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royalarchivist · 1 month ago

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Bad: I don’t think people understand the effect QSMP had on some of the streamers in terms of like… The real raw mental impact, so I’m gonna set the stage for you. [...] Imagine that you were given a friend to play Minecraft with — like your best friend — BUT if this person dies, if they die in the game, you never get to talk to them again. Can you imagine what that’s like?

Bad: If you did not live through the QSMP, if you did not live through that, it almost sounds like, crazy. But I don’t think people realize how much of a joyous experience the Eggs were. They were SO awesome! They were literally so awesome to just hang out with and spend time with.

Bad: I’m not saying I regret it. To this day, I loved the experience. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. Even knowing how everything went, I would still do it all over again. [...] I would still do it all over again, because — even knowing like, all the trauma and suffering and stuff like that — because it was just… It was just that fun, it was just that fun.

Earlier today during his stream, Bad shared his experience and thoughts about the Eggs and the significant emotional (and traumatic) impact they had on him and his fellow QSMP members.

This clip a very edited-down version since his commentary was ~13 minutes long, so I highly recommend checking out Bad's VOD if you have the time. (Timestamp: 47:36 - 1:00:14)

[ Full Transcript ↓ ]

———

Bad: To be fair Chat, I really think the QSMP... I don't think anyone really can relate to it, Chat. It's something that's so... I've told people this before, like– but it's hard to understand. Right? Like...

Where was I? Sorry Chat, I'm losing my train of thought. Look, let me explain Chat– here's the dealio, ok? Here's the dealio, and this is what I mean when I say like, it's important to keep this in mind, Chat. Ok? It's important to keep this in mind:

I don’t think people understand the effect that the QSMP had on like, some of the streamers, in terms of like… The real raw mental impact, so I’m gonna set the stage for you. This is the analogy I’ve given to every person who I’ve like, shared this with. Imagine you meet somebody– [He hears a strange noise] What the fudge was that? Did you hear that?

Anyway– Chip! The story I was just relaying to Chat, Chip, was this: I was sharing this story with them, I said– I was giving them an analogy.

Imagine Chat, for example, imagine that you were… playing Minecraft, with like– you were given a friend to play Minecraft with, Chat, like your best friend, and [unintelligible] were like, “Hey, you get to play Minecraft with this person, right? BUT if this person dies – they’re currently your best friend, Chip – but if they die in the game, you never get to talk to them again. Ever again.” Can you imagine what that’s like, Chip?

I don’t think a lot of people understand like, what that does, right? I’m not gonna say that like, it creates this situation, Chip, that like, messes with your head, but it– Chip – but it totally, totally does, Chip. It messes with your head! It literally puts you in a position where you’re second-guessing and thinking about everything, Chip! You’re thinking about EVERYTHING Chip! Ok? And that’s the problem, Chip– is you turn into a paranoid monster because of it, Chip! Like, you don’t understand Chip– I was- I was so afraid of every dirt block, I used to carry a shovel with me Chip, and I would specifically right-click dirt blocks that looked suspicious because mines, Chip– mines could not be shoveled! Like, I was crazy, Chip! But here’s the problem, Chip: that craziness is still there. I’m genuinely like–

I remember thinking Chip, that I would one day– I was like, “I’m going to move past–” here, let’s go up here, Chip. I remember thinking one day Chip, I was like, “I’m gonna move past the underground base, one of these days. You know, one of these days, I feel like I’ll be able to grow and achieve the desire to build a base that doesn’t have to be underground.” But I don’t think it’s possible now Chip, because I think… I just don’t know. I feel like the paranoia– there’s still like, residual leftover trauma from that situation, Chip.

But here’s the problem Chip: I don’t think I don’t think– I don’t think people understand it. Like, I just really don’t. But I also don’t blame them Chip, ‘cuz I don’t think it’s possible to fully understand it if you haven’t lived through it. Like, if you did not live through the QSMP… I’m talking about the QSMP, I don’t- I don’t know if that was obvious– if you did not live through that, it almost sounds like, crazy. But I don’t think people realize how much of a joyous experience like, the Eggs were. Right? I don’t think people realize it. Like, they were SO awesome! They were literally so awesome to just hang out with and spend time with, Chip. So, it’s just one of those things that–

[He’s interrupted by a loud rumble of thunder above them]

Did lightning just strike here? Is it thunderstorming out…? But anyway, Chip. That’s the food for thought.

But that’s the problem– Like, every time it rains in Minecraft, I have to like, look at the sky, and I get this weird, like, second--hand vibe because of the trauma. The trauma, Chip! The trauma is real! But that’s the point– I’m not saying I regret it. I, to this day Chip, I loved the experience. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. Even knowing how everything went, I would still do it all over again.

[He falls down] Dangit, don’t come over here Chip, ‘cuz I’m coming back up! Ok.

I would still do it all over again, because — even knowing like, all the trauma and suffering and stuff like that — because it was just… It was just that fun, Chip, it was just that fun. I really wi– I don’t think it’s ever gonna be possible, Chip, to give people that same energy, like that same experience. You know what I mean, Chip? I don’t think it’s ever gonna be possible again. Like, EVER.

Because… because like, one: I will say on one level Chip, I will say on one level, like– it’s sort of emotionally like… It’s emotionally devastating, and I think to actually go through that– and this is where like, if I ever do end up going to a– see a therapist, if I ever do end up going to see a therapist at any point, I’ll talk it over with them and be like, “Hey, what do you think about this?” Because I genuinely think on one level, like– it’s created this fear of forming attachments because of like, how things can go. You know what I mean? Like, the fear of getting attached to something and then potentially losing it. Like, it’s- it’s a genuine thing. I think people forget about that.

Like, at the end of the day, everything was RP, right? On the server. You know what I mean? Like, everything was RP, Chip. BUT at the same point, even though it was RP Chip, it was still like– there the reality of you were still playing like, with another person, and you were still getting that experience, and it felt like you were genuinely attached to someone and you didn’t want anything bad to happen to them. It was GENUINELY stressful, Chip.

But at the same point, I don’t regret it, and I don’t think it was a bad experience. I’m–

Sometimes in life Chip, you go through stuff, and maybe you have a certain amount of like, things that like, can happen, that you’re like, “You know what, maybe this wasn’t a good thing that this happened,” but at the same point, you still aren’t necessarily upset about it, because… it’s like growing as a person, right? Here’s the thing Chip; even bad situations, Chip, can lead to an overall good outcome. Like–

Even if you’re going through something bad Chip, just because a bad thing happens doesn’t mean that only bad things have to come from that. That’s one of the things I tell people all the time, Chip, is that if you go through a bad situation, you can learn from it, and you can use your experience to help others. And you can be that– you can be, at the worst-case scenario, you can be someone for other people who are going through that same experience to lean on when they go through that.I think there’s a certain amount of comfort that comes from that; from knowing no matter how bad your situation is, you’re not the only person who’s experienced it. You know what I mean?

#Badboyhalo #BBH #Bad #QSMP #January 8 2025 #Edited #I know folks are going to add their two cents on this subject in the tags / comments / replies (and as always you're welcome to do that)#But for the sake of my sanity please don't be an asshole to any of the CCs / ex-admins / fellow fans / anyone else. Thanks #Most folks here don't need a ''Don't be a dumbass'' reminder but I had to block someone for that earlier and it was a bit disappointing #This is going to be a Tumblr exclusive clip because I don't trust Twitter to have common sense or common decency about this topic #Tumblr exclusive #Anyways business aside – that black line on the side is just part of Bad's stream btw. He just Has That #Took too long for this to render otherwise I'd edit it out because it's annoying #I'm just realizing this screenshot doesn't even have Dapper OTL but it's the best one I have so I gotta work with what I got #Honestly; I still miss QSMP dearly... I love the core intent of the project and the multicultural exchange #I love all the language barriers that were broken and I loved all the stories that were told and watching beautiful friendships bloom #But I am still so angry and disappointed about how things ended and all the poor communication and the admin situation as a whole #It's a complicated feeling #I agree with pretty much everything Bad says here #It's ironic that he uses that analogy because I've said almost the exact same thing when explaining why losing any Egg was so devastating #We weren't just mourning for the characters. We were mourning for the admins too #I'll never forget that last stream with Tazercraft and Richas; and Pac ending stream in tears #I wish they'd done away with the Egg life system. I wish they'd done a lot of things differently #If the project ever does come back in some shape or form I hope they are more transparent about things and have better communication #I dunno how I'd feel personally. They would have to do a lot of work regaining people's trust #And frankly I don't think they'll ever regain that trust from a large portion of the community #I remember near the start of QSMP I saw a comment from a fan that simply said ''QSMP; please don't leave me feeling bitter''#I think about that comment a lot

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tonguetiedraven · 14 days ago

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Yukio and True Cross: A Tale of Exploitation

Part 4 of my Yukio Okumura Critical Reading series. (Other parts here: one, two, and three) Please read them before diving into this one. It will continue to build on what was covered there.

We've discussed Yukio's role at the academy and how he views his role in Rin's life, and how he views himself in the lives of his peers. Now I want to talk about one of the biggest hinderances in Yukio's day to day life.

True Cross.

True Cross is a problem. A problem for Yukio and Rin in a lot of varying ways. Not just the obvious and looming problem of their parentage being enough reason for them to both be killed. There are a lot of reasons that Yukio is the way he is and makes the moves he makes, and aside from Mephisto, True Cross itself is probably his biggest opponent on the chess board his life is. For now at least. The Illuminati is waiting in the wings.

Now when last we left our overworked exorcist, he was sporting this expression in chapter 12.

And honestly, this is what I'm imagining every time he wears that customer service smile.

I've touched on it in my other parts, but now I want to take a moment to really reflect on the fact that Yukio has two jobs.

Yukio Okumura is fifteen. This is his first year of high school just like the rest of the cram students. This was his first time moving out as well, and on the day he isn't at home, Shirou dies.

But we'll get to that a bit later (honestly a lot later) when Rin finds out about the Blue Night.

Now at this point it's been about four months since Shirou died and the twins started True Cross Academy. It's often easy to lose track of time in this story, and I'll try and periodically remind everyone of where we're at with that.

The twins have officially made it through one semester at this school. One semester of keeping this a secret. Mostly.

One semester of living on their own. Of trying to make Yukio's scholarship and pay cover both of their expenses. One month of trying to keep Rin somewhat in line. One month of teaching a class he got very little heads up for. One month of doing additional exorcists missions on top of all that and maintaining his grades.

Why point that out? Because I want to make it clear that Yukio has been put under a lot of pressure. More pressure than he ever has been under, but he has been under a lot of pressure since he was seven. What he has also lost is the support and guide he had during those first seven years on this path.

This arc will give us our first real view of what True Cross the organization is like, and it does not paint it flatteringly. Nor should it.

Chapter 12 is the midway point of the mini camp arc. Everyone is in the forest trying to find a lantern and bring it back and the sky has just lit up briefly with blue flames. This is from Rin finding Shiemi passed out, getting frustrated/overwhelmed with the chuchi all over the place, and igniting.

By all likelihood he didn't intend to do that, however he still did and it is by the dumb luck he lives by that he didn't get caught.

Yukio is wearing the above expression because he sees the sky light up and Shura is laughing a few meters behind him.

Shura reassures Yukio that it'd just be bright in this darkness, and she's right. Ryuuji, who didn't have his flashlight on, knew there was a bright light but didn't recognize it as blue.

Nonetheless, we have Yukio showing a moment of frustration or exhaustion or likely both, and saying that he can't hide Rin's power much longer.

That's an important moment of verbiage to clue us into Yukio's headspace here. He is putting himself in the position of responsible party for Rin's secret. He is aware that when the secret comes out it will land on his shoulders to handle it and and he is aware it is his responsibility to delay it as much as possible.

It should absolutely not be his responsibility mind you. He is aware of the exorcist world, yes, but he is also fifteen and should not be in this position. I strangely often see people rage that Rin is expected to keep this secret while also blaming Yukio on the fact that it got out. It often seems that people who put forth a more responsible figure and manner are expected to take on more responsibility and then blamed when the responsibilities heaped upon them (and Yukio has many) overwhelm them or come to the only conclusion they possibly could.

Rin's secret gets out because Rin is emotional and not trying as hard as he might to keep it secret. Rin is who he is, and as he tells us himself, he's not much for keeping secrets. To keep this secret would require confronting emotions and guilts he's not ready for, and would require accepting his flames to some degree, and they are, at this point, still heavily tied to Shirou's death in his mind, and that and everything demonic about him is something he avoids thinking about or dealing with to the point he'll eventually lock himself entirely out of the ability to even use them.

It doesn't help that we also know that there is another hand at play endeavoring to force them into a reveal.

Yukio asks Shura why she's here and doing this.

Shura is putting her report to the Vatican on hold (remember she's an investigator) and says it's because she thinks Rin is funny and ambitious.

I think there's some truth in that, but it's absolutely not the full reason. However for her to give the full reason would be admitting feelings and emotions she doesn't acknowledge and she is seldom serious with Yukio outside of specific moments where she's trying to mentor him, so ambition and humor are the given reason.

However the moment I want to focus on is where Yukio shows surprise. As I've mentioned, Yukio rarely blatantly shows his thoughts or emotions unless he's been pushed and driven to that position over a period of time. Here however, the mention of Shirou has him showing surprise.

Now this will come back in much later, but Yukio seems surprised by Shirou being mentioned here. (Another tally on the 'Shirou knew he was going to die' list.) We are told later that he knew this but the surprise is still there. I'm not sure if it's her taking Shirou's words into account, or if Kato retconned this scene later, but the surprise is there.

Shura doesn't bother explaining, just continuing like Yukio is already in on everything.

Now at this point we leave the conversation and Yukio ruminating over what Shura said. We're given a shot of what she's looking at too.

So we know that Shura at least is aware Mephisto and Amaimon on here. We are not told if Yukio is aware of their spying presence.

The POV switches back to Rin in the forest where they find out the actual challenge and dive into it.

When we get back to Yukio's POV we find out it is now after 4 am. So regardless of whatever time the group started out on this assignment, it has been a LONG day. I cannot emphasize that enough. That is part of this entire thing. True Cross and Mephisto rarely push and manipulate their people/players unless they are 1) stressed by as many factors as it's possible to amass, 2) exhausted, 3) isolated, and if they can swing it 4) hungry and deprived of other basic rights and comforts.

It is late, it is hot (Yukio still doesn't have his coat), Rin has already ignited once and Shura is drunk and just mumbling on the side lines, and Yukio has probably been standing here watching for at least a bit.

I will again reiterate, this is NOT just a test for Rin.

They see a bottle rocket go off -- one of the items they gave the students to use in case something went wrong, and Yukio heads out to help. This is the last we see of him this chapter. We go back to Rin and friends who meet the god of the forest, and Amaimon was right, he is way too happy to help out and causes havoc among the students and Rin.

They manage to escape the enormous chuchi's grasp through the power of friendship and good throws and book it back to the camp where we discover that Izumo and Takara both beat their group back.

For the reader that were paying close attention the first time they read this, they'll notice this means everyone used their matches on the lantern and no one set off their flare, which means Yukio went after someone that was likely not a student and likely a trap.

It takes a while for anyone else to realize this, which is fair because Shura is the only one who knows he left.

Rin asks where Yukio is like a good brother who just noticed his twin isn't present, and Shura dismisses it as Yukio being in the way.

Now this could be read as her just being light hearted/dismissive, but I think with what we'll read in chapter 15 that she was being sincere. She wanted Yukio out of the way and circle so that she could do her next actions un interrupted because Yukio is the one trying to keep Rin's flames a secret.

I cannot stress enough how every adult around Yukio is plotting and manipulating and how he cannot relax his guard around anyone. There is no one he can trust to be telling him the truth and not be trying to manipulate him, even Shura. This is also true for Rin, but Rin is unaware of it to a large degree and doesn't interact with the adults as much as he does his peers. Shura also doesn't try to manipulate him as much as she tries with Yukio. She's more direct with them.

Yukio is working multiple jobs and forced to interact with these people and has been given the responsibility to keep Rin hidden, safe, and as un manipulated as he can.

We leave Yukio with him understanding something is very, very awry and facing off against the god of the forest as the chuchi rage against him, and go back to the camp and Rin.

There are three things I want understood about the camp scene that we will mostly be skipping because this analysis is about Yukio.

This is a plot specifically to expose Rin. Amaimon is here to piss Rin off and set him off and make him lose control. Mephisto planned this, and Shura is aware of this plan to at least some degree. And to at least some degree, she goes along with it.

Rin very much plays into their manipulative hands. Shiemi is mind controlled by a chuchi egg and forced to play the part of Amaimon's willing puppet, and we are made to understand later on that she was entirely aware during this full ordeal. Renzou gets two cracked ribs and probably a concussion from this. Ryuuji gets choked enough to be coughing up blood. Konekomaru gets a bad enough break that he has to spend days in a hospital. They are all hurt during this and that should not be ignored. They are also being manipulated and used during this, and Shura got rid of Yukio so that he wouldn't be in the way, but that also meant he couldn't protect these students either.

Rin's thoughts as he's watching his friends just get decimated (and I feel the need to point out Takara and Izumo are still back at camp) is that they are all so kind. That they've supported him and helped him and encouraged him and he doesn't want them getting mauled like this and he recognizes that this is his fault. While that's not entirely true and he shouldn't put other's cruel actions on his own shoulder, he does know that Amaimon is after him and they did not which put them in a far more dangerous situation than they were aware of. Rin has also already shown himself to intercede and throw himself between people he cares about and danger on seven occasions before this. This entire setup is probably the most predictable thing that could have happened. IT WAS NOT AN ACCIDENT. It was entirely planned. Planned by a Demon King who manipulates time itself. -the seven times I'm talking about: Jumped between Yukio and the hobgolbin, jumped between Ryuuji and a reaper, jumped between Paku and the naberius, jumped between Yukio and the naberius summoned thing, lured the naberius away from the other students, took a head butt from Kuro, tried to take on the god of the forest himself.

It is only now that we switch back to Yukio's POV, and only for a moment. Yukio right next to Renzou -- just to give you an idea of how damn far Amaimon shot Renzou --sees the situation and immediately shouts for Rin to think. To stop and breathe and not do what everyone who knows Rin knows that he will do.

Yukio's plead falls on deaf ears as he knew it would. Yukio could not keep the secret by himself, and Rin is no longer willing to hide it. Rin draws the sword and the fight between him and Amaimon is on.

The next shot of Yukio, he's running towards the injured students.

He is almost immediately focused on them and their injuries. He is direct and focused on getting them to safety and away from the danger he knows Rin is.

Remember that he is the one who specifically warned Rin about getting injured and relying on his flames in chapter 8. He predicted what is about to happen.

Yukio evacuates the students with Shura showing up part way through and the two of them snapping at each other. Yukio gives Koneko a temporary cast for his arm, because if you remember, Yukio has a doctor meister and seems to at least be somewhat adept at field medicine, and he carries Shiemi himself while Rin and Amaimon tear apart the forest and light up the sky with blue flames.

They are both going more and more feral, violently tearing into each other and their surroundings, and we see Yukio looking back as they make their way forward, and I think it's worth bringing back up this moment from chapter 2.

There was more truth in this than we often acknowledge.

It is my opinion, and I believe the manga heavily supports this reading, that

this is what Yukio has feared. What he foresees as the conclusion of what will happen if Rin relies too much on his flames and the demon within himself. That Rin will cease to be Rin at all and that he will become nothing but a dangerous and feral mind like the worst of the demons that Yukio feared when he was young. That he will lose control to the demon and it will almost certainly fall on Yukio's shoulders to stop him.

And not for nothing does he have this fear.

Chapter 13 ends with them running. Chapter 14 opens with Mephisto interceding on the fight and locking a resisting Amaimon away in a Cuckoo clock prison as one does.

The students are attempting to flee with Yukio carrying Shiemi, and let's pour one out for poor Renzou who had to by all accounts climb steps to get up to that thing with his broken ribs. Like damn.

They stop because Shima can't breathe and it's at that moment that Yukio spots Shura and is furious.

Her response is dismissive and rude, and honestly I cannot imagine how infuriated that sort of response would make me in this situation. Not only does everyone use and manipulate Yukio, they very often treat him as a child while they're at it, dismissing his intelligence and skill, and it is very likely intended to further push him and frustrate him.

Yukio is truly one of the most manipulated characters in this manga.

The new Paladin is introduced on this bridge. We meet Arthur Angel who confirms with Shura that there are others spies here because there are always spies in and around, often overlapping and working for more than one party. Mephisto shows up with Rin in tow, and Rin seems entirely gone. Feral and determined to attack everything near by. He snarls and lashes out at the students, Yukio, and Shura, and seems mindless.

Angel and Mephisto and Shura hold a conversation while Yukio watches silently with the students and it isn't until the Kurikara is sheathed that Rin calms down and seems to come back to himself at all.

At which point by all accounts Rin seems to have no real memory of going feral or how he got on this bridge. Angel lunges forward to press his blade against Rin's neck and Shura gets between them leading Angel to restrain her instead.

We get the frankly fascinating lore drop that Angel seems aware Shirou asked Shura to train Rin. Apparently Shura ratted Shirou out to everyone, lol.

I'm going to skim over most of the rest of this chapter but want to pay attention to a few moments on the bridge.

We don't get real closeups of Yukio or his POV during this, but we get these moment. Him reacting to injuries and trying to gather them, all the while knowing these students are no longer seeing him the same way and knowing that everything has changed beyond his control. (It's a bit uncertain just who Ryuuji is glaring at, but honestly pretty much everyone on the bridge would make sense in one way or another.)

A thing I think a lot of people kind of glance over or miss is that Yukio himself is not at the trial that IMMEDIATELY follows the reveal of Rin. Yukio is with the students, getting debriefed and likely examined himself. He does not know what transpired there and would have had to get the information second hand, likely through Shura or Mephisto who he does not fully trust. (One he trusts far less than the other.) He wouldn't get it from Rin, or at least wouldn't get a dependable/accurate explanation from Rin who would not know who to look out for and would likely be unable to remember the details Yukio would want.

We are shown the trial from Rin's POV and we miss some of the dialogue going on around him as Rin focuses on his own thoughts.

And his thoughts go to his twin.

During this trial where they are calling him a bastard and a conspirator and a weapon and other horrid things, Rin's thoughts go to Yukio and how he didn't listen and understand what Yukio was warning him about. Rin mourns his own reactions but will never say this to Yukio. He will think it and he will hold it to his own chest as he is want to do when it comes to his twin.

Neither brother is good at talking to the other about things like this. Things that need saying. It is just another conversation put on hold, much like the conversation about Shirou's death and what Rin is now.

"Damn it," Rinthinks repeatedly, until he loses control of himself again and tells all who are assembled here (and they assembled so damn fast y'all) to shut up and listen to him and that he is not a weapon or demon lord but will be the next Paladin.

Then he disses Angel's clothing in the best Rin fashion and Mephisto's wager is accepted.

True Cross moved quickly. Much much too quickly for this to not have been planned at all. This is a farce of a trial. They found a teenager who was not supposed to be alive and instead of listening to any proper kind of evidence or even acknowledging his twin or hearing what the hell was going on at all, they immediately move to try and kill him only to shift to using him as a weapon, because using people and demons is something that True Cross excels in.

Now it is likely July 20ish and he is given six months to pass the certification exam. The certification exam has not yet happened as of my writing this, and we're in January in current manga timeline. I think the original pre world going batshit plan was for the exam to be in January but the world went a bit batshit so you know, priorities. True Cross got them right for once.

This trial was a show. It was not just nor did it pretend to be. The majority of the Grigori are aware of why the twins exist and what Mephisto is likely planning. They play ignorant a lot, and that is all it usually is, a pretend. Pretending to be unaware and ignorant allows them to have the pretense of clean hands in the atrocities we will continue to uncover in True Cross' past. This organization paints itself as the only true and just and good defense against the darkness of the world, and part of Yukio's arc is becoming more and more disillusioned with that.

He was brought into this organization by Shirou under the pretense of growing strong to protect Rin, and it seems until a certain point that he thought they were doing good, but that belief, if it was one he held, will not be able to withstand what comes.

Chapter 15 we open with Yukio a few days later. Possibly the next day. Possibly a day and a half later.

Yukio steps into their dorm room to wake up his twin to discover his twin has done the pillows in the bed trick which tells us Rin didn't want to get caught not being in bed.

He receives a text from Shura saying she's going to be late and swe see the opening of Yukio's pov closing with Yukio tightly gripping his phone and showing mounting frustration.

We're not told his reaction to the trial or the news that Rin has six months to pass. We're not told a lot about what has happened since, though we are shown that it was on Yukio to explain to the students what exactly had happened and was going on.

Yukio's hands and posture give him away in this scene. The tension and dare I say shame as he explains clinically who and what they are. That Satan possessed someone and had a child with a human woman. That Rin has flames and he does not. He doesn't quite look at them during this scene, and he cannot give them a lot of information for a lot of reasons.

This is another occurrence where we see him keeping himself at a distance from all of them. Shiemi even points out that he is formal, almost like this was a class. He does not let himself show his emotions or thoughts, just answers what he cans and leaves, likely to further questioning from other exorcists.

This is all we get of him post trial. We never see what exactly transpired between the twins after the trial. What we do see is the normal friction between the two and both of them still not quite talking to each other.

Yukio pulls Rin away from the main class for his private lessons, which seems to be the Vatican's decision about Rin hanging out with the others students. Ostracize him and make someone else handle the problem.

The twins sort of have a conversation.

Rin points out Yuio looks angry, Yukio denies it and gets annoyed at Rin acting like an older brother. (He's smiling that smile so there seems to be frustration there to me, plus the context clue of when he says it and how he says it.)

Rin says he can tell when Yukio is angry, and at this point he's accurate, but there will come a time when Rin cannot tell what Yukio is thinking/feeling, at least not accurately.

Their conversation continues with Yukio telling Rin to take this seriously for once. Rin mishears and thinks he said 'cereal' instead of serious. We love the goofball.

This is an important line for both twins. It shows how Rin intends to do and handle this, by just not thinking about it.

Rin is lying to himself here, and not even lying well to himself. This arc will force him to confront this lie and overcome it and think at least a little about all this. About what has happened and what this will mean.

Yukio will be forced to confront this lie as well, and be forced to consider his own thoughts and emotions and whether he is angry or not.

This is never just a test for Rin or for Yukio.

Shura shows up at this point and lays it out for Rin that from now on her and Yukio are always going to be watching him. She gives Rin the candle assignment and Rin does not manage it and will not manage it for a while. I want to know what the bill on candles was by the end of this. I bet Rin either lights all candles just to show he can or never lights another out of sheer stubborness.

Shura leaves Rin to it and goes back to Yukio and this cute moment happens.

She almost never calls him anything else. Another person who constantly reminds Yukio of when he was younger and wimpier and a cry baby, and remember that he has sworn to himself to never again be weak and frightened. He is striving hard to leave that all behind but cannot move past what he was with the constant reminders around him.

(*cough* Mephisto wants it that way *cough*)

Shura goads him into a challenge and we get the flashback I talked about previously of little Yukio being beaten by Shura.

I need to add that the verbiage of this bugs the hell out of me.

She orders him as his superior to do it. Shura wants Yukio to relax and not be so uptight, but she also refuses to do it and help him unless it's entirely in her way, and it causes increased stress and friction, and often comes across bratty and entitled. Their relationship is old and complicated, and there is often an imbalance in power like this. Shura is the closest he gets after Shirou's death to a mentor he can depend on, and he can't quite trust or lean on her because of things like this. She will mellow out and open up and take this more seriously and become someone he can lean on more, but it will take a while to get there with work needing to be put in.

Yukio accepts the challenge with the agreement that she stops calling him wimpy if he wins. They start to fight, Rin is shook at how good they are, and Yukio uses this moment to question her.

I don't know if I've ever seen analysis on this moment, or even much recognition of it at all. Likely because the anime and it's muddled opening episodes to the Kyoto arc doesn't really go into it.

Please read the manga, y'all. It gives us SO MUCH more than the animes gave and give us ;-;

Anyway, Yukio points out the fact that he knows that the forest was a setup. He was sent away and Rin was revealed, and it was deliberate. Shura confirms that she did indeed go along with Mephisto's plan.

Shura confirms that she did this deliberately and is happy Rin has been exposed. That she knows they're pawns. Yukio is not at all happy with any of this and we find out:

Yukio swore over Shirou's grave to protect Rin. It baffles me how people seem to ignore or not notice that Yukio is determined to protect Rin for most of this manga. He states it blatantly more than once.

He swore to protect Rin, and he has been taking the full weight of the secret upon his own shoulders. All of his peers have conspired against him, and it now confirmed that all were. The ones we are aware were in on Rin's heritage are Neuhaus, Shura, and Mephisto, and each of them have plotted and worked to make sure Rin was revealed, and he was, and now Rin has six months to pass an exam or die and Yukio is under no illusion that Rin can pass that.

Currently, he's valid for thinking that. Rin got a two on a test Yukio gave him in a class he was tailoring to Rin passing. If there's a written component to this test then they're fucked. Rin might be able to pass a skills portion, but he's currently in the next stall obliterating candles with wild flames so Yukio doesn't exactly have reasons to think that's going to happen either.

Yukio is stressed to hell and back and trying not to show it but it is slipping through the cracks and he is not being listened to by anyone around him. Rin and Shura keep dismissing his thoughts and opinions and pushing their own thoughts and opinions on him, and right or wrong, he is a person who despises being treated like he's stupid and like his words aren't being heard. (Does anyone like being treated that way?)

Shura watches his reaction and expression and asks him if he knows what makes a good exorcist. He says heart, skill, and body, which he learned from Shirou. (We'll see that in a flash back during the Blue Night arc.) Shura agrees, but says that not bottling up emotions is even more important because demons exploit resentment and stress.

Quick pause to point out earlier where I said a few thousand words ago that:

True Cross and Mephisto rarely push and manipulate their people/players unless they are 1) stressed by as many factors as it's possible to amass, 2) exhausted, 3) isolated, and if they can swing it 4) hungry and deprived of other basic rights and comforts.

This is a reason. Demon and people and organizations find it much easier to exploit people who are resentful and stressed.

Shura continues her observations.

And that is where I will end this one. Yukio is being primed for something, and Shura sees that, but Yukio is not in a place to listen to her, nor can he exactly be blamed for that with how she has treated him and manipulated them to get to this point.

We'll cover the Kyoto arc next and keep digging in on all the reasons why True Cross has a LOT of issues and why Yukio is getting so very disillusioned.

As always, check out my tag #raven ramble for more of my aoex analysis! I've got a lot more to do, and if you sent me an ask about analyses, don't worry! I will get to you <3

#ao no exorcist #blue exorcist #yukio okumura #rin okumura #raven ramble #aoex analysis #shura kirigakure #i love what kato does with shura #and how complicated all the relationships get #how layered this shit is #the lack of complexity a lot of people try to assign to yukio and his relationships breaks my heart #you're shrinking the story so much #and boy howdy do things really start to get wild from here on out

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