#comes from growing up always being a consolation prize

[coockie8]

Anybody else kinda low key struggle with the idea that they are a perceivable being? It does genuinely baffles me every time I'm reminded that people can, and sometimes do, think about me without me actively making myself known. Like what the fuck do you mean I'm not just invisible and people can actually see and hear me? What?

[writeywritey-o3o]

Double Trouble

Ascended Astarion fanfic

- Angsty, Reincarnation, beyond saving, tw:suicide

It had been centuries since Astarion and you ruled the world together as The Ascendent and his Favourite Consort. 

It was nice, at first. Never having to go outside, never having to go hungry, and never fearing death. Astarion had given you all the riches he had promised, everything and anything you desired. Outfits, jewellery, sprawling palaces. You had it all, especially with your love always right beside you. Until he wasn’t. 

More often than not, he would go out to run errands, or take over new lands. He would sometimes come back with 1 or more new spawns hanging on his arm, either for the two of you to use or feed on. As much as the unhappy feeling threatens to bubble up inside you when he ignores you for a menial task, you really couldn’t ask for anything more.

Sometimes you try your luck at asking him to make you a true vampire just like he is, but he always reassures you that there is no need to. Not when you had literally hundreds of servants at your beck and call for whatever you could possibly need. You would tell him how much you missed the sunlight on your face, and the hustle bustle of the city at midday. He usually scoffs and tells you that you aren’t missing much. That staying inside and twiddling away with your hobbies is the best you can do, and laments about how he wishes he could stay inside all day, that even though he can't be burned by the sun anymore, the sweltering heat it brings is barely a consolation prize. 

It reached a point where he made sure every corridor of the sprawling palace you lived in had skylights that were unable to be closed. and had you shunned to one of the rooms during the day and would only come to you at night, almost like he was rubbing it in as to how you couldn’t even stand under the sky without assistance while he came and went as he pleased. 

Slowly you grow tired. Traversing the palace with the help of one of your servants no longer became an issue because you never leave your room. He becomes impatient and demanding, throwing more luxuries at you to make you ‘go back to how you were’. You ignore everything until one day he catches you trying to open the blinds in daylight. He went insane and had you chained to the centre of the room. The chains were long enough for you to just barely reach the heavy drapes. He told you that since you wanted to act like a child then he would give you what you wanted, to never leave that room again. 

You still had the servants, and the decadent meals, and the finest dresses and beds in all the land, but you weren’t happy. Every day seemed to go by in a blur, with him coming in at dusk to dine with you silently, and then again at dawn for more of the same. 

Day by day the soft glow of sunlight around the drapes seemed more and more inviting. Everything could be over in one swoop, if you could just break these chains.

A shatter spell could do just fine. 

But you weren’t a spell caster. You trained your whole life to be a heavy hitter, often killing enemies in a single blow. But ever since you became a spawn you’ve neglected your training, becoming weaker over the years. The cuffs on your wrist rub your skin raw, even through the plush and silk he had custom made to ‘not damage his perfect little spawn’.

You decided enough was enough and started to train in the hours he left you alone. You requested libraries worth of books from your servants, all kinds so as not to raise suspicion and began your work. He noticed the difference and yet the silence during meal times remained. 

“Don't you want to know about my day?” he once asked. 

You only replied with a bland repeat of his question, not even bothering to listen to his answer. That infuriated him. He pulled a dagger on you and threatened to cut your pretty throat open and bring you back just to show you how lucky and ungrateful you were being. When your reaction wasn’t up to par, he trashed your room and commanded a few spawn to clean up afterwards. You could hear the screams of the spawn suffering at his hands because of you the rest of the day. 

Soon at long last the day had arrived. Your scroll had been scribed and all you had to do was use it. You had wanted to enact your plan at midday, quietly while he was out. But you realised the sound the spell made would attract people anyway, so you decided on a different plan. 

In the few hours before he would come in at dawn you had grabbed the candelabra in the middle of the dining table you had in the room and set fire to anything and everything you could. Once you were certain people were taking notice, hearing their footsteps nearing the room, you stood as close to the window as you could, setting the spell off, breaking your chains and flinging open the drapes and the windows as the man himself burst through the doors. He paused at the sight of your room, burned and smokey, just barely making out your silhouette by the window. The first rays of the sun broke through the horizon as he ran through the fire to you.

For a moment, you saw the man you fell in love with in his eyes. Astarion. you whisper a final “I Love You” to that man as the sun catches on you. You revel in the pricking of your skin as you feel the sunlight for the first time in centuries, turning you to ash before blowing away into the wind. 

He reached you just a second too late, touching your hand as you crumbled away, leaving only your dress and jewels behind. 

______________________________________________________________________________

you reincarnated into someone else and you are on a quest to take down The Ascendant. 

______________________________________________________________________________

When you opened your eyes for the first time again, you were in a raggedy old bathtub in a barn. Confused and wet. You don't remember anything from those formative years but you knew what mattered. You were loved.

When you were young, The Ascendant came and took over your town. It was fine at first, until people started going missing. Everyone started to live in fear of being the next one to be kidnapped. It wasn't like no one knew where the people had ended up, but no one wanted to find out either. There were a brave few, who ventured far to his palace on their own to take down The Ascendent, but they never returned.

You weren't born a cleric, or even to parents who were clerics. When you were 15 Jergal came to you in a dream. Appointing you his cleric, and honestly, you just went with it. Jergal was a mostly hands-off patron god, letting you learn whatever you please and bestowing you new powers to train up every now and then while you offered up prayers.

You tried to live quietly, keeping your head down and working your days away praying to Jergal and helping at your parents’ apothecary. You never let your anger spill out, not even to your patron god. It wasn't until one of your friend’s little brothers was taken before you lashed out. You and Your friends agreed to form a party and take him down. You prayed to Jergal, asking him for strength to carry this out. He gave you a blessing in the form of a dagger. 

He was a tyrant, a psychopath. The Ascendant had ruled for long enough. With Jergal’s blessing, you and your party set out to train and take down the Ascendant’s forces slowly.

You and your party enter the city at which he resided after a long and gruelling journey, in his hilltop palace looking down on everyone. The city was grey and foggy in the early morning. You find a place to settle in for the night, taking a long, needed rest after your travels. 

The next morning your party agrees to explore the city for supplies and take a few days to prepare before going in to finish your quest and free the world.

Around the city were many many statues of The Ascendant himself. Which was expected from a man with such a big ego, but other than that, there were many statues of a woman. Her eyes were soft and kind, her hair blowing eternally in the wind, she was dressed to the nines looking endlessly regal. Who was she? Your party members comment on the uncanny resemblance between the two of you, but you brush it off.

You and your party sneak into the Ascendant’s palace, snooping around to learn the layout. All of you enter from different places in pairs to cover more ground. You decided to sneak into the only open window, while the other half of your party members sneak in through the servants quarters. 

The open window led to a room that seemed unfit for a palace. It was black and scorched, a big crater centred the room. Everything else was burned. You and your pair looked around. Where the crater was an ornate coffin, labelled with a scratched out name. Opening the coffin revealed a beautiful dress and jewels. It was probably the most expensive thing you’ve ever seen. Snooping around the rest of the room uncovered half burned letters and books. whoever lived here really wanted to learn how to scribe spell scrolls, and with the crater at the centre of the room, you knew what spell they were trying to scribe. Metal bits sprinkled the floor and the letters seemed to be addressed to what seemed to be a long lost lover. 

Exiting the room, you see what you would more expect from a palace. Gleaming marble floors and columns. Portraits of the same beautiful woman you’d seen statues of all around the city. Some of them were even of the woman pictured next to The Ascendant himself. 

Who was she? 

The older portraits of them together pictured them smiling at each other. Were they in love? The portraits with newer frames looked sad. The Ascendant wasn't looking at her anymore, his face became more and more serious, and her expression followed in suit. The newest portrait you saw was the one in the foyer, once you made your way there. The man in the portrait looked like a ghost at this point. His skin was a sickly white, his eyes sunken in and red, his clothes were a dark red and black. This man seemed a far cry from the earlier paintings you saw. Even the last painting that showed him with the woman was at least a bit brighter than this. You skulked around the rest of the palace, killing spawns who witnessed your machinations and meeting up with the rest of your party. 

When you made your way out of the palace, having mapped out the entire thing and learning where the best entrances and exits are, you decided to exit through the window you had entered. The others in your party snooped around the room a little, revealing a smaller frame covered by a leather cloth that seemed too new for the state of the room. It was a sketch. A sketch of The Ascendant and the woman. A caption was scrawled across the corner of the paper “To my dearest friends. Who could be more in love than them.” 

In love. 

The pair of them had been in love.

Now the letters made more sense. The lover was him. He had changed and his lover no longer recognised him. Someone made a comment about how he’d surely been the one to drive her away while all of you snuck out the window. There was a peculiar ache in your heart when you saw that picture, one that you couldn't put into words. It was almost like you were mourning, but over what?

You spent the rest of your preparation time studying the ascendant. his strengths, weaknesses, his history. His name. The more you read about him the more you felt like you knew him. He defeated his master, Cazador, with his party and his lover. He learnt of the runes in his back and took his master’s place and ascended. Becoming who he is now. The city and everywhere else withered in his rule. He only knew how to take, to consume all there was and leave nothing behind. And you had a feeling he did the same to his lover. Who he named his favourite spawn, his favourite consort, yet never his queen. 

A few days later you returned to the palace, all of you prepared to take down the tyrant. All of you decided that you would sneak in through the main gates, killing anyone in your way until you reached him. 

But the gates were open. and the halls were empty. The four of you made your way deeper into the palace, expecting an ambush, all in vain. When the four of you reached the ritual chambers, he was alone. Sitting on a throne atop what seemed like his coffin. You hung back, letting your party go ahead with hits before you went forward to heal them and get a few hits in yourself.

“Did you really think you could come into my house, poke around, and I wouldn't notice?” his voice rang in the room loud and clear, “I'll give the three of you credit, you are brave. But you're not the first to try, and you won't be the last to fail.”

Three? He must have not seen you yet. 

He offered your party to fight them 3 on 1, winner takes all. Your friends sprung into action throwing spells and hitting him one after the other using up spell slots and energy and getting hit in return. Even as he was being hit, he still went on, telling your party how generous he is, how nice, how brave, how considerate, how much he sacrificed to get to this point. As you watched the fight while healing your friends every so often, you notice he didn't really have any defensive advances. He lets himself get hit multiple times, and only shoots back with offensive spells and blows. 

Your party was fading fast, and from your semi hidden position you couldn't heal them up quick enough. At some point you slipped, and all your friends were down. 

“One more is there? Well come out little mouse, take your turn.” you could hear the laugh bubble up his throat, talking down to you, “I'll even let you start real close.”

As egotistic as he sounded, you knew he was weakened. One more spell could do it. One that wouldn’t miss.

You slowly came out of your hiding space. Tentatively walking towards him, making sure not to get too close while quietly preparing the spell you knew would take him out, Shatter. 

When you finally stepped into the light, you let the spell lose from your lips as you watched his own move incomprehensibly. Had he whispered a name? His eyes widened and in a split second the spell hit him, injuring him enough for him to explode into his gaseous form and fly back into his coffin. The floor cratered around where he stood and all was quiet. 

You took a moment to collect yourself, and jumped into healing your companions. Once they were up and walking, the four of you made your way to the coffin beneath the throne and opened it, ready to stake him, to end it all for good. But he wasn't there. 

“If this wasn't his coffin then, where is it?”

“This palace is huge, it would take us days to find his coffin. and by then he would have regenerated. Lets…”

Your companions’ words were lost as you thought to yourself as to where his coffin could be. In the dungeons? His own quarters? On the roof? 

No.

The burnt room. The coffin in the middle of the crater. It had to be that. It was not broken like the floor beneath it. 

You lept to your feet, telling your party you knew where it should be. There were some disagreements however, so all of you agreed to split up. You spent the rest of your spell slots and healing potions healing everyone and you set off. 

Running through the halls hit you with deja vu, but you’d never been in this palace even before coming in to snoop, so what was that? You followed the portraits and reached your destination. You opened the door and stepped inside. The room looked the same as how you left it. 

Carefully you made your way to the crater, a glint caught your eye, coming from a hole between the coffin’s lid and body. 

Pushing the lid off the coffin this time reveals a dark red heart, around it gold wisps of light floated around in the shape of a man. You remembered how he looked at you before you hit him. His eyes looked so familiar for a second you thought you were looking at the sketch of him and his lover. Happy and blissful. It was like all his defences dropped and he didn't even try to counter your spell. His real name slipped from your lips before you could stop it. 

You unsheathed the dagger Jergal gave you after that and positioned it over the heart. It all ends now.

Piercing his heart, the gold whisps dropped away in what sounded like a relieved sigh. The tears running down your face made you uneasy, why were you even crying over a monster. You knelt next to the coffin taking in everything that just happened, all that you learnt in the past few days.

Soon the footsteps of your party neared you. You stood to face them and all of you burst out laughing. It was all over. 

You spent the rest of the day looting the rest of the building before painstakingly filling every crevice of the palace with explosives, with one specifically right above the coffin with your dagger still embedded. 

Your party gave you the pleasure of lighting the first barrel to blow up the whole place. you took a few moments to send a prayer up to your patron god, Jergal. And spent a few moments sitting with unfamiliar feelings of mourning for this building, for the spawns inside that would perish with it, and for the sketch still hung up in the room. Because whoever was in that picture was forever gone, both of them. 

Whispering a cantrip, you put an end to this story, even if you aren't sure when it really started.

Ignis.

[bloomfish]

so I like the concept of the cookie dough speech. I think, independently, it's a good conclusion for buffy to come to by the end of the series. However, the context... look, it's been pretty thoroughly established throughout the series that buffy and angel will never work. can never work. is it a great romance, does it make me feel for the characters, do i love the angst of it? yes absolutely. but why am I being told, despite being shown the opposite, that there's a chance in hell that buffy will end up with angel? why am I being told continually by the writing across both shows that a codependent teen romance between two people who like... barely know each other is what buffy should aspire to? for the rest of her life?

this insistence is such a detriment to the characters of both buffy and angel. each grew so much on their respective shows. i love both buffy and angel as characters. I love what their relationship means for their past and how it informs their characters moving forward. but god, just leave it there. framing buffy/angel as the truest love that will ever be, automatically eclipsing any other relationship either of them try to have, is honestly not great messaging. personally i will always be affected in some way by my first love, I think that's a normal, relatable experience. But there's no way that love is a viable part of my future, and it wouldn't be healthy for me to think so...

it also takes away from the meaning that people like spike and cordelia might have in their lives because whatever they do, however they grow to love each other, they'll always be 'consolation prize' to... what? buffy's high school relationship with an older guy? no thx

[scratchtovoid]

📓 DAEMYRA FANFIC RECOMMENDATIONS

• Someone You Knew In Another Life by @spreta-invidia - My current obsession. I made this post just for this story! Time travel fix it fics are popular for a reason with the Dance characters but in my opinion this fic does it best. Told from different points of view, this story centers on Aegon III going back in time to tell his parents about the coming war and their own deaths! What follows is deliciously written political scheming, deep discussions of what parenthood means for Rhaenyra and Daemon, and a tender family story that brought tears to my eyes more than once.

Complete || 65 Chapters || M || 176K || (link)

• The Sacrifice and the Sea Dragon by Fayte2008 - As someone who writes alternative fantasy asoiaf fics, I’m deeply partial to any writer that dares to reimagine these characters in new fantasy settings. So discovering this short but delightful tale of Daemon being sacrificed to a sea dragon made me incredibly happy. Written like a fairy tale, this story would not feel out of place in an anthology of Valyrian legends.

Complete || Oneshot || E || 1.7K || (link)

• your ivy grows (now I'm covered in you) by @charlie-leau - Personally I think anything by this writer is well worth your time! But what I love about this story of Rhaenyra facing an unexpected pregnancy is that it delves deep into both her complicated relationship with being a mother and the stigma of childbirth out of wedlock in a world like Westeros. Despite this series being only five chapters long, the Daemon/Rhaenyra love story feels earned at the end!

Complete || 5 Chapters || E || 87K || (link)

• put down that gravestone by darkgods - This fic will always be special to me because it was the fic that really got me into Daemyra fic in the first place! I don’t think I would even be writing fanfiction if I hadn’t read this series! And that’s because it so wonderfully balances the political intrigue we know so well from canon with a deeply satisfying love story that is all about family. In this canon divergent tale, Rhaenyra gets pregnant from a tryst with Daemon the night of the brothel (unbeknownst to them both). When Daemon is sent away and Rhaenyra is forced to marry Laenor, she raises her sons as true Velaryons. That is until Daemon returns to take his place at court, and Rhaenyra finds she can’t hide her sons’ true identities from the man who sired them.

Ongoing/Hiatus || 28/45 Ch || E || 249K || (link)

• Lavender Haze by madgirlslovesong (sympathy4thedevil) - In this AU, Viserys has a dragon dream of the coming war in which he sees Rhaenyra’s death. In order to change his daughter’s fate, he names Aegon heir and grants Rhaenyra the title of Princess of Dragonstone as a consolation prize. Resigned to a life denied, Rhaenyra finds renewed freedom when Daemon arrives offering her a world of new possibilities. If you want a fluffy, sexy, what could have been for Rhaenyra and Daemon, this is the one! This fic explores life outside of court and allows Rhaenyra to see more of the world than she got to see in canon. It gives the fic a completely unique feeling. There’s also some great fun with Viserys and his reaction to Daemyra’s relationship in a follow up oneshot!

Complete || 8 Chapters || E || 96K || (link)

• Deep Tissue by @luthien-under-bough - Rhaenyra gets a massage that has her feeling especially relaxed! Just trust me on this one, you should read it.

Complete || Oneshot || E || 4K || (link)

• Blood Sweeter Than Honey Wine by Me! - Yes, I’m including my own fic on this list. If you want a taste of my writing or if you’re interested in a completely different kind of fantasy AU, you might like my twisted tale of a Prince who washes up on an island long thought to be abandoned but is actually home to a mysterious Queen with a dangerous secret!

Complete || Oneshot || E || 11K || (link)

[jikookiekosmos]

Seneschal || jjk (Part 1)

➥Pairing: vampire!jungkook/reader, former prince!jungkook/reader

➥Summary: Having been burned by the rest of the world, Jungkook was content to watch it go up in flames. Or, at least, he was until you gave him hope for something new. As plans are set in motion to unite your rival kingdoms, unforeseen circumstances arise. In the midst of the chaos, Jungkook is sure of one thing: he’d be damned if he let you get burned, too.

➥Genre: strangers to lovers, angst, slow burn, (eventual) fluff, (eventual) smut, royalty au, supernatural au

➥Rating: 18+

➥Words: ~6k

➥Content Warnings: a bit of angst, no smut in the first part but there is a little bit of nudity mentioned, blood and violence are mentioned, vampire lore(?), swearing, this is more of an intro chapter than anything else so there isn’t a whole lot that happens

A/N: so uh…it’s been a while, yeah? I haven’t updated any of my BTS fics on this blog in over a year due to a lot of life things (you can read here if you’re curious as to why), but I finally had a little time to sit down and dedicate to this idea I teased back in November 2021. As mentioned in the content warnings, this is more of an intro chapter so there isn’t a whole lot going on…definitely will be more happening later.

Anyways all that to say thank you to everyone who has supported/is still supporting me and my writing even during my hiatus. It means the absolute world to me 💜

(Also special shout-out to @dntaewithluv for listening to me ramble off idea about this for a literal year, I love you so much and appreciate you immensely ❤️)

seneschal [sen-uh-shuhl] (noun) an officer having full charge of domestic arrangements, ceremonies, the administration of justice, etc., in the household of a medieval prince or dignitary; steward.

Otherwise known as Jungkook’s consolation prize when he was coerced to step down from the throne.

It had been 2 years since the…incident occurred, but Jungkook could still remember it as if it had just happened.

Which is exactly what he was reflecting on as a vial was being thrust into his vision.

He blinked rapidly a few times before staring up at the person holding the vial out for him, their face a mixture of excitement and mild impatience.

“Well? We don’t have all day. Drink up, Jeon.”

Jungkook glared.

“My apologies, please drink the potion, Mr. Jeon.”

“Jimin, you know how I feel about you and formalities-”

“It just so happens that my manners come out more as my patience grows thin.” Jimin teased. “So,” he tried once more, “drink it.”

Jungkook sighed and shook his head, knowing it was better to leave well enough alone.

“Are you sure this is safe,” Jungkook asked as he stared hesitantly at the vial filled with blue liquid just inches away from his face.

Jimin rolled his eyes before grabbing Jungkook’s hand and closing it around the vial. “Yes, for the billionth time I wouldn’t give you something I thought might harm you.” He took a step back and crossed him arms, waiting patiently for Jungkook to do something.

With a sigh Jungkook carefully brought the vial to his lips, swallowing the liquid without putting too much thought into it. The taste was bitter, but not wholly unpleasant, and a few more moments passed before either of them spoke.

“And the verdict is?” The genuine curiosity in Jimin’s voice was something Jungkook had always found to be endearing.

Jungkook chuckled. Jimin may have still been a wizard in training, but he always had Jungkook’s best interest at heart.

“How am I supposed to know if anything happened? You tell me.”

Jimin blinked before the realization set in. “Oh, right.” He stepped forward once more, peering into Jungkook’s eyes as best he could in the dim lighting of the room.

Jungkook already knew the results before Jimin could confirm them. The way his face dropped said it all.

“They’re still red. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, I’m following all the rules-”

“Jimin.”

“Maybe the spellbook is outdated, you know? This is the only one I’ve ever seen anyone else use, it must be centuries old at this point-”

“Jimin,” Jungkook stated more firmly this time, clapping his hand on the other’s shoulder to keep him from pacing around more. “It’s fine.”

Jimin groaned. “But it’s not fine, what kind of a supposed ‘wizard’ am I if I can’t even do a simple eye color changing spell.”

“You’re one that’s trying and that’s what matters.”

“Yeah, but,” Jimin broke off, pout prominent on his face. “you shouldn’t have to wear contacts all the time.”

Jungkook offered a gentle smile to his downtrodden friend. “There’s lots of things I shouldn’t have to do, but I do them anyway. It’s only a slight inconvenience, not a big deal.”

Jimin didn’t seem convinced. “I don’t know why you need to wear them in the first place, does it really matter if people see-”

“Yes,” Jungkook cut him off with a tone of finality. “We’ve been over this. It’s best for everyone if they don’t figure it out.”

“So you’re honestly fine with everyone thinking you did something horrible enough to make you step down from the throne? You’re ok with letting people drag your name through the mud constantly?”

Jungkook shrugged. “It’s just better this way.”

Jungkook could swear he heard Jimin growl. “It’s not right and you know it. You’re just too set in your ways about not wanting to bring dishonor on your family. Which, by the way, not sure if you noticed but they aren’t the most honorable people.”

“Don’t.” Another statement with a stern tone. This time, Jimin obeyed.

Jungkook ran a hand through his hair, letting the dark curls fall at their own leisure. “I need to get going or I’ll be late.”

If he left now he had just enough time to stop by his room and grab his contacts he’d left behind on his way to see Jimin, as per Jimin’s request.

“I’ve got it all figured out, so you won’t even need them this time!” Jimin had promised.

Jungkook had hope that one of these days Jimin would be victorious in all of his spellcasting endeavors, and he’d be there to support him the whole way through.

Right now, however, he had bigger matters to attend to.

On his way back to his chambers he saw Seokjin, who he figured was en route to go check on Jimin, seeing as he was the appointed court wizard and Jimin was his apprentice.

Jungkook nodded at him as they passed by each other, but Seokjin calling out for him had him turning around.

“Yes?”

It was then that Jungkook could see just how tired Seokjin looked. “Lord Jeon requests your presence before your meeting with the king.”

Jungkook raised an eyebrow. “Did he now? He bother to tell you what it was about?”

Seokjin shook his head, brows somewhat furrowed. Jungkook sensed that he seemed tense overall, and Jungkook didn’t like it.

“He didn’t. He just said it was important and had to be done as soon as possible.”

With a deep sigh, Jungkook relented, mumbling a thank you to Seokjin as he changed the direction he was walking. His brother’s chambers were located in a completely different wing of the castle, but he still had enough time to stop by his own room afterwards if he played his cards right.

He could hear the noises before he even approached the door, faint enough to go unnoticed by other passerby, but due to his heightened senses he had the unfortunate luck of not being able to remain oblivious. Jungkook knocked on the door despite the urge to just barge in; protocol was a big thing here and it was best for him to keep that in mind.

When he got no answer, he knocked once more before he squared his shoulders and turned the knob to open the door.

Without waiting for a greeting, he walked in, fully prepared for what he might find, seeing as it’d happened before.

Sure enough, the sight he was met with was exactly what he expected.

“Ah, so you finally came,” a snarky voice called out to him, slightly muffled. Jungkook rolled his eyes as he waited for the other party to get situated.

“What do you want, Yoongi?”

The blonde man in the bed not far from Jungkook smiled as the sheets fell around his waist. The woman next to him had even less shame, not bothering to cover her naked torso.

It wasn’t like Jungkook had never seen it before, anyway-

“Now is that anyway to address your superior?”

Jungkook gritted his teeth. “It is when my ‘superior’ is my younger brother.”

Yoongi tutted disapprovingly. “If you recall, you’re still only 24 years old-”

“Yoongi.”

“Which makes me the older brother now since I just turned 25.” he flashed a grin and the woman beside him snuggled up to his arm, still not completely covering her breasts. Jungkook looked away.

“So,” Yoongi continued, “you care to try that again?”

“I don’t, thanks. What do you want?”

Yoongi huffed, clearly unamused. “What I want is for you to tell our father what my requests are for the event we’re holding.”

This intrigued Jungkook enough to turn his sights back to his brother. “You’re not attending?”

“Unfortunately, no,” Yoongi feigned remorse. “I have more important matters to attend to.”

Jungkook watched in disgust as Yoongi grabbed a hold of the woman’s chin to turn her face so that he could kiss her. He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath.

“So you’re not coming then?”

“Oh he’s not, but he will be,” the woman ran her hand up Yoongi’s arm. Long, teal hair covered her shoulders, reminding Jungkook of when it was first dyed. He’d been there with her after all, so of course he’d remember it.

She giggled at her own joke while Yoongi laughed boisterously, 2 sounds Jungkook wished he’d never have to hear again.

He’d never been that lucky.

“I don’t have time for this,” was his only remark before he turned on his heel to exit the room.

Jungkook ignored Yoongi’s calls for him to come back, instead taking longer than necessary strides to put as much room between him and his brother as possible.

A low growl died in his throat as he pulled on the edge of his chain dangling from his neck. It looked like an ordinary chain necklace to the untrained eye, but it was long enough to where the end of it could fit in Jungkook’s pocket. From his neck, the rest of the chain disappeared beneath his shirt, covering the length of his chest.

It was a safety measure more than anything, something Seokjin and Jimin had helped him come up with following the ‘incident.’

⊱─────✧༺✧༻✧─────⊰

“Silver has been known to cause excruciating pain to vampires,” Seokjin had explained, “but this is a special chain, charmed with a spell that dulls that effect.”

“It doesn’t get rid of it completely?” Jimin’s confusion was evident alongside his concern for his friend.

Seokjin shook his head. “It won’t, only because that was Jungkook’s request.”

Jimin’s worried stare shifted to Jungkook, who was sitting on one of the tables in Seokjin’s chambers. His shirt was shredded, and his chest was stained scarlet: souvenirs of his most recent outing.

He went out to feed, traveling several towns over, and ended up failing miserably. Jungkook maybe got a few seconds of satisfaction before he was being ripped away from his willing victim and promptly beaten by 3 other men.

He absolutely could’ve taken them, but he was already ashamed of what he was doing in the first place. He figured that this was punishment that he had coming in one way or another.

That night when he stumbled into Seokjin’s room, bloodied and defeated, they put together a plan straight away.

Jimin asked to sit in and observe, since he was still unfamiliar with certain spells, but he missed that part of the conversation when he was fetching supplies.

“I don’t understand, why do you want the chain to still be able to cause pain?”

Jungkook sighed, wrapping part of it around his fist and noticing instantly the slight burn the metal singed his skin with. “Because the pain will hopefully be enough to stop me.”

“Stop you from doing what?”

Jungkook slowly raised his eyes to look at Jimin, a small, sorrowful smile stretched across his face.

“Something I regret.”

⊱─────✧༺✧༻✧─────⊰

The familiar sting of the chain branded the inside of his palm with invisible marks, and he kept it curled inside his hand until he was in front of his own chamber doors. He was really pushing time now, close to being late for his advisory meeting, but he’d risk a slight delay in the start of the meeting versus having to explain why his eyes were crimson colored.

Once he had his contacts fixed, he all but jogged to the large meeting room down the hall. A few guards and his father were already there, waiting on him as it seemed he was the last to show up.

“You’re late,” the king greeted, a hint of disappointment in his tone.

Jungkook was used to that by now.

“Sorry, Your Majesty, I had to run a few errands first. Shall we start?”

The king cleared his throat and nodded, holding out his hand to the guard nearest him. A scroll was placed into his large palm before he quickly unraveled it.

Jungkook watched his eyes flit across the parchment, and when he deemed it satisfactory, the king handed it back to the guard so he could pass it down to Jungkook.

“You’ll find the agenda there for tomorrow’s event. I’m entrusting you, as usual, with all the planning so you can make sure everything is taken care of.”

Jungkook hummed as he read through everything. It all looked to be in order: designated time for the other guests to arrive, instructions for what catering needed to be prepared, an outline of what was required for Yoongi’s meeting with the princess-

Jungkook read that line again. And another time. He ground his teeth together as he looked back up at the king whose eyebrow was raised as he waited.

“Well? Is something the matter? You look perturbed.”

“Father-”

“This is an official meeting, boy. No informal titles allowed.”

Jungkook’s jaw was clenched. “Your Majesty,” he tried again, “what is this last portion here about a meeting with a princess?”

“Ah yes, that.” The nonchalant answer made Jungkook’s anger rise even further. “The meeting between their princess and our prince is what will be the defining moment for the entire event.”

Jungkook had known there was some sort of event happening that was supposed to – hopefully – demolish the rivalry between the two neighboring kingdoms. There had been bad blood for far too long, and it sometimes made it difficult to retrieve supplies from other areas without conflict arising.

Jungkook had been tasked with planning everything for the guests arrival, as his job required him to do. Despite being kicked from the royal lineage, he was allowed to stay a part of the royal court and act as a steward of sorts. It wasn’t always the best, but he figured it beat being exiled from the kingdom entirely.

He worked tirelessly over the last several months to ensure that all boxes were checked for this gathering. But this new information blindsided him, and now it suddenly made sense why his father and Yoongi both seemed so cocky and sure that this would work.

“And no one thought it pertinent enough to tell me that this would be happening?”

Of all things he could’ve done in that moment, the king had the audacity to shrug. “You won’t be present for that bit of it, so we didn’t feel it was necessary to tell you.”

“Then why isn’t Yoongi here for this instead of me,” Jungkook tried to keep his tone respectful, but even he couldn’t stop some of the malice from slipping through.

“The prince” the king put heavy emphasis on the title, “is busy carrying out other affairs, so it didn’t seem important to bother him with this.”

“Yeah, affair is certainly one way to put it,” he mumbled, crossing his arms as he looked to the side.

“I beg your pardon?”

 Jungkook exhaled through his nose. “Nothing, Your Majesty.”

The king stared at Jungkook for a few more moments before he dismissed the other guards in the room.

“Gentleman, if you’d kindly take your leave for a moment – I need to have a discussion with my son. Two of you may remain posted at the door in case you’re needed.”

The guards obeyed quickly, bowing as they exited.

Jungkook scoffed. “So now I’m your ‘son?’ I’m surprised that word still exists in your vocabulary where I’m concerned.”

“Jungkook, be quiet!” The king raised his voice as a warning and slammed his fist against the table, stopping Jungkook’s jabs in their tracks.

“Regardless of your faults and any heinous acts you may have committed, you are still my son. Whether I like it or not.”

Jungkook hated how those words caused a dull ache in his chest.

“And because you are my son, that is why you are still allowed to be here in the first place. Do you ever think about how easy it would’ve been to toss you on the street like some mere commoner,” the king spat, his own outward frustration mirroring what Jungkook felt on the inside.

“You only tell me every chance you get, how could I not?”

“Watch your tone with me, boy. I am not above throwing you in the dungeon for insubordination.”

Jungkook was well aware. At this rate, he had his own personal cell with how often his father (and more so his brother) felt the need to send him there.

“Can we go back to what this ‘meeting’ is supposed to entail? Why is their princess involved?”

The king squared his shoulders and smiled. “They’ve offered a marriage proposal.”

Jungkook’s eyes widened. “I’m sorry, a what?”

“Exactly what it sounds like. The king’s eldest daughter, Princess Mina, is being offered as a marriage candidate for Prince Yoongi.”

“And Yoongi agreed to this?”

The king frowned at Jungkook’s continued lack of formality before he nodded. “He’s been preparing for it for a while now.”

Jungkook clenched his fist under the table.

“Fucking unbelievable,” Jungkook muttered, a few seconds from leaving the meeting altogether in order to give the prince a piece of his mind.

“Language,” the king reminded him sternly.

“Look, fa- Your Majesty. With all due respect to you, I think this is a terrible idea.”

“Please do enlighten me as to why you feel that way.”

Jungkook sighed as he rubbed his temples. “Arranged marriages amongst royals never seem to work out well from what I’ve seen. Arranged marriages amongst anyone just seems like a poor idea.”

“Your mother and I married as part of an arrangement, and we turned out fine.”

Jungkook would beg to differ, but that was an entirely different conversation for some other time.

“I just think it’s odd that he would accept this proposal when he’s already involved with someone else.”

Finally, it was the king’s turn to look taken aback. “Whatever do you mean?”

‘He doesn’t know,’ Jungkook realized.

“Don’t worry about it, I just assumed he already had someone in mind is all.”

“Unlike you, the prince seems to be able to keep his mind off of finding love amongst the common rabble outside the castle walls.”

Jungkook winced.

“Additionally, if he did already have someone in mind, I’m sure I would’ve heard about it by now.”

“You know better than I would,” Jungkook lied. He knew that Yoongi kept many, many secrets from their parents, which is why he’d always been the favorite. They never got a glimpse of his true nature, but unfortunately for Jungkook, he got to see all of it.

“Indeed,” the king said with finality, marking the end of that conversation. “Now, back to the preparations for the event-”

“I’ll handle it,” Jungkook sounded much more deflated than when he entered the room. Animosity exhausted him.

“Good. I expect nothing less of you. I don’t expect much from you to start with, but I at least anticipate you will do your job.”

Another mindless insult. Jungkook stopped keeping count of how many times his father shamed him years ago after the scandal first broke.

If anyone asked him, he’d even go so far as to say his father’s love for him died the same day his human life ended.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, the queen and I have other matters to attend to before tomorrow.” The king got up from the table and walked off, not even bothering to see if Jungkook would also make way to leave. Before he exited through the door, he turned back one last time to look at Jungkook.

“Don’t make me regret letting you stay here. This is the most important thing the kingdom has faced since you were a child, and if you mess it up somehow, being exiled will be the least of your worries.”

Jungkook received the threat with a solemn stare, no more words spoken as he was then left alone in the large room.

On the way back to his chambers, Jungkook had a lapse in judgment. He turned and let his feet carry him to his new destination, landing three hard knocks on the door before it opened quickly.

“What?” An annoyed tone filtered through the open doorway. “Oh – it’s just you.”

Yoongi’s hair was less disheveled than it had been earlier, but it was clear he was now trying to get himself ready for later activities in the day.

“What do you want?” Yoongi crossed his arms as he leaned against the doorframe, not allowing Jungkook any space to enter the room.

Not that he really wanted to, anyway. He just needed to know one thing.

“Does she know?”

Yoongi blinked in confusion. “Does who know about what? You gotta be more specific, I can’t read your mind-”

“Does she know,” Jungkook interrupted, more sternly this time. “What’s happening tomorrow. Does she know?”

He had to ask. As much as he loathed her now, he still thought she deserved better than to be cheated on and discarded like she was nothing.

Even if that’s exactly what she’d done to him.

Jungkook watched as Yoongi’s eyes sparked with amusement when he finally understood. “Aeris? Yeah, she knows. She actually just left by the way; sorry you didn’t get to see her again.”

Jungkook’s eyebrows furrowed.

 “So she knows and she’s fine with it?”

“Yeah, I mean – she gets it a ‘thing’ I have to do. It’s completely transactional and I’m only doing it for the betterment of the kingdom.”

Yoongi was lying through his teeth and Jungkook wanted to wipe his smug grin off his face. His entire life Yoongi had been selfish and only looked out for himself, so this idea that he was doing it to help the people living in the kingdom?

Absolutely preposterous.

Jungkook needed a fucking break. He needed to get away, clear his head before he had to come back and deal with everything else tomorrow.

He walked off without another word, something he knew Yoongi hated – which is most of the reason why he’d done it.

“You know,” Yoongi shouted after him, “I think bitterness suits you. It’s a good look since it matches the rest of your miserable demeanor!”

Jungkook ignored him and continued walking, not stopping until he reached his favorite spot in the entire castle.

He would often come up to the highest balcony, somewhere he could be alone with his thoughts and not have the added stress of other’s opinions for a short while.

The balcony was all but abandoned as he was the only one to frequent it. The only crime he’d ever say he committed was stealing the key to the door that granted access up here. After a while, everyone else forgot about it, so he was able to keep this spot hidden. A place of his own, where he didn’t have to worry about being found.

A place of his own where his thoughts could run wild. A place of his own where his demons continued to follow him despite his best efforts.

A place of his own where he could just be alone.

After all, that’s what was best for everyone, right?

Jungkook couldn’t help but wonder, as he’d done many times before, what his life would be like now if he hadn’t been attacked. His entire life – as a prince, as an official royal family member, as a living, breathing human – was cut short in the blink of an eye. His humanity as he knew it was gone in an instant.

If it hadn’t happened, though, where would he be now? Would it be him getting ready to marry someone for political gain instead of his brother?

He shook his head as he let out a humorless chuckle. He knew he’d fight that decision with everything he had, and for he first time since it had been stripped away from him, he was relieved he wasn’t in that kind of position anymore.

The thought of sharing his life with someone he didn’t truly care about, whether it was for the greater good or not, just didn’t seem right, nor did it seem fair. Not to mention the fact that it didn’t just include him: someone’s else’s life would be affected just as much as his.

It dawned on him then that he was standing here, genuinely putting thought into how he would handle such a situation. He wasn’t some cold, heartless being. He still had the ability to care for others, and that alone gave him some sort of hope.

He looked up at the moon, admiring how the light spilled through the branches of the tree overhead.

“Maybe I still have some humanity left after all.”

lady-in-waiting (noun) a woman of noble birth who serves a female monarch as a member of the royal household.

“Please hold still, Your Highness,” you huffed with thinly veiled frustration as you tried to lace up the corset you were currently working on.

You made a mental note to go shopping later in order to find better dresses for the princess. They still would be ones that were just as extravagant, but hopefully didn’t give you a blood pressure spike to assist with.

“Oh please, what’s with the formal treatment? It’s just us right now, you don’t have to do that, you know.”

“Yes, but,” you tugged once more, finally letting out a sigh of relief when the strings worked how you wanted them to. “With the event happening soon, it’s better for me to get back into the habit.”

Being best friends with the princess granted you some privileges that you were grateful for. When it was just the two of you, you didn’t have to uphold this extra formal, fancy attitude and instead you both got to be much more laid-back. You knew she appreciated it just as much as - if not more than - you, since she was held to a higher standard and scrutinized more heavily.

However, by the kingdom’s definition, you were first and foremost her lady-in-waiting, which ranked above any and all other duties you had in the royal court. Which, unfortunately, meant that at certain times your role took precedence over your friendship, and that was just the way it had to be.

“Ugh, I can’t wait for all this stupid royal relations stuff to be over.”

“Mina-”

She held up a hand. “Let me get it out, then you can scold.”

You waited patiently, fixing the other parts of the dress while she rambled on for the umpteenth time about her dislike for the event happening soon.

“…I mean this is a rival kingdom, we don’t even like them, so why bother. You know?”

“Mhm,” you hummed as you agreed honestly. It did seem like a stretch for your kingdom to try and force relations with one who had been a long-standing rival. The way you saw it, if after all these years and prior failed attempts had yet to work, what made the king think this would be any different?

Of course, there was now the added factor of a new bargaining chip: the king and queen were offering one of their daughters as a potential marriage candidate for the other kingdom’s prince.

Mina, being the oldest princess in line, begrudgingly accepted for the sake of the kingdom.

The plan had been set in motion months prior, but it was all finally happening tomorrow – both you and Mina were on edge, anticipating the worst but hoping for the best.

What was supposed to happen seemed simple enough: the king would accompany the princess on her visit to the other kingdom, escorted heavily by guards and with you at her side, as you always were. She would meet the prince officially for the first time, and both kings would try to strike up some sort of arrangement.

You figured this would actually be more beneficial for them, seeing as their kingdom was still recovering from a huge scandal that happened a few years ago. You remembered it vividly, taking note of how the abruptness of it all never sat right with you.

The eldest prince stepped down from his position as next in line for the throne, following some sort of act that was only described as ‘utterly disgraceful’ and never really elaborated on in the public news.

Before the news broke, the kingdom was well known for its power and influence all over the land, and the downfall from it all landed a huge blow to their standing. It aided your own kingdom in rising above them in their rivalry, but it appeared that now your own monarchs wanted to put everything behind them and unite for…whatever reason.

You tried not to get too deeply involved in the politics. Your duty was to serve Mina, and the royal family as a whole – this didn’t leave you much room to voice your own opinions.

 Mina’s soft calling of your name pulled you out of your thoughts.

“Yes?”

Any frustration you had left from the dress fiasco quickly evaporated when you saw her face. She was biting her lip, and in that moment she looked very meek, small. Very unlike the exuberant, confident young woman you knew.

“I’m scared.”

You sighed at that, pulling her into a hug that she gratefully accepted. This was this first time she had outright said it, but you could tell she was terrified from the moment she was first told about this arrangement months ago.

“I know,” you patted her back. You wanted to tell her everything would be alright, that it would all work out, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

Lying to someone to provide them comfort was never something you could get behind, and you didn’t plan to start now.

“I promise you, though, that whatever happens, we’ll get through it together.” You didn’t feel bad saying that because it was the truth; you were ready to face anything when it came to Mina, and you’d do anything for her.

She was basically the most important person in your life, and you’d be damned if you let anything bad happen to her.

Well…anything short of letting her go through with a marriage to a man she’d never met.

Just as your duty to her came first, her duty to her kingdom came first. You knew it and respected it, even if you didn’t always like it.

Mina giggled, her frame shaking slightly in your hold. “It almost sounds like you’re the one I’m supposed to be marrying,” she teased.

You joined in her laughter. “I mean, I don’t think it would yield quite the same results-”

“We both know we’d be arrested before we could even say ‘I do.’” Mina joked, despite her dark attempt at humor having a level of truth to it.

“A princess marrying her lady-in-waiting?” You covered your heart and pretended to be appalled. “Imagine the scandal!”

Mina shoved you lightheartedly, her laughter echoing off the walls. She looked miles happier than she’d been a few minutes prior, and you were relieved to see it.

“C’mon, help me with my hair or we’re gonna be late.” Mina collected her hairbow from her dresser and handed it to you so you could tie up her hair in the back. When you were done, she glanced quickly in the mirror and nodded, pleased with the result.

“Is there anything else you need to do?”

You gave yourself a once-over in the mirror as well and decided that your outfit would have to do. It wasn’t bad by any means, but if you had a little more time, you probably could’ve spruced it up some more.

“All good here. After you, my Lady.” You made a grand gesture out of letting her go first, which earned you another light shove.

“Cut that out! We still have a few minutes of freedom left before we have to be formal.”

You chuckled. “You got it.”

✧───────⊱✧⊰───────✧

You accompanied Mina to her final etiquette training before the big day. Everything she learned was more of a refresher than new material, but her nervousness kept her from doing her best, which led to her being reprimanded by the queen.

“How can you expect to marry someone if you can’t play the part of a prim and proper princess?”

Mina bit her tongue, as she usually did with her mother, and you expected to get an earful from her later about the situation. To your surprise, instead of venting, she was quiet and calm upon returning to her chambers.

Before she was ready to sleep for the night, you checked in one her one last time. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

With a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes, she responded. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

✧───────⊱✧⊰───────✧

You had never woken up more stressed out in your entire life.

All your training had culminated in this moment. You were to make sure that the princess arrived safely along with her appointed guards, and it was also up to you to make sure that everything went off without a hitch.

Such a small responsibility, right? What could possibly go wrong?

Well, for starters-

The castle you found yourself in was much larger than you anticipated, which was saying a lot considering the castle you lived in was already rather large.

Also, you weren’t the best with directions, but as long as you and Mina didn’t get separated, that shouldn’t be a problem.

And it wasn’t a problem…until it came time for her to meet the prince.

“We’re sorry, miss, but only high-ranking royal officials can be present for this meeting.” A guard held out his arm, blocking you from following Mina into the room. She frowned and tried to protest on your behalf, but her father wasn’t having any of it.

“She’ll be fine, we need to get a move on.” He grabbed a hold of her elbow and ushered her along, and you got one last look at her worried countenance before the doors closed.

Now was when the panic set in.

“I-I need water. Or just- something.” You said it aloud but didn’t really know if anyone would hear you or help you for that matter.

Thankfully, the guard who had just cut you off was kind enough to give you directions to the kitchen and dining area. You’d been there not too long ago when everyone was eating the meal that had been prepared, so surely – you thought – it wouldn’t be an issue to stop by and get a drink to calm your nerves.

That plan worked for all of about ten minutes before you re-entered the hallway from the dining room only to find nobody was around. No guards, no passerby, nothing.

It didn’t help that, from what you had seen, most hallways looked nearly identical.

You were officially lost. Alone, panicking, and lost in a castle you’d never been to before with no one in sight to help. Unsure of what else to do, since walking around aimlessly definitely did not seem like a good idea, you did what any normal person would do.

You sat down on the floor and wrapped your arms around your legs, resting your head on top of your knees.

This had to be your worst nightmare. You were separated from Mina, the one person other than yourself who you were responsible for taking care of, and you were also stuck in unfamiliar territory which was one of your biggest fears.

None of your training ever prepared you for this-

“Are you alright, miss?”

A soft voice filtered through your thoughts, making your head snap up. Your breath got caught in your throat.

There was a man kneeling down in front of you, his hand extended as he offered you a gentle smile.

Suddenly, your situation didn’t seem like such a nightmare anymore.

A/N: thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!

permanent taglist: @inlovewiththemoonn​ @lavienjin​

fic taglist: @veronawrites @thisartemisnevermisses​ @outro-kook​ @cravingforhotchocolate​

please let me know if you want to be added or removed!

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[pudgecuddles]

Yoongi who’s not used to physical affection from Taehyung but still wants to show how much he loves him by feeding him. Which then turns to also surprising him with new clothes as he grows fatter. Before long, Yoongi has a massive Taehyung on his hands.

“This looks like kind of a lot, Yoongi.” Taehyung stared at the spread of take out in front of them.

“Yeah, maybe.” Yoongi rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “But hey, there’s always leftovers. Besides I know that Thai’s your favorite, you can have a little of everything and pack the rest away.”

Taehyung hummed, contemplating his options before shrugging and loading up his first plate with, like Yoongi said, a little of everything. “If I end up eating all of this, it’s your fault.”

Yoongi held up his hands in surrender. “Got it. Got it.”

Plopping themselves down on the sofa, they started up the movie they were going to watch, Ratatouille. It was Taehyung’s favorite movie and always inspired an appetite in him.

Needless to say, there were no leftovers that night.

-

“Heal me dammit!” Taehyung shouted as he tapped frantically on his keyboard. “Can we get a fucking Medic on our team already?! Red is pulverizing us! They have Uber already!”

The match ended shortly after, Blu team having failed to prevent the bomb from being pushed into their base.

Yoongi walked in with a platter of snacks just as Taehyung smacked his forehead in exasperation. “Did we really need three fucking Gibus Snipers? Really?”

“Playing casual matches again?” Yoongi was amused at how vocal Taehyung always got when he played his games. “You know that comp has better communication.”

“Yeah, but sometimes I just don’t wanna be roasted for maining Demoknight, okay? Casual doesn’t give a shit.”

“True.” Yoongi wanted to lean in and kiss his boyfriend sweetly, but hot embarrassment ran through him at the thought of potential rejection. Instead, he offered the tray to Taehyung. “I made you a consolation prize…”

Taehyung’s eyes bugged out at the sight of all his favorite snacks placed so prettily on the platter. “Yoongi, you shouldn’t have. That’s so sweet of you!” It didn’t matter to Taehyung in that moment that he had just eaten breakfast, or that he was actually trying to lose a few pounds. The kind, loving gesture from his boyfriend outranked silly little diets.

Taehyung grabbed a butter cracker dolloped with nutella and popped the whole thing in his mouth at once. “Mmmmmm…”

Yoongi took that as approval. “Well, I guess I’ll leave you to it-”

“Nuh-uh.” Taehyung swallowed audibly. “You’re always my good luck charm, I’m keeping you here.”

Taehyung stood up just then, pulling his tight shirt down his newly grown belly. Yoongi gulped at the sight. “I’ll stay.”

“Good, now come over here and sit.” Taehyung gestured towards his large, comfortable gaming chair.

Confused, Yoongi obediently sat on the chair, sinking into it’s softness. Hmm, this was nice.

Suddenly, all of Taehyung’s weight dropped onto Yoongi’s lap. “Oof! What-?”

“Sorry Yoongi, but you’re trapped now!” Taehyung grinned, lowering the chair so that he could reach the keyboard from his elevated position. “I knew you’d say no if I asked, so I tricked you.”

Cheeky brat. Yoongi Smiled, glad that his boyfriend was one to take initiative.

Taehyung got into queue for a new game as Yoongi tried to get comfortable. They have had Taehyung sit on Yoongi’s lap in the past, but this was different.

You see, Taehyung was 33 pounds heavier than last time, and Yoongi felt every ounce of it.

He knew only because he checked their scale’s history feature. Taehyung used to hover around 137 pounds, now the chubby boy clocked in at 170.

170 pounds sat right on Yoongi’s poor dick.

This was going to be a long match…

-

After months of weekly take out, and daily snacking sessions, it was about time that Taehyung started having trouble with his pants. He’d grown a little bottom heavy over time and he wasn’t sure how to feel about it. On one hand he really didn’t care what size he was, but on the other, he values Yoongi’s opinion more than anything in the world. What if he was grossed out by him?

Thoughts for later.

Grunting and groaning, Taehyung’s double belly wobbled viciously as he jumped up and down trying to squeeze his dimpled thunder thighs into his favorite pair of jeans. It’d been a while since he’s worn them, having defaulted to his comfier pair of sweats for the past month and a half while he was between jobs.

Now, he had a job interview in an hour and needed to wear something other than stained sweatpants and BO coated tank top. Besides, that one tended to leave a bit of his lower belly hanging out to jiggle for all to see. It was fine when he was at home alone or with Yoongi, but he somehow doubted that a potential employer would approve of it.

“Dammit!” Taehyung flopped onto his bed, causing the springs to creak from the sudden weight. “I guess 276 pounds is officially the limit for Levi’s…”

With a brief knock at the door, Yoongi came in to see Taehyung looking like someone gave up on pulling the pants up their too fat Barbie doll and just tossed it on their bed for later. “Taehyungie?”

“Don’t start. I know how I look.”

“I wasn’t gonna say anything.” Yoongi held up one hand in surrender, the other holding a medium sized box. “I actually brought you something that I think will help you out.”

Taehyung lifted his head, giving himself a double chin. “What is it? A present?”

“Kinda…” Yoongi blushed. “I saw the other day that you kept pulling down your shirt, so I decided to grab you some more clothes… Uhm, bigger ones.” He mumbled that last part, hoping that Taehyung didn’t take the gesture badly.

Taehyung again wasn’t sure how to feel. Yoongi went out of his way to cater to his larger size and buy him new clothes, that had to mean that he didn’t hate him right? Otherwise, Taehyung had no qualms about going up in size, it was just part of getting fatter.

“Thank you, Yoongi.” Taehyung smiled, deciding to be touched by the effort. “Lemme try ‘em on.”

The ones on top of the pile, XXL, fit perfectly.

Both men ignored the bottom pile of XXXXL outfits.

Besides, it was smart to have clothes with room to grow on hand.

-

“-Urp!- Can I have some more, Yoonie?” Taehyung burped politely into his fist. “I’m all out…” He set down his big gulp cup in the cup holder of their new sofa, Taehyung having broken their old one.

Yoongi called out from the kitchen, “Coming up!” The sound of a blender cut out anything else he might have said.

Taehyung’s tummy grumbled. The large double belly hung off of the couch, between his legs and rested on the floor. It’d been over a year since he’d started seriously gaining weight and he already found that most of his days began and ended with his massive ass on the sofa, stuffing his face with whatever Yoongi presented to him.

It was a special occasion this time though, he’d reached 637 pounds that morning. A full 500 pounds more than his starting weight. He and Yoongi never really discussed what they were doing with Taehyung’s body, they just both knew they didn’t mind it. Maybe it was a subconscious effort to see how far they could go, maybe it was just their love language in action. Either way, Taehyung had seriously ballooned and he didn’t care at all.

“Here you are.” Yoongi stepped into the living room, handing a second big gulp cup to Taehyung. “I added some prunes this time. You know you need more fiber.”

“But Hyung!” Taehyung whined. “You know that makes me gassy…”

“Everything makes you gassy nowadays.” Yoongi deadpanned.

“True.” Taehyung sighed. He brought the cup up to his lips ad began gulping.

And gulping.

And gulping.

He whined slighting as the mixture hit his stomach heavily. Yoongi immediately came over and began massaging his taught upper belly. Willing his stomach to digest faster. To grow fatter.

Gulp.

Gulp.

Sluuuuurp…

Gasping for air, Taehyung hiccuped loudly. “That- hic! Was so good, Yoongi.”

-UUUUURP!-

Taehyung let out a loud belch.

Yoongi continued rubbing his hard gut, encouraging the release of gas, used to it by now. “That’s it baby, keep going.”

-Buur…BrrruUUUUUUuUuuUup!”-

That last one was gurgley.

Panting and still hiccuping, Taehyung rested his chubby hands on his bulging love handles and squeezed. “Look what your excellent cooking has done to me, Yoongi. I’m huge!”

“I know, Taehyungie.” Yoongi slipped his hand into Taehyung’s cavernous belly button, hidden between his sagging upper and lower bellies and wiggled his long fingers. “I know.”

Taehyung moaned, only recently getting used to Yoongi’s courageous showings of affection. “Y-Yeah… Here’s to another 500.”

End.

[magicmindless]

Please please please! Taylor or chuck hcs if you havent yet <3

I’ll do Chuck another time but for now:

A HC List but it’s just Taylor

Gaymer/j

- A restless yet ambitious fellow. He likes keeping himself busy with fun events and hanging out with friends. Very extroverted

- Has ADHD and unfortunately went through the “gifted kid to burnout” phase in his life. He wasn’t diagnosed until he entered college

- Had strict parents who always expected him to do well in school and was seen as a remarkable student, but later got burnt out due to the pressure put on him

- Video games were always an escapism for him growing up. Though his free time was limited, gaming always helped him get through rough times and even make new friends

- Took care of a stray dog when he was little and called it Luigi. His parents didn’t let him have it but he secretly took care of it whenever he showed up at his house. He was an old stray so he died after a couple years. He really wants a dog but has yet to find the time to adopt one

- Had some online friends growing up. Most of them he’s lost touch with completely, but he has a select few he still talks to occasionally

- Cameo is one of his longest-lasting online friends. They friended each other in a gaming lobby in an MMO game when they were teens and later talked through other sites like Skype (or whatever it is in their world) and now they hang out irl

- Like any gamer Taylor has had his rage quitting moments. When he was younger, they were a lot tamer but only because his parents would get mad at him for being a nuisance but he lets it all out now. The worst thing he did was impailing the tv with a broom by throwing it like a javelin

- Met Chuck as his dorm mate when he was attending college as a computer science major. After they both graduated, they decided to still be roommates to save on rent

- Knows how to rollerblade and is sometimes seen doing it on the sidewalks of Tastyville. He’s pretty good at it though he’d be lying if he said he hasn’t almost been run over in the street before because of it

- He can’t be productive unless he’s listening to music. In canon his favorite music artist is DJ Honey Buster (Hugo), but he’s not that picky. He’s even a longtime follower of Simone’s Lofi channel

- Has heavy footsteps whenever he walks or runs, and they’re so loud he’s gotten noise complaints from his neighbors, so he has to have carpet all over the floors to be quieter

- Good luck trying to get through to him whenever he’s listening to music. You’ll have to yank his earbuds to snap him out of it, which he hates people doing to him

- A horrible sleeper. He gets around like 5-6 hours of sleep at most every day and is fueled by energy drinks. Chuck has to be the one to get him to sleep sometimes

- Likes to do late-night convenience store runs to get snacks and instant ramen along with Chuck. It’s just fun and the town at night is very quiet and calm… unless Dynamoe is on the loose I guess

- After college Taylor and Chuck both had their own issues to work out which did affect their friendship for some time. This included the fact that they were crushing on each other but didn’t wanna ruin their friendship

- It was a hard thing to come to terms with, but one night alone in their apartment, Taylor took initiative and confessed and now they’re dating

- Huge retro nerd who loves collecting games and consoles from the 90s and such

- He’s the one guy at the arcade going absolutely ham on Dance Dance Revolution (or stomp stomp whatever it was called) and attracting a crowd because he’s that good at it

- Once got so many tickets playing arcade games that he got a roomba from the prize booth as a joke since he didn’t know what else to do with his tickets. Though later, him and Chuck grew attached to the Roomba and named it “Sir Robert the First”, even giving it a little top hat and putting googly eyes on it

- Not a content creator, but he’s a reoccurring person in Tohru’s gaming streams. It was totally on accident, they were playing a shooting game where people were in teams and he just happened to be in Tohru’s team. They made a pretty good duo so Tohru friend requested him and now he sometimes appears in her streams whenever he has time

- Used to be pretty hardcore into roleplaying back in the day. Especially loved DnD. The classes he usually gravitated towards was the bard or the sorcerer

- Used to have a side-hustle as a game tester for indie game creators. You wouldn’t think he’d quit doing something like this, but game-testing was too structured for him (it’s more about interacting with the game in super specific ways and stuff to make sure everything works out)

[waklman]

Tilly my lovely writer,

you absolutely can't imagine how I love your work. You are so talented and I can't stop reading your stuff. I'm so obsessed with Fake It, you gave Jake such a special personality, omg I LOVE IT. So sad that you suffering fro. I writers block, don't stress yourself, we love you.

Because of my very (un)healthy obsession with Fake It, I've got a lot of ideas for these two idiots. Hear me out, imagine this whole fake dating is stressing Princess so much and one day the bitch friends of Jake's ex saying to her that she's just a consolation prize for Jake and she will never be worth it or enough for him. Hurt to no end and an migraine incoming she goes home only to have a bsd argument with Jake. Shhr snaps at him and he also says something hurtful (like "no wonder that you're just have a fake boyfriend"). Of course Jake instantly regrets his words but his best friend is hurt. Alone in her room she cries herself to sleep only to wake up hours later with a raging migraine. Imagine Jake finds her nearly passed out in the kitchen, one time more realizing how important she is to him. He takes care of her. Worried Jake, protective Jake, care taking Jake that's what we need

first of all, i love you too & thank you so much for this sweet message because, really, i needed to hear that, i’ve felt so awful for not being able to update fake it (i know i shouldn't but it happens). anyways, this felt so nice to write bc i wasn’t struggling with it, so here is worried jake!! i know i had two other requests for this in my inbox as well, so this is also for those two anons :)

Jake doesn’t hate. 

All his life, he was told by his mother that hate was bad for the heart. That hate had no rightful place in his growing body. But, in the midst of his underwhelming teenage angst, Jake Seresin secretly concluded that his hate should be reserved for one thing, and one thing only—and that was making you cry. 

So, when you came barging into his room, hysterical and teary eyed over some stupid thing some girl said about you two, Jake had no intent of making you cry. It was just that, he could barely get a word in when you were mindlessly repeating it back to him. 

That girl has her head on backwards if she thinks Seresin actually likes her, he’s only sticking around because he feels obliged to. I feel sorry for him, I’d go ballistic if my parents picked out my friends for me.

Frustration spread through his body like a virus when you kept cementing that it was true, accusing him of agreeing with it too. And that’s when the worst thing he ever said to you came out his mouth this evening. 

If you want to fucking believe that you’re so unlikeable, then maybe it’s true. Maybe you are.

The moment the words fell off his tongue, you immediately went quiet, giving him a glimpse of what it looked like when he made you cry.

At that, Jake hated himself more than anything. Jake hated that you looked more hurt than you did when you originally stalked inside, looking for his assurance. Jake hated that he had to listen to you sob for most of the night, alone in the bathroom with the door shut. Jake hated that you might have taken what he said out of anger to heart. That you believed you weren’t worthy of being liked, especially by him.

Because if anything, that was far from the truth. 

And Jake couldn’t let you fall asleep tonight like this, not when he knew you always punished yourself by not tending to the migraines you got from crying. 

“Swallow it please,” Jake lets out a guilty breath, watching your throat weakly bob when you take down the Motrin he eased past your lips.

Seated across from each other in the bathtub, Jake’s frame struggles to fit in the confines of the porcelain, more than yours does—but he pushes the discomfort away, because you’d been sitting here for hours while he was laid in his bed.

And maybe it was because Jake had tiredly pleaded outside the door for a hour before coming in or maybe it was because you watched him struggle to fit himself in the tub with you just so he could mouth feed you some ibuprofen, but you lurch forward—knocking the wind out of him in a desperate hug. 

It takes all of Jake’s self restraint to not fall apart when you slot yourself between his legs and gently rest your chin on his shoulder, letting him feel you again. 

With a tight throat, he forces himself to speak. “I’m so fucking sorry, princess.”

When you sniff in his ear, Jake pulls you closer against him, cushioning the side of your head so it doesn’t hit the bathtub faucet. “I didn’t mean it. God I—I really didn’t fucking mean it,” he starts, voice already shaky. “I don’t want you thinkin’ that I only stick around because our families are close.” Jake swallows when he feels you move a hand to softly scratch at his nape, comforting him through this.

“I know,” you whisper softly, trying to ease the tension in his body. “If you did, you wouldn’t pick a fight with your sisters everytime they claimed me as a roommate when we stayed at hotels,” you let out a hoarse giggle, throat still sore from crying. 

At that, a small smile settles on his face. “I also let them put makeup on me so I was allowed in the girls room,” he adds. 

“Yeah, exactly. You just like me that much, you loser.” Your mouth stretches into a wide smile, cracked lips burning as it does. Finally, Jake lightens up, laughing at your little jab. 

“I just like you that much,” he repeats.

[secretly-of-course]

Hey pls don’t feel any obligation to respond to this but I think I might be aro and I’m lowkey freaking out about it major sexuality crisis style and I don’t know how to. Not.

Like I’ve seen it coming for a while and I’m still not 100% sure but it is kind of the only thing that makes sense. And it’s terrifying me a bit bc like. I do want things that have to do with romance sort of, but mechanically I Do Not feel romantic attraction to people (and when I think I do it goes away after like two days). And like I know aro people can be in relationships if they want to but like I would just feel so guilty the whole time if I did that bc I feel like I would just be lying to them even if I’m not.

How did you begin to feel comfortable in your identity and start making peace with it?

- Sincerely, a panicked queer

Hey bud, take a deep breath. No matter what you end up identifying as just know that you're gonna be okay!

I'm gonna put this under a read more because it's kind of long and a bit rambling (sorry it's 1am)

Speaking from my own experience, it took me a long time to feel comfortable identifying as aro. I had my ace crisis 3 years prior and it took me a long time to make peace with that as well, and I'm sad to admit that during that time period I fell for the trappings of the "even if I'm ace I could still fall in love" idea as if that was some sort of consolation prize. But that's just amatonormativity for ya.

Accepting oneself as aro can be really freaking hard, I know it because I've been there. Our society pushes the ideal of a single romantic partner as necessary for happiness so hard that you begin to doubt if you can ever be truly happy. When every show and movie you see growing up has the main guy and girl get together for the happy ever after, how are you supposed to react when you realize that's not really what you want? When you're a child and there are things you don't understand about adults, they tell you "You'll understand when you grow up and get married/have kids," --always when, never if-- as if that's some sort of guarantee because it is the expectation.

This song by Moses Sumney captures the vibes. The lyric "if lovelessness equals godlessness, will you cast me to the wayside?" always punches me in the gut.

For a long time, before I even started questioning if I was aromantic, I used to say and think things like "It's okay if I don't stay in love but I'd like to fall in love at least once to know what it's like." But that's the thing, a technical curiosity about romance isn't the same as actually desiring it. Feeling like you have to fall in love because that's what everyone does and what's expected of you isn't the same as actually wanting to fall in love. When I realized that I was not only aromantic but non-partnering as well, I grieved for a little bit. I grieved the person I thought I was supposed to be and the life I thought I was supposed to have. I think we should be telling queer people more often that it's okay to grieve the vision you once had for yourself, and going through that grief doesn't mean you love or accept yourself any less or make you any less valid.

It sounds rather silly but the thing that made me really embrace being aro was when I started headcanoning some of my favorite characters as aro. Projecting on those characters and thinking about their own journeys of self discovery and acceptance really truly helped me. Another thing I did moreso when I was trying to embrace being ace was repeat to myself over and over again "It's okay to acespec" which evolved into "it's okay to be ace" and then "it's okay if I'm ace." I don't remember how long I did that for but it also helped a bit.

But the thing is, once I did accept and embrace my aro identity? It was liberating. It was like I got to say "F you society and your bs expectations! I do whatever so want!" I honestly love being aro and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

And my sweet, sweet anon, I promise you you would not be lying if you were to enter a relationship. There are options you may or may not feel more comfortable with, such as being in a qpr or dating another aro person who understands, but even dating an allo person you would have nothing to feel guilty about. Relationships are built on more than just romantic attraction and you can still connect with people in different ways. Your relationships may end up being something completely unique, and that's okay! As long as there's honesty, which is vital for any relationship, you don't have to feel guilty for anything.

Most importantly, give yourself time. There's no rush to settle on a label or an identity right now, and you can always change your mind later if you think something else would fit better.

Giving you a hug and wishing you all the luck in the world anon 🖤 Whatever conclusion you come to is the right one and you are valid!

[devilsgatewayhq]

Name: Ella Cooper Age: 33 Time living in Tonopah: Native Occupation: Owner of The Scarlet Lounge Gang Affiliation: The Enterprise - Associate Neighborhood:  Downtown Face Claim: Emma D'Arcy

Biography (TW: drugs, death, grief):

For as long as Ella could remember, they had always wanted to belong. The middle of three children, they often found it hard to find their own footing, let alone their own personalities. Their parents had been the most genuine reflection of love and even when Ella didn’t quite know who they were it was still easy to feel taken care of, loved, and at home with their family. But after losing their parents right before their high school years, they set off on a path of self-destruction that they’re only now minorly recovering from. And even that is generous. For as long as Ella can remember they have wanted to be a part of Los Santos. Growing up in Tonopah Valley it felt like the thing to be. All of their friends growing up were either children of capos and sicarios or narcos and halcones themselves. They felt like they had spent so much of their life adjacent to the cartel that it would only be a matter of time before they were part of it. Ellla knew their parents would roll over in their graves at the idea of it all but they were gone and the more Ella got into drugs and alcohol the more logical it seemed that this could all be their world too. But perhaps almost as heartbreaking as losing their parents was losing their shot with Los Santos. They could barely make it through one round with a member, let alone two. They had spent all that time being observant, knowing the streets, and the science, but they hadn’t trained nearly enough to withstand what it took to really become a member. So…they failed. And in that failure, they found a self-loathing they still have not recovered from. For years after this loss, Ella found themselves floating. Going from job to job, ignoring calls from their sisters, sleeping their way through town and drowning themselves in whatever they could. They had passions and ambitions but none of them seemed to amount to much. Until one night, when they came upon a vacant building and got an idea. Something to pour their heart into. Something that could save them. But with all good things that felt too good to be true, it all came with a price. Now the proud owner of The Scarlet Lounge for the past five years, Ella seems like they’ve found their footing. They show up to work on time (mostly) and are well-liked by their staff and everyone who comes through their doors seems to have a good time. They throw themselves into helping out with cocktail concepts, prides themselves on knowing all the people brave enough to step up to do poetry, and is extremely dedicated to running a business that actually makes a profit. And none of it would have been possible without The Enterprise. It had all happened so quickly, the conversation, the agreement, The Enterprise taking advantage of Ella’s vulnerable state. It was almost as if they could see the future and their pitch had sounded too good to be true. Ella didn’t have enough to buy the building, and they didn’t have enough to do the construction or hire people. But The Enterprise did and in exchange, Ella was to let them use the Scarlet as a front for whatever they wanted. One week it could be laundering, the next it could be letting one of their own lay low in their back room for an extended period. On the worst days, it included getting their hands dirty, but they tried to avoid it as much as possible. Come off as someone who at least had minor boundaries. But there’s no denying how much they own Ella’s ass and how much they give in, figuring it’s their consolation prize for never making it with Los Santos. If drunk enough, they would admit that maybe, in all of this, it was spite that caused them to say yes to The Enterprise. Or maybe they just finally wanted a fucking break.

Headcanons: 

Ella’s two greatest loves are skateboarding and dogs. They usually prefer to skate around than drive but do own a shitty car that once belonged to their sister.

Avid devil’s lettuce smoker. Tbh has been trying to convince someone to let her turn The Scarlet into the part dispensary.

Really fucking smart but terrible with commitment. Graduated from college with their bachelors in English and could have easily gone onto a graduate program but said fuck it.

Was briefly engaged to a woman she loved deeply and dearly but she fucked it all up by self-sabotaging.

Is a hot mess but also a really loyal and loving individual (platonically at least). Super charming and loves to flirt. Can talk your ear off and then just ghost you.

A Libra Sun, Scorpio Rising, and Taurus Moon (YIKES)

[l-stintheworld]

If I was to tell you what I know you want to hear it's that I am here for you and will help you work through whatever it is you need to talk about. You can lean on my arm as you break my heart, you can be mean to me I can take it and put it inside of me. I'd tell you that you that I truly believe she is trying to make you jealous, and that I know one day she will come back to you because she will realise what she's given up even if that's years down the line, but I dont want you to be alone and spiralling while that happens. If I wasn't so clouded by my feelings I'd explain how she longs for your attention and love but doesn't know how to reciprocate, the same way you can't handle the way I feel for you. Maybe she isn't in as deep as you, but she craves that life long devotion that only you are providing to her. Now she may never come back to you, but she will always long for your feelings for her. She sent you those pictures because she wants you to be mad, she wants you to argue with her because in a fucked up way it shows you care more then you ever could if she was with you and you were happy together. If you allow it, she will do it forever and you should decide whether you are prepared to be that person for her at the cost of the love you could be receiving. But I dont know her, and I dont know 13 years of history between you, I only know what you've told me. It hurts because I'm too afraid to tell you all this because I know it would mean I'd lose you, and I'm being selfish so I will keep it to myself.

But if I was to tell you what I want to tell you for my sake and my feelings, it's that you should cut her out because I don't think she is capable of giving you want you need or deserve. I'm worried you would regret this and grow to resent me for it. I know I could be so devoted to you, and be your biggest cheerleader. You would be the "main character", I could make you feel that way and give you everything you want. But what you said keeps playing in my head, that a few years down the line we could have put in all this work to be together, we could be happy and she would come back and you'd go back to her. Not that I believe it would be a waste of my life, but you have to understand why I can't continue doing this if that's even a slightest possibility. I couldnt live knowing that your biggest regret would be choosing me because even though I know I don't deserve it, all I want someone who would be willing to do anything for me. I know she craves your devotion, because I think all women do. Maybe me saying that about her is just a protection of my own feelings. It's such a huge ask to want someone to care that much, for someone to love me that much so I never will. If I was protecting myself, I'd say we have to give it up sooner rather than later, before we're in a serious life destroying position, but I dont have the strength to do that because you know I've already given up so much for you. Maybe I'm just too emotional, maybe im ignoring every red flag, maybe I hate myself so much I believe I deserve a life of being the consolation prize and even though you have insisted that this isn't what it is, it's clearer that it is.

Instead of saying any of this, I will wait for you to message me first, I will give you space and I'll talk about whatever you want to talk about. I'll wait by the phone for when you when you want to call me and cry on your break, or when you want to sing to me before you go to sleep. I'll be here when you want to play a computer game or watch a YouTube video with me. I'll be here when you want me to be some rival and to argue about politics. I'll be here to give you unconditional love and acceptance when you need it. I'll do it all sobbing from 4500 miles away. I'll stay up until 4am to provide these things, I'll keep my phone on loud so you can wake me up when you finish work to tell me about your day. I'll try to be there for you but I can't pretend it doesn't hurt me that you'll never be there for me in the same way. I never expect that from you.

I just wish things were different, Adam.

[simplynashu]

Facebook isn’t deserving of this thought.

"My words are wasted on Facebook." I keep coming back to this conclusion, and I realize it's one I made forever ago. One day, I stopped coming to this site altogether. Now, I feel that moment coming again and the only reason I even still come back is that there's so much I want to say to the world that never had a place for me. For example, you never get over not having a place. The world as a whole has plenty of reasons it doesn't have to like you, especially when you're Black. To start your life at that step and spend so much of it finding out that there's further down to go is easily enough to break a weaker person, and that's why this world has so many broken people in it. But broken people will sooner break you too than ever let you be whole, and I think back to the comments and the looks--those silent hateful thoughts and I really have to ask, "Why do you think this is okay?" Several years ago, a hateful woman said to me that "We(she and her family) don't care about you." And I know she said this to hurt me but not why she thought it would, because there was not one point in my life where I ever thought they did. At my older sister's funeral, one of the people giving her eulogy said, "She said she doesn't have a family!" And I did not think, "That's awful!" but, "I never thought she would admit it." I don't think she ever heard the way the word "family," was said like I did. "Family*," with that asterisk, and a footnote saying there was always a stipulation. I do recall how hard she chased after that word though, looking for bonds where there were none because maybe that'll quiet that feeling she was running from. I wonder, how do you explain to the living and the dead what exactly went wrong? How do you speak when you have never been heard? I realized something recently. The reason a lot of conversations sound weird to me is because they aren't being had with the person in front of them. Because you see. In this world if you cannot see it with your own eyes then you cannot believe it, and yet people will tell me they believe in God when they can't even conceive Gravity or Growth. They think so much about how they don't want to be seen that they fail to ever see another. They'll say "Family*," again, with that asterisk. And this time the stipulation is that, "well, we're still blood..." Reluctant. Disgusted. Never with that modicum of hope and understanding that's supposed to come from believing in an Absolute Good. Begrudging, as if this is some sort of consolation prize. "Here. Take this and disappear!"   Take this poison pill and maybe we'll finally relent. "We don't care about you!" Said the hateful woman and the truth is just that you decided that I get to be the person you tied up and lit on fire. I get to be the sacrifice to something that will never give back to you because you're willing to kill me for free. "We don't care about you." She says of herself and her family* and this time the asterisk means that she hates them too, but hasn't found the justification to say it.  But, you see. When all you have is hate you rot the earth around you, killing any chance for anything to be more than something dead in the ground. If Misery loves company then it should be clear to you that Hatred lusts for ruin. Ruin that taints the soil, and kills the roots. Ruin you sow because maybe, if you're lucky, it'll kill the weed that grows upon the tree. And you're fine with that, so long as it does not come for you, because how could it? You are not a weed! You could not even be mistaken for one! So, what is a little necrosis rotting away the branch? Surely not a sign of the coming times. Surely not the last warning you get before the whole tree comes tumbling down. I am made tired by this rage. My own kindness feels like a noose around my neck, and I wonder how long before the lynching is made public. I really must undo it and turn those threads into a blanket to wrap around the child whose head is pounding because he can't figure out why Family* has an asterisk on it. Later in life, he will, and it is infuriatingly sad. It's a universal lesson. The world is full of people who try to hide bad intentions behind Good things. Sure enough, when that's the only thing left, Good will be good no more. "Family," should be about all the things it could be but people only see it as, "what it is for me." Family* not "Family," meaning a slave, a tool, a scapegoat, or a way to make yourself look better or win. Family* until you're none of the above, and then you aren't even that.

I go back to, “Why are you okay with this?” And honestly, it’s because they can’t imagine anything else. People can only believe in what they see, and when they only see a wretched world that is all they can ever strive to live in.

[ella-cooper]

“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.”― Mary Oliver

For as long as Ella could remember, she had always wanted to belong. The middle of three children, they often found it hard to find their own footing, let alone their own personalities. Their parents had been the most genuine reflection of love and even when Ella didn’t quite know who they were it was still easy to feel taken care of, loved, and at home with her family. But after losing her parents right before their high school years, they set off on a path of self-destruction that they’re only now minorly recovering from. And even that is generous.

For as long as Ella has wanted to belong, they have wanted to be a part of Los Santos. Growing up in Tonopah Valley it felt like the thing to be. All of their friends growing up were either children of capos and sicarios or narcos and halcones themselves. They felt like they had spent so much of their life adjacent to the cartel that it would only be a matter of time before they were part of it. Ellla knew their parents would roll over in their graves at the idea of it all but they were gone and the more Ella got into drugs and alcohol the more logical it seemed that this could all be her world too.

But perhaps almost as heartbreaking as losing her parents was losing her shot with Los Santos. She could barely make it through one round with a member, let alone two. She had spent all other time being observant, knowing the streets, and the science, but she hadn’t trained nearly enough to withstand what it took to really become a member. So…she failed. And in that failure, she found a self-loathing she still has not recovered from.

For years after this loss, Ella found herself floating. Going from job to job, ignoring calls from her sisters, sleeping her way through town and drowning herself in whatever she could. She had passions and ambitions but none of them seemed to amount to much. Until one night, when she came upon a vacant building and got an idea. Something to pour her heart into. Something that could save her. But with all good things that felt too good to be true, it all came with a price.

Now the proud owner of The Scarlet Lounge for the past five years, Ella seems like she’s found her footing. She shows up to work on time (mostly) and is well-liked by her staff and everyone who comes through their doors seems to have a good time. She throws herself into helping out with cocktail concepts, prides herself on knowing all the people brave enough to step up to do poetry, and is extremely dedicated to running a business that actually makes a profit.

And none of it would have been possible without the Enterprise. It had all happened so quickly, the conversation, the agreement, the enterprise taking advantage of Ella’s vulnerable state. It was almost as if they could see her future and their pitch had sounded so good to be true. Ella didn’t have enough to buy the building, and she didn’t have enough to do the construction or hire people. But they did and in exchange, Ella was to let them use the Scarlet as a front for whatever they wanted. One week it could be laundering, the next it could be letting one of their own lay low in their back room for an extended period. On the worst days, it included getting her hands dirty, but they tried to avoid it as much as possible. Come off as someone who at least had minor boundaries. But there’s no denying how much they own her ass and how much she gives in, figuring it’s her consolation prize for never making it with Los Santos. If drunk enough, she would admit that maybe, in all of this, it was spite that caused her to say yes to the Enterprise. Or maybe she just finally wanted a fucking break.

Headcanons:

Ella’s two greatest loves are skateboarding and dogs. They usually prefer to skate around than drive but do own a shitty car that once belonged to their sister.

Avid devil’s lettuce smoker. Tbh has been trying to convince someone to let her turn The Scarlet into the part dispensary.

Really fucking smart but terrible with commitment. Graduated from college with their bachelors in English and could have easily gone onto a graduate program but said fuck it.

Was briefly engaged to a woman she loved deeply and dearly but she fucked it all up by self-sabotaging.

Is a hot mess but also a really loyal and loving individual (platonically at least). Super charming and loves to flirt. Can talk your ear off and then just ghost you.

A Libra Sun, Scorpio Rising, and Taurus Moon (YIKES)

[beyond-far-horizons]

Wow what an episode! I thought they woven key aspects of Fire and Blood overall very well and laid the foundations of coming events fantastically.

Spoilers:

I really felt for Rhaenyra but I wanted to shake her, her father (and Alicent) are doing so much to support her as heir and she is doing (understandable) but stupid things to jeopardise that. Starting from last episode, the defiant princess pushing back against her role was really grating on me, which is funny as growing up it was a beloved trope of mine.

I can really see how Rhaenyra is inspired by Daemon and that leads to her behaviour (Strong boys) later on. Given photos, I hope the future arrangement is mutually beneficent for her, Laenor and all involved, but contrasting with how awful Alicent’s situation is and her quiet resignation to duty, I can see that causing massive resentment later (re dagger speech in the trailers).

Speaking of Alicent, I’m still a little non-plussed by the close friendship/possible sapphic undertones to hers and Rhaenyra’s relationship since it’s so different from Fire and Blood, but it makes things 100% more interesting and heartbreaking. I feel awful for her and can tell how she would get so invested in her children’s birthright especially when Rhaenyra’s flagrant pursuit of pleasure as well as power threatens them down the line.

Speaking of pleasure...wow Rhaenyra and Cristen! I thought this was so well acted by both performers. Rhaenyra felt like a young woman whose sexuality was newly awoken and after Daemon’s contrary behaviour she was desperate to prove her desirability and in some ways power over someone. I’m a little sad they haven’t taken time to develop Rhaenyra and Cristen’s bond as ‘her white knight’ like they emphasise in the book as Cristen definitely felt like a consolation prize to her at first, but as things went on there felt like a real connection. It was so good to see a soft love scene focusing on a woman’s desire, pleasure and agency in GOT.

As for Cole, this starts to answer the bizarre relationship/breakdown that happens in the book, it’s a really good mix of the different possibilities. I thought the whole scene was completely captivating as he slowly surrendered to her, even though I was screaming for them both to stop because it was such a bad decision on both sides. The emphasis on him removing his treasured White Cloak and all that means, in a weird way it was almost fetishized like the way a girl losing her virginity is in media. Rhaenyra ‘taking’ Cole’s precious virtue and breaking his illusion of the pure princess and true love definitely could account for Cole’s later actions. I can also see him spreading around the rumour Mushroom tells in Fire and Blood - that she tried to seduce him after being ‘sullied’ by her depraved uncle, but he (the pure, virtuous white knight) rejected her. Despite everything, the two actors and the direction really make me feel like we’ve wondered into a proper fairytale and a softer, more human story which is strange for GOT. Ready for the dream to be shattered soon since it is GOT lol.

Milly is excellent but she looks so young, it’s designed to make you feel uncomfortable and it does.

Sorry but the whole thing with Daemon was creepy to me both in the book and in this, but each to their own. However I’m really interested in the constant parallels between him and Rhaenyra. Really glad they emphasise if she had been man she could screw around as much as she wants. The real issue as it always is in a patriarchal society is that unless you control a woman and her sexuality, you can’t prove the father, only the mother. In an equal or matriarchal society it shouldn’t matter because Rhaenyra is the heir so her children should be heirs regardless. Of course they would be still born out of wedlock so *shrugs*.

Really wish they wouldn’t keep plugging the ‘Prince that was Promised’ storyline as that was the plot thread I loved the most from the books and it was so thoroughly ruined in the series it just makes me angry to recall it.

Oh and Alicent and Viserys - fan disservice! Poor Alicent :(

[bigskydreaming]

Headcanon that everyone within the family may think of Dick as the one most in their father’s favor, but Dick is keenly aware that the general public thinks of him as their father’s ‘Consolation Prize.’

After all, when from their perspective he’s the one Bruce raised since he was eight as his ward, with that dissolving when he was eighteen and very little perceived contact between the two of them for years after that, while Jason was adopted soon after being taken in and Dick was then later adopted years after Jason’s death, without any public fanfare.....

What does that look like other than Bruce ‘settling’ for the son who didn’t appear to be his first choice, just chronologically first, once he lost Jason but still needed/wanted an heir, as he was getting older and the general public still didn’t know yet how closely tied Tim was to the family or that it wouldn’t be long after this that Bruce adopted him too?

Now granted, you can definitely perceive the above as overly angsty and not the only way this situation was likely to be perceived outside the family, but my point is more that like.....nobody ever presumes that the general public are overly kind or generous in their views or assumptions about the Wayne family behavior. I just don’t buy that people assumed there was some optimistic explanation for the way things appeared here, or that people just went “oh its probably because the kid who grew up in that house the longest just doesn’t WANT to be adopted by the billionaire and have all the security that brings, and that’s also clearly why he lives in Bludhaven of all places and a shitty apartment building at that.”

I mean, no matter what WE the readers may know of Dick’s personal priorities and how little he cares about where he lives or that Bruce would have willingly paid for him to have a better place to live if he really wanted it, is that what people are most likely to assume, based on appearances?

Anyway, I’m just saying, I bet it bugs the crap out of Dick to hear his siblings casually refer to him as so obviously enjoying favored son status and being the clear apple of Bruce’s eye, as he’s like, cue internal monologue: gee, sure wish I was as confident of that back during the years he seemed to want nothing to do with me.

Like I’ve said before, I think Dick isn’t actually super insecure and his insecurities such as they are mostly revolve around how his family and friends perceive him, not the general public.....BUT I do think that with as high profile as the Waynes are, there’s no way that nobody picked up on how little contact Dick and Bruce had in the continuities where they literally went over a year without even speaking to each other....and like, felt free to draw their own conclusions.

 And I do think this is also part of why I default to thinking a lot of canon takes and headcanons tend to gloss over how shitty Gotham public could be in their views/treatment of Dick. Like just because Dick was basically trained from birth to be able to work a room and entertain people while in their direct presence, that didn’t actually make him ‘one of them’ in their eyes, and I reeeeeeaally don’t think you can actually underestimate the pettiness and jealousy one percenters feel when they see someone they inherently view as lesser than them - as they would’ve viewed both Dick and Jason due to their lower class births - like....’leap frogging’ over them into greater wealth via being taken in by Bruce. 

Like, idk, maybe it just comes from having been a scholarship kid who went to a richy rich private high school attended mostly by the children of senators and hotel-chain owners, lol, but like.......I can not for a second picture Gotham’s upper class actually LIKING Dick or being as charmed by him as they frequently are depicted as, just because Dick knows how to be charming and likable. Like they might play it that way when in public at a gala, for appearances or whatever....but the second he turned around they’d be badmouthing him at juuuuust a high enough volume to ensure he’d be able to HEAR them but not be able to call them on it without it looking like he went back and provoked a scene over something ‘nobody else around them heard them say’ or whatever. Just to make sure that no matter how well he came across in public social settings, he never ‘forgot his place’ or whatever or forgot that they were all too aware of it too.

And also also, it always kinda bemuses me that as much focus as the Court of Owls and Talons get in Dick’s narratives in canon and fic, that we’ve barely ever seen any examination of what the Court retroactively means for Dick’s years growing up around upper class Gothamites who likely included more than a few Court members.....like, we KNOW years later that like, all along there were these people who even without knowing who Batman and Robin were, like, knew Dick Grayson was their ‘Gray Son’ and intended to claim him as their weapon someday, and you can’t tell me that wouldn’t have factored into how they viewed and interacted with a child and teenage Dick Grayson as they attended many of the same social gatherings and functions. OR that Dick himself in the aftermath of the Court of Owls reveal, didn’t look back at his OWN childhood and reflect on how many creepy or uncomfortable encounters he had with various socialites that left him feeling decidedly skeeved out and not a fan of how they were looking at him or things they might have said to him, thinking themselves oh so clever for alluding to things he had no idea about......like, I imagine there had to be more than a few encounters from his younger years that always stuck with him, and after the Court of Owls revelation like....looked TOTALLY different to him, especially if he happened to know for sure that some of those very people were in fact Court members. BUT I DIGRESS.

All in all though it all circles back to the same thought for me.....people might have been polite to Dick’s face when he was growing up, but they most likely had plenty of shit to say the second his back was turned, and I doubt they were afraid to be overheard by him. Especially in his later years, once people noticed how distant he and Bruce seemed to be, and thus perceived that as meaning that nineteen year old Dick Grayson wasn’t as ‘protected’ by Bruce the way he was when he was younger.....meaning the people who were most jealous of Dick’s ‘catapulting’ up the social ladder and eager to knock him down a peg because of that, like....probably would have looked at the relative lack of contact between he and Bruce as far as anyone could publicly tell, and felt emboldened enough by that to up their snide whisper game with shit like gossipping about how oh, the Grayson boy may be back in Gotham again, but we all know he’s just poor Brucie’s consolation prize anyway, why, if he really cared all that much about the boy, he’d hardly have ever let him run off to Bludhaven of all places, without even making sure to staple the advantages and opportunities granted by the Wayne name to him the way he made sure to right off the bat with the younger one.....

So yeah. There’s my angsty musings on how Dick likely is perceived by Gotham public at large, and how his interactions with them - especially when NOT around Bruce and Jason and the rest of his family....probably very much does not match up with what they assume public perception of Dick is, given that in their eyes ‘everybody loves Dick Grayson,’ but in Dick’s experience ‘everybody may be charmed by Dick Grayson while he’s doing his best to be charming,’ but don’t mistake that for acceptance. Not when Gotham’s public are just as likely to dismiss him as the second choice Wayne heir and consolation prize to make themselves feel more important/elevated than him the second their own insecurities have them feeling intimidated by the wealth, power and prestige Dick does actually share in by virtue of being part of Bruce’s family.

[ilovelollipopx]

Can I see hcs for Ahri, Sona, Zyra, Soraka, Janna, Jinx and Lamb with an adopted child that is heavily implied to have had a very bad life before they took them in? The child is very shy, quiet and fearful, has nightmares and breaks down crying very frequently, and often comes to them seeking love and comfort

Ahri: The vastyan didn't have a normal childhood given that she used to be a fox before her encounter with that mage. However, she does remember her experience as someone young and curious making an impression in the human villages. There she got to experience how mortal children grew up, with varying living situations. In Ionia, it was very rare to find a child harmed by the hilt of life's sword. In any normal situation, she would try to find you a good place to stay, she knew many good people in her lifetime. However, with you it was different, throughout the days she would witness you squirm and wiggle from the nightmares that plagued your dreams. All she had known in the end was that she was the closest thing to a parental figure that you had for the time being. Although she would leave you with people she trusted from time to time to travel to places you could not follow. She'd always come back with a warm smile and gentle hug.

Sona: Is an orphan from Ionia herself, so she understood for the most part about being truly alone even when she had a loving family. However, when she caught you following her after hearing her play such a calming melody she was surprised. Your skin looked pale and eyebags lined your eyes, and at such a young age who wasn't to worry. Sona was adopted from a noble family, most nobles wouldn't concern themselves with an orphaned kid on the streets unless it benefitted a reason. At first, she guided you into her home, feeding, clothing, and providing a bed to sleep upon. The first night is when she had heard the troubles that ailed your sleep. With her etwalh in hand she began strumming her fingers along with the cords, each strum a hint of magic surrounded the two of you. She would play until a look of peace would grace your features.

Zyra: The sentient plant had always seen the floral creatures that would arise at her beckon her children. It was very odd when her overgrown vines had brought her a young child. However, you didn't seem scared, didn't even flinch as she examined you. She could easily have turned you into nutrition for her plants, yet Zyra couldn't help but pause as your body seemed to already accept that fate. Almost as if you were expecting something so terrible in the mind of a mortal to happen already. Deciding not to sacrifice a feeble child that wouldn't be enough source of nutrients anyways, at least that what she had reasoned herself with she kept you by her side. At first, she didn't know what to do when wet lubricant came streaming down your cheeks, plants didn't cry. All she knew was that you were in pain, not physical, but emotional. Human interaction had been nonexistent until now, though she would attempt to learn to care for you, tending to you as if you were the most prized flower in her garden.

Soraka: The Starchild has gone to countless places around runeterra whether she was wanted or otherwise to heal others and guide mortals on the right path. It wasn’t new to her to find someone so hurt by the world, it pained her heart that she found it in someone so young. She would stay and soothe the scars over your heart, the ones in your head, and wipe away the tears that would fall. Soraka will encourage and support you until you can go back into life without the fear of your past weighing you down until no more tears threaten to fall unless they are happy ones, and till you lie peacefully in your bed dreaming of great things.

Janna: When a child, a single fragile voice called out for help near Zaun she didn’t hesitate to swing down in her humanoid form. You appeared scared and alone and for once the spirit was surprised that she was faced with a situation she had not faced before. But she could sense the pain that you held inside, though she had heard and seen how mortals would comfort and console their young, she brought a comforting breeze around her. Zephyr flying and landing on to your hands as companion comfort. She would reside in this form for the time being until you wanted her to go.

Jinx: Grew up as an orphan from Zaun, one of the worst places for a child to grow up where people cared for themselves only and those unfortunate enough had to find their own ways to survive. Jinx still has her own problems that eventually dwell on her when she isn’t being chaotic and causing destruction. Randomly stumbling upon you gave her the bright idea that she would take you under her wing, though you weren't a Zaunite she’d teach you her ways. However, despite her unhinged and bad influential personality, she’d be patient in her own ways, attempting to console and comfort in ways she found worked for her. Such as blowing up random buildings or playing pranks on others.

Lamb: Between lamb and wolf both the incarnate of death itself lamb is the much more calming and reasonable one. If they ever found themselves in the custody of a small mortal child and decided to keep it, to the dismay of the wolf. Whenever they saw how badly you were affected by your past or life, the lamb would ask you in a gentle voice with a soft touch what wounded you so. Whether you tell her or not didn’t really matter because Lamb was the perfect mother figure. If Nightmares plagued your mind and gave you a hard time falling back to sleep she’d hum a melody until your eyes closed temporarily. Wolf eventually grows on to you as a very impatient and rushing father figure though he acts like a child sometimes as well. When the wolf sees your tears he gets antsy at first, wanting to hunt whoever hurt you, yet he rubs his head against your face when he realizes no one has and you just need comforting. The two know eventually your mortal life will come to an end, but for now, they will cherish you until they can’t.