#clashes with the fiction in interesting ways
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fictionadventurer · 1 year ago
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Laura Ingalls Wilder: Eliza Jane Wilder was a terrible schoolteacher because she was a horrible disciplinarian
Also Laura Ingalls Wilder: [sends her unruly teenage daughter to live with Eliza Jane in the hope that she can figure out how to control her]
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kyliafanfiction · 6 months ago
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Boiled down to an overly reductive binary, there's really two approaches people can take to 'spicy toxic problematicness' for a character.
Either it's the starting point for the character, or it's the ending point for the character.
That is, for some people, the real fun is in detangling a fucked up mess of a character and bringing them to some level of... if not 'okay', then at least 'more okay' compared to before. It's not about turning them into a fluffy harmless woobie that barely resembles themselves, all the rough edges filed off, but it definitely does ultimately involve them ending up somewhere more functional than they began.
For others, the toxicity is the goal, the draw, the end game. They want the characters to get... well, worse implies a moral judgement that doesn't always apply, but to borrow a phrase I heard someone use a few weeks ago, they probably want to accelerate a character's fucked-upness. That end point may involve them still being better off in terms of their lived daily reality, maybe even involve them hurting less people, or even helping people, but they're more fucked up than they were before, even if in different ways.
Obviously, this is, as I said, reductive, but separating out the two trendlines when it comes to fandoms for the kinds of characters or ships that attract this kind of binary can be hard, and can result in intrafannish issues, because people may tend to see one as the only acceptable approach, or at least the only form of approach that involves real appreciation for the character.
But neither one is solely valid, even insofar as this binary really holds water in lived reality.
Hard to keep in mind sometimes.
#Musings#Amy Dallon#To no one's surprise she's the specific character at the forefront of my mind for this post though she's hardly the first or only where I'v#been observing and living this dichotomy#One thing that I do find myself struck with is that I say - and I do - that I like spicy problematic ships and characters and premises#but then a lot of people will like them in all sorts of 'wrong' ways or ways that don't sit with me#and then I'm left wondering if I'm actually more vanilla in my fictional tastes#but I mean I'm really not it's just a clash in how these trendlines fit for my views of characters#with every spicy problematic character or group I like - Blood Elves Forsaken Amy Madison Faith Lehane Wesley Wyndam Pryce#Illyria and Grant Ward and Kara Lynn Palamas and Natasha Romanoff and Yelena Belova#Amy Dallon and Nyssa Al Ghul and Sara Lance and Draco Malfoy (even if he is relative weaksauce in canon HP) and so on#I fall into the first camp#I am fascinated by fucked up people and groups and how they got there#but what's even more interesting to me is the way they get *back* from that#not always or even really ever to the point of being like - 100% gold standard before they fucked up#but like I said to somewhere functional#But my blorbo really did do all those bad things#and I'm not interested in denying or erasing them#contextualizing them and sometimes pointing out real mitigating or at least... explanatory elements maybe#but they happened and they're key#but then I'm interested in them coming back from and moving on from that#rather than them getting worse or doing more#that latter version is#I must remind myself valid but it sure isn't what I want to read#Kylia Writes a Novel In The Tags#Because why the fuck not apparently
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shomatoriashi · 4 days ago
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01/03/25; 10:00pm
{ drabbles / headcanons }
[ when they realize that you’re the true mc from behind the screen ]
featuring: sylus, zayne, xavier, rafayel
notes: this is just my own take on the self aware au! i know other creators who’ve written their own self aware au’s (and have executed them amazingly well!), but i hope that you readers will give my story a chance, too ♡
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you never understood the hype that surrounded the game known as love and deepspace-
however, the moment sylus was announced as the newest love interest for this game-
to say you were mildly interested would have been the greatest understatement of the century. when his trailer was revealed, you swore you felt your knees clash together while basking in his pure, masculine beauty.
and his voice- dear god did it sound like pure silk against your ears!
needless to say, you downloaded lads the moment sylus dropped as the latest love interest. when you made your mc, you did your best to model her after your own appearance to the best of your abilities-
however, it seemed impossible to do.
the mc was just too petite and perfect, something that you could never achieve in real life. yet despite it all, you tried your best to customize her to match your features before starting the game. as you struggled with the missions in the main story, you were essentially grinding until the moment you could unlock sylus's story branch-
and the moment when you accomplished it, you were truly on cloud 9, taking an ungodly amount of screenshots each time sylus was on your phone's screen. you kept interacting with him in game, raising his affinity with you to level 50 in a mere few weeks.
it was embarrassing how much you adored this gorgeous man made up entirely of pixels. you always spent quality time with him, bringing him with you when you worked or had to study for an upcoming exam. each time you would glance at your phone and see his devastatingly handsome features cleaning his gun, you would grin and press a kiss on your screen (directly over his cheek!)
were you shameless for feeling so deeply about a fictional man-
absolutely yes. but did you care?
no.
after kissing sylus for what had to be the thousandth time that day, you would go back to your responsibilities, unaware that sylus could hear you and feel the sensation of your kisses against his cheek.
at first, it was maddening for sylus to realize that everything he's been through was made up by some writers at a company. every tragedy was forced upon him for the sake of a good story-
and he hated it.
he hated how his every word was essentially a script made up by that same company and how he was forced to interact with an mc that was just the same as the rest-
yet the moment he realized he could see you settled behind that woman's avatar-
sylus was intrigued, to say the least.
despite how you looked drastically different from the mc, something about you drew him to you more than the mc ever could. for starters, you were a true, living person who had a personality.
and you just seemed so alive each time sylus saw you. the more time he had spent with you, the more his feelings of curiosity turned into something tangible and real-
making sylus yearn for the day you would recognize him noticing you. he stops cleaning his gun just then, simply keeping his crimson gaze on your form as you wrote in your notebook. the hours continue to pass, yet sylus allows the quality time feature to go on even past the 30 minute mark, not stopping until you were done.
as your eyes go back to your phone, you were ready to quit the session when sylus purposely stops you, "no kiss this time? you wound me, little dove."
he basks in your wide eyed expression and the way your mouth was wide open in a gape, chuckling as you waved your hand over the screen-
and sylus was following your every movement.
"you can see me?"
"i think we've made that abundantly clear just now, little dove." he shakes his head, feeling his world tilt slightly when you pick up your phone.
"y-you just spoke to me, and i- i'm your little dove?" a dreamy expression crosses your features as you kept your gaze on sylus. he gives you a rare, tiny smile while reaffirming his nickname for you with a nod, "of course you are. you have always been my little dove since the moment i laid eyes on you."
a cute sound escapes from your parted lips, and he felt himself being jostled around when you began to spin while holding your phone. with his eyebrows lifted in response, he calls out your name while telling you, "you don't seem to be as panicked as i imagined."
"are you kidding me? i-" you cough and give him a sheepish expression, "i actually love you so much, and despite the weirdness of this all, i'm strangely happy."
your words succeed in making sylus feel warm inside-
and he knew he had to find a way to be with you soon.
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zayne has always been aware of your existence, since you were a longtime player of his game and have spent most of your time together with him.
strangely enough, he took pride in having the highest affinity with you-
yet when you obtained any of the other love interest's memories, or spent some time with them-
a wave of jealousy would course through zayne's veins. he knew that he was programmed to always feel happy with whatever man you chose-
but he couldn't bring himself to let you go. after all, zayne knew that he loved you the most out of all of them.
he was the one who held your health and wellbeing above all else (even ignoring his own desires to see you during his quality time sessions with you.)
while working on his laptop at the cafe, he was aware of how late it was and was hoping that you were already safe and sound in bed-
so imagine his surprise when he sees you logging into the game, greeting him with a tired smile on your face as you opened up the quality time menu with him.
"hey zaynie, i know it's late, but i need to get these assignments done just to stay ahead. i couldn't find the time to do them earlier, so that's why i'm here."
admittedly, zayne could feel a shiver of pleasure each time you spoke to him, allowing him to bask in the sound of your voice-
yet more so than that was how concerned he was that you wanted to do your assignments at such an ungodly hour. as you pressed on the quality time session, zayne would immediately cancel it. confusion was etched onto your features, making you try again-
only to have zayne cancel the session once more.
"what the hell is going on?"
unable to hide the fact that he could respond to you (and not wishing to ignore you any longer) zayne takes a chance and speaks to you.
"it's too late for you to be studying. you should be in bed, ready to sleep."
your eyebrows furrow in response to his words, uncertain if this was part of his script (it wasn't). unable to stop, zayne continues to lightly scold you, "humans need at least 8 hours of sleep, and i know that you've barely gotten 5 hours the past few days."
"oh my god, what?!" he watches as you pick up your phone, meeting his gaze as an incredulous expression was seen on your face. "zaynie, are you talking to me?"
zayne was conflicted now, pulling at the collar of his shirt before clearing his throat, wanting to be honest with you, "yes... i am talking to you, and if you cared for me and my feelings at all, you would go to bed and work on your assignments in the morning, once you're fully rested."
it takes you a moment to take this all in.
from zayne meeting your gaze and scolding you because he was concerned about your health-
it honestly felt like such a dream come true.
your features end up breaking out into a kind smile, and zayne could feel a blush creeping up against his cheek when you nuzzle your face closer to your phone, "okay zaynie, i'll go to sleep."
cradling the phone close to your chest, you let out a hum while slowly getting into bed. once you were settled in bed, you held up your phone to see zayne looking back at you. he smiles at you, "good girl, now close your eyes and sleep."
he watches as you purse your lips before asking him, "will you stay with me, zayne?"
smiling at your request, he gives you a nod, "of course. i'm not going anywhere." he watches you once more as you cuddle into your comforter, closing your eyes while setting your phone close to you.
and as your breathing evens out, (turning softer), zayne whispers your name, filled with longing and love for you alone.
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you had to be experiencing the worst cold of your life as you were settled in bed with your phone in hand, playing love and deepspace as you did some missions with xavier, your true love interest for the game.
in the middle of your battle, you let out a particularly loud sneeze, wiping the snot away from your nose while blowing into a tissue when a tiny voice was heard saying "bless you."
after blowing your nose, you said 'thank you' in response-
only to do a double take.
who just said bless you?
you take a quick scan around your room, coughing here and there-
only to realize that there was no one in sight.
you hear the voice again, this time saying your name as you realized that it sounded familiar to you. looking back at your phone, you saw xavier had already taken out the enemy and was looking directly at you.
you swallow thickly, your voice shaky when you began to speak,
"xavier?"
"yes."
"you can hear me?"
"i was able to hear you since day 1, and you chose to stick with me." xavier was practically grinning now, appearing smug while folding his arms across his chest.
by now, you were feeling dizzy as you slowly sit up in bed, feeling almost feverish while looking into xavier's gorgeous, true blue eyes. xavier has been aware of your presence this whole time-
and that fact was enough to make a surge of warmth course through you.
"you... you have always been able to see me?" you ask xavier in a shy voice, earning an earnest nod from him, "yes, and..." he trails off while pressing a hand against your screen, "i'm sorry that i'm unable to take care of you when you're feeling so sick."
"n-no! don't worry about it... i'm just happy that you're here... with me."
a sweet smile paints xavier's expression, coupled along with a gentle chuckle. "i'm happy to be with you, too. and i'm happy that you chose me over them."
realizing what xavier meant, you gave him the best smile you could manage while wiping at your nose with a new tissue, "i will always choose you, xavi."
hearing your admission causes a surge of possessiveness to course through xavier's veins. and while you smiled back at him, the philos prince was thinking of ways to forever keep your smiles for himself.
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feeling the need to clean your house and do some chores around it, you decide to spend some quality time with rafayel, the hot lemurian you fell in love with ever since you began playing love and deepspace. with his pretty, pouty face on your screen, you began cleaning, moving around your kitchen and living room while wiping down each surface you could see.
you spent a few hours cleaning, with rafayel seeming to sketch during his quality time session with you, which felt odd. usually, after 30 minutes, the game would notify you, asking if you'd like to continue the session as you confirmed it-
yet now, that didn't seem to happen.
you saw no notification-
and rafayel was still sketching on your screen.
with a shrug, you figured the game probably updated and added this new feature, where you didn't have to constantly renew the 30 minutes during your quality time with rafayel. feeling thirsty now, you pick up your phone and head into the kitchen, setting your phone on the counter as you went into the fridge to grab a bottle of water.
"hey princess! where did you go?! i can't see you!"
you nearly dropped your water bottle in response, hearing rafayel's voice coming from your phone. "come on princess, don't leave me hanging, where are you?"
was this a new script?
closing your fridge, you step closer to your phone, seeing rafayel's pout. picking it up, allowing rafayel to finally see you, he was smiling now while winking at you. "there you are, princess! are you done doing all that work?"
words were unable to form as you were left gaping at him, making the artist chuckle while shaking his head, "you look like a goldfish, which is pretty cute! oh, before i forget!"
rafayel pulls back, revealing his sketchbook to you. your heart was felt clenching slightly before racing upon realizing every sketch was about you-
not your mc in game.
the realization of it all had you reeling, with your hands gripping at your counter when you addressed rafayel. "rafe, you can see me?"
"of course i can, always have been able to, princess." he has the audacity to make your heart flutter the moment he gives you another wink. "and let me just say, i've been loving what i've been seeing so far, princess."
by now, you felt like you were on the verge of collapsing, unable to hide your grin as you cling to your phone all while basking in rafayel's flirty and playful words-
yet little did you know, somewhere along the way, rafayel had genuinely fallen head over heels for you, keeping each painting and sculpture he had made of you hidden so that you would never know-
at least, not yet.
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end notes: i'm so happy to write a story like this, where all the lads men truly are so META and wish to be with YOU-
and not the mc (⺣◡⺣)♡
this is currently unedited, but i shall make any changes the moment this story is posted!
all stories are written by rei; please do not repost, plagiarize, or translate my works!!
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romanoffsbish · 1 year ago
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Method Acting
Scarlett Johansson x F!R
Request | When your friend gives you the leading role in her debut sapphic rom-com you find yourself elated, but then you see who her star-studded casting managed to be and suddenly you aren’t too sure what to do. How does one work with their crush in such intimate ways and not swoon further? | WC: 2,516
Smut: Masturbation (R) — Non-con 👀 (SJ) | Mommy (SJ) | Oral / Fingering (R) | Thigh-Riding (SJ) | Overstimulation (R)
18+ | Minors DNI
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"Where'd all that confidence go, hm?" You gulped, not only to remain in character, but because Scarlett was literally hovering over your body and it was like the air around you'd thinned. Your head felt light, but you still managed to stutter out your line, "I-It was a r-ruse."
Bentley chuckled, "You know, I don't think I mind," then she lowered her smirking face into the crook of your neck, your breath dramatically hitched, and you threw your head back to give her the necessary space to leave behind her pale pink gloss for the camera to see.
——
This was meant to be acting, but she wasn't exactly not sucking a partial mark into your skin, fortunately it was hidden from any lens viewpoint, and it only really added to the scene as you moaned out affectedly.
"There you go Raina," she rasped against your cheek, smearing her collected spit and gloss on the skin. "I knew you'd be a perfect little dove for your mommy, you just needed me to help dumb you down, hm..."
You whimpered the title inquisitively, giving off the characters innocent girl aura as her lips clashed into yours, but deep in your soul you wanted to scream it.
Well, for the blonde starlet that is, Scarlett was nothing short of a goddess, her beauty perceivably effortless. It came with many perks, one of those being the ability to have people figuratively crumble before her. You had actually done so physically when you first shook her hand, it was embarrassing and she's teased you since.
When she wasn't teasing you though she was a natural nurturer. There was a calmness she brought to your anxious life that you were going to miss when filming inevitably comes to an end. Which was actually taking place this week, today you were working on the climax.
Bentley, her character, finally had a chance to corner Raina so that she could finally prove her love with the length of her fingers. Up until now your character had been avoiding Bentley as they were forced to see one another at the weekend long reception of a mutual.
Maritza, the director, screenwriter, and best friend of yours wanted the sex to feel real, so she is letting you two feel it out in a set of scenes. Scarlett appreciated the artistic creativity, because she wanted nothing more than to bring you to bliss, even if only fictionally as she knew the cameras were rolling. You genuinely liked the idea of an organic, sapphic scene too, but you just wished it could have been with any other actress.
Not the one you were recklessly falling in love with.
"Cut!" The director called after she felt there was enough tension, and kissing caught for the scene. She was also your very best friend, and knew you were likely spiraling beneath the surface; below Scarlett.
As soon as the director gave you the all clear for the night you took off without even sparing the blonde a glance. Months on this set with her and she'd teased you every step of the way, playing on your obvious crush, the one you'd publicized just a year ago.
"Y/N, who's your celebrity crush?" It was an easy question to answer, and since you were such a newcomer in the acting world it felt harmless to give them one, "Scarlett Johansson, she is just so gorgeous, and that voice of hers is just, ugh, don't even get me started." Or so you thought. Because not even three months later did you find out she'd be playing the love interest in this low-budget, cheesy sapphic rom-com.
The blonde was absolutely ecstatic when she got the script in her email because it came with your name attached. This was your closest friend's script, so you were given the lead without any issues, except for the casting. Without you ever knowing she took a shot in the dark by sending it to the woman who'd grown interested in you the moment she saw you in that interview. When you got the casting news you were mortified, and the blonde used that to her advantage.
There was no denying you meant it when she arrived on set for the chemistry read through, you were a bit of a stuttering mess—true to the character, but it was clear to the blonde that you were just being yourself. Scarlett played the part a bit too well, but she still kept it hidden that she desired you too. Until tonight she'd believed it was never going to go anywhere, but then you moaned in her ear and she realized it had to.
You weren't the only one affected by the small scene.
Scarlett was outside your trailer, her fingers flexed against the chill of the air as she prepared herself to knock on your door. It was Thursday night, normally she would go home, but she knew you were staying on the lot to cut costs so she felt compelled to stop by.
Without an answer she took it upon herself to open the door, noting her worry as the excuse for why she did. When she entered the trailer she was overwhelmed by a heady scent, and as she turned the corner to find you with your hand buried between your legs she'd found the delightful source. Scarlett said nothing as her body leaned against the wall, eyes focused in on the way your puffy lips devoured three of your fingers whole.
"Scarlett..."
The blonde's eyes snapped up to your face, fearing that she'd been caught, but it proved to be the other way around as you moaned her name upon releasing.
"My character's name is Bentley," she cooly teased, startling you into yelping and scrambling to grab the blanket that had bunched up by the end of your bed. Scarlett beat you to it, taking a predatory leap forward so that she could keep you from hiding your body. "None of that baby girl, don't hide from me now."
"S-Scar," you breathlessly muttered her name, or better yet part of it as she cupped your jaw and kissed you into a state of stunned silence. "Let's practice our scene for tomorrow darling, make it extra authentic."
"I-I don't think—." Scarlett slipped her thumb into your mouth, pressing down on your teeth to still you. "Oh, pretty girls like you should never try to think."
When she released her grip on your mouth she'd forcefully pushed you back onto the mattress, making your body bounce and driving your mind into madness all while she slipped out of her sweatsuit. The arousal you'd already felt doubled in intensity, mind alit with the endless possibilities for how this could go. Your mouth slowly filled with saliva as she sauntered closer to you while only dressed in her expensive lingerie set.
"You're so beautiful," you softly acknowledged and she offered you a genuine smile in return. Her lips gently pressed to yours as soon as she climbed over you and you both melted at the touch. "Thank you angel."
Scarlett took her time with kissing you, she didn't even move to deepen it until she felt your slick on her skin.
"I'm going to devour you Raina," she winked playfully and you met her tease with a smile that warmed her heart. "Make my dreams come true then Bentley."
Something about hearing her characters name didn't sit well with her, even if she had started the play on words, joking shoved aside she needed you to know this was more than a over the top scene preparation.
Scarlett pulled your body down the mattress by your ankles, throwing your legs open she took in a big whiff as her nose nuzzled into your plush thigh. "It seems I'll be making both of ours come true," she laboredly breathed against your slick cunt, "Just as long as you know there's no copyright on Scarlett," she winked and husked as your eyes widened, "Scream it for me Y/N."
"Oh Scarlett," you cried as soon as her tongue firmed itself against your folds, a long, drawn out moan left her as she tasted your glorious slick for the first time. The both of you were immensely pleased, your body began to squirm the more you felt your orgasm build. Her arm had to lay against your abdomen to hold you down so that her tongue could lash at you unchecked.
Your pleasure was entirely under her control, and the thought alone had the both of you teetering over the edge, ready to fall further into one another. Scarlett was unsure how that was even possible though, she'd loved you after a month into the filming, on a night when cast and crew rented out the local bar and she actually went regardless of her star power status. It was the only time you'd talked to her so openly, the booze in your system dropped your nerves and you let her hear all of your hometown childhood stories.
There was a twinkle of purity in your eye that she found refreshing that night, but this new glossy look you wore was far more enticing to the blonde starlet.
You looked almost peaceful, but beneath the surface you were absolutely losing your mind. Her masterful tongue was showing your fingers up in real time, your hot slick flowing out of you as if you were a leaking faucet, slowly dripping down from her chin and settling atop of the exposed skin of her bare breasts.
Which only made her move with more efficiency, her tongue slowly curled inside of you, caressing your g-spot as the tip of her nose pressed into your clit and you lost control of your every sense. Gasping for air as pleasure coursed through your trembling form, blurry white stars filled your vision as your eyes crossed and the taste of something metallic coated your tongue as you harshly bit down on your lower lip before you were screaming incoherently, her name sinfully intermixed.
You felt her smirk against your thigh and couldn't help but to smile yourself as you felt her kiss up your body with a softness that transcended all prior carnality. There was this break in the tension as she tenderly locked her lips to yours, tongues dancing around the other as her hands anchored to your chest, fondling the malleable skin as if it was second nature. Soft whines reverberated into her mouth the longer that she played with your sensitive breasts as she kissed you dumb.
Eventually the blonde felt this intense urge to satiate her own body, so she pulled back and you whimpered. "Fuck, you're so hot Y/N," she groaned as she stared at you, so beautifully spaced out, the thin line of spit tethering your lips together snapped as she grinned.
"You know, you're my celebrity crush too," she teased, finding amusement in the way you tried to shimmy away from her, but her hands firmly pressed down, keeping your body stilled by her grip on your breasts.
"Don't try and run now darling," she purred against your neck, her face having dipped down so that she could finish the job she started during your shoot.
"Scar, th-the movie," you warned but she simply didn't care, the woman chuckled against your skin, "Oh love, you know as well as I do that make up can cover this, plus, this is really just us aiding the film, you know?"
Scarlett continued on bruising your soft skin with her teeth as you couldn't, nor did you really want to, find a reason to dissuade her from her current ministrations. Just as soon as she was satisfied with her hard work she flipped you onto your stomach without warning.
A low moan left the both of you as her cunt touched down, your body shivered as her slick smeared onto the back of your thigh, the idea that you'd turned her on that much hadn't even permeated your mind until now and with the physical evidence you felt powerful. Even if she was on top, you aided her by tensing your muscles to which she rewarded you with a hoarse moan and two fingers that slid between your slick lips.
The both of your bodies moved in steamy tandem, your front being pressed further into the mattress with every rough thrust of her fingers and hips. The room soon became a lewd symphony as your skin slapped together and the both of your slick seeped and spread, all working to drown out your soft, choked moans.
With her free hand no longer on your hip you were thrown further into the depths of pleasure as her palm roughly pressed down on your abdomen just as her fingers reached your depth, your body jerked but she just kept going down until she could play with your clit.
"Mommy," you screamed the desired honorific, it almost sounded like a plea for mercy, but the blonde had none to show you, she instead slid a third finger into your core causing you to spasm uncontrollably. Which in turn tensed your muscles up even further, and sent her into a state of immense bliss, her teeth instinctively sunk into your shoulder and drew blood.
Her body had arched back then dropped to the side of yours in a matter of seconds, her fingers stayed buried within your warmth, almost like a place of comfort. It took you far longer than her to regain your composure as this was actually your fifth orgasm of the evening. The other two having happened before she caught you.
Nevertheless, you were able to form a sentence as you felt her fingers vacate your pussy, "W-what was this?"
Scarlett had been shifting to a place of comfort when your disconcerting question was aired, you caught her completely off guard but upon settling her cheek down on your bare ass she hummed softly in thought. Then as she really thought about it, imagining a future where you'd part ways after filming ended, she frowned.
"You're mine," she tiredly growled against the sweaty skin of your ass, her teeth nibbled at the round flesh as she gave you her answer (demand). "Then, now, the point is you'll always be mine Y/N so get comfortable."
"I'm plenty comfortable," you murmured, words a bit muffled as your face burrowed into your silky pillow. Scarlett smiled to herself, her heart officially settled now that she knows you understood; you were hers, this sinful endeavor was her official sealing of a deal.
Her worn down body sidled up by your side, still her strong arm wrapped around your midsection so that she could pull you close enough for her to feel your body against hers. "Goodnight baby girl, I think we've done enough work to ensure the scene will be a hit..."
When tomorrow came, and the scene was shot you two found it only took one go as the sexual chemistry was palpable. Maritza had winked, and mouthed a 'your welcome' thinking that you'd just won the blonde over, but unbeknownst to her this was just an encore...
Or as the sapphics would simply call it, round two.
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Musings on how magic works in the Wicked musical/film(s):
So I've actually never really heard anyone explore in-depth how the powers work in Wicked, because I guess they're both simple AND mysterious enough that most people regard them as self-explanatory. But I think there's actually a lot of interesting things we might learn about the characters and world through observing how and when magic happens in Oz.
So with the Grimmerie, it seems to work by reading people's hearts and granting them an approximation of what they ask for. I've pointed out before how it's kind of a mirror version of what the Wizard does: people come asking for their "heart's desire", and both the Wizard and the Grimmerie want to grant that desire and make people happy. But whereas the Wizard must do this with charlatanry (and in the end, people always end up having to either go and get what they came for themselves, elsewhere, or they already had it all along), the Grimmerie can actually twist reality to give people some version of what they wanted (and didn't already have): but it always comes with some fucked up cost that makes them regret it. It plays into the overarching theme of "what is happiness? Is it getting your heart's desire? What will you give up to get it? Is it worth it?", etc. I think it could even be inferred that every character who ever comes into contact with the book — directly or indirectly — is in a way "cursed" to never obtain true happiness, only a mockery of what they'd imagined happiness to be. This extends to the Wizard, Glinda, Morrible, Elphaba, Nessa, and even Chistery. And the grander the desire, the graver the cost for getting it — Chistery is able to get away with physical pain for his dream of flying, but the human characters all have their dreams come true only in ways they are never able to actually enjoy. I think the reason Elphaba is the only one able to not only read the book but get away with using it repeatedly, is due to her own innate power.
Elphaba's power is very different from that of the Grimmerie. She seems to have the ability to just flat-out REJECT ACCEPTED REALITY. She defies the law of gravity; even TIME (essentially "remembering" things that have yet to happen). Every time we see her use her powers, she does so to STOP what is transpiring, or simply to say NO to what is before her. Making things fall up instead of down, recalling the future instead of the past, reading books that are illegible. It's in keeping with her overall character, being off, or backwards, or at odds with everything around her: crowds part as if repelled when she comes near; her first day of school she's already being told she's going to excel far beyond what any of the other students could ever hope to achieve. The idea of "I clash with everything" isn't just a joke about color coordination, it's quite literally how she interacts with the world, including on a metaphysical level. She distorts and repulses.
The reason she has such a different relationship to the Grimmerie than everyone else who's tried to use it, is precisely because she clashes with everything. More importantly: she rejects both the world as it is, AND the world as she wants it. She denies her own desires for the sake of what she considers more important. She knows that she can have all she ever wanted: but she can't. She won't. She chooses to go AGAINST heart's desire, REJECT happiness — to deny HERSELF. Something that, perhaps, only a child of both Oz and Kansas — of fantasy and reality — is able to do. She's so at odds with the fantasy world she's been born into, so committed to Truth — a world of objective non-fiction — that she actively says no to her own dreams, and can literally disrupt and challenge the basic laws and logics of the story that she's in. She can use the Grimmerie because she uses the same language: negation. You can't reverse the Grimmerie's spells because they ARE reversals — distortions of a twisted nature. But Elphaba can't want what she truly wants in her heart; she rejects it; it's already reversed. To the "what are you willing to give up to get what you want?" question, Elphaba is the only one in Oz who can honestly just reply "NO", and give up her heart's desire of her own accord.
Now, how Morrible's powers work seem to be a lot different from the others. Her abilities aren't derived directly from the Grimmerie (though we know she has at least studied it), and appear to be innate like Elphaba's, but they manifest very differently. But why weather?? I think it pertains to her innate nature. She's a manipulator whose temperament changes like the wind (warm with some and cold with others), capable of clouding the truth or making things clear as she pleases, and acts as if the world revolves around her like a cyclone. She has total control over her powers because her power is control. There might have been a time when her powers were more benign — she says her talent is "encouraging talent", so perhaps we could infer that her true powers are motivating/suggesting things, giving directions, and that whenever she developed into the truly wicked person she is now, that power darkened into coercion/manipulation. So she can direct a cloud to disperse, encourage a wind to blow, or persuade a crowd to become a raging tempest.
As for Glinda: the musical/film(s) kinda implies she doesn't have any powers?? At least not the innate kind that Elphaba and Morrible have. We haven't seen her use any spells (except a simple one that got cut way back in the pre-Broadway tryout run of the musical), her bubble is shown to be mechanical rather than magical, and she's obviously interested in learning sorcery but fails the only time we really see her try to use it, and she doesn't believe she can read the Grimmerie. So whatever magic Glinda possesses has to be developed, and given she has never really been encouraged to do so (whether in school or when she's Glinda the Good), she probably hasn't had much of a chance to become a real witch by the time the story wraps up (although it would be a fun inclusion if the second film shows her using a spell at some point). Also: since magic seems to be related to character's personal qualities or narrative themes, it's actually quite meaningful that Glinda (at the very least) struggles to use it — she's constantly questioning who she is, what she wants, etc., and so whether she possesses a natural power of her own or needs to develop it through training, we might infer that her magic is similarly "unsure" of what it's supposed to do.
Feel free to respond with any thoughts — I just find this aspect of the story really interesting and hopefully this all came together to at least mostly make sense, lol
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anncanta · 3 months ago
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‘The Rings of Power’ and what is adult cinema
I think I understand what the matter is. Why there is such a strange attitude towards The Rings of Power and constant reproaches from a number of viewers that the series is boring and that it lacks epicness and vivid characters.
This point of view (and it is the same point of view) has two reasons – age and an excess of content.
The thing is that modern viewers consume a huge amount of content. These are books, films, computer games, fan fiction, TV series. It is not that it is difficult to surprise such a viewer – it is actually possible to surprise them since they are quite naive – it is as if they have sensory fatigue. Or, rather, they have stopped perceiving shades and see only colors. And among the colors – only those that glow neon and fluoresce. What is below this threshold is not interesting to them, simply because their sensitivity is dulled, like (sorry for the comparison) for a user of psychoactive substances who needs to increase the dose to get the same sensations.
That's why the characters of The Rings of Power are dull for these viewers, the storylines are boring, and the whole story lacks epicness. And it doesn't matter that this story is not about epicness at all. It's about the price living beings pay for epicness. About what attempts to start a ‘great war’ or ‘correct big mistakes’ turn out to be. How good intentions and the desire to return to the ‘great past’ or start into a brilliant future end. What an attempt to cheat death leads to.
And here we come to the second reason. To adulthood. The series The Rings of Power is for adults. Not only because adult actors play in it. Young people play there too. But because it is written in an adult way, conceived in an adult way, and played in an adult way.
These heroes and this story do not have the problems of ‘who looked at whom in what way’, ‘who does not want to marry whom off to their beloved’, and ‘which armies clashed on this hill’. With all due respect to these problems. The Rings of Power is about something completely different.
In this film, one of the central scenes is the conversation between Galadriel and Elrond in Cirdan's workshop. The scene in which stubborn Elrond repeatedly brings Galadriel back to the question she doesn't really want to return to – has Sauron really left her consciousness? How did he get there? How far did he go?
And it's not about whether she's in love with Sauron or whether he has a chance to become her lover. I have the impression that the writers don't care about that at all. They care about Galadriel's relationship with Sauron inside. For them, evil is not a black blot that just wants to destroy the whole world (in this sense, the beginning of the second season and Sauron in his black form are also a parody of such decisions), but something that has crawled into your soul and become you. Where, at what point did it become you? How much has it become you? Can you resist it? These are very boring questions to answer – especially if you are uncomfortable with them.
The other pivotal scene is where Sauron tortures Celebrimbor. I know it's bland for viewers used to detailed violence and fan fiction. But it's monstrous. It's horrifying in its simplicity. You look at this beautiful creature who knows exactly where to shoot, so it hurts, but also so the victim stays alive. Then he comes over and moves one arrow slightly. You look at it and you want to scream.
And then Celebrimbor defeats him. Not because Celebrimbor is physically stronger, or a greater wizard, or has a deadlier sword. Because Celebrimbor speaks the truth. Because all these mind games are worthless when you look at them with clear eyes. So Celebrimbor looks. And makes Sauron look. That is stronger than any battle. As is the silence Sauron remains in, which he has tried so hard to drown out with the sounds of thunderous battle. That is why he weeps, and not because Celebrimbor has humiliated or insulted him.
The central part of the story is strange, imperfect, doubting Galadriel. After centuries of pain and loss, fear and anger, rage and grief, she believed that there was someone in this world who could understand her – and he turned out to be the Dark Lord. This makes their misunderstanding all the more vivid and profound – Sauron thinks that Galadriel rejected him because he did not offer her enough, but she did it because he offered too much. The noble Halbrand was enough – not the divinely handsome (another jab at fans of epic films with grandiose perfect men), but a man who was wrong and willing to admit his mistakes. By showing her that Halbrand was a deception, Sauron betrayed not her love, but her belief that there was a way back. Including for herself, who, no matter how absurd it may be, still cannot forgive herself for putting the helmets of her brothers and sisters in the mound.
This faith will be restored to her later by Adar – for a moment, for a few minutes, he returned to his former elven appearance and showed her that it is possible to forgive others and forgive herself. Having missed the opportunity to escape with the ring of power and accepted her help and their alliance.
All these plot lines, all these stories, all the events and heroes do not look bright and spectacular. Even the battles do not look spectacular. Do you know why?
Because battles are not spectacular. They are dirty, stinking, disgusting, and full of pain and blood. Eregion during the siege does not look like grandiose fortresses – it looks like bloody besieged cities. Like cities on which bombs fall. Like cities into which, like cockroaches, aliens crawl. This is what the truth looks like. Do not believe the artificial mouse running across the floor. Better check if the candle is burning out.
The problem and, in fact, the essence is that all these things are impossible to see and understand if you are a young person. In youth, all the stories are about love (with a capital letter), about war (heroic and brilliant), and about refined characters who proudly walk back and forth. They talk little because the young are not interested in conversations. They are interested in kissing and figuring out who is better.
But I am interested in something else. And many people like me are too. And I am incredibly happy that the authors made this film for us. It is not even about Tolkien – I repeat, I am rather indifferent to him. The point is how, through Tolkien and his legendarium, the authors talk about what is important to me. And they do it masterfully. And the most beautiful thing is that those who are young will definitely grow up and become adults.
And then maybe they will love this story too.
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felassan · 1 month ago
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Mass Effect: The Official Cocktail Book (Part 1 of 2)
[you can get the book here]
Drink, food, and other lore blurbs from this book. (The book also contains the associated real-world recipes and photography thereof. This post only contains the in-world lore segments).
this post is Part 1 of 2. Rest of post is under a cut due to length. [Link to Part 2]
If there's a particular drink/food you'd like to see the recipe and or picture for, lmk.
Introduction: Written in 2184 CE by “Ambree T’Sia”, identity classified It’s a big galaxy out there. Numerous planets and their inhabitants, all jockeying for power, prestige, and precedence. With these competing agendas often clashing, seldom mixing, sometimes you need a swig of something stiff to get you to the next Relay. Well, you’ve come to the right place. And me? Nine hundred years (give or take) and a variety of careers and aliases later, I hustle my way through the galaxy by the name of Ambree T’Sia these days. It’s the one fiction that allows me to keep the rest of the story honest – with varying degrees, depending on the situation. What I can share is this: a former asari huntress, I left the military bureaucracy to lead a small covert unit of ex-commandos focused on espionage and assassination outside of official channels. More effective and more fun that way. In my earlier years, I quickly learned that the best way to collect information is to buy a merc a drink or talk to the entertainers. The more I relied on bars and nightclubs to gather intel, the more connections I made with the key players. Not just the ones in the back office, but the ones slinging drinks with closed mouths and open ears. I started posing as a bartender myself and got quite good at it. Enjoyed it, even. I couldn’t exactly stay put for, well, reasons. But among those in the know, I’m still the go-to source for recommendations about the Milky Way’s best bars and nightclubs. After one too many “you should write a book!” jokes, I did. Guns and bribes in this economy? A cocktail guide seemed like an ideal little side hustle to help fund my more targeted activities. With this pen name, I’m free to share my favorite anecdotes about well-known figures across civilizations. I’ve also included a few safety tips for surviving the galaxy, setting your drink on fire, or respecting local drinking ages. (If you’re not legal, close this book up and come back when you are, babe.) I guess I just don’t believe in accidental injuries. For those feeling brave, go ahead and speculate about who I truly am. I’m not worried in the least. Because you won’t guess, and I’ll never tell… -- “Ambree T’Sia”
MIXERS Whether you’re slinging the hard stuff or milder “hair of the FENRIS Mech that bit you” drinks, mixers are the essential building blocks to any good bar. By all means, keep your favorite fruit juices, sodas, and whatnots on hand. But as someone who tends to move around a lot due to my… profession (I’m a master of the Asari Goodbye), I tend to lead a minimalist lifestyle. As such, I keep these mixer recipes on file to prepare quickly, as I need them. Let’s just say that they’ll keep your cocktails interesting.
Blue Thessia
Yes, mama is supposed to love all her babies the same, but this mixer is my favorite for its taste and versatility. (Hmm… sound like any cocktail authors you know?) Named after the asari homeworld, the Blue Thessia is the crown jewel of your bar essentials. You’ll predominantly taste sweet juniper and recognize that bold, asari-blue color. You could make your drinks without Blue Thessia, but that’s programming a Quantum Blue Box type AI and not giving it a sexy voice. What a wasted opportunity! Do be aware that this one contains trace amounts of element zero – nothing to concern yourself about, though, and it does keep things nice and sparkly.
Tuchanka Dry
This is the good stuff and it’s very hard to come by, which is why I make my own. Tuchanka Dry is similar to a fat-washed bourbon, which not only adds the flavor of the fat to the spirit, but also its texture and weight. If you’re making a Full Biotic Kick (page 43), well, this part’s the “kick”. Traditionally made with Thresher Maw fat (I did say it was hard to come by), this recipe started as a krogan rite-of-passage celebratory drink, when leftover fat from the kill was mixed together with alcohol. If you prefer dodging grocery carts over acid spit, you can make your own and get a surprisingly similar taste by substituting bacon.
Horse Choker
I’ve often found fighter pilots to be aggressive and competitive, so it delights me that this recipe I procured from a hot-tempered Alliance pilot named Jeff “Joker” Moreau Is instead indulgent and harmonious. The chocolate and espresso flavors combined with the spiced rum work oh so well together in a luxurious cooperation that especially enhances minty drinks. But don’t take my word for it – if you’re feeling a little spicy and hot-tempered, you might find this mixer helpful when you toss back a few shots of Joker’s Challenge (page 98) with your closest frenemies.
Simple Syrup
An essential building block for cocktails. Any well-stocked bar has a traditional simple syrup on hand. If you’re new to cocktail making and a bit apprehensive, start here – just add sugar to boiling water. See? Simple. As you’ll see, I prefer twice as much sugar to water. It’s on the richer side and your mileage may vary, as they say. Be aware that you don’t want to let too much water evaporate, or the syrup will reduce and cook down to something resembling krogan poetry: thicker and sweeter than expected. (Try to get past one stanza of Blue Rose of Illium without rolling your eyes out of their sockets, I dare you.)
Salarian Salination Solution
Successfully made your way through the Simple Syrup recipe (page 13) but still feel like you need one more easy win? Perhaps a mixer that’s ideal for citrus-heavy cocktails? Make this bartender’s saline next and keep in mind that science doesn’t always have to be complicated. Science is also very useful, and you’ll find this mixer in a variety of recipes throughout this book. (For the more adventurous, the Liquified Turian on page 57 is a must.) Now, if you think adding sea salt to warm water isn’t exactly “science”, then your name isn’t Sel Vass – a double-crossing salarian bartender who fancies himself an “intoxicologist”. I have… thoughts on that, which is why I’ve named this Salarian Salination Solution after him. And if your name is Sel Vass, I’m going to add your kidneys to my next bar menu – preferably with you still alive. (I’ve heard that when the Protheans did this to your ancestors, they found the fear adds “spice”).
Tupo Concentrate
I love a good Tupo Concentrate: it has a delicious balance of mouth-puckering tartness and euphoric sweetness. The only problem? I can never find any berries! Tupari sports drink-makers horde as much as they can to sell “12 trillion bottles per day”, despite only containing 10 percent real tupo juice (goddess only knows what the other 90 percent of that swill is). Fortunately, grenadine is a perfect substitute for when you’re looking to add a beautiful hue and unexpected depth of flavor to your cocktail.
Drell Skin Venom
Like bitters, Drell Skin Venom adds a nice bite, making your cocktail extraordinarily complex with just a few drops. Now, you might think that enough Drell Skin Venom may grant the memory-recall properties of its erstwhile secretor, but it’s more likely that the high alcohol content (which keeps it in heavy rotation at swanky bars like the Silver Coast Casino) will create more plot holes in your life than the salarian extranet drama Dynasty of Stars (with the same amount of nausea - stick to science, you excitable little amphibians!)
Asari Honey Syrup
For the occasions where you’re looking to spice things up, I’d suggest using this honey syrup. It’s just as versatile as its simple syrup sister but adds a bit more flavor. This particular mixer has a spicy little background as well: the original recipe was made in an Ardat-Yakshi monastery and its honeyed flavor is as alluring as its makers. Considering said makers enjoy nothing less than total domination, however, this syrup is unexpectedly collaborative with numerous drinks and flavors.
AFTERLIFE CLUB What is Afterlife? Why, the ultimate in illicit entertainment. Iconic, chic, ready to show you a good time… but mind your manners. Under all that polish, Afterlife is seething with violence just under the surface. A locus of power and secrecy – is it any wonder the glitzy club sports an ethic of violence and greed? And that’s just how this nightclub’s patrons, and its Pirate Queen, prefer things. Aria T’Loak oversees this particular multilevel palace of paradise and perdition on the space station Omega. And yes, its lure entices millions around the galaxy to leave their ordinary lives for extraordinary adventures, so be sure to show her the proper respect. She’s shot people she liked far more for way less. The recipes in this section are her top sellers – perfect for when you’d rather spend the night in than risk getting poisoned by a batarian bartender with a grudge against humans.
The Omega Sling
This cocktail is a personal favorite of mine from Afterlife for a reason. It’s sweet, tart, bitter, fruity, and spicy all at once. A complex little thing, and a single-serving punch that can also pack one. While it’s definitely a drink made to impress (look at that list of ingredients!), for me, it tastes like personal accomplishment. I once led a raid on a CAT6 outpost that nabbed enough high-end military gear to outfit my crew for a long, long time. It was a bastard to plan, just like the Omega Sling, but that only made the victory that much sweeter.
Blue Sun Spritz
Did you know that the Blue Suns mercenary group was founded by a batarian named Solem Dal’serah? That’s the public-facing story they’d prefer you believe, at least. And to celebrate said founding, Solem toasted the group with this hard-hitting wine spritz. The color ends up being a rich deep blue – a little on the nose, maybe, but it lands most satisfyingly on the tongue.
Tuchanka Sunset
Don’t ever let anyone tell you that krogan don’t have a sense of humor. I used to run with a Battlemaster in my early days whose wit was as dry and vast as an Asterian desert. We survived an Eclipse double-cross by the skin of our teeth, and when we got back to our dingy little hideout, he toasted our fortune with a Tuchanka Sunset. His own personal recipe. He claimed the bartenders at Afterlife know how to make it, if you ask. Now, I love a good sunset drink and as such was appalled to watch him dump black rum on top of an otherwise flawless concoction. Sensing my shock, with a wry half-smile he said, “Well, yeah, wouldn’t be a sunset on Tuchanka without a choking cloud of toxic ash to ruin the view now, would it?”
Serrice Ice Brandy
I find human Alliance officers to be particularly dull and single-minded. So new to space, with such a short lifespan, few know how to relax and have fun. Not so with their medical personnel: disgruntled, overworked, and with the romance of military life quickly snuffed out by the harsh realities of combat, they know how to put the Rs in R & R. Serrice Ice Brandy always reminds me of a particular Alliance officer named Karin Chakwas, very posh and put together, who got a little salty after a drink (or several) of the stuff.
Sovak Juice
Have you heard the one about how krogan males name their infants? According to salarian scientist Padok Wiks, they get drunk on sovak juice and hold belching contests. Apparently, whatever sounds most like a word becomes a name. I doubt there’s much validity to this claim (although… Wrex?) but I still remember the young krogan merc I renamed after a night of tossing back these nutty, bubbly little things together. It’s been a while, but I do sincerely hope Urp is doing well out there. [note on recipe: “Garnish: For sovak juice? Come on, now.”]
Noverian Rum Swizzle
Seeing as rum is a liquor made with sugarcane molasses or sugarcane juice, one might associate it with warm, tropical climates. One would also be wrong and very much missing out on one of the finest varieties in the entire galaxy. I refuse to make this drink with anything less than quality Noverian rum (and Asari Honey Syrup, of course). Once you’ve had a taste, you’ll understand why Aria T’Loak was so sulky after Purgatory’s stock of the stuff ran out. Though, to be fair, having her entire empire occupied by Cerberus General Oleg Petrovsky may have also contributed to her sour mood. For that authentic touch of frost, I recommend harnessing biotics to give your stick the right amount of swizzle.
DARK STAR LOUNGE Dark stars, as a theoretical curiosity, could be extremely powerful. Dark Star Lounge, an actual bar, definitively serves extremely powerful drinks. Located on the Citadel one level up from the C-Sec office in Zakera Ward (a convenient perp walk away when patrons get too rowdy), many bartenders are happy to give customers exactly what they ask for… the “usual” being a thumping hangover. If you like your drinks stiffer than a turian’s carapace, you’ve flipped to the right section. Higher-proof spirits with a higher spirit-to-mixer ratio for a higher class of drinker, Dark Star recipes do not disappoint. I trust you can handle it… and if you happen to wake up next to an attractive stranger the next morning whose name you can’t quite recall, I recommend breaking the ice over some Huevos Rancheros à la Vega (see page 12, you charmer).
Batarian Ale Shandy
If you’re not a krogan or batarian, please don’t drink uncut batarian ale. It’s mean, it’s green, and it will leave your insides clean. Instead, use this recipe to make yourself a refreshing and fizzy shandy. Yes, a human Spectre managed to stay on their feet after chugging a glass of the uncut ale – at least that’s what one Dark Star Lounge bartender claims. But ask yourself: Are you really the type? I’m reminded of a naïve bar patron cosplaying in plastic N7 armor he convinced his poor wife to buy him (along with his shuttle-fare off world, understandably). You’re not “truly extreme”. Do yourself a favor: Check your ego and enjoy the Batarian Ale Shandy.
Dark Star Vespertini
No trip to Dark Star Lounge is complete without ordering this signature cocktail, the Dark Star Vespertini, especially if you have a bit of a sweet tooth. I’ve included the recipe here, at great risk to certain of my… relationships… at the lounge. It’s simply too delicious not to share, with a rich chocolate-raspberry taste. Be sure to shake this one well – for the nonbiotics who need to do this task manually, I liken it to the amount of time until you start to worry your arm will fall off. If it feels like you’re giving the tumbler a quick ride in an M35 Mako, you’re doing it right.
Ryncol Cocktail
Listen up, tough guys. I promise you that bartenders are never impressed when you swagger up and ask for “the strongest you have”. In fact, just to make sure you embarrass yourself in front of your friends, they’ll probably slap on a fake smile and pour you a tall glass of krogan ryncol. Never heard of it? They certainly don’t advertise the stuff. But for fun, let’s spitball some potential slogans: “Ryncol! It hits aliens like ground glass,” or “Ryncol! It’s like sipping knives,” or “Ryncol! It’ll set of radiological alarms.” Just ask a certain Commander Shepard. And enjoy your purple prayers to the porcelain goddess…
Paragade Punch
While Tupari sports drinks are all the rage, don’t discount Paragade! Especially in cocktails. By itself, it’s not too good and it’s not too bad, but mixed with alcohol, it’s somewhat of a revelation. This recipe gives you a layered drink that starts out sweetly and ends with a real kick to the quads. Perfect for those nights where you might hold your tongue at one bar only to start throwing chairs at the next. It takes a deft hand to get the blue-purple-red proportions right when you’re making one, and to get the ending you want after a night of drinking them.
Dextro Heat Sink
Like a boilermaker, the Dextro Heat Sink is a great way of making strong alcohol stronger. During his Archangel days, Garrus Vakarian and his crew would slug these like candy as they racked up wins against the Blue Suns, Blood Pack, and Eclipse thugs on Omega. This is a sweet and spicy tequila cocktail (the “heat”) with a dropped shot of Ancho Reyes liqueur (the “sink”). An unlimited amount of these might be fun at first, with the occasional pause to blow some heat off your tongue, but it’s advised to keep them to a finite amount.
Turian Horosk
Considering the rigidity of turians, you’d need a pretty strong drink to loosen them up enough to get the wedgie out of their thermal armor. Enter: Turian Horosk. Another Garrus Vakarian favorite, you’re not going to find this outside of a handful of bars, and certainly not at the posher Silver Coast Casinos of the ‘verse. So, if you’re looking to calibrate your soberness in the opposite direction, here’s the recipe for you. The lemonade flavor helps it go down easy and the spices are optional – the hangover from too many rounds of this, however, is not.
PURGATORY BAR The Citadel is a tourist trap. Humans tend to view this as a disparaging label, but I say it with great enthusiasm. For my credits, there’s no better way to take in the sights than as a lowercase t tourist, and there’s no better place to do that than the Citadel. If you have the time, a bar named Purgatory serves drinks that are especially heavenly. If you like new takes on classic cocktails with a slightly higher mixer-to-alcohol ratio, sip on these before taking in the sights and sounds of the Presidium. And if you’re just not convinced it’s worth the visit, well, at least you can whip up these drinks at home. And do take your Citadel recommendations with a grain of salt when you’re there (barring the guide currently in your hands, of course). Especially ones coming from the hotshot human Spectre making the rounds – that one will endorse anything for a discount.
Frozen Pyjak
The best part about tending bar? The customers. I learn a little about a lot just by listening. The worst part about tending bar? The customers. Sometimes I don’t have to listen too intently, as their volume increases with their alcohol intake. For fun, I used to give my loudest customers a freebie: the Frozen Pyjak. I overheard Samantha Traynor boasting (loudly, ironically) about this and it sounded too entertaining not to try it out: Every few hours, you empty your spill pad into a martini glass and toss a little ice in for presentation. This is a much nicer variation for you to make. All these ingredients go incredibly well together, so you can serve it to people you actually like. [note on recipe: “Garnish: Well now, that would defeat the point.”]
Full Biotic Kick
My curiosity for the Full Biotic Kick was piqued by a charming young Alliance comms specialist named Samantha Traynor who extolled its virtues. Apparently, this was the most popular drink served when she worked “extensively” as a bartender during her university days… for a whole four years. I understand humans consider this quite the span of time – how quaint. I believe the “kick” comes directly from the Tuchanka Dry, and if you’ve ever faced down a biotic krogan Battlemaster (and lived to tell about it), you’ll understand why.
Vodka Skycar
As the Citadel became increasingly populated and its denizens spread across the wards of this colossal space station, they began to rely more and more on a centralized mode of transportation. Enter the skycar, a maddeningly slow shuttle that, though nowhere near as glacially paced as Citadel elevators, redeems itself with some of the most incredible views in the galaxy. When I need to slow down, I make myself a nice Vodka Skycar, get lost in its pretty sky-blue color, and hire an ambling ride around the glittering Citadel Tower. Magical.
Rojo Loco
Everyone loves a good Rojo Loco: C-Sec, pirates, accountants, politicians, hunky Alliance marines who think pull-up contests and cute little nicknames might get you into their beds (full disclosure, they can, and they have… cheers, James Vega). Because underneath all the stories everyone tells themselves about themselves, at the end of the day, all any of us are really looking for is to enjoy a bit of spice and heat. Maybe that’s a firefight. Maybe that’s filing paperwork. Either way, this drink ticks that box and gives you the same warm tingle.
TM88 Smash
I love a good rebrand. TM88 used to be known as “Merc’s Courage,” because drinking enough of the stuff gave one the false sense of strength that often comes with getting absolutely hammered. Salarians especially took a shine to this Earth-based whiskey and swore it had medicinal properties… when really it was the shortest distance between two points to get a person drunk. Ever the opportunists, salarians branded TM88 as a cure-all and “the only alcoholic drink endorsed by the Medical Board of Sur’Kesh.” Alliance officer Kaidan Alenko credits the stuff for his speedy discharge from Huerta Memorial Hospital. So, drink up! Doctor’s orders.
ETERNITY Due to its extreme opulence and high level of security, the asari-run planet of Illium is a preferred tourist destination and (second, third, fourth) home of many of the galaxy’s most well-known celebrities. It’s also under a state of near-total surveillance. You can take their self-congratulatory media touting Eternity as “the sexiest bar in the Milky Way” with a few handfuls of salt (though with Matriarch Aethyta slinging drinks, “sexiest bartender” would be harder to argue with), but don’t sleep on their drink selection. I have a soft spot for asari drinks, as you might expect. I find them to be sweet and mellow and think Eternity gets them right. I’ve collected a few of my favorites for you here. Regarding the Liquified Turian (page 57) backstory, well… who can say if that one’s legit? But seeing as the normally stringent customs laws of Council space on safety and sapient trafficking are relaxed on Illium, I can’t say I’d be too surprised.  
Mystery Drink
I understand mystique. It’s a powerful weapon that can influence your enemies before you ever need to fire a shot. I also understand bullshit and am very good at differentiating the latter from the former. So, when I first heard this Mystery Drink is rumored to come from “the deepest reaches of the Traverse,” distilled on a “shadowy nameless planet” by “specifically adapted Vorcha,” alarms were ringing in my head. Until I had a sip. Deceptively fruity and floral but highly intoxicating with an otherworldly appearance, well, does it matter where it came from, especially if you can get the same fabulous taste using syrup from canned lychees? No. In the case of this delicious little Mystery Drink, it most certainly does not.
Asari Honey-Mead Bellini
Made in an Ardat-Yakshi monastery, asari honey mead is for those with taste. And, let’s be honest, credits. Whoever said “the best things in life are free” was compensating, because this expensive little drink is worth the experience. Ever the one to push boundaries, I prefer to prepare my honey mead with sparkling wine to make an effervescent little bellini, because the sweet and mellow flavor mixed with bubbles positively sparkles – in the glass and on the soul.
Perfection
I once crossed paths with this pretty little human who called herself Miranda Lawson. Despite her formidable intelligence, killer biotic abilities, and, well, let’s just say her “superior physical constitution,” she seemed to be… missing something. She didn’t say and I didn’t press, but we shared a drink whose taste was as excellent as the woman pouring. Asking her what she called it, she gave a sad smile and simply said, “Perfection”. Indeed. To her surprise (and delight, I might add), I sweetened the affair with a shot of strawberry liqueur and told her, “Yes, but there’s always room for improvement, dear”. Hmm. I wonder if she ever found what she was looking for.
Memory Stealer
Ah, Kasumi Goto. The best thief in the business. You don’t remember her and she prefers it that way. She’s so good, she’ll even nick your memory of her ever having been there… along with whatever valuables you had in your pockets. When I do have the good fortune of remembering her, I like to pour this drink made with Japanese gin in her honor. And like the master thief herself, one too many Memory Stealers will no doubt leave you with a hazy recollection the next morning.
Liquified Turian
“Ambree,” you say. “Certainly, Matriarch Aethyta’s story of a krogan drinking liquified turian on a bet is embellished? A tall tale? Urban legend meant to titillate, disgust, and delight?” Maybe. Regardless, it’s one of my favorites, so I made this drink in homage (and to capitalize off the story – your girl is nothing if not quick to make a quick cred). I use a tequila base, with agave being native to a desert climate like you’d find on Palaven. Of course, I use egg white for the smooth texture, plus saline to stabilize this particular choice of “protein”. And the blue curaçao, well, turian blood is blue, after all! Mm, you can almost taste the dextro-amino acids. [note on recipe: “Garnish: No embellishment needed with a backstory this impressive.”]
FLUX
Flux is one of the more recent night spots to open on the Citadel and boasts a casino in addition to a well-stocked bar. The atmosphere is almost as inviting as the volus who runs the place – alternating between owner, cook, and bartender, one wonders where Doran finds the energy. But at some point, you’ll be sure to find this little macaroon from Irune shaking his pressure suit on the dance floor.
The recipes I’ve collected from Flux are, as you can imagine, fun and whimsical. Seeing as Doran spends an equal amount of time in the kitchen as he does behind the bar, you can also find a fair bit of culinary flare in the drink preparation. Enjoy yourself, Earth-clan!
Tupari Blast
Despite the volus being a race not cut out for physicality of any kind, their mastery of trade and commerce has helped Tupari sports drinks conquer the galaxy. It seems like you can’t swing a dead CAT6 without hitting a vending machine of the stuff, and Doran has a particular fondness for it. I’d be remiss to not include it here, both for its delicious taste and because of how well it sells. Its strong fruity flavor makes it a consistent Flux favorite. It’ll give you the courage to get on the dance floor and the electrolytes to stay there until closing time.
Rum Relay
A toast to the Mass Relays! Forgive my (brief, I promise) indulgence in sentimentality, but the Relays have brought together an array of intelligent life whose differences remind us of how we’re all pretty much the same: unsure of our place in the universe, but in our best moments willing to teach and learn from our Milky Way sisters and brothers. No one understands that better than Doran, and what better way to celebrate it than by sloshing a Rum Relay milk punch all over the dance floor as you boogie the night away.
Blasto Sting
This one unironically loves the Blasto franchise. The acting, the writing, the backdrops? High camp, babe. A human essayist, Sontag, wrote, “You can’t camp about something you don’t take seriously. You’re not making fun of it; you’re making fun out of it.”  And what’s more fun than adding cream to grape Pucker? It creates a hanar in every shot. Try my favorite drinking game: gather your friends, fire up Blasto Saves Christmas, and throw back a Blasto Sting every time he says, “Enkindle THIS!”
Denorian Beer Granita
Krogan are not known for negotiation. If you find yourself mediating with one for goddess’ sake do not show up empty-handed. I tried to bluff my way through just such a situation once and you wouldn’t be reading this book if I hadn’t had ingredients for Denorian Beer Granita on hand. I developed a fondness for Denorian beer from Urdnot Wrex, but this cocktail takes it to another level. In a desperate attempt to cool tensions, I offered to make a round of this unique drink with its smooth taste, fun texture, and visually appealing look. The krogan got the recipe and I got to walk away (with a little extra pep in my step from the caffeine). Win-win.
Tasty Tankard
What can I say? I’m a Matriarch with a Maiden’s tastes: I like a pretty young thing on my arm, a warm Acolyte pistol, and a heaping bowl of human ice cream. Chocolate, if you’re taking notes. The Tasty Tankard is essentially a boozy milkshake, and I urge you to ignore anyone who tries to tell you that drinks made in a blender only belong in cheesy resorts. This one goes down dangerously easy, and the recipe makes enough for two… or one krogan with a sweet tooth. If that krogan happens to be Grunt, I advise having enough on hand to fill a large enough container. Perhaps a flower pot’s worth? [note on recipe: “Serves: 2… or 1 krogan.”]
CHORA’S DEN Not for the faint of heart, Chora’s Den on the Citadel is the “livelier but deadlier” choice to stop for a drink. A gentleman’s club owned by a scoundrel (novel, I know), the clientele and drinks lean heavily towards the strong and seedy type. The loud music and low lighting do well to cover the bloodstains and less-than-legitimate conversations, but you’ll have a great time if you mind your business and tip the asari dancers well. Be sure to ask Fist, the proprietor of this fine establishment, about the back room – it’s perfect for your next shady deal. And I’m not one for gossip, but if you’re curious about the smell, I’ve heard Fist has a habit of burying “old problems” under the dancers’ stage. The following recipes evoke the Den’s more… aggressive tendencies.
Tequila Se’lai
Whether you’re human, turian, or salarian, we’ve all got our shared little “catch phrases” we catch ourselves saying: “Embrace eternity” if you’re asari, “Victory or death” if you’re krogan, ★heavy breathing intensifies★, if you’re volus… you get the idea. I quite like the quarians’ “Keelah Se’lai,” or “By the homeworld I hope to see one day.” Tragic but beautiful. This recipe is an ode to their homeworld, Rannoch, with desert and coastal flavors all brought together with a lovely prickly pear syrup.
Elasa
I’m not really a “drown your sorrows” type of gal. I’m more of the “drown you in a hail of incendiary ammo if you upset me” type. To each their own. If you lean more on a shoulder and less on a trigger, you can’t go wrong with an Elasa, aka Sorrow’s Companion. (They’re not joking when they say it serves one…) Pale green with a bitter aftertaste and tangy sweetness, it’s a great way to take life’s lemons and make lemon garnish for your cocktail (or limes, in this case). Fist, ever putting the gentlemen in gentlemen’s club, used to refer to this drink as The Cynthia, a snide reference to Elasa being Alliance Commander David Anderson’s preferred drink during his divorce.
Quad Kicker
Not for the faint of heart, the Quad Kicker will, well, kick you straight in the quad, I suppose. Samantha Traynor is adamant about “no curry powder” in her version, but why take away that spicy mouthfeel? Add that curry simple syrup and let this baby wake you up! It ain’t called the Quad Fondler, so step up and throw down with your friends (or enemies).
Shadowbrokertini
I hope by this point you’ve come to realize that I know everything that’s worth knowing. Yet I humbly admit that, try as I might, I’m still unable to unmask the Shadow Broker. But I am familiar with their agents, including a certain proprietor of Chora’s Den. And even though Fist refuses to confess what he knows (which, I suspect, is even less than I do), he did agree to collaborate on a cocktail worthy of that confidential entity. Dark, shadowy, and with enough caffeine to help keep one sharp in the secrets-trading game, the Shadowbrokertini theatrically uses dry ice to add an air of mystery. I trust you don’t need the Shadow Broker’s services to know that swallowing dry ice can kill you, yes? [note on recipe: “(Note: Some Shadow Brokers prefer it without lime at all.)”]
The Erotic Biotic
I suppose I should start this one off with a warning: Don’t underestimate young asari. Yes, there is a strong drive for at the Maiden stage to explore and experience. Curious and restless, some look for the nearest bar to dance in. But that’s no reason to let your guard down. Many don’t realize their mistake until they’re telekinetically slammed into the nearest concrete wall. Well, that’s just the ratio of risk-to-reward that Chora’s Den captures with this drink. With a winky flavor profile of fruit and cream, finish your Erotic Biotic with Drell Skin Venom to add a tingly bite (for the adventurous types), or with chocolate bitters (for the romantics). I like a bit of both – I may be a Matriarch, yet I’ve never lost that desire to explore and experience…
The Shifty Cow
While I’ve heard just about every maxim in the ‘verse, one rings particularly true: “You can’t trust any animal that can milk itself.” Yes, I’m talking about space cows, with their unsettling, grabby little hands. Turn your back around one and they’ll pick through your pockets. The Shifty Cow cocktail is a clarified milk punch. And that’s partly because it’s fun to separate the milk solids from the drink, but also because I’m reminded of these audacious little cows eagerly separating an unsuspecting fool from their credits. And yes, we do have that in common, which reminds me of a human maxim: “Don’t hate the player, hate the game.” You win this round, space cows.
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[you can get the book here]
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batmanisagatewaydrug · 2 months ago
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reading update: October 2024
hello, ahoy, and welcome to my October reading recap.
I made a real effort to focus on spooOOOoooky books this month, in the name of the season; you may even recall that I started early and read some spooky stories at the tail end of September. (read Carmen Maria Machado's comic The Low, Low Woods, btw.)
I've never been great at sticking to a theme but I think it helped that what gets classified as "horror" can vary greatly, so I never really got bored of the genre. I did get disappointed more than once by how Not Spooky some of these books turned out to be, but that's a totally different question.
right at the end of the month you'll notice a couple of outliers with Caped Crusade and Luster, which happened entirely because I was out of library books and on the road for a conference, so I was reading what I could get my hands on! I've been working on rereading Caped Crusade on and off for a couple months and I bought Luster at a cool indie bookstore in the town I was visiting and then inhaled most of it on the way home.
ANYWAY. to the books!
And Then I Woke Up (Malcolm Devlin, 2022) - this is a novella with an interesting spin on the zombie story, where the "zombies" are actually people who have started suffering hallucinations that fill them with paranoia and force them see other people as monsters. so, like, there were never any REAL monsters, but a woman looked at her young son and saw him as a cannibalistic monster, so she killed him. so who's the real monster? it's very deep. this story's explanation for this is "the narrative," an idea so strong that it simply seems to take hold of anyone who's around a sufficiently charismatic ringleader who drives them to join in their delusions and kill innocents who don't share their worldview. it's not a super subtle zombie metaphor, but I guess very few zombie metaphors are. it's fine.
Through the Woods (Emily Carroll, 2014) - I truly wholeheartedly wish I had more to say about this but it's just a very charming creepy collection of comics. my favorite was the one that was the scariest, involving humans getting taken over by body-snatching worm monsters, but on the whole it was a very minor creepy factor. the art's great the whole way through.
Happy Medium (Sarah Adler, 2024) - Happy Medium is October's romance novel as picked by my patreonites, and I will admit: my hopes were not high going in. a conwoman posing as a psychic clashing with a skeptical hottie goat farmer didn't ping me as a great mix, but honestly? HONESTLY? it kind of served. there was a much more well-rounded emotional core to this book than I often encounter in my romance novels; at risk of sounding like a cornball it genuinely had a lot of heart. the conwoman is actually extremely charming, I was rooting for her in a big way, and her emotional journey goes so far beyond just falling in love with the goat farmer. I'll happily claim Happy Medium as my #1 romance of the year unless a challenger arises in the next two months, but it's not looking likely.
The Ones That Got Away (Stephen Graham Jones, 2010) - this is a collection of Graham's short stories that was published long before he became a huge name in horror with books like The Only Good Indians and My Heart Is a Chainsaw. and as much as I hate to say it, I think I personally prefer his longer form fiction. none of these short stories were bad, per se, and they're incredibly stylized and polished, but I think I like Jones' work a lot more when it has time to simmer out. I may have also been biased by the fact that I was desperately seeking something scary to read, because while Jones plays with some pretty narsty concepts, the horror tends not to hit until a last page reveal that recontextualizes everything that's come before. which is cool! but not scaring me as much as I wish it was.
The Salt Grows Heavy (Cassandra Khaw, 2023) - a lot of people told me I should read this because it stars a killer mermaid and a plague doctor, which are two aesthetic archetypes I love, and I will give this to Cassandra Khaw: I liked this a lot more than their other book, Nothing But Blackened Teeth. which is clearing a very low bar, since I didn't really like that book at all, but I do think Salt is genuinely a pretty marked improvement. the prose is still kind of torturously overwrought in many places and I desperately wish that Khaw would put the thesaurus away, but there's like. a Concept here. the core is fun.
Tell Me I'm Worthless (Alison Rumfitt, 2021) - this book is by far the scariest I read, because the horror is hatred and bigotry and a fucked up, evil house that brings out the very worst of everyone who steps inside of it. this book gets so fucked up and bloody and downright nasty in its exploration of the characters and the underlying bigotries that turn them against each other and drive them apart. I don't want to spoil anything, but the book follows a white trans woman named Alice and her mixed race, cis ex-girlfriend Ila. in the past Alice and Ila entered the evil house with their friend Hannah; that ended with Hannah dead and missing and Alice and Ila both scarred and traumatized, each certain that they were raped by the other. so that's what this book is like! not a lighthearted undertaking, but one that I could. not. put. down.
A Sunny Place for Shady People (Mariana Enríquez, trans. Megan McDowell 2024) - what is there to say? Enríquez is my short story queens, and her new release absolutely lived up to the precedent set for me by The Dangers of Smoking in Bed, which was originally published in 2009 but not translated into English until 2021. this collection is sooo aptly named, because many of the stories are obsessed with the terror of places: hotels haunted by memories, neighborhoods filled with ghosts, junkyards where bodies are hidden, towns abandoned and taken over by something sinister. also, completely detached from the quality of the writing, this book has one of the most striking covers I've encountered this year. the screaming yellow cover and bold purple text looked SO COOL under the purple string lights in my bedroom, which was a little +1 to my mood every time I saw it :)
Thirst (Marina Yuszczuk, trans. Heather Cleary 2024) - I think if I had to pick a favorite book from my spooktober reading, Thirst would edge Tell Me I'm Worthless out by just a hair, because I'm just SUCH a sucker for a modern gothic. this novel is split into two chunks. the first is narrated by a vampire (hinted to be one of Dracula's infamous brides) who flees the Old World and crosses the sea to find safety in a young Buenos Aires, where she struggles to figure out how to slake her thirst and escape from loneliness while avoiding detection in a modernizing world. ultimately she seals herself away in a crypt to escape the relentless pace of change around her, and that's when our perspective shifts. here we join a modern woman with a young son, an ex husband, and a dying mother, who's struggling under the pressure of grief as she watches her mother waste away. she ends up accidentally reawakening the vampire from the first half of the book, and you can imagine things get weirder from there. honestly, for me, the part of this book that's most brilliant is the latter half and it's deep meditation on grief, but the historical portion of the book also plays the vampire gothic to the hilt. delicious!
The Caped Crusade: Batman and the Rise of Nerd Culture (Glen Weldon, 2016) - this is a really fun piece of pop culture history, tracking how Batman came to be DC's little #1 it boy alongside the developing prominence of nerds and fandom as a cultural force to be reckoned with. as I said above, this was a reread for me, because I wanted to circle back now that I've actually read most of the major comic events discussed in the book. Weldon weaves between Batman in comics, TV, and movies to examine on how one portrayal influences another - for instance: the goofy '66 TV series saw a huge backlash in comics, which went way dark to reinforce a grim and serious Batman for 'real' fans who objected to the show making Batman a joke to much of the normie population - and I think that's a really neat lineage to trace. while I think Weldon is sometimes a bit too transparent with his own disdain for certain adaptations, he overall has an extremely levelheaded approach to Batfandom and a conversationally informative approach that I really enjoy. of particular note is the fact that Weldon is himself a gay man, making him one of the only writers I trust to talk about why he personally dislikes Joel Schmacher's movies without getting homophobic about it.
Luster (Raven Leilani, 2020) - this book!!! this was one of three novels recommended to me by Bonnie at Snowbound Books, and Bonnie if you are on this website I owe you my LIFE because you were 100% correct. I was obsessed from the very first line and it only gets better from there; Leilani's prose is painting a searing, witty Sistine Chapel to render her protagonist's miserable life in vivid color and detail. the short version is that our 23 year old hot mess finds herself jobless and homeless and ends up moving in with her married boyfriend who's 23 years her senior, where she forms a powerfully weird connection with his rage-filled wife and develops a bond with the couple's nerdy adopted daughter, as the two of them are the only Black women in the excessively white neighborhood. (spoiler alert: she also realizes that her married boyfriend is a fucking loser.) it's a simple enough premise but the execution is bananas in its flair. I couldn't believe this is Leilani's first and so far only novel; if she ever drops another I'll drag myself through barbed wire to get my hands on it.
Juniper & Thorn (Ava Reid, 2022) - I first became aware of this novel via twitter thread of Reid's that made its way to tumblr, in which Reid bemoaned being harangued by readers who were shocked that her dark fairy tale retelling had, you know, dark shit in it. having now read the book, I have to say: these people are fucking pussies. going into this book I was under the impression that there was full on-page father/daughter rape happening, which is actually NOT the case, so you can breathe easy if incest is a hard no for you. what's actually here is a wizard dad who's emotionally abusive, non-incestuous sexual abuse in the backstories of the main character and her love interest, some moderately explicit consensual sex, some bulimia, and [spoiler alert!] admittedly a lot more cannibalism than expected. it's not a lighthearted romp but it's also like, come on. come on. grow up. in terms of the actual book, rather than its controversy, I didn't LOVE it but I'm still compelled enough by the world building (particularly Jewish author Reid's Hueli people, who are a fairly obvious stand-in for Jews down to people claiming that they have horns and using phrenology to prove the have an unfair advantage at making money) that I'm going to check out Reid's earlier novel, The Wolf and the Woodsman, a novel set in the same world. it felt a little repetitive in places and the characters were largely pretty predictable, both of which may be a byproduct of trying to encapsulate the vibe of a classic fairy tale, but I had a good time reading it.
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littlemissmentallyunstable · 5 months ago
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thanks for you request!! I’m SO SO SO sorry it took me so long to complete, there has been so many edits and rewrites and start overs but anyways, here is the final product, I’m praying it doesn’t disappoint. my motivation has not been there lately… anyways I gave it a go, hope you enjoy 🤍🤍
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title: the hawthorne with the green eyes
pairing: jameson hawthorne x (first person) reader
synopsis: your avery’s best friend and she’s suddenly been thrown into a world that isn’t her own and she needs you… but in going to support your best friend, you don’t expect a certain someone to take you interest
warnings: mild swearing and mentions of the reader having a dead father
a/n: this is set mid the first inheritance games book, timelines may clash a little but work with me please 😭😭
tag list: @tornqdowarnings @whatsamongus @wish-i-were-heather @inmyheaddd @never-enough-novels @heartwithsimplenotes @lxvebelle @xoxo-vee @emelia07 @f4iry-bell @zaraaaabear @thoughtdaughter3 @benny1989fredd @elysianwayy77 @maybxlle @sheisntyou @anintellectualintellectual
“I go on holiday for two weeks and of course that’s when everything blows up,” I exclaimed over the phone.
Avery was down the other end. I’d practically just stepped foot back in my house after fourteen glorious days in Europe and just about had time to fling my suitcase to the corner of my room before I straight away called her. How did I miss everything?! Pretty much as soon as the plane touched down back in America my phone practically blew up with messages and calls and news alerts. Suddenly my best friend’s face was all over TV and I had a billion DMs from people I’d never even talked to before.
“Timing is impeccable as always,” Avery laughed.
“Tell me everything,” I said.
Screw jet lag, this was way more important. We had the longest conversation I think I’ve ever had in my whole lifetime. She told me all about the will of this mysterious Tobias Hawthorne and the people involved. She explained how she’d been flown all the way out to Texas and was now required to live in Hawthorne house for at least a year where basically the whole family resided. Including four of Tobias’s scarily hood looking and intelligent grandsons.
“I can’t lie, this all sounds like it’s been plucked right out of a novel,” I said.
“42.6 billion dollars,” she confirmed, “what gets more fictional than that?”
“Ave this is crazy,” I replied, eyes as wide as saucepans.
“I can’t believe it,” she responded with a long sigh.
“You’re literally a billionaire,” I murmured. Saying it out loud made it even more real, even more shocking.
“I never thought I’d hear anyone say that out loud,” she said, then she sighed again,“I just can’t work out why I inherited it, I mean over his family it doesn’t make sense.”
“Well what did his grandsons have to say?” I asked.
“One thinks it’s a game of sorts, like a puzzle,” she explained, “their grandfather used to give them puzzles when they were younger and he thinks I’m the final one.”
“Are you okay?” I questioned suddenly, feeling guilty I hadn’t asked her right away,
“Yeah I’m fine,” she exhaled, “I’m a billionaire right?”
“No, I mean are you really okay?” I clarified, “because if it were me I know I wouldn’t be.”
“I think I’m okay,” she replied, hesitating a little.
“Avery,” I sang in an accusing tone.
She laughed a little and then, “I don’t know how to feel about any of this,” she sighed, “god I wish you were here.”
“Then I’ll come,” I blurted out, the instinct too prominent to ignore.
“What?” she gaped, as I pictured her with a hanging jaw.
“I’ll come to wherever you are, seen as you can’t come to me,” I replied, “that is if you want me to.”
“Of course I do,” she said, “but that’s a long trip for you and-“
“I don’t care about any of that,” I interrupted her before she went off on a selfless tangent, “seeing you is going to make whatever I have to do to get there worth it.”
“You’re an angel, a real life angel,” she whispered and I could hear the smile in her voice.
I laughed, “see you as soon as possible, I have a plane ticket to book.”
“Wait,” she told me suddenly, making me jump a little, “I’m paying.”
“Avery-“ I said, attempting to begin to decline.
“No, you can’t even decline because I’m a billionaire,” she snapped before I could even say no, “heck I could buy you the whole plane if I wanted.”
“You don’t have to do any of that,” I pressed further.
“Let me buy the ticket, it’s the least I can do,” she said, “and I’m getting Oren to pick you up from the airport.”
My mind flicked back to her explanation, the name sounded familiar. It took a few minutes for it to finally come to me, “Isn’t that bodyguard?”
“He’s the only one I’d trust with your life,” Avery explained.
“God Ave, you make it sound like I’m going to get shot,” I attempted to joke.
“I really need to be cautious at the moment,” she said, warning in her voice, “this whole billionaire business is not as glamorous as it seems.”
“Oh Avery,” I murmured sympathetically, “I’ll be there to hear every last drop in a few hours, okay?”
“Thank you,” she said, he tone thick with gratitude, “you have no idea how much this means to me.”
***
Next thing I knew I was on a first class flight to Texas at three AM in the morning. I’d never flown first class before. It’s a shame I didn’t get really experience it, seen as I fell asleep for the entire flight, still exhausted from my previous travels. For the parts I was awake, it was beautiful and such a lovely smooth ride. When I’d finally made my way through passport control and grabbed my luggage I was in search of Oren. Avery had text me the number plate of the car ready to pick me up. Seemed she’d forgotten to mention it was a limo I was being picked up in. That information alone would’ve sorted me out just fine as there was only one limo at the pick up station. I walked up to the window and tapped on the blackout glass. It rolled down all of a sudden, making me jump. A man sat in the front, a flat serious expression on his face.
“Identification,” he said before I could even get a word out.
Identification? What the hell did that mean?
“y/n l/n,” I guessed, my name seeming like a viable option for a response.
“Physical identification,” he clarified.
“Can’t you see my face?” I asked, not really knowing what else he meant by physical identification.
“Do you want to get in this car?” he deadpanned.
Great! I’d gotten on the wrong side of Mr. Smiley now.
I wracked my brain for what he could mean by physical identification, “do you want my passport or something?”
“That’ll do,” he nodded sharply.
I fumbled around in my bag like an idiot until I find my passport. I handed it over as soon as I could.
He took it swiftly and analysed it for a good few minutes, “okay jump in.”
“Are you Oren?” I asked, swinging the back door open and putting my suitcase down by the seats.
“Most certainly,” he replied, as I slid in.
“Avery mentioned you,” I clarified, worried he might he starts speculating I’m an enemy imposter dressed up as Avery’s friend coming to commit a murder.
He gave me a thoughtful look as he began to pull out of the pick up station, “all good things I hope?
“Very good things,” I reassured him.
He smiled to himself, almost looking touched, “that’s nice to hear.”
We fell into an awkward silence. There was nothing more necessarily to be said but something hung in the air waiting to be said, but I don’t think either of us could work out what. Thankfully for me, it was Oren who broke the silence first.
“It is also nice Avery has a friend coming to stay with her but I hope you understand you won’t be able to have your normal coffee and catch up anymore, Avery’s life is so different now,” he said, his tone authoritative and serious.
“I know,” I nodded, “I understand how dangerous it all is. I’m just here to make sure she’s okay.”
“That’s very nice of you,” he replied, “you are a good friend.”
“This is the bare minimum,” I shrugged lightly, “and I know she’d do the same for me if ever I needed it.”
And that was true. She’d do anything for me in a heartbeat. Avery needed me right now, so that’s exactly where I’d be.
***
The rest of the car journey was relatively smooth. I conversed briefly some more with Oren, having the standard school and home life, getting to know me talk. I didn’t mind his company at all, he was a genuine man with a kind heart. I could tell as much from just that hour in the car. When we finally pulled up, sunrise is on the horizon. The house was a phenomenon.
I got out of the car and just stared up at it, my jaw dropped in pure shock. The exterior was huge and it looked like a castle crossed with a Manor House crossed with the worlds biggest mansion. Everything about it screamed prestigious. It reminded me of a historical palace I once toured when I was younger.
“It’s quite something, isn’t it,” Oren smiled, handing me my luggage.
“Oh thanks,” I nodded, “and yeah, woah. Avery owns the whole of this?”
“Every acre,” he nodded.
“Someone needs to pinch me, so I know I’m not dreaming,” I murmured, “it’s magnificent.”
“It truly is,” Oren agreed.
I stared up at the building again and attempt to take in the grounds. It’s so vast I can’t even see all of it. It expands for what seems like forever. I was so lost in thought when my name was shouted that I nearly didn’t hear it altogether.
“Y/N!” shouted a voice. It could only be one voice.
“AVERY!” I screamed, whipping my head around.
I spotted my best friend and suddenly discarded all of my luggage, it somehow seeming irrelevant at this time. We sprinted towards one another as fast as possible and collided. I flung my arms around her and squeezed her as tightly as humanly possible, it’s a wonder I didn’t suffocate her. She did the same, holding me so close that I heard the uneven thumping of her heart in her chest. I inhaled the comforting scent of her perfume as I closed my eyes, suddenly feeling at home in her arms. I didn’t even realise I was crying until we pull away from each other.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” she laughed, tears also rolling down her cheeks.
“You better believe it girl,” I smiled, “thanks for the plane ticket, first class is gorgeous.”
“Get used to it,” she told me, with a little wink.
“No, I’m not becoming a gold digger friend,” I shook my head, putting a palm out, “I refuse.”
“We’ll see,” she said, with a graceful shrug.
“Nope,” I shook my head stubbornly.
“Let me show you the house,” she said, veering the subject elsewhere.
“I know you said it was big but you didn’t mention it was this big,” I gaped, my eyes glued to the structure.
She smiled sheepishly, “big was a bit of an understatement on my part.”
“You think?” I laughed, still trying to drink up the details.
As we walked up to the doorstep I became aware of movement coming from behind us, I turned around to see Oren walking around two meters behind us. Quickly I whipped my head back around to Avery, to avoid awkward eye contact with him.
“Does he follow you everywhere?” I asked, dropping my voice low.
“Most places,” she shrugged in reply.
I raised my eyebrows.
“It’s not as creepy as it seems, trust me,” she said, “he’s very subtle.”
“Okay,” I replied unsurely, tempted to turn around again.
“Just don’t think about it,” she told me as we approached the door.
I tried to, but it was impossible not to be aware of someone tracking your every move. I began to wonder if I’d been microchipped with cameras and microphones yet. Avery grabbed the door handle and turned it, pushing the door open to reveal what looked like magic.
It seemed even larger on the window with its towering central staircase and large windows. The corridors seemed endless and so did the rooms within them. The floorboards were wooden and glossy, clearly expensive. The carpeted parts were velvet, they must’ve been. I wouldn’t have been surprised to discover that everything was embroidered with some sort of gold laced trim. A large, intricately crafted chandelier hung roundly from the ceiling, glistening with crystals. It was mesmerisingly beautiful. And my best friend owned it all.
“Ave…” I trailed off, at a loss for words.
“I know,” she nodded, beaming at me, “come in.”
“I feel like if I walk on the floors I’ll scratch them or something,” I scoffed.
“Don’t be stupid,” she grinned, yanking my arm so I practically fell in, “where should we go first?”
“Shouldn’t we pick up a map or something?” I joked, “is there a tour guide who can show us around?”
She giggled, “I’m your certified map and tour guide today.”
“Lucky me,” I winked, “where to first, oh noble one.”
“How about my room?” Avery suggested.
“Yes! I need a room tour!” I replied, excitedly.
“This way,” she said, grabbing my hand and cocking her head towards the large central staircase, that split into two.
***
I’d thought the house was beautiful but I couldn’t believe Avery’s room. Heavenly was an understatement. She had a queen sized bed sat in the middle of the room, that looked so comfy just staring at it made me sleep. She had a chest of drawers and matching vanity and a massive bookshelf that I was green with envy of. I noticed two bifold doors on one side of the room, which confused me.
“Open them,” she grinned, as if reading my mind.
Slowly I curl my hand aground the edge and pried the two doors apart. I almost fainted at the sight. A walk in wardrobe. Of course I’d seen them in the movies but never in real life, in someone’s house. It was such a massive wardrobe, it reminded me of that scene from Barbie, where her wardrobe seemed endless.
“No way!” I gaped at her.
“Way!” she winked.
There were of course other species of furniture, like shelves, a desk and chair, a beanbag, bedside tables, an armchair and so much more. Anything could ever want or need was in that room. Like the huge TV or the mini fridge. There was a small door on the other side, which I presumed lead to an en-suite, as I caught a glimpse of bathroom tiles inside as the door was slightly ajar.
“It’s definitely an upgrade from the car,” Avery exhaled.
I looked at her sadly. I’d offered her to live with us for a while so many times, but she declined each and every time. I thought it was because she didn’t want to be a burden. She never deserved the life she had, she deserved this now. After all she’d been through, all she’d lost, all she’d worked for, she deserved this. And secretly I was glad a random dead billionaire left her in his will.
“Don’t give me that look,” she said quietly.
“What look?” I asked.
“The one where your eyes go all sad,” she murmured.
“My eyes go sad?” I said, almost laughing.
“You know what I mean,” she rolled her eyes, then sighed, “I wanted to live in my car okay?”
“Okay,” I mumbled, unconvinced.
No one wants to live in their car, it’s something you’re forced to do when your home is no longer liveable. But I didn’t press the matter, those days were long gone now. Now she had this. She pulled me down onto the mattress beside her. We laid down staring up at the ceiling, my head resting on hers. We didn’t say anything for a good while and the silence was comforting, it was nice. It allowed us to breathe a little.
“This house is full of secret passageways,” Avery murmured after a while.
“You’re kidding,” I said.
“Nope,” she grinned.
“This just gets more and more like a mystery movie by the second,” I replied, wide eyed.
“I know,” she said, “I’m finding it a little mental.”
“A little?” I scoffed.
She laughed lightly, airily. It was a pretty laugh but not a proper one, if I’d been looking at her face, I was sure that the smile wouldn’t have quite reached her eyes.
I say up and she followed suit, so I looked into her eyes and asked her, “are you really okay?”
There was a long pause. Hesitation. It told me everything already but still I waited for her to respond.
“No,” she sighed. It surprised me that she said that. Avery wasn’t one to admit she wasn’t okay very easily, not even to herself. So the fact that she was admitting that to me out loud spoke volumes. She was really not okay. I didn’t say anything right away and let her carry on.
“This is a lot,” she exhaled, “and I know it makes me sound so selfish. I have everything and anything I could ever want but it’s just so much to adjust to.”
“You don’t sound selfish, you sound human,” I reassured her. She needed to know that her feelings were normal, if I were in her position I know I’d be a mess. But she was here, holding it all together or trying to at least.
“I have a helicopter, a freaking helicopter and there’s all these interviews I have to do, functions I have to attend,” she exclaimed, “I don’t know what to do with myself half the time. I mean it’s so obvious I don’t fit in, I wasn’t born into all of this.”
She took a sharp breath in and I decided I needed to let her rant and get these things off of her chest.
“School is like a living hell, most people hate me,” she groaned, “private school is not for me, I’ve got no friends there and everyone seems to be either shooting me weird looks or whispering my name. And it shouldn’t affect me and I know it’s pathetically stupid but it really does.”
“Hey,” I soothed, rubbing up and down her arms, “kids are stupid and you know they’re just jealous. Besides you won’t be in school for that much longer anyway. One, two years with these people and then you never have to see them again. And you’ve only just joined recently, there’s time to make friends if you want to. And I’m only a call away, no matter where you are, what time it is, we have phones for a reason.”
“Yeah,” she blew out a breath, “yeah, okay.”
“You can carry on,” I told her, “just get the weight off of your shoulders.”
“I don’t want to complain, it feels wrong,” she sighed.
“Nu-uh,” I snapped wagging my finger, “you’re a human with feelings which means you have every right to complain so shoot girl.”
“Thank you, really,” she said, her big hazel eyes deep with gratitude.
“Stop thanking me for doing the bare minimum, this is like getting you a spoon from the cutlery drawer when you ask,” I said, “now tell me, what else?”
“My life is apparently constantly at risk, I mean I have bodyguard who is standing outside this door right now,” she replied, “I could be killed. Literally killed. And people want to do that to me and that’s so hard-“
Her voice broke and she struggled ro pull herself together, despite how hard she was trying. I instinctively enveloped my arms around her and pulled her tight to my chest
“I’m sorry Avery,” I murmured, “that’s awful, absolutely awful. But you have Oren and you know he’s going to take good care of you, you have whole teams of people preventing that from happening.”
She mumbled an indecipherable response and let a few tears slip.
“And these stupid people aren’t making things any easier for me. All of them are so…” she trailed off, “I can’t find the right word to describe them. Grayson thinks I’m some sort of threat and I’ve inherited this money because I’m a scheming, lying, manipulative snake. Xander seems to live to confuse me, constantly throwing out weird phrases that just throw me off. Nash, well Nash is just very laid back, he doesn’t seem to care about me or my role in the will which is good, but I don’t like the way he looks at Libby. And Jameson…” she hesitated, “Jameson thinks I’m just a game, one left by his grandfather. And the worst part is I dont even know what I’m here and I can’t figure it out.”
“Yet,” I replied.
She titled her head, confused, “What?”
“I can’t figure it out yet,” I explained.
“That’s patronising,” she said, “are you trying to take me back to first grade?”
“It might help you,” I shrugged.
“First grade?” she laughed.
“An open mindset,” I clarified.
She doesn’t reply.
“These grandsons for the most part seem a bit snobbish if you ask me, you shouldn’t pay too much attention to them,” I said, “they’re not worth you at all. You’re not a snake, you’re not stupid, your sister isn’t a prize and you’re not a game. You know this, in here,” I press my palm on the left side of her chest, “don’t let them make you forget it.”
She smiled through glossy eyes,“what would I do without you?”
“Have a mental breakdown in the shower alone and pretend it’s all okay,” I guessed.
“I did that yesterday,” she told me.
“Damn it I didn’t get here fast enough,” I joked, my heart breaking at the thought of Avery sobbing all alone.
She cracked a weak smile, “you got here, you are here, that’s all I care about.”
“Just take a second and breathe, okay?” I said.!
“Breathing,” she replied. I could hear she was breathing in and out in a rhythmic, calming motion.
“Good, keep going,” I nodded in encouragement.
We fell into silence again but like most of our silences, neither of us felt discomfort. I let her breathe, I let her think, I let her have the moment to herself I know she’d felt to selfish to take since she got here.
“Better?” I asked after a while.
“Better,” she nodded her head.
“You’re going to get through this, it just all seems a lot right now because you’re not used to it and it’s all come at once,” I said.
“Yeah, you’re right,” she replied.
We wrapped our arms around each other, a warm hug acting as some sort of cocoon, excluding the outside world for mere moments. I breathed in her shampoo, the smell comforting. We stayed in each other’s arms for long time. We had both needed it.
“I’m really glad your here,” she whispered as we pull away.
“I’m glad I’m here too,” I told her.
***
“I still can’t believe you live here now,” I exhaled, the side of my cheek pressed on her head.
We’d gone back to talking, catching up on each other’s lives for a bit. It seemed we just never could stop talking. And it felt good.
“I know, it’s crazy,” she admitted, “me and Lib have just about got used to it.”
“Libby’s here? Now?” I asked excitedly.
Avery nodded.
“Please can we go and see her?” I asked, “I haven’t seen her in so long.”
“Of course,” she grinned, “I’m just going to ignore the fact that you love my sister more than you love me.”
“It’ll probably make you feel better,” I shrugged, teasing her slightly.
“Hey!” she laughed, slapping my arm lightly.
I’d forgotten how much I’d missed Avery’s company. She wasn’t just my best friend, she was part of me. Every time we were together I was just immediately elevated. I needed her.
“What? You said it,” I grinned, poking my tongue out.
“My best guess is that she’s baking in the kitchen, so we’ll look there first,” she explained.
“How comes she’s baking at nine in the morning?” I asked.
“She’s productive,” Avery shrugged.
I nodded as we exited her room. I followed Avery, presuming she would know where she was going. But after a labyrinth of corridors and a few smiling landmarks, I began to doubt her orienteering skill and decided we were lost.
“Ave I swear I’ve seen that suit of armour before,” I mentioned to her.
“There’s a suit of armour?” she asked.
“We’ve seen it like three times now,” I nodded, pointing to it.
She tilted her head and examined it, “we have not!”
“I’m telling you we definitely have,” I replied,
“You have walked past it four times actually,” a sudden voice said, making me jump out of my skin.
I turned around to see a boy coming up behind us. He was very tall, towering over both Avery and I. There was a bounce in his step and amusement in his voice, he was young, energetic and full of life. He had dark skin and a small grin planted on his lips. And there was a certain wistful sparkle in his eyes. I presumed he was one of the four grandsons, but I was trying to work out which one due to the descriptions Avery had given me.
“Have you been watching us?” Avery scoffed, arms folded,
“I just happened to notice you walking past four times,” the boy shrugged.
Avery narrowed her eyes at him, “why did you count?”
“I wanted to see how many tries it would take you until you realised you were lost,” he replied coolly.
“We’re not lost,” Avery insisted.
“Are you sure?” he chuckled, eyebrows raised.
“I call it non-purposeful wandering,” I piped up
He looked at me for the first time, his deep chocolate eyes meeting mine. His eyebrows now shuffled inwards and he tilted his head to the side, “I don’t recognise you.”
“I’m y/n,” I smiled, “I came to visit Avery.”
“Pleasure to meet you,” he nodded, “did you only just arrive?”
“It was about an hour ago,” I shrugged in reply.
“Did you fly all the way out here?” he asked me.
“From Connecticut to Texas,” I confirmed with a short nod of the head.
“Now tell me,” he said, looking very serious, “do robots interest you?”
I side glanced at Avery and she subtly signalled for me to carry on conversation.
“I’ve never really thought about it before,” I said honestly.
“How have you lived your life without thinking about robots?” he gasped, looking somewhere between purely shocked and offended.
“I don’t know,” I replied, “should I start?”
“I’d strongly advise you to,” he said, “they’re most interesting.”
“Is that why you’ve got a singed eyebrow and oil on your sleeves?” I asked, not being able to suppress my mind’s curiosities.
“Observant,” he smiled.
“That’s what they say,” I replied awkwardly, knowing Avery would tease me about this later.
“Robots have a tendency to explode when you get them a bit wrong,” he explained, “if you can get past that, it’s great.”
“Explosions don’t really sound like my cup of tea,” I said, “but I suppose you never know until you try.”
“You have a good spirit,” he told me, “I think you would work well with robotics.”
“Thanks,” I replied, taking it as a compliment to mask my confusion over the whole conversation. I took him as someone who you just rolled with, no matter what. So that’s what I was attempting to achieve.
“Blueberry or lemon?” he asked me.
“Blueberry, no matter the context,” I answered without missing a beat.
“I like you,” he nodded, “Avery can we keep her?”
“For the time being,” she grinned, “unless she starts biting.”
“Can’t make any promises,” I winked then turned back to the boy, “you know your way around this place right?”
“Most of it, though I still discover a new secret passage way every now and then,” he shrugged, as if it were the norm to find secret passageways around your house.
“Do you know how we get to the kitchen?” Avery asked.
“And you said you’re not lost,” he teased her.
“She’s testing you,” I said,
“Is it because you got stuck non-purposefully wandering on your way there,” he smiled, using my precious wording,
“Precisely,” I nodded.
“Okay then,” he replied, “to get the kitchen you just need to follow these suits of armour and when they stop take two rights and walk down your closest set of stairs. You should find it there, if I’m not mistaken.”
My jaw hung slack, “you memorised that?”
“Sort of, thought I usually end up stumbling upon the kitchen by accident through a secret passage way,” he shrugged, “it’s an important room to locate.”
“I guess,” I agreed
He nodded, “Safe travels.”
“We’re not trekking across a desert,” I laughed.
“No,” he smiled, “this is much worse.”
And with that he turned and walked in the opposite direction. We watched him until he exited the corridor and went off elsewhere.
“That’s Xander,” Avery filled me in.
“The one who’s addicted to scones?” I asked, the blueberry or lemon question finally making sense.
“Yes, that’s him,” she confirmed.
“Yeah that figures,” I nodded, “I like him.”
“He’s nice, I mean he doesn’t act like he wants to kill me all the time so that’s a plus,” she said.
“Oh yeah, when do I get to meet the angel of a man who keeps wishing you death?” I grinned.
“Hopefully you won’t have to,” she grimaced
We finally made it to the kitchen, after a few wrong turns and a game of eeny-meeny-miny-mo. I spotted Libby from the doorway. She was piping vibrant blue icing, almost the colour of her hair, into a pink sponge cupcake. I snuck up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist, tightly squeezing her closer. She let out a small gasp in surprise.
“Guess who?” I murmured excitedly.
“Is this real or does someone have to pinch me?” she asked, the smile in her voice.
“It’s real,” I assured her.
I let go of her and she spun around, cupping my face in her palms.
“Y/n!” she beamed widely at me, brining me in for a hug, “hi love, it’s been a while, huh?”
“Too much of a while if you ask me,” I mumbled into her.
“Glad to see you again,” she smiled as we break apart. The unspoken ‘make sure my sister is okay’ running through her eyes.
“Me too,” I replied, silently reassuring her of the reason I was here.
“I’m starting to think you prefer my sister to me,” Avery scoffed, scooping a little buttercream onto her finger tip and popping it into her mouth
“Sometimes I do,” I replied mischievously.
“Hey,” she complained.
I stuck out my tongue in reply.
“Ooo please taste this,” Libby said, quickly grabbing a couple of cupcakes and handing one to both me and Avery.
“Well it’d be rude not to,” I grinned, taking one gratefully.
“It would,” she agreed as Avery broke the half of the bottom off of her cupcake and put it into of the icing to make her little cupcake sandwich.
I stared at her in disapproval, “you are a monster for doing that.”
“You’re just bitter because it’s the smartest way to eat a cupcake,” she replied.
“When you eat a cupcake you shouldn’t be analysing how you eat it you should just eat it how it is,” I exclaimed passionately. We’d had this fight many of times and I would never stop backing my corner.
“I don’t want icing smeared up my nose,” Avery defended, “and this is the best way to prevent that.”
I shook my head and took a bite of my cupcake, like a normal person. The flavours tantalised my tastebuds, teasing them to crave more. The cake itself was airy and light, not too dry but not too moist. It was the perfect cake to icing ratio and nothing was over sweet or too artificial. It was like heaven on my tongue. I’d really missed these.
“So…” Libby asked, nervously, “what do you think?”
“How do you do it?” I replied, taking another bite.
“Good?”
“That’s an understatement,” I told her, “is there fairy dust in this or something?”
“I wouldn’t be surprised,” a new person entered, cutting off whatever Libby’s reply was. His accent was definitely Texan and I looked up to my surprise to find an older looking man. Well not old at all, just older than me. I presumed he was in his twenties. He wore a cowboy hat, titled slightly to one side and from under it I noticed his brownish-blondish hair. He had hazel eyes and a sharp jawline but what stood out to me was his nose. He had a similar nose to Xander which gave him away to being another grandson, but which one?
“What are you doing here?” Libby asked, annoyance in her tone.
It surprised me. I had never heard Libby talk to anyone with any remotely negative connotation. I widened my eyes and looked to Avery who only shrugged in response.
“Coming to check up on you and your crazy cupcake baking obsession,” he explained, walking further into the room.
“I don’t need checking up on,” she grumbled, turning back to her piping bag.
“Oh I know that darlin’,” he smiled. It was the kind of smile that you don’t see often, the kind of smile that shows everyone else in that room that the person who is being smiled at is the other person’s whole world.
No one had ever smiled at me like that.
I scooted closer to Avery and whispered, “Are they…”
“I don’t know, I’m 99% sure but it’s not official,” she explained quickly.
“Oh okay,” I nodded.
We watched as they bickered, back and forth for a little bit, unsuppressed smiles on both of their faces. They meant something to one another, even if they didn’t know it yet. They continued to argue until the cowboy noticed my presence.
“Who’s the new one?” he asked, nodding at me
“New one? She has a name,” Libby said sharply.
“I’m y/n. Avery’s friend and Libby’s practically adopted little sister, nice to meet you,” I introduced myself.
“Am I even relevant anymore?” Avery sighed.
“Nope,” me and Libby grinned simultaneously.
“Nash,” he nodded, shaking my hand, “nice to meet you too.”
“We’re going to get going now,” Avery said, “I haven’t shown her the bowling alley yet.”
My eyes widened, “bowling alley?”
“Catch you guys later,” she grinned, pulling me out of the kitchen.
“You have a bowling alley in your house,” I said, still in shock, “why didn’t you tell me already?”
“When’s the best time to bring up the fact you have a bowling alley, I mean it’s not exactly normal conversation,” she told me.
“Okay fair enough,” I responded, as we start walking again, “so are we meeting everyone like it’s a parody of sorts?”
“Seems like it,” she sighed,
“Tour of the hottie Hawthorne’s,” I joked, spreading my arms out to reveal an invisible sign.
She giggled, “hottie?”
“Oh please, you can’t deny it, they’re all gorgeous so far,” I said.
She looked around cautiously, “they could be listening you know?”
“Oh well I’m sure they know,” I scoffed, “besides you’re telling me that you don’t find at least one of them attractive?”
“Moving on,” she said quickly, brushing over the subject, with pink-tinged cheeks.
“Are you blushing?” I asked her.
“No,“ she replied bluntly, “shut up.”
“You’re blushing,” I sang, “which one is it? Oh please tell me Ave!”
“None of them,” she insisted, digging her heals in.
“I don’t believe you,” I said, narrowing my eyes at her.
She replied, “that’s because you have trust issues.”
“No it’s because I know you’re lying,” I told her.
She didn’t reply.
“You better tell me fast because I will attempt to make a move on one of them at some point,” I warned her, “Nash is already out of the question because he’s Libby’s, so which ones yours? I’ll pick between the other two.”
She laughed. It was the first time since we’d met up that I’d seen her properly crack a smile, her eyes fully lighting up, “pick whoever you want, no one’s mine.”
“You might regret saying that later on,” I warned her.
“Doubt it,” she shrugged, “just be careful, okay? These people, this family… just be careful.”
“I will, promise,” I nodded, “so who’s on stage next in ‘let’s meet the Hawthorne brothers’.”
“It’s a surprise,” Avery said,
I smiled, “oooo how intriguing!”
We turned the corner and I noticed someone approaching. Avery did too, as I noticed her breathing sped up a little.
“Speak of the devil and I mean the literal devil, here comes another,” she muttered.
Approaching us was a blonde. Like his brothers, he was tall, but not as tall. He was dressed in what looked to be a highly expensive suit and matching designer shoes. His face was serious and unemotional, like it was paralysed in a state of seriousness.
“Woah, hello jawline,” I mumbled, after catching a glimpse.
“Wait until he looks you in the eyes,” Avery murmured.
“Oh god he walks really fast,” I said quietly, as he approached closer and closer.
She grinned at me, “rich boy leg strides.”
I tried to smile but fail, “Why is my heart beating so fast?”
“He has that effect of people,” she shrugged, “intimidation.”
“Why does he look like he wants to kill me,” I said under my breath when he was about two meters away.
“That’s just his face,” she reassured me.
I began to ask another question, “Are-“
“Shut up,” Avery hissed and I understood why. The blonde had stopped infront of us and he was staring me up and down, as if he were scanning for some sort of hidden weapon I had.
“Who’s this?” Goldilocks snapped, his voice clearly portraying his dominance.
“A friend,” Avery replied curtly.
“A potential threat,” he said sharply.
Why did everyone in this place think I was some sort of axe-murderer. Was it common in Texas or something?
“She’s none of your business,” Avery grits through her teeth.
“We’ll see about that,” he replied walking away.
He hadn’t bothered to introduce himself, though I couldn’t work out if it was because he felt I was too below him or he just didn’t feel a need to. Whatever it was, it was clear that there was a tension between those two, but I decided not to bring it up yet.
“What’s he going to do? Research me?” I scoffed.
Avery shrugged as we continue walking, “probably.”
“You’re kidding!” I laughed.
“I wish I was,” she said, wiping the smile off of my face.
“So I take it he’s the one that hates you for breathing?” I clarified, mentally ticking him off of my list of what Hawthorne’s I had met and what ones I hadn’t.
“Yep,” she nodded, “that was Grayson.”
“Yeesh, his jawline looked dangerously sharp,” I winced.
“Better not get on the wrong side of it,” she winked.
“I think I already am,” I blew out a breath, “I mean if looks could kill…”
“Oh we’d both be long gone,” Avery giggled.
“I get the eye thing now,” I groaned rubbing my eyes, “god, ouch, it burns.”
“Doesn’t the piercing grey just give you a headache?” she asked.
“It really does, have you got aspirin?” I said.
She shrugged, “somewhere in the maze of a house.”
“Was he wearing a designer suit?” I was dying to ask.
“Always,” she nodded.
“You’re kidding, all the time?” I gaped.
She sighed, “All the time.”
***
We spent the rest of the day in various different places. I adored the library and the dance studio as well as the karaoke bar and swimming pool. These people had everything. But something was playing on my mind. I’d met three of the four Hawthornes, which meant there was still one to go. I hadn’t seen the other all day, but I had stumbled across his brothers another few times. I found it odd. Avery only shrugged when I asked her about it and presumed he was drunk somewhere. Avery and I had also convinced ourselves Grayson had a murder club, consisting only of himself, and we were the first on his hit-list. We figured if we went, we’d go together so it’d be alright.
Somehow, after touring not even a quarter of the house, we ended up back on her bed again, me catching her up on old school drama. I’d forgotten that she’d missed the break up of the century with an added cheating scandal from the girl with the guy’s brother.
“Hey I just need to run and find Libby a minute, I’ll be back,” she’d told me, after she’d received a text in her phone.
“Everything okay?” I checked.
“Fine,” she nodded once, “I’ll be back soon.”
But soon didn’t feel that soon. It was a little awkward sat in someone else’s bedroom without them. I didn’t know what to do with myself. After a while, I decided I should look for Avery. I opened the door and smacked into someone and almost toppled over.
“You should really watch you’re going, heiress,” the person said.
“Maybe you should too,” I scowled, looking up to meet a pair of alluring green eyes.
“You’re not Avery,” he replied, looking very confused.
“Gee, you’re observant,” I rolled my eyes, then suddenly felt a pang of guilt, “sorry, I tend to overreact when I’m pissed off.”
“A quality we share,” he grinned slightly.
“I wouldn’t call it a quality,” I said.
I stared at him properly, he was tall with dark, unruly hair. He had a similar bone structure than his brothers but his face was softer than Grayson’s, his features warmer.
“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure,” he smiled, a witty, mischievous smile, “Jameson Hawthorne.”
He extended a hand towards me and I took swiftly it. His grip was hard, strong I noted. Jameson, the brother I was yet to meet. And dare I say it, he was the best looking by far.
“So who are you?” he asked.
“I’m y/n,” I said, “I’m a friend of Avery’s, I’ve come to stay with her.”
“That’s nice of you,” he commented, a little awkwardly.
“It’s the least I can do,” I replied quietly.
He doesn’t say anything back but I don’t want him to. It was hard enough focusing on conversation when he was looking at me. He was gorgeous. Simply gorgeous. His whole face with was the picture of perfection. Symmetrical, but not harshly, it was more of a mellow, kind symmetry, that enhanced all of his features. His soft looking lips, his nice shaped nose and his eyes. God those eyes. They were a rich green like nature, glistening with intelligent thoughts.
“Well I suppose I’ll see you around then,” he said, pocketing his hands.
“I suppose you will,” I replied.
He walked away slowly and I realised that evening that my stomach fluttered whenever I thought about the Hawthorne with the green eyes.
***
That night I found it so hard to sleep. Avery was out in a mere few minutes but I couldn’t even shut my eyes. Tossing and turning and tossing and turning until I got so bored that I just slipped out of bed all together. I pulled a pair of socks on and left Avery’s room, beginning to wonder the dark hallway. I didn’t really think any of it through. Wandering in the dark, alone, in a house I didn’t know, surrounded by people I didn’t know.
“Midnight wandering are we?”
His voice made me jump but I didn’t let him see that. I turned around to see Jameson Hawthorne stood behind me. How long had he been there then? He looked so poised, so ready, like a big cat on the prowl. He needed to know I wasn’t his prey.
“Maybe,” I replied, a smile adorning my lips, “but even if I am I don’t know why that’s any of your concern.”
“Maybe I’m not concerned, just curious,” he said, “are you lost?”
“No,” I lied to myself and the world.
He waited a few beats.
“Maybe a little,” I smiled shyly, “this place is even harder the navigate in the dark.”
“Lucky for you I know it like the back of my hand,” he did, extending his hand towards me.
I stared at it, “do you want me to hold it or something?”
“No,” he shrugged, “I mean if you want to-“
“No,” I blurted out quickly, “not at all.”
He dropped his hand, a shadow of an expression I couldn’t read shifting across his face.
“Follow me then,” he said, shooting me a lopsided grin that I somehow manage to make out in the dark.
I walked beside him. He was wearing a plain black t-shirt and slightly baggy pyjama pants. My cheeked heated up as I suddenly became horribly aware that I was dressed in my pyjama top reading ‘I need coffee’ and shorts decorated with cartoon coffee cups. I hoped Jameson wasn’t paying that much attention to me.
“So why are you awake?” he asked casually.
“I can’t sleep,” I replied bluntly. There wasn’t much more to it.
“Straight forward as that?” he said.
“Pretty much,” I shrugged, “why are you awake?”
“Can’t sleep,” he replied, with a small smile.
“Copycat,” I teased.
“Am I stealing your thunder?” he played along.
“Very much so,” I said, folding my arms across my chest, with a pointed stare laced with banter.
“My deepest apologies,” he exaggerated.
“Not accepted!” I exclaimed.
He grinned, then shoved his hands in his pockets, “Where do you want to go first?”
“Where would you like to take me?” I countered.
“I respect people who answer questions with questions,” he noted.
“Good because I do it far too often,” I told him.
“We’re going to the games room,” he announced.
“Why?” I questioned, like a whiny child.
“Because it is where I’d like to take you,” he shrugged delicately, before picking up the pace with longer leg strides.
I struggled to keep up as I asked, “this isn’t going to be like one of those sadistic murders where you cook me alive and blame it on someone else is it?”
“How did you figure out my master plan?” he teased, with a joking expression.
“I guess you’re just too predictable,” I replied, with a laugh.
“So you watch true crime then?” Jameson said.
From that comment I gathered he was an analyser. Just like me. He analysed conversation and made educated assumptions about people. But what split us apart was that he had the courage to say it to there faces, I kept all my observations in my head. I didn’t care if they were unconfirmed. But Jameson did.
“I listen to a podcast now and then, not a fanatic or anything like that,” I replied.
“Should we play a game?” he said to me, changing the subject suddenly.
“I thought we were going to a games room?” I said.
He thought for a moment and then responded, “a pre-game game.”
“I’ve heard you and your family are quite fond of those,” I said.
“Oh really?” he joked, quirking a brow.
“Yes really,” I grinned back.
“I see,” he pondered “and do you like games?”
“Depends,” I replied.
“On…” he prompted.
“What I’m playing,” I told him, “who I’m playing it with and why I’m playing it.”
“Interesting,” he hummed, opting thoughtful tone, “the man who makes it doesn’t want it, the man who buys it doesn’t need it and the man who needs it doesn’t know it yet.”
“Is that a riddle?” I almost laughed. It was so out of the blue, so sudden asking me a riddle in the middle of a conversation.
“Is my last name Hawthorne?” he countered with a smirk.
“A coffin,” I answered briskly. It wasn’t difficult to work out.
His eyebrows flew to his forehead, “that was fast.”
“Your riddle was maudlin and far too simple,” I shrugged.
He raised an eyebrow, “too easy? Okay, let’s try another and see if you’re as cocky.”
“Not cocky, just honest,” I replied.
He paused for a moment, thinking, “how can you physically stand behind your father while he is standing behind you?”
“My father is dead,” I said. It was true. I don’t know he I suddenly felt the need to blurt it out. It just happened.
“Oh-“
“But we’d have to be standing back to back,” I replied quietly, “that’s the answer to your riddle.”
“Correct again,” he nodded, then hesitated, “and I’m sorry about your dad,”
“Oh it’s okay, it’s not your fault,” I shrugged lightly, “I was young when it happened.”
I didn’t remember much, just being told I wouldn’t see him ever again. I had asked why and they had said he was going to stay in the stars now. And when I asked them if he’d ever come and visit, they told me couldn’t. So I cried. During the most part of my childhood I despised the stars, I’d stare up at them with a tear streaked face and curse them for stealing my dad. When I got older I realised the only thief was death and that the stars were nothing but a metaphor to hold a memory.
“I’m sorry,” he said again.
I shoot him a small smiled, letting him know I’m okay and that we can move on. He read my expression well and together we carry on. After a little while he stopped in his tracks outside a set of doors. I almost crashed into the back of him as he paused to abruptly. He swung both doors open at the same time, having a little ‘Elsa’ moment in let it go, as he walked through with his held high. I quickly followed, trying not to gape at the extraordinary components of the room.
There was a pool or was it a snooker table, there was air hockey, ping pong, table football, everything you could ever imagine. There was also a regular coffee table, surrounded by comfy looking chairs and a sofa. But what caught my eye the most was the games cabinet. It was a sight to behold. It covered an entire wall and reached all the way up to the ceiling. There was a ladder on the side that looked like it could slide across, like a book ladder. Within the cabinet laid dozens upon dozens of board games and other games alike were piled atop of each other, like books in an old crooked bookshop, all slanted and uneven in the most perfect of ways. There must’ve been thousands of games here. Jameson caught me staring.
“Ever played chess?” he asked, cocking his head to the side.
“I don’t live under a rock you know,” I deadpanned.
He cracked a smile, “good.”
He jumped on the ladder and swiftly pulled out one of the several chessboards from the shelf and placed it down on the little coffee table. I followed him there and we both sat down. He then began to set it up and I was quick to help out the pieces in place.
“How good are you?” he asked.
“Why? You scared?” I teased, attempting to psych him out before the game even started.
“Only curious,” he said, cool as a cucumber.
“I can’t say,” I shrugged, “how can I judge my own ability fairly, I’m biased.”
“I suppose,” he replied, “but you would know if you’re alright at it.”
“I’ve won before,” I said. Actually I’d won quite a lot before, many many times. I wasn’t exactly lying, just being vague to work in my favour.
The board is set up, “what colour?”
“You choose,” I told him.
He shifted the board so the black chess pieces are on his side. Secretly my preference was the white anyway. I did a quick analysis of the board and sketch out a rough game plan in my head. I didn’t spend to long thinking, this game could go anyway and I didn’t want to be thrown off, but knowing what you sort of want to do was a start. Definitely the first few moves anyway.
“You start,” he urged.
“Such a gentleman,” I joked.
“I can’t help it,” Jameson winked in response.
I picked up a pawn between my middle finger a thumb, surprised at how smooth the finish was. This was an expensive chess set. I went with my classic start move of two spaces forwards into the centre. He grinned and mirrored the move on his turn.
“Copycat,” I teased.
“I would apologise but you still haven’t forgiven me from earlier,” he shrugged in reply.
“And I probably never will,” I grinned.
“Is this the beginning of some Shakespearean vendetta?” he scoffed, with a playful undertone.
“It might be, we’ll have to see,” I shrugged, “I haven’t decided whether it’s a comedy or tragedy yet.”
“Pick comedy, I don’t want to die at the end,” he said.
“We’re all going to die at the end,” I told him.
He replied, “not what I meant.”
“I know,” I smiled.
“You’re getting in my head,” he observed, realising my tactic.
“Am I?” I asked, batting my eyelashes.
“Yes you’re distracting me from the game,” he said sharply.
“Oh I hadn’t even realised!” I exclaim, doe eyed and innocent.
He narrowed his eyes at me, “your move.”
“Right,” I nodded.
We didn’t have much conversation after that. Actually the only conversation consisted of ‘your turn’ or ‘thanks’. Other than that only the sound of chess pieces being slid about the board could be heard as well as the dull silence that seemed like the loudest sound of them all.
Jameson had a lot of my pieces, the ones I didn’t need in my opinion. I let him have them, I want him to think I don’t know how to defend my pieces.
go on… my mind smiles, please. underestimate me.
I was deceptive and wanted him to underestimate me so I could surprise him, catch him off guard and steal the game from right under his annoyingly perfect nose. But Jameson Hawthorne wasn’t a big of a fool as I thought him to be. The few times I’d been forced to pull out critical moves, he noted them. He began to realise my talent for the game about half way through. He too was a talented player. His moves were swift but calculated, he was going to be a hard opponent to beat.
Move after move. Minute after minute. It was getting intense. Every move was critical, every second in between play was agonising. I found myself constantly self-consciously chewing on my bottom lip, captivated in my concentrated state.
He made his move and suddenly I realised what I can do. I could take a risk and bargain on what his next move was to trick him, but the tactic would only work if he moved the piece I needed him to move, otherwise it was checkmate for me. I sat there, weighing up my options. There was a chance he’d work it out and beat me, but there was also a chance he wouldn’t and I’d beat him. My eyes darted from left to right and back again until I impulsively took the chance. Praying my efforts had paid off, I watch his painstakingly slow next move. He shifted his knight diagonally by two. I wanted to stand up and scream in joy. I had him trapped. Brilliant. My calculated risk had actually worked. I kept a poker face as I realised he’d not yet noticed that I was a venus flytrap and he had crawled blindly towards me.
“Checkmate,” I smiled, leaning back.
His eyes were wide with surprise as his eyebrows shot up to his forehead. The reaction was so real, he didn’t have time to hide it. His jaw wanted to hang down but he was stopping it, I could see the clenched muscles.
“What?” I asked “didn’t plan on being beaten?”
“I was going easy on you,” he gritted through his teeth.
I grinned widely. So losing was a sore spot for Mr Hawthorne. Interesting.
“That would explain why you look so shocked that I won,” I said with a sweet victorious smile.
“Fine, rematch but this time we play Hawthorne chess,” he replied, as if it were a deadly game.
“Hawthorne chess?” I raised my eyebrows.
He only smirked in reply.
***
He explained the rules. It was a lot like regular chess but there were six boards to play over and a few added rules that confused me. It wasn’t long before Jameson had me cornered.
“Checkmate,” he grinned, nicking my king.
“I was going easy on you,” I teased, mocking his earlier comment.
“Ha-ha,” he deadpanned, looking very unamused.
“Is your ego mended now you have a win?” I asked.
“Not quite,” he replied.
“Shame,” I pouted.
“Another match?” he suggested.
I shook my head then rubbed my temples, “I can feel a headache coming on. It’s probably from my lack of sleep.”
“Do you want me to walk you to bed?” he offered.
I shook my head again, “I’m not tired. My head just hurts.”
“I know something that might help,” he said.
“Okay,” I agreed.
“Fancy taking a trip the kitchen?”
“This is feeling very serial killer-y again.”
“I only snap into serial killer-y mode every third Wednesday,” he joked.
“Well now I know I’m safe!” I grinned back at him
***
We walked to the kitchen together and I noted it was a completely different route to the one I’d taken with Xander’s instructions this morning with Avery.
Once we got there Jameson leaned against the counter and asked me, “do you like hot chocolate?”
I nodded.
“Or would you prefer a coffee?”
His eyes were pinned to my pyjama set as he said it. I self-consciously looked down and blush a deep shade of scarlet, remembering the deign, as he snickered.
“Very witty,” I rolled my eyes sarcastically, “hot chocolate is fine.”
He fumbled around for a saucepan in the endless row of cupboards. I didn’t know how he knew which one to search in, they were all identical. He put it onto the hob and added some milk.
“Our cook goes home after serving dinner so I’ve gotten pretty good at midnight concoctions,” he explained.
“The way you say that makes me a little nervous there,” I told him.
“Maybe you should be,” he flashed a smile.
He put the hob on to heat up the milk and grabbed the instant hot chocolate powder, whipped cream, mini marshmallows and sprinkles.
“Are you five years old?” I laughed.
“Mentally,” he nodded, “is that an issue?”
“Not at all,” I said , “I’m with you there.”
“Nice to know I have a fellow person who had the metal capacity of five year old too,” he beamed, “our conversations will be incredible.”
“We’re having a conversation right now,” I stuck my tongue out, childishly.
“I’m describing the ones in the future,” he rolled his eyes, before returning my tongue gesture by poking out his own.
I smiled to myself as I watched him silently. Even at this time at night - or was it morning by now - he looked good. I wished I could see him like this every night and not feel like I was stealing glances at him.
“So what about you?” Jameson asked suddenly.
“What about me?” I chuckled.
“Well I don’t know much about you,” he clarified.
“You know my name,” I shrugged, searching for more information about myself, “I’m seventeen, Avery is my best friend, my dad’s dead, I like hot chocolate but I also like coffee, I find the rain relaxing, I used to play chess a lot, I like to read novels, I don’t like sleeping but I do all at the same time… now what about you?”
“What about me?” he tilted his head to the side, copying what is aid moments ago
“I gave you my information now you give me yours.”
“Jameson Winchester Hawthorne, I’m eighteen,” he began, “my best friends are my brothers, I don’t know my dad at all, my grandfather liked to give me games, I like hot chocolate and coffee, I prefer the snow to the rain, I have played chess since I could talk, I like to read too and I love sleeping but I don’t do enough of it.”
He’s countered all off my points and mirrored them with his own. It was interesting to compare us. We were similar but so different. I was about to reply but he cut me off.
“Woah!”
“What?” I asked.
“The milk!” He yelled, worry outlining his features.
I spun around to see the saucepan emitting in a thick blanket of steam.
“Why is it smoking? Can milk even smoke?” he shouted.
“It’s steam!” I rolled my eyes.
“Can milk even steam then?” he quipped.
“It’s a boiling liquid of course it can steam!” I exclaimed, for someone so smart, I did wonder how he was acting so stupidly.
“What do I do?” he panicked, the stress evident.
“Take it off the heat!” I cried out. I’d thought that was logical but no. Apparently it was not.
“Oh shit, yeah,” he said, almost laughing
He took the pan off of the heat and the steam began to die down. We made eye contact and started laughing like mad people, until our lungs couldn’t take it anymore and we had to get our breaths back, our bellies aching. We just seemed to fit, me and him. It was like we were the two missing pieces of a jigsaw that have been lost between the sofa cushions for years and now we’d finally been found and put together to complete the puzzle.
The milk turned out pretty much okay and we prepared the drinks a lot easier than we’d heated them. Jameson added every topping going excessively, which made me shake my head and laugh. When we were both done I took a sip, the warm liquid seeping through my body to the tips of my toes, making me feel a little less cold. It was delicious.
“Verdict boss?”
“S���alright,” I shrugged, “I’m kidding, it’s really lovely actually.”
“I agree,” he nodded, “maybe I should smoke my the milk more often.”
I laughed, “you didn’t smoke the milk, it just got a bit steamy.”
“Steamy,” he wiggled his eyebrows
“You really do have the brain of a five year old,” I sighed inwardly.
“Hey! I thought we already established that and moved on,” he said.
“I felt like we needed the conversation to resurface but we’ll put it to bed,” I sighed, then with a mischievous look on my face added, “for now.”
He grinned at me, taking another swig of his hot chocolate, this time getting whipped cream on his nose. I subtly rubbed my nose, hoping he’d mirror my body language or take the hint. He did. Silence hit us like a bus would hit an animal running across the road in the dead of night. Quickly. It wasn’t exactly uncomfortable but nor was it comfortable. It just was. The only sound was the occasional sip of our hot chocolates.
After a while, I became aware that he was looking at me, actually it was more like staring. It was an analytical look in his eyes, like I was some sort of science experiment rather than a person.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked, trying not to squirm as he held his gaze.
“You’re a lot like Avery you know,” he replied thoughtfully.
The comment caught me off guard and I couldn’t work out why. It wasn’t exactly an insult but it hit me like one. Why was Avery on his mind? And why was she on his mind whilst he was looking at me?
“Our brains work in similar ways,” I hummed, “I think that’s why we’re so close.”
“I noticed that,” he nodded, “but I also noticed you’re quite different at the very same time.”
The same and different? Being cryptic, I’ve decided, is a Hawthorne personality trait.
“How so?” I said.
“There’s something about you that is…” he paused to find the right word, “bolder.”
Bold? Really? That was one of last words I would have described myself with.
“You’ve only known me for a day,” I scoffed, “and you haven’t exactly known Avery for that long either.”
“I know,” he replied, “but you’ll find I’m very observant.”
It was only then I noticed his smile. It was the same smile Nash had on his face when he looked a Libby. And I hated to admit it but he look beautiful. His eyes illuminated, sparkling, bright. He looked genuinely happy. It made my heart melt a little, I wanted to see that smile every day. There was only major problem. I didn’t know if he was smiling at the thought of me or the thought of Avery. He could have easily be thinking about either of us and I didn’t want to get the wrong idea.
“You think Avery’s some sort of riddle,” I stated, trying not to let the bitterness seep through my tone.
“And you don’t like that?” he observed, an eyebrow raised.
“Any person who values another as just another game doesn’t get my greatest sympathies, no,” I told him blatantly.
“And what if she is?” he challenged, defensive.
“Is that all she is to you? Just a game?” I asked, getting angrier by the second, “what happens when the game ends Hawthorne, ask yourself that.”
“Then the game ends,” he shrugged, nonchalant as ever, “there’s not much more to say.”
“So she becomes nothing if not a tool for your own wants and needs?” I asked, stating it as bluntly as a pencil that barely writes.
“I didn’t say that,” Jameson insisted, a mixture of feelings betraying the usual mask he hid behind.
“You’re implying it,” I hissed, my eyes overcast, darkened.
He didn’t deny it and that gave me the only answer I needed.
“Now I don’t know you very well, but from what I have to go off of, I didn’t pin you as someone who was selfish,” I told him, raw passion in my voice, “a little bit cocky and far too brave, sure, but not selfish,” I snapped, my tone sharper, “but you’re acting like it and it’s not fair.”
He didn’t reply. Instead he morphed into some sort of stone statue, unmoving, unemotional, unwavering. I felt like a mother scolding her reluctant child.
“And did you even consider how hard this has been for her?” I questioned him, “coming here, to this labyrinth of a house, her life now dictated by a will, forever changed. She’ll never be able to walk the streets again like a normal person without paparazzi bombarding her. She’s just about adjusting to living here, one of your brothers seems like he wants to kill her, you treat her as if she’s a game and she’s being bombarded by the media, I mean the poor girl doesn’t even know why she’s here. She didn’t ask for this and I don’t want her to have to put up with your ‘I’m a Hawthorne so I’m going to use you because I’m entitled’ shit.”
Again, I got no response. For someone so witty and poetic with his words it was odd that now he chose to be silent. He stood still and said nothing. I wanted to shake him until he made a sound but instead I chose to be diplomatic, I chose to carry on.
“You can’t think of her like that, it’s not fair. Not for her or for yourself,” I said, “if you go by your whole life thinking everyone and everything is a game you’re going to lose people, fast.”
“You sound experienced,” he finally said, not replying to a word of my rant just picking out who he thought I was.
“Yeah well maybe I am,” I laughed bitterly.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured, “I didn’t realise what it might feel like from her perspective of things. I’m used to being in my grandfather’s world, a world full of games and tricks and puzzles.”
“People aren’t puzzles,” I snapped.
“I disagree with you there,” he said, “people shouldn’t be treated like puzzles but every person is a puzzle.”
“Am I a puzzle to you Jameson?” I challenged, taking a step towards him.
“You’re one of the most intriguing ones yet,” he whispered, moving closer to me.
“Funny, I think I could say the same about you,” I murmured.
My face was inches from his, close enough to see his beauty up close. It was even more breathtaking. He looked down at me, his eyes so tentative, so gentle. We moved closer into each other, like a magnetic force was reeling us in, we had no control. It felt natural, it felt right. Our lips were about to brush…
He cleared his throat and pulled away quickly. My face grew very flushed as my eyes darted to the nearest corner of the room I could focus on.
“Still not tired?” he asks after a few beats of silence.
“Not in the slightest,” I replied, our eyes connecting once again. The soft rolling fields of hypnotic emeralds once again speeding up my heart rate.
“Good because neither am I,” he smirked, “say, have you ever played strip bowling?”
Now this could get interesting.
a/n: again, I’m really sorry for how long this took me to write and I realise it’s not my most amazing work, so sorry 😔😔 I really wanted to portray a strong friendship with Avery as well as interest in Jameson but idk if that was achieved. anyways hope this was okay, thanks for reading <3
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tossawary · 4 months ago
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I feel like I should be clear, as I poke and prod at all of the loose threads of various "Star Wars" media, and I say that this part or that part was bad or weak or frustrating, that I do genuinely like SW a lot. I think it's fun to examine the flaws (when I note that a character has personality flaws, that is not necessarily to say that I think this is a flaw in the writing), but there's a lot about it that I think is genuinely good. And not just because I first became enamored with magic laser swords as a small child and will always be fond of space operas with Muppets. (Look, I know Yoda isn't real. He's a puppet. I know this. But also, look at him!!! He's a person!!! Like Kermit the Frog!!!) Not just "SW would be so good if it was good" potentially good, but already strong and interesting and exciting!
(Admittedly, I keep thinking this, then I yet again stumble on some part of SW that's pretty rancid (the racist caricatures) or just kind of boring, and then it's like, "Oh, come on, I was JUST defending you!!! Stop betraying me this way!!!" There's a lot about it that's: "Yikes. Not cool." I don't think anyone needs to overlook those things.)
Trying to put my finger on the magic of SW for me is hard. My mind keeps going back to that Pratchett quote: "It's still magic even if you know how it's done." SW at this point is the work of thousands of artists. A labor of love for so many!!! (And just a job for others, but that's still effort!) Writers, actors, editors, costumers, makeup artists, puppeteers, set builders, matte painters, prop makers, musicians, foley artists, animators, illustrators, choreographers, stunt actors, game developers, and on and on, and science fiction and fantasy makes so much of their work even more obvious as they try to construct whole worlds, which often clash against each other. The creative strings of SW are so visible. They are shamelessly funky and weird and vibrant and working on rule of cool! What it does and what it's trying to do are right there to pluck! So reachable! You can really dig your hands into those plot holes! If you're an artist, the ancient, unwieldy movie magic giant that is SW kind of says to you, "Hey, you could do this too."
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moonlitrogue · 22 days ago
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hi
can i ask about mercury in the 8th house?
Hi! Of course ~~~
 ☿▪️ Excluding other factors and aspects, Mercury takes on a Plutonian intensity when it resides in the Eighth House.
 ☿▪️ The house of transformation and slow, inevitable changes clashes with Mercury, the fastest planet overseeing our relations with the realm of ideas.
☿ Mercury in 8th House ☿
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‧₊˚🖇️   Mercury in 8h is a mental scalpel interested in extracting spiritual and psychological insights.
‧₊˚🖇️ Natives are driven with the tendency to get to the bottom of things.
‧₊˚🖇️ Mercury in the 8th house gives me gothic academia vibes.
‧₊˚🖇️ Except these natives aren't just learning from books. The way they think, communicate and understand the world is often through intense life experiences.
‧₊˚🖇️ Alternatively, simple conversations, or casual reading, or day-to-day operations can result in the natives having profound realizations
‧₊˚🖇️ This placement bestows an insatiable curiosity on life's hidden mysteries - a bent towards the occult and the esoteric, as well as taboo subjects is quite common.
‧₊˚🖇️ As curious as they may be they can end up spooking themselves at times with what they unearth 🤭
‧₊˚🖇️ Communication style - often go straight to the heart of the matter, probing and inquisitive, choose their words carefully and selective about what they share.
‧₊˚🖇️ Their words have the ability to cut you. Some of the natives can be harsh or shrewd in their communication.
‧₊˚🖇️ They're either impressive or incomprehensible speakers.
‧₊˚🖇️ Excavators of information and insight - they may be attracted to forensic investigation, psychotherapy, investigative journalism, neuroscience, archaeology, paleontology, foreign travelling/research/hidden cultures, financial and risk analysts, estate attorney and legal advocacy, human rights, public-speaking, filmmaking esp. thriller fiction (+writer/researcher), strategy based sports to name some.
‧₊˚🖇️ Could also be a skilled entrepreneur, or political analyst, or negotiator due to their ability to quickly read between the lines and anticipate moves in a high-stakes situation
‧₊˚🖇️ They have a survivor's mindset driving them to achieve in areas of mental endurance and transformations. Adversely, they could be arrogant and boastful.
‧₊˚🖇️ Natives may struggle with emotional processing of grief as they're quick to intellectualize life's mysteries and pain, faster than their emotions can keep up.
‧₊˚🖇️ May have had secrecy or taboos surrounding their early childhood learning ( eg. going to an isolated school); could be private in their learning methods
‧₊˚🖇️ Sibling dynamics could have involved secrecy and betrayal, making them attached to psychological observations
‧₊˚🖇️ Natives will benefit from deep-breathing exercises and outdoor activities ( doesn't include exploring foggy meadows, cemeteries, abandoned houses or crime scenes 🤨)
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agentrouka-blog · 6 months ago
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Do you think that the Dance is also meant to be a foreshadowing for the books like D vs fA or Jon? Because I feel like with how the story is centered to the Starks, whoever gains their support (obv Jon if he joins 😂) will win and we get to have a second hour of the wolf
Let's put it this way: The main novel series is the point, and the Dance of Dragons is a result of its existence, it is fictional historical backstory that is meant to inform, illustrate and foreshadow the events of the main series.
The first book of the main novel series was published in 1996. It already contained references to the Dance of the Dragons, and they reappear sprinkled through the series, increasing in detail and relevance.
What is interesting is that the thing most emphasized about the Dance in the main series is the intra-family strife. Brother v. sister - and transcribed into the kingsguard: brother against brother, metaphorical and literal.
Bran was going to be a knight himself someday, one of the Kingsguard. [...] Bran knew all the stories. [...] The twins Ser Erryk and Ser Arryk, who had died on one another's swords hundreds of years ago, when brother fought sister in the war the singers called the Dance of the Dragons. (AGOT, Bran II)
It's a popular, high-culture piece of music that plays on the multiple perspectives of the historical event.
Later, while Sansa was off listening to a troupe of singers perform the complex round of interwoven ballads called the "Dance of the Dragons," Ned inspected the bruise himself. (AGOT, Eddard VII)
A Clash of Kings (1998) contains no reference, though you could consider the entire developing civil war to be an answer to that first reference.
A Storm of Swords (2000) picks it up again in much greater detail.
Stannis - notably having killed his brother over the throne - emphasizes the aspect of treason while discussing the fate of his wife's uncle Alester Florent.
"It has always been so. I am not . . . I am not a cruel man, Ser Davos. You know me. Have known me long. This is not my decree. It has always been so, since Aegon's day and before. Daemon Blackfyre, the brothers Toyne, the Vulture King, Grand Maester Hareth . . . traitors have always paid with their lives . . . even Rhaenyra Targaryen. She was daughter to one king and mother to two more, yet she died a traitor's death for trying to usurp her brother's crown. It is law. Law, Davos. Not cruelty." (ASOS, Davos IV)
The song makes another appearance at Joffrey's wedding, once again emphasizing that it is a complex story from multiple perspectives. Also setting up the inter-Lannister collapse that has been brewing for a while and explodes with Joffrey's murder.
Collio began with his version of "The Dance of the Dragons," which was more properly a song for two singers, male and female.  (ASOS, Tyrion VIII)
Jaime brings it back around to the kingsguard pseudo-brotherhood, which mirrors the inter-family aspect of the civil war.
The old and the new. Jaime wondered if that meant anything. There had been times during its history where the Kingsguard had been divided against itself, most notably and bitterly during the Dance of the Dragons. Was that something he needed to fear as well? (ASOS, Jaime VIII)
Given the mess that is made of the kingsguard in the coming book in KL and in Dorne... yes, Jaime.
By AFFC (2005) GRRM firmly establishes the Dance as a historical reference for destructive civil war over feuding siblings.
And the songs he chose . . . He sang of the Dance of the Dragons, of fair Jonquil and her fool, of Jenny of Oldstones and the Prince of Dragonflies. He sang of betrayals, and murders most foul, of hanged men and bloody vengeance. He sang of grief and sadness. (AFFC, Sansa I)
It also turns the focus on Criston Cole as an alleged external engineer of such strife. Interestingly, his arms resemble a ladybug, Targaryen colors but not Targaryen.
"Most deserve to be forgotten. The heroes will always be remembered. The best." "The best and the worst." So one of us is like to live in song. "And a few who were a bit of both. Like him." He tapped the page he had been reading. "Who?" Ser Loras craned his head around to see. "Ten black pellets on a scarlet field. I do not know those arms." "They belonged to Criston Cole, who served the first Viserys and the second Aegon." Jaime closed the White Book. "They called him Kingmaker." (AFFC, Jaime II)
Contrasting to Stannis, Arianne uses the Dance as an example of treason from the other side, trying to manipulate kingsguard Arys Oakheart into supporting her coup against her father and brother, even though by Dornish custom her role would more rightly resemble that of Aegon II because she is the legal heir and believes her father to favor second-born Quentyn. Notably, Criston Cole is blamed over all Targaryen's involved. Ridiculous but probably significant.
Ser Criston Cole. Criston the Kingmaker had set brother against sister and divided the Kingsguard against itself, bringing on the terrible war the singers named the Dance of the Dragons. Some claimed he acted from ambition, for Prince Aegon was more tractable than his willful older sister. Others allowed him nobler motives, and argued that he was defending ancient Andal custom. A few whispered that Ser Criston had been Princess Rhaenyra's lover before he took the white and wanted vengeance on the woman who had spurned him. "The Kingmaker wrought grave harm," Ser Arys said, "and gravely did he pay for it, but . . ." (AFFC, The Soiled Knight)
Quite fittingly, Arianne's own little "dance" ends with horror and death and deep regret on her side, while poor Quentyn is busy on the other side of the planet.
Meanwhile, GRRM keeps the subject current in ADWD (2011) after Tyrion joins the entourage of "Young Griff", mixing in a reminder of different perspective on historical events. And some dragonslaying. Clearly, he has compiled a lot of detailed backstory for this civil war by now.
Haldon was unimpressed. "Even Duck knows that tale. Can you tell me the name of the knight who tried the same ploy with Vhagar during the Dance of the Dragons?" Tyrion grinned. "Ser Byron Swann. He was roasted for his trouble … only the dragon was Syrax, not Vhagar." "I fear that you're mistaken. In The Dance of the Dragons, A True Telling, Maester Munkun writes—" "—that it was Vhagar. Grand Maester Munkun errs. Ser Byron's squire saw his master die, and wrote his daughter of the manner of it. His account says it was Syrax, Rhaenyra's she-dragon, which makes more sense than Munken's version. Swann was the son of a marcher lord, and Storm's End was for Aegon. Vhagar was ridden by Prince Aemond, Aegon's brother. Why should Swann want to slay her?" (ADWD, Tyrion III)
Dragonslaying comes up again in the context of Hazzea and the effects of dragons in general.
If I look back, I am doomed, Dany told herself … but how could she not look back? I should have seen it coming. Was I so blind, or did I close my eyes willfully, so I would not have to see the price of power? Viserys had told her all the tales when she was little. He loved to talk of dragons. She knew how Harrenhal had fallen. She knew about the Field of Fire and the Dance of the Dragons. One of her forebears, the third Aegon, had seen his own mother devoured by his uncle's dragon. And there were songs beyond count of villages and kingdoms that lived in dread of dragons till some brave dragonslayer rescued them. At Astapor the slaver's eyes had melted. On the road to Yunkai, when Daario tossed the heads of Sallor the Bald and Prendahl na Ghezn at her feet, her children made a feast of them. Dragons had no fear of men. And a dragon large enough to gorge on sheep could take a child just as easily. (ADWD, Daenerys II)
In a telling twist on the name that pulls it directly into the present and likely future, we look at burned Quentyn:
After the girl was gone, the old knight peeled back the coverlet for one last look at Quentyn Martell's face, or what remained of it. So much of the prince's flesh had sloughed away that he could see the skull beneath. His eyes were pools of pus. He should have stayed in Dorne. He should have stayed a frog. Not all men are meant to dance with dragons. (ADWD, The Queen's Hand)
Which echoes again with Arianne in her TWOW sample chapters (2010-ish), which (interestingly) also flesh out her relationship with Daemon Sand, an intentional reference to a prominent character in the dance linked to Rhaenyra.
"Once we know beyond a doubt whether these be friends or foes, my father will know what to do," the princess said. It was then that pasty, pudgy Teora raised her eyes from the creamcakes on her plate. "It is dragons." "Dragons?" said her mother. "Teora, don't be mad." "I'm not. They're coming." "How could you possibly know that?" her sister asked, with a note of scorn in her voice. "One of your little dreams?" Teora gave a tiny nod, chin trembling. "They were dancing. In my dream. And everywhere the dragons danced the people died."
Much like with Daenerys, this reference emphasizes the destructive effects of the dragon-based civil war.
Since Arianne's little stint as pseudo-Rhaenyra went nowhere, but the Dance references remain thick and strong, we can likely look at her upcoming connection to Aegon as the point of it all.
Incidentally, GRRM has already set up their future conflict:
Now, how do you suppose this queen will react when you turn up with your begging bowl in hand and say, 'Good morrow to you, Auntie. I am your nephew, Aegon, returned from the dead. I've been hiding on a poleboat all my life, but now I've washed the blue dye from my hair and I'd like a dragon, please … and oh, did I mention, my claim to the Iron Throne is stronger than your own?' " (ADWD, Tyrion VI)
This places Tyrion into the role of a Cole-figure, hilariously, having pushed Aegon into changing direction to claim the throne directly without Dany.
There's the strife between family members, kingsguards, factions, and manipulative third parties, all over a throne that really isn't worth it, told from multiple perspectives, bringing misery and destruction to the smallfolk.
All the extra material on the Dance of Dragons was published after ADWD, from A World of Ice and Fire (2014) to the novellas (2013-2024) to Fire and Blood (2018), with one small reference to the extinction of the dragons after the Dance in The Mystery Knight (2010). So all this backstory was compiled and built up in the service of of the main story GRRM is telling.
You rightfully bring up Jon, Daenerys and Aegon all together, but it's extremely unlikely that Jon Snow is going to be a driving factor in a Dance of Dragons 2.0 because he will only just find out that he has Targaryen ancestry, and in a way that puts him it in conflict with her Stark ancestry.
No, this war is going to be between two established family members who both have claims and means alongside the ambition to ascend the Iron Throne. Not quite brother v. sister but aunt v. nephew. Tragic, destructive, self-destructive. Much like what the Baratheon brothers have served us before. Only with dragons involved on Dany's side, while Aegon mixes it up by simultaneously representing the Dornish side of the story, through his mother Elia - which is a whole different kettle of fish.
Jon's presence in there is probably going to be a very interesting complicating factor that might go in many different directions, with mirrors to Robb's Will and Stannis' offer of legitimization (another theme in the Dance), to accusations of manipulation and ambition (Criston Cole). The role of the prophecy is also going to be explored in all its myopic self-destructive emptiness.
This won't be a copy of the first Dance, though.
If there is an Hour of the Wolf, it's going to preside not over scarred survivors, but over the ashes and corpses of King's Landing and the Targaryen legacy in Westeros.
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Heat of The Moment
Plot Overview
You’re an independent songwriter tasked with writing a collaborative track for Stray Kids. What should have been your dream gig turns into a nightmare thanks to last-minute deadlines and your strained creative energy. You clash immediately with Bang Chan—too confident for his own good and infuriatingly talented. He insists on late-night studio sessions, constantly pushes back on your ideas, and doesn’t seem to know how to take no for an answer.
One night, when tension reaches its peak, an explosive argument in the recording studio leads to unexpected sparks. With tempers flaring and boundaries slipping, the heat between you boils over into something far more primal. The lines between frustration and desire blur, leaving you both vulnerable to feelings that neither of you wanted—or planned for.
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fanfiction created for entertainment purposes only. I do not own or claim any affiliation with Bang Chan, Stray Kids, or their management. The events and characters depicted in this story are entirely fictional and do not reflect real-life personalities, actions, or relationships.
This story contains mature themes and is intended for audiences 18 and older. Reader discretion is advised.
━━━━━━━━━━━☾✧✦✧☽━━━━━━━━━━━
The studio air was thick with frustration. It wasn't the equipment, the hours, or even the looming deadline - it was him.
Bang Chan sat sprawled in his chair like a king, his dark eyes fixed on you with infuriating calmness. You could practically feel the smugness radiating off him as he leaned back, one arm lazily draped over the chair's edge, his lips twitching upward in what could only be described as a challenge.
"Again", he said, his voice low and maddeningly smooth.
Your fingers hovered over the keyboard, trembling with restrained fury. "We've already gone over this again five times! The hook works, the track flows, and it's done. You just want me to sit here all night because you've decided sleep is optional."
He didn't even flinch. If anything, that smirk grew sharper. "It's not about sleep. It's about getting it right. This?" He gesture at the speakers like he was dismissing a bad meal. "This isn't right."
You turned, fully intending to argue, but the look on his face stopped you. It wasn't disdain or boredom - it was focus. Relentless, unshakable focus.
You hated that he looked good while being such a pain. His hair was a little messy, his sleeves rolled up to reveal forearms that you were doing your best not to notice, and he had that maddening way of looking at you like he was already one step ahead.
But this wasn't about how good he looked. It was about the fact that he was driving you insane.
"Why don't you just write it yourself?" you snapped.
Chan shrugged, the movement deliberate. "Because i want to see what you've got. You're suppose to be the best, right? Prove it."
The arrogance in his voice set something off in you. Your hands slammed against the desk, the sound echoing in the studio. "You don't think I'm good enough?!"
"I think," he said, standing and crossing the room toward you, his footsteps slow and deliberate, "you're holding back. And I'm not interested in 'good enough'. I want something that hits harder."
By the time he stopped in front of you, the air felt charged. He wasn't touching you, but he didn't need to. His presence was overwhelming, his eyes locked on yours with a heat that send your pulse racing.
"Well," you said, refusing to back down, "maybe you should stop breathing down my neck and let me work."
Chan tilted his head, his smirk turning into something more dangerous. "Maybe you like it."
Your breath hitched, but you didn't flinch. "Don't flatter yourself."
The hours stretched on, the tension between you crackling like static. You were at the piano, furiously reworking the melody, while Chan sat behind you, watching. Always watching.
"Play the last part again," he said, his voice softer now but no less insistent.
You obeyed - if only to avoid another argument. Your fingers stumbled lightly, the fatigue of the night finally catching up with you.
"That's not it," he murmured, standing and moving to your side. "Here, let me."
You bristled but scooted over just enough for him to sit. His hands brushed against yours as he reached for the keys, and the warmth of his skin sent a jolt up your arm.
"That's not-"
"Relax," he said, his voice so close that you felt it more than heard it. His hands moved confidently over the keys, the melody shifting under his touch, morphing into something richer, heavier. "See?"
You hated that it sounded better. You hated him. And yet, you couldn't pull your eyes away.
"Show-off," you muttered, hoping to break the spell.
Chan laughed softly, his voice low and teasing. "You're cute when you're mad."
Your head whipped toward him. "What did you just said?"
He turned to face you fully, his face so close that your noses almost brushed. His smile was infuriatingly calm. "I said, you're cute when you're mad. What are you gonna do about it?"
Your jaw tightened, but before you could retort, his gaze dropped to your lips, lingering just enough to set your skin on fire.
It happened all at once. One second, you were glaring at him, and the next, his lips were on yours.
The kiss was fire and frustration, a tangle of heat and tension that exploded in the small studio. Your back hit the piano as he leaned into you, his hands framing your face, tilting it up to deepen the kiss.
You gasped, and his tongue slid against yours, sending a shiver down your spine. His hands moved to your waist, gripping you firmly, pulling you closer until there was no space left between you.
“This,” you managed to gasp between kisses, “is a terrible idea.”
“Probably,” he murmured against your lips, his voice thick with want. “But you started it.”
You shoved at his chest, though your fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt. “You kissed me!”
His laugh was low and wicked as he nipped at your jawline, his hands slipping under your shirt to skim along your sides. “And you didn’t stop me.”
Chan’s mouth was on yours again, hot and demanding, as he pressed you back against the piano. The weight of him, the way his hands gripped your waist, sent your pulse skyrocketing.
“You’re infuriating,” you gasped, your fingers curling into his shirt, tugging him closer.
“And you’re impossible,” he shot back, his voice rough, lips brushing against your jaw before moving lower.
His mouth left a scorching trail along your neck, and you felt yourself arch into him as his teeth grazed the sensitive skin there.
Your hands slipped under his shirt, fingers tracing along the ridges of his muscles, eliciting a low sound from him that made heat pool in your stomach.
“Touchy,” you teased, though your voice was breathless.
His response was a low chuckle, muffled as his mouth moved lower, his hands now sliding under your shirt to rest on your bare skin.
“Tell me to stop,” he murmured, his voice dark and rough, though his fingers lingered teasingly along the edge of your waistband.
You didn’t answer—didn’t want him to stop—so instead, you grabbed the hem of his shirt and yanked it over his head.
The sight of him—flushed skin, wild hair, and that insufferable grin—shouldn’t have made your knees weak, but it did.
“You’re staring,” he said, voice teasing, though his eyes were anything but playful.
“You’re in my way,” you shot back, pulling him to you again, crashing your mouth against his.
This time, it was frantic, all pretense stripped away as hands wandered and clothes were pulled at—shirts discarded onto the studio floor, his jeans pressing into your thighs as he lifted you onto the piano bench.
The sound of the piano keys clanging beneath you should have been comical, but it only fueled the tension as his mouth found yours again, his hands sliding to grip your hips and pull you closer—until there was nothing between you but thin fabric and the weight of all the things you couldn’t say aloud.
With a swift motion, Chan flipped you back, his body now hovering over you, the heat radiating off him almost overwhelming. “You think you can just take charge?” he challenged, his voice low and teasing.
You smirked, feeling a rush of adrenaline. “Maybe I can show you how it’s done.”
He raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “Oh, really?”
You leaned in, capturing his mouth again, your bodies pressed together, the warmth between you palpable. His hands slid up your thighs, fingers brushing the edge of your shorts, teasing but not crossing the line.
“Is this what you wanted?” you breathed against his lips, your own pulse racing with the thrill of being in control. “Something that hits harder?”
He chuckled, the sound low and inviting, “You have no idea what you’re asking for.”
With a swift motion, he flipped you back again, his body now solidly over yours, the weight of him deliciously grounding. “But I’m going to show you.”
His mouth found yours again, but this time, it was urgent, a claim that sent shivers down your spine. You gasped as his hands explored further, fingers slipping beneath the hem of your shorts, teasingly inching toward the waistband.
"Chan,” you breathed, the thrill of anticipation mixing with the heat of his touch. “You’re insatiable.”
“And you love it,” he replied, voice thick with desire, as he pressed his body against yours, the piano creaking beneath the weight of your shared urgency.
“Maybe,” you admitted, a grin breaking through as he captured your mouth again, the world around you fading into a blur.
His hands slipped under your shorts, fingers brushing against your skin, and you moaned softly, arching into his touch. The sensation was electric, sending waves of pleasure coursing through you.
“Tell me what you want,” he murmured, his breath hot against your ear, igniting a fire deep within you.
“I want you,” you gasped, the words spilling out before you could stop them. “I want all of you.”
His eyes darkened with desire, and in that moment, you knew there was no turning back. He kissed you fiercely, and as the world around you faded, you surrendered to the overwhelming need that had built between you.
Chan's lips were relentless against yours, each kiss igniting a fire that spread through your entire body. His hands moved with purpose, exploring every inch of you as if memorizing your shape. The world outside the studio faded into nothingness; it was just you and him, lost in the heat of the moment.
“Are you sure?” he murmured, pulling back just enough to meet your gaze, his eyes dark and searching. “I don’t want to rush you.”
You felt your heart race at the sincerity in his voice, but the urgency of the moment drowned out any hesitation. “I’m sure,” you replied, your voice steady despite the whirlwind of emotions within you. “I want this.”
His smirk returned, a mixture of satisfaction and wickedness, and he leaned in again, capturing your mouth as if sealing the promise of what was to come. You could feel the muscles in his arms flex as he held you against the piano, the heat radiating from his body enveloping you.
With a swift motion, he pulled you closer, his hands gripping your thighs as he shifted, positioning you to straddle him fully. The sensation sent another wave of heat through you, the feel of him beneath you amplifying the tension that had been building all night.
"Chan,” you gasped, feeling the rush of exhilaration mixed with a hint of nervousness. “Please...”
“Just wait,” he whispered, his breath hot against your skin. “I’m just getting started.”
As if to prove his point, his hands moved back to your waist, guiding you as you began to grind against him. The friction was intoxicating, and you let out a soft moan, the sound echoing in the dimly lit studio.
“Like that?” he teased, watching you with an intensity that made your cheeks burn.
“More,” you urged, craving the connection, the way he made you feel alive and desired.
He obliged, his grip tightening as he helped you find a rhythm, the two of you moving together in a way that felt both primal and electrifying. You lost yourself in the sensation, every touch, every kiss igniting something deeper within you.
“God, you’re incredible,” he murmured, his voice thick with desire. The praise sent a thrill through you, pushing you to go faster, to feel more.
You leaned forward, locking eyes with him as you whispered, “Show me how incredible I can be.”
His response was a low growl, and in an instant, he flipped you back, pinning you beneath him once more. The shift was exhilarating, and you reveled in the feeling of being completely at his mercy. He leaned down, capturing your mouth again, and the kiss was fierce and demanding, filled with all the pent-up frustration and heat that had been building between you.
His hands roamed freely, exploring every inch of your body, his fingers igniting fire wherever they touched. You gasped as he slipped a hand beneath your shorts again, teasingly brushing against your most sensitive spots, sending shockwaves of pleasure coursing through you.
“Chan, please,” you pleaded, the urgency in your voice echoing the frantic beating of your heart.
“Tell me what you want, and I’ll give it to you,” he responded, his voice low and gravelly, the promise laced within it making your breath hitch.
You could hardly think straight, the need for him overwhelming. “I want you inside me,” you confessed, the words spilling out with a desperation you couldn’t hide.
His eyes darkened with desire at your admission, and he nodded, his expression turning serious. “Okay. But we’re doing this right.”
He took a moment to rummage through his bag, pulling out a small packet. You watched, breathless and eager, as he prepared, the anticipation building to a fever pitch.
"Strip for me, sweet girl," he said as he returned to you, helping you take off your clothes, taking a second to admire you. "Even more beautiful than i imagined."
You looked at him, with big, vulnerable eyes. "You imagine this?"
His gaze soften for a moment, "From the day you walked in this studio from the first time."
His hands found your waist again, fingers digging in as he positioned himself at your entrance. “Ready?” he asked, his voice a low rumble.
“More than ready,” you replied, your voice barely above a whisper, and with that, he pushed inside you.
The sensation was overwhelming, a mix of pleasure and fullness that made you arch against him, gasping at the intensity of it all. He filled you completely, stretching you in a way that left you breathless.
“Just like that,” he urged, his voice thick with desire as he began to move, each thrust sending shockwaves of pleasure coursing through you. You felt every inch of him, the way he filled you up, and it was almost too much to bear.
“Chan,” you moaned, your body responding instinctively to his rhythm, the heat between you growing with every movement.
He leaned down, capturing your lips again, the kiss deepening as he lost himself in you. You could feel the way he filled you, the way your bodies moved together, and it felt absolutely electric.
“Faster,” you urged, urging him on, your nails digging into his shoulders as you pulled him closer.
He obliged, his pace quickening, the sounds of your bodies moving together filling the studio as you both succumbed to the pleasure building between you. Each thrust sent you spiraling closer to the edge, the tension coiling tighter and tighter until you thought you might burst.
“God, you feel so good,” he groaned, his voice hoarse with need. “I’m not going to last long at this rate.”
“Neither am I,” you gasped, the pleasure reaching a crescendo. “Just a little more.”
With a few more powerful thrusts, the tension snapped, and you came undone, the waves of ecstasy crashing over you as your body quaked beneath him.
“Yeah, just like that,” he breathed, his own release following closely behind, the feeling of him filling you driving you to new heights as you clung to each other, lost in the moment.
As the waves of pleasure subsided, you both collapsed against each other, breaths mingling in the stillness of the studio. The world outside faded away, leaving just the two of you, tangled together in the aftermath of your shared passion.
The room was quiet except for the sound of your uneven breathing and the faint hum of the studio equipment. You sat slumped against Chan, your heart still pounding as you tried to collect yourself.
“Well,” he finally said, his voice a low rasp, “that was… productive.”
You swatted weakly at his chest, though you couldn’t stop the small, satisfied smile tugging at your lips. “Shut up.”
He tilted his head back with a quiet laugh, his fingers tracing lazy circles along your skin. “You’re not gonna fight me on the hook anymore, are you?”
“Don’t push your luck,” you muttered, though the bite in your voice was gone.
Chan looked down at you, his expression softer now. “Guess I finally got your best work out of you, huh?”
You rolled your eyes, but when his hand slid back to your waist, tugging you closer, you didn’t resist.
“Maybe you’re not entirely useless after all,” you teased, brushing your lips against his again.
His laugh rumbled against your mouth as he kissed you back, slow and unhurried this time—like you had all the time in the world.
“Careful,” he murmured. “You’re starting to like me.”
You pulled away just enough to meet his gaze, arching an eyebrow. “Don’t let it go to your head, Bang Chan.”
But the smirk on his face told you it was already too late.
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fractalheart-real · 11 months ago
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Hazbin Hotel, The Death of a Misogynist, and The Issue with Aesthetics of Redemption
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Now that we have the pretentious psuedo-intellectual caption, let me clarify that I love Hazbin Hotel, Adam is a horrific (fictional) person whos actions shouldn’t be belittled in an actual discussion. I’ve been thinking about this horrible, horrible man alot though!
So, the baseline. The hook and pitch of Hazbin Hotel is that its a show about demons being redeemed and working through their issues while the world dismisses the idea of change. The actual story of Hazbin Hotel is a constant uphill battle against an unfair, fascist bureaucracy and the status quo of complacency its created, while the world dismisses the idea of change. My issue is I don’t think Hazbin Hotel is truly interested in discussions about redemption. I enjoy its discussions on status quo and complacency, but all its shown is that its entirely uninterested in talking about redemption in any meaningful way.
The character of Adam, from his first to near-last moments on screen is consistently characterized as an entitled, misogynistic, dangerous man-child who firmly believes himself above the concept of making mistakes. The first man thinks that he was made perfect and thus acts above those around him. (Despite this he is a delight to have on screen, hes hilarious, don’t @ me). In the final episode of Season 1, Adam is killed in an anticlimactic way after his third act breakdown. Perhaps its the shows own evident pacing issues, but I find it very strange that a show with the aesthetics of rehabilitation portrays Adam as beyond it, and a joke. (Which he very well might be, but it conflicts with the shows aesthetics). Why is a show which claims to be about second chances so disconnected to its pure-evil villains? This critique somewhat extends to Valentino, but I consider him to be more of a plot device for Angel’s own arc (which I love) rather than his own character (it would be extreme tonal whiplash to try to humanize him so soon after Poison) While Adam exists as an extension of heaven and one of the shows many embodiments of an evil status quo.
In the show’s current state, it doesn’t treat the residents of the hotel as “that bad” of people. Which is good for a show supposedly about rehabilitation! But it clashes so hard with how it (and to a worse degree its fandom, but I digress) treat characters who’re meant to be hated.
This post might not be entirely honest, as in Adam’s very last moments he smiles to his lieutenant in an admittedly heartfelt scene, humanizing him in a way the show didn’t care to before. And while I enjoy this, unless Adam and Lute’s possible remnants of humanity are explored in season 2, the show’s aesthetics are hypocritical with how it treats pure-evil.
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Also Guitarspear😭
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leleyenn · 2 months ago
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Kagehina as an Autumn Couple and the Symbolism Behind It
So, I recently came across something really cool about symbolic representations of romantic relationships in movies, and out of curiosity, stumbled upon this video about "autumn-type couples": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h584bVKNm4c
Basically, many couples we see in movies follow specific patterns of development tied to the symbolism of each season. This means that couples can represent spring, summer, autumn, or winter types.
The most common types are autumn and spring couples. While watching the video that explains the traits of autumn couples, I couldn't help but think of the entire Kagehina dynamic and how it mirrors other fictional couples with similar contrasts. It's almost inevitable, considering how artistic Haikyuu!! is, not to see the parallel between Kagehina and other iconic fictional pairs.
Autumn symbolizes a couple with opposing personalities, where one character often represents the "trunk" and the other the "leaf," like a tree shedding its orange leaves in this season. The "trunk" character tends to be more grounded, reserved, and even a bit tough or “stubborn,” often carrying past traumas that shape their personality. This is a perfect fit for Kageyama, initially portrayed as hot-headed, "arrogant," isolated, and carrying unresolved past issues. On the other hand, the "leaf" character is typically more spontaneous, extroverted, playful, charismatic, and so on.
In the video, the main traits of an autumn-type couple are listed, which I’ll highlight in the Kagehina dynamic.
Opposite Personalities
It's no surprise that Kageyama and Hinata have clashing personalities in many ways; in fact, this is one of the main reasons for their frequent conflicts early in the series. Kageyama is often portrayed as "Winter," while Hinata is more of a "Summer" (we see this through their birth dates) and the Yin-Yang references in various panels and illustrations.
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While Hinata, early on, is shown as sociable, charismatic, communicative, fun, and spontaneous, Kageyama is portrayed as more reserved, introverted, struggling with communication, and having difficulty dealing with his own emotions (like anger or loneliness).
A common element in many stories featuring these types of couples—and present in Haikyuu! as well—is that, despite their opposing personalities, the two end up having a lot in common! This shared ground allows for the development of their relationship. There are many examples of this with Kageyama and Hinata, from small things like their low academic performance to more central aspects of the story, like their mutual passion for volleyball.
Physical Appearance
This type of couple often stands out visually when we look for patterns, and this is where it really clicked for me. The “trunk” character tends to have cooler tones, and an incredibly common pattern is blue eyes and dark hair. Meanwhile, the “leaf” character is almost always a redhead. Remind you of anyone? Hahaha
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Other couples with this characteristic (a red-haired character as part of an autumn couple): (taken from the recommended video)
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Another interesting detail is that, to emphasize the lively personality of the "leaf" character, some may have messy hair, like Johnny’s, which resembles how Furudate draws Hinata's hair. In fact, in a few interviews, they mention Hinata’s hair being intentionally messy. Meanwhile, the “trunk” character's hair is often neater and more put-together, like Sam and Flint dynamic. Messy hair is also widely used in animation as a symbol of “eccentricity,” often as a nod to Albert Einstein.
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"Hinata boke!!!"
Even the famous "Hinata, boke!" fits perfectly as a classic trope in fictional couples. It’s an interesting detail because it highlights the contrast between the characters' personalities. In almost all the films referenced, the "trunk" character calls the "leaf" character things like “crazy,” “weird,” “ridiculous,” or, in Kageyama’s case, “idiot” – a lot of “affectionate” nicknames, in a way. It’s similar to Mavis calling Johnny "clueless" or Gru calling Lucy “weird.” And one of the first things Kageyama says to Hinata when they start playing together is…
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Development
The development of an autumn couple's relationship happens as the "trunk" character begins to understand the "leaf" character better, seeing the world from their perspective and allowing both to balance each other’s personalities. In the end, the leaf character becomes more grounded, and the trunk character learns to address their own inner challenges. For Kageyama, Hinata helped him overcome the stigma of being the "King of the Court," while Kageyama helped Hinata become a stronger volleyball player, even encouraging Hinata to adopt better self-care habits and consistently emphasizing the importance of solid passing on the court—skills that later made Hinata one of the most complete players in the V League by the timeskip. Additionally, Hinata starts setting aside his impulsive nature to make more strategic game decisions, which becomes clear during Kageyama’s national training arc.
Typically, the trunk character will challenge the leaf character to take a more serious approach, and when the leaf character does, the trunk character, in turn, takes on a behavior or habit that the leaf character desired, symbolizing trust.
For Kageyama and Hinata’s relationship, this development is seen throughout the series, but the first moment it truly happens is when Kageyama sets up a toss for Hinata. Kageyama insists Hinata improve his passing skills, only then promising to set for him. So, Hinata trains hard and proves he can deliver a solid passing. Recognizing this, Kageyama finally sets up a toss for Hinata to spike, which Hinata had hoped for from the beginning.
Moreover, Kageyama takes on Hinata's impulsive style when they create their first quick attack, with Hinata jumping with his eyes closed.
They’re the kind of pair that matures together, and after finding balance, they end up sharing similar goals with the same intensity and passion. For Kagehina, that means spending as much time as possible on the court to play volleyball (whether on the same or different teams, but always connected).
Conclusion
In conclusion, Hinata and Kageyama embody all the core traits of an "autumn couple." Even though their love is canonically platonic, seeing these details and patterns reflected in other stories is fascinating, helping us appreciate their relationship even more and reinforcing the idea that these two truly love each other! Romantically or platonically—take your pick, haha!
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kuruk · 4 months ago
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Genuinely I don't mind much when bl novels have horrible relationships that shouldn't happen in real life (only to an extent) because within those stories those men are equals even when they aren't, and I know people who write wuxia xianxia and xuanhuan often want to create a very dramatic and harsh world with a lot of tensity and friction between their characters, and they want to play with very exaggerated characters and relationships, and situations with high stakes, and write characters who are morally and psychologically messed up in a setting where that's expected. And because the setting is like this I can understand wanting to go into such things when the setting is like this endless killing immortals type of world but it's impossible to write straight romance that isn't stomach churning when you pair these unhinged men in need of therapy together with women and try to write out that man's progression and road to seeking forgiveness, if he even has that sort of development planned at all to begin with. I get wanting to play with a crazy mess of a character, but it's way too upsetting to put in something that's meant to be a romance because it mirrors reality too well when these characters will never be equal even if it's written to be so. It's just impossible to separate that from the context of real life no matter how much you intend to, and they honestly usually don't even intend to. When two men clash in a novel and at least one of them nearly kills the other and everyone's manipulating and killing endlessly it's like whatever it's a dramatic genre... but I really can't look at it the same way when it's straight romance yuore just making me sick to my stomach.. If you're so interested in that type of dramatic crazy intense relationship in fiction it's fine as long as it's not straight, not in a "men shiuld be abused" way I'm not even kidding here it's literally way different it's just easy to make it actually appear to be fantasy when not under the constraints of the context ingrained in our minds through a million years of misogyny gender roles and the violence with it 😑 like you can't separate that and I think that man should be sentenced to death and killed endlessly
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