsters, wasn't there to warp the life around Pathos-II as it saw fit, the game wouldn't have even started. Pathos-II would've just remained dormant forever. Simon wouldn't be there, and neither would any of the obstacles he faces on his journey to preserve humanity. The main reason the WAU isn't directly beneficial to Earth is exactly because its understanding of "life" is so skewed. Its not just bringing things back - its bringing them back incorrectly. Every single "monster" we meet builds a case both against and for the WAU's continued existence.

The Construct shows the WAU's failure to understand humanity in the physical sense, shoving a Human brain scan into a misshapen robot body and calling it a day, leaving it to babble to itself as it aimlessly wanders the halls of Upsilon.

The same could be said for Carl Semken and the other Mockingbirds, though to a lesser degree - though capable of speech, they're still very delusional and oftentimes end up going insane. Still, in some ways you see the WAU's understanding of human psychology progress with each new mockingbird - they become increasingly coherent and increasingly sane, Catherine and Robin Bass being great examples. While the Construct has lost so much of itself you can no longer tell who it used to be, the other Mockingbirds have their sense of self intact. With the WAU's unreliable nature cemented, we move on to its attempts at preserving humans physically, with Amy Azarro being the first proper example Simon gets to witness.

She's kept alive in what seems to be a perpetual state of discomfort, and judging by the structure gel slowly overtaking her I believe the WAU may be slowly converting her into one of the Fleshers. Its keeping her alive, yes, but its doing so at any cost necessary - it doesn't matter if she's in constant pain as long as she doesn't flatline. Its treatment of actual organisms is practically an inversion of its treatment of the Mockingbirds - instead of prioritizing the mental wellbeing of the subject, the WAU prioritizes their physical wellbeing with little to no care for the mental state its "patient" is in the entire time.

Fleshers live and breathe, but they seemingly aren't "all there" at all. The lights are on, but no one's home anymore. All they do is wander the ruins of the CURIE and lash out at anyone who enters their territory - the WAU has basically reduced them to animals.

Terry's been driven insane from all the structure gel infesting his insides, and though his goal was "technically" benevolent (putting everyone into a permanent dream state where the WAU could make them live the best possible versions of their lives), he achieved it through incredibly violent means, conducting what was basically an attack on Theta and causing its downfall. So far, its attempts at preserving humans physically have simply resulted in increasingly grotesque and violent monstrosities - but I would argue you see that begin to change when Simon reaches Omicron.

When you reach it, you see the aftermath of a particularly gruesome procedure WAU had carried out - everyone's blackboxes have exploded, turning their heads to mush. We find out that one of the employees, with the help of someone particularly close to the WAU, had figured out how to poison it. They have been receiving "visions" and "messages" from a comatose Johan Ross - the WAU's "AI psychologist", someone it desperately tried to restore from a comatose state by manipulating structure gel with electromagnetic fields. Either the WAU deliberately retaliated when it figured out the poisoning plot, or it had simply overdone it when restoring Johan Ross - sacrificing an entire station's worth of lives to bring someone back. Either way this shows a tremendous amount of intelligence on the WAU's part - and also paints it as either exceptionally cruel or exceptionally empathetic depending on the perspective you view it from. Either it considered Johan so important to it that it was willing to sacrifice most Omicron staff, or it was willing to violently retaliate in order to preserve itself. Either way, Omicron houses what I believe to be a sign of the WAU's steadily improving understanding of humanity - Dr. Johan Ross.

He has been restored with both his physical health and mental faculties (relatively) intact. He isn't violent, and he perfectly understands what condition he is currently in - but despite that he doesn't seem to be physically suffering. He is still driven to eliminate the WAU, but it seems to be less out of personal suffering and more out of fear in regards to the suffering its other creations may go through. I believe he's an example of a semi-perfectly restored human - both him and Simon himself. They're both cases of, as Catherine puts it, "a sound mind in a sound body". But although the signs are there, there is no outright definitive proof that the WAU's creations will only continue to get better.

And that's what makes the game's final moral dilemma so compelling to me. The whole game has been providing us with both evidence and counterevidence towards the WAU's idea of restoring humanity. Now, it's up to you to act as its jury and executioner. By killing it you either stop it from torturing the memory of humanity, or you doom humanity to extinction in all senses of the word. By keeping it alive, you either doom the remnants of humanity to an eternal torturous existence, or you give the WAU a chance at creating something new. There is no way of knowing what choice is correct - because you don't know what the WAU is thinking. You never get to. You don't know its plans, you don't know if it even has the capacity to actually learn from its mistakes, hell, you don't even know if its capable of thought - but here it is. Making things. Terrible things, but there's a chance that it'll only get better with time. Simon himself is evidence of that chance. It has already managed to make what could be classified as a "complete" person. And if you kill it, Simon's going to be the last "complete" person it managed to bring back.

[bossuary]

remember when Anders was a Warden? ha ha. good times. yeah, but seriously why would Inquisition show us an epilogue of an exiled, post DA2 Anders living destitute in some cave...when they could have put him back with the Wardens?

You're telling me he wouldn't reconsider going back to them after the events at Adamant? After Justice learns what Corypheus did to the Wardens? Not Vengeance but JUSTICE. What a juicy piece of heartbreak, a necessary closure, for Anders to seek out the remaining Wardens...ugh, back in the ANDERFELS of all places. A bitter homecoming for a man who barely had a place to call home his whole life, unwelcome among mages who should show him the most kindness, brought with somber acceptance back into the fraternity of duty that he abandoned. A broken and limping faction itself.

Anders was lucky to have survived the Architect and Amaranthine. He was lucky to have survived his own righteousness in Kirkwall. Lucky to have survived the bloody conflict he sparked, that ate southern Thedas. Lucky, to have survived Corypheus' false calling and the whispering misery of the Nightmare.

Luck or Fate?

If he's still kicking around after the Breach is sealed and the Dread Wolf has risen, Anders has to wonder if there ought to be a purpose to his continued existence. If there's no such thing as destiny, then all that matters is choice. Every choice Anders has made has cost him dearly. He's nothing if not consistent! But rebels grow old, if they're lucky. They grow up, they grow into greater and more profound perspectives. The Anders who once said he'd basically rather die than go back to the Wardens, the same man who lived through the brutal widespread consequences of blowing up the Chantry, could absolutely make a different choice.

I have to believe some part of him still remembers what it was like to defend Amaranthine, to be willing to stand between the innocent and the darkness. To choose to serve, and not to run.

idk. . .of all the cameos and faction agents we could see in Veilguard, to find Anders and Justice among the Wardens would be a phenomenal and welcome plot twist.

[boinkingbattlemechs]

Urbanmech

The UrbanMech was designed for just what its name suggests: urban combat and defense, and may be classed as an ambusher. This was achieved by starting with a cheap, easily produced chassis, giving it six tons of Durallex armor to rival the protection found on many medium BattleMechs, and mounting a pair of Pitban 6000 jump jets for a jumping distance of 60 meters. The tradeoff was that it could only mount the miserable Leenex 60 engine, making the UrbanMech the slowest light 'Mech in existence with a cruising speed of 21.6 km/h and top speed of only 32.4 km/h. This was a severe disadvantage if the 'Mech attempted to fight in open country—something for only the foolish or desperate—but offset by the fact that fighting in the close confines of a Star League city left little room to maneuver anyways and the UrbanMech's low profile made it difficult to target. Thus the 'Mech was primarily used for fighting guerrillas and other light 'Mechs in an urban environment, an arena where it also achieved some success fighting medium and even heavy 'Mechs. Standard tactics for an UrbanMech lance was to split up into its constituent parts and occupy various buildings in order to snipe the enemy before falling back to the next defensive line.

Large numbers of UrbanMechs were produced by Orguss Industries from 2675 until the destruction of their assembly lines. The UrbanMech reentered production at the Betelgeuse facility of Hellespont Industrials during the Jihad, and continued to be manufactured up through 3149. As such, UrbanMechs could be found in all of the armies of the Successor States, however most military leaders saw the slow little 'Mech as a liability, confining their stockpiles to garrison duty or stripping them of parts. This dismissive attitude towards the UrbanMech saved it from the ravages of the Succession Wars and ensured its continued use into the thirty-first century. The Capellan Confederation remained the largest and only user of UrbanMechs to actually deploy them for front-line duty, a result of the devastation of the Fourth Succession War and their desperation for any 'Mech to replenish their losses. The Confederation Reserve Cavalry and Capellan Defense Force had the lion's share of UrbanMechs, followed by the Tikonov Republican Guard and St. Ives Armored Cavalry; outside the Confederation the Federated Suns' Capellan March Militia fielded the largest number of UrbanMechs due to the fact it was composed of large amounts of captured Capellan equipment. Its prominence within the Confederation meant the UrbanMech was among those 'Mechs within the CCAF to receive upgrades following the recovery of lostech; the other States followed suit with much less priority over improving other 'Mechs. Despite this the sheer cost necessary to replace the UrbanMech's engine and increase its top speed meant even the Confederation limited their refit packages to improving the weapons and armor only. At some point, the common 'Mech earned a cocktail in its name.

A testament to the desperation of the Word of Blake Jihad, Hellespont Industrials would reactivate a shuttered production facility on Betelgeuse to produce the UrbanMech alongside primitive "retrotech" designs for material starved Capellan garrison forces. This plant would maintain production of the UrbanMech in a steadily increasing volume of configurations throughout the Dark Age era as the CCAF secretly expanded before it waged war against the Republic of the Sphere. Rather than dramatic and expensive enhancements, Hellespont's new variants retain the venerable design's low ground speed urban combat focus and can be applied as refits as readily as new production.

The UrbanMech packs a powerful punch for its size. The standard version carries an Imperator-B AC/10 in its right arm and a Harmon Light small laser in the left arm for suppressing infantry as well as a backup weapon. With these two weapons the UrbanMech can constantly harass, or if piloted by an experienced enough MechWarrior, down 'Mechs up to twice its own size. A single ton of ammo for the autocannon, located in the right torso, leaves little endurance for a prolonged fight, though it fits in perfectly with the hit-and-run nature of the 'Mech; one way or another most observers agree the UrbanMech is good for about two minutes of combat.

[madou-dilou]

Harrow and Viren : analysis

Viren, since he resurrected in season 4, is constantly paralleled with Harrow.

"It's been a long time. Our kingdom is prospering. There is peace. My boys, they are growing up. Perhaps it's wiser to stay focused on these blessings."

"My whole life, I have been chasing after things I did not have. Now that I'm here and may have only thirty days left, do I really want to spent those days ... chasing ? Maybe I should stop and appreciate what I do have. A whole month, enjoying every moment with my daughter. Maybe it's time for me to accept that I am who I am. And when I reach the end, I'll be at peace. And it will just be the time to let me go."

Both reevaluate their lives, questioning the crimes they left in their wake. They feel like they have escaped justice. Their loved ones do their best, encourage them to continue living, of course, but they have come to the conclusion that if their life has left such a trail of blood, prolonging it will only spread more.

That at this point, the only right thing they could do for the world was leaving it.

For said loved ones, this attitude makes no sense and feels straight-up ungrateful. ("You are acting stubborn and ungrateful!"/"Please, dad, don't. Don't do this. Don't leave. It's a mistake. You can't. I saved you! You me your life! You have to stay...")

Especially since Harrow and Viren are both incapable of explaining themselves clearly. Viren straight-up tells Harrow he doesnt understand where he is coming from, and Harrow only answers "I know you don't. Leave me." Viren, meanwhile, talks about "a path of truth of freedom" that he needs to face.

In short, to quote Kaamelott's queen Guinevere "You slit your wrists in a bath I had myself prepared just for you."

Two kings caught in blood feuds, pushed by the devils on their shoulders to prolong an existence they no longer want, even at the cost of two being supposed to be sacrifices: a soldier, who signed for that (unlike the High Mage, side-eye Harrow), and this homunculus.

Both thus renounce dark magic by, as Harrow says, "calling it what it is" for the first time; and no longer “a creative solution to solve this” as Viren used to say.

And just as Harrow wrote a letter to his son Callum to free him from the wrongs of the previous generation, Viren attempts to do the same.

To Callum, Harrow tried to explain that the past, which we must nevertheless seek to understand, should not define the future; that his death must close the cycle of revenge that he initiated with the assassination of the Titan and for which he takes full responsibility; and that his sons must ensure a new era of peace. As he prepares to face death, he also makes sure his last conversation with Ezran is completely mundane, so the boy does not grow up thinking he abandonned him.

However, Harrow did not think to officially appoint a regent (Viren, Amaya or Opeli), which forces poor Ezran to assume a horrible role for which, at eight years old, he is obviously absolutely not prepared.

Which obviously puts the kingdom in a dangerous situation.

In his letter to Soren, Viren is very literal. He wants Soren to judge him, but for him to have all the necessary elements to do so; he wants Soren to understands why he made all these mistakes. Viren tells Soren that all the suffering he felt was never his fault, but his own.

It was Viren and Viren alone who chose to become a monster by violating Kppar then Lissa, thus causing her departure, then making Soren pay for it throughout his childhood.

The letter was intended to free Soren of all guilt. Because, when you get given the cold shoulder by your father throughout your whole childhood, you believe it has to be your fault. All divorce children think it's their fault.

The problem is, reading the truth might as well make Soren feel worse. Because this letter confirms that it was to save him that Viren destroyed the family, even if it was a choice that Viren made. According to Puzzle House, Soren remembers that he was sick, that his grandfather disappeared, that his father saved him, and that his mother left, but he could never connect the dots between all these events.

This letter means that the simple fact that Soren was alive was indeed the first crack that eventually caused the whole house to collapse.

Viren therefore chose to burn the letter, hoping to spare his son such a burden.

Both Viren's and Harrow's deaths have something of a suicide to them, and not just in the letters they leave behind.

Remember my post comparing their actions to the quote from the Kaamelott show ? "What is someone who suffers and spills his blood on the floor so that everyone is guilty? All suicides are Christ. All bathtubs are the Grail."

In short, I was trying to explain how their masochism made others suffer.

Harrow claims to consider himself a servant, and he certainly means it. He is humble, is aware monarchy is an unfair system and has a great sense of honor, not hesitating to defy certain traditions - by sharing his official portrait with Viren - and to put his own life at stake. But when, for example, he finds nothing better to do than deprive his people of food simply to honor a promise, his claims sound particularly hollow. He is out-of-touch enough not to know the state his kingdom is in, so he will certainly not have to see his own family starve. But he set out to restore some justice to the world, however stupid this justice is. He seems to consider that by sacrificing the kingdom, he is sacrificing himself. And during his heroic death, that by sacrificing himself, he will save the kingdom instead of plunging it into chaos.

Viren, most probably partly because of his social origins that he keeps getting reminded of (and a fun childhood too, the guy insults himself in front of the mirror until he breaks down crying and constantly devalues his son) is haunted by an inferiority complex. To be useless. He has a morbid need for gratitude. Hoping to matter, to serve a purpose, he spent years self-destructing through dark magic, constantly putting himself in danger, ruining his health, wiping behind the king's decisions, or letting Aaravos exploit his body in increasingly abject ways. In short, to see himself only as a means to an end.

This feeling of ungratefulness is not unfounded: not only is the king actually incompetent enough not to have the slightest idea of ​​the state of his kingdom's resources, but in addition, where any swordsman would display with pride the scars of his craft, Viren is forced to hide his swollen face - it is even part of the reason why his wife left him.

The problem is that his own self-sacrificing tendancies made him think he had the right to exploit others: his wife, Sarai, Harrow, the princes, Soren, and a few thousand others, and I'm probably forgetting some.

That since sacrificing others was difficult for him, it made him the hero.

Viren probably suffers from a huge martyr syndrome: being able to exist only through the gratitude of others, he begins to take charge of all their problems, even unsollicited, and even if it means creating others in the process. It doesnt make him evil. It's an unconcious strategy to simply survive.

Since he is competent, no-nonesense, pragmatic and literally magical, he ends up making himself absolutely indispensable. No one but him could save two kingdoms from famine. Even more so, Sarai, Harrow's wife, sacrificed herself to save him because he was a mage. This survivor's guilt may have made this problem worse.

His mentality, which he summed up as "get a grip" to a traumatized Terry, also likely played a role in the deterioration of his relationship with Harrow. After Sarai's death, Viren probably felt that he ought to be the immovable and unshakable pillar on which Harrow should be able to rely. That if he ever showed the slightest doubt, the slightest weakness, Harrow, and with him, the kingdom, would collapse. Whereas if Viren had been less constipated, Harrow would undoubtedly have felt less lonely, and would have been less likely to take his own life as he did.

Viren is the brain of the heart. He provides a safeguard to Harrow, whose sense of justice blinds him. Harrow has, after all, indeed chosen the Blindfold in his dream, to push him to imagine a system aimed at protecting everyone equally. An ideal, unrealistic and inconsiderate. Viren is the Scales, in my opinion: he compares the costs of his actions to the positive consequences that will result from them. He is a result-oriented person, measuring his self-worth by his productivity.

Now, it's time for me to talk about the Drama Triangle, theorized by psychiatrist Stephen Karpman in his article Fairy Tales and script drama analysis.

Karpmann first applies this schema to fairy tales: for example, the Piper of Hamelin saves the villagers, victims of the rats who persecute them; but instead of thanking him, the villagers throw stones at him and banish him without paying their dues; which pushes the Piper to take revenge, becoming a persecutor, by making all the children of the village disappear.

But this Triangle, as Karpman explains, is also an unconscious psychological game, a relational pattern between victim, persecutor and savior that cannot be applied to an emergency situation. It is not necessary for all three instances of the triangle to be present, but it is often enough for one person to play the game for the others to get involved. Stephen Karpman adds that the more roles are reversed in a single scene, the more intense it is in emotion and conflict.

The victim is isolated, passive and unable to make decisions to resolve their problems. The persecutor belittles them, minimizes their suffering and mocks them in the hope of making them react. The savior defends them, feels obliged to solve the victim's problems for him even unsollicited, which is very gratifying for them but maintains the victim in a state of dependence.

None of these roles are positive because they create unbalanced relationships.

The problem, you can see it coming, is that over the years, Harrow has become completely dependent on Viren to put his grand ideas into practice, and therefore on the "necessary" crimes that Viren lined up like pearls on a necklace. It's not just dirty, it's also infantilising. Viren constantly acts as a savior, which places Harrow in a victim role, unaccustomed to questioning Viren's decisions even when he is wrong.

Harrow couldn't take it anymore.

He became so fed up with his own dependence on Viren that he concluded the only way to get rid of him was to die.

Harrow could have hidden with the princes, or fired his entire guard and faced the consequences of his actions alone, but he just seized the opportunity to sell his skin dearly and die a hero.

I would even go so far as to say that for Harrow, his own death served three purposes:

Reunite with Sarai without whom his life no longer has meaning

Finally receive his rightful punishment and put an end to his own feelings of guilt

Make Viren finally feel guilty about something, even if it was his suicide. He wants him to see his blood spilled on the floor.

In short, to finally regain control by placing Viren in the role of victim, while becoming the persecutor.

"I have tolerated your arrogance for to long. But if this is my last day as king, I will make sure you will know your place."

Viren, throughout seasons 1 and 2, paying for Harrow's mistakes as he always did, tried to position himself as the savior of the human kingdoms, that were then facing a crisis situation: as a result, he is rejected at every turn, completely isolated, sentenced to death for treason and completely unable to resolve his problems. In short, a victim.

And who is it that "saves" him ?

Aaravos, by presenting himself as Viren's "servant", flatters his ego and points out persecutors to blame. However, Viren is not a fool: he is aware of being manipulated. He knows that Aaravos is deliberately withholding a lot of information from him. But he throws himself into it of his own free will. He's more stressed than everyone else as well as grieving, he back to the wall and isn't thinking like the rest of the world: as far as he is concerned, he has only made a series of unavoidable decisions, which had doors and doors shutting in his face over and over, plunging him further and further into sheer darkness.

Until he has "nothing left to lose". Until the man who he has chained to a wall is freer than him. Until the knife eventually becomes the border between two worlds, separating him from the only source of light, pale, artificial, unforgiving, coming from "worse than death": Aaravos.

Yeah, it's clearly suicide-coded.

Viren (believing he was doing the right thing) got the worst out of Harrow, just as Aaravos (wanting to cause chaos for fun) got the worst out of Viren.

And just like Harrow, the only way Viren had to get rid of the devil on his shoulder was to die.

And as for Viren's third death in the sixth season, heroic if ever there was one (on the very balcony where he looked at his wrist in season 2), it is also no coincidence that he repeats Harrow's last words to him, told to humiliate him : "I am a servant."

This term carries an ambivalence: the nobility of abnegation and the humiliation of submission.

Although Harrow saw himself as a servant of the kingdom and promoted equality in his reforms and symbols, he eventually grew tired of it. He does sacrifice his own life to end the cycle of revenge, but since he does not take the trouble to prepare for his succession, even if only by ensuring that the princes are safe, the result is a total disaster. He also devotes the last minutes of his existence to being completely unjustified cruelty towards Viren. His death was a way for him to finally regain control.

Viren, hurt that Harrow lowered him to the ground by mistaking his self-sacrifice for arrogance and once again leaving him to pay the price for his decisions, has made this term the justification for his crimes... confusing, in his good intentions, “serving the people” for “using the people”.

Viren was completely willing to sacrifice himself to save Harrow in Season 1, but Harrow, determined to regain control, didn't even listen to him; and Viren immediately recanted when Harrow refused to recognize him as an equal. Although it could not have been more sincere, the sacrifice of his own life was then rejected by the plot because it was done without humility.

(or maybe Harrow immediately understood what Viren was going to do and scolded him to dissuade him)

Viren was then reduced to his greatest weakness : his existential need for gratitude.

And more than ever, he was the only one with common sense in the room, on top of being belittled for his absence of royal blood. He still thinks he knows better than everyone else, just as he always actually did. Anyone who crosses his vision ought to be killed. No matter how much he has to harm others and himself (burning his own eyes, committing high treason and sentencing himself to death, giving in body and soul to "worse than death", letting Aaravos manipulate his body in absolutely gross ways, risking being burned at the stake) in the process. Aaravos sees straight through, exploits this, because it's what dark magic is: it's dehumanising yourself as well as others; seeing no longer people but components and obstacles. Viren harms himself to be seen as a hero, not a servant. He needs gratitude, admiration. To be seen as above. A servant is beneath, only ever doing what he is told.

But today, Viren, haunted by the vision of Harrow's blood on the floor, chooses to sacrifice himself, thus saving the population of Katolis in the face of dragon fire, to sacrifice himself alone and no one else, reviled, hated, and misunderstood. The official portrait of him and Harrow, symbolizing his noble deeds and the good they were able to do together, burned in the castle fire.

He dies not in court clothes but in rags, not as an official hero showered with praise, but as a traitor. Soren will never know what he did for him as a child, Viren doesn't want his death to haunt him.

Even though he dies as the Lord Protector of the Realm Ezran could not be, in the eyes of history, Viren will remain the traitor. The Evil Chancellor, Jafar, Richard III, Iago, Scar.

No one will see his blood as he spills it on the floor of Harrow's room.

Servants of the realm indeed.

[fallloverfic]

I always come back to this ENNEAD panel in S01E40 because it's so painful in so many ways: Seth being brutally honest and embarrassed, and you can tell how hurt he is by what he's learned about Anubis, Nephthys, and Osiris, and it comes back to this thing I love exploring in fiction, which is the idea that you can want better for the people you care about, and also know that their choice will hurt you, and be afraid for yourself/of that moment they make the inevitable choice, but also kind of want them to make that choice anyway because you really care about them and want what's best for them and want them to follow their hearts. This kind of... supportive, self-sacrificing thing mixed with self-esteem issues and/or self-loathing.

CW: references to child abuse, cannibalism, and late series spoilers

In S01E01, we're told a story about how Seth was made jealous of Osiris due to Sekhmet, then butchered Osiris, demanded Isis sleep with him, imprisoned her in a labyrinth when she refused, and then terrorized Egypt for hundreds of years. He's shown to be obnoxious and arrogant and thinks little of the other gods who don't stand up to him, "This is what gods are like after all, hmph."

In S01E02, we see an unknown boy (well if you read online you can see the family tree with Anubis' picture but if you read in the physical release or just skipped the tree, you don't know who he is) talking to Nephthys in a prison cell, begging her to leave Heliopolis, and eventually learn this is Anubis, son of Nephthys and Seth, and Anubis has a plan in mind. And he says, "Mother, I'm begging you!! Rid yourself of these lingering affections!! I'm telling you, the father we used to know no longer exists!!"

Nephthys insists otherwise.

There are hints here that Seth was, at least once and perhaps still, loved, deeply. That he was someone who wasn't as cruel as the weary butcher watching humans fight to death for entertainment that we're introduced to.

In S01E03, it's kind of unclear what Seth turns back to look at in the second to last panel, but we see him gazing behind him, and then a shot of Anubis' back as he gazes down at his spear, clearly not keeping Horus busy while Seth confronts Isis. It seems like Seth is seeing Anubis betray him (he thanks Anubis in S01E05).

In S01E04 we see Anubis looking upset about what he's done, which continues into S01E05, where we get a flashback of Seth hunting with a very small Anubis in his arms. This is presumably pre-the night of usurpation. Seth says to Anubis, "You want to become a god like me? What gave you that thought? The god of war is not a particularly respectable position to be in."

Anubis: "But Father, they told me that Egypt is a peaceful place because you protect Mother. Isn't that more than enough to be respected for?"

Seth: "...Sure. War is sometimes necessary when you need to protect your family, your land. However, you must not turn a blind eye to the manslaughter that happens within war. Only the water flowing through the lands of chaos has the right to deliver "death." Though if you escape the current and row yourself towards greed, in the end, the curse of those that have died innocent deaths will gather, and it will become your sword, destined to bestow death upon others. That's why my sword is the strongest of them all. Although that's also why it's the heaviest. You have no need to take upon yourself this burden. When you have your coming-of-age ceremony, this father of yours... ...hopes that you will become a god just like your mother."

His responsibility is a heavy one. One he doesn't want Anubis to bear. He's strong, but at a cost.

In S02E89, Horus, after learning about some of the difficulties Seth faced at war - watching human soldiers struggle and die, and the hard choices Seth had to make to help them (e.g., let them turn to cannibalism to survive, and sometimes cannibalizing their own troops) - and how that affected his own psyche - making him, for a time, not into eating food, and later simply being disinterested in it - asks, "Did you... ...actually not want to go to war?"

And Seth stares at him, and then looks like this:

Seth: "I didn't have a choice. It was just my duty... I had to protect Egypt, so I did."

When Horus asks about jealousy, about Seth's siblings living at home in luxury while Seth suffered, Seth notes, "We all had so many of our own things to do." He calls Osiris' job the most important, because humans needed a stable food supply. He even jokingly notes what Osiris was doing might be considered harder, at least in comparison to fighting a war.

And he seemingly thought of leaving Egypt, but didn't feel like he could.

What we also generally get from the story is Seth is very proud of his abilities, and doesn't like being protected or at least seen as weak. The doubt Osiris put in him was about his own abilities: in S01E35, Sekhmet notes that, "Seth unconsciously believed that he himself was weak . . . Osiris imprinted a sense of weakness upon Egypt's most formidable soldier." Seth frequently grows furious whenever his competence is thrown into question, whether it's other people protecting him, or other people beating him, because it makes him feel like he's weak.

Seth believes his role as a god of war is necessary, and that he is, in a lot of ways, good at it, and people who harm Egypt's peace should live in fear of him... but he doesn't respect it. He doesn't think it's noble or good, and even thinks it's repulsive (and as Seth explains, that's kind of the point of it, because the horror makes it more powerful). He tells Anubis not to emulate him or try to become like him: Anubis should become a god of peace like Nephthys. An actually respectable position. Seth spent thousands of years protecting Egypt this way, and he thinks it's not something anyone should strive for (S01E40).

In S01E38, he even tells Anubis to kill Seth if he wants Seth dead.

In S01E05, Seth beats up Anubis, badly, in front of Nephthys' cell, allegedly because of Anubis' betrayal. It's not clear how Anubis got there: if Seth brought him there so Nephthys would see it, if Anubis fled to Nephthys after the other gods confronted Seth, and Seth found him there, or what. All we know is Seth beat up Anubis while Nephthys (in an unlocked cell) watched, and she was visibly distressed by it, to the point of tears.

Whether Seth meant for her to see it or didn't plan it through or what is unclear.

In S01E69, Nephthys states, "Seth never imprisoned me, not once. The door of the prison cell was always kept open. I was the one who went into the prison of my own free will. All Seth did was neglect and ignore me. He never once committed any direct violence towards me."

She views this as punishment for her own acts. It seems like Seth avoided her through most of the time since he discovered parts of the truth of her actions from Sekhmet and Nephthys herself before Osiris killed himself. It's entirely possible Seth didn't even appear before her until just before the trial, when he attacked Anubis in front of her. He might have visited her more often, but the possibility he just stayed away from her is also there, if only out of his own pain at her apparent rejection of him in favor of Osiris. Perhaps the last time he even touched her was in the flashback in S01E35, after she walks in on Sekhmet talking with Seth, and he seems to grab her briefly - when she admits Anubis is Osiris' son (S01E40) - before turning away and going after Osiris (S01E35).

In S01E40, Seth accuses Osiris of coveting Nephthys, and going behind Seth's back to steal her. He insists Osiris is to blame, not Nephthys.

Until Osiris states that Nephthys had the idea to come to Osiris and ask for help having a baby with Seth, because she and Seth had trouble conceiving, and (Nephthys claimed) Seth wanted a child.

It's not clear what of the many things Osiris is talking about Seth is referencing, but Seth thinks after hearing this, "It was my fault?" It kind of seems like Seth is blaming himself for Nephthys going to Osiris, though.

As Seth begins to accept all this, he grows increasingly visibly upset as he notes she did this without discussing it with him. As Seth grows increasingly honest about his thoughts, he finally says, "I was scared... I was afraid of being forgotten by [Nephthys and Anubis]."

He elaborates in S01E41, "I always just acted angry so that I wouldn't have to hear what she had to say. She was probably afraid of things ending up this way". He imagines she was scared of his reaction. Scared of him. But he had fears about this even before he got confirmation, to the point he was purposefully ruining their relationship to avoid getting that confirmation.

This is on top of Osiris encouraging Seth's self-doubt about Seth's capabilities, insisting that Seth's merits are due to Osiris, "If I hadn't made you the god of war and the desert, she would've never chosen you to be her husband. Peace may only be bestowed upon those that are strong." (S01E35). Seth even wonders if his being properly acknowledged as king of Egypt might make Nephthys finally acknowledge him, and that "Only the strongest one can achieve what I want." (S01E58).

Seth cut himself off from Nephthys, even before he learns about Anubis' biological father, but more so afterward. Part of this is shame, as he thinks in S01E71, "Nephthys must not learn the truth! She won't see me as a man anymore. She'll find me repulsive!" Part of it is the doubt Osiris planted in him. Part of it is seemingly the distaste he imagines other people, including Nephthys, should have over his abilities and position.

In sum, even when Seth hates Osiris the most, he believes Osiris' role is more important to Egypt. He believes Osiris is more powerful. He believes his own role is not respectable. He believes the woman he loves is better off without him and wouldn't want him. And Seth believes his son is better off emulating people who are not Seth. He wants them to do what's best for them, which involves ignoring him completely and moving on. He even tells Anubis to kill Seth if that's what he wants.

And he's terrified of it, too. Because as we see in S01E40 and S01E61, he still loves Anubis. He was so happy when Anubis was born ("The happiness I felt when I first held Anubis in my arms" S01E40). He's okay with Anubis hating him, so long as Anubis still stays his son. He says, "I'm sorry. You must've been in so much pain. You must've been so scared. It's all my fault. . . . You can hate me all you like. You don't need to forgive me. So please don't cast me aside. You're all I need."

This is hearkening back to S01E40, where Seth kept fastening on to the concept that Anubis is Osiris' son, and Osiris even reminds him, "The one who gave Anubis his name, and the one whom Anubis calls his father, is you." No matter what, Seth is Anubis' father.

But the doubt is already there, even before Osiris makes it worse. The shame. Seth already told Anubis not to emulate him by this point. He was already rejecting Nephthys before he learned the truth from Sekhmet and Nephthys, and he still cared about her and her high opinion, even during the sentencing, after he's ignored her for hundreds of years.

In S02E69, Horus claims that the eye of truth showed him something in Seth's soul, in similar words to what Seth said to Horus in Khemmis, and that this is related to Seth's awakening as a god, which he'd forgotten, because that's what happens when you awaken as a god (though Seth, Nephthys, and Isis are unaware of this). The teardrop says repeatedly, "forget our . . . ared what w . . . want to go bac . . . [w]ant him to dis[a] . . . stay by my sid . . . [r]emain as a child . . . he becomes a god . . . [c]an't leave me he can . . . let him become a go[d] . . . he becomes a god . . . [he]'ll forget our past . . . scared what will I d[o] . . . want to go back".

This is actually pretty similar to what he verbalizes to Horus in Khemmis, but I also recall when Anubis says in S02E31, "Just as all gods do, I instinctively know who sired me." It's unclear if Seth knows this is a thing or what, but the sentencing where Anubis learns Osiris is his biological father was after Seth showing his fears to Horus at Khemmis, so Anubis hadn't learned at the time. It seems to me like Seth's specific fear is Anubis learning his true parentage. Whether or not that's instinctive when you become a god isn't even that important, because Anubis might learn just by revealing his powers and changing his body to his godly form, because it seems like gods emulate their parents to some degree (or at least the possibility is there).

To elaborate, Seth didn't know what kind of god Anubis would become when he ascends (as shown in S01E05, he hoped Anubis would emulate his mother). In S02E29-30, he seems a mix of happy, surprised, and angry about Anubis' godly form. He thinks, with a sad smile, "So this is what you look like... . . . This is how you look as a god..." (S02E29) and then gets angry, noting, "Why are you dragging around dead bodies...? . . . You were born so beautiful, so you should have been like your mother! Why... ...are you wearing that silly mask...?"

This is possibly recalling Seth's comments in S01E05 about his own connection with death and his wish that Anubis doesn't have to do something so repulsive, and Seth's wish that, of his parents (Nephthys and Seth), Anubis instead emulates Nephthys, who doesn't do that. His comments about Anubis' mask, "Even your mask looks like mine! It's proof that you subconsciously remember me!" (S02E31) is also pointing out the connection between them, a connection Seth made back in S02E12, when he recalled the similarities in the unknown god's fighting skills and Anubis' abilities, as well as when Seth made Anubis a sand sha mask. He doesn't like the signs of Anubis emulating him at all, even in the slightest.

The general point again being, Seth had no idea what Anubis was going to look like as a god before he saw it in person. But I imagine he was simultaneously hopeful Anubis would emulate Nephthys but also afraid that not only would Anubis not emulate Seth at all - ignoring their connection - but also afraid Anubis would emulate both his biological parents, particularly Osiris. Perhaps that's how he would discover Osiris is his biological father. There's just a lot of ways becoming a god would show him the truth, and then things would be over between Anubis and Seth.

Because Anubis would learn Osiris, a god doing something respected like managing agriculture, is his biological father. Osiris, a powerful god who claims to be responsible for Seth's merits, which is a deep part of Seth's doubts about his own abilities (confirming that Seth is indeed lesser). Osiris, whom even Nephthys seemingly fell in love with, and maybe always loved (Seth doesn't know about the mirror, this is his anxiety, self-esteem issues, and Osiris' lies praying on his mind).

Seth in Khemmis is afraid Anubis will learn Osiris is Anubis' biological father or "real" father (at least in accordance with Seth's insistence that Anubis is Osiris' child) and abandon Seth for Osiris. Because, despite everything they had as a loving father and son, Osiris is the "better" choice. Why wouldn't Anubis do that? Even some part of Seth understands it. Seth views himself as so lacking that he thinks Anubis would discard their past together and easily pick the "better" option of Osiris.

He understands the reasoning.

But Seth is terrified, too. He loves Anubis. He loves being Anubis' father. He doesn't want to lose Anubis even as he wants Anubis to be happy and do as Anubis pleases. He's afraid of what that break will do to him. And we see the result: he cries and screams in S02E30, claiming their promise - which Anubis has forgotten - is all Seth has, and Anubis the "the only reason I have to live!". In S02E31 he grows upset about Anubis forgetting him, and cries more. He cries again about Anubis forgetting their promise in S02E64. He cries about Anubis being in Osiris' clutches again in S02E68. This is on top of Seth's fear that if Anubis goes to Osiris, Osiris will hurt Anubis more, after Osiris callously nearly killed Anubis as fodder for the child Osiris planned to have with Seth during the night of usurpation, and again after learning Osiris was using Anubis as a puppet during the trial, allowing Anubis to take Seth's attacks in Osiris' place. In S02E68, Seth screams about his fears of Anubis being hurt by Osiris, "You saw me kiss him! And for that Osiris sewed his lips shut and turned him into an idiot!! . . . What if he gets hurt again because of me?!"

He doesn't want Anubis to emulate him, but he's afraid of Anubis not doing that because it will be Anubis rejecting him. He doesn't want Nephthys to tell him she didn't love him, that Anubis wasn't his (biological) child, but he felt it was inevitable, because how could he have a beautiful child? How could she love someone like him? But also he loves her, so he doesn't want her to reject him, either. Not only because he just loved her, but also because he doesn't want her rejection to show he's unworthy as a man or as a person.

He loves them both, but he started removing himself from their lives long before the night of usurpation. He made himself a monster, in large part to push them away before they rejected him, as a form of self-protection. He never wanted Nephthys to tell him Anubis wasn't his (biological) son (S01E40). He never wanted to have to fully accept the gravity of that statement.

Sometimes the things we have to accept about people are hard, and hurt us. And we have to accept them anyway, but the fear is there, too.

He's so caught between wanting them to do what's best for them, and wanting to remove himself from ruining them both, and his own fears of them leaving him. He does what he has to, not necessarily because he wants to, and this, he feels, he has to. He's full of self-loathing and the capacity for affection that he hides out of shame, pain, and a sense of duty. It's so sad.

On the other hand, I do think there's hope in that. Seth's duty does define him in a lot of ways, many of which are unfortunate, but not all. It's when Seth abandons protecting Egypt and turns to sabotaging it, making its gods cower, killing its people, destroying the land, that he really loses it all. But with how the story is going, he's actively worried about the country's stability: he actually criticizes and instructs Horus about being mindful of managing Egypt and being wary of Ra (and Hathor) in S02E88, not to mention the numerous times he's noted Horus should be helping Isis run the country. FG's offer to fight a war against Egypt for Seth infuriated Seth, and seemingly activated his protective instincts over the country: "How dare you bring up war in front of me, when I spent thousands of years protecting Egypt?" (S02E48). I honestly think FG's presence is largely to make Seth look to protecting Egypt's borders again, and being more aware of other nations and how Egypt will work with and against them. And Horus is there to remind Seth of his being a guardian god (S02E74). Anubis' plight has made him actively care about the state of Duat (S02E68). While being around Horus is making him question his own thoughts about his role and the choices he makes, and uncovering things even he didn't know (e.g., the letters he and Isis exchanged in the flashback in S02E69, or what's up with the Ogdoad). He's learning what he cares about again, rather than drowning in self-pity and hatred, and Horus in particular makes him think about the stuff he enjoys best, including being a guardian and not panicking so much.

A deep part of why Horus/Seth works as a pairing is because Seth believes he is strong but unlovable and perhaps not as strong as he thinks he is due to self-doubt, while the people around him deserve better, while Horus believes Seth is strong, lovable, and worth of protection because of how fragile Seth can be in many ways. They both have different wisdom and can see flaws the other one has, and point them out for future improvement, and, on some level, respect each other (for all Seth's many derogatory comments, he respects Horus, for example, when he tries to impress Horus at the fight at Isis' temple in S02E53). And Horus sees him, in a way other people don't, even if Horus isn't always right about it. But unlike other characters, he's willing to learn. Whereas Horus really does need guidance about being a strong ruler.

I also think that there's hope for reconciliation with Nephthys and Anubis. Certainly Seth is fighting to keep his relationship with Anubis good, and with Nephthys having her feelings changed by the mirror, perhaps with Isis' help, they can restore her, and Nephthys can continue her own healing journey. Perhaps she and Seth will start a new friendship. Even if it never happens, I think they both have developed and will develop enough to maybe meet as siblings again one day, working together peacefully. I doubt it'll be more than that, but it's more than they have now.

Seth's story is still sad and I imagine we're going to learn more as the story progresses, but there's a lot of hope, too.

[rosinkreutz]

PLEEAAASEEEE elaborate on ur thoughts abt RK and R# that’s so fascinating. if u feel up to it ofc

This made me go back and look at Asuka's arcade mode transcript, which made me notice something interesting with the writing but I'll get back to it later. Also, for the record, R# is in fact the only clone. All the people RK fights in the arcade mode are a simulations created by R#, including the final boss. So, in typical Asuka fashion, RK does not tell R# why he made him, and R# naturally wonders the meaning for his existence. He comes up with a few ideas. RK says it's because he wanted to see if he could make a perfect lifeform after seeing ABA and the Valentine sisters (what about Jackie...?). R# figures it's because RK was lonely after not seeing another living person for months. Both of these aren't wrong, but they don't get to the bottom of it. This leads R# to the following: His hypotheses. R# never says directly what they are, but does they involve the facts that R# likes himself and RK does not. These are both the true reasons for R#'s existence. RK wants to commit suicide, but feels like he can't because he has a duty to the world. So, he makes R#, a "better" version of himself to be his replacement. On the first point, if you're looking for any proof, see the following: 1.) Most obviously, this line from R#: "But at least tell me you'll keep walking. Even if you lose your way. As long as one person out there cares about you… It's worth it just to try to keep them happy." 2.) RK literally has to fight for his life against himself at the end of the arcade mode. 3.) R# is wearing the color scheme that has been synonymous with RK throughout the entirety of Guilty Gear, because RK intends for R# to be the "new" Asuka. But the point of Asuka's arcade mode isn't just R# trying to save RK, it's R# trying to show RK that he can't just rip out the parts of himself that he doesn't like. It harkons back to one of GG's big themes of self-actualization and one's sense of self. RK deliberately makes R# to be chatty, friendly, and to like himself, but goes on to be continuously surprised throughout the arcade mode that R# acts like a different person and not just "me but better". Because RK doesn't want to face himself, he doesn't want to self-reflect and comes to terms with who he is, he just wants to tear it apart and be done with everything. The point R# is trying to make is that there is no "me but better". It's just him. If he's going to keep living, RK needs to accept all parts of himself, no matter how horrible he thinks they are. Which isn't to say that RK can't change, it just means he can't deny that parts of himself exist. After all, RK has spent pretty much 90% of his entire 200 or so years of life playing the role of a monster. He says in story mode that he's pretty much never done anything for himself. There's things that he likes and dislikes, but beyond that, he has no idea who he actually is. (In regards to the interesting thing I noticed- It's R# that uses the words "ethically bankrupt monster". RK just says "pathetic ineffectual nerd" to describe himself. Which feels like it should be the opposite in terms of severity. It might just go back to RK's rejection of himself, but it's not like RK isn't acutely aware of the first thing, and he obviously knows very well that it's the reason he wants to die and not the nerd thing. My theory is that he just thinks that he still has the mindset of the ends justifying the means, no matter the cost. He still feels like he needs to take care of the world, but just doesn't see a way that can always be done with a moral lens. Hence R# not having morals. Yeah he's doing it from a distance now with his radio show, but if a large Universal Will-level threat were to show up again, I highly doubt he'd just sit there. So, he wanted R# to have an easier time making the necessary decisions and not being tormented with them later.)

[cosmiccrushes]

What If

Solas x Lavellan | 1.5k words

What if Solas had told her the truth when he meant to?

Solas exhales a deep breath, one he might have been holding since before he led her into this glade. Since before he made the decision to bring her here. Since he held her hand up towards the sky to wield a magic she should not even have. 

He relishes the way the moonlight dances across her freckles and vallaslin. In the beginning, seeing those markings on her had only brought him a detached sort of sorrow, having seen them adorn the faces of many Dalish over his long, endless centuries. If there existed a vallaslin for Fen’Harel, he wondered what he would feel if she had chosen it. Would she choose him now, when she knew the truth of her peoples’ Old Gods?

Over time, as he came to know her, those markings had tapped into a deep well of rage within him- and shame. Unbearable shame. He was the reason she wore those markings on her face with no idea of the heinous past they truly represented. He was the reason she bore an ancient magic upon her hand that would eventually kill her. He was the reason her sky was torn open and every day of her life was a fight to survive now. He was the reason and she deserved so much better. 

Thus, she was the reason he was standing in this glade about to make a choice. A choice that would forever change his trajectory. A choice he cannot decide if it is brave to make or incredibly selfish of him. 

But she changes everything. He tried to resist it but with her every curious question about the Fade she worked her way into his heart. With every act of compassion she showed towards spirits, she embedded herself deeper until he found that she had lodged herself next to that well of emotion he had not drank from in centuries. Suddenly he felt. He felt fear and anger, joy and hope, grief. He felt it all, with her, for her. Solas realized it like a bright, clear sunrise dawning on him after centuries of clouded night. He loved her. And if he loved her, the only way to show it was with the truth. 

That truth, well, it may be the last conversation he is ever privileged to have with her. But she deserves it and he needs it. He needs to know if he has been…wrong. If there is another way that his pride prevented him from seeing. The path he walks, the Din’anshiral. It is one he would protect her from at all costs. But perhaps…it is not one he needs to walk at all. What if… What if this feeling blossoming in his heart… What if this seed of possibility sprouting roots inside of him… What if it meant everything was allowed to change? What if he was allowed to water it, nurture it into a future he had never considered before her?

“I was trying to determine some way to show you what you mean to me,” Solas says to her. 

“That’s not necessary, Solas. You’re my…” She trails off, a question in her eyes. Her brows scrunch together and his fingers ache to reach out and smooth them down, to remove any weight of doubt from her mind about what she means to him. 

“That is the question, is it not? For now, the best gift I can offer is the truth…” Solas braces himself against the spike of fear. Would she still want to name what they are to one another after this? Would the only name to suffice be monster or enemy? 

“You are unique. In all Thedas, I never expected to find someone who could draw my attention from the Fade. You have become important to me - more important than I could have imagined.”

“As you are to me,” she responds, her eyes sparkling. 

“Then what I must tell you… The truth.” 

She watches him expectantly. Her fingers reaching out to lace with his own. Her touch sets off a sparking current of desire through him. He forces himself not to pull her closer and to look into her eyes as he says, “I am not who you think I am, vhenan.” Her lips part in confusion. “Or,” Solas continues gently. “I am not only who you think I am.” 

“Solas,” her fingertips brush his cheek. “What do you mean?”

Solas briefly clasps her fingers against his jaw before drawing her hand away. He swallows hard at the look of hurt that flutters across her face, but she did not know whom she touched. Not yet anyway. 

“I have spoken to you of the knowledge I have learned of through spirits in the Fade. And that is the true origin of some of my knowledge. The rest…” She nods slowly up at him, encouraging him to go on. “I was there, vhenan. Many millennia ago, when what your people call the Old Gods walked the land.” 

“Solas, I don’t…” she shakes her head, takes the smallest step away from him that threatens to shatter his resolve into panic. 

“Solas came first,” he says. “Fen’Harel, the Dread Wolf, came after.” He watches her so closely, studying her reaction like she is the Fade he has spent centuries of his life devoted to understanding. 

“Fen’Harel,” she whispers the name, his name. Then she takes another step, this time towards him, and it is the most important step in Solas’ long life. “Tell me, Solas. Tell me everything.” 

And so he does. The words spill from him, painting a picture of his life across a canvas that she watches with the curiosity and compassion that he has come to love her by. She does not flinch away when the colors grow dark and the shapes become jagged. Does not reach out in grief to shred the portrait of a false god that undoes every single thing she has been taught. 

When he tells her the truth of the mark upon her hand, she squeezes his own with it, the mark pressed between them like an oath to own this mistake as one. When he finally lifts his brush, his words running dry, she steps into him. Her hand lifts to cup his face again. Tears glisten in her eyes, falling silently down her cheeks. 

“Ma vhenan, we will carry this together.”

There is a fire in her voice that warms the icy waters of numbing grief Solas has drowned in for so long. It is a gift, her words. A gift Solas cannot believe he is worthy of receiving. A magic he did not know if he dared to wield. But she changes everything. And she can, they can.  

He reaches out, wraps an arm around her waist, pulling her to him. “Ar lath ma, vhenan,” he tells her. One last truth, as he weaves his hand into her hair, tilts her face up to his. 

“Ar lath ma, vhenan,” she responds, a glorious smile alighting her features.

Solas captures it in his mind, then with his own lips. A hunger breaking free of the reservoir he has kept it bottled within, eager to be quenched. She meets his passion, her arms winding around his neck. His hand roams down her back, pressing her tighter against him. She gasps his name, Solas, against his lips and he is undone. She exists and she sees him and she is choosing him. 

He pulls her to the forest floor with him. As her hands brace against his chest, her hips bracketing his own, his hands tangle in her hair as she hovers over him… As her lips crash down over his and Solas experiences a jubilation he is not sure he has ever known…

The Dread Wolf wakes up. No weight against his body. No warmth against his lips. The frigid well of his regrets, his shame, his grief, are his only company and absolutely no relief for the thirst her absence parches him with.

This dream comes to Solas often. Haunts him with the ghost of a choice he almost made, but did not. In another world, perhaps he would have known her love like that. She would know all of his names and he would give all of his heart. Despite the pain this dream afflicts him with, he cannot bear to will it away. He does not believe Fen’Harel deserves her love, because she does not deserve the hurt it would lead her to. Solas had a choice once to envision a different path. This dream reminds him of that. Though it tortures him, he believes this, Fen’Harel, does deserve. He had planned to tell her everything then, regardless of whether it was brave or selfish, because she deserved to know. He did not, so perhaps he deserves to suffer for it. 

Solas stares into the darkness of his room for a moment more. Letting the memory of her lips whisper a what if against his soul. What if he had chosen to trust her? What if he had let himself love her? What if he had let her love him? What if he was not so alone? What if he had done what she deserved from him? What if he was wrong?

He gets up. The time for what if’s long past. Solas had not done what she deserved and the Dread Wolf has work to do.

[institute-of-planar-shitposts]

"...have any questions?" the Director asks as she finishes informing the brand new Reclaimers of what their new job will entail, as well as the fee she'd just had Davenport pay them.

"I've got one," Taako offers. "As far as we know, is there a bad Bureau of Balance?"

"A Bureau of Imbalance?" Magnus adds, grinning as he nods.

"Just general bad guys?" Merle agrees.

The Director exhales. "Of sorts, yes. To the best of our knowledge, the group that created the Grand Relics, known as the Red Robes for the bright crimson robes they were known for, are all but gone. The Red Robes were a group of powerful wizards, warlocks, and other magic users, and they created the eight relics according to the school they had the most affinity for. If you ever run into any of them, it's imperative you run away."

"So they're still around, then?" Merle checks.

"Most of them are not, no."

"Sooo, again, they're still around?" Taako says, raising an eyebrow.

The Director looks between them, her gaze measured. "I suppose I shouldn't hide it from you, as Reclaimers," she decides. "I'm telling the truth - most of the Red Robes are no longer in existence. The entire Bureau knows about them, and the standing order to run, but due to the danger it poses, few know about the greater threat."

"And that is...?" Magnus gestures for her to continue.

"The story of the Red Robes isn't well known to most of the world," she says, getting up to look out a window. "Of course, that's partially due to the Voidfish. As I'd told you before, the only way to stop the war for the relics was to make the world forget, and that included what was already well-known about the group. I only have what knowledge I've been able to piece together about them. On their own, they're dangerous enough. That said, there's a threat to this world that's greater than the Red Robes.

"In the bits and pieces I've heard, there's a reason this group fell. The Grand Relics, once word spread of their power, were highly sought after. The Red Robes tried to hide them, but gradually lost each item they'd created. One of them became enraged over their loss, and decided to take matters into her own hands. The destruction of the group was due to this being turning on the rest. She was crazed, determined to recover what they'd lost by any means necessary, even if that meant taking out the rest of the Red Robes.

"The rumors about this being say that she's a warlock to something with power never seen otherwise on this plane, and that she causes destruction wherever she goes as she searches for the Grand Relics. I don't know how much of this is true," the Director adds, turning back to the new Reclaimers. "What I do know, however, is I've encountered someone who matches her description, and she is indeed bent on reclaiming the relics, no matter the cost. She's been named the Black Opal."

"'The Black Opal'? Isn't that a Goosebumps story or something?" Merle frowns.

"I think it's a separate series," Magnus disagrees.

"And it's called the Black Lagoon," Taako adds, snorting. "You know, creatures of?"

"Oh. Is that where the name came from?" Merle blinks.

The Director looks like she's resisting the urge to drag a hand down her face. "No. Black opal is a gemstone," she answers. "I hope you never have to meet her, but if you did, you'd understand why she's been called such."

"Is she made of the stuff or something?" Taako snorts.

"Or something," she confirms, expression grim. "It's impossible to know exactly what that substance is, but that gemstone is the closest description I can give. If you ever run into the Black Opal - and again, I dearly, dearly hope you never do - you must run as fast and far as you can. I don't want to risk losing anyone to her mad destruction."

"I'm sure we could take her," Magnus argues.

"No," the Director says forcefully. "Your direct orders are to run, if you ever see her. That's it. Do not engage, do not try to reason with her. Run."

"Okay, okay," Taako says, waving a hand. "We get it, we see the spooky robe, we run. You talked about a gachapon thing earlier, can we get going?"

She scrutinizes each of them for a long moment before exhaling. "So long as you've truly etched that command into your brains, then yes," she replies, sitting back at her desk. "Davenport will show you how to get there."

[dailyanarchistposts]

Trajectories for the Future

In "Dark tidings: Anarchist Politics in the Age of Collapse," Uri Gordon paints an ominous picture: "industrial civilization is coming down," so "anarchists and their allies are now required to project themselves into a future of growing instability and deterioration."[20] I am not so sure about the imminent downfall of industrial civilization or the collapse of capitalism, but I concur that we need to project ourselves into some image of the future in order to prepare for it.[21] A complication is that the future is partially decided by how we project ourselves into it and how we imagine it. There is not a predetermined future that we merely need to prepare for. It will be shaped by how we prepare for it and by what future we prepare for. To fixate ourselves on a particular vision of the future could affect us by constricting our capacities in the present to those actions that lead to that future, blinding us to other possibilities.

Gordon mentions some possible future scenarios, summed up as "grassroots communism, eco-authoritarianism, or civil war."[22] As the ecological crisis becomes more clear and people demand change, global capitalism might attempt to recuperate by making minor adjustments and putting on a "green face" without any changes in the system that is actually causing the crisis: capitalism itself. This can only buy time, and as the crisis intensifies capitalism will employ more authoritarian and repressive measures to stay in power. It can do this either in an authoritarian, neoliberal form, deploying superficial, liberal "progressive" rhetoric while preserving existing hierarchies; or it could instead turn to "eco-fascism," combining nationalist, racist and misogynist ideas of population control and "belonging" with the need to protect nature by totalitarian means. Both are tendencies that exist in the present.[23] In either case, it can only be a matter of buying time by managing the crisis until the inevitable collapse. In his piece Gordon suggests a number of praxises that are necessary in order to resist the authoritarian tendencies during this period of interregnum as well as to build alternative communities that prefigure a new way of life, independent of global capitalism.

Another, more recent, theory of possible futures is Geoff Mann and Joel Wainwright's (M&W) "Climate Leviathan."[24] They see four different trajectories: Either the capitalist order will continue under an increasingly authoritarian global sovereign - a planetary regulatory regime that decides who gets to pollute and at which cost ("Climate Leviathan") - or it will continue without such a sovereign as reactionary and nationalist movements refuse any serious collective efforts to mitigate climate change ("Climate Behemoth"). The global sovereign might also emerge as a non-capitalist world order: the state-socialist dream of a global centrally planned economy but with an emphasis on reducing carbon emissions ("Climate Mao"), and finally there is the more unknown path which involves a rejection and transcendence of both capitalism and political sovereignty ("Climate X").[25] Although climate denying "anti-globalist" right-wing movements have gained political power in several countries in recent years, the authors doubt this "Behemoth" will be long-lived: at some point the climate crisis will become so apparent it cannot be ignored.[26] They find the capitalist "Climate Leviathan" the most likely scenario as it can be built on global institutions and structures that already exist.[27] Climate X is less certain but is the only scenario the authors see as a viable strategy for the future.[28]

There are several overlaps between Gordon's and M&W's theories. Gordon's vision of eco-authoritarian capitalism is not that far from their Climate Leviathan: an attempt to manage the escalating crisis while preserving the existing structures of inequality. In his updated version, he admits that the prediction that capitalism would adapt by accommodating environmentalist and progressive concerns has not been realized. Instead capital has tended to "opt for full-blown reaction" expressed in climate denial and national chauvinism[29] - a trend that aligns with their vision of Climate Behemoth. The main point of convergence in the two theories is the hope for "Climate X" / "grassroots communism" - a movement of movements struggling for social justice, equality and self-management. My own theory is close to these. I also think we will see an increase in authoritarianism and inequality, but I posit that this is not really a change in the system but merely an intensification of the tendencies already contained within it. But the growing crises do give room for and force into existence other forces with the potential to create something new. I too, place my hope in "Climate X" - not as a utopian unknown but as concrete and existing praxises that can be expanded and amplified.

My aim here is thus not to critique the previous theories but to supplement them with empirical cases of what is already happening as the world responds to climate disaster - how the state and capital tries to consolidate the existing political structures on one side, and, on the other, how communities are responding by changing their social relations. Examining these cases from the present can give us a better idea of what to expect from the future and where to focus our struggles. I also add an element to "Climate X" that is under-emphasized in the aforementioned works, which focus primarily on protest and resistance to the dominating powers with the goal of preventing the destructive course.[30] Given the fact that climate disasters are already happening we also need to take into consideration how we are going to survive in the future. The politics of adaptation must be considered from the grassroots level.

[sad-outsider]

Why I didn't like the ending of R&R. Part 3. The heroine fights not with the cause, but with the effect

Destroying the Fold and the Darkling was tantamount to trying to heal an open fracture by applying plantain to it.

Do you know why the Darkling is not considered a villain, despite everything he has done? Because he fights the source of the problem - the oppression of the Grisha, the wars tearing Ravka apart and the parasitic monarchs. Is he being cruel? Absolutely. But does anyone else in the trilogy struggle with the above problems? No. Draw your own conclusions.

Do you know how this could be fixed? Do you know how to make the Darkling the villain that the narrative so strenuously portrays him as? Make the Fold the cause of oppression and war, not its effect. But, again, this is a problem with the entire trilogy.

What do we actually see? At the end of the trilogy, the Fold, which, admittedly, was indeed one of Ravka's problems, but by no means the main one, does not exist, but at what cost? The Second Army, which, let me remind you, together with the Darkling himself was the main military power of Ravka, actually no longer exists, Ravka itself is in debt, like silks, the wars have not stopped, the Grisha are oppressed even more, if you believe the Six of Crows, and the country is led even though resourceful, but still inexperienced children. Nikolai and the Triumvirate might as well have sent Shuhan and Fjerda an invitation to conquer Ravka, because that's exactly what was supposed to happen in reality.

Alina not only didn’t help, but did even worse, destroying the only person who, although not by the most noble methods, could really change the situation in the world along with Ravka’s only effective weapon. After this, monuments should be erected to her in Shuhan and Fjerda, because the “noble” Sun Saint made their life so easy!

As for the Fold, it was not necessary to destroy it at all, just to make a passage through it in order to open a free path to West Ravka. The Fold itself could be used as a defense. How? It's simple - expand the Fold to the borders with Fjerda and Shuhan. With a high degree of probability, this will stop the war, because sending your soldiers through a death trap inhabited by cannibal monsters in order to kill or dissect a couple of Grisha is political suicide no matter how you look at it.

But hey, this is a fantasy for teenagers, here the “bad guy” must be punished, and all the heroes will undoubtedly be fine in the end because they are so good, what am I even talking about?

To be continued in part 4…

[4m4zing-gracie]

Uzi Doorman: How unnecessary romance can ruin a character (Part 1)

This is no flack to Uzi, nor is it to any NUzi shippers (ship what you want, I may be an eNVy lover and I'm happy you got what you wanted, I just hate how it was handled in the show), but can we all just talk about how much the unnecessary romance subplot + the inclusion of it in the show in general absolutely butchered Uzi's character?

I hope to god this gets put under an automatic 'read more/expand' thing, 'cause this is gonna get long.

But in case it doesn't cue the obligatory 'read more'!

Thank you.

Now, I remember watching the pilot and loving the character and the premise, as well as the dynamics in the show. Uzi was one of the characters that stuck out to me the most and was arguably my favourite before that title was given to V in episode three. She was determined to murder the company as well as armies of their other killer robots to save her colony, even if she had no skills AND at the cost of her own life, and she is absolutely willing to take in the robots that are just as much victims in all of this as the worker drones (eg. N).

I overall like to think that despite her flaws, and what her spiteful personality seems to show and probably on the contrary to what she would claim if she talks to anyone about it, Uzi's a much better person than she lets on. Not the most altruistic obviously, but still better than most people in the show. Hell, she didn't kill V on the spot like she did with J, not only because her railgun was still charging, but also because she knew N liked her and doing anything to V would make him sad.

Uzi overall was strong, independent, and didn't take BS from anyone, and despite her abrasiveness was overall wanting the best for robotkind, even willing to team up with those who had been hurt by them to show them the light. And that is what drew me to her and made me like her.

Then comes The Promening. Uzi, who was terrified of N and what he, V and J could be just an episode ago, is meeting up with him again, and what does she do? Ask him to go with her to prom, all blushy-faced and everything, despite having been terrified of him a moment ago. No buildup, no episode dedicated to them making up and realizing that it's okay and they can figure out what is wrong together, just.... out of nowhere crush. And while you could argue that she still needed him there anyways because of the looming danger of whatever Doll and Lizzy were planning, it's still not necessary, and I hate how it continues to stay throughout the episode.

Ladies and gentlemen, your first indication that this next bunch of episodes gonna get long and arduous.

Up next is Cabin Fever. Not my favourite episode-- I mean, it's no Absolute End in terms of garbage-- but not my favourite either.

Okay, so Uzi's learned that the plot is thickening and that she has some kind of solver thing, and so does Doll. So now, she's trying to get some answers about what this thing that she and Doll have is by looking around the camp that her father recommended checking out.

We start with more unnecessary blushing (seriously, where the fuck did this crush come from)?! and then Uzi goes off to find the cabin where she might get answers. Unfortunately, no results.

We then get a moment between her and V. Uzi and V obviously don't see eye to eye (honestly, they needed an episode or a moment where they talk properly and get a better understanding of each other). Uzi wants answers but finds that V is some annoying parasite that only cares about herself and her stomach, and likewise V does not like Uzi, being jealous of her and not wanting her to get involved with the past, as V thinks she knows what is best for N and is trying to 'protect him' (which Uzi does not know why).

N and V are already getting along with the other campers outside, something Uzi envies because they rarely acknowledge her existence at best, or treat her like a monster at worst. In this moment, V is hammering the point home by saying how Uzi needs to stop 'being creepy' and that she plans to make the latter her next victim for sneaking around and snooping, and that N will move on from her. After all, if what she has said is true, the guy has made friends with rocks before!

Long story short, Uzi gets possessed by the Solver and goes crazy and eats people, and we see her almost about to kill V (something I doubt she'd do if she had free will, as it would make N upset). Only when N swoops in to save them both is when she manages to break free. Blah Blah Blah, N and Uzi have a moment, and they both hug it out together, and they crushily hold hands*, end of episode.

*- Uzi, you didn't need to do that because again, WHERE DID THIS CRUSH COME FROM?

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Apologies in advance for the jarring Picrew, but I needed something to convey my facial expressions rn because I don't have nearly enough unhappy drawings of my 'Sona to show it.

So, as I have mentioned before, I'm an eNVy shipper. And so with this info in mind, you're probably thinking "Well, she's probably making this post to justify why eNVy should be canon". And in another universe where I'm an even bigger bitch than I already am, maybe I would be. But... that's not why we're here. We're talking about how Uzi was utterly RUINED as a character.

So to start, she was great at first. Loveable character, rebellious, surprised her plushie wasn't the second one made because of her popularity.

But then this crush came out of nowhere and so I begin to fear for the future of the show. As I'm watching this, I am partially honestly going "who are you and what have you done with my Uzi?" because while it's good that Uzi is still focusing on the mystery to some degree, it seems that now she's also starting to obsess over an out-of-nowhere crush that has ZERO buildup or anything similar. For god's sake, N and Disassembly drones in general were the objects of her fears at the end of episode two!

I GET that the show is about Uzi and N's friendship, I really do. And I like shows that are buddy-centric. But why does this random romance bullshit have to be squirmed in, when the show was already perfect without any signs of it? Seriously, Liam, this is not how you take things!

Unfortunately, it's only gonna get more arduous from there. So uh... I dunno, "thanks for coming to my TED Talk, stay tuned and keep an eye out for a part two coming later"? I dunno.

[kepnerandavery]

As a fan of the Bridgerton book series who waited years too see my favourite couple's story adapted onto the show, the way the writers took one of, if not the best non-bridgerton male character from the book series and completely messed with his existence in the name of equality or representation is utterly disappointing. Exploring different types of relationships is one thing, but at the cost of a beloved character that many fans were excited to see on screen is not only a mistake, but a slap in the face to all the fans who tolerated the inconsistencies in writing and character assassinations in this show and continued to watch it all for the hope of seeing acceptable, if not mediocre adaptations of their favourite stories.

You can't simply swap the gender of a character and tell the same love story. If they wanted to explore Francesca's sexuality, they could have done so without dragging Michael to it. I would have rather seen them create a whole new character instead of chipping away at him to invent this new character that fits their notions. Not to mention, they completely changed Francesca's character as well until she became almost incomparable to her book counterpart. They kept every other character quite true to themselves and chose to ruin those two. For what? Inclusivity? I simply don't buy it!

And I wonder if everyone that's claiming that the people who's upset about this change is homophobic thinks if it's a crime to love a male character and a heterosexual ship. How would you feel if a female character was swapped with a male character and a homosexual relationship with a heterosexual one? If that happened, everyone would be livid, accusing the creators of the show of being misogynistic and homophobic. In that case, we could also argue that they are misandrists. But that is not necessary because not everything has to do with inclusivity. Some fans can be genuinely upset because the entire story they love so much will now be erased.

When all's said and done, the creative decisions (however terrible they may be) are not ours to make, but they will never be able to ruin the characters and the story of When He Was Wicked. The real story is in the book and that is ours to keep. I for one, am half glad that they will now not have the opportunity to ruin Michael and Francesca's story.

[boxx-sama]

Small Yuno Rant

CW: Abortion, mentions of sexual activity, mentions of suicide

Why Yuno Kashiki is NOT just “a girlboss”, as she has been mischaracterized by the Milgram fandom for who knows how long.

Oh boy.

I think most of you are already aware of the treatment Yuno gets by the fandom.

“Yeah girl, you abort that baby!”

“She did nothing wrong, she’s a girlboss!”

“She doesn’t regret anything!”

Well, to that, I say:

Do you know ANYTHING about Yuno, really?

These are all highly watered-down statements that prove that people see Yuno merely as some sort of feminine icon who did what was right for her body. And, that is right to an extent. I am pro-choice. But I don’t think they realize how unhealthy Yuno’s cravings were, how messed up her mindset is, and just how jaded she is.

I will debunk these statements one by one, so without further ado, let’s go.

Abortion in Japan, and Yuno’s Family

I’ve done my research on this, and I can easily say that getting a proper abortion in Japan is absolute hell. Taken from this article, an excerpt reads:

In Japan, abortion is essentially a crime except for certain indications. These indications have to do with mental illness, hereditary disease, leprosy, threat to the health of the mother, and pregnancy resulting from rape or threat. These indications entered into force under the eugenic protection law of 1948. On January 1, 1991, a new regulation became effective that shortened the duration of pregnancy termination from 23 weeks of gestation to 21 weeks in view of the advancement of medicine that made it possible for prematurely born children to survive outside the uterus.

Despite the limited availability for abortion, it is definitely seen as a crime by Japanese people. It is known that women are supposed to be held responsible for the death of the baby, not the doctors or pills that may be taken.

And even then, the chance of a proper abortion is slim. For example, birth control pills. The pill is not covered by Japanese Health Insurance, and the cost is approximately 3,000 yen per month. That is about $20 USD. Yuno is not struggling for money, either, as revealed by her T2 VD:

“I'm not pitiable. My family gets along super well. And I'm not particularly struggling for money. I decided, of my own free will, to do it because I felt that it was necessary for me.”

This adds evidence to my theory that Yuno did not want to be publicly shamed for having an abortion at such a young age, and as such, went to more extreme, private methods to rid of the baby; the latter of which I will get to later.

As I previously mentioned, abortion is looked down on in Japan. A few reasons for this include cultural influences, societal expectations, and historical factors, which contribute to a certain level of stigma. Traditional values emphasizing family continuity and societal norms may influence perceptions.

In a previous theory I had, I stated that Yuno had a highly religious family, and her own morals went against theirs. However, she loved her family, so she tried to seek a “cure” to her depression through sex. Many interrogation questions can add to this theory:

Question 4: Do you believe that god exists?

Answer: Obviously not.

(Note: The original TL had just said “no”, but Yuno has でしょ at the end of her sentence, and this can be used to emphasize a phrase or question, to my knowledge. As such, I changed it to be more fitting!)

Question 9: What do you think of your family?

Answer: I love them.

Perhaps she did everything behind their backs not only due to possible religious/traditional views, but because she wouldn’t want to be seen as someone who is “bad” for chasing after her ideals. On a slightly seperate note, this theme is fairly prominent in Umbilical:

Am I a bad girl? Please don’t answer What do you want to do? Please tell me

There are like more examples from the second trial interrogation, so if there are any let me know!

What Yuno Did + Her Regret

I think everyone has a general consensus as to what Yuno’s “murder” is. She participated in compensated dating, got pregnant at some point, and had an abortion, most likely by jumping off a set of stairs to kill the baby and herself.

This can be inferred by her Undercover shot, where she is standing at the end of her apartment balcony, seemingly holding her stomach from behind:

And not just this photo, but this brief shot from Umbilical:

(Fun little detail, but the whole aesthetic part of her MV is designed to be pink like a uterus and the balloons/white specs flying around may be sperm? Which implies she was “drowning” in warmth. Interesting.)

But wait, why would Yuno take herself as well as the baby? I like to think of it this way.

During her compensated dating, she met a man that she liked. One man who saw her for her, and not a complete facade. These dates, where she seems more like herself, are with said man—

The school uniform Yuno, as well as yellow Yuno.

It’s known that Yuno does look less happy in her other two personas by the second bridge, so I think she was more comfortable playing a lively character with this client because it felt more close to how Yuno wanted to represent herself.

So, progressing to Tear Drop, this man wears a gray coat. I saw a theory that I agree with once but forgot the source of it, so I’ll simply state it. I think that the Yuno in lingerie is representative of herself, and the Yuno in her uniform is the client. They keep and having sex and loving each other, but Yuno is betrayed when she finds out the man was using her for money and left her due to the pregnancy and then her life comes crashing down after. I’m kinda shortening this because this was supposed to be short but ended up long instead.

Does Yuno regret what she did? Yes, to an extent.

And anyone who doesn’t read into her character should really reconsider it!

[voraciousvore]

Giganterra (Chapter 23)

Prologue/ TOC | Previous (22) | Next (24)

Content Warning: Violence/ blood, physical/ verbal abuse, neglect, vulgar language

Word Count: 3.1k

------ Chapter 23: A Merciless Beating ------

Ronny hadn’t touched Tanya since dropping her into her enclosure, and had barely even acknowledged her existence. As a matter of fact, nobody else had either. The giant prince hadn’t bothered to instruct his servants to take care of her, so nobody had fed her for days now. When she first arrived, she feared abuse; now, she feared neglect. The human house still had a supply of water, but she didn’t know how much longer it would last—or how long she would last, without the essentials necessary to sustain her body. 

Was she doomed to rot away in this glorified cell for the rest of her days, to wither away and starve in solitary confinement? Tanya was famished, but she was too afraid to ask for food. Ronny, with his foul temper and nasty attitude, intimidated her deeply. The servants were indifferent to her presence and annoyed about having to clean up after the sloppy prince. She doubted they would want to take on the extra responsibility of caring for the prince’s new pet on top of their existing workload, for no extra recompense. 

She couldn’t believe these giants could be so horribly callous. None of them seemed to view her as a person worthy of any attention or respect. She slipped into despair as she languished in her glass prison, slowly rotting away. She didn’t have anything to entertain or distract her from her empty belly. Tanya wasn’t a stranger to hunger, but that didn’t make the discomfort any easier to deal with. 

If she was going to survive, she would have to be brave and make her needs known. She would have to ask one of the giants to feed her. The task before her was daunting. She imagined the prince squashing her like a bug in a fit of wrath at her audacity and trembled. She pictured one of the servants plucking her out of her house, since Ronny didn’t care about her, and stealing her to satisfy his own depraved desires, and her blood curdled. The risk was high, but the cost of inaction was higher. She needed to be assertive. 

As she watched Ronny suit up in an all-white body suit—for what purpose, she had no clue—she decided to speak up. She bit her lip as he looked himself over in the mirror with a fierce expression. Tanya couldn’t help but notice how fastidious he was in his appearance, from his head to his feet. He didn’t have a single hair out of place, with the black strands glossed down to a smooth shine. His handsome face was flawless, his clothes unwrinkled and spotless—he was immaculate. If Tanya wasn’t so frightened of him, and he wasn’t a humongous and savage giant, she might’ve found him to be quite physically attractive. 

Her throat seized up as his dark eyes met hers from the reflective surface of the mirror. He spun around, his noble features warped with bestial bloodlust. Tanya panicked and fled, hiding under her bed with her heart pumping hard. She was flooded with shame over her cowardice, on top of her despair, as his massive footfalls rattled the walls. She was alone again. Her abdomen cramped with hunger and she groaned. She couldn’t continue like this: She had to act. 

She resolved that she would talk to the next giant who came into the room, whether it was the prince or one of his servants. She was getting desperate. Her stomach whined relentlessly and burned as if it were digesting itself. She hugged her knees into a tight ball and eventually began to drift off to sleep. She was tired, both in a spiritual sense and in a physical sense, since her body lacked sufficient nourishment. She dreamed of mountains of bread, cakes in market stalls that jumped away when she tried to grab them, soldiers chasing her shouting, “Thief!” 

One of the soldiers in the dream grabbed her arm and she was snapped awake with the deafening slam of the bedroom door. Tanya timidly crawled out from her hiding place to see that Ronny had returned. However, he was in a completely different state than when he left. His white uniform was stained with dirt and red chalk marks all over. His black hair was sticking out in messy tufts all over his head. His chest was heaving and he was clenching and unclenching his fists with tremendous strain in every muscle of his body. His face was layered with sweat and grime, and his expression was contorted with overwhelming fury. 

Tanya had never seen the finicky prince in such disarray, but she had seen him angry too often for her peace of mind. And at that moment, he was absolutely livid. Tanya’s hopes of catching him in a good mood were dashed as he stomped around the room and swore with murderous language. He picked up loose articles and hurled them against the walls, breaking things and tearing through all his stuff. Tanya’s heart sank to her feet. There was no way she could bring attention to herself without dying; she was going to starve to death. 

The prince’s tantrum was interrupted when another giant opened the door to enter the room. “Not right now! Get out of here!” Ronny snapped. He twisted around to a dead stop, however, when he saw the intruder who hadn’t even bothered to knock was none other than his domineering father, with his colossal guard. Ronny’s rage evaporated, to be replaced with a nervous air. 

“Ronny,” his father uttered coldly. “We need to talk.” Ronny swallowed, sat stiffly on the edge of his bed, and folded his hands sheepishly in his lap. He gestured to a chair, offering his father a seat, but the king chose to stand. 

“I spoke to your tutor this morning. He mentioned that you’re behind on your studies.” Ronny clasped his hands and stared down at his shoes. He wanted to defend himself, to inform his father that he had large gaps in his studies due to a lack of formal instruction, but his lips stayed sealed shut. He was too unnerved to speak. 

“And I don’t think I need to relate back to you your abysmal performance in your fencing lessons.” Ronny shook his head, his face pinched with strain. The king took a step forward, making his son flinch slightly. He lowered his voice to a dangerous pitch. “Ronny. Look at me.” 

The prince looked up, as if he were trying to force himself to stare directly at the sun. Hardon scowled and continued to browbeat him. “Ronny, you are proving to be lackluster and useless on every conceivable level. You are stupid and childish. You are weak, not only in constitution but in character. Soft and flabby like a dead fish. I can no longer tolerate this. I need to set you straight before it’s too late.” 

Ronny didn’t get a chance to react before his father raised his hand and struck him hard on the side of his face. “Ajax, hold him down,” he commanded. Ronny yelped as the gigantic man lunged forward like a bull and wrestled him to the bed. He was no match for Ajax, who had biceps as thick around as his skull and almost eighty additional feet of height. 

“Ajax, give me your belt.” The guard only needed one muscled knee to keep Ronny pinned as he impassively undid his belt and handed it to King Richard, who bared his teeth in a bloodthirsty grin. “Consider this a warning for future things to come if you don’t shape up,” he snarled. 

“No, please!” Ronny pleaded, squirming uselessly. King Richard ignored his begging and procured a knife from his guard. Ajax flipped Ronny over on his belly and his father slashed open his soiled uniform with the knife, exposing the tender flesh of his back. Ronny recoiled at the touch of the cold metal and the sound of the fabric tearing. 

“I’m going to enjoy this,” Hardon sneered, snapping the belt in his gnarled hands. He swung it back and whacked his son’s bare skin with the big brass buckle. Ronny jerked against the big hands holding him down and screamed in agony. A deranged glint flashed in the king’s pale eyes as he went berserk, whipping the prince with frenzied strokes. The buckle bit into Ronny’s back, leaving bruises and welts and drawing blood. 

He unleashed a volley of verbal abuse to spice up his violence, frothing at the mouth with insults and curses. “Worthless piece of shit! Fool! Idiot! Loser! You must be a bastard son: There’s no way that you’re mine! Useless, disgusting, filthy, cowardly, slimy puddle of rotten puke!” As enraged and inflammatory as his degrading words were, the king was clearly enjoying himself, finding release for his sadism. By the time he was done flogging Ronny, he was breathing hard, but his eyes were shining with stimulation. He dropped the belt to the floor with a heavy clunk. 

Ronny sobbed uncontrollably, delirious from the pain. His father leaned over him, digging his fingers into the bloody gashes in his back. Ronny shrieked like a little girl, contorting his back. Hardon raised his bloodstained fingertips to his lips and tasted the blood with glee. He couldn’t restrain himself from chuckling. 

“Your blood... it tastes just like Alessandro’s did...” he remarked, licking his fingers clean. “Now, Ronny, I want you to think about this lesson and apply yourself harder. Be an heir that I can be proud of. Or else your fate will be grim, just like your older brother...” He trailed off and frowned; he grew distant as he reminisced. Without another word, he walked out, with Ajax following close behind. 

Tanya watched the whole scene play out in abject horror. The king was a psychopathic lunatic. Ronny laid listlessly where he had been shoved into the mound of bedsheets, his body crumpled, shedding salty tears with pitiful whimpers. Tanya winced as she gazed over the bloodsoaked landscape of his back, framed by his shredded shirt. Her fear for Ronny had vanished, seeing him so defeated and hurt, to be replaced by pity. He seemed far more approachable in his vulnerability. As a naturally empathetic person, Tanya wished to make him feel better, even if she didn’t find him especially likable. 

She gulped and mustered up her courage. “R-R-Ronny...” she muttered. Her voice was too quiet for him to hear through the glass. She cleared her throat, louder this time. “Prince Ronny!” 

Ronny’s chest spasms halted. He had assumed that he was alone, forgetting that Tanya existed, so her voice materializing out of nowhere startled him. He turned around to look at her, with his face swollen and soggy. Tanya flinched but held her ground. “Are… are you alright?” 

Ronny didn’t answer. He seemed baffled that she was talking to him. His eyes, like black coals, burned into her. Tanya sensed she had made a terrible mistake. She took a few steps back, stumbling into a chair, and cowered behind it. Her fears were confirmed when the huge man sat up and prowled over to her house, his torso encompassing her entire view through the glass. Tanya shrieked as he opened the roof and towered over her. His features appeared all the more terrifying as his cheek puffed out and darkened with a bruise. 

“F-f-forgive my insolence, Your Highness!” Tanya sputtered, ducking further behind the chair. “I meant nothing by it, forget I said anything-” She shrieked as the giant flicked the chair out of the way effortlessly and encased her in his fist, lifting her clear out of the house. He held her up to his tear-streaked face and scrutinized her closely. Tanya froze up as she stared into the darkness of his huge irises before her. The prince had lost his brutal edge: He had a softness to him, in his touch and expression. Stripped of his cold façade, Tanya could finally bear witness to the fear and pain buried inside him. 

He carried her over to his bed, sat down, and eased himself into a reclining position that didn’t make his raw back sting too much. He gently cradled the small woman against his chest, letting out a long, laborious sigh. Tanya swallowed, too nervous to move as she was surrounded by his fingers and the immense wall of his chest. She wasn’t sure what the giant was planning to do with her. She tensed up, ready for anything. 

“I hate him,” the prince said. Tanya looked up at his sculpted chin above her. She couldn’t see his face from this angle, but she could feel the tension in his muscles and the raw emotion in his voice. “God, I hate him. I can’t stand that man.” 

Tanya patted the folds of his palm underneath her in understanding. The prince continued to vent in a shaky voice. “I feel like such a failure, but I just can’t live up to his impossible standards. I’m never good enough for him. He pressures me to be just like him, but he’s so repulsive. I don’t want to be heartless and wicked and perverse like he is.” Tanya stroked one of his enormous fingers, hoping to soothe or placate the unpredictable giant. Ronny glanced down, giving her a weak smile. 

He felt better, vocalizing his thoughts to another person, even if she was nothing more than an insignificant human. He would never tell anyone else his deeper thoughts, but he was comfortable confiding in her because she didn’t really matter. She belonged to him. She wouldn’t spill his secrets to others or gossip about him behind his back to the servants. Plus, he had to admit... she seemed nice. Not too many people were nice to him. 

Ronny dropped his voice lower. “I’m... afraid of him,” he confessed. “I’m afraid of what he’s capable of. Not just because he beats me. He... made my brother disappear. Alessandro—he was the eldest son, the crown prince before me. He went to confront my father about how he treated the human kingdom, and Dad murdered him in cold blood. And then he erased him from all the historical records and forbade anyone from mentioning him. He didn’t just kill him: He obliterated him entirely from existence. Such is his power, and his cruelty.” He lapsed into silence as he relived the haunting memories. 

“That’s horrible,” Tanya said softly, with genuine feeling. “I’m sorry, Your Highness, that you have such a heavy burden upon you.” Ronny wrapped his fingers snugly around her and pressed her to his chest in a sort of hug. Tanya was amazed to receive such a kind gesture from the prince. She didn’t know he was capable of compassion. 

With all the drama, Tanya had forgotten about her hunger. Her stomach made sure to remind her with an obnoxious grumble that was loud enough for even the giant prince to hear. He tilted his head at her, puzzled. “Are you growling at me?” 

“N-no, of course not, Your Highness!” Tanya hastily denied, flustered. 

“What was that noise then? Your belly?” 

Tanya flushed and nodded sheepishly. “Yes. I apologize... I haven’t eaten in days...” She cracked with emotion and nearly started crying at her own misfortunes. 

Ronny raised his dark brows along with his voice. “The servants haven’t been feeding you?!” Tanya shook her head, a single tear rolling down her cheek. 

“I’m so hungry...” she admitted faintly. She slumped against his chest weakly. Ronny frowned, anger boiling in his gut at the incompetence of the giants around him. 

He snapped his fingers impatiently. “Servant! Get in here!” His manservant rushed into the room with a bow. “Bring me a snack! Something soft! Now!” The servant nodded and hurried out of the room. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll get you fed... uh... what’s your name?” 

“Tanya,” the diminutive lady sniffled. 

“Tanya.” Ronny felt something strange as he looked down at her. He was typically indifferent towards humans at best, and repulsed at worst, but when he saw her huddled up in his hand, an unprecedented tenderness stirred inside him. She had witnessed his personal woes, listened to his rant without judgement, and comforted him in his time of darkness, and he was thankful for that. He brushed her cheek with his thumb. She drew back from his touch, still uncertain. 

The servant returned with a wide variety of confections and savory treats. Tanya’s jaw dropped at the edible panorama, which included shrimp, bruschetta, crostini, slices of smoked salmon, deviled eggs, finger sandwiches, bonbons, pudding, cookies, and miniature snack cakes. Ronny shooed the servant out of the room and set Tanya in the middle of the tray. Her mouth watered uncontrollably and her stomach gurgled noisily. 

“Go ahead. Eat what you want,” the prince uttered casually, as if the feast set before him was merely a common snack. Tanya couldn’t resist her hunger and chowed down with the urgency of an underfed person who didn’t know when her next meal would come. Ronny was peckish after his grueling sparring session, so he ate as well, albeit with less enthusiasm than the starving human. He observed her shovel food in her mouth with mild amusement. 

Tanya filled her belly to bursting, until she made herself nauseous. She flopped down and rubbed her swollen midsection. She was relieved to sate her hunger, but her heart began to palpitate when she regained self-awareness and realized she was surrounded by giant food, with a man-eating giant towering over her. She was completely at his mercy. She went quiet and stared up at him with wide eyes, waiting to see what he would do. Was the whole display of kindness a trap? Did he stuff her just to improve her flavor? Could she trust him? 

Ronny, oblivious to her discomfort, yawned with fatigue and plucked her up off the tray. “I need to wash up,” he proclaimed. He lowered her back into her house, shut the lid, and left to take a bath and tend to his wounds. 

Tanya, now alone with her thoughts, wasn’t sure what to think. Her view of the prince had radically changed. She had seen a different side to him that she never dreamed existed. And, thankfully, she had been blessed with glorious food, so she wouldn’t wither away to skin and bones. Maybe she had a slim chance at happiness after all. Maybe. 

Chapter 24

[blazehedgehog]

a negative question (those aren't fun i know) but what would you think of as some awful moments in gaming or gaming history?

I mean top of the list is Gamer Gate. Gamer Gate was, by the admission of the person who started it, his way of getting back at his ex-girlfriend. That's all it was. And it spiraled out of control into an entire hate movement that's still leaving ripples to this very day.

I am also of the opinion that most people who believed Gamer Gate was about game journalists were mislead and ultimately don't understand a lot about what they were campaigning against. The whole "ethics and lying in game journalism" largely stems from a growing series of misunderstandings and ignorance, which was largely exploited by bad actors to target women and minorities.

You cannot and will not convince me otherwise. Never ever.

That's because, in my 12 year stint writing for TSSZ, I took the job very seriously. It may not have paid much, but it did pay, and I did get a lot of valuable experience. And I watched friends in similar boats actually elevate their careers and become big, well-respected names in the games media/journalism space. Which gives me a better perspective than some folks have on what really goes on in that space.

I've talked about this at length many times over the years. About the weird adversarial relationship the press has with their fandom. And it's too big of a topic to contain in one single tumblr post, because it's many subjects, spanning decades. I cannot sum up why journalists used to (and still do) dunk on their fanbases, and why readers continue to value their opinions even in spite of that.

But I will say this: real, genuine corruption is a lot less common than you think. A lot of people get very twisted up in imaginary scenarios that simply do not exist. Most people in the press are simply trying to survive by whatever means the system allows them to. And I'd argue a lot of them are spiteful of their readers because some of you are genuinely insane and jump to these outrageous conclusions over literally nothing. Some folks don't know what an opinion means, or understand subjectivity, and treat it as a declaration of war.

Do conflicts of interest happen? Yes, absolutely. But with the way the market currently is, a lot of those things are necessary to keep media companies afloat. That's unfortunate, but it's not corruption. Not at the level you think it is.

When you see a website covered in ads for WAR OF DUTY 8: REDACTED OPS 4 and there's a prominent review for that same game, I can guarantee the person writing that review does not benefit from those ads and did not choose to put them there. All that money and all that blame goes to the corporation that owns the site. To the marketing managers and the CEO sitting at the end of the board room. That corporation may even go as far as to suggest edits to what probably starts out as a very honest review. But it is not the writer's fault. The writer has bills to pay. The writer needs to buy groceries. The writer needs to keep this job. The writer had real feelings and it was the corporation that changed the text.

And even then? The scenario I just described is rare.

You want to know what's even more rare? An indie developer sleeping with a writer for coverage of their game. A game, that, might I add, didn't even cost money. What was to gain there? Clout? You're out of your mind if you think that actually mattered.

Also? It's entertainment criticism. It is literally "Does this person like this piece of media yes or no?" This is not Watergate. It is not 9/11. Does honesty matter? Sure. But if you don't like a writer, go find a different one. There's a lot of us! But don't circle the wagons and prepare for battle, because that makes you a psychopath.

(Better yet: if you don't like a writer, start writing your own stuff! Be the change you want to see in the world and then understand how you're treated for that)

Which again just feeds into the idea that people who still believe that gamer gate was legitimate were tricked. It was a smoke screen. You were part of a hate movement. And how you react to that says a lot about you as a person and your values in this world.