#cleaning out my drafts this is like 5 months old

[grendelsmom]

I’m obsessed with how Pentiment truly manages to put the player in a position where no choice feels good and every option is so deeply trenched in doubt. Especially in act 1, also in act 2, but act 1 hits that particular angle so much harder.

And part of that is because the Baron is truly such a piece of shit. You can choose to kill Lucky, but even if he did it (which you are never certain about with any of the characters) the Baron was responsible for his pregnant daughters suicide and therefore disgrace even in death. Who could blame Lucky for hating him? You can choose to kill Ferenc, but the Baron blackmailed him due to Ferenc’s interest in the occult, which would surely get him killed by the church, and the Baron only used it to further his own gain. You can choose to kill Ottilia, but the Baron physically abused her husband and killed him in the long run. Which made Ottilia not only lose her husband, whom she loved by all accounts, but also her entire livelihood, because as a widow, she can’t inheret. You can choose to kill Matilda, but the Baron tried to rape her and physically abused her so heavily that she had to leave for months so that no one would notice. But you still have to condem one of them because otherwise, Piero gets the chop.

It’s different in act 2 because Otto is not directly responsible for the harm that comes to the suspects. But they are all just people trying their best. Hanna is at a bad place in her marriage and has, to be fair, an affair with a truly horrible man. But at the end of the day she’s trying to protect her husband and her son and the life they have build in Tassing. Martin/Jobst saw his chance after years as a bandit on the road to get away from that, to lead a better life, and he took it. He’s trying to be a good husband and a good father all while pretending to be someone he is not, but still being better to literally everyone around him than Martin ever was. And Guy is a piece of shit to quite literally everyone in Kiersau and Tassing, but that’s because he is deeply unhappy and bitter about the life he is forced to live. He can never go back home, never be around his people anymore. He’s forced to live as a monk for the rest of his life, so what he does is he steals to help and save those who can not save themselves.

And Pentiment tricks you into believing that this is a fun medieval murder mystery game where you get to play detective and takes all these hard choices and shoves their consequences in your face. There's no good outcome because it was never fair in the first place.

[horanghoe]

until it hurts a little less - part 2.II

MAIN MASTERLIST /// TXT MASTERLIST /// IMAGE MASTERPOST UIHALL [FIRST IN SERIES] /// [UIHALL - PART 2.I HERE.......]

group: TXT

pairing: Yeonbin (Yeonjun & Soobin) x Reader (Fem perspective)

genre: hybrid, angst, fluff, heavy smut, minors dni !!

word count: 39k / split into 2 posts

T/W’s : under the line

A HUGE THANK YOU TO MY FRIENDS & BETA READERS ~ Saffron & @pyeonghongrie & all of MTG and especially the furry babes: @slightlymore @raibebe @starlitmark @wooahaeproductions [extra credit for the above mb!! tysm beeeeeee] @atiny-piratequeen <3 & anyone else I have tortured with brain rot and updates

AUTHORS NOTES - Wow. Thank you everyone for your patience. This has been many many months of chipping away at a small idea to make it into a now infamous [among friend circles] 40k hybrid fic. This draft has gone through a breakup, different jobs, and different living scenarios, phew! Following from the kitty Beomgyu saga the series now dives into new and hot Yeonbin dynamics. I look forward to feedback & interest in a small cuddle pile epilogue and editing of old works to bring them up to date. Lots of love, Wren 🦝💗

Music to listen to while reading ♡ (in no particular order)

My Oh My - Camilla Cabello FT. DaBaby

Stuck In The Middle With You - Stealers Wheel

Beast Of Burden - The Rolling Stones

Whole Lotta Love - Led Zeppelin

I Want You to Want Me - Cheap Trick

No Strings Attached (Enemies to Lovers) - Backseat Vagabond

Feel free to suggest others! :>

♡ Trigger Warnings ♡

voyeurism [aka sex in a public place], intimate scenes in an open late-night diner, a third watches with consent and an invite but is named perversive for comedic effect, submissive reader, female POV reader, AFAB reader, female pronouns & genitalia descriptives, occasional degrading words/actions with active consent, height kink, size kink, slight dacryphilia scene, crying [out of the context of sex], mention of unfulfilling ex-partners, sex in the rain(?), mention of blood, sub-mode or trusting others to make decisions after sex [safe, loving, no fear here but do need to warn], choking [mild, not to the point of harm].

hybrid content such as scenting marking and knotting; themes of possessiveness and alllll the animalistic features from that.

All of the above are willing and consenting for every party present (apart from Bangchan/diner staff). If you cannot stomach voyeurism, skip about halfway and you can still enjoy the last half of the fiction. :]

Soobin took the driver's seat - Yeonjun sat, slouched, in the passenger seat of the car as agreed - shrugging off his jacket to throw into the back seat. The fox batted it past him, above you, and onto the floor. 

Boys.

Yeonjun had to breathe from his mouth upon entering. He had hissed under his breath and thoroughly resisted the urge to growl at Soobin, instead pulling his ears back while the insanely sweet smell of your wet cunt against the leather seat underneath him from hours before, and Soobin’s natural scenting of heavy cedarwood, dampened his own much lighter citrusy one. 

Much like an animal; scents worked to establish things like hierarchy, health, sex, age and physical standing within a space, for a hybrid. 

So to enter such a heavily-marked one and lose his own presence and stature in the process was quite disarming. 

Not to mention you were ovulating and smelt like God's nectar; at peak time to be bred, which he intended to take full advantage of.

It was a relatively clean car. Actually, it was very clean, considering you had only ever been in a car with 3 other males of varying states. You didn’t particularly make a habit of it, but life had worked out so that the counter now ticked up to 5.

What you didn’t pick up on, was the air con being clicked down to low, or the burning eyes that the boys gave each other. 

Yeonjun stopped it from going lower than 1 - to flush out the suffocating smells that made his cock throb already - Soobin meanwhile, remained intent on hotboxing until everybody was marked by him. Even the fox. 

A spark flew between their eyes for a brief moment, but in the back, alone with thoughts wondering, you tried to break the silence, none-the-wiser.

“So - where are we going?” Your shaken from nerves, but positively excited voice called out from behind. 

It felt small in such a big car. 

Like you were speaking openly in a cathedral. Your voice bounced back at you and made you cringe in its wake. You weren’t sure your presence was appreciated in this space yet.

You shouldn’t talk - the nerves said. You should only listen here.

Soobin peered at you in the mirror, offering a dimpled smile. You eased, if only a little. Shoulders shrugging forward.

“Wherever you want, gorgeous.” 

Warmed at the softness in his husked voice, you bashfully looked away from the mirror. 

It had started to rain. Pat pat pitter pat. Soobin rolled his window from half-mast to completely closed and started the car. 

Gentle heat - again, hands swatted to set it to increasingly low levels until it rested at level 2; warm but not suffocating - started to blow from small vents in the lush interior doors.

“Ooo - cosy.” Yeonjun yipped happily - in amusement, but mostly sarcastically - to himself.

Soobin rolled his eyes. Quickly snatching the cigarette pack from Yeonjun's busy foxish hands and stuffed them in his door.

“No smoking in my car either, you nasty street fox. I just got it cleaned.”

Yeonjun made an offended noise, yipping something about losing his lifeline, how he never got it cleaned for him, before crossing his arms and slouching further in a pathetic display of defeat.

“You’re quiet back there.” Yeonjun shot, gruffly, to the back of the car, peering behind the seat… Like a kid who just had his iPad taken away so now he had to talk to the other passengers. Reluctantly. “You made your mind up yet where you wanna go, doll?”

Truly, it was a front. 

He was restless and wanted to move away from this place to stop the ache in his chest and cock. 

Plus, your nerves were starting to bother him. 

You weren’t innocent per se, but you were an anxious prey type in need of calming, in the most physical and overriding sense. He could taste it on his tongue - maybe not as strongly as Soobin - but he was bothered by the sourness.

Four eyes drew to you in the silence.

Two from the ceiling mirror, blown wide. Two from the seat in front pinched tight.

“I don’t - I don’t - umm…” You froze, muttering uselessly before a shrug fell from you, and you writhed your hands between your knees. 

“You sure you wanna do this, Y/N?” Yeonjun questioned, carefully, with suspiciously squinted eyes. “If you wanna pull out, now’s the time to do so.”

“Yeah, I umm -” You cleared your throat. 

Squeezing your fists between your thighs, and your thighs to your fist. 

The idea of being watched, smelt, tasted, touched by these men - it was fucking you up to the point of not being able to think.

“I’m pretty sure. Yeah, I err - I think so. Yeah.”

You puffed a breath, heart hammering against your ribs. Touching your warm face and looking down to pick at your nails. 

“I want it. You. Two. You two.”

Soobin smiled to himself. Yeonjun was going to eat you up with all that coyness on full display. Soobin found it cute but knew his friend to be a little more… depraved in his tendencies. And it's true, his friend's heart pounded as his cock did. 

Soobin was a little better at making decisions for his pets, though.

“Do you want us to pick a place, little one?” Soobin asked, voice and eyes low. “Or can you be a good pet and answer our question?”

Well, Soobin had never referred to you as his pet before. And especially not in such a soft-dom way. You didn’t know how much of an effect it would have on you. 

“I’m not - I don’t know -” You tugged a little on the seatbelt across your chest, breathless. “Can we even - can we fit in this car? Can we even do that?”

Yeonjun grinned. 

“Depends how much of a rush you’re in, doll. In the car, on the car, around it. We could go back to ours? Or tag team in a hotel. Break back on the hood. And we can’t get you pregnant - as much as we’d love that - so it’s not like we need to go anywhere first. All depends on you, gorgeous.”

You shot him a glance. Only a very quick one. A bad idea for you. 

The fox had turned on the console to face you. His eyes were a burning orange, like the outside of his ears, the black in the low light swallowed by the dimming evening. He was beautiful, asking you a question, staring at you directly; and you were stunned.

You instantly shot your chin to your chest, shaking it. Forced to squeeze your hands to the seat to calm yourself against the blood pumping in your ears. 

You forced yourself to speak. Imploding at the pressure.

“The cars good!” You squeaked. “I just - I don’t know where!!”

Yeonjun laughed fully, small chitters sounding. He shuffled to sit upright and turn back into his seat, only to slide down just as Soobin slipped into gear and began rolling out onto the main road, away from the diner.

“Good job baby.” The dog grumbled, concentrating on driving. “Don’t worry, I know a place.”

“We know a place.” Yeonjun corrected. “Get comfy pet, it’s a bit of a drive.”

You puffed out a huge exhale. Lungs burning and dizzy as you melted into the seat. 

It took mere seconds for Yeonjun to note the shaking of your skin against the cool leather. 

He tugged Soobin’s jacket up off the floor and placed it on you with a wink. Before removing his outer sweater without a word, but patting it over your lap as you gratefully held it over the goosebumps. 

Surrounded by them.

Bathing in the calm, before the storm.

“We’re here,” Soobin announced to the group, after a solid half hour of fast-winding mountaintop driving between trees and sea. “Still raining. No one here as usual.”

You had pulled into what seemed to be a campsite parking lot. Probably only used in the summer; as parking wasn’t charged during the winter, according to the big red signs against nearby trees.

“You ready beautiful?” Yeonjun had smiled, his head back against the seat and watching you as you looked out the window. His voice was low, ears dipped along with his eyes. “Still nervous?”

You were nervous, but fighting it to the best of your ability. 

“Yeah - I am, a little. I’m not sure why. I trust you though, just… Something has me on edge, is all...”

Yeonjun's tongue went to the corner of his mouth in a smile.

He knew why. You were stuck in a confined space with two predators. One of them had already smothered his scent glands in your neck all evening. The other, more orange one, was aching to do the same.

He found it adorable that you hadn't yet joined the dots; or got to the stage of understanding your instincts.

“Well, I'm glad you feel comfortable enough around us to do this. ‘Bout time for you to come sit in the front, hmm?”

Your body flushed with heat, chin dipping. Yeonjun yipped a small harmless laugh. He leaned over the console with his languid torso to catch your downcast eyes.

“Come on. I don’t bite sweetheart.” He smiled. “Not a fan of breaking glass, after all. Come on, it will be fun. We stop whenever you want. Alright?”

You nodded, bracing yourself for the cold and wet sky with a puff of air before diving out the door on the driver's side and running around. The boys both clicked their seats back, and as the cold air hit his body Yeonjun held open the door and wilfully manspread to allow you room to climb over him in the space.

Although it was a little awkward to fit; you managed to bend at an angle and shuffled into the front passenger seat atop Yeonjun with altogether surprising ease. Your head hadn’t even hit the ceiling yet. Nor had you crushed the male beneath you as you feared you might. 

Then again, this car was rather tall. And long.

For a moment you were still rushing with the adrenaline you felt in the back seat. But very quickly, you realised what position you had found yourself in - agreed to, suggested - and you flushed hot under the skin.

The door closed with a clack. And suddenly there was no more room to breathe.

Within an instant, you became wary of every single movement. 

You weren’t in the safety of your comfy back-view anymore. 

No. 

Now, you were face to face with the fox. Your knees pressed to the seat between his legs, snug between the thighs that stretched taut from the pull of his crotch. He was tall, even when laying down. 

You weren’t sure where to put your hands. Or where to look. You placed them on his chest, on the seat; either way was suffocating-ly close. As you wavered above him, Yeonjun smirked. And lifted in his reclined position, cornering you on the roof of the car with wide eyes and a racing heart.

“You smell like a bunch of nerves, gorgeous. I like my cherries sweet before I eat them.”

It was a statement, not a question. And a provocative one at that. His breath washed over your face and you weren’t sure where to look. Your lungs burned from such tension until you could do nothing but stare down into his chest. 

“Breathe, Y/N.” A deep voice rattled beside you. “You’re okay.” 

You inhaled quickly, gasping some short breaths at Soobin's command. 

His eyes were dipped. And he was palming himself through constricting jeans. Your chest squeezed at the thought of him jumping your bones. And while you weren’t aware of it, the guys had started to ground you in more unfamiliar ways.

“Thank you, Binnie.” You mumbled, thankful, if a little dizzy. Still unsure where to look.

As you turned to the driver's side to thank the Pinscher, Yeonjun took aptly the opportunity to ease you into him; and found purchase on your skin. 

“Come here, my skittish little Doe.”

At first, you did resist. Mostly out of nerves.

But it soon became impossible. His pull was intoxicating; and you wanted them both, regardless of the nerves fluttering in your belly.

Yeonjun's tongue swirled hot and heavy against your ear. Biting and sucking at the soft skin of your jawline. And the moan that fell from your lips as he licked and sucked a hickey over the one he had placed before was carnal. 

It provoked a weakness in your knees that caused you to fall onto him. Like a dove falling from flight.

He caught the curve of your ass with a strong forearm, flexing his thigh to keep you up and sitting on top of him, knees pressing into the console. Your mini-skirt had pulled up high and you were just about keeping your eyes open.

Soobin groaned; infatuated with how quickly Yeonjun had pulled you apart at the seams.

“Pretty deer; no wonder you’re so scared of me.” Yeonjun purred into your skin, catching it between his teeth, “I couldn’t get this close to you in the diner. You've been smothered by a wet. Fucking. Dog.” 

Soobin growled protectively. And curled his lip in distaste. 

"Good. If you don't like it, you should scent her."

"Working on it." Yeonjun grit back.

Yeonjun licked a stripe up your neck in repeated slow lengths until he landed on your pulse. 

When you moaned and he felt the pump pump against his tongue muscle; he grinned wide, testing with a soft suck. You keened, almost breathless, and gripped onto his arm for support. 

“Found it.”

For a split second; you panicked. Aware that he could bite into and tear out your jugular with ease as such a fine specimen of a hybrid. 

Instead of his grip on your stomach growing tight, he simply gripped the hair at the base of your skull, guiding you back until your neck was revealed.

Yeonjun wasted no time in babying you as the pheromones hit his nose; instead, he set to work and nursed a newer bruise over the one already blooming behind your jaw; trailing down to your shoulder. 

He paused to lift your arms, gripping them gently to drag your small shirt off and wrap an arm over the curve of your back; secure and grounding. While he palmed at your chest with his free hand; hard nipple making you flinch as he rolled it over his palm.

You felt a little uneasy but tried so badly to ignore it. Reaching for his hand and linking your fingers. “Relax, baby ~” He purred into your ear; licking and biting at your jawline until your cunt throbbed, jaw slack and eyes fighting the close of ecstasy. “You’re so safe ~”

He considered for a moment what it was he was doing. 

What it meant for him, to scent you.

But just as quickly he dismissed his doubts; pushing the crown of his head and his ears against your throat and chest while he gently chittered. Rubbing his cheek onto your hot skin and over your shoulders. His eyes closed, and he was so gentle for you that it made your heart ache. 

Relaxing slowly into him; you slid your fingers into his hair to hold him there and rest your face on his hair. He hummed; running his lips over your collarbone. And chittered at your exhaled sigh, pulling back to see your face.

He was pleased with what he saw.

"Feeling better gorgeous?" Yeonjun checked in, dotingly. 

He swiped a hair behind your ear and neck to leave sharp-toothed kisses in his wake. He was becoming a little more messy with his kisses, now that he knew you could handle it. 

“A little more relaxed? Less on edge? Less afraid of me?"

You moaned a soft nod, accepting the kiss from the corner of your eye. "Mmhmm…" You groaned. And rested your forehead on his. 

“Junnie ~,” Yeonjun practically purred at your breathy moans, nose and lips still pressed against your skin. “I feel so much better.” His arms drew around your back, pulling your belly flush to him while he held you.

Your bodies were warm together, and the air hung thick like fog on a wet stormy day to the point that you had to open-mouth breathe just to get some air into you. Not to mention your brain felt like mush. And the windows - they were fogged thick.

“F-f-f-fuck -” You managed. 

You groaned softly and tried to shake the haze out of your mind. But it didn’t seem to budge. 

“What is this-? How did the two of you-? When-?”

You couldn’t formulate the words. But it was okay. He knew what you meant. Knew that you were asking about the heaviness in your lungs. The aching you had probably started feeling. The deep throbbing in your cunt that wet your thong at an abhorrently fast pace.

“Scented you, angel. Like Soob said; it should help with the nerves.” Yeonjun faux bit at the spot; canines scraping at your skin as he sucked tactfully. You moaned, keening towards him. 

He released all too soon; “Now both Soobin and I have a share. And you shouldn’t feel so anxious near me. Maybe even -” 

You were sure if the devil could speak it would be through the lips of Choi Yeonjun.

“- you should relax. Let me take care of you, doll.” 

Yeonjun smirked, a tooth caught on his bottom lip. He didn’t need to hear you speak, though he gave you a moment to try. The silence answered him plenty. Your legs had started to rub together for something to touch your throbbing cunt. And a hand soon found purchase cupping you over your underwear, hard-on pressed to your ass and thigh after the fox angled his hips upward.

You moaned, watching as Soobin's eyes drew to the hand slipping beneath your skirt. Before holding Yeonjun’s arm that pressed a palm against your core. You pressed down against it gratefully; sighing at the pressure that struck pleasure within your bones. 

“Junnie-” You found yourself moaning openly, with no shame in sight. Just as they liked. You whimpered for more.

Yeonjun's arm flexed in response; long fingers pressed at the wet fabric of your opening over the fabric of your underwear; only to slip his hand down further, then drag the edge of his palm back up; lip bit and watching your face as you pooled into his body. Your eyes had squeezed shut, mouth agape and moaning openly. 

“God, you’re so pretty.” He groaned, meeting the dazed eyes that turned to him. 

Your whole body practically twitched when he dragged up your clit. Cupping the jaw that reached for his face, the kiss instantly matched in intensity while you scrambled to find purchase. He pulled his hand down to drag upward and press against your clit again, and your moan caught in your throat.

“Kiss me, pretty girl.” He purred, small yips sounding from his chest. And so you did. Moving to place your forearm on his chest, meeting him for the deepest kiss yet. Encapsulated by him, until you parted and drool pooled onto his shirt. 

Yeonjun wiped your mouth, before grabbing you again, right as he pushed up hard against your cunt and dragged. You cried out, moaning into the kiss and gyrating on his palm.

Soobin was ready to burst. But God he loved you far too much to bust just yet. Instead; he did the next best thing. 

The zip and release pop of the popper that sounded beside you snapped you out of the kiss; Yeonjun tugged you up and manhandled you to press against your belly; ass to his crotch, your back to his chest and mouth attached to your neck. Small in his hold.

Soobin groaned, his lips twitching and ears pulled back. Finally, he sighed. His hand wrapped firmly around the base of his cock, releasing from the jeans with a few firm pumps. Lip bit and head rolling back with a firm groan. 

At the same time; Yeonjun's palms gripped and massaged your chest. Teasing your nipples with gentle then heavy drags.

His nose prodded at your cheek as you squirmed, forcing you to look at Soobin - as if you hadn’t been maintaining tension for what felt like hours already. 

“Sit pretty for me doll.” 

Yeonjun chuckled in a husk into your ear; sweat beading on his forehead at the struggle - both at the attempt to maintain control and the bicep strapped over your hips to keep you from moving - biting at you with a tongue-pressed devilish grin. His other hand moved to press down on your pubic bone. Not close enough. A lick into your ear made you moan. 

Soobin thrust with a deep groan into his fist, thighs tensing and in his own private mental arena. But your head had begun to throb. And it coincided with every pump of his cock. You would have put together the pieces, were it not for you being deep into a foggy mindset.

Not that you had any complaints. This felt good.

“Binnie -” You moaned aloud and at length with an open mouth, head thrown back from Yeonjun's heavy petting into the crook of his neck. 

The boys smirked. Particularly Soobin. 

Nothing could have prepared you for the impression felt as his dimples pressed his cheeks and he shook his hair, tongue caught in the side of his mouth. 

Being a young hybrid in his prime, a true example of health; his power in the car combined with Yeonjun's made your brain and cunt throb desperately. 

“Open the window, you Dog,” Yeonjun smirked at his friend, playfully twisting your nipple between his fingers; pressing his cheek and nose to your jaw. “Be careful or you’ll end up flushing her out.”

You had heard that term before when speaking to a nurse about hybrid females. When they’re scented to the point of their own temporarily disappearing, a hybrid becomes infatuated and malleable. Their equivalent to a sub-space.

Soobin's dimples deepened. “Good.” And set pace. “I want our little pet to feel it in her guts when I cum.”

He lay back, with his fist wrapped around his base and the other holding his balls, to thrust with grunts at the fastest pace you had maybe ever seen, tongue caught on his teeth. 

He was doing it to make a point. To show you that the pressing presence you had been feeling on the edges of your being, was very real. That if he wanted you to come, you would. If either of them wanted you to fall apart, they could make it happen.  

A wave of carnal desire; a pure hunger you didn’t know you were able to experience; overcame you so suddenly and so violently that your bones started to shake. Never had you been this eager to fuck. Didn’t think it was possible. 

“Wa- fu- fu - fuck, please, I wanna cum, I wanna cum so bad -” You just about cried out in plea to the fox; grip on Yeonjun's bicep under your arm almost painful.

Quickly, Yeonjun slipped a hand into your panties - using a small apology of ‘sorry, I guess forget the warmup’ and slipped his gifted-ly long fingers to slip 2-thick in a curl up to your belly, the edge of his palm swiping over your clit delightfully heavy - and reached for the window with the other, slipping it down halfway.

It didn’t take Soobin long to cum.

The sound of Yeonjun's hands slapping sloppily, palm-to-soaked-cunt, and your debauched and corrupted moans and whimpers, along with your exposed chest from all your writhing, sent Soobin on a spin. Cock thick and leaking from beginning to end.

You weren’t doing too good yourself. 

In fact; you were doing amazing.

Placated only by Yeonjun yowling gently, holding you to him and shushing against your neck. He did his best - aka, the best - to ground you. He chittered at your needy, dumb-fucked mind. Allowing you to sit up to thrust down onto his hand.

The smell of rain began to enter the car; the concern of dampness flashed across your mind before Soobin moaned.

“Ah - fuck, Y/N - fuck - you feel that?” He was near his peak, and Yeonjun couldn’t stop himself from biting his lip to moan as you essentially got yourself off on his fingers; over his long cock snug up between his jeans and your ass. 

You nodded, desperately grinding for a release, tears wet in desperation on your cheek. 

“Fuck - gonna come baby girl. You want it? Pretty girl wanna come? I could wait -”

“I want - I want it - wanna - cum - want - it-” 

The final begging pushed him over the edge. Humping atop his friend like a rabbit.

Soobin groaned, hips stuttering into three more solid pumps as you squeezed your legs shut, lying back without breathing as Yeonjun pumped his fingers as a curl with loud slaps until your cunt dripped white on his jeans. You cried out at the exact moment Soobin came in his fist, tears on your cheeks and fist white on Yeonjun's arm. Not unlike the endless amount of cum that spat from between Soobin’s knuckles, onto his legs.

If there’s one thing you did know; it’s that when hybrids cum, they cum a lot.

Your body was hot. Hips twitching and mind spiralling. Your cunt squeezed Yeonjun's fingers until they were taken out, circling the entrance until you whined, a big glob of a tear falling down your cheek in ecstasy.

“Well done, you did good,” Yeonjun hushed you. 

You didn’t react, head dizzy and grip weak. 

You flopped down onto Yeonjun's chest, willingly, to pant like you had just run a fucking mile. 

"Ngh - Junnie -"

"Take it easy, gorgeous. Catch your breath."

Both your foreheads knocked together into his kisses to bathe in some love as you recovered, head buzzing and cunt full. Eyes closed and breathing shallow. 

Soobin's movement flickered Yeonjun's ear against the seat, whooshing air into your face. He had been quiet; observing.

He grabbed, messily, a fistful of dry wipes to clean his hands with. Never particularly keen on his own cum ending up on his lips.

“Stupid mutt.” The fox hissed, still nuzzling your hair. Listening to your puttered moans and sighs. “Hope you feel better after that? Almost flushed her out completely. Then how would she of fucked? Poor thing. How do you know she even wanted that?”

Soobin peered over, post clarity striking some guilt into his chest when he was met with the vision of your fist curled into your lips and face hidden onto his friend's chest.

The rain picked up enough for Soobin to roll up Yeonjun's window from his side.

The dog scoffed, and flipped the band of his boxers back up over his cock, for the meantime. He adjusted in his seat, stretching his upper back and jaw. Satiated. Rolling his neck back on the headrest to glare, eyes low, into Yeonjun.

“She wanted it. Trust me.”

He ruffled his fringe, in the pulled-down front mirror, eyes meeting yours to the side.

“Didn’t you gorgeous?”

He tilted his head at an angle, ears flopped to the ground. He squinted at you, gauging your mood. Smile careful.

You smiled against your fingers. Instantly matched by the tongue at the corner of the hound's mouth; dimples deep as he leaned back into his seat. 

"See." Soobin chuckled. Tongue to the edge of his smile. "Baby wants it, hmm? Wants her mind to be fucked until she feels like jelly?"

You nodded. And smiled behind your hand as wide as Soobin did.

Yeonjun's glare softened and he chittered gently when you rose; elbows to his chest.

“What are you up to; pretty Doe?” The fox purred. Playful suspicion was written all over his face, tail curling around your knee. Ears back.

But you just bashfully blinked your wet eyelashes at him; and held his shoulders to grind down slowly; at the exact same time as you kissed him and pulled away. You did it again. And again, and again. Each slow, heavy drop paired with a messy, dragging kiss.

Yeonjun groaned loudly, tongue to his gum in annoyance. A muscle in his jaw ticked; a reaction you had never seen from him before. 

You rested your weight down to grind in quick motions; wetting his lap as his fingers dug into your thighs.

His eyes squinted, pupils thin as slits. 

Yeonjun gave you a sore and open-palmed warning swipe up and against your thigh; hissing at you through grit teeth.

“Keep teasing me and you’ll get a bite on your throat, dumb little pet.” 

His sharp, low voice made you smile; you were enthralled. Nerves tingling like electricity beneath your skin.

Claim marks were permanent issues of trust; a literal bite into one's skin. The idea of leaving one so obviously front-facing was abhorrent and filthy, and it suited him.

You smiled against your hand, giggling. Biting at the knuckle of your ring finger as he bucked up. Soobin smiled at you lovingly as you fell into Yeonjun's chest; cunt pressed to his crotch. He held your hips there for a moment; biting at your exposed shoulder, keeping you giddy and scent-high as he tactfully shuffled his jeans down; no underwear in sight as you bit your lip.

“You ready to get fucked dumb, our precious little fawn?” Yeonjun mumbled, then kissed your cheek; not opposed to your face hiding from him. Nose in your hair. Palming your ass so that your slick covered his cock and your thong caught between skin.

You couldn’t stop grinding; clit rubbing against his large cock and coating his length in slick. Breath small and panting. Your nipples were so sensitive between his pinched fingers; the back of your neck tingling with warmth.

“Junnie - Yes - Want it -” You moaned, eyebrows low and knuckles in your mouth, consumed. Relying on him completely.

A hand gripped your scalp; your head was tugged backwards.

“Mind if I take those panties, pet?” Soobin smirked. "Just need to do a little health check." 

The hand belonged to Soobin.

He didn’t actually want them; nor was he entirely bothered by your seemingly okay health - at least at first - he just wanted to see you shy away. 

He was getting hard again already; seeing you manhandled. And released your hair upon your nod.

He really could do a health check anyway, so what was the harm?

You nodded, moaning as Yeonjun sucked at your nipple; “Here -” Yeonjun mumbled, and gripped under your skirt from behind to begin tearing at the fabric. It took three solid rips to unhook you; soaking fabric caught by Soobin with a slop. 

Immediately, his face buried into it. You shivered at the air that hit your cunt; aware that the two of them were gifted, but surprised by the length that met you as you ground down again.

A deep, guttural growl rattled the seat beside you. And the vibrations made your muscles ripple; hips lifted via Yeonjun's grip on your waist alone; cock swiped against your dripping thighs and entrance before pressing up and into you. 

You lost your breath immediately; choking on moans as the head of his cock pressed into your warmth, a deep stretch and ache pulling towards your belly as Yeonjun sunk your hips patiently; head back against the headrest and eyes barely open.

“You better fuck her deep, and slow,” Soobin growled; eyes blown fearfully wide and teeth grit. Nose firmly inside the dripping fabric gripped in his hand; “Little fawn came to us for help on her first rut season.”

"I knew it." Yeonjun groaned. Gritting his teeth to speak. “She’s been sick and needy the entire day.”

It’s true; you had been. Fiending for attention. Grasping at them whenever you could. Burning up from beneath the skin. Sick with lust.

You sat up more; whimpering as Soobin's growls caused your entire mind to fuzz over; leaving little resistance to Yeonjun's thick, curved cock to tilt, slick dripping down his thigh. By the time you sat to the hilt; you were practically drooling.

“Stupid kitty didn’t even tell you it was happening, did he, gorgeous?” Soobin snarled. You shook your head quickly, whimpering. 

“It - we fucked through the first one, but - he said - it might come back -”

The fox wrapped his arms around your waist and held you against him with impressive strength. Pulling you to sit up higher than before. 

Yeonjun was snug in your gut, but neither wanted to proceed before checking in with you first. 

His heart pattered at the thought of you coming to them for help. More selfishly him. 

“Do you feel sick at all?” Yeonjun asked; voice incredibly gruff; holding you still. You eased into his arms; elbows over his shoulders and hands in his hair. “Any pain? Anywhere?” 

“No, Junnie.” You whimpered; shifting as he pressed a kiss to your collarbone. “I just feel so needy -”

The dog chuckled. “No wonder you've been smelling like a fucking candy shop, angel.” 

Yeonjun groaned, gripping you even closer with his biceps. “Quit squeezing me so hard for a sec doll; this is important.”

You closed your eyes, breath laboured and a warm pleasure seeped into your stomach. But you tried your best to listen and relax, for him.

“Soob - please take over. The babe’s cunt is squeezing me so tight I can't think straight.” 

Yeonjun pleaded; tone tight while he spoke.

“You’re in good hands now. Just try and listen carefully, okay?” He whispered, before sighing and burying his face into your chest. Holding on with every fibre in his being. You rested on top of his head; thumbing at the inside of his soft ears. Fuzzy and warm at his beautiful scent being so close to your face.

The dog held the underwear to his face one last time on a solid inhale before moving it only the slightest bit away.

“Do you know anything about Doe rut cycles, Y/N?” He questioned. Low, calm. 

Of course, you shook your head. And Soobin growled.

Soobin grew annoyed. Annoyed that he had to explain something so vitally important while you sat there so pretty; full of cock and trying your best to listen. Annoyed now that Beomgyu’s selfishness had reached beyond their initial sphere of influence. Annoyed that his friend had truly done the bare minimum to care for you, through the transition and out the other end.

“I’m sure you and Beom fucked recently, right?”

You moaned wistfully; a yes. 

“And it felt good; maybe better than ever before?”

“Y-yes Junnie…” You whispered, gasping as Yeonjun adjusted in his seat.

“Good job paying attention, gorgeous.” Soobin chuckled gently and grumbled a content growl. You were really trying; despite your body likely being furnace-heat and mind full of nothing but the want to be full of cum. You openly moaned at the praise.

“But it wasn’t enough? No matter what; you just couldn’t hit that spot?”

Another nod. Bashful, this time. Soobin's mind wandered, briefly. Images of you unable to satisfy yourself; no doubt sniffed out by such an incompetent fool. 

“Right. It only gets triggered once a year for you, thankfully. But a Doe’s cycle will repeat until they feel bred enough. You’ll feel like this until you get fucked dumb, little fawn. And you want it, don’t you angel? Want Junnie to come in you, fuck you slow - want me to plough you until you can’t feel those legs anymore, hmm?”

Yeonjun was, at this point, smiling in humour against your skin. Wicked in mind as your body struck the hottest he’s felt yet. Cunt tight and like a furnace around him. You were breathless. And you nodded with urgency.

“Yeah - I do Binnie, I do -”

The dog chuckled, fabric back to his nose. 

“For that kind of fucking; well… You’ve come to the right hybrids.” 

Yeonjun smirked. “Damn right.”

“That want you have, that pulsing desire seeps off of your body until one of us smells it.” Soobin groaned; fluttering his eyes shut for a second, before continuing. “The reason we would want to place a claim on such a pretty little thing. Is so you don’t get hurt. Or hunted. It’s a bond more permanent than love, Y/N. And a massive step to take.”

“I know -” You moaned; eyebrows creased. Yeonjun peered up; placing soothing biting kisses to the scent-marks on your pulse. He was becoming sensitive to your unease. “- I want it badly, Binnie. Want you both, Binnie… Wanted it since April… Since last year…”

Last April - when you had been turned. That meant that the connections between you all; had indeed been deeper than a crush. Soobin puffed a sympathetic whine. He felt your need, as much as Yeonjun did. Sharp ears dipped low.

“Since last April, sweetheart? You’ve been waiting on us all that time?” The dog mumbled, his voice dipped in a vulnerability that was as rare as gold to see.

“Mmhm…” You nodded desperately; eyes watery as your emotions dipped out. Yeonjun nuzzled you; arms tight to not tease any movements; ears folded the entire time. And you held onto his strong shoulders. “I- I love you both...” Overwhelmed by the emotions that you - all - had buried and tucked away for months. So desperate to move you felt dizzy. Slick now seeping down Yeonjun's thighs and onto his seat. 

Soobin watched you for a moment. It was so obvious now that he felt a fool. 

“You ready to make that kind of commitment, June?” The Doberman whispered, softly. “It's sudden. We don't know if it'll work out.”

“Like nothing before.” The fox confirmed; teeth grit in concentration. “It will. We'll make sure of it.”

“Good. You’ve got us both, little fawn. As long as you want us.”

You felt like crying. Ready to burst at the seams. Panting.

“Please Binnie… I need to cum… Please…” 

Soobin laughed, coming back from his mental distraction; “Good job. You can move now angel.”

It didn’t take you more than a second to start moving. 

You were simply stuffed full; head full, mouth agape. Shifting; grinding; cunt tight and heartbeat strong against Yeonjun’s cock. Your puttered sighs grew desperate as he simply held you upright. Allowing you to ride out the need for friction.

Every lift and grinding down of your hips was small in movement; more for you than him. But your cunt was flexing tight and a warmth in your muscles told him exactly how soon you were going to cum.

“So soon?” One, sharp, angled orange eye glared up at you from the nose pressed to your skin. You felt exposed. Like he could see through to your guts. 

He lifted your jaw to kiss under your chin, grip still solid on your hips. 

“Precious, needy, little cock-dumb fawn ready to burst already?”

“Yeah,” You nodded, moaning with a gasp and warmth spreading through your stomach and thighs; eyes closed and melting into Yeonjun as he curved your back with his forearms; nuzzling at your chest. 

“I need it, I’m s-so full -” You gasped, fingers gripping his shoulders as he held you down; jaw wide and sharp points against your collarbone. “Please, Junnie, feels so good -”

The fox purred, and you gasped a moan, a shiver striking down your spine and a tightness spreading through your pelvis. He had dipped; before thrusting a minimal amount.

“Come apart then, gorgeous.” He hissed, encouraging your hips to grind down on him. And you really were so, so close.

But you were holding out on him. He could tell. 

“What is it? What do you need?”

You moaned at his gruff voice; “Want a mark Junnie… Please, I need it - I want to be yours - want to be Binnie’s - please Junnie, I love you -”

Yeonjun's ears peeled back before his lip curled and irises pinched. He looked feral. Soobin nodded at his friend's side-eye for permission; granted in trust that you were a prize to share. You were warbling but stopped as soon as Yeonjun faced you. 

His look was wicked. 

Adrenaline washed over you and you pushed down until you were full of stars spattering pleasure into the back of your vision. Yeonjun kept your skull in his perfect position.

It was clear the fox was about to stick to his promise.

“Scream for me, little Fawn.”

Your breath caught as Yeonjun dove forward and his canines sunk into the middle of your neck; at the front of your throat. With experience; he had skillfully avoided piercing your jugular. 

Even Soobin tensed for a moment, but ultimately gripped his cock and groaned at the blood that split like rivers on his friends' gums; jaw locked and arms encircling your shaking form. You gripped his scalp and wide shoulders in a wicked embrace and cried out; pain muddling with ecstasy as you came hard, cunt pressing against the length inside of you; shaking, moaning, mind striking white.

To no surprise at the intensity of your orgasm; Yeonjun came as well. Very quickly you felt his cock pulse and he groaned, moaning loudly, holding your hips to jut up into you. He released thick cum in three intense loads; forcing you to move as you orgasmed, sounds lewd and wet inside the car.

Yeonjun pressed filthy wet licks to your exposed throat with a slack jaw, wide tongue and sharp lower teeth digging into your skin. There was quickly drying blood on his teeth and a wild look in his eye. But he was in control; and helped you ride it all out.

You were full of cum and slick; tensing your cunt just to see it push out over his cock and move to fuck it back in.

Your eyes pressed shut and your moans grew loud and broken. A fuzzy warmth spread through your back and thighs until you melted; burying your nose into Yeonjun's hair as he released his hold on your hair and buried his face into your chest.

He embraced you, like a hug.

Soobin growled softly, in love, once Yeonjun had eased - the bond was secured now you were smothered in his scent; nose to his scalp bringing a new sense of comfort - happy to be a part of this new unity. Your eyes fluttered open and you could do naught but make small moans. 

Yeonjun pulled away only once you did; meeting your forehead with his.

The dog hummed, patiently.

“Feel good gorgeous? To finally be stuffed full? Pretty Kit making you cum? Pretty baby-like being claimed?” 

You nodded with a moan, expression bliss-fucked, though a frown settled over your brow.

“Mhmm feels good Binnie…” You mumbled, eyes closed. But your eyebrows were drawn low.

“What is it? You don’t look convinced?” Soobin smiled, with a slight scoff. “I don’t enjoy your silence.”

You shook your head, unable to form the words. It was a warning. But Yeonjun knew. 

His nose trailed up your throat as he released the iron grip on your waist; holding you as you shook. Nose snug under your jaw; he pulled your hips forward then back to slide across his length.

“Ngh - Ah - It feels - like my skin is on fire - ”  

Your tone made Soobin look at his friend with concern. It was a moan of discomfort, and you seemed twitchy.

Truthfully you wanted to hump Yeonun like a rabbit, and you cursed the Gods for giving you such low stamina. If you thought it would have done you any good; you would’ve started panting like a bitch in heat. Oh wait, you were. 

“- my skin is burning, I’m so hot -”

“Our little fawn is in a deep rut,” Yeonjun purred. Protecting you from the dog's mood and accepting the soft knock of your head to his. He kissed your cheek and the corner of your lips delicately.

“Gyu didn’t fuck you well enough at all, did he, pretty girl?”

You shook your head and whimpered.

“She’s burning up,” Yeonjun confirmed to the dog. Tone kind, low, mute. “It’s good you invited me when you did. I don’t think one of us could have ever eased this.”

“The rut?” Soobin grumbled; a nod from the fox confirming the dog’s thoughts as they kept constant tabs on you, now they knew what was at stake. Your body and mind. You were no longer in a state to make decisions; in the most loving sense. And you trusted each other as a trio, entirely.

“When did you last sleep with him, baby?” Yeonjun mumbled, gaining your attention with pinched eyes and words spoken against your lips.

“Last month…” You managed; slurring with a heavy tongue.

"Did he make you cum?" Yeonjun purred; sharp orange eyes unmoving in your vision. 

But you were distracted by his guidance to slowly slide on his cock.

“Pay attention, baby - did he help you feel good?”

"No…" You whimpered. Shaking your head. And you hid your face in his shoulder. Weak. Sensitive. Embarrassed. So needy.

The dog hummed in thought.

“Well then - probably some built-up tension, considering how much slick is on your legs, Jun.” 

You both peered down. Soobin was right. Yeonjun’s thighs were soaked, as if a bottle of lube had dropped out of the heavens and onto his lap. The thicker slick had started mixing with Yeonjun's leaking cock; the pulsing of his head warning of an upcoming knot and squishing the mixed fluids out of you and onto the leather.

“My new seats… You guys are killing me.” The dog sighed, squeezing the fist around his cock with a loud groan.

“Do you want to cum again, love?”  Yeonjun prompted, nuzzling at the cheek that shied away from him. “Fair warning; I’m gonna knot if you keep squeezing me like that.”

You shivered; and quickly nodded, sitting up to hold his shoulders. He guided you on a slow, heavy pace that pumped you full of your own slick and his cum. Squelching filthily; with no resistance at all. 

But Yeonjun’s arms soon grew tired. Plus, he could feel you burning up.

“Turn around for me angel,” Yeonjun spoke; and guided you - dripping on his thighs as you went - to turn in the seat. “Lean on the console, it’s cold; should help with the fever.”

He didn’t need to hear you speak; nor did he expect it now. But your sigh upon resting the hot skin of your torso on the long dashboard was obvious enough. 

Your body melted into the coolness of the smooth surface against your hot skin; eyes closed as you moaned in relief and your hips circled on his cock in the mindless pursuit of pleasure.

“Better?” Yeonjun chuckled. 

You nodded, visibly eased. Face in your arms; moaning with relief on the glass dash.

“God. She looks blown out.” Soobin moaned, noting that you had stopped verbally responding; scent drunk, full and mindless beyond feelings. He guessed Yeonjun's cock had started pulsating by now; and that you were due to start drooling.

“She is.” The fox confirmed with a tick in his jaw. Soobin hummed a growl in response.

You had submitted to them fully. Mind and body. Wanting nothing more than to be fucked full until your bones ached.

“Ready?” Yeonjun prompted. You nodded. He ran his hand down your spine before guiding your hips back; elbows holding you up on the dashboard; hands spread wide but weak to the grip Yeonjun had on your hips, the love handles that you had, controlling your movement without pain.

He pressed the head of his cock to your entrance before tilting your hips forward; then back as you sunk onto him. The pace was slow. And it made your whole body tingle with pleasure. 

Eventually; after a few forward lifts and drags of him guiding you until you had worked to his size better; he let go. And spread his hands over your waist and atop your skirt.

The fox hummed, with a deep groan. “Can I take this off, little fawn? You seem to be holding onto it…”

You missed a beat; shy. 

“Do I need to?” You mumbled, unheard were it not for his hearing. Yeonjun kissed your spine with a slightly troubled frown. He shared a look with Soobin, who looked affected by your words.

Clearly, the two of you knew something he didn’t.

“I’d like to see all of you - beautiful?” Yeonjun mumbled, curiously. Thumbs patient on your heated skin. 

He wasn’t about to force you, but he understood why unwrapping that layer of yourself so quickly into the relationship would feel revealing. But for the bond to stick, it was necessary to get these things out of the way. 

“I love you. And I promise I won’t judge. Probably nothing I haven’t seen before...”

With a shaky exhale you nodded; helping Yeonjun shimmy the half-unzipped skirt up and over your shoulders, now completely bare. Upon leaning back onto the dash; he saw exactly why you had resisted. 

In the space between your hip joints sat a tail; light brown with white underneath. Yeonjun smoothed his hand to the space between your shoulder blades then back down and chittered; ears down once more.

“Nothing I haven’t seen before, pretty girl,” Yeonjun affirmed; smile wide and eyes crescented as you heaved a relieved sigh and relaxed your tense thighs once more. 

“You’re gorgeous; head to toe. Ready?”

You nodded, mostly to yourself, then began moving again. Riding him at a rhythmic, relaxed pace. Torso leaning on the dash. Thighs burning; but immeasurable to the need to move.

A sudden deep warmth spread up your lower spine, pelvis and behind; so sensitive it was almost ticklish. And your cunt gushed at each push of friction. 

“Junnie -?!” You moaned loudly at the unfamiliar spike of tingles that struck up your spine.

“Feel good gorgeous?” He giggled; finding the twitching of the muscles in your lower back entirely cute. You obviously agreed; squeezing him deep and panting for breath at the entirety of your back tingling. 

“Bet Gyu never even touched you here.” 

Yeonjun was massaging at the space above and underneath your tail, his grip on your waist helping you to move your hips; up and down in solid pumps as you intended to work until your core burned. With the promise of Soobin doing nothing but ploughing into you soon, you were happy to hump him like a bunny until you were physically unable.

You nodded; “Yeah - yes, yes Jun, yes, feels good ~”, as drunk as ever.

Yeonjun snickered and tugged at your hips; spanking you plain and wide on the ass to make your knees melt and lose pace.

Soobin groaned with a growl beside you both; vibration jittering your teeth. He seemed to be edging himself for his turn; leaking onto his fists with blown-out eyes and huffs to stay contained.

But he didn’t need to wait long; as Yeonjun was already thick and heavy inside your cunt and had started meeting your thrusts. You knew he was close when his juts were shorter into your guts but harder, and he yowled lowly with a gritted jaw and flat ears.

“Junnie -” You whined loudly, grasping for his attention, and keened a backwards bend into your hips to fuck with his head a bit more; “Want you to cum in me - want you to - use me -”

Your mewling, weak requests threw Yeonjun over the line. 

He fucked you deep and made you cry out while bouncing on his lap; waiting for you to start shaking before gripping your ass and pushing you forward and off; hot spurts of cum slopping all over your ass and lower back in thick ropes. 

To boot it all; he pulled you back onto his cock and pulled you back to sink his canines into your shoulder blade. He had pushed his cock back in at the right time; as it had started expanding, from head to base, filling you until cum slopped out of your cunt in pressured waves.

“Fuck - you’re so tight, never had a knot this good - keep going baby - keep squeezing me, fuck -”

Even as your first orgasm settled, Yeonjun was still cumming as your body quivered and burning pain spread like wildfire over your shoulder blade; holding you into an arch via your breasts that were squeezed tight. You came hard once more; cunt squeezing in waves as you gyrated and cried, tears on your cheek from pure mind-wiping bliss. 

As soon as Yeonjun’s cock deflated and he let go of your torso; you slumped forward onto the dash, hair scattered and panting for both to see. He held your hips steady, to slowly remove his cock and see you drip out onto the seat, while you placed your cheek on the glass to make eye contact with Soobin in all this sinful glory.

“You look good, doll,” Soobin growled lowly, head back and posture relaxed. His voice was gravelly and his eyes were almost black; visibly tense. “Marked up and used.”

You moaned wantonly, putty in their hands

“Wan be with you Soonie ~” You whined. Covered in Yeonjun's marks; and soon to be covered in his. 

You ached for it all.  

“I know you do, love,” Soobin growled like a purr on his lips. “We had to give Junnie his chance, hmm?”

A lesson in patience.

“Yes, Soonie.” You exhaled; head thrown back at Yeonjun's tug of your ribs; intent on scenting your new shoulder bite. A pleasing arch to view. “Yes, puppy.”

Soobin smiled. Softly, for a brief second. The name curved the dimples into his cheek even deeper before springing back.

“Feeling smothered enough yet, love? Still want to be bred fully? The scent will stick more when it’s pumped inside your pretty little cunt, I can promise that much.” 

“Yes,” You moaned; and nodded again. “Ready Binnie.”

The three of you took a moment to rest. Soobin guessed you would both be needing to go outside for the size of the cock squeezed into one of his large fists. More space to move you. He chuckled again; your wandering eyes shining in the car lights.

“Come on; let’s go outside for this one ~” Soobin hummed in amusement and got up in a relaxed manner. Kicking the last of his lower clothing onto the floor, minus his shoes.

But you moaned; and straightened up in anticipation; staring back at the fox as the driver's door shut. 

“It’s still wet outside Junnie… We’ll catch a cold?”

At your innocent tone, Yeonjun purred, ears back, eyes sharp, more feral looking than you remembered him ever being. 

That knot had tainted his mind's eye like a love drug. 

He looked up at you in what he thought was a sheepish smile; but in reality, he had chuckled deeply, with a tongue between his sharp and pink-stained teeth and bright angled eyes that left no room for innocence.

“Trust me; you’ll be needing all that space.”

Is all he offered; before the door opened and Soobin slipped his hands down to your elbows; cool against your hot, awaiting, reaching limbs.

You would be lying if you said Soobin was being gentle with you. But you would also be lying if you said you cared. You were pliant in his hold. Pulled out of the car and into the rain; senses flushed with cold air and dampness that wet your lungs. The rain was gentle in its pouring, but endless; and it could do nothing to wash away the sins that had already marked your body. You’d be smelling like them for weeks.

“Stand up.” Soobin mumbled, gruffly with yet another tug. Handling you like a familiar doll; he supported you just enough to dip his shoulder to your waist and hoist you into the air with no effort; solid hands on your thighs and cunt exposed to the sky; making Yeonjun kiss his teeth behind him in the rain. 

“Go easy on her, dog.” The fox hissed. “She won’t be able to handle one of your moods in this state.”

The fox’s reflective eyes bounced against the dark colour of the car and struck a nerve deep in your soul. Soobin rolled his eyes, but made a sound of agreement; pushing the door shut with his hip.

“Yeah, sure.”

He didn’t say anything to you while walking around the car, but your heart was hammering in your chest; pumping blood down toward your brain and making you dizzy. 

Soobin set you down in one quick motion; back pressed to the long wet hood of the car. Your hair fanned and quickly stuck to the wet surface, body shadowed by his. You inhaled a large heave of breath; hands immediately finding purchase on his shoulders, in his hair, on his neck.

He was so close, and warm, and he smelt like home.

“You’re doing so well, angel,” Soobin growled gently; and wasted no time in moving. He seemingly didn’t want to wait or hold back and you didn’t blame him, after waiting so patiently for so long. 

“Did Jun knot for you, love?” 

He dipped his head to lick from between your chest to up under your chin, acknowledging your soft whine and nod of confirmation - but the new mark of indented teeth, puffy and sore on your neck, stopped him from moving any further; and his mind flashed white at the feral need to suck and faux bite over the other partners' markings - your innocent moans pattered and echoed in the night as he pressed onto your body against the hood. You felt weighted, safe, and secure.

“Y-yes Binnie… Felt good…” You mumbled, shy.

“I bet.” He chuckled softly. No jealousy in his tone, to your surprise. “He must have been holding back for you, love - it was super quick.” 

You were going to acknowledge and agree with this act of nicety; were it not for Soobin moving down your body with his lips to suck a bite into the thin skin between your chest over your ribs. You could happily die like this. Being gnawed on by a dog in the cool of the rain until your purity was sapped and you became theirs.

He would ask you if you were cold - if you wanted to put his or Yeonjun’s jackets on - but your skin was burning with rut fever. He could feel it on his tongue; his skin. The way you melted against him like honey and raised his body temperature; pressing his body weight on top of yours until your knees tucked up and your ankles crossed over his lower back. 

He couldn’t help himself; pulling back up your torso to bite at your oesophagus in a way that made you keen with a moan up and into his body.

“Binnie - leave Junnie's mark -” you pleaded, gasps pattered and cunt pulsing at the dog's selfish scenting. “- you can make a new one -” Soobin growled; but acknowledged your plea and moved to dip down to your crotch. 

Rain hit your face when he moved away, and you made a quiet noise of surprise.

Before you could say anything; Soobin's hands were on the back of your thighs to encourage them up; already acutely aware of what you needed. “Cover your eyes,” Soobin growled into the back of your thighs; sucking hickeys until his knees hit the ground and he tugged you down to the edge of the hood. 

The two of you were on the driver's side; Yeonjun's view was muddy from inside of the wet glass, but apparently good enough that he sat with his head back and lazily jerked himself off. 

“With your forearm.” Your hip bone vibrated; bringing back your attention.

You followed his instruction; and covered your eyes with both arms.

But quickly gripped Soobin’s hair between your legs with one; as Soobin swiped his wide, flat tongue up your cunt and underneath your clit. Like a thirsty hound, he lapped at your folds; sucking and growling at your sensitive cries before spitting his full cheeks of cum and slick back out onto your abdomen.

He dipped again, holding your legs as you twitched and moaned at the way he gyrated his tongue; moving in circles under your clit until your gut twisted and you squeezed more liquid out; caught readily by his open jaw that lapped it into his mouth.

It was a filthy, revolving process; but he wasn’t going to give up until you begged, or had no nectar left to push back out.

“You taste fucking beautiful, little deer.” 

Soobin growled after spitting the thick stringy liquid onto your cunt; only to wipe his mouth on your thigh and repeat.

“Y-yeah?” You whined, hips twitching at each sensitive lap up into your hole. But his grip was strong, and you weren’t going anywhere.

“Mhm -” Soobin groaned; sucking with a slack jaw at your cunt; tongue lapping up against your entrance and dipping barely inside to tease you before pulling away with a grunt. Spitting onto the soft of your belly to see it drip down your hips and stay there in a little pool. “Thick, sweet cherry. But Jun’s citrus is in there too. My new favourite taste.”

He dipped again; lapping until you squealed and your cunt pushed out more of the warm sinful mix. He growled lowly; letting it drip out onto his tongue, before spitting so quickly to catch the rest of it, that a string splashed up your torso and dripped over your ribs onto the car.

“Ngh - really Binnie? Even - even with - Junnie?” 

Your breath was becoming laboured. Short, sharp and desperate. 

Soobin pointed his ears up, more towards your face and away from your squelching core. You were talking about Yeonjun's cum; painted on your stomach, on your back, mixed with your slick, all over you. The hound growled a pleasant hum in thought but answered without hesitation. 

“Particularly with Junnie’s spunk inside and all over you, love. The two of you were made for each other.”

“Make that three, Binnie ~” You whined, releasing his hair to grip the hood. Trembling. Twitching. Sensitive.

“Sure.” He chuffed in agreement. “The three of us go well together.”

He pulled the flat of his tongue up underneath your clit; and wiggled it until you cried and twitched; open mouth kissing and sucking the squeezing, slopping drip out of your cunt. 

He wondered if it would ever end.

“Mmm -” He grumbled. The next spit was lazy and connected to his chin as it dripped onto your pelvic bone. “I’ve always been a fan of nice, hot, cream pie.”

Soobin chuckled a reasonable amount to himself for that one. It was more like a fruit medley, but you truly did smell and taste fucking delectable, and he couldn’t believe he was able to experience such a thing in this lifetime. 

You were too far gone for the joke to hit; so your innocence softened him. He connected his fingers with your own outreaching ones. Lapping a few tester swipes into your cunt.

“Ngh - Binnie - please - ah -”

That was enough teasing. You had started to beg, and that was all he wanted. He just wanted to have his fill. To make sure he had the power (and you, the submission) to cry out his name. Plus; Yeonjun had already worked you open; you just needed an even bigger stretch. And he didn’t want you out in the rain for too long, just in case.

You smiled bashfully to yourself with butterflies as he prodded around your skin with short nips and a pressing tongue. He was trying to find your pulse. And knew he had got it when you moaned; twitching at the bite on your inner thigh.

“Bite.” Soobin forewarned, soft and calm in tone.

Your slick and Yeonjun's cum had melted on Soobin's tongue; sticking to his gums as he sunk his teeth into the soft flesh of your thigh. It was a lot less intense of a scratching pain than Yeonjun's; this one was placed with love, and he was slow and gentle. His teeth were bigger and sunk in deeper, but they were blunt at the tip. Whatever infection you would usually be worried about, was dissipated in this state of lust and submission. 

He broke the skin with a grunt and growled in comforting waves as you whined, and reached for him. He closed it gently too; kissing, licking, peppering the area with praise until the wound closed to stop bleeding.

“You’re doing so well, gorgeous,” Soobin mumbled against your skin; before losing himself in the process of scenting your thigh with his cheek. His eyes closed and his tall pointed ears folded to his dark hair, dimples and a pleasant flush to his skin visible even in the rain. “I’m so proud of how well you’re bonding with us. Who would have ever thought? A doe, a fox, a dog.”

He opened an eye to smile up at you, to meet the reflective doe eyes that peeked up at him underneath your forearm. Your expression was shy, but you would be brave for him. And shared a gentle moment of love.

He pulled away from your thigh with a groan, rising from the ground. 

“On your stomach please angel.” Soobin guided, gruffly. “Let’s get this rut fucked out of you, hmm? Pretty girl? Then some loving, when we take you back to ours? Yeonjun can sit with you in the back on the way there.”

You giggled; and nodded with a drunk smile. Soobin squeezed your hand before releasing; gripping your hips to flip you over; leaning over you afterwards so his longer arms entrapped you. 

He placed his hand between your ear and shoulder; you gulped at the idea of being unable to move once he started; remembering the way he ploughed into his fist with absolutely no remorse.

“Want me to make it quick? Or do you want to ride this one out? It’s your rut gorgeous, so you tell me.”

You would’ve loved to answer immediately, but Soobin was swiping the head of his cock up and down your slit and pressing into your entrance. You moaned in a long whine as Soobin spat onto your joined bodies before pushing his long, thick cock up into your tight, warm cunt. It was a stretch from entrance to belly, and you shook in pleasure while he paused and waited for your body to accommodate. 

“Fuck - you take me so good baby -” Soobin groaned, holding himself up with strong back muscles once he had hit your tight muscles; thrusting shallowly to get rid of the last excess cum taking up space inside of your walls. He was already leaking, and even Yeonjun from inside the car could smell his heavy woody scent inside your gut. 

“One thing’s for sure -” He groaned, shallowly thrusting to hear you choke, rain on his back dripping enough for him to shake his head. He dipped to heave hot air onto your cheek, steaming in the winter air, growling lowly. “- I’m going to knot so tight inside your pretty little cunt, my tiny little doe, you won’t be able to go anywhere without us for the next month.”

You gasped; crying out at his filthy words of warning and his sudden abrupt jut up into your gut. “O-oh -” You whined, flexing your feet to press against him. He hit deeper than Yeonjun. And you imagined you wouldn’t be taking his cock this much, if at all, were it not for the slick and the cum and the being already-knotted-in. Your body relaxed even more in submission, and he pressed one final time until he hit your cervix.

“Quickly Binnie,” You puttered. “Please, want it quickly, I need you, please…”

It was done. 

Your wish was his command and he was happy to oblige.

Soobin placed his hands above your shoulders and spread his palms wide to steady himself and keep you trapped; key anchors to help him thrust like the gods depended on it. Each thick pull and pump against your tight hot walls made you cry out and curl your toes in mind-melding delight. Contracting all the way through until his cock began to twitch and swell. 

Something about it. Something about this scene.

Something about Soobin thrusting into you so hard that the car jolted on every second exhale. 

Something about your body going numb with pleasure; guts ploughed, fucked full of thick squelching cum until your stomach swelled. 

Something about your bare skin squeaking on the wet hood of the car, gripping him, and any corner to stay sane.

Moaning; crying so loud for only the forest to hear.

Until your cunt pulsed and you came hard, and slow; melting with shivers into the cool metal of the car, craning back to reach him.

Soobin lowered himself as you fell apart. His toned chest covered your back and he buried his face into your neck, encapsulating you. His elbows hit the hood and he held your shoulders from underneath you as his thrusts became more and more abrupt until they hurt; smacking your cervix and making you shake. 

He thrusted in deep low ruts until your insides almost split from pleasure; cum pressing out in waves down your thighs and sliding off the river of rain onto the gravel.

Then finally, his knot began to swell. 

The base flared and he pumped you full of cum until you were stretched to your limits; stomach bumping with the pressure; seeing stars, milking him and breathless. You moaned, and you whined and you pressed up against him with a twitching body; so much that Soobin held you tight.

You were finally satiated.

Your mind was clear again.

Finally; release.

For the first time in possibly weeks, you felt cold. You hadn't realised it had been that long until you felt it. Like the sudden Autumn chill after Summer had gone, the goosebumps were clear and quick. 

Soobin expected it; the sudden drop in your body temperature that is, as he sheltered you from the shower of rain that pattered into a slow stop. His ear flicked, and he nuzzled your cheek. Along with your body temp dipping; you had stopped moving and whimpering.

“Feeling better angel?” Soobin huffed, patiently. “The rains stopped. So has your heat.”

You were spent. Blinking back into the world. You were only able to nod.

He kissed your cheek with praises that you couldn’t quite decipher and moved on strong arms to pull out, plugging your hole with three fingers before gesturing to Yeonjun in the car to grab the wipes in his dash and console. The car door opened, and you rested against the metal with half-closed eyes as a large cloth - spare and unused for cleaning the inner windows for condensation in the winter - was thrown over the car and into Soobin's reach. Yeonjun got back in for a moment to hide the unsightly mess he had made all over the seat.

You were surrounded by them. Their scents, body, warmth. And you felt safe. For the first time since the accident; you could let go again.

“Fucked you like you needed it, hmm, little Doe? Let's try not to make a habit of that. I don’t want to see you that sick, hopefully ever again.”

Soobin ran his nails over your small sensitive tail to un-matt some of the fur that gelled together after the cum and the rain. He patted it when it shook, body language to stop, and made a mental note to help you with personal hygiene surrounding your tail later - as no doubt Beomgyu barely even looked after his, let alone coached you with yours.

"'m- 'm- c-cold, Bin," You jittered, nodding, but confused. Fucked silly and weak. “‘m great, but c-cold…” 

You flinched harshly as he wiped around your lower abdomen still pressed to the car, and Yeonjun’s dried cum on your lower back. Soobin once again knelt to the ground to quickly lap at the space around your labia to swallow what he could, before rising and swiping his mouth then your inner thighs with the cloth.

"I know, gorgeous," Soobin grumbled affectionately, wiping the last of the slick from between your legs. "Jun will sit with you soon." 

You failed to connect the dots. Why would that even matter? But you would soon come to realise; that there was a reason why foxes could stay out in the cold for so long.

“Stay there angel. Don’t move without our help.” Soobin ordered. He retreated for a moment, shuffling around in the car, trying to look for something. Disposing the rag into a box that would disguise the scent for now, enough to get home and burn it.

Such a simple distance made your heartbeat patter. You released a small whine, coughing as it escaped unexpectedly, and the other guardian nearby - watching and waiting - answered the call immediately. 

The car door opened, and the fox timidly cantered out to sit on the hood of the car next to you. His hands in his pocket. Head tilted with a concerned but lovingly amused expression.

He brought his soft palm to your spine and brushed over your cold rippling muscles and tail. A disapproving hissing sound escaped between his teeth. Your skin was lower in temperature than earlier. Not ice cold, but dipping quickly, and compared to how hot you had been burning up, it was a shock.

You rose on extremely weak forearms and accepted Yeonjun’s aid as he tugged you to sit up and lean into his side. He held you up by an arm around your waist and your face rested on his broader shoulder. You practically folded into him; arms in his lap, limp.

"You still with us, little Doe?" Yeonjun mumbled, kissing your eyes. 

He kissed you wherever he could, and brushed the hair out of your face to check your condition, thumb over the height of your cheek. But he quickly saw that you were okay. That Soobin hadn't ruined you like he had been concerned about. You had just been fucked silly and needed some love. 

“Floating away, little one?” He eased into a one-cheeked soft smile. 

You nodded, melting into him the best you could at this angle. 

“That’s okay.” He mumbled. “I’ve got you. You’re safe. Close your eyes.”

He was so warm. So delightfully fresh smelling. So comforting to be near. So you trusted him, his enveloping voice, and shut your eyes.

"You truly did fuck the rut out of her, hmm?" Yeonjun spoke while looking to you; but turned his head. "I'm impressed."

You peeled open an eye. But the question wasn't aimed at you. And you started joining some tired dots. 

Soobin shrugged nonchalantly behind the car door, shuffling his jeans back up his toned legs and chucking his belt into the back seat. There was little to no weakness in his knees; surprising given the workout, knot and release that had just happened. Such was Soobin. The guy was trained to be this way. He was bred for it.

"Sure - it's nothing. She was burning up and needed it badly. Happy to help out."

"She sure did." Yeonjun hummed in amusement. Taking a moment to run his nose over your hairline and kiss your forehead, aware of your shivering and jittering teeth next to him. 

The sex was a kindness that either of them would do again; the bonding was something more personal and securing on the relationship between the three of you. 

"I take it you're going to be having a word with Gyu, at some point?"

Soobin growled audibly and shook off the immediate irritation of hearing his name by slamming the back-end car door with a snarl. You didn't even flinch, Yeonjun noted, watching the doe eyes that fluttered on his shoulder. His hand strayed to tuck your hair behind your ear, thumb pressing over your cold cheek. Releasing once you pressed further into him.

"Yeah." Soobin grit. "Can't believe he'd let her suffer like that. And for that fucking long. Man's sick, and twisted, and needs to be given a heads up on Hybrid-decency."

Yeonjun hummed to muse his words, but no matter the tone, he knew it was just Soobin's protective anger talking. 

"Not always as simple as that Bin, you know that." 

Yeonjun sat so patiently as you reached for him. As Soobin raged your fists curled into the curve of Yeonjun’s waist. Your face drifted closer and closer to his exposed neck until you huffed for him to come closer. Yeonjun leaned in, and ran his fingers through your hair, pressing his finger pads over your bites to check they were closed, holding your cheek, keeping constant tabs on your heartbeat and your breathing. 

You were so cold. He was eager to get you back to their den, as soon as he could. You needed to find a place in your new home. Because that’s what this was now; a new beginning. One of guidance, loyalty, calm and trust. 

You would never fall when they were there to hold you up.

Soobin huffed a sigh and released his shoulders.  

"Yeah. I just wish he would have told me sooner. Would have been a lot easier. A lot less suffering. A lot less of her, suffering alone, confused, blue-balled, afraid - I mean - can you imagine June? All of that tension and self-restraint on your first rut… I would have gone insane, Jun! Fucking wild!"

Yeonjun shrugged. Lips in a pout. 

"But; she didn’t, and he did tell you, eventually. Hence us all being together tonight. You never know, maybe he was insanely stressed about it. Maybe he didn't know exactly… what to do, how to help her out. You know as well as me that they’ve been having issues, pup. Sometimes things just don't work out. Seems to have gone that way, sooner than we realised."

Soobin passed the shirt in his hand between his palms, sulking.

"You know what he's like, Bin. A chronic worrier. Would rather bury his head in the sand until it's too late. Let's just be thankful that we - that you - caught it when you did. Could have gone a hell of a lot worse. Ain't that right doll? You're all good now, hmm? All good with us from now on?"

Soobin looked up to see Yeonjun's forehead meeting your own tired and dazed one. The hound blinked out of his anger and his chest pained. Yeonjun’s irises had contracted, and his ears had softened, and he allowed you to watch his beautiful amber eyes until you laid your cheek back onto his shoulder; submissive, trusting, calm.

You weren’t listening to their discussion, but that was more to the point. You had come to them for aid and they had answered. Beomgyu had tried, but it wasn’t meant to be. Such is life.

No anger can stay strong in the presence of all that love.

“I’m glad we stayed with her,” Soobin grumbled, ears softening, eyes downcast. Tail pressed between his legs. “I’ve been so worried since the accident. She needed so much love and Beomgyu just… didn’t know what to do with all of that. I’m glad we found out, I just hate to think we could’ve helped sooner.”

Yeonjun purred softly. Soobin meant well. He just found it hard to take action in the right way. Or speak before he moved. Or articulate exactly what it was he was feeling. They were opposites in this sense. Yeonjun was sharp and swift by nature; born to survive no matter what. Soobin was bred to be brash and bold; to frighten and intimidate and to conquer. 

Both needed each other for balance. Both of them needed you, to teach them new things.

"Exactly. What’s done is done. I’m proud of you for staying by her side and not rushing things.”

Soobin peered up at Yeonjun's softened voice and whined softly. He tilted his head and his tail patted in a display of affection. He looked to the floor as he spoke his troubles with a weak tenor.

“How are we going to fit all of her stuff in the apartment, June?”

Soobin's voice was stuffed full of emotion. Yeonjun's ears folded this time, and his own tail patted. He held out his hand.

“Come here, Bin.”

Soobin shuffled toward you both, eyes stuck on you until he reached Yeonjun. The fox slipped his hand to Soobin’s elbow; kissing the hound's cheek, then rubbing his ears on the parts he could reach, small chitters causing you to open your eyes. Soobin pressed a hand onto the crown of your head and kissed your hair. The three of you were connected and in love.

“It doesn’t matter, pup, we’ll figure it out. We’ll talk with Beomgyu soon. But she’s ours to worry about for now. Like, right now. She needs to be in a warm den, Soob. Let’s hurry and get her back to ours before she starts to panic.”

"Yeah," Soobin cleared his throat with a nod. "Here - she can wear this." 

Yeonjun accepted the fabric passed to him. A large, white, gym shirt, lightly used. Yeonjun was quick to release Soobin's elbow; burying his face in it with a low yowling groan, rolling his eyes, swearing under his breath.

"Fuck, smells good pup."

The dog smirked with a slight roll of his eyes. Touched by his open admiration. Yeonjun loved his scent, and would often bury himself in it, whenever Soobin allowed. The dog combed his fingers through Yeonjun's dishevelled black and orange hair; avoiding the gel spots to scratch behind his companion’s black-tipped ear. Yeonjun shut his eyes with a shiver and a chitter.

"Can she sit in the back with you?" Soobin grumbled, smoothing the fox’s hair back in place to then move away; opening the driver's door and closing the boot in one long, swift line of motion. The dog was big, after all.

"Sure. Of course." Yeonjun nodded, delicately. As if he would leave you to sit by yourself. 

Yeonjun turned to stand and help you move in the light of the campsite lamps. He held you steady as he went, and admired your half-closed eyes and softly postured lips. You were shivering, and drowsy, just about paying attention to his tactile guidance, let alone his voice. Deer pupils blown out to the corners of your mind.

"Come on, arms up for me baby-doll. Let's get you warmed up." 

Yeonjun moved to shuffle the shirt over your head and it fit like a mini dress. And, Yeonjun was right, it did smell good. Some hints of cologne, but mostly Soobin's natural scent.

"Where is… Binnie…" You moaned absently. 

"Right here gorgeous." Soobin chuckled. He was leaning on his door with his long arms, watching as Yeonjun shuffled you forward, ready to carry you into the warm seats with him. “You want me instead?”

Your face heated in embarrassment when you processed what had happened. You didn’t mean to call out for him so openly. You were just thinking he was with you one minute, and then gone the next - 

“No…”

The boys chuckled.

"Arms please, cutie," Yeonjun whispered, closer to your face, obscuring your line of vision and waiting for you to hold his neck. He was moving carefully and slowly so you didn’t startle, but he hadn't expected you to miss his command completely. 

He chuckled at the rubbing of your cheek against his and began purring at you. Your attempt to scent yourself on him. It was simply adorable. Messy, as you followed your nose, but he stayed still for a moment until you felt comforted enough and melted into his shoulders.

"Thank you, baby." Yeonjun purred - thank you for scenting me - and gently gripped your arms to place them around his neck. He hummed, scooping under your ass and lifting you onto his hip in one quick motion with unreasonable ease. 

He carried you to the passenger side back door, Soobin's hand to your head as the boys exchanged a forehead bump and Yeonjun dipped with you in his hold. He shuffled so his foot was on the console; one knee up to stop you falling backwards. Arms encircling you and pulling up the coats from the floor to rest over your legs.

You shut your eyes right as Soobin flicked the inner car lights off; in a dreamlike state. 

The car was heavily scented; to the point of discomfort for the Canidae. But the inside was warm for you, and that was the most important thing. The boys could risk a stray boner to keep you happy and comforted; as these next few hours would determine the rest of your bonded life together. However long it may last.

"Junnie -" You moaned airily, calling for him. "F-feet…" 

You tried to speak, but couldn’t form the words. Your brain was empty and your tongue was heavy in your mouth.

Yeonjun chittered and pressed a kiss to your cheekbone. His warm palms pressed at your ice-cold feet, gauging temp. He made a noise of shock and answered you before you could even explain. Yeonjun covered your feet with his tail. The same bushy-tail foxes would use to fight the cold of the night. The fur warmed your feet instantly and you chuffed in delight, eyes closed and body liquid in his hold. 

"Better?" He hummed in amusement. You were speaking non-verbally; without deer ears, it was hard for them to track your emotions, but the soft puts of air and gloats helped them immensely.

You nodded but made a soft noise like a deer in distress. You wanted to be in a warm bed, under covers, surrounded by them. You didn’t need to speak, he understood your discomfort already.

"I know." Yeonjun purred back with a laugh, pressing hot airy kisses to your ear. "You’ll be home soon, doll. Relax your body, I can take it. Lean into me."

You wanted to meld into him. So you did. You dropped your face to his warm neck and released the tension in your thighs. Nose directly in the crook of his neck, and moaned softly. His arms squeezed you to him gently, and his tail curled in the squeeze of an embrace.

"Get some sleep angel. It's a decently long drive." 

"Cold… " Your quiet voice was so strained in an effort to speak that Yeonjun yowled with a heaving heart. He kissed your hair; combing through the wet as best as he could. Holding the coats to your skin.

Soobin smiled, watching you through the mirror. Your tired face had a crease in its centre; brows creased, eyes shut and nose pressed to his baby boy's skin. He was doing such a good job of caring for you. Soobin's heart beat heavily.

"You'll be alright, Y/N. It's just - the fever’s gone - for a little while at least. You'll be burning up like a furnace and humping the air again in the morning, probably. Would be surprised if it lasted longer than another day. Just takes a while to get it out of your system."

You nodded in response; light and accepting.

"Are you warm enough, love?" Soobin spoke softly. Voice low, dimples deep and eyelids dipped. 

Yeonjun chittered, and his ears pulled back. He looked shy, in a way you had never seen before. And you felt the beat of his heart pick up, Adam's apple bobbing.

"Sure am." He smiled. Even his voice - he was quick, eager to answer, and coy. 

"Good. Feeling okay?" 

Yeonjun nodded shyly again. 

"If you start feeling the effects of the rut, just let me know. I can take over."

Another timid, gentle nod.

"Thanks Bin-Bin. I think we're okay back here, for now. I may need a break when we get home though." 

"No problem." Soobin's dimples deepened with his smile, throwing in a wink. "Let's go. You’ll have to excuse the mess at home Y/N. It’s only ever been us two guys living together, after all."

Oh, how all your lives were due to change.

MAIN MASTERLIST /// TXT MASTERLIST /// IMAGE MASTERPOST UIHALL [FIRST IN SERIES] /// [UIHALL - PART 2.I HERE.......]

well would you look at that: updated 5/DECEMBER/2023

[daphnedauphinoise]

Daphne,

Please would you mind sharing your foot care routine, my winter feet are in a dire state

Xx

No problem :) I actually need to get back into this old routine. Here is the routine from my drafts:

1. Cutting your nails

I won't say I am a woman who get embarassed or can be embarrased but I don't think I can ever live down the humiliation of when I turned up to my podiatry appointment and my podratist took one look at my nails and say 'I think I will cut them for you'. She did explain to me that though I had cut them, I still left them too long and long toe nails is a bad foot practice but oh my god, never again! I know it sound wierd but there is a correct way to cut your toe-nails and it is straight across. Any fancy shapes might lead to ingrown nails and they are painful.

I find toenails to grow quite slowly so I cut my every two weeks but I tend to fully clean my toenails at least weekly. You should not be letting those black fuzz under your toenails grow. Letting your shower water run inbetwee you toes is not enough and you should be using soap and a nail brush whenever you shower to clean your feet.

2.Foot Soaks

Epsom salt

Vinegar

I try and do these foot soaks weekly as they are actually really good at relaxing you. I just get a bucket and put the same about of salt ratio as I do in pasta water and let my feet rest. You don't really need anything fancy as epsom salt works just fine, but it does have to be epsom salt. This is because epsom salt is a mixture of magneusim and sulfate so it will actually do something for you (relax your muscles and cramps etc). I also like to add one cup vinegar as well to my foot bath. Vinegar has anti-bacterial properties so adding this makes it hard for bacteria to grow on your feet.

3. Foot Exfoilation

Cheap face scrub

Pumic stone

Exfoilating foot mask

This is where we will get rid of the dead skin cells. There are two ways you can go around doing this: physical and chemical exfoliation.

I don't think you need to buy any designated foot srub because they all tend to work the same. Personally, I just buy the £2 St Ives face scrub but use it on my foot. After I have soaked my feet, I dry them just so they are damp and I scrub the hell out of my feet.

For chemical peels you can either use some sort of peeling acid or a exfoilaiting sheet mask. The common peeling acid that people use is the Ordinary acid one and I find to be good for the skin around your toenails.

I like using an exfoliating foot sheet mask as well but this is probably every 6 months at the earliest. A lot of these sheet masks get marked up and some sites and brands sell these for £20 and again, there is no need to pay this much. Your local saver beauty store or poundland/dollar tree should have them for around £1-£2 and that is the only amount anyone should be spending on these. Reminder, you really do not want to over-exfoliate your feet. Your feet is meant to have hard skin because it serves a purpose for your body and health.

4. Moisturising

I think you get the point by now but, you don't need anything fancy. I think of my massive tub of Vaseline as an equivalent to the Holy Trinity and I use that. At night, just before I am about to sleep I mix vaseline and a thicker moisturizer (body butter works amazing too) and I massage my feet with the mixture. Foot massages are actually very important for your overall health. Then, I pop on some fuzzy socks and I sleep.

5. Beautifying your feet

After you do all this your feet should look nice and pretty but if you want to take it a step further you can make sure your toe nails are nice too. I like taking off the hardened skined around my toe nails which one of the tools I mentioned in my nail routine post.

I would never suggest or encourage anyone to go get a pedicure so I myself, just do everything at home. For sanitaion reasons, I don't like using the same nail polish that I use on my hand nails on my toe nails and nail salons are just so so unhygenic.

I heard a feet pic seller once say (from an old magazine) that what earns her the most money is either a french manicure or soft pink nails. So that is what I do :)

I am really going to emphasize this here, you don't need anything buy anything. Literally, everything you need to make your own foot routine, you can find in your home already. Should you want to buy anything, there is no need to spend anything more than £5 per product ( though you still wouldn't see me do this) and buy something you can use for many other things eg. vaseline.

If you have any concerns regarding your feet, do go to a podraitist as they can help. Make sure you are always wearing comfortable shoes and that you are walking properly.

Anyway love,

Daphne xoxo

[cameronprincess]

Hot Showers and Cold Bleach

Warnings: Strong Language

Authors Note: this has been sitting in my drafts for 2 months now and i’m so proud of this one!! i simply can’t wait for this universe to have its moment. hope you all like it as much as I do!!

——————

April 11th 2019

Kalani already had a strong regret facetiming her mother and father Anna and Marcus back home in New Jersey as she packed for her trip for Coachella with her longtime boyfriend, Micheal and his bandmates along with Luke and Ashton’s girlfriends Sierra and KayKay.

Roy, one of Calum’s friends is tagging along as well with the group.

Kalani and Micheal have been together ever since the infamous Bali trip the boys took in 2016. Even though he was secretly subscribed to her youtube channel from 2014 and she was his celebrity crush. He made that apparent in every interview he was asked that question.

She knew some of her good friends who were going and gave her a free ticket to go. Kailani and Micheal originally just wanting to hook up that whole week and never talk again until they realized their feelings and have been together ever since.

Her old youtube vlog of that trip has clips of the two shamelessly flirting with one another that they look back upon now and laugh.

She held up one blue bikini, one red one, and a pink one and quickly shoved them in her bag until her mother’s Jersey accent rang through.

“What the hell are those pieces of fabric??” She demanded.

“‘My bathing suits?” She shrugged walking over to her vanity to pack her makeup in her travel bag.

“Those are not a bathing suits. That’s rags colored in dye.” She said making her brunette haired daughter chuckle and roll her eyes.

“Mom, no one in Coachella is gonna see my birthday suit.” She responded looking at her mom’s disgusted face on the MacBook screen.

“Well other than Micheal!!” Her dad’s voice interrupted her trying to figure out what shade of foundation to bring. She never knew how tan she’d get in the different climates and it would be a monstrosity if she posted on YouTube or Instagram and her face was 4 shades lighter than her whole body.

“Shut up.” She chuckled as she packed a Fenty Bottle and Makeup Forever bottle.

‘Praying these are right’ She said a silent prayer.

Ana waved noticed Michel standing in the doorway holding Southy in his arms with Moose and her cocker spaniel, Sadie trailing behind him. Kailani turned around seeing him.

"You're like a cat. How did I not hear you." She smiled at her boyfriend who shrugged taking a seat on their shared bed.

"Hi Mrs. Smith" Micheal waved with Southy's paw making Kalani smile.

"Micheal honey you can call me Anna. I've told you this for 2 years now. The whole Mrs thing makes me feel older than I am."

“If the shoe fits then wear it momma.” She joked making Anna give her the bird.

They bid their goodbyes as she had to go, tired of hearing Micheal trying to wrestle the dogs to do what sounded like a trick.

“I’ll finish packing tomorrow before we leave. I have all my clothes packed just not bathroom stuff but it’d be pointless to pack them now.” She ran her fingers through his fringe as she sat on his lap.

“We should bleach my hair again before Coachella.” He suggested squeezing her ass. She knew what he really wanted.

“You just wanna fuck me under the shower.”

“Not completely, I also want my hair washed but that doesn’t sound bad either.”

“Fine.” She climbed off his lap and sauntered into the connected bathroom.

****

Kalani and Micheal stood underneath the warm shower water as she lathered some sort of deep conditioner with keratin and special oil designed for faux blondes in his hair before she could bleach it again if she wanted to make sure it was completely clean.

"The bottle said to wait 5 minutes before you can wash it out." She repeated the instructions on the purple bottle.

His hands wandered down her hips and close to her ass as she gave him a pointed look.

"That’s not what we're here for." She pointed her finger at his chest

"Y’know you could wash my hair since I was such a good girlfriend by washing yours and about to bleach it." She batted her full lashes at him who playfully rolled his eyes before turning Kalani towards him and lathering shampoo to wash her curls.

Small talk was the only thing that you could hear in the bathroom other than the running water.

They washed out all the product out of his and her hair before wrapping herself in a warm towel while Micheal stepped out of the bathroom to grab the hair dye and another towel.

He's been dying his hair ever since he was 16. He would consider himself a pro but likes when Kalani does it for him.

She grabbed the t shirt off of the counter that she stole from Micheal and her panties while she squeezed the water out her hair and threw in some deep hair mask to throw it up in a curly bun.

Micheal rolled the chair in front of the bathroom mirror and placed the dye in a bowl as Kalani read the instructions.

She placed some gloves on for protection of her skin and got to bleaching his hair. "This may burn." She warned him as she was splitting his hair into sections while he was mindlessly scrolling through Twitter when she was starting.

"I've dyed my hair probably 20 times in my life. Trust me it's fine. I’m immune to the burning sensation now.” He joked.

*****

After an hour of the smell of bleach and the sound Kalani and Micheal's laughter , they were finally in bed watching some episodes Chicago Fire that they've been missing out on.

She had one leg propped up and the other across his lap as he stroked her thigh making her bite her lip as to make it seem like his fingers brushing across her thighs didn't have a affect on her. As it very well did because of how she felt the dampness pool in her black panties.

"If you wanna eat my pussy all you have to do is ask." She finally spoke up during a boring scene in the show.

"I was waiting on those exact words." He said with a cheeky smile.

With that Micheal maneuvered himself to be in her thighs, facing her panties. He licked his lips in anticipation.

Kalani whined softly as he was teasing her clit with his tounge through the outside of her panties. "Please Mikey." Her doe eyes silently begged him.

“Someone’s impatient.”

He tugged them down her smooth legs and tossed them somewhere behind him as he was face to face with her swollen clit as his eyes got wider in adoration.

"Shit your pussy is so pretty my love." He kissed the insides of her thighs as she giggled. "Thank you."

With one lick, she was a moaning mess for him. He was maintaining eye contact with her and every time she wouldn't look at him he would go slower with eating her out. It wasn't long before she started pulling on his hair as he was sucking on her clit making her eyes close in pleasure.

"That feel good baby?," He asked huskily as she could visibly see her own wetness on his beard.

She shakily sighed. "Fuck it feels so good."

With his middle and ring finger he started to slowly finger her while sucking on her clit, her hips jutting up every time he curled his fingers against her sweet spot.

"Shit I'm gonna come." She panted. She pushed his head deeper into her trying to get more of his mouth.

“I know." He cooed, the vibrations of his voice sending her over the edge.

She screamed his name in pure ecstasy multiple times as he pulled his fingers out of her and slowly licked her clean, avoiding her clit as he knew it was too sensitive. He gave her clit one last kiss before laying back next to her.

"I love you." She stretched over her to peck his lips. They kissed for what seemed like hours.

"I can't wait to fuck you at Coachella. To a weekend of great music and even better sex." He said excitedly running his hands over her ass.  

"And spending time with your band members while I have girl time!" she playfully hit his tattooed arm as they both went into a deep sleep tangled together.

[iantimony]

this tuesdaypost was drafted on monday, please clap

we are cookin with Gas this week

listening: listened to antimai a few times through, favorite track i think is 'ring 5: middle class'. dorian electra - man to man: really fun video too charasho (benny friedman): was linked in jew chat. very charming and funky. 5 Old French Dances: No. 5. Le Basque (arr. for 2 recorders and harpsichord): i heard this a billion year ago on the radio (my wakeup radio station on my alarm clock is classical) and i finally got around to saving a link for it. very bouncy very cute. makes me think of rabbits running in circles a la beatrix potter.

EDIT TO ADD: i also finally listened to beyonce 'cowboy carter'!! i know im late! it's good i like it! not a revolutionary opinion! obsessed with her jolene cover! that's all!

reading: big one this week! i FINISHED 'the left hand of darkness'! i really liked it! still marinating on the themes etc. i started 'the dispossessed', also by le guin, and am devouring that as well. there's some stuff in there that oof ough. existential. but i'm liking it so far, i'm around chapter 5 right now. physicists!

fanfic: imposter syndrome (mikkeneko): i might have already linked it but i can't be assed to go back through a few weeks of tuesdaypost to see if i already have. so if i did, here it is again. really charming premise, gut-punch of an ending, cool twist on the doppelganger setup from dungeon meshi with svsss.

the articles, some of which were actually read a while ago but i forgot to link and am now cleaning out my phone tabs: how will the golden age of 'making it worse' end? (david roth) new canada policy lets indigenous people reclaim their names (emma bowman) what happens to the stay-at-home girlfriend after a breakup? (erika w smith) unschooling is the parenting trend that's pissing everyone off (ej dickson) in defense of 'coffee badging' (monica torres): if i had a job that was all zoom calls i would literally go insane over being made to go into an office to take zoom calls. fuck that what my mother's wardrobe taught me about style and grief after she died: thinking a lot about all my dad's shit will semen destroy your shower drain? granny davis' geocaching page: found when i was looking at some reviews for caches near my apartment. im kind of obsessed with her. she also has a facebook page called 'granny's geo page' if you don't have a geocaching account. literally she is everything to me. she has found So Many fucking geocaches good god. wedding trivia questions: used as reference to create some wedding trivia for a bridal shower! similarly, the wikipedia page for morganatic marriages my fight with a sidewalk robot (emily ackerman): my school has these. hate them. my boyfriend just linked this to me and im obsessed, laser etched paperweights, i am not a huge paperweight girlie but wowwww prettyyyyy. the electron orbitals!!!! i had a search open for "anti mega #1 cray street". i have no idea what this is.

special edition: the link dump from my trip to the uk last month! some very related to the trip itself, a few random extras! top of the poops, an architectural firm bc i saw a sign with their logo and thought it was cool but now i can't find their logo, waring ader space invaders because i saw someone's shirt with the little space invader guys and was like ooh the tate museum joel meyerowitz (and another page about him) wikipedia on gratin dauphinois, wikipedia page on doncaster for some reason i did not go there list of artworks at the national portrait gallery of scotland wikipedia page on the jacobite uprising of 1745 washi tape that would match the edinburgh one i bought there, tintin in the land of the soviets postcard that i didnt end up getting wikipedia for a quaich which is a traditional scottish bowl, a wiki page on the geology of arthur's seat, a book in the scottish national galleries that i thought about purchasing but didn't want to try and fit in my luggage (she is definitely one of my new favorite artists though) wikipedia page on lauryn hill for some reason not sure how i got there, wikipedia page on salome halpir this post was on tumblr and i tried to find the item in the victoria and albert museum but it was sadly not on display, one of the audio guides i listened to a bit of in the v & a, a scarf i almost bought in the v & a a google search for the fabric library at harrods because my mom mentioned that it existed but i could not find it search for blinq (apparently spelled that way) blossoms because of a cocktail my brother's friend ordered that had one as a garnish wikipedia page on the mechanical explanations of gravitation

watching: from wool to cloth using a historical weaving technique (jillian eve): oughhh colors

emma in the moment/made in the moment: a deep dive into the chunky boy crochet lore the crochet stardew valley pillow drama untangling the shocking tale of mystical creations yarn i tried red heart's new all in one granny square yarn

some crochet tips videos from play hooky with me

tiffanyferg: 'personal style' discourse hgtv is a gentrification masterclass cleantok villains and the morality of messiness

playing: a teeny bit of wizard101

making: fallow. well i guess i drew on some cards for my friend's bridal shower. but generally fallow.

eating: made deb smittenkitchen's delicious carrot cake recipe. mine was a little ugly but really really delicious. i bought a bag of preshredded carrots and just sort of roughly chopped em up a little smaller because i couldn't be assed to grate them. i also couldn't be assed to trim the cakes, i did two smaller round pans and stacked them up but because i didn't trim them they were a little wibbly. oh well.

i'm going to bake another cake for my brother's birthday next weekend and i'm between her chocolate olive oil cake (looks really easy) and bittersweet chocolate and pear cake (a little more involved but highly recommended by bee)

misc: my mom wanted to take a sailing class but didn't want to do it alone so she offered to pay for me to come. sure, said i! i have never sailed! i like learning new skills! reader, it is So Fucking Hot Outside. the wind died and we had to get towed back to shore. the sun was so strong. there are so many ropes with all different names and they all Do Something. sunday's class got cancelled/rescheduled because the weather was That Bad (hot as fuck and no wind) so we're doing it probably friday instead (and saturday. and sunday. it's two weekends in a row of both days at 9am yayyyyy) but i just hope the weather is. better.

[deepbutdazzlingdarkness]

I think @kennyomegasweave tagged me in this OTP meme like...months ago? And I just found it half-finished in my drafts and decided to actually get it done.

1. What ship were you completely obsessed with when you were a teenager, but now you don't care anymore? 20s, not my teens, but I used to be utterly obsessed with Jack/Kent from Check Please and now, IDEK what happened. I still love them, but I have old fic I saved and never read and can't bring myself to care anymore. IDK it makes me sad.

2. Which ship would you consider your first one? Hmm probably Betsy/Joe from the Betsy Tacy series or Anne/Gilbert from Anne of Green Gables? My first ships when I actually got into fandom were Sawyer/Kate and Sara/Grissom from CSI.

3. Your first fanfic belonged to which couple? Magnus/Alec!!! I never thought I would write fic and then I watched season 1 of Shadowhunters and banged out (lol) 7 fics and almost 30k of porn in less than 2 months in 2016. They all have an insane number of hits (like. the highest has 54,878 hits and the lowest has 15,836 hits.........) and I still get kudos on them almost every day, it's wild.

4. Do you remember the first couple you saw a fanart over? Genuinely no idea, but the first one in my fan art tag is Katniss/Peeta from 2012 <3

5. Did you ever get into ship discourse? My first instinct whenever I see someone talk about something I don't like is to mute/block, so perhaps not actively, but I'm sure I have at some point.

6. Did you used to have any no-otp or have it currently? LOL. Yes. I still fucking HATE Jack/Kate from Lost and always will. Also Dan/Blair from Gossip Girl. Lately...I'm such a multi-shipper but I gotta say Kate/Anthony from Bridgerton bc I've genuinely had to restrain myself from bitching about how much I hate them SO many times since s3 came out lol.

7. Who were the couple in the last fanfic you read? I finished a rewatch of Beyond Evil last night so I've been rereading some of my old bookmarks bc I've read almost everything that's out there 😔. Shout out to the masterpiece simple & clean by whir.

8. Currently, do you have any OTPs? So many!!! Taemin/Kai is still my #1, but also Juwon/Dongsik from Beyond Evil, PatPran from Bad Buddy (it took me several episodes to actually get into the show but once I did I cried...so much over them and how much they love each other LOL), KunTen from WayV, Louis/Lestat...I feel kinda bad that I don't have a major current f/f OTP but I'm literally checking my kpop tags multiple times a week for rule 63 fic and most of my current WIPs are rule 63 f/f so there's that. (Two KunTen including what hopefully is gonna be a long one, plus a Jigyu I started yesterday for a fest that I'm hoping I'll be able to get done - not because of the length, but because I've never written Seventeen before)

9. Is there any couple that, to this day, you are extremely mad about not getting together? So many??? I feel like I have to say Dean/Cas.......Lee/Kara never really got together so them for sure. Sawyer/Kate from Lost even though I 100% choose to believe they got together post-canon pre-flash-sideways. Oh my god I'm looking through my "forever bitter" tag and it's a lot of Cooper/Audrey from Twin Peaks as I expected, but I forgot about Mini/Franky from Skins. and ABSOLUTELY THEM. Everything about series 5 was terrible but that especially.

10. Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they are kind of interesting? IDK I feel like I don't usually change my mind like that. I wouldn't go as far as saying "kind of interesting" but I guess I don't hate Bree/Roger from Outlander AS much on the show as I did in the books lol.

11. Do you have any ship that, in the past, was considered normal but now you would be cancelled over? Hmm...Cesare/Lucrezia maybe? If not them almost definitely Norma/Dylan from Bates Motel LOL.

12. What was your favorite crack ship? I was gonna say I couldn't remember any that truly fit this definition, but then I remembered the Kent Parson/Claude Giroux series #dirtbags and that was great. Actually no my real answer is Syd/Richie from The Bear. Now *I* don't think it's a crackship but they have that vibe.

13. Who is the couple you read more fanfics of? Here's a side by side view of my most bookmarked ships vs the tags I have saved rn on my front page. Unfortunately you can only have 20 but I think it's a pretty good representation. (Other than the ENHA ship, where I legit don't know anything about them or frankly even what they look like, but that tag produces so much incredible unhinged porn that I read canon-blind.)

14. What most of your ships usually have in common? I feel like I have several different ~types, but: friends to lovers, I LOVE bicker-y couples, age gap relationships, especially when one of them is a mentor-ish figure, and power dynamics in general.

15. What do you absolutely hate in a ship? Nice Guy characters, whether they're a guy or a girl. The OG example is Xander (duh) and Chloe from Smallville but you also see it with characters like Sol on My Stand In...there's def more things I hate but that's one of most major ones for me.

[maddiebiscuits]

i don't know how to phrase this any other way so i hope you don't find this rude or anything: you are (imo) a very skilled, very prolific art toaster. it's great quality artwork obviously, but your turnaround is wicked crazy fast to me. what does burnout look like for you? how do you manage to toast so many arts? what dark magics must you employ??

The hard truth is I worked in journalism for two years between 2010-2012 and customer service/hospitality starting at 16 years old in 2007 all throughout my life until 2022 and I don't want to go back to any of it now that I'm almost 33 - that's the main motivator to keep my freelance gig career doing art commissions going as long as possible. Fear and loathing of going back to that work environment keeps me focused.

In action...I'm not quite sure if I ever experience 'burn out'? I do experience art 'block' in that I can't think of anything to draw on my own or feel really unsatisfied with my work...so I just goof off with my canvas or do studies, but this doesn't interfere with doing commissions where I am told what to draw.

I just enjoy the physical act of drawing. Sometimes when I'm bored and restless and going for a walk doesn't help, I just draw more. When I was a kid I would just come home from school and draw crap between playing Gameboy/N64/Gamecube or browsing Elfwood/Newgrounds/DeviantART/Gaia Online, so it's literally just a habit now. If I don't draw for a long time I feel anxious and unwell. Somehow I just programmed my brain to think that art = leisure fun time, even if it's for work. I also tend to get into a "zone" sometimes and just put on video essays or music and a few hours later I'll have worked through some commission stuff.

I have three 'task lists' for my workflow:

A public trello board organized by work order types (N/SFW link)

A personal trello board organized by type/date in chronological order

A coloured tagging and folder system in my emails where I can just see the actual dates/timestamps of my last correspondence with a client so I know exactly who in my taskboard needs to be prioritized for their next WIP update

I hold myself to a standard of sending a client a WIP in stages:

rough draft (1-14 business days)

revisions (1-5 business days)

line art (1-14 business days)

revisions (1-5 business days)

final render (1-14 business days)

tweaks (1-2 business days)

So ideally, the client gets a finished commission in 3-6 weeks, so about 1-2 months. For larger projects I send more WIPs and the process is obviously longer. For simpler stuff like chibis, it's rarely a full six weeks. Over holidays I add an extra two weeks to my noted turn-around to account for IRL time off. On all my terms of service I have a maximum four months turn-around, essentially doubling the time I know my work flow is just in case there's some sort of medical or equipment emergency in my life that I need to account for that gives me a buffer (I also notify all clients)

Monday to Friday I wake up usually...late morning/early afternoon? I do anywhere from four to eight hours of artwork, broken up by walks, stretching, eating, cleaning, cooking, hanging out with my partner, etc. I look at my personal trello taskboard and emails to see what must be done and what can wait. I try to get at least 1-2 things done in a day though, be that sketches/line art/renders/revisions.

Right now I am looking at my email and task board, and the client with the highest wait time chronologically is someone who is waiting for their final render (sketch and line art already revised and done for them). Last email correspondence with them on the email says 9 days ago (so 7 business days, I'm supposed to take Sat-Sun off). Their order was paid in full and confirmed by me on November 9 and it is currently December 13, so I'm at about the 5 week mark (not accounting for delays in clients getting back to me of course) and I am very much On Course for my work load, no one has been without contact from me for 14 days or more so I'm pretty ahead of my game right now! I could take tomorrow off if I wanted, or only do 3-4 hours of work if I feel like it.

However the more work you finish and post, the more you show prospective clients your ability to finish orders and show your audience more art for engagement, so ideally I always like posting stuff when I can, it just creates a cycle of positive production and income.

[melody-han-wayne]

(OOC: Update + Apology—Long Post)

So I've been pretty much non-existent for the past 4 months or so BUT I can explain!

Basically what happened is that I emigrated to not just a different country, but a different continent on literally the other side of the world from where I grew up. And I left behind all my friends and family at home, meaning I came here alone and I'm still alone and probably will be alone for as long as I remain in this new country. So for the past few months I've been dealing with moving and settling down and making plans to secure my future in this new country—heck, just making sure I can have a future in this new country. I'm more or less settled into my new life now (except for the planning for the future part) but before that I kind of forgot about Melody for a while 🫥

So anyway the guilt ate away at my subconscious and Melody's voice came to me in a dream and berated me for abandoning her, so I woke up and quickly came to check on my baby. And I realise, to my utter mortification and horror, that I never paused my Tumblr queue, so all the half-baked ideas, the rough drafts, the tentative-but-not-in-chronological-order character development, had been posting itself while I was away 🫠. So if during the past 5 months you saw my blog degenerate into a bigger and bigger mess and wondered "What the heck is going on"—it's not you, it's me. Right now I'm just trying to salvage what I can of my blog (and my dignity) and reorganise everything I originally planned for Melody (tbh I forgot half of it but I'm sure the memories are in here somewhere, I just have to clean out the dust and oil the gears first).

Honestly I have no idea how many people follow(ed) Melody's story, I might as well be posting into the void for all I know. But like so many of the other RPers on this blog I started because I was bored and had some ideas in my head that wouldn't leave me alone, and over time I became attached to my OC and her story (perhaps unhealthily so). That's part of the reason why I decided not to just delete my blog and make my absence permanent. Because working on this self-indulgent project used to make me happy, and because I still have some ideas I want to share with whoever might be lurking around. Another reason is because of the community that welcomed me and that I personally watched grow. Even when this blog was at its 'most active' I probably didn't interact with other RPers as much as I should/could have (again, it's not you, it's me) but what little interaction we did have I truly did enjoy as we built and connected our own stories and characters while also interpreting the DC ones. I don't think I've said this before, and I don't think I'll ever say it enough, but really, thank you all for being willing to indulge me and play with me. This has been a lovely space to be in, and you guys combined are like 80% of the reason ❤️❤️❤️❤️

@florence-wayne-official @kit-the-nonbinary-wayne @that-one-gotham-kid @amira-wayne-al-ghul @warren-wayne-kyle @teagrayson + anyone I missed, knowing the rate at which this community grows there's bound to be at least one person I didn't tag (it's not a snub—again, not you, it's me and my bad memory—please don't be offended 🥺)

((idk if tagging everyone is proper etiquette after my prolonged absence, I was just going to say 'you know who you are' at first and leave it at that but I'm not sure if you guys actually know who you are 😅 so if I'm breaking some kind of unspoken Tumblr code of etiquette I apologise again))

(((I didn't mean for that above note to sound as rude as it did)))

ANYWAYS if you've read past the wall of text above to make it down here congratulations and thank you, I'll be doing my best to clean up/revise my blog and my OC and her story in the coming weeks and hopefully get some sort of continuity back on track :) I'm also trying to figure out what happened in the rest of the RP community in my absence so if I reply to a three-month-old post now: once again, it's not you, it's me, and there's totally no obligation to engage with.

Can't wait to hang out with the Batfamily again ☺️ plus all my RP siblings, half-siblings, future siblings, stepsiblings, undead siblings etc XD

[pool-floatie]

I feel the need to share my g/t experience with erryone since its been on my mind for a while and I find it interesting how early on It showed up.

Ever since I was a little kid, probably 5-7 years old, I had little daydreams occasionally about giants taking me to their houses or a park or wherever and they would tease me and have fun with me, I was always scared of course because apparently ive always liked this fearplay bullshit, but i still found it exhillirating and fun. Of course it wasnt romantic or anything until I got older, just,,, like a really tall roller coaster, scary but exciting.

When I started reading, i found one of the borrowers books, i think my mom actually got it for me (maybe i had mentioned the daydreams??) ! I think it was The littles and The Biggs families, but yeah. I loved it and i tried to find more but they werent at my school library 😭 so Iworked with what I had, a book and a dream. (lol cringe-)

While i was in 4th- 6th grade I had kind of repressed it, I still thought about it on occasion but i started to realise that nobody else had that interest and it was just a wierd thing with me... Until I watched the BFG (cliche right 🙄) it was when the movie came out and people were talking about it! For a while it held the title of my favorite movie just so I could talk about it when people asked that particular icebreaker.

One night in like... 7th grade I had a dream that i was at church (lol cringefail imagine being religious...) and I picked up a piece of paper inviting people to come test out an experiment... Then i saw a flash And somewhere from the depths of my memories, my brain pulled out one of my old daydream scenarios.

I was in a laboratory with several other humans and we were all in a big glass box. Surrounding us were giants who took us out of the container and gave us baths, undressing us and scrubbing us down with toothbrushes so we would be clean for the examination.

I was taken away to a desk and meticulously examined from head to toe, the giant tried to probe me with questions but I was too shocked to speak.

Thats all I can remember but I was so fascinated by the dream that I started telling my family about it, now of course nobody wanted to hear me talk about my dream for 20 minutes, so my mom encouraged me to write it down.

And oh hell did I write.

My first long form writing stemmed from a dream I had, i wrote for months, of course, I was 13 do it was flaming garbage but I was so happy about it and thought it was a masterpiece.

So naturally as anyone would, I emailed it to my english teacher.

She never responded.

I wonder why.

To this day I pray that she never opened it, her emails being too cluttered with important school things that it got lost and never crossed her eyes.

But still, it was through this little writing that I began to realise my potential (lol cringe origin story-)

I still have the draft of the story, its plot and characters were a good foundation, and perhaps one day i will look it over, change a few things, get cancer and die.

During quarantine I discovered Sanders Sides, which led me down a fanfiction rabbit hole, which led me to tumblr, which led me to a creator called delimeful , not sure if they want to be tagged in this so I wont... They wrote some marvelous G/t Sanders sides fanfic and i soon realised... This is a community, it wasnt just them.. There was, so /much/ so many artists and writers that shared this niche interest, a community of people who g e t i t .

It started slow, I continued interacting with the tumblr community ( hell, the husk of my old blog might still roam this site (|||O⌓O;) )

Only ever looking for safe, wholesome g/t.

But where was the stomach-dropping exhilliration I had felt before, that rollercoaster feeling? What was missing??

I needed the fearplay, and in looking for it i stumbled into vore and that dynamic, playing with pred/prey and even more teasing. I was hesitant at first.

But lo and behold that was the gawd damn ticket. I started to write again, finding new stories and creators and tropes galore! I learned about the community, the terms and the subgenres!

Finally I gained confidence in my writing ability through a class that helped me grow my skills and practice.

And I eventually decided i could share all my hard work. All this time I had spent worrying if i should just keep it to myself, but i reminded myself of all the non beta read and unfinished work i had seen, and looking back at my own I was less afraid, people still liked it even then... So what could they say about mine ?

There ya go, thats my,, I guess life story told through the g/t Timeline.

Hopefully I was vague enough to not give away any behind the scenes, yall will never know who I am 😈😈😈

Also im not trying to bash any creators, I appreciate everyone who contributes to the community with anything they have.

[choices-binglebonkus]

Top Ten Books/Series I forgot existed

So this has been sitting in my drafts for like a month or two and I just got an ask that made me want to actually post it. I think I made this simply because I was bored, couldn’t sleep, and enjoy making lists, so I decided to make a top ten list featuring books/series that I totally forgot about because…they’re just forgettable, no two ways about it. Because let’s be real here: there are great Choices books, there are terrible Choices books, and there are Choices books that are like…hey…hi…I’m just kinda here.

10. Shipwrecked. PLEASE do not quote me on this, but I *think* it released sometime this past year. Honestly most of the reason this book suffered was due to the lack of interesting characters, or characters in general because off the top of my head all I can remember are the MC, the LI, Dr. Hale, and the LI’s old business partner but I can’t even remember their name at this point. Hell, I can’t even remember much of the plot, and even after playing a chapter I remember forgetting almost everything about it pretty much immediately.

9. Wishful Thinking. I actually quite liked this book. It was lighthearted and pretty fun during a time where we needed some lightheartedness to balance out the more intense/angsty book releases. But unfortunately, the plot itself was kinda meh, and since it was a standalone, there was no real reason to remember it. Even worse, this book began the unfortunate trend of reusing background characters as MC’s “close friends”.

8. Foreign Affairs. Remember when FA was announced and, the dumbasses that we were, we were all convinced it would save the fandom from the book drought? Yeah…it feels like such a distant memory now. The book seemed really, really promising. And it could have been. But holy hell, it was executed so poorly and the premise of the plot was so flimsy. What I once thought would be a great book is now one of the ones I just squint at when I remember it even exists.

7. A Very Scandalous Proposal. I’ve talked about this one a little bit before. The main appeal of AVSP was Simon/Ava. If you didn’t like them? Tough shit, buddy. The main goal of the book was to uncover the secrets of the Montjoy family. Unfortunately, PB didn’t give us a reason to care about or find interest in said Montjoy family, which is probably why the book faded from my memory so quick.

6. Passport to Romance. This is kind of a weird one for me. I forget it exists most of the time, but then when I do remember it, I remember how truly terrible it was, while most of the other books on this list aren’t very fresh in my memory. It was so unimpressive, bland, and the characters were tolerable at best and obnoxious at worst (ELLIOT LANGDON).

5. Rising Tides. The book was okay…but it pushed a generic “save the earth” message while forcing us to pay to clean the town. The MC was a sidekick in her own story which would’ve been fine, but Charlie was such an annoying character that it wasn’t even enjoyable. Also, the Big Bads conceded waaaaay too easily at the end. I’m not even exaggerating when I say that I forgot about this book in less than a week after the final chapter aired.

4. Witness: A Bodyguard Romance. Believe it or not, despite how awful this book was, I forgot about it pretty quickly. It could’ve been a really cool story, but it focused too heavily on romance when the MC and Cassian’s lives were on the line quite literally at every second. Other than that…I truthfully do not remember much about this book other than the Irish mob.

3. Ms. Match. This book was decent enough and it didn’t stop releasing until that long ago. However, the plot was one of those “fight to reach the top and win the competition” plots which quite frankly have been overdone in Choices for a few years now. Not to mention, there weren’t a lot of interesting characters except for Maggie and maaaaaybe the MC’s dad but that’s pushing it a little. The reason it’s so high on this list is because it didn’t end that long ago, yet I can’t seem to remember a damn thing about the book, other than that I HATED the love interest.

2. Home for the Holidays. Many moons ago, this was considered one of the worst, if not, THE worst, book in Choices. And many moons ago, I agreed. But the horrific mediocrity of this holiday flurry of fuck was outshined by some truly awful stories and simply faded into obscurity.

1. Sunkissed. As I made this list, I scrolled through the series on the app, and while most books on this list elicited an “oh yeah, I kinda remember this” from me, when I saw this one, I was like “holy shit, I completely forgot this book was even a thing”. While Home For the Holidays and Sunkissed are both sort of (for lack of a better word) Hallmark-y, Sunkissed was longer and, in my opinion, a little sloppier. The book just wasn’t sure what it wanted to be. A lighthearted summer beach romance? A tale of a family’s struggles with grief and interpersonal conflict in the wake of a father and husband’s untimely death? Fuck it, we’ll uncomfortably cram BOTH into the main plot, execution be damned!

[colorguardsweetheartblurrsgirl]

Hey...Been a while (My Bad)

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Happy Holidays everyone!!! I know I'm late to the party, life's been kinda CRAZY BUSY Drama and stuff happened. Didn't have time to breath. I did want to post art for the Holidays, art I originally planned for last year. Didn't work out, Wil make eventually, as I love the plan still I set out to make last year and want to still create it. But some new stuff in life that effects schedule was new to me and the exhaustion it brought I wasn't used to. Things seem a bit better so I'm hoping to get back in the swing of it. Starting classes for a month soon so I will have a little less chaos and more time to work on art and stuff hopefully when that happens. (We'll see, prayers all the same)

So, been working on 1st Few chapters, cleaning up. Wanted to know for if you guys wanted me to post favorite lines on occasion. I know I've talked about it before... But maybe set a schedule of every other week or something to share. Like maybe share first lines? Let me know! #stry

~~~

In the meantime, while art has been slower, I have still been working on story bits (so much so I've had days I've tired myself out and wanted to work on other things. But I still have the drive for it. I just give myself occasional break cause you know you don't want something to be a chore when creating. It was more working on some chapters technical stuff which was the chore as it sometimes is. Seems more so when you have it pretty set in stone but have to fix little things that are annoying). I've also been dreadfully stretching out writing out the full outline, I have a form of it in my document (and a terribly built early version from the early days of this fix revolving around the first several chapters events).... However, due to having it fully thought out now I'm at the point I'm hammering nearly 24/7 in my head that while I want to work on art or more story writing I need to sit down and do this. As a visual and do it learner I know for me I need to more so get several printed paper laid out and write in order the outline (not timeline, but that to eventually I've got a very old draft from the early days of the timeline as well. But I need to work on that after too)... So yeah... Just something I'm procrastinating on that despite having the Outline fully or "mostly" fully embodied for the 3-6 books (with all that happens in books 3 or what likely is 5 & 6 I realize it could end up becoming 7 books, but I'm trying to not say that just yet)... But yeah, i have the main things figured out and mostly all events of Book 1 & 2 (most likely it will be Books 1-4 figured out) all the major events have long been in stone for all the books it's just the puzzle pieces of where certain things go and the figuring out battles that is the main thing of the later books not fully visualized ubt story beats are already in stone for the later ends I just realize some may be added to help flesh things out in the later books. Yeah, some reason the one piece of this story that's a chore is getting myself to sit down and do the outline, money isn't a issue at the moment. Though i have some house work that is why some things have been stalled. It's just one of those funny bits I can't get myself to do, despite creating continually for it...

So yeah, really part of me stalling has been trying to get myself to sit down and do what I need to do as a writer instead of relying on the road map in my head (cause I don't want to mess up). That said, lately due to a family member who has connections wanting to read the first few chapters. I've been really working on getting the first five chapters and the Overture (I decided due to length and as it fit better for the story the Prologue is more called the Overture) as I make many references to songs and other reasons. Just like the epilogue (which I long have written and last year I reworked and rewrote, I told my mom what the epilogue entails without reading it to her, as she doesn't want to read any of it till it's created my parents and larger family have been heavily supportive including my friends of me finally setting out to write my first original series... But she literally cried when I told her the ending and the epilogue which I call Before Curtain Bows (and something else that is a stage reference, i grew up on the stage so it's kinda fits to call these such for me and how the story is titled literally spelling out story I kinda pay homage to how they used to be told as if on stage).

Anyways, I know I said I wouldn't do any more long updates. BUt I felt since it's been a while I would. I hope to post more art stuff soon. Unrelated to what I was working on for a while (also to my friend waiting for the birthday gift, I decided to hold it till this birthday so you'll see it in a few months which allows me to work on it a bit more along with other things since it became slightly bigger then I expected it to be while working on it on and off).

Also with the "Recent Business" in my life, it kinda recently inspired me to make just a short, non scheduled Henry Stickmin Collection short random comic with the characters of THSC in a similar place and shenanigans inspired by my experiences in said place. I'll give you more info in the Update 0.5 comic I hope to post and get finished soon. Like I said was to busy to work on anything. But hope to get some of this up soon. I also have a update to my last post where I outlined it and added more details so I'll be posting that (I wanted to see if I can use my scanner but that rooms blocked off by boxes right now gotta figure out a way to navigate it to do so).

Anyways, that's all from me on updates....

Here's a sketch from the 0.5 Update to prove I'm doing stuff other then technical stuff on the novel portion.

THIS WILL BE DIGITILIZED LATER... just rough sketch dump from back when I made this little idea.

[allqrcoded]

Devlog 5: Where are we headed? + Year end origin stories

Welcome back.

In all seriousness, I don't know how to number these things. Does the counter restart once the game you were talking about last dev log finishes production? Do you just keep on continuing despite now starting a new project? Either way, I'll go on & keep this as is. The year's almost ending and I feel like it's about time to announce the new game I'm working on (as if it weren't obvious that the MCs were revealed in my art blog months ago, but either way...)

With angel care officially being released on July of this year along with into sun&dark being a mini game jam project I sent out within the same time, there left a hole in my heart where handling a big project such as a game cemented itself in. Albeit, working on angel care has been a wild journey to say the least, but throughout it, I found out that telling stories through games allows me to merge the 2 things I love doing (writing & art). If making comics didn't click for me and solely writing a novel makes me worry about the specific character designs that might get lost, then making games is perfect.

Whilst the characters of angel care were solely made out of new OCs, Lucas and Del from sundark were actually repurposed characters from an old story I never completed. The universes weren't exactly the same, but the concept of doomsday remained. Rex from this new project, Descent to Negative Zero, follows the same repurposing. This time, it's about someone who comes back… Again, yes, but that trope is my favorite.

Origin stories

If you've been a follower of my art blog since last year, you might've seen a character I drew during October, Ace, with another character from a fandom I was active in (Daybreak.) He was a submission in a contest, but never got in, so I shelved him for a bit until this year, thinking that I could use him for an RPGMaker game in the future, since I always had the dream to make one (and guess where we are right now...) A bit dismayed because I had a fondness for him at that time, I clung onto that "maybe." And so, he sat there for a while, and eventually, my fondness for him faded away once I got the idea of angel care. Long live his skater boy and bunny motif along with his pink dyed hair.

And, look! Some drafts of the AC trio from last year too. But, moving onto Ace and fast forward to the final stretches of the AC bug-fixing hell...

(^ I remember back then that I really liked this final piece. Sometimes I keep thinking to myself that last year's events were from 2 years ago.)

My mind then drifted to Ace again... Disappearances and mist snatching, huh? Well, disappearing sounds good for a plot point, but I still need to work around the mist thing (Daybreak character entrails he left that I needed to clean up before he's completely separate from it.) The bunny motif and the pink hair were cute too. I wasn't too sure about the skater thing, so I decided to change it.

Long story short, he transformed from a skater to a shoegazer (my projection. I just wanted to include that song genre into this because I love it and for the sake of OST potential too). Kyle (the dude I used to draw him with a lot) needed a replacement too, so thus, his skater boy gene got transferred to Josh, his new best friend. Whilst that whole tangent was a big factor in the repurposing stage, in terms of clothes, Rexosh both wear some items in my closet that I just took and adjusted a bit -- both came from thrift stores, actually! Knowing that, I decided to make them thrifters and have them go to one in an early game flashback.

Right now, I don't have the jacket Josh wears because that's being tailored, but most of the elements are inspired by that.

I won’t spoil too much of the plot, but I will say that it’s connected to one of my previous games. Dt-z almost became a short summer visual novel until sundark came along and replaced it instead. Whilst its main element in the story stayed the same, it turned more puzzle-focused in the end.

Progress report/since when?

Starting up the project during summer, it’s been around four months since I made the first (yes, since it did get corrupted in some instances) RPGMaker file for it. Right now, I’m around coding the mid-point of the game with a bunch of placeholders in the project to get the ball rolling in the coding space since making parallax maps takes a while for me. Dt-z is more visually out there than AC, with the use of shadow overlays and what not. Making them for dozens of maps is a bit tedious (so, that’s why I’m putting that job in the late coding stage), but the end result is stunning.

As I’m writing this, I’ve paused on coding one of the mid-game puzzles. Surprisingly, I get a lot of stuff done in the weekends with this project. Making the solutions for them is a bit time-consuming, yes, but seeing it play out makes it worth it. Unlike AC, I don’t have all the time in the world to work on this game because of IRL matters, etc. So, the fact that I still managed to get a good amount of progress in just 4 months is pretty good. The dialogue doc for this game is also done in areas regarding important cutscenes, including a rough draft of what the end game would be like (right now, it's longer than AC's script page count wise! Maybe that's because I included some flavor text there.) I still have to adjust aspects of the script to keep their situation plausible there, but other than that, it's good. Without any context, here are some screenshots of what the maps look like from October and a recent one I took:

Albeit, I still need to adjust some things accordingly, but since this project is still in its baby stage, I'm not prioritizing that sort of thing right now.

So far, I'm trying to avoid the trend of RPGMaker game puzzles needing to find a key in every room and while puzzle making is a thing I'm not that experienced with, I realized that I took most of my inspiration with them with the games I've been playing these months, Death Mark and Spirit Hunter: NG.

Of course, me picking up those games wasn't because of wanting to take inspiration from them first — I just wanted a way to de-stress, but after a bit, I took some mental notes in my mind. NG's puzzles are very satisfying to solve. Whilst this dev log isn't focused on what games I played for the month, let's just say that I preferred NG over DM for a variety of things.

Moreover, I've been adjusting the endings and the way you get lore tidbits through the story to make the true end of the game pack more of a punch so that by the time you go ending hunting, you won't get dragged down by the same realizations the characters go through. There's a lot of flavor text I have to write, essentially.

Let's talk about themes

Continuing the trend of wanting to explore themes close to my heart in my bigger projects, Dt-z is in the same light with AC. Whilst the mood is entirely different (color palette not so cool/winter, characters being younger, even the premise being puzzle focused), Dt-z's themes were the ones that more or less defined my summers, just like how AC defined my winters (even if where I lived didn't snow, but, nevertheless, the phrasing still sticks).

I like to think that making art, helps me process stuff a bit and that's why I still got an itch in me to take up another big project similar to AC despite me knowing that this year would be busier than the last. I'm remaining vague here to not spoil the entire plot of it, but let's say that I hold the message I want to say through this dear to my heart. There's a lot I want to say regarding these two games (including sundark!), but I want to work on letting my audience make up their own conclusion on the work just based off the content without my involvement.

Albeit, as an artist, I've always had this selfish desire in me to want everyone to get this one conclusion — this one reading on what I worked on because with every piece I make, there's always a message I want to tell. But, through the years, I've gotten to the point where I stopped pseudo-denying the fact that people aren't like that. I've started even enjoying other readings of my work because through them, I get to see more perspectives I haven't even considered whilst keeping the main point in mind. So, let's just say that AC is about death and angels and winter and friendship and love. And with Dt-z, it's about love too because love is just universal.

Thanks for coming

Restraining myself from talking more about Dt-z's details… In summary, I've been enjoying working on this project. Rexosh really are fun to draw & I want to share their story sometime once I'm finished. I want to write more trivia blogs later on with my released games (especially AC because I have a lot to talk about there), but for now, I'll keep on going.

[stupidusernamepolicy]

tv tag game

— list 8 shows for your followers to get to know you better. tagged by beloved mootie @michaelmandog

1.Good Omens

This is such a feel-good show for me and cleaning out my drafts made me remember how much I love it. Also a reminder that I need to finish Staged. The friendship between the authors and the ways it impacted the book and show is so important to me...

2. Breaking Bad / Better Call Saul

"oh watch it it's the best show ever" "yeah yeah sure" and then... Meth show for middle aged dads sent me on a *checks calendar* FIVE MONTH FIXATION? I need to be euthanized. Also Michael Mando. That's all.

3.Final Space

SHINED SO BRIGHT AND GONE TOO SOON. This was THE underdog adult animation and though I've separated myself from it a lot it's still one of the best out there. Space fantasy dramedy about a convict out in space that is a testament to all that adult animation can be, but often isn't. If you can stand a bit of exec-meddling awkward humor, this one is the hardest WATCH NOW on this list. Also, catboy above voiced by Steven Yeun and he goes so hard.

4.Invincible

Continuing on the thread of amazing adult animation with a much more popular entry, this is an adaptation that is so far so much better than the source material. I stayed up til 5 am binging this. It has 4 things I love: great animation, (comic) trope subversion, GORE, and Steven Yeun (again!)

5.Futurama

This show is older than me, and I never watched it growing up, yet it still feels like home whenever I watch it. If I need to cheer up and have my TV on, this is the clear choice. It's so nostalgic and has so much heart while also being really, really fucking funny.

7.Gravity Falls

Similar to Futurama: another comfort show!! It brings back so many memories, even though I watched it after its original run. One of the rare things I own official merch of (I loved it enough to pay for shipping from the US)

7.Mob Psycho 100

Obligatory singular Anime entry. This is the one anime I'd recommend to non anime watchers, as it subverts a lot of typically annoying anime tropes and is a rare entry where the adaptation is as good if not better than the source material, and yet it's AMAZING because it OOZES with love of the source material! I'm definitely biased because it's the kind of story my middle school self needed, and that my current young-adult self... also needed. It's about growing up, about how people need other people, and it rewired my brain.

8.Rise Of The TMNT

JUST LIKE FINAL SPACE, SHINED TOO BRIGHT AND GONE ENTIRELY TOO SOON!! I was a HUGE fan of 2003 series when I was a kid and this one completely reignited my love for TMNT. The animation is poppy and dynamic and tastefully stylized, the story goes from monster of the week to the absolute insanity that is the netflix movie, and it has the kind of personality that a reboot of such an old series needs and benefits from (partially also ended up being its undoing because people hate fun). Like Final Space, if you're not averse to a little cringe humor aimed at a younger generation, I have 2 words for you: MUST! WATCH!!

HONORABLE MENTIONS BECAUSE ITS HARD TO PICK

Arcane! because all that can be said about it has already been said about it. But it is fantastic and if you have not watched it yet because "its league of legends ew" and "its a cartoon" quit being a boob and go watch it.

Mrkomir Prvi! Because it's a really funny sitcom set in medieval Croatia, and it's only here because it's incredibly obscure on a global level, but it's really the kind of original TV I love to see and rarely do. They did a pandemic episode in which they called the diseased "influenzers", enough said.

Tagging! @its-me-ej, @djcranberry, @hellomingo, @lemonykleonella, @mediasploshion and @bamsara(long time no talk!! i hope this isnt a jumpscare)

No pressure, and happy reminiscing >:)

[bh-writingdump]

zeek's freaks

Therapy Hack

[1st draft]

“How was your weekend?”

The therapist Derek pauses what for others would e an inconceivably long time but for us strikingly average 5 minutes. “I’ll be back.”

Derek sighs. “Ezekiel, you cant keep doing this.”

“Why not? It’s worked greater for us. I admit to enjoying our working relationship of… 1 year?”

“Because your my most steady client.”

Ezekiel pauses, an honest therapist, go figures… or one who knows how to play multiple angles. “I don’t intend on stopping. They roll a seed between their fingers, enjoying the way the pipping and blossoming of the poppy brings visible revulsion to the therapist’s visage despite his best efforts. The magic detectors goes wild beeping like a banshee before Derek turns it off.

He takes off his glasses, methodically cleaning them until he says. “I honestly couldn’t care less whether you make progress. I have bills to pay, a child to feed, and for my least labor intensive client, I’d rather you be happy making no progress then unhappy doing the same. You’re not even paying for these mandated appointments, it’s your—”

“Jailor?”

“Mother. Who is. I’ve seen your shaparone. It doesn’t require much to fake.” He pulls out a chess board.

“you’ve done this before?”

“A time or two. Usually it happens faster but… you were making so much progess the first few months.”

Ezekiel smiles but it makes Derek lean back. “I had some… externl motivation. Speaking of, while tempting, I’ll need you to declare me a risk for any upcoming surgeries.”

“She’ll stop sending you here. Transfer you to another. That’s the whole reason’s she’s—”

You know as well as I do if they cut open my brain, there’ll be nothing left. The only reason I agreed to the last 3 was because I had a job lined up that I thought would work. Since s it didn’t. This one will certainly kill me. It’s getting incredibly close to me rather working with her than dyin on the slab. All I got to do is live till the end of the month.”

“Why the change of heart… out of  curiosity?” He set aside his notepad. Old habits. Method actor.

“Nobody’s hiring.”

“A witch”

“More likely because of my chronic fatigue. I didn’t even give them a reference and they somehow found out.”

“Fancy that.”

“almost like she told them.”

“Mind if I” He holds up his smoke and lights it.

Ezekiel leans forward, growing a poppy so fast from the side of the cigarette it pops in an ashy cloud. Derek coughs, waving it away.

“Watch it –”

“swallow hemlock, hack.”

Derek takes another long drag. “All I’m sayin’ is she doesn’t have to do that. Depending on how strong your magic is, it’ll come up in a background check.”

“That’s—that’s confidential!” Ezekiel nearly shouts.

“Not as of last year. Bill went through. Says your kind are the equivlent of a crazy school shooter stumbling around. To be fair, some of you could be… but 90% of your magics are no more than parlor tricks unless you were getting creative.

E: the law

D: oh yeah, you’re part of a registry

E: great. Just great.

D: *holds up pack* want one?

E, takes one, lights it up: is that how you knew about all that?”

D: and your mother.

E: mmm thought as much

E: isn’t this *gestures to room* against a code or something

D: definitely

E starts setting up a board.

[typewriter83]

i saw this on another blog and though someone should ask mama this question and someone is me!

what’s ur writing process look like? do you write in your phone or computer? omg you don’t use a typewriter? where and when do you write? anything you wanna tell the cubs

Haha y’all are adorable - Mama hasn’t had a typewriter since I was a child, and even then it was my mom’s and it was an antique at that point. Man, I wish I had kept it though.

My writing usually starts one of two ways: a song imbeds itself in my brain and takes control, or I see a prompt/tweet/random post that gets the gears turning.

After I have the idea, I open the notes app on my phone and start a new note. I have a note for each of my WIPs. It can include chapter title ideas, plot points, characterizations, one of Ellie’s bad puns, lines of dialogue, etc. When I get to the end of a story, I’ll usually delete all the ideas I used and throw the ones I didn’t use into a “throw away” note - I don’t delete anything I don’t use, it might be useful later!

I don’t get a lot of actual writing time during the day. I know there are a lot of writers out there that do their writing right on their phone and more props to them - my thumbs cannot handle that. If I get a big idea, I will outline as much of it as I can so I don’t forget it, but I do my actually writing on my laptop. I write in Microsoft Word - Mama is old school - and I have a writing file and each of my stories is stored in its own subfile there - writing>TLOU>donuts_coffee>football (this is literally the path to one of my stories).

When I was writing “Why Can’t I Just Tell You,” it was one big document with page breaks for each chapter. That became chaotic when trying to copy>paste to ao3. When I started writing LtW, I started a new document for each chapter which makes it easier for me to copy>paste and send to my beta reader or post on ao3.

While writing my Boston AU last year (the disastrous month that was NaNoWriMo), the story went through a lot of changes, but I didn’t delete anything. I have a “throw away” document where I keep unused plot points, dialogue, etc. for future use. I have entire stories that I scrapped but pick apart to use - before I started writing “Why Can’t I Just Tell You,” I had written over 50k words to a Joel/OFC that I scrapped but eventually started picking apart to use in other stories. Nothing written is ever worth deleting, you never know where you’re gonna want to use it later.

Let’s not forget that when I’m writing a particularly spicy scene (🌶️.5 for life), that process takes a lot longer because it requires time for brainstorming, giggling like a child, self-doubt, laptop tossing, pacing, avoidance - it’s a process.

My stories/chapters tend to go through about 3-4 drafts. Once I find an endpoint for a chapter/story, I go back and fill in any missing scenes, then start the first edit (which usually involves eliminating dialogue - I’m looking at you, Joel Miller), then a clean up and polish before sending it to my lovely beta reader. Once I get it back, I do another edit and polish before posting to ao3.

While I do have playlists that I listen to for inspiration, I can’t listen to them when I’m writing. I’m easily distracted. I tend to listen to instrumental music - I lean into George Winston a lot of the time; his piano solos are so soothing and beautiful.

I don’t think there’s a wrong way to write - I have plot points and outlines for most of my work, but they derail pretty quickly - fun fact: Ellie wasn’t supposed to shoot Joel at the beginning of LtW, that came at the last minute when they were approaching one another in the storm. He was just supposed to yell at her to get her ass back inside while he did a perimeter check, then he was going to end up with pneumonia, but that feral teenager had other ideas.

So, that’s how I do this. Right now, Donuts & Coffee Part 9 is going through edits, hoping to post next week!

🫶🏻

[dzpenumbra]

3/18/23

Again, I'm avoiding this.

I'm just fed up.

This hellish cycle just won't end.

I started today on a good foot, I really did. I struggled a bit with yoga, but I pushed myself and got there. I got a phone call halfway through meditating, and I tuned it out and kept going. I went to the package room before even showering (that's a big push outside my comfort zone social anxiety-wise) to get my new fabric inks. I had a plan, I had tools, I had momentum.

I had 5 things on my goals list for today - check on the art supply delivery (check), desire path concept prototype (check), clean art station a bit (nope), water orchid (nope). At this point in the day, I had gotten exactly one thing on that list done. I had briefly started to throw together an idea for the prototype, I'll get into that later so I can wrap this up on a positive note.

The call while I was meditating was my mom. Let me just preface what's to come by stating the obvious here. I have been extremely stressed out lately, which I think is pretty obvious in my writing, especially when compared to my writing from around when I started this blog. I am very on-edge. I have no incoming sources of positivity, hope, optimism, etc... so I have to generate it myself. I'm grieving, and it's hitting me harder than I expected, in ways I wasn't expecting, too. Like... my left eye has been twitching for a fucking month now. I'm just... I can spiral into stress and frustration very quickly. And I'm really tired of holding back that wall every day, honestly. I kinda want to get that frustration and stress out of my system, not bottle it up.

My mom asked me how I was doing. I made it very clear that I was struggling. Despite my day being fine so far... my mind went immediately to the day before. The list I posted here. The mic problem with the art stream setup. The audio routing issues with music streaming. It came flooding back instantly, and my mood followed. This was my only opportunity to speak to another person who was presenting themselves in a supportive role. I communicated the struggles I was having as much as I could, but I really wasn't getting many questions, much engagement. I just... didn't understand why she couldn't comprehend the problem. In my head, I spelled it out perfectly. "I have two desks now. The mic arm is like 2.5 feet long. The desk is like... 6 feet long. The mic functions best directionally, and... can't rotate because of that, because the shock mount doesn't work that way." I tried to appeal to the frustration of having to unhook my mic, unfasten my mic stand clamp, move it to the other desk and reset it... every time I want to switch between gaming and art streams. And I was planning on doing this... at least one stream switch a day... so... likely two mic swaps per day, every day that I stream. It's fucking obnoxious.

And it hit me instantly. I've had this same problem... since I started doing the bird illustration streams. Since I tried doing art streams and set up my station in the old studio space. I had to swap the mic between the two rooms. I used to stream games from my laptop on my couch so I could chill with my dog, and have my mic mounted on a wooden coffee table next to the couch. But once I added in art streams, I had to move the entire setup over to the studio space. Permanently. I was sitting on a drum throne in there at my drafting table for like 6-8 hours a day. It really fucked up my hips and my back. And my dog just slept on the bed behind me. We didn't really get to interact as much as before. It was a big shift in my life. It was back in like... early 2022, I think. Like late winter/early spring. I was in that studio space for like a year. I didn't even use my couch anymore after that, I moved it to the other side of the room because of its disuse and it remained unused until the night my dog died. I mean that.

I had another microphone identical to the one I have now. It was supposed to be for my brother, I think. I guess he didn't want it. Or maybe he tried it and learned quickly that... it didn't work... Because... it didn't work. And I was really hopeful and optimistic that I could just set up the two mics - one at the couch spot, one at my studio spot - and be fine. But every time I used the second mic... it would make clicking sounds in Discord, like loud popping sounds. I swapped out the cable, same problem. Swapped out mics... fixed it. So... pretty clear it was a mic problem. So... even if I have this mic in my new apartment, which I am pretty sure I don't... pretty sure it didn't survive the move... it's not like I can use it.

The speed I type this out is actually lagging really slow behind my thoughts when I go through really stressful stuff like this, and in conversations, my thoughts go even faster. I have kinda adapted to slowing my thought stream down a bit in order to type it accurately. So... everywhere my brain went up above? That happened in like... 2 seconds. And I didn't see a solution. Because I'm not about to ask my mom to buy me a new microphone. Even if she offered one to me, I don't have an extra port to plug it into. I would need a new input box too. Good lord, all this fucking equipment is like 10 years old. I swear, I'm doing the best I know how with the equipment I've got. I just... I don't like asking my family for money-related things. If they offer of their own free will, I'll talk it over. But I'm not about to go ask my rich parents for a second studio mic for my livestream that has a whopping 0.3 average viewers.

And this is supposed to be for my fucking business. This is my way of introducing my art to new people. Social networking. Opening my studio to the world. This is it. This is all I have. So it's kind of a big deal that I can't fucking talk to my audience. Add to that... that I can't even play music either. So my stream goes from cool music and cool art and hanging out and chatting with the artist ... to sitting there and watching art being made with no interaction, no explanation, with fucking muzak playing over it. At what point in this process is this no longer even my stream?

So yeah. As you can probably tell from how upset I am right now... these emotions were not easy for her to handle. And by not easy, I mean she literally felt threatened by me, and started to guilt me into showing some form of gratitude or appreciation that she googled a mic stand... for a different type of microphone... that's $27... on Amazon... as a solution to this problem... And, I guess, just kinda tried to make me feel indebted for even having a living being to speak to about this. Like... even if she outright said she "couldn't relate" and said "if you need help, you need to tell me how to help", shit like that. I mean. Okay. I'm just gonna go off here.

WHY. THE FUCK. WOULD I COME UP WITH A SOLUTION TO MY OWN PROBLEM IN FRONT OF SOMEONE. AND THEN DELEGATE IT TO THE ONE PERSON. WHO JUST SAT THERE AND WATCHED ME COME UP WITH IT. WHO HAS NO WORKING KNOWLEDGE OF THE PROBLEM ITSELF. WHY THE HELL WOULD I NOT JUST SOLVE IT MYSELF AT THAT POINT.

She asks me how I'm doing. I am honest and forthright, yet metered because I can intuitively tell it's an unsafe environment for me to express those emotions. I was correct in that assessment. She engages and tries to help without gathering enough information about the situation. The attempt falls flat. I get blamed for not giving enough information. When I'm pissed off. And holding my emotions back because she will lose her shit on me if I just go off. <here's the best part> There is no second attempt. It turns immediately into my fault that I am not communicating effectively. As though pointing fingers at me and demanding praise and tribute is going to make me communicate the way she fucking wants. Ever tried... I don't know... asking nicely? Being polite? Being considerate of other peoples' feelings?

I swear to god, I even went all out and brought in examples... like "hey, this would be like if you just suddenly... didn't have a phone in your office." An attempt to bring someone who is miles the fuck away in their own head into a situation that feels similar to mine, that creates the same limitations. To show her how I am feeling at that moment. Nope. Just breezes right past that, like I never even spoke, not even an attempt to empathize.

My fucking ex used to do the same shit. All of this. To try one goddamn thing to help when I was going through a rough time, then taking huge offense when it didn't work, and immediately self-victimizing. I am literally in social isolation. These women seek me out. They attempt to be supportive once. They do not succeed in supporting me in that one attempt. They blame me. It hurts them. And suddenly... like goddamn magic... they need support! And it just so happens that their support is... way more urgent than mine! How... fucking... convenient... --- correction: How fucking toxic. --- "But how am I supposed to help you when you're not telling me how to help you?!" Bitch, you just sat there silent for 15 minutes after I asked you a direct question, you wanna come after me because I didn't hold your hand and spoonfeed you the solution to my own problem, so you can swoop in and take credit for it? Fuck off. Fuck off with that slimy shit. How about you... I don't know... get to know me? Get to know who I am, what I do, why I would feel that way... and then decide whether you're on my side... because you come to me acting like you're on my side, then start fucking pointing fingers at me the second I get upset as though I'm breaking some kind of unwritten rule you came up with or some shit.

I remember clearly having a morning where I was extremely pissed off at my landlord for mowing the lawn. At 10:30 AM. 2 feet outside my window, which was open in the summer. When I had told both of my landlords several times that I work nights. That was... probably 4.5 hours of sleep, woken up by a diesel engine and a whirring steel blade 2 feet away from my head, when I have PTSD. And I remember being on the phone with her, and she... wasn't even sympathetic. She was acting as though me being upset with that was like... unreasonable. Like it didn't make sense or something, like it was bad for me to be upset. That has happened so many times, I can't even count. Just completely dismissing my perfectly reasonable upset, claiming to be "supportive". Spoiler - dismissive is like... the opposite of supportive.

Dead honest, it feels like exploitation. Like my struggles are being exploited and used as like... fun little projects so they can farm "thank you's" and "praise". And they can just bat their eyelashes... or raise their voice and threaten... to twist me into doing all the steps, all the heavy lifting for them. Getting to understand the general situation, identifying all the relevant factors at play, understanding how I feel about it and its importance, putting themselves in my shoes (easy as fuck when you get the other person to put themselves in their own shoes...), start brainstorming options, come up with a plan, delegate responsibility. It all falls on my lap.

This isn't fucking supporting someone who is clearly overwhelmed with emotions. This is watching someone fucking work, while you sit there and look at your fucking Apple Watch and wait for your shopping list to be handed to you, then you click like 6 fucking buttons and BOOM. Problem solved. MY GODDAMN HERO.

Meanwhile. I'm fucking alone. And they have learned absolutely nothing about my life, nothing about my work, nothing about my struggles or how to help me. Because they cut. Fucking. Corners. Because they used emotional manipulation and "poor me, I'm too dumb or old or female or 'don't care about your stupid hobbies' or whatever excuse I can think of in the moment" to coerce me into solving my own problem, for an audience, and then swoop in to gobble up all of my well-earned self-esteem boost from having conquered that obstacle.

Let me tell you what gaming and skateboarding taught me. That apparently these fucking people didn't learn. Those who have never eaten shit 200 times trying a kickflip... will never fucking come close to understanding the value of landing your first kickflip. Those who have never gotten shredded over and over and over by the Taurus Demon in Dark Souls, because you're brand new to the series, you don't know anything about it, you're doing everything you can and you just keep getting fucking stomped. They will never understand what it feels like to finally beat it. Because they quit. Half the time, they don't even attempt it more than once. They just... never try.

You wanna act like clocking in hours and making someone else work your shift is the same value as actually doing the work yourself? You see... I'm gonna keep going with the skate and gaming analogy here. You think you're cheating others. You think that. Say you look up some video on how to beat Taurus Demon. You don't figure it out yourself. You don't learn his move-set, you don't learn your own move-set, you don't use the terrain, you just look up some tutorial online and just copy what they did. What the fuck do you do at the next boss? Hmm? <checks watch> Hmm? No clue, huh. Guess... you're gonna look that boss up too, right? At that point, you're doing a color by numbers and calling it "painting". You're nuking a microwave dinner and calling it "cooking". And most people (I wish I was exaggerating, truly most people) hold themselves back from doing this only because of the judgement of others. Only because people might find out they're "cheating" and they might "get in trouble". Like they're some 14 year old hiding in the garage smoking their aunt's cigarettes or something.

What they don't realize. Is that they cheat themselves. They cheat themselves out of learning, and subsequently growing. LEARNING. IS. OVERCOMING. OBSTACLES. Learning is failing, taking notes, getting back up and learning again. That is literally the definition of learning. There is no learning without risk of failing to learn. And the only way you guarantee that you do not learn... is to give up, or to cheat.

I'm so fed up with this. I just can't do it. I feel like the only support I'm going to get at all is money. So... if that's how things stand... I really shouldn't be giving anything more than... work orders. I should just send shopping lists or something. It feels gross. But the rest of it kinda just feels like a fragile façade right now. Caring about how I feel? Didn't see much of that today, in fact... I got about 10 minutes of actual concern for how I felt, and about 2.5 hours of having my own feelings and my expression of those feelings weaponized against me, and leveraged to explain to me very clearly that the reason I am not getting support or assistance in my life... is because I'm a poor communicator.

I. The writer. The artist. The musician. The radio broadcaster. The streamer. The storyteller. The poet. AM A BAD COMMUNICATOR. AND I NEED TO WORK ON IT. BECAUSE I SUCK AT COMMUNICATING. I WONDER WHY I STRUGGLE TO MEET PEOPLE. I WONDER WHY I'M SO SELF CONSCIOUS ABOUT MY WORK AND SEE MYSELF AS AN IMPOSTOR. I've had this shit ground into my head weekly for over 4 years straight, with minimal breaks, no break longer than... a month or two. THE ENTIRE PANDEMIC. I wish I was exaggerating!

So... I have gathered very clearly that... this is not a safe environment for me to express my honest emotions. My feelings that were inhibiting my communication, that were holding feelings back, that were restricting my expression and keeping them internal? They were correct. Those were correct assessments. So... I'm going to have to keep my distance. Isolation be damned. It's better to be alone and free than whatever the fuck I was subjected to again today.

I learned that with my ex. I had about 6-8 months of freedom from those behaviors... then my mom brought it back in. If she can't keep those behaviors away from me, I will be forced to cut off my last family member.

Well... not my last. I still have my older brother. And my nephew. So, that's very good. I really need to keep reminding myself that.

Okay, let's move to something more positive, shall we? I prototyped the desire path project today. I got really obsessed at the end of the night last night with... exploring a natural environment first person. Like... if I'm going to be the traveler (rather than AI) in this project, I'd like to actually go on the journey, not just move a pen around on a paper. I went with Minecraft. I remembered that there was a minimap mod that tracked your recent movements, Xaero's maps. I got them set up, and even contacted the developer to see if he could give me a tutorial on how to tweak the values on the trail - it leaves little red x's on the map behind you, but at a pretty large time interval (so not a ton of detail, lots of spacing between x's in the trail) and they disappeared after about 60 seconds. I was trying to see if he could let me know how to manually adjust the placement interval and the duration, so I didn't have to screenshot the fucking map every 60 seconds. Welp... he didn't. He got back to me after like 3 hours, which is cool, but he said he'd consider it for a future patch. Then I get lectured for 3 hours about how I'm a bad communicator - when I literally communicated verbatim "could you throw together a quick tutorial for me on how I could manually alter the values in your mod to get this effect? I'm not very experienced with coding" Yeah, guess I didn't ask 3 times, my fucking bad. Maybe I'll just draw a fucking diagram next time.

So after the stupid bullshit with my mom, I started tracking. I started at a village and set random waypoints around the map. I set the spacing way too fucking far, because I wanted to wander and to have a fun adventure... but I bit off a lot more than I could chew. So... I ended up narrowing it down to just going to one Point of Interest for now. So... my first journey, I had the general direction of where I was headed, and the waypoint would pop up to guide me in if I got within 250m of it. Otherwise I'd never find it, and I liked the whole... gravitational pull aspect of it. So I got super lost, explored a lot and then eventually found the waypoint. I set up a big shrine at this location as a visual marker. Then I headed back, doing the same process, screenshotting every minute or so. After every trip, I'd stitch the screenshots together in GIMP and trace my trail. The first trip was something around 30 screenshots, the last one was 11. I started to get a feel for the environment, learning little landmarks with each pass. There was a village about 2/3 of the way there, there was a sharp corner area by a bay that I used as a reference point, two river crossings where I tried to be a bit realistic and cross at the narrowest place I could visually find. And each trip, I learned more and more landmarks. I did the trip 5 times in total. Then I put all my trips on top of the master map and looked for overlaps. I went back into the world and used a shovel to make path blocks and added torch markers on a fence post where 3 or more paths overlapped, to simulate a desire path, a well-traveled area. There wasn't a ton of overlap on paths, but there was a surprising amount, a lot more than I thought when I did it. I felt half-lost every time.

Now, when I do this again tomorrow, there will be some established trails to keep an eye out for. I will make a point to use a trail every time I see one, as long as it's heading towards my destination or a landmark I know. The torches will make them super visible at night. And as I continue to do this trip between Riverside and Bright Point Shrine, more and more ground will be converted into path. Sand will be compacted into sandstone, dirt will be compacted into paths. I might do bridges eventually, but I'm not quite there yet. I'm curious to see how dramatically the new paths narrow my wandering and... tame my travel into a deliberate direction. I plan to screenshot, stitch and track every trip... which is laborious but doable... and then add the trips to the master every 5 trips. And continue the rule - everywhere there are 3 or more paths overlapping is now compressed and has a torch marker.

Oh, and since I'm on markers... <eyeroll> ... I got my fabric paint. I just... didn't have time to work on my hoodie with everything. It's just sitting on my work table. Maybe tomorrow at some point. I'd really like to, these pens look like they're going to do some real good work for me. I think the mandala on the back of my hoodie is going to get some... I'm still trying to decide. I definitely want to add a metallic to it, I'm very drawn to silver right now. I'm just not sure about what other color. I feel like red is a bit too menacing for this hoodie. Maybe white? We can see how opaque the white is? I mean... that's the real test of an opaque paint pen, put white paint on a black hoodie. If that works, fucking every one of those should be solid gold. I'm just back and forth about like... testing... on this. BUT, this was supposed to be the test hoodie! I just got really attached to it! XD

Glad for the vibe reset. Lots of cool things coming down the pipeline. Trying to stay focused on that. And yeah, maybe this is good incentive to get the fuck out to the skatepark and meet new people, to just like... prove that not all people are stuck in these nasty habits like my ex and my mom. I can't let their paranoia about my emotions... make me feel like my emotions aren't safe to have around other people. I'm not a pitbull, I'm a pacifist. I'm just super stressed out and can't catch a break.