#come on now i wanna see bloodshed in these tags

[pearlywritings]

I really want to help

synopsis: coming to your place after one of his missions, Sampo doesn't expect to see that your daughter got sick... And despite you suggesting him to leave, he really wants to stay.

pairing: Sampo x fem!reader

tw: implied slowburn, kind of mutual pining, fluff

word count: 2.4k+ words

a/n: related to Sampo's part in my In father's embrace fic. I tagged at the end a couple of people, whom I saw in the tags, and who seemed interested in seeing more

"Hey, gorgeous~ Guess, who came to visit~"

Sampo sing-songs in his best female voice and when you emerge into the corridor, you are not even surprised to see him in one of his disguises. Long wig of his rich dark hair color, a portion spilling over his boa-covered shoulder and the rest streaming down his back, perfectly picked makeup, accentuating his gleaming green eyes and pretty lips, a black choker hugging his neck snuggly with an emerald trinket, and a long black dress with a slit from the mid thigh and down, open back and sleeveless. It seems like he's already abandoned his coat and heels while you were walking his way.

"Up to your business again, I see," your words lack any bite, they've been for a while, and Sampo charmingly smiles, stepping closer to you, fake manicured nails grazing your upper arm. The other hand cups the side of your face - you stopped rolling your eyes and swatting his hands maybe a couple of months after your acquaintance with him, realizing that without being handsy Sampo Koski wouldn't be Sampo Koski. After all, he is always gentle and respectful and never makes you feel uncomfortable. So you shakily exhale and lean your cheek into his palm, closing your eyes - bloodshed, as the man has noticed.

"Yep, had a thing or two to do in the Overworld. Don't you think I look absolutely divine though? Worth falling for?" You snort at him clearly fishing for compliments. Lifting eyelids just enough to see him, you regard him with an expressionless gaze and close your eyes again.

"Nuh, could've made your chest more alluring."

"Wouldn't want others to have a chance to see more than you do," he gently pinches your cheek, making you huff. "Wanna tell me why you look so tired, pretty mama? I thought the princess left the castle yesterday for the weekends at her school friend's place. Why weren't you resting?"

"Exactly why you'll have to leave now," your tone gets serious and eyes turn solemn. "She got sick on Thursday, so, obviously, no sleepover for her. Your phone was off, I assume, because my messages weren't delivered. I don't want you to fall ill too, so, go while you can. I'll tell her you came to visit."

Right, he switched his phone off not to be distracted or have his cover blown. And he is a bit unsure how he would've acted if he did receive the messages. Listen to you? Or stubbornly show up still?

Can he handle a sick child?

"Do you have the medicine, do you two need anything?"

But he wants to.

"Yeah, I have, and the doctor has seen her, so now it's just helping her get better. Don't worry about us, Sampo."

How can he not? When over this past half a year both of you managed to worm your ways into his heart?

"But what about your work? Don't you have performances almost every single night?"

"Oh, it's fine. I ask a lady from the floor above to sit with her."

"Do you even sleep?" Worry laces his words - an emotion one rarely may hear from the conman. Now both of his hands are cupping your cheeks, eyes closely observing your face, noting every single evidence of tiredness.

"A couple of hours here and there. It's fine," and just as you say that, you yawn. Sampo is not having it.

"That's it. I am going to change and then I am taking over caring for the little princess while you rest."

That's the biggest he's seen your eyes open this afternoon, owlishly blinking, clear shock written all over your face.

"Wait, Sampo, you don't have to-"

"For the girl who calls me 'pa' I want to. For the woman who didn't chase me away I want to as well," he leans down and presses a kiss right under your left eyes, letting his lips linger, enough for feeling your skin heating up. "Let me help you, please. I promise I am not pushing myself to. I genuinely desire so. Don't you believe your man, Sampo Koski?"

When he says 'your man', the heart in your chest flutters and the cheeks turn a bit rosy. Trying to mask that you hang your head low and murmur.

"Not when this man of mine is wearing a wig and a dress."

"Point taken, already on my way!" Lifting your face he smooches under your other eye and quickly leaves to your dressing room - which you've been sharing with him at this point you guess. Inhaling deeply and exhaling as much, you turn to the mirror on the wall, checking on your flustered expression.

Ah, no lipstick marks like last time. What a pity…

The thought makes you blush harder.

Squeezing eyes shut and profusely chastening yourself on the inside you are trying your best to self-compose. Why must this man be so insufferably lovely? With an ability to leave one with a truly indelible impression.

It's so hard to understand Sampo sometimes. And even if you learned quite quickly that not all the things he does hold any proper meaning, it was more and more evident that behind his affections towards you, towards your daughter - it's significant. You've heard rumors, you know what people say about him - a conman, a two-faced liar, a scammer, a swindler and any other word to paint a not-so-great picture. You know of some of his deeds firsthand - no matter what your clown says he tends to ramble. Yet somehow it hardly pushes you away.

He is just…different when he drops by. First clue is him sticking to you and your daughter in the first place, I mean, where would you find a man of the Sampo Koski kind who would willingly hang out with a divorcee and her seven-year old kid? Who would go to the Opera just to see you perform? Play babysitter for your girl whenever he visits? Flirt with you without any ulterior motives included? Occupy your kitchen without blowing it up? Hold you in his arms at night and happily welcome the little princess to cuddle? Never ever ask to get intimate with him, even though it's clear as day that his antics have rubbed on you, making you more receptive to his affection? 

And now he is offering his help to a sick girl, who's just recently started calling him 'pa'. Either the snow will melt tomorrow and the sun will burn the metal, or Sampo is complex and loyal enough to view your extraordinary trio as a functioning family.

And the second probability is the one you like to believe in.

You almost jump when an arm slithers around your waist and brings your body closer to the sturdy one. Glancing up you see a grinning face lacking any trace of makeup, familiar short hair with a rollicking fringe and a precious gem of an eye gazing at you with teasing.

"What got you stuck here for so long, gorgeous? Were you daydreaming of me, perhaps?"

Damn, now he is lifting his eyebrows suggestively.

"Not necessarily daydreaming, but I was thinking of you, yeah," you yawn again, stepping forward and making him, still attached to your side, follow you.

"Good things, I hope?" Unintentionally his fingers flex, digging lightly into your skin. You decide not to look into his eyes this time - as much as you want to turn him shy.

"Mhm. With a hint of you being annoying though."

He huffs in offense. But fingers relax.

Just as you arrive at your daughter's bedroom you slide out of his half-embrace and reach for the knob, turning it quietly and opening the door. It’s quiet inside, with light pouring through the big window and illuminating the small figure of your daughter, seated under the blanket and reading a book. Upon hearing spotting the motion on her left, she glances up and when your gazes meet, you softly smile.

"Hey, sweety, guess who came to visit?"

"Pa!?"

The girl leans forward from multiple pillows behind her head and back, and little eyes sparkle with excitement. She notices the tall man in the door frame as you open the door more, revealing the pleasant surprise. Your angel claps her hands and wants to laugh, but sharp pain claws at her throat, choking her with a cough.

You and Sampo both rush to the bed. You understand that only when your hands cup her face simultaneously - his on her cheeks and yours on top of his knuckles. You coo sweetly, kissing her forehead and letting her into the man's embrace, closely watching when his strong arms tenderly wrap around this fragile body. She is murmuring something to him that makes him smile, and then he whispers something back, making her bury her face in his chest more and the lock of arms around his neck get tighter.

"He'll keep you company while I'll be sleeping for a little bit, alright, baby?" You caress her back and see her nod. "Then I'll leave you two to it. Sampo, her medicine is on the table over there, she needs to take the next pill in two hours. Also some chicken soup is in the kitchen. And if something goes wrong-"

"It won't," he cuts you off softly, "Sampo Koski will try his best."

"Okay… but if anything I'm one phone call and one door away."

"Point taken. Now go and rest. Me and princess have some quality time to spend."

For the first time in three days your eyes do not hurt upon opening up. Head doesn't throb, and heart doesn't ache for your girl, pushing your whole body to run to her room and tend to her. Allowing yourself a nice stretch - all arms and legs and arched back, you spread out on your bed. A quick glance to the alarm clock on a bedside table tells you it’s evening already and a stomach that rumbles the next second reminds you of a missed lunch. But first you have a girl and a man to check on.

Groaning, you force your body to get up and leave for the bathroom.

A little fresher and with hair a bit less wild, you exit your room and quietly tiptoe to your daughter’s bedroom, listening to any sign of interaction inside. Finding none, you carefully push the door open and stick your head inside, immediately noticing the familiar soft light of the nightstand lamp.

And then your gaze meets the one of gleaming emeralds. They steal your breath away and for a few moments you can’t bring yourself to look anywhere else. And then his eyes crinkle and you glance lower, seeing his lips tugging in an adoring smile. Can you still be dreaming? It sure feels like a tender fantasy, especially with your girl tucked to his chest with his arm around her little body and sleeping - her breath is still labored and nose is sure stuffy, but she looks much more content than this morning.

Just before you can open your mouth, Sampo hastily presses a finger to his lips. Next he lifts a hand with a phone in it and shakes it a little, accentuating your attention on the device.

Oh, right, your phone!

Quickly nodding you step out, not missing a quiet chuckle he releases, and as quickly and soundlessly as you can, hurry back to your room.

When you pick your phone there are already a couple of messages awaiting you.

Popo: Hey, just so you know she took her medicine and soup and we are reading fairy tales rn Popo: She fell asleep

You coo out loud at the cute selfie the man sent you with the message. Your daughter’s cheek pressed to his chest and little hands holding onto the blanket as the lower half of Sampo’s face got into the image as well. And there you see a smile.

As you are grinning giddily and saving the picture, a new message pops up, and then two more.

Popo: Heeeey where are you, pretty mama Popo: What takes you so looooong Popo: I wanna see your beautiful face, come baaaaaack 😩

‘Clingy,’ you snort, and type the very same word back, which gets you a gasping sticker.

You do, however, come back, and you never knew a person’s face could light up more. Oh, wait, you knew. Exactly because of Sampo.

Slowly lowering yourself on the edge of the bed - which is almost completely overtaken by a buff man (no surprise he had your daughter on his chest) you open the chat back.

You: Thank you, Sampo. She looks better than before. Popo: Don’t even mention it. But I want a reward~ You: Sampo, I am not kissing you, do you want all of us to potentially get sick? Popo: I wasn’t going ask for a kiss, but now that you mention it hehe 😙

You glance up from your phone and pinch his calf, making him bite his lip. At least it wiped that shit-eating grin off his face.

Popo: Ok, ok, I was kidding! But I do want a reward. Gimme your hand. You: What for? Popo: Just gimme.

Raising an eyebrow, you regard both of his hands - which are occupied. But Sampo winks and takes the phone in a hand, previously resting on the girl’s shoulder, and curls the fingers of his now free outstretched hand. And you slide your fingers over his.

Now the man too looks content.

You: Happy now? Popo: Blessed, I’d say 🥰. Want me to stay for a couple more days? I could help you around.

You glance up at him again. Your face must be wearing a stunned expression once more, because why else would he rub a thumb over your knuckles in a comforting manner?

You: Actually… I’d love that. And she would too. Popo: Perfect, good thing I already canceled all my plans. You: …what if I would’ve said no? Popo: I would’ve still stayed. Or get into your apartment against your will. You: Like I didn’t willingly give you a spare key - don’t make it sound like a breaking in. Popo: You know I could 😇

Shaking your head, but nevertheless smiling you tighten a hold around his hand.

You: Yeah, I know. Thank you again. Really. It means a lot. Popo: What, suggesting breaking into your apartment? You: Sampo… Popo: I’m messing with you! Just don’t pinch me again, I beg you.

You swear, if this man gets sick, you are not going to take care of his sorry ass.

…the decision you completely ditch when he actually does. Well, at the very least you girl, who recovered with your combined efforts, is happy he is staying for longer. 

Also hearing him whine and demand kisses is so funny.

taglist: @aksellerate, @keinavs, @the-fangirl-arrived, @nebulabunni3

[gaysindistress]

Van Helsing Retold - three

pairings: vamp hunter!reader x vamp!bucky

Summary: Under the cover of night, vampires and their hunters have been at war for centuries, never letting their bloodshed reach the light of day. That is until the wife of a powerful vampire leader, Steve Rogers is murdered and he demands revenge. Y/N Van Helsing is the target of his crusade and she comes face to face with his right hand man, Bucky Barnes.

Warnings: cursing

Word count: 2.5k

two | series masterlist

Tag list: permanent @hidden-treasures21 @cakesandtom @isabellatb @vonalyn

disclaimer: credits to original creator/poster of image/gif. found on Google/Pinterest. The women in the banners are purely for aesthetic purposes.

The smell that hasn’t left my mind for the last three, no four, I don’t know how many days but that’s besides the point. That smell has wrapped its imaginary arms around me and is holding me tight against its strong chest as I wake up. Sam’s voice is floating around me but the heartbeat in the chest I'm leaning against is louder, pounding in time with my own. Another voice, one that’s vaguely familiar and pulls at a thread somewhere inside of me, says something to Sam.

I feel something shift and I squint my eyes in an attempt to see my surroundings. We’re in a car now and Sam is driving. There must be someone else with us if he’s driving and I’m being cradled like a child.

Wait.

Fuck.

The vampire from the warehouse.

The vampire from the warehouse that’s been haunting my every waking and sleeping moment.

He was the one who barged in on our meeting with Helumt. He was the reason I felt an anger so violent and hostile that it threatened to make me sick. He was the reason Sam and I got out of there safely while I was a limp noodle in Sam’s arms.

Scratch that; a limp noodle in his arms. He’s the one who carried me out and is holding me tight as if i'll turn into ash if he lets me go.

“Van Helsing?” Sam’s voice calls to me and I blink at him through the rearview mirror, “Oh good you’re awake!”

“Thank you for the insightful observation, Wilson,”I shoot back and I feel a small rumble of laughter against my back. I want to look and confirm what I know to be true but I don’t want to admit it. I don’t want to admit that this vampire has saved my ass at least twice now. I don’t want to admit that I’m comfortable and I feel safe nestled in his arms. I don’t want to admit that I haven’t stopped thinking about him or that I’ve seen him in my dreams. I don’t want to admit that there’s a part of me that awoke that day and it aches when he’s not around.

“Wanna explain what happened?” Sam asks, throwing an accusing look at me

“Well if I had to guess, I’d say I fainted because I’m fresh out of the infirmary and I have a mild head wound that’s still healing. Oh and don’t forget the venom that’s eating away at my hand. I’d say I’m not exactly in fighting shape and my brain knocked me out so I wouldn’t hurt myself anymore.”

The vampire recoils a bit at the mention of my head wound and loosens his grip. Whatever anger of his that is left in me causes me to push off of him and face him.

“And you need to explain why you were at the club and the warehouse.”

His pale eyes widen at the anger directed at him but nonetheless he explains, “I was sent to find Peggy after she didn’t show up for an appointment and Sam asked me to come to the meeting with Helmut.”

It’s my turn to be wide eyed as I snap my eyes to Sam in the rearview mirror, “Sam did what now?”

“I said I had a lead,” he mumbles, not meeting my gaze.

“You didn’t tell me your lead was the fucking right hand to the leader of the Captain’s Guard!”

“If you know how I am then why did you ask me why I was at the warehouse?” The vampire asks, annoyed like I’m the problem.

“You,” I point my venomous finger at him, “don’t get to talk until I say so. As for Sam, you need to explain right the fuck now how and why you’re in bed with the Captain’s Guard.”

“I’m not in bed with them, Jesus,” he scoffs, “he called ME as a matter of fact and i knew that if we were going to make it out of that nightclub alive, we would need backup.”

I narrow my eyes at the vampire and he raises his eyebrows at me as if to remind me that he’s not allowed to speak until I say. I roll my eyes and tell him to start talking.

“As much as I hate all of you hunters, I hate your Guild Master even more. Killing Peggy was a shit call on his part and he’s going to let you and anyone else who tries to help you, take the fall. I told Sam that I would help him find the anti venom for your hand if he helped me frame Walker for Peggy’s death.”

I stay quiet for a moment as I try to process what he’s said, “that doesn’t explain why you’re doing this. I’m a Van Helsing, you should hate me more than any other hunter.”

He studies me, his eyes looking me up and down before he speaks, “I made a promise to your mother and she scares me more than you do.”

“My mother?”

Sam clears his throat and I shoot him daggers with my eyes.

Confusions hits me.

“She died when I was a baby. Peggy killed her.”

“That might be what she told everyone but it’s not true. I took your mother to a safe house to heal and she made me promise that I would never hurt you or let any hurt befall you.”

“You’re lying.”

“Trust me, I fucking wish I was.”

“Sam?” I look at my fellow hunter, “Is he telling the truth?”

The Falcon as he liked to call himself, refused to meet my gaze once again. He’d been maybe 17-18 when I showed up at the Guild as a small and crying baby. In true Van Helsing fashion, I had been wrapped in a black blanket with one of my family’s stakes tucked next to me and placed in a wicker basket on the doorstep of the previous Guild Master’s house. Tony had only been in his early 20s, the youngest Master to take over but he, Sam, and Happy raised me like I was their own. Now that Tony was dead and Happy hadn’t been seen in years, Sam would be the only person who knew what happened to my parents. I’d thought the story he’d told me, the one that Peggy had thrown at me, was the truth but from the way his eyes stay trained on the road, I realize it was a lie.

“Sam,” I try as my voice trembles, “is he telling the truth?”

The vampire’s hand gently grips my chin and pulls my face so that I’m looking at him.

“He’s not to blame. She made us all promise to keep you safe even if that meant lying to you.”

I slap his hand away, “Don’t touch me. I don’t give a single fuck what my mother said or what she made you promise. I don’t even know you so how can I even trust anything you have to say? As for Sam, he’s just as bad as you are and the moment we get to the Guild….”

He grips my chin again and forces me to stare into his eyes as he persuades me, “You will not speak of this to anyone and until I say so, you will stay silent and not move.”

My mouth and body comply without my permission.

Without control over my body, I zone out. Disassociate is a better word for the way I can’t remember the drive, getting out of the car, or how I’ve come to be sat on an emerald green tufted couch. Sam and the vampire are conversing in low voices but it doesn’t matter. I can’t hear them. My brain has effectively shut out everything but the sounds of rain hitting the window behind me and the fire that crackles out to my right. My eyes are trained on an open book that sits on a coffee table in front of me. I can’t read the words from this distance but I can at least appreciate that the owner of this house likes to read.

I feel a hand gently grip my chin and I find myself looking into those pale eyes as he grants me freedom of my body. Sam is tense, ready to grab me if I attack but I don’t. I stay in my corner of the couch and pull my legs up, not caring if my boots ruin the upholstery. I drop my forehead to rest on my knees and I would’ve assumed that anyone else would’ve walked away but the vampire doesn’t. He, instead, sits on the coffee table and leans forward so his forearms rest on his thighs.

“I’m sorry I persuaded you,” he offers the olive branch of pleasantness in a small voice, “I couldn’t let you get yourself hurt.”

“Or worse,” is unspoken but I can feel it in the weight of his gaze that’s fixed on top of my head.

“I still can't understand why you care what happens to me,” I say barely above a whisper but I know he hears me.

“I already told you.”

“And I don’t believe you.”

“You don’t have to nor do I expect you to,” there’s an odd heaviness in his words that I also feel in my throat. Rejection and frustration sit on my chest, constricting my breathing but it’s not mine.

“Good to know we’re on the same page.”

“Y/N,” Sam chides me from behind the vampire, “he’s not the enemy here. He can help get rid of Walker like you’ve been wanting.”

“I didn’t mean kill him!” I shout at him, “sure he’s annoying and pushy and the worst hunter I’ve ever seen but that doesn’t mean that he needs to die.”

Sam gives me a blank stare, “how many times has he sent you to do some crazy shit where you’ve almost gotten killed?”

I don’t answer. He’s not wrong; Walker has sent me on several suicide missions, Peggy being the most recent but most certainly not the last. Once again I can feel someone else’s emotions rise in me, squeezing the life out of my internal organs as they try to crawl out. Stealing a glance at the vampire, I see that his face is contorted with anger but he’s trying and failing to hide it.

I swear to all things holy if this is somehow his doing.

“It’s not for certain that Steve will kill him,” Sam adds.

The vampire before me shoots me a concerned look before looking over his shoulder at Sam, “I hope you’re joking.”

“I didn’t say he wouldn’t make him wish he was dead, just that he might not kill him.”

The vampire turns to me again, “it’s up to you, Y/N.”

I furrow my brows at him, confused about how he knows my name.

“That’s the least of your concerns,” he shoots back as if I’d said it out loud. I didn’t think I had but I shake it off.

“Give me the anti venom first and then I’ll decide.”

“That’s not how negotiations work.”

“Do I look like I give a fuck? Anti venom and then I’ll decide if I’m going to sell my soul to the devil.”

He rolls my eyes at the dramatics of my statement, “it’s not that easy.”

“It really is.”

“No it’s not,” he says sternly and I want to fire back more but he continues, “Helmut was right. Whatever anti venom we find won’t work on you. What you need is damn near impossible to get unless you’re willing.”

“And what do I need to be willing to do?”

Sam tenses and shoots nervous glances between us. I narrow my eyes at him and then look back to the vampire, repeating my question.

“Drinking the blood of the vampire that infected a moral can reverse the turning process only if they’re in the midst of it.”

“Peggy’s dead, how does that help me?”

The vampire doesn’t seem to even register that I asked a question, “Do you know what mates are?”

I blink at him, “excuse me?”

“Do you…”

“Yes I know what they are, why?” I snap and interrupt him.

Annoyance flashes in his blue eyes, “the mating bond doesn’t awaken until a mortal has completed the process. There have been a few cases where it can happen during. If that happens, the blood of the vampire mate can reverse it but it severs the bond completely and can kill the vampire. It’s like taking out our hearts and expecting our blood to keep pumping.”

“Well you don’t have a beating heart so…”

“You get the point,” he snaps back.

“What does this have to do with me?” I ask while looking between him and Sam. The latter is already looking at me with a mixture of sadness and… hope in his dark eyes. Whatever hope he’s placed in this vampire is sorely mistaken and he’d be better to place it in our Guild Master John Walker.

The vampire’s watching me, studying me for any indication of what I’m thinking or feeling. It makes me uneasy to have his full attention on me but I can’t show it. Instead I drop my feet back to the ground and cross my arms over my chest as I repeat my question, “I’m not a vampire nor am I in the turning process so what do mating bonds have to do with me?”

“You are in the process. Stopped, frozen, or slow, you’re still turning and since you killed the one who infected you, the mating bond is the only way to save you.”

I laugh.

I laugh so loud and so hard that both men flinch. I laugh so long that my chest hurts and my lungs burn. Tears prick my eyes and my entire body aches from how long I laugh. When my laughter finally stops and I’m clutching my sides, I look between the two men. Neither mirror my amusement and it’s only slightly concerning.

“What?”

Sam shakes his head, “this is serious, Y/N.”

“I’m well aware that this is serious but you can’t seriously believe that I would fall for any of the bullshit he’s spewing.”

The vampire flinches slightly, “I’m telling the truth. What reason do I have to lie?”

“Oh just about a million,” I scoff before standing up, “my head is starting to hurt again, is there somewhere I can lay down?”

The vampire doesn’t respond but Sam stands too and leads me out of the room. Hurt beings to deep into my chest and it twists around inside me, causing a deep ache to start throbbing.

“He’s trying to help you,” Sam says softly with an edge of disappointment.

“But why? Sam, he’s Bucky Barnes, the right hand of the Captain’s Guard. He has no reason other than his own selfish ones to help us and I can’t trust just that.”

“Then trust that your mom and I trust him.”

I stop dead in my tracks, “as far as I’m concerned she died that night and your word has come to mean nothing to me.”

[daz4i]

O P Q Z for the silly lil ask game~! (and for z i shall prompt bsd cos why not?)

ehehe thank you!!!! :D

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

look away by the dear hunter... oikawa tooru song fr fr

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

you wanna ask about my bsdlands au. you wanna ask abt my bsdlands au so bad.

askldjfgh but to make a new one on the spot. well it's not really mine bc it's in mayoi but i neeeed more thief dazai and detective chuuya. except everyone in the agency is also a thief and they pull heists together and it's great and chuuya is fighting for his life bc he keeps running into them right as they leave the scene but they never leave any evidence behind so he can't actually do anything about it. also to spice things up i want it to have some weird hidden identity stuff like dazai always wearing a mask during heists and thus chuuya is unable to recognize him when they meet somewhere outside, perhaps even start dating, up until a certain point (where he like. saw thief!dazai get injured during a heist. and then he sees the same injury on him later. or something like that) and then it turns into chuuya in conflict on whether or not he can trust dazai and whether he should keep pursuing the case (bc. he still doesn't have concrete evidence. also i wanna say dazai knows that chuuya knows but pretends he doesn't. to add a layer to it like chuuya questioning and hoping that he got it wrong and it's all a weird coincidence but like deep down he knows that's not the case and just refuses to admit it bc he may or may not have caught feelings)

and i started rambling and it turned into a monster lol i apologize. if anyone wants to take this^ and do anything with it PLEASE do and tag me in it if you do u3u

Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why.

south park. bc it got Very Bad to the point it made me stop caring abt any of it aside from the friends i made through the fandom

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go!

OH GOD OKAY so. the doa's current goal confuses me a lot. at least fukuchi's ig. like at first when he talked abt erasing nations and borders i was like fuck yeah. and i thought the issue is the method, mind control, but i understood where he was coming from with his ptsd and such. but now it kinda looks like he just wants to kill everyone...? king what is this meant to achieve. are you literally just so mad abt your divorce you want to burn the whole world. damn just get a journal or smth! fr tho i can't see how it's meant to align with his initial goals or with his trauma, and how he came to this conclusion?? i thought the point of getting one order is to STOP needless bloodshed?? so bro what is thissssss what are you doinggggggg why!!!!!!!!!

send some fandom asks?

[kitten4sannie]

ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴅᴇᴀᴛʜ + ʀᴏʙᴏᴛꜱ

ꜱᴇᴅᴜᴄᴛɪᴏɴ/ꜱᴇɴꜱᴏʀʏ ᴅᴇᴘʀɪᴠᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ➠ ꜱᴀɴ

pairing: cyber stripper! san x gang leader! reader (fem) feat. gang member! wooyoung and a surprise cameo from matz <3

genre: cyberpunk au, smut

summary: too accustomed to chaos and bloodshed as a hardened gang leader, you need to wind down a bit with the help of san, a popular cyber stripper you always find yourself coming to visit in downtown neo city.

w.c: 4.5k

warnings: 2k words of plot, depictions of blood/violence in the intro, a cute lil cigarette kiss ;; (irl smoking is so bad for you DON’T DO IT 🫵🏼), references to the game cyberpunk, alcohol use, pussydrunk maniac switch! san, subby babygirl switch! reader, cybernetic body parts…..dykwim…., only praise in this one (shocking ik), pet names, dirty talk, use of a tie as a blindfold, oral (receiving), spit play, fingering, san grinds into the bed bc he’s so needy :(, cockwarming, tit play, kissing, dick riding, nipple play (f/m receiving ehehehe), mating press…., creampies galore !!!!

a/n: reuploaded bc tumblr wants to play games…. i hope this ends up in the tags or else i’m gonna be pissed ;; anyways!! this was one of my absolute faves to write i just ADORE cyberpunk stuff so i almost couldn’t stopp >< it makes me wanna turn this into a series or something ;^; so aaaaaaaAAA i can’t believe fff is over *sobs* this was such an amazing journey and i just wanna thank each and every one of you for coming along, supporting me, and leaving me the most wonderful feedback i could ask for 🥹🫶🏼 im thinkinggg about doing kinktober this year sooo see you then? ~~ <3

Now Playing:

ʜᴏɴᴇʏ (ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴍɪɴɢ?) ʙʏ ᴍᴀɴᴇꜱᴋɪɴ

0:01 ❍─────── 4:28

Volume: ▁▂▃▄▅▆▇ 100%

ᴘʀᴇᴠ | ꜰꜰꜰ ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ | ɴᴇxᴛ

In Neo City, you had two options: live a life of crime and bloodshed all in the name of the almighty dollar, or be out on the streets, doing whatever necessary to feed yourself, doomed to be forgotten by the cruel sands of time, all while the rich got richer and the poor got poorer. Even in a city that sported the newest advances in technology, highly developed amenities, and shiny, lit-up streets filled with opportunities for material surplus and virtual sin, it all remained the same in the end. It made you feel hopeless the longer you thought about it — not that you ever had much time to think about anything, given your chaotic lifestyle. 

Right on cue, a group of enemy gang members filed in through the broken-down garage door that led to your cramped hideout, immediately shouting profanities at you and firing off in all directions, trying to pick off as many of your underlings as they could, only successfully grazing a few of them with hot lead. 

“Boss, you better get down here!” Wooyoung, one of your most trusted underlyings, shouted from the bottom floor of the makeshift living space, wiping a bit of sweat from his sharp jaw, nervously licking at the mole on his lip as he slowly dragged one of his injured friends away from the commotion and placed him behind a bullet hole ridden couch. 

Still inside your bedroom on the second floor, you went straight for a silver case that you kept underneath your bed and set it down on the mattress, flipping it open. You sighed at its contents, about to shed a tear. Good thing you had picked up something this useful at the last illegal cyber swap meet you attended. 

“Boss! Help! Please!” the young underlying called out in a slightly higher pitched tone, now hiding behind the couch, hastily pushing a few bullets into the chamber of his smoking gun, accidentally dropping a few of them onto the concrete floor below. 

“Coming!” You pressed a few buttons on your sleek metal arm, eventually sliding a large metallic blade into the open metal seams until it locked in, blue streams of light darting back and forth through the seams to let you know that it was ready to use. You ran down the stairs, the sound of your heavy boots hitting the pavement growing silent upon stepping into something wet. 

Seeing the spilled blood of your members, your family, sent you over the deep end. Red rings of light circled around your straining pupils, and a faint ringing overtook your ears, not fully in control of your body when you began to take your enemies head-on, dodging their bullets and slicing them up until your hideout was stained with more crimson. 

After the massacre was finally over, you slowly made your way back to one of the couches that had your injured cohorts haphazardly laying on it, either smoking cigarettes or clutching onto their wounds, some doing both at once, their eyes glazed over, the post-fight flood of dopamine hitting their wired brains. You plopped onto the couch where they left you a seat like always, ran your fingers through your damp hair and pulled out a cigarette from your blood-stained jacket, turning your head to face your dear friend, leaning in close to him.

With a lit cigarette in between his lips, Wooyoung quietly closed the space between the two of you, the end of his cig kissing yours until it was lit. You both silently studied each other’s sweaty faces, simply existing in the moment after the chaos. 

“What was it about this time…?” you asked softly, after you turned your head to blow out a puff of smoke, leaning your back into the couch. 

“It was over some dumb shit…” Wooyoung settled into the couch as well, angling his head up towards the ceiling. He rubbed at the cut on his cheek with his hoodie sleeve, smearing some blood across his tan skin. “One of our guys accidentally sold some dorph on the wrong turf. Then he got a little trigger happy when someone made a big fucking deal about it.” 

“Ahh…” You let out a long sigh, taking in a drag of the cigarette, the collective taste of smoke and iron lingering inside your mouth. Whether or not it was wrong to take the lives you did wasn’t up to you to decide. It was your maker’s when your metal ticker finally decided to give up on you.

You lingered there a bit longer, unconsciously reaching over to run your fingers through Wooyoung’s sweaty, disheveled hair, giving his head a few gentle pats, wanting him to know that you were proud of his constant bravery and loyalty to you without actually being able to say it yourself. You could kill in cold blood but shuddered in fear over speaking from the heart. How ironic. 

It wasn’t until Wooyoung hesitantly placed his hand over your bruised knuckles and nuzzled the inside of your palm that you pulled away, putting out your cigarette in a full ashtray that was sitting on the messy coffee table in front of you. You reached into one of your jacket pockets and pulled out a stack of Eddies, tossing it into Wooyoung’s lap. “Take anyone injured with you down to Yunho’s shop. Get yourself fixed up for me, okay?” 

Wooyoung flipped through the stack, looking up at you with wide eyes as you stood up from the couch and stretched. “Are you sure? This is way more than we need, Boss…” 

“I know.” You turned to look down at your beloved cohort, reaching down to caress his cheek with a gentleness you were surprised you still possessed after all those long, violent nights you spent taking lives and accruing their blood-stained cash, briefly licking at your thumb and rubbing the dried blood from his cheek. “Get yourself some upgrades while you’re there. You’ve earned it.”

Wooyoung stayed completely still, like he didn’t want to scare you off, his cheeks growing hotter by the second. Once he saw that you were simply standing there, letting the moment happen, his face softened and his eyes lit up, his lips curling up into a bright smile, wanting to say so much more than, “Thank you, Boss…” 

As you made your way back up to your room and into your shower to clean yourself up, you thought about the pretty smile Wooyoung gave you. It reminded you of someone you hadn’t seen in quite a while, his dimpled smile never seeming to leave the partly synthetic confines of your mind. Pressing your metal hand into the tile wall for support, you felt your thumping heart skip a beat, a few beads of sweat dripping past your flushed cheeks, making you wonder if your shower was too hot, or if you were going soft. It’s not like you were in love with him. He was the most sought-after cyber stripper in downtown Neo City, after all. He probably had an army of rich corpo men and women already lined up just waiting to sweep him off his feet. Sure, you had money like them, but theirs wasn’t tainted in the same way. They weren’t tainted like you, doomed to a life of voluntary solitude. You pressed your hot cheek into the cool tile, glancing downwards to watch the red-tinted water swirl around into the drain. None of it mattered, anyways. You just needed a drink and a good fuck. That was all. 

࿏࿏࿏

“I want a vodka on the rocks. Don’t give me that cheap shit either,” you told the small robot that rolled up beside your VIP table, tapping lightly against its smooth chrome surface. You looked to the side, spotting a robotic couple that couldn’t keep their hands off of each other on the large dance floor of the crowded club, causing you to sink lower against the soft cushions behind you. “You know what? Just bring me the whole bottle.” 

The robot blinked its simple eyes at you through the clear glass, calculating its response. “A full bottle of alcohol is not recommended for consumption by a singular person. Can I perhaps recommend–”

“I recommend you shutting the fuck up, robot.” You snapped a finger in its direction, crossing one leather bound thigh over the other, shoving a few bills into the slot that was placed in the middle of its machinery. “Now, get going.” 

You watched the robot slowly roll away into the crowd of patrons, before your attention snapped to the middle stage when people and cyborgs alike began to cheer. No one seemed to notice when two elegant looking men decked out in shades and fur coats that smelled suspiciously of gunpowder made their way across the busy club, especially not once the stage suddenly became bathed in sinful red lighting, the cyber stripper you swore up and down you weren’t in love with taking slow, deliberate steps across it. 

Dressed in a form-fitting suit that you’d probably see a stuck-up corpo drone wearing on his way to work, San eventually stood at the edge of the stage and ran his hands slowly up his body as soon as a bass-heavy, seductive track bumped through the large speakers around you, a voice announcing, “It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for, folks. Our very own hopeless romantic, Choi San, is blessing the stage with his new routine. You better bring out the big bills if you want to see what kind of cyber parts he’s got hiding underneath those tight clothes of his.” 

Just as the robot brought you your bottle of alcohol, you took a long swig from it, sinking down a little more into your seat, reaching into one of your pockets just to feel the stacks of cash that still sat inside, unable to take your eyes off of the cyber stripper that turned away from you and the crowd to show off the curves off his ass through his tight work pants, gently pulling his blazer off and revealing just how small his waist looked from behind. 

A few people threw money at him, cheering and whistling, as he rolled his body along to the sultry music, leaning his head back dramatically just as he began to tug his tie off, an overtly erotic expression woven into his hypnotically beautiful face. 

Just as the music began to come to an intense peak, he dropped to his knees, bringing the tie up into his mouth to bite down onto it, expertly rolling his hips in a fluid motion like he was fucking into someone on the stage floor. The crowd went absolutely apeshit, Eddies floating in the air around San, everyone’s attention on the club’s most beloved stripper — but, like clockwork, his attention was on you. See, San was a sucker for a woman in power, for a femme fatale that could provide him raw, unadulterated excitement, and he simply couldn’t get you out of his mind, couldn’t stop reminiscing about what it felt like to have you underneath him, taking all that he could give you. 

His piercing, cat-like eyes never left yours, even as he unbuttoned his vest and tugged it off, revealing an expanse of smooth tan skin and straining muscles, grabbing someone’s hand to run it along the pronounced ridges of his abs, his tongue swiping across his lips.  

You took a few more sips of your liquid courage, one hand clutching your thigh, hardly able to handle the blinding heat that blazed away inside your core. It wasn’t until San began to unbuckle his tight pants and gently ease them down just enough to show off the edges of his hips and the neat trail of hair that led to his cock, that you got up onto your feet and made your way up to the main stage, a few patrons taking cautious steps out of your way when they saw your face. It turned up on their holo devices during the evening news too frequently for them to not know who you were.

Quite amused with your presence, San stood directly above you with his hands on his bare hips, giving you a good view of his half-hard cock pressing into the thin material of his pants, his hands slowly running from his hips down to his inner thighs, just barely grazing over his cock each time. “It’s good to see you again, angel. Are you here to have some fun with me?” 

Barely able to speak, let alone think, with the way your head, heart, and cunt was pounding, you pulled the stack of bills out of your pocket and reached up to pull the lip of his pants down, revealing his cock to yourself and the enthusiastic crowd just long enough to tuck the stack comfortably inside the hem. “Need to fuck you, San,” you requested softly, but firmly enough that it roused the cyber stripper enough to jump down from the stage and pick you up bridal style. 

It wasn’t until San brought you to one of the empty love rooms and sat you down on the edge of the heart-shaped bed that you complained. “You can’t just carry me around like that in front of everyone, San…I have a reputation…” 

San stood in front of you, reaching down to run his fingers through your hair, humming softly, rings of light rapidly rushing around the edges of his eyes. “You know your reputation doesn’t matter when you’re here with me, baby…” He reached for the bottom of your chin, tilting it up towards his smiling face, his thumb gently pressing into your bottom lip. “Just your pleasure.” 

“My…pleasure…” you repeated in a soft whisper, your hand automatically reaching out to settle on his hips. 

“Yes, sweetheart.” San slowly brought himself down to you, pressing his lips lightly against yours, just enough to draw you in. He pulled away teasingly, seeing the desperation inside your fervent gaze, his own eyes creasing with mischievous amusement. “Should I give you a reminder?” 

You swallowed hard, not wanting your thumping heart to somehow leap out of your throat and ruin the moment with the cybernetic man you most definitely weren’t in love with. “Yes, please…” 

San, who had his tie hanging loosely from his neck, took it off and leaned down, wrapping it around your head to block your vision. Sensing your slight hesitation, he cradled your jaw, pressing a few kisses along it, whispering, “It’ll feel so much better when I put my mouth on you like this…Trust me.” 

San wasn’t lying. Since your vision was blacked out, you focused entirely on where he touched you once he discarded your clothes, feeling his strong hands slide along your thighs, his thumbs spreading you apart, his tongue slowly lapping at your cunt, his warm breath and spit hitting your clit when he sucked on it. “Fuck, San….” 

Your hands went straight into his styled hair, though he didn’t care one bit when you began to mess it up by tugging on it, simply burying his face deeper into your cunt to drag his tongue rapidly back and forth over your sensitive clit, groaning all the while. When your thighs squeezed around his head, he clutched them tight, holding them in place. “You’ll be good and cum all over my face, won’t you, baby? You’ll let me get a taste of you?” 

“Yes, San…I’m so close already…” You nodded weakly, desperately wishing you could see what the man of your dreams looked like in between your thighs, but choosing to be patient, not realizing what his next plan of attack was until you were being filled by two thick fingers, moaning at the feeling of them rubbing eagerly against your pulsing walls. “Oh my god, San…!” 

“Baby, won’t you call me by my other name? The one I like to hear?” he sighed against your cunt, giving it one long lick past his thrusting fingers to your clit, pursing his lips to send a wad of spit onto it, before he licked it up once more. 

“Sannie…” you moaned out, feeling a familiar heaviness pool within your core, the muscles in your thighs starting to tighten up, your fingers gripping the man’s hair just a little tighter. “Make me cum, please, I’m right there…” 

San moaned back just from hearing you call out his name in such a way, starting to desperately thrust his hips forward against the side of the mattress, wanting to get some friction against his large, aching cock. “I’ll make you cum so hard, baby, just like always,” he promised haphazardly with his lips and tongue on your clit, fervently licking at it with his small pink tongue, easily slipping in a third digit into your squelching hole, curling them up just in time to hear you let out a shaky cry. “That’s it, sweetheart, just like that…You’re so good for your Sannie…” 

When you came, you came hard, your body fully locking up once the intense waves of pleasure washed over you, unable to keep yourself from tugging the tie from your eyes once you could catch your breath. The already low lights of the room hurt your eyes for a second, having to blink a few times to truly focus on the state of the man who just sent you to cyber heaven. He was looking up at you with his big brown eyes, small digital hearts present within them, his raven hair tousled, a few damp strands clinging to his forehead. His cheeks and arousal-stained lips sported an alluring reddish hue, the flush making its way all the way down to his long, curved cock, the tip of it leaking vast amounts of pre-cum onto the floor below. 

“You made me feel so good, Sannie,” you praised him softly, reaching down to caress his warm cheek, running your thumb across the cute mole underneath his eye. “You deserve to feel good too, don’t you?” 

“Uh-huhhh…I’m so hard, it hurts…” The dominance San once displayed was instead overcome with submissive neediness, a whimper leaving his lips, once he began to rub his cock against the mattress a bit harder, looking up to you for approval. 

“Aww, do you want to rub your cock against my pussy instead of using the bed like that?” you asked teasingly, pressing your thumb into his bottom lip. 

“Yes, please…” 

That was all it took for you to reach down for his hands, coaxing him onto the bed with you and gently pushing him down onto his back. “You always take such good care of me, Sannie, always take such good care of everyone that visits you…Do you want to be taken care of like that too?” you cooed sweetly, as you straddled him and slowly sank down onto his oversized cock, feeling its sleek, cybernetic curves fill you up just right. 

“Yeah, I do…Please take care of me, Y/N…” San moaned loudly when your bodies finally connected, all the synthetic pleasure he felt in his cock going straight to his head, entirely grateful for the recent upgrades he got from his ripperdoc. 

You stayed still on his lap, simply cockwarming him until you felt that you should move, leaning down to press kisses onto his neck and along his collarbone, his pre-cum causing a soft squelching sound to escape where your bodies joined together. “You feel so much bigger inside…Did you get a naughty upgrade, Sannie?” 

“I got the pleasure package…” San murmured shyly, reaching up to rub his hands along your thighs, slowly making his way up past your waist to your chest to knead your tits against his palms. “It increased my length and width by three inches, gives me longer cumshots, and makes me more sensitive…” 

You giggled softly, moving your hips up and lowering them back down just to make San groan out from the sudden slick friction, hovering above him, your faces a few inches away from each other. “Want me to milk you dry, Sannie?” you asked underneath your breath, running your hands up along his abdomen to his chest, feeling his muscles contract slightly underneath your touch. 

San bit into his bottom lip, his cock pulsing steadily inside your leaking cunt, wondering if his rapidly beating heart was simply a glitch in his coding. “Yeah…” 

That was all it took for you to rest your hands securely on the fullness of his chest, and begin desperately bouncing on his throbbing cock, not wanting to stop until he filled you up so deep with his load, that you’d be willing to survive another day in Neo City. 

“Y/N, fuck, you’re so tight,” San whined, squeezing your tits in between his fingers, eventually letting his hands slide down your abdomen until he got to your cunt, taking turns rubbing each of his thumbs into your sensitive clit, causing your hips to stutter. “Come on, baby, don’t you dare stop riding my cock…You’re going to cum just like this…”

“Just like this, Sannie?” you panted out, smiling at the way he desperately nodded back, gently squeezing his chest in a similar fashion, running your own thumbs along the hardness of his nipples, delighted with the way he began to arch his back into your touch. “All of you is so sensitive, huh? Not just your cock…” 

“It all feels so good, baby. You make me feel amazing…It drives me crazy…” San jolted suddenly when you pinched one of his nipples, emitting a whiny sound of approval, starting to buck his hips up into you on his own.

“You drive me crazy too, Sannie…I can’t seem to stay away from you…” you admitted, pressing your hands into his pecs, before slowly lowering yourself down to his lips to kiss him, wrapping your arms around his neck. 

“Then, don’t…” San whispered back, before he caught your mouth against his, your lips and tongues meeting in the middle, getting lost in the heat of the moment, reaching for your hips so that he could drive himself further inside you. It didn’t seem to be enough; he needed to be closer to you, needed his cum to reach your womb. 

“Sannie…!” you suddenly gasped out, when he rolled onto you and and positioned himself so that he had you in a proper mating press, his throbbing, dripping cock slipping back into you, much deeper this time. 

“Need to fuck you full, baby, need you to have my cum so deep in your pretty pussy, it won’t drip out until you get home…” San began to drool into your mouth, sucking gently on your tongue, despite the way he began pounding himself into you so hard, you couldn’t seem to catch your breath, instead having to just take what he gave you. 

“Please, Sannie– Please, give it to me!” You began to see stars, unknowingly sending your nails down his broad back from the vast amounts of pleasure surging through your body, unable to keep yourself from whimpering when he suddenly stopped moving completely, his cum beginning to pour inside and coat your pulsing walls with thick globs of white. 

“Oh my god, there it is, baby, all for you,” San groaned huskily into your neck, pressing a few kisses into it and along your jaw, smiling sweetly at the hearts present within your own barely open, digitally enhanced eyes. He rubbed your thighs in gentle circles, sliding out for a second to let some of the milkiness spill out of your used cunt and pushed back in, just in time for his cock to twitch, filling you up with a few more pumps of hot cum. “Fuck…how was that, baby?” 

“So good, San, you don’t even know…” You could hardly move, filled to the very brim with San’s load, jolts of pleasure still shooting through you, a pleasant fuzziness running along the edges of your brain. “Wish I could feel like this every day.” You bit your bottom lip, wondering if it was the leftover pleasure or the slight buzz that made you want to be honest with San. “Wish I could see you more…” 

San’s expression softened, his already pink cheeks sporting a darker hue, his deep desire to see and know more about the mysterious gang leader that visited him once in a blue moon increasing tenfold. However, he didn’t know exactly how to express the myriad of things he was feeling, so he simply replied, “I wish you could too. I never want you to leave…” 

“San…” you whispered, your heart just about imploding from hearing his heartfelt words, about to suck it up and tell him how you really felt when a sudden loud boom shook the walls of the club, causing a bit of dust and debris to float into the air, the distinct smell of smoke filling up your noses, the sprinklers inside the room immediately going off, along with the smoke detector. 

“What the hell was that?” San gasped, sitting up, but instinctively pulling you into his arms to protect you from any harm, looking around the room for some kind of a clue. 

It was then that a shaky, agitated voice came out through the speaker within the room, warning, “For those who are somehow unaware, someone set off a goddamn bomb inside the club. A fire broke out and now we’re fucked. Do you hear me? Fucked. Get out while you still can, motherfuckers.” The man’s voice grew a bit quieter, some feedback sounds ringing out, someone’s hushed voice not legible through the speakers. “No, I don’t have insurance for this shithole. How was I supposed to know some prick would set off a fucking bomb in here? You know what? You’re fired just for that. Get off my dick–”

When the announcement cut off, the both of you stared at each other for a while, slowly getting soaked by the spraying sprinklers. You saw the deep concern in San’s eyes and the sudden loss that he was trying to come to terms with. “San…” 

“I don’t know what I’m going to do…This place is all I know…It was all I was programmed to know…” San murmured, not even caring that the water brought his raven bangs into his sad eyes. 

You cautiously reached forward to cup his cheeks, holding them tightly. Before you could have the chance to doubt yourself, you blurted out, “Come home with me. I’ll take care of you. I’ll make sure you never have to worry about a thing.” 

San’s eyes widened. He wasn’t very used to anyone giving him anything in return. He was the giver. He was always the giver. “You’d do that for me…?” 

“Of course, San, I–” You caught yourself. It was too early for that, after all. Instead, you moved his hair out of the way and brought your lips to his forehead, giving it a kiss before looking back into his eyes. “I care about you. I want you to be safe…with me.”

San reached up to cradle your face within his calloused hands, feeling a warmth spread throughout his entire body, making him wonder if he was more human than robot. He smiled brightly, his eyes creasing at the corners. “Then, what are you waiting for, Y/N? Take me home.”

fff taglist: @itza-meee @chnt1 @k-hotchoisan @wonyobie @vampiregirl215 @christmastodoroki @luvt0kki @goldnhwa @choisanboobenthusiast @icyb3rry @maximofftrash @choism @yunhosmelonbar @nebulousbookshelf @astayinwonderland @slutologyy @10nantscompanion @ddaeing @pandagirl-016 @horanghae8 @smally97 @ateezzzser  @bubblegumbird @midnightmaja @i2nsstuff @asimpelslut @wisejudgedragonhairdo @deathbyyeekies @firefox79 @wildesreblogs @everyonewooeverywhere @raspberrysannie @channiespup @abby-grace @seonghwaddict @mxnsxngie @jeongwangjessmina @hwallazia

Apply for the taglist here ⇢ ♡

© kitten4sannie, 2024.

[wexarethewalkingxdead]

What Form of Love Do You Embody?

love as being known

[ love is knowing all of someone and loving them anyway ] when tim kreider said "if we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known" and when joe wright said "The idea that these two people know each other, knew each other when they first saw each other. That they recognized each other from their future" and when micah nemerever said "it was a relief and a horror to be known so perfectly"

love as tenderness

[ love as gentleness after a lifetime of cruelty ] when ocean vuong said "sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you've been ruined" and when pablo neruda said "like a jar you housed the infinite tenderness and the infinite oblivion shattered you like a jar" and when anais mitchell wrote "all i've ever known is how to hold my own, and now i wanna hold you, too”

love as religion

[ love as the sole object of your reverence--nothing about you is holy, but maybe your love for another is ] when sappho said "in the crooks of your body i find my religion" and when the cast of les mis sang "to love another person is to see the face of God" and when halsey said "i found God, i found him in a lover" and when katherine philips wrote "to the dull angry world let's prove there's a religion in our love"

love as light

[ love as a luminous force—warm, radiant, and golden ] when mary oliver wrote "light of the world hold me” and when charles bukowski said “I look at her and light goes all through me” and when david viscott said “to love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides”and when e. e. cummings said “lovers alone wear sunlight”

love as violence

[ love as bloodshed, crimson as a knife slipped between your ribs ] when ocean vuong said "to arrive at love, then, is to arrive through obliteration" and when franz kafka said "you are the knife i turn inside myself; that is love" and when ada limon said "how do you love? like a fist. like a knife" and when richard siken said "sorry about the blood in your mouth. i wish it was mine"

love as tenderness

[ love as gentleness after a lifetime of cruelty ] when ocean vuong said "sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you've been ruined" and when pablo neruda said "like a jar you housed the infinite tenderness and the infinite oblivion shattered you like a jar" and when anais mitchell wrote "all i've ever known is how to hold my own, and now i wanna hold you, too”

love as hunger

[ love as ravenous desire, love as something fragrant and home-built ] when florence welch said "we all have a hunger" and when jenny slate asked "who will come into my kitchen and be hungry for me?" and when violet trefusis wrote "I want you hungrily, frenziedly. passionately. I am starving for you..." and when anne carson asked "what are we made of but hunger and rage?"

love as hunger

[ love as ravenous desire, love as something fragrant and home-built ] when florence welch said "we all have a hunger" and when jenny slate asked "who will come into my kitchen and be hungry for me?" and when violet trefusis wrote "I want you hungrily, frenziedly. passionately. I am starving for you..." and when anne carson asked "what are we made of but hunger and rage?"

tagged by: @lunarruled tagging: anyone and everyone!

[onceuponastory]

the story of you - bucky barnes x reader

“If I’m out of line,  Just show me the door I promise you, I I won’t come here no more” - door by i don’t know how, but they found me

Plot: Bucky and the late night bartender in an almost empty bar make a connection. If only he could get over his past. Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader (very slight) Warnings: A few mentions of Bucky’s past as the Winter Soldier (but nothing too graphic), alcohol, blood, and the anxiety and negative feelings/self doubt about himself he has afterwards. As always, if I miss any triggers please let me know! Notes: This is just a little, short Bucky thing I wrote. I hope you like it. Thank you to @thesundrop / @astartothemoon for my divider! Not beta’d, so any mistakes are my own.

Will this be continued? Let’s see, LMAO.

“Rough night, huh?” Bucky looks up and sees the face of the bartender staring back at him. A small smile plays on her lips. Bucky feels himself blushing. So much for being understated. That’s why he came to this bar, one away from his apartment, in the first place. This is a place where nobody knows him, and where he can just be Bucky Barnes for a while. Not the Winter Soldier, and not the monster. At least they can’t see his metal arm. At least the bartender is cute, though. He glances at the name tag on her shirt that reads “Y/N”.

“It’s that easy to tell, huh?” he chuckles awkwardly. But then again, it’s not too difficult to assume that a man like him would be sitting alone in an almost empty bar on a Tuesday night. Especially not when they look as tired and haunted as Bucky does. Honestly, he’s surprised she hasn’t said anything by now. He braces himself for a probing question. Instead, though, she simply shrugs.

“Nah, not really. Haven’t seen you around, and you’ve been knocking a lot of those back. It was pretty obvious something’s up.” Oh. Yeah, that’ll do it. “I will say, though, you can hold your liquor much better than our regulars. That’s a pretty big achievement.” She praises. Of course, Y/N has no idea that the reason Bucky doesn’t feel the effects of alcohol is because of the serum. The same one that was forced upon him all those years ago. He wishes he does feel the effects, though. That way, he could have something to block out everything he’s been through. All the pain, all the fear, all the bloodshed…he wouldn’t remember a thing. That would be perfect.

Instead, though, Bucky chuckles, forcing the same smile as he always does. The one he uses to mask all his pain and torment. “Well, thanks.” He lifts the bottle to his lips, drinking the last remnants of his beer. “You’re good at guessing, huh?”

“I know almost everything there is to know about people in here.” She replies, sliding over another beer, which Bucky graciously accepts. “It comes with the job. Either that, or I just make up an exciting story. It’s a good way to pass the time when the place is practically empty and I’m bored.” She admits, and they both laugh. “What’s your name then, stranger?”

“Bucky.” 

“Nice to meet you, Bucky.” Y/N smiles. She holds her hand out over the bar, which Bucky shakes. “I’m Y/N. If you couldn’t already tell from the name tag, that is.” Bucky finds himself wondering what it would be like to know Y/N outside of work, to know what stories she has to tell, and the things she’s seen. 

“She’s just being nice to you because she has to. It’s her job. Who says she’d want to go out with you?” A little voice in his head tells him. The same one who tells Bucky every day that he should’ve died on that train. Then he wouldn’t be so messed up now. Bucky takes another swig of his beer, hoping that somehow, this time, it works, and that those voices will go away. 

If only things really worked like that.

“Oh I wanna see this. What about that man in the corner?” Bucky asks after scanning the room, trying desperately to change the subject and distract himself. 

“Well, he’s only ordered a few drinks.” She furrows her brows, deep in thought. Bucky finds himself smiling once more. “I say he’s secretly a millionaire, trying to blend in and find some poor, lowly worker to surprise with his fortune. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part.” Y/N laughs awkwardly. “Then I wouldn’t be stuck in this job.” She murmurs. The disappointment and heartbreak in her voice makes Bucky sigh. Sure, he’s only just met Y/N tonight, but she’s been one of the few to actually speak to him for more than a few minutes. It’s part of her job, but after so long of being tortured, having his mind wiped and being unwanted, having a conversation with someone who doesn’t know who he is is a nice change. Someone who treats him like a human being, rather than immediately thinking about what he did for so many years.

It means more to him than she’ll ever know. If he could, he’d give her anything she wants. “Anyway, how about you?”

“Hm?”

“What do you think his story is?”

“Oh! Um, I don’t know. I say he’s looking for something, hoping he’ll find it here. Maybe the love of his life.” Y/N smiles.

“Ahh, so you’re a romantic then?” Y/N winks, and Bucky nods. At least, he used to be. Now, though, after going through everything he has, Bucky has lost hope in his romantic conquests. People like him don’t deserve any love or companionship.

Y/N and Bucky spend the next few hours talking, making up stories about the others in the bar. Surprisingly, both of them are getting along pretty well, and have a lot more in common than expected. That is, however, until: “Can I guess what your story is?” Y/N asks. Bucky’s eyes widen. She cannot know about his past. Y/N studies him, biting her lip slightly as she looks over him. “I think you might be looking for something new, too. Maybe a connection.” She explains after a while. She grins, and Bucky feels his heart rate rising. “But I also think you’re a bit of an enigma, Bucky. For all I know, you could be a spy.” Oh, if only she knew.

“Can I try to guess what your story is?” Bucky asks. Y/N’s face falls, her smile gone. Immediately, Bucky feels guilty. “Shit, sorry. I didn’t mean any-”

“No, no. It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” Y/N shakes her head, waving her hands in dismissal. “Finding out about people is my job. You don’t have to worry about that.” She chuckles. Yet still, Bucky can tell there’s something there. Something she doesn’t want anyone to know about. And he’s just walked right in and brought all those bad feelings to the surface. His guilt increases. He’s ruined everything again, just like he always does. Maybe the voice was right. Maybe he doesn’t deserve a friend like Y/N after all.

Quickly, Bucky gets up, placing some bills on the bar. “Well, I better go. I think it’s time for me to go to bed.”

“Wait, you’re going? You don’t have to Bucky, it’s-“ 

“No, it's fine! Honestly, I’ve taken up enough of your time. Keep the change, alright?” Y/N tries to argue back, to stop him. But Bucky is already at the door to the bar before she can stop him. As his hand reaches out, touching the doorknob, for a moment Bucky stops. And he wonders whether he should stay. He almost turns back, back to Y/N and to his new beginning, his new chance for friendship. But then he remembers everything he’s done, and how he can’t drag Y/N into his messy, bloodstained life.

And so, Bucky opens the door and steps into the cold New York air.

Please follow @onceuponastory-library​ and turn on notifications to be notified when I next post!

[khonshuscondemned]

HELP. rewatching ep 3 and. was reminded of this post . and there was a bit of going off that happened in the tags but they felt unfinished so now we’re diving in all over again.

so the part latched onto (this time) happens before khonshu tells marc to take the kid to the ledge- when Marc wakes up after having stabbed Goon #1 & #2 is already down for the count and turns and sees The Kid (Goon #3) and he . he has his little panicked moment (‘…wh-what..? -oh my god- oh, god- steven, what did you do??’) and steven tells him to sod off it wasn’t him (really, marc- you’re covered in someone else’s blood and you immediately think it’s steven who had anything to do with your little blackout??) - and then The Kid/Goon #3 groans, and he groans loud- too loudly to be ignored and it’s Back To The Grind. Marc puts his Khonshu hat back on , he turns around. His hand is clenched around the knife’s handle. his eyes are narrowed and his brows are drawn- he’s readying for the next fight.

And then he sees it’s The Kid. he sees the kid as a kid. not as Goon #3. suddenly the khonshu hat is almost flung free of his head- you can see it in Marc’s eyes, in the way his movements slow, in the way he recalibrates, the way he reevaluates his options bc . he doesn’t wanna hurt a kid. hell, tbh i don’t think marc wants to hurt anyone , anymore, i think he’s tired of the blood. (u really get a sense of Marc’s hesitation via the gifs in the ref’d post , it’s heartbreaking. but gratitude for gif-makers bc over-analysis of character expressions is a fond pastime while we wait for season 2 rip)

(also uh quick aside: khonshu says this line, something like ‘I know you enjoy the work I have for you’. this .. never sat right. maybe before- … maybe. but this marc spector? he doesn’t seem to enjoy this very much at all. not like, the way I think he enjoys existing with layla, or the way one would enjoy a picnic or catching sight of a wishing star or little things like that . but then again, i don’t think marc spector quite knows how to enjoy little things just yet- im not quite sure he understands that not everything comes with a price, and certainly not true joy. that kind of happiness can come free if you know where to look. ok tangent over)

Back to the scene, it’s about 9 mins in- Marc turns, sees it’s the kid. and he drops the fucking knife.

there have been a few in-depth watches of this scene before bc we had been curious as to the way Marc uses weapons (hint: he fucking doesn’t this man uses his fists and that’s it in this particular scene at least). not sure why we glossed over this bit or why it hits hard(er?) now, but. no wonder jake took over, of course jake would leave the kid alive- he does it for more reasons than we can count but for sure we know he keeps the kid alive cos he knows it would kill Marc to have blood of that sort join the stains in their bathroom sink ya know?

It’s just, ironic that Marc still. ends up with that kids death on his hands . that Marc. cant be trusted sometimes, not with hands Jake Lockley is more accustomed to. tsk. anyways - TLDR marc is tired of the bloodshed, jake has to take over and fill in a lot more now than perhaps ever before (and it’s not going unnoticed anymore) bc of it, and now Steven’s gotten mixed up in the mess and it’s. it’s killing me all over again . bc marc does literally everything he can to like. not hurt this kid. and he still ends up with three dead goons anyways. sigh.

[thedeadthree]

WHAT FORM OF LOVE DO YOU EMBODY?

tagged by @chuckhansen, @dihardys, @jackiesarch​ and @marivenah to take this cutest uquiz for my dears! ty so much! <3

(x)

tagging: @griffin-wood, @blackreaches, @risingsh0t, @florbelles, @leviiackrman, @queennymeria, @aartyom, @adelaidedrubman, @heroofpenamstan, @belorage, @roofgeese, @loriane-elmuerto, @virassan, @yennas, @shadowglens, @saintsilver, @confidentandgood, @pheedraws, @arklay, @celticwoman, @inkrys, @multiverse-of-themind, @swordcoasts, @sunsetseasons, @rosebarsoap and you!

LOVE AS A RELIGION

[ love as the sole object of your reverence--nothing about you is holy, but maybe your love for another is ] when sappho said "in the crooks of your body i find my religion" and when the cast of les mis sang "to love another person is to see the face of God" and when halsey said "i found God, i found him in a lover" and when katherine philips wrote "to the dull angry world let's prove there's a religion in our love"

LOVE AS A HUNGER

[ love as ravenous desire, love as something fragrant and home-built ] when florence welch said "we all have a hunger" and when jenny slate asked "who will come into my kitchen and be hungry for me?" and when violet trefusis wrote "I want you hungrily, frenziedly. passionately. I am starving for you..." and when anne carson asked "what are we made of but hunger and rage?"

LOVE AS VIOLENCE

[ love as bloodshed, crimson as a knife slipped between your ribs ] when ocean vuong said "to arrive at love, then, is to arrive through obliteration" and when franz kafka said "you are the knife i turn inside myself; that is love" and when ada limon said "how do you love? like a fist. like a knife" and when richard siken said "sorry about the blood in your mouth. i wish it was mine"

LOVE AS DEVOTION

[ devotion: love, loyalty, or enthusiasm for a person, activity, or cause ] when ruth said to naomi "where you go, i will go, and where you stay, i will stay. your people will be my people, and your God my God" and when hozier sang "i'll be the dreadful need from the devotee that drove [orpheus] underground" and when deathcab for cutie sang "if there's no one beside you when your soul embarks, i will follow you into the dark"

LOVE AS A CHOICE

[ love is beautiful because it's built deliberately ] when casey mcquinston wrote "that's the choice. i love him, with all that, because of all that, on purpose. i love him on purpose" and when jenny slate tweeted "i just want someone to grab my little face and scream on purpose, on purpose i am going to care about you" and when jodi picoult wrote "after fifteen years, love isn't just a feeling. it's a choice" and when the good place said "if soulmates do exist, they're not found they're made"

LOVE AS TENDERNESS

[ love as gentleness after a lifetime of cruelty ] when ocean vuong said "sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you've been ruined" and when pablo neruda said "like a jar you housed the infinite tenderness and the infinite oblivion shattered you like a jar" and when anais mitchell wrote "all i've ever known is how to hold my own, and now i wanna hold you, too”

[mrsgiovanna]

Between the devil and the deep blue sea (Yakuza!Josuke x Reader x Don Giorno)

If you're looking for cinnamon bun Josuke and cinnamon roll Giorno this is NOT it. The reader is a courtesan in this instance, and the Duwang gang (heh) are actually a branch of the Yakuza. (Just a darker, criminal Jojo AU)

This request took way too long, @rubyninja1 here you go love, I hope this is what you were envisioning.

All characters are aged up as this occurs many years after Giorno becomes Don.

TW: Very OOC, yandere behavior if you squint, yakuza x mafia au, suggestive content.

Word Count: 1.7k

Minors please DNI with this post and block the n/sfw tag

You stared at your reflection in the misty mirror, wiping off the steam in one swipe. You had a very important engagement to get ready for, and for the first time since you entered this business, you were nervous. Ever since Giorno became the Don of Passione, the drug trade came to a grinding halt. The rules were adapted to suit his ideals and keep Italy’s youth safe from drugs. But there remained one problem- the activities of the former execution squad… at the best of times, the income brought in was meagre, not really being enough to support all of the assassins, and with the new regime, even those jobs had all but dried up. You had to get creative to generate a livable income, and after many conversations and playing to the Don’s affections for you, you were able to persuade him to allow you and an elite group of escorts to run your business while still being under the protection of Passione.

Under normal circumstances, Giorno would not have allowed you to do something like this, but you had asked him to give you just one month to prove that you would be able to protect yourself while doing the line of work you had proposed, him hoping silently that you would grow tired of that life in favor of a more mundane activity, however, in that short amount of time, not only had you established your business, but you had become the most requested companion, which meant you could accept and deny requests at will- suddenly money was no longer your motivation. It was an intoxicating feeling… being that desired, it was altogether euphoric watching them crumble at your sweet rejections. It was fair game for any man, deciding your rules according to your latest whims, although, one man was above all of those games, being in a superior league all on his own. There was no waiting, or appraising when your presence was requested by Don Giovanna. Most times he would request for you to entertain his associates, close to him so he could keep an eye on you- one of many guardians that you had collected over the years.

Moving into your adjoining room you put on the beautiful silken embroidered outfit and hair ornaments sent to you by Giorno- tonight was a special night as the Don wasn’t just hosting any old Mafiosi, these guests were his esteemed associates from Japan. Over and above the usual treatment doled out to those who met with the don, this visit was more important than most. The head of the visiting group was a relative of Giorno’s, so there was no room for error. You wondered about his convoluted bloodline, hearing murmurs about his origins, but nothing was ever confirmed or denied other than the fact that his mother is Japanese, and nobody dared to push further for answers, not that it mattered in any case, by this time, Giorno had rearranged the entire structure of Passione, and for all intents and purposes it worked, sustainably generating copious amounts of money with minimal bloodshed.

Right, mascara and I’ll be done you mused as you applied the finishing touches to your makeup. No sooner had you finished primping your lashes did you hear a knock on your door.

“It’s open…” you called out from the seat in front of your mirror.

“(y/n), they’re ready with the car downstairs, whenever you’re ready to go…”

“Thank you Ris…” the words left your carefully painted lips, barely acknowledged by your capo when he turned to leave. Well, referring to him as Capo was now redundant seeing that you were an entity in your own right, but old habits die hard, and you still respected him in the same way. He always worried before you set out on these types of missions, remembering a time when you used to be sent out on missions by him. Nonetheless, those days were over now, and you had a new role to fulfil.

There was nobody downstairs when you left, so you exited quietly and steeled your mind on the drive to the private cigar lounge.

“Fugo, I’ll be in my study, please alert me when Higashikata and his associates are here. Also confirm with Risotto if (y/n) is on board for this evening,”

“Of course Giogio, excuse me, I’ll also follow up with Mista on the status of the Capos he’s in charge of- I’ll have feedback for you in an hour,” with a small nod of acknowledgement Fugo took his leave and Giorno went back to examining the documents sent to him beforehand about the strange occurrences in Morioh, Washington, and now Naples. This was the start of something ominous, having a nagging feeling that this wasn’t the last time he would have to meet Josuke. It’s highly unusual for organisations like Passione and the Gokudo to interact in this manner, but this situation was exceptional, and when Jotaro had made contact with Giorno explaining the situation, he couldn’t turn a blind eye, and as such, Josuke was sent in his stead to meet with the young Don.

“Giogio, we should leave now if we want to get there before Higashikata’s group, Mista will meet us there,” with that, the Don and his consigliere had left to receive their guests.

Scents of old leather, expensive tobacco, and even more expensive cologne filled the air when you sauntered in. A handsome man with a pompadour, donning a designer suit, shirt opened a few buttons too low displaying the elaborate patterns adorning his chest offered you a wicked grin from across the room. Just next to him, another ruggedly good looking man with scars across his face nursed a drink while emphatically making conversation with a white haired young man who had a beautiful raven-haired woman draped over him.

“Ah, (y/n), there you are, come on, take this to Don Giovanna and Mr Higashikata,” Maria the head hostess, pushed a bottle of cognac into your hands, the Mafiosi already having gone through a couple of rounds before your arrival.

You approached the rowdy table, offering apologies for the delay, nestling yourself between Giorno and Josuke with a flirtatious giggle.

“Well dollface, it seems good things come to those who wait, so I’ll overlook it… this time,” You were surprised with the fluency at which Josuke spoke Italian- perfect Neapolitan dialect.

“Your Italian is impeccable Higashikata-sama,” you commented, remembering the honorifics you read about. Josuke looked impressed, cocking an eyebrow, taking a sip of the expensive liquor that remained in his glass, readying himself for you to pour him another drink. Watching the exchange, Giorno downed the rest of his drink as well, and took care of the formal introductions, not that it mattered in any case. You were being pulled in all to quickly by the magnetism exuded by the young man, being lulled by the dulcet tones of his voice. I guess this runs in the family you thought to yourself, recalling your first encounter with the don. Giorno continued his conversations with the rest of Josuke’s associates, discussing the occurrences that had brought them all the way to Naples, but kept one eye on you at all times. He wasn’t sure if it was Josuke’s brazen attitude, or your fawning, but the entire situation had annoyed him, which didn’t make sense even to him seeing that you were acting on his instruction… although by this point, you weren’t really acting.

“So Higash…”

“Please, call me Josuke,”

“Okay, Josuke, those are some interesting tattoos you have…” you say, delicately tracing the patterns on his chest with a manicured finger.

“Wanna see the rest of it?” not really waiting for an answer, Josuke unbuttons the rest of his shirt to show you the elaborate design on his back, a large stunning dragon sprawled menacingly across the taut skin, stopping just shy of star-shaped marking on his shoulder.

“Hey, that looks like the same mark on the don’s shoulder…” the young man pulled his shirt and coat back on and eyed Giorno knowingly, to which the don wordlessly replied with a smirk as he raised his glass. Giorno wasn’t always that condescending, but he had the urge to make it known that hewas the one who had been acquainted with you first. Not that any of that had bothered Josuke, he wasn’t one to fall for minor acts of derision when he had set his sights on something he wanted, and right now, that was you. Missing that entire interaction as you refreshed everyone else’s drinks, you returned to the table, however Josuke wanted to take your conversation to another location, somewhere quieter.

You lead him to one of the private meeting rooms, slowly sliding the door shut. Turning around to face him, you noticed the look on Josuke’s face changed, eyes darker, expression demanding your attention, which you were unable to avert regardless of your efforts. This feeling was exhilarating to you, for so long you had mostly been in charge of your encounters, only ever yielding control to Giorno when you were with him.

“Y’know, your don was doing his best to make it known that he’d been here first… I don’t much care for the conquest or doing things first, all that matters is doing it right…” inching closer towards you, a pair of strong arms placed you on the table, hungry lips captured your own, your hands attempting to go into his hair when you were gently reprimanded. As much as this was a job for you, evidence of your excitement pooled in your lingerie and left your lips in muted moans as deft hands and lips skillfully worshipped your body, bringing you to the precipice of ecstasy so many times before allowing you to fall in.

“Good girl… look at you, barely able to think…” Josuke spoke into your shoulder, resting his head there while he waited for you ride out your climax.

Outside your little slice of heaven, your absence was obvious, Giorno having concluded his business, had started to take his leave, not before catching a glimpse of your slightly disheveled form exiting the room. You didn’t see him watching you with a scowl, already having set in motion a plan for your future in both his life and the organization… for now the moment though it seemed ignorance truly was bliss.

[amlovelies]

thank you for tagging me to take this quiz with my ocs @wayhavenots

Cynthia got Love as hunger

[ love as ravenous desire, love as something fragrant and home-built ] when florence welch said "we all have a hunger" and when jenny slate asked "who will come into my kitchen and be hungry for me?" and when violet trefusis wrote "I want you hungrily, frenziedly. passionately. I am starving for you..." and when anne carson asked "what are we made of but hunger and rage?"

Kyra got love as violence

[ love as bloodshed, crimson as a knife slipped between your ribs ] when ocean vuong said "to arrive at love, then, is to arrive through obliteration" and when franz kafka said "you are the knife i turn inside myself; that is love" and when ada limon said "how do you love? like a fist. like a knife" and when richard siken said "sorry about the blood in your mouth. i wish it was mine

Emma got love as tenderness

[ love as gentleness after a lifetime of cruelty ] when ocean vuong said "sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you've been ruined" and when pablo neruda said "like a jar you housed the infinite tenderness and the infinite oblivion shattered you like a jar" and when anais mitchell wrote "all i've ever known is how to hold my own, and now i wanna hold you, too”

curtis got love as light

[ love as a luminous force—warm, radiant, and golden ] when mary oliver wrote "light of the world hold me” and when charles bukowski said “I look at her and light goes all through me” and when david viscott said “to love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides”and when e. e. cummings said “lovers alone wear sunlight

I’m not going to tag anyone since i’m going this so late, but if it looks fun please consider yourself tagged and let me see your results!

[thecourierbabe]

Thank you so much for the tag @serenpedac 💖🥰 filled out this quiz for the main blorbos 💖

Harper Greene (TWC): love as tenderness- [love as gentleness after a lifetime of cruelty] when ocean vuong said "sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you've been ruined" and when pablo neruda said "like a jar you housed the infinite tenderness and the infinite oblivion shattered you like a jar" and when anais mitchell wrote "all i've ever known is how to hold my own, and now i wanna hold you, too"

Bree Kingston (TWC): love as hunger- [love as ravenous desire, love as something fragrant and home built] when florence welch said "we all have a hunger" and when jenny slate asked "who will come into my kitchen and be hungry for me?" and when violet trefusis wrote "I want you hungrily, frenziedly. passionately. I am starving for you..." and when anne carson asked "what are we made of but hunger and rage?"

Ripley Abrams (Larkin/FNV): Love as violence - [love as bloodshed, crimson as a knife slipped between your ribs] when ocean vuong said "to arrive at love, then, is to arrive through obliteration" and when franz kafka said "you are the knife i turn inside myself; that is love" and when ada limon said "how do you love? like a fist. like a knife" and when richard siken said "sorry about the blood in your mouth. i wish it was mine"

Lyari Lavellan (DAI): love as religion [I love as the sole object of your reverence--nothing about you is holy, but maybe your love for another is] when sappho said "in the crooks of your body i find my religion" and when the cast of les mis sang "to love another person is to see the face of God" and when halsey said "i found God, i found him in a lover" and when katherine philips wrote "to the dull angry world let's prove there's a religion in our love"

Tagging @del-shmoops, @boom-crunch3r, @tevinterdays, and anyone else who wants to do it!

[cold-red-venom]

I have an idea. What if....

At the end of Lucio's route(upright), he and the Apprentice go to visit Morga and find the village/camp, whatever you wanna call it, where the clan lived is destroyed.

Half of it burnt down, scorched bodies here and there, both of the clan and the attackers.

Lucio is a bit confused, both of you are. As you walk through the ruins of the place, looking for any signs of life or clues as to what happened, you find the end of Morga's spear on the ground. You bring it to Lucio and he is devastated, and confused. How could this have happened, his mother killed? Not possible. She wouldn't let them get close, but they did. And who was 'they'?

You both look around some more and find a charm/badge of some sort, made of gold and silver. Lucio says he recognizes it as the emblem of a neighboring kingdom to Vesuvia. You both figure that they must be the ones who did this. He is angry and determined to, not necessarily get revenge, but at least make them pay.

You head back to Vesuvia and go straight to the palace to speak with Nadia. You explain what you found and show her the bagde and all that.

After some discussion, she asks how you know that not all the clan was killed or something like that. Lucio explains that the clan is pretty large and there weren't nearly enough bodies there for then all to be dead, and besides half of the ones that were there were enemy soldiers.

Some time goes by, not a lot though, and after much more talking planning, and several confrontations to the other kingdom, you have found that they have taken the remaining clan members captive, including a very much alive, very pissed off, Morga.

Lucio, now a general/commander of Vesuvia, leading the largest, strongest battalion they have, is, of course relieved to know his mother is still alive, but even angrier that she and the rest of the clan are being held captive, and for what?

A short time later a war has been declared. As the battle field is raging with chaos and bloodshed, Lucio is at some sort of base, discussing attack strategies and plans and shit like that, at least he's supposed to be. he's not really paying attention. You, Nadia, Asra, and Julian are there too, all for various and not so various reasons.

You all leave the tent you are in and look out onto the battlefield, things are getting worse, and Vesuvia is losing. Lucio is shaking with anger by now. You got to check on him but take a step back when you see his eyes are red again, exactly like they were when he was all ghosty, and he seems to know this. But before you can say anything the ground starts to move and shake, and.... Skitter?

All of the sudden thousands, no millions of red plague Beatles Burst out of the ground, all across the battlefield, devouring everything and everyone in their path, except for you, Lucio and the others. Lucio pays no mind to this and starts marching angrily thought the battlefield, sword in hand, toward the enemy king's base or whatever.

You and the others watch in horror and wonder as the sea of red parts to make a path for Lucio. Every enemy soldier that's gets within ten feet of Lucio, turns pale and and sick then drops to the ground, dead.

You start to follow, ignoring the others' protests. And just as they did for Lucio, the beatles make a path for you.

Once you both get to the opposing teams side you watch as Lucio storms in the makeshift building and all but screams the king's name, the king stands with his sword and laughs, taunting Lucio. You look around see people, who you assume are members of the clan when you see Morga too, in chains and cages.

The king charges ready to fight, but stops abruptly when his chest comes in contact with Lucio outstretched gauntlet, wich has red flowing through the seams in place of it's usual glowing white. The king stands there shocked as he struggles to breathe, going pale just the same as the soldiers on the field. And just after his eyes turn red they roll to the back of his head and he collapses, dead, just like the others.

Then, you watch a handfuls of red beatles eat away the the chains and cage locks. And just as quickly as they appeared, they're gone. Even the red in Lucio's eyes and arm is gone. He turn wildly, you assume looking for his mother, then stops when he sees you. He rushes over and starts fretting over you like a mother hen. are you crazy? Following him out onto the battlefield like that. What if you had gotten hurt? Or worse, you could have been killed!

You assure him you're fine, but your expression says otherwise. "Did you do all that?" You asked hesitantly, referring to the beatles. He looks down at his gauntlet, and shrugs "I guess.. but nevermind that right now, I have to find-" he stops when you point behind him, toward Morga. He turns to see her walking towards you both.....

.....And I got lazy, but yeah that was just a small idea that popped into my head. I might turn it into a full, more detailed story later but I can't promise that. So feel free to do that if you want just credit me, and tag me so I can read it.

Inspired by this song.

[hetaestoniahq]

Haha alright, if you're up to another one maybe PolEst again with "You stayed?" or, if you want to write another ship instead, maybe EstLiet for the same prompt c:

OOoooo we need more PolEst/EstPol in the world sooooooo-

Prompt from this list, open to ask!

What really interests me about this ship is just the whole religious divide of it, I just began reading a book about Estonian mythology and even there was stated that Catholicism was never able to shake the paganism. I haven't found any info about the Polish-Lithuania era trying to do anything different to more try and get Estonians to truly become converted, so it's a interesting dynamic to explore sure that Poland and Lithuania wouldn't have maybe been as rough on him as the Teutonic Order and Livonia were.

______Tw implied religious trauma______

It was the nightless eve of Midsummer, when Dawn and Dusk get to touch without the seperation of the nightly sky.

War had been over for a few years already, but the wounds still ached, the concequences were still going to affect him for a long time.

Estonia was on his own right by a slowly dying bonfire, he had managed to convince Latvia - but also Lithuania, to spend a bit of time together on Midsummer eve. How did he manage to get Lithuania of all people who is meant to be a ruler of his to join in? Simple, he's become familiar with the brunette's personality, and a bit of reminding of the pagan days and just 'Harmless fun, besides someone should probably keep an eye on us don't you think?' managed to get the Lithuanian to hear him out and join him.

Although, at one point Poland did find them, but thankfully he was able to get Lithuania to convince the Pole they're just having a nice bonfire night. Also tell the Pole to just leave them be. Is he using and taking advantage of how easy it's to persuade Lithuania? Maybe a little, and he does feel a bit guilty about it, but he really didn't want the eve to get ruined by that heavily Catholic blonde that doesn’t seem to shut up.

After that he, Lithuania and Latvia all got to talk, almost like equals, which was still a new experience for Estonia, something he had only gotten to get a little bit from Sweden, but still not much. Soon enough though Latvia became tired, and so it was decided to go in for the night, but Estonia had requested to get to have time for himself, and miraculously, Lithuania seemed to trust him to not cause trouble.

Would recommend not to put so much faith in me like that, Leedu. He couldn't help but think to himself, but he was still absolutely going to cherish the time alone. He's gonna use this to be able to relax even a bit for a little before Livonia is gonna come over to punish him for it, like they always do.

Ugh, even when dissolved they still have power over me and Latvia, why can't Poland and Lithuania stop them? He can't believe he's the underling of an underling, how many times lower can that end up going? At least with Sweden he gets a break from Livonia, but he also feels a bit guilty about it because it means leaving Latvia alone with them. Lithuania did intervene when a fight had started between him and Livonia, but will he stop Livonia from punishing or humiliating Latvia when Estonia isn’t there? He doesn't want to have doubts, but he has. Why does life have to be so difficult?

"So like, how long are you gonna be all alone here in silence?" Estonia immediately sprung up from his seated position, turning around and quickly grabbing a nearby stick ready to have fire added to it if needed.

"WoaH woah calm down I'm not here to stab you or anything!" The Pole subtly rose his hands up to indicate he is not armed, Estonia still remained tense, even if he knows by now the Pole likely wouldn't at least, hasn't yet, raise a hand on him, it didn't mean he trusts him.

"What are you doing here?" Estonia suspected the Pole was maybe coming to call him back to the house.

"Well, I was waiting for this bonfire night to get finished up or something." Poland responded as he calmly approached, looking over at the fire that was set up safely to not cause any wildfires.

"You stayed?" Estonia asked rather surprised, raising a brow as he only then properly threw the stick into the fire. Did he really just wait around here somewhere or did he come back only now? He's gonna guess the latter, choosing to come after Estonia didn't go in with the two Balts.

"Well of course I did, I wanted in on this too!"

You? In on this?? Estonia didn't want to believe it. Before he understood if he wanted to tag along with the rest of the group but now it was just Estonia, why would he want to be here alone with him?

"So, tell me about what this whole thing is about." The Pole plopped down next to him, too close, making Estonia shift away to have distance. He wants to hear about his pagan traditions? Clearly the Pole hadn't fallen for the idea that it's just some bonfire night.

It has to be a trick! He is trying to find the roots to pull out. He was distrustful, many before Poland have tried to pull him away from the beliefs close to his heart, make him bow down to their one single mighty god, who in his perceptive, seems like quite the selfish and self-centred god at that, having people do their dirty work. Calling sin upon those who commit bloodshed but not punishing the ones who do it to spread the belief of him. Punish those innocents who simply don't want to put their faith in him.

I'd rather die than bow to a tyrant god like that. Estonia thought coldly, he swore he could feel the scar that runs from his shoulder to his chest, dangerously close to the heart, scorch with brief pain. It's been centuries but it feels like he can still feel the sword that had cut into it. All because some religious folk couldn't accept a no.

"Why would you want to know?" Estonia spoke with a bit of sharpness in his tone, he wanted Poland to be aware that he isn't going to fall for any of his attempts to get him to turn over.

"To know you better?" Poland simply said, giving a small shrug.

Lies, why would you wanna know anything about your peasant? Estonia kept being in denial. Even so, Estonia sees himself as stubborn, no matter what Poland may try he is not going to move over to actually liking their Catholic religion, so he chose to just tell him.

"Well, for starters, every Midsummer Eve people gather around to light a bonfire and spend time together..."

Poland would proceed to actually be quiet and listen for the rest of the night, only occasionally asking a few questions.

|| Alrighty I hope this good -TwT ||

[malibumiu]

“Running doesn’t matter. I’ll hunt you down if I have to.”

aka Naejunko angst (?) idk this came from yandere prompt list so yea (Warning: Violence, guns) 

enjoy!

“I have to keep running… I have to keep running… get up Makoto come on..” It's the mantra that he had to keep telling himself, he was close! Getting so close! To where? He wasn’t sure! But he knew he had to be close, somewhere! Anywhere! From that god forsaken base! He needed to find the others, surely they would be looking for him! That would mean they should be around the area surely with his luck the others would be able to find him or if his luck was being extra nice maybe he’d find them first! 

Though a pain throb quick made him hiss in pain, staggering slightly as he took shelter in a half decrepit hotel lobby. Furniture was both turned and unturned glass and debris everywhere, the light from the maroon sky making it look more eerie than it should be. He quickly ducked down behind the receptionist desk, trying to make himself as small as he could manage, he would have gotten under completely but that would be rather hard when you have two arrows in your back. His entire body felt sore and tired, his wounds from his “executions” not having properly healed yet, he was sure a few of them had tore themselves open again already, he just prayed that there wasn’t a blood trail.

“Calm down Makoto..calm down..” he closed his eyes trying to steady his heart beat and control the trembling throughout his body, “Calm down,” another breath, “She probably has forgotten about you by now. Yeah that's it..” another, “ S-She found a new toy to play with, she has gotten over you..just focus on get out alive-”

Static crackles from above him catching his attention, with minimal pain he shot out from under the desk and found a CB radio, perfect! He quickly clamored up the mic and began fiddling with the dial Maybe it was a call for help?! Or Kyoko, or Byakuya- 

“Makotoooo baby~ you're heaven sent you know so why are you SO hellbent on being such a bad boy to me~?”

Makoto dropped the mic slowly backing away from the radio..No...she- she couldn’t have! He already pulled the tracker arrow out from his thigh! How could she-?!

The radio let out static crackle, her voice felt closer; it was like he could still feel her on him, her breath, her perfume, her nails, just her. 

“Makaroco babybabybaby~! You know I like a bad boy I do! With their cigarette smoke, motorcycles, bad attitude and all, so cooooool right!? But they also reek of insecurities, blood and cowardice. But you aren’t them baby, no.. you're my sweet little darling my little macarena~. OH! You're just so sugary sweet you probably gave me diabetes! That being said..” His mind felt like it was on autopilot at this point, he didn’t even realize that he had got up and started running again, until he landed on the ground with a thud and looked around, finding glass around him, ah he must have jumped out of a window. At least escaped- 

“AS I WAS SAYING-“ With a screech of the sound system outside her voice came over again, “That being said Makoto, you have a weakness.. a big weakness baby and it's that you care entirely too much for people.” 

He began to run, he didn’t care, he ignored the pain in his back and throbbing pain all over his body, he didn’t care he just needed to run, he needed to stop hearing her.

“Your- no.. OUR friends after all the shit they put you through you still cared for them, in the last trial you got them out of despair, they didn’t deserve it. Earlier you told them to direct all their anger toward me! The mastermind and in the end you couldn’t bring yourself to even fully hate me, you wanted to help me. How could I say no you babe?” “Babe?” he spat, letting out a dark chuckle, he could feel himself slowing down his limp “Yeah sure.”

“You know Makoto there's a lot I’d do for you, you know? It's SO weird honestly I can hardly believe it myself, a lot of things bore me but not you. You somehow keep my mind entertained, you keep me guessing, predicting! Even when we were in school and dating! But one thing was obvious, you were quite the popular guy herbivore. Those bitches would flock all over you! Both the main and reserve course, they were like leeches, those whores...trying to suck all the kindness out of you, probably hoping you’d knock them up with a kid and tie you down, I- i couldn’t have that we were dating after all! I tried to tell to back the fuck off; the main course girls grew their brains and did until valentines time day that is.. anyway those reserve skanks didn’t listen… so let’s just say.. I thought them a lesson? Oh makoto you should have been there. It was delightfully gross! Blood everywhere! Some remainders of guts Oh-! and one bitch even pissed herself it was fucking hilarious Mako!!”

Makoto could only lean against the wall in horror as the fashionista let out howls of laughter, meanwhile he felt even more guilt swelled in his heart. First his classmates and now some girls he doesn’t even know or remember were dead because of him?! 

“That little incident cost me a good outfit and shoes but it was allllll worth it for you baby~. I couldn’t have you taken from me, your mine. MINE. I did soooo much for you Makoto! I marked you, loved you hell I even Killed for you! I was even such a loving girlfriend that I brought you to my base where I treated your injuries, gave you good meals, shelter and new friends! And you still leave me! How could you be so cruel Makoto Naegi?! HOW COULD YOU?!”

Said boy cringed at her cries, he couldn’t truly tell if they were actual tears or crocodile tears but even so it made him want to go and comfort her, hold her close and tell her everything was fine, no Junko- Murukro would probably still love you even after all you did-

“But no matter, I still forgive you. You’re just running because you want to be a cheeky little shit dontcha? You wanna play games huh? That’s ok babe, I like this game cat and mouse, prey vs predator, hide and seek? Tag even, games like these are rather fun especially when the mouse is a cute lil boy like you Makoto~ Oh~! I am ready to pounce ya! Rawr :3!”

It was at this point that Makoto felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, he looked around, there was no one around except for those of the dead and from what remained of the taller buildings he could see no one so... why did he feel like he was suddenly being watched? Before he knew it he started running again.

“But you should have already known Babe, running away is pointless because in the end Makoto Naegi I’ll always find you.”

Junko smiled as she clicked off the microphone for a moment to line up her shot. She looked in the scope again to make sure that he was there and he was probably because of the limp in his run, that fall in the pit and the swords did a multitude on him. And though it hurt her poor maiden heart to see him like this, it definitely made it easier for her. Normally this would be Izuru’s job but this time however he was waiting a block away with the car to scoop him up before he bled out to death. She checked the barrel of the sniper rifle once more, the upgrades Izuru did the bullets should disable him for a while. She looked back into the scope, lining up the shot once more, laying her finger gently on the trigger while her other hand reached for the mic. She held it close, her eye watching him like a hawk as she watched his sad effort of a run.

“But please remember that I’m doing this because I love you Makoto.”

She pulled the trigger without hesitation and watched as he fell to the ground, wriggling around on the ground in pain as he cradled his knee in agony. Then the strangest thing happened: he stopped, and he...started to crawl?! What the hell?! Why wasn’t staying put like a good boy?! Nononono this wouldn’t do! She knew he was rather stubborn and (she said so herself) unpredictable but now was not the time for that!

She looked back into the scope to line up and take the shot again. Taking the second shot wasn’t hard, especially since he wasn’t as much of a moving target as the first time. She made to pop his other knee or maybe it was his thigh? She wasn’t too sure but she did know it didn’t hit a non vital area so he should be good and he looked to be down for the count finally.

“Kamukuraaaaaaa~” she sung into walkie talkie that was attach to her coat, “Be a dear and go the little rascal will ya~? Mama can’t have her big catch lying on the street once you get him, be sure to come back around and get me too Kk? Gooooood!”

Clicking off she sighed and began to pack up, she knew Makoto would be fine after all she did make sure not him in non-vitals areas but with these new injuries on top of his probably already reopened previous wounds. He would probably be bedridden for a bit, but that would be fine by her, it would only insure that he’s incapable of leaving-leaving her. He didn’t need his friends, his friends clearly had no trouble discarding him in the 5th trial, so why would they need him now? She needed him, not his hope or anything, just him. His optimism, kindness, comfort, warmth and love that's all she wanted. She would be damned if she let anyone take him from her.  Didn’t they know? Junko Enoshima always got what she wants no matter the cost. Even if it required bloodshed.

[darkelite020]

Bad batch thoughts & predictions ep 3

I wanna start having written reactions somewhere and predictions cause itd be fun I think to see what actually ends up happening and remembering what I thought at the time so im dumping it here, youre welcome. (Feel free to discuss if you want) if you want to keep up with it im gonna be tagging these as #jay rambles about bb

- wrecker wanting omegas food but not taking it because of what hunter said and then wrecker tries to adapt to consider shes a kid more throughout the whole ep is so cute but also its interesting cause we know the clones werent raised gently like that so its wholesome that theyre trying their best. - the scanner tech is making for the inhibitor chips is so important. They didnt talk about it a lot but YO HEAR ME OUT: so wrecker clonked his head when they crashed which they showed on screen but its 100% a cover up for this whole thing thats gonna go down. I feel like because wrecker talked about his head hurting a lot its more than just a simple thing- yes getting hit in the head hurts but my man was shot by crosshair and he complained about that less as far as we know and its a huge coincidence that they are making the inhibitor chip scanner at the same time. What if him hitting his head messed with his inhibitor chip and later they are gonna use the scanner and figure that out- maybe wrecker starts getting tempted to do bad things like crosshair. Cause in clone wars when the clones also got their chips messed with a lot of them would like rub there head or hold their head like it hurt also.

- The whole argument that random people are better to fight with than the clones is... so dumb to me??? I love the clones so bias maybe but it is not smart imo. The whole "oh but they will want to fight" thing is better than the clones made to do it?? Like, yeah, morally thats a good thing, maybe dont have clones as like literal fucking slaves for your war, but lots of clones liked it aside from the fighting itself? Like nobody likes the bloodshed but that goes for normal people too, but think of clones like hardcase who 'was just doing things to have fun' and even 99 who *wanted* to be a soldier so badly and wanted to have a moment where he could prove like his usefulness as a soldier and stuff. I get the clones are expensive but they are just vastly better. Yes the clones can train people which is their plan but like people will always be less loyal than the clones and hnnggg

- crosshair you fuckin bimbo didnt talk about how the soldiers wanted to not go with their orders like legit if crosshair said "They didn't want to do the mission" SO MUCH wouldve been different and thats wild because we all know theyd take crosshairs word on it since crosshair proved himself already and is loyal to them so if crosshair said 'actually it went bad at first' like bro

- omega has an ability and still have no idea what it is but its gonna be crazy when we figure it out cause im sure its something theyve been slipping a little into each episode and when we figure it out we're all gonna sit here like "wow we are fucking blind"

- Echo with a flashlight makes me realize something and now I worry for that boi ;-; : my mans has only one hand (which yes we knew) but I was so concerned when he was looking for the dragon holding the flashlight cause like bitch if that thing attacked him he literally cant shoot it and im sure he still has moments maybe where he tries to use his other hand like out of reflex for things and ;-;

- - I mean technically hes been like that for a while now but he was like brainwashed for a lot of it and while probably not im still worried they are gonna have that come into play somehow

- very proud of omega for taking the mission into her own hands pop off sis

- - but also she literally called for help before they went and none of them came to help like bruh wtf what were you all doing like if shes using HUNTERS COMMS youd figure 'oh fuck hunter and omega are in trouble' like yes you got to fix the ship or something but hello??? save them first???

- crosshair looking at the tally on the wall HURTS ME THANKS DAVE

- wrecker making omegas room is the cutest shit and he even gave her lula BUT THATS GONNA HURT SO MUCH WORSE WHEN HE GOES BAD AND OH MY GOD

- bad batch more like sad batch

- kind of about the other two episodes a little but: legit worried for the end of the show because they already showed 66 and that was like the big ending for clone wars and that hurt a fuck ton, and they STARTED the show with that, so like.... what the fuck is the sad thing theyre gonna rip our hearts out with at the end? I think 66 was definitely an interesting way to start because we get a better look at what went down afterwards and also that way its not super repetitive with tcw but like... yeah idk where or when its gonna end and we all know they are gonna do some shit like that again when the show is over so im excited but also deeply concerned.