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break-the-chains · 2 years ago

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Writing prompt: Lust

6/21/15

My name is John, and I am a humble man. I define myself by what I have rather than what I don't. I have love, stability, and an appreciation of society. I have gentle parents, a consistent job, and good health. I want for nothing.

I have challenges just like everyone else, but they don't redirect me far from my path. I am able to maintain myself and my relations to others. I am not violent, nor am I a victim. I need this to be known.

I am not broken.

6/26/15

I know that society is a result of the hard work & effort (whether willful or not) of the ones that came before. Because I know this, I choose to respect this gift. I bear the byproducts of this cohesion.

One byproduct includes tolerating those who do not respect that peace. Phil, my coworker, is one of those people.

He seems insistent on spouting out his disdain for those that hold up the structure of governance. He believes that greed is the driving factor of their decisions. He has no idea how ignorant he sounds.

Does he not know of disease? Does he not know of flash floods? Does he not know of moral depravity? He has no idea of the dangers he is protected from by the very people he looks down on.

I tolerate this man because it is my part to play.

6/30/15

It took 30 miles and a gift of liquor to do what must be done. Nobody saw my license plate. Yet another hollow victory.

7/1/15

The home owner's association I moderate saw me come home last night. Dorothy is trusting. I'm not worried about Samuel, either. I know what goes on in his gardening shed. Veronica will be the one to cause problems, if any of them are feeling more superior than they deserve.

I have not found anything on her. I have time.

7/2/15

Today, I saw a glimmer of what I have been waiting for. Ever since this started, I have been unsatisfied with my clients. Their responses have ranged from immature to licentious. They must have been raised in broken homes. It disgusts me.

But today brought me hope. She is new. It seems like this is her first source of employment. She has that element of which I cannot describe, but I know is exactly what I need. Her parents are studious, if a bit distant. She has no siblings. She seems to stay indoors. She is, for all intents and purposes, a model young woman. In another lifetime, she would be a good future wife.

Of course, I am not looking for a wife. That is the one pillar of society I have failed. I accept that failure and I atone for it every time I go for a trip. God knows my intentions. I will surely receive divine punishment before I am allowed to rest in peace, but God also knows how devoted I am to his image.

7/4/15

My job is integral to the order of our neighborhood. I do not always enjoy the day-to-day tasks that it brings, but I am immeasurably grateful for the opportunities it gives me.

I discovered that Veronica divorced multiple men. She had two sons out of wedlock, and they don't seem to be in contact with her. She lives off of alimony, and that's why she can spend so much time sticking her nose where it doesn't belong. I am not surprised. She is a foul woman. No self-respecting man would keep her in his house.

I'm not sure yet how I will use this, but it's a great start. God smiled upon me today.

7/6/15

I am trying to be patient, but it's beginning to strain me.

I want to give the Lord what he wants. What I want. Unfortunately, a bottle of spirits won't get me through this one. I must be fastidious.

She continues to be a soft-spoken and well-behaved young lady. She is admittedly quite beautiful, although I know better than to be swayed by appearances. She is quick to notice details. Polite. Afraid of confrontation, as she should be. Frankly, she is the sum of all the parts, inside & out, that I look for in a point of interest. She pains me.

I asked her for help deciding between two pain relievers today. She handled the request well for a woman. When I stepped on her heel, she apologized profusely. That's exactly what I was hoping for. It took an unusual level of self-control to smile & walk away.

She brings me the most tempting source of anguish I have ever experienced. Oh, to be young and faceless. The burdens of leadership are a terrible weight to bear. I do this for God, and for my community. My service is immovable, no matter the cost.

8/7/15

I visited the store again today. She was not on shift. I have been too careless. I should know these things.

Meanwhile, Samuel is indulging in his sickening delights in the comfort of his own backyard. He doesn't even seem to care that I can hear his absurd lecherous cries. I have seen his packing slips full of useless leathers and items I'd rather not mention. I hate him, but I appreciate that he knows not to challenge me. He is a useful sinner.

9/30/15

I have spent the last week planning out my course of action. She has a night shift tomorrow. Veronica will be home, but Samuel has agreed, with persuasion, to lead her to the troublesome family at the end of the street. She'll be too busy to notice my absence.

Her parents will be at the play showing on Main St. In fact, most people I'm concerned about will be there, including my coworkers.

When I arrive, I will wait until she restocks the drinks. I'll disconnect the power to the camera's computer. They have a rudimentary system that saves the data to the computer first, then uploads it to the cloud. No original file, no cloud.

I will go to the hair product section (furthest from the entrance), ask for her advice, and the rest is God's will. She rest her gaze on my glory, and she will submit. She will be the vessel of my legacy.

I have my exit strategy, but I don't need to dwell on it. I cannot calm down from this miracle that is about to unfold. Lord have mercy on my soul.

7/15/15

It is time. I am at a disadvantage, for I cannot contain my lust. I must bring a suitcase for this to work. It would be too suspicious for me to change my wardrobe now.

Samuel is taking his time, that stupid bastard. I hear him hollering next door. He should be out by now. It is already 8:05 pm.

7/16/15

One would say that I have made a horrible mistake. If God were to permit me to repeat last night, I would have done it anyways.

I understand that my foresight was not as keen as I expected. Perhaps I was blinded. I regret nothing. Let me tell you of my ultimate victory.

Although Samuel was late, he performed as I instructed. Her parents left on time. Her store was as empty as I had planned out. She took longer to leave the front register than I thought, but I still managed to disconnect the security module. She didn't notice, either.

When I stood in front of the shampoo and called her over, she seemed nervous. I will not lie, this excited me. As she walked over, I unzipped my fly. I still had the suitcase in front of me, but I kept growing as she walked to me. She smelled enticing.

Her soft voice and tentative glances fueled my mission. I let her know how beautiful she is. I told her the truth: that she will make an excellent mother. Her growing distress was everything�� I hoped for. I set the suitcase down. My groin was proud of its desire. This was my moment to serve God's ultimate wish.

It took her exactly thirty-five seconds to see my lurid outline. She quickly averted her eyes and turned to silently walk away. I reach out for her arm and hold her in place. She didn't look at me. I move to fit my chest to her shoulders, her buttocks to my hips. I brought her close to me, and her sweet warm skin made me fully primed.

This sweet and sinful female form struggled so hopelessly. My desire fueled my motions to restrain her. I had to bring her to the floor, not my favorite outcome, but it was worth it to see her so defenseless. She was amazingly quiet throughout the entire night.

What a man and a woman do to create new life must be revered and held close. For that reason, I will not go into more detail about our actions last night. I will only say that the passion was real. The gift of procreation is one that I will never forget. There is a part of me that feels sorry for her. She did not choose to be a woman. It is God's will that she will be my carriage for new life. Nevertheless, she was a wonderful host.

As all mortal good must come to an end, once my loins had nothing left to give, I had to depart. I came home to exactly what I expected, a commotion down the street that had nothing to do with me, parents still out on the town. No alerts from the office. Last night was a good night. The best night of my life, even.

This will be my last entry. Because of my position, I have special privileges to let this journal die in the dark. However, this morning I received the news that my act has not gone unnoticed. Dorothy saw the girl sobbing in the aftermath. There is a substantial chance that any potential charges will be dropped, but my life will not be the same once the news spreads across town.

I have served my purpose to God. The final task he requires of me is complete. I have literally nothing left to live for in this world, so I will either travel for the rest of my days, or I may end it all in a justified act of defense from an escalated conflict. We shall see how it plays out. God loves me. I am at peace.

#writing #trigger warning bad dude

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lambden · 3 years ago

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Here’s some belated Geraskier fic that I finally get to post, as last week’s flash fic challenge has wrapped up! This was originally published anonymously; kudos to those of you who guessed that I was the author. Head to the collection to see the picture prompt that inspired this, as well as view the other works. I've been having a great time participating in fandom events like this; I promise there's more on the way!!! (Read on AO3)

Up To Date

prompt: "You were so hot that when you asked if I was the blind date you were looking for, I lied and said yes. But then your actual date comes up to introduce themselves and I'm so embarrassed."

G, 2.3K words, modern AU, Geralt/Jaskier

It shouldn’t be this difficult to find inspiration. He never used to struggle like this in high school, finding his muse in everyone and everything. Even his mundane trip on the city bus to and from school would give Jaskier hundreds of ideas, for poems too personal to publish or lyrics too deep for his band to use. Back then he had thought he lacked discipline and experience, so the clear choice had been to take his interest in poetry one step further and go to university.

The problem, as he’s now discovering halfway through his second year, is that he maybe hates university. He loves it, of course; he loves the praise from his professors and peers, he loves learning about the history of literature and art. He even loves the academic rivalries that wax and wane every term, and the competitions that ignite a mean streak in him he didn’t know he had.

But his assignments are of worse quality than anything he’s ever written before, and try as he might, they aren’t getting any better. Putting words on the page just to meet a count is impossible for a poet, not when the space and thoughts and images are all supposed to be cohesive. Poems used to flow from him so freely he hadn’t been able to keep track and now his well of motivation has just about run dry.

That’s what led him here, for the third time this week. His creative dysfunction has forced him into the day-to-day habits of an elderly man who spends his days reading in public gardens. It hasn’t helped so far, but maybe this third time will be the charm. Jaskier finds his favorite place: right by the koi pond, next to a strange art installation with ivy crawling along it. He sits at the base of the giant question mark, dropping his backpack onto the bench beside him.

“This better fucking work,” mutters Jaskier to himself and the koi, opening today’s book to a random poem. He refuses to let his mind wander at first, gluing his eyes to the page and reading with intense intent. The first poem he sees is about love.

Groaning, Jaskier flips the page. The next poem is also about love.

The third poem is about war, and Jaskier thinks that might be alright, until he realizes what this long-dead poet is trying to tell him, which is that war is also about love. Because it is, of course, but also of course it is. Jaskier scowls deeply and flips through the book to a random page, hoping to find something to spark inspiration that won’t just make him feel hopeless and single and hopelessly single.

Before Jaskier can get through the title, someone speaks to him, startling him so badly he jumps. “Are you Yennefer’s friend?”

Jaskier scrambles to catch the book by its cover and nearly drops it. He hadn’t even heard anyone approach. “Sorry?”

The stranger audibly sighs, as if Jaskier has inconvenienced him terribly. With all the force of someone announcing their presence at their own death row, he grits out, “I’m here for a blind date she set up. With you.” Jaskier looks up at the man and sees him wearing a blank expression, pointing at the question mark in front of the bench. “By the thing.”

“Oh,” Jaskier says, still looking at the man. It takes a second for the words to sink in because the stranger is perhaps the most handsome person Jaskier has ever seen. He could write a thousand poems and still fail to capture his beauty. He has golden eyes, for one, and a sharply chiseled face. Even grimacing like this, his jaw is set in the loveliest way, and his stern brow is framed by platinum white hair, half-tied up. He’s wearing a fairly gloomy outfit for a blind date, but maybe he told whoever Yennefer is that he would be dressed in black. Regardless, he’s making it work.

The gorgeous stranger is still waiting for an answer, scowl worsening as Jaskier tries to make his decision about how the fuck to handle this. Really, there’s no decision at all— he just impulsively takes the leap. All his best ideas come when he’s stumbling forward blind anyway. “Yes,” he finally says, jumping to his feet. “Yes, um, I’m sorry, you caught me off-guard. I’m Jaskier.”

“Geralt.” They’re of a similar height, but Geralt is so much wider. Jaskier wants to climb him like ivy on a question mark. “I’m sorry I interrupted.”

“It’s fine! I got here a while ago. You know, can’t be too early!” Jaskier has never been early for anything in his life. He sits down again and shoves his books into his bag as quickly as he can. Geralt shifts his weight back and forth between his feet before awkwardly sitting on the bench next to Jaskier, looking out at the garden. “I’ve never done this kind of thing before,” he admits, which is true. His usual lies and schemes are much less chaotic.

Geralt doesn’t reply to that, leaving Jaskier to privately wonder about his dating life. He stares at the plants, giving the impression that he might be hideously nervous. Jaskier has no idea why someone like Geralt would be nervous about anything but it’s an awkward situation, to say the least. Right as Jaskier’s about to suggest they get out of here before Geralt’s real date shows up, the man asks, “What were you reading?”

“I was studying, sort of,” Jaskier says. “I’m a student.” Then abruptly he wonders how much Geralt knows about who he’s supposed to be, and he swallows, pulse racing.

Glancing over, Geralt’s yellow eyes meet his. There’s no obvious doubt there, just a curiosity. “What’s your major?”

“Poetry,” Jaskier grins as their conversation starts to pick up something resembling a rhythm. “What about you, are you in school?”

“No,” says Geralt, cutting his dreams of a normal date conversation short. “Are you any good? At writing poetry?”

What a weirdo. Jaskier’s heart thrums. “I’d like to think so!” This, at least, is something he knows how to talk about. Except, of course, it isn’t really the truth. “Well… recently, I’ve been in a bit of a creative rut. Just waiting for the right burst of inspiration to come along.” Perhaps this blind date that he’s stolen will suffice, but he doesn’t say that. “This place is great for that, actually. I mean, it hasn’t worked yet, but I’m sure any day those fish will sing for me.”

Geralt blinks. Jaskier feels a bead of sweat run down the back of his neck. He tries a different tactic, crossing his ankles and asking politely, “Are you a reader? What kind of things do you enjoy?”

“Nonfiction,” Geralt answers, slightly stilted. His gaze drifts over to the plants once more. “Not biographies, more like… encyclopedias and field journals. I like field journals.”

“Alright,” Jaskier says, shrinking into himself. This is going terribly. “I’ll have to go bribe some scientists for their field journals, then.” The corner of Geralt’s lip twitches, and Jaskier’s stomach flips. Gorgeous and weird and maybe, although he’s trying his best to hide it behind seven layers of nerves, maybe a little amused by Jaskier. Jaskier is going to fuck him right here in the garden. “Do you take journals of your own for work?”

A rather roundabout way of asking ‘what the fuck is it that you do’ but somehow, it lands. “I’m a… researcher,” Geralt mumbles. How very vague. “But I don’t publish my findings very often.”

Jaskier raises an eyebrow. “Do you work… for a company?”

“No.”

“Right. So you’re just keeping all your findings to yourself for no good reason at all.”

“No.”

“Then it sounds like you’re a pretty terrible researcher, actually.”

Geralt’s eyes flash as he turns to glare at Jaskier. “What?”

“Well, if you don’t share what you’ve found with anyone—”

“My… colleagues—”

“Aha! So you have colleagues!” Jaskier pokes Geralt’s side. “You aren’t just holed up in some depressing storage unit with months and months of research just for you.”

Once more, Geralt half-smirks. Not even half— more like a one-fifth smirk. “Years,” he admits.

“Years…” Jaskier tilts his head to the side thoughtfully. “Why do I have the feeling that you’re perhaps a significant number of years older than me?”

“I had the same thought when I saw you sitting here,” Geralt mumbles.

Jaskier snorts. “Seems like something Yennefer should have warned us about, perhaps. I would ask you directly how old you are, but I’m fairly certain that the only response I will get is a very gruff no.”

“No,” says Geralt, nearly smiling.

Making a show of pouting, Jaskier folds his arms over his chest. “Is that your favorite word?”

“No.” Geralt breaks into laughter as he repeats himself, and his whole face lights up with it. Jaskier laughs too, delighted by how joyous Geralt looks. He’s even more beautiful when he’s happy like this, and Jaskier wants very badly for this not to be their last date. “If I tell you my favorite word, you’re bound to judge me for it, as a poet.”

“As a poet, I swear not to mock you,” Jaskier raises his hand to cover his heart, barely restraining himself from grinning.

But before Geralt can share whatever it is, someone else approaches their bench. A second stranger— a woman about his height with short brown hair, wearing a pretty blouse. Jaskier notices her much more quickly than he’d noticed Geralt, and he makes the connection instantly. This can’t possibly end well.

“Oh, Yen wasn’t kidding,” says the stranger, eyeing Geralt. “You are very distinctive!”

Geralt stares back at her, slack-jawed for a moment. “What?”

“I’m Renfri,” Geralt’s date introduces herself. Jaskier wishes the earth would open up and swallow him whole, especially when she glances over at him. Her gaze slides back to Geralt, as does Jaskier’s, and yeah, he is very fucking distinctive with that white hair and those yellow eyes. Damn. “My friend Yennefer set us up for a blind date…?”

As Jaskier contemplates throwing himself into the koi pond, Geralt twists to stare at him. Jaskier can only imagine how mortified he must look right now; his face burns as both Renfri and Geralt look his way. Perhaps Renfri will figure it out before Geralt says anything; she looks like a smart woman.

But Geralt just gets up, dusting himself off and shaking his head. “No,” he tells Renfri, which would almost be funny if it weren’t the weirdest thing Jaskier has ever seen anyone do. Then Geralt leaves, turning to walk away from both of them, leaving Jaskier and Renfri alone together in the garden. Renfri frowns, watching him go with obvious increasing confusion. Jaskier also jumps to his feet, equally confused but determined not to lose sight of Geralt.

He chases the man— and it does feel like a chase, Geralt must be fucking speed-walking away— and finally tracks him down well outside the garden. Geralt is thundering down a set of stairs leading to a parking lot and he doesn’t stop at the sound of Jaskier careening towards him. Only when Jaskier desperately calls his name does he finally stop, slowing until he reaches the bottom landing and then standing there, still.

“I’m sorry,” Jaskier calls down the stairs, breathless. He begins to descend them but Geralt doesn’t turn around. “Fuck, you’re fast! Shit. I’m sorry, Geralt.”

Without looking his way, Geralt complains, so quietly that Jaskier nearly misses it, “Yennefer is going to kill me.”

“I would have fucked off,” Jaskier says quickly, hurrying down the rest of the steps until he gets to the bottom. Geralt still doesn’t look at him so Jaskier slides none-too-gracefully into his space, demanding his attention. He’s hardly red in the face or anything, but he looks embarrassed. Jaskier crumbles. “I’m sorry. I— seriously, I don’t care, I would have fucked off. I should’ve left, I should’ve— You should go back there, she’s beautiful!”

Geralt’s nostrils flare but he doesn’t look away. “Why did you lie,” he demands, flat.

“Well,” Jaskier deflates. “Um. You’re beautiful.”

“Hmm.”

“I really am sorry,” he offers.

Geralt, still watching him closely, says, “You don’t sound sorry.”

“What do you want me to do?” Jaskier throws his hands in the air, breaking away from Geralt’s stare— in the greenhouse, surrounded by bright lights and open, manmade nature, it had been easy to sit under the weight of Geralt’s eyes on him. Down here, at the end of a staircase and the entrance to a dark garage, chest still heaving, it feels too intimate. He puts some distance between them, sighing. “You want me to go back there and explain the whole situation to poor Renfri?”

When Jaskier finally turns around again, Geralt’s gaze hasn’t left him. “I want you to come have dinner with me instead,” he says, slowly but purposefully.

“Oh,” breathes Jaskier. “That’s— well, if you want that.”

“I already made a reservation for two. My name’s on the list.” Geralt is fidgeting with the end of his sleeve at first but when he approaches Jaskier he drops it, striding forward without hesitating. “Table for Geralt and one young brunet friend of Yennefer’s.”

Jaskier chokes on his own surprised laugh. “I don’t actually know Yennefer,” he needlessly explains.

“She’s going to hate you,” says Geralt, half-smirking, and then he adds, “Well, she’ll hate both of us now.”

They get to the restaurant twenty minutes late, Geralt’s hair mussed up and lips a bitten red and Jaskier wearing his backpack and a shit-eating grin. The host sees them and immediately tells them their table has been cancelled, and they end up getting terrible two-dollar slices from a hole-in-the-wall pizza place. They eat on the way back to Geralt’s car and then he drives Jaskier back to campus, kissing him soundly in the door to his apartment until Priscilla comes home and yells at Jaskier to get a room. As they squabble Geralt apologizes, polite and nervous, and kisses Jaskier’s cheek and tells him it was nice to meet him.

Jaskier goes inside and spends the next thirteen hours writing the best poetry he will ever write.

#my writing #geraskier fic #geraskier #flash fic challenge #events

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engekihaikyuu · 4 years ago

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Hyper Projection Engeki Haikyuu - The View from the Top 2

What’s In Tokyo Interview Translation with Daigo Kotarou, Akana Ryuunosuke, and Kiyama Ryuu

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“The View from the Top 2” will be the closing chapter in Engeki Haikyuu’s five-and-a-half-year history. As the performance draws nearer and nearer, what is your current state of mind? Daigo: Since this will be the final production for Engeki Haikyuu, we’re definitely more enthusiastic than usual, and I’m so excited I’m thinking, “Can we get started already?” Akana: We’re working very hard at rehearsals and really putting everyone’s strengths together to show people this incredible climax for Engeki Haikyuu. We want to deliver the best show we can. Ryuu: I haven’t been back since “Fly High,” when I made my appearance as a representative at the national youth training camp. This will be the first show to feature Kamomedai High School and the first to feature a match of ours. When I think that this will also be the last time, I get a little sad. I don’t want to have any regrets, so right now I’m just exhausting myself giving it my all everyday at rehearsals.

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Full interview and more photos under the Read More! Please do not repost my translations

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Daigo: Ryuu-kun hasn’t been with us for about a year and a half, but just like the last time we were in a show together, he is a kind senpai who looks after me and speaks to me very candidly. When I mess around and drop honorifics like, “Hey, Ryuu!” he’ll just mess around right back and say, “I’m your senpai, you know!” (laughs) Ryuu: It’s already a running gag now. (laughs)

Daigo: Ryuu-kun has always had such a welcoming aura ever since we first met, so it doesn’t really feel like there’s any distance between us. I can ask him for advice about anything. But this time we have the Kamomedai High cast in addition to Ryuu-kun, and so I keep carefully probing around to see when it might be good to talk to them (wry smile). But Ryuu-kun always bridges the gap, and I’m very grateful for how attentive he is. Also, Ryuu-kun's movements and dancing are really clean and precise. I kind of want to mimic him, so I’ve actually been observing him in secret for research. He hides such amazing potential! I’m talking about all this because this is an interview... but I don’t actually want to admit all this. (laughs) Ryuu: Kota doesn’t praise me like this at rehearsals so I’m really happy to hear that! Man, interviews are great. (big grin) Everyone: (laughs)

Since starting rehearsals, what’s the teamwork on Kamomedai been like? Ryuu: We haven’t yet managed to gather everyone in the cast yet. But when it comes to the cast members who are at rehearsals right now, we’ve been trying to define our individual roles little by little, and gradually in response we’ve been getting more coordinated as a team.

Kiyama-san, do you have a specific image in mind of what kind of team you want to create? Ryuu: I talked about it with our director, Worry Kinoshita-san, and with the elements we aim to show on-stage, we'll be a team that’s a sort of hybrid between Shiratorizawa and Aoba Johsai. This the Spring High National Tournament quarterfinals, and we’re the powerhouse team that stands in Karasuno’s way. So the image we’re aiming for is, “When they’re strong, they’re strong, and when they’re excellent, they’re excellent.” And I want to really get into that aspect.

From your previous experience, do you have any particular advice for your teammates? Ryuu: The parts that you create as a team make up a huge portion of Engeki Haikyuu, and the way we craft this play is very different from other plays. At the very beginning, I did tell them, “It’s going to be tough, but it’s important that you get used to the Engeki Haikyuu method first. Let’s work hard!”

Daigo-san, Akana-san, this will be your 4th time with this production, so how has the Karasuno Team powered up compared to before? Akana: We’ve become a really solid unit! Things like, “Right now, we should have this,” or “Now is the time when we have to do that.” Any one of us can just give a little comment like that, or judge the atmosphere, and we get to work. We don’t even have to talk, we’ve gotten to a point of incredible mutual understanding. Daigo: We’ve spent so much time together, so now we don’t even have to talk to be in unison on counts or with timing, so rehearsals proceed really smoothly. Of course we discuss the acting portions with Worry-san, and I hope that we can have a nice friendly rivalry with everyone on Kamomedai as we work to create this play.

I feel like this will unfold into a really speedy match that keeps us on the edges of our seats, but how are you personally thinking of crafting all this? Daigo: Rather than a series of scenes with really hectic matches, we want to draw focus to individual emotional moments... In particular with Karasuno Ace, Azumane-san, but each individual player’s emotional journey too, and Hinata and Hoshiumi’s “Battle of the little giants.” We’re going to show our relationships with all of our past rivals even more we did before. It’s going to be a little bit different from how we’ve presented things up to now where it’s felt like a festival no matter where you look around on-stage. We’re paying more attention to the drama of it, and I feel like this is turning into a production with an appropriately dramatic ending. Akana: From last spring’s “The Strongest Challengers,” we’ve been steadily progressing with all of the Spring High matches. Even if it’s a really tough match, in their hearts, the players are having fun just playing volleyball. That’s the image we’ve portrayed, and for those of us on that stage, we’re also feeling the exact same and having fun. So I just want to look the Kamomedai cast in the eye and together enjoy the fun of volleyball.

What about you, Kiyama-san? Ryuu: As a team, we’re being very conscious of becoming one cohesive unit, and for me as Hoshiumi Kourai, I’m thinking about how much influence Hinata and Kageyama will have on me and how best to show that. I also personally want to be able to push Nosuke and Kota with my acting. As an actor, the biggest aim is to master the role and see how much you can move people’s emotions, and this is of course essential for Engeki Haikyuu as well. So that’s what I really want to focus on.

Now I know that Engeki Haikyuu rehearsals can be particularly rigorous, but do you also add on additional voluntary practices and training? Daigo: I do 100 shuttle runs every time we finish rehearsals. I sweat it out, go home, eat, take a bath, prep for the next day, and then go straight to sleep! It’s basically exactly the life of an athlete on a team. (laughs) Akana: Everyday after we finish rehearsals, I go with Yamamoto Ryousuke (Tsukishima Kei’s actor) for extra weight training. Normally I do a bit of weight training on my own even during rehearsals, but in order to make my body even bigger than before, I haven’t skipped a single session. I’ve also been very conscious about my protein and carb intake. Daigo: It’s crazy how much he can eat. On Nosuke’s desk at rehearsals, there’s basically a mountain of rice balls. Akana: Yeah. Even if I feel like I’m gonna throw up, I make sure to eat every bite. (laughs) Ryuu: After “Fly High,” I actually started training with a parkour instructor in order to prepare for our match against Karasuno. Akana: Ehh?! That’s insane! Daigo: That’s why all your movements are so clean!! Ryuu: Parkour is a sport where you eliminate all unnecessary movements, so adding my parkour training, I now have more variation and range in what I can do for this show. All of the ways in which I can express myself have expanded thanks to other shows as well, so I would like to keep on this track.

And now I’d like to ask about your memories from past tours. Can you tell us about a particular scene or a particular line that left an impression on you? Daigo: For me the tour that left the biggest impression on me was our most recent one, The Battle of the Trash Heap. It was so fun to be in a play together with Nekoma’s Takato-kun (Kozume Kenma’s actor). Even after the tour, we continue to contact each other in our spare time, and I’m really happy that our relationship has progressed to that point. He motivated me so much, and because of him I now aspire to become someone who can also influence everyone around me the way he did. It’s not an exaggeration to say that Takato-kun is an inspiration to me.

Do you have any motivational or supportive words from that beloved senpai then? Daigo: I was honestly so happy that Takato-kun, whom I admire and respect, said to me, “I love Kota’s acting.” And I’m sure that he’ll come to see this tour as well, and I don’t want to disappoint him, so I’m really keeping his words close to my heart (laughs). I want to face this play with complete sincerity and with all my heart.

Akana-san, do you have any scenes you can’t forget? Any lines that are precious to you? Akana: This isn’t a specific scene, but what’s precious to me is Engeki Haikyuu itself, because it really taught me how precious it is to see something through to the end together with your teammates. We move around so much it’s absolutely exhausting, but the sense of accomplishment you feel when you safely accomplish a tour is incredible. And it makes me happy because every time I can also really feel how much I myself have grown and improved. I feel like this production hasn’t just helped me establish the baseline for my acting career, it’s taught me important things for just life in general. .

And for you, Kiyama-san? Ryuu: The tour that left an impression on me is “Fly High.” For “Fly High,” I was part of the youth camp and even with just that, I was like, “I have this much stuff to do?!” So it was rough, but the Karasuno cast had about double the amount we had to do, and even so everyone was just at heart having fun with volleyball. That left an impression on me. I can pound my chest and say that we made a really fun show! The fact that we pulled it off and met our goal is a source of pride and confidence for me.

Kiyama-san, what’s the most important thing you’ve received from your time with Engeki Haikyuu? Ryuu: “Don’t leave people behind.” In any sequence, if even one person loses count, everything comes to a halt. And when that happens, there are people who will get appropriately upset with you. It might feel like they’re being strict and unforgiving of your mistakes, but it’s because they think of you as an equal, and so they have expectations of you and love for you. And that is why I’m able to get a grip and never give up, no matter how rough it gets. Daigo: I feel like if you go through the Engeki Haikyuu experience, it really improves your social skills and thoughtfulness. “Even if it’s hard, don’t run away.” “What should I do to best foster my relationships with these people?” These are things above and beyond what an actor normally thinks about. But if you hold back for even a moment and slip up, people get hurt. We have acrobatic routines that are that precarious, so it's really important to be constantly communicating with each other and to never let up our focus. I feel that through Engeki Haikyuu, and of course other shows too, I've really taken to heart that this level of consideration is necessary for everyday life too.

And lastly, please give us something that those of us who are looking forward to the show should keep an eye out for. Ryuu: This work is going to cram in a huge amount of content, so it may be difficult to grasp everything on one watch, but there is a very important them eat the center of all of that. I think that it’ll be a production that fans of the manga will enjoy, of course fans of Engeki Haikyuu, and even people who may be watching for the first time. We’re in the midst of putting all of our effort into making sure of that. Please come to see our gallant figures one final time. Akana: The focus will be on Hinata and Hoshiumi’s “Battle of the Little Giants,” on the bond between Hinata and Kageyama, and the relationships between Karasuno High and all of the rival schools that we’ve defeated to get here. As Ryuu-kun said, this production is going to have a lot of things to keep an eye out for. Engeki Haikyuu is about Passion, Courage, and deep Emotion, so I hope that people will come to see us at the theater and take that all in. Daigo: In the manga, there’s a famous line that Coach Ukai says during the Shiratorizawa match: “Volleyball is a sport where you’re always looking up.” We hope we’re able to convey all of the emotion behind those words to the audience, especially given the current circumstances. We’ll try with all of our might to do so through this play. Engeki Haikyuu began about five-and-a-half-years ago, and the time that our generation has spent running with this baton is about two years. Engeki Haikyuu is popular around the world, and this production is one where I can pound my chest and say, “It’s fun! It’s interesting and great!” I think I will be able to convey that to many many people. I would love for you to see that with your own eyes until the moment that the final curtain falls. Please look forward to it!

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You can read the original Japanese interview here: (x)

Please do not repost my translations! This includes screenshots of bits and pieces taken out of context, especially if they don’t link back to this full post. If you appreciate the work I do for this blog and want to support my translation efforts please consider donating a ko-fi! (x)

#Haisute #Engeki Haikyuu #Hyper Projection Engeki Haikyuu #Final Show #View from the Top 2 #interview translation #translation #akana ryuunosuke #daigo kotarou #kiyama ryuu

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shemakesmusic-uk · 3 years ago

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INTERVIEW: Penelope Trappes.

Australian-born Brighton-based musician Penelope Trappes has shared a new single and accompanying short film directed by Agnes Haus, ‘Blood Moon,’ from her forthcoming album Penelope Three. The album will be released next Friday, May 28 on Houndstooth. Following singles ‘Fur & Feather’ and ‘Nervous,’ ‘Blood Moon’ is atmospheric and dreamlike; a song about repurposing the fear within.

"I consider the moon a temple, a mirror of our emotions,” elaborates Trappes. “The blood moon symbolically represents the beginning, the ending and a clean slate. ‘Blood Moon’ is about being uncompromisingly true to oneself despite societal expectations. Everyone should be free to express femininity in their own individual way. The burdens and expectations instilled in us at childhood weigh us down and hold us back. This song is about never giving in to this pressure and dismantling a system of oppression that is carried within our bodies. A metamorphosis." Commenting on the accompanying visual, she adds: "The short film ’Blood Moon’ is a modern take on the goddess Isis if she were around to face today’s world. Isis is the protector of women and children and the healer of the sick - but despite her powers, she would still be weighed down by societal expectations of what is expected of women."

We sat down with Penelope to discuss Penelope 3, being back on stage and what she has planned next. Read the full interview below.

Hi Penelope! How are you? How have you been coping with everything thats been happening this past year?

"Hello! I’m doing well, thanks. Keeping sane in a world gone a bit mad. I’m doing daily yoga and meditation, I’m vegan and very recently gluten-free, which has been great! I’m a bit of a bore with the health stuff...but I love taking care of my body. Also, after sometime of getting used to it, I am now embracing the slower pace of life, what with no travel, and less commuting places. It’s a bit like how I imagine things were in say Victorian times... but with internet."

You're gearing up to release your new album Penelope Three. In it you explore your metamorphosis through tales of motherhood, the divine feminine, anxiety, healing powers and their spiritual connections. What sparked the inspiration to write about these themes?

"I have always felt emotions deeply within my body, since I was a child, particularly ancestral trauma. I am not sure if there is a word for this, but it’s my reality and at times it has been quite hard to cope with. So as I have been going through a lot of physical changes in my own body in recent years, these have shifted and moved me on a much deeper level - emotionally and spiritually. On top of that there was the pending separation anxiety of my sole daughter leaving home, which turned out to be more emotional than I expected. Living overseas for all of my adult life has always been difficult in relation to my family back home in Australia. My mother is getting older and more unwell, and with my not being able to visit her in Australia due to the pandemic, i had to dive deep to find coping mechanisms. All the imposed alone time and the isolation has led to a lot of introspection. I am thankful to be able to find healing in channeling these feelings through the power of writing."

Sonically, how is Penelope Three different (or similar) to your previous releases? Were there any musical influences or sounds that you were able to incorporate on this record that you hadn’t previously?

"For Penelope Three, I based most of the compositions around my voice and words telling more of a tale. In the past i chose to pause on that aspect of myself and let the space take the forefront. I also explored a few more elements of my voice that I had trained in when I first started doing music, including jazz, opera, and sacred music. It’s not to say this album doesn’t have space like the last two albums, it does, but perhaps the pieces might feel a little more like “songs” on this one."

What was the creative process like this time around? Did lockdown affect it at all?

"The album was actually finished before lockdown. I wish I could say I was creating music since the pandemic, but sadly no. I was spending a lot of time during lockdown just trying to navigate life itself, though i did find the time to co-direct, film, and work on the visual side of Penelope Three. ‘Penelope Three’ actually falls into a strange world of before, during, and after. It has grown with the changing world. I think it sits well in all realms of past, present and future - which the visuals that accompany the album represent."

What was your favourite part creating Penelope Three? And were there any parts you found particularly challenging?

"There were times during the initial creative process that I went way out there, right off on tangents. Sometimes quite dark. I really enjoyed exploring this side of me but sometimes it was a little bit too much. It was challenging to decide to put some of this off to the side and stay present in hope. I would say my favourite part of creating P3 was in making the final decision to embrace the many voices I carry within me, curating these into one cohesive album."

What do you hope fans will take away from the new album?

"Hopefully they have heard Penelope 1 and 2 and can feel the vision and the love now that I am at the end of the trilogy. Either way, a sense of strength versus vulnerability and the empowerment that comes from embracing both of these qualities is what I hope they find while listening."

You have some live dates lined up in September. I expect you’re excited to be back on stage. What have you missed the most about performing?

"I have missed sharing the music and the space with an audience. Those moments when you can hear a pin drop. Sharing these fragile moments together where anything could happen will be pure joy!"

Will there be any changes to your live show?

"I now have a cellist and keyboardist / backing vocalist on stage with me, two wonderful women, Maddie Cutter and Hinako Omori. The 3 of us sharing the stage together helps to communicate the elements of fragility and strength within P3. It also frees me up to play guitar and really focus in on the vocals a bit more because in the past, I was multi-tasking on stage and had to rely on a holding down a lot of synths keys and chords the whole time."

Based on your musical journey so far, what’s been your biggest takeaway/piece of advice?

"Don’t ever stop creating no matter what family, friends or society tell you! Just keep evolving, changing and exploring everything that inspires you."

Finally, what else is next for you? Any non-musical goals?

"With Penelope Three, I have been working a lot on videos and I’m intending on exploring more aspects of filmmaking. I am particularly inspired by acting and the concept of story-telling and expressing all the emotions of life just through a delicate glance, the flick of the hand, or a tear. I am interested in telling tales with the body - with performance - but without music. I want to embrace the confrontational. I am also thinking a lot about musically what comes after this Trilogy. I have half of the music written already for a future album, but I just need to define what it’s all about before i continue on it."

youtube

Penelope 3 is out May 28 via Houndstooth.

Photo credit: Agnes Haus

#interview #penelope trappes #penelope 3 #blood moon

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fillingthescrapbook · 3 years ago

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Dear Potential Zoey's Extraordinary Third Season

The second season finale of Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist ended a chapter on Zoey's emotional journey as a person. From a girl who was friendly but disconnected, she is now someone who is willing to take risks and leaps on faith alone. Honestly, if Zoey's journey ends here, I will be okay.

But seeing the spark of the show come back in the last two episode, I do want Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist to live on with more seasons. So here's my pitch to the musical universe for what I wish a third season would look like:

Diving Deep into Zoey's Musical Powers

We could spend the first five episodes of the season with Zoey trying to figure out how Max was able to hear a heart song. Did she pass her powers on to him? Was she able to share her powers with him because of the connection they shared? The love? What if she's not just sharing it with Max? What if Mo or Maggie can hear heart songs too?

Of course, this magical music mayhem doesn't have to take all the focus during the first arc of the season. It's something to keep Zoey occupied, like in Season 1 when Zoey and Mo were trying to discover the extents of her ability, while a bigger A-plot is happening.

Like, vis-à-vis Zoey wondering about the implications of sharing her powers with Max, we could have Simon dealing with his new position that allows him to uplift people of color in the tech industry--and the complications that arise from that. And then when Zoey and Max have differing opinions on how to help someone whose heart song is screaming for help, the show could explore the new dynamics between Leif, Tobin, and McKenzie. Maybe with Leif deciding to move to Simon's department.

We could even have an episode that centers on how Zoey sharing powers with Max affects Zoey's relationship with Mo. And maybe connect that to Maggie's decision to date again and how David deals with it.

Basically, I want the potential third season to keep moving the characters forward. No more step backs. And no more Maximo subplots. Simon getting his own department to lead at Sprqpoint is an opportunity for the show to give him new challenges without taking him out of Zoey's orbit. That was one of the challenges the show failed with Maximo: it gave Max and Mo surface-level conflicts that kept pausing Zoey's progression just so she could be present for when Max and Mo need to sing. Simon's subplots do not need to be connected to Zoey, but they do need to be connected to her world. The show is called Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist after all.

And, maybe, while Zoey and Max are still figuring out the powers--they could do a glitch episode again. Like, maybe during Mitch's death anniversary, or when Maggie first takes off her wedding ring, Zoey could have a particularly heart-wrenching session with her therapist that leads to her opening up her world to Max and/or Mo, showing them heart songs in key moments of her life?

So many things can be done to explore Zoey's powers without letting it be the main focus of the show. Because an ideal third season of the show for me would explore more of...

Zoey's Extraordinary Relationships

Mo, Maggie, and now Max are Zoey's heart lines. They represent parts of her that we need to keep growing: Mo is the curiosity that gets her to step out of her comfort zone, Maggie is the safety she comes home to when the world becomes too scary, and Max is the courage that empowers her when its time to face the consequences.

Through Mo, Zoey could meet new people--and new heart songs to hear. I really want to go back to that one neighbor Zoey and Mo have who is too scared to leave the apartment. I would also love to see Mo bump into her ex-boyfriend Eddie while still figuring out the ropes of her relationship with Perry. Mo is Zoey's window to the outside world. And I really hope the show doesn't keep Mo away from Zoey again.

With Maggie, Zoey could explore and challenge her safe space. I love that Maggie wants to live life again, and I think it's important for Zoey to see Maggie making mistakes. Like maybe Maggie and Deb could meet a Mr. Wrong at the cruise they're going to. Or Maggie could want to take the next step in a new relationship only to realize that being with someone new isn't going to be the same as being with Mitch--who she loved and live with for so long. Zoey could progress into a more grounded character as she becomes more open to the problems her family faces via their heart songs.

And then Max could be Zoey's guide in exploring the relationships that Zoey already has and is continuing to navigate. Like, how does one deal with an ex you still have to work with? Especially an ex who did nothing wrong--while you're dating the guy he wasn't supposed to be worried about? What happens when Zoey's decision to include more women in the coding floor become an impediment to productivity? Especially when Leif and Tobin examine the ways they are different now that the latter is dating McKenzie, compared to when Leif was with Joan.

I also really want Joan to come back and see how much Zoey has grown. Even for just a guest appearance. And speaking of comebacks, I also want to see Abigail again. Maybe as a new hire for Simon's new department or Zoey's own team.

I want the show to live in the world they're building. Like, what happens when Zoey and Max meet Autumn again? Or what happens when Simon starts dating Tatiana, goes out for a business dinner with Zoey, and then they come across Jessica? I know San Francisco is a big city, and I know the characters introduced aren't bound to stay where they are all the time. But the show really flies when it focuses on relationships that have already been established. On characters that are already connected. On stories that are already there and are just waiting to be told.

Zoey's Extraordinary Thesis

I want a cohesive third season that has a clear beginning, middle, and end. The first season of the show introduced us to a Zoey who is apprehensive of the world but would do anything for the family she loves. Season two Zoey was a bit of a mess, but the finale allowed her to become a more grounded person. The third season should be Zoey exploring what her purpose is.

The first arc would be her figuring out her powers and its effect in her life. Why did the universe want her to hear people's heart songs? Dream Mitch says it's one way of the universe telling her she doesn't have to be scared, and that everyone has fears, vulnerabilities, and struggles. But where does Zoey take that lesson?

For the third season's first arc, maybe Zoey meets a person who doesn't want to be helped. Or maybe Zoey and Max ruins a person's life the more they try to help? The first arc could start with Zoey making a decision to lose her powers--and by its end, she could find a process that would stop people from singing their heart songs to her. And then the second arc, while exploring Zoey's relationships, could have Zoey's C-plot be her accomplishing tasks that would lead to her giving her powers up.

And then, of course, by the third and final arc of the season, Zoey would have an epiphany--of how much better her life had become because of her powers; that now she has honed her ability to help people, because of Maggie, because of Mo, and because of Max. And now she realizes that she enjoys helping those who want help. And that she would want to continue with her extraordinary playlist.

. . .

I may have given this too much thought.

#Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist #my thoughts #not a review #tv talk

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anamatics · 4 years ago

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so i’ve been watching rwby

and as I’ve been doing so I’ve been posting reactions to my friends. After S5, S6, and S7, in particular, I had a lot of thoughts and opinions. More under the cut. I’m going to write fic aren’t i?

Season 5:

1. Where is the first/autumn relic?! Like, we've established that Ozpin hid it well, yet for some reason it doesn't feel like that's the whole story - given where the relic was hidden this time, in some sort of n dimentional desert (where, if you looked closely you could see similar ##chemtrails - could people just walk through that desert to get to all of them? 2. I find it hilarious that Weiss just got out of Atlas only to go back, I'm very curious as to what sort of ~~damage this reveals about her in the coming seasons, but I'm also very intrigued by how reintroducing her to her father with the rest of team RWBY will shift/alter the narrative of powerlessness that he seems t be pushing toward her. I'm esp. intrigued as to what his reaction will be to Blake (as he seems very anti-faunus). 3. WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN FOR THE #YANGST. 4. The show has been pretty constantly showing us that most of Ruby and Yang's family seems like chill folks, but the ##absentmother trope is strong here. Given that it seems like only Blake has a mom, does Blake's mom adopt everyone? 5. Blake having a fairly functional nuclear family is fascinating to me, because it makes a lot of her choices seem way more political (at a very young age) as opposed to just a kid who got in over her head with a boy who was a bit older. I'd love to know more about this. 6. as a multishipper, I hurt all over.

Season 6:

Item the FIRST: Weiss barely making it out of Atlas only to be dragged, albeit somewhat willingly back to the source of all of her ~ trauma & family drama ~ I am curious to see how this plays out and generally hope that Weiss somehow stabs her shitty dad and Draco Malfoy rip off brother while being reunited with her 100% Cooler Than U sister. Also that Cooler Than U sister works on the unresolved sexual tension she CLEARLY had with Qrow.

Item the SECOND: The show's thoughtful handling of Qrow's alcoholism and Ruby's gentle efforts to push toward sobriety without like being annoyingly moralistic about it. It could have been handled so differently and I really, really enjoyed that it was handled in the way it was.

Item the THIRD: Weiss' new red scarf. adsfajshfaksdjfhthatsgayweissaksdfhaksdjfh

Item the FOURTH: The various Poor Life Choices Salem made during our brief sojourn to the Department of Backstory. Also Jinn is amazing let's keep her around. She can join Jaune, Ren and Nora as a 4th member of their team and just hilariously be naked all the time. 10/10 would watch for hijinks adventures.

Item the FIFTH: Ozpin sulking that he got all his relationship drama put on main like that

Item the SIXTH: Jaune's gay sister and sister-in-law and their baby and and and and (idk I just loved this).

Item the SEVENTH: BLAKE AND YANG HELD HANDS AND MURDERED THEIR TRAUMA TOGETHER PRAISE JESUS AND CAN I GET A HALLELUJAH? NOW KISS.

Item the EIGHTH: My multishipper ass saw that moment between Weiss and Yang when they were stuck in the basement and I'd just like to say I would be happy to see that too.

Season 7: Item the First: Weiss has a mother. Which we all logically knew she did but that scene with her in Jacques' office was just... a lot. Also raised some very interesting questions. When will Weiss and Ruby bond over alcoholic parental figures, I ask you. On this front, I am also now supremely, supremely curious about Winter's relationship with her mother.

Item the Second: Leftist Weiss. Well we all knew that Weiss wouldn't have voted for her dad anyway, but I think the tension between Weiss's clear orientation toward helping people and government for good and her father/sister's appealing to/embodying other forms of authority (corporate/military). This also raises an interesting point of contention between Weiss and Winter, as Winter's sort of this embodiment of what I'd maybe call a conscientious soldier – where she’s clearly in possession of independent thoughts and opinions, yet also seems to want to appeal to a higher authority whenever she feels conflicted (e.g. “Ironwood is making the hard decisions so we don’t have to.”). This actually draws a very stark line between Winter and Weiss – as Weiss has always been a freer thinker, who can and does think for herself and operate from her own moral compass. The moment at the end of the season between Weiss and Winter was just so delicious as I hope (HOPE HOPE) that they’re setting up for a ~~moment of clarity~ for Winter where she has to make a decision on her own that defies orders in some way for the greater good that Weiss can see so easily. (Also, please, my good gay sisters: Hug. It. Out.)

Item the Third: Leftist Bees (well really, leftist Yang, Blake was always a revolutionary). I absolutely loved the Everyone Is Lying moments in this season, and I do hate that the Bees were the ones caught out in it first. Black and Yang telling Robyn the truth also struck me as something that the pair of them would do anyway – the only other character I could see possibly slipping and letting info get to Robyn is Weiss, but I also got the sense that Weiss understood the politics of the situation better than anyone else and because of this was playing it pretty close to the vest. The Bee’s decision really jives with their partnership. As did getting to watch them fight together so much this season, they’re evolving together, and seeing them fight in tandem is a delight.

Item the Fourth: Splitting whiterose. I like Penny. I actually love Penny. I love Penny and Roby’s dynamic. And their friendship. And how ridiculous they are. But it really struck me that how the whiterose partnership kept on getting split until the final fight against the Spice Force Five. I’m sure there’s a reason for this but I don’t like it and I won’t hear it or respond to it.

Item the Fifth: The Not Spice Girls/Spice Force Five. Love these idiots, but they’re all cops. Marrow is the most delightful of them and seems like he’s about to go on a journey similar to Winter, Harriet sucks a lot, Clover was a delightful almost rip but also mmmwhatchusay. I sort of hated the juxtaposition between team RWBY and them, with the ‘just following orders’ mentality and the lack of friendship/cohesion between these guys. I guess now Winter can join them and they so they can have their Posh Spice.

Item the Sixth: Schneewood Forest. I feel like I could write a whole elaborate backstory with these two. There’s something there – the unstoppable force meets immovable object of it, plus the idea of someone who challenges Winter’s entire belief structure just by being an okay person ~with a merry band of queers~. I feel a lot of things. I want to explore this. Stop me I am in a PhD program.

Item the Seventh: The Tinman’s Heart. Having read all of the Wizard of Oz books, as well as the Wicked series, I actually appreciate that this series is taking nods from both sources for these characters. James’s decisions are … not great but I can see his logic – well right up until the part where he shoots poor Oscar. That was just rude. Also I do love watching him fight because he’s so very, very good.

Item the Seventh: Bisexual Bobs. How very Bi of you Blake. And how useless lesbian of Yang to be all flustered about it. Please kiss.

#it's fucking obvious that Weiss is my favorite character isn't it

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sierraraeck · 4 years ago

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Monday

BAU x OC Aundreya

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Summary: Coming back to the BAU is a struggle for Aundreya, but a couple conversations with her teammates seems to make things a little bit better. Story twenty-one.

Category: Angst and fluff

Warnings: Cussing. Mentions of sex.

Word Count: 4.3k

I had not been reinstated. Yet. But I couldn’t blame them for it. I mean, I did take the fall for two murders, go to prison, get out of prison, take a bullet, become a fugitive, murder another, make a deal with a criminal (that luckily no one knew about), and then asked for my job back. It was reasonable that they were hesitant. However, if I wanted to save their lives, I was going to have to find some way back into the Bureau. Which meant leaving the ring, again.

“You cannot be serious!” Mateo yelled.

“I have no other choice!” I responded, tho ring my hands in the air. “I made a deal with DeLeon. This is how it has to be until I can finish this, and come back!”

“Who’s to say you’ll come back? You didn’t last time!”

He was right, of course. I only came back because I had nowhere else to turn. “Mateo-”

“Don’t start that with me. I thought I finally had you back, we all did, and you’re just going to leave again?” He was tugging at his hair and turning away from me. I came up from behind him and wrapped my arms around his strong middle. His posture was tense, but he let me do it.

“If it was up to me, I’d stay here with you. But I am not going to let DeLeon take everything from me. Including you,” I whispered.

“I just don’t want to lose you again,” Mateo confessed, his voice lowering as well.

I pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “I will check in with you when I can, but we all need to be careful right now. DeLeon always has other plans, and I will not let him get more than what we agreed upon.”

“We’ve got people looking for him, you know,” Mateo reminded me.

“I know. So does the FBI. Hopefully we can catch and kill him before he causes more chaos, but if not, you have to let me go through with this.”

“Fine. But make it quick because I’m going to miss you,” he said, a cheeky look on his face as he turned around to face me. He had one strong hand on my back and the other cupping my face. He pulled me in for a kiss, then leaned back on the disaster of a bed we’d just come from, pulling me with him.

“Mateo-” I sang.

“You have a little bit longer, don’t you?” he asked, grinning at me with those big doe eyes. How could I say no?

“Maybe just a few…” I trailed off. That was all he needed to hear.

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

I marched into the FBI headquarters, bee-lining it directly to Section Chief Strauss’ office. I adjusted my clothes and smoothed out any wrinkles in my shirt one last time before knocking and pushing open the door.

“Ms. Chambers,” Strauss unhappily greeted.

“Chief Strauss,” I followed suit. She motioned for me to sit down.

“I’ve been expecting you,” she stated cooly, “I knew it was only a matter of time before you made your way back here.”

“I did call,” I pointed out.

“Yes, and I told you no,” she retorted.

I smiled, “Then you know why I’m here.”

“And the answer’s still no.”

“That’s just not going to do it for me, Chief.” My eyes bore into hers as I continued, “I was wrongfully sent to prison, and then I helped out a federal case, two if you really think about it, and-”

“What about ‘no’ do you not understand?” Strauss leaned back in her chair, clasping her hands in front of her.

“I would argue that I was more of a risk the first time you hired me, but you still did it then. What’s preventing you from doing it now?” I raised my eyebrows.

“You confessed to murder.”

“I was charged with murder the first time.” I was hopeful that if I challenged her first decision, she’d be inclined to defend herself, therefore having to make the same decision twice.

“You put agents’ lives at risk.”

“I took a bullet for a civilian, and went into hiding in order to protect those same agents.”

“You got our best tech analyst, Penelope Garcia, shot,” Strauss reminded. I didn’t have anything to say to that.

I landed on, “I have been a loyal agent with the FBI for three years. Yes, I’ve been out for a while, but I am coming back for a reason. This is no different than the first time you hired me-”

She cut me off again, “Then I guess we shouldn’t have hired you the first time. Now get out of my office.”

I ran my tongue over my lips as I stood up and took a couple steps toward her office door. But I couldn’t leave. Lives depended on my ability to get my job back, so I had to keep trying. The diplomatic way didn’t work, so it was time for a different approach.

I walked back over to her desk and stood in front of her, “During the three years I was here, I helped close more high profile cases than ever before, some that weren’t even BAU cases. I understand that you have reservations about my abilities, but I was able to do that because of my skills and my connections. If I wanted to screw over the FBI, I would have done it by now, I have the resources. But I haven’t. Instead, my network of people and the BAU team all worked cohesively to help find me, so if they can do it, so can I, especially because I’ve actually worked with all of those people before. “

“Chambers, nothing you say-”

“All do respect, Chief Strauss, but I’m not finished,” I interrupted. “When I went to prison, you gave up on me entirely. Sure, Doctor Reid had been a part of the team longer than I had, but I was just as much a team member as he was, and I know for a fact, you allowed, no encouraged, the team to continue working to figure out the truth when it was him, but didn’t return the favor when it was me. You did nothing. More than that, you ordered them to let it go. Come to find out, I was just as much of a victim in that situation as any. I’m not saying I had a good reputation prior to that, but any semblance of trust the Bureau had in me was gone. I was on my own to get out, and continue fighting some of the most dangerous people this country has ever seen, by the end having to recover from more than ten injuries. So after taking away my reputation, my freedom, and nearly my life, the least you could do would be to reinstate me.”

Strauss just stared at me, then took a deep breath, “Fine. I’ll reinstate you. But not to the BAU.”

“I don’t accept that. I would like my exact job back,” I demanded. She opened her mouth to say something, but I kept talking, “And don’t worry about my behavior or ability to work with them in a cohesive manner. I don’t have a problem with them as long as they don’t have a problem with me.”

“So you’re not..?” Strauss trailed off.

It wasn’t like her, but I had a pretty good idea what she was getting at, and I wasn’t going to make it easy. I wanted to hear her say it. “What? What do you think I am?”

“Angry,” Strauss offered. “You have a history of getting angry and violently overreacting.”

“I was for a while,” I shrugged, “but I’m tired of being angry. It’s exhausting, wasting so much energy on being angry with each individual member. I had 22 months to be angry with them, most of which were spent in prison or on the run and I’m over it. I just want my job back.”

She sighed in defeat, “Fine. We’ll look into you getting back your-”

“I’d like to start Monday,” I said, leaning down and placing my fingertips on her desk. I flashed her a smile, but I’m sure she could tell it wasn’t exactly friendly.

“We’ll see you then, Agent Chambers.” I leaned back from her desk and walked out of her office without another word. It was Friday, so I still had the weekend, but I wanted to make one last stop on my way out.

I shoved open the door to the bat cave to see the exact site I knew would be waiting for me. The entire team, excluding Aaron, gathered around Penelope’s computer.

“I hope you enjoyed the show,” I deadpanned. They’d been watching me for nearly the entirety of the two years I’d been gone, surveilling me in prison, in the hospital, and when I was with DeLeon. I knew they’d still be watching me today.

They were frozen in their spots, and I had to wonder why they even came for me that day. It would have been so easy for them to ignore the feed and forget about me.

“Chambers, it’s not how it looks,” Morgan tried.

“I’m sure it’s not,” I squinted at him, and clicked my tongue. “I’m sure you weren’t so nervous about me coming back that you asked Garcia to run facial recognition on everyone who entered the BAU floor, and I’m sure you weren’t scared enough, for yourselves and Strauss, to set up a camera with audio in her office.”

“It’s not like we don’t trust you,” Prentiss piped in.

“It’s not like you do,” I incredulously quipped, “Or do you track every move of all the people you trust?” They just stood there staring at me, like I was a ticking time bomb. And maybe I was, but I decided to fill the silence, “I guess it doesn’t matter now, though. I’ll see you Monday?”

I got no response as I left the doorway and walked down the hall toward the elevator. Just before I got in, I turned to the security camera and winked.

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

It was the worst sort of deja vu, walking into the BAU headquarters on my ‘first day.’ I’d done this a total of three times: the first time I met them, when they pulled me out of prison to find Maeve, and now. I was tired of wondering, and then knowing, how the team was going to react to me. The first time, I tried to lie, which didn’t work out. The second time, I gave them exactly what they were expecting of me, a bitter and twisted version, which also didn’t work out. So this third time, I figured I’d give them the opposite of what they’d expect. Third time’s the charm, right?

But, it was a lot easier said than done. Pretending like I was cool headed and only here to do the job and get out was going to be hard, especially when I still did have so much anger. But I wasn’t lying when I told Strauss I was exhausted. Sure, the team had helped find me, but what else had they done? Given up on me, accused me, and still didn’t trust me? All of those thoughts were rattling in my head, and I ended up with a twisted mix of emotions, the two strongest being anger and a general sense of caring. How can you be so angry with someone, enough to want to turn your back on them, and also care about them so much that you make a deal with a criminal, your life on the line, in order to save them?

Now was not the time to contemplate that, because I was about to walk through those doors and return to the job I once had. The job that took me so long to earn, and so little to lose. I walked into the round table room where everyone was already waiting. Seriously, the worst deja vu.

Skipping the awkward greetings, I just asked, “What’d I miss?”

“You’re actually right on time,” Hotch assured. With that, Garcia launched into her briefing. It took all of my willpower not to add more than one thing to the conversation. I let them take the lead while I sat back and listened.

Hotch told us that we’d be leaving in 30, so everyone grabbed their bags and headed to the jet. I waited for the group of them to go ahead, and then planned to make the trip by myself. I was about to succeed in that plan, until Rossi slipped into the elevator with me. I didn’t even look over at him.

“You’re welcome, by the way,” he said. I turned my head toward him, brows furrowed. “For letting you crash at my place.”

I blew a small laugh out of my nose, “I knew I got the red and gold pillows mixed up.” He smiled and left it at that, which I was grateful for.

We boarded the jet together, and headed out across the country to catch another killer.

Halfway into the week, on our way back to the hotel, Morgan hung back from the group, which he never did, so I knew something was up. Glances were passed between Hotch, Rossi, and Morgan, so I knew that they had some idea what this was about, and I fought the urge to just run out of the precinct.

“I’ll walk you out?” Derek invited as he approached me.

“If you really want to end up in a parking lot alone with me again,” I joked, gesturing toward his face which once dawned a black eye courtesy of me. He smirked and nodded his head toward the door.

“You are a really strong fighter,” he commented. I rolled my eyes at him, but he stopped in his tracks to face me. “I mean it, Aundreya. In more ways than one.”

Something in his undertone led me to believe we weren’t talking about the same thing, and I didn’t know whether to say thank you and walk or to stay to see what else he had to say. My curiosity got the better of me and I asked, “What are you saying?”

“Walk with me,” was all he offered. I squinted at his back in confusion before following him. We were in a super small town near a desert, and he started heading out into the open sand, the exact opposite direction of our hotel. I stopped and he turned around to look at me. “What? Gang girl afraid of a little sand?”

I trekked toward him, “If you ever call me that again, you should be afraid of a lot more than just sand.”

We, dare I say hiked, out into the desert at nearly nine at night, with more moonlight than sunlight. I don’t know how he decided where to stop, but after about ten minutes of walking, he just sat down.

“Okay, what the actual hell, Derek?” I asked, standing in front of him.

“Just sit down, okay?” I did as he said, and took a seat in the cooling sand next to him. Whatever he was about to say, this had to’ve been the oddest place for him to pick. “I don’t think I’ve ever told you this, but when I was young, I used to go to this community center in my neighborhood. There was a man there who was in charge of the place, and for most of my childhood h-he, um…” he trailed off.

I could see it in his eyes and the way he swallowed while looking down, and I immediately recognized what it was. The shame carried by a victim. I sternly whispered, “Who?”

Derek looked at me, “Carl Buford.” I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks as I stood up, storming away, “What are you doing?”

“I can find anyone,” I called back, nearly a threat. There’s not much I can do for him or for anyone else on the team right now, but this I can do. I can find that pathetic, sleezy, son of a-

“You won’t!” Derek yelled. I spun around to face him, realizing I’d traveled a healthy 50 feet from him. “He’s in prison!”

I sighed, crossing my arms. Of course he is. I marched back over to where Derek sat. When I was standing at his feet, he was looking up at me with curiosity. “You know, I’ve got people in prison, and with one phone call, I could have them-”

“Sit down, would you?” Derek cut me off. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes, trying to pull myself back together.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he cut me off.

My eyes locked on his. “I respect your strength for sharing this and being able to deal with the same type of people day in and day out.”

“Thanks,” he clenched his jaw, then continued, “One day, after nearly two decades, I finally got to put him away.” He put his hand on my shoulder, so I looked over at him. “Don’t give up hope, Aundreya. We will catch that son of bitch and bring him to justice, and if there’s anyone I know who can do that, it’s you.”

“Thank you, Derek,” I said, offering a small smile, “It means a lot.”

I moved to get up and walk away again, but Derek held me to my spot. A bit of a playful tone entered his voice when he asked, “Where do you think you’re going?”

“Uh, back to the hotel? It’s like four degrees out here.”

“It’s not that bad. Plus, it’s not like you’ll be sleeping,” he pointed out.

“That obvious, huh?” I asked. He tilted his head to the side as if to say that was the dumbest question I could’ve asked.

“After everything you’ve been through,” he shook his head, “I wouldn’t be surprised if you never slept again. Not like I ever thought you did to begin with. I mean, when Reid was in prison, did you sleep at all?”

“Not really. I usually don’t,” I shrugged.

We let the silence hang around us for a while before he laid back on the sand. “You know, when I couldn’t sleep, I used to just go outside and look up at the stars.”

I laid back with him, “Seriously?”

“Yeah, seriously. Something about it was comforting, you know? Knowing that there was so much more out there than just my neighborhood and the people I knew.” I understood that. Knowing that one day, you might be able to move on to bigger and better things than what you were going through, it was comforting. “How are you, really?”

“You just said it yourself, sleep deprived,” I only half-joked.

“You’re a lot more…” he struggled to find the right word, “Calm? Than I’d expect? I mean, yeah, sure, you’re a bit different, more on-edge and pissed off at us which I get, but overall you don’t seem that affected.”

“Yeah I should hope not. It’s not like that was my first time in a prison or my first time facing off against DeLeon. I can handle it pretty well by now. I’d honestly be more nervous had I been more affected.”

“That makes sense, but don’t discount whatever is giving you nightmares right now. Even if you’ve gone through it a hundred times, it will still haunt you, even if it’s just a little bit. Just make sure you’re managing that, and talking to people if you need to.”

I scoffed, “Yeah, I’ll make sure to talk to the team that has lost all hope in me.” I didn’t mean for it to sound that harsh, but I could see Derek flinch just slightly. He opened his mouth to say something, but I beat him to it. “I get it, though. I told a lot of lies, I wrecked a lot of things, and I’m sure you asked yourselves who was really to blame for all of this. Did Xena really deserve that? Was DeLeon really the bad guy, or just another poor soul with the misfortune of getting caught up in the Chambers tornado? Hell, I even wonder why you guys came for me sometimes.”

“Hey,” Derek jumped in very quickly, “Don’t ever doubt that. I know things are in a bad place, a lot of broken trust to go around, but don’t ever think that we’d just let you die. You still mean something to us. Some more than others.”

I knew who he was talking about and I wanted to laugh in his face. “Yeah, I’m sure I still mean a ton to the guy that doesn’t even want to be caught looking at me.”

“You do. You know, he spent every free moment he had trying to figure out what was up with you. He lost so much sleep over it that Hotch had to order him to drop it and take vacation time so he could rejuvenate.” My mouth fell agape, and my eyes went wide. “And before you ask, I’m dead serious.”

“How does Maeve feel about that, then? Especially now that I’m back?” I wondered.

“She’s supportive of him, of course,” of course, “but it isn’t paradise. We were all worried how it would be for them once they actually could see and spend time with each other. To me, it seems like all they have to connect on is their shared intellect.”

I opened and shut my mouth a couple times, trying to come with the right question. All I could land on was, “What do you think that means?”

“I think it means that things were great when all they had to talk about was genius stuff, but now that they’re together, there’s very little else going on, like no emotional or physical connection.”

I took this all in, and Derek let me, but then he asked, “But what about that Mateo character?”

I smiled a little, “What about him?” He raised his eyebrows at me. “He’s good. He and I had a thing before I joined the FBI, and we picked up right where we left off when I got back.”

“So…” Derek prompted.

“So things are good,” I bit my bottom lip and looked over at Derek.

He wiggled his eyebrows at me. “I met him, Aundreya. I looked that six foot four figure all the way up and down, and you’re telling me things are just good?”

I chuckled, “If you must know, the sex is amazing.” He laughed right along with me, but I finished with, “But we’re different people than we used to be. Yeah, we still have a really good relationship outside of the bedroom, but it’s just…”

“Different?” Derek helped. I nodded. He contemplated this for a moment and then followed with, “Why’d you come back?”

“I had to,” I answered, but I needed something more to convince him, “My ring is amazing, and I can still stay in contact with them from here, but I don’t really feel like I fit anywhere anymore. I don’t know, I guess I just thought that this was the one place where I knew for sure I was doing good, saving lives, and fighting people who deserved to be locked up. I guess I’m just searching for that feeling again.” It was meant to be a quick lie so that he’d believe my motives for coming back, but after I said it, I realized it wasn’t all that far from the truth.

He nodded, and then we spent the next half hour or so in silence, just staring at the stars out in the middle of the desert. Eventually, we packed up and headed back to the hotel, knowing that we still had a lot of work to do in the coming days.

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

We closed the case within the next two days, and were scheduled to leave the next morning. We collected our things and headed back to the hotel. Overall, the team was being civil with me. We came in, did our work, and then went our separate ways. I was okay with that. I had to be.

I crashed on the hotel bed the moment I shut the door behind me. No one was rooming with me, another thing I didn’t mind, and was about to change out of my clothes when I heard a knock at the door. I assumed it was either Hotch, Rossi, or Morgan, but when I opened it, it was a completely different mop of hair standing in front of me.

“Can I come in?” Spencer asked. I opened the door wider and stepped to the side, allowing him to brush by me. I shut the door and leaned my back against it, waiting for him to speak. He was standing fairly far away from me when he started, “I owe you an apology.” I just stared at him, so he took a deep breath and continued, “I haven’t been treating you fairly. A lot has happened recently, and instead of talking to you, I just avoided you, which was wrong of me. I know it’s going to take a lot for us to trust each other again, but you’ve already done so much for me, despite how awful I’ve been to you, and I need you to know that I appreciate you. Everything you’ve done for me, for Maeve, and for the rest of the team. I-”

“How is she, by the way?” I interjected. I don’t know what possessed me to ask, because I didn’t actually want to know, but after what I heard from Derek, I was interested in his answer.

“Oh, uh, she’s good,” he rushed. “How’s Mateo?”

I knew that was coming the moment I asked about Maeve, but I also wasn’t going to give him an in depth answer, “Good as well.”

We stood there awkwardly for a moment before Spencer cleared his throat, “Anyways, I just wanted to say thank you, I’m sorry, and I hope that we can try to just … work together like we used to?”

“Sure,” I nodded, “That would be good.”

The corners of his mouth curved up and he whispered a little ‘okay’ to himself, and then approached the door. I was still leaning against it, and I let him get all the way near me before I moved to the side. So he’s still willing to stand in close proximity to me. I wonder…

Right as he reached for the door handle, I did too, making sure our hands touched. He didn’t pull away, he didn’t even flinch, and we opened the door together.

We locked eyes for a second longer than we normally would have, maybe longer than we should have, but then I stepped back and said, “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, yes,” he stumbled on his words a little, “I’ll see you then.”

I gave him a tight-lipped smiled and he returned it, then we went to our respective rooms, wondering exactly what that all meant.

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#aundreya chambers #criminal minds fanfic #bau x oc #spencer x oc #criminal minds #criminal minds fandom #cm #criminal minds fanfiction #bau #behavioral analysis unit #spencer reid #reid #derek morgan #morgan #david rossi #rossi #hotch #garcia #prentiss

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niseamstories · 4 years ago

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Tl;dr: The heavily revised physical edition Dreams of the Dying, my novel set in the Enderal universe, is now available for pre-order via Amazon via my website. Special early bird prices are $32.99 for the hardcover with an illustrated appendix, $12.99 for the paperback, and $2.99 for the eBook. It’s a prequel featuring Jespar, but, for reasons outlined below, opens up a new canon. Amazon.de has yet to pick up the listing for the physical editions, but they are incredibly slow—I’m working to get that done.

Hey guys,

This is Nicolas, the writer of Enderal speaking. As some of you may know, I’ve been working on an Enderal novel, Dreams of the Dying. First released as a web version, I spent the past year completely rewriting and improving the book, adding and removing chapters, revising characters arcs, and improving plotting, worldbuilding, and style. In total, I rewrote the web edition three times from cover to cover. Well, it’s finally time: Dreams of the Dying is now available for pre-order on Amazon!

The English version of Dreams of the Dying will release on October 20. A German (and perhaps Russian) translation will follow as soon as possible.

Please note that this is a rendering and that the actual hardcover looks slightly different, with same format but a matte dust jacket and a matte, laminated case. A big shoutout to Dominik Derow for the cover artwork, Johanna Krünes for her cover design, and Joyce, for her tips, patience, and help with this product shot.

Jaaros Oonai, magnate, visionary, and master of coin, doesn’t muse about whether the glass is half empty or half full—only about ways to fill it.

Jespar Dal’Varek, drifter, mercenary, and master of avoidance, doesn’t muse at all. He’d rather just drink the damn wine.

Two lives that could not be more different intertwine when a strange contract leads Jespar to the tropical island empire of Kilay, the wealthiest nation of the Civilized World.

The mission turns out to be as bizarre as it is lucrative: Jaaros Oonai, the country’s merchant king, knows something that could stop a catastrophe, but he has fallen into an inexplicable coma. Together with an ex-priestess and a psychic, Jespar must enter Oonai’s dreams and find this secret.

What should have been a fresh start rapidly turns into a nightmare, as Jespar slides into a spiral of disturbing dreams, political intrigue, and clashing ideals, where not only the fate of Kilay but his own sanity are at stake. It’s not long before he learns that only a spider’s thread divides the sleeping and the awoken.

And that there’s no greater enemy than one’s own mind.

The hardcover edition comes with an appendix that includes additional lore, such as an illustrated bestiary, a guide to Kilayan fashion, illustrations of the (re-envisioned) seven Light-Born, a short guide to the Makehu language, and much more.

Even though Dreams could be considered a prequel, I didn’t write this as an expansion or fan service but rather as my debut, and a book that stands on its own. This edition differs vastly from the web version, and, though it is up to you to judge, I’m a million times happier with it.

If you’re on the fence and would like to wait for reviews—here’s hoping I get enough—I fully understand. However, if you would buy the novel, you’d do me a great favor if you considered pre-ordering. One of the biggest challenges as an indie author is exposure; since Amazon registers all pre-orders as Day 1 sales, a lot of Day 1 sales would give me a chance to climb in the novel’s category and boost visibility for readers outside the Enderal community. To make this worth it to you, the book will sell for a special early bird price of $32.99 for the hardcover with the illustrated appendix, $12.99 for the paperback, and $2.99 for the eBook, as opposed to $37, $16, and $5. Just follow the link to my website and click pre-order—it will take you right to your local Amazon marketplace.

Unfortunately, Amazon.de has yet to pick up the listing for the physical editions, but they are incredibly slow—I’m working to get that done.

I’m aware the hardcover is in the upper price range, but it uses the best materials, and the illustrated appendix cost a lot to produce. It’s also the only edition where I make a more solid revenue, so see it as a way to support my work, if you wish.

If you’re a patron and pledged $110 or more since October 2018, I’ll be in touch a few weeks before launch to send out your signed hardcover copy right away. Thanks again for your support, Dreams became a far pricier project than I anticipated, and your patronage helped me immensely in covering the cost.

Lastly, a word of warning before you pre-order: For the paperback edition, I took the drastic step to separate Dreams and all future Enderal novels from the game canon. There are two good reasons for this. First, the Vyn games were created over 17 years, the earliest one being Myar Aranath in 2003. Fascinating as this idea may be, it also means that the lore of the Vyn universe was created by a myriad of different authors (the latest and current one being me when I joined the team in 2011). As a result of this, the lore of Vyn has always felt a little disjointed and inconsistent; I initially took these differences as challenges to conquer, but the longer I wrote, the more I realized how much these inconsistencies bothered me and how hard they made it to write the story and the universe I envisioned. Let me assure you that this decision wasn’t easy and does not reflect a lack of appreciation for the work of the previous workers. I stayed faithful to the lore whenever possible.

The second reason is a trickier one: Jespar. This character has been in my mind for nine years now, and I love him with all my heart. Still, the more I immersed myself in the story of Dreams, the more I grew aware of how incredibly constraining it was to write a story where the end is already written; because Jespar is alive in 8234 a. St. (1234 P.L. in new canon lore), you all know he will never be in real danger. Again, there is undoubtedly an intriguing challenge to writing such a “safe” story, but—similar to the lore, I increasingly felt like I was writing with fetters on.

So, what does this mean? Aside from the fact that anything can now happen, the consequences aren’t that drastic. Enderal is still Enderal, and Jespar is still Jespar, albeit thirteen years younger and at another point in his life. I changed and expanded details about his backstory, but his essential conflicts are still the same, only refined. Major changes include modifications to the Light-Born (their aspects, how they came to be, when and how they disappeared, and the societal consequences of that disappearance), the time frame of the different eras, and a complete rework of the magic system. Minor changes include dates, the spelling of names and locations (Kilay, not Kilé), and others details I tweaked for consistency and worldbuilding coherence.

And that’s about it. I’m aware and grateful for the love many of you have for this world, and believe me, I did my best to honor it; I just realized I cannot tell a good story with one arm tied behind my back. If it’s any solace, I can promise you that new book canon is ironclad – I’m pathologically obsessive about consistency and cohesive worldbuilding, but without a solid framework, that’s a recipe for frustration and disaster. See it as a different but nearby eventuality: details and fates may differ, but the soul of the world remains the same.

If all that didn’t scare you off, pre-order away! I also set up a Goodreads page for the book, so you can add it to your To-Be-Reads or even recommend it to your friends – this is an indie project by all means, so I’m grateful for every bit of support. Please keep in mind that the Goodreads is for the revised edition, not the web edition, so if you’re planning to leave a low rating, I’d be grateful if you waited to read the actual book in October 20. It’s a different experience.

Last but not least, a big thank you to everyone who supported me on Patreon, created fanart for Enderal, or just let me know they enjoyed this game and were looking forward to the novel. This novel was meant to be a 6-month stint but, boy, did it turn into something more. It sounds sentimental, but this last year has been rough personally, and your support and encouragement kept me going.

I hope this story will live up to your expectations.

Best,

Nicolas

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#dreams of the dying #enderal #jespar dal'varek #sureai #vynblr #enderal forgotten stories #indie novel #horror #mystery novel #LGBT protagonist #cover art #artwork #gothic artwork #art nouveau

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buddha-in-disguise · 4 years ago

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I'm not going to review the season finale in quite the same way as I've usually written something afterwards. I'm ultra tired due to distinct lack of sleep. So it is more truncated than I'd intended. Also unedited so advance apologies if something makes no sense or is misspelled etc.

The episode was facing the challenge of not only being edited after COVID-19 shut down production, but what was intended to be the penultimate episode became the finale. So I'm trying to take that into consideration.

First part in Kara's loft. It was choppy. Don't get me wrong, I had nothing against the humour, or the scenes in general. Although they missed the glaring opportunity to place a "flew here on a bus," moment! It felt pretty disappointing they didn't recognise what has become an iconic line within the SG fandom, and made it even more iconic.

Before the bus though, back at the loft, considering that Lena had literally only just arrived at Kara's, with all that entails, it felt completely out of place for that context. Did it have been overwhelming heavy at that point? Absolutely not. But it was too close to slapstick at times for me and internally I was cringing. I admit, I'm not sure where they could've put it in, but perhaps if they'd just lowered it a fraction, made it a little more subtle a couple of times, it would've helped for me.

Some of the dialogue (especially early on) was also all over the place for me. It did get better as the episode wore on, but I wonder how much was the need to redo parts of the episode because of COVID-19? Unless they think to put an episode as intended in a future season DVD (perhaps S6 DVD), or someone gives us full details via an interview we will probably never know.

Which brought me to one piece of dialogue that I wish they'd not put in at all!

In 5.18, as I've spoken about a lot on Twitter especially, the way Lex screams into Lena's face, and Lena's flinch, and how that had been me 20 odd years ago. They then had the line as Lena talks to Kara; "Go ahead. Scream at me if you have to, I know I deserve it."

I know for many, they'd just see it as a line to use, but .... for many of us who have suffered abuse, who recognised (& in some instances were triggered) by last weeks episode, to not have acknowledged why that line was so problematic is worrying. It heavily suggests they're not going to address Lena's trauma and abuse because they really don't understand it (& again, if anyone believes she didn't suffer trauma and abuse, but accept others in SG do, go away with your bias from my page), but considering they haven't addressed much of Kara's trauma, particularly watching Argo destroyed again, being stuck for months during Crisis like they were, etc - then I guess it isn't a surprise.

But it is uncomfortable as hell to watch a line like that glossed over.

Overall though, I did enjoy the episode. Once that 1st half was over, especially (baring a few moments, including watching Alex do her badass Mission Impossible meet Cirque du Soleil moment because that was awesome) it felt much more like SG of previous seasons. So that was great.

Watching Lena as she watched Alex and Kara hug behind her was so emotional. Watching siblings love unconditionally. Something she thought she had with Lex, only to realise he hadn't changed at all. Lena didn't need to say anything, as once again Katie's acting brought all the emotion Lena was feeling to the fore.

Having Lena and Alex mirror they choice of words in regards Kara was pretty iconic. Then having Alex whisper, "Jinx." really made it work.

Seeing Dreamer in her element, including some great lines again. "I can't believe you left to fight Earth, Wind & Fire without us." "Guess they didn't take the bait? Maybe you should've been meaner?" As they begin the fight with J'onn, M'gann Alex and Dreamer - Alex to Dreamer: "You ready?" Dreamer. "Nope." Alex. "Me neither." Dreamer at her best imo.

Kelly going all, damn my girlfriend is hot & I want sex right now despite the circumstances was pretty cute and funny.

The Kara and Lena monologues being in unison. Now that was pretty amazing and one of the best parts of the whole episode imo.. But again, you feel as if they're matching Lena and Kara together with those scenes as a couple.

Lena not only protecting Kara, but stopped Andrea from going down a dark path as Acrata. Was also great.

Last frame of Lillian. Does it turn out she is the head of Leviathan? Because again they laid out more than once the leader was a woman. It has been noted several times now in different episodes. I was hoping Lena's biological mother, considering she knew of the legend of Acrata, but it is now looking more likely this reincarnation of Lillian is who it is, unless it is a character we've not been introduced to, but I highly doubt that.

The 2nd half of the episode was what we missed so much this season. In fact aspects throughout the episode were missing for too much this season.

This includes the women being the focal point of it. Brainy though absolutely rightly taking a strong subplot to what else was going on. J'onn ably supported by M'gann. M'gann who managed to advise Nia on embracing her dreams and not trying to avoid part of them. Dansen actually working together and both being badass in their own way (after all, this is something I've advocated for much of the season, & while fantastic to see, it never should've taken this long. Now where have we heard that before?)

But we still have glaring unanswered questions that I can't imagine would've been answered in 5.20.

Every indication since 5.17 is Kelly knows Kara is Supergirl. Yet we don't know for certain, because they've failed to show us how or when. I've said before, considering every other person who knows Kara is Supergirl, we had them tripping over themselves to explain to the audience how it happened. I'm pretty annoyed that we as the audience don't get given the same courtesy with Kelly. This is why so many of us feel short changed on some characters this season. The really aggravating thing is would only take a few lines to clear it up!

Now onto Alex. This ties in with J'onn. Where are they getting the money to survive? Did J'onn manage to accumulate enough over all the years he was on Earth to finance everything & pay Alex a wage? No clue.

Also, are Kelly & Alex living together? Or do they have keys to each others apartments? Yes, Kelly was at Alex's in 5.17 so the answer is pretty much yes, but nothing has been said! We knew more about Brainy & Nia's living arrangements from 5a than we do Kelly & Alex.

Kara's trauma. Lena's abuse & trauma. See above.

Lastly, the one most I know want (except a few vocally against), leaning towards Supercorp becoming canon. Again for another season, we end up with the, 'Maybe they'll do it next season.' being said. Particularly as in 5a they really went all out on Supercorp parallels to Clois and at times Dansen, plus even a little on Brainia. But unless something pretty fundamental changes behind the scenes, they're going to recognise what their biggest draw is, keep baiting but never fully go into it. And that is what I fear the most. When you've got media, even non-Supergirl fans saying it, but the show refusing to acknowledge it - that could be their legacy, and it will not look good or have a lot of fans look back kindly on them for it.

The 4 seasons it took for Lena to find out Kara was Supergirl was, in the end, terribly executed. This waxing and waning as well of; is Lena good or bad? Will she follow in the Luthor footsteps?

She is flawed. She's made some pretty awful mistakes. But now they're said she is good. She isn't evil or a villain. So now that line they've drawn needs to stay there! No more ambiguity on her character being a villain.

But you know what's not good? Feeling you can't trust the show to draw a line under that aspect of the character. That doesn't mean you have to have any one of them not be flawed, or to even cross some lines (they've all done it at some point, some moreso than others, but not one character is innocent).

When the show is now generating that level of mistrust on how they could handle future events, that is a problem.

Season 5 overall (particularly 5b) was absolutely horrendously bad. It had some moments of sheer brilliance (either individual scenes, or some episodes), but the rest was just flat out awful. Irrelevant. Messy. No cohesion. 5b became too much of the Lex Luthor show. Certain character additions were vastly unpopular and definitely caused down turns in viewer numbers (& again, from far more than a section of fandom). As did keeping Lena away from everyone for so long.

To sum up. Season 5 was a disaster.

Season 6 needs to have considerably different direction to even try & pull back some viewers (if they can at all). Distrust is rife.

The worst is no-one in the cast deserved this, especially as they're so talented. Some of the performances, even with how poor much of the season was, have been magnificent. But as the saying goes, you can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear.

I've never been so relieved a season is finally over. We'll watch our favourite episodes for sure, of which there aren't many, but a full rewatch of the season we normally do will not be happening. Some episodes were better off consigned to the trash.

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paperwick · 5 years ago

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Dragon Age Tarot Style Guide: Part Two

The second of my at least three part set of tarot tutorials. This sentence will link to the first one on composition if you haven’t seen it. It’s been a four year gap between these, and I apologize for that. To all you who messaged me and reminded me of this project, thank you. You kept me from forgetting and I’m glad. <3

It won’t be another four years until I post the next segment, which will be pattern and texture focused. It’ll hopefully be in the next month or two.

This is going to be a long post, so I’m putting it under the cut. Apologies to the mobile users!

As a general disclaimer, this is an unofficial guide, I’ve never worked with Bioware. All of this is based on how I approach tarot design, my inspiration being heavily rooted in Dragon Age Inquisition’s companion card designs.

Secondly, I know nothing about tarot. I tend to use http://www.ata-tarot.com/resource/cards/ heavily as a resource for my understanding of the cards and their meanings.You don’t need to know anything about tarot to do illustrations, just have as much fun as you can. <3

So I typically work with a color composition in mind, but for those who are struggling to imagine a color scheme, my best advice for coming up with a palette is to just throw down some colors in this sort of an arrangement.

Your Main is going to be whats forming the base of the card, or it’ll be the most widely used color. Backgrounds usually make up the main, but sometimes it’s a foreground element or the character’s clothing.

Your Cores are going to be colors that accent the base. You can make these pretty wild to be honest, but complementary colors and triads tend to work best for a balanced color composition. That’s what you’re trying to achieve with these--balance. Think about what’s drawing the most attention. The red in this example I did with the Iron Bull is very strong, and the teal I chose is fighting with it so my last color is something a bit more desaturated that accents the teal instead of picking another aggressive color, like a saturated yellow.

The Accent or HL color is whatever you’re going to use to add the final focus notes. It will typically be your brightest or your most saturated color, though not always. Sometimes your HL color might be the darkest of the composition because your main and core colors are naturally bright. It should be used sparingly, or if you’re using a lot of it, focused in one area.

You can use more colors than this! For my example card with Bull, you can see I made his pants a sort of subdued yellow and added accents to the background and lit parts of his body in in different colors, But you’ll want to keep your major colors limited to keep it cohesive. If you start losing cohesion, I recommend using a gradient map over your picture set to multiply or soft light (not at 100%) to tone down your most divergent colors, and you can mask out areas where appropriate.

This Bull card is one I made by picking my colors first then deciding on the content and composition. Color picking can be done first, or second as I’ve done with the rest of my examples.

Card #1: Rayne Amell [ @dracoangel ]

The Queen of Cups

This card went though several iterations with color, and the end product is less about story and more about atmosphere. The drawn composition reflects more of the story: she conceals her thoughts and feelings, but the world bends around her like water. I wanted to add more purple to this card, considering the character’s preference for it, so I skewed the color scheme in the final to be more purple. The first version probably makes for a more cohesive palette, but it lacks the same depth and drama as the one with purple. I added another core color to the second palette, which is totally okay to do. Sometimes the core palette might be 7 colors, sometimes it’s 2. The idea is to strike a balance. Colors that are super eye catching like the red in the scarf might better serve the composition as a lesser accent, whereas the purple core is a great fill because it’s fairly desaturated and doesn’t demand as much attention.

The HL color takes up a fair amount of this composition, but note that it’s strongest in the top two thirds, and is centered in the top third. The foreground water also cradles it against one of the darkest purples of the card, which helps center focus up top.

Card #2: Valora Lavellan [ @kylorensprettymuchanasshole ]

The Devil

This was the most difficult of the palettes, I’m working with two separate light sources in two wildly different locations. On the one side you’re at an ancient elvhen temple, on the other, in a burning chantry. It only made sense to have two different palettes for this composition. Where I really failed here was in not having a color that bridged the two sides. If you can engineer a color to be in between two differing palettes, you’re in a good place.

With that in mind, I revisited the thumbnail.

The execution is a little weak, but the idea works. The bridge color could work in either of the palettes and is a midway point between the two most similar values of the core colors. It’s used primarily where the separate palettes meet each other smoothing that transition. In this instance, it also helps to define the figure and double down on where the focus is, since before it was fighting between the top left and bottom right corners. Now the focus works as a diagonal from one corner to the other.

Double palettes are hard, but can make for some truly dynamic color compositions.

Card #3: Iothari Mahariel [ @theuselesspotoo ]

Six of Swords

This card was a struggle for completely different reasons. The palette is pretty homogeneous, primarily purple, with a hint of green. This one could use far more variation, and the challenge is in driving interest with such a limited palette. This is where your values are going to be super important. Your darks vs lights are always hugely apart of composition, but in limited palettes they do the most work in driving interest. Make sure to break up some of your larger and more prominent shapes with value differences, the snow vs the dark stone beneath it.

If that isn’t enough though, there’s a few tricks that can help push focus where you want it without heavily changing the color scheme.

We have three very distinct planes in this; the sky, the distant mountains and skyhold, and the cliff the figure is standing on. We can push the far mountain plane back by reducing the brightness of it, and we can pull the nearby plane closer by adding stronger highlights to the lit areas. I also brightened up the figure since they were getting lost in the sky a bit.

In addition, I popped the foreground colors with just a bit more red, to separate that plane from the more bluish purple mountain plane.

Just those small changes really sharpened up the focus of the composition, and we were able to keep the palette fairly limited.

Card #4: Tighe Lavellan [ @queen-scribbles ]

Nine of Wands

This palette was a breeze compared to the others. We’re working with complementary colors, reds versus greens, and very little divergence in either direction. The bottom half is primarily reds, the top greens, and they meet in the middle with a soft orange and harsh yellow. Palettes with complementary colors are the easiest to work with, the important part is making sure their balance works with your drawn composition because they like to fight. All of my reds are limited and desaturated because the greens and yellows, by the nature of the composition, are the most demanding elements.

Card #5: Lathari Lavellan [ @jisabeau ]

The Chariot

I knew what I wanted for this one immediately when I started it. I really wanted the character to be falling into a void, to mirror their emotional crisis when dealing with the deadly white bear of their past. But though this works fairly well as a base palette, it’s really missing the intense horror I wanted when I started.

So in my edits I pulled them further apart, and pushed the darks even further. The challenge here is having a dual focus, since I don’t really know if either stand out enough from one another at this phase. I have to pick a focus, either the bright whites of the bear or the strong orange/green tones of the character.

This is probably the strongest focus-wise.

But I enjoy the color notes of this one far more.

The point here is, sometimes things aren’t perfect, and that’s also okay. Pick your favorite, or at least pick one, and take that to completion. It’ll occur to you while finishing it what I needs. Which brings us to the final point, similar to that of tutorial part one:

Final Note: Don’t spend overlong on one thumbnail. I’ve spent days in the thumbnailing stage, that’s fine, but don’t spend more than 1 hour on any one color thumbnail drawing; it’s not worth it. If an idea is good but not great, just start a new thumbnail of something similar, and you’ll stumble onto the right composition.

Remember to explore your own color intuition. My way of doing this might be helpful, but if it’s not, don’t feel compelled to follow it. Everyone has a unique vision, and we’ve got to feel out our own paths.

If you have any questions, send them to paperwick [at] gmail [dot] com under the heading “Color Tutorial: Questions”, OR comment on this post (I might not see them on a reblog) and I’ll pool them into one area and answer as many as I can in a separate post.

Finally, I’d like to give another shout out to everyone who sent their character breakdowns to me for this. I wish I had time to get to all of them, and I really appreciate you taking the time to put them together! Thank you all so much!

Not making promises on when Part Three will come out, but it WILL be coming out. Thanks for reading through all this, I hope it’s been helpful.

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dltndvs · 4 years ago

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Lee Sooyeon on first full-length album ‘you=i’, love, and her favourite Taylor Swift song.

what’s the meaning of you=i?

you equals to i. very grammatically incorrect, but i preferred the way ‘i’ looked over me.

is the theme of the album similar to the meaning?

yeah, actually! i can’t believe you asked-- i figured i was going to have to somehow work this into the conversation. didn’t get to how i was going to do that, but [laughs]. this album is split into the me, or ‘i’, who met love and ‘you’. it’s definitely an album about love, though it doesn’t necessarily have to be interpreted as a love story between two separate people, but also a journey to self-love.

elaborate more on the ‘you’ and ‘i’?

on the tracklist, the first 5 tracks are ‘i’-- side a, while the other 6 tracks are depicting the story after i’ve met ‘you’. the ‘i’ is definitely much more moody and melancholic than what anybody’d expect of me, i think, but it’s very much me. june actually cried when i let her have the first listen! ‘you’ is much more hopeful, and something that i think is very much needed after the ‘i’ tracks.

what’s your take on the story, and a brief explanation about each of the tracks?

as always, i want to leave enough up to the listener’s interpretation, whether it’s a love story or one where you find love within yourself.

workaholic is a new sound for me, but a challenge that i really enjoyed taking on. the mood and lyrics are more sombre than all of my previous releases, and i think the fact that it’s the lead single on my album is a little bit unexpected. i wrote this with the mindset of both lee sooyeon as well as an everyday salaryman. the song’s very straightforward.

hard to love is actually the only song that’s really explicitly about a breakup, but it’s shrouded in a lot of self-blame. the korean title’s 나만 안되는 연애, which means a love that only i can’t have. there’s a line-- ‘it’s like i’m the only one living in a world like this.’ that i think is super heartbreaking. i actually got most of this done in one take, and when i was done with that one, someone in the studio asked me ‘who HURT you like that?’

to my youth is…i think everyone goes through times of sadness, where they need to both know that they’re not alone, but also to be comforted, and so i just felt like this was a track that very much needed to be released.

rest and as i am are both english tracks-- they both talk about wanting to be free and deciding to put down a lot of the expectations and living as you please. it’s sort of a bridge and warms you up for the ‘you’ tracks, while still being sonically cohesive.

number 6, the grand dreams, is where it starts picking up. it’s a very warm sort of song that’s ‘as beautiful as a fairy tale’, and talks about being a main character in the story being told. the rest of the tracks are all really just about falling in love with the ‘you’ that the listener has met; whether that be someone else or yourself!

bye bye my blue talks about loving someone so much you want to be bigger, be better for them in order to embrace them warmly, which is a very sweet sentiment to me-- the desire to change and to want to better yourself because you love someone. of course, sometimes you plateau and stagnate for a bit. your ocean’s about asking your lover for forgiveness and understanding-- to be kind to you as you work on yourself. it also reminds you about the love they have for you.

bunny and lovelovelove are similar; english tracks that depict a love story with its own ups and downs. love’s something that always has to be worked on, and a choice you have to consciously make, whether it’s to love yourself every single day, or decide to love your significant other’s shortcomings.

hold my hand is… yeah, it’s definitely a love song. it talks about wanting to be brave and pursue the love that you want. i think the composer of the song actually spoke more about it on a livestream.

what’s your creative process like? how was it like working on this album?

i originally planned to release the ‘i’ tracks as a mini-album. i’d worked on the songs before, during and after my first hiatus. i was going through a really tough time, which i do… think come off in the lyrics. they’re all very personal; i actually took a few days to record ‘to my youth’, because i would just get too emotional and end up crying while in the booth. i honestly don’t think i’d have been able to do it without my best friend and producer, ash kwon.

the ‘you’ tracks are all written, um, after september 2019? i spent a lot of my time off writing songs. not being able to sing and perform was what made me realise i wanted to do it forever, and so i just kept writing and writing like crazy.

hold my hand was written by monroe-- the minute i was done listening to the guide, i just kind of went ‘okay, well, where are the lyrics, how soon can i get into the studio to record this?’ he’s a very talented person whose artistry i really respect, and it’s really amazing that i got to sing a song made by him.

bunny was done in one-take in my home studio-- like, what you hear on the record’s the first take. i was just sitting down and it was not meant to be a super serious take, but for some reason, i got super into it? was reading the lyrics off my phone while i sang, and i actually was holding back laughter pretty much the entire last minute. failed very spectacularly during one of the ‘i’m your bunny’s, but it sounded good so we just left it in.

you mentioned that square (2017) was one of the first ever songs you’d written-- what’s changed in the 4 years since?

i was much younger in 2017, and when i wrote that, i was feeling very alone? i’ve always thought that i was sort of a complicated person personality-wise, and when i first started writing the lyrics, it was sort of an impossible hope for my future; to have someone be able to know, and fully understand and love me, which i didn’t think would happen. i was and still am someone who really wants to be loved, and i want to think that i’m doing my best to love and be loved now, which is really all there is to it, right?

the song was incomplete for the longest time, and it was only this year that i wrote a bridge that i actually liked enough to put into the song. my personal favourite lyrics are ‘you’re the only one who saw my yesterday, the one who knows i’m here alive, today.’ while the entire song talks about having someone who can comfort and be there for you, ‘my yesterday’ versus ‘i’m here alive, today’-- someone who’s seen the you who’s not reallty you yesterday but also the you that’s alive today and loves you just as much.

what’s your favourite taylor swift song?

new year’s day! i think my views towards love are very reminiscent in my songs. there’s a line from a show i recently watched that really stuck with me: ‘if soulmates do exist, they're not found, they're made. people meet, they get a good feeling, and they get to work building a relationship.’

it’s like, sure, there’s the glitz and glam and it’s nice and all that you’re with me when i’m the toast of the town, but to be with you in the resulting aftermath… yeah. i want someone who picks up the pieces with me. someone who stays even when we’re making mistakes, because that’s realistic, right? both the pretty and the ugly. there isn’t a perfect relationship, and i think the right person is someone who wants to work as hard as you do to build a good one.

what’s next for you?

i’d like to go home and nap. [laughs] a cold can of beer first, maybe. definitely more self-written and produced music. i’ve got a lot more up my sleeve.

#you=i.

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mostlysignssomeportents · 5 years ago

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Shanghai Disneyland re-opens

Shanghai Disneyland re-opened today with a suite of post-pandemic measures that are being watched as a bellwether for other public space reopenings. I've spent a lot of time thinking about themeparks and their future, so I find this very interesting.

https://www.cnn.com/travel/article/shanghai-disneyland-reopens-intl-hnk/index.html

Shanghai is a weird park to start with. Sure, reopening in China (versus somewhere else) makes sense, given the progress that's been made in containing the pandemic there, and the merging of the invasive surveillance state with public health surveillance.

But of all the Disney parks in the world, Shanghai is the one that relies the least on social cohesion and rule-following. It's basically built on the assumption that everyone who visits will cheat the system.

For example, its queue stanchions are chest-height and solid to the ground to prevent queue-jumping (I have no idea how they square that with fire safety). The entrance turnstiles don't have their own queues (which invites scrumming), instead there's a maze of riot-fencing.

It's one person wide (to prevent queue-barging) and a cast member directs the front to a specific turnstile as it becomes available.

There are limits to how many turkey legs you can buy because people were buying several and walking back down the line, selling them.

When you use a Fastpass, your face is matched to a database at the queue entrance and then once (or twice) more before you board.

It's a contrast with other regional parks (HK, Tokyo), where there's a high degree of trust embodied in the queueing architecture and policies.

Shanghai also has the longest lines I've ever seen at a Disney Park, and several of them are lines for GA shows with no seating, some of them indoors. They have strict limits on the number of Fastpasses they give out and all Fastpasses are gone shortly after the park opens.

So there will definitely be some serious challenges to re-opening. First, there's the queues. Switchback queues are space-efficient and psychologically inviting (compared to a long, snaking queue), and they're compact enough to encase in an air-conditioned building.

They're also impossible to maintain distancing in. It looks like they've modified some switchbacks with bulges that separate people in adjacent turns, but this makes the queues less compact, and still has waiting spots where you'll be too close.

https://www.bbc.com/news/in-pictures-52620179

It's gonna be 31'C tomorrow in Shanghai, and 70% humidity. Pushing queues out of the show buildings and into the direct sun is gonna be brutal.

To make things harder, they're reducing capacity on the rides to create distancing, meaning that queues will move more slowly.

Then there's the technical matter of whether distancing on an attraction is meaningful or just pandemic theater: the research is inconclusive, but being next to someone in a show for 45 mins (or downwind of the HVAC direction) sounds risky.

As does being in someone's slipstream on a fast-moving ride for 5-8 minutes.

They're removing every second restaurant table from service:

https://www.cnn.com/videos/travel/2020/05/11/china-shanghai-disney-reopens-coronavirus-culver-pkg-intl-hnk-vpx.cnn

But again, without knowing about predominant HVAC currents, it's hard to say whether this will do much. We know that sitting a couple tables down(wind) from an infectious person is a risk:

https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/69/wr/mm6915e1.htm?s_cid=mm6915e1_w

Some of the countermeasures feel like theater, such as the multiple temperature scans. It's true that these will catch cheaters who go even if they know they're sick, but the hard problem of coronavirus isn't cheaters, its asymptomatic carriers.

"At least 44% of all infections--and the majority of community-acquired transmissions--occur from people without any symptoms. You can be shedding the virus into the environment for up to 5 days before symptoms begin."

https://www.erinbromage.com/post/the-risks-know-them-avoid-them

Whenever I hear someone talking about temperature checks, I wonder about their calculus. Is it:

* Delivers some benefit, doesn't hurt, why not? * Mostly useless, but makes people feel safe, why not? * My world is full of cheaters who'll selfishly risk others?

I don't see anything wrong with temp checks but I worry that social cohesion is our only way forward (asymptomatic people who know they were exposed but refuse to isolate are a much bigger risk than people with fevers who do so).

I also don't want to trust my safety to anyone who engages in symbolic gestures "to make me feel better" even if they don't make sense. Those people distort our discourse about safety and security and elevate nonsense to the same plane as evidence.

Given Shanghai Disney's emphasis on cheater-prevention, I think the temp scans are about catching cheaters, but if management is assuming that people will cheat, then temp checks won't catch the majority, who'll be asymptomatic.

IOW: if you think large numbers of cheaters will break the rules, then you can't open safely until the rules aren't needed (that is, until a vaccine is on hand).

A red flag for me: it's not clear how Disney will operate profitably under these constraints.

Independent analysts say the break-even point for a themepark under normal conditions is 50% of capacity (probably higher if you're paying additional staff to clean surfaces and manage compliance).

The news reports don't say what the new capacity of Shanghai Disney is, but it looks low. One way to fix this is to raise prices. At Disneyland California, the prices have skyrocketed without a drop in attendance, suggesting attendees are price-insensitive.

(Maybe not so much after their fortunes were destroyed by coronavirus, ofc).

But high prices ARE correlated with more pathological customer behavior, from arriving at rope-drop and staying until closing to "get their money's worth" (no one ever enjoyed a 16h Disney day).

They're also correlated with customers demanding - or cheating - to get a turn on every ride and show (to get their money's worth).

I'm worried that charging more will reduce compliance.

I really wanna go back to Disneyland! I hope this works! But I'm concerned that it's premature and will set things back.

#pluralistic

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serendipitous-magic · 5 years ago

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Any HCs for older (30s/40s) / married byler? :)

Yes! And most of them are blatantly self-indulgent (don’t look too closely at Mike’s career path, I swear it’s not just me projecting), and I’m not even sorry. :) Let’s gooooo!

(Also, note: I took this in a very fluffy domestic direction, so sorry if anybody was really hoping for some NSFW HCs or wedding HCs or something like that - although I might be convinced to expand on that another time. ;) )

-As a young couple in their 20s they lived in a typical shitty apartment near where they went to college, but now as they’re getting more established and their careers are picking up, they’ve moved into something more similar to a townhouse / condominium in the city where they work. They don’t need an entire house, really, and besides, they’re usually not a huge fan of suburbia. If they did have a house, it would probably be one of those small-ish houses near the outskirts of the city - you know the type I mean. Lots of renovation expenses because it’s so old, but unique and cozy enough that it makes up for the hassle. I do tend to picture them in more of a townhouse/condo situation, though.

-Speaking of careers, they both got into something creative. Neither of them at all wanted to work in any type of office environment. Will fought tooth and nail to make a living with his art, which has made for some rough spots financially, but now that they’re getting through their 30s and into their 40s, it seems like it’s finally starting to even out and become more reliable as a source of income. He may do concept art for movie / TV / video game studios, he may do comic illustrations, he may do commissions, maybe a combination.

-Mike, meanwhile, leaned into his passion for storytelling and his leadership skills - but I feel like Mike would wander in a couple different directions with that. Trying out this path, then this one - less of a cohesive, driven career path than Will’s, just trying things until he landed on something he really liked. Maybe he dabbled in computer engineering in college for a while (see: Mike’s nerdy mini-conversation with Bob about programming languages), decided that wasn’t quite for him, tried some creative writing classes, some film studies. Maybe he was a high school history or language arts teacher for a few years after college, what with his caring and nurturing instincts, his nerdiness, his leadership skills, his passion for stories (LotR, Star Wars, and D&D, anyone?), etc. But that probably wasn’t quite for him. Eventually, after having storytelling hobbies for most of his life, he starts integrating that into his career kind of on accident - and that’s when he hits on what he actually likes doing for a living. He consistently writes short stories on the side and submits them to magazines for publication. Maybe he uses something like commercial writing/directing as a stepping-stone, making heartfelt hit-you-in-the-feels and funny-memorable commercials for shitty instant coffee and cotton tee shirts, and that block on his resume is what gets him into The Business for real. From there it’s small-time TV studios, sitting in a writers’ room hunched over cold coffee cups, chattering with a table full of other creatives about plot twists that will air on local stations. Or maybe he’s on set, wearing black jeans and a black tee that won’t reflect the light and mess up the shot, flipping through a clipboard of rumpled papers and hustling towards a fast-incoming deadline. Maybe he’s third-in-command on set, right-hand-man to the right-hand-man of the director. Continuity supervisor or art director. Or maybe he’s a practical effects guy, mixing up buckets of sludge or fake blood or figuring out a way to make a plastic-and-foam lobster puppet look alive. In any case, he’s doing something he really enjoys, and he’s steadily moving up in the ranks. Will swears he’s going to be directing blockbusters in Hollywood before they’re fifty; Mike always scoffs at that, laughing it off, but Will isn’t entirely joking.

-They have a medium-sized dog - something with a long snout and a long tail. Will counts himself as a dog person, but for a while there after the fall of ‘84, it was hard for either of them to be around big dogs without remembering the Demodogs. But it’s been decades, and somewhere in their late 30s (when they finally live somewhere with some form of backyard), they finally feel ready to get a puppy.

-Semi-regularly, they group-call the old Party and play D&D over the phone (much like The Adventure Zone). Sometimes one or both of them (Mike or Will) will be trying to do something else in the background at the same time - cooking dinner, working on a piece of art, etc. (Hey, they’re adults, they’re chronically short on time. Gotta multitask where they can.) This leads to occasional bouts of hilarity - like the time Mike almost knocked his entire laptop into a pot of spaghetti sauce because he was trying to DM and cook simultaneously. These over-the-phone D&D sessions are invariable merry and hilarious, cheering everyone up even after the worst of days. The Party is often spread out over the whole country - Mike and Will probably in one of the hubs of the storytelling industry (San Francisco or NYC), Dustin somewhere in the midwest doing scientific field work, Lucas still somewhere in or near Indiana, El and Max living in a new city every other year - but these phone calls bring them all together, and remind them of “simpler” times when they were kids in the Wheelers’ basement.

-Nancy is a highly successful journalist who travels a lot for her work, and whenever she and Mike / Will are in the same city, they make sure to meet up for coffee if not a day or two of old-times sibling shenanigans. Nancy has considered Will like a brother ever since they were teenagers, and that only strengthens as they grow older. But Mike, especially, reverts right back to a fifteen year old whenever his big sister is in town, throwing potato chips at her across the table and teasing her until she chases him with her soup spoon, and the whole time Will is just laughing with his face in his hands, pretending to be embarrassed but really just happy to see the two of them both happy.

-Similar situation with Jonathan. ^^^ He kept up his photography through the years, but like Mike, he’s wandered from career path to career path, just trying things out. (Whether he and Nancy are together depends on your own HCs, but be assured, whenever he’s in town he and Will are just as insufferable as Mike and Nancy.)

-It’s a long time before either (let alone both) of them feel ready to seriously consider kids. They both have a lot to work through after what they went through as kids themselves, and being a parent means being 100% there for someone else’s needs, often at the sacrifice of your own. Not to mention that with both of their creative-based careers, with not nearly as much financial stability as some of their peers, they’ve had some years where supporting just the two of them is a challenge. But eventually, they do get to the point where they start thinking about kids. I think they’d have at least one. Maybe they adopt, maybe they team up with El and Max (depending on how you HC the girls at that point) to do an in vitro deal, it depends.

-They visit Joyce and Hop (who are married) for Christmas. El and Max come home for the holidays, too. Joyce and Hop moved out of Hawkins together after all the kids moved away for college. Not too awfully far from Indiana, but far enough from Hawkins that they could leave the memories behind. Somewhere fairly rural, but not quite small-town. A large town or small-to-mid-size city, maybe, where they have a house with a big backyard and a big front yard and enough combined beds and couches to house all the “kids” over the holidays.

-Ever since college, they go to Pride every year - most likely along with El and Max, if the four of them can arrange to meet up.

-Mike and Will still tease each other a lot and play-fight and they still tussle for the remote or the last fry, and they still have nerdy posters up in their living room, and they still trust each other more than anything else and they still geek out over their interests together and they still bicker and protect each other and love each other. So, really, not too much has changed since they were teenagers - they’re just in a better (read: much less homophobic) environment, working on their mental health, growing, healing from years-old traumas, doing what they love for a living (after decades of fighting tooth and nail to make it work), spending time with loved ones. Just living life. Taking new risks. Riding the ups and downs together.

#asks #byeler #byler #HCs #married byeler #adult byeler #basically the moral of this story is that everything is gonna be okay kids #you'll find something you love doing #and you'll have a nice home that you get to build with someone you love #and you'll visit your friends and family #and you'll cook dinner and listen to podcasts and it'll be okay #just in case anyone needed to hear that

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jenner-benjamin · 4 years ago

Text

Seen as Read

Parietal Poem written with acrylic paint on Moleskine sketchbook paper.

Seen as Read was a seven week online course hosted by SJ Fowler and offered the chance to explore a variety of visual poetry processes. Each week we were sent a presentation of source material, ideas and inspiration for the week ahead. We would then use this as a basis for investigation and offer our thoughts, outcomes and works in progress on a blog forum for everyone to share and comment on.

The course introduced us to the study of visual poetry which I found extremely enlightening. There were aspects of the history of aesthetic linguistics that I had not considered until starting this course. On offering a definition of poetry Fowler explained that it was ‘language referent which doesn’t posit communication or information as its primary purpose’ - therefore a haiku and a scrawled note on the back of a receipt are both forms of poetry.

In the first week we were taught about the difference between phonograms and logograms; phonograms use individual written characters to represent sounds, whereas logograms are written characters that represent whole words. Examples of logograms would include; ancient Egyptian Hieroglyphics and Mayan scripts. I found the historical detail of this week to be very beneficial. I was not naive to how widespread visual poetry is around the globe, but had not considered how far back in time one could come across it. We were introduced to a plethora of artists and reference points that included the likes of Henri Michaux, Cy Twombly, The Voynich Manuscript and the Rosetta Stone (as well as some more obscure points of interest).

As an ode to the parietal poetry on cave walls, the first activity I indulged in was making my own poems with my finger tips. I explained how there was an acute closeness to the material when applying it directly with your fingers. This way of working mirrored the close-to-hand ethos that I explored during the three month lockdown earlier in the year.

Parietal Poem written with an ink stamp pad on Moleskine sketchbook paper.

After this exercise I chose to make my own sequence of logograms, taking inspiration from things found in my bedroom. I wrote these on exercise book paper and began practicing my invented glyphs. The rhythmic repitition of scrawling the glyphs over and over reminded me of my childhood when I was learning to write the alphabet on lined paper. The reiteration of writing the same character allows for delicate differences inferred by it being handwritten that the eye becomes drawn to. I intended to compose these glyphs in to poetry during the week but for now I quite enjoy them as they are.

An example of a repeated logogram on exercise book paper.

The second week was beneficial in encouraging me ask questions about the nature of writing. I do often fear that the work I make runs the risk of becoming relentless and contrived so this was particularly useful.

We were asked to ponder what is the visual character of writing? What is writing without semantic meaning? What is the capacity for an imagined language to mean beyond the representational or referential? This served as an excellent starting point for the week ahead. With reference to what Fowler posited in the first week’s presentation I would reiterate that writing without semantic meaning is pure poetry - it does not seek to communicate information as its primary purpose. I would also argue that an asemic written language can still ‘mean’ despite it being non representational or referential. The meaning might be entirely aesthetic, or it might be emotionally expressive, it might even exist as a means of translating a pre-existing language.

As a printmaker I have wrestled with where the process fits in the world of printmaking. Is asemic writing to be drawn or written only? Would repeating the writing through a print process detract from its agency as a handwritten process? I was stimulated by the prompt in the slides about formulating an alphabetical system that is pictorial or logogrammatic. Encouraged by this and my previous research into typography I decided to make my own asemic font. I felt the exercise would be a good way of marrying asemic writing with printmaking - my thinking being the font could be physically made and printed in a typesetter.

A translation of the first five letters in the first draft of my asemic typeface.

My starting point was going through my sketchbooks and portfolio to locate certain asemic characters that I had repeated over the months. It was this set of characters that I then digitised on my phone, attributing each character form to existing letters, numbers and punctuation marks.

Overall I found this exercise to be very successful as my first attempt at digitising my asemic language. Now that I have the app saved to my phone I can experiment with it further and design a cohesive body of abstract letterforms to print from when university reopens. I feel that this is the first step in potentially creating publications and artist books that find a common ground between asemic writing and printmaking.

‘Pangram’ - a sentence that uses every letter in the alphabet - first draft of my asemic typeface.

A selection of letters written in the second draft of my asemic typeface.

There is much scope for experimentation and a playfulness around the idea of the typeface being decoded. I could explore the dialogue between asemic writing being solely abstract and yet decipherable. I might be tempted to play on this in the same way Luigi Serafini did in his Codex Seraphinianus. With the existence of caesar cyphers and cypher wheels there is a wealth of opportunity for further consideration.

I came across weeks that I struggled with more so than others, in particular those based on art poetry and concrete poetry. I think that because the lines are so blurred between the subjects of each week I found that I was a little unsure as to how to approach them for fear of what I make not falling under the ‘correct’ umbrella. In hindsight I think the most fruitful approach would have been to read and research more and put less emphasis on creating, after all this was a learning experience and not a deadline for the next great work of art.

I took a selection of lyrics from Enter Shikari’s most recent album ‘Nothing is True & Everything is Possible’ and made a series of monoprints on newsprint that I initially thought could be pasted on to a wall but in actual fact work quite well as a poem in book form. The lyrics work as individual loose leaves but when coupled with the repetition of the word ‘meanwhile’ they become quite powerful and moving. The poem reads as follows:

Meanwhile,

Masking weakness, masking woe.

We'll disobey our Frankenstein.

Meanwhile,

It's primal, it's tribal.

And I'll die.

Red sky at night, a shepherd's flashlight,

This isn't what I planned.

We orbit fast.

Meanwhile,

Search and seek,

I'm gonna track you down,

Search and seek,

A cosmic dance.

Now I see you,

I can't walk away.

Meanwhile,

I wish this was over, after dark.

Meanwhile,

Nothing is true,

You're not really here.

Meanwhile,

Give me a sign,

Why?

Meanwhile,

I no longer want to hide,

I am the judge,

I can hear alarm bells,

A crisis of creativity.

‘You’re not really here’ - monoprint on newsprint.

‘A crisis of creativity’ - monoprint on newsprint.

‘A cosmic dance’ - monoprint on newsprint.

‘We’ll disobey our Frankenstein’ - monoprint on newsprint.

Concrete poetry found me very much outside my comfort zone, my work tends to be more loose and free and I found myself thinking a bit more rigidly. I am used to working with a bit more expression and gesture, so this was quite the challenge. Nevertheless I made an attempt at some concrete poems of the many plants I have dotted around the place. These were made whilst isolating at home, I found that in times where I felt unsettled and uneasy it was good to have some positive growth in the form of plant-life keeping me company. These ideas are very basic and leave much room for improvement, should I wish to return to this method of working.

‘Plant Pot’ - letraset on Moleskine sketchbook paper.

‘Cactus Pot’ - letraset on Moleskine sketchbook paper.

‘Ivy Ivy Ivy’ - letraset on Moleskine sketchbook paper.

‘Cactus’ - letraset on Moleskine sketchbook paper.

One of the later weeks of the course prompted the notion of scale. What would be the consequence of making poetry for a billboard wall? I have briefly discussed how my work tends to be quite intimate, typically taking the form of smaller tactile prints or books. The prospect of poster art seemed a bit daunting at first. What sentiment would the text offer when not only enlarged for all to see, but also in the public domain as opposed to the sometimes solitary book format?

I composed some poetry earlier on in the year as part of an artist residency at Bower Ashton Library that will be bound in to small poetry anthologies when the university studios re-open. For the purpose of this week’s prompts I made an installation in my bedroom studio, projecting these poems and corresponding drawings on to the walls at various angles. The results aren’t quite as I’d hoped or imagined but the chance to experiment with the concept was a welcome one, I am keen to return to this and develop it further. This week highlighted that there a multitude of ways we might interact with our audience and the value of looking at your work with fresh eyes.

‘Your Mouth’ - poem projected onto an interior wall.

‘Black, White and Grey’ - poem projected onto an interior wall.

‘Two Men’ - poem projected onto an interior wall.

The final output I made during the course was an edition of artist’s books inspired by monostich poetry. I hadn’t heard of it before and wondered how I could make a book with just one line of text. I made monoprints of a line from the Spin Doctors' song, ‘Two Princes’ that reads, ‘if you would like to talk for hours, just go ahead now’. This varied edition of concertina books is a dialogue of sorts between the ‘two princes’, each side being a line spoken.

‘Two Princes’ - accordion folded artist’s book with monoprinted pages.

Participation on the Seen as Read course has been extremely beneficial. I have been tempted out of my creative comfort zone on more than one occasion, which is always a valuable tool as an artist. It teaches you to not rest on your laurels and even though you will most likely return to your favoured processes, you might bring with you a method of creating that you had not before. The most worthwhile aspect to take away is the contacts I have made. A handful of participants have agreed to continue our correspondence beyond the confines of the seven weeks and will proceed to critique and support each other on a similar online forum to that which we have used for Seen as Read. I hope that this is the beginning of an active role in joining in the global conversation regarding visual poetry.

#practice #poetry #visual poetry #vispo #asemic art #asemic #asemia #asemic writing #concrete poetry #book art #abstract art #artistsbook #artists book #monoprint #printmaking #masters #mamdp

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