#concept of being wanted so much and wanting someone so bad. thought he’d hurt rai … so the caretaker who drilled it in narumi’s head that

[narurais]

whoops your teenage crush and also boyfriend now that ur adults is on the verge of death nothing more romantic than saying you’ll kill him if he even thinks about dying on the battlefield

+1 to narumi for once again leaving rai behind but this time maybe forever

[littleoddwriter]

Slashers x GN!Reader with BPD | Headcanons

This is purely for my own comfort, so, yeah - that obviously means that I have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). This only focuses on a few specific symptoms I struggle with, since I needed comfort for those in particular, at the moment.

notes; GenderNeutral!Reader; Intense Fear of Abandonment/Abandonment Issues; Splitting; Favourite Person (FP); Trauma; Self-Harm; Intense Mood Swings; Routines; Hurt/Comfort; Unintentionally Lashing Out on Others; Unstable Relationships (at times, but only on the Reader’s end); Impulsive and Self-Destructive Behaviour.

Characters: Asa Emory/The Collector; Charles Lee Ray/Chucky (Human); Chop Top Sawyer; Jesse Cromeans/Chromsekull; Lester Sinclair; William Easton (not a Slasher, but part of the SAW Franchise, so-).

Asa Emory/The Collector

He became your Favourite Person all too quickly – you couldn’t bear it when he wasn’t with you, when he wouldn’t reply to your texts, or return your calls, and when you didn’t know what he was up to

You split on him a lot in the beginning, and eventually you had reached your breaking point and told him how you felt and how scared you were and if he didn’t actually want you, he should just say so

Surprisingly, Asa ended up reaching a compromise with you, so that he would always text you once an hour, no matter what, to tell you that he was alright and what he was doing – He didn’t mind and was in fact the one to offer this strategy after you weren’t sure what to suggest, as you didn’t want to corner him

It works out well for you two, unless something comes up and he can’t text you – and as the hours stretch, you start spiralling again, having panic attacks, splitting on him, and/or harming yourself

When he comes home on such nights, he takes care of you, comforts you to the best of his abilities and apologises for not letting you know that something had happened earlier

At times that you already wake up in a mood, he would just take you with him to work, or his ‘hobby’ to keep an eye on you and assure you that he doesn’t mind, and that he’s here for you

He never judges you for hurting yourself either – he’ll just nurse your wounds and kiss them better

Charles Lee Ray/Chucky

At first he doesn’t take it all too seriously, although he does educate himself and lets you elaborate on your individual symptoms and struggles – he just has trouble being empathic and sympathetic about it

Still, whenever necessary, he’s here for you and he’ll hold you close as you cry, scream or go on about whatever set you off (he might even avenge you if someone was an asshole to you/triggered you/etc.)

He doesn’t mind your self-destructive and/or impulsive behaviours – he knows it’s not on purpose and he really isn’t one to talk after all in terms of impulsiveness at least

Being your FP might have caused some problems at first, since he doesn’t understand why you can’t just trust his word that he isn’t going to drop you one second to the other; but he eventually comes around and you two work on strategies to prevent you from spiralling too much when he’s not in reach

After a while, he starts being possessive of you anyway, and that’s when it really stops being a problem – he makes sure you know that he loves you and that you’re his

Chop Top Sawyer

No thanks to having been involved in Vietnam, he has his fair share of traumas and flashbacks as well, so that’s something he is better at comforting and helping you out with than anyone else – you both do

Since he doesn’t actually work anymore, he’s always at home with you when you’re there – he’s happy to not leave your side for long at times, and he’s even happier to have lengthy phone calls with you when you are apart

He may not be the best with words and displays of affection, but he does his best to assure you anyway, especially when you desperately need it

Self-harm is nothing shameful to him at all; and just like the others, he’ll only make sure you’re okay and your wounds will heal the way they’re supposed to

In a strange way, he actually enjoys being your FP – probably because he’s not used to this kind of attention and actually being needed by another person (apart from Nubbins, back when they were kids)

He even takes your intense mood swings in stride – mostly because he is sometimes a little oblivious to it anyway, but also because he knows you never mean it when you’re being distant or snippy

If you ever have an episode in his presence, he’ll comfort you as best as he can, if you let him close, and reassures you that it’s okay and that you’re safe with him (you’re special after all) – it usually works surprisingly well and it’s nice to be able to ride out your emotions and not be completely on your own in the process

Jesse Cromeans/Chromeskull

If you didn’t already have a therapist, he’d make sure you have one by the end of the week, after you’ve told him about your diagnosis and constant struggles because of it

Puts in a lot of effort into researching it in addition to what you’ve told him about your individual problems

When you tell him that he’s your FP, he takes it well enough – it doesn’t make him feel pressured, since he only sees it as a benefit to know it, because he can actively help to make it easier on you

So when he is out to work, he’ll text you regularly, send you photos, tells you what he’s doing, that he misses you, that he loves you, that he can’t wait to come back home to you, etc. and it soothes you a lot

He comforts you whenever needed and just showers you in kisses while you lie on top of him as he holds you close

If you hurt yourself and let him know, or he sees it, he never holds it against you and instead makes sure your wounds heal properly and that you know he is here for you if the urge comes back to help you resist it – he will also take good care of injuries that are worse

Whenever you are triggered by anything or suddenly started to feel bad or are having flashbacks, he is here for you – be that physically or not, depending on it, he’ll gladly puts everything on the back-burner to help you out, text back and forth with you until it’s passed/you feel a little better/more stable

Essentially you’re never alone with your struggles again; he takes such great care of you and accommodates you as well as he can to make life easier for you, and you couldn’t be more grateful

Lester Sinclair

When you tell him what’s going on with you, after he’s asked you about the very sudden mood swings you’ve displayed and he wanted to make sure you’re okay – he was confused and admittedly very uneducated on all the possible mental disorders that exist (you can’t blame him, though)

So you spend quite some time on telling him how BPD affects you personally and what he could do to help make it easier on you, especially since relationships are such a difficult thing for you

He grasps the basics very quickly and he rarely leaves you alone, unless you want to be by yourself or he can’t take you with him on some drives

Of course he’s concerned when you harm yourself, but he doesn’t make you feel bad about it – he understands that you can’t just turn it off and not do it – and he usually gets Vincent to take care of your wounds if they need better medical attention than your own, since he’s good and practised at it

Sometimes you might lash out at him – especially when you split on him, or you’re already irritated in general – and while he never blames you for it or holds it against you, it takes him aback a little every time (being used to such things from Bo helps him handle it better, though)

But it’s easy for you two to reassure each other of your love and make sure nobody’s feelings are ever seriously hurt – so despite all that, you share a good, fulfilling and healthy relationship

William Easton

Due to working with health insurances, he knows a lot about every possible illness – not just physical ones, so he was already familiar with the concept of BPD, which came as a relief when you told him

He takes it in stride every day – your mood swings are exhausting to yourself and while they can be tiring for him as well, he never lets on, since he is more determined to be here for you and help you through the worse ones

Since he’ll often stay in the office after hours to work some more, you two phone a lot whenever possible, or he sends you little texts to assure you of his presence and the fact that he is not going to suddenly bail on you

Still, no thanks to the stress his work puts on him, he unintentionally has an exasperated tone with you every now and again, which may cause you to spiral and split on him, but it usually turns out to be alright later – it’s just exhausting for you both

Whenever you engage in self harming behaviours, he comforts you and helps you out – he supports you throughout and keeps encouraging you; he can only guess how hard it must be to resist all these urges and try to ignore your intrusive thoughts

Whenever possible, he’ll buy you gifts to remind you of his love and presence – it’s always unexpected, which is the whole point, since he’s learned that those kinds of presents work far better to reassure you

[jawabear]

Din Djarin NSFW Alphabet

Not my GIF

A/N: Thank you for all the support on my last fic! it really didn’t deserve all those notes though.. But nonetheless, here is my NSFW alphabet for everyone's favourite Mandalorian (okay, maybe not everyone, but certainly mine). As with my other ones, my ideas and opinions may differ to yours and others so please be respectful of mine and others’ views of different characters. Enjoy. Sorry for any mistakes. Stay safe.

Genre: smut

Warnings: fem!reader, mentions of sexual activities, no actual sex though, Pedro Pascal comes with his own warning 

Summary: An A-Z of Din Djarin’s bedroom antics...

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Din is a little awkward to begin with. He doesn’t really know what to do after sex. It’s usually you who ends up taking care of him after sex. But as time goes on and you end up having sex more often, he gets a little more comfortable.

And from this he will make sure you’re okay, not hurt or anything. He will ask if you need anything, if you’re thirsty or hungry. And then he will hold you until you fall asleep because he’s cute like that.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

On him, he’s not really bothered. He hadn’t every really thought about himself in that regard. And plus being covered in armour doesn’t really aid him in his decision making. But if he had to choose, he’d probably say his hands. They’re useful for many things. Fighting, shooting, fixing, flying and fingering...

On you, because he’s a soft little boy, he’d go with your eyes. He is a strong believer in the concept of the eyes being the window to the soul. And with you that is very much the case. He loves to look into your eyes, he’ll get lost in them in seconds. But more sexual the loves your legs. Especially your thighs. He loves to stroke them and squeeze them. And he loves when they press against his head as he eats you out....

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

When he does come it’s quite an overwhelming amount to be honest. He doesn’t really like to come inside you (unless you specifically say) because there is a lot and always the chance of pregnancy and neither he nor you feel ready for that. Plus he feels like he’s dirtying you and he doesn’t want to ruin your perfect body.

But, he will do what you say. So, if you want him to come inside you, over you, whatever, he will.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Saying that though ^^ It’s fair to say that Din has a slight breeding kink. Slight being huge. It more to do with the fact that he does what to have a child with you. But also he would find it hot to fill you up completely.

He obviously hasn’t said anything but it’s hard to keep his thoughts at bay when you’re begging him to come inside you and you’re wrapping you legs around his waist to pull him closer to you...

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Din isn’t all that experience. He’s never really cared much about sex before he met you. He had done it once or twice in his life but he didn’t really care much for it, he didn’t really have the time. He was far to preoccupied with his bounty hunting work to find a suitable partner. So it was kind of down to you to teach him. But you didn’t really mind.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

He loves the classic missionary position. It’s easy and enjoyable.

But he is also a huge fan of you being on top, riding him. He loves to have you take control. And it gives him a better opportunity to feel your body.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Certainly more serious. I don’t think Din is a very jokey person in or out of the bedroom. Sometimes you will try and make it a bit lighter but it doesn’t really work. Not that that’s a problem...

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Being covered head to toe in armour means that Din doesn’t really need to bother with his appearance both upstairs and down. So he’s not particularly tidy. But as you haven’t voice any complaints (quite the opposite actually) he hasn’t bothered to tidy himself up down there.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Din goes full romantic in bed. He will touch and feel every part of your body. He will caress and kiss every inch of your skin. He will make love to you. Because he has someone who loves him.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Personally, I don’t think he gets the same satisfaction from touching himself then he would from fucking you.

There are a few occasions in which he has got himself off to the thought of you. But I think he would only do it as a last resort.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

He had a hidden (but massive) breeding kink as mentioned.

I don’t know if the blindfold thing really counts as one because he does it so you can’t see his face while he fucks you but if it counts then this is a big one.

Also biting. Din is quite possessive and wants to mark you as much as he possibly can so that everyone know you belong to the Mandalorian. Plus it helps in muffling his moans, one) so he can hear yours better, and 2) he gets a little shy and embarrassed at hearing his own...

Does dry-humping count? Because that too. A big one. Just something about it really gets him going, plus it saves him having to faff with getting all his armour off.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Inside somewhere he knows and trusts. So mainly his ship, in his bed.

Although, there is the rare occasion he will take you in the cockpit. He will sit in the pilots chair and you will ride him. That’s about the only other exception to his bed.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

To be honest, I think it would take quite a lot to get Din going. Being a little sexually naive, I think you’d have to really go out of your way to turn him on. Meaning therefore that it is mostly you who initiates sex.

But there is the odd occasion that he will suddenly be in the mood for it. And then he doesn’t really hold back...

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

I don’t think there’s a lot that he would do. At least in the early stages. He very much stuck to the basics because he found it enjoyable and he didn’t really need anything else. But when you started...let’s just say you were getting a little bored, you tried to coax him into branching out in his sexual preferences.

He would never hurt you. That was for certain. He doesn’t find tying you up to be all that appealing either, but if you really wanted him to do it he wouldn’t say no, he just perhaps wouldn’t enjoy it as much. He relates it too much to bounty hunting and he doesn’t think that’s a good mix, but you disagree.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He definitely prefers giving. Out of everything he’s done to you sexual, eating you out and fingering you has to be what he’s best at. Especially oral.

But he wouldn’t ever say no if you wanted to suck him off...in his pilots chair... because no one in their right mind would turn it down.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

It really depends on his mood. Although, saying that, he doesn’t often take his bad mood out on you. It’s on those days (where a bounty has been particularly hard or frustrating) that he will be the one to initiate sex. And you certainly don’t complain. And it is also on those days where he is a little more rough and fast.

But most of the time he likes to take it slow. It is something he enjoys and something he wants to take his time in doing.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He isn’t a fan. He doesn’t find them enjoyable as much as he would taking his time.

They have happens a few times, but by accident. As in you were taking it slow but something would come up, beeping and blaring of alarms would start and he would have to go quick to finish because he didn’t want to just stop.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He probably would be once you both started to get a bit more comfortable and adventurous. It’s still a learning process for Din so it’s a gradual thing but he’s all about making you happy and fulfilled so he will try most things you suggest whether they be risky or not.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Din is a tiered man. Let him rest. Chances are he can really only go one round, but he knows this and makes it the best damn round you’ve ever had.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He certainly does not use them. (He probably doesn’t even know about a lot of them).

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He kind of is a tease but he kind of isn’t. It depends on the mood. It’s he is going fast then he’s more likely to tease to rile you up more, but more often then not he just lets things happen in the bedroom.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Din isn’t much of a talker. He’s very much the silent but deadly type and he’s mostly the same in bed too. He isn’t partially loud, but he’s also not particularly quiet either. He isn’t a constant moaner, but lets just say it’s very easy for you to know when you’re doing something right and making him feel good. Then he will be a bit louder.

But he gets a bit embarrassed at the noises and buries his head in your neck to silence himself despite you telling him you want to hear him.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

He really really really wants to watch you get off. He’s heard you do it (not that you know that) and you sounded to be really enjoying yourself so he wants to watch you. And maybe learn a thing or two about how to properly touch you.

But yes, he really desperately wants to watch you touch yourself, maybe he’d touch himself too...

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

I don’t think it’s a secret that he packing. He tries to act all cool about it saying things like “I’m not that big, am I?” But we all know he’s full of shit. He knows he’s that big. But to be fair, he hasn’t ever seen any other one so he doesn’t really have anything to compare it too.

But we all know that man is huge...

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

It’s surprisingly low. Again, it depends on his mood or the day. He isn’t constantly in the mood for sex. Which he guessed made it more enjoyable.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

Din finds it difficult to sleep for many reasons. But sex always seems to relax him enough he falls asleep almost instantly. Of course, after making sure you’re okay.

Which is why you will often fuck him after a long day just so he will sleep.

13/12/20

[marshmallowprotection]

Write something self indulgent, coward (affectionate)

When his eyes met hers, she knew that that sensation that crawled down her spine wasn't a good one.

Ray was lovely in concept and even more comforting to imagine when she was very scared and lonely. When she felt so lost and hurt about the world. She saw herself in those vulnerable parts of him but being here, underneath his intoxicating and intense gaze left her feeling uneasy.

There was no explanation that she could give him to explain her circumstance, however.

How could she?

Would you believe anyone who was found unconscious on the outskirts of your cult of all things with a cell phone that held information on it with things that they shouldn't be aware of whatsoever?

Would you question reality or their sanity?

When awoke from however long she'd been sleeping, she was surprised to find herself in a dark room, laid back on a couch that didn't feel familiar.

She sat up and that's when she found herself in this situation, staring eye to eye to someone who was simply supposed to be a mere character in a game, not an actual person in the flesh.

She hurriedly rubbed at her eyes but no matter what she did, she could feel every touch and every motion. If it was a dream, it felt too real to be a dream.

His eyes seemed to glow under the blue lights from all the monitors. She couldn't help but gasp which drew his attention from the phone that he'd been staring at.

Her phone, she quickly realized.

There were a lot of flags tipping off in the back of her head and her stomach flopped with that feeling.

Out of everything she knew about Ray and poured her heart into about Ray, she knew it was only good in conceptual theory. Knowing someone as a character wasn't the same as being able to know a person, and that look in his eyes—

She knew that look very well and she knew what it meant. In a matter of seconds, she seemed to unpack her situation and how bad it was. She was in Mint Eye... she was with Ray, and Ray had her phone, which held all of the information to his life and the world around him.

That... it wasn't a good thing.

He was a hacker, too.

It didn't matter how good her passcode was. He likely broke into it to try and find information on why she was there. She wasn't a believer... she wouldn't have papers or IDs with them.

It'd leave him to check the phone, likely assuming that she was a spy or with his father. But, the sole fact that he hadn't said anything...

Now, that was the off-putting factor.

"Did you sleep well," his voice broke the silence as they maintained eye contact with each other. "You know, I hope so. I found you laying outside, in the gardens, all by yourself."

When he stood from his chair, she wanted to sink back into the fabric she was sitting on. She wanted to curl up on that couch and go into the darkness. She knew how dangerous Ray could be when he got it into his head that he wanted something.

That darkened look in his eyes slowly shifted into something saccharine. It made her heart flutter, dangerously. In many ways, it was her weakness. To be desired enough that someone would throw the world away just for you.

But that wasn't truly what Ray wanted to do. He didn't want to hurt others. It would kill him if he actually beat the RFA. She didn't have time to consider that or think about that. He was moving so fast that she couldn't think straight.

Ray kept talking, her phone was tucked away in his pocket as he strode across the room, "I assumed you to be a believer that got lost after their ceremony, but... to my surprise, and you're not a believer at all. In fact, you are... something else entirely."

She swallowed. Her voice wasn't listening to her and she opened her mouth, but words didn't follow. It was empty. What could she even say to him right now? What did he see? What did he know?

Ray paused as he stopped in front of her, leaning down to invade her space second by second, his hand reaching forward to grasp at her chin and nudge it back so she'd met his eyes. It was tender but very firm.

She'd looked at him with that deer in the headlights expression. His face was unreadable, but sheer intensity alone made her shiver.

"I don't know how to feel about this. You knowing everything about me, that is. Yet, you invoke such beautiful words of understanding of my pain and of my life. You seem to know me better than I know myself," his breath fanned against her cheek. "I never thought that the heavens were real, but they sent me an angel... an angel to help me finalize my revenge on that liar and that traitor."

"You understand me, you know everything that I've been trying to do, and you know what I want more than anything... I've seen it. I've read it. I never thought someone could care for someone like me, but... hahaha... hahahaha... I'm sorry, this must be very-very overwhelming, princess. I'm getting ahead of myself, but my heart is beating is so fast, and... all I can think about is how I've been given you, and all of these secrets..."

Her heart dropped as he leaned a little closer, the space between them shrinking by the minute.

"My heart is beating so fast... nobody's ever understood me the way you do. I'll admit... it was frightening at first to realize that someone can know so much about you but... you understand me. You know what I want. You've put care into knowing me... better than I know myself. All I see now... I see it now... I see what I've been given. You've handed me the keys to paradise by coming to me."

"You know everything... you know how to win... you've given me this blessing. I see it now, it's like a fairytale, isn't it, princess? I've never felt this confident before, but I've never had someone like you etch words of my goals so clearly the way you do... hahaha... hahaha."

"I don't even feel upset anymore that you know everything about me because I realize that this isn't wrong... this was always meant to be, princess."

"My heart... I've never felt this alive. Is this the power of your words? We may have just met for the first time... but I know it... I know it... I know it... you're the one... you're the one. You're the one that I've been looking for to help me achieve paradise. You've seen it, you've seen all of my past, present, and future. You've etched it. You've given it to me and protected me."

"When my Savior hears about our guaranteed success to paradise... she'll let me keep you," her stomach twisted when he said it like that. Ray wrapped her hands with his, that look in his eyes left her head spinning.

Keep you.

"Wouldn't you like that? Oh, no... of course, you would. I've seen it. You want me to keep you. You're just like me... you're obsessed... you know this thundering feeling of desire... and you want me to win... you want me to be strong..."

Her words twisted in her throat as she managed, "R—R—Ray, wait."

His lips curled into a smile that seemed to cement her fate. "That settles it, then, doesn't it? The paradise ahead... it can be... truly our paradise... you painted a wonderful picture. Don't you want to let me create it? I know you do... why else would God bring you to me? Why else would he bring me an oracle who sees my vision? Who sees exactly what I desire?"

"Why else would you come to me? Why else would this happen? It's a sign... it's a sign of our victory. I can't wait... I can't wait... so, let me know what you're feeling, Kaitlyn. Because... I've seen into your heart but now I want to hear it in your voice... this fairytale you've spun me, I'll make it mine."

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E111 (Redux! Oct. 13, 2020)

Gooooood evening good evening good evening, all! I started the VOD late for this recap and somehow the first four or so minutes of the show have a Twitch audio copyright claim, so I am reduced to only reading Brian's lips when he asks if we're on the internet. Hilariously, Marisha's background room is a comfy-looking blue/gold fabric wall with a ceramic colorful abstract lamp and a yellow silk scarf over the lampshade, and Taliesin's is an industrial looking games room in grey and black with multiple monitors, overhead speakers, and mysterious metal fixtures behind him. What a treasure this group is, honestly.

Tonight's guests: Marisha Ray & Taliesin Jaffe, discussing episodes 110 and 111 again. I wildly speculate once more about what might have caused their absence: jury duty? Sam appearing on The Masked Singer? Something to do with the animated show? One day, we’ll know, one day... (One day this “copyrighted audio” section will come back from the wars, too. Ugh!) Finally! The audio comes back to reveal Brian discussing the endless reality of digital meetings and Marisha talking about (I think) her glare-reducing glasses she’s wearing. Welcome to the New Age (welcome to the New Age, to the New Age).

Announcements: Marisha suggests checking out Dimension20, another live tabletop gaming group, which premieres live on Wednesdays at 4pm (CollegeHumor). 

Brian immediately wants to know how they feel about the revelation that Molly is alive. Taliesin’s personal reaction: he “knows some things” he can’t talk about and is aware of several possibilities that might be going on, but had a sneaking suspicion that there would not be a body for them to find. He says it’s almost all there for anyone to see in past material. Marisha’s personal reaction: she just wants to know how she’s doing with her theories, & was trying to block Tal’s face out deliberately as she was going off on her theories in the last episode. Taliesin says he thought her ideas were pretty good!

Cad has no clue what to think - it’s like listening to your friends talk about Buffy. Marisha thought it was a 50/50 Molly would still be there, but Beau had no idea. Not that it mattered, because as soon as Matt went through with it the reveal still blew their minds. Tal laid out his plans for the character with Matt during Campaign One (towards the end) after they all got their VM tattoos.

It is a “horrifying and gross” thing to dig up a body, and Beau was pretty reluctant to do it. Tal, as Cad: “Sometimes dead’s better.” The moral quandary of trying to speak with a dead friend was very different here than the frequent occasions they used the spell in C1.

Taliesin says his poker face is very bad, so it’s easier for him to over-react and let it all play out. The only other player he can see very easily from his place in their current setup is Travis, and because he knows Travis doesn’t watch TM, tweet, or participate in social media, he admits he thoroughly enjoyed watching Travis freak out at his freaking out. He says he only knew about 20% of what Matt described at the end of that episode. He was picking things to mug to increase Travis’s surprise. I love this so much.

Taliesin provided the table left leg shake; Travis provided table right. Ha!

Beau is really accepting her role in the Cobalt Soul. It’s good when “as a person, you feel like you can settle into your calling. Sometimes you can do more from the inside than fighting from the outside.” It’s a mirrored but opposite path of Keyleth from C1; Beau felt like she was too good for her duty, while Keyleth thought she wasn’t good enough.

Caduceus is not a big believer in jumping to conclusions. He does have an idea/notion of the “city of the undead” and thinks all this necrotic energy must come from somewhere, and wonders if this is the “capital of anti-death.” He’s willing to believe whatever he sees. This is one of the few things that trigger a bit of loathing and disgust in him. It was terrifying that the Wildmother didn’t know anything.

Beau is pretty confident in her Charlie Day impression laying-out-the-research last episode. She enjoyed taking the things that were known & extrapolating around them; this is a huge facet of Marisha’s own personality and she really enjoys it, so she built a character this time that would allow that kind of puzzle-solving. It’s also why she repeatedly notes when Beau journals, so she can avoid metagaming. Trent’s mention of Vess Durogna’s tomb raiding was completely circumstantial, and the only reason she’d made the connection to the Tombtakers was because she’d recently reviewed those notes for a separate unannounced project. Sometimes she tries to make connections and Matt is like, “It was...just descriptive. Just flavor. The curtains were red...” and she has to discard a paragraph of notes. She feels like it’s still something they have to do because of “look at what he does! Look! It’s totally valid!”

Cosplay of the Week: @kitsunstudios with a gorgeous Caduceus with a very intricate silk vest.

Caduceus’s takedown of Trent! One of my favorite moments in the entirety of C2. Taliesin felt Trent was an asshole; Caduceus felt sorry for him because of how dumb he thought he was. Caduceus’s response was "this is the dumbest man I’ve ever met in my life. He’s so dumb! Is nobody going to tell this guy how dumb he is? Oh, they’re all freaked out. Somebody needs to tell this guy he’s an idiot before somebody gets hurt.” (Marisha: “Before?”) Tal says it was the product of several years of therapy and many drunk conversations with Whitney Moore. It was from a genuine place of concern from Caduceus. “How are you allowed to have this much power and be that dumb?”

Brian loved how funny it was to watch everyone tiptoe around Trent and then Caduceus bulldoze through the end of the meal.

Taliesin: “Damage doesn’t make you interesting or better. It’s not what makes you good. Character isn’t found in damage. Just recovery.”

Brian & Marisha commiserate going through the stage where believing surviving something automatically made you a stronger person, better for the pain; instead it just meant you had to pick up the pieces after. Marisha talks about how strength through survival may be true for some people, but it shouldn’t be considered a necessity. Taliesin talks about how he used to think he had to be miserable to write. Brian talks about how believing he liked reading and writing miserable things only limited him for years.

Marisha feels it’s a C2 theme that almost all the PCs have someone trying to handwave or take credit for their accomplishments or explain their pain as being for their own good (Trent, Beau’s dad, Obann). She thinks it’s interesting to see all the various ways people try to take credit for your work/delegitimize you as a person. She loves that RPGs allow you to explore these odd moralities in interesting ways. The only way to fight it is to have a sense of your own self-worth, which is a problem a lot of the M9 started with.

Caduceus likes everyone, and really likes people who appear to need role models (Eodwulf). “With the right friends and the right bar and the right attitude, I think he’d be okay. Come over here where it’s so much better. That seems like an exhausting friendship that you have there.”

Marisha loves the mix of personalities in the M9; Veth, Cad, & Jester were all “we kind of like them!” after the dinner, and she immediately made eye contact with Travis and they both shook their heads. She knows Beau has to go along with it for Caleb’s sake for now, but she & Fjord are pretty sus of Trent’s proteges.

Beau is less concerned about Artagan’s relationship to Jester because “he showed his ass--she’s less worried about Jester now because a little of the magic is gone.” It’s a little like becoming an adult and realizing your parents are also just adults & human. Caduceus wasn’t suspicious of the Traveler for a long time until they got to the island. Aside: Taliesin loves the pantheon in D&D. “The notion of attempting to apply common Western conceptions of religion to a world where you have a pantheon of interventionist gods as baseline makes no sense to me. Everyone admits that every other god is there and doing shit; it has more in common with ancient Rome than anything else.” Now that he knows it was a con, he feels the wind had been taken out of it. He does have a sense that Jester’s gotten back together with an ex: “I hope that I’m really happy for you.” They’re both interested to see how Jester navigates the new relationship.

My internet goes out, of course. I panic for a second, thinking I’ve lost everything above, but all is well! Thanks, Form History Control addon!

Marisha loved punching Artagan, but regretting rolling so poorly. “I miss violence.” Dani lets us know it’s been about four episodes since the last battle.

There’s no way the Cobalt Reserve doesn’t have a single document on the Eyes of Nine. Beau believes “there are no real secrets” because people are just bad at not writing things down. For there to be no information at all seems really suspicious for her.

Fanart of the Week: @oddalchemist on twitter with some awesome Beau conspiracy red-thread boards overlaid a distant shadowy Molly walking away.

Caduceus feels a little guilty for really enjoying his time right now with the M9 and not wanting to go home. He’s starting to suspect that he’s going to go home very different than when he left. “He has the softest problems. I don’t know if I want to move back in with Mom & Dad.”

Beau is trying to get comfortable with the idea of being happy. Jester is probably Beau’s first real best friend & one of the first healthy female friendships she’s ever had. As long as she still has Jester in her life, she doesn’t care. For Yasha... “At the end of the day, Beau is a lonely person and has always been a lonely person. And I think you kinda reach this point where once you’re not lonely anymore, you can kind of come out of the fog and realize that was horrible! And terrifying! And is even more terrifying now that I know what I could have, and I don’t want to go back to that. At the end of the day Beau doesn’t want to be lonely anymore. There’s always been that flirtation with Yasha, but everyone had to figure their own shit out. And now it feels like it’s coming out a little bit of that haze, maybe this actually could be...” There are a lot of ways they complement each other & are good-different from each other. Marisha believes people can be attracted to more than person at once.

Caduceus doesn’t think nature turned against him on Rumblecusp, it was just a reality of nature being dangerous and violent. “He has a complex relationship with nature.” He doesn’t expect special treatment.

Thoughts on the mansion: “Man, it’s nice to be seen.” Marisha: “I don’t know how I ended up becoming the Scanlan of this campaign, but I’m living for it.” It felt like an echo of “I’m better for having known you.” They compare Marisha taking specific notes on the campaign to Liam taking specific notes on people’s favorite tapestries, comics, etc.

They talk about missing theme parks and daydream a park version of the mansion in CritRoleLand. It’s lovely.

Taliesin never expected Divine Intervention to work; he just wanted to roll some dice. He’s still processing what he saw/heard. They all agree it was very useful in the Vokodo fight.

Vilya! Marisha: “Ah! Ah! Ah!” As a player, Marisha was so deep in Beau’s eyes she didn’t pick up it was Vilya at first (especially since Matt really emphasized they should not be looking for C1 NPCs). Marisha’s brain melted. She bawled her eyes out on the ride home after that episode. Right after it ended, Laura told Marisha “Keyleth finally gets her happy ending,” and it makes Marisha emotional again since Keyleth’s story ended so bittersweetly. She talks about the very real feelings of “just wanting them to be happy, though!” She went back and listened to all her old Keyleth playlists. Everyone was teary after the episode. “Everyone has these 100% real memories of being these characters and having these good times.”

And that’s that for that! Thanks for your patience, all, and is it Thursday yet?

[no-whump-on-main]

Apartment 307-7 (This is for Your Own Good)

this is for your own good-requested by @magpiewhump

TWs: Heavy chapter overall. Creepy, sadistic whumper, noncon nonsexual touching, branding, victim-blaming, passing thought of emeto but none actually shown, thoughts of death

Clyde started to worry about Elora when she still hadn’t woken back up at six p.m when he got back from work, over ten hours after she passed out due to him completely exhausting her magic. He walked in and checked on her the very moment after he put his things down on the kitchen counter, and there she was, still passed out, curled up on her side like a little terrified animal. He left, deciding to let her sleep some more-he was concerned, of course, but not terribly so. She did seem rather drained when he left. He would’ve loved to spend the evening with her, but he resolved to show a little sympathy and let her sleep. Still, he checked on her about every hour, only to find her still passed out in the exact same position every single time. He began to get irritated when she still wasn’t up around eleven-he just wanted to sleep, at that point, but he was worried she’d wake up at any moment and start causing a scene. Screaming, trying to escape, doing whatever it was she did-hell, he didn’t know. She was unpredictable.

He still didn’t even know what he thought about her. He was fascinated, of course, by her magic, by her mere life-that’s why he had to have her-but he still didn’t know how he felt about her as a person. She was awfully stubborn and had terrible language for a young woman, but she was beautiful, exquisitely so, especially when her eyes were watery with tears and she had that determined expression despite the fear he knew was crippling her.

God, he just wanted to break her. He wanted to study her first and foremost, of course, but as a side project of sorts, he wanted to see that iron resolution dissolve, just like that, because of him.

He decided to head to sleep, freshening up in his master bath before heading to sleep. His room was nothing special; it smelled like a mix of dirty bath mats and moth balls, and all it really had for furniture was a desk on the verge of collapsing, a mattress on the floor, and boxes that still hadn’t been unpacked despite him having moved in over a decade ago.

But that night, he went to sleep happy, unbothered by the chaos and dirty apartment and his seemingly menial life. Because he knew what to do. He had direction, for once. Elora brought him that. She was like a quest, a puzzle to solve, and he’d had a eureka moment. To break her, he’d have to teach her that she wasn’t her own anymore. That she was his, because clearly, she’d been struggling with the concept.

And he knew exactly how to do it.

~

When Elora woke up, she felt like she was having the worst hangover she'd ever experienced, multiplied by ten. She was dizzy, her mouth was dry, and a pounding headache had settled in the back of her skull, each throb feeling like a firework exploding inside her head.

It was pitch black, not a single ray of light coming in from the crack underneath the door, so she assumed that it was either the middle of the night or early morning. That meant she slept for, god-eighteen, twenty hours? That was probably half of why she felt like shit. Draining her body of all the energy it had like that was both excruciatingly painful and awfully exhausting. It was also decidedly horrible for her body-she was never supposed to work herself like that. Hell, she wasn’t sure how she even survived exerting that much.

At the very least, she had some time to herself. It was nice to be alone for a while, to recoup between sessions of vicious torture.

She sat back against the wall, staring up at the pitch black ceiling. Time was fuzzy, but she thought it was...Tuesday, now? So her mom certainly knew she was gone, and she had told the police, and they were looking for her.

She hoped. She just-she really, really hoped that someone was coming for her soon. Before anything worse happened, while she could still come back from it. While she could still come home alive, herself, shaken, but herself.

She ended up dozing off for a few minutes and waking up again a few times as the hours passed by, leaving her alone with her thoughts. She knew exactly when the sun was rising; the crack underneath the door slowly began to get less dark, going from black, to an inky gray, to a pale orange, and finally, to real yellow light. A little sliver of a sunrise. Even after just a couple of days, she missed the sun. The bathroom was windowless, and that alone made it suffocating. She’d do anything, pay any amount of money in the world, just to go outside, see a sunrise, and breathe. Just breathe, for a moment, just catch her breath.

As excited as she wanted to be about the taste of a sunrise, all she felt was dread. Every morning she’d been awake to see the pattern, so far, she’d noted that he came in just after sunrise.

So she only had a few minutes, then.

She just hoped that he would make the pain brief.

She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply when she heard his footsteps pattering down the hallway, exhaling when she heard the doorknob turn.

He flicked the light switch on and the sudden brightness hurt her eyes, so much so that she quickly wrenched them shut. And when he spoke, it felt like his voice was booming, much louder than it actually was. She wanted to cover her ears, but resisted the urge, much too scared to take out another sense and be so vulnerable to him.

He acknowledged her reactions with a hum, tapping his foot impatiently.

“Jeez, you’ve been out for a while. It’s about time you woke up. What’s the face for? You okay?”

Elora shook her head, replying bitterly. “Not supposed to use that much magic. Feels kinda like a really bad hangover.” He always smelled like cheap beer. Maybe he’d have some sympathy for that.

“Mh. You’ll be fine. We have things to do today.”

Elora opened her eyes, at that point, looking over at him despite the deep burning sensation in her eyes. He was holding something behind his back, out of her view.

“I-I’ll do what you want,” she said shakily. “Whatever magic shit. I don’t care. We can-h-how about we just act symbiotically, huh? I’ll do whatever you want and you just don’t hurt me. Easy deal on your end, really.”

The man scoffed. “Funnily enough, I actually don’t need anything from you today. Just for you to stay still and be a good girl. I’ve got something to teach you.”

Her throat felt like it was coated in honey. She wanted to spit back that the last thing she would ever do is be a good girl, but she couldn’t form words. It was hard to breathe properly. She knew she was panicking. What did he mean?

Casually, he revealed what was behind his back. It looked like a big pen, with a long cord on one tapered end and a thick, linear metal tip on the other. He plugged the cord into the wall and set it down. Dimly, Elora wondered where she’d seen a weird pen like that. She knew it seemed familiar, it was for crafts, but she couldn’t remember quite what it was for. She blinked, her panic slowing her thoughts-

Woodburning. It was used for woodburning.

Her mouth dropped open in shock, her eyes instantly tearful as she looked on in pure horror, knowing what was going to be done to her. Clyde basked in her terror, grinning as he watched realization and fear strike her.

She was frozen, shocked into silence, so he took the opportunity to speak first. “You seem to be having a hard time with the concept that you’re mine. And what better way to mark that something is yours other than putting your name on it? That’s how I get my coworkers to stop eating my tuna salad from the community fridge.” He stopped to laugh at his own joke. No one liked tuna salad but him. His coworkers would never touch it. Elora looked utterly terrified. He didn’t care a bit, and went on. “But of course, you don’t need to know who I am. You don’t need my name. All you need to worry your pretty little head about is being good for me, got it? So what better than to teach you than to just mark you as mine?”

As panicked as she was, Elora suddenly went into survival mode, no longer able to just stand there and wait to be hurt. “NO!” she screamed. “No, please, I c-can learn! Please, you don’t need to do that. I-I-I told you, I’ll do what you want today, please!”

The man grinned, wagging his pointer finger at her. “Uh-uh-uh. We’re past that, little lark. You already showed me that you don’t know who you belong to when you so rudely refused to do as I told you with the plant and adamantly denied to heal yourself up until I made you.”

He stepped towards her, and she screamed, scrambling back to the other side of the bathtub. It didn’t do much, of course; he was still able to grab her just as easily. She kept screeching, and she fought, she fought tooth and nail, scratching, kicking, trying to bite him, but nothing worked. She was already getting weaker by the day.. He managed to unlock her handcuffs and lift her out of the tub within a minute, completely stopping her desperate fight when he threw her down on the hard tile by the sink where the pen was plugged into an outlet, knocking the breath out of her. She sputtered and coughed, trying to roll on her side, but before she could, he stopped her, straddling her waist, pinning her legs down with his own, and both her arms with his left, pulled tightly across her chest, his elbow digging into her right arm, keeping it in place, and his hand holding down her left. With his right hand, he grabbed the woodburner, the cord just long enough to reach down to the floor.

He frowned as he looked down at her screaming, thrashing form, then put the burner down. For a moment, Elora thought she was free. She thought she was free, she thought he was safe, she thought he reconsidered, she thought he wouldn’t do it.

“Woops. Forgot a step. You’re too damn much of a fighter.” Instead of letting her go like she wished, he fumbled to unbutton all three buttons on the top of her polo shirt. She felt like vomiting the entire time his fingers brushed against the skin of her chest, undoing the buttons painfully slowly, one by one. She shivered, but the room felt hot.

He picked up the burner again. “This is for your own good,” he said, his voice gruff and firm. He pulled her unbuttoned shirt to his right and brought the hot metal tip down upon her left collarbone.

The agony was blinding. She saw pure white as she screamed, keening, much louder than she had been before. She dimly felt the pain move up against her skin as the woodburner stroked upwards, then down diagonally, then up again diagonally, then back down. It left a trail of searing, red-hot pain. M. Mine.

Three more letters to go, and she already felt more blinding pain than she thought was possible.

Clyde frowned at her screaming, briefly putting the woodburner to the side, exchanging the pain for a gentle touch, softly running his hand through her hair. She continued screaming and tried to wiggle away from his hand, yet he ignored her blatant discomfort.

“Shhh,” he whispered. “Quiet, my darling, it’ll be over soon.”

His words were far from comforting, though her screams did stop for all but a moment. They continued when he brought the woodburner back to her skin, drawing out an I, three torturous burning strokes. She thought she might pass out, might vomit, might die, the pain was so bad.

“Halfway there,” he said gently, when he finished burning the I into her skin. His voice had become gentle, kind. She didn’t understand it. “Shh, you’re alright. I had to do this, you know. This is for you. To help you learn.”

She shook her head madly, tears falling down her face and onto the tile floor. “Stop,” she croaked, her voice breaking. “Please, stop.”

He seemed genuinely apologetic. Maybe this was too much for him, too. Or maybe it was all an act. Elora couldn’t tell.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. We’re halfway done already. It would be strange to stop here, with half of a word, no?”

And with that, he went on, with just as much brutal carelessness for her pain.

N. She had been switching between staring up at the ceiling blankly and squeezing her eyes shut while he branded her, but she was looking up for this letter, watching the ceiling spin, watching black spots dot her vision, watching as she slipped in and out of consciousness for a few seconds at the time.

She couldn’t even say that she was getting used to it. It hurt just as much now, a minute later, as it had when he started.

The smell started to catch up with her halfway through the N. It was awful, the overwhelmingly sickening scent seeping in and filling her nostrils. She couldn’t escape it. She had to breathe, had to inhale the scent of her burning flesh. There was no choice.

Just as the last upward stroke of the N danced like fire across her skin, the man’s hand carded through her hair again, his fingers rubbing her scalp kindly.

“Almost done, honey. Almost done. You’re doing great.”

She didn’t even have the strength to shake her head. She wasn’t his honey, she wasn’t doing great, this wasn’t for her, it was for him, he was crazy-

Her screams began to die out, her throat burning and raw, begging for air. They turned to weak, sobs, her expression twisted with agony.

E. A stroke up, one to the side at the top of that, another sidestroke in the middle, another at the bottom. She started to feel like she was up on the ceiling, floating. She couldn’t handle this.

What she felt was more than pain. She didn’t know how to describe it. But it was much, much worse than any sort of pain she knew. The burning agony mixed with the scent of her charred flesh in the air, the sensation of the man’s weight on top of her, his hand in her hair, his fingers unbuttoning her shirt combined to create the the most horrific thing she’d ever felt.

It was a new kind of misery. Something much worse than she even knew existed.

She gasped for air as the man slowly eased off of her, her chest finally able to expand properly. He let her arms go first, as a trial. She didn’t make any attempt to retaliate, so he got off of her legs, too, and stood. She laid there, half disassociated. The pain was too much for her to bear. Even though the woodburner was no longer directly on her skin, it still hurt just as much as when the hot metal had been making direct contact with her collarbone. It was still pure, utter agony.

“Remember,” the man’s voice boomed. “This was for you. You chose this, with your actions.”

She didn’t shake her head no, but she didn’t agree, either. She stayed perfectly still, right where she was, sobbing. She just sobbed. That was all she could do.

“Ice,” she begged weakly, her voice hoarse from her screams.

The man chuckled. “Oh, no, sweetie, no can do. Don’t want you getting any sort of first aid. I need it to scar as much as possible. That was the whole point.” He chuckled. Another sob ripped from her throat, and he began to feel slightly guilty.

“Here. I can do something for you. He opened the bathroom door and left, the burning flesh scent thankfully beginning to waft out. Elora knew that she should have gotten up and ran for the door the moment he left. She knew that she was missing what was probably her only chance to escape.

But she couldn’t make herself do it. She couldn’t make herself move.

He was back a few moments later, with a pillow and a blanket from his bed. He lifted her head up and placed the pillow beneath beneath it, shielding it from the hard tile. He draped the blanket over her body, smoothing it down around her with care. She’d be disgusted by his falsified kindness if she weren’t so distracted by the pain.

“And I’ll let you stay uncuffed for a while. I’m sorry, Elora, I really am, but this was the only way. You and I both know that. I’ll have to call out of work, can’t trust you alone and unchained. But that’s fine. I’ll just stay right here until you’re feeling a little better.”

He slid down the wall and sat across from her. All he could see on her face was pure sorrow. She didn’t sleep, despite the pillow and blanket; she wasn’t tired. She just hurt. She lay there, limp, weak, and crying, the pillowcase soaking up her silent tears as she pressed her mouth into a tight, thin line.

Clyde stared at her for several minutes then sighed and lit a cigarette. They’d be here for a while.

Tags: @exploringspaceinpyjamas

@badthingshappenbingo

[unsaidjulie]

jatp as a fairytale

okay so this was entirely inspired by this post. i talked a bit in the tags of my reblog and @metaorigin asked me to expand on my thoughts, so, here it is: 

why julie and the phantoms should be looked at as a fairy tale rather than your regular kids/young adult concept

let’s first discuss the differences between the two concepts. fairy tales are most kids’ first introduction to stories – think cinderella, snow white and the seven dwarves, beauty and the beast, as the universal ones. these stories serve to teach kids the abstract concepts of bad and good. 

let’s do this on the example of tangled, or rapunzel. there’s a clear villain aka bad guy (stepmother), a clear good guy 1 (rapunzel), and a clear problem (stepmother doesn’t let her out of the tower). there’s also the clear good guy 2, aka the saviour (flynn/eugene). the fairy tale gets a little bit more complex in tangled rather than the disney version, but the premise is the same, and the ending is the same: against all odds, rapunzel is reunited with her family, has eugene by her side, and the villain—mother gothel—is clearly defeated.

it’s simple. it’s showing that good defeats evil; that there is always hope, even when things seem bleak. tangled even follows the traditional narrative style where there is a twist, or low point where we are scared for the heroes (rapunzel going back to mother gothel) but it still doesn’t last. we are scared, but we have hope. 

the payoff for this is happiness with the outcome. it’s the best possible outcome, but it isn’t unrealistic – the bad guys are defeated, put behind bars/fallen out of the tower, and the heroes are safe. we have the feeling that nothing bad could happen to them, because they are happy. it gives the little kids hope. it teaches them a lesson that there is evil, but there is good that can defeat it. 

that’s a fairy tale. kids and young adult storylines, especially in the last few decades, take this and twist it. darken it. make it more like real life. 

for this example, let’s take harry potter, because everybody knows harry potter. once again, there’s a clear good guy (harry), bad guy (voldemort), and a clear problem (voldemort wants to kill harry so harry has to defeat him). the premise is simple enough. however, this is where things get complicated – this is not all harry potter is. 

there are characters like snape, dumbledore, malfoy, to name a few – characters who aren’t clearly good or bad, because good or bad isn’t black and white the way fairy tale show us. in real life, these two are intertwined, and it can sometimes be difficult to say which is which. people die in the end, good people, because even when good wins, it doesn’t win 100%. it teaches the viewer than you can’t have everything – that everything good comes with a bad. the concept of the ying and the yang, almost. there has to be a balance. 

stories about real life tend to be bittersweet, because real life is bittersweet. we don’t defeat the dragon and get the girl, we don’t escape our tower without feeling the repercussions of our isolation for the rest of our lives. the good doesn’t come without the bad. 

and now that we know the basic difference between the two concepts, let’s apply this to julie and the phantoms. (under the cut because this is getting a little long)

jatp is a tv show originally targeted at young kids, which is one big important thing that sometimes gets overlooked in posts theorising/discussing the show. most of the viewers, especially on tumblr (aka the ones who analyse the show the most) aren’t kids. some of us don’t even usually watch kids’ shows, so we’re coming from backgrounds of ya, of where things aren’t black and white, where bad things happen to good people because that’s how it works in the real world. 

if that’s the approach to julie and the phantoms, there is no way the boys become real. there is no way that something like this—something so inherently good—happens. even if it does, then it comes with a hefty toll. there has to be payback. there has to be a balance. 

it’s still a wholesome, family show, so the expectation could be that the boys cross over, find happiness that way. it’s nice enough, but it’s sad for julie – it’s her losing even more people she loves. jatp is about julie’s grief, to an extent, and it’s a vital part to julie – her grieving her mother and learning how to live with the hole in her heart. it’s only natural to show that grief doesn’t need to be the end of things, that you can grieve in a healthy way where it doesn’t put a pause on the things you love, right?

no. i mean, yes, but no. 

it’s a story they’re doing with julie’s mother. julie getting over grief is julie getting over her mother’s death, and we’re already being shown how much she has improved on dealing with that. this is the lesson that everything bad comes to an end, that you can move on even if your heart has been broken. life goes on. you heal. things get better. 

isn’t that a fairy tale lesson? that the good outweighs the bad, defeats it, until everything is well again?

if we’re taking the concept of rapunzel, julie would actually be eugene – the hero saving the good guys (luke, alex, reggie) from the bad guy (caleb). this has already, to an extent, happened – with nothing other than the power of love. whether it was their love for music, their love for one another, it was love. it was devotion. 

good defeated the bad. 

there’s also willie, who may not have saved the boys by giving them the hug of love, but he risked his own life and freedom to rectify what he’d done (which was an accident, by the way, because all he’s ever wanted was to help and caleb failed him. caleb made him a traitor. but willie fixed it, even if it wasn’t necessarily his fault. i’ll say it was love, too, for alex, aside from just the pure goodness of his heart.)

we don’t know what happened with willie at the end of the first season, but we assume it can’t have been good. there’s the balance, but is it really? we know willie will be fine. we know that the boys will be fine. we know that we can rely on the story to take us to a good place, to make us feel good, to give us an escape into the world where being good actually pays off and we can trust the world. 

i don’t know about you, but i don’t find myself trusting other fictional worlds like this. i always expect that it will hurt me in one way or another, that i will lose someone i love, that someone i love will get hurt and things won’t be the same. i don’t expect this from jatp. i expect happiness, and nothing short of it. 

this trust is the trust kids have in fairy tales. before you’re exposed to the fact that real life doesn’t work like that, it’s comforting to think that good will defeat the bad and things will be okay. it’s comforting. 

jatp is comforting. it doesn’t throw reality at you. it gives you an escape, just like fairy tales did. it convinces you that good defeats the bad. 

fairy tales are meant to show you that if you’re good, you’re going to get a happy ending. that everything can be defeated, even death (snow white? goldilocks?) – they’re teaching kids that things are going to be okay – to have hope – to not give up when things get tough, because they’re going to beat it. 

this is why the boys crossing over isn’t a good message for kids. it shows that even if you do everything in your power, it won’t be enough to keep someone. the boys will never get their chance at normal lives, at fixing things they didn’t have time to. that they will always have died young, with no real future. even if they’re playing with julie, it’s still limited, it’s still not the real thing. 

they’re still dead. they still don’t have a future. the reality is still there, and if they cross over, they will never have that little thing that means everything. 

it’s not right. it feels like they deserve more. it feels like alex deserves having a future with willie, luke deserves having a future with julie, and reggie deserves to be able to communicate with ray, have the positive father figure he’s always wanted (because you can’t tell me this isn’t reggie’s story.) they deserve more than just leaving things without a chance to live. 

a story that talks about how bittersweet life is won’t give this. a fairy tale will. and it will teach that everything and everyone is important, that being loving and caring and kind is enough in the world. that there’s hope. that even if things get tough, that everybody gets what they deserve and nothing less. that life is fair. 

netflix is a kids show. the story of julie and the phantoms is being told to kids. it’s showing kids what life is like, and it’s teaching kids that life isn’t all that bad. it gives hope more than a show that deals with actual reality does – and this is exactly why jatp has become a comfort show so quickly for so many people. 

and especially, brown girls. black girls. gay guys. jatp has got the representation and it would let these kids show that it’s okay to be what they are. that they have a future. that they deserve love just as much as the next person. that they can get their happy ending. that everything is going to be okay. 

tlrd; jatp is better seen as a fairy tale because it gives hope not just to young kids but to everybody, and that’s more important than teaching the lesson that life isn’t black and white. 

[bangtancentricsblog]

hell hath no fury

↳ they say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned God was not an exception

❒ pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

❒ genre: angst, some fluff maybe, re-imagined bible story

❒ alternative universe: biblical, modern, married

❒ rating: NC 17

❒ word count: 2.8 k

warnings/disclosures: this isn't meant to mock religion or anything so please don't see it that way!, a whole lot of other gods/goddesses that i don't know enough about but decided to use for this fic, LUCIFER JUNGKOOK, GOD MC, APHRODITE SEOKJIN, BES YOONGI, MICHAEL TAEHYUNG, talks of war, Jungkook and MC have a daughter, they talk in circles lmao, mc doesn't let things go….nothing too bad though so i hope you enjoy it…..

main ml • AO3

It’s bright, so uncomfortably bright. Jungkook likes to think that maybe the white monotone and the open concept of the living room isn't because you held onto that disgusting idea of purity. To be honest he’s absolutely positive you’ve never known purity in your life, but he’s not one to judge. He’s not quite sure why he’s here but he supposed it's a good sign when his wife finally decides she wants to see him, especially of her own volition. There’s something about the solitude of your house that makes his skin tingle almost as if one of his brothers were near. Though one can never be certain when it comes to you, especially considering those horny bastards had been after you way before you two had even gotten married.

His leg has begun to bounce, a nervous tick he picked up from one of his human friends, but to say he’s nervous is a long shot. In truth he’s excited, the last time he’d seen you was during the wildfires of 2017 and that already seemed so long ago. Sure he’d caused it but what other choice did he really have? It’s not everyday one so easily gets to see their wife, especially one who has gone out of her way to make it known that although they were indeed still married they were in fact separated. He sighs heavily, manspreading while leaning his head against the back of the couch, he can’t wait, he thinks allowing his eyes to flutter closed.

*

Jin stares at you, eyes half lidded the way they always are when he can smell the love in the air. Though it's not just in the air, the scent of love has heavily wrapped itself to your being like a second skin and he finds that not for the first time he wants to know who exactly had such an effect on you. His cheek rests in his open palm, his stare taking in every bit of you in search of a possible answer, but alas he can’t seem to find a crack in your hand crafted mask. The garden you sit in is like that of a fairytale, Jin would know he’s read his fair share, but he digresses, he’s not quite sure why he’s here though. Sure he loved having tea with you but recently something had changed and when the goddess of love and beauty says he wished he could have tea with you in a beautiful garden he hadn’t expected you to make one in mere seconds. Surely something had to be wrong for you to build an entire garden just to appease his whims.

“____, honey, is there something you wanted to talk about?” he asks, eyes still trained on your face, still searching.

“I’m not sure what you mean Aphrodite, can’t I simply want to have tea with you?”

“You would never take me for a fool, just as I would never dream to take you for one. So I’ll ask once more and you know I don't usually ask love. Is there something you wanted to talk about?” he waits, his nose twitching as the beautiful sweet fragrance of love so unique to you is tainted by the bitter scent of smoke and iron. He wants to gag but he won’t because it seems your little mask has begun to crumble unknowingly.

“I’ve summoned my husband.” you whisper cupping the teacup in both hands. He doesn’t mean to gasp, it just slips out the seams of his lips. He knows of all the things your husband has done and he knows that they hurt you deeply, even now.

“What can I do to help?” he asks instead of ‘Do you want my husband to beat him up?’

“How do you, I mean how can I, well I'm not too sure honestly.” you chuckle bringing your teacup to your lips and the look in your eyes is far away, one Jin has never had the pleasure of knowing especially in one as young as yourself.

“Honey, you can't force someone to love you, love is something that just is or isn't.” He knows it's cryptic and yeah all the old gods spoke in riddles like this but he knows you, and he knows you’ll understand.

“I hate riddles, you old gods should keep up with the times.” you say, and suddenly he’s reminded of Bes who despite being slightly younger than him is much more in tune with the ways of humans and the current ruling god. His brows twitch, the smooth expanse of his unwrinkled face twisting as he feels the words slide onto his tongue, “You should talk to Yoongi then, he seems like a better candidate than this old goddess.” Your laughter fills the air, a sound so joyous that the garden around him seems to grow bigger and brighter. Oh, he thinks as he watches the garden evolve past anything he can imagine. Mortals were so dumb to think that a man could do anything much less create all that they have, even now as you sit before him he’s completely in awe of your true powers. There’s that scent again, the smell of love but much more different, yours is sweet and warm this one is cool and soothing almost like the scent of rain. It washes over him and mingles with yours twisting up in a way that compliments one other.

He’s turning his gaze away from you in search of the scent and finds himself staring straight at Lucifer. It’s not a surprise really, he knew that Lucifer was handsome, dare he say rivailed the looks of many of his friends and yet he was a different kind of handsome. Though right now he finds himself equal parts intrigued and disgusted because there was no way this was your husband.

*

Jungkook is roused from his nap by the sound of laughter, more accurately your laughter. It's such a sweet sound, he can't help but feel slightly upset that you sound so happy giggling up a storm with someone that isn't him. He knows the difference between your laugh, can easily tell, before you’d decided to separate he’d spent the better part of 7 millenia with you. He can see the way the shrubbery just outside a window is blooming, the once small buds blossoming into the full grown flowers as your laughter continues. He’s off the couch and following the sound like a bloodhound to a scent, he doesn't remember the cobblestone path nor the fountains of water nymphs that shy away from him as he passes. He doesn’t remember what used to be his home being so vast, the land is green, small rose bushes growing taller and taller into a hedge maze. He’s walking through it blindly, it’s bizarre really, because he’s sure he’d never gone through it before, almost as if it had grown in an instant.

He can see the trees that line the outsides of the hedge maze, can smell the sweet scent of honey suckles hidden from his view. All of these things are new to him but you aren’t one of them. Your laughter has died down to mere gasps and he’s rounding a corner when he finally finds you, though to his surprise it’s not just you. His gaze is quick to fall on Aphrodite, as his aura fluctuates from a soft pink to a dark raspberry his dislike for Jungkook is clear. The sun prickles at the back of his neck as you turn your gaze to meet his, a strange comforting warmth spreads through him. One he is accustomed to, something else he’s missed since you’d forced him from his place by your side. He watches your eyes grow wide as if you’ve just now remembered that you’d summoned him. A slow itch finds its way to his palms, he has to clench his fists to get rid of the sensation, blunt fingernails digging into the skin. He hides the slight wince well face falling into one of indifference as you continue to gaze at him.

“I’ll take my leave now, but I expect to hear from you soon.” Aphrodite says to you smiling in a way that annoys Jungkook. You seem to hesitate to tear your gaze from Jungkook’s, there’s that sparkle he missed, the one that shines brighter than all the galaxies in creation. He knows it sounds like an exaggeration but it’s not, your eyes really do hold stardust and shine just as bright. The breeze carries your scent to him and he takes a deep breath relishing in the indescribable smell, he sighs, fingers twitching at the thought that he’s finally this close to you.

“Wife.” he says.

“Jungkook.” you parrot his tone, but he can see the way your lips twitch in a failed attempt to hide a smile. He can feel his own pull upwards, his cheeks heating the longer you smile at him.

“May I take a seat?” he asks motioning to the chair opposite you. You nod your head gaze trained on his form as he easily closes the distance. The sun shines beautifully off his hair bathing him in a golden glow that makes him just that much more handsome, and it further reminds you just how breathtaking he is.

“How have you been Jungkook?” You ask as he takes a seat, the sun once warm now feels slightly uncomfortable against your skin, the dress you wear doing nothing to protect you from its suddenly harsh rays.

“Could be better, I do rule over hell after all. How about you, how is heaven going for you?” He says, moving to rest his cheek in an open palm.

“It’s going well, the death rate has gone down significantly. Nothing I can really complain about. I would like it if you stopped threatening to stir up trouble though.”

“I do no such thing, if my brothers have lied to you that’s on them. I would also love to not see you flirting with them at family functions.”

“I don’t flirt with them.” You say appalled at the thought.

“You do, you just don’t know you’re doing it.” He laughs taking your hand that rests on the table. His skin is warm against yours, your fingers twitch in his hold as he moves to intertwine them. His eyes are lidded, a soft smile playing at his lips the longer the silence grows. A breeze blows past carrying with it the faintest scent of salt and heat, one that comes to mind when you think of one person. You pull your hand away from his just barely catching the way his face falls at the loss of contact. It makes your heart ache, the loss of contact with him when he’s just returned to your side. But you have to be strong, it was you after all that had chosen to separate.

“Mama!” Your daughter squeals bounding over to you before she throws herself into your hold. Her skin is warm, the scent of salt just that much stronger now that she’s sitting in your lap. Her gaze falls to Jungkook quickly as she squeals again quickly squirming off your lap and towards him.

“Papa, I missed you! Did you miss me?” She asks as he moves to hold her close.

“Papa always misses you, my precious girl.”

“Mama said she had a surprise for me, are you staying over?” She asks excitedly before she begins to play with his fingers comparing her little hand to his.

“I don’t know, what do you think mama?” He asks around a grin that makes your heart flutter and your cheeks heat.

“I think your papa is busy honey. Why don’t you go play with your toys while we finish talking and then we can do something else.” You ask eyes hopeful that she’ll agree easily.

“Okay.” She sighs sliding off his lap but not before she kisses his cheek and bounds off towards the house. Both of you watch her go, gaze reflecting the adoration you hold for her.

“She’s gotten so big, how do you handle her?”

“With a lot of work, look I called you here because for some reason Yoongi has convinced me to try and work things out with you.”

“I’ve always liked Yoongi, he’s a very reasonable god.”

“We have our daughter to think about so I figured we should at least try for her.”

“And what about us?”

“What of it?”

“Are we not going to try and fix our relationship?”

“Jungkook, I know you don’t love me. You’ve proven it many times over and I don't want to force any of my feelings on you.”

“Why do you think that?” He asks, the annoyance is clear as he sticks his tongue into his cheek crossing his arms at his chest.

“You cheated on me, more than once.” You grit out.

“For the last time, it was a misunderstanding. You never let me explain, but of course you wouldn’t because you’re god and you’re always right.”

“I didn’t need to hear a lie about how that minor goddess came to be in our bed.”

“It wouldn’t have been a lie, because I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Just like you did nothing wrong with Lilith?”

“Exactly, Lilith is a liar she wanted to get away from Adam. I had nothing to do with that!”

“Surely you think me a fool.”

“I don’t but I do think you’re being foolish. I have never and will never be unfaithful to you. I love you, even after you cast me out of heaven, even when you refuse to believe me, I love you.” He says so earnestly your heart skips a beat. In his eyes you see nothing but truth, they glitter like they did all those years as if they’d been sprinkled with only the purest of stardust. They’re just as beautiful, just as lethal, but still beautiful and yet there’s something different.

“What aren’t you telling me?” You ask, the lightness in your tone is gone, replaced with something firm, something unyielding.

“What makes you think I’m hiding something, if I’m hiding anything at all.”

“I know you, and you are most definitely hiding something. So what is it?”

“The years have made you cynical, I don’t spend all my time plotting just so I can see you again.”

“Of course not, you spend the rest of your time bedding demons and corrupting the minds of humans.” You laugh a hollow empty sound, it’s unpleasant and makes his stomach twist.

“Must we have this conversation again? We’re talking in circles love, I have not done anything wrong….recently anyways.”

“Jungkook,” you start only to be startled by the appearance of Michael “Taehyung what brings you?”

“Pardon me my lord, I bring news of the human realm.” he says, shooting a glance at Jungkook.

“Tell me.”

“There are whispers of war, amongst the humans and the celestial realms.”

“War is common amongst humans, but higher beings have not been at war for millenia. What has changed?”

“Witnesses have said a serpent has whispered into the ears of many creating tensions between once peaceful beings.” Your gaze falls to Jungkook who sits quietly; his suit lacks any creases, crisp even as his brother delivers this sudden news. He lacks the surprise that one would usually witness when hearing this information.

“You did this.” you whisper resigned to the inevitable fact that he has stirred up trouble yet again but somehow this is worse than anything you could have imagined.

“I might’ve lost sight of the serpent who whispered in Eve’s ear some time ago, however I had no part in this. I am the king of hell, despite how the world sees me I do not relish in the useless spilling of blood human or otherwise.” He breathes picking lint off his sleeve, gaze meeting yours once more. His eyes are ablaze at the mere thought of war especially when he has something he wishes to protect whether you’d want to be protected or not. You and your daughter are his most precious treasures and if this war comes, he will surely die to make sure that the two of you are safe.

“Go to the general, prepare for war and make sure my daughter is safe at all costs.” you speak, and this version of you is the one Jungkook loves the most. The one who easily takes command of her domain, the one and only God.

“I’ll fight with you, I will always fight with you my love.” he reminds you, taking your hand once more, moving to kneel before you as he pledges his life to you again for all eternity in life or death he would be yours.

[saintheartwing]

The Promised Neverland, S2, Episode 9

So...the episode begins with Emma confronting Norman about how he clearly isn’t actually into his whole extinction plan. And she absolutely refuses to let him play God. Especially when he obviously doesn’t want to. He’s an arrogant coward, and its time for him to share the burden with his friends. 

Ray calls him out too and says that he’s choosing a path where he suffers alone and Norman says its far too late, but Emma holds out a hand and says “Let’s Grow Up Together”. Norman basically breaks down on the spot and drops his weapon and just starts sobbing into Emma’s shoulder, crying how he wants to live together with them. But he doesn’t have long to live...the drugs he took at Lambda hurt him bad. He hasn’t long to live...

Then we get some action...or at least the promise of it, a mutated demon races at them as Sonju shows up to try and save the kids whilst the old man demon’s still bleeding profusely. Sonju, nonchalantly, cuts his arm off. And wa wowwww, the animation for the demon swallowing that tossed arm is bad. Like...it’s clearly a chop job. Mouth open, mouth shut and a CHOMP sound. Nothing in between. Did they blow all the budget on the shitty demons from the forest? 

But anyway, it works. The mutated demon collapses and ta daaaaa. He’s back to normal. Mujika passes around her blood in a cup to a demon woman, explaining things’ll be fine. Just give it to everyone and you  needn’t worry.

The old man speaks up. Oh! You know the Evil-Blooded Girl, huh? She was alive all this time? And then-

OH FOR-

They REUSE shots from the LAST EPISODE to show off the crying demon kids and suffering families. Moving on. We cut to Barbara who’s having...issues. Her expression makes it clear she’s not doing so well. But then she sees a demon girl who’s...holding a demon baby. And the demon girl’s beginning to mutate. Barbara, you might remember...likes to kill and eat demons because turnabout is fair play. 

She’s got her big metal spiked baseball bat raised but then the demon girl curled up triggers a flashback to when SHE was in that exact position and saying the same sort of thing. She can’t do it. She can’t bring herself to kill the demon girl. And that’s when she has a breakdown. She’s having a seizure. Zazie looks like HE’S gonna finish the job, he leaps up to kill the girl but then Norman intervenes. 

He NARROWLY misses impaling the poor kid as the three turn to see Norman and Emma. He apologizes to the three and says that he was wrong. He’s suffering just like them. They’re surprised. They thought he was excluded from the testing. But nope. He lied to them to be the boss they needed and tried to stick to the cold path he’d been on before Emma stopped him for that same reason. He also wanted to develop a cure but...well, the people who might have been able to cure them are all dead at that facility so...they’re fucked, looks like.

Vincent is super furious. He yells angrily...while still having his mask on. Why? Why hasn’t he taken it off? Are they just cutting animation corners? Well, the other three just go along with it, they’re fine as long as the boss is okay with all this as Mujika and Sonju come by to explain they’ve put an end to the mutating. They’re gonna explain to the townsfolk how to keep from mutating anymore and how their blood works and it’ll be fine. 

Then as our heroes are returning back to their base, we find out, evidently, that our gang intercepted a transmission. The kids back at Grace Field like Phil are gonna be shipped out! Uh oh!

Buuuut...it’s not really true. See, Peter Ratri has come up with a plan. He explains to a demon in a private meeting with GRANDMA Isabelle that they figured out the radio from the shelter they raided was missing. The kids have been interceping their transmissions so they put out a fake transmission. They’ll have the kids think that all the kids are being shipped out. NATURALLY they’ll all rush back to save their dear friends...

And the Lambda Project? It’s all about boosting children’s brain power with high level drugs. So much so to the point that mass production farms might not even be really needed save for the common folk. 

We cut back to our pals, who are discussing the whole “being shipped out all at once” thing. Norman brings up the Lambda project, reasoning that they’re shipping the Grace Field kids out early to switch to Lambda. He thought destroying the original facility would have stopped it but evidently not. Naturally, our heroes HAVE to try and save them, even if it IS a trap! But the question is...how to get in? 

Well...Mujika and Sonju have shown up. They want to chip in. The Old Man and his granddaughter have come in too. His name is Vylk. He’s somebody who got her blood AAAGES ago and he survived all this time...and he’s got a gift for Emma.

A part of a pen. Yeah, one of THOSE pens, the special pens that will reveal hidden locations and the like that the kids have used before that show coordinates and all kinds of info. Vylk says he got that piece from a human who had collapsed and was dying in the forest. He was severely injured and soon to die, and he gave the pen piece to the old man demon. Who also ate him and shared the meat with his family. Doing this, however, made the old man feel guilty. It was the first time he had EVER seen a human outside of a jar or being dead and on a stick or the like. Realizing they had a will, they had real feelings like him made him disgusted with himself and with the concept of eating human meat. He was ashamed of himself for his inaction too, but was afraid that if he used the blood he had in him to “cure” the demons around of needing to eat meat, his family would be targeted and tracked down and killed the same way Mujika’s family was. 

Emma puts the pen piece in and...guess what? It’s the blueprint of the farm headquarters. It’s EVERYTHING they would conveniently need! Including where the gate to the human world is! AND on top of that...there’s a spot in the blueprints that shows off drugs...and this means maybe...they might be able to live after all. 

Vylk is about to leave but Norman tries to apologize first before he goes. But it’s Demon Emma who speaks up. She says she knows how horribly demons treated humans. She’s very sorry. Seeing this touches Norman and the others, and then grandpa says it’s time Emma and he be on their way.

“Emma?!” Ray and the others are surprised. Oh, wow, she’s got the same name as the demon kid, huh? Well, ain’t that a coinky-dink. UUGGGH. Not subtle at all. But I already brought this point up last time so...moving on. Off to Grace Field House!

Buuuuut...it isn’t that simple. Somebody’s calling up Grace Field to make a deal. SOMEONE IS A TRAITOR!

And it’s Vincent. 

Soooo yeaaah...not...it’s not good. This season’s really not good. Underwhelming to such a ludicrous degree. VERY Disappointing compared to what the manga gave us. I’m only still watching just to see how it could possibly end.

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas: Genetics Prodigy

Also on AO3!

TL;DR:  

Quirks might be the coolest thing ever, but they aren't magic, they're genetic. So what's to stop one very stubborn quirkless prodigy from working out how to give himself some?

Ok so! Tech Genius!Izuku AUs are a thing, right? I love them to bits but my problem is I know nothing about tech so I can't write them, but what I do know is biology!

Biology/Genetics prodigy Izuku giving himself quirks!

Stays friends with Katsuki (They have a rough patch but they work through it), not sure if I want Izuku to fiddle with Katsuki's quirk or not - not sure if I'll make the quirk limit 1 or 2, but I've always headcanoned you can give more quirks to someone born quirkless, so Izuku will end up with a few

So, after the dawn of quirks, a lot of, if not all, genetic research stopped. Sure, tech marched onwards, but genetics became an even bigger taboo than it was before. Izuku is a little genius, and this his massive interest in quirks when he's told he’s quirkless? It's more of a “how do I change this” than a “can I change this”

Izuku has always been the smartest person Katsuki knows. They have a rough patch at the beginning where Katsuki is trying to claw this one thing he's better at Izuku than over his head, to make himself ‘better’ than izuku

People have always called the quirkless worthless. If he’s less than a quirkless kid, what does that make him? Izuku eventually manages to drag it out of him and tells him about all the things people did before the dawn of quirks. Katsuki changes his mind to instead believing that everyone else is stupid for thinking quirks are everything and is now very vocal about that. (He still loves his quirk though, as does Izuku.)

His first real trial is a bit of a silly one: he cures Katsuki’s lactose intolerance. They were both salty they couldn’t share their icecream.

Collection of quirks:

Bakugo:

Explosion

Fire Manipulation

Midoriya:

Telekinesis

Heal

Forcefield

Jump

I want Izuku to give himself a quirk aged like, 8, with bakugo there for the ride as a lab hand, and I want them to realise with mounting horror what they've managed to do

bakugo turning to izuku and whispering "how many quirks would it take to beat - be as strong as - all might?" and izuku just shrugs because he hadn't thought about that but what he's done could start a new breed of bioweapons

he knows enough about the brain to see that more than 2 quirks in a quirked persons body, or more than 4 in someone born quirkless would be seriously damaging, but he's really scared about what could happen if he did go over that limit.

he won't, but he's curious, and he feels a little sick because of it

Nezu catches wind of this baby bio genius, one of the red flags is the only recent research done into quirks was actually from the lab nezu was kept in, so when he sees someone digging into that research he's ready to rain hell down upon them

then he sees an 8-year old that gave himself a quirk and he's like "oh. son."

oh he also totally has a little collection of lab rats that he spoils to bits - he's careful not to give them any quirks that would hurt them / cause an ethical issue. mostly they just have colour changing and glowing quirks, one of them can photosynthesize

he's a very good boy and his little rat children love him

So, when one is as hopelessly heroic as Izuku, it tends to be hard to avoid ‘accidentally’ using your quirk in public. When you have a heal quirk? It’s basically impossible.

Healing quirks actually have a special provision under the vigilantism act, along with exemptions due to age, but when Izuku gets caught, the police don’t tell him that. They honestly just want to try and scare the kid straight because it was a ‘miracle’ (forcefield) that he didn’t get hit by the falling rubble.

So Naomasa is brought in, as usual for the Mustutafu area, and asks the basic questions: name, age, quirk. Izuku, being a genius but still like 8 and scared he's going to jail lies for the first two questions, and he doesn’t lie very well because the poor kid is chronically honest.

‘Um, my name is – Tsubasa! Yeah!.” “I’m 10!”

But the last question throws Naomasa for a loop. “What’s your quirk?” “I was born quirkless, I’ve got the x-ray to prove it.”

That wasn’t a lie. But he visibly used a quirk, they saw it happen. And Naomasa suddenly gets a terrible feeling, because there is only one person he knows that can take someone from quirkless to quirked.

“So you don’t have any quirk?” “No sir.” A lie. Fuck. He lets Izuku go because, despite the horror of a child caught in AFO’s clutches, he might be the most valuable lead they’ve ever had. So they keep an eye on him.

It doesn’t take long to see him using more than one quirk. The kid is creative and isn’t bad at disguising them as the same quirk, but using a forcefield to shield you and your friend from rain is visibly different from telekinetically doing the same, if you know what you’re looking for. And boy do Naomasa and All Might know what they’re looking for.

Their second heart attack comes from an absent “So have you been practising with flame manipulation?” “Of course, dipshit, I’m not lazy. We’ve gotta practise to become heroes, don’t we?” “I know, Kacchan! I’m just excited!”

They keep freaking out about it until they bring in Nezu. It takes him a week or so, but he quickly finds out whats going on. “So, I’m not sure if this is what you wanted to hear but: It’s not All for One,” general sighs of relief “But the child has worked out how to synthesize quirks.” PANICKED NOISES

I feel like izuku is def. the first to make a quirk suppressant chemical, which really interests overhaul. Unfortunately, so i assume he can counter than with something that could just speed up the metabolism to flush another chemical out and because aizawa's quirk binds to the quirk factor, he could just give himself a quirk that has a different biological mechanism - confusing the fuck out of everyone involved

Timeline of Izuku’s shenanigans

Katsuki: lactose intolerance cured, proof of concept – age 6

A very nice rat: Attraction of small objects, yes the rat used it and yes it was amazing because other rats counted as small objects – age 7

Izuku: Attraction of small objects – age 8 (Inko’s quirk)

Katsuki: Flame control, a portion of Hisashi’s quirk from Izuku’s genes – age 8

Izuku: Jump, from a detailed study about a quirked rabbit – age 8 (late)

Another very nice rat: given the ability to live to 10 years old. His name is Hermes – age 9

Izuku: Starts a medical degree – age 10

Izuku: Forcefield, partly from a study of a weak forcefield quirk from the beginning of quirks when genetic studies were less taboo, combined with some promoter sequences from Katsuki’s quirk – age 10

Izuku: Heal, something he’d been working on since the beginning, created without reference for a similar quirk, his masterpiece – age 13 (This quirk is not tied to the quirk factor and therefore can not be stopped by erasure or the quirk erasing bullets.)

Izuku: Finishes the medical degree – age 14

Katsuki tries to get him to write Dr. Midoriya on his application to UA but he refuses, sadly. Not that it matters, Nezu recognises the last name from some of the only quirk research since the lab he was kept in was shut down. He’s very interested about one of the boy’s earliest papers; a case study about a quirkless boy born to 2 4th generation quirked parents, and the conclusion he drew: it wasn’t possible. It doesn’t take a genius to work out the quirkless kid was Izuku himself.

Izuku and Katsuki walk to UA together, Uraraka still saves him from tripping, Katsuki was just laughing at his suffering. Izuku’s a little less awkward in this AU and actually manages to thank her. They all enter the hall together.

Izuku never exactly kicked him mumbling habit, Iida still tells him off. Katsuki is trying to fight the urge to fly down there and kick his ass. Not that they can see, but Uraraka is also glaring at Iida for being rude to the nice boy.

Iida tries to stop Izuku from saying hi to Uraraka but she blows straight past him, loudly thanking Izuku for stopping to say hi. She’s glaring at Iida, Izuku is blissfully ignorant of that. Iida feels like he's offended the wrong person.

The exam starts, Izuku jumps straight into the middle of the exam. His legs hurt but he's totally clear of the other test takers. He starts kicking butt. He yanks wires from ports, tears screws from joints, punches robots with forcefield protected fists, etc. He gets maybe 30 points like this.

All around him he can see people in danger, he throws up countless forcefields to protect his fellow test takers. The judges are impressed with the versatility of the quirk, All Might, even though he knows Izuku isn’t connected to AFO, is having a slight breakdown. Nezu is incredibly impressed. Izuku is flagging though, his forcefield quirk takes some serious energy when he doesn’t have much to spare.

The zero pointer is released. Uraraka is pinned, and, unlike canon, she isn’t unscathed. Her ankle is snapped under the rubble, her ribs are badly bruised. Izuku sees this happen and he just moves. He doesn’t trust his forcefield to hold enough weight, so he goes the other direction: brute force. Using his jump quirk, he rockets into the air, landing a solid, quirk enhanced kick to the face of the robot. As it teeters, he uses attraction of small objects on as many individual points as he can, flying over the back of the robots head. He lands with an impact that jars his teeth, just as the robot starts to tip backwards. He makes it to safety with seconds to spare.

He’s exhausted, so far into quirk exhaustion it isn’t funny, but he’s not done yet. He stumbles to Uraraka helps her lift the bolder off her broken ankle, and heals it. He collapses just as the test finishes, Uraraka catching him and keeping him safe from the last few bits of falling rubble. She’s so thrown by her healed ankle.

Recovery girl comes over, checking on Uraraka. She saw the injury on the cameras and felt bad for the poor girl, but when she gets over there’s nothing. Sure, there’s some blood, but under it all there isn’t even a single cut. Uraraka begs her to help the boy in her arms and she thinks she might know why. The boy looks half dead, likely quirk exhaustion. Still, she didn’t know anyone with a healing quirk was applying, normally Nezu would have told her.

[valkavavaart]

hi im bored so im doing an oc thing

i decided i wannan do this w multiple soooo im going wwww ophelia, alice, and beatrice thats all bye

1. how easy is it to make them angry? do they show their anger or hide it?

ophelia - it's kinda easy to get under her skin, and she holds a grudge so if u piss her off then she won't forget it. but also she doesn't really ACT on grudges, she'll just be a little rude next time u talk to her. she doesnt really show much emotion but does kind of having a permanent :| or >:| on her face, so she'll look annoyed even if she isn't...

beatrice - generally just being rude or annoying will make her mad, but she gets over things within seconds and doesn't take people all that seriously to begin with, so it's not like pissing her off will do much. she'll be like pouty and tell u to knock it off, but she also doesnt rlly care

alice - it's difficult to make alice mad. like you have to be SO annoying or hurt him in such a drastic way for him to get pissed. usually when hes mad hes still all smiley and happy tho so he'd kinda just be >:)

2. do they believe in soulmates

ophelia - she believes in them in the sense that one person may have multiple people that can come into their lives and be considered a soulmate bc nothing is permanent and blah blah blah she doesnt rlly care tho

beatrice - she doesn't believe in soulmates but enjoys soulmate au fanfiction

alice - he definitely believes in soulmates and fate drawing people together, but is conistantly disappointed when he finds out people he like arent destined to stay with him

3. do they have any pet peeves?

ophelia - people with no concept of personal space (unless theyre like merrick or one of her close friends)

beatrice - ppl who eat w their mouth open

alice - the sound of violins

4. do they have a happy place? somewhere they go in their heads when they need to relax?

ophelia - oph just goes to the library man

beatrice - she doesnt need one bc shes always vibing

alice - when the man needs to relax hes either drunk as hell or hanging out with as many friends as he can get together, spending time alone with his thoughts is literally a nightmare for alice

5. at what stage of their life were they the happiest?

ophelia - the current stage of her life

beatrice - there hasnt been a stage where beatrice hasnt had fun :) she doesnt have anything to worry about!

alice - the current stage of his life

6. at what stage of their life were they the least happy

ophelia - the ages of 12-17

alice - any time he gets to the point in a relationship where he breaks up w someone and then he goes into "my life sucks wahhhh" mode for a few months

7. at a bar are they more likely to buy someone a drink, or have someone buy them a drink?

ophelia & beatrice - have someone else buy them a drink

alice - buy someone a drink

8. have they ever broken any bones? if yes, how?

ophelia - when her powers manifested at the age of 12, oph lost the ability to feel physical pain which lead to her straining herself more. she'd get into accidents or push herself too hard because she couldn't feel that it hurt and wold get injured through that (and she still does, but she has more knowledge of her limits now) so i guess she wouldve broken some bones through stuff thanks to that.

beatrice - never ever broken a bone!! she drinks a lot of milk to keep her bones STURDY :)

alice - has broken like his arm or fingers or just anything in that area due to a fight or something. he'll probably have broken a leg at some point too. again, probably in a fight. or maybe he fell out a tree. who knows.

9. do they have any memories/experiences they'd rather forget?

ophelia - she generally wants to brush most of her teen years away and forget things relating to her family, but also cant bring herself to hate them despite how garbage they are, so,

beatrice - there are probably a few conversations she's had with alice and percy that she's like to never remember ever again

alice - he cherishes all his memories, good or bad! he always thinks that he can learn from his mistakes and hardships! even though all he does is repeat the exact same things over and over and o

10. what is their favourite memory from their childhood?

ophelia - although her parents have always been cold to her, they used to go camping when she was about 9-10ish, and she always enjoyed spending time with her siblings around then.

beatrice - in the method she had been created she technically never was a child um. but in her early life, she enjoyed hanging out with levi! :D

alice - haha

11. do they have a "type" that they are usually attracted to?

ophelia - no

beatrice - bea will generally befriend anyone if theyre cute or theyre like her guy friends. as for a partner, she wants someone thats at LEAST a head taller than her normal form (her regular form is 5'5"), they need to be someone that likes hugs, someone who would coddle her, someone who would cosplay with/for her, someone who would buy her things..

alice - his "type" is just "someone interesting", but he thinks all people are interesting in their own right- you have to be SUUUUUUPER boring for him to not be into you in some way.

12. do they have any favourite possessions?

ophelia - ALL her alien plushies (most of which were gifts from merrick)

beatrice - everything inside her wardrobe

alice - cleaver

13. do they have any tattoos? if no, would they ever consider getting one?

ophelia - she doesn't have any, and doesn't really want one, but she's seen some real cool space ones, and--

beatrice - tattoos vanish when she changes her form unless she focuses REALLY hard on keeping it there, so she's given up on trying to get one to be permanent.

alice - he doesn't have any, but thinks that getting a sleeve would be cool. he doesn't have any idea for what he wants, though, so he hasn't bothered getting one. he also gets worried that if he gets one of his current aesthetic, he'll get bored of it and have to do something drastic to remove it.

14. do they have any piercings? if no, would they ever consider getting any?

ophelia - has her ears pierced

beatrice - doesn't want piercings, wears clip-on earrings

alice - wants a tongue piercing r belly-button piercing maybe.. and ear piercing might also be cool...

15. what is their dream house like?

ophelia - she'd like to live in a small town on the coast or something.. she doesn't really mind living in a small house since it'd just be her and merrick. but also if she had a house with an observatory, she'd love that a LOT. generally just wants somewhere nice and laid back.

beatrice - due to her void realm taking the form of whatever she wants, she has her dream home! it's literally just an apartment with a few rooms, but it has enough space for all the stuff she wants.

alice - he's in a similar position to Beatrice in that he already has his own dream place bc teehee void realm. He's a little more selfish in that he gave himself a big house with lots of space and rooms for him to fill with stuff- but also he wanted somewhere big so that all his friends could stay with him :)

16. what is something about them that people would not expect just by looking at them?

ophelia - UHHH just how lazy she is, probably.. woman barely tolerates having to jog somewhere please let her sit down

beatrice - idk probably the fact she befriends murder boys like alice

alice - all the music he listens to is like crazy frog and caramelldansen

17. how good are they at choosing gifts for others?

ophelia - she'll either just outright ask you what you want, or she'll give you money or a gift card, she doesn't like having to guess for people

beatrice - she literally picks gifts for other people based on what SHE likes.. like she'll get u something cause she tinks it's cute it doesn't matter if u've ever mentioned it before

alice - if ur his friend then he will have a list of all ur interests in the back of his brain at all times and does a pretty good job picking out gifts thanks to that

18. do they have a certain skill that they're particularly proud of?

ophelia - she's very good at researching things and digging up information that a lot of people can't find so she thinks that's kind of epic for her

beatrice - she's good at dancing, video games, and memorizing things. she will show off these skills as much as she can.

alice - umm... eyeball removal...?

19. how would a stranger they just met describe them?

ophelia - UHHHH... she's just polite to strangers so i think she'd be described as just that?? she doesnt really leave lasting impressions on people

beatrice - cute, bubbly, maybe super annoying

alice - friendly? :D

20. how would a close friend they've known for a long time describe them?

ophelia - kinda stupid but really cute

beatrice - just a lil ray of sunshine :)

alice - if you're asking like.. kai or beatrice then it's "he's cute and fun and pretty and nice to hang out with!!" but if youre asking like percy or nero then its "hes creepy and gross and im gonna beat his ass"

[my-whumpy-little-heart]

💥🌸🔮💛 for Floyd Ray and Llyr! C:

Ah thank you Marti!!

💥 Are there any emotions your OC doesn’t know how to deal with, doesn’t understand or hates having to feel? Any reason behind this?

Floyd: already answered this with him and it was quite lengthy so linking the post with it right here!

Ray: Alright let’s do this. Ray does Not like to deal with sadness, and especially not grief. Anything that will impact him and cause prolonged sorrow is something he will desperately want to block out because those feelings feel Awful. Being the workaholic he is, this is usually trying to work through those feelings while doing anything he possibly can around the ship. In some more extreme situations, this spreads to roping in the rest of the crew with him, assigning more work and trying to keep everyone occupied so he doesn’t have the time to break down. 

Reasons behind it? I’m actually not sure. There’s definitely something there about why Ray is so insistent on keeping things upbeat and morale high most of the time but, I’ll be honest, he hasn’t revealed a whole lot about his backstory to me yet. I don’t know much of where he came from and what led him into piracy, but I do know a lot about who he is right now.

Llyr: Oh Llyr hates the feeling of humiliation or inferiority. A lot of his time in his story has been spent desperately trying to avoid that but, uh, yeah that hasn’t quite worked out despite what he likes to think. So he’s been miserable and rightfully so. 

The entire concept of him turning to his human form for the first time and immediately this species he’s considered inferior to himself for so long has power over and has to take care of him is. So overwhelming and such an unbearable feeling for him.

The only reason behind it is he was just raised like this. His parents were very against humans, having only had and heard of bad experiences with the species and decided using their human form was just a waste of time and energy when they could have a perfectly happy life living in the sea. They thought very highly of themselves and their family/species and taught that arrogance to their children.

cut because this got Real Hecking Long sorry my dudes

🌸 What’s a sentence that would make your OC’s day better? One that would make them laugh? One that would make their day worse? Why? What words would you have to say to them to completely ruin their day?

Ooooh okay this one’s gonna take some thought.

Floyd:

Make his day: “Need a hug?” or, alternatively but only from Ray, “Wanna cuddle?”

Make him laugh: *merciless tickling* or one of Ray’s puns might get a chuckle out of him. It’s gotta be a new one, though, he won’t take any of that recycling jokes bs.

Worsen his day: “What’s wrong with you?!” or “Why don’t you tell us anything?”

Ruin his day entire life: “I never liked you to begin with. It was all just pretend, moron, can’t you understand that?” or, if you prefer whumper feels, “Good morning, Benedict.” or Anything involving his first name really.

Ray: 

Make his day: “Thank you.” is usually a safe bet, or “I love you.” from the right people.

Make him laugh: any opportunity to tell a bad joke will make him giggle and everyone else groan in advance :3. for example...

The crew is going fishing and at some point someone speaks up, talking about something they saw in town.

“We might need to set sail again soon. Saw some suspicious behavior earlier and I don’t think we want to be part of that.”

Ray hears this and instead of considering the implications of those words, starts to giggle uncontrollably. Heads turn his way with inquisitive looks, and some of them soon fall into despair as they realize what’s about to happen.

“Oh, so, you’d say...” Ray trails off into silence. Everyone’s sweating nervously, waiting to get the punchline over with. The air is thick with tension. “...it’s pretty fishy around here?” A collective groan escapes everyone, but one or two people nod their approval and laugh a bit. The pun sympathizers have a special place in Ray’s heart. Mabel turns to look at him.

“Ray... please...”

“What?” he asks, grabbing the woven ropes they’ve been using to catch fish. “Are you saying that’s net what you wanted to hear?”

“No, it.. I’m...” Confusion And Concern Intensifies

“Come on, no trout these are the best jokes you’ve ever heard. There’s nothing to be scaled of!”

Mabel.exe has stopped working.

Worsen his day: “Ray, I found another problem with the ship--”

Ruin his day: *heard from afar* “Walk, Benedict, we don’t have all day,” followed by the clinking sound of a leash being pulled taut and a strangled yelp. (though, thinking harder into it, this could also make his day. hmn, we’re getting into spoiler territory so I think I’ll leave this up to imagination)

Llyr:

Make his day: “You’re free to go,” would be a nice one right about now.

Make him laugh: “You trust me, don’t you?” might get a small chuckle if said by a human, depending on his mood.

Worsen his day: “Kneel, brat.”

Ruin his day: “I know you’re a selkie.”

🔮What does your OC think is their best trait. What is actually their best trait? What about their flaws? Are they one to admit these flaws or do they like to pretend they’re perfect?

Floyd: Oh hmmm,,, for Floyd this is definitely a complicated one. I think he would eventually settle on his general ability to help others. His most prominent duty on the ship is often more social or medical matters, considering he isn’t especially strong. Like yeah he can do pretty hard physical labor, but not as well as some others. Braining things are more his groove, thinking stuff through and all that.

His actual best trait? Well he’s not as far off as I thought he’d be. His compassion is one of the best and most defining parts of him. It’s not really as much of sympathizing with people as it is just understanding people. He thinks people through well, often good at seeing what someone is like after watching their movements and expression after years of developing that skill for survival. Finding out what will please versus anger them can help him greatly. 

Floyd has a hard time deciphering Percival. He’s just a mess and that makes it really hard to find things the man wants. Well, other than what he asks of Floyd. And doing magic just to get hurt really isn’t his cup of tea most of the time so it’s a bit of a struggle huh.

Ray: Ray definitely thinks of his own compassion as his strongest trait. He tries his best to be understanding and kind, encouraging an atmosphere of love and positivity and offering his help to anyone who may need it. However, this is very prone to get him into trouble and comes in as a flaw just as often as it is positive. He has more of a emotion based compassion than Floyd’s logical thinking based compassion, and even though it allows him to be open with people and vulnerable when he needs it, it isn’t always good.

No, Ray’s greatest trait is his unwavering determination. He is the embodiment of Not A Quitter, and even if it may look as if he’s tossing in the towel and giving up, give it an hour or two and he’ll be back on his feet and trying to push himself too far and put himself in harm’s way all over again. Though this can also be very unhealthy and manifest in worse ways for him, it stands as his best trait to me because it’s so often positive and is the main reason he can effectively lead his crew. He has so much faith in all of them and in himself and that doesn’t give them much room to doubt his abilities.

Llyr: Ahhhhmmm okay. Llyr. He doesn’t have a whole lot of best traits huh. Well. He is resilient. I’ll give him that. He does a good job of hating on mankind through all the hurt he’s already going through. Because yes you’re still Very superior to these people easily dominating and hurting your dumb ass, buddy. Sounds About Right Huh. Listen we are just in a Salty About Llyr mood tonight because he’s. So spiteful. And as much as I love him for it, I’m also sitting here like “........you petty little bitch.” so hm I think that’s all the brain machine is gonna give for this question in particular.

💛 What is your personal opinion of this OC? Do you love them or are they your trash child? Are they your baby?

This was asked last and I’m answering it first because I’m laughing so hard I love this question.

Floyd: Ohhh Floyd is so babie,,, I feel so bad for him because the more I think about him and his character, the more awful stuff I realize he’s been through. And he’s the one still around here getting hurt, in Persistence at least. I love him and he’s wonderful.

Ray: Y’all, I’m love Ray so, so much. He’s really grown on me and considering what I have planned for him in both stories he’s in, he really do be in for it now but I’m so excited to see him deal with these struggles and overcome them. He’s so protective and headstrong at times and I love him so much for it.

Llyr: INDEED THE TRASH CHILD OF THE FAMILY!! HE’S SUCH A STUCK UP, EGOCENTRIC BRAT AND YET HE IS MY CHILD AND I’M ROOTING FOR HIM TO BE LESS OF A JERK EVEN THOUGH HE’S NOT COOPERATING WITH THAT. 

[hymn2000]

Chiquitita - MCU AU fanfic - C19

Story summary: Something strange is happening. Someone from space has made their way to Earth, armed with a strange weapon. Targeting teenagers, their ray gun, when fired, turns the victim into a toddler. The Avengers set out to stop this, and find a way to reverse the effects. However, they don’t all come out of the battle unscathed.

Previous chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18

Part of my Frostiron and Spiderson series.

Warnings/themes: de-aging, family stuff, corporal punishment (early chapters only), mental health stuff, hurt/comfort, hospital/medical stuff

 Content warning: this chapter follows strong themes by way of discussion about death and bereavement, including mentions of child and infant death. If you want to skip this chapter and want a summary of important points in it, please comment and I'll be happy to give you an overview

Chapter 19 - Memories, Good Days, Bad Days

-

Bruce stepped up and offered to look after Peter on Thursday so Loki and Tony could go out. It was the seventh of the month, and Bruce knew there was always an unavoidable commitment on that day.

Tony grabbed Loki’s hand just inside the cemetery gates.

“I’m not ready”

Loki looked at him. “Ok. Do you want to have a little walk round first?”

Tony nodded, keeping tight hold of Loki. “Can you take the flowers?”

“Of course” 

Loki took the bouquet from him, balancing it against his free arm. Loki squeezed Tony’s hand reassuringly, starting down the adjacent path. They walked for some time, before turning down one row of graves. There were lots of black marble kerb headstones filled with coloured glass pebbles and personalised memorials. Many of them had cards and flowers and plaques and statues and candles. Some had bottles of beer balanced on their edges, obviously something the deceased had been a fan of. Many of them showed the persons interests in life;- television programmes, songs, hobbies, and the like. Many of the mens ones had football team logos and colours on them. Almost all of them had photos of the person included. They were big, shrine-like monuments, and they were beautiful. 

Tony held Loki’s hand tight as they walked down the rows. They later stopped in front of one of the graves. Blue pebbles. Little statues of Disney characters. A framed poem about daughters. 

“She was only eight” 

“Does it make you wonder what happened?”

Tony nodded. “These people are all so young. I think a lot of them, those teenagers, it could have been traffic accidents or something... Illnesses, maybe. This little girl... Maybe she was sick”

“We’ll never know, unless it explicitly states. But it’s not our place to know” Loki looked at the picture of the little girl printed onto the headstone. “Aside from that stillborn, I think this is the youngest out of these ones”

“One of them was six” Tony said. He swallowed hard. “These are nice, aren’t they? They’re so personal. You can tell how much all these people were loved”

“Is it bad, do you think, that I like looking at them?”

“No” Tony shook his head. “I do too, in a way. It’s peaceful, and it’s interesting. Just... it’s horrible, isn’t it? Loss”

Loki’s mouth twitched. He started to walk again, so Tony did too. They were slow, taking their time, reading everything, looking at everything. Tony stopped again, in front of a grave for a young baby. 

“Three months old” he said. “There’s a baby and child cemetery here, isn’t there? Why are some of them over here?”

“I suppose it’s up to the family where they want them buried” Loki said. “Maybe it’s easier for them, having them separate from everyone else’s lost little ones”

Tony looked up, and Loki did too. In the near distance, they could see the start of that section of the cemetery. They could see the first few headstones, one of them clearly shaped like a teddy bear, and age balloons visible flying above.

“Do you want to go over?”

“Oh Tony, I can’t” Loki said. “Even just looking from over here breaks my heart. I hate that that bit even has to exist”

Tony leant his head against Loki’s shoulder. “I’ve imagined this twice”

“Imagined what?”

“Coming here for... someone else”

Loki stayed quiet.

“The night of the accident, it went through my head. Until we saw him. And again that night he had that building site accident, and he had a reaction to those antibiotics, and his heart stopped”

“Don’t” Loki said. “Seriously, don’t. Even if it’s just a concept come to light from fear, I can’t bear to hear it. It makes it feel like a very real possibility and I just can’t torture myself like that. Not over our son”

“I’m sorry. It’s just... My mind is absolutely racing right now. I don’t even really know why”

Loki sighed and squeezed his hand. “It’s just like that sometimes. We’ve had a tough few weeks too”

“Loki... You’ve seen babies die before. How do you cope with it? Do you remember them all, or does it all kinda merge together?”

“Jo Jo and I have a book” Loki said. “It’s a blue marbled notebook with a stork carved into the cover. He writes in blue, and I write in green. We’ve got the names of every baby we’ve lost in there. We write their name, or their family name if they didn’t have one, and we write the dates and the times. We write about what happened and how we felt about it. We get it out of our systems as quickly as possible. It’s easier to get out the emotional side of it before we have to do the official reports... I haven’t lost anywhere near as many as I’ve seen delivered. The NICU nurses aren’t so lucky”

“When we have our baby, do you think you’ll quit?”

Loki paused for a moment, looking down at the teddies and toys on the babies grave. 

“...No, I don’t think so. If I could go back to work there after my long hospital stay, and after losing May, and after all the times Peter’s ended up in A&E, I don’t think having our baby is going to make me give it up” he said. “I think I’ll carry on regardless” 

Tony swallowed. “I like Oliver”

“Hm?”

“For a boy” Tony said. “Oliver for a boy. Oliver Stark”

“What about a girl?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t thought of anything for a girl yet”

“What about May?”

Tony went quiet for a moment. “I don’t think Peter would like it. Not as a first name. Maybe as a middle name. Something May Stark”

“Princess”

“What?”

“Princess” Loki repeated. “I had a dream... We thought we’d decided on a shortlist of names, but then the baby was born and she was just too perfect for any of them. We were cradling her in our arms and we were talking to her, calling her our little princess, and we looked at each other, and we just knew...”

“Princess...” Tony said. “Princess May Stark. Or Oliver Stark. Oliver Loki Stark?”

“I think we may need to brainstorm that one a little further” Loki said softly, but he was touched.

“I think it’d be nice to name him after you. I think we should name the baby after someone, anyway”

“And here I was, thinking we had said that we were going to wait until conception before thinking up baby names”

“We also originally said we’d wait until the new year before asking Peter if we could adopt him, and we barely lasted a fortnight before we cracked on that one”

Loki smiled at him. “Ah, you’re right there. So. Princess May Stark, or Oliver Stark. Loki, Tony, Peter, and Princess”

“Or Loki, Tony, Peter, and Oliver” Tony raised Loki’s hand to his mouth and kissed it. He took a deep breath. “I think I’m ready now”

Loki nodded “I think I am too”

-

They looked down at the grave. The headstone was still pretty as ever; black marble with gold lettering, chosen by Peter. But after seeing all of the kerbed memorials, it looked almost plain. The grave was still covered in flowers and candles and trinkets - Loki and Tony knew they weren’t the only people who still visited regularly - but underneath all of that, it was just a mound of grass. Loki took the flowers in his arms from the cellophane and set them in the grave flower vases. He stood up again, taking Tony’s hand once more. 

-

It felt strange, being there on the seventh without Peter. All three of them visited often, sometimes alone, sometimes together, whenever they felt they should or whenever they felt they needed or wanted to. Peter always brought flowers. Tony often wrote a letter and, when visiting alone, would sit and read it out loud. Loki often went empty-handed, but he’d sit on the path at the foot of the grave, talking, and imagining that maybe she was somewhere out there, watching and talking back to him. Sometimes he felt like he could hear her voice and sense her presence. He just wasn’t sure if it was his imagination or not.

But the seventh, that was the day the three of them always went together. They all dressed smartly, they bought an expensive bouquet from the florist Peter favoured, and they went down to visit May’s resting place together. Peter had struggled considerably at the start. He’d start to get funny around the fourth or fifth of the month, and he’d often have some sort of fit or tantrum on the sixth before going all funny and shaky and whiny on the morning of the seventh. 

For a long time he’d hated it. He still went, and he wouldn’t miss it for anything. But every time the seventh popped up on the calendar, he felt sick. Even now, when things were less of a hardship and more of a routine, his mind was thrown back to that fateful day where he’d woken up at the Stark’s, checked his phone and seen it was the seventh of January. He hated thinking of that day, which had started so nice and normal and ended with his entire world crashing down around him. He hated the feeling that he could have done more. He hated remembering being told. He hated hating; remembering how much he hated the look of his room when he got to the Stark’s that night, how he hated the feeling of having lost everything, how he hated feeling so unbearably sick, how he found himself hating himself, hating the world, hating it all. 

A lot of the time he could avoid delving back into the day completely, but not always. But he was lucky, because his parents went through the same loss, and they knew how hard it was for him. They never made him feel bad for struggling.

-

“She deserves better than this” Tony said after a long silence.

“She never should have died”

“I don’t just mean that” Tony said. “We can’t do anything about that. I mean... I want to update this”

“Update it?”

“The grave. All those ones we just looked at are so beautiful and special and lovely. We never really looked into it properly. We should give her one of those. Give her something more than a headstone and grass. We should look into it properly, get it done. Give her a memorial just as special and lovely as she was”

Loki looked at Tony, at the tears in his eyes and the quivering of his lip. Tony kept his eyes on the grave a few moments more, and the turned and threw his arms round Loki, and he started to sob. He didn’t say anything;- he didn’t need to. Loki held Tony tight and closed his eyes, and it was only a matter of seconds before he broke down too. All of it still felt so raw sometimes. Whenever they visited, they wondered what she’d think. What would she think now, when Peter had been turned into a toddler? What would she think if she could see them? Would she be able to tell that they’d been doing their absolute best by him, ever since that night May had been marked DOA? They liked to think she knew. She always left Peter with them if she was going away or something was happening which meant she couldn’t look after him. She even gave them a type of custody agreement, for goodness sake; every Wednesday and every second weekend. They were all happy with that. They knew where they stood. So of course she knew they’d take the best possible care of him, no matter what. She trusted them. She’d be proud of how far Peter had come. She’d be relieved that he was being looked after by people who loved him more than anything else in the world. 

But sometimes, at times like this, none of that reassuring knowledge mattered. Sometimes, all they wanted was to be able to pick up the phone and talk to her. They didn’t always miss her quite so painfully, but the loss was still felt at the back of their minds. On days like today, they just wanted to hug her again. They wanted to hold her and laugh with her and argue over what they were going to do together that day. They’d been such brilliantly close friends (and a little more besides), and that was a hard thing to say goodbye to.

“Why does it hurt more when we’re going through stuff?”

“Because she was always at the other end of the phone to help us through it before” Loki said. “Because she was part of our family”

“I felt so bad for throwing up when I identified the body. All the staff were so nice, saying it wasn’t uncommon, moving me away and getting me a drink and talking to me like they completely understood...” Tony let go of Loki, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. “Peter wanted to see her. Do you remember him shouting and begging and pleading with us, saying he needed to see her? He was absolutely beside himself. He near enough screamed the house down when we said no”

“It would have absolutely killed him” Loki said. “Tony, I don’t know, what you saw that night at the hospital, but considering I know her injuries were incompatible with life, I don’t want to know. But I saw her at the funeral home, after she’d been cleaned and made up and looked after and- and prepared, and I absolutely could not deal with seeing her lying there, looking like herself but knowing she wasn’t really there, and you know that. If I was affected by it the way I was, imagine what it would have done to that little boy”

“I had to say no” Tony said. “I’d seen her at the hospital. I didn’t know they could do so much to make her look... Well. Like she was just sleeping. But even if I had known, I still wouldn’t’ve let him go”

“He said to me once that he was glad we hadn’t let him” Loki said. “Quite a while after everything, he said he didn’t think he would have been able to deal with it. He’s not sore about us saying no. He thanks us, in a way”

“He... He absolutely fell apart that year and we just watched. We watched him break, and we did so much wrong. We shouted at him. We sent him to school way too early and we know how that ended. We didn’t address the PTSD until he was at St Hendrick’s. We should’ve forced him into counselling straight away”

“We were grieving, Tony. We were trying to deal with our own grief while also suddenly having him full time, and while trying to juggle the rest of our lives too. We didn’t know how best to deal with his trauma, and losing May was definitely at the forefront of our minds. Neither of us were in a position to turn around and decide that what was wrong with Peter was more than grief, and we certainly wouldn’t have known what to do about it then either”

“He stopped speaking. I got cross at him for that for such a long time. I made him cry at work events because of the way I spoke to him and refused to understand the condition when he couldn’t talk to people. I shouldn’t’ve taken him to work events anyway; he was far too fragile”

“Maybe” Loki said. “We’re both at fault, but we did the best we could under the circumstances. I made mistakes too. The way I treated him when I found out he’d been skiving from that first school, that wasn’t great, especially when we found out why he’d done it. The way I treated him that day he ran away to the airport and tried to go to England was even worse. I talked to him about it months later and he said he’d never been so scared of me before or since. He said it was like I’d turned into a completely different person, someone he didn’t know. He said he thought I was going to injure him... And then there’s my sabbatical. I went for the right reasons, but I should have told you first, and I shouldn’t have walked out and left him alone in the house the way I did”

“Those few months while you were away were some of the hardest in my life. I did things I regretted in that time too” Tony swallowed hard. “That year was horrendous for all of us. We all did stupid, reckless things, and we all hurt each other and made some pretty catastrophic errors. But we got through it, didn’t we? We made amends. We forgave each other and we got help and we’ve worked through it. But, you know, despite all of that, we always had something going for us, didn’t we?”

“And what was that?”

“We always loved each other. We didn’t always like each other, but we always loved each other”

Loki put an arm round Tony’s shoulders. They looked at May’s grave, and drops of water started falling from the sky. At first it was just spitting, but it soon came down heavily. They listened to the sound of the rain against the pavement and the leaves of the trees. They listened to the thunder that began to rumble above them. They swallowed, and rested their heads together.

“We have a son, who can and will crawl into our beds when he’s scared during the night. He’ll climb onto our laps for a cuddle when he’s sad. He’ll come crying to us when something bad happens, and he’ll tell us all about it. Our son trusts us, and he loves us, and he knows that we love him too” Loki said. “He knows we’re not perfect, but I think, like us, he knows that all of our triumphs have far outweighed our mistakes. I know we’ve been through a lot together, but when you take those away, we’re happy. All of us. We’re a happy family. Despite everything”

“...A couple of months ago he came into the study. You know he’s not a fan of the study”

“He says the dark wood makes him feel unnerved”

“Right. Well, he came into the study, and he was all teary-eyed. And I was like, what’s the matter, darling? And he came and crawled onto my lap and cuddled into me and said, he said he wasn’t crying because he was sad. He said he was crying because he was happy. And I asked him why, and he said; ‘because you’re my dad’” 

Loki took a deep, shaky breath. “He’s not what we’re going home to”

“I know” Tony closed his eyes for a moment. “We’ve got a toddler to go home to. He won’t be a toddler forever though. Your brother’s gonna make sure that reversal gun gets sorted”

“He’s a sweet little toddler. He’s so cute and lovely and funny and happy. I really do love him, Tony”

“I do too. He’s brilliant, but... We adopted a teenager”

“It’s going to be hard letting little Peter go”

“We’ll get normal Peter back. The Peter he’s supposed to be: big Peter, teenage Peter” Tony said. “We’ll get him back... We’ll still remember little Peter, though. We’ve got the memories, and the pictures”

“And all of his things”

Tony put an arm round Loki’s waist. “May would laugh at us. Especially me. She’d say surely the great Tony ‘Iron Man’ Stark could deal with watching Spongebob and making up juice bottles for a few weeks”

“The school rang me on Monday” Loki said.

“Yeah?”

“They know what’s going on, obviously. They said they’re happy to offer Peter a place in the nursery at their sister school while he’s a toddler”

“Oh” Tony said. “What did you say?”

“I said thank you, but we’re not interested”

Tony held him tighter. “Good”

*

[grumpygayming]

So obviously you should do those questions for matt and wren bc you wnt to so once you get time you should do it

You & I are on the same page lmao, I was gonna answer these whether asked or not tbh. SO thank you for sending this & giving me an excuse to post them 😂🤗Are they physically affectionate?  Matt: Very much so, he loves little contact like hand holding or brushing their arms together while they’re out. And when his boyfriend drives he always puts his hand on his thigh, just because.Wren: The clingiest lil shit alive. He’s always hugging his partner from behind while they’re doing stuff and he whines about not getting enough attention if they’re in his general vicinity & not hugging him or anything (if they’re not busy of course).

🎶Do they have a type? Matt: Tall, long hair, some visible facial hair, & brown skin... Clearly he dates outside of that but in his ideal world if their personality aligned with his... that is who he’d be with.Wren: Anyone he deems cute and able to cuddle him, that’s his type.

😡What are their deal breakers? Matt: Dislikes kids, has no ambition, can’t communicate properly. It’s why he dates so little, he’s found at least everyone has one of these qualities and he has to work with them on it or just walk away.Wren: Non commitment (refusing to label things or admit to feelings), not being upfront. He’s had enough of it and if there’s even the slightest hint at either of those things he’s out.

↕️Are they sub, dom or switch? Matt: Definitely a switch.Wren: The subbiest sub to ever sub.

⏰How long do their relationships tend to last? Matt: A year+, his shortest relationship was 3 mos and that only ended because of extenuating circumstances, otherwise they probably would have went for the long haul and gotten married.Wren: Not long at all, Wren is a fan of flings and living in the moment so short term relationships are his game while he’s young.

💍Would they ever get married? Matt: Yes, he wants that so badly not only for himself but for his son too. He wants his conventional family, with a picket fence, and a dog more than anything. It represents stability to him which he hasn’t had much of his entire adult life and he needs for his son to see what a stable, healthy family structure looks like.Wren: He can’t see it right now but he would love to get married before thirty if the opportunity arose. Otherwise he’s perfectly happy dating for the time being.

🏷️Do they give their partners cute nicknames? Matt: Yes!!! Silas has many, Matty’s favorites for him are Snugglebutt & Flapjack. In secret he calls him Dummy though, affectionately about 90% of the time.Wren: He’s pretty basic and sticks to babe/baby. He doesn’t stick around long enough for personalized nicknames most of the time.

💋Are they more sensual or sexual? Matt: More sensual, for sure. Wren: Sexual, completely.

📖What is their favorite outside of the bedroom activity to do with their partner?Matt: When the weather permits or they’re visiting his home town in Hawaii, walks on the beach. He’s also a fan of dates to coffee shops they haven’t been to before and ordering drinks specific to the shop.  Wren: He’s super simple and loves watching reality TV with his partners, especially if they’re into it too. And after each episode He likes to critique everyone over wine and takeout. 

  🛏What is their favorite bedroom activity to do with their partner? Matt: He really loves getting lingerie and showing it off, what follows after is fine and dandy but he really enjoys the process of getting dressed up and then seeing his boyfriend’s reaction.Wren: [Redacted bc Wren is gross]

💚Are they prone to jealousy? Matt: Not really, if he feels the emotion he’ll acknowledge it, try to figure out what the root of it is and move on. Wren: Yes, very much so. He’ll try to push it aside but he hates feeling like he’s coming in 2nd to his partner(s). [He will eventually grow out of this but he’s currently learning how to deal with it.]

😘Does their demeanor change when in a relationship? Matt:Outwardly he seems a lot grumpier... which isn’t entirely wrong. When he’s still getting used to a new partner it throws him a bit off of his usual balance and it irritates him. He also hates sharing personal details... like the fact that he is even dating someone so when the time comes to be public he seems irritated and angry for quite awhile. Wren: He is giddy as hell and everything is a ray of sunshine when he has a partner. He loves romantic love and wants everyone else to have it and love it too. This lasts for basically as long as he’s with his partner too.

 👫Do they display affection in public? What about in private? Matt: Hand holding but he gets flustered about anything more than that or maybe kisses on the cheek in public. Whereas in private he’ll gladly sit on his boyfriends lap and give him all the kisses he could want.Wren: He loves pda, so much. All of the kisses in public and hand holding, all of it, he wants everyone to know he’s taken and in love. In private.... he’s even more intense about this.

💕Are they open to threesomes or a polyamorous relationship? Matt: He’s not really open to causal threesomes, however, if the circumstances for a polyamorous relationship arose and he approved of the third party he would be willing to give it an honest shot.Wren: He loves the thought of threesomes and poly relationships. He’s not sure how he’d actually fare with multiple partners who were also involved with each other but the idea of having different types of love with different people and caring for them in his own way is so appealing to him.

💔Do they have a certain type of person they will not enter into a relationship with? Matt: 85% of the human population. He’s really particular and needs to get to know a person before even considering them as a potential partner. If he couldn’t befriend them, he wouldn’t date them. So, anyone who is guilt trippy, cannot be held accountable for their actions, dodges adult conversations, etc. could not be someone he would date. Wren: Not really, he’s fairly open, so long as they like animals and can deal with him yelling at the TV during movies they’ve got a chance.

💝How long until they feel secure and comfortable in a relationship? Matt: This is bad but...... Never? He’ll always have this slight sense of uncertainty and be prepared to have to detach and leave. It’s a side effect of the relationship that he got his son out of. He may be comfortable with his partner but security isn’t something he’s been accustomed to and it’ll take a long time for that to be the case.Wren: He doesn’t stay long enough for security but comfort comes easy for him. So long as they don’t seem violent he can be comfortable int he span of a couple weeks.

🤐Would they ever confess their feelings first? Matt: He’s usually the one to do so. Once he’s sure he wants to act on them he’ll let the other person know how he feels and let them know exactly why.Wren: He will but he much prefers the other person making him feel wanted and confessing their feelings first.

❌Would they ever cheat on their partner?Matt: Never, ever, ever. He would sooner break things off than cheat and ruin their sense of trust in any relationships after theirs.Wren: He would say no but if he were stuck in what felt like a loveless relationship he would be the first to step outside of it for some from of happiness/a simulation of true love & affection. 

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦Do they want children? Matt: He’s already got a son but he wants more later on. Kids are a rough topic for him at the moment since he miscarried in September and he’s still recovering from it. Wren: He needs at least one daughter so that he can honor Maxine Shaw and name his child after her. So, yes, he wants kids.

🐶Are they a cuddler?Matt: Very much so, not necessarily for the sake of cuddling but because he’s cold all the time, he leeches body heat off of his partner.Wren: Yes! He loves the contact and being held brings him such comfort.

🔮Do they believe in soul mates? Matt: Not necessarily. He thinks people can be compatible for each other and work well together but the concept of one singular soul mate or “the one” is absolutely ridiculous to him.Wren: Yes, however, he believes you can have multiple soul mates depending on the time and space you’re in. Your soul mate may change, hence why he’s not in any rush to settle down.

���️ Are they protective of their partner? Matt: Super protective. He’s ready to fight over anyone disrespecting his boyfriend or hurting his feelings. He’s not afraid to actually stand up for him and get involved either. (Though, online stuff is different. If on the twittersphere someone is being a dick his go to response is: “Baby, they aren’t important. Ignore them.”)Wren: Extremely. If someone even looks at his partner wrong he’s ready to take his earrings off and beat their ass.

🚀 How far are they willing to go for the person they love? Matt: All they way to Canada. Any further and they can fuck right off. Jokes aside, so long as it won’t negatively impact his son or his own mental health he will move mountains for his partner.Wren: It truly depends on how long they’ve been together and how committed they are.

❤️ Do they fall in love easily? Matt: Not even close, he’s so guarded that he’ll even second guess his feelings when they start getting more intense.Wren: Yes, too easily for his own good.

📺 Do they share information about their relationships freely with friends and family? Matt: Not even. His parents and childhood best friend get details & information but with newer friends (even of years) he will give them the bare minimum. Even then it’s a stretch, he waited a whole month to even tell his friends his ex-boyfriend’s name.Wren: Yep, as said before... he loves love. He feels like sharing all the cute little details of his relationships may inspire his friends/family to get out there themselves. 

♦️Are they concerned with the social status of their partner? Matt: Nope, so long as they are doing things with their life and self improving he doesn’t care about their social status at all. Wren: Ashamedly so, if they don’t have some kind of impressive title or a reputation in their field chances are he’s not going to get very far into a relationship with them. Though, they could become a regular on his hook-up list.

💭 Do they tend to sleep better when in bed with their partner?Matt: No, he’s gotten so used to sleeping alone that now sharing a bed with his boyfriend is a major adjustment. He does enjoy cuddling but he finds it harder to fall asleep and stay asleep now.Wren: Yep, he loves the contact and having someone else there makes it much easier for him to relax and fall asleep.

[shannaraisles]

Set In Darkness

Chapter: 74/74 <--- THE END!!! Author name: ShannaraIsles Rating: M Warnings: Canon-typical violence Summary: She’s a Modern Girl in Thedas, but it isn’t what she wanted. There’s a scary dose of reality as soon as she arrives. It isn’t her story. People get hurt here; people die here, and there’s no option to reload if you make a bad decision. So what’s stopping her from plunging head first into the Void at the drop of a hat?

As the great gate opened, the inner portcullis rising, the Inquisitor did not spur his own horse onward, instead looking back at the commander with a wide grin. Kaaras was just as eager as Cullen to return home and meet the newest member of their strange little family, but he wasn't about to steal Cullen's thunder.

"You first, commander," he ordered with a cheery nod, the haunted look from Adamant gone from his eyes for now. "There's someone in there who really wants to meet you." Cullen felt the stirring of quiet panic in his chest as he spurred his horse on, past the Qunari warrior and his inner circle of friends and companions. Yes, Rory was waiting. But so was someone else, someone who had been born on the night Adamant fell. While he had been far away, leading a siege that had killed too many for the wrong cause, the woman he loved had been laboring to bring their firstborn into the world. The symmetry there was too much to ignore; they had lost a good friend and ally, among so many others, and gained a new life in their midst, all in the course of a single night. But what if the child didn't like him? What if he frightened the little one for whom he would gladly give his life, even never having met her? He was a warrior; the blood on his hands was too thick to wash away. This innocent life he had helped to create ... would he ever feel worthy to call himself their father? A ragged cheer went up from merchants and workers alike as the party rode into Skyhold, welcoming home the Inquisitor and his companions, glad to see them returned hale and well, despite the losses sustained in the Western Approach. For once, Cullen's eyes did not scan the battlements to check the guard rotation, turning instead toward the wide stone steps up to the upper courtyard, where she had said she would be waiting for him in her last letter. He felt a weight lift from his heart as his gaze found vibrant red hair, a wide warm smile, one arm raised to wave to him, to catch his attention. The other arm wrapped securely about a small bundled form cradled against herself as she continued down the steps to meet them. He was vaguely aware that both Josephine and Leliana were walking with Rory, both warily watchful to be certain she didn't slip, but his body was already moving, swinging down from his horse to stride toward his wife. "Took you long enough, didn't it?" were her first words to him, and Cullen felt himself release a low chuckle at the familiarly fond irritation he should have known was waiting for him. "You owe me, commander." "Ever at your service, healer," he answered her, dipping his head to taste her lips, to feel her smile, and know that he had returned from death yet again. Rory's fingers teased into his hair, delicately tracing the still faint swelling around the healing bruise at his temple as she answered his kiss with her own, shameless in pouring her relief and affection into that one moment of contact in front of everyone they knew before her hand dropped to his chest to ease him back. "Careful," she murmured. "We're squashing your daughter." "My ... our daughter." Just saying that brought a strange flush to his face. I have a daughter. The old familiar panic welled up, but Rory's fingers touched his cheek, her expression softening as she recognized that look in his eyes. Her mouth opened, but he took hold of himself, nodding swiftly to cut off the reassurance he didn't want others around them to hear that he needed, and forced himself to look down at the infant in her arms. Big blue eyes blinked up at him, focusing with curious intensity on this new face that mama seemed to be so relaxed with, so happy to see. He hadn't been expecting blue eyes; he'd hoped for gray, like Rory's, though it seemed that their daughter had inherited her mother's hair. The soft crop of thicker down on the top of her head was definitely red. The nose was familiar, almost depressingly so. She'd inherited his nose, for certain. Cullen held that solemn gaze for what felt like a small eternity, just as solemn in return, studying the child just as she studied him. He couldn't say she was beautiful - as far as he was concerned, no baby was ever beautiful. She was small, and bright-eyed, and unafraid of him. That was all the reassurance he needed. "She needs a name," Rory murmured softly, watching as he slowly removed his glove, as his hand reached out tentatively to cup his palm over the soft heat of their daughter's head. A name ... His throat seemed to choke closed for a brief moment as he rubbed his thumb over the delicate brow, enthralled by the way the little head wriggled gently into his palm, the big eyes blinked above a chubby-cheeked hint toward a smile. Rory's letters since the birth had laid the responsibility for naming their daughter firmly in his lap, with amusing commentary on the various suggestions Josephine, Leliana, and Granthis had been making in lieu of having a proper name to call the baby by. Even that responsibility had felt like too much. How could he name a child he had not seen, who had been born so many miles away on such a terrible night? Yet here and now, looking into the eyes of his daughter, the name he had been toying through his mind since hearing the news seemed perfect. "Alys," he said hoarsely, swallowing to clear his throat as he glanced up to meet Rory's eyes, knowing she would recognize the bitter-sweetness in their firstborn's name and understand it. Her smile was sad, but pleased, her stormy eyes calm as she nodded. She did not seem surprised by his choice - yet another reminder that this woman, for all her oddities and unfathomable memory lapses, was more his match than anyone he had ever known. "Alys would very much like to cuddle her papa, Cullen," she said in a soft tone, her smile flashing into a grin at the sudden panic he knew flickered across his face. "She knows you already, love. I'm not going to coddle you or do all the work now you're home." "I don't mean for you to do all the work, I simply ..." Cullen flailed for an excuse. "I ... am wearing my armor. It will not be comfortable for her." "So take it off," Rory suggested bluntly. "I am not disrobing in the middle of the courtyard," he countered, a little flustered that she would even suggest it. His wife laughed, and despite his bristling, he found himself smiling to hear the sound. It had been a long time since he had heard her laugh, seen her smile. More than two months on campaign - his first true campaign, though he had lived his life by the sword. It had taken everything he had to ride away from her, knowing that when he returned, it could be to an empty home. In truth, he had feared more for her in childbirth than for his own life in battle, trusting in the Inquisitor and his own forces to deliver him safely from harm. For a moment, he was transported back to the camp, the day before they laid their night siege ... to the odd quietness of men and women who knew that some of them would not be coming home, the gentle camaraderie, the talk of home and family and the provisions they had each left behind them in case the worst should happen. He hadn't known that, while he was connecting with his troops at this very personal level, Rory had been suffering through the first throes of a labor that had dragged on for more than twelve hours, yet in hindsight, it seemed almost appropriate. As he had suffered with the knowledge of the deaths he presided over, she had struggled to bring one precious new life into this world. This life, this child ... my daughter. Without thinking, his hands rose to the buckles on his pauldrons, and to his surprise, another pair of hands joined his - Cassandra, who had somehow managed to stand close enough to see the child first of all the Inquisitor's companions, but far enough not to intrude. Yet now he needed an extra pair of hands, she was there, and he found himself grateful as pauldrons, vambraces, sword, shield, and finally breastplate all left his form. Rory didn't give him a moment to reconsider, placing the squirming bundle of blankets and blue eyes that was his own flesh and blood into his hands before he could say a word. He remembered something like this with Rosalie, when he was just a boy, being handed his baby sister and knowing she was related to him, that she was a part of him. She'd had blue eyes then, he recalled, yet now her eyes matched his. Would Alys' eyes darken? Would she shared his hued gaze? But this ... this was different. This was his daughter, his child, the unexpected miracle of life brought out of so much death. The hands that held her were his hands - a warrior's hands, stained with blood that had not always been guilty; hands that shook when the strain became too much; hands that trembled now as he drew little Alys to his chest and held her close for the first time. He felt her breathe against his chest, the fumble of little fingers gripping at the loose edge of his mantle, and something fundamental seemed to crumble inside him. So much fear held deep inside, of a life that would end alone and forgotten even by himself ... yet here he stood, holding the future in his hands, watched over not only by the wife he had never dared to hope for, but also by the friends he still did not believe he deserved. Whiskey-bright eyes rose to look into the freckled storm-gray that was Rory's gaze, soft and understanding and loving. She knew the worst of him, in his own words, his own unthinking actions, and yet still she loved him. He could not think of a better reward for continuing to fight for the world their daughter deserved. Biting down the tears that wanted to spill from his eyes, he leaned close to her, hugging Alys close as his lips brushed Rory's brow. This was home. "Are we allowed to meet the new Rutherford, or are you going to stand there hiding her from us for the rest of eternity?" a warm voice demanded from behind him, and despite himself, Cullen laughed along with Rory as he turned to look at Kaaras. The Qunari Inquisitor had been fascinated by the pregnancy, and was almost over-eager to meet the baby, holding himself stiff in his serious effort not to reach out and grab for her as Cullen showed off his little family. Fade-touched eyes glued themselves to the infant gripping the commander's mantle, all others utterly dismissed from his mind. "She's so tiny," he breathed, his right hand reaching out involuntarily before he drew it back, glancing to the proud parents with a guilty glimmer to his gaze. "Uh ... may I?" Cullen glanced down at Rory as she answered. "The worst she can do is cry at you, so prod away." As Kaaras' hand reached toward the baby, Cullen felt himself bristle a little, an over-protective instinct drawing his daughter closer to his chest before he recalled himself. This was a friend - not just a friend, but a good man, for all that he was seven feet tall with horns. Guilt colored his expression a moment as Kaaras hesitated, the commander relaxing his arm once more as Rory squeezed his free hand. Assured that he really was welcome to introduce himself to the baby, Kaaras' grin emerged, one large finger very gently stroking the little fist Alys flailed in his direction. The tiny fingers opened to wrap about the wide digit at hand, and Cullen found himself staring in utter astonishment as a Qunari warrior he had seen tear through four demons single-handed without breaking a sweat visibly melted in the face of a tiny baby trying to suck his finger. "What a grip!" Kaaras chuckled to them, impressed by the strength exerted on his finger, glancing down at Cassandra as she came close to his side. The Seeker seemed just as enchanted, and perhaps a little envious, though her rare smile was there for all to see. The Qunari Inquisitor lifted his left hand, wriggling his fingers to make the Anchor glow, trying to tease a first smile out of the infant clinging to his hand. Alys' eyes focused on the glow ... but there was no smile. Cullen was shocked to see his solemn daughter, who had seemed so even-tempered until now, suddenly scream, flailing her fists as tears flooded her eyes. Kaaras snatched his left hand away, hiding both behind his back as he looked around wildly. "I didn't touch her!" "I know you didn't," Rory assured him, shaking her head. "Look, she's already calming down." And the baby was calming, her sobs fading now there was no eerie green light in her eyes, rubbing her face with pudgy hands as she nestled into Cullen's grasp once again. The commander stared at her, torn between horror at her over-stated reaction to Kaaras' hand and relief at how quickly she'd recovered from him. What was wrong with the Anchor that made a baby react so violently to it? "It's wrong," a quiet voice said from Rory's other side - Cole, peering around the redhead, his red-rimmed eyes focused on the now quiet baby once more. "It's wrong and it hurts and it shouldn't be there. It won't be there, and that hurts, too." He blinked, frowning. "She doesn't like it when it hurts." "She's hurting?" Cullen's head snapped up, deep concern making his gaze sharper than he had intended. Cole shied back. "Not her," he promised. "She ... she sees it, and she knows it hurts him. The glow and the shimmer ... she cries because he hurts, because ..." He frowned uncertainly. "Because one day it will stop hurting, and that frightens her." Rory's head swung about to look down at her daughter, reaching over to stroke the soft cheek even as she frown in concern of her own. "That makes no sense, Cole," she pointed out, but there was a wariness about her voice that suggested she might share that feeling with the newborn child. "The mark hurts?" Cassandra tilted her head toward Kaaras, who gave her a sheepish smile. "Not so much," he tried to mollify her, but she wasn't having it. She did, however, pull him away from the commander and his wife by the horn before beginning to inform him in no uncertain terms that not telling her when he was in pain was a very bad idea. This gave space for others who were attempting not to seem eager to press forward. Dorian, naturally, did his utmost to ignore the baby, instead moving in to offer Rory a one-armed embrace. Even Cullen was surprised by that; he'd been on the receiving end of a few rants toward the end of the pregnancy that had involved how much she worried about certain of their friends and their inability to offer or accept innocent tactile affection. "You look marvelous, darling," the Tevinter altus informed the new mother as he drew back. "Exhausted, but I'm told babies don't much care who they keep awake at night. Now you have a fine strapping commander to be awake with you, you should improve vastly." Rory eyed him in amusement. "I'm not entirely sure that's a compliment, but thank you. Would you like to meet her?" "Not if she intends to display the capacity of her lungs with everyone," was Dorian's matter-of-fact response, hanging back at her side only to startle as Cole piped up again directly behind him. "Not you, not us," the boy assured him. "The brightness, the lie is what hurts ... looking up, warm eyes, gold hair, seen before through another's eyes. Loving and loved. Mother and father and home. She doesn't see the past in the scars, she sees the man." He beamed, turning his eyes onto Dorian once more. "She will like you. Rory does." "Of course Rory likes me, I am unmatched," Dorian puffed, but there was a slightly nervous look in his eyes as he craned his head to look down at the baby in Cullen's arms. What he said next was lost on Cullen. The commander's eyes had returned to the baby girl in his arms, Cole's words echoing in his mind as others crowded in to say their piece and admire the baby girl born in their absence. Warm eyes, gold hair ... she doesn't see the scars. Though he still did not wholly trust the strange spirit made flesh, he trusted that what Cole said was what was felt in the moment. Which meant the child in his arms, his child, his little girl ... she liked him. Alys didn't see the scars that littered his flesh and soul, nor the guilt that would weigh on his heart for all the years to come. She saw him and knew him for the father he longed to be; her most stalwart protector and most trusted friend, a teacher and mentor, a shoulder to cry on in the years to come, but most of all, a constant source of love and support, no matter her choices as she grew. That was the father he wanted to be, the father he would spend the rest of his life trying to be. "You will always be loved," he promised the babe in his arms, heedless of the ears that could hear him, or the eyes that saw him raise her high to brush his lips to her soft forehead to seal that promise. He couldn't promise her safety or happiness, or even peace, but what he could give her was love, all the days of his life. By the gate, speculative eyes watched the happy little scene, considering the dynamic of the commander and the healer, the Inquisitor and his friends. Something had changed there, something he could not quite put his finger on. Something so small as to barely register and yet ... that change made his hackles rise. "She forgot, but the memories did not die," the spirit spoke near him. "They went away, found a home. Innocence knows what will be, what will come, the plans, the dangers, the lies. She sees the deception with no words to speak it aloud, fears the Dread -" "Enough." One sharp word, and the spirit fell silent, his connection broken to the knowledge that would cause so many problems if it were to become common. The child knew. Yet she was just a child, a babe in arms. No threat to him, nor a thorn to prick his palms when he laid hands upon his orb once more. In years to come, perhaps.But not yet.

[kalinara]

Rip/Sara - Gideon. Rip - self-worth. Rip - stubbornness. Rip - temper. Rip - fights. Rip - friends. Rip - era (any/all). Rip + team - era (ie., how much culturally does Rip miss/not realize he's missing/realizes he misses and doesn't care in his interactions with the team). Rip - time travel. Rip - music. Rip - concentration. Rip - aloof (what's it masking?). Rip/Sara - time. Rip - team. Rip - families. Rip and Jax - bond. Rip and Rogues - mastery.

I think you’re trying to murder me.  Fortunately, my babbling knows no bounds.

However, these will likely be shorter than my other headcanons/meta.

Rip/Sara - Gideon:  So Gideon is an interesting complication to any Rip pairing fic, because, well, she’s there.  She’s always going to be there.  And regardless of whether you see her relationship with Rip as having romantic elements, it’s still going to be a factor.

I wonder if, in a way, it would be rather like living inside of your mother-in-law.  Which seems awkward.

I have to say though, I don’t think that Sara would propose a threesome.  She did think that Gideon was hot, but I don’t really think Gideon is her type personality-wise.

Rip - self worth:  ...  Really?

Okay, I don’t think Rip is completely without self-worth, but I think that his self-worth is particularly wrapped up in the various roles he plays.  And that becomes a problem, because said roles have a disconcerting habit of disappearing on him.

He has value as a husband and father.  Until his wife and son are dead.  He has value as a Time Master, until they betray him, are revealed to be corrupt, and are destroyed.  He has value as a guardian of the spear of destiny, until he was captured and turned.  He has value as the Captain of the Waverider, until he is supplanted by a more capable alternative.

The problem with Rip is that as soon as he loses his role, he doesn’t really know how to find a new one.  I’m not sure he really knows how to define himself in his own right, without the input of the people around him.

Rip - Stubbornness:

Hah, well, that is definitely a character trait that Rip has.  I don’t think Rip is stubborn just for the sake of being stubborn though.  Rather, I think he generally has a very clear idea of what his goal is, what he wants, and how things are supposed to be.

That doesn’t make him any less difficult to deal with sometimes though.  But as we’ve seen, especially in season 1, he can be swayed and reasoned with.  And he really seems to value that the team will call him out, force him to back down, and make him see things another way.

I do feel a little sorry for Vandal Savage sometimes though.  Because Rip will not ever give up.  :-)

Rip - temper:

I tend to see Rip as being a hot-tempered sort.  His anger comes in flashes and dissipates pretty quickly after the initial eruption.

The one exception is if you hurt someone he cares about.  Then he will come for blood.  This is the man who hunted Vandal Savage through centuries.  I wouldn’t recommend it.

Rip - fights:

Hm.  I think Rip, on a whole, was never really prone to fighting.  When he lived on the streets, he was a small child.  So any fight he got into would not have ended well.  At any point that he was attacked, the goal would have been to strike quickly and escape.  I doubt the Time Masters would have had much patience for casual fighting either.

This isn’t to say that Rip can’t handle himself in a fight.  We’ve seen that he can.  But I don’t think he enjoys it the way that certain other characters do.  I think that, for Rip, a fight means that either his life, someone else’s, or the mission is on the line.  

This might make for an interesting contrast with Sara, who I think DOES enjoy the fight.  I think that if she ever realized exactly how good he was (like in the scene in Out of Time), she would be very enthusiastic about the idea of a friendly match.  And he would NOT.

Rip - friends. 

I’m not sure that I think Rip has the capacity to have casual friends.  I think he has acquaintances/allies and then he has people that he would 100% throw himself into a volcano for, with no middle ground.

And it makes some sense, given his upbringing.  You get the sense that the Time Masters didn’t necessarily produce an environment that allowed for casual friendships (though the children did appear to play together at the Refuge), so if you’re going to break the rules you might as well go all out.

...I think that might be Rip’s motto anyway.

Rip - era (any/all). 

I think that as a Time Master, Rip isn’t really supposed to have a favorite era.  But we also know exactly how well Rip seems to follow rules like that.  But for all his interest in the Wild West trappings, or his success in fighting Time Pirates, I don’t think that’s what makes an era particularly interesting to him.

I think it’s the people.  Rip’s favorite eras are the ones that his favorite people reside in.  He loves the Wild West because of Jonah.  He loves the 1940s for the JSA.  He loves the early 21st century for his team.  (And specifically 2130-ish because that’s where he and Kendra finally killed Savage).

Rip + team - era (ie., how much culturally does Rip miss/not realize he's missing/realizes he misses and doesn't care in his interactions with the team). 

Rip was raised in the future by a scary time-space cult, so he’s definitely got a different cultural background than the rest of the team.  But I think it’s less about pop-culture trivia (you never know what might be relevant to a Time Master’s studies after all.  Some future war may have been averted because of the ambassadors’ mutual love of the Backstreet Boys), and more about the way they look at the world.

I make fun of Rip’s “because, fuck you” tendencies, but the thing is, in the world that Rip grew up in, his entire life would have been wrapped up in rules and regulations.  Everything regimented.  Everything monitored.  The man lives with an AI who watches and records his dreams.  Freedom, privacy, democracy, those may not even be values in Time Master society so much as historical concepts.

Can you imagine how strange Sara, Jax, or Ray’s childhood would sound to Rip?  Or heck, even Snart and Rory’s?  

I think Rip is always fundamentally aware of how alien he is from the rest of the team.  In a way that they aren’t.  But I also think that’s part of why he values them so much.  They fill a need for him that his own culture has never been able to provide.

Rip - time travel

I think Rip, deep down, simply loves to time travel.  It’s just...fun.  He loves to visit different times and meet different people. 

If Rip Hunter hadn’t been raised by the Time Masters, he would have still somehow managed to go out and build a time sphere in his garage and do it that way.

I know, because I’ve read the comics.  :-P 

Rip - music. 

I think that Rip loves all kinds of music.  But that he hasn’t listened to much of anything since his family died.  He hasn’t sung, or touched an instrument since then either.  

However, in the time between season one and season two, that was starting to change.  He’d be in the engine room, supervising Jax’s repairs (hardly necessary at this point, but Jax was still anxious enough to want to make sure he was doing it right), and find himself humming a Rolling Stones song under his breath.  Thankfully, Jax didn’t hear him.  If the crew knew, he’d never hear the end of it.

(Jax actually did hear him.  He and Gideon were colluding on having the ship play some of Rip’s favorite songs as a surprise but Rip disappeared before they could.)

Rip - concentration. 

A headcanon to do with concentration.  Hmm. 

Oddly enough, I’ve got nothing.  :-)  I think Rip is generally very good at concentrating on tasks at hand, but that the crew would try anyone’s patience and I’m sure havoc would ensue.  (Possibly conveniently timed for when Rip has been working too long and missed food and sleep.  Making it very easy for someone like Sara or Jax to nag at him to go to sleep since it’s obvious that he wasn’t going to be able to get back in the right frame of mind.)

Oh, I know.  Rip hates concentrated orange juice.  It is a terrible thing.

Rip - aloof (what's it masking?). 

Rip Hunter is a seething mass of white-hot rage, hopeless love, and impossibly bad decisions all thinly wrapped in a veneer of British sarcasm

Rip/Sara - time. 

I have to admit, I see Time Canary as possibly the most star-crossed of any potential Legends of Tomorrow pairing that comes to mind.  Because I do think they’d be good together.  I think they have a strong emotional bond, and they’ve been good support for one another on many occasions.

But they’ve always had issues in terms of timing.  When they met, Sara was dealing with resurrection and bloodlust, and Rip had JUST lost his family.  

Later, after they’ve worked together for some time, with Sara’s bloodlust under control, her slow coming to terms with Laurel’s death, and Rip finally starting to move past his grief and trauma, he disappears. 

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and circa Raiders of the Lost Art, I started to see a lot of signs that the two characters might be ready to come together.  Sara’s reaction when she thought Phil was Rip.  Phil’s kind of tentative attraction (I see Phil as basically Rip, with all the baggage stripped away)...

But then there was the Legion.  And evil!Rip.  And even though Sara clearly doesn’t blame Rip for what happened, that’s a whole mess of new guilt and trauma that he’ll have to work past to even be remotely able to conceive of pursuing a romance with Sara.  And Sara’s got her own issues: the captaincy, the quest, (and her understandable frustration with his general personality.  :-P)

I think the characters definitely love each other, and that it’s possible that eventually that love could move into a romantic direction, but so far, the timing has never been right.

Rip - team. 

I think that Rip Hunter loves his team to a ridiculous, irrational, near obsessive extent.  He would die for them in a heartbeat.  He has no idea what to do whenever he’s without them.  And he wants to hug them or beat them to death with a broomstick on a daily basis.

I also think that he has no idea how to communicate any of this to any of them.  And he’d probably die of embarrassment before he ever made the attempt.  So they have no idea.

This is why I find all of the teases about Season Three so fascinating.  It will be so interesting to see what happens to cause Rip to break so completely with the team, how the aftermath shakes out, and what ways he ends up functioning without them.  I’m dreading it a little too, of course.  But it ought to be a fun ride.  :-)

Rip - families. 

I always find myself wondering how Rip and Miranda initially established themselves as a family.  Because it’s not like either of them had much experience to base it on, as far as we know.  Rip’s account of his backstory involved starving on the streets and then the Refuge.  Though, if Miranda was recruited at the age of ten as well, it’s possible that she may have memories of her original family life.

But can you imagine how confusing it must have been at first?  I mean, obviously a Time Master’s education would have included concepts of family dynamics and marriage.  Since so many historical events were fueled by those kind of things.  But there’s a difference between reading about it and living it.

I’d like to imagine, from the little bit we see of Miranda, that she adapted to life in 2166 Whitechapel very well.  She seems like the sort to be able to make friends easily, and possibly she was able to study them as she went.  And Rip is the sort to follow her lead when it comes to such things.

On the plus side, having grown up very separate from modern or even future ideas of family dynamics, Rip and Miranda would have had the freedom to basically discard anything that didn’t suit them.  I’d imagine whatever they came up with would have looked rather odd to an outside observer, but worked very well for them.  :-) 

Rip and Jax - bond.

One of the things that I thought season two did really well was establish a clear and strong bond between Rip and Jax.  And that’s pretty impressive considering that Rip was gone for eight episodes, and the characters did not have a huge amount of interaction in season one.  There were a few good bits here and there: Rip choosing Jax as engineer, Rip’s concern in the 1950s, his gentleness with Jax’s father dilemma, and the endangering part of River of Time, but the real thrust of their dynamic seemed to come about in Out of Time, and carried on through Rip’s return.

I know I’ve said this before, but in a way, it actually makes a lot of sense that the two would get along.  They’re the youngest men on the ship (even though there’s a ten year age difference between them).  They’re both mechanically minded and they both truly love the Waverider in a way that only an engineer or mechanic can.  They’re not childish or silly in the same way that Nate or Ray can be.  

If there is one character that I think Rip might have been able to truly relax around and be a functioning human being with, I think it’s Jax.  (And I think we saw that a bit in Fellowship, with the jelly beans).

And Jax is one of the two characters (the other being Sara), who I think really do feel an honest connection to their mission and the quest.  He’s definitely a character that I could imagine captaining a time ship himself in the not-so-distant future.

Rip and Rogues - mastery

I am tempted to make jokes about Rip wearing a leash, but I will behave myself.

The thing that’s always been interesting about the Rogues in season one is that, of all of the characters, they were the only ones who really had any sort of experience working as a team.

The Hawks were always “us against the world” even when Kendra had her memories.  Ray, Martin and Jax were all fairly new to the superhero thing.  Sara had a bit more experience with the League of Assassins and her brief stint with Team Arrow, but those experiences have a certain level of baggage attached.

But Snart and Rory have been a criminal team, off and on, for decades.  They’ve regularly worked with other people too.  They have justifiable confidence in their skills because they’ve practiced them for decades.  And Snart, in particular, has been a leader of groups for about that long.

It’s an interesting dynamic.  Because Snart is by far a better leader than Rip ever was, but there is no way that he would have managed to lead this group.  It's not his quest, and while the crew liked and respected him, it’s not clear that they would have trusted him enough to follow him.  

One of the things I’ve always wished for was to see more direct interaction between Rip and Snart, and Rip and Mick.  (Particularly the latter, since the show is not subtle with their many parallels.)  There is some good fic out there to fill the lack, at least.  :-)

(I may have to hold off on responding to the rest until tomorrow.  :-))