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rosemaidenvixen · 18 days ago

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Tales of Arcadia Hallmark au

Idea came from a conversation between me and @trololololololooz , based on our shared love of Hallmark movies, TOA, and gay stuff.

Spoiler alert, Jeves and Clairy sweetness ahead.

Ao3

Steve is a big time baseball star and Mary is his girlfriend and a big time corporate lawyer. (Neither one of them is super invested in their relationship, because gay, but it's pushed on them by Steve's manager and Mary's boss, as it generates good publicity for both of them). Steve suffers a big injury, his doctor tells him it could be the end of his sports career. Steve's manager blows the doctor off, telling Steve to rest over Christmas and he can get back on the field in January. Steve gets a call from his childhood BFF Darci, who tells him that she just published a book and the release event is going to be held in their hometown of Arcadia, and she encourages him to come. Steve decides to go visit Arcadia for Christmas while resting his injury. Mary accompanies him, under instructions from her firm to scout the town for a corporate takeover.

Mary and Steve arrive in Arcadia only to have their car immediately break down. They go to the local mechanic, only for Steve to be utterly shocked that their mechanic is Jim, Steve's high school friend and secret crush. Both of them are flustered and awkward, Steve says he's only in town to visit family for the holiday/see Darci's book signing and Jim agrees to fix Steve's car. Steve overhears a phone call between Jim and Claire and thinks the two are dating and becomes sad. In reality Jim and Claire did date a bit after high school but mutually broke it off and are just friends now.

Meanwhile outside the mechanic shop Claire and Mary run into each other. Claire, a local councilwoman, recognizes Mary as the corporate takeover lawyer and confronts her. Cue wlw hostility.

Car now fixed Steve and Mary continue on their way to his siblings' house. They arrive and are greeted by Douxie, Steve's adopted older brother, who guides them inside. Douxie lives with his and Steve's younger siblings, twins Aja and Krel, and Aja's girlfriend Shannon. Douxie is a waiter/a musician on the side, Krel is a software engineer, Shannon is a liveblogger, and Aja does something completely off the wall like lumberjack/reindeer herder/bear wrestler. Steve is delighted by the reunion with his siblings and easily falls back in with them. He and Mary also let them know that their relationship is purely for business purposes and they aren't romantically interested in each other at all. At dinner Steve inquires about where their parents are, the others are all made uncomfortable by this and tell Steve they still live in town but Steve doesn't have to see them. Steve brushes off their concerns but Mary is intrigued.

The next morning they all go to the book store for Darci's book release. Steve gets there early and he and Darci have a heartfelt reunion. The book signing commences to and Steve's surprise they run into Jim and Claire at the book store. Cue blushing and awkwardness from Steve and Jim, and tooth grinding barely concealed hostility from Mary and Claire.

Shannon sees how obvious Jim and Steve are being and tells Douxie, Aja, and Krel they need to get the two of them together so they'll stop being blushing awkward messes. Delighted at the idea of hijinks they all agree.

Douxie slides in and tells Steve that while Jim is the town mechanic he also bakes on the side and does a lot of the baking for the town Christmas festival and is heavily involved with running it, and that he'd be a great person to show Steve around the town. Steve and Jim both blush and flounder saying they're going to be busy helping Mary and Claire with their respective tasks. Aja chimes in saying Mary and Claire can come along and the four of them can spend time together, shy agreement from Jim and Steve and forced grins from Mary and Claire.

Cut to them doing various holiday activities, Steve and Jim have shy sweet chemistry while Mary and Claire have barely concealed hostility. This ends with Steve's injury being aggravated. Jim, Mary, and Claire push Steve to go see a doctor, which stresses Steve greatly until Jim tells him that the old town doctor died when he slipped on a patch of ice and Barbara is the new doctor.

At the doctor's office Jim and Steve go into the exam room while Mary and Claire hang out in the waiting room. Barbara looks over Steve's injury and says he's fine for now but to take it easy and not do anything strenuous, and that he should definitely make an appointment with a physical therapist. Jim and Steve share an "I'm glad you're ok" moment, which Barbara observes.

Meanwhile in the waiting room the computer system goes down and everyone starts panicking, Mary steps in and begins organizing things, quickly bringing the chaos into order. Claire reluctantly respects her for this.

Barbara later meets with Douxie, Aja, Krel, and Shannon, once she realizes that Steve and Mary's relationship is purely for show she becomes fully onboard with their antics to bring Jim and Steve together. Shannon has a quick moment of realization "Wait are we in a Hallmark movie?"

The next day Jim and Steve spend time with Toby and Darci at their D&D session, Claire declined because she's busy and Mary because she's tired. Toby privately tells Jim his feelings for Steve are obvious and Jim should go ahead and ask him out, Jim says he can't because Steve built up a new life as a big baseball star that Jim has no place in. Darci does the same with Steve but Steve says that Jim is with Claire and Steve can't disrupt their happiness.

That night Mary is frustrated at her bosses hounding her and decides to go out to a local bar to hopefully unwind. Douxie's band takes the stage and to her utter shock Claire is with them as a bassist/vocalist rocking out to punk music. Moment of gay panic from Mary. Off stage she tells Claire she really enjoyed her performance, a flustered Claire says that punk music is just something she uses to unwind from her job as a councilwoman.

The next day they do more holiday activities with the four of them, with Claire and Mary earnestly enjoying each other's company this time. At the end of the day Barbara, Douxie, Aja, Krel, and Shannon arrange for Steve and Jim to have a quiet moment alone (Shannon remains the only one self aware of their Hallmark movie shenanigens). Jim reveals that he and Claire broke up and are purely friends now, a stunned Steve reveals that him and Mary's relationship is purely for publicity. Sharing a moment of stunned elation the two of them agree to try a relationship.

The next day Jim and Steve go meet up with Steve's old baseball team, including Eli, Logan, and Seamus who still play baseball in their free time. They are all are excited to see Steve as he's the only one who "made" it. Steve shyly says after his injury he's considering giving up sports and picking up something less hard on his body. Steve has a great time catching up with them until he's ambushed by his parents. They pull him aside and berate him for potentially giving up sports, calling him weak for not wanting to play with his injury, and make homophobic comments about him and Jim. Meanwhile after hearing the other team members talk Jim starts to feel guilty about pulling Steve away from his glamorous sports star life.

That night Jim breaks up with Steve, claiming it's because their lives are just too different. Steve is heartbroken, and under pressure from his parents and his manager, believes baseball is the only thing he'll ever be good for and makes plans to go back to the big city and back to playing.

Meanwhile Claire overhears snippets of a conversation Mary has on the phone and thinks that Mary's giving her firm the go ahead to take over the town. Claire angrily tells Mary off. A crushed Mary makes plans to go back to the city with Steve, both of them planning on continuing their sham relationship.

Steve tells Eli, Logan, and Seamus goodbye, saying he's split up with Jim and is heading back to the big city to start back up with baseball practice. They're worried about Steve both breaking up with Jim and jumping back in to baseball instead of resting his injury. They go check with Barbara, who is very concerned by Steve's plan to return to baseball, as she knows that's the last thing his injury needs.

All of them meet up with Douxie, Douxie confesses that their parents always pushed Steve too hard to succeed in baseball, and that they got the old town doctor to sweep his injuries under the rug so they could push him further and further. Douxie always wanted to intervene, but because he was a foster kid, their parents threatened to send Douxie away if he made too much of a fuss. They all decide that they can't let Steve and Jim part like this, so they wrangle everyone in town to help Steve and Jim get back together (at this point Shannon is resigned "fuck it if we're in a Hallmark movie we might as well go all the way").

Through hijinks Barbara, all of Steve's siblings, and the baseball team get Steve and Mary to attend the town's Christmas tree lighting festival. Toby and Darci find Jim and Claire drowning their sorrows in eggnog at the local bar. Jim bemoans that he can't get in the way of Steve's dream life and at least this way he can protect Steve's feelings. Toby shuts him down hard, saying that he's not protecting Steve, he's taking the decision away from him, and that Steve deserves to make his own choices and Jim owes him his honest feelings. Claire grumbles about being decieved by Mary, Darci curtly points out that what Claire heard was a small segment of a conversation with absolutely no context, Mary could have been talking about a lot of things, and at the very least Claire should ask Mary for an explanation. Jim and Claire concede and agree to meet up with Steve and Mary.

At the tree lighting Jim reunites with Steve and confesses everything, he says he loves Steve and wants to be with him, but doesn't want to get in the way of Steve doing the sport he loves. He says he'll support Steve at whatever Steve wants, as long as it makes Steve happy. Jim's sincerity has Steve breaking down, he confesses he's been grinding so much at baseball he hasn't enjoyed it for a long time, and his injury gives him chronic pain and he wants to quit but has been doing baseball for so long he doesn't know what else to do. Jim assures him he can spend as much time as he needs to figuring it out.

Meanwhile Claire apologizes to Mary for blowing up at her and asks about the phone call. Mary confesses that she is planning a corporate takeover...of her own company, using blackmail and embezzlement to oust her bosses and put herself on top. She says she loved spending time with Claire, but she also loves being a corporate lawyer, and she could never ask Claire to leave the town she loves. Claire confesses that while she does love her town she doesn't want to be a councilwoman for the rest of her life, and that she, Douxie, and the rest of the band have been talking for months about going to the city to try and make it big.

Both couples happily agree to try new lives together. Jim and Steve in Arcadia, and Mary and Claire in the big city.

Steve's parents storm in and start berating Steve again for quitting baseball just when he's "made it". Jim steps in and absolutely tears into them, saying they never truly cared about what was best for Steve and pushed him to the point of injury. Douxie, Aja, Krel, Mary, Claire, Logan, Seamus, Eli, and the other baseball team members all join in on blasting Steve's parents. Embarrassed, Steve's parents slink away.

The Christmas tree lighting commences, Jim and Steve share a kiss, as well as Mary and Claire. Shannon rolls her eyes "Of course they kiss now, we are in a Hallmark movie after all," Aja slides up to her "So does this mean you don't want to kiss me?" Shannon smirks "Oh I didn't say that".

While the couples are all kissing Krel, Darci, and Toby roll their eyes and share a moment of aromantic solidarity as the only three people in town capable of being normal about this stuff. Darci remarks that she doesn't see the Palchuk parents anywhere. Krel tells her that Douxie mentioned their parents were arrested for child abuse and taken away. Toby comments that it's weird for them to be arrested after all this time has passed but none of them really dwell on it.

Cut to the Palchuk parents' being taken away by Krampus (Strickler) while Barbara and Douxie watch. Through conversation it's revealed that Krampus (Strickler) is Barbara's friend with benefits. After he departs with the Palchuk parents, Douxie asks if Barbara cares to explain how she and Krampus (Strickler) became fwb, Barbara says no she does not.

One year later, Steve has quit baseball and lives in Arcadia with Jim. He fosters animals for the local shelter and works part time as a substitute teacher, as well as various other side jobs around town. Steve still doesn't know what he wants to spend the rest of his life doing, but he's having fun trying out the different options while being loved and supported by Jim and his friends and family. He's started physical therapy and stopped playing baseball completely, but enjoys cheering Eli, Logan, and Seamus on at their games.

Mary, Claire, and Douxie arrive in town to visit for Christmas. Mary gushes about how much she enjoys running her own firm, while Douxie and Claire gleefully share how their band is taking off.

Big Christmas party with all the characters happens, Steve and Jim share a kiss under the mistletoe.

Cue end credits over Christmas music.

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clarktooncrossing · 1 year ago

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Giraffe's Eye View: Christmas Specials Special (2023) | Care Bears Nutcracker

Chestnuts are roasting on an open fire. Jack Frost is nipping at your nose. Mom and dad can hardly wait for school to start again. All the dogs in the neighborhood somehow learned to bark Jingle Bells in sync. Yet retail workers are still more annoyed with Mariah Carey. Snow is getting shoveled, tossed, and formed into sentient beings leading parades without permits. It makes for an excellent distraction as the Krampus abducts children for bad behavior. Fruitcake is exchanged only to find its permanent home in the garbage. Terrorists have hijacked the Holiday office party right before your boss can give you a Jelly of the Month Club membership as your bonus. And of course, the Turducken has returned to wreak its fiery vengeance upon an unsuspecting world! If all this doesn’t put you in the Christmas spirit, perhaps these following Holiday specials will!

Greetings people of today and robots of tomorrow! It is I, Santa Clark, your geeky giraffe friend with a deep love of Christmas! My obsession for the yuletide is rivaled only by Maleficent’s hatred for it, which is saying a lot considering she once teamed up with Mad Madam Mim to kidnap the literal Spirit of Christmas. Yes, that really happened. I know this due to my annual pilgrimage to the Island of Misfit Specials, home to obscure or nerdy festive media ranging from movies, TV episodes, and comics. It’s no easy journey. Constantly I find myself confronted by sinister snowmen, genocidal gingerbread men, and worst of all, crappy commercials. Getting stabbed in the foot by a candy-cane wielding cookie is one thing, but I swear I’ve seen that ad for Wilbur’s White Elephant Gift Emporium more times than I’ve seen Miracle on 34th Street! Sometimes at night I catch myself reciting that jingle. Wilbur’s White Elephant Gift Emporium: Where Christmas meets Convenience! Huh, maybe Maleficent had a point.

Nah, my deep-rooted appreciation for this time of year can weather even the most moronic marketing! It helps that most of the merry media I’ve seen have put me in the perfect Holiday mood! Examples include the time a Ninja Turtle found himself trapped in a truck full of stollen toys, a drunk department store Santa stumbling onto a wish-granting magic bag, Big Bird nearly becoming a popsicle, Gwenpool waking up in a world where Galactus took the place of jolly ol’ Saint Nicholas, a terrifying tree stump trying to slaughter some saps over a stupid ship war, and the year when Death gave the Little Match Girl the greatest gift of all. Needless to say, I thought I had seen it all. That is, until I took my friends on a trip to the Island, tasking them to find me new, strange, seasonal specials to review! Some of them were fair, finding me festive favorites as comforting as coco in front of the fireplace. Others were fiendish, wanting to feed off my misery like Gremlins after midnight. Regardless of how naughty or nice my companions were, I’ve compiled all of their suggestions into a makeshift advent calendar! So stay tuned everyday until Christmas to see how badly my buddies can shred what little sanity I have left.

On the second day of Christmas, my buddies gave to me...

For the record, it says something when nobody's even made a GIF for what I'm about to review.

Malicious as Molly was, she may have set the bar too high with Barbie. For along comes the fairy Claire (YourClairyGodmother), set on proving that the ‘all Canadians are friendly’ claim is a myth. Having recently reviewed a slew of their work herself, she saw fit to share her suffering with me by burdening me with a Care Bears Christmas caper of my choice. Oh how nice, my executioner allowed me to pick how I get to die! Mirroring Grumpy Bear’s dour attitude, I scoured the Care Bears Wiki to make my selection, all the while wondering how this franchise is still alive after all this time. Starting out in 1981 as greeting card characters, these bears became a beloved series of plush toys parents killed each other over at Black Friday’s. Not gonna lie, having Sinbad and Arnie fight over Funshine Bear would’ve made Jingle all the Way that much funnier. It’d certainly be more entertaining then what I ended up picking, that being Care Bears Nutcracker Suite. Dear Santa, I don’t remember asking for endless torment. At this rate getting my nuts cracked probably wouldn’t be as excruciating. Still, perhaps I’m being pessimistic. Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt and jump right in! After all, these bears beat out Black Cauldron at the box office. Surely they have something special to offer here.

Like terrible child voice actors. We’ve got those in spades here! Okay, I know it’s not nice to call out kids who are only here because of parental peer pressure, but A Charlie Brown Christmas set the bar so high two decades prior! Though to be fair, maybe this is like Hayden Christensen regaling Padme about sand. You can only do so much when the script serves you verbal fruitcake on a platter. Such as when one of the kids, tricked into portraying the Rat King in an elementary production of the ballet by his sister, rightfully laments how lame the show is. Seeing one of her students complaining, our blonde ballet instructor halts class in order to tell a self-insert fanfiction where she herself is Clara. Whoa, deja vuh.

For all of you fearful that this is going to get repetitive, put your worries at ease. The writers made no effort to make the narrative comprehensive here. Instead of a mysterious family member, our Young Clara stand-in Anna (Tara Strong) is visited by Funshine Bear (Susan Roman) and Grumpy (Bob Dermer). Right as they tumble down the chimney ready to help this privileged dork with whatever first world problem she has, a dimensional rift abruptly appears in her room, dropping out the titular Nutcracker (Michael Beattie) and an army of rats. Sadly this time they’re not led by Tim Curry and they’re even less intimidating than before. Whereas previously they at least had swords, now they rush forward into battle with nothing but the clothes on their back. As if that wasn’t idiotic enough, they’re easily frightened off by the two bears and Anna’s younger brother Peter (Stuart Stone) in a trench coat. Wow, I was wondering how they’d top the Mouse King getting taken out by a shrunken woman’s flimsy footwear. You fail at failing to disappoint, Care Bears. Good to know I don’t need to take any of the villains seriously. By chance is it too late to bring back that creepy book lady from the movie? She’d be a better foe than the Vizier (Don Francks), a Jafar wannabe decked out in purple that commands the cowardly vermin. He’s after the Nutcracker so he can, you guessed it, take over the world and ruin Christmas. How he’d ruin Christmas is never explained, though I doubt whatever logic they presented would’ve made sense anyway.

Regardless of the reason, our heroes elect to help Nutcracker in his quest to stop the Vizier, enlisting some Care Bears Cousins to help. Though really I assume it’s to expose kids to more toys they can buy, since Funshine and Grumpy managed to make an entire armada run away in fear. Why else bring in Brave Heart Lion (Dan Hennessey) or Lotsa Heart Elephant (Luba Goy) if not for promotional purposes? Remember kiddies, pester your parents into buying these new friends or else you’ll be a sad loser! Together with Baby Tugs (Melleny Brown) and Hugs (Tracey Moore), they leap into the dimensional portal to restore order to Toyland. Along the way they encounter a bunch of cranky citizens blaming the Vizier’s rise to power on a prince named Alan. Whoa, deja vuh times two. Before anybody asks, yes, once again the Nutcracker is clearly the missing monarch. The rest of our heroes only find out after battling more rodents on a runaway train, meeting a magical fairy that’s as useless as the owl, and getting turned into wood by the Vizier. Our story ends with the titular toy’s humanity easily being restored, the villains being beheaded for war crimes, and the ballet class from earlier never really putting on their pageant as their teacher Anna walks off with her boi toi. Whoa, deja vuh times three. All while the Care Bears watch on from the raptors, waiting to pick the kids off one by one for sport.

Do I even have to say it? Honestly, what point is there in me picking out the flaws? It’d be like stating how pretty Christmas lights are, there’s no purpose in proclaiming something so patent. For the sake of keeping you all from searching up this sugary-coated crap though, I’ll list off my reasons. The pacing was painfully slow, making this extended episode feel like the director’s cut of a Peter Jackson movie. Replacing the charismatic, complex characters of those works are cardboard cutouts who are criminally one-dimensional. Even Grumpy, who I maintain is the best character in this series, feels so one-note. Worst of all is the animation. Much as I dogged out Barbie Nutcracker, I can applaud the ambition on display. Somebody clearly put some effort into the final product. At no time did I feel the same could be said for this. This was some paycheck for an animator who clearly wanted nothing to do with these blasted bears. And if all the behind the scenes stories Claire told me are any indication, I might not be too far off. Needless to say, I did not care for this special. I also didn’t care for you suggesting it to me, Claire! So when Seerius dumps something rotten into your stocking, just know that’s from me! For now though, I need a better Holiday special featuring a character voiced by Tara Strong.

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