#coming out as a kelce hater

[bigassbowlingballhead]

Travis Kelce getting an acting project announcement before Taylor 💀💀💀💀

[rafecameronssl4t]

I need more season one rafe fics please! I love your writing!! Also, last fic was amazing! Tbh I'm not a fan of #her ( yes I'm a hater)

Midsummers || Rafe Cameron x fem!reader

Summary: It was concerning stumbling across your boyfriend and JJ fighting, but what was more concerning was his comment about Kiara.

Warnings: swearing, mild fighting? if there’s anything else lmk

Word count: 1,425

A/n: my summaries are always so shit 😭 anyways…. this was so much fun to write 😭 if u want more s1 rafe lmk and send thru requests!!!

MASTERLIST

Divider by @yoonitos

“Rafee,” you squeal, feeling his hands firmly grasp your ass, igniting a wave of pleasure that you struggle to contain. His lips trace a heated path along your neck, only intensifying the sensation and making it harder to stifle a moan. “It’s fine, no one’s coming here,” he mutters against your skin, his breath hot and reassuring as it mingles with your mounting desire.

A sudden knock at the door makes Rafe groan in annoyance. “What? We’re kinda busy here!” he yells out, his frustration evident. Undeterred, you press a trail of kisses along his jaw, your lips trailing down to his collarbone, trying to distract him from the interruption.

Topper and Kelce walk in making you huff in annoyance, pulling away from Rafe, who glares at their direction. “Seriously, guys?” you mutter, irritation clear in your voice. “Sorry—uh—JJ just walked in,” Topper stammers.

At the mention of JJ’s name, Rafe’s expression darkens, and he quickly rises to his feet. “What the fuck is that pogue doing here?” he spits out, his eyes flashing with anger. Without waiting for an answer, he glances at you sharply and commands, "Stay here." With that, he storms out of the room, his frustration palpable. You watch as they leave, leaving you alone. With a huff, you get up and begin wandering around the room, trying to find something to entertain yourself.

~

Rafe and his friends race through the island club, their eyes sights set on JJ. He darts through the crowd, but they close in on him, finally cornering him in the locker room. Kelce moves swiftly, seizing JJ and locking him in a tight headlock. JJ struggles, but Kelce’s grip is ironclad. "Hold him still," Rafe commands.

Rafe smirks, his eyes glinting with cruel amusement. "What do you think? A 4 iron, right?" he asks his friends playfully as they all chuckle. "Keep his head still, yeah, Kelce? I'm gonna line this up." Rafe adjusts his stance, mimicking the motion of a golfer about to take a swing. JJ, despite Kelce’s suffocating grip, manages to choke out, "Very Rafe of you. Five on one?"

"If you could please stop talking. It's very disrespectful. I'm trying to hit a ball, alright?" Rafe snaps, his tone sharp and irritated as JJ continues to struggle. He gives a disapproving shake of his head. "Hey, learn your etiquette, my friend." His voice drips with condescension as he lines up his imaginary shot, the tension in the room growing thicker by the second.

~

As the minutes tick by, your boredom intensifies, and you decide to defy your boyfriend's request. Leaving the room, you set off in search of Rafe. It doesn't take long before you hear his voice echoing down a hallway.

Rafe snorts derisively as he examines JJ's bruised and bloodied face. "Your face looks really bad. Starting to look a lot more like your dad—" His sentence is abruptly cut off as JJ spits directly into his face.

“Oh, shit,” you mutter under your breath, feeling your heart rate quicken as the scene unfolds before you. "Rafe?" you call out, stepping forward. Your eyes lock onto JJ, who is trapped in Kelce's grip, his expression defiant despite his situation.

As you approach, Rafe wipes his face and slings his arm around your shoulders, pulling you tightly against him. His grip is firm and almost possessive, a clear display of both his irritation and protectiveness. You can feel the tension radiating from his body.

"What the fuck are you doing here? I told you to stay in the room," he mutters against your head, his voice low and angry. You shrug, unable to find the words to explain your disobedience.

You glance at JJ, who despite his predicament, meets your gaze with a steely resolve. His eyes flick between you and Rafe, and for a moment, a silent communication passes between you. The air is thick with tension, a volatile mix of anger, defiance, and barely contained violence.

Rafe’s friends stand around, their faces a mix of amusement and anticipation. Kelce maintains his grip on JJ, his muscles taut with the effort of holding him still. Rafe’s irritation is palpable, his jaw clenched and his eyes hard as he stares down at JJ.

"Y'know, I never understood why you're dating him, Y/n," JJ says, his eyes raking over you. A scoff escapes your lips as you feel Rafe tighten his hold on you. "What's that supposed to mean?" you ask, tilting your head slightly in challenge.

"Well, isn't it obvious?" JJ chuckles, his tone dripping with sarcasm. "You need a man, but he's high off his ass every fucking day. That's not very manly, don't you think?" His words hit you hard, and your face falls. "Are you trying to get killed pogue?" Rafe growls, pushing past you to storm up to JJ.

“Rafe, it’s not worth it,” you whisper softly, placing a hand on his arm to pull him back. But Rafe’s jaw is set, his muscles taut with rage. Suddenly, the lights begin to flicker, and a man walks in. "Gentlemen!" he announces. Kelce immediately releases JJ, shoving him towards you, but Rafe moves quickly, pulling you out of the way just in time.

"Is there a problem here, guys?" The security guard scans all your faces. "Pardon me, officer," JJ quickly interjects, trying to regain control of the situation. "No, there's not an issue. I just—actually, yes. No, there is an issue."

"Uh, we got a criminal trespass in progress here. Beep! Call it in, right?" JJ continues, his voice trembling slightly with mock seriousness. You watch in amusement as Rafe scoffs at him.

"Blatant disrespect for private property—" JJ starts again, but Rafe cuts in "Yep," his voice dripping with sarcasm. "—I'm in violation of all kinds of shit, sir."

The security guard raises an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed by the theatrics. "But these young gentlemen..." JJ begins, reaching out to adjust Kelce's wonky bow tie, but Kelce aggressively pushes him away.

"Don't touch my shit," Kelce snaps, his tone sharp with irritation. JJ stumbles back, caught off guard. "...Uh, caught me, sir, and they're about to take me away," JJ continues, trying to regain his composure amidst the tension in the room. Your head begins to ache from the sheer amount of talking he's doing.

"And that's what you should do, escort me out of here. You got me," JJ says, extending his wrists as if offering them up for arrest, a sardonic grin playing on his lips. You all watch in amusement as he puts on a show for the security guard.

"Come on," the guard says, pulling JJ along with him. "All right. Fix that tie, son," he adds, glancing back at Kelce. JJ turns to Rafe with a smirk, "You're looking spiffy too."

"You powerpuff girls have fun!" JJ taunts, addressing Rafe and his friends before being led away. Leaving your side, Rafe hollers out, "Tell Kiara she looks pretty hot for a pogue!" The words hang in the air, and your jaw nearly drops to the floor at the audacity of his comment.

In a split second, JJ breaks free from the guard's grasp and charges towards Rafe, but Kelce is quick enough to stop him from getting any closer. "You think I'm afraid of you, bro?" JJ shouts, his voice filled with defiance as the guard yanks him away once more.

"Hey! Safe travels back to the cut," Rafe calls out with a smirk on his face, clearly unfazed by JJ's threats. "This ain't over!" JJ shouts as the guard shoves him through the door, his voice echoing down the hallway.

"Hey, hey, it was really nice seeing you again, JJ!" Rafe's voice echoes down the corridor, breaking the tense atmosphere that hangs thickly in the air. He turns, a grin playing on his lips, only to catch your unimpressed expression.

"What, baby?" he questions, his smile faltering slightly as he moves to embrace you, but you push him away with a firm hand on his chest. "The fuck was that for?" Rafe's confusion is evident, his brow furrowing as he tries to make sense of your sudden reaction. The other boys shift uncomfortably, their eyes darting between you and Rafe.

"Are you fucking serious right now?" you snap, your frustration bubbling to the surface. Rafe's expression shifts from confusion to concern, his brows knitting together in worry. "What?" he responds, his voice tinged with confusion.

"Tell Kiara she looks pretty hot for a pogue?" you spit out the words, your tone dripping with venom. "I said that to piss him off, I was fucking joking, wasn't I?" Rafe protests, seeking validation from his friends, who quickly nod in agreement.

"Ha. Ha. Funny joke, Rafe. It had me rolling on the floor," you retort sarcastically, your tone laced with bitterness as you push past him, the fabric of his shirt grazing your fingertips. "Y/n," Rafe starts, reaching out to you, but you cut him off with a sharp glare, your eyes flashing with anger.

"Don't fucking talk to me, dickhead," you say, your voice cold and cutting as you storm away, leaving Rafe and the boys in stunned silence.

[evermoredeluxe]

How Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour Took Over the Entire World

By Chris Willman

By Alissa Gao for Variety

On the morning that Taylor Swift’s “Eras Tour” is about to begin a three-night stand in Dublin, the older gentleman taking charge of my passport at airport customs has clearly had his fill of Swifties, probably processing them by the hundreds already today. When I reveal myself to be one too — despite being arguably the wrong gender, inarguably old and lacking a telltale “Lover” mascara star over my right eye — his disdain is palpable. Suddenly, I’m getting way more screening questions than anyone not on a watch list should. “What do you like about her?” he sneers, peering up over specs.

This is probably the wrong time for me to point out Swift’s Irish heritage, or to assert that she is this generation’s James Joyce. (The original king of the Easter eggs, right?) I wouldn’t really go that far — I’m only on record as doing my best to certify her as this century’s Beatles. Trying to figure out how to answer him, the past 18 years of extolling Swift in print flash before my eyes. I end up murmuring the bare minimum: “Um, her songwriting.” This seems to disturb him further. He snaps back: “Aren’t they all the same song” — a slight pause, and I know what’s coming next — “about her breakups?” Then, abruptly, he stamps me through, sparing me a detour to Interpol for more grilling.

In the cab into town, the driver is blasting a local talk-radio personality sharing his dismay about the fans of an awful superstar taking over his country. The host reads an email sent in from a hater who says, “A year ago, when tickets went on sale, my partner and I made a reservation to take our kids out of the country this Friday morning. … Thank you for creating a safe space with your show.” I start to wonder if Swift might have met her match at the Cliffs of Moher.

But from my drop-off forward, the next three days are like living in a Swift-topia. The mile and a half to Aviva Stadium each night is like Disneyland when it shuts its doors early for an affinity group. Whether stopping in the pubs or walking through the charming neighborhood of Victorian brick homes adjoining the fancy new stadium, there’s that warm feeling of people who are united by one quality: They are all super in touch with their feelings — or else they wouldn’t be Swift fans. And they all are happy to stop on the street or over pints to talk about poetical expression. (Well, except for the occasional taciturn, invariably straight young male who has signified his supportive-plus-one status by wearing a jersey bearing the name of Swift’s Super Bowl beau, Travis Kelce.)

So it is that I end up chatting with a middle-aged gay man in a sequin-covered shirt whose female companion whispers to me, while he steps away to trade friendship bracelets with a 10-year-old girl and her mum, that Swift’s music just helped him through a difficult breakup. The girl then runs off to trade her homemade bracelets with a pair of high-helmeted Dublin policemen loaded up to their own elbows with friendship swag — unexpected accessories for long arms of the law.

All the stories about American Swifties swarming overseas to catch “The Eras Tour” turn out to be true: You couldn’t swing a neon golf club around here without hitting a Yank. Approximately one out of every five fans I approach is visiting from the States — and the jubilation they’re feeling about the night’s impending concert is compounded by the fact that nearly all of them financed a European vacation and a concert ticket for roughly the same amount they would have paid on a secondary ticketing site for a typical four-figure ticket to one of last year’s predatorily repriced U.S. shows.

Remember the venerable stereotype of the Ugly Americans, brusquely trampling over refined Europeans in their travels? Thanks to Taylor Swift, who has a gift for laying out global welcome mats, this is the summer of the Spangly American.

At the stadium on night one, just down the row from me are a group of millennials from New Jersey, several in glam unitards inspired by the “Lover” or “1989” portions of the career-spanning show and looking like they were costumed by Swift’s own designer, with fake jewel-encrusted microphones to match. I ask how many hours went into perfecting these nearly pro-grade outfits.

“About 80 hours for mine,” says Megan McLaughlin. “Hers probably longer,” she adds, nodding toward one of her sisters, Margo Steinberg. “She knows all the glues and the best gems.” Indeed, confirms Steinberg, “I was working on mine since January. And, yes, I did quit my job to finish it!” She adds, when I ask if she cares to share any secrets to a particularly good look, “You have to use the B-7000 glue.” (A third sister, Amelia McLaughlin, admits she resorted to buying her spangly dress off Etsy — “I was doing a PhD, but I had to match these girls’ enthusiasm” — while a fourth, Carolyn McLaughlin, skipped the glitter and went for a red dress that matches Swift’s from the “I Bet You Think About Me” video.)

Certainly, there is an element of cosplay to many of the fans’ outfits. Some have seen footage of the new segment Swift added to the tour beginning in April 2024 — devoted to her most recent album, the 31-song “Tortured Poets Department” — and have managed to manufacture gowns that look like they’re made of paper and feature lyric excerpts printed on them in script, à la Swift’s custom-made Vivienne Westwood dress. I meet a group of American women who became friends as literature majors in college who have “Tortured Poets”-themed outfits, one duplicating the Westwood dress and the other with handmade printouts of the latest album’s lyrics pinned all over her black dress, as if she were literally pulling pages out of Swift’s playbook.

It’s the devotion to lyrics, even more than glitter, that is most impressive about the bespoke outfits fans have concocted for the occasion. There are scores and scores of Swifties wearing homemade T-shirts — sometimes singular, sometimes matching with a friend, like walking Burma-Shave signs. Some of the messages are obvious, like the dozens of laddies wearing “It’s me, hi, I’m the husband/boyfriend/father, it’s me” shirts. (Bet that seemed really original at one time.) But a lot of them refer to more obscure songs or stanzas, as if every nearby street or stadium loge section is full of human Easter eggs, begging to be unpacked. It’s hard to think of any other superstar in the history of stadium tours who could have inspired as much fan-crafted clothing rooted in the power of words.

Combos of middle-aged mothers and their teen or 20-something daughters abound; some of them have seized on Swift’s mentions of her own mother, Andrea, to come up with their T-shirt ideas. On Lansdowne Road, I talk to a mum whose red-on-black shirt says, “Had to listen to all this drama,” accompanied by a daughter bearing the legend, “And here’s to my mama.” (This is a reference to Swift’s song “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things.”)

Later, in a stadium Guinness line, I chat up a pair of thirsty locals, the daughter’s shirt reading “I call my mom, she said …,” with the mom’s shirt completing the thought: “It was for the best.” (Damn it, I had to Google to recall that’s from a “1989” Vault track that came out last year.) I ask the daughter if she had to explain to her mom what she was wearing. “She’s 52,” she replies. “I don’t think she knows.”

Age is really no guarantor of not getting it — the popular #SwiftieOver50 hashtag on X proves that. Although outnumbered, plenty of older people are unaccompanied by a minor, or by anyone who has been a minor in the past 20 years. I approach a middle-aged couple, Jean Sebastian Conley and Natasha Gagne, again bidden by their matching shirts — “Who’s Taylor Swift?” and “Who’s Travis Kelce?” They turn out to be French Canadians who found their 206-euro SRO tickets to be a steal compared with the extravagant resale prices they briefly considered back home after being shut out of the initial on-sale. I ask what attracted them to Swift since, unlike so many others here, they didn’t grow up with her.

“I really fell in love with her with the ‘Folklore’ album,” Conley says, referring to her low-key Grammy-winning album recorded during the early months of the pandemic. “I think different audiences and older audiences found her through that and ‘Evermore’ because they were more singer-songwriter, a little bit rougher indie music, and that’s what we like most. So that’s how I got hooked.” For her part, Gagne says, “I like everything she represents. And when she redid all her masters, that’s where I thought she was a lady boss.”

It’s a reminder that, for however many mini-narratives Swift packs into the three hours and 20 minutes of an “Eras” show, there are really four or five years of backstory that feed into the audience’s shared awareness. When she sings the ominous ballad “My Tears Ricochet,” accompanied by a coven of stone-faced dancers, at least some fans will understand it as a distant reflection of her very public feelings about the men she considers her business bêtes noires, Scooter Braun and Scott Borchetta, who bought and sold (respectively) the rights to her first six albums, spawning much vitriol as well as four “Taylor’s Version” rerecorded albums to date.

When the dancers put their grins back on, Swift plays an ebullient excerpt of a very recent “Poets” bonus track, “So High School,” which every person in the crowd will know is inspired by Kelce. There are some breakup songs of recent vintage too — yes, Mr. Customs Man! — like “The Smallest Man in the World,” which may or may not have cost Matty Healy, the 1975 frontman and former Swift paramour, a night of sleep.

The whole tour is themed around not just the newer records but the rerecordings that have made every older album in her catalog feel improbably fresh. It was, quite possibly, the single most baller move in the history of the record industry … and led to the career-retrospective concept for what is already unquestionably the biggest tour in the history of popular music.

Any discussion of the charms of fandom isn’t meant to forestall discussion of “The Eras Tour” as big business. The numbers are fuzzy because Swift’s camp does not release grosses from her shows, unlike nearly every other artist at the stadium or arena level. Even when the tour wraps after 20 months on Dec. 8 in Vancouver, it seems likely those numbers will continue to be guarded with a zeal on par with the government of North Korea’s. Many industry experts believe the gross will approach or even surpass $2 billion.

What is known for certain — even without a confirmation from Swift World — is that she broke the all-time tour-gross figure when she hit the $1 billion mark, whenever exactly that might have been. The two trade publications that specialize in the touring industry have slightly differing estimates: Billboard calculated a cumulative gross of approximately $900 million when she took a break at the end of 2023, figuring that she would crack $1 billion shortly into the tour’s resumption in April, while Pollstar estimated that she had passed $1 billion by the conclusion of last year. Any way you guesstimate it, Swift took less than a year to break the previous record of $939.1 million, which Elton John grossed with his “Farewell Yellow Brick Road” tour across nearly three years of shows.

One source close to the production said early in the “Eras Tour” era that her average gross each night is $14 million. Others believe that is a highly conservative estimate, with a possible total that on at least some nights edges closer to $17 million. One remarkable aspect is that this does not include the revenue from any inflated resale tickets — which, as anyone who has tried to get tickets through Vivid Seats or StubHub knows, mostly have gone for several times their face value. It was little publicized, but Swift had “dynamic pricing” turned off for her ticket sales, possibly to avoid the controversies Bruce Springsteen encountered when the face value on some of his tickets leaped to the four-figure range upon their first sale. Swift left money on the table by not participating in the scalping of her own tickets, which had an average price of around $230 and topped out at $499, excepting VIP packages, which zenithed at $899 — all well short of what some other superstars ask nowadays. Of course, neither Argentina nor anyone at Wembley Stadium ahead of Swift’s opening night performance in June will be crying for her when she’s in reach of $2 billion without the resale inflation … not to mention the hundreds of millions of dollars in merch.

(This is extraordinary also because Swift hasn’t done any press to promote the tour, except for when she was selected as Time Magazine’s Person of the Year in December. But she doesn’t need to — the tour is constantly being celebrated on social media with every outfit change. And it’s also become so huge, it’s featured more A-list sightings than the Oscars, from Julia Roberts to Tom Cruise to Stevie Nicks, who had the surprise song “You’re on Your Own, Kid” dedicated to her in Dublin.)

Benson Boone, whose “Beautiful Things” is the most-streamed song of 2024 in the U.S. and the world, says he felt dwarfed when performing as the opening act at one of Swift’s seven shows at London’s Wembley Stadium. He has forever committed to memory the exact attendance figure he was given for the night: “89,497,” he says. “Just her stage alone is bigger than anything I’ve ever seen — 300 feet of it!” he says. “I took in every moment. It was cool for me to experience another artist’s world and learn from it. I want to work that hard and be the captain of my ship.”

Although it’s maddening to a media that likes official box office reports and can’t get them, it’s easy to see the wisdom in not flaunting those figures if you’re a superstar artist who counts on being seen as relatable. Swift certainly is proud of breaking records — she posted a tweet when “The Tortured Poets Department” spent its first 12 weeks at No. 1 on the album chart, one of only three albums in history to do so. But she’d rather count fan impressions than dollars. By the same token, she doesn’t publicize or confirm acts of generosity that leak out, like the sizable food-bank donations she makes in every city she tours, or the $100,000 bonuses that the tour’s 50 truck drivers reportedly got for Christmas.

An addendum to all this is how the “Eras Tour” film — released last fall, less than halfway through the actual tour — grossed just over $180 million domestically and $261 million globally, beating the records set by Justin Bieber’s concert film in the U.S. and Michael Jackson’s globally. Massive big-screen spoilers only heightened, rather than diminished, resale demand for the shows yet to come on the 152-date tour and helped precipitate the movement among Americans to head overseas, to make up for the supply found sorely lacking at home.

“She is the torchbearer for the live industry,” says Andy Gensler, editor of Pollstar. “It’s nothing we’ve ever seen before, and it’ll be a long time before we see it again. Her timing was exquisite: The pandemic created this yearning and hunger for live entertainment like nothing else in our history, so she couldn’t have picked a better time to go out.” Pollstar called last year a “historic golden age” for touring, as the top 100 global tours collectively surpassed $9 billion — up 46% from 2022 — with Swift obviously contributing a significant chunk of that total. (This year, the trade reports that overall tour attendance is down, with flat grosses, representing a slight reckoning for the live industry that, obviously, isn’t impacting “Eras.”)

“What my partners and I talk a lot about is how it’s one thing to have a big tour in North America. It’s another thing to have an equally big tour wherever you are in the world and to do doubles and triples in these markets,” says Bernie Cahill, an Activist founding partner and manager of acts including the Grateful Dead and the Lumineers. “It’s an anomaly. It’s not normal. And don’t forget, you’re going into what I call asymmetric venues, which are venues that are not really built for music; these are venues that are built for football games or soccer games and can be very challenging to do music. And they get it right every time — Louis Messina [Swift’s tour promoter since her earliest days] and his team are world-class.” But for all that globe-trotting, he notes, “there are some artists that you see do a show and you know they don’t even know what city they’re in. I always feel like Taylor knows exactly where she is. She has a relationship with that city or that market and those fans and she’s connected to them in ways that are very authentic, that you can’t fake.”

The one big snafu in the rollout of “The Eras Tour” occurred in November 2022 when the Ticketmaster system melted down after too many North American dates went on sale at once, causing thousands of fans to experience long delays. The on-sale broke the all-time record for tickets sold in a single day at 2 million, but it also nearly broke the world’s largest ticketing platform. Swift herself was Teflon in this situation, as the blame fell on a ticketing system not capable of handling so much of the Swift-loving world at once. And although most of the problems people have with Ticketmaster are different from what fans faced in the “Eras Tour” debacle — mainly, hidden fees and monopolistic practices — it could have big legislative consequences anyway. Dean Budnick, co-author of “Ticket Masters: The Rise of the Concert Industry and How the Public Got Scalped,” believes that the Swift hullabaloo was the main catalyst for Congress enacting reform. “There’s no question that perhaps there’s gonna be some meaningful change in ticketing as a result of what people experienced with that on-sale.”

That sense Cahill spoke about of the singer making it clear to an audience she knows exactly where she’s at is in full force in Dublin. Swift introduces the “Folklore”/”Evermore” segment by suggesting that she had a spiritual locale in mind when she started writing that more intimate material, locked in during the first part of the pandemic. “It keeps me up at night all year long: Which era is the most Irish?” she half-jokes to the crowd. “I’m gonna make a case for it being ‘Folklore’ … This album’s imaginary world had a whole aesthetic — like I lived in this cabin in a really green, nature-y, moss-covered landscape. You see where I’m going?… Another thing that I think makes it more Irish than the other eras is, ‘Folklore’ was all about storytelling. And I know you hear this a lot, but you guys are naturally gifted storytellers, right?”

Later on, Swift will cement the local connection by playing, as a “secret” surprise acoustic song, “Sweet Nothing.” She doesn’t have to give the crowd any explanation for that: From the first notes, Irish Swifties will immediately recall that the lyrics reference to the coastal town of Wicklow. The real cherry on top of the show for locals at any international Eras Tour stop, though, comes with a customized moment each night during “We Are Never Getting Back Together” when the spotlight is put on backing dancer Kameron Saunders for a couple of seconds, as he blurts out something locally appropriate, and cheeky. One night in Dublin, it’s the Irish catchphrase “the neck of ye!”; on another, he yells out “pog mo thoin,” meaning “kiss my ass!”; the massive, knowing laugh that inside joke gets makes it clear this isn’t entirely an audience of American tourists after all.

But the basic theatrics and emotional currents remain consistent from show to show. If Swift is surprisingly reticent to make her “Eras Tour” numbers public, that may be, in part, her desire to keep the focus primarily on a personal fan connection. Music industry veterans are taken aback by Swift’s ability to be giant and intimate onstage. “She’s a master marketer of herself — and she is not afraid to be vulnerable to her fans,” says Michele Bernstein, who runs a consultancy that works with stars like Drake. Bernstein could almost be quoting the lyrics of “Mastermind,” where Swift describes herself in almost comically omniscient terms, then dives into a bridge about how no one would play with her as a little girl.

People like my guardian of the customs gate may complain about Swift’s songs centering on her romantic splits, but that subject matter magnifies her own insecurities and weaknesses, expressed in genuinely eccentric wordplay, in ways that keep the audience in thrall to someone they perceive as a humble underdog as well as a veritable cage fighter. She could do a $10 billion tour someday and still keep the crowd enraptured by how she measures up to, or rallies to exceed, the smallest man — or men, or Kardashians — in the world.

This plays out in the “Eras” show in all sorts of symbolic ways, like the new segment in the “Tortured Poets” section where she seems to have fainted from the vapors of failed romance. Dancers in tuxedos try to revive her while a swing version of “I Can Do It With a Broken Heart” plays over the PA. A pair of women dressed as nurses fit her with what looks like a majorette’s uniform — or, with all its off-white stripes, is it really meant to resemble a straitjacket? The resemblance is probably not coincidental. Swift fans know there’s nothing like a mad woman.

The most exhilarating moment that has been added to the show this year has her gliding down the ramp on a platform, appearing to anyone at floor level like she is levitating like the witch she makes herself out to be in “Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?” Taylor Swift: She was Agatha all along!

Yes, there is much to unpack. But in Dublin and in every other city where “Eras” has alighted, there is also pure inspiration for those who maybe haven’t always felt like they’ve had a voice, whether it’s her LGBTQ+ fan base or, well, women. It’s a modern transmutation of Beatlemania in which Swift manages to be all four Fabs, and a mirror, as well as object, of that gaze. You don’t have to be a woman to experience the explosion of pure female joy that takes place on a mass scale at an “Eras” gig, but for men, it doesn’t hurt to have a healthy sense of where you might sit on the female spectrum.

Outside Aviva Stadium, two young Londoners have formed their own two-woman straight-gay alliance: One is wearing a shirt with the hand- drawn words “You’re obsessive and crazy,” and the other’s shirt has the phrase “You’re gay,” each with an arrow pointing to the other. This echoes the original lyrics to Swift’s 2006 oldie “Picture to Burn,” which was rerecorded after some were offended by “gay” as a possible teen epithet. “I am obsessive and crazy, and she is gay,” laughs Zoe Gibson, pointing to her friend, India Day. “We want to bring back the original lyrics. We never found them homophobic — we want to reclaim it.” Day adds, “We’ve listened to her since we were 4 years old, so obviously there’s the nostalgia factor. But for me, she speaks on quite a lot of issues like gay rights and feminism, and all of her songs perfectly sum up the experience of being a woman.”

Some of the shirts are apropos for Pride Month. Seeing a boy of no older than 15 or 16 wearing a homemade “But Daddy I Love Him” shirt (the title of a “Tortured Poets” fan favorite), it’s easy to imagine some courage was required to don that apparel. Along the same lines, I spot any number of women making their own statement in shirts with the modified exclamation “But Daddy I Love Her.”

Gay or straight, 6 years old or 60-something, female or just female-allied, the crowd inside gets its sway on early in the show, with the arrival of the gentle, waltz-time “Lover.” It’s not one of the big set-pieces of this nonstop Broadway-style production — the spotlight is just on Swift and her acoustic guitar — but it might be the one where the entire audience feels like it’s at a four-minute campfire. No wicked witchiness here, just winsomeness.

Down on the floor, I’m seeing what amounts to a Taylor Swift mosh pit: gangs of two or three or five young women, ignoring the fact that Swift herself is just yards away from them on the ramp. They’re singing and acting out every last line to each other, as if the superstar isn’t even towering right over them. A waste of their euros? Hardly. Swift will capture their full attention again as the show proceeds, but in the moment, she isn’t just a superstar — she might be the world’s greatest community organizer.

[thelasttime]

lowkey concerned nothing will beat lover for me bc it was the album that came out when i was the happiest in my life (and then ttpd comes out when i'm feeling real low... and i don't even have a travis kelce to dull the ache....)

i miss the lover aesthetic so bad like the fun dyed hair, the glitter, the rainbow, the pastels, what a time !!!!!! the outfits !!!!!! sorry to the haters but i loved the casual outfits she was wearing and they ate!!!

[twopoppies]

Hi Gina... I need to rant 😠 lmfao

As a life-long Chiefs fan and KC native all I can say is this T*ylor shit is fucking annoying. I know you talk to a LOT of people in the fandom, so you may not remember, but I'm a fellow Sw*ftie hater (maybe that's too harsh but idgaf) and I didn't think it was possible to get more annoyed with this woman than I've been since I stopped being a fan in 2018. Boy, was I WRONG. I'm a die-hard Chiefs fan. I loved my team even when we sucked and couldn't make it to the playoffs (before Patrick Mahomes), so to see EVERYONE make the game on Sunday about her is beyond frustrating. People (Sw*fties) are seriously saying she's the only reason we won. Like we haven't won multiple AFC championships and two Super Bowls in the past three years. Maybe I'm just taking it too seriously, but when our boys played a kick ass game on Sunday after such a shitty season opener (that we lost), it was so nice to see that we're getting our mojo back but I literally can't look at any post, tweet, article, tv segment, etc that doesn't make the game about her.

God, please don't let her be around for the rest of the season 🙏🏻

Also, I'm not saying they're not hooking up, but this is 100% for PR. I've personally never seen them pan to a celebrity so many times during the game. I've never seen "candid" photos of Travis Kelce, Patrick Mahomes, or any of the other popular Chiefs' players leaving Arrowhead Stadium after a game like we just got with Travis & T*ylor, or "candid" photos & videos of any of the popular players driving through the city, which is so sus. And then what really sealed the deal for me was that T*ylor announced earlier today that her concert film will be shown internationally. She was also named as an entertainer of the year for entertainment weekly and is on the cover. Not to mention, she has a new re-recording coming out in a month and continues to announce new versions of the 1989 re-recording. "Someone" must not be happy enough that she's already broke records with the Speak Now sales, is selling the most number of albums overall, but she must be aiming to break those Speak Now records with the 1989 re-recording sales bc she's releasing new versions quite often. I mean, how greedy can one person be. Like you haven't sold enough albums? You don't have enough publicity? You don't have enough money? It's just gross to me.

Also, I personally just found her reactions over the top for someone who isn't even a fan, especially whatever that head shake thing is at the end. But maybe that's just because I find everything she does annoying and cringe.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CxmAHqjrACL/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Plus, the stats around Travis and the Chiefs have skyrocketed. So they're absolutely getting a lot out of this as well as the NFL like someone mentioned earlier.

I'll attach an article but here are some numbers:

Travis' jersey sales went up almost 400%

Stubhub ticket sales for Chiefs' home games increased threefold in just 24 hrs

Travis gained 325k new ig followers - more than he gained after winning the last Super Bowl

Sunday's Chiefs' game was the most watched NFL game on any network last week

It was also the most watched game among girls and women 12 to 49 yrs old

https://www.axios.com/2023/09/26/taylor-swift-travis-kelce-merch-sales-up-chiefs-kansas-city

And yes, I know I know a lot about her for someone who doesn't like her. But she's inescapable even when I have muted everything related to her... And now she's taking over my everything related to my favorite football team and my city 🤢 Where's Pete Davidson when you need him? 😂

Ok, sorry for that rant. I know I probably sound ridiculous, but I prefer my life T*ylor free just like I prefer my life Ol*via free, and I thought you might understand 😂 Anyways, feel free not to post if you don't want to discuss her anymore.

I hope you're having a good night, Gina. Lots of love.

She really is a horrendous actress. Everything she did at that game was so embarrassingly fake. But clearly people want to believe it because it’s everywhere.

That’s bananas how much his stats already went up and just shows why it’s worth it to do this kind of nonsense, even to someone who’s already really famous.

I’m not interested in football at all, but I’m so sorry she’s contaminating your safe space. 😩

[nolanhollogay]

i am very out of date on all of your obx ocs bc i have not been crazy interactive on here lately, but i would love to hear- literally whatever thoughts you want to share about any of them.

yesss getting to talk about my favorite thing <3

ok this will be long bcuz i have So Much going on but for context my obxverse, dog days of summer, is canon divergent bcuz i know better than the pates 😌

starting with our main character my favorite special little guy, edgar ramirez

he's deeply tragic (family trauma up to his eyeballs) but he's just a little lover boy!! his family owns a church in the cut, saint lucia's, and he gets wrapped up in the plot bcuz he has huuuge crush on jj, and then ends up in a secret relationship with him <3

in the later seasons, things get very complicated for him romantically (it's a whole thing, rafe is involved) and his faith is tested and he's just overall not having a good time </3

but he survives bcuz his heart is full of love

next we have nova morales!

edgar's complete opposite fgdgf she's the biggest hater girl in the obx!

her plot revolves around her issues with her family – her mother left her and her father about a year before s1 to start a new family on the figure 8 with a kook guy – and how that bleeds into her relationships with everyone around her

she's possessive and loyal but hates change and people trying to worm their way into her found family

she's a kie love interest and their very much enemies to lovers they cannot stand each other!!

next we have mikey caswell

his main plot is that he has no personality or interests of his own and just has no idea who he is <\3 bcuz of that he gets into a situationship with rafe (in his eyes they're dating, in rafes eyes they're just hooking up And he's using him to get close to edgar, it's a whole thing)

prior to s1, he was adopted by a kook family and the pogues feel like he abandoned them, and he honestly kinda did, so he's also trying to get back on their good sides!

also he's a john b love interest

next (again) is mags báez

mags is Also a pogue turned kook, but she moved when she was wayyy younger than mikey, around five years old, bcuz her dad got rich through computer shit

she's edgar's best friend, though they don't see each other much, and novas step sister thru marriage (it was her dad that novas mom left them for – im sure you can imagine how this might strain their relationship)

she's dating kelce in s1 and her story is about her coming to terms with her lesbianism and also trying to shed her people pleaser tendencies

she's a sarah love interest and she and her and kie are involved in a homoerotic girl best friend to enemies love triangle though none of them will call it that

we're almost done i promise!!

next is manny espinoza!

they moved to kildare at the beginning of the summer with their family and are trying to get accustomed to kook life which is hard when everyone around u is insane

he accidentally becomes friendly with rafe, topper and kelce, which is bad for a variety of reasons but mostly bcuz they bully them All The Time and basically haze them, it's a mess

they're a pope love interest and are just a little smitten kitten with him

last but not least! stella feng & lennon yang

they're minor characters but i love them!!

stella is a pogue, lennon is a kook, can i make it anymore obvious?

they have a star crossed lovers plot in the background!

also stella is a drug dealer & lennon is rafes only female friend! they're very normal and sane!

[geneshaven]

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

I've been putting this off for a couple weeks, but I have to talk about Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce.

First off, yes I am a Swifty. And yes, I am a man. But that doesn't matter in the big picture. She is a talented, successful, beautiful woman who has amassed a legion of fans with her music and stage presence. I don't think that anything about her is manufactured or fake. She is a real, genuine person and cares about her craft and the people who love her.

I am a huge football fan as well. And when Travis Kelce entered the picture, it was a perfect match in that spectrum. Watching them interact with each other for the past 6 months has been a delight. I am a romantic at heart and their relationship has moved me like a breath of fresh air. The PDA they displayed at the beginning of their romance was inspiring and I couldn't help comparing it to Kelce scoring a touchdown and Taylor captivating large, enthusiastic crowds with her performances.

They seem to be totally into each other. And just like following a football game or screaming in adoration at Taylor during her concert; it's epic.

But the past couple weeks, the insane, hardline conservatism that Magas, Fox News and the general insanity of the GOP has displayed is sickening to me. So let me sort this out. The GOP thinks that Taylor is an undercover operative working with Biden to gain votes for the upcoming election. Wow. I didn't think anybody from that party was intelligent or creative enough to come up with that kind of scenario. It is just bonkers. (The GOP party should change their name to the Bonkers party.) I guess haters are going to hate, no matter which hat they wear.

But despite all this insanity, I am going to thoroughly enjoy the upcoming Super Bowl. I am going to enjoy, win or lose, Travis and Taylor's love story. I am going to lose myself in the idea of love and how high it can elevate all of us.

And maybe within that, I can find a little for the Bonkers party as well.

Go Chiefs!

[ts1989fanatic]

It’s Taylor Swift’s world and we’re just living in it — whether we want to or not

In 2023, no one can escape Taylor Swift.

Her Eras tour has helped float the U.S. economy, her support of rumoured beau Travis Kelce (ever heard of him?) saw his NFL jersey sales shoot up by 400 per cent, and now the music superstar is about to conquer the box office with her new concert film, “Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour,” which opens today in Toronto.

Even Beyoncé attended the “Eras” movie premiere on Wednesday night, an appearance Swift described as “an actual fairy tale.”

But what if you’re not a Swiftie, but your timeline has morphed into a Swiftian landscape rich in sightings, analyses and album announcements? What if you just want to watch football in peace, or worse: you liked Travis Kelce before he was Swift-adjacent? Will you ever be blessed with a brief reprieve?

Not in this lifetime, friend.

Since launching the Eras tour this spring, Swift has morphed from musical mainstay into cultural juggernaut, displaying not only mass appeal, but a unique brand of resilience. She has transcended mere celebrity and become impervious to her haters who drag her for being “basic” or for dating problematic men. Swift seems to knows that she’s accumulated an unprecedented amount of cultural capital. Before, she had sparkle; now, she’s got swagger.

This outcome was not assured. Swift was out of the in crowd for a decent amount of time. In 2016, she retreated from the spotlight after being embarrassed by the release of an edited phone call with longtime nemesis Kanye West.

That same year, Swift’s relationship with actor Tom Hiddleston was defined by questionable photo opps and the “Loki” star’s homemade “I [heart] TS” tank top — a moment so cringeworthy that it ensured Hiddleston’s name was swiftly taken off all “next James Bond?” lists. (ELLE magazine called the tank “notorious.”) Taylor Swift fatigue was real, and it seemed like her best-before date had finally arrived, that the Teflon remaining from Kanye’s 2009 “I’mma let you finish” speech had finally worn off.

This assumption was embarrassingly inaccurate. Upon the release of “Reputation,” the 2017 album that addressed everything from Swift’s Kanyé feud to her new relationship with then-boyfriend Joe Alwyn, the superstar not only embraced the fallout but built a new persona on the back of it. Her lyrics confronted her haters and critics (“I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time; Honey I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time”). She parlayed the near-universal backlash into her origin story — superhero or supervillain, depending on your loyalties. (“The old Taylor can’t come to the phone. Why? Oh, she’s dead!”)

Six years later, Swift is stronger than ever.

Since 2017, Swift has released four full-length albums, directed a short film for “All Too Well (Taylor’s Version)”, re-recorded and released a series of previous albums in order to reclaim her own masters, and starred in Netflix’s 2020 documentary, “Miss Americana.” Swift’s billion-dollar Eras tour is defined by the personas that parallel her discography. While many artists turn their backs on former incarnations of themselves, Swift has used her past to guarantee a more powerful future.

How did Swift become the woman on which local economies rest?

Yes, her songwriting is solid. Absolutely, her work ethic is terrifying. Taylor Swift is not like us. But where most of us cringe at past life choices, Swift has mined hers to create a myth of universal relatability. In support of her albums’ re-releases, she dresses the part of each era, proudly standing by the girls she used to be, thus reaching even more listeners. (Maybe you hate her “Lover” era, but you might stan “evermore” or “Midnights.”) She is confident in herself, in her music, in her dancing. She attends her (maybe) boyfriend’s football games alongside her famous friends, laughing and cheering and raising a glass. She doesn’t care what anybody thinks, because she doesn’t need to.

Taylor, unapologetic, is a world-dominating Taylor. Her earnings speak for themselves.

Those billions alone undermine her positioning as “one of us.” Swift’s allure exists in creating and selling the myth that all it takes to rise atop the pop culture pyramid is talent and determination. But we all know that’s not true. Anybody watching Swift-mania unfold understands that what we’re seeing play out is a tightly choreographed performance that keeps us watching and waiting, wallets open, to see what she does or says or releases next.

[lestappenwdc]

Suzuka unserious race overview by me

Well hello it's me again. I kinda didn't want to do this today but I promised myself to do it every race so I don't forget about the races and how they made me feel so let's get going under the cut.

1. Red Bull

So so nice to see Max back at the top again. I don't see the haters cheering this time. You can have ONE (1) race to cheer and Max will be back at it stronger than ever after. Who's laughing now? I was really pissed off last time ok?

Perez is also back in his usual form which was kinda nice to see. My beef with him is now over and he can stay.

2. Ferrari

Every race I come here wondering if I'm gonna have another bad thing to say about Ferrari and every race I'm dissapointed. Remember how I said team orders were a good call last race? Well this race it was the wrong decision to make. The way they told Charles was condescending and he was not in fact fighting Norris. They should have held position and everything would have been the same. But noo for some reason Ferrari has to make everything about the driver who is leaving in a year. Garbage team with garbage priorities.

Carlos again drove a very mid race. I cant believe someone voted for him for dotd like what does he even do at this point.

Charles on the other hand? Incredible amazing extraordinary showstopping a fucking masterclass drive by him. He deserved the podium. He deserves everything in the world if you ask me. But I am so proud of my boy and I can't wait until he figures out quali and crashed everyone. Soon. Soon Soon.

3. McLaren

I was shitting on Lando right after the race a lot because he didn't manage to defend against Carlos but thinking about it now... Lando did nothing wrong (aside from lock up 🙄). McLarens strategies sucked so bad It was actually embarrassing. For both drivers. On top of a bad strategy Oscar had a bad race on his part as well. That Tyre degradation compared to his teammate is worrying. He can work on it but it's something he really really needs to figure out and soon. On pace Lando was good and he could've beaten Carlos if McLaren were just a little more capable as a team.

4. Mercedes

What the actual fuck is wrong with Mercedes? How are they so slow? Lewis is barely racing he's just vibing at this point. Poor George is trying but nothing is working evidently. Just.. embarrassing. And then you have Toto yapping about Max left and right? Bffr sir you will be struggling to find a driver at this point yet alone Max. Maybe one of the Alpines will want to switch it up for a faster slow car. Try there.

5. Aston Martin

Stroll and Lance are racing in different categories. Idk what Stroll is doing but it's not it. One race he's decent the next he fumbles it hard. It goes back and forth. Fernando may be a pain in the ass but he's consistent and a good driver. Nothing to add. Stroll do better.

6. RB

YUKI POINT!!!!!!!!!! AT HIS HOME RACE!!!!!! THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!!!!! I'm so so happy for him, he's been doing an exceptional job. 👏

Danny..... I read the report and it sounds like he (and Alex) got unlucky. But that seat is slipping away real real fast if you ask me.

7. Haas

Another decent race for Haas. They couldn't do more than that tho, they never would have. There was not enough DNFs in the top spots. Unfortunately it has come to this. If the lower teams want some points they need to fight for the 1 spot left out by Strolls incompetence. The field is so devided this is our reality. Unfortunately. Still a positive race for them. Still rooting for them so much.

8. Sauber

They raced? Honestly I don't remember. I saw Bottas pass Sargeant but that's about it. Ohhhhh Zhou DNFed. I hope it doesn't happen next race. Other than that 🤷‍♀️

9. Alpine

Not alpine touching 2 minutes into the race. They were so slow even Sargeant passed them twice. Ocon and Gasly need to find themselves better seats next year. Where are Travis Kelces money I wonder? It's just sad.

10. Williams

No words. Just no words. Another chasis ruined. They will not have a single car for Miami with this pace. Not Albons fault this time but still kinda is. You were saying 3 days ago that you need to be more careful so why tf were you not more careful? I get it wasn't his fault but like... less risky moves maybe? You're fighting for 15th ffs.

[leclerc-s]

i did something bad - part ten

KARMA'S A RELAXING THOUGHT

masterlist//previous//next

CANADA 2024

teaganhorner monthly dump!

view all comments

username boyfriend charles is my favorite charles

francisca.cgomes when i followed you it was to see your beautiful face not sharl.

↳ lilymhe i agree, go back to being a secret.

↳ teaganhorner stop being haters. let me be in love!

arthur_leclerc ew what is that thing?

↳ charles_leclerc i'm telling maman!

↳ username typical sibling behavior. always pulling mom into things.

↳ username in charles defense, arthur's acting like a typical younger sibling.

alex_albon BOO! WHERE'S THE RED BULL CHARLES CONTENT?

↳ username alex gets it.

↳ username this man also helped poach charles from ferrari of course he'd be glad to see charles at red bull.

↳ teaganhorner god, you must hate love albono

↳ alex_albon GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT HORNER!

maxverstappen1 oh come on! is no place safe from you two?

↳ username pray for max, my guy has been going through it.

logansargeant mom? dad?

↳ charles_leclerc no.

↳ teaganhorner yes!

↳ username i bet charles never anticipated becoming a grid dad to two rookies and an f2 driver.

redbullracing you know the drill people. it's a red bull 1-2 here in canada! il predestinato is on a role with another win!

view all comments

username the way charles ran up to max to celebrate their win. those two are best friends.

↳ username no, you're forgetting the way both of them ran up to lando to celebrate their first podium of the season together. they're brothers ladies and gentlemen.

username LET'S FUCKING GO!

username i was going to say that another season of red bull dominance was going to be boring but this season has been so interesting. with mercedes back on the rise and williams/alpha tauri pulling through this season. it's been so interesting.

↳ username i hate that mercedes is back on the rise because lewis once said that when he had his 8th wdc he'd consider retirement and i'm not ready to watch him go.

↳ username DO NOT EVEN PUT THAT OUT THERE!!

username the best fucking karma to ferrari would be if charles won the wdc in texas.

↳ username if he keeps up his streak of wins he probably will

↳ username fuck that, he's winning monza and he's winning spain because fuck sainz sr. not sainz jr.

↳ username wasn't carlos the one who punched and bashed teagan? why not fuck him?

↳ username because it's his father who's the dickhead not carlos. the man genuinely seems to dislike what's happening at ferrari now and we all know people say things when they're angry.

↳ username but also it's his parents who've been constantly bashing charles in the spanish media. i can still remember a specific situation involving honor last year.

SPAIN 2024

teaganhorner posted a new story

hola españa, are you ready for it?

lance stroll horrified looks from everyone in the room...

daniel ricciardo seriously? again? lance stroll once again, says the guy who sang our song in an interview and has basically made his love for taylor swift known daniel ricciardo she is arguably the most talent person born in 1989 lance!

lando norris slander to sza but okay.

lewis hamilton i don't know if i should be impressed that you know who sza is or not?

lando norris i had to look up other celebrities born in 1989, sza was the only one i recognized on the list

logan sargeant i recall teagan playing nobody gets me by sza last year

teagan horner listen, my boyfriend was having a horrible season, i was allowed at least one depressive song per race.

alex albon heathens, is maximillian okay?

teagan horner he's fine. the impact winded him and it was definitely a little dramatic bringing him to the hospital. but yes, he's fine. max verstappen that's not my name alexander! alex albon he's fine. got it.

oscar piastri i bet daniel wishes he were travis kelce.

daniel ricciardo DUDE! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO AUSSIE SOLIDARITY? oscar piastri IT DIED THE MOMENT YOU DITCHED ME AND LEFT ME WITH CARLOS'S DAD AND GIOVINAZZI. IF LOOKS COULD KILL I SWEAR I WOULD BE DEAD!

charles leclerc but you didn't do anything?

logan sargeant oh funny thing, people want oscar on the monza podium as a fuck you to sainz sr.

max verstappen fuck that guy. i can’t stand him.

teagan horner amen to that brother.

pierre gasly spanish media has been real quiet lately

lewis hamilton teagan, charles, and i grabbed lunch two days ago. i’m waiting for a ‘teagan horner trading company secrets’ article. teagan horner they’ll leave out the part where charlie was with us and say something like ‘teagan horner cheating on disgraced ferrari driver with 7x world champion’

charles leclerc wow calling me disgraced is a bit mean no?

oscar piastri it’s what they’ll say. we all know it.

mark webber you people are so dramatic

logan sergeant zip it multi-21

lewis hamilton i would agree but i also have a flair for the dramatic.

george russell yes, we all recall the “well he’s not my friend.” alex albon hearts were broken that day. mine included. esteban ocon didn’t he also get asked if he was a better driver than he was in 2016 and didn’t he respond “yes, and teammate” i could be wrong. teagan horner AND WASN’T NICO PRESENT DURING THAT INTERVIEW??

lando norris expecting brocades 2.0 and we got brorarri instead.

lando norris that doesn’t sound as nice.

lewis hamilton i get it i’m dramatic, it’s the capricorn in me

yuki tsunoda that excuse would work if you actually believed in zodiac signs but since you don’t, it doesn’t lewis hamilton i could! yuki tsunoda but do you?

teagan horner lewis how do feel about songs such as the great war and my tears ricochet by taylor swift?

lewis hamilton haven't heard them, why? teagan horner no reason!

liam lawson the real question is how does max feel about seven?

max verstappen if i cried, it's no one's business but mine charles leclerc he totally sobbed like a baby. max verstappen fuck you charles, i didn't! teagan horner he did, i was there! max verstappen go back to being a secret!

redbullracing despite issues this week, charles and max were able to come out on top this week. it's another red bull 1-2 here is spain!

view all comments

username calling giovinazzi crashing into max and later trying to provoke charles issues seems so funny to me

↳ username it seems hilarious to me

username they were on a mission this week and i loved it

username this is for everybody who said it was pure luck charles kept winning races. he went from p18 to p1 and max went from p19 to p2. those are MY red bull drivers

username they were not about to lose that red bull streak in spain of all places.

username spanish media has been real quiet today

↳ username they can't say anything because charles handled the situation yesterday with grace.

↳ username they can't even say anything about teagan leaving with max to the hospital because the camera's literally picked up charles telling her to leave with her 'brother'

↳ username i knew max was basically christian's son but this just confirmed it for me.

username two failed by ferrari drivers and carlos sainz sr.'s least favorite driver being on the spain podium is my favorite thing ever

username crying as a ferrari fan but also crying because charles has had his best season ever and i love that for him

↳ username leaving red bull was definitely the correct choice for him

↳ username facts!

taglist: @landonorizzz @nichmeddar @bionic-donut @embrosegraves @six-call @unluckyyoshi @jamie-selwyn @storminacloud @cool-ultra-nerd @kami10471633 @int3rnetgf @fernandoswarcrimes @skynel09 @arieltwvdtohamflash @mimolovescookies @brekkers-whore @natcha888 @camdensreg @mycenterfold @baw-sixteen @dear-fifi @chiliwhore @cataf1

note: i can only tag up to 50 people in one post so i'll be rotating the people tagged every other post. so if you were tagged last time, you won't be tagged for this one and so on. this is just so everyone gets tagged, i hope y'all can understand.

¡leclerc-s speaks! i'm not dead, i just lost motivation for this story for a little while but i'm back! it's a new year miracle! as i said before, someone had to be the bad guy and i didn't want it to be carlos for too long in the story. sorry to antonio giovinazzi, i'm sure he's a great guy but for plot purposes it's just the way it goes.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

[newagesispage]

                                                                     NOVEMBER   2023 

THE RIB PAGE 

** 

Hackney Diamonds is out. The Stones performed with Lady gaga in NY at the release party. In attendance were Elvis Costello, Diana Krall, Jimmy Fallon, Chris Rock, Trevor Noah, Christie Brinkley and Daniel Craig. The Stones are all in their 70’s and 80’s but Mick was still showing some nip. 

***** 

Foo Fighters are heading out on tour in 2024!!! 

***** 

If you’re afraid that books might change someone’s thinking, you’re not afraid of books, you’re afraid of thinking. - Andrea Junker 

***** 

In May. Russia banned all late- night shows except Fallon. 

***** 

Did ya catch the rant that Congresswoman Jasmine Crocket had?? She called out the lack of evidence against Biden and wondered why our Government’s secrets were in Trump’s “shitter.” 

***** 

New York was flooded. 

***** 

Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift (Traylor) are keeping the NFL and the gossip pages talking. 

***** 

It seems that the last few years, China is rehearsing war in Taiwan. 

***** 

Gwen Stefani got her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. 

***** 

Hooray for Vera Wang. When asked what keeps her ageless at 74, she told us, “Vodka, McDonalds, Dunkin and hardwork.”  

***** 

Matt Gaetz filed a motion to vacate and they voted out Kevin McCarthy on October 2. McCarthy blamed the Democrats. 45 Republicans issued a letter that things have to change and they were embarrased about what is happening. They put a speaker pro tempre, Patrick McHenry, in place for a bit. Steve Scalise seemed a better choice but he wasn’t it. They went with Jim Jordan but there weren’t enough votes. In the end, the fifth choice was Mike Johnson. The Trumper who is an election denier and won’t even discuss the subject, was voted in. I can’t wait to see what his scandal is. Bill Maher commented, “Loves Jesus, hates democracy.” **And, what of  this terrible Virginia Fox from N. Carolina who told the reporter to shut up when asking Johnson legitimate questions. Another democracy hater, no doubt. 

***** 

Chloe Troast is the newest SNL cast member to join. They came back live on October 14 with Pete Davidson.** Mick Jagger made a couple of cameos on the Bad Bunny episode!!** Chris Walken popped up on the Nate Bargatze show. 

***** 

The Writers settled their strike. SAG AFTRA is still trying. Healthcare workers are on strike. It seems like the UAW may have settled. 

***** 

Biden’s dog, Commander, keeps biting people. 

***** 

There is a new coke for the younger set, Coca- Cola Y3000. Ok. 

***** 

Stevie Nicks has a barbie with her name on it. 

***** 

Days alert: Ok, there is no rhyme or reason to the ‘new’ Theresa. After the initial shock, her colleagues are cheering her on. Nothing against Emily O’Brien but bring Jen Lilley back!! Talia and Chloe and Phillip are headed out of town for a while. Clyde and Lucas are back. Holly and Tate have been soap aged and are back as teens. ** Is that Nick that is back?? Same actor but this time he is Everett with a link to Stephanie and Jada. The Pawn storyline is coming back around. Since Everett seems to have a past with children of men from stories of the past, is he a part of it??** And speaking of Jen Lilley, during covid she started ‘Christmas is not cancelled.’ The program has bought toys for 72,000 kids so far!! 

***** 

Jessica Lange is getting ready to retire. 

***** 

Joaquin Phoenix is Napoleon in the new film of the same name. 

***** 

The Vet aid concerts will be held in San Diego on Nov. 12 with Joe Walsh, Stephen Stills, The Flaming Lips and ELO. 

***** 

The B-52's were to perform at the White House on Oct. 25 but instead were guests. It was decided that the ongoing crises in the world, there should just be instrumental background music. So, nobody should be happy? 

***** 

George Santos and Meghan McCain were on a podcast together. That sounds about right. I could see them becoming a duo. The man has 23 counts against him. By the time you read this, he may be ousted!! 

***** 

The World Series has the Arizona Diamondbacks and the Texas Rangers. 

***** 

Pete Holmes has quit drinking he seems much louder now. 

***** 

What?? Geddy Lee has a show about bass players and all they can do?? What?? I am there!! 

***** 

The film, David Holmes: The Boy who lived will be out on Nov. 15. David and Daniel Radcliffe got together to work on the tale of David, Radcliffe’s stunt double on Harry Potter who became paralyzed after a stunt. 

***** 

Simone Biles is now the most decorated female gymnast in history. ** Apparently, Mary Lou Retton has no medical insurance and is in a Texas hospital with pneumonia. 

***** 

Hamas attacked Israel. Militants carried out early morning surprise murders and abductions. Israel responded by telling the world they were at war.  

***** 

Mike Lindell says he is out of money and can’t pay his legal bills. All these shady republicans from the Trump posse could not have been as rich as they kept claiming. They all seem to be unable to pay their bills. 

***** 

About 1,000 migrating birds crashed into McCormick Place in Chicago.  

***** 

Biden says that he has no choice but to work on the border wall. 

***** 

The story of Jimmy Saville is coming to the BBC. The story itself is horrendous but needs to be told. The Reckoning stars Steve Coogan. Will it come to the U.S.?? 

***** 

I have noticed that true crime shows are telling tales of the covid years. Murder continued thru the pandemic. 

***** 

Prequel is the new book from Rachel Maddow. This looks like an interesting, timely and frightening lesson in the silver shirts. I never knew Eric Severeid discovered and infiltrated the American Nazi’s. The Christian front plot involved those in our own Government. There are a lot of books coming out. There was a great deal of writing going on during covid. 

***** 

Sly Stone has a memoir out, Oh that gotta be wow! (thank you falettinme be mice elf agin), brought to you by Questlove.  

***** 

Barbra Streisand also has a memoir, My name is Barbra coming out Nov.7. 

***** 

Wayne Brady stars in the Wiz on Broadway and has just told the world that he is pansexual. 

***** 

The Zuckers and Abraham also have a book, Surely, you can’t be serious. 

***** 

Leslie Jones has a memoir too: Leslie f#cking Jones. 

***** 

Henry Winkler wrote Being Henry: The Fonz and beyond. 

***** 

Channing Tatum and Zoe Kravitz are engaged. 

***** 

The Great British Baking Show will have no more theme weeks. There were some complaints after Mexican week. 

***** 

About a year ago Schwann updated how they do their service and became Yelloh.  

***** 

California law will ban red dye #3, potassium Bromate, brominated vegetable oil and propylparaben. 

***** 

Bobby Kennedy Jr. Has become an independent. Four of his siblings have already condemned him. 

***** 

Steely Dan was replaced as opener on the Eagles Farewell tour. Steve Miller Band will take over. 

***** 

The Peoria Journal Star will become postal delivery only. 

***** 

There is a film coming out about Anita Pallenberg. 

***** 

Clarence Thomas is recusing himself over a suit about the 2020 election. 

***** 

Dean Phillips is running for President. Mike Pence has dropped out. 

***** 

Scary Clown 45 is teaching us so much like we need to dampen the forests and that the letters u and s are in U.S. and that spells us.** He also announced that, “People in Beverly Hills, generally don’t smell too good.”** Another gem:  “the low rated late- night creeps are back.”** The Trump parade of trials continue. In the NY civil fraud trial, he is already guilty, they are just figuring out the rest. Trump was again fined cuz he can’t keep a thought to himself. The Trumps could lose control of their company. They repeatedly submitted fraudulent documents. 

***** 

Sidney Powell pled guilty to Georgia election charges. She received 6 years probation, fines, must give an apology to the citizens of Georgia and testify against other defendants. Ken Chesebro pled guilty to conspiracy to commit filing false documents. These fucking people are like spoiled rotten children. If they don’t get what they want, they do whatever they please to get it. ** Courts have told us 60 times that the election was good. Will it ever sink in? 

***** 

Congressman Jared Moskowitz is proposing that if Trump insists that Mar A Lago is worth 1.5 billion (100 times what the tax man says it is really worth), then they should raise his taxes accordingly. 

***** 

Word is that 1 oz. Gold bars are selling like crazy at Costco. 

***** 

Governor Huckabee Sanders of Arkansas got into some hot water over a $19 thousand podium and fudging government tallies.  

***** 

Kari Lake is running for Senate. 

***** 

Lesley Matvszak, former CEO of WTVP passed away. The board is now looking into, “questionable, unauthorized and improper use of funds.” The station also owned Peoria magazine and that seems to have now gone under with all the budget cuts. 

***** 

It seems that the migrants shipped to Martha’s Vineyard and other places was done illegally. The covert criminal operation is being looked into by a Sheriff I nBexar Co. Texas who is not too happy about the whole situation. Deception and unlawful restraint are just the start of it. Operatives including former U.S. Army intelligence are suspected of driving around approaching migrants. Calls from the operatives go back to Gov. DeSantis office where the $600 thousand in costs seemed to come from Florida. The migrants were given gift cards if they signed a paper that allowed transport. They claimed to be promised housing and jobs. 

***** 

Wolfgang Van Halen married Andraia Allsop.** Frances Cobain married Riley Hawk. 

***** 

The Dept. Of the Treasury has put sanctions on 11 entities. 

***** 

Sen. John Kennedy’s advice to his colleagues: “Take your meds.” 

***** 

The latest in sexual misconduct: 7 women have alleged sexual and physical abuse by Brian Foster.** 2 women have accused Danny Elfman of sexual abuse. He was ordered to pay $830,000 to Nomi Abadi but did not pay the full amount.  

***** 

Watch for the film, The Treasure of Foggy Mountain from Please Don’t Destroy. The offering from Ben Marshall, John Higgins and Martin Herlihy with Conan O’Brien will air on Peacock on Nov. 17. 

***** 

The guinea worm problem continues to decline. Infections are down 27% from 2021. 

***** 

Netflix will open Netflix House, real stores with merch and events. 

***** 

Carl Ruderman, an executive whose family once owned Playgirl, pled guilty to conspiracy to commit securities fraud in a $250 mil scheme. 

***** 

X-rays on the Mona Lisa (Lisa Gherardini) have shown that a unique chemical was used . The make- up of the paint used plumbonacrite, a by- product of lead oxide. The paint in each of his works was different. 

***** 

R.I.P. Dick Butkus, Keith Giffen, Phyllis Coates, Rudolph Isley, Tim Wakefield, Mark Goddard, Suzanne Somers, Louise Gluck, Hughes Van Ellis, Charles Feeney, Al Petteway, Burt Young, Lara Parker, Joanna Merlin, Louie Meriweather, Joan Evans, Rock Brynner, Richard Roundtree, Judy Nugent, Aaron Spears, Tyler Christopher, Matthew Perry and Piper Laurie. 

[celldeal57-blog]

Eagles v. Giants: 19 winners, losers, and I dunnos

Winners

The Philadelphia Eagles

BY A WHOLE FREAKIN’ LOT

Carson Wentz

Honestly, I’m kinda glad that Giants rookie running back Saquon Barkley had himself such an evening. He took the biggest chunk of the NFL attention, while Carson’s dominant performance went rather quietly by.

Carson’s placement looks as good, if not better than it did last season. His mobility is clearly back to pre-injury levels. HIs mental processing is back to last season’s levels, though there’s still growth to be had there. His improvisation and willingness to extend plays took a step forward. His risk management is still wild and still awesome.

The real 2017 MVP is back.

Jason Kelce

Kelce is playing better than any other Eagles offensive lineman (for the second season in a row, mind you) — but today especially, Kelce was clearly very oriented on setting protections and accounting for those pressures defensive coordinators have been scheming up against Philadelphia’s slide protection calls. Throw on the extra pass protection responsibilities with the young Seumalo to his left, and Kelce continues to be Wentz’s best on-field friend.

Isaac Seumalo

Speaking of young Isaac, he had his best game I’ve seen him play in a midnight green uniform.

That said, Seumalo is still a limited player. He is undersized and carries his mass high, so it’s tough for him to drop anchor against power rushers — and he saw power rushers in Dalvin Tomlinson and B.J. Hill, the defensive tackles for the Giants. Seumalo loses ground, which compromises the integrity of the pocket — and I’m not sure that will ever change.

But! Seumalo’s technique is clearly improved, both in terms of how he works his hands in pass protection and how he climbs into the second level. He’s a similar player in terms of strengths/weaknesses to Kelce, which may cause problems if they play side-by-side in the long run. But he seems to be settling in, which is great news.

Jim Schwartz

Ol’ Jimbo reached into the bag of tricks tonight, incorporating far more traditional split-safety shells in this game than I can remember seeing in seasons past. Those looks helped protect his corners deep, which let them be more aggressive downhill making tackles and playing on the football.

A lot of that has to do with the fact that Evan Engram and Rhett Ellison were both out for the Giants — New York had no tight end threat. But the positive returns from the varied coverage shells may lead to further creativity down the line — and boy, that would be a welcome sight.

Alshon Jeffery

Any and all questions about Alshon’s caliber should be eliminated at this point: he is clearly a Top-15 receiver in the NFL, and while that isn’t elite, it’s of a dominant mold. Alshon took a good playmaking corner in Janoris Jenkins and, by and large, beat him around the schoolyard. Next question.

Corey Clement

How refreshing it was to see Clement out there, even though Wendell Smallwood still saw a healthy amount of touches. This, from the post-game scrum, was really interesting:

Clement runs with such urgency — it does get him into trouble some time — that it’s tough not to feed him the rock, especially in those goal line situations in which he did get a few touches. Wendell’s struggles in short-yardage opportunities — not to mention the fumble — also spell more looks for Corey in the future. Not to mention: his pass protection is excellent, and helped multiple times last night.

The Eagles offensive line, when unsettled in pass protection, seems to get into a groove with running calls. I think we may see a bit more balanced of an offensive attack down the line (much to my chagrin; passing is more fun)

Jordan Hicks

This was the first statement game for Hicks after his return to injury — it isn’t that he’s been playing poorly, but rather that the Eagles’ stout rushing defense had been overshadowed in headlines by their leaky secondary.

But tonight, with the amount of running back targets doled out by the Giants, Hicks had every opportunity to become an active defender in the short areas, and showcased his typical sideline range and excellent instincts. That forced interception was all film study, and it was exciting to see Hicks’ characteristic playmaking borne of film work show up once again.

HICKS BACK ALSHON BACK CARSON BACK COREY BACK!

Doug Pederson

Called a great game, just like he’s been doing all year.

If anything, the big improvement was the reading glasses. Very studious. High intimidation factor.

Jordan Matthews

Here’s why Jordan Matthews is a winner: because Shelton Gibson isn’t anything beyond a deep threat yet, Matthews is the WR depth. (Kamar Aiken isn’t even a real person; DeAndre Carter is clearly a special-teamer in the coaching staff’s eyes.) Those two 3rd down slant patterns speak to the trust that Carson and Doug have in his ability to separate with timing; play with consistency in key moments.

And Matthews is so well-liked by the organization, there’s more than a decent chance he’s retained as a potential WR4 next year. And I think that’s just heart-warming.

The Philadelphia Eagles

Because they play in a division with Jerry Jones, Dave Gettleman, Jason Garrett, Jay Gruden, Dan Snyder, and Pat Shurmur. Get all the way outta here.

Rasul Douglas to safety truthers

Congrats, folks. You bore the long night and came out victorious. Get ready to never see it again.

Losers

The New York Giants

BY A GREAT DEAL

The New York Giants

Because Eli Manning is still somehow their starting quarterback

Odell Beckham Jr.

Because he’s unbelievably talented, and Eli Manning is still somehow his starting quarterback

Saquon Barkley

Because he’s unbelievably talented, and he was drafted by the New York Giants, whose starting quarterback is still somehow Eli Manning. And because he’ll always be remembered as the non-QB pick.

Pat Shurmur

This is the funniest thing I’ve seen in the past 10, maybe 15 minutes

Wendell Smallwood

Wendell was playing well coming into the week, and that didn’t even change too much tonight — but right when Corey Clement came back from injury, right when the Eagles made headlines for their apparent pursuit of a running back...Wendell nearly committed a hugely costly fumble. He also struggled to see the hole quickly, in my opinion — and clearly isn’t trusted in pass protection.

A step back after a few steps forward. Shame, that.

The haters, naysayers, Foles truthers, and despairing Eagles fans

Get all the way outta here.

I dunnos

Jason Peters

How serious is Jason Peters’ bicep injury? I don’t know.

How healthy has he really been for the first six weeks of the season? Seemingly he hasn’t been 100% at all, but I dunno the extent of the problem.

How healthy can he reasonably be expected to be, at his age, after his surgery? I dunno. Not 100%, again, I’d say.

How much were his struggles tonight tethered to health, and how much were they tethered to declining play? I dunno. Probably a bit in the middle.

Should Big V start above him? Heck no. Never that.

Source: https://www.bleedinggreennation.com/2018/10/12/17966666/philadelphia-eagles-new-york-giants-thursday-night-football-carson-wentz

[junker-town]

NFL Dad, Week 13: The Jets got lit up like a Christmas tree and still won

One man’s quest to balance parenting his two young children with seven hours of RedZone Channel

We got a Christmas tree today. This in no way makes us remarkable, but part of being a parent is embracing the unremarkable. You were once destined to climb mountains and see the world, and now you’re a supporting character in a different story. You live to teach and guide your children, and their happiness becomes the biggest source of your happiness.

Maybe that sounds sad to you. I would counter that it is less sad than having your emotions tied to the success or failure of a football team, which is also something that I also do. At least as a parent, I can control SOME outcomes.

I can take my kids to a sidewalk Christmas tree vendor (weekly aside: Do not raise children in New York City), and they will delight in the smell and feel of so many pine trees on a previously anonymous corner. For the effort expended to lug a tree home — larger than the one we got last year, because the kids deserve a bigger tree — I will be rewarded with eager and curious minds thrilled at Christmas lights and ornaments and the star atop the tree. (I will also remind them that they are not supposed to touch the ornaments 30,000 times a week, and this will do nothing to prevent at least three cherished curios breaking before the 25th.)

With the tree up, it’s officially Christmas season in my home now. And with the holidays come NFL playoff races! Let’s do this.

EARLY GAMES, FIRST HALF

— We’ve got an absurd NINE games on the early slate: Broncos-Dolphins (no), Niners-Bears (nah), Texans-Titans (nope), Vikings-Falcons (YUP), Lions-Ravens (ehhh), Pats-Bills (RIP Bills), Colts-Jags (good night Colts), Bucs-Packers (N/A), and Chiefs-Jets (oddly compelling?).

— The Chiefs zip down the field for a quick touchdown drive to open the game. Alex Smith is perfect on the drive, and hits Travis Kelce for a 22-yard score. HE THRIVES ON CALLS FOR HIS JOB.

— The Bills’ blue-on-blue uniforms look great, especially in contrast with the Pats’ comparatively drab navy pants. Too many teams have trended to dark or black jerseys, like uniform design is a David Fincher movie. Knock it off, it’s just sports. Bold colors are good! (Except orange. Take a hike, orange.)

In related news, Tyrod Taylor throws an AWFUL interception at the goal line. But he, uh, looked great doing it, uniform-wise.

— My son is 19 months old now, but I’m not one of those parents who says he’s 19 months old. If someone asks how old he is, I just say, “about a year and a half” unless I know for certain that the person I’m talking to is the parent of a young child. Like, for all I know, that person was just making small talk, and I gave them a math problem.

“How old is he?”

“SIX SEASONS AND FOUR WEEKS.”

— The Jaguars break out their most effective offensive play: THE FAKE PUNT.

Look at that touch! Philip Rivers built a career on that parabola. The play goes for 29 yards and leads to a Marqise Lee touchdown from Brick Burgers.

— My son talks constantly now, but it’s rarely more than one word repeated several times. Right now, it’s “Mat. Mat. Mat.” He’s holding the plastic mat we lay down for messy activities, then he walks over to the bin that holds the Play-Doh and its accessories. “Mat. Mat. Mat.”

Even though it’s only a few minutes until his nap time, hearing the same word repeated 40 times in a row can wear a man down. I lay down the mat and pull out a couple containers of Play-Doh. Does he squish it with his fingers and try to make shapes? Oh no, that’s no fun. He just shakes the Play-Doh out of the container, then puts it back in. Out, in. Out, in. So glad I laid out the mat so we could really maximize this learning material.

— The Chiefs have the ball again, and the first play RedZone shows is play-action for another Kelce touchdown. He has two scores in the first four and a half minutes of game time. Alex Smith is 5-5 for 111 yards and two touchdowns. Andy Reid: Extremely good at scripting the first 15 plays.

— Jimmy Garoppolo throws his first career interception when Kyle Fuller rips the ball out of a receiver’s hands. That’s the second straight week that’s happened to a 49er. NOT JIMMY G’S FAULT, HE’S STILL PERFECT.

— The Patriots offense has started out slowly, and Tom Brady is acting like Josh McDaniels debunked the pseudoscience against eating nightshades.

Tom Brady is unusually mad at Josh McDaniels #Pats http://pic.twitter.com/XC20urF3DE

— Clay Wendler (@ClayWendler) December 3, 2017

— Trevor Siemian’s second interception is a pick-6, and the Dolphins are up by a score of who gives a shit. The Broncos should probably try to start another quarterback, maybe that will turn their season around.

— The Jets have tied it up at 14. It’s an old-fashioned Alex Smith-Josh McCown shootout!

— Tarik Cohen runs about 100 yards for a 61-yard punt return TD. It is my firm belief that when George Halas founded the Bears, an angel came down and offered his franchise an unlimited supply of either brilliant quarterbacks or totally bitchin’ kick returners. And that’s why Jay Cutler is the best quarterback in Bears history.

HOLY TARIK COHEN #Bears http://pic.twitter.com/2qGNwLknfW

— Clay Wendler (@ClayWendler) December 3, 2017

— On the day the College Football Playoff committee determined its four teams, Jameis Winston does his best callback to his last appearance in the playoff, a frantic, ill-conceived fumble that goes for a FAT GUY TOUCHDOWN.

BIG MAN LAMBEAU LEAP! #GoPackGo http://pic.twitter.com/o7XVmlX9iT

— NFL (@NFL) December 3, 2017

— The best and worst of Alex Smith: Backed up deep in his own territory, he escapes the pocket, outraces defenders, and breaks tackles en route to a 70-yard run. A couple plays later, it’s 3rd and 11, and he holds the ball and dances in the pocket for AGES before the Jets finally sack him. The Chiefs kick a field goal.

— Just before the kids went down for their naps, my wife ordered breakfast burritos from the local Mexican place. So what if it’s 2 p.m.? We DESERVE some spicy egg wraps. We earned them through patience and patience and not yelling at our kids and more patience.

EARLY GAMES, SECOND HALF

— Leonard Fournette goes untouched on a five-yard touchdown run, then the Jags celebrate with a successful free throw attempt.

The Jacksonville Jaguars are the best free throw shooting team in the NFL @BigCatCountry http://pic.twitter.com/Ws8YiCcZIx

— Clay Wendler (@ClayWendler) December 3, 2017

In a twist on any possible “and-one” joke, Doug Marrone declines the PAT to go for two. The conversion is good, and Jacksonville leads 24-3. Cool, I can stop paying any attention to this game now.

— Theo Riddick scoots around tackle to cap a solid Lions drive and put them on the board; they trail 20-7. It’s probably time to acknowledge that I have spent much of my week saying how much I detest the Ravens offense — particularly Joe “the black mold of quarterbacks” Flacco — only for Flacco to look kinda-sorta competent in a dominant first half for the Ravens. He even threw a 66-yard completion to Mike Williams that set up a touchdown.

This is not a mea culpa, by the way. Joe Flacco will continue to be trash, but he’ll make the playoffs because half of the Ravens’ remaining games are against the Colts and Browns. Then he’ll probably get a playoff win because the AFC is crap, and he’ll make fewer mistakes than Blake “Dumb Flacco” Bortles in a game at Jacksonville.

— The Chiefs notch another score with their explosive play capability when Smith airs it deep for Tyreek Hill, who races to the end zone untouched for a 79-yard touchdown.

You're not going to stop the @Cheetah. #ChiefsKingdom http://pic.twitter.com/R7mHefFZGB

— NFL (@NFL) December 3, 2017

Not to get too meta on how this column gets made, but because I embed so many tweets from the NFL’s account, I’ve become horribly aware of how incredibly bad NFL players’ Twitter handles are. I even started keeping a list of the worst ones, but it got too big and depressing for me to ever make note of it.

I only bring this up now because @Cheetah is the coolest possible handle for the NFL’s fastest player. He used to be @ImFasterThanYa (good brand awareness), but I applaud spending a little coin to TRULY own the social media speed space.

— Well, this is a downer. Tyrod Taylor suffered a knee injury, and he’s wearing a towel over his head as he gets carted off. He was having a lousy game, but it’s not like the Bills’ chances IMPROVE with him off the field.

— Alex Collins scores a touchdown to effectively seal the game for Baltimore, and, even as a Ravens hater, I have to admit that the ensuing celebration is the best of the day so far.

Brilliant #Ravens tug of war http://pic.twitter.com/w6A9sX5D1I

— Clay Wendler (@ClayWendler) December 3, 2017

— I’ve barely seen any of Vikings-Falcons, but that’s because it’s been a taut game without many touchdowns in a crowded field of games. The Vikings lead 14-9, and it’s a minor crime that this game has barely been shown while Chiefs-Jets has gotten top billing. But on the other hand: TOUCHDOWNS, BABY.

— A third and short completion to Jordy Nelson is somehow inches short of the first down in the red zone, and Mike McCarthy chooses to kick a field goal to tie the game at 20 instead of sneezing the ball forward for a first down. It’s the safe play, and the “playing not to lose” lack of aggression is vintage McCarthy. There’s just over two minutes left for the Bucs, and all they need is a field goal drive to lock up a road win that will effectively eliminate the Packers from playoff contention.

RELATED: Shout out to my fellow Jordy Nelson fantasy owners who have watched him go from essential touchdown machine to a dud thanks to Brett Hundley.

— After the Falcons miss a 45-yarder that would have made the score 14-12, they start burning timeouts with more than four minutes remaining. Facing third-and-4 with a chance to seal the game, Case Keenum finds a wide-open Adam Thielen for a first down and acres more. How’d he get so open? Let’s take a look:

DESTROYED on the release. Adam Thielen is legit http://pic.twitter.com/urT675x4YR

— Sam Monson (@PFF_Sam) December 3, 2017

— Tyreek Hill torches the Jets secondary AGAIN, this time for 41 yards, and KC retakes the lead, 31-30.

MVP ALEX SMITH HAS RETURNED TO US #CHIEFS http://pic.twitter.com/AujEI2PPut

— Clay Wendler (@ClayWendler) December 3, 2017

I hope he didn’t pay for that @Cheetah handle. I hope he won it in a footrace.

— The Niners, whose RedZone appearances today have largely been limited to replays of grasping at Tarik Cohen, nevertheless win the game when Robbie Gould kicks his fifth field goal of the day. I can’t even muster the excitement to press the caps lock key when I type “robbie gould revenge game.”

— Time to check in on my fellow Northwestern alum:

Siemian 13-33 for 143 yards and 3 INT vs. Dolphins pass defense that came into the game 31st in DVOA

— Danny Kelly (@DannyBKelly) December 3, 2017

GO ‘CATS!

— With the Lions trailing by 10 and six minutes remaining, Matthew Stafford sails a pass that gets intercepted. Stafford also injures his throwing hand on the play, so the Lions will fall to 6-6. They are eliminated from playoff contention.

Sure, mathematics will say that they still have a chance, and their logo will appear under “in the hunt” on playoff graphics for another week or two, but let me make this easy for you: The Lions are eliminated from the playoffs. Let’s not kid ourselves, people.

— My son presses the power button on the cable box. I turn it back on with the remote, but he presses the button again. I tell him NO, and he laughs in response. This is the most fun he has ever had pressing a button.

When I finally get the TV back on, someone on the Packers is celebrating their overtime victory with a Lambeau Leap. I could look up what happened, but that would tarnish the integrity of the column. This is parenthood: You miss events from the real world because of your kids.

— Thanks to a rash of Chiefs penalties, the Jets run 10 plays with goal to go — one of them a field goal attempt that becomes a first down due to an unnecessary roughness penalty. The comedy ends with a McCown sneak, his second such score today (unrelated: I am going to lose in fantasy because my opponent started Josh F’n McCown).

Because it’s 36-31, the Jets go for two, and the passing attempt is no good. But there’s another flag! And this is when the Chiefs’ meltdown becomes performance art:

MARCUS PETERS THREW A REF'S FLAG INTO THE STANDS #CHIEFS http://pic.twitter.com/NSWUCUZ6ij

— Clay Wendler (@ClayWendler) December 3, 2017

MARCUS PETERS THREW A FLAG INTO THE STANDS http://pic.twitter.com/poy8SCew5c

— SB Nation (@SBNation) December 3, 2017

While the Jets convert the two-point conversion from a yard out, Peters gets escorted off the field, and everyone naturally assumes that he’s been ejected. BUT WAIT:

NFL says Marcus Peters was not ejected from the game officially. He left game after tossing a penalty flag into the crowd. Walked right out

— Jason La Canfora (@JasonLaCanfora) December 3, 2017

Please keep in mind that there are still more than two minutes remaining in this game, and there’s a good chance it could go to overtime. But Marcus Peters was just like, “F this noise.” I suppose commentators will cluck about “maturity” and “playing smart,” but from a neutral standpoint, this was HIGHLY entertaining.

A few minutes later, Peters returns without his socks. He is one of my favorite players now. (The Chiefs lose.)

— Looks like the nativity scene in our home and trips to church are paying off, as my daughter has painted her first piece of religious art.

“Jesus and Sleeping Doody,” washable kids’ paint on paper, 2017

— With the game on the line and the Texans trailing 17-13, Houston left tackle Jeff Allen — ordinarily the team’s right guard — commits three straight false starts to turn fourth-and-4 into fourth-and-19. But Tom Savage steps up in the pocket and completes a pass just past the sticks.

It’s not that Savage is a hero. It’s that he won’t let anyone else on the team be the goat. That’s HIS job! As such, he throws a game-sealing pick in the end zone, and the Titans defenders run a layup drill on the goal post.

Lay-up lines! It's all about the fundamentals. #TitanUp http://pic.twitter.com/5GJJeiDQet

— Tennessee Titans (@Titans) December 3, 2017

SAVAGE.

LATE GAMES, FIRST HALF

— Browns-Chargers is notable for two reasons: One, Josh Gordon is back, and I’d like to be on the record as a well-wisher. I hope he stays clean and finds the on-field magic he made in 2013.

Two, the Chargers have royal blue jerseys with bright yellow numbers and lettering.

Photo by Sean M. Haffey/Getty Images

It is striking and attractive, and exactly what the Rams should have done when they moved to Los Angeles. (Sorry, this column can’t be published without me hating on the Rams).

— As much as I love him, Marshawn Lynch has only shown little flashes this season of the running back he used to be; he hadn’t had a defining run that put his own stamp on the game. Well, leave it to the Giants to change that.

BEASTMODE! #RaiderNation http://pic.twitter.com/pTu3Bng1ee

— NFL (@NFL) December 3, 2017

— In a game to decide supremacy in the NFC South, the Saints are going straight for the kill. With the game still scoreless, Sean Payton goes for it on fourth-and-goal from the 2-yard line. Alvin Kamara gets positively ROCKED short of the goal line, but he stays on his feet and gets to the end zone anyway. That dude is the truth.

— For the first time in NFL Dad history, I am leaving the apartment during the RedZone games. There’s a Christmas tree lighting a few blocks away, and I’m not going to miss out on a chance to see my kids’ faces light up so I can watch ... what exactly? The Browns and Giants lose? No thanks. I’ll be back before halftime anyway.

The tree lighting, at the corner of a park, has a small-town feel to it. A line snakes toward Santa Claus, who has to “head back to the North Pole at 5:30.” A man takes the microphone to sing “So This Is Christmas,” and he seems genuinely surprised when he doesn’t know the lyrics beyond the first four lines. We count down from 10, and the tree lights up. In my arms, my son points to the top of the tree and says, “STAH! STAH!”

On the way back, my daughter runs off into the dark park and laughs over her shoulder as we tell her to stop. Our son follows her, so at least any kidnappers will be saddled with a package deal. My wife chases them down while I daydream about our trip to Barcelona, before the kids were born.

— When I left the apartment, the Giants were facing third-and-17. When I get back, the first play I see is Geno Smith getting strip-sacked for a turnover. Raiders ball. (Although to the Giants’ credit, they did score a touchdown while i was gone. It’s 7-7.)

— The Chargers are trailing 7-6 with time running out in the first half. Philip Rivers puts together a good drive, but the Bolts run out of time. After Rivers overthrows Antonio Gates on 1st and goal, there are only four seconds left in the half. They kick the field goal for a 9-7 lead.

— Larry Fitzgerald’s 1200th career catch is a touchdown that brings the Cards back within a score of the Rams.

Perfect pass. And a beautiful grab.@BlaineGabbert + @LarryFitzgerald connect for the @AZCardinals TD! #BeRedSeeRed http://pic.twitter.com/29KrGeGB3w

— NFL (@NFL) December 3, 2017

The PAT is blocked, so the Rams lead 16-13.

— The kids play Ring Around the Rosie, and at the end of the song, only my daughter falls down. She looks at me from her back. “I just scored a touchdown.”

“Oh yeah?” I ask.

“I’m the Seahawks!”

My wife cuts in. “If you were the Seahawks, you wouldn’t get in the end zone so easily.��� HARSH, WOMAN.

LATE GAMES, SECOND HALF

— On 3rd and goal, Keenan Allen’s textbook route-running gets him wide open on a slant, and Rivers finds him for an easy TD.

Philip Rivers @Keenan13Allen@Chargers TD! #Chargers http://pic.twitter.com/XZAxwrN9qP

— NFL (@NFL) December 3, 2017

It’s 16-7 Chargers, and it looks like today will end with them tied atop the AFC West with the Chiefs and Raiders at 6-6. I know LA’s been the chic pick to win the West for the last two weeks or so, but I’m on board as well. I’ve truly missed Rivers screaming at his teammates during a playoff meltdown.

— As my wife runs the bath, my daughter says, “I want to go swimming.” I help her put on her watermelon swimsuit, thinking she’s going to wear it in the bath. “I want to go swimming by myself,” she clarifies, then opens the door and goes into the hallway. With my wife giving our son his bath, I follow my firstborn into the hallway.

When we first moved in, just before my daughter was born, our neighbors down the hall had a three-year-old who was in the hallway ALL the damn time. He wasn’t poorly behaved, he was just always dashing around and lurking in the fire escape. “Take that kid outside,” I’d think to myself, swearing that I’d never let my kids run wild in the hallway. They eventually moved out, and I wasn’t sad to see them go.

“The swimming pool’s this way,” my daughter says, walking to the hallway’s dead end. For the next 15 minutes, we pretend to swim and put our faces in the water, intermittently pausing as guests in winter coats arrive for a party down the hall. “We’re swimming,” I tell them. I do not give a shit what they think.

— Kamara scores another TD to put the Saints up 28-14, and he goes all the way into the stands to celebrate with the fans.

.@Saints rookie RB @A_kamara6... B-E-A-S-T. #GoSaints http://pic.twitter.com/dSKxfb9cCf

— NFL (@NFL) December 3, 2017

I am already drafting him too high in next year’s fantasy draft. Literally: I went on Bill Barnwell’s podcast to do a too-early 2018 mock draft, and Bill sucked all the wind out of my sails when he told me Kamara doesn’t get enough touches to merit a second-round pick. WRONG! HE’LL SCORE TWO TOUCHDOWNS EVERY GAME FOREVER AND EVER.

— I get my son out of the bath and put him in pajamas. I give him a sippy cup of milk, and he gets pissed off for some reason that he can’t communicate, because he’s just a little hairless monosyllabic chimpanzee. He throws his cup, and I put him in his crib for a timeout.

As he screams “DAD-DEE!” repeatedly — scream isn’t the right word, it’s more of a banshee shriek — the Rams score again to go up by two touchdowns. Not that the Cardinals were ever going to win this game, but now they’re REALLY not gonna win.

— As the games enter the fourth quarter, there’s only a single one-score game: Giants-Raiders. This is the result not of a hard, close-fought game, but of dedicated, game-wide incompetence. What a turd of a game.

— With the Browns not QUITE out of the game, DeShone Kizer drops back on third-and-goal, and Joey Bosa sacks him and knocks the ball loose from the reigning king of red zone turnovers. The soundtrack playing in my apartment is A Charlie Brown Christmas, which seems about right for Browns fans.

— The kids go down to bed at 7:15 p.m., and not much has changed in any of the games. The Rams are en route to win. The Saints are en route to win. The Raiders are going to win. The Chargers have maybe already won? And me, I’ve got to go get more Christmas lights. That’s the cost of getting a bigger tree.

[theofficefantasyfootball]

WEEK 3 - Wrap Up

“You never know what the tide could bring in”

Sure I thought about deleting the league on Sunday afternoon.  I’ll admit it.  I could just push a button and claim that something went wrong and everything would be gone.  I could offer refunds, maybe suggest we continue on with the “alternate league THE REAL OFFICE” and see what happens…but then I reminded myself that just because I am having the worst possible fantasy football season that I could ever imagine… that things can still turn around , that I need to somehow stay alive…I have to keep breathing,  because tomorrow the sun will rise…and who knows what the tide could bring.  Hoping this video clip speaks to you like it did me…if you are a loser - there is hope!

GOAT vs LANAKILA

We have known him as Here We Go Without Romo, Haters Gonna Hate, Cup Cake and of course the hit of the draft GOAT.  My theory is he is trying to pull a” Mr Awesome” and call himself something in hopes that he will become that…which is a reach for sure.  But this week Kyle actually was the greatest – taking down a tough team in Lanakila and grabbing the high point win ($20).  I always say when your opponents kicker gets 19 points you are probably in trouble and add to that 45 from Brady,  24 from Freeman and almost 23 from Cook and it’s a guaranteed win.  As long as Cliff can keep Hill and Gurley healthy he will have more wins in the future – but this week he feels the agony of defeat.

LONG LEFT BALLERS vs MOOSES ON THE LOOSES

It’s good to know that there is justice in the world.  Bebo, who entered week 3 a two time loser – faced the very cocky, 2 time winner Mitch White, who even with a normal Kareem Hunt performance of 172 yards and a td – couldn’t go 3 and 0.  This game was over even before MNF began – where Bebo still had Elliott and Witten to play…so the points continued to stack up while the Moose sat at 88.80.  Here’s the thing…I like the Moose and I believe he might even make the playoffs this year – but every couple of weeks a guy like that needs a loss to keep perspective…and I am sure that after this loss sinks in, Mitch will probably call Bebo and thank him for the lessons he has learned.  Great job Bebo…sorry no high point but must be nice to have your first win.

ISUCK vs BAAAAAAD TO THE BONE

Listen, here’s the deal – Stu and I are both terrible.   Stu is just, this week not as terrible as I am.  My team is in chaos.  I want to go back to draft night and start over.  I really feel like when GOAT messed with my draft order it messed me up and I lost my 4th round pick strategy and now it’s going to take half the season to get myself out of it.  Thanks GOAT.  I mean what can we say here.  We both left big numbers on our bench.  I had Travis Kelce put up 1 yard for the entire game…that’s .10 points and Stu had a decent day from Winston and a great night from Carlos Hyde.  But bottom line we are both pretty bad and if you lose to us – you should be ashamed of yourselves.  Minka Kelley goes to Stu this week.  Enjoy!

TREE HUGGERS vs FUNK GUY

On this match up, I must admit that I actually feel a little bad for the Funk Guy.  Maybe it’s because I personally know how it feels to lose 3 weeks in a row, but also because he did come close to putting up 100 points and had good performances from a few of his players - Jordy and Odell. Basically, his QB & RB’s just didn’t show up like he needed them to.  For Krippayne (Tree Huggers) though – with the exception of Forte and his very early picked defense -  Seattle Seahawks (go TITANS)….all of his team decided to play and for a while it looked like he could be heading for a high point week.  Sorry Funk Guy.  Hang in there at some point you will face me and get your win!  Good luck Scott, next week you face Gullahorn who is coming off a huge loss and will have focus like you have never seen before.

TuMADRE vs HOWARD

I was going to start this paragraph with a question,  like why on earth would Gullahorn sit Demarco Murray and instead play Mike Gillislee, but then I realized that it doesn’t matter…even if he did make better choices – no combination would have beat Howard this week so what’s the point. And sure, we can see from Andy’s social media that he had a busy week…learning Rich Mullins songs for a show at the Ryman,  playing concerts in Texas, Badminton practice and probably  dozens of therapy hours we are not even aware of – but bottom line – he didn’t have the talent and Rob Howard did.  I mean Rob had Drew Brees, Piere Garcon, Gronk and the kicker I really wanted Matt Bryant.  Of course he was going to win.  Also, this week – he wasn’t busy at all…he ate dinner Friday night at Butchertown Hall…I saw him mowing his lawn…other than that – he had hours and hours to dedicate to his team.  Great win Howard.  Love the focus and dedication.  

MR AWESOME vs RUTLEDGE

Mr Awesome is once again Awesome.  I have to admit I was starting to get nervous.  It would be pretty embarrassing to be called Mr Awesome but be performing like ISUCK. But, thanks to Rutledge, Gabe walks away with his first win of the season.  Gabe showed us that you can still win even if your QB and TE decide to put up miserable numbers.  And Rutledge showed us that Marshawn Lynch spent his whole week learning new dance moves instead of looking at his playbook and also actually if your kicker puts up 19 points that doesn’t guarantee a win.  Both of these guys are now 1-2 just like the Jets, Colts and Bears.

SURVIVOR

And then there were seven! With Mooses on the Looses picking the Miami Dolphins who lost to the mighty Jet’s of New York…another one bites the dust.  Good Luck to those that remain!

TOP GOLF NASHVILLE THANK YOU!!!!

Just wanted to say a special thank you to Top Golf Nashville for having THE OFFICE Fantasy League out to celebrate their grand opening here in Nashville.  So sad that not everyone could make it - but great to have HOWARD, BAAAAAAD to the BONE (formerly Seven Springs), FUNK GUY, LANAKILA and THE COMMISH himself on hand.  

[league-of-light]

Week 2 Power Rankings

Dylan’s feeling a little sick today, so allow me to introduce the rankings. Since I’m the color here, I’ve decided to go with a theme for this week.  The theme? Todd Gurley II.  Todd the Godd has risen from his eternal slumber of 2016, and to celebrate his return I’ve decided to Gurlify this week’s rankings.  Just like his mother, Darlene Simmons, I’ve never been prouder.

I love you, Todd.  With that being said, let’s jump right into it. 12. Team Calm Down Will (1-1, last week #10)

After the injury to David Johnson last week Arielle takes over the Andy Brown Memorial 12th Spot. Following arguably the worst performance in league history, an embarrassing 53.5 point debacle, it's hard to see the Bortles Squad bouncing back.

Gurlllll, WTF? Todd’s expression seems to perfectly encapsulate all of ours when we look at Arielle’s lineup.  Sitting Jarvis Landry for Ted Ginn Jr.?  He calls himself Jr., he doesn’t even use the II like Todd does. Starting Thomas Rawls? Arielle, I know it took you about 45 reminders to actually join the league, so I’ll take this opportunity to remind you the ultimate goal here is to win. 

11. Lakewood Denny’s Diners (0-2, last week #8)

We want to like this team, but they're just not performing. They have arguably 4 superstars, and maybe the best kicker and defense in the league moving forward, but they still can't top 85 points. Maybe they can parlay their strong bench (Jimmy Graham, Ben Roethlisberger) into a better WR2 or flex. Don't be shocked if this team is in the top 5 next week.

Nervous Todd.  Todd’s face says it all.  8 yards from Ezekiel Elliot?  There are no words. I mean, there are words, it’s just that most of them revolve around how Todd Gurley is better than Ezekiel Elliot, but that’s not what this write-up is for. We’re cautiously watching the reigning champ’s team.  Just like Todd in the 2016 season, they should be better than they are currently performing.  Bowers needs to find the Jeff Fisher on his team and cut him loose so that his team can play to their maximum potential.

10. Eternal Dalmatian (1-1, last week #12)

Maybe they should be higher after last week, but let's not give in to recency bias too quickly here. They scored 58 points in week 1. If they look more like the Week 2 version moving forward, they'll skyrocket up the rankings soon. Still, it will be interesting to see what Lynch and CJ do as they start facing some real defenses, as the RB depth is a concern here.

Smart and also Sexy Todd Gurley.  Look at Todd, now look at Andy’s lineup.  Notice the similarities.  That’s a lineup full of smart decisions, and it paid off with a sexy point total.  Eternal Dalmatian might have had a ruff week 1, but this team has proven their bite is as legit as their bark. Haha, yeah, dog puns.

9. And You Find Geoffrey (0-2, last week #11)

Still desperately in search of Geoffrey. It's never a good sign when two guys combine for 50 points and you still manage to lose. Still, they were one horrendous lineup decision away from victory this week, losing due to starting Corey Coleman over Allen Hurns. Hopefully, in addition to Geoffrey, they can find a lineup that gets their best guys in.

Ashamed Todd Gurley.  Even with Crabtree posting his ridiculous stat line, Evan couldn’t win.  Hide your shame, but you won’t find Geoffery under that towel.

8. Frightening Froakie (0-2, last week #9)

Things didn't quite work out after the big trade this week, but there's some hope under the surface. If Luck ever gets healthy, there is some decent depth here, and we can't see Jordan Howard putting up .7 every week. But will they be too far out by the time Luck and Martin come to save them?

Todd “Oh shit, this building is on fire, get me outta here” Gurley.  Despite his trade wizardry on Jordy Nelson, Dylan couldn’t pull off the victory.  The squad moves to 0-2 on the season, and the team is beginning to look like a scorching hot dumpster fire.  Luckily the additions of Jay Ajayi and Ameer Abdullah should quench the flames a little.

8. Team Mena (0-2, last week #5) 

We might actually be underrating this team. Terrible schedule luck has them at 0-2, but they're the #6 scoring team and are pretty close to the top of the league there. Tom Brady looks dominant (but why do they have Cam Newton?), so if Amari and A.J. break out, this team could put a hole in the wall separating them from the top teams in the league.

AHHHHH Todd Gurley.  Todd is looking at Harnsowl’s matchup in pure bewilderment and frustration. 30 points from Brady, 15 from Hyde, and still a loss?  Team Mena put up 104 points and simply got the short end of the stick here (there’s a joke to be made about Mena also having a short stick, but I’m not writing this for the DA office’s enjoyment.  Mena - if Phil has shown this to you, that face is also Todd’s reaction when he heard you paid $125 for a blowjob at Delilah’s Den)

6. Squirtle Squad (2-0, last week #6)

They're undefeated, but they're only 7th in the league in points scored. After a huge shakeup this week, they were still just the 8th highest scoring team but were able to pull out a win thanks to a terrible opponent. Still, this might be the deepest team in the league, and they just won despite a 0 point performance from Jordy Nelson. If they can figure out their best lineup moving forward and start playing actual NFL QB's instead of flaming piles of garbage, they can make a big leap forward.

Cheeky Gurley.  Jordy didn’t play, Diggs and Cook were crippled by Case Keenum, Jared Goff did worse than Mariota thanks to a final drive interception, and Kupp got out-shined by Gerald “who the fuck is this guy?” Everett. But hey, none of that matters because Todd Gurley put up 25 points and is back. Feels good.

5. From Whentz We Came (2-0, last week #4)

Undefeated, but 20 points behind two of our 1-1 teams (Walsh Me Nae Nae and Bilalipop Guild), this team is tough to evaluate, as they won't face a 53 point team every week. Big performances from Davante and DeVante helped hide potential issues elsewhere, but they'll need Pryor and McCaffrey to get going if they want to beat real opponents.

Elusive Todd Gurley. Jason’s team reminds the women of this league that there still is a glass ceiling, as he has defeated them both and moved to 2-0 on the season. Chivalry wasn’t just holding doors open for women, it was the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms.  Arms like this bucknasty stiff-arm Todd Gurley delivered to Rey Maualuga. (Editor’s note: Jason has found hope in the form of a pagan god named Carson Wentz, and the followers of TGII condemn this behavior)

4. Bilalipop Guild (1-1, last week #7)

The biggest shift in this week's rankings. Odell Beckham is back, Ty Montgomery is incredible, and Travis Kelce is managing to make some great plays in between idiotic penalties. The RB situation leaves a lot to be desired, but there might be enough talent in the other spots that it doesn't matter.

Todd KING OF LAND AND SKY Gurley.  Just as you see Todd leaping over the once mighty and feared Bashaud Breeland, Samantha pulled out the victory over the once fearsome Daniel Walsh.  Her team has vaulted up in the rankings, like Todd vaults over opponents. Watch out folks, dropping 130 points without Odell Beckham Jr. is no joke, and the Bilalipop Guild is looking strong.

3. Primo Content (2-0, last week #3)

Once again, team Phil is starting off the year strong. With the new divisional format, it will be hard for even him to squander this lead in a weak division. In a year with a full eclipse, confused Oscar presenters, and no Jeff Fisher in the NFL, the world might finally be crazy enough for this squad to make the playoffs.

Dabbing Todd Gurley.  Partially because you’re one of the only people in this league who I can confirm has dabbed unironically, partially because your team is destined to fizzle out just like the dab did, and partially because you should get used to seeing Color Rush Todd in the endzone.  You’ll be seeing plenty of it on Thursday.

2. Walsh Me Nae Nae (1-1, last week #1)

A rough week, but the second member of Team Hurricane is still looking good moving forward. WE expect that he'll find a better defense moving forward and this week would have looked a lot better if he'd made some better lineup choices. These two are still taking the league by storm.

OOOOO Todd Gurley.  Walsh followed up his incredible week 1 performance by getting smacked.  Walsh’s team is better than they performed here, so I’ll use this opportunity to point out that Todd Gurley currently has more points on the season than Antonio Brown.  I’ll also use this as an opportunity to say screw all you haters from last year, Todd > Antonio.

1. Watch Me Not TV (2-0, last week #2)

Another dominant performance from Nico. He looks as if he'll be the Hunted moving forward, as his team is looking scary. Even his bench was dominant (44 points between Dez, Kendall Wright, and Buck Allen).

Chunky Todd Gurley. Nico’s team is looking chunky and is here to remind us you can’t spell chunky without hunky. Hunky like Todd Gurley. Hunky like a man who can cook.  Ladies, find yourself a man who can cook.  You deserve a man who can make you a meal as delicious as the taste of Campbell’s Chunky Clam and Corn Chowder with Bacon. (Sponsored ranking, to purchase Campbell’s Chunky Clam and Corn Chowder with Bacon please click here)

[cover32-yahoopartner-blog]

cover32 NFL Season Preview Roundtable

Last week, cover32 debuted a series focusing on the doppelgangers of some of the top NFL players of today. We found those of Tyreek Hill, Tom Brady, Bill Belichick, Aaron Rodgers, Ben Roethlisberger, David Johnson, and J.J. Wyatt.

This week, we gather together all of the cover32 national staff, for a roundtable discussion on the upcoming 2017 NFL Season.

Some of our writers will be familiar faces, some may not be.

The participants:

Editors:

Bobby Burack — Editor of cover32 daily national content; Managing Editor for cover32 Packers

Jacob Infante — Editor of cover32 weekly national content

Writers:

Robert Molnar –National writer for cover32; Managing Editor for cover32 Bills and cover32 Dolphins

Patrick Hatten — National writer for cover32; Managing Editor for cover32 Falcons

Jake Schyvinck — Managing Editor for cover32 Chiefs

Curtis Rawls — Managing Editor for cover32 Giants; National writer for cover32

Carter English — National writer for cover32

Ian Glendon — Managing Editor for cover32 Patriots; National writer for cover32

Stephen Ur: National writer for cover32

Patrick Backlas —  Managing Editor for cover32 Ravens; National writer for cover32

Andrew Erickson — cover32 Packers fantasy writer; host of “cover32 Fantasy Periscope with Andrew Erickson”

AROUND COVER32

Around the NFL: Chiefs’ TE, Travis Kelce, skyrockets up 65 places on NFL Network’s Top 100 list

What’s Trending: Raiders’ QB, Derek Carr, inches closer to massive payday

2017 Free Agency: Patriots agree to two-year deal with former Jets’ LB, David Harris

Fantasy Forecast: Projecting Dolphins’ RB, Jay Ajayi’s fantasy value in 2017

Counterparts: Is All-Pro QB, Aaron Rodgers, the Floyd Mayweather of the NFL

  1. cover32 has assembled a brand new cast for their national content for the upcoming 2017 season. Most of you were re-introduced last week in the debut of our doppelgänger series. For those that are new readers, tell the audience everything they need to know about you. Also, what is the best way to contact you?

Burack: For the ones that will find my name familiar will be 50% fans of my work; 50% haters. My work can be distinguished for firmly believing Aaron Rodgers is the best ever and, of course, Tom Brady is a product of the greatest system ever. Also, could be known for sports satire… as so many take this stuff all too serious. For a little background on myself, I use to be NFL writer for FanSided. I was blessed during my junior year of high school to be land a spot working for a magazine entitled, “The Gold Collectors Magazine”. My work there was centered around covering the history of the Chicago Cubs and there long, devasting World Series drought. I currently work at a radio station, DJing, performing sports interviews, color commentary for football and hockey, as well as other assignments. I have appeared on numerous sites for freelance work including The Big Lead. For those who are a fan of my work… stay tuned… all sorts of things are coming. For those who are not… I am not going anywhere. @bburack16.

Infante: I have been a member of the cover32 community since May of last year. Since then, I have been the managing editor of both the Jaguars and Bears pages here. While I have since stepped down from those roles, I have been transitioning to a national-based role here at cover32. I’ve loved football and writing since I was about six. After a tenure of playing football that could be best described as God awful, I decided to turn my attention to writing. Despite the wishes of many lovely folks, I have neither retired nor quit writing altogether quite yet. I have a penchant for all things Chicago sports, but football has always been my first love. You can follow me on Twitter at @jacobinfante24. If you wish to contact me for business measures or death threats, I can be contacted through email at jacobinfante1208@gmail.com.

Molnar: I am a lifelong Miami Dolphins fan that was born and raised in the southwest area of Florida. Despite also writing for the rival Buffalo Bills blog here with cover32, I try to remain unbiased when talking about those dastardly… I mean, lovely Bills. Besides writing for cover32, I also create the away game reports for the ECHL’s Florida Everblades, my true childhood love. Readers can reach me on Twitter @RMolnar1010.

Hatten: Most people don’t realize that I’m the best never-employed comedy script punch-up guy not physically living in Hollywood. Outside of my cover32 pieces, all of my TV pilot scripts and pitches are locked in a vault that’s more impregnable than Disney’s. So while I’m keeping my ‘A’ material stored away for time immemorial, I still felt that I should share my unique (unique’s a synonym for crappy, right?) humor and views the world through football articles. That’s why everyone should follow the cover32 Falcons feed. I haven’t let my success go to my head yet, so please feel free to reach me via email (scathing manifestos only please) at rphatten@gmail.com or on Twitter at @TheDeuce (I usually follow back unless you’re completely normal).

Schyvinck: I am currently a student at the University of Illinois studying economics and computer science, but I am a sports fan and sports nerd at heart. I am a huge football fan and a huge Packer fan. I am the managing editor of the Chiefs at cover32. The best way to contact me is to message me on Twitter @cover32_KC and @JSchyvinck13.

Rawls:  Although I live in New England, I am not now, nor will I ever be a fan of the Patriots. In fact, the notion that they are kind of the gold standard in the NFL makes me nauseous. I can take solace in knowing that Eli Manning got his two rings at the expense of the Evil Empire, I mean the Patriots. Although my heart bleeds Big Blue, I am objective and make no excuses for them no matter what their record is. I am on Twitter @CuRawls203.

English: I live in the southwest suburbs of Chicago. Despite being born in Illinois, I am a diehard Steelers fan and a fair weather Bears fan. My Dad’s side of the family is from western Pennsylvania, so I was born with black and gold in my blood. Even though my family and I are Steelers fans, we are also Cubs, Blackhawks, and Bulls fans. I have a huge love for Big Ben, and I hate Tom Brady with all of my life (I promise not to be biased). You can find me on twitter @Carter_English9.

Glendon: I spent the majority of my life in Massachusetts and I am an avid Boston sports fan. Currently, I reside in sunny Florida but I represent New England sports to the fullest. On top of being the Managing Editor for the Patriots section and a National Writer for cover32, I cover high school baseball in the Tampa, FL area. I love sports and they have been a passion of mine since I could speak. I hope to bring the same passion to my stories each and every day. I can be contacted on Twitter @iglen31 and you can email me: ian@gmail.com

Ur: I am very serious about sports journalism. While my main goal is sports radio, I find myself doing a lot of sports writing. I also host several podcasts (The SCU Show, This Week in the AFL, NAL Now, The Football Five). The best way to reach me is on Twitter @writingfanatic2.

Backlas: My name is Patrick Backlas and I am the managing editor for the Baltimore Ravens page. I am currently a journalism student at Wayne State University in Detroit. Being from the Detroit area I have always been a Lions fan, somewhat, unfortunately. Hit me up on Twitter @patrickbacklas or @Cover32_bal

Erickson: What is going, everyone? The name is Andrew Erickson and I am a writer for the cover32_GB account on Twitter. I will be doing some big things in terms of fantasy football for the national cover32 profile in 2017. Despite the fact that I cover on the Packers my actual favorite team is the reigning Super Bowl champs. I have lived in New England my entire life and have been to a few AFC Championship Games (winning and losing). If you ever have fantasy football questions or just want to say hi just reach out to me @Andrewerickson_ on Twitter. And as always if you ask for a follow, I am more than happy to oblige.

2. With still over two months until the start of the 2017 NFL Season, the NFL is still constantly in the news.  What do you think is the biggest storyline heading into the season?

Burack: Easy answer, the Dallas Cowboys. Isn’t that always the answer? They are the biggest story in sports. Whether it be for the right or wrong reasons. Last year they were led by two rookies to the first seed in the NFC. Will they suffer a sophomore slump? Will one of them? Will neither? Will they get the first seed again? Wil they miss the playoffs? These are just some of the many questions surrounding America’s Team. Not to mention. the always controversial, Jerry Jones still the owner. Oh, and former quarterback, Tony Romo, is now in the booth for Fox. What games does Fox get? The NFC games. Who is the most televised NFC team? The Cowboys.

Infante: I think that the biggest storyline this season is whether or not Tom Brady can continue his greatness. Going on 40 this season, he has yet to show any signs of declining. After last year’s stunning Super Bowl victory, Brady emerged in the minds of many (including myself) as the greatest of all time. But how long can he stay great? And can he lead the Patriots to yet another championship?

Molnar: The biggest storyline at this stage of the offseason has to be the Colin Kaepernick saga. Going the controversial route last season, Kaepernick looks to have been blacklisted by the NFL and its teams. Whether this is deserved or not is up for you to decide, but there is no doubting that this piece of news will almost certainly remain relevant the closer we get to the start of the NFL Season.

Hatten: The biggest storyline in my mind is “Who Can Stop The Patriots From Winning ‘One For The Other Hand?'” There are a lot of teams that are just ‘good,’ and it’s definitely not going be one without a competent quarterback (sorry Jaguars). How can a team keep shipping out their star players year by year and improve?! Bill Belichick’s biggest strength is his lack of emotion. We all get clouded by it like New York City smog in the ’70s, but Belichick just looks at his players like John Nash sees algorithms.

Schyvinck: The biggest storyline has been written during the offseason. Who is going to contend with the Patriots and their organization? They continually prove that they have better discipline, better coaching, and a better scheme than anyone in the league. Everyone is chasing them this season. They lost some key players, but then reloaded through free agency and the draft. I’m not sure who can stop them in 2017.

Rawls: The biggest headline heading into the season, much to my chagrin, will be the defending Super Bowl champions.  They are chasing their sixth Lombardi Trophy with a quarterback that will turn 40 on Aug. 3.  Belichick already has more Super Bowls than any other coach, now he’s chasing George Halas and Curly Lambeau for most league championships in history. Everybody has them has the favorites, so it will be interesting to see them defend their title.

English: The biggest storyline heading into the 2017 season is, can Dak keep rolling with Dallas? We know Dallas has good offensive players. We know Ezekiel Elliott is here to stay. We know the offensive line is great, but these rookie quarterbacks that go out and post big numbers in their rookie years do not look anything near their numbers in their second years. A few examples would be Matt Ryan’s second year, RGIII’s second year, and Sam Bradford’s second year. I think Dallas is overwhelmingly the most interesting story.

Glendon: The Patriots. They are the biggest story 365 days a week and heading into this season, it’s well deserved. Not only are they the defending champions, they have loaded up to the point that people see a run at 16-0, and eventually 19-0, as a realistic possibility. Until the Patriots lose, and that’s not a guarantee, they will be the biggest storyline in the NFL next year.

Ur: The biggest storyline has to be can Dak Prescott and Ezekiel Elliot repeat their performances from last year. The two then rookies took the lead by storm, leading the Dallas Cowboys to a 13-3 record. Will they suffer sophomore slumps or they have another successful season in Dallas?

Backlas: Covering the Ravens this offseason has really sparked my interest in the Jeremy Maclin story. The brutal cut from the Chiefs shortly removed from his wedding was one of the coldest business moves by a team in recent memory. Luckily he landed in Baltimore and the Ravens receiving group looks much stronger because of it.

Erickson: I think that one of the biggest storylines is the Raiders moving to Las Vegas. Even though it will not happen for a few more years, I think that many people are thinking that now finally the Raiders have the roster to make a run in their last few seasons in Oakland. They are going to sign Derek Carr long-term, they brought #BeastMode back, and they appear to be a team fighting for contention. Could they be the team in the AFC to finally challenge the Patriots?

3. For the past two seasons, both Carolina and Atlanta advanced to the Super Bowl when heading into the season, were not expected to do so. What team, that most are not thinking of, has the best chance to do that this year?

Burack: Also, it is important to add, both of them had quarterbacks who won MVP the same year. Another surprise both years. If one is trying to find the team nobody is picking that has a legit shot, it is the New York Giants. The Giants will have one of the best defenses out of all the top NFC teams. The only one that will be better is Seattle; however, with all their offseason distractions, I believe they will fall off a cliff. The Giants have the best wide receiver in the game, sorry Falcon fans. OBJ is a bad man. Now they add Brandon Marshall to help him try to handle his emotions, he may be even better. Drafting Evan Engram just makes the offense more prolific. The Giants also beat the Cowboys twice last year.

Infante: I think that this honor could very well stay in the NFC South with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. They did a fantastic job of surrounding Jameis Winston with offensive weapons. With DeSean Jackson and O.J. Howard joining the likes of Mike Evans, Cameron Brate, and Doug Martin, they could possibly have one of the best offenses in the league. Although their defense wasn’t spectacular last year, they have a few solid pieces. If sophomores Vernon Hargreaves III and Noah Spence continue to grow, then the Bucs could have an above-average defense next year. They will likely pick up a Wild Card spot, but it wouldn’t be too surprising to see them win the NFC South. Another sleeper could be the New York Giants. They, like the Buccaneers, added two very good weapons for their offense. Brandon Marshall and Evan Engram will join Odell Beckham Jr. and Sterling Shepard in what may be once of the best passing attacks in the league on paper. The Giants had a top 10 defense last year, led by one of the best defensive lines in the NFL. As their young secondary continues to grow, they could climb into the playoffs with a well-rounded team. We’ve seen Eli Manning dominate in the playoffs before. It wouldn’t be a surprise to see him do it again

Molnar: The biggest sleeper in the entire NFL this year has to be the Pittsburgh Steelers. Despite playing in the extremely tough AFC North, Pittsburgh always seems to have solid seasons year in and year out. With Big Ben returning this season despite constant rumors hinting at an impending retirement, the Killer B’s of Pittsburgh should he in full effect. If Bell can continue to rack up the rushing yards while Antonio Brown gets some help in the receiving game, the Steelers could be a shock contender to win the AFC this season and potentially, even the Super Bowl.

Hatten: The Los Angeles Chargers have the twenty-fifth best odds to win the Super Bowl (80/1), but it wouldn’t be crazy to pencil them in as the AFC champion. They have a solid defense, enough offensive weapons, and, most importantly, the best quarterback in the division (Derek Carr is coming off an injury, so I’m slotting him just under Rivers). The Raiders are considered the favorite, but they were weak defensively last season, Kansas City is still rolling out Alex Smith every week, and who knows who’ll be under center in Denver. With good injury luck, don’t be surprised to see the Chargers on top.

Schyvinck: In the AFC, it’s the Chargers. The Titans are too popular coming into the season to come out of nowhere. So, let’s go with the team that picked seventh overall in the draft. The Chargers boast a top level quarterback and plenty of weapons on offense. Melvin Gordon will continue to improve in his third season. Also, rookies Forrest Lamp and Dan Feeney will help an offensive line that has struggled in past seasons. The defense will also be improved. Joey Bosa and Melvin Ingram will dominate off the edge, and they drafted a steal in Desmond King in round five to help out the secondary. When healthy, this is a team to reckon with.  In the NFC, the Saints are the team to watch. The NFC South will be tough, but they still have the division’s best quarterback along with a solid offensive line. They can survive without Terron Armstead as long as rookie Ryan Ramczyk is ready to go by week one. Mike Thomas takes on the number one role at receiver, and they have multiple options at running back. The defense will only get better with new additions Marshon Lattimore and Marcus Williams.

Rawls: At the risk of sounding like I’m biased, how ‘bout them Giants?  They return nine starters on defense and added weapons on the offensive side of the ball.  No one, I mean, no one is going to pick Big Blue to win the Super Bowl but since this is the 10thanniversary of Eighteen And One, it wouldn’t surprise me at all if the Giants make it to Super Bowl LII.

English: I feel that the Carolina Panthers could be the surprise team that no one is thinking of. Last year, the offensive line suffered big injuries, this year they get Matt Kalil at left tackle to support the offensive line. Ron Rivera mentioned that the Panthers were going to try an “evolved offense”. This essentially means that the Panthers are going to rely more on a traditional running game and will probably eliminate the read option. This year, the Panthers are going to also have a ton of veteran leadership. This offseason, they acquired Julius Peppers, Mike Adams, and Captain Munnerlyn. These guys have a ton of experience and know what it takes to win big games. Last year, the Panthers had a Super Bowl Hangover resulting in them to go 6-10. This year, they will have a clean slate to work on. Finally, this Carolina Panthers roster has a lot of talent. When you look at the 2017 roster for the Carolina Panthers, one thing sticks out, it is still very talented. The team is capable of becoming a contender if all the pieces come together and work in unison. The talent is there provided it receives some good coaching.

Glendon: Why not stay in the NFC South for the answer? The Tampa Bay Buccaneers loaded up on offense, adding DeSean Jackson via free agency and tight end O.J. Howard in the draft. The offense looks to be one of the best in the league next year with talented players at all the skill positions. With a growing defense, the Bucs could find some magic and steal the division from the Falcons and make a run in the playoffs.

Ur: The New York Giants aren’t considered a Super Bowl team. However, they definitely should be considered one. They have a stellar defense, great wide receivers, a hall of fame quarterback and just drafted the second best tight end in the draft. They’re a decent running game from being serious contenders.

Backlas: My sneaky pick for the Super Bowl is the Lions. Not to be too much of a homer, but Detroit’s offense can be a force when it is on. And the defense is going to be markedly improved if Darius Slay can stick around all season, alongside a revamped linebacking group. I can’t quite say it will happen, but I definitely can’t say it won’t.

Erickson: The New York Giants aren’t considered a Super Bowl team. However, they definitely should be considered one. They have a stellar defense, great wide receivers, a hall of fame quarterback and just drafted the second best tight end in the draft. They’re a decent running game from being serious contenders.

4. cover32 reported last week Tom Brady is the odds on favorite to win NFL MVP at 4-1 odds, who is your pick?

Burack: Aaron Rodgers is my pick. He is the best in the league. As Stephen A. Smith so eloquently puts it, “He is a baaadddd man”. Oh, is he ever, Just look at what this guy did the second half of last season up until the Dallas game. When he faced Atlanta in the NFC Championship Game, both of his top targets Jordy Nelson and Davante Adams were far from even 80%. Rodgers should not only be the favorite for this award, in my opinion, he should be the heavy favorite. He also gets a little weapon known as Martellus Bennett.

Infante: I actually have a feeling that Derek Carr could defy the odds and have an MVP-caliber season. The only reason the Oakland Raiders lost in the Wild Card round was that he was sidelined with a broken fibula. He has great weapons around him, an elite offensive line and an improved defense. With the Chiefs looking slightly worse than they did last season and the Broncos in a state of quarterback bedlam, Oakland looks prime to take the AFC West crown. Carr has the talent, as well as the talent around him, to help make the Raiders elite, and winning himself the MVP in the process.

Molnar: The NFL MVP this season will be either Ben Roethlisberger or Aaron Rodgers. In the case of both quarterbacks, their play will be extremely important to the overall success of the team. Unlike Brady who has been named the favorite, both Pittsburgh and Green Bay would be far worse off without their respective quarterbacks. That said, for either to have a really good chance at earning the MVP Trophy in 2017, both will need to lead their teams to division titles and potentially deep playoff runs. Much like last year when Matt Ryan won the award, Roethlisberger and Rodgers may even need to lead their respective teams to a Super Bowl appearance in order to win the award.

Hatten: It’s got to be Brady. Outside of Rodgers and Ryan, most of the top favorites are locks to come up short. I will throw a dark horse in there though: Jameis Winston. Most people don’t realize, but the Bucs went 9-7 last season, only the second season after taking him first overall (they were very bad in 2015). He has some things to work on (long distance accuracy, not forcing the ball), but he’s a very confident guy who his teammates will follow anywhere (luckily the Tampa area is relatively flat).

Schyvinck:  The MVP favorite never seems to win. Nobody had Matt Ryan as the top candidate in 2016. This time, a two-time winner gets his third. Aaron Rodgers, with new additions and an evolving offense, will pick up where he left off after running the table last year in the regular season. His 40 touchdowns led the league last season, and he’s primed to do it again.

Rawls: Brady might have the easiest path to the MVP.  We can spot the Patriots six wins off the rip because of playing the Bills, Dolphins, and Jets.  In their other ten games, there are only two (against the Raiders in Mexico City, at the Steelers) where they could potentially lose. If they go 14-2, Brady will get the MVP unless someone else does something historic…and that might be pushing it.

English: Let’s be real, Tom Brady has the best odds to win MVP by far. The NFL is a passing league and there may be no more skilled passer than Tom Brady. The New England Patriots quarterback continues to spit in the face of Father Time and cement himself in the conversation of greatest ever.

Glendon:  If it wasn’t for missing a quarter of the season in 2016, Tom Brady would have won his third MVP. He will not miss out this time. He is the best QB on the best team, which is a huge factor in MVP voting. He has an absurd amount of talent on the offensive side of the ball and should push his career highs in passing yards and touchdowns. Another unanimous MVP win would not be out of the question.

Ur: Tom Brady is my pick for NFL MVP. He has the talent to make it work. Not only that, but he has several wide receivers to make it happen, including former New Orleans Saints wide receiver Brandin Cooks.

Backlas: Lest we forget Matt Stafford’s run at an MVP last season. For the majority of the season, Stafford was one of the top contenders for the award. This season, with an improved defense giving him the ball more, his second season without Megatron will be his best. Also, it is a contract year for what it’s worth.

Erickson: Raiders quarterback Derek Carr. Dude is going to go off! So many weapons and if he stays healthy? Look out!

5. Make one bold prediction for the 2017 season.

Burack: Hmm, how about this, TOM BRADY DECLINES. Yes, you read that right. That is right, I said it. Now listen, This is not a shot at Brady. Not a single player has yet beat father time. “Well, Bobby, did you not see him in the Super Bowl?” Yes, I did, I also saw Peyton Manning have one of the greatest seasons ever in 2013 breaking all sorts of records, and by mid-season the following year, he was no longer the same guy. I also saw Brett Farve have his best season ever in 2009, a year later, he broke down physically. The point is, these things do not happen gradually, one day you are great the next you are not. Brady is next!

Infante: The New England Patriots will not win the AFC East. Just kidding. Even I’m not that stupid. I will say, though, that this will be the year that the Tennessee Titans take a step into elite territory. With the additions of weapons like Corey Davis, Eric Decker and the criminally underrated Taywan Taylor, their offense is just about complete. Their defense was decent last year, but they managed to make it better by adding Logan Ryan, Johnathan Cyprien and Adoree’ Jackson to their secondary. I predict that they win will the AFC South (by a bigger margin than many expect), and will finally be taken seriously as a threat to the AFC crown.

Molnar: The Atlanta Falcons will not make the playoffs this season. Playing in the famous NFC South division, not only will the Falcons feel the after effects of last season’s Super Bowl collapse but the team will fail to make the postseason. Finishing third in the division — tied with the Saints — Atlanta will be forced to watch as both the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Carolina Panthers make the postseason. While it would be a major shock for many NFL experts, how many times in the modern era have we seen the NFC South be turned a topsy-turvy year in and year out? Mark it down now, Atlanta will miss the playoffs in 2017.

Hatten: The Falcons will miss the playoffs. I don’t think they will tailspin into Panther territory (they could still go 9-7, 10-6 and lose a tiebreaker situation like the Bucs last season), but it’s extremely difficult to bounce back after gift wrapping a Lombardi Trophy to someone else. This team is built to take the lead and rush, but they just lost the best offensive coordinator in the NFL in Kyle Shanahan. They will take a step back offensively. Against the wrong team (e.g. the Patriots), that defense can get ground down and not be able to play to its’ strength.

Schyvinck: The Atlanta Falcons return to the NFC Championship game. The Super Bowl hangover is common, but the NFC is wide open this season. They could easily win the division if the Super Bowl loss doesn’t linger with them. Their roster only gets better, and the offensive pieces are still in place. They reinforced their group in the trenches as well. This group has the swagger and the roster to make another deep run.

Rawls: I think the Dallas Cowboys will get exposed. Last season, no one saw them coming. Romo is gone and now it’s the Dak Prescott and Ezekiel Elliott Show.  I think they will get hit with the sophomore jinx and they won’t be as good as they were last year now that we have a season’s worth of game tape.

English: My bold prediction for the NFL season is that Philip Rivers will have the best season of his career. After a 5-11 record and both a league and career high 21 interceptions, 2016 was one of River’s’ worst campaigns. With that said, expect him to come out firing in 2017 and ready to prove that he’s still “got it”. In order for this to happen, however, Keenan Allen will need to not tear his ACL in week one, and Mike Williams will have to play like a No. 7 overall draft pick. Also, Antonio Gates will need to be his old reliable self.

Glendon:  The Tennessee Titans will win the AFC South over the Colts and Texans. The Texans may have the best defense in the division, perhaps the league, but the Titan’s are going to make some noise this year and steal the division from both. The Texans will be a wildcard team. Of course, you can always read my ’10 Bold Predictions’ for the Patriots season.

Ur: Every team in the NFC East will finish with 10 wins. All four teams have so much talent on offense. The winner of the division could depend on head-to-head matchups.

Backlas: Detroit for the Super Bowl is already a pretty crazily bold pick, but on top of that Green Bay will finish in third in the NFC North. Detroit and Minnesota will battle for the division crown while an aging Rogers without a running game will get pummeled by weakening offensive line across from a defense filled with holes. Green Bay’s reign of terror is over, praise the sun!

Erickson:  Jay Ajayi will lead the NFL in rushing yards. In games where Ajayi got the ball the Dolphins won and in games he did not get the ball? Well…they lost. Ajayi is going to get a lot of volume with carries this season.

6. Okay, now it is only June but never too early. Right now, who will be in the Super Bowl this year, and who wins?

Burack: On February 4, 2018, at U.S. Bank Stadium in Minneapolis, Minnesota, on NBC, it will be The Pittsburgh Steelers and the Dallas Cowboys meet in an epic showdown. As long as Le’Veon Bell does not get hurt in the first quarter against a broken-down Tom Brady (look at the question above for an explanation), the Steelers will be back. Yes, the Patriots will still be in the AFC Championship Game. They still have a loaded football team. In the NFC it comes down to this, the Cowboys are simply better than the rest. They have an offensive line for the ages. Dak and Zeke will be even better. The Packers still do not address their defense. Atlanta, sorry, the hangover is real. The Cowboys will have a tough time against the Giants but will ultimately get it done behind clutch plays by Dak.

Infante: Unfortunately, I think it will come down to the New England Patriots and the Dallas Cowboys. Although I personally dislike both teams, I feel that those two teams are arguably the most complete in the league right now. Luckily for the NFL, these two teams are arguably the most popular in the league today. In a Super Bowl that will become the most-watched television event in U.S. history, the Patriots will pick up yet another ring, cementing Tom Brady’s status as the greatest of all time.

Molnar: Playing in the Super Bowl this year will be the NFC Champion Green Bay Packers and the AFC Champion Oakland Raiders. Green Bay barn rushes their way through the playoff this year thanks to their explosive offense and some more Hail-Rodgers moments. Oakland, on the other hand, finds redemption as Derek Carr bounces back and leads the Raiders to an emotional Super Bowl appearance. In the end, though, Aaron Rodgers proves to be a man on a mission and leads the Packers to a Super Bowl win in the stadium that houses their NFC rival Vikings.

Hatten: I guess I should have put this under biggest surprise, but the Minnesota Vikings will play the Patriots at home (for the first time by any team). Bradford is an average quarterback who is capable of going “Flacco,” they have an elite defense to carry him during his valleys, and Dalvin Cook will be the offensive rookie of the year (even if he loses the award to someone *cough* Fournette *cough* with more hype). Cook was able to make Florida State’s horrendous offensive line look average, and he’ll do the same in Minnesota. The defense and running game lead the Vikings to their first Super Bowl win and Minneapolis will be razed to the ground.

Schyvinck: It is hard to pick against the Patriots but I’ll be a little different. The Steelers will face off against the Giants. Pittsburgh has the offense to play with the Patriots, but they need home field advantage. Let’s say they do it, and their young defenders improve enough to win a tight one. The Giants improved on offense, adding Brandon Marshall and Evan Engram. Their front will still be dominant, and they have an excellent secondary. The Giants end up victorious in this battle, as defense wins championships.

Rawls: The New York Giants and New England Patriots will meet in Super Bowl LII, a Giants victory. It will be No. 10’s third Super Bowl, placing an exclamation point on a Hall of Fame career, and put another blemish on the Evil Empire’s record.

English: Super Bowl LII: New England Patriots vs. Green Bay Packers. The epic matchup between Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers. The record between these two future hall of fame quarterbacks is 1-1. After this game, Tom Brady will have the edge at 2-1. The Patriots are the juggernauts of the NFL, no team in the AFC can stop them (except maybe the Steelers). If the Packers can stay healthy, they will have a huge chance at making the Super Bowl. Aaron Rodgers is still going strong, and now with new tight end Martellus Bennett, there will be no way to stop Aaron Rodgers in the NFC. In the Super Bowl though, Tom Brady and the Patriots will edge out the Packers. Super Bowl XXXI between the Packers and Patriots featured Drew Bledsoe vs Brett Favre. This Super Bowl will be even more epic with Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady.

Glendon: Every year since 1997, I’ve wanted to see the Packers-Patriots in the Super Bowl once more. Who wouldn’t? We would get to see Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers square off on the biggest stage. However, for the 20th year in-a-row, it will not be. In Minnesota, we will see the Patriots successfully defend their title against… the New York Giants.

Ur: The New England Patriots will meet the Green Bay Packers in Super Bowl LII. New England’s defense will lead them to their second consecutive Super Bowl. Tom Brady will also win his sixth title.

Backlas: I am sticking with my original pick from the NFC, Detroit. They will face off against the best Raiders team we have seen in a long time. Don’t worry New Englanders you will at least make it to the AFC championship game, but Derek Carr and the return of Marshawn Lynch will face off with Detroit next February. Ultimately Oakland will get one last ring before moving on to Las Vegas.

Erickson: Patriots versus the Packers. A rematch of the 1998 Super Bowl. The face-off between the two greatest players to wear the number twelve. Who wins? Patriots of course.

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