#communicate with well so i lost a peer connection entirely thus i resorted to hopping from character/celebrity to
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its so sad how at times ive felt more comfortable in parasocial relationships than real ones bc there isnt a fear of potential rejection for any mistake i make
#like when i moved to a foreign country at age ten i didnt know the language and the only ppl i rly knew were family who i also couldnt#communicate with well so i lost a peer connection entirely thus i resorted to hopping from character/celebrity to#character/celebrity seeking a sense of connection with them and community in fandoms :/ so i sacrificed a lot of my youth in the process#but then again i was very in pain and they allowed me to get through that i think it shaped my character and sense of humor#and enhanced my ability to connect with strangers and empathize better so they arent inherently bad ofc#i just see myself dozing into them when i deep down feel scared of the unpredictablility of other people#+ their potential to hurt me and for me to hurt them but i want to be with people i enjoy the company of them so i resort to the parasocial#doing a research paper on this so i gotta dive in deep#mi writes
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