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betterthanburrow · 1 year ago

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Since We’re Alone - Joe Burrow

Summary: During times like these; it’s hard for you to think about how much your life has changed in the past year… But when someone from one of your precious relationships makes an unexpected appearance, it leads to an important conversation that you and Joe had been avoiding for far too long.

Genre: Angst and Fluff (New Relationship AU)

“All Your Thoughts Running Through Your Head, The Things You Think Better Left Unsaid… Just Wanna Know Where You Came From” Niall Horan; Since We’re Alone.

It’s crazy how in just one year, your life can changed in ways that is hard to explain without sounding like you’re going insane… It’s hard to recognize yourself because you’ve changed so much, but changing your live and yourself for the better is never a bad thing.

One year ago on Super Bowl Sunday you and Harrison Bryant ,your boyfriend at the time, were attending a small party along with some of the football players on the Cleveland Browns team and their partners to watch the biggest football game of the year between the Los Angeles Rams and Cincinnati Bengals… Despite the Bengals football team and Browns football team representing the same state in the NFL, majority of the Browns football players were rooting for the Rams football team to win the Super Bowl 56.

After a year of experiencing betrayal and heartbreak because of your ex-boyfriend and learning how to love yourself again with the help of your family, best friends, and your therapist… Here you are in the Kimpton Hotel Suite in Phoenix, Arizona getting ready alongside Joe Burrow, your boyfriend, for Michael Rubin's 2023 Fanatics Super Bowl Party hours before Super Bowl 57.

It’s crazy when you think about how last year you were watching your future boyfriend play in the most important football game of his life while sitting next to your future ex-boyfriend and his teammates.

Today at the Super Bowl Party, you and Joe will be making a public appearance for the first time as a couple since the two of you started dating about 5 months ago… For the past few months the two of you have kept your relationship a secret from football fans; but now since it’s the end of the football season, Joe and you felt it is the best time now to publicly reveal your relationship before it got exposed by football fans.

As you were getting ready for the Super Bowl Party in the hotel suite’s bathroom, there was a bubble of anxiety forming in your chest that you were trying very hard to ignore… Because as much as you were excited to go to the party with Joe, you were very nervous about making the first public appearance as a couple.

While your previous relationship was with a football player, that relationship was very private to the point where Cleveland Browns fans didn’t know about the relationship and some Cleveland Browns football players didn’t know that you were Harrison’s girlfriend when the two of you would go to an event together… Harrison always claimed that he wanted to keep your relationship private or else the public media would care about his relationship more than his football career; while your friends said that was an excuse, you believed his reasons to keep the relationship private.

Now in your current relationship with Joe, it’s easy for you to understand what being in a private relationship means because while Joe wants to keep his life outside of football private, he wants you to be involved in his public life as much as you can by inviting you to sit with his parents and friends at football games and now going to public events together.

Once you were finished getting ready, you examined your outfit in the full length mirror in the bathroom. The simple short white dress that Joe had bought you as a 1 month anniversary looked stunning on you and matched the white laced-up sandals as the knitted cardigan that was gifted to you by your grandmother gave your outfit some color and to give you comfort due to the unpredictable weather of Phoenix, Arizona.

Suddenly the bathroom door is opening which causes you to turn around. “Hey Angel are you-“ Joe pauses his sentence as he looks up and down at you, examining your outfit choice. The look on his face is a face you’ve never before which makes you confused.

“Is this dress good to wear at the event?!” you ask. “I know the dress-code is casual attire and I think this outfit is casual, I have other outfits if this is bad.”

“No! This isn’t a bad outfit at all… You look gorgeous!” Joe exclaims as he walks into the bathroom towards you. “I just love this dress on you so much… and what makes the dress even better is that I bought it for you.”

You felt your cheeks get hot as you hid you face in your hands with causes Joe to softly sighed as he moves your hands away from your face and placed his hands on your cheeks, guiding your face to look up at him as he gives you smiles that causes you to blush more.

“You know I love to see you blush because of me Angel.” Joe whispers, as he rubs your cheeks with his thumbs. “There’s no reason to be so nervous.”

“I know.” you whisper.

Joe raises an eyebrow, “You know I’m not just talking about the compliments I gave your outfit right?” he asks, “There’s no reason for you to be so nervous about the Super Bowl party.”

“I know.” you whisper again. “I just can’t help feeling so nervous because this is the first time we’re going to a public event together as a couple.”

“I know and I understand that.” Joe says. “But don’t let your anxiety ruin today for you. You’ll be by my side the entire time and we’ll be around people that you know. We won’t be at the event for long and then we can come back to our hotel suite and relax before the football game. This will be a fun day for us.”

It make you smile to see how much Joe cared about you and how much he wants to take care of you… It’s still very early in your relationship so you haven’t told him about your past relationship and the reasons for your anxiety, but Joe has never pressured you to talk about it and he makes it clear that he’ll be ready to listen when you are ready to talk about your past.

There was a part of you that has been anxious since the beginning of your relationship with Joe that once he found out that you previous relationship was with a football players, he would think differently of you and would shame you for going from one football player to another football player within a few months.

But there was the other part of you that knew once you would open up to Joe about your previous relationship with Harrison, he wouldn’t think differently of you or shame you for moving on from a relationship that was becoming toxic and for allowing your mutual friends to set the two of you up together because the friends knew you and Joe would be so good for each other.

Joe smiles back at you as he leans down to give you a quick kiss on the lips before he takes his hands off your cheeks to pull you into a hug… For the first time since you woke up this morning, you felt that anxious bubble in your chest deflate because of the comforting words and actions from Joe that make you feel safe.

There’s a reason why Michael Rubin's Super Bowl parties are the most popular Super Bowl parties for people to attend every year. You don’t think you’ve ever seen a big crowd of people like this before in your life… It didn’t take long for the anxious bubble to form again in your chest as you held a tight grip on Joe’s hands as he’s leading the two of you through the crowd to try reach where he knew some close friends would be at.

It was difficult at times to make your way through the crowd, but once you and Joe started to see people that you recognized in an area that wasn’t too crowded… When the two of you arrived in the area and saw all of Joe’s good friends in the NFL, you were able to feel more comfortable within your surroundings of not being around strangers.

While Joe and the other football players started making small conversations amongst each other that you couldn’t barely hear because of the loud music from the DJ booth. You start to look around the area to see if you could recognize anyone, but you realized that was a mistake when you made eye contact with someone you never thought you’ll see again.

There he was your Harrison Bryant with his arm wrapped around the waist of a girl that you recognized to be who you caught him cheating on you with… He just smiled as waved at you before turning his attention back to the conversation with his girl and a Cleveland Browns football player that you recognized.

You immediately felt sick in your stomach; for many months you’ve tried to avoid any sight of him whether it was on social media or at football games but here he was at a Super Bowl Party… All you could do was stand next to your boyfriend while trying not to have a panic breakdown in front of everyone around you.

This was the first time you had seen Harrison since the night you caught him cheating on you in your own apartment… All the memories of the things he had said about you and your relationship from the night made you feel like you were going to vomit.

“Are you okay?!” Joe loudly whispered, as his voice pulled you out of your thoughts. Joe had noticed you staring off into the distance for a few minutes, at first he thought that you recognized someone but when your face started going pale and your grip on his hand got tighter. Joe knew that something was wrong.

When you turned you head towards Joe and noticed the concern on his face, all you could do was nod your head and pretend that everything was fine… Even thought the two of you have only been dating for a few months Joe knew that you weren’t telling the truth but, he didn’t want to pressure you to talk about it now.

For the rest of the time while the two of you were at Michael Rubin's 2023 Fanatics Super Bowl Party, you didn’t feel like yourself at all… There was a huge anxious bubble in your chest, you felt so sick to your stomach to the point where you wanted to run off to a private area just to vomit, and you just wanted to go back to the hotel room to cry of how your ex-boyfriend still had so much control over your emotions even if he didn’t say any words to you.

Thankfully, Joe kept his eye on you because he could tell that something must’ve triggered your anxiety and he was slowly wrapping up the loose ends of the conversations with the other football players so that the two of you can leave the party and go back to the privacy of the hotel suit. But just as the conversations were ending, you heard a voice you thought that you would never have to heard again.

“Joe Burrow! It’s good to see you!” your ex-boyfriend yells as he’s walking forward towards the both of you.

“Oh Hey…” Joe slowly says, as he’s not able to recognize the man that is walking his way and you finally noticed that the girl was no longer by his side.

“I’m Harrison Bryant!, Tight End for the Cleveland Browns.” he says proudly. “Me and you have played each other on the football field a few times and I thought now would be the best time to say hello.”

Joe nods his head, not knowing what to say. You just decided to keep quiet. You knew Joe doesn’t know about the history between you and Harrison but you didn’t know if Harrison knew that Joe doesn’t know.

“And look who you have right beside you…” Harrison says, looking directly at you which has Joe confused. “Hello Y/N! It’s good to see you again!”

All you could do was give a fake soft smile as you looked at Harrison who had a smirk on his face before you turned to look and see the confusion on Joe’s face as the grip Joe had on your waist got tighter.

“Hi Harrison.” you bitterly replied.

“How do the two of you know each other?!” Joe asked, looking back and forth between you and Harrison.

Since the three of you have lived in Ohio the past few years, Joe thought you knew Harrison because of friends… but from the tension that could be seen between Harrison and you, Joe knew that the reason the two of you knew each other was complicated.

You didn’t want to lie to Joe, especially in front of Harrison knowing that he would expose the truth… but you didn’t want to give your ex-boyfriend the power of exposing a secret that you’ve been keeping from Joe.

“Harrison is my ex-boyfriend.” you confess. You watch the smirk of Harrison’s face grow bigger as Joe looked more confused than ever before. In that moment, you just wanted to kick Harrison in the crotch and runaway with Joe to a private area to tell the whole truth.

“I’m very surprised to see that you’re dating another football player. You should’ve seen the look on my face when people were telling me that my ex-girlfriend is here with the Cincinnati Bengals Quarterback.” Harrison says. “It’s crazy how things can change in a year. One year ago you were sitting next to me watching your future boyfriend lose in the Super Bowl.”

The grip that Joe had on your waist got tighter to the point where you knew that there would be bruise marks on the skin… You knew that Joe was getting angrier the more Harrison talked. While Joe could be a master of hiding his emotions, if people were paying attention to the conversation they would see his anger.

“Well… I’m sure one day the Cleveland Browns will make it to the Super Bowl.“ Joe states in an angry tone. “But I guess that past 52 years just weren’t the day.”

“Next year will definitely be the year for the Cleveland Browns, you can trust me on that.” Harrison says. “Anyways, I knew I wasn’t going crazy when I saw thought I saw you at the football game between Cleveland and Cincinnati a few weeks ago… I thought that you were at the game to support me but turns out you were at the game to support your new boy-toy.”

“After everything that happened between us… Why would you think that I would ever want to go to a football game and support you again?!” you asked.

“Because girls like you never forget their first love. No matter how the relationship ended.” Harrison answered. “You know I’ll always love you.”

You almost gasped because you couldn’t believe your ex-boyfriend has the nerve to say that he loves you despite the fact that one of the reasons your relationship ended was because you never felt loved by him throughout your entire relationship.

There was silence between the three of you. The only important thing that you knew that you needed to do was leave the party with Joe before a fight could start between him and Harrison… You force Joe to let go of the tight grip that he had on your waist and before he react, you grip his hand tight and started walking as you force Joe to follow behind you.

“Goodbye Harrison. It’s time for Joe and I to leave.” you exclaimed, as the two of you walk past him. You bump into Harrison’s shoulder and don’t look back as Harrison yells for you to say “Excuse Me”.

You knew that you could’ve and should’ve handled the situation better but, you weren’t expecting to see your ex-boyfriend at the party and you weren’t expecting Harrison to walk up and try to have a conversation.

All that you could hope and pray for now is that when you and Joe get back to the hotel suite, he is willing to listen to the reasons why you decided to keep your precious relationship a secret from him.

From the walk to the Uber, to the ride in the car back to the hotel, and to the elevator ride up to the hotel suite. Joe had not said a word to you, he just kept a tight grip on your hand as he kept his attention occupied on something other than you… It was until he let go of your hand as the two of you walked into the hotel suite when he spoke up.

“I’m going take a shower and then we need to talk.” he said, not looking at you as he walked towards the bathroom and then shut the door very loudly.

When Joe was in the bathroom, he felt like he could breathe again as he let go of the breathe he was holding in for so long… There were so many thoughts going through his head and it was overwhelming him to the point where he needed some alone time in the shower to think about everything that happened.

The feeling in Joe’s gut when Harrison walked up towards him should’ve been a warning sign that the conversation between the three of you wasn’t going to be pleasant… Joe wishes he would’ve trusted his gut and walked away with you to not give Harrison any attention because now the two of you have to deal with the consequences of what Harrison has said.

When Joe got into the hot shower, immediately the tension in his body was relieved and he could feel himself relaxing as he let the sound of water take over his mind from the overwhelming thoughts.

Joe has always been a very observing person especially when it came to you… From the moment the two of you met because of mutual friends, he knew that you had just gotten out of a relationship that your friends described to be unhealthy for you.

But, that didn’t stop Joe from catching feeling for you and confessing those feelings only a few months later and he promised you that he would never hurt you the way your ex-boyfriend hurt you (even though he didn’t know any details about your previous relationship).

Joe knew that one day the two of you would have to talk about your previous relationship due to your relationship anxiety because it’s slowly started to affect your relationship with Joe… He doesn’t know what happened between you and Harrison, but he knows that something happened that causes you to have so much anxiety when it comes to relationships.

As Joe is replaying the events of the day in his mind, he realizes that the reason you were so nervous before the two of you left to go to the Super Bowl party was because you were nervous that Harrison would see you with Joe… Joe couldn’t blame you for not wanting to see your ex-boyfriend at a public event, especially since the relationship didn’t end on good terms.

Joe decided to stop focusing on overthinking because he needed to calm himself down in the shower before the two of you had the long awaited discussion… Meanwhile you were walking around the hotel suite, trying not to have a panic attack as your mind is all over the place with overwhelming thoughts.

You knew that you should’ve told the truth to Joe about your previous relationship and your relationship anxiety before the two of you got into a relationship… It was something that your therapist suggested you to do but you never thought there was a right time to talk.

The two of you were still in the early stages of your relationship so it wasn’t like you had kept this a secret from Joe for years… but you knew that because of the things that happened your previous relationship, things in your future relationships would be affected. Your perspective of love and how you wanted to be treated in a romantic relationship had changed.

After pacing around the hotel suite for some time, you finally decided to lay down on the hotel bed to try and stop overthinking… but as you laid down on the bed, you hear the shower being turned off and then a few minutes later, you hear the bathroom door opened and footsteps walking into the hallway into the bedroom.

You watched as Joe walked to the dresser where the clothes were in and changes from just having a bathroom towel wrapped around his waist into a pair of black Nike sweatpants and a big t-shirt.

When Joe turns around he sees you laying on the bed in the simple white short dress that he loved and no sandals on watching every move he made… All he could do was give you a soft smile as he walked toward the bed to lay right next to you.

There was a moment of silent between the two of you as you’re facing each other while laying in the hotel bed together… Neither of you knew where to start the conversation. Your felt your heart beating fast against your chest, as you sat up from your spot on the bed.

“I think the best place to start the conversation is to tell you about my previous relationship with Harrison.” you said, as your attention is focus on Joe as he nods is head in agreement.

“So Harrison and I met because of mutual friends in Ohio and we started dating right before the 2021-2022 football season… Things were good in the beginning of our relationship but, as time went on I realized that the way Harrison loved me wasn’t the way I wanted to be loved. At times I felt like he was embarrassed to be in a relationship with me because he never wanted me to sit with the Cleveland Browns football players’ family and friends at football games and acted like I didn’t exist at events we would go too in front of other football players.” you said before taking a breathe.

Joe reached for your hand to give a comfort squeeze with a smile as he knew that this was hard for you to talk about. “Take all the time you need Angel.” he said.

“I just never felt loved by him and when I would bring this topic up to him, Harrison would say that I was being overdramatic and expecting too much from a guy who is private about his life.” you say.

“Someone being private about their life is different from someone being secretive about their life.” Joe stated. “I’m private about my life but I don’t act like you don’t exist in front of my family and friends.”

“Harrison claimed I was just trying to create issues over things that don’t matter… When I tried to break-up with him the first time, he told me that my reasons for wanting to break-up with him were not good enough and convinced me to stay in the relationship.” you confessed. “He did promise he would do better to love me the way that I wanted him to love me but, that was just an empty promise and I caught him in my old apartment, cheating on me just a few months later.”

Joe didn’t know what to say, he felt like nothing that he could say would comfort you in the right way… All he could do was squeeze your hand to let you know that he was listening to every word that you said.

“When I caught him cheating on me, I immediately confronted him about it and at first he tried to manipulate me that what I saw wasn’t what happened… But when he realized I wouldn’t falling for the excuses, he tried to make it seem like it was my fault that he cheated on me. He said that I set too high of an expectation for him on how I wanted him to love me. I wanted him to love me the way he promised.” you said. “So our relationship ended just a few weeks before we met, and when you confessed your feelings for me… I didn’t think that I was ready to be in a new relationship, but I took a chance because there is something different about you.”

“I’m glad that you took a chance on me.” Joe says. “And I hope that since the day we started dating, I proved to you that I will never be anything like Harrison and I’ll never make you feel unloved the way he did.”

You lean forward to wrap your arms around Joe’s neck as he wrapped his arms around your waist to pull you close to him in a hug… You couldn’t help but let a few tears roll down your face as you felt relieved for letting Joe know the truth about your previous relationship.

“I hope you understand that I want to keep our relationship private, but not in the way that Harrison kept your relationship a secret. There is a different between a private relationship and a secret relationship.” Joe stated. “I’m private about my personal life because I am protective of the people that I love and that includes you. I love you too much to allow you to get hurt my football fans.”

Your eyes are wide open as you sit back up on the bed and stare at him with a blank expression on your face, which causes him to have a confused look on his face as he tried to think about what he said ... Joe didn’t have the chance to ask questions before you spoke up.

“Say that last part again.” you demanded.

“I love you-“

“You love me?!” you asked as you interrupted Joe.

“Yes of course I love you.” Joe answered which causes you to smile and get emotional. All Joe could do was smile, because this was the first time either of you have said those three special words to each other.

“I love you too Joe.” you say as you lena forward to give Joe a kiss. You can feel him smile against your lips as he pull you on top of him to sit on his lap.

When the two of you pulled away from the short kiss, there are matching smiles on your faces... It didn’t take you long to realize that there was something else that was on your mind that you needed to talk about.

“Also, I just want to let you know that I did plan on telling you about my previous relationship with another football player.” you confess. “I wanted to tell you before someone else got the chance but Harrison ruined the plan. I was just scared to tell you because I didn’t want to get judged by you for previously being in a relationship with a football player.”

“I would never judge you and no one has a right to judge you.” Joe answers. “It doesn’t matter if you’ve dated two football players… there’s are a lot of differences between me and Harrison.”

You chuckled at what Joe said because he’s not wrong. There are many differences between Joe and Harrison; there are differences on the football field, but also there are differences off the football field.

“I know that it’ll take time for the anxiety you have about relationships to go away because how you were treated in your previous relationship and I’m letting you know now that I will be right by your side every step of the way to help you overcome your anxiety when it comes to relationships.” Joe says.

Once again, you felt emotional over the words Joe said because you believed your expectations of love were too much for someone to handle… For so long, you thought you weren’t worthy of experiencing a romantic relationship that is built on the foundation of trust.

“I love you so much.” you say as you lay down on top of Joe’s chest with his arms wrapped around your waist.

“I love you too Angel.” Joe says.

It’s crazy how in just one year, your life can changed in ways that is easy for you to explain… One year ago, you were in a relationship with someone that you never felt loved you to the full potential. Now, you are wrapped in the arms of a man who will prove to you every day that he loves you and will be right by your side until the end.

Author’s Note:

it feels like it’s been way too long since my last written fanfiction was published so i hope you all enjoyed reading this written fanfiction… i promise that the next written fanfiction won’t take a month to be published.

i’ve been obsessed with Niall Horan’s music lately so i knew that i wanted to write a fanfiction inspired by one of his songs.

thank you all for the love and support! 🤍

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