#comparing himself to Jesus so he can cope......

[miraofhearts2point0]

i dont think you guys realize how much (more) depth would be given to Niragi if he was raised Catholic/has religious trauma and im so serious. like dead fucking serious.

[beanghostprincess]

Opinions on Sanuso ?? 😁

this is like asking jesus his opinions on the bible but okay i'll answer your silly question (-> said by someone literally desperate to answer this question. thank you.)

sanuso, to me, is the most domestic and realistic ship when it comes to sanji. of course, usopp too, but i'm focusing on the one who has more ships than fights in this show. dude is shipped with everybody (as he should be. sanji deserves all the love). what i mean by this, is that their personalities match perfectly:

they're both insecure and have self-worth issues, but cope with them in different ways, and the reason why they're like that is their different but oddly similar pasts if you think about it!!

sanji has... a fair amount of trauma. my poor boy. he was born into a family that constantly told him he was weak and undeserving of love. he was abused, physically and mentally, and he lost the only one who truly made him happy. then he finally made it to the east blue, but even if zeff's a great father (we love you, king) his views on strength and masculinity obviously had a lot to do with sanji's personality. he had to learn to cope in silence, to deal with pain like a man, and to sacrifice himself for others every damn time, not only because he's too kind for his own good, but also because he doesn't think he deserves to be a priority.

on the other hand, usopp was born into a loving family, but his father and role model disappeared and his mom died when he was still very, very young. he had to cope on his own, but at least he had kaya. and the village. right? however, he has spent his whole life pretending and lying and not acting like himself because he doesn't like himself. because he dreamt of bigger things and he was nothing compared to the fantasies he told kaya about.

sanji is the dream usopp seeks, and usopp is the domesticity sanji needs.

sanji sacrifices himself and deals with pain in silence like a man. usopp lies and hides and runs from the truth because he thinks he's not good enough.

so here we have these idiots who do not love themselves but love everyone else with the biggest hearts we've ever seen.

and, you know, people don't ship sanuso as much as they ship other pairings. and i'm not gonna go into the whole "actually, usopp's ships are underrated because usopp himself is underrated and it has to be with him not following stereotypes and normativity regarding his looks and personality in shonen manga" but it's literally just that. i'm so, so sure the ship would be more popular if people actually stopped and valued usopp more... not gonna go into this. sorry. i just love him too much to not defend him to death all the time.

so... the thing about sanuso that makes them so special to me:

they understand and complement each other in a way i think no other mugiwara would understand, and they know how to deal with each other's pain.

(i know this is just my opinion and not an analysis, but i'm annoying when it comes to sanuso so i'm just gonna keep writing until my hands fall off!)

their personalities are... different. like. not "opposites attract different" but... different.

sanji masks his insecurities by acting like the gentleman he already is. he just hides his past and, when the situation comes, he always sacrifices himself but never says the reason why. he covers the fact that he sees himself as undeserving of living and being a priority by putting others first, using his "prince-like/gentleman" facade. we see this with women, mostly, but he's always giving and never taking. he isn't selfish. in fact, he's selfless to a worrisome extent (thriller bark, for example. skypiea, too). but he masks all of this just by saying he's strong enough to take it! man enough to protect everyone! and both can coexist, but it's pretty obvious that he wants to feel useful and loved and the use of self-sacrifice shows us both at the same time.

usopp, on the other hand? he's more fond of running away from his problems and hiding and using his "god/warrior" facade to cover all of his hatred for himself. hatred that not only comes from his past, but also from being surrounded by men who are stronger to an insane extent that's even weird in the anime fantasy world they're in. of course he feels insecure! he's not selfish, per se, but he's kind of a coward and he has this survivor's instinct that sanji lacks. but also, when the time comes, his own morality and good heart make him act beyond that instinct and he's the one to save the ones weaker than him (dressrosa).

okay, so, they both feel very insecure. sanji about his masculinity and worth, and usopp about his strength and bravery. sanji deals with it by self-sacrificing himself and using his gentleman facade, and usopp does the same by lying and running away. sanji doesn't fear death if it's to protect others, and usopp is scared of dying but he would fight against it in some cases for the same reason.

this is why i think they understand each other on a deep, intimate level that other mugiwaras don't get. water 7 is the best example of this, and it will forever be (along with skypiea) the best arc to explain why sanuso works so well. i honestly miss pre time-skip sanuso. they were so, so good...

and it's not only that they understand each other deeply, but the fact that they know how to work with it! their personalities match so well...

sanji thinks before acting and makes plans and his whole life is this complex recipe he has used ever since he was a kid to achieve the expectations of others, hiding his past and his fears. sanji understands people. he can read them well and knows how to approach them with a gentle, caring behavior. he's a sweetheart. he sees somebody suffering and goes to help. or, you know, he can also be a bastard and act on impulse but that's him too, isn't he? (by the way, not gonna mention zosan's dynamic here because that's a complete analysis of them also and it would make this thing longer). his actions are thoughtful but they're led by emotions and empathy mostly.

usopp is more logical and anxious, though. he thinks things through and tries to find the better outcome for himself and whoever he's trying to save, but it isn't really helpful the fact that he's an anxious guy with the constant fear of failure and hurting himself or being seen as weak. but he approaches problems nevertheless when he needs to, and he understands people and gives them what they need at the moment, if that makes any sense.

sanji needs somebody who will understand him but also will give him what he needs at the moment, and usopp needs somebody who's thoughtful and will see beyond his insecurities. that's why they work!!! they make me ill!!!

they're, for me, one of the best ships because they can talk things out. well, of course, sanji's repressed ass would have thousands of issues with liking a boy and also with opening up to somebody. but after seeing usopp is the same as him? after noticing that usopp's just pretending to be confident and he's also worried about what sanji thinks of him? it's beautiful. they could have, as a couple, such a deep connection!!

sanji knows usopp can protect himself but still helps him out all the time because of fear of losing him, and usopp gives sanji enough space to let him open up without suffocating him. they don't rush things. their thing happens naturally. gradually. it's slow and gorgeous and sometimes a bit angsty from both sides, but... it's the magic of a relationship turning into romantic when it used to be only a friendship. i love them so much!!!!! aghhhhhhhh *bangs head against concrete floor*

not to mention, also, that their canon dynamic is hilarious. usopp taking care of sanji at gyojin island when he's being uh.... all over the place with women, but also being done with his behavior is so married couple coded. and also, their whole thing ever since they've known each other is so so funny. because usopp can be as chaotic as luffy sometimes, when he's actually a very logical guy (he loses brain cells when he's around luffy and chopper istg), and sanji has to deal with it. and sanji is calm and collected but a fucking mess when it comes to feelings and love and usopp has to be the one to ground him. also, usopp teases him constantly when he flirts with women.

and, idk, their whole relationship feels very domestic and beautiful to me, especially after skypiea and water 7. i really do miss them there!! they're still boyfriends, though.

and also... gonna go into mbti stuff right now, kay? i love, love, LOVE sanji being an enfj and usopp being an entp:

-> ENTPs and ENFJs are both Extroverted, Intuitive personalities, meaning they tend to enjoy being around others and focusing on the big picture. However, ENTPs are also logical thinkers, who enjoy pursuing new experiences, while ENFJs are empathetic and prefer following set schedules. ENTP personalities should engage in casual, personal conversation with ENFJs, while ENFJs should communicate clearly and logically around ENTPs. -> ENTPs should be sensitive to ENFJs’ feelings by addressing issues gently and helping ENFJs feel safe enough to share their thoughts openly. ENFJs should work to focus carefully on the facts of the situation and avoid overly emotional expressions around ENTPs.

NOT TO MENTION SANJI IS 1W2 AND USOPP IS 6W7 AND THEY MAKE ME GO INSANE CRAZY I'M UNWELL-

but yeah, you can say i like sanuso a fair, normal amount! :)

(i'm not normal)

i just love how domestic and genuine their ship feels. because unlike their other ships, focusing mainly on either sexual tension or painful pining and devotion, these two have such a natural and sweet dynamic... it kind of reminds me to usopp and kaya, too! perhaps that's why it works so well (in this blog we support and love both ships. usopp has two hands!).

10/10 great awesome ship. they give spiderman x gwen stacy but maybe that's just me and my fantasies of them doing the spider-kiss with sogeking.

[jimintomystery]

Makoto headcanons

[Above: Uh, yeah, that's probably fine]

Originally I found Makoto to be an extraordinarily bland protagonist, which made him seem a bit two-dimensional. Eventually, though, I got a handle on the character, and saw at least some potential for depth...

We learn very little about Makoto in Trigger Happy Havoc, other than what he learns about himself from the experience. He thought he was just some guy, y'know, and then he turned out to be some sort of...non-giving-up...school guy. He's a blank slate compared to his classmates, even Kyoko, who is supposed to be the officially designated blank slate. His most distinguishing feature is the ability to chin up amid the horrors he's witnessed. I think that's taking an unseen toll on him.

When the Tragedy happened, Makoto reassured his friends the crisis would be over soon. It wasn't. When the Killing Game began, he promised Sayaka he would get her out of there. He didn't. By the end of the game, a third of his classmates have murdered another third, and the remaining third seriously considered letting him die to save themselves. When he came up with a plan to rehabilitate the Remnants of Despair without killing them, the Future Foundation branded him a traitor. Said plan almost backfired and nearly doomed himself and his closest friends. In the Final Killing Game, the Future Foundation largely went knives-out on him, and then a mind-control program nearly brainwashed him to kill himself. He doesn't process this stuff, he just puts it on his tab. He's running up a big bill.

I'm not saying all this is going to break Makoto, or that he's on the verge of succumbing to despair, or anything like that. The idea that this can't happen is what makes him interesting--the story won't let him falter or fail, so he just has to endure. He can't cope with his problems except in terms of helping others cope with theirs. In that sense he reminds me of Hajime Hinata, but Hajime is a surgically enhanced ubermensch, so for better or worse he's built to handle such weighty problems. Makoto is just an ordinary man, so it's kind of scary to realize he carries such an epic burden.

If I'm making Makoto sound like Jesus sweating drops of blood over his duty to the world...well, yeah. Personally, I am extremely tired of writers cramming Christ tropes into American superhero stories, so I'm loathe to look for one in Danganronpa, but it's hard for me to avoid it this time. Not that I want Makoto to be crucified and resurrected (any more than he already has been). But I'm intrigued by the idea of a Christ/martyr figure who can't get off the hook by peacing out to heaven.

Anyway, the point is that Makoto avoids his trauma by helping his friends with their problems. Which is ironic considering he spends a lot of time getting Kyoko comfortable with facing her trauma. Kyoko benefits greatly from having someone she can trust and finally open up to, so it doesn't occur to her that Makoto might need the same sort of help, or that he would hide it as well as she does. Overcoming that takes a lot of work, for both of them.

I haven't decided what sort of relationship Makoto and Kyoko had before their memories were wiped, but I tend to think it wasn't romantic. At most they might have had some basic attraction, but neither of them expected anything to come of it, so they paid it no mind. Even during the Killing Game, I don't think Makoto realizes what he's starting to feel. He's just curious about her because she's mysterious, or worried about her because she's missing, that's all. She's cute, but he'd never have a shot with her, so there's no point going there. Meanwhile Kyoko is gradually facing her feelings about him, and getting a little frustrated that he's not making a move. It's not until after they escape that everything hits Makoto all at once.

As Makoto learns more about Kyoko's family, he isn't afraid to call out the bullshit they've put her through. He's willing to believe her father might have had a reason for walking out on her, but that doesn't excuse the harm he caused. He's also not wild about her grandfather pushing her through the family traditions, and (from what I've gathered) exploiting her abandonment issues to hone her emotional discipline. If Fuhito Kirigiri ever meets Makoto, I think there will be a lot of friction there.

[ginnotwist]

What is your favorite jojo part? And favorite character? I have noticed that people who like both jjba and enstars can often be the smartest most nuanced people youll have the pleasure of talking to and i think you qualify

HIII okay preemptively putting this under a readmore since its just going to be me rambling. thank you though im glad u think my takes are good. it makes me happy to be able to discuss stuff (dreamy sigh) i love discussions

my fav jojo part kind of pingpongs between parts 7, 8 and 3. i think part 7 is exceptionally written. i love the characters i love their interactions i love their banter to offset the more serious tone and conflicts of the part. jesus christ corpse aside i think part 7 touches some very heavy issues with how johnny is handled and while things couldve been done better, i think it's good. i love part 8's entire plot and it feels like a murder mystery the whole time to me, at the beginning it feels quite silly but when the focus shifts over to the rokaka, the rock humans and gappy's origins thats where it starts getting really good. i'd rather not spoil since ik a lot of people havent finished reading p8 and i implore u to because p9 is just around the corner. p3 is just kind of. there. i feel bad because part 3 is just a hero's journey. it's not outstanding but i think it's charming in its simplicity. i like the characters and the stand fights and the format is silly and lets me turn my brain off.

ok fav characters... i'll try to narrow this down to 3. johnny, jotaro, and fugo. fugo probably the one i am most fond of (hes my milk webkinz). johnny aside, i feel like the other two are kind of simple characters but this is where my Tendency To Overanalyze Anything I Like kicks in so to me they're a lot deeper and fleshed out than they seem at first glance.

johnny, well...i see a lot of dislike towards johnny from certain parts of the community because of his (implied) depression and him being disabled. a lot of dudebros seem to see him as someone whiny and a "useless" jojo, comparing him to gyro which seems to do most of the emotional heavylifting this part. this is not at all true and i think both his and gyro's efforts are what result in them progressing in the race as well as johnny's own progress irt to the spin, in coping with his brother's loss, and finding purpose in himself. i am Not disabled, so i cant truly comment on how good of a representation he is but while one of his motivations is to obtain the jesus corpse to be able to walk again, this motivation is almost entirely set aside by the end of the part – and by the time he does 'gain the ability' to walk again for lack of a better term it's not at all the main focus. it's almost cathartic to see that when gyro passes away johnny thanks him for all he's done, but he's most certainly not making reference to his working legs, but rather, everything else. his best friend just died, and his main goal is to finish the race, and get his corpse back to italy. throughout the part gyro helps him find strength in himself to see that he is capable of more than he thinks (even though he can be quite harsh, i think this is exactly what johnny needs), and johnny's depression and survivor guilt when it comes to being alive while his brother, who he considers was better in every respect, is dead, is very realistic within the confines of what Can Be, in a story like jojo, and idk. when his neglectful father who left him to die comes back to greet him at the end of the race, begging for forgiveness, is essentially spat on by johnny because after all his growth he knows he deserves more than that, that he does not owe him forgiveness just because after years of mistreating him he's finally seen the error of his ways... stuff like that just kind of sells him for me. he feels so real. that and he's really cute and funny ���️

JOTAROS A BIT HARDER TO TALK ABOUT BECAUSE he feels very flat. in part 3 you can argue hes just some angsty brooding teenager who's mean to his mom and punches shit. which is true. that's what it is on paper. idk though. i made a lot of shit about jotaro up in my head so a lot of this is going to be hcs and my interpretation of him. but i dont think he's ever really had a healthy outlet for his issues. i love holly, but she's always just kind of gone with what jotaro wants/says, and jotaro's never really had a father figure in his life. ofc he wants to save his mom when he goes off to egypt, it's almost all he has. then in egypt i like to think that meeting the other three and becoming friends with someone close to his age, kakyoin, he realizes things about himself that he never really considered, or wishes to put a name to. i think jotaro has a bit of internalized homophobia in regards to kakyoin and having lost him, his first love, at 17 fucks you up. i also like the interpretation that jotaro is autistic and this is one of the reasons he has such a hard time relating to people, voicing his thoughts and latched onto marine biology which is something that persists throughout his whole life.

i think one of the best things about jotaro is that he might seem underdeveloped in his own part but then in p4+p6 when he shows up enough has happened to him that you can infer some of his development behind the scenes. by p4 we know he has jolyne but travels around a lot and we know nothing about his spouse so we can assume his relationship with her isnt the best (this is confirmed in p6). going back to the internalized homophobia i think jotaro would take on a spouse because of comphet and because he feels like this is something that should be normal. keep in mind his father was also never around while he was growing up, so again traveling around and not spending time with his daughter, spending more time on speedwagon foundation business and his studies, and it never once occurs to him that this might not be the best thing to do (at the time). he's a lot more mature now and knows he cant use violence to solve everything, which is good, and tries to form lasting relationships with josuke, koichi and okuyasu. he's trying to make progress

and then p6 rolls around and jolyne is grown up and we find out that yeah jotaro was a pretty shit dad. our suspicions were correct. he was never around, he's always had fights with jolyne’s mother not because hes violent but because hes completely disinterested. again, the comphet, but also: he's out of the house all of the time on spf business because he wants to keep jolyne safe. to this day the effects and losses of egypt still rest heavy on him and marine biologist work aside he doesn't want the same fate to befall jolyne. him sending her the brooch is a last resort for her to protect herself. when hes awake during the part he's trying to make it up to jolyne, in his own way, and he loves and protects his daughter until his dying breath (this brought me to tears, btw part 6 is a ride). also i rly think he loved kakyoin his whole life. idk. i think jotaro can be pretty tragic depending on how you see him. which is why i love him but he also makes me sad as fuck because i think after p3 he spends his whole life lamenting the trauma he suffered when he was 17 and forcing himself to suck it up; ofc this doesnt excuse him being a shitty father to jolyne, i think she deserves better, but... you know

NOW FUGO!!!!!!! This is all going to sound delusional. bear with me. fugo is literally in p5 for like 2 milliseconds so ill explain how /i/ see him. but also keep in mind ive read phf like 3 times. OK SO fugo is this moody ass 16 year old with extreme anger issues -- while most of the time hes mature, good with people with only a bit of snark, he has an explosive temper that stemmed from his childhood. he was a prodigy child, he got into university at the age of 13, but was for the most part neglected by his family (not including his grandmother), his parents only looking after him/demanding More from him when it came to his studies/extracurricular activities. his family is new money, so they need fugo to excel in life to ensure that they are not taken lightly.

here is where stuff kind of varies: in the anime, he is almost sexually harassed by a much older uni professor and in a fit of rage beats him over the head with a heavy book. in the novel and the manga i think it just comes from the teacher mocking him (in the novel he gets pissed off because his grandmother died prior and the teacher belittled him for failing an exam when he had requested to not take it) but the consequence is the same: hes kicked out of uni and disowned by his family to not blunder the family name, making him homeless. time goes by and he's taken in by bruno and hes the first one to join his gang under the guise of needing a "level head" (ironic bc bruno knows why fugo ended up on the streets).

then the actual events of p5 happen and he actually leaves the gang really early on as bruno had decided to betray the boss. fugo is inept emotionally and prefers to not face the wrath of the boss, narrowly avoiding his own death LOL and then being like ok why did they ditch me. 

he doesnt understand why bruno and the rest of the gang would throw away their lives for some girl theyd just met. he's logical, emotion-driven only when it comes to himself. hes moody, as a teenager should be, but after joining brunos gang becomes heavily reliant on routine, on being told what to do, and despite all of the gang related activities they carry out, is likely the only time he's ever been able to be a kid/someone's child. from here on we dont see him at all unless you read his spin-off novel which is technically not considered canon by a lot of ppl bc its not by araki, but its overseen by him and the illustrations included are all provided by him. but basically i like fugo for a lot of the same reasons i like kakyoin: that being hes a socially inept introvert who had no friends until the main story and didnt realize what they had until it was too late

(PHF SUMMARY HERE) after the events of p5, with bruno, abbacchio and narancia dead, giorno as the head of the mafia seeks him out to carry out a mission to exterminate the head (happens to be an old university classmate of his) of this group selling drugs under the passione's name. essentially a suicide mission if it goes wrong. hes tasked to go with sheila e. (girl, same age as boss' daughter approx.) and murolo (middle aged man). they butt heads quite a bit but grow rather close. thru various parts of the novel hes still on some Dumb shit with his anger issues like nearly killing sheila e. when she caught him while he was falling bc he was still seeing red from the enemy. otherwise this part he just kinda comes off as depressed, less explosive. without going into much detail about the fights or what actually happens, he begins to trust people, i think. he doesnt see Everything as if the world was against him and it makes me rly happy for him. like up until this point hes never been Alone alone, but has alienated himself from others bc he feels that they dont understand, or that theyre too different from him, too dumb. very this ⬇️

im going to link to a post i wrote a while back about some phf fugo thoughts because this post is already long enough

anyways i think im done here. i hope this was satisfying and good. i went on a bit of a tangent irt fugo and jotaro because i feel like unlike johnny people dont really tend to look at them with the same depth. i also think i am just out of my mind. if youve read this far i love you

[mirrorofprinces]

ao3 wrapped ask: 3, 5, 6, 12, 17, 18, 19, 20, 28, 29, 30!

answered 17, 28, 29 <3

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)? i thinkkkk i can't stop and look the other way. i knew for sure i wanted to play with infidelity kink (and my original idea was actually for the infidelity to be real lol) but i chickened out and just made it a roleplay, and even clearly tagged it as such, but i'm proud of how i pulled it off in a way that a bunch of people commented saying they forgot or didn't realize it was roleplay hehe. maybe i'll write actual infidelity one day! who knows

5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected? god, that's gotta be give it to ya like you never had it. i truly didn't expect the response it's gotten because there was already a super popular pornstar AU fic, so i knew my second cake would just be a humble offering in comparison, but i think a lot of people really liked the way i wrote them here where i had fun exploring their personalities outside of mafia canon.

6. Favorite title you used? oh, i hate all my titles, i literally don't think of a title until 30 seconds before posting, and then i end up using whatever song i was listening to while writing...

12. How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year? jesus christ. you don't wanna know. it's in the double digits for sure lmao ><

18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year? i don't know that it's been one character consistently in my posted fics, but i can admit that the "character" in my rpf WIPs that's been giving me hell is apo. he is so hard to write!

19. What’s one pairing you want to explore next year? i guess i can technically say mileapo since i haven't finished or posted any mileapo fics yet. but another kp ship i want to try is (unpopular opinion alert) vegasporsche. hear me out!! they might suck together in the series, but they have a different dynamic in the novel, and their relationship is more genuine (not FULLY genuine but like, more than in the show lol, like they become friends and vegas develops actual feelings for porsche and everything). but i just don't know if i'll ever actually write them because i would need the perfect idea or AU and it hasn't come to me yet.

20. Which work of yours have you reread the most? probably down like my head on your chest, because i THINK it's my fav la fortissimo fic. i'm just really happy with the scenes i chose to hornify, plus the hallway-semi-public-masturbation bit was a huge turning point for porsche where he was given full control of the situation for once and he still chose to submit. you don't really get this because it's in porsche pov, but from that point on in the series, you notice kinn ends up "playing with porsche's emotions" a lot more (ie. having him drive his twinks home, fucking a lot more escorts, shutting down conversations about their feelings) and that's actually kinn poorly coping with porsche's unwavering trust by trying to prove to himself that he doesn't feel anything for porsche, which we all know is a BIG FAT LIE. but anyways. no one reads into the story this deeply, i know you're all just here for the smut <3

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year? my biggest surprise is that i can write again LMAO. before kp brainrot, i went like a full 2 calendar years without writing anything because i was so uninspired, plus constantly comparing myself to the thousands of better writers in the huge fandom i was in at the time. kp also has incredible writers but it's a much smaller fandom and i feel a lot less self-conscious posting here. i remember in my old fandom, i literally couldn't even tweet about an idea i had that i wanted to write without getting a dozen replies from people saying "there's already a fic like that", which is like, ok, i know none of my ideas were especially original, but getting that response constantly made me feel like my writing just wasn't welcome. oh well. with kp being a new and small fandom, nothing feels "overdone" yet, so i'm having a lot of fun in this playground!

[mickgaydolenz]

im noticing a theme in my astro studies how extremely pin-point accurate Peter’s chart is. the thing is throughout my studies with the others it’s been a constant stream of “well maybe” or “not sure if they would do/say/think this”, but everything we have publicly on Peter just hits the notes on all of these placements and aspects. i think that goes to show not only how open he was as a person, compared to the others in which i have to invest time and energy in finding pieces of information for in order to confirm things in my observations, but also how aligned he was with himself and his awareness of his problems in life and how to cope with them.

that may have everything to do with just how strong his Part Of Fortune (POF) in the first house in Scorpio is. any placements in the first house become personalized and part of that persons personality, and POF is a type of object in arabic astrology that bled into traditional greek astrology (which is what i & everyone else uses) meaning that wherever it lands in the house, that’s where someone will be most fortunate in.

later on in life Peter expressed how much he was dedicated to essentially finding himself and learning who he is and was as a person, which completely fits because the themes of Scorpio are all about transformation, metaphorical death, changes and regeneration. its too bad they don’t work with his malefic planets (Saturn, and more specifically Mars) in the 7th house, which definitely caused difficulties for him all on its own, so it’s very possible his partnerships, marriages and relationships just simply didn’t understand this need to find one’s self and only added extra strain on his commitments to others.

at his worst, he was broke and struggled with alcoholism, which Scorpio has problems with also (money loss and drug addiction). but these things shook off when he took hold of his life and placed himself back into stability, because Scorpio has crazy regenerative powers. this can also be hinted at with his Jupiter in the 8th house.

so what im getting at is tl;dr Peter’s chart is very easy to read 😅

dude that’s so fucking fascinating!!! it’s wild how well all of that explains/aligns with peter’s life. like jesus man, there is so much more to astrology then i ever thought, kale you are seriously grinding that grind so hard and i respect you so much for it 🫡.

[lesewut]

Guilt and guilt consciousness - The righteous always accuses himself first

It is difficult to compare oneself with others, to find criteria for a yardstick and to use these as a guideline according to selected criteria. In the manifold development of man, the course for later development is set in the initial phases of his being. The family, which should give the child its roots and wings, becomes a means of interpreting and coping with life, whether consciously or unconsciously. One does not outgrow childhood, it rather enlarges over time as if it’s seen under a microscope.

Genet, who did not know his biological parents and grew up with foster parents, stole from them at a young age and later explained that he only became a criminal because society had chosen him to be one. This phenomenon is not new, but it can be applied to Genet's biography (before he was recognized by the philosophers), who, as many indications show, chose a life of crime for autonomous reasons.

After all, anything that seems too dangerous as an idea, too unruly for the people's concept of freedom and their intellectual autonomy, is sanctioned and stifled. Be it the ideas of Socrates (he was accused for corrupting the youth, although he wanted to increase the ability to think through dialectics and the principle of questioning), Jesus (charity and forgiveness, in a society in which the talion principle, ius talionis, was seen as necessary retribution) or Bruno (a sad proof of the lacking development in knowledge, when discoveries are considered as blasphemous…) , shook the given structures of order and wanted to help find the truth more deeply. However, by considering their ideas to be crimes, establishing their culpability for their actions and emphasising their danger to society, the subsequent punishment was intended to restore justice.

The perpetrator's guilt as the basis for the imposition of punishment seemed arbitrary; it pursued purposes other than that of being a response to alleged misbehaviour. It often served to uphold political and economic interests.

Further and yet different examples of the phenomenon of society producing the criminal are from the literary world e.g. Edmond Dantés (The Count of Monte Cristo) and Jean Valjean (Les Misérables), whereby Dantés was falsely accused and had to endure as a political prisoner in the dungeons of the castle of If for a crime he never committed (until his legendary escape, and, as a result of his fourteen years of imprisonment, he first sought the criminal logic of retribution) and Jean Valjean, despite his hard work and endeavours, was unable to provide his seven nieces and nephews with a crumb of bread to live on: He stole so that others would not starve and served his sentence in the galleys, but wasn't it already a crime to keep bread in a gilded cage far away from the toiling people?

Genet deliberately broke with morality, not for reasons of hunger or life support, but out of poetic fascination with the life of a criminal. He banished himself from the circle of the so-called righteous, his sympathy was with crime and criminals, he downright loved them, but he also loved the punishment that came with a criminal offence, as he himself emphasises:

"But if I love their crimes, it is for the share of punishment that it contains (...) and so I want to love them so that my love finds fulfilment." [24]

He seemed to seek misfortune for his sense of beauty, the rough and hard was just as necessary for it, he liked to feel hurt and outcast in his delicacy, and yet Genet felt a great bond with creation, although he always saw it in terms of the separation between criminals and others:

"I wish to become a multitude, my companions from misery, the children of misfortune. I envy them for the fame which they separate and which I use for less pure purposes. Talent is courtesy to matter; its essence is to give song to mute things. My talent is my love for what makes up the world of prisons and bagnos. Not as if I wanted to transform them, to lead them towards your life, or as if I granted them indulgence and pity: for me, thieves, traitors, murderers, villains and swindlers have a deep - an empty beauty that I deny you!" [108]

The application of criminal law is the postulate, closely linked to the idea of human dignity, that someone may only be punished for an offence if this offence can be imputed to him as a personally attributable wrong. Was Genet compelled to commit a crime for heteronomous reasons, like Jean Valjean, in order not to watch children starve to death, or were his extraordinary deeds declared crimes because the power-elite saw them as having too great a revolutionary force?

In the newspaper article above, Genet compares himself very unhappily with Kafka, with a person who- beginning from early childhood, felt guilty for everything, because his father blamed and accused him for everything. The invisible judge, who manifests himself not only in his works, is an integral part of his personality. An opaque judicial system that passes bureaucratic and impersonal judgement on people, condemns them and keeps their entire lives behind a file number. A maze of paragraphs and legal definitions, endlessly long corridors where artificial light makes you forget the night. Judges and lawyers, statues of the law, cold, deaf, mute.

The righteous man is in an eternal trial against himself, conscience as the voice of reason and there will always be a reason to feel guilty, be it because one is better off than others and feels the pain of the world (Weltschmerz) or because the universal capacity for guilt is a relic from original sin? The idea becomes even clearer in view of the climate crisis: our carbon footprint and the consequences for the world and posterity.

Genet may have consciously withdrawn from the system of bureaucratised work, he certainly never experienced the pressure and irrationality of ordinary life, yet he condemns Kafka and his art, even though he himself should have realised that he lacks the moral organ to put himself in the Kafkaesque world.

This text began with the difficulty of comparison and will end with it. Both Kafka and Genet describe the crime and the punishment in their own way: Kafka is blamelessly guilty and Genet, despite being guilty, is incapable of feeling guilt. A person's capacity for guilt is an inner peculiarity, which is trodden on by the coarse and nourished by the tender.

Warum wurde ich der Dieb? Ein Kind guckt aus dem Fenster und sieht unten jemanden gehen Es fragt sich warum es so geboren ist und ob es später wird mehr verstehen

Der Dieb hebt den Kopf und sieht des Henkers Silhouette „Wieso musste ich der Dieb werden, bald sterbend für etwas wofür ich keine Schuld empfinde? Der, der den Arm austreckt in einer Welt, die den Hungrigen frisst- und ein Verbrecher wird, weil das ihm zustehende Brot im goldenen Käfig ist? Stehe ich im größeren Unrecht? Oder bin ich klein genug, dass man mit dem Finger auf mich zeigen kann? Ist dies die Gerechtigkeit der Menschen, so erkenne ich sie nicht an!

Wenn entbeut Lieb dem Andern Lieb, da Geteiltheit nicht das Ganze gibt Wohl oft war ich dieser Fahrten ein verrohter Dieb Dafür verdiente ich ein Tödlichhieb!

Wahnjammer fürchtend musste ich stehlen Niemand kann diese Beichte abnehmen Das Herz wird dem ohne Courage und auch ich mir selbst Nie und nimmer vergeben

Sicher, oft war ich am Verfehlen Und oft scheiternd an ausgedachten Hindernissen Mit diesen Geistern, die mich quälen Schatten von Versäumnissen

Ein Fleckchen blau über meinem Haupt- o, bitte! Ein Stückchen Erde, sei sie auch am Abgrundsrand

Jede Sekunde einatmend und dann die Zeit wegpustend mit dem Löwenzahn

Alles wird durchseelt und ich sehe ein Fenster dahinter ein Kind, welches lacht Auch mein schlechtes Los hätte ein Billet sein können hätte der Vorwurf mit dem Möglichen getanzt

Wie groß hätte diese Welt sein können, ein Reich, in dem ich immer wäre satt Doch der Bauchschmerz verdrängte und fraß dann auch die Moral!“ Der Dieb dachte so laut, dass es um ihn herum wie zu blitzen schien Noch weiter wurde der Hals noch oben gestreckt Vielleicht wollte das Ohr noch ein letztes Vogellied vernehmen In kontra-f, ein Posaunenton Der knurrende Magen des Brotdiebs, welch‘ Schicksalshohn! Doch unverhofft zart kurz vor dem Hieb ein leises Gezwitscher und ein Gruß aus der Ewigkeit im reflektierenden Eisenglitter

[dishtothedeath]

Morgan | Chapter 3 Trial | Never Let Me Down Again; RE: Yukari, Fergus, Bonbon; ATTN: Sunako

There’s one thing of his own doing, sure, but there was no demand for someone to speak up. The implication did what it was meant to, and people are getting upset at him for that? Is he holding people hostage and forcing them to talk? 

Morgan’s already lost his temper long before Jun’ya requests to hold personal attacks and emotional outbursts as people continue grasping for straws and pointing things back to him, outraged by Bonbon singling him out and putting motive to his actions before he has a chance to speak.

No. Right now, Morgan is all seethe and no cope, slamming a hand down on the table that rattles dishes and drinks, drops of his coffee splattering the pristine tablecloth around him. His heart races, stress throbbing wherever he can feel it, hands shaking as from caffeine in his otherwise empty stomach. 

“Close your mouth! Shut up! You are not the person facing accusation!” he snarls, rising from his chair as he barely bites back you goddamn child from following.

He looks ready to lunge across the table in an instant, fingers curling in the cloth as he forces himself to sit down, take a breath, anything to prevent him from missing out on what others have to say and potentially net himself a worse fate due to his own blind rage. 

He’s barely had time to think about his rebuttal to Bonbon before Yukari jumps in again, and oh, boy, she’s ready to be done with him.

Glaring, Morgan’s no longer in a state to calculate his passive aggressive gestures. It’s all aggression now, a bone-deep sting of betrayal from a supposed friend he’d thought genuinely wanted to take the time to get to know him, someone who knew the exact sort of hurt of losing a beloved parent and the endless cut it carved through the years.

He already knows he owes Fergus an apology for overexaggerating what was nothing more than a gesture of friendship and forgiveness, but comparing the two of them in his mind immediately clues him in on who is and who isn’t genuine, who is predatory in a moment of vulnerability, who seeks to exploit it, and who seeks to understand. 

He wasn’t wrong. Fergus is his only friend.

Morgan sinks back into his chair with visible relief when Fergus actually backs him up, using the opportunity to put his face in his hands and smooth his hair back. The rush of adrenaline makes his leg bounce; he forgets to blink as he listens before he manages to relax a little more. 

“Thank you,” he finally says, and he means it.

They can work out the rest of that later. Or maybe they won’t, but he’s been irritating and persistent about what they’ve been through already, and Morgan’s ready to keep up that particular appearance.

The relevance of the recording has him uncertain, but regardless of whether or not he has full context of it, it’s an opportunity for Morgan to collect himself. Against his better judgment, he takes another sip of coffee just to give himself something to do, heat rapidly boiling over in his mind again before he knows it. 

He holds up a finger immediately after and gives a look of warning—don’t you dare interrupt him yet—and turns to Bonbon to finally address the slew of accusations from earlier.

“And you! I say nothing to you this entire time, and here you come with that shit. Shut up, Booboo the Fool or whatever the fuck your name is, I am not so out of my mind that you piss me off enough to frame you for fucking murder. Be serious, Jesus Christ. You are right, I hate you because you upstage me with my own fucking basket. You come at me with European fusion of all the fucking things in the universe—you know the kind of restaurant I have with my ex-husband who takes everything from me when we divorce? You know, the one who serves me papers at a fucking Christmas party, that one? European fusion! Imagine the fucking insult if I do the same to you with something you hate with every fiber of your being!”

When he leans further in toward the table, as far as he can without falling over onto it, his coffee cup topples over right onto his hand. Hissing through his teeth, Morgan ignores the scalding, practically barking now.

“You and your clownshit, I am so tired of it, it is so personal between myself and yourself, but I do not have the time and energy or fucking brain power to make something as elaborate as this, much less prey on somebody here who is—was—terrified of me and everyone else to begin with! But you know what? I know it is not you, because that makeup you put on, it would not come off even if a firehose sprayed you. You go in the water with it like it is nothing at all. Start buying your clothes in a size larger and get some ice for the tumor on your face that is your nose because you need somewhere for your ego to fit if you think you are that fucking important to the universe to warrant this level of attention from someone.”

Before Alfie’s even done talking, Morgan erupts, back on his feet again as he slams his hands down to command the attention of the rest of the cast.

He’s not done with Yukari yet.

“You,” and he points at her for emphasis, voice barely beneath a shout, “Where this is coming from, I do not know, but you are so quick to point the finger at me, you know this? After we spend so much time together, after you go out of your way to spend time with me, I tell you a few things about myself, and you know who we talk about so much? Miss Sunako.”

He allows that a moment to sink in.

“You ask about her a lot, you know? I ask you for advice with her, even, because she is such a nice young lady and spends so much time holed up in our room traumatized by what we have seen. You know when she comes out? Only to eat. And you offer to spend time with her, with both of us, since she seems scared of me, maybe because of my tattoos, maybe because I am a man—I do not know. I do not care. That is so interesting that you want to be friends with the both of us and yet you are so fast to accuse me! You know who wears green? Miss Sunako. And this?”

He reaches for his shirt and flaps it so it makes a sound.

“This is fucking blue. I do not know what fucking planet you live on where this does not look blue to you. And wigs? Interesting that you are such a professional picking out synthetic hair over natural hair. Tell me, Yukari,” he drops the respectful title, hateful. 

“You must be so intimately familiar with these things, yes? Tell us more. Tell us about how you crawled into the fucking trash compactor and knew that this was synthetic hair. You have a protégé you look after, yes? You are mentoring her in being an idol, huh? Like you are trying to mentor Miss Sunako? Is that what this is?”

[nitewrighter]

What HCs do you have about the religious affiliations of the teen titans?

Starfire probably has the the most straightforward faith out of all of them. She worships X'hal, who... it isn't really a fair comparison to say X'hal is Tamaranean Jesus. There's a lot of variations in how different Tamaranean sects worship X'hal. For some sects the analogue might be closer to Buddha, for others, X'hal is kind of an elevated hero-god where her mortal origins as a liberator are more emphasized, and for some, there's a heavy martyrdom aspect. As a Princess of Tamaran, Starfire kind of makes a point not to lean too hard into any hyper-specific interpretation of X'hal. She meditates on both X'hal's mortal origins and the aspects of her divinity, and how passion and compassion allow normal Tamaraneans to experience the divine in their own ways. Starfire's also aware that religion and politics can get messy fast, so for her, the sacredness of X'hal is also like... a bedrock for the sacredness of Tamaran's own cultural traditions, such as the authority of the the throne, and the weight of such actions as a challenge for the throne. Starfire is one of those rare people whose faith isn't there to reinforce her own biases, but to open her perspective and make her understand the weight of her own actions.

Technically (ha) Cyborg's Baptist, but neither of Cyborg's parents were particularly religious. Still, religion was important to them as a social function--keeping in touch with family members and the community in general, fostering connections that let Victor Stone's athletic career thrive. After Cyborg's accident though, Victor and Silas more or less dropped out of their local church altogether. They still got a bunch of food and casseroles and visitors weighing down on them mourning Elinore, and basically all the social exhaustion of that (combined with Silas plunging deeper into figuring out Victor's funky motherbox capabilities as part coping mechanism part 'What the shit is happening') saw a very fast exit from the community. Cyborg's own motherbox capabilities have kind of... blown his mind. It's kind of hard for him to fall back into the motions of that faith. There's still an affection and a nostalgia for it, but also like... I don't think he'd really get back into it unless his dad did, and there is no motivation for it on Silas's end.

Beast Boy is functionally agnostic. He's seen some weird shit with the Doom Patrol and he honestly has an absurdly high threshold for like... earth-shattering reality-bending shit compared to the other Titans. Rita had some Christian leanings but not really, so she didn't really force it on Gar all that much. She just raised him to be "an upstanding young gentleman" which like... stuck about 60%?? Beast Boy's faith can be boiled down to like...

Beast Boy: *mouth full of vegetarian chow mein* Why don't we talk about how King Shark is the son of Shark God? Are there other gods like Shark God? Is there a Crab God? Do you think Crab God and Shark God are cool with each other?

Robin has a really interesting blend of different faiths between some Romani folk practices of his parents, Bruce being interfaith, Kate being Jewish, some weird quasi-Buddhist stuff from Bruce's training, and a whole hodgepodge of different folk faiths that different members of Haley's Circus had. I don't know if it's fair to say he believes in a higher-power... at the end of the day, he's a boots on the ground guy. He's gotta look after himself and his team, and if there's a higher power, sure, whatever, that's great, but that's not something that can solidly figure into team logistics.

Raven. Hoo boy. Where to start with Raven. So like... in the comics, the monks of Azarath basically see Azar, the weird semi-immortal mystic old woman who guided them to Azarath, as kind of a god unto herself, but in the 03 show, there's like no mention of Azar at all. My personal interpretation is that... while Azar was this highly sacred and revered figure in Azarath, Raven actually got the most accurate, vulnerable, and honest look at her: An immortal who fucked up, who knows she fucked up, and is now desperately scrambling to prepare Raven as the last defense all of reality has against Trigon. And within Azarath, Raven had to keep up the appearance of this great reverence toward Azar to keep the rest of Azarath from falling into complete despair. So like... Raven is simultaneously aware of like... the power faith has, but she's also disillusioned with it. She's also repulsed by the cults of her father preying on the vulnerable. Ultimately, Raven's respectful towards virtually all religious beliefs--and she does see the force and merit in a lot of different ritual elements of them. She's not one of those assholes who's going to shit all over your faith because of her own trauma. Azarath raised her with a lot of hardcore compassion but... faith in general is something that gets her anxious. She believes in her friends. And like... as scary as it can get sometimes... at the end of the day, that's enough.

[aj28gaming]

Danganronpa messing up Nagito's character cuz apparently even they believe headcanons

Is it just me or is Danganronpa making Nagito worse?

Like at the start we have a socially intelligent and intuitive paranoid kid who hates despair and gets forced into a killing game that is filled with everything he hates and fears

So he clings desperately to hope as a coping mechanism to deal with everything

And then in the anime, we get a social outcast (for some reason even though people would've loved his hope talks like they did back in chapter 1 since no killing game happens and he is just speaking normally)

who bombs a school (forget his paranoia apparently) and nonchalantly allows himself to get out of the island and accidentally kill 40+ soldiers (again, ignoring his paranoia of his destructive luck cycle apparently)

And then in Danganronpa 2.5 we get a socially inept, clingy hope addict who apparently doesn't have boundaries?

(We seriously ignoring how much he pushes people away back in SDR2, is afraid of having friends due to his luck cycle, respects boundaries to the max, and how socially intelligent he is and his crazy empathy to know people's hopes and despairs?)

(And no even Mikan's motivations he understood, he knew she killed for despair because she literally killed for Junko, Mikan just says he doesn't understand because she doesn't count is as killing for despair, she counts it as killing for love)

And some of the fans defend this and says Nagito is hated or is supposed to have no boundaries because of his social ineptness or inability to properly socialize

Okay

WHEN?

WHEN HAS HE IN SUPER DANGANRONPA 2 ACTUALLY SUCKED AT SOCIALIZING OR WAS SOCIALLY INEPT OR OUT OF TOUCH?

NOT THE ANIME OR SPINOFFS, I AM TALKING ABOUT THE ACTUAL SECOND GAME WHERE HE FIRST SHOWED HIS FACE

DISCLAIMER: I AM NOW GONNA BASE ALMOST ALL OF MY POINTS ON HOW NAGITO IS AND ACTS DURING SDR2 AND THAT INCLUDES HIS FREE TIME EVENTS AND ISLAND MODE

NOT THE ANIME OR DANGANRONPA 2.5, JUST DANGANRONPA 2 GOODBYE DESPAIR

Bruh, the guy is hated sure, but boy was he awesome at being a people-person and gathering people during chapter 1

He encouraged everyone with his hope talks and Hajime even kept simping for the guy because of his positivity

And due to the guy's CRAZY HIGH EMPATHY AND UNDERSTANDING, he is able to understand the hopes and despairs of almost every freaking character

He knew Teruteru wanted to continue the culinary legacy and help his mom, that's his hope

He knew Imposter would want to protect everyone no matter what, that's his hope

He knew Mikan killed for Despair, that despair being Junko Enoshima

He knew Fuyuhiko's hope is Peko and that both of them care about each other very much

He knew how similar he and Hajime are and how they are both bystanders and lovers of Hope, for Hajime that Hope being Hope's Peak academy itself and/or having talent

The guy is crazy with how well he knows people, and he is definitely not socially inept at all

He respects boundaries, is able to read the room and the only time he seems socially inept is when he is either trying to purposefully annoy someone to get a reaction or when he is too obsessed with his ideas with hope

The guy is obsessed with hope, yes, but he is not socially inept

That is seriously downgrading how much empathy he has and how much understanding he has for every character

And Nagito does have empathy, the reason why it seems like he doesn't is because he treats the dead people like stepping stones for hope

He does have empathy tho, and too much that it takes a toll on his mental health whenever he sees dead bodies, so he clings to hope in order to cope and tries to pretend that it's okay if people die because there is always hope

(basically, deniability at it's finest)

It's not that the guy doesn't care, it's that he does a little too much

Which is why he laughs, laughing for him doesn't mean he is happy, it means he is surprised (he says this in island mode)

And seeing that his greatest fears are seeing people die constantly because of his luck cycle, wouldn't be surprised that he laughs like crazy in a literal killing game

And laughing out of stress or fear isn't unheard of, I mean there is also a thing called nervous laughter

And jesus christ, CAN PEOPLE STOP TRYING TO USE FRONTOTEMPORAL DEMENTIA SYMPTOMS TO EXPLAIN HIM?

What I mean is, yes he has dementia or is at least diagnosed with it

And I believe that he probably does actually have dementia (not saying he could've lied tho but he could've still been misdiagnosed)

But that doesn't mean he has all of the symptoms

I don't think we can confirm if he does or doesn't have dementia because he might just not have all of the symptoms

But I do know that using the symptoms to explain his character isn't a good idea especially since it usually undermines who he actually is

Like, let me explain

Behavior and/or dramatic personality changes, such as swearing, stealing, increased interest in sex, or a deterioration in personal hygiene habits

- No, and no not even when the killing game started. Yeah sure he laughs now, but that's no different from how he is normally since laughing for him is what he does when he gets surprised or stressed. He doesn't change much in the killing game, he still believes in hope and everyone else, still respects boundaries, still have crazy high intellect and empathy, still pushes people away

Socially inappropriate, impulsive, or repetitive behaviors

- not really, again the guy is a freaking gentleman even during the killing game. He respects boundaries, reprimands Teruteru for sexual assault during chapter 1, pushes people away and distances himself from others, isn't at all impulsive (usually quite the opposite really), and is usually planning and tries to remain calm and composed throughout the killing game (struggling tho cuz yeah killing game)

Impaired judgment

- here, I kinda disagree. I wouldn't say that Nagito is entirely in the right with everything he does, but I understand his views. The guy knows that no one is truly a bad person in the killing game because everyone was forced into it. He knows that even the blackened escapes and everyone dies, it isn't fully a bad thing because that means someone escapes and goes back home to their loved ones while the killing game ends

If a blackened succeeds, the despair would be of course everyone else dying and the blackened going through a lot of trauma, but the hope would be the end of the killing game and the blackened going home or to their loved ones or to their goal in life or whatever

If the blackened dies, the despair would obviously be the blackened dying and the killing game still continuing, while the hope would be everyone else still alive

Nagito isn't exactly wrong in wanting to help the blackened as well, of course, Nagito would want him himself to be the victim so another person gets a chance at escape and no one else would be the victim

Sadly for Nagito, that time never comes

Nagito doesn't want others to be killed, he wants to sacrifice himself instead as the victim instead of everyone else

Apathy

- .....big no. Nonononono. The dude is anything but apathetic.

"Apathy is a lack of feeling, emotion, interest, or concern about something."

Seriously, being a dude who is constantly supportive of everyone and their hopes in life and how passionate this dude gets about hope and despair, and the fact that he is the most stressed 24/7 about something bad happening due to his luck, this guy is seriously anything but apathetic

Lack of empathy

- No. If the guy truly lack empathy he wouldn't need to use Hope desperately as a coping mechanism, wouldn't care about the ultimates and their hopes and despairs, wouldn't constantly be thinking about helping the ultimates and overcoming despair, wouldn't be the most stressed out of everyone, and definitely wouldn't be in love with Hajime or even act the way he did in chapter 1

Decreased self-awareness

- You don't actually understand why you act the way you do.

A good indicator that you lack self-awareness deals with how well you understand your emotions, actions, and behavior. People who lack self-awareness often feel constantly off-kilter, anxious, or angry.

This is not Nagito at all. The guy understands his emotions and behaviors which is why he is able to do the things he does and is able to conduct plans based on how much he understands his own self and capabilities. The guy is actually the most self-aware out of everyone, he knows about how people don't understand him and constantly misunderstand him and his intentions, he is aware constantly of his inability sometimes to properly explain his goals to people.

The guy has a lot of self-awareness and isn't afraid to take responsibility for his actions. Actually, it's because of how self-aware he is of his own self and his destructive luck cycle that he constantly blames himself for anything bad that happens.

The guy is seriously self-aware as hell and it's scary sometimes

Loss of interest in normal daily activities

- Nope, he hasn't shown any sign of apathy towards anything and is usually pretty hyped about doing daily activities. He is paranoid though on the daily because he fears for what his luck cycle might do

Emotional withdrawal from others

- Emotional withdrawal involves bottling up your emotions. It involves cutting out the people who could help us, because we're so used to rejection that we've learned to anticipate it. Because we've learned to disconnect from others, we develop other unhealthy coping mechanisms

Emotional withdrawal is defined as pulling back emotionally or physically by bottling up your feelings or disconnecting from others. Emotional withdrawal can be far more complex at times. It is comparable to a breakup, in every way but physical.

Kind of? Yes, he pushes people away, but he is still willing to spend time with people, especially Hajime, when they really insist. He politely pushes people away, but he isn't opposed to hanging out with people either though it is sometimes rare

Loss of energy and motivation

- .... I already said it before, the guy is full of motivation and energy and passion that it is scary sometimes

Inability to use or understand language; this may include difficulty naming objects, expressing words, or understanding the meanings of words

-.....WHY IS THIS HERE? THE GUY IN THE JAPANESE DUB CONSTANTLY FLEXES HIS DAMN ENGLISH VOCABULARY DESPITE IT BEING A JAPANESE DUB

AND THE FUCKING ENGLISH WORDS HE USES ARE FANCY AND HIGH LEVEL AS FUCK THAT I FEEL SMART JUST READING THEM

Hesitation when speaking

- Definite no, the guy isn't afraid to voice his own opinions and never hesitates and can get very vocal about the things he is passionate about

Less frequent speech

- Again, definite hell no. I wouldn't be surprised if his voice lines are longer than the voice lines of everyone else combined

Distractibility

- Nope. The guy is focused on his goals constantly. No matter what he does, you can always be sure that it is for a certain goal. He pisses of Fuyuhiko? It was to get a reaction from him to confirm his suspicions about the true culprit. He lied about the rope? It was to see how Mikan would react and how the trial would go to confirm his suspicions about Mikan being the culprit?

The guy is focused like a damn soldier

Trouble planning and organizing

-.....do I seriously need to explain? This is Nagito we are talking about

Frequent mood changes

- Not really. He usually acts or reacts a certain way because something happened like someone died or something. He is actually pretty normal with how he acts and reacts and doesn't really change his mood rapidly that much

Agitation

- Yes and no? Sure the guy gets paranoid 24/7, but is still somewhat more chill than agitated to an extent. He is easy going and is just paranoid about what his luck would do, he is vigilant but not necessarily agitated

Increasing dependence

- No. The guy is independent to a fault and only relies on others when his plans call for it. He also usually does things of his own accord and rarely with a partner unless he really needs to or his goal is to help that person specifically, which knowing him is a usual thing

Unwillingness to talk

- Again, no. The guy talks a lot and while he pushes others away, he wouldn't turn down a conversation if the other person wanted one

Lack of inhibition or lack of social tact

- Again, no. The guy is a gentleman and respects boundaries and definitely gets stressed especially in the killing game. The guy is also paranoid 24/7 on a normal day due to his luck cycle

Obsessive or repetitive behavior, such as compulsively shaving or collecting items

- No? Sure he clings to hope but that is more of a coping mechanism. If he isn't in a stressful situation like a killing game he doesn't get that obsessive as much about hope since he doesn't need to desperately cling to it as a coping mechanism

Unusual verbal, physical or sexual behavior

- No? He isn't at all like this. It isn't unusual to panic or use a coping mechanism desperately when in a situation like a killing game, and he doesn't do anything unusual like this when it's a normal day. Sure the guy gets paranoid, but that's it

Weight gain due to dramatic overeating

- No? Actually, I don't really know how much weight he gains to be honest so idk

My main point here is, yes there is a chance Nagito does actually have dementia, but using the symptoms as a way to explain his character undermines who he actually is and can cause a lot of misunderstandings of his character

Especially since I remember being told that they only added in dementia to his character backstory a little late during his character development and creation

It isn't a good idea to use his symptoms because it usually gets his character wrong and sometimes makes them excuse a lot of the things he has done

The guy is self-aware, isn't socially inept, is a gentleman, and socially intelligent as hell

And I really hate how even Danganronpa itself seems to forget that

It's like they forgot who Nagito is, to begin with

[yandere-romanticaa]

The votes are in and the winner is: Shuu Sakamaki! I hope you guys like this!

Yandere Alphabet.

ft. Shuu Sakamaki. 💛

A - Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Shuu's affection is simple but subtle. He always has an arm around his darling, even while he is sleeping. By doing this not only is he keeping his darling close but he is also telling the world that they are his and off limits. A win win situation.

As for intensity, Shuu isn't a very intense yandere compared to his brothers but that doesn't make him any less possessive. If his darling tries to leave he will complain and he will end up drinking their blood and marking them. Can't let little darling think they have so much freedom now, can he?

B - Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Hmmm, not too messy tbh. As lazy as he is, once Shuu actually decides to do something he will finish it. As the eldest brother he just has some experience that the others do not and because of that he can probably just use his words to intimidate rivals.

He will throw hands if anyone gets too close though.

C - Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

He would definetly be a bit of a tease even though he does complain a lot. At first he's just annoyed, why is his darling being so noisy? It's driving him nuts! But then again, there are days when he finds darlings desparate face especially amusing and a small smirk finds its way on to Shuu's face. s/o little screams and whispers soon become Shuu's favorite thing to listen to.

D - Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

No actually, believe it or not. The only thing Shuu will do is drink darlings blood. The guy has to, you know, eat? He isn't super sadistic like most of his brothers and he really won't do anything harsh unless he is jealous or really mad.

E - Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

Shuu would prefer it if his darling was the more sensitive one, that just brings him greater piece of mind. Most of the time he just doesn't really talk about his feelings which can make Shuu a bit of an enigma. But after being with him for a while, s/o will pick up on the subtle signs in case Shuu is irritated or anything of the sorts. His grip always seems to be especially tight then.

F - Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

Sad and disappointed. He actually does love his darling but a part of him also gets why they are doing it. It doesn't make it any bothersome though... Please, just... love him, okay?

G - Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

Shuu might say it i to tease but it's not. He sees no point in meaningless flings, this the long run. And Shuu would be heartbroken if darling tried to leave - darling is like a lost puppy in Shuu's eyes, he has to protect them at all costs, he has to.

H - Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Whenever he gets jealous, plain and simple. He just hates it when his brothers get touchy feely with his s/o and Shuu always drags s/o away to his room, his face showing no emotion but the look in his eye says it all.

A rough and sleepless night awaits...

I - Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

He never had any plans but he wouldn't mind staying in the Sakamaki household with his s/o. With his home and lovely spouse, Shuu would be on cloud nine.

J - Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

You bet he does, painfully so. He is able to hide it most of the time but if someone just flat out flirts or touches his s/o, Shuu is by their side ready to fight.

K - Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

Normal, for the most part. He will probably become affectionate over time though, even downright shameless if he feels like it.

L - Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

He doesn't really know what he is doing but he will try to put in the effort even if it doesn't look like it. He treats them normally for the most part but there is a subtle soft side reserved for his darling only.

M - Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

He's pretty much the same 24/7 but if he gets mad his more sadistic side will be a bit more obvious. He'll wipe the floor with anyone if they dare challenge him.

N - Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Heck yeah. Sharp bites, a few slaps, teasing little licks, it varies with Shuu. He mostly just bites their neck to shut them up but he isn't afraid to use more force if need be. He'd rather not though.

O - Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

All depends on darlings behaviour. If they act accordingly he won't really care, just as long they aren't too far away from him that is. But in case darling decides to do something stupid, Shuu will put his foot down.

P - Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

Depends what it is really. He will try to be reasonable but if his darling keeps making a fuss that patience will run thin.

Q - Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

Never. Shuu would never let this go, the grief would just consume him and destroy him, he won't even bother stopping it. He is nothing without his live and he would have a hard time moving on if this happened.

R - Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

No, not really. He did because he had to, and he did it to protect them. He just hopes darling will realize that one day.

S - Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Shuu can get very insecure and because of that he wants his darling to always be by his side, that way he can always protect them. He doesn't want to lose them, Shuu wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he were to lose yet enother loved one...

T - Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

"What a pain."

He will grumble to himself and this kind of behaviour won't be tolerated for too long. Yeah, it's cute to hear darlings pleas for help but Jesus do not shout.

U - Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

Well yes but no. He does do the usual things such as kidnapping but it's his attitude towards it that makes him stand out. He calls everything a pain and an annoyance, why can't darling just come to him? He'll treat them nicely...

V - Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

No, actually. He loves being spolied rotten with affection and he often catches himself falling for darling's sweet words but Shuu isn't dumb. As lazy as he is, he is smart, very much so, and he can tell if his little songbird is plotting something. He just knows, don't even bother finding out how.

W - Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Yes. Mostly by sucking darlings blood, which can get a bit rough. Shuu just loves to mark his little darling up with his deep love bites, just seeing them so out in the open, it gives him a real sense of pride. He especially loves it when Reiji complains that darling should cover up but Shuu merely replies with a smirk and just brings darling closer, much to Reiji's dismay.

X - Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

He will try to court his darling but he'll just give up halfway and kidnap them. It's a lot easier that way, you know? And Shuu wouldn't exactly worship his darling, but they make up a huge chunk of his world and he wouldn't really know what to do without them in the end.

Y - Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

For quite a while, actually. Shuu might appear as though that he couldn't care less, but he does, he really does. He tells himself that darlings feelings are irrelevant but he doesn't mean that, ever. He wants them to actually be happy, to be happy with him.

Z - Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

Intentionally? Never. He fell for them for a reason, he doesn't want them to change. But he will leave long lasting scars on his darling which will affect darlings psyche. And there just might be a chance that darling dearest might not be able to handle those deep wounds.

[ed-edward-blackbeard]

I have more Izzy thoughts and I've mainlined three cans of Coke and a Snapple lemonade so I don't promise coherence, k?

I'm not going to even get into the whole "Con O'Neill is why Izzy's Like That" because if I do, I'll be a blubbering mess for hours.

Instead, I'm going to dovetail onto my last post and the discussion(s) in the notes.

@sorion and I were discussing Izzy's touching Edward's face and how Edward recoils.

I don't like this, it literally makes me uncomfortable. Maybe it's Izzy's creepy little smile or Edward's intense "hands off" vibe, but as I said to Sorion, it feels way too personal. It's an intimacy that feels misplaced, and I feel the intense need to douse Edward in bleach and scrub him forever.

But there's more to it than that (THANKS, CON, I NEEDED ANOTHER REASON TO FIXATE ON IZZY). Edward is strangling the life out of Izzy, about to straight up murder him, and this is Izzy's reaction? Tenderness, almost gentleness. It's definitely not violence, because 1, he's not going for Edward's throat, and 2 his hand is clearly open and reaching for his cheek. Not to grab, claw, or otherwise struggle, but to caress.

... Excuse me, I need a scalding hot bleach-and-Borax shower.

And you can tell me it's a kink, and I'll agree with you. Izzy has a Daddy kink, and I'm pretty sure that he's dying to get railed by his daddy Captain on top of that. But this isn't that, either. It's almost... sacred.

Izzy is willing to lay down his own life for Blackbeard (not Edward), and that whispered "there he is" is almost prayerful. He is willing to martyr himself for Blackbeard, die to bring Blackbeard to himself again.

But then there's Edward jerking away from Izzy like... I don't even have words for it. It's angry, violent, repulsed even. It almost looks like Edward's so disgusted that he stops choking Izzy just so he doesn't have to touch him at all.

And Izzy is happy about it. Blackbeard is back; he's rejecting the emotional touch and he is dealing out retribution. His Captain is himself again.

It drives me crazy that we don't know much about Izzy's back story OR anything much about his and Blackbeard's relationship. Every time I re-watch, I think something different; they're ex-lovers and Izzy's jealous of Stede; Blackbeard saved Izzy's life and Izzy's paying a life debt; Izzy is a Daddy's Little Boy and doesn't know how to cope with Edward's changing; maybe its all of that or maybe none.

But it makes me uncomfortable and uneasy. Especially after the toe incident, and Izzy's almost rapturous reaction to being forced to eat his own pinky toe. Which, again with the religious metaphors of Edward rising as Blackbeard after Stede compared to Jesus rising after three days in hell (from the Apostles Creed; "I believe in God blah blah, and in Jesus Christ, His only son, blah blah, was crucified, dead and buried: he descended into Hell. The third day He rose again, blah blah")

They were with Stede and the others for a fortnight, according to Izzy in.. was it "The Art of Fuckery"? That's two weeks, and then on the beach, Ed says "these past few weeks," so I'm assuming three weeks? Because otherwise it'd been "this past month."

Anyway, you can carry the parallel; after three weeks, Edward chooses Stede and Act of Grace, essentially killing Blackbeard. Then he comes back to the ship and after unknown days, he rises again as Blackbeard. So to frame Izzy's awestruck expressions and willingness to be martyred in a quasi-religious way, I would say that you could be right. It's maybe not hero worship in the traditional sense, but there's obviously an element of worship in all those layers.

Back to the point, Izzy really isn't touching Edward like a lover; more like the way you might caress a statue of the Virgin or a reliquary. Maybe that's the discomfort; despite the personal intimacy of the touch, it's also deeply impersonal. Dismissive of Edward in favor of Blackbeard, especially after we as the audience have seen the struggle of Edward coming out from the Blackbeard shell, and Izzy is celebrating the retreat.

Hey, remember I didn't promise coherence.

[blushing-starker]

Insanity brings me truth and you

can you guess what Peter's doing to not be understood by the guards?

It's not easy, being crazy. There are expectations to run away from, a bar to limbo under, a specific number of people one has to betray and scar. The unknowable becomes knowable, so you have to skirt the edge of that Venn diagram very carefully. Or very recklessly. Either way, it's a complex thing except for when it's not. Jesus, how infuriating to think about. The point is, the paradox that crazies carry on their shoulders? It's a fucking hassle, a tricky one and Peter is tired of it.

He sighs, lets gravity bend him backward, legs slipping dangerously off the blanket he's hung as a hammock inside his cell. Act like a psycho and you're predictable, don't act like an ax wielding murderer and whoops! Predictable. It's the downside of being insane; you leave the weary capitalist consumer mask out in the world, probably set that shit on fire and make yourself sick with the fumes. But you just replace it with the one labelled 'danger to society' and get forced to play along with that. He did what he did to avoid the world and its predetermined fate, its standards.

Peter closes his eyes, thinks of the nauseating smell on his left. Rupert, the guard that dared graze him while he came back from the shower naked, has a broken nose thanks to Ned and his loyalty to him. The idiot barely cleans the open wound and the whole cell reeks of pus because of it. He does the math of how long it's been going on for and shudders in disgust. His bare calves slip a little more.

An inhale near the front of his cage. Slow, but controlled. Not the usual. Thank God for a circus family and heightened senses.

The doctor is paying attention to him.

"Doctor Stark. Gnittor gnihtemos llems ouy nac?" Rupert grumbles from his perch on the second floor, curses a hare brained psycho that's incomprehensible. Peter hums, pleased to know that after ten months, nine days, twelve hours, and...

Breathe in. Breathe out. Focus on sinking deeper into nothing, into a yawning void. The blanket shakes and his thighs are starting to tremble. Blood is rushing to his head, veins most likely beginning to protrude. Irrelevant.

His favorite guard Stan wears a Swiss watch his wife got for him on their fortieth anniversary. It sings to him now, smooth and cool like a river. A skipping stone is thrown, tic, a fish heads towards the sound, toc. Above all the other stimuli in the room, the watch announces itself. Ten fifteen.

Ten months, nine days, twelve hours and twenty minutes into a game, his tiny gnat still hasn't caught on. Not like the charming doctor. He sees him then, behind closed eyelids, as clearly as a sweet nightmare. Tall, taller than Peter, but less strong. Wide shoulders that morph into a slim waist and a delectable ass he aches to sink his teeth into. Shapely calves from running, curiously delicate looking ankles.

Down and back again. A full head of dark hair with a dusting of silver. Dangerously clever mouth, what his aunt would call a noble nose. Agreeable cheekbones. Piercing eyes that tear his walls down, rip apart the bricks and mortar until he's scrambling on the other side, desperately, clumsily attempting to reinforce them for the millionth time. Those eyes saw the trick, the mirror reflection on his second day here, Peter offhandedly talking in reverse with Ned when they passed the new doctor. A dark gaze had pinned him in place, a spider fixed in place with its own silk against the cold dissection table.

Ned had rambled on, Peter had met a worthy playmate and the doctor had seen all he needed in that eternally prolonged glance. That very afternoon, a psychiatrist signed on as his very own voyeur.

Doctor Stark seems to be as interested in cutting him open to peek inside as Peter is in taking a dagger and comparing their hearts. He does this a lot; wonders how fate and the absence of lucky fate led them here. On opposite sides of a prison when perhaps it should be the other way around. Or perhaps there should only be Peter and Doctor Stark.

He feels himself falling, plummeting ever downward into fantasies and hazy dreams. It's not until the good doctor sharply calls out his name that he realizes he's also plummeting towards the floor. Now, MJ had warned him; had specifically said that the hammock being ten feet off the concrete ground was a bad idea. Ned had said he'd be fine and Peter loves the guy, ok? He has to do everything he can so that his best friend wins a bet over his other best friend.

Peter slightly regrets that when he's forced to arch his body backward, flip right side up in order to hit the floor on his feet instead of his face. The impact chokes the air right out of him, shakes his bones, but he doesn't react. Cracks his neck and that's all. Most of the guards were kind, some shade of understanding. They weren't harmless, though. He knows what he looks like, knows how many hours these men are cooped up with the scum of the earth.

"To answer your question," Peter leaps onto the bars of his cell, slithers higher than any sane person would and somersaults off the vertical slits, sinks into his trustworthy hammock with its trustworthy knots (MJ and Ned had tied them, one each), "yes, I do. It's less potent this time."

He stills, frowns. "How? There haven't been any changes. External or internal." No need to act like the Mad Hatter when the conversation could be had normally. Quicker and more reliable with meanings. But the doctor pauses, enunciates his next words slowly.

"Ti koot uoy erom emit yadot." God, he loved hearing Doctor Stark talk that carefully and smoothly. It was as comforting as it was uncomfortable. (He and sex don't particularly get along. It's like a headache that comes and goes; with the right medicine it can dissipate and evolve into something soothing, pleasant. With the majority of medicine, it blossoms into pain and soreness, a dry throat clogged by a thick syrup that won't leave him be no matter how much water MJ and Ned encourage him to drink. Peter isn't yet completely certain which side of his scale the doctor falls on, but he's guessing it's likely the first.)

(The man seemed to live in the grey areas; fitting that with this, too, he'd reside in the in between.)

The reverse effect is in play and he grins, genuine and wide, when he catches it. "Monsters are visiting more frequently, taking up space in the light." His nightmares had intensified recently, and they're starting to accompany him even in moments Peter knows are real; shapes drifting by the corner of his eye. As a coping tactic, he rips parts of his nails off. Not entirely, just the corners. His mind could concoct lots of things, but in his dreams his hands are always pristine.

(He hasn't caught up with it, hasn't noticed that although his nightmares have a clearness to them, a bright intensity, Peter can't shift enough focus to realize his hands aren't his own. They never are. But he usually has more pressing bodies to deal with than the good doctor's.)

Another pause, this one being done by Tony Stark, doctor and healer of men, instead of Doctor Stark, curious keeper of deranged souls. "I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe this will help." Peter peers over the edge of the grey hammock, watches with interest as the doctor approaches his cell with a glass bottle of clear liquid sloshing inside. The other man stops an inch away from the bars, looks up at Peter.

There's a slow tension simmering between them, something as thick and addictive as honey. There's scientific curiosity, a desire to seek out and maybe comprehend the unknown lurking inside their mirror image, as other and as alike as oneself. But there is also a gleam of something he's afraid of acknowledging in Doctor Stark's eyes. A madness once tucked away steadily unraveling itself with each glance they share.

Peter returns the look, unblinking and thinking. " 'If you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.' " A lesson Nietzsche offered to those wise enough, sane enough to live blind.

The doctor raises an eyebrow, is otherwise still. Sometimes, if Peter considers their current predicament for too long, his grasp on his masks loosens, and the Spider begins to spin its deadly thread round and round its very own body. He sees a guard exchange money with a partner; the crazy quota has, he guesses, been filled for the week. And they had such a nice streak going on, too. Oh, well. This web is unavoidable anyways.

He pitches himself forward, is the one who controls the descent instead of gravity this time. Letting the air rush up to meet him, he inhales, tastes a distinct sharpness around him. Crouching, Peter takes it all in, every last detail. Looks, really looks, at the doctor and suspects.

As if he were none the wiser, he calmly heads to the front of the cell. Meets the doctor at the divide and wonders what it'll be. Wonders if he'll rise higher than ash and flame, an acrobat testing the fates by flying just seconds ahead of death. Doctor Stark hands him the bottle and he can see now, tiny pieces of lavender. A distraction for the guards. "That should keep the monsters in the dark. Use it before you got to sleep and tuck away your hair."

Like a schoolgirl with a crush, he self consciously brings a hand to his curls. They're getting a bit long, but the warden only allows haircuts once a month or two. "I don't have anything to use." Digging into his lab coat, the other man retrieves a single black stick.

Well, to everyone else it's a hair pin. Peter knows the truth though, can see it and smell it and very nearly touch it. As it is, he gently plucks the items out of elegant hands and refuses to look at them. Looking draws attention. Doctor Stark gazes at his face, eyes flickering in a rehearsed way around his own, but not into them. That's alright, he understands.

"The lack of movement around your face should also help." The question of why is out before he can reel it in and act as a sane, normal person. Christ, he could handle crazy, not rude. He would have to practice being in control so as not to slip up when the doctor is around. Said doctor cocks his head, doesn't have to do anything more for Peter to get the message: go on, ask the devil why he made the deal.

Peter B Parker does not back down when intrigued. "Why are you helping me sleep better?"

Why help me escape?

"It's my duty." Three words. Not the explicit declaration of affection typical, normal, dull people receive from an admirer or partner. Not a grand proclamation of wanting what the heart wants, or a sonnet regarding the connection between star crossed paramours. Simple, short, concise; enough to turn to religion, to sanctity and salvation if it means hearing it again. He'd do anything, including putting on a discarded mask from his past if it gets him what he desires. Peter would suffer through sanity for this man. He would if it means hearing what sounds silent to those around them.

You're my duty. Whatever happens tonight, Doctor Stark believes it's his duty to see it through. To see him through, in a way.

"Why would you accept?" Ah, silly doc thinking any of his principles have changed since the first time they met, since the first time he brought fire to life and gave death in return. Peter smiles, brings forth the prisoner that had not seen the light of day in almost a decade.

(His uncle often said Peter's greatest gift to the world was his smile, his true smile. His aunt said it was the final move needed to capture a king and make him his pawn.)

"Why, doc, you know I hate to be bored." Call him a psycho, a freak, a sick, pitiful creature. Call him anything and everything and maybe those words would ring true. But Peter will never allow himself to be bored, not when there's so much fun to be had. Especially with a doctor as crazy as he is. "This looks...promising."

" 'He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster.' " The first part of Nietzsche's warning.

"Nietzsche didn't understand; those who fought monsters were already fated to become what they struggled to defeat. They believed salvation could be found by killing the monsters outside, but all they did was feed the ones inside."

Anthony Stark, the truest version, grins at him, all glinting eyes, sharp teeth and a crooked smile. Peter Parker, armed with a match, gasoline and soon to be glass shards, grins right back. In this instant, being crazy isn't such a hassle. After all, he has someone to share the crazy with now.

[gaytransgirl]

Outrunning the Universe: The Troubling Implications of City Seventeen (Sonic Riders Fandub Analysis)

That’s right. After the success of my 06 dub analysis, I’m throwing my hat back in the ring with a stab at the Sonic Riders (plus Zero Gravity) fandub. Originally, I had hoped to track the development of Sonic’s toxicity towards his friends over the course of the dub series. However, as I rewatched the Riders fandub, I began to notice something sinister. Or... Someone sinister, really. That person?

Jet the Hawk.

I understand that this initial pairing might mystify you. “But Lily,” I can hear you saying, “Jet is a wholesome friend who appreciates Storm and Wave! What’s so sinister about that?” And you may be right. The Babylon Rogues are a much more positive and uplifting friend group than Team Heroes. The trouble lies with everything else Jet does, especially his development from after five years have passed. First, though, we have to take a look at what Jet’s untamed power can do by sifting through the original Sonic Riders’s dub portion.

Three main scenes depict the truth of Jet’s power on its own. First, we’ll draw upon the scene depicted at 4:30. Sonic makes an illegal left, and Jet notes this before announcing the first sign of his boundless powers. “Revali’s Gale is now ready.” For those of you who don’t understand the implications of this, it shows that Jet either has achieved a massive level of control over his own flight that he is able to take off from the ground on his own, or that he has freed Divine Beast Vah Medoh from Ganon’s control. Neither is any small feat, but we can deduce that it is indeed the latter, since Jet’s take-off is done while riding his Extreme Gear. We know now that Jet has defeated Ganon. (Also worth noting, as it happens between now and the next Jet Moment™, is that Storm is shown to have immense power of his own, thanks to his possession of an enemy stand. More on this later.)

Jet’s next great display of power is shortly before the race at the Great Colosseum In The Middle Of The Desert, specifically the 30-second scene at 16:23. Jet recounts a Redbox encounter in which he almost drowned in quarters, and upon hearing Wave’s concerned rebuttals, he replies with a surprisingly sinister line. “Here, I’ll show you.” Cut to footage of Jet surrounded by money, laughing maniacally. This tells us two things. First, Jet laughs in the face of death, something not at all uncommon in the Sonic Dub Franchise. In fact, in the Sonic 06 dub, Sonic proclaims that he can never die. Second, Jet can project his memories directly into the minds of others. This is admittedly not as monumental a feat as defeating Ganon, but it shows a great level of control for someone as unrefined as Jet.

Jet’s next great accomplishment is in his control of the Chaos Emerald-powered Gamecube 2. This scene, taking place at 19:18, displays three rapid-fire uses of Jet’s untapped potential. In order, he turns up the graphics settings of the entire world around them, showing that he not only knows the limitations of his universe, but can manipulate the world around him at will. From here, he fires a laser into the distance, which is admittedly just his channeling of the Gamecube 2′s power; it’s the least notable of his three accomplishments in this scene, though that can only be said because it lacks a destructive impact. He then proceeds to dig up Pompeii solely with the power of his mind. Jet not only can locate Pompeii, which has allegedly been lost in this universe, but can raise it into a state of permanent levitation.

Only one more scene is notable from the Riders portion of the dub, and that is at 22:28. Jet fails to beat Sonic in a race, yet Sonic does nothing to physically stop him. What is it that tampers with Jet, sending him flying off his board? That’s right. The hand of God. Jet is only able to be physically stopped in this state by God himself. And that is with his powers not even fully explored. However, there is one flaw in this logic: Sonic himself. We need to stray briefly outside of the Fandub and draw upon local Sonic expert, Brian David Gilbert. He is quoted as saying that “... if a hedgehog could commune with the dead, be resurrected, run with infinite energy, and have his gospel prophesy the future, then either Sonic is a god, or could kill God, and I do not care if there is a difference!” Sonic lives in a universe of immense power, and while Jet’s feats are certainly not anything to be scoffed at, they pale in comparison to direct tampering with Sonic.

... that is, until the introduction of City Seventeen.

Up until now, all we’ve drawn upon is the original Sonic Riders, where Jet hasn’t taken five years apart from Sonic to live a toxicity-free lifestyle. This toxicity cleanse has clearly left him powered beyond belief, and while this power is not shown throughout the Zero Gravity dub as it was during the original Sonic Riders dub, one scene tells us all that we need to decipher the true scope of Jet’s power. That scene takes place at 56:21, and is the introduction of City Seventeen, The World Of Thematic Resolution. He feigns confusion, but this very city is a mindscape of his own creation, founded with the sole intent of imprisoning Sonic until he unlearns his toxic mannerisms. The very creation of City Seventeen is a feat entirely unforeseen within Sonic. Solely by his own means, Jet forces the gang to enter his own universe within the XBox of Friendship.

I know what you may be thinking right about now, too. That one man claimed to be the creator of City Seventeen, and thus the universe has nothing to do with Jet. However, consider the scope of great religions over the course of humanity. A true god never reveals himself directly to the universe as a whole; there is always a divine prophet. Abraham, Moses, Jesus, Muhammad. This human man is simply the prophet through which Jet shall tell his cautionary tale of toxic masculinity and Adam Sandler movies. Now that that’s been covered in full, let’s briefly cover a comparative display of Jet’s powers to that of his own friend Storm.

When confronted by City Seventeen, Storm is fully unable to cope with his surroundings, and loses control of his limbs, his eyes, and his mouth. Left completely motionless, he is left to beg for death from Hatsune Miku. Before you ask about her, she’s just a universal constant. Anyway, in comparison to Storm, how is Jet able to move around? Perfectly freely. Storm, a powerful stand user who nearly drowned Knuckles in his own lungs, was completely dwarfed by Jet the Hawk. And with good reason.

In conclusion, while the scope of Jet’s power is admittedly still unknown, he reigns far supreme over any deity whose power has been showcased in the Sonic Fandub Cinematic Universe. Sonic may be a god, but Jet operates on a level above theism. Jet has full and complete command of not only this universe, but infinite others, and the fact that we remain in somewhat peaceful times is a sign of Jet’s mercy. We can only thank Redbox and his busy schedule for not allowing him to watch Grown Ups 2. If he had fallen in line with Adam Sandler’s toxicity, the multiverse would be walking upon a tightrope.

[awhitehead17]

For the prompts: how about Jay taking care of Tim when he’s having a rough day?

Thank you for the prompt! So this turned out longer than I planned for it too and also a lot more angsty than expected but that’s balanced out with comfort and fluff! I hope you enjoy it nonetheless! :D

As he taps the pen rhythmically against a piece of paper, Jason stares at the laptop in front of him, trying to make sense on what he’s looking at. He’s got multiple police reports up on the screen as he tries to cross reference notes on a recent case he’s tied up in as the Red Hood.

While his reputation says otherwise, Jason does in fact do his homework on cases before he dives into beating the bad guys asses. He was raised by the world’s greatest detective after all.

A sudden bang snaps Jason out of his thoughts and he looks away from the computer with a frown. When a second bang sounds out, shortly after the first, Jason gets up to his feet in order to go and investigate the sounds which he thinks were coming from the hallway.

As he crosses the living room and gets closer to the hallway he hears someone mumbling underneath their breath. Whoever it is they were using many different swear words and curses and were very clearly pissed at something.

Bracing himself for the worst, Jason steps out into the hallway and freezes at the unexpected sight. Tim’s standing at the door, angrily swearing to himself as he roughly yanks off his tie and as he kicks off his shoes. He looks awful and if the angry vibe was anything to go by, he hasn’t had a great day either.

“Tim?” He speaks up getting the attention of his younger brother.

The kid instantly stops his stream of curses and snaps his head up, his eyes go wide as he spots Jason standing somewhat awkwardly in the doorway to the living room.

“Jason? What are you doing here?” His tone was sharp and if Jason didn’t know him better he would think that Tim is accusing him of something. But he does know Tim and he knows that the tone is the result of a long and exhausting day. Jason doesn’t take any offense but it does cause his concern to grow.

“I’m working on a case and this apartment is the closest to the base of operations – are you okay?” Jason starts explaining but gives up halfway through, he needs to know what’s going on with Tim. “What’s with all the swearing? That isn’t like you.”

A heavy silence falls between them and all Tim does is unsettlingly blinks at him. Before Jason could push for an answer Tim is huffing and throwing his bag down on the ground. As if that treatment wasn’t enough, he kicks the thing and pins Jason with a hard and furious look.

“You want to know what’s wrong Jason? Everything! That’s what! Everything is wrong and I’m just done with it.”

Jason only has a second to register the words before his brother is storming past him and further into the apartment. Currently unsure on what to do, Jason wordlessly follows Tim as they go through the living room and into the kitchen.

He stares as Tim unnecessarily slams cupboard doors shut and aggressively goes through the process of making a coffee. Jason’s surprised the mug doesn’t smash with how hard Tim slams it onto the counter.

This certainly wasn’t expected. He had been expecting Tim to turn up at some point during the evening, it’s his apartment after all, but he hadn’t been prepared for Tim to come home in a bad temper. It’s not often that Tim gets into bad moods like this. It takes a lot to rile up his usually level-headed brother so the fact that Tim is like this means that something major has happened which has placed him in this mood.

As far as he knows, no one has died so that’s not a reason behind the mood. Could it be work related? Tim’s in a suit meaning he’s been to the office that day so that’s a protentional explanation. It may be family related? Either Damian, Dick or Bruce may have pissed him off recently. Or perhaps it’s a mixture of things that have been building up over time and today just happens to be his final breaking point.

While Jason would like to know the reason behind this mood, he also knows that it’s not really his business and that he shouldn’t push the issue. What he does know is that he needs to make sure Tim stays safe and looks after himself. Jason needs to get him calmed down and maybe talk about what’s happened. Talking helps, or so he’s told. He’s never been one to listen to that advice himself but it may help Tim out.

“Why are you still here?”

Jason’s line of thoughts are broken when Tim snaps at him. His brother is now glaring at him while he leans against the counter with a mug of coffee in his hands. Jason feels himself bristle at Tim’s tone, he hasn’t done anything to deserve the snappiness. He knows he shouldn’t put up with the attitude but instead of retaliating he takes a deep breath and gets his emotions under control. Something has happened and Tim’s current way of coping with it is by lashing out and Jason just happens to be there.

Knowing that Tim isn’t likely to talk about whatever is up with him, Jason decides on a different approach. Ignoring the tension in the atmosphere, he wonders over to the fridge and starts browsing its contents.

“Have you eaten today? It’s about dinner time and I’m starving.” He says conversationally but isn’t expecting a response. He spots some cheese in the fridge and gets an idea. “How about pasta with a cheese sauce? Hopefully you have all of the ingredients needed.”

He grabs a few items and places them on the side and starts rummaging through the cupboards looking for the things needed. The entire time he ignores the death glare Tim is sending him from his place against the counter.

By the time Tim next speaks up, Jason had found everything he needed and has started to prep the ingredients.

“Jason, what the hell are you doing? What makes you think you have the right to come in here and prance around like you own the place!”

Telling himself to not fall for the bait, Jason hums to himself and continues with the prep. “Making dinner Timmy, what does it look like?”

A loud thump gets his attention and Jason peers over at Tim to find that he had slammed his mug down onto the side. Jason knows he’s pushing his luck but he’s hoping if he puts Tim’s stubbornness to the test his attitude will break and then Jason will be able to have a civil conversation with him. Call it tough love if you will.

His brother opens his mouth to say something else but Jason stops him from doing so. He places the knife down on the cutting board and stalks over to Tim, placing his hands on his shoulder’s Jason steers him out of the kitchen and towards the living room.

“While I get dinner ready, you go and have a shower and dress into some comfy clothes. I’ll have this ready by the time you’re finished.”

“Absolutely not! You can’t tell me what to do, this is fucking ridiculous. You’re-”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Jason interrupts firmly, lowering his tone so Tim gets the message, “and the longer we stand here arguing about it the longer it’s going to complete dinner.”

Tim’s face scrunches up in obvious distaste. His lips pull back in a snarl and in an uncharacteristic action he shoves Jason backwards before storming away, screaming over his shoulder “I hate you!”

Jason takes another breath and reminds himself to not take it to heart, Tim doesn’t mean it. In the distance he hears another door slam shut and figures Tim must have gone to the bedroom or bathroom. With not a lot of other options Jason turns back to the kitchen, he has a pasta dish to finish after all.

----

“I’m sorry.”

Jason glances up from where he was placing two plates full of pasta on the table in the living room. He spots Tim standing in the doorway and Jason instantly notices the difference in his stance compared to earlier.

Tim’s shoulders were hunched over, he had his arms wrapped around himself, he’s looking everywhere but at Jason and his voice was quiet and sounded defeated. It’s like all of the fight has finally drained out of him, leaving him feeling exhausted and depleted. It’s not surprising because it’s exactly what Jason had been after, even if it does break his heart to see his brother look so withdrawn.

Instead of pointing it out, he gestures to the table. “Just in time, foods ready.”

Tim shakes his head. “Look Jason you don’t have to-”

Jason cuts him off. “I know I don’t have to but I want to. Now eat and then we can talk properly.”

Understanding that he isn’t going to win Tim trudges over to the table and slumps into a chair. They don’t converse while they eat but to fill the silence they put the TV on which makes good background noise.

Once they were finished Jason gathers up the dishes and takes them into the kitchen before heading back to the living room, he’ll clean them up later. Tim hadn’t moved in that short time so what Jason does is grab a chair and places it backwards in front of Tim. He sits down and leans his arms on the back of the chair and looks at his brother.

In a gentle tone he prods Tim carefully. “Have you calmed down now?” Tim mutely nods, still refusing to look at him. “Okay good. Now you don’t have to but would you like to talk about what all that attitude was about? What happened Tim, it isn’t like you to snap like that.”

He sees Tim visibly swallow and take a deep breath, clearly preparing himself to talk. Jason doesn’t push him, he patiently waits for Tim to open up himself.

“I’m sorry.” Tim says again. “I – it just. Jesus I don’t even know. It’s been a shitty day, a shitty week, and today I just snapped and then I took it out on you which you really didn’t deserve so I apologize for that and for what I said. I don’t hate you and you know you’re more than welcome at any of my apartments.”

Jason couldn’t help but frown as Tim rambles on explaining his week and the events leading up to the boiling point. He tells Jason it had gotten to the point where any little thing had begun to piss him off, even the sound of the coffee machine at work was annoying him.

Tim ends his explanation by burying his head in his arms on top of the table.

Sighing Jason stands up from the chair and steps towards Tim, wordlessly he pulls his brother up to his feet and gathers him into a tight hug. Tim doesn’t fight it, his arms immediately wrap around Jason and he buries his face into his chest. To his surprise Tim doesn’t cry but he does cling onto him like a lifeline, all Jason can do is hug him back just as tight.

Resting his cheek on top of Tim’s slightly damp hair he says, “You are not going on patrol tonight. You may be calmer than earlier but you’re still not in the right frame of mind to go out. Instead what we’re going to do is stick a film on and then do absolutely nothing. Tomorrow is a new day and things will be better. We can work out all the details leading up to this later on.”

It takes a moment but Tim nods his understanding into Jason’s chest. It proves Jason’s point that Tim needs the rest because he didn’t even try to protest against the idea. He squeezes Tim one more time before letting him go.

“Okay, now go choose a film while I clear the dishes then I’ll join you.”

Tim nods again but before Jason could leave the room his brother is speaking up. “Again Jason, thank you. I don’t know why you put up with that shit I gave you but I really appreciate you not lashing out and putting your foot down. So thank you, I’ll make it up to you.”

Jason snorts. “No thanks needed Timbers. You’ve done just as much, if not more, for me in the past. It’s time to live up to the big brother title.” That gets Tim to crack a smile. With that achieved Jason finally leaves the room, telling Tim a second time to choose a film.

He hopes he can help Tim further than what he’s done so that night. He hadn’t even known if his chosen method would work or not but he’s glad it somewhat has. He’ll have another talk with the kid in the morning when they’ve rested and had more time to reflect on what’s happened.

[satoruvt]

the color of you - blue (6)

ITS HERE. I HOPE I DID WELL. PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGHT AKDSHKFJSDH

pairing → keigo takami x reader

word count → 3213

summary → you’re not really dating, so you can’t really be in love with him... right?

song inspo → hell of flying by jeremy zucker, cassette by demian, a lil of bugbear by chloe moriondo

this chapter → y/n comes to conclusions, keigo’s a dork, tension, a fight, crying.

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six | part seven

So it’s been… strange.

Or rather, it hasn’t been strange at all, which makes everything even more strange, somehow. You feel like things should be so much different, but they’re not. You reached a wild conclusion that threw you for a fucking loop, made you sit in your kitchen at Angel Cakes and contemplate what the hell you were going to do about anything that would ever occur to you from here on out. Sometimes you almost ask Keigo how things haven’t changed at all, since you’ve decided that you like him, but then you have to stop yourself from saying anything because, oh, right, you haven’t told him.

You don’t plan to, either.

It’d just mess everything up, wouldn’t it? To say “hey, I know we’ve been fake dating for like two and a half months now but I’m kind of liking the idea of really dating you”? Kinda fucked. Not to mention, from a professional stance, what if it ruins your guys’ chemistry when you’re being watched by the entire world? If someone finds out that the whole thing is fake - regardless of your feelings - it means Keigo’s public image and your entire life at the bakery. Everything would go to shit, and after it’s burned down, you doubt you’d even have Keigo.

So you’re not telling him. You’re in love with one of your closest friends, who you are also fake dating, who is also the Number Two hero in the country, and you’re not telling him how you feel. Yes. Okay.

You’ve had a lot of time to reflect about your own feelings, because after Keigo left to fight that villain the other day (and after you managed to get off the ground and clean up) you were sure it was a heat-of-the-moment thing. Yeah, he looked pretty, and there was something dreamy and domestic about laughing and throwing baking ingredients at each other, so maybe your heart just got confused. 

But you’d called him to ask if he was okay (instead of a usual text) and he’d picked up the phone and laughed and your heart had not done that before. Not with Keigo, not on the phone, and not like that. And usually his pet names amused you, but he’d called you “sweetheart” over the phone and his voice was tired and drawled a bit. It made you dizzy. You said goodbye pretty soon after that.

You’re barely walking up the stairs of your apartment complex when your phone buzzes in your pocket. Butterflies (and moths, a few) erupt in your stomach when you read the name, and then immediately die when you read the text itself.

keigo baby 🐦

Do u want to have a playdate with me 👉👈 I could come over if ur mom says its okay

Why him? You think to yourself, swallowing the vomit in your throat and fishing your keys out of your bag to unlock your door. You text back when you get inside, throwing your belongings on the nearest surface.

y/n

don’t ever talk to me again

keigo baby 🐦

Is that a yes??

y/n

….fine, but if u ever use those emojis again i’ll break up with u. legally 

keigo baby 🐦

baby no!!!!

You throw your phone down onto your sofa before flopping over it, letting yourself sink into the cushions for a moment. It takes no more than ten minutes for Keigo to be at your door, letting himself in without so much as a knock. You know that it’s technically your doing, since you didn’t lock it when you came in, but you still whine at him about it, and he mocks you jokingly.

It seems he either senses your tiredness or didn’t have anything in mind to do anyways, because all Keigo does is lift your legs up from where they’re sprawled out on the couch and sits down in their place, letting them flop back onto his lap. He adjusts so his wings aren’t smashed against the back of the couch (or, at least, not as much). You move your feet off of his lap.

You’ve come to really appreciate days like this, where you simply bask in his company and he does yours. As much as Keigo is nonchalant about his lifestyle, you know it’s exhausting for him to do what he does every single day, and then to have to talk to people (fans, reporters, anyone). He doesn’t need to say anything for you to know. And, well, if you can give him a moment of comfort -

God, no, stop thinking like that. You can’t afford to think like that right now. 

The two of you talk, occasionally sharing posts from social media and laughing at dumb little cat videos (there was one that was five whole minutes of one of the guys from that k-pop band being compared to cat pictures and it’s the most wholesome thing you’ve ever seen to date). Before you know it, it’s been a few hours, the sun just fully covered by the distant mountains. The sky cools down in purple and blue hues, dressing up for the night to come. You and Keigo are laughing over old vines, and in your mind you think that it really couldn’t be that bad for this to be every night instead of just… some nights.

At the end of the compilation Keigo groans out a lingering laugh, stretching his legs out as best he can without hitting your coffee table. You stand up, feeling the need to move around as well, and walk towards your kitchen for a drink. Keigo stands after you but doesn’t move, letting his wings flex and stretch from being contained for so long. You get a glass of water, lift it to your lips just as Keigo lifts his arms above his head and holy fucking shit, his stomach -

Tummy! the tiny voice in your head squeals, but the hornier one screams at the top of its lungs ABS and honestly you don’t know what the fuck to do and neither does your body so you choke on your water. Keigo startles, eyes wide, and with a mumbled “holy shit” makes his way over to you as you cough and sputter over your sink.

It takes a minute, but you eventually come back, eyes watery and face red for multiple reasons. You take a deep breath and Keigo rubs your back, eyeing you, which only makes the entire situation worse.

“Jesus, are you okay?” He asks, and you nod, but you can’t look at him.

“Yeah, uh,” you clear your throat, blinking a few times. “Just… went down the wrong pipe, I guess.”

Fuck.

-

You barely recover from seeing a sliver of Keigo’s stomach, and the memory haunts you for days. You attempt at willing it out of your brain, try to tell yourself that you just didn’t see it at all, but your heart is strong as hell and refuses to let your head forget it. You think about it multiple times a day. You think about it for at least twenty minutes each time. You think about it until Keigo texts you a little less than a week after it happened.

Your phone buzzes on the counter in the kitchen and you finish up your bread dough, putting it into a bowl gently and setting a timer to let it prove. Once your hands are effectively clean, you open the message, letting yourself scoff.

keigo baby 🐦

Just finished a photoshoot, could really use a donut right now :/

Attached to his message is a picture of himself, and honestly, he looks really fucking good. It takes pretty much everything in you not to collapse and die. God.

You look up a picture of a donut on Google - they sold out today, and you are not going to make one just for Keigo - and send it to him. For my hardworking fake boyfriend, you send with it. Mostly to emphasize fake for both of you. Yourself especially.

keigo baby 🐦

Fake??? :( sweetheart, u hurt me

Your mind stops working when you read his text, so you leave him on read.

-

The next time you see Keigo in person is when you’re contemplating whether or not you should keep… hanging out with him.

The contract only has a little over a month left, so it’s not as if it’d be that hard to deal with… besides, it’d be easier on the both of you when this whole thing inevitably ends. You don’t see yourself being able to be around him without thinking about kissing him over and over. Not now, at least. You hope it changes. You hope it’s a weird phase or something. 

Keigo texts you and invites - demands - you over (his excuse is that with the hero conference coming up soon many of the smaller heroes are taking care of villains and giving him more time off) and honestly, if you’re really gonna try to stop talking to him as much, this could be your goodbye or whatever. Also, he mentioned wine, and you need to get drunk. Like, “give me an entire bottle so I can cope with the idea of falling for you because I know that you don’t feel the same and I am simply trying to ride out the rest of this “relationship” so I don’t ruin our dynamic and chemistry while we’re being watched by literally the entire world” drunk.

Yeah. It’s been a rough few weeks.

Every time you go to Keigo’s apartment it reminds you of just how broke you are, but you suppose the apartment itself is fitting. It’s definitely modern, but it holds the clutter of Keigo’s personality - blankets strung everywhere, LED lights, a poster of Endeavor hung up in his closet (but you’re sworn to secrecy about that, you pinky promised). When you knock on his door he doesn’t answer, and it’s a good minute and a half before you get a text that says “it’s open, come in” and you sigh, because again, why him?

He’s sitting on the couch, and when he sees you he smiles like he didn’t just refuse to open the door because he’s too lazy. “Well, if it isn’t the love of my life,” he says, and for a second you can fool yourself into believing it’s genuine.

“I’m just here for the wine, dude,” you tease, and he mocks offense at your words.

“Ouch. Mid-relationship rejection.”

Nonetheless, Keigo gets the wine himself (selective little shit) and two glasses, pours each of you one. It isn’t long before you’ve had at least three glasses but no more than five, and you’re maybe, perhaps, a little drunk. 

Keigo is, too, so you’re not really alone, but he’s talking about something Endeavor did like he’s the greatest hero in the world. It makes you smile, just a bit, but then again, you’re usually sentimental when you’re drunk, so maybe it’s just that. Or maybe it’s because you like him. It doesn’t really matter now.

“Hey, Kei,” you murmur when he’s done with his story. He hums, takes another sip out of his glass. “What happens when this is over?”

You look at your feet, scrunching up your toes inside your socks so you have something to look at. Then your eyes move up more, to the top of his coffee table, and then finally they land on him, and he looks gorgeous. He always does.

Keigo blinks once, twice, then shrugs, goes back to his wine. “Dunno. I hope we’re still friends, though,” he says.

“Friends? You want to be friends?”

You’re drunk. You should go to sleep, or go home, or something. Talking is not something you should be doing.

“What?” Keigo asks, but more like he didn’t hear you rather than he didn’t understand, so you take your chance, even through your hazed mind.

“Nothing,” you say, swirling the wine in your glass. “Forget about it.”

And it seems like he does, because when you wake up on his couch the next morning with a killer headache and he stumbles out of his room with a groan he doesn’t mention anything about it even when he talks about everything else.

-

Keigo texts you a few days later, a picture of him posing with another wine bottle. 

keigo baby 🐦

round 2??

The picture is cute. He’s smiling, all lips and curves and blonde hair and tan skin. He’s dressed in sweats, you can see, but he still looks like a model. It makes your heart sink and fly at the same time.

y/n

can’t, sorry. have to stay late at angel cakes. i’ll see u at the hero conference tho

He doesn’t text you for a while after that.

-

The conference comes quick, and before you know it you’re in another hotel suite, getting makeup done. It doesn’t take as much dressing up - your dress is shorter this time, less formal, your makeup less extravagant. You don’t feel nervous, not like last time, but you don’t necessarily feel comfortable either. Your makeup artist is different this time.

It takes a considerably less amount of time for you to get ready, and you stare at yourself in the mirror before it’s time to go. Your dress is beautiful - blue, royal, deep and light at the same time and gorgeous. Simple, too, nothing too out there. When you step out of the hotel room you notice Keigo’s still in his hero costume, but you suppose he has to be. You don’t match with him like you did last time.

There’s no banter, no teasing, no compliments. The ride to the venue is quiet. Keigo sends you a look at one point - a “tell me what’s wrong” look - but you only shrug, offer him the best smile you can, which apparently isn’t convincing, because he frowns when he sees it. You wish he wouldn’t frown so much.

The conference is short, but maybe you’re just distracted. An usher walks you to your seat at a VIP table and it seems like you sit down and then it ends. You clap for Keigo, smile like you’re endlessly proud of him - and you are, even if it doesn’t show that well tonight - and watch him make a scene becuase that’s what he does. He winks at you at one point during the night, while he’s talking into the microphone, and you know it’s for the publicity. The conference ends significantly earlier than the awards show, however, so you don’t have to stay in the suite for the night. 

The ride back to the suite seems shorter than the ride to the venue and it takes you maybe twenty minutes to wipe the makeup off of your face and take off your dress. You walk across the hall to Keigo’s room, knock on the door. He answers.

“Okay, I’m gonna head out, I’m feelin’ kinda tired,” you tell him with a small smile. “Just wanted to say bye.”

“Let me walk you home,” he says instead, and your brain yells at you no!

“No, it’s fine, Kei -”

“Please. I want to.”

He’s never said that before, and a part of you knows you wouldn’t be able to say no to him even if he hadn’t, so you nod and let him follow you out of the hotel and to your apartment. The walk is silent and it makes you feel uneasy but you can’t really do anything about it, not with what you’re trying to do, so nothing happens until you reach your apartment.

You know where this is going, even if you don’t want to, so you take a deep breath, hold the door open for him so Keigo can come inside. He looks at you weirdly for a moment but then enters your apartment, standing in the junction of your entryway and living room like he’s uncomfortable. You let him, then walk to the kitchen for something to drink.

“What’s wrong with you?” You ask, eyeing him suspiciously.

Keigo scoffs. “Shouldn’t that be my line?”

You know he noticed - it’s impossible not to, but you didn’t think… you didn’t think he’d call you out on it. Your pause is evident, but you pretend like it didn’t happen at all. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you say.

“Yeah? Wanna rethink that, sweetheart?”

The almost-malice in his tone when he says your usual pet name startles you, and when you look up at Keigo it seems like it startled him, too, doe-eyed and looking at you. You shake your head, walking out of the kitchen and into the living room behind him to throw your things down, try to pass the message to him that this is not good. “You’re wrong,” you say.

“I’m not - I’m not wrong, Y/N,” he says, turning around to look at you. “Every time I see you it seems like you’re pushing me away, like you’re not here, and I don’t know if I did something, but I -” he pauses, runs a gloved hand over his face and you want to tell him that it’s not his fault, but that would lead to you telling him everything, and you can’t. “I miss you.”

His voice is broken. When you speak again, your voice sounds like his, but somehow worse. Smaller. “You’re wrong,” you insist. You know he’s not.

“I’m not,” he pushes back. “I’d like to think that in the months we’ve been -”

He stops himself, and you take your opportunity. “That we’ve been what? Dating? We’re not dating, Keigo, we both signed a fucking contract to benefit your public image! This is nothing!”

You have no idea what you’re doing. It’s not nothing. It will never be nothing.

“You think this is nothing?”

“Look me in the eye and tell me that you know for sure we’ll still be friends when this is over.”

He can’t, and he won’t. You’re trying really hard not to cry, but it hurts to fight with him like this, and it hurts that you think you’re falling in love with him, and it hurts that if you tell him it’ll ruin everything and it hurts, so a few tears slip out anyways.

“Y/N,” Keigo says, and his voice is so soft. You want to melt into him, but you shy away when he reaches for you. “Please just tell me -”

“I can’t do this anymore,” you choke out. “I can’t - I’m - I’m calling it. I’ll send my lawyer if you need anything but I just…”

You can’t even look at him. Has he always been so far away?

“Get out, Keigo.”

It sounds so cold, so unfamiliar, coming from your mouth and you half expect another person to have said it entirely. This isn’t you, this isn’t how you and Keigo act, this isn’t… this isn’t it. There’s a pause, like he’s waiting for something, but then you hear him sigh - practically feel him deflate, and then he walks out of your apartment, door shutting quietly behind him.

It’s so quiet when he’s gone.

You take a deep breath, walk back to your bedroom, curl into yourself on the bed, and cry in the blue light of the sky left behind by the sun.