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[jeckole4lyfe]

I need some online friends bruh

I only find about 4 of my irl ones not really annoying

[cinewhore]

Bathroom is slowly gaining personality

[redstrewn]

[undefinedlabel]

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[wizzard890]

"the woman who put in the work to make it a best picture"

Margot Robbie produced the movie. When movies are nominated for best picture, that honor goes to the producer. The Barbie cultural juggernaut owes far more to her efforts as a producer than an actress. Also, even if you believe she was unjustly locked out of the acting category (she was not), she was beat out by five other women. What does that possibly reveal about the "subconscious minds of the voters"?

Greta Gerwig has been nominated for her screenplay, which carries the message that resonated with audiences. It's a highly competitive year for directors, and her direction of Barbie is not one of the best things about the movie. I'd challenge anyone who has seen the rest of the movies to pick and then stand behind the nominated director they think Gerwig should bump. (It's incredible how many of the Barbie complainers don't realize that Justine Triet is a woman.)

Barbie has been nominated for eight academy awards. Better movies have received far fewer. It's wild watching people who don't understand what these individual awards are for complain about what They Mean For Us As A Culture.

barb

it really is kind of wild that academy awards understood the plot of barbie enough to nominate it for best picture but didnt INTERNALIZE the plot enough to nominate the women who put in the work to make it a best picture

and obviously congrats to america ferrera she is also very important part of what makes the movie work. heck ryan gosling is amazing in it he deserves nomination as well but whole thing is just such a bizarre look into the subconscious minds of the voters it really is interesting

[movie4us]

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[beatsboy]

8.28.23

it's monday and i am sitting at my desk in the same tee shirt i wore yesterday and the boxers that used to be your dad's before he died. i am trying not to think about you, but these are the only pair that don't give me cramps from squeezing my uterus too tight.

why i am i getting over a boy when i should be celebrating everything i just did? maybe because it doesn't feel like it. the morning after the show that i have spent over the last month of my life breaking stretching myself thinner and thinner, breaking my body for, i cried. not because of relief, but because the first thing someone told me in the morning was that i hadn't done enough for them.

so maybe it's easier to focus on something so simple: we are over, than it is to focus on something so much bigger and more complicated: i feel like i am trying so hard to support everyone else and yet it is never enough and there is never anything leftover for me. i think the reason what they said broke me was that it made me feel like my dad, which is, of course, the worst feeling i know how to feel.

it is worse than feeling like i lost the love of my life to a poorly-planned and inconveniently-timed attempt at a life together. we were never supposed to make it. we rushed things for the beginning, we fell in love so fucking fast. we fused together so instantly that it was hard to go back once it had set. everyone told me we were doomed. it actually shocked me for the period of time when everyone thought we were perfect together. CX didn't like him, but i knew this was mostly because she was in love with me. but i knew why i loved him. his acceptance. of all the things that made me want to die when i was younger. he wasn't afraid. in fact, he loved them. he loved the parts of me that no one could ever understand. i asked myself: if i had knew this boy when i was a teenager, would i have learned how to hate myself so strongly?

i had Z in hs, but Z was different. he loved me, and he loved those parts of me, but it was different. sometimes it felt like he loved those parts of me because they made me broken. because they made this hot, cool, badass person something he could afford, through my deficiencies. and though i think he liked to think he could fix everything about me by teaching me the art of vulnerability, everytime we tried to help each other, everything became worse.

being in love with TB was the only time in my life that someone has actually been able to make it better. but, as much as i would like to say that this was because of him, sometimes i think the only reason it worked was because i let him.

i will always remember the night, after my third month-long c0ke bender, after going out to a show in LA (i had been doing this a lot back then, trying to be as immersed in the hyperpop scene as i possibly could, the music was the only thing that felt better than drugs) and trying to get a few hours before work the next day, as we were lying down in my bed, he whispered to me: i'm worried about you. instantly, i got defensive, as drug addicts often do. at that point, he hadn't even realized that i'd done nearly an ounce on my own in a single month. i told him that i needed it, that it helped me be able to go to work and go out and still be able to be social and meet people, that it was important. and then, i heard the pain and fear in his voice. knowing that he'd already lost someone he loved to drugs and would never see him again. so i said i'm sorry, i'm going to stop, and i cried in his arms, remembering the other people who had tried to tell me to stop or slow down before him, realizing that he was the only person i would change for.

i couldn't stop, though. if i'd stopped, after doing coke every day for a month, i would have gone into full-on detox. i had one more day in the work week, so the next day, i left him sleeping in the bed that morning at 7am, took another baggie from his jacket pocket, did a line, and drove to work. this was around the time that i crashed my car on my way to work, falling asleep at the wheel. i was not a whole person. after the day was done, i came home, i fell asleep, and i stayed in bed for seven more days, running a fever and sweating, barely eating, just flushing all of the drugs out of my system.

at parties and shows when people offer me k or c0ke, i always act like my nose is just destroyed and i can't snort things anymore. that's not a lie, but the truth is that everytime i see the little baggie come out of someone's pocket, the spoon, a fingernail, everytime i see a group of giggling people go into a bathroom together, only to go in after to see white powder sprinkled on the floor, i feel a pit in my stomach clench tighter and think about what it would be like to go back to that life. in my memory, it feels so much easier. i wasn't this tired back then, was i? how could i have? i barely slept. but of course, this is a lie. i was the unhealthiest i've ever been. i lost over 20 pounds in a month. i barely ate. i did lines while at lunch with my mother so i could keep up the conversation and then would lie about having had a late breakfast when i couldn't finish my meal. i would do it in the bathroom, my car, at my fucking desk on my lunch break. i was crying all the time. everything was falling apart. i was $25,000 in debt (what's changed lmao), i had gone through 3 cars in less than a year, when i didn't even have insurance, no one in my family talked to me, not even my own brother, who had been my closest ally my whole life.

it took 3 times detoxing to finally accept that i never wanted to have to do that again. that is why i don't do c0ke anymore. because i can't just do a line. it isn't enough. i can't just do five lines. i have to have my own bag. and it won't stop there. i would try to detox and reset my tolerance and go back to my college days when a bump would last me an hour, but it never worked. i would end up doing a line and needing another 15 minutes later. it would never truly reset. and then, the next day, i would crave it, and the cycle would continue.

that is what this feels like with TB, though at least i can breathe through my nose a little better now. i keep having to get over it, move through it, and feel it. i have to sit down and process these feelings and cry about it, about the biggest commitment i've made in my life coming to an end, and yet, still undone. he goes out of the city for work and then will come back for a day or two and just fuck with my fucking head. it is like detoxing from coke and having someone come over every once in a while and do lines in front of you in your sickbed. i haven't finished detoxing yet. i'm sure when i do, i'll be able to be okay with being around him, but right now, it's still inside me, it's all through me, and when we're together, i forget that we're not, and then he leaves, and i have to remember again. and i tell myself that this is my choice, which makes it worse sometimes, because i know i could undo it in a second if i wanted to, because of course i do want to, but of course i can't, and i know this too. so many parts of it are true, and yet, i can never trust myself enough to know which truth to follow through.

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[lucagurino]

i miss GTA online so im trying to transfer my ps4 character to Xbox (i did start out with a new character but i miss my oppressor mk2 aka the ability to chase people with missile lock and watch them jump out of their vehicles in a panic) but i am running into Problems

it’s almost 3am but im not giving up yet

[golddiamondminersposts]

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[dylankerraddictiontherapy]

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[drugspharmaceutical]

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[wholesalepowder]

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[three-moving]

cannot stop thinking about this weekend when 10 kids from my school tried to come in to see cocaine bear but they

a) all bought child tickets (they’re all 16-17. child tickets are for under 13.) and

b) didn’t know they needed at least one adult with them

they had an adult and the manager working was nice so they got in anyway but it was really funny watching them realize they are not, in fact, considered children