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sehtoast · 4 months ago

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Tender Threads Ch 9 (Homelander x OC)

chapter nine: awakenings

chapter directory | slow burn, hurt/comfort, fluff, spidersona as original character, original trans male character, smut, sublander

summary: the world hasn't always been good to you, has it, little spider?

warnings: this chapter contains attempted/foiled SA against a minor, recollections of SA by a main character, and themes of hate-crimes

“– and now that menace is trying to corrupt our greatest hero!”

He fades into the world before his eyes even open. There’s an awareness of most things. A body beside him, fuzzy blankets beneath the palm of his hand, a pillow that his face is half sunken into, warmth…

“These arachnid types are all the same!”

And that damn voice…

He blinks slowly, eyelids heavy with the weight of rest the likes of which he hasn’t had in… well, he doesn’t know, really. Before him is his little spider, phone aloft in his limp hand playing on the lowest volume setting and looping what seems to be a podcast of some sort.

“Junkies, thieves, dangers to society!”

Despite the vitriol, Benjamin seems to have fallen back asleep. Homelander slips the phone out of his hand and squints. 8:45 in the morning… not quite time to start their day, but certainly a lot later than he normally sleeps. Not that it matters terribly much. Friday meetings always happened later in the day. Other than a photoshoot at two, their day was mostly clear.

Mostly.

“And now one’s in The Seven! What were they thinking!?”

The Bugle. Some low ranking news podcast channel he’s heard of in media demos that constantly begs for him to come on as a guest. Homelander rolls his eyes. This guy was less than shit in grass, but, all things considered, shit served more of a purpose. Just a washed up old editor for a disbanded newspaper company whose name he recycled shortly after they had to close up shop. Desperate for anything that could lift his views, even if it was just a rank amateur D-lister from some shithole like Cleveland.

Jonamy Ameson was no ordinary angry old man, it seemed. As Homelander scrolled the VTok page, it appeared that he had a massive personal vendetta against Spider-Man.

“I don’t want that kind of filth swinging around the streets of this great city– nay, this great nation!”

Every word was shouted with all of the poise of a tantruming child, fists slammed on his desk to rattle the cheap microphone, fingers pointed into the camera. If the video wasn’t about Ben, about Spidey, it was about Webweaver, Silk Strider, Arachno-Lad– basically any spider type hero was ripe for the picking, but Ameson’s prime target was always Spidey.

Interesting…

“To think Homelander would allow such filth on his team! The lawlessness of it makes me want to simply vomit!”

Maybe it was worth booking a slot on his little budgetless production to put Ameson in his place. For now, though… He has Ben’s phone. Ben’s unlocked phone. A quick glance finds the bug still out cold, so he gets to work.

Homelander was no aficionado with technology, but he knew one thing. A person’s cell phone was an absolute gold mine of secrets. Texts, photos, search history, all sorts of little obscure things he hasn’t been able to deduce from his secret visits and late night observations.

He starts with texts. The second to last person Benjamin had texted was his mother and, from the looks of it, the conversation hadn’t been pleasant.

-please talk to your brother. he loves you -

-he’s got a real funny way of showing it -

-he just doesn’t know how. you’re not being nice -

-the last time i talked to him he made sure to accuse me of being part of ‘tranny predator cabals’ but sure, *i’m* not nice -

The conversation seemed to have died there two days ago. He backs out and opens the most recent. In it, he finds Benjamin’s chats with his apparent best friend– the same one Homelander watched him have lunch with so long ago.

-i made Homelander mad, idk what to do -

-Duuuuude -

-help 😭😭 i don’t want him pissed at me! -

-I thought you’d want him at a distance after the stalking bullshit -

-i meaaan a few weeks ago yeah, but not really now yk? he’s not bad. kinda cool actually. you seen the pics yet of us running around together?

-Just that one from the other day with the car thieves -

The rest is… interesting. Ben told of their excursions. Of how scared he was the first time they flew but how he’s started loving it so much– how he’s embarrassed to ask but wants to see if ‘Homie’ would ever bring him up above the clouds at night.

-idk does that sound weird? it might be weird -

-It’s a little weird bro. Shit sounds a lil romantical ngl -

-😭😭 -

A little night trip, eh? He could do that… But a romantic flight? That was… something else. That the bug didn’t deny it was worth a raised eyebrow or two. Maybe… No. No, no… he shouldn’t entertain the thought. But maybe…

He shakes his head to clear his mind.

Benjamin’s gallery is little more than wanted signs and missing person posters, with maybe a shot or two relevant to his actual life. A few screenshots of stupid social media posts, a picture of the menu from Patsy’s Pizza…

He’s so fucking ordinary.

Homelander half expected to find rantings and ravings about how much the bug detested their time together. Something to undermine and dispel the illusion of all of this strange kindness. Hell, he was even hoping to find a nude or two to send to himself and delete the evidence of such from Benjamin’s phone right after– but there’s nothing. Even his social media is clean.

With a sigh, expelling emotions he can’t even name, Homelander leans over the bug to place the phone on the nightstand. And that’s fine until he realizes how close that makes them. The strangest shiver goes down his spine– a need to curl his arm around Ben’s abdomen and tug him nearer and sink into his very existence.

Their faces are so close. He can practically taste Ben’s breath and he hardly hates that it carries that morning-time smell with only a whisper of the bug’s toothpaste of choice. His nose should be scrunching in disgust. Every part of him should be reacting that way. Instead, he stares at Ben’s lips, imagines what it would be like to slot a leg between his and entwine their limbs.

He’s never woken up beside someone before.

Maeve never stayed. Never wanted to. The rare fan usually left right after, was far too fucking annoying to keep around, or just… didn’t survive the prior events. Even in the more innocent sense, like now, he’s never had this.

What are you doing to me..?

He leans in closer.

Closer…

The slightest nudge would touch their lips and he’d know if this was all just his mind playing tricks on him or if it was something…

Something else.

The fact Benjamin hasn’t startled awake yet is a miracle.

Homelander’s breaths grow unsteady, chest beginning to rise and fall faster and harder, heart hammering within. There’s something forbidden about it all. A fruit too sweet to taste that screamed for him to do it anyway. Could he stop himself?

Should he?

Eve cast mankind from paradise with a mere bite. Would the same happen here? If those gentle eyes happened to flutter open and catch him in the act, would he too be thrown from heaven?

He has to know. He has to fucking know right now.

He flinches the moment their lips touch. It’s as if Benjamin is pure electricity jolting through his very bones, fire through his veins, air in his lungs and it’s all from a mere brush of flesh. Homelander’s eyes roll and flutter shut. He goes back a second time, firmer. It’s a sensation running hot and cold through his entire body all the to the fog of his mind.

He doesn’t move. Doesn’t glide his lips further nor allow his tongue to swipe out. He just lingers there, letting every sensation lap at the shores of his heart, mind, and soul. It was like water in the desert. Food for a man starved. Freedom for a caged dog.

Pulling away is the hardest thing he’s ever done. But he can’t risk it.

He cannot be cast out from Eden.

Meetings had gone from a sore spot of anxiety to no more than a time to daydream. There wasn’t much to it. Homelander did the same-old-same-old. He’d ask about saves, about marketing, about media projects, all the regular stuff. This time, though, he gets to gloat.

“Well, the bug and I got up to some mischief with a few groups of undesirables this past week.” He says proudly, shoulders back as he preens before the lackluster attention of the team. “Media’s been eating it up, Home-Spider's been trending for three days straight. Our approval rates hit a hundred percent this morning. That’s how it’s done, team. ”

Homelander’s so giddy– happier than usual by a long shot. Ben wonders what’s gotten into him. Even their morning together had been incredibly upbeat. Granted said morning was a matter of waking up, having a laugh about the absurdity of having had a sleepover without discounting that it was actually enjoyable, offering Homelander a lackluster breakfast of cereal– which he politely denied, and seeing him off as he floated back to his penthouse to get put together for the day. But still.

Waking up beside him had been interesting. Seeing Homelander with his eyes shut, sleeping peacefully without a trace of stress, sourness, or even a distant, distracted mind warping his expressions was…

Well, it certainly brewed a nice warm feeling in the bug’s chest. The entire fact Homelander had shown up last night took Ben totally by surprise, but it spurred the strangest tidal wave of joy. Maybe because the ice cream apology worked out, but also just knowing he’d flipped the man who once threatened to ruin his life over to a friend was a source of happiness in its own right. But it was somehow more.

For so long, Ben’s only friend had been Jase. There was only so much the bug could pester him before he would start to feel like a nuisance. He’s lost so many people to having a dual life and hiding himself. All the events he’s walked out on to do the right thing, all the people he’s left behind, every text detailing how his absence was too hurtful to tolerate anymore… and even just the relationships that died naturally.

Although he was, at first, a suffocating force, Homelander has become the freshest breath of air Benjamin has breathed in a very long time. Strange how the man who destroyed his perfect balance could become such a thing.

“Now,” leather clad hands come down on Ben’s shoulders and jar him from his thoughts. The grip is gentle– kind, even. “Spidey and I have to get a move on to cover our obligations, but I fully expect to hear good things from everyone when we meet again on Tuesday.”

Once upon a time Ben would have expected those hands to be slowly crushing his bones in a display of dominance, but they do nothing of the sort. In fact, one drops and Homelander splays the other between Ben’s shoulder blades. Benjamin looks up and smiles, glancing to the side occasionally to watch the others depart. Maeve’s lingering gaze doesn’t go unnoticed, but he brushes it off.

“We’ve got that photoshoot next, yeah?” He asks.

Homelander nods. “Then some more district patrols. Oh, I’ve got a surprise for you too, but you’re gonna have to wait.”

“You wha–”

“Ah, ah. No spoiling it.” Homelander says with a wag of his finger. “Now, go do whatever it is a spider does. I’ve got a quick meeting with Madelyn before we leave.”

“Wait, like– it’s a good meeting, right?”

“Of course, silly.”

Silly? That’s a new one.

“Just make sure you’re on the roof when I’m done, ‘kay?” Homelander leans in, brow arched, voice softer and deeper. “Otherwise I’ll have to hunt you down.”

Ben’s brows raise and his cheeks tingle with a warmth that spreads a little faster through his body than he’d care to admit. “In that case, c-can I just… give you my number then?” Smooth. “Not to like, y’know– it’s so you can tell me when you’re done and I can–”

“Mm,” Homelander hums, pulling a phone out from god knows where in his suit. “That sounds like a super idea, actually.” He leans against the table and hands it off, eyes locked with Ben's. “Go ahead, put it in.”

Woah… is he– why’s he being so…

The bug taps away to create the contact, sends himself a message, and hands it back. Homelander peers at the screen for a moment before snorting a little laugh. Probably because of the contact name.

‘Ben 🕷️ 🤠’

“Behave yourself, Benjamin.” Homelander says as he stands once more, turning on his heel to leave. He gets to the door’s threshold before he turns back. “Oh, and don’t put my name in your phone as something weird. You fuckin’ Gen Z’s are always doing that.”

Oh, now it’s just pure fucking temptation.

“No promises. Homie.”

“Hope you didn’t blink. That’d just make us look bad.”

“I’m wearing a mask, you dipshit!” Ben cackles, releasing one web to tether another. “What if you blinked, huh?”

“Please,” Homelander scoffs as he floats along. “I’m perfect. I would never do such a thing.”

“Suuure. I bet.” The bug lets off at just the right angle to land on a low building. On the streets below, students were just letting out from a nearby high school and their far-off chatter filled the air around them.

Homelander touches down right next to Ben and shoots him a smug look. The teasing had been going on back and forth since they first left Vought Tower. Nothing crazy. In fact, it had all been perfectly good natured.

The day had been absolutely wonderful. They’d even snagged some churros once the shoot ended and ate them on top of the Empire State Building. Of course, Homelander complained about the low quality of the ‘meal.’ He was, after all, a man of refined tastes accustomed to steak and lobster and whatever other fancy-pants cuisine the chefs on floor twenty-two cooked up.

“What, you didn’t know you could do custom orders?”

“No!” Ben whined. “The fuck? You mean you can just get anything, and it’s like– it’s free!?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Homelander asked, giving the street vendor food a concerned sniff.

“‘Cuz it’s fuckin’– it’s so fancy, dude!” The bug throws his head back in theatrical agony. “My god, I’ve been eating lunchables and ramen this whole time. What the hell...”

“I don’t– why the fuck would it even matter if cost anything? It’s not like you’re poor anymore.”

“Old habits, Homie.” Ben gripes. “Once you’ve lived off’a jarred marinara and dollar store spaghetti for a month because you fucked up your budget, you just kinda get conscious of spending, y’know?”

“Nope.” Homelander snorts. “I would not know. That sounds disgusting.”

“Mm.” Comes a hum that breaks Ben from the joyful memory. “Sounds like a kerfuffle closer to the school.”

“Wanna check it out?”

“Just kids,” Homelander says. “Sounds like the pecking order is just establishing itself.”

The bug just looks at him.

“Fine.” Homelander grabs Ben at the waist and propels them into the air, zipping all the way to a rooftop overlooking some rank alleyway where a gaggle of youths jeered at another, shoving him back and forth between the circle they’d formed around him.

“Let’s see it, pussy boy!”

“C’mon, you say you’re a real man! Shouldn’t be that hard to prove it.”

A girl stands off to the side, phone pointed at the scene while she laughs in gleeful joy.

Ben jumps down with no care to slow his fall. The concrete crackles below him, drawing away all the attention.

The crowd parts with gasps of awe and horror, and in the center is an older boy frozen in place, hands mid-tug on a younger boy’s shirt.

Benjamin inhales deeply, holds it, then lets it go. They’re kids– remember that they’re just kids.

The girl holding the phone points it in his direction, quaking. With a thwip, he snags it from her, throws it to the ground, and crushes it under his heel. Rage brews in his gut like a poison. He’s almost confident his knees are trembling almost as much as his balled fists. It’s all but a mirror fucking image of himself... Tears bite at his eyes and it takes all he’s got to swallow the lump in his throat between the grinding of his teeth.

The kids flinch with his first step toward them. By the second, they’re inching their bodies to turn for their inevitable dash from the scene of the crime. All Ben wants is to grab each of them by the neck and throttle them senseless for what they were doing.

“Go.” He grits. “Get the fuck out of here!”

Normally, seeing them throw one another to the wolves and every-man-for-himself-ing it would be amusing. But not this. Not now.

The boy they’d been after sniffles and tugs his jacket back in place, zipping it quickly to hide the torn neckline of his shirt that had revealed a garment Benjamin knew all too well.

“Hey it’s– don’t worry now, okay?” He stammers, approaching slowly. “They’re gone, and they ain’t coming back. This yours?” Ben asks, nodding his head in the direction of scattered books, paper, and a crumpled bookbag. His heart hurts ten times worse when he spots the little pink, blue, and white pride pin dangling from a zipper loop.

The boy doesn’t answer, nor does his gaze rise from the ground. Ben picks everything up anyway. He spots a name on some torn up algebra homework.

“Eli?”

That does the trick. Ben grabs one last thing off the ground– a baseball cap– and shuffles over to him. “You okay?” The bug kneels once Eli looks back to the ground. Kiddo’s got a black eye and a bloody nose. “Think you dropped this,” he murmurs. He gently plops the hat in place and tugs it forward nice and snug. Perfect fit.

Thwip.

Whoever’s washcloth he snagged from the clothesline above will just have to cope with its loss. “Here.” He says, reaching forward with the rag to dab away the blood. “Pinch that for me, yeah?” When the boy’s hands don’t leave the neckline of his jacket, Ben sighs.

“Don’t worry about hiding the straps, little dude. I used to wear a binder too.”

And, just like that, shame and humiliation turns to awe and disbelief.

“Used to have shitty kids do awful things to me too.”

“R-Really?” Eli squeaks, voice nasally from the hold Ben keeps on his nose.

“So you can talk!” The bug chirps, lenses miming the way his eyes change with his growing smile. “Here, take that– awesome. But yeah… Yeah.” Ben slings the bookbag onto his back and stands. “Can I walk you home? Or I could swing ya. Your choice.”

The kid’s eyes light up even brighter. “I wanna– can we swing?”

“You bet!”

He swaps the bookback to his chest and lets Eli climb on piggy-back style.

“Hold onto your hat. You want the scenic route?”

“What the hell was that earlier?”

Ben's feet dangle over the edge. He and Homelander had stopped to relax not long after the debacle with the kids. There had still been a few issues around the city that needed handling, but they finally found a quiet moment. The top of Lady Liberty’s crown was the only place that seemed far enough away from the hustle and bustle of Manhattan, and they sat in near silence so long that the sun had started to paint the world in reds and golds.

“What do you mean?” The bug asks, sadness thick in his voice despite every insistence that he was completely fine.

“Just, all that.” Homelander doesn’t know how to explain it. The bug smelled like misery down to the atomic level from the moment he dropped the kid off, and there was obviously something personal in the way he’s been reacting to the situation. “You take every wet puppy we come across to heart, but you usually get over it pretty quickly. What’s the problem?”

It’s certainly irksome when the bug looks away. Benjamin’s dismay is practically stinking up Lady Liberty’s entire head.

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

Which is such a fucking lie. It almost makes him furious.

“Right, right.” He scoffs. “Your blood pressure is elevated over nothing. Got a little jack rabbit thumpin’ in your chest over nothing. Do you think I’m fucking stupid?”

“No, I just…” Ben sighs wistfully, but one of his uncomfortable chuckles cuts through it. “It’s just a lot, y’know?”

Since fucking when has his talkative little spider ever learned the art of silence? Christ, it’s almost a total role reversal of the other night. Ben’s silent, but all Homelander wants is their normal, stupid banter. He wants to hear about helping old broads cross the street and stopping bike thieves. He wants to hear Ben’s ridiculous anecdotes and pestering questions. But now he’s being deprived, and for fucking what? Because some pissant kid couldn’t fight off a pack of bullies?

“And I don’t wanna force you to be my therapist.”

As if the bug could force him to do anything. Time for a different approach.

“Heh, try me. I’ve been told I’ve got pretty strong shoulders.” He pats one for good measure. “Besides, the more you deny it, the more I want to know.”

The more I have to know…

Was there something not included in his file? Something Homelander hadn’t scrounged up in that shithole apartment Benjamin had been living in?

“C’mon, get it off your chest before you stink up the whole statue. Sad people smell bad.”

He stares and stares until Ben cracks the smallest smile. It would be fine if his eyes weren’t glassy.

“I just… ah, where to start…”

Probably at the beginning, he wants to say, but–

“That… happened to me.” Ben says, clearing his throat after a moment. “Just… really hit home, y’know?”

Oh.

Oh…

Homelander’s eyes narrow. He means to demand elaboration, but Ben beats him right to it.

“I… it was some kids at school.” Ben takes a deep, shaky breath. His blood pressure is climbing again, heart pounding, adrenaline brewing. He stares blankly into the dark nothingness of the river. “I dunno what they were even trying to prove, y’know? I figure you know all this already, but I wasn’t always a guy…”

He just nods. Of course he already knows. Vought didn’t miss a beat with that dossier. But, more importantly, Ben used to get harassed as a kid? It seems nothing short of preposterous. Benjamin’s a superhuman; he shouldn’t have a single problem putting filth beneath his boot–

“Apparently they were supposed to just beat my ass and prove a point, but I– it wasn’t…” Benjamin pauses, collecting himself, eyes shut.

Homelander inches the slightest bit closer. Never in his life has he ever felt a need so strong to pull someone into his arms. Hell, he’s never even asked someone to drop all of their baggage like this before either. He’s never cared. Things like this are beneath him… But how quickly that lack of concern has morphed into woeful rage the likes of which he hasn’t felt in decades…

“T-They didn’t do a lot, y’know, just– just some, but...”

Every sniffle, every crack in Ben’s voice rips Homelander’s heart to shreds. Someone had hurt his little spider.

“And I…” Ben wipes furiously at his eyes. “I think– I think that t-those kids earlier were about to do the same thing to that boy and–” Ben finally looks over, eyes bloodshot and puffy. Devastated inside and out. “Other than my old therapist and Jase, you’re the only one who knows about that now…”

His body moves on its own. Homelander pulls Benjamin over, loops an arm around his back and another beneath his knees and hoists him into his lap for an embrace unlike any he’s ever given. His heart hammers just as loudly as the bug’s.

“M’sorry,” comes the smallest, whimpering sob against the crook of his neck. “S-Shit, I don’t– crying’s not– I usually don’t–”

“Shut up,” Homelander says softly, careful to keep even the slightest shred of rage off his tongue. There would be time to find names later. Someday soon, hopefully. “Cry your heart out, bug boy. I can handle it. Good shoulders, remember?”

Ben’s body shakes with a small laugh that interrupts whatever suppressed weep managed to slip free.

“T-They are cozy,” he hiccups. “I’ll give ya that…”

He waits. Waits and waits and waits until Ben’s cries cease and his vitals fall back to less distressed ranges. By the sound of his breathing, he’s nearly wept himself to sleep. So Homelander does the only thing that feels more right than dropping everything to raze that little shithole town where Benjamin was raised to the ground.

“I’ve gotcha,” he coos. It’s the gentlest he’s ever taken off. Just a tiny hop was all he needed to become weightless and rise higher and higher. This is what he should’ve done right away.

“What’s–”

“Your surprise,” he says as if it were so obvious. “You like it?”

He certainly should regardless of how exhausted he may be. The sun casts its red haze across the clouds, painting them perfect hues of scarlet and pink, sinking bit by bit more and more beneath the horizon. The darkening blue of the sky threatens to overtake it all, like a god in and of itself ready to swallow the earth.

Ben clings to him even tighter.

“Relax. M’not gonna drop you.” Homelander huffs a small chuckle.

“I didn’t say you would,” yawns the bug.

God, their faces are so fucking close.

“You’re being sticky,” he hums with a small roll of his eyes. There’s not really a better way to describe it. “Don’t you trust me?”

Say yes… Please fucking– just say yes.

“I do, just–” Benjamin sputters, eyes darting to and from his gaze. “The heights, y’know? Wait, you can feel that?”

“No, but I figured you were stuck to me.” He teases, grinning from ear to ear.

The resulting giggle is like sweet music to his ears. It’s silent for a moment while the bug takes it all in.

“You can just– you can just do this like it’s nothing…” Ben murmurs after a while. “You’re amazing,”

“Mm, tell me more.”

“If I do that, your head won’t fit through my doorway anymore,” Benjamin chuckles. “But yeah…. Yeah.”

Just for that lovely compliment, Homelander decides the bug has earned a full sunset. Not until the sun fades away completely does he decide to descend and, even then, the bug is already halfway dozed off again. Messy hair tickles his cheek and he’s so glad Ben can’t see the smile he’s struggling to keep at bay.

Because it’s endearing, he tells himself.

He flies as slow as possible to savor the moment. It's awkward to maneuver two bodies through the access hatch at once, but he manages to do it all the same.

Part of him expected Ben to hop down as soon as they were inside, but, to his surprise, the bug does nothing of the sort. He clings weakly all the way back to the bedroom, and those arms don’t quite unloop from around his neck even after he lays Benjamin on the bed.

Their eyes meet and the space between them is so very small. No different at all than when he’d stolen that sweet, sleepy kiss…

“Hope you enjoyed flying air-Homelander,” he murmurs, smiling softly. All the rage he’s felt since Ben’s confession has melted away, replaced by butterflies and fondness that feels so sweet that it could give him a cavity at any moment. “You’ve arrived at your destination…”

Instead of letting go, those arms pull Homelander into a warm embrace. No one ever really knows that Homelander can quite literally sniff them out. Every little chemical the brain makes tickles his bloodhound nose in some way or another. And Benjamin..?

“Mm, thanks, Homie…”

He smells sweet.

“Of course.”

Warm. Welcoming.

“Get some sleep,” Homelander hums. The arms at his neck fall slowly and he tugs a blanket up to Ben’s chin. Even after he leaves– reluctantly, of course– and with a troubled mind, he can’t shake that scent. Serotonin, norepinephrine, oxytocin, vasopressin…

He smells like love.

Oh god. Oh god…

He’s paced back and forth through the penthouse for hours now working through the hurricane of emotions sweeping through both his heart and mind. There was rage. Pure, unbridled, wrath at the fact someone had harmed his sweet Benjamin. That they’d done such damage to the boy… it wasn’t enough to even fathom rolling heads. It had to be more.

He’d clenched his gloved fists over and over again, each creak of the leather a promise of how he’d crunch bones and sinew between his fingers and rip them limb from limb. He’d savor it. Every second would be perfect. There were no faces yet to attach to these fantasies. But soon, the very minute the staff clocked in, he’d put analytics’ sniffers on the trail. They’d scrounge up something. They fucking better.

Look at you, all in a twist over the bug.

His reflection stares back in the mirror, but there’s a lack of anger. There’s no ridicule in its eyes.

“I–” He swallows thickly, eyes darting between the window and mirror. “I hate that someone… hurt him.”

I know, John. I know… Why is that, do you think?

“I don’t–” He swallows again, letting loose a shuddering breath. He does know. Dare he speak the words? It was just a fixation, damn it! For so long, it was just a fixation. Just watching Ben through the walls of his shitty apartment, just floating out of sight to watch him swing to work, just watching – just…

It’s the same reason you’re so afraid of the next few days. They’ll be over. You don’t know if he’ll keep coming around. Chatting with you, sitting on rooftops, hanging out.

It was undeniable. As much as he tries to bury the feeling, there’s anxiety bubbling in droves over the idea of their mentorship week ending. He’s never really had something like this. Ben feels like a friend. Sure, sometimes he’s a pain in the ass and he never shuts up, but he’s so…

C’mon, tiger! Do the math. You snubbed Madelyn for him this morning. What, you can’t put two and two together?

“I can’t–”

Can’t what? Admit it? Because that makes it too–

“Real.” He deadpans. It makes it too real. These feelings, the reason he felt the need to sneak that little kiss, the way his heart fluttered earlier… letting Ben dump his baggage and not sneering or telling him off…

“I–”

Just then, his phone dings from across the room and a jolt of excitement sparks through his body like a barrage of lightning. He knows without even looking. He knows because no one fucking texts him let alone talks to him after work hours. His number was seemingly business only for so long, until…

Along came a spider.

He smiles sheepishly and does an awkward little run to his phone. He chucks his gloves off on the way and grabs it with delight, hoping beyond hope that it’s–

-can’t sleep :( wanna do another movie if you’re not already asleep? i’ll let you pick-

Giddiness rises in his chest and tugs the corners of his mouth into a big, happy grin. Duh, he wants to say. But he doesn’t reply at all. Instead, he’s down the side of the building and inside the hatch within moments. His hands shake slightly as he shuts it. The barely-there citrus scent and the aroma of popcorn greets his nose first thing, and it feels so right.

Ben’s in the kitchen to greet him, standing there in his boxers and a t-shirt while his snack of choice pops away in the microwave. A thrill runs up his spine at the sight.

What a way to end the day.

#homelander x oc #homelander #homelander fanfiction #the boys #the boys fanfic #homelander x reader #the benlander agenda #canon x oc #shout out to amy for being my jj parody that's so spot it's barely parody

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