#constrictor kin

[50cal-fullauto-astarion]

horny, sulky, kinda mean, kinda roughhousing könig thought bc it's my birthday, it's 2:50am, i have been horny like a fuckin werewolf for like a week now. f!reader ig for talk about pussy.

So our man König doesn’t keep normal hours—not that you do, but dude is two days back from KorTac and pretty much strung out on the “fun” amphetamines KorTac req officers pass out like candy if you even wave smth that looks like a form at them. So kind of out of the worst of it, exhausted, but wired and feeling kind of shitty and toothy and wound up.

He wants to fuck. Easiest way to diffuse, decompress, and he’s hard as shit by the time he lumbers his way into bed with you—over you—all around you. You were reading off your kindle, not anymore. He plucks that shit right out of your hand and puts it behind him, tangling those long, heavy limbs around you like a boa constrictor.

“Was wondering when this was going to happen,” you say, hissing when he’s none to kind in nipping the skin of your neck, wrapping his arms around your torso, pushing your breasts up under your t-shirt. “Shit, you’re moody,” it’s half a laugh, and a grapple at not immediately just folding and giving into him. You like to bite, too.

“Give me your mouth,” he grunts, nose pushed into the spot behind your ear. He’s pushing down your underwear, singlemindedly stripping you down. His words make your skin humid, “Gonna play with your pussy, want you fucking wet for me.”

You give that little bit, turning your head over your shoulder, smirking into a kiss that drives deliriously deep as soon as contact is made. König isn’t a prim kisser, but a primal one. It’s not a clean act; sloppy, yes, and somehow tinged with something kin to restrained violence. Challenge? Dick swinging? Maybe something more biblical in nature—gluttony, or greed.

He’s a fearsome thing, and he may only be beautiful to you. A needful thing, too, twisting nest of starved serpents—6 feet 10 inches and pushing-300-lbs of fucking muscle, battering-ram-body housing more than thirty years of neglect-crushed memory out for retribution.

But you never were a target. He didn’t have a choice in that matter. You both know good and goddamned well that you picked him. Everything he gets away with is at your allowance, and good fucking Christ, he loves you for it.

His cock throbs against your bare ass through his boxers as his arm wraps around you, craning his hand to pump two big fingers into your sopping cunt, angling his wrist so he can press and rub your clit with his thumb.

Man’s got his perversions, and he’s the most physical person you’ve ever met in your life. He’s had a fraction of the sex he’s fantasized about, but you’ve covered hectares of that ground since you’ve gotten together. He’s a quick study, and his mind’s a nightmare of steel trap memory. He never forgets what you like.

Two fingers turn to three, and he almost pushes it to four—assured torture, too much stretch too fast—before you snap a hand around his wrist and buck hard back against him, seething his name in warning. “Don’t fucking dare.”

“Ja. Ja, Schatzi,” he mumbles, breathing hard and too collected. You’re both sweating already, and the bed feels too damn warm, but neither of you shift. The spooning position is perfect as-is, only needs acted upon. In the mean time, he draws his slicked fingers up, leaving them in the air before your mouth in question. He groans and shudders harshly when you take the digits into your mouth, almost laughing at the ever-fresh amusement of your own taste. Salt and cold coins, your own metallic tang a complement to the one on his skin. His voice shakes as he warns, “Time, now. It’s time, bitte, aw, fuck.”

Just like that, he sinks right into you, to the base, balls pressed tight against your lips due to your body’s contortioning to meld against his form. An ungodly moan bellows out of his throat, rattling from his chest into yours, arms tightening around you. You meet the fuck-weird noises, turning your head to keen into your pillows and pressing back against him. Your hand anchors behind you on his hip, as if pinning him in place, affixing your bodies together.

You both hang in a moment of suspension, hearts pounding, minds blank, stomachs rising as if careening over a hill with momentum not sparing you a moments reprieve.

When that finally snaps, you have to force him to focus, to fuck, and he’s slow about it, grinding into you as your cunt sucks him deeper.

That huge hand you know so well drops between your legs, right back to toying with you. Oh it doesn’t take long to get you off, bent in half on your side, holding onto him and gasping as you’re hit with wave after wave of pleasure.

He’s not subtle to signal when it’s his turn. He pulls you back up and clamps his teeth into your shoulder, biting down hard through the fabric of your shirt, fucking you rough, now, and unheeding, like an animal in heat. When he finally finishes, spasming and jolting all over now that his balls have been emptied into you, he leaves his heavy arm over your waist, keeping you close. “Good shit,” he mumbles, throat sticking to itself it’s so dry as he pants, parched, “we split a smoke?”

You’re not much better, even though you’ve bravado to fucking spare. “I smoke. You go the hell to sleep now,” you try to sound stern and dismissive, but there’s a laugh in your tone some place. And fondness, undeniably. You feel his grin against your neck, his body purring mhm in question. “Feel better?” you ask, at length, stroking the hair on his forearms.

“Yes,” he says after a moment, weak and sweet with relief, “can sleep now.” A pause, you can hear him thinking. “Won’t, though. Because you were an asshole and had to bring it up first.” His laugh wheezes, low and susurring.

[abyssal-maiden]

Serpent's Hearth Pt. 2: Bereft of Favor (18+)

Fem!Reader / Messmer

!!!MDNI!!!: 18+ ((future xbloodplayx xsmutx xpregnancyx xothersinsx))

XTouchStarvationxLightYanderexEnemiestoLoversxSizeDifferencex

Hey all! Bonus chapter tonight for contextual meat. The real fun begins tomorrow ;)! Please enjoy this pregame as I prepare your feast.

~~~<3

The scorned son sits in his darkened chamber as the movement of his serpent kin interupt his dissociative state. He was lost in yet another daydream reliving his childhood. His mother once ordered him to end his incessant whining, oh how the serpents coiled in his nascent ribs! She shoved a golden flask in his hands spiting vile as she did so.

“Avaunt from thine visage, knave mongral! Cease thine vex of thy presence known.”

He turned the flask over in his left hand, something between longing and abhorring twisted along the slithering within him. He holds his forehead in his palm, covers the tears that evaporate just outside of his eye duct. A lord who's curse would not allow the sanctity of expressing such desperation. A monster imprisoned in the flesh of a tool for an unforgiving order.

Even thine own mother detest me!

His lip pulls in the dark, trembling with self loathing. He was holding on to the hope she would whisk through the door any minute to accept him at last, but such thoughts were akin to the delusion of frenzy. He knew she would not come, yet felt the stinging of languish in the still air of his forgotten keep. The quivering ceases for a moment, he was sure you would return despite his solitude. The thought of your darkened eyes and your flowing hair, the disconnected look of violence encapsulating your gaze.

Why doth mine mind's eye plague with such visions?

A forked tongue brushes against his brow, he uncovers his golden gaze to the green stare of his larger constrictor. The soft flickering and bobbing of its head indicate concern. He cups his face, running his hand down and sighing.

“Tis not a worthy concern, Purkoy.”

The serpent sways in disapproval but presses no further, facing away in its own trance of disconnection. Miel, the other, sleeps on the opposing armrest to the one Messmer drapes over.

“Thy verdict is ill favored, cur.” He chuckles.

The man reminiscent of a phantom stands, moving silently from his perch through the darkened staircase adjacent his throne room. In the entrance hallway he waves his hand across the brick, the flame burning away the illusion that conceals his bedchambers entrance. The rhythmic sound of his ascension coupled with soft hissing occasionally. His body stoops and shifts as he works his way to the once extravagant garret in the rear tower of his throne house. The room is unkempt, surely, but opulent, a large circular bed across from a grandiose stone hearth. Above it a painting faded by age, the young Messmer standing shyly in front of his mother, a gaze of disinterest displayed on her face. He glances at her everwatching eyes as he moves to stand in the window, overlooking the path to the ruins of Enir-Ilim, his final charge. He looks tiredly into the ravine before settling in a warn armchair that had cracked severely over the decades. There he spent most sleepless nights, staring off into the void of his existence , reliving old memories.

~~~

Fate would have it your presence was not so unwelcomed the next morning. You enter as you always have, materializing at the unseen grace and pushing the door open. He stands and says nothing, spear poised in his grasp. He leaps to the ground and strides towards you, stopping to stand upon his crest in the center of the desolate hovel.

Why isn’t he attacking?

Your eyes narrow through your helm, usually trained on his hand movements. You peer upwards to find his eye boring into your own pair. His expression unsurprisingly reserved, yet a hint of uncertainty as his eye darts to different details in your armor.

Why is he looking at me like that?

No matter, you huff and lunge toward him, the clang of his spear indicates he accepts the flurry. That recognizable heat which licks at you through the joints in your armor. As you engage you swear a faint smile appears on his face.

Is he…enjoying this?

You try to shake off the thought as a swirling of flames barrel’s toward you. His limbs could reach you across the room, and they do, giving little time for you to roll away. Your blows never seem to slow him down, but today he is clumsy. His head keeps ducking to view your eyes through the slitted metal face. The way the reptilian orb peers at you sends shivers through you.

What the fuck is he doing?

The distraction is enough for him to grasp you in flames tossing you like a rag to fall flat into his spear. You slide down onto the cold blackened metal gurgling and moaning in agony. His breath is hot and brief on your ear. A silken tone laced with the menace of authority.

“Below mine domain lies a ruined place forgotten by all but mine pets. An audience with thee at high moon.”

You're unable to respond before you experience the flames ripping through your core with ferocity, burning you to embers as you hang from his fiery impalement.

“...Fuck…you...” your words rasp gently against his ear canal as you dissipate.

He savors the insult and laughs to himself as he’s left alone, pinching his brow as his head falls back.

“What manner of folly doth I wrought upon mine self?”

Master List

Previous // Next

[petra-creat0r]

I posted 599 times in 2022

That's 198 more posts than 2021!

286 posts created (48%)

313 posts reblogged (52%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@miamouse-va

@atdffpetra

@catboymoments

@lemonbellflower

@askthedreemurr-fontfamily

I tagged 150 of my posts in 2022

#fan kid - 110 posts

#undertale fan kid - 90 posts

#fanchild - 90 posts

#fan child - 89 posts

#undertale fankid - 69 posts

#undertale fan child - 68 posts

#undertale fanchild - 61 posts

#ish fan kid - 59 posts

#undertale-ish - 54 posts

#ut fan kid - 32 posts

Longest Tag: 101 characters

#i can handle not being able to afford lunch on my own but not being too broke for the cool dide shirt

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Alador Blight x Darius Deamonne?

Okay I really like how she turned out. She's mine. I'm keeping her.

89 notes - Posted July 24, 2022

#4

A fankid of Edric and Hunter?

I have no other info on them other than, gender is up to interpretation and they like bird.

No, I don't know if that budgie is a palisman or not. It also doesn't have a name. Also again, thinking of making these into adopts. Is, anyone, interested?

95 notes - Posted July 11, 2022

#3

DAH PAPYTON!!! my babies.

Broadway the Skeleton

Full name: Broadway Felicity Blook

B-Day: November 27th, 2020

Age: 11 (In 2031)

Glee/Glam She/Her They/Them

-Wants to be a famous idol like glare Dadaton. Idolizes him and Marilyn Monroe

-Loves to put on fashion shows with glare siblings. When glee's older, ends up becoming a fashion designer.

-Ghost magic (can phase through stuff) + Mettaton EX attacks.

-Owns at least 15 feather boas and has a pet boa constrictor named Noodle.

Rexi the Robo-Goat

Full name: Reximus Xavier Blook

B-Day: June 4th, 2021

Age: 11 (In 2031)

He/They

-Was adopted by Papyrus and Mettaton when he was 5. After Broadway met them after the couple bring him home, Broadway offered Rexi to be in glare latest fashion show. The two have been inseparable since.

-His arms are prosthetics made by Alphys. Underneath, they're missing their left fore arm and have a deformed right.

-Has plant magic. Kins Isabella from Encanto

-Will find someone's insecurities to rip them apart, however does this to hide his own insecurities.

Chicago the Puppet

Full name: Chicago Ghost/Garamond Blook

B-Day: September 7th, 2022

Age: 9 (In 2031)

He/Him

-Found Spamton packed away with Kris's old stuff in the garage one day. They've pretty much been inseparable since.

-Is trying to be a media influencer with his friends, however he is really terrible at it. He's much better at inventing, which he's also more passionate about.

-Magic Puppet strings

-Has a crush on Taffita "Taffy" Cottonheart, one of the kids in his friend group. A charming and somewhat flirtatious pink rabbit.

See the full post

106 notes - Posted March 29, 2022

#2

Is Deltarune allowed? If so then SUSELLE SUSELLE SUSELLE SU

SUSELLE!!!!!

Babies! Also these are redesigns of the ones I've already made.

Donny the Kirin

Full name: Donner Wolf Holiday

B-Day: October 31st, 2031

Age: 10 (In 2041)

He/Him

-Likes to hide under beds and scare people.

-Loves making holiday decorations with cardboard.

-Ice magic. Horns glow and get magicy when he casts magic.

-Acts like a punk. Really just wants cuddles.

Cupid the Dino

Full name: Cupid Eve Holiday

B-Day: February 13th, 2033

Age: 8 (In 2041)

She/Her

-Has a itty bitty tail she hides under her dress

-Can perfectly mimic the "Wide Susie" pose.

-Giant. Axe.

-Looks cute and innocent but is ready to snap.

128 notes - Posted April 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

@xxtc-96xx finally got me to draw babytwos guys. To be fair, when I found out Newts new twins are also named Lilac and Lavender, I had to draw them with my trainersonas.

the Bluegum twins would be very excited to meet some babytwos.

516 notes - Posted October 4, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[a-trench-coat-of-confused-worms]

top 5 favorite animals: the aye-aye ,orangutans,polar bears,boa constrictors,tarantula's, eastern red bat

Three favorite minecraft mobs: bee's, rabbits,piglets

Idk any vocaloid or singing monster songs but my favorite album at the moment is ice nine kills:silver scream why: bc it's based off all the classic horror movies and the storyline inside the songs is also really good and the vocals are fucking amazing

Favorite and least favorite texture: my favorite texture is cold metal(idk why) my least favorite is that like fuzzy silk like skirt stuff? Idk what it's called but last time I was forced to wear it I sobbed bc of how much I hate how it feels lol

Not your favorite color but your favorite palette: these shades of green.

Favorite book you had to read for school: my favorite book had to be the one and only ivan I cried so hard in class bc of that book

How do you think of the months : I think of them in calendar order in my head like january top left December bottom right

assigned harry potter/ilvermorny house or Percy Jackson cabin or Warrior cats clan something like that lol (if you don’t have anything like that, star sign works too!)

I'm in Athena's cabin and I am a pisces

MBTI???? Love those things :33 (If you haven’t taken the test yet or u just don’t wanna cuz it’s too long, are you a solider poet or king?)

I got soldier

something “cringe” you actually rly like, no shame here :D

Cosplay(idk if it's considered cringe anymore but yeah) k-pop, kawaii fashion, and I like doing the hand movement things from like musically era of cosplay it's just fun to do it lmao and bnha

characters from shows/movies/games you kin/stan/just adore!! NOT ACCEPTING IRL PPL PLZ AND THANK U :D (unless it’s urself, we like self love in these parts)

Janet and michael from the good place the doggo from dead end(I just adore these guys)

5 people you’d wanna be at a party with and why! (Can be alive or dead, real or fake, celebrities or randos, humans or otherwise :D)

Sakiyaki-sashimi, waitingforthesunrise, my abuelo, my uncle, and Tahani

favorite hobby/fandom specific term and its meaning :333

Aspiring author and my favorite thing to write is psychological horror I like trapping the main character in their mind or isolating them and the monster not ever being truly seen so it just slowly drives the main character into madness as they slowly unravel until they either get outside help or die

@waitingforthesunrise

Get to know you questions!! Tag whoever you like :D

Writing my answers in orange!

1) top 5 or top 10 favorite animals (depending on how many animals you like)

Hermit Crabs, Pigeons, Otters, Anglerfish, Shrimp, Cats, Manned Wolves, Salamander, Sheep, Axolotls :D

2) top 3 Minecraft mobs

Mooshroom, chicken, and parrot!!!

3) favorite vocaloid song or My Singing Monsters island theme and why! (If you don’t like/know Vocaloid/MSM, just name a song or genre you like and why :D)

Fav Vocaloid song is Brain Explosion girl recently, and fav MSM theme HAS to be cold island. Or maybe earth???? Hm

4) favorite and least favorite textures, no why needed :333

Fav is squishy soft things, least favorite is ice in a freezer

5) not your favorite color, but your favorite color palette (bonus points if you have a pic of the specific palette or a photo/artwork of the pallet you like!!)

Purple, Green, Orange, Pink, and Black! Total Halloween vibes!!

6) fav book you had to read for school (fiction or non fiction work lol, and if you don’t like/have any then just name a book or fanfic you like!)

Of Mice and Men was surprisingly amazing! Thought I’d hate it tbh

7) how do you think of the months of the year in your head? Left to right, top to bottom, in specific numbered rows and columns? Tell me :D

I think of it like this:

January, February, March, April

May, June, July, August

September, October, November, December

8) assigned harry potter/ilvermorny house or Percy Jackson cabin or Warrior cats clan something like that lol (if you don’t have anything like that, star sign works too!)

I’ll do em all lol: Slytherin/Hufflepuff, Pukwudgie, Dionysus’s, RiverClan, I’m an Aries sun/gemini rising/pisces moon :D

9) MBTI???? Love those things :33 (If you haven’t taken the test yet or u just don’t wanna cuz it’s too long, are you a solider poet or king?)

I’m an ENFP-T! I thought I’d get king but I got poet lol

10) something “cringe” you actually rly like, no shame here :D

Gacha Life/Club, the styles just so cutesy! Ohhh also K-Pop, I’m a TOTAL stay :33 and DSMP, it’s just rly cool to me

11) characters from shows/movies/games you kin/stan/just adore!! NOT ACCEPTING IRL PPL PLZ AND THANK U :D (unless it’s urself, we like self love in these parts)

For me I currently kin Dazai, Edward Elric, c!TommyInnit, and I completely STAN any Project Sekai character. I mean any of them.

12) 5 people you’d wanna be at a party with and why! (Can be alive or dead, real or fake, celebrities or randos, humans or otherwise :D)

My grandpa to see him again, Roy mustang to see if he’s a bastard irl, Hachi/Kenshi Yonezu just to see how he’s doing, Kanye West to just ask him why, and BeastChild (the YouTuber) just cause I really like his stuff and would wanna meet him!

13) favorite hobby/fandom specific term and its meaning :333

I’m a writer (well, aspiring anyway, I’m not rly that good) and I love the idea of the sexy lamp. Basically if you’re writing a female character that could be replaced with a sexy lampshade and nothing about the story changes then you’re writing a BAD FEMALE CHARACTER XD

Cause it’s spooky season il leave it at 13 ;)

Happy answering!!!

No pressure tags :3 @touratoura @theancientwonder @kneecoal-mooma @citrushomie @skytheamazing @mitski-slope @a-trench-coat-of-confused-worms @dicklesswonder-blog @vicaridoo

[britishassistant]

When I Took You In (1)

(Snake Summoner Mayu AU, because I have no control over my brain.)

It is bitterly cold in the mountains.

Ikuchi should not be here. She should be nesting down in a warm cave, belly fat and full, sleeping til the spring.

But the summoner has commanded she undertake this mission. It is a task beneath the summoner’s dignity, but the client is willing to pay good coin for its completion.

Enter the samurai nest. Find the hatchling of the client’s kin. Kill it.

She had been selected for her pale scales, her small size, her venom.

The summoner had remarked these made her perfect for infiltrating the snowy mountains the nest was hidden in with a cruel smile.

Manda is all too willing to swallow even small snakes like her who refuse or question the summoner’s commands.

She does not wish to be eaten yet.

So she slithers through another snowdrift, desperately praying to the Sage that she won’t freeze before she even arrives.

She stopped being able to see a while ago.

Her tongue feels like it will snap clean off if she tastes the icy air too frequently.

Only the faintest sensation of vibrations keeps her from curling in on herself to preserve whatever smidgeon of warmth she has left.

Only that makes her push her frozen muscles to keep going, heading towards rather than away as her instincts feebly hiss.

Where there are vibrations, there are humans.

Where there are humans, there is heat.

She will not freeze if there is heat.

She will not die on this Sage-forsaken mountain. She will not.

She forces herself to crawl forwards.

Ikuchi is so so cold.

She stiffly twines herself up and around something not-alive, slithering cautiously over new terrain with tiny bumps in it.

There is no snow anymore, thank the Sage, but it is still so so cold.

She cannot even taste anything anymore.

Her head bumps into something else. She noses it carefully.

Not-alive. Safe to climb.

She sluggishly heaves herself up the not-alive thing.

There are faint vibrations coming from above her. She needs to get to the vibrations. She’ll die if she can’t get to them.

If she could just heave herself over the edge of this not-alive thing—

Heat.

Lovely, warm, delicious heat.

She twines eagerly around the source, burrowing her head under where it is hottest, letting out a hiss of contentment as the cold burns out of her blood.

Aaaah.

The heat source rises and falls rhythmically, a gentle thud-thud-thud vibration filling her senses.

She shuts her eyes and lets herself drift in the warmth.

She is jostled awake when the heat source lets out a snuffly noise and wriggles slightly before settling.

As the heat source has saved her from dying an ignoble death via cold, she graciously decides not to bite it to stop it from moving.

Instead she retracts her head from the warmest spot to get a good feel for what exactly her new warmth generator is.

Her tongue flickers out over soft, faintly downy skin, over small features that scrunch up at the inspection before smoothing back out in sleep.

It’s a human hatchling. A very young one at that, barely a few days out of the egg at her best guess. Or was it weeks for humans? Or maybe months?

Humans are strange, Ikuchi reflects.

They’re so vulnerable for so long early in life, it’s a miracle that any of them even survive to adulthood.

That’s probably why the adult humans that are running around are so hardy. The summoner is proof enough of that.

Though other adult humans calling for the deaths of hatchlings, like the client, probably don’t help survival rates much.

Wait.

The client.

The mission.

Ikuchi pokes her head over the edge of the hatchling’s resting place and tastes the air.

A bigger human, also asleep.

Stuffy cloth.

Tatami mats.

Sharp metal. Lots and lots of sharp metal.

She retreats back down and noses over the hatchling, searching its cloth coverings until she finds what she was hoping she wouldn’t.

A stylized bird with wings raised, its beak piercing its own breast to draw blood.

The symbol of the client and his kin. The kin whose hatchling she’s supposed to kill.

Well.

Hm.

She settles her head back down in the warmest spot, burrowing under where the hatchling’s head meets its body and tries to think.

It’s...regrettable that the hatchling is what saved her from an icy death. But she has a job to do. A mission to complete.

It’s not like she particularly wants to do it. No, no, if she had it her way, she’d gladly bite the summoner and the client for good measure. Teach them for sending her to die in the cold for worthless bits of round metal.

But she has to complete the mission. Manda will eat her for failing the summoner otherwise.

All it will take is one tiny little bite. The hatchling will only suffer for a few moments.

...Okay, more like several minutes. It’s not like it’s her fault the venom will take longer because the hatchling is so big. She’s not a constrictor!

She flicks her tongue out irritably.

One bite.

Just one bite is all it would take.

Then she could be back in the caves with her brothers and sisters and never have to think about warm hatchlings and their weak, pathetic, pitiful death throes ever again.

The hatchling above her makes a little cooing noise and shifts above her, covering more of her coils in warmth as it squirms.

It even considerately takes some of its weight off of where she was beginning to feel a bit squashed.

She finds it distinctly annoying that this tiny human she’s supposed to kill has done more for her than her own summoner.

At this rate, she’d rather throw her lot in with it instead of continuing to—

Wait.

She pokes her head up again, considering the hatchling.

...Below average chakra reserves. But those should increase as it grows, right?

And she could help guide its growth.

Make it a much better summoner than her current one, or even his student.

Perhaps most importantly, she knows the Great Snake Sage will not let Manda eat her if she is contracted to another summoner.

He had thrown a tantrum when the summoner’s student had turned on him, but the Sage had not let him eat those snakes contracted to the student. She will be safe from his wrath.

In the caves at least. If they meet on the field of battle, she’ll be fair game.

But even one safe haven from Manda is better than none.

The scroll is heavy and difficult to unravel for a snake her size.

Still, she gets it open and props it up against the wall of the hatchling’s resting place.

After ensuring that the right segment is where she needs it to be, she twists around to look at the tiny human,

The hatchling looks back at her.

Its dark grey eyes do not focus on her, moving with the restless blindness of the very young.

“I am Ikuchi of Ryuichi Cave.” She hisses softly. “By your blood on this contract, we will become bonded. Do you accept?”

The hatchling gurgles.

Close enough.

She carefully pricks the hatchling’s finger with her lower fangs.

It wouldn’t do to poison her summoner.

Not yet anyway.

The hatchling whines, wiggling weakly as if that would make the pain stop. Blood beads on the appendage, bright red and hot.

She coils her tail around the tiny, soft wrist, and guides it to drag against the blank space on the parchment.

A rush of chakra.

A sensation not unlike a successful shed, useless dead scales sloughing away for gleaming new ones to take their place.

Ikuchi hisses in pleasure.

Ah. Her summoner is crying.

Squalling really, red-faced and snotty-nosed, thoroughly miserable.

The bleeding on its hand hasn’t stopped. It looks like it might have gotten worse, actually.

Ikuchi racks her brain for what little she knows about human physiology and healing.

Did the bastard summoner say it was saliva or excrement that slowed bleeding?

A shadow falls over the resting place.

She coils back on the chest of her summoner, ready to strike at the intruder. Did the client already send another assassin, despite paying the bastard summoner? Was betrayal planned from the beginning?

The adult human above them has its teeth bared in threat, eyes furious yet frightened.

“Get the hell away from my daughter.” It snarls, drawing a short blade from its midsection.

What?

Oh.

It’s trying to defend its hatchling.

Ikuchi reluctantly slithers off of her summoner’s chest and does her best to look small and unassuming.

The human scoops up her summoner in a flash, one hand cradling its head while the other bares the blade, ready to strike at any moment. It’s an instinct she approves of, even if it is completely pointless in this particular instance.

She curls up in the warm spot her summoner left behind, and announces, “I intend no permanent harm to the hatchling. It is contracted to me, and in my best interests to protect it.”

The human’s face creases in confusion, before its eyes land on the contract scroll.

Color drains from its face.

Huh. Ikuchi hadn’t known humans other than the bastard summoner could look like that. Maybe it was indicative of an emotion the bastard summoner felt all the time.

“Jirou!” The adult human’s shout is nearing a scream, eyes never leaving Ikuchi for a moment. “Jirou, get in here right now!”

[the-delta-42]

War Circle 2

Michael followed Caline into her apartment.

“Thanks for letting me stay until I’ve found a place of my own.” Said Michael, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment, “I’ll be gone before you know it.”

“It’s fine.” Said Caline, going to her computer, her eyes elsewhere.

Michael looked at her and frowned.

“Is everything alright?” Michael asked, walking over to Caline.

“Yeah, everything’s fine.” Said Caline, unconvincingly.

Michael gave her a look that made her groan and turn to face him, “You know that Principle Damocles gave you a list of students that can’t be punished?”

“Yeah, some kid whose parents are bankers, the mayor’s daughter and the child of a diplomat, why?” Michael cocked his head.

“Two of them are in my class,” Said Caline, “and in order to punish them, I have to punish the whole class, it doesn’t help that Boaa and I have a mental link and he’s telling me to kill them every time I start to get angry at them.”

“So, you remain passive to prevent yourself from killing them.” Said Michael, Wynnter resting on his shoulder.

Wynnter looked at the Snake Kwami, “Boaa, you know that our main objective is to remain hidden, no matter what.”

The snake only said, “Meh.” Before he shoves three whole grapes into his tiny mouth.

“That will always scare me, no matter what.” Said Michael, watching Boaa’s jaw unhinge.

“It’s not the worst thing he eaten.” Said Caline, turning to face Michael, “I have some spare blankets in the closet, you can have the couch.”

Michael nodded, quietly walking over to the closet. Caline had the sinking feeling that Michael wasn’t telling her something.

WC

Marinette quietly growled in frustration. Her dad and Michael did not last part on the best terms five years ago, Marinette didn’t remember what the argument was but she knew that it had caused the relationship between her father and brother to become very strained, to the point where Michael had ceased all contact with them until he reappeared a couple of days ago and even then, he avoided actually stepping foot into the bakery.

Marinette considered contact Toby and Skye, but Toby was on tour and Skye was in the middle of a case. Marinette huffed, thinking back to when she found out that Michael was now working at her school.

Marinette went stiff, Michael was close to Ms. Bustier, he was fond of her, Marinette had seen the type fondness once before and that was between her parents.

Marinette swallowed as she started to pull up a plan on getting her dad and brother on good terms again.

A floor below, Tom was quietly cleaning the kitchen of the bakery. Ever since that nasty girl from Marinette’s class returned, Marinette had started to become more stressed, from school, from being the class president, from her designs, from her duties as Ladybug. Tom frowned, he and Sabine had known Marinette was Ladybug for a while now, having caught Tikki as she was raiding the cookie jar in the kitchen. The little God had tried to pass herself off as a cat, that could float and was bright red covered in spots.

Tom was vaguely aware of the television reporting the day’s Akuma attack.

“An attempt to gain Ladybug’s Miraculous was foiled by two unseen before heroes who departed the scene shortly after the Akuma was dealt with.”

“Remove your hands from my kin.” Came a recording of the incident, Tom poked his head out from the Bakery and looked at the TV screen. The owner of the voice looked around Michael’s age and wore what looked like a casual suit under his trench coat, Tom squinted, noting that the amount of weaponry gave him a rather heavy-set appearance.

Chat Noir then appeared on the screen.

“At first, we all thought they were more Akumas,” Said Chat, “Given how they appeared out of nowhere.”

“What did he mean when he said kin?” Nadja asked.

“He said he was Ladybug’s older brother,” Said Chat, “from what he said, he and his friend have been in this for a while and came out of retirement.”

“Did they give a name?”

“He said his name was Timber Wolf and his friend was called Constrictor.”

Sabine turned the television off, before looking at Tom, “Michael’s come home.”

Tom nodded quietly.

WC

Michael glared down at the computer on his desk, quietly grumbling as he looked at the data cache and the number of viruses he’d found.

“You’d think the guy before me would’ve taken precautions, but nooo, they just opened everything and didn’t bother to do updates, virus checks or even turn the bloody thing off.” Michael muttered, before his door opened, “If you have a problem with a computer, please mark the room and computer number on the board and I’ll get back to you.”

When Michael received no response, he raised his head, coming face to face with an Italian Brunette.

“Can I help you?” Michael asked, shortly.

“Hi, I’m having trouble logging onto the computer in the library.” Said the girl, making Michael frown.

“The only computer is the one the librarian uses.” Said Michael, leaning back in his chair.

“She said I could use it.” The girl quickly said, “I need it so I can print off my homework.” The girl had her hand over her heart.

Michael folded his arms and looked at the girl.

“What’s your name?” Michael asked, getting the girls eyes to light up, ‘Great, one of those.’

“I’m Lila Rossi.” Said the girl, making Michael close his eyes.

“Lila, do you know what a tell is?” Michael asked, opening his eyes and glaring at the girl.

Lila looked worried, making Michael think that she did know and was thinking she was screwed or that she didn’t know and thinking she was screwed.

“It’s a poker term, it’s often used to tell when someone is bluffing.” Said Michael, slowly getting to his feet, “It’s also used to tell when someone is lying. Now, I’m only going to ask once, what is the real reason you want to get onto a Staff member’s computer?”

Lila looked to the side, making Michael glance over at the list of students.

“You want to lock someone out of their account.” Said Michael, matter-of-factly.

“N-no, why would you say that?” Lila demanded, trying to act offended.

“You lied by saying that Librarian gave you permission to use her computer, you have a terrible poker face, coupled with an obvious tell, you then looked at the student roster, which has the students names as well as their learner IDs, so you could easily locate the account, you need a Staff members PC to access the files and, this is the best part, you tried to get sympathy because you couldn’t print off you ‘homework’ from someone used to yell at cadets for lying to them.”

Lila gave him a blank look.

“I was a soldier and besides, you wouldn’t’ve been able to change any passwords anyway, only members of staff can do that, which is why you came here, probably hoping that I’d just hand you control of my computer.” Michael stopped and looked down at the screen, “Why, in the name of fuck, have you not even started up yet?!”

Michael punched the computer, sending it off the desk and onto the floor.

“Well fuck.” Said Michael, as he looked down at the shattered screen, “Another thing, Ms. Rossi-”

Michael looked up at Lila, only to find that she’d vanished.

“Well, I should expect a visit from the Principle later.” Michael muttered, going back to his, now destroyed, computer.

True to form, Damocles came storming into the IT office.

“YOU’RE FIRED!” Yelled Damocles, making several students stop by the door.

“May I ask why?” Michael asked, casually leaning back in his chair, using his broken computer as a foot stool.

“Attacking a student.” Said Damocles, making Michael raise his eyebrows.

“Do you have proof of such an occurrence?” Michael asked, a small smirk falling onto his face.

“The student’s word is all I require.” Said Damocles, stiffly.

“Well, I have visual and audio recordings that will say the student is lying and that you fired me under false pretences and that you are inept at your job.” Michael responded, making Damocles fume.

“What recordings?” Damocles asked, a small crowed of student now hanging around the IT office, including Caline and her class.

“The security camera up in the corner and the tape recorders over by the cabinet.” Said Michael, “And before you say the camera’s broken, it was, I fixed it and the recorders needed testing and I know that at least seven of them work.” Michael’s expression then went cold, “And before you decide to ‘fire me’, I should probably remind you that no one wants to work at this school due to the Akumas running around and, that I can literally knock the school off the network for a good month, give or take.”

Damocles silently fumed, before turning on his heel and stomping out.

“Dickhead.” Michael muttered, turning back to the computer he was setting up.

The crowed slowly dispersed, leaving Caline and her class.

“Who’s that?” Alix asked, looking at Michael.

“That is the new IT specialist.” Said Caline, looking at the class, “Any questions?”

“Yeah, but who is he?” Kim asked.

“That’s my older brother.” Said Marinette, getting a double take from the class.

“You have a brother?”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell us!”

“How fast is he?”

“He’s kinda cute.”

Everyone looked at Juleka, who turned red.

“He can hear you.” Said Michael, not looking away from his computer, “Unless you have a question, I’d like to be left in peace before I lose it and destroy the computer.”

Caline quickly ushered her students back to their classroom, completely forgetting about the calming exercises that she had her class do. Michael quietly grumbled, as he continued to set up the new computer.

A couple of hours later, Michael heard a quiet knock on his office door. Looking up, Michael spotted his sister and a couple of her friends.

“Little one,” Said Michael, getting to his feet, “I’m going to assume that this isn’t a social call.”

“We need you to pull up Lila’s records.” Said Marinette’s friend, Alya, if Michael wasn’t mistaken.

“I’m not allowed to do that.” Said Michael, “Besides, what do you need them for?”

“Lila said that, um,” Alya stammered, struggling coming up with an excuse.

“Lila claimed to be Rena Rouge and Alya had the wake-up call that made her realise that Lila is lying.” Said Marinette, making Alya gape at her.

“Ah, so you want to debunk all her lies.” Said Michael, looking at them, “Unfortunately, her school records won’t be of much use, but I hear Google is a good alternative.”

A look of realisation dawned on Alya’s face, before she said “Oh.”

“Due to a line in my employment contract, I can’t punish her, even if I was a teacher.” Said Michael, leaning back, “So, I can’t help you directly.”

Marinette grinned, before dragging Alya and her other friend away from the office.

Michael could’ve sworn he heard Alya ask Marinette why she didn’t use a cover story. Michael smiled and shook his head, before turning a look at the computer, which had finally booted up. Michael’s face fell and immediately got on the phone.

“Barbra,” Said Michael, his tone grave, “could you send Damocles down here, please?”

A/N: Slow chapter, but the story will expand, but it will mainly follow Michael, Bustier and Marinette, other Characters will be part of the narrative but I’m just putting it out there, I have no idea what I’m planning with this.

[thefallenofbajhiri]

The Fantasia Bargaining

Continuation from >> HERE <<

@gildedandgolden - It was at this moment that Aure finally realized that he... royally fucked up... at least Toshi is being sorta nice...? Keyword being sorta... lol

Aure might have been putting on a good face, putting up a good attempt to fight the fear that was beginning to swell up in his gut but Toshi knew well enough that the fear was there. He could see it and practically taste it in the air as he glowered at the transformed man before him. Somehow he was actually managing to keep this form stabilized... and actually maintaining it. Perhaps it was out of his anger that this form wasn’t beginning to fall apart and fray...

The way Aure’s new form showed off his fear as well... it got the Voidsent to simply smirk as he continued to grip at the Miqo’te’s chin now... watching him ever so carefully. Honestly, Toshi expected Aure to bite him or attempt to fight back but perhaps he was petrified by that fear that he was attempting to hide and failing at doing so. 

Slowly the coils carefully moved and Aure was going to be feeling that serpentine body wrapping ever so carefully around his waist. An idea of the muscle in that form as well as the potential power that it had, it could likely just crush him if Toshi wrapped around him fully like a constrictor and squeezed. But at least the Voidsent wasn’t going to... he was just going to put more fear into the newly transformed Miqo’te.

A low purr came out of the Voidsent as he smirked ever so slightly “You sold yourself to me the moment you agreed to what I asked for. You belong to me... more now than before you drank the potion.” he let out, calming down enough so that his words were no longer being drawn out “There are many things I can do to you that would... well make your life so much worse but how about I simply let you know just what it was you consumed.”

Toshi grinned in a devilish manner as he said that “The potions that I make are quite like the Fantasia’s that many others sell however...” there was a pause “They contain my own blood... my flesh in some cases... they are also made from the various parts of other voidsent. As you learned... it works just like the rest but...” the smirk that curled up on those lips and he simply left it at that. Leaving Aure to wonder just what he meant... what things could come from the fact that the man had consumed the blood of a voidsent and one that obviously held a lot of power.

“As for what I can do to make you suffer more...” Toshi purred more leaning in a bit so that he was eye level and close to Aure’s face “I saw the things trying to grasp at you in your sleep... and if they are much like my kin then I can easily pull them from whatever void they dwell in. Bring them here to haunt and torment you...” that devilish grin returned “They seem to clamber and fight for your Aether... and while I would be sad to see them take it...” the way he trailed off and that grin just grew broader. Yeah Aure... you really got yourself into a massive mess here... how were you going to get out of it?

[blogging-phelddagrif]

EDH Deck Tech: Anafenza’s Counterapalooza

[you can see every deck tech here]

Hello & welcome to this weekly deck tech! This time around it’s the moment to talk about EDH, and we’ve got something very special this week, a deck I just built for myself: Anafenza’s Counterapalooza! 

I wanted to build a deck around my favourite colour pairing to play, and Anafenza seemed like the perfect candidate, especially since I love +1/+1 counters as a mechanic. Her 1st ability is pretty useful in the deck, being able to make another creature grow each turn, especially on an aggressive body like hers; her 2nd ability isn’t too useful, though it does so happen to shut down Reanimator decks so that’s always fun. What follows is what I personally built as an EDH deck, on a budget, so I’m not saying it’s the BEST way to build her, but from what I’ve seen so far it’s INCREDIBLY fun and pretty solid! Here it goes!

Outlast Your Opponents

One of the best go-to mechanic for +1/+1 counters is obviously Outlast; it makes sure that if a game goes to a stale-mate or gets a bit long, you will gain the advantage. In EDH especially, this mechanic can get out of hand over the game, and most of the Outlast creatures offer some good utility on top of that. I’m talking about cards like Herald of Anafenza, Disowned Ancestor, Ainok Bond-Kin, Abzan Falconer, Tuskguard Captain, Abzan Battle Priest, Longshot Squad & Mer-Ek Nightblade. With those cards you can stall the game if needed and really out-value your opponent.

Bolster Your Troops

Another great way to utilize +1/+1 counters is to embrace the Bolster mechanic; making your smallest creature bigger so that you have no weak link, all your creatures become on an equal basis and each pull their own weight. Bolster works so damn well with Outlast tbh. I’d recommend running cards like Anafenza Kin-Tree Spirit, Dromoka Captain, Sandcrafter Mage, Dragonscale General, Dromoka the Eternal, Elite Scaleguard, Sandsteppe Mastodon & Gleam of Authority. Make sure you pump up all of your creatures and get a solid board.

Counters & Utility

There are various ways to use counters and gain benefits from them, stuff like straight up putting counters on creatures, moving them around, or having your creatures with counters gain some sort of bonus; Megamorph is actually a solid mechanic that goes well with the others. It would take way too long to discuss these cards individually, but I’d recommend running cards like Reyhan Last of the Abzan, Servant of the Scale, Warden of the First Tree, Avatar of the Resolute, Den Protector, Guardian Shield-Bearer, Abzan Beastmaster, Rishkar Peema Renegade, Sandsteppe Outcast, Armorcraft Judge, Daghatar the Adamant, High Sentinels of Arashin, Armament Corps, Battlefront Krushok, Ivorytusk Fortress, Juniper Order Ranger, Ridgescale Tusker, Sunscorch Regent, Enduring Scalelord, Inspiring Call, Scale Blessing, Sunbringer’s Touch, Abzan Ascendency, Citadel Siege, Cathar’s Crusade & Gavony Township. I know those are a lot of cards, but trust me that they’re all solid tools to help the deck run strong and smooth. The deck wants as much synergy as possible.

Flexible Removal

One thing Abzan has a good deal of is removal, so you need to use that advantage and have some good, flexible removal spells to deal with any problem you might encounter. I don’t recommend running too much of it, but just a few should be fine. Cards like Abzan Charm, Ainok Survivalist, Hidden Dragonslayer, Silumgar Assassin, Dromoka’s Command, Mortify, Putrefy & Retribution of the Ancients. With those you should have enough answers to deal with problematic cards that could get in your way.

Ramping Up

Any EDH deck, especially the ones using green, should be running some ramp cards; they ensure that you have a smooth gameplay with no mana problems. Plus, there are some ramp spells that have a great synergy with the deck! I’d run cards like Fertilid, Ainok Guide, Farseek, Map the Wastes, Explosive Vegetation, Golgari/Orzhov/Selesnya Signet & Abzan Banner. You could also run Kodoma’s Reach & Cultivate but I’m not sure what I’d cut for them to be honest... In any case, with those ramp spells you should have a smooth run.

More Counters

Now that you’re putting counters on everything, why not put even more? You have plenty of ways to augment or multiply the number of counters you put on stuff, granted some of them are very expensive money-wise, but there’s plenty of budget options too. I’d run cards like Hardened Scales, Pir Imaginative Rascal, Winding Constrictor & Corpsejack Menace. Honestly, even if you can just get one of them on the field it means you’re going to get out of hand very fast, and if you can land a few of them you’ve most likely won the game.

Wrap-Up

That’s it for the deck! I hope you guys enjoyed this deck tech as much as I did, because I really love this deck, so much that I built a physical version for myself! The deck is incredibly fun to play if you enjoy +1/+1 counters, and unless facing extremely controlling decks filled with board wipes you should have a good time. If I missed anything please let me know, but keep in mind that this is a budget deck (sitting at around 60$ for the whole thing). In any case, I’ll see you guys next week for a standard deck tech!

[stoicaswang84]

According to folklore, the Bungisngis is a one-eyed giant man with big teeth and two large fangs. His name is derived from the word 'ngisi' which means 'to grin' because he always grins and laughs. He is said to have a thick, protruding upper lip so large that he uses it to cover the top of his head like a hat. He has superb hearing. His thighs are extremely long that when he squats his knees are two spans higher than his shoulders. He dwells allegedly in the forests of Meluz, Orion, Bataan and carries a club, which he uses to kill prey. He has a voracious appetite for anything palatable from animals, fruits, vegetables, roots, to cooked food. Being a giant, the Bungisngis possesses incredible strength. Despite his hulking size and terrifying look, the Bungisngis is dim-witted. His kin in Northern Davao is known as Mahentoy while in Tayabas, Quezon a similar creature is called Bulislis.

The Three Friends - The Monkey, The Dog, and The Carabao

Once there lived three friends—a monkey, a dog, and a carabao. They were getting tired of city life, so they decided to go to the country to hunt. They took along with them rice, meat, and some kitchen utensils. The first day the carabao was left at home to cook the food, so that his two companions might have something to eat when they returned from the hunt. After the monkey and the dog had departed, the carabao began to fry the meat. Unfortunately the noise of the frying was heard by the Buñgisñgis in the forest. Seeing this chance to fill his stomach, the Buñgisñgis went up to the carabao, and said, “Well, friend, I see that you have prepared food for me.” For an answer, the carabao made a furious attack on him. The Buñgisñgis was angered by the carabao’s lack of hospitality, and, seizing him by the horn, threw him knee-deep into the earth. Then the Buñgisñgis ate up all the food and disappeared. When the monkey and the dog came home, they saw that everything was in disorder, and found their friend sunk knee-deep in the ground. The carabao informed them that a big strong man had come and beaten him in a fight. The three then cooked their food. The Buñgisñgis saw them cooking, but he did not dare attack all three of them at once, for in union there is strength. The next day the dog was left behind as cook. As soon as the food was ready, the Buñgisñgis came and spoke to him in the same way he had spoken to the carabao. The dog began to snarl; and the Buñgisñgis, taking offence, threw him down. The dog could not cry to his companions for help; for, if he did, the Buñgisñgis would certainly kill him. So he retired to a corner of the room and watched his unwelcome guest eat all of the food. Soon after the Buñgisñgis’s departure, the monkey and the carabao returned. They were angry to learn that the Buñgisñgis had been there again. The next day the monkey was cook; but, before cooking, he made a pitfall in front of the stove. After putting away enough food for his companions and himself, he put the rice on the stove. When the Buñgisñgis came, the monkey said very politely, “Sir, you have come just in time. The food is ready, and I hope you’ll compliment me by accepting it.” The Buñgisñgis gladly accepted the offer, and, after sitting down in a chair, began to devour the food. The monkey took hold of a leg of the chair, gave a jerk, and sent his guest tumbling into the pit. He then filled the pit with earth, so that the Buñgisñgis was buried with no solemnity. When the monkey’s companions arrived, they asked about the Buñgisñgis. At first the monkey was not inclined to tell them what had happened; but, on being urged and urged by them, he finally said that the Buñgisñgis was buried “there in front of the stove.” His foolish companions, curious, began to dig up the grave. Unfortunately the Buñgisñgis was still alive. He jumped out, and killed the dog and lamed the carabao; but the monkey climbed up a tree, and so escaped. One day while the monkey was wandering in the forest, he saw a beehive on top of a vine. “Now I’ll certainly kill you,” said some one coming towards the monkey. Turning around, the monkey saw the Buñgisñgis. “Spare me,” he said, “and I will give up my place to you. The king has appointed me to ring each hour of the day that bell up there,” pointing to the top of the vine. “All right! I accept the position,” said the Buñgisñgis. “Stay here while I find out what time it is,” said the monkey. The monkey had been gone a long time, and the Buñgisñgis, becoming impatient, pulled the vine. The bees immediately buzzed about him, and punished him for his curiosity. Maddened with pain, the Buñgisñgis went in search of the monkey, and found him playing with a boa-constrictor. “You villain! I’ll not hear any excuses from you. You shall certainly die,” he said. “Don’t kill me, and I will give you this belt which the king has given me,” pleaded the monkey. Now, the Buñgisñgis was pleased with the beautiful colors of the belt, and wanted to possess it: so he said to the monkey, “Put the belt around me, then, and we shall be friends.” The monkey placed the boa-constrictor around the body of the Buñgisñgis. Then he pinched the boa, which soon made an end of his enemy. Source: Filipino Popular Tales Collected and Edited with Comparative Notes By Dean S. Fansler (1921)

References Ramos, Maximo D. (1990) [1971]. Creatures of Philippine Lower Mythology. Quezon: Phoenix Publishing. p. 76.

[petra-creat0r]

DAH PAPYTON!!! my babies.

Broadway the Skeleton

Full name: Broadway Felicity Blook

B-Day: November 27th, 2020

Age: 11 (In 2031)

Glee/Glam She/Her They/Them

-Wants to be a famous idol like glare Dadaton. Idolizes him and Marilyn Monroe

-Loves to put on fashion shows with glare siblings. When glee's older, ends up becoming a fashion designer.

-Ghost magic (can phase through stuff) + Mettaton EX attacks.

-Owns at least 15 feather boas and has a pet boa constrictor named Noodle.

Rexi the Robo-Goat

Full name: Reximus Xavier Blook

B-Day: June 4th, 2021

Age: 11 (In 2031)

He/They

-Was adopted by Papyrus and Mettaton when he was 5. After Broadway met them after the couple bring him home, Broadway offered Rexi to be in glare latest fashion show. The two have been inseparable since.

-His arms are prosthetics made by Alphys. Underneath, they're missing their left fore arm and have a deformed right.

-Has plant magic. Kins Isabella from Encanto

-Will find someone's insecurities to rip them apart, however does this to hide his own insecurities.

Chicago the Puppet

Full name: Chicago Ghost/Garamond Blook

B-Day: September 7th, 2022

Age: 9 (In 2031)

He/Him

-Found Spamton packed away with Kris's old stuff in the garage one day. They've pretty much been inseparable since.

-Is trying to be a media influencer with his friends, however he is really terrible at it. He's much better at inventing, which he's also more passionate about.

-Magic Puppet strings

-Has a crush on Taffita "Taffy" Cottonheart, one of the kids in his friend group. A charming and somewhat flirtatious pink rabbit.

Maxi the Ghost

Full name: Maximilian Semi Blook

B-Day: May 17th, 2023

Age: 8 (In 2031)

They/Them

-8 months younger than Chicago. Was born a month prematurally. Still taller than Chicago

-Is really a ghost inhabiting an endoskeleton body. Mettaton brought home the endoskeleton one day when Maxi was 6 and they immediately went "MINE NOW." and started customizing it. They've been studying robotics and modifying their body with help from Alphys ever since.

-Has bone magic like Papyrus. This includes telekinesis. Has not mastered teleportation.

-While their font is Maximilian Antiqua, they often speak in a different font around others as they've realized their loud voice can be off putting.

-Likes cooking and baking like their Papa.

[thecreaturecodex]

Lunger

Artist unknown. © Kenzer and Co.

[Another Hackmaster creature that doubles as a neat exercise in speculative evolution. A terrestrial lungfish convergent on constrictor snakes? Yes please!]

Lunger CR 5 N Animal This creature looks something like a fish and something like a snake. Its eyes are large and bulbous, its broad head bears fanged jaws, and mucus oozes from its scaled body.

Lungers are terrestrial descendants of lungfish that become powerful ambush predators. A lunger spends its days lurking by watering holes or trees in order to grab prey in search of shelter or refreshment. Their crushing coils are aided by their thick, sticky mucus, which slows and entangles even those victims that escape a lunger’s grasp.

Lungers breathe air and do not need to live in water, but their eggs have no shells and require water to develop safely. Juvenile lungers live underwater until they reach about half of their adult size—five feet or so. Lungers are not social except when mating, and adult lungers will raid nesting pools for food when times are lean.

Variant Lungers Sawback lungers are more adept underwater than their common lunger cousins. A sawback lunger is a lunger with a land speed of 15 feet, a swim speed of 30 feet, and the hold breath special quality. A sawback lunger is CR 5. Rafter lungers are smaller kin to lungers that have adapted to living in rocks, trees and the attics and roofs of buildings. A rafter lunger has the young simple template and a climb speed of 20 feet. A rafter lunger is CR 4.

Lungers as Animal Companions Starting Statistics: Size Medium; Speed 30 ft. ; AC +3 natural armor; Attack bite (1d8 plus grab); Ability Scores Str 15, Dex 15, Con 16, Int 1, Wis 12, Cha 4; Special Qualities low-light vision, scent; Skill Modifiers +4 Climb, +4 Swim

7th-Level Advancement: Size Large; AC +3 natural armor; Attack bite (2d6 plus grab); Ability Scores Str +8, Dex -2, Con +4; Special Attacks constrict (2d6), entangling slime

Lunger                  CR 5 XP 1,600 N Large animal Init +6; Senses low-light vision, Perception +6, scent Defense AC 17, touch 11, flat-footed 15 (-1 size, +2 Dex, +6 natural) hp 63 (6d8+36) Fort +11, Ref +7, Will +5 Offense Speed 30 ft. Melee bite +9 (2d6+9 plus grab) Space 10 ft.; Reach 5 ft. Special Abilities constrict (2d6+9), entangling slime Statistics Str 23, Dex 14, Con 23, Int 1, Wis 12, Cha 4 Base Atk +4; CMB +11 (+15 grappling); CMD 23 (cannot be tripped) Feats Improved Initiative, Iron Will, Lunge (B), Stealthy Skills Climb +10, Escape Artist +6, Perception +6, Stealth +10, Swim +10; Racial Modifiers +4 Climb, +4 Stealth, +4 Swim Ecology Environment warm and temperate plains Organization solitary or pair Treasure incidental Special Abilities Entangling Slime (Ex) A creature that is grappled by a lunger must succeed a DC 19 Reflex save or become entangled in the lunger’s slime. This entangled condition lasts as long as the creature is grappled by the lunger and for 1d4+1 rounds thereafter. The slime may be scraped off with a full round action, or washed off with a gallon or more of weak acid or alcohol.

[butterfly-houses-sys]

Non kin question: who wants to see my snake, I got a boa constrictor

[deck16]

This is a continuation of the campaign journal of Adventures in Lyria. The first entry is here and you can see all entries here.

Act 2: Zilt’s Hollow

The party helped Zilt find a home for his kin, battling an oppressive necromancer in order to do so.

Adventure List

The Halfling Camp

The kobolds the party previously befriended had now purchased supplies and were ready to return to their swamp settlement. The party acted as an escort, motivated mostly by Zilt’s kinship with the kobolds, and partly by Calpurnia’s wishes to locate a kobold caster.

En route, they encountered a paladin named Titus. Titus claimed he had been robbed blind by nomadic halflings, and alleged these halflings also killed his comrade! The party negotiated with the halflings, and got Titus’ gear back non-violently. But not before being tricked into exploring a carrion crawler’s nest, and losing some money gambling on Dragon Chess. Scurrilous as they were, it turned out the halflings weren’t murderers. Titus stuck with the party to continue his search.

The leaders of the halfling camp – Maxim and Philomena – will be recurring NPCs.

Simserion’s Skulls

The kobold caravan arrived at the swamp settlement. The party dealt with the kobold Hux: a past rival of Zilt’s. But they could not best the necromancer Simserion, who ruled over the swamp with his undead/plant hybrid minions.

Simserion forced the kobolds to dig through the haunted swamp to find skulls from a historic past battle. His goal was unknown. The party had little choice but to help… for now. They assisted in collecting food and skulls, and dealing with swamp creatures, ghosts, and skeletons.

The confrontation with Hux culminated in a pitched struggle over the supplies. At the height of this squabble Simserion arrived with a host of undead/plant minions who made liberal use of hold person to shut down the fight and neutralise the party.

Titus was present for this. On seeing that the undead minions were his ex-comrades, Titus challenged Simserion, but was quickly held like the PCs. A druid with Simserion fed Titus a seed, turning him into one of those minions:

The woman prises Titus’ jaw open. From a pouch she pulls a small seed, about the size of a almond. She places it in his mouth and closes his jaw. Titus begins convulsing! His body shakes, though the holding magic prevents him from toppling over. He emits a strangled scream from his paralysed throat! Sickening tearing and snapping sounds emanate from his form! Thorn protrusions burst from the gaps in his armour, only to blossom into vines or short, leafy branches.

Zilt had a magical dagger that allowed him to see a short distance into the ethereal plane. This allowed the party to see a great number of ghosts haunting the swamp; ghosts that would otherwise only rarely be visible.

Ghosts of the Swamp

The party plotted against Simserion. They located and destroyed the corrupt tree that grew the seeds that turned people into undead/plant minions. They rescued some kobolds from Simserion’s minions. They made a deal with a powerful ghost in the swamp, who dried the waters to reveal a magical item.

Some of the rescued kobolds were being forced to deal with an ankheg lair not too far from Simserion’s base. The players investigated the lair instead, and that’s when Cyrus’ first serious metamagic failure happened: a fireball that badly hurt the party.

Tensions were running high between Cyrus and Lukil. The straw that broke the camel’s back was Cyrus’ lack of care about the remains of the dead in the swamp. Lukil demanded a fight, and eventually Cyrus agreed. To the surprise of all, the skinny eladrin sorcerer managed to open with a devastating punch to Lukil’s head (a critical hit) which earned him respect from the tall half-orc.

The intra-party tensions were getting to Zilt, too. During one of the arguments, he fled the kobold camp, and was unfortunately attacked by an arboreal constrictor snake. While being crushed to death, Zilt cried out for help. The bickering Lukil and Cyrus arrived to save him. This would be a key cathartic moment to meld the party.

The magic item was the Bellicent Torc, worn by Alula Bellicent. Quite powerful at mind-affecting magic, it allowed the ghostly Alula to remain cognisant of her fate, unlike all the other ghosts. At least, until it was taken from her corpse. Cyrus would make good use of this item during the campaign.

As you kneel down to take the torc, Alula calls out, "Wait! When you take that, I will likely lose all lucidness, and become like all other ghosts here. Before you take it, I have something to ask you. Do some good with it. Find some way to bring peace to Cantia with it, rather than war."

By the end of this act, the player map of the swamp had been rather… annotated. The faded red marks are my GM notes, normally invisible to players. Anything else in colour is their own addition.

Zilt’s Hollow

After weakening the necromancer, it was time to attack his lair. The party ventured into his underground lair. By pretending to be still working for the necromancer they managed to explore and find his kobold hostages. Then they attacked, defeating Simserion, Zenevieva Bellicent the corrupted druid, and the hosts of regular undead and undead/plant minions. The battle won, the kobolds rejoiced! They were now free from the necromancer that oppressed them and with a new underground home to boot! It was renamed “Zilt’s Hollow” in honour of the kobold who made it happen.

The battle against Simserion was a tense one. The undead/plant minions, retaining much of their cleric/paladin skills, were dishing out healing. The kobold hostages helped the party; Taklak the kobold sorcerer particularly helped even the odds.

Hux was found at Simserion’s base, seemingly in league with the necromancer! He and his crew didn’t join the final fight, and managed to elude the party.

Lukil would later use speak with dead to put the final pieces of Simserion’s plan together. He had been hired by Pheland Phylund (see Act One) to find Alula’s Torc. Simserion forced the native kobolds to collect skulls for speak with dead, narrowing down the location of Alula’s corpse. Zenevieva Bellicent, the druid, was working with him because her bloodline would best allow her to use the torc to aid in rebellion. While working together, the pair combined necromancy with druidism, using their discovery on Cuthbertine clerics sent to hunt Simserion down (Titus’ comrades).

Some of the undead/plant minions survived, including Titus. They were now free of Simserion’s control. Unable to be cured, they instead dedicated themselves to putting to rest the dead haunting the swamp. Much later on, when the party re-visited, they would be turning fully into trees, choosing to set root near Zilt’s Hollow.

For this session and perhaps one or two previous ones, we had had a new player. He played Varus the paladin, worked in as an associate of Titus. Despite being a good player, he declined joining long-term. Our game wasn’t his cup of tea. I think he wanted a darker experience. Personally, I don’t think my style either is especially light or dark, but I speculate that he saw the happy hugging and dancing kobolds at the adventure’s conclusion and extrapolated from that.

Player Character Spotlight: Lukil

Tall and lean, but strong as an ox, Lukil was a half-orc cleric. Though she kept the “cleric” part something of a guarded secret, appearing more like a traditional fighter. Golden eyes complimented stone-grey skin and black dreadlocks. Her face was nearly always stern, often to the point that she seemed perpetually disgusted.

Art: Lukil and Zeke, done by NatPoole98.

Lukil carried a small armoury of weapons and a large collection of religious symbols. She was superstitious and reverent to unseen forces. Tradition and honour were extremely important to her.

Outwardly brusque and stern, Lukil had a softer side. She came to care deeply for her party-members – even Cyrus with whom she often clashed. Though she would never admit it, she had a fondness for the softer things in life.

As DM, I have a strong memory of the party at a festival. A dancing competition was ongoing. Cyrus entered with Xanaphia; Zilt with Clang. Lukil looked on with desire, but none in her party noticed, and none otherwise thought the stoic Lukil would be interested in such frivolity.

In terms of gameplay, Lukil suffered in early sessions. With only a sorcerer and rogue as comrades, she was pigeon-holed into front-line work, and all too often was forced to take the Dodge action with shield out. Later on, when the party expanded, she thankfully would not be under such pressure and could cleric a bit more freely.

Lukil’s storyline involved exonerating her father. That will be coming up in a future act.

Lukil’s player would disappear at some point, and the game would move on without the half-orc cleric. I would’ve liked to see how Lukil further developed, but am glad she was present for the early part of the campaign, and I’m glad Lukil at least could have her turn in the “plot spotlight”.

[hekate1308]

Taking Care

This Endeavour/Morse/Lewis headcanon wouldn’t go away, and yes... I hate me too. 

Morse rarely mentions him. When he does, it’s usually at night in a quiet pub when he’s already several pints in, and Lewis is nursing his orange juice, wondering how this man became so jaded and lonely.

He’s learned to soak up all the information about his enigmatic boss he can find.

And so he always perks up when he hears the words “DI Thursday”. It’s not always DI, of course; sometimes he refers to him as DCI, and Lewis has come to the conclusion that he must have been promoted during Morse’s tenure as his bagman. He hasn’t asked.

Every time he does, Morse abruptly changes the subject.

So, Lewis listens.

One night, after a particularly harrowing case involving an Oxford don with a passionate for exotic pets of all things – the boa constrictor almost got to Lewis before he managed to bas her head in – Morse muses, “It’s a little bit like our old case with the tiger. DI Thursday berated me for days for going into the maze unarmed.”

And this one, Lewis just can’t let rest. A tiger? In Oxford?

He asks Doctor DeBryn the next day. The old man smiles at him. “Ah, I remember the case. We were all so young, back then.”

“Did Morse really run into a maze with a tiger?”

“Yes. You see, a mother and her baby were in danger. He likes to hide it these days, but Morse does have his soft spots.”

Lewis knows it. In fact, he’s one of the very few who’s known form the beginning. Morse always takes care to send him back home on time, if he can. To his wife and his kiddies.

“Almost got to him too, but Superintendent Bright shot it before it could gnaw at him. Not that that would have been his first injury on the job. A bit injury-prone, he was, back in the day.”

“He seems to have been rather fond of DCI Thursday�� Lewis says casually.

Doctor DeBryn’s eyes soften. “We all were. They called him the old man behind his back, but fondly. He was a good man. Took Morse under his wing when he came back to Oxford. You should have seen how he fought to have a mere Constable as his bagman.”

It’s strange to think of Morse as anything other than the DCI he is now. Lewis tries to picture him, a young man just attempting to make his way up the ranks, and fails miserably. All he knows is that he must have been just as fond of operas then as he is now.

“Mind you, there was a little something or other with DCI Thursday’s daughter – he never told me, and I never asked. Things got complicated.”

The doctor looks at Lewis, but clearly doesn’t see him. Now, he’s looking into another time; when this place was filled with the now long gone coppers of bygone days.

“He didn’t – DCI Thursday – he retired eventually, right?” Lewis asks. Morse always looks so... wistful when his name falls. And a little sad.

“Oh no, he didn’t die on the job. He did retire, and he lived until he was well over eighty. I think he and Morse grew apart though, but you know him; kind of hard to stay close when you don’t have the job and see him every day. Died a few years before you came here, actually. I’ll never forget Morse’s face at his funeral. Mrs. Thursday passed on soon after.”

When Lewis doesn’t answer, he asks, “What prompted this investigation into the past, may I ask?”

Lewis smiles weakly. “DCI Morse... he mentions him sometimes.”

Doctor DeBryn hums. “When he’s half drunk, no doubt. You know, DCI Thursday used to try and get him to quit, now and then. And of course Mrs. Thursday mothered him whenever she got the chance. She was a lovely lady.”

It sounds like DCI Thursday was every bit as important to Morse as Morse is to Lewis; after all, if you end up with a bad superior, you never learn your trade, not when it comes to police work.

It’s really strange he mentions him so rarely, Lewis decides. He has no doubt that he’ll supply anyone who will listen with anecdotes about Morse for years to come.

And so it becomes something of a hobby of his, to catch the snippets Morse mentions now and then, to try and fill in the blanks.

The victim on their next case has, or rather had, a collection of pipes. Lewis stumbles across Morse in the room where he kept them, looking intently at one of them, slowly twirling it around in his hands.

“Sir?”

“DI Thursday had one just like this. Wouldn’t even stop smoking when he got a bullet in his lung. Of course, those were different times back then.”

Lewis remains quiet, careful not to make a sound.

“He actually coughed it up, would you believe that? Doctors told him he was dying, and he just coughed up the bullet and was fine.”

It’s just unbelievable enough to be true, and nothing surprises Lewis anymore when it comes to Morse.

“Of course after that he had no reason to give up his pipe. Smoked right until the day he died, Mrs. Thursday told me.” Morse was silent for a few moments, then added, “She never could get me to call her Win, even though she tried.”

He looks at Lewis then, blinking, and the Sergeant can see how the young DC turns back into the old, world-wary DCI. He’s surprised to see him. “Lewis? What is it?”

“Doctor DeBryn says they can move the corpse now, sir.”

He turns away with an expression of disgust. “The sooner the better.”

But even as Lewis leaves to tell them, Morse is still holding the pipe.

A few days later, a specialist tells Lewis, “Really, he only collected those because he liked them, I’d say. None of them are really worth a lot – most like, the next of kin will just throw them away.”

That comes true a few days later, when Lewis has a few follow-up questions for the niece of the victim and finds her putting the pipes into trash bags. As she reaches for the one that Morse took, Lewis asks, “Would you mind terribly if I took that one? I’m quite – fond of pipes myself.”

She throws him a puzzled look, but gives it to him.

Lewis puts it on Morse’s desk when he’s out and goes to get coffee. By the time he returns, Morse is sitting in his office, and the pipe is nowhere to be seen.

Lewis is unsure how he feels about it until Morse pays for their drinks that night.

Sometimes later, Doctor DeBryn casually lets fall where DCI Thursday and his wife are buried – or rather, he mentions to Morse that the victim will be buried in the same cemetery.

Lewis has absolutely no reason to go there, of course.

He does.

The grave of DCI and Mrs. Thursday are well-kept. Lewis remembers Doctor DeBryn talking about their daughter. She must have made sure of it.

He stays there in the quiet cemetery for a while, staring at the words on the gravestone, wondering if Morse ever comes here.

Thinks of a pipe-smoking, hard but fair DCI taking a young man under his wing; and seeing him become the Morse Lewis has come to know so well.

Finally, he says, “Don’t worry. I’m looking after him now.”

[valheartandfriendsllc]

Talking With Animals Is Amazing! My Conversation With Grandfather Snake

All my years talking with animals has provided so many rich experiences filled with new wisdom to be learned. Here is another of them.

Talking with animals is a life-changing experience

Recently I told you about my first encounter with one of my spirit animals—snake.

Today I’m going to tell you how my snake animal totem helped to save my life.

I have so many stories that are based around my time working at the Wildlife Rescue and Rehabilitation. My last post was about a special little fawn and all of his friends in the fawn enclosure, and how through communicating with the fawns I was able to save their lives. This story starts there as well.

One night after I had been feeding the fawns in their enclosure, I was returning along the path to the “big house” carrying the big buckets full of baby bottles which I used to feed the fawns their milk.

We were short on staff, so I was alone that day with only the facility’s director on the large well over 100 acres of Texas hillside country property, and of course, all the animals in our care.

Do you have what it takes to start talking with animals? Find out here.

I was on my way back to clean the bottles and prepare for my next caretaker task. It was dusk and the light was fading, the narrow dirt path wound ahead of me through the brush, trees, and undergrowth of the Texas landscape.

A hot summer day in Texas, I was enjoying the smell of the heated earth and cedar trees, just relishing that moment of being immersed in nature.

The fawns had been hysterical good fun. They had been delighted to greet me and talk to me and had eagerly chowed down their dinner, suckling milk from the over 50 big baby bottles I’d used to feed them. They were happy to tell me about their day and like children asking a myriad of questions.

Talking with animals can be extremely fun and rewarding, and this was one of those times.

I was feeling good after a job well done and was lost in my thoughts, thinking about how much I loved animals and all the other things I had yet to do that evening.

And so I trudged along the quarter-mile back to the big house, carrying the big plastic buckets with the bottles all clinking against each other.

Then, I saw what looked like a tree branch laying across the path.

I didn’t think much of it, it was just a branch after all. Except as I was about to step over it I thought…

Hold it.

That stick wasn’t there earlier.

There aren’t any big trees nearby that could have dropped such a big limb like that.

How did that get here?

I’m a bit nearsighted and the light was fading quickly. So I bent down to take a closer look at “the branch”.

I didn’t have a flashlight with me, so I had to get really close to see what I was looking at. My face was about a foot away from the object as I squinted to make out what it was.

And that is when I saw it—the distinctive rattlesnake markings.

When what I was seeing sunk in, my eyes opened wide and I stopped breathing and froze in place. The snake was huge—bigger around than my arm and almost six feet long, bigger than most rattlesnakes. It had many rattles on its pointed tail.

“This is a very old and wise snake…”, I thought.

Very slowly, I backed up and stepped away from the big old snake. Walking backward until I was about 8 feet away from it until I could decide what to do.

Talking with animals — Grandfather Snake’s Message

I gathered my courage, breathed deep. Using my animal communication skills just like I teach my students, I offered a calm and cordial greeting:

“Good evening, Grandfather. I’m sorry if I’ve disturbed you. I mean you no harm.”

Respectfully, I listened to his reply, and it came right away. Grandfather told me gently and lovingly to be calm, I wasn’t his prey.

He was not hunting me that evening, he said with a twinkle of good humor.

In fact, he told me, he recognized me and my Spirit Animal, my Snake. And because of that connection, we were spiritually and energetically in some ways kin to each other.

I thanked him from my heart and asked if I could pass on by because I needed to get back to the house.

Grandfather said, “Of course! Carry on.”

I wished him well, safely stepped over his long thick body, and continued on my way.

Since then I have had many more bizarre and wild encounters talking with animals including snakes—they have shown themselves to be my spirit animal time and time again.

Like the time I single-handedly gathered over twenty pythons and boa constrictors of all sizes from the snake house at Wildlife Rescue. The heater in their house had failed and they would freeze to death in the cold Texas night, so I had to relocate them to the big house.

Did I mention it was midnight and I was all alone? Before cell phones even existed??

Yep. But that’s a story for another day.

Next time I’ll tell you about how I met my next spirit animal. You won’t believe what happened, it was so cool.

Have you met your spirit animals yet?

Tell me all about it in the comments! And be sure to check out all my courses, workshops, and memberships if you’re ready to start talking with animals of all kinds.

Are you ready to meet your spirit animals? I taught a Masterclass on the topic for the Animal Talk Coaching Club Platinum members in The Heart School of Animal Communication.

Find out how to access the Masterclass here

If you’re ready to start your journey in the wonderful world of Animal Communication, it’s time to start!

Download my FREE Ebook: Hidden Secrets to Communicating with Pets HERE

Or dive into the complete Talking With Animals program with my Beginning Core Foundations Animal Communication Course.

All my courses are fully guaranteed, so there’s no risk of taking the next step.

Enjoyed this article? Here are three more to help you:

COVID-19 and Mother Earth Gaia’s perspective, I wonder?

Five benefits of animal communication.

Where’s the proof? How to know if you are really talking with animals.

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[biofunmy]

Snakes on an Astral Plane

No one could understand why I wanted a snake massage. “That sounds like some kind of punishment, like ‘You’re sentenced to 30 minutes of snake massage,’” my father said when I told him I was getting one. Over dinner, my friend Rachel asked, “Are you afraid of snakes?” I told her I didn’t think I was, but then, I had never held a boa constrictor, let alone had a few of them slithering along my body.

There is a macho element of wellness that we don’t often talk about, a performance of the wildest or most extreme treatments, for bragging rights — or, better, a picture shown off on social media. There are so-called vampire facials, LED light masks that make wearers look as if they’re in a slasher film and fish that nibble your dead skin during a pedicure.

I am not immune: I’ve applied a face mask partly made from colostrum, braved the extreme cold of cryotherapy and gone to a beer spa.

So when I heard about a woman in Los Angeles who did some kind of ritualistic snake encounters, I wanted an appointment. But she was on maternity leave, so I started searching online to see if there was another modern-day snake priestess around. Which is how I found Serpentessa, a woman who lives outside of New Paltz, N.Y., and who offers massages with her 10 snakes. She even comes to Brooklyn about once a month.

I signed up for a massage on a Sunday afternoon and got several emails explaining the benefits of snake massage. She wrote that she was inspired by the Asklepios and Hygeia snake sanctuaries of ancient Greece. Snakes were said to have the power to help us see how we react to stress, and to have the ability to find parts of the body that need some extra physical or spiritual T.L.C.

“Welcoming the Serpent to merge with you will deepen & clarify your connection to the Divine within You!,” she wrote.

The allure of a snake massage could be the sensation of snakes against skin, or it could be seen as a more spiritual experience about letting go.

Or it could be simply about confronting fears. I was sent a form that included the lines: “There are NO GUARANTEES that you will never get hurt by a snake. No one ever has in any of my work with my Snakes and clients.”

When the day came, I wasn’t nervous until I showed up at a multiunit space in Prospect Heights that appeared to house masseuses. I wandered mistakenly into what looked like a dance studio. “Hi, I’m here for a snake massage,” I told a woman who greeted me. She looked aghast and asked me to repeat myself and then said, “I think you’re in the wrong place.”

I eventually found Serpentessa, who led me to a treatment room with a massage table that she had covered in skins her snakes had shed for me to touch and to think about regeneration and letting go. I took off all of my clothes save for my underwear and positioned myself face down.

She began taking boa constrictors out of a box and placing them on my back. First Ember, a male, and then two females named Shanti and Oracle.

I felt a little tense as I heard them hissing (which Serpentessa said is from exertion) and felt the flicking of their little black forked tongues on my skin. All three immediately headed for my head, where they proceeded to wrap themselves around my crown. I was Medusa!

At this point Serpentessa began to sing in a soft, slightly reedy voice. “Face to face, skin to skin, you and snakes and earth are kin.” She invited me to think about what I wanted to let go or an image I wanted the snakes to bring to the earth for me.

Snake massage would likely be more accurately described as a snake ritual. If you’re looking to have your muscles worked, you’d be better off finding someone with hands.

There were moments when having the snakes on me felt not unlike being in a massage chair at a nail salon — that same undulating pressure. Every so often, as one of the snakes would tighten a bit around my head or my neck, I’d remember that they could probably kill me if they felt like it.

After 20 minutes of snakes on my head, Serpentessa moved them to my back, and all three slithered down my legs and wrapped themselves around my left ankle, which I had broken last summer. About 10 minutes later, they really started to warm up to me and started to slither under and around my knees, over my face and lips, and one parked herself about an inch away from my crotch and just hung out there.

At that point I took a few selfies in my new role as snake goddess, and Serpentessa, who has long gray hair and wore silver snake-themed jewelry, told me about how she got her start belly dancing with snakes in the 1980s and about how the snakes feed on rodents she buys frozen every three weeks.

When my 80 minutes were up, I said goodbye to each snake as they were placed back into their box. I like communing with serpents, although I’m not sure I’d ever get a snake massage again. I think regular old human hands are what I prefer. I couldn’t wait to take a very long shower.

Serpentessa told me I might dream of snakes, which I haven’t, yet. She also gave me a plastic bag with a few pieces of their shed skin from the tail and the belly to tuck under my pillow or place on an altar.

Instead I forgot all about it until I got out my checkbook at therapy the next day. Perhaps that was my reminder to talk about transformation and to start shedding some of my own skin.

We Tried It

Who Serpentessa, a modern snake priestess who was previously a belly dancer and made Grateful Dead T-shirts, will facilitate a personal encounter with her snakes.

What A few of her 10 boa constrictors will slither all over your body, wrapping themselves where they want, which some people credit with bringing relief (be it physical or psychic). If you feel fear around snakes, this would be a very intense way to confront it.

Vibe References to the yoni, songs about being kin with snakes, visualizing letting go — this feels like an old-school New Age treatment.

Cost From $297. For more information or to book a snake massage: serpentessa.com.

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