#cold unfeeling crazygirl who either finds joy in killing or is totally unbothered by it

[toastytrusty]

i really hate the idea that hickey is perfectly at peace with himself and his environment and has no qualms about any of the things he does because he's just so nonchalant about it all. that boy is not nonchalant. he is fighting DEMONS. he is not only constantly lying to everyone around him (and even then it's not like he's Allergic to Not Lying) but he's also lying to Himself. because he is sensitive and effected and hates how bothered he is by it all. he finds ways to justify his actions to himself out of desperation, because he Needs to believe it's okay. he needs to convince Himself it's okay. but it's not okay and he is not okay!!! he is afraid!!! which is why i think his relationship with goodsir is one of the most interesting he has, because through goodsir we see all his little weaknesses and insecurities. goodsir tells him to mind his lashing wounds, because they Are still bothering him, and hickey acts like he's unaffected but he isn't. goodsir doesn't answer hickey's questions and just asks him if his manipulation ever works, because it's all an act and it Doesn't always work and he's scrambling because he has nothing else. goodsir refuses to cut up billy because he knows hickey Does know how, he just doesn't want to, and goodsir doesn't let him hide inside that. he drags out all of hickey's fears and weaknesses and lays them out for both the audience and hickey himself. we see hickey playing his role around guys like tozer or gibson or hodgson but around goodsir he is laid bare and you can Seeee how frantic he really is and how little control he really feels like he has