#continue being silly about the toxic gay people its fine

[usercelestial]

i swear to god the writers do this every 5 months

[cushfuddled]

Thank you so much for speaking up about Sherlock & Co because I very nearly got tricked by the "sooooooo canon!!" buzz. I guess it's been long enough for tumblr to get amnesia about TJLC. As Holmes-inspired stuff goes, back to my toxic yaoi House/Wilson rewatch I guess. That might be bait but what a tasty bucket of chum.

Thanks for the ask! Hope you don't mind a rant haha! This got me all fired up because AUGH, the memories!

I think the thing that frustrates me most is that from my brief stint in the Sherlock & Co tag, it looks like we're STILL at the point as a fandom (and a culture, I guess) where it's socially acceptable to claim it's MORE progressive for Sherlock and John to NOT be gay.

I was on the Sherlock BBC train by the winter of 2010, and I watched this argument evolve in real time from the don't-ask-don't-tell "being gay is fine but don't shove it in my face" fish into the faux-progressive "our culture is so oversexualized that modeling healthy, intimate male friendships is more important than canon gay rep" land mammal abomination. The fact that both these arguments land queer fans and creators in the same gilded cage kinda gives the game away: Queer relationships are fine...so long as they stay out of sight and out of mind. A gay side character can be forgiven, but the main characters must remain staunchly platonic lest the Gay Sex Stuff poison an otherwise pure, healthy, and culturally aspirational friendship.

Even queerplatonic relationships are seen as deviant. Other erroneous character details are sprinkled around for flavor, but any clarification on ace or aro relationships are treated as unnecessary at best and burdensome at worst—like a detour which would weigh down the story. It's the "ew gay cooties" fire poker approach in a utilitarian hat: If people can't label the queer content regressive in some way, then it's framed as extraneous to the narrative. Suddenly the plot becomes a perfect crystal, compounded and polished until all but the most vital story beats remain. Of course silly relationship details wouldn't penetrate this barrier of Pure Plot.

Except that's a total fabrication. These stories always make time for extraneous gags and flings and miscellaneous side quests. They nurture long-form friendships and rivalries under short-form plots. And creators are happy to play jump rope with the canon material right up until queerness enters the chat. They play it off like their hands are tied re: canonicity and relevance when really they just...don't want to make their characters queer. Which is perfectly fucking fine. I just wish more fans and creators were able to go "eh, I like these two as best friends and nothing else, so that's what I wrote" rather than make value judgements on people who WOULD prefer a canon queer relationship.

I haven't seen any kind of hand-wringing bullshit from the Sherlock and Co. creators as of yet, which gives me hope they'll just be honest about their preferences when the time comes (rather than try and spin their adaptation as something revolutionary in its platonic approach).

Like you said...It's also hard to watch a new round of fans rally their hopes around a Sherlock Holmes adaptation. My gut has absolutely led me astray before, but as far as I'm concerned, the Sherlock and Co. vibes are a world away from canon Jonklock. It's a great podcast and I'm sure it'll continue to accumulate fans. But it's not gonna be Gay. And I would loveeee to see people take that at face value I guess.

[exhaling-dust]

dealing with some weird funky thoughts about destiny before beyond light and after beyond light.

disclaimer: these are my thoughts only and i don't want anyone else adding unnecessary hate. if you seek to do that, go bother on someone else's post, not mine. thanks.

like, everytime i have to go out for some research on cutscenes and so, i get hit with the unexplainable feeling of "this was better" and "i could not get tired of it". maybe i am blending my personal feelings on it too, as always happens, but nowadays i feel... tired. disappointed, perhaps. no experience of this game nowadays is as hitting as it was - meaning, i can fondly remember the tidbits of running adventures through io and titan and how fun it was to fight against xol, even if i didn't know who this big worm was, or mercury (my favorite destination) and its infinite forest who, to this day, i deeply miss getting on it during festival of the lost. the first time i landed on the edz............. my first event on mars and how someone reached out to me and asked if they wanted me to teach me how to play it. so many little things..... crashing against what i feel like it's nothing now. no memory feels dear to me, save for lightfall's campaign - yet even lightfall has its problems. even there i find myself troubled, because lightfall is so often the center of discussions i am often avoiding and yet it reaches me.

and, well, since i'm here complaining about it....

i feel like my thing with destiny turned out to be a massive roll of ups and downs, but mostly downs. i can blame it on the fandom and its unrelenting discourse and the times it becomes an insufferable polarity between Those Who Complain (criticizing so badly it's becoming lowkey toxic to stand near as nothing productive ever comes out of it) and Those Who Love It So Dearly That Cannot Allow Criticism (loving it enough you'll punish anyone with fair points). i can speak on the writing and how it's not the same, but it's fine to not be the same, just... not what it is now; how plot points are based on vague and unreasonable arguments, how potentials are so easily lost because you cannot grasp (anymore) the strangeness and the uniqueness that made destiny so distinct from others, and, i'm really sorry on this one, the tropes. the blatant... misogyny, the difference of treatment between a lesbian couple versus a gay one, and flattening of character. i can, too, go on the shit behind the curtains at bungie and how it made me feel upset enough that playing it just doesn't has the same magic as before. i don't know, honestly. i don't.

see, those things are tricky. if talking about narrative, i will forever defend the writers from people exclusively saying "it's their fault" or "they aren't competent enough for their work and therefore deserve being laid off" or diminishing them in any way, but i'll still feel like criticizing the narrative itself. if talking about fandom... fandom will always be the same, whatever, i'll feel angry regardless. and bungie? aw, man...

i still wish to move on with this. there are some concepts or so i want to explore and create, but when it comes to wanting to continue for the next episodes? when i'm not having any fond memories anymore, when i'm often finding myself weirded out by its fandom, when i keep thinking that the silly little dream of working at bungie is just Not It Anymore and bad things keep going on in there, it's just hard. really hard.

honestly? i really miss what i had in the past.

[adrunkgiraffe]

I have been through this journey before, so I get to be actually frustrated about it.

IUnder a read more because im not subjecting y’all to this. Also: I should caveat I haven’t watched the episode cause I’m waiting till its on Netflix but I have watched way too many other episodes of Supernatural so I have a right to say these things. 

TL;DR: I mean you all knew Cas’ confession was fucking bullshit and that SPN is...hm. But I’d like to actually express my genuine frustration, for a moment? I’m going to say things you already know, but I have too much knowledge of this show and too much stupid meta in my brain about a series I haven’t genuinely enjoyed for at least 5 years which makes this not just blandly bad but disgustingly insulting to me not even as a gay just as like. A writer?

Or, even shorter: Cas’ confession is just a Charlie Bradbury Speedrun 

So. As some of you may know if, for some reason, you followed me back in 2013 (and till...okay fine 2015), I used to be, uh. Really into SPN. Really, I was into Destiel. Like, as in, I slogged through seasons 1-3 to get to Cas and am also really vulnerable to the Sunk Cost Fallacy and projecting onto characters. (I was in 8th grade in 2013, okay? Get off my back)

Also, because I monopolised use of the TV, I kind of...also got my parents into it? In a “this is silly but fun” kind of way.

Over time, critiques of the show from viewers, learning what queerbaiting is at all, fatigue with how long it was going, and also fatigue from how characters I enjoyed, like Rufus, or Crowley, or Ellen, or Jo, or Kevin, or Charlie, or Cas a few times, kept getting killed off. As time went on, it didn’t escape my notice that, aside from Cas, all of these characters fit one or more of the following criteria:

They were a woman

They were a person of color

Were Queer or Queer-coded in some way (listen Crowley was bad rep but at least Mark Sheppard actually kissed a man on screen)

I also just...generally got tired of the way the show treats women and sidelines people of color. 

The final straw really came with Charlie’s death. It got us all excited, because she hadn’t been back in a bit! And it was interesting to see how reuniting with her dark side from Oz had changed her! (yeah remember the fucking Wizard of Oz storyline? The writers sure don’t!) And maybe she’d get developed! Because at this point, Charlie and the fairly good writing of her character was a major upside for the series! Charlie was cool, fun, gay, and morally complex in a way...none of the female characters had been before her, in large part because by definition, her relationship with the boys would always be platonic.

And then. Offscreen. She is violently murdered. For no damn good reason. Like, literally, her being brought back in this episode after fucking off to europe after having returned from fucking off to Oz seems to have filled two purposes in total. 

The codex is solved (but Sam doesn’t know till next episode)

Charlie is dead, which means Dean can be angry, specifically at Sam, and kill more people because he’s the big bad this season. 

That’s it. Two things. Twooooo whole reasons to do this episode. Whoopee. 

But you didn’t come here for this, you came here for me to rip this reveal to shreds. Don’t worry, I’ll get there. What I want in your minds is that Supernatural already had a really good anddynamic queer character. And then they killed her off to make Dean angry. No, it doesn’t matter that they brought her back in season 13 or whatever. They made that decision. 

After the rage this incited, I started realizing general flaws in the writing (I had probably already noticed them but now I was angry enough to complain.) Every conflict is born of Sam and Dean not communicating/taking on burdens and Dean being angry at Cas for reasons that ranged from good to ridiculous, but in a way that always went way too fucking long, (which...yes, does make the “you do it for love” gifs fucking hilarious). It didn’t help that seasons 11 and 12 were next, which meant Demon Dean and GOD’S FUCKING SISTER, plus the decision to resurrect Mary, which, while I do like her later scenes, as a season 12 finale it...well I’ll be honest it kinda sucked. It undercut the majority of the Winchester’s’ arcs and their slow and painful journey out of their father’s toxic vengeance quest and knowing Mary as a person when it’s too late to know her was one of the last semi-compelling grounders of the narrative. 

By this point it was a hate-watch for my parents and I.

So then, I’m at college, and I’m not watching anymore cause I don’t have the motivation or access to Hulu to continue, and SPN is bad. I watch the Scooby Doo crossover when it comes out and my friend and I make fun of it, and we also continue making jokes about Dean and Cas and queerbaiting because we’re queer, but I don’t keep up. My Dad does though, so when I return, I watch some with the fam and lads. It’s even more tiring without context. 

So flash forward to Quarantine, my sister, the only one with taste, has left, and we have run out of netflix to watch. So we return to the well, and seasons 13-14 are. I’m gonna say it. Bad. Really fucking bad. The cycle of bad communication continues, season 14 has like seven antagonists and the way it’s structured makes it so I literally cannot remember the timeline of a season I watched 3 months ago. Oh also, they have a queer coded cannibal snake monster for...well I guess Jack’s snake bud was cool but like. Huh wow it’s almost like these writers don’t handle queers well. 

Our one saving grace is Cas, but he’s barely in any episodes, though I did note that his deal with the empty, being happy completely for one moment killing him, that struck me as “this has potential and I know they’re gonna half-ass it somehow.” Also Jack and Mary, but then oh...plot….The most compelling it gets is literally the finale.

But then, 3 days later, the first half of season 15 comes out on Netflix and it’s...actually kind of acceptable. The new character they give Jack’s actor is fun to watch him play until they make him evil. Exploring just how toxic Chuck can be gave the series direction again. The alternate future was genuinely scarring, and Eileen’s return was genuinely moving. Most of all, though, Cas got the opportunity to tell Dean no, that Dean was being unfair to him, had always been unfair to him, and he was sick of it. I had no illusions, I knew Destiel was never gonna happen, and Cas was gonna die, but giving him that bit of agency, letting Cas grow and be self-sufficient, and be angry with Dean not for existential reasons but interpersonal ones, was such a good sign for me, and Dean grew too! Dean fucking apologized for being horrible and Jensen Ackles had a...yknow what, ill give it to him, he had a good acting moment. 

But the thing. About. The “I love you.” 

Let’s take it in parts.

What was good: I’m gonna admit it, lads, “Wanting what I can’t have” - AS A LINE - is good, and, structurally, there is something to the Empty Deal that could have been an interesting aspect of Cas’ arc when it comes to self actualization and being on even footing with Dean. The problem is, this is Supernatural, and that arc only comes up when I bring it up because character study, even in bad media, is fun for me. 

What was bad:

I mean. Like. All of it? All of it. 

Okay. Fine. I’ll be specific. 

Cas dies immediately when - possibly because- he is revealed as having feelings for Dean. They kill him as they queer him, that’s a Bury Your Gays Speedrun right there.

Like the least they could have done is have him mention it to someone in another scene or something to establish some romantic feelings on the part of canon a full episode beforehand. That would have been the literal bare minimum. 

When Cas starts praising Dean, for some reason both the writing and Misha’s acting take a bit of a downswing (from...where it already was). Cas, whose most powerful moment this season was acknowledging that Dean’s anger at him is cruel and unfair, flatly praises him for doing everything out of love and it reads with a misunderstanding of both Dean as a character and Cas’ understanding of Dean. Dean is angry! VERY ANGRY! And it’s a problem he needs to work on and rarely does. 

Talking out of my ass, a better speech would have been about how Dean is angry because of his love for Sam, family, and the people around him, how, for better or for worse, he can’t help but be angry on behalf of others, and that his journey of moving that tendency towards the better is what made Cas care so much. Guys this alteration to the metaphor took 2 minutes to write tops I am an Art History student and these are TV WRITERS WITH YEARS OF EXPERIENCE CAN YOU TELL THEYRE NOT TRYING YET? 

A better speech would, of course, have come out of a better series. My point: this part was half-assed. Poorly written. Wow it’s almost like the series is also poorly written. 

 Also, Misha is the better actor of the three(***OF THE THREE), but his choices in that scene are jarringly out of character which. Makes the bad writing worse. It doesn’t help that they cut to the same fucking shot of Dean 3 times. The chemistry in that scene makes it feel so fucking hackneyed. Because it is. 

This combines lead me to the point: (wait there was a point to this?)

As someone who does not have the luxury of watching this capsized ship fall into boiling seas from a distance, it is less insulting to me that they did this so last minute and then sent Cas to the Void than it is how they did it. They had ingredients for something that could have been compelling enough to me as a former fan of the show to think that they had put effort into it, that they had decided months, perhaps even years ago to do this, and had crafted a storyline around it. That this was an intentional decision they cared about. It wasn’t. It was barely even pandering, because it’s almost insultingly blatant. 

SPN kinda proved to me that it didn’t care about queers when Charlie was killed off. It proved it to me again when Cas, not only died in confessing his love for Dean but did it in the weakest result of what could have been a surprisingly strong story.

[pug-bitch]

That’s not why I’m going (22)

Maybe not traditional love

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: Drake Walker x Amara Suarez

Rating: some foul language, some extremely suggestive. This is absolutely NOT appropriate for people under 18.

Word count: 3,410 (let me know if the ‘keep reading’ cutoff isn’t working well!)

Notes: This picks up exactly where we left off, during Amara’s conversation with Bertrand, with Amara’s POV.

*****

Bertrand’s eyes widen. ‘How...how did you know?’

Amara gives him a gentle smile. ‘I put 2 and 2 together. I know you’re always talking about your father being a proud man. I saw how concerned you were with Hana’s well being after she was outed. I remembered your exact phrasing. And your reaction when I told you her being gay is not the problem.’

Bertrand exhales loudly. ‘It was a different time. Cordonia was still very conservative.’

Amara nods. ‘I can imagine. I’m not judging, Bertrand.’

‘I know. I wasn’t even aware until my father passed. Albert came to me and said he had been compensated for his silence for years, and that he expected it to continue unless I was willing to let the truth come out. I figured I couldn’t do that to Father.’

‘I understand. Can I ask how Albert found out?’

Bertrand snorts. ‘He saw a receipt for a hotel in Switzerland, when my father was supposed to be on a business trip in Greece. I don’t know how he connected the dots, but he soon found out that Father had a… you know. A boyfriend. In Switzerland.’

Amara nods understandingly. ‘And he blackmailed your dad.’

‘He did. I know what you must think. That Father was weak, that he should have stood up for who he was. But his reputation would have been ruined, and my mother’s, and mine, and Maxwell’s.’

‘Did your mother know?’

‘She did. After I found out through Albert, I went through my parents’ old things. Their letters, from when they first met. They were best friends, Amara. Maxwell must have told you. My father was a stern man, and the only person who could draw a smile from his lips was my mother.’

Amara can’t help but think that maybe, if Barthélémy had been true to himself, he would have been happier. But she can’t tell Bertrand that. If Barthélémy had come out earlier in life, there’d probably be no Bertrand, no Maxwell. So, instead, she says, ‘That’s lovely. Your mom married her best friend to protect him?’

Bertrand nods, a tear peeking through the corner of his eye. ‘Yes. From a ruined reputation. From court turning its back to him. I know things are changing, but 40, or 35 years ago even, it was a different story. I’m afraid if I stop paying off Albert, he’ll talk, and all my father’s efforts will be in vain.’

‘I get that, Bertrand, but you can’t pay him off forever. Plus, you’re keeping an important secret from your brother. You two need to talk to one another.’ Amara had said that without thinking. After all, Max too had been keeping something from his big brother. Something that concerned him directly.

‘You’re right,’ Bertrand responds, wiping away a tear. ‘At the very least I have to tell Maxwell.’

*****

As Amara walks back out to the patio where her friends are still playing cards and getting hammered, she can’t help but look at Maxwell, who has no idea what’s about to hit him. Sure, he’s not going to judge his father, because Maxwell is not a homophobic dick, but he may be shaken by the news that his parents were not in love with each other. Also, that his brother has been paying off someone for years without telling him.

Amara tries to smile as hard as she can, so no one can see that she’s hiding something. Then, she remembers that everyone is drunk and that it does not matter.

‘Alright Suarez, your turn to shuffle!’, Drake says while throwing the deck of cards her way. She smiles and obliges, as Max is pouring her another Beaumont Lemonade.

‘Maxwell?’

Bertrand’s stern --and sober-- voice shuts everyone up, and they all turn to look at him, in all his professorial glory, as he stares at his little brother.

‘Yeah?’ Max responds.

Bertrand clears his throat. ‘Would you...come talk with me in my study? I have um...something to tell you.’

Maxwell’s face falls. ‘Oh God. What did I do?’

Bertrand laughs tensely. ‘No, you didn’t do anything. It may be me, who has done something, actually. Could you come?’

Max glances at Amara and chugs the rest of his lemonade before walking away.

‘What was that about?’ Olivia whispers, once the two men are gone.

Amara shrugs. ‘I guess we’ll know sooner rather than later.’

‘Come on, Suarez,’ Liv says as she grips her arm, ‘you know something.’

‘You’ll know sometime. Don’t worry about it.’

‘Ugh, you’re no fun. I’m gonna go to the armory,’ she says while getting up.

Amara, Drake and Hana follow her down to the stairwell, after putting the cards away and placing their drinks on a tray. Amara tells the staff not to bother, they’ll be back later to play some more.

*****

‘Wow, this is gorgeous!’ Hana exclaims at the sight of several antique flails mounted on the walls. ‘I feel like we’re arming up to defend the Wall!’

Drake laughs, and gives Hana a little tour of the medieval weaponry. She listens intently, ever the good student.

Amara is trying to listen as well, but she suddenly feels Liv’s hand grabbing her forearm and yanking her into a corner.

‘Hey!’ she shouts.

‘Shh, calm down, Suarez, it’s just me. Can I ask you something?’

‘Go ahead.’

‘Are you good with IT stuff? Like with phones and computers and shit?’

Amara shrugs. ‘A little. I mean, enough to get by, but not in an advanced way, no. Why?’

Liv looks both ways before speaking, as if she were expecting those armors to come to life. ‘I feel like something’s off with my phone. You know how it disappeared earlier, and then showed up again? I’ve been trying to figure out if it’s been tampered with.’

Amara nods and grabs the phone that Liv is handing her. Usually, she would brush it off and call her paranoid. But with the whole picture situation, no one could be too cautious. ‘What am I looking for?’

‘Anything. I’ve been looking everywhere inside to see if anything had been sent, I found nothing. Any way we could see if there’s a tracker somewhere?’

Amara looks at the phone from all angles, and removes the silver phone case to see underneath. ‘It doesn’t look like it. A device would be hard to hide on such a slim phone. It would be in the form of an app. Any new apps since this morning?’

Liv shakes her head. ‘I’m not worried about that. I have a PIN.’

‘How easy is it to guess?’

She remains silent for a split second. ‘Not easy at all.’

Amara hands her back her phone. ‘Then I don’t think you should worry at all.’

*****

Drake let Liv take over the tour of the armory, since she was so knowledgeable about weapons. He was now walking besides Amara, holding her hand.

‘It’s kinda cool down here,’ she whispers.

‘I know, right? It feels forbidden.’ He looks at Olivia and Hana, who are ahead of them, firmly engaged in a lively conversation about axes. Neither of them are looking back. He stops in his tracks, and takes Amara in his arms, kissing her passionately.

‘Wow…’ Amara says, catching her breath. ‘That was hot.’

Drake smiles mischievously. ‘You ain’t seen nothing yet.’

Before he can kiss her again, he hears footsteps behind them, and immediately lets go of her. What if it’s Bertrand?

‘Hey guys,’ Maxwell says weakly. ‘Mind if I join the tour?’

‘Of course man,’ Drake replies, ‘it’s your house. Are you ok?’

Maxwell gives a faint smile and nods. ‘I’m fine. I just um...learned something about my family, actually. Amara, Bertrand said you guessed it.’

Drake turns to Amara, who is extending her arms to give Max a warm hug. ‘I did,’ she says, ‘but only because I have enough distance from the situation to put the puzzle pieces together, Max.’

‘Um,’ Drake hesitates, ‘is everything ok? Did I miss something?’

Max sighs, breaking free from Amara’s hug. ‘Well, my brother had been blackmailed for years by our accountant. And my dad had been, too. Because Albert had some dirt on him.’

‘What?’ Drake blurts out, completely shocked by the idea of stern Barthélémy Beaumont having anything to hide.

Max continues, ‘Yeah, my dad was gay, and he and my mom were just, um...best friends. So, yeah.’

Drake cannot believe what he’s hearing. Poor old Bart, hiding all his life. ‘Wow, dude, that’s, um… intense.’

‘Yeah,’ Maxwell nods, ‘it is. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not upset because Dad was gay, of course, but it’s just kinda weird to think he’s been lying to us. And so was Mom. She was my best friend, and…’ Max trails off and wipes away a lone tear. Amara immediately offers up her arms again. Drake wishes he were as loving as she is.

‘I know, Max,’ Amara says, ‘but just remember it had nothing to do with you at all. She didn’t want to betray her husband’s secret. That’s love. Maybe not traditional love, but it’s love, too.’

It seems to help. Max sniffles a bit, and composes himself. ‘Thanks, guys.’ Guys? Drake has been standing there, useless. ‘I feel better.’

Amara squeezes his hand and walks to catch up with the girls. Come on, Drake thinks, this is your moment. No more toxic masculinity and silly guardedness.

‘Are you alright?’ he asks, feeling self conscious about the basic question he just came up with.

Maxwell smiles faintly. ‘I’ll be ok. I just need to wrap my head around, you know, the lies. Bertrand says that Albert caught Dad when he went to Switzerland to see his boyfriend. So, he had a whole second life away from us…’

Drake puts a hand on Maxwell’s back. ‘Hey. Your dad loved you. It can’t have been easy for him, living in a world that would not have accepted his sexuality. He did what he could.’

‘You’re right.’ Max side-hugs Drake and they walk like that for a while. ‘I can’t help but wonder,’ he continues, ‘if he would have been a little happier had he come out. Maybe I didn’t know the real him. You knew my dad, he was not a fun dude. Maybe it’s just because he was miserable.’

Drake chuckles. ‘Maybe. But also, maybe he was just a serious guy. Look at Bertrand. We know the guy’s not hiding his sexual orientation,’ Drake grimaces at the thought, ‘but he’s the least fun person we know. So...maybe that was just his personality?’

Maxwell laughs a little more earnestly this time. ‘You’re right again.’ He remains silent for a couple of minutes, visibly weighing what he’s about to say. ‘And Drake?’

‘Yeah?’

‘I appreciate Bertrand opening up. I feel like secrets might not be the best thing for our family right now. Like, if he wanted to be honest with me, I should be too, right?’

Drake nods. ‘I think so, yes.’

Max stops walking and looks Drake straight in the eye. ‘Maybe we should tell him about Savannah?’

*****

‘Guys, let’s cool our jets,’ Amara says while putting on her earrings.

The previous night had been a blur. They had finished the tour of the armory, and then had drunk some more Beaumont Lemonades until dinner was served. Out of sheer prudence, Amara and Drake had slept separately again, even though there was nothing they wanted more than sleeping together. This morning, both Drake and Maxwell had come to Amara’s room while she was getting ready and putting makeup on for the royal brunch.

‘Just hear me out,’ Maxwell says calmly.

‘I know what you’re gonna say,’ Amara replies, ‘and I get it honey, believe me. You don’t want any more secrets. However, we don’t know how things ended between Savannah and your brother, and maybe she doesn’t want him in Bartie’s life. It’s her choice, ultimately.’

Drake nods, and adds, ‘I hadn’t seen this side of the argument yesterday, Max, but I gotta say, it’s probably the most reasonable thing to do. At least until we find her. Which Amara is pretty close to achieving, right Suarez?’

Amara smiles. ‘Yup. Almost there. I’m struggling to find a phone number associated to the address I have because there’s no registered landline, but we’re making progress. I cross-referenced the name and address with hospitals and I found where Bartie was born and when. It all checks out.’

Maxwell sits up, excited. ‘Oh my God Amara, you hadn’t told me. That’s wonderful! And you guys are right. The decision belongs to Sav.’ He grabs Drake’s shirt and squeezes it in his hands. ‘Drake, we’re gonna meet our freakin nephew, can you believe it???’

‘I know, I can’t wait… what if we have no more leads, Suarez, how do we proceed?’

Amara applies her lipstick and turns around to face the guys. ‘Then, we go to Paris as soon as the competition is over and we find these little scamps.’

‘Who’s going to Paris?’

They hadn’t heard Hana peek her head in the bedroom door. ‘Hey hun! We are, when the competition’s over! Wanna join?’

Hana giggles and nods, as she enters the room. She’s a true vision, an angel even, wearing all white, a gorgeous wide-leg romper with a long silk belt. Her hair is wavier than usual, and her makeup is understated, with a hint of hot pink lipstick.

‘Wow Hana,’ Maxwell exclaims, ‘you look AMAZING, girl.’

Amara and Drake nod in agreement.

‘Oh, this? Thank you,’ Hana replies modestly. ‘I um...I just spoke to Liam. He and I agreed that today would be a good time to speak to the court, after brunch. For me to come out.’

‘Wow, Hana, that’s amazing,’ Amara says as she walks towards her friend with open arms.

‘Thank you guys,’ Hana responds as she hugs Amara back. ‘I wouldn’t have been able to do this without your support. I love you all. This will not be broadcast but I know my parents may hear of it soon, so I think I will fly back quickly before the end of the competition to tell them, and then come back here for Liam’s decision.’

*****

‘Welcome, friends!’ Liam exclaims, a bright smile plastered on his face, and his arms open.

Out of pure habit, Drake walks into his hug. Is it weird, now? Maybe. But for the sake of the front everyone is putting up, Drake needs to pretend it’s not.

‘Thank you for having us, Liam,’ Drake says, as they pat each other’s backs.

‘Yes, thank you very much,’ Amara chimes in, as she curtsies.

‘You are all most welcome,’ Liam responds. ‘Everyone is already armed with mimosas, we were waiting for the Beaumont Crew. The King and Queen will make their entrance in just a half hour. Come in!’

They all walk behind Liam, following his lead, as Drake scans the crowd. The other suitors, Madeleine, Kiara, and Penelope, are having a drink, and Lords Rashad and Neville have joined as well. As much as Drake likes Rashad, he truly cannot stand Neville and wishes he had stayed in his pretentious mansion instead of schmoozing here.

Amara and Hana, ever so charming, greet the others, while Drake and Olivia stay back.

‘You don’t wanna mingle either, huh?’ Liv whispers.

‘Not at all. But hey, I’ve got a blazer on, so I better show it off. Let’s dive into the shark infested waters.’

He walks over to Rashad. ‘Lord Rashad. I haven’t seen you since the Regatta.’

‘Drake! Good to see you. Yes, I’ve been away on business and haven’t had a chance to be back at court since then. But it’s nice to be back.’

‘Hi, Walker,’ Neville spits out, not bothering to stop drinking his mimosa.

‘Lord Neville.’

Drake exchanges pleasantries with Rashad for a while, when all of a sudden, in the corner of his eye, he spots Bastien. Drake could swear the bodyguard is avoiding making eye contact with him. Maybe it’s just paranoia, after the whole burner phone business.

But maybe it’s not.

As Bastien disappears into the dining room, Drake realizes he has stopped listening to Rashad completely, and that he is being rude, so he shakes it off and starts acting like a functioning member of society. He’ll worry about Bastien later.

*****

‘The King and Queen of Cordonia!’ a butler announces.

The whole room curtsies, and both King Constantine and Queen Regina walk in, solemnly. Upon their arrival, the room grows quiet, and all the guests wait to be greeted. When it’s Amara’s turn to be approached by the royal couple, she bows deeply.

‘Lady Amara,’ Queen Regina says.

‘Your Majesty,’ Amara responds.

‘It is very nice to see you again, and I look forward to spending this brunch in your company,’ King Constantine says through gritted teeth, the same sentence he has said to every single person around this room.

When they walk away to greet Hana, Amara exhales. She didn’t realize that she had been holding her breath. What is she afraid of? Is it just the natural authority that they both exude, or is it that she is afraid of being in trouble for simply existing in a world she should not be in?

She turns to Olivia, whose eyes are tired and worried. ‘Liv, what’s wrong?’ Amara whispers.

‘Nothing. I’m fine.’ Amara looks deep into her eyes and holds her gaze. Liv sighs and finally says, ‘I just got a vibe from Madeleine, I don’t know, something’s off. She was all smiles and was extremely nice to me for once. It doesn’t add up.’

Amara nods. She knows exactly what Olivia means. Nothing good can come out of Madeleine being weird. ‘Maybe she just wants to play nice in front of her aunt and uncle.’

‘Let’s fucking hope so.’

*****

Madeleine knows she needs to stop smiling. She’ll ruin the suspense, or worse, someone will catch on and see that she hasn’t been acting like herself. She can’t help it though, this is too good.

It was satisfying to take down the lesbian, but the feeling didn’t last very long. After all, she was not exactly a threat; yes, she excelled at every activity, which was annoying, but she definitely did not have the favors of the Prince.

No, this would be much, much better. She thinks she’s so tough, with her red dresses and her hidden daggers, she thinks she’s above everyone else.

Most importantly, she thinks she’s so smart and secretive. But really, how easy was it getting a Beaumont servant to get into her phone? How easy was it to guess her PIN? The tough bitch of Lythikos uses the same date for everything: 1995, the year her parents died. Boo-hoo.

She won’t think she’s so smart after everyone sees how pathetic she really is.

*****

‘Please, everyone, take a seat!’ Liam says to the crowd. ‘Place cards are on the table, and champagne has been served. Enjoy!’

Amara looks for her name, she is seated between Maxwell and Hana. Drake is next to Liam, right across the table from her. She takes a seat and smiles at the two men. She’s not even dreading the one-on-one walk with Liam after brunch, she already knows what they will talk about: Hana’s courage and her coming out, which will either happen before or after her moment with Liam.

She shakes her napkin and places it on her lap. She notices an envelope in her plate, where the napkin used to be. Upon looking around, she realizes that everyone’s plate has an envelope, and yet everyone looks puzzled by it. She looks at Liam quizzically, and he shrugs.

Her heart races. What the fuck is this? Everyone is whispering ‘what is it?’, even the royal couple. This can’t be good, and it feels exactly like the night Hana was outed through a text. Amara feels her heartbeat in her ears, a constant buzzing that prevents her from hearing what’s happening.

With shaky hands, she opens the envelope, as everyone else is doing the same.

A single picture is inside. A printout of a screenshot, an iPhone message.

A mirror selfie of Ilya, Olivia’s bodyguard, completely naked. Underneath, the following caption: Can’t wait to fuck you in the car again, Lady Nevrakis.

*****

Taglist:

@andy-loves-corgis @drakeandcamilleofvaltoria @jovialyouthmusic @mariahschoices @drakesensworld @thequeenofcronuts @notoriouscs@drakewalkerisreal @nikkis1983 @simsvetements @alesana45 @iplaydrake @emceesynonymroll @lily1999love @drakewalkerwhipped @drakewalkerrosenberg @drakeswalkers @drakxwalker @drakelover78 @silviasutton1989 @dcbbw @carabeth @furiousherringoperatortoad @hollygirl1269 

Thank you for your encouragements, everyone! Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist :)

[misterbitches]

here’s what confuses me. we are on a public platform and people are posting things, tagging them, and even just perusing. ostensibly to be heard and get engagement. that’s how the internet works and what it encourages. so when people put something out there especially when they make it localized (? is that a right word) for access, why is the critique or response, even if it’s unfavorable, now a problem? we put it out there and it exists, if someone stumbles upon it why wouldn’t they engage? otherwise, why bother with all this output? i mean not many people read my posts but it’s a good thing for me to have them because what i do write it helps me understand the world better and something mainstream in ways it could be better and what could be done to get away from it. helping understand the context and history of the problems i am seeing on screen in many diff ways. but i do make it seen for a reason. i have drafts or posts privately that are just for me that i don’t think others should see so that means i do not want that engagement and i am closing it off. 

it isn’t like people can’t see it and respond if they so choose  bc this is basically a tacit agreement of having this in public. so if you have an opinion and someone disagrees why would that be hard for you if you are the one who put it out there? we know how this website works and how the web works. do we just want to hear what we agree with or even just know? otherwise i wouldn’t know shit. even with my best friends we try and come to a form of understanding and get on the same page or ask questions. i don’t get upset when they say, “no, because” or introduce a new perspective and this happens with the people i am closest to. so on a public place what else would we get? we allow ourselves to be seen...

i don’t think i have blocked anyone but i know people have blocked me and it has been for probably me being annoying but still fairly innocuous when i reply with a critique or make a joke. you take this risk posting it every time. but i dont want to block people because they could be of value at some point even if i want nothing to do with them. but every time it so happens that i say something even a little off from what this person wants—and it’s generally when i go into things in detail—they shut down from the perception that i am being hateful or accusatory or unfair? even when i try de-escalation tactics or being like “calm down” (not that explicitly) so these seem to be very emotional responses to not hearing exactly what we want and knowing there’s objection when there should be anyway. even if pieces are damn near perfect there’s still something. i find it very hard to believe that there’s intense pain enacted on others for liking “unsavory” things when the “unsavory” is the mainstream and it is necessary to uphold these things and for capital to continue to produce what it does. you’re not different when you accept it into your life either critically or uncritically because that is the norm. so when people are knocking the norms, tropes, whatever it’s like a shock every time and like someone is telling you not to enjoy it. but, again, we put this shit out there and want a response so it cannot be just what we want to hear. i hate that i hate the idea that wanting a  work to be better and seeing shit critically even as a leftist or whatever is oppressive and limiting other ppl when it is in no way the same or even on par with being silenced in general because of the garbage you find in a work. you will still be the minority and it will still be popular so there’s a false sense of superiority put onto others who disagree by the ones who feel “attacked” or like they can’t defend themselves or whatever. and who fucking says? if some random says so like oh well man. you cannot compare it to the real shit these fans do and the massive fanbases they have and the shunning they love to do then feel as if they are priority in feelings.

 they say everyone is sensitive and not able to think about things with nuance but it’s the opposite most times. you aren’t and when someone pops up with it or even says something offhanded cos they dont feel like having a huge discussion that is not the same as pushing others down. there is no majority saying this is wrong and we don’t want it; there’s a majority dedicated to defending it, their choices, and frankly the false sense of even light persecution. especially as adults but in fandom you’re not encouraged to act as a fully fleshed out person for a majority reasons and esp in a fandom that will skew younger. they are reliant on rabid fans or uncritical ones and i have demonstrated that constantly and given quotes etc. we should talk about discourse and what the private owes to the public, what the state owes its viewers, what artists owe the people tuning in. we should talk abou tfreedom of speech forreal and what that means but if we go deep into that you’ll unveil more things you dont’ like how people absolutely rally against this shit and want nothing to do with it. if you don’t want to think about that that is fine but it doesn’t mean others won’t say it.

idk like it may seem insensitive but i dont like the idea that a person pointing out things that are gross or micro or macro agrressive or what the fuck ever is the ruler over the discourse and how people interact with the work when frankly that just isn’t the case in the pattern of the work that people do and utilizing fans and using capital to defend yourself and recreate industry. you may not like to hear that it’s all bullshit but people will say so and it holds not even close to the same weight that the tacit agreement in indulging can sway  us towards not great perceptions. the harm of pointing things out, or being rude, or whatever is not the same as what fans will do to those people and the obfuscation of the real fucking issue. 

now it’s no longer about the problems in itself but the way people are receptive to the way others respond when they have a problem with the very real and prominent problem. now there’s no interest in engagement or even seeing people who may have more to say to it. if we think constantly about defending our right to like a work then the work takes ona life of its own and it latches on to your emotions even more it’s so fucking silly bc it’s like....this shit isnt for us anyway and if it’s gonna be here we should make it better and talk about it but it’s not about that it’s not about the rapes it’s not about the culture it’s about personal feelings which is why it becomes about how we talk about it as if things that ever skew to the left or focus on liberation would ever be the most popular. since when did saying this is fucking bullshit, this shit sucks, this real “crime” means nothing because it’s just entertainment yet you must find ways to defend your right to see that entertainment. it makes no sense no one is talking about that we’re talking about the ins-and-outs of storytelling and the toxicity and nature of these REAL PROBLEMS THAT ARE PROBLEMS SINCERE PROBLEMS as in there is no negotiation in wrong or right because it is wrong in every sense it’s what you do with that wrongness and what the fuck you want to say. it’s not about what i say about them being fucking shitty about the way they say it. dont focus on the way i dislike it focus on what the fuck im saying man bc this shit is disingenuous and it COMPLETELY eclipses the issues and attitudes and it lets these fucking idiots off the fucking hook for making straight up garbage like not even in a sociopolitical way just thoughtless drivel sometimes. like most times i dont even hate the villains in these shows or the men who are o dark and fucked up but we still got to like them it’s literally like “no nigga like why r u here tho?” what do u fucking add. you’re dead space and they let us know it’s dead space by saying “oh man isn’t life SOOOO complex dont think about it just think about him being a nice rapist okay guys even tho we are gong to do NOTHING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to establish fucking any of that” 

this is what people said for tharntype and it’s what they say about fucking everything whether it’s about gay shit or not. good example is the star wars fans with that guy and that girl or wahtever in that stupid racist franchise. just clamoring to make sure we know you’re good and that you’re okay for thinking that way when no one says you aren’t. but if something is presented then expect to get a fucking response especially abut what it is about at its fucking core. enough of the bullshit about misunderstanding and acknowledge it’s about your comfort in your interests and not having that questioned or antagonized in a way that may implicate you are a bit complicit but fucking all of us are as consumers. you arent hurt for having an opinion that seems to not go with the flow but is certainly part of the status quo. the world relies relies on harm, in a way it is reliant on rape, and that permeates through us and always takes precedent. additionally, again, this shit is mad patriarchal so it does a disservice to us as well as women cos it’s like. no man that’s born out of misogyny actually. what can we do? well, dont rely on the state. but if you dont rely on the state then will you make real money? not the money we’re talking here with the genre in itself. to me that means they dont have an interest in showing different types of lives they have a majority interest in showing “attractive” “conventional” men kissing and making bank.