#comparing it to this almost feels unfair because of HOW good the new ones are and how BAD this is

[flatstarcarcosa]

zack torture continues. we are now watching the 2001 dewn miniseries.

get a load of these ps2 ass graphics.

[deepdarkdelights]

Instinct | Taehyung x Reader

Pairing: Hybrid Taehyung x Reader

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: 18+, Yandere, Obsession, Stalking (in the animal sense lol) Fear, Blood, Murder, Kind of Cannibalism? Hunting Animals and Humans, Depictions of Dead Bodies, Non-consensual touching, Human Experimentation, Depictions of Gore, Break In, Attempted Murder, Light Spice at End, Insinuated Dub-Con, Taehyung is kind of a switch tbh

Preview: He was huddled in the middle of the road, his arms wrapped around himself as he remained crouched on the wet pavement. But you knew he was looking at you. His golden eyes were glowing back at you, like a predator glaring at you from the depths of the jungle. There was something inside you that knew that he was dangerous, an echo of intuition from thousands of years before you. But you were a modern human, you were good at ignoring your instincts. 

A/N: I wrote this in two days due to your guys' interest in the prompt. I chose Tae instead of Jimin, he only has two fics on my blog! Anyways it’s two in the morning and I’m really tired, this is really short compared to the majority of my works but I hope you still enjoy it. ILY and I can’t wait to see you in my inbox and the comments ~ good night my loves 💜

“I’m sorry,” He whispers, the words cracked and broken. 

“No, you’re not.” You sighed.  

He always did this. He always turned on the tears every time you called him out on his bullshit and you had a terrible habit of falling for it every time. He cried, he apologized, but in a few days he was back on his usual shit. 

“But I am, I really am!” He insisted, tears pooling in pretty brown eyes. 

“Really? I don’t think he sees it that way,” You said with a jerk of your head in the direction of the limp body splayed on the ground. “In fact, I really doubt he sees much anymore.”

“But he-“

“No!” You yelled, spurring a flinch from him, “You always have some excuse but not this time! I am tired of spending my evenings scrubbing blood out of the grout!” 

He could only pout in response because there was no way of getting around it, you were right. It was unfair that you always had to be the one to clean up his messes. But he just couldn’t help himself, he was a killer by design. Not nature, design. 

You let out another laborious, tired sigh. It seemed that was all you did these days, ever since you had found Taehyung. 

You had almost hit him with your car. It was late at night, a new moon to be exact, the darkness thick and just barely penetrable by your headlights. He had come out of nowhere, his lithe body trapped between two beams of light before you swerved out of the way just missing him by mere inches. 

You could remember the feeling of your tight grasp on the leather of the steering wheel, the way your throat constricted and how your chest rapidly rose and fell, and the sound of catchy pop music that was so ill fitting and off putting for such a dramatic turn of events. It was ingrained in your memory, a turning point in your life that you would never forget. 

He was huddled in the middle of the road, his arms wrapped around himself as he remained crouched on the wet pavement. But you knew he was looking at you. His golden eyes were glowing back at you, like a predator glaring at you from the depths of the jungle. There was something inside you that knew that he was dangerous, an echo of intuition from thousands of years before you. But you were a modern human, you were good at ignoring your instincts. 

As you approached him you noticed several things about him. The dirt and blood that stained his honey skin, his taunt, tense, strong muscles, and of course the ears protruding from his thick, dark curls, and the tail that swung in agitation from his tailbone. 

Taehyung was, quite literally, one of a kind. 

An embryo spliced with the DNA of an apex predator, something that had never existed before him, a hybrid. 

He had hissed at you, stopping you four feet away from his crumpled form. His teeth glinted in the light, a set of fangs protruding from the top row of his teeth with a smaller matching set on the bottom. That noise had every nerve in your body tingling in fright, yet still you persisted. 

You made yourself smaller, lowering yourself to the ground so that you were lower than he was with your arms at your sides, every vulnerable point of your body open and exposed to him. 

You remembered the feeling of his nose nudging at your pulse point, the warmth of his breath ghosting over your neck, the rumble of a growl deep in his chest before it faded to a gentle chuff as he nuzzled his face against the column of your throat.  There were serrated teeth hidden behind beautiful full lips, one little bite would sever a major artery and blood would arch through the dark sky. 

Taehyung was a dangerous brand of beautiful. 

You often liked to joke to yourself that you were a lonely woman who took in a stray cat. It was easier to use humor to veil the harsh reality of what you had actually brought into your home. 

Taehyung quickly became attached to you, it was almost like he had imprinted on you. It was the only way that you could explain his sudden and intense adoration towards you especially when you remembered the way he looked at you when he first saw you. It was like he was hungry. 

That hunger was ever present in his eyes, buried beneath the loving gaze it's embers still burned. The fiery gold cooled to a deep brown, his eyes wide in wonderment as he watched you. 

You hissed in pain when he dug his fingers into your arms as you tried to help lower him into the tub. A hiss died in his throat as he slowly sunk into the warm water, a gentle purr took its place. 

“There you go,” You hummed as you helped him wash, the tub water steadily growing murky as you scrubbed the grime and blood from his skin. 

The noise he made as you washed his hair, massaging his scalp and the base of his ears, was heavenly. A beautiful baritone groan that melted into a purr. After all, panthers were still cats. 

When you pulled the drain plug and went to grab a towel, he spoke to you for the first time. 

His hold on your arm tightened, his soft eyes turned primal once more. “Don’t leave.” 

His voice was deep and raspy. It sounded like he hadn’t spoken in a long time, it sounded animalistic. It suited him well. 

Over time you learned Taehyung never wanted to be alone. He clung to you at all times no matter what you were doing and despite your protests he followed you to bed every night. He would wrap you up tightly in his embrace sealing you into his prison-like grasp with a leg draped over your hip. His adoration was constricting. 

“It was cold,” He finally explained to you, “They kept me in a room all by myself. It was all metal and concrete, they fed me with long silver tongs. I was always alone, the only touch I knew, hurt.” 

You held him tighter that night, your heart ached for your panther. All he wanted was for someone to love him, he was just as human as anyone else. 

“Please don’t hurt me.” He whispered, nudging the back of your head with his nose and breathing in your scent as his pretty fingers smoothed over your ribs in a slow, circular pattern. 

In reality, it wasn’t you that would end up hurting anyone. 

You had noticed something was wrong when he lost his appetite. He would stare down at his plate with a bored and confused look in his eyes, poking at whatever he was supposed to be eating with a lack of interest. 

“Please, Tae,” You would beg, using the soft and soothing voice you knew he responded well to, “Just a few bites for me? You don’t want to hurt my feelings, do you?” 

He would acquise with those big adoring eyes before taking small and faux enthusiastic bites. But it was clear he wasn’t enjoying it and you had an idea as to why that was. But it was easier for your own sanity if you ignored the glaring problem. 

It became unignorable the night a man broke into your house. 

Taehyung had heard it first, the shattering of glass and the metal squeak of door hinges. He had crept out of bed and stalked into the hallway, clinging to the shadows as he watched the man attempt to sneak further into your home. He was trespassing into his territory and that was a dire mistake. 

You were awoken by the screaming. You jolted upright and were greeted by your pitch black bedroom. The screams persisted, deep, panicked, blood curdling screams followed by a wet gurgle and then an ever scarier silence. 

That feeling was there again, that intuition that was buried inside of you that was begging you to lock and barricade the door and not go investigating the source of those screams. But Taehyung was missing and you were scared without him. 

The hallway was dark, but a single beam of moonlight shone through the broken window of the front door and illuminated the carnage in front of you. 

Taehyung was bent over the body of a man. His tail was slowly skirting over the floor in delight as he ripped a chunk of flesh from the man’s shoulder and tilted his head back. His throat bobbed as he swallowed, the blood on his face gleaming in the moonlight. 

You could see the man on the floor now, his throat had been ripped open and blood was steadily pooling around him. His eyes were vacant, his jaw was slack. He was dead. Taehyung had killed him. 

Taehyung was eating him. 

There had always been a part of you that had considered this to be a possibility. It explained why Taehyung was in the state he was in the night that you had found him. It explained how he had escaped that facility and why he wasn’t hungry for days after. He had killed and consumed his handlers. 

Despite the panther ears and tail, you often forgot that Taehyung wasn’t entirely human. He was so sweet with you, so clingy and adorable. But he was still an apex predator. He didn’t want to be fed with tongs or served cooked meals. He needed to hunt, it was ingrained in his DNA. 

You watched in fascinated horror as his teeth and textured tongue expertly removed flesh from bone. He was finally eating. 

You took a step back only to trip over a bag that had belonged to the intruder. Out of it spilled horrifyingly familiar items. Duct tape, zip ties, knives. It was a kill kit. Your breathing stuttered and your heart dropped. There was not a doubt in your mind as to what that man had planned to do, and Taehyung had stopped him. He protected you. 

His golden eyes were looking at you now, their narrowed predatory gaze relaxing, and his soft round eyes returned. He rose up from his animalistic crouch with a fluidity no normal man could possess and slowly approached you. 

You closed your eyes as he neared you, your body on fire from genuine fear. It was a toxic blend, the love and the fear that you felt for him. You flinched when his large hand cupped your face and held your breath when you felt his lips softly drag over your cheek leaving a streak of warm blood in their wake. 

“I’m sorry,” He mumbled, a stray tear escaping his eye and rolling down your cheek, “I’m so hungry.” 

When you opened your eyes you were met with quite a sight. Taehyung had always been beautiful, the most beautiful man that you had ever seen. But the way he looked now made you realize how sick you were. How could you think he looked beautiful with those full lips stained red and the glaze of a shed tear streaked down the curve of his face. 

Taehyung never asked to be made, and now he had to suffer the consequences of his creation. 

“It’s okay baby,” You cooed, your thumb brushing a bead of blood from his lower lip that he chased with his tongue, swiping it off of the tip of your finger. “Finish your meal.” 

~~~~~~~

There was a shift that night. 

The relationship between the two of you was changing. You could see it in the way he watched you. It was a different kind of hunger, one for a companionship he had never been able to have. 

And his regular appetite was changing too. 

You tried taking him to the forest, letting him hunt small and big game. And it worked, but the human side of him would often combat the animal side. He craved the complexity of hunting humans. He craved satiating his wrath against humans, the very beings that had created him.

Animals worked in the short term, but it was never long before another man ended up dead in your yard or in this case, on the kitchen floor. 

“You said it was okay if it was bad people!” Taehyung tried, his ears pressing down flat against his skull as his tail twitched behind him.

“Yes, bad people Tae! Intruders, rapists, murderers, not delivery guys!” 

“He entered my territory-“

“This is my house, Tae! My house! Don’t start with the territory shit again.”

“I can’t help it, you know that! You don’t feel what I feel, it’s instinctual, I need to do this!”

You gripped your hair tightly in distress before leaning against the counter and dropping your head into your hands. 

“People are going to start noticing, Tae. You can’t keep doing this. If it’s not the police then it’s going to be the people that made you and they’ll take you away from me, is that what you want?”

“No!” He yelled, grabbing you by your shoulders and spinning you around to face him. “I want to stay with you, please don’t let them take me away!” 

You softened as he began to cry again, his tears wearing away at you like they always did even though you were very aware of the fact that you couldn’t keep letting him do this. You cupped his cheek and lightly wiped his tears away as he bumped the side of his face against your hand before laying a bloody kiss to your palm. 

You couldn’t think rationally when he treated you like this. Your head was also hazy with desire when he did this. It was completely and utterly unfair. 

“Come on, I’ll put you to bed.” You hummed before taking his hand and guiding him to your shared room. 

It was even harder to think clearly when he looked so adorable, wide eyed and curled up beneath your blankets. That was why you needed the distance. You needed to think about what more you could do, you couldn’t keep letting him kill innocent guys whose worst crime was getting a little handsy, like the delivery guy. You knew what it was, you knew what desire looked like in someone’s eyes. Taehyung was wiping out any man he saw as competition. He had said it himself, it was instinctual.  

Your heart ached when his eyes filled with confusion and it tore in half when despair overtook him as you shut and locked the door, trapping him on the other side. You could hear him scramble across the floor and you watched as the door knob jiggled. 

“Please open the door!” He called through the wood, “Why are you doing this, please let me out!”

“Just calm down Taehyung, go to sleep, I'll be right back.”

“I didn’t mean to scare you, please open the door, I’ll be good I promise! I won’t hurt you!” 

“I just need some space, just lay down, I’ll be back.” You said firmly despite how horrible you felt for confining him to your room. 

“No, no, no, no! Don’t leave me, please! I’ll be good!” He continued to yell and continued to break your heart. 

You couldn’t bear to listen to his anguished, panicked cries especially with the knowledge that you were the cause of them. 

You could still hear his yelling and banging on the door as you dragged the body out of the kitchen, a long and laborious effort that left a large streak of blood behind you. This wasn’t the first time that you had to do this but usually you had Taehyung to take care of all the heavy lifting while you took care of the cleanup. It was a morbid, macabre chore, but one you had come accustomed to frighteningly quick.

In your backyard, there were several piles of dirt. Some had been freshly turned over while others had sat undisturbed for some time. Above each pile sat a freshly planted rose bush. There had been a time where your backyard was barren and neglected. Ever since Taehyung had entered your life, you had done quite a bit of gardening…against your will. 

You huffed in exhaustion as you patted the soil smooth with your shovel. You would need to pick up another rose bush tomorrow. 

You had figured this would be the best way to deal with the problem, and it helped Taehyung in some odd, primal way. Sometimes he would sit outside with a satisfied look on his face like he was proud of what he had done. You knew it was because it felt that he had eliminated another threat or competitor. It meant that he had you all to himself again. 

Fear and love are a volatile blend. Could you look past your fear because you loved him? Or did you love him because you were afraid? Afraid of what would happen if you didn’t shower him with affection and attention. Would he turn on you too?

The sound of a loud crack frightened you causing you to drop the shovel. It clattered to the ground and rolled over in the grass, suddenly becoming far more interesting than it had been moments ago. 

You glanced back up at the house and watched, frozen in shock, as the door was thrown open and slammed up against the siding of the house. Taehyung stood on the back steps, his hands bloody from clawing at and breaking through your bedroom door. His chest was heaving from exertion and anxiety and for the first time in a long while, he scared you. His gaze narrowed in on you, those panther eyes glowing with hunger and desire once they found you. 

With blood and dirt caked beneath your nails you were reminded of the kill he made not all that long ago. The fear you felt was all too real. And, on instinct, you turned and you ran. 

You really should have known better. He was an apex predator, he was built for the chase and for the hunt. You had watched the way he enjoyed tracking and stalking his prey before going in for the kill. But in reality, everything you had done up until this point had not made sense. You should have kept driving that night, you shouldn’t have brought him home, you certainly shouldn’t have let him sleep in your bed, and you definitely should have ran the first time he had killed and consumed another human being. 

Running was instinct, it was the only thing that you did that made sense. 

But you couldn’t make it far. You were exhausted from dragging and burying that body, you were running on empty with a dash of adrenaline. And Taehyung, he was stronger than you, faster than you, and could even see in the dark. It was embarrassing that you had even attempted to escape him. 

His strides were completely silent, you had realized he was closing in on you too late and within seconds his arms were wrapped around your chest and dragging you down into the grass. 

It had happened so quickly that you didn’t register it, you laid on your back, frozen in the grass as you processed what happened. And once you looked up and caught sight of his canines you began to writhe beneath him, managing to turn over and scramble a foot away before he grabbed you by your hips and dragged you back beneath him. He caged you in between his arms and pressed his body weight against you until you collapsed chest first into the ground. 

“Taehyung, wait!” You cried as you felt him shove his face in the juncture between your neck and shoulder. 

You closed your eyes then, waiting for him to make the fatal bite that you had seen him deliver time and time again. But there was nothing. You jerked with a surprised cry as you felt his tongue glide over your pulse point in slow languid laps. 

“Tae, what are you-“ He cut you off with a menacing growl, one that told you you were not going to dissuade him from doing what he felt needed to be done. 

An involuntary gasp parted your lips as you felt his hips grind down against you, his hands sliding up towards your wrists and holding them in an iron grip as his slow licks transitioned into hot, wet, open mouthed kisses along the side of your neck. He was making sure he marked up every inch of skin that was exposed to him. 

“I can’t help it,” He whined, his voice breathy and deep as he ground himself against you even harder than before, spurring a soft cry from you. “I need you.” 

You supposed this was the better alternative to him killing you. But still, it didn’t feel quite right.

“I can’t.” You groaned. 

A menacing snarl echoed beside your ear and in one quick movement he flipped you over onto your back and pulled your legs tightly over his hips. His hold was so strong he wasn’t giving you an inch to move unless it was against him and in the way that he desired. 

And in a moment of pure need he firmly gripped your jaw and pressed his lips against yours in a searing kiss. Everything about him was primal, even the way that he kissed. It wasn’t particularly skilled, it was definitely his first, but it didn’t lack passion or desire. He wouldn’t even let you breathe, your lungs burning and singing in desperation for air as he moaned into your mouth while desperately rutting against you. 

“Don’t leave me,” He moaned in between desperate, relentless kisses. 

‘Tae-,” You tried again only for your words to be smothered once more. 

“No, I won’t let you leave me.” 

[reidluvs]

Wanna say that again?

𓆩♡𓆪 pairing= spencer reid x bau!reader

𓆩♡𓆪wc= 1.7k

𓆩♡𓆪cw= dom!spencer, bau!reader, overtimulation, degrading, piv, hand kink, slight breatheplay.

You were the new kid at the BAU. While you were the youngest and most afraid, you were still almost the smartest one there.

Almost...

Of course, Spencer Reid made it his mission to belittle you every time you happened to unfortunately be near him. Constantly comparing your college degrees, and asking you questions that he knew you couldn't answer. You hated the sly smirk that would appear on his face every time your face flushed red as you left another one of his ridiculous questions unanswered, and you hated even more how the entire team seemed to think it was a little joke between the two of you. He was arrogant. Cocky. Completely self-absorbed. And you didn’t want anything to do with him.

Once during a case, you and Spencer were put on the task of solving the geographical profile together. You knew it would be a nightmare, but Hotch insisted that all members of the team need to be able to work together, so you unwillingly walked towards Spencer to begin to help work out the profile. The second he sees the anger on your face, he comments in his condescending smartass voice. 

“What's wrong Y/n? Scared you won't be able to follow along with what I’m doing? Don’t worry, you just sit there and look pretty and I’ll solve the case, after all, that is at least one thing you’re good at.” The anger that you felt in your body began to mix with confusion as he made that last comment. Was Spencer Reid calling you pretty? You didn’t care, because you knew from then on it was your mission to prove that you could keep up with him.

One day after a particularly gruesome case, the entire team went out for drinks. You had grown very close to Emily, so as you saw her walk in the bar you hyped each other up immediately. You knew you looked good, and it felt good to finally be able to drink and dance and not think about the annoying man at work that you had to deal with every day. Spencer didn’t come to these events, he believed they were a waste of his time and he could be “doing better things,” and it didn’t bother you one bit, as you drank more and began to dance with Emily on the floor. 

After hours of drinking and dancing, you and the other BAU girls were all sitting at a table just talking, and Spencer happened to be brought up. You began ranting about all the things he does to you that makes your blood boil. The conversation lasted way longer than it felt, you listing everything about him that you couldn’t stand.

“He always makes me feel so inferior to him, and he tells me to just sit there and “look pretty” while he actually does the work. It’s just so unfair, I’m just as smart as him.” As you finish your sentence in an aggravated huff, you look up and see Spencer standing right next to your table. You aren’t sure when he got there, but he stood in a black suit jacket with a dark red buttoned shirt under it, a few too many buttons undone. Something about this lighting made you realize features about him that you had never taken note of before. His growing shaggy hair, his piercing eyes, and his hands. You had never noticed his hands before, but you made a mental note to start doing so. 

“Spencer… How much of that did you hear?” You asked nervously, impatiently waiting for his reply. Suddenly everything you said began to run through your mind.

“Enough.” He replied in a stern tone and you felt a shiver go down your spine. “Can you come with me please Y/n?” He asked in the same even tone, and even though your brain was saying no, your body disobeyed and followed his order. You stood up from the booth, pulling down the short dress that you were wearing to try and cover more of your body. You felt exposed as Spencer grabbed your arm and took you out of the bar. As he opened the door of his car and guided you into the passenger seat, you questioned what was going to happen, but you couldn’t deny that you were excited about whatever he was going to do to you. 

The car ride home was silent, Spencer's hands gripping the steering wheel tight while the silence filled the air, and you began to feel more antsy as time went on. You started to shift around in your seat, crossing your legs to try and ease the growing feeling in your core, but to no avail. When you finally made it back to what seemed like Spencer's apartment, he opened the door and pulled you out of the car.

Once you made it to Spencer's room, he finally began to speak again.

“So you’re telling the team about me now huh?” His voice mockingly questions you.

“Spencer I didn’t know you were there, I’m sorry, I was just angry and was trying to get some stuff off my plate”, you tried to defend, but the look on his face never lightened during your sentence. 

“I want you to prove it” He states, no context to the sentence he just uttered.

“Prove what?”

“Prove that you can keep up with me.” He begins to walk closer to you. “I’m going to fuck you senseless until you understand that you will never be able to compete with me.” He ends his sentence and dives towards your face, landing his lips on yours for a kiss.

The kiss is far from sweet, with possessiveness and dominance oozing from his lips alone. You whimper into his mouth at the sudden contact, and he uses that as an opportunity to stick his tongue down your throat, exploring your mouth with his. 

He breaks from the kiss and leads you to his bedroom, stripping you of your clothes so you’re only left in your underwear by the time you make it to his room. He throws you on the bed and continues what you were doing in the living room, his lips slowly traveling down to the base of your neck while his hand also slides up your body as he gently places it at the base of your throat. Your breath hitches, something that Spencer takes to note but doesn’t address right away.

“I thought you hated me Spencer,” you breathe out as he continues the work on your neck. 

“I hated that you were almost as smart as me” He replies, words vibrating through your throat. You realize that Spencer always beloved you were smart, but he was just too embarrassed to admit it.

Spencer finally moves his hand to where you really want it, beginning to rub you through your underwear. You begin to whimper and squirm under his touch, and he chuckles at your reacting as he continues and holds you down by applying more pressure to your neck with his other hand, which makes you writhe even more under him.

Without warning, Spencer slides your underwear to the side, and slips a finger into you with ease. He works you open as you begin to get closer to the edge, whining and begging him to continue.

“Oh my god Spencer right there, please don't stop.” Your sentences falling out of your mouth in a string of moans, and much to your dismay, your begging causes him to still inside of you. He takes his fingers out as you clench around nothing, and he brings his fingers to his mouth, sucks your arousal off of his fingers, and makes intense eye contact with you the whole time

“Do you think you’re ready for my cock baby?” His question is mixed with a simple statement, as he begins to unzip his pants and pull his cock out of its constraints. You had never thought about Spencer having a big dick, but then again you’ve never thought about him “fucking you senseless”, so you’ve been wrong in the past. Spencer pulls down your panties, and begins to tease his cock in your hole. 

“Please Spencer. Please fuck me hard! I need you inside of me.” You beg, doing anything to have Spencer fuck you right in this moment.

“You’re gonna regret asking for that,” he explains, suddenly slamming into you. You’ve never had sex with someone as big as Spencer before, and the feeling is unlike anything else you’ve ever experienced before. His pace is relentless, leaning down into your ear to degrade you as he fucks into you, ignoring your protests as he deepens even more inside you.

“You begged for me to fuck you, so now you take it like a good girl,” he panted, his words instantly adding to the feeling in your core, which is rapidly increasing. You mutter out a weak “Yes sir,’ to which you feel his cock stutter inside you.

You can feel yourself reaching an orgasm, screaming out for Spencer to allow you to come

“Spencer, yes! Right there oh my god I’m gonna cum keep going please! Please let me cum Spencer!” You begin to scream as you rock against him, and luckily he continues at the same pace and allows your orgasm. You feel the familiar warmth as you finally reach your climax, body falling even farther into the bed. 

As you try to come down from your high, you realize that Spencer id keeping up his relentless pace inside of you, showing no mercy to your overstimulated clit. You begin to feel immense pleasure mixed with slight pain, but no matter what you do or say, Spencer is continuing his slamming inside of your cunt. 

“I told you that you would never be able to keep up with me, and I’m proving that right now, aren’t I Y/n?” His question is one that needs no answer, as you know you can’t lose his stupid arrogant battle. You continue to take his large cock inside of you as you feel yourself reach a second orgasm, but again he doesn't stop. He dumps his cum inside of you and continues like your just his sex toy, a mix of his and your cum dripping down your legs.

As you reach your third orgasm, you hope that Spencer is as tired as you and might stop soon, but the second he opens his mouth again you know unfortunately not the truth

“God I could just fuck you forever. How many orgasms until you give up? 5? 12? Are you gonna pass out from being fucked so much? It’s really up to you Y/n, cause I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.” You realize that you must admit defeat, because this is a relentless battle that you’ll unfortunately never win.

“Ok Spencer, I admit it. I can’t keep up with you.” You say as calmly as you can, overstimulation overwhelming you. 

“My slut finally admits defeat, I knew you would eventually baby.” He flaunts as he pulls out of you, cum leaking all over both of your bodies and he falls on top of you. He kisses you softly and whispers sweet nothings in your ear, and then he runs you a warm bath.

As he washes your hair and you think that being fucked by your hot co-worker couldn’t get any better, the thing he says next has you almost ready for round 2.

“Next time, we should see how many orgasms I can give you until you’ve passed out on my dick.” He whispers somehow sweetly in your ear, his words in complete contrast with his voice.

Yeah, this whole co-worker thing is gonna work out.

THANK U FOR READING!!! lemme know if u want a part 2 at some point with one Spencer said at the end 🤗🤗

[gachagon]

Eva's isolation from the rest of the class and the status quo

I want to talk about how the other students ostracized Eva the most out of anyone in the class in Edens Garden so spoilers down below

I think out of any Dangan game, Eva was the most isolated and ostracized. I've seen some ppl compare her to Sakura in THH however the circumstances surrounding Sakura's isolation were vastly different than Eva.

Eva lied *once* about her Ultimate Talent which isn't something new since it's happened before in Dangan games, and she tried to hide that lie from the others in a pathetic attempt to make them not look at the watches and check the report cards.

Granted, they were right that maybe Eva lying about her Ultimate Talent, and then trying to make it so nobody looked at the watches could've potentially caused more harm than good, since they're in a killing game. However, I will remind everyone that this same cast has stated that they're not going to participate in the killing game at all and will just wait for their rescue. Why would they need to "make precautions to keep everyone safe during the game" if they're supposedly not going to be playing the game at all? It's hypocrisy because they hate Eva for lying, while also lying themselves about participating in the game.

And all that aside...what Eva lied about wasn't that bad. She only lied about her own talent and didn't want others to know about it more, and when everyone found out about it they began to mock her for it. Pretty relentlessly too, almost like they're still upset about her calling them naive in the beginning of the game. Or for being outwardly distrusting of other people.

When the motives are revealed, they blame Eva for Tozu's own actions and decisions because Tozu claimed that she inspired him by what she said about the watches (she said that any one could use the watches to learn secrets about other people which was true and exactly what people used the watches for, and then Tozu introduced the motives.)

It's unfair of them to blame Eva for something like that especially since Tozu admitted to Damon that all the secrets were all secrets that everyone had already revealed unknowingly, meaning that Tozu was just being an ass when he said Eva gave him the idea. He knew everyone disliked her, and just said that to add fuel to the fire.

The way the rest of the cast treated Eva aside from Damon and Diana is gross and bad. There was no reason for Wolfgang to try and keep them from investigating, nor was there a reason for him to suggest they were untrustworthy because of their difference in opinion about the Killing Game.

The truth is that the rest of the cast would much rather lie to one another about their intentions and how much they trust one another, than simply be honest about how they really feel. When Damon and Eva call them out in the prologue they're met with coldness and open distrust from everyone else.

But the rest of the class is more covert about how little they actually trust one another, proving that they know Damon and Eva were right the whole time.

In a way, they ostracized Eva the most because she questioned their status quo the most out of anyone, and it was easier to mock her or not take her seriously because of her talent.

AND they're hypocrites for mocking her talent because Damon was the one who claimed "not all talents are equal" in the prologue, not Eva. They all disliked Damon for saying that, but when Eva was revealed to be the Ultimate Mathlete instead of the Ultimate Liar, they resorted to treating her talent as lesser than their own. You know, exactly what Damon was doing in the prologue. But the difference is that Damon had the decency to be honest about how he felt then even if it made the others not like him for a short while.

In short, yes Eva is a bad person, but nobody else in the class are exactly "good" either. You can even tell their masks are all slipping by the way they all cringe at the end of the trial when Diana gives her speech about adapting.

These people don't want to "adapt" and change to the circumstances, they want things to have a steady pace and anyone questioning that steady pace gets shut out.

[l-in-the-light]

Thanks for your answer 😊🙏 Another question that came to my mind when I read your post about Law liking boys: what do you think about the LawxRobin scenes where he tells her about his "D" (and that he trusts her) and the one after wano victory where they go to underground together?

You're welcome! Also a warning, this is another post replying to multiple asks at once :D

Law x Robin, huh. Sure, let's elaborate on it, but just so you know, my view on them differs greatly from how fandom tends to see their Wano interactions. I spent a lot of time analyzing it in my head (way more than any sane person would) so my initial reaction of "awww so cute he trusts Robin" kinda faded to almost nothing now haha. Just like I stated in that post, I think it was mostly about business. He wanted to know what the D. stands for so he approached the person who was the most likely to know some more information. Sadly, he didn't really gain any new knowledge. As much as I love that scene because it feels like Law is trusting Robin there, I think we shouldn't overestimate it in general. He basically offered a trade (I tell you my hidden name, you tell me something back in exchange - favour for a favour! It's his usual MO with strangers) and I doubt he would do that without any good reason for it. That scene has a different vibe from the one in which he shares about Corazon to Luffy, he's actually opening up and he doesn't expect anything back for it (you can argue he does that so Luffy understands fighting Doflamingo is personal for Law and to leave it up to him, but it's still just for that - so that Luffy understands. It's not a trade). With Robin he seems rather guarded when comparing the two scenes together.

I have my suspicions about their talk there. Law is using veeeery vague words when he claims he shares the info "because he trusts Robin". What he actually says is just this: "omae dakara hanashita" which means literally "I told you because it's you" and you can interpret it any way you like, Robin took it a sign of trust and thanked him, but it's so vague it can also mean something like "I tell this ONLY to you" and that smells of a hidden reason to me. But of course it fits Law's withdrawn personality to not say the words like "trust" straightforwardly, right? But in his scene with Luffy he is kinda openly emotional in contrast - he literally tells him Corazon was the person he loved who gave him his life and that he is deeply indebted to him. Law didn't use many words, but all those words carried emotional weight, unlike the vague phrase he used with Robin. But anyway it wouldn't make sense to say my conspiracy theory here without explaining loose links from Water 7. Also I'm like 50-50 on that and I really think fandom wouldn't want to get spoiled this way in case I'm right.

Their randezvous in the secret chamber doesn't strike me as romantic honestly (I know people love it just because Robin and Law are alone together and oh just few inches from each other, and interpret what Robin says as teasing, but I need more than that for romantic vibes, sorry :D). It basically starts with Robin accusing Law of being a hyena (at least that's how he subjectively felt about that! and she didn't deny) and he gets back at her for it when he shambled only himself to that window (he even keeps his sour face on when she's complaining it's unfair, he doesn't even want to tell her it's a payback haha). Yes, he's that petty. Don't you like it in him? I certainly do, he's so hilarious.

Anyway, the whole scene is just them sharing business together, and it's slightly hinted that Law was kinda eavesdropping on them before he actually joined in, that's why Robin's reaction might have been that strong and a bit hostile. Robin prides herself in being sensitive to people around and their intentions, picking up on the slightest hints other people don't (like she said in Water 7, it's her survival's instinct), but she couldn't sense Law so ofc that would rub her the wrong way. Anime especially did a great job at showing it, with Law appearing out of nowhere exactly when Robin is gonna go down the hidden stairs. A timing a bit too perfect, eh? I wouldn't call Law a hyena (he had perfectly rational reason to be there!), but he sure was so damn sneaky and smooth about it.

Anyway, I guess my point is: those two are very guarded people, both dislike to show a moment of weakness because they know it can result in deadly situation. And they're also both very business-oriented. If there was any scene between Robin and Law that showed them as closer to each other, it would be all the way back in Dressrosa.

Just look at the mutual respect they show each other here! Law isn't acting freaked out by Robin's powers (because why would he, right? His powers are also quite peculiar. But I bet that earned him extra sympathy points here. How many times Robin heard it as a child that she's a monster just because she has devil fruit's powers) but also immediately worries about Robin and Usopp's safety instead of his own. Then he sits down to talk with Robin, just so they're more or less on eye-level, that's really considerate of him, especially in such a tense/crisis situation. And at the end of their talk Robin tosses him a "good luck" (in Japanese apparently it's a different phrase, one you say before a battle), and Law says "same to you" which is the closest he ever gets to say something even slightly akin to a greeting in the whole series. Soon afterwards Robin notices the ground shaking and worries for Law, because she knows it's a sign that he's in a tough fight. This is a huge step for Robin to worry about someone she actually suspected of betraying Luffy in Punk Hazard. She was always guarded whenever Law so much as appeared on screen.

This is also a great scene between them. Robin can't understand Law's dedication to Luffy, she clearly thought Law is indeed seeing their cooperation as only business-style alliance, they share a common goal, Law shouldn't feel like he owes anything to Luffy, and so she tries to appeal to Law's sense of reason here. She does it because she's concerned about him, she reacts really strongly to see him defeated (he definitely has her respect for his strength and skills to manage crisis!), and even more concerned when she notices his severed arm. She tries to make him think straight so he takes care of himself firstmost, but it's not for herself that she's saying it: it's for Luffy. I think Robin realized in Punk Hazard already that Luffy is really attached to Law, so of couse she wouldn't want to see Luffy sad if Law loses his life here, especially not after Luffy entrusted Law to her. She must be really taken aback with Law's final answer. I wonder what she might be thinking about Luffy's importance to Law now, because I would say she kinda caught a wind or at least a hint that Law cares more deeply than it seems at first glance.

Honestly every single one of their interactions in Dressrosa is much more meaningful than anything they shared in Wano, where both of them are just honestly clamming up again. I mean, there is no battle going on anymore (they had conversations in Wano before the plan was set into motion and after the battle has ended), and fighting together tends to bring people momentarily closer. But we shouldn't forget that in daily circumenstances Robin will still keep her guard up and so will Law, because trust in an ally in a battle is different than being emotionally open to a friend. They're both smart and they're not gonna pretend that just because Luffy calls Law his friend, that for Robin alliance means friendship as well. This also stays in line with what I believe is quite realistic when two very traumatized people having issues to open up actually meet and interact. Law might know about Ohara from the newspapers desciribing Enies Lobby incident, but I doubt Robin knows about Flevance or would know to connect Law to it in any way (fics often make her almost clairvoyant how she figures him out, but nah, that's just wishful thinking). That shared traumatic experience could bring them closer, but I think for now it's mostly one-sided, because Robin has no way to know.

Damn, I had a lot to say about all of that, haha. I hope you had fun reading about their interactions from a different angle!

Personally, I think Law x Luffy dynamics work better overall.

Law x Robin:

two very traumatized people

both don't open up and keep their guards around strangers

none can cheer the other because they both have pretty gloom personalities

they like cute things

share same or similar sense of humour (though Robin's more morbid)

both very serious

both good listeners and observant

both independant

both like to tease/stress Usopp (they could form a "tormenting Usopp fanclub", they tease him out of affection ofc)

both like their peace and quiet but also to watch other people cause chaos from afar (unless someone provokes Law)

both cling to cheerful people, both remember their mentor's smile

Etc. I think they would be great best buddies in the longer run and understand each other on a special level.

Law x Luffy:

both like to cheer up people (Luffy's the ultimate person to cheer anyone up. And it brings this side of Law to the light of the day too)

both are reckless little shits liking to cause chaos and beat people up for hurting people dear to them, both don't know when to give up

friendship is a serious matter and so is trust for both of them

one constantly smiles outwardly, the other inwardly

they both know the pain of losing their most important person

one is a younger sibling, the other the older sibling personality type

they understand each other without words

take each other seriously (and almost no one takes Luffy seriously)

both are stubborn mules with competetive side

overdedicated to protect others and not care enough about their own wellbeing in the process

remind each other of people they once loved the most and which they lost

In the longer run those two will cover up for the other's weakness and could literally turn the world upside down together while laughing/smirking.

Summing it up, Robin and Law are similar souls, going side by side. Luffy and Law instead have each other's backs, complementing each other. I feel like it's really a matter of preference and I sway towards Luffy x Law, their interactions are just so fun. But I do enjoy Law x Robin, just more as a friendship. Tbh both work as friendships the best and I tend to prefer them this way. I just think the friendship Law and Luffy have going on is something extraordinary on a whole different level. They're behaving with each other in ways they don't really share with others.

I think it would. But it doesn't have to be his biological family for him to be happy, you know. Whether his partner is a woman or a man, whether his own kid or more like picked up and adopted, it would make him happy just the same. He has already his adopted family in his Hearts Pirates and Wolf. He definitely is already part of Strawhats adopted family as well. And who knows to how many other "found families" he can belong from now on! He deserves a family, he actually deserves more than one that he can call his own.

There is lately one scenario I'm especially fond of actually. If Law becomes a Strawhat officially and Bonney will be also adopted in the crew as a sort of "next generation", he would totally act like a father/older sibling towards her. Sure, he would still act annoyed, worry all the time, but deep down he would love every second of it. He could finally be a brother to a kid that reminds him of Lammy. Life denied him that before so it would mean so much for his healing progress if he could reclaim it. I think as a father he would still act a lot like an older sibling actually. The same way Cora-san is also hard to classify, was he an older sibling, a father figure, a younger sibling, a bit of each combined? Anyway, I'm sure Law would try to live up to his caretaker and return the favour to someone else.

No matter how it would happen, yes, having his family, found or biological, would make him happy. I truly believe it's that one thing in his life he truly wants. Of course, once he has one, he would be worrying and afraid of losing them. Perhaps in that case Strawhats would be his best choice; they're very strong people capable of taking care of themselves, so he could perhaps learn to believe in them, that they wouldn't kill themselves off the moment he takes his eyes off of them. He would still worry a lot and protect them, but at least maybe he wouldn't self-explode in the process. He probably still will.

Indeed it has been asked before :) but no worries, I will link you to the answer so you can read all upon that: https://www.tumblr.com/l-in-the-light/760279386040795136 Enjoy! Sadly I don't have any new thoughts regarding that, otherwise I would add some now :3 Maybe just one: it doesn't matter if it's friendship, romantic relationship, the progress would be similar in this case, or at least I believe that.

[bruisedboys]

congrats on 4k!! you’ve quickly become one of my fav writers. i always go back to you when i want something to read especially all you’re shy!readers! i’m shy and anxious as well and the way you write it is very relatable <3

may i request eddie or steve (your choice) with “do you trust me?” “yes”?

thank you baby! you’re too sweet omg. I changed the dialogue up just a tiny bit but the idea is the same! I love u and thank u for the ask x

shy!fem!reader join the celebration!

You’re nervous. Steve can tell, not because you’re being loud about it, because you never are about anything, but because you’re the quietest you’ve been since your first date with him. A first date which, although Steve thought he’d blown it the moment he’d called you pretty and you wouldn’t look him in the eye for five whole minutes, turned into you being Steve’s very new girlfriend.

He watches you pick at your nails, a frown pulling at your pretty lips. He knows exactly why you’re nervous, even though he’s not an expert at reading you just yet. It’s not rocket science — anyone would be nervous for a job interview. Unfortunately, you get nerves in unfair and extremely large dosages compared to everyone else.

Steve shuffles closer to you on the hood of his car where you’re both situated, his thigh almost touching yours. “Y/N?”

You must hear him because you stop picking at your nails, but you show no other sign of acknowledging him. Steve knows you’re not being rude, ‘cos when are you ever? You’re the sweetest girl he’s ever met. Sweetest and shyest. Hence the silence.

“Hey, look at me?” He asks gently, sliding a hand in between yours and taking your much smaller hand in his. He squeezes it for good measure. “Wanna talk to ya.”

You squeeze his hand back, albeit much less confidently, but it still makes Steve’s heart race. He’s new to your affections, shy but sweet and totally endearing. Every time you do something like this he ends up liking you even more, which is saying something.

Steve waits for you to look at him. When you do it’s like all the air’s been knocked out his chest. You’re so pretty it hurts, and even worse, you don’t even know it.

“You look really pretty today,” he says without really meaning to — he sometimes (always) forgets to hold his tongue around you. It becomes a problem when he starts dishing out compliments and you get all flustered from them. Speaking of flustered, you go all shy and blink at him adorably as if he’s the sun.

“Steve,” you say, almost exasperated.

Steve really likes how you say his name. It shows in his smile. “What? It’s true.”

You duck your head and cover your eyes with your free hand. “Stop,” you murmur, but you sound like you’re smiling.

Steve laughs. You’re the cutest. He’s called you pretty and you’re acting like he just hung the moon for you. He’d hate to see your reaction when he really gets going.

“I’m sorry,” he says, still grinning like a madman, pulling at your wrist gently to get you to uncover your face. “Hey, come out, I still wanna talk.”

You oblige, letting him unmask you till you’re flushed and smiling in the late afternoon sun. He pulls both your hands into his lap with no intention of letting them go.

“I know you’re feeling nervous about the interview,” he says slowly. “And I know nothing I can say will really help, but I promise you it’s gonna be okay.”

Steve waits for you to say something. When you do, you’re frowning. “You don’t know that, Steve. I’m probably gonna get all awkward and mess it up.”

Steve tuts at you, his thumb finding a stretch of skin on your hand that he can rub circles into. “You won’t. You won’t mess it up, hun, I promise. I’m gonna be there the whole time, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you repeat back softly. Your eyes follow Steve’s hands as he pulls one of your hands to his lips, his mouth to your skin. A whisper of a kiss. You go hot under his affections.

He drops your hand lest you explode into a million pieces. “I can even whisper all your lines to you to help you remember,” he suggests, half joking and half not.

“Steve,” you mumble, embarrassed now. You steal your hand back to pick at the rip in your jeans, a tangle of frayed threads just above your knee.

Steve laughs and is delighted when a smile works it’s way onto your lips. “Okay, maybe I won’t do that. But I will be there if you need anything at all, okay? You do trust me, right?”

You smile for real then, a staggering smile that makes Steve want to kiss you silly and then some. “Yes. Of course I do, Steve.”

Steve grins, feeling proud of you and in love with you all at once. He’s definitely taking you out for ice cream and a movie after this. No matter how the interview goes.

[earthtokhal]

At this point, either confirm it or stfu. This constant merry go around is annoying.

Daniel has not yet reached Yuki in points, but he has been picking up his performances and becoming more consistent.

People who want him gone fail to understand that everyone besides Marko is calling it a sister team, NOT a junior team. Marko himself has called it a sister team before. The whole rebrand was to make sure the team was able to stand on its own and get results, and now suddenly, the same shareholders want it to be a junior team?

To me, it sounds like a not so subtle way to remind the shareholders that Christian brought Daniel back as a potential replacement for Sergio and now that it didn't happen, Marko should have his say again but at this point it just looks silly, they've already told us why they re-signed him.

In addition to that, we've had countless confirmation that Daniel has been driving the technical side. He is the one giving feedback. Yes, the last upgrade didn't work as well in terms of results, but it was a whole new car, and we were able to overtake AND not completely botch the start. Both of which were difficult to do previously. And Yuki felt comfortable enough during quali that he said "that was a good lap" only to be told that he didn't make it. I genuinely feel like they will figure it out soon regarding the new upgrade. People don't want Daniel, but they still want the car he helped improve.

As for Joe, let's not forget that according to him, Daniel was supposed to be replaced in Miami, Alonso was supposed to have signed with Red Bull and a big announcement was supposed to be released last week. All this on top of his whole Logan/Kimi thing. He gets things right, but they are few and far between.

Whether he heard about the tyre test that Liam is doing in July and decided to put two and two together after Markos article and get 5 instead of 4, is beyond me .

Liam's result last year came after dnf's, but at the same time, he was able to keep it clean and drive a faultless race. His results look so great because, in reality, there was nothing to compare it to, Yuki suffered from some dismal luck.

Daniel isn't taking up Liam's seat. That seat was always Daniel's. Liam didn't "replace" him last year, Liam stood in for him. We must remember that on three occasions, they had the opportunity to put Liam in that seat, instead they chose Nyck, Daniel and then Daniel again.

Liam deserves a seat. As do Jack, Theo, Ollie... but expecting that seat to be made free by Daniel is unfair. There are multiple drivers there with fewer points than him and yes, one can argue that Daniel is almost half down in points than his team mate but then anyone who actually pays attention to Daniel's weekends can tell you how much of those results were not Daniel's fault.

On a weekend, when things align, even with a penalty for something that wasn't his fault and even with narrowly dodging the flying Williams and Ferrari, he will get points. In his short time there, he has already earned their highest quali and results twice.

It is also not surprising that Marko ran to the media a day after the news about Liam and Audi made its way around. Yuki's announcement was half assed too, less than an hour before quali just after news got out that other teams were interested.

On many occasions, we've been told that the management would look at driver options in the summer break.

It is also wise to note that Daniel is currently in a visa ad that will probably run for a while, I don't think it would be wise to replace the driver who brought in visa and is currently in the ad campaign by end of July.

Also, "sacking" Daniel for performance while, at the same time, rewarding someone who prior to the Spanish gp earned the same points as him in a superior car is laughable.

At the end of the day, Daniel and the team aren't only saying they're working together. We can see it. I'm annoyed that this is the weekend he is going to get all these annoying questions, but he has handled it well before.

Whatever happens, he won't go down easily.

Not without a fight.

[downbadmostofthetime]

can I be honest for a second

I actually kind of hate the treatment argenti got when he came out

sure. he’s a playable 5 star, got his own companion mission, and as well as a boss fight.

but comparing that to other characters, he literally got almost the bare minimum.

sure not every character has a companion mission, but those characters will usually be apart of other character’s companion missions or even in events centred around them (take sushang and guinaifen for example).

and while argenti is one of the few playable characters to have a boss fight, the others still have more than him

gepard may not have his own companion mission, but he was a main character in serval’s and even received visitor verification after you complete it, as well as the fact that he actually stands somewhere in belobog so you can talk to him whenever you please. plus he was also in the main story quest, just not as a prominent character. and as well that he’s a boss and is fightable in world 3

yanqing on the other hand does have his own companion mission, has visitor verification, is a fightable boss in world 8, had a very brief appearance in the main story quest (if I remember correctly) but was also complacent in two other companion missions (kafka and jingliu’s), and is available to talk to whenever you please.

kafka has her own companion mission, while she doesn’t have visitors verification. she’s one of the main antagonists in the game and is quite important to the lore (it’s unfair to compare her to argenti but you get the idea, so I won’t elaborate on the other things she has)

while argenti has:

-no visitor verification

-no appearance in any main story quest

-isn’t available to talk to whenever you please

-isn’t in any events so far

you can argue that “dr ratio and ruan mei are new characters and they aren’t bosses, available to talk to whenever, etc” but they do have main story quests (one for each actually), ruan mei has technically her own event (it’s based off of her own creations but they’re HERS and plus she has her own cat design so) and they both also have visitor verification.

maybe im just overreacting or just too impatient considering that argenti only came out in the second half of 1.5!!! and plus he’s gotten loads of attention outside of the game with hoyoverse buying the naming rights to a specific kind of rose species and naming it after him and holding a whole exhibition!!!! you know!!!!

but it kind of does suck with how his companion mission was so good, but the ending just felt very incomplete for me? like it feels like they didn’t know how to just properly end it so we got that (not that I’m complaining though I loved his quest). and as well as how he didn’t even receive visitor verification??? despite expressing his wishes to return???? they could just pull a seele, bronya and jing yuan with him but at least with those three they didn’t really have like an opportunity in the story for that to come around (if that makes sense) and thus them being added months later. but it’s different for argenti, considering how all three of them don’t even have a companion quest while argenti’s only main appearance is him having one.

argenti in my opinion is definitely one of the more underrated male characters and idk it just really sucks because I love him a lot and it kind of hurts to see how he isn’t getting as much attention as newer male characters like dr ratio for example.

yeah idk where I was going with this if anyone read this whole thing then hello I guess I hope you enjoyed that

[cherrylng]

Muse The 2nd Law - Chris Wolstenholme interview [ROCKIN'ON (September 2012)]

CHRIS WOLSTENHOLME INTERVIEW

Interview by YUKIKO KOJIMA

"I was an alcoholic in a terrible state, but Matt and Dom were always there for me, watching over me with kindness until I overcame my addiction. I was really touched."

You predicted last year that ‘the next new album would be radically different from Muse's previous albums’, and when I first heard this album a few days ago, I thought that was exactly right! How do you feel about it now? 「We're all very happy with the way this one turned out. The recording conditions were far more ideal this time compared to the last time we did it. Now that we're all living in London, we don't have to balance our personal lives with being in the band like we did before, when the three of us were living in different parts of the world. Thanks to this, we can now call on each other whenever we feel like it and work together on productions. I think this change in the relationship within the band is reflected in the album in a positive way. In fact, the mood during recording was consistently positive this time around, which is a big change from the last album in every way.」

You confessed in an interview a few years ago that during the recording of your last album, "The Resistance", you ‘only turned up at the studio on the days you had parts to record, and every other day you drank alone’. Since the mood in the studio was so good this time, does that mean this problem has already been solved? 「Yeah, I've given up drinking. I haven't had a drop for about three years now.」

How do you think your relationship with the band members and the people around you has changed since you quit drinking completely? 「It's improved incredibly when I think back to a few years ago. It was only when I got sober that I really realised how much I had done things that were unfair to my family and the other band members. When you're addicted to something highly addictive like alcohol, it's like your switch to everything else is completely switched off…… And even after you stop drinking, you need a period of time to get used to getting back to a normal life, and until you get yourself back on track, you can't concentrate on your personal life or your band activities. And because you get frustrated with yourself, you get into a vicious circle where you want to drink more and more, which is a vicious cycle that many alcoholics fall into and fail at. In my case, I was really lucky to survive that hellhole. If I hadn't stopped drinking at that time, it's doubtful I would have been able to participate in the recording of this album, and I'd almost forgotten how important music was to me, even the basics. But after I got sober, everything changed. My friendship with Matt and Dom has become stronger than ever before, and that's led to more cohesion as a band and a new creative drive. A few years ago it was a pain to go to the studio, but this time I enjoy working in the studio every day. I had to pinch myself many times, thinking, "How many years has it been since I've enjoyed making an album this much?"」

Now let's talk about this latest album, which is a fresh start. Which song on this album gave you the greatest sense of achievement when you were working on it in the studio? 「It's hard to pick a particular song because the songs on this album are all very different and each has its own strong character. The previous Muse albums had a variety of musical styles for each song, but when it came to the sound style of each song, they tended to be similar. But this album has a completely different sound style for each song. Every time the next song starts playing, it's a surprise. I think this is partly due to the fact that we completely self-produced the last album, but I think that confidence also led to the experimental approach we took this time. The studio for us used to be just a device to record our music, but for us now it's a place where we can do a lot more. And I think this album was a case where that was completely liberated.」

In the early days, Muse worked with producers such as John Leckie and Rich Costey, but what was the reason for not bringing in outsiders this time around? 「Hmmm…… I guess it's because we didn't feel the need to do so this time. When you make a series of albums like this, you get to know your own sound, and you develop your own studio skills by working with various excellent producers. When we made the first one or two albums, we didn't even know the basics, so we really needed a third opinion, but now we don't feel the need for that anymore. But to be honest, from the "Black Holes" album onwards, we started to wonder if it would be better if we just made everything ourselves. Because the only people who can express the true nature of a band better than anyone else are the members of that band. We didn't want to change our unique colour by introducing outside influences. Of course, when you self-produce, there are pitfalls, like you can't look at what you're doing with a dispassionate eye and become complacent. Especially with this album, we had gained a very natural confidence in our self-production, including that aspect, and we decided that it was time for us to become completely independent. We had already completely self-produced the last album, so wouldn't it be weird if we had to rely on other people to produce this album again? That's not evolving as a band, it's just regression (laughs).」

(laughs) Indeed. You have long been known as a ‘multi-instrumentalist’, playing many other instruments in addition to bass. Do you play any other instruments besides bass on this album? 「In the case of Muse, all the members can play different instruments. In that sense, Matt and I are seen more as multi-instrumentalists. Besides guitar, I can play piano, synths, mellotron, bass, and if I wanted to, I could even play drums. So it's not just me, but in terms of my instrumental parts on this album, I play a bit of acoustic guitar on "Save Me" and a bit of piano on the other songs…… Oh, and I also sing lead vocals on "Save Me" and "Liquid State", actually.」

So those vocals were you after all. So you wrote both the music and the lyrics for these two songs? 「Of course.」

I think songs like "Liquid State" are the most obvious examples of Muse's heavy rock side, but do you think the popular opinion that 'Chris Wolstenholme is the most heavy rock-oriented member of Muse' is true? 「Hmmm…… Maybe it's because I was listening to a lot of heavy rock when I joined Muse and switched from drums to bass. The style of playing when you start learning a new instrument is something that stays with you for a long time. But to be honest, in the last few years I haven't really listened to much heavy rock.」

For example, on the track "The 2nd Law (Unsustainable)", there's even dubstep popping up. Do you like listening to this kind of electronic music these days? 「When it comes to dubstep, we were all into it when we were making this album. The three of us used to go to shows together and we'd all find interesting music and play it for each other. The song structures of dubstep artists are completely different from those of guitar bands, and the beats and sound approaches that are completely out of the conventional song categories are really extreme and interesting. We were inspired to try and experiment with these new sensations by playing our own instruments in this song.」

I got the impression that the lyrics on this album have more serious social themes than before, such as ‘the current global energy crisis’ and ‘ecological issues’. Do you strongly identify with Matt's unique worldview and perspective in this way? 「I think it's clear to everyone that the structure of the world we live in now is collapsing in many ways and starting to show signs of danger, and the energy crisis, economic crisis, riots, conflicts and ecological problems, all of which have been spreading on a global scale over the last few years. Living in such a world, no one can be indifferent to these issues. But at the same time as these social themes, the lyrics of this album also have quite a few personal and emotional lyrics about the breakdown of human relationships and bonds. So I think the whole theme of this album is to rethink human responses and reactions to various events.」

What are the lyrics of your song "Save Me", which you mentioned earlier, about? 「It's about my situation when I was at my lowest point as an alcoholic, and how I felt afterwards. Those lyrics reflect my honest feelings towards my family, Matt, and Dom, the people who never abandoned me and continued to love me even though I was in such a terrible state and caused trouble to everyone for so many years. Normally, when you're in that bad a state, it's easy for friends who aren't related to you by blood to get sick of you and cut you off, but Matt and Dom stayed by my side, watching over me with kindness until I overcame my addiction. I was really touched when I realised this.」

Translator's Note: This interview is quite an impactful one to translate through. My only disappointment was the lack of asking what Chris felt towards playing funk music, just to see what his reaction towards funk be like lmao.

Please do support me via my ko-fi! ☕

[decepti-thots]

Tea emoji skybound?

Okay so I am behind at the moment and also, I want to do a full readthrough of the first year of the TF ongoing all in one go before the year is out and write an Actual Long Post, so I will not get too in the weeds here about specifics.

But I really, really like Skybound so far- the main TF comic at least. It is first and foremost just an astonishingly well crafted comic, from the art to the lettering to the writing. It works serially, it works visually, it works as a comic, in a way that is honestly not that common for many US comics right now. (I have been reading some Al Ewing stuff recently, his Marvel work, and I would compare Skybound's ability to make a serial narrative still feel satisfyingly complete in individual issues to the work Ewing did on stuff like Immortal Hulk. If that means anything to anyone.) Johnson knows his shit. He is writing COMICS, and his understanding of the medium is clear in every panel. (I cannot BELIEVE this is his first ongoing. Fucking hell.)

I also think it actually does something new with G1 reimaginings, which justifies yet another one of those existing. Sunbow is not, in the West anyway, a very widely mined part of the fiction for later stuff. Almost all the stuff we get tends to veer far, far closer to vaguely G1 Marvel influences. Johnson is taking those 'sounds good on paper, woefully underdeveloped in the cartoon because 80s Toy Ad' concepts and fleshing them out amazingly well. He goes completely seriously in on making that canon into a space opera that takes itself seriously, and he has enough earnestness that against all odds, it works. The earnestness is very important. It is not a comic going 'haha Isn't This Silly' at itself, which almost any writer trying to do this would do I think.

Oh, and it really makes the Cybertronian-Human dynamic compelling. If you want a work that shows why, exactly, the humans add something important to TF, I think Skybound is the comic that does that. It's got THEMES. It's got PATHOS. It's got CARLY, who I think is REALLY NEAT.

...I do not particularly care for Void Rivals, however. It is a very, very mid comic, though largely readable. It largely exists to me in terms of 'OK, it brought xyz lore concept in this month, good to know!' and not much more, alas. I don't hate Kirkman's work overall, but honestly. The comparison to Johnson almost feels unfair; there's just not that same wild creative ENERGY anywhere. It is a comic that exists to create splashpages in which you go. I Know That Guy! And I can't say I care much.

I have thus far not touched the GI Joe stuff. I should really do that, but. God. I'm just not that interested. LMAO.

Final thought: which is kind of ironic, because if I put this comic in conversation with any other TF work? It would be TF vs GI Joe (Scioli/Barber). It has that same deliberate engagement with the specific genre context the 80s stuff exists in, the sense of creating nostalgia for a version of the franchise that never actually existed, the granular love of and obsession with specifically comics that means so much of how the story is told really could not be in another medium and stay the same. Which is high praise, because I think TFvsGIJ is, in fact, the best TF comic ever written, hah.

[cynthesiscult]

I’m angry.

a guy unfollowed me today when I posted a video from a concert. a video containing music of my liking. this guy’s rich and successful. he’s also my age which is strange.

we met at the club due to the fact that he hangs out with people that are ‘known’ and my best friend wanted to meet them. we do like to socialise. so she asked me ‘yacinthi, can you get us in their table ? can you get us to meet them ?’ I said ‘sure’. so I just went over there and asked for a cigarette. they ended up inviting us to an after party.

so we ended up meeting these guys. we stayed together for hours, talking. it felt like a social experiment. they were amazed by me and what I had to say. I did not take that as a compliment. why were they so surprised to come across a girl who’s both pretty and smart ? why wouldn’t I be intelligent ? by the end of the night I was even told I was the most interesting person in that room.

the guy I want to talk about seemed to be fascinated by me. always tried to start a conversation. always interested in what I was saying. we were in his house by the way. when almost everyone left, it was just me, him and his best pal - who was also really invested in our convos. when I decided to leave, the guy offered to get me a cab and asked for my social media.

we’ve been mutuals for some time and he’s always watching my posts. and even though I don’t usually care, I got really offended when I realised he’d unfollowed me right after I posted my concert experience.

I’m writing this as I’m trying to figure out why I got so frustrated.

when you add someone on social media you do not do it expecting to see what you want to see. you follow them because you appreciate them and you just let them be and use their social media presence how they like.

maybe I got mad because I didn’t even have fun at the concert so it seemed unfair to ‘ lose ’ someone over this. if it were a good one I don’t think I would’ve reacted like that. I’d probably think ‘ fuck him, I had the time of my life ’ but that was not the case.

does he feel superior because he’s rich and successful ? do I feel small compared to him ?

do I feel like I need to create a whole new personality for every single person that I meet just to get them to like me ? maybe. it’s never really a ‘new’ personality though. every single one of these versions is an already existing part of me.

and I don’t do it because of my need for attention. I just acknowledge the fact that life is easier when people like you. and I’ve gotten pretty good at it… but I do not wish to waste my precious energy to please others.

I’m a loner. I’m never in the mood to be with people. I always see socialising as a game in order to have fun.

do I feel like I should’ve done something different in order to keep this guy following me ? maybe. but that’s so dumb.

we did get along so well. it makes me angry that people are so superficial. does he think I’m not worthy of his attention ? and if that were true, why is it making me feel this way ? is it because I looked up to him and wished he did the same ?

I know he fascinates me. he obviously admires me. why would I want reassurance over this ?

do I see him as a superior ?

do I feel like I’m behind in life just because this guy is my age and allegedly self-made ?

my real problem is myself , not him. I’m expecting more from me.

he could be mad at me too. I never texted him to thank him for the taxi even though I wanted to. I never reached out. I told him I was seeing a guy I’m really interested in. so maybe he just wanted to be romantically involved with me and realised it was not going to happen. so it seemed pointless to keep following me. to keep appreciating my interests.

now I feel the need to prove myself to him. but I also do know it is stupid. another mind game.

he’s not better than me nor am I better than him. he doesn’t even like cinema or listen to music.

may he discover the beauty of art and may I start being active and making money.

I wish to remove the anger from within me. I wish to find peace. there’s no one to please but me.

it’s time to release.

[loveaetingkids]

My problem with 2nd gen of Monster High movies

As most of us know,because of Monster Highs declined sales(reason for which may be parents' criticism of the "creepiness" of dolls) Mattel relaunched its toy line,with intention to shift towards younger audience by making the dolls more colorful and soft,which in turn upset the fans of the 1st generation of Monster High, and thus this brand was canceled.So after getting that out of the way,let’s take a look at two feature movies-Welcome to Monster High and Electrified-that were supposed to introduce the audience to a reimagined world of monsters.Were they any good?Did these films have some interesting lore or meaningful message?The answer is no.

1) Change of characters

While most ghouls from original timeline were mostly unchanged,2nd gen introduced us to a few new students:Moanica D’Kay,Ari Hauntigton and Silvi Timberwolf.As names suggest they are zombie,ghost and a werewolf.The strange thing is-we already had those?In g1 the leading zombie was Ghoulia Yelps,who,unlike Moanica,wasn’t the main villain but a geek girl instead.While we know that Ghoulia had an older sister with the same name,the reboot doesn’t acknowledge that,which would’ve made more sense if they did by adding a one-liner about D’Kay having a sister or by incorporating this information in the plot.Then there’s Ari Hauntington,whose style was definitely inspired by Spectra Vondergeist,which again raises a lot of questions-why did Mattel exclude Ghoulia and Spectra from the reboot?Why have they added characters similar in style but different backstory and personality traits without any explanation whatsoever?And let’s not forget about Silvi Timberwolf,who first appeared in Electrified and had a supporting role in the 2nd movie.The problem with her is that there is already a werewolf among the main characters, and to understand why Sylvi was made the same species as Clawdeen,despite the fact that the film did not focus on their relationship,is confusing.Also,the way Timberwolf interacted with the leading trio only once,never accompanying them or helping like most secondary characters usually do felt as if the film crew didn’t know what to do with her.

2)The portrayal of friendship 

As a franchise aimed at children,Monster High constantly raised the issue of how to build strong and healthy relationships, overcome certain misunderstandings and find common ground.The second remake,however,fails to do that.While we have to take into account that g2 has only two movies and web series compared to its predecessors tons of content,it’s still no excuse for poorly written interactions between characters.Instead of showing the audience different personalities and the way the mains different outlook can crash with each other,the ghouls instantly become friends at the first meeting.Not only does it feels rushed,but it also makes monster students all the more boring; the films basically gotten rid of their flaws,leaving fully positive,24/7 cheerful cardboard versions of original ghouls.

3)The message 

Accepting yourself and others as they are has always been an important theme of Monster High,showing it on the examples of werewolves and vampires, monsters and humans.Through certain obstacles the heroes are usually able to prove that it is possible to live in peace and harmony.In the movies, thought,all quarrels are resolved thanks to an inspirational speech by one of the characters, which instantly fixes everything.And it would’ve been alright if this kind of technique was used at the end of each cartoon-it was present in most episodes of original Monster High after all- but the problem is that this happens every 30 minutes(!!).Not only that,but the way humans accepted monster kind so quickly despite it being an important theme in g1 which stretched through many series and one full length movie felt almost unfair.

In conclusion:like the doll line,the two cartoons made a lot of questionable decisions regarding its characters. Add to this a poorly written plot and the deprivation of the things that made the first Monsters High so special, such as a detailed examination of superstition and eerie aesthetics, and it's easy to see why they were so easily forgotten.

[hotforharrison]

I was journaling to get my feelings out when I realized that a lot of the things that have been making me chronically unhappy in my relationship with my husband over the past year or so have all been because of polyamory.

I'm constantly comparing myself to his girlfriend, feeling like I don't measure up and that I'm not good enough. I can't seem to stop.

It's bled heavily into what was our already not the greatest sex life because of hearing her (an issue that comes up again and again) and her...enthusiasm, and also his enthusiasm.

He says we're different and that it isn't a matter of preference over how she is, or any of his partners have been in the past, and how I am. It doesn't feel that way, though.

He wants to have an egalitarian polyamorous relationship with his girlfriend and me, other than in the legal aspects that he and I have shared since well before our relationship became polyamorous (like owning a home together, being married, that sort of stuff).

The egalitarian polyamorous relationship doesn't translate into reality very well, though. She's very clingy and needy, and he won't tell her to back off.

She gets Tuesday and Friday nights with him, after he gets off work. They spend the evening and then night together. I don't bother them, period, and wouldn't unless it was an actual emergency.

He's set aside Wednesday after he gets off work and night for me, which is one day a week compared to her two. I've been willing to accept that, even though it does feel unfair.

She knows it's my night, but she still calls during what's supposed to be our time together. Not because of an emergency or something coming up -- just to chat.

It happens every Wednesday without fail.

What also happens every Wednesday night, without fail, is that he doesn't just tell her he's spending time with me and that he'll talk to her later. They'll chat. Sometimes they'll chat for over half an hour, which he doesn't see a problem with.

Really, he dismisses all of the things she does or downplays them because he's still blinded by what I've heard referred to as "new relationship energy" (NRE) -- that phase where things with someone are new or relatively new, and you see everything relating to them and your relationship through rose colored glasses.

I've heard it usually wears off after about 3 years, and they've been together for 2.

He and I have been together for almost 17.

My "martyr complex" has also been an ongoing problem.

I've spent the past 2 years now sacrificing my own happiness because I want my husband and his girlfriend to be happy, and sometimes those things are mutually exclusive, especially when it comes to his girlfriend.

I did tell my husband, though, in very clear terms that I no longer consider her a friend and have no positive feelings toward her. My civility is fully and entirely for his benefit and because I love him.

My last straw was an unprovoked hateful Facebook comment she made on one of my posts about a month ago. The post was absolutely unrelated to her in any way, and it couldn't be construed as such, so she literally just made the comment to be mean.

I was forced to apologize for something in January that she was partially to blame for as well, but she was not forced to apologize for her comment that was entirely her fault.

The rose colored glasses strike again.

She's the one who's on his mind, too -- the person he tells good morning and good night every single day without fail. He drives a lot for work, and she's the one he talks to on his long drives now.

His high school reunion is later this year. It's in the state next to where my family lives, and we've talked for years now about me attending it with him and him meeting my nieces for the first time. My eldest niece is 13, and he hasn't met her yet.

He brought his reunion up the other night, only his plans have changed. He now wants to go with his girlfriend and for them to attend the reunion together and to meet some of her friends and family in another neighboring state.

I asked about our previous plans, and he acted like that was a conversation we'd never had, even though we'd repeatedly had it.

It was honestly rather heartbreaking to be replaced like that.

None of these problems would exist in a monogamous relationship.

I did discuss my feelings with him as calmly as I could, just to let him know where I was in my head, and we agreed that I'd talk about it with my counselor, figure out how I want to proceed.

He said he'd support me either way, that I do deserve to be happy, too, and shouldn't stay in a relationship that is just going to make me unhappy.

He would like for us to work things out ideally, but he understands that might not be possible, and he wants us to stay on good terms instead of either one of us developing animosity and resentment toward the other.

I'm grateful for that at least.

[hydrangeapartridge]

Sooo I finished Veilguard (my opinion and heavy spoilers under the cut):

I'll start by saying I am a huge Dragon Age fan. Origins was my first RPG and that series is a favourite of mine. I loved all 4 games even if they are imperfect, they each have their moments of genius.

If the beginning of the game felt "rushed", as in unknown Rook thrown into the stopping Solas deal like that, and then having a list of people to recruit to help, the more I played, the more I grew found of this Veilguard team and this game.

I can't imagine how hard it must be to produce a game while taking into consideration the amount of things that happened before and please the old fans and new audience.

Maybe I don't need much to enjoy a game but after 10 years I'm just so happy the game is out, running without bugs, beautiful graphics and with writing that to me isn't bad or worse than Inquisition or DA2. It depends on characters and quests but I still grew attached to wonderful characters (gosh Emmrich...) and some moments of emotion as well as a rather good pacing. I'm not a hardcore gamer so my opinion on gameplay is what it is but I had fun in most battles and boss fights and didn't feel like running from point A to B without understanding what I was doing.

Of course I would have loved to see Fenris again for example, or hear from Hawke, but I understand we can't have it all. I was at least happy they mentionned Felassan.

Regarding the lore, it felt weird for a second having the crew dissect Solas' regrets and tying together all the secrets and mysteries of the world, but I'll accept it (I know, maybe I'm a bit too indulgent but it's in my nature, I take the positive side of things: we had answers)

With that said, thoughts for the last quest and the ending:

First, I'm so sad that you can't end the game without sacrificing Harding or Davrin. I picked Davrin first not knowing what would happen of course and seeing Assan plunge into the blight after him was HEARTBREAKING!!! I can't imagine being less sad seeing Harding meet the same end... There is no good choice, like between Minrathos and Treviso... but ouch it hurt. It don't know if they should have made more choices available for that part? maybe.

Then I chose Bellara to disable the barriers and I found it unfair compared to Davrin's end that she's completely blighted and then magically cured at the end. I would have liked a recruitment by the wardens for example (takeback to Carver and Bethany)

That part plus the attribution of roles for the battle was very Mass Effect like (Bioware duh, Kaidan vs Ashley is a known trick but I was surprised they did it here). It's a mechanic I enjoy (I kept dear Emmrich safe by my side! poor man had to climb that huge tentacle. That and the coffin, so much exercise in one day... Good thing he does his morning stretches).

The devs made an effort to emphasise that saving the world is risky and has a cost. I suppose it's a change from the perfect playthroughs you can often do without losing anyone. Still, I love happy endings so I'm sad about that part.

Then the Varric thing. I kind of saw it coming because despite avoiding spoilers, people talked a lot about him... And by the end of the game I found it weird that he was still in that infirmary. To think that I was so relieved when he supposedly didn't die at the beginning... I felt like a fool. I was an easy way to bring me to tears since he's a loved character. I was a sobbing mess saying goodbye to him and though it was an easy way to make me feel things, well it was well executed in the sense that they took their time with it and the voice acting and dialogues were on point.

The scene in the lighthouse with Varric's empty bed only twisted the knife in my poor heart. I was so sad bc of Davrin and Assan and Varric that the scene with Emmrich almost felt weird. I mean, it was perfect and a good way for Rook to change her mind and reunite after Rook was stuck in the fade (which is brushed over a bit too quickly. It has been long given they had time to forge a dagger and it wasn't emphasized enough I think). But that last romance scene was nice especially after they fought before the fight with Gilhanain (I like that a lot! made it feel real, and also I liked how Emmrich started apologizing during the quest).

Then about Solas:

I love Solas but he kept betraying us so much that I almost started not wanting his redemption XD. Rook is very kind-hearted to offer it to him... Let's be honest we do it for Lavellan.

My dear Lavellan. They didn't miss her portrayal. young elf thrown into a war, a mere mortal in pure hopeless love with an ancient god, robbed of her arm, of her vallaslin, discovering her beliefs are lies... Yet still standing there and forgiving Solas, offering to be eternally trapped with him. Her heart. I'm a fan of that kind of love story so that ending was perfect for me (ar lath ma vhenan <3)

Overall, it was a great experience. Made me cry, made me laugh, made me fall in love again with the series. What a day to live the return of Dragon Age, especially with such an active and wonderful fandom here (I know there are a lot of haters elsewhere and I'm not going there XD).

I'll do a review of the companions and their quests soon.

[kylekozmikdeluxo]

Yeah... I'm gonna talk about FAMILY GUY... Long post, incoming!

Actually, I'm seeing some talk about FAMILY GUY, specifically early FAMILY GUY, elsewhere. As of late. Because the TED Peacock series, based on a now 12-year-old movie, is out. And apparently it's pretty good? Reminiscent of the early seasons of FAMILY GUY, which people who actually like the show consider to be the series' best seasons? I couldn't tell you.

Coincidentally, I've re-watched most of Seasons 1-3 now that my Disney+ plan includes Hulu. The seasons produced and aired *before* FAMILY GUY was here to stay. FOX had cancelled the show twice in the early 2000s, and when it came back for the second time, it never left. It's now one of those long-running cartoons, ubiquitous with the word "cartoon" you could say, a new season almost every year.

I'm gonna be a total hipster and say that I was onboard the FAMILY GUY train as early as mid-2003 ish.

I was in fifth grade, and was at the time starting to stay up later than usual to watch a little thing called [adult swim]...

FAMILY GUY had just started airing on [adult swim], almost a year after its then-final episode - 'Family Guy Viewer Mail #1' - had aired on FOX. A classmate of mine had told me about it, and little by little, I was watching FAMILY GUY regularly. Even on school nights, low volume, haha. I didn't want to get in trouble. Life in the early 2000s was different, to any smartphone-era babies reading.

I didn't know anybody else in school at the time, sans a few classmates, who watched the show. It was like we five or so kids were the only ones who knew of its existence in my town (along w/ the original [as] shows, like AQUA TEEN and SEALAB 2021), which is kind of wild to think. I think by mid-2004, I'd seen every episode of the show to date, including the one that FOX was too cold-footed to air (for understandable reasons, especially in the early 2000s. The episode in question is probably tame compared to what the show would later "get away with"). And it was on almost every night, so I only had to wait 24 hours to see a FAMILY GUY episode I may have never seen... So catch-up was pretty easy!

I think part of the appeal for me - at age 10/11 - was definitely "haha this is a naughty show and I probably shouldn't be watching it" (though weirdly, my mother and stepdad let me watch a SOUTH PARK episode or two, I don't remember that show being off-limits) aspect. Another reason is kind of weirder, and I came to this realization rather recently-ish. Around 4th/5th grade, some things bothered young me. Growing up autistic wasn't always easy, and my way of processing the way world can be and how unfair life can be sometimes kinda... Made me act strange, in ways? I definitely had this "old soul" kinda bullshit going on at certain points in my kid life, when I should've been loose and funny and laughing at fart jokes. And I was at times, don't get me wrong. It's not like I was miserable or anything, or bearing the weight of the world on my shoulders, but some days I'd feel... Strange. And I was weirdly anti-some things that the typical kid finds funny or amusing. I don't know if I can fully articulate it now on a tumblr post, but the long story-short is... [adult swim] was one of the things that helped loosen me up a bit.

Going into middle school at age 10-going-on-11 (I started school early?) was not easy, and that accelerated a lot of things, a lot of feelings, a lot of complications in my brain... And my embrace of [adult swim] started to converge with that, and by 7th grade, I was really, really loose. I swore more, I wrote edgy stuff, I upped like most of my original stories I was writing to PG-13/R-level, I was a silly little edgelord sometimes. But at the same time, unleashing a lot of *that* after a few years of this weird pseudo-old soul nonsense, bad habits, and general confusion was a very fun and freeing feeling!

This is why, despite a lot of shit that should've made that time in my life a nightmare, late 2004-early 2005 was a really exciting time in my life. I think just letting the proverbial hair down was a big reason why, alongside all of my hyperfixations that I always turned to when things really sucked. Things such as Pixar movies and BIONICLE and Cartoon Network stuff and various video games, etc. etc. etc. And smack-dab in the middle of all this was my nightly [adult swim] viewings before I had to get up at 6:30am to wait for the bus on cold-ass mornings. FUTURAMA, FAMILY GUY, AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE, THE BRAK SHOW, on and on... It was the stuff I could turn to.

For Christmas in 2004, I was given a newly-released FAMILY GUY DVD called "The Freakin' Sweet Collection"... I probably wore that poor disc out. Creator Seth MacFarlane's 5 favorite episodes, ones that I still find to be bangers to this day, plus some bonus features. FAMILY GUY was a prime special interest of mine at the time, and eventually I went to a music store that went out of business many years ago and picked up the DVD sets compiling Seasons 1, 2 & 3... And subsequently wore all of those out throughout 2005. They're but gone, now... Though some stores sell a whole box set with like, what, the first 10 seasons of the show for a fair price? I may or may not buy that if the discs aren't updated from the original 2000s versions. Anyways, FAMILY GUY, yeah... I just really, really liked it back then.

Really, I was the perfect age for it at the time. FAMILY GUY has always been contested, regularly seen as one of the nadirs of animated trash. You can definitely make a case for that. As much as I dig early FAMILY GUY, some of its humor really has not aged well, and is indeed offensive in many ways. For me, I feel those pre-2nd cancellation seasons have a charm to them to shines through the more egregious stuff. A charm that noticeably fades away from Season 4-onwards. You see, being from Connecticut, where MacFarlane was born... FAMILY GUY is *very* New England to me. After all, it is set in a fictional Rhode Island town, the state the neighbors me.

The show started airing in 1999, and while I wasn't watching it back then (let alone had even heard of it), I feel a lot of the character interactions, dialogue, and setting really do capture the feeling of being there. In a New England state, in the late 1990s and early 2000s. Little nuances and such, the way Peter and Lois joke about things in particular. Such as this scene from Season 2's 'E Peterbus Unum':

I don't know how to put it in words, but it's very New England to me. My family and I interacted like this quite frequently. Plus, you have Peter's voice being inspired by a security guard that Seth overheard when attending the Rhode Island School of Design, a very New England accent. Lois, too, to some extent. I hear a middle-aged Connecticut mom or aunt in Alex Borstein's delivery, whom she based on a relative of hers. Maybe that's why I initially connected to this show more so than THE SIMPSONS back in the day (and at that time, THE SIMPSONS was on its not-so-beloved seasons), I was too inept to grasp THE SIMPSONS' wit. It hit just right, I think, back then.

Now, upon learning that the show had been cancelled and that it was actually coming back... Within a few months... You bet I was excited? I remember the Sunday the fourth season premiere aired, my family and I gathered around to watch it, and I just remember all of us laughing like hyenas throughout. The episode had so much wackiness and a bunch of cameos as well. We also watched the AMERICAN DAD! episode that dropped right after, but I mostly remember when I first saw 'North by North Quahog'. What a night that was, lol. And you just, went home... Didn't tweet about it. I didn't have any message board accounts at the time, either, so... A couple of classmates to talk to about it, that was it. A lot of my classmates apparently still hadn't seen the show by this time. I mostly remember being ahead of the game when it came to this show, liking it before it was cool, you could say. Once others in my school started referencing it, it was like "I had you beat by almost 2 years." I also remember getting a T-shirt depicting the Griffins beating each other up, as seen in the episode 'Lethal Weapons'. And I remember some of the other kids thinking that was so cool, and one teacher - who probably couldn't stand me, to begin with - calling me to the front of the class to see exactly *what* was on that shirt. Surprisingly, I did *not* get in trouble...

(Not my photo, this is from an eBay listing... But it was THIS exact shirt. Only thing was missing was the horse's ass portrait!)

Later in the year, a DVD called 'Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story' was released, which I instantly put on my birthday list. It was kinda billed as "The FAMILY GUY Movie" when it was coming out, and of course my 13-year-old arse fell for it... And wore that DVD out, too... And then it aired as three separate episodes - albeit with missing footage because this was a DVD release and not a primetime TV airing - the following spring. Still, I have fond memories of getting that DVD and many others. The early DVD era was just so fun back then, what with interactive menus and much more care put into bonus features. And with less distractions back then, I feel you felt more immersed in the movies and content on the discs... Just sitting in your bedroom, you hadn't owned a laptop yet, smartphones didn't exist... Just, entranced in whatever it was you had on. It gets even more bittersweet nowadays, as stores and companies are trying to phase out physical media. How obtuse... But that's another rant for another day...

I would continue to watch FAMILY GUY regularly, and then slid off by around 2008-09ish. The show was beginning to change for the worst, I felt, and I definitely felt that original spark from the early seasons was kind of gone. The simplicity, the New England vibe, the characters feeling a lot more real and not just springboards for whatever dumb stuff they were coming up with. Seth's involvement was apparently minimal by this point in time, as he already had AMERICAN DAD!, THE CLEVELAND SHOW, the first TED movie, and other stuff in the works or bubbling up at the time. By 2011-12ish, I was getting rather actively pissed off at the show, and only checked back in when that "Brian dies" publicity stunt had happened. Otherwise, I've seen very few episodes of the show afterwards, and most of them didn't impress me... Outside of, surprisingly, a few selections from the Disney batch. Quite something! If you time-traveled to 2004 and told me that Disney was going to own this cartoon that I was watching on [adult swim] late at night without my folks knowing, I would've told you to get out of town!

But I hold a special place for those first three seasons, and watching the DVD sets of them back in early 2005, as an unhinged middle schooler. I won't posit that early FAMILY GUY is some kind of underrated gem in the history of television animation. It really is, in most iterations, perhaps the personification of that old Chuck Jones quote about "illustrated radio". Television animation that you don't watch for the animation or visuals, but solely for the writing. It pretty much is that, even if the designs of the Griffins are instantly recognizable and iconic. And it arguably had a bad influence, not the fault of the show or its creators, but of the way things go.

I came to the conclusion that Season 2 is my favorite of the original three. For me it was the most focused, the characters were at their best, banger jokes a minute and clever use of pop cultural references. I can even sense some of Seth's Cartoon Network roots in a lot of it, which is no surprise given that this show evolved out of a project he developed for CN. Season 1 is only seven episodes long and they were figuring things out, Season 3 has highs that equal that of Season 2's best moments, but I feel that parts of it kinda plant the seeds for what the show would eventually become. It noticeably gets denser, a little meaner, characters are more out-of-character, it tries to be even more offensive than before and sometimes really not sticking the landing. And yet, that's mashed up against a legit emotional episode like 'Brian Wallows and Peter's Swallows'.

In fact, those last four or so half-hours... Especially with the redone end credits music that re-imagines the theme song as a big band production, there was a weird sort-of... I dunno, finality to it? And that's not counting the S2 leftover that FOX wasn't keen on airing... I mean the original ending of S3, 'Family Guy Viewer Mail #1'... It was if they knew that Season 3 was going to be the end? You had the aforementioned Wallows/Swallows, then 'Stuck Together, Torn Apart', then another "Road To" episode with 'Road To Europe', and then 'Viewer Mail #1'. Like four really well-done character-focused episodes with some heartfelt moments, even... And then as a coda, three fun skits based on wacky ideas... Like, had the show ended there in early 2002 with the recalled Weinstein episode popping up somewhere else in the future... That would've been a fine way to go out, honestly. Even as a preteen back then, I felt just that watching these episodes... So it was a big surprise to me when I found out that Season 4 was a go. And S4 would use that same 2nd rendition of the end credits theme, so that was even more unusual for me.

Yeah, FAMILY GUY... It's a part of my weird-ass life. And there's probably whole holes of other stuff related to this show and other things that I could waffle on about regarding my preteen years, but... I'll just cap it off here, lol.

[infiniteorbits]

and i wait.

i’ve gotten really good at writing eulogies. i think i write a new one every day, or at least once a week. “a new one” might be a bit of a stretch, they all kinda stem from the same couple of ideas. they usually start by saying how i was jealous of my dad, or that it was hard to be raised in his shadow. “in his shadow” is an unfair sentiment, and i note that these feelings are unfair of me to everyone at this funeral. i say how he lived an incredible life and while i felt hopeless because i could never be as amazing as he was, it let me be as much of a fuck-up as i wanted, because i could never be better. i say that i was always surprised that my dad was proud of me, when he went so much farther (further?) and did so much more than i ever did. he shouldn’t have been proud when i got a big part in a play, or did well on a test, or did anything, when you compare it to all he did. but maybe he was just a better person than i was, i say, and i hope people laugh. the one thing i had or did that he couldn’t do, the one leg up i have on him, was that i was raised by the best dad in the world. i got to be raised by him, and he didn’t. i probably wouldn’t say it like that though, knowing that my grandfather would be in the audience after watching his son die the same way his wife did. i’ve imagined giving this eulogy, or a eulogy, so often,

i practically have it memorized. he’s not even dead, he might not even die. yet. he will, and maybe i’ll give this speech with my own children in the audience, god i hope i give this speech with my children in the audience.

but then he starts talking about how he’s seizing the day, how he’s seeing all these places he’s always wanted to see, how he’s lucky that he knows the end could be soon, how people on 9/11 didn’t know and people who have spontaneous heart attacks didn’t know and he’s lucky. he says that all statistics are truly 50-50 because they work or they don’t but the next one is supposed to work, like actually work, but no one will tell him if he’s going to die and his therapist (his therapist!) tells him that he’s being unreasonable and they can’t tell him and gets straight with him about things like that and he likes that, he likes how she does that. and i ask my mom if my dad’s going to die and she says she doesn’t know and i keep asking and expecting her to suddenly break and tell me the answer and give a definitive answer but she can’t and she just sits next to me trying to stop tears from growing too visible in her eyes and i’m sitting at the foot of my bed and my mom looks so small and i want her to tell me that she knows what’s going to happen and that this is all almost over. but instead we sit there, and she says she’s proud i’m going back to therapy, that she’s sorry for last spring and that my dad and her were worried about me. i make some joke and we laugh and i later learn that my friend’s dad saw her a few days ago and she was barely keeping it together, that she seemed “really upset” and i feel bad for pushing her and telling her that i’m going back to therapy.

but i hate that they keep bringing it up, that they keep telling me things and i hate that i’m home and it’s not really home and i hate that they keep telling me things and it’s never things that i want to hear it’s never anything definitive except “we got the scans back” “it’s gotten worse” “we’ll keep trying.” it’s only regiments and circles and i’ve never wanted to leave so badly. the dorm isn’t my home because how could it be and now my home isn’t my home because how could it be. so now where do i go with this. i don’t know anyone here and i don’t think i know anyone there anymore. i’m supposed to hate people i used to love and love people i’ve never heard of. my sister drives me places and i sit and look out the car window and remember when we both used to sit in the back together.

i make my dad a playlist of my favorite songs. i skip the sad ones, even though those are really my favorites. i wait for people to tell me what i want to hear. i wait for home to feel like home again. i wait for conversations to feel normal again and to just feel normal again and again and again and i wait. i’ll keep waiting until i’ll find myself in a black dress one day, giving a eulogy planned out by an 18 year old me. i hope i’m left waiting a long time. i hope i’m left waiting for no time at all.