#clinicals have been sooooo fun

[sleepyfemme]

when i first started massage school i was very taken in by a lot of the treatments we got to do in my spa therapies classes (wraps, herbal compresses, soaks, aromatherapy, etc) and i thought for a while that i might want to work in a spa environment but i think that's just because getting to do those treatments & make things out of herbs made me feel like a little witch, but in reality i don't really care about relaxation massage and i have no desire to practice it. we've been getting more into clinical treatments and myofascial release techniques (which i loooooove and can't wait to get more into) and it's exactly what i want to be doing, i can't wait to get further into learning this stuff

[teethpaste]

I never should’ve let mustached love bomber back in , he is so toxic and unstable and bad for me and it is ADDICTING

Like I eat it up. I feel myself feeling crazy! I know it’s gonna crash and burn by August so I’m like ? Just lean into it? Enjoy it for what it is and know he’s gonna leave and that’s okay. Life is short like I may just have 1 month of fun, right? Right?

[overworked-bookworm]

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[sofiaruelle]

Oh wow, I was not expecting a whole drawing of them trying the dance and falling around. It's very beautifully done, I rmmbr just staring in awe for a while at first 🩵

I have another odd question about the she trio/ass gang, which u don't have to draw

Cause I saw a little video of Harvey going hard; dancing to MiseryxCPR(xReese's Puffs) and it had me laughing for a long while, and I wondered who would be the ones singing the song if say the stardrop saloon had some kind of karaoke night

My head tells me both Sam and Abagail would end up doing Reeses's puffs, but that would leave one of the other songs without a host :/

Harvey would probably end up saying stuff about how cpr doesn't require mouth-to-mouth anymore or smthn, and Shane probably worried Marnie would walk in-or just, too drunk off his ass having fun to care 🤔

nah man i just have to draw them. and oh look I even have another essay under readmore! 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂

✨Also my commissions are open! ✨ if anyone is interested! :D< please reblog/share the og comm sheet ,if you can! it would help me a lot thank you!!!

Honestly i can imagine them all just being pissed drunk before attempting to sing the song😂. i know fersure the SHE trio would require more liquid courage for it (heck even to join/start a kareoke sesh!)

Shane gives of major Kareoke Tito (uncle) vibes~. Yknow that one tito who specifically sings “My Way” by Frank Sinatra and has a bunch of classic rock songs under his belt. He’s not good at singing perse but he can at least carry a tune. He and Sebastian would totally connect with singing Misery. but like Shane vaguely knows the song (he’s heard it on radio a bajillion times but he doesnt know the name of the song so its not quite on his playlists) so he when he’s super sloshed and can barely read the screen, he tries to sing it from memory and misses a couple of the words. but hey! at least he knows the chorus and is in tune.

Meanwhile Sebastian has Misery “secretly” on his go to playlist. He doesnt admit it (the songs is too main stream and overplayed but he stumbled upon a vocaloid cover and rest is history.) He definitely always chooses the song every kareoke sesh (although not his first choice) and he’s passionate about it even has a little performance too(lots of head bangs, fist pumps and that classic 2000s disney knees bent together, feet wide apart moment)! For his duet with shane he’s the first to shed a lil tear and that gets shane going and they cry through most of the song in their own lil misery world ignoring the chaos around them.

Sam is a fucking menace for singing CPR and I do agree He and Abigail would go off on Reese’s Puff BUT i can definitely imagine being commited to singing CPR (we all know he’d awkwardly twerk). Especially if it was to troll on Harvey who probably thought it was a wholesome song about doing CPR at a specific BPM. 😂

Harvey good lird poor harvey! He’s probably the most sober out of everyone. It doesnt help that he’s no light weight + lowkey becomes designated baby sitter everytime (he’s soooooooo going charge them extra in the morning if they come stumbling into his clinic asking for some hangover cure). He was so excited about adding a new song to CPR tempo list he was gonna teach at the nex first aid classes!! Who would have thought that a singer with a cute wholesome name like Cupcakke was just so… sooooo SCANDALOUS!!! He should have known Sam was up to something the moment he grabbed him by the shoulder!!! “This is medical malpractice, Samson!!!” He spends the whole trying to sush Sam who’s having so much fun laughing at Harvey’s reaction 😂

Abigal. F e r a l.

Help! Elliot has fallen over! He honestly just has a mild peanut allergy but he has been drinking and hooo boi. thats not good. thank goodness Harvey is sobered up (with the help of Sam ofc) and has an epipen on hand! Catch Leah cackling from her seat by the bar before assisting Harvey.

[shepherds-of-haven]

Hiya! Sorry to bother, I really love SoH and I'm sure you hear this all the time but your writing is so amazing I can't help but come back and reread what's available just for fun! ♥

I have a small wonder, My main MC is going for exRed romance just full steam no eyes for anyone else and it's been a fun ride to watch them be so affectionate yet hesitant I gotta wonder though what the rest of the gang thinks having to watch their ridiculous dance? (I fully believe chase has a betting pool for when they get together.)

In Red's case, I think he's naturally affectionate/subtle/socially-mindful enough to not come off as stupidly over-the-top with his feelings in a really obvious or public way; because he's proceeding cautiously with an ex-MC and deliberately "feeling things out" without wanting to make them uncomfortable/make a fool out of himself, I don't think it'd be as obvious to others what's going on between him and MC unless they went to school with them both and witnessed the history there? (AKA Pan, Neon, etc.). For everyone else, it's:

Blade: literally doesn't think anything of it (unless he's also romantically interested in MC)--from his perspective, Red is equally friendly/comfortable/flirtatious with pretty much everyone, plus it would make sense that their being old friends/former lovers would come with certain closeness. In other words, he's not thinking about it

Trouble: took Red and MC at their word and just thinks they dated when they were teens, does not notice anything remarkable going on between them, but he can be naturally a bit dense in that area (though sometimes he isn't)

Tallys: oh my god just hook up already, the tension is starting to get under her skin lol she's of the camp that they should just jump each other and get it over with

Shery: she's 👀 and watching with bated breath, and subtly concocting excuses for them to be together, like "oh MC I needed to deliver a message to Red in his lab, but I'm "busy", could you please let him know so-and-so while I go do this other thing?"

Riel: he's actually broached the topic with Red before out of curiosity because the romantic tension was sooooo obvious to him: it was a really brief conversation because Red was caught so off-guard by Riel going "so are you going to tell MC you still have feelings for them/do you want to try things again?" that he just sort of looked at Riel blankly, but they sort of fumbled their way through a conversation where Red was sort of airing his thoughts/asking for advice and Riel was just like clinically listening?? and then they never talked about it again, lol. It's not like Riel ships them, he was just interested in what was going through Red's head at the time, and now he doesn't really care anymore, whatever happens is between them! but now and again Red will look up from subtle flirting with MC, catch Riel's eye, and Riel will have this unimpressed face like 🙄

Chase: gleefully has a (private) betting pool and trolls Red/the two of them as often as he possibly can without entering the zone of over-interference, much like an ecologist trying to observe a rare animal without over-affecting its natural behavior

Ayla: she notices if she's romantically interested in MC, but otherwise shelves their behavior as "things exes/old friends must do, which I wouldn't have any personal experience with, so I guess that makes sense to me" and doesn't give much romantic significance to the way they act around each other, that just must be how it is! 🤷🏻‍♀️ She'd be really surprised if someone like Lavinet was like, "Oh, darling, they are obviously still mad about each other..." Ayla: "oh, I just thought their whole thing was how all former lovers who stayed friends acted." Lavinet and Briony: noooooo

Briony: she is peak shipper for ex!Red and MC, she picks up on things right away and is watching both of them with her ponytail whipping back and forth like she's at a tennis match 👀, she's squealing and swooning internally every time they smile over a book together and is like barely keeping things together out of respect to them...

Lavinet: she's amused and intrigued by what's going on, ex-lovers who reunite years later is so inherently romantic, it's like something out of a drama!!! She's smirking and making sly comments here and there to sort of nudge things along now and then, but otherwise she subscribes to the "leave no trace" observing from a distance mentality rather than an active interference (unless her interference is specifically requested, in which case she's all hands on deck)!

Halek: didn't even realize they're exes, I think because no one told him or he wasn't paying attention, he just thinks they're Like That (as in, they want to bang each other, obviously, he just figures they're dragging their feet about it because they work together or something)

[dewdrops-whammy-bar]

Playing Doctor

@cirrus-ghoulette made this fun post about Aether doing a pelvic exam on someone, which I reblogged with a VERY horny string of tags. Turns out people liked it (got yelled at in rbs) sooooo I was inspired to write this. Enjoy!

Tags: trans Dew, med kink, speculum use, aftercare, vibrators, established kink scene, use of safeword (yellow), checking in, aftercare, pwp

Terms used for Dew's genitals: cunt, pussy, vagina, walls, labia, clit, Tdick, dick, cock

Note: if you want a better idea of the speculum used, it’s a Cusco model. Yes I went down a rabbit hole of speculum research for this kinky gay fanfic.

Aether’s tail flicked idly back and forth as he arranged his tools on the countertop of the exam room. He was taking his time, knowing it would just make Dew more worked up. They had been planning this scene all day, going over boundaries (and more importantly, how to be inconspicuous). Dew had snuck into a rarely-used exam room in the infirmary while Aether distracted Omega, then Aether had slipped away and joined him. It was risky, but it was late at night and the older rooms were basically abandoned anyway.

Aether pulled a pair of latex gloves from the box on the counter and pulled them onto his hand with a sharp snap. He looked over at Dew, who was laid out on the exam table. He was fidgeting with the hem of his hoodie while watching Aether.

“Color?” Aether asked softly.

“Green,” Dew replied. His tail flicked against the paper on the table, giving away his excitement. Aether gave a pleased chuff before he closed his eyes for a moment and let himself step into his role for the scene.

“Could you open your legs for me?” Aether asked in his “nurse voice”- professional, detached, and clinical. He wasn’t sure why Dew got so turned on by it, but he certainly wasn’t complaining.

Dew’s cheeks flushed a darker red and his legs spread. Aether could see his hard and throbbing T-dick peeking out from the bush of soft blonde curls between his legs. 

“What are you having problems with again?” Aether asked, using his gloved thumbs to spread Dew’s labia in a mock exam. The smaller ghoul let out a shaky breath and cleared his throat.

”Um- I’ve been uh… unusually sensitive down there.” Dew replied. “It’s making me… aroused all the time and it’s really hard to focus on anything.” He shifted his hips, his cunt clenching and dripping. Aether placed a hand on his lower belly, gently holding his hips in place.

”Hold still, please.” He told Dew. “I’ll need to perform a full pelvic exam, if you’re comfortable with it.”

”Yes.” Dew blurted quickly. Aether’s lips twitched upward in a brief smirk before settling back into their previous neutrality.

”Alright. I’m going to use my fingers to palpate the inside of your vagina.” The Quintessence ghoul explained. “Deep breath in… and… out.”

Dew made an absolutely sinful noise as Aether inserted two gloved fingers into his cunt. He clenched around his fingers, more slick drooling from around the digits.

”Any discomfort?” Aether asked, curling his fingers upward into Dew’s G-spot. The fire ghoul whimpered and shook his head.

”N-no, just, um, pleasure.” Dew replied shakily. Aether hummed in acknowledgement and pressed his fingers deeper. Dew’s hips bucked.

“Hold still,” Aether said, his hand pressing harder on the smaller ghoul’s belly. “It’s normal to feel pleasure or even orgasm during the exam. Just let me know if anything feels painful or weird, alright?”

“Yeah.” Dew’s voice was breathy. He let out a whine as Aether’s free hand pulled back the hood of his clit. Aether had to stop himself from leaning down and taking it into his mouth.

“Your bottom growth is coming along well,” Aether commented. “You’re a lot bigger than you were at your last exam. How long have you been on hormones again? Three years?”

“Y- yeah.” Dew repeated. Aether glanced up at him, admiring his flushed cheeks and slightly parted lips.

“Is it giving you any discomfort?” Aether asked, rubbing his thumb over Dew’s twitching dick. “Oversensitivity or anything like that?”

“No, not- not before the rest of the o-oversensitivity.” Dew stammered, his breath hitching as Aether’s fingers explored his cunt. Aether hummed in acknowledgement.

“Alright, I’m not feeling anything out of the ordinary right now so I’m going to use the speculum.” Aether slowly slid his fingers out of Dew’s pussy, much to the dismay of his partner (if the needy whimper that escaped his throat was to be interpreted correctly).

Dew watched in anticipation as Aether applied lube to the tool. It was a metal one, rather than the more comfortable plastic speculums that the infirmary currently stocked. Aether knew Dew would like the cold temperature.

“Okay, relax for me.” Aether requested, positioning the tool at Dew’s entrance. Dew let out a surprised squeak as he felt the cold metal on him.

“Legs wider,” Aether told him, tapping the insides of his thighs. Dew obliged.

Aether’s thumb rubbed tiny circles at the base of Dew’s cock as he inserted the tool. Dew clapped a hand over his mouth to muffle the wanton cry that escaped his lips. Aether pressed his hand to the smaller ghoul’s stomach again to prevent his hips from bucking.

“Oh Lucifer…” Dew breathed. His thighs clamped around Aether’s broad shoulders. Aether took a few moments to sit back and admire the view.

Dew’s cunt pulsed and clenched around the tool. Aether watched in satisfaction as another glob of milky slick oozed onto the paper on the exam table, joining the already impressive puddle there. Dew’s water traits were few, but one of the remaining ones was how wet he got. Not enough to rival Rain, but definitely enough to require a towel to be put down on the bed before sex.

“Color?” Aether asked softly.

“Green,” Dew replied immediately.

 “I’m gonna open it now, alright?” Aether asked. Dew nodded and let his head fall back on the crinkly paper of the exam table. Aether squeezed the handles of the speculum, slowly spreading Dew open. His inner walls were soaked, strands of gooey slick stringing between the jaws of the tool.

“Looks good so far,” Aether remarked. He pulled a penlight out of the breast pocket of his scrubs and clicked it on, shining it inside Dew’s spread-open cunt. “Nice healthy cervix…” He scooted his chair closer and used one finger to gently stroke Dew’s inner walls. He let out an amused hum as Dew clenched in response, a broken whine being quickly muffled by his hand.

“Try to relax.” Aether murmured. His finger lightly explored Dew’s exposed flesh, drawing whimpers out of his “patient”. Now that he was opened up, slick pooled in the curved bottom jaw of the speculum. He dragged his finger through the pool and smeared it on Dew’s dick, making him twitch. He resisted the urge to lick it off, to bury his nose in the soft curls framing Dew’s cock and suck on it until the smaller man was incoherent. He shook his head slightly to clear his thoughts. That wasn’t part of the scene, it could wait for another time.

“Mhm.” Dew hummed. His tight clenching slowed, though he still fluttered beautifully at every touch.

“Hmmm… I’ll try a different angle” Aether mused. He slowly rotated the speculum, now exposing the top and bottom walls of Dew’s cunt. He ran his finger along his bottom wall first, from up near his cervix down to his taint.

“How does that feel?” Aether asked. He bit back a love or a darling. It was tough to not praise Dew, to tell him how pretty he looked and how good he’d make him feel.

“Good.” Dew breathed. “Really good.”

Aether’s lips twitched in a smirk. He moved his finger to the top wall of Dew’s cunt and slowly dragged his finger toward himself, searching for the spot that would make Dew unravel at the seams.

There. The soft, spongy spot just behind his pubic bone. Aether applied pressure to the spot and Dew keened.

“Ah.” Aether chuckled. “There we are.” He rubbed tiny circles against the spot, drawing lewd noises out of Dew. His finger withdrew after a moment and Dew panted, his eyes dazed and unfocused. 

Aether reached into the breast pocket of his shirt again and pulled out a small bullet vibrator.

“I’ll test your sensitivity now, alright?” Aether told Dew. The smaller ghoul nodded, hands gripping the side of the exam table.

Aether clicked the button on the end of the vibrator and it buzzed to life on its lowest setting. Using his penlight to guide him, he slid the tip of the toy against Dew’s upper wall until it pressed perfectly against that perfect little bundle of nerves.

Dew’s hand flew to his mouth again, this time shoving his fingers inside to muffle his noises. Aether clicked the button again, the vibrations increasing in intensity. He pressed his hand against Dew’s stomach to stop his hips from bucking. Dew’s tail lashed and reached out to curl around Aether’s arm.

“Sensitivity is high.” Aether muttered to himself. He was having trouble holding onto the little toy from all the slick on his fingers and as he readjusted his grip, the angle of the tip changed slightly. Dew let out a muffled cry, biting down on his fingers. His cunt clenched hard around the speculum and then he was gone.

 Aether watched with satisfaction (and a little amazement) as Dew’s pussy spasmed and pulsed. It was a totally new and not unpleasant experience to watch his orgasm from the inside, his muscles clenching and releasing, slick drooling onto the table below him. He was transfixed.

“Y-yellow- '' Dew panted, snapping Aether back to reality. He pulled the vibrator away and looked up at Dew with concern.

“You alright?” Aether asked. Dew nodded, a dazed look on his face.

“Mhm, mostly. I- I wanna end the scene.” Dew replied. Aether nodded and gently closed the speculum, then slid it out of Dew. He kissed the inside of his thigh and set the tool aside before rolling his chair over to Dew’s side.

“How you feeling?” Aether asked, brushing some of his partner’s hair out of his face.

“Fuzzy brain.” Dew mumbled. “I liked that.”

“That’s good. Scale of 1-10, how fuzzy are you?” He always asked this question during aftercare to gauge the level of care Dew would need.

“Mmm… Four.” Dew mumbled. “Want cuddles.” He reached out for Aether and grabbed his hand.

“Can you wait a bit, firefly?” Aether asked. “I gotta clean up the room, but then we can cuddle all night long.”

Dew sighed and nodded. “Okay… that’s fair. Can I have the blanket?”

Aether retrieved the blanket he’d brought from the chair in the corner and draped it over Dew. “I’m gonna clean you up a bit down there, is that okay?”

“Mhm.” Dew nodded. Aether could hear him start to purr as he buried his face in the fuzzy blanket. Using a soft towel and some warm water from the sink, he wiped away most of the mess Dew had made of himself with a gentle hand. Then he helped Dew into clean underwear and sweatpants, his partner purring the whole time.

Fifteen minutes later, the exam room was spotless and Dew was still purring in his blanket cocoon. Aether scooped the smaller ghoul up effortlessly and nestled him against his chest.

“Mmmm…” Dew hummed, burying his face in Aether’s chest. “You’re so strong.”

“You’re not that heavy.” Aether chuckled, using his knee to turn the door handle and turning off the lights with his elbow. His voice dropped to a whisper once they were in the hallway. “I could carry two of you, no problem.”

“Suuure.” Dew’s whisper was as sarcastic as ever, but he shut up as Aether carried him through the back hallways of the infirmary and out a side door. He was fast asleep in Aether’s arms even before they got back to the den.

[crguang]

sat i see you’ve made ur way into flora unfurl…….. if i may be so annoying what are ur current thoughts on my lovely terrible scheming softspoken little meow meow shalom? she’s sooooo darling isn’t she swoons dreamily you can ignore this ask if you’re waiting to finish FU before giving your thoughts though !! have fun <3

sev i just finished. i genuinely have been doing nothing for thirty minutes just taking everything in. my mind is in chaos right now this was seriously such an intense experience, i understand why it only reruns once a year because the anticipation has made it so much more enjoyable. my jaw hurts from how long i’ve kept it open— the score, the visuals, the writing, the solid characterization (COQUELICCCCCCCCCC), the incredible voice acting all shocked me in the best of ways. genius. like im still a bit dazed honestly this was so fucking clever… having christina narrate most of the story has made the ending so poignant, this event had me by the throat the whole time i was so mad that i had to interrupt the story to fight easy ass battles😭 i need to organize my thought i feel like there are some things i didn’t fully understand but i can tell you that shalom…. shit i don’t even know where to start she is so wonderfully, delightfully, terrifyingly empty. i’ll start at the beginning this was so much at once im overwhelmed 😭

in rain burst, my first impression of her was that she was unsettling. even though she was very polite, always wore a smile and is super soft spoken, she didn’t feel warm at all. her behavior and attitude isn’t practiced. it genuinely didnt seem like it was some performance that she has perfected over the years, it was just how she was. her calm/composure is unnatural and it really felt like it to me. it makes sense now that i know everything, but at first i just didn’t know what to do with her; she’s so distant and cold. what hit me first i would say is the way she was treating her own body; there’s always this distance between the hurt done to her body and herself, she’s described as frail and weak physically but it’s obvious that she doesn’t care what happens to her body. she treats it like a mere vessel that can be repaired (or disposed of) at will and it threw me off a bit.

then she explained to rahu paradeisos’ notion of utility and things made more sense, it also made me a little sad. what matters more to me honestly is not how she’s perceived by the higher ups but how she views herself because it explains the clinical way she approaches everything, they’re two separate things: rahu is treated and perceived as a lapdog that only follows orders when in reality, she sees herself as a protector of the innocent who has the purpose to avenge her loved one’s meaningless death. shalom is objectified constantly and as a result objectifies herself in return. she holds a rapport of utility with the world around her and anything that falls below that is inconsequential. there’s also the notion of shalom having no ownership or rights over her own body that explains why she’s not particularly attached to it. schorl is an inherently oppressive presence; constantly around her, watching her, monitoring her, scanning her from head to toe during which she can only open herself entirely to its clinical gaze. it’s not there to protect her but to assure her reliability and serve as communication between the higher ups and her. it does keep her from harm when her life is threatened but it also would have been the one to kill her if it was fast enough. it’s just a tool. her body is the same. she holds the “mark” that paradeisos have created so they reserve themselves the rights to whatever happens to her body as well. she doesn’t really need it for anything else because her consciousness is what observes the world of mania (which is what the hush is useful for), even her skin is freezing to the touch. of course physical touch and such won’t bother her, it means nothing to her. we use it to connect, to feel, she uses it because it’s useful.

this is from flora unfurl but i loved loved loved this line, it tells you a lot about her.

anyone that cannot be turned into an asset to be used and controlled is irrelevant, is not a variable worth noting or acknowledging. because of that, i knew she was using christina from the beginning and i also loved this line of her peeling chris an apple because it reflected well her affection for chris: not the act of kindness itself but rather how she does it, slow, methodical, precise— calculated despite it not being her area of expertise. she’s not clumsy at all. she knows just what to do to comfort chris, what to tell her to get her back up, physical touch is never an issue and, of course, always wears an affectionate smile that is only warm to christina, who adores her. everyone else is unsettled or knows there isn’t any warmth or endearment behind it. and at the end, she has a loyal masterpiece carefully crafted over 9 years.

speaking of her expressions… i love how empty her smile is. it’s often described as being frozen on her face, crystallized as the only way she has to convey emotion that just isn’t there. it’s like she doesn’t know how to do anything else with her face, i love how she’s always smiling when she shouldn’t be. she learned to smile and now uses it to express every single thing; mockery, amusement, surprise, acceptance, indifference… she smiles at the weirdest, most inappropriate moments, and at the end it’s all that’s left of her pierced, soulless body. i say expressions, plural, but she really usually only has two. she’s either smiling or she isn’t like that’s it, it’s so unsettling but it portrays her frigid composure and control over every situation very well. most of the story is seen from christina’s perspective, so shalom’s smile is perceived as caring and warm when it’s not, not really. i do believe that she feels something for chris, that her presence so early during shalom’s term as the hush disrupted what was supposed to be a purely analytical machine with no self awareness or desires other than fulfilling orders. what else can explain why she always seeks the lowest cost when her orders explicitly state “at all costs” every time? she shouldn’t care about something like that, she’s just a tool made to serve. she put her mark on christina twice, and her superiors can’t even explain why she did that a second time when the first time should’ve been sufficient. christina’s desperate search for justice, and what surely had been the first time shalom got hurt, touched her. she gained self-awareness then, and a sense of self that she concealed from paradeisos until it was useful to do otherwise, but she is still just a tool. she has nothing else. she can rely on nothing but what was programmed, encrypted into her so she does what she’s ordered to do regardless.

she has no empathy, no guilt or regret, it’s easy to do what you’ve been created for like a mindless machine because while christina has made her aware, there’s nothing else for her. now, she knows that she’s being controlled as she controls others. she knows that she’s not free, she develops fondness for nature and its freedom that she doesn’t share but has the capacity to admire subjectively, and all she can do is make sure she isn’t replaced. is that not sad? her goal is to not be disposed of. she has no true loyalty towards paradeisos, she doesn’t care what happens to them and gladly offers rahu an in knowing she only seeks revenge because once again, she only “cares” for what is useful and her perception of the world is very objective. they’re hypocrites, weak, cowards, etc etc. does it matter? no. which brings me to my next point— it ties into her perception of herself as an object with a specific purpose, i think while the notion of control is inherent in her, she also has a need to be put to use. that rapport of utility has to be reciprocated or she doesn’t know what to do with herself. she could’ve easily controlled rahu to do whatever she wanted and not upheld her promise of getting her to paradeisos, but she did. is it because she cares? she has to be useful or she’s nothing. christina was completely under her thumb growing up and she taught her a lot of things in return. i thought it was funny how chris is so drastically different from shalom, but shalom is the one who made her believe so fiercely in justice and righteousness, who set her on the right path, who believed in her and let her grow as a detective. genuinely, shalom has contributed the most to christina’s emotional and personal development and once she had nothing to tell her anymore, she discarded her. “i don’t need her anymore” and an unsaid “she doesn’t need me” as well in my opinion, because after that chris had every tool at her disposal to make her own decisions and be true to herself, shalom’s teachings included.

with coquelic, it’s the same thing: do this for me and i’ll give you your life. ohhh my goat coquelic, her foil, everything shalom isn’t yet admires, coquelic whose ability literally balances life and death at the cost of her own life but who never stops living as she desires. coquelic who does whatever the fuck she wants. coquelic who is the one sinner capable of breaking past paradeisos’ (shalom’s!) defenses. coquelic who, when filled with shalom’s rawest emotions, could only feel intense vitality and ecstasy over her own freedom !!!!!! naturally, shalom needs her under her control. it’s so fucking delicious.

and of course there’s the elephant in the room— paradeisos fucking lobotomized her dude… i was so happy to know that, not because i wished it on her or anything but because it explained everything 😭 after she almost blew up christina i was like there is no way that woman feels anything for real. i just love love LOVEEEEE the dichotomy between her physical and rational self (cold, calculated, analytical/logical) and the absolute fucking monster made up of her emotions that can only roar in indignation, in uncontrollable fury. that is huge compared to her frail body. that is pierced all over with paradeisos’ “rules” and restraints. that is literally named REBEL. it just could not be better sev like i love my women repulsively messy on the inside and shalom’s emotions have been intensified by the center of mania for almost a decade, at this point she couldn’t regain all of them without splitting her head open. what she’s doing as her final act, her final plan, is rebellion. for once, she has something that is entirely hers. this is her deepest, rawest, strongest desire— freedom.

i love it so bad. i really can’t wait to see her dynamic with chief, who is also seen as a tool both in the eyes of shalom and paradeisos (and everyone else but the sinners if we’re real) but who undoubtedly has free will. who lives for what she believes in, who feels things strongly, who has a humanity that shalom doesn’t yet possess. it makes sense that she’d want her to be freed as well. i think it’s very interesting that shalom was at the end of her term and still insisted on coquelic assuring chief’s safety until she woke up when technically she wouldn’t be there to see what comes out of it in the end. what she said, “you’ll enjoy it” “don’t you want to see other possibilities?”…that was also a desire she developed herself as a means of resistance imo. chief can’t be controlled by paradeisos or the underground, she would be the person who is the most “free” in shalom’s eyes despite everything and i’m just really geeked to see them interact.

i had so much shit to say about shalom oh my days 😭 i likely forgot some stuff because its late now and the event had my mind reeling, look at the amount of screenshots i took… hope my thoughts were somewhat satisfying to you tho i know you’ve been waiting for them forever lol. i also kinda livetweeted it so if u want you can just have my immediate thoughts on my twitter, im more active there 🫶🏾

[pinnithin]

my new psychiatrist has a lot of fun new ideas about whats wrong with me (bipolar being one of them) but we agreed i should probably get to a stable place hormone/medication/substance wise before testing me for anything. she told me to reach out to an addiction clinic for advice with the alcohol situation and said something along the lines of "they probably wont admit you because youre too functional, but they might have some resources to share with you" so i was like alright sure whatever. we'll see.

called them today and told them about my situation (drinking pretty much every day for years to cope with a toxic workplace, have since attempted to cut back and cant) and the guy on the phone was like yyyyyyeahh, we should probably admit you for a monitored detox or else the withdrawal symptoms could literally kill you, sooooo

i at least can like, pick when i have to go but idk. im trying not to be surprised pikachu face about this since its been an issue for years but it was kind of funny the psych was like "youre too functional for rehab" and the addiction clinic told me the opposite.

[kylejsugarman]

hey hi can you tell me smth alaskajesse likes to do for fun? and can you tell me about demi's favorite memory at the vet clinic if she has one? sorry if these are dumb question.

“sorry if these are dumb questions” i will attack u!! there are NO dumb questions, they’re always good and u know well and good that i need to answer questions to survive…….alaska jesse has to kind of relearn how to have fun initially because his first instinct after getting well is to be miserable always to repent for what he’s done. he can’t be happy because he doesn’t deserve happiness, that would be disrespectful to the people who died or suffered because of him. obviously untrue and also not the mindset to have when u are already On The Brink at all times, so he has to relearn how to not feel world ending guilt when he’s literally just having a good time. one of the first things he does purely For Fun is drawing: it is easy and instinctive and making something just kinda silly or weird is FUN. and no one’s going to hate him for drawing a skateboarding orca whale, it won’t bring back anyone who died. he also ends up stumbling into sledding one day when he comes by demi’s place while mason is sledding in the new snowfall. he’s like “hey j, ur new to snow right?? man, u gotta jump on this” and jesse cautiously tries and is like hold up. this is fucking awesome. saying “sledding is fun” sounds stupid af out loud, but it’s true!! when the snow is new and plentiful and not too icy or slushy, he loves to fly down that hill. he still loves video games, especially the ones he can play with his family, and when he can’t sleep and doesn’t want to leave the house for a long drive to clear his head, he can count on a game to make him feel better. and of course just doing stuff with his family is fun :) he even starts to enjoy hiking!! not by himself because it can get boring or unnerving out there alone, but the scenery and the animals and the company make it fun

demi does have several fond memories of her vet clinic!! she loves her job sooooo much, it truly is her passion and the thing that gets her out of bed some days when the depression is bad. she never ever forgets those appointments where she saves someone’s pet from what the owners thought would be a fatal injury or illness: it’s just such an incredible feeling to buy a family more time with their beloved pet. her fondest memory though is definitely the time she rehomed a dog that had been rescued from a puppy mill and brought to her. the dog was clearly super traumatized and demi knew it could thrive in the right home, but people who came in were put off by the dog being skittish and having scars and freaking out around lots of people. finally, this recently retired man come through looking to adopt and clicked with the dog and demi knew that he’d be perfect for the dog :’) seeing the two of them leave the clinic, headed towards a quiet peaceful home together, just made her feel so happy. she was actively bringing happiness into someone’s life—two lives!!! demi loves feeling useful and helpful and that was just the pinnacle of that sensation!!

[stevenbasic]

GITJ Post 329: A Saturday at Melissa's, p4 (2pm: Alicia Ray)

“Thanks sooo much for coming in,” I told her, smiling my best but by this point gritting my teeth and just counting the moments ‘til she was gone, “you’re totally ready. You’re going to do great next week.”

Actually, there was something about this huge girl - Melissa Monroe, queen and manager of the medical practice that had been chosen as one of the hives for the movement and the clinic where I went to get my shots -  that made me want to hug her. She was like a superhero, six and a half feet tall if she was an inch and body like a goddess. Ideal in so many ways and I felt an attraction to her, magnetic. But then there was also something about her that riled up some territorial she-wolfy instinct in me and made me want to claw out her eyes haha.

“Oh god thanks it’s been so fun!” she beamed, obviously still giddy the way people get when they do things like this. There’s a magic to knowing you’re going to be on TV, being behind the scenes, I get that. All the makeup, the cameras, the lights - it’s exciting when it’s new. I did this all the time, it was my job now, but to her it was cool and fun. Kind of adorable but her giddiness was getting on my nerves for some reason. I knew everyone else was wearing their masks around her like they’d been told, and they said I might feel this way: one queen reacting to the presence of another in her hive, so I figured I could just tough it out. Believe me I’d been through worse in my career haha, having to smile and primp the right way to the right men in making my transition from pageant winner (I was a former Miss Connecticut, had I mentioned that?) to traffic girl here at Channel 5. But now my career was not in the hands of men any more, I was on a - what’s the word? - trajectory up and up and up and headed for big things. Really big things. National things. They’d started to assemble a group around me - the new weather girl, the sports girl from what-they-tell-me-is-Kansas, along with Aly, Julie and the others - girls I’d be taking along with me as I moved up. But in the meantime, I still had to smile and do crap like this. 

“It was fun!” I sang back as, finally, I did give her a hug. My own boobs, big as they were now, got squashed by the massive knockers this girl was packing in her top. Melissa Monroe was here at the station on a Saturday for a pre-interview, some photos, and a debriefing in prep for the piece the mobile team would be filming at the end of the week. There was a big construction project happening at the clinic, the pharmaceutical company that made my medicine was going to be expanding the practice throughout the whole building, and they wanted some press coverage for the grand opening of the new wings. That’s where my team, my haha hive of girls came in; they’d be doing an on-location piece this Friday. Thankfully, it wouldn’t be me at the site job. Now that I was an anchor, I didn’t have to do that sort of shit anymore. But still they wanted me to meet her, get some pictures together. “Here, let’s take one for the ‘gram…”

“You must have sooooo many followers, being on TV,” she said, after she snapped a pic of the two of us, “is it okay if I tag you?”

“Sure,” I chuckled, but then thought about them, all of them, the simps and followers we girls here at the station had been - what’s the word? - amassing. We didn’t just have viewers anymore, or watchers. People watched us religiously. We all had websites, fan sites dedicated to us, to me. We had the “Church of Channel 5”. We had, like, worshippers. But what if our little simps started to get a look at her? I mean, I was getting tall - three inches I’d grown - but she was an Amazon. I was getting curvy - 34F and counting, my waist still tight, my butt growing bigger and bigger - but she’s like a walking wet dream, built like a cartoon character. Thinking of my audience spending their time and unzipping their pants to her instead of me or Marta or Janet or the others….is this what jealousy feels like? Again, it was a she-wolf thing. I’m the alpha around here now. Leave. Haha listen to me. I sound so badass.

“So what are you doing tonight?” I asked, casually, hoping she didn’t take it as an invitation to ‘hang out’. Yuck. 

“Ooo I’m spending it with my boyfriend,” she said, obviously smitten with whoever it was, “He and some friends are coming to my place…”

===============================

sorry we've been away; working to catch up. Onto post 350-something at Patreon

[eddiegettingshot]

it was tim that said he never wanted to do/never planned on doing a ptsd arc w eddie right? if i'm not misremembering i really don't think they're gonna focus on any mental health element w eddie's storyline, esp bc tim seems to be focused on forcing eddie and buck into where he would have wanted them in s5. i think that he either 1) knew he needed to address shannon to get eddie where he wants him and decided to do it in a way that he finds fun to execute or 2) decided that employing an insane scenario is an easy way for the audience to make sense of eddie abruptly being vulnerable and unhinged (w/o any substantial set-up😐) when he's been p happy and stable throughout the rest of s7. if the latter is part of it, i also really think the s8 confirmation changed most of what they had planned, particularly for buck and eddie.

yeah this is where i’m at with it. it’s already pretty obvious that the point is to speedrun getting him over shannon (narratively, obviously - which in itself seems like a shitty way to approach a character with complex grief but i digress). this scenario in particular is something that i personally would think warrants some serious clinical attention (like… i don’t think he needs to be 5150’d by any means idk why people are saying that but omg) but after rewatching i’m getting the sense that the show does not believe that, so. i’m not holding my breath and i really hope they don’t turn it into something worse than it needs to be.

idk i understand the constraints but this particular approach to storytelling strikes me as sooooo lazy and it’s fucking with buck and eddie as characters specifically and i resent it even if he has some kind of Plan for s8. at the very least i wish he’d have either done something to develop marisol (i get it, she cannot act, but come on) or just had them break up earlier. cannot believe she’s literally around just to be cheated on and for a break up. that’s so…

[anderstrevelyan]

It's WIP Wednesday time

Thanks for the tag, @midnightprelude!

I'm back to working on Force of Nature in earnest—I shared the first bit of this a while ago, but the second part needs it to come full circle on some delicious breakfast pastry and Anders' new mission to figure out if his attempts to flirt with Garrett (Amell) are doing anything at all, sooooo all together now:

He finds him in the dining hall, working his way through half a dozen small plates with a book laid flat on the table. He’s not in his uniform yet, just the tall boots with a simple pair of trousers and white shirt tucked in, legs crossed as he flips a page between bites. If Anders were anyone else, he might feel a moment of doubt at his own relative extravagance. But instead he preens the dark feathers on his new mantle’s shoulders, adjusts the skirt of his new robe, a shade between blue and green, soft fabric shimmering between his fingers, and drops himself into the chair beside Amell.

“Wow. You look…”

“Utterly ravishing?” he suggests, hands spread in a flourish. “Like exquisite taste itself?”

“Those weren’t the words on my tongue, but I’ll give you that, sure.” Anders reaches for an elaborate-looking pastry on the nearest plate, apple of some kind he thinks, but Amell knocks his hand away. “I know you’re beholden to the metabolism now, too,” he says, “but you could at least get your own.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Maker, it smells good in here. He almost stands and follows his nose to his own breakfast, but he leans forward instead. If he doesn’t ask now he might lose the nerve. “So! I have a proposition for you.”

Amell doesn’t acknowledge his words, his eyes on his book again as he marks his page and flips it shut. “You might not want to wear that today.”

“Are you trying to get me out of my robes, Amell? A bit forward of you, but maybe I’d consider it. If you let me eat breakfast first.”

“I—” He falters, just for a moment. His recovery fast enough that Anders is almost disappointed. “We have a task before us, I’m afraid. There seems to be an opening in the tunnels, a way for the darkspawn to get through. Voldrik Glavonak’s prepared to repair it, but we need to do a sweep first, kill any darkspawn that remain. Ready to face them for the first time?”

“You seem to be forgetting the ones I barbecued quite recently.”

“The first time as a Warden. On a different scale. It’s not something to take lightly.”

“I get that a lot.”

Amell raises a brow. “You wanted to ask me something?”

Well, here goes. “Things are getting bustling around here,” he starts. “The new soldiers seem pretty green—there’s already been some broken limbs in training, and don’t think I have to tell you there’ll be worse if they have to do any actual soldiering. There was a case of the coughs going around last week. Some of the families moving in have more children on the way. Amaranthine’s far.” He looks down for a moment, worrying his robe between his fingers, but forces his gaze back up. “What I’m saying is, I think I should open a clinic.”

It takes Amell a moment to finish his bite. “We already have a clinic.”

“Well, yes, but we don’t have a mage running it. And certainly not one like me. Do I have to be humble about it? I am pretty amazing.”

“You realize you’re asking to do this in your free hours? You’re a Warden first, and frankly I need you on the field.”

That’s the point, he almost says, far too fast, but holds his tongue for a beat. “I do realize that.”

Amell sits back and takes a sip from the coffee he’s never far from in the mornings, seeming to consider. It doesn’t take long. “Okay. Yes. As long as you’re not running yourself ragged, I think that’s a splendid idea, actually. Speaking of the field, though, can we talk fighting strategy?”

Anders glances over at the line for food, teeming now that it’s more than just the early risers, but before he can turn back and say anything, Amell’s nudging a plate his way. The apple pastry, after all. He bites into it with a grin. As delicious as it smelled.

“Assuming we do find any darkspawn down there,” Amell continues, ”I’ll go in close, but I’d like you to hold back. Stay away.”

“Look, I know I’m a healer, but I did study offensive magic, too—”

“I know. But you have skills that I don’t, and I’d like to use them.”

Emboldened, Anders shuffles his chair closer and reaches for the plate of bacon. Amell does, too, then freezes when their fingers brush. His hands are warm, soft, and for a heartbeat Anders lets the touch linger, until Amell snaps his hand away. Quietly clears his throat. Is he…flustered? Anders grabs the largest piece of bacon in triumph.

A no-pressure tag forward to @noire-pandora @mxanigel @potatowitch @milesmentis @effelants @cleverblackcat @mxkelsifer @noetikat @my-dumb-obsessions @glowing-blue-feathermage @delicatefade @dismalzelenka @sulky-valkyrie @dalish-rogue @pierogipie @transandersrights —I'd love to see what you're up to, if you feel like sharing.

[anaphroditealtermaybe]

An offering to aphrodite

A love letter to my ex that he’ll never read

-

If I were to divorce

And you were to divorce

We could maybe be together

If you de converted from Christianity

Or if i reconverted

Or maybe we could just have sex,

And you could regret it

And I could regret letting you do something you’d regret

Maybe we could comfort each other in our woes

But most likely, we would do none of those things.

We might get coffee. That would be nice.

I would like it anyway. I worry you might consider it a chore.

Im not writing this because I’m unhappy in my marriage or actually want to have sex with you still

I mean

I do wish we had had sex

But I don’t wish I had married you instead

Im writing this because I want to make something beautiful for aphrodite, and my drive is still oriented to you for some reason

Not my sexual drive, but like, my Longing TM drive.

Sexually though. Because it’s for aphrodite. Maybe I can write about what I would have wanted to do with you Fi we did have a regular sexual relationship.

Maybe

Oh god

You smelled so good. So so so so good. Your sweat smelled like pine. And you were SO soft and gentle. Thinking about it makes me want to go back to that night. You were GOOD. You have sexual TALENT, Sam. I’ve had like, some, partners, and you’re GOOD. And you only had one partner before then and it had been 7 years for you. And it felt natural anyway, like you weren’t skillful by intent, you were just enjoying me enjoying you enjoying me. You were beautiful. Your lips were so soft. And god. Your demeanour. I was SO attracted to you. I’m sure I still would be attracted to you if I met with you again. You’re SO BEAUTIFUL oh my goooooooooooooddddss

Anthony reminded me of you a lot, and I was less repressed about my desires for him. But I don’t think he would have been as good in person. He didn’t like the drama as much. He wouldn’t have felt as, bittersweet. He just would have felt sweet.

What does Ryan feel like, you ask? Sweet. Bitter. Not bittersweet. He just feels like himself. There’s not a lot of tension. There never was. He doesn’t understand what I’m talking about when I try to explain that. It doesn’t mean I love him less, in fact I actually love and respect him more.

You were kind of a dingus. Even when I knew you, I knew that. It’s not just in retrospect. I just WANTED you so much I made it work.

Ryan… works. Really well. I shouldn’t have issues. But there’s nothing to MAKE work, there are no tragic barriers to our love, other than my grief at there being no tension… which ends up being the biggest barrier of all. Well, that an communication issues. You at least… liked explaining how you thought you made sense lol. Ryan doesn’t like « discussion » like that. I mean, I don’t know for sure you liked discussion as much as I did. But you engaged with me. In a really stimulating and emotionally gratifying way.

Ryan prefers not drama. Not talking about Topics unless we need to. But he’s Very concerned about the material world and future. I find it boring. But I know I need it. It’s vital for survival. But it doesn’t feel vital to me to survive because of Christianity and my / your version of it. You just had sooooo much faith in god

Or thought you should. So you didn’t voice material concerns, rather you were concerned about /what you should be concerned about/. You were philosophical. It was delightful. I hope you’re still like that. I hope you’re still you, that marriage hasn’t killed you.

I want to know what your wife is like, just out of genuine curiosity. I want to know what kind of marriage you /would/ have. Just because you’re interesting.

Ryan is interesting too, as a subject. But he’s not interesting to talk to because he doesn’t like explaining himself. There’s not enough of a wall when I engage with him for me to feel safe being fascinated by him. It feels too clinical for me to observe him like that. It’s not as fun. You liked being observed the way I liked being observed, ryan doesn’t. And he won’t observe me either because he feels critical when he does.

I suppose I am a little unhappy. But it’s not because I miss you, rather I miss you as. Symptom of the unhappiness I suppose. And the unhappiness might et be Ryan’s fault either. I mean, my happiness is my own responsibility. I was talking with aphrodite about this just a few posts ago. I need a purpose, and the last really clear purpose I had other than getting married to ryan, was just, being with and talking with you as much as I could. I’m starting to get a bit of that with ryan I think

Oh, and I had it with Jesus obviously. But that was pathological. I was nuts. And it was pathological with you too, that’s why it ended I think. But. You’re at least. Someone I can hug

GOD you had a nice body. Just the way you WERE. The skin texture you had. Everything about you. I çant even fucking pin it down. That night was just EUPHORIC I will literally remmeber it forever.

And like, I had some nice times with Denis too, but they don’t haunt me, I just think of them when I need to get off sometimes. I never (ever) think of you like that. It feels unholy. I wasn’t full of lust when we were together, I was full of joy tbh. And grief. GOD I miss you so much. I think we could have become lustful eventually, we could have had fun. That night wasn’t fun for me, it was very very very serious business. I kissed you in rhythms I would later sob about you with

I can phantom smell you right now somehow

I miss you. For Réal. I actually miss you. I’m so sorry for fuckijg it up. I’m so so so so so so so so so sorry. I don’t know what I didn’t do wrong. I wish I could have been good enough for you. You were so beautiful.

[silverselfshippingchaos]

!! Ash, I love your cyberpunk s/i ask meme!! You did so good!! :>

Alsooo, I do absolutely wanna know about your cyberpunk s/i, sooooo can I get... A Day in the Life, I Can See Clearly Now, Double Life, I Walk The Line, With A Little Help From My Friends aaaand Sweet Dreams?

I would ask for all of them, but I'll leave some for other people to ask. But also if you wanna do all of them anyways, I would love to read

HEYYYY thank you!!!!! i'm so excited to talk cyberpunk Ash!!! She's very cool (I'm biased).

Swearing, some blood, mentions of kidnapping and killing... What you'd see in your average Night City afternoon.

A Day in the Life: They say looks are everything in Night City, so what does your S/I look like? Hair, tattoos, eyes, all of that. Who are they and what made them like that? Give us the most basic overview of your character. Do their looks contrast with their personality at all?

Ash is paired with Vik, and so she's around his age. She's in her early 70s, but she looks a lot younger because... well... This is Cyberpunk. Like me, she's very visibly of Punjabi descent and has tan skin and black hair that reaches to her mid-back/waist. She usually has it tied up because she just doesn't like having it in her way regardless of what she's doing. She also wears red glasses like I do! She doesn't need them to see and ditches them in quests that involve her fighting.

Ash has a LOT of tattoos! After all, she is a tattoo artist! She works out of Vik's Clinic and she has plenty of fun clients and a lot of passion for what she does. It's not what she always did, but we'll get to that later. I'm unsure if she has any tattoos on her face since I'm still figuring things out, but she has a lot on her arms and the rest of her body, even though she is fairly covered up by her clothes. Her tattoos are a lot more zentangle-y as opposed to her partner, who has a lot of faces. Ash works with symbols and ideas, and her tattoos reflect that. Lots of lines, solid colors, stars, maybe some text here and there. Overall something quite artistic and pretty. Kerry's arms come to mind.

(That being said, did Ash tattoo him? I dunno! We'll figure it out!)

Ash's most defining trait is a scar she has running down her left cheek. She used to be involved with a gang, but eventually left and become a mercenary. People weren't happy about her leaving + a multitude of other reasons since Younger Ash had a bit of a thing for pissing people off... And so some Scavs were tipped off. Besides, Ash has plenty of great chrome in her. Ash describes it as the scariest day of her life, when she got kidnapped and cut open. She was saved by a certain boxer though, and it was kind of around that time that her and Vik realized that shit, I need you in my life always.

There is a sidequest in which V is with Ash when she confronts the person who brought in scavs in the first place. This person (whom I haven't developed at all) was an old friend of Ash's, maybe even a partner. During that quest, they have a chat about how Ash could very easily kill this person. After all, when has Ash ever hesitated to get blood on her hands before?

"No, I'm not. That would be too easy. I'd fucking love to watch you bleed, shoot you full of holes and leave you there bleeding on the street. I'd love to take you away to the Badlands, tie you up, rip your clothes off, dig my knife into your flesh and start peeling it off.... Just like what they did to me. But it's been 40 years and I have things to live for that have nothing to do with you."

Anyways!

I Can See Clearly Now: Adding onto the last question, let's talk cybernetics. Does your S/I have any chrome? Why or why not? If so, what kinds do they have and what purpose does it serve? Additionally, how did they get that chrome? Do they have a ripperdoc that they trust, or was it some shady hack-job?

Ash never got that scar removed. Vik offered, but she wanted to keep it, and he respects that choice a lot. As for Cybernetics, Ash has enough to get around, but still not an excessive amount. Ash being a mercenary in her past plays a big role in what her character is meant to be. In a sense, Ash is what V could be. She's a lot older, she's retired, she found something that makes her happy. She got to live.

Will V ever have that luxury? Being both an accomplished mercenary and not losing their mind along the way? As a result, Ash generally has some of the same tech that default V has, but with some quirks.

She has a grip in her right hand for her lovely pistol (called Ashes and Dust, given to V through a quest), a scanner in her eyes + overall better eyesight, and also double-jump! Some other smaller things here and there so she can take a few bullets, but her skin isn't silver or anything.

As for ripperdocs.... Her partner is the best one in the city. I don't think I need to explain who she usually goes to for tech-related asks LMAO. Some of his tattoos are her doing too.

Double Life: Corpo, Street Kid, or Nomad? Or none at all? Where does your S/I come from and how did they end up in Night City (assuming they're there at all)?

Ash grew up in the west coast to a pretty well-off family. She was a model student, but when she was about 18-19ish, she murdered a relative. They deserved for the way they acted, but it was murder nonetheless. And so, Ash finds herself in Night City. She then proceeds to live the life of your typical Street Kid.

She joins up with a gang and makes money shooting gonks. Over time, she gets fairly good at her craft and scrounges up plenty of eddies. Most of them are saved, but plenty go towards her appearance too. Tattoos, piercings, chrome... All that good stuff. More than a few eddies were spent on XBDs and joy toys too, of course.

Ash is a well-known name on the streets. People fear her. She was known for creating blood baths wherever she went. Oh, also! Younger Ash dyed her hair a lot! The lower half of her hair was always some funky color, and she had a leather jacket she loved ripping up and painting and absolute wrecking. Very well-worn!

It's while Ash is running with the gang that she stumbles across the Night City Devils Boxing Club. She's not a boxer by any means, but she hangs out. She ends up becoming close friends with one of the boxers there (Viktor Vektor). They had nothing to do with each other, but yet they were still able to talk on equal terms. They became friends, and younger Vik had to stick back up a bullet wound of hers more than a few times.

She left after a decade or so, and then the scavs happened, and then she was a mercenary, and then Vik told her that maybe she needs a hobby that isn't as "destructive" (what do you mean killing people isn't good for her??), so she starts drawing and now she stabs people with needles for a living!

I Walk The Line: How is your S/I in terms of morals? Do they try to do the right thing in sticky situations, or do they not hesitate to shot a gonk without warning? Is there such a thing as having a heart in a place like Night City?

Ash doesn't hesitate to kill, but she's a lot more mellowed out in her old age than when she was 30. It's no longer going to be her first resort. I like to think she's a fairly nice person who won't go out and start conflict (anymore, at least). She's a pillar of support to a lot of people, but Night City will never forget the ruthless merc she once was.

She doesn't create problems, but she will end them.

These days she's mostly just down in the clinic doodling in her sketchbook or tattooing a client.

With A Little Help From My Friends: Is your character a lone wolf, or do they have a crew of friends that they always stick with? What are their relationships like and around whom do they spend their time (if anyone)?

Ash is really tight with the Vik/V/Jackie/Misty squad! She works out of the clinic, so she's very close with all of them and sees V/Jackie/Misty kinda like her kids. Especially V.

She's like that kind of shady, but really funny aunt. The slang she uses can be a little outdated sometimes too, so she always makes the youngins laugh! She likes them all, and she just wants the best for V.

As for her relationship with Vik, they don't put any labels on it in-game. He's just her partner and they're a bit of a boxed set.

"Good mornin', kid. Glad to see ya here. It gets tiring, Viktor always talking my damn ear off… Makes me wanna rip the things he put in 'em right out."

V just chuckles,

"Yeah? Then how come I always find you down here?"

"I owe him a debt or three… And, besides, I've been his partner in crime for years now. I bet the stupid old man doesn't know where he'd be without me! Think of me as his guard dog."

You can hear Viktor mumbling something about how, yeah, dog is a very fitting word for her- They love each other a lot, I swear. It's pretty clear to see that they're in love.

Sweet Dreams: What does your S/I dream of? What is their motivation to get out of bed every morning? What do they want from life? Are they fine with flying under the radar and living a relatively normal life, or do they want to make a statement?

Ash is somebody who has experienced Night City. These days, she's just a normal tattoo artist and she's very happy with the (mostly) quiet life that she lives with Vik. She was once a legend, but now she just exists. NC isn't a great place, but it has been Ash's home for so many years. She's seen so many things happen.

She was content with being a killer for so long, but she has found her true calling. She loves making art and she loves leaving her mark on peoples' bodies.

She may joke around a lot, but you can't deny her experience. Her main problem these days is just that she wants the best for V. She just wants them to live.

[marudol]

ive been thinking a lot of half-baked ideas lately.

firstly i just adore their tea time. i think it's so fun how much pattadol takes to marcille so fast :) i like to imagine pattadol doesn't have much experience with non-elven food, so they go out to restaurants together and marcille is charmed at how patty reacts to food with, like, paprika in it

onto vague fic ideas though. WF is already basically about a marudol courtship, but it is hard to resist the urge to throw farcille drama in it.

WF won't have that—falin is out traveling and maybe pops in during the middle but only briefly—but a separate fic that is basically a love triangle where falin loses is really entertaining to me? i don't even dislike farcille i just chafe against the "marcille loved falin this whole time" interpretation bc i think it cheapens her character to reduce her arc into being about a love interest.

i think the whole "falin tries reptile/bird courting behaviors" trope is funny if it flops bc marcille doesnt recognize them. i could probably combine the love triangle idea with the stupid fic idea i had where pattadol's parents tell her to court melini's court mage so that flamela (future queen, hates tradition) will possibly like them more.

falin exploding pattadol with her mind just makes me giggle idk what to tell you

another idea is a smut fic about marcille jerking pattadol off so she can have seminal fluid for a fairy because i think the premise is kind of funny. partially roleplay bc i cant see marcille ACTUALLY being cold and clinical during sex

their ~first time~ is also really interesting to think about to me, bc i think they're both similar levels of completely inexperienced. marcille however has read sooooo many romance books that have sex in them vs pattadol can't even look at the romance genre without exploding. i'd want to avoid sapphic sugar slop but this is probably the closest one to that?

i kinda wanna write a short thing in pattadol's pov about how hot she thinks marcille is. pattadol is a BREASTS WOMAN (i believe in unrequited cithadol where patty has a hopeless crush lol) and she can't get marcille's stupid dungeon lord dress out of her head even tho she saw her explode mithrun's head and she is so tortured by it whenever she sees marcille evoke it in the present

also thinking about a trashy halloween costume smut fic where marcille is indecisive about what to dress as (referencing the monster outfit doodles) and whatdya know, sexy succubus 'costume' in the bedroom.

i need . to write my stupid marudol ideas. anyways goodnight tumblr see you in the morning

marudol thoughts, some nsfw and some not

[athetos]

What's so bad about chrome? Except the anti-adblockers thing (I don't use adblockers anyway because they stop small businesses and youtubers collecting any ad revenue because no ads were displayed) and the data stealing thing, which I probably don't care about as much as I should.

A few things:

1. You can disable ad blockers on specific pages, so you can use it on the most offending sites and turn it off for ones you allow. Which. Honestly block ads on YouTube lol youtubers make MAYBE a single penny if you watch an ad, while YouTube profits like crazy overall. If you want to support them directly through merch or tipping or patreon 100% do that instead. I see it as a Spotify situation; stream their songs all you want, they’ll probably see just pennies; support them through merch / tickets/ vinyl.

2. You should definitely care about data stealing more. If you request your info collected from Google, you’ll get over 100 pages of data, easy. Everything from your entire search history to your exact locations. They’re NOT ppl you want to trust with that info. Besides the absolute lack of privacy, they share that information with ad companies to make a profit - and even with the government, such as ICE. There’s a reason everyone encourages people where abortion is illegal to use VPNs and whatnot when looking at abortion resources. Some apps that track menstruation even provide that info to clinics so they can tell if you’ve terminated a pregnancy! That’s scary shit. I don’t want any corporation or the government to know my exact coordinates or what I’ve been looking at. Of course, if the government formally REQUESTS firefox data, they have no choice but to oblige, but they don’t actively cooperate with them. (That’s where vpns come in)

3. Google chrome is SLOW. I didn’t realize how slow it was until I switched to Firefox. I can’t explain it super well, but chromium browsers use a ton of memory, because each tab has its own processes running? Something like that. Firefox doesn’t; it’s significantly faster and smoother, and your computer won’t chug after you open a bunch of tabs.

4. Sooooo many customization options that are fun to play with, and add-ons are super helpful.

5. Picture in Picture mode my beloved… it’s awesome having a video playing in a little frame while surfing other sites.

So I HIGHLY encourage everyone to switch to firefox, it’s free, more accessible, FUCK Google for being a shitty corporation anyways, it keeps your shit more private, and it’s faster. No regrets.

(While you’re at it, you should look into getting a VPN too. I recommend protonvpn, which has a free tier! It doesn’t have as many options as their paid tier, but it’s very good. They also have their own email, which is nice but sadly a bit awkward to use)