#connected at all. an ''I made sure not to just repeat myself/connect BUT/AND if you see a connection Im leading you to think of things in a

[dapperrokyuu]

My feelings on VnC and PH being connected have fluctuated, but currently, Id be hype to have an allusion/reference to PH but Id dislike an establishment that every Mochijun series will then have to fit into the structure PH created.

[chadepitanga]

I dont believe there's a set rule for like. "If you do this you suck, no nuance" etc. but my good god. I wish people understood that their interests, what they put time and effort into crafting and talking about, says something about who they are as a person, no matter how much they want to throw fiction and art and humor and who they date or how they date or how they treated that friend that one time, or anything that makes them look bad to anyone, really, into a vaccum thats separated from any social judgement that could happen, anything that could be a character flaw.

Not that I'm one to be judge of anything. I'm not a cop I'm just a dude with my own fucked up issues in my silly little head. But I am wary of the company I keep. Minorities can't have the luxury of treating conservative thinking, prone-ness to hate speech, sadism(not the fun consensual kind of it) and lack of empathy towards suffering caused by abuse of power, as something that has no consequence.

[auraworkshop]

VOID SUCCESS STORY

I Finally Experienced The Void State

HOW I USED TO VIEW VOID BEFORE I ENTERED

Before I entered it, I viewed the void as the ultimate state of oneness with the universe. I viewed it as the place where I could finally be free from all suffering and limitation. It was a place where I could be at peace and experience the ultimate reality. I also viewed it as a place that was beyond anything I could imagine or describe. It was the place I was drawn to and wanted to experience more than anything else in the world. It was where I knew I could find the ultimate truth and the ultimate peace and bliss.

I was never a fond of it, I just and wanted to feel it, experience it by myself. I don't understand why it's so hyped up after all.

HOW I TAPPED IN

I tapped in by listening to my subliminal. Before putting on the sub I did a special, ancient breathing technique :

Bhastrika or the bellows breath

For this you have to Close the right nostril and inhale twenty rapid bellows-like breaths through the left nostril. Repeat with twenty more bellows breaths through the right nostril while keeping the left nostril closed. Proceed to take twenty bellows breaths through both nostrils. This method helps the body and mind to clear out mental, emotional and physical blocks.

After doing this, I put on my subliminal and a blind fold on my eyes and imagined myself walking inside my own mind and it's getting darker and darker as I get deeper into it, exactly like Eleven did in Stranger Things. Okay, so doing this made me super duperr relaxed which got me slept and when I woke up I knew that I made it! and NO, my void was not pitch dark, I don't know but for some reason it was white, pure white. I felt like I'm directly looking into a bulb you know :)

MY EXPERIENCE WITH IT

My void experience was a feeling of emptiness and peace. Not a single thing was there in the void other than my consciousness. I felt completely liberated and at ease when I was in the void. My thoughts were dead silent and I was just being. I felt a deep sense of connection to the universe and a knowing that all is well. It was a feeling of emptiness and unity at the same time. Everything that is, is within me. It can not be described because it is beyond any description. No words and no labels can truly define or grasp the eternal silence of the void. The void I experienced was full of utter peace and stillness. It was the complete lack of self-consciousness and the total realization of eternity. It was pure, uninterrupted consciousness. It was a place of pure awareness and complete freedom from all attachments and desires. It was a place of absolute silence and the absence of all thought and emotion. It was a place of complete and utter bliss and nothingness at the same time. I felt a deep sense of timelessness and immortality. I felt like I was in my purest form. I felt like I was in a state of total nirvana and perfect happiness. It was like being in a state of pure bliss and complete oneness with the universe. I felt connected to everything and everyone, and it was the most pure and peaceful experience I've ever had. However I have entered the void twice but snapped out on incident within seconds. Staying in the void for hours is totally different :)

MY EXPERIENCE WITH THE VOID IS JUST UNDESCRIBABLE 🤍

I really don't know how to put it into words

I just feel COMPLETED now !

WHAT I MANIFESTED

No, I didn't manifest anything in the void. Manifesting something through the void was never my intention because I already have manifested almost everything just by listening to my subliminals and I love listening to them. But if in future if I'll manifest anything in the void, I'll update y'all about it for sure with pictures.

Believe me or not the void is unnecessarily so hyped up in this community, it's so easy to access it. Now with my experience with it I know how I can be helpful to y'all in regards of accessing the void state.

I know people will ask me for the subliminal that I listened to, so first of all I made it myself, because few days back while I was on my journey to entering the void I listened to a subliminal, which made everything worse, I knew that the subliminal maker has used some bad spells in it, so I made my own sub. No wonders tho because earlier I used to make subliminals for myself and they did worked for me and I manifested a lot of things but I was so lazy that I stopped making them :)

But as I really wanted to experience the void within myself, I decided to work a Lil hard and make a sub for myself and after researching deeply on how I can make subliminal work faster, I managed to made it myself.

I have posted it on my YouTube channel but remember my sub will not work for those who have bad intentions! ThankYou.

Here's the video :

Enter the void in the blink of an eye : Use w/ caution

Make sure to hit the subscribe button because I'll be uploading more such subliminals ! 🤍

[jacqueline-01]

OK I'm thinking aaron hotchner x wife!reader when he was sent to the middle east for a short bit to run a task force but then instead of him coming back for a "case" like he thought reader pulls him to the side and tells him he's gonna be a daddy for a second time! Just fluff

Mission: Daddy 2.0

A.H x Wife!Reader

Pure Fluff

Aaron Hotchner wasn’t entirely sure what he was walking into. After weeks overseas, running a special task force in the Middle East, he’d expected a quiet return, maybe a subdued evening with you and Jack. But the minute he stepped through the front door, he knew something was different.

For one, you were practically buzzing with excitement, your energy so infectious it made his jet-lagged brain suspicious.

“You’re back!” you exclaimed, throwing your arms around him before he could even set his bag down.

He laughed, the sound low and warm as he hugged you tightly. “I’m back,” he agreed, dropping a kiss on the top of your head. “Miss me?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” you said, looking up at him with a sly smile. “You hungry? Tired? Or are you up for… a surprise?”

That got his attention. “A surprise?” he repeated, his profiler instincts kicking in. “Should I be worried?”

You grinned mischievously, grabbing his hand. “Only if you hate good news. Come on, sit.”

Hotch allowed himself to be pulled into the living room, where you all but pushed him onto the couch. He sank into the cushions, his curiosity growing by the second as you began to pace in front of him, clearly trying to find the right words.

“Okay,” you started, hands on your hips. “So, you know how Jack’s been asking for a sibling?”

His eyebrows shot up, caught completely off-guard by the question. “I… do. You told him to ask Santa.”

You pointed at him. “Exactly! Which was a brilliant distraction, thank you. But, uh…” You trailed off, biting your lip to keep from laughing.

“But?” he prompted, leaning forward.

“But it turns out, we might’ve beaten Santa to it,” you blurted, throwing your hands up as if to say, Surprise!

For a moment, he just blinked at you, clearly trying to connect the dots. Then his gaze dropped to your stomach—though there wasn’t a visible change yet—and darted back up to your face.

“Wait,” he said slowly, his tone incredulous but tinged with dawning realization. “Are you saying…?”

You couldn’t hold back your grin any longer. “I’m pregnant, Aaron. We’re having another baby!”

His reaction wasn’t immediate. Instead, he sat there for a beat, looking almost comically frozen. Then—like a switch had been flipped—he was on his feet, closing the distance between you in two long strides.

“You’re serious?” he asked, his voice breathless as his hands found your waist.

“Completely serious,” you replied, laughing at the way his face lit up.

He let out a stunned laugh, pulling you into a tight hug. “How long have you known?”

“A few weeks,” you admitted, resting your head against his chest. “I wanted to tell you in person, but it was torture keeping it to myself.”

Hotch leaned back, looking down at you with a mixture of awe and teasing exasperation. “You mean you let me get off a 14-hour flight and didn’t warn me I was about to have my life changed?”

You smirked, looping your arms around his neck. “I figured a little suspense would keep you awake. Was I wrong?”

He laughed again, shaking his head. “Not wrong. Just… unbelievable.” His hands slid to your stomach, resting there gently as if he were afraid of breaking the moment. “Another baby,” he murmured, his voice soft. “How do you feel?”

“Excited,” you said honestly, covering his hands with yours. “And a little nervous. But mostly excited. Jack’s going to lose his mind.”

That earned another laugh, and Aaron’s eyes sparkled with amusement. “He’s going to ask if he gets to name them.”

“Oh, absolutely. And the first suggestion will be something ridiculous, like ‘Spider-Man Hotchner.’”

“Or ‘Captain Jack,’” Aaron added dryly, earning a snort of laughter from you.

The two of you stayed like that for a moment, the excitement settling into something quieter but no less joyous. Finally, Aaron tilted his head, a sly smile curving his lips.

“You know,” he said, “I’ve faced international criminals, interrogated spies, and worked with some of the most brilliant minds in the world. But somehow, you still manage to outsmart me.”

You grinned, leaning up to kiss him. “That’s because I’m the real mastermind in this family, Hotchner. Don’t forget it.”

“Never,” he murmured against your lips.

And as Jack came barreling down the stairs a few moments later, demanding hugs and peppering Aaron with questions, you knew this was only the beginning of a new, beautiful adventure for your growing family.

[athena5898]

I often think when people hear "infantilizing a group of people", they think of it literarily that we are actively being made a infant. While this is a part of it, I think people miss the subtle things that end up causing chasms in their relationships with that group of people.

It's actually hard to pinpoint because it's never a singular event, it's many tiny things but the end result is always "I am the authority, I will always know more then you, I will never take your advice, I will never be honest with you (you know to spare *your* feelings), any disagreement is your fault, any problem in your life is my cross to bear and you must follow how I tell you to fix it, I will never stoop myself to understanding what your needs are as X group and will view everything from my own lens and judge you accordingly, we are not equals, and we never will be. (This is not a exhausted list, nor will everyone have all the same traits)

It is very hard to connect with someone who just automatically assumes a higher status to you just because of something you can't change. All the while the offender thinks what they are doing is actually a good thing. They are somehow helping you by just assuming they are better then you (which in the end, that's kinda what this is).

I have a few people in my life that I care for a lot, but they are not that much older then me yet they act like I can't possibly understand them and automatically shove this "child" label on my forhead.

And here is the thing, they will voluntarily bring up why they think this if you pay attention. It might be trauma they've dealt with, it might be that they have kids and you don't, age, or anything else like this. However I think it's important to note that I have friends who do not talk down to me and respect me as my own person with autonomy and also have these things going on in their life. So it's not like it's impossible to treat someone with respect and have these differences.

Now what do some of these subtle differences look like? There are many ways they can materialize but to name a few.

- Demanding the person solves a problem their way despite the person telling them why their circumstances do not allow that.

- assuming...well anything and all the time. These people have a tendency to think they know exactly what you are feeling and other such things and if you try to correct them then they will actually get upset at you or show some type of passive aggressiveness.

-Speaking on your behalf without asking permission

-never valuing your expertise on any subject. They are older/more mature then you, therefore to them they know more about everything. What's really fun (/s) about this is when they will explain to you, why you are wrong, by repeating what you said back at you.

- any reason why you can't do a thing, or why you need an aide is an excuse. You could do it if you *really* wanted to, but you are just being lazy. Now the real adult has to take up your burden.

- they do not/cannot listen to you. No matter what you say or how you say it, or if they even confirm what you say, there is always a part of them that is not listening. Or hell, they could of listened to you, but since what you say isn't important to them, they will quickly forget it and may even try and claim you never said anything to them.

- I'm not sure if this counts as infantilizing, but I notice that it happens a lot in tandem. While they think less of you and treat you like a child whose facts and opinions don't matter, all of this will change at a moment's notice when they need something from you...oddly enough something they probably normally do not take seriously from you on a normal day. Suddenly thrusting you with this burden of taking care of them even though they are never there for you in any meaningful actually helpful way most of the time. Like you will literally be demanded to stop what you are doing, and get over whatever you are going through to help them and their problem. I cannot explain how frustrating it is to be demanded to be the mature one while most of the time being denied respect.

I could go on, but honestly if I sat here and thought of every single tiny thing they do to make sure there is distance between you and them up on their self made pedestals, I'd be here all day.

The worst part on all of this is that I have no idea how to resolve it. People who do this are not inherently bad people, hell they might not even realize they do it. But this can actually make it more difficult to bring to their attention. I have tried many ways and many different times to resolve this, but I haven't been successful yet. Anyone who has corrected themselves were people who just had a little mess up but still obviously viewed me as a person from the start.

These subtle ways someone can dehumanize you, it can cause terrible rifts and of course the other person never understands why (see point above about not listening)

I am writing this as a autistic person, but I know there are others who go through this. Please check the ways you create artificial authority over someone.

Edit: someone reblogged this with hashtags about how we shouldn't do this to children either and I completely agree, I was using the term because it's the one often used to explain these things. Adding the edit cause I have no idea how to respond to the hashtag thing and I think it's a important thing to note.

[mabelstone]

Why would you be loved?

hozier x f!reader

part two of lullabies <3 | part one | masterlist

cw: teeeeeny bit of violence at very beginning ... also 18+ ok if u are unfamiliar with me... this is my thing. this character is FICTIONAL before u attack me for sexualising THE hozier

word count: 3.2k

*i've decided i'd like this to be a slow burn... but don't worry! i will add things to keep u interested (or attempt to)

The sticky slap of their skin echoed through the room, my heart thudding loud enough in my ears to deafen the noise.

I lurched forward, grabbing the leggy blonde from the bar by her hair, yanking her off of Joe and slamming her naked body into the wall. She gasped loudly, falling onto the ground where she watched on in horror. I grabbed the nearest object I could reach - his bedside lamp - smashing the ceramic over his head, screaming in his face about how he's fucked this up for good.

Except that's not what happened.

I opened the door to the same scenario, except I didn't lose my temper and tear the two of them to shreds. My heart still pounded harder than ever, but I simply backed out into the hall without a sound. My eyes must've been something of a Tim Burton character as I walked back outside, leaving the front door wide open. I didn't even grab anything as my handbag was still over my shoulder. I dug around for my phone, finding nothing but an old gum packet, some lipgloss, and some loose change.

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath, running my hands through my hair. I had my phone in the bar. Did I leave it in Andrew's car? Fuck, did I leave it at the bar? I began to panic, frantically walking down the street. As if I could walk all the way back! It was at least 15 kilometres from my place. I didn't care though, continuing to pace in the cold in clothing more suited to warmer weather. I kept replaying what I saw over and over in my head. I'd usually call my mum, but...

The way his hands were digging into her skin, the way she kept repeating how good he was making her feel. I felt sick to my stomach, and the alcohol wasn't helping. I'm not sure they even saw me, but once he finished (judging by the sounds he was making, wouldn't be too long) he'd see the doors open and connect the dots.

I turned my head as I heard someone whistle from across the street, inexplicably grateful to see Andy's car. "What're you doin'?"

"Do you have my phone?" My voice sounded foreign to me, robotic and desperate at the same time. I crossed the street, heading straight for the passenger side.

"Your lifeline is right here, hence why I am," he laughed, holding my phone out to me. I just stood at the door expressionless, and he probably thought my drinks had been spiked or I'd gone mad. "You... alright?"

"Joe is cheating on me," robotically sounding again. Though saying the words out loud made it suddenly real. Joe is cheating on me.

"What?" His eyebrows shot up, dipping his head to see my face better. "What? When?"

"Like, literally right now," I laughed. I began to laugh hysterically, having to rest my hands on the top of his car to steady myself. I laughed so hard, tears began to stream down my face and my stomach hurt.

The next thing I knew, that familiar warm hand was on my back, followed by a soft, "c'mere". I turned to face Andrew, immediately bursting into tears. Real tears this time. He pulled me in close to his chest, one arm easily wrapped around my shoulders, the other cradling the back of my head. I sobbed into his shirt, likely accidentally digging my nails into his back as I clung to him. If I did, he didn't comment on it. He held me tight, rubbing soft circles into my spine with his palm. I don't know how long we stood there for, but when I pulled away, his shirt was soaked and covered in mascara.

"I'm so sorry," I gave a half hearted laugh, gesturing to the stained cotton. "I will wash it for you, I'm good at getting stains out."

"Don't be ridiculous," he smiled that poor you smile he always did, but this time it felt like a comfort as he shook his head. "You can come back to mine and shower. Then we can figure this out."

"No, no, I don't want to put you out." I protested, wiping under my eyes, undoubtedly smudging the black into my hairline. I sniffled, wiping my snotty nose onto the sleeve of my cardigan. If Joe was right about Andy being infatuated with me, I definitely just destroyed that in one simple, snotty gesture.

"I insist," he smiled, leaning against the side of the car. I was exhausted, and a nice shower in a house that didn't reek of infidelity sounded too good to reject. I nodded and climbed into the passenger seat for the second time tonight, switching on my phone to see no new messages. Maybe he didn't see me after all.

I slipped into an oversized hoodie of Andrew’s after my shower, steam on the mirror and condensation on every surface from the amount of time I was in there. I felt guilty using his water, but time slipped away from me by the time I realised. He had real shampoo and conditioner, not that pathetic 3 in 1 bullshit Joe used. I stole a hair tie and hid my messy curls in a bun. I honestly looked like a mess, but it was definitely an improvement from before. My eyes were bloodshot and puffy. Most of the alcohol had fleeted my system, so now I was just exhausted and forced to bask in the reality of the situation.

I walked into his living room where he was sat, one arm slung over the back of the couch while the other flicked through Netflix. It was strange to see him in his space, so comfortable and… domestic. No, we’re not doing this. Yet.

I looked down and saw a black border collie mix strewn across his lap. “Oh my goodness!” I swooned as I headed straight for the dog. Andy mustn’t have heard me, jumping slightly and cursing under his breath. “How rude of me. Who’s this little angel?”

“The breaking of my heart,” he began, hand over his chest as he stared lovingly down at his dog. “Elwood.”

“Elwood? Really?” I quirked an eyebrow, looking up to Elwood’s owner.

“It’s a beautiful name for a beautiful boy, I don’t understand the issue?”

I rolled my eyes, going back to snuggling the dog, kissing his face all over. “He is beautiful. Yes you are!” Elwood wagged his tail excitedly, slobbering happily all over my hands.

Andrew chuckled down at us, averting his eyes back to the TV, a soft smile lingering on his lips.

“Thanks for letting me use your shower, Andy,” I smiled, sitting beside him on the lounge, feeling like the human embodiment of the calm after a storm.

“Oh, that’s no problem at all," he grinned earnestly, playing the pilot of Breaking Bad softly in the background. He lulled his head to the side, eyes glistening in the soft golden lighting of the lamp in the corner of the room. "Want a tea?"

"Please," I nodded, Elwood now snuggled into my lap. The moment he left the room, I was left with the crushing reality of what'd just happened. The horrible sound that plagued my phonic memory, as if it were played through headphones at a deafening volume. I tried to focus on the TV, Breaking Bad had always been my favourite. It was no use, the gut wrenching ache within me only multiplied by the minute, tears welling in my eyes, daring to fall.

"I wasn't sure how you take it so I bought everything with me," he placed two tea cups onto his coffee table, along with a carton of milk and a canister of sugar.

"So adorable, you remind me of my gran," I teased, desperately trying to blink away any trace of sadness before he had a chance to see. I didn't need to burden him with any more tears.

"You know, I've been called far worse," he shrugged, taking his tea black, sitting beside me on the couch. "So I'll take it."

I hummed in response, mixing in my milk and sugar.

"So... maybe a redundant question, but, how're you feeling?"

"Well," I chuckled bitterly, sipping from my tea. "Probably feeling as you'd expect. Actually, that's a lie. I don't know how I feel honestly."

His eyes studied my features, and I deliberately avoided his gaze. His dog snored away in my lap, the TV just loud enough that any amount of silence couldn't be awkward.

"Has... anything like this happened to you?" I asked, despite the voice in my head telling me not to.

"Ehm, yeah. Not too long ago, actually," he sighed, running a hand through his hair, his chocolate curls flicking up at the ends, framing his face beautifully in the light. "We were together for three years. She was sleeping around with a friend of mine. She broke it off with me when she decided she'd rather be with him."

"Her loss," I mirrored that same pitiful look he always gave me, the slight drop in his expression making me feel guilty for even asking. "You make a mean cup of tea."

"If only she could appreciate the art of English Breakfast," he sighed, a sad smile lingering on his lips despite the sarcasm in his tone.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Andy," I sighed, tempted to reach out for him but deciding against it in fear of breaching some unspoken boundary. "I'll get out of your hair soon."

"You can stay- only if you'd like," he offered awkwardly, eyes flickering to mine as he fiddled with the handle of his cup. "There's a spare bedroom."

"No, no. You've been so kind tonight, I don't want to push it," I shook my head, misjudging the height of the coffee table, my cup hitting it with a sharp clank. Elwood startled, throwing his head back to look at me. "Sorry, buddy."

"You're not pushing anything," he laughed, shaking his head now. "It's late. The decision's all yours. But I must say, that bed might be nicer than my own."

"Quite persuasive, aren't you?" I grinned, throwing my head back against the couch, weighing up my options. Well, I can't go home. "Okay. I'll stay... if you're sure that's okay?"

"Well, because you're twisting my arm..." He joked, that bright, happy smile making its glorious return. "I'll get you a spare toothbrush and a bottle of water. You've had a big night."

"Yeah," I breathed, rubbing at my burning, no doubt bloodshot, eyes. "I am exhausted."

"Come, I'll show you to your room," he got up from the couch, extending his hand to me. I took it in mine, warm and calloused; so large, his fingers reached my wrist as he helped me from the couch. I followed behind him, the soft padding of our feet up the stairs slowly becoming the only sound audible. Elwood trailing close behind, of course.

He showed me to the guest room, nothing special, but somehow a massive comfort. A navy blue, fluffy duvet with a bedside table, a simple lamp and a copy of Inferno by Dante Alighieri atop it.

"Oh, I'll grab that toothbrush," he waved his hand as if he were finally able to dismiss the thought. I chuckled at the way he hurried out of the room, the exhaustion rippling through my body as I sat on the edge of the bed. He was right. This might be the comfiest bed I've ever had the pleasure of sitting on. I zoned out, staring at the carpet as I finally sobered up. These past few weeks had been fucked, and I knew they'd only get worse. My phone started buzzing rapidly as Andy came back into the room, a bottle of water, a toothbrush still in the packaging, and a sheet of panadol in his hands. He silently placed them onto the bedside table, both of us just watching my phone ring. It was Joe.

Against my better judgement, I picked up on the last ring, raising the phone to my ear.

"Where are you?" His voice was hoarse, unsuspecting. Idiot.

"Doesn't matter," I sighed, nauseated at the sound of his voice.

"Well, it does. I've been worried sick about you, you're meant to be home now. How would I know you hadn't been kidnapped or gone home with some creep?"

"That is ironic," I laughed, though there was no humour in my tone.

"The fuck are you on about? Get home right now." He was getting angrier by the second. Andrew could hear every word, his brows knitted together in disgust as he listened on.

"I did come home. You were a bit busy," I swallowed harshly, my voice failing me, beginning to shake.

There was silence on his end for a good thirty seconds, all air in Andrew's small guest bedroom thinning at once. "...Babe. We will get through this."

"I don't think so."

"Don't say shit like that. I love you, Y/N. We'll get through this stronger than ever. Just come home, baby. I'll make it up to you," he was speaking fast, panicked almost.

"I need some space," I replied weakly, eyes filling with tears again.

"No. I love you. Come home. Please, babe, pl-"

I hung up on him before he got the chance to manipulate me straight back into his arms, Andy watching me with a frown. Suddenly, it was all too real, and I was breaking down in front of him for the second time tonight.

He didn't say anything. I felt the bed dip beside me, his warm arm wrapping around my shoulder, pulling me in close. We stayed like that for a while - my head leaned against his shoulder as I cried, his head atop mine - until I felt like there was no water left in my body. I heaved a massive sigh, sitting up straight again.

"Oh, Andy, I'm so s-"

"You've nothing to be sorry for," he hushed me, sincerity written all over his face, kind emerald eyes revealing that he wasn't doing anything for secondary gain; he was just a beautiful soul. "Get some rest."

"Okay," I agreed, pulling back the covers with his help. I wanted him to stay, I didn't want to be alone. I wished he could've just laid with me, no meaning attached, but just to have the warmth of another to occupy the cold, empty bed. Instead I thanked him again, pulling the covers up to my chin.

"You know where my room is. I'll be there if you need anything," he smiled earnestly, flicking off the light before walking out.

Goodnight, Andy, I almost said, but sleep washed over me quicker than I could form the words.

I woke early, bathed in velvety caramel coloured sunlight, slowly beginning to register where I was. I made my way down to corridor to Andy's room, his bedroom door barely ajar. I put my ear to the door, not wanting to wake him if he were still sleeping. I heard soft pants escaping his lips, letting my curiosity get the best of me.

I gently pushed the door open, revealing the glow of his milky skin in the same light. His beautiful halo of curls sticking to his slightly sweaty forehead, his face contorted in pleasure and concentration as he worked himself beneath the covers. I couldn't suppress the noise of surprise that escaped my lips as he whimpered my name.

"Fuck-" He gasped, pulling his hand from under the cover. "I'm sorry, I-"

"Keep going," I encouraged, slowly making my way to him. Confusion plastered all over his face, he obliged, slipping his hand back under the cover. I sat before him, our eyes locked on one another as he picked up the pace. "Gooood, that's it."

His brows furrowed as he continued to worked himself, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat with each swallow. I slipped into bed beside him, my hand replacing his. His breathing pattern grew irregular, every vowel of my name dripping off his tongue, igniting a fire deep in my core. I began placing wet kisses along jawline, making my way down to his neck, then his chest, then-

And then I actually woke up, heart beating at a million miles an hour. What. The. Fuck. Shame immediately coursed through my veins, burying my face into my pillow as I replayed the dream over and over until it was committed to memory. Am I an awful person?

I could vaguely hear Andrew singing along to Let's Fall In Love by Ella Fitzgerald in the kitchen, cautiously making my way down the stairs. I was disgusted in myself for even thinking of him in that way, let alone loving every shame filled second of it.

"Mornin'," I made myself known, sliding onto one of the stools at his breakfast bar.

"Good morning," he chirped, sliding a cup of coffee toward me. He had his glasses on this morning, his hair pulled back into a bun. "How're you feelin'?"

"Good," I lied through my teeth, concealing it with an enthusiastic nod. "Better, yeah." I just gave you a handjob in my dream and now I want you to pin me to the couch and make love to me all day. Oh, and I'm supposed to be grieving a near 6 year relationship, but now I'm just really fucking confused. "How are you?"

"Hungry. And I hope you are too," he grinned, revealing a big stack of pancakes he'd just cooked for us, as well as a bowl of chopped strawberries.

"I am, that looks lovely," another lie. I had no appetite. But I also couldn't say no to a man so sickly sweet. He sat beside me, soft jazz serenading us from his record player.

"What've you got on today?" He queried, plopping a pancake onto each of our plates.

"Might visit my ma, update her on... everything, I guess. Then I've gotta get my car. Maybe some clothes. Fuck, I don't even know what to do," I laughed awkwardly, taking a sip of my coffee. "You performing tonight?"

"Hoping to," he nodded, taking a bite of a strawberry. "You know you're more than welcome to spend the night here again."

"I couldn't possibly burden you for another night," I deflected, mirroring his actions and popping a strawberry into my mouth.

"You actually don't have to fight me each time, you cay just say no," he chuckled, shaking his head at me.

"I love spending time with you," I confessed, resting my hand on his arm, then retracting it just as fast. "I just don't want you to think I'm using you."

"Nonsense," he waved me off, scoffing. "It's nice to have some company. Plus, Elwood has taken a strong liking to you."

"The feeling is mutual," I laughed, breaking off a piece of my pancake for the dog happily wagging his tail by my feet. "I'm sure you have lady friends come and visit."

"Only ones who ruin their tea with milk and barely touch their pancakes," he remarked with a wide grin. I felt my cheeks turn hot at his stupid comment, finally digging in to my breakfast.

Maybe things weren't going to be so bad after all.

i don't love this... but this desperately needed an update. feel free to send requests of some stuff you'd like in the next chapter xx

[lostgirlmuseum]

The Signal

Made this using images from Pinterest ^ Word Count: 6.1k 

Pairing: Bucky x f!reader

Summary: You and Bucky get separated from the team after an unfortunate mishap, of which Bucky blames you. Except you’re not at fault! You thought… you aren’t too sure anymore.

A/N: Thank you all so much for all of the positivity on my first fic, I am actually BLOWN AWAY. You are all so kind!! I actually started writing this all the way back in February of 2022, but seeing the response gave me the motivation to finally finish it. 

Warnings: Nothing absolutely horrible, just a bit of angst and fluff(?), plus a little gaslighting and violence.

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

“Everything is going to be okay. We’re fine. Everything is fine. Everything–” She repeated the mantra over and over again, not quite believing it.

“Will you shut up?” Bucky growled. 

Only an hour prior had both of them been sneaking through a dense forest and scoping out a running ex-HYDRA base deep in the frozen woods. Steve, Bucky, Natasha, Sam, and Y/N were used to missions like this, except this one required a higher level of subtlety and a successful sneak attack was critical. Their intel informed them that the base was rigged to blow if any unrecognized technology was detected, including any disturbances in the radio waves. Because of this, they all turned off their communications signals once they approached the range of the base. At least, they were supposed to.

“I’m just trying to keep myself from freaking out.” She grumbled, slightly trailing behind Bucky as they crunched through the brittle layer of snow.

“Why? You should be freaking out. You should very much be freaking out right now. Considering we’re stranded in the middle of nowhere, with no connection to anyone who can help, and I’m stuck with you.” He recognized he was being cruel, but he didn’t have the strength to stop.

“It wasn’t my fault!” 

“The sooner you stop lying to yourself, the better.” Bucky responded without even looking over his shoulder. He hadn’t looked at her for the majority of their trek to the nearest safe house since they got separated from the rest of the group by the explosion.

“This is not my damn fault! I turned off my signal, just like Steve told us to.” She struggled to keep up with him, but she wouldn’t tell him that. She couldn’t show him any weakness–he’d just use it against her.

“Except you didn’t!”

“How are you so sure it was me? There were five of us!” She awkwardly jogged to get a bit ahead of him, and turned around to face him as she walked backward. “What makes you think it wasn’t you?”

“Please, like I would ever be so careless.” His gaze remained on the terrain ahead, and it looked like the trees of the woods were starting to thin out, signaling an exit soon.

“And I would?”

“Yes! Yes, you would. I knew from the start it was a bad idea to take you along. You can’t even follow simple instructions like turning off a signal.” He managed to pass her again, leaving her to struggle to stay next to him. He saw out of the corner of his eye her pointing a finger at him.

“I’m trying really hard not to take your attitude personally. You’ve been acting like a dick for the past week, but I’m sick of it.”

“Whatever you say, sweetheart.” 

“Don’t call me that.”

“Sweetheart?” He finally glanced at her. 

“Yes.”

“Why? Is it reserved for Steve?” Bucky’s eyes quickly returned to the path in front of him.

“What are you on about?” Genuine confusion laced her voice, but her question went unanswered as they reached a block in their path. 

“Y’know your genius safe house plan?” Bucky gestured to the map balled up in her hand, the thing they had been using to guide them to safety. “Well, looks like we’re here.”

“This can’t be right,” she shook her head, quickly unfolding the map, “maybe we got turned around.”

“Just look up.” 

She followed Bucky’s gaze to the sky, at which she finally realized the ridiculousness of their situation. They were stranded at the bottom of a steep cliff, which looked to stand nearly a hundred feet in the sky.

“You’ve got to be kidding.” Because who the fuck puts a safe house on top of a cliff? “There’s got to be an elevator or something, there’s no way we’re expected to climb this.”

They both scanned the base of the cliff, looking for any indication of a secret passage to the top. She ran her hand along the jagged rock and ice, and bit her bottom lip as she concentrated on the wall, eventually spotting a thick rope among a couple vines. 

“Shit.” 

Her voice gained Bucky’s attention, and he looked over to see her holding not one, but two ropes, each attached to a relatively large weaved basket. It wasn’t quite big enough for the two of them, but one person could definitely fit. 

“After you,” he mocked, gesturing to the basket that was meant to work as a (sketchy as hell) pulley system.

Instead of answering, she merely pointed to the inside of the damp basket. Bucky peered his head over to see the bottom had completely fallen apart, leaving a gaping hole where a person would supposedly stand. 

“Looks like we’re climbing.” Bucky sighed.

“I can’t–” 

“Afraid of heights?” He snapped.

“No, but–” 

“Good. Then there shouldn’t be a problem.” 

He grabbed a knife from his belt and efficiently cut both sides of the rope from the basket. She watched, dumbfounded, as he took one rope and tied it around his waist. Then, he gave the rope a hard tug, and satisfied by the lack of give, turned to his belt and grabbed three more knives. He grabbed duct tape out of his tac pants, and expertly taped one knife to the bottom of each shoe. Finally, he tossed her the duct tape, knowing she already had her own knives. She watched both impressed and annoyed as he firmly stuck his feet as best he could into the ice and rock of the cliff, and used the other knives in his hands as leverage.

He made it about ten feet up before glancing back down to see she hadn’t moved.

“Are you coming or what?” The impatience of his voice stung almost as much as the cold did her nose. 

She looked at him, then the rope, and then the knives attached to her legs, before making a move. Unlike Bucky, her combat boots came equipped with hidden spikes that could be used for climbing (although she had never used them for such activity, and normally used them as a treat when fighting, basking in the pride of catching her enemies off guard with a swift kick and metal spike to the face, groin, etc). She adjusted the spikes to be poking out of the toe of her boots, and tried not to think as she grabbed the second rope and knotted it around her waist. 

Ignoring her left hand, she grabbed only one knife opposed to Bucky’s two, and stabbed it into the ice. She cautiously looked down at her feet as she began her climb, and looked back up at her hand as she found purchase a foot above her head. Already exhausted from the fighting and explosion earlier, she winced at the tension in her right arm as she pulled herself up. 

At the slow pace she was going, Bucky was already 15 feet in the air by the time she was 3 feet off the ground.

Bucky looked down to see her far behind, and raised an eyebrow when he saw her climbing with only one hand.

“You’re supposed to use both hands, you know?” He mocked.

She rolled her eyes, but said nothing, as she let her left hand join her right hand on the handle of the knife protruding from the rock. Bucky noticed her silent grimace as she successfully pulled herself up to the next level. He continued to watch as she stiffly removed her right foot from the wall and placed it above her left foot, before once again grabbing the single knife with both her hands and pulling for a second before letting out an agonizing cry.

Out of curiosity more than frustration, he called down.

“What’s going on down there?” 

She briefly looked up at him before looking back at the ground, “I can’t climb.”

“Missed the training day on it?” 

His sarcasm went unappreciated as she growled.

“My wrist is broken, asshole.”

Her wrist is broken, and she’s climbing? What is she thinking?

“And you’re still trying to climb? You should’ve told me.” 

“I fucking tried telling you! But everytime I try to say something, you interrupt me! Constantly! Besides, what’s the point in telling you if you’re just going to brush it off?”

Bucky swiftly removed the knives in his hands from the cliff, and held onto his rope, before half-hopping and half-climbing down the wall to the ground.

“Bucky, just go,” she sighed, “I’ll figure something else out. I’m not going to be a burden on you.”

She said it in part because, yes, she didn’t want to burden him, but also because she didn’t want to hear his whiny complaints.

He ignored her protests and gently reached for her left hand, inspecting the incredibly swollen wrist. He winced at her soft whimper. He let go and simply looked at her.

“Hop down.” 

She didn’t like that he was ordering her around, but his voice was void of any emotion, and out of curiosity and self preservation skills, she obeyed.

“C’mon.” Bucky turned around so his back faced her.

After a couple moments of silence, he looked over his shoulder to see her face twisted in confusion.

“C’mon now, just get on.” He repeated, squatting down a bit more. “You’re going to have to hold on tight.”

Ignoring the absurdity of the situation, she did her best to climb onto his back, at which point he gently grabbed her non-injured arm and wrapped it around his neck to encourage her to not be afraid to cling to him.

After what likely was about twenty minutes of climbing in utter silence, minus the whipping of the cool wind, Bucky made the mistake of looking down. The good news was that they were almost at the top–probably about a quarter of the climb left. The bad news was that meant that they had already climbed about 75 feet, and despite Bucky’s fearless persona, he was not fearless.

“Fuck.” He whispered.

“What’s wrong?” She rested her chin on his right shoulder.

“Nothing… I just didn’t realize how high up we were.” He grimaced the moment he said it. He’d shown weakness. He’d given her ammo. “Gonna make fun of me now?” He started to shake just a little, and prayed that she would assume it was because of the cold and not his anxiety…even though it had been cold for the entirety of the climb.

“No.” She stated.

His head started to spin from the memories. He tried to push through it, but all he could think about was the first time he was this high up. It was as cold as this too. He felt as his left arm subconsciously twitched. 

The first time I was this high up, I still had two human arms.

A sweet voice interrupted his thoughts. 

“I think I can see the compound from here.” 

It was a stupid joke, but he couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“You know, I’m pretty scared of the ocean.” She continued.

He didn’t respond, unsure of where she was going with this. He continued to pull themselves up.

“Just deep water in general scares me. My brother always made fun of me for it.” 

Don’t look down, Bucky. Don’t look–

“One time when I was like–fifteen? I think? My family took a trip to this really big lake. We got on one of those pontoon boats and went out into the water.”

He was glad that she was so close to him, otherwise the whipping of the wind would’ve been too loud to hear her calming voice.

“My brother thought he was really funny, and told me to look over the edge of the boat while we were still in motion.”

He tried to grunt to indicate he was listening, but no noise came out.

“He pushed me right as my dad started speeding up. I fell in, and freaked out. Especially as I watched the boat leave me behind.”

He continued to listen to her and focused on her voice, and the vibrations. Her tone was casual, but he couldn’t help but sense she was telling him a secret.

“Luckily, my mom saw what happened, and got my dad to turn around.” She chuckled. “He claimed he was trying to help me get over my fear. But I got my revenge later that day, so it was fine.”

“What’d you do?” Bucky finally spoke up.

“Well, he’s afraid of peanut butter.” She tried to shrug, despite having one arm around his neck and the other hanging limply. 

“Do you mean allergic?”

“No, I mean afraid. The stuff freaks him out. He won’t go near it. He’s weird like that.” She sighed in remembrance, and continued.

“So once we got back to the house I grabbed some peanut butter, and slathered it into his hair when he wasn’t looking.”

Bucky looked up again and was surprised to see how close they were to the top. When did that happen?

“He screamed so loud–it was hilarious.” She smiled. “He ran to take a shower, flailing around and being dramatic. ‘Mom! She put peanut butter in my hair! My hair! Mommy, get it out!’” 

Worried that Bucky was judging her, she quickly added,

“He was seventeen at the time, by the way.”

Still no answer.

“I don’t think he’s forgiven me yet.” She whispered more to herself than Bucky, but he still nodded as he grabbed at the top of the cliff.

“We’re here.” Bucky didn’t mean for his voice to come across gruff, but the cold wasn’t helping his throat. 

“Thank you for carrying me.” She smiled once she had both feet on the ground. It didn’t reach her eyes, but he could still tell she meant it.

Slightly embarrassed, Bucky attempted to grumble out a ��Thank you for distracting me,’ but he wasn’t sure she heard it.

Come on, you can do better than that Barnes. Just apologize to her, he thought.

“Listen, I know I’ve been acting like a–”

Bucky’s words were cut off by a mysterious and sudden mangled…shriek?

“Oh my God, Bucky.” She patted his arm to get him to turn around.

He obliged, and his eyes became saucers when he saw what had made the noise. 

At the top of the cliff was a partially snowy but also grassy plateau, inhabited by a herd of roaming goats. So, so many goats. 

“Look at all the goats!” She gasped.

Right as she had said it, one goat had snuck up to them and started biting at Bucky’s prosthetic. 

“Get off,” he quelled his shock and grumbled as he shook the animal off of his hand.

“Aw, it likes you.” She giggled, falling to her knees to pet the goat—more like ‘goats’, plural, because the animals seemed to multiply, and fast. 

“Let’s get inside. We need to fix that wrist.”

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

Beside the disturbingly large population of goats, and the absurd location of the safe house, the house itself was fine. Well, it was shaped more like a barn, but it was decorated like a house. After coaxing Y/N away from the “adorable” (her words, not Bucky’s) goats, and inside, Bucky led Y/N to the forest green rug where he had started a fire in the fireplace. 

When he finished briefly looking around, Bucky grabbed some ice that had frozen outside the barn and wrapped it in a cloth from the kitchen. With her permission, Bucky carefully placed the ice pack where he saw the most bruising around her wrist. 

“So,” Bucky had settled himself across from her, so they could face each other as they talked. He couldn’t help the pang of sadness he felt as she stood up and backed away to sit on the couch.

She wouldn’t move away if I were Steve, he thought, staring into the fire. They’d probably cuddle up together like they do on the couch during movie nights at the tower. 

Y/N didn’t want to move away from Bucky, especially now that he was being amicable again. But the heat from the flames was melting the ice that cradled her wrist, and she didn’t want to add ‘soggy’ to her list of problems.

“So?” She asked, noticing Bucky never finished his thought.

“I’m just thinking about the logistics of this. There’s a high possibility we could be stuck here anywhere from a week to a month. Your signal was fried in the blast too, right?”

She nodded, and released her right hand from holding the ice, letting it balance on her wrist, as she reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out her signal. Definitely fried. 

He pulled out his own signal from where he had kept it in his pants pocket, and showed her how it was crushed. “Well, without our signals, our team can’t track us. We just have to hope that they’ll figure out that we made it to a safe house, and that they don’t check this one last. Because I’m pretty sure there are at least two more safehouses dedicated to the vicinity of the Hydra base, right?”

She nodded. “We got unlucky with this one.”

“First thing we need to worry about,” he raised his eyebrows, trying to gain her attention, “is food. I looked at the kitchen pretty quickly and there’s not that much stuff stocked. A couple cans of beans, and such. Not nearly enough for how long we’re going to be here though. So unless we want to climb back down again, and see if we can find any food anywhere…”

She squinted and tilted her head as if she was a confused puppy.

“We’re going to have to kill a goat.” He finished.

Her eyes went comically wide. “I am not letting you kill Cheetoh!”

Bucky shook his head, exasperated, “You’ve already named them?”

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

The longer they were there, the worse the winds got. But that didn’t stop Bucky from hearing the strange overlap of whipping winds, leading him to lean into the noise from his spot on the couch. 

“Do you hear that?” Bucky nudged her.

“It sounds like the wind got a lot worse,” She nodded.

“No, something’s off.”

At Bucky’s concern, Y/N got up off the couch and beat him to the doors. She looked at Bucky, who stood directly behind her, before pushing hard to get the sliding door to budge. Instantly the biting cold attacked them again, and she had to place her right arm over her forehead to keep her hair from whipping into her eyes. Everything outside seemed to be an array of grays, until she was able to spot a shadowy figure emerge from the settling fog. A person appeared, as well as a helicopter.

“Sam?” She called, hoping her voice carried far enough to be heard above the wind.  

“Y/N! Bucky! Thank god you guys are okay,” Sam called back, and was quickly met by Y/N who had run the rest of the distance to meet him. Bucky was shortly behind. 

“I’ve never been so happy to see your face, Sam.” She giggled, setting her right hand appreciatively on his shoulder. 

Quickly spotting Steve exiting the chopper, Bucky hid a scowl as he watched Y/N light up and bound over to the bundled up blond, while calling, “Steve!” He wished he had looked away before seeing her pull him in for a hug.

Wanting to distance himself from the interaction, Bucky stood by Sam.

“How did you find us so fast?” Bucky shook his head, and raised his voice, as the wind started to pick up again. 

“My signal, man.” Sam yelled back, despite being three feet apart. 

“What?” Bucky wondered if he heard him right. 

Sam reached into the left pocket of Bucky’s under jacket, and pulled out a small familiar looking device. 

Bucky felt a punch to the gut as he suddenly remembered.

The group had just landed the quinjet deep into the forest. They couldn’t land too close to the base and risk setting off alarms, so they settled for a three mile hike away. Bucky and Sam were meant to approach from the north side, while Steve, Natasha, and Y/N planned to approach from the south side, so the group split off after the jet to take opposite round-a-bout paths. It was about two miles left to go when Sam started complaining. 

“Dude, does this thing actually fit in your ear?” Sam gestured to the communications device in his hand. “Because it keeps falling out. It’s getting on my nerves.”

Bucky gave a short grunt, which Sam translated to a ‘yes, it does fit in my ear.’

“I can’t,” Sam finally huffed, “I give up. I don’t have any pockets, can you hold this so I don’t lose it?” 

Simply wishing for Sam to shut up, he obliged, and shoved the tiny device into his pocket for safe keeping. Neither of them thought to turn it off first, because in their minds, and past experiences, it always stays turned on in the field. Excluding the moments when people turn them off in acts of defiance. 

About a mile later, both men heard a small rustling to their right. In hindsight, it was probably just a rabbit, but Sam suggested he go check it out, just in case. That’s what led to the two splitting up, but Bucky wasn’t worried. He knew that if there was a problem, Sam would’ve made it clear immediately. He also knew that Sam knew his way to the base all on his own. 

Bucky arrived at his location at the same time that Steve’s voice buzzed in his ear. At this point, the extra signal was long forgotten. 

“We’re in position.” Steve’s voice rattled. 

“10-4.” Bucky responded. 

“Alright, going dark now. Turn off your comms, let’s go.” 

Steve’s voice was followed by the soft beep of Bucky’s signal as he turned it off. 

He didn’t realize Sam’s signal was still active in his pocket.

“It was just bad luck dude, don’t feel too bad. I should’ve turned it off before I gave it to you, and I shouldn’t have assumed you’d turn it off yourself.” Sam tried to hide his pity with a half-smile.

“I–I was the leak?” Bucky whispered right as the wind started to calm again. He stared at the small device as Sam hid it in the pocket of his own coat. If only Sam had worn that on the way to the base.

“Yeah,” Sam said at a normal level now that the noise had nearly ceased, “but everyone’s safe now, that’s all that matters.” Sam reassuringly pat Bucky’s shoulder twice before looking back at Steve helping Y/N into the chopper.

Bucky let out a short hum, and focused on the ground. He wanted to crush that stupid little signal. He hated the way it made his chest feel tight, and his heart heavy with guilt. 

Sam’s voice interrupted Bucky’s thoughts.

“Those are a lot of goats, man.”

Before Bucky could respond, Steve appeared in front of them.

“Hey Buck,” Steve smiled, pulling him in for a quick hug, “I’m glad we found you so fast. Are you injured at all?” Steve pulled back to examine Bucky’s form.

“No, I’m fine,” Bucky swiftly assured, before feeling the throbbing of guilt consume him again, “but Y/N’s wrist is broken.”

“Don’t worry, I know. I already told her I’d take her straight to medical once we get back. Speaking of, we should get going.”

“Right.” 

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

Three hours later, the group made it back to New York. As the ramp lowered, Bucky quietly pulled Steve aside.

“I can walk Y/N to med.” He nodded to where she was sitting, staring off into space.

“You sure?” Steve struggled to hide the surprise in his voice.

“Yeah.” Bucky nodded.

“Okay.”

Bucky gave his friend a firm pat on the shoulder before sauntering toward Y/N, who remained in her seat.

“Come on, Y/N.” He held out his right hand, offering her to take it.

“Huh?” She blinked twice, and stared up at him, eyebrows scrunched.

“I’m walking you to med.” 

“Oh. Okay.” She paused for a moment before standing up. “So much for being stuck for months.”

“Yeah, I guess that calculation was a bit off.”

“I’m just glad we’re back home. And that you didn’t need to kill any goats.”

“I was going to leave Cheetoh alone.”

“I don’t know if I believe you.”

The rest of their walk was relatively short, but silent, until they reached the doors of Dr. Cho. Bucky didn’t get a chance to say goodbye, as Dr. Cho was given a heads up to Y/N’s injury, and already whisked her away.

Bucky rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet for a minute, until he decided it would be uncomfortable for all parties involved if he stayed. He knew she’d be alright, he convinced himself, so there was no need to be in the way.

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

A couple of the Avengers found themselves mentally recovering in the lounge, waiting for Y/N to get out of her evaluation.

“She’ll probably be out for two months. Broken wrist and all that.” Steve relayed, taking a seat on the couch.

“Two months?” Sam repeated, looking up from his bag of chips.

“I think she’s pretty bummed, so try not to mention it.”

As if on cue, Y/N entered the room.

“Hey guys,” she smiled, waving with the arm that wasn’t in a cast.

“Hey Hon. How’s the wrist?”

“Really, Tony?” Natasha glared at him.

“What?” He feigned innocence, throwing his hands in the air.

“It’s fine guys. It doesn’t hurt that bad, I’m more embarrassed than anything.” 

“Embarrassed by what? I think that cast makes you look tough.” Sam added, doing his best to cheer others up as always. “And hey, you and Bucky can be twins now.”

“Yeah, kinda. Look at that Buck!” She lifted her left arm in the direction of Bucky, who had been silently brooding in the corner. The bulk could be seen under the fabric of her hoodie, but she felt the need to emphasize the point by taking the pullover off.

She first tried tugging the sleeve off her cast, but it was a bit too snug. After a couple more moments of failing, she switched tactics to just pulling off the hoodie from over her head, but that got her stuck in an awkward position too.

After a second too long of borderline uncomfortable silence and shuffling, Steve spoke up.

“Do you want help with that?”

“Nope, I got it. Just gimme- a second…” 

Somehow she had gotten the garment twisted around her right arm and upper body.

“Hon, just let us-” Tony started, but was quickly cut off.

“You know what? It’s suddenly cold again. There’s a weird draft over here.” Y/N quickly tugged the hoodie back down and gave a weary smile. “I’m going to go to my room.”

She ran off before anyone could offer an opinion. Unsurprisingly, Steve was the first to speak.

“I’m going to go check on her.”

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

A soft knock came to her door.

“Come in.”

“Hey, Y/N.” Steve gave a sympathetic smile as he gently closed the door behind him.

“Hi Steve, what’s up?” She looked fine, but he could hear the strain in her voice.

“Nothing, I just wanted to make sure you were alright.” He stood in front of where she sat at the edge of the bed.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just got a little frustrated, it’s no big deal.” She shrugged it off, avoiding his eye line.

“It’s okay to feel frustrated.” 

“I know. I shouldn’t though. It’s my fault, anyways.”

“How so?”

She cast her gaze to the floor and swept a hand through her hair.

“Well, I think the whole reason we were ambushed was because of me.”

“What? Why would you say that?”

She took a deep breath.

“After Bucky and I got stranded after the attack, I was sure it wasn’t my fault. But then he started saying things, and they were mean… but he was also right. I started second guessing myself, and I thought about it. I mean, out of all of us, I’m the newest. And I was so sure that I turned my signal off…but now I don’t know. I can’t remember. And if it really is my fault they found us, then it’s my fault that fight happened, and it’s my own doing that this—” she pointed to her cast, “happened. I just feel stupid.”

“You weren’t the leak, Y/N.”

“What?”

“It was an accident. Bucky was carrying an extra signal, and no one thought to turn it off.”

“Bucky?” She looked bewildered, shaking her head at this fact.

“Yes.”

“Does he know?”

“Um…I’m not sure. I didn’t tell him. We never had a proper briefing after the chaos derailed our schedule when we got back.”

“I have to go find him.” Her shock turned to a quiet determination of which Steve decided not to push her on.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you still want your hoodie off?”

“Yes please.”

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️

“Buck, wait up!”

Bucky slowed his jog around the track to a stop when he heard her voice.

“Y/N?”

“Hey.” She gave him a sweet smile once she caught up, one he felt undeserving of.

“Is there something you need?” 

“No. I just had to tell you something.”

“I’m listening.” He nodded, crossing his arms. He didn’t mean it in a defensive way, it just happened.

“First of all, you should know it’s not your fault.”

“What?” 

“I just found out how we got ambushed, and I figured I should tell you.”

“Oh.” He fought the urge to look away.

“Sam gave you his signal, right? But it was never turned off. It was just an accident. But I needed to tell you, because I know you’re going to blame yourself when they tell everyone at the briefing.” Her concerned tone and eyes met him for the briefest second before he wiped his hands down his face.

“I feel like an asshole.”

“No, please don’t.” She softly touched his elbow.

“I’m going to be honest Y/N, I thought you were going to take it a lot worse.”

“What do you mean?”

“When you found out that it was me. I was worried you were going to get really mad.”

“Wait, you already knew?”

“Yeah? Sam told me right when he found us…I thought you knew I knew, isn’t that why you just told me all that?”

“I thought you didn’t know. I wanted to be the one to tell you before the briefing, to tell you not to worry about it, because I knew you’d take it hard. But–but you already knew?”

Bucky just stared, jaw dropped at a loss for words.

“And–” She scoffed, “—and you didn’t tell me?!”

“Y/N, I-” 

“Don’t ‘Y/N’, me! You—you, jerk! I can’t believe you knew all this time that you were the leak, and after belittling me and convincing me it was my fault, you didn’t tell me the truth!” She laughed in disbelief. “You selfish, cold-hearted, dickhead!”

He wasn’t sure what to say, but it didn’t matter, because she kept going.

“I’m stuck off missions for the next two months with a broken wrist, and you let me think it was my own doing! You made me feel like an idiot!”

“I was going to tell you—”

“When? After I was already told at the meeting? I can’t believe you!” She turned around briefly as if she couldn’t even face him, but quickly turned back. “To think I felt bad for you when I found out it was you who got us ambushed!”

With each insult she managed to get a little closer to him. So close, in fact, that Bucky was struggling to even comprehend what she was saying anymore. All he could think of was how close he was to her, how his hands were just itching to grab her waist. His head was nearly empty when he finally did carefully grab her and pull her closer to him. She paused her rampage to look up into his adoring eyes at his sudden movement.

“Bucky?” She whispered, a swirl of confusion and intrigue.

He replied by placing his lips gently on hers, feeling the warmth of her touch. She reciprocated, kissing him back for a couple seconds before bringing her hands to his chest to furiously push him away, followed by a swift slap to the face.

“Jeez-” The sudden change from bliss to reality was shocking.

“I can’t believe you James!” She yelled, her flustered look from both the kiss and her rage. “I can’t believe you just kissed me! I have a right to be angry, fuck you for thinking you can shut me up by locking my lips!”

‘Shit, I messed up,” he starts to think, about to spew apologies, when he gets cut off by her grasping his hoodie in her hand and pulling him back in for another kiss. The moment his shock subsides and he sinks back into the waves of her kiss, he’s just as abruptly taken from it, head dizzy as she parts from him just to slap him across the cheek again.

“Ow! What was that for?” He brings his hand to the sting. He’s so dazed and confused, a hurricane of thoughts and emotions all fighting for his attention.

“You make me so mad! I’m fuming right now! You are so selfish—”

She cuts herself off, pulling him in for another kiss, one that he’s still not prepared for. His frustration rising at her antics, he brings both hands to either side of her face and holds her steadily against him, resulting in their first kiss that lasted longer than five seconds. When he finally feels her about to let go for breath, he lets his lips leave hers, and continues to cradle her head, their foreheads resting against each other as they both gasp for breath. 

“You’re not going to slap me again, are you?” He carefully asks, looking into her eyes.

“No.” 

“You’re sure?”

“No.”

He laughs and slowly lets go of her.

“You okay?”

After a few seconds of silence, she responds with hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“I’ve already given you enough reason to hate me, I was sure that if you found out I was the leak, you’d finally hate me for good.”

“I don’t hate you Bucky. I always figured you kind of hated me. Lately you’ve been acting kind of like-”

“A dick, I know,” he nods. “And I’m sorry for that. Really, I am. It’s just-” Bucky’s voice seizes as she sees him look intensely at her mouth.

“It’s what?”

“Can I please kiss you again?”

She slowly nods, and allows Bucky to kiss her for the fourth time. It was fucking heaven to him. Regardless, he abruptly pulls back when a thought crosses his mind.

“Shit, what about Steve?”

“What about Steve?”

“Don’t you like each other?” 

She couldn’t help but think his concern was cute, the way he acted like he was talking about middle school crushes.

“Bucky, no,” she laughs, “Steve and I have just always been really good friends. You know, when people are nice to each other, and they like to hang around each other?”

“I just always thought that-”

“Never. He’s my friend. And I can guarantee you he feels the same as me.”

She lets him process the information, watching him nod to himself as if taking it in.

“Oh.”

“Are you jealous?” She smirks, giving him a flirty shove.

His cheeks go pink as he starts to stutter.

“Jea- jealous? No, not jealous. Just-”

Was he jealous? Was it emasculating to admit it? It doesn’t matter, he doesn’t care, he’s sick of lying.

“Okay, maybe I was a little bit jealous.” He mumbled, drawing his attention to a pebble on the ground that he was toeing. “So, you do like me, right?” 

She lifts his chin upwards and gives him the softest, sweetest, slowest peck. 

“Does that answer your question?” She flutters.

“I think so. But the slapping earlier was a bit confusing.” He teased.

“Sorry about that.”

“It’s alright, it was well deserved.”

“No, I still shouldn’t have hit you.” She said with certainty. “But I am still a little bit upset that you didn’t tell me.”

“Doll, I know I should’ve told you that you weren’t the leak. I wish–”

“No,” she shakes her head, “I’m upset you never told me how you felt about me. Instead you acted-”

“Like a dick, I know–”

“No, I was going to say like a child. But yeah, a dick, too.”

They just stood together for that moment, appreciating the start of something new. New, and beautiful, with a lot less animosity, and a lot more kisses.

A/N: If you’ve made it this far, thank you, thank you, thank you! I hope you liked it. If you feel like it, please lemme know your thoughts! I hope you have a peaceful day/night 💕

[missmarveledsblog]

THE BABYSITTING TRAP (18+)

Summary:  the gang made  a plan to set steve up and Y/n hopper up, did they expect it to go so well ?

Warning : smut , soft dom steve , praise kink , daddy kink , hair pulling   , spanking just steve unleashing his inner eddie to be fair . also everything nancy did and tension during season 4 we're just going to pretend it was us instead.  steve being fluffier than his hair . this is 18+ minors not welcome

As far as failed night go , he was starting to think this was possibly could be the best night of his life.  All he had to do was well  tell her how  he felt . which kinda was hard to do watching to move around her trailer wearing his t-shirt  making them popcorn  to watch a movie alone , together . the girl of his dreams , one that stood by everything , one who appreciated him .  little thing she would do told him as much  when they were hanging as group. she stop them teasing him about his failed love life , made sure eddie didn't eat his favourite snacks if he was running late , hell even having his favourite snacks there .  how she would actually listen to what he had to say during the whole upside down situation .  checking his wounds and making sure everything was healing  or cleaned properly.  how when he was pulled under water she was straight in after .. maybe shit he was idiot . the kids were right and it was right in front of him the whole time . he for once didn't think of his action , when she came over he helped her with placing the things down not before pulling her on to his lap and  cuddling her close , god her giggles made his day, a melody he could listen to on repeat he was sure of it .  " what has gotten into you harrington, not that i'm complaining  " her smile , that damned smile could make anyone's day brighter  . " something that took me way too long to do " he said proud his voice didn't squeak or waver  . " and what would that be " god he had the usually confident teasing yet kind and caring y/n nervous.  " taking that step   ,  a step we both wanted , to finally stop kidding myself and finally go after the girl i want so bad it physically hurts sometimes , making sure no one can take her away " he smiled leaning up and capturing her lips with his .  she wanted to punch herself the shit she  used to say about how ridiculous movie kissing was bullshit . she could literally eat her words with how wrong she was .  how his lips against hers felt like they were meant to be there . two puzzle pieces connect to reveal the whole picture. souls reconnecting after eternity searching for  each other , nerves coming to life , fire work the lot . 

Needing air they reluctantly pulled back , both shit eating grins on there faces .  " about time harrington i was beginning to lose hope " she sighed dramatically head falling against his chest. " hey you could have said something you know " he defended finger lifting her chin to make her eyes align with his . " maybe i was scared " she bit her lip which wasn't a lie  , she'd been the same telling the group they were seeing things .  " well i was was terrified , i mean imagine losing this beautiful , kind , sweetheart , kinda an asshole sarcastic woman and one of my best friends because i told her i love her so much it drive me insane" he bared it all everything he was feeling over the years . " wait love " she sat up looking at him fully searching his eyes  making sure it wasn't some stupid prank between him and the kids or eddie .  " love like full blown burn the world down for you love " he  repeated .  what words failed , actions didn't she crashed her lips against his  hungrily showing him how much she loved him , how he made her go on when she thought she couldn't , how he gave her the strength to fight when she felt weak . steve harrington held a place in her heart  since the moment she met him , those puppy brown eyes had her locked , hook , line and sinker .  she pulled the back of his neck in a bid to get closer , while her skin burned with a need  only he could satisfy .    a quick turn of positions and she was now straddling the man she dreamed about for so long .  steve kissed back harder like she was his only source of oxygen while his hands land on her hip pulling her closer .  like it was on instinct her hips rolled making the man  under let out the sexiest almost primal moan she had ever heard . it was surreal she had steve the hair harrington moaning beneath her .   " if we gonna do this baby girl then we are going to need that bed of yours " a husk almost whisper against her ear making her whimper. steve harrington made her  give out the neediest whimper  something she wasn't aware could happen.  " take me to bed steve " she moaned feeling his strain against his jeans . 

without be breaking the kiss , he lifted her effortlessly up off the chair , holding her steady as he kissed down her neck  the t-shirt he love seeing on  her was now in his way . she could feel her skin almost burn with desire pulling the shirt over her head showing  the pink lace bra hiding underneath . " i definitely died and now in heaven" he teased kissed down her chest as he hand pushed her bedroom door open and kicking it closed . laying her softly on the bed as she pulled her shorts off . " eager are we " he smirked seeing the lust blown eyes , kiss bitten lips and it was all for him .  " please steve fuck touch me , kiss me do something " she kneeled before him pulling him by his waist band .    "yeah i died and this is heaven " he growled pushing her on her back while giving her almost a bruising kiss .  licking , biting down her neck as he unclasped her bra sitting up to admire her , the dream he had were nothing in comparison to the real deal. " fuck you are so beautiful baby girl " his hand giving teasing pinches to her now hardened peaks .  " oh you like that huh baby" he grin bowing his head . at first it teasing kitten licks , before a hiss broken moan came from her lips feeling him sucking and  biting her nipples soft mouth making her core throb with a need . her panties drenched at the way he handled her in such as short space of time.  she felt a fire burn deeper when his kissing began to continue down her body .   even touch of his lips felt like her wildest dreams coming to life yet it still wasn't enough she needed more of him , all of him . " can i take these off"  he asked a false coyness lilt to his deep husky voice. " fuck yes please i need you " she whimpered . " oh baby girl daddy's gonna take care of you , be a good girl and sit back while i eat this little pussy of yours,  can you do that " fuck this was definitely a dream ." yes daddy i'll be good " .   she hissed feeling his finger sliding up and down painful slow yet not even where she wanted . " all this for me such a good girl ..mmm you taste fucking heavenly i knew you would my sweet beautiful girl " he moaned tongue swirling tasting her slick . never did he think he would have her  tasting so sweet on his tongue dancing on his taste buds it was safe to say he was already addicted. " mm fuck daddy " she cried feeling his tongue swirl around her puffy clit sending her head crashing against the pillow  the pulling his hair and her back arching at the sensation . steve harrington ate pussy like it was a five course meal and his last meal all in one . she felt her coil tighten and windup so tight she almost screamed when it snapped making his actions faster lapping up her orgasim . " fuck i'm doing that daily fucking hell baby you taste so good " he groaned wiping her juices from his face.  

" now i need to be in that pussy because i near damn came in my fucking boxers like a little virgin , can i fuck you my sweet girl " he smiled down seeing her blissed out face.  she couldn't speak all her mind consisted of was him and him needing to be inside her . " too cock drunk speak  that's ok daddy will take care of you " he growled teasing his cock through her folds coating him up ,underestimating his own control but slowly he began pushing in , feeling the softness of her walls  it was like she was made for him and him  alone .  she couldn't help the pleading and begging that flew out of her mouth nor if someone told her this would happen she'd laugh in their face yet here she was doing just that  .  " FUCK" she cried as he began to thrust hitting spots in her body she never knew where there ,  her nails  scraping down his back in a bid to pull him closer anyway she could but what surprised her most was when he pinned her hands above her head , fucking her into the mattress like it was his main goal in life  turning her on more that she even thought was possible . babbles and moans filling the room along with the filthiness spewing from the  mans mouth .  " daddy fuck just like that " she cried wanting to grab him but hell even the restricted movement made it better somehow. he let go of her hands gliding them down pinching her nipples as he passed them before he began circling her clit  . " we cum together baby i can feel it  " he growled as she clenched around . " now " his thrust sloppy then she felt his cum filling her up painting ever part of her cervix as she herself clenched down milking ever part of it .  " fuck that was...." she panted . " totally happening every chance we get .. i totally agree" he joked pulling out of her. " steve you know i love you too right .. so much it drives me insane " she leaned up lasily kissing him as he pulled her to his chest .  

bonus : 

" i'm not going in there but it's safe to say the plan worked and dustin is traumatise " robin nodded face in pure disgust. " who knew harrington was a kinky fuck " eddie smirked . " can we please just go " dustin whispered . " come on we can get the money of steve for therapy " robin led him toward eddies van . " HARRINGTON YOU ARE MY HERO " eddie yelled in . " munson come on before henderson barfs in your van " robin hissed. 

[rafeslutsblog]

⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚ CONTENT ⊹ 18+, ghostface!rafe x fem!reader, blood kink, dub-con, chase play, slapping, degrading, stalking — m.list

“What’s your favorite scary movie?”

If there’s errors…look the other way ^^

The incessant ringing of the phone was driving you mad. Every 10 minutes it would go off, shattering the peaceful atmosphere of your movie night while you were chopping up some fruit.

It only made you more irritated that this was your only day off – the one day you had to yourself, away from college, work, and the recent spate of murders in the area.

Now some inconsiderate person was ruining it.

You take a deep breath and answer the phone, hoping it's someone who will quickly get off the line. "Hello? Who is this?” you say, trying to keep the frustration from your voice. A deep sigh, escapes your lips as you shove a strawberry into your mouth.

The fruit's sweetness does little to distract you from the unsettling silence on the other end of the line.

The only sound is the crackle of static. Your fingers twitch on the verge of disconnecting the call, the silence grows too unbearable.

But then, a voice slices through the static. Hollow, disembodied, it sends a chill down your spine,

“You look great in red."

You freeze, feeling the coldness of the knife in your hand as you stare down at your dark red tank top. You swallow hard, feeling the lump in your throat.

"What did you just say?" You press the phone closer to your ear, almost as if you were hoping you had misheard.

“Don’t make me repeat myself.”

“Do those strawberries taste good?”

His uncanny knowledge of the strawberries makes your stomach turn. The feeling of being watched starts to creep up on you as you carefully survey your surroundings.

“Who the fuck are you? This isn’t funny.” You blurt into the phone.

“Do you think I’m joking around? But that cute, dumb expression on your face is making this so much better.”

Everything is thrown out the window as your attention is consumed by the caller. You hang up the phone in distress and trust your instincts, quickly making sure that all the doors are locked. The ones that are previously unlocked are secured without delay.

The eerie sensation lingers.

Your mind races with questions. Could it be a prank? Is it just my friends and their stupid jokes? Your heart pounds with a mixture of fear and curiosity, as you wonder who or what could be responsible for this unsettling feeling.

The phone's shrill tone cuts through the silence once more. Initially, you're inclining to ignore it, but a nagging sensation tugs at your consciousness, urging you to.

The feeling of being observed grows more and more unsettling as you carefully examine your surroundings.

Every step you take seems to be met with an invisible gaze, as if someone or something was watching your every move.

You reach out for the phone, your other hand instinctively clutches a knife from the counter. “Listen, I don’t know who you are but leave me alone asshole!” The sheer uncertainty of the situation weighs heavy on your shoulders, constricting your chest and making each breath a struggle.

“Do you think I already made it inside your house before you could make sure all your doors were locked?”

As the words escape the person's mouth, you felt a sudden grip from behind. Two imposing arms enveloping you in a vice-like grip.

One, as solid as steel, snakes around your neck, constricting your breath, while the other, as firm as an oak trunk, clasps you tightly around your midriff. Making the knife in your hand instantly drop to the floor.

A scream, a raw cry of fear and surprise, tears from your throat, its piercing echo reverberates through every corner of the house.

In a frenzy of adrenaline and fear, you retaliate against the shrouded figure, throwing a forceful elbow that connects with a muffled grunt.

You have no doubt this is the same masked man who’s behind the murders in the cut. With a burst of energy, you break free, your feet pounds against the cold floor in a desperate sprint.

You bolt forward, your hands instinctively reaching out until they collide with the staircase. Panic muddles your thoughts as you scramble upwards, each step a lifeline.

Your mind is a mess as you run up the stairs, desperately trying to get to your bedroom.

The distinct sensation of being pursued floods your senses, a thrill of terror and anticipation intertwining in your chest.

Then there he is. The terror becomes tangible as a gloved hand ensnares your ankle, yanking you mercilessly back down the steps. Your body tumbles in a confused mess and you let out a terrified scream before his hand suddenly changes, seizing you by the hair and forcing you to the top of the stairs.

Your jaw strikes the hard floor, causing your entire body to ache. He leans in to press his chest firmly into your back and grasps your shoulder blade. Under the surface of terror, there’s a crazy rush that serves as a terrifying reminder of the peril you’re in.

A wild thrill beneath the veil of fear.

The man grinds his hips against your loosely covered ass. “Where do you think you’re going?”

Your breath hitches, it’s in equal measure because of his words and the depth in his voice. The raspiness in it as if he’s trying to invade your mind, and it’s working.

A stranger. This is happening.

“I’m going to ram my bare dick into that tight cunt of yours and rip you apart and you’re going to take it like the dirty whore you are.”

Holy fucking shit.

This is crazy. He’s crazy. You’re crazy.

You know you shouldn’t, I mean this is almost likely a murderer and god knows what else? He broke into your home, he might even kill you if he wants to.

And yet, you buck against him, your ass nuzzles into the hardness of his cock beneath the costume. You feel the bulge, you can feel it through your shorts.

You know how much it’ll hurt your virgin self. But it’s impossible to stop, not when you’ve gotten this far.

“Do you really think you can fight me, slut? Huh?”

You don’t know what snaps inside you. If it’s the name-calling or the condescension in it, but you squirm as a scream echoes through the empty darkness.

You twist around, squealing as you hit and claw anywhere you can touch him.. All that results is him tilting his head beneath that stupid, stupid mask.

His grin widens beneath it.

For years Rafe has pined over you, watching from afar. Even when you never noticed. You were a good girl, closed off and quiet. You weren’t a social butterfly compared to everyone else in town.

When he first saw you walking home from the library in that short black dress that hugged your waist perfectly, he knew he wanted to have you.

His obsession only grew when he saw how you were in private. If you asked him he could name all your favorite songs, foods, shows, and games in a second.

He wanted nothing more than to be by your side making you laugh and smile.

And he loved jerking off to the thought of you, thinking about fucking your tight little pussy as you begged for more.

What made it better was you never got close with any guys. Even if you did, they wouldn’t last long.

You were unattainable for him, but not anymore. He has his chance and he’s going to take it whether you like it or not.

He grabs both of your wrists and slams them above your head on the stairs as the shadow of his abdomen flexes over you.

You try to kick him as you wiggle, releasing god-awful raspy pants filled with the need to survive and something else. “Let me go, you fucking asshole.” You choke out.

You sound like you’re in danger, and you are. The only problem is that you want it.

Slap!

You need it.

You gasp as the sting registers on your face. He just…slapped you and…you’re wet. “Run your mouth again and I’ll fuck you raw in the ass.” He grabs your chin with his calloused fingers and shakes you, and you swear you’re dripping into your little shorts.

He growls in frustration, his fingers curling into tight fists. His grip on your hair tightens as he yanks your head back and rams you against the stairs.

You yelp and your hands shoot for him in a mad act of defense, but it’s too late. He’s already ripping at your shorts.

Why are you becoming horny in this type of situation?

Fuck just blame it on the movies.

You kick your legs in the air but your strength doesn’t match him. Even with the costume you can feel his muscles. Your heart races with the adrenaline coursing through your veins as you struggle against his weight.

“Fight all you want.” He pulls you closer, his hardened length grinds against your exposed lower half.

Rafe yanks your shorts off, cupping your clothed pussy with his palm letting a moan escape from your mouth. “Ah! Wait-no! This-o-oh...”

His hardened dick throbs, wanting nothing more than to fill you up and breed the shit out of you.

Your heart races as he rips off your panties eagerly and touches you instantly.

He slaps you on the pussy and you squeal, your back arching. The stairs feel so rough against you, but even they add a strange sense of stimulation.

“Look at your cunt weeping for me. Such a dirty slut.”

“I’m not…not a slut…”

He smacks your soaking cunt again, you whimper-squeal as he savagely thrusts two fingers inside you.

It’s so much rougher than when you handle myself, you can barely ever fit more than a finger. You wince at the unfamiliar sensation, growing wetter around the intrusion.

“Do you feel how my fingers are stretching you? Soon, it’ll be my dick and it’s bigger and harder.” You feel his palm rub against your clit as he relentlessly thrusts his digits inside you, with no sign of stopping anytime soon.

“You’re so fucking wet f’me…knew you were a whore.”

Overwhelmed by the dual sensations, she finally succumbs to the onslaught. Your mouth falls open, “Oh f-fuck..!” Her body convulses violently, her orgasm taking hold and milking his fingers.

He grunts in satisfaction as he feels her tightening around his fingers and her walls pulsing against them.

“Yes, strangle my fingers before you take my thick dick up this tight cunt.” He picks up the pace, his cum covered digits digging deeper into her soaked folds. It fuels to your orgasm and you don’t think you’ll fall down from it as the sound of his zipper reaches your ear.

He forces your thighs apart, not so gently. “Open them wide for me and keep them there.” You try to fight, but he pinches your clit, causing a sob to tear from you.

With his hand in your hair, he wraps the other around your throat and powers inside you in one brutal go. Your mouth remains open in a soundless cry and your eyes roll to the back of your head.

Nothing could’ve prepared you for the violation of his huge cock. It’s the literal definition of being torn apart and feeling every second of it.

“Mmm…a fucking virgin. Even fucking better.” The satisfaction and pure sadism in his tone leaves you gasping.

It’s so much better fucking you firsthand compared to his imagination, he couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe how much he waited and here you are, beneath him, clamping down on his cock

“I can feel your blood coating my dick. The best lube I’ve ever had.”

He pulls back almost all the way out and slams back in. Tears gather in your eyes from the sting of it, furrowing your eyebrows in pain. The way your being stretched and filled to the brim is overwhelming.

The pain is searing, burning, as his thick length stretches your tight little hole. You can barely catch your breath with each thrust, every slide of his hips.

And the most screwed-up part is that you’re craving the degradation and the immorality of it all. He drives into you with renewed energy, as if he’s indeed trying to tear your flesh and leave you bleeding on the floor.

“Oh my god it hurts…! Oh, p-please-..”

Your voice breaks with each plea, but he shows no mercy, his cock plowing deeper and harder into you with each passing moment.Your voice becomes high-pitched, almost hysterical now.

“Stop..! It hurts..oh, my fucking god..”

You don’t know why you’re saying it. It’s not like you want him to stop. In fact, you’re falling into the sting of pain more than you would ever admit.

Rafe groans loudly, his massive cock pistoning in and out of your quivering opening. “Take it all, bitch”

“S-slow down..”

But he doesn’t slow down anyway. He takes it to the next level until your breathing is chopped off. Until all you’re releasing are guttural sounds from deep in your soul.

“Mmm…yes, you’re so fucking tight.” His voice is deeper, darker, and laced with a frightening type of lust. Animalistic, even. “Pussy so good f’me.”

“Holy fuck!" you scream as his cock hits your cervix. It's too much, but somehow, it's also exactly what you've been craving.

He rolls his hips and then drives in again, making you see stars in the pitch-blackness. The stairs dig into your back and your air supply diminishes more by the second due to his hold on your neck and how dizzy you are.

The fact that you’re being fucked senseless by a man wearing a ghostface costume in the dark should be any sane person’s nightmare. It should twist you up and drag you down.

You should be crying because of the pain, and while you are, it’s not only that.

It doesn’t turn you off. It’s the exact opposite. Your body quivers under his assault, begging for more as your mind drifts into a haze of pleasure and pain.

You’re so wet that the audible in and out of his cock echoes in the air. The tangible smell of sex and sweat surround you both until they’re all you inhale.

And him.

There’s always him, hovering over you, immobilizing you in place and powering into you over and over.

He goes on and on, ramming inside you like he’s punishing you. Like you’re just a worthless hole he’s using to get off. “Do you feel yourself strangling my dick? Such a whore, even while being a virgin.” Your jack slacks open letting out incoherent words, “Oh-god..! You...”

“Ahhh…so fucking good.” He tightens his hold on your throat until you think you’re gonna faint.

“What’d ya say? Gonna say something about how im fucking your needy and tight cunt?”

But something entirely different happens. “We both know you like it-fuck..!”

You come.

This orgasm is different from anything you’ve experienced. There’s no buildup to alert you to the impact or those tingling sensations at your core whenever you’re about to reach a peak.

You can barely breathe as you let out a scream and shatter around his cock.

He picks up the speed of his thrusts, causing your back to slide up and down the stairs. It lasts through your orgasm, fueling it, heightening it, before he pulls out.

A groan escapes you when your pussy’s nerves tingle, indicating how sore and battered it is. You blink in confusion, still caught in your orgasm-induced haze as you stare at him.

He releases your throat but not your hair as he crawls up your body and settles on top of you so that his knees are on either side of your face.

Grabbing his hard cock in one hand, he slaps you with it across the lips and you taste the precum. “Open that mouth and take me like a good whore.”

“What-..? I don’t know how to-“ When you hesitate, he hits you three consecutive times on the lips and slaps your jaw. You open your mouth slightly and he thrusts inside taking advantage, instantly hitting the back of your throat. “There ya go..fuck yes. Your throat feels so goddamn good.”

You choke and attempt to squirm, but his grip on your hair tightens. He uses your mouth in the most brutal way possible, making you gag on your drool and tears. He barely allows you any air before he drives back in and does it all over again.

And again.

Your jaw is numb and your pussy aches, but the itch inside you is still there, demanding more.

Just when you think he’ll keep fucking your face all night long, he pulls out. “Open your mouth wide. Let me see your tongue.” You do as he tells you, wincing.

He moans, “Fuck….” Hot cum sprays all over your mouth and chin. “Lick every fucking drop.” You lick your lips, swallowing, tasting the both of you.

“Yes…”

He taps your mouth with his cock, not too hard now, but enough to get your attention. “You’re mine.”

[7brownsuga7]

Hi! Can you please write BTS reaction to getting rejected before they can actually confess to their crush? Not directly, just subtly. For example–their crush keeps saying that she would never date a celebrity because a lot of fans will hate and bully her. Also dating a celebrity comes with tons of hassle, secrecy and arguments etc. to let him know she has no romantic feelings).”

Hey!… A year later and here we are.. I’m SO sorry omg😭 (ps: idk I kind of felt like I repeated myself a lot on some of these points so let’s ignore that xoxo)

Namjoon:

When you randomly revealed to him that you would never date a celebrity, you didn’t see the sudden shift on his face. Eyebrows raised. He masked it quickly by giving a smile and asking you to elaborate just because he was ‘curious’

Understands your reasoning but also subtly gives you all the pros of dating a celebrity.

Is very respectful and understanding, this will definitely leave him pondering.

Will give his opinion about it not seeming that bad dating a celebrity, but will brush it off

This hurts him more than he lets on but he’ll never show it

I feel like he won’t push it. Like he’ll respect your reasonings and let it be that. He’d rather be hurt than push you past what you’re comfortable with

He’d rather remain close to you, he doesn’t want to lose you as a whole so he’ll be content on staying friends, as long as you’re around. He values your friendship and connection more than anything

He’ll definitely admire you from a distance and will probably lose himself thinking about what could have been

I can definitely see him putting his emotions into his music. Leaving hints in his lyrics about how he feels as he knows he shouldn’t voice them out loud

Jin:

When you told Jin, he initially laughed it off, masking his disappointment with humour. He’d agree with you and make jokes about it but deep down he’ll obviously be hurt.

Still confesses to you anyways lmfao

Like he’s gonna be upfront and listen to what you’re saying, but still confess because he doesn’t see the point in not

Still despite this he’ll still respect your thoughts and won’t openly ask for anything more.

He would still drop playful comments and hints and flirt but he knows there won’t be anything further and he’ll be okay with that. If you put that boundary in place he’ll definitely respect that, but you know how playful Jin is.

He’s just happy that he can still be friends with you, regardless of his feelings and your thoughts on dating a celebrity

Yoongi:

Yoongi didn’t show any emotion when you told him. He kept his emotions hidden and feelings close to his chest. Allowing you to speak freely about how you felt.

He understands your reasonings and will openly tell you it is hard being a celebrity, let alone date one.

He’s still hurt that the possibility of you two being together is less likely to happen now.

He definitely respects your perspective as he understands the pressures that come with his lifestyle

To be honest, he’s just happy that you’re being real with him, he appreciates that more than anything

But I feel like he would distance himself (knowingly or unknowingly idk) and focus more on his music for sure, expressing himself through that

He’s not gonna ghost you though Lfmao, just give him some time to process it.

Hobi:

When you told Hobi about your views, he couldn’t help but to force the smile on his face. It faltering now and then, but he made sure that his face didn’t express how he truly felt in that moment.

You know how Hobi is. He’s gonna be hurt but he’ll definitely try to stay positive about it all.

He’ll definitely make light of the situation and make jokes, you know how he is

Despite how he feels about you, he’ll still want to continue the friendship how it was going before, cherishing your friendship more than anything. He’ll quietly deal with his feelings separately.

He’ll definitely get over it though, like once he knows you’re not going to be interested, he’ll eventually get over it and the whole romantic feelings he had towards you, even if they may linger a bit deep down inside.

Note: I can also see him in the dance studio dancing to release the stress and his emotions idk

Jimin:

A mix of emotions ran through Jimin, even though he tried his best not to show it.

He’s gonna feel disappointed, sad, and will definitely doubt himself.

He understands how you feel and therefore respects your feelings.

I can see him withdrawing from being around you as he processes everything.

He’ll try not to avoid you, but knowing the things he now knows will be hard for him to see you.

Don’t worry though, he’ll be back because he truly can’t stay away from you and will prioritise your friendship above anything else

Taehyung:

He can’t help the pain in his chest, the sudden drop of reality settling in as he hears the words he fears escape your lips.

He’s able to mask his emotions quite well, not giving you the chance to sense his disappointment

To be truthful, he can empathise with your view. He respects your honesty so much that he can’t really be upset about it.

He will probably make light of the situation

Still, he will reflect on this conversation in his own way, privately so he can bask in his emotions

Probably resulting in him working through his emotions through art or music. I can see him even writing/journaling.

I can see him talking about this with his friends, seeking advice

Your bond will still be cherished despite his feelings, and he will work hard to be a better friend.

Jungkook:

He can’t ignore the sharp ache of disappointment as he listens to your words.

He will definitely beat himself up over this as he has spent his time fantasising about you and what you could have been, now he feels guilty, ashamed and embarrassed.

He will become quiet as he tries to process your words, trying his best to hide his emotions

Despite his feelings, he understands and respects your honesty about the challenges you worry about.

I can see him still try to subtly prove himself and that he could protect you from the pressure of his lifestyle. ( he won’t push your boundaries though) if you’re feelings are still clear and firm then he would accept it.

It will take him time to get over his emotions as he usually wears his heart on his sleeve.

He’s definitely gonna handle the stress by working out lfmao

[midsummer-semantics]

if the world was ending

Okay, I told myself I wasn't going to write anything for @steddieangstyaugust but apparently I lied (I'm sorry)

Here's for day 1: Second Chance

CW: Slight agoraphobia

[not posted to AO3 but you can find other things there.]

When the earthquake hits, he’d like to say he thinks about his parents first. That he wonders where they are and if they're safe or if they’d hear about it from wherever they are in the world. If they’d call to check on him, even though they never did before.

He'd like to say he thinks about Robin, who's two states away studying for a graduate degree in International relations and communication, and likely doesn't feel the ground moving beneath her feet like he does.

Hell, he'd like to say he thinks about the kids, but most of them are scattered themselves, starting college programs (Will, Mike, Dustin) or sports training camps (Lucas) or exploring the West Coast (Max and El).

No, Steve is alone in his big, empty house when it hits, and the only thing on his mind is that they were wrong. Indiana doesn't get earthquakes, so something else has to be afoot. Six years since they defeated Vecna, since everyone tried to move on with their lives while Steve stayed because that's what he does, he stays.

A touchstone Dustin had called him once. Something to do with foundation and a connecting center. Steve still thinks it might have just been him and the rest of the group trying to make him feel better about still being stuck in the same house, in the same town, doing nothing and going nowhere.

He's alone and he thinks 'This is it. What I've been waiting for.'

He has a 6-year-old emergency pack stored that should have more dust on it if it wasn't for the way he chronically checks it. His trusty bat and a duplicate he made just in case, plus the ax he used the last time, are all near enough to the door. He's not sure what the protocol is for earthquakes, having grown up in the Midwest, but he's pretty sure he's not supposed to be indoors, right?

It doesn't last very long, but it doesn't matter. A few seconds of the ground shaking and rolling beneath his feet are enough to jumpstart him into action.

He's gathering supplies, cursing himself for taking too long, when the phone in the kitchen rings.

He should ignore it, knows that whatever or whoever it is can wait until he's secured the area and alerted the cavalry that something is happening. It'll take days for people to get here and Steve thinks he might he able to hold off whatever's coming out of whatever rift has sprung up until then, but he doesn't have time to think about it too hard.

The phone rings off the hook as Steve takes too damn long to double-check that nothing is in the house before he even attempts to go outside, and Steve knows he can't just leave it. Not in case it's someone who's still in town who knows he's here: Mrs. Wheeler, Claudia, Jim or Joyce.

He nearly rips the cord out of the wall when he answers.

"Stevie?!" comes the frantic voice of the person he least expects to be on the other side.

"Eddie?"

"Steve, oh my god." He can hear Eddie panting. "Are you okay?"

It's the first time Steve's heard Eddie's voice in five years. Since Eddie made good on his promise to run like hell out of here, something he'd repeated to anyone who would listen until he finally did. Five years since Steve had realized he was halfway in love with him after saving the world and never got to say anything because he was a coward and Eddie was leaving anyway so what was the point?

He'd gotten one phone call when Eddie arrived in Denver and it's been radio silence since then. Truthfully, he couldn't blame the guy, but Steve had had... thoughts... feelings... probably brought on by end-of-the-world shit but nonetheless. And then Eddie just—

Vanished.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Are you?" he asks.

"We're good," Eddie replies, and only then does he hear the rough grumble of Eddie's uncle in the background, asking why Eddie's on the phone at nearly 3 in the morning.

"Earthquake, old man," Eddie shouts, still too close to the receiver for Steve's already damaged hearing.

Oh.

So, Eddie's in town. Cool. Steve had no idea. Doesn't know when Eddie got in or if he ever intended to tell Steve he was here at all. That's fine.

"Sorry, Stevie. Woke Wayne up. Shit— did I wake you up too?"

Steve swallows harshly, shaking his head even though Eddie can't see it. "No, I was already awake."

"Me too," Eddie replies. "Jet lag. Just got in a few hours ago. What a welcome home, huh?"

"Sure," Steve says, wondering what the point of this call is. "Look, I'm glad to hear from you, but I really need to—"

"Wait!" Steve shuts his mouth, his teeth clacking harshly. "It's fine. Everything is fine."

"Dude, there was an earthquake just now—"

"And it wasn't You-Know-What related," Eddie states, a bit of his franticness back in his voice. "They're leveling part of the plant for safety issues. Wanted to do it at night so no one would freak out." Steve cringes. Hawkins wasn't exactly magnanimous about the rebuilding efforts last time, but he doesn't go to city council meetings to hear about what the efforts might have been since then. "That's part of why I'm home. Wayne's got an extended leave until they sort out what else to do."

Steve sighs, dropping the emergency pack on the floor and leaning the ax he'd managed to grab against the wall. "Oh. Great. Wish they'd have told everyone else just in case."

"I know, sweetheart. But everything is okay."

Sweetheart.

Steve's actual heart skips a beat hearing that again.

"I'll be back, sweetheart. I promise."

"So... you're here then? In Hawkins?"

There's a beat of silence, some shuffling on the other end. "Well, yeah. I told you I'd come back."

"For your uncle."

"He's part of it."

Steve hesitates, hating himself for even considering getting his hopes up.

"And the other part?"

"My guy is here."

When the earthquake hit, he’d like to say he thought about his parents first.

No, he'd thought it was the end of the world. And above that, all he could think about was Eddie.

[vickytaa]

𝕯𝖔 𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖉𝖆𝖗𝖊 𝖙𝖔 𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖉𝖆𝖗𝖐𝖓𝖊𝖘𝖘? 𝕻.2.

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔢𝔯𝔶: A new video in collaboration with Sam and Colby, where the group enters an abandoned church full of mysteries. What starts as an exciting adventure quickly turns into a nightmare. Y/n will have terrifying nightmares and must fight her fears after entering the darkness. Part 1.

"She... The girl was one of the few people who saw a nun, even though the place is abandoned. Some say they couldn't stop seeing her when they looked in the mirror, others say it was just that moment, and others say they stopped seeing her but strange things happened around them. What they did notice was that there was a kind of pattern, when the person was afraid, the nun's curse was even stronger, as if..."

"As if it was feeding on fear." Colby finished.

My body began to shake desperately, fear coursing through my veins. I tried to look at Matt, who was also scared but was trying his best not to break down there.

We all looked at each other, knowing that the best thing was to keep me company. "Honey, you..." Matt tried to calm me down, but I interrupted him, "Stay with me. Please, Matt," I begged, grabbing his shirt as if I would die if I didn't.

Matt hugged me tighter as I rested my head more and more against his chest. "I was scared, Matt." He pulled away a little, but just enough to see my face. My eyes were full of panic, even though almost an hour had passed since the incident. It broke him to see me like this, because normally I was the strong one, the brave one, but now? now I was scared.

"It's okay, sweetheart. You're with me now, I'm not going anywhere." Matt said. The words hung in the air as I tried to reach them, to believe them. I knew Matt wasn't going to leave my side, but I was scared of what might happen. What if I go back to the darkness?

Matt sat me on his lap, to have me even closer, showering me with small kisses to try to calm me down. My body began to tremble as my mind replayed the scenarios over and over again, each time feeling more real. I tried to push those thoughts away to drown myself in Matt's love and security.

Another hour passed, and the event was almost forgotten, at the back of my mind. I was laughing at a joke Matt made to make me feel something other than fear. "Matt, I think... I think we should continue with the video," I said, now sure that nothing else was going to happen.

Or so I thought...

We started looking for the others until we found them about to do the 'Estes method' where the person doing it is blindfolded and listens to words coming out of a 'special' radio, through headphones.

It was my favorite part of Sam and Colby's videos, but I still felt a little scared to get back into the game. So, when they asked who was going to do it, I immediately said no.

"I'll do it," Matt said, "I'll go with you," Chris followed. We all agreed and started with the method.

"If any person or being is here with us, please communicate through the devices," Colby said.

Silence.

"I repeat, if any being is here with us, communicate through these devices."

Silence, again.

We all started asking questions every now and then, but with no answers, as if neither Chris nor Matt could connect with the entities here.

Few insignificant words came out despite the long time they were there. Colby touched Chris's shoulder while I touched Matt's.

When they took off the equipment, we explained that it hadn't worked well, and they replied that we could try again. Despite the fear, I didn't want to miss out, for me, the best part of the video, so I decided to be brave and offered to do it.

At first, everyone hesitated, but after insisting a little more, they let me.

I sat in the wooden chair, with the headphones and blindfold on. Matt rested his hand on my thigh to assure me that he was there.

"Death," I heard the neutral voice from the headphones, "Death," I repeated exactly the same, interpreting the tone.

"Father," "Father."

The words weren't making much sense, but I was sure they were answering the questions the others were asking.

Shortly after, I heard a small, gruff laugh, which made me jump a little in fear, as I felt it in my right ear, as if a man was there. "A small laugh, like an adult man," I said.

The meaningless words quickly reappeared, "Fire," "Broken," "Eight," among others.

Suddenly, that gruff-voiced man's laugh was heard again, "The man's laugh again," I said, now a little scared, since normally words or things don't repeat.

Matt's hand was still there, motionless, squeezing my leg every now and then.

The radio went silent, no more words came out of there, until a deep voice said, "Are you afraid of the dark?"

My body tensed quickly, my hands began to shake. It was the same voice as before. I'd had enough.

I desperately took off the headphones and threw them on the floor. My hands traveled to the back of my head, to untangle the knot and take off the blindfold. I quickly opened my eyes, and there...

There was nothing.

Only darkness.

"No, please, not again!" I started to scream desperately, the air trapped in my throat. My eyes filled with tears and poured down my face. My head was killing me, and I slowly started to feel dizzy, my legs were slowly giving out and my heart was getting tired of beating.

I closed my eyes but quickly opened them at the feeling of being shaken. "Y/N!" Matt said, his face was practically inches from mine, but I could read his panic from miles away.

My mind was clouded, as I did nothing. The tears were falling down my face, but I couldn't feel them anymore. Nor did I feel that warmth of Matt when he hugged me.

I was exhausted. My legs felt like I'd run a marathon, and breathing was as hard as if I were at the top of the highest mountain.

"Let's go home," Matt said, hugging me and carrying me to the car. I wanted to stay there to finish the video they'd been planning for months, feeling guilty for ruining it, but at that point, I was so weak I couldn't even form a word.

Matt said goodbye to everyone and took me to the car. He quickly started it and began to drive. The tiredness was killing me, and since I got tired of fighting it, unfortunately, I lost and fell fast asleep.

The softness and comfort of my bed woke me up. "Matt..." I tried to look for him but my eyelids were too tired to open.

"I'm here, love. Let's sleep," Matt said, gently wrapping an arm around my waist, pulling me as close as possible.

Hours passed and the tiredness never came. I really tried to fall asleep, to follow Matt, but I just couldn't.

I decided that the best thing to do would be to get some water and go back to bed, it was simple and quick, right?

Right?

The scenes of today were in the back of my mind, while the glass of water was in front of everything. I slowly got out of his embrace and got up to go to the kitchen. The house was silent, which indicated that Nick and Chris hadn't returned yet. I felt a little bad for ruining their video, but I also didn't want to stay there to continue suffering.

The lights were off, a cold breeze passed, sending shivers down my spine. There was a strange tension in the air, as if something was going to happen, but I decided to ignore it.

I grabbed the glass and poured myself some cold water, trying to calm my nighttime thoughts. I was already out of there, I was with Matt, there was nothing to worry about. Or was there?

I turned to leave the glass on the counter, and there I saw her.

Kneeling in front of me, the nun again.

Panic and fear ran through my veins. I was frozen, not knowing what to do. I dropped the glass on the floor, shattering into a thousand pieces, but I couldn't hear it anymore, I could only hear the nun's sobs, getting louder and louder.

"Matt! Matt, please!!" I started to scream desperately, but for some strange reason, I couldn't hear anything. No matter how hard I screamed, nothing came out of my mouth.

I grabbed my throat in desperation. My eyes wide open, I watched as the nun slowly stood up in front of me, clearly towering over me.

Her burned hands detached from her face, moving slowly towards my neck.

Tears streamed down my eyes without stopping, my body completely frozen, all my strength trying to scream or get something to wake Matt up, but nothing helped.

The nun's hands, cold and dusty, began to squeeze my throat, cutting off my breath.

This was it, there was nothing else to do. All my strength spent, my soul slowly leaving my body.

𝕴 𝖘𝖍𝖔𝖚𝖑𝖉 𝖓𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗 𝖍𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖉𝖆𝖗𝖊𝖉 𝖙𝖔 𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖉𝖆𝖗𝖐𝖓𝖊𝖘𝖘.

𝐕 -

[crowsofdarkness]

Soldat: Chapter Six

-gif not mine. credit to owner-

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Female Agent! Reader. Slight Steve Rogers x Female Agent! Reader

Content Warnings: language, 18 + implied smut, angst, fluff, kidnapping, violence.

Summary: Agent Y/N has worked alongside Steve Rogers at SHIELD for some time all while keeping a dark secret from everyone. Until one day that darkness faces her head on and she's forced to make a choice. Continue fighting along side Captain America? Or find her home once again with Soldat?

Authors Note: This was originally published on my old blog as a trilogy so I will be in the slow process of adding it to this blog. This is the first of the trilogy and will take place during The Winter Soldier. If anyone is interested in being tagged, let me know!

Tags: @globetrotter28 @sakuracyberhex @chinggay85-blog @bookofriverr @misatxox @that-blonde-girl

Soldat Masterlist

Throbbing pain of regret bounced around in my mind, body suddenly twitching back to life. The haziness began to clear, a dark room only lit by a dim light came into view. Metal bars surrounded me and I realized that I was locked in a cell. On one end of the cell there was a small cot with a blanket and on the opposite side was a sink, mirror, and a toilet that looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in years. 

An unattractive groan slipped through my lips as I pushed myself off the cold floor and slowly made my way to the mirror, cringing at my reflection. My hair was matted into knots and a slight purple mark was starting to form under my right eye. I quickly braided my hair then took in the disheveled state of my clothes. My shirt was covered in blood and sweat while my pants were covered in dirt and holes. 

Holes. 

My fingers grazed over what used to be the bullet hole that I had just a few hours ago. The skin was soft, no wound in sight. 

“What the-?” I cursed. 

“Ah, you’re awake.” 

Eyes snapped to the man on the other side of the cell and my skin crawled in disgust. 

Alexander Pierce. 

“Where am I?” I questioned, the faint pain of a headache rattling my brain. 

“Now, why would I tell you that? So you can send a message to your team to come find you?” Pierce asked. 

I gave him a slight shrug and smirked at him. “I thought you’d be stupid enough.” 

“Steve will never find you.” Pierce slid a chair in front of the cell and took a seat. “I’m not sure he would want too after he finds out about your gift.” 

“Gift? What are you talking about?” My eyes sliced into him. 

“You don’t remember? The amount of pain you went through when you saw the soldier in the chair?” 

My heart fluttered in my chest at the mention of him but I refused to let Pierce see my weakness for him. I crossed my arms over my chest, putting all of my weight on my left leg, and raised my eyebrows at him. 

“What are you talking about?” I repeated. 

Pierce remained silent, only pulling out his phone and hitting a button before turning it towards me. On the small screen, Soldat was strapped to the chair, electricity whirring to life, his body tensing with the fear of what was mere seconds away from happening. 

“I knew him.” 

Sadness etched in my bones at how broken his voice sounded and I bit my lip to stop the tears. 

“They both acted like they knew me,” Soldat’s lips quivered. 

“You’ve met them before on assignment,” Pierce appeared on the screen. “We’ve already told you this.” 

Soldat firmly shook his head. “She wasn’t on any mission. I knew her. Intimately.” 

The secret memories that were made just for us fluttered around in my head, my heart rate rising tenfold, realizing that he was starting to remember them. I could still remember the way his skin felt on mine. 

Pierce grabbed Soldat’s chin, forcing him to look at him. “She left you. She was afraid of what you became; what Hydra made you.”’

“You lied to him!” I screamed, reaching for the phone. “He’s the one that helped me escape. It was him!” 

Pierce sighed before pausing the video. “You two are meant to be connected; as one. His love for you made you the perfect candidate.” 

“Candidate? For what?” I choked out. 

“You two are going to use your gifts for the greater good. It will kill millions but save thousands,” Pierce stood this time, closing the distance between him and the bars of the cell, letting the video play again. 

Tears brimmed in the soldier’s eyes but he blinked them away before anyone saw his weakness. 

“Prep him.” Pierce commanded. “Double it.” 

“We’ve never gone past 50.” A voice cried in the background. 

“He’s remembering too much. DO IT!” 

Screams of pain echoed off of the brick walls but it wasn’t just the soldiers, it was mine as well. It erupted from low in my throat, the pain of a thousand needles stabbing my brain over and over again, the knives twisting and turning. We both cried out, wanting the pain to stop, and I gripped the metal bars in front of me. 

“Make it stop!” I cried. “Turn it off!” 

“No! You need to tap into your full potential. Your powers will be used for the greater good!” Pierce demanded, letting the cries echo down the halls. 

Anger ran through my veins, a slow warmth spreading down to my fingertips and they shook with an itch, wanting to wrap around Pierce's throat. Suddenly, the pain had vanished in my head and my eyes went dark with hate, the warmth in my fingertips burning with fire. 

Literal fire. 

A scream clawed its way from my throat as I reached for Pierce’s phone, flames immediately engulfing it. I watched in horror as a fireball emanated from my palms, dancing with the slow breeze of air around us. I pulled my hand back through the bars to my chest, the fire disappearing with a puff of smoke. 

“Wha-what did you do to me?!” I shuddered. 

Pierce’s eyes were wide with excitement. “I gave you a gift, Y/N! You and the soldier will be unstoppable!” 

“Why?!” I slowly backed away from him, trying to give us distance. 

“It was inevitable; no matter how many times we wiped his memory or put him on ice, he always remembered you. When he would get weak, he would mutter your name in the dark. We needed to find you, to make him stronger!” Pierce admitted. 

I shook my head, the pieces of the puzzle clicking together. “This is why I was hired at SHIELD? For some vendetta?!” 

The flames returned, my hands grabbing a fist full of Pierce’s suit, the fire burning him through to the skin. 

“Bitch!” He cried out, releasing my hands from his arm. 

Fear spread through me as Pierce opened the door to the cell and he grabbed my arm, throwing me onto the cot. I scrambled to get farther away from him but he continued to slither close, like a snake following his prey. 

“I give you everything you need; powers, your true love. And this is how you repay me?!”

Movement on the other side of the bars caught our attention and I felt the nerves wrack my body when I saw Soldat standing in the doorway to the small room, no emotion in his eyes. 

“Take care of her; make sure to be quiet.” Pierce commanded before leaving us, the bare skin of his arm red with a burn from my touch. 

We both sat in silence, staring at one another, and his eyes started traveling lower to the tips of my fingers where the fire still burned. His eyebrows pulled together in confusion. 

“They did that to you?” 

I blinked at the deep, richness, to his voice but slowly nodded. “Did you-did you hear all of that?”

His silence was the answer I needed. 

I brought my hands to my face as I continued to shake with fear. 

“I can’t make it stop. I don’t-I can’t make it go away,” I sobbed. 

Soldat’s body stiffened before he entered the cell, bending at the knees in front of me. His metal hand covered both of mine, the fire evaporating. Forcing my gaze from our hands, I watched a low light in his eyes flicker, something as if remembrance appeared in them. 

“Do you remember?” I breathed. 

His lips twitched, trying to hold back a small smile. “I remember the feeling but I can’t remember anything else.”

With a free hand, I slowly raised it to move a strand of hair from his eyes, his body tensing under my touch, but the fear of the fire returning and hurting him caused me to pull my hand back to my chest. 

“I have to get out of here.” I said, mostly to myself. 

His face fell for a split second before nodding. “There’s a door at the end of the hall that leads to the outside. Go straight for two miles and there’s a motel that you can call your friends for help. You’ll have to run fast otherwise they will catch you.” 

My mouth fell agape. “You’re letting me leave?” 

Soldat stood to his feet and shrugged, a blank look still on his face. “You don’t belong here; I do.” 

“Buck-.” I bit my lip, stopping the name to leave them, as I stood in front of him. “You don’t belong here, either. What you have gone through, no one should have to do that alone. Come with me.” 

“You should go now. They will send me after you.” He ignored my request. 

Licking my lips, I gave him a small nod and went to move past him, ready for my escape, but the feeling of metal wrapping around my wrist stopped me.

My gaze bounced from my wrist in his hand to his broken eyes. 

“Did-did we love each other?” 

I smiled fondly at him and nodded. “More than anything.” 

Giving him one last look, I fought the urge to stay here with him, knowing that it wouldn’t be best for either of us if I did. I felt his fingers release me and I ran down the long hallway towards the other man that held my heart, the one I had been longing to see ever since I had been caught. 

“Y/N?” 

Standing on the gravel road, my hands shook as I watched Steve make his way towards me, relief clear on his face. It had been a few hours since I escaped Hydra and Soldat, making it safely to the motel. I used the phone there to call Natasha, her answering immediately almost knowing that it would be me calling. I didn’t want to call Steve, too afraid to face him with my new gift so I had Natasha come pick me up. 

On the car ride back to their hideout, she had mentioned that I was gone for eight hours but that still didn’t stop Steve from looking for me. 

“You should have seen him, Y/N. He was a man possessed looking for you.”

Given different circumstances, my heart would have soared at the news but with everything that happened, the last thing on my mind was Steve’s feelings for me. 

Natasha had also mentioned that Nick was alive and very well, him and Maria Hill faking his death to throw Hydra off his tail. They had a plan to take down Hydra and to stop Project Insight but they didn’t know what I did. 

Now, here I was standing in front of Steve, broken and afraid of what he would think of me; the new me. 

“Steve,” I breathed. 

“Where have you been?” He questioned, his steps slowing when he saw the look of fear on my face. 

“I saw him, Stevie.” I muttered. 

“Who?” He squinted his eyes. 

“Sold-erhm, Bucky. I saw Bucky.” I corrected myself. 

Steve’s shoulders tensed under his navy jacket; the one I loved so much on him.

“Did he remember me?” 

My heart broke at the hopefulness in his voice and shook my head. “They erase his mind, Steve. They make him forget. He-uh, he didn’t remember me.” 

“Sweetheart,” Steve’s own heart broke at my sobs and he tried everything to hide the jealousy. “Come here.”

“No,” I violently shook my head, tears starting to fall from my eyes. “I’ll hurt you.” 

“I’d like to see you try,” He joked but he wished he could have taken it back when he noticed the broken frown on my face. 

“Pierce, he put something in me.” 

Steve’s body and demeanor changed, anger flashing through him. 

“He gave me a gift,” My voice dripped with venom, “He said that Soldat and I are connected; that our love is going to be used for the greater good. For Project Insight.” 

“Y/N, what did he do?” 

I ignored Steve’s question, my rant fueling the new powers I was still trying to get a hold of. “He used our love for his own personal vendetta. My whole career, my life, all used to kill innocent people! They lied to him. They said that I left him because he scared me. That I was afraid of what they made him. But that’s not true,” I sputtered, the tears falling. 

Steve slowly stepped towards me as I continued to rant, not paying him any attention. 

“I loved him, Steve. Not Bucky but Soldat. He doesn’t remember me or you and it’s because of Pierce. They use him and freeze him when they’re done with him,” I revealed. 

“We’ll save him, Y/N. I promise. But we need to stop him first,” Steve promised, reaching for my hand. 

The sudden motion caused me to snatch my hands away from him with a yell. “NO! He doesn’t want to be saved!” 

My screams reverberated throughout the woods, birds flocking from the trees, the tone causing Steve to step away from me. 

“I felt his pain, Steve. What they did to him, I felt it. The pain crushing my skull into pieces,” I sobbed, sparks started to emanate from my fingertips.

My eyes landed away from Steve to a lone bush that lay pressed against the empty warehouse they were using as a hideout. Fingertips danced with the fire behind my back and I looked back into Steve’s worried gaze. 

“He didn’t want to come with me because he didn’t remember me, our love. All because of Pierce and Hydra!”

Horror dug deep into Steve’s stomach as he watched me pull my hand from behind my back, fire shooting straight to the bush, setting it a blaze in mere seconds. He blinked, allowing the confusion to rattle his brain, then looked away from the burning bush back to me. 

“My gift,” I shrugged while answering his silent thoughts. 

“Pierce did that to you?” Steve’s voice finally croaked out. 

I nodded while clasping my hands together. “I don’t know how he did it. The only thing I remember was waking up hooked to wires and tubes. It’s some type of serum.”

“Like super soldier serum?” Steve asked, closing the distance between us. 

“I don’t think so,” I shook my head. “I don’t have super strength or hearing but I do have rapid healing.” 

I motioned towards the place on my leg where the bullet wound bled hours ago. “I also have heightened senses for pain.” 

“For everyone?” Steve’s eyes looked from my leg to my eyes. 

“Just for him,” I answered truthfully.

We stood in silence, letting the news of who I was now sink in, and the knowing fear that nothing would be the same again. 

“Steve?” 

He nodded. 

“I’m terrified,” I wept. “I don’t want this.”

“Sweetheart,” Steve comforted, “We’ll figure this out; all of us.” 

I let myself fall into his arms as he wrapped them around me, pulling me into his chest. My hands that became so foreign to me pressed against the muscles in his back and they felt every groove, saving them to my memory. I cried into his chest, tears staining his shirt, as he rubbed comforting circles all over my back. 

His lips brushed against my forehead, his breath fanning my face. “We’ll save him, Y/N. I promise. But there can’t be any secrets between us anymore. You need to tell us about your past with Bucky.”

The fear of my new powers was nothing compared to the fear of letting everyone know about my time being captured by Hydra and Soldat, all those years ago. 

[yukipri]

Some thoughts on Cara

So some of you may have heard about Cara, the new platform that a lot of artists are trying out. It's been around for a while, but there's been a recent huge surge of new users, myself among them. Thought I'd type up a lil thing on my initial thoughts.

First, what is Cara?

From their About Cara page:

Cara is a social media and portfolio platform for artists. With the widespread use of generative AI, we decided to build a place that filters out generative AI images so that people who want to find authentic creatives and artwork can do so easily. Many platforms currently accept AI art when it’s not ethical, while others have promised “no AI forever” policies without consideration for the scenario where adoption of such technologies may happen at the workplace in the coming years. The future of creative industries requires nuanced understanding and support to help artists and companies connect and work together. We want to bridge the gap and build a platform that we would enjoy using as creatives ourselves. Our stance on AI: ・We do not agree with generative AI tools in their current unethical form, and we won’t host AI-generated portfolios unless the rampant ethical and data privacy issues around datasets are resolved via regulation. ・In the event that legislation is passed to clearly protect artists, we believe that AI-generated content should always be clearly labeled, because the public should always be able to search for human-made art and media easily.

Should note that Cara is independently funded, and is made by a core group of artists and engineers and is even collaborating with the Glaze project. It's very much a platform by artists, for artists!

Should also mention that in being a platform for artists, it's more a gallery first, with social media functionalities on the side. The info below will hopefully explain how that works.

Next, my actual initial thoughts using it, and things that set it apart from other platforms I've used:

1) When you post, you can choose to check the portfolio option, or to NOT check it. This is fantastic because it means I can have just my art organized in my gallery, but I can still post random stuff like photos of my cats and it won't clutter things. You can also just ramble/text post and it won't affect the gallery view!

2) You can adjust your crop preview for your images. Such a simple thing, yet so darn nice.

3) When you check that "Add to portfolio," you get a bunch of additional optional fields: Title, Field/Medium, Project Type, Category Tags, and Software Used. It's nice that you can put all this info into organized fields that don't take up text space.

4) Speaking of text, 5000 character limit is niiiiice. If you want to talk, you can.

5) Two separate feeds, a "For You" algorithmic one, and "Following." The "Following" actually appears to be full chronological timeline of just folks you follow (like Tumblr). Amazing.

6) Now usually, "For You" being set to home/default kinda pisses me off because generally I like curating my own experience, but not here, for this handy reason: if you tap the gear symbol, you can ADJUST your algorithm feed!

So you can choose what you see still!!! AMAZING. And, again, you still have your Following timeline too.

7) To repeat the stuff at the top of this post, its creation and intent as a place by artists, for artists. Hopefully you can also see from the points above that it's been designed with artists in mind.

8) No GenAI images!!!! There's a pop up that says it's not allowed, and apparently there's some sort of detector thing too. Not sure how reliable the latter is, but so far, it's just been a breath of fresh air, being able to scroll and see human art art and art!

To be clear, Cara's not perfect and is currently pretty laggy, and you can get errors while posting (so far, I've had more success on desktop than the mobile app), but that's understandable, given the small team. They'll need time to scale. For me though, it's a fair tradeoff for a platform that actually cares about artists.

Currently it also doesn't allow NSFW, not sure if that'll change given app store rules.

As mentioned above, they're independently funded, which means the team is currently paying for Cara itself. They have a kofi set up for folks who want to chip in, but it's optional. Here's the link to the tweet from one of the founders:

And a reminder that no matter that the platform itself isn't selling our data to GenAI, it can still be scraped by third parties. Protect your work with Glaze and Nightshade!

Anyway, I'm still figuring stuff out and have only been on Cara a few days, but I feel hopeful, and I think they're off to a good start.

I hope this post has been informative!

Lastly, here's my own Cara if you want to come say hi! Not sure at all if I'll be active on there, but if you're an artist like me who is keeping an eye out for hopefully nice communities, check it out!

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Just Take It | Jeon Jungkook | Alphabet

This was a request by a lovely anon so I thought I would give it a go! I've never done one of these before and I've definitely repeated myself a lot but I hope you guys enjoy it! I got the template from the anon but credit to the person who made it 💜 Warnings: This is an NSFW alphabet so it's all about sex. Simple as that lmao Series Masterlist

A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

He's very attentive. Will always offer to shower or take a bath together (maybe go for another round hehe). Always changes the sheets and makes her wear his clothes afterwards (although he prefers sleeping naked he knows that she at least want to wear a shirt to sleep). Loves to hold her as they fall asleep and buries his face into her neck, falling asleep feeling incredibly content.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)

He loves his thighs mainly because she likes riding them and he loves how pretty she looks while she does it. He's obsessed with her eyes mainly because they tell him so much and he knows almost exactly what she wants or what she's thinking just by looking at them. He of course loooovvveeesss her body but it's hard to choose a specific part because he loves to worship every part of her. 

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He loves watching it drip out of her when she lets him cum inside. Just obsessed with the fact that he's been the first and only one to ruin her like this. Whenever she gives him head he'll have her keep it in her mouth and makes her stick out her tongue before telling her to swallow and then immediately kisses her and tasting himself on her tongue. 

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

I mean it's not so much of a dirty secret now since we all already know but he's been fantasizing about her for the longest time. He hated the fact that when she was still in a relationship he just couldn't stop. Always thinking about her when he touched himself.  

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

He is very experienced and honestly an overachiever in bed. Makes sure that her pleasure comes first and always makes her cum before ever sticking it in (sometimes twice if he's being merciless hehe)  

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Loves to make her ride it. Whether that's just his thigh or his dick he just loves to watch her use him. Doesn't matter if it's through her clothes, when he's inside her or even when she's rubbing her bare cunt all along the shaft and makes a mess while it's laying on his abs, he just loves it. 

He's a sucker for missionary though. Just being able to see all of her reactions and hear all of the cute sounds she makes is addictive.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He's a mix of both but not so much goofy as he is taunting. Loves to make her shy and embarrassed and always makes her tell him what she wants. If she doesn't then he'll stop everything all together until she does. He wants her to be all pretty and innocent but then say the dirtiest things to him whenever they're alone.  

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He keeps things neat but isn't necessarily hairless all the time. He'll put in the effort to make things look the way that she wants it to but never pressures her to do anything and neither does she. Neither of them cares if it's gotten a little longer than it usually is since they both just want each other no matter what.  

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He's loves telling her how pretty, gorgeous, perfect or whatever comes to mind she is whenever they do anything. She could even just lay there and do nothing and he's already in shambles. Loves to make things about her and he loves slow but sensual sex since he feels it makes them more connected and focused on each other. Loves making love to her and this is what that feels like to him. He'll go harder or faster of course but loves savoring the feeling of her wrapped around him.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

This is something that they've spoken about before and honestly makes her feel so confident in her skin but he love jacking off to her. And I mean to her directly. He'll have her just laying there on the bed, clothed or not (whatever she and/or he prefers at the moment) and just the sight of her drives him crazy. 

He'll ask if he can take pictures of her, mainly Polaroids since the quality and aesthetic of it all seems a lot sexier to him and he can use then to jack off too when she's not there (although they're not apart very often) 

When they happen to be apart he'll want to FaceTime her late at night and just talk about anything and everything while he touches himself. Sometimes she'll know but other times she won't and she'll only figure it out when he's close to finishing and she'll coach him through it at the end sometimes and it'll drive him mad. 

Times like that he'll go absolutely feral the next time he sees her so best believe she's getting fucked asap 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

He's really interested in things like bondage and just overall restraining her.  He thinks she would look so pretty all tied up in a dragonfly harness. Completely helpless and willing to be used by him and him alone. 

He's interested in breath play as well but it's not to the point of her choking. His hand wrapped around her throat placing the slightest bit of pressure on it has been something he's been thinking about for the longest time.  

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He just loves his bedroom, well both of their bedroom soon. The fact that he can live and relive all the moments they've spent together, just going on a loop if he lets his mind wander far enough is one of the perks of doing it in there so often.

In his office however is his favorite in terms of places that are a bit riskier. In his home office specifically but on rare occasions he'll take her bent over his desk and spread out just for him. 

That tends to happen though when he's particularly stressed out and asks her to come visit him when she's free. She always knows what he wants when he asks her to come and no matter how many times it's happened there it's like the first time all over again. 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

It's hard to pinpoint one thing in particular since he's a very sexual person but the fact that the reader in this story is a virgin and hasn't done much of anything with anyone kind of sparks a different kind of hunger in him. 

He's the only one who has done these kinds of things to her so it makes him very territorial of her and he always wants to give her everything because her pleasure is his pleasure. He gets off just by watching her face contort in pleasure.  

N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)

He's willing to try anything honestly but his hard no would be anything to do with CNC. He wants her to love and trust him and he would never want to put her in the position where she would fear him or what he's doing to her. 

Since he's older he doesn't get the appeal to it and because she's inexperienced all she knows is what he's given her so it's not really something she's interested in either.

Pegging as well is something he does not want to do and neither does she lmao he just again doesn't see the appeal to it and she's totally fine with that.  

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He love giving her head and I mean loooovvveesss it! Again because she's never done something like this with anyone. Just being able to watch how much she comes undone when he eats her out is something he could do all day every day if she let him and he honestly does it as much for her pleasure as he does it for his.

He adores it when she gives him head but he doesn't see it as a requirement for every time they have sex. Does he love seeing her on her knees for him? Yes, but it's not something he cares to point out.  

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Slow and sensual is the way he tends to start things. He loves making love to her. Of course he gives her exactly what she asks for so if she wants it faster or harder he'll change his pace but he just wants to be inside her and feel her clenching around him and moaning his name. He's never in a hurry to reach that high he just loves it when he can be that close to her. 

(kind of said this already but hey it's the truth haha)

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

They do quickies for sure. For instance if their baby is taking a nap and one of them is particularly horny they'll do it really quick just to get that release and also spend some time together in general since it's hard for them to squeeze in time to bond like that because the baby needs their full attention for a good amount of time during the day and night.

Not saying they do it every nap time but it's pretty common...

Before kids though it wasn't a super common thing since he likes to take his time with her. Doesn't mean he's opposed to it and if the moment is right then it's right. 

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He loves to experiment with her because although he's experienced, being with her feels like he's discovering everything all over again. He wants to figure out where her limits are and find more and more ways to bring the both of them pleasure.

Whenever she brings up something new that she'd like to try he immediately drops everything (unless he's taking care of their child lmao) and throws her over his shoulder and takes her to the bedroom or wherever the situation might require them to be.  

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He can go round after round after round if she'll let him. He wants to learn her body and makes sure that she's okay before trying to go again. (Doesn't mean that he doesn't like watching her cry and beg because he definitely does) 

He wants to be gentle with her but eventually train her body to work with him since he knows she can take more and wants to since they've spoken about it so he's always ready to push her just a little bit further if she'll let him  

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He doesn't own toys nor does he use them on himself but after they're finally together they'll for sure go buy some together even if oc was freaking out and embarrassed the entire time. The toys they get are pretty much ones that they'll exclusively use on her but again if she wants to get something a bit riskier in his eyes he's not gonna say no to at least trying it out once.

He's done some online shopping for them as well and he likes to surprise her with them but he's only done it a few times. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He looooooovvvveeee to tease. Like any opportunity that arises he will use it to tease her. Doesn't matter if it's day or night, if they're outside or at home, he will tease her to the nth degree because he knows she reacts to everything he does so easily. It's hard for her not to and he knows that and takes advantage of it.  

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He's definitely the type to growl in her ear and tell her how good she's being for him, taking him so well. He isn't afraid to be loud but would prefer to hear her over anything. He likes talking her through things and praising her and encouraging her to be louder. 

When she's giving him head though he's constantly cursing and can hardly contain himself when he looks down at her and she's giving him those innocent doe eyes, with tears streaming down her face. Constantly praising as well, he just loves to show her how good she's making him feel, so much so that the pleasure gets overwhelming and he can't hold back his moans.   

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He's really into pregnancy sex. Like to the point of where he goes to every doctor's appointment and asks if it's still safe for them to continue having sex. He just goes feral thinking about the fact that she's the mother of his children and is doing an amazing job keeping them and herself safe and healthy. 

He's constantly complimenting her and her body and emphasizes how gorgeous she looks while she's pregnant because he knows that she can get a little insecure about it but he just genuinely can't keep his hands off of her. 

Maybe it's a primal thing but he never questions it and neither does she hehe  

X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

Oof let's just say he has enough going on down there to leave her sore for days if he’s not careful.

Not saying he would force it in but he's definitely big and he knows how to use it. It always fits but he has to make sure to prep her every time no matter how much she begs for it but then again he loves making her beg so it's something he enjoys doing anyway. 

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

High high high

If he could live inside of her he would. He literally can fuck her seven days a week and not even flinch like he's down for her day and night (as he should) and he's not afraid to show it. 

Constantly whispering to her how much he wishes he could take her on top of that table in front of every one when they're out. He just loves to rile her up and watch as her pupils get blown out and makes sure she's begging for him to fuck her as soon as they get home.    

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

With the way they go at it after it's all said and done and they've cleaned up and changed the sheets he'll usually pass out unless she wants to talk and even then he kinda fades fast which oc finds adorable. There aren't many instances where she sees him as being adorable but when he gets sleepy after sex is for sure one of those moments. 

Start Series from the beginning

Join my Taglist!

Feel free to fill out the form or just comment on any of my fics to be added :)

[spockandawe]

Oh, this is interesting. To me. I'm not sure it's interesting to anyone else! But I'm on my computer for once and FULL of words again, and I'm delighted to talk to myself given half an excuse.

So, I made a post about Long Live Evil! Because I cracked open the book and was absolutely taken aback by how transparently it seemed to be an SVSSS reskin. I wrote up a goodreads thing (it's whatever, I'm going to rehash the main points here too), because I was also full of words and beans after finishing the book yesterday, and after polling online friends, I was surprised to see that the comparison didn't seem to have organically occurred to anyone else, when it was so naked to me. I know there’s a TON of transmigration and isekai stories out in the universe, and pointing at one single book was a big claim, so I just had to assemble all my thoughts! I find this so interesting! And I reblogged my initial one-off post with a little more elaboration about some of the things that jumped out at me, then got on with live and went back to chipping at ORV and GHG, and shotgunned MADK this afternoon.

This is a subtle nod and a wink to my passionate love for these kind of... morally grey main characters! Calling them villains might be a bit much, I don't think there are many true villain protagonists out there (LLE included), and even Devil Venerable has a demonic cultivator who's doing demonic shit and killing loads of people... but with the ultimate balance of the heavens and earth as his priority. This kind of story is my jam. I was recced this book on the basis of transmigration and sketchy protagonists being my thing. I can't rightfully call SVSSS the best cnovel I've ever read, but it is my favorite. And I've probably reread it more times than any other cnovel.

So, that SRB post, huh? I put Long Live Evil behind me, and honestly even following up on the sequel is mmmmmdoubtful, but THIS snagged my attention again. First, the comparisons she's calling out as incorrect are wild to me. Draco and Harry? What? Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian?? (I had to ponder that one for a hot minute, but I bet you anything it's about 'the golden cobra' and 'the last hope' and that's just silly, they're not wangxian, they're MOSHANG)

I was recced LLE in one friend group, but I had an anti-rec from my book club friend group. My book club friend hadn't been at all impressed by it! And she's cool, and I talk up svsss and mxtx to that crowd every so often, without really expecting them to read it. I talk about transmigration as a plot device that I love, and the things that can be done with it! But with that connection in mind between the books, as I started LLE, I was jokingly defending the honor of SVSSS to this crowd, so I admit I was primed to recognize similarities.

I really truly did not make it far in the book before locking it down. I was getting vibes basically from the moment Rae started gushing about her problematic fictional fave, I referenced 95% certainty shortly after she makes the jump to the fictional universe, the golden cobra was 98%, Lia Mingyan's, I mean Liu Mingyan's lack of sex scenes was 99%, and the first pov section for Marius-jun was where I gave up and called it as a sure thing.

It'll be very funny if I'm wrong! I don't think I'm wrong.

Plenty of spoilers to follow, because I identified this inspiration early, I guessed basically every plot twist early, I don't have the patience to dance around spoilers while explaining how it all lines up.

Now, I said this elsewhere, but it bears repeating: I don't think this is plagiarism. I think it's tasteless to accuse an author of stealing and repurposing characters to her face. But I think it's also tasteless to repurpose characters as nakedly as happened here! Again? If I'm wrong? That's why I'm talking to myself on my blog and not messaging her directly (?????? who even does that). What are the stakes for me being wrong here? I look like a clown online? That would be terrible, I've never done that before! It's not a crime to write in ways I find distasteful. It's not a crime to write a book I think is not good, even apart from the use of fictional influences. But I like talking about my feelings online, and I can't be stopped!

But there's two aspects of this that make me somewhat uncomfortable in a less fun way. Both are contingent on the big IF. If this is inspired by svsss, I think it's not a classy move to take a Chinese story in a Chinese setting, inspired by the modern Chinese literary scene and classical Chinese fantasy, and just dump the characters into a generic western setting. Fanfic? Have fun and try to be respectful. Profic, making money off it? Ehhhhh. The question of how much change is necessary is a tricky one! It's not one I'm equipped to answer, this is not my wheelhouse or my place to speak. But it doesn't make me feel good!

However, here's where I have more personal stake:

Again, if this is inspired by svsss. It really doesn't feel great to see a queer story (a smash hit in more than one country!) stripped down for parts and made into a heterosexual story. It's not all heterosexual, we get side lesbians, we get men with homoerotic tension. But the central ship is now a guy and a girl. And it... stings a little extra, because in the story of svsss, the idea of assumptions about default (hetero)sexuality are such a central theme. A queer man has written a trashy, oversexed stallion novel where the hottest guy in the universe collects the hottest women like pokemon, and it sells so much better than the more personal stories he tried to write. He has to write this pandering trash to make money to live, he can't live on the more authentic stories he tried to tell before. The protagonist is the projection of his own insecurities and self-hate, and the protagonist's right hand man is his projection of his own ideal man. Another man transmigrates into the book, assuming that he himself is straight, assuming the protagonist is straight, and the force of their love changes the course of the entire narrative. In retrospect, it's upsetting to see those load-bearing themes casually carved out of the story and the hollowed-out remains used like this.

Anyways, in their place, now we've got running gags about how the heroine's tits are BIGHUGE now and she can't keep her balance because her GIANT HONKERS keep tipping her over.

I'm a little more bothered than I was yesterday! On the other hand, since I saw SRB's post, I've been chewing on that central ship. Full disclosure, it was one of my favorite aspects of the novel! My other favorite aspect is the dynamic between the golden cobra and the last hope (the moshang, which I think some people misdiagnosed as wangxian).

I know that the central ship here is the thing that's LEAST comparable to svsss, and the biggest roadblock in the way of my theory. On the other hand, I think it was the thing that HAD to change if this story was going to repurpose svsss without getting called out for being a classic 'bro can i copy your homework' adventure.

For this section, let's assume that I'm right and let's roleplay an author trying to figure out how to change Bingqiu into something not-obviously-Bingqiu. How do we need to differentiate Rae and Key from Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe.

First, we eliminate the martial sect thing. Easy peasy! That's a wuxia concept, and this book goes full nondescript western fantasy. She's not his teacher, he's not her student. And if she's not his teacher and he's not her student, why does this woman have power over this man, to build up the resentment that inspires him to turn the tables on her later? Well, in nondescript western fantasy, she's a noblewoman of some kind, and he's a servant of some kind. Noble lady treats servant like garbage, servant resents her. Doing great.

And to loop back around to the beginning of this a little, I think it really is key to this reskinning that Rae is a SHE. If the central ship remained queer, it would be so, so hard to pull away from the most identifiable thematic aspects of svsss. And pieces of what remain are... kind of bizarre for a normie heterosexual ship where our protagonist is aware that she's transmigrated into an impossibly desirable sexpot character!

Shen Qingqiu never considers that Luo Binghe might be interested in him because Luo Binghe is about to have a HAREM of beautiful women, he's the most heterosexual man of all time, and Shen Qingqiu is straight too! Besides, Shen Qingqiu is his teacher! He half-raised Luo Binghe! Even if Luo Binghe was bent, he wouldn't be interested in an old man like Shen Qingqiu!

Rae is 20, occupying a 24-year-old body. Her character's sexiness is relentlessly remarked upon from start to finish. Key is 18. Why is Rae so sure that he looks up to her as... a mentor, as an older woman? He almost goes down on her! He makes out with her! And she's like 'ah yes, it means nothing. lol. so funny how these things happen.' Bruh, at least after Luo Binghe kissed Shen Qingqiu, Shen Qingqiu finally got hit with the clue stick. Binghe didn't try to blow him only for Shen Qingqiu to keep noodling on about how Binghe definitely isn't into him in any sense, even the most oblivious man in the universe managed to catch on.

Why doesn’t Rae think there’s any chance of genuine attraction here? Yeah, I get that she's coming back from terminal cancer. She's doing great. She knows that the fictional character she occupies is one of the most desirable ladies in the land. He’s a teenager. He’s not expressing disinterest. A lack of horny for sexy lady ought to be more surprising for her. But I guess she’s slightly older than him and that small age gap has been magnified by the transmigration, so she conceptualizes herself only as his teacher, I mean mentor.

I’m not even mad at this dynamic. I love their chemistry, the ‘boss’ thing is cute, but lordt, I have to wonder if it’s meant to substitute for ‘shizun.’ But you know where this comparison really falls apart? Key isn’t really THAT much Luo Binghe.

At least, he isn’t in terms of personality. I mean, we’ve got the mysterious magical heritage, the healing factor, the unbeatable fighting skills, being beaten repeatedly because of the protagonist (tbh it’s sexier when she’s responsible, rather than just being a bystander), being yeeted into the abyss, I mean the ravine, to rise again and assume power as the merciless ruler of all the land. Oh, and he comes back from the dead still bearing the scar that represents her betrayal. In the original novel, he turned on her the moment he got his opening and was responsible for coming up with her gruesome torment.

(Also, Shen Qingqiu being terminally ill isn’t canon, but it’s very popular fanon, and it’s hard to ignore that with how hard the narrative lingers over Rae’s terminal illness as her gateway into this fictional world)

But! But the things that are different! Luo Binghe is a smart and sweet teenager, who had a rough start on the streets and has a tragically deceased single adoptive parent, but that’s their only backstory parallel, he doesn’t blacken until he’s thrown into the abyss. Not like Key, Key is a murder-happy sociopath, a former street kid who fought the odds and made good, and who’s a lot sharper and cleverer than the upper classes think someone like him should be. He utterly destroyed a righteous cultivator clan, I mean glassblowing guild, for the sake of revenge. Once our heroine scores a number of trust points with him, we unlock secret backstory about how as a small child, he experienced deeply formative hand trauma.

He’s Xue Yang.

It took me a moment to process the wangxian allegations SRB mentions in her post, because I was trying to figure out how someone would be aware of wangxian, and read that backstory, and somehow miss it. But it’s fine, I’m pretty sure they were actually talking about the golden cobra and the last hope! So LET’S TALK MOSHANG.

It was so funny. I was liveblogging the book to friends, because honestly, I do not jive with the buffy-esque joss whedon relentless quip-quip-quip writing style. I was struggling to stay engaged when the narrative never took a moment to breathe. And I perked up at the introduction of this new character! He seemed kind of fun, kind of meta, Key came over to share Secret Info with him, and I messaged the friend who recced this to me (also an svsss appreciator) ‘lol, what if he’s shang qinghua. just straight from svsss shang qinghua.'

Reader, a second transmigrator has hit the narrative.

Now, in some ways, he’s a disappointment to me. He’s not nearly as interesting as Shang Qinghua. Adding the author to their own narrative is way more fascinating to me than just dropping a rando into the story. But I’ll take what I can get, I think multiple transmigrators are almost always a fun decision. And for the queer reasons I mentioned above, I think Shang Qinghua ties into the themes of his novel a lot more strongly than Eric does here. I don’t want to call him ‘the golden cobra’ every time, I get more self-conscious every time I write it. And honestly, the reveal of Eric’s full Eric Whatever name feels a little awkward and… pointed compared to the sheer opacity of Shang Qinghua’s existence. Never mind what his name was in the real world, we don’t even know his name before he was a Peak Lord. I’m not upset we got a name or anything, it would make certain fannish activities a lot easier if Shang Qinghua had additional canon names, but it was an interesting detail in light of how parallel the characters are.

Okay! He’s not the author! He’s still a super-fan. He transmigrated into the book years before the LLE main character, and has settled in pretty well. According to canon as Rae knows it, he’s fated to be killed by his own favorite character. He’s fast-thinking and fast-talking, and scattered and all over the place, but dangerous when cornered and more competent than he looks. He deals in information and manages a network of spies. He’s a creative! He and the main character banter relentlessly and get along like a house on fire. He and the king’s trusted ice-cold right hand man share a weird codependent dynamic that’s part hostile, part homoerotic.

Marius has complicated feelings about not-shang-qinghua. Eric is a coward, he’d rather talk fast and lie than stand up for anything, he cowers and cringes and isn’t honorable. He and Mobei-jun also shared a deeply formative experience in their youth, where as a teenager in distress, Eric/Shang Qinghua appeared before them and announced their devotion. In Shang Qinghua’s case, it was offering to serve him (and saving him from huan hua injuries), and in Eric’s case, it was declaring him to be his favorite character (and saving him from sad teenaged isolation), but man. And in the end, after a long, fraught relationship, Marius/Mobei-jun is furious and strangely distraught when Eric/Shang Qinghua abandons him.

Guys, it’s not wangxian.

I think it hits less hard when Marius’s themes of family violence aren’t allowed to sit directly in the narrative, and when it seems like some vague berserker rage thing rather than Linguang-jun just bluntly wanting to murder him for practical reasons, but hey! This was still, genuinely, one of my favorite parts of the story. I wanted more more more of them, I would read this moshang au any day.

After that, the parallels get a little more nebulous! The comparisons between the abyss and the ravine are pretty obvious. I’m not sure why we decided to build our city and palace right on top of the pit of people-eating ghouls rather than literally anywhere else, but it means we don’t need to take a special field trip to Jue Di Gorge, which means we can do the bait and switch where it turns out Key was a heavenly demon all along. The temperamental King Octavian, the young master of the palace, one might even say the xiao gongzhu if they were feeling spicy, jealously tries to romantically monopolize half our main ship and has the other half flogged with a magic whip.

I already mentioned that Rae brings up that Liu Mingyan — wait, I said I’d change some answers so it wasn’t obvious I copied — Lia doesn’t get a sex scene in the books even though loads of other people did, just like Shen Qingqiu praises Liu Mingyan for her untouchable image in such an oversexed, gratuitous book. I don’t think it would be right to call Liu Mingyan a white lotus heroine in either SVSSS or PIDW, but her archetype is in that wheelhouse, and Lia is just a white lotus rival played straight (and played deliberately, another touch I liked). We don’t have made up animals like black moon rhinoceros pythons in LLE, but we do have leucrotas, which are like a lion and a hyena and serve no narrative purpose.

Oh, you know what else I forgot to mention? Rae gives Key one of her red ruby earrings, and he refuses to sell it, and stubbornly holds onto it until the bitter end. Is this Xue Yang holding onto the last piece of candy Xiao Xingchen gave him, or is it Hua Cheng determinedly keeping Xie Lian’s red coral earring with him even through his own death? Por que no los dos?

There are things that are original in here. I know that this presentation undersells how much of the book is original. The trouble is, almost everything I thought was good is something that either was lifted from another person’s creative endeavors, or is being tainted by association with all the other naked lifts. Some of the noble ladies have an archery contest! That’s pretty new and fresh, huh? We didn’t have any archery contests in SVSSS!

Yeah, but we sure did in MDZS. And MDZS is already in play, because we’ve already got one character who’s just copy and paste Xue Yang.

There’s a thermocline of trust in this book that fell off for me sharply, and it turned a lot of this into a guessing game of ‘wait NOW what the refrance? owo'

I’m probably on a hair trigger by now, but I’ve also probably missed some things. And I’m sure this is a synthesis of multiple influences, because most stories are. But this feels like cooking and trying to season your dish with a little salt and then the container lid just falls off.

Emer isn’t a clear parallel to an existing character! Love that for her! Love a lady with an axe, especially if she gets a nice girlfriend! On the other hand, in terms of backstory? Wow, she’s been raised with our protagonist since early childhood, as not-quite-foster-siblings, but she was always the clear unfavorite and harbors a lot of resentment over that. Oh, and once Rae entered the story, Rae started trying to speedrun an enemies to 'hello hiiii we should bestiessss' arc with her. I think she had to have an axe, because a whip or a sword would make the Jiang Cheng and/or Liu Qingge vibes a little uncomfortably strong. She doesn’t follow their character arcs! But the disappointing thing is that it felt like she was just there to facilitate pasting the frankenstein patchwork of the narrative together rather than having an arc of her own.

(why did Marius stop to give her a sword lesson? Why did she immediately sneak onto the roof to eavesdrop on the king?? It’s hard to give her credit for being an original character when none of her original actions make sense in the greater universe)

Oh, I almost forgot, we’ve even got magic plot macguffin plants. While Binghe is in the abyss, Shen Qingqiu needs to get the Sun And Moon Dew Flower Seed so he can build an escape hatch for himself before Binghe wrecks his shit. Rae, on the other hand, needs to secure the Flower of Life and Death by an arbitrary deadline as an escape hatch so she can go back to her original life rather than being trapped here forever. Very different! There’s even little side tangents about how these plants can be so beneficial to others, Zhuzhi-lang is desperately trying to secure a seed to build a new body for Tianlang-jun (which Shen Qingqiu enables him to do, despite not knowing what he wants it for), and Rae thinks about how the flower could “save someone on the very doorstep of death,” and gives it away for that exact purpose. So different!

I need to cut myself off, otherwise I’ll keep going. Truly, there is original content in here. It was just all the stuff I didn’t like. The character quipping was. God. There sure was a lot of it! By sheer volume, that’s a lot of original content. Some of the extended cast was interesting, I enjoyed the Horrors and their brothers, I liked Valencia. Now, I didn’t like how basically every girl ADULT WOMAN in this cast was in shitty teen mean girl mode. I didn’t like how immature every character interaction period was. I lost track of how many times Rae was going around in sexy clothes and rando servants were like “HARLOT,” out loud about a favored noblewoman, you know, as you do. Especially when her bodyguard is pulling against his choke chain just waiting for an excuse to do a murder. I don’t need Rae to be the picture of flawless maturity. But nobody is mature, full stop, not even the set dressing servants.

For a less loaded example, the cumplane friendship dynamic is here, practically intact. Shen Qingqiu can't snipe about authorial choices, because Eric isn't the author, so instead Rae and Eric squabble about favorite scenes and favorite ships and such. But it isn't nearly as charming when we don't see these two characters dropping their dignified Peak Lord cultivator roleplay to talk shit with each other. Rae and Eric never have a filter once in this book. They are always Like This, it isn't a secret face that gets unlocked when they're bouncing off each other, they are never circumspect, never have a filter, never have any idea they shouldn't be speaking their full thoughts at full volume 24/7. Even after this starts to have material consequences when they're inevitably overheard! It's an immersion-breaking level of immaturity, which is terribly frustrating when the original dynamic that I loved is only changed in such minor ways.

And another thing that actually tastes way more sour than it did on first reading – Valencia is probably the least mean girl of all the women in the cast. She’s delightful. Too bad that in every scene but her last one, Rae, who repeatedly references her own experiences having her body and appearance ravaged by cancer, cannot for love or money stop talking about how uggo Valencia is.

I know this is an adult novel. The characters are, by age, adults. There’s almost an oral scene. God, I wish we’d gotten the oral scene. But by every other metric, the characters are all high schoolers and I’m an exhausted adult muttering to myself ‘they’ll grow out of it, please GOD let them grow out of it.’

Again, none of this is a crime! Nobody forced me to finish the book! And I did enjoy the book. Parts of it! But that very distinct partial enjoyment experience almost forced me to dissect my own emotional response. And truly, other than a few flashes like Valencia, almost everything I enjoyed about the book was something I could trace directly back to one author, and mostly to one book by that one author. I… enjoyed half of the book. And if I can track most of that half back to mxtx and svsss, I really think that says something about how much wasn’t done to make the inspiration behind this book the author’s own.

It's disappointing! I read this book because I like svsss, I read it because I want more books like svsss, I read it because I trawl the novelupdates tags looking for more books that will hit me the way svsss did. It doesn’t taste good to be served reheated svsss with expired buffy sauce drizzled on top. It tastes even less good once I have a minute to think about what turning an m/m meditation on sexuality and self-image and assumptions about others into a m/f snooze does to the themes I loved so much. It stings to see an author rehash a book that was/is so important to me, and see what they kept and what they threw out, and be like ‘oh, so… these were the elements that mattered to you?’

Again, I hate to be redundant with this, but. I think calling this book plagiarism would be overdoing it. I think it’s tasteless. I don’t think being tasteless is a crime. It remains wild to me that she’s getting messages calling out her supposed inspiration, even if I’m simultaneously criticizing the judgment of the people making those specific comparisons. And I ABSOLUTELY understand why she’s reluctant to own up to the specific inspirations behind this book, because good lord. If it was me, I’d be professionally embarrassed too.

It’s not my job to be the book quality police, but I think someone as experienced as this should be able to do a better job of synthesizing inspirations into something original. I dropped ‘can’t afford to offend my scheming disciple’ earlier this year, because that narrative couldn’t shake the taste of stale svsss fanfic, and it was much more subtle than this is. Once again, if I’m wrong, this post will be retroactively VERY funny and I’ll be all ears to see what her inspirations actually were. I don’t think I’m wrong.