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No joke when I first saw this design in a video with Natlan lore, I legitimately thought the video creator was using some random game to represent Natlan.
To say I’m surprised would be a lie considering how I saw this coming even before Sumeru came out; the moment I read in the wiki that Natlan was inspired from precolonial Latin American and some tribes in Africa, I stopped playing Genshin for around a year.
Often, the moment authors start meshing together countries and regions together, it starts to become… murky and harder to execute with proper acknowledgment to the sources of inspiration. Especially since the thing is… these are two continents oceans apart which did not have significant/apparent enough interaction between each other prior to colonialism.
As a mestizo (mixed) Latino, I cannot speak entirely for the various indigenous populations/groups represented within this one region, but the lack of care for skin tone and respect for the cultures it is based off—it’s sad. It’s depressing for me.
This company and many others are using less represented cultures as exotic and fun cosplay.
A fantasy costume party for their pale-skinned, idealized white characters—parading around names which erases real life deities from people’s immediate knowledge and now are replaced with some gacha-ass looking dude with barely a drop of melanin. Now when I search up Ororon, all I get is that dude, which is not fucking good since the name is of a Yoruba deity.
I want people to actually commit to not playing Genshin and other Hoyo games if they really care to boycott. I’ve been discovering the extent of how the other games are just as disgusting as Genshin; it’s not enough to just boycott one game, if you want to get your message across to a company, do it to all their products.
I’ve seen people say to do it, yet go on and still play.
Do it.
Fucking do it if you actually are enraged by the blatant racism in this game and in this fandom.
Those who are bystanders are just as culpable as the ones who perpetuate it.
I will now be changing all my socials if they involve Hoyoverse content; I will no longer interact with Hoyoverse content, whether that be fan-made or official, unless it is discussing this matter or redesigning characters whether that be from Natlan or Sumeru.
I know likely many others won’t do the same; it’s an interest, it’s many people’s favorite game, a comfort. And many people are comfortable—fine—with racism in their interests, as long as it can be sugarcoated and excused, y’know… “it’s not bad because there’s some white people there too in real life!” Yes! But it’s majority brown.
Especially before colonization happened.
#genshin impact#honkai star rail#genshin natlan#natlan#whitewashing#boycott genshin#boycott hoyoverse#boycott honkai star rail#boycott zzz#boycott honkai impact 3rd#hsr#sad but not surprised#kind of ramble#it’s been pent up for years#I saw this coming before sumeru even came out#it’s like Raya and the dragon thing#but kind of worse when you think about it#latam#im so tired of hoyo’s blatant racism#indigenous erasure
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Idk if I fully understand ffxiv being native-phobic? I just played through stormblood & what I got from that was colonialism bad, to put it in super simple terms. Like idk the entire point of it was liberate an oppressed peoples and give them back their homes? And maybe I missed it but I didn't see the Ala mhigans as being native coded or inspired?
You didn't see the Ala Mhigans being "Native Coded" because they aren't and yet Ala Mhigan clothes use Native patterns. You didn't see FFXIV being "Native-Phobic" because it's generally not, it likes to hide it's racism away in little pockets.
It's hard to see it when you're not used to seeing it. This isn't your fault, it's that you're looking in the wrong places.
This is the "Ala Mhigan Gown" it's being largely attributed to being "Ala Mhigan" it is not. It is Native.
These patterns are Native, and while I cannot claim exactly and exclusively which tribes use them I can say for certain that I'm Deer Clan Lakota and these patterns are ALL OVER my traditional Native clothing. To attribute our clothing to Ala Mhigo is wrong.
This pattern is being reproduced and sold as Ala Mhigan, as "Kimonos" and lastly, as cosplay.
And these patterns can be found across plenty of First Nation/Indigenous clothing and beadwork.
Like, here if you're curious:
Let's also quickly talk about the New World set,
This is just ugh. Believe it or not I like the pants, and the actual torso and shoes aren't bad either. IF (and this isn't the case) this set were to exclude the headdress and were to actually pay proper respect to Native design and culture I'd love it. I actually used to use this set in game minus the headdress obviously, but wouldn't you know it I'm literally Native. This feels like those party city costumes people make, and the parts it gets right are almost more upsetting because it's not being properly attributed to the right people despite knowing very well the devs clearly referenced actual Natives. Those straps on the pants for example are a very real thing, the clothing my father passed down to me has those, tipped with metal because it makes enough noise to scare off rattlesnakes since those were a threat for kids on the res. The colors and bead patterns also do follow a lot of various Native designs, though I find it harder to pin down these exact patterns.
You're looking at the plot, but that's not entirely where the problem lies; also sorry sorry but I can't overlook this. None of the story or plot justifies Zenos calling me a Savage. I do not care if he's the antagonist, that's a fucking slur. It's been used against me and my people for decades. It's been used against me when I was in middle and high school. So yes, even in recent times this is acknowledged as a slur by racist individuals seeking to cause us harm.
If you've never gotten into a physical fight that you didn't instigate only to have someone ask you "what are you gonna do savage? You gonna scalp me?" And then do the worst imitation of a Native war cry; you likely have no idea how annoying it is to see/hear even a villain in a video game call you a fucking savage, have this be hand-waved as kinda being whatever by the general public who don't deal with this kind of racism, and then furthermore when you go into FFXIV community spaces you see this blonde ass white boy being plastered up everywhere like "oh I wanna fuck him so bad" why do you want to fuck a racist?! He's not even hot. Any potential sex appeal he had left his body the second he uttered the word "savage" and you know the worst part? He's not real. Which means he didn't say that shit, someone at Square WROTE that into the game and really thought "hey is it okay to use a slur like this? Yeah it'll be fine no one is gonna know or care."
Can you IMAGINE if they had a villain drop the N word mid fight? You'd never hear the end of it I assure you.
I think the biggest issue is that people don't even know what Native is, they don't know tribes, they don't know patterns, they don't know our actual history.
You say you don't know how it's "Native-phobic" when it's racism and mockery of Natives is very apparent to Natives, but I can't fault you for it because you literally don't know what to look for.
I want to make it super clear I'm not mad at you, I'm upset that this game can get away with this shit because no one is actually educated on Native matters, culture, etc.
I hope this helps clear that up a little.
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Guess who finished Future Redeemed today.
There will be spoilers below the cut, so be warned.
Now I've been a Xenoblade (I have yet to be able to play any Gears or Saga games) since 2016. I have played and beaten every game in the series. And I have to say that Future Redeemed might be either right at the top or pretty damn close to it.
To be honest, I think I'm just gonna shout all my feelings here. So I apologise if you don't like walls of text.
It felt like a game made for fans of both 1 and 2, and the fact that the original Xenoblade Chronicles is my favourite game of all time (I have a monado tattoo and a Shulk cosplay to prove it) really helped me just fall in love with this DLC.
There were just so many references, so many areas and so much just felt familiar. I cried when they let you walk around Colony 9 and you got to see how it had changed.
But I think the thing that got me the most, was when the party went into Origin. We got to find out more about the Savorite Rebels. We got to find out more about Klaus' world. It was a massive pay off and I'm so happy that it happened.
And that fight against Alpha. That music gave me massive Zanza the Divine vibes and it fit so well. And also the music continued if you went into a chain attack!!
And the fact that we got to see that both Rex and Shulk had children and we got to meet them. The fact that they were trapped in that cycle and had no idea who Rex and Shulk were to them broke me, when I picked up the hints the game was dropping.
Although the thing that broke me the most, was definitely the thoughts that stuck with me. This game might be the last in the Klaus saga. Meaning that this might be the last time we get to see anything from the characters in this game. And that does make me really sad. I know that before we knew of this game, we thought we might have seen the last of the MCs from the previous games. But now it feels all too real.
I do hope they come back in a future game, but if they don't, I will really miss hearing Adam Howden voicing Shulk.
Okay my ramblings are over. Thank you for reading this mess. For your time, I offer you a cookie 🍪 .
There is probably more I want to say, but I can't think of anything right now. But I am looking forward to whatever Monolith have in store for us next.
#xenoblade#xenoblade chronicles 3#future redeemed#future redeemed spoilers#XBC3 FR Spoilers#XBC3 FC#XBC3 Future Redeemed Spoilers
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2023 Retrospective - July & August
July:
I started reading Time To Orbit Unknown, read it obsessively over the span of three days, and was never the same.
SAG-AFTRA STRIKE!
Went to the Lazy 5 Ranch, which is this large preserve-zoo-ranch type place where you get to ride through a large area on a horse-drawn wagon and feed pellets to all sorts of creatures, many of which also enjoy being petted, including cows, deer, buffalo, emus, sheep, pigs, zebras, etc. I was gently bullied by a couple of cows and discovered that cow tongues are rough like sandpaper. 10/10 experience, one of my favorites
THE BARBIE MOVIE WAS SO GOOD THO
Lost Belt 6 dropped, and I rolled. I ended up actually getting Morgan and Oberon (I'd had Castoria for at least a year IIRC) and unfortunately also Tam Lin Tristan, who I am never levelling up or putting any resources into (I hate her). I wanted to roll Tam Lin Gawain (buff wife buff wife buff wife) but Morgan and Oberon is acceptable.
Random impromptu day trip to Raleigh Galaxycon, in which I got to meet and get a picture with and autograph from Yuri Lowenthal (again), made some Purchases, and attended a screening of the Rocky Horror Picture Show with the guy that PLAYED BRAD in attendance and costumed actors reenacting the movie, of course with callbacks encouraged. It was a lot of fun!
FALL OUT BOY FALL OUT BOY FALL OUT BOY
Twitter rebranding to X (I will never ever call it that)
Summer versions of the tam lin and Castoria and anniversary!Tonelico who I swear I aM GOING TO COSPLAY
August:
The Planet Of the Bass
On 8/7 I started waking up at 5am and going for a jog around sunrise. I continued doing this for a while, actually! I'm pretty sure I made it all the way to October...
The absolutely train wreck that was the 8/8 Pokémon Presents... (I made bingo cards. I was unfortunately correct on all of my predictions and none of the things I actually wanted.)
Concert #5 was Offspring, Sum 41 and Simple Plan! OFFSPRING SURE DOES KNOW HOW TO PUT ON A FUCKING CONCERT.
Random impromptu trip to Colonial Williamsburg. You know, as you do.
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Ramba Ral and CHARlotte from Gundam Universal Century Photos by Rob Swackhammer Productions Anime CTX 2017
for more please like us @ www.facebook.com/colonydropcosplay SIEG ZEON!
#gundam#gundam cosplay#char aznable#char aznable cosplay#gender swap#gender swap cosplay#lady char#female char aznable#anime ctx#ramba ral#ramba ral cosplay#zeon#zeon cosplay#colony drop cosplay#colony drop#panty shot#fan service
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Suburban Chicago McMansions Follow a Dark Logic Even I Do Not Understand
For reasons architecturally unbeknownst to me, the McMansions of Chicago's suburbs are actually insane. Perhaps it makes sense that Chicago, America's mecca of great and distinguished architecture would also give birth to what can be appropriately called the netherworld version of that.
For six years, I have run this blog, and for six years I have been absolutely amazed by the formal leaps and bounds exhibited by the McMansions of Chicago's suburbs. This area is undisputedly the fertile crescent of unhinged custom homebuilding and while I've heard other claims made for the gaudy, compact McMansions of Long Island, the paunchy shingled stylings of Greenwich, Connecticut, the Disney-Mediterranean hodgepodges of Florida, the oil-drenched nub mountains of North Texas, you name it -- nothing comes remotely close to that which has been built in the suburbs of Cook, Lake, and DuPage Counties. (In the case of the houses featured in this post, nine of ten are located in Barrington, IL, which just might be the census designated place known as McMansion Hell.)
Usually vernacular architecture has some kind of origin point, a builder or a style or a developer one can point to and say, aha, that's where that comes from. One could argue that the postmodern classicism of a Robert AM Stern or the tory Colonial Revival selections found in the Toll Brothers catalog provided this service for much of the McMansion canon.
However, the McMansions in the Chicago Suburbs are so wildly customized and unique, it is as though each of the ten listed here were in competition with one another to build the most outrageous collage of wealth signifiers imaginable, to the point where their architecture becomes almost un-house-like. The responsibility for their form, owing to the absence of architects, lies solely with the owners and the custom builders who did their unquestioned bidding, who plucked each turret and mismatched window from the catalog after being told, give me that. These homes are the end logic of the "custom home" of the pre-2008 era where nouveau riche (and sometimes old money) fantasies were dropped on whatever massive virgin lot one could afford to hook up plumbing to.
There are two Barrington subtypes I've been able to identify that, while not unique to the area, seem to be the only kinds of formal logic uniting many examples. The first I'll call the Long House, which is just what it sounds like: a once rational house that's been stretched to comical length-wise proportions:
Theoretically the above house makes sense to the eye. The turrets divide it into a kind of five part vertical rhythm. But the more you stare, the less sense it makes. Why is there a window between the third and fourth turret but no other? Why are there two whole other wings jutting out from the house in two other directions? Were the house not one color, the eye would get lost immediately, and the scale is such that the realtor had to zoom all the way out with a drone just to capture the whole thing in one frame. Besides, what style even is this imitating? French Country? Great Recession-core? (The same could be asked of all of these houses which, owing to their bloated-ness defy and elude even the most half-assed stylistic or historical cosplay.)
In case you were wondering, the turret exists so as to roof a curved secondary mass. A horrible question to ask ourselves is: when a turret is not used, how does one attach the curved mass to the roof? The answer is whatever is going on in the above example. I'm sorry you all have to see this.
The Long House is perhaps best demonstrated in the above particular model, which appears as though it's not actually real but rather a mid-range SketchUp render. This house actually reminds me of many examples I've seen in Bergen County, New Jersey. The first three masses form a logical tripartite facade. The two that are tacked on after that undermine the rest and render it almost comical. Also they're slightly different from one another. Of course.
The other of the two subtypes is what I call the Tank House. (One also finds turrets on a tank.) The Tank House is, well, shaped kind of like a tank: hulking, with a central protruding mass around which everything else is oriented, often at a strange oblique angle:
Building a house at an oblique angle is kind of an interesting architectural decision especially on a corner lot, but none of these are corner lots - they are large swaths of what was probably farmland unhindered by size constraints. A carport is rather like the firing arm of our tank house, protruding outward and demonstrating a kind of military might:
Often in the Tank House, additional masses are just kind of piled on to the sides because it's actually kind of inconvenient to design a really big house on a 45 degree angle:
This results in these houses taking on a kind of kaleidoscope effect where they tesselate, spread and converge as the eye tries to assimilate them into something with symmetry, even though the design consistency falls apart at the edges.
And then there's whatever this is:
Yeah. Sometimes postmodernism wasn't all fun colors and ironic greek order references. Unfortunately.
However, the Tank House doesn't always have to involve an oblique angle. What's unique - other than the oversized central portico - is actually the piling on of the massing into mismatched wings:
Like I said above, architecture, especially "traditional" architecture longs for symmetry, and these houses simply do not have it. They always manage to screw up, shoving some house over there, some roof to that side, as though they've started with a central idea and were unable to commit, rather like this post in which I'm wandering around really, really trying to understand why these houses are so damn bizarre.
In the last two examples, you'll see a central hall punctuated by grand entrance of some kind. But in both cases the symmetry is broken by adding another mass to the right simply because the garage calls for it. It shows a remarkable lack of architectural faculty and imagination to let a garage derail the entire formal logic of the house. It's lazy. However, the garage is a status symbol in and of itself -- perhaps the disruption, the madness, is the point. (In architecture, as in all things, one must remember not to ascribe to malice that which can be easily explained by incompetence.)
This brings us to the last of our examples, which I consider to be among the greatest McMansions to ever exist:
This house took sprawl as its very inspiration, its DNA, its parti. It exists simply to say how much of it there is. It lays on a barren sea of turf grass, is constructed entirely from fossil-fuel based materials, is illuminated by a spurious sky added in post. Everything about it is the pinnacle of artifice, the absence of substance. Even color eludes it - it has traded color for "tone," for a monochromatic neutrality that even better conveys just how huge and stupid it is. I hate this house, but I also love it, because it pushes the boundary of the medium like all memorable works of architecture do. That's the thing -- despite six years of running this website, every time I think I've seen it all, I come back to Barrington, Illinois and find something even my headiest subprime fever dreams couldn't possibly cook up.
If you liked this post, consider signing up for my Patreon where you can get merch, livestreams, bonus houses, discord server access and more.
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#architecture#ugly houses#illinois#design#bad architecture#mcmansion hell#mcmansions#80s design#1980s#1990s#mcmansion
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This is for the mf’s that think while people are oppressed and experience racism, SHUT YOUR:
𝐀
albino monkey
albedo
arctic menace
alabaster geckos
albino skinwalker
ashewo
ash crickets
amebo
aje
ashiere
arindin
apoda
𝐁
baby powder
baking soda slugs
beach flamingos
birch trees
borax bites
bleached cheezits
bird caca
blanco bullies
bleached flip flops
baboons without fur
bland baboons
bleach demons
blizzard bliss
blancs
bone thugs
borax bats
𝐂
cauliflower conquerers
cauliflower pigeons
chrome startup screen
cauliflower crunchers
casper crickets
condensation calamities
chewed spearmint gum
coleslaw
columbus cadets
cave dwellers
chalk children
chalk chihuahuas
chalk chimps
ceiling fan
cloudy with a chance of colonization
children of the chalk
clear people
cultureless neanderthals
cum stain
cum skinned goblins
cigarette buds
cocaine monkey
coconut cocoos
coconut shavings
cornstarch crusaders
cotton ball flies
cotton swabs
cumstaint colonizers
colonizer
colombochauns
colourless cockroaches
corn starch
cousin lovers
cream cheese
cream confederate
crystal methamphetamine powdered iguanas
christopher columbus stans
casper the ghost
cracker barrel
cement walls
cloud chompers
cheese curds
clorox conquerors
cherry gatorade
crest extreme whitening toothpaste
culture vultures
cornstarch snakes
chlorine community
𝐃
dandruff clumps
discord light mode
death eaters
discharge doritos
discharge snow drop
discharge donkeys
discharge stains
discharge cosplay
discharge doggies
discharge gremlins
dandruff flakes
dove soap
default paint
deodorant stain
dog daters
dog kissers
dry chicken munchers
dry wall
dust mites
dutch dummies
𝐄
enemy of the sun
elmers glue
elbow ash
eggplant without the skin
eqinsu ocha
expired cheese
expired milk
𝐅
feta cheese folks
flavourless oatmeal
flavourless twinkies
flashback mary
flour fleas
flour power
frost feind
frosted opossums
foam cups
funky dime smelling bitch
𝐆
greek yogurt
garlic goblin
ghost thugs
gora (horse in Hindu)
grandpa’s pubes
𝐇
hueless crayons
hueless hooligans
high spf sun factor 50/50
𝐈
ice chimp
ice mice
iron golems
infecting wipes
iphone chargers
iphone light mode
ivory individuals
ice scorpions
inkless markers
𝐉
jeff the killers
jizzy delinquents
jar of mayo
jackie crackies
jelly babies with too much powder
𝐊
keeho’s white wall
ku klux karen
ku klux kleenex
kleenex klumps
𝐋
la llorona
lice attractors
lice breeders
lice factories
light mayonnaise
light mode
livestock
low fat milks
𝐌
marshmallow fellows
maggots
marshmallow minions
milk crickets
milk man
milk maggots
milk muncher
modge podge
minecraft ghast
milk beetle
mozzarella cheese
mayo packets
mayo monkeys
mayo skunk
mayosapiens
mcdonald’s cup lid
mayonnaise murderers
melaninly challenged
mosquito larvae
𝐍
no seasoning seagulls
no purpose flour
nail clippings
naked rambutan
napkin american
𝐎
oyinbo
ode oshi
omo ale
ori buruku
oniranu
onisekuse
ode buruku
ode
obun
oloshi
olodo
𝐏
palm coloured ones
paperback
paper people
people of colonial complexion
people of no colour
pillsbury dough boys
pillsbury pillager
pigment challenged beast
pink africans
powdered donuts
popcorn ceiling
powder rangers
powdered crickets
powdered roaches
porcelain possums
poorly powdered doughnuts
printer paper
plain toast
polar bears
privileged primates
pwc(people without color)
peeled chicken nuggets
𝐐
q-tips
quails without color
𝐑
rabies foam
ranch guzzlers
ranch opossum
ranch raccoons
ranch rats
ranch roach
rice rats
rice rascals
𝐒
salt rocks
saltine cracka
salt shaker
salty scallywags
saltine
sand crabs
seasonably challenged people
sentient snowmen
sheepskin
silentos silencers
snow apes
snow bunnies
seasonedn’t
snicker lickers
snow opossum
snow rat
snow roach
snow toads
snow worm
sour cream gorillas
sour cream n onion
sour cream snakes
sour patch pilgrims
styrofoam balls
snow tribe
stanky ashes
silverfish mutations
styrofoam sickness
sundown sisters
sun poisoned serpents
𝐓
table salt tammies
teabag trespassers
thin lipped chalk child
tighty whitey
toilet paper travellers
toilet seat
teabag trespassers
translucent powder
translucent troglodyte
translucent tyrants
𝐔
useless crayon
uncoloured orangutan
uncoloured skittles
untitled document
undeveloped sperm
unedited google docs
unseasoned chicken
unused pad
unwhipped cream
𝐕
vanilla pudding cups
vanilla cricket
vanilla gorillas
vanilla vultures
vanilla villagers
vanilla wafers
volcano ash
𝐖
walking recessive genes
wendigos
wiggerely wiggers
whipped cream armadillos
white board
white mutation
white neanderthals
white-out monkeys
white pus
wet dogs
walking dandruff
white trash
wannabe pocs
white tongue
white walker
wonder bread
𝐗
xanax blocks
xenophobic xylophones
𝐘
y'allternatives / y'allts
yogurts yodellers
yeast yeti
yeast yodellers
𝐙
zebra lacking stripes
zit insides
MOUTH. :)
Discharge Doritos?!?!?!,😭😭😭😭
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YA Vampire Love Story (6/6)
When Tim started at Louis E. Grieve Memorial High School, he’d just wanted to catch a criminal. He wasn’t expecting to find a pair of lifelong friends in Bernard and Darla.
Wait, does it count as lifelong if they stay friends after they die?
Part of my Colony of Gotham universe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Corvid!?”
Tim and Dick dropped their controllers as they looked up at Bernard in shock. Tim jumped off the couch and raced towards him while Dick looked him up and down with a frown.
“He shouldn’t have woken up this quickly,” Dick said to himself.
“How are you feeling? Does anything hurt?” Tim asked, checking Bernard over for a moment before slipping under his arm to help support him. “Let me help you.”
“You’re Corvid.”
Tim looked away. “What are the chances I could convince you it’s cosplay?”
Bernard stared at him.
“Yeah, I figured.” He helped Bernard over to the couch and Dick got up so Bernard could lay down.
“You’re an angel.”
Tim flushed.
Dick snorted and turned towards the kitchen. “I’m going to grab him something to drink.”
“I’m not an angel,” Tim said, sitting next to Bernard’s hip.
“A demon then,” he sighed. It sucked that his theory was wrong, but they couldn’t all be right. “Wait, you’ve listened to me talk about my theories for years and never said anything!”
Tim opened his mouth.
“Hold on, I’d known you for years before Corvid showed up. How does that work?”
Tim closed his mouth and put his face in his hands.
“And what’s the deal with Wayne? Does he know you’re a demon? Is he a demon? Are all your siblings demons? Oh my God! Your whole family’s the Colony! But how can Wayne be a demon? He had parents. Well-known parents from a well-known family. Was he possessed? Are you possessed? Should I call Darla?”
“I thought you explained it to him before you turned him,” Dick said, coming out with a steaming mug.
Flinching, Tim moved his hands from holding his face to tugging on his hair. “I might have just told him he was going to change, but not what he was, you know, going to change into, exactly.”
“Tim!”
“I told you I wasn’t thinking straight. He was dying and I had to move fast.”
Dick pinched the bridge of his nose and passed Bernard the mug, which looked and smelled exactly like what had been in the IV.
“What is this?”
Dick gave Tim a pointed look.
“Blood,” Tim said, face blank.
Bernard tried to pass the cup back to Dick. “I’m good.”
“It’ll help you feel better,” Tim insisted.
“I know you grew up with stuff like blood pudding and old British home remedies, but -”
“Actually, Tim grew up almost entirely on human blood and coffee,” Dick snorted and Tim jabbed him in the side.
“Oh. Uh, yeah, that makes sense.” Right, Tim was a demon. Demons would eat… yeah.
Tim sighed. “Bernard, I’m not-My family aren’t demons. Or angels or anything like that. Bruce just played it up when people started saying Batman was a demon because of the fear it inspired. We can’t do all the stuff people seem to think we can, like traveling through shadows or ripping our heads off and putting them back on. It’s just a lot of training and makeup.”
“Robin can move so fast it’s like he’s in two places.”
“Carrie and Damian are both Robin. Robin has mostly been two people ever since Jay and I shared the role after I joined the family.”
“Batgirl can turn invisible.”
“Cloaking device.”
“You can fly.
“Jetpack.”
“Nightwing has no bones.”
“Dick’s just like that.”
“Lark can see the future.”
“Oh, Duke actually can do that. He’s a meta with photokinetic abilities,” Dick chimed in. “He’s the light sheep of the family, if you will.”
Tim jabbed him again.
“So most of the Colony are just normal humans.” That was certainly not an idea he’d ever considered or heard of. It explained how fit Tim’s family was, though, and quite a few other things too. “But then what did you mean about changing me? And what’s with the blood?”
“I didn’t say we were human,” Tim argued. “We’re just a lot lower on the power scale and we don’t really use what little powers we do have in the field.”
“So you’re metas?” But then why act like Duke was the exception.
“No, we’re, uh… vampires.”
Bernard stared at Tim for a moment, then looked up at Dick.
He gave a comforting smile, which showed off a pair of fangs.
“Tim, I’ve seen you out during the day before,” Bernard said slowly. Then the blood left his face. “Wait, was Stephenie Meyer right?”
Dick burst out laughing.
“Please don’t ever say that in Jason’s presence,” Tim begged, pushing his brother away when he tried to use him as a crutch. “Sunlight doesn’t affect us at all. We do lose our powers during the day, though, which is where the idea of us being creatures of the night came from.
“No sparkles,” Dick cackled with a nod.
“Jason’s going to fill your bed with glitter again,” Tim hissed.
“And I’ll rock it again.”
“But will Artemis?”
Dick flinched as he sobered up.
Bernard looked between them with a frown. He still had so many questions, but first, “So that explains the blood, but not the saving me thing.”
“I turned you,” Tim said. “It was the only way to save you.”
“But I can’t be turned.”
The brothers stared at him.
“What do you mean?” Tim asked.
“Remember how you bailed on Easter horror night?”
“You guys celebrate Easter with horror movies?” Dick muttered.
“Jesus rose from the grave so I suggested we watch zombie movies to celebrate. You know, in respect to their religions,” Tim explained to his brother quickly before turning back to his friend. “In my defense, Joker had hidden egg bombs all over the city so it was all hands on deck. I didn’t want to ditch you guys.”
“Okay, but since you weren’t there we decided to play a drinking game. Then we were watching Zombienie and I just-I was really drunk so I started getting upset and worrying about getting bit by a zombie. I was freaking out and Darla, in her infinite drunk wisdom, said she could place an enchantment on me that would protect me against any kind of minor contagious magic. Like zombies and vampires and werewolves and stuff. Then she did it.”
“You-She-Why didn’t you tell me?” Tim asked.
“I did. I called you while we were doing it. Remember?”
Tim raised an eyebrow. “I remember getting a call from you about how you’d never have to eat my brains now. And when I tried to get you to clarify, you just said something about my brains being big and tasty before hanging up.”
Blushing, Bernard bit his lip. Had he said that? “Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“So, wait, if you were enchanted, how did Tim turn you?” Dick asked.
“He couldn’t have,” Bernard argued.
Tim stared into the distance for a moment before jumping to his feet. He raced over to the laptop on the dining room table and started typing on it. A moment later Bernard heard a call being placed.
“Hey, Tim,” Darla answered. “Have you heard anything about Bernard? I should be able to get to Gotham by lunch tomorrow, then I’ll tear that Chaos Monster to shreds.”
“It’s okay. Bernard’s here. But, uh, hypothetically, would the enchantment you placed on Bernard to protect him from contagious magic end when he died?”
Bernard frowned when Dick stiffened, but stayed quiet.
“… What happened?”
“I said hypothetically.” When she didn’t respond, Tim said, “Long story. I promise I’ll tell you later if you just answer the question.”
“… I can’t believe you two. Bernard finally asks you out and you two pull this. Yes, it would end the moment he died. I expect a full explanation when I get there, Wayne.”
“Yep, got it. Thanks, Darla.” Tim hung up.
“You two were on a date?” Dick asked, voice blank.
“Is that really what you want to talk about right now?” Tim groaned and pressed his face into the table.
Dick threw his hands in the air. “You’d rather talk about how you made a strigoi.”
“I didn’t mean to!”
“What’s a strigoi?” Bernard asked.
“It’s a zombie vampire.”
The three spun around to see Red Hood leaning against the door to the balcony, his muzzle hanging from his hip and his voice distinctly Jason’s.
“How long have you been there?”
“Just got here. Oracle sent me over to see how you’re doing, but I’m guessing blondy asking about strigoi means the answer is not well.”
Dick started for the door. “I’ll catch the others up with what I know while you talk to Bernard.”
Tim didn’t respond. He didn’t even move until the balcony door shut behind his brothers. He came back over to the couch and sat down next to it. He grabbed the mug off the coffee table and fiddled with it for a second before handing it to Bernard.
The blond stared down at the blood. “I’m a zombie vampire?” Did that mean he only ate zombie brains?
“No, ignore Jason.”
“Then what’s a strigoi?”
“It’s-If a human dies after getting bitten by a vampire, there’s a very, very small chance they can come back as a strigoi. It doesn’t happen if that person had started turning or more than five hours had passed since the bite, and the chances are one in fifty, but it can happen. Strigoi don’t have anything in common with zombies except the coming back to life thing, but plenty of other things also involve coming back to life so Jason was just being a jerk.”
“So strigoi are just undead vampires? But aren’t all vampires undead?”
Tim shook his head. “Another misconception. Mostly because strigoi and vampires often get combined or are considered two of a kind, even by people who know about all this stuff.”
“So what’s the difference then?”
“Strigoi drink blood like vampires, but they -- you -- don’t need as much. It’s because we need to get nutrients from the blood while you're only supplementing your life energy. So if you’re injured, you’ll need more to heal yourself. You’ll also need normal food daily like a human, unlike us. We're both able to transform into an animal from a group that’s natural to our kind, but only we can influence our sister animals. Our strength, speed, and senses are slightly better than a human’s, but yours will be the same as they’ve ever been. In return, you can heal faster than we can and you have the ability to turn invisible. Something to do with manipulating life energy as light, I think. Alfred would be able to explain it better.”
“Ok.” That was… a lot. He took a sip without thinking and was surprised when he didn’t taste blood. The taste was as indescribable as the smell, but it was good. He took a few more sips, remembering what Tim had said about feeling better. The pain in his chest did start to lighten and he felt more awake, energized, his thoughts ordering out some. “I’ve got a lot of questions.”
“I figured.”
“But first, is there something wrong with me being a strigoi? Dick looked kind of freaked.”
“No, it’s not you. Being a strigoi is fine. It’s making a strigoi that has a bit of a stigma. A strigoi’s death isn’t always an accident.”
Bernard had grown up in Gotham. He knew there were messed-up people out there. “Vampires have killed people trying to make a strigoi.”
“People have killed a lot of people trying to make a strigoi. It’s not always the vampire’s fault and it’s not the only way strigoi come about, but there’s always this worry whenever one pops up. Dick’s just worried I could get into trouble. It should be fine, though. Jason Blood’s the resident overseer and he’s friends with Bruce so he’ll hear us out. The Kanes might kick up a fuss, but they don’t like us at the best of times so there’s nothing new there.”
“There’s a vampire called Jason Blood?”
“Oh, he’s not a vampire. Let’s just say he’s got more in common with Darla and leave it at that. Not my story to tell.”
Bernard nodded and took another sip from the mug. Then he realized something. “Have you guys ever taken a bite of the guys you fight?”
“Excluding B’s whole thing with Selina?” Tim deadpanned and it hit Bernard that Selina Kyle-Wayne was Catwoman. Either that or Bruce was cheating, but he was guessing the former considering just how many cats she and Damian had. “Would you want to put your mouth on any of them?”
“Well, Deadshot’s kind of a DIL-”
“Bernard!”
“And I’m straight, but Poison Ivy -”
“No! The answer’s no! Please stop talking!” Tim groaned and Bernard snickered into his mug. He was so cute when he got flustered. “We don’t feed on any of them! It’s unhygienic and who knows what they’ve got flowing in their veins! We stick to the blood we buy from a bank!”
“So you’ve never fed on a person, then?”
“Not any more than what gets in my mouth during a quick bite, no. Dick has and I think Bruce and Kate might have too during their travels, but I don’t think any of the rest have.”
Bernard hummed. “So you guys are proper, civilized vampires then?”
“Yeah,” Tim snorted.
“But you guys only drink human blood? Are you not able to drink animal blood?”
Tim made a so-so motion. “For both vampires and strigoi, it works similar to how xenotransfusion works for humans. There are only a few kinds of animals we can drink from, mostly apes and pigs. Anything else would make us sick. Drinking too much animal blood can also have adverse reactions and there isn’t a need. Blood shortages happen, but not often thanks to modern medicine and we’ve got the benefit of not having to worry about things like blood types.”
Bernard nodded.
“I’m sorry,” Tim said, staring at his lap. “I should have talked to you about all this before I turned you.”
“Hey, no. Tim, I was dying. I did die.” That was also something he’d have to think about, later. “You saved me. That’s what matters. Besides, I knew you were going to do something to change me and this -” he shook his mug a little “- is weird, but not anywhere as bad as Darla’s heart almost being taken over by demonic magic. It’s all good, Tim. Promise.”
Tim gave him a shaky smile and Bernard returned it with a more genuine one.
He grabbed Tim’s hand and brought it to his lips, fighting back a smile at the blush that took over Tim’s face.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Darla pushed past Tim when he let her into his apartment.
Bernard was sitting on the couch with a steaming mug and looked up with a smile when she came in.
“How was your guys’ date?”
Tim choked and Bernard’s grin grew.
“Is that really the first thing you want to know?” Tim asked.
“You’re both alive and in one piece, so yes. We can discuss Tim’s concerning call and who I need to kill later.”
“You don’t need to kill -”
“How’d the date go?” she cut across Tim and he gave up with a sigh.
“I got kidnapped,” Bernard pointed out.
“I meant before you got kidnapped, obviously,” she huffed and dropped into an armchair. “How was it going?”
Bernard opened up his mouth, but Tim spoke first.
“I didn’t know it was a date.”
The two stared at him blankly.
He shrugged. “Sorry?”
She pulled her phone out. “I need to text Stephanie.”
“Don’t you dare!”
“Tim, I asked you to dinner,” Bernard said, watching as Tim stole Darla’s phone.
“I thought it was just us going out as friends.”
“If I wanted to go out as friends, I would have suggested Batburguer, not an upscale bar.”
She shook her head. “You two. I should have known you’d mess this up without me. Did you even bring Tim flowers, Bernard?”
“What? Me? Why do I have to be the one to bring flowers?”
“Because you asked him out! I guess that answers my question, though.” She tried to get her phone back, but Tim kept it out of her reach and dodged when she tried to grab it with magic. “Wayne! Give me back my phone!”
“Not if you’re going to text Steph about this!”
“She’s going to find out eventually!”
“Only if you tell her!”
She crossed her arms. “And why shouldn’t I?”
Tim sighed and sat down on the arm of the couch. “What do you want?”
“I want Metropolis’s number.”
“Metropolis?”
“Tall, pale, and handsome in the leather jacket.”
“Superboy?” Tim teased.
She rolled her eyes.
“Wait, do you know Superboy?” She turned to see Bernard staring off into space. “Oh my God! How many superheroes do you know?”
Tim rubbed a hand down his face. “Bernard joined a cult and got stabbed in the heart, and we’re discussing my connections? Seriously?”
“You what!?” She rushed to Bernard’s side and started checking him over.
“You’ll pay for this, Wayne,” he hissed over her shoulder before smiling at her. “I’m fine, really.”
“You got stabbed. In the heart. ”
“Yeah, but I got better.”
She turned to Tim.
“He’s a strigoi.”
“Dying is not getting better!” she snapped, turning back to Bernard.
“That’s rich coming from a fellow zombie.”
“I was not fine after coming back. I was the opposite of fine. I nearly tried to kill Robin, remember?”
His eyes widened and darted to Tim. “Oh my God! She-That was…”
“Bette and I at the time,” Tim finished.
“And she was head over heels for you. That must have been-Wait, Bette? But she’s a girl.”
“So’s Steph and Carrie.”
“I completely forgot you said Carrie was working with Damian. And Steph too? Isn’t that weird?”
“Probably would have been if it’d been Jason and it got a little weird during Duke’s year for multiple reasons, but we make it work.”
“What are you guys talking about?” Darla asked, looking between the two.
“Tim’s a vampire.”
“Tim’s whole family are vampires, what’s your point? Wait,” she turned to Tim, “you’re the one who turned him? Why would bite him knowing he couldn’t be turned? I’d think it was a kink but you didn’t know you guys were on a date.”
“I didn’t know he couldn’t be turned,” Tim groaned.
“Bernard told me he was going to tell you about the enchantment.”
“He was drunk.”
She nodded. “That explains it.”
“Rude,” Bernard muttered. He poked Tim in the side. “How come you told her you were a vampire?”
“I didn’t, and that’s a good point,” Tim said. “Since when did you know we were vampires?”
“Zatanna told me.”
“That snitch!”
“So what exactly happened? Why’d you get stabbed and why were you close enough to help?”
Bernard bit his lip and looked up at Tim. “How much can we tell her?”
“All of it, actually. Something happened this winter while B and Selina were on their honeymoon and, well, I’ve been meaning to tell you both. I didn’t want to do it over the phone, though, and getting us all in the same place has been difficult. And there was no way I was going to deal with one of you guys getting mad if the other found out first.”
“Are you sure Zatanna didn’t snitch about this too?”
“Considering she doesn’t know? Yeah, I’m pretty sure.”
“What are you guys talking about?” Darla asked, narrowing her eyes.
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names for the white ones 😋
@katsdni
𝐀
albino monkey
albedo
absence of color
arctic menace
alabaster geckos
albino skinwalker
ashewo
ash crickets
amebo
aje
ashiere
arindin
apoda
𝐁
baby powder
baking soda slugs
beach flamingos
birch trees
borax bites
bleached cheezits
bird caca
blanco bullies
bleached flip flops
baboons without fur
bland baboons
bleach demons
blizzard bliss
blancs
bone thugs
borax bats
𝐂
cauliflower conquerers
cauliflower pigeons
chrome startup screen
cauliflower crunchers
casper crickets
condensation calamities
chewed spearmint gum
coleslaw
columbus cadets
cave dwellers
chalk children
chalk chihuahuas
chalk chimps
ceiling fan
cloudy with a chance of colonization
children of the chalk
clear people
cultureless neanderthals
cum stain
cum skinned goblins
cigarette buds
cocaine monkey
coconut cocoos
coconut shavings
cornstarch crusaders
cotton ball flies
cotton swabs
cumstaint colonizers
colonizer
colombochauns
colourless cockroaches
corn starch
cousin lovers
cream cheese
cream confederate
crystal methamphetamine powdered iguanas
christopher columbus stans
casper the ghost
cracker barrel
cement walls
cloud chompers
cheese curds
clorox conquerors
cherry gatorade
crest extreme whitening toothpaste
culture vultures
cornstarch snakes
chlorine community
𝐃
dandruff clumps
discord light mode
death eaters
discharge doritos
discharge snow drop
discharge donkeys
discharge stains
discharge cosplay
discharge doggies
discharge gremlins
dandruff flakes
dove soap
default paint
deodorant stain
dog daters
dog kissers
dry chicken munchers
dry wall
dust mites
dutch dummies
𝐄
enemy of the sun
elmers glue
elbow ash
eggplant without the skin
eqinsu ocha
expired cheese
expired milk
𝐅
feta cheese folks
flavourless oatmeal
flavourless twinkies
flashback mary
flour fleas
flour power
frost feind
frosted opossums
foam cups
funky dime smelling bitch
𝐆
greek yogurt
garlic goblin
ghost thugs
gora (horse in Hindu)
grandpa’s pubes
𝐇
hueless crayons
hueless hooligans
high spf sun factor 50/50
𝐈
ice chimp
ice mice
iron golems
infecting wipes
iphone chargers
iphone light mode
ivory individuals
ice scorpions
inkless markers
𝐉
jeff the killers
jizzy delinquents
jar of mayo
jackie crackies
jelly babies with too much powder
𝐊
keeho’s white wall
ku klux karen
ku klux kleenex
kleenex klumps
𝐋
la llorona
lice attractors
lice breeders
lice factories
light mayonnaise
light mode
livestock
low fat milks
𝐌
marshmallow fellows
maggots
marshmallow minions
milk crickets
milk man
milk maggots
milk muncher
modge podge
minecraft ghast
milk beetle
mozzarella cheese
mayo packets
mayo monkeys
mayo skunk
mayosapiens
mcdonald’s cup lid
mayonnaise murderers
melaninly challenged
mosquito larvae
𝐍
no seasoning seagulls
no purpose flour
nail clippings
naked rambutan
napkin american
𝐎
oyinbo
ode oshi
omo ale
ori buruku
oniranu
onisekuse
ode buruku
ode
obun
oloshi
olodo
𝐏
palm coloured ones
paperback
paper people
people of colonial complexion
people of no colour
pillsbury dough boys
pillsbury pillager
pigment challenged beast
pink africans
powdered donuts
popcorn ceiling
powder rangers
powdered crickets
powdered roaches
porcelain possums
poorly powdered doughnuts
printer paper
plain toast
polar bears
privileged primates
pwc(people without color)
peeled chicken nuggets
𝐐
q-tips
quails without color
𝐑
rabies foam
ranch guzzlers
ranch opossum
ranch raccoons
ranch rats
ranch roach
rice rats
rice rascals
𝐒
salt rocks
saltine cracka
salt shaker
salty scallywags
saltine
sand crabs
seasonably challenged people
sentient snowmen
sheepskin
silentos silencers
snow apes
snow bunnies
seasonedn’t
snicker lickers
snow opossum
snow rat
snow roach
snow toads
snow worm
sour cream gorillas
sour cream n onion
sour cream snakes
sour patch pilgrims
styrofoam balls
snow tribe
stanky ashes
silverfish mutations
styrofoam sickness
sundown sisters
sun poisoned serpents
𝐓
table salt tammies
teabag trespassers
thin lipped chalk child
tighty whitey
toilet paper travellers
toilet seat
teabag trespassers
translucent powder
translucent troglodyte
translucent tyrants
𝐔
useless crayon
uncoloured orangutan
uncoloured skittles
untitled document
undeveloped sperm
unedited google docs
unseasoned chicken
unused pad
unwhipped cream
𝐕
vanilla pudding cups
vanilla cricket
vanilla gorillas
vanilla vultures
vanilla villagers
vanilla wafers
volcano ash
𝐖
walking recessive genes
wiggerely wiggers
whipped cream armadillos
white board
white mutation
white neanderthals
white-out monkeys
white pus
wet dogs
walking dandruff
white trash
wannabe pocs
white tongue
white walker
wonder bread
𝐗
xanax blocks
xenophobic xylophones
𝐘
y'allternatives / y'allts
yogurts yodellers
yeast yeti
yeast yodellers
𝐙
zebra lacking stripes
zit insides
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The rest of this post (quotes from the article) is under a cut due to length. [source]
(There are discussions of colonialism under the cut / in the article.)
After speaking to various devs who worked on MEA I’ve learned quite a bit about what happened here. First of all, there were several more species designed for this galaxy. One writer lists having proposed “five or six” new alien types, while another states that the ones BioWare opted for in the end were specifically chosen for being in “cosplay-safe” territory. Another dev mentions that an entire system was constructed just to facilitate communication between species who were indigenous to Andromeda and those who had arrived from the Milky Way. The “species who were indigenous to Andromeda” part is important, given that there were also different ideas for how to handle first contact - making the Pathfinder a violent colonist who shoots first and asks questions later wasn’t something that was set in stone from the get-go.
“I think it was a project that couldn't have possibly lived up to expectations,” Neil Pollner tells me. Pollner was a senior writer on Mass Effect 3 before going on to write parts of Andromeda. “Not just the high bar of the original trilogy, but the logical expectations anyone would have of Mass Effect going to a whole new galaxy. Because the scope of [the first] Mass Effect was so incredibly massive, there was an inherent promise that you'd be getting a massive new experience with a ton of new things in [what was supposed to be the first] Mass Effect Andromeda - new species, new lore, an entire new galaxy at your fingertips, etc.
“But we were only given the budget for two new species, plus the Remnant. Not to mention that we couldn't even include all the Milky Way species. And we weren't going to be able to let you travel throughout the galaxy. This meant that we had to develop the story around some pretty glaring inorganic limitations. So, not only did you get something that felt (and was) much smaller than what you got before, almost everyone playing the game probably had something that they really liked about Mass Effect that just wasn't there.”
Pollner goes on to explain something I mentioned above - that there’s an inherent disconnect between making your character an explorer in a game where the vast majority of gameplay involves killing. “Ryder the explorer should have a challenging and dynamic first contact experience,” he explains. “Instead, you're almost immediately killing kett. So, some very basic pillars just weren't lining up.”
When I ask about the fact that several species had apparently been cut from the game - something I had already learned in previous interviews - Pollner assures me that I had “no idea” of what was dropped in the early days of Andromeda. He also lamented the iconic narrative and branching complexity of earlier BioWare games, stating that he wishes the team had been able to maintain the same level of variation, options, and consequences as the revered RPGs the studio was known for.
“The other BioWare Montreal writers and I were dreaming up and developing things for Andromeda months ahead of Edmonton officially starting the project - i.e. before the budget and scope had been decided/communicated,” Pollner says. “We just knew that we were going to Andromeda, with almost nothing else established, including even when in the timeline it would happen. And we set out to brainstorm and grow ideas that could organically serve that general premise. “That first contact expectation I mentioned? We'd developed ideas for how the player would navigate that. We were working on a process for the Milky Way species to learn how to even communicate with the new alien species. We were developing several additional species for the new galaxy, as well as several different storylines for why the expedition had been undertaken. Most of that pre-development work ended up not being used.”
“I proposed five or six new alien species when Andromeda was in its infancy, and I still think they had a ton of potential,” Hepler says. “[Ex-BioWare writer] Jo Berry came up with a few, too, they were awesome.
“However, I'm pretty sure those ideas are still property of BioWare, so even though I'm 100% certain they won't be used, I can't talk about them without getting some kind of permission.”
Given that Pollner had his own ideas for new species, and that Hepler had “five or six” on top of a “few” more from Berry, it’s reasonable to conclude that concepting was done for up to ten additional species that never made it into Andromeda.
“I remember some early concepts that were pretty out there,” Dorian Kieken tells me. Kieken was a design director at BioWare Montreal for Mass Effect 2 and 3 before being promoted to franchise design director at the beginning of Andromeda’s development. “One of the strengths of the original Mass Effect trilogy is that you can actually cosplay most of the alien characters - except the Hanar, although I wouldn't underestimate the creativity of some cosplayers. The intention in Mass Effect Andromeda was to introduce new races that would still be in the realm of cosplay, which is probably why more crazy concepts were abandoned.”
I was surprised that this was even a consideration, so I followed up. Kieken assures me that after Andromeda’s two new races had been decided on, their evolution of their design gradually went into more “cosplay-safe territory,” with the team consciously steering away from “jellyfish” types of aliens. “In the early development of the game, we explored a lot of new species. I'm not sure why we settled on the specific number that were in the final game, but my guess would be a mix of production reasons and having a reasonable amount of races to deal with knowing we were already bringing quite a few from the Milky Way as well.”
As Pollner mentioned earlier, the team only had the budget for two new species plus the Remnant. On top of that, they weren’t able to bring all of the Milky Way species, which corroborates Kieken’s recollection of why so many species were cut.
Given the context of these conversations - species being cut from Andromeda, first contact being muddled with militance, and even cosplay potential governing alien design - I also ask why, in the devs’ eyes, Andromeda was poorly received in relation to the original trilogy.
“I think it’s more story-related than setting-related,” Kieken says. “Andromeda has strong core gameplay that improved a lot over the trilogy, but the story didn't feel as strong. I didn't connect with the new character cast as much as I did with the original trilogy.
“It's also not a fair comparison as the trilogy is three games, so you have a lot more exposition and time to bond with the characters. That being said, I seem to recall a stronger rollercoaster of emotions in the original trilogy, which I think led to more memorable moments. From the tension of almost blowing up Wrex with your shotgun or gathering everyone on a suicide run, to the lightness of listening to Mordin sing ‘I'm the very model of a scientist Salarian’ or shooting cans with Garrus in the Presidium.”
Pollner also explains why Andromeda was perceived so differently from the original trilogy, citing differences in the amount of time the team were given to make the game, but also noting that the core issue was more systemic in nature.
“I think the thesis statement for why is that the Mass Effect trilogy was an incredibly demanding endeavor,” Pollner says. “The checks that were written for it, the complexity of the experience was insanely massive. The team worked their asses off non-stop for so many years, on back-to-back-to-back games. The prospect of doing the same thing again was not only exhausting to imagine, but totally impractical. Some of the ‘lessons’ learned from the original trilogy are ones that are important for game development but result in the player experience being less. When you're talking about triple-A development, the original trilogy is actually the anomaly, not Andromeda.
“Because I moved on from BioWare after my work on Andromeda was complete, I have no idea what, if any, future plans there might be. At the time of my departure, there were none.”
It’s worth noting that Pollner is clear about Andromeda being better than a lot of people give it credit for. While some of the concerns people had have now been verified by people who worked on the project - that there could have been more species and that the core premise of Ryder the explorer becoming Ryder the killer is inherently flawed - the team still worked hard on delivering an ambitious game within the constraints of what they were given.
“I find the game to actually be pretty darn fun, and once the technical flaws were ironed out, and the initial reactive disappointment faded, the game does stand on its own,” Pollner says. “There's some really good stuff in there.”
[source]
#bioware#mass effect#mass effect: andromeda#video games#colonialism cw#next mass effect#long post#longpost
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Prompt: Cursed
Just a little Pirate cosplay with our two favorite ethereal beings. :)
This is for the Good Omens 30th Anniversary Celebration prompts!
Read all the ones I’ve completed on AO3!
_______________
Aziraphale, dressed in high black boots and tight breeches and a billowing white shirt that was much too clean for his current role as a brigand of the high seas, knelt down to open the first of the chests they’d dug up from the sea cave on the eastern Canadian coast. Inside was a heap of silver and gold coins, badly tarnished, velvet bags of jewelry that would need to be sorted through to see if the items they were looking for were amongst them, and, interestingly, a small black box, on the very top of the pile.
The box was about six inches square, lacquered to a high shine, with a large, heavy looking clasp and no further decoration. It was oddly enticing. Aziraphale forgot what he was doing and made a noise of fascination as he reached for it, picking it up to examine it in the firelight.
“Don’t touch that!” Crowley shouted from beside him.
Something in his tone frightened the angel into immediately dropping it to the ground.
Aziraphale brushed his breeches off in frustration and stood. He flipped up the stupid eye patch from his left eye so he could focus more clearly.
“What is your problem?” he said acerbically.
Crowley paused to wipe the sweat off his face and lean on the shovel handle with his arms. Crowley had been doing most of the digging and the puffy white shirt and red bandana he wore were wet and filthy with sweat and exertion.
“Bad feeling,” the demon said. “I don’t think you should be touching that.”
Aziraphale raised an eyebrow but complied. “Pirate curse?” he asked.
“Something cursed it. Might not’ve been pirates who put it there,” Crowley replied. “Perhaps that’s why they never came back for their treasure, you know? Picked up some cursed loot somewhere, sank to the bottom of the sea.”
Aziraphale uncapped a wine cask that was slung at his side and took a long swig. “Why are we digging up these chests, anyway?” he asked for the fourth time. “We could just – you know – miracle them up.”
“Oh, come on, angel,” Crowley said with a grin. “Where’s the fun in that? We went to all the trouble of disguising ourselves as pirates and getting a ship and hiring a crew all to bring us out here to this god forsaken northern island to follow this ridiculous map and try to retrieve the Queen’s jewels, and you want to just cheat on the last step and miracle the booty up out of the ground?”
“Oh sure, now you become a stickler about verisimilitude,” the angel groused, but halfheartedly. He knew Crowley had always wanted to be a pirate. When they’d both gotten orders to retrieve a certain set of stolen jewels for different aims, it seemed like the ideal time to indulge the demon’s long-held fantasy. He hadn’t even made Crowley work that hard to convince him. The 17th century had been rather boring so far, his responsibilities were at a natural lull, and it seemed like a good time for a quick maritime adventure. That said, that didn't mean he was about to shovel.
“So, what’s in the little black box?” Aziraphale said, nudging it with a foot towards the demon.
Crowley poked at it with the shovel. “Not sure,” he said. “Feels demonic. Not entirely sure we should open it.”
“But you’re a demon,” Aziraphale said, frowning. “Surely it’s safe for you.”
“Possibly,” Crowley said, “but you’re here. And I don’t want to let anything in there harm you.”
Aziraphale smiled. “Very thoughtful of you,” he said. “But we’re pirates. We can handle it.”
Crowley frowned and then pointed Aziraphale towards the mouth of the cave. “Stand over there. I’ll raise a shield.”
Aziraphale moved to where he was pointed and watched as Crowley unfurled his wings from the ether and raised a shimmering strip power that acted as somewhat of a barrier between them. He placed his own body between the angel and the cube, and then prodded at its clasp with his shovel until it sprung open.
A howl filled the cave, along with an amorphous, whirling cloud of vapor that appeared to be screaming. Crowley stepped back, shovel held out defensively and his attention split between the cloud in front of him and the angel behind him. The cloud whirled and began to condense into the size of a figure, and after a moment it settled down into the recognizable shape of a man.
A man who appeared to be dressed in drab, tan-colored robes, grimy and in poor repair, with gloved fingers riddled with holes and his white shock of hair standing up in spikes. Aziraphale blinked in surprise – he’d seen this person before, he was sure of it. It wasn’t until the face came into focus with its smear of boils and the grubby toad on his head that he knew for sure who it was. It was the demon who he’d run across once or twice in the last few centuries – what was his name? He knew it, it was right on the tip of his tongue –
“HASTUR!” Crowley shouted. “What in the name of – what were you doing locked up in a box?”
Hastur rolled his unkempt head around on his shoulders, producing a series of surprising loud crackles and pops as various muscles and bones clicked back into place. He took a deep breath and looked around him, obviously working to bring his eyes back into focus.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” he said. “Crowley? You’re my rescuer?”
Crowley laughed. “You got yourself captured? How does a Duke of Hell end up locked in a little black box and how did I not hear that you were missing?”
Hastur scowled. “What year is it?”
“1680 something,” Crowley said. “When were you taken?”
“About a decade ago,” Hastur said. “Idiot magician in the court of Spain accidentally did something right. Put me in that box, laid a curse on it so it couldn’t be opened by mortals. If you hadn’t come along…” He looked around and noted Aziraphale by the cave entrance. “Oh great. An angelic witness. What are you doing consorting with the enemy here? I’ll be sure to report about your bad habits of fraternizing with the enemy when we get back home.”
“Seems to me,” Crowley drawled, “that if we hadn’t come along, you’d still have been stuck in that box for a long time to come. Possibly centuries. The tides here are brutal – no human could have been in here long enough to dig you up without drowning. You owe us.”
Hastur hissed and clenched his fingers into and out of fists, clearly wanting to smite something. A few maggots dripped from one of his hands and burrowed into the sand. “Don’t think you’ll get any favors from me, you colossal moron.”
Crowley grinned. “Well that’s all right then,” he said, picking up the black container. “Let’s just take this box –” he stopped and sniffed it dramatically. “—which, by the way, is full of your psychic residue, absolutely confirms that you were locked inside for a decade. So, let’s just take this and pop back to Hell and update Beelzebub and the council about where you’ve been and how you were stupid enough to get locked in a box by a magician, shall we?”
Hastur paled.
“I’m sure they won’t be too angry,” Crowley continued, syrupy sweet. “Probably only send you to the pits for a few years at most. Been a while since you’ve been flayed, hasn’t it?”
“Fine!” Hastur shouted. “What do you want?”
“I want you to forget that you saw either of us here, and I want no reports made about the angel’s presence. We are both here simply pursuing the orders of our direct superiors, who each have an interest in the contents of these chests. There’s no fraternizing going on.”
“No indeed,” Aziraphale said primly from the entrance. “I don’t care for him at all. He’s quite an arse.”
Hastur smirked. “You’re right on that front.”
Crowley made a feint at Aziraphale with the shovel, just for effect, and snarled convincingly. “Please. Like I’d hang out with him. He’s a total drip.”
Aziraphale looked up towards the heavens in his best long-suffering manner.
“So?” Crowley said, flourishing the box. “Are we heading to the dark council right now, or do we have a deal?”
Hastur sighed. “Yes, fine, I won’t say a word about the suspicious circumstances I found you in. In return, you give me the box.”
“Ohhhhh no,” Crowley said, “I don’t think so.” He made a hand motion and the box disappeared, tucked neatly into a small pocket dimension where he kept one of his stashes of valuable things. “I’m keeping it for insurance. Because I don’t trust you, Hastur. Not for one second.”
“That’s the first sensible thing you’ve said all day, Crawly,” Hastur sneered. “Should never trust another demon. Stay away from me from here on out, all right?”
He stood up more fully and brushed off his clothing, assembled his tattered robes into something approaching order, and offered them both an insincere and disturbing wave, and melted into the ground.
The last thing they saw was his toad, eyeing them suspiciously, and then that too was gone.
Crowley whacked the ground where Hastur had disappeared with the belly of the shovel. “Good riddance,” he muttered. He dropped the wings and his power and turned to Aziraphale. “Safe now, you can come back in.”
“That was… surprising,” the angel said mildly. “Thanks for stopping me from setting him free myself. One of us would have ended up smiting the other, for sure.”
“Wouldn’t have really minded if it was you smiting him,” Crowley said with a grin. “As long as it didn’t start some long, drawn out war.”
“Well,” the angel said, “shall we get back to it? The crew is probably near onto mutiny by now; if we take much longer we will be flying home.”
Crowley picked up the shovel again and spaded it down into the sand. “On it, angel,” he said, flinging a shovel-full of sand into the corner. “Just a few more feet and we’ve got the second chest. We’ll take them back to the ship and sort it all out there.”
“On the way home, perhaps we can stop at that former Viking colony on the big island up north? I hear there are mermaids about!” Aziraphale said. “Oh, and perhaps we can magic up some proper tea and some little cakes for the trip?”
“You’re a horrible pirate, Aziraphale,” the demon said. “Just the worst.”
#goc2020#good omens fanfiction#Aziraphale x crowley#are pirates!#pirate AU kind of#not really an AU#ineffable husbands#hastur
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Help us help abonded and endangered Children in the San Antonio are this Nov at Otakufair x GaMExpo 2017 For more info please visit www.facebook.com/colonydropcosplay
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Dark Crystal Age of Resistance ep 8 liveblog
“Prophets Don’t Know Everything”
That’s a funny line considering that the prophecy was exactly right in the Dark Crystal movie but Aughra comes up with another prophecy in the sequel comic which is also exactly right but she doesn’t understand it herself until it starts coming true. So, yes, prophets don’t know everything. But prophecy probably does.
Just a stream of thoughts.
Hey, this is a bummer. Aftermath of spider eradication of an entire gelfling tribe is a huge bummer. I’m brave enough to say it.
Aughra starts yelling at the spider that tried to take over her body last episode. And then helps patch it up anyway because she cares for all the creatures of Thra, even the jerks.
“It’ll leave a scar but scars are good. The mind forgets but scars remember.”
Apparently if the spider had succeeded in taking her over, its tiny brain would have exploded. Good to know!
LANDSTRIDER
Oh, its Seladon. And she’s seeing the wiped out village and going ‘serves you right you dinks’
Oh she’s trying to arrest Aughra for dunking on her. And then she’s like did your prophecies predict this?
Yes, she did. She tried to warn Maudra Fara but all Maudras are kind of dumb.
Oh, nice trick. She slipped her eye into Seladon’s pocket to spy on the castle.
“Don’t worry, Mother Aughra. I’ll convince the Lords to show mercy on you. And your treasonous pets.” Oh Seladon, you sure don’t have the right idea of your relationship with the Skeksis.
Hi SkekSil!
He’s explaining his evil plan to the science slaves with the sewed up mouths because he knows that they can’t tell on him. You’re a weird one, Sil.
Oh, he’s buying their double silence in exchange for him freeing them.
He’s going to get them to replace the General’s allotted vial of essence with a substitute so General will get weak.
The Hunter took off with Brea and Rian wants to go rescue her but Heretic is like NO GO GET THE GLAIVE YOU DUMB IDIOT
Aww Hup is injured and is out of action and so is the Archer.
Just Rian and Deet now.
The Heretic shows them a secret tunnel to the Breath of Thra. Which is something that Deet knows about.
Awwww Heretic and the Wanderer are wishing Rian and Deet luck and to not get killed. Because they want to be one one day.
... I really hope that they’re actually alive by the time of the movie and get to fuse.
So after all the discrimination that Deet has faced for being a Grotten she smugly reveals that Grottan have mean names for the other Gelfling too like Daylighter and Sky Baby. Which she reveals by teasing Rian. Okay then.
Deet: -grabs Rian and jumps down a pit-
Rian: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”
Deet: “Don’t do that it aggros the bats”
So the spiders just brought the Gelfling to the castle to be drained all in one batch? INstead of using them as an army to capture other Gelfling? Sure, guys, sure.
Scientist: “I have strapped countless Gelflings into these chairs. And I was equally unmoved by their screams!”
Oh the guard that sold out the other guards is getting drained too. Rewarded as a traitor deserves I see.
Scientist: “The only mercy I have to offer…. Is death!”
I have to say. The Gelflings exploding at the end of being drained. That feels like youre losing something somewhere along the process. Like waste heat but soul goo.
So Chamberlain is cut off from essence because the Emperor is mad at him. But I bet he’s going to get the General’s share on the dl. That sneaky.
Deet and Rian arrive at her home cave and WHOOPS its being attacked by spiders.
Everything is awful everywhere.
Oh geez. There’s that minor arachnophobia again.
OH GEEZ GELFLINGS BEING TAKEN OVER BY SPIDERS AGAIN
Scientist: “Keep up you lackadaisical lumps!” Good alliteration, Tek.
Scientist’s two assistants just made the swap.
So with entire villages being taken, I feel like the Skeksis are really in danger of overgrazing.
Emperor: “Look at you yelling and gorging! This essence was hard won by! Lets not drink it all at once! … JUST KIDDING DIG IN”
And another Skeksis bacchanalia.
Scroll-Keeper: “My eyes! They’re working again! I’ve forgotten how ugly you all are!”
Skeksis: -laugh uproariously-
Emperor: “.... what?”
Ritual-Keeper is going to make a new ritual for drinking essence. It will involve a lot of bathing. Just guzzling essence in the bath I guess.
Oh no, Seladon just arrived.
And the Skeksis are not responding well to her new look.
Seladon: “I’m here to ask you spare the Stonewood”
Emperor: “Uh…. no”
Seladon: “I understand but the other clans have remembered their place so surely they’ll be spared your wrath”
Emperor: “...... No”
And the Skeksis just straight up revealing that they have been draining Gelfling is what it finally takes for Seladon to realize sense-
NOPE SHE DECIDES TO KEEP OFFERING THEM TRIBUTE
Emperor: “Uhhhhhhhhhh….. No!”
And then she asked the Skeksis to spare her sisters if no one else. You can guess what the response is. Its a no and laughing.
And then they take her crown and mock her. Because nothing like insult to insult.
And then she asks for mercy and they tear her Skeksis cosplay apart and take her to be drained. Because. All of Seladon’s hopes and dreams have to be crushed. And also because we gotta get that reference to the movie in.
SkekSil is probably just glad its not him this time. Its usually him.
I’m glad Aughra is crying for Seladon because I’m not really.
She Tried and that’s about what I can say.
Also Aughra’s friend spider rescues her eye which falls out of Seladon’s pocket during the ruckus.
Back over at the caves, Deet’s home is destroyed. Her family is gone. She has two dads apparently. That’s neat but sucks that they’re drunk.
You know what I mean.
Oh hey its Deet’s brother Bobb’n! He’s controlled by spider!
Deet is trying to negotiate with the face hugging spider.
He just starting freaking out and hissing so I don’t think its going GIANT SPIDER OH GOD
And there goes spiderbrother.
And there goes Deet after Bobb’n.
NURLOC
DARKENED NURLOC HOH SHIT
ITS TRYING TO EAT EVERYONE
Rian: “Hey! Look at me! You hungry? I’m a much tastier Gelfling!”
That’s a brave thing you just did there Rian. And I’m sure you are pretty tasty.
Oh the General is blaming the Scientist for the essence not working for him.
Except Scientist has been drinking his essence and the General hasn’t so the Scientist is the jock here and bullies General right back.
Chamberlain breaks up the fight because I’m sure he has some angle but I think its so he can laugh at both sides internally
OH HI HUNTER
Wow he makes an entrance, dragging in some chains and pincushioned by arrows.
I think…. He just dropped dead?
No, he’s alive.
But a Skeksis seeming to die makes a huge stir.
Back in the tunnels of underground and Deet is lost
OH RIAN HAS BEEN SPIDERED
DEET IS ABOUT TO BE SPIDERED
OH and Bobb’n… uh intervenes? The spiders jump off Deet and Rian.
I guess the spiders aren’t so unreasonable? Rian saved Spider-Bobb’n from the nurloc so Bobb’n spared him?
Deet: “He wants us to follow him”
Rian: “What could go wrong” Heh, wRyian.
So Scientist is Bad Bedside Manner but point being the Hunter is going to die.
The Collector assumes that the Gelflings did this and the Skeksis immediately all start losing their shit. ANY ONE OF THEM COULD BE NEXT
I can see why the Emperor is in charge because he’s the only one who’s trying to think of a way to fix things.
He commands that the Hunter be given as much essence as it takes to save him.
Gourmet: “Surely not all of it?”
Ritual-Master: -glares-
Hah.
And then theres a scrabbling in the cage and whoops theres Brea
Scroll-Keeper: “Oh look the clever princess” -throws her in jail-
Brea: “No you can’t do this!”
Scroll-Keeper: “And yet its already done”
Brea: “You’re all monsters!”
Scroll-Keeper: “Have you only just figured that out? Perhaps you are not so clever after all”
Wow the Skeksis really are thrilled to let their jerk flag fly now that they don’t have to be nice to the Gelflings anymore.
Oh cool, Brea got locked up across from Seladon.
This will let them work their shit out.
Seladon: “There was an order to the world… Everything worked… Until you and your friends broke it!”
Oh good. She’s still delusional. What does it take to get her to see reality.
Oh hi Spider-Tavra is here too. Its a family reunion.
The most awkward family reunion on Thra.
So the Scientist has poured all the stored essence down the Hunter’s throat. Well most of all. It looks like he’s spilling most of it because those long snouts kind of make it hard.
But the essence isn’t healing him. So the Emperor tells Scientist to drain more Gelfling but the Scientist tells him that there’s a limit to what essence can heal. So Emperor hauls off and hits him.
Dang everyone is so rude to the Scientist.
But he raises the point that if the Gelfling know that Skeksis can die it will mean the end of their rule. I’m not so sure about this but whatever.
Emperor: “Bathe the Hunter in essence if you must! We are immortal at any cost!”
Oh hi Aughra’s Eye. On a spider.
So, huh. Are the arathim a hivemind or what? Because Aughra’s spider seems to be working for her. And Bobb’n saving Rian and Deet.
Bobb’n: “You save our lives, we save yours”
Oh. I guess the arathim are just super into paying back debts.
So the arathim tell Deet that they’re working for the Skeksis in exchange for the Grottan caves which used to be where the arathim lived. Which Deet is like NUH UH THE GROTTAN HAVE ALWAYS LIVED HERE
Uh oh the gelflings did a colonialism.
And the Skeksis helped. Or did it primarily.
The Ascendency, All Arathim as One: “Then the Skeksis came. They demand we serve them. When we refused, they drove us out and gave our caves to more willing subjects.”
So. Like I said, the arathim were ahead of the curve on rebelling against the skeksis but nobody else on Thra stood with them, because horrifying spider people, so after countless years of being considered Public Enemy Number One by everyone the arathim have decided fuck it, we WILL deal with the Skeksis if we get to go home.
This is a complicated issue so good thing that everyone is going to die so we don’t have to deal with it!
Then the Darkened Nurloc kills an arathim and the spider-gelflings start freaking out. Because what one feels the rest feel.
Which sounds like a bad basis for a hivemind.
Rian figures out that the Skeksis must have known about the Darkening being here and that they double crossed the arathim.
But it doesn’t matter because the arathim are trapped in here.
Deet decides that she can get everyone out by talking to the Sanctuary tree.
Deet: “My clan takes our names from these caves. But if you were here first, then you’re Grottan too.”
Aww…. Angry denial to camaraderie in one conversation. We could learn from Deet. Learn something.
Rian asks that the arathim free the Gelflings under their control and fight against the Skeksis with them. Maybe they can together do what the arathim couldn’t do alone!
Probably not! The movie still exists! Nothing here is going to end happily!
But the arathim free the gelfling.
Hey, if the arathim are a hivemind, do the ones in the castle know this is going on too?
Awwwwww Deet’s family is cute.
Wait, is Aughra’s spider still part of the hivemind? Do the Ascendency know everything its been doing?
Oh this is confusing.
But it returns her eye to her finally. She’s just been sitting at the village.
Okay so I guess her spider is part of the hivemind because it tells her about the alliance that just happened.
Aughra: “It’s time to make my move”
THATS A MOVIE QUOTE WHY ARE YOU SAYING IT
Oh this is just so many spiders
I GUESS THE GELFLINGS HAVE AN ARMY NOW!
Deet: “The tide is turning! A resistance is forming!” I should hope so! Its episode 8 into the age of resistance!
Rian: “I have to find the glaive” OH SHIT I FORGOT THAT PLOT POINT WHAT WITH ALL THE SPIDERS
And Rian is like This Is Something I Have To Do On My Own
But then before he can send Deet away, the Nurlocs show up and eat the Sanctuary Tree, trapping her in Rian’s subplot.
I appreciate dunking on the this is something i have to do on my own trope as much as possible but eh getting trapped in Rian’s subplot.
Sanctuary Tree: “The Darkening is pure energy! It cannot be destroyed! Like all energy it can only be transferred!” Some physics in my fantasy. Oh and the Sanctuary Tree uhhhhh uhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh transfer its power to Deet but also shows her a fucked up future with the Garthim and a weird Dark Side Deet and also the movie’s end.
Anyway, tree ded.
So the nurlocs attack. Hey the nurlocs are giant worm things that the Grottan raised. And yeah they’re worms but they’re livestock. This plot is about cows infected with pure evil
Deet stops the rampaging nurloc by absorbing the evil out of it. Even considering how everything is going to end badly, I think Deet is going towards a particularly bad end =(
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Jonathan Groff decides we should take advantage of what might be New York’s last suitable night for al fresco dining in 2019. He sits down at one of a dozen empty tables outside the otherwise packed Hell’s Kitchen bistro and announces, in a tone suggesting more mischief than regret, that he must first make a call.
"Hello," he says, iPhone now at his ear. "Joel Grey?"
Groff is starring in a limited revival of Little Shop of Horrors, and it is a very hot ticket. The Broadway legend on the other end of the line has apparently thrown a Hail Mary in hopes of scoring seats to the night’s sold-out performance. Hamming up this exchange for my amusement, Groff is game to play broker for the Tony and Oscar winner who originated the role of Cabaret’s tuxedoed emcee — and, maybe, anybody else who has his number.
"This is basically my part-time job," says Groff of fielding requests, jotting down credit card information and negotiating pickup times and locations for friends both famous and civilian. "It was the same thing when I was doing Hamilton," he adds of his year playing King George III in Lin-Manuel Miranda’s hip-hop history lesson. "But I was really only onstage for nine minutes during that show, so the tickets were probably full-time."
The 34-year-old actor seems eager to please, not unlike current alter ego Seymour. Little Shop’s nebbish, sweet and ultimately doomed florist nurtures a manipulative plant even as the pet’s homicidal tendencies grow more and more apparent. Those familiar with the campy musical comedy know that it suffers no shortage of blood, but it’s a nursery rhyme compared with Groff’s recent work on truecrime thriller Mindhunter. Playing a curious FBI agent in David Fincher’s Netflix series has perhaps done more for his ascendant profile than anything yet. But two seasons on the drama have meant two nine-month stints in Pittsburgh, filming interrogation scenes with character actors who bear uncanny resemblances to famous serial killers.
So even on a two-show day like this late- October Saturday, the rigors of theater are easy work for Groff. Over a couple of hot toddies, in between humoring three smitten waiters at the restaurant at which he’s been a regular since Little Shop went into previews down the block, the actor appears to be in his element. "Theater is such a communal, familial medium and interactive experience," notes Groff, who says he recognizes faces in the crowd during most performances. "Mindhunter, for me at least, is a very private experience."
Groff plays against type on Mindhunter. Wide-eyed with an almost perpetual grin, his is a mug you wouldn’t be surprised to find in an illustrated Merriam-Webster — cozied up to the entry for "baby face." Much of his previous acting career leaned into this, starting with his breakout. The Pennsylvania native came to New York at 19 and landed the lead in the musical Spring Awakening by the time he was 21. "I was just auditioning for the ensemble of Broadway shows," says Groff. "I hadn’t really developed the taste to appreciate something like Spring Awakening until I was in it."
New York’s "It" Broadway show of the aughts, the rock opera about sexual discovery among 19th century German teenagers earned Groff his first Tony nomination. He spent two years in the production before leaving in 2008, at the same time as friend and co-star Lea Michele, to pursue film and television. The work that immediately followed — Ang Lee’s Taking Woodstock, a recurring spin on Michele’s Fox hit Glee, a supporting role in the second season of Kelsey Grammer’s cult drama Boss, voicework in Disney $1.3 billion smash Frozen (he’ll reprise his role as Kristoff in Frozen 2, out Nov. 22) — got him on the radar for vehicles of his own. When HBO began casting Looking, its 2014 dramedy about a group of gay friends navigating an evolving San Francisco, Groff was soon tapped to front the series.
"He will search for the best version of every scene and will work until everyone drops," says Looking executive producer Andrew Haigh, who cast him as Patrick — boy-nextdoor- ish, like the actor, but privileged and problematically fickle. "He is also wholly unafraid to be vulnerable onscreen."
Looking lasted for only two seasons and a wrap-up movie, and its premature demise allowed Groff to do Hamilton, which he joined while the show was off-Broadway in early 2015, and then made the jump to Broadway. His supporting part as the aforementioned royal — with interstitial lamentations for the seceding Colonies, sung like a lovelorn (and supremely pissed) Davy Jones — earned Groff his second Tony nomination. But Groff wasn’t long for Hamilton, either. He was circling his next TV project, a moody prestige procedural about the early days of the FBI’s Behavioral Science Unit, based on the 1995 memoir Mindhunter by criminal profiler John E. Douglas.
"I’m not naturally a true-crime person. So reading the book, I was like … 'oh, fuck,' "says Groff of John E. Douglas’ memoir 'Mindhunter.'
Mindhunter, the book and the series, delves into the morbid minutiae of notorious murder cases with an emphasis on interviews between law enforcement and criminals in the late 1970s and early 1980s. Groff was in contention for the role of FBI agent Holden Ford, based loosely on Douglas. First, he had to prove to director and executive producer Fincher — a filmmaker long admired by Groff, who says he has "a boner for his brain" — that a jovial Broadway star most widely known for singing with a reindeer in a Disney cartoon could have the upper hand with serial killers.
It was not Groff’s first audition for Fincher. Seven years earlier, he was in the running to play Napster co-founder Sean Parker in The Social Network. "My agents said, 'You have an audition in L.A. with David and Aaron Sorkin,' " Groff recalls. "If you get it, you start rehearsal the next day, so pack your suitcase for two months. They really like your tape, but they’re also considering Justin Timberlake." The part went to Timberlake.
"I did not feel then — and still don’t — that he had the inherent venality for that role," Fincher says of Groff. "He is as decent and sensitive as anyone I’ve ever met."
If venality is off the table for Groff, darkness is not. And though casting the song-anddance man was a source of curiosity for some in Hollywood before Mindhunter’s 2017 debut, the finished product didn’t elicit any skepticism from critics. Over the first season, Groff’s character goes from eager, milkdrinking company boy to a shell of the man introduced in the first episode. He alarms colleagues with the way he mirrors serial killers, until he has a panic attack after getting a bear hug from a necrophile. The second run, equally well reviewed after its August debut, saw a somewhat recovered Holden sit down with Charles Manson and, for the dramatic fulcrum of the season, investigate the Atlanta child murders of 1979-81.
"It is so impossibly bleak that I don’t think about it while I’m doing it," says Groff, who confesses he finds watching the show more affecting than making it. "All due respect to people who feel like the character is inside of them or whatever, but I don’t have that. I would leave set, listen to Beyoncé, and that was it."
After an hour and a half in his company, Groff reveals himself as a Lucille Ball historian, an avid bike rider, a devout New Yorker and someone who doesn’t seem easily bummed out — except when the conversation turns to success. His excitement over landing Mindhunter, he says, was immediately diluted by a pang of sadness. "Whenever something really great happens, it makes me feel a little bit depressed," he says. "It’s like, this is never going to get better than this moment right now. I’m sitting in David Fincher’s office and he’s giving me this role."
Talk of a third season of Mindhunter is on hold while Fincher focuses on his next feature. But the director did take a recent break from Mank, a biopic on Citizen Kane screenwriter Herman Mankiewicz, to attend Groff’s first Little Shop matinee with wife and fellow Mindhunter executive producer Céan Chaffin. It was a surprise appearance, but only because Groff hadn’t been checking his text messages. "I’m not good at my phone," he admits.
Groff has not looked at his phone since that one call — which, while polite, now has him in danger of running late for curtain. He breaks the bad news of his immediate departure to one particularly adoring waiter, and we walk to the stand where his bike is locked. There, he pulls from his bag a cobalt helmet that could double as Tron cosplay. Bars of blinding LED lights on both its front and back, his headgear tells cabs to get the hell out of the way and signals to everybody else that this is a man who values safety over subtlety.
"Yeah, I do really love riding my bike in the city … I’m just not that hard-core," Groff says of the helmet before encasing his tousle of sandy chestnut hair for the one-block ride to the theater and an expectant Joel Grey. "My mom bought this for me."
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Cincinnati comic expo panels
#CINCINNATI COMIC EXPO PANELS PROFESSIONAL#
I don’t have a ton of stuff, though, so you should probably drop everything you’re doing and go get in line right now. My schedule looks shockingly similar to this:Ħ-7PM: Panel – “Is Casual Killing Core Games?” in the Raven Theater. This should be an interesting conversation. I don’t think casual is killing core gaming at all, but I’m interested to hear from people who think it is, and tell them why they’re so very very wrong.ġ1:30-12:30: “The Wil Wheaton Panel!” in the Serpent Theater. I’m going to be honest: I don’t think a lot of people are going to come to this. There are two absolutely awesome panels at the same time, including Family Feud with Gabe and Tycho, and if the panel didn’t have my name in it, I would skip it, too. However, for those of you who will be in attendance, due to your sacred vow to never watch Family Feud, I’ll be reading from Happiest Days and Sunken Treasure, wand I’ll do a Q&A if there’s enough interest. We always have fun, and we float, Georgie! We all FLOAT DOWN HERE!) and it will be awesome. I reserve the right to bail on signings early if nobody’s there, and stay a little longer if that’s necessary. Please, please, please come introduce yourself if you read my blog, especially if you’re a regular commenter. It’s pretty awesome to have faces to go with the names. Where: Duke Energy Convention Center, 525 Elm St.Wil: So, I’d really like to avoid a “By Grepthar’s Hammer! By the Sons of Morvan!” sort of moment, utterly failing my save vs geeking out at meeting you – I have a sneaking suspicion you understand this desire. Games include Munchkin, Thanos Rising, Colony, Whistle Stop, Favor of the Pharaoh, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Boardgame, and more. There’s open gaming, competitions, demos, and raffles. Tabletop gaming is available on the second floor in Room 206 all weekend. The contest takes place in the Queen City Panel Room (Rooms 200-205) on Sept. There is also a Best Group category for two or more cosplayers who want to enter together, and a Best Prop category, with no accompanying costume needed. The categories are: Youth, Novice, Journeyman, and Master Class. The individual contests are organized by experience. Anything store-bought will get you laughed out of there, not to mention disqualified. The Expo holds a costume contest every year for fans who put their blood and sweat into making their costumes. Topics include sketching, writing, getting published, competitive cosplay, and more. The Expo’s workshops and panels are geared toward both fans and aspiring creators. To register, visit Booth 254 on the main floor. Speed dating goes down in Room 236 on the second floor. You will receive your results during your session. There will also be noon sessions both Saturday and Sunday for the LGBT+ community. If you’re single and looking for someone who shares your obscure and uber-hip tastes, speed dating at the Expo might be for you. Check for specific details on who’s willing to do what and for what price.
#CINCINNATI COMIC EXPO PANELS PROFESSIONAL#
Joe,” “Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars”), but will also include Darryl Banks (“Green Lantern”), Amy Chu (“Red Sonja, “Poison Ivy”), Dawn McTeigue (“Batman,” “Wonder Woman”), Neal Adams (“Batman”, “Superman”), Art Baltazar (“Hellboy”), Buzz (“X Factor”), Kristina Deak-Linser (“Dawn/Vampirella”), Dave Scheidt (“Adventure Time”), Siya Oum (“Lola XOXO”), and many more.Ĭelebrity guests are potentially available for autographs, professional photos, and selfies. Sixty artistic contributors to your favorite titles will be on hand. Diverse as it may be, the Cincinnati Comic Expo is mostly about the comics.
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