#combined with the identity issues from it and its more Replacing Someone. that bothers me. not just people being annoying about it lmao

[thedeafprophet]

i understand and respect other folk who find power in stories with inhuman body modification/transformation and find it empowering, but oof can it be a major squick for me

[corsairesix]

How would you change Fallout 4?

Okay so this is a long one so it’s under the cut

As I’ve mentioned before, I would make the main plot focus on synths as a metaphor for McCarthyism (and to a lesser extent transness). This is assuming a magical world where I have full creative control over a main game in a major franchise. The main character would either be a wastelander (with optional traits to be an escaped synth, mind-wiped or not) OR if we’re going with the Sole Survivor then it would confirm the Sole is a synth theory; if the game’s going to make roleplay decisions for me, at least let them be thematically satisfying and cool.

The four faction companions would all be synths (Sturges, Danse, X6, and Glory) and would all represent a different take on synths in society. Danse would be basically the same, synth who doesn’t know it, self-hating, forced to change through self-acceptance or die in Blind Betrayal. The main change would be significantly changed behavior after BB and a chance to join the Minutemen or Railroad. Glory would be a synth who knows she’s a synth, and is very concerned with synth welfare and autonomy. X6 is a synth who has been mind wiped several times by the Institute due to his increased contact with the outside world. As he travels with the main character, there are decision points where X6 raises concerns about “glitches” (developing a personality as he gains experiences) and the player can decide whether to wipe his mind again or continue to travel with him. Before max affinity, he will ask for your help escaping the institute once again, you can complete his quest or you can turn him over to be mind wiped. Sturges is a synth with a Railroad identity, but who has traumatic memories resurfacing after the attack on Quincy. He is stuck between the true, harmful memories of the Institute or the false, comforting memories of his invented life.

In general the synth’s exploitation by the institute veers away from the slavery metaphor that’s in the game. Robots address labor issues very well and the slavery thing was weird and bad, so we’re moving away from that.

Mind wipes are much more controversial, much more like how they’re portrayed in Far Harbor. Characters like Glory who are mostly opposed to them see them as destruction of identity, not quite murder, but something that should only be done in dire circumstances. Those who are for it, Desdemona and Deacon, see it as a tool for helping synths hide and covering up painful memories (imperfect, as Sturges shows), and that there is an ineffable self that persists between wipes. It’s a source of tension even within the Railroad.

The Institute doesn’t have synth spies, but it does have human spies. The idea that the institute would 1) put synths in charge of major cities while still claiming they aren’t sentient and 2) put their constantly-escaping labor force on the surface with minimal supervision always bothered me. Institute agents foment anti-synth movements on the surface and sabotage synth sympathetic communities.

However, synth paranoia still totally exists. The combination of institute interference and the presence of freed synths, the public is terrified that their friends could be replaced by synths. In reality, the “confirmed” replacements were freed synths who either died (and evidence of them being a synth was found on death) or felt that it was safe to admit to others that they were a synth. No body snatching actually ever existed.

McDonough is a regular wasteland human, a corrupt Boston politician. He made his political career on anti-ghoul fearmongering, but after kicking the ghouls out of Diamond City he needed a new target. He is not associated with the institute, but since he began targeting synths he has received monthly campaign donations. He started the synth activities committee to investigate suspected synth sympathies among the citizens of Diamond City and its surrounding neighborhoods.

That’s the main plot stuff but for companions the main changes are:

Preston is a faction leader, not a companion. He’s very involved and has the same character arc, but the quests he gives are less radiant and more focused, with a plot moving forward.

Hancock is not a companion either, and is less of a good guy than in the game. Goodneighbor’s government serves as a condemnation of the founding father’s idea of freedom and that kind of American libertarianism. (Really, he’s an anarchist but also immortal mayor-for-life?)

Piper is a blacklisted journalist and the most vocal critic of McDonough’s anti-synth policies. She’s somewhere between an Edward R Murrow-esque anti-McCarthyist and an underground journalist. She’s a little more self-admittedly editorial and is openly for using journalism to change hearts and minds. She’s also a better writer than in the actual game.

Curie is a Mister Handy instead of a Miss Nanny because I find the concept of a girl Mister Handy that does the housework (especially when that’s already what Mister Handys do?) a bit silly. She voices more of a desire to be human and have control over her own body, rather than just “I want to do zee science better.” She even admires the player character if she is a woman. You can go the regular in-game route (with strong objections and disapproval from Glory, who doesn’t like to see someone she was close to inhabited by someone else) or you can use the institute to print a synth body for Curie. This route can be done under the guise of an “experiment” if you are part of the Institute (although some scientists may question the scientific value of such a plan) or you can get Liam Binet’s help if you’ve made contact with him as a spy for the Railroad. If you print Curie a body, it will be created based on her self-perception, and will look different from her body if you use the wiped synth route.

Ada and Codsworth can have a synth body printed as well, to Ada’s ambivalence and Codsworth’s objections. This can only be done if you are allied with the institute; Binet won’t help if your companion doesn’t seem to want to be a synth. There is no benefit to doing this.

Nick Valentine was a private detective pre-war, not a cop. After the Eddie Winter quest, which skips the collect-a-thon part, Nick wants to solve a case that is all his own, an unsolved wasteland murder that was the first case he had walk away from.

[borisbubbles]

17. CZECH REPUBLIC

Benny Christo - “Kemama”

So first off, thank you for the nice commens. 😇The past few months haven’t been the happiest time for me, so thank you for your patience as I scraped my bearings together for another post! 😁

So I will now extend that same sympathy to Benny Christo, whom I think I damn fucking underrated. Let’s jump in~

ENTRY ANALYSIS

As one may expect i INSTANTLY liked “Kemama” because you know, it’s a fun, laid-back, tropical afro-breeze, completely different from anything else we would see in NFs and the year. EXACTLY the type of song I was hoping the Czech NF would deliver (and deliver they did, see NF Corner). This level of mild like swung into strong unironic like upon realizing that the title is a contraction of “Okay Mother” 😍 and the song deals with the subject of overcoming racially-tinged discrimination and rising above the hate. That just feels very poetic and apt? “Kemama” felt like the entry that had to overcome the highest odds in order to earn the respect it so fully deserves, and still hasn’t fully reached it.

.In our Western European bubble, comprised mostly of gays and left-liberal straights, we have a very grateful and universal acceptance of many different kinds of [lizard] people that make up Eurovision casts. Yet with “Kemama” we may have reached  an unusually grimy undercurrent of coded racism. 

Of course nothing I read was outrageously rancid, than Cod for that. The worst statement I read was a double-whammy of “EWW THIS ISN’T CARIBBEANVISION” and “WHY WOULD SOMEONE FROM *KENYA* WANT TO REP CZECHIA IN EUROVISION?”, and yes they first got the continent wrong and then *also* got the country wrong in the follow-up post and then they were torn limb from limb by a pack of aformentioned left-liberals. I’m sorry but i can’t not have any other response than laughter in the face of yet another fucking MORON faceplanting themselves with words like a... racist JK Rowling if you will?

Still, while I never read something outright vile about Benny doesn’t mean I found his deniers really annoying and they were! Think “Ew Solovey is ‘Too Aggressive’ it will NEVER DO WELL IN ESC”, a statement that isn’t coded nor racist (and yet extremely false and misguided), functioned as a similar idea by the same minds. A statement borne from the same breed of narrow-minded stubbornness which has caused elitist morons to be all “there is **SOMETHING** about “Kemama” i do *NOT* like and I cannot lay my finger on it... but I **DO NOT** like it at ALL. It won’t ever qualify because everyone will think the same way I do” -- Eurovision snobs, tiptoeing around racial coda in January 2020.

 They would also insist that Benny was “arrogant” because he was seemingly impervious to their (de)constructive criticism. Like, if you were a biracial butterfly living in a slavic country who had to deal with statements such as the above on a regular basis, you WOULD block out the noise. And if you heard them often enough you will start to block them out pre-emptively. DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW COPING MECHANISMS WORK?? (oh wait you’re white-privileged. Nevermind 🙄)

 So naturally, when Benny decided that he would revamp “Okay Mother” by adding in MORE African elements it only made me love him even more lol. 😍 Was it a bull-headed, contrarian and possibly really stupid decision? Yes, yes and absolutely yes. Was it worth it? Well he managed to incite even more meltdowns in a group of people I feel nothing but contempt for, so hell yeah? Eurovision was cancelled anyway so who cares how much ‘worse’ “Kemama” actually got. 

Okay, so we’ve arrived at the revamp.

Granted, it wasn’t the best ‘vamp, I’d be a fool to deny it. The new elements threw a wrench in the melodic balance of the song. Out went tropical laid-back fun, IN went that fucking guitar oh my god this is some Hotel FM piano levels of overbearing I swear. (nb: this still didn’t stop me from ironically stanning Hotel FM’s lame asses anyway 😍). However, it made the personal backstory that I loved and savoured take a backseat to the now inferior composition. 😭

Regardless, New Kemama was fundamentally the same song, and I fundamentally liked Old Kemama, so whatevs, it made no different to me. In the eyes of many Eurovision diehards we were experiencing WORST PRESHOW SEASON EVER (after three songs... lol) and nothing clinches this brainworm more than a revamp announcement. “OH MY GOD HE WILL RUIN IT! I CAN GUARANTEE YOU I *WON’T* LIKE IT”. Self-fulfilling prophecies, ya know? It certainly didn’t help when the official channel accidentally uploaded a vid with broken soundmixing (‘OMG HORRIBLE LAST IN THE SEMI!!!!’ calm the ever-loving HELL down) and took another FULL WEEK to upload the correct vid. The damage had already been done. Typing "SEE I TOLD YOU THE REVAMP WOULD BE SHITE HA HA HA” in the Kemama comment box really just is the ESC equivalent of reponding with “Actually, *all* lives matter :smug:” to a BLM support pamphlet, isn’t it?

NF CORNER

While not my favourite NF of the bunch, I found the Czech NF to be lowkey epic. Not epic enough to remember its name but regardless Czechvision or whatever marked the end of an era because it was also the last selection spearheaded by Jan Bors :o

I think I’ve made it clear enough in the past that I’m somewhat mixed on Bors Era Czechia - Lake Malawi were a toetapping good, Ickolas was a pockmarked, skin-crawling evil and the other three inhibit a purgatory somewhere between “moderately nice” and “moderate timewaste.”

Still, I have great respect for the man who orchestrated Czech’s comeback after scoring NINE POINTS TOTAL across three years with the mindset of “So what? Why says we can’t win?” so ofc I was all into the idea of the “EIGHT INDIE ANGELS, HAND-PICKED BY BORS HIMSELF” NF that would serve as his swan song.

Naturally things went down the drain the second Bors left, with one of the eight peacing and his successor cancelling the live broadcast (does anyone remember what exactly happened? I vaguely recall one was the cause of the other but lol it’s July can’t be bothered to factscheck (Factsczeck?) anymore, bitches.

Anyway, ON TO THE GOOD STUFF, and yes, there was plenty.

We All Poop - “ All the Blood (Positive Song Actually)”

Yes, as you can imagine I ofc IMMEDIATELY fell into like when I saw that chyron and invisioned the inevitability of the Czech Rep’s Rep immediately alienating every parent just based on their name alone <3 😍 w/e WAP quickly became that “Good but not great” song you find in every NF that everyone gushes over because it’s the whitest option available. Like, yes, “All the blood” is good, but musically it’s identical to Green Day and Twenty-One Pilots and god name ANY 90s-early00′s American Punk Rock band. For me the enjoyment came from the fact that WAP were openly crazy vegan fundamentalists and the VC clip actively condemns the use ANY animal protein by replacing the cattle and game with LITERAL HUMAN BEINGS. 😍 :fusedmarcintensifies: :kasiamosage:

Pam Rabbit - “Get up”

Ohhhh YES a glorious experimental Synth-Trap song only I could love and ofc I did. God what is there even to say; the provocative darkness of the verses combined with the swirling amorphousness of the chorus gives me LIFE. LUFF THIS SHIT <3333 Ftr, this was also the fave of Slovene Juror duo / synth angels / Boris faves ZALAGASPER, further proving their pathetic naysayers that they own all things music and the haters can suck a series of-

Barbora Mochowa - “White and Black Holes“

Lol, yes even with a “Get up” existing, there was a song I liked even more. Barbora proved a very competent Lana del Gay last year, but I was a YUGE fan of this year’s... Kate Bush-Björk blend of ethereal awesome. It is so soothingly beautiful and the rare example of a song that I find completely free of flaws. Were the competition not such a hard place, I’d be pissed she didnt win (at least she won the jury vote MASSIVE KUDOS to every alum on that) but w/e this selection had opions and I’m rather robbed of a “Kemama” than I am of a BRILLIANT IRREPLICABLE AETHERBALLAD. ~Danse balance sûr les white and black holes~

Elis Mraz & Cis T - “Wanna be like”

I *VERY* strongly felt that if the Czech Republic wanted to win ESC, they should have picked Elis and even now I STILL believe she could have won. That isn’t to say I gushed over “Wanna be like” because I find it kind of annoying lol. Yes, I LOVE an annoying female voice (:Tones&Icackle:) but Elis’s reaches a Camilla Cabello sort of place for me (good lord get Senorita OFF the fucking radio) and the Scat + White Guy Rapping middle-eight. 😬. However, the second I opened up the video clip for this paragraph and was immediately BLASTED by Elis murdering a ukelele and wearing a  “schoolgirl” outfit straight from a Japanese tentacle porn movie and OH MY GOD THE AGGRESSIVE TWERKING made me reconsider that hey, this min-sized Meghan Traynor actually kinda highkey owns, yo!  Yet, I’m not at all bothered we lost her in the Czech NF because we got UNO DOS QUATRO CINCO SEIS :fatmansplit: fill up the megameme slot instead, so...

Eurovision 2020 vs Eurovision 2021

BENNY RUINED HIS SONG AND NEVER WOULD HAVE QUALIFIED. jk I’m not a moron. Sure, “Kemama” wasn’t an easy sell because you know AFROBEAT in a contest where half of the people watching are fash (ie: all of Eastern Europe, who watch out of ~Nationalistic Sentiment~ 😬), but there are Kemama live renditions out there and he owns them SO hard lol. A few soundmixing issues really would not have stopped Benny from qualifying in that RIDICULOUSLY WEAKSAUCE SEMIFINAL are you fucking kidding me. He probably would’ve bombed in the Grand Final, but I mean it’s Czech and it’s not Ickolas so ofc it would have.

And Czech renewed him for 2021 regardless of the sceptics, woohoo! I think part of it was due the Czech not wanting to re-organize an ENTIRE NF from scratch without Jan Bors, but probably also because Benny owns live when he isn’t engaged in psychological trench warfare with actual human detritus <3 and also because the Czech fucking CARE about their artists and don’t drop them like a sack of rotten potatoes wtfshitprus.

Can’t wait for the moment when he qualifies and Efendi does not, etc, etc. 

FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!

I’d say that the core around which the Ben Drama spun was pretty standard fare: niche fave beats out the concensus fave, meltdowns ensue, people convince themselves it was the WRONG decision because it wasn the result they wanted, try to disown the song and make a fool of themselves because the song slaps, sorry. Even the revamp drama felt more of less generic for me, because yawn fantards melting down over a revamp of a song they don’t even like what else is new.  

However, what I do take away that the revamp was ENTIRELY Benny’s idea which he told no one about (cue to JAN BORS having a social media meltdown like he’s Caesar at the Ides of March 💔) added MORE afrobeat just to troll his haters even more <3  God, I’d say it was bad from a musical perspective but this level of in-your-face defiance is fucking iconic and hilarious, sorry. This entire this year is so batshit bonkers that the concept of a someone potentially shooting themselves in the foot and “torpedo’ing” their qualification chances  (not rly, he would’ve Q’d anyway lol) JUST to take the moral high ground in a racially coded argument only HE took seriously may not even be the craziest concept in the year! (lol it definitely isn’t. Look at the pics I haven’t greyed out yet)

This and more yield Benny some well-earned Senheads! Yay!! 

Score: 3 Senhits out of 5.

[vampireqrow-moved]

hey so I agree with a lot of the stuff in your post about the transphobia involved in the origin of the pansexual label, but I just have one question: what are the actual impacts of people with good intentions calling themselves pan? If you don't hate pansexuals and consider them bi, why type up a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of the origin of the label if it means the same thing in the way that most non transphobic people (your audience) use it? a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways (like bi and lesbian and anything really) and plenty of valid identities from problematic roots and evolve over time as people use them differently (queer, transsexual). so how is a person with good intentions using a not-perfect label in a way you don't like a threat to the community? if someone is using the label pan transphobically, wouldn't their bigotry exist independently? if pan people do not act in transphobic ways besides using the label pansexual, realistically what is changing if they call themselves bi beyond holier-than-thou aesthetic activism? plus, a blog on the internet isn't going to get everyone to stop identifying as pansexual, especially considering multiple prominent celebrities ID as pan. so why spend all that energy quibbling on semantics because some bi people use a slightly different word when you could be worrying about Literally anything else? just feels like you want to find something to argue about lol. extremely disappointed that I had to break a mutual

im going to respond to each thing you bring up chronologically- im not trying to nitpick or prioritize certain things you say ill just forget things if i go out of order and i dont want to miss something important. ALSO! i will be typing less formally (like keysmashes and shortening words n stuff) in this response than my og post bc its 1am as im starting to type this so im tired but i want to be clear that i am like. taking this seriously and im not like. mocking u in anyway if it could read that way?? i hope not but just in case anyways here it goes!

in terms of actual impact people with good intentions identifying as pan: honestly im not  sure the full scope of the impact this has, so ill only be speaking to what ive personally seen which might not be all. but like... id argue my younger self has good intentionals iding as pan. i wanted to support trans people, even if i didnt understand a lot of the nuance involved. as a result of this, i developed a sense of superiority over other bisexuals and a mentality that bisexuality was a primitive and lesser sexuality. that mentality is harmful, and although im not sure if it affected bisexuals around me (of which there are many most of my friends are bi ajfjfjf) its still a harmful mentality and can easily hurt people even if i specifically didnt. also using it even with good intentions, which i know many people have, still spreads and further normalizes a label that imo can not be separated from its transphobic origins. this effect is not as extreme as other forms of transphobia and biphobia by A LONG SHOT. the bi community faces a lot of other issues but that doesnt mean this one isnt worth addressing if that makes sense?

if i dont hate pansexuals: ik this is part of a larger point which i will adress but i specified this in my post bc i see a lot of other posts that are negative towards pansexuality have "i hate pan ppl" somewhere in it or a close equivalent. i do not shame these ppl for their anger, i just wanted to be clear i think a lot of pan ppl are bi ppl with good intentions choosing a label they dont fully understand based on a misunderstanding of bisexuality.

why write a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of pansexuals origin: ok 😭😭 the real reason here is that im literally just bad at summarizing. like thats literally it. i also like talking, its a bad combination. plus ive been thinking abt this for like. over a year im not even kidding and just like i have a lot of thoughts and figured if i was going to bother making my own post instead of rbing someone elses that i might as well get everything i wanted to say off my chest. ALSO BTW i literally got an ask like a week ago that was several paragraphs long asking me to explain my thoughts on why pan was harmful and some other stuff so like. this is partially responding to that and partially just me wanting to air my grievances ? idk if thats the right expression 😔😔

why write the post if my audience of people who identify as pan arent doing it in a transphobic way ? again sorry i didnt really understand the phrasing so i hope this is a vaguely correct summary!! um but like... again imo i think pan cant be separated from its transphobia and like. again imo iding as pan is like. a transphobic action/choice? obviously one transphobic thing does mean someone necessarily is like officially a Transphobe (it CAN be depending on the action but i dont think that applies here) but that doesnt mean there arent problems with what they did. this is like very complicated, but like. someone doing something harmful without the knowlege that its harmful doesnt make that person a bigot by any means it just means they didnt know. and i feel thats the case here? a lot of ppl (myself included until recently) know next to nothing abt pansexualitys origins so a trans inclusve sexuality might seem like a safe and good bet just because they dont know too much abt it, and like? i cant hate those people cause that was me for 5+ years and djgjfjdj you just dont know what you dont know!

basically i think iding with a transphobic label is inherently a singular transphobic action that doesnt make the person transphobic by itself, but is still a transphobic instance.

a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways like bi, lesbian, etc.: this is true and a point i attempted to make on my original post, but i might not have clear enough. my issue with pan is specifically that it is a transphobic response to a preexisting identity. lesbian isnt an attempted trans inclusive indentity that replaced an identity that already existed (which have many trans ppl identifying with the og label). transphobes can use whatever labels they want, but transphobes using a label vs a label having a transphobic origin is very different. bigots use inclusive and supporting language for their bigotry all the time but language that originated with that bigotry is worse.

many valid identities stem from problemstic origins (like transsexual and queer) but the words evolve: ok my paraphrasing is a little weird there. anyways. the thing here is that. those are slurs. reclaimed slurs that can be empowering to many people, yes, but slurs nonetheless. reclaiming a slur is taking a harmful word and wearing it as a badge of pride. first off, pansexual is not a slur (ur not implying that in anyway just. saying) and it isnt being reclaimed when people dont treat it as having harmful origins. transsexual is the way some people identify but ppl acknowlege its a slur and originates from transphobia. ppl love to act like queer isnt a slur, which is an issue in and of itself, but just. factually it has historically and is currently being used against ppl with the intent to hurt them. pansexual isnt on the same level as these and other words like the f slur, d slur, etc. pansexual originates from trans and biphobia WITHIN the community and not outside of it, and most pansexuals dont see themselves as reclaiming the title because they dont think anythings wrong with it in the first place. and reclaiming it just seems unnecessary considering its history? theres no empowerment from using pan as a label as opposed to queer or transsexual, and it just divides the bisexual community for no reason.

how is a person using a not-perfect label a threat to the community? ok i dont think its a threat but still an issue if that difference makes sense? id like to reiterate a few things ive said before, but for me personally, it made me look down on bisexuals and see them as lesser, and it made people around me see pan as the "trans inclusive" sexuality as opposed to bisexuality, and basically its usage just leads to further biphobia. is this the worst of biphobia? no!!! but its still biphobia and why not attempt to target and minimize that? i have no way to singlehandedly stop biphobia, but my post might get through to my friends who id as pan and that small thing is better than nothing.

if someone used the pan label in a transphobic way, wouldnt that bigotry be different from people using it not transphobically?: someone claiming all bi ppl are transphobic and only pan is the acceptable label is obviously a lot worse than someone iding as pan and saying bi/pan solidarity but again, the second isnt not an issue because the first one is a bigger issue, its just a smaller issue in comparison. i wouldnt say the bigotry is different, one is just worse than the other, but it still has the same problems.

if pan people dont do anything transphobic other than id as pan then what changes with iding as bi over pan other holier-than-thou activism: its just one less person using a transphobic label? which isnt that big but it might lead to their friends stopping iding as pan and cause fewer people around them to see bi as a transphobic identity. which is small scale stuff, i wont try to blow it out of proportion, but thats still a step in the right direction and hopefully more people follow with it. its not terribly huge or lifechanging but something small that may only affect the people close to you is still something rather than nothing.

a blog the internet isnt going to get people to stop iding as pan: oh absolutely not. honestly i expected to get unfollowed/blocked more than change peoples minds regarding the pan label (im surprised i only lost two followers so far honestly) but again, someone literally asked me to do this and i wanted to be clear on my stance on the label, since in the past ive been supportive of it. im not expecting the post to get more than five likes, its more directed to my followers rather than the internet as a whole. im not expecting a large impact, im hoping to change the minds of my followers and friends who id as and support the pan label. thats it. if something bigger comes from it- great! but thats not what im aiming to do.

prev point + many prominent celebrities id as pan: the first name that comes to mind is someone im not a fan of for separate reasons but thats irrelevant. i mean im repeating myself a bit but some celebrities in the past validated and made me feel excited abt my identity as a pan person when they came out, and it justified the label to me, even when i had doubts. i have never interacted with a celebrity and do not plan to change their minds abt their identity. again, my post was for my friends and followers and maybe who ever was scrolling through the biphobia tag and decided to read my post.

why spend that much energy worrying abt the pan label instead of something else: ive spent waaaaay more energy thinking abt a singular meme i didnt like regarding my favourite rwby character so like. maybe i just overreact to things lol. maybe i have a lot of energy and since i cant talk my friends ears off abt my favourite fruits or the different voting methods i learned in my math class or what would dreams taste like, then i gotta put my energy into something. idk. i have a lot of energy and honestly? this didnt take that much. but i felt it weighing on me as my friends talked positively abt the pan label, when i felt guilty for the superiority i felt over my bi friends INCLUDING my best friend and favourite person in the world so like. i spent enough energy worrying abt it, and like. in hindsight since its been over 12 hours since posting it, im thinking abt it less. i was more worried abt feeling dishonest with my friends than actually worrying abt pansexuality, but i figured i owed them an explanation for why my feelings around it had changed.

just feels like you want to find something to argue about: okay i DO love arguing but im not pulling this out of my ass for fun. its in response to posts ive seen on my dash, asks i recieved abt pansexuality, and my way of letting people know my views have changed and why since i know at least some people are curious.

i am sorry to lose a mutual as well, and i genuinely hope things go well for you, but uh yeah thats that.

again, if people have further questions im willing to answer them i just might take a while bc i have school and other stuff 2 do but uhhh yea sorry if im clogging ur dash sjfjfkkf

[lanx-reads]

The Blood Diamond Review

Final Rating: ***/***** or 5/10

You’re a Vampire Hunter. Killing Vamps is what you do. No exceptions. Ever... right?

Antoinette Drake never chose her role in life to be that of a Vampire Hunter, yet now her main mission is to quell the misdemeanors of the NYC vampiric underworld. But when a new nightclub is opened by the handsome and notorious vampire Henri Sinclair, she finds herself taking on more than she bargained for.

The last thing Antoinette wants to do is get wrapped up in Henri’s cryptic games, but if she wants to unveil his plans and save her sister’s life at the same time, she might just have to get closer to a vampire than she ever has before...

Even tho @authorrjcity​ is my friend and fellow mutual and writer, I did indeed promise her a 100% brutally honest review of her book. As it stands, I am of course reviewing this as a critique and judging her as an author and nothing else. I also wanna note I am reading somewhat outside my preferred genres to a degree! So that also affects my rating.

Since I am still wading my way through how to write these reviews, I’m gonna try a new tactic that kinda combines my previous review styles. I will be breaking my review into numerous sections: Characters, Plot, World Building, Writing, What I Liked, and lastly, What I Disliked. 

There will be minor spoilers in this review, so just a heads up if you want to read The Blood Diamond spoiler-free! 

Writing:

I want to note that I am not the biggest fan of first person. I find it kinda stiff to both write and read and incredibly limiting. Likewise, I personally think that this book could’ve benefited from a pure third person style rather than sticking with first person. Furthermore, The Blood Diamond did have transitional scenes written in third person due to the fact that information had to be given to the reader and Toni couldn’t be around to narrate it. Personally, I didn’t really much agree with this artistic choice, as it would’ve been much smoother if the entire book stayed in first person, but merely bounced around different heads as needed. 

Minus the issues I had with the POV the writing was decent. I do feel like Toni had too many stock sentences in her narration at times, like “Well, yeah” and “Hmm...” and such that were distracting and could’ve been cut out without changing the story at all. Sometimes Toni had thoughts as if she were talking to the reader, which was also a little distracting at times. 

Another artistic/style choice I didn’t like was the fact that Toni’s direct thoughts weren’t italicized. Instead of being written like [This is a thought, Toni thought.] it was written instead like [This is a thought, Toni thought.] which sometimes made reading her direct thoughts a bit confusing as they ran into the narration. 

The author also uses a lot of epithets and describes eyes as “orbs” a couple of times, which are pet peeves of mine. Nothing inherently wrong with either, but they did ruffle me a little. Another pet peeve of mine that popped up was dropping a Twilight reference. Considering how long ago Twilight was published, I feel it was a bit awkward. I think this sentence could’ve easily just been cut out and replaced with the general “Have you been reading vampire romance novels or something?” as then the sentence would be funny in the sense that its pure irony (though I also have a huge weakness for irony as a plot device so...). 

Lastly, though the book was pretty clean from typos and mistakes in the beginning and the middle, but near the end I counted a lot of mistakes popping up. I only caught one actual misspelled word, but mistakes such as writing an instead of a and using a dash rather than a hyphen did find its way into this book. A couple of other mistakes were some capitalization errors (The Order vs the Order vs the order in describing a political group). 

Now, everything I have stated so far is mainly just. Little pet peeves of mine and things that can be overlooked more or less. However, the one negative aspect of the writing that stuck out like a sore thumb to me was the fact that setting descriptions were rarely, if ever, used. The most description the author used was saying what type of room someone is in, or a club, or a mansion or apartment, or whatever. However, these places weren’t actually ever really described, which sometimes made it hard to visualize certain scenes. The lack of setting descriptions also made certain scenes in the book pass by too quickly. In some places this worked, however in others, I feel the lack of a slowed down pacing did a real disservice to building up tension in some places. 

Characters

There are quite a few characters in this book! I will be talking about the side characters as a whole group to keep it simple, but talk about the main characters individually. 

Toni: 

Toni is easily a main character you will either really enjoy or dislike. She tends to be sarcastic, though not always witty. There are at times inconsistencies with her character, such as the fact that she has destroyed some pretty powerful vampires, but doesn’t seem to be very good at planning ahead and rushes into things at times, which although is a interesting and good flaw for this sort of book, doesn’t match with what we’re told of her being an infamous hunter among vampires. That being said, Toni is overall a really fun character. She has a couple of pretty popular tropes included with her character (such as parents dying via a vampire and such...) but those things didn’t really bother me as I like those tropes well enough. 

Henri:

Henri is a character I can honestly say without a doubt that will become a fan favorite. Broody, though not above mockery, secretive, and dangerous, he employs numerous popular vampire tropes, yet there are scenes in which he inverts them to a degree. He isn’t a good person at all. He’s killed people and is a clear vampire, which is always fun and refreshing to see. Though he is a powerful vampire, he’s also not the most powerful vampire to ever exist or anything. Another part of him I liked is that though he acted like he knew everything and was in control of things, he really wasn’t, and that arrogance in many ways lead to many downfalls for him. He’s a fun character I would love to see more development of. 

Gavin: 

Gavin is Henri’s twin brother and in many ways is the polar opposite. He’s narcissistic, psychopathic, outgoing, and overtly sexual. He’s a genuine asshole and though there are points where he feels a bit like an archetype, overall Gavin, like Henri, will most likely become a fan favorite as well. He has a certain villainous charm to him where every time he pops up, you know some exciting shit is gonna go down, and you’re sitting on the edge of your seat. 

Robert: 

Warning: Major Spoilers

Robert seems to be the Big Bad of this series, but as a big bad, I have to say he is a little underwhelming. His backstory was monologued to us in the climax, which was a little uninteresting. If instead Toni had to slowly uncover the identity of who he was over the course of the book, I feel the plot twist relating to him would’ve been a lot more powerful. He’s described as a pretty stereotypical vampire and besides being evil we really don’t know much about him. He seems to be younger than Gavin or Henri, which makes me wonder as to why he’s a master vampire and their master in the first place. 

Not much of his personality was given, and his motivations seem a little flimsy. Hopefully, the sequel will shed more light on him and flesh him out as a villain more because as of right now, he’s a little bit forgettable. 

Liz: 

Liz is Toni’s younger sister and though she is told to us to be a major part of Toni’s life and her only family left, we really don’t get to see much of her. We get to see her a little bit near the end of the book, and she starts forming a more interesting personality then, but overall we’re left with too little too late due to the plot twist. I do wish she was given more of a chance to breathe and grow, as I feel that fleshing out her character would’ve made the plot twist at the end a lot more weighty and emotional. 

Ethan:

Ethan is Toni’s best friend and fills the roll pretty well for the most part. Though he pops up quite often, he has a pretty general personality and isn’t the most memorable of characters. 

Micah: 

Micah is a side character, but is one of the more interesting ones. Though I do wish to learn more about him as some secrets of his are both exposed and kept under wraps, his personality is a little hard to place. The sort of character roll he fills doesn’t quite match the personality he is given. Though I do wanna learn more about him, as a character he is a little bland besides the roll he is given in the plot. 

The rest of the side characters: 

The rest of the side characters such as Giselle, Melissa, Stephan Church, Hannah, Clary, and the like are a bit of a mixed bag. They have a lot more clear personalities than some of the main or more important cast of side characters and have clear quirks in the way they talk and such. That being said, we really don’t learn much about them, and a couple of these characters do fall into archetypes I am not a huge fan of (such as two of the female characters just kinda being jealous bitches to Toni...) Some of the other side hunter characters, such as Hannah and Clary, are used very sparingly. Hannah, who is a faerie, only really pops up in the beginning and end of the book while Clary is mentioned briefly in the beginning, then finally gets a little screen time at the end. 

Considering how big this cast of characters is, I do hope that all these side characters are given more development in the sequels to come. 

Overall, the characters weren’t too bad! A little bit of a mixed bag- some were quite interesting while others less so. The only real issue I had was some of the names of the characters being a little out of place. Such as an age-old vampire being named Andrew, for instance, and I personally wouldn’t have called the Big Bad Robert of all things (unless that’s purposely done to be a bit comical, tho Toni never finds his name a little funny...) Despite the little inconsistencies in character naming, and in some characters in general, they overall worked well for this sort of book and plot and were fun to read about overall! 

Plot 

The plot is a little difficult to describe, if I am being honest, as the plot drifts quite a bit in this book. Sometimes, it’s really focused and other times, not so much. I would say its a mystery, but there is little foreshadowing and the mysteries themselves aren’t touched upon and after a while, become quite vague, leaving you a bit confused. 

Overall, the story is about Toni trying to bust The Blood Diamond and the vampires within it for illegally turning humans while also trying to figure out who the master vampire is, who is the one pulling all the strings and causing the violence in the first place. Unfortunately, this plot is dropped pretty quickly and instead, the subplot of Toni and Henri’s relationship and him Marking her takes over for a good chunk of the book.

I think one of the biggest weaknesses of the plot is its reliance on the readers to understand the world building and how this system of vampire hunters work. However, this system isn’t given a lot of screen time and at times, the plot (and world building itself) gets muddied. There are many places where I feel like if the world building had been fleshed out a bit more, it would’ve helped the plot a lot. Such as why doesn’t Toni, and by extension everyone else, know who the master vampire is? Why are certain vampires not archived in the system? Though the latter is brought up at one point, it’s not really touched upon, and I personally felt that it could’ve been part of the overarching story and a puzzle piece of the mystery this book was trying to build. 

At times, the overarching plot of the book felt a little everywhere, and thus when the climax at the end happened, it wasn’t quite as powerful as it could’ve been.

Furthermore, the pacing was a little odd. The book was a fast read for sure, but in places it needed to slow down, it didn’t, which led to it not being as emotional as it could’ve been. 

There are also a couple of scenes I feel could’ve been cut out. 

I also want to note that this book does not end with a clear stop. Not everything is wrapped up whatsoever, and thus, this book by itself is an incomplete story. This isn’t a negative point or a bad thing at all! It’s just how this book is written and set up. A lot is built up for the sequel. 

Though this book never felt “plot-less” by any means, the plot never felt like the focus of the book either, and instead felt muddied and a bit vague. However, I think this is less the plot’s fault, and more of the fact that the book could’ve been a bit longer to accommodate some changes and that the world building could’ve been fleshed out more to give definition to the plot elements present. 

World building 

Out of everything in The Blood Diamond, I think the world building is its weakest aspect. Though these is no infodumping, which is always a good thing, the author also doesn’t really give us a chance to learn about the world. Since Toni already knows about the world more or less, she doesn’t explain much, so you’re basically thrown in and hope you can hang onto the information that’s thrown at you. 

Furthermore, there are points in The Blood Diamond where I think not everything was thought through. How does the Agency keep vampires and other supernatural creatures hidden? Vampires themselves aren’t discreet and there are numerous times where there are “supernaturals only” places around. It’s never explained if they are hidden or if normal humans are compelled to not enter via magic. Furthermore, if the Agency has to tell family of the victims of vampires of the supernatural world, how has the truth not gotten out yet? And also especially with all this taken place in the modern world and a densely packed city, how have vampires, or other supernaturals, avoided being caught on tape or anything? 

The Agency seems a bit small for the setting as well and at times, a bit unprofessional. The entire system of this government isn’t explained the best either. The Agency is what I suppose are like cops while The Order is closer to something akin to the FBI I am guessing, but it isn’t exactly clear. The Agency also seems to work as the judge, jury, and the police, which gets even more confusing and doesn’t fit in with how America is run as a country either.

Vampires and their powers are also not that well explained. Other supernatural creatures, such as werewolves and witches, are mentioned but not touched upon at all or fleshed out, making them feel more like an afterthought. 

There is also a scene midway into The Blood Diamond with some mermaids in the NYC rivers. Though there were a lot of cool ideas in this scene, the scene itself felt completely and utterly pointless to the rest of the book and felt more like something in there for a sequel or to try and world build a bit more. However, the world building should’ve been tied into the plot. If less of the plot had been on Henri Marking Toni and more focused on fleshing out the plot, the world building could’ve gone along with that, and overall both world building and the plot could’ve been a lot stronger.  

What I Liked 

I know that it sounded like I didn’t like this book with how much negativity is in this review! But trust me, there is plenty I enjoyed about this book as well, and I will list out everything I did enjoy in this section below!

I enjoyed Toni’s narration and her character.

Henri and Toni’s romance was interesting.

I really enjoyed the powers we did see from the vampires. Some of them were very unique.

Hannah. Just. Hannah was adorable I enjoyed her a lot! 

A lot of the names in this book I liked too. Such as The Blood Diamond and La Luna and such! 

A fast-paced and quick read overall, which is pretty good! 

Toni staking vampires was always a fun treat to read about.

Giselle. She was great. Like I said, there are a lot of side characters to enjoy here. 

Woman friendship between Toni and Clary at the end was fun. Though it stuck out a little, I did like that the author confirmed that Toni was bi/pan and that Clary is at least, not straight either. 

The plot twist, though it had its problems, was good in theory. 

I enjoyed the idea behind Marking as well as compulsion. 

Actual forensic science was used in a scene near the end, which was a pleasant surprise in a book such as this. 

Though I did mention a couple of pointless scenes, the pointless scenes themselves were at least interesting to read even though they went nowhere. There weren’t any slow paced, snore-fest parts, which is good. 

The print itself in the book was pretty big, which was easy on the eyes for me. 

I think this book, if just read as a piece of light entertainment with vampires and mystery, is great. 

Honestly, I really did enjoy reading another vampire book again. I haven’t in a while, so it was fun to go back to reading vampire fiction. 

Near the end had some showing of Toni working with some other hunters on what seemed to be pretty standard run-of-the-mill cases, and that was really fun to read about. 

What I Disliked 

The stuff listed here are further nitpicks that personally made me cock my head to the side. Nothing major enough to discuss in the above sections, however. 

Too many teenagers in things like clubs. Unless you’re counting 18 year olds as teenagers, then I guess it fits, but I found it a little distracting. 

It seemed like only women were the victims of vampire attacks all through this book. It kinda rubbed me the wrong way. 

At times, Henri and Toni’s romance squicked me out, especially there is a point where he feeds on her without her consent and the fact he does assault her. That being said, he does apologize for the feeding from her and admits he it was wrong and though its a little vague, it’s explained he was being controlled by the Mark, just like Toni was. The assault, though it does rub me the wrong way, makes sense as he was defending himself against her. 

Some of the descriptors at times felt a little cliche, such as “raven-black hair.” 

Toni’s supposed infamy for being a badass vampire hunter usually didn’t match up to her as she actually acted in the field. 

Near the end of the book, Toni was knocked unconscious about three times, including once during an action scene. I was a little annoyed at this. 

There was no explanation how any sort of “clean up” was done after vampire attacks. There didn’t seem to be a protocol, which mixed me up. 

A lot of the timing of events felt off to me.

Dream/nightmare sequences were used to tell us Toni’s backstory. I feel like this could’ve been woven into the actual story and narration, as the way the nightmares were written didn’t feel natural or convincing. 

I wish there was more of a focus on the supernatural creatures and how they work cases. 

The slang for vampires at times seemed a bit childish and random. In one sentence, Toni will think of them as purely “vampires” and the next, they’d be call “vamps” or “blood suckers.” 

Final verdict

The Blood Diamond is pretty middle of the road for me and sits at a 3/5 stars, which basically means “good” to me. The rating of 5/10 also matches this. The Blood Diamond has its problems, but if you can look past those, and are looking for a fun and light piece of entertainment, it may fit what you’re looking for. 

What really knocked off those two stars were the world building issues, the muddy plot (that romance took over), and some of the writing issues I had stated above. 

That being said, a lot is promised in the sequel, and I do hope the sequel gives us readers world building, a better crafted mystery, a more focused plot, and details our established characters a bit more. I would definitely rec this book to people who enjoy vampire books and miss reading them and those a fan of YA and tired of the dystopian genre currently being passed around. 

***/***** or 5/10

[rieshon]

Fall 2018 Power Rankings

Wow, I actually finished this shit sort of on time this season.

1 Yagate Kimi ni Naru: You know a show is good when you put off finishing it just because you don't want it to end. I did that with Yagakimi this season, and not only is it my favorite show of the season, I'm pretty sure it's my favorite yuri anime of all time. It's not just that Touko and Yuu are such an adorable couple, but that the story and relationship dynamics are genuinely original for a yuri anime. You've got two heroines who are de facto dating from the outset, so no will-they won't-they bullshit like most yuri stories (lookin' at you citrus)... But only sort of, because it's complicated. You've got one heroine who doesn't want her girlfriend to fall in love with her because she has a weird identity crisis because of past trauma and is afraid to embrace her own individuality which having someone fall in love with her would validate because she's "only herself" around said girlfriend... And then you've got the other heroine who thinks she's asexual/aromantic but slowly starts to realize she's actually just gay, but only after she's promised her girlfriend she won't fall in love with her because she "can't." To say this is a weird relationship is putting it mildly. There's also some stuff you usually don't see in anime at all, like another character who actually IS aro/ace, and a live-in adult lesbian couple (one of whom is actually revealed to be bi later on) who are the Big Gay Mentors to the younger characters. There is still the requisite amount of Yuri Melodrama, of course (elevated by a beautiful soundtrack from the venerable Haketa Takefumi) but it's so much more interesting than usual here. Oh, and of course, as I mentioned above, Touko and Yuu are the most darling couple ever, perfect cinnamon rolls who must be protected. Well, okay, maybe not perfect: they got issues. But I love this story and characters so much I actually picked up the manga to read what happens next, and I basically never do that. Maybe it's not technically the "best" anime of the season, but it's the one I love the most. ★★★★☆

2 SSSS.GRIDMAN: Somehow, based Trig just keep doing it. You'd be forgiven for thinking Darling in the Franxx, the show that has "SMART ANIME FOR ADULTS" practically engraved on everything about it, would be the 'cerebral' robot anime Trigger made this year, and Gridman, a spinoff of a cheesy tokusatsu show that was itself a spinoff of Ultraman, would be little more than a fun but forgettable robot romp. You'd be totally wrong, of course: Gridman is every bit the heavyweight that previous Trigger/Gainax robot anime are, with its own flair of course. It takes a while for it to fully develop and present its themes about social anxiety and isolation, but once it does it really pops off. The dual heroines of Akane and Rikka are brilliant, not just for their lewd character designs but also for how well their stories are written. Rikka is the real hero of the show--Yuuta might be the one jumping around in a robot, but ultimately Rikka is the most important. Stellar performances from both Ueda Reina and Miyamoto Yume as Akane and Rikka, respectively, really carry the thematic weight of the show. There is, of course, some great art and animation on display, as you might expect from Trigger, who always make the most (and then some) of whatever resources they're given. Episode 9, which takes place for the most part inside of a dream, was especially visually striking. An all around great production and one that won't soon be forgotten. ★★★★☆

3 Zombie Land Saga: With all that out of the way, here's a show about some moe zombies. Ah, anime, even after all these years it still finds ways to surprise me, like a show about moe zombie idols being as genuinely moving as it is hilarious. Probably the weirdest thing about Zombie Land Saga, even as a show that features the undead filming commercials for a Saga-based fried chicken restaurant and competing in a Takeshi's Castle-style mud Olympics, is that it unironically works as an idol anime, too. All the characters (well, except for Yuugiri, who is woefully underutilized) really do grow throughout the show and it gives the idol anime aspect a really solid backbone to build off of. Of course, Zombie Land Saga is more than just another idol anime, and calling it a zombie idol anime is somehow still selling it short. From the aforementioned chicken commercials, to the unforgettably epic zombie rap battle, to the middle schooler biker gangs, to basically everything Yamada Tae does, this show was not just surprisingly moving but shockingly hilarious at times. Also, it must be noted that these zombies are fricking adorable: definitely way cuter than the undead should ever be. Especially Junko who is the best girl, once again proving the superiority of Showa idols. ★★★★☆

4 Seishun Buta Yarou wa Bunny Girl Senpai no Yume wo Minai: Since this is a light novel anime through and through, it seems fair to describe it in terms of light novel anime: it's basically the Monogatari series meets Oregairu. Our sardonic protagonist with a heart of gold (and impossibly hot girlfriend) meets a bunch of high school girls with weird supernatural problems and helps them solve them. That might make it sound boring or derivative, but as I always harp on, it's really all in the execution and Aobuta sticks the landing. It reminds me of those above shows not just in narrative content but also in terms of how sharp the dialogue is: it is one of those delightful shows where you could have two characters just have a conversation for 24 minutes and it would still be endlessly absorbing. The reliable Ishikawa Kaito is great as our male lead, bringing not just snappy wit to the table but also a surprising amount of emotional depth in later story arcs. The aloof, sarcastic protagonist is of course done to death in this genre (hi, Kyon!) but Sakuta is certainly an example of it done well. It helps that he's such a loving oniichan and cute boyfriend, which really endears him to the viewer. The gallery of heroines is of course stocked with plenty of cute and sexy girls--the art and animation is top notch--but what really carries the show is Sakuta's relationship with his girlfriend (and best girl) Mai, which is a continuing story throughout the series even as the focus moves to other heroines. They're just so adorable together. Ironically, the element of the show that probably matters the least is the weird sort-of-sci-fi plot hooks: you're really just here to watch these characters talk through their emotions and stumble through adolescence, and the sci-fi plot devices are basically incidental to all of it. ★★★★☆

5 Himote House: Talk about a dark horse of an anime... Himote House is the latest... thing... from the man, the myth, the legend who brought us Minarai Diva, Ishidate Koutarou, and it's great. It's half nichijou-kei anime, half just a seiyuu radio show that's animated, and it's all superb. In the scripted bits, the show can get wonderfully weird, from the episode that used the Game of Life to teach us about the lack of gay rights in Japan, to the episode that took place entirely inside of a copy machine, and I haven't even mentioned the Bitcoin episode yet, which is too bizarre to even give away in this review no one will read. The unscripted bits are also great thanks to a collection of some of the seiyuu industry's top personalities, including the always great combination of Suzakinishi, comedic genius Mimorin, and the criminally underrated Mizuhara Kaoru whose performance as Tokiyo really must be experienced: it starts over the top and just keeps going from there. Even the cheap 3DCG animation is surprisingly charming, and it's at least good enough that these girls look genuinely cute, although the show is also helped along by regularly inserting some nice hand-drawn stills in the most important moments. Almost everyone probably overlooked this show this season, but I'd give it a hearty recommendation. ★★★★☆

6 Tonari no Kyuuketsuki-san: I hope Comic Cune anime are here to stay, because this was certainly the best pure nichijou-kei offering this season. It's "cute girl vampires" but, as you might expect from the source, this is the most laid-back depiction of vampires you're ever going to find in fiction. None of the human characters even seem to be remotely bothered that vampires are in their midst, the sun is an inconvenience that mostly makes it harder to go buy manga in the middle of the day, and they order their blood from Amazon. Even when a vampire hunter shows up, she's just won over by the vampire girls' cuteness. It does use vampire lore to tell some amusing jokes at times, like Sophie getting trapped outside because she had to count all the seeds in a sunflower, or Akari getting a plank put on her in bed because the vampires felt bad that her bed didn't have a lid, but mostly you're just here for the cute girls cuting, and cute they do. There's the requisite amount of soft yuri, and the character designs and animation are fantastic. Very little to complain about here--the show's only real weakness is that the jokes are occasionally kind of meh. Ellie is best girl. ★★★☆☆

7 Uchi no Meido ga Uzasugiru!: Shocking no one, the Comedy God delivered again. This show is frequently laugh out loud funny, and it's helped along by animation from Douga Koubou that is right up there with some of the best they've ever produced. The sole factor that makes this show somewhat weaker than Oota Masahiko's previous works is that with its completely absurd comedic premise it is ultimately trying to tell a very serious story--about a little girl who is terrified of having her late mother replaced by having any other adult woman enter her life--with a premise that definitely should not be telling a serious story. The show is at its best when Tsubame (voiced by Numakura Manami in some of her best-ever work) is being an irredeemable lolicon shithead, not a role model. Still, the show is pretty great most of the time, and it only gets better when ドM best girl Midorin turns up about halfway through. The Russian loli is pretty cute too I guess, but as seems to always be the case in these shows (I can't help but remember another Douga Koubou production, Mikakunin de Shinkoukei) the silliest and most perverted girls always steal the show. ★★★☆☆

8 Irozuku Sekai no Ashita Kara: It's a P.A. Works original, so that means it's time to complain about how it's not as good as other P.A. Works originals! Seriously though, although it's not the second coming of TARI TARI, this show is easy to recommend, being beautiful both artistically and narratively, with a simple and heartfelt story to tell about a girl going to a new place (well, a new time) to discover herself. Yep, you guessed it, this is one of my favorites: sentimentality anime! Girl literally learns to see the beauty in the world that she had been blind to by leaving her comfort zone and falling in love. Good shit, good shit. My main complaint is that the best girl, Kurumi, gets short shrift as best girls often do, although she at least does get one little story arc to develop her character. Ishihara Kaori is solid as the female lead, but I just loved Naobou as the snarky Kurumi so much. It's also worth noting that although the cast actually has a fairly even gender split, all the male characters are pretty much inoffensive to likable, which is all I really ask in a show like this. There's no one on the level of Wien, but Chigusa and Kurumi's relationship was pretty cute. Overall, though, this show is just about drinking in the atmosphere and the feels, and trying to avoid thinking about time paradoxes. ★★★☆☆

9 Akanesasu Shoujo: I had cautiously high expectations for this show going into the season, and although it didn't blow me away with a masterpiece, I was satisfied with what I got. The show doesn't have the best production values, but it has a solid premise that is executed well. A group of misfit high school girls in the incredibly lame Radio Club find a way to slip between alternate dimensions, have misadventures where they learn that The Real Power Was Inside Us All Along, and end up saving the universe from being consumed by some vague evilness. The story comes courtesy KID's Uchikoshi Koutarou, and definitely feels like something you might find in a science fiction visual novel. It's not afraid to be at least a little adventurous, with the various dimensions we visit being varying degrees and kinds of social commentary, and it even goes as far as killing off major characters and actually letting them stay dead! Plus, it had Kurosawa Tomoyo basically playing like three or four characters at once, which has to be worth something. If nothing else, I respected this series. ★★☆☆☆

10 Kishuku Gakkou no Juliet: Romeo and Juliet may well be the Bard's most widely popular play, so it's not surprising that now we have an anime version of it... sort of. In true anime fashion, this is not a tragedy of star-crossed lovers, but a comedy of errors about two goofball kids who fall in love at a ridiculous boarding school. Set against a backdrop of, uh, race war. Kayano Ai's blondenblu Juliet is pretty cute but as is typical in these shows the best girls never win, namely Ayaneru's Hasuki and the actual best girl, Shimamura Yuu's Chartreux. As always, the gay girls are the best. The show does have an unusually likable protagonist for one in this genre: Romio is a big dork who is singlemindedly dedicated to his cute girlfriend, and even if she's not the best girl, you definitely want to root for them. A pretty good show. ★★☆☆☆

11 Animayell!: Kirara anime are playing second fiddle to other cute girl shows again this season, but like Harukana Receive last season, this show is still decent. What it lacks in a compelling premise (sorry, not only do I come in thinking cheerleading is lame, but the show's animation isn't good enough to get it over as a cool thing) it makes up for in the most important ingredient for an anime, homosexuality. Not only is there the immaculately gay Hanawa-chan and the extremely homo Ukki, for some reason at one point theres also a completely random, out lesbian side character who asks our heroines for advice confessing to her female home tutor. But yeah, it's definitely worth it for Hanawa and Ukki at least; your mileage may vary on the rest of the actual show. ★★☆☆☆

12 Sword Art Online Alicization: I've repeatedly gone on record saying I love a slow burn, and I don't necessarily mind when nothing happens in a show if its at least giving me some good atmosphere and characters to gnaw on in the meantime... But man, is the new SAO one slow-ass show. Though I've never read the books, this really feels like a case of following the Original Way too closely. That's not to say that what is here is bad by any means; there's some truly interesting concepts, a good SAO story, and of course some stellar animation, but they probably could have cut this first cours down to like, six episodes and still accomplished the same things. I still have confidence that it will get more hype as we progress, though. There's a long way to go in this one yet, so this rating is anything but final. ★★☆☆☆

13 Debidoru!: This show is an ugly looking 3DCG abomination that was probably made in MikuMikuDance, but thankfully we now live in a post-Kemono Friends world, and so Debidoru! was still pretty great. You couldn't ask for a better trio of voices for an ad-lib stuffed comedy than Hanazawa Kana, Mimori Suzuko and Iguchi Yuka and they fill their roles with aplomb, especially Iguchi, who at one point tsukkomis so hard she clips the microphone. Like the best no-money shorts it also had some moments of true ART, like Sugahara Souta (the director) singing the moe opening song (in one uncut take) for no reason, or one of the greatest things I saw all season, episode 11, which was done (also in one take) entirely with paper cutouts of the characters in front of a camcorder. It's not really a mastapeece in the way Himote House was, but it was certainly a memorable little show. ★★☆☆☆

14 Beelzebub-jou no Okinimesu Mama: I'm as surprised as anyone that this show ended up as low as it did, but by the end of the season I had a hard time convincing myself to even load up the latest episode of this one, and it's hard for me to really even say why. On the face of it it should be my jam: it's full of cute girls and pastel colors, and it's even occasionally lewd. Really, it's probably just because there's so many male characters who get a decent amount of attention in the narrative. It also doesn't help that Beelzebub (despite being a cute blondenblu voiced by Oonishi Saori) is not really a very appealing character, which makes the protagonist, who is constantly fawning over her like she's the best thing since sliced bread, come off as less likable as well. It had some good stuff too, like Sargatanas's shyness and Gocchin's needing to pee constantly, but I guess it wasn't quite enough to hold my interest. It also doesn't help that my favorite girl, Eurynome, was barely even in the show after she was introduced. We ankle fetishists gotta stick together, man! ★☆☆☆☆

15 Tensei Shitara Slime Datta Ken: I had exactly zero expectations for this show to begin with, so I was pleasantly surprised with it at first. Those great typographic effects, especially, really sucked me into the first episode and I was excited to see where it went for the first few weeks, especially with the promise of cute girls on the horizon. The girls have been underwhelming, though (mainly by virtue of their having nothing to do in the story) and what actually is going on in the story, I find incredibly dull. Rimuru is just such a booooring protagonist, and his very existence tends to sap the tension out of scenes since you know he's ridiculously OP and will probably just absorb whatever bad thing shows up next like he's absorbed every other bad thing up to that point. 俺TUEEEEEE isn’t even necessarily something I hate, and it can be made to work, but Rimuru isn’t cool enough of a guy or really interesting in any way that I can self-insert and live vicariously through his TUEEEEE-ness. Just give me more Shion, she is the best purple oni secretary. ★☆☆☆☆

16 Hashiritsuzukete Yokattatte: I guess I should put this down since it's technically a show I finished from this season. It's kinda boring and lame, do not recommend. The girl with the glasses never even puts them on, she just wears them on top of her head like a doofus the whole time. Might have been able to deliver some feels if it was in a longer format, but just falls flat due to the <60 minute total runtime. ☆☆☆☆☆

[genderfluidmorningstar-blog]

On Mental Health, Treatment, and Drugs

You know, I was talking to my grandmother about the use of medication today, and it made me think of one of my favorite stories about therapy that gets passed around every so often in the psych community:

There was a woman with OCD (or anxiety, depending on who is telling the story) who's main obsession involved intrusive thoughts about a curling iron being left on and setting fire to her house, resulting in a compulsion to constantly check it, preventing her from getting a job. This woman goes in to see a therapist because its ruining her life and she needs help. Now all of the therapists colleagues want him to medicate the crap out of her, put her in a mental hospital, really intensive therapy, all of that stuff that therapists would usually do for a woman with severe OCD. But this particular therapist doesn't do that, and the woman still gets her life back. What did he do?

He had the woman take the curling iron to work.

Now this story is pretty much the psych community's version of the ham story or the story about the one olive saving money that gets passed around the business community so often. It's oversimplified and used for a good moral that nobody really listens to or follows, let alone really causes any changes.

But I have been recently thinking about the psych community, and the health community in general, and really sorta.... figuring out where I stand on certain topics. There's this idea in the psych community, and our culture in general really, that anything at all mentally abnormal or unusual needs to be given a diagnosis and "fixed" through medication and therapy and whatnot.

Now I'm going to throw away any pretense of politeness in speech and say, fuck you, that's bullshit.

Traditionally, there has been this idea in psychology that a disorder is only a disorder if it causes distress or dysfunction in a patient. If we are honest with ourselves, that idea has never really been listened to, outside of the cases of maybe not pathologizing religion, culture, and people in bad situations. If we are honest, that last one still happens, but I digress. The issue is that we treat any divergence from the norm as a pathological issue, and we shouldn't. It may be that I am neurodivergent myself, but if certain things are unusual, but don't cause issues, why should we try to change them.

And I do take this idea to the logical extreme. If a person hears voices in their head or sees things that aren't there, but is not bothered or inconvenienced by them (maybe even reassured or comforted by them being there), why do we need to slap a diagnosis of schizophrenia on them and give them psychotropics? Or another instance, if someone has multiple personality disorder (which is now called Dissociative Identity Disorder) and has two or more distinct personalities with their own separate thoughts, memories, and lives, why do we need to combine them into one, so long as the system functions on a meaningful level? Sure, it's fucking weird, but some estimates put 1% of the population as having DID, about the same amount of people that have autism, and it could seriously be just another, granted unusual, "operating system" of the brain. Speaking of Autism, if flapping and communication aids allow them to function in the work place, who gives a damn if they use them, if they do the job?

Our society has an issue with accepting the unusual, even to the point of pathologizing it. In psychology, humans are said to have a logical fallacy or bias towards believing that others have the same thoughts and opinions as ourselves, and I truly believe that this a culturally acceptable and encouraged form of it. I think that our cultural also encourages a negative view of neurodivergence, and that encourages social dysfunction, which is further demonized and ends up snowballing into an endless cycle of suffering.

I support and will forever encourage neurodiversity to be accepted and accommodated.

But I'm also not a completely optimistic fool, and I know that there are those who do need help.

And in such cases where the person can't function, where they can't handle the voices in their head, where personality two and three get in the way of things, therapy, medication and treatment need to be there to help.

But besides getting them help, we should not judge what helps them. For some people, their depression is helped by getting out in nature, fresh air, and eating better. For some, it's one of the dozens of varieties of therapy. For others, those simply will not work and they need to be medicated for whatever reason. I will never understand or sympathize with those who shame medication. The way that meds work is literally the same way that any other hormone or neurotrasmitter in your body, and the purpose of medication is to replace neurotransmitters that are deficient or reduce and block the ones that are overproduced. I almost want to compare them to game exploits allowing for gold farming, but unfortunately, good mental health will not get you that +5 longsword.

An example of a medication that is easily explainable is Prozac, a SSRI. Prozac is a brand name for the chemical fluoxetine, which in the body is metabolized, or literally changed by the body, into norfluoxetine, which prevents your nerves from reabsorbing seratonin, a chemical that makes you feel happy, and so you feel happier for longer. There is literally a hormone in your body that does that naturally, this is just the storebought version for people who need it, like buying eggs to make a souffle, even though you have chickens in the backyard.

St. John's Wort also does the same thing (I'm pretty sure that they affect the exact same variant of the exact same hormone group, but i don't have that kind of time for that level of research), but the particular chemical found in that plant may not work for all people that Prozac does, and vice versa. This is why there are so many different forms of SSRIs (anti-depressants that work by the method described above) alone, and not all depression is caused by lowered serotonin levels, requiring additional classes of drugs. Yes drug companies are money hungry scum, but humans are also just weird like that.

There are also meds that do things that cannot be replicated in nature. Anti-psychotic medications are necessary, and though certain plants and minerals found in nature can help, I'm sorry, Quetiapine works better in almost all cases.

That being said, there is an issue with overmedication in the western world, especially the US, probably tied to the obsession with pathologizing everything, and it needs to be fixed. Most of the statistics I can find say that most Americans have some sort of prescription (though the numbers I find include non-psychotropic meds, a rant for another day), which is an issue that needs to be tackled, but not by shaming or shunning medications. Not immediately turning to medication would be a good first step, but if meds are necessary, only using them for as long as needed is also a good step. For some people, that is literally the rest of their life. We need to accept that, and stop shaming people for taking medications.