#cole is the dumbest for the record

[fratttymatty]

A few shorts

1

The second David put on the grey sweatpants his bulge significantly grew as well as his muscles. Shit he smelt like musk too. He was now Davis, the dumbest guy in college, the guy who only thought with his dick. He was also a massive dick, and he knew it. Oh and the girls loved it!

2

Flick was a 79 year old man going on holiday to Ibiza. He booked into his hotel called "La Joven Transformación" not knowing that anything would happen. 4 boys, Alejandro, Harry, Nicholas and Josh dragged Flick to their room and injected him with something. Flick began to decrease in age by 60 years until he was 19. It also made him extremely hot. His muscles grew and his shirt disappeared. His mind changed and remembered he was in Ibiza to party with the boys. He forgot his name was ever Flick and he believed it was Clint since forever.

"Bros! I'm so pumped for this vacay man! Gonna get some hot Spanish chicas!" He said cockily.

3

The second Craig stepped into the gym, he was sprayed with some sort of liquid which made him look like an absolute gym bro. His biceps were now huge and so was basically everything else about him, especially his ego. He was now Kyle and he took a picture of himself and uploaded it onto Instagram.

4

Thanks to Jake's help, Greg had become yet another baseball bro in the school. He ditched the name Greg and became Grayson. He turned the blue baseball hat backwards and put on the white shorts. It made his muscles grow and his sport ability increase. It also made him grow to 6 foot 4. He took a picture and sent it to his girlfriend Libby.

5

Joel was a nerdy guy in school. That was until one of the school's bad boy heartthrobs, Freddy, stuck a cigarette into Joel's mouth. Joel inhaled the smoke by accident, the smoke from the magical cigarette ran through his body. It pumped up his muscles, deepened his voice, made his hair more messy and disheveled, made him taller, made him gain a more bad boy brain. Before he knew it, he believed his name was Cole. Cole was the definition of a Tiktok bad boy. He picked up his phone and pulled out a cigarette before taking a picture and sending it to his girlfriend, Julia, captioning it with.

"You know youre rly cute right"

6

Ian was a gay guy who was also a twink. He was walking around his university until a clearly conservative guy came up to him with another man who was recording him. The conservative gay was a gay called Jackson. Jackson was an "interviewer" on Tiktok, and Ian was his next victim.

"Trump or Kamala?" Jackson asked.

"Kamala duh." Ian replied which Jackson wasn't happy about and the cameraman stopped recording.

The phone flashed in Ian's face and changed him. Ian's muscles grew, his hair grew into a mullet-ish hairstyle, his voice deepened, he grew to well over 6 foot. As well as the physical changes his mind changed too.

He gained a very VERY conservative mindset, he straightened out, and he gained lots of new opinions that his old self would find offensive and controversial. He forgot his name was Ian and now his name was Evan. Jackson looked at him and re-recorded his part.

"Trump or Kamala bro?" Jackson asked again.

"Trump dude. I ain't no sissy!" Evan replied.

7

Lila was a nerdy girl with one boy best friend, Martin, who was gay. She was at school and was studying alone in the library, then the cheerleaders came in. Polly, Viola, Hayley and Roxana were the most popular girls in school. They approached Lila and stuck a hairband on her head causing her transformation to begin. Her hair got long and blonder causing her to become ditzier. She gained an hourglass figure and developed a valley girl accent. Her face got more pretty and her lips plumped up. Her makeup became extremely sexy, as well as other parts of her body. Once it was over the cheerleaders took off the headband and then Lila gained a new name, Mia. She threw her books away and ran to the field with the other girls. She couldn't wait for Martin to change.

"Eeeekk! I'm like, totes excited to be a cheerleader. Can we like, change Martin too hehe?!" Mia says in a valley accent using her newly gained valley slang.

8

Martin and Lila were best friends, until one day. That day was the day Lila, or Mia as she was now called, became a cheerleader. Martin was confused what happened. He was sitting in the art classroom and then Mia came up to him and placed a football helmet on his head. He instantly started to transform. His hair shortened and darkened to a dark brown and it gained a messy Tiktok boy style. He got more muscular and taller, and developed a deep voice. His face got more rugged and angular and his eyes darkened in colour. His personality got more confident and popular boy-like. He became straight and started to mainly think with his dick. Once it was over Mia took off the helmet and then Martin gained a new name, Matt. He threw away the art supplied and kissed Mia passionately. He was glad he was now a football player and that Mia was his cheerleader girlfriend.

"Yo babe. I love you, you're so sexy huhu!" He said in his new dumb voice

(Decided to do a few of these for being gone for so long. Also short 7 and 8 are connected. And as always, all characters are 18 or over.)

[hoboblaidd]

Solas’ approval of Veilguard companions and factions.

NOTE: this is just vanilla. Companion approval will vary greatly based on my interactions with individual rp blogs.

Companions

Bellara - Approves. She’s brilliant and inquisitive, and to quote Flemythal, ‘does the people proud.’ He genuinely understands her crisis of faith/concern that this fiasco is somehow modern elves’ responsibility, which is as interesting as it was poorly written. She loses points for not remembering the formative tales of Elgar’nan moving the freaking sun. He neither approves nor disapproves of whatever she chooses to do with the Archive, though he personally wants to see that spirit freed.

Davrin - Slightly Approves. He’s a Grey Warden, and willingly so, which Solas thinks is the dumbest thing anyone can do. But he respects that he left his clan to expand his horizons, and respects how he cares about elves. He also approves of Davrin questioning his original, more hardline pro-Warden stance in favor of expanding his nature (as I’ve said, Solas is a massive hypocrite lol).

Assan - Greatly Approves. He’s a griffon! He’s not extinct! It’s a parallel to what Solas thinks he’s doing for the world.

Harding - Slightly Approves. Anyone from the Inquisition gets a bump in approval, but despite how she paints their relationship, they didn’t really have a relationship during Inquisition. She was an amateur but earnest scout that he likely only interacted with in a passing, professional sense. She didn’t really know him before the Wolf Hunt. He doesn’t like her trying to connect with the Titans, even though he understands it and really has no room to approve or disapprove.

Varric - It’s Complicated. Scholars will be debating the nature of their relationship until Fen’harel is erased from the historical record (again).

Emmrich - Approves. He’s the only competent one of the bunch. Far more important than that though, he has a respect, understanding, and empathy for spirits that’s rare in Solas’ experience of the modern age. He’s the only mortal in all the games who truly understands the kind of creature Solas is, and can speak in a language/manner that Solas would genuinely respond to (even without Solas fully realizing it - Solas mirrors unconsciously and so much of his reactions are innate rather than planned. Emmrich actually gets that). Though Solas might disagree with some of his philosophy, Emmrich genuinely cares about spirits as individuals, has co-existed with Manfred in the way spirits and humans would exist in Solas’ ideal world. If Emmrich foregoes his ambition for love of Manfred, this bumps to Greatly Approves. He loses points if he becomes a lich. Academically it’s interesting, but in every other way, Solas disapproves.

Manfred - Greatly Approves. Cole-level approval. Literally could do nothing to lower his approval. Manfred is a Curiosity wisp who has lived and grown without ever surrendering his purpose to an incredible extent. It’s the path Solas wishes he could’ve taken himself. 

Lucanis - Disapproves. This isn’t personal as much as it is anti-Crow. If Lucanis were to wholly reject the Crows, this approval status would change. Otherwise, the only points Lucanis gets are a measure of sympathy for what happened in the Ossuary, and in routes where Lucanis is accepting and caring towards Spite. As it is, Solas has written him off.

Spite - Greatly Approves. None of this is Spite’s fault, and Solas doesn’t begrudge that Spite hates him. Most people do.

Neve - Disapproves. It would’ve been very high approval - she protects forgotten people, she’s active in an antislavery organization, and she bucks the oppressive regime of Tevinter. He really, truly understands loving your country while hating it’s leaders. That’s exactly how he is with Elvhenan. But her attitude towards the wisps in the Lighthouse killed that substantial good will. It’s their home, and has been longer than hers. Being annoyed is one thing. Trying to trap them? Hell no.

Taash - Slightly Disapproves. He can empathize with the struggle of identity and the pull of tradition versus rebellion. He very much approves of their opinion on dragons, since they seem to see dragons not as mindless beasts but as individuals. Genuinely, their approval is only low because I think they’d annoy him. They’re too young and like Sera, and he’s never been a font of patience. Slightly vs. Greatly depends entirely on whether or not he knows about “they were doing it.”

Factions

Crows - Greatly Disapproves. There’s no ally faction he hates more. What the Crows do to ‘recruits’ is comparable to slavery and indoctrination in his mind. Them trying to position themselves as leaders by usurping a provincial government doesn’t help. He only likes them if they rebel (like Zevran), and those that are able to escape make excellent Agents.

Grey Wardens - HA. He’s Greatly Disapproved since Inquisition. He thinks they’re a bloated, bureaucratic mess of an organization confidently playing with a fire that they have zero understanding of. The nicest thing he’ll give them is that they bought the world some time in ending the Blights - even though their haphazard way of doing it threatened the world (this is really the Evanuris’ fault, but Solas isn’t going to give the Wardens any grace). He likes individual Wardens, but will never shut up about anything how their organization and their oaths are ridiculous and short-sighted.

Lords of Fortune - This is a hard one because they’re so ill-defined and I just do not buy that they’re super progressive collectors of items who spurn cultural appropriation. If they are, then it’s Slightly Approves. If they’re not, it’s Slightly Disapproves. Either way, he’s pretty neutral on pirates and thieves. With Isabela at the helm, we at least know for certain from DA2 they’re likely to sabotage slavery, so he approves of that.

Mourn Watch - Slightly Disapproves. From an academic standpoint, he respects them. From an ethical standpoint, he judges them purely on an individual basis. This is heavily influenced by his personal experience with the Mortalitasi in general. His canonical run-in with them left a bad taste in his mouth, and some of the stuff they teach (and/or maybe how they teach it) is questionable for him. They get a bump in that as a whole, they have a better understanding of spirits than most in the modern age - it’s how the individual necromancers use that knowledge that gets iffy for him. But they lose points for the allowances made for someone like Johanna.

Shadow Dragons - Greatly Approves. I think the game does them a disservice, because it’s clear they do so much more against slavery in Tevinter. They’re an underground rebel faction, and his only disapproval is that some of their leadership is hesitant to take it to the next step of overthrowing the government. ‘Working within the system to change the system’ is never going to effectuate meaningful, long term change in his opinion. It’s the Mythal vs. Solas approach (or active vs. passive resistance) to Elgar’nan. Luckily, many other Dragons are committed to effecting real change and doing what it takes to make it happen. For personal reasons, he’s immensely proud that Dorian took the lessons he learned in the South to heart in such an active way. The game Dorian’s been playing up north is stellar. Solas wholeheartedly approves of Dorian’s plans if he’s made Archon.

Veil Jumpers - Approves. He approves of the mission, but he thinks the methods could use improvement. He appreciates that they’ve dedicated themselves to finding the truth. He doesn’t appreciate that they don’t see things his way. In his mind, the Dalish enlightening themselves on the truth of their history should make them align with him lol. Pride. He approves of containing dangerous artifacts as well, and as long as they’re doing it effectively, he thinks they’re the best equipped to handle that (aside from him). He also approves that they’re more open than just one Clan or only Dalish elves.

[victorianpuckbunny]

Ignored || Q. Hughes/ E. Petterson

protagonists: Quinn Hughes, Elias Petterson, Jack Hughes (mentioned), Trevor Zegras (mentioned)

synopsis: Elias Petterson is annoying and Quinn Hughes is annoyed.

authors note: Not edited and actually just a product of my overtired brain. The whole thing is based on the interview In which Quinn said that Petey sometimes asks him the strangest questions and then he just ignores him while scrolling on his phone until Petey gets offended and ignores him back. Also based on my own experience with my roommate, who is basically the reason for my sleep deprivation - thanks for deciding during exam time that it would be cool to watch tv shows all night long in our shared room with the light on. Also thanks for asking me the dumbest shit ever whenever I just want to read or sleep.

(Was written before the trades)

"Good game today, huh?" says Petey, dumping the content of his gym bag on the bed. Quinn, who is already lying in his bed on the opposite side of the room, hums in agreement. He holds his phone in his dainty hands and watches the recording of today's game. He keeps rewinding, pressing slow motion and analyzing every movement.

Petey makes his way through the hotel room, pushing Quinn's bag aside with his foot. "What are you looking at, Cap? Today's game?"

Quinn only hums in response. He's had a headache all day and it's only gotten worse since the game. Especially after he was dragged aside for an incredibly unnecessary interview on the way to the locker room.

He should actually put his phone away and sleep instead, but he needs to get an overview of what he needs to pay more attention to at the next training session and where the weak points are.

"Oh fuck, I forgot my shampoo."

Out of the corner of his eye, Quinn notices Petey rummaging around in Quinn's bag. "I'll borrow your shampoo for a minute, huggy bear," he informs him.

Elias Petterson has been one of his best friends and his favorite roommate for years. Most of the time, anyway. But today Quinn would prefer a single room. He sighs quietly and turns back to the game. A message from Jack pops up on his screen.

Z invited himself over for dinner and is currently complaining to Mom and Dad about you, lol. Seriously, good game, I'm proud of you, Q.

A grin crosses Quinn's pale face. Winning against the anaheim ducks is almost enough to make up for the five weeks he had to put up with Trevor Zegras in the lake house this summer. It's not even that Quinn doesn't like him. Trevor and Jack in a double pack is about as relaxing as a sack of fleas. The only thing that can top that is if Cole is in the game.

Through the thin wall, Quinn hears the shower in the bathroom turn on and a little later Petey starts singing in swedish.

Off-key and loud.

Quinn just texts Jack a thumbs up before he goes back to recording the game, regretting having lent Millsy his headphones on the way back to the hotel.

"Tits or ass?" asks Petey as he comes out of the bathroom freshly showered. His light blond hair is still wet and the fresh smell of eucalyptus surrounds him. Quinn doesn't answer, but stares at his phone with a frown.

"Huggy?"

No answer.

"Quintin!"

Now Quinn looks up reluctantly.

"Tits or ass?" repeats Petey and looks expectantly at the dark-haired man.

"What? Don't know, bud. Both I guess."

"U can't say both."

Quinn blinks exhaustedly. "Why?" He watches his best friend collapse onto the bed opposite.

"I dunno, dude. It's just like that."

"Okay. Tits."

Petey nods contentedly, as if Quinn had answered a quiz question correctly.

Just as he is about to return to the hockey game, Petey interrupts him again by asking what he thinks about socks in bed. Quinn wrinkles his nose. "Elias, please..."

The swede mimics him in a high voice before sitting up and stuffing his things, which he had carelessly emptied out while looking for the shampoo, back into his bag. "Cmon man, the game is over, we won, stop thinking about it."

Quinn turns on his side so that Petey hopefully understands that he actually just wants to be left alone.

"Would you rather have both arms as hockey sticks or both feet as ice skates?"

Quinn closes his eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath. He feels like he's back in his childhood, when his brothers Jack and Luke used his room as a common room and he had to lock himself in the toilet to have at least a few minutes to himself. For a moment he actually considers locking himself in there for a while, but his limbs are far too heavy and exhausted, so he immediately discards the idea.

"Ice skates," he finally mumbles, hoping to finally be able to watch the game in peace. He ignores Petey, who is grinning as contentedly as a cat that has just eaten a bird.

"I'd take the hockey stick arms. Wanna know why?"

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

It takes almost two more hours before Quinn is finally finished analyzing the game - mainly because of Petey's constant interruptions.

"Who on the team would you date? If you were into men?"

Instead of answering, Quinn opens instagram on his phone and starts scrolling through his feed. Hopefully Petey will finally shut up and go to bed. Quinn really doesn't feel like answering his stupid questions or having any other conversation. All he wants is to escape into thoughtlessness and let himself be bombarded with impressions from the internet.

"It's Millsy, right? U would pick him, eh?"

No answer.

"Hughesy!"

"Huggy bear!"

"Cap!"

"Quinny!"

Elias persists and now calls out all of Quinn's nicknames at regular intervals. The dark-haired defence man stares at his cell phone with a blank expression while trying to block out the other man.

"Haunted hughes!"

Quinn's jaw hardens. He hates this nickname, hates the fact that he can't control his facial expressions on the ice and always looks so stressed and overwhelmed, as if he's about to burst into tears at any moment.

Haunted hughes. Captain Lexapro. These are all nicknames that fans have given him, but now his teammates have also occasionally used them.

Even his grandmother had recently heard about them when Luke had set up a twitter/x account for her. Extremely worried, she had called Quinn in the middle of training to ask him if he was okay and whether he was addicted to medication, she had read something about it on the internet. It took almost half an hour and Silovs' solemn promise to look after Quinn to calm her down.

"Quintin! Are you even listening to me?!" Petey throws a sock at Quinn, who wipes it off his blanket with a disgusted gesture. Petey sinks back onto his bed, humming to himself. "Ur such a goof."

Meanwhile, Quinn clicks through the stories and sees that Trevor Zegras has tagged him in his story for close friends.

It's a photo of Trevor lounging on the couch between Quinn's parents, holding a large cupcake with pink sprinkles.

Below it is Quinn's username and the words "the fav child is back."

Quinn is too exhausted to think of a quick-witted response, so he just sends Trevor a screenshot of today's score with the comment "the favorite child wouldn't lose though, eh?" while skillfully ignoring Petey.

"C'mon, give me an answer! Is it Millsy?"

Quinn stares in his phone. "Oh, wait, you prefer blondes, right? Who would you choose? Boeser or me?" Petey asks.

🌸🌸🌸

The next morning, Quinn wakes up before his alarm. He rubs his eyes and yawns. His headache is finally gone and he doesn't feel as overstimulated as he did the night before.

Quinn looks over at his roommate. Elias is sprawled out on his bed, scrolling through his phone. He has his lower lip stuck out and his eyebrows furrowed.

Quinn sighs softly. "Petey?"

No answer.

"I'm sorry I ignored you yesterday. I was exhausted and didn't feel like talking."

No answer.

"Elias."

Still no answer.

Quinn sits up and looks over at the blonde hockey player. "come on, dude, it's silly to sulk about it."

He sees Petey's eyebrows furrow.

"Håll din jävla skäft!"¹

"Was that an insult?" Quinn sighs. "Yeah, it was one, right? I know that jävla means something offensive."

He rolls out of bed and goes to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face and go to the toilet.

When he comes back, Petey is now standing at the window, staring out.

The dark-haired player can't suppress a twitch in the corners of his mouth at the drama. He steps next to him and looks out the window too. The room faces the backyard.

"We should hurry, we're meeting the rest of the team for breakfast in twenty minutes, Petterson."

No answer.

"You. I would choose you."

Petey turns his head slightly, just enough to give Quinn a sideways glance.

"If I were into men. You'd be my first choice. Even before Boeser and Millsy."

Elias Petterson wrinkles his nose. "Bra försök.² You're lying. You just want me to stop being mad."

"No, buddy, you're my favorite blonde. But yeah, I want you to stop sulking," Quinn admits with a crooked grin. He hates it when his best friend is offended. Petey always reminds him a little of Luke as a child. There was a time in their childhood when Quinn and Jack preferred to play together without Luke, because the youngest was still too small to keep up. Luke expressed his indignation by trying to beat them at their own game and in turn excluding his brothers from his games. Not that it bothered them much not to be allowed to play with Luke's building blocks.

Petey also tries to express his anger by punishing the other person with the same behavior.

"Well, it's not so nice when you're ignored, huh?" There's a hint of self-satisfaction in Petey's voice.

Quinn grunts in agreement, as long as the Swede stops sulking.

Petey turns around. "Okay, then let's get ready so we can finally have breakfast. I have to tell Boeser and Millsy that you think I'm hotter, Cap."

"Hey, I never said that!" Quinn protests, but the corners of his mouth twitch amused. "Besides, I really don't need there to be rumors on social media again just because you and Millsy have to publicly bicker."

¹ Shut up

² Nice try

[smokeybrandreviews]

Rap God

It’s wild watching cats besmirch Eminem’s name, like he’s just some modern day Vanilla Ice or some sh*t. Marshall Mathers might not be the GOAT, my personal number one is Biggie, but he’s damn close. Easily top ten, arguably top five, based strictly on his skill as a rapper. Em has it all; Wordplay, cadence, breath control, flow, and bars. This cat can spit that hot fire. Seriously, Eminem is that dude when it comes to clever lyrical content. Put him up against your favorite rapper and he will eat them alive. He’s done it to Jay-Z, Drake, and Kanye West; Cats considered to be the top of their respective eras. Hell, Eminem’s verse on Forever is the best on that record, by far, and it has every artists I listed just now, on it. The only cat who can claim to have shared a song with Eminem and not get absolutely embarrassed is Lil Wayne. I’m not even a fan of that dude but I understand how talented he is and, for him to make it a point to just pull even with Em, is saying a whole hell of a lot about Marhsall. It says even more that Wayne, himself, has pure respect for Eminem and isn’t shy to say speak to that sh*t out loud.

Indeed, most serious Rappers will sing Em’s praises because they know. I’m talking Jay-Z, 50 Cent, Tony Yayo, J. Cole, Kendrick Lamar, Cardi B, T.I., Big Sean, Busta Rhymes, Redman, Nas, and the list goes on. These are greats of the genre, speaking on their admiration of, and for some, direct influence from, Slim Shady. Admittedly, he’s not as big as he was when I was young and a lot of what Rap has become seems more Pop than anything nowadays, but that’s all the more reasons to give Marshall his flowers. In a world where Lil Xan, Post Malone, and the Kid Laroi are topping the charts and strangling the airwaves, having a track like Rap God grace my ears is like getting a tall glass of ice cold water after struggling in that Arizona summer heat. And don’t let the fact that the three Rappers I chose for this example are whit, go over your head because Eminem allowed that to happen. Rap, and Hip Hop as a whole, is black people music. We made it. We proliferated it. We were very protective of it. White kids didn’t have a chance. You had to be on point to even be taken seriously in the rap game and Eminem was definitely that. Mans single-handedly shattered the color barrier and paved the way for other white boys to even spit raps on wax. Before him, it was the Beastie Boys and Vanilla f*cking Ice. After him, you get MGK, Lil Peep, Asher Roth, and Mac Miller. Eminem did that by being a straight up dog on the mic and downplaying that because “his records don’t play in the club” or “because he’s white” is the dumbest sh*t I have ever heard in my entire goddamn life.

[smokeybrand]

Rap God

It’s wild watching cats besmirch Eminem’s name, like he’s just some modern day Vanilla Ice or some sh*t. Marshall Mathers might not be the GOAT, my personal number one is Biggie, but he’s damn close. Easily top ten, arguably top five, based strictly on his skill as a rapper. Em has it all; Wordplay, cadence, breath control, flow, and bars. This cat can spit that hot fire. Seriously, Eminem is that dude when it comes to clever lyrical content. Put him up against your favorite rapper and he will eat them alive. He’s done it to Jay-Z, Drake, and Kanye West; Cats considered to be the top of their respective eras. Hell, Eminem’s verse on Forever is the best on that record, by far, and it has every artists I listed just now, on it. The only cat who can claim to have shared a song with Eminem and not get absolutely embarrassed is Lil Wayne. I’m not even a fan of that dude but I understand how talented he is and, for him to make it a point to just pull even with Em, is saying a whole hell of a lot about Marhsall. It says even more that Wayne, himself, has pure respect for Eminem and isn’t shy to say speak to that sh*t out loud.

Indeed, most serious Rappers will sing Em’s praises because they know. I’m talking Jay-Z, 50 Cent, Tony Yayo, J. Cole, Kendrick Lamar, Cardi B, T.I., Big Sean, Busta Rhymes, Redman, Nas, and the list goes on. These are greats of the genre, speaking on their admiration of, and for some, direct influence from, Slim Shady. Admittedly, he’s not as big as he was when I was young and a lot of what Rap has become seems more Pop than anything nowadays, but that’s all the more reasons to give Marshall his flowers. In a world where Lil Xan, Post Malone, and the Kid Laroi are topping the charts and strangling the airwaves, having a track like Rap God grace my ears is like getting a tall glass of ice cold water after struggling in that Arizona summer heat. And don’t let the fact that the three Rappers I chose for this example are whit, go over your head because Eminem allowed that to happen. Rap, and Hip Hop as a whole, is black people music. We made it. We proliferated it. We were very protective of it. White kids didn’t have a chance. You had to be on point to even be taken seriously in the rap game and Eminem was definitely that. Mans single-handedly shattered the color barrier and paved the way for other white boys to even spit raps on wax. Before him, it was the Beastie Boys and Vanilla f*cking Ice. After him, you get MGK, Lil Peep, Asher Roth, and Mac Miller. Eminem did that by being a straight up dog on the mic and downplaying that because “his records don’t play in the club” or “because he’s white” is the dumbest sh*t I have ever heard in my entire goddamn life.

[colesluvr]

It's me again here to request some more platonic ninja 🤭

Can I request ninja and male best friend reader headcanons

Pretty please with cherries on top ( I'm so sorry for that ) 💖

Hope you day it amazing as always

Best Friends | All Ninja x Male Reader (Platonic)

hello!! tysm for this request, i would die to be best friends with them !! really hope you enjoy this, sorry if it seems short 💔

KAI ★

dumbass duo

both of you pull all-nighters

they can either end of successful, or a certain master wu doubling your training times because you decided to stay up late, telling him you weren't tired.

you steal his hair gel, and he beats your ass if he catches you in the process of taking it.

when you do take it without him noticing, he just always glares at you because he knows you stole it.

he never understood why?

was it just to piss him off?

cuz what type of friend doesn't piss their other friend off for fun?

karoke nights>>

you and kai verese everyone else.

you decides who solo's that :)

kai starts food fights, but you finish them.

when you both were younger, every thing was a challenge between you both.

guess some people never change

COLE ★

you tried to teach the poor man how to bake :(

ended with you both getting a scolding by zane.

worth it, you were able to have a food fight.

although you lost because cole is basically a master at dodging, it was still fun.

you both go on walks to pastery shops and see who will pay for what.

rock, paper, sisscors, SHOOT ,, cole's paying today.

he helps you train, alothough it ends with you slamming your face into the ground most of the time he tries to help where he can.

sleepovers at your place>> sharing a room with the guys

you and him put on face masks bc cole wanted to.

surpirsinly it helped you both relax :)

tried to cook you lunch bc he was sick and tired of you making fun of him not being able to cook, and the next minute later firefighters were knocking at your front doors bc your nieghbor's could smell the smoke.

you never allow him in the kitchen alone anymore.

gives the best hugs.

it's like hugging a teddy bear, only it's cole.

JAY ★

i see the both of you doing the dumbest of tiktok trends together.

your dating kai, right,, and you snuck into the bathroom durning his shower with a bucket of cold water and poured it over the curtains.

jay was outside the room recording the noise, quickly running away with you hearing your boyfriend's (kai's) girly scream.

you both get scary durning video games.

you both could just be cussing at each other while the others are in the back with zane covering lloyd's ears, and cole covering zane's ears. both kai abd nya don't care, just don't rip each other's throats out.

he likes to go outside with you and chat about your day. it ends with you both laughing because while talking jay ran into a tree and fell onto you, both of you hitting the floor.

ypu both have blackmail photo's of each other you both just like to show the others.

you both go down for midnight snacks, running into lloyd who is just sitting at the kitchen table with a stash of candy. you all have a routine now.

cole sometimes comes down, but kai neevr does because he's not dealing you you four at 12 at night, that's not what he signed up for.

you both like arts and crafts, but jay is always the one to drag you into them.

ZANE ★

you: run's into the road without looking

zane: grabs your collor and pulls you back

thats how all great friendshios start (i should know, ahem)

you both like to take walks,, anywhere! you don't need to be going anywhere you can literally just walk in a straight line and you'll both be lost in conversation.

always asks if you'd eaten, drank water, and got a good nights rest.

he does this for everyone, actually.

you introduced him to ':)' '<3' :0' ':l" texting, and he now does it on a daily basis.

you both cook together, and you start food fights with him.

makes you laugh without even trying <33

you take snapchat photos because he loves them. you snapped a picture of him, and showed him his filtered picture.

makes you go to sleep and wake up at proper times.

loves dancing with you, just dance is something he may be bad at but he loves the time with you.

once you danced straight into a wall, and you both kinda stopped because he's gotten worried about you.

LLOYD ★

you both share a snack stash with your favorite chocolates and candies.

you both stay up late.

plays video games 24/7.

you and him go on midnight runs because you both love the aesthetic of the night.

you both train together, and make bets.

you steal eahc others candies.

sleepovers>>

movie nights>>

you comfort him when he's upset about his father, and he returns the same comfort to you when you need it.

loves you like a brother.

gets angry when you get hurt in battle

single pringles

y/n: he asked for no pickles!

lloyd: y/n...

you both don't really like parties, so you stay home together and have sleepovers.

a/n: guys, i want to start posting my ninjago headcanons ,, do you guys even want to see them?

[workingforitallthetime]

oh no oh no oh no it’s happening again

with each Special Hockey Boy who has stolen my heart, i can point to one pivotal moment when i knew This Is My Guy. there’s one image or piece of footage that absolutely clotheslined me, and when i emerged from the delirious fog of rewatching/staring/sending gasping texts/reblogging with incoherent tags, i felt myself Changed.

and i would like the record to reflect that i had perfectly understandable and acceptable triggers for succumbing to cole and trevor and svechy baby.

but this? this is the dumbest possible way for kent johnson and owen power to trip over the picket fence of my heart and crash-land in my azaleas. i am better than this, goddammit. but i have been unable to look away from this photo for 15 hours straight and i must accept the inevitable.

it’s something about how they’re the only two people looking directly at the camera, the only two people displaying any sort of self-awareness in this disgraceful pile of half-naked boys. it’s the smug matching expressions that say “if we hide in the back row, nobody’s going to notice that we’re in our underwear.” it’s their snapbacks. it’s owen power’s fucking GLASSES. how very fucking dare they. i am enraged. i am furious. i will burn down this entire city. i hate everything and i hate the university of michigan ice hockey team most specifically but i unfortunately and inexorably love kent johnson and owen power forever.

[zumpietoo]

At the top of the heap of people whose names shall live in infamy are GOP Senators Josh Hawley and Ted Cruz, who led the coup in the Senate to overturn the will of the people. After the fires started burning, Ted Cruz very poorly paid lip service to trying to cool things down, after he had helped commit the arson. Hawley could hardly be bothered to do that. Those two garbage fascists were joined in objections to Arizona and/or Pennsylvania by Tommy Tuberville, Roger Marshall, John Kennedy, Rick Scott, brand new Wyoming Senator Cynthia Lummis, and Cindy Hyde-Smith. Let the record show that these people went ahead and kept up their objections even after the US Capitol building was attacked by domestic terrorists they and their shithole Dear Leader had incited. In the Senate, it was only those assholes. In the House, though? Holy shit. They objected to Arizona and somehow even more of them voted to sustain the objection to Pennsylvania in the wee hours of Wednesday morning, as if yesterday's terrorism put a spring in their step, as if the blood in the hallways of the Capitol gave them sustenance. Again, all of this was after the terrorist attack. And in the House it wasn't just Arizona and Pennsylvania either. Reps like Louie Gohmert stood up to object to other states too, even though the GOP senators who had originally planned to support those challenges had put down their guns and agreed to end the standoff peacefully. (It was particularly pleasing to watch Vice President Mike Pence glare at Gohmert, who just got finished unsuccessfully suing Pence to make him overturn the election, and tell him his objection to the electors in Wisconsin "MAY NOT BE ENTERTAINED," since he couldn't get even the Senate's dumbest Republican Ron Johnson to sign his treason permission slip anymore.) Overall, 139 House GOP members voted to object to the electors from Arizona and/or Pennsylvania. These are their names. They should not be allowed around your children, you should kick them out of your chicken restaurant, and they should always and forevermore be referred to as seditious traitors to democracy in the United States of America. They really should be expelled from Congress. They're listed by state, to make it helpful for people to know which chicken restaurants to ban them from, specifically. Alabama 1. Robert Aderholt 2. Mo Brooks 3. Jerry Carl 4. Barry Moore 5. Gary Palmer 6. Mike Rogers Arizona 7. Andy Biggs 8. Paul Gosar 9. Debbie Lesko 10. David Schweikert Arkansas 11. Rick Crawford California 12. Ken Calvert 13. Mike Garcia 14. Darrell Issa 15. Doug LaMalfa 16. Kevin McCarthy 17. Devin Nunes 18. Jay Obernolte Colorado 19. Lauren Boebert 20. Doug Lamborn Florida 21. Kat Cammack 22. Mario Diaz-Balart 23. Byron Donalds 24. Neal Dunn 25. Scott Franklin 26. Matt Gaetz 27. Carlos Jimenez 28. Brian Mast 29. Bill Posey 30. John Rutherford 31. Greg Steube 32. Daniel Webster Georgia 33. Rick Allen 34. Earl "Buddy" Carter 35. Andrew Clyde 36. Marjorie Taylor Greene 37. Jody Hice 38. Barry Loudermilik Idaho 39. Russ Fulcher Illinois 40. Mike Bost 41. Mary Miller Indiana 42. Jim Baird 43. Jim Banks 44. Greg Pence 45. Jackie Walorski Kansas 46. Ron Estes 47. Jacob LaTurner 48. Tracey Mann Kentucky 49. Harold Rogers Louisiana 50. Garret Graves 51. Clay Higgins 52. Mike Johnson 53. Steve Scalise Maryland 54. Andy Harris Michigan 55. Jack Bergman 56. Lisa McClain 57. Tim Walberg Minnesota 58. Michelle Fischbach 59. Jim Hagedorn Mississippi 60. Michael Guest 61. Trent Kelly 62. Steven Palazzo Missouri 63. Sam Graves 64. Vicky Hartzler 65. Billy Long 66. Blaine Luetkemeyer 67. Jason Smith Montana 68. Matt Rosendale North Carolina 69. Dan Bishop 70. Ted Budd 71. Madison Cawthorn 72. Virginia Foxx 73. Richard Hudson 74. Gregory Murphy 75. David Rouzer New Jersey 76. Jeff Van Drew New Mexico 77. Yvette Harrell New York 78. Chris Jacobs 79. Nicole Malliotakis 80. Elise Stefanik 81. Lee Zeldin Nebraska 82. Adrian Smith Ohio 83. Steve Chabot 84. Warren Davidson 85. Bob Gibbs 86. Bill Johnson 87. Jim Jordan Oklahoma 88. Stephanie Hice 89. Tom Cole 90. Kevin Hern 91. Frank Lucas 92. Markwayne Mullin Oregon 93. Cliff Bentz Pennsylvania 94. John Joyce 95. Fred Keller 96. Mike Kelly 97. Daniel Meuser 98. Scott Perry 99. Guy Reschenthaler 100. Lloyd Smucker 101. Glenn Thompson South Carolina 102. Jeff Duncan 103. Ralph Norman 104. Tom Rice 105. William Timmons 106. Joe Wilson Tennessee 107. Tim Burchett 108. Scott DesJarlais 109. Chuck Fleischmann 110. Mark Green 111. Diana Harshbarger 112. David Kustoff 113. John Rose Texas 114. Jodey Arrington 115. Brian Babin 116. Michael Burgess 117. John Carter 118. Michael Cloud 119. Pat Fallon 120. Louie Gohmert 121. Lance Gooden 122. Ronny Jackson 123. Troy Nehls 124. August Pfluger 125. Pete Sessions 126. Beth Van Duyne 127. Randy Weber 128. Roger Williams 129. Ron Wright Utah 130. Burgess Owens 131. Chris Stewart Virginia 132. Ben Cline 133. Bob Good 134. Morgan Griffith 135. Robert Wittman West Virginia 136. Carol Miller 137. Alexander Mooney Wisconsin 138. Scott Fitzgerald 139. Tom Tiffany These are the people who either incited yesterday's attackers, gave them aid and comfort as terrorist sympathizers, or both.

https://www.wonkette.com/here-are-all-147-members-of-the-terrorist-inciting-gop-sedition-caucus-may-their-names-forever-be-stained

[thesinglesjukebox]

KATY PERRY - HARLEYS IN HAWAII

[4.00]

Just because it's hula, doesn't mean it's really hula...

Josh Buck: What if the only female artist to have five #1s on the same album dropped four solid bops in a year and no one noticed? Can't-buy-a-hit Katy Perry sounds like indie pop given a giant budget. She's the weird, bad and wonderful pop elder statesman we need right now. [6]

Katherine St Asaph: Katy Perry was, for years, the leading primary-colors-and-pasties representative of peppy all-American pop, which perhaps explains why she's had a particularly hard time adjusting to doomer 2019. There's a wistful late-summer pop waft in "Harleys in Hawaii," maybe, but selling it requires nonchalant chill, a quality Katy Perry has never possessed as a vocalist or a performer. Also, the thing has words. I originally misheard the chorus as "you and Daddy riding Harleys in Hawaii," which still wouldn't even be the fifth-worst line. [4]

Will Rivitz: Latter-career Katy Perry is, if not particularly good, per se, usually at least interesting; her songs tend to either trainwreck in bizarrely compelling ways or quietly go toe-to-toe with the best in her discography. This is neither; it's budget Ariana Grande on just enough Xanax to make everything torpid but not enough to make it worthwhile. [3]

Natasha Genet Avery: In another life, the lush and sexy "Harleys in Hawaii" could have been my favorite thank u, next album track. Instead, Katy Perry's clumsy lyrics ("go ahead, explore the island ~vibes~!") make it feel more like a travel ad than a bedroom jam. [6]

Hazel Southwell: A geographically confused Cafe Del Mar compilation track that forgot to put the hook in, with the lyrical copy from a tourist information SEO exercise. [3]

Alfred Soto: The title should come with its own illustrative video: "Jenny on the Block," say, with jump cuts of Katy Perry and her boyfriend sipping fizzy cocktails out of coconuts on a black sand beach. To honor this vibe, she adopts an approach to the beat that Mariah Carey might've recognized. It's one of her better performances. But she offers nothing but Instagram shots. [4]

Stephen Eisermann: I mean, I finally get it. Charlie Puth's songs aren't well-written, he just sells the hell out of them. In his hands, this song might've been sexier and more playful, but in Katy's? It reeks of desperation, like a cougar fighting the mid-life crisis off by any means necessary. Or, I guess, like a singer trying with all her might, to remain relevant. In both cases, the inevitable wins. [3]

Alex Clifton: Well, it's definitely a Katy Perry song because it sounds good if you hear it in the background but its lyrics are a bit lacking. "When I hula-hula, hula, so good you'll take me to the jeweler-jeweler, jeweler" in particular mystifies me. You dance so well specifically in Hawaii that this dude's going to marry you? Are you angling for a diamond-encrusted hula-hoop? Is "hula" a sex euphemism that I'm just not getting? If you ignore the nonsense coming out of Perry's mouth, it comes across as a decent slow jam. But Perry's not made much music for toned-down vocals; any time she's singing, her voice is centre-stage and distracting. At this point I would love to see her turn into a behind-the-scenes songwriter, as I think she can make real pop magic happen. Sadly some of that sparkle fades when she's fully at the helm. [4]

Isabel Cole: I've personally found it like really psychologically destabilizing to watch Katy Perry inexplicably decide more than a decade into her recording year to finally use her passable voice to make normal human singing noises, so I guess it's kind of nice that these lyrics testify so strongly to her unchallenged ten-year reign as the absolute dumbest person in pop. [3]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[rgr-pop]

circuitbird replied to your post :let me say that i actually kinda liked this piece,...

When you say “narrower” do you mean, like, songwriter-as-analogous-to-auteur? One of the interesting things to me about pop punk (related to your other post) is that there seems to be comparatively less handwringing among rock critics about the multitudes of songwriters that are often involved, e.g. P!ATD or Fall Out Boy and what implications that may have regarding “”“authenticity”“”

hm, I think I kind of know what you mean in that first question but I’m not totally sure, but yes, I think so. what I actually meant was maybe even simpler than that: when we say “songwriting” when it comes to women we have a hard time meaning anything other than...lyrics. (there are exceptions, of course, for example all that talk put me in a fiona apple mood and now I am listening to fiona apple; and of course my favorite woman songwriter is probably the most obvious great woman songwriter, joanna, so.)

now, with your last comment... omg. I know exactly what you are talking about but I don’t think I ever would have thought to draw this comparison. I’m laughing about it because, I dunno if I have posted this here, but I am OBSESSED with that panic single that is out right now which I swear to you is a literal actual big time rush song. I’m OBSESSED with rush bag disco!! (in making this post I finally decided to look into who wrote and produced that song to figure out why it sounds like btr, and I couldn’t believe, speaking of purchase grads, jenny owen youngs is a credited writer, didn’t think I’d see her name again!) 

what I meant re: pop punk was really more about pop punk in the pure sense, I think when you bring emo into it there’s a lot more to it. (or, actually, I might argued, a lot less to it, lol.) it’s an obvious thing: we don’t describe what’s going on in a, let’s say nofx album, as “songwriting,” more or less because it is structured to read as “simple” (but also because of genre conventions that usually oppose “songwriting” as an act, anyway, stylistically); at the same time, turns out, the forms of this genre (especially in production) are incredibly hard to replicate, right. (nofx is maybe the best example of this because they are the “dumbest” while also being like, probably the most technically trained proficient band in...america, to say nothing of the conceptual work and volume.) (big token exception goes to doctor frank, ~~~cole porter of punk, who gets called a Songwriter because he’s a PARTICULARLY stylized smartass) (no offense, I love him)

so one thing I was kind of alluding to there is that I sort of thing pop punk, actual pop punk not just “has a melody and electric guitar” christ almighty, I sort of think in this moment, for me, pop punk is the only project worth pursuing, because it is the most difficult project, because no one anywhere in indie music is any good at it right now, and because the way that the “writing” of pop punk has been made more opaque makes it more fun to...write! and hard. and an assured failure (at least until I get the money to record with mass giorgini :))

[thewritinglist]

Albums of the “Year”

It’s very limiting to list my favourite albums released in the last twelve months, because years are an arbitrary concept, invented by humanity, and I also struggle to get away from my comfort zone of a few bands I’ve obsessively listened to and mentally catalogued. So, here is my top ten albums of 2018. They’re not necessarily from 2018, but they defined my year.

10. After Laughter by Paramore

For a long while, Paramore existed in my cultural awareness as one song, and a post on this very site about how Hayley Williams once caused a tour to be cancelled by getting her teenage self grounded.

That’s an unfair assessment.

The one song was Still Into You, passed on as part of a mixtape made by a dear friend to celebrate my first anniversary with my girlfriend. But after hearing Fake Happy on the radio at my former place of work (I didn’t love The Co-Op, but I have to hand it to their DJs and their fine taste), I had to google some lyrics to find it. The twelve songs tell an often deceptively sad story underneath the jangling guitars and synths that throw you and Paramore back together to the eighties. I listen to the music for the lyrics, and Williams really excels in adding sadness in the tone and not as something yelled. 

Best song - Hard Times.

2017 - Fuelled by Ramen - Pop rock

9. Silver Dollar Moment by The Orielles

I discovered the next two bands by a moment of delightful chance, when indie band Little Comets opened their twitter account to female fans on International Women’s Day, and one recommended these two.

Opening track Mango really nicely sets the scene for forty-five minutes of dreamily delivered indie rock, especially in Esmé Dee Hand-Halford’s vocals and bass. It’s the sort of music that makes me want to close my eyes and gently drift my head from side to side, which is why I have a soft rule to listen to it mostly in the comfort of a closed bedroom. Labelling anything indie gives an impression of competent but basic guitar/bass/drums, but The Orielles do much more than that, there’s an injection of funk and weirdness that occasionally brings to mind Talking Heads, if you played them at half speed, and replaced Byrne’s sudden manic energy with languid relaxation.

Best song: Mango

2018 - Heavenly Records - Indie rock

8. Love in the 4th Dimension by The Big Moon

The second chance discovery, The Big Moon are definitely more conventionally indie than their precedents in this list, but I like the simplicity of not adding too much to a song. This album blasts, first track Sucker building quickly and simply to a massive chorus, which is easy to imagine reverberating around Rescue Rooms or Rock City to a highly appreciative crowd. 

But it slows, too. Formidable’s verses have a solemn quality, with imagery of a capsizing boat and vague references to “did she make you swallow all your pride?” changing the atmosphere to something more confrontational, before the chorus rugby tackles the subject, with still soft vocals.

Best song: Silent Movie Susie

2017 - Columbia & Fiction Records - Indie rock

7. Harry Styles by Harry Styles

“Have you listened to Harry Styles’ album?”

The same friend that brought me the Paramore song asked me this on a Texas road trip with my girlfriend, having grown understandably tired of my musical choices. I said no, with an implication of “of course not”, because he was a he One Direction guy, and I hated them and all they stood for.

That is a poor assessment of Harry Styles’ abilities as a songwriter and musician. His self-titled debut, such a classic going solo move, is a mature change-up from the former One Direction star. An aeon away from upbeat teen-pop, now Styles is singing maturely and softly about sex, not explicitly but provocatively in Carolina. The use of “Good Girl, she makes me feel so good” is not at all subtle, and the album often feels like these are ideas and feelings that Styles wanted to get off his chest. These are not One Direction songs, and much as the Harry Potter series mature as the books passed and readers aged, Harry Styles feels like an album aimed at One Direction fans who are growing less interested in the innocent, good boy image they’d cultivated.

The music is clean and engaging, but more complex than those previous recordings. In all, the album manages something tough: It reveals a former teen star’s true maturity without the need to scream it explicitly. It feels confident in its identity, which is an achievement in itself.

Best song: Two Ghosts

2017 - Columbia - Indie pop/soft rock

6. Mean Girls - Original Cast Recording

Mean Girls, the film, holds up. Comedy, as I’ve learned just across my time at university, is the first genre to age badly. Punchlines need a target, and our understanding and acceptance of who and what is allowed as a target is ever shifting. So for Tina Fey to ingeniously target not the cattiness of teenage girls, which is a cheap stereotype that the mainstream media still loves to find and blow up (see: the majority of Taylor Swift coverage), but rather the expectation that they’ll do that, and the mentalities of teenager in general, savvily keeps it fresh.

Mean Girls, the musical, opened in 2017 and moved to Broadway in 2018. Music is written by Jeff Richmond, Fey’s husband and collaborator on both the seminal 30 Rock and Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. Nell Benajmin provided lyrics whilst Fey wrote the book, and together they brilliantly recreated the quotable magic of the original. Fey’s credit is limited to the book but at times her voice is loud and clear in the lyrics. The dumbest plastic, Karen Smith, sings an ode to Halloween, which begins with her muddling over putting it before world peace as a priority, and builds to her love of costumes: “I’m sexy Eleanor Roosevelt or sexy Rosa Parks” is such a Fey joke, fitting of the film. It’s also delightful to hear some extra input on protagonist Cady’s initial best friend Janis (Barrett Wilbert Weed, the best performance), a wonderful character who has the backstory most ripe for exploration in any future works.

Hey, I managed not to say fetch. 

Wait.

Damn.

Best song: World Burn

2018 - Atlantic - Broadway

5. Be More Chill - Original Cast Recording

Be More Chill is an honest story of teenagers and mental health. Adapted mostly faithfully from a 2004 novel by young adult author Ned Vizzini, the story is of Jeremy Heere, a high school loser whose initial goal is charmingly low-key. He just wants to be a bit less awkward and able to survive high school, but quickly decides to sign up for a school production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream, following in the steps of his crush Christine Canigula, a theatre lover with, in her words, “A touch of ADD”.

It’s this detail that sets the musical’s story apart from the book. Mental health is a subtextual theme of the book, but Christine and her love of performing as someone else and occasional scatterbrain, makes it explicit. The main thrust comes when a jock named Rich offers Jeremy a Squip, AKA a supercomputer, taken as a pill, that invades your brain and tells you how to act and speak. It helps Jeremy enter the cool kids’ circle, but at the expense of his friendship with the proudly dorky Michael, who is delighted that humanity has stopped evolving because, in his words, “there’s never been a better time in history to be a looooooooooooooooser!”

In the final song, Voices in My Head, Christine and Jeremy finally bond properly over the voices they’ve both heard, and it completes a surprisingly moving story of mental health in a musical that is often bombastically big and ridiculous - the Squip is supposed to have Keanu Reeves’ voice. Joe Iconis’ music and lyrics are witty and engaging, perfectly fitting the clever and original novel, and the sadly departed Vizzini.

Best song: Michael in the Bathroom (George Salazar)

2015 - Ghostlight Records - Broadway

4. Worhead by Little Comets

Little Comets are the most exciting band in current music.

This is a bold claim, but I like to be bold. Little Comets, who hail from Jarrow in Tyne and Wear, write the most incredibly moving, lyrically dense and thoughtful songs you can find today. Every song on Worhead is affecting.

If you listen to their first album, In Search of Elusive Little Comets, the musical and lyrical progression in six years is astounding. The fun early indie rock has complicated and deepened, like a lake dug out from beneath its surface. By 2017, lead singer and writer Rob Coles’ grasp on lyrics had become masterful, and he uses images to  generate feeling so well. The title and opening tack immediately point to a specific image: “Standing in a field of grass, looking for a blade of grass”. Coles is upfront about his political beliefs - a 2014 song titled “The Blur, the Line and the Thickest of Onions” explicitly denies and attacks the language of Blurred Lines, and their music is often loudly feminist. Worhead asks us “My sweetheart, can we lean more, to the left side, to the left side of everything”. À Bientôt angrily speaks to anti-migrant rhetoric from their perspective, even including the temporary sympathy caused by the image of the dead boy washed up on the beach, whilst Hunting is written from the smug, entitled view of Tory ministers, cutting, unafraid of retribution, safe from the consequences.

Density of ideas is a Little Comets staple, and the unapologetic thickness of the accents often need a trip to their website or Genius for understanding, but Coles also writes poetically when he pares his words down for romance. “Common Things” describes globetrotting, but in the context of not wanting it, because of the joys of being home, only needing an atlas under the mattress. Elegant domesticity is the only kind of love song that continually appeals to me. They are a continually astounding and unique band.

Best song: 

2017 - The Smallest Label - Indie rock

3. Illinois by Sufjan Stevens

I hardly ever enjoy music purely for the feeling that the music imparts on me. Before I was listening to music critically, I saw an episode of Charlie Brooker’s excellent series Screenwipe, which discussed and took the piss out of all elements of television. In an advertising special, he mentioned that advertisers love music as it bypasses the logical part of your mind and is processed emotionally. There’s something romantic about that, but at the same time sometimes I wonder if that subconsciously put up mental guards, and I have to understand lyrics to understand the emotions.

Illinois is a rare exception.

Sufjan Stevens relased Illinois in 2005 and it serves as a sort of concept album about the American state. It covers points from its history: “Come on! Feel the Illinoise!” covers the historic World’s Columbian Exposition, and “John Wayne Gacy Jr.” is about the infamous serial killer and affords him almost shocking levels of empathy. Stevens later said that we’re all capable of what Gacy did, which is debatable.

But we’re all capable of the grief woven into Caismir Pulaski Day, which tragically tells the story of losing someone who died on the state holiday celebrating their Polish revolutionary war hero.

An independent singer songwriter with track titles as terribly long as “The Black Hawk War, or, How to Demolish an Entire Civilization and Still Feel Good About Yourself in the Morning, or, We Apologize for the Inconvenience but You're Going to Have to Leave Now, or, 'I Have Fought the Big Knives and Will Continue to Fight Them Until They Are Off Our Lands!'” seems like someone addicted to acoustic guitar, but Stevens utilises piano, strings and horns, especially effective in the aforementioned ‘Come on’. The album is vivid and alive, and is really a practical tie for second.

2005 - Asthmatic Kitty/Secretly Canadian and Rough Trade - Indie rock/folk

2. Masseduction by St. Vincent

This year, I made a real effort, admittedly only in September, to get into new music. Reading an interview with David Byrne, I was intrigued by his mention of St. Vincent, aka Annie Clark. Anyone who can engage David Byrne is worthy of attention.

Inside the striking image and colouring of the artwork, Masseduction was first introduced to me in the opening scene of Bojack Horseman’s fifth season, replacing the standard use of Back in the 90′s by Grouplove with Los Ageless. The song, Clark’s depiction of Los Angeles, feels bleak and distant, the electronic music giving an disconnected vibe. It’s her relationship to the city, and the album as a whole is a series of looks at relationships. Pills is about a relationship with drugs, the title track and Savior are about sex. Happy Birthday Johnny, both slower and acoustic, feel related, as though they’re both about the same person, Clark coming to terms with the sadness of that loss.

Masseduction is endlessly listenable. It spans various pop genres, with enough variety to reward many listens and picking on many of its songs to focus on individually. Pills really does feel like withdrawal, with pumped up verses, an almost manic chorus, and a suddenly balladish final section, where the tone becomes surprisingly sombre. It works, powerfully so.

Best song: Pills

2017 - Loma Vista Recordings - Electropop/Glam Rock

1. The Kinks are the Village Green Preservation Society (50th Anniversary Edition)

The Kinks released Village Green Preservation Society on the 22nd of November, 1968, which sounds fine until you learn that The Beatles released The White Album on the same day, spelling inevitable and crushing doom, and the permanent departure of founding bassist Pete Quaife from the band. Quaife, who had grown tired of the industry and the Davies’ brothers warring ways, scrawled ‘daze’ on a tape recording of Days. But he left on perhaps the band’s highest note. 

I don’t know what else can be said about this album. Even if every song isn’t a standalone masterpiece, with the strange fairy tale of Phenomenal Cat and the childlike Mr. Songbird only working in context of stories of the past, but they form a collective that is masterful in painting a rich story. It has the delicacy of a great painting, something that former art student Ray Davies must appreciate. And it is so distinctly Ray Davies in its voice, something only he alone could have written. It was their first album after a still somewhat mysterious five year ban from American touring, then the only real form of promotion, but it dismisses the cultural shift towards psychedelia with an almost passive-aggressive tone. 

The weighty re-release is fitted out with sixty tracks, but they’re largely alternative versions of songs from the original album and the recording sessions, many unreleased, including the finished Time Song, and a lovely demo of Days, that proves that Davies was always a better writer than singer, bless him. Harmonies with his brother Dave always lifted the words, but they stand alone, as short stories, brilliantly formed.

VGPS contributes to their stereotypical image of proud Britishness, but there’s a look to the future and underlying sadness that add depth to the album. The original final track’s closing lyirc?

Don’t show me no more, please.

1968/2018 - Pye Records - Folk Rock