#comedy bodega

[moderarato]

@infamous-if OCs 1/? | Sigrid Seymour (she/they) or professionally known as "Seymour", frontman of The Bodega Strays

[How would you describe your music?]: Dreampop with garage and goth influences. Cocteau Twins were quintessential for me growing up. Lyrically, Kate Bush is my goddess. Riveting questions, by the way [eye roll]. Haven't gotten that one in a while.

[Where'd the band's name come from?]: "Okay, that's better, at least. You ever notice how stray cats always end up inside bodegas? I kind of always felt like a stray and this band is kind of like a bodega. Sometimes it's shit [laughs], but it's going to always be there. It's home. Rent-free. And our manager is the shop owner who takes care of us — even though he seems like he doesn't want to."

[Do you own a cat?]: "Yeah, a rescue named Suddenly. Like 'Suddenly Seymour'. Comedy horror musicals are weirdly my guilty pleasure and it's–was–my drunk duet song."

[Who'd you sing it with?]: [Frowns] "Next question."

[C'mon, tell us!]: [Is already tearing the mic off of themselves in a feral rage]

(Off-mic): "Where the fuck are my cigarettes, Orion?! [pauses] [sighs] Pretty please?"

x

[druidx]

Her Countenance was Light - Chapter 41

CW: None AO3 ; Chapters: 01. 10. 20. 30. 40. Tag list (ask for +/-): @aquadestinyswriting, @hannah-heartstrings, @jacqueswriteblrlibrary, @babyblueetbaemonster @mr-orion

The sky is overcast, threatening rain, as Elo sits with Farren's phone, legs bunched on the green twill armchair, ear glued to the handset as she waits for the call to connect. "Emerald Star, Christopher speaking. How may I assist you?" "This is Detective O'Toreguarde, TPD. Could you put me through to room 1803?" The concierge pauses. "And may I enquire about the nature of your correspondence?" His Nibs is a high-profile guest; of course, they're screening his calls. "It's Triumvirate business. I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to disclose anything further." Another pause. "And whom should I say is calling?" Didn't she just–? But maybe the concierge is on her side… Elo sighs. "Lady Elowyn." "Very good, your Ladyship. Connecting you now." Elo can hear Farren humming from the bathroom, mingling with the drone of his electric razor. "Good morning, Lady Elowyn," comes a lilting, feminine voice. "This is Unka, His Majesty's personal assistant. What can I help you with?" "May I speak to His Majesty directly?" "I'm afraid he's still asleep at the moment. Perhaps I can help?" "I understand that making travel arrangements to return to Iceland may take some time. I thought, while that was completed, His Majesty and I could take in some more of the city sights. I'm still relieved of my duties as a policeman, and I suspect that neither of us is particularly keen to visit City Hall today." There's splashing coming from the bathroom now. The phone line stays quiet. Elo forges on, "Despite any implications made during yesterday's negotiation meeting, I have enjoyed His Majesty's company this past week, as a friend, and I have enjoyed showing him the city I love. If he's of the same mind, I would like to continue until he leaves." The silence from the other end of the phone continues, and Elo wonders if she's on speakerphone. In for a dollar… "I may also have a selfish motivation. The head of his security detail is my best friend. If these talks fall through I don't know when I'll be able to see her next. I already missed her wedding. I don't want to miss anything else. And His Majesty is the last link I have to my dear Aunt. I don't want to lose that either. "Please, Your Majesty, if you're listening, would you at least consider one final trip out with me?" The line stays silent. "I'm staying with Detective Breakwood at the moment. Or you can always reach me at the station." Elo gives Farren's number and her desk number, waits a few moments more, and sets the handset back in its cradle.

"Guess it didn't go well, huh?" Farren asks from the doorway. Elo scrunches herself further into the chair. "No. He wouldn't even speak to me." Farren bustles around the kitchen, making a cup of freeze-dry coffee. "You know, you were right. You're not expected at work or at City Hall." He keeps his back to her. "You could stay here and take a day?" Elo lets her head fall onto the backrest. Outside, central Toreguard is hidden by the haze of low clouds. The filigreed dome of the Theater d'Olidammara is a flat yellow. On the twin bridges, Comedy's traffic is nose-to-tail but Tragedy flows freely. She could take the day. But then do what – sit around and mope? At the end of Farren's street is a deli/bodega. Elo watches the crowds on the sidewalk dipping in and out with take-out cups or bags of cheap convenience, watching as they hurry on their way to a job or school or to care for someone. She wonders how many of them are also having a crappy week. How many of them also ache and grieve and have to push on. She shouldn't be so selfish. Elo uncurls and stands. "Just because I'm not expected, doesn't mean there isn't work to be done." Farren's shoulders slump as he gives a heavy sigh. "Yeah. S'what I thought you'd say." He turns and holds out a mug of coffee. "Here. Get this down you and we'll head on."

–––

At the station, Elo busies herself with the ever-increasing stack of paperwork in her in-tray; there's not much more to be learnt from Evie's journals, Cobbleskater tells her, and he can handle it himself. Elo suspects he's in a snit because she wasn't prompt with finishing the translations.

It's just shy of mid-morning, she's in the breakroom getting coffee with Ayton, when there's a stir in the bullpen. They peek out to see King Storri leaning against Elo's desk. Merri is idly pawing through the in-tray. Ayton looks up at Elo with a delighted grin. "Oooh, girl! Is that who I think it is?" "Yeah." "And just what did you do to get him to show up here?" Elo looks at Storri, back at Ayton, and presses a hand to her forehead. "Technically, it wasn't me. But I can't talk about it right now. Ask me again when I've got something stronger than coffee in my hand." Ayton's face drops. "Oh, shit. That bad?" "Worse." Elo takes a gulp of coffee, hands it to Ayton, straightens her shirt and steps out, once again fully aware that she has the attention of the whole bullpen on her.

"Your Majesty," she says, giving him a bow from the waist. "What can I help you with?" Storri startles upright, covers his startling with a cough, and inclines his head. "Detective O'Toreguarde. Is there somewhere more private we may speak?" "Of course, Your Majesty." Elo glances at her old companion, and adds with a bite, "Agent Gruksdottir, do you mind?" Merri waves from where she's now poking around in Elo's top drawer. "Not at all. On you go." Elo purses her lips and huffs. Merri glances up, sees Elo's face, says, "Oh," and sheepishly closes the drawer. Elo inclines her head in sarcastic thanks, then gestures the king ahead of her. "This way," Elo says, leading the way from the bullpen.

They find a free interview room, and Elo flips the marker to 'in use' as she ushers the king in. Elo stops on the threshold, but Merri gives a quick shake of her head; she'll remain out here. Elo closes the door and steps away, crossing her arms. "So," she says. King Storri draws himself to full height. "I have acted, to you in specific, in a most unbecoming manner. Having heard your words this morning and knowing that you were the butt of yesterday's farce, I have considered my behaviour and found it lacking. If you are still willing, I would enjoy a final day in your company to further explore the city you and my beloved call home." His beloved… Elo doesn't think she's going to get used to hearing anyone refer to Aunt Alexis as 'their beloved'. She loosens her arms. "Your apology is accepted. And I would love to show you more of Toreguard. I'd still like to apologise for yesterday–" Storri holds up a hand. "I think, perhaps, it best to leave politics aside. I understand your desire to have our two nations on speaking terms again, but," he turns his head away with a shake, "I cannot countenance it. Not anymore. Not after Drakemar, and after what they did to your Aunt, and now what they've tried to do to you. This is the final coffin nail." Elo swallows, allowing her gaze to fall with her shoulders. "I understand. I'll be showing you the city today, not as Lady Elowyn, but as Elo who could have been your step-child." Storri crosses the space between them and clasps her shoulder. "It is for the best." "Right. Well then," Elo looks up and forces a smile. "I know the perfect place to start."

–––

"They did love her, you know," Elo says. "Despite the Triumvirate bowing to the Business Consortium's wishes and placing the Edict, they loved her and the others enough to make these statues." They are standing on the quayside of the Ring Canal, bundled up against the spring drizzle, and staring across the busy water at the statues which stand sentinel at the edge of the City Hall Plaza. The Ring of Heroes, which Elo has delivered a short lecture on, is too far to complete on foot, so instead Elo has chosen to show him Alexis' statue. The gracefully carved marble gazes watchfully out over the city, the long rifle Foreign Policy resting at ease in her hands. A phantom wind twitches her trench coat and cornrows. "They love her still, too. There're always parties on the anniversary of Greydown's defeat. Always toasts to her skill and bravery. Although," Elo's gaze falls away, "with each passing year they love the legend a little more and the person a little less." Storri is immersed in a thoughtful silence. "Why are we not up there?" Merri asks. "Enezeag, Felix and Darrius are," Elo says. "Technically, you're a traitor, and I keep – ahem – forgetting to attend the sculpture sittings." Merri laughs and loops an arm over Elo's shoulder. "Never change, cridhe. Never change."

They move on to the City Museum. It's a beautiful building, made of red brick and terracotta mouldings, and filled with the story of Toreguard's rise, fall, and phoenix-like regeneration. Elo focuses their attentions on the parts her aunts have played in the city's history, how they fought for it and saved it. She draws Storri's attention, too, to the descriptions of Greydown – the man who thought himself above others and brought ruin down on everyone, including himself. The King smiles tolerantly, and Elo has to remind herself of course he knows about it already; it's much more recent history for him than it is her. Storri strides past the section on Drakemar and his emissary with barely a glance. Elo doesn't understand what his issue with Drakemar is. She can't see what's wrong with taking money from a wealthy benefactor and turning it around to rebuild the city and rehome all the people displaced by the bombs and subsequent fighting. There've been some small concessions in governance which benefit Drakemar and his people, she knows that, but isn't that acceptable when, without him, Toreguard would not be standing? But he said no politics, so she doesn't bring it up, and they move on to the museum restaurant instead.

Elo finds herself wanting to apologise to the staff and other patrons as Storri's security sweeps in to clear a whole corner – one with the best view, no less. To their credit, the maître de doesn't bat an eye, and lunch, with a complimentary bottle of bubbly, goes down well; the cheque that Unka hands over, with such a great deal of zeros, probably helps a lot too. They linger up there, with Elo pointing out the dome of Theater d'Olidammara, now glittering in the sunlight pushing through fat clouds, and the university buildings behind it. City Hall takes up most of the view from the other direction, but in the distance, they can just make out the obelisk-shaped spire of the Temple of Heironeous.

Then it's time to move on, but not without one last little stop. The way up to the restaurant is lined with portraits, which had Storri pausing by each to examine and read over the placard. So Elo steers them out via the Ovoxi Hall, a large room of which one wall is taken up entirely by the faux-renaissance painting The Casting of Challenge Seeker. The mighty canvas depicts five heroes standing with their backs to the viewer at the top of a crenellated tower, while around them are littered the corpses of demons. In the tumultuous clouds above a titanic, Olympian-esque figure is visible from the waist up. This Titan has his arm outstretched in the starry heavens, as if he has just thrown the silver sword which glitters like the north star just beyond his grip. Storri reads the info plaque next to the recommended-viewing bench, making noise of exclamation as he learns the piece is younger than Elo, that it was gifted by an anonymous creator and donor almost as soon as the museum opened, and just what it represents. He then steps forward to take in the details of the smallest member of the party, and once he is done, turns back to Elo with a solemn nod.

Outside the museum, Elo hails a punt and asks the punter to take them a circuitous route to the covered markets at Olmsafon. As they travel �� down the North Trunk then turning East into progressively smaller waterways – Elo finds herself giving a running commentary of each district and item of import they pass. Sometimes it's a grand event, sometimes it's a silly memory, but it builds up into a verbal cloth, woven of all the threads that tie her, and tied her Aunt, to the city they both love; a cloth which Elo, with all the skills she can, drapes around Storri to show him Toreguard and her people are worth his attention and alliance.

The markets are bustling as the punter pulls up to the docks. As they disembark, Merri shoots Elo a distinctly unimpressed look, which Elo accepts with a repentant tilted head. It's possible, having lost track of the days, she hadn't quite thought this one through – with so many locals doing their weekly shop and tourists enjoying the ambience, it makes the King much harder to protect. But equally, Elo reasons, if someone deliberately meant to do him harm they would need to know his movements in advance; and considering that none of them knew an hour ago where they were headed, Elo thinks it's probably safe. And anyway, she thinks – as she wanders around with him, their arms linked like a step-child and father aught, pointing out things that take his fancy and she explaining some particular oddity brought by the city being such a melting pot of culture, chatting with the vendors, sampling victuals, and buying an increasingly extravagant amount of goods – he's relaxed and having fun. She does not like the amount of grief that he had been subject to by Brauma; Merri said he was here in part to take a break from everyday stress, and Elo should be facilitating that, not causing more.

It's just past four when they exit the markets. A car is called to take all the parcels back to Storri's rooms, and then they move on for afternoon tea at a rather hidden, and thus exclusive, cafe that Aunt Selene liked to frequent. Elo hasn't been here in a while – it's one of those places that, on a copper's salary, is quite a lot out of her price range – but it's just as delightful as she recalls. They're tucked into a snug by themselves, bestowed with pots of tea, stands of petit four and finger sandwiches, and told to holler if anything more is needed. So they sit and chat, and Elo tries to absorb having Merri by her side, storing up the feeling like a squirrel stores food for the winter.

They've been having a ribald conversation on the knife-edge of decency – the sort they used to have, back when they travelled together – when they both become aware that King Storri has not said anything in some time. He's staring down at the tartlet on his plate with some intensity. "Kóngurinn minn?" Merri says gently. He sucks in a breath as if he was very far away. "While I am aware it was I who requested no political discussion, I have been thinking…" Both women set down their cups and pay attention. "Elowyn, it has been a joy getting to know you this past week. You are an expert conversationalist, knowledgeable in many areas and the love you feel for your city is tangible. That you have anticipated my want to learn more about the home of my beloved is a grace. As you wished not to lose connection with Agent Gruksdottir, I too, should not like to lose connection with you. "Thus, I would like to offer you citizenship of Iceland." Elo feels her mouth drop open as she stares. "That is… an incredible offer. Thank you." The cogs in her brain whirr at this opportunity, and she pounces on it. "I would be honoured to accept… "Except, and I am in no way trying to downplay or dismiss what you're offering, but I must ask. What of Toreguard's people – don't they deserve to see Iceland too? To see her sprawling mountains, volcanoes and geysers. To eat puffin in Fangthane and drink brennivín made from glacier waters. What of those who want to watch an aurora in the spray of a waterfall?" Storri's brow furrows. "You never give up, do you?" At this Merri laughs. "She'd fight to the bitter end if you let her." Storri takes a bite from his tartlet. "And what of your own people?" Elo asks. "I'm sure they'd relish the opportunity to eat as you've eaten. Cakes and curry and the Conquistador's Revenge. Puffin gets wearisome for every meal." An eyebrow raise. "It's not that bad," Storri mumbles. Elo looks at Merri. "With respect, Kóngurinn minn, it does get tiresome very quickly when it's your main source of protein." "And that is nothing to speak of when compared to a village's grain being turned to hardtack right after harvest." Something shifts on his face then, brows furrowed as he stares at his tartlet. He remains quiet and thoughtful, and Merri makes some comment, and she and Elo take up whatever thread they'd been talking about.

Storri sets his tartlet down, half-eaten, his expression so serious that it is just shy of a glower. Elo and Merri leave off their conversation again. "I will not truck with either the Master of the Exchequer nor the Acting Magister," Storri says. "Even if your tastes swayed towards men, even if I did not see you as the child of my beloved Alexis, even then your age would not allow me to accept you as a spouse. I remain infuriated with those prune-shriven runions for their blatant disregard, disrespect, and cavalier, vinegar stunt. "The actions of those black toads aside, you have shown me this day that Toreguard is as fair as one could hope, filled with as exotic sights and sensations as any traveller could dream of. The vibrancy of her people and the care and enthusiasm in which you have shown these things has convinced me that perhaps not all hope is lost for this city. "I will persevere with negotiations, but only with yourself or Strucker. I have no desire to engage with any other of your council." The elation rising in Elo's chest during Storri's little speech dies a cold, hard death. "You are aware that, despite my pretty title, I don't have any real power? You will have to deal with Clayrmantle eventually. After Greydown, it was decreed that no singular person would ever have that much executive power again. So while the Senate can vote in favour of a resolution, in order to pass, it requires the signatures of at least two Triumvirate members. Something as large as this may even require all three." The King regards her with a flat stare, eyes flashing like embers, and Elo thinks she's screwed the whole thing again. But these are the facts and there is no escaping them. He says, "I will not deal with Exchequer Brauma. I cannot guarantee my behaviour will befit my station while around him." "Alright. I can sit in and moderate any meetings with Clayrmantle. And, while I can't guarantee this will be accepted, I can request that the Secretary to the Treasury be the Exchequer's proxy in meetings that would require him. Is that acceptable?" Storri lifts his chin, considering the colourful bunting along the snug's picture rail. "This is acceptable. With this in place, I feel we could finalise an accord between our two states." Elo smiles, letting out a slow breath, feeling her spirit soar. He turns his gaze back to Elo. "I have one final condition." She feels her heart still in its victory dance. "I would expect that I will have to return several times to complete this deal. At each of these visits, you will take me to a different eatery or watering hole, and let me dine in anonymity with you." Elo grits her teeth, assuming a grim expression. "Agreed. Then I also have a further condition. I request a new artwork featuring your country that I can display in The Shield and proclaim you the donor." Storri nods in regal consideration. "It is done then," he says. His eyes never leave Elo's as he speaks, though his lips tremble in the suppression of a smile. "Unka will have the contract drawn up when we return to the Emerald. I will have this deal in writing." From the other table, Unka says, with laughter in her tone, "Já, Konungur minn." Merri stifles a chuckle. At that Storri breaks, his grin wide and mischievous, his laughter a roll of thunder, starting small as a chortle and rising to guffaw, and Elo finds herself following right along with him. "Oh, my child. Your face – it was a picture!" King Storri chuckles, as Elo finds she has to wipe her eyes at the mirth spilling from them – such is her nervous relief. "You rotten old troll!" she gasps out, grinning. "You had me really worried for a moment there." Storri finally finishes off his tartlet. "I look forward to being able to festoon your community hall with the finest art my countrymen have to offer." Elo smiles widely at that. "And it will be my pleasure to introduce you to all the flavours my city can offer your palette."

[honeybeeloxs]

 Well, Blow it Off.

Ethan Landry x Original Male Character Originally posted on Archive of Our Own

THIS CONTAINS SOME SPOILERS FOR SCREAIVI SO AVOID AT YOUR OWN RISK!

WEDNESDAY | 7:26 PM | NEW YORK CITY

Quinn and Riley have been friends since 11th grade; however, keeping up with her was physically impossible, and her being 'sex positive' didn't help it at all, but she was his friend. Nonetheless, he still loved her like a sister. Once she moved in with Sam, Riley rarely saw her only in film class, but that was it, so here he is walking alone on a Wednesday Night, a bit weary because of what happened to Ms. Crane; I mean, just last week both of you were talking to her about how terrible the 'STAB' movies are, I mean come on Riley couldn't get past the first one without making Quinn want to choke him.

DING DING DING...

'QUINN'

ACCEPT DECLINE

"Hey, I'm almost there," you said, looking behind you and constantly ensuring someone wasn't following him while a frown crept as your thought of Ms. Crane.

"Okay, well, can you hurry? She's driving me crazy, y'know?" Quinn snapped back, and by her tone, you could tell she was annoyed.

"With who?" you ask curiously.

"Who do you think?" Quinn snaps back quickly.

"Ah... Is it Sam?" his pace stops as you look around.

"Yea, I know she's my roommate, but she can be a little overbearing," she says calmly.

"Anyways... have you talked to Ethan today? You started questioning your boyfriend. I've been calling him; however, he isn't answering his damn cell, which is odd."

"I heard he had some study group, Anika saw him, but that was it. Well, she's in the living room with Mindy and all, but yeah." your best friend said on the other line, which is weird.

"Okay, off-topic totally, but I'm heading to the mall tomorrow after class; you should come; I mean, I don't have my license, but your daddy's a police officer, so I think he'll let me off with a warning," you say to Quinn while looking at a Bodega.

"I mean, maybe, but-" he interrupts Quinn. "Oh, Hold on, another call," However, Quinn tells you to blow it off. "Hello?"

"Hello." the unknown caller responds.

"Listen, I hate to be blunt, but I think you got the wrong number," you said with venom as your eyebrow raised.

"What's your favorite scary movie?" the caller asks.

"I don't watch them, a bunch of shit anyways. I'm more of a comedy or thriller type of person," he tells the voice on the other end. "Listen, bud; I gotta run, so bye." you hang up on him; weird, right? You need help remembering the plot of that movie. It probably was nothing, and honestly, I haven't seen any Horror movies since 'STAB'; however, that was years ago.

"Who was it?" Quinn asks curiously.

"Don't know, some weirdo asking me what Horror movie I liked," you respond to her. "Well, anyways, I'm at the front door. Can you buzz me in?" you tell Quinn.

WEDNESDAY | 7:48 PM | QUINN'S APARTMENT

"Hey, Riley. Anika chirps happily to see you.

"What are we watching?" he asks curiously, wanting to know.

Anika pauses for a minute, trying to think of the movie before Mindy, sitting at the dining table, says, 'SAW 3.' Anika turns to him and nods.

"Ugh, I hate those movies. It's not scary. It's just gross; I hate the torture porn shit." you say to Mindy, with your back facing the TV.

Quinn starts groaning from her bedroom, and you roll his eyes and look at Anika. "Guess she's with her 'boyfriend' again." but the groans start to get a little violent, and bangs from her room.

Worried, You get up. "Quinn...? you okay...?" he says while Mindy tells him to return to the couch, but you approach the door. "Quinn?"

Quinn's body shot out of her room, landing on top of you, staining your neon green cardigan; confusion. plasters your face before Sam pulls Quinn off your body. You panic and try to get up with Anika and Mindy trying to pull you up; however, Mindy gets slashed in the arm, and Ghostface kicks you in the nose with his boot causing blood to spill all over his white pants; he grasps your neck with both hands and begins to choke you.

Anika tries to shove Ghostface off of him. However, he turns and stabs her in the stomach before pushing her into the fireplace. He feels lightheaded before Sam slams a knife block against the attacker's face. Anika and Mindy run through the front door while Sam and I flee to Quinn's bedroom and push her dresser before her door, knocking on her framed photos on the floor.

"Hey!" A man from the next apartment screams at Sam. "Don't worry; I got you." he tries to hand Sam a ladder.

"Are you crazy?" Sam replies with disbelief on her face.

"You got any other ideas?" he replies, staring her down.

"No." Sam takes the Ladder and places it on the window seal. Sam crawls through the window and tries to cross.

"Sam, Hurry!" You say to her as his bleeding nose stains his clothes while Ghostface tries to kick down Quinn's bedroom door.

Climbing up onto the window seal, "shit..." he mumbles as his bloody hands grab the Ladder and try to move my legs; looking up at Sam, my face scrunched up.

"Guys, I can't," you yell, tears brimming his eyes. However, Ghostface breaks down the door, and you quickly crawl onto the Ladder.

"BEHIND YOU!" Sam screams at him as she tries to crawl out the window frantically; she waves her hands, gesturing in a come-on motion.

You look behind him, scream, and crawl across the Ladder quicker, but Ghostface grabs the Ladder and tries to shake you off.

"Riley, give me your hand!" Sam screams and grabs Riley's hand as the Ladder falls below

CLANK

The Ladder makes a noise as it hits a dumpster below, You try to hold onto Sam's hands, but his blood-covered hands make it more challenging the neighbor pulls on his cardigan, pulling him into the apartment.

THURSDAY| 10:03 PM | NEW YORK CITY

"Anika went to the hospital and said she's alright, but the stab wound was deep, so Mindy's with her." you overhear Sam saying to Tara; you can't say you're unhappy. Anika is a close friend; she tried to help you when Ghostface strangled you for a good minute. Ethan showed up; he's your boyfriend, but you suspected him and asked him where he was.

You felt terrible within seconds for suggesting that Ethan was a murderer and had also attempted to kill you after he told you what seemed to be the truth. He presented you with a solid alibi, and you regretted your assumptions in seconds.

"I thought we were close? I mean, we are dating." Ethan says as he crouches down to you.

You believed Ethan was right about those things. He hugs you, and you apologize; Ethan pulls you in for a kiss.

[mcondance]

Do you remember when people were saying Hobie would have a soft spot for Queen Elizabeth? LMFAO

i wish i could forget

speaking of that.. ​niggas takin that ‘i don’t believe in consistency’ thing and beating it into the ground.. when spidermen (all genders) put their masks on, they aren’t their regular selves anymore. mostly everything they say turns into a bit, smth like a comedy routine. that’s why there’s such a shift between mask-on spiderpunk who’s talking and yellin and saying shit like “i’ll do it, but not because you told me to” in his little valley girl accent and mask off hobie who’s laid back and chill.. cause it’s a bit. it’s a joke. the mask adds a layer of confidence and charm. notice how miles is kinda awkward outside his spider suit.. but with it on we get scenes like the bodega fight with spot. “i don’t believe in consistency” was borne from hobie getting caught up doing something that went against what he said earlier in his bit. that could have been a lie. it was most likely A LIE! DO NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING SPIDERMEN SAY WHEN THEY HAVE THEIR MASKS ON.

[clockwrkcabaret]

Extra Ordinary

WARNING! This show is for adults. We drink cocktails, have potty mouths and, at least, one of us was raised by wolves.

The Clockwork Cabaret is a production of Agony Aunt Studios. Featuring that darling DJ Duo, Lady Attercop and Emmett Davenport. Our theme music is made especially for us by Kyle O’Door.

This episode aired on Mad Wasp Radio, 06.02.24.

New episodes air on Mad Wasp Radio on Sundays @ 12pm GMT! Listen at www.madwaspradio.com or via TuneIn radio app!

Playlist:

Spiritualized – Ladies And Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space

Headless Heroes – Hey, Who Really Cares

John Grant – GMF

The White Stripes – We’re Going to Be Friends

Adjoa Skinner – Bikini

The Magnetic Fields – Absolutely Cuckoo

Courtney Barnett – History Eraser

Faye Webster – I Know I’m Funny haha

Caroline Rose – More of the Same

The Divine Comedy – Queuejumper

The Bastard Fairies – Habitual Inmate

Screamin’ Jay Hawkins – I Put a Spell On You

Sia – The Co-Dependent

Julian Cope – Sunspots

Andrew Simple – Won’t Believe Your Eyes (feat. The Phantoms)

BODEGA – How Did This Happen!?

Wet Leg – Chaise Longue

Red Money – No Rules

The Shins – Sleeping Lessons

FIDLAR – Called You Twice (feat. K.Flay)

The Go! Team – She’s Got Guns

Sleigh Bells – Rill Rill

Mitski – Thursday Girl

CHAI – Nobody Knows We Are Fun

Princess Nokia – Tomboy

Superorganism – Everybody Wants to Be Famous

XVOTO – Mommy Can’t Sleep

Check out this episode!

[roskirambles]

Horror Movie of the day: The Birds (1963)

Melanie Daniels is a socialite visiting a bird store, when lawyer and brief acquaitance Mitch Brenner approaches her under the guise of confusing her for a store eployee. Charmed by the act, she decides to pay him a visit at coast town of Bodega Bay with the present he was seeking for her sister: a pair of lovevirds. After crossing the lake on a boat and hiding the two birds, she gets attacked by a seagull. Mitch tends the wound, and learning some more about the man and his family looks like it might be the start of something. But the birds in town keep acting more strange by the hour.

Loosely based on the short story by Daphne du Maurier, this Hitchcock classic manages to use a seemingly silly premise to a genuinely unnerving effect. The appeal of natural horror lies in the simple observation of how surprisingly vulnerable humans are to changes to the enviromnent. For how small and generally timid birds are to people, they easily outnumbering humans in certain spaces which creates scenarios where you'd feel surrounded should these creatures be more overtly hostile. And the movie knows this, basically starting with some tropes that would be at home in a romantic comedy, just to then throw a monkey wrench into that plot and gradually devolve into chaos with a situation that has no explanation or real respite but simply... is.

One of the things this film is notorious about is the lack of any background music. An unusued idea carried over from Psycho, the effect is striking: with only recordings of birds and synthesized replications by Bernard Hermman, the soundscape is an envelopping, trapping cacophony of animal sounds, while the beats of deafening silence makes some scenes of carnage and paranoia be treated with disturbing indifference.

It's more than a tad dated in some of the visual effects, but the tension it creates is still agonizing decades later. You'll pretty much never see birds the same way again.

[cantsayidont]

Haterating and hollerating in the 1990s again:

BLUE STEEL (1990): Slick, stupid, unpleasant Kathryn Bigelow thriller is copaganda for true crime addicts: New NYPD cop Megan (Jamie Lee Curtis) kills a bodega holdup man her first night on the job and is immediately suspended because bystander Eugene (Ron Silver), a nebbish commodity trader, has surreptitiously pocketed the robber's gun — which he then uses to become a serial killer while cultivating an obsession with Megan, trying to insinuate himself into her life and then murdering people she knows. Even though Megan directly witnesses some of his crimes, her superiors refuse to take her accusations seriously because she's a woman, so all she can do is wait for an opportunity to shoot it out with Eugene that won't look like she's set him up. Dire. CONTAINS LESBIANS? You might ship Curtis with Elizabeth Peña (wasted as Megan's best friend), but it would only make things worse. VERDICT: An acute distillation of white libfem victimhood, but no fun on any level.

THE GLASS SHIELD (1994): Underwhelming police corruption drama/thriller about the first Black deputy in a racist L.A. County Sheriff's station (Michael Boatman), who tries unsuccessfully to challenge his colleagues' various ugly deeds (including the murder of a Black prisoner and running a murder-for-hire racket) while becoming unwillingly complicit in them. His only ally is the station's first and only female deputy (Lori Petty), who's just as much of an outsider as he is. Except for a stupid comic book-style opening intended to illustrate the protagonist's idealism, the plot is pretty realistic — including a more than usually downbeat ending that's a grim reminder that changing systems like these from within is a fool's hope — but it's dramatically lackluster: Boatman is fine, but his character has no real depth; an array of prominent actors (among them Elliott Gould, Ice Cube, and M. Emmet Walsh) are stuck in dull tertiary roles; and while Petty's presence is welcome, she doesn't have much to do. CONTAINS LESBIANS? Nope. VERDICT: Its resistance to pat happy endings to systematic problems is commendable, but it desperately needs dramatic juice that's not forthcoming.

MYSTERY DATE (1991): Curious, clunky hybrid of teen romcom and black comedy, starring a young Ethan Hawke as awkward teenager Tom McHugh, whose slick older brother Craig (Brian McNamara) rolls back into town while their parents are away and sets Tom up on a date with the cute next-door neighbor he's been crushing on (Teri Polo), even getting him a new haircut and some new clothes for the occasion. However, Tom soon realizes people are mistaking him for his brother — and discovers that Craig's '50s convertible, which Tom has borrowed for the big date, has a corpse in the trunk! A potentially audacious premise is undermined by flaccid pacing, a needlessly convoluted plot, unclear stakes, and a protagonist who spends so much time reacting to things that the script never bothers to give him an actual personality. Fisher Stevens also strains patience in an obnoxiously hammy supporting role as an unhinged flower delivery driver, although B.D. Wong is amusing as a foppish gangster. CONTAINS LESBIANS: Also nope. VERDICT: Not dark enough to be compelling, too dark for a regular teen romcom, and it mostly just lies there.

[wrongmeat]

I think it’s really interesting how media can affect people, long after they’ve seen it. In late 2021 my friends were coming to visit me in New York City, I wanted something fun for us to do. None of the Broadway shows interested us at all, so I started looking into off Broadway productions. I’m not entirely sure how I came across it, but eventually I came to a contender. ‘The Antelope Party’ It was a black comedy about bronys and their new neighborhood watch. Me and me friends were chronically online autistic adults in our 20’s, and mild MLP enjoyers, so we had to see this show. I didn’t do much more research then that, I bought the tickets and I waited for the date.

The night of, we got bodega sandwiches and walked to the theater, that was coincidentally very close to my house. This isn’t important, but I remember it.

Inside, the stage was very small, decorated like someone’s basement living room, with of course a bit of pony flair. I was looking forward to a comedic night. Nothing could have prepared me for the cutting fascist allegories and bleak events that unfolded in front of me over the next few hours, like an impending train wreck you couldn’t look away from. 

It’s clearly been a few years since I’ve seen it, and you know what? I don’t even remember how it ended, aside from the fact it was ambiguous and me and my friends disagreed on what it meant. But I do remember how it made me feel, the clear demonstration of the paradox of tolerance, of how corrupting power and authority can be. At the time, it was extremely relevant in the climate, proud boys running rampant. It still feels relevant now, and it’s somewhat crushing to be part of such a small number of people who got to see it. There were a few other productions around the country, but I don’t think it got the credit it deserved. You can buy and read the script for 15 dollars. More people should know about The Antelope Party. 

[gsohb]

Jennifer Lopez: What Happened Here?

Jennifer Lopez; Marry Me (2022)

I remember my first Jennifer Lopez C.D. I was about 9, or 10 and received On The 6 as a gift.

I don't actually remember if I had been a fan of Lopez at the time (I was hip to Britney, though, I remember that!), as soon as I heard the opening to "If You Had My Love", I was hooked.

On my adorable, hot pink boombox, was when I first really remember hearing Jennifer Lopez sing. Although a little mature, the song nonetheless had lyrics that actually weren't too bad for a young girl of the 90's to hear - love, trust, comfort me. Don't lie to me.

I was absolutely mesmerized with Jennifer Lopez. She was pretty, fun, seemed kind (I was a kid), and as I began to watch her films, I fell in love with her portrayals, especially in Selena, and Enough.

I don't care what y'all say, them movies were GOOD.

Aww, so cute.

J.Lo was born Jennifer Lynn Lopez on July 24th, 1969 in New York City. She is known though, for being raised in The Bronx section of the city.

Most of the old heads (myself included) might remember Jennifer from before her musical career; her time on the sketch comedy show In Living Color, and in films like Money Train (1995), Selena (1997), and Anaconda (1997).

This is where Jennifer soared. Her acting. By the time she'd dived into music, she had already had a very loyal fan-base.

I don't exactly know what happened, but sometime around the late 1990's, she decided to dive into music, met Sean "P.Diddy" Combs, and as we know, the rest, it's now history (I hope).

But now, it's 2024, and Jennifer is no longer liked.

Her fans? They're few.

Concerts? Not selling.

As a (why cap?) lifelong fan, I have to admit, that there have been reports, that Mrs. Affleck doesn't actually sing as much as we think she does, on her albums.

These claims, along with people who have stated that meeting her was quite unpleasant, paint a picture as to why Mrs. Affleck, today, is not only losing popularity, but building an anti-brand.

A part of me wonders if Jennifer's recent film, This Is Me...Now, has a bit something to do with the growing disdain.

From looking at people's reactions to her self-funded film, a love story so to speak, it occurred to me: Jennifer isn't being authentic.

Jennifer is showing people a very shallow, pretty, gussied up version of her true emotions.

When she sits in her bedroom, brokenhearted, is this truly how she feels? I think people are upset, because when watching these kinds of statements from Jennifer, like her constantly professing about being from The Block, people get exhausted.

They feel like Jennifer is faking the funk, not showing her true, raw, maybe even ugly, scary side. One thing we can say about singer/actress Beyonce, is that she is NOT afraid to show us her scary side.

But Jennifer has never gone there (with us). She's never truly shown us a stripped down, raw version of herself.

That's what crossed my mind this morning as I sipped by 1$ bodega coffee.

But...then another thought came in.

What if this is it with Jennifer?

What if this is all there is to her? And us, the demanding, hungry public, is asking a bit more than she can actually give.

Jennifer Lopez - Affleck: Is that all there is?

[haliyahfm]

( zuri reed , twenty8 , cis woman , she/her ) ⎮ would ya look who it is , haliyah moore in the flesh ! dude , i heard they were a dj for kiss 89.5 at that place across town . yeah , no , they’re the one that’s really gutsy and warm-hearted but my buddy said they’re super uncompromising and a bit excessive too . i wonder what they’re doing over here though ? c'mon let’s go back to my place and i can show you their myspace profile , it autoplays this must be the place (naive melody) by talking heads when it boots up , it’s great . ⎮

full name: haliyah corinne moore nicknames: hali, yaya birthday: august 16th (28 years old, leo) hometown: columbus, ohio gender and sexuality: cis, bisexual woman education: bachelor's in communications from nyu occupation: radio dj for kiss 89.5 pets: moose (shih tzu mix rescue, 3 years old) favorite hobbies: autumn roadtrips to watch drive-in movie double features, keeping up with her favorite soap operas daily, playing dungeons & dragons, volunteering at the public library to spread wholesome chaos, reading tea leaves and tarot cards, sliding on her socks on hardwood floors

about

haliyah moore (hali to her loved ones) grew up in the suburbs of columbus, ohio wishing she was in new york city. like most little kids, she dreamed of wearing a feather boa down fifth avenue in defiance of the fashion elite and living in a park-view apartment with her best friend where they could complain about the horror of modern dating. what do you mean, that wasn’t most little kids? alright, it wouldn’t exactly be the last time hali wasn’t like most kids.

with dreams of new york like hali’s, columbus was a small pond in comparison. she was the free spirit, the dreamer, the rebel; the kind of person who got bored of following the rules and started playing by her own rules instead. her mothers were both biologists who studied at nyu and hali’s twin sister was the future valedictorian, so it only made sense that hali took a hard left into the absurd. she was the court jester of her high school’s theatre department, speech & debate team, and its worst garage grunge band (not to mention the band’s guitarist).

when hali and her sister graduated, her sister had a full-ride scholarship and a summer internship lined up, and hali had a buttercup yellow 1970 convertible beetle and a dream. that dream: spend the three months she had until new york road-tripping through the continental us. every corner, every nook and cranny, haliyah wanted to explore it. bars she had to sneak into, tires she had to change on the side of the freeway in the middle of nowhere, the tears she cried when she broke her arm in texas and realized she was on her own; she cherished every moment.

by the time hali finally reached new york, even with the most summer behind her, it was clear that this was still the beginning of something new and terrifying and enchanting. and she was positively enchanted by new york. nyu and a whole host of student loans took her in with open arms. it quickly introduced her to improv comedy, late-night college public radio, jungle juice, and college boys, and the rest was history. her senior year heralded in her first real adult relationship and her most important decision to date: accepting an internship at a dinky little radio station in brooklyn. 

six years later, she’s only had to hop between three stations, most recently landing at kiss 89.5 in columbus circle. it’s been three years at the station and she’s finally got a decent timeslot, but she’s never stopped dreaming of being the dj on all the billboards; the one everyone tunes in for rather than just her die-hard fans and the mildly interested listeners who didn’t really care whose voice they heard. something inside her keeps on believing that if she could just get the rest of her life together, she could really have it all someday. 

for now, awful blind dates, drunken trips to see her local bodega cat at two in the morning, and the constant search for a new manicurist after spilling too many of her secrets again will just have to do.

connection ideas

the neighbor next door she borrows sugar from and almost certainly has a crush on

the ride or die bestie who keeps her sane in the city and knows her coffee order by heart (and vice versa)

the listener who doesn't realize hali is the voice coming out of their radio

the bartender who has seen her at her most and least charming

the found family that makes her feel whole and seen in the chaos of the city

the meet-cute she keeps running into and having three quarters of a rom-com interaction with

the blast from the past that knew her in ohio

the college sweetheart - or maybe just roommate? - from nyu (she attended between '93 and '97)

[wangxianficfinder]

Not sure if you have a "comedy" collection, I'm too undisciplined to check, I just read whatever catches my eye from the answers you post--heartfelt thanks, btw :-) In case you do, I have a recommendation, I had a good laugh last night with the AO3 "Bodega Love" series by cicer. My hubby was watching a movie next to me and kept looking up cause I was giggling every few minutes. Just hilarious, such a relaxing experience.

We do have a Crack & Crack treated seriously comp which I will happily add this too! Thanks for the rec ^^

- Mod C

[maroonghoul]

Horror Movies I Just Watched: Mar 2023

Another short list this month:

Planet Terror: If these aren’t the grossest zombies I have ever seen, they’re the grossest I’ve seen in a long while. 

Once again, the fictional end of the world is caused by the US military dabbling in something without any proper precaution. Didn’t really care for the running gag with the mad scientist being castration obsessed. Not sure if that’s bro-humor or homophobia. Bruce Willis’s cameo as technically the main villain was kinda funny. if only for how they enjoyed making it obvious how detached he was from the rest of the cast. And of course, Tarantino shows up just to die, but not before deserving every nasty bit of it. Really surreal they’re part of a stolen plot point from 28 Days Later of all things. If you’ve seen it, you probably know the one.

 The rest of the cast work well enough. Marley Shelton’s doctor remains likable even as she goes off the deep end and her eye shadow runs (wait, did I say even? I meant especially), while Josh Brolin seems to channel his Thanos performance ten years earlier and even creepier. And what happens to their kid; child death in horror movies can be a stand out moment whenever it shows up if not handled recklessly. This isn’t reckless, but it certainly seals the deal on what kind of movie this is with it’s dose of dark comedy.

I know Rose McGowan’s gun leg is THE image of the movie, but I’ve been used to seeing it even before watching the movie, I was more affected by everything else. 

I should’ve know just how bloody all this was really going to get the second Tom Savini showed up. Then again, with him here and Rodriguez directing, calling this movie From Dusk Til Dawn’s grimier dumber brother seems appropriate. That reminds me, I need to rewatch that in the near future.

Scream VI: *SPOILERS!*

I felt like the previous one took a few more risks than this one, but I actually enjoyed this one more.

A part of me DID watch to relish the New York setting here, but Ghostface was always the type to be in costume when he’s in your house rather then around any sort of landmark. He would’ve been caught almost immediately.

Yes, the opening is a great first for the franchise. In hindsight, paired with the reveal of our actual killers, it felt like a callback to Mrs. Loomis betraying Mickey back in Scream II. Personal revenge taking priority over insipid fame-seeking meta commentary. 

Speaking of our actual main killers, Is this the first one since III where the motives are actually personal? And the first since II it’s someone taking revenge for family? It helps that there being THREE of them and they’re family kinda gives it a Texas Chainsaw vibe for me. And pretty cool that the climax is a literal blood feud between two families. (Though I’m confused, are the Villains the Bailey’s or the Kirsh’s?) 

Although that ends up being part of what I mean about there being less risks. With three killers, that means even less victims that aren’t just essentially extras which was about half the deaths this time (The bodega people plus Gale’s new companion), so the only new person who was expendable ‘til then was Anika. As for the core four, they’re actually less expendable now then the previous four have been (Randy died in only his second appearance and Dewey...) . Chad couldn’t really die no matter how many stabs because he’s new final boy Himbo. It wouldn’t been way too mean to kill Mindy, the black queer member, especially right after killing her girlfriend right in front of her. We literally just got Kirby back. The internet might’ve explode if it was definitive this time. Sam’s the new main character, who also makes a more compelling case of sticking around this time, (and hoping Scream vii doesn’t spin it’s wheels on her). Tara might be the strongest case, especially with how Jenna Ortega’s fame is skyrocketing so she could get too busy for more of these. But yeah, combining that with her sub plot of pseudo self destruction might not have paired well. I almost felt Gale was saved in reshoots, people repeating she was in a coma. I get it, but man, she would’ve went out strong. 

I guess, pay disputes with Neve Campbell aside, maybe it is time for some legacy characters to step back for now. Just do something to have less characters with plot armor.

Okay, Let me end this section on a positive note. One of my favorite bits was actually in the opening. Tony Revolori’s character becoming a killer AND getting killed because he doesn’t understand Giallo films was rather amusing to me, but I guess only because I know enough about horror movies to at least know what a Giallo is. Up to that, can we just say that was the actual big intentional gag of this whole franchise, am I right? All the characters talk about scary movies and most of the villains are trying to create a real life scary movie. Though the movies they’re referencing and trying to copy are Slashers films, the plots of the Scream movies always felt like they had more in common with Giallos, like the ones made by Bava and Argento decades before slashers. Slashers don’t have human, vulnerable schemers all that often, but Giallo do. The invincible killer that gets away with everything until the next killing spree were around in 70s horror movies (Michael, Billy, Leatherface, etc.), but they didn’t start being considered cool until Jason showed up a movie late in 1981. The eighties. A decade where psychopathic straight men seem to run everything. But we’re not in the eighties anymore, and as much as we can learn from it, we also need to leave it behind. Even though too many people prove to not get the memo, the joke is still on them at the end. Six times now in this case.

It’s crazy how the first and second time Ghostface was actually cheer worthy are in this movie, at the very beginning and the very end (Unless III had some moments, it’s been a while). While the end is gratifying with Sam weaponizing her own horrific family legacy against those who’s chickens have come home to roost, a slight evolution on Richie’s fate from the previous movie. I’ll still remember this entitled, pretentious asswipe getting done in by someone actually trained and experienced in killing (either the cop father of one of the kids he’s trained) beating him at his own game before he even got started, with a pre mortem one liner that would seem contradictory, but fits in how when you’re on the receiving end of the knife “Who give a f--- about movies?!”

Inferno (1980) Speaking of NYC-set horror films and Argento. This is a loose sequel to the original Suspiria. While it’s been a long time since I saw that one, I think I liked it more then this one. Suzy came into the plot because of a personal pursuit then got curious about the weird and horrific events around her. Mark in this movie, cared the least about who the Mother of Shadows is, yet he’s the sole survivor. Was that commentary about leaving well enough alone on such things? Usually you don’t punish any characters for trying to be smart in a horror movie unless movie is made before 1960. 

At least the kills were up to snuff. Failed decapitation by window and getting chewed on by rats before getting stabbed by a possessed(?) food cart vendor were highlights. Really hated how the guy drowns some cats before doing it. What was even the point of that? Not like Tenebrarum had any pet cats.

Skeleton costume at the end was cute though. Not even going to bother with the third trilogy in this sorta Trilogy. I heard it was even worse.

I’m likely going to have a longer list of movies to talk about next month. Until then...

[chorusfm]

Hot Mulligan Announce New Album

Hot Mulligan will release Why Would I Watch on May 12th. Today they’ve shared “Shhhh! Golf is On.” Track Listing * Shouldn’t Have a Leg Hole But I Do * It’s a Family Movie She Hates Her Dad * And I Smoke * This Song is Called it’s Called What’s it Called * No Shoes in the Coffee Shop (Or Socks) * Christ Alive My Toe Dammit Hurts * Betty * Cock Party 2 (Better Than The First) * Shhhh! Golf is On * Gans Media Retro Games * Smahccked My Head Awf * John “The Rock” Cena, Can You Smell What the Undertaker Hot Mulligan - self proclaimed #1 Hot New Band and inventors of Post-Emo - have formally announced their forthcoming new album ‘Why Would I Watch’ out May 12 via Wax Bodega. A new song titled “Shhh! Golf Is On”, taken from the album, is out now and can be heard here: https://lnk.to/HMwhywouldiwatch   Produced by longtime collaborator Brett Romnes, ‘Why Would I Watch’ is Hot Mulligan at their loudest, their poppiest, and, ultimately, their most poignant: twinkly Midwestern emo guitars and mathy, synthy-heavy rhythms, Tades Sanville’s sandpaper vocals and indelible melodies. This lightning-in-a-bottle kinetic energy is encompassed on the aforementioned first single and in true Hot Mulligan fashion, a closer listen to the lyrics reveal an intense honesty that could get written off if you don’t pay attention.   Therein lies the true magic of Hot Mulligan, the push and pull of puns and pathos that might seem diametrically opposed at first but actually intersect to perfectly encapsulate life in a heavy, ADD-addled world.   The band don’t consider these groundbreaking topics, opting for more measured and at times resigned realism to deal with the melancholia and malaise of life’s ups and downs. “No one who’s depressed is crying all the time,” Sanville says. “The media likes to portray deep depression as sadness, but most of the time it’s indifference. That works its way into alternative comedy and shitposting. The two cultures collide perfectly. The titles are the shitposts and the songs are what everyone in this position actually feels.”   "Shhh! Golf is on" is about my mom. I’m asking her to die. Every time I hear about her, she’s a worse person than before,” says Tades on the song. --- Please consider becoming a member so we can keep bringing you stories like this one. ◎ https://chorus.fm/news/hot-mulligan-announce-new-album/

[msspitman]

Participo en B2B eCommerce Road (x) Córdoba

El pasado 4 de diciembre en el Real Aeroclub de Córdoba participé en la jornada de B2B ecommerce Road organizada por ecommerce news y Xeito Meeting.

Algunas de las empresas que participaron en el evento son: Alibaba, AJE Córdoba, Embacor, Bodegas Toro Albalá, Grupo Rochel, Patatas Raquel, Dolores Promesa, De Ruy, Soloepis, Climer, BigCommerce, TAKEFORTYTWO o Grupo Piedra

Y es que aunque algunos de los invitados pensaron que era más un monólogo al más puro stand-up comedy, mi planteamiento de ponencia iba encaminada a de una forma amena, repasar algunas de las grandes meteduras de pata que hemos cometido en Cartucho.es, es importante saber reirse de uno mismo, pero tomando decisiones. De esta manera arrancábamos con "Decisiones estratégicas en e-commerce para no morir de éxito: B2B vs B2C".

Los dos puntos más clave o recomendaciones en las que suelo incidir y desde los cuales se puede empezar a profundizar en detalles o plano táctico son:

Flujo de caja.

Escalabilidad vs operaciones.

Es desde aquí donde se observan las principales diferencias B2B vs B2C:

Operaciones: Almacén (pick&pack, optimizaciones logísticas), financiero (flujo de caja al tener pre y post pagos) y compras (rotaciones, eficiencia de dinero, no romper stock).

Marketing y Ventas: Web (¿Necesaria? ¿Personal capacitado?), canales de captación (adaptación al target y canales ad-hoc), gestión de relaciones y bbdd (no sólo email pero relación y gestión de CRM).

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

Once upon a time in a world not so far away, Evan Peters, the talented actor known for his standout roles in horror films and superhero flicks, found himself navigating the turbulent waters of singlehood after a breakup with Natalie. While most people may turn to friends or hobbies to heal a broken heart, Evan took an unusual route—he started dating the female Green M&M. Yes, you heard that right—the candy.

It all began on a mundane Friday evening when Evan was feeling particularly blue after his split. He meandered into a nearby bodega, hoping to find some comfort in a pint of ice cream. Instead, his eyes landed on a colorful display of M&M's. Amongst the familiar red, blue, and yellow candies, there she was—the sultry, sassy Green M&M, her shiny shell glistening under the fluorescent lights. As he stood there, contemplating his snack choices, he felt a spark—well, more like a sugar rush.

With a chuckle, Evan bought a bag of the M&Ms and sat down with them at the small table outside the shop. "Well, at least you won't turn out like my last relationship," he joked, glancing at the candies. The evening air was kind to him, and he found solace in imagining the Green M&M as his new playful companion—after all, she was rumored to carry some sass!

Brandishing his witty humor, Evan began conversing with his newfound companion as if she could hear him. "So, how do you feel about dating an actor?" he quipped. The Green M&M didn't respond, but he imagined her rolling her eyes playfully, as if to say, "You think you're the catch here?"

Soon after, in a moment of pure whimsy, Evan decided that dating a candy wasn’t the most ridiculous idea he’d ever had. After all, they would never argue about whose turn it was to do the dishes, and he could take her anywhere without worrying about a plus one on invites. As this notion sank in, he crafted a hilarious plan to take her on dates—more comedic than romantic.

The first date was a disaster, as expected. Evan took the Green M&M to a fancy restaurant, ordering a lavish meal while placing her right next to his water glass. As the waiter approached, Evan quickly hid her under a napkin. “Just trying to keep my date a secret!” he said with a grin. The waiter raised an eyebrow, unsure of whether he should laugh or call for help.

The second date had potential, thought Evan. He decided to take her to the movies. Renting a bag meant he could sneak her in without the shenanigans of buying a ticket for a candy! As the lights dimmed, he carefully placed her next to him, and they got ready to enjoy the film. However, as Evan whispered sweet nothings to her about the thrilling plot twists, he accidentally crushed her in his excitement. The sweet smell of chocolate wafted into the air as he panicked—“I swear, I didn’t mean it! It was love at first sight!”

Despite these mishaps, Evan persisted. He even took her to meet friends. At a gathering, one friend, puzzled about who he was talking to, leaned over and whispered, “Are you seriously dating a candy?” Evan replied with mock seriousness, “Only the finest chocolate will do for me.”

One day, on a whim, Evan thought, “What if I introduce my Green M&M to social media for some laughs?” He set up an Instagram account, dubbing her “The Sassy Green Goddess” and posting a series of humorous memes—the two of them at dinner, her pretending to be shocked, or snapping a shot with him and a tagline, “I’m just here for the chocolate!”

Much to his surprise, Evan’s following began to grow! His antics with the candy charmed people across the internet, redefining modern love in the quirkiest way possible. Who knew that a vibrant candy could become an influencer? They even landed brand deals with snack companies eager to cash in on the absurdity of it all!

In the end, Evan Peters and the female Green M&M became an iconic duo—not necessarily the stuff of fairy tales or romantic comedies but certainly a love story that made everyone laugh. Evan may have engaged in an unconventional relationship, but sometimes, when life hands you breakup blues, all you need is a little bit of humor—and perhaps a shiny Green M&M—to sweeten the deal. And who knows? He might just have found the perfect partner after all, one who was far less messy than the human ones.

i'm already emotionally attached to green M&M