#classical musicians humor

[blogalahezy]

[oh-great-authoress]

This is:

“Der Holle Rache”

“O zittre nicht”

“Luce di quest’anima”

“Les oiseaux dans las charmilles”

“Où va la jeune Indoue”

“Volta la terrea”

“Chacun le sait”

“Caro nome”

“Ebben? Ne andrò lontano”

“Vissi d’arte”

“Follie!...Follie!... Delirio vano e questo… Sempre libera”

“Quando m’en vo”

“Un bel di”

“Una voce poco fa”

“Non più mesta”

“L’amour est un oiseaux rebelles”

“Près des ramparts des Séville”

“Nessun dorma”

“E lucevan le stelle”

“M’appari”

“Una furtiva lagrima”

“Pour mon âmes, quel destin”

“Di quella pira”

“Il balen del suo sorriso”

Erasure!

Been a while since I made opera memes, innit

[half-facedfig]

“I always hear that one Led Zeppelin lyric as ‘you need kool aid’…Like, yes Mr. Plant I would like some kool aid”

-My best friend

[deadviolinist]

[ in polish ]

Humor muzyka : Fortepian spadł ze schodów

[ilovehomer]

Nothing clouds a good day like walking into rehearsal and finding out the concert is next week 🚶‍♀️

[georgefarmer]

[leviosally]

Hilarious!! Ithzak my beloved! 😍😆

OK @leviosally and fans of Play for Me the Music of Your Heart fic, here is another video.

This one is the incomparable Ithzak Perlman with Peter Schickle, and John Williams conducting. 🤣🤣🤣

Like Victor Borge, I grew up watching the antics of Ithzak. Brilliant violinist and funny!

[7ndipity]

Their Ideal Types

Ot7

Summary: What I believe the members ideal types would be.

Warnings: Swearing, not proofread

A/N: Thanks to the lovely anon who requested this! Please bear in mind tho that these are just my personal opinions, based on what I’ve observed from their personalities and with some references to their astrology charts(if you’re not into that, just ignore those points on each list)

Masterlist

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Jin:

His Capricorn venus means that he’s a little old fashioned in his style of romance, which I think reflects in his statements in the past about being a classic hopeless romantic. He wants someone who he can sweep off their feet and eventually settle down with.

I don’t think he has a huge preference on age, I feel like he’d kinda want either a little older/younger rather than the same age tho.

He’s said once that he wanted someone a little on the chubby side(granted, this was years ago, so I don’t know if that’s still true), he also strikes me as someone who would be drawn more to the classic ‘girly’ vibe(pastel colors, flowy layers, fluffy sweaters, etc) but I think the main vibe he’d look for in a partner is comfort. I don’t quite know how else to describe it other than ‘Ghibli vibes’ if that makes sense?

He would want someone with a classy/graceful air, who’s confident in themselves and not afraid to take the lead sometimes and stand up for themselves.

Someone mature, but not too serious, with a good sense of humor and who’s not afraid to be silly sometimes. Someone affectionate, but not overly clingy.

Someone patient and understanding, who makes it easy for him to open up and be vulnerable.

Yoongi:

Pisces are already very deep feeling signs, but coupled with his Venus in Aries, Yoongi can sometimes come off rather intense in regards to relationships. He’s very matter of fact about his feelings sometimes, and I think he wants someone who can match his frankness. He doesn’t have patience for mind games, if you’re into him, fucking say it.

He’s said before that he doesn’t really have a type, at least when it comes to physical appearances or styles. Imo tho, I feel like he would be into someone with a casual, more tomboyish style(oversized hoodies/sweaters, layered shirts, sneakers, shorter hair)

Doesn’t really have a preference on age either.

He’s said before that he wanted someone similar to himself, with a deep passion for music and creating. Obviously, that doesn’t mean you have to be a professional artist/musician(I actually think he would prefer someone outside the industry, or at least outside the Idol/Kpop sphere), but he definitely needs someone who’s a fellow creative type who can understand that side of him.

Someone patient and warm, with an infectious energy that can help bring his mood up(kinda like Hobi), with a sharp sense of humor like his own.

I think he would like someone who’s somewhat independent, who knows what they want and isn’t willing to take shit from anyone.

Hobi:

His Pisces Venus means he’s very go with the flow when it comes to relationships, so he would want something very relaxed, without any chase or mind games, or anything too rushed either. He wants someone he can just ‘be’ with.

I think he’d prefer someone slightly younger, not significantly tho, just a couple years or so.

I think he’d be into someone ‘cute’, though maybe not necessarily in fashion sense, moreso just their general energy. Style-wise, I think he’d like someone who similar taste as him, more streetwear type clothes.

Someone bright and easygoing, who’s equally happy with going out or staying at home and doing nothing. Someone energetic, who not afraid to be silly at times.

Someone very sweet, kind and gracious(lowkey think he would be into the “mom friend” personality)

He’s said before he wanted to feel cherished in a relationship, so I think he would want someone he can take care of, big fan of skinship(bordering on a little clingy). Someone who makes him feel needed/wanted, who dotes on him over little things.

Namjoon:

Namjoon is like a textbook Virgo, very grounded and practical. However, his Venus in Scorpio means he’s quite intense emotionally and sexually, so he would want a partner that can balance or match his intensity.

I think he would prefer someone his age or slightly younger.

I remember Jk saying once that Joon was into the ‘cute but sexy’ vibe, and I think that’s still true to an extent, he finds people with range very attractive. I don’t know that he really has a preferred style, maybe something more simplistic like his?

He would definitely like someone confident and independent, who can hold their own in a conversation or argument, but still polite and open minded. Someone that can challenge him and his own perceptions.

Someone intelligent, career/goal driven, and creatively minded, someone who he can go to museums/art exhibits with.

I think he would also really like someone who’s into fitness and working out like he is(lowkey loves the idea of gym dates), but it’s not a necessity for him.

Jimin:

He’s a classic Libra to his core(which I love abt him but it also drives me crazy). As much as he loves to tease, he doesn’t have the patience for too much chase or playing hard to get. He wants someone who’ll be honest about their feelings.

I think he would want someone close to his age, a little older/younger doesn’t make much difference to him.

He said before that he tends to prefer cuter appearance/vibes, but with his Venus in Scorpio, I think he would be drawn to someone with a bit of a darker, sensual contrast in their personality or looks, kinda like him.

He’s a hopeless romantic,(his favorite movies are the Notebook and Like Crazy, he’s a major softie) wants someone he can fall with and yeah, be a bit melodramatic with.

Someone warm, but slightly introverted, maybe even a little shy. Someone kind, open minded, and patient, but willing to stand up and speak their mind when they need to.

Someone who makes him feel needed(another Libra trait) Someone who can keep up with, or even match, his flirty nature.

Taehyung:

As an Aquarius Venus, he tends to be drawn towards people with unique, unconventional beauty/style. He wants someone who’s not afraid to go against the norm to be themselves(tho he would love it if you have similar love for vintage aesthetic like him)

Idk why, but he gives me “When Harry met Sally” vibes. Like, despite his fascination with romanticism as an aesthetic, I think he really prefers to go the friends to lovers route. He wants someone he feels comfortable with first and foremost. He falls slowly and then all at once.

I don’t think he has much preference on age, but he’d probably like someone his age or maybe slightly older.

I think he’d kinda be into the “mom friend” personality. I’ve said it before, he really likes being taken care of, even if it’s just in little ways like fixing his hair or buttoning his coat before he leaves in the morning.

Someone slightly more extroverted, who makes friends easily, likes kids and animals.

Someone sensitive and mature, but who he can still be goofy and random with, who’ll play along with his skits and tangents(like jimin does)

Jungkook:

Although he seems more drawn towards classic feminine style, I think he’d actually find someone with a similar style to his really attractive, even if it’s just in color palette. I don’t think he really has a type stylistically tho.

Despite Libra Venus’ tendency to look for partners that they have an immediate connection with, they actually prefer the ‘friends to lovers’ route, and I think that’s very accurate for him.

He’s kinda into the chase(literally the entire Seven video like👀), so he likes a partner that plays a little hard to get and teases/challenges him sometimes, but only sometimes.

I think he’d prefer someone his age, or maybe even a little older(He has a noona/hyung kink, I will die on this hill)

Like Joon, I think he’d really appreciate who’s into fitness/working out/boxing(lowkey, if you can hold your own wrestling with him, he’s got heart eyes)

Someone confident, independant, and artistic with a good sense of humor. Someone well mannered and patient(rudeness is an instant turnoff for him). Someone who can challenge him, but in a gentle, non-critical manner.

Taglist: @sopebubbles-replies @btsw1fe @this-must-be-my-tardis @whitefoxgirl @bethanysnow @coffeedepressionsoup @main-bangtansmauyeondan @feminympho @a-gayish-unicorn @captainorangegoose @k4ngelz

[luvzshy]

Harmonious Nights

Summary: In the comfort of your shared home, you balance your passion for music with a playful relationship with Billie Eilish. As you navigate life together, you find inspiration in your creative space, while Billie adds her unique flair and support.

Word Count: Approximately 2,500 words.

Warnings: Fluff, humor, light angst, sarcasm.

The soft glow of the string lights hung above your home studio, creating an inviting atmosphere. The walls were adorned with framed posters of classic bands, and your drum kit took center stage. With a set of sticks in hand, you sat at the kit, feeling the familiar buzz of excitement as you prepared to dive into another session.

Just as the first beat reverberated through the room, the door creaked open, and in walked Billie Eilish. Her deep brown hair reflected the warm light, and her blue eyes sparkled with mischief. She leaned against the door frame, arms crossed, and tilted her head, a playful smirk tugging at her lips.

“What’s up, rockstar?” she teased, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Gonna wake the neighbors again with your ‘drumming skills’?”

“Excuse me,” you shot back, rolling your eyes dramatically. “This is pure artistry you’re witnessing, Billie. Not everyone can appreciate the complexities of a paradiddle.”

Billie laughed, stepping further into the room. “Right, because the world is just dying to hear your ‘paradiddles’ at three in the morning.”

You chuckled, a grin spreading across your face. “Well, I’d argue it’s better than your midnight snack escapades, but we both know you wouldn’t survive without your stash of chips.”

“Oh, come on,” Billie retorted, mock offense in her tone. “I can’t help it if I have a refined palate. You know, potato chips are a culinary masterpiece.”

With a playful roll of your eyes, you picked up the rhythm again, letting the beats flow. Billie watched for a moment, admiring the way you lost yourself in the music. It was one of the things she loved most about you—the passion, the way you poured everything into your art.

“Okay, but seriously,” Billie said, leaning against the wall, “do you think we could maybe jam together sometime? You know, I can actually sing.”

You paused, turning to her with an exaggeratedly serious expression. “Sing? Billie, darling, you know you have to leave some talents for the rest of us mortals.”

Billie gasped, hand clutching her chest in mock horror. “How dare you! I’ll have you know I’m an acclaimed artist.”

“An acclaimed artist who sings in the shower and has an entire album about being sad,” you quipped, laughter dancing in your eyes.

“Touché,” Billie replied, a chuckle escaping her lips. “But I can still hold my own against your drumming. Just wait till I unleash my hidden talent on you.”

“Hidden talent? What’s next, you’re going to tell me you can play the bagpipes too?”

She winked, pushing herself off the wall and stepping closer. “Only for very special occasions.”

“Great, now I’m worried about what ‘special occasion’ means,” you said, shaking your head.

You returned to the kit, letting the beat drive you, your heart swelling with inspiration. The comfortable banter between you and Billie was a rhythm of its own, a dance of love and playful irritation. As you played, you could feel her gaze on you, a warm presence that added a layer of support.

Suddenly, a beat dropped, and Billie couldn’t resist. She started to sway, a playful grin lighting up her face as she danced around the studio, teasingly mimicking exaggerated drum moves. “Look at me! I’m a drummer now!”

“Wow, I’m impressed,” you said, pausing to clap. “Truly, the world needed another self-proclaimed musician.”

“Careful,” she warned, stepping closer, “or I might just steal your thunder and become the next rock sensation.”

“Right. Billie Eilish: Drummer Extraordinaire. Just what the music industry needs.”

As the playful teasing continued, your focus shifted to the sounds of the outside world. You loved this quiet, suburban life—how it felt like a sanctuary, away from the chaos of fame and the relentless demands of the industry. Here, in your home, you could be yourself, sharing moments that felt genuine and unfiltered.

“Hey,” Billie said softly, breaking the playful tension, “what are you working on tonight? Any new beats?”

You sighed, pulling back slightly. “I’m trying to come up with something for my next project. I want it to feel… I don’t know, different. Like it’s something fresh.”

Billie stepped closer, resting her hands on the edge of the drum kit. “Why don’t you show me what you’ve got? I could use a little inspiration myself.”

“Okay, but if you start judging my ‘paradiddles’ again, I’m kicking you out of the studio,” you replied, your tone light.

“Fair enough. Just don’t make me cry,” Billie shot back, a wink in her eyes.

With a mock salute, you returned to the drums, setting a new tempo. As you played, the rhythm enveloped you, and Billie’s presence transformed the atmosphere. You felt invigorated, the beats morphing into a flowing melody that echoed your shared life together.

Billie listened intently, her head nodding in time with the rhythm. “See? This is what I’m talking about,” she said, excitement bubbling in her voice. “You’ve got something special here!”

You smiled, feeling the warmth of her encouragement wash over you. “Thanks, babe. It helps having you here. You always know how to inspire me.”

“I try,” she said, a playful lilt in her voice. “I mean, it’s not easy being this fabulous.”

“Fabulous? You’re practically dripping with sarcasm,” you retorted, laughter bubbling between you.

“Well, darling, if you can’t be fabulous, you might as well be funny.”

“Touché again,” you said, shaking your head with a grin. “You really have a knack for this.”

As the night wore on, you transitioned into a more relaxed vibe, exchanging playful banter and soft kisses in between beats. The drumsticks danced through the air, while Billie hummed melodies that floated through the room, blending with the sound of the drums.

Eventually, you found yourselves nestled on the couch, a comfortable pile of limbs and laughter. The warmth of your shared space wrapped around you like a blanket, and Billie rested her head on your shoulder, her fingers tracing patterns on your arm.

“You know,” she murmured, “this is my favorite part of the day. Just being here with you, creating these moments.”

You glanced down, a soft smile tugging at your lips. “I agree. There’s something magical about these nights.”

Billie lifted her head, her blue eyes shimmering with mischief. “But let’s be real, you just love that I’m here to keep you grounded, right?”

“Sure, that’s definitely the reason,” you replied, your voice dripping with sarcasm. “Who wouldn’t want their rockstar girlfriend around to keep their ego in check?”

“Exactly! Just think of me as your personal assistant, but with pretty face.”

You both burst into laughter, the sound echoing through the room. In those moments, the world outside faded away, leaving just the two of you—lost in your cocoon of love and creativity.

[tinykittendelusion]

Seventeen as characters in books I'll never write

a/n: my brain comes up with kinda good ideas on a flight

triggers:

Jun: The enigmatic detective in a noir thriller who has a soft spot for you. He’s both thrilling and deeply caring, balancing danger with affection.

S.Coups: The strong, protective warrior in a fantasy novel who has a soft spot only for you. He would fight armies just to keep you safe.

Jeonghan: The mischievous fae prince in a fantasy romance who loves to play pranks but is fiercely devoted when it comes to you. He combines magic with romance.

Joshua: The classic gentleman in a Regency-era romance who is a master of courtship. His letters and gestures are straight out of a Jane Austen novel.

Hoshi: The daring explorer in an adventure novel who takes you on wild journeys across exotic locations, making each experience thrilling and unforgettable.

Wonwoo: The quiet, intellectual librarian in a contemporary romance, who spends more time reading than talking but knows exactly how to touch your soul with his words.

Woozi: The modern-day music producer in a contemporary romance who composes love songs inspired by your relationship, capturing every moment in melody.

Dokyeom: The energetic, upbeat actor in a romantic comedy who lights up your life with his charm and humor, making every day feel like an adventure.

Mingyu: The hardworking, rugged rancher in a rural romance who finds joy in the simple things, showing you how to appreciate life’s small pleasures.

Minghao: The philosophical wanderer in a travel memoir who shares his life lessons and cultural experiences with you, creating a deep, meaningful connection.

Seungkwan: The lively, charismatic bookstore owner in a contemporary romance, who spends more time making others laugh than sitting still but knows exactly how to lift your spirits with his infectious energy and heartfelt words.

Vernon: The laid-back, cool musician in an indie romance, who makes you mixtapes and takes you to underground concerts.

Dino: The earnest, young hero in a coming-of-age story, who grows into his strength and confidence with your support and love.

[canisalbus]

Is Lauri, if I read that correctly, Vasco's sister? I think she's been mentioned before in the Modern AU Tag Lore (i think it was something like maybe Vasco's sister marries someone Finnish, hence Machete having cute Finnish socks), and I'm curious about her! Is she as bright and sweet as Vasco?

I love your work and characters so greatly, btw <3

Lauri is the Finnish husband actually! The twin sisters are named Benedetta and Giovanna.

Benedetta, the older sister, is a professional orchestral musician. She plays cello, and her husband Lauri (a west siberian laika cross from eastern Finland) plays trombone, they met at a classical music festival. She's creative, sensible, rational and shy, but may seem a bit conceited and pretentious. She and Lauri live somewhere in the southern coast of Finland with their three children.

I haven't decided what Giovanna does for a living. I think she might do or used to do dressage. She's independent, highly competitive, resourceful and very reliable, but her brutal honestly can come across as hurtful and catty. She's a lone wolf compared to her siblings and has never expressed an interest for starting a family. She travels a lot.

The twins of course share a close bond with each other and as a result Vasco was often left as a third wheel or excluded completely when they were younger. They used to pick on him a bit, in a typical older sibling way. Nowadays Benedetta lives abroad and Giovanna is busy with her own pursuits, so Vasco doesn't see them very often, but they get along fine.

Lauri is calm, friendly and down to earth. He doesn't speak Italian and the rest (apart from Benedetta who is making good progress) don't speak Finnish so they mostly communicate in English. He's easy to like, Vasco in particular enjoys having a brother-in-law, after growing up with girls.

Machete is having trouble finding a common wavelength with Giovanna. He doesn't get her sense of humor and finds her needlessly rude, and she seems to enjoy pushing his buttons. But he immediately took a liking to Benedetta, their personalities and interests overlap a lot (that's how he ended up with those socks).

[harrisonarchive]

On December 13, 1984, George Harrison — introduced as “Arnold Grove from Liverpool — joined Deep Purple on stage in Sydney, Australia.

“I met George several times at his house, at Ian Paice’s, and in a small pub where we celebrated the birthday of one of Deep Purple’s roadies. George was always friendly and had a thoroughly wicked sense of humor. [...] The admiration for his wife and family was not hard to spot!” - Pete York, translated from GoodTimes, 6/2011 “We were very close, I adored him. He was one of the most delightful of men. I thought he was an astonishingly good musician. I thought he had a way of looking at harmony that was quite unusual. He’s often overshadowed – and people have said that before. It’s not an original thought. But he was often overshadowed by Lennon and McCartney because they were so prolific.” - Jon Lord, interview conducted by Rick Wakeman, Ultimate Classic Rock, December 13, 2015

[th3-0bjectivist]

Dear listener, this will be my final musical entry for 24’ and for several months, and we’re gonna end it with Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, one of the elite few great classical composers of all time. I feel like these days, classical music has been somewhat devalued and relegated to running in the background of ultra-absorbent paper towel commercials. This is a damn shame, because classical music changed music on planet Earth forever, and composers like Mozart once represented bleeding-edge innovation in the realm of music. For his time, Mozart wrote music in every available and accessible genre and excelled at each of them as well. Much like classical music in a broad sense, WAM attempted to create works that were universal in application. Much like me, the man genuinely enjoyed pleasing every segment of his wide-ranging audience with his personal versatility. Is it any wonder that you’re familiar with WAM’s name and works even though you weren’t even living during his era? So, how do men like this become immortalized? Join me below for an answer from some guy on the internet. Just above is The Requiem in D minor, K. 626, a piece Mozart didn’t even finish before he died. It is haunting, beautiful and really exemplifies WAM’s range. Thank you, all my dear listeners on Tumblr, for celebrating another year of music with me. I’ll be doing more of the same next year as well, but without further ado… the WAM you’ve been waiting for.

Dying young at 35 but filling his entire short life with his own firebrand of musical creativity, WAM started his career at an extremely fresh-faced 5 years old when he wrote his first keyboard composition. He wrote his first SYMPHONY when he was an 8-year-old… and I don’t know if anyone is aware of this but, that kind of natural compositional talent doesn’t exactly grow on trees these days, or even hundreds of years in the past. Like many other classical artists, WAM was brought up in the Church, specifically in the Catholic faith. He is well known for composing ‘divinely inspired works’, specifically designed for Mass between Epistle and Gospel. Performing for imperial courts as a mere child and then going on to create 600 + total musical works in his lifetime, WAM wasn’t just some musician from Austria; he was a Bonafide genius. He could speak over a dozen languages, was awarded the Order of the Golden Spur by Pope Clement XIV and was perhaps one of the most notable and famous Freemasons of all-time. WAM even went as far as producing openly masonic works like The Magic Flute and Thomas, King of Egypt. Unlike other classical artists (Brahms, Beethoven, Vivaldi), WAM was a family man who cherished his children but left very little to them because of his excessive drinking, extravagant general spending, and personal generosity. His lack of money-management aside, WAM stands tall as one of the most, if not the MOST famous Austrian musician of all time. Fun fact: WAM loved fart and poop jokes. I’m NOT kidding. He went as far as writing scatological music for his recreational and drunk buddies and quipped about his bowel movements to close friends and family members in numerous letters. Why would I mention this, you may ask? Because, for his time, this man was a walking immortal on Earth. Mozart’s shit-based humor humanizes him to me, and I love how this yester century genius thought absolutely anything coming out of the human ass was hilarious. Having been subject to numerous infections and bumps on his skin before his untimely death, WAM died young and under entirely mysterious circumstances which have never been properly identified or explained. Just below, you’ll find The Best of Mozart. Smash play, enjoy, Happy New Year. It was a pleasure, as always, to provide Tumblr with music and information in 24’.

A prodigy, more versatile than his contemporaries, and more influential than the vast, vast majority of any common musician…Mozart is a legend and an inspiration. Is it any wonder that his surname is well-known even to this day… even though he had no grandchildren? Image source: https://www.redbubble.com/i/kids-t-shirt/Wolfgang-Amadeus-Mozart-digital-painting-in-high-resolution-by-hypnotzd/142756337.VXRIW

[brynnterpretations]

WHAT MUSIC THE LOSERS CLUB LISTENS TO ☻

Ben Hanscom

Ben loves sentimental ‘80s pop and boy bands, with his favorite artists being New Edition, New Kids on the Block, and The Jets. It sounds good, is catchy, and most of all, resonates with Ben — say what you want about that sort of music, but the tracks are undeniably well-written (even if corny in today’s standards), and Ben loves it for the artistry and sound. Plus, the singers always look really cool.

Beverly Marsh

Bev loves female-fronted classic rock, with her favorite artists being Blondie, Joan Jett & the Blackhearts, and The Runaways. After her mother passed of breast cancer when Bev was three, the only music record she’d left behind was The Runaways’ self-titled debut album, and she listened to  it religiously. Because of that, she developed a taste for rock and alternative music led by women, and her room is chock-full of Stevie Nicks posters. 

Bill Denbrough

Bill loves folk and psychedelia, with his favorite artists being Donovan, Jefferson Airplane, and Harry Nilsson. Bill likes music that he can appreciate the lyrics of yet still “turn off his brain to”, and especially enjoys ones that are intertwined with nature (whether it’s the songwriting or the “feel” of the song). 

Eddie Kaspbrak

Eddie loves ‘60s doo-wop, with his favorite artists being . Eddie. Because he’s so sheltered that even the radio is off limits to him, Eddie grew up on older music, but he likes it — it reminds him of Coca-Cola, summer bike rides with the rest of the Losers, and sunny days. Admittedly, Eddie also is a big fan of ‘60s girl bands like The Shirelles, but he tries to hide it due to Richie being an ass. 

Mike Hanlon 

Mike loves classic rock with blues influences, with his favorite artists being Howlin’ Wolf, John Lee Hooker, and Muddy Waters. Mike was raised on the 20th-century blues powerhouses by his family — AKA Charley Patton, Robert Johnson, and Son House — and his music taste reflects that. He is a huge music guy, and takes special care of all his vinyls. 

Richie Tozier

Richie loves funky, upbeat new wave, with his favorite artists being DEVO, Oingo Boingo, and Walls of Flesh. Basically, he likes fun, textured music that stimulates his thirteen-year-old brain, with interesting lyrics that range from humorous to absolutely nonsensical. In contrast to Mike, while Richie loves music, he does not take care of his equipment, and has fried his Sony CD player from the sheer force he used to blast “Dead Man’s Party” through it. 

Stan Uris

Stan loves “big band” and swing music, with his favorite artists being Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, and Louis Armstrong. Stan-the-Man, ever prim and proper, has always been attracted to more sophisticated music, but still likes the fun, jazzy stuff that his favorite musicians offer — see “You Make Me Feel So Young” by Frank Sinatra, one of his all-time favorites.

[ironwoman359]

i saw your tag about how in 500 years we WON'T be calling britney spears' "toxic" classical music, and i am willing and able to hear this rant if you so wish to expand upon it :3c

You know what, it's been over six months, so sure, why not, let's pick today to have this rant/lesson!

To establish my credentials for those unfamiliar Hi my name's Taylor I was a music teacher up until last year when the crushing realities of the American Education SystemTM led me to quit classroom work and become a library clerk instead. But said music teaching means that I have 4+ years of professional classical training in performance and education, and while I'm by no means a historian, I know my way around the history of (european) music.

So, now that you know that I'm not just some rando, but a musical rando, let me tell you why we won't be calling Britney Spears or [insert modern musician(s) that'd be especially humorous to today's audience to call classical] "classical music."

The simple answer is that "Old music =/= Classical music," which is usually the joke being made when you see this joke in the first place.

As funny as this joke can be when executed well (this is one of my favorite versions of said joke, especially since this is a future world where there's very little accurate surviving info about the culture from the 21st century), there is VERY little likely of this actually being how music from today is referred to in the future, because, again, music being OLD does not automatically make music CLASSICAL.

If you'd indulge me a moment, have a look at these three pieces from the early 1900s, which is now over 100 years ago. That's pretty old! You don't have to listen to the whole of all of them if you don't want to, but give each around 30 seconds or so of listening.

All three pieces are over 100 years old, but would you call "In the Shade of the Old Apple Tree" classical? Or "The Entertainer?" Most likely not. You'd probably call these songs "old timey" and you may even be savvy enough to call "The Entertainer" by it's actual genre name, ragtime. But if either of these songs came on the radio, you wouldn't really call them classical, would you? They're just old.

Whereas Mahler's Symphony No. 5, now that sounds like classical music to you, doesn't it? It's got trumpets, violins, a conductor, it's being played by a philharmonic! That's a classical musicy word!

The short answer of why we in the real, nonfictional world won't be calling Britney Spears's "Toxic" classical music in 100 years is it simply doesn't sound like classical music.

.....and the long answer is that Mahler's Symphony No. 5 isn't actually classical either.

See, music, just like everything in culture from dress to art to architecture changed with the times, and therefore 'classical music' is technically (although not colloquially) only one of about four to five musical periods/styles you're likely to hear on one of those "classical music tunes to study to" playlists.

Our dear friend Mahler up there was not a classical composer, he was a composer of the late romantic era.

So now, because I have you hostage in my post (just kidding please don't scroll away I had a lot of fun writing this but it took me nearly 3 hours) I'm going to show you the difference between Classical music and the other musical eras.

These are the movements we'll be dealing with, along with the general dates that define them (remembering of course that history is complicated and the Baroque Period didn't magically begin on January 1st, 1600, or end the moment Bach died) :

The Baroque Period (1600-1750)

The Classical Period (1750-1820)

The Romantic Period (1820-1910)

The Impressionist Movement (1890-1920)

You'll notice that as time goes on, the periods themselves grow shorter, and there starts to become some overlap in the late 19th to early 20th century. The world was moving faster, changing faster, and music and art began changing faster as well. Around the beginning of the 20th century music historians quit assigning One Major style to an entire era of history and just started studying those movements themselves, especially since around the 20th century we were getting much more experimentation and unique ideas being explored in the mainstream.

Even the end of the classical to the beginning of the romantic period can get kind of fuzzy, with Beethoven, arguably one of the most famous classical (and yes he was actually classical) composers in history toeing the line between classical and romantic in his later years. The final movement of his 9th symphony, known as Ode to Joy, far more resembles a romantic work than a classical one.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself.

To oversimplify somewhat, here are the main characteristics of said movements:

The Baroque Period (1600-1750)

Music was very technical and heavily ornamented. This coincided with a very "fancy" style of dress and decoration (the rococo style became popular towards the latter half of this period). The orchestras were far smaller than we are used to seeing in concert halls today, and many instruments we consider essential would not have been present, such as the french horn, a substantial percussion section, or even the piano*. Notable composers include Vivaldi (of the Four Seasons fame), Handel (of the Messiah fame) and Bach:

*the piano as we know it today, initially called the pianoforte due to its ability to play both softly (piano) and loudly (forte) in contrast to the harpsichord, which could only play at one dynamic level, was actually invented around 1700, but didn't initially gain popularity until much later. This Bach Concerto would have traditionally been played on a harpsichord rather than a piano, but the piano really does have such a far greater expressive ability that unless a group is going for Historical Accuracy, you'll usually see a piano used in performances of baroque work today.

The Classical Period (1750-1820)

In the classical period, music became more "ordered," not just metaphorically but literally. The music was carefully structured, phrases balanced evenly in a sort of call and response manner. Think of twinkle twinkle little star's extremely balanced phrasing, itself a tune that Mozart took and applied 12 classical variations to, cementing it in popularity. And speaking of twinkle twinkle, memorable melody became more important to the composition than ornamentation, and many of our most universally known melodies in the west come from this period. The orchestra also grew bigger, adding more players of all kinds as now we didn't have to worry about overpowering the single-volume harpsichord, and additional instruments like more brass and woodwinds were added. Notable composers include Haydn (of The Surprise Symphony fame) Beethoven (of, well, Fame), and Mozart:

Pay attention to the size of the orchestra here, then go back to the Bach concerto. Notice how in that very typical Baroque setting, the orchestra sits at maybe 20 people, and that here in a Classical setting, there's nearly two times that!

The Romantic Period (1820-1910)

In the romantic period, it was all about BIG FEELINGS, MAN. It was about the DRAMA. Orchestras got even bigger than before, the music focused less on balance and became more dramatic, and there was a big focus on emotions, individualism, and nationalism. Discerning listeners will notice a lot of similarities between romantic symphonies and modern film scores; John Williams in particular is very clearly influenced by this era, any time I'd play the famous Ride of the Valkyries by Wagner in a class, the kids would remark that it sounds like it should be in Star Wars. A lot of romantic composers were German, including Beethoven, if you want to call his later works romantic (which I and many others argue you can, again, compare Ode to Joy to one of his earlier works and you can hear and see the difference), but you also have the Hungarian Liszt (of the Hungarian Rhapsodies fame), the Russian Tchaikovsky (of the Nutcracker and 1812 Overture fame), and the Czech Dvořák:

See how this orchestra is even bigger still? Modern orchestras tend to vary in size depending on what pieces they are playing, but the standard is much closer to this large, romantic size, and it's far less typical to see a small, intimate Baroque setting unless specifically attending a Baroque focused concert. Also I know I embedded Dvořák because Symphony From a New World slaps but please also listen to Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody No.2 it's one of my all time favorite pieces and NOT just because of the Tom and Jerry cartoon, alright? Alright.

The Impressionist Movement (1890-1920)

A bit after it began but definitely still during the romantic period, a counter movement began in France that turned away from the emotional excess of romanticism and focused less on standard chord progression and explored more unconventional scales. This music was less worried about how it 'should' sound and was more concerned with evoking a certain emotion or image, giving you an "impression" of an idea. Debussy is by far the most well known name in this movement, even though he personally hated the term 'impressionism,' lol.

Notice the way the periods build on each other naturally, literally, physically builds on the orchestras that came before, evolving in style and structure until you get to the late 19th and early 20th century when things were built up so big that a response to that excess started to develop, first in the impressionist movement, and then into 20th century music in general, which got much more experimental and, as we say, "weird." (frickin 12 tone scales, man)* *i do not actually dislike the sound of 12 tone, it's interesting and unique, but it is HELL to analyze in music theory, which is unfortunately when a lot of us classical musicians are first introduced to it, therefore tarnishing our relationship to the genre as we cannot separate it from our own undergrad anguish

Even if you're not a super active listener and you have a harder time discerning the difference between, say, late baroque and early classical, you cannot deny that the first piece I've linked by Bach and the last piece I've linked by Debussy sound completely different. They're both orchestral pieces (I intentionally chose all orchestral pieces as my examples here, getting into solo works, opera, and chamber ensembles would take too long), but other than that, they couldn't be more different.

Wait, so what are we talking about again?

Classical Music is first a period of music, a specific artistic movement with music typically written in Europe between 1750 and 1820 with a specific sound that is distinct from these other styles I've outlined here.

And Classical Music is second a genre. Because while academically and historically Baroque music is not classical, and Romantic music is not classical...colloquially it is. They sound similar enough that it makes sense to put them on the same playlists, the same radio stations, the same 'beats to study to' youtube compilation videos. While individuals may have favorites and preferences, it's not far fetched to say that if you like listening to one of these styles, you'll at least like one of the others.

But whether you're being broad and referring to our modern idea of the classical genre, or you're being pedantic like me and referring to a specific period of musical history (or modern compositions emulating that style, because yeah, modern compositions of all of theses styles do exist), I think we can all agree that, as much as it slaps, "Toxic" by Britney Spears is not classical music, and 500 years is unlikely to change our perspective of that.

A Traditional Ballad though?

Yeah, I can see us calling it that in 5 billion years.

(the full version of this scene is age restricted for some reason, but you can watch it here)

Anyway, thanks for reading y'all, have a good one!