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[smurphyse]

Low Tide | Spencer Reid

Smurph's Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Part 9 of Routine Maintenance

Warnings: makeouts, dry humping, sexual negotiations, nipple play, rough heavy petting, hair pulling, interrupted sex

Summary: You give Spencer a haircut... which leads to something else. Later, you go out to dinner with Holly and Michelle and Spencer.

Spencer spent the week avoiding Honey, and she seemed to be doing much of the same. He heard through the grapevine that she spent most of it working on her boat. He didn't know how to address the kiss any more than he'd already. He didn't really want to get into it with her, and now that they'd been forced into this double date he was feeling more anxious by the day. 

His car was in the shop still, and unlike every other town he'd been to in the last two years, he couldn't just hop in and drive away from his fears. He was stuck here for at least another three weeks, but as Friday finally approached, he found himself standing outside her apartment door. 

He kept finding himself staring at the wall, knowing the only news from her might be bad news. He was making lists of shit to tell his therapist, all the reasons it had been a shitty thing for him to do, when it hit him. 

Who gives a shit? 

He'd be leaving soon, and she had clearly been interested in him. She didn't tell him to stop, not even when Rose and Emily showed up. Honey hadn't pushed him away or yelled. Instead, she'd kissed him back and moaned in his ear. He had nothing to feel bad about, and neither did she. 

It was best to act like it didn't happen. 

The last time he really saw her was when Emily left. They'd shared a hug and a long talk, then she went inside. He and Emily had a tearful goodbye full of hugs and promises to call more often, and since then Spencer still hadn't called the team. He should. Maybe tomorrow to let Emily know how it went. 

Tucci's wasn't a high class restaurant according to Holly, but it was nicer than the ones in town. Spencer's hair had grown out so much in the last few years, and even after the bruises from the fight faded and he returned his brace to Dr. Altman, he was still struggling with his looks. 

Spencer just looked so tired, and with his scraggly beard and overgrown hair, he decided it was time to make a small change. He didn't plan on wearing anything besides a nicer jacket and pants to dinner, but he still felt he owed Honey the decency of looking nice for their forced date. 

He knew nothing would come of it, and he didn't want it to. He was a wanderer now, had no home, but he wanted to look nice for her. 

Spencer's hand shook as he knocked on her door. He didn't even know if she could help him, but he'd yet to figure out where the barber shop was in town and he didn't want people to gossip around him after he cleaned himself up. 

She opened the door in another pair of her trademark tiny shorts and a tight crop tank top. Her newly dried hair hung in ringlets down over her shoulders, the fresh scent of citrus and saltwater wafting from her after a shower. 

"Hey," she breathed with an awkward smile. "Is everything okay?"

Spencer nodded, trying to ignore how good her curves looked in that outfit. She still wore her wedding ring around her neck, and he couldn't help but think about how it had felt to lick his way under the strap and taste her skin. 

"Do you know how to cut hair?" he asked instead of kissing her like he wanted to. She leaned against the doorframe, tapping it as she watched him. 

"Uh, yeah," she replied with a smirk. "Come on in."

She turned on her heel and went right up the stairs, expecting him to follow. His eyes went straight for her ass, watching as it jiggled with each step. She looked too damned good for how long it had been since he'd had sex. It was frustrating. Now that he'd gotten a taste of her, he just wanted more. But he was leaving soon. Not soon enough for it to not be awkward after. The last thing he needed was to be chased out of town under a cloud for fucking their beloved young widow. 

Spencer looked around as he reached the top of the stairs, taking in the lofted apartment above the Inn. It was just a big open concept room with a kitchen in one corner, her bed in the other. A television was set up on the wall, a small dining table nearby. There was a room in the middle with an open door, and he could see the big clawfoot tub sitting inside the bathroom. 

She had a lot of sea-related decor, mixed with a bit of boho. Her couch was bright orange velvet, with teal and pink throw pillows. She had gauzy white curtains embroidered with seashells along the windows. One of the walls was a brightly painted mural with flowers. The whole place seemed to be jam packed with ridiculousness that somehow fit Honey perfectly. 

The walls were mostly windows, overlooking most of the town. It was beautiful up here, the view of the midday sun heading toward the ocean in the distance. Like Mattie May, she had pictures plastered all over. 

He recognized Ernesto, Holly and Rico, though they were much younger. Rico had long hair and Ernesto’s hair was braided back. Holly looked more or less the same with his military haircut. There were pictures of more townsfolk, including some with Honey, but there was one that caught his eye. 

It was of Honey, but she looked to be about fourteen in the photo on the mantle. A girl had her arm slung over her shoulder and flashed an easy smile at the camera, but she barely looked older than Honey. She also looked almost exactly like her. The broad expanse of the ocean in winter laid behind them, both dressed in puffy coats with red cheeks and bright grins. It must have been taken in her home town in Maine. 

"My sister Madelyn," she said behind him. Spencer turned, feeling nosy and caught. 

"I've never heard you talk about her," he muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets to quell some of his anxiety. "You're not close, I take it."

"We were," she replied with a soft smile. "She died when I was sixteen."

"Oh. I'm so sorry."

Honey shrugged, turning on her heel. She snagged a chair from the table and dragged it into the bathroom, beckoning him to follow. She patted the seat, then ducked down to open the cabinet under the sink. 

The bathroom was small, with a freestanding tub and separate shower on one wall. The shower was encased in glass, hand laid tile against the wall and the floor. She had a vanity mirror in the center of the wall, the toilet on the other side. 

She pulled out a little case and a cape, which made Spencer chuckle. "You do this a lot?"

"The only barber in town is nicknamed 'Wandering Willie,'" Honey replied, frowning. "And it's not because his name is William."

Spencer made a face and plopped down in the seat. Honey made quick work of tossing the cape around his shoulders and tying it. She gently tugged his hair out of the collar and ran a light hand through it. 

"What do you want me to do? Do you have any pictures?"

Even though he had no cell service, Spencer had made a habit of keeping his cell charged and in his pocket. He pulled it out and unlocked it, then went about flipping through old photos of himself. Honey went to the sink while he did so, likely going out of her own way not to be nosy again like she had with his suitcase. 

"I always liked it like this," Spencer muttered as he came across a photo of him and JJ. It was at Rossi's wedding, still a bit long but manageable for him. The shorter it was the more often he needed it cut and he wasn't a fan of strangers touching his hair. 

Honey stepped behind him, looking at the photo over his shoulder. She smiled, "Cuuute. You look a lot different there."

"Yeah, it was a few years ago," he grumbled, feeling much older than he had when the photo was taken. 

Honey tapped his jaw as heat rushed to his cheeks. "I like the beard, though. It's a good look on you."

Spencer bit back a rather foolish grin as she poked through her kit for scissors and a comb. Armed with them and a spray bottle, she shook it a little and smiled, "Ready Freddie?"

"Do your worst."

Honey made quick work of combing his hair. Her deft fingers flitted through his locks, trimming carefully. She was laser focused, those pretty eyes watching every snip of her scissors. 

Spencer couldn't help but watch her through the reflection in the mirror. Her hair hung in ringlets, bouncing as she fluffed up his hair to see where to cut next. She pressed her tongue against the back of her teeth as she focused, lost in what she was doing. 

She moved to stand in front of him, angling his bangs to see where she wanted to make the cut. Her hip leaned against his thigh, her upper body contorting a bit before she changed her mind. She moved to his other side but seemed to run into the same problem. She didn't seem to want to push her luck and touch him. 

Spencer's hands threaded out from underneath the cape before he could really think about it. He palmed her hips and slid her onto his lap, and she put steadying hands on his shoulders to keep herself upright. His thighs spread to hold her in place, safe and upright. 

Honey looked down at him with wide eyes and her lips slightly parted. Her cheeks dusted with reddish pink, looking far too innocent and kissable for his liking. 

"Keep going," Spencer muttered, his voice husky. "Just do what you need to do to be comfortable."

Honey nodded, but there was no mistaking the uptick in her breathing. It wasn't panicked, and Spencer watched as the blotchy red inched its way up her chest. She wasn't wearing a bra, and he easily noticed her nipples begin to pop through the thin fabric of her tank top. 

Her fingers shook a bit as she finished up the front of his hair. She set her scissors down and fluffed it up to eyeball it and make sure it was even. Her nails grazed against his scalp as she did it again, and Spencer couldn't help the way his eyes fluttered shut.

His hands were still on her hips, the pads of his fingers grazing her skin. Thanking God silently for crop tops, Spencer did his best to keep still. Her skin was so warm, and she smelled incredible. All he wanted to do was bury his face in her neck and breathe her in. 

"You don't get touched enough," her voice came softly after a moment. "Do you, Spencer?"

Spencer struggled to peel open his eyes as her fingers dragged down and over his beard. He cocked a brow at her while she inspected the fuzzy mess. "What makes you say that?"

"Nobody enjoys getting a haircut this much," Honey smirked. She adjusted on his lap to reach for the scissors and comb again. Spencer did his best to accommodate her. He didn't want her to get up. She was also the only one he'd ever enjoyed a haircut this much from. 

"More barbers should look like you, then," he replied smoothly. Honey flashed him a playful squint, pressing on the underside of his jaw to start trimming his beard. 

The cool steel of the scissors scraped lightly along his jugular. He swallowed thickly, but willed himself to relax. Her soft hands danced along his jawline, but kept him firmly where she wanted him. 

"I'm a bit nervous about tonight," she confessed quietly, her voice hardly above a whisper. 

Spencer's brows furrowed, "Because of Michelle and Holly?"

Honey shook her head. She wiped the scissors along the cape before going back in, the smooth slices of the metal sending shivers up his spine. 

"I feel like things are weird between us…" she murmured, still focused on what she was doing. She avoided his gaze, and Spencer could see that she was finished, so he put a hand over hers and pulled it away. He didn't want her to stop touching him. 

She moved to get off his lap, but Spencer held her tighter. Her belly twitched under his touch, but instead of fighting him she simply deposited the scissors and comb on the floor before taking the cape off him. Letting it fall to the ground, she grabbed a fluffy brush and began sweeping stray hairs from his neck. 

"I know you weren't drunk when you kissed me, and that you had second thoughts because of Emily and Rose." Honey spoke quietly, keeping her eyes trained on the brush tickling his skin while he kept his on hers. 

"I don't want you to fix me," she declared, strength returning to her voice as she tossed the brush onto the sink. Her hands landed on his shoulders where she sat on her side on his lap. 

Honey moved enough to bring one thigh over his spread legs, straddling him. Her eyes blazed as she watched him, her back arching just enough for him to feel under his heavy hands. Spencer swallowed down a lump in his throat as she gathered up the courage to continue. He knew she had more to say. 

"I'm not just some sad widow looking for a man to come along and take me away from my grief." She was closer now. Charged air crackled between them as she licked her bottom lip and pulled it between her teeth. 

"I'm leaving in a few weeks," Spencer reminded gently. "I don't have time to fix you, anyway."

Honey chuckled and brushed a stray hair behind her ear. She nodded to herself, "I'm well aware…"

She clicked her teeth and gave him those same hooded eyes she had the night before, blush flooding her cheeks. "I also know how boring it can be here without cell phones or the internet. Three weeks is a long time to do nothing, or try to pick up girls in a small town bar who live to gossip… and want more than a hookup."

"It's a lot of effort," Spencer agreed. The air was so thick between them, he couldn't help but wonder where the bomb was going to go off. She was hard to read, but he was beginning to see what she was trying to say. 

Honey's palms smoothed over his chest, her breath picking up. She opened her mouth to speak a few times, seemingly deciding what to say. She closed her eyes for a moment, and when she opened them again they were deliciously dark. 

"I could keep you company," she murmured, her voice dripping with heady need and nerves, like he might say no. "Give you something to do in the meantime, some stress relief."

Spencer adjusted beneath her, and it would be a lie to say that she wasn't getting to him. That damned scent of citrus and saltwater, those shy nervous eyes, and her curvy stunning body on his cock was almost enough to take her right there. 

"What do you get out of it?"

Honey smiled sweetly, which only made him want to shove her against the wall even more. She leaned in, her breasts pressing against his chest as her nose nuzzled against his. Her lips hovered just in front of his as she whispered, "Three weeks of good sex and an escape from all the shit I'm dealing with outside of my apartment.

"You don't like me and I don't like you very much either," she continued, her thumbs rubbing along his collarbones as her gaze flicked to his lips and then back to his eyes. "I think we can find a way to take that out on one another."

Spencer couldn't help the wolfish grin that peeled open across his cheeks. Keeping one hand on her hip, Spencer tangled the other in her hair and pulled her quickly to him. Their lips crashed together, a surprised but excited yelp escaping from Honey's chest. 

She was stubborn to the core, and Spencer found himself battling her for dominance right away. She gripped the lapels of his flannel, pulling him closer. Her strong thighs cradled his lap, and Spencer hooked a few fingers under her knee to tug her flush to his hips. Barely restrained moans echoed between them. His fingers tightened around her thigh, his cock straining in his pants until he couldn't take it anymore with her grinding down on him. 

Spencer lurched forward, jostling her onto his hip. She never let up, her fingers tangling into his hair as she nipped his bottom lip. Her scent consumed him, drowning him in the fresh smell of the ocean and the need emanating from her. He carried Honey out of the bathroom and straight toward the bed in the corner. He wanted her now, and now that he had permission he was going to take her. Her thighs clamped down around his waist, but he managed to untangle her and toss her onto the mattress. 

Her breasts bounced as she landed, and he descended on her in an instant. They clashed together in a flurry of teeth and tongue, pushing and pulling as she shoved his flannel from his shoulders. Spencer tossed it to the ground, his hands palming her tits through her shirt as she went for his belt. 

She managed to get it unlatched just as the phone on the bedside table rang. Spencer pulled back enough to glance over at it, but she just pulled him close and moved onto his neck. 

"Shouldn't you get that?" Spencer asked, his voice embarrassingly breathy. Honey’s insistent nipping along his throat was driving him crazy, but the shrill tone of the landline kept breaking through.

She groaned in irritation, wiggling her hips for more friction, “If it’s important, they’ll call again.”

Spencer was about to take that as a good enough answer when her palms flattened on his chest and suddenly he was pushed onto his back. Honey mounted him in one swift move, gripping his jaw tightly in her fingers and kissing him furiously. She did it like she was winning a fight, and he was more than happy to battle with her.

Gripping her hair, Spencer gave an experimental tug that elicited a beautifully dirty moan. Her hips jerked, grinding down on his clothed length. The phone faded into the background of his mind as it stopped its sharp crying through the apartment. Honey’s tight, smaller body arched with every swipe of his palms along her skin, sweet excited groans bouncing between them as they explored one another.

Her warm skin blazed under his hands as he threaded them under her shirt. Bringing them down, Spencer smoothed them over the curve of her ass and thighs, pulling her flush to him once more. The way her hips swirled over his dick drove him wild, the thought of himself inside her doing the same thing nearly made him burst in his pants.

Spencer sat her up, his palm spreading wide along her spine. Each breathy exhale and sigh made his vision blur, but he wanted to see her. All of her. He wanted to watch as she fell apart for him, piece by piece.

Honey didn’t fight him as he ran his fingers under her tiny tank top. She worked with him, arching her back and lifting her arms as he pulled it up. Her breasts bounced free from the thin fabric as she threw the tanktop to the ground. Spencer went straight for them, one hand palming her perfect tit as his lips went straight for the other nipple. 

She gasped as his teeth grazed the sensitive flesh, her hips grinding down on him. Swirling around with his tongue, he pinched her other breast, swiping a soft thumb over as a weak apology before doing it again.

“Fuck,” she groaned, her hips working for some relief through her shorts. He was painfully hard, wanting nothing more than to toss her to the ground and fuck her hard with little prep, but he also wanted to savor it. 

Honey’s fingers tangled tightly in Spencer’s hair, clutching him tightly to her chest as she moaned wantonly. She whimpered, low and needy, "Spencer, please, fuck!"

"Take off your pants," he commanded as he pulled off her with a soft pop. 

Honey went for her button when the phone rang again. She sighed, her chest patched red and blotchy as she leaned over him to snatch it from the nightstand. 

"No, no, come on," he begged pitifully as she pushed him into the mattress. She sat on top of him, her hand on his chest as she looked at the screen. She panted, her chest heaving. She was fucking stunning. 

"Shut up," she told him playfully, grinding down on him for good measure. Spencer set his twitchy hands on her thighs, squeezing and bucking lightly to keep some of the friction going. Honey held the phone up to her ear, “Thunderbird Inn. How can I help you?”

Honey’s dark eyes fixated on him, her head cocking to the side, “Oh, hey, Emily.”

Feeling suddenly caught, Spencer’s eyes went wide, but then he squinted at her as she listened to the other end. She waved a hand in front of her face and shook her head, “I’m fine, really. I just got back from a run.”

Spencer was growing restless, so he trailed his fingers up lightly. Brushing them along her exposed skin, he delighted in the way she shivered and goosebumps appeared as she spoke to Emily. Her chest puffed out, eyes fluttering shut. She was truly beautiful, strong and unyielding like a port in a storm. 

As he palmed her breast, she covered his hand with hers, holding him in place. Her eyes had a devilish glint as she watched him caress her body. His other palm smoothed up her side, tickling along her collarbone before he decided to experiment and see what she liked. Spencer spread his fingers over the column of her throat, getting up on one elbow to brace himself. 

She watched him through those hooded eyes, lashes fluttering as she struggled to stay focused on the phone call. His hand flattened over her windpipe, tightening just enough to see her cheeks flush bright red, then he let go, opting instead to trail his fingers down her chest as though he didn’t know what he’d done. But he knew now what he wanted to… just how open she was to other things.

“How about this?” Honey gulped, taking a deep breath. “I’ll call his room to see if he’s there and then patch you through? I’ve got to put you on hold, though.”

Spencer shook his head, but she just squinted down at him. “Sounds good. Give me a few minutes.”

Honey pressed a button on the phone and pointed out toward the window, “I’ve gotta get ready for tonight, and you need to talk to your sister.”

“She’s not my sister,” Spencer grumbled. He fell flat on his back, mourning the loss of his boner and soon to be release. Spencer got up on his elbows and flashed her a cheeky grin, “I’ll be quick.”

Honey shook her head, “Uh-uhn. You’re gonna fuck me the way I deserve, and to do that we need a bit more time.”

She rolled off him, plopping down on the mattress beside Spencer. Her body heat blazed against him, and he let out a pained breath as he eyed her breasts. Playfully, he reached out and patted one with the flats of his fingers, making her laugh. He couldn’t help but smile back, chuckling a bit.

“Fuck you the way you deserve?” he murmured with a furrowed brow and a grin. 

Honey nodded. “I didn’t stutter.”

Spencer laughed as he got up. He made sure to lean down and give her nipple one last light bite before he rose from the bed, and she made a delightful little cry at the feeling. He loomed over her as he adjusted himself in his pants, and she just lounged half naked on the bed and smirked up at him.

“See you later,” he muttered. Spencer leaned over the mattress and hooked his fingers under her knees, jerking her forward until she was nose to nose with him. “Wear something pretty, yeah?”

Honey smiled, and in a show of silliness he rarely got to see from her, she licked the tip of his nose and giggled. “Something with easy access?”

Spencer growled a bit and nodded, “I don’t have a lot of patience.” 

Her pupils dilated in a millisecond, her kiss-bitten lip quivering. Spencer gripped her jaw tightly and gave her a rough kiss, relishing in the desperate little moan that made its way to his lips. He pulled away and turned on his heel without looking back, and by the soft exhale behind him he was feeling pretty proud of himself. 

Maybe the next three weeks wouldn't be so bad after all. 

I was struggling to keep myself together. My whole body was a livewire after Spencer came to my apartment for his haircut. I couldn't stop thinking about his hands on my body, or his tongue on my chest. Light bruises littered my neck and all I wanted to do was press on them to feel the sting. 

Oh, if he fucked the way he kissed… I was about to be in big trouble. I needed the release, to fall into something that wasn’t my own pool of misery and let go. His heavy hands on me were the only real thing keeping me grounded the last few days. All I wanted was to touch him again and hear him make those deep guttural groans again. I have so much work to do on myself and my life, and this will be the one guilty pleasure I’ll have for a long while.

In reality it had only been a little over a month since I'd slept with Rico, but it felt like years after making out with Spencer. I was antsy, struggling not to think about just how toe curling it could have been if the phone didn't ring. Idly, I wondered what Emily wanted to speak with him so badly about, but ultimately decided it wasn’t my business.

I wasn't one for makeup, so I just opted to put some on my neck and keep my natural hair down and put on a sundress and some espadrilles. It was yellow with pink and orange flowers, landing just above my knees. I snagged a shawl in case the heat died down, and knowing we were going to a restaurant on the water that was more than likely. 

I stood before my mirror, fidgeting and feeling suddenly quite self conscious. I haven't been on a date of any kind in almost ten years, or had to worry if I looked good enough for one. It hit me how ridiculous I was being, worried if Spencer would like the way I looked when the first time he kissed me I was covered in sand and sweat. The man obviously wasn't picky. 

Michelle asked me to drive separately in case she and Holly wanted to spend some time alone together, so I grabbed the keys to my beat up Volkswagen bus and my purse, then made my way down stairs. 

Spencer waited outside my door, hands stuffed into his pockets as he leaned against the doorframe. He stood up straight as he spotted me, breaking out into a slow smile. 

"Holy shit," he breathed, his eyes raking me up and down hungrily. His hand reached out to touch the bright patterned skirt. "You look amazing."

"Thank you," I blushed like a fool. I waved to his outfit with a smile, "You clean up nice, Spencer."

He wore a simple buttoned up dark shirt with a red cardigan over it and khaki pants. His sleeve was bunched up under his watch, his freshly cut hair curled nicely with the product I'd put in it. He flashed me a crooked grin as he let go of my dress. 

Holding out his elbow for me, he leaned down and murmured even though we were the only two in the hallway, "You ready?"

I took a deep breath before threading my arm in his, "As I'll ever be."

Tucci's was about a forty minute drive down the coast. Spencer lounged in the passenger seat as I drove. We didn't talk much, but his hand rested heavily on my thigh the whole drive. I didn't push him away, and I didn't want to. Instead, I reveled in his heat and his thumb rubbing soft circles into my skin. 

The breeze danced through the windows, the warm summer evening turning the sky orange and dusty. We passed town after town on the lonesome secluded highway, until we were surrounded by trees and billboards. The fluorescent lights illuminated them in the coming darkness, and I didn't even realize I was speaking until I pointed at one. 

"Do you think that God reads the billboards?" I asked quietly, not even sure where it was coming from. 

Spencer glanced over my way and shrugged, "If He did, they probably wouldn't be there."

I wasn’t sure why, but I liked his answer. It fit him and the cynicism that permeated from his pores. Deciding to leave it at that, we instead flew down the highway to our forced get together with Holly and Michelle.

Tucci’s was busy for a Friday night at ten, people waiting in line outside. We spotted Holly and Michelle in the parking lot, with Holly standing a respectable distance away from her as Spencer followed closely behind me. 

Holly had made a reservation, so we were seated soon enough, earning a few glares from the walk-ins. Surprisingly enough, Spencer acted the gentleman even though I knew he had no interest in this date or me romantically. He held doors open for me, and pulled out my chair. When the wine came, he insisted on pouring it for me as well. 

I was never one to be told what to do, or taken care of, but I didn't mind this one bit. It was surprisingly…nice to not have to do anything myself. My nerves were on fire being in this setting anyways, in a restaurant on a dock, the ocean just outside the window we were seated by. It was nice not to have to make any decisions at the moment. 

My stomach swirled with nausea that made me take breaks from the conversation to nervously sip from my glass. Luckily, with Holly and Michelle fawning over one another it took a lot of pressure off Spencer and myself, and we mostly let them do the talking. There were so many people packed in the tiny restaurant. It was intimately lit with candles and red drapery along the walls. Even though the windows were open, welcoming a slight breeze, I found myself sweating by the time dinner was finished. 

This was how I was feeling when I thought I was pregnant, and the doctor told me it was just nerves. After multiple negative tests, I finally believed him, but sitting there trying to keep myself upright I cursed his diagnosis of anxiety and stress. 

I needed to get my shit together. A panic attack was the last thing I needed. 

The dock swayed with the water, and I rubbed a sweaty palm over the back of my neck to ease away some of my nausea. Spencer watched me curiously in between speaking with Holly and Michelle, who seemed to be having a good time and not noticing my mini freak out in a crowded place. 

There were couples all over, leaning over white dropped tables in beautiful clothes. They spoke in hushed tones, even Holly and Michelle, clasping hands on top. Champagne flutes glittered under the lights, the occasional clinking of silverware on ceramic accenting the gentle music playing. 

I missed Ernie… I needed him here, with me. I shouldn't be here. He should be here. He was the one everybody loved, and I was just the outsider who died with him that night, her body returning to shore. 

I ran a shaky hand through my hair, trying to console my body. It didn't want to cooperate, and as sweaty as I was, I pulled my shawl tighter over my shoulders while goosebumps broke out on my skin. Sucking in a wavering breath, I closed my eyes for a moment before letting it go.

A hand on my knee got my attention, and I glanced up to see Spencer pushed forward in his seat across from me, obviously the one touching me. His brows furrowed and he squeezed me gently, cocking his head to the side. 

I stared at him like a deer in the headlights, not sure of what to do. My legs begged me to launch from the table and run all the way back to Thunderbird. I didn't want to stop until I hit the bay and dove underneath the waves. 

"I could use some air," Spencer seemed to decide for me. He stood and folded his napkin before setting it on the table, then held out his hand for me. "Care to join?"

I stared at it dumbly until he rounded the table, his palm up for me to take. Spencer flashed Holly and Michelle a smile, "I don't know this place very well. I don't want to get lost."

My hand moved on autopilot, clasping his tightly. Spencer pulled me to my feet before leading me out of the restaurant, his fingers laced in mine. His gait never slowed, laser focused on the exit as he weaved through the traffic of people coming inside. 

The restaurant windows faced the water, but the entrance faced the parking lot with the dock wrapping around to the back. The walkway to the dock lay awash in fairy lights strung up between posts. The sun had dipped down behind the clouds, and now the small twinkling bulbs lit the way to the water. In my haze, I just let him lead me, trying and failing to keep my breathing under control. 

A hand carved bench sat at the end of the dock. Boats floated in the distance, easing through the water. The waves crested and fell in a natural time, the crash followed by the hushing spread of the water hitting the surface. Spencer guided me to the bench and sat me down. Kneeling in front of me as I watched through glassy, tear filled eyes, he untied my espadrilles and set them to the side. I didn't realize how much I was shaking until he took one of my feet and pressed his thumb into the arch and my body relaxed. 

"Just breathe," he murmured, watching me closely. His eyes held sympathy for me, but no pity. Tears streamed down my cheeks, grief I hadn't expected pouring through, but I refused to let myself completely fall apart. 

I clutched the shawl tightly around my shoulders. I leaned against the cool wood and closed my eyes, listening to the ocean and her beauty. The soft rocking of the dock was surprisingly a welcome feeling, lulling me into a safe place I hadn't been to in a long time. 

I thought of Isle of Honey, of Ernie. Long nights spent floating on top of the water, legs tangled together on the deck of the old schooner. We'd breathe in the scent of sex and the ocean, our hearts thumping in time together. I was in my safe place, with my safe person, just existing among the wild ferality of the sea. 

"I'm sorry," I whispered after a while. Spencer had long since moved onto my other foot, massaging tension gently from my body. I wiped at my cheek and chuckled bitterly, "I'm sure this is really sexy."

All I truly wanted from Spencer was an escape, a few moments to let go and forget about everything going on. I wanted my uncertainty to fade into the background, for my guilt to calm to a simmer when it constantly roared at a boil. 

Spencer made a face and set my foot gently on the dock. He eased himself on the bench next to me, his thigh touching mine, but he didn't move to hold me. I appreciated it. 

"Some guys are into that, you know?" he replied cheekily, giving me a wink and a smile. 

I sniffled through my laugh and shook my head, "So this is your turn on?"

Spencer huffed a bit, looking down at his hands. His voice was low and a bit sad. "That kinda thing takes a lot of time and trust. I don't find that much on the road."

I nodded. That trust was something I built with Ernie, but he never had the ability to be truly rough with me, which I had been fine with. Rico, on the other hand, was more interested in a quick barrel toward both our releases, and I didn't have the mental capacity to do much else. They had both been wonderful and attentive, and I would always be grateful for those experiences. 

I nudged Spencer with an elbow, offering a weak smile through my swollen cheeks and likely red face. "I'm a big fan of the color system, and my safeword is 'applejack.'"

Spencer chuckled. His arm wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me close but not too tight. He was something to lean against during the storm in my heart, and I found myself snuggling into his side and pressing my palm to his chest. 

Cinnamon and bergamot flooded through my nostrils, accented by the salt of the sea as we sat there. A few errant passersby came down the dock, saw us, and quickly turned around. We paid them no mind, just listening to the waves and enjoying the quiet. 

"I haven't been on a date in ten years," I found myself saying. The ocean swallowed my words and took them out to the distance, but not before Spencer heard them. He pressed his cheek to the top of my head. "I know this wasn't really a date but… I don't know why it hit me so hard."

"Memories are like freight trains, Honey," he murmured. I felt him clear his throat, the soft rumble under my ear through his shirt. His fingers tightened around my arm. "You either know when they're coming on the schedule or you don't notice until the whistle blows behind you. Sometimes the whistle doesn't even blow, and it hits you."

I thought about that for a moment. He was right, and a part of me hated this broken man for knowing the broken part of me so well with so little effort. I wanted to hit him and yell and scream, but the broken part of me knew that was exactly what the broken part of him wanted to do too.

"That's the most depressing shit I've ever heard," I said instead. 

The laugh that bubbled from his chest made me smile before it even broke the surface. Spencer guided a hand over my hair and kissed the top of my head as he chuckled to himself. 

"Yeah, well, it's all I've got," he said as he pulled away. 

Spencer leaned back on the bench, legs splayed and his arms laced over the edge. The fingers of one hand ran light lines up and down my shoulder. It only made my body relax more, melting into his side and reveling in the comfort. 

Boat horns sounded in the distance, calling out to other ships in the night. The spotlight from a lighthouse down the coast cut through the darkness, pointing out toward the black. It was guiding people home, back to the land. 

Sitting there, I realized I didn't want to be on the land anymore. Thunderbird would always be the place that took me in and became my home. For far too long I'd treated it like a tomb, my final resting place after a lifetime of mistreatment and uncertainty. 

When I lost Ernie, I stopped moving forward. The lighthouse in the bay became my siren beacon, my way of screaming that I was the safe place now. I would keep everyone safe, I would guide them home. They could come to me for anything they needed, and I would provide. 

Sitting then in the arms of a stranger who'd defended me and saved me, and I'd saved him, it hit me. I wasn't the port in the storm. I wasn't the place to go to escape the monsoon, the hurricane. 

I was the eye of the storm. The place where all this started was with myself, and how I reacted to the world around me. I let myself loose from my tiny fishing town in Maine and descended hurricane Honey upon Thunderbird. I was a wild animal full of rage and regret, and they calmed me to a raindrop. I'd always be grateful to them for that. 

The hurricane was back, and after ten years she wanted to rage again. I needed to find a middle ground. I needed to become the rain after the drought, not devastation or starvation. 

I didn't have to leave Thunderbird forever. I'd spent ten years fixing up our old schooner, repairing the damage caused by the storm that ruined my life. It was almost finished, and in a way, so was I. I could do what Ernie and I always dreamed of, and sail off toward that horizon in hopes of swallowing the sun. Then, I could follow the lighthouse back home. 

"Hey," I started slowly, easing my way out from under Spencer's arm. He looked down upon me gently, waiting for my direction. "You wanna get out of here?"

Spencer smiled. "Lead the way."

Smurph's Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Notes: Oh, I'm so excited for the sex next chapter... You have no idea.

Also, have you guy listened to any of the songs that these chapters are inspired by? Which one is your favorite?

@thedancingcostumeyoungadult @muffin-cup @simplyparker @spencerreidsmommy @hotchandspencearedilfs @gspenc @kbakery @nomajdetective @givemeth @hoshihiime @halloween-is-my-nationality @reidselle @thisiscalmanditsdoctorreid @dreatine @thebloomingeagle @fortheloveofwonderland @theforgottenwinter @parkerreidnorth @reidselle @randomhoex @scargarcia-magshotchner @stitchwrites @pygmygoat-bicyclehelmet @cle13 @aysixdy @elhotchner @directioner5life @elhotchner @loveeee2134 @preciousbabypeter @la-stuffs @stories-you-wont-hear @hotchlover @fortheloveofwonderland @lokiandhisdagger @bellanutellababyyy @dark-night-sky-99 @straightforbuckybutgayfornatasha @maltamurdock @charelletjee @kansas-reid @zephyrmonkey @spencer-reid-wonderland @spencersprettyslut @im-sure-its-fine @tvdstelenaforever @teddylupintonks  @lilibet261 @kneelforloki @dirtytissuebox @almostgenerallyalways @whovian378 @cl0udyqu33n @thegettingbyp2 @averagestudent03 @the-sun-died-out @squishycalumxo @sebastiansstanswhore 

@louderfortheback @pandabiiissh @calebye

@dottirose @lfaewrites @padsfirewhisky @wheels-upin-thirty @f-me-reid @justanothercmblog @academiareid @moyo5653 @comfybabie

[pixxeludigitaltechnology]

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Comparing WordPress, Joomla, and Drupal: Which CMS is Right for You?

With regards to picking a Content Management System (CMS), three names frequently come up in conversations: WordPress, Joomla, and Drupal. Every one of these stages has its own assets and shortcomings, making them appropriate for various kinds of clients and undertakings. In this blog, we'll look at WordPress, Joomla, and Drupal to assist you with concluding which CMS is best for your necessities.

1. WordPress

WordPress is the most famous CMS, controlling more than 40% of sites on the web. It's known for its easy to understand interface, making it an incredible choice for fledglings or the people who don't have a specialized foundation.

Key Advantages of WordPress:

Convenience: It's unbelievably simple to set up, tweak, and oversee without expecting to compose a solitary line of code.

Tremendous Subject and Module Library: WordPress offers many free and paid topics and modules, permitting clients to expand the usefulness of their sites without any problem.

Enormous People group: With its monstrous client base, there's a gigantic local area for help, instructional exercises, and investigating.

Best For:

Bloggers

Private companies

Sites that need fast arrangement and simple administration

2. Joomla

Joomla is one more famous CMS, known for being a center ground among WordPress and Drupal with regards to intricacy and adaptability. While not quite so easy to understand as WordPress, it offers greater adaptability and command over site highlights and design.

Key Advantages of Joomla:

High level Client The executives: Joomla offers further developed client access controls and the board contrasted with WordPress, making it ideal for participation or local area based destinations.

Implicit Multilingual Help: Dissimilar to WordPress, which requires modules for multilingual abilities, Joomla has inherent help for making multilingual sites.

Solid Search engine optimization Capacities: Joomla gives more out-of-the-container Website design enhancement highlights than WordPress, however modules are as yet accessible for both.

Best For:

Internet business sites

Interpersonal interaction destinations

Medium-sized organizations that need further developed highlights without a lofty expectation to learn and adapt

3. Drupal

For the individuals who need full command over their site and wouldn't fret a more extreme expectation to learn and adapt, Drupal is much of the time the CMS of decision. It's the most advanced of the three, offering unrivaled adaptability and customization choices.

Key Advantages of Drupal:

Exceptionally Adjustable: With Drupal, you can fabricate profoundly complex sites custom fitted to explicit business needs.

Vigorous Execution: Drupal handles high-traffic sites productively, making it a favored CMS for enormous associations and government sites.

Solid Security Highlights: Known for areas of strength for its elements, Drupal is frequently utilized by undertakings that require a protected and stable site climate.

Best For:

Enormous endeavors

Government sites

Locales with complicated and custom usefulness

Which CMS Would it be a good idea for you to Pick?

Your decision between WordPress, Joomla, and Drupal eventually relies upon your task's necessities, your specialized aptitude, and the degree of customization you really want.

In the event that you're searching for straightforwardness, convenience, and an enormous library of subjects and modules, WordPress is likely the most ideal decision.

In the event that you want something more adaptable however not excessively mind boggling, Joomla could be your perfect balance.

For the people who need full oversight and are ready to deal with a more extreme expectation to learn and adapt, Drupal offers unrivaled customization and execution.

Every one of these stages — WordPress, Joomla, and Drupal — has its own novel arrangement of benefits, and with the right information, you can settle on the best decision for your site.

[thehubops]

Comparing Custom CMS Solutions with Popular CMS Platforms: WordPress, Drupal, Joomla

In the realm of content management systems (CMS), the Custom CMS stands out as a tailored solution crafted to meet specific needs and preferences of website owners. Unlike its more ubiquitous counterparts like WordPress, Drupal, and Joomla, which cater to a wide array of users with their ready-to-use functionalities, a Custom CMS offers a bespoke approach. It is meticulously designed to align precisely with the unique requirements and goals of businesses and individuals alike, providing unparalleled flexibility and control over website management and content delivery.

While platforms such as WordPress, Drupal, and Joomla boast extensive plugin ecosystems and robust community support, a Custom CMS distinguishes itself through its tailor-made architecture. This bespoke system empowers users to define every aspect of their website’s functionality and user experience, ensuring that no feature is superfluous and every tool serves a strategic purpose. In contrast, popular CMS platforms often require users to navigate through a myriad of features, some of which may not be relevant to their specific needs, potentially complicating the overall management process.

Understanding Custom CMS Solutions

Custom CMS software is designed and developed to meet specific business requirements, offering flexibility and scalability that off-the-shelf solutions may lack. Companies, such as those in Cincinnati, Ohio, specializing in custom CMS development like to emphasize this flexibility.

Popular CMS Platforms

WordPress, Drupal, and Joomla are renowned for their robust features and extensive plugin ecosystems:

WordPress

Initially recognized as a blogging platform, WordPress has evolved into a versatile CMS powering over 40% of websites globally. Its user-friendly interface, vast plugin library, and strong community support make it ideal for CMS website development services across various industries.

Drupal

Drupal stands out with its flexibility and scalability, preferred by organizations needing complex, customizable solutions. It excels in CMS customization and is favored by developers for its robust architecture and security features.

Joomla

Benefits of Custom CMS Solutions

While WordPress, Drupal, and Joomla offer powerful features, custom content management systems provide distinct advantages:

Tailored Functionality: Custom CMS development allows businesses to implement features precisely aligned with their operational needs, enhancing efficiency and user experience.

Scalability: Unlike off-the-shelf CMS platforms, custom solutions can easily scale as businesses grow, accommodating increased content volumes and user traffic.

Security: Custom CMS software can be fortified with robust security measures tailored to specific industry standards and compliance requirements.

Unique Branding: Custom CMS designs enable companies to create unique CMS website designs that reflect their brand identity seamlessly.

Choosing the Right CMS Approach

When deciding between cloud CMS software or a custom solution, businesses should consider factors such as budget, scalability needs, security concerns, and desired feature set. While WordPress, Drupal, and Joomla provide reliable options for many, custom CMS development services offer unmatched flexibility for companies with specific requirements.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the choice between CMS built on WordPress, Drupal, Joomla, or opting for custom CMS development depends on the unique needs and long-term goals of a business. Companies in locations like Cincinnati, Ohio, seeking CMS development company in USA can benefit significantly from partnering with experts specializing in custom CMS development. This approach ensures tailored solutions that empower businesses to manage content effectively while maintaining competitive edge in their respective industries. For those considering their options, exploring the benefits of custom CMS solutions can lead to a transformative digital presence that meets both current and future needs.

[zapperrr]

Securing Your Website: Best Practices for Web Developers

As the digital landscape continues to evolve, website security has become a paramount concern for businesses and individuals alike. With cyber threats becoming increasingly sophisticated, it is crucial for web developers to adopt robust security measures to safeguard their websites and the sensitive data they handle. In this article, we'll delve into the best practices that web developers can implement to enhance the security of their websites and protect against potential threats.

Introduction

In today's interconnected world, websites serve as the digital storefront for businesses, making them vulnerable targets for cyber attacks. From data breaches to malware infections, the consequences of a security breach can be severe, ranging from financial loss to damage to reputation. Therefore, prioritizing website security is essential for maintaining the trust and confidence of users.

Understanding Website Security

Before diving into best practices, it's crucial to understand the importance of website security and the common threats faced by websites. Website security encompasses measures taken to protect websites from cyber threats and unauthorized access. Common threats include malware infections, phishing attacks, SQL injection, cross-site scripting (XSS), and brute force attacks.

Best Practices for Web Developers

Keeping Software Updated

One of the most fundamental steps in website security is keeping all software, including the content management system (CMS), plugins, and server software, updated with the latest security patches and fixes. Outdated software is often targeted by attackers due to known vulnerabilities that can be exploited.

Implementing HTTPS

Implementing HTTPS (Hypertext Transfer Protocol Secure) encrypts the data transmitted between the website and its users, ensuring confidentiality and integrity. HTTPS not only protects sensitive information but also boosts trust among visitors, as indicated by the padlock icon in the browser's address bar.

Using Strong Authentication Methods

Implementing strong authentication methods, such as multi-factor authentication (MFA) and CAPTCHA, adds an extra layer of security to user accounts. MFA requires users to provide multiple forms of verification, such as a password and a one-time code sent to their mobile device, reducing the risk of unauthorized access.

Securing Against SQL Injection Attacks

SQL injection attacks occur when malicious actors exploit vulnerabilities in web applications to execute arbitrary SQL commands. Web developers can prevent SQL injection attacks by using parameterized queries and input validation to sanitize user inputs effectively.

Protecting Sensitive Data

It's essential to employ encryption techniques to protect sensitive data, such as passwords, credit card information, and personal details, stored on the website's servers. Encrypting data at rest and in transit mitigates the risk of data breaches and unauthorized access.

Regular Security Audits

Conducting regular security audits helps identify vulnerabilities and weaknesses in the website's infrastructure and codebase. Penetration testing, vulnerability scanning, and code reviews enable web developers to proactively address security issues before they are exploited by attackers.

Choosing a Secure Hosting Provider

Selecting a reputable and secure hosting provider is critical for ensuring the overall security of your website. When evaluating hosting providers, consider factors such as security features, reliability, scalability, and customer support.

Evaluating Security Features

Choose a hosting provider that offers robust security features, such as firewalls, intrusion detection systems (IDS), malware scanning, and DDoS protection. These features help protect your website from various cyber threats and ensure continuous uptime.

Ensuring Regular Backups

Regularly backing up your website's data is essential for mitigating the impact of security incidents, such as data breaches or website compromises. Choose a hosting provider that offers automated backup solutions and store backups securely offsite.

Customer Support and Response to Security Incidents

Opt for a hosting provider that provides responsive customer support and has established protocols for handling security incidents. In the event of a security breach or downtime, prompt assistance from the hosting provider can minimize the impact on your website and business operations.

Implementing Firewall Protection

Firewalls act as a barrier between your website and external threats, filtering incoming and outgoing network traffic based on predefined security rules. There are several types of firewalls, including network firewalls, web application firewalls (WAF), and host-based firewalls.

Configuring and Maintaining Firewalls

Properly configuring and maintaining firewalls is crucial for effective security. Define firewall rules based on the principle of least privilege, regularly update firewall configurations to reflect changes in the website's infrastructure, and monitor firewall logs for suspicious activity.

Educating Users about Security

In addition to implementing technical measures, educating users about security best practices is essential for enhancing overall website security. Provide users with resources, such as security guidelines, tips for creating strong passwords, and information about common phishing scams.

Importance of User Awareness

Users play a significant role in maintaining website security, as they are often the targets of social engineering attacks. By raising awareness about potential threats and providing guidance on how to recognize and respond to them, web developers can empower users to stay vigilant online.

Providing Training and Resources

Offer training sessions and educational materials to help users understand the importance of security and how to protect themselves while using the website. Regularly communicate updates and reminders about security practices to reinforce good habits.

Monitoring and Responding to Security Incidents

Despite taking preventive measures, security incidents may still occur. Establishing robust monitoring systems and incident response protocols enables web developers to detect and respond to security threats in a timely manner.

Setting Up Monitoring Tools

Utilize monitoring tools, such as intrusion detection systems (IDS), security information and event management (SIEM) systems, and website monitoring services, to detect abnormal behavior and potential security breaches. Configure alerts to notify you of suspicious activity promptly.

Establishing Incident Response Protocols

Develop comprehensive incident response plans that outline roles, responsibilities, and procedures for responding to security incidents. Establish clear communication channels and escalation paths to coordinate responses effectively and minimize the impact of security breaches.

Securing your website requires a proactive approach that involves implementing a combination of technical measures, choosing a secure hosting provider, educating users about security best practices, and establishing robust monitoring and incident response protocols. By following these best practices, web developers can mitigate the risk of security breaches and safeguard their websites and the sensitive data they handle.

[smurphyse]

Wildflower Honey | Spencer Reid

Smurph's Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Part 10 of Routine Maintenance

Warnings: makeouts, first times, fingering, soft dom!Spencer, hickies, bruises, water sex, beach sex, subdrop, aftercare, crying after sex.

Summary: You decide to take Spencer to a secluded spot to rock his world. He turns the tables on you.

It neared two in the morning before Holly and Michelle emerged from Tucci's, hand in hand and grinning like madmen. Spencer couldn't help the smile that peeled open across his face at the sight. Good for them, they both deserved it. 

Honey stood a bit away from him, keeping her distance in front of her friends. Spencer didn't mind. It wasn't the first time a woman wanted to keep it from her friend that she was sleeping with him. It probably wouldn't be the last. 

Michelle made a beeline for Honey, scooping her up in a big hug. Honey set her chin on her shoulder and squeezed her back as Holly sidled up next to him. 

"Thank you for coming," he murmured with a sheepish grin. "I didn't think this was your scene, but I wasn't ready to do this alone."

Spencer shrugged, "Anytime, man."

Holly reached out a hand for Spencer to shake, and when he took it pulled him in for a bear hug. Spencer chuckled to himself and hugged him back as the girls whispered between themselves. 

"You guys wanna hit up Tooky's?" Holly asked as he pulled away. 

Spencer glanced over at Honey, who gave him a subtle shake of her head. He didn't really want to go back there anyway after what went down with Lonnie and Lloyd, or have a reminder of that horrible night. 

"I'm ready to head back," he said instead. All he really wanted to do was pound Honey into the mattress anyways. 

"I know it's not my business," Holly began, keeping his voice down while the girls chatted. He cleared his throat and adjusted as he stood in his uncomfortableness. "And I don't know what's going on, if anything is going on, but-."

"Hurt her and I'll get my ass kicked?"

Holly chuckled, "That… and just keep something in mind for me, man. She's rough around the edges, but she deserves the world. Even if it's just sex, which I don't want to hear about, respect her."

He kicked lightly at the ground and avoided Spencer's gaze. "You'll have friends here even when you leave, Honey included. We like you, so don't screw up your chance to come visit if you ever find yourself back this way."

"I won't," Spencer promised. He meant it, and he valued Holly's words. "Maybe I'll come back some day."

He didn't even know if he meant that last part, but it was nice to know the option was there. 

Holly nodded, and they said their goodbyes. Spencer made sure to open the door to the van for Honey before going around to his side, then they set off for Thunderbird. 

The dark highway spread out for miles, lonesome and scattered with a few errant off roads. The sky lay above them in a deep greenish blue, the redwoods and pines along the road shadowed in darkness. Spencer thought something was missing, and it took a bit to realize it was the fireflies. 

They didn't occur naturally in California. The Midwest was full of them in the summer, blinking lazily in the night air. The closest thing out here were the stars shining brightly above them. They glimmered across the horizon, disappearing into the far-off ocean. 

Music played softly through the speakers of Honey's beat up van. Spencer kept his hand on her thigh, just under the hem of her dress as he leaned against the door. It comforted him, as it had been years since he’d spent more than one night with a woman, let alone worked up to the point of touching her like this without having slept with her. He was looking forward to that, and three more weeks of easy sex and physical comfort. Maybe she’d even sleep next to him after.

He glanced over to check on her. It was late, nearing four in the morning. The wind from the cracked window blew her hair back, the light from the dash washing her in a teal glow. She was truly a beautiful woman, looking ethereal in the dim lighting. 

"Where are we going?" he asked after a while. Thunderbird had only been about forty minutes from the restaurant, and they'd been driving for over an hour. 

Honey smiled to herself, but she didn't look his way, instead focusing on the road ahead. "I want to show you something."

She didn't say anything else. He didn't press it. If she was going to murder him in the woods he was pretty sure he could over power her. If she wasn't, he'd been through enough with her to know he'd probably enjoy it. She'd been right about the camping trip with the guys, so he dropped it. 

Another hour later, and she turned onto an off road. The van jumped and protested with each bump, but Honey just pressed on. They drove for a good twenty minutes before she turned again, stopping just inside an enclave of trees. As she put it in park, Spencer looked over at her again. She just popped open her door and hopped out. Spencer followed, meeting her around the front of the van. 

She reached out a hand for him, and he took it. Her warm fingers clasped his loosely, and she took off further into the ocean of foliage. The sun began peeking through the trees, and she was heading straight toward it. He could still see the van behind him, glad it was still in his line of sight. 

Birdsong blossomed as she led him down a winding dirt road. Her sundress flowed behind her like a river, billowing in the breeze. They hit another curve in the direction of the sun, and she was lost in its shine as they stepped out of the trees. 

It took a minute for Spencer's eyes to adjust to the light, but when they did his breath caught in his chest. A riverbed lay before them, clear blue water trickling along lazily. Mountains of trees surrounded the lake, spread out as far as the eye could see. The sun made its way up the opposite side, blanketing the water in shadow and Spencer and Honey in shade. 

"Why did you bring me here?" Spencer asked quietly. It was so serene and perfect, he almost wanted to cry at this place's natural beauty. It was such an intimately hidden place, surely as secluded as parts of Honey, as parts of himself.

Honey squeezed his fingers, "I don't know. I just wanted to."

She turned to him with a soft smile and adventure gleaming in her eye, "How do you feel about a day away from Thunderbird?"

"Sounds like a dream."

Honey went back to the van and moved it closer to the riverbed, backing it up through the little winding road. She angled the back to face the bank, then opened up the trunk. She had everything one would need for an impromptu camping trip inside. A blanket was spread just outside of the van, a few camping chairs and a little meal kit. She even had a traveling trash can and some food in a cooler. She went quickly to work setting up a fire for the cool morning chill and made some coffee over the flames. 

Spencer lounged on a chair on the blue patterned blanket as she handed him one of those metal cups campers liked to use. Honey eased herself next to him and sighed happily. Steam rose from her mug as she held it delicately, her knees pulled up to her chest. She’d long since taken off her shoes, opting to walk around barefoot, her wild hair bouncing down around her shoulders.

This was exactly the place a woman like her belonged. A stunning creature sitting in one of the most beautiful places Spencer had ever been. 

“I love this place.” She spoke quietly, her voice far away as she lived through an old memory. She pointed off toward one of the ridges. “When I first found it, I thought for a moment I’d fallen off that cliff and died. I thought it was heaven.”

"How'd you find it?" he asked lightly, sipping from his mug. Everything out here was still, moving only in the way that was natural to it. It was the sort of peace Spencer had been searching for all this time. He was honored to be there. 

"When Ernie died, I was still too scared to go back in the ocean. I still don't like it, but I'm good with the rivers," she began, but it wasn't sad. That bright spirit glinted in her eye as she watched the scene before them. "I just started driving out to the middle of nowhere and hiking. I found this place a few years ago and I like to come here when I need a break."

"Found yourself needing a break?" he asked lightly. She nodded slowly, then looked over at him. 

"I don't know if you know this, but I shot two guys last week." Her tone was playful, but her eyes raged with the memory. "Plus, it's good to get away sometimes."

Spencer reached out a hand, and she clasped it without hesitation. He squeezed her fingers tight before threading them together. "I'm sorry you had to do that."

Honey looked at him sadly, "I'm sorry you took a bat to the face."

He chuckled and shrugged. "I've had worse."

The sun warmed them as it rose, blanketing them in the steady rise in temperature. Honey's skin lay awash in orange and pink as it broke through the clouds, her eyes gleaming in the light. She let go of his hand and set the coffee cup on the ground. 

Spencer watched curiously as she stood and stretched, letting out a sweet groan as her arms came down. Honey turned to him with a devilish grin. 

"I don't know about you, but I'm gonna cool down before it gets too hot."

Spencer was about to ask what she meant when her fingers laced underneath the hem of her dress. His jaw dropped as she pulled down a pair of pink satin panties. They dropped to the blanket and she stepped out of them, then pulled the sundress over her head. 

Her hair swung down, landing over her shoulders and back. Her naked body glimmered in the light, curvy in all the right places and made of perfect places to grab a handful. His heart nearly stopped beating in his chest at the sight. 

She leaned on one hip and smirked at him. 

"Care to join me?"

I was feeling pretty good about myself as I walked into the river. The water was warm from the summer, welcoming and safe as I stepped further in. Waiting until I was deep enough, I ducked below the surface to wet my hair. 

When I popped back up, pushing my locks back from my face, I spotted Spencer hurrying to undo his belt. He'd already stepped out of his shoes, fingers fumbling to unlatch the leather and pull his pants down. 

Feeling a bit sorry for him, and rather excited, I made my way back to him. The rocky shoreline was smooth and warm under my feet, his jaw agape as he watched me approach. Water dripped from my body as I reached him, my hands pushing his away gently. 

I leaned in and pressed my lips to his, reveling in the hungry groan that escaped from him. Smoothly, I undid his belt as his tongue slid against mine, unzipping his pants and pulling his shirt from his waistline. Spencer's fingers deftly unbuttoned it as I slid my hand inside his pants, palming his growing length. 

He moaned into me as he tugged off his shirt and tossed it onto the blanket behind him, revealing his fuzzy chest and soft belly. I let my hands wander up his stomach, loving the slight twitches of his muscles as he pushed down his pants. 

I couldn't help myself, and I had to pull away just to get a good look at his cock. He was already hard and standing straight up, a slight curve at the end that I'd personally always enjoyed in a man. My hand wrapped around his thick length, hardly able to meet my fingertips together. When I gave him an experimental pump, he bucked forward in my hand.

Biting my lip, I looked up at him through my lashes and smiled. In a flash, Spencer scooped me up and pulled my hips flush against his. He kissed me furiously, pulling me by my leg to grind against my damp folds. 

I couldn't help but cling to him tightly, moaning against his lips as he stalked off toward the water. He pulled away to watch where he was stepping, so I moved onto his neck, nipping and sucking little bruises into his skin. 

The river welcomed us, enveloping our bodies in the warm water. Spencer’s strong hands held me close, safely keeping me in place as we went deeper. The birds sang through the trees, squirrels running up trunks and over logs. The trickling sound of the water drowned out our kissing like horny teenagers, but I didn't mind. 

I leaned back and sighed, my legs wrapped around his waist. Spencer held my hips as I lay back into the water, my hair following the flow of the current as I closed my eyes. I floated like that, just enjoying the feeling of someone else's hands on me. 

Without warning, Spencer went under the water, pulling me with him. I held my breath at the last moment, opening my eyes underneath to see him with puffy cheeks and trying not to smile. Our hands reached out in unison, tugging one another close and meeting in the middle. 

Bubbles popped their way to the surface as Spencer kissed me underneath the serene stream of water. His lips were warm, both of us holding our breaths until he pulled me back above to the fresh air. 

"You are fucking incredible," he panted, holding me close. Our naked bodies slid along one another, his dick pressing against my belly. I smiled and set my forehead against his, trying to catch my breath. His eyes were intense, glinting with mischief. Spencer's hand smoothed down my back and over my thigh, reaching between us. My jaw went a bit slack as his fingers brushed against my pussy, easing his way between my folds. 

"Just look at you," he murmured, his gaze unyielding as he watched me for a reaction. I sucked in a wavering breath as the pads of two thick fingers pushed against my entrance, swirling just enough to make me twitch in anticipation. He cocked his head, "Are you sure you want this?"

I nodded emphatically, "Spencer, please…"

That seemed to be all the permission he needed. In one swift movement, Spencer kissed me roughly, his free hand tangling into my damp hair, the other breeching my cunt under the surface. I moaned sharply, the sudden intrusion stretching my walls as two fingers pressed inside. 

My body tensed around him. Spencer eased his way in, curling and dragging the pads of his fingers as he pulled them out, only to push them back in. My chest heaved with each pump, my hips rocking back down to meet them. The water sloshed around us, but he was focused solely on me. 

He leaned his forehead against mine to watch me, his cheeks red and blotchy. I could feel his cock against my thigh, bobbing up and down with the water. His hair started to curl as it dried, his strong hands holding me exactly where he wanted. 

"Mmm, Spencer," I whined desperately, bucking my hips for my release. It had been so long, and my eyes fluttered shut in anticipation when he gripped my jaw suddenly and stopped his hand between my legs. 

Spencer angled me to look at him, his eyes blazing. I clenched around his fingers at the fire that lay there, and he leaned in to nip at my bottom lip before pulling away. 

"You're too tense," he growled in a low voice. His fingers could have bruised my cheeks by the way he held me, and all it did was make me want to fuck his hand until it cramped. "Let go. I'm gonna take care of you, but you have to let me. Stop trying to be in control all the time."

My eyes turned glassy at his words, his promise to get me where I wanted to go. I found myself nodding dumbly, and only then did he begin moving his fingers again, pumping me slowly and steadily picking up speed. 

"Keep your eyes on me," Spencer whispered. My thighs twitched around his hips. "I wanna watch you cum for me."

He kissed me then, his curling digits driving me closer and closer to the brink of insanity. I was floating on air, my face heating up and my body relaxing into his wants and wishes. He kept a firm grip on my jaw, watching intently in a way that with anyone else might have made me feel too seen, but it was deliciously dominating. 

I let my body take over, letting Spencer guide me instead of barreling toward a release. We had all the time in the world, and my hips rocked in motion with what he wanted. My breathing picked up, my chest heaving.

"There you go," Spencer murmured. The coil started to tighten in that panicking way, excitement coursing through my veins as my walls tightened around him. I watched him through hazy eyes with my mouth hung open as he cracked a cocky grin, his eyes swimming with desire. "Just take it, good girl. Let me watch."

The moan that burst from my chest was pathetic, my fingers tightening in his hair. My hips rolled, grinding down on his beautiful hand as that tension in my lower belly finally snapped. 

"Spencer!" I cried out into the wilderness, the mountains swallowing my ecstasy. My eyes rolled back as I pressed my forehead against his, my body shuddering and clamping down on him. 

Spencer slowed as it waned, and when he pulled himself from me I let out a whine. His arms encircled me, pulling me in for a bear hug. I went limp in his grasp, letting my head loll on his shoulder as I caught my breath. 

"Oh, that was perfect, perfect," he cooed sweetly in my ear. Spencer pressed a gentle kiss to the side of my head as he held me close. "Good girl…"

I closed my eyes, reveling in the comfort and his praise. Spencer rocked me back and forth under the water, lightly rubbing a hand up my spine. I felt him pull back a little to look at me. 

"Don't fall asleep on me now," he warned, and the next thing I knew he was carrying me out of the water. I clung limply to him, ready to doze even as the cool air hit my naked skin. 

Spencer set me gently on the blanket and smoothed back my hair. I grinned weakly up at him, and he cocked his head at me. "I'm not done with you, Honey."

My skin buzzed with electricity as Spencer smoothed his palms up my thighs. He squeezed now and then as he made his way up further, taking time to fondle my breasts. His hard cock stood at attention between his thighs, making me more excited than I could ever explain. I couldn't help but sigh as his broad hand feathered lightly over my throat, my eyes fluttering shut. 

"God, look at you," he breathed, looming over me. I reached out for him, and he complied without hesitation. Spencer leaned down and kissed me gently, his hand moving to cup my jaw. 

I moaned into his mouth as Spencer lowered himself on top of me. My head swam with the want I had for him, with the release I wanted to feel again. My arms encircled his neck, my legs tangling around his waist, but Spencer shook his head and pulled back. 

He tapped my nose, and I'm sure I looked ridiculous going cross eyed trying to follow it. "Just lie back and take it, okay?"

I made a face, "Why don't you want me to take control?"

Spencer chuckled and gave me a quick kiss. I tried to chase him for more, but he shoved me down into the blanket with a hand on my chest. He gave me a serious look, "I'm tired of watching you take care of everyone. I don't care what you do away from me over the next few weeks, but when we're together, I'm going to take care of you."

"Why?" I asked quietly. I enjoyed it, sure, but it had been so long since anyone had wanted to do so. At least in this way. I was everyone's rock, everyone else's safe place. 

His eyes were dark and delicious as he watched me in the morning light. "Because I said so. I don't have any control in this town, and you have too much of it. I think it's time we both have a change in scenery."

I nodded in acceptance. In truth, I wanted that. I wanted to let go, to have even the small opportunity to do so. Spencer reached out and grabbed my jaw again, looming darkly above. 

"Yes or no," he growled darkly. "I wanna hear you say it."

My back arched at the dominance in his voice. I shivered even in the morning heat, wriggling a bit to alleviate the pulsing between my legs. 

"Yes," I whispered shakily. 

"Good girl," he praised softly. Spencer moved himself onto his knees and grabbed his pants from our pile of clothing. I watched through hooded lids as he pulled his wallet out of his pocket, flipping it open until he slipped a condom wrapper from the old leather. 

I got up on my elbows, slowly making my way up to him as he put everything back into the pile. I was getting to my knees in front of him when he caught me, cocking a brow my way. 

"What did I just say?"

I shivered in delight at his commanding voice, but I just fluttered my lashes at him. I put one hand on his belly and smiled, the other reaching between us to stroke his cock. Spencer's jaw clenched, but he just watched me with a squint. 

"Can I put it on?" I asked sweetly. I twisted my wrist and gave him a light squeeze, delighting in the way his length pulsed under my palm. "Pretty please?"

This was new for me. I was used to sex being a fight for dominance, a quick battle for release. Sure, with Ernie, it had always been special and loving. We enjoyed trying new things and experimenting, but being completely submissive was something I hadn't tried. 

Spencer nodded, handing me the wrapper. I was glad he brought it. I was still on birth control and Rico and I hardly used them besides as an afterthought, but Spencer was new to me and I was new to him. Who knew who he'd slept around with or the last time he'd been tested. 

I kept my eyes trained on his as I opened it and pulled out the condom. Spencer's chest patched red, his lips kiss bitten and swollen as he watched me back. Shuffling closer, I licked my palm and wrapped my hand around his length, giving him a few twisting squeezes. 

His breathing picked up, his hips twitching in anticipation. Pinching the top of the latex lightly so it didn't bubble at the tip, I held him firm as I slid it down his dick. When it was secure, I smoothed my palms up his chest and leaned in for a kiss. 

His lips were warm as they pressed against mine, one hand going for the hair at the nape of my neck as the other slid down my body. I moaned into him, melting into his strong presence and falling into Spencer Reid. 

He gripped my ass harshly, grunting as he pulled me flush against him. In a swift move, his hand went down to the back of my thigh and tugged it up, and the next thing I knew I was on my back on the blanket again. 

Spencer made quick work of mounting me, grinding his length into my folds. I tangled my hands in his hair as he latched onto my neck, nipping and swiping his tongue to soothe. His hands wandered, squeezing and pinching only to smooth a hard palm over it after. I wriggled beneath him and whined for more friction, and soon enough he gave me what I wanted. 

His hand slipped between us, lining his thick head against my entrance. My thighs splayed open, wanting and ready for him. I struggled to relax as he breached me, he was so thick, but after a deep breath and a pause he pushed forward. He was so much larger than me, and my body struggled to accommodate his member as he pumped himself with my cunt. 

"Oh, god," I whispered shakily, my limbs trembling with each smooth roll of his hips. Spencer kept a firm hand in my hair as he did so. He had himself braced on his elbow, his body keeping me so in place I couldn't even rock back into him. 

My cheeks flushed with heat. My vision blurred as he filled my emptiness. The stretch burned, but it was worth it, so worth it. The deeper he went, the deeper I fell into his eyes. Spencer watched me with an intensity I'd never seen before, as though he were trying to read my mind and succeeding. 

My jaw wobbled as his hips rolled in a slow swirling motion. Spencer rocked me into the blanket, the packed sand shifting beneath me with each gentle thrust. His own face was patched red, but he was taking in my expression, watching for any sign. I knew instinctively that whatever one he found, he'd follow the road it led until he reached the end, then go find a new one. 

"So fucking tight," he groaned, his eyes fluttering back for a moment as he enjoyed himself. I clung to him limply, my mind running further away each time his cock pressed further inside me. "So wet and warm… this perfect pussy…"

I needed more. I needed to be beaten into submission by him, but it seemed Spencer had something else in mind to drive me crazy other than brutally fast and hard sex. 

His forehead pressed against mine as he picked up his pace. Spencer's breath fanned across my lips as he bottomed out, both of us sucking in deep as my body adjusted to him. Each roll of his hips was focused, poised to hit me deep and elicit a moan with every firm push of his head against my cervix. 

His eyes entranced me, my mind and problems drifting further away. I couldn't even remember my name. It didn't matter anyways. All I existed in at that moment was Spencer, in what he was giving me and what I took without hesitation. 

He kissed me with purpose, using each press of his lips to accentuate a thrust, a moan, an animalistic grunt from him. Even the rushing river faded into the void of my mind. Our breathing became the only sound I heard, the sharp slap of his hips hitting mine echoing around us.

"Spencer…" I whined, nuzzling close, desperately. Forceful huffs burst from my throat with each thrust, as though he were more than happy to fuck the breath out of me completely. 

My body took everything he gave. My mind fell into a fog, a hazy gray space of our breathing and the sweat on our skin. We slid together with ease, both of us moving in time and falling further into the sensation. 

He destroyed me in an instant with this. My ecstasy stood up tall in the flowers, all bright yellow blooms at the tip. He set me on fire, put out but left to smolder in the mid morning sun. That ember stayed lit, and as my orgasm crested, my trembling jaw fell open once more to call his name up to the skies and disappear in the clouds. 

"Cum for me," Spencer murmured against my lips as I chased him subconsciously. His entire being swallowed mine, absorbing me into his chest as we became one in that moment. "Crumble to pieces, Honey. Honey…"

I shattered, my gaze locked to his. Spencer never let up, never stumbled. He was this steady presence to cling to as a part of my mind burst into pebbles, the walls I'd kept up all these years exploding into rubble. I fell apart. I crumbled. 

The fire refused to dissipate, the smoldering flames lingering to be risen again. Spencer thrust hard one last time, capturing my lips with his. We slotted together perfectly, and I pulled him tightly to me as he moaned desperately into me. I felt him cum, the thick rush of heat that filled me even though he was protected. His groans turned to trembling grunts as he finished, nearly collapsing when he was done. 

Spencer pulled away just enough to press a trail of kisses down my jaw and neck, soft whispers fanning across my skin, "Perfect, perfect girl… good girl…"

His praises echoed through my bones, bouncing between my rib cage until they hit my heart. I reveled in them, his gentle hands brushing back my hair and his sweet words piercing me like a knife. 

"You're fucking amazing, Honey," he said one last time. We both sighed as he pulled out, then got to his knees. 

I found myself pulling up to sit. My arms wrapped around my knees, holding them close to my chest as he went about taking off the condom and cleaning himself up. I heard the crinkle of the wrapper, the sounds of it hitting the trash can, but my eyes were focused on the scenery around us. 

Emotions I couldn't place swirled in my chest. The broad expanse of forestry laid out before me like an endless haven. I was safe. I was satisfied. Still, my body shuddered as hot tears came suddenly. My jaw clenched tightly to keep them in check, but I couldn't stop the swell of vulnerability that surfaced. 

"Hey," Spencer said softly, his gentle hand landing on my shoulder. I couldn't look at him. His arms encircled me instead. I wished it felt like a vice, something to break free from, but again Spencer Reid was something solid and warm to lean against, to be consumed by. 

"I don't…I don't know what's wrong with me," I muttered. My skin melted into him, my arms leaving my knees to clutch his and keep them around me. "I need to be touched. I don't know why."

Spencer's legs spread to pull me between them, his thighs encasing my own. I molded to fit his bigger frame, letting him hold me and in the same moment holding him so tightly around me I might be crushed. 

"You're not doing anything wrong," he murmured, his lips brushing against my ear. I was so ashamed of being seen. I wanted to disappear to nothing with the weight of his eyes looking right through me. "You let go. You didn't lose control, you gave it up, and it was glorious. Just take a minute to get it back."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. The scent of sweat and sex swirled around us, the faint plume of coffee beans just on the edge from the nearby fire. Its soft crackles grounded me, the steady rise and fall of his chest against my ribcage calming my fast beating heart. 

"Thank you for giving that to me," Spencer whispered after a while. 

I turned enough to look up at him, but he never let me go. My brows furrowed together as I swallowed a lump in my throat, not sure how to phrase what I wanted to ask. “Why did you want that?”

Spencer’s eyes widened a bit, but then they softened for me. One hand came up to cup my jaw and rub a light circle into my cheek. He sighed, “Let’s just say it’s been a long time since I’ve had any real intimacy with anyone. Sex is one thing, but this?”

His palm smoothed down my arm, lightly squeezing my bicep. He hugged me tighter and gave a little grunt with the effort. “I’m not in the place to ask anyone to trust me enough for this. I’m a fucking mess, a loner, and I’ve been running from my problems for years instead of just facing them. I can’t keep a girlfriend long enough for real intimacy to happen.” “Then why did you ask me for it?” I asked quietly, my voice shaking just enough to denote a bit of fear. Not of him. Of myself, of how much I enjoyed it.

“After what happened at Tooky’s…” Spencer trailed off, taking in a deep breath. He needed a moment to gather up his courage, opting to press his lips to my forehead to gather his thoughts. I leaned into it, sucking up any bit of comfort I could get in that instant. Spencer sighed against me, “I find myself trusting you. It’s been a long time and selfishly, I’d like to let myself do that more before I leave.”

He pulled back to look down at me, “Is that okay?”

His eyes were filled to the brim with a hesitant uncertainty I’d never really seen from him. He was so guarded, so angry and lonely, but as I watched him it seemed to strip away delicately to show a deep part of him. Spencer was vulnerable, and dreadfully alone. I was too.

“Yes,” I replied softly. “I want that too.”

The sweet smile that cracked open on his tired face made my heart swell. He seemed so relieved. Spencer kissed my forehead again before pulling me in close. We sat like that for a while, the slow trickling of the river taking away some of the emotions with it, flowing out to sea. 

"Wildflower Honey," Spencer murmured quietly as we dozed later, tangled up under a blanket found in the back of my van and holding one another tightly as the day lazily passed us by. We didn't talk much, or about anything but some of the things we were interested in sexually. 

He said it again, Wildflower Honey, in a soft whispering exhale as he fell asleep. He started to snore quietly, and I smiled against his fuzzy naked chest. We drifted to sleep in the evening heat. 

Wildflower Honey. 

Smurph's Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Notes: Oh, my heart o.O I love them so freaking MUCH. What do you think of softdom!Spencer and his need for intimacy?

Also, have you guy listened to any of the songs that these chapters are inspired by? Which one is your favorite?

@thedancingcostumeyoungadult @muffin-cup @simplyparker @spencerreidsmommy @hotchandspencearedilfs @gspenc @kbakery @nomajdetective @givemeth @hoshihiime @halloween-is-my-nationality @reidselle @thisiscalmanditsdoctorreid @dreatine @thebloomingeagle @fortheloveofwonderland @theforgottenwinter @parkerreidnorth @reidselle @randomhoex @scargarcia-magshotchner @stitchwrites @pygmygoat-bicyclehelmet @cle13 @aysixdy @elhotchner @directioner5life @elhotchner @loveeee2134 @preciousbabypeter @la-stuffs @stories-you-wont-hear @hotchlover @fortheloveofwonderland @lokiandhisdagger @bellanutellababyyy @dark-night-sky-99 @straightforbuckybutgayfornatasha @maltamurdock @charelletjee @kansas-reid @zephyrmonkey @spencer-reid-wonderland @spencersprettyslut @im-sure-its-fine @tvdstelenaforever @teddylupintonks  @lilibet261 @kneelforloki @dirtytissuebox @almostgenerallyalways @whovian378 @cl0udyqu33n @thegettingbyp2 @averagestudent03 @the-sun-died-out @squishycalumxo @sebastiansstanswhore 

@louderfortheback @pandabiiissh @calebye

@dottirose @lfaewrites @padsfirewhisky @wheels-upin-thirty @f-me-reid @justanothercmblog @academiareid @moyo5653 @comfybabie @trxshwriting 

[hsdigitalmedia]

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[pixxeludigitaltechnology]

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[blog-atechies]

A full-service web design and digital marketing company run by experts, providing SEO, PPC, social media, web design mobile app development services and more.

[smurphyse]

The Ghosts of Right Now | Spencer Reid

Part 5 of Routine Maintenance

Warnings: arguments, exploding toilets, confessions

Summary: Spencer leaves with the guys to the Falls... but not before getting into an argument with you. Later, someone from his past shows up unannounced.

Getting down the ladder was an adventure in and of itself for both Spencer and Honey. They both only had a hand between the two, but after a few minutes of fumbling they managed to hit sand. Both fairly tipsy for this early in the morning, they walked slowly back to the Inn. Honey hadn't driven anyways, instead walking straight from the clinic. Neither said much, and they strolled instead in silence, waving at the handful of people milling about. 

An old four seat jeep was parked in front of the Inn, a tall sandy blond man leaning against it and smoking a cigarette. He watched the street with hyperfocus, sharp eyes catching any movement. Spencer assumed he must be Holly Henson in the military green tee and cargo pants. He even wore military grade boots and a Rangers cap, a man who never really left the war. 

His eyes lit up as he spotted Honey, and he flicked the cigarette into the gravel drive before running up to her. He scooped her up in a bone crushing hug, lifting her tiny body up at least a foot and a half in the air. Honey let out an oof as she was gripped tightly, but she looped her arms over his shoulders and hugged him back. Her legs dangled down his front, her feet barely reaching his knees. 

"I'm so sorry, Honey Bear," he said in a deep tearful voice. He rocked her from side to side. "I should've been there."

"I'm okay, Holly,"she said softly, cementing Spencer's assumption of who he was. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"No, no," he insisted. This giant man's chin wobbled as he buried his nose into Honey's neck. "If I'd just been brave, you wouldn't have been there and this never would have happened."

Honey wrapped her legs around his waist and squeezed him tighter. "It's a brave man who can admit when something���s not safe for him, Holly. You're the bravest guy I know."

He sniffled as she kissed his temple, then she twisted to point behind her at Spencer, who just stood there awkwardly. Her voice strained as his big arms held her in a death grip. 

"Holly, this is Spencer. He's staying at the Inn while Rose fixes his car."

Instead of putting her down, Holly just shifted Honey onto his hip like a toddler. He reached out his left hand to shake Spencer's good one, nearly breaking his fingers in the process. 

"It's a good thing you did, man," he said as he let go. "This girl's near and dear to my heart."

"She did all the work," Spencer replied awkwardly. 

"Can you put me down now?" Honey asked lightly, but Holly just held her tight and shook his head. 

"Nah, I need this for a few more minutes."  

That seemed to be enough for Honey, and she just leaned on his shoulder as he turned to the jeep and tightened a latch. The man was massive, but obviously had a very tender heart. He reminded Spencer of Morgan and Alvez, albeit a bit more in touch with his feelings. 

Spencer was watching them with begrudging amusement when the door to the auto shop next door opened. The little tinkling of the bell caught their attention, and out walked Rose with a very sheepish looking Rico following closely behind. 

Honey wiggled out of Holly's arms, and he set her down gently on the gravel as Rico made his way toward her. His head hung low, ringing his fingers together. Spencer felt bad for him. He was an idiot, but he'd just been trying to defend Honey at the time. Her body coiled tightly, and she crossed her arms over her chest as he approached. Rico reached out a hand but she angled herself away. He nodded to himself and looked down at his shoes. 

"I'm so sorry, Honey. I was so drunk, I didn't even thin-," he began, but she cut him off. 

"Apologize to him," she growled, pointing a thumb over her shoulder at Spencer. "You could have gotten him killed."

She turned on her heel and patted his shoulder, "Have fun. I have a toilet to fix."

Honey ignored Rico’s pleading gaze as she stomped inside the Inn. He sighed heavily and ran a rough hand over his forehead before meeting Spencer's eyes.

"I'm fine," he told him before he could apologize. "I've taken worse beatings than that."

Rico shook his head. "I should've left when Honey told me to. I was being a jackass and drowning my feelings. I'm sorry you got caught up in it."

Never one for handshakes, but after finding it got him a lot farther and made things easier than telling people he didn't like germs, Spencer just stuck out his hand. Rico stared at it for a moment before taking it. 

"My mom says you're a good guy," he said, obviously uncomfortable. "She's a good judge of character. Should've taken her at her word."

"Who's your mom?" Spencer asked as he let him go. 

"Collie. She likes that you knew she was Basque. A lot of people don't even know what that is."

"I've traveled a lot. She's really sweet."

"You two done or can we leave?" Rose cut in. He leaned against the jeep, but the slight quirk of his mouth told Spencer he wasn't really irritated. "Lionel's already up waiting for us at the camp."

"I'll just go get changed."

Spencer headed inside the hotel, trudging down the hallway to his room. He pulled his pants out of the plastic bag Dr. Altman had put his things in and took out the key. As he was fumbling with the lock and sticky door, he heard one behind him open. 

He turned to see Honey stepping out of her apartment, flashing him a small smile and holding a DeWalt tool bag. She pointed at the door, "Need some help?"

"Sure."

She took over for him, throwing her shoulder into the door and cracking it open. She waved him inside, following him as he stepped through. 

"Think you can get this brace off?" Spencer asked. He grabbed his suitcase and tossed it on the bed, letting it bounce before going for the zipper. When he struggled with it she shooed him away and opened it for him.  

"Pick one."

Spencer pointed to a blue tee and a darker flannel. Honey unfurled them gently, taking care not to move around his other clothes. She hardly even looked at the suitcase, and Spencer could tell she was going out of her way to not be nosy.

She rounded him without a word and unstrapped the sling from his shoulder, holding his elbow and gently lowering his arm from the strapped position over his chest. Spencer gripped the back of his collar and tried to pull the shirt over, but winced audibly as a pain rocketed through the joint. 

"Can I help?" Honey asked cautiously. Her voice was a bit small and hesitant, and Spencer felt an odd flush hit his cheeks. 

He nodded once, avoiding turning around to look at her. He didn't know why he suddenly felt so conscious of the fact that she was about to see him without a shirt on. Clearing his throat, Spencer held his shoulders up tight just to feel a bit more confident. 

He'd had plenty of one night stands over the last two years, and had little issue taking off his shirt like he had when he was younger. This felt…charged somehow, like there was an electricity in the air between them. 

Her fingertips brushed under the hem of his shirt, and in a flash of mild panic he remembered that this shirt likely belonged to Ernesto. Shame flooded across his chest at the thought of making her remove her dead husband's clothing from him. He was nothing to her, just a stranger. He shouldn't have her doing this. 

But her hands were so smooth, and as they brushed over his spine Spencer had to close his eyes. She touched him far more gentler than anyone has in a long time. His one night endeavors were fast and hard, just long enough to satisfy his partner and clear his mind for a moment. This wasn't something he'd experienced in years. Probably not since Max, and in truth he hadn't thought of her much since he left DC either. 

It was best to leave that all in the past. 

Honey stepped in front of him as she eased the shirt over his shoulders, keeping her eye on his swollen joint and wincing at the sight. She folded the shirt carefully and set it on the mattress, running a soft hand over it and sighing before picking up his blue one. 

"You should just forgive him," he found himself blurting out. Honey held the shirt midair and cocked her head at him. "Rico wasn't trying to get you injured. He was just trying to help."

She frowned, her brows marring in irritation. "You don't know anything about me and Rico."

"I know he loves you. He just wanted to keep you safe." 

"Good for him. Give me your arm." She shook the cotton at him, and he gave her what she asked for. 

With a softness he hadn't really seen from her, Spencer couldn't keep his eyes off her as she put his shirt on for him. She even put his flannel on, smoothing down the lapels before reaching for his brace. 

"I'm usually in and out of a town. I don't like the idea of getting in between you two."

"There's nothing to get in between," she grumbled back, this time taking his arm without asking first. She slipped it over his arm and shoulder, tightened it gently and slowly. Honey sighed angrily and met his eyes. 

She stared at him for a moment, searching his gaze for something he wasn't quite sure of. Crossing her arms over her chest, she tapped her foot in irritation like she had his first night here. 

"Why don't you stay anywhere for very long?"

"What do you care?"

She squinted at him, "You're asking about my life. Why shouldn't I ask about yours?"

Spencer ran his free hand over the back of his neck, contemplating if he should even answer. She just watched him expectantly, tapping her damned foot on the hardwood. 

"I'm not exactly good company," he spat. "Would you want to put up with me for more than a day or two?"

Honey shrugged, unsatisfied. "There's a lot of people I wouldn't want to spend that much time with, yet they haven't wandered across the country for no reason."

"I have reasons," Spencer gritted out. Who the hell did this girl think she was? She had no right to his life, even if she had saved it. "They're none of your business."

"You know about my dead husband, and I'm sure you know the horrible way he died," she countered, not moving an inch. She was insufferable. "Tit for tat, Mr. Buzzkill."

Spencer's squint somehow was even tighter as he glared at her. "My mom died and I decided I didn't want to live the life I was anymore. I didn't have to take care of her anymore."

"Dead mom's a good excuse to ditch your friends and family instead of admitting you ran away." 

"Fuck you."

"No thanks, I only fuck my dead husband's friends," she shot back. 

They glared at one another for a few moments, both unrelenting in their aggressive stances and irritation. Her bruises only made him angrier, as did the thought of her dead husband. It made him feel guilty for wanting to throw her on the bed and fuck the fight out of her. 

Finally, she cracked. Her lip twitched up into a smile, and before he knew it Spencer was laughing with her. It petered out after a few seconds but it dissipated most of the tension in the room. Honey brushed back her hair with a shaky hand before pointing at the Thunderbird Soccer League shirt. 

"I'll get this back to Mattie May," she murmured, picking it up. She held it to her chest and ran her thumb along the faded logo, trying to seem braver than she was. 

"Good call," he muttered back. "I'll see you tomorrow." 

He sidestepped her and made his way out of the room, wanting to walk away without another thought. He couldn't really help himself, though, and chanced a glance over his shoulder. 

Honey held the shirt up to her nose, her eyes clamped shut. Spencer watched painfully as a stray tear trickled down her cheek and stained the cotton fabric. She let out a long sigh and opened her glassy eyes to look out the window toward the beach. 

Spencer's courage evaporated in an instant. He had to get the hell out of there before he wrapped his arms around her for comfort. She didn't need or want it from him, and he'd done enough already to hurt her feelings. 

The truth was, she was right. Spencer had run away. On a cool DC morning, Spencer turned in his resignation to Emily, got in his car, and drove for Georgia. He wasn't sure why that was the first place he went, but he didn't stop until he hit the Macon County Line. 

He was running away again, this time without a car and away from Honey. He didn't really want to do this guys night with Rose and the guys, but he had to get away from her. It was sick, the way his stomach was churning around a woman he'd only known for a few days. 

He wanted to take her someplace safer, pull her pain out with his teeth. She made him feel the way JJ had when she was pulling away, slowly wasting away after her miscarriage. She was his best friend, and he saw what her secrets were doing to her. There were all these reasons all the time for them all to be afraid. He just wanted to take her someplace safer. 

At the same time he wanted to leave. He was sick of carrying the weight, of his friends and his own. He couldn't be their emotional pack mule, something they never seemed to understand. They only wanted to know what was going on with him to know, and to baby him. It was never to be a part of his life. 

He talked too much and rambled too long about things they didn't care about. It took almost twenty years for him to just keep it inside, to stop being a burden on anyone else. It was the way he saw his mother, and soon enough he became his team's burden too. 

Being in this town was like being haunted by the ghosts of right now. He already knew this place was going to stay with him, and for fucks sake… all he wanted was to move on. He wanted to leave every place he'd been for years. 

Spencer wanted to go some place safer. 

When would he find it?

I stood there in Spencer's room for a long time, clutching Ernie's shirt to my chest and trying not to cry. I boxed up most of his stuff years ago and put it in storage, and Mattie May had the key. I knew she was just trying to be nice and give Spencer something to wear without going through his suitcase, but it killed me that she gave him one of Ernie's shirts to wear instead of Rose's. 

I missed him so much. Words could never explain what I lost that day. There was nothing to convey the torture of holding my dead husband in the water for three days, holding out on hope that he just might wake up and tell me everything would be fine. 

Each day I expected him to walk through the doors of the Inn. He used to bring me saltwater taffy every Friday along with some sushi, and to this day I spent my Fridays eating just that in my lonesome studio apartment. I never stopped hoping that one day he may bring it to me so I wouldn't have to be by myself. 

I put on a show for the townspeople. I don't let Mattie May or Rose see that each night I drink myself to sleep. I don't let Collie or Augstín know that some days her coffee is the only thing keeping me up after a bender. I don't let Michelle know I'm squirreling away every dollar I make at her diner just in case I take the plunge one day and leave Thunderbird for good. 

I'm so fucking tired. All these memories won't just let me rest. All I have done the last ten years is keep the town going while everyone moved on with their lives and I'm still stuck in first gear. How can I move on from Ernie when every day he's all around me?

I heard the jeep pull away, but I couldn't seem to move from my spot until I heard the landline ring at the front desk. Hustling down the hallway, I clutched Ernie's shirt under my arm to get to it.

I picked it up just as it dropped, then slammed it back in the cradle with unknown anger. I snatched it again and with a rage yelled fuck you into the receiver before putting Ernie's shirt on the desk. 

After a few moments of glaring at the floor, I managed to pull myself together a bit. I had things to do today, so I couldn't let myself wallow over anything that shithead Spencer Reid said to me or him wearing my husband's clothes. 

I grabbed my tool bag from Spencer's doorway and headed to Room 2. This toilet was the bane of my existence, but I was determined to fix it instead of replace it. Most of the fixtures here were original, and the last thing I wanted to do was get rid of anything I didn't have to if I was going to sell if I ever got the courage to leave. 

A few hours later I found myself elbow deep in the damned thing, tweaking the water flow and trying to find the issue. I was dead focused on a leaking pipe in the back when a knock on the doorframe jolted me from my spot. 

"Fuck!" I screamed, yanking my wrench down too far. I somehow managed to hit the flush as I jumped to my feet, and before I knew it a geyser of water erupted from the bowl. 

A manicured pair of hands yanked me away, and I stared in awe as a polished woman in a red pantsuit with gray hair knelt down and shut off the water. It soaked her front and pants, but I was rooted watching her in shock.  

She stood and wiped some water from her forehead as she turned to me. "You need a new toilet. The flow is reversed and the pipe’s about to burst."

"Who the fuck are you?" I asked sharply, my brows furrowed. 

Keeping her cool better than I would, she stuck out a damp hand. "Emily Prentiss. I believe we spoke yesterday."

"Oh," I managed, reaching out on autopilot and shaking her hand. "What happened to, 'Spencer's a grown man and he'll call if he needs me?'"

"I got worried when he didn't call, so I did and nobody answered. Usually he lets me know if anything has happened." Emily put her hands on her hips and pointed behind me. "What room is he staying in?"

"Room 4, but he's not here right now. He went with the guys to the Falls," I told her. I didn't really want to like her because of her dismissive attitude the night before. "They'll be back in the morning."

Emily quirked a brow, "The guys?"

"A few guys from town. They all served and they don't like the fireworks," I replied, pointing a thumb over my shoulder at nobody in particular. "Heard that he doesn't either, so they took him camping for the night."

Emily burst into hearty laughter that made me take a cautious step away from her. It died down and she wiped her eye with the back of her hand. "Sorry, if you knew Spencer like I do you'd know how ridiculous the thought of him camping is. I'm sure he'll be very comfortable in his suits and sweater vests."

"I don't know," I muttered, "I dressed him in a tee and flannel before he left."

Her brows raised, "You dressed him?"

I shrugged, "It's hard to dress yourself with a shoulder brace."

Emily hummed, but she seemed satisfied with my answer. She took a deep breath, "Well, I'd like a room for the night, then."

"Sure. I've got an unobstructed view of the beach in Room 6."

"It doesn't seem like anyone else is staying here at the moment. Why didn't you give it to Spencer?"

"Because fuck him, that's why," I replied bluntly. Emily chuckled a bit at my brazenness so I laughed with her. "Plus, he was rude to me when I first met him."

Emily nodded, making a face. She motioned to her clothes, "How about I get cleaned up and you show me a good place to eat?"

"Oh, I'm not a tour guide, but I can point you in the right direction."

"No, but you seem like an interesting person and Spencer said everyone here is weird… so color me intrigued."

I leaned on the doorframe and waved my wrench at her, "I think I'm gonna like you, Emily."

"Everyone does, Honey."

An hour later I was sitting outside Collie's Cafe with yet another stranger. Emily had opted for a pair of leggings and an old tee with the FBI logo on it. She had her long hair pulled back into a sleek ponytail, leaving me feeling a bit frumpy with my wild curls and old wife beater and shorts. 

It was my go to outfit as it was easy and both options came in a large number of colors to choose from. My hair had always been a bit unruly, and when I was younger my mother used to straighten it for me. After moving to Thunderbird, Ernie taught me a bit about curl care, but mine never had the same tight smooth ringlets his did. Instead they frizzed out and made me look a bit like a haggard lion. 

People milled about, getting ready for the night's festivities. Nell always set off the fireworks in the bay, and I usually watched from a secluded spot on the beach. The town was alight with red, white, and blue. Everyone dressed in the colors, bright headbands and buying things for the night. 

"Spencer mentioned this place has really good coffee," Emily mused as she looked through the menu. "But he fills it halfway with sugar so his opinion isn't the best."

"Collie is a master with beans. She orders it from her hometown in Bay of Biscay," I replied uncomfortably. People were staring, and while I was used to it for being the sad widow, this was different. "Her father ran a coffee company in Spain."

"My ears burn!" Collie announced as she approached our table. She wore a themed dress today, a far cry from her usual traditional dresses of her homeland. This one had the same style but was adorned with American flags. "You have a new friend, maitea."

"This is Emily," I introduced her. "She's staying at the Inn tonight."

I wasn't sure what to say, but I was sure Spencer wouldn't want everyone knowing his friend flew down to check on him. 

"Wonderful! I'm Collie." She reached out a hand to Emily, who took it, expecting to shake it. Collie clapped a hand over hers and gave her a tight squeeze. "You are beautiful!"

Emily couldn't help but smile and squeezed her back before letting go. "Thank you. This is an adorable cafe."

Collie beamed, her natural beauty shining through wonderfully. She turned to me and put a soft hand under my chin and frowned, clicking her teeth. "That Lonnie, I could kill him for laying a hand on you."

"I'm fine, Col," I told her, pulling away sheepishly. "Micah’s got them locked up anyways."

"How is Spencer? Is he okay?"

"He's fine. Rose stole him away for the night."

Collie clicked her teeth again and smiled, "That he will like. Good boys all around."

She took our orders and disappeared back inside. Emily and I made small talk about the town and spoke to a few passersby who were trying not to seem nosy, but we both knew they just wanted to meet the stranger. Collie came back out with our coffees and food, bringing out some karouga for a light dessert before going back in. 

"So," Emily said after she took a long sip of her coffee. "Spencer got hurt defending you?"

I nodded, then told her the whole story. She listened intently, her gaze unwavering and giving nothing away. "He met me at the beach this morning, which is probably why he didn't call you."

Her brow raised at that, "You didn't wait for him to wake up?"

I shrugged, "I'm not good with that hospital. I needed to blow off some steam so I went to my boat to work on it."

"A lot of people don't like hospitals," she agreed with me. "Do you sail or race?"

I smiled at her. Not a lot of people knew much about racing sailboats. "I used to race back in the day. I grew up in Maine. I found water rescue, though, and that became my passion. I have a schooner now, but when we got that we mostly just cruised."

"We?"

I made a face and looked away, "My husband and I."

Her eyes fell to the ring on the chain around my neck. In all honesty, if my own ring hadn't slipped off in the accident I'd probably still wear it on my finger. 

She didn't press me on it, and I knew she'd read me like a book. We finished up at Collie’s and she insisted she pay, so I decided to let her. She wasn't the asshole she seemed like on the phone, and I was enjoying her company. 

Somehow we ended up in the liquor store grabbing a few bottles of tequila, then down to the beach. I didn't know why, but I brought her to the Isle of Honey. The sun was beginning to set and the fireworks would begin soon. The horizon blazed in streaks of red and orange, dark blue. Emily and I sat on the deck of the old schooner, passing a blender back and forth of margarita mix and tequila like Spencer and I had that morning. 

"He wasn't always like this, you know?" Emily asked after a stretch of silence. "When I met Spencer he weighed a buck twenty and wore these thick glasses… he was so sweet and innocent."

I scoffed, "That's hard to imagine." I couldn't see it in my mind. All I saw was the dickhead in a flannel and khakis who made me grit my teeth. 

"Yeah, he went through a lot in the last twenty years. The work we did, it changes you. He was never really given the chance to just be himself."

Emily sighed and crossed one ankle over the other, leaning back on her hands. She watched the horizon, and as always the damned ocean calmly watched us back. "His mind is amazing. It moves faster than anything I've ever seen. All that knowledge plopped into the head of a skinny kid from Vegas. He could've been a super villain, he's so smart, but he wanted to help people."

My brows furrowed, "What did he used to do?"

Emily looked my way with a frown, "He was an FBI agent. My team profiles serial killers."

To say I was shocked would be an understatement. She must have read it on my face, because her eyes widened, "You didn't know that."

I shook my head, "He's not much of a sharer. I'll give him credit where it's due, though. This is the nosiest town I've even been to and nobody's gotten much from him."

Emily winced and brought her legs up to her chest. She sighed, "Well, shit."

"Wouldn't have thought he was a genius either," I shrugged, taking a long sip of my margarita. The lemon lime flavor hit the back of my throat nicely after my shitty twenty four hours. "This morning I told him he was an idiot."

Emily laughed at that. She made grabby hands for the pitcher, so I passed it to her. She took a deep pull off the old glass and nodded, "He's a good guy. I promise. We should have loved him the way he needed us to."

"He should have asked for it, then," I replied quietly. "From what I've gathered, he ran away because it got too hard."

"He did, more than once," she whispered. Her face wracked with memory and pain. "We all just got so caught up in our own lives, and Spencer was always a rock and the youngest of us all. He never wanted to be a bother and we treated him like one whenever he opened up."

I knew all too well what that was like. For ten years I'd kept my feelings to myself to spare my family and the town. I did everything I could to make sure they were taken care of, neglecting myself in the process. The thought of letting them know how demolished I was was painful. I couldn't bear the thought of letting them know the old me was dead. 

"When he left, it hit us like a ton of bricks," she continued on, just as lost as I was in her own pain. "We saw how much we put on him, how we relied on his brain instead of learning for ourselves. He was so tired of the blood and the gore, but we all just assumed he was a lifer and would never do anything else. It never occurred to me how much pain he was in.

"Two years later and I know he's still hurt. I thought he'd find himself by now, find what he needed to be happy, but he's still lost."

"Then this could be the place for him," I told her honestly. "This is a town of lost souls. Almost everyone came from somewhere else."

"Is that how you came here?" Emily asked softly. "You were lost?"

I nodded, "I came from a bad situation. My dad was… a monster, to say the least. I had a sister and she died, so as soon as I turned eighteen I lit out of there. I met my mother in law at a truck stop and she brought me here.

"I never left," I finished quietly. I watched the ocean intently, both loving and hating it. The ocean was both my safe place and my doom. At so many points in my life it was the best place for me, and others just a source of misery and grief. 

"And now you want to leave and you feel guilty." I glanced over at her and she shrugged, tapping her temple. "Profiler. Saw it a mile away."

"It's hard to leave a place that gave you everything and took it away at the same time. I keep thinking it'll give me that again, y’know?"

"It was the same for Spencer, and myself," Emily agreed. "Our team was the only real family most of us had, and the things we experienced were only things we'd understand. But Spencer… he went through more than the rest of us. We just assumed he'd bounce back sooner or later, and then he handed me his resignation, told me his mom died… and then he just left."

"Hard to know if that's cowardly or brave," I muttered. I wasn't used to learning this much about a customer, especially one I detested. I couldn't seem to help myself, though, and asked, "Who was Maeve?"

Emily grunted in contemplation. She frowned and twisted her hands in her lap. She sat up straight and let out a long sigh, "His girlfriend. She died ten years ago or so. Him asking about her made me want to come down in the first place, and him not calling me kind of worried me more than I could handle."

“You think he’ll be angry when he sees you’re here?” 

Emily nodded, “Probably, but it’s been two years. Hopefully that’ll make up for it.”

I didn't have anything good to say, so I didn't reply. We made a new batch of margarita mix, strawberry this time, and sat in silence watching the fireworks. They exploded over the sky, shimmering lights trickling down over the ocean's surface. 

Every now and then we spotted Nell's boat with the light flashes. The giddy old man clapped with each boom, but my heart sank with them. The last few days left my mind a mess, and all I could see was the thunder that preceded the end of my life as I knew it. 

There was no wind tonight, but I could still feel it whipping my hair back and forth under its power. The harsh spray of the water hit my face over and over again, knocking me back on my ass every time I tried to get up. Ernie kept a firm hold on me, trying to keep us both from sliding over the deck, but in the end it didn't matter. 

Boom! Over and over again. The whole world seemed to rumble with thunder and lightning. We were powerless, lost to the sea we'd made our home on. Ernie made the ocean my safe place again and then it betrayed us. It took him from me, and as I sat on the deck of our broken home, rage filled my veins. 

I envied Spencer, and it pissed me off. Somehow that walking melancholy managed to gain the courage to walk out of his life and get away. I wished I had that bravery, but at the same time I hated him for it. Emily's pain was obvious, her regret at his loss emanated from her skin in waves. How could he do that to someone who loved him like that?

Imagining the pain I would cause if I left splintered my heart in my chest. These people took me in when nobody else wanted me, when I was scared and alone and angry at the world. They saw what I could be and gave me every opportunity to be myself, and now I hated who I'd become. 

Ungrateful, spiteful, bitter. I'd become my father, and the thought terrified me. How could I do this to all of these people who wanted the best for me? How could Spencer?

I didn't realize tears were flooding my cheeks in silence until Emily patted my shoulder. The heaviness in my face hit me like a ton of bricks as she pulled a travel kleenex from her purse and handed it to me without a word. I took it with a shaky hand and wiped my face, praying it would stop. 

I didn't think I'd ever stop being haunted. The ghosts of my past and the ghosts of right now surrounded me. The future was so…gray, and I couldn't see past the fog. It was a long time coming, and for the last ten years I'd contented myself with just existing, but sitting on this boat and watching the fireworks with a swollen face and a sprained wrist lit something deep inside me. 

I realized how tired I was of just sitting here, going through the motions day by day. It was exhausting to just be, and if I wasn't going to leave Thunderbird I needed to do something else. At the rate I was going, I was bound to end up with a gun in my mouth. 

All these ghosts weighed on my shoulders, but they didn't mean to. I'd forced them all to stay with me by living in my memories every day, every moment for the entire thirty one years I'd been on this earth. I've been killing myself in slow motion for as long as I can remember.

The time was now. The future was happening at this very moment, and I was wasting it and myself, wasting the love of the people around me. They deserved better… and damn it… I did too.

I need to start living. 

Right now. 

Smurph's Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Notes: Next chapter, guy's night! I think Emily and Honey will get along just fine. :) How do you think guy's night will go?

Taglist:

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[philodendronforming]

Cordyline fruticosa

The Cordyline fruticosa plants are most beautiful eye-catching evergreen perennial plants with broad leaves. Plant foliage varies in different colors such as red, pink, yellow, white & other streaks.

Good Luck plant

These cordyline fruticosa plants are commonly called Hawaiian ti plant, good luck plant, ti plant, palm lily, cabbage palm, and miracle plant belonging to Asparagaceae. This plant is often believed to bring good luck to the home.

Hawaiian ti plant

This cordyline plant variety prized & beloved especially for its colorful, long-lasting foliage with attractive stripes. The name Hawaiian ti plant name due to the reason that this croton plant believed to bring positiveness, creation, and blessing during those times in Hawaiian culture.

Benefits

The placement of ti -plant croton plant is believed to bring good luck, peace and positivity to home.

Cordyline Ti plants are pests & diseases resistant plants.

The most beautiful feature of this plant is the colorful foliage & air-purifier.