#committment to diavolo. naturally he must regret somethings perhaps everything

[girlucifer]

“tell me you love me

...because i don’t think i could handle it otherwise.”

one of my favorite quotes in the game is when lucifer and the mc are alone, where they choose to hug him after they returned to the devildom, and he whispers how he wants the human to tell him they thought of him everyday they were away- not of his brothers, but of him alone. because he ‘couldn’t handle it otherwise.” i love that soft, wanting aspect of lucifer, a side we don’t really see often. i wanted to expand a bit on this, so here is a small fic, lucifer x gender neutral mc, under the cut!

word count: 1200 or so

tags: lucifer x gender neutral mc, obey me! angst, fluff, romance, tension, slow build, spoilers*** for lesson 20 and below  

they knocked on the study's door that towered over them, its very aura dominating, fearsome- behind this door leads to him and his gaze, as sharp and red as the thin thread that ties the two together, cutting and suffocating. his gaze always lingered in the human's mind behind closed eyes, behind closed doors- his gaze, red as blood, as marks left on their neck after a daring evening alone, as red as the human's heart that beats wildly as they raised their hand to knock upon the door. warm firelight spilled through the crevice underneath the door. they knew he was inside- he had been avoiding them ever since the night they spent together- this much, the human could tell. he was a hard one to decipher; he always had a sort of cloudiness hovering over him, always a bit restrained, a bit hesitant. he would look over his shoulder, never wear his heart there. it wasn't until that night the human must've said something small, something innocent, an accidental graze of fingertips, a mistakenly seductive glance. parted lips, inching noses... he had revealed what really lurked in the depths of his soul with shallow gasps and light moans, interlocked fingers across black silken sheets.

the smell of wooded musk lingered in the air- his candles were lit. the forest from home, the human thought- he always seemed to smell of fresh orchards. it was fitting he'd smell of such, after all, the human reflected, as every moment with him seemed akin to taking a bite of a fruit from a forbidden tree- he was the first prince of hell, second only to the devil himself. lucifer, a name feared throughout the human world just as much as the underworld- a taboo name, malevolent, a name called by the evil and wicked. the human remembered the fear that took hold of their heart when meeting the brothers- six demons stood behind a particularly shining one, his presence far more immutable than the others. lucifer, the morning star. poison to the soul, pomegranate seeds to the tongue. they knocked once more- the door finally opened.

their eyes met immediately, as the human drew closer to him. he sat on one of the small couches that accentuated his study, holding a glass of dark, almost jet-black liquid. the top two buttons of his dress shirt were undone, his tie hanging down his chest, his collarbone just slightly exposed- enough the have the human avert their gaze, face flushing as if exposed to something far too indulgent. without another word, lucifer took another glass, pouring demonus for the other as they sat besides him. he reached out his hand, to which the human accepted the glass. no words were exchanged as the two drank silently, the human stealing glances towards the demon. the lit fireplace quietly danced behind him, his silhouette outlined with the warm orange color, flooding his features. in his light, he almost seemed holy, heavenly, like a fragment of his previous celestial incarnation was shining through.

"you're avoiding me."

"is that what it seems like to you?" his lips balanced on the edge of sneering and smiling. then like a flicker of one of the candles dotting his small study, he turned his head, downing the rest of his liquor.

"do you think... do you think I can be a bit selfish and ask you to listen to me? I might say things that don't quite make sense, or run off on long tangents, or maybe circle back and say nothing of any use. but maybe, maybe I'll say what I need to and we'll both be better off. could you? could you listen to me?" he reached out his hand, it wavering every so slightly before falling short just inches of the human's fingertips.

"my life is simply full of mistakes. just, utter grievances, embarrassments, all plunders on my part. I never acknowledge them- I'm the first prince of hell- I take pride in everything I do, even the mistakes. but, by heaven and hell, I regret so much. the fall- one of my most grand achievements, inspiration to renaissance painters, punishment to god-fearing populace, martyrdom to revolutionaires, but to me- a failure. the death of my sister... meant the death of me, my brothers. the one person who didn't deserve a single hair on their head harmed- they lost their life for my stupid, arrogant cause. at least, out of that wrath towards myself, satan was spawned, and seeing him grow to be a wise, powerful demon, it gives me solace that something came out of my foolishness. but, lilith's death could never be repaid. I remember thinking that, over and over, as she laid in my arms, her lifeless corpse... growing cold. lord diavolo, he saw the despair in my eyes, my heart, and he offered a resolution. something that just maybe, maybe I can redeem myself, if it meant lilith could have a chance at normal life. a life as a human, as a daughter, a lover, as a mother. if she could live in bliss for thirty-odd years, well that's all that I could ask for. my undying loyalty for all of eternity... a small price to pay for knowing she smiled one more time before my pride got her killed. but, after millennia, it's hard to remember what it was all for. living day in and day out for the prince, to subject myself to bootlicking work, to be a puppet to the most powerful demon in the devildom- what an ironic fate for the avatar of pride. some nights, I forget what it was all for- the pledge of allegiance to the demon king, twisting my brothers to do his bidding, locking belphegor away, spending nights in here," he raised his arms, drawing attention to the stuffy room, paperwork stacked atop his desk like endless buildings across the horizon. "it's all for lilith, it's all for her- like a mantra in my head every time diavolo asks for a kiss upon his boots, every time he embraces me with a whisper of an order to my ear. but, its just words- something to tell myself, lest I go insane. I never did have that closure that she did live her life, a grand life, full of love and happiness. I had no idea what had become of her, how she met her humanistic fate. until..." he trailed off, his hand clenched, knuckles white.

"until me," the human finished for him, their thumbs circling around each other as they looked down, intently focused on the wood flooring. "yes, you're living proof she lived, she loved. you're... comfort to me, that at least once in my miserable life, I had made the right choice." he raised his hand, brushing his fingertips across the human's cheek, a strand of hair falling over their eyes. like gravity, their very souls the source of attraction, the two inched closer, slowly, bit by bit, a journey to a land of milk and honey. his face was flushed- either from the demonus or because their faces were so close, they couldn't tell. lucifer took the fallen lock of hair, tucking it behind their ear, a soft smile gracing his features. "could you kiss me? kiss me once and tell me i'm doing fine? that lilith would be proud- that my brothers are too? tell me you love me. tell me, because I don't think I could handle it otherwise." and the human closed the gap between their lips, kissing him again and again and again.