#clueless murray

[cluelessthetvshow]

[ohmyshesintriguing]

Clueless (1995)

[piperslovebot]

Sexuality headcanons for clueless characters

Cher Horowitz: lesbian <3

Tai Fraiser: bi bi bi

Dionne Davenport: Biiiii

Murray Duvall: Heterosexual

Christian Stovitz: I’m pretty sure he’s canonically gay

Josh Lucas: Bi bi bi

[eu-nasciassim]

[bejeweledbaby]

I love the trope where Murray is preparing to use his Murray matchmaking skills on steddie but then it turns out they're already together and Murray is just shocked for the first time in his life but also impressed

[pezboisworld]

Oh, Dionne and Murray make it. They will be bickering and making up until the grave.

[emeryya]

Clueless (1995) dir. Amy Heckerling

[emily-mooon]

Nancy Wheeler pookie pie it’s time for me to redraw you as a shoujo manga protag

[artemismatchalatte]

I drew this wayyy earlier in this NaNoWriMo Season. Like November 3rd maybe?  

So one of my main complaints with Anne Bronte’s Agnes Grey is actually the portrayal of Rosalie and Matilda Murray (none of my followers/mutuals are probably surprised, I’m sure).

So Vicar Hatfield is hitting on 17 year old Rosalie...Yeah, gross. In 1847 when the novel came out, it was acceptable for full grown ass adult men to do that. So instead of maybe demonizing the child (or children in this case because 15 year old Matilda functions as Rosalie’s side kick in Agnes Grey) maybe we should reframe that story in its proper light? Cue Kesha’s “Dinosaur” on full blast. 

Yeah, Rosalie is a bit of a Victorian Regina George and Matilda is her rude horse-loving sister (read Victorian gender/sexuality code: a butch lesbian). Basically, they are both supposed to be examples Anne Bronte uses to tell little Victorian girls how not to be. Ouch.

The top panel is Anne Bronte’s versions of Matilda and Rosalie because they’re technically the second arc villains of her text as they are unpleasant to Agnes, the heroine, specifically and everyone else in general. 

And the bottom panel is closer to how they are in my NaNo project. I felt bad for both of them in the original book. At the end of the book, Rosalie is in a loveless marriage (not to Hatfield thank God) and the new governess (not Agnes) is trying to break Matilda’s spirit and force her to conform to the ideals of a straight Victorian Lady. :/

So I decided to answer the question of what happens next for Matilda (and other characters though she was my focal character for this project) with my NaNo project. I also explain why Rosalie and Matilda were horrible when Agnes knew them as well as many other things. The Markhams from The Tenant of Wildfell Hall will appear briefly in the story too as well of a boat load of fictional Victorian lesbians and gay men who befriend Matilda as she lives multiple lives across the second half of the 19th century. 

I basically reclaimed the Murray girls and rewrote their stories. Is that unhinged of me? Very possibly- especially since they aren’t supposed to be the heroines- but that’s what I’ve been working on this past month along side my grad studies.

[cluelessthetvshow]

[willowsnook]

Vodka,Hawaiian punch, tall

andrei iosivas x bsf!reader

it's always been you

-------------------------------------------------

Being best friends with an NFL player definitely had its perks, but getting to meet your favorite football stars? That was the real highlight. After the Bengals wrapped up their game against the Cardinals, you found yourself on the field, chatting with Andrei and Ja'Marr when you spotted Kyler Murray talking to Joe Burrow.

Your eyes lit up, and without a second thought, you looked up at Andrei with your best puppy-dog expression. "Please, please introduce me to Kyler Murray."

Andrei raised an eyebrow at you, clearly not impressed. "Why do you want to meet him so badly?" There was a hint of something—jealousy?—in his tone.

"He was the quarterback at OU when I was there! He’s my guy," you said as if that were the most obvious thing in the world. Ja'Marr, sensing the tension, smirked at Andrei, clearly enjoying the moment.

"I’ll take you over, Y/N," Ja'Marr offered, his voice teasing. Andrei immediately shot him a glare.

"No, I’ll do it," Andrei grumbled. "Come on."

You barely had time to register the shift in his mood as he led you across the field. When you reached Joe and Kyler, Andrei greeted Kyler with a casual handshake before introducing you. Kyler gave you a wide, charming grin, and your heart skipped a beat as you practically swooned. Andrei’s jaw clenched in response.

"It’s so great to meet you!" you said eagerly, almost too excited. "I was at OU the same time as you. You’re a legend!"

Kyler grinned, clearly flattered. "That’s awesome! Did you make it to a lot of games?"

"Every one," you gushed, your smile widening. "You’re a superstar." You could have sworn Kyler blushed a little, but you didn’t notice the way Andrei’s expression darkened. You got your picture with Kyler, quickly posting it to your socials with a cheeky caption about meeting one of your favorite players.

Later, after discussing post-game plans, you headed back to your place to change. Your roommate, Sarah, was waiting for you in the living room when you finished getting ready.

"Going to seal the deal with Andrei tonight?" she teased as she grabbed her purse.

"I wish," you grumbled. It was no secret to any of your friends that you had a crush on him but he was completely clueless. It seemed like nothing you did clicked with him and you were too much of a pussy to tell him straight up but you wore his jersey each week for fuck's sake.

When you arrived at the bar, Andrei was already there, sitting quietly and fidgeting with his straw, his usual playful energy noticeably absent. You slid into the booth next to him, nudging his arm lightly.

"You okay?" you asked, noticing his distant expression.

He nodded, not looking at you, still silent. As the night went on, more teammates joined, and the bar grew louder, but Andrei stayed unusually quiet, barely engaging with anyone.

Finally, you’d had enough. Grabbing his arm, you pulled him away from the group, dragging him out onto the bar’s patio.

"Alright, what’s going on?" you asked, crossing your arms, eyes locked on him.

"Nothing," he muttered, looking away.

"You’ve been acting weird all night," you pressed. "What’s up?"

He hesitated for a moment before finally blurting out, "The picture of you and Kyler... it was nice. I can get you his number if you want."

You smirked, finally catching on. "Why would I want his number?"

Andrei crossed his arms defensively. "I don’t know, you seemed into him."

"Nah," you teased, a playful glint in your eye. "I’m into someone else."

Andrei’s jaw tightened, and he sighed heavily. "Oh. Well... okay," he mumbled, looking dejected. "I’ll leave you to it then."

As he turned to walk back inside, you grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks. "Andrei, stop."

He looked down at you, confused, and you took a deep breath, your heart racing. "It’s you, dummy," you said softly, a small smile tugging at your lips. "It’s always been you."

His eyes widened, and for a moment, he just stared at you, the weight of your words slowly sinking in. "Really?" he finally asked, his voice soft, filled with disbelief.

You nodded, biting your bottom lip nervously. "Yeah, really."

Andrei let out a slow breath, his entire demeanor shifting. His expression softened, the tension in his jaw fading as a smile spread across his face. He took a step closer to you, his hand hesitantly brushing against yours. "You’ve got no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear that."

You blinked, surprised. "What do you mean?"

He chuckled softly, running a hand through his hair. "I thought it was obvious. The way I’ve been around you, always wanting to be near you… I was too scared to mess up what we have. I didn’t want to lose you."

Your heart raced as the realization hit you. The late-night conversations, the way his gaze lingered on you a little too long, the subtle touches—it all made sense now. You laughed lightly, shaking your head. "We’ve both been so stupid."

Andrei grinned, the tension between you two dissolving as he stepped even closer, his hand now fully holding yours. "Guess we have."

For a moment, the world around you seemed to disappear. The sounds of the bar, the noise of people talking and laughing inside, faded into the background as Andrei reached up and gently cupped your face, his thumb brushing your cheek. "I don’t want to waste any more time," he whispered, his gaze locking with yours.

Your heart fluttered at his words, and without hesitation, you leaned into him, your lips meeting his in a soft, tender kiss.

When you finally pulled back, both of you were breathless but smiling. Andrei rested his forehead against yours, still holding you close.

And as you stood there, wrapped in his embrace, you knew that nothing would ever be the same between you two—but it was a good thing. Because for the first time, you both understood what had been right in front of you all along.

[carigm]

A BREAKDOWN OF THE POTENTIAL S5 EPISODE TITLES!!

Okay, so today entertainment journalist Jeff Sneider shared some alleged insider info about S5 of ST, mainly directors and titles of the first 6 episodes.

Here’s a screenshot

It’s important to keep in mind that this guy isn’t always the most reliable, and considering he also said he believes S5 could come out before the end of this year, let’s not take any of this too seriously. (Many cast members have mentioned they’re filming until December of this year so that’s literally impossible). The information about the possible directors I believe is correct, because it’s been circulating around from other sources too.

The episode titles I’m less convinced about because it’s also possible the Duffers could’ve put out fake episode titles in case they leaked. I remember for S2 all the episodes titles they announced were changed later on lol. But for the sake of fun, here’s an analysis of all of them:

1. The crawl (only confirmed title) is a very broad, open title. It personally makes me think of the UD and vines, or maybe even the idea of Vecna crawling back to life. Could also be an allusion to the military.

2. The Vanishing of ___ Wheeler is arguably the most insane one. The journalist said he wasn’t revealing the actual name of the person because it’s a spoiler ofc. My gut tells me it’s gonna be Holly, mainly because of the recast and her supposedly being involved in the hospital plot, which we have guessed takes place in episode 2. Could explain why she’s suddenly “more important” this season, especially if she’s used as a plot device of sorts. Could also tie into what Ted’s actor said in a podcast back in February about the first episodes being a rollercoaster of emotions, and that comment he made about Ted having a soft spot for Holly. It would be a perfect tie in for Karen to find out about the UD as well. The implications of naming the episode the same as the first episode, which is so intrinsically tied to Will, is very interesting. It’s also a new connection/tie between the Byers/Wheelers that I assume will bring the families closer together. I don’t think it’s about Mike because I doubt he’ll go missing in ep.2, or be dragged to the UD just like Will was. It would be an interesting concept but I doubt it. I also don’t think Nancy’s gonna go missing. Karen could be interesting but I doubt it as well. Ted would be an incredibly funny choice. Imagine he just goes missing while at the house 😭 Nonetheless, I think Holly is the clear choice here, and I do very much worry for her if she goes missing. Mainly because while Will survived this, I’m not sure they’ll do the same for Holly :(

It also ties into Vecna’s threat to Nancy against her and her family.

Here’s an interesting leak from the same anon that leaked the hospital stuff (which seems to be correct)

I think this could be the very same scene Holly goes missing.

3. Turbow Trap 😭 This one is utter nonsense. I have no idea what a Turbow is, so I assume it’s gonna be a code or nickname for something. Absolutely clueless here.

4. Sorcerer is incredibly interesting, and imo a clear allusion to Will. His D&D character being a cleric, basically a wizard. Could also be a reference to Vecna imo. Or both 😉

5. Shock Jock is clearly tied to the radio station plotline. Imo the title could be a reference to Steve, Jonathan, or even Murray (he fits that eccentric, somewhat annoying personality quite well) In case you guys don’t know a shock jock is like a very eccentric radio host.

6. Escape from Camazotz is another crazy title. He’s a figure from Mayan mythology who’s a bat spirit. That immediately makes me think of Eddie, but also Steve ofc. However, camazotz has a larger meaning that goes beyond “bat spirit”, it’s also a representation of death and night. So the title seems to be alluding to someone escaping from death or a perilous situation.

Even more interesting perhaps is that kamazotz is a name of a planet in A Wrinkle Time. It’s the planet where IT resides, the mind controlling antagonist of the narrative. So I guess in this comparison Kamazotz is the UD, and IT is Henry.

[divinisable]

Mike isn't clueless, but calm down.

So I'd like to talk about the fact that Mike def isn't clueless but some of you are giving him a bit too much credit bc he also def doesn't have anything about his situation under control.

In s1 & 2 everything was mostly subconscious, being gay was wrong but it wasn't something he knew about himself. Mike just cared about his best friend a lot and none of what he felt was of questionable nature to him. And besides, he had El, she was a pretty girl and really nice to him, he cared about her a lot too.

And it wasn't until s3, when puberty came around, that Mike had to push down some confusing thoughts and feelings that we can see him projecting on Will during their fight. At the end of said season, he does come to a very very scary conclusion that he's now actively hiding in s4.

“We're friends. We're FRIENDS!” , Mike repeats ; as if Will needed the reminder more than he did, it isn't right to think about these kinds of things anyway. Atp he's fully admitted to himself that he's gay but isn't happy about it at all. Therefore, even if Will's feelings for him were presented to him on a silver platter, – which they were – he will still choose to ignore and deny them because 1. his tainted mind is obviously misreading the situation and 2. he can't do anything about it, because being gay is still not okay. Two wrongs don't make a right. And he knows what they do to people like him, especially in Hawkins. He can't afford to take that risk, he's already lost Will too many times to fuck everything up just bc he wanted to satisfy a stupid whim.

Imo he's going to need someone to open his eyes. He's too scared to do it on his own. Murray, Robin, Lucas, anyone. He'll eventually realize that being gay is okay and he CAN kiss Will on the mouth.🙏🏻💯

[tally-kiza]

Joker (2019) Smut Alphabet

A/N: Long overdue, by request, a smut alphabet specifically for Joker (+ Reader). He’s somewhat different from how Arthur used to be, but perhaps not as much as you may think. (I write this 10 months after my first smut alphabet for Arthur, so my interpretation for him has definitely changed. Apologies for any inconsistencies.)

Words: 3334

Warnings: Mentions of self-harm for R(isk) and T(oys).

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Joker is frankly clueless about aftercare. He’s not doting after sex, but he’ll light a cigarette and clean himself off. Even for his first few times, he’ll never seem clingy or particularly cuddly afterwards, but you can tell he’s emotionally affected by the way he holds you to his chest. While he puffs away, he’ll reverently caress you, your arms, back, hair, anywhere he can. Kisses are pressed to the crown of your head. Sweet pillow talk is domestic, schmaltzy. Joker never thought he would have anything like it. Black moods turn white, heavy heart turns light. A genuine loving smile lights up his face; gone are all cruel smirks and strained grins. 

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Firstly, he has no favorite part of himself. Despite the grandiosity in which he views himself and the way he craves adulation, Joker still doesn’t like himself. He views his body with a neutrality thickly blanketed with disdain. If pressed on it, he does like his hair. Once chocolate brown, now forest green, he’s always taken good care of it.

On his partner, how can he choose? Naturally, Joker is drawn to your smile. But he's addicted to your body,the softness of your skin, the way you feel in his arms. Admittedly though... his eyes do linger on your legs every time you walk away. His hands automatically find them during sex. Your calves are caressed, thighs are gripped, legs wrapped around his hips as he pistons into you.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Thick and grey-ish white. Arthur has never tasted it, never even thought to try. Joker got the urge for it, just once. In the shower, after getting home from the hospital, still exhilarated from the new sense of freedom he felt with Penny dead. He spills in his hand, and licks his fingers clean before sprinkling water from the showerhead can rinse it away. The taste was foul and made him recoil. He’s never tried it since. 

Joker loves seeing you covered in his cum though. Thrill runs through him when his cum paints your chest or face white, or when he watches his cum leak out of your hole and down your thighs after making love.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He’s stolen your underwear before. Remorse is unknown to him; if you discover it, he’ll only giggle and give you a teasing smile. It was easy, a quick swipe from your drawers when you were in the other room. When he’s all alone and you’re not around to pleasure him like he craves, Joker will touch himself to it. His left hand wraps around his cock, stroking and rubbing in a way so unlike your gentle touch. It makes him miss you all the more. While his right hand holds your underwear so tenderly. Thumb stroking the fabric, he pictures you wearing it. Wearing it for him. Thoughts of fucking you while you wear it fill his head, and his jerking fist becomes more frantic. When he finishes, he’s careful not to let his come get on it.

He keeps it stuffed in his suit pocket, treasured, bringing him selfish comfort. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Of course, Arthur is a virgin. He’s never even kissed anyone, before Dr. Sally. She was the one who taught him anything relevant he knew about sex. Before he became Joker, Arthur would sometimes watch her segments on Live! With Murray Franklin. Every time she was on, he was engrossed. No one else had ever talked about sex with such openness and professionality. It intrigued him, left him burning with questions and not enough answers. It wasn’t often that Arthur was able to listen to Dr. Sally’s radio show; it was on during the day and humiliation would swallow him up if Penny ever noticed what he was listening to. But while she napped on the odd day Arthur was home from work, he listened. He never took notes―it wasn’t like he had anyone to take notes for. But his burning curiosity compelled him.

She spoke of many things and though he listened, there was still so much Arthur didn’t understand. 

Until you.

Everything he had heard Dr. Sally discuss, Joker remembered. Despite having no experience, he tried. He didn’t feel as much like a teenager fumbling around in the dark with you for the first time―eagerness spurred him, confidence filled him. Of course, as a virgin, he fumbles. Squeezes his lover’s breast too hard, forgets to pay attention to the clit, and of course, comes early. With every slip-up, his ego and bravado slip away. Just an adoring, hungry man left in its place.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Anything intimate will have a special place in his heart. Making love while spooning, missionary with his cock kissing your deepest places. He’s still a romantic deep down. But it’s also very common for Joker to werewolf and go wild. He’ll bend you over the back of the couch, pump into you pressed against a wall, fuck you on the kitchen countertops, the floor... the list goes on.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Definitely more serious. Before his revelation in identity, when he was only Arthur, on occasion he may have been a little playful during intimacy. A cute Carnival-esque joke would bring a smile to your face, making Arthur’s affections and tenderness soar. But as Joker of course, his tender heart falls away. During sex, he stares at you like he’s dissecting you, like he wants to eat you alive. He’ll smile but there’s nothing goofy about it. It’s ravenous. But rarely, he’ll whisper a naughty joke in your ear―Joker will always crave your grin and giggles. 

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Shaving or trimming his pubic hair is not a thought that has ever entered Arthur’s mind. His wiry patch of curls is thick and wild. ...And quite green. Dyeing his hair in the bathroom, a joyless grin pulled at him as he had massaged dye into his patch below. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He’s always been a romantic at heart. Nothing can change that. Joker may get a little rough, but he craves intimacy and tenderness, a smoldering romance like the ones from his favorite films. Perhaps you won’t find him lighting candles and spreading rose petals, but his romance shows in other ways. It’s in the way he presses you to his chest in a tender embrace. In the way he kisses you with his entire body. In the way his cruel mask falls away from your kisses to reveal the sad, lonely man underneath, waiting for love and care. Love he finds in your arms. The strength of how he cherishes you is evident in your every moment of making love.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

With a lover, Joker would not masturbate very much at all. Without his medications diminishing his libido, he gets aroused more easily than he used to. But when arousal stirs in his groin, he doesn’t wait till he’s in the shower to stroke his girthy cock to completion, as he used to. He turns to you instead. The thought of his own hand wrapped around his member disinterests him; of your walls, tight and hot and wet, excites. He would strongly prefer to make love to you instead of masturbating. Of course, if you’re not around, he’ll have no choice. But he won’t hesitate to slip his left hand into his pants and palm his cock. Filthy fantasies quickly fill his mind. He has a hundred of them, and more. Lascivious thoughts of being worshiped by you and your tongue. Your mouth adoring his member, your gentle fingers revering his testicles, your lips whispering devotion into his ears. He finishes dreaming of the two of you coming together, with a smile on his face. Dissatisfaction sets in quickly, without you by his side to join his pleasure. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Naturally, he has a huge praise kink. Whether its gentle words whispered into his ears, telling him how well he’s fucking you, or desperate pleads to come spurring him on, or even just moaning his name, it feeds his soul as well as his arousal. Joker, Arthur, has been starved for affection his whole life. He craves any and all affection during intimacy, no matter how rough the pace is. It will bring him ever closer to the edge of finishing. And leave him curling around you tighter at the end of the night when it’s time for bed. 

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Joker is not as vanilla as he used to be. Arthur was most comfortable in the bedroom, though when passion inflamed, he would occasionally take you anywhere in the apartment. His desperation to be inside you was too great. But never in public would he make love to you. Joker is not much different. He’ll fuck you on any surface of your shared home, though his inhibitions for public sex are lowered. Bold caresses in a crowded subway car, risky intimate touches in plain view of security cameras at Arkham. But Joker will never fully make love to you in these public spots. Your body is a precious sight for his eyes, and his only. 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Stroking his ego arouses him as much as stroking his cock. Paying personal attention to him, giving him sweet affection and compliments can easily make him hungry for more. Especially when you laugh at his jokes. It’s the highest compliment, the most tender praise. The melody of your laughter makes his heart flutter and may rouse his erection.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything to do with calling him daddy in bed. It’s 1981; that trend isn’t exactly a popular thing yet. It bewilders and of course, upsets him, because of his history. 

Joker could never tolerate degradation or humiliation in the bedroom, either. More than anything, he hates rudeness, and this does not change with a partner. It would be taken as a betrayal, if anything. You’re Joker’s perfect person. He adores you. Being called something hurtful would instantly upset him and send him right back to feeling like Arthur again: small and weak, laughing uncomfortably through internal agony. He would lash out, and it won’t be the easiest to reconcile with him.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Joker is addicted to the sensation of your lips wrapped around his cock. It makes him feel powerful, worshiped, in control for once. He stares down at you while he holds your head and guides you deeper on his length. When his expression isn’t stony, his smile is intoxicated, eyes red with emotion. There’s no greater thrill for him.

Performing oral on his partner makes him almost as drunk on power and control. Joker is very much a novice, of course. The first few times he tries to eat you out, he can’t make you finish. It confuses him and makes him feel inadequate. As a result, he avoids it for a time. He’s a little pouty when you try to guide him and show him exactly how you like him to lick you. But quickly, Joker discovers how responsive you can truly be. Your moans, whimpers, and whines become the sweet music that lives in his soul. And knowing that only he can make you feel like this, only he can taste you this way feeds his ego in the best way.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Joker is just as likely to rut into you, with quick snapping hips, as he is to lay you down in bed and make love to you with his entire body. Perhaps sensual lovemaking even moreso. At heart, he’s still just Arthur. All he’s ever yearned for is his one and only, his soulmate. He may be Joker but he would still love you tenderly. His favorite intimate nights with you are the romantic ones, the ones that start with a moonlit date before you retire to the bedroom. Clothes are removed leisurely, hands pleasure each other, moans sighed into each others’ mouths as he finishes inside you.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Oh, he is not averse to a 5-minute thrill. When he’s in a rush, it excites him. Though he cherishes the intimacy of a romantic night of making love, Joker has the sharpest gleam in his green eyes when he’s in the mood for a quickie. He eyes you like you’re his last meal. He’ll pull his cock just out of his trousers, push aside your underwear, and fuck into you until you’re feeling sore and used. He cums quickly every time, buzzing from the dirtiness of a quickie, before getting on his knees to finish you with his tongue or sturdy fingers. Afterwards, Joker waltzes away with a spring in his step and the naughtiest smile, every time.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Assuming risk here means doing inherently dangerous sexual acts, along the lines of asphyxiation or playing with weapons, then... Yes and no. When he takes risks, it is when he’s alone and trying to just get off. When he’s in the right (rather, wrong) mindset, hurting himself brings sexual gratification. But he would never do anything risky, painful, or dangerous with you. The thought of accidentally hurting you is one that he suppresses deeply; if he did something to hurt the only good thing in the world, the only good thing to ever happen to him, he would... well. You can use your imagination. :(

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He’s not a young man anymore! He may be Joker, and his lack of medications may increase his libido, but he can’t come multiple times. His refractory period lasts at least a couple hours, if not a day.

Many times, Joker may come prematurely and end your intimacy early with his sour or blue mood. You’re his first, so the first few times, he did come before you. (It’s a sore point for him, his novice. Dr. Sally’s radio show can only help so much.) But once he becomes more experienced with you, it’s easier to maintain his stamina. When he gets too close, his fingers will work your most pleasurable spots to make you come before he spills inside you. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

None by any traditional measures. But Joker’s .38 pistol is a prop that excites him. Never fully unloaded, its inherent danger never fails to make his cock harden. He’ll press the barrel against his skin and run it over his body, achingly slowly. Dragging a trail from his temple, down his neck, over his hollow stomach. By the time it's rubbing along his cock, Joker is fully erect. And craving more. He will ache to shoot it into some harmless space in the room, solely for the heat that would emanate from it. The heat had warmed his perpetually cold hands when he had killed those men on the subway, though he didn’t notice until later. That warmth pressed against his most sensitive place would thrill him. Joker craves it.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He stumbles into teasing unintentionally. Trying to prolong your encounter, he’ll hold off on making you come. His fingers slipping away from your clit when you get loud and fervent, jittering hips slowing down to restrained grinding when he himself can’t hold back. Joker doesn’t realize the effect it has on you. At first. The mischievous smile on his face when he realizes you like being teased could excite stone. 

Quickly, he starts experimenting. He sees how far he can push you, the kind of noises you’ll make if he keeps you from coming once, twice, thrice. If he whispers taunts or sinful things in your ears until you whine. If he ignores your begging for his touch until he himself breaks and makes love to you for an hour. It makes him feel powerful, holding your orgasm entirely in his control. He feeds on it, and it compels him to do it more. Whether the electricity inside him is from his own arousal or lovingly torturing you, who knows. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Having spent his entire life living with his mother, in an apartment with paper-thin walls, he learned early on how to keep quiet. As Joker, he’s still innately quiet during sex. But when he gets close, or particularly passionate, he’ll lose control. Heavy breathing becomes impassioned moans; grunts become gasps in pleasure; growls are huffed into your neck as he presses himself as close against you as he physically can. 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Maybe not a sexy headcanon, but being too affectionate with Arthur, sexually or just romantically, will frustrate him and could send him into a black mood. Not because of your love―he craves it―but because he doesn’t understand. This is something that transcends either of his identities. 

He doesn’t understand what you see in a fuck-up like him. 

He doesn’t understand why you seem to love him so much. 

He doesn’t understand why he couldn’t have met you before his life went completely to shit.

 He doesn’t understand why he just can’t fucking appreciate the only good thing to ever happen to him.

It confuses him. These feelings might come out in a fight, or through gritted teeth during pillow talk after a heated encounter. It’s times like these he wishes he still had a therapist. Joker never wants your sweet love to change; it’s just difficult navigating these new feelings.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

With handsome veins running along it, and a gentle curve upwards, Joker’s cock is only slightly longer than average. Mournfully, he has no foreskin; consequently sensation is dulled along his frenulum. His pleasant girth stretches your walls. Testes sag slightly, loose sensitive skin stretching from the base of his cock. His left is larger than his right.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Sans medications, Joker can never keep his hands off you. When his mood is high, he’ll push you against the nearest hard surface for a passionate fuck as often as you’re willing. But when his manic bursts pass and he’s struggling with black moods again, his sex drive takes a nosedive. Though he doesn’t have that same passion and need to be inside you, Joker still makes love to you often. Not for his own craving, but for the comfort of your body, and the intimacy of proximity that brings him solace in the dead of lonely night. 

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He never falls asleep after sex, not even when he was still Arthur. Joker’s insomnia medication used to help somewhat, but he has no medications now. After sex, he’ll be buzzing like a livewire, full of energy and pride in his ability to get you off. It keeps him drunk on satisfaction. If it wasn’t for his refractory period, he would pull you on top of him again immediately after for another round. But as it is, Joker is content to hold you close while you wind down. Your soft conversation in the intimacy of the afterglow makes him feel almost normal. Not Joker, not Arthur, just yours.

[inspector-montoya-fox]

During our Sly 3 coverage on the podcast i had said that the main theme of A Cold Alliance is morality and, although i still stand by that, it wasn't until this summer's ice cream discourse that i noticed how this is presented: antithesis. Similarly to how the theme of gender is explored through appearance vs reality in Flight of Fancy, i think morality's portrayal is build upon the various antitheses and contrasts in this one. Let's discuss.

Immediately, the obvious centre piece for the theme is Sly & the Panda King. At surface level, you've got good vs evil, blue vs red, hero vs villain, pretty basic stuff. The odd pairing's juxtaposition is so striking that it forms the initial premise for the episode until we're introduced to Tsao, whose addition to the mix as a deeply rotten individual creates an entire moral spectrum on top of the standard "good vs evil" and positions Panda King right in the middle of it: Sly might not follow the law but he represents the "good"; Tsao's just a piece of shit like downright evil; Panda King is a villain but not necessarily "villainous". I love how SP included Panda King's mirror dilemma because it further paints this character as the true, ambiguous neutral between the two sides, especially with him mentioning the yin and the yang. In the antithesis between Sly and Tsao, the two are easily distinguishable because they're so far apart - hence Sly telling Tsao to his face that he's the worst guy he's ever faced - leaving Panda King to choose who to gravitate towards (i'm just realising that we could have easily been treated to Panda King reverting back to being a bastard and betraying the gang following the whole "hero and villain team up to take down more evil villain" storyline akin to Slade helping the Titans defeat Trigon). Here it's also worth mentioning that Carmelita's presence in this episode serves to match the moral extremism of Tsao, with her being the ultimate agent of "good" as opposed to his evil, but i'll get to her later.

Then, we have fire & ice. I mean yeah duh it doesn't take a genius to figure that one out. What i'm referring to here more specifically is how the weather and temperature are matched to the subplots at hand. This is something very briefly mentioned in Fire in the Sky, with Sly saying that the very sight of Carmelita warms his heart, and A Cold Alliance kinda builds on that. In the analogy of fire & ice, the Panda King finding his zen in his Master Pai Mei get-up is the serene and silent snow, tranquil and white, pure; whereas Tsao is the fire that seeks to destroy that, his hatred and cruelty being destructive, blazing. He's associated with the colour red & explosions: his rooster's "mohawk", the fire-breathing dragon he summons, the exploding vampires (Panda King is also associated with explosions because of his fireworks, but i'd argue it's slightly different because of the blue streaks they leave behind and are more like his form of expression as seen in his Sly 1 introductory cutscene). There's also Murray's heartbreak over the van being manifested as the literal block of ice it's stuck in. It's hard, unyielding and stubborn.

In a similar vein, we've got old & new. I'm going to keep this one brief but part of the reason why Tsao manages to outsmart the gang is because his whole appearance hinges on tradition, making him easy to underestimate. He resides within a palace in the Chinese countryside, he's a "warlock", he has conservative values. At the same time though, he's got his own personalised computer avi and keeps his treasure tucked under high-tech security. We've seen something similar with Jean Bison, who used Clockwerk parts to operate his trains and hid wifi in his boats, but that was kinda different because Bison was actually a clueless hick who wanted to sell his share of the parts to Arpeggio. Tsao on the other hand understands and utilises technology in mesh with his reverence for tradition.

Lastly, we've got the voyeuristic antithesis via Carmelita & Sly. I've recently covered how Sucker Punch's treatment of female characters, although not something to raise pitchforks over, is yeah pretty much designed solely through the lens of the male gaze. Carmelita's entire character is tethered to Sly's perception of her, and more generally how the main trio views her (i'd even go so far as to say this is on display during the operation's grapple-cam segment, where Bentley assumes this kind of like Big Brother role over her, which is later done with Penelope too btw... mama, the layers). In Battery of Peril however, the perspective is swapped with the Carmelita gameplay. And yeah, we've played as Carmelita before by this point, but here's the thing: this time it's all about stepping into Carmelita's shoes the way we've come to know her as for the past two games. Quintessential Carmelita is chasing Sly and now we're placed into that very role. Although the antithesis between law & crime is present throughout the series, here it's explored deeper to match the rest of the episode's interpretations of the theme.