#contacted tumblr support but they haven’t gotten back to me yet & nothings happened on my end

[heliotropehotch]

as it was - a.h. x fem!reader

Request by @greenprisca​: Hi can I request a Hotch x reader fic! The reader is always there for hotch and jack (took care of them even when Haley was alive), but they both snap at her. Telling her she’s not Haley/his mom. (Y/N) takes a break from them and goes out with a brother or family member that’s a single parent, and the boys see it wrong.

a/n: i contacted tumblr a couple of days ago about my tag issues but i haven’t heard back. boosting this fic, if you like it, could really help tumblr fix whatever issue it’s having with my accounts. its very frustrating, and is making me not wanna post right now, so i might take a bit of time off while i wait for this issue to fix, and while i wait for more requests! ilysm thank you for your support!

Masterlist

author: abby <3

words: 1667

warning: fighting, yelling, mention of past character death

It shouldn’t have happened the way it did. 

The collapse of a perfect world was triggered by a caring act. The end of a long day, the whisper of words turned to shouts, love turned into regret. 

Aaron Hotchner had come back to his home late that night, the smell of dinner flooding through to his nostrils. He smiled, a gesture he missed when he was away on case. He called for Y/N, a presence he had hoped to see. Instead of the giggles of his son and her that usually met his eyes, he was met with quiet, so he headed to his son’s room.

She was moving to close Jack’s bedroom door, having just gotten him to sleep. Her eyes were tired, holding a sadness he had not seen in a long time. He quirked his eyebrow, moving to speak. She shook her head, a finger going to her mouth as she motioned him into the living room.

“How was your day, hun?” she sighed, stirring the pot of food she had made. 

“It was work,” he took his suit jacket off, draping it over a chair before hugging her body from behind. “Did something happen today?”

“I think you’ll need to talk to Jack tomorrow. He yelled at me tonight,” she said sadly, head swimming with thoughts.

“He did what?” he asked concerned, he hadn’t seen his son angry before. 

“I was just trying to put him to bed, but I guess he was having a hard time,” she spoke, recalling the hour before. “So I started humming that song Haley used to sing to get him to sleep, Hey Jude.”

“What?” His body tensed around hers as she continued speaking. 

“I don’t know.” She remained oblivious to his actions. “I thought it would help, but he just got more upset. He shouted saying I wasn’t his mom and started crying. I just held him until he fell asleep.” 

He retracted his arms from around her, hands curling into fists. “You’re not.”

She paused her movements to the dining room to set out plates for the both of them. She asked confused, “What?”

“You’re not his mom,” Aaron’s voice rang stern, anger boiling behind his steely eyes. “You’re not Haley. 

Y/N took a step back, scared of the tone, the implication of the words not said pushing against his lips. “Aaron,” her voice was confused, hurt. “I know that.”

“Then stop trying to act like you are.” He pulled his tie off, chucking it across the couch. “What made you think it was a good idea to do that? Stop trying to be more than what you are.”

“And what exactly am I?” Her voice became louder, not caring about the way it echoed through the hall. 

“A distraction,” he bit out, jaw clenched. “Nothing more than a sound to fill the silence.”

She huffed out a teary, dark chuckle, looking away from the man she’d give up everything for. She grabbed her things, keys jingling as her adrenaline began to wear. “Well, thank you, Hotch,” she bit out, a sarcastic smile on her face. “For having the decency to let me know now. Dinner’s on the fucking stove.”

The silence that was there before her hung in the air as he watched her shut the door, as she watched her leave.

The next morning, Jack Hotchner woke up rubbing sleep out of his eyes, clutching a stuffed animal Y/N had given him for his birthday. He frowned as he saw his father making breakfast in the kitchen.

“Daddy?” he pressed the fuzzy elephant to his chest. “Where’s Y/N?”

Aaron sighed at his son’s confused voice, setting the spatula he was using for pancakes down. He tried to mask his own emotions with the excitement of seeing his son. “Good morning, Buddy! Y/N went home for a bit, she had some other things to do.”

“But I thought this was her home.” Jack’s small little eyebrows furrowed with more confusion. 

“It is,” Hotch knelt down to get on his son’s level. “She just needed some alone time, bud.”

Jack’s eyes began to well up, striking his father’s heart. “Is it my fault?”

Aaron felt his stomach drop with guilt. “Of course not Jack.”

“But I yelled at her.” His lip quivered. “I said she wasn’t mommy.”

“I know buddy-”

“But I don’t care!” Jack was sobbing into his dad’s shoulder now. “I love Y/N, daddy.”

Aaron pressed his distressed son into his chest, shushing his cries against his casual shirt. His own heart ached with regret and words he wanted to take back. He admitted the words he had yet to say, as if to give himself some comfort. “I love her too, Jack. She’ll be back soon, I promise.”

After Jack had calmed down, Hotch decided to spend his day off trying to ease both of their minds. He took Jack to the zoo, carefully avoiding the elephants, and spent what felt like hours staring at the waddling penguins. Jack insisted on getting Y/N an apology stuffed penguin. Then he promised a trip to the park with what Jack called the ‘cool jungle gym.’ 

Jack ran towards the swings as Hotch reclined back into one of the park benches. He smiled to himself momentarily, as he watched his once sad son giggle with the other kids. His grin fell though, as he realized she should be enjoying the day with them. 

He wasn’t sure if Y/N would wait for him, and he honestly didn’t blame her if she didn’t. He had put her through so much, after having cared for both him and Jack when Haley died, and long before she passed as well. He loved Y/N but she couldn’t be blamed for being hurt at the things he had said, and would never mean. 

His eyes glazed over the park, letting out a solemn sigh at the peacefulness that contrasted the interior of his heart. And then he saw her.

Her arms were wrapped around a man, one Hotch hadn’t remembered seeing before, although it felt familiar. Around her own legs, a boy, about Jack’s age, had clung himself to Y/N’s knees, looking up pleadingly. The sweet smile he thought was reserved for his family had worked its way across her face. He almost missed his own son bounding up to where he had planted himself on the bench. 

“Daddy?” Jack called out. “What are you looking at?”

“Hmm?” Hotch said distractingly.

“Who are those people with Y/N? Doesn’t she wanna hang out with us?” Aaron was too preoccupied, watching Y/N pressed a kiss to the man’s cheek. 

“Can I go say hi to her?” he pleaded, tugging on his dad’s hand. 

“Not now, Jack,” he sighed, pulling his now pouting son into his lap. “I think she might be busy, bud.”

Days had passed, without a word from Y/N. Aaron had picked up the phone hundreds of times at that point, wanting to say anything to bring her back into their lives. He had been relying on Jess for help taking care of Jack when he was at work, and had therefore endured a lecture he knew he deserved. 

He got in his car to drive home, sighing at the empty passenger seat next to him. His eyes landed on the stuffed penguin he had bought to please Jack. He sighed once more, knowing he had to do something. 

The front door of Y/N’s apartment was daunting, unfamiliar. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been to her place before, but Jack was right when he said their place was her home. She had basically moved in with them, so the varnish that covered the wooden door only seemed threatening of the barrier he had been putting up. He raised his fist, and knocked on the door. 

Her eyes widened at the distraught man in front of her, promptly turning into a frown with the recognition of Hotch. She moved to close the door again. 

“Y/N, please,” he begged, stoic expression long gone. “I’m sorry.”

“Aaron-”

“I don’t expect you to forgive me. I hurt you, I know that. But I didn’t mean it.” She stood still, allowing him to speak, and he took a step closer to her, reaching for her hand. “I love you, Y/N. You were never a distraction, only a relief. There’s so much I couldn’t have done with you by our side. We both know you’re not Haley, but I like you better as you are, as someone who cares for my kid like her own, as someone who cares for me when I forget to do it myself.” 

Her hiccups of tears flooded the silence that came when he paused, his hand moving up to her cheek. “If I could take it all back, before I said those words, I would in an instant. Just as it was, just as you were. I just hope you still hold your love for me after what I’ve done.”

Her arms wrapped around his neck, pressing his nose into her neck as he breathed her in. She sighed, relieved to have one of the Hotchner’s back in her arms. “I love you, Aaron, even when you decide to act like a dick.”

He chuckled against her, squeezing her body against his before pulling back. Brushing away her tears again, he kissed her forehead, making a promise to himself that he wouldn’t let her go again. Her giggle, brought him out of his soft trance.

“Did you bring me a penguin?”

He smiled sheepishly, pressing the stuffed animal into her palm. “Jack got it as an apology gift to you.”

She pressed it against her chest, clutching it the same way his son had days before. “That’s one sweet kid you’ve got there.”’

“One who desperately wants to see you,” he chuckled again.

“Well,” she said, grabbing her purse and keys. “Let’s go home then.”

[sundaymorninglife]

the morning after

corpse husband x fem!reader

warnings: cursing, drugs, alcohol, insinuation of sex. 

a note: thank you so much for your support on part one! uh, i haven’t written in years and coming back to tumblr has been a weird yet lovely ride. hope you enjoy this part two. 

part 1 - next

tag list is open!

y/n closed the door behind her quietly.

she looked around the hallway, trying to see if any of her friends were around, but all she could find were some girls drunkly talking, waiting to go into the bathroom. she knocked on the door twice, having agreed that that was the code for coast clear. without looking back, she made her way through the hallway and then the stairs, before going to the kitchen.

she sighed heavily, and made her best to check that her clothes and hair were OK and not too much of a giveaway of what had just happened. she looked at the array of drinks in front of her, and grabbed a bottle of tequila to pour.

as she was looking for shot glasses, rae and lily bursted into the kitchen.

“y/n, there you are!” lily shouted, even though they were alone. she sounded a lot drunker than when they had left y/n before.

rae laughed and took a hold of lily, balancing her, before looking at y/n. “yeah we’ve been looking for yo- oh my god what happened to your hair?”

y/n’s hands instinctively rose up to her hair, her eyes wide and paranoid. “i- oh god. is it that bad?”

rae burst out laughing, lily just looked at them confused, too drunk to understand the unspoken context. “oh god y/n! WHO and HOW and WHEN? we were only gone for like forty minutes!”

y/n finally found the shot glasses and poured herself a shot of tequila, which she quickly downed before serving herself another one. “please don’t judge me,” she said, before taking the shot she had just poured.

“please don’t tell me you fucked e/n,” rae retorted, still holding lily up by the shoulders.

“oh my god please tell me you slept with e/n, it would be the gossip of the week!” lily said, just excited to have any kind of drama to talk about. their group of friends was great, no doubt about it, but it needed some spice some days. nothing too serious, of course, but enough to provide entertainment, that’s all lily wanted.

y/n let out a snort. “no fucking way. he’s so sleazy! i can’t believe i ever dated that guy.”

“so...” rae wiggled her eyebrows at the girl, “who was it then? do we know them?”

y/n gulped. “it was.... it was no one okay. it was just a random dude.” she wasn’t technically lying, but it still felt weird to hide this from her two closest friends in LA. rae and lily gasped and looked at each other, but before they could say anything, y/n continued: “i know, i know, i swore off men and random hook ups, but...” y/n paused, thinking of corpse and about what had just gone on in the bathroom mere moments ago, “he was charming, what can i say?”

“oh my god, you have to point him out later on- was it good? it looks like it was good, you’re practically glowing!”

y/n blushed and put her face in her hands, looked at rae from in between her fingers. “yeah, it was great. anyway,” she got in between her two friends, “how about we go and we dance a little?”

***

corpse left the bathroom a few minutes after he heard the two knocks on the door. as he went into the hallway, he barely caught y/n going down the stairs. his mind was racing. that had just happened. he had followed her into the bathroom, hoping to not get caught by any of their friends, and in between the kissing, the unbuttoning, the desperate need for skin on skin contact, they established a few rules.

1. no feelings. this, whatever it may become, will remain strictly physical.

2. no one can know. if anyone finds out they might pressure them to get into a relationship, or worse, it might ruin the group’s dynamic.

3. no jealousy. they are allowed to see other people as long as they keep each other updated, for health and safety reasons.

it was fairly simple and straightforward. of course, rule number one had sort of already been broken on his part since he did have a crush on her but, he thought, it could be easily pushed away. not like he was in love with her.

as he walked down the hallway, ready to rejoin everyone downstairs, he felt a hand against his shoulder. he turned around to find jack, drunk of course, smiling at him. “corpse! my guy! where have you been for the past hour?”

“i... i was talking to that group of girls,” corpse said, pointing to the girls waiting outside the bathroom. “although i got a little freaked out when they offered me snow.”

jack laughed. “well, i won’t offer you snow, but let’s go get some shots. you look way too sober compared to me, my man.” corpse laughed and let himself follow the irishman, trying his best to not think about y/n and what they had just done.

***

as people woke up the next morning, the ever so familiar hangover headache started infecting most of the people who had gone to mark’s party.

lily and y/n had gone over to rae’s apartment to spend the night. the two friends insisted y/n point out who it was that she had slept with at the party, but the girl simply told them, very regretfully, that he had already left, probably to never be seen again.

lily was presently throwing up in rae’s toilet, having been the most drunk out of the three friends, while rae and y/n battled simultaneous headaches in the kitchen. as rae was making a much needed batch of coffee, and y/n was toasting some bread, lily dragged herself to the kitchen, tiredly proclaiming, “i am never drinking again.”

rae and y/n just laughed, both of them had been in the exact same situation, and they knew that lily would probably be drinking just as much the following week.

“so...” rae started, as she poured the now ready coffee into three mugs, “y/n. are we gonna get more deets on mr. bathroom?”

y/n groaned and let her head fall into her hands. “please don’t remind me that i did it in a bathroom, rae.”

rae snorted. “yeah, yeah, WHATEVER. you’re avoiding the question at hand, y/n. what was he like? where was he from? will you see him again? did he have a big d-“

“WOAH, woah, okay!” y/n interrupted rae before she could finish that last question. “he was nice. i didn’t ask where he was from. and no, i probably won’t see him again.” y/n looked down sheepishly at her mug, knowing that last answer was a straight up lie.

as a matter of fact, corpse had already texted her that morning to make sure that what had happened in the bathroom (and the rules they agreed upon) was OK. she appreciated the concern he had for her and the fact that he went out of his way to make sure she was comfortable. she replied to him saying that everything was good to go, and she honestly couldn’t wait to see him again. even rae, when she saw her in the kitchen, told her she was glowing.

“aw damn, that’s too bad! i wanted to meet this guy. hey, you still didn’t tell me how big his di-“

“oh my god guys please shut up, i’m dying over here.” lily interrupted rae this time, clearly too hungover to be interested in the subject at hand.

rae and y/n just laughed and started talking about other events that had transpired throughout the night, although y/n couldn’t keep her mind off of a certain curly haired guy.

***

corpse quietly made his way to the kitchen. him and jack had gotten home very late and very drunk, and he was already getting ready for toast to be kind of pissy at the whole affair. after all, he was kind enough to offer them his home while they were staying in LA.

corpse’s head was pounding, from the hangover or the anxiety of seeing y/n, he didn’t know. he had texted her to make sure that what happened the night before was OK, and to confirm that they were actually going to do this. he felt relief when she texted back that yeah, she wanted to seriously do this no strings attached sort of thing.

the curly haired man dragged his feet to the kitchen. he found toast there, already having breakfast, looking a little ticked off.

toast looked up at corpse from where he was seated. “you know, i love you and jack. but for the love of god, i’m never going to let you back into my apartment if it means you two getting home drunk as hell at four in the morning, screaming about how much you want chicken nuggets.”

corpse groaned and covered his face. he mumbled a quiet “i’m sorry,” before going to boil some water for tea. toast looked at his friend and decided the argument was sort of silly, and kindly laughed it off before saying, “it’s like you guys forgot mcdonald’s has delivery.”

once his tea was ready, corpse sat across from toast at the kitchen table. by then, sykkuno had also made his way into the room, and he said a quiet but sweet “good morning” to his two friends.

corpse was quietly drinking his tea when toast noticed it. “holy shit,” he started, “what is that on your neck?” it wasn’t long before toast was laughing incredibly hard. corpse immediately pulled out his phone and opened the camera, trying to get a look at his neck.

y/n had left him a hickey.

sykkuno made his way over to the table and peeked at corpse’s neck, before gasping and bring his hand to cover his mouth. “corpse, oh my god!” he said between laughs.

corpse felt his face grow red, before putting his hand on his neck to try and make the hickey disappear.

toast was still laughing when he asked, “who gave you that corpse?!”

“i... well it was-“

“can you all please stop laughing so fucking loud? my head fucking hurts.” corpse was thankful for jack’s interruption. he was quickly trying to come up with a cover up story for the hickey on his neck.

“corpse has a hickey!” sykkuno informed jack. the irishman’s eyes widened at the statement and immediately he went over to tear away corpse’s hand from his neck.

“so that’s what you were doing with the girls outside the bathroom, huh?” corpse sighed with relief. jack came up with the cover up on his own.

“uh, yeah. i hooked up with one of them in the bathroom. they offered me coke after and that’s when i found you, jack.”

“un-fucking-believable. i miss being 23 and being able to pull shit like that off.” jack sat down next to him at the table.

“pfft! as if you had half the game corpse has when you were in your 20s, jack,” toast said, trying to tease his friend a little.

“oh shut the fuck up toast! as if your game is any better than mine, huh?”

corpse just laughed, bringing his hand back up to cover his hickey.

“are you gonna see the girl again corpse? what was she like anyway?” sykkuno asked.

“uh, she was nice. i probably won’t see her again though, i’m not really looking for a relationship right now.”

ah, but he would see her again. he actually couldn’t wait to get his hands on her once more, even if it meant more hickeys for his friends to find and make fun of.

taglist: @evi-ka @bi-andready-tocry @ramshasar  

[deathmcth-archived]

☢ 𝘒𝘕𝘖𝘞𝘐𝘕𝘎  𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘙  𝘗𝘈𝘙𝘛𝘕𝘌𝘙  𝘞𝘌𝘓𝘓  𝘊𝘈𝘕  𝘗𝘖𝘛𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘐𝘈𝘓𝘓𝘠  𝘔𝘈𝘒𝘌  𝘞𝘙𝘐𝘛𝘐𝘕𝘎  𝘛𝘖𝘎𝘌𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘙  𝘈  𝘓𝘖𝘛  𝘌𝘈𝘚𝘐𝘌𝘙.

REPOST DO NOT REBLOG !!

& DASHBOARD FUN ; mun addition ✧˖*°࿐

●  name ; cloves is fine!

●  pronouns ;  he/him and they/them!! either of those or switching between the two is 👍🏼

●  preference of communication ; DMs are ok! i only give out discord to ppl i’ve been rping with for a good while tho 😔 i’m not SUPER talkative but i try to reply to everything as best as i can!

● names of muse(s) ; ayalon!! i also.. have a canon character mutli-muse blog that i haven’t really done anything with.. maybe i’ll finally do something with it

● experience / how long ( months / years? ) ; i’ve been rping since i was 13, but for tumblr rp specifically i started in 2015!! and then took a much needed break from 2017-2019. i’ve always loved rping but the rp community back then was uhhhhh not as supportive of trans ppl or characters. it seems to have gotten better tho

● best experience ; i think anything i’ve done with my friend @carnivorarium // @phantasmaw!! i can’t really pinpoint a specific experience, but plotting and rping with them has been really fun and has really helped me get back into rping as a whole. IDK i was just so nervous when i first came back but she was super cool and nice and our characters hit it off super well!! 

this isn’t a tumblr rp experience but back in 2015 me and a friend created this huge fantasy world with all kinds of characters and we had the whole rp plotted out till the very end. i cant remember much of what we established but i remember it being really in-depth and thought out LSJHGKF i was always so excited whenever we both found the time to sit down and toss replies back and forth to each other. but then a few months later the website we rped on didn’t exist anymore and we ended up losing contact. i really wish i could go back and read everything we sent each other but im pretty sure i cant 

● RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS ; 

i actually have a lot and that’s why im so selective LDJFHK like the tumblr rpc has gotten better, yeah, but there is still so much room for improvement. 

1. being needlessly mean/high school bully level pettiness. Like bro there’s certain ppl on this website that do nothing but frequently make these long ass posts complaining abt how their oc(s) are better than everyone else’s, bc everyone else’s aren’t as “thought out, original, interesting, ect enough” and like? i just dont get it. i genuinely do not understand why ppl are so willing to kiss these specific kinds of ppl’s asses. the MOMENT i see any kind of “my oc is better than other ocs and here is a list as to why:” i refuse to interact. be proud of ur characters, but dont act like ur better than everyone else? i’ve also seen someone make a #girlboss post abt how “yeah there’s certain ppl on this website that want to avoid me so i go out of my way to befriend all of THEIR friends so they can never get rid of me :)” yeah ur weird. u are full on weird. u have not matured past 14. 

2. any complaining abt mlm and wlw. this includes ‘gay ships are so popular online that m/f just doesnt exist anymore.’/’everyone just wants to have gay ships so i’m going to get back at them by only shipping m/f.’ i dont think i should even have to explain why complaining abt gay ppl finally being able to indulge in fictional gay relationships is a fucked up thing to do and yet ppl still do it. stop having this ‘i have to get back at gay ppl’ mindset.. it’s gross

3. when i say no to a romantic and/or sexual relationship and all interest from the other person is lost. im not hurt when this happens, but it gets so annoying. if i say no to a ship and all interactions are suddenly cut off, it is so obvious to what ur intentions were and i really don’t appreciate it. my characters aren’t shipping fodder for yours. i know it can suck when someone says no to a possible ship, but it’s also so shitty to take that ‘no’ and then deliberately ignore the person just bc they refused u. it’s obvious, and i do notice it.

4. this is a personal preference ig but i dont like the ongoing trend of ‘my trans character was SA’d for being trans’ that is suddenly so.. popular within the tumblr rpc. it really grosses me out and i cant stand seeing it and i dont want mentions of that on my dash at all. it’s a no-no for me. 

● MUSE PREFERENCES ; fluff, angst or smut ; all three! tho i’m kinda selective with angst and even more-so with smut. i like to get a feel for someone and their character first before i rp angst, bc there’s been a lot of times i’ll be rping with someone and they would pile angst after angst on top of their character over and over again to the point it just got.. kinda ridiculous. like i love angst but sometimes ppl just get too caught up with making their characters go through the most fucked up shit as much as possible as a plot device. listen i love dragging my characters through the mud too but after awhile it gets repetitive and boring ;;v;; 

i love writing smut but given that ayalon rarely feels sexual attraction to other ppl and when he DOES he’s too busy just bullying them so. smut writing here might not be that big of a thing LKJDHFK fluff is a free for all tho!! he wants to knead on everyone like a cat and pull on them like laffy taffy. that’s ayalon being soft. 

 ● ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) ;  i think everyone’s got a little piece of themselves in their muses!! it’s hard not to. but damn i WISH i was a giant goth dude with great hair. i guess the biggest thing we have in common is that we’re both pretty stubborn when we have our minds set on something

tagged by: no one in particular LJDKFG i just saw a lot of ppl do it 

tagging: do what i did and steal from me. it’s ok to tag me too <3

[mikauzoran]

Adrienette: Serendipity: Fifty Marichat and Adrienette Kisses: Kiss Ten

On AO3: Serendipity: Fifty Marichat and Adrienette Kisses: ...desperately.

(Oops. I forgot to post this on Tumblr last week. ^.^;)

The end-of-the-school-day akuma had been brutal.

Adrien was a little surprised that they hadn’t cancelled the rest of it, but he guessed that, after three years, akuma attacks had become almost normal for Paris, so they no longer merited quite so drastic a response as they once had when they were new.

But the akuma battle had been brutal, so when Marinette whispered, “Skip fencing today and meet me at the side door to the bakery in fifteen minutes” as she passed him on her way out of the classroom, Adrien was more than happy to comply.

Fifteen minutes later exactly she opened the side door and motioned him in, putting a finger to her lips to entreat silence.

They snuck up to the apartment where Adrien noticed the PlayStation set up on the coffee table.

“Oh, is that the new Mecha Strike game? I haven’t gotten the chance to play yet,” he explained, making a start towards the living room. “Can we—”

“—Adrien,” Marinette called from halfway up the stairs to her room. “Come on.” Her voice had the odd ring of a mother calling to her child as he strayed too near the edge of a pond where kelpies were known to drown hapless victims.

With a frown, Adrien obediently followed.

“Hey,” he called softly as the trapdoor closed behind him. “What’s wrong?”

In lieu of an answer, Adrien got a mouthful of Marinette’s tongue.

With a start, he sprang back, hands up in defence. “Whoa! Sorry, but could we…just…like, not today?” he implored with pleading eyes. “Can we just hang out, please?”

Marinette shook her head, tears building in the corners of her eyes as she reached out for him, gripping at his shirt, hands shaking. “I need to not think right now. If I don’t stop thinking, I’m going to get akumatized, and I can’t get akumatized. I can’t make Chat Noir fight me.”

“Geez,” Adrien hissed, petting her hair with one hand while the other rested supportively on her shoulder. “What happened? What’s wrong? Marinette, if you ever need to talk about something, I’m here for you. You know that, right? I’ve got you, okay? No matter what, I’ve got you.”

“Please just kiss me,” she whimpered, tears beginning to spill over onto her cheeks.

Adrien pulled her in for a gentle, soothing kiss full of care and comfort.

Marinette quickly escalated matters, guiding him over to the chaise longue without breaking contact and pushing him down so that she could settle in between his legs which fell to either side of the chaise. She didn’t hold back, putting all of her need and anxiety and fears into the kiss.

The akuma attack had been brutal.

Ladybug had screwed up badly, getting both Rena and Carapace captured. They’d later told her not to beat herself up when she’d taken back their Miraculouses, but she couldn’t help but go over and over all the ways she should have reacted faster, spotted the akuma’s object sooner, given directions to her teammates better, figured out her Lucky Charm more quickly.

Maybe she was the only one who would even think to blame herself, but Marinette knew the truth, and that was enough. She wasn’t fit to be Ladybug. She couldn’t cut it as team leader and wasn’t meant to be the Guardian.

She couldn’t do it. She was a failure…but what choice did she have?

There was no one to turn to for help or guidance, no one in whom she could confide. She was on her own. Totally alone with all of Paris counting on her to be perpetually perfect, all of Paris waiting to blame her the second she made a mistake.

It felt like that first akuma fight all over again, screwing up, letting everyone down, proving she couldn’t do it…only there was no option to give up this time, no one to take her place. The burden was hers alone, and she was drowning in it.

“Ohime-sama,” Adrien gasped, turning his head away, breaking the kiss. He gulped, trying to find his breath. “Slow down. You’re panicking.”

“Of course I’m panicking!” she squeaked. “I—”

“—Shh,” he interrupted, placing his fingers over her lips. “Take a deep breath.”

With a put-out huff, Marinette inhaled slowly.

“Now sit up,” he urged.

She acquiesced so that they were both straddling the chaise, facing one another.

“Keep breathing,” he instructed as he took each of her legs, one at a time, and hooked them over the tops of his own. He scooted in closer so that she was effectively sitting in his lap.

Marinette’s breath hitched as he drew her in, pressing her to him as his lips latched onto her neck.

“Keep breathing,” he chuckled airily against her skin.

She moaned, her mind going blank as his teeth carefully nipped at her throat.

He worked diligently, making his way down one side of her neck and then up the other.

She tipped her head back, granting him full access all down the front of her throat.

He kept going, following the line of her sternum down but stopping before he crossed the threshold of her breasts.

“Keep going,” Marinette groaned in protest, reaching down to further unbutton her blouse.

Adrien caught her hand, lightly restraining her. “No, Ohime-sama,” he answered contritely. “I’m sorry, but I’m not ready to go there right now.”

Marinette let out a little moan of frustration, dropping her head to Adrien’s shoulder and nuzzling his neck. “…Are you sure I’m the only person you’ve ever kissed? You’re way too good to be completely inexperienced.”

He chuckled as he started rubbing a hand up and down her back once more. “Other than a handful of akuma kisses that I can’t remember? You’re it. I swear I’ve learned everything I know from anime and fanfiction. Guess I’m a quick study…or it could be that you’re just similarly inexperienced, so you don’t know what’s good.”

She gave a halfhearted snort. “Trust me. You’re good…even if you don’t seem to enjoy this much yourself.”

He pulled back a little and angled his head so that he could see her face more clearly. “Why do you think I’m not enjoying this? I like making out.”

“Pft.” She nuzzled his neck lazily. “Adrien, I might not have much experience with male anatomy, but I’m practically sitting in your lap, and I can feel just how into this you are…or, in this case, how not into it.”

Adrien blanched. “That! …is not an accurate representation of…of anything,” he spluttered.

“Hm,” Marinette responded lukewarmly, mind starting to dip back into dark thoughts.

“Seriously,” Adrien insisted a touch defensively. “I like making out with you. I enjoy kissing.”

“Okay,” she replied as if she had no skin in the game. “Sorry. I just… Not that I know what I’m talking about, but…I always got the impression that guys were always horny. Maybe it’s just a sexist stereotype, but…but if it wasn’t…both you and Chat Noir don’t really seem to want me like that, so I was just wondering if I was doing something wrong,” she muttered, attempting to hide her face in his neck.

Forcefully, he pulled back so that they were an arm’s length from one another, his hands on her shoulders. “Marinette, there is nothing wrong with you, okay?” he stressed, the intensity of his gaze driving home his point, making her believe it. “Okay?”

She nodded, agreeing, “Okay.”

With a sigh, he untangled himself from her and got to his feet, beginning to pace. “Chat Noir wants to make love to you. Eventually. He’s just…” Adrien scrubbed a hand through his hair, trying to find ways to explain both of himselves so that his girlfriend didn’t think that she was undesirable.

He stopped and looked back at her. “He’s still not over Ladybug and how he messed up things with the girl he tried to date after he realized that Ladybug was never going to come around. He doesn’t want to screw up with you, so he’s taking things really slow. It has nothing to do with anything you are or aren’t doing. The issue is one hundred percent his.”

“Oh,” Marinette breathed, some of the melancholy seeming to come out of her with the syllable. “Oh, good. So…it’s really not me?”

“No,” he assured. “Trust me. An uncomfortable number of our schoolmates would sleep with you in a heartbeat. It’s not you.”

“Oh,” she repeated, still processing this information. She frowned, a look of distaste settling between her eyebrows. “Who at school said they’d sleep with me?”

He shook his head. “Don’t think about it. Pretend I never said that. I’m having a hard enough time just competing with Chat Noir here; I don’t need more rivals.”

Marinette pursed her lips, considering for a moment before letting it go. “Okay. So…if I’m not the problem…why don’t you want me?”

Adrien winced, turning away, going back to wearing a path on her area rug with his pacing. “I do want you. In my own way. Eventually. I’m kind of…in the same boat as Chat Noir.”

He peeked back over his shoulder at her.

She was gazing at him attentively, concentrating on his words, trying to understand.

He sighed, averting his gaze once more. “I told you I’d only ever loved one other person, right?”

“Mmhm.” She waited patiently for him to continue.

He went over to the ladder up to her loft, resting his forehead against the handrail as one of his hands tightened around one of the rungs. “She’s also the only other person I’ve even considered in that way…sexually. I don’t…” He bit his lip. “I don’t have much of a libido. So there’s nothing wrong with you.”

“Oh,” she reiterated, not able to come up with a more complex response. It was all she could do to take in what he was saying and try to make sense of it.

He spun around, crossing his arms and leaning back against the ladder defiantly. “And there’s nothing wrong with me either.”

She opened her mouth but then thought better of saying anything. This was obviously a touchy subject, and she didn’t have the resiliency necessary to survive yet another mistake at that moment.

“Luka told me that there are plenty of people who don’t have the desire to express love physically,” he informed as if quoting a vetted authority on the subject.

In the back of Marinette’s mind, she wondered when Luka and Adrien had gotten so close that they would have discussed something like that. She knew they’d been spending time together over the years, but she hadn’t realized how good of friends they’d become.

Adrien continued with his explanation, “It’s called being asexual, and it’s a spectrum, not some kind of binary dichotomy, so…there are varying degrees of… Are you still with me? You look overwhelmed.”

“I…” She bit her lip and decided to go for honesty. “I am overwhelmed. This is kind of a lot.”

With a sigh, Adrien strode back over to the chaise, dropping to kneel at her feet. He took her hands in his, bringing them to his lips for a kiss.

When he was done, he looked back up at her, eyes penitent. “I’m sorry. I had no intention of dropping this all on you. I was waiting until further along in our relationship because I didn’t think sex would even be an issue for another year or two.”

Marinette’s vocal chords spasmed, forming a sound that was somewhere between a cough, choking on air, and a spit take.

Adrien’s eyes widened, and it was his turn to be speechless. “…Oh….”

He licked his lips nervously. “So…I guess our timetables are a little…not in sync.”

She shook her head slowly, looking horrified.

He sucked in a breath. “Oh. Okay. So…maybe we put a pin in the issue and come back to it later. Right now, I just want to explain asexuality to you so that you understand that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are so hot and so sexy, Marinette. If you just wanted to sleep with someone, you could have that easily. Heck, if you wanted a different boyfriend, you could have that too. You are in no way lacking….”

An impish, self-deprecating smile slid across his lips. “It’s just the guys you’ve picked.”

With a sigh, Marinette tipped to the side, slowly lowering herself so that she was curled up on her side on the chaise, facing him. “There’s nothing wrong with the guys I’ve picked. I have impeccable taste in men.”

Adrien snorted softly, stretching his legs out to one side and leaning over, supporting his weight on his palms. “I’m really glad to hear that you don’t regret your choice.”

A warm, silly smile blossomed like a daisy on her lips. “Never. …So…explain ‘asexual’ to me? That sounds like that would mean no sex, but you were talking like sex would be a thing eventually…but not often?”

Adrien grimaced, reaching out to stroke her hair. “So, it’s not really high on my list of priorities in a relationship…. It’s…not on my list at all, actually,” he confessed. “I mean…we’ve talked a little bit before about how it’s more important for me to snuggle and kiss and organize romantic surprises and go on dates straight out of rom-coms.”

Marinette groaned. “I must have a type or something because your list sounds just like Chat Noir’s.”

“You totally have a type,” he snickered, twisting a strand of her hair around his finger. “…Let’s just say…that when it comes to sex, I’m not going to be the one to start something, but your wants and needs are important to me. I want you to be happy and satisfied with things between us, so, when it comes time to incorporate that into our relationship, I’m more than willing to work with you. We’ll figure this out, Marinette.”

“Okay. That sounds…good. Thank you, Adrien.” She sighed, turning her head to nuzzle his hand affectionately.

His eyebrows pinched together in concern. “You don’t sound happy. What’s wrong?”

She pressed her lips together, studying him for a moment before letting out a little groan of frustration, “What if I’m ready now?”

He couldn’t help but laugh, a short, sharp sound of incredulity. “Now? When you’re dating Chat Noir and won’t be alone in public with me without one or more of our friends along to serve as chaperon so that it won’t count as an actual date so that you’re not technically cheating on your boyfriend?”

Marinette flinched, rolling over onto her back so that she could stare up at the ceiling and not have to face him. “You could have just said, ‘no’,” she grumbled, “or, ‘no, I’m not ready yet’.”

“Marinette, we are a mess,” Adrien retorted, halfway between a snort and a scoff. “We don’t need to further complicate things between us. We’re not going to be ready until we’re in an official relationship, until we can be seen in public and don’t have to hide and don’t have to keep secrets.”

Silently, Marinette lamented the fact that there would always be some secrets she could never tell him.

“Marinette,” he called gently. “There’s a lot that has to change before we’re going to be ready to take that kind of step.”

She sighed again dejectedly, whispering, “All right.”

He took her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Sorry…but even if everything was perfect at the moment, right this minute still doesn’t work for me.”

She lifted her head and frowned interrogatively at him.

“I’m marginally freaked out about what you said about being afraid you were going to get akumatized,” he confessed. “Marinette, what’s going on? Is there anything I can do?”

She pursed her lips, sitting up and considering him for a minute before replying, “Take your shirt off?”

Adrien blinked, momentarily thrown by the request. Then, to his credit in Marinette’s book, he let go of her hand, stood, and slipped off his shirt, laying it carefully on the back of her desk chair.

“Tada?” he chuckled sheepishly.

She cast him a grateful smile. “And your shoes?”

He toed them off and lined them up neatly at the base of the chair. He looked to her for further instructions.

“I want to snuggle up in my bed under the covers,” she explained, her cheeks reddening. “Have you ever just wanted to feel someone else’s skin against yours? Soak up their body heat?”

Adrien nodded, well acquainted with those particular longings.

She chewed nervously at her lip, continuing, “I’ll keep my bra on, but I’d like to take my blouse off, if that’s okay?”

Adrien gulped and then nodded. “I’ll head up to the loft first, then?”

She smiled shyly. “I’ll be there in a sec.”

Adrien wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting from Marinette’s negligée—This was a lie. He’d always pictured something simple and cute and pastel pink—but it wasn’t black lace with a small green bow and a golden bell at the center of her chest.

“Still breathing?” she giggled, pulling down the covers and joining him underneath.

“Y-Yeah,” Adrien managed. “…I’m a fan of the bell.”

It reminded him of their first kiss and the bell necklace she’d been wearing, the one she’d worn again on their first date.

Her eyebrows arched slightly in surprise, but her expression quickly turned pleased. “Noted. Lie down, please.”

He did and soon found himself being used as a body pillow, her head tucked under his chin, her chest against his, her stomach resting along his side, her top leg hooked slightly around his left one.

“…Do you want to talk?” he asked after a minute or two, breaking the silence. “About what’s bothering you, why you think you might be akumatized?”

She shook her head, effectively nuzzling his collarbone.

He bit his bottom lip. “Okay. That’s okay. You don’t have to talk to me, but…is there anyone else you could talk to? Maybe your parents or Alya or Chat Noir?”

“Adrien,” she replied, sounding fatigued. “This isn’t something I can talk to anyone about. I have to deal with this on my own.”

“No,” he protested. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned from attending school and making friends, it’s that you never have to do something alone. There’s always someone who can help if you just ask. There’s got to be someone you can ask, Marinette.”

“No,” she countered, sounding equally as sure as he had.

With a tired sigh, Adrien relented. “Okay. If you can’t talk about your problem, you can at least talk about your feelings.”

“My feelings?” she echoed uncomprehendingly.

“Mmhm,” he encouraged, lightly running his fingers up and down her spine. “Like, for example, today I felt worried and like things weren’t in my control. I felt a little helpless…embarrassed…scared of rejection…scared of letting a person I care about down…guilty. Your turn.”

“Wait.” She tipped her head to look up at him. “Why are you feeling guilty?”

He shrugged. “I always feel guilty. I mean, here I am in my friend’s girlfriend’s bed. Enough said, right?”

She winced.

“Your turn to talk about your feelings,” he repeated.

She sighed, dropping her head back down to his shoulder. She started off slowly, hesitantly, grasping at the words, but as she kept going, she found that they came faster until they were like an unstoppable tidal wave, flowing out of her with a crushing force. “I…feel…overwhelmed…. Like…everyone is always counting on me…and I need, I need to be perfect because I can’t let them down, and failure isn’t an option, but I’m always on the cusp of failing. And I can’t do this. I can’t do this anymore. I need help, but there’s no one to help. I just have to suck it up and figure it out, and it feels so unfair. Like, no one else has to put up with this. No one else has to constantly balance all the things that people need me to balance, and no one even knows I’m doing this. No one knows, so there’s no wiggle room. No one cuts me any slack. No one realizes what a tremendous weight I’m always carrying around, and…I…It’s crushing me,” she petered out into a small voice, closing her eyes and letting herself go boneless against him.

Somehow, it all felt better in his arms. His scent, his heat, the solidity of his body against hers…it all made things feel just a little bit more okay. Even though she was still mentally alone, having him there physically made the difference she needed to keep herself from losing control.

He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and held her tighter, murmuring, “Oh, Marinette. Why haven’t you ever said anything?”

“What’s the point?” she mumbled, lacking energy. “No one can do anything about it.”

“But sometimes talking makes you feel better, even if there’s nothing you can do to fix the problem. Trust me. I know about problems I lack the power to fix. I mean, case and point: my relationship with my father and my mother’s disappearance. It helps to talk about my feelings,” he confided. “It takes the edge off…. Maybe that’s something you could do too in the future the next time you’re feeling overwhelmed.”

“I don’t want to burden people,” she whispered, feeling guilty for bringing it up.

How could he understand the magnitude of her problems? He didn’t know she was Ladybug. He couldn’t understand the situation. He probably just thought she was whining about stress over insignificant things. Her problems probably seemed small when compared with all he put up with on a daily basis. Adrien had no way of knowing what Marinette was up against.

“It’s not a burden,” he insisted vehemently. “I want you to tell me. I want to hear about your problems. Marinette…don’t you know I love you?” he asked softly, voice suddenly meek. “I want to be by your side, especially when you feel alone and overwhelmed. I want to support you…but if you don’t want me to be the one to do that, please talk to Chat Noir. He loves you too, and if he knew you were struggling, he’d say the same things that I just did. We’re here for you.”

Marinette curled up even tighter against him as the tears started to fall once more. “You both already have so much going on with your own lives.”

“There’s room for you,” he assured in a warm whisper, giving her a squeeze. “We have space. We have time.”

She choked on a sob. “I don’t deserve you. Either of you.”

“Oh, Marinette,” he sighed into her hair. “No. It’s the other way around. We both feel so lucky to have you.”

She pushed herself up on his chest to look him in the face, eyes dull yet intent. “Do you really? You were just talking earlier about all the things wrong between us.”

His brow scrunched uncomprehendingly. “What? What are you talking about?”

“I know you’re not happy with things like this, Adrien,” she replied bitterly and yet resigned. “I know you want a real girlfriend you can take to dinner parties and go on dates with and actually tell people you’re dating. I know you’re not happy being my dirty little secret. I know this whole situation with me is eating away at you.”

He opened his mouth to refute her claims, but he couldn’t think fast enough.

She continued, dropping back down so that her ear rested over his heart and he could feel her tears falling on his chest, “And poor Chat Noir. All he wants is to take me on ridiculously romantic dates. Because of the way things are with secret identities, that can’t happen until Papillon is defeated…and he doesn’t even know that I’m cheating on him. I am the worst.”

“You are not,” Adrien insisted indignantly, all the while thinking, “I am. I’m the worst for getting you into this mess”.

Marinette shook her head. “I never meant for this to happen.”

“Me either,” Adrien sighed, sliding his fingers through her hair, gently pulling out her hair ties so that he could wrap soft strands around his fingers. “Marinette…things can’t go on like this. We need to do something.”

She laughed bitterly. “Like what? Adrien, I’ve been trying to break things off with you for how many months now? …and it just feels like we keep getting deeper and deeper entrenched. What am I supposed to do?”

“Let Chat Noir tell you who he is,” he suggested, internally praying that she’d let him break this hellish cycle they were caught in. “Then you could date openly, and you wouldn’t have to sneak around with me anymore.”

Marinette lifted her head to glare up at him. “You know who he is, don’t you?”

“Haven’t the foggiest.” Adrien managed to deliver the line with a completely straight face. “Please let him tell you.”

She groaned, burying her face in his neck. “Adrien, I can’t do that. The safety of Paris depends on it.”

“Screw Paris,” Adrien scoffed. “I care more about you.”

She blew out a tired sigh. “No. It’s not happening.”

“Okay. Then…you need to break up with him and date me,” Adrien decided, moving down the list of desired outcomes from the most ideal to the ones he could live with.

Marinette flinched, and he could tell she was rejecting the idea outright. “…I couldn’t,” she whispered, exhaustion dripping from the words. “I couldn’t stand not having him in my life.”

Adrien sucked in a deep breath. “Okay…so break up with me.”

She laughed at that, lifting her head to press a delicate kiss to his lips. “I couldn’t,” she repeated, smiling adoringly. “I’ve tried. I’ve tried getting over you so, so many times, Adrien Agreste…. You’re hard to live without.”

He gulped. “Well…you certainly know how to boost a guy’s self-esteem.”

She shrugged, smiling even though it didn’t entirely reach her eyes.

He bit his lip. “Maybe…you need to tell Chat Noir about what’s going on.”

All color faded from her skin, leaving it looking like parchment. “Absolutely not. Adrien, I could never hurt him like that. He can never know.”

“Maybe he wouldn’t mind,” Adrien countered, grasping at wisps of cloud.

She snorted. “Oh, and I suppose you wouldn’t mind if you learned I was secretly making out with-with Luka behind your back?”

Adrien grimaced and had to admit that if his girlfriend really was sneaking around with one of his friends, he would be beyond wrecked.

“See?” It didn’t sound like she derived any pleasure from being right.

“Maybe he’d understand and forgive you at least,” Adrien tried. “Wouldn’t you at least feel better?”

She shook her head slowly. “It’s more important to save his feelings than to assuage my guilt. I couldn’t bear to hurt him.”

“I can’t bear you feeling like this,” Adrien muttered in defeat as he carded a hand through his hair.

Out of the blue an idea occurred to him. “Maybe I should just tell Chat Noir myself. Confess, tell him it was all my fault.”

Marinette gave a start, pushing herself up so that he could see her terrorized expression. “What?! No! Don’t do that! Adrien, we’ll break his heart! He’ll get akumatized!”

“He won’t,” Adrien groaned, going back to feeling defeated because there was no way he could win against this girl.

“He will! And it will be all. My. Fault. Paris will be destroyed! Adrien, I can’t have that on my conscience. You can’t tell him. I will never speak to you again,” she threatened.

“Noted,” he grumbled, going back to playing with her hair.

She breathed a sigh of relief and snuggled back up against him.

They lay there for a while in an uneasy silence, each fretting over their own shortcomings in the relationship.

Marinette was right in the middle of mentally berating herself for being ungrateful when Adrien asked, “What if I’m Chat Noir and I’m just trying to make our lives easier?”

He had an odd quality about his voice. It was slightly pinched, a little tight, as if he were verbally walking a high wire.

Marinette’s brain quickly latched onto the idea and had run a mile with it before logic caught up and she groaned. “Adrien, don’t. That’s not even funny. I’ve seen you two together before. You’re not the same person.”

“Yeah,” Adrien sighed. “Sorry…. Sorry for getting you into this mess.”

“Oh, Adrien.” She shook her head. “I helped enthusiastically.”

She leaned in, gently pressing her lips to his.

He kissed back, eager to lose himself in her and forget the complicated situation that was their relationship.

[eryiss]

Request: Portrait of a Lightning God

Summary: With a crappy job and no financial support, Laxus needs money. On Bickslow and Evergreen's advice, he goes for an audition to model for the reclusive painter Freed Justine. A man he knows nothing about, but finds himself enthralled by. [Fraxus One Shot]

This was part of a prompt based request thing I'm doing, based off of a request where Freed is a painter and Laxus is a model. It was made by Tumblr user: @alex-is-wily. I hope you all enjoy and if you have a request please leave a comment or maybe go to the ask box.

You can read this on FanFiction, Archive of our Own, or under the cut. Hope you enjoy it ^.^

Portrait of a Lightning God

Laxus couldn't quite believe he had resorted to this.

He was standing in an art studio, with another man looking him up and down. This was a situation unfamiliar to Laxus, and one far from his comfort zone. The man inspecting him didn't seem to be at all bothered by Laxus' discomfort, either because he had been in this situation before and was used to it, or simply because he was the type of man who didn't take other people's feelings into account. Laxus hoped it wasn't the latter; if this went well, the two men would be spending a lot of time together.

That was the nature of being a painter's model.

The whole thing was Bickslow and Evergreen's idea. Since leaving college, Laxus had been unemployed and using his family's money to get by. Apparently Makarov had gotten sick of that and cut him off. The only job Laxus had managed to get hadn't paid well, just enough to keep him in his apartment and eating. But it was unstable. His friends' solution was to pick up some extra money by modelling.

He had immediately discounted the idea, but they had been prepared; very prepared. They'd found an ad online from a painter needing a model for an upcoming painting. They had done a background check on him; the artist was respected, and previous models had only good things to say. They'd even gone so far as to contact him so they could get a better understanding of what Laxus would actually need to do. Apparently it should take four sessions, it would happen in the countryside, and would involve no nudity; Evergreen apparently knew that would have been one of Laxus' first questions.

There was no reason to say no. Annoyingly.

So now he stood in the painter's studio, allowing the man to inspect him. Laxus wasn't entirely sure what the inspection was for, as he had already sent the man pictures of himself and had been accepted for the job. Based on the multiple poses Laxus had been told to make – all just different ways of standing – he assumed this was a brainstorming session.

"Cross your hands in front of you and look down," The painter instructed, and Laxus complied.

He had looked into who the man was. His name was Freed Justine, he was a growing name in the art world (if the articles about him were to be believed) and apparently favoured landscapes to anything with an actual person in it; there was obvious exceptions, but not many. His private life was something of a mystery, apparently, and he had gained the reputation of a recluse.

Laxus hadn't accepted that and had also gotten in contact with one of Freed's previous models; a woman named Mirajane. She spoke highly of him, both as a painter and as a person, and had encouraged Laxus to try it out. From their conversation, Laxus surmised he was a good man, but could be standoffish. He was certainly seeing that.

A small hum broke Laxus' thoughts.

"I think that might be it," Freed said, apparently to himself. "You can relax now."

Laxus did so and looked behind him towards the painter. He had walked to a drafting table and sketched a quick figure in the same pose that Laxus had just taken. It only took a few moments and was nothing more than a series of lines and ovals, but it was certainly Laxus; the blonde couldn't help but be impressed.

"You said that you're free on Wednesdays and the weekends, correct?" He asked, looking towards Laxus.

"Yeah," Laxus nodded. "The other days I start at eight and finish at five."

"Okay. I'll email you the time and places ill require you, and I'm sure we can discuss our meetings further that way," He stood up and reached into his back pocket, pulling out his wallet. Laxus frowned as he picked out a selection of notes and offered them to him; it was around a hundred dollars altogether.

"I didn't think I was getting paid for today?" Laxus asked; not yet taking the money.

"I need you in certain clothing; a black exercise shirt and black jeans. I could attempt you guess your sizes, but this seems easier," He offered the money again. "Make sure its high-quality fabrics, and if this isn't enough tell me and I'll reimburse you for what I owe."

"And if it comes under?"

"Consider it a bonus," Freed shrugged. "I'd appreciate it if you got them quickly, though. Ideally I'd like to start on Saturday."

"Sure," Laxus nodded. "There anything else you need from me?"

"Not today. As I said, I can email you with the details of where you'll need to be and when," Freed placed his pencil down and looked Laxus in the eye for the first time. He was smiling a little. "I look forward to working with you, Mr Dreyar."

"Err, you too," Laxus muttered awkwardly.

Freed didn't walk Laxus to the door, but the blonde didn't care. As he walked, he played with the money in his pocket absently; this was the most disposably income he'd had since being cut off. And definitely too much for what Freed had wanted him to buy. He decided that he would buy the clothes immediately; he'd use some of the remaining money on getting a pizza or something for his dinner. It would be great not eating something not from a microwave.

After leaving the studio, he thought about Freed. Mirajane had been right; he could be blunt and seemingly uncaring, but he wasn't exactly rude. And logic dictated the more time they spent together, the less awkward it would be. It wouldn't be nearly as bad as Laxus had expected it to be.

The guy had a nice smile, too.

-~---~-

If it hadn't been obvious from his studio, Freed had an incredibly keen creative eye.

This was the only conclusion Laxus had made when he first saw where he would be modelling. He had managed to find a small, private lake outside of the city. It had an old wooden dock on it which, which looked at from a certain angle, stood directly in front of a large mountain. He had managed to find this location, and gotten permission to use it, within three days. It was… incredibly impressive to do so.

After Freed had explained what he wanted Laxus to do – stand on the edge of the dock in the same pose he had done in the studio – the blonde had asked why he hadn't organised a location beforehand. Apparently he had, and the original idea had been to paint him on the top of a city rooftop, but Laxus was better suited to a more natural environment, as he was a more earthy figure. Laxus didn't know if this was a compliment, an insult or just an observation, so he decided just to ignore the comment and do what the painter wanted.

That had been over an hour ago, they hadn't spoken since.

Laxus hadn't known any creative people in his life, so didn't know what exactly to do. He had decided that he would remain quiet, staying in the pose, as this was safe. Freed seemed level headed, but artists could be volatile and Laxus didn't want to risk angering the man. His work has staff rescheduling and Laxus knew he was at risk, so money was tighter than normal.

It was boring, but not difficult work. The post wasn't taxing on his body, and Freed had allowed him a single earphone so he could at least listen to music. It was essentially as expected. He was standing still; Freed was painting him.

"I should apologise," Freed spoke suddenly, and Laxus almost broke the pose.

"Why?" He asked after a few seconds to think.

"I was not welcoming when you came to my studio," Freed explained, and Laxus glanced at him. he was still painting. "When your friends contacted me, they explained this wasn't something you've done before, and you might not be comfortable. I didn't take that into account, that wasn't fair of me."

"You don't need to worry about that," Laxus placated.

"Perhaps," Freed agreed, and Laxus frowned a little. "But still, I apologise. I've been stressed for the last few months and I haven't been the most respectful person."

"Well, don't beat yourself up over it," Laxus assured him. He waited a moment before speaking again. "What's got you stressed out?"

"I have an exhibition in a month, it's in the biggest gallery in town. Well, other than museums, but they hardly count if you're an artist with an actual pulse," Freed explained, and Laxus chuckled. "But it's high profile, and I have to please them to keep in good faith. They want twenty exhibits altogether, and I'm not as prepared as I would like to be."

"You far behind?"

"I've finished sixteen of the twenty so far."

"That ain't too bad," Laxus said, glancing up at Freed again. He still hasn't stopped painting despite their conversation, so it wasn't too much of a distraction. "When did you start?"

"Eight months ago," Freed sighed, and Laxus winced a little. That meant about an average of two paintings a month, and now he had a month to do four.

"That could be worse," Laxus attempted to assure him, and Freed stopped painting to look at him with a slight raised eyebrow. His tone must not have been convincing. "Do you think you can make it."

"I'm sure I can," Freed sounded resigned. "I just don't want to sacrifice quality."

"Well, I'm sure whatever you do, you'll manage to make it good," Laxus was surer of his words now. "From what I've seen of your stuff, you're pretty good. And the critics seem to like you, especially that Jason guy. He just couldn't stop talking about how great you are."

"He' an enthusiastic man," Freed chuckled. "But still, this exhibition is like a test. Artists who had better respect than me tried filling that hall. If it doesn't work, they were classed as over-hyped and forgotten by the end of the month. I'd rather than not happen with me."

"Well, good luck I guess," Laxus didn't know what else to say. But the quiet was deafening. "And you really don't need to worry about upsetting me; I can take a bit of rudeness. I was a pretty big asshole as a teenager, it'd be hypocritical if I was sensitive about it."

"I suppose it would," Freed nodded, before smirking a little over his canvas. "Well, I'll be sure to treat you like dirt then, if that's what you want."

"Can't picture that," Laxus challenged, glancing up again. "I mean you felt so guilty about making me uncomfortable. I mean you must have been worrying about it the moment I left the door, ya might have even lost sleep. But sure, if you wanna upset me, you try your best."

"Don't misinterpret my politeness as being passive. It will not end well for you," Freed warned, and Laxus let out a single laugh. "Unrelatedly, that pose isn't working. You seem to be healthy enough unless your muscles are simply for vanity. Perform a handstand, quick as you can. I'm sure a man like you can sustain it for a few hours."

Laxus laughed, waited a few seconds and glanced at Freed. The artist was looking at him expectantly, no sign of a joke on his features. Laxus broke the pose, a little disbelieving.

"You're serious?" His voice was a little panicked.

A moment passed before Freed smirked again and looked down to his canvas. Laxus let out a little breath of relief before laughing and getting back into the pose. He was smiling this time and hoped that it wouldn't ruin the painting in anyway, because he couldn't seem to fight it. At least he felt a lot more comfortable now.

"Asshole," He laughed.

"I suppose," Freed agreed, and that made Laxus smile wider. "But if you doubt me again, I can assure you I'll follow through with any threats I make. You'll find my desire to be spiteful supersedes my desire to be successful."

"I don't doubt it," Laxus laughed again.

He smiled for the rest of the session.

-~---~-

The more Laxus got to know Freed, the more he liked him.

Over the weeks they had been meeting up for the modelling sessions, they had spoken a lot. Sometimes about Freed, sometimes about Laxus, and sometimes about whatever came to mind. The sessions had lasted hours, so it was hard to remember what exactly all their conversations had been about, but Laxus enjoyed them all. Freed made him laugh, made him feel comfortable, and made him look forward to their sessions together. He loved being around the other man.

He didn't need to go to every session anymore, but he still did. Apparneltly Freed had drawn him first and had planned to do the background after; his usual way of painting models. But Laxus insisted that he be there just in case he needed to make an adjustment and needed him there. It was an excuse, Laxus just enjoyed Freed's company.

Maybe Freed knew this. Laxus didn't mind if he did.

Laxus had grown attracted to Freed and thought perhaps Freed felt the same way. He hadn't spoken about it; he wasn't the type to let his feelings be known. Certainly not when there was a risk of fucking things up between the two of them. Being friends was better than nothing.

But still, the blonde couldn't help but think that maybe something was happening between them. Freed hadn't once questioned why Laxus wanted to be there when he didn't need to be and seemed to welcome the company. They'd gone to coffee a few times, once after a session and once just because Freed had offered. Even as he watched Freed paint, it didn't exactly feel platonic. Though the wine the two were drinking might have contributed to that.

God, were they having a picnic weren't they? This was close to being a date. That was too much to think about.

A he glanced to Freed, he frowned a little. He had noticed that the conversation was somewhat one sided. He had put it down to Freed being engrossed in his work, it had happened from time to time. But previously, Freed hadn't worn the worried expression on his face. His hands hadn't been tensed. And he hadn't drunk three glasses of wine within a two-hour period.

"Okay," Laxus sighed after a while, taking the paintbrush out of Freed's hand. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Freed said immediately.

"Fucking lie to me again, Justine. See what happens?" It was perhaps a little confrontational. But Freed could be a closed book when he wanted to be, and Laxus was slightly buzzed from the wine. It seemed to work, as Freed's facial expressions went from challenging to resigned.

"It's just… I haven't had this much trouble painting something in a while. It's bothering me," Freed sighed, looking at his painting.

Laxus couldn't agree with Freed, the painting looked great. Only half of the background was completed, but it was done very well. And the figure that he had been modelling for looked great as well. Perhaps he was just the type of person who was overly critical of their work, although that didn't seem consistent with what he knew about the man. Freed had a lot of confidence in himself and wasn't the type to shy away from his own pride.

"What can I do to help?" He asked; he was better at solutions than sympathy. "I can get back up there and see if that helps."

"Perhaps. Thank you."

Laxus nodded and walked to the small wooden dock. He got back into his pose and didn't speak for a while, knowing that it would help Freed get back into a creative mindset. Glancing up without moving his head, he saw that Freed was painting again, so decided that remaining quiet would be for the best. Freed's deadline from the gallery was getting closer, and it was only fair he did what he could to help him out.

He looked down again and allowed Freed to paint. This continued for a little while – around ten minutes, if Laxus was guessing correctly – until Laxus heard a small scuffling sound. He frowned and looked up. As he did so, Freed shouted.

"Fuck!" His voice echoed as he stepped over his upturned easel.

Freed hadn't sword often, and the visceral tone in which he had said it shocked Laxus. He left the dock immediately and walked to Freed, who had chosen to pace around the small clearing of dirt that he and Laxus had been sitting on. His jaw was clenched tight, eyes unblinking, and breath slightly audible. He was clearly incredibly stressed out.

"Woah," Laxus said, grabbing Freed by the shoulders and stopping him. "What happened?"

"It's wrong," Freed snapped. "When I started it, I thought I had the idea down. But I don't, and I've been painting it wrong basically since we began. This was meant to be the focus point of the exhibit, and it's a conventional piece of bullshit. A child could have done this."

Laxus would disagree, but Freed didn't need that. "Can you fix it?"

"Not without starting over," Freed sighed.

"Well, what exactly would you do differently, what's wrong with it?" Laxus asked. Maybe if Freed explained why he didn't like it; he would figure a way to fix it.

"There's no personality in it. No honesty. There's none of-" Freed cut himself off, before thinking a moment. "There's none of you in it. not really."

"What d'you mean."

"I mean… I decided to stage it here because I thought nature reflected who you were, do you remember that?" Laxus nodded. "Well, look at it. You can't see your face, you're in a pose I chose before I knew anything about you, you're in clothes that I chose for you. It doesn't reflect who you are even slightly. You're supposed to be the focus of the exhibition and I've made it so you could be replaced by basically any man in the country."

That was… a lot. Laxus hadn't known he was important in Freed's exhibition; he really had just thought that he was just the model for one of the paintings. Obviously Freed had thought otherwise, and just hadn't mentioned it.

"Okay," Laxus said after a moment. "We've got a week left. That enough time to start again with a new idea?"

"Don't be-"

"Is it enough time?" Laxus asked again.

"It's…" Freed sighed, thinking. "I could paint something in a week, and it could be good. But I'd have to work almost constantly, and you've actually got a job so… It just wouldn't be feasible."

"I'll quit," Laxus shrugged, and Freed's head snapped towards him. "I'll quit, then I can be here as much as you need me."

"What?" Freed asked, apparently blind sighted.

"The boss says three people are getting laid off at the end of the month anyway. He hates me and I'm not great at what I do, so I'm basically gone already," Laxus shrugged. "Why give them any more of my time, right?"

"And if you're wrong."

"Hate working for the place anyway. This would've been the kick I needed to get out and move on."

Freed waited for a moment, thinking. "Are you sure?"

"I wouldn't have offered if I didn't," Laxus assured, and the tone he spoke left no room for argument.

"Thank you," Freed smiled, and Laxus' stomach flipped.

He would do perhaps anything for that smile.

-~---~-

The difference between Freed when he had his freak out and how he was after he restarted his picture was like night and day. It was almost jarring, but Laxus was loving it. To see him so content, wrapped up in his creativity, was a sight to behold.

Laxus would stay here forever if he could.

There was a clear difference between the first painting and this, particularly in how Laxus was posing. Freed had insisted he wear his favourite outfit, and Laxus had complied. He was dressed in tattered combat boots; the same black jeans he had brought with Freed's money (they'd quickly grown to be his favourite); a purple shirt he'd owned for a while; and his long fur lined coat. Bickslow had seen him before he left that day, and claimed the outfit was quintessential Laxus.

Freed seemed pleased with Laxus' choice and smiled when he first saw him. The only adjustments he had made was requesting Laxus unbutton his shirt, so his stomach and chest were visible, apparently making Laxus seem more in tandem with nature. Laxus had done so without argument.

It was funny. If he had been told that would be his outfit when he met Freed, he would have turned down the job offer without hesitance.

His pose was different too. No longer was he looked down with his hands crossed. Instead his right arm was raised straight into the air and his fist was clenched, and he was looking directly at Freed; he compared it to looking down the lens of a camera. He was no longer standing on the dock anymore, instead he was on the shore of the lake, the water reaching to the middle of his shins. The tail of his coat pooled around him, and the chill was obvious, but he didn't care.

The speed in which Freed was painting was faster than he had in all of their time in the first version of the scene. And all throughout, Freed had been talking and smiling. Laxus hadn't realised that the longer they had worked on the first painting, the more subdued Freed had become. Now, he seemed more alive again.

Laxus was relishing in it.

"So," Laxus asked, keeping the smirk on his face as he spoke. Freed had requested the expression as well. "You gonna let me see anything today?"

They had been doing this for days, but Freed hadn't once shown Laxus what he had painted. With the first version he hadn't been shy of showing Laxus, but apparently this was different. When he had asked Freed why this was, he had been told that this was an honest reflection of how Freed saw Laxus, and that Laxus could see it only when it was complete. Laxus understood why this was but found himself craving an insight as to how Freed saw him.

"Potentially," Freed said, and Laxus' heart quickened. When he had asked before, the answer had been a flat no.

"Really, you're close to being finished?"

"I think so. Close enough that I might show you, at least," Freed smiled a little, and Laxus felt a thrill go through him. "We'll probably have to come back here tomorrow though, to finish on the finer details. So don't expect a day off."

"You're harsher than my old boss, y'know that?" Laxus laughed.

"I take it as a compliment."

Again, Laxus laughed before setting his face into the expression that Freed wanted from him. Even with the arm raised into the air, he hadn't had any trouble holding the pose; although his workouts had suffered slightly on his arm. Perhaps he was being sentimental, but he thought that maybe this was because he was looking directly at Freed's face, and watching the artist's content expression as he worked was hypnotic. The first day he had been posing for hours – with breaks, Freed wasn't so cruel as to keep him still constantly – and it had gone by in the blink of an eye.

That was an issue that plagued them both again, as time seemed to be rushing by. The two kept talking as Freed worked, and Laxus was in a constant battle to keep a smile from beating out his smirk. It was almost therapeutic; a sensation helped by the slight movement of water and the ambience of the nearby insects.

This relaxation broke at the sound of thunder.

Both Freed and Laxus perked at the sudden rumbling, and Laxus looked behind him. Clouds had formed above them, and it looked as though it was going to start raining. Laxus frowned a little at that.

"You think we should call it a day?"

"Probably safest," Freed said, already standing up and removing the painting from the easel.

They were quick to get back to the car, as they felt the first drops of light rain hit their skin. It wasn't heavy yet – not nearly heavy enough to damage the painting – but they both wanted to be sure. Laxus was quick to put the easel and paints that he was carrying into the trunk, securing them so that they wouldn't move around and be damaged as Freed drove. They had done this before, and had it down to a fine art.

But as the rain got heavier, their routine was disrupted slightly. Freed handed Laxus the painting without a word, and Laxus took it without thinking. It took him a moment to realise that, with Freed giving it him, it was also giving him permission to see it. he held it out under the protection of the trunk's door, and his breath hitched.

It was fantastic.

In his hands, Laxus held the only piece of art he truly cared for. He was at a loss for words as he looked at the detailed mixture of colours and inks and paints, all stemming from Freed's talent.

The painting focused on him. He was standing in the lake, arm raised to the sky, surrounded by nature. But it wasn't just a recreation of what Freed had seen. Thunderous clouds had been painted in the sky, almost swirling despite being still. A beam of erratic, powerful looking lightning slammed from the sky, hitting Laxus' raised fist and stammering down his arms. Flicker of lightning danced across any exposed part of Laxus' skin that could be seen and reflected off the lake. The colours around him were somewhat subdued and natural, but he seemed vivid and bright. His eye practically shone on the page.

"What do you think?" Freed asked, and he almost sounded nervous.

"It's fucking…" The words wouldn't come to Laxus. "It's amazing. You erm- You said you wanted to reflect more of me in this one, right?"

"I did," Freed nodded, voice still a little nervous. But he was calm. "When I look at you, Laxus, I see lightning. I- if I'm honest with myself, I see someone sharp, fast, exhilarating, powerful. You overwhelm me, Laxus. You are electrifying in a way that I can't quite put into words. I hope my art can make up for that."

Laxus still held the painting, looking at it with wide eyes. The rain beat down on his back, but he paid no mind to it. Freed thought he was overwhelming. Ironic, considering that was exactly how Laxus felt.

"Does it have a name?" Laxus asked, voice a little hoarse.

"I wish to call it 'The Lightning God.'"

That was the final straw for Laxus. He placed the painting in the trunk of Freed's car, stalked towards the artist and wrapped his arms around him. One snaked around Freed's waist, the other placed on the back of the man's head. He pushed their bodies together and pressed his lips against Freed's into a soft, passionate kiss. The rain beat down on the two men as Freed also moved, leaning into Laxus and kissing back.

That moment was timeless, and Laxus' senses were on fire. He could feel exactly what Freed had described. Everything was sharp and exhilarating and overwhelming and electric. Laxus couldn't have hoped for more.

As they kissed, thunder roaring around them and crackled of electricity lighting up the sky, Laxus saw the accuracy of the painting's title. If Freed thought that Laxus was the lightning in the painting, then Laxus deemed Freed the God. He was the creator, the man who had brought beauty to the world in his actions. What better god could there be?

And, as the painting had clearly proven, beautiful things happened when you mixed lightning and a god.

[carereg]

Hi! So I’ve got a problem.... in the past couple of months, I’ve been struggling with regressing, mostly due to the fact that I’ve been stopping myself, telling myself that I shouldn’t and being quite negative about it (as in “I don’t deserve to regress”, as stupid as it sounds). But in the past month, it seems like my brain is telling me to regress and I kinda can’t control it anymore. Like, I’ll “suddenly” regress, even in situations where I shouldn’t, like work for example. (1/?)

And even if I’ve managed to hide it quite well (I think), I haven’t really managed to make myself be big again. It’s as if there’s a mental block, keeping me little. And I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t make myself regress at times when it would actually be okay for me to be little (like when I’m alone in bed) and I can’t make myself “unregress” when I’m little and I’m not so convenient situations. Do you have any advice for what I should do? (2/?)

I’d like to avoid having problems because of this.... and I’d like to stop being so negative about my little side but I don’t know how, and it’s something that regularly comes back.... also, this has nothing to do with the rest of the ask, but is there any reason why I apparently didn’t follow you anymore? I just noticed it today but I don’t remember unfollowing you at any point. Has this happened to other people? (3/3)

~ ☔️ ~ ☔️ ~ ☔️ ~ ☔️ ~ ☔️ ~ ☔️ ~ ☔️ ~ ☔️ ~ ☔️ ~

First, I want to quickly address the following issue. I know for sure we didn’t block you, even temporarily. (I recognize your account, and I think we might actually be mutuals on my agere blog) That had to be a tumblr glitch. Sometimes I notice that it takes a few tries for tumblr to remember that I’m following someone. When I visit a blog, it initially comes up as if I’m not following, but if I leave and come back a few times, it corrects itself. It’s possible that that’s what happened to you, or that tumblr has a new glitch I haven’t seen, yet.

Moving on to the actual ask, I think that your mind may be forcing you into a state that it sees as comforting and safe because it’s under so much stress. Without using your coping skills, you may not be able to adapt to stress as well as you normally could, forcing your mind to try and take action for you. It also sounds like there might be other things going on that your mind wants to protect you from, like those thoughts of guilt or unworthiness telling you that you don’t “desserve” to regress.

While you deffinitely do desserve to regress, I want you to know that this is not a stupid issue, nor are you being stupid. It’s important because it’s affecting you, and you’re at a point where you‘re self aware enough to recognize these thoughts as negative and illogical. That’s a really good sign! You’ve also been able to ask for help, which isn’t always easy. You did a really good job, just getting this far, and I want you to remember that.

As for fixing this, there are a few ways I wanna come at this. They can be done in whichever order you feel will help you the most, or even at the same time.

I want you to seek out other coping skills. Regression is an amazing coping skill and stress reliever, but it isn’t the only one. If you can’t regress, one of the best things you can do is to find something that can (temporarily) replace it. Look at positive coping skills you used before you started regressing, or try a new one. Take things that you do that make you feel safe or help you relax and do those things more often. You may even be able to cope using a different regression space such as pet regression, or a similar coping skill like age or pet dreaming. None of this means you’re abandoning your regression, just that you need help now and regression isn’t able to help you right now.

Find ways to help you regress. There are a million and two posts on how to help someone regress, and I think I’m gonna link some in a reblog, for you after I post this. Personally, when I was dealing with feelings of pain or guilt surrounding my regression, what helped the most was to ease into it and remind myself that those feelings weren’t warranted. Age dreaming was a very useful tool, because it gave me more control over the situation and allowed me the presence of mind necessary to fight my negative thoughts in the moment. Agedre also got me used to being little, again, and helped remind me that being little isn’t a bad thing.

That leads me to my final tip: find the source of the negativity and adress it. Are the thoughts of not desserving to regress coming from low self esteem or self worth? You may want to address that with a therapist or find ways to raise your self esteem on your own. Are they coming from a misguided expectation that you need to have suffered xyz trauma in order to regress and that your reasons aren’t “good enough?” Regression is for everyone. It’s not gated by trauma or any other factors affecting why or how you regress. Trauma itself isn’t gated, either. If you did suffer a trauma, but worry that it wasn’t “enough,” I want you to know that that just isn’t the case. Everyone who has suffered a trauma has suffered, and there’s no use in trying to quantify or compare that suffering. Remind yourself of this, have someone else remind you, create mantras or affirmations, do whatever you need to do to be able to believe it.

Is the negativity not just about “desserving” to regress, but about regression or littleness, itself? Has the stigma of being “immature,” or the f3tisization of an adult being childish gotten in your head? (Even for people who participate in or support cg1 and similar k!nks, the idea that something you do nonsexually, and without ties to k!nk is somehow inherently s3xual or k!nky can be pretty damaging.) Remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with your regression. That this is a coping skill, a way to feel safe, to relax, or have fun, and that there’s nothing wrong with any of that. You aren’t shirking responsibilities, and in fact, regressing at appropriate times can help you function better in the rest of your life. Remind yourself that you define your regression, not @ntis or others who see all littleness through the lense of cg1. They cannot make your regression s3xual, because it’s your regression, not theirs. They cannot define it because you know it so much better than they do.

I hope this helps, and that things get better soon. Keep fighting, ok? And feel free to send more asks or to contact me at my mod blog, @mod-kay , or my personal blog @liltotlilone , whether it’s for more advice, or just to talk. Good luck.

-Mod Kay 💝

[adonis-koo]

Idk what’s wrong with tumblr When I searched you on the search engine nothing comes up so I had to go to my following list and click your name :T

I know baby I’m sorry! I’m not able to access my DMs on this blog or my group chats either! I’ve already contacted Tumblr Support but they haven’t gotten back to me yet. There’s not much I can really do about this :( I looked around a little last night and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one this is happening too so hopefully it’ll get fixed soon!

[ardentlythieving]

HEWWO EVERYBODY IT’S END OF YEAR RECAP TIME WITH ME: UR PAL ARDO

First of all if ur reading this, merry christmas if u celebrate it and happy holidays if u don’t!!! Y’all are amazing people and I hope this time of year is a good one for you, and if it’s not I hope you find the time to do smth nice for urself!!

Dam this year has been crazy tho. I mean if ur dash is anything like mine you’ve prob seen all those posts talking about how long this year has felt re: the sheer amount of stuff happening. But on a more individual level there’s some stuff I wanna say I guess so in no particular order here is my Thoughts™ coz there’s been some good, some bad, and some weird this year. 

So, this year has been a kind of wild one for me in terms of things changing. The big one being that I started university and kinda lost contact with most of my pals from high school. All goods tho, coz I met some amazing new people thru tabletop gaming who idk if I’m at the friends point with yet, but I defo wanna try and get there coz they’re cool as heck. It’s true what people say that starting university is a big change coz DAM things have been wild and hopefully are gonna keep being wild next year espc coz one of my online friends is moving down to start at my university and I’m super excited to meet her in person!! Speaking of meeting people in person I finally got to hang out with @chipmunkwithwings at her place and that was one of the highlights of my year for sure! She’s a super cool person and that week was just utterly brilliant.

Anyways while we’re on the topic of friends this year sure has been exciting for that as well. I’ve made some amazing new ones, gotten closer with some older ones, had some drift apart and thru it all I’ve learnt something important. Namely that, there’s nothing wrong with the friends I had before, but I’ve felt so much better and it’s just been so much healthier for me now I’ve also started pursuing and focusing on friendships with people around my age. It sounds weird to say, but despite having a good collection of close friends there was a part of me that was lonely, and that part has kinda stopped being so much now not all my friends are 10ish years older than me. 

That’s one thing I’ve discovered, but this year has been a big one for discovery for me. I tried a bunch of different papers and found out that I hate international relations and love philosophy. I’ve started learning Swedish!! And probably the biggest and most important discovery: thanks to my friends telling me “dude you really need to do this” I’ve gotten on anti-depressants!!! Which have really been helping me so much. That’s probably.... my biggest regret is that I didn’t get on them a few years ago. Still, I’m on them now and my head is just working so much better. Also, and I’ve talked about this in an earlier post so if you wanna kno deets you can go read it, I properly I guess remembered? stopped repressing? how a friend abused me a few years ago and started working thru the issues I have because of that.  

At this point I’m gonna put things under a cut coz this is where shit is gonna get long. 

Some letters, to the people I’ve known this year. I know a LOT of people so I’m prob gonna not mention anyone so if I don’t mention you: I love y’all. Ur so so fucking brilliant all of u and I’m honored to know you and to have had this chance to be in contact with y’all. I’m deeply sorry for any way I might have wronged you over this year, and if any of you wronged ME I forgive you entirely. If any of you haven’t really talked to me, but want to; or if we’ve drifted outta contact and you wanna pick things back up or ANYTHING at all feel free to msg me anytime. My discord is ardentlyThieving#4893 and this is an open invitation to anyone reading this coz there’s a ton of cool ppl on here who I haven’t talked to as much as I’d like. Anyways onto the individual stuff.

To the afternoon gang. You guys all mean so so fucking much to me, more than probably anyone else. Ur my best support network, my greatest pals. Being friends with you all is a fucking delight. I know I’m not always active in our server, but trust me that it’s nothing on you. I’ve enjoyed every moment hanging out with you guys. Or well, most of them at least :P. We have the wildest conversations and trust me, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I know some of you guys have had a hard time this year and I’m so sorry that you guys are going thru that shit coz y’all deserve so much better. It’s my deepest hope that next year is a good one for all of you and if there’s every anything I can do you guys know where to find me. I love you so so so so so much and I hope these last few days of 2018 are as good for you as they can possibly be.

To the people of Eff’s servers. You guys are super duper cool. Being salty with y’all is so much fun and also so deeply annoying that people keep pulling this shit that we gotta be salty about. I love the fact that we can go from shitty meme posting (usually my fault) to having in depth n thoughtful conversations about just about anything (hopefully usually not my fault). Y’all are amazing people and it feels like you’ve all found urselves a bit more this year, which I’m so happy for you about.

To Sakshi. That’s right, u get an individual one. Ur like, my hero. Srsly dude the fact that ur so fucking patient with the utter dumbasses msging you and that u started this whole deep conversation that ur not backing down from? I’m so proud of you, I admire you so much, and you have my utmost support. Hmu if you ever need me to drag someone for you. Also i’m sorry to out you as a gamer to the fine people of tumblr dot com (actually I’m not that sorry) but it’s been so much fun playing swtor with you. And salt watching things with you. I love how fun our friendship is and also how we can have proper deep conversations like 10/10 A+ content. 

To Hammi. Dude you are awesomesauce. My fave lesbian pal. I love memeing with you and gaming with you and chatting with you. Here’s to another great year broski!

To Clare. We’ve only just met at the very end of this year and I’m so glad we did. Ur super cool and funny and I love ur art n posts.

To my swtor guild. Another group of wonderful people who I’ve only just met. i’m so fucking excited to get to know all of you better coz y’all have such great swtor opinions and are so much fun to play with. Sorry about what I did to the Gizka flagship bridge lmao.

To Sofa. DUDE HI! becoming friends with you this year has been one of the highlights. Thank you for all the support you’ve given me and for all the fun times we’ve had. I adore playing video games with you and I fucking love ur swtor ocs. You’ve been there for me so much, and I hope I’ve been there for you as well. Thank you for everything.

To Marie. Yet another person I met later on this year and haven’t had the chance to get so close with. Defo my bad there I need to msg you more often. Thanks for being there for me, even though I was kind of a shitty friend to you at one point. I didn’t deserve ur patience but you gave it to me anyway and I’m so fuckin grateful for that. I hope to make that up to you in the coming year. <3

To Jason. We were tight at the start of the year and kinda drifted apart which I regret. Msg me anytime dude and if you ever reinstall swtor you should totally hmu coz playing it with you was a ton of fun!! 

To Traya. I know we’ve only talked on and off this year, but I’m so excited for you to be at my university and to hang out in person!! Hang in there dude, coz there’s so many cool people for you to meet and take it from me that university really is so much better than college.

Ok this is where the happy positivity ends!! Again I love y’all so much and I hope that next year is better for all of you then this one was!!! Thanks for being pals with me, I appreciate it so much even when I’m not great at showing it.

Coz there’s one more letter I gotta write coz after however many years I want closure. This is where it ends.

To Teri. Wow. I never thought I’d be saying ur name again. Well typing, but w/e. That first year we were friends was so fucking good and I’m glad we had that, coz you were a pretty cool person. I dunno why you decided to change all that and start hurting me and I’m probably never gonna understand but you know what? That’s ok. I don’t need to. You hurt me, I got out. I’m not sure, but I think you were being hurt by people as well and I hope you got out like I did. No matter how badly you treated me you still don’t deserve to be abused urself. Nobody deserves that. I don’t know if I forgive you, and I don’t know if I ever will, but I hope things are better for you now. I’m sorry for the times I wronged you while we were friends. This isn’t me saying I deserved to be abused by you, because I sure as hell didn’t, but well. Two wrongs don’t make a right and ur abuse doesn’t magically erase the times I wasn’t the greatest friend. I thought ignoring the things you did to me would make things better, but instead I let it all fester inside me and change my behaviour without realizing that’s what happened. So this is me letting go of it all. Coz you don’t get to fuckin take anything else away from me. I’m better now than I was then despite everything you did to me. This is me, making a conscious choice to heal and move on and grow. It’s not gonna be easy, but imma do it and it’s gonna be so fucking wonderful. This is Arden signing out because you don’t GET to have any control over my life anymore. Never ever again.

[fuzzynuggetdispenser]

So looking at what I’ve written, I’ve decided that I’ll split this up into 2 posts: a summary of what’s been going on since I’ve been absent from Tumblr (which really is only for my benefit), and what I actually originally came back to Tumblr to post before getting sidetracked by my need to fill the massive gap left since the last time I logged on.

Technically, I’ve had plenty of content to blog about in the past year or so, ranging from dramas related to my personal life, work, general depression and anxiety related to my position in life and feeling like I’m stuck in a rut and unable to achieve my goals etc. I actually had somewhat major surgery on my femur at the beginning of the year. Long story short, I’ve had multiple surgeries on my left leg because of a congenital defect and the one I had at the start of the year is (hopefully) the last one I’ll ever need. I mean, it’s the one with the most obvious results and I’ll probably not need a knee replacement or hyaluronic acid injections in my 30s now that the alignment of my leg bones is no longer at an angle which could cause premature osteoarthritis. Hooray! 

But as necessary as this surgery was, it really messed with my life lol. So I was contacted by the hospital around July/August last year, at the beginning of semester 2 of my second year in my HIM degree and said I’d be scheduled for surgery early August. Considering I was set to go on placement and also have a very long commute to uni, and the recovery would be brutal, my course has a lot of team assignments, AND I’d be on opioids for pain and probably asleep/out of my mind all the time, I decided the best thing to do to not incur unnecessary uni fees was to take leave of absence for the semester since the census date was also early August. Of course not long after submitting leave of absence, the hospital calls to push the surgery back a few months. Infuriating. A few months pass and again, surgery gets pushed back. And again not long later. Reasons included “turns out our special equipment wasn’t ready”, “second surgeon had another surgery booked in”, “somebody else needed emergency surgery and bumped you down the list”. The latter reason was the most acceptable but the first two... like, how do you book a surgery in without making sure the equipment is ready??? And not making sure both necessary surgeons are available? Fucking what. I’m not going to pretend like I even understand how the healthcare system works or how busy it gets but I feel like I was pretty justified in my anger; the recovery time for surgery would be equivalent to a uni semester so pushing everything back was affecting my life progression, big time.    Eventually come January I get the call confirming my surgery for February and honestly, up until the point of my actual surgery, worrying about nothing but my job and social life was nice. Yet my recovery period was kind of rough. Not that my family, partner and friends weren’t great pillars of support during this time... but no longer being able to work while recovering, and the idea of not graduating from my bachelor’s till 2020, when I’m freaking 28, and simply approaching 26 without having travelled or accomplished as much as I want due to all this crap with my health affecting my life, while constantly being on social media and seeing others in my age bracket flaunt their recent entries in the housing market, their numerous overseas trips, their engagements and weddings... yeah, social media is crap and people only post the good aspects of their life, but I couldn’t not feel like an abject failure in the face of everybody else progressing. Didn’t help that when catching up with old friends, while they were talking about their careers, when it came to me it was, “Oh, you’re still at uni?” It just feels crummy. And I know I’ve had legitimate reasons to have not graduated yet, and people change career paths and go back to uni at even later ages, and comparing myself to others is stupid and self destructive, but yeah. It’s gonna happen no matter how bad I know it is for me to do. I’ve been able to walk without crutches since May though, and I return to uni at the end of this month so that’s something to look forward to. I haven’t gotten the OK from my orthopaedic surgeon to return to my old labour intensive job so I’ve been job searching in the mean time. I kinda bombed an interview for a clerical role for a big public hospital and didn’t get the job, and recently had an interview for the same role at a smaller hospital and somehow did worse at that interview ugh lol. But uh, I guess I should end this blog post and start on part 2 before I forget what I really came here for.

[bughead-fic-request]

I would like to thank @leaalda for making these amazing banners.

This is an effort to spread the word about all fan fiction writers in our little fandom. If you would like to be featured or nominate a writer, please contact me. Please reblog this post if you can and check out some of @gellbellshead work!

1. First things first, if someone wanted to read your stories where can they find them.

My stories can be found on my tumblr and my Ao3 account.

2. Tell us a little about yourself.

I am a 32 year old social worker from Australia who enjoys writing in my spare time. I also love reading, colouring, photography and painting. I adore cats and have two of my own.

3. What do you never leave home without?

My keys or phone.

4. Are you an early bird or a night owl?

I HATE early mornings, I was a complete night owl in my younger days but cannot manage much past about 1.00am these days. But definitely more of a night owl than an early bird.

5. If you could live in any fictional world which one would you choose and why?

Not really a fictional world as such but I would love to work in the Brooklyn 99 office, it looks like a hoot.

6. Who is the most famous person you’ve ever met.

I have not really met any famous people. The closest I have gotten is meeting the hosts of a gaming show that used to air over here, until it got cancelled. I got completely tongue tied and nervous so it is probably a good thing that I haven’t met anyone famous. Would probably just embarrass myself.

7. What are some of your favorite movies/TV?

TV: Riverdale (obvs), American Gods, The Handmaid’s Tale, Brooklyn 99, Broadchurch, Misfits, Game of Thrones and Utopia (UK).

Movies: The Lobster, Inception, The Batman Trilogy (Nolan), The Breakfast Club, Stardust, Some Kind of Wonderful, and my guilty pleasure Shaft.

8. What are some of your favorite bands/musicians?

Nothing But Thieves, Temper Trap, Birds of Tokyo, End of Fashion, Years and Years, Muse, HAIM, Peking Duk.

9. Favorite Books?

The Stand by Stephen King, We Were Liars by E.Lockhart, The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness, Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn, The Lunar Chonicles by Marissa Myer and The Girl With All The Gifts by M.R Carey ,

10. Favorite Food?

Burgers, I love a good burger and will travel great distance for one if need be. For sweet stuff it would be trifle.

11. Biggest pet peeve?

People being late. Drives me crazy. Worse is when you are getting a lift with the late person and you just wish they would hurry their ass up.

12. What did you want to be when you were little? What do you want to be now?

I wanted to be a lawyer and on reflection I would have been a terrible one. The job I am doing now is the job I wanted when I first graduated from university and I am very lucky to get to do my job every day. Even though sometimes I feel completely drained and hate it.

13. What are your biggest fears? Do you have any strange fears?

I am scared of clowns. Petrfied, which my co-workers think is hilarious. Last time I went on leave I came back to hidden pictures scattered around my desk, in my files and in the work car. They are evil, evil people. I don’t think it is a strange fear. Being afraid of clowns is 100% justified. I am currently worried everytime I go to the cinema that they will show a trailer for IT which I have so far managed to avoid no matter how many times YouTube or Facebook tries to get me to watch it.

14. When you are on your deathbed what would be the one you’d regret not doing?

Not travelling the world when I was younger and did not have adult commitments. I wish I hadn’t been quite so focused on my education of career in the search for stability and just lived a little more before I sort of settled.

Okay… lets talk about your writing!

15. Which is your favorite of the fics you've written for the Bughead fandom?

It is such a hard, hard, choice, I love most of them for different reasons. Although I look back at some of my earlier fics and cringe a little. I think my favourite would be The Social Worker AU series as it is something that is fun, has a lot of my real world experiences in it and is the closest to my heart.

16. Which was the hardest to write, in terms of plot?

What Fools These Mortals Be, has definitely been my biggest challenge writing wise. Writing a multichapter is so daunting and trying to keep the plot straight in my head as well as getting stuck while writing has been really hard. Thankfully I have my beta @jandjsalmon to keep me on the straight and narrow and help me work through the plot stumbling blocks. Also the angst in this story has driven my crazy and seemingly taken on a life of it’s own.

17. How do you come up with the ideas for you fic(s)? Do you people watch? Listen to music? Get inspired by TV/movies?

I get a lot of ideas for stories while driving in my car, which is a little inconvenient at times ‘cause there is no where to write down the ideas. I also love accepting prompts as it challenges me to write something that I normally wouldn’t or to interpret the prompt in a way that is specific to me.

18. Idea that you always wanted to write but could never make work?

I have always, always wanted to write a supernatural AU but don’t think I would be capable of providing enough back story or develop the world in such a way that it would be believable or interesting to the reader.

19. Least favorite plot point/chapter/moment you’ve written?

Writing a Betty that is romantically interested in Archie has been hell. Everytime I write a chapter for What Fools These Mortals be if there is a delay it is usually because I am stuck trying to write a Betty/Archie scene. They are not my fave to write.

20. Favorite plot point/chapter/moment you’ve written?

The first kiss between Betty and Jughead in my The After Party fic. I had not written a kissing scene is so long and I felt that this one really turned out well and that the tension between the two and their perspectives were well captured.

21.Favorite character to write?

Um, Kevin!!! I love Kevin so, so, so much and he is a lot of fun to write. I love the snarky, yet helpful loving best friend and for me this is Kevin. If there is an opportunity for me to include him in a Bughead story he will be there.

22. Favorite line or lines of dialogue that you've written?

This comes from a recent one shot that I wrote called Let It Burn:

“She would threaten to leave him again and Jughead just prayed that she loved him enough to take him with her.”

This is some foreshadowing of Gladys leaving the Jones family and only taking JB with her. I think the idea of this past version of Jughead questioning his mum’s love for him and care feeds into what happens on the show and I just thought it was kind of powerful in that way.

23. Best comment/review you’ve ever received?

This was recently from @Wescorehearts, she said that my writing made her feel better and I think that really really touched me, to think that my writing could actually make someone feel better is a real honour. There is also a reviewer on Ao3 called Verklempt who most times will comment on my stories but I have no idea who they are. But their reviews always make me laugh. So just in case they see this, Thanks.

24. How do you handle bad reviews or comments?

I’ve never actually had one. But I suppose it depends on if it someone just being nasty for the sake of it or whether it is constructive and a well thought out opinion. In that case I would just acknowledge their opinion, thank them for it and if I can learn from it I would do so. I have had a few comments where an editing mistake has been pointed out which is really helpful cause I do a lot of my own editing and so then I can go back and fix it.

25. If you could change anything in any of your stories, what would it be?

Hmm I think I probably wouldn’t have written the epilogue After the After Party. I did really like where that story finished originally but I had a plot bunny that wouldn’t let go but when I re-read that story I just feel it doesn’t fit so well with the original story.

26. What is your favorite story you’ve ever written? Any fandom?

This is such a hard, hard choice and I think it changes depending on my mood. But I think I would have to say The After Party.

27. What are you reading right now? Both fan fiction and general fiction?

Fanfiction: (I am so behind on my fanfiction reading it is ridiculous, and I keep finding and losing new stories but here are a few that I am subscribed to)

- For a Good Time Call Betty by @mothermaple.

- The Stacks by @malmo722

- Say My Name by Endless Day Dreamin

- Make it Work by @raptorlily

- If I Can’t Have You by @wheninriverdale

- Ever Since New York by @allskynostars

And I’m not really reading any general fiction at the moment, but just finished Battle Royale by Houshan Takami which I really enjoyed.

28. Do you have an advice for writers that want to get into this fandom but might be scared?

Don’t be scared. This is honestly the most supportive fandom that I have ever had the pleasure of being a part of. Everyone is so supportive of each other and helping each other improve and be proud of their work. Plus if you never try you never know.

[appreciatedanhowell]

It's So Meta Even This Acronym

"What, you expect us to say something in summary? You haven't even written the damn story yet," Dan said, scowling. 

"Come on, play along," Phil urged, "There's no reason to get on their bad side." 

"I'm not helping them peddle this stupid thing." 

"I think you just did."

Chapter one

 Word Count: 2.3k 

 Warnings: strong language

 Read on ao3 

Excerpt: Dan poured himself cereal and headed to the lounge, where he flopped onto the couch. He couldn't watch anything new—Phil wasn't up, and probably wouldn't be for a few hours. He settled for an old episode of Steven Universe and started on his cereal. 

 A couple of episodes had played when he realized he was staring at the screen without seeing anything. His bowl was empty, sitting on the coffee table. Again, he shook his head, trying to clear his mind. What had gotten into him? He felt strange the past few days, but it just kept getting worse. Every moment was worse than the last: fuzziness, confusion, disorientation. Maybe he was getting sick. 

Dan sat in his sofa crease, scrolling through tumblr. He had a word document in another window, so he could claim he was writing a script for a video. He scowled as he came across another “rip Dani Snot On Fire” joke. He was really beginning to regret the rebranding. It had seemed so necessary, but it turned out to be so much work. Changing all his social media, changing the links in all his video descriptions, contacting everyone he'd ever done a collab with to ask them to change his information. Maybe he should keep the placentas in the trash but give up on Daniel Howell. It would be months before anyone really knew him as that name…if they ever did. That stupid teenage screen name might stick with him for life, no matter how hard he tried.

He sighed loudly, hoping for sympathy from the man on the other side of the couch. But Phil was absorbed in something on his own laptop and didn't seem to hear. He was still in Star Wars pajamas and Dan had to recheck the time. It was three in the afternoon. They'd been slipping into the habit of slobbing around, sometimes not even changing into real clothes.

Dan realized he'd thought the word “pajamas” instead of “pyjamas”. He shook his head slightly; he'd been spending too much time on the American-dominated internet. He found himself using ‘miles’ and ‘dollars’, too. There was no escaping the Americanisms. Maybe he'd do a video about that. He was certain someone had made a compilation video of every time he used an Imperial measurement or American word. He opened his document of video ideas and jotted it down. He frowned. It was thin, but maybe he could at least shitpost about it.

He stood up and walked to the kitchen, grabbing two glasses of Ribena. He frowned as he walked back to the living room. Wasn't he supposed to be decoupling himself from Ribena? He couldn't—

Wait. He'd said living room. Had he ever said that before in his life? It was the lounge.

He sat the two glasses down on the coffee table. It caught Phil's attention and he mumbled a thanks before grabbing it and drinking. He was actually writing a script for a video. Dan took another drink then stared blankly at his screen.

The day stretched on. Dan started looking for games for their next video. Phil tapped away at his script. There was evening, and there was morning. Tuesday.

Wednesday saw Dan wake up unusually early. He pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes and groaned. Why was he up at—he checked his phone—seven in the morning? There was no reason for this stupid consciousness.

He gave up with a sigh and threw off his greyscale bedcovers. There was no use sitting in bed trying to sleep when he clearly wasn't tired. He shivered as he sat shirtless. It was unseasonably cool for…fall? He frowned. It had taken him several seconds to remember what season it was. What was going on with him lately?

He got dressed—okay, so it was only a t-shirt and sweatpants. But it was better than pajamas. He ran his fingers through his hair and brushed his teeth. Staring into the mirror, he frowned at himself. It had been a weird couple weeks and his face was showing it. Purplish bags sat under his eyes and he looked paler than he should. He splashed water on his face and some color returned to his cheeks. But his complexion was definitely less olive and more pink than usual—he looked like Phil.

Shaking his head, he flipped the light off and shuffled to the kitchen. He poured himself cereal and headed to the lounge, where he flipped on the television. He couldn't watch anything new—Phil wasn't up, and probably wouldn't be for a few hours. He settled for an old episode of Steven Universe and started on his cereal.

A couple of episodes had played when he realized he was staring at the screen without seeing anything. His bowl was empty, sitting on the coffee table. Again, he shook his head, trying to clear his mind. What had gotten into him? He felt strange the past few days, but it just kept getting worse. Every moment was worse than the last: fuzziness, confusion, disorientation. Maybe he was getting sick.

He opened his laptop and pulled up his email, intending to respond to business emails. He had gotten through exactly two when he decided he was fed up with them. There were a few too many pointed “Daniel Howell”s to be entirely professional. Why wouldn't people leave him alone about it?

He logged into his Internet Support Group email for shits and giggles. There were hundreds of thousands of unread messages. But these ones weren't overwhelming. He was under no obligation to answer any of them.

He tried to pick earnest ones to read. The funny ones were best read and reacted to on camera. But he probably wasn't doing another ISG for months anyway, and he liked he use relatively fresh ones when he did, so what did it matter? Whatever. He clicked on another with the subject “Should I go to grad school?”

It explained that this student had just finished her degree and was planning on going to a four-year graduate school. But she was feeling burned out. But there were literally no jobs available in her field with only a bachelor's degree. After a lengthy explanation, she said she had been listening to everyone's advice. Her sister told her to stay in school, but a close friend told her to take a break. And somebody once told me—

Dan broke out laughing. He couldn't stop himself—they'd caught him completely off guard. He wiped the corners of his eyes and starred the email to show Phil.

As if on cue, soft thuds echoed down the hall. Phil was tired, he'd seen that Dan was awake, and so he didn't care that he was all but stomping. He fixed himself a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal and made his way blearily into the lounge.

“Couldn't sleep,” he mumbled by way of explanation. He looked it. His glasses were askew, his hair rumpled, and his mouth set stiffly, as though he'd been grinding his teeth.

“Sorry,” Dan said, moving the television remote to beside Phil's bowl. “Anything you want to watch?”

“This’s fine,” he nodded at the screen and pressed a button to resume the episode that Dan had paused.              

Dan considered showing him the ISG email he'd read, but figured that he'd wait until Phil woke up a little. He wasn't known for his early-morning sense of humor. No, even on the tour, his raven-haired friend—

Dan actually snorted out loud.

“Hmm?” Phil said, not bothering with a full question. Dan shrugged off the feeling of déjà vu.

“Have you ever noticed the fandom leaking into your real life?” Dan asked him. Phil looked blankly at him, so he continued. “Like when you see something on tumblr or read something in fanfiction enough times that you start to incorporate it into the way you think?”

“I don't think so,” Phil said, frowning a little in thought. His voice was still gravelly with sleep. “What happened?”

“I just referred to you as my ‘raven-haired friend’ in my internal monologue,” Dan said, halfway between amused and embarrassed.

“What the heck,” Phil said, laughing. “Stop reading so much fanfic.”

“I know, I know,” Dan said, “Besides, that would require us being friends.” Phil stuck his tongue out at Dan, who just laughed.

“You know, maybe I get it,” Phil said after a moment of thought, “I've seen you portrayed so many times that sometimes I catch myself thinking you're a nice person.”

“What a crock of shit, you never think that.”

“I did once.”

“Psh, when?”

“Do you think I would have wanted to meet you if I knew you were such a dick?” 

Dan reached over and kicked Phil. Not hard enough to hurt, though. Maybe.

The more years that passed, the more they were comfortable teasing each other. They'd grown more secure in their partnership and they'd both become more confident; Dan from 2009 would have been devastated to hear his idol call him a dick.

Then again, Dan thought, 2009 Dan wouldn't have thought his idol would prank him with habanero gummy bears. Or put a banana peel down the back of his shirt on camera. He still hadn't gotten revenge on Phil for that. He'd have to come up with something fittingly awful, but still believable…

Dan spent a few seconds staring at Phil's profile as the latter scrolled away on his laptop. Phil looked tired too. His jaw was still tight. It looked like he'd had several bad nights in a row. Maybe the new house had a gas leak too, Dan thought bitterly. At least it would explain why he felt so strange.

“We should do something,” Dan said suddenly.

“Like what? Why?” Phil asked, surprised, as he looked up from his laptop.

“I don’t know,” Dan admitted, “Something. We’ve been cooped up for too long. It’s weird.”

“We just came back from Vidcon,” Phil reminded him, “Traveling halfway around the world and back isn’t exactly cooped up. And since when do you have a problem staying inside all day?”

“Since the tour,” Dan said, “It’s just one giant letdown since then. Relaxing was good for a while. Now it just feels like nothing.”

“Okay, then, what do you suggest we do?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, let me know when you have an idea.”

“Come on, I know you’re just humoring me. Don’t you want to do something? I feel like I’m imploding.”

Phil sighed and closed his laptop. “Honestly, I’m not exactly sure what you’re on about. You’ve been happy to stay put for months now. Did something change?”

“I don’t know,” Dan admitted, rubbing his forehead, “I feel strange. Like something is different or there’s something in the air. I was kind of hoping you’d know what I mean.”

“Tell you what,” Phil said, “I have the next game picked out. We’ll shoot a gaming video then do something. Get out of the house. Whatever you’d like.”

“Can’t we do it now?"

“No. Work comes first.”

Dan groaned. “Yes, Dad.”

“Stop calling me that!”

“I’ll stop when you stop acting like a dad,” Dan said. He pulled himself off the sofa and started to walk to his room.

“I wouldn’t have to act like a dad if you acted like an adult,” Phil said to his back. Dan looked back and stuck his tongue out at Phil. “You’re proving me right!” Phil said, laughing. He, too, had to drag himself up and to his bedroom.

The gaming video went badly. Humorously badly, hopefully. They’d played GeoGuessr and probably offended a wide variety of viewers. They were both well-traveled; who’d have thought they would do so utterly horribly? Dan had bragged about doing geography at A level and then failed spectacularly. But it was a Dan vs Phil and Phil wouldn’t let his win go to waste, so they’d just have to hope that no one was legitimately offended.

Phil turned the camera off and plugged it in to let the footage upload to the computer.

“So, you wanted to go somewhere?” He asked Dan.

“What about the park?” Dan suggested.

“You hate the park,” Phil pointed out, frowning.

“I changed my mind. Just for a bit, okay? Then we’ll order in tonight.”

“Pizza. And you’re paying.”

“Fine,” Dan said, “But we’re leaving right now. So you can’t weasel out of this.” He walked out of the room to put his shoes on.

“What is with you?” Phil asked to his back, shaking his head.

He followed Dan and shoved his shoes on. The younger man waited at the door, bouncing slightly, impatient. When Phil was ready, they stepped out and began the walk. The wind bit at Dan’s face, but he’d left his jacket at home intentionally.

Maybe if he got cold enough, he’d remember how much he hated being outside. He’d want to go back in and hibernate with his laptop. He’d stop being so restless. Or maybe the fresh air would revive him. He wasn’t sure which he wanted more. Anything to stop this bizarre ambiance that apparently only he could feel.

[lateuponarrival]

hey nice @wakmeupinside tagged me in a question thingy what a cool dude

let’s get started then

the last: 1. drink: coffee w/ french vanilla creamer 2. phone call: uhh? good question. last call in my phone is to some random number 3. text message: in a d&d group chat, about organizing a time to play 4. song you listened to: hmm. the last song i heard intentionally was a vaporwave meme my friend made 5. time you cried: fuck i dunno man?? i think it was like when i first watched “here comes a thought”

have you: 6. dated someone twice: nope 7. kissed someone and regretted it: haven’t kissed anyone in the first place 8. been cheated on: not that i know of 9. lost someone special: whoops yes i have 10. been depressed: not like clinically? but i was in a pretty bad state during middle school 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: i think you have to get drunk for that

list three favorite colors: 12. sky blue 13. lavender 14. soft pink

in the last year have you: 15. made new friends: oh yeah a fuckton like at least 30, this year has been a new record for me 16. fallen out of love: ah well i mean i guess so, depends on what you consider love 17. laughed until you cried: i’ve laughed pretty hard, but not that hard 18. found out somebody was talking about you: mmm yeah couple times 19. met someone who changed you: yea like pretty much everyone i know changes me soo 20. found out who your friends are: mhm 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: i’ve neither kissed anyone nor do i have facebook so that’s a solid no

general: 22. how many of your Facebook friend do you know in real life: oh yeah all of them. i don’t have facebook 23. do you have any pets: four cats and a d&d group 24. do you want to change your name: i haven’t put much thought into it but it would be interesting 25. what did you do for your last birthday: uhh i don’t remember probably nothing 26. what time did you wake up: 11:30 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: DMing a whole bunch of late night shenanigans 28. name something you can’t wait for: the second dlc pack for breath of the wild. gonna be fuckin wild 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: when i walked into the living room a couple minutes ago 30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: probably how ridiculously awkward i am 31. what are you listening to right now: my parents are watching blair witch in the living room, so that i guess 32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: now that you mention it... i don’t think i have 33. something that is getting on your nerves: the fact that i’ve never talked to a person named tom 34. most visited website: definitely Tumblr

random info: 35. moles: three in a triangle shape on my left wrist, one on the center of my right hand 36. marks: nothing significant that i know of 37. childhood dream: uh... if you mean literal dream i remember one about riding down the street in an unfamiliar suv, then at a red light a skeleton breaks in and shoots me 38. hair color: dirty blonde 39. long or short hair: uh yes 40. do you have a crush on someone: i have a crush on everyone 41. what do you like about yourself: mm 42. piercings: nope 43. blood type: this one is weird, but i don’t know 44. nickname: late. turret. uh in real life mainly just people mispronouncing my name. one dude calls me big dick darby as a joke, darby being my last name 45. relationship status: tired 46. zodiac: good concept 47. pronouns: he/him but like use whatever you want i guess 48. favorite TV show: steven universe or rick and morty, basic tumblr trash 49. tattoos: no 50. left or right handed: right 51. surgery: i got stitches on my toe when i was like 3 52. hair dyed a different color: would be fun but no 53. sport: does marching band count 54 wasn’t there, i’ll just make one up here. an interesting hobby: origami 55. vacation: good idea 56. pair of trainers: good for training i guess

more general: 57. eating: probably a good idea 58. drinking: i’d suggest it 59. im about to: answer some questions 60 also isn’t there. favorite blunt weapon: an entire fridge 61. waiting for: my goddamn party to get their shit together and maybe all show up at the same time 62. want: see above 63. get married: thanks for the suggestion but not yet 64. career: computer science/software engineering

which is better: 65. hugs or kisses: uh idk never tried one of the two 66. lips or eyes: eyes. i absolutely love staring at people’s eyes for some reason 67. shorter or taller: man be as short or as tall as you want. makes no difference to me 68. older or younger: uh dude idc i mean i guess being younger is probably better if you had to choose between the two because you have more time but like with other people idc there’s no 69? maybe for the better 70. nice arms or nice stomach: god knows i like a nice tum but if u got good arms i’m completely supportive of your endeavors 71. sensitive or loud: sensitive. i mean i can’t deal with loud people, if you’re loud i’m sure you’re still cool tho 72. hook-up or relationship: relationship?? is this even a question?? 73. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant i ain’t a liftblr blog

have you ever: 74. kissed a stranger: uh i already said like twice i’ve never kissed anyone 75. drank hard liquor: mm no that would be illegal 76. lost glasses/contact lenses: i’m one of those lucky fellows with 20/20 vision, so no 77. turned somebody down: i assume this means for a date? in which case no 78. sex on the first date: no that would be rash and irresponsible imo 79. broken someone’s heart: uhhh not that i’m aware of? but the probability is high 80. had your heart broken: yeah but i mean i’m fine it’s fine 81. been arrested: again, i’m not a liftblr blog 82. cried when someone died: uhh yeah what kind of person doesn’t 83. fallen for a friend: yes probably every single one at some point

do you believe in: 84. yourself: i’m pretty sure i don’t actually exist, on account of living in texas 85. miracles: the whole concept is weird to me 86. love at first sight: hahaa.. 87. santa claus: yes the mystical jolly red man that spends billions of dollars a year to sneak into people’s houses and deliver them mundane items out of the goodness of his heart 88. kiss on the first date: i mean... i believe in it. i definitely believe that it has happened before 89. angels: aside from @squip-is-chilling nah

other: 90. current best friend’s name: there are like over ten so it would be difficult 91. eye color: turqoise 92. favorite movie: oo that one is very difficult. i’ll do a cop-out and say moana

thanks for that time killer, i’ll get back to doing other garbage now

oh yeah i gotta tag people. hmm, how about @squip-is-chilling, @fluffyist, @mentosmorii, @idonutlose (don’t worry about it if you don’t want to)

[shamelessmilkshakepanda-blog]

Columbia Maryland Cheap car insurance quotes zip 21045

"Columbia Maryland Cheap car insurance quotes zip 21045

Columbia Maryland Cheap car insurance quotes zip 21045

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freeinsurancequotes.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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Columbia Maryland Cheap car insurance quotes zip 21045

Columbia Maryland Cheap car insurance quotes zip 21045

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How will a $135 speeding ticket show up on my car insurance?

Will the insurance notice show how fast I was going/how much I had to pay for the ticket?

What is the commission structure for a California Insurance Agent?

I am wanting to see some kind of chart or calculation of how earnings will be calculated in regard to working on commission as a P&CInsurance Agent in Californis

How much will insurance be for a 16 year old in california?

how much will insurance be for a 16 year old in california? lets say i get a bmw or porsche how much will it be?

How much money will I save if I go on my parents' insurance plan?

Ok, so I did hear that if I go under my parents' insurance plan that it would be a lot cheaper. If it is cheaper, how much cheaper? How much would I be paying a month or every 6 months, for example. I did request a quote from progressive and what they came up with is..... $485.19 every month , $613 a month with travelers. How much will I be saving if i go under my parents' insurance? Thank you all in advance!""

How much to insure a 20 year old female learner on mothers insurance for one month in ireland?

i am 20 and want to learn to drive in my mums car (citron saxo 2001) how much roughly would it be to add me to the insurance for one month if ive never had lessons and have only had a provisional licence for 2 months? i live in ireland thanks

Car insurance help help????????

I will be getting my car insurance in May. I'll be 18 and I have two tickets one rolling fail to stop. One leavening a seen of a accident. I have a 99 s10 blazer 4 wheel drive. Blue I live in mn and in Winsted MN im male two. Can some one just tell me how much it would be. I will be livening at home 2 Dont give me a link just say like a number how much you think it would be. I cant ask the company's cuz im not 18

Columbia Maryland Cheap car insurance quotes zip 21045

Columbia Maryland Cheap car insurance quotes zip 21045

All young adults pay attention...what's the cheapest yet best car insurance you have found?

I'm 19, dad wants me to buy my own car get my own insurance etc. Any pointers?""

Will my child automatically get added to my car insurance when he gets his license?

My 18 year old son is getting his license tomorrow. And I was wondering, when he gets his license through the DMV... Will he automatically get added to my car insurance? If so when? Is there anyway to prevent him getting placed on my insurance without me doing so. My rates would be a killer. Thanks""

Can you really find cheap health insurance ?

I live in mass and i can not find health insurance for my needs and have been denied by the state health insurance. Dont know what to do ... anyone can help ?

Car insurance question?

say i get insured first time and i need to get my car to a road safety test and it fails badly and would cost to much to repair (more than the car is worth) can i cancel the insurance say 2 weeks after getting it? if yes, does there usually be a cancellation fee?""

Can I use my no claims discount for scooter insurance?

I am seriously considering dumping the car and using a scooter. I have full no claims discount on my car insurance, would I be able to use this on my scooter insurance? If not, would I loose that no claims I have built up i.e. if i go back to driving a car will I start again with zero no claims discount. This is a UK based question.""

Is the cost of car insurance increased when you drive a coupe as opposed to a sedan?

I want to buy an acura integra and i want to know if the 2 door would be more expensive to insure than the 4 door because of the 2 door's sportier appearance. I'm almost 19.

Car insurance wrong information coverage upon car purchase..?

i bought a new truck, i am a first time car buyer and got the independent insurance agent the dealer had.... the agent told me that he was informed by the insurance agent that i will have a one (1) year coverage for the auto insurance as well as the amount of my monthly premium.. when i got the policy i was shocked to find out i only got six months coverage for the insurance and my monthly premium increased... they got PROGRESSIVE as the insurance company. i have already paid the required first six months (according to the agent) insurance premium and have to pay monthly for the remaining 6 months... which is not the case when i got my policy... is there a way how to handle, change this car insurance that i got? if not how could i send any complain to certain authorities/agencies for this kind of activities? any help is appreciated""

How much did your insurance go up?

I am unemployed. My wife has me, our son, and herself on her job group rate medical insurance. Up to October this year, for the last 10 years, she pays $79.00 per month for medical ...show more""

Car insurance box rules?

I just had the insurance 'box' fitted the other day. I've been told I can't drive before 6am or after 11pm by friends but it doesn't look like a rule just a suggestion to lower insurance cost. ALSO I have to drive to Suffolk in a few weeks from Manchester which is nearly 4 hours, will this change my policy because of the increased mileage? This is just a one off journey I hardly ever drive long distances.""

What does the insurance company require to insure property?

What does the insurance company require to insure property?

How much would Progressive's auto insurance cost for a 2 door honda civic for a 17 year old male?

Or a Honda accord v6 coupe? Standard Insurance prices.

Question about car insurance?

ok so im wondering if i get a car will worth 5000 will the insurance be the same on all cars worth 5000 like a mustang worth 5 k or a civic worth 5 k is the insurance the same on them?

How much would I pay for car insurance on average?

I am 17, about to turn 18 and I am about to get my license. I am going to get a used car around a 1995 car. Around how much would I pay for insurance?""

I need health insurance quick.?

I need to get health insurance. I have no job and No income so i have no way to get health insurance. I went to the state to get health insurance and I was not eligable for Medicare. I live with my father and I qualified for another health insurance through the state but I have to pay full premium because my father makes just over the amount they classify as POOR. Im 18, with a serious blood disorder (Hemophilia) and no doctor will help me w/o health insurance. Is there any other health insurance or help I can get?""

Limiting the cost of home insurance in Florida?

How can we limit the cost of home insurance in Florida?

How much does your credit rating affect your car insurance premium?

The CSR from my company just told me that continuous coverage is much more of a discount than a good credit rating gives you. So, overall, about what percent do folks in the know think that the credit rating matters?""

Does Allstate use insurance credit scores ?

My score is good, just curious. Another unrelated question: My insurance has gone up the last 2 times after going down every 6 months for a few years. I cant find any reason for it on my end. Is everyones rate going up at allstate ?""

Car insurance- insurance not renewed.?

A month ago my car insurers send a letter saying my policy wouldn't be renewed when it ends in November. reason, there weren't dealing with the agency. now I have two cars, one having abs problem so wasn't driving it but was paying for both. Am getting a new insurance company but wouldnt add the problem car till I get money to repair it. its not driven and want to save that wasted money to repair it. Am I right.""

Afforable Health insurance?

I'm 19 years old, I work a part time job and I need health insurance. The cheapest I saw was Blue cross blue care and it was $95 a month and 30 copay. Is there anything cheaper I ...show more""

Where can I get affordable health insurance?

My husband has been sick for like a year and we cannot afford to go to the doctor in fact he went to a doctor and they told him he has to go see another doctor because they can't find anything wrong with him. so that's $300 down the drain and we haven't even paid it. Is there something I can get him that would cost $30 a month and have some way for him to get some tests that wouldn't kill us financially?

Auto Insurance Price?

Does anyone have a rough estimate of how much my auto insurance would cost per year? I'm a 19 year old female purchasing a 2000 Toyota camry.

Insurance for a non-running vehicles Title Transfer?

Do I need insurance for a title transfer on a private party vehicle that is not running and wont be for a while in the state of florida? Also what is the process for doing so? Thank you, Tyler""

How much will insurace cost me on a 2005 jaguar type s or on a 2006 audi A4?

want to get one of those cars but i want to have a idea of how much it will cost in insurance. i got 1 year with my license or it will go up on my dads name he has like alot of years more then 30 with out accidents or anything. plz any info or if u have one of this cars. give me a idea of how much it will cost me or if u know any website i could find out. thanks. o ya the jaguar is a v6 3.0 and the audi v4 2.0. both leather i will get a bunch of chicks with this cars.

I'm 20 with no diploma: How do I get health insurance?

I'm a 20 year old male in Austin, Texas, and I was homeschooled and have 2 courses to complete until I get my highschool diploma. I have very little work experience (worked for HEB for 3 months). How do I get health insurance? Any suggestions on who would hire me that has insurance, or any government help I could be eligible for health wise?""

Somebody help me find cheap car insurance in uk...........?

i am 20 year old foreign student in uk from 2 years....i am about to buy some cheap car with 1 ltr engine which is worth of 1000. but the biggest problem is for the 700-800 worth car they are asking me to pay 5000 insurance........... some body please help me find the cheaper insurance... can you advise me on what basis insurance is counted like age... address so that i can figure out from where to buy insurance.... some extra information:: i don't have any NCB first car I have very new licence in full time education. can afford max 150 per month please guys suggest me some cheap insurance provider....

Columbia Maryland Cheap car insurance quotes zip 21045

Columbia Maryland Cheap car insurance quotes zip 21045

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