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silver-rings-and-rabbits · 5 months ago

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Open Heart - Chapter 8

The PITA

A few weeks later, Matthew woke up very early and went into work with Landry, who apparently always got in an hour before his shift was due to start. The hospital was surprisingly peaceful, the break of dawn giving it a layer of tranquillity. Matthew had a good feeling about today: a glorious August day, he had woken up naturally for once, he’d had a run of successful cases, and had even remembered to cook in bulk last night and now had a supply of leftovers to last several days. To top it off, the latest rankings had been posted and Matthew had risen to eighth position. He read his name happily.

“What the—” Landry spluttered. “How did I drop to seventh?” He gaped at the list in shock.

“Have you made any mistakes this week?” Matthew asked, and Landry looked awkward.

“I guess I almost mis-diagnosed a case the other day…but that was only because I didn’t know the patient had changed her daily routine!” He added, indignantly.

“Wait,” Matthew frowned. “Don’t you talk to the patients? It’s fairly easy to keep track of their routine.”

“I talk about symptoms and medical history, of course. But small talk is such a waste of time,” Landry tutted. “If I spend ten extra minutes to hear about grandkids, how many more people have I missed out on? I’d rather cure them and have them out the door.”

“I like talking to my patients. Everyone has a story...”

“Well I’m not here for stories.” Landry shook his head and Matthew raised an eyebrow. “Good thing I got here early: I have to get to work!”

He beetled down the corridor without a second glance. Matthew watched him sadly. Even Dr Ramsey knew that a patient’s personal life could contribute to a diagnosis as much as their symptoms could. Landry needed to relax every so often.

Still, he didn’t let it bother him and dove into his casework. His good mood seemed to rub off on his patients who chatted and joked during consultations. Matthew took a little extra care to listen. One of his patients had her wife and little girl staying the night; Matthew snuck a pudding cup for the daughter. He even had the chance to grab a cup of coffee with Danny, who had heartily enjoyed hearing about the bachelorette party. August’s film was Casablanca, which was more promising.

Around lunchtime, Matthew was sought out by Dr Mirani.

“Valentine! New admission in room 712. Dr Ramsey wants you to handle it.”

“Dr Ramsey asked for me?”

“By name.”

That sounded very promising. “Really? Why?”

“Gee, I dunno, Valentine!” Zaid’s smile was straight out of the uncanny valley. “Maybe I should be like you and badger my superiors with incessant questions.”

Matthew took the hint.

He checked over the patient’s chart before putting on a smile and walking into the room.

“Good afternoon, Mr Platt! What can I do for—”

The patient in bed burped so loudly that Matthew nearly jumped. He was a middle-aged man, overweight and balding, with a round, red face.

“You can start by turning down the AC in this goddamn hospital! I’m not a polar bear!” he barked. “Then you can send in my doctor. Enough nurses, show me some goddamn – buuuuurp! – respect!”

Matthew was slightly taken aback but kept up his smile.

“Mr Platt, I am your doctor—”

“Like hell – buuuuurp! – like hell you are! You’re a teenager, you don’t look qualified to wipe my ass! Get me a real doctor!”

“Mr Platt, I am highly qualified—”

“Anyone can be certified in anything now, thanks to the – buuuuurp! – internet!”

“Mr Platt, I’m one of the best doctors in my year, nationwide,” Matthew said, firmly, remembering his final grades at med school and his Edenbrook acceptance. “You’re in good hands.”

Matthew smiled through gritted teeth as Mr Platt glared at him. He couldn’t help thinking that if Mr Platt didn’t shout so much he probably would have aged better.

Despite Mr Platt’s distrust of the internet and Matthew’s medical degree, he was convinced that his chest pain was a sign of a heart attack because that was what the internet had told him. Not even the definitely-not-a-heart-attack-symptom of hair falling out could convince him otherwise. Matthew referred him for an ECG to rule out the heart attack and finally stepped into the hallway, trying to relax. He ran a hand through his hair as Mr Platt’s belching echoed down the hall.

Matthew found Dr Ramsey a little while later in the ER. He had an amused smirk, clearly aware of the kind of patient Mr Platt was.

“Ah, Dr Valentine. How’s Mr Platt getting on.”

“He’s…a little difficult,” Matthew said stiffly. “He won’t listen to me, he’s calling my credentials into question, and he’s kind of…rude.”

“People are rude, Rookie,” Ramsey shrugged. “You won’t be best friends with every patient who walks through the door.”

“I know that. But I couldn’t help wondering if you had assigned him to me for a reason.”

Ethan looked at Matthew, his eyebrows slightly raised. Matthew realised he was expected to elaborate and wasn’t sure why he might have been assigned this particular patient, but it couldn’t have been anything good.

“Maybe…as a joke,” he offered lamely.

Dr Ramsey went very still as Matthew realised he had chosen the worst possibly phrasing.

“Do I strike you as someone who uses patients as a joke?” He asked. His voice was dangerously calm; Matthew was in danger.

“No, Dr Ramsey,” he said humbly.

“Good.” Ramsey nodded and the danger passed. For the moment.

“I did assign Mr Platt’s case to you for a reason,” he continued. “You need to figure it out.” He left the ER.

Matthew cursed under his breath, ripping a hand through his hair. His good mood from this morning was almost gone.

“Hey, are you ok?”

Matthew turned to see Rafael, which just about salvaged his mood. At least he wouldn’t judge him for being annoyed.

“I just…I kind of feel like Dr Ramsey’s punishing me.” Why the hell hadn’t he given that reason to Dr Ramsey a minute ago?!

“Why on earth would he be punishing you?” Rafael asked in surprise.

“Oh man, I don’t know. He has a temper, maybe I annoyed him without realising.” Matthew’s brain searched for possibilities…and he came up blank.

“Do you need to vent? Not to toot my own horn, but I’m a fantastic listener.” Rafael smiled at Matthew encouragingly until Matthew’s lips flicked upward. “Want to grab dinner after work?”

“God, I’d love to but tonight I’m going out for dinner with a bunch of other interns.” Just his luck. Except… “Do you want to come with us?”

“Me? And a bunch of hotshot doctors?” Rafael forced a laugh, scratching the back of his neck. “I’m not sure that’s really my scene…”

“Come on, it’ll be fun! You can meet my awesome friends.”

“Haven’t I technically already met them?”

“An emergency situation doesn’t count. They’re a great group of people. They’ll love you,” Matthew said earnestly. He very much hoped Rafael would come with them. He wanted them to get along, for Rafael to share his support group. He wanted Rafael in the inner circle of his life so badly.

Rafael hesitated, but agreed with a smile on his face.

Matthew stumbled home at the end of the day, tired and frustrated. The first thing he did was collapse along the length of the couch, face first.

“That good a day, huh?” Elijah laughed at him.

“Want to trade patients?” Matthew moaned into the cushions.

“And take that PITA in room 712? No thank you!”

Matthew propped himself up on his elbows. “The what?”

“PITA. Pain in the ass. The nurses say it.”

It was a very apt description of the man who had spent the day belching, shouting and belittling Matthew as every test came up negative. Still, he had it better than some of the nurses. Mr Platt believed they were all beneath him, especially Sarah who was a black woman (though he had had no problem when a blonde woman had walked past his room; Matthew had closed the blinds). Ramsey had no problem with taking Sarah off the case if she wanted, it was just Matthew he wanted to suffer.

“Roomie dinner! Roomie dinner!” Sienna chanted as she came out of her room. “You two lazy boys need to get ready if you don’t want to miss our reservation. The others are meeting us there.”

Matthew tumbled off the sofa, suddenly energised. “I invited Rafael to come tonight as well.”

“Your paramedic friend! Nice!”

Matthew quickly changed into a light blue silk shirt and black pants, and brushed hair. He’d pulled at it so much that he now looked like he had been dragged through a hedge backwards. Sienna kept pace with him as they left the apartment.

“Don’t feel obligated to stick with us if you and Rafael want some time together or anything.”

“Let’s just see what happens,” Matthew said, airily.

The restaurant was just off back bay, an independent Italian that was draped in flowers outside and had a rustic interior with soft lighting. An elderly gentleman crooned Italian songs from the piano in the corner.

“It’s so cute!” Sienna gasped as they went in. “It’s smaller than in the pictures.”

“The portions better not be,” Elijah grinned, thanking a member of staff who moved a table out of his way.

The door swung open and shut: Landry and Jackie had just joined them. Matthew tested the ice by asking Jackie if she was looking forward to dinner…only to receive an eye-roll and sarcasm in response.

“Geez, Jackie,” he groaned. “Can’t you at least pretend to care that we used to be friends?” He was starting to lose hope that they would actually go back to normal.

“Matthew, we’re still—”

“Your friend’s here, Matthew!”

Matthew looked over to a large table in the corner where Rafael was sitting and his hurt was forgotten. Rafael was looking nervous – his eyes darting, his fingers restless – but when he saw Matthew he sat up a little straighter and gave a bright smile. Matthew walked over as he stood to greet them.

“Hey! Sorry, I was afraid I’d be late…and ended up getting here half an hour early,” he admitted with a chuckle.

Matthew laughed with him and introduced his roommates. Jackie and Landry were polite enough, Elijah lead him in a fist bump, and Sienna beamed up at him as her hand was swallowed in the handshake. They settled into seats, though they were still waiting for Bryce. Matthew had Sienna on one side of him and indicated for Rafael to sit on his other side, which he did gratefully.

“How did it go with your patient today?” he asked, relaxing a little.

“Don’t ask,” Matthew winced.

“Sorry,” Rafael smiled, contritely. “Let’s pretend I didn’t.”

“Am I late?”

Bryce had just strutted over, flicking his hair out of his eyes and taking the spare seat opposite Matthew.

“Hey Rafael, I wasn’t expecting to see you here,” he said, in pleasant surprise.

“Matthew invited me.”

“Excellent!” Bryce announced, as the server came over and they all ordered large pitchers and mounds of food.

“So, hang on,” Elijah said as the server walked away. “Do you guys know each other?”

“Rafael brings a lot of patients who need emergency surgery so we end up seeing each other in the ER quite a lot.”

“Bryce comes over to say hi if he sees me in the cafeteria as well,” Rafael added. Matthew thought of all the days he hadn’t seen Rafael, when Bryce had apparently seen him quite often. He suddenly had an odd wish that he had trained in surgery.

“Anything cool happen to anyone today?” Bryce addressed the group. Landry opened his mouth to say something but Bryce answered his own question. “I rejoined a large intestine. Solo. It was insane.”

“Sienna and I got to work on a paediatrics case. We diagnosed a little girl and now we’re working on a treatment plan,” Elijah said.

“I hate all of you,” Jackie groaned. “I had two bad cases of the flu and a weird rash that turned out to be poison oak. Eight years of Harvard to smear cream on a guys ass because he pooped in the woods.”

Matthew had gone quiet, not wanting to talk about Mr Platt, but couldn’t help sniggering with the others at Jackie’s statement as she took a large gulp of wine. Rafael had gone quiet as well.

“Rafael, did you have any interesting call-outs today?” he asked, when the table went quiet. Everyone turned to look at him.

“Oh, not by your standards. Most of my call-outs were for non-emergent problems.”

“What, like people who can’t tell the difference between a panic attack and a heart attack?” Jackie asked, and Rafael nodded.

“That’s actually a common one.”

“Doesn’t that bother you?” Landry asked.

“No,” Rafael frowned, looking a little wary. “Why would it?”

“Well, it delays the system, doesn’t it? Ignorance delaying aid to people who actually need help.”

Matthew bit his lip, his stomach squeezing a little. Bryce, Sienna and Elijah looked on with caution, but Rafael seemed to take it in stride.

“I see what you mean, but they never do it maliciously. They’re just scared. And it’s like you said; they don’t know. Not everyone has a medical degree.” He held Landry’s gaze, but Landry seemed too surprised to say anything else. He hadn’t thought of that angle.

Luckily the silence was dispelled by the arrival of food: Bryce had ordered steak, Jackie had a pepperoni pizza (with jalapenos), Sienna had a chicken calzone, Elijah ordered carbonara, Rafael had butternut squash risotto, Matthew had lasagne, and – much to Matthew’s disgust – Landry had ordered salmon. At least he was sat the furthest away.

“So!” Sienna announced, as they dug in. “I did some research last night and found…this!”

She presented them her phone, showing an old photo of Landry dressed in an elephant onesie, passed out drunk. Everyone laughed as he blushed a deep red and admitted it was the result of trying to down nine jaeger bombs. The conversation moved onto everyone’s med school experience, where Bryce had joined the Stanford tradition of playing a drinking game the night before each exam: one shot for every question you got wrong. Consequently, he had thrown up during his first exam and had to pass it off as food poisoning. Sienna told them about the parties she and Wayne had attended at Princeton, going above and beyond for fancy dress. Stiff, snobbish Wayne was the last person Matthew would expect to see at a fancy dress party, and from the looks on everyone’s faces, they agreed.

“What about you, Matthew?”

Matthew shook his head, good-naturedly.

“I was at University of Colorado, med campus. I was focused on my studies, mostly just going to post-exam celebrations.”

“Wait, you didn’t go Ivy-league?” Bryce asked.

“I could have done, but I didn’t want to go out-of-state at the time.”

“Shame you didn’t come to U-Chicago with me,” Elijah said. “You could have watched Rocky Horror at midnight with us!”

“What was your school like, Rafael?” Sienna asked.

“I was just at Beacon Hill College Campus. It has a good EMT program. Plus it let me live at home whilst I was studying.”

“That sounds nice. You must be close with your family?”

Rafael suddenly laughed. “You’d think so, but my grandma will still tell you I’m not around enough.”

Conversation flowed easily throughout the rest of the meal. Apart from Jackie, who had studied at Harvard, and Sienna, who had visited Wayne in the city plenty of times before moving in with him, no one knew a huge amount of the city. Bryce liked to explore and had discovered some secret spots and of course Rafael was all too happy to provide recommendations. He didn’t mention the night market, but he gave Matthew a private smile: it was their secret.

After dinner, they piled onto the street. Matthew glanced back at the restaurant, bathed in evening glow, and reached for his phone to take a picture. He turned around to find Rafael waiting for him.

“Fan of architecture?” he asked.

“I want to draw it later.”

“You’re an artist?”

“Well…”

“That’s so cool! I had no idea!”

Matthew was flattered. “It’s just a hobby. I mostly draw still-life, or from photos. I drew one of our group selfies and Sienna got it framed for the apartment.”

“Could I maybe see it sometime?”

A small thrill rushed inside Matthew that Rafael wanted to see his drawings, though he was worried Rafael’s expectations might be too high.

“You two coming or what?” Jackie called. The two of them had fallen behind the main group.

“Donahue’s are having a karaoke night. Landry and Elijah are gonna sing ‘The Room Where it Happens’ with me!” Sienna added.

Matthew looked at Rafael hopefully, but was concerned at the apprehension on his face.

“I’ve got an early morning, but you guys go on ahead. Matthew, thank you for inviting me tonight.”

He lightly touched Matthew’s elbow as he walked away. His head was bowed slightly.

“Rafael, wait.” Matthew hastened to catch up with him. His friends looked on, slightly impatient. “Did we do something to upset you?” He didn’t think they had, but maybe he hadn’t noticed. Maybe he had been so desperate for Rafael to fit in with his friends, he hadn’t stopped to consider that Rafael might be too uncomfortable with everything.

“No, of course you didn’t! Your friends are really nice people,” Rafael said, surprised at the suggestion. He swallowed, scratching the back of his neck. “It’s just…I don’t have much in common with a group of doctors.”

“What?! Of course you do.”

“It’s OK, I’m not looking for pity, honest. We come from completely different worlds. But…if you ever feel like seeing how the other half lives…” He tapped on his phone with a smile, and Matthew’s phone pinged a second later: Rafael had texted his address.

His breath caught as he tried to figure out what Rafael was getting at. Jackie called him over again.

“You should go.” There was a touch of sadness in Rafael’s voice. “Have fun with your friends. I’ll see you at work.”

Rafael turned and started walking away towards the station. His eyes were cast downward as he tried not to be too disappointed. It was only the natural way: Matthew was a good doctor who would go on to do incredible things, and Rafael had his humble community. He had seen so many incredible doctors passing through Edenbrook…just none of them had been so warm and accommodating as Matthew. No one had smiled at him quite so tenderly. Rafael just wished he had more to give.

“You guys go on without me!”

Rafael turned to see Matthew walking towards him, the rest of his friends going in the opposite direction.

“What are you doing?” he asked, hardly daring to hope.

“You’ve seen my world. Now show me yours.”

Before he could stop it, Rafael broke into a smile and hope had blossomed in his heart, practically lifting him off his feet.

“Come on. There’s someone I want you to meet.”

The two of them hopped onto the half-empty subway carriage and sat side-by-side. Matthew was excited that Rafael had wanted him to meet someone, anxious as to who it was, but before he could ask more, Rafael turned to him.

“I meant to ask – and sorry if I’m intruding here – but did something happen between you and Jackie?”

“Not really. We just made out in a supply closet, but that was on our first day. There’s nothing…” Matthew trailed off at Rafael’s surprised, amused look and broke into a sheepish smile. “You didn’t mean romantically, did you?”

“Actually it looked more like you’d had a falling out. But now you have to tell me that story,” Rafael smirked.

Matthew laughed as he recounted his disastrous first day and how he and Jackie had cleared the air with a make-out session.

Rafael laughed with him. “I’ve heard of doctors getting overly-friendly in enclosed spaces…is that what they meant?”

“Apparently it’s an Edenbrook tradition. Rumour has it, Chief Emery did it once.”

“Where did you here that?”

“Just around. Hospital rumours, nothing confirmed of course.”

Matthew would have loved to stick with hospital gossip, but his face fell when he thought of Rafael’s original question.

“Honestly though, Jackie’s been freezing me out. Have you heard about the rankings for a fellowship competition between the interns?” Rafael nodded; he had seen the lists. “Jackie’s very competitive and once said part of the fun of the competition was the satisfaction of beating me. Except I outranked her once and she gave me the cold shoulder and has barely spoken to me since.” The hurt was rising up again. “It’s getting annoying now, especially since she doesn’t seem to have a problem with the others.”

“Surely she’ll come round. Maybe try talking to her in a situation she can’t back out of.” Rafael looked sympathetic. “You deserve an explanation after all.”

Matthew nodded thoughtfully. Maybe he should try talking to Jackie at home. But he didn’t want to waste time with Rafael by thinking about things that upset him so he asked Rafael what he thought about the rest of the group.

Rafael had been surprised at Bryce’s forwardness: medical staff didn’t usually interact with paramedics beyond patient care, so he was surprised when Bryce decided to sit with him in the cafeteria, and now a genuine friendship seemed to be forming. There was nothing to suggest he and Bryce were more than friends, and Matthew was a tiny bit relieved.

Rafael thought Sienna was lovely – Matthew whole-heartedly agreed – and he got on well with Elijah. Rafael had played Castle Crashers with his college friends, which turned out to be one of Elijah’s old favourites. Matthew suggested Rafael join them for a game night sometime and when Rafael said it sounded fun, it sounded like he meant it. However, there was something else Matthew had noticed that night.

“Did I detect a bit of awkwardness between you and Landry?”

“I’m sorry, I know he’s your friend but I felt like he was implying that some patients are more important than others and I hate that way of thinking.” He looked almost apologetic. “Don’t get me wrong, if someone’s in a life-threatening condition, they will take priority. But if an ambulance is called, the bottom line is that someone is in need of help, and probably scared, and my job is to provide that help. Besides, if someone’s confused their panic attack with a heart attack, we can teach them how to deal with it and they’ll be able to handle it next time.”

“I think you’ve got the best perspective,” Matthew said softly. “I’ve worked with Landry, and I’ve had to tell him to be careful with how he speaks to patients: truth doesn’t need to be cold and harsh.” He smiled at Rafael. “I’m sure your patients would be glad to have you fighting for them.”

“Well…” Rafael dropped his gaze, flustered, but Matthew caught a shy smile. He grinned back.

“Right, so, who am I meeting? This isn’t the part where you tell me you have a wife and child is it?” He was joking, but suddenly had a panicked thought about what he’d do if that were the case. Luckily, Rafael burst out laughing.

“Oh, god no. I haven’t been with anyone in…over a year, actually.” He pulled himself together and said shyly. “It’s ok if you don’t want to but…I was hoping you could meet my grandma.”

“Is this the grandma who says you’re never around enough?”

“That’s the one. She asked if I wanted to come over but you had already invited me out. She said I would be welcome to bring a friend over afterwards.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ve told her about you.”

There was something almost magical in the train carriage as Matthew pictured Rafael telling his grandmother – who was clearly so important to him – about Matthew, and Rafael wanting to introduce Matthew to his life.

“I’d love to meet her.”

The two of them left the train and Rafael led them to a residential area of small houses and apartments. Matthew looked around with interest. People of all ages were socialising in the streets. Someone sat by their open window, playing a guitar whilst her neighbours listened. Every so often, they passed an open window that had a delicious smell wafting out of it.

“So this is where you live.”

“All my life.”

Rafael would cheerfully greet people in Portuguese as they passed, more relaxed and confident than Matthew had seen him. He even got to meet Lucas, Rafael’s friend who volunteered with him at the civic centre. Tonight would have been samba night had Rafael been able to go. Apparently there were a few old ladies who loved the handsome young men, and had been disappointed that Rafael hadn’t been able to make it. Lucas casually mentioned that Matthew would be popular, though Matthew doubted that: he was standing next to Rafael of all people.

He wasn’t the least surprised that Rafael would volunteer his evenings to keep the elderly company. He liked learning about his life, everything he had heard so far made him better. Matthew himself had only volunteered once: the Christmas after his sister died and his parents were separated. His mother had had some wine and started getting upset so Uncle Tony left her in the care of his partner whilst he took Matthew out of the house. They had just driven around aimlessly until they drove past a soup kitchen, where they stopped to ask if they needed any help. Matthew had spent the afternoon with people doing the best they could in horrible situations, and it had overall been a good experience, though he wished it hadn’t come as a result of looking for a distraction.

“We’re here,” Rafael said happily, snapping Matthew out of his thoughts. They were standing in front of a small, red-brick house, with a couple of steps leading up to the front porch. They walked up and Rafael pressed a buzzer and said something in Portuguese that Matthew couldn’t understand.

“Hope you saved some room for dessert,” Rafael smiled at Matthew over his shoulder as the door opened to reveal a small, wrinkled woman. She had shoulder-length grey hair and large glasses, and beamed up at Rafael with a huge smile.

“My gorgeous boy!” she said happily, as Rafael greeted her with a warm hug.

“Ola, Vovó,” he said, kissing her cheek. As he straightened up, he pulled Matthew forward. “This is my friend, Matthew. Matthew, this is my grandma, Juliana.”

Juliana eyed Matthew curiously as Matthew smiled and held out a hand.

“It’s nice to—oh!” Juliana had ignored his hand and gone straight in for a hug, reaching up to pinch his cheek as she pulled away.

“No, no,” she said, knowingly. “He’s too lovely to be just a friend.”

“Vovó!” Rafael groaned as Matthew laughed nervously, a blush heating his face. Juliana winked at him before waving him into her cosy living room and pushing him onto a battered loveseat.

“Do you want some tea?” Rafael asked him, with his kind smile.

“Please.”

As Rafael joined his grandmother in the kitchen, Matthew glanced around the living room. The furniture was old and well-worn, and the hardwood floor was covered with a large circular rug that had roses patterning the edges. Family pictures adorned the walls and Matthew’s eyes settled on a professional one of Rafael at his college graduation, his proud parents on either side. His father was tall and broad, but his face was the image of his mother.

“So Matthew, how do you know my grandson?” Juliana asked him from the kitchen.

“From work, Vovó,” Rafael said, patiently. Juliana rolled her eyes.

“Of course, the hospital. His whole life is that hospital.”

Matthew laughed; Juliana couldn’t keep the pride out of her voice.

“I’m afraid he and I have that in common,” he chuckled, with a pointed look at Rafael who gave him a sheepish smile as he handed him a mug of hot tea and sat beside him.

“Well, you’re in luck today, Matthew. I made brigadeiros in the hope that my Rafael would show up tonight.”

“What’s that?” Matthew whispered to Rafael.

“Chocolate truffle desserts. I really like them,” Rafael whispered back.

Juliana came into the living room, carrying a plate filled with little chocolate balls in paper cups, which she set on the coffee table.

“Eat!” she encouraged, settling into an armchair. Rafael instantly took two of the chocolates and handed one of them to Matthew, who popped it into his mouth.

“Oh wow,” he gasped as the rich, creamy chocolate flooded his tastebuds. “Juliana, that’s incredible.”

Juliana beamed at him. “Thank you, darling. It’s a recipe I perfected years ago.” She took a sip from her tea and had one of the chocolates herself. “So, Matthew, you’re the nice doctor Rafael keeps telling me about it. How does it work, are you still in training?”

Rafael flushed a little at Juliana’s suggestion – he had told her a lot about Matthew – but Matthew didn’t appear to notice as he started telling Juliana about his four years at med school and his three-year residency at Edenbrook. Rafael sat back comfortably as Matthew answered Juliana’s questions as much as he could, his face lit up with enthusiasm. His love for his work couldn’t have been clearer and it was a joy to see.

“There may be further study after three years, depending on what we want to specialise in,” Matthew was saying.

“Do you know what that would be?” Juliana asked. Matthew frowned in thought.

“Maybe oncology…” he murmured.

“What would that entail?”

“The study of tumours. But it also includes the study and treatment of cancers.” He cleared his throat and shook his head. “Honestly, it’s just an idea. I haven’t thought about it deeply. I’ll probably change my mind several times.” He brushed it off with a laugh, though Rafael thought it sounded a little hollow. He gently touched his arm and asked him about life in Colorado.

Matthew remained a little cagey when he talked about living with his uncle and his mom, but he perked up when he talked about the horses; horse riding was something he had missed since moving. This then led to a conversation about pets.

“Has Rafael told you about Coco?”

“Who?”

“My cat.”

Rafael flipped eagerly through his phone and showed Matthew a picture of a fluffy black cat, sitting up majestically on the counter.

“I was ten and I found her in the park, where she’d hurt her paw, so I rescued her.”

“He’d been out longer than usual and we were starting to worry he had been kidnapped,” Juliana said. “Instead he surprised us all by turning up at the door with a kitten in his bag and begging us to help her.”

“Dad took us down to the vet and I stayed with Coco during her treatment. My parents agreed to keep her until she was better…”

“And she’s been with you ever since?” Matthew guessed.

“She grew very attached to her rescuer,” Juliana explained. “And no one had the heart to separate them in the end.”

Rafael flipped through a couple more photos: Coco stretched out in a patch of sunlight, an adorable one of Rafael laughing as Coco sat in his arms, licking his face, a selfie of Rafael lying on his stomach with Coco sat on his back, and another sweet one of Rafael sleeping on the sofa with Coco curled in his lap.

“I miss her, but my current landlord doesn’t allow pets,” he sighed. “She still lives with my parents, but I visit often.”

“If anyone was going to rescue and adopt a sick kitten it would be you,” Juliana said. Rafael looked slightly embarrassed, but Juliana had a twinkle in her eye as she turned to Matthew. “My Rafael is always ready to help someone in need.”

“I know,” Matthew said tenderly, meeting Rafael’s eye. Rafael couldn’t help giving him a soft smile back.

“He’s never hesitated to help us in the family. He’s stepped in to look after his young cousins if a babysitter was needed last minute. He spent a weekend helping my daughter and her husband move house, then built them a shoe-rack as a welcome gift.”

“I didn’t build it from scratch, I bought it and assembled it,” Rafael pointed out. Juliana ignored him.

“You know, Matthew, my husband passed away six years ago, and Rafael stayed with me for the entire week.”

“I didn’t like the idea of you being alone,” Rafael said, playing it cool.

“It meant the world to me,” Juliana said lovingly. “You have no idea how much it helped.”

Matthew was extremely touched by the interaction. He had known Rafael had a heart of gold but, somehow, hearing Juliana’s account was even better. He glanced at Rafael with an impressed smile, wondering how someone like him could be real.

Later that evening, the two of them sat on Juliana’s porch, watching the world go by. The westward sky had faint remnants of sunset, but the streetlamps gave good light. Further down the street, a group of kids played rambunctiously. In another direction, upbeat music was playing.

“Is it always this busy in the evening?” Matthew asked.

“I guess so, when the weather’s nice. And the school’s are off for the summer so I suppose some families relax their curfews a bit.” He turned to Matthew with a smile. “Anyway, thanks for being so great with my grandma.”

“Thanks for letting me meet her. And for letting me see your neighbourhood.” It was very uplifting to know that Rafael had specifically wanted him to see this part of his life. It felt sacred.

“Pretty different to yours though, right?”

“Well, yeah,” Matthew admitted, thinking of his intimidating apartment block that, sat in the city centre, most definitely didn’t allow for kids to play safely in the street. In fact, he didn’t recall seeing many children living there. Perhaps he was wrong, but most of the people he had seen around his apartment were childless couples, or singles like him and his friends.

“By the way, is everything alright?” Rafael asked delicately. “You seemed a bit off when you talked about studying oncology.”

“Right.” Matthew’s face fell. “I genuinely haven’t thought about it deeply but…I guess that came from the fact my sister died of leukaemia.”

Rafael froze in shock as he realised why Matthew might have handled certain conversation topics cautiously.

“I had no idea…”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, there was never really a good time. It’s not exactly an easy conversation.”

“I understand. You need a time and place.”

Matthew smoothed his hair flat as he turned to Rafael.

“Can I tell you about it now?”

“Of course.”

They sat close together as Matthew explained how his sister’s illness had slowly infiltrated his family life, causing irreparable tension between his parents and a lot of heartache over his sister’s suffering. He had been pulled out of school early the day she died. As soon as he got to the hospital, he had climbed straight into Holly’s lap and they held on to each other tightly as Casey’s life slowly slipped away forever.

“Dad…took it badly,” Matthew muttered, his eyes darkening as he remembered. “Maybe it was the grief talking but he essentially blamed Mom for what happened.”

“What?!”

“Yeah. He seemed to get it into his head that she should have noticed the signs earlier. But none of us noticed, not even Casey!” Matthew swallowed hard. “Besides, sometimes it doesn’t matter. Casey was a young Caucasian female, in good health and fitness. She even did gymnastics! Everything was in her favour but…” His voice trailed off and he wiped his eyes. Rafael rubbed his back, providing a small source of comfort.

“What happened after that?” Rafael prompted.

“Mom and Dad weren’t staying together. I mean, would you stay with someone who blamed you for your child’s cancer?” Disgust coloured Matthew’s voice. “Mom went to live with Uncle Tony and I wanted to go with her, since Dad just started working super-late all the time. He didn’t even argue.” Matthew rolled his eyes. “So we left. Practically started over completely. But Tony and his girlfriend were extremely accommodating and were even willing to cover the costs of a course of therapy…and we got through it, somehow.”

“I’m glad you did,” Rafael said gently. “Do you still live with your Uncle?”

“He actually helped build a small house for us near where he lived. I think it was just after the first anniversary when Mom had finally started working again and he gently suggested we should have a place of our own again. So we had a cottage built near where he lived and she’s been there ever since.” He smiled. “She’s got a couple of part time jobs in the town and then they started up a riding school together. I’m really proud of her.”

“I’m sure she’d say the same about you,” Rafael said, warmly. “Are you…still in touch with your dad at all?”

“No. He never apologised for how he treated Mom. I think he preferred to pretend it never happened. Last I heard, he had a new girlfriend and I figured I’d let him start over with his new life; I got this far without him.”

Matthew went quiet, twisting his fingers together. Rafael waited patiently for him to continue.

“I actually made friends with a cancer patient,” Matthew said quietly. “Kyra. She came in with a broken arm that I had to cast and we bonded. And then it was terrifying knowing that she was having to have a cancer operation that she might not survive.”

Rafael felt sick. “She didn’t…?”

“Oh god, she survived the op, no problem! But if I couldn’t handle her case professionally, what hope do I have if I did want to specialise in oncology?! I really want to prevent people from suffering the way my family did…but what if I can’t?”

“Don’t think like that,” Rafael said desperately. He wrapped his arm tightly around Matthew’s shoulders and Matthew leaned into him. “You’re a brilliant doctor and you care so much about your work. I’m sure you give your patients the best care you can.” He sighed. “God, I’m sorry. I just wish I could comfort you properly.”

“You are,” Matthew said, quietly. Sitting and sharing his warmth in Juliana’s bright home was a comfort he hadn’t imagined. He thought of the empty days that followed his sister’s death, that he could barely remember. He remembered Sienna curled up next to him as she listened to his story, and how his roommates had offered gentle sympathies when they learned about his sister. And now he was sat with one of the sweetest people he knew and it didn’t hurt quite so much anymore.

“Thanks again for inviting me out tonight,” he said.

“You’re welcome, but I should be thanking you,” Rafael smiled. “Your friends are good people.”

Matthew was glad to hear that, but frowned slightly.

“Do you really believe you don’t have much to offer us?”

“Oh!” Rafael looked surprised. “It’s just…you’ve come from all over the country with these crazy impressive medical backgrounds and now you’re at the best teaching hospital to learn from top doctors. I’m just a paramedic who applied to a nearby hospital and got in by luck of the draw. You were hand-selected on merit; you’ve got the brains and the talent to go as far as you want.”

Rafael was looking at Matthew earnestly, but Matthew shook his head.

“Rafael, you’re the guy who ran into a burning building to save a pregnant woman, and you think you’re not good enough? Forget school. You’ve got more courage and strength than anyone I know. And you’re humble, and down-to-earth and you take care of your family. Your grandma clearly adores you.” Matthew squeezed Rafael’s arm. “That’s what makes a person, not where you went to school.”

“Well…” Rafael looked surprised, but genuinely pleased. “I guess you’re right. And…when we’re together, it never felt like we were that different.”

He dropped his gaze. Matthew felt a little jolt of excitement.

“That’s because we’re not that different where it counts. I wouldn’t have told you all that stuff about my family if I didn’t trust you.” Matthew spoke in a gentle voice. “Please don’t ever feel that you’re not worthy. Because you are.”

Rafael met Matthew’s eyes, wide and vulnerable. He couldn’t speak for a moment, trying to process the fact that Matthew Valentine held him in such high regard.

“You are more than enough,” Matthew said, quietly.

Rafael blinked, his heart pounding. He had a lump in his throat, but the last thing he wanted to do was start crying so he didn’t even try to speak. He would have happily stayed on that porch just gazing at Matthew forever.

A shout came up from the street, where the children had started a rowdy game of tag. Rafael cleared his throat, and Matthew dug his phone out of his pocket to check the time, sighing in relief.

“You good for time?” Rafael asked.

Matthew nodded, and then gave a sly grin. “You mentioned samba dancing earlier…there’s still time for a lesson.”

Rafael laughed and stood up, offering Matthew his hand.

“Come on. We’re doing this.”

“What about music?”

“We don’t need music, trust me. We’ll feel it in our movements.”

He put one hand on Matthew’s waist and guided Matthew’s hand to his shoulder. Their spare hands were linked together.

“So we’re in position?” Matthew asked, trying to focus on Rafael rather than their proximity. “Now what?”

“Usually the man leads, but in the case of two men it comes down to who’s better at it.”

“That would be you,” Matthew grinned. “Lead away.”

“OK. First rule of samba, it’s all about the hips.” Rafael started counting a beat and rolled his hips expertly. Matthew did a double-take. He was really good at this.

“Try and copy me,” Rafael was saying.

Matthew blushed and started trying to match his step.

“Sorry, I’m not exactly god’s gift when it comes to dancing.”

“You’re doing great,” Rafael reassured him. “Everyone starts somewhere.” He shyly started to sing to help Matthew keep time, his voice rich and smooth.

“Holy crap, you can sing!” Matthew said in surprise.

“I haven’t had lessons or anything,” Rafael shrugged bashfully. “It’s just a little fun.”

“Maybe you should take lessons. I reckon you could go far with that voice.”

Rafael blushed again, but shook his head.

“Keep up the beat and I’m going to spin you. Ready?”

“Go for it?”

Rafael pulled Matthew into a spin. Matthew stumbled, Rafael instantly caught him round the waist and steadied him, both of them laughing now.

“Sorry, I’m so clumsy…” Matthew grinned, then looked up at Rafael’s face, inches away.

It wasn’t a massive height difference between them, and they were close enough for Matthew to see his brown eyes sparkling with pleasure under the light of the streetlamp. His lips were full, his teeth pearly-white. Matthew couldn’t quite remember the end of his sentence.

“Something’s on your mind, I can tell,” Rafael was saying, with a cheeky grin. “What is it?”

“I…” Matthew couldn’t help wondering if Rafael’s lips were as soft as they looked. “I’m thinking about kissing you.”

Rafael’s eyes widened. He inclined his head ever so slightly. Matthew leaned forward and gently pressed his lips against Rafael’s for a brief moment before pulling away.

“Better now,” he whispered, glancing up at him anxiously to gauge his reaction.

Rafael let out a rush of breath as he broke into the biggest smile Matthew had ever seen. He dropped his hand to slide his arms around Matthew’s waist.

“Do that again?”

Matthew barely had time for his own smile before their lips met again hungrily, more passionate than before.

To Matthew’s delight, Rafael’s lips were in fact softer than they looked. He tasted faintly of chocolate and smelled of home-cooking. Keeping one hand on Rafael’s shoulder, Matthew ran the other through his thick, curly hair, kissing him hard. He had wanted to do this for so long, and it felt like Rafael had wanted it too.

Rafael was holding Matthew close to him, kissing him tenderly, not quite able to believe that he was kissing such a talented, clever, handsome man. Matthew had a scent like coffee and old books and the chemically clean smell of hospitals which – somehow – smelled good coming from him.

Matthew finally broke away from Rafael’s lips to leave a trail of tiny kisses along Rafael’s jawline. He laughed quietly and nuzzled Matthew’s neck.

“I’m so glad you came after me tonight,” he sighed.

“Me too.”

They continued to just hold on to each other for a few minutes. Everything suddenly seemed to be glowing in a way that Matthew couldn’t describe. Just like the setting sun washing the city in gold, Rafael brought with him an exquisite light that just couldn’t be put into words.

“Will you show me that hip thing again?” Matthew asked shyly.

“Of course.” Rafael resumed their samba position. “It’s like this…”

The two of them continued to dance, laughing together as Matthew slowly got the hang of samba basics. The sky grew darker as the stars twinkled above them. Samba music played only in their heads…

#playchoices #open heart #rafael aveiro #mc x rafael aveiro

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