#coming back to edit this to finish my actual thought Biggest reason i am scared of him getting his name is the big pain in the ass it’ll be

[dirtbra1n]

okay I know I keep begging for prev prez’s name but I am so scared to know what his name is. sometjing fundamental is going to change the day we learn his name

[sinshckled]

━━ ╴-   AGUST D,  D-2   [ 2020 ]                                     ⤷  LYRICAL STARTERS. 

collection of various sentence starters from AGUST D’s second mixtape. -  translations were taken from doolsetbangtan, w/ occasional help from genius ; -  minor edits were made as to accomodate roleplay needs ; -  feel free to change pronouns or wording as to best fit your muse !

cw:   angst, depression, mentions of violence, alcohol, lots and lots of SWEARING !

━━━━━━━

TRACK ONE. — 저 달 ( Moonlight )

❝ Fuck, I’m just doing it. ❞

❝ In my head, the reality fights with the ideal tirelessly. ❞

❝ My biggest enemy is the anger inside me. ❞

❝ Sometimes I resent god, asking why he made me live a life like this. ❞

❝ Sometimes I ask myself again, ‘if it was possible to go back, would you ?’ Well, I’ll have to think more about that. ❞

❝ One moment I feel like I’ve easily earned what I have, and the next moment I’m compensated for the fucking hard work I’ve done. ❞

❝ But I’m still hungry, would this be karma ? ❞

❝ That moonlight that shines on me at dawn, it’s still the same as then. A lot changed in my life, but that moonlight is still the same. ❞

❝ Sometimes I feel like I’m a genius. Sometimes I feel like I have no talent. ❞

❝ There would be no eternity for anything. ❞

❝ Being called immortal is fucking overwhelming. ❞

❝ But the adjectives they attach to my name feel too much sometimes. ❞

❝ What can I do, I should just keep running. ❞

❝ What can I do, I should just keep hold of things that I’m grasping. ❞

❝ What can I do, I should just pay back what I’ve received. ❞

❝ If you think you’re gonna crash, accelerate even harder, you idiot ! ❞

    TRACK TWO. — 대취타 ( Daechwita )

❝ Don’t forget the old days. ❞

❝ Born a slave, risen to a king. ❞

❝ Rags to riches, that’s exactly the way I live. ❞

❝ I’m sorry, but don’t worry about me ; I have lots to lose. ❞

❝ I'm about to dine on what I know is mine. ❞

❝ Not gonna lie, what a shitshow. ❞

❝ I’ve got no pretensions, just kill ’em all.  ❞

❝ No exceptions, I watch you fall. ❞

❝ Who’s the king ? Who’s the boss ? ❞

❝ Everyone knows my name. ❞

❝ All shit-talk, they’ve got no game. ❞

❝ Off with their heads, ah ! ❞

❝ This country's too small to hold me in yet. ❞

❝ Who said time is money ? My time is worth more than that. ❞

❝ I'm so thankful that I'm a genius.  ❞

❝ If that’s your reason for using drugs, cry me a river — you’ve just got no skills. ❞

❝ I got everything I wanted, I wonder what else I should have to feel satisfied. ❞

❝ Yeah, what's next ? ❞

❝ Here comes my reality check. ❞

❝ I only looked up ; now I want to look down and put my feet on the ground. ❞

❝ Remember my name. ❞   

━━━  MORE UNDER THE CUT !

   TRACK THREE. — 어떻게 생각해? ( What do you think? )

❝ What do you think ? ❞

❝ Whatever you think, I’m sorry but I don’t fucking care at all. ❞

❝ I’m sorry but I don’t care at all about how mediocre your life is, or about the fact that you can’t escape the shithole after failing. ❞

❝ Thinking that my success has anything to do with your failure… you’re fucking great at being delusional. ❞

❝ Your sense of humor is so so. ❞

❝ The fact that you're fucked is your fault, no-no? ❞

❝ We conquer it all, one by one, like we’ve been doing all this time. ❞

❝ All of you go fuck yourself, huh ! ❞

❝ The brats that boast about their money, you have to wonder how much they could've actually earnt on their own. ❞

❝ Bragging about money looks cute now. ❞

❝ We’ll go serve in the military when the time comes. ❞

❝ I hope all those bastards who tried to get a free ride by selling our names shut their mouths up. ❞

❝ At this point, I don’t have to know. ❞

❝ I don’t fucking care. ❞

❝ While this will be my last gift, this as well is luxury for you. ❞

    TRACK FOUR. — 이상하지 않은가 ( Strange ) ft. RM 

❝ Everything in dust, do you see ? ❞

❝ Well well well…❞

❝ Everything in lust. ❞

❝ Someone please tell me if life is pain. ❞

❝ If there’s a god, please tell me if life is happiness. ❞

❝ A big system that’s called the world ; They insert conflicts, wars, or survivals. ❞

❝ Capital injects morphine called hope with dream as collateral. ❞

❝ Wealth creates wealth and tests our greed. ❞

❝ In the world, it’s only the two, black and white, that exist. ❞

❝ In the endless zero-sum game, the end is entertaining to watch. ❞

❝ Polarization... the ugliest flower in the world. ❞

❝ It’s been a long while since truth got eaten away by lies. ❞

❝ Who would it be that benefits the most? Who would it be that gets harmed the most ? ❞

❝ The one who isn’t sick in the world that is sick gets treated as a mutant, isn’t it strange ? ❞

❝ The one who has his eyes open in the world that has its eyes closed — now they make him out to be blind, isn’t it strange ? ❞

❝ The one who wants peace, the one who wants a fight — each taking each end of the ideology, isn’t it strange ? ❞

❝ There’s no correct answer, isn’t it strange ? ❞

❝ You think you’ve got taste? Oh, baby, how do you know? ❞

❝ For god’s sake, everything's under control ! ❞

❝ However much money one has, everyone is a slave of this system. ❞

❝ At this point, even you wouldn’t know. ❞

❝ Oh baby, what’s your name? ❞

❝ But still, life goes on, somehow, just like this. ❞

❝ Everyone, in their own chicken coop, says they’re okay. ❞

❝ In the world where a dream has become an option… there’s no correct answer, that’s the answer. ❞

   TRACK FIVE. — 점점 어른이 되나봐 ( 28 ), ft. NiiHWA

❝ And yet, would it have been better to not know the world? ❞

❝ Perhaps I’m gradually becoming an adult. ❞

❝ I can’t remember what were the things that I hoped for. ❞

❝ Now I’m scared. ❞

❝ Where did the fragments of my dream go ? ❞

❝ Though I’m breathing, it feels like my heart has broken down. ❞

❝ Yeah, to talk about now, it’s about becoming an adult who finds it only overwhelming to grasp onto a dream. ❞

❝ I thought I’d change when I turned twenty ; I thought I’d change when I graduated. ❞

❝ Sometimes, tears suddenly pour down with no reason. ❞

❝ Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter anymore. ❞

❝ Living, for just one day, without any concerns... for just one day, without any worries. ❞

    TRACK SIX. — Burn it, ft. MAX

❝ I see the ashes falling out your window. ❞

❝ There’s someone in the mirror that you don’t know. ❞

❝ And everything was all wrong ; so burn it till it’s all gone. ❞

❝ Let’s go back to the past days, to the times that destroyed me. ❞

❝ After having a taste of success, how am I different from the me of back then ? ❞

❝ Let the old me burn. ❞

❝ I wonder what would remain in the end ? ❞

❝ The weakness, hatred, loathing, and even rage — Them, too, are rather futile. ❞

❝ Be careful of the word ‘beginner’s mindset’, don’t be afraid. ❞

❝ Whether it would become a blazing sun or the ashes left behind after being burnt — always, the choice and decision is yours to make. ❞

❝ I hope you don’t forget that giving up decisively also counts as courage. ❞

    TRACK SEVEN. — 사람 (People)

❝ What kind of person am I ? ❞

❝ Am I a good person ? Or a bad person ? ❞

❝ I’m just a person, too. ❞

❝ Everyone would fade away and be forgotten. ❞

❝ People change — like I have. ❞

❝ There’s nothing that lasts forever. ❞

❝ Everything is just a happening passing through.❞

❝ Mm… why so serious ? ❞

❝ If you get hurt, what about it ? ❞

❝ Flow along the way the water flows ; maybe there’s something at the end. ❞

❝ A special life, an ordinary life, each of them on their own. ❞

❝ It’s all good, it’s all good. ❞

❝ Things don’t always go as intended ; Discomfort is something everyone has to withstand. ❞

❝ The repetition of dramatic situations sometimes makes life tiring. ❞

❝ People are like that. ❞

❝ When it’s not there, you wish it was ; when it’s there, you wish it wasn’t. ❞

❝ Who said that humans are the animals of wisdom ? To my eyes, it’s obvious that they are animals of regret. ❞

    TRACK EIGHT. — 혼술 ( Honsool )

❝ It’s time that I fully face myself. ❞

❝ After finishing a shower, I detoxify myself with alcohol. ❞

❝ Perhaps it’s the alcohol that puts a period at the end of the day that is blurry in my memory. ❞

❝ I’ll just worry about tomorrow’s work tomorrow, fuck I don’t care. ❞

❝ I don’t really reach for snacks because I feel like I’d throw up if I did. ❞

❝ Since it’s getting to my head, let’s be honest about my life. ❞

❝ Oh yeah, money, fame, wealth, trophies and stadiums — sometimes I’d get scared of them. ❞

❝ I thought I’d party every day when I become a superstar, but the ideal is slapping the reality in the back of its head. ❞

❝ Well, it doesn’t matter anyway ; Tomorrow will come and go again. ❞

❝ I, who’s like this, and you, who’s like that… we just endure through the day, I guess. ❞

    TRACK NINE. — Interlude : Set me free

❝ Set me free, knowing that it won’t go the way I want. ❞

❝ Set me free, knowing that it’s not what I want. ❞

❝ Set me free, I’m floating freely in the void. ❞

❝ Set me free, these days, I feel melancholy for no obvious reason. ❞

❝ One day, I crawl on the floor ; On another day, I fly high in the sky. ❞

    TRACK TEN. — 어땠을까 ( Dear my friend ), ft. JW of NELL

❝ Still, as ever, I miss you, and I miss you. ❞

❝ Still, as ever, the memories of us together circle around me. ❞

❝ Maybe, if I had held you back then… no, if I had stopped you back then… ❞

❝ Would we have remained friends ? What would have it been like ? ❞

❝ Dear my friend, how are you doing ? ❞

❝ I, well, am doing well, as you probably know, yeah. ❞

❝ Dear my friend, I’ll be honest. I still fucking hate you. ❞

❝ I still remember the old days, when we were together. ❞

❝ “With the two of us, even the world is nothing to be afraid of” ; We used to say that, and now we walk on completely different paths, damn. ❞

❝ We, who had big dreams, were young, we were only twenty. ❞

❝ Would it be that you’ve changed, or was it me ? ❞

❝ I hate this flowing time, I guess it’s us who’ ve changed. ❞

❝ Hey, I hate you. Hey, I don't like you — Hey, even as I say these words, I miss you. ❞

❝ When I saw you for the first time in a while, you had become a completely different person. ❞

❝ There was no way to bring you back, and you became a monster.❞

❝ The you I used to know is gone, and the me you used to know is gone. ❞

❝ I know that it’s not just because of time that we’ve changed. ❞

[ryanberga]

tbh i’d love to see ur paragraphs abt ryan & i’m sure other people would too,,,,,,post it?👀

ok *deep breath*

we all always joke about ryan being this dumb himbo jock archetype to shane’s academically-inclined strange man archetype which is funny as hell those jokes are funny and all in good fun but!! let’s not forget that ryan is actually not dumb at all!

let’s talk about ryan & shane’s dynamic and the whole boogara vs. shaniac thing. there’s a decent amount of people who see ryan saying “i believe in ghosts & demons & the supernatural & funny little conspiracy theories,” and then they see shane saying “all that is bullshit, i’m a skeptic & i believe in science,” and they jump to the conclusion that therefore, shane is smart and ryan is dumb, or shane is smarter than ryan, and that’s simply not true!! ryan’s belief system is inherently different from shane’s, but that does not mean he is stupid for it! shane is very outwardly and vocally interested in things like history and science, and i think that’s another reason people tend to fall into the belief that shane is smart and ryan is dumb, but, again: simply not true! just because ryan isn’t as interested in typical academic pursuits doesn’t mean he’s dumb, and i think it’s actually a very problematic mindset to equate someone’s intelligence with like the core subjects you learn in school.

ok, now let’s talk about bfu. let’s talk about how bfu was entirely ryan’s brain baby and how groundbreaking the format of it was. let’s talk about how no other supernatural or true crime shows presented its information the way that bfu does. let’s talk about how when bfu started, ryan did 100% of the work for it. he did the research, the writing, the editing, etc etc all on his own. let’s talk about how much work he put into it and how passionate he was about it. let’s talk about how the format is so smartly done & unique & original. let’s also talk about how no matter how much evidence shane presents that directly contrasts ryan’s theories, ryan stays true to himself and believes in what he believes in and refuses to be swayed. let’s talk about how even when shane blatantly dismisses ryan’s beliefs or insults him or teases him for his beliefs, ryan doesn’t budge. i also think it’s so impressive that ryan remains genuinely curious about these things and continues to believe in these things even when someone (who he cares about & respects!) is consistently telling him his beliefs are bullshit.

ok, now let’s talk about watcher. i’m not going to talk about how much courage it must have taken to leave buzzfeed to create a completely original company because that goes without saying, and it’s been talked about enough before. instead, i’m going to talk about spooky small talk specifically for a second. the fact that both steven and shane have said that spooky small talk is the biggest undertaking that any of them pursued for any of their shows is! pretty impressive! the amount of work that had to have gone into that show is really mindblowing to think about, to have to deal with the scare actors and all the noises and getting through the maze while asking questions and staying engaged with the interviewee. it’s a lot to deal with, and ryan does it fantastically, and he makes it look so effortless, as if it was the easiest thing in the world to create.

and then there’s here’s what you do, which i think is a good example of ryan showing that he’s very smart when it comes to emotions and self-care. very often in hwyd, he talks about emotions and self-care in ways that surprise me with how succinctly he’s able to put sort of complex thoughts into words. personally, i also think he gives some of the best and most thoughtful answers (when they’re actually giving serious answers and not talking about piss & shit, that is).

and just a couple more things about ryan i want to point out before i finish this off: no matter what ryan does, in everything he pursues, he seems to me to remain completely genuine to who he was at the start of this all, way back when he was still making videos with brent. he never changes his belief system, no matter what shane or anyone else says to him. he remains compassionate and unashamedly himself in all his pursuits. everything he does is imbued with so much fun. he wants to have fun, and he wants his audience to have fun along with him, and i think it‘s very evident that this is the case.

also, if you listen to ryan speak, like, in watcher weeklys or hwyd or whatever? it seems to me like he says everything with intention, and it seems like most things he says are pretty well thought out (again, when he’s not being purposefully silly). also! he has a great vocabulary! as an english major myself, i am often surprised by some of the words he throws out very casually in conversation!

and one last point, bringing it back to my first paragraph: just because he’s not as into things like history and science, he is still very well-versed in a lot of other things that speak to an inherent intelligence. first of all, it’s been established that he knows tons about true crime and conspiracies and supernatural stuff. he’s also very well-versed in pop culture, and more than just movies & tv shows! he’s spoken lots about books, and music, and podcasts, and video games! (and also don’t forget that he’s mentioned multiple times how he maintained i believe a 3.9 gpa throughout all of high school & college while also involving himself in sports & extracurriculars & a fraternity! gpa is bullshit, but that’s still pretty impressive if you ask me!) 

(edit: also!! the fact that both shane and steven said ryan was the one who was the most prepared in terms of banging out content should something like a pandemic occur before covid was even a thing!! let’s not sleep on that fact, wow!)

((edit pt. 2: also! my total bad for not appreciating his sense of humor! he’s such a funny guy! and so quick-witted! i think his sense of humor on its own is enough to demonstrate how very obviously Not Dumb he is!))

tl;dr: does ryan lean into the dumb jock archetype? sometimes, yes, i think he does. i think he thinks it’s funny to play dumb (and it is!). but is ryan actually dumb? no fuckin way! ryan is smart & talented & very hard-working & passionate & just an all-around great guy. put some respect on his name

[gothgovernment]

In Bed With Geo (Louis Tomlinson One Shot)

December 2015

"Hi friends and welcome back to in bed with Geo. As you can see, today I'm in bed by myself. This video has been a long time coming, which makes filming it right now absolutely terrifying..." I trail off with a nervous laugh. "Because I was so nervous, I spent three hours getting ready just to avoid this for as long as possible." I smile into the camera before taking a moment to collect my thoughts.

"As I'm sure you've all heard, One Direction announced their hiatus today. I've known this was coming for a few weeks now and it breaks my heart to see this all come to an end. These guys are the reason I have a career. These guys are some of my best friends. These guys are the reason I'm still here. And I am so proud of them for doing what's right and taking a break now before they all burn out..." I start to tear up. Fuck this video is going to be a rough one to edit.

"So, this is my story of how One Direction, and one member in particular, impacted my life in the best way possible."

September 2011

"Welcome Mr Tanaka," the petite lady at the door said as she let my father and I into the party. It was packed with important looking people wearing their nicest suits and dresses. One Direction signs littered the walls as everyone celebrated the release of the boy bands first single 'What Makes You Beautiful'. My dad is a musician with Syco. He helped write and record the guitar for One Directions upcoming debut album. I've always admired his work and I am so proud of him for helping aspiring musicians to realize their dreams.

Dad turned to me and smiled while throwing his tattooed arm around me, "you look so beautiful tonight, honey." He always knew how to ease my nerves. I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear as I responded with a soft thanks. "I've got to go congratulate the boys, want to come meet them?"

"Of course! I've only been asking you to introduce me since your first session with them," I giggled as Dad stuck his tongue out at me. I quickly grabbed a glass of champagne from a tray a waitress was carrying before following dad in the direction of 5 young lads. As we approached them, beautiful blue eyes locked with mine. I smiled politely at the handsome boy as Dad and I came to a stop in front of the group. He returned the smile and stuck his hand out for me to shake.

"Ahh so you're Geo. Izuki here has not shut up about you! I'm Louis," he said cheekily, giving my dad a playful nudge on the shoulder after our hands parted.

"Oh really? What has he said about me? All good things I assume," I bite back a smile as I see Dad rolling his eyes at us. Dad has told me a lot about the boys, but especially Louis. He seems to think we are destined to be friends.

"Alright, give it a rest," my Dad huffed with a smirk, "Boys!" My dad called to grab the attention of the remaining four band members. "This is my daughter Geo. Geo, this is Zayn, Harry, Liam and Niall." They all took turns shaking my hand with Harry even giving me a hug. "Right well, I'm leaving Geo with you while I go and talk business." Dad quickly turned and walked away, leaving me with these strangers. I watched Dad walk away before slowly turning back to the boys, immediately locking eyes with Louis again.

I spent the next 3 hours being dragged around the party by Louis, being introduced to countless important people. Something about this boys carefree and almost childish nature made me feel instantly attached to him. He is just so unapologetically himself all the time, it's almost contagious.

We had just finished raiding the food table when Louis asked me, "so, Geo... what are your plans for the future? Izuki has mentioned you're an incredible drummer." I should have known my Dad would talk about my drumming. It is, after all, his greatest achievement in me. Instilling me with a passion for music is the reason we are so close to each other. After my mother suddenly passed away, connecting through music has gotten us through our grief.

"Well right now my dream is to work as a drum tech but I also have an idea for a YouTube channel where I interview musicians, in my bed, pyjamas on, and ask them real questions. I want to talk to people about how their lives have influenced their music. How being in the industry impacts them. I want to know about their families, their hopes and dreams. I want to talk to artists like real people. Get to know why they are in this industry and if it's worth it. If the pros outweigh the cons... But that's just a fantasy. I would have no idea where to even start. I mean, the only musicians I really know are my dad and now you." I fiddle with the ring on my middle finger, realizing I just gave a much longer than necessary answer. Louis' silence causes me to look away from my ring and toward him. He is looking at me, mouth agape. His face suddenly splits into a smile which instantly helps to ease my slowly growing anxiety.

"You're a very interesting girl, Geo. Very interesting indeed..." He trails off as he quickly pulls out his phone, texting someone rapidly.

~

It's now close to midnight and Dad has decided to call it a night. As I bid farewell to the boys in the form of hugs, I reach Louis last.

"So..." I made eye contact with the Doncaster boy. "is there any chance I could grab your number? Ya know, in case you ever feel like making that dream a reality?" The cheeky glint in his eye makes me nervous.

"What? You want to come on my imaginary show?" Surely he was just being polite. No way would he actually want to waste his time on an interview that would maybe get 6 views.

"I text the lads about it earlier and we're all on board. It sounds like a brilliant idea. I fully believe in you, love." Okay wow, this feels like a dream. THE X Factor boy band One Direction want to be interviewed by me?

"If you're trying to make me swoon, you've achieved your goal," I giggle, pulling my phone out of my purse and handing it to him. When he returns my phone I see that he had text himself 'sup u sexy fuck'. I burst out laughing before giving him a long hug, whispering a goodbye in his ear.

December 2015

"I met One Direction in 2011 at the single launch for 'What Makes You Beautiful'. My dad was the guitarist for all of the recording and writing of Up All Night. All the boys instantly accepted me into their lives. Especially my now best friend Louis Tomlinson. After talking to Lou about wanting to start this channel, he immediately encouraged me and we set up the first ever 'In Bed With... One Direction'. That video gained 400,000 views within six months and affectively created my career. My whole life as I know it is owed to Lou. If it wasn't for his complete and utter faith in me, I don't think I would be here today." I start to cry, reminiscing on beautiful memories. I take a sip of my tea and think for a moment. I really wish L was here right now, but I know we would both be blubbering messes. I need to do this alone. For once, I need to do something without relying on him.

"Since my first interview with One Direction my channel has blown up. It has afforded me this house, my friends, the opportunity to meet some of my biggest idols and most importantly it has moulded me into the strong and powerful woman I am today. So I want to take this opportunity to thank you boys. Louis, Harry, Zayn, Niall and Liam. I love each of you more than I can put into words."

My phone buzzes beside me and I pick it up. 'Big Louser' sent me a text.

baby g, you okay? youve

not text me in a week :(

I sighed as I put the phone back down. I should have known he'd pick up on me semi-ghosting him. I have been so nervous around him ever since he and Eleanor split up about 9 months ago. It's like, I finally have my chance to tell him how I feel but I am so scared of losing the best part of my life. That's why, when he called me about a month ago to say the band had finally come to the conclusion of going on an extended break, I knew I had to make this video. So that the world can know and remember how important Louis and the rest of the lads are. And so that Lou can finally know how I feel. I pick my phone back up, knowing I should reply.

I'm sorry L. I promise

I'll make it up to you.

I'm filming a new video

right now that will be up

later tonight. I'll send

you the link when it's up!

Love you x

I turn my phone onto do not disturb and return my focus to the camera. "I want to talk a little bit about each of the boys from a friends perspective. Firstly, I would like to talk about Zayn. Z, you are one of the gentlest, kindest people I have ever met. You have dealt with so much during and after your time with the band. The constant racist and Islamophobic tweets and comments really wore you down a lot more than you'd let on. But Z, you would always rise above them, knowing that your culture made you into the incredible person you are today." I pause, hesitant about what I am going to say next. I would hate to overstep any boundaries here.

Choosing my words carefully, I continue. "Leaving the band must have been the toughest decision anyone could make. I remember you texting me about two months after you left to ask if I thought you'd made the right choice leaving behind your friends, your brothers. Your concern wasn't about if this would affect your future career, it was if it affected your friends. That's the epitome of the Zayn I love." I knew I would edit in a few videos I have of Z and I over the years throughout this mini speech.

I have a video of Zayn and I napping together on the couch in the green room before their show in Sydney in February of this year. He'd been really anxious about the first show of the tour and the nerves wore him out. We were originally sat together, talking about how huge this tour was going to be when he drifted off to sleep with me in his arms. I soon followed after and we napped for two hours before he was woken up to get his hair done. Who would have known that just a few weeks later he would crumble under the pressure and quit. I wish I noticed the warning signs.

"Liam 'good game' Payne, where do I begin? You are my brother, my teammate, my friend. You have always been my favourite person to play Fifa with. I remember a week after my Dad died, I heard the doorbell ring and when I opened it, you were standing there with a dozen of my favourite red velvet cupcakes and your PS4 controller. We played together in silence for hours. Once I was finally ready to talk, you stayed awake with me until 6am, sharing stories about my Dad, our lives and talking about our futures. I will always cherish you, no matter how frustrating you can be." Again, I know exactly what videos to edit in of Liam and I. One of them is him, wearing a crop top and skirt voguing after I did a full glam makeup look on him. He's going to hate me for posting it.

"Haz. My love. My guiding star. I would be a complete disaster without you. Although you are the worlds worst replier and you never answer when I call, you always seem to text me or show up at my house right when I feel like I'm falling apart. It's like the universe has linked you to me. You're my crisis line, and I am yours. I cannot even begin to count all the nights we have lied on the couch together just crying. Happy crying, sad crying, angry crying... It would almost have to be as many nights that we have spent laughing together. H, you were destined to be a rockstar. I can't think of any other job you could be more suited to. I know this is just the beginning for you, and I honestly can't wait to see you grow." I still cannot believe that my baby H is only 21 yet has achieved more than most people do in their entire lifetime. "I love you almost as much as I love apple pie." I am full on crying now. That last sentence really broke me. He and I have an inside joke that nothing in this world is better than a homemade apple pie. We would often text each other about incredible/rare/unique moments and rate them on an apple pie scale.

"Horan. I don't really have much I can say here because 90% of our conversations are inside jokes but I will say this; you have changed my life in such a unique way. I know we've had our differences, but I wouldn't change any of it. You're the one person who can make me laugh no matter what mood I'm in. You are such a light to this world. Without you in this band, I think the boys would've collapsed under the pressure a long time ago. Without you, this industry would've swallowed up every bit of joy they have. You have kept all of us sane with your stupid, loud laughter and irritatingly optimistic attitude. Please never, ever change for anyone you precious wanker." I know that I might seem a bit harsh towards Niall, but this is how we speak to each other. We've always been way too honest and, at times, cynical with only each other. He truly is one of a kind. Niall and I haven't shared as many moments together as I have with the other boys, but the moments we've had are definitely special.

"And last but certainly not least, Louis 'dumb fuck' Tomlinson. I don't even know if I can put into words how you have changed my life. You are my favourite person in this entire universe. Without you, there's a good chance I wouldn't be alive today. You are the reason I have so much self-worth, confidence and happiness within myself. You have single-handedly gotten me through some of my deepest depressions. I can't imagine my life without you. I've been trying to think about what story best represents how you're truly an incredible friend. I decided that although everything you do is a testament to how amazing you are, I would tell the one that made me cry the most.

"The year was 2013, I was 20 years old and I experienced my first heartbreak. My girlfriend of 2 years cheated on me with multiple people. I called you up, crying so hard I couldn't form a sentence. You sat patiently on the phone with me for an hour, never knowing what was wrong, just waiting for me to calm down. When I finally just hung up because I couldn't string two words together you text me that you love me. Six hours later and you walked into my bedroom, pulled me into your arms and laid with me for two days. You flew home early from your press tour without any idea of what was wrong with me. You just knew I was upset and you pushed everything aside to be there for me. When I finally told you what had happened, you hugged me tighter, looked me in the eyes and said, "you are the most perfect person in the world and you deserve to be with someone who recognises that." I think it was then that I realised that I'm completely and utterly in love with you. But you were with Eleanor, whom I adore still to this day. I would never have wanted to ruin what you two had. Because all I've ever wanted since I met you is for you to be happy. And El always made you happy." A sob escapes my mouth as I think of how broken hearted I have felt over the last few years, knowing that my true love would never be mine.

I decide to talk some time to cool down, so I walk to my kitchen to make another cup of tea. While I wait for the jug to boil, I rub my finger over my tiny teacup tattoo. Lou and I got matching tattoos not long after the boys finished recording 'Little Things'. He showed me the song and I fell in love with his verse, so we went out that afternoon and got our tattoos together, his shout. I walk back into the bedroom, press record on the camera again and get comfortable.

"When you called me up crying because you and Eleanor split up, I came straight over and returned the favour. I lived at your house for a week, doing anything I could to make you happy again. And then you went back on tour, and I returned home, and I've never felt so alone. After that week of us spending every second of every day together I realised that you're my soulmate. There's no one I want to be around more than you. And I know you're going to be so mad that I'm posting this video instead of texting you back but I want the whole world to know that you are perfect."

I finished the video with a few happier stories about my time with the boys, then wrapped it up. This was going to be an emotional afternoon.

~

Pressing public on that video was strange. I almost felt numb after all the emotions I had poured out while filming and editing it. I immediately text the link to all 5 boys and went to have a shower. The video was about 20 minutes long so I expected their responses would be a little while away. What I didn't expect was to walk out of the shower and into my bedroom to see Louis sitting on the end of my bed, tears streaming down his face.

We made eye contact once he realized I had entered the room. Frozen in my spot, Louis took the initiative of standing up and walking towards me. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" His voice broke as he spoke, tears threatening to spill. I tried to form words but I was too scared of the impending rejection. "Geo. We're best friends. Why didn't you talk to me? I thought that... I..." His words trailed off as the tears streamed down his face. He looked down at his feet, he always gets embarrassed when he cries. I gently grab his right hand, causing him to make eye contact again.

"I am so, so, so sorry Lou. I didn't know what to say or how to say it. I guess I thought saying it indirectly would make this easier but it's so much harder than I ever could have imagined." I look away from his bloodshot, blue eyes and focus on my hand in his. "I'm in love with you. I think I always have been... And I'm sorry that this will make our friendship weird now. I don't expect you to ever want to talk to me again to be honest."

"How fucking dare you think that. If you think I could live without you, you're insane." Louis swiftly pulled me towards him with his free hand, kissing me with all the love he could possibly give.

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Love, Maybe? {42}

Chris Evans X Reader OFC Vixen Giovanni

Warning: Cursing, Heavy Angst

Word Count: 4.7K

Summary: After a night of drunkenness you wake up next to warm, hot as hell body, a migraine and no memory of the night before. When you come to realize that the hot body belongs to none other than Hollywood’s golden boy Chris Evans you freak out. As events unfold you become even more panicked to find out you got married in your drunken haze. What else is there to do but get it annulled, right? Before walking away, you share one more night of molten kisses and passion. Three years later you are still living with the repercussions of your brash decisions, but the surprises don’t stop there. The past has a way of coming back and have you questioning is this fate that you’ve been running from, hell could it have been love, maybe?

NOTE: **Italic texts is an inner Vixen thought. Bold Italic texts is an inner Chris thought. 

**Loosley Edited/Proofread**

Thank you guys for reading!!!! If you enjoyed this please LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG. 😊❤❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 42:  Down With The Ship

-Vixen-

Thanks to how close opening night was you were busier than ever making sure things were perfect. You checked, double-checked and even triple checked everything, décor, menu, staff, vendors, setting, everything. You left nothing untouched by your meticulous eye and obsessive-compulsive attention. This meant you ate, slept and breathed your restaurant. You were up before sunrise out after breakfast with Ella, gone all day and not back until just before midnight. It was exhausting and you missed spending time with Ella but you were grateful for the distraction.

 Before you knew it two weeks had passed since your life imploded. Two weeks since the story of the decade broke. For those two weeks, you were hounded by paparazzi almost everywhere. You were now on their radar and they were learning your moves. You had to be extra careful not to lead them back home to Ella. When Ella went anywhere it was usually with Nexus who was more than happy to play mom. She said it was great practice which made you think that things with Anthony were getting even more serious.

 For the two weeks Chris called, but you ignored every one of them. What began as four or five calls a day dwindled to two then one. You still didn’t want to hear anything he had to say. You had way too much going on and you didn’t want to add to your plate. You took a meeting with Charmaine St. John to hear all she had to say then abruptly told her you didn’t want anything from him when she eluded you could get a “nice cut.” 

She looked shocked at that. Then when you went on to say you weren’t going to proceed with taking half of everything she almost fell out of her seat. It was clear she was used to dealing with jilted Hollywood wives who felt entitled no matter what and wanted to go down fighting. That wasn’t you. You just wanted peace and quiet. She prepared the paperwork and faxed it to you. It was paperwork you still held on to.

Ella’s inquiries about Chris increased. What was once or twice a day turned into three or four or even five. The numerous facetime calls you’d orchestrated between Ella and Chris didn’t even seem to have mattered. Every time Nex told you it broke you. This was the reason you were apprehensive to involve him in the first place; this was why you worked as hard as you did to keep everything strictly platonic and complication free. For all the work you attempted you’d ended up right where you didn’t want to be.

You heard the bell chime from your phone and checked it to find an email from Kassius. He’d sent the contract proposal from Food Network a few days ago for you to review and go over with your lawyer. When you did it was revealed that they were being very generous, more generous than you suspected they had been to other no-name chefs. 

According to Charmaine, they were offering an eighteen months contract for production of a cooking show with a twist that was creatively left up to you. Within the eighteen-month period, there were to be four episodes filmed a month, with smaller recordings they hoped to push for YouTube, and an extension review to be done at the end of the contract period. When it came down to money you were shocked by how many figures you saw. Charmaine told you it was very generous, but you should definitely leap on it.

 You were apprehensive because it was rare for them to offer this kind of money to some no-name chef. You suspected and worried that they were showing the “kindness” of their hearts because of everything that was going on and your newly ousted status as Chris Evans’ wife and baby mama. You suspected they wanted to capitalize on it, either way, it was a win/win for them.

 “What’s got you so far away?” Your mother approached and sat across from you. You sighed and shook your head.

 “Remember that deal with Food Network?”

 “Yes, we are all still incredibly proud of you, honey. My god, all your years of work, sleepless nights. I know it has been hard, harder than you let on and I am over the moon for your successes.” You felt the prick of tears. You knew she loved you, you knew she always had your best interest at heart, but this was so nice to hear her praise you rather than berate you for not having a boyfriend let alone a husband.

 “Thanks, mom.” Her smile was warm, as was her hand that rested atop yours.

 “The contract they sent over is—impressive. There is trying to woo someone to join you and then there is going all out. This is all out,” you explained.

 “That’s good, right? So, what’s wrong?”

 “I feel like it’s because I’m now linked to him. I feel like they’re willing to offer these things, this amount of money not because I’m me but because I’m close to him.”

 “I’m going to stop you right there Vixen. You are my daughter, you are smart, talented, willful, ambitious, strong and such a force to be reckoned with. You know everything and if you don’t you fake it till you make it. You have no idea how talented you really are. I do not doubt for a second that the reason you are seeing the fruits of your tireless labor now is because of that talent, ambition and grueling desire to make an amazing life for your family and Ella.” Your tears rolled down your face of their own accord.

 “Vixen, you are a star, that is the reason why your father and I gave you that name. Vixen to the American definition is fierce, fiery-tempered, and it was true. You cried twenty times louder and longer than any of the other babies, you were stubborn, quick to anger, and that temper ooh, it was hot but were you adorable.” She smiled bright which prompted your smile. You sniffled and dried your tears but they kept flowing.

 “Vixen also means female fox. You know I believe in every culture and take pieces where I feel a connection. Guess you can call it my way of keeping in touch with my gypsy spirit, something I think you inherited more so than Nexus. This beautiful free spirit that loathes being tied down, loathes being boxed in and caged like a gilded bird. You want to be free, so you keep running for that freedom. In Japanese culture, there is a creature called Kitsune, a powerful mythical creature with an abundance of intelligence and power. Their energy is bright, hence your middle name. Your name is no coincidence honey, it was destined for you. It is your time. You are here because of you and you alone. Reap those rewards unabashedly,” she finished.

 You could hear the conviction in her voice and see the pride coming off of her. It struck you. Nodding your head, you wiped your face and allowed her words to sink it.

 “It is your time.”

 You signed the contract and faxed it back to Kassius. You were filled with a mix of excitement, happiness, and sadness. You wanted to call him and tell him the good news, tell him about this exciting new thing in your life but you couldn’t. You also wanted to feel the happiness the event deserved but again, you couldn’t, not completely.

  -Chris-

“I cannot believe you would do this! I cannot believe you’d do something so stupid. On the list of stupid things you’ve done which is quite long, this is the stupidest.”

 He sighed and rubbed his face. He was tired of being reprimanded. This was round three with them and by them, he meant all of them. He was now sitting in his office in front of one of the biggest group video calls he’d done. On the screen was his mom, his sisters their significant others, his brother and his partner. It was a full house. He’d sat here for the last forty minutes as they each took a turn telling him what an idiot he was. He listened to it from every point of view, and no matter how he cut it he still felt like a dick.

 “Okay enough! Jesus Christ, I get it I screwed this up,” he shouted.

 “Baby brother, you did more than screwed it up. Ya’ fucked it up!”

 Everyone began talking over each other and none of it sounded any different than when they’d started.

 “Fa’ the love of God!” His shout was loud, and it echoed throughout the first floor of his home. It was loud enough for them to shut their mouths and hear his accent pop through. No one spoke for several long moments.

 “Look, I know what I did was wrong. I know I messed up. I know I should have done things differently. I have gone around it time and time again, I wish I could change what I did, go back and handle it differently. I’m sorry.”

 They still didn’t speak.

 “Chris. Getting past the fact that you lied to us about marrying her and then continued to lie when you realized you were still married. We all can see you’re in love with her, I don’t know how she hasn’t seen it,” Shana stated.

 He didn’t know it was that obvious. Thinking further, he’d practically told you how he felt, he just hadn’t said the words. You had to know.

 “You have to tell her how you actually feel Chris. I get it you’re scared and everything that comes along with it. I get it. At some point though in order to get what you want you have to go after it—or her.”

 He sighed. Somehow this had turned from a berating session to a counseling session.

 “Look, I know you all mean well, but—she hates me.”

 “She doesn’t hate you ya’ idiot. She’s hurt,” Carly informed in an annoyed tone. She then shook her head. “Chris you lied to her and honestly it is just the same as the lie she told. Neither of you are in the right. I get why she lied but you, I don’t get it. You lied to her and she feels stupid, she feels as if maybe you had an agenda. Like maybe you manipulated her and anything that was between you wasn’t real that it was just some figment of the situation that you ensured with your lie,” Carly finished.

 “I had no agenda. All I wanted was a little time to show her what could be there, here between us.”

 “You should have told her and gave her the choice. You took her choice away Chris. I get that rights and choices are huge with her especially seeing how independent she has been her entire life,” his mother simplified.

 He sighed and nodded. She was right. He took your choice just as you’d taken his. Everything he’d felt in the first initial days since you’d told him about Ella you were now feeling. He didn’t think about it in that light.

 “You have to be the one to fix this,” Shanna added.

 “I don’t think I can. She said that they were better off without me.”

 Scott made a “yikes” face, as did the rest of his siblings.

 “Well, you kinda deserve that one. Have you seen what the press are doing to her? Her entire life is plastered everywhere. Not even just her, but Ella’s too. She didn’t ask for this and certainly wasn’t prepared. Her privacy is gone. This blindsided her,” Shanna’s boyfriend enlightened. It was insight from someone like you, normal, away from the eye of the press.

“Regardless if she wants you or not, or if you think she wants you or not you have to make this right. You have to stop using that as a crutch. You have to take a chance, Chris. Don’t she and Ella deserve it?”

 There was the cincher, he thought. He was so used to getting what he wanted with little effort and work. He was now face to face with what he had to do, he had to put in the right kind of work.

  -Vixen-

“Very good Ella, I’m so proud of you. You read that so well.”

 She smiled widely and clapped her hands excitedly. You ruffled her soft curls then kissed her forehead.

 “Mama, I sweepy.”

 “Okay, let’s get the little princess to bed.” You stood, lifted her and carried her to her bedroom while softly singing her favorite lullaby.

 “Smile, though your heart is aching, smile even though it’s breaking. When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by. If you smile through your fears and sorrow. Smile and maybe tomorrow, you’ll see the sun come shining through. If you just smile.”

 By the time you made it to her bedroom, she was half asleep. You tucked her in and finished the lullaby while tracing gentle patterns on her scalp. It always did the trick and within a few minutes she was out like a light. You sat there for a few minutes more and just watched her sleep. When you felt like your tears would start you hopped in the shower and allowed it to clam your mind.

 You still had some work to do so you wrapped in your robe after your post-shower ritual and went down to your office and got lost in work. You didn’t know how long you were in there sipping wine and working but when you looked up you heard muffled voices. You stood and slowly walked down the hall. As you got closer you could make out whose voices you were hearing; your mother, Nexus and Chris.

 “I’m very sorry Mrs. Giovanni. There are no words or excuses I can give, and I am ashamed of my actions. I can assure you what I did was not an act of maliciousness or manipulation. I hope with time I can show you how sorry I am and earn your forgiveness,” he said.

 For a few seconds, there were no words, and you were sure that they’d fallen for it. How could they not? He was respectful, sounded sincere, charming and was laying it on thick as fuck. Then your mother spoke.

 “Chris, when I first met you I saw the kind of man you were through your eyes. I know you’re a good man, with good intentions. I know you love Ella and would do anything for her and Vixen. I have no doubt that this wasn’t malicious and I know you didn’t mean any harm.”

 “That doesn’t change that there was harm done, a lot of harm,” Nexus added. You slyly peeped around the corner and saw Nexus leaning on the wall with her arms crossed before her, she was the furthest from him. she was not happy. your mother, on the other hand, looked neutral.

 “You’re right I did cause harm.”

 “Chris, I know that you know what you did. I just don’t know why you did it. I don’t get it and you know what I don’t know if I want to get it. I believed in you, I was rooting for you and I kind of feel responsible for the pain my sister is in. She didn’t deserve to find any of this out through a tabloid show,” Nexus shouted with as low of a whisper as she could manage. You could tell she was angry.

 “You’re right, she didn’t deserve this, any of it. I’m sorry. I just—I want a chance to explain to her. I need to say some things to her.”

 You’d heard enough. Coming around the corner your mother was the first to see you.

 “Get out. There is nothing here for you,” you blurted out and you hoped you sounded believable.

 “Vixen, stop it,” your mother interrupted coming up to you. “The least you can do is hear him out.” Your jaw dropped.

 “The least? Excuse me?”

 “Vixen, this isn’t something that happened to you. You were at the altar with him, you married him the same way he married you. Yes, he wasn’t forthcoming about the status of that marriage, but your life isn’t about you anymore. You have a daughter, a little girl who will be affected by this. She is already affected. She asks for him. She deserves the two of you to get it together.”

 You were speechless. You had no idea she had it in her to be so bold about this. You also hated that she was right. Ella did deserve normalcy. Sighing you cross your arms and roll your eyes.

 “Fine.”

 “Are you sure?” Nexus approached you giving you an inquisitive look. You nodded assuring her you knew what you were doing although you had no idea what you were doing. “Okay. Just holler if you need me.” She gave you a quick hug and walked away with your mother trailing behind you.

 You didn’t look at him, instead, you walked away to the kitchen. You could feel him following you. Once you walked in you made a beeline for the freezer and took out the tequila bottle then filled a glass. You could feel his eyes on you, he didn’t speak, and you were quickly getting annoyed.

 “You better start because I didn’t fuck up.”

 “You’re right, I fucked up,” Chris admitted.

“No shit! You lied to me, Chris. For weeks. You orchestrated everything on the basis of that lie.”

 He rounded the island attempting to get closer. You evaded him and walked around to the opposite side. He stopped and raised his hands in the air. “That’s not true. Not entirely. When Sherman told me about the error and that we were still married I didn’t know what to think or do. I didn't know how to tell you. I was scared to tell you. I thought you'd insist we file and end things.”

 Pulling the glass from your lips you gulped down the liquid more quickly than you should have and felt the intensified burn. “So what! That is a stupid reason, Chris. That doesn’t matter,” you lashed out.

 “Of course it matters. I didn't want to lose you again!”

 The admission had you frozen just staring at him across the island. The words were pretty, but they were said to cover an ugly lie. You closed your eyes and refilled your glass and took another out to fill it. You then slide it across the island to him. There were almost two full minutes of silence. The two of you just sipped your drinks, well he sipped, you gulped. Then he spoke.

 “I’d spent months, years regretting how everything went down three years ago. Spent so many nights sitting up with a glass like this one just watching the ghosts of memories all around me. I spent so much time wishing I'd done things differently, wishing things had ended up differently. Then out of nowhere there you were and the minute I saw you everything I felt three years ago came back, everything I'd been trying to bury for three years came right back.”

 “None of this matters. You lied to me! You used this lie to your advantage. None of it was real. None of it was true.”

 The words stung you even more. The realization that this was reality, that everything over the last few weeks wasn’t anything real. You felt the tears and you tried so hard to keep it in.

 “That's a lie and you know it Vixen.”

 He raised his voice at that point. Realizing his tone, he took a deep breath, closed his eyes and slowly blew it out. You took another gulp.

 “This is what I know.” Another swig of tequila burned your throat before you spoke. 

“You said the worst shit to me three years ago, made me feel like a modern day   prostitute, like I was only worth what was between my legs; like that was all I was good for. That fucked me up, it fucked with me for years. Had me second guessing my worth, my value to a man, to you. So I got the hell out of there. Did I regret it? Sometimes, but for the most part no. Then I found out about Ella and I could have told you, I could have tracked you down, but I didn't. I was scared I didn't want to let you anywhere near again so you’d hurt me all over again. Part of me did want to stick it to you for what you did. I can be honest here and now. Then three years later you show up and you're charming and kind and everything you were three years ago, everything that I--then you kiss me and bring me to that lake and we--then San Francisco. You had so many chances to tell me the truth. You didn't.”

 “I should have. I tried to so many times. I tried the night you met my family, tried in the pool, tried the night in the backyard in Boston, I tried, and I did but you were asleep when I said it in San Francisco. Jesus Christ, I tried Vixen.”

 “Not hard enough. What you wanted one more romp in the hay to see if it was like old times?”

Again, Chris walked around the island to you. You backed up to the oversized fridge holding your arms out trying to keep him at bay. He ignored your hands and still approached, closing in. Walking away you were hoping to create distance between you, but he followed you.

 “What's not fair is you keeping this from me. Something that was important that mattered and I know I did the same thing so don’t pull that. 

 “I wanted time to show you how perfect we were for each other, for you to see that maybe things were the way they should have always been. God Vixen I've never felt this way about anyone before. I've never felt the things I feel for you, I never thought I could, but I do.”

 The tears were steadily approaching, your breakdown was coming. “You feel nothing it was an illusion; it was the sex.” You attempted to walk away again but Chris’ hand wrapped around your arm pulling you back to him.

 “I've been in love with you from the night I married you. I didn’t know it then; I didn’t know it until I saw you again. When I looked in your eyes and had you in front of me I knew exactly how I felt and seeing you with Ella--our daughter only made me fall more in love with you. You are such an amazing mother, such a kind person with a good heart. You are so damn ambitious and determined. I love that about you, love how genuine you are and how you have an incredible work ethic one that shows the kind of person you are. This was never about sex for me Vixen. It started with Ella, but it didn’t take long for me to realize I didn't just want her, I wanted you. I want to build a life with you and Ella, be by your side as you shatter that glass ceiling you are so damn close to shattering. I want to be your biggest fan and supporter, I want to grow with you, build something others could only dream of. I want to see you every morning, go to sleep beside you after tucking Ella in, I want family vacations, princess dress-up parties, trips to the lake, birthday parties, a family, brothers, and sisters for Ella. I--I want you Vixen. I love you.”

 Everything froze. He’d said the words. You thought you’d wanted to hear these words, thought if only he felt this way things would be so much easier. Now here they were. You thought you’d be happy or feel some sort of excitement but the only thing you felt was fear. You were filled with an abundance of fear, so much fear you couldn’t speak for several long moments. He stood there waiting for you to respond and each second that passed he looked as if he were unraveling.

 “I want to love you, Vix. Let me.” His voice was pleading, as were his eyes, it was like he was begging you. When his lips dropped to yours the only thing your body did was kiss him back with as much passion and desire that he kissed you. He pulled you closer to him and the heat from his body had you pressing against him trying to savor it. A moan escaped you then one came from him. In a matter of seconds, the kiss was quickly getting out of hand. You were getting lost in the moment despite your common sense. You were the one to pull away.

 “Until the day you wake up and want something else or don't want me anymore. The day you've finally gotten me out your system.” Your tears finally won as you expressed your deepest fear concerning him. Pressing your forehead to his chest you accepted defeat and cried allowing your fears and sorrow to seep out of every pore. You’d suppressed this cry because you feared you would never be able to stop.

 Somehow, you found your voice for words. “Chris I barely put myself back together last time. I have no idea how I did it, no idea how my heart healed I--I can't.”

 Somehow you got the words out through your tears. Somehow you were able to speak. You were scared to look at him, but you chanced it and immediately regretted it. Chris looked hurt. There was visible pain on his face and shining through his eyes. That only made you cry more. You put your forehead onto his chest again and breathed him in. When you felt his forehead on the top of your head you sobbed.  

 “Right.”

 “I swear I won’t stand in the way of you getting to be there for Ella. I promise I won’t be that woman. We will work something out that you can see her when you want. I just--.” Unable to finish you walked away toward your bag.

 “So you don’t want me?”

 “Chris--.” The question was blatant. You couldn’t lie about it. You also couldn’t say anything. The terror in you was at its peak and the truth was you were too scared.

 “You don’t feel what I feel?” You could feel him behind you. You wanted to turn to him and stare in his eyes but you knew if you did you couldn’t get through this. You were barely making it now. You reached into your purse and took out the folded papers.

 “Tell me Vixen. There is no way that you feel nothing; no way that all this time we’ve spent together, after everything we’ve done together meant nothing.”

 You try to keep a straight face, one that was arid of emotion that could give any indication just how much you were dying inside. The outward signs of that agony were your tears that continued to roll down your cheeks.

 Taking a deep breath, you pressed the papers to his chest. Debating inside yourself you kept your hand on them—on him. This was yet another time a war was being waged within you, brain, reality, freedom, safety, or heart, dreamland, complication, risk. Maybe you had a lot more of this gypsy spirit your mother spoke about, you thought.

 “I'm not strong enough, or brave enough. This won't end well.”

 After a long hesitation and endless internal debate, you pulled your hand away from his chest just as he gripped the papers. You still didn’t know if you were doing the right thing from your heart or from fear. Unable to look at him anymore you slinked past him and down the hall. You had no idea how you did it so gracefully, especially considering how shaky your legs were.

   -Chris-

 He couldn’t believe his eyes. The force of his realization of seeing this knocked the wind out of his lungs. He could hear the blood pumping in his ears, hear his heart pounding so loudly that there was no other sound that he heard. Divorce papers—signed divorce papers. He gripped the side of the island hoping to steady himself. More hurt than he’d ever felt in his life bombarded him. His hyperventilating came on quickly and impacted his other senses, his vision, his breathing, his scent, even his touch. This was his worse nightmare, the worst outcome.

 “It’s over. She doesn’t want me.”

 Acknowledging that out loud felt like ripping his heart out. It had been so long since he’d felt pain like this, it dated as far back as his childhood. Even then did not compare to now. He didn’t know how long he stood there, didn’t know if he could move, or speak for that matter. When he finally did move his limbs felt heavy as if he had fifty pounds of lead in his body. He couldn’t think but he sure felt everything. Digging in his pocket he took out his pen and pressed it to the paper on the island right next to the blank line for him. He wavered for a few moments but shook off the hesitation and signed his name on the line next to yours. Once complete he got the hell out there sparing not even a second to look back. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

***If you want to be tagged please SEND AN ASK SO IT WILL BE EASIER FOR ME TO KEEP TRACK OF. Thank you for reading!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TagList:

@airis-paris14 @thiccdaddy-mbaku @wakandas-vibranium @wakanda-inspired @theunsweetenedtruth @ashanti-notthesinger @reignsxjackson @halfrican-heat @ambthegamer @simplyyamberr  @muse-of-mbaku @sisterwifeudaku @mejustme06  @ilcb7 @leahnicole1219  @destinio1 @maliadestiny @drsunshine97 @blowmymbackout @purplehairgawdess @thehuntoyobun @wakandamama @wakandawinning @profilia @zxddy-panther @h-challa @babygirlofwakanda @misswakanda2018 @ororowrites@hutchj @myfavemarvelfanfics @lavitabella87 @afraiddreamingandloving @autumn242 @purple-apricots @skysynclair19 @hersheyskissesss-blog @blue-ishx @90sinspiredgirl @tchallaswife @tchallamakesmeh0lla @turn-thy-paige @blackchickfics @blackpantherismyish @inlovewithmakeupcomicsanimelove @naturally-bri @flawlesslybeautiful14 @qweentbh@lunaerly @theoutereffect@twilight-sapphire-lover @pupyluv247 @stark-red19 @cockyboysandsugarism@maverickabull @madbadsiren @aykanna @myaw731 @ruruly20 @mixedmelanin @brittyevans @bezzywazhere@laketaj24  @soulsparker @theresnomoregoodones @syreanne@loveandcigarillos @heyauntieeee @heybriheyyy @wakanda-bcth @uhlxis  @maliadestiny @dadinhas-heat @yaachtynoboat711 @geeksareunique @bultalongthewayside @ajspencer1892 @captiansaveasmut @imaginewhoever @terrablaze514 @starsshines-blog @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @darkandlovely94 @sithlordslut @wavyyc @naturalistamisslyn @nigarachi15 @madamslayyy @blackandfair @kreolemami @mylastnameisthe-fish @kaykay0829@chaneajoyyy @tequilajay27 @blacklotus-of-the-black-kingdom @slimmiyagi @im5ftbutmythroat66 @jaeee-http@madhatterhelsing @sunflowerpsalms @wakanda-shit-is-that @deliciousstreetkidcroissant @jecourt @vebner37 @disneysdarlingdiva @melaninmarvel @alanastormborn@dolphinpink310 @yourwonderbelle  @ohleucothea @queentearra @bitchbetterhavemydinner @fentybabyy @kaykay4454fan @priya212 @kitkit1690 @chrismarcs @beautycomesindifferentformsworld @blackpantherimagines @ovohanna24 @sweetpeachjones @kslo000 @nubian-queen18 @omgsuperstarg  @airis-paris14 @sisterwifeudaku   @mejustme06 @ilcb7 @leahnicole1219 @destinio1 @drsunshine97  @blue-ishx @inlovewithmakeupcomicsanimelove @prettyprincessushio @treeondrea  @ursapharoh05  @blackpinup22 @kaytauru @big3gocandykahn @kissingpineapples @wildaboutchrisevans   @fitfineandstayingalive @misspooh @michele-onel @gorjiss @blacklotus-of-the-black-kingdom @muva-milaje @limbo-limbo-limbo @awkwardlyabstract @blxck-brxndie  @meeky-imagines @inlovewith3 @metalarmlover @mellowjellow6 @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @thatrandomhetaliachick @missdeerstalker15 @ursapharoh05 @treeondrea @ovohanna24 @marvelheaux @romanceoftheeveryday @mufasathatniggatho @cltex84 @sweetbearcolorgarden @msincognito67 @mosagram @lunaerly @mar-ta-3 @ljstraightnochaser @lewatigress @akimi-youngblood @bekahdean87 @jasmindaughteroftheworld @cocooned-butterfly @emoniclark22 @chereedrop619 @theblulife @niggarachi15 @drsunshine97 @msincognito67 @missdeerstalker15 @wakandamama  @avenger-marvel-fan @arieljamiyla @vibranium-soul @monae-boss @queenxchallaxkillamonger@amirra88 @jaeee-http @omg-itsnadi @fonville-designs @sydneebleu @cherrystainedlipsbaby @behindthesehazeleyes27 @areubeingserved  @kelbabyblue @academic-glowup  @patzammit @yourwonderbelle @pennywisesmistress @squeackygee @noramushrooms @titty-teetee @ab-baybay @kreolemami @impossiblegiantrebelbasketball @dangerouslovefanfic @heladoom @renesmeeharelds @zaddysqueen7 @alyxkbrl @hello-therree @taylorveebee @a-dizzle777 @deidrashouseofpain @coldmuffinbanditshoe  @evemej  @chaselovinggert @ben-wyxtt @designerwriterchic @chrisgalore @jennmurawski13 @rynabarnesrogers @yunggyeezyy @kemkem101 @dearkyrainez @minton131@momobaby227 @jesseswartzwelder @briellableu @browneyes9125 @mjey12 @magdelen69 @hannahholland1811 @lo-cheu 

[marvelousstevetony]

Destined (For Happy Endings)

I’ve been working on this fic for a while, but I never really got around to finishing it. But I did now, and I just want it out, lol. I might come back to it in the future and edit or rewrite parts of it, but for now... well, this is it.

This is set the night before the Avengers go back in time to reverse Thanos’ snap. Steve and Tony have a conversation that’s been a long time coming.

5,1k, Steve/Tony + angst with a happy ending

***

Of all places, Tony was in the communal kitchen. He had been in the workshop most of evening, but then he went down for drink, needing something to calm his trembling hands. They just wouldn’t stop shaking. It’d been a while since he’d felt this nervous, this scared. Well, a few years, at least.

It was way past midnight, the rest of the team probably lying in bed, overthinking everything that was going to happen only a few hours later, just like Tony was. They all tried to keep composed, act unbothered, but everyone knew they were just trying to cover up what was hiding beneath the surface; the fact that they were all scared, terrified, of what they were gonna face.

Sure, they knew where they were going. Tony, for one, had been mentally preparing for going back to 2012 the entire day. It’d been more than a decade since whole flying through a wormhole and saving New York thing, but he still saw it every once in a while, even after everything he’d seen since then; Cap’s shield being smashed into his chest, feeling Peter’s body dissolve in his grip, being stuck in space while believing he was going to die. The point was, Tony still had nightmares about all of those things, and knowing he was gonna be face to face with the thing that had started off his anxiety made him… well, anxious.

So he’d done everything he could to make sure he’d be fine when the time came. He was just working on the finishing touches on the newly designed suits, but it would’ve been so much easier if his hands would just keep still. So yeah, a drink it was.

The kitchen was dark, quiet. Only the weak light from refrigerator Tony hadn’t bothered to fully close and the sound of his breathing gave any indication of activity. He hadn’t even taken anything from the fridge, just vainly rummaged through it before opting for a glass of whiskey. He didn’t know how long he sat there, sipping at his drink and staring out into nothing but his own hallucinative visions, but apparently long enough for someone to crash his one-person party.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping? Tomorrow’s gonna be a long day.” Tony jumped and turned to see Steve leant against the door frame, arms crossed, a tired smile playing on his lips. That was such a dad-pose, Tony thought, such a Steve-pose.

Tony rolled his eyes and sighed to himself. “Thought I’d had enough of your lectures, Cap. You’re awake too, by the way, unless you’re sleepwalking. You’re not sleepwalking, are you?” Tony said drily and Steve looked to the floor with a humorless huff of a laugh.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to- I’m not judging,” Steve mumbled apologetically, then eyed the chair next to Tony. “Mind if I join you?”

“Be my guest,” Tony muttered and made a gesture for Steve to take a seat.

Steve scrubbed his face as he sat, rubbing harshly at his eyes before settling his glance on Tony. “I see you’re still a night owl,” he commented, referring to all the times he would stumble upon him, staying awake all night, working in the lab or simply drinking coffee in the kitchen by himself.

“Some things never change, Cap.”

As soon as the words had passed his lips, Tony felt something inside him churn, because isn’t that ironic. Everything had changed — that’s why they were here. Tony didn’t know if it was comforting knowing that he, maybe, still was somewhat like he’d been before everything; the accords, Siberia, the battle against Tha-… the battle, went down, or if it was exactly the opposite of that.

Maybe it was just Steve’s presence that sent a wave of nostalgia, a longing for the past, through him, and it annoyed him deeply that Steve still had that effect on him, because Tony had changed in the last five years. He had. He was out of the city, living in a small house, he had gotten married, and, hell, he’d had a daughter. And, okay, maybe his and Pepper’s relationship wasn’t like it used to, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. It was just more like they were clinging onto each other because they had nothing else to keep them sane in a world of insanities. Maybe he didn’t feel the same way when he went to bed like before, and he knew Pepper felt the same, but that didn’t mean they loved each other less, just… differently.

But Tony was happy, for the most part, living like this. Like he’d said: I have my second chance right here.

“You alright?” Steve asked, snapping Tony back to their conversation. He must’ve fallen quiet, deep in thought.

Tony opened his mouth, but shut it just as quickly. He was just about to let out his usual reply, always, as he’d insisted so many times previously, but, for maybe the first time in his life, he took a second to actually think about his answer. God, he really had changed. He sighed and looked into the blue eyes he once had known to be so familiar. They were still just as beautiful, just as piercing, just as kind as they’d always been. But, somehow, they seemed… different. Tony wondered how long they had been like this. When Tony looked into them he saw Steve, but not the one he knew. This one was sadder, emptier, than he remembered the soldier.

Steve had always been sad, to some degree, in a way Tony couldn’t quite understand. Sometimes Tony forgot that Steve was actually just a kid when he went into the ice. All Steve had wanted was to serve his country, to be of use and no longer be a sickly child. And Steve, being the self-sacrificing and too-admirable-for-his-own-good idiot he was, had crashed the plane into the Arctic with no intention of waking up in a whole new world where everyone he knew was gone. Then he got some of it back, Bucky, and though Tony felt betrayed that Steve chose Barnes over him, he tried to understand Steve’s reasoning despite not agreeing. Tony carried the freaking flip phone everywhere, because he couldn’t let go of it, no matter how stupid he thought it was. And then Tha-… and then they lost. And Steve lost his best friend all over again, lost Sam, lost the twinkle in his eyes and maybe that’s why they’re so empty and goddamn sad.

By watching and knowing Steve, Tony somehow learned that being alone and being lonely is not the same thing. Tony thought back to the fanciest galas and biggest PR-events, to the team movie nights and training sessions, and pictures of Steve’s face flickered before his eyes. The distant glance, the creased forehead and the smile. Steve would always smile, because even when everything was shit, Steve felt the need to reassure everyone around him that it’d be fine, that he’d fix it. And Tony might not be genius when it comes to people, but he could tell a fake smile from a real one from miles away. After spending years pretending and perfecting his façade, he was practically an expert on the matter.

He could tell by the way Steve’s jaw clenched too hard, the way his lips were pressed firmly together, the way the corners of his mouth forcibly twitched, and the way that his eyes just never beamed. He could be standing the largest crowd either of them could imagine, but no matter how many people Steve was surrounded by, Tony could feel the loneliness radiating from Steve miles away, exuding it like it was his own natural scent.

But Steve never complained, never whined or whimpered, never asked for anything, and Tony hated that Steve never needed them, never needed him. He never wanted backup during mission, Tony remembered faintly. He didn’t want anyone worrying over him, not even when he nearly died out on the field. He never let anyone take care of him. He was always just fine on his own, and Tony felt like he’d been stabbed in his chest whenever Steve would shrug off the pain and act like he was happy when he clearly wasn’t.

But Tony just had to come to terms with it: Steve simply didn’t trust him. Not in the way he had wanted him to, at least. And honestly, all Tony could think about, all he wanted to do when Steve wore that characteristic melancholic frown, the line right between his eyebrows, the heartbreakingly unhappy smile, was to suck out every inch of sadness from Steve’s body.

And now more than ever, the sadness was physically visible in Steve’s expression, and Tony had never been good at dealing with emotions, not his own, not other’s. But in a few hours, all of this wouldn’t matter, and Tony didn’t have it in him to just… act like he was okay. In all honesty, he didn’t really know what he was. So that’s what he said;

“I don’t know,” Tony straightforwardly thought aloud. “I actually really don’t have an answer for that question.”

“Tony Stark at a loss for words. Wow. So I’ve successfully managed to stump you, huh? Who would’ve thought,” Steve smiled, still sadly, because that’s just how Steve was.

Tony huffed a humorous laugh. “Yeah, well, don’t get too cocky now, Rogers. It’s been a long day, my wits don’t come as easily when I haven’t had my coffee.”

“Or slept?”

Tony rolled his eyes again. “You said you weren’t judging.”

“I’m not,” Steve replied solemnly.

It was quiet for a while, a heavy silence settled over them. Steve was nervously twiddling his thumbs, biting his lip, while Tony just stared into space. It seemed like no more words were to be exchanged but then Steve spoke up.

“Are you scared, Tony?”

“About tomorrow?”

Steve nodded weakly.

“I mean, yeah. I am. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t.”

He swallowed thickly. He’d never actually admitted it, not out loud at least. But the words just slipped out through his lips like confiding in Steve was the easiest thing he’d ever done. He didn’t remember that ever happening before. It was the alcohol, he was sure.

“Are you?” He heard himself ask.

Steve inhaled deeply, holding his breath for a few seconds. “I… I don’t really know, to be honest. I think I’d be stupid not to. But I can’t let my fears of what could happen keep me from doing what’s right. Not again.”

Tony didn’t know how to respond to that — wasn’t quite sure what Steve meant by it. He just kept quiet instead.

Steve’s knitted his brows together in thought, visibly trying to decide how to continue the conversation. It took him a while, but at last he drew in a long breath and opened his mouth.

“Ever since what happened… happened, I’ve been… I’ve been trying to figure out how to move on. Grow,” Steve started, eyes low and aimed at his quivering hands. “I tried to help with the clean-up until everyone just… gave up, I guess. Nat and I tried our best to keep the team together, or what’s left of us. Tried going back to normal. But nothing every really did go back to normal, did it?  I um- I started a support group. Sam used to lead one, I don’t know if you knew that, but he did. A-and I thought that even if I couldn’t move on, maybe I could help someone else. I don’t know if it worked, but I think Sam would appreciate me trying.”

“You know he would,” Tony said before Steve could continue his ramble.

The blonde looked up, revealing his suddenly watery eyes. Tony thought he saw something that reminded him of gratitude, but he wasn’t quite sure. Their eyes only locked for a split second before Steve’s glance snapped back to his hands.

“It’s just- I don’t know what my purpose is anymore.”

“I think we all lost some of our purpose when Tha-,” Tony stopped half way through the name. He sighed. Why couldn’t he just say the goddamn name? He gritted his teeth, squeezing his hands into fists. “When Thanos won.”

It felt weirdly relieving, Tony thought, after finally saying the Titan’s name for the first time since he’d returned to Earth all those years ago. Like had he been stuck under the moon that had been thrown at him and then suddenly released. An odd lightness after getting used to the heaviness. Maybe that’s why he suddenly gathered the courage to demand a better answer from Steve than I don’t really know.

“Y’know, you always were horrible at lying, Rogers,” Tony said instinctively, but then a sudden flash of reminiscence crossed him, of hard metal slamming into his chest, and he nearly went on to retract. Steve’s expression was unreadable, but Tony knew they shared the same thought.

Tony drew in a sharp breath and continued. “What I meant was that I want a better answer, an honest answer… Are you scared?”

Steve seemed to consider this for a long time, gnawing at his bottom lip, eyebrows knit together as if he was having an inner conflict with himself. Then he huffed and shook his head weakly.

“No, I’m not. I should be, but,” he shrugged and smiled humorlessly, “I don’t really have anything left to lose, right?”

“Right,” Tony said quietly. Something about the tone of Steve’s voice was despairing in a way Tony couldn’t bear, so he drew his eyes away from the man opposite him.

Steve appeared to notice Tony’s withdrawal and he quickly spoke up.

“Tony, I- I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think-“

“What are you apologizing for?”

Steve swallowed. “Sorry, that was just an insensitive thing to say… I know that you and Pepper have so much now, I know I dragged you into this, and I-I shouldn’t say stuff like that, shouldn’t be that inconsiderable.”

“No. No, I don’t— you’re good, Cap, really,” Tony said and he felt like he meant it. “I won’t lie and say this isn’t a big risk. I have a lot on the line, but if I have the chance to save something. Someone,” he corrected as  a the voice of an awkward teenage boy played in his mind.

Mr Stark? I don’t feel so good.

He swallowed thickly and felt the hairs on his arms raise.

I don’t wanna go, I don’t wanna go, sir please-

He had to shake himself, squeeze his eyes shut, to rid himself of the haunting voice.

“I have a lot win, too,” he explained, not wanting to go into any more detail. He couldn’t. At least not if he didn’t want to have a complete meltdown in front of Steve, who seemed to take the hint.

“Okay. Thanks… But I am sorry, Tony.”

Now, Tony nearly laughed despite the tension. Steve had always been unapologetically himself and with good reason. He was usually so stubborn and headstrong it made Tony want to throw up. But right now, Steve seemed insecure, uncertain, goddamn nervous, and, sure, Tony had gotten better at self-control, but he was still Tony Stark, and he couldn’t help but comment on it.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you apologize that much. Something change within the last few years?”

Tony had meant for it to be a joke, but in hindsight he knew he sounded petty and unfair. He wanted to reverse what he said, but Steve beat him to it.

“I should’ve done it earlier. Apologize I mean,” Steve clarified.

Tony didn’t know how to respond, his mouth opening and closing a few time before settling on hanging slightly agape.

“I’m sorry, Tony. I am so sorry for all the pain I caused you. I don’t regret defending Bucky. He didn’t deserve to be locked up in a prison. But I do regret not telling you about your parents… I don’t think I’ve ever regretted anything as much as I do that. And I, um, I tried to let you know. To apologize. I sent you a letter, there was a phone as well, I don’t know if-“

“I got it,” Tony confirmed and something inside him twitched, a peculiar sensation that he couldn’t quite place anywhere else but in his chest. It was uncomfortable and fiery, and definitely not positive.

“Oh. Okay-“ Steve started, but was quickly cut off again.

“Why?” Tony asked, his voice filling with rage as pictures of the letter and the stupid flip-phone flickered through his mind. “Why didn’t you call?”

Steve frowned and yet, his features were still soft. Vulnerable. “I didn’t think you’d want me to.”

Now, Tony actually laughed. A spiteful chuckle rolled off his tongue and he could almost taste the venomous bitterness of his next words.

“I hated you-“

“I don’t blame you,” Steve concurred, his gaze dropping to the floor.

“I hated you. I hated the letter. I hated that goddamn flip-phone that, by the way, I carried with me every single fucking day, waiting for you to be the bigger person, because you alway were. You were always so good and righteous and so fucking perfect it made me sick.”

Steve bit his lip.

“I didn’t want to reach out in case you wouldn’t respond… I- I couldn’t bear the thought of you choosing to avoid me, even though you had every right to do so, so I just decided… not to. I thought I’d rather just not know in case I didn’t get the answer I wanted. And I’m sorry for that, too.”

“Back at it again with the apologies,” Tony rolled his eyes for what seemed like the twentieth time that night.

“You deserve more than a hollow apology, Tony.” Steve’s voice was way too earnest, way too sober, saying it like that. Like he would be satisfied if those were his last words. “I wish I could offer you more, wish I could show you how badly I wanted to press that call button, how much it has haunted me all these years…”

Steve trailed off and looked back up at Tony through long, thick lashes, blue crystals sparkling with pained hope. They were still so characteristically sad, Tony knew them, or at least he used to, because now there was something unfamiliar flickering in them. Maybe it was the moonlight that shone on them through the large glass panels, or the moisture that gathered at his bottom lash line that made Steve’s eyes look so vulnerable and sincere.

The remorse cascaded from Steve’s eyes. He didn’t have to say anything for Tony to picture how the nagging feeling inside Steve’s chest had been silently killing him for years. Tony could see it very clearly; how the regret would come to him in quiet moments, such as when he fruitlessly fought to fall asleep, or when he sat alone in the back of a diner, drinking cheap coffee that was bitter on his tongue, yet not bitter enough to extinguish the lingering taste of guilt.

Tony saw how the regret washed over him like slow waves on a shallow beach, how each wave was ice cold and sent shivers down his back. How he longed to turn back time and make a different choice, the right choice. How he envied the the pebbles, unbreakable and lifeless, unable to sense the stabbing agony Steve felt in his bosom.

Tony could see it all, he could feel it, and it made his breath catch in his throat. He knew.

“I know,” Tony breathed, voice barely more than whisper. “I know you’re sorry.”

Tony only realized Steve had been holding his breath when he exhaled slowly, his shoulders dropping, a small amount of the pinched expression bleeding out.

“And I’m sorry too, by the way” Tony said, voice surprisingly steady. “I, uh, I’ve got a lot of regrets as well… guess none of us are completely innocent, right?” He gave a one-shouldered shrug and tried for a wry smile.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me, Tony, I can’t ask that of you,” Steve shook his head, eyes still so serious it made Tony uncomfortable.

“I know,” Tony said. “But if tomorrow goes south I at least want to go with a clear conscience. So I’m offering an olive branch.”

Steve was quiet for a bit, and Tony was nervous he might decline, but then he smiled, sadly, but it was real.

“Thank you, Tony. I don’t deserve your forgiveness but… thank you.”

Tony swallowed thickly, then nodded. “You’re, uh, you’re welcome, Cap… it feels kinda good to do the right thing,” he said, a sigh of relief slipping past his lips.

Steve snorted a laugh, a sound Tony had missed more than he cared to admit, but the smile that began tugging at the corners of his mouth was telling enough.

A peace had settled upon the comfortable silence of the kitchen. The air no longer felt so dense and suffocating, and Tony allowed himself to actually breathe for a few seconds, risking at glance at Steve. The tightness in his chest he had felt every time he looked at Steve for the last seven years had eased. He no longer felt angry or betrayed, he didn’t have the urge to scream, to cry. He just felt… calmness.

It was almost paradoxical how he felt this relaxed just mere hours before what could be the most dangerous journey of his entire life. The calm before the storm, he thought to himself and found that he no longer feared the storm.

“I think I’ll go to bed. Catch some Z’s before tomorrow,” Tony explained as he raised from his seat. Placing a hand on Steve’s shoulder he gave it a squeeze and smiled, genuinely and warmly. “I’m glad we had this talk, Steve. If one of us— I’d hate for us to end like that.” It didn’t even feel foreign to say us anymore. It just glided past his lips like had they never parted ways.

“Goodnight, Steve,” he said and left for his quarters, but before he had even exited the kitchen, Steve called out.

“Tony, wait!”

Tony turned back around with a curious look on his face.

“I, um… I just want to say a few things before you go.”

Tony nodded curiously, urging Steve to continue.

“I, uh, didn’t really sleep. After Siberia, I mean. Not so much after the snap either, but mostly it was because of what happened at the Hydra Facility. I spent a lot of time thinking, about you… about us. I always told myself that if I got the chance I would tell you how grateful for you I am. For always being so hospitable to me, even before I moved into the Tower. For making sure I was okay and for caring about the team more than you cared about yourself.

And, uh, for all those things I said when we first met… I know the scepter was messing with us, but I want to apologize for that, too. You’re a good man, Tony, and I’m sorry I dragged you back into this mess of a life. You deserve to live your life with your family and not have to worry about another alien invasion. You deserve to be happy. If something happens tomorrow… Just know I’ll do everything in my power to keep you and your family safe, even if I won’t live to see it. Whatever it takes.”

Steve was out of breath, heart racing, the sound of its pounding ringing in his ears. His eyes were desperate but soft, and Tony was left speechless yet another time that night. And goddammit, Tony thought, how did he do that? Tony was always ready with a comeback, a witty reply. But tonight, standing in front of Steve Rogers, whose eyes were older than Tony remembered but still just as sad, just as beautiful, whose smile was small and shy and just for Tony to see, whose voice was warm and addictive and sounded like home, Tony’s mouth went dry, and he had to bite the inside of mouth to make sure Steve’s speech had left him numb.

Steve must’ve thought Tony wouldn’t react, because he just flashed a thin-lipped smile and looked down at the kitchen counter like he expected Tony to leave for good this time.

But Tony was still standing like a dear in headlights in the middle of the quiet kitchen. Had Steve just admitted that he’d die for Tony if it came down to it? Tony thought that was what he meant, and it made him uncomfortable, made him want to cry.

“Don’t say that.”

“I mean it.”

“You shouldn’t…” Tony bit his lip and shook his head. He couldn’t get himself to finish that sentence.

“Shouldn’t what?”

“You know what I mean, Steve. I don’t want you to… to sacrifice yourself for me.”

“But I’m willing to. I want to-”

“Steve,” Tony breathed sharply, like his throat was restricting.

“Please, don’t take this away from me. This is what I was meant to do.”

“You were meant for more than this, you know. You were meant to be more than a soldier. You are more than a soldier, and I hate that no one told you this,” Tony said, honestly, because it was the truth. “You were meant for— for picket fences and slow dancing in the living room, even though you’re a horrible dancer. For baking apple pies and watching your grandchildren play in your backyard. For living.”

“I was never destined for a happy ending, Tony.”

Sharp daggers speared their way into Tony’s chest. He couldn’t take it anymore; couldn’t take any more sorrow, couldn’t take another look at Steve’s despairing face.

Steve’s life had had an awful lot of endings.

If anyone asked, which they probably wouldn’t as Tony and Steve were the only people there, Tony did it out of sympathy. He did it simply because he wanted the sadness gone, or at least to pause it for a second, even if it meant getting pushed off and punched in the face. But Steve did neither. Instead, he melted into the gentle touch of Tony’s lips on his.

Tony had kissed a lot of people in his life, but none of them kissed like Steve did. Steve was hesitant but generous, tender and compelling. Their lips were a perfect match, like fate had sculptured them for this exact purpose. When they drew back, Tony’s lips felt cold from the loss of contact, instantly feeling the urge to lean in again.  

“What was that for?” Steve asked in a fragile voice, but Tony could hear the smile on his lips.

“For happy endings,” Tony murmured against Steve mouth, replying simply, like it was an obvious answer.

“Tony—”

“I never actually hated you,” Tony clarified. “I thought I did, and I really tried to, but I… I couldn’t. I was hurt… Fuck, it hurt so bad. But then I realized it’s just like they say; the ones you love hurt you the most.”

As soon as the words had left his mouth, Tony stilled. He hadn’t meant to say that, he didn’t even know he felt that, but it came so naturally, as easily as falling off a log.

“Pepper…” Steve mumbled guiltily, an unspoken question hanging precariously on his tongue.

“She knows. Somehow, she always knows. More often than not, she knows even before I do.”

“But you love her,” Steve stated without a hint of doubt.

“I do,” Tony confirmed confidently. “I always will. I love Pepper the way I love Rhodey. The same way you love Barnes.” It took him a second to decide if he should say love or loved, but ultimately he ended on the former, because love doesn’t cease to exist even when the person you love is gone. Tony had experience on that matter.

“Because she doesn’t take your bullshit; is brutally honest with you even when the truth hurts; takes care of you no matter how stupid you’ve been? Because she’ll always be there for you, and because, despite everything else, she feels like coming home? Yeah, that’s… that’s Bucky,” Steve smiled to himself, every memory of him and Bucky, the good and the bad, flashing before his eyes.

“I love her — she’s the mother of my child and the one person I know that’ll never leave me. But we were never really meant to be. We’re family, but… we both know our love is purely platonic. We want each other to be happy, even if it means being happy with someone else. Mutual agreement.”

Steve went quiet, processing what he’d just heard, as Tony trailed his index finger over Steve’s parted lips. They were pink and soft, a bit swollen and wet from the kiss, but undeniable. Irresistible.

Tony leaned in again, silently asking for consent that Steve authorized. It was deeper and longer than the first, leaving them both breathless as they pulled apart and rested their foreheads against each other’s.

“Why now?” Steve asked. “It’s too late for us.”

“If tomorrow really is the end of you and me, whatever that may be… I want you to have at least one happy ending in your life. If you want that, I mean.”

Steve laughed wetly and nodded. Their faces were so close, Tony could feel the air that passed Steve’s lips.

“If I want that,” Steve humored. “That might just be the understatement of the century… though, I think I’d prefer if it wasn’t an ending.”

Tony’s smile stretched from ear to ear, and so did Steve’s. It wasn’t that the sadness had left Steve. Tony didn’t think it ever fully would. But Steve’s smile was wide and accompanied by eyes sparkling with hope, and god was that not the most beautiful thing Tony had ever seen.

“It doesn’t have to be, Steve. Not as long we stand together tomorrow. Just like we promised we would a long time ago.”

“I broke that promise, Tony. You know I did.” Steve murmured.

Tony took both of Steve’s hands in his, intertwining their fingers. They fit together perfectly, and just like with their kiss, Tony got the feeling this was meant to be.

“And yet, somehow, we ended up here.” Tony stroked the back of Steve’s hand with his thumb. “We’re gonna get them back, Steve. All of them.”

“How can you sound so sure?”

“Because we’re together,” Tony said like had he never been more sure of anything in his entire life.

Steve sighed, but it was relieved and pleased, and against Tony’s mouth, he mumbled, “Maybe I was destined for a happy ending after all,” before closing the space between them once more.

[tenglows]

sweet aftertaste

summary: it’s late at night and student!ten and his friends are left with nowhere to go; ending up at the bar where lounge singer!reader is performing.

inspired by halsey’s song and video “finally // beautiful stranger”

if you want to see an edit based on this, click here!

“so what are we supposed to do now”

yangyang sighed and sat down on the sidewalk

being downtown at half past two am with nothing to do was definitely not in the boys’ plans.

but it was now, considering they had been kicked out of the house party for breaking an (apparently) very ancient porcelain vase

“it was totally sicheng’s fault though”

but no one really cared about who was at fault, there was no time for that.

what bothered them more was that no one wanted to go back to the dorms yet

but it wasn’t like they could just go and crash another party

they just know the people at their college

and well

the big party was that one, the one they surely didn’t dare to put a foot on again

ten kept looking around the deserted street no one was really familiar with while the others bickered in the back

he found it nice, even if it felt a little bit lonesome considering the hour and all the small houses showing no sign of corporality

there were no many shops in the block, and if they were, they were closed and dim

until ten caught sight of a small pub

a classic, old-fashioned with a wood design and a few hanging lights that were the only source of brightness in the view

he signaled his discovery to his friends and they all looked at each other for confirmation before excitedly nodding

they didn’t encounter themselves with a rousing ambience when they entered the bar. just a typical bored bartender and some grown men devouring peanuts and beer at the counter

ten’s eyes focused on a small stage, a guitar placed on the wood floor. some holes making it look like it was gonna collapse anytime soon

some of the others got themselves some beers and when they were in the middle of asking ten if he wanted something,

someone’s unknown steps made that floor crack. the slow screeches made ten’s gaze feel trapped in curiosity

it was you

a student who struggled to pay rent and had to resort to singing late at a local bar to generate any sort of income

it wasn’t always this late, though

but that day you also had to cover your coworker’s shift at your other job

and yeah, you could have just told the pub’s owner that you would just play the following night

but it wasn’t just about the money. the truth is that you loved singing. of course it wasn’t a lie that you would prefer to make more out of it,

but sometimes a heartfelt praise from a costumer was all you needed to get the energy to raise that guitar all over again

you were surprised at the sight of more people than you would have thought taking the hour and location of the place into account, but it also made a sigh of relief leave your mouth

after all, performing for an empty audience always left a bittersweet aftertaste in your stomach

you smiled at the expectating boys that looked around your same age

and one of them smiled back. you weren’t one to get nervous when performing, since you were more than very used to it

but somehow the way his face glowed when he smiled made you relax your fingers and grip, that you thought were already relaxed

you introduced yourself and started strumming the guitar

ten, meanwhile

had never seen a purer face

and each melody that left your mouth had him more lost, more captivated

he listened attentively at the lyrics you had mentioned you wrote yourself

you sang about your grandmother and the stories she'd tell you about living in germany. how her own grandfather would tell her that the freckles on her face resembled stars

you had such a way of talking about her that made ten's chest throb. in that moment, he believed that he knew her. how she seemingly always smelled like coconut and how she baked the most delicious cakes ever made. he imagined her living in germany and picking the same flowers every evening, her hair dancing with the wind even though in reality, he didn't even know which color it was.

the ballad ended with a final strum and at that point ten was convinced that the guitar was created solely with the purpose of being touched by your fingers.

of course he and the boys exploded in claps and cheering, the men he had noticed when they first entered joining them too

ten could swear he even saw johnny shedding a couple of tears

and it was understandable. you had something and ten wondered if you had the power to brush the strings of all their hearts at the same time you did so with the guitar.

ten eyed his friends and he pointed at you as he sat up from his chair

them smiling knowingly and telling him they would wait for him outside

"hey um" he started, his hands in his pockets as he went through posible ways of starting a conversation "my name is ten, and i really liked your performance"

he mentally shouted at himself for not being able to hold eye contact with you. he was not a shy person, he was actually very outgoing and had no trouble in meeting new people

it was funny, then. how for some reason you made him nervous and he oddly made you feel at ease

"thank you so much. i actually wrote that song not so long ago, my grandmother helped me"

and that's when it all started.

you talked to him a little bit more about your grandma and he told you he had a similar relationship with his aunt, sharing stories about each lovely woman

you found out he was a dance major and didn't hesitate to tell him that was admiring

he also guessed you were a music major, and commented that you were doing a great job if it was that easy to sense there was more than just natural talent in there. you apparented like you knew a lot about what inspires you

that made you feel content

and you also asked yourself how a stranger had successfully seen through you that much

but something about ten just felt right

and you weren't sure if it was your overflowing emotions, or the late hours of the night or the lack of sleep you had gotten lately

but before ten you had never seen a mouth that you would kill to kiss

after a bit more of chat, you and the beautiful stranger decided to exchange numbers since the bar was closing and ten had to go back to his friends

you had to come home to your roommates as well.

(the next day at work, your co-worker who you had covered was tripping over her words to apologize all over again. she knew that the change resulted in you performing at a later hour, and was scared that that might have been prejudicial for you.

you just hugged her with the biggest grin on your face. and thanked her. she had never seen you smile so wide)

for both of ten and you, it was good news that you kept in touch since then

you learned so much about ten in a short period of time.

he also sang (he had promised he would show you sometime. and once, as you were falling dozing off on the phone with him, he started singing a lullaby when he was convinced you were asleep. you totally weren't. and his voice was velvet through the line)

he loved to draw and he did it marvellously. he had showed you some of his artworks and you always begged for him to explain the meaning behind it. but in the majority of the cases, he himself didn't even know it

you also learned that he used way to many smiley faces when texting, that he drank iced tea as his life depended on it, and he always dreamt of the ocean.

you soon came to know that ten was the sort of person you learn new things about each day, and you never got tired of it

it was scary

you didn't have much experience feeling this things

this love things

you had had some crushes, of course. still, they were all innocent crushes who either faded into thin air or turned into short-lived flings

on top of that, you never were a scaredy-cat type of person

at least that was what you thought before ten,,

because now you had received a certain text from ten that made you drop in the trash the carrot you were peeling

"i want to see u tomorrow :("

"i have my two shifts ://" (you were never really one to use emoticons, but i guess that's one thing you inhabited from ten)

"i can go watch you perform, if you like"

"i would really like it"

so now it was friday and you found yourself almost at midnight, at the bar you knew perfectly, but now you felt as if it was a completely different and new space you had never breathed in before.

you were tapping your foot in the stage so much the floor was actually breaking down even more. you decided to stop, you couldn't afford being nervous over ten's pretty face

you tried to distract yourself fixing some last things on your guitar, when you heard someone getting up on stage with you

"woah, it feels nice seeing everything through here"

"i know right? i never get tired of audiences. i like knowing that for a few minutes everyone is aware and probably thinking about the same thing"

ten looked at you with shiny eyes. you were truly the only source of brightness in the view

you obviously had to include the grandma song when performing (ten sang along and some giggles escaped your lips).

and then proceeded to present a new song you had just finished retouching the night before

ten raised his eyebrow and he looked even more concentrated than before, probably thinking about how you hadn't mentioned any new song you were working on

the song was about him

about the wish of ten letting himself fall in your arms

and although the lyrics could be a little more straightforward, you knew ten would get it anyways

he always did.

you had finished and now the following jazz singer was filling the room with a tranquil euphony

ten asked you to dance, it was a slow song and your hands found their way to his shoulders, his hands steadily on your waist.

"the song was beautiful" and there was something in the way that he said it with a shy but cheeky tone that indicated that you were right, you knew he had realized. and you were more than glad than he did.

"you know, you can join me singing anytime. you said you liked how it felt"

"i wouldn't mind taking up that offer"

in that moment you knew

you knew that it was finally safe for you to fall.

you had sung about wanting ten to feel secure enough to let himself drown in your embrace, but what you didn't know

is that he had already fell

he had made himself at home in your arms and was waiting for you to open the door too. and now you had

so it went on

after day that, ten went to every single one of your performances

and you also went to see him whenever he had a dancing show

you praised him so much every time he looked like he had red dye all over his face

he had sung with you at the bar multiple times already,

all his friends coming to see the growth of the young romance

"you should be thanking me for breaking that stupid vase!!!!!" yeah - you really liked sicheng.

you never experienced that bittersweet aftertaste of an empty audience ever again

because now ten was always the audience,

and you were his

and that's all you needed.

he's right here now,

and you think he'll stay.

(also, ten soon became your grandma's favorite person to bake cakes for.)

[justinstolemybike]

sigh. season 3. here we are. 

i watched the first five episodes and... i felt so uncomfortable. it was bad. not all bad but... pretty bad. so bad, that it wasn’t enjoyable for me and i didn’t care to watch it all the way through, so i read other spoilers and i am not sure if i will watch the final season. but with it being said that i did not watch the whole thing, this can’t be a full review. so, here comes my first glance. spoilers obviously. 

instead of weaknesses and highlights, lets just say likes and dislikes. likes first.

LIKES

- tyler’s storyline. last season, i was skeptical of how they would handle his rape and emotions about it, but i am relieved they gave his character proper care and devin druid did a magnificent job. my only gripe is that i wish they had him do something other than boxing to channel his anger. like, i understand why he would be learning self defense but i would like to see him do something less violent?? 

- jessica’s reclaiming of her body. at first the whole intro to the sex toys was weird but it actually was really touching (no pun intended) to see jessica begin to love her body and love sex again after what she’s been through. also, female masturbation is so underrated. nice to see it encouraged. know your bodies, ladies. 

- the classic jensen tour. i’m surprised they still allow him to do the tours. like, none of the exchange students from the last time reported him? oh.

- chloe and the abortion. as a character, i don’t care for chloe, i’m sorry. she’s not a character to me, just a plot device. also, she gets no cookies for lying for bryce in the trials (i know abusers and victims have a twisted dynamic and that’s why that happened but nah chief) but i do like how they showed that some pro-life clinics will mask as abortion clinics and manipulate women into coming and trying to get them to keep their babies. totally real and fucked up.

- bryce was held socially accountable (kind of) and i think that makes an interesting point about rape culture. in the real world, jail doesn’t scare men in power because they can buy their way out. they don’t care about women and what they feel, obviously. what’ll really fuck sexual assaulters up is when they have no friends and no one likes them. that’s what they (kind of) showed with bryce this season. and he died which, yes fucking rad awesome wow.

- i know that justin also had a kind of darker storyline (with seth, i think? you can tell me if i’m wrong but don’t be rude) but he was a lot of the comic relief it appears and brandon flynn was great at it.

- alex and jessica broke up. hallelujah.

- justin is a abuse survivor. makes sense with his background. 

- monty died too AND went to jail. cool amazing beautiful.

- tony is still ferociously loyal and apparently there was a scene where clay and tony said they loved each other. rise clony. rise up from the ashes.

- “i write fanfiction” - clay jensen.

DISLIKES

-ani. ani, ani, ani. i can understand why people find her annoying and she was probably the biggest reason i was uncomfortable watching but i didn’t hate her. she just... didn’t make sense. the things she did,the things she said, how she was involved and everyone just takes to her and loves her immediately, no questions asked, no buildup necessary... none of it felt natural or believable. a new girl comes in and it’s just a coincidence that clay gives her a tour and she decides to go up to jessica and says shes amazing and lives in bryce’s house and connects herself to the house of horrors that is the tape club (which was so dumb on the tape club’s part by the way, as she could have snitched and destroyed them all) instead of just finishing out her high school career in peace considering she moves around a lot and she starts college in a year and half and probably won’t talk to any of them after that. no, she’d rather potentially go to jail for a bunch of fucking strangers and criminals and rapists. sure, okay.

and for someone who just fucking got there to basically insert themselves in the traumas of these kids and make things worse in some respects and do some fucking shitty things (not listening or caring when she heard about bryce being a GODDAMN RAPIST, accusing jessica of SLEEPING WITH HER RAPIST, accusing clay of being the killer, yelling about chloe’s pregnancy in the street, the list probably gets longer) and think they’re allowed to pass judgment when THEY JUST FUCKING GOT THERE. LIKE, WHY IS SHE SO INVESTED? WHAT DOG DOES SHE HAVE IN THIS FIGHT? DOESN’T SHE NEED TO STUDY OR SOMETHING? WHY IS THIS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING ELSE SHE HAS GOING ON IN HER LIFE?

now, i get what the show was trying to do here. they wanted another, fresh perspective/narrator and i guess a love interest for clay (a wayyyy too convenient love interest, ‘she loves robots and drawing and not minding her business too! swoon!). but they could’ve had both of those things without adding someone to the payroll. honestly, i don’t think they needed a narrator at all but if they really wanted one, they could’ve added an ACTUAL ADULT detective, with no biases so they can be completely reliable to the audience and their investment would be justified. for love interest, yall already know how much i love and miss sheri. she could check clay without sounding patronizing and had chemistry with him and actual nice, romantic history. she could have been his second cop and they could have reconnected and become a couple and... we could’ve had it all, rolling in the deeeppp. 

it’s like with ani, the show wanted to kill two birds with one stone but they missed them both and i think the backlash on her character says it all. i’d just like to remind everyone to give the actress who plays ani respect and courtesy because it’s not her fault. 

- was it just me, or does it seem like the tape club has learned nothing from what they went through? they’re still keeping secrets and trying to hide shit and keep it all inside and i’m like..... but.... this behavior is what got ya’ll fucked up in the first place? and i totally understand it’s about protection and whatever but.... it also feels like an excuse to not be held accountable for wrong doing. like, alex killed bryce. although he had all the reasons to do it and i’m glad he’s dead, he killed someone fam. that’s not okay. and his dad is wrapped up and it’s just... i just... i dont know. then, there was the whole “let’s not tell on tyler so he doesn’t go to jail” thing and i have mixed feelings about that. i think they should’ve turned him in and got clay’s mom to rep him for rehabilitation and therapy instead of a jail sentence. they’re hiding the guns and trying to trust tyler and luckily that worked, but how long? what if someone fucks with him again and it’s too much for them to help him with? 

- speaking of help, clay needs it. oh my god, does that boy need it. they were so focused on getting tyler professional help but, clay’s out here putting guns to his head and having night terrors. he needs therapy more than anyone. honestly, what i would have liked to see, wayyy back in s2, is as soon as justin saw that, he wouldve went to clay’s parents and got him back on his meds and seeing a counselor. he’s been through so much trauma and guilt and he’s tired of his own fucking hero complex. it’s enough man. 

- they tried to have their cake and eat it too when it came to clay stopping tyler from shooting up the school. they tried to be like, clay shouldn’t have done that but oh, he was so brave and what a great guy he is for doing that. no, that doesn’t work. clay should not have confronted tyler in that situation. period.

- zach was disappointing because i agreed wholeheartedly when he said that they should have called the cops but... he didn’t. he was blaming them for letting tyler go free but he was too. damn, zach.

- it’s like they give clay a new lackey every season and.... ok, i guess.

- i also thought it was kind of weird that after everything they’ve been through, they still walk on eggshells with each other? like i guess because now we’re dealing with murder but... i would think they would trust and care for each other a lot more than to accuse each other and spy and interrogate and not just simply ask... like... this season made me not understand the tape club’s relationship. like are they friends? allies? allies trying to be friends? friends out of necessity? do they know? 

- bryce does not deserve to be humanized. that’s all.

- monty does not deserve to be humanized. that’s all. also, it’s so disappointingly predictable that he’s closeted. 

- the new characters (ani, caleb, chloe, winston, cyrus ) i still don’t care about. plot devices, all.

i may edit and retract some things, should i decide to watch all the way but i’m tired.

[winchester90210]

The BH 90210 Rewrite. 1x18: It’s Only A Test

Rewrite Masterlist

Read the previous chapter here!

Chapter Summary: The SATs, health emergencies, and way too many feelings.

Warnings: mentions of tumors and loss of a loved one, a little bit of angst, maybe a swear word somewhere. I think that’s it!

Word Count: 2,300 My work is not to be reposted and/or edited without my expressed written consent. (Reblogging is fine and encouraged!!) Feedback is incredibly appreciated! :)

A/N:Thanks for everyone’s patience! I had to take a little time off due to Shannen coming out about her cancer returning. It just felt weird to hear about that and then write a chapter about Brenda having a cancer scare. I just needed a little time to process it, but now I’m back and the next chapter (April is the Cruelest Month) is ACTUALLY going to come out next week! Very excited about that. Okay, okay, I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! :) I’d usually link the song for the chapter but it’s not letting me for some reason. The song I would’ve linked is Opposites Attract by Paula Abdul if you still want to check it out! -

Seven days. Seven days! You have seven days to prepare for the SAT. Not six. Sure, you’ve been preparing for it practically your entire life but… a week? It’s like a sick joke or something.

You chew on the end of your pencil, bouncing your leg in a monotonous yet anxious fashion against the wooden desk in the newsroom. Staring down at the article in front of you, your heart pounds. It’s official. No one at this school knows how to use a comma and you can’t possibly fix everyone’s mistakes but you’re gonna die trying. How the hell does Andrea do this? And why did she think dropping all of her work on you right before the biggest test of your life was a good idea?

So you have to cover for her and prepare for the SATs all at the same time— not a big deal! It’s fine! You’d still have plenty of time to see your boyfriend, make sure you can get into a decent college, and see that the next issue of the Blaze gets out on time. Piece of cake! And hey, if you happen to make it out of all of this sane, that’s just a bonus.

“Y’know, I’ve wondered who’s been masticating all the pencils around here,” Brandon teases you as he struts over. You look up from the desk for the first time in half an hour to meet his glance.

“Masticating? Why— why use that word? You could’ve used chewed or chomped or a thousand other words. Masticating is totally unnecessary. Masticating is the kind of word that you learn on one of those super expensive, way too exclusive SAT prep courses.”

“What, like Alfred B. Cook?” He cocks an eyebrow up, pulling a stool from beside him to sit down next to you.

“‘Or you be fried,’” you quote exasperatedly, resting your head in your hand.

“Let me guess— Steve?”

“Bingo,” you sigh.

“If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think those prep courses even work. The SATs are designed to test you on stuff you already know, you can’t cram for them.”

“That’s what I told Steve to begin with but… then again, maybe you can! I mean if there is some kind of system or something, then everyone else who can’t afford those stupid overpriced courses is put at a total disadvantage! And I- I can’t afford to be put at any kind of disadvantage, not with everything I have to do!“

“First off, Y/N/N, you’re the smartest person I know! Besides, it’s just a test. A test that you can take twice if you want to. Second… I think you need to cut back on the coffee because you’re about five seconds away from short-circuiting.” You roll your eyes at him for the coffee jab, but you know he’s right.

“Well, sure, it’s just a test— but it’s a test that’ll determine whether I end up at Stanford or San Quentin.”

-

“So, you know how we were all at Kelly’s studying for the SATs?” You nod in response, joining Brenda on the edge of her bed. Brenda crosses her arms over her chest, settling back into her bed. “Well, she was reading this magazine and it had this thing in it about… where y’know, you check your breasts for lumps.” She stirs in her spot, kicking her feet up onto the bed. “So—“ she inhales and her voice is low, solemn. “we all decided to do it. I don’t know why, I guess we were bored.” There’s something in the way that she starts gazing off, staring mindlessly into the corner of her bedroom that rubs you the wrong way. Something was off.

“Bren, that’s not something we have to worry about at our age.”

“Well, the article said that even people our age should get into the habit. So, we all did the test,” her words begin to waver as she speaks, “And I thought I felt something.” Her eyes well up, lower eyelids reddening against her tears that are threatening to break through. “So, I talked to my mom and we went to the doctor.”

No. No no no no no. There’s no way… but would she even be telling you about this if there was nothing to worry about? Your stomach lurches instinctively. Suddenly you didn’t feel so well.

“And?” The second she takes to respond feels like an hour as you await her response.

“It’s a tumor.” You shake your head, stammering.

“That—that— How is that possible? I mean, you’re only sixteen and—and—“ you stop yourself short to take a deep, thoughtful breath. “Bren…”

You don’t know what else there is to do besides pulling her into a hug. Her head sits on your shoulder and your hand is resting on her back. You sit like that for a moment, finding comfort in each other’s company. You’d never had a friend like her before. Sure, you’ve had friends, but nothing could hold a candle to what you have with her. It was nice, having someone you could talk about anything with, free of judgment, free of criticism. And the thought of losing that… losing her? As that starts to sink in, it terrifies you.

“We’re getting a biopsy on Saturday,” she whispers.

There’s a beat before you mumble, “At least you get to miss the SATS?”

-

“So, Steve, any glorious plans this evening?” You meet up with your friend on the way out of West Beverly.

“I was planning on studying. You know what they say— ‘Alfred B. Cook—‘“

“Or you be fried, yeah, I get it. Can I come?”

“Are you asking me for a date?” He flashes a mischievous grin, to which you scoff.

“Of course I am,“ you tease, “Nothing and I mean nothing gets me in the mood for romance like my boyfriend’s best friend and the impending doom of a standardized test.” Steve rolls his eyes, waiting for you to finish. “Look, of course I’m not asking you for a date. What I am asking you for is the Alfred B. Cook advantage. The notes, practice tests, secret government documents– whatever you’ve got.” You shoot him a pair of pleading eyes. "Hey, I’ve gotta go… see you at eight?” You start to slowly tread backward in the direction of your car as you talk.

You turn on your heel toward the parking lot as you hear him call out “It’s a date!”

“No it’s not!”

-

“Hey, turn it off— we’re supposed to be studying!” You plead loudly as he turns the radio on his nightstand up, pop music blaring so loud you’re surprised the furniture isn’t shaking.

“Come on, you love this song!”

“Steve, everybody loves this song. Paula‘s a goddess of pop,” you dismiss him, reaching over and twisting the dial down.

“Loosen up. Y’know, what you really need is some fun,” he turns the dial to the other side, and now you’re back at square one.

“I have plenty of fun!” you narrow your eyes challengingly, but when you go to turn it back down, a small neon orange ball comes hurdling at your face. You gasp, dodging the projectile aimed at your head. “Did you really just throw an off-brand cheese ball at my face?”

“Maybe I did… maybe I didn’t,” he shrugs nonchalantly, moving over to the lounge chair in the corner of his room.

“What are you, five?” You reprimand him, and as he bends over to pick up a pencil from his carpet, you scoop the plastic bucket of cheese balls, firing a few directly at him. They hit his shoulder blade, crumbling as they fall down to the carpet, hints of orange residue leaving itself all over Steve.

“Who’s five now?”

-

“Okay, you got four choices, right? Well, out of those four, one will be a total throwaway,” Steve explains, pacing around his room as you catapult yourself back onto his bed, settling to sit cross-legged. It had only taken an hour and a handful of cheese balls to get a Steve to actually start studying.

“Wait, really?“

“Yeah! They do it so they can weed out the morons,” he nods, “No you’ve got three choices left and out of those three choices, one word will often mean the total opposite, so you can rule that one out too. Then you’re down to two choices, and even if you don’t know the answer, you’ve still got a 50/50 shot.”

“That makes it so much easier!” You fall back dramatically and rest your forearm under the back of your head.

“Yeah, you just can’t spend too much time on one question, you have to breeze through it with total confidence and no hesitation.”

“God, I hope I can do it.” You exhale, watching the fan on the ceiling swirl around.

“You can do it. You’re smart already. In fact, I think that’s your problem. You totally outsmart yourself.” He joins you on his queen size bed, lying down beside you.

“Well, sometimes I wish I wasn’t so ‘smart,’” you scoff.

“You know what?” He waits until you’re looking at him with curious eyes to continue, “you’re pretty cute when you’re not biting my head off.” You roll your eyes at his bluntness. If he was anyone else you’d probably be a little offended, but it was Steve. You were way too used to it now.

“Is that supposed to be some kind of compliment?”

“No…” You watch as his eyes flicker from your own, to your lips, then slowly back up to your eyes. “This is.” He leans forward, and before you can even process what’s happening, his lips are on yours.

You sock him hard in the shoulder, shooting up from his bed.

“Steve!”

“What?” He grabs his shoulder as if in pain, but you know it’s only his ego that’s wounded.

“What the hell, man?!” You run your hands through your hair, groaning out in frustration. “Why on earth would you do that?!”

“Well, uh… I don’t know. I thought I was picking up on something, that’s all.”

“I have to go… Hey, I’m sure you helped my score two—three hundred points.” You scramble to get your things together, actively avoiding looking Steve in the eye.

-

“Hey, B,” you join Brandon on the grass in the quad, a small thud as you set your food down beside you.

“Hey, Y/N/N. What’s for lunch?” It was unusually cold today. Clouds covered the usually beaming sun, though little beams of light peeked through every once in a while.

“How can you even think about food right now?“ You fold your hands in your lap, swallowing. You hadn’t eaten all day, but you couldn’t make yourself hungry if you wanted to.

“Actually, there’s something pretty important I want to tell you—“

“Wait. Before you say anything…” you catch his gaze thoughtfully, “how’re you holding up with everything?”

He sighs at that, letting his eyes drift to the ground. “Look, I can’t really flip out at home because of Brenda… but the truth is, inside I’m- I’m flipping out, Y/N/N.” You grab his hand silently, holding it and resting your intertwined fingers on your lap as he continues. “I mean, I know she’s gonna be fine but…”

“Hey, hey… of course she’s gonna be fine.” But then again…

“But then again, there’s always that chance,” his voice is quivering as he swallows, “And I can’t even comprehend it.” You place your free hand over the hand that you’re holding. You sit in silence for a moment, and you think about how you’ve never seen him like this before. Your typically mild-mannered boyfriend’s quiet. He’s vulnerable. He’s scared.

“Brandon, just know that no matter what it is, you can always come talk to me about it.“

"I know… you too, Y/N/N.”  You give him a soft, empathetic smile.

“So, what was it that you wanted to tell me?”

“I’ll tell you later.”

-

“Well, it’s almost been three hours,” Brenda sighs.

“Yeah… yeah, I’m sure she’ll call any minute!” Cindy agrees, chewing mindlessly on her thumbnail.

“And when she does I’ll answer it,” Brenda states, glaring in an accusatory way towards her mother.

“Fine, can I get anybody something to eat?” Cindy jolts up, making you realize how antsy everyone is. You’re tapping your foot as you stand next to Dylan at a hundred miles a minute, Brandon’s been pacing around the couch for twenty minutes, and Jim hasn’t said a word this entire time.

“Doesn’t anyone know any more jokes?” Brenda suggests, eyeing Dylan.

“None that I could tell here… Y/N/N?” Dylan looks to you, but you shake your head.

The doorbell rings, causing Cindy to go careening towards the phone. She whips it up to her ear and shouts impatiently into it.

“Hello?!”

“See, I told you she’d answer it,” Brenda grumbles, going over to the front door. She swings it open as Kelly and Donna walk in, giant gift baskets in hand. “You guys, I’m not dead.” The telephone starts to ring, interrupting Kelly when she opens her mouth to speak. “I’ll get it, I’ll get it, I’ll get it!” Brenda shouts, bolting over to the phone and bringing the antenna up. She lifts it to her ear. “Hello? Yes, this is Brenda… hi, Dr. Donner… Uh-huh…” Oh god. This is it. “Uh-huh!” A grin spreads across her face, “It is?!” You can feel the weight lifting off of your shoulders with pure relief. You quickly send up a collective thank you to any and every god you can think of, just in case. “It’s fibroadenoma, just like she thought. Fairly common in teenage girls due to an abnormally high level of estrogen. I guess my hormones were raging,” she giggles.

“Tell me about it,” Dylan smirks, and Brandon sends his elbow into his stomach at the exact same moment you smack Dylan on the back of the head. “Hey!”

Now, time to tackle your next crisis: the fact that you just bombed your SATs.

-

-

-

-

-

Taglist: @be-patient-be-good​ @mpmarypoppins​ @bevelyhills90210​ @blueoz​ @harleylilo88​ @princess-ghost-alien​ @hueycat2004​ @l4life​ @keepcalm-and-beyou​​ @palefiregiver​​ @rosy-pugs​

[untilthenextencore]

Playboy Pt. 1

The pics are of what Yuridia's suit looks like of course along with one of the inspirations for her looks alongside Sasha Montenegro & Rossy Mendoza, Turkan Soray.

As ever, forever editing...

Might alter or change the title...

Please be kind...

Let me know what you think!

Enjoy!

...

Late 1972

London, England

...

"Hold still!" The Bunny Mother instructed as she did her best to help her new charge into a black suit. The suit was new in a sense, and similarly, so was the bunny. 18 and a new recruit. She had just come from Los Angeles with a rather unusual name. Yuridia. Yuridia Garcia. Her full name was impossibly long as she herself had admitted. Hearing it once made Joan's head spin & her jaw drop in shock. It was like one of those names straight out of a Spanish drama or swashbuckler. Thankfully Yuridia wasn't offended. She just laughed it off.

She had been sent over for a short while to pad out the holiday shift & to allow Yuridia a chance to show her full potential as opposed to having her options limited in terms of hours & places in the club she was allowed to work as she would otherwise have faced at home due to her young age.

At first Joan didn't understand why they didn't just tell the shy, soft-spoken child with the admittedly terribly sweet, soft accent to come back in three years when they could use her to her best advantage in the LA club...

Save her the trip...

Pick someone else...

And then she met her...

And dressed her...

"Won't need these..." Joan teased as she removed the stuffing & padding from the cups of the suit. A lot of bunnies secretly padded. It was no big deal. A big secret kept from the public...

But no big deal...

The bunny bodice held and hid a multitude of sins...

Not that Miss Garcia had much to atone for at the ripe old age of barely 18...

Still...

You'd be surprised what a suit like the bunny suit could do for a girl's figure...

Across all sorts of body types...

Like it was made out of magic & fairy dust instead of just satin & stays...

Joan had seen it herself firsthand...

And right now even without the padding - admittedly unnecessary on Yuridia - the suit was still working it's insane, inconceivable magic...

Emphasizing every last one of her curves & her mile long legs to full effect!

It was doing her all kinds of favors whether she needed it or not!

Every. Last. Favor. On. Earth!

As Joan fastened the suit around her newest charge, who would be known as "Bunny Yuri" to the patrons of the London club, Yuridia herself fixed her cuffs. She made sure that the Playboy Bunny logos on the cufflinks faced each other when she put her wrists together as was the rule. Made sure the bunnies kissed" as was the rule. "Kissing Bunny cufflinks" was just one of many little details that had to be filled out just so. And she knew failure to do so would result in warnings, admonishments & demerits. Another such detail was daintily perched ears which seemed to "quirk" just so. This was the next thing Yuridia handled as Joan handled yet another detail. Fluffing her bunny tail. Yuridia cast a shy smile in the mirror at Joan, nodding a polite. "Thanks..."

"Any time, luv. It's my job..." Came the reply based in soft laughter.

This shy little thing. What kind of a bunny would she make out there?

Yuridia then gazed in the mirror to inspect her reflection as suddenly another bunny burst through the room.

"Yuri! You're working the VIP room with me and Diana right?" It was Bunny Kitty, panting in breathless excitement for God knows what reason.

"Yes, of course. Although I have a short shift tonight. I worked a split today. Why? Is anything the matter? Any problems? Anything wrong, Kitty? Any changes?" Yuridia gazed at her breathless friend curiously.

"No... Nothing's the matter... Nothing's wrong... No changes..." Kitty sighed after a drink of water, finally calming down. "It's just that we got some very, VERY important people that are being put into your section right now. VVIP... VVVIP!..."

"Oh? Anyone I oughta know, luv?" Joan asked as she made the last few adjustments to "Yuri's" suit.

"Or me? Even though I'm new here and not from around. Or are they more locally known & famous?" Yuridia asked.

"Oh no! No! No! No, they're definitely well known... Internationally known... Internationally famous... Or infamous..." Kitty giggled. "And you DEFINITELY should have heard of them by now!..." I'm not sure if I oughta tell you or just let you go out & find out yourself..."

"Not sure if I should even ask... I'm a little scared now with how you've talked of them..." Yuridia laughed before asking. "Can I at least ask this? How many are there?"

"Four..." Kitty replied in an awed hush, fighting back a squeal as she clenched her fists.

"Well by that reaction, Kit, I have to ask... Is it the Beatles? Have they decided to reform?" She teased.

"Noooo... But you're on the right track... Not the worst guess you could have made.

"Oh wow... That big?... That famous?... That popular?..."

"Just about..." Kitty smiled.

"Mmmm... I see..." Yuridia hesitated, nerves starting to get the better of her momentarily, prompting her to come up with a proposition. "Are you gonna shadow me then? Make sure I don't mess up? Or do you just want to take my table? I take yours? Who knows? They might like you better..." She teased hoping that she could play her nerves off well enough.

"I'd love to! But I can't... The floor manager would have my neck!" She laughed, rubbing the back of her neck for emphasis.

"Did you greet them for me? Tell them I'll be right with them? After I finish getting dressed I mean..." Yuridia laughed nervously.

Kitty nodded. "I did. Though I didn't exactly go into specifics of course." She grinned, motioning to Yuridia in her suit. "Not that I think that they'd have minded of course! But of course that would be against policy so... Your secret is safe with me." She laughed.

"Ohhh... Kitty..." Yuridia gave Kitty a playful shove as she began to blush slightly.

Kitty laughed again. "Why on earth are you so shy? How on earth were you hired if you blush at the drop of a hat?"

Joan swatted at Kitty playfully. "Don't scold her! She can't help it! Besides... You know the boys out there might actually like that... They might get a kick out of it!..."

Yuridia turned to glance at Joan as best as she could without disrupting her work adjusting her suit again. "I assume you have experience... With them?"

Kitty leant in to whisper something to Joan, making her gasp. Yuridia swore she heard a "it's..." or "they're...". Spilling the beans on the mystery patrons' identity apparently as Joan & Kitty both nodded in reply.

"You bet, honey. And they have plenty experience with us. And others!" Kitty grinned.

"Well then, you two!" Joan cut in after giving Yuridia's suit one last tug upwards & her tail one last fluff. "Why don't you be off then! So Kitty you can SHOW our little miss "Bunny Yuri" her patrons for the evening! Now be off you two! Shoo, shoo, shoo!" She laughed.

The laughter was echoed by Kitty who took Yuridia by hand as she thanked Joan one last time & lead her out of the dressing room & through the long corridor to the main floor.

"Kitty..." Yuridia hushed.

"Mmmm?" Came the response.

"Can't I get one last clue? Please? Just one little one?" Yuridia pleaded.

"Can't wait till we get out on the floor & to our section?" Kitty asked with a playful smile.

"Mmm-mm..." Yuridia shook her head.

Kitty just laughed. "Alright then... Here... Shine your light on these..." She paused just a few steps from the entrance to the main hall & presented her cuffed wrists, "kissing bunny cufflinks" and all. But the kissing bunnies weren't meant to be the focal point...

Nor were they...

For as Yuridia shone her little mini flashlight down on Kitty's cuffs she noticed something for the first time...

Kitty's cuffs were no longer pure white...

They were marred...

Marked...

Scribbled on...

Written on...

Yuridia was just barely able to make out four distinct signatures...

But she didn't trust what she saw...

Or what she thought she saw...

"Kitty..." She hushed.

"Uh-huh..." Came the slyly smiling reply.

"Kitty...

Kitty...

Kitty, these are...

These are...

These are...

Am...

Am...

Am...

Am I reading this right?...

Like am I seeing things correctly?..."

"What do you see, "Yuri"?" Kitty teased.

"I dunno...

I almost don't trust myself to read this right..."

Kitty just laughed & pointed across the room to their section. There... Tucked away in a booth... Signing the cuffs for a gaggle of other giddy bunnies were four men... Not just any men... This Yuridia knew as her eyes fell on each member & the accompanying matching scrawled signature flashed in her head in time...

For there...

Tucked away in the comfy dark confines of a booth...

In her section were...

John Paul Jones...

John Bonham...

Robert Plant...

Jimmy Page...

All four internationally popular, famous - and yes Kitty was right, INFAMOUS - members of one of one of the biggest groups on the scene at the time...

LED ZEPPELIN!!!!!

"Oh my God..."

[sunnyborabora]

Alpha (Jungkook x Reader) Chapitre 5

Y/n is a powerful alpha. Nothing bad in fact except for the fact that she is a female alpha, something so rare that only a few are existing at the same time. Despite this, she is living her life as she wants, until she met Jeon Jungkook. An omega that wants everything but being what he is. They are undoubtedly attract to each other, but they don't seem to know why. As they are trying to start a relationship they have no idea that bigger forces have already planed something.

Warning: a bit of angst, panic attack, mention of violence at the end

Am I being constant? It seems like it! Thank you for all your support I love it and it motivate me to write even more. Here is the 5th chapter we are starting the sirious stuff! I might update the Jimin spin off next week with one of the requests! Love you all

---------

She was expecting a phone call from her older brother any time soon. Just, maybe, not that soon. Exactly the day after the incident with Sohee happened. She was editing some song she had to lead to her boss soon when her phone buzzed. The familiar name just made her sighted. « Hello. -I don't know why but I thought you weren't going to answer » At least he didn't sound angry. « Since when am I ignoring your calls ? I don't want you to come for me » He laughed. Okay maybe everything was going to be fine. « But seriously. You know why I am calling you ? -You send me Sohee. Honestly I don't know what you were expecting when you send her to me. I don't know what I can do more than dad could have done... -She needed to get away from where she was living. We can't keep here in the pack. It's too tensed lately. » She let go of her guitar, putting it on top of her desk. « What is happening ? Is everything okay ? -I can't tell you anything. You know, since you are not a part of the pack anymore » Maybe he had the intention of hurting her, making her felt isolated. He was forgetting that she was the one who left because she wanted to be free. « I know. I just hope that if something was happening to our parents you would tell me. -Of course. Even if you are stubborn little shit you are still my baby sister. » She scoffed. « Family is family right. -You can say that » he laughed. « But I wasn't calling you only about Sohee. You have an omega ? -I'm really going to have a conversation with those bastards... -Hey, you are the one who is keeping secret. They really thought you would get in trouble for that. Like it wasn't bound to happen. -It's none of their business. What is happening between me and Jungk- I mean the omega, is supposed to stay between us too. -So you take this seriously. -What do you mean ? -I've never heard you being this passionate about one of your partner. Is he taking knot well at l- -That sounds like the end of our relationship as siblings to me. » He laughed not threatened at all. « Possessive much ? Oh my god what is happening to you ? » It was low key scaring Y/n. The feeling of anger and possessiveness in her chest, the reaction of her wolf. It was going crazy inside her chest. There was something wrong with her. « I don't know. Honestly I- -I understand don't worry. Just don't do anything stupid. -Since when am I doing stupid stuff. -Your birth I would say » She simply told him to shut up before he laughed and tell her good bye. Once he hanged up, Y/n kept her phone her hand for a while. When was the last time she talked to a member of her family ? She didn't know. She had no news of her mother, even less of her father. Mark, the one who had just called her was actually the only one who was texting her time to time. She wasn't really sad. She had always been a loner, totally fine by herself. But it wasn't in alpha's culture to be alone. They needed to care for people, to protect. She had fabulous friend that she was able to love and protect but it wasn't the same thing as a pack. She had finally finished the song and was satisfied with it and was already walking down the hall to look for her boss when she received a text from Jungkook. This boy was driving her mad. Wasn't she supposed to be a superior being among wolf, being super duper dominant. And here she was worrying about everything he was doing. She knew something was wrong when she was ready to go to sleep yesterday, and that she could not stop thinking about him. Did he eat well ? Was he going to sleep already ? Was he mad at her for something ? The boy was sensitive, too sensitive. But he was young. Maybe she should just let him live his life until he is ready. This is when she understood that something was off. At the simple thought of letting him go, her wolf went crazy and a strange feeling of sadness and emptiness overcome her. Something was happening with, maybe because she was a female omega or something... She might do some research about it soon. Hi Noona could you come to my apartment after classes I need to talk to you. That was her worst nightmare. « I need to talk to you ». Who was even texting this to someone ! It was torture ! She simply answered that she'll be there before sending her boss the song. She left her work going to uni. Sohee was waiting for her at the bus station. Y/n didn't know why she had to leave where she was before but the girl looked so anxious around others that it must have been hard for her. Her father was a great protector. Even if he was a wolf and that his pack was already one of the biggest, Y/n never saw him refused to help someone. In top of that he was a very intelligent man, everything he was doing was calculated. If he had sent her here it was because he thought Y/n could help her. « Are you okay ? You seem a bit... Stressed... -I have a favor to ask you » Y/n kept driving until she arrived to the parking lot, nodding at the other girl to keep talking. « Can I... Can I like live with you for some time ? » She looked at Sohee trying not to make her panic. « Yeah I mean... We have a spare room. You could live with me I guess » The girl was so reassured that Y/n understood something was really off. She didn't mention it tho, thinking that if until now the witch was going to live with her she would have plenty of time to learn more about it. She dropped Sohee to her archeology class and kept walking. Yoongi was here in front of their classroom. « Well, are you waiting for me or something ? » Y/n didn't know how to explain this but her relationship with Yoongi had changed since she started to go out with Jungkook. What was awkward and tensed before was now fun and still a bit tensed. But it was a lot better. « Sorry who are you again ? -Ah ah funny genius. Seriously what are you waiting for ? -Nothing, let's go » They walked into the room, choosing seat as far away from the teacher possible. The lecture had not started yet so you allowed yourself to ask him something. « When someone is telling « I need to talk to you ». Does it sound bad or good to you ? » He looked at you surprised. « I don't know ? What's the context ? -As in come to my appartment I need to talk to you. -That sounds very bad. » Y/n pouted at him. « What is this face you're making ? In what shit did you put yourself again ? -This is just my face and you are the second person who is telling me that I always put myself into shit today. It's not true » Yoongi smirked at her. « You had your brother on the phone I see. -Yeah, those bitches from yesterday had not waited a second to tell him the entire story. -What did he say ? -Nothing. I asked him why did they send me the witch, and he simply said that as I was not a part of the pack anymore he could not tell me. I feel like something is wrong. » He nodded simply. « Your father is normally taking care of these business. I mean witches. They are pretty useful for packs. Why didn't he kept her ? -I don't know. Something might have happened to her. The girl is terrorized by something but I don't know what. She has an apartment normally, but she asked me if she could live with me from now on. » Yoongi's eyes widen. « Did you said yes ? -Yeah. You know I can't say no to people. And I figured that if there is really something wrong what's a better way to learn more about it than living with her... -This is what I mean when putting yourself into shit you know that... -I could not say no ! If my father thought it was a good idea to send her to me there must be a reason. -You are way too curious. Why can't you live your life normally ? » Y/n started to get irritated. She was just helping her, she could not see a problem into that. « Just don't let Jungkook get involve into that okay. -I don't know why he would be involved. » Yoongi didn't answer making sure that she understood that the conversation was over. The class was going great until the teacher choose to give assignment. Who wanted to write a twenty pages essay about the influence of baroque music on the XVIIth century and it's conflict with classic music ? Y/n knew she was good to spend her day to the library. « Fuck this teacher anyway », said Yoongi being petty about homework. « Ah your ability to talk is back... » He arched a brow, an annoyed expression on his face. You walked away escaping the grumpy alpha. She still had time until her rendez vous with Jungkook. She decided to start that essay before having more work and being unable to work on anything. Her work might be cool but composing was a time-consuming job. Not sleeping and coffee overdose were something common for her. She was silently reading a book when someone caught to catch her attention. It was Jimin, adorable as always. He was smiling to her, his round cheeks making her want to pinch them. « Can I help you Jimin ? -Can I sit with you ? -Of course » She putted her book away, concentrating on him. He took a book he had in his bag and gave it to you. « What is this ? -I was doing research lately... Hum about werewolves dynamic and I came across something... As I know you come from a big pack... Maybe you could answer some of my question... » She tried to breathe slowly, talking about dynamics making her kinda uncomfortable. « Yeah, I'll try to answer. » He nodded slowly opening the book to a precise page. « Do mates exist ? » She lowered her gaze on book and saw that it was an old work, and that indeed this peculiar page was talking about mates. « What is the book saying ? -That it was indeed something some century ago but that mates slowly started to disappear and that now there is not any mates. -From what I know it's true. Some people explain this by the numerous mixed between species. Others think that it's just suddenly stopped. There is more than one theory but all I know is that I never meet mates. » He nodded a bit disappointed. « But I can tell you that they indeed existed. My great grand father had a mate. I never met them obviously but my mother used to tell me their story all the time. She was human. When he met her it was like he felt complete again. His wolf could not bear to be away from her. And once he had met her, not any other women was important. The only thing that mattered was his pack and his mate. » He gulped slightly. « Do you know what are the symptom ? I mean... How do you know when someone is your mate. » Y/n was really thinking that something was wrong today. Why was everyone acting so strange ? Jimin was a dance major. Why was he even doing research about this. « Humm, I think the wolves just knew. They met their mate and suddenly they are feeling different. In a good type of way. If they are away from them they are starting to feel sick and stuff. I mean they can't be separated by too much distance or anything. The link between the mates is to strong and is like hurting the wolves. » He nodded slowly. But she felt as he wasn't done with his question. « Can people from different species be mates ? I mean except human and wolf. -I don't know. I guess that until you are not a vampire, you can be the mates of a wolf. But if you are thinking of dynamics this must be kinda complicated. » Jimin was looking at his hands, fidgeting in his chair. « Jimin is everything okay ? » She was genuinely worried about the little omega. Was something wrong ? Was he hurt ? « No ! It's fine I was just wondering that's all. Thank you Y/n ! You are a better information source than any books in the library ! » She chuckled slightly. « If you need help of course come to me » she said, letting him know that she was not only talking about research. She finished half of her essay and it was already time to leave. In fact, she was already late. The time she walked or more run to her car, she was already ten minutes late. She arrived ten minutes later to Jungkook apartment. She was expecting everything except a crying Jungkook. But when he opened the door he was shivering, tears streaming down his face. She could not control herself as she hug him, a feeling of panic taking over her body. She could feel it, the wolf creeping under her skin, trying to come out. « Jungkook, w-what's happening ? Is there someone here ? Someone hurted you ? » She was looking around the apartment to find someone, something that could have cause his state. There was nothing. Absolutely nothing. « I-I don't know ! I feel bad ! » Okay, if she wasn't panicking before she was right now.

« Are you hurt ? Please tell me where ?! » She was trying to back off a little to be able to see him more clearly, but she couldn't even put some space between him and her. His nails that were more looking like claws at the moment, were piercing her shirt to prevent getting away from her. « Alpha ! Please help ! » He wasn't hurt anywhere. She could not smell any blood. The only scent she could identify were Jungkook obviously, but a bit of Taehyung and Jimin too. « Shift Jungkook, come on let it go it's fine » She used her power to force him into the shifting. He fell on his knees, letting go of her body as he started to transform. She wasn't really proud of forcing him into this, but transforming into a wolf was always soothing. The wolf was taking the lead for sometime, letting the human rest for a bit until he was ready to take the lead again. It took 10 second for Jungkook to disappear, letting his place to a big black wolf. The wolf was whimpering a bit, shifting was always a bit of a shock when it was made in such conditions. But after another ten seconds, the wolf was standing tall on his strong paws, watching with attention. « Is it better like this ? Do you feel better ? » The wolf walked in her direction, his wet nose touching the palm of her hand. It felt intimate, as if he was sharing with her something that he wasn't showing anyone else. Which wasn't true because within a pack it was something common. Finally, the wolf attention diverted on something else. She let the wolf alone for a while as it was laying on the couch. She was trying to find something to eat in the apartment. She almost what it was to be a student and to eat only instant noodles. She tried to cook something that would not taste bad, but she wasn't that good at cooking. « Noona ? » She turned around to see a confused Jungkook. « Hey, do you feel better ? -What happened ? I- I don't know... » She turned around to face him, a sweet smile playing on her lips. « Everything is fine don't worry. You panicked a bit and you turned but it's fine now. I cooked something but honestly I would not advise you to taste it. Let's order something okay ? » Jungkook was confused for a bit. When he woke up in his wolf form on his couch, the smell of Y/n everywhere. When he entered his kitchen to see her cooking something, a feeling of domestic affection invaded him. She was beautiful. She was here with him and no one else. He didn't really remember much from before he woke up. Except a feeling of panic and loneliness. Like something was missing. But it was long forgotten now. They ordered pizzas because Y/n ended up burning what she had started to cook. « I told you I sucked at cooking. My mom is so good at it I can't understand » The pizza were good. The feeling of being near her was soothing Jungkook's soul. He felt like he could be himself with her. It was rare that he felt like this. The only people he was comfortable with were his hyungs. And Y/n. He didn't remember falling asleep, but he was woken up by a deep growl in his ear. « Y/n what's- ? » But she could not respond. The big wolf that was almost crushing him had replaced Y/n. « Y/n! » He saw the shadow at the end of the room, near the window. A hooded silhouette was stopped in its movement as the big wolf growl again. Jungkook roll on his side, out of under Y/n. He tried to stand up but it was too late. He heard a bark, the noise of claws against the wood when the wolf charged against the shadow. The silhouette jumped through the open window, the wolf trying to follow, it's jaws clapping trying to catch the intruder. It was too big to follow the shadow. « Y/n ! » She was already shifting back to human. She looked like a fury, messy hair, agitated from the sudden shift. « What just happened ?! » She didn't answer running upstairs. Jungkook followed her running, he was out of breath. « Where is he ?! » She was in her room, looking at the place until her eyes fixed the floor. Everything was a mess as if someone had gone through every single piece of furniture looking for something, that they did not find. « Jungkook ? » He took a deep breath, finally breathing after a while. « Yes ? » She turned around. Her eyes were as red as blood. « Take your things. We are leaving » He stayed shock for a few seconds before moving as fast as he could. It was like he was possessed. He didn't realized he was crying until he heard Y/n on the phone. She was screaming at someone, but he could not comprehend anything. She took her bag and her keys. He simply followed. At this point he was radiating panic. He could not help it. He had no idea of what just happened. The ride was silent, until Jungkook started crying. He really could not help it. The all situation. How Y/n, his alpha was tensed. It was a chemical reaction that he could not help. « Please don't cry. » She was not looking at him, eyes still fixing the road. He simply felt her hand on his thigh in a reassuring manner. « It's fine, everything is going to be fine » It's the last words she said before everything went silent again. He could feel an incertitude in her tone that he was not used to. He recognized Namjoon and Yoongi neighborhood only after some time. He was so tired his mind was going in slow motion. She parked in front of the building before exiting the car. He followed her, walking as closely as he could, which was stupid. She was not going to run away. « Yeah, Yoongi. We just arrived » She nodded and hang up. She looked at him and Jungkook melted. Her hands in his was making all his worries disappeared for a while. It was reassuring. They arrived in front of Namjoon and Yoongi's apartment faster than he could think of as she had dragged him around the corridors. Namjoon opened the door. His hair were messy, and he was probably still in what was his pajamas. She simply gave him a nod before entering the apartment. Namjoon smiled at Jungkook, and he suddenly wanted to hug the alpha to death. Inside the apartment was all his friends, Jimin jumped from the couch and came crash into Jungkook arms. « Jungkook are you okay ? » He simply noded at Jimin following him to the couch where he sat next to Taehyung who squeezed him into a hug as well. Being surrounded by his friends was something he loved, he felt at ease and safe. « Y/n what happened ? » It was Namjoon. « We were sleeping when I felt, someone was here. I didn't catch who it was. -Did you catch a smell ? -No, this is what I meant by felt. There was nothing, no smell, just magic. -What do you mean ? » Yoongi was looking at her, trying to understand. She looked clueless. « I have no idea. I-I don't know... » She looked at Namjoon. « Something is up. I have no idea of what it is yet. But I need to find out. -What do you mean something is up ? » She looked around, looking at Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook, as if she was hesitating to speak as they were here. « You can speak, if there is any danger, they need to know to. » She took a deep breath before starting : « A few weeks ago, my father send me someone. The only thing I knew at this point was that I had to protect her. I met her as soon as she arrived and I realized she was a witch. My father, he is used to taking care of people. When a coven or a smaller pack is in need, he usually offered his help in exchange for the loyalty of the one he helped. This is why it didn't really surprise me when he talked to me about this witch, Sohee. But I can't help but wonder why he didn't keep her with him ? I don't know. » Namjoon seemed to think for a bit. « Do you know why she was sent to you ? If she was ; it's because her coven had a problem in first hand. -I don't know why she was sent to me. I was surprised because, she marked a pause in her sentence , well I don't really know what my father's pack is doing. I am independent. I don't know why me... But she told me, when we met the first time, that she could not stay with her coven anymore, and had been forced to leave. » Yoongi finally spoke. « You should call your father. If the arrival of the witch and the event of tonight are linked, we need the all story. -I can't ask my father, you know this. -He can't refuse you that. Even after everything that happened, you are still his daughter » Y/n snickered bitterly. « He won't tell me anything, you know him. Definitely not if I am playing the « I am your daughter » card. His pack and the code is more important. -What do you suggest ? -I am going to ask him from an outside perspective. If I present myself like an alpha from another pack, he might agree to tell me what really is going on » Namjoon nodded, but suddenly Taehyung spoke « Is it really that serious ? Aren't we making links between things that make no sense ? A witch is coming in town and suddenly everything is going down » Jimin who was near Jungkook was nearly vibrating now. The young omega had felt how his friend had been agitated since the beginning of this conversation. « It is linked. The intruder he tried to steal something. I think I interrupted him as he was looking for it in the living room. -What is it ? » She didn't answer. « For now on I should try to call Sohee. I am worried about her. She told me last time I saw her that she wasn't feeling safe about something and- » Jimin literally jumped on his feet. Jungkook didn't even see him move. « Jimin is everything okay ? » Y/n could see that something was wrong. Jimin was panicking, his eyes gold, his wolf on the verge of tacking the control. « Jimin calm down » Namjoon said and the omega stopped trembling as soon as he heard his alpha. Y/n looked at Yoongi, but the other alpha looked as incredulous. « Teahyung, Jungkook and Jimin you should stay here with Jin » Namjoon looked at the older man and Jin nodded in agreement. Jungkook was ready to object. He wanted to come. He wasn't a child, and he could defend himself ! But Seing Jimin like this he didn't want to leave his friend. « I am calling Sohee to see if she can come. » She walked in another room with her phone. « What are we going to do after that ? » Yoongi asked. « The most important now is to make sure everyone is safe and to gather the more information we can. We can't play a game if we don't know all the rules. » Yoongi nodded as he was sitting now on the couch, Jimin glued to his side, as Hoseok was on the other side, having a beta and an alpha near him was the most reassuring for him. « Sohee doesn't answer her phone » Y/n was holding her phone, and Jungkook could tell she wasn't as confident as before. « She could be asleep, it's literally the middle of the night. Everyone should be asleep » Jimin had started trembling again. « I feel... I – I feel, fuck » Y/n approached him. « Jimin, I know something is up... I am not asking you to tell me anything but please, if you know something about Sohee. Tell me » Jimin started crying. « Something is happening, I don't know what. You need to find her. » Y/n didn't need more. She looked at Namjoon and without a word they seemed to understand each other. « I am going to her apartment. -Take Yoongi and Hoseok with you. You might need back up » She nodded and walked toward the door, but she stopped in her track. She turned around, looking at Jungkook. He rose up from the couch and walked toward her. « You really need to go... -I do, I'll be back soon. -I should go with you -No. Stay here. Help Taehyung and Jin tacking care of Jimin. He needs your help. -There is Namjoon hyung... -Namjoon won't be here, he has something to do too. But promise me to be carefull. » He took her in his arms, and she gave him a reassuring embrace. Yoongi was waiting with Hoseok at the door. And she finally followed them leaving Jungkook. Y/n wasn't imagining her week to turn out like this. « I can't believe I am letting you drive. Do you even have your driving license » She was ready to throw Yoongi out of the window at the next comment he was going to do. They arrived at her apartment faster than they should have, maybe because respecting the signalization seemed pretty trivial to Y/n now. Yoongi had almost chocked her twice during the ride, thankfully Hoseok was here to save the day. « She should be here. She doesn't go out that much. Even at all. » They smelled nothing suspect on their way to the apartment. Only the smell of humans, werewolf. Y/n knocked on the door but there were no response. « She must be sleeping » But Y/n knew it was not the case. Something was wrong. « Nobody knows how to pick up a lock ? » To Y/n's surprise Hoseok knew how to pick a lock. Yoongi was also surprised but he played it off better. As Y/n suspected there was no one in the apartment. The smell of Sohee was so weak, it was like she had not been there for a while. It was not reassuring at all. « Y/n ! Come here ! » It was Yoongi. He was in the space where the kitchen was. Y/n closed her eyes when she entered the room. It smelled like blood. « There was a fight here. Look at the window » Indeed, a scratch from what looked like a hand on the paint from the window border. « It's like someone tried to hang on there, fuck » Indeed, fuck. The person she had promised to protect, the person who probably hold the answer to what was currently happening, had disappear. « I have to find her. » Yoongi looked at her in the eyes. « We are going to find her don't worry ».

[elsaclack]

Hi :) This might sound weird haha but I adore reading you talk about your writing, it's really inspiring and I feel like I learn a lot of things every time I read you talk about it (you know I'm a fan of your style haha). And anyways while I was reading your answer to your last anon, this struck me: "when i was outlining that chapter i think the only line i dedicated to the actual fight itself was “and then they have a crazy knife fight (good luck future me)”" and I wanted to ask you (1/2?)

(2/3?) do you have like any tips for writing a multichapters fic? I guess from what you wrote here you outline the whole thing before you start with it? Or it depends or the story and sometimes you just go with the flow and see where it goes haha? Do you mind sharing some of your writing process of multichapter fics? :3 Bc I tend to get "bored" really easily and if I don't finish something in one sitting I usually never ever finish it. But also I'd like to learn how to take my time sometimes

(3/3) and idk maybe learning how to properly "get ready" to write something long would help haha. I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense at all but yeah in any case just thank you for blessing my nights with your fics and killing me over and over with feels, I'm sure I said it before but you (and all of the amazing writers this fandom is blessed with) are a true inspiration!!!

you are SO sweet to me i die fhflkdsjf

i’m gonna go ahead and throw 100% of my answer under the cut because i haven’t even started yet and i know this is about to be. So Long. i am sorry in advance lmao

there are a couple of different aspects to this ask that i want to touch on so i will be as brief as possible but as i have proven twice over tonight alone, i am really not capable of that lmfao

i’d say first and foremost, the biggest thing you can do to help yourself in this arena is figure out how to best discipline yourself. which SUCKS it’s like the worst most mom answer ever but in all honesty, developing discipline in writing is what separates the “i could write a book” people from the people who actually do write books. everyone is capable of writing, but not everyone has the discipline or patience to do so. long-form narrative requires even MORE discipline than a one-shot (or even a long one-shot) because it’s like you said, it requires the author to come back over and over and over again to write new material and edit existing material and figure out a way to cohesively connect everything they’ve written into one consistent narrative, and some people have a much harder time with that than others do. there’s nothing wrong with that either way!! the world needs short stories just as much as it needs longer stories. but if you’re wanting to work on writing longer-form narratives, working out a way to best discipline yourself should probably be your number-one goal.

that kind of brings me to my next point (and also ties in part of what i was talking about in that other ask) - comparing your writing style, your progress, your everything to other writers will only lead to heartache for you. when i first started reading and writing for b99 i came across a specific author (who is now one of my dear friends) whose fics were just. next-level works of art. and while i read through just about everything she’d written for b99 and LOVED every single one of them, i found myself getting more and more down on my own writing, because i knew i’d never be able to write like her. but the more comfortable and confident i got in my own writing, the more i realized that it’s less about writing more like That Person and more about developing my own style (my favorite comparison to make between my writing and hers now is that hers are like beautiful and intricate fairy tales, and mine are more of a smokey back room at a bar where a guy is sitting alone at a table and he says “come here and listen to this story.” they’re both Very Different, and perhaps have varying audiences, but one is not inherently Better Or Worse than the other). all of this to say, if you’re working as hard as you can and being really disciplined but still find yourself struggling with writing a multichap, THAT’S OKAY!!! there’s NOTHING wrong with that!!! your writing, however short or long, serves an INCREDIBLY important purpose within the fandom as a whole and no matter what, there will ALWAYS be an audience for your writing.

so okay as for the actual Advice!!! i actually have a couple of steps that i usually follow prior to actually Writing the first chapter of any long fic i’ve written (or am in the process of writing...@king and lionheart yikes). i have yet to really find any consistency in how i think of ideas for multichaps - so far the idea every multichap i’ve written has come from a different source (which is actually kind of Frustrating for reasons i won’t get into). but basically once i actually have An Idea, i’ll take a day or two to kind of think it over and flesh it out as much as possible. if it really starts expanding in detail and an actual Story constructs itself around the idea, i’ll move on to the next step, which is to find a few trusted mutuals here on tungle.corn and say “heyyYYY CAN I YELL ABOUT AN IDEA I HAVE FOR A SECOND” and then spill everything i’ve thought of so far. usually i can tell if an idea will live or die based on these conversations - if the other person is Into It and we start sort of developing the world within the chat, i know it’s time to really sit down and make an effort to pursue the fic. in that case, i will go and copy&paste that part of our chat into a google doc and i’ll build an outline in a separate doc. i used to despise outlines and i would refuse to do them in high school, but once i got into writing as a hobby and i started pursuing longer narrative forms, i tried once or twice to write a multichap without an outline and i just forgot a lot of the details i originally wanted to include, which left me feeling really frustrated with myself and with my writing. i came to realize that outlines kind of a necessary evil, so in writing them i made them as fun for me as possible (i.e. the “good luck future me” line from the king and lionheart outline i mentioned lmao). now i love them and i have them open at all times while i’m working on writing a new chapter.

so i know that i started this off by saying that writing multichaps requires a special kind of discipline, and i stand by that, but also...writer’s block and real life responsibility and just plain exhaustion are all Very Real Things, and they take precedent over keeping up with a publishing schedule (if you’re so inclined to make one of those for yourself). when i started writing king and lionheart, i didn’t know at that point that i would be headed back to school in the spring, and thought that i would have all the time in the world to write. right around november, i realized that i would be going back to school - that’s about the time i took an unofficial hiatus from writing king and lionheart, because i knew trying to keep up with writing that fic the way that i want it to be written and all of the intensive and demanding coursework was going to kill me. taking a step back from posting and coming back to it later is okay. i know i talk a lot about feeling guilty for not having an update for king and lionheart (and the cancer au before it) but in all honesty i know that it’s okay for me to take some time and deal with my real life. and, you know, it’s also okay to lose inspiration for a while and to take a step back until that inspiration comes back. i think it’s that fear of not being able to take longer breaks between updates that scares a lot of people off from even trying to write a multichap - as the queen of procrastination, i am here to tell you that it is 100% okay to start a multichap and to take a break and come back to it when necessary!

writing a multichap is very much like running a marathon - it requires a different kind of energy than a 400 meter sprint or a 1k fluffy oneshot. it’s gonna hurt and it’s gonna suck and there are gonna be times when you’re ready to just quit writing altogether. but there will be parts that are really fun and really easy and you’re gonna get some really great views along the way - and at the end when you cross that finish line and you’re able to check that “complete” box on ao3 before you post the last chapter, you won’t remember the parts that sucked. trust me!! i wouldn’t write as many as i do if the actual shitty parts of the writing process negated the good things that come from writing it and sharing it with other people!

it’s also worth noting that just because you get bored with an idea doesn’t mean that you can’t pick it up again later!!! honestly the first 2 or 3 paragraphs of on your heart like a tattoo sat in my google docs for MONTHS before i randomly decided one day to open it and take a crack at finishing it, and to this DAY i’m still getting people regularly commenting on it. every idea has its purpose and its place, even if it doesn’t always immediately seem like it.

i really hope this helps and i’m sorry if it doesn’t!!! you are such a kind and wonderful person and i absolutely adore you

[seouledbysisi]

A Time Like No Other

Chapter 10

1 Month Later

The girls had been moving for the past four months. The task wasn't as hard as they thought it would be. They sold all the furniture that they didn't need any longer and split the profit. All they really needed to take with them to Seoul was their clothes and precious belongings that they couldn't leave without.

The ladies walked the streets of Hongdae taking in the view of the city. They had a meeting in the morning with their new entertainment company so they were taking advantage of this time they would have to just be free and get a little more familiar with the city.

“Who would've thought we'd be living in Seoul now?” Nori asked as she twirled around in excitement.

Misun grabbed her so she would stop drawing attention to them. “No one! I'm glad we get a change of scenery though, and we get to do it together which is the best part!”

“Aww you so love me! What do you think this meeting will be about tomorrow?” Nori asked her.

Misun shrugged. “Probably just to get us familiar with our new staff. I can't really see us working on any project this soon, but you never know. Just be ready for anything I guess.”

They found a clothing store and did a little shopping. Misun held a dress up against her. “Yes or no?” Nori was a fashion goddess so she had to have her advice when it came to clothes.

“I love it! It suits your personality.”

Misun lifted her eyebrow. “What personality is that?”

“Well the one you use to have. You use to be fun all the time. Now you're kind of sad, determined and a bit gloomy.” Nori told her honestly.

Misun gasped. “I am not gloomy. Why do you think that?”

“I hate to bring this situation up but look at how you treated Shownu!”

Misun lifted her hand to her heart dramatically. “I apologized for that! Plus I had just got out of a relationship. I was sad.”

Nori grinned at her. “Finally you admit what I've been trying to get you to see. No, you didn't need to be with Chris but it still broke your heart to see it end and there's nothing wrong with that. It's okay to not be okay sometimes.”

Misun tears up a bit. “I feel like I have to be in control of my feelings all the time. I don't know how it feels to really let go.”

Nori rubs her back gently. “You're so strong but sometimes you need to let someone be strong for you. That's what I'm here for. What are you scared of?”

“I'm scared of love. I'm scared of letting people in. They always disappoint me, and it's exhausting.” A tear rolls down her cheek. She hurries and wipes it away.

Nori pulls her down to a nearby bench. “I never knew you felt like that, Sun.”

Misun shrugs. “You're one of the only people that have never hurt me. As great as Chris is, even he hurt me.”

“I don't get it. How?”

“All I needed from him was patience and unwavering faith but he didn't do either. I have all these big expectations of people and they never live up to it.” Misun revealed.

Nori wiped her tears off of her face. “You guys just weren't right for each other. No one is perfect and no one will ever live up to your expectations the way you want them to but you don't push people away who are trying to be there for you. Love is wonderful when it's with the right person and someday it will find you and it will be bliss, baby girl. Okay?”

Misun cracked a small smile. “It feels good to finally open up to you about this. I guess I just needed time to process mine and Chris' breakup. Thank you for being there for me.”

“That's what I'm here for!” Nori kissed her forehead and pulled her into another shopping store.

Misun stopped her for a second. “I know you really like Jooheon and I feel like you're holding back because of me. You shouldn't do that. I'll find my way but you need to find yours too. Call him.”

“Are you sure? I just have this dream of me, you, him and Shownu all hanging out together and having so much fun. I can't have that dream without you, Sun!”

Misun smirked. “Then you create a new dream.”

“I don't think so. You and Shownu will be friends even if it's the last thing I ever do. I'm making it my mission!”

Misun rolled her eyes. “Girl, I'm lucky if that boy ever even looks at me again.”

The Next day's meeting

The ladies walk into the creative projects room. They notice that the president isn't in there. It's about five unfamiliar faces staring at them as they find a seat at the table that the others are already sitting at.

A lady nods at them. “So, how does it feel to be apart of an actual entertainment team?”

“I'm having a lot of feelings about it.” Misun answered honestly.

The lady smirked. “Are you nervous yet?”

“Well I wasn't at first but I'm starting to feel it creeping up now.” Misun took a deep breath.

“No need to be nervous. Just be ready.” The lady finished.

Nori smiled big. “We're always ready!”

“Good, because your first project starts this Saturday!” She informed them as she handed them an itinerary.

Misun felt a huge lump in her throat. She didn't expect to already be working. She figured they would start with training and then gradually get to this point. “What exactly is the project?”

“There's a charity event happening this weekend and a lot of idols will be there giving back to the community. This will be held for sickly children who wouldn't normally be able to attend a concert in this nature.” She explained.

Misun gave Nori a peculiar look. “So where does that leave us? What do we do there?”

She grinned at them. “You'll be apart of the red carpet experience. The boss thinks you can handle a few interviews so we're testing you out.”

Nori's eyes brightened. This was right up her alley. “Will this be televised?”

“For sure! Good luck ladies. These guys will give you a few tips with media training for the next three days. Knock em dead. The boss will be watching closely.” She got up from her seat and left the room.

Charity Event

Misun’s outfit: 

Nori’s outfit: 

The ladies had been training left and right over the past few days trying to get ready for this event. They had never been on a red carpet before especially when everything was live and there was no room for them to edit out things that could be redone.

“Nori, are you okay?” Misun asked her as she grabbed her hands and turned her to face her.

Nori started to hyperventilate. “I can't breathe!”

“You've got to calm down. You never get nervous.”

“What if I mess us up? The president may drop us before we even get started good! He's watching everything we do. It's too much pressure. I can't do this.” Nori rambled on.

Misun shakes her hard. “Snap out of it! You have no reason to be nervous. The boss believes in us, otherwise he wouldn't have given us such a big opportunity. We are here representing Ktown Entertainment and we are going to do a hell of a job! We got this!”

Nori's breathing starts to level out. “Okay. I think I'm fine now.”

A few minutes pass and one of the production directors walks the girls to their post. They stand there with their mics waiting for the Idols and stars to start coming down the red carpet. There were so many interviewees waiting. This was the biggest opportunity of their lives and they couldn't screw it up. There were so many fans behind the barriers waiting on their favorite stars to pass by, and so many photographers waiting to catch candid moments. The ladies noticed the stars start to pile in. They did a few interviews and felt like true naturals as this point. The stars were being so nice and respectful towards them and everything was flowing as it should. They were truly proud of themselves. As Misun flipped a bit of her hair out of her face she noticed familiar faces walking towards them.

“Is it just me or are they walking in slow motion?” Misun said to Nori.

At this point Nori hadn't even noticed that Monsta X were about to be their next guests. “How do I look?” She asked quickly as she fixed her clothes on her a bit.

Misun giggled a bit. “You look fine. Keep it professional!”

Monsta X finally made it to them.

“One of our favorite groups! Monsta X! Do your intro!” Misun says excitedly.

“Hoot! We are Monsta X!” They all say together.

“Yes! Y'all look amazing today! Not that you don't look amazing always.” Nori complimented.

Misun nodded. “You guys came walking in like kings. I love the confidence!”

“Thank you ladies. Y'all are too kind.” Changkyun said with a smile. The others simply nodded.

“We know y'all are very caring people. How does it feel to be performing on this type of platform?” Misun asked.

Shownu swallowed before speaking. “It feels wonderful. Being able to perform and interact with these kids is going to be amazing. They don't normally get the chance to come out to see idols because they're sickly so this will be good for them but truly better for us. Making people happy is what we love to do.”

“You guys have such big hearts and it seems so genuine.” Misun added.

Kihyun nodded. “We really do. We realize that if it weren't for every single one of our fans we wouldn't be where we are today so any chance that we get to give back to them we take advantage of it.”

Nori smiled big. “I think that's what makes everyone fall in love with you guys. We love the bad boy act but when you find guys with such duality, it drives us nuts!”

The guys all laughed a bit.

“Thank you so much for talking to us and good luck onstage!” Misun told them with a sincere smile. She locked eyes with Shownu for a moment then he quickly looked towards the camera for their picture.

A while later the red carpet event was over and the concert was about to begin. The girls had backstage passes and stood in front of the barrier separating the stage from the guests attending the concert. They felt so important.

“You seemed so natural with them.” Nori revealed to her.

Misun had zoned out for a moment but turned and looked at Nori when she made that statement. “Who? Monsta X?”

Nori nodded with a smile. “It was like nothing ever happened.”

“I was just being professional. I wanted them to be as comfortable as possible. I'm sure I’m the last person they wanted to talk to so I had to put on for the cameras.” Misun answered with a slight smile.

“It was more than that though. It felt genuine on your part. I've decided to try and find Jooheon after the concert. I want to have a real conversation with him face to face.” Nori told her.

Misun smiled big. “You should! I think he really wants to get to know you and since we live here now, more friends wouldn't be such a bad thing.”

“I'm glad you said that cause I want you to talk to Shownu. I know you're not ready to date but you said it yourself, we need friends here.”

Misun shook her head. “it's not that I don't want to talk to him it's just I don't know how. I never told you this but I sent him a text that night after the club and he never responded.”

“Well if you talk to him in person he has no other choice but to give a response.”

Misun shrugged and bobbed her head to the music banging from the speakers.

“I'm gonna text him and see if he will meet us after the concert.” Nori tells her as she pulls her phone out of her clutch purse. She showed Misun the text she sent him.

Misun smiled. “I think he'll hear you out. You were trying to be a good friend to me, he can't blame you for that!”

Nori exhaled loudly. “I don't know, he didn't talk in the interview. At least Shownu actually said something.”

“Don't overthink it. Once you explain to him why you haven't spoken with him he will forgive you and y'all will hang out and then he will fall in love and y'all will live happily ever after!” Misun told her.

Nori's stomach begins to flutter. “The best love story ever!” She yelled a bit. Her phone vibrated in her hand. “I can't open it!” She handed the phone to Misun quickly.

The MC of the show introduced Monsta X onto the stage. They began to perform one of their new songs.

Misun opened the message and frowned. “I'm so sorry Nori.” She said with a sad expression on her face.

Nori snatched the phone away from her. She sighed in relief when she noticed that Misun was just playing around with her.

“I think you may be eye candy right now.” Misun winked.

Nori scrunched her forehead. “What are you talking about?”

“Jooheon can't seem to keep his eyes off of you.” Misun smirked and continued dancing to the song.

Nori looked up to the stage and caught Jooheon's glimpse. She immediately looked away. “He's making me nervous. I really wish he would look somewhere else!”

“He wants to love you, he wants to touch you.” Misun sung in her ear playfully.

Nori slapped her away. “Stop, you're not making it any better!”

“He wants to hold you, he wants to kiss you. One day he'll marry you!” Misun kept joking around with her.

Nori covered her face. “I feel like a school girl with a crush. Stop it!”

“Okay, I'll stop but the way he's looking at you I think he's already forgiven you.” Misun smiled at her.

The concert finally ended and the ladies switched out of their fancy clothes and put on some more comfortable clothes.

Misun: 

Nori: 

They headed to Monsta X's dressing room.

“Promise me you'll at least try to talk to Shownu and make things right?” Nori asks her.

Misun looked away. “i can't promise that.” She whined.

“Please? You owe it to him. You hurt his feelings so you have to make him feel better.” Nori told him with a smile.

“Okay, you win. I'll try.” They knocked on the door.

Jooheon opened the door and came out. “You wanted to talk?” he kept a stern look on his face.

Nori was taken back a bit. “Yeah. What happened at the club? I feel like I know but I need to hear it from you.”

Jooheon looked away for a moment. “I guess it just was a shock to see you there. You don't owe me anything at all I just thought we connected a little bit but I was wrong and I can't be mad at you for that.”

Nori rubbed his arm. “We did connect. Honestly I just didn't contact you because I've been really busy and the fact that Misun is going through some things and I didn't want to involve you in this mess until it was over. I'm sorry.”

Jooheon's face brightened a bit. “Well it's nice to know that I wasn't imagining the chemistry between us. I knew you were flirting with me!” He said with a wink.

Nori hit his arm. “Don't get carried away!”

Misun tapped on Jooheon's shoulder. “Could I maybe get you to do me a HUGE favor?”

Jooheon nodded. “Depends on what it is but probably.”

“Can you convince Shownu to come out here? Don't say I'm out here though because he won't come if you do.” She asked. She was doing what needed to be done and she was nervous. She didn't think she had ever been this anxious. She was scared of his response. She was scared of the silence.

Jooheon entered the room.

“I can't lie I'm so scared. I'm happy for you though! I told you he wouldn't be hard on you!” Misun hugged up to Nori.

“I kind of wanna hang out with them after this. Like grab a bite to eat!” Nori revealed.

Misun nodded. “Yeah well if Shownu still hates me after this you'll be going by yourself.”

The door suddenly flew open and out walked Shownu. When he noticed Misun he immediately turned to Jooheon. “What the hell man?”

Jooheon stopped in his tracks. “I'm sorry, she wants to talk to you. Maybe you should hear her out.”

Shownu shook his head. “I told you I'm good.”

Misun tapped his back. “I know I don’t deserve any favors from you. I just want to talk. Please just give me two minutes?”

Shownu stared daggers at Jooheon. “Whatever. Hurry up, times running out.”

[joeybelle]

Oh, how the tables have turned -- Part 3

Clyde Logan x Reader

Inspired by @clyde-prompts: “Some guys are rude and use ableist slurs against Clyde. The reader is with them, and although she feels bad about what’s happening, is too scared to say anything in front of her “friends”. She comes back to the bar a couple nights later to try and show him she’s not a bad person. They get to know each other and fall in love”. Doesn’t fully follow the prompt

Warnings: Language, first person POV, driving under the influence cause I assume everyone does it in that movie, IDK what I’m doing.

Rating: Mature

Setting: Pre-Heist

Tags: @lonelyravenclaw​ @kyloren-supreme-ben​ @onmyknees4steve​ @elsablackswift​ @helloimindelaware​ @mwcritics

A.N: I’ve decided to slice this fic into 3000-ish words parts for people to be able to scroll past it without much annoyance. Pert 3 ended up being much longer than expected, so i had to cut it into two parts somewhere in the middle. It’s not perfect, but you’ll be getting both parts today. When I finish editing. Might take a while. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy the story. Feel free to drop me a line anytime or just message me if you wanna squee about Clyde Logan in general.

Rejection is always a tough pill to swallow. It wasn’t the first I’d gotten rejected and it certainly wouldn’t be the last, but it still didn’t go down easily. I found myself moping at home the next few days, following what I’d gotten used to calling the ‘series of unfortunate events’ related to Clyde Logan. Not that I had that many alternatives anyway, being a friendless nobody in a small town, but this time it felt self-imposed.

In the meantime I cut the grass in my yard and discovered a few rose bushes that were beautiful, but mean to my hands, I watched how the living room ceiling started leaking one rainy afternoon, signalling a pretty serious hole in the roof, nearly broke my neck going into the basement because there was a missing step I hadn’t seen before; I opened the vodka bottle all by myself and realized that he had been right, drinking alone wasn’t fun at all, but I was doing it anyway to hide my shame; I ate ice cream and binged Netflix shows for the rest of the week.

But there’s a limit to how much time you can spend alone at home before starting to go insane. I reached mine the next weekend and for a moment I considered paying Mellie a visit, but then I remembered the whole Clyde ordeal and I decided against it. I was sure that he’d told her everything and I really didn’t feel like talking about it. It was bad enough that I was beating myself up over it, I didn’t need someone else to rub it in. So, since the Duck Tape was off-limits for obvious reasons, and I didn’t feel like exploring for another bar in the neighbourhood I was left with only one option: the country fair.

I used to really love country fairs and carnivals and all that when I was a teenager, but it was probably because I’d be with my friends and there would be booze and food and we’d just be stupid together. I wasn’t sure I’d find them as charming nowadays, but at least I’d be moping outside, in public, which was an improvement to being secluded in my own home, waiting for another rain to invade the living room through the ceiling. So I showered, dressed like a semi-decent swamp witch and went to the damn thing.

As expected, the country fair didn’t impress me at all but it was a way to kill a few hours while feeling like less of a hermit than usual. I ate something, tested some insanely sweet drinks, and stuffed my face with enough ice cream to endanger my health, so in the end I found myself sitting on a bench, dangerously close to a food coma, with nothing better to do than to watch the crowd. Other people seemed to have way more fun than me. There were couples holding hands, parents with their kids, teenagers in groups visiting attractions and Clyde Logan with a blonde kid attached to his arm. Wait, what?

I have to say, this was the last place I had expected to see Clyde Logan. In my head, country fairs didn’t really fit his style (because I had spoken to him twice and I knew all there was to know about the man, obviously), and I assumed he’d be too busy with the bar to come to one anyway. I remembered that it was pretty early and the bar probably wasn’t open yet, but his presence in my field of vision was still unexpected.

I sighed dramatically and leaned back, arms crossed over my chest. Speak about bad luck, I thought. I came here to avoid him and here he was, swinging a blonde kid on his very toned arm. Actually, I didn’t mind the view. He was distracted by the kid and far enough not to notice my staring, so I indulged in it for a moment. There’s no harm in looking, right? Especially when he was wearing a dark, short-sleeved shirt that seemed at least a size too small, the buttons threatening to give in anytime he flexed his muscles while lifting the little girl in the air. His niece? Maybe. She seemed vaguely familiar, so I assumed she had been part of the onslaught of school kids that were sent to visit the college I worked at. Or maybe she was his kid. I had no way of knowing for sure.

Whatever the case, he looked really good doing it. He was smiling for a change. An open and honest smile lit up his usually somber face, and I just couldn’t look away. I caught myself wishing he would smile at me like that, but then I realized that we were practically strangers and I hadn’t made the best impression the first time we met. And since he clearly rejected me, I had to get over this crush ASAP if I wanted to live peacefully in this town.

The little girl let go of his arm and ran back to a couple that, after a bit of squinting, I recognized to be Jimmy Logan and his sister Mellie. They both looked different—after all it had been more than a decade since I’d last seen them—but not so much that I didn’t recognize them. Jimmy lifted the girl in the air and kissed her, then put her down and looked straight at me with a shit eating grin on his face. The feeling was similar to being punched in the gut. I remembered that in another life I’d dreamed of Jimmy Logan looking at me with a smile, but right now the only thing I felt was panic, so I decided to get the hell out of there before Mellie noticed me and I’d have to be part of a very awkward conversation.

But luck definitely wasn’t on my side today, because the little girl started running towards me yelling ‘Miss’ at the top of her lungs. Oh, now I recognized her: she was the pageant girl. Really smart kid, very bubbly and friendly, talked my ear off during the college tour. Her favourite subject was, of course, pageants.

“Hi!” I said, when she stopped in front of me, grinning from ear to ear. “You must be… uhhh… uhhhh.” Crap. I had been calling her pageant girl in my head for so long that I’d forgotten her name.

“Sadie!” she helpfully reminded me.

“Sadie, right. How are you today?”

“Good. Daddy brought me to the fair to see the auctioneers. And later uncle Clyde will win me a unicorn.” I did my best not to steal a glance at Clyde at the mention of his name, not wanting to invite any more attention towards me. Hopefully I’d be able to get out of here before the adults ganged up on me.

“Awesome!” I said, panic clearly noticeable in my voice, because Jimmy Logan was rapidly approaching (despite his visible limp) with Mellie following closely. “It was nice seeing you today, Sadie, but I have to go now. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for your unicorn.”

“Aw, leaving already?” She looked genuinely sad and I felt bad for her, but I felt even worse for myself, so I had to go.

“Yeah, leaving already? Without even saying hello?” Jimmy caught up to us before I was able to disappear, so I put on my most believable fake smile and hoped for the best. “Come on, don’t be a stranger, Baby,” he said, pulling me into a hug.

“Well, I kinda thought I was,” I mumbled, but returned the hug. He seemed like a nice person, plus I’d held him on a pedestal for so many years that I could indulge in a hug.

“Daddy, why are you calling her baby?” Sadie aske, giggling.

“Cause that’s her nickname,” he said, ruffling her hair. He explained to her that I’d been called baby ever since I was little, but she had to be polite and call me by my real name. The kid giggled again and I mouthed ‘I hate it’ which made her laugh harder, before turning to face her dad once again.

“I am surprised you know that. I lived under the impression that you had no idea who I was,” I said, going to hug his sister. “Hi Mellie, long time no see.” In hindsight, I should have kept my mouth shut and pretended we were at least acquaintances. And although I knew it could be interpreted that way, I wasn’t bitter that he never acknowledged me in my teens—after all, it was just puppy love and it had been a decade since then—but I was curious what had prompted this sudden display of familiarity. If anything, I would have expected Mellie to come alone to say hi.

“Hiya, sweetheart. It’s good to have you back.” She warmly returned my hug.

“What do you mean I had no idea who you were? You’ve been coming to my games since you were twelve and cheered louder than the whole cheerleading squad.” That was true. “How could I not know my biggest fan?”

“So you what, ignored me on purpose?” I said, arching an eyebrow.

“Well, it’s not like I did it on purpose,” he said and laughed. His laugh was still the same as I remembered, loud and contagious. “But my brother here had the biggest crush on you and I just didn’t wanna make him more jealous.” Well, this was unexpected.

Clyde had conveniently stayed out of my line of sight, keeping his distance, but now I turned to look at him. Never in my life had I seen anyone blush so furiously in a matter of seconds, his whole face even his ears becoming a deep shade of red. He was glaring at Jimmy who seemed really unfazed by it.

“Is that so?” I pressed, feigning innocence, but deep inside me there was a little devil laughing maniacally. I mean, I was aware that it wasn’t very nice of me, but I was feeling a tiny bit of petty satisfaction knowing that I wasn’t the only one embarassed by the whole situation. Misery loves company.

“Yeah, he only ever came to my games to see you cheer,” Jimmy said, same shit eating grin plastered on his face, seeming completely oblivious to his brother’s discomfort.

I smiled back but wonder what Jimmy’s motive was. Talking to me out of the blue, after never acknowledging me before, snitching on his brother in a matter of seconds. I knew he was insanely loyal to his family, so why sell him now?

On the whole, the situation was beyond comical. Jimmy was grinning, Clyde seemed set on killing him with a glare, Sadie attached to his arm again asking ‘Is that true, uncle Clyde’ over and over again until he finally mumbled something that sounded like ‘It was a long time ago’. He looked at me like a deer (or a moose) caught in the headlights and I could feel my own cheeks burning. I was in hell.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me about this?” I asked Mellie, who stood next to me, arms crossed and an amused smile playing on her face.

“‘Cause he’s a bit of a coward and you were infatuated with my other brother,” she kindly explained.

“Right.” Made sense. I still felt like something that I should have known about back then— who knows, I might have liked him back—or you know, forever hold your silence type of thing. But knowing this now explained a lot of things.

Now that the petty satisfaction that I had felt for embarrassing him had died down a little bit, I understood why Clyde rejected me and didn’t seem to react to my flirting. If someone I had been crushing on in my teens showed up on day, insulted me or trampled on my insecurities then tried flirting with me I would have been much less gracious in rejecting them than Clyde had been. Yes, it had been more than a decade since highschool, and I was pretty sure his crush on me was dead and buried (like the one I used to have on Jimmy), but it was something that could potentially still hurt after years. So once again I was flooded by guilt.

“Well, it was… uhh… fun meeting you guys, but I have to head back now,” I said, getting ready to bail. Enough embarrassment for a day. Served me right for wanting to get out of the safety of my home. Never again.

“Come on, we’ve just met and you wanna leave already?” Mellie said with a disappointed look on her face.

“It’s not that, I just have some things to do at home,” I tried excusing myself. “Give me your phone number and we can hang out another time,” I said fishing my phone out of my pocket.

“The things will still be there tomorrow, but you’re never getting back today,” Jimmy said with a wink.

“Wow, who knew my brother was a philosopher,” Mellie arched an eyebrow at him. I laughed.

“Please, Miss,” Sadie latched onto my hand, pulling me towards the booths. “Daddy said I’ll get to be your guide today, show you around the fair. Pleaaase.” How could you say no to a kid? Big-eyed, freckled, and more full of life than I’d ever been.

I looked over to Clyde who had returned to a somewhat normal shade, although there was still some pink tinting his cheeks. He still seemed highly uncomfortable about this whole thing, his whole body looking tense. I tried imagining what he felt: a week ago he was living a (supposedly) peaceful life and then Baby was back in town and he’d been insulted, hit on and then embarrassed by his brother in front of his family. If I’d been in his place, I would have faked my death and left the country by now.

“I don’t think I should…” I said, hoping that at least one of the siblings would take the hint and leave it be.

“Nonsense!” Jimmy proclaimed, patting me on the shoulder and nudging me towards Sadie. “Come stay with us a while and I promise you’ll have plenty of time to do whatever you were planning on doing.”

“Are you willing to help out?”

“If that’s what it takes…”

I snorted. “Half an hour then I’m gone,” I said, following them towards the booths. I send Clyde an apologetic look, hopefully he wouldn’t be bothered too much by my presence for the next half an hour. He seemed to have regained his composure and was following us closely.

Sadie was still holding my hand as we were mingling into the crowd of people staring at the attractions. She diligently explained to me what everything was, like it was my first time going to a country fair. It was entertaining to watch. She was a really cute kid and honestly, after so many days of self-imposed isolation, it was nice to interact with people in my free time.

“So, how’s it like being back in your hometown again?” Mellie asked, once Sadie ran over to her dad.

“Nice, peaceful.” Or that’s how it should have been, if I’d been a little smarter. “But it’s gonna take a bit of getting used to. It’s definitely keeping me busy. My roof just started leaking, something I never thought I’d have to experience, but hooray for adult life,” I laughed.

“Did you get it fixed?” she asked, a little concerned.

“No, not yet. Called a couple of contractors, but they didn’t have any opening this month.” I sighed. “I don’t have that many contacts in the area, but I’ll keep looking and hope there won’t be rain anytime soon.”

“That sucks,” she said and turned to her brother. “Hey Jimmy,” she yelled, “do you know anyone who can fix a roof?”

“What happened to it?”

“I don’t know,” I answered, truthfully. “It’s just raining into my living room.”

“I can come take a look when I’m free. If it’s not something big I can fix it for you.” He offered.

“Thanks, but…” Was I stupid enough to refuse? Yes.

“You don’t trust my skills?”

“Oh, I do, but I don’t want you to waste your free time fixing my leaky roof.” It wasn’t just that. I generally preferred to work with people I didn’t know, who were paid to do a job and with who I could argue at the end if the job wasn’t done properly. With friends and family, you just accept what you get, smile and then pay someone else to fix it later. Plus, if they refused payment, you’d have to find a way to make it up to them which meant more complications. And in this particular case I knew I shouldn’t be spending more time with Clyde or his family if I wanted my unrequited crush to die anytime soon. But how do I tell Jimmy that, when he seemed so eager to help?

“It’s no problem. I’ll take a look and if it’s something I can’t do, I’ll put you in touch with some people. When are you free?”

“Not sure, my schedule isn’t fully decided yet.”

“Then give me a call and we’ll see what works for the both of us. Clyde gimme your phone.” That earned him a frown from his brother.

“Why? What happened to your phone?” he said on what I guessed was a rather disapproving tone, but handed him the phone nonetheless.

“It’s broken.”

“He forgot to pay for it,” Sadie explained with a giggle.

“I didn’t forget, I’m not paying it in sign of protests to the shitty plan they forced down my throat,” he muttered. “Anyway, what’s your number?”

He punched in the number and gave me a call. I typed the name Clyde but then changed my mind and saved it as ‘Logan Bros’. Clyde never really wanted my number, so it was just a way for me to get in touch with Jimmy if I needed help. I decided to never call it unless the roof caught fire and I was trapped underneath.

The phone went back to Clyde and I saw him fiddle with it a bit, probably saving the number. I wondered what he saved me as. Probably used my real name, since I’d never heard him call me Baby. Although for some strange reason, I wouldn’t have minded even if he did. No matter how much I hated the nickname, I was sure I’d very much enjoy it if he moaned it in my ear as he pulled me closer to his chest and… stop. Restrain yourself, woman.

Sadie kept her promise and was a very good guide, which meant I was now very well acquainted with everything at the country fair. Jimmy had bought us corn dogs and cheesy fries and donuts and refused to let me pay for anything, so I retaliated by buying everyone snow cones and funnel cake. By the time we reached the shooting galleries, I was so full I was ready to burst.

As Sadie was searching the booths for the toy she wanted I bought a bottle of water, hoping to wash away the nausea caused by all that deep fried food I had shoved down my throat earlier. Seeing that Clyde had fallen behind and we could finally be alone for a bit, I decided to go and talk to him.

“Sorry for crashing your family outing,” I said, standing besides him as we both watched Sadie’s quest to find the best toy. “It wasn’t my intention.”

“It’s alright” he said, briefly glancing at me. “I have to apologize for how my brother acted today. I guess he’s just excited that you’re back in town. He doesn’t have that many friends.”

I had to admit that Jimmy Logan being lonely and not surrounded by hordes of friends was something that I would have never imagined. But I could see it now, after all we were both in the same position: two formerly popular kids that had fallen from grace and were now regular nobodies. Most friendships we made in our teens weren’t the kind that lasted a lifetime.

“I’m actually really enjoying this,” I said, trying to open the water bottle and failing. My hands were still very greasy from all that deep fried food. “But don’t tell anyone or I have a feeling I might get friend-dopted by your family and you’ll never get rid of me,” I said with a wink, to which he smiled. An actual smile. Directed at me.

“Lemme help you with that,” he said, noticing my pathetic attempt at opening the bottle. He held it under his left arm, effortlessly unscrewing the cap.

“I’m completely useless” I mumbled retrieving the bottle, and he chuckled.

In the meantime Sadie seemed to have found what she was looking for and dragged both Clyde and me towards one of the booths. She showed him what he wanted and after paying he was given a shabby airgun. I don’t think I’d ever seen anyone look at a rifle with more contempt in their eyes. I was certain he was used to a different type of guns, especially since he had been in the military.

“Piece of crap,” he mumbled, to no one in particular, disgust clear in his voice.

“Welcome to the glamorous world of carnivals, Mr. Logan,” I laughed.

He shot me a dirty look and aimed. He missed the first two targets, but got the other three. It was still quite impressive, I was sure the only thing I’d be able to hit with any rifle would be my foot, especially since everyone knows the games are rigged and the guns aim screwed on purpose. He paid for another round and I kept my fingers crossed. Sadie had climbed onto her father’s shoulders and was cheering from above.

This time he got the first target with very little effort. And the second one. And the third. By the fourth I was probably as excited as Sadie, although a little less vocal. The fifth target came down just as effortlessly as the others and both Sadie and I cheered loudly. The vendor faked excitement and handed him the toy, making a bit of a spectacle to attract other customers. ‘Look everybody, you can win even with one arm!’ he bragged, and I hated him already, but Clyde didn’t even seem to notice.

“Which one do you want?” he asked Mellie, after giving Sadie her toy.

“One of those,” she said, pointing to a bunch of little plushies that could be hanged on the rearview mirror.

“Alright,” he said, and paid for another round. This time, it seemed like he didn’t even have to aim. He just pointed the rifle and the targets went down one after another, to the vendor’s increased irritation and to my delight.

Clyde gave the toy to his sister who thanked him with a kiss on the cheek, then turned to me. “Which one do you want?”

“Me?” I said, taken by surprise. “You want to get me one too?”

Masterlist

Previous Part

Next part

[igotmysteriousmessages]

Rfa and Mc have a discussion and after Mc goes out really sad and disappointed she gets caught in a bad accident. And the Rfa is really sorry. Please write it with an happy end❤️

My first Request!! Thanks :) and sorry it took so long…I kind of got a little carried away with some scenarios and editing took ages…but I hope you like it :)

(Also I might add Saeran’s it’s not spoiler free… I mean I don’t think there are huge spoilers but it’s better not risk it)

MC gets in an accident after a discussion with RFA

Yoosung

It was your first big fight. He was in a bad mood; you had had a rough day too. He buried his feeling into lolol while you arrived needing some of his attention. You yelled at him in frustration, he yelled back.

It escalated quickly and finally you decided to leave his house. Both of you needed time to sort out your emotions before you said something you’d regret later.

Between your tears and all the thoughts clouding your mind you didn’t notice the traffic light changing nor the bus speeding out.

Yoosung regrets the fight in the moment you leave the house but he hesitates; he is not sure if he should let some time pass by for you two to calm down or run right after you.

After a while he picks the second option, but it’s a little late. He finds you just in time to see as you are being carried into the ambulance badly injured and unconscious.

He goes to the paramedics; he tells them he is your boyfriend and begs them to allow him to go with you in the ambulance.

When you wake up in your hospital bed he is right beside you apologizing for his behavior and asking how you are feeling. Even after you tell him it’s not his fault he still feels awful about the fight; it takes you a while to convince him that everything is alright

While you are at the hospital he visits you every day. He arrives right after his classes are over and just leaves after being told the visiting hours are over.

Before leaving he always reminds you to call him whatever happens… and if you do he is probably running to your side even if it’s at 3 am.

Also, no matter how much it pains him to see you in that state. He always wears his biggest smile during his visits and makes sure you don’t get depressed.

When you are finally discharged he reserves the whole day to stay with you and promises to never yell at you like that again.

Zen

You knew Zen was a workaholic but lately he was getting completely out of control. He would wake up at dawn to get to his rehearsals and would only come back home late at night too tired to even talk to you

One day you waited him awake and tried to talk to him about but he felt like you didn’t understand how important his job was. You started arguing but both of you quickly lost the main focus and suddenly you didn’t know what was it about anymore.

You ran away feeling hurt and defeated.

Usually when you two fought he would take a short ride on his bike before remembering how worried you would be about him doing that again… in your angered state you decided to give it a try.

You quickly understood why Zen would do this, as you circled around the neighborhood at top speed all your problems seemed small; you had never felt so free. Then you met a quite sharp turn.

Zen heard the crash from the rooftop and saw a bike that weirdly resembled his collide into a wall.

At first he didn’t understand what was happening but he felt a knot in his stomach. He called out for you just to find out you weren’t home and his motorcycle was gone.

He called an ambulance and quickly ran to the place of the accident.

When you wake up he doesn’t mention the fight nor lets you mention it. That’s not important in that moment. You are safe, you two are together and he is never going to make you feel like that again… and that’s all that matters.

He’ll try to care for you the best of his abilities which mostly means him taking some time off work and giving you lots of affection.

Also you might need to promise him to never ride his motorcycle alone again…who am I kidding? You’ll need to promise that at least a few times before his heart can rest.

Jaehee

You two didn’t argue a lot but when you did fight it quickly got out of control.

It had been a chaotic week. The café had been packed every hour of every day; you had had problems with your coffee provider; your cakes seemed to never rise; after work hours the place was always made a disaster and on top of that Jaehee got mad at you for forgetting it was your turn to clean up the house…couldn’t she notice you had been as busy as she was? You snapped and yelled at her, then without waiting for her to react you left the apartment you both shared.

Jaehee didn’t know what to do. A part of her was still angry; the other knew it had been unfair to take out her stress on you. She took a shower to clear out her head and when she came out she heard her phone ringing.

“Hello, is this Jaehee Kang? I’m calling from Seoul’s general hospital because you are signaled as Miss mc’s emergency contact…is this information right?”

Her heart stops on the spot. Her world starts to crumble down and for a moment she is unable to react… then she realizes there is no time to panic. She somehow answers to the call and calls a taxi to go to you.

At first she can barely look at you so she focuses on talking to the doctor trying to discover what had happened after you discussion and what can she do for you.

Apparently on your way out you took the stairs instead of the elevator and slipped. She felt awful. She had been so close yet she hadn’t been there for you.

The next few days she is completely focused on nursing you till the point you think she forgot about the fight; actually you were beginning to do that too.

One night after you are finally released from the hospital and free of bandages and you two are cuddling in bed she confesses “I was so scared when I heard you got hurt…please, let’s never fight so stupidly again, I’m sorry”

Jumin

The problem with Jumin being so rational was that when you argued you felt like you were fighting alone.

You were trying to explain him that sometimes you felt suffocated having bodyguards following wherever you go. You didn’t really fight but the way he told you it you needed to get used to it felt so cold it hurt more than an actual fight would.

Jumin wasn’t really sure why would you get so angry at his response but he figured out you needed time to calm down and that everything would be alright in the morning; But surprisingly enough sleeping did nothing to calm you down and finding the penthouse all empty in the morning didn’t lift your mood.

That was when you took your decision. You were going to go out on your own.

You told both your bodyguards and driver Kim to take the day off and then you angrily walked through the door without looking back.

You found a park and sit on a bench. You felt so free and calm without having anybody looking at you but after a while you started to feel petty for leaving like that and overall; you started to miss your husband.

Then your cellphone started to ring. You expected it to be Jumin but it was Jaehee instead.

She told you she had received a call from security and before interrupting Jumin’s meeting to tell him she had decided to give you a call to make sure you were ok.

The way she asked you knew she was asking not as part of her job but as a fellow RFA member so you told her everything. After that you felt your pain way lighter to the point you felt ready to fix things with your husband.

You told Jaehee to tell Jumin you’d be back home before him so he shouldn’t worry and started heading back.

Then as you were going through a empty zone of the park you found yourself surrounded by 3 armed men. 2 pointed their guns at you and the other urged you to give him all your valuables.

You slowly handed him your purse along with your necklace and earrings but as you were taking out your wedding ring you hesitated.

In that moment you heard people approaching. The thieves panicked. One fired his gun. Then the 3 of them ran away. The last thing you heard before collapsing were the words “We found her. Contact Mr. Han”

You wake up on a hospital bed with Jumin sitting on a chair besides you. His eyes are puffy and red and huge eye bags hang under them. He also looks paler.

He starts asking questions: what happened? Why did you do something so reckless?

You know he is not really mad at you; just dead worried so you try to explain to him as calmly as you can. He listens without interrupting and just after you finish he answers.

“I know this kind of life is frustrating and I truly understand you’d want your independence… If I insist on having you surrounded by bodyguards is not because I don’t trust you can do things on your own but because I’m scarred something like this might happen and I might lose you…if it is too much to stand it…if you think you’ll be happier that way…You can back off, I won’t stop you… but if you want to stay with me… I’d like you to stay with me”

“We’ll make this work…together” you extend your hand to catch his and you know it’s true.

Saeyoung

Saeyoung and you did bicker a lot, but it never lasted long.

The real reason he got mad was not the fight itself it was because after you two started yelling Saeran had gone to find out what was happening and in your angered state you had answered why were you mad at his brother.

Saeyoung felt like you were putting his brother against him and told you that if he was such an awful boyfriend you could leave in such a cold tone you really believed he wanted you to go away… then he went to his office and locked the door.

You started to walk to the door and left the house crying.

Saeran didn’t know what to do.  He didn’t want to interfere in your relationship but he knew how hurt Saeoyung would be if he lose you, so he decide he at least should tell him you had left.

Saeyoung felt awful but decided it was for the best; he knows he hurt you and doesn’t want the chance to do it again… yet he couldn’t stop staring at your contact info on his phone but without daring to call you…after an hour or so he decides to go for a drive.

When he slips into his car he finds your purse.

Now he is dead worried. In your heartbroken state you hadn’t take anything with you. Not your cellphone nor money and  It’s late at night…he had assumed you had called a taxi and were at the apartment or at another member’s house… but all those places were far away …where are you?  Are you ok?

He practically runs back into his office and starts hacking into the street security cameras. He tells himself that all he needs is to see you arrive to a safe place. Instead he watches impotently as a man grabs you from the back with the intention to mug you and as you show him you got nothing on you he buries a knife in your middle and runs away.

You are not that far from his house. He hops back into the car and speeds up to find you. When he finds you, you are unconscious but he is glad you are still alive.

You wake up in the morning with your wound bandaged and on Saeyoung’s bed but there is no signal of him sleeping there.

“Saeyoung? Saeran? Is someone around?” you ask tentatively at the empty room and hear the twins talking outside. Saeyoung still not wanting to see you after your fight.

The door opens and Saeran pushes his brother inside before quickly leaving.

He doesn’t dare to get close to you. He just shyly asks how you are feeling. It’s awkward and uncomfortable. Neither of you knows how to continue so after that you are left in silence.

After a while he starts crying and apologizing, he never wanted you to go away, much less to be in danger. No matter what you tell him it’s not until you try to get out of the bed to go comfort him that he snaps out of it and starts listening to the fact that you aren’t mad anymore.

He retails that you shouldn’t leave the bed; you need to rest to recover so you tell him you need your boyfriend to cuddle with you to feel better; he smiles at you and obliges as he promises to himself he’ll never let a silly fight go so much out of control again.

Jihyun

Firstly, one of my main headcanons for Jihyun is that it is almost impossible to get into a big fight with him. Like sure, small arguments that end up after a few minutes, yeah! That happens. But this guy almost never loses control.

In that sense I think arguing with him is very similar to Jumin’s case, not because he acts too rational though, but because he remains calm no matter what…so I guess that would be the real problem here.

You two were arguing about something without much importance, what made you storm out the room wasn’t the matter of your discussion but his refusal to acknowledge you anger towards it.

He feels the need to fix things with you right after you close the door so he hurries up to follow you.

Since you are still angry you don’t slow down as he calls out for you but start walking faster.

You saw the truck advancing towards you but you thought you could run fast enough to get to the other side of the street before it passing by; when the driver saw you he tried to slow down but still he couldn’t avoid hitting you.

Jihyun watched all of this unfolding and felt his heart break as you laid on the street crying in pain.

He called an ambulance and dared to go to you. At first he doesn’t know what to do (this guy probably doesn’t know much of first aids and definitely is scared of worsening the situation while trying to help) so he starts to talking to you to keep you conscious till professional help arrives.

He tells you how much he loves and appreciates you, he promises everything will be alright, he reminds you he will always be there for you even if you are angry at him and is just very sweet to you; you can work things out later, right now his biggest concern is your wellbeing.

While you are at the hospital he is with you all time and makes sure you are as comfortable as possible.

He doesn’t mention the fight till weeks later. One day you are just hanging out at home and he asks you about that night. Now that you are both calmer you explain him what bothered you and he explains you that is part of his personality and that it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t acknowledge your feelings.

Saeran (Spoilers ahead)

After you two left mint eye and started dating you knew there were going to be bad days. Nobody gets magically cured of his trauma just because they are in love… especially not somebody that has gone through that much pain. You tried to be comprehensive and supportive; to not let those awful things he told you when he was at his worst get to you. You knew he didn’t mean that. He loved you with all his heart…Yet some of those days were too much for you.

He said something he shouldn’t have; something that touched a very sensitive scar in your heart.

He didn’t know you were insecure about that. Even though a part of him wanted to hurt you he didn’t imagine you would react so strongly to his comment; when he saw you running away from him and in tears he felt like the biggest jerk in the world.

He didn’t feel in the right to follow or call you to apologize but as the storm outside got worse he started to get worried

His most rational part told him to check the chat room… if you wanted to get away your first option would be stay with another RFA member, wouldn’t it be? But there was no trace of you in there. Nobody knew anything either.

As a signal, his phone rang. It was Saeyoung.

“Hey… I don’t know how to tell you this, but after what you said in the chatroom I hacked into the hospital’s database… just to be sure…and well…I’m on my way to your house right now, you’ll need a ride”

He didn’t answer. He wasn’t even able to move. When his brother arrived he was still standing on the same spot with the cellphone on his hand.

He didn’t say it but he was glad he didn’t have to go there alone. When he was taken into your hospital room and saw you all bandaged and connected to a bunch of machines trying to keep you alive his heart almost stopped.

He sat beside your bed as the doctor explains him you were taken in after a tree that had collapsed due to the storm fell over you. They weren’t sure if you were going to make it. Saeyoung hugged him.

“It’s ok…she is strong…she’ll get better…I know it” he held your hand and promised to not let go of it till you wake up.

He didn’t cry till the moment he felt your hand moving under his and then saw your confused eyes opening.

“Saeran…? Where am I? What happened?”

“I’m sorry MC… I really am… I promise I’ll never talk to you like that again… please never get yourself in danger like that…sorry” he kept rambling and apologizing for a solid minute. He was just so scared; both of losing you and you hating him.

You remember your fight and in all honesty you are still a little hurt, but you also know how deeply sorry he is. You forgive him.

After that he is all over you. Till you recover you are not allowed to do anything but rest and being pampered by your doting boyfriend.

[scorpio-karma]

Your top 10 favourite WoCs in TV shows?

Sorry I’m getting to this late, but I was at work when I got it and I work long hours also I’m usually tired after, especially for this ask. I always knew peripherally that there aren’t that many WOC are on TV, but this ask kinda made realize exactly how few.

Now it’s been a hot minute since I’ve watched TV in general, except for a few select shows here and there it’s been about 3 years since I’ve watched a new show and that includes Netflix because I don’t have Netflix so this was a particularly hard question because I had to a) remember what I used to watch in TV when I watched TV and b) were there WOC on that show? The answer to that question was often no (Charmed, Supernaural,) and then if they did have WOC I had to think did I like that character and the answer to that was also no (Dreama from Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Emily from Life With Derrick).

So in no particular order just the order I thought of them in, here’s my top 10 WOC in TV:

1. Bonnie Bennett from Vampire Diaries 

I kind of put her on here begrudgingly because though I absolutely love her character she’s a character you have to love in spite of the writing. You can find many a meta from me and many others on how badly she was treated, so I’m not going to get into that and focus on the reasons I like her. For one she’s a witch which as a quality in general doesn’t count for much unless you’re me and absolutely love witches and have watched a lot of things specifically because there’s a witch in it. It’s literally the only reason I watched Charmed and Sabrina the Teenage Witch as a kid. So due to that fact she was always going to be my favorite character. Two she’s the most practical which again is not trait that means that much unless you’re me. It’s a quality I’ve always valued in characters and is probably the biggest reason why I hate Elena and characters like her. And lastly she was a character who was just teeming with potential which is why I spend so much time talking about her. 

2. Qetsiyah from Vampire Diaries

I also put her on this list begrudgingly and love her for the same exact reasons as I love Bonnie except for one add addendum, she’s played by Janina Gavankar, my girl crush. She to me is one of the most beautiful women on the planet, so pretty much anything she’s in I am biased, but I do love what she adds to anything she’s in. She has this presence that I don’t quite know how to describe, but she always has my attention. She’s is such a force of nature and I guess I love this role specifically because she is a force of nature–the entire show’s lore is ingrained in this character. When I think about season 5 and how shit it was I realize that what I remember the most and in the greatest detail is her–she for me was the only good thing about that season. 

3. Rachel Pirzad from Alphas

Most of my followers probably have no idea who she is as this was a short lived show on Syfy and I honestly only watched it because I had a crush on Ryan Cartwright at the time. If I’m ever into some obscure show that’s usually the reason. Anyway from that show my favorite characters were Gary (Ryan Cartwright’s character) and Rachel the girl with the ability to enhance her senses. Not only was she beautiful but I identified with her character a lot in being introverted, and her issues with people touching her, plus I loved how they incorporated her family and how that effected how she approached the world. She was often scared with legitimate reason to especially as a Iranian woman in the U.S, but was brave as well.

4. Tia and Tamera from Sister Sister

Now this is really bringing y’all way back, but when I think about shows that shaped my childhood this one sticks out in a big way. I don’t know if this phenomenon has ended but I remember as a kid Twins being a big deal in the entertainment world. Mary-Kate and Ashley, Zach and Cody, that basketball twin movie on Disney channel, that other model twin movie on Disney Channel, The Parent Trap, the list could go on. I don’t see this as much any more but I also don’t watch children’s TV anymore. And of that era my favorite set of twins was Tia and Tamera, and not necessarily because they were black and the only ones I could identify with, but because they were the only ones I found consistently entertaining. The draw from them wasn’t that they were twins, sure that was the premise of the show, but that wasn’t what the entire show was about past the first season. The majority of their shenanigans didn’t revolve around “we look exactly the same” it actually spent a lot more time on their differences and individuality. 

5. Mona Thorne from Half & Half

Another one that’s from way back. A character from a show on a channel that doesn’t exist anymore. This is a character I liked for two reasons. One, she was then underdog which for me in general is kinda an automatic like from me, and two I identified with her on many levels. If you don’t know the premise of the show it’s about two half sisters who reconnect later in life. Their related through their father who’s very rich and had very different childhoods due to this. I identified with Mona because that was essentially kind of my childhood. While my dad isn’t rich but definitely lives in a income bracket higher than me and my mom I understood what is was like watching my half-siblings live a more privileged life than me. I was a lot less bitter because I understood living in a higher bracket meant living with my dad which I didn’t want, but she was one of those characters that spoke to me.

6. Bessie Lovin from Damnation

A recent one, finally. I quite love how her character and story was handled. She’s a whore, but her value is in her intelligence. She has her own story arc and unlike a lot of shows, for a secondary character you learn a lot about her. Plus her relationship with Creeley was just the sweetest thing. I even made an edit about it. She was hands down my favorite character of the short-lived series.

7. Astrid Finch from The Tomorrow People

Another one I put on here kind of begrudgingly because the show she comes from isn’t that great, but when I think about her impact years later I realize she and John (my ship) were the best part of the show and the only two I actually wonder about since the show was cancelled. 

8. Geena Fabiano from Unfabulous

I’m putting her on here tentatively because while the actress is a WOC the character is not, or at least had no indications of being anything other than Italian. I’m one of the few people who really liked Anna on TVD and she is the entire reason why. Honestly the only reason I ever watch TVD in the first place was because I recognized Nina from Degrassi and the only real reason I stayed for the rest of the season (let’s be honest S1 is really cheesy) was because I recognized other actors from shows/movies I used to watch like Jasmine Guy from A Different World, Kelly Hu from X2, and Malese Jow from Unfabulous. I guess what I loved about her is how confident and outspoken and how completely fearless she was to be herself. She made for a great best friend for Addie, but in a weird twist of events because I usually root for the underdog, I wanted a show about her instead of Addie. I mean she just did a whole lot more than Addie.

9. Skye/Daisey Johnson from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

She’s a character I didn’t like that much at first and that’s because in the beginning she’s set up like a literal Mary-Sue. I’m not talking about the loose term used, I’m talking about the origin of Mary Sue. In the pilot she’s set up like those fanfics where an person is dropped in some universe and gets to live out their dream of seeing Superman, or something to that effect, and those are just not my cup of tea, I didn’t even finish the season, I didn’t actually pick up the show again until the show was well into season 4, but she grew on me. In a weird way I do kinda miss her season 1 self, but I understand why she’s not–she’s had quite a bit of development over the years, she’s no longer the naive optimist anymore which is more my speed as a character because I like pragmatism in characters. She does annoy me from time to time when she doesn’t do the practical thing, but I realize emotions rule people’s decisions a lot more than logic.   

10. Rosa Diaz from Brooklyn Nine Nine

She is literally the epitome of qualities I like in characters. She’s for one badass, very pragmatic, but I love about her most is that even with all of that she’s not a robot. There’s a balance to her character you don’t get to see often with characters like this which is what I identify with because I’m quite apathetic but at the same time empathetic which is a weird contradiction but I’m full of them. She’s kinda a contradiction but it seems to go together seamlessly.

Honorable mentions:

1. Lana Lang from Smallville

Weirdly I don’t hate her, and I say that because she has a lot of qualities of a character like Elena Gilbert, constantly the Damsel in Distress, but anyone who watched Smallville would know that if you’re not Clark Kent every character is essentially a damsel in distress, so that’s not really a quality that can be annoying in that context. Another thing that annoys me with Elena is that her actions rarely meet what’s said about her. There’s a lot of over hyping when it comes to Lana’s character as well, but for the most part she met those expectations or clarified that she wasn’t. I found little contradiction with this character. The reason she didn’t make the list for me is that she’s just a little too bland for my liking. 

2. Angela Moore from Boy Meets World

As far as token characters go she’s not a bad representation. Her story lines didn’t revolve around furthering other’s (white) characters development. She wasn’t known as the best friend, or the ugly one. There is an immediate attraction from Shawn to her and even Cory to a degree because he too recognizes her beauty. BMW was a very white show so I’m very sure she was added to meet their diversity quota, but what I liked about that is that she wasn’t added begrudgingly–the was some real effort put into adding her as a character. Plus I like that they didn’t do what shows normally do which is cast the lightest black girl they can find when they’re told they need diversity. They committed to it and then at the same time kinda of not when I think about her break up with Shawn. The only reason she didn’t make it in the top for me is because I don’t really remember much about her. I watched a lot of BMW but I’m very sure I missed a lot of episodes and I can’t quite remember her introduction. Her identifier for me was Shawn’s girlfriend, and I guess I kinda wanted more.

3. Shirley Bennett from Community

Community is one of my favorite shows of all time and I do love Shirley in all her Evangelist glory, but she’s not my favorite. When it comes to community there’s not a single character I hate–they’re all great–but Shirley doesn’t really rank high for me. She’s definitely not a bad representation or even a token character because out of all of them she seemed the most real to me who was the only character who had anything important going on outside of the group. In fact that’s kinda the running gag of the paintball episodes–the show makes the situation so epic and series but the reality is that the real world has things going on and it’s usually shown through her who has children and a husband that takes presidence over them but that never stops her from giving to her all. She’s actually really bad ass. The reason why she didn’t meet the ranking is just that she’s not a character I overly identify with, but she rather represents more someone I know.