#cmbyn book

[yesimtrashforit]

I finished reading Call Me By Your Name.

[falltikko]

[alltheoutcasts]

Finished reading cmbyn, I’m super excited for find me!!

[alwaysmidnight99]

So many years later and I still think about Elio

[cherriepepsie]

「 ⁂ 𝐌𝐚𝐲𝐚 𝐇𝐚𝐰𝐤𝐞 ⁂ 」

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐢 𝐛𝐨𝐭

𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: I am rather proud of this one! Cmbyn has always held a special place in my heart, if you haven't read the book I cannot urge you enough to do so. Truly a masterpiece. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this one! Ps, is it better to speak or to die?

𝐌𝐚𝐲𝐚♡︎

𝟏𝟗𝟖𝟑, 𝐫𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐧 𝐈𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐲.

𝐀𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐮𝐩 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐰 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦, 𝐒𝐮𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐚𝐫 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐰𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐚𝐰 𝐢𝐧 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐠𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐝-𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐮, 𝐧𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐧𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐰𝐧.

𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐲, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐬

𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐮𝐝𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐞; 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝, 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐧𝐨 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞; 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐚 𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐧 𝐮𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤, 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬. 𝐈𝐧 𝐚 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐟𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐬𝐧𝐚𝐩 𝐮𝐩, 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐫.

𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐜 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞; 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐮𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐞 𝐠𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞; 𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐫; 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐜𝐮𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬. 𝐇𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐭; 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮.

“𝐌𝐚𝐲𝐚 𝐡𝐚𝐰𝐤𝐞.”

𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐧𝐚𝐦����; 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬.

☙☙☙☙☙☙☙☙☙☙☙☙☙☙☙☙☙☙☙☙☙

[bluebelly345]

Elio: I could figure out Oliver's mood based on the colour of the swimsuit he was wearing

(a few pages lager)

Elio: Actually, there was no correlation between Oliver's mood and the colour of his swimsuit

[to-the-cave]

just finished cmbyn. it's time to start rwrb!!

[lunarbuck]

I read call me by your name today…. Wow

Even though at times I struggled with understanding Elio and his voice, the book absolutely killed me 😭

Here’s one of my favorite quotes, though I have so many!!

“Please, don’t hurt me, which meant, Hurt me all you want.”

[ainisss]

later!

[arachidenitida]

cmbyn’s book is draining my soul

[yesimtrashforit]

my very emotional rant after reading the Call Me By Your Name book then watching the film

I watched the film just hours after finishing the book.

I'm not even kidding. I've never ever been impacted by a piece of media in this way before. Good god. This story feels like an endless sea of life and love and loss and themes to explore.

At first, my mind instantly only saw and attempted to be angry at the fact that this is called a love story when it's about two young men with an egregious age difference. And I do feel disgusted by that. This movie/novel is not a love story. However, it's about how we humans can give so much of ourselves to someone and it can either be the best or worst decision of your life. This is a story about two people finding each other and figuring out how they are so similar that they might as well be the same person, but everything else is a reason not to be with them, look at them, or even think of them. When you find someone who finishes your sentences and knows you inside and out, but it isn't necessarily love in the traditional sense. It's a love through the form of connection. There are some people who come along and just permanently change you and it's painful and hard and may be wrong and it is absolutely devastating in every sense of the word. They change you so much that you only think of life as before you met them and after. Sometimes you wish things were different and you wish it wasn't wrong or you wish you never met them or you wish they hadn't left. They change you so much that it feels like your soul splits in two and those two pieces are desperately trying to glue themselves back together. You become, in Taylor Swift's words, "addicted to the if only."

Would you be happier?

Would you hate yourself?

Would you wish you had never existed?

But you'll never know. And that's what is so frustrating. There is no way to say whether it was good or bad or character-building or meaningless because we just don't know! WE CAN NEVER KNOW FOR SURE.

Maybe it feels like this person has changed you, but really you're just young and naive and there will be an even more important lesson in the form of a different person.

I have too often felt the shame of caring about something or someone so deeply and wondering if this even matters that much because I have so much life left to live. Does this person even matter when I have so many people left to meet? So many left to love and care for?

This part from the book really stood out to me:

"I began to wonder what turn my life would have taken had someone else shown up instead. I wouldn't have gone to Rome. But I might have gone elsewhere. Wouldn't have known the first thing about San Clemente. But I might have discovered something else which I'd missed out on and might never know about. Wouldn't have changed, would never be who I am today, would have become someone else. I wonder now who that someone else is today. Is he happier? Couldn't I dip into his life for a few hours, a few days, and see for myself— not just to test if this other life is better, or to measure how our lives couldn't be further apart because of Oliver, but also to consider what I would say to this other me were I to pay him a short visit one day. Would I like him, would he like me, would either of us understand why the other became who he is, would either be surprised to learn that each of us had in fact run into an Oliver of one sort or another, man or woman, and that we were very possibly, regardless of who came to stay with us that summer, one and the same person still?"

This is not a love story. This is about how insanely beautiful, horrific, and tragic human connection is. The physical aspect is just a desperate ploy to express something that you can not say in words and only feel in your bones. It's not an act of love. It's an act of desperation and attempt to comfort the immense pain of finding yourself in someone else.

"Is it better to speak or to die?" is not a question of "ooh should i take my chance and let my crush notice me?"

NO. It is the weighty decision one has to make when confronted with the truth that you and this person fit together in the most terrifying, shameful, and dangerous way. When you feel so deeply, like Elio does, this could destroy you and it will destroy you, even if you speak. It could destroy you beautifully or stupidly and you don't get to decide which one. The fear of loss becomes learning to love the pain, just so you can avoid facing it.

Maybe Elio and Oliver were never really in love. Maybe they really were, but in a different way. But they were something. Something that may or may not have been love, brotherhood, or friendship. I think it's an entirely different thing. I honestly didn't even realize that those types of connections existed until I encountered this story. Maybe this type of connection is something that transcends age or gender or time. What I know is that for whatever reason, this story captures a kind of relationship that is something like I have never seen before in film or experienced in my life. Something that I have tried to put into words here, but I probably failed to do so. I've never even been in love. I really don't know why, but this story really got to me and dug up the deepest parts of my soul. I want to understand fully what this story is, but god, I feel like it would be too soon or it would kill me. I wish every piece of media hit me like this did. This story makes me realize how truly I want experience love, but not like this. I'm finally admitting to myself that I want to be in love and be loved. I want to be in love and be loved.

This is so tangible and beautiful and compelling and complex and yet, devastating and revolting and perverted. I thought to myself while watching that "I wish I could live in this film," but I caught myself, knowing I was getting caught up in the beauty and not in the reality.

I wish I could be older and more experienced to understand this story, but at the same time, I want to bury myself alive and never speak to anyone ever again. But then again, maybe this is all fleeting and I'm going to look back on this post and hate everything.

[alexzwebnotes]

░ ░ ░ ░ ░ ░ ░ ░ ░ ░ ░ ░ ░ ░ ░ ░ ░ ░ ░ ░ ░

Note: this is a poem I wrote from Elio’s point of view in book version of “Call Me By Your Name” of how he feels after spending the first night with Oliver.

DISCLAIMER: I do not ship them, this is just for purpose of Elio’s feelings into poetry

Word count: 88

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——————————𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬——————————

𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝙗𝙤𝙙𝙮

𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝙨𝙠𝙞𝙣

𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝙩𝙤𝙪𝙘𝙝

𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨

𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝙨𝙪𝙥𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙪𝙘𝙝

𝘖𝘩, 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘵

𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝙗𝙚𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙛𝙪𝙡, 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙤𝙭𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯.

𝘐’𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝙮𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝙨𝙤 𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜.

𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘶𝘵..

𝘕𝘰𝘸 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘮𝘰𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘴 𝙙𝙚𝙚𝙥 𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦.

𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘪𝘯, 𝘪𝘵𝘴 𝙍𝙤𝙪𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜 .

𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝙉𝙚𝙖𝙧 𝘮𝘦

𝙄𝙣𝙨𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝘮𝘦

𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘐 𝘢𝘮.

𝘈𝘴 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢𝘴 𝘐 𝙝𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝘪𝘵

𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝙞𝙩

𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝙮𝙤𝙪

𝙄 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙊𝙡𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙧.

[starleete]

“I didn’t want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that’s really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you’re so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.”

It's kind of a funny story by Ned Vizzini

[macher-mau]

„…and after making me want him more than I thought I could ever want another living soul, gently, softly, and, with the kindness (…) work his way into my body, gently and softly, after heeding the words I'd been rehearsing for days now, Please, don't hurt me, which meant, Hurt me all you want.“

~ André Aciman (cmbyn)

[booksaesthesic]

-call me by your name aesthetic-