#comedy bodega

[moderarato]

@infamous-if OCs 1/? | Sigrid Seymour (she/they) or professionally known as "Seymour", frontman of The Bodega Strays

[How would you describe your music?]: Dreampop with garage and goth influences. Cocteau Twins were quintessential for me growing up. Lyrically, Kate Bush is my goddess. Riveting questions, by the way [eye roll]. Haven't gotten that one in a while.

[Where'd the band's name come from?]: "Okay, that's better, at least. You ever notice how stray cats always end up inside bodegas? I kind of always felt like a stray and this band is kind of like a bodega. Sometimes it's shit [laughs], but it's going to always be there. It's home. Rent-free. And our manager is the shop owner who takes care of us — even though he seems like he doesn't want to."

[Do you own a cat?]: "Yeah, a rescue named Suddenly. Like 'Suddenly Seymour'. Comedy horror musicals are weirdly my guilty pleasure and it's–was–my drunk duet song."

[Who'd you sing it with?]: [Frowns] "Next question."

[C'mon, tell us!]: [Is already tearing the mic off of themselves in a feral rage]

(Off-mic): "Where the fuck are my cigarettes, Orion?! [pauses] [sighs] Pretty please?"

x

[tropes-and-tales]

“Do you really think I hate you? Just because we’re rivals doesn’t mean I hate you” for the enemies to lovers prompt with Mike Duarte, please!

The problems only start when you’re made the acting captain of Bronx SVU.  Housed in the same building as the Gang Squad, you’re on the same side (technically) as Captain Mike Duarte…but in practicality, you’re rivals.

Your rivalry extends from the mundane (the two of you fighting over the same handful of parking spots available at your building) to the profound (the two of you fighting over the too-few budget dollars, the same junior detectives to backfill vacancies in your organizations). 

SVU and the Gang Squad share a breakroom, a locker room.  You suspect Mike is the one who nabbed your lunch from the refrigerator.  

You wonder if he suspects that you’re the one who dumped out his orange sodas in retaliation.

He purposely hits the “door close” button on the elevator when he sees you sprinting towards it.  

You purposely kick shut the fire door to the roof while he’s out there indulging in a cigarette.

It’s childish and stupid, and if life were a romantic comedy, some wise third party would step in and remark that you and Mike are flirting.  But you aren’t flirting—not at all.  You have a good gut and are a good read of people, and Mike Duarte?  You get nothing but irritation from him—on a good day.  On a bad day?  You feel like he loathes you.

It's a million little tells.  The way his easy smile drops when you enter a room.  The way his eyes slide away from the sight of you.  The way he’s relaxed, friendly, easy with everyone else when there’s drinks at the nearby bar….everyone but you.

You can pretend it doesn’t bother you, but it’s a lie.  You can’t figure him out.  Maybe he had someone else slated for the SVU captaincy.  Maybe he’s a closet misogynist.  Maybe you remind him of his ex-wife.

You can pretend it doesn’t bother you, but you’re a people pleaser at heart.  You want to be liked.  Or, if you can’t be liked, you at least want to understand why.

-----

It’s a cold war between you and Mike.  It’s mostly just tense with the occasional skirmishes that threaten a larger war.  When SVU cases brush against gang stuff, you each outsource to your detectives as much as possible.

A case comes up when you’re both short-handed.  You’ve both been the victims of poaching from Manhattan.  You have to pair up.

The cold war tension heightens:  early mornings, late nights.  Greasy take-out eaten at opposite ends of the conference room table that you’ve commandeered for the case.  Uncomfortable silences paired with rolled eyes, gritted teeth.  Time crawls.  The case is ugly shit:  gangland violence intertwined with the trafficking of women.  Sleep evades you, so you pull all-nighters fueled by bodega coffee.  

Sleep must evade Mike too:  he’s usually in the office with you during those all-nighters.

The progress on the case crawls until it breaks wide open, all at once.  You and Mike make a good team, you begrudgingly admit.  It’s old-fashioned police work:  knocking on doors, interviewing witnesses, palming cash to informants.  The two of you scare up a lead that brings the feds into it, and the case is solved and handed off to the FBI in the same day.

You glance over at your temporary partner as the special agent thanks both of you during the handoff.  You catch Mike looking at you, but when you offer him a truce—an acknowledging nod, the smallest of smiles—he only looks away.

-----

You’re exhausted.  You haven’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks, but you have that wash of adrenaline making you jittery and anxious.  So you go to the bar near your apartment instead.  You try to dampen the anxiety, the jitters, the visions of those trafficked women with gin.

Halfway into the night (tipsy enough to unclench your jaw but not drunk enough for your shoulders to drop from where they’re pushed up near your ears), someone sidles up beside you.  They settle into the stool, and you don’t have to turn to see who it is.  You’d recognize that cologne/secondhand smoke scent anywhere.

“The case is over for us, Duarte,” you tell him as you stare into your half-empty glass.  “We can go to our separate corners.”

“Separate corners don’t stop you from pouring out my soda in the break room,” he retorts.  He flags down the bartender and orders his own drink.

“The soda was retaliation for stealing my lunch.”

He chuckles around the rim of his glass.  “It was your own fault for bringing in baked ziti.  I love that shit.”

“You really telling an SVU detective that she had it coming?”  You glance at him out of the corner of your eye, but he’s facing forward and not looking at you.  

He shrugs.  “You gotta bear some of the responsibility.  It was too tempting.”

It’s so close to joking.  So close to flirting, or even just that companionable teasing that you have with other detectives.  But Mike doesn’t turn towards you, doesn’t look at you.  He keeps his elbow tucked into his side so it doesn’t brush against you.  

The conversation peters out and you sit in silence, each sipping your drinks and thinking whatever lonely thoughts you each have.

-----

It’s hard to know how much time passes in a bar.  You’ve passed the threshold from tipsy to drunk, but with Mike perched beside you (silent as always), you can’t relax.  You lift a hand in a limp wave to the bartender for your tab, but when he set it in front of you, Mike reaches out—surprisingly quick—and snags it from you.  

“No, no,” you protest.  You reach out for the slip of paper, but he’s faster and surer in his motions.  He puts down his credit card just out of your reach, and you dare not touch him.

“Least I can do.”  You hear his words, the rounded off quality and realize he’s pretty drunk too.

“Why?  Because of the baked ziti?”

“Nah.”

“Why then?  You hate me.”

He turns in surprise and actually looks at you, makes eye contact with you.  “You think I hate you?”

You shrug.  “Yeah, kinda.”

His bleary eyes widen.  “Do you really think I hate you?”  His soft voice goes a quarter-octave higher in disbelief.  “Just because we’re rivals doesn’t mean I hate you.”

“Okay, maybe not hate.  But….like, dislike.”

He gapes at you, opens his mouth to retort, but the bartender brings his card and receipt back and interrupts.  Mike glances away, turns to sign it, and suddenly the bar feels too closed-in, too warm.  You slide off your stool and mumble a weak thank you to him, an even weaker good night and get home safe, and then your feet are taking you out the door into the cooler air and away from him.

Or not.

Someone strides up behind you, then beside you.  You don’t have to turn to see who it is.  You’d recognize his cologne and smoky scent anywhere.

You don’t have to turn because he doesn’t just fall in step beside you:  he puts his hands on you, clumsy from the whiskey.  He turns you, makes you stumble, steadies you against him.  Then he’s pushing you into a narrow alley, pushing you against the cool brick exterior.  He presses his body against yours, pins you against the building.  He pushes his face close to yours—close enough for you to smell the faint cigarettes, the stronger whiskey on his breath—but he doesn’t kiss you.

“You really think I hate you?” he growls.  “Really?”

“Mike, I—”

“Fuck, I don’t,” he interrupts, and he finally looks at you, peers deep into your eyes as he says it.  “I don’t hate you at all.”

If you weren’t so addled by all the gin, you could give him the laundry list of reasons why you thought he hated you, but your mind spins uselessly.  You’re stunned to near-silence by this moment—from the cold war to this, his big hands kneading at your curves, cupping your face, his knee tantalizingly close to where you suddenly seem to ache for him.  

He's just drunk, you think, but then he bridges the gap between you and his mouth is on yours, firm but not harsh.  His calloused thumb brushes over your cheekbone as he kisses you, then drifts over your jaw, down the line of your throat.

He breaks the kiss, just barely.  His breath fans across you as he mutters, “don’t hate you,” and then he dives back in, pushes his tongue into your mouth, groans as he tastes you, then groans again at the little whimper he manages to pull from you.

He’s just drunk, you think again, but under the gin and under the intoxicating feeling of his hands and mouth on you, another thought surfaces:  maybe you’re not as good at reading people as you thought.

[honeybeeloxs]

 Well, Blow it Off.

Ethan Landry x Original Male Character Originally posted on Archive of Our Own

THIS CONTAINS SOME SPOILERS FOR SCREAIVI SO AVOID AT YOUR OWN RISK!

WEDNESDAY | 7:26 PM | NEW YORK CITY

Quinn and Riley have been friends since 11th grade; however, keeping up with her was physically impossible, and her being 'sex positive' didn't help it at all, but she was his friend. Nonetheless, he still loved her like a sister. Once she moved in with Sam, Riley rarely saw her only in film class, but that was it, so here he is walking alone on a Wednesday Night, a bit weary because of what happened to Ms. Crane; I mean, just last week both of you were talking to her about how terrible the 'STAB' movies are, I mean come on Riley couldn't get past the first one without making Quinn want to choke him.

DING DING DING...

'QUINN'

ACCEPT DECLINE

"Hey, I'm almost there," you said, looking behind you and constantly ensuring someone wasn't following him while a frown crept as your thought of Ms. Crane.

"Okay, well, can you hurry? She's driving me crazy, y'know?" Quinn snapped back, and by her tone, you could tell she was annoyed.

"With who?" you ask curiously.

"Who do you think?" Quinn snaps back quickly.

"Ah... Is it Sam?" his pace stops as you look around.

"Yea, I know she's my roommate, but she can be a little overbearing," she says calmly.

"Anyways... have you talked to Ethan today? You started questioning your boyfriend. I've been calling him; however, he isn't answering his damn cell, which is odd."

"I heard he had some study group, Anika saw him, but that was it. Well, she's in the living room with Mindy and all, but yeah." your best friend said on the other line, which is weird.

"Okay, off-topic totally, but I'm heading to the mall tomorrow after class; you should come; I mean, I don't have my license, but your daddy's a police officer, so I think he'll let me off with a warning," you say to Quinn while looking at a Bodega.

"I mean, maybe, but-" he interrupts Quinn. "Oh, Hold on, another call," However, Quinn tells you to blow it off. "Hello?"

"Hello." the unknown caller responds.

"Listen, I hate to be blunt, but I think you got the wrong number," you said with venom as your eyebrow raised.

"What's your favorite scary movie?" the caller asks.

"I don't watch them, a bunch of shit anyways. I'm more of a comedy or thriller type of person," he tells the voice on the other end. "Listen, bud; I gotta run, so bye." you hang up on him; weird, right? You need help remembering the plot of that movie. It probably was nothing, and honestly, I haven't seen any Horror movies since 'STAB'; however, that was years ago.

"Who was it?" Quinn asks curiously.

"Don't know, some weirdo asking me what Horror movie I liked," you respond to her. "Well, anyways, I'm at the front door. Can you buzz me in?" you tell Quinn.

WEDNESDAY | 7:48 PM | QUINN'S APARTMENT

"Hey, Riley. Anika chirps happily to see you.

"What are we watching?" he asks curiously, wanting to know.

Anika pauses for a minute, trying to think of the movie before Mindy, sitting at the dining table, says, 'SAW 3.' Anika turns to him and nods.

"Ugh, I hate those movies. It's not scary. It's just gross; I hate the torture porn shit." you say to Mindy, with your back facing the TV.

Quinn starts groaning from her bedroom, and you roll his eyes and look at Anika. "Guess she's with her 'boyfriend' again." but the groans start to get a little violent, and bangs from her room.

Worried, You get up. "Quinn...? you okay...?" he says while Mindy tells him to return to the couch, but you approach the door. "Quinn?"

Quinn's body shot out of her room, landing on top of you, staining your neon green cardigan; confusion. plasters your face before Sam pulls Quinn off your body. You panic and try to get up with Anika and Mindy trying to pull you up; however, Mindy gets slashed in the arm, and Ghostface kicks you in the nose with his boot causing blood to spill all over his white pants; he grasps your neck with both hands and begins to choke you.

Anika tries to shove Ghostface off of him. However, he turns and stabs her in the stomach before pushing her into the fireplace. He feels lightheaded before Sam slams a knife block against the attacker's face. Anika and Mindy run through the front door while Sam and I flee to Quinn's bedroom and push her dresser before her door, knocking on her framed photos on the floor.

"Hey!" A man from the next apartment screams at Sam. "Don't worry; I got you." he tries to hand Sam a ladder.

"Are you crazy?" Sam replies with disbelief on her face.

"You got any other ideas?" he replies, staring her down.

"No." Sam takes the Ladder and places it on the window seal. Sam crawls through the window and tries to cross.

"Sam, Hurry!" You say to her as his bleeding nose stains his clothes while Ghostface tries to kick down Quinn's bedroom door.

Climbing up onto the window seal, "shit..." he mumbles as his bloody hands grab the Ladder and try to move my legs; looking up at Sam, my face scrunched up.

"Guys, I can't," you yell, tears brimming his eyes. However, Ghostface breaks down the door, and you quickly crawl onto the Ladder.

"BEHIND YOU!" Sam screams at him as she tries to crawl out the window frantically; she waves her hands, gesturing in a come-on motion.

You look behind him, scream, and crawl across the Ladder quicker, but Ghostface grabs the Ladder and tries to shake you off.

"Riley, give me your hand!" Sam screams and grabs Riley's hand as the Ladder falls below

CLANK

The Ladder makes a noise as it hits a dumpster below, You try to hold onto Sam's hands, but his blood-covered hands make it more challenging the neighbor pulls on his cardigan, pulling him into the apartment.

THURSDAY| 10:03 PM | NEW YORK CITY

"Anika went to the hospital and said she's alright, but the stab wound was deep, so Mindy's with her." you overhear Sam saying to Tara; you can't say you're unhappy. Anika is a close friend; she tried to help you when Ghostface strangled you for a good minute. Ethan showed up; he's your boyfriend, but you suspected him and asked him where he was.

You felt terrible within seconds for suggesting that Ethan was a murderer and had also attempted to kill you after he told you what seemed to be the truth. He presented you with a solid alibi, and you regretted your assumptions in seconds.

"I thought we were close? I mean, we are dating." Ethan says as he crouches down to you.

You believed Ethan was right about those things. He hugs you, and you apologize; Ethan pulls you in for a kiss.

[mcondance]

Do you remember when people were saying Hobie would have a soft spot for Queen Elizabeth? LMFAO

i wish i could forget

speaking of that.. ​niggas takin that ‘i don’t believe in consistency’ thing and beating it into the ground.. when spidermen (all genders) put their masks on, they aren’t their regular selves anymore. mostly everything they say turns into a bit, smth like a comedy routine. that’s why there’s such a shift between mask-on spiderpunk who’s talking and yellin and saying shit like “i’ll do it, but not because you told me to” in his little valley girl accent and mask off hobie who’s laid back and chill.. cause it’s a bit. it’s a joke. the mask adds a layer of confidence and charm. notice how miles is kinda awkward outside his spider suit.. but with it on we get scenes like the bodega fight with spot. “i don’t believe in consistency” was borne from hobie getting caught up doing something that went against what he said earlier in his bit. that could have been a lie. it was most likely A LIE! DO NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING SPIDERMEN SAY WHEN THEY HAVE THEIR MASKS ON.

[clockwrkcabaret]

Extra Ordinary

WARNING! This show is for adults. We drink cocktails, have potty mouths and, at least, one of us was raised by wolves.

The Clockwork Cabaret is a production of Agony Aunt Studios. Featuring that darling DJ Duo, Lady Attercop and Emmett Davenport. Our theme music is made especially for us by Kyle O’Door.

This episode aired on Mad Wasp Radio, 06.02.24.

New episodes air on Mad Wasp Radio on Sundays @ 12pm GMT! Listen at www.madwaspradio.com or via TuneIn radio app!

Playlist:

Spiritualized – Ladies And Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space

Headless Heroes – Hey, Who Really Cares

John Grant – GMF

The White Stripes – We’re Going to Be Friends

Adjoa Skinner – Bikini

The Magnetic Fields – Absolutely Cuckoo

Courtney Barnett – History Eraser

Faye Webster – I Know I’m Funny haha

Caroline Rose – More of the Same

The Divine Comedy – Queuejumper

The Bastard Fairies – Habitual Inmate

Screamin’ Jay Hawkins – I Put a Spell On You

Sia – The Co-Dependent

Julian Cope – Sunspots

Andrew Simple – Won’t Believe Your Eyes (feat. The Phantoms)

BODEGA – How Did This Happen!?

Wet Leg – Chaise Longue

Red Money – No Rules

The Shins – Sleeping Lessons

FIDLAR – Called You Twice (feat. K.Flay)

The Go! Team – She’s Got Guns

Sleigh Bells – Rill Rill

Mitski – Thursday Girl

CHAI – Nobody Knows We Are Fun

Princess Nokia – Tomboy

Superorganism – Everybody Wants to Be Famous

XVOTO – Mommy Can’t Sleep

Check out this episode!

[roskirambles]

Horror Movie of the day: The Birds (1963)

Melanie Daniels is a socialite visiting a bird store, when lawyer and brief acquaitance Mitch Brenner approaches her under the guise of confusing her for a store eployee. Charmed by the act, she decides to pay him a visit at coast town of Bodega Bay with the present he was seeking for her sister: a pair of lovevirds. After crossing the lake on a boat and hiding the two birds, she gets attacked by a seagull. Mitch tends the wound, and learning some more about the man and his family looks like it might be the start of something. But the birds in town keep acting more strange by the hour.

Loosely based on the short story by Daphne du Maurier, this Hitchcock classic manages to use a seemingly silly premise to a genuinely unnerving effect. The appeal of natural horror lies in the simple observation of how surprisingly vulnerable humans are to changes to the enviromnent. For how small and generally timid birds are to people, they easily outnumbering humans in certain spaces which creates scenarios where you'd feel surrounded should these creatures be more overtly hostile. And the movie knows this, basically starting with some tropes that would be at home in a romantic comedy, just to then throw a monkey wrench into that plot and gradually devolve into chaos with a situation that has no explanation or real respite but simply... is.

One of the things this film is notorious about is the lack of any background music. An unusued idea carried over from Psycho, the effect is striking: with only recordings of birds and synthesized replications by Bernard Hermman, the soundscape is an envelopping, trapping cacophony of animal sounds, while the beats of deafening silence makes some scenes of carnage and paranoia be treated with disturbing indifference.

It's more than a tad dated in some of the visual effects, but the tension it creates is still agonizing decades later. You'll pretty much never see birds the same way again.

[cantsayidont]

Haterating and hollerating in the 1990s again:

BLUE STEEL (1990): Slick, stupid, unpleasant Kathryn Bigelow thriller is copaganda for true crime addicts: New NYPD cop Megan (Jamie Lee Curtis) kills a bodega holdup man her first night on the job and is immediately suspended because bystander Eugene (Ron Silver), a nebbish commodity trader, has surreptitiously pocketed the robber's gun — which he then uses to become a serial killer while cultivating an obsession with Megan, trying to insinuate himself into her life and then murdering people she knows. Even though Megan directly witnesses some of his crimes, her superiors refuse to take her accusations seriously because she's a woman, so all she can do is wait for an opportunity to shoot it out with Eugene that won't look like she's set him up. Dire. CONTAINS LESBIANS? You might ship Curtis with Elizabeth Peña (wasted as Megan's best friend), but it would only make things worse. VERDICT: An acute distillation of white libfem victimhood, but no fun on any level.

THE GLASS SHIELD (1994): Underwhelming police corruption drama/thriller about the first Black deputy in a racist L.A. County Sheriff's station (Michael Boatman), who tries unsuccessfully to challenge his colleagues' various ugly deeds (including the murder of a Black prisoner and running a murder-for-hire racket) while becoming unwillingly complicit in them. His only ally is the station's first and only female deputy (Lori Petty), who's just as much of an outsider as he is. Except for a stupid comic book-style opening intended to illustrate the protagonist's idealism, the plot is pretty realistic — including a more than usually downbeat ending that's a grim reminder that changing systems like these from within is a fool's hope — but it's dramatically lackluster: Boatman is fine, but his character has no real depth; an array of prominent actors (among them Elliott Gould, Ice Cube, and M. Emmet Walsh) are stuck in dull tertiary roles; and while Petty's presence is welcome, she doesn't have much to do. CONTAINS LESBIANS? Nope. VERDICT: Its resistance to pat happy endings to systematic problems is commendable, but it desperately needs dramatic juice that's not forthcoming.

MYSTERY DATE (1991): Curious, clunky hybrid of teen romcom and black comedy, starring a young Ethan Hawke as awkward teenager Tom McHugh, whose slick older brother Craig (Brian McNamara) rolls back into town while their parents are away and sets Tom up on a date with the cute next-door neighbor he's been crushing on (Teri Polo), even getting him a new haircut and some new clothes for the occasion. However, Tom soon realizes people are mistaking him for his brother — and discovers that Craig's '50s convertible, which Tom has borrowed for the big date, has a corpse in the trunk! A potentially audacious premise is undermined by flaccid pacing, a needlessly convoluted plot, unclear stakes, and a protagonist who spends so much time reacting to things that the script never bothers to give him an actual personality. Fisher Stevens also strains patience in an obnoxiously hammy supporting role as an unhinged flower delivery driver, although B.D. Wong is amusing as a foppish gangster. CONTAINS LESBIANS: Also nope. VERDICT: Not dark enough to be compelling, too dark for a regular teen romcom, and it mostly just lies there.

[wrongmeat]

I think it’s really interesting how media can affect people, long after they’ve seen it. In late 2021 my friends were coming to visit me in New York City, I wanted something fun for us to do. None of the Broadway shows interested us at all, so I started looking into off Broadway productions. I’m not entirely sure how I came across it, but eventually I came to a contender. ‘The Antelope Party’ It was a black comedy about bronys and their new neighborhood watch. Me and me friends were chronically online autistic adults in our 20’s, and mild MLP enjoyers, so we had to see this show. I didn’t do much more research then that, I bought the tickets and I waited for the date.

The night of, we got bodega sandwiches and walked to the theater, that was coincidentally very close to my house. This isn’t important, but I remember it.

Inside, the stage was very small, decorated like someone’s basement living room, with of course a bit of pony flair. I was looking forward to a comedic night. Nothing could have prepared me for the cutting fascist allegories and bleak events that unfolded in front of me over the next few hours, like an impending train wreck you couldn’t look away from. 

It’s clearly been a few years since I’ve seen it, and you know what? I don’t even remember how it ended, aside from the fact it was ambiguous and me and my friends disagreed on what it meant. But I do remember how it made me feel, the clear demonstration of the paradox of tolerance, of how corrupting power and authority can be. At the time, it was extremely relevant in the climate, proud boys running rampant. It still feels relevant now, and it’s somewhat crushing to be part of such a small number of people who got to see it. There were a few other productions around the country, but I don’t think it got the credit it deserved. You can buy and read the script for 15 dollars. More people should know about The Antelope Party. 

[gsohb]

Jennifer Lopez: What Happened Here?

Jennifer Lopez; Marry Me (2022)

I remember my first Jennifer Lopez C.D. I was about 9, or 10 and received On The 6 as a gift.

I don't actually remember if I had been a fan of Lopez at the time (I was hip to Britney, though, I remember that!), as soon as I heard the opening to "If You Had My Love", I was hooked.

On my adorable, hot pink boombox, was when I first really remember hearing Jennifer Lopez sing. Although a little mature, the song nonetheless had lyrics that actually weren't too bad for a young girl of the 90's to hear - love, trust, comfort me. Don't lie to me.

I was absolutely mesmerized with Jennifer Lopez. She was pretty, fun, seemed kind (I was a kid), and as I began to watch her films, I fell in love with her portrayals, especially in Selena, and Enough.

I don't care what y'all say, them movies were GOOD.

Aww, so cute.

J.Lo was born Jennifer Lynn Lopez on July 24th, 1969 in New York City. She is known though, for being raised in The Bronx section of the city.

Most of the old heads (myself included) might remember Jennifer from before her musical career; her time on the sketch comedy show In Living Color, and in films like Money Train (1995), Selena (1997), and Anaconda (1997).

This is where Jennifer soared. Her acting. By the time she'd dived into music, she had already had a very loyal fan-base.

I don't exactly know what happened, but sometime around the late 1990's, she decided to dive into music, met Sean "P.Diddy" Combs, and as we know, the rest, it's now history (I hope).

But now, it's 2024, and Jennifer is no longer liked.

Her fans? They're few.

Concerts? Not selling.

As a (why cap?) lifelong fan, I have to admit, that there have been reports, that Mrs. Affleck doesn't actually sing as much as we think she does, on her albums.

These claims, along with people who have stated that meeting her was quite unpleasant, paint a picture as to why Mrs. Affleck, today, is not only losing popularity, but building an anti-brand.

A part of me wonders if Jennifer's recent film, This Is Me...Now, has a bit something to do with the growing disdain.

From looking at people's reactions to her self-funded film, a love story so to speak, it occurred to me: Jennifer isn't being authentic.

Jennifer is showing people a very shallow, pretty, gussied up version of her true emotions.

When she sits in her bedroom, brokenhearted, is this truly how she feels? I think people are upset, because when watching these kinds of statements from Jennifer, like her constantly professing about being from The Block, people get exhausted.

They feel like Jennifer is faking the funk, not showing her true, raw, maybe even ugly, scary side. One thing we can say about singer/actress Beyonce, is that she is NOT afraid to show us her scary side.

But Jennifer has never gone there (with us). She's never truly shown us a stripped down, raw version of herself.

That's what crossed my mind this morning as I sipped by 1$ bodega coffee.

But...then another thought came in.

What if this is it with Jennifer?

What if this is all there is to her? And us, the demanding, hungry public, is asking a bit more than she can actually give.

Jennifer Lopez - Affleck: Is that all there is?

[haliyahfm]

( zuri reed , twenty8 , cis woman , she/her ) ⎮ would ya look who it is , haliyah moore in the flesh ! dude , i heard they were a dj for kiss 89.5 at that place across town . yeah , no , they’re the one that’s really gutsy and warm-hearted but my buddy said they’re super uncompromising and a bit excessive too . i wonder what they’re doing over here though ? c'mon let’s go back to my place and i can show you their myspace profile , it autoplays this must be the place (naive melody) by talking heads when it boots up , it’s great . ⎮

full name: haliyah corinne moore nicknames: hali, yaya birthday: august 16th (28 years old, leo) hometown: columbus, ohio gender and sexuality: cis, bisexual woman education: bachelor's in communications from nyu occupation: radio dj for kiss 89.5 pets: moose (shih tzu mix rescue, 3 years old) favorite hobbies: autumn roadtrips to watch drive-in movie double features, keeping up with her favorite soap operas daily, playing dungeons & dragons, volunteering at the public library to spread wholesome chaos, reading tea leaves and tarot cards, sliding on her socks on hardwood floors

about

haliyah moore (hali to her loved ones) grew up in the suburbs of columbus, ohio wishing she was in new york city. like most little kids, she dreamed of wearing a feather boa down fifth avenue in defiance of the fashion elite and living in a park-view apartment with her best friend where they could complain about the horror of modern dating. what do you mean, that wasn’t most little kids? alright, it wouldn’t exactly be the last time hali wasn’t like most kids.

with dreams of new york like hali’s, columbus was a small pond in comparison. she was the free spirit, the dreamer, the rebel; the kind of person who got bored of following the rules and started playing by her own rules instead. her mothers were both biologists who studied at nyu and hali’s twin sister was the future valedictorian, so it only made sense that hali took a hard left into the absurd. she was the court jester of her high school’s theatre department, speech & debate team, and its worst garage grunge band (not to mention the band’s guitarist).

when hali and her sister graduated, her sister had a full-ride scholarship and a summer internship lined up, and hali had a buttercup yellow 1970 convertible beetle and a dream. that dream: spend the three months she had until new york road-tripping through the continental us. every corner, every nook and cranny, haliyah wanted to explore it. bars she had to sneak into, tires she had to change on the side of the freeway in the middle of nowhere, the tears she cried when she broke her arm in texas and realized she was on her own; she cherished every moment.

by the time hali finally reached new york, even with the most summer behind her, it was clear that this was still the beginning of something new and terrifying and enchanting. and she was positively enchanted by new york. nyu and a whole host of student loans took her in with open arms. it quickly introduced her to improv comedy, late-night college public radio, jungle juice, and college boys, and the rest was history. her senior year heralded in her first real adult relationship and her most important decision to date: accepting an internship at a dinky little radio station in brooklyn. 

six years later, she’s only had to hop between three stations, most recently landing at kiss 89.5 in columbus circle. it’s been three years at the station and she’s finally got a decent timeslot, but she’s never stopped dreaming of being the dj on all the billboards; the one everyone tunes in for rather than just her die-hard fans and the mildly interested listeners who didn’t really care whose voice they heard. something inside her keeps on believing that if she could just get the rest of her life together, she could really have it all someday. 

for now, awful blind dates, drunken trips to see her local bodega cat at two in the morning, and the constant search for a new manicurist after spilling too many of her secrets again will just have to do.

connection ideas

the neighbor next door she borrows sugar from and almost certainly has a crush on

the ride or die bestie who keeps her sane in the city and knows her coffee order by heart (and vice versa)

the listener who doesn't realize hali is the voice coming out of their radio

the bartender who has seen her at her most and least charming

the found family that makes her feel whole and seen in the chaos of the city

the meet-cute she keeps running into and having three quarters of a rom-com interaction with

the blast from the past that knew her in ohio

the college sweetheart - or maybe just roommate? - from nyu (she attended between '93 and '97)

[wangxianficfinder]

Not sure if you have a "comedy" collection, I'm too undisciplined to check, I just read whatever catches my eye from the answers you post--heartfelt thanks, btw :-) In case you do, I have a recommendation, I had a good laugh last night with the AO3 "Bodega Love" series by cicer. My hubby was watching a movie next to me and kept looking up cause I was giggling every few minutes. Just hilarious, such a relaxing experience.

We do have a Crack & Crack treated seriously comp which I will happily add this too! Thanks for the rec ^^

- Mod C

[historyhermann]

Ashly Burch’s Contribution to LGBTQ+ Representation

Four of Ashly Burch's roles, all of which are canon LGBTQ characters

Recently, Ashly Burch, a well-recognized voice actress, singer, and writer, came out as pan and queer. Taking into account this development, I decided to examine some of her past roles and offer my thoughts on her contributions.

Reprinted from The Geekiary, my History Hermann WordPress blog on Feb. 11, 2023, and Wayback Machine. This was the forty-eighth article I wrote for The Geekiary. This post was originally published on July 30, 2022.

On July 1st, Ashly Burch came out as pan and queer, saying she is "old fashioned pansexuals". She added that this is not a shock because half the characters she plays are "members of the rainbow fam" and added more in a longer thread.

Burch has added herself to the list of other LGBTQ+ voice actors who have voiced LGBTQ+ characters in media. There's Anna Akana, a bisexual actress of Japanese and Filipino descent. She recently voiced Sasha Waybright in Amphibia and Daisy in Magical Girl Friendship Squad. Both characters are bisexual.

A non-binary actor, Iris Menas, has voiced non-binary characters in various Disney series. Ian-Jones Quartey, a bisexual creator, has voiced various characters, including Radicles "Rad" in his series, OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes. Abbi Jacobson, a bisexual actress, voiced a bisexual princess named Bean in Disenchantment. She also voiced a lesbian woman named Katie Mitchell in The Mitchells Vs. the Machines.

In many ways, Burch is definitely a queer icon. Apart from her video game voice roles, live-action roles, commercial roles, and dubbing roles, there are five roles that stand out to me. This article focuses on those roles and their significance in LGBTQ+ representation.

Ash in Hey Ash Whatcha Playin'

Ashly with her beauties in Season 1 - Finale Part 1 of Hey Ash Whatcha Playin'

In May 2008, the series Hey Ash Whatcha Playin' first premiered on Destructoid. It would garner tens of millions of views. The series used surreal humor and sibling rivalry with her brother Anthony. Each episode focused on video games, and their themes, trends, and societal impacts. In 2011, the series began airing on YouTube. Papa Burch, Burch's actual father, and Ashley "Leigh" Davis, who becomes Anthony's girlfriend, also appear. Guest stars include Burch's mother and many others.

Many episodes had queer themes. One implies that Burch had sex with sex workers. In another, she says things can be "really gay" when everything becomes male genitalia. The icing on the cake was when she struggled with the homophobia exhibited by Orson Scott Card, whose ideas inspired the game, Shadow Complex.

In the show's second season, Anthony had gay sex through a message board. Ashly asked her dad for help with "lady problems" (i.e. liking a lot of women). Some episodes had Ashly joking about how brains are "gay" and defending her brother as a person who doesn't bash gay people. Others included dildos, Papa Burch coming up with imagined gay scenarios, or defense of female characters.

One episode stands out from the lot, the one where Ashly says she likes pretty girls and runs away when she sees a girl she likes. Later episodes have Ash loving a female villain-of-sorts or portray her losing her cool when people use the word "lesbians".

Enid in OK K.O.! Let's Be Heroes

Enid (left) and Red Action (right) in an episode of OK K.O.!

Burch is known for her role as Enid Mettle in this action-adventure-comedy animated series by Ian Jones-Quartey, Rebecca Sugar's husband. In the series, Enid is a bisexual woman previously in a relationship with Radicles "Rad". She is later Red Action's girlfriend.

Enid has a key role in OK K.O.! as a witch and a ninja all in one. She also fights villains and works at Gar's Bodega. Burch has voiced Enid in almost all her appearances apart from the original pilot. She has been the subject of much fan art and over 700 fan fics.

Somewhat like Enid is Lainey in Loud House, who Burch also voiced. Lainey is dating another character, a woman named Alice. Unlike OK K.O.!, Lainey only appears in two episodes. In the former series, she becomes very romantic with Red Action, a lesbian character voiced by actress, comedian, and model Kali Hawk.

Ash in Final Space

Evra (left) and Ash (right) in an episode of Final Space

Burch is less known for her role as Ash Graven, who has the same first name as her. In the series, Ash is a humanoid alien who strikes up a romance with Evra (Jasmin Savoy Brown), a genderless being, in the Season 3 episode "Forgiveness". They sit together in a romantic moment, watching lights that resemble the aurora borealis.

Before this, she says she hates a man named Jordan Hammerstein with all her guts. This hints that she is a lesbian rather than  "ambiguously bi," as I noted in my review of the series. In that review, I noted a podcast where show creator Olan Rogers confirmed Ash as an LGBTQ character. At the time, Rogers said he would expand the relationship between Evra and Ash if he had another season.

Ash is only one of the many LGBTQ characters in the series, although the others are recurring characters rather than protagonists. Unlike Enid, she becomes an antagonist, and villain, akin to Cassandra "Cass" (Eden Espinosa) in Tangled. She is a character as complex as Cass while both are exploited by someone else who plays on her trauma triggers.

Rutile Twins in Steven Universe

Rutile Twins (right) brings Lars and Steven to the Prime Kindergarten where Off Colors are hiding out in their debut episode.

In a little-known role, Burch voiced a non-binary Gem fusion named Rutile Twins in Steven Universe. She later said she was "extremely honored" to be on the show. Unlike the other characters she voiced, these characters are non-binary women, as are all Gems as Rebecca Sugar confirmed in a 2018 article. So that makes this character unique beyond any others mentioned in her resume.

In an interesting trivia, since Burch voices both components of the character, they have the same voice, but with different tones. The same is the case for the Amethysts, all voiced by Michaela Dietz, or all the Rubies voiced by Charlyne Yi. Real-life rutiles are said to help with the stabilization of emotions and relationships. They reportedly evoke romantic feelings and aid with handling past trauma.

The Rutile Twins are outcasts who are part of a group of Gems ostracized by society, the Off Colors. These Twins later join Lars Barriga, and the other Off Colors, traveling through space, and living on Earth. In Steven Universe Future, the Off Colors graduate from Steven's school for Gems, known as Little Homeschool.

Molly in The Ghost and Molly McGee

Andrea (left) and Molly (right) in the "Andrea Song Takeover"

Burch voices a lead character named Molly McGee. Unlike her other roles, Molly is half-Thai and half-Irish, like Burch in real life. The series incorporates Thai culture into storylines and helps educate viewers about Thai culture.

In The Ghost and Molly McGee, Molly befriends a ghost named Scratch after moving to the Midwestern town of Brighton with her father, mother, and brother. Also appearing in the series is Molly's grandmother. She meets many friends there. This includes a Latine and Jewish girl named Libby Stein-Torres (Lara Jill Miller). She also has a geeky friend Sheela (Aparna Nancherla) and a sweet pink-haired friend, Kat (Eden Riegel).

Although Molly is not a canon queer character, some fans have shipped her with her frenemy, Andrea Davenport (Jules Medcraft), with their ship being Mollandrea. Others have shipped her with Libby Stein-Torres, with their ship called Mollibby. This ship has been denied by Bob Roth, a show creator, who said that LGBTQ representation unfolds naturally in the series.

Closing thoughts

There are many other characters Burch has voiced or played since her career began in 2007. She voiced Josette Grey in Blackford Manor and Tiny Ghost in Chainsaw Richard. She offered her voice as Lila Twinklepipes in Pig Goat Banana Cricket, Meadow Springs in Trolls: The Beat Goes On!, and Miss Pauling in Expiration Date, along with others in Over the Garden Wall and We Bare Bears.

She is further known for voicing Bun Bun and Breezy in Adventure Time, Ridley in Glitch Techs, and Cass Wizard in Bee and PuppyCat. Recently, she played Rachel in Mythic Quest who is in a relationship with a Black woman named Dana (Imani Hakim).

Many of these roles aren't canon LGBTQ+ characters. However, since Burch came out as pan and queer, this could lead to new interpretations of these characters. Burch was also a writer for "Shadows at the Gates", the fourth episode of The Legend of Vox Machina, a mature animated series filled with LGBTQ+ characters and based on the Critical Role podcast.

In the end, Ashly Burch will likely continue to voice queer characters, working with other such actors to continue improving queer representation in media.

© 2022-2023 Burkely Hermann. All rights reserved.

[maroonghoul]

Horror Movies I Just Watched: Mar 2023

Another short list this month:

Planet Terror: If these aren’t the grossest zombies I have ever seen, they’re the grossest I’ve seen in a long while. 

Once again, the fictional end of the world is caused by the US military dabbling in something without any proper precaution. Didn’t really care for the running gag with the mad scientist being castration obsessed. Not sure if that’s bro-humor or homophobia. Bruce Willis’s cameo as technically the main villain was kinda funny. if only for how they enjoyed making it obvious how detached he was from the rest of the cast. And of course, Tarantino shows up just to die, but not before deserving every nasty bit of it. Really surreal they’re part of a stolen plot point from 28 Days Later of all things. If you’ve seen it, you probably know the one.

 The rest of the cast work well enough. Marley Shelton’s doctor remains likable even as she goes off the deep end and her eye shadow runs (wait, did I say even? I meant especially), while Josh Brolin seems to channel his Thanos performance ten years earlier and even creepier. And what happens to their kid; child death in horror movies can be a stand out moment whenever it shows up if not handled recklessly. This isn’t reckless, but it certainly seals the deal on what kind of movie this is with it’s dose of dark comedy.

I know Rose McGowan’s gun leg is THE image of the movie, but I’ve been used to seeing it even before watching the movie, I was more affected by everything else. 

I should’ve know just how bloody all this was really going to get the second Tom Savini showed up. Then again, with him here and Rodriguez directing, calling this movie From Dusk Til Dawn’s grimier dumber brother seems appropriate. That reminds me, I need to rewatch that in the near future.

Scream VI: *SPOILERS!*

I felt like the previous one took a few more risks than this one, but I actually enjoyed this one more.

A part of me DID watch to relish the New York setting here, but Ghostface was always the type to be in costume when he’s in your house rather then around any sort of landmark. He would’ve been caught almost immediately.

Yes, the opening is a great first for the franchise. In hindsight, paired with the reveal of our actual killers, it felt like a callback to Mrs. Loomis betraying Mickey back in Scream II. Personal revenge taking priority over insipid fame-seeking meta commentary. 

Speaking of our actual main killers, Is this the first one since III where the motives are actually personal? And the first since II it’s someone taking revenge for family? It helps that there being THREE of them and they’re family kinda gives it a Texas Chainsaw vibe for me. And pretty cool that the climax is a literal blood feud between two families. (Though I’m confused, are the Villains the Bailey’s or the Kirsh’s?) 

Although that ends up being part of what I mean about there being less risks. With three killers, that means even less victims that aren’t just essentially extras which was about half the deaths this time (The bodega people plus Gale’s new companion), so the only new person who was expendable ‘til then was Anika. As for the core four, they’re actually less expendable now then the previous four have been (Randy died in only his second appearance and Dewey...) . Chad couldn’t really die no matter how many stabs because he’s new final boy Himbo. It wouldn’t been way too mean to kill Mindy, the black queer member, especially right after killing her girlfriend right in front of her. We literally just got Kirby back. The internet might’ve explode if it was definitive this time. Sam’s the new main character, who also makes a more compelling case of sticking around this time, (and hoping Scream vii doesn’t spin it’s wheels on her). Tara might be the strongest case, especially with how Jenna Ortega’s fame is skyrocketing so she could get too busy for more of these. But yeah, combining that with her sub plot of pseudo self destruction might not have paired well. I almost felt Gale was saved in reshoots, people repeating she was in a coma. I get it, but man, she would’ve went out strong. 

I guess, pay disputes with Neve Campbell aside, maybe it is time for some legacy characters to step back for now. Just do something to have less characters with plot armor.

Okay, Let me end this section on a positive note. One of my favorite bits was actually in the opening. Tony Revolori’s character becoming a killer AND getting killed because he doesn’t understand Giallo films was rather amusing to me, but I guess only because I know enough about horror movies to at least know what a Giallo is. Up to that, can we just say that was the actual big intentional gag of this whole franchise, am I right? All the characters talk about scary movies and most of the villains are trying to create a real life scary movie. Though the movies they’re referencing and trying to copy are Slashers films, the plots of the Scream movies always felt like they had more in common with Giallos, like the ones made by Bava and Argento decades before slashers. Slashers don’t have human, vulnerable schemers all that often, but Giallo do. The invincible killer that gets away with everything until the next killing spree were around in 70s horror movies (Michael, Billy, Leatherface, etc.), but they didn’t start being considered cool until Jason showed up a movie late in 1981. The eighties. A decade where psychopathic straight men seem to run everything. But we’re not in the eighties anymore, and as much as we can learn from it, we also need to leave it behind. Even though too many people prove to not get the memo, the joke is still on them at the end. Six times now in this case.

It’s crazy how the first and second time Ghostface was actually cheer worthy are in this movie, at the very beginning and the very end (Unless III had some moments, it’s been a while). While the end is gratifying with Sam weaponizing her own horrific family legacy against those who’s chickens have come home to roost, a slight evolution on Richie’s fate from the previous movie. I’ll still remember this entitled, pretentious asswipe getting done in by someone actually trained and experienced in killing (either the cop father of one of the kids he’s trained) beating him at his own game before he even got started, with a pre mortem one liner that would seem contradictory, but fits in how when you’re on the receiving end of the knife “Who give a f--- about movies?!”

Inferno (1980) Speaking of NYC-set horror films and Argento. This is a loose sequel to the original Suspiria. While it’s been a long time since I saw that one, I think I liked it more then this one. Suzy came into the plot because of a personal pursuit then got curious about the weird and horrific events around her. Mark in this movie, cared the least about who the Mother of Shadows is, yet he’s the sole survivor. Was that commentary about leaving well enough alone on such things? Usually you don’t punish any characters for trying to be smart in a horror movie unless movie is made before 1960. 

At least the kills were up to snuff. Failed decapitation by window and getting chewed on by rats before getting stabbed by a possessed(?) food cart vendor were highlights. Really hated how the guy drowns some cats before doing it. What was even the point of that? Not like Tenebrarum had any pet cats.

Skeleton costume at the end was cute though. Not even going to bother with the third trilogy in this sorta Trilogy. I heard it was even worse.

I’m likely going to have a longer list of movies to talk about next month. Until then...

[chorusfm]

Hot Mulligan Announce New Album

Hot Mulligan will release Why Would I Watch on May 12th. Today they’ve shared “Shhhh! Golf is On.” Track Listing * Shouldn’t Have a Leg Hole But I Do * It’s a Family Movie She Hates Her Dad * And I Smoke * This Song is Called it’s Called What’s it Called * No Shoes in the Coffee Shop (Or Socks) * Christ Alive My Toe Dammit Hurts * Betty * Cock Party 2 (Better Than The First) * Shhhh! Golf is On * Gans Media Retro Games * Smahccked My Head Awf * John “The Rock” Cena, Can You Smell What the Undertaker Hot Mulligan - self proclaimed #1 Hot New Band and inventors of Post-Emo - have formally announced their forthcoming new album ‘Why Would I Watch’ out May 12 via Wax Bodega. A new song titled “Shhh! Golf Is On”, taken from the album, is out now and can be heard here: https://lnk.to/HMwhywouldiwatch   Produced by longtime collaborator Brett Romnes, ‘Why Would I Watch’ is Hot Mulligan at their loudest, their poppiest, and, ultimately, their most poignant: twinkly Midwestern emo guitars and mathy, synthy-heavy rhythms, Tades Sanville’s sandpaper vocals and indelible melodies. This lightning-in-a-bottle kinetic energy is encompassed on the aforementioned first single and in true Hot Mulligan fashion, a closer listen to the lyrics reveal an intense honesty that could get written off if you don’t pay attention.   Therein lies the true magic of Hot Mulligan, the push and pull of puns and pathos that might seem diametrically opposed at first but actually intersect to perfectly encapsulate life in a heavy, ADD-addled world.   The band don’t consider these groundbreaking topics, opting for more measured and at times resigned realism to deal with the melancholia and malaise of life’s ups and downs. “No one who’s depressed is crying all the time,” Sanville says. “The media likes to portray deep depression as sadness, but most of the time it’s indifference. That works its way into alternative comedy and shitposting. The two cultures collide perfectly. The titles are the shitposts and the songs are what everyone in this position actually feels.”   "Shhh! Golf is on" is about my mom. I’m asking her to die. Every time I hear about her, she’s a worse person than before,” says Tades on the song. --- Please consider becoming a member so we can keep bringing you stories like this one. ◎ https://chorus.fm/news/hot-mulligan-announce-new-album/

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

Once upon a time in a world not so far away, Evan Peters, the talented actor known for his standout roles in horror films and superhero flicks, found himself navigating the turbulent waters of singlehood after a breakup with Natalie. While most people may turn to friends or hobbies to heal a broken heart, Evan took an unusual route—he started dating the female Green M&M. Yes, you heard that right—the candy.

It all began on a mundane Friday evening when Evan was feeling particularly blue after his split. He meandered into a nearby bodega, hoping to find some comfort in a pint of ice cream. Instead, his eyes landed on a colorful display of M&M's. Amongst the familiar red, blue, and yellow candies, there she was—the sultry, sassy Green M&M, her shiny shell glistening under the fluorescent lights. As he stood there, contemplating his snack choices, he felt a spark—well, more like a sugar rush.

With a chuckle, Evan bought a bag of the M&Ms and sat down with them at the small table outside the shop. "Well, at least you won't turn out like my last relationship," he joked, glancing at the candies. The evening air was kind to him, and he found solace in imagining the Green M&M as his new playful companion—after all, she was rumored to carry some sass!

Brandishing his witty humor, Evan began conversing with his newfound companion as if she could hear him. "So, how do you feel about dating an actor?" he quipped. The Green M&M didn't respond, but he imagined her rolling her eyes playfully, as if to say, "You think you're the catch here?"

Soon after, in a moment of pure whimsy, Evan decided that dating a candy wasn’t the most ridiculous idea he’d ever had. After all, they would never argue about whose turn it was to do the dishes, and he could take her anywhere without worrying about a plus one on invites. As this notion sank in, he crafted a hilarious plan to take her on dates—more comedic than romantic.

The first date was a disaster, as expected. Evan took the Green M&M to a fancy restaurant, ordering a lavish meal while placing her right next to his water glass. As the waiter approached, Evan quickly hid her under a napkin. “Just trying to keep my date a secret!” he said with a grin. The waiter raised an eyebrow, unsure of whether he should laugh or call for help.

The second date had potential, thought Evan. He decided to take her to the movies. Renting a bag meant he could sneak her in without the shenanigans of buying a ticket for a candy! As the lights dimmed, he carefully placed her next to him, and they got ready to enjoy the film. However, as Evan whispered sweet nothings to her about the thrilling plot twists, he accidentally crushed her in his excitement. The sweet smell of chocolate wafted into the air as he panicked—“I swear, I didn’t mean it! It was love at first sight!”

Despite these mishaps, Evan persisted. He even took her to meet friends. At a gathering, one friend, puzzled about who he was talking to, leaned over and whispered, “Are you seriously dating a candy?” Evan replied with mock seriousness, “Only the finest chocolate will do for me.”

One day, on a whim, Evan thought, “What if I introduce my Green M&M to social media for some laughs?” He set up an Instagram account, dubbing her “The Sassy Green Goddess” and posting a series of humorous memes—the two of them at dinner, her pretending to be shocked, or snapping a shot with him and a tagline, “I’m just here for the chocolate!”

Much to his surprise, Evan’s following began to grow! His antics with the candy charmed people across the internet, redefining modern love in the quirkiest way possible. Who knew that a vibrant candy could become an influencer? They even landed brand deals with snack companies eager to cash in on the absurdity of it all!

In the end, Evan Peters and the female Green M&M became an iconic duo—not necessarily the stuff of fairy tales or romantic comedies but certainly a love story that made everyone laugh. Evan may have engaged in an unconventional relationship, but sometimes, when life hands you breakup blues, all you need is a little bit of humor—and perhaps a shiny Green M&M—to sweeten the deal. And who knows? He might just have found the perfect partner after all, one who was far less messy than the human ones.

i'm already emotionally attached to green M&M