#claire's grief

[kerryweaverlesbian]

Claire gives Cas a haircut. It's fraught. This is a love that lasts forever. Here's the opening:

The room's tense. Most rooms with Claire in them end up being tense, Cas has found, although it may be the combination of he and Claire together that makes things this way. The only time he's heard her laugh - really laugh, not just an emphasised exhale - she had been three rooms away at Jody's house, before she knew Cas had come over. She makes him call ahead, now, so he hasn't heared it since. 

There are memories, of course: the giggly little girl on the merry go round; the 11 year old pulling faces through the rearview mirror together until she couldn't keep it together from smiling too hard; the baby who opened her eyes from a nap and started laughing with delight just to see his face. But, those memories don't belong to Castiel. They're Jimmy's. To take courage or comfort from them would be a clear and cruel violation. 

Claire in the present works on her denim jacket silently, repairing a tear from the wolf-man they'd hunted earlier with a thick, black thread. Her jacket is heavily patched, some repairs just thread and others covered over with logos and images. Cas had thought he recognised AC/DC in the mix, but when he'd pointed it out that morning Claire had just scoffed and rolled her eyes, so maybe he's wrong. 

The way she sews is harsh, tugging the needle through the same way she pulled her knife out of the wolf-man's body. Cas has seen her do it gently before - stitching up a wound on Alex with precision and care even as they bickered viciously about who's fault it was that they'd got caught in the first place, and when applying a patch that Donna had got her that said "MAMA'S LITTLE BEAR <3" on it. Right now, though, she's mad. She has every right to be. 

Read on ao3

[art-soboro]

a flood of miracles wouldn't be enough because you called my name

[tiya-minuscule]

can we see the university gang as their in game canon (older) selves but dressed as in their university clothes/outfits? :>

(tbh i just wanna see hot punk old man don pauly wolly my beloved)

Never forget that I'm here to rip your heart.

For real, I got a bit over excited with this one... But thank you so much Anon for the ask, it gaves me the opportunity to draw adult Clark and... Well... He's hot.

Hope you all enjoyed this little bonus :)

[darklydeliciousdesires]

My nan passed at 9pm tonight. We sadly didn’t make in time to be with her, but at least I got to kiss her goodbye.

My heart is broken. I worshipped the ground that woman walked on. I can’t believe I’ll never hear her beautiful voice ever again 💔

[psychelis-new]

pick a pile: "How can you deal with your regrets"

take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to find out about possible regrets you may have in your life and a suggestion on how to deal with them. regrets are part of life, it's okay to have them here and there for various reasons but it's not okay when you let them dictate your life in a negative way. this reading wants to provide you help in how to see them differently. thanks Anon for requesting about this subject.

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one pile, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

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1 2 3

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pile 1

It's hard to say something about your regrets. Maybe you don't have many or even if you have, you learned how to deal with them by yourself. Or maybe you just try to not think about them or don't see them to start with. You may be trying to avoid working on them just by refusing to acknowledge them. As I said it's either you don't let them interfere in your life as you know we may end up having regrets here and there in our life or you totally try to not think about them cause of the pain they may cause you. You let them hang somewhere and wait for that feeling to disappear by itself. Or maybe you were told/taught to behave like that.

Anyway, I don't sense you stressing over them. Regrets happen in the past but you're pretty much future-oriented, so it gets easy for you to switch your focus on what's ahead much more than on your past. But what you may not be aware of, is that you can learn from your past too. Even from the pain that lives in there, but doesn't belong to your present or future: it's something you can do to help yourself leave that pain in the past where it has to be in a more definitive way. Trying to acknowledge your feelings, whether they're good or bad, positive or negative, it's good to help yourself grow and move on definitely. By not letting yourself taking care of your feelings and emotions, you're neglecting yourself a part of your life experience, a chance for you to know yourself and what's around you in a better way. It's not wrong per se, but it could help you: it may not be your case ofc, as we're all different, but what I learned myself is that no matter how hard you try to push them away, lessons will come around more than once until you acknowledge them and your feelings about them. So I generally try to deal with all that asap. Maybe not when I am overwhelmed or not feeling like, but I try to come around the issue again and understand/welcome it, and how I feel about it. Ofc if you feel that it's useless to you, keep doing what you do: you're always in charge of the decisions in your life. But if you find yourself in some type of cycle that keeps reminding you about the same situation or feeling, it may be worth to stop for a moment and give it attention. Remind yourself you don't have to deal with it by yourself, you can talk about it and ask for help, if it's too much. It doesn't seem like you are too stressed about it anyway, but just in case... You are allowed to take care of yourself and your feelings, to nurture yourself, even if you were told it's useless to cry on spilled milk and you need to turn the page asap. At times our feelings and minds do not really want to collaborate on that so they keep coming back to that past thing... that's cause they need true closure, and you can give it to them by giving yourself time, compassion and stopping to deal with what has been and the feelings it caused you. It's not useless, if it's important to you (and you can get it is important from how much often it's coming around in your life).

You may also be regretting not having told or done something for someone and now it's too late (most likely cause they're not in your life/3d anymore). Therefore to you it's useless to think about it and those feelings: there's no solution. You cannot contact them for whatever reason; you just didn't do/say that thing you wanted to say and now it's too late. But tbh there's still something you can do about it. You don't need to talk with the other person to bring yourself closure. You can do it yourself by accepting your past, your feelings and taking time to work through them and your decisions: maybe you have a valid point of view about what happened, about you not being able to really communicate what you wanted, despite it all. Be objective. Also, remember that at times we take some things for granted and we may not talk about our feelings with others when we have time, thinking they know what we mean and that's enough (and it's very often true that they know, but it's also good to hear/be openly reminded about them anyway). This situation can help you realize what you can do it from now on. And it doesn't mean you did bad in the past, at all (forgive yourself when you can). But you can act differently from now on. You can share your feelings even if you were not taught (how) to. Do it your way, it'll be okay anyway. And you know, you can still reach for departed people through your prayers: ask your Guides or the Universe to bring them a symbol or a message. The same way departed souls may come around in other forms (butterflies, for example) to bring us comfort, so we can reach for them too. Take a moment to close your eyes, meditate and tell them whatever you want to tell them. They will listen. Chances are, they're still around you, guiding you.

You may even get dreams about this situation tbh, and you may be getting more after energetically reaching for this person/these people as a sign they got your message (not necessarily through dreams ofc, but you'll get to know). BTW journaling about your situation and feelings can be of help too.

song: tout l'univers | gjon's tears

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pile 2

These are regrets that mostly refer to yourself, as for example something you decided about your life and how you deal with it. For example you may have been wrong about something or you probably made what turned out to be a wrong/rushed decision and it still somewhat haunts you until now (it may even make you worry about repeating it). Maybe it created a bad environment or period in your life or you blame that moment/event for a kinda tough current situation you're being put through (or you just came out of). It could also be something involving your relationships still haunting you from there. Something you're still healing somehow. Something you fear being judged for (but I feel it's more one of your fears than the reality of things, at least for most of you -remember if anyone judges you, it's mostly cause of their own triggers).

Whatever it is, at that time you didn't know what you know now, so trying to judge your past self through the eyes of your present self doesn't make much sense: you learned something also thanks to that decision/situation and from making that decision, no matter what happened next (I know it got tough but that's not what you should focus on the most in order to deal with your regret in a more positive way). You learned something about yourself and about consequences of actions. And you made that decision cause you didn't know any better probably, or cause you just felt like it was okay or it would have been fine for you. Trust yourself and the fact that you learned your lesson now: you won't repeat the same mistake or make a similar one if you'll find yourself in a similar situation. You have the ability to make a different decision and see things from a different perspective now, and still make a decision for your best (surely also that decision you made was for your best in the end, or you thought so: but it was "your best" for your past self. Your present self has changed and grown, even if you're not entirely aware, and it probably needs a different type of "best" from yourself. And trust that you can give it to yourself and it won't be wrong/bad. Honestly, it's never wrong if you decide to do something with pure intentions, no matter how it turns out to be in the future: you never know how things and you will change if you don't try or make experiences. And please do not consider it/yourself as a failure and don't be scared of failing again: the only ones who never fail are the ones who never do anything. But we're not here for that, we're here to try and make experiences, of any type. Even those that are hard and difficult. And we can learn to grow from them and how to deal with them by forgiving ourselves too). Hating yourself or talking bad with yourself for what has happened won't make things better. What has been cannot be changed but you can change how to look at it, and at your past self: be more compassionate, you were also younger and missing experience (even if it was 3 days ago): I know it's painful now but you didn't know any better. And even if you did, still focusing on that "mistake" won't change your present. Take your time but try to make the best of it by seeing it (and your past self, mostly) from a different point of view. A kinder, more accepting one.

Random message but I have to say it as it may resonate for someone: it may feel lonely and different where you're going now, but it's gonna surprise you by being easier on you, and making things easier. Try to be easy with yourself too. Let others in with no fear. Reach for them too. You're already perfect.

song: kiss me more | doja cat, sza

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pile 3

These are regrets involving other people. Differently from pile 2, the focus here is on them the most and how they perceived your decisions/behaviours (but if you feel called to take a look at that pile too, do it). You probably didn't mention something like your reasons or your fears to them, and things kinda crumbled from there. Maybe you didn't feel like it was necessary to explain your behaviour or decisions, or you didn't feel safe enough with them. Or you didn't think about it. Maybe you were just trying to protect yourself (let's make an example: you were prolly dealing with a tough home-environment differently from your friends and you kinda started saying many no's to their invitations in fear of having to deal with overreactions at home, and kinda got left out by your friends). You may also have not been able to confess to someone about your feelings (good or bad), or you said/did something that was too much (like you did confess but the other person didn't welcome it well or didn't tell you anything/ghosted you, or you kinda tried some big gesture that wasn't well accepted...). You may also have embarassed yourself (or fear you did that) in front of people, even someone you cared and feel like you ruined all your chances with them (whether they were your crush or just potential friends) or you made someone change their mind about you (also authority figures, eg. professors/relatives) out of a random decision/act. I see these as main situations: like it could be that you're not able to deal with your emotions at times (you weren't taught how to) or don't get them, and/or you struggle to express them properly and act on impulses that not always are clear to others (nor to yourself). Generally, it's something coming from a place of hurt/trauma you need to heal.

I do feel it's mostly your anxiety when it comes to what others think about you, but even if you have proofs about this being real and you having ruined/lost your chances for something or having been let down by people, what I am called to tell you is similar to what I told pile 2: past cannot be changed and whatever made you do or say what you did or said, it... happened. For as hard as it is to bear with now, it happened and nobody can undo things sadly. Take your time to collect your thoughts about it, to understand your reasons and even see things from a different perspective: maybe you're focusing more on how others reacted to you but you cannot control that anyway. Check within about yourself now, how do YOU feel about it, find your own reasons, find the root cause that made you act like that: was it self defense, was it external validation seeking, was it just need to be seen/loved at last, was it just a random/rushed decision dictated maybe by some unmet needs that you needed to give yourself/someone to meet asap (but you didn't know how to and just tried maybe not thinking about the other or possible consequences), was it really that you didn't understand/know what to do with your emotions and just "had to" do something?... Once you get this, you can also try also to understand why the other may have reacted as they did, so to understand more about your behaviour: how would have you reacted if you were them and they did/said what you did/said to them? Sure, we're all different and may react in different ways also cause of our own life experiences and possible personal triggers, but it's still a good way to try and learn how to make things better for you. And heal yourself. So, one way you can deal with your regret is trying to understand what brought you to this situation (through the questions mentioned above, too) and how you can bring yourself closure to it. Don't let the noise inside of your mind (that voice that is pretending to sound so annoyed or shocked by your behaviour as if it came from those other people judging you) switch your focus on the wrong object. People judge us based on their own triggers, don't mind them. And don't mind that voice as it doesn't really know. Take this chance to find out more about yourself and heal yourself from your fears and wounds.

And if you need, you can reach for those people and talk about what happened/explain your feelings and ask for theirs (eg. be sorry if you offended them...). Just don't over-explain yourself nor overdo things or you will obtain the opposite reaction (a.k.a. not a clarification but them closing off from you more directly). Also, it's not always worth to reach for people we may have bothered (even unwillingly) and clarify ourselves: at times, we just need to take a step back from them and what happened, and start walking on a different path with a new lesson learned. And some new hints on our healing journey and how to proceed on it.

songs: say it again | precious

[bogkeep]

saw some lego dinosaurs today :3

[soft-lee]

First thing he said to me when he got home from work was "On the bed, arms up. I'm not asking. Don't make me say it again." 🫠

[mamawasatesttube]

i do deeply believe, from the bottom of my heart, that in the leadup to new krypton arc, kara zor-el definitely at least once told reactron to kill himself. and i fully support her in that

[juniperhillpatient]

I’ve always been fascinated by female characters that are defined specifically by what they mean to the (mostly male) characters around them in an objectifying way but I don’t mean misogynistic writing because I fully believe the narrative can be aware of the tragedy of never belonging to yourself or being allowed to have any agency in your own life. The mysterious dead girl who is the object of everyone’s curiosity or grief whose relationship with the men in her life is the focus of the investigation. Like…. The horror of having no agency within your own identity & no power to change that or take control of your own narrative.

[hsslilly-blog]

character inspo for blair and claire, inspired by @oakwolves. i could talk about them forever <3

[apricotmayonaise]

whn moodboards part 2: gorski sisters

[kerryweaverlesbian]

Claire is never in one million years going to refer to Cas as something dad-like or do specifically dad activities with him. They may be weird kinda stilted friends, and I can see her (as a JOKE) introducing Cas as "my evil step-dad" and HE might think of HER as a daughter figure but she isn't calling him her dad, he is not getting father's day cards, she isn't including him in the first run of 'meet the family' with a girlfriend, he doesn't get a defacto invite to her graduation. In MY humble opinion.

[inlovewithquotes]

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I was dreaming about…about…”

He patted my back, and reached under the pillow for a handkerchief.

“I know. Ye were calling his name.” He sounded resigned.

I laid my head back in his shoulder. He smelled warm and rumpled, his own sleepy scent blending with the smell of the down-filled quilt and the clean linen sheets.

“I’m sorry,” I said again.

He snorted briefly, not quite a laugh. “Well, I’ll no say I’m not wicked jealous of the man,” he said ruefully, “because I am. But I can hardly grudge the him your dreams. Or your tears.” His finger gently traced the wet track down one cheek, then blotted it with the handkerchief.

“You don’t?”

His smile in the dimness was lopsided.

“No. Ye loved him. I canna hold it against either of you that ye mourn him. And it gives me some comfort to know….” He hesitated, and I reached up to smooth the rumpled hair off his face.

“To know what?”

“That should the need come, you might mourn me that way,” he said softly.

I pressed my face fiercely into his chest, so my words were muffled.

“I won’t mourn you, because I won’t have to. I won’t lose you, I won’t!” A thought struck me, and I looked up at him, the faint roughness of his bread stubble a shadow on his face.

“You aren’t afraid I would go back, are you? You don’t think that because I….think of Frank…”

“No.” His voice was quick and soft, a response fast as the possessive tightening of his arms around me.

“No.” He said again, more softly. “We are bound, you and I, and nothing on this earth shall part me from you.” One large hand rose and stroke my hair. “D’ye mid the blood vow that I swore ye when we wed?”

“Yes, I think so. ‘Blood of my blood , bone of my bone….”

“I give ye my body, that we may be one,” he finished. “Aye, and I have kept that vow, Sassenach, and so have you.”

He turned me slightly, and one hand cupped itself gently over the tiny swell of my stomach.

“Blood of my blood,” he whispered, “and bone of my bone. You carry me within ye, Claire, and ye canna leave me now, no matter what happens. You are mine, always, if ye will it or no, if ye want me or nay. Mine, and I wilna let ye go.”

I put my hand over his, pressing it against me.

“No,” I said softly, “nor can you leave me.”

“No,” he said half smiling. “For I have kept that last of the vow as well.” He clasped both hands about me, and bowed his head on my shoulder, so I could feel the warm breath of the words upon my ear, whispered to the dark.

“For I give ye my spirit, till our life shall be done.”

-Dragonfly In Amber

[another-clive-blog]

Back to thinking about Claire and Clive and their traumas born from the same tragedy yet entirely different

You ever think about the fact that Clive's parents were (almost) never directly mentioned ? Layton mentioned them for the backstory talk and that's all, objective "they are dead" statement. And the other time we heard about them was in the flashback. In both of these cases, they're only evoked to announce their death, nothing else. We never get to hear about them in present tense, Clive himself never speaks about them. They're just... Gone. They won't come back, not thanks to revenge, not as ghosts, not even in discussions. They're dead and they'll stay dead.

On the other hand, Claire is very much alive- or at least she looks like it. Even before we get to the Claire reveal, every character keeps her memory alive. Dimitri is doing this all for Claire, Layton is a living tribute to her, Don Paolo's character is linked to her choices. She's everywhere and haunting the narrative before we ever learn that she is literally haunting the narrative. She's corporeal enough to change things yet her time is up, so really how much change can she bring ? She is stuck in this transitory state where she doesn't get to live yet can't die and disappear either. Even if she were to die once and for all, most of our characters would still have her as a driving force. She is forced to influence this story far beyond her death.

I wonder how they got along. Clive for whom death is absence, it is forgotten family and empty homes, and Claire for whom death is life persisting, loud with memories and transcending feelings.

[darklydeliciousdesires]

Last week, when I visited my nan in hospital, I whispered something to her. “If a fella with one eye and two ravens shows up, that’s Odin. Go with him.” Today, a week on from her passing and I’m sitting in the food court at our local supermarket, and incredibly, I saw a raven fly in, perching up on the high beams.

I guess she went with him. Thanks for sending me a sign that you’re okay, nan 🖤🖤

[captainskells]

White Spire Enchanter and Apprentices, circa 9:37 Dragon, unknown painter

Enchanters A time has come for battle lines We will cut these knotted ties And some may live and some may die.