#cincinnati bathtubs

[handeaux]

Here Are Some Weird And Wonderful Histories Of Cincinnati’s Most Famous Bathtubs

Over the years, Cincinnati has found itself tangled in some unique and curious bathtub mythology. Since so much of our city’s history involved the manufacture of soap, that may not be surprising at all. Here are some of the Queen City’s more iconic bathtub tales.

The Great Cincinnati Bathtub Hoax Cincinnati’s most famous bathtub never existed at all. It was created out of thin air on 28 December 1917, when a satirical essay by H. L. Mencken, titled "A Neglected Anniversary," was published in the New York Evening Mail. In this essay, Mencken claimed that the very first bathtub in the United States was installed in a Cincinnati home by one Adam Thompson in 1842. Further, Mencken claimed, “Some papers designated it as an epicurean luxury, others called it undemocratic, as it lacked simplicity in its surroundings. Medical authorities attacked it as dangerous to health.” Although this was totally “fake news,” and although Mencken himself was eventually compelled to expose his own hoax, the Great Cincinnati Bathtub Hoax was repeated as truth many times over the next century and still pops up as “fact” online today. Cincinnati, of course, puffed with pride on learning of the city’s pioneering role in American hygiene, to the extent that John Behle, manager of Cincinnati’s 1935 Municipal and Industrial Exposition, attempted to procure the antique vessel from Henry Ford for display! Ford, according to a rumor based on a rumor, had allegedly acquired Mr. Thompson’s non-existent tub for his own collection.

Cincinnati’s First Real Bathtubs It is very likely that the earliest residents of Cincinnati bathed in the Ohio River. As late as 1837, the revised City Ordinances of Cincinnati attempted to prohibit bathing in the river and even later, it was said that famed journalist Lafcadio Hearn only consented to indoor bathing when it was too cold to splash around our riverfront. Private citizens, when the urge struck them, performed their ablutions in the same washtub in which they did their laundry, but they could have used actual bathtubs as early as 1826 when Peter Gibson, a pioneer plumber, advertised his ability to install baths in Cincinnati homes. That was a good 16 years before Mencken’s imaginary tub. Although Cincinnatians had access to bona fide bathtubs as early as the 1820s, such laving basins were not often found in private homes but at Archibald Woodruff’s bathhouse. Woodruff led a colorful life. He was once arrested on orders from Napoleon himself, and he created Cincinnati’s first pleasure gardens. While engaged in various other business ventures, he maintained Woodruff’s Bath House on Sycamore Street across from the National Theater. There he offered warm, cold, shower, and salt-water baths. Woodruff advertised the availability of spare bathtubs for the benefit of invalids, to be delivered anywhere in the city.

Florentine Hotel Stakes A Claim Legend has it that no Cincinnati hotels offered in-house bathing until the Florentine Hotel – a short-lived establishment whose building was later occupied by a dime museum – installed a hefty bathtub in one of its upstairs rooms around 1860. To get this monstrosity, described as “large as a canal boat,” into the hotel a derrick was constructed on Vine Street. According to the Cincinnati Times-Star [14 December 1920], “Thousands of Cincinnatians viewed the tub as a great curiosity, as the thought of lying down while ‘taking a wash’ appealed to their sense of humor.”

Doctor Karshner’s Electro-Therapeutic Baths In 1858, Cincinnatians were invited to visit the Electric Infirmary of Doctor William Karshner on Barr Street in the West End to immerse themselves in the patented “Electro-Therapeutic” tubs available there. Inquiring patients found two metal tubs connected to galvanic batteries, one allegedly “negative” to “strengthen the system,” and the other “positive” to eliminate impurities. The patient reclined on an array of gutta percha straps, while scrubbing themselves with an electrified sponge. Doctor Karshner claimed his electrically charged tubs could cure syphilis, scrofula, delirium tremens, hysteria, consumption, asthma and a variety of mental conditions. He received a U.S. patent in 1859 for his “electrical bath,” and licensed his system to doctors up and down the Ohio River. After a couple of somewhat vague lawsuits against him and his wife, Doctor Karshner disappears from the historical record. He was the first, but far from the last, Cincinnati purveyor of electrical cures.

Floating Bath House The Floating Bath House, opened in the 1870s by brothers Robert and Rudolph Schmidt, was a sight to behold, 200 feet long and 50 feet wide and rising 15 feet out of the water. The center of the vessel had no floor, allowing swimmers to plunge into Ohio River water through an opening 65 feet long and 20 feet wide. Aligned with the river currents, fresh water flowed through the Bath House continually. The swimming area was surrounded by 68 dressing rooms supplied with a couple of towels, soap, a mirror and a bathing hose. Fore and aft of the main bathing area was an array of 24 private bathing areas – essentially, bath tubs filled with circulating river water. Naturally, the Floating Bath House raised protests from Cincinnatians. A letter, signed only “August” appearing in the Cincinnati Enquirer [30 May 1874], complained, “It is a well enough institution for private baths; but oh, for the public baths. At times there are at least sixty-five together in one tub. Is this not outrageous? Where do a great many young men go to spend their Sunday instead of going to church? They go to the river.” That complaint was confined to men because, before 1880, only men were allowed onto the Floating Bath House. Women gained access after years of complaint and enjoyed the joys of river-bathing two days a week, though always on the lookout for Peeping Toms.

Lily Langtry’s Apollinaris Water Bath In February 1883, legendary British beauty Lillie Langtry arrived in Cincinnati for an engagement at Robinson’s Opera House and took rooms at the Grand Hotel. Inevitably, her maid drew a bath, but after one glance at the murky, coffee-colored fluid Lily refused to subject her beauty to such treatment. It would be 25 years before Cincinnati filtered the water it pumped directly from the Ohio River. Miss Langtry dressed and hurried down to see the hotel manager. Struck by inspiration, he ordered enough Apollinaris water delivered to her suite to suffice for her bath. She was immediately satisfied, and the manager continued to send up bottles of the sparkling water throughout her stay at the hotel. An enterprising marketer for the Apollinaris water company, on learning of this creative use of his product, had a gold plate engraved to designate Room 100 of the Grand Hotel as the “Apollinaris Suite” and that plate hung on the door for the next 50 years. Generations of young men, inspired by visions of Lillie Langtry, sans clothing, immersing her voluptuous body into a tub of sparkling water, kept that room occupied for decades.

The Demon Bathtub of Cincinnati The Alta Flats, a respectable apartment building on the southwest corner of Sycamore and Fourth Streets, held a ghastly Gay Nineties secret. Two people, five years apart, died mysteriously in the same bathtub. Frank Cabell was the first to die, on a cold November day in 1893. He was 27, a clerk for a railroad and a dedicated student of Theosophy. One evening, Frank agitatedly told his brother, who roomed with him, that a “White Mahatma” had accused him of an unpardonable sin. Frank was found next morning with his throat slashed in the tub. Almost exactly five years later, on 6 Nov 1898, the coroner arrived at the very same apartment to find a dead, nude woman in the very same bathtub. Edith Garfield, aged 23, had drowned after what was described as a “debauch,” a “merry night,” and an “orgy” in the rooms then occupied by a well-known stationer. The dead woman was a prostitute “kept” by yet another man who worked as a cashier in his father’s bank. Also involved in the “debauch” was a married woman, who fled the flat after the body was discovered. No one was ever charged. Were the two deaths just a coincidence? Not according to the Enquirer, which opined: “Does the spirit of the great white Mahatma lure unfortunates on to death in the Alta apartment house?”

Procter & Gamble’s Imputed Bathtub It was just 20 years ago that a Procter & Gamble archivist disclosed evidence that the company had spent the previous 125 years pushing a thoroughly bogus explanation for the origins of Ivory Soap. According to the “official” story, a machine tender in 1879 left his stirring kettle run through his lunch break, whipping too much air into a batch of P&G white soap. The batch shipped, and the company began getting requests for more of that “floating soap.” P&G discovered the cause of the errant batch, branded it Ivory after a verse in the Bible, and the rest was history. Until, that is, the archivist found this line in James N. Gamble’s 1863 research notebook: "I made floating soap today. I think we'll make all of our stock that way." The founder’s son, in other words, created floating soap 15 years before the company went to market with it. Lost in this legend – whichever version you want to believe – is a simple question. How did they know the soap floated? Presumably, someone put it in a tub of water. Was that tub at Jimmy Gamble’s laboratory in Brighton? Or was it at home with Mrs. Gamble? Or was it an apocryphal customer’s tub? Somewhere, there is an unsung bathtub that revealed the magic of Ivory Soap.

Big Bill’s Bathtubs Cincinnati’s bathtub infatuation extends even to the White House. That proud son of the Queen City, William Howard Taft, finds himself inextricably linked to two bathtubs. The more famous bathtub never existed at all and the bathtub that did exist is hardly mentioned these days. Despite a century of denials, there are folks who still believe that Big Bill got stuck in a bathtub at the White House and required the assistance of four men to extract him. Easily believable because Taft topped six feet in height and weighed somewhere north of 300 pounds, but it never happened. The first mention of Taft’s indelicate predicament didn’t appear until a White House usher named Irwin “Ike” Hoover’s posthumous memoirs appeared in 1934. In reality, soon after his election, Taft sailed south on the battleship North Carolina to inspect the Panama Canal. On board was an immense bathtub, manufactured by the Jordan Mott Company of New York, capable of holding four normal sized men. A photo of this gargantuan fixture appeared in the February 1909 Engineering Review and similar tubs were installed at the White House, the Presidential Yacht, and Taft’s brother’s home in Texas to ensure our hefty chief executive remained unstuck.

Arnold’s Legendary Bathtub Although it’s a fixture at the annual Bockfest parade, the famous bathtub of Arnold’s Bar & Grill owes its reputation more to the silver tongues of Elmer Arnold and Jim Tarbell than to the Eighteenth Amendment. Both men were exceptionally prolific raconteurs, and Elmer, the last of the Arnold family to manage the establishment, deftly avoided fact-checking when he put his family’s saloon on the market in 1959. Official records confirm that Arnold’s totally shut down throughout Prohibition while the Arnold family decamped from Eighth Street to Mount Lookout. Elmer reluctantly reopened the restaurant in 1933 only because his chosen career – selling horseshoe nails – had dried up. While it is true that Elmer’s father, Hugo, was convicted on bootlegging charges in 1922, Dad was caught with quarts of bonded whiskey, not bathtub gin, suggesting that George Remus, rather than upstairs plumbing, was the source. Elmer was smart enough to know that a good rumor would pique the interest of buyers. When Tarbell took over Arnold’s in 1976, he was not about to let a good legend fade away. With customers clamoring to dine in the bathtub room, he knew he had marketing gold and launched the motorized bathtub that enlivens so many parades today.

[anewsurface]

What Cincinnati Customers Are Saying About Anew Surface

At Anew Surface, we take immense pride in the results we deliver—but nothing validates our work more than hearing from satisfied customers. Over the years, we’ve helped countless Cincinnati homeowners and property managers transform their bathrooms with our top-quality bathtub refinishing services. Today, we’re shining a spotlight on some of their experiences to give you a glimpse into what it’s like to work with us.

“Our 89 year-old bathtub looks brand new - thank you, Ian! Excellent company and work at a fair price.” – Mrs Reynolds

Mrs Reynolds feedback is one we hear often. Many people think replacement is their only option, but our refinishing services can make your old tub look brand new without the mess, cost, or downtime of a full renovation. Whether you’re in Oakley, Hyde Park, or other Cincinnati neighborhoods, we’ve got you covered.

A Game-Changer for Rentals

“Anew Surface refinished the yellow and green colored wall tile in the kitchen of the property to a beautiful white! The results are stunning. The kitchen is instantly modernized and appears larger. It would have cost much more to remove all tile not to mention the time involved. They were prompt, efficient, professional and I think the surface will continue to look good for years to come.” – Stephanie D.

Property managers across Cincinnati trust us to keep their rentals in top shape. With rental properties in high-demand neighborhoods like Over-the-Rhine and Walnut Hills, first impressions matter. Our refinished tubs enhance the appeal of these spaces while saving time and money for property owners.

A Small Touch That Made a Big Impact

“They were great! Affordable and very professional! My tub looks beautiful!” – Amber B.

We love reviving historic treasures! If your home features a vintage bathtub that’s seen better days, our refinishing services can preserve its timeless appeal while restoring its functionality and beauty.

Why Customers Keep Coming Back

Clear communication, attention to detail, and stunning results are some of the reasons why Cincinnati residents trust us with their bathtub projects. Whether it’s a homeowner preparing for the East Walnut Hills House Tour or a property manager trying to boost tenant satisfaction near Mt. Adams, our team delivers refinishing solutions tailored to their goals.

See the Difference in Cincinnati Homes

Are you considering bathtub refinishing? Don’t just take our word for it—our customer reviews speak volumes about the care and expertise we bring to every project. From assisting families in Westwood to helping property managers in downtown Cincinnati, we’ve built lasting relationships rooted in trust and quality work.

Contact Anew Surface Today!

Experience the difference our customers are raving about. Visit our website to learn more about our professional bathtub refinishing services in Cincinnati. Whether you’re a homeowner or property manager, we’re here to make your bathroom look its absolute best.

Discover why your neighbors have chosen Anew Surface to transform their spaces with care and precision. Click below to schedule your free consultation today!

[krispyweiss]

Little Feat with Los Lobos at PNC Pavilion, Cincinnati, Ohio, June 18, 2024

When writing about a two-band gig, journalistic norms dictate leading with the headliner. But where Little Feat and Los Lobos are concerned, such guidelines are bunk.

For on June 18 at Cincinnati’s PNC Pavilion, support act Lobos, a band with its core quartet in place for 51 years, was the brightest star on a stage shared with the recently reconstituted Feat, with original keyboardist and onstage traffic cop Bill Payne; Dixie Chicken-era members Sam Clayton (percussion) and Kenny Gradney (bass); Let it Roll arrival Fred Tackett on guitar, mandolin and trumpet; and new additions Tony Leone on drums and Paul Barrere vocals and Scott Sharrard on guitar and Lowell George vocals.

What the fans who filled some one-third of the venue’s 4,000 seats received in return for braving the outdoor sauna was an hour from one of America’s longest-running and stable bands - horn/keyboard man Steve Berlin joined in 1982 - and 90 minutes from the world’s-best Little Feat tribute act with members of Los Lobos sitting in on multiple cuts.

It was still near 90 degrees when Los Lobos wrapped at 9 p.m., yet the fans dancing to the Grateful Dead’s “Bertha,” which morphed out of “Not Fade Away,” rewarded the group with a standing ovation. And Cesar Rosas (guitar, percussion, vocals), Conrad Lozano (bass), Louie Pérez (guitar, jaraña, drums), David Hidalgo (guitar, accordion, vocals), Berlin and touring drummer Alfredo Ortiz earned the accolades with a career- and-genre-spanning set bridging decades, cultures and influences.

The sextet opened with “Flat Top Box” and “Love Special Delivery” from 2021’s covers album, Native Sons, songs that featured Berlin’s baritone saxophone underscoring the 1950s vibe. Hidalgo’s Hendrixian guitar solo on the latter added trippy color to the song Rosas typically calls “LSD.”

It was off to the stratosphere from there with Lozano, who spent the gig seated on his amp, and Ortiz signaling a deep-pocketed “Dream in Blue” with an extended sax solo from Berlin. Rosas was on maracas and Pérez on jaraña for “Maricela,” instrumentation that would be reprised later on “Chuco’s Cumbia.”

Jazz was the hallmark of a 10-minute plea for peace on “The Neighborhood;” blues and a dedication to John Lee Hooker on “Don’t Worry Baby;” and the band looked to the East (“Kiko and the Lavender Moon”) and South (“Georgia Slop”) when Hidalgo strapped on a squeezebox and Pérez retuned temporarily to his original spot behind the kit.

Though Lobos’ opening set was necessarily truncated, Berlin, Hidalgo and Rosas had more stage time to come, as each sat in during Feat’s performance, bookended with “Fat Man in the Bathtub” and “Feats Don’t Fail Me Now.” Harmonica blower Michael LoBue also appeared for “Mellow Down Easy” (with Hidalgo) and “Long Distance Call” (Rosas) from Sam’s Place, the band’s 2024 blues covers album with Clayton on lead vocals.

These songs, Payne’s “Oh Atlanta,” and 1988’s “Hate to Lose Your Lovin’” sounded like the band that recorded them, as Sharrard (Gregg Allman Band) is more adept at channeling Craig Fuller than George.

Other tracks from Feat’s golden era were less successful. “Willin’” featured a mandolin solo and was akin to John Mayer singing “Ripple” for Dead & Company; Leone (Chris Robinson Botherhood) didn’t quite capture the essence of “Old Folks Boogie;” and “Dixie Chicken” - outfitted with trumpet, bass and synth solos - lost its momentum in the gratuitous showcases.

But “Cold, Cold, Cold,” “A Apolitical Blues,” “Spanish Moon” and “Skin it Back” - the latter two with Berlin reading charts from a piece of paper taped to a mic stand and honking on a baritone sax - almost sounded like Little Feat. Not quite. But almost.

In the end, Los Lobos met the absurdly high expectations that come with being the best live band in America on any given night, while Little Feat exceeded the more-modest hopes for a group of veterans and ringers.

Grade card: Little Feat with Los Lobos at PNC Pavilion - 6/18/24 - B/A

6/19/24

[rabbitcruiser]

National Rubber Ducky Day

According to Sesame Street’s calendar, January 13 marks the birthday of Rubber Duckie, the bathtub toy of Ernie. The day has since become celebrated as Rubber Ducky Day. Rubber Duckie first appeared on Sesame Street Episode 0078, on February 25, 1970; Ernie was in a bathtub in a room that resembled his living room, and sang the song, “Rubber Duckie.” The most popular version of the song was sung by Ernie in Episode 0136, on November 16, 1970. This time he was in a bathroom with a plain blue background. Jim Henson was the real voice behind the song, and it went to #16 on the Billboard “Hot 100 Singles” chart in 1970 as well. Ernie, either by himself or with other characters, has sung other songs about his rubber duckie such as “Put Down the Duckie,” “D-U-C-K-I-E,” and “Do De Rubber Duck.”

Rubber toys first appeared in the late 1800s, as the rubber industry began to grow. The first rubber ducks were not intended to float, but were instead made to be chew toys. A patent for a “Hollow rubber toy” was filed in 1925 and granted in 1928; it included a picture of a floating duck. Peter Ganine made a sculpture of a duck and then patented it. He filed for his patent in 1947 and received it two years later. Over 50 million of the ducks were sold. By the late 1940s rubber duckies were popular, but Ernie’s “Rubber Duckie” song increased their popularity even more a few decades later.

Nowadays rubber duckies are usually not even made of rubber, but of thick vinyl instead, which is cheaper and more durable. Most are made to squeak and have a bright orange bill. They are sometimes made into characters; some are made to look like they have a profession, or are politicians or celebrities. Some wind up and “swim,” while others glow in the dark, light up, or change color. The largest rubber duck was made by Dutch artist Florentijn Hofman in 2007. Its dimensions were 54ft x 66ft x 105ft, and it weighed about 1,300 pounds. Besides people making giant rubber ducks, some people also collect them.

Rubber duck races take place to raise money all around the world. When people sponsor a duck, money is donated to an organization. Ducks are dumped into a river or other body of water, and the first duck to cross the finish line wins a prize for its sponsor. Hundreds of rubber duck races are held in the United States and internationally. The largest one in the United States is the Freestore Foodbank Rubber Duck Regatta in Cincinnati, Ohio. The rubber duck was inducted into the Toy Hall of Fame in 2013. The Hall of Fame “recognizes toys that have inspired creative play and enjoyed popularity over a sustained period.” New toys are added each year.

On January 10, 1992, close to 29,000 Friendly Floatees from a Chinese factory washed off a ship. Friendly Floatees are bathtub toys, and the ones that fell off the ship consisted of yellow ducks, blue turtles, red beavers, and green frogs. Two thirds of the toys floated south and ended up in Australia, South America, and Indonesia. The other third went up to Alaska and then circled back towards Japan. Many became trapped in Arctic ice in the Bering Strait. They moved through it at the pace of about a mile a day, and made it to the North Atlantic in 2000. Some arrived on the Eastern coast of the United States and Canada around 2003 and 2004, and most of the rest of them arrived in the United Kingdom in 2007.

How to Observe

The best way to celebrate the day is to take a bath with a rubber duck. You should also listen to “Rubber Duckie” and watch Ernie singing the song on Sesame Street. You could also look for rubber duck races to sign up for, and read Moby-Duck: The True Story of 28,800 Bath Toys Lost At Sea.

Source

[dawnowar]

Got the upstairs cleaned up after my unintentional home improvement projects of the last few days. I have both heat and water again! Yay! The basement still needs some cleanup but I always clean the basement for real once a year after Bockfest 🐐(which is essentially my Birthday party) so I'm going to put that off. My actual birthday is next Friday but I'm in the Birthday zone already so let's begin with the celebrating 🎈 Going to Cincinnati tonight for the 5th Sausage Queen preliminary round to see who gets crowned Arnold's Princess this year. 🌭👑 Then all 6 of us Princesses will compete for Queen at Bockfest in two weeks. I'm going to watch Severance in the bathtub now and then head down to Cincy!! See you there!! @bockfestsausagequeen

[stickystrangercoffee]

Transforming Your Sanctuary: Bathroom Remodeling in Cincinnati

Embarking on a bathroom remodeling project can be an exciting yet daunting task. Whether you're looking to update the style, increase functionality, or create a personal oasis, the process involves careful planning and attention to detail. In Cincinnati, homeowners have numerous options for transforming their bathrooms into modern, comfortable spaces that suit their individual needs.

Understanding Bathroom Remodeling Services

When considering bathroom remodeling in Cincinnati, it's essential to grasp the range of services offered by professionals such as Baths R Us. From bathtub installation to complete bath renovations, these services encompass various aspects of remodeling designed to enhance both the aesthetics and utility of your space.

Revitalizing Spaces with Acrylic Solutions

A popular choice among Cincinnati residents is the use of acrylic showers and tubs. Acrylic offers durability and ease of maintenance while providing a sleek and contemporary look. Acrylic wall systems are another sought-after option due to their seamless appearance and resistance to mold and mildew—a common concern in bathroom environments.

Customized Bath Refits for Every Home

Every homeowner has unique requirements when it comes to bathroom renovations. A customized bath refit allows for personalized solutions tailored to individual tastes and preferences while maximizing space efficiency. This could include bathtub replacement or more complex modifications like bathtub-to-shower conversions.

Enhancing Comfort with Bath Surrounds and Conversions

Bath surrounds provide an instant uplift to any bathroom setting. They not only contribute aesthetically but also offer practical benefits like additional insulation and water protection. For those who prefer showers over baths, bathroom conversions can transform an existing bathtub into a functional shower space without compromising on style.

Navigating Bathroom Design Choices

Navigating through numerous design choices can be overwhelming for many homeowners. Professional guidance in bathroom design ensures that every element—from color schemes to fixtures—harmonizes with your vision for the perfect bathroom remodel.

Achieving Elegance with Bathtub Replacements

Replacing an old or worn-out bathtub can instantly rejuvenate a tired-looking bathroom. With a myriad of styles available, from classic freestanding tubs to modern alcove designs, bathtub replacements are integral components of any comprehensive bathroom remodel in Cincinnati.

Seamless Integration with Bathroom Conversions

Converting unused bathtubs and showers is not only about saving space but also about adapting your home to meet changing mobility needs or lifestyle preferences. These conversions should be handled by skilled professionals who ensure seamless integration with existing plumbing and architecture.

In conclusion, undertaking a bathroom remodeling project in Cincinnati opens up a world of possibilities for homeowners seeking enhanced comfort, improved functionality, or simply a fresh new look for their private retreat. By leveraging the expertise of professionals like those at Baths R Us who offer comprehensive services from acrylic tub installations to full bath renovations—residents can achieve their dream bathrooms tailored precisely to their desires and requirements without compromising on quality or aesthetic appeal.

Baths R Us

Address: 4770 Interstate Dr, Glendale, Ohio, 45246, US

Phone: 513-995-8863

Email: info@bathsrus.com

Visit our profiles:

Baths R Us - Facebook

Baths R Us - YouTube

Baths R Us - Instagram

[cincinnatihandyman]

Budget Bathroom Remodel: 7 Ways to Save and Upgrade

Remodelling your bathroom can improve the way your room feels and appears while also raising the value of your house. And you certainly want to take the most economical and effective route possible if you're about to remodel your bathroom. But there are several typical mistakes that homeowners make that wind up costing more than they should. We've put together a list of bathroom remodel cost-saving suggestions to assist you steer clear of them.

Prepare a budget

Initially failing to account for a budget is one simple way to find oneself overspending!

You could think you can afford to spend more on an expensive vanity if you don't budget for each step of the process, but you can find yourself short on funds in the last stages of your renovation. Moreover, making a strategy, talking about it with a contractor, and researching online will assist you in determining which phases in your plan are important and where you can cut costs.

Make sure your plan and budget are reasonable. Make sure your expectations are in line with reality if you're working with a handyman in Cincinnati.

Explore DIY option

You might think that doing a project yourself will save you the most money. But some things are best left to the experts.

You might be able to save a significant amount of money on the remodel if you can do some parts of it on your own, depending on the project and your level of experience. Reconstruction, painting, and tile work are common areas where do-it-yourself projects are simpler. But keep in mind that difficult tasks in doing cheap renovations for bathroom, such as installing new shower hardware or electrical wiring, might be trickier and riskier than you think. Going with an expert from the beginning, before you get into your head, could be quicker and less expensive.

Stick to one layout

Even though you might be tired of the way your bathroom is set up, remodelling it will be far more expensive. You will save a ton of money if you can stay away from moving the plumbing and electrical wiring.

Avoid short-term enhancements

It can be alluring to browse Pinterest and base your remodel design on the newest styles of the season. But in just five years, this could mean that your bathroom is out of style and in need of renovation.

Long-term cost savings can be achieved by sticking with classic styles and trends. Neutral colors, stone or ceramic accents, and an all-white motif are examples of timeless design styles.

Refresh then replace

One fool proof, cost-effective bathroom remodelling suggestion is to, if possible, refurbish and refresh rather than replace.

Do you truly need a new toilet, for instance? Would a new lid and seat improve its appearance and texture? Do you require a brand-new shower or bathtub? Or is it possible to restore the one you already own to like-new condition?

Sometimes all it takes to restore cabinets to their original state is fast sanding, repainting, or refinishing. If your bathroom has tile, deep cleaning and regrouting the tile can help give it a fresh vibe.

Keep drywall whenever possible

Try not to tear down all of your old drywall and instead save it where you can. Costs will definitely be reduced by doing this, but it may also be more challenging.

It's possible that the drywall in older bathrooms has collected moisture, concealing mildew and mold. You will have to replace it in this scenario. However, installing new paint and leaving clean, fresh drywall in places in your bathroom can save you a significant sum of money. 

Look for repurposed stuff

Items that don't fit in bathrooms are a common result of low cost bathroom renovation. These eventually go out of style since they just don't fit the desired aesthetic.

Thankfully, you can take advantage of this by finding excess renovation goods on various portals or by asking your contractor if they have access to them. You can save money by buying extra grout, paint, tile, or other products.

The Conclusion

Looking to hire a professional handyman in Cincinnati Ohio for affordable bathroom renovation? Cincinnati Handyman is one of the pioneers in handyman services in Cincinnati and offers a wide range of services including drywall crack repair, bathroom remodeling, bathroom remodel in Cincinnati, touch-up painting, smart home installation, etc.

Disclaimer- The information provided in this content is just for educational purposes and is written by a professional writer. Consult us to know more about adopting an inexpensive bathroom remodel.

[wendyeve24]

Up To Heaven and Down To Hell

Chapter 7: Smoke on The Water (Part 1)

(A lot of smut in this chapter. Please take heed of the warnings listed above and proceed with caution! More chapters are coming soon! Please enjoy chapter 7!)

"I'm so glad you could make it Lexi, oh honey you look amazing!" Suze said as she hugged her.

"Thanks mom!"

"You all look amazing." Suze said as she drank some wine.

"Mom? Are you drunk?" Lexi asked.

"Oh no hun, I'm fine. Now go mingle, shoo!" Suze said as she shooed Lexi away.

Fez couldn't help but chuckle.

"Your mom really is-"

"A fucking mess? Yeah, I know." Lexi said.

"You seen your sister yet?" He asked.

"Yeah. She's over there at the bar. I... I'm not ready to talk to her yet." Lexi said as she turned to face Fez.

"Yeah, I get it. And you don't have to. Let's just try to have a fun night tonight?" He said as he held her from behind.

"Yeah, and let's not beat the shit out of anybody." Lexi joked.

"Hey, if he does or says some shit imma have to beat him and his family's ass again, shit. I showed up witchu ma, but ain't nobody said that I can't kick his ass if he come out his mouth with some bullshit. Besides, you havin' my babies Lexi I gotta protect y'all." Fez said in a low voice so only she could hear him.

"Alright papa bear, but be mindful... there's press around." Lexi said as she kissed Fez.

"Where the fuck were you Lexi?" Rue said as she came over to her friend, hugging her.

"Rue? Are you...?"

"High? Yeah... I uh smoked some pot with my fiancé. Holy shit I have a fiancé. Oh shit you haven't met him have you? Hey Elliot!" Rue called him over.

Elliot came over with a smile as he gazed at Lexi and Fezco.

"Hi. I'm Elliot. I take it you're Lexi and Fezco? Rue's told me a lot about you."

"It's nice to meet you Elliot." Lexi said as she shook his hand.

"Wassup man?" Fez greeted.

"Did I fucking tell you he's a rockstar? Did I mention that?" Rue asked.

"Oh wow! Really? That's awesome! Have you both decided on a wedding date?" Lexi asked.

"Not yet. We're just going with the flow for now." Elliot answered.

"Hey, take it a day at a time." Fez said.

As Fez and Lexi talked to Rue and Elliot, Ashtray hesitantly made his way over to Gia as Life On Mars by David Bowie played in the background.

"Uh... hi..." He said.

"Oh... Hey." Gia replied.

"Are you... uh... enjoying the party?"

"Yeah it's... it's fine. Are you?"

"I... just got here." Ash said.

"Oh, yeah... right."

"It's a good party though... so far."

"Yeah. Uh so... you... look nice tonight." Gia complimented.

"Oh, thanks. Uh you look really nice tonight too." Ash responded.

"Um, so... how long will you be in Cincinnati?"

"Just until tomorrow or somethin' like that. Why?"

"I uh... wouldn't mind seeing you again... or to talk to you... I-I mean if you want to! You don't have to-"

"I'd like that." Ash said with a smile.

"R-Really?"

"Yeah. You seem cool, Gia. I... wouldn't mind seeing you again either..." Ash replied.

Gia blushed with a smile on her face.

"Do you... wanna... go out sometime?" Ash asked as he scratched the back of his head nervously.

"Yeah. I'd love to." Gia said with a grin.

Ash released a relieved sigh he hadn't known he was holding in after hearing her say that.

"Groovy... So, Gia... what's it like in Kentucky?" He asked, his nerves starting to slowly melt away.

Custer had managed to get to one of the downstairs bathrooms to smoke some weed and stuffed the expensive porcelain soap dish in his pants thinking he could definitely sell it on the street and make a pretty penny when Faye burst into the bathroom since Custer forgot to lock the door.

"Fuck!" Custer clutched his chest dramatically.

Faye blinked in confusion.

"You startled me, I was about to fucking-" Custer looked up and saw that he was talking to Faye.

"Oh shit... hey..." He said as he stood up from his spot on the edge of the bathtub, taking a hit from his joint.

"Hi. Sorry. I thought the bathroom was like, empty because I have to uh... take a piss." Faye said.

"Oh... sorry, I'll uh... I'll leave then." Custer said apologetically.

"No, it's okay. You can stay." Faye said.

Custer's eyes nearly bulged out of his skull again.

"Woah... w-wait, y-you want me to stay in here while you pee... Faye, that's too freaky even for me." Custer said sheepishly.

Faye went over to the sink and put her purse on the countertop, opening it up and getting out a needle and a rubber arm tie.

"I don't actually have to pee." She said as she turned and sat down on the closed toilet lid before looking up at Custer.

"Ohhhh... oh. You're gonna shoot up, here?" Custer asked.

"Yeah, why not?"

"In your arm..."

"Yeah that's where I normally put it."

"You wanna have some fun?" Custer asked her as he approached.

"Sure." She said with a shrug.

"Ever put it in your thigh?"

"You can do that?" She asked with a shocked look.

"Yeah, want me to show you?"

Faye nodded and looked surprised when Custer got on his knees in front of her.

"Can I?" He asked.

"Go ahead."

His hand wandered up her thigh and up her dress before he moved her dress slightly up her thigh before realizing that she wasn't wearing panties.

"You don't wear panties?"

"I was a porno star. I hate panties."

"You were a porno star? Ever meet Linda Lovelace?"

"I actually did once... she was a fucking bitch... she ate good pussy though."

"Tell me... how many people have you fucked Faye?" Custer asked.

"I like can't remember. A lot though. Why?"

"Wanna add me to your body count?" He asked.

"...Yeah..." Faye said with a slight smirk.

"Great. What do you want me to do first, baby."

"Jam that fuckin' needle in my thigh while you eat me out, then I want you to fuck me." Faye demanded as she pulled up her dress all the way to fully expose her pussy.

"Fuck, I love you." Custer said as he sat up slightly and kissed Faye on the lips, throwing his blunt into the sink before taking the needle from her, removing the cap and jabbing it into her thigh as he kissed his way down and started eating her out as if it was his last meal.

"Oh, fuck yeah!" Faye cried out as she felt his tongue lapping at her pussy and the heroin start to flow into her veins.

Kat, Ethan and Jules were busy comforting Maddy when Lexi finally came over with Fez, Rue and Elliot.

"What happened Maddy?" Lexi asked as she sat down on the couch next to her.

Hey Jude by The Beatles started playing.

"Your sister is an absolute cunt. That's what happened. She just threw away our friendship. She doesn't wanna be friends anymore because I keep seeing the bad in her husband or whatever." Maddy said with tears in her eyes.

"What!?" Rue said.

"That's it. I'm gonna talk to her. This has gone too far." Lexi said as she got up, Fez followed her.

"Beat her ass Lexi!" Rue called after her.

Lexi stormed over to where Cassie was sitting at the bar.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Lexi asked.

Cassie turned around and glared at Lexi.

"Leave me alone, Lexi." She said coldly.

"No. This has got to stop. You need to get help. Everyone that cares about you is trying to help you but you need to help yourself first and you can't even fucking see that. Cassie, he's going to kill you if you don't get out of this marriage now, do you understand?" Lexi pleaded firmly.

"Shut the fuck up Lexi!" Cassie yelled loud enough for everyone to hear, including the press.

Across the room, Nate shot her an angry glare before approaching her and scooping her out of her seat and ignoring Lexi.

"Alright babe... you've had enough to drink. It's almost time for dinner anyways." He said loud enough for others to hear.

"Sorry about that everyone, you'll have to excuse us." Nate said apologetically before leaning down and whispering into Cassie's ear.

"You're in so much goddamn trouble. After the party I'm fucking punishing you, you dumb bitch." He snarled.

He made a signal to the Disc Jockey to turn the music off before he tapped a glass with a nearby utensil.

"Alright everyone, thank you to all The Eastern Sector Organization Members for attending tonight. The Jacobs Family are very happy to have you all here. If you all will follow me and my lovely wife out into the backyard to the banquet table for tonight's dinner where we will also have some very important announcements to make!" He said with a smile as he led a somewhat intoxicated Cassie out to the backyard with the press and all of their guests in tow.

Well... almost all of their guests.

"Holy fucking shit, Faye!" Custer was literally gasping for breath as Faye rode him on the edge of the bathtub, a filthy wet slapping sound resounding throughout the bathroom as she fucked him.

"Ooh yes! You like that?" Faye moaned as she kept riding him.

"Fuck yeah, keep going baby! I'm gonna cum!"

She held onto his shoulders to use as leverage as she brought herself on and off of his cock continuously.

"Oh Hell yeah! I'm cumming!" Custer groaned out as he threw his head back and came inside of Faye.

"Oh yes!" Faye cried out as she felt him fill her up with his cum which only made her orgasm hard. Her hips stuttered as she came which made Custer start to lose his balance on the edge of the tub suddenly and fall into the empty bathtub with Faye on top of him who had fallen in with him. They were lucky no water was in the tub... for a few moments anyways because Faye had tried to get up after they both fell in but she had grabbed the tub faucet and the water knobs that ended up spraying out cold water onto herself and Custer by accident.

Ali was outside of the bathroom when he heard what sounded like someone falling and he knocked on the door.

"You alright in there?" He asked frantically.

Neither Faye nor Custer answered as the cold water sprayed onto them, Faye tried turning the knobs and the hot water came on instead... and it was scalding hot which caused both Faye and Custer to scream for a different reason... and that reason was most certainly not out of pleasure.

"I'm coming in!" Ali said and he bust into the bathroom just in time to see a very naked Custer and Faye who were both high in the now steaming hot bathtub screaming because of the hot water.

"What the fuck is going on in here!?" Ali yelled.

"Turn it off man! Can't reach the damn knob!! Turn the water off, please!?" Custer screamed.

Ali immediately went over to the tub and turned the water off.

"Fucking shit! Faye! Why did you hit the goddamn knob!?" Custer yelled as he wiped some water out of his eyes.

"It was an accident! I didn't know you were gonna fall back on your ass like that! Nobody has ever like fallen backwards when I rode them before, that was so fucking unexpected..."

"I can't fucking believe this is the second time I'm gonna have to say this shit this week, but put your goddamn clothes back on!" Ali yelled before he threw his hands up in defeat and left the bathroom.

"What's his problem?" Faye asked as she turned around and started to get up out of the tub.

"He caught the rockstar he manages fucking his fiancé in his car." Custer explained as he got out of the tub and rubbed his now sore shoulder and lower back since he had taken the brunt of the fall.

"Oh. That's hot." Faye said as she put her dress back on.

"Uh, don't you wanna dry off?" Custer asked as he dried his hair and his body off with a towel.

"I'm better when I'm wet." Faye said as she put the empty heroin needle into her purse and smiled at Custer before leaving the bathroom.

Custer started putting his clothes back on and hid the soap dish he was stealing in his pocket before looking down at his crotch.

"We can definitely both agree on something... she really is better when she's wet." He said to his crotch before disposing of the ashed out blunt that was in the sink and left the bathroom.

"Where the fuck were you?" Marie asked Faye as she sat down at the huge banquet table in the backyard, sitting in her designated seat that had her name on a paper placard that sat neatly on a plate.

"Uh getting fucking high and fucking?" Faye said.

"You're a real skank, ya know that?" Marie said as she shook her head.

Faye shrugged wordlessly as Ashtray, Fez and Lexi sat on her left.

Fez and Lexi were the closest to the head of the table where Nate and Cassie sat.

Custer, Elliot, Rue, Jules, Ali, Leslie, Gia, Ethan, Kat, Maddy and Suze sat on the right side of the table, while a few members of the press, Aaron, Marsha, Cal, Marie, Faye, Ashtray, Lexi and Fezco all sat on the left side of the table.

The first course was served, Five Mushroom Barley Soup.

"This looks like dishwater mixed with shit chunks." Ash said quietly.

Gia who was sitting across from him, heard him and almost choked on her soup as she tried to stop herself from laughing.

"Ash... be classy, man. Shut the fuck up and eat." Fez chastised in a quiet voice so only his brother could hear him.

Maddy leaned over to whisper into Kat's ear.

"How do we know this son of a bitch isn't poisoning us?"

"Dammit Maddy, why do you make such good points?" Kat whispered back as she immediately stopped eating her soup and put her hand on Ethan's arm, signaling for him to put his spoon down.

"Alright, but I'm eating the next course. I'm starving goddammit." Ethan whispered to Kat.

After the first course was over... well, for the ones who had even decided to eat it, Nate stood up, clinking his glass with his spoon to get everyone's attention.

"Alright, like I said before I'm very happy to have everyone here in my home. Cassie is also extremely happy as well, and she wants to apologize for her outburst earlier." Nate said before turning his attention to Cassie, looking down at her.

Cassie stood up and took a deep breath.

"Yes, I'd like to apologize for my behavior. It was very unbecoming of me, and I hope you all accept my apology." She said.

Some of the guests had given her concerned looks while others gave her looks of confusion.

"Good. Now, you all might be wondering exactly why you're all here tonight. And well, I've got your answer... but first... I wanted to talk about... family. We are all family... each and every one of us here. We all love each other like family, we might not get along just like how some families are... but at the end of the day we are all family because two universal things unite us all... and that is God and The Organization." Nate said proudly.

"Amen! I'll drink to that!" Suze exclaimed as she drank from her fifth glass of wine that night.

"I'm going to get a little solemn here for a second if you all don't mind... but, we lost the man we all looked up to recently... and that man was none other than our leader, The Great One, Carl Waldorf Aspen. May he rest in Heaven." Nate continued with a sad look on his face.

Some of the guests nodded solemnly, while others sat still.

"He was a great man. Oh yes, a great great man... but he's gone now. So... we have an Organization but we have no one to lead us... no one to guide us... who will do that? Well... I have your answer. Carl came to me from Heaven and he told me from his own lips, may he rest in peace, that he truly believes that The Organization cannot go on without a new leader and he told me... Nate... you're the chosen one. I told him, he's made a mistake. But no! He insisted! He put his Heavenly hand on my shoulder and said that I am the chosen one to guide The Organization to salvation and that I am the one he wanted to lead you all the entire time. Then... he disappeared in a flash of Heavenly light and from then on I knew what I had to do! Gather everyone here and tell them our beloved leader's words from his own lips! And from this day forward, I vow to do no wrong, no harm, to anyone or anything in our precious Organization. You, my brothers and sisters are my family and I am your father! Let us praise God on this joyous night!" Nate said as he raised his glass.

Everyone else raised their glass in salute or just because they felt they had to.

"And now... my first two acts as your leader is to make another special announcement... Cassie?" He gazed at her with a plastered on smile.

She rose to her feet again with her own glass raised.

"My wonderful husband... the current father of our beloved Organization. I love you with all my heart and soul, and my heart is big enough to include all of you in it... from this day forth, I am your mother. And, I am also going to become a mother..." She trailed off, her voice proud as she placed her hand on her belly.

"Heirs to our wonderful Organization are going to be born... our miracles. Twins."

Everyone gasped. Lexi's jaw dropped. Cassie was pregnant? She was having twins?

"What the fuck!?" Maddy cried out.

Cassie shot a defiant look at Maddy.

Maddy turned away and shook her head in disbelief and disgust.

"Oh my baby is going to have babies!" Suze cried out happily.

"I love you." Nate said to Cassie as he kissed her, some cheered while others didn't.

Cassie sat back down with a smug look on her face.

Nate continued on with his speech.

"My next order of business... is... shameful, but... it must be done because I love each and every one of you and I wish only to protect you all from harm."

Ashtray rolled his eyes.

Ali shifted in his seat uncomfortably. This Organization shit was really too much for him to stomach at times, and this was one of those moments.

Lexi gazed at Fez who had his eyes narrowed as he watched Nate, who gazed directly at them.

Cal took a sip of his wine, smirking as he did so.

"It has come to my attention, that some people have not been honest in telling The Organization, their family... what exactly they do for a living. I mean, if you lie about what you do for a job, then what the Hell else are you lying about? And that brings me to something that... breaks my heart..." Nate said as he started to get choked up.

Rue crinkled her nose in disgust at the terrible acting that Nate was doing... well, terrible in her eyes, not so much the press who was eating up his every word.

"It's the one's closest to you that hurt you the most... and I've made a decision... I'm going to tell you all everything about The O'Neill's." He said as he pointed directly at them.

Kat, Maddy, Leslie and Gia gasped.

Lexi immediately turned pale.

What the fuck was going on?

Ash grabbed his spoon and held it tightly in his hand as he glared daggers at Nate. He'd scoop his fucking eyes out if he said something else.

Marsha and Cal smirked at each other as Aaron looked on, impressed with his brother Nate.

Fez sat there silently, watching Nate's every move. He wanted to let Nate talk his shit first before he kicked the tall man's ass again.

"The O'Neill's are drug dealers. They ruin lives and kill innocent youthful people by giving them drugs that rot their brains, destroy their lives and send them to early graves. Marie O'Neill is their kingpin... or should I say queenpin? She taught Ashtray how to fight, how to kill and how to deal drugs...but was he the first one she took under her little illegal wing? No. Fezco O'Neill her grandson, was the first one she taught all of that to... and because he was the first, who's not only in charge of their wealthy store but also their drug dealing operations! He's robbed people, he's sold youths dope, he's killed people before, ladies and gentlemen we have a fucking criminal sitting here at our table with his wife who is just as guilty! Cassie? Do you wanna chime in on this one?" Nate said.

Cassie stood up and grinned.

"Gladly. Here we have Lexi O'Neill. I knew her as Lexi Howard. She's my sister... was my sister. She willingly allowed my husband to get attacked by her criminal murderer husband! He could have killed him! But you just stood there like nothing ever even happened... you're just as bad as he is, Lexi. And because of that... you deserve punishment... you and your criminal family!" Cassie yelled.

Nate took over from there.

"Yes... punishment, and that punishment is this... banishment. Banishment from The Organization. You deserve nothing from us, you should wallow in your pit of illegal activities and sin. But... you will also repent..."

Lexi had tears streaming down her face, which only made Fez even angrier. Marie's jaw clenched as she held onto Ash so he wouldn't do anything stupid. Faye sat there dumbfounded.

"And your repentance is this..." Nate gestured to Aaron and Aaron pulled two polaroid pictures out of his pocket, passing both down the table until it reached Nate where he held them up.

"Everything you held dear... is gone."

Fezco's eyes widened as he saw the pictures and got up in one swift movement and snatched them out of Nate's hands.

It was a picture of the store, of MILK on fire. And the second picture was of the cops outside of the O'Neill's residence.

"Now I made a deal with the police to not have you all arrested, but... if hands are laid on me I'll be pressing charges... charges I don't think you all will be able to afford now."

Fezco felt cornered his breathing heavy as he ripped the pictures up.

"You gon pay for everything you've done to my family, my wife..." Fez turned to look at Cassie.

"And her sister."

Maddy clapped as she stood up.

"Yeah! Like abusing her for instance?" She cried out gazing directly at Nate.

"Or having her ask permission just to talk to us?" Kat said.

"Or making her hang up the phone so she's completely isolated from us!" Rue yelled.

"Yeah!" Jules agreed.

"Or talking shit about someone's wife for absolutely no reason." Ethan said as he stood up.

"You're so fucking mean! I don't like mean people!" Faye yelled at Nate and Cassie from her seat as she got up.

"You tell em' babe!" Custer cheered on.

"Quiet!" Cal yelled as he got up.

"You and your family are out of The Organization! You can leave!" He yelled as he pointed at the O'Neill's.

Marie got up.

"I'd like to see you motherfuckers get us up outta here. We just flew all the way from Boston just to be here for this shit and now you all think you're doing something to us? Like what? And for what? I'll tell you motherfuckers somethin' right now! You don't fuckin' know me, or Ashtray, or Lexi, or Faye and her weird ass, or Fezco! How many of youse actually fuckin' cared? None! So, no we're not goin' nowhere, and if you think about puttin' a hand on me or any of my family... imma take this spoon and gouge your motherfuckin' eyes out and make you wish you had sat your dumbass down!" She growled.

"Come on! Who's man enough or woman enough to try us!? Who's first!? Come on! Don't be fuckin' pussies!"

Nate shook his head and laughed.

"You people have the tiniest brains ever. You've only succeeded in further ousting yourselves. Great job." Nate said.

Lexi had had it.

She took the remainder of her soup and splashed it onto Nate, some of it got on Cassie who screamed.

She then walked out with her head held high, she wasn't going to take this.

"Lexi!" Fezco yelled as he ran after her.

"I just wanna go home Fez! I don't fucking want any of this drama anymore!" She said, tears streaming down her face as he caught up with her.

"We ain't got a home to go back to, baby... but... I might be able to pull somethin' out my ass for us... we gotta find someplace for us. I ain't gonna have a wife and three kids out on the street." Fez said.

The front door to the house slammed and Fez and Lexi turned around to see Ethan.

"Sorry to interrupt but... I'm gonna help you guys out... if you want me to."

"Ethan... what is it?" Lexi said as she wiped her tears.

"There's a place in Virginia that I know about where you both can stay at. I've had this bit of land for a long time, never did anything with it... and you both can have it if you want. Its... basically farmland. If that's not what you guys are looking for I could-"

"Ethan..." Lexi looked at him before looking at Fez.

Fez looked at Lexi.

"You... wanna go and live in Virginia, ma? You... wanna have that Little House on The Prairie life I was talkin' bout?" He asked. He just wanted her to be sure that that was what she wanted.

Lexi smiled at her husband.

"I want that. I want you. I want our kids. I just want everything to be... simpler... better." She said.

She then looked at Ethan and nodded.

"We'll take it."

She gazed at Fez before going back into the house with him.

Lexi went back into the backyard with her husband.

"Alexandra! You apologize to your sister right now!" Suze scolded. She had been trying to do damage control with the press for the last several minutes.

Lexi remained standing with an unreadable look on her face.

"Alright... I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you're way too brainwashed to see the gravity of your situation, I'm sorry that your children... your little miracles are going to be raised by two psychopaths. I'm sorry that you had no choice but to marry a pathetic, disgusting, abusive, manipulative son of a bitch. And... I'm sorry that you're never gonna get a chance to meet your three nieces and nephews because you're so caught up in an abusive relationship." Lexi said.

Once the dots were connected, everyone gasped.

"W-What? What did you just say?" Cassie asked, completely taken off guard by that last part.

"You heard me. You all heard me." Lexi said defiantly.

"You're pregnant!?" Rue yelled.

Lexi nodded.

"She's having three babies." Faye chimed in.

"Congratulations Lexi and Fez!" Maddy said happily.

Cassie was fuming and so was Nate.

"Alright! Enough! Dinner is over! Thank you all for coming, see your way out and after tonight... The O'Neill's are officially banned from The Organization. Effective immediately. Have a nice night, and may God bless you all. Goodnight." Nate said before raising his glass and drinking the last bit of his wine before turning and going back into the house with Cassie.

It wasn't long until all the guests were on their way out and the press had decided to leave with Cal, Marsha and Aaron who were out to do their own damage control for the Jacobs Family.

Lexi put her fur coat back on with Fezco's help.

"I can't believe this, you're pregnant and your family is banned... I just can't believe it." Suze said to Lexi.

"It's better this way, mom. I don't think I need The Organization to feel whole." Lexi responded.

Suze shook her head before hugging Lexi.

"I'm so scared for your sister... she really isn't herself."

"I know you are mom, I know."

Suze, Maddy, Rue, Elliot, Kat, Ethan, Jules, Gia, Leslie, Ali and Custer all followed the O'Neill's out of the house.

"Where are you guys gonna go?" Elliot asked them.

Rue started to speak.

"Yeah. Lex, if you need to stay with us in Kentucky then-"

"No need. Ethan hooked us up with a place in Virginia." Fez said.

"Really?" Kat asked.

"Yeah. You know, that farm in Richmond that I told you about, the one my dad bought me and I never did anything with it?" Ethan said.

"Oh shit! That one! Yeah, he took me there once... it's really cozy. It just needs some proper maintenance done on the grounds but it's a quiet little place." Kat said.

"So you can count me out from visiting..." Maddy joked.

"Aw why Maddy?" Jules asked.

"I fucking hate being outside... except for at the beach."

"I think a quiet little farm away from all of that bullshit is a great idea." Marie said.

"Can we like, grow pot there?" Faye asked.

"I... don't know." Lexi answered.

"What do you think about the move, bro?" Fez asked Ash.

"The fuck are we? A reverse version of the Beverly Hillbillies?" Ash asked.

"I think it'll be good for us. Get the fuck away from a city for a change y'know?" Fez said.

"Fine. Just as long as I can get to Kentucky." Ash said.

"And what's in Kentucky for you?"

Ash stayed quiet, blushing a bit as Fez put two and two together.

"Oh..."

"Shut up! Don't say anything!" Ash said.

Gia giggled at him, which only made him blush harder.

"Alright well, it's about time for us to get going. Give me the info for your motel and I'll drive you guys to Virginia tomorrow." Ethan said.

"Yeah that sounds great. I hate we can't go back to Boston to get anything though." Lexi said.

"Yeah I know ma. But it's for the best." Fez said.

Everyone hugged and parted ways... all of them were oblivious to what was unfortunately going on in Cassie and Nate's bedroom, the radio cranked up loud enough to cover up anything going on in case someone was still loitering around.

Son and Daughter by Queen blasted through the radio.

"Nate... please..." Cassie croaked out as Nate squeezed her neck that was between his hands.

He then let her go before slapping across the face hard so she fell due to the impact.

"You fucking cunt! Your bitch of a sister tried to make me look like a goddamn joke in front of the fucking press!"

"I-I'm sorry! I didn't know she was gonna throw her soup and then come back and embarrass us! Please, Nate!?"

"Us? You fucking think I care about you in this situation? You're a goddamn after thought Cassie."

Cassie snapped.

"I'm carrying your babies! Your children! How do I not matter!?"

Nate's eyes widened before a dark look came across his face. He approached her slowly, staring at her crumpled form on the bedroom floor. He leaned down and grabbed her by her hair, his fingers digging into her scalp as he practically picked her up by her hair as she yelped out in pain.

"You do know that whores like you are a dime a dozen, right? I could fuck another girl right now, get her pregnant with my twins and the rest of The Organization wouldn't know the difference. You're expendable, Cassie... just like the wedding dress I ripped from your body on our first night together." He said in a low and dark tone of voice.

It was all just too much.

Cassie screamed a blood curdling scream.

"There you go. Scream all you fucking want to. Go ahead and cry too, it's what you fucking do best."

He practically threw her onto the bed and stood there watching her thrash around and scream. She then sat up on the bed, breathing heavily, her face was red and her mind was completely broken. Her mental breakdown had officially begun... or was it pent up rage mixed with liquid courage?

"What? You got anything else to fucking say?" Nate asked with a smirk with his arms crossed.

"Kill me."

That... took him off guard.

"What?" He asked.

"You heard me. I said fucking kill me! I know you wanna do it."

"Why the fuck would I kill you now? If I really have wanted you fucking dead I'd have killed you already."

"Oh no, you wanna kill me. You're doing it now. You're abusive! That's how you're killing me! By fucking hitting me and choking me and-"

"Shut the fuck up Cassie!"

Cassie's eyes went wide.

"Fuck you, Nate." She spat as she stared at him.

In a swift movement he lunged for her but she rolled out of bed, landing on her stomach and making a dash for the door before he pounced again and blocked her path.

"I might kill you now, just for that. You fucking bitch!" He spat as he punched her in the face.

She screamed before she started clawing at him, her nails leaving scratches on his neck that made him bleed.

He yelled out in pain as he caught her wrist and bit her hand.

"Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!" Cassie yelled as she started kicking before she kneed him in the crotch.

He fell to the floor yelling in pain and clutching his crotch, his nuts were hurting horribly.

"This isn't what I wanted! I wanted a good husband! A good marriage! Now my babies will only know pain and suffering like their mama!" Cassie said between sobs as she yelled at him.

Nate slowly got up before grabbing Cassie and throwing her on the bed again and holding her in place before he kneed her in her stomach as she screamed.

He took his pants off as he put all of his weight on her and ripped her dress off of her.

"I hate you! I fucking hate you!" She screamed into the mattress as he forced himself inside of her and started to thrust himself in and out, hard.

By the end of the night, their bedroom was in shambles, and they were leaning against each other in bed together. They were exhausted, bruised and bloody.

"You learned your lesson this time, didn't you?" Nate asked as he looked down at a battered Cassie.

Her lip was split, she had a black eye, her hair was messy, her nose was bleeding, her gut was in severe pain to the point where she felt as if she couldn't move, her hand was bleeding with bite marks in it, her cheek was red and scratched, her thighs had cuts on them and her neck, arms, legs, back and ass cheeks had angry blue bruises on them.

Not to mention, she had nearly lost her voice from screaming... or had she almost lost it by being choked so much?

She had done a number on him too, his balls were still hurting, the scratches on his neck were still bleeding and he was pretty sure that she might have kicked him in his ribs.

She nodded in absolute defeat. He had overpowered her in every way possible, and had unfortunately put a drunk and angry Cassie back in her rightful place... despite the cracks in their marriage that was beginning to show.

"We're so toxic..." Cassie managed to croak out, her voice raspy.

"And it works, because love is at the core of that toxicity. I love you, Cassie." He said, a twisted smile on his face.

A tear trickled out of her eye that wasn't black and almost swollen shut. A painful yet forced smile on her face as her lips bled.

"I love you too." She croaked out.

Before she drifted off to sleep, she made a mental note to make him the best breakfast in the morning and to go and see the doctor as soon as he left for work the next day... she could feel that something wasn't right.

End of Part One!

Link to part 2

[handeaux]

Booze, Jazz, Flivvers And Flappers Dominated Cincinnati’s New Year In 1924

One hundred years ago, it was easy, despite three solid years of Prohibition, to get a celebratory drink on New Year’s Eve in Cincinnati. The new year began with multiple fatal accidents, many blamed on liquor. The Enquirer [1 January 1924] wryly observed that venerable customs were honored only when thirst compelled:

“The fashion of making New-Year’s calls has gone out of style EXCEPT in those homes where they still have well-stocked cellars.”

Reporters from Cincinnati’s newspapers rang up the doctors at General Hospital to get a status report on the city’s accommodation to a nominally “dry” existence. Doctor Arthur Charles Bachmeyer, superintendent of the city’s hospital, did not disappoint. According to the Enquirer [1 January 1924]:

“Whisky, good or bad, pre-war or bootleg stuff, did not affect as many persons, visibly, during the year 1923, as were affected by it in 1922, according to records at the General Hospital, which show that there were but 61 cases of acute alcoholism treated there last year, as against 188 in 1922. However, Dr. A.C. Bachmeyer, Superintendent of the hospital, declared it to be his belief that alcohol and its use played a much more important role with regards to automobile accidents in 1923, than in the preceding year, and more persons examined after being injured in accidents, or after having injured others through reckless driving, showed symptoms of being under the influence of alcohol, than in previous years, according to reports made to Dr. Bachmeyer.”

If anything put a damper on New Year’s Eve celebrations a century ago, it wasn’t a dearth of booze. It was the weather. New Year's Eve 1923 was unseasonably frigid, with temperatures coasting around zero degrees.

Cincinnati, along with most of America, was still trying to accept the changes that automobiles were bringing into daily life. With all the complaints about scofflaws guzzling Sweet Lucy and bathtub gin, the Enquirer noted:

“Automobiles killed the most people. Bootleg whisky came next in deadliness. Ordinary diseases ran a poor third.”

The Enquirer noted that, across America in 1923, one million homeowners had taken on a mortgage to finance the purchase of an automobile.

There was a lot of talk in 1924 about “poison rum” and there was a lot of substance to that apparent hyperbole. By 1924, bootleggers had begun smuggling gallons of Jamaican ginger extract into the United States, much of it adulterated with an additive that, while smoothing the taste, acted as a long-term neurotoxin. A generation of men, if they survived, were crippled with a condition known as “Jake Leg.” A number of classic blues tunes have memorialized this awful side-effect of Prohibition.

In reviewing the past year, the Enquirer noted, with derision, the state of music at the dawn of the “Roaring Twenties”:

“There was no improvement in jazz. The craziest song in history made a fortune for its writer. The saxophone continued to grow in unpopularity.”

An article in the Enquirer [30 December 1923] just before the New Year’s revelries, predicted the merciful demise of jazz:

“This season already has witnessed a decided turn to the conservative, with the revival of the tango, which rapidly is displacing the weird jumblings of the one-step, fox-trot, toddle, and what-not, to the wild gyrations of a discordant orchestra.”

Fat chance! This was the heyday of The Flapper. A humorous squib in the Enquirer [30 December 1923] reported the supposed compliant of a mother who thought her daughter needed psychiatric intervention:

“‘Why doctor,’ wept the poor mother, ‘she hasn’t bobbed her hair, refuses to use rouge on her cheeks, never has used a lipstick, wears heavy underwear and high shoes all winter, thinks modern sex novels are unfit for her to read, plays old classical pieces and doesn’t know a note of jazz, prefers going to church to going to bridge parties or the theater and never thinks of calling her father or me down.”

In reviewing the past year, the Enquirer observed that long skirts were never going to return to style, despite the wailing of mothers everywhere. Not a single pair of cotton stockings was sold in the city as silk sheathed the Flapper’s legs. A generation of barbers earned enough to retire after trimming the locks of young ladies who craved the bobbed and marcelled hairstyles.

It has since become de rigueur for newspapers to roust boffins and mavens from their New Year’s Day hangovers to forecast major developments of the ensuing months. Cincinnati reporters had a field day with predictions for 1924 and the following decade because all the greatest minds in America, nearly the entire membership of the American Association for the Advancement of Science, had convened in the Queen City for its annual convention.

Dr. Edward P. Warner addressed the punditry with grave fears about the state of aviation in the United States. Although America excelled on adopting air transport for the delivery of mail, European nations were far exceeding the United States in passenger travel. Dr. Warner attributed this to Europe’s creation of national airlines, while our country allowed private corporations to dither away opportunities in petty squabbles.

Moses B. Cotsworth of the International Fixed Calendar League, told the AAAS that, by 1928, every new year henceforth would begin on a Sunday. Cotsworth’s league proposed a simplified calendar of 13 months, each containing 28 days, each month starting on a Sunday and ending on a Saturday, creating a fixed year of 364 days. The thirteenth month, named Sol, would be placed between June and July. The additional day would be a holiday named “Year Day.” In leap years, the extra day would fall after Saturday, June 28, as an anomalous addition before Sunday, Sol 1.

We are still waiting. Perhaps wiser minds realized that Cotsworth’s calendar would have created a Friday the Thirteenths during every one of those thirteen months.

[anewsurface]

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[altoidana]

[rabbitcruiser]

National Rubber Ducky Day

According to Sesame Street’s calendar, January 13 marks the birthday of Rubber Duckie, the bathtub toy of Ernie. The day has since become celebrated as Rubber Ducky Day. Rubber Duckie first appeared on Sesame Street Episode 0078, on February 25, 1970; Ernie was in a bathtub in a room that resembled his living room, and sang the song, “Rubber Duckie.” The most popular version of the song was sung by Ernie in Episode 0136, on November 16, 1970. This time he was in a bathroom with a plain blue background. Jim Henson was the real voice behind the song, and it went to #16 on the Billboard “Hot 100 Singles” chart in 1970 as well. Ernie, either by himself or with other characters, has sung other songs about his rubber duckie such as “Put Down the Duckie,” “D-U-C-K-I-E,” and “Do De Rubber Duck.”

Rubber toys first appeared in the late 1800s, as the rubber industry began to grow. The first rubber ducks were not intended to float, but were instead made to be chew toys. A patent for a “Hollow rubber toy” was filed in 1925 and granted in 1928; it included a picture of a floating duck. Peter Ganine made a sculpture of a duck and then patented it. He filed for his patent in 1947 and received it two years later. Over 50 million of the ducks were sold. By the late 1940s rubber duckies were popular, but Ernie’s “Rubber Duckie” song increased their popularity even more a few decades later.

Nowadays rubber duckies are usually not even made of rubber, but of thick vinyl instead, which is cheaper and more durable. Most are made to squeak and have a bright orange bill. They are sometimes made into characters; some are made to look like they have a profession, or are politicians or celebrities. Some wind up and “swim,” while others glow in the dark, light up, or change color. The largest rubber duck was made by Dutch artist Florentijn Hofman in 2007. Its dimensions were 54ft x 66ft x 105ft, and it weighed about 1,300 pounds. Besides people making giant rubber ducks, some people also collect them.

Rubber duck races take place to raise money all around the world. When people sponsor a duck, money is donated to an organization. Ducks are dumped into a river or other body of water, and the first duck to cross the finish line wins a prize for its sponsor. Hundreds of rubber duck races are held in the United States and internationally. The largest one in the United States is the Freestore Foodbank Rubber Duck Regatta in Cincinnati, Ohio. The rubber duck was inducted into the Toy Hall of Fame in 2013. The Hall of Fame “recognizes toys that have inspired creative play and enjoyed popularity over a sustained period.” New toys are added each year.

On January 10, 1992, close to 29,000 Friendly Floatees from a Chinese factory washed off a ship. Friendly Floatees are bathtub toys, and the ones that fell off the ship consisted of yellow ducks, blue turtles, red beavers, and green frogs. Two thirds of the toys floated south and ended up in Australia, South America, and Indonesia. The other third went up to Alaska and then circled back towards Japan. Many became trapped in Arctic ice in the Bering Strait. They moved through it at the pace of about a mile a day, and made it to the North Atlantic in 2000. Some arrived on the Eastern coast of the United States and Canada around 2003 and 2004, and most of the rest of them arrived in the United Kingdom in 2007.

How to Observe

The best way to celebrate the day is to take a bath with a rubber duck. You should also listen to “Rubber Duckie” and watch Ernie singing the song on Sesame Street. You could also look for rubber duck races to sign up for, and read Moby-Duck: The True Story of 28,800 Bath Toys Lost At Sea.

Source

[yesterdaysprint]

The Cincinnati Enquirer, Ohio, February 20, 1949

[baking-with-frank]

It starts, as so many things do, with a book. In this case, the cookbook of my Great Grandfather, Frank Rush.

I’d known the book all my life. Mom had shown it to us occasionally, always ending with “I’d love to make some of these, but I’d need a bathtub to mix them up!”

Frank was born in 1888, and grew up in the Cincinnati area. He married Cora Ruettinger, my Great-Grandmother, in 1911 and had three children-the youngest, also Frank (and my Grandfather) was born in 1916. Cora was a victim of the Spanish Flu Pandemic, dying in 1918. Frank remarried soon after to Effie.

He initially worked in the Edwin Effelmann Bakery in Cincinnati (which was eventually absorbed by the Klosterman Bakery, which still operates today), and then opened his own bakery later in life. We believe these recipes are from that timeframe, ending with his death in 1934.

As Mom approached her 75th birthday, the plan was to make some of the recipes she’d always talked about, with the help of friends who own a restaurant. Mom passed one month shy of her 75th.

This, then, is a way to hold on to Mom, to honor Frank, and to not make too big a fool of myself as I try to make some of Frank’s recipes-many of which likely haven’t been made in a century. And to have some fun along the way.

[hellodeanna]

Started this blog because 2020 has been enough of a shit show that I felt it was time to write out my aggressions instead of complaining to my husband for the billionth time this week...

it’s October and instead of being in our current home state of Arizona, both C and I have been furloughed until....? Well, the current political climate will tell. Our jobs (yes, we both work for the same non-profit) are reliant on the national park nearby, and because funding has been cut, parks aren’t fully open and people aren’t being the tourists they were pre-COVID19, we will stay stuck in this holding pattern for the near future.

Applying to jobs feel like a joke when you’ve been working in a field that is literally halted because of the lack of tourism... Who wants to hire someone with such a specific career path?? receptionist? assistant? data entry?? I hated working those lowly positions before, and surely don’t want to do it again, but to even receive responses that my job applications won’t be moving past the application stage is quite disheartening.

Someday, I’m sure I’ll want to remember this stage of my life; after all, I am a very newly wed person and this shit show of a year is and will be historic... I imagine my grandmother living through the great depression and feel like these circumstances are fairly similar, but I want to preserve my own facts for my future family. Writing it all down should help, and frankly there isn’t enough paper in my planner/journal to write down my anger and bitterness.

So here’s the details:

In March, we got word that a virus called COVID19 was slowly seeping through the country. Because Arizona is such an Asian tourist destination with the Grand Canyon being nearby, and iconic Horseshoe bend being just over the ridge in our backyard, we were afraid, but it didn’t feel truly real. I was working alone in the archives at that point and truly felt that I would be safe to do my job despite the suggested stay at home orders. Within in maybe 3 days(?) that changed and we were forced to stay home. C and I took it very seriously, barely going out for groceries, washing our clothes in the bathtub (hell nah, to the laundromat) and laying low. We baked bread, we slept late and on warmer days we’d escape to the middle of nowhere in the desert to streak. Food began to get scarce by the end of March, and we had to drive a hour north to Kanab for meat. Produce was lacking too, but we were actively trying to eat all the food we had first before we panicked about where to get vegetables.

As April snuck in, we ventured out to camp several times in the Glen Canyon Recreation Area and Grand Staircase Escalante, and then there were the fires that forced us back inside. I never did follow up to learn if the fires around Grand Canyon and the Kaibab Plateau were accidental (lightening strike) or purposeful (rumors of a propane tank exploding), but they ravaged so much of the area that some days looked cloudy from the smoke. Exploring the area post fire was truly unbelievable - ash fields for miles.

C and I cancelled our 4.24.2020 wedding ceremony - which part of me is grateful we avoided the money and the awkwardness of a ceremony, but another part of me is bitter that I didn’t get to dress up and celebrate the love of my life. It was always a funny joke to us that we actually elope on 4/20, so we did just that, and feasted on s’mores and hot dogs post courthouse. Blunts and dabs instead of a true champagne toast - just the way we liked it. Oh by the way, I had bought this dress for $1200 which I didn’t wear and we barely got photos so that’s the part that still haunts me, and causes the immense amount of bitterness I’ve been feeling (especially now that it’s october, the pandemic is still alive and well, and I keep seeing people getting married with 150+ people in attendance *MaSkLeSs* like covid isn’t a thing still) Buying a dress that I can’t wear feels like I should have just saved that money to use for this season of indefinite unemployment.

Right after our wedding, we tried to go camping in California - which didn’t totally go as planned because everything was shut down, so we were forced to airbnb it (not really complaining). I finally got to dip my toes in the Pacific ocean, and we saw millions of Joshua trees. And shortly after our impromptu honeymoon, we set off for Ohio. This time we took the long way round, diving through New Mexico, Texas (stopping at a container home air bnb outside Amarillo), Oklahoma, Missouri (stopping at a secluded cabin on a Missouri Fox Trot Horse farm), Illinois, Indiana and Ohio in our hometown of Cincinnati. We stayed for 14 days to ensure we weren’t sick and attended a funeral service for C’s grandpa, who actually died on thanksgiving of 2019. 

After our Cincinnati reunion we headed back to Arizona, but this time the northern route, going up through Illinois to make a pit stop to wave at my cousins in Chicago, staying at a fishing shack in Wisconsin on the Minnesota border, going through South Dakota and staying in Deadwood (surprisingly I LOVED South Dakota), and driving through all the best cities in Montana. The idea was originally to explore Montana to see if it was a contender for possibly moving there in the near future, but like California, MT was totally shut down - Yellowstone was completely shut off on the highways. So we headed back through Wyoming, Idaho, and through the northern part of Utah that I’d never seen before.

So hands down, the perk of covid19 has been the off-the-grid traveling I’ve done. At this point I think I only have nine states left to go to until I say I’ve been to all 50.

So blah blah blah, we headed back to Page to host a few friends in a camping excursion and by the time July rolled around C and I realized that staying in Page was not realistic. We’d run out of unemployment and with all the work piling up back in Cincinnati, we made the heartbreaking decision to take the basics and head back to Ohio.

Well, after over two months of working odd jobs in Ohio, we’re still here. There’s gross family drama here, and I feel like I’m a total leech. We’re pulling money out of savings - you know, the money we either got for our wedding or got in celebration of our wedding (for what we hoped would be a honeymoon fund). I’m bitter, can you tell? I have no idea what’s next...

I think that’s enough ranting for today, so I’ll sign off.

until next time, fuck everything

[handeaux]

Poppycock And Bunkum: Here Are 19 Myths That Cincinnati Refuses To Give Up

Cincinnati loves a good story, and we certainly have some doozies. Some of our favorite stories about our favorite town are actually true. Some of our dearest and most treasured stories, however, persist despite a complete lack of evidence and not an iota of proof. Among them:

Cincinnati is located upon seven hills. To be geologically technical, Cincinnati has no hills at all, only valleys. The central basin in which our downtown is located is surrounded by what geologists call an eroded peneplain. In other words, our town occupies a glacially scoured, level plain into which streams have cut a network of valleys. What we count as “hills” are just tongues of this surrounding plain extending into the central valley – and once we start counting those, there’s no stopping. One recent survey has identified at least 80 named Cincinnati “hills.”

A woman named Ida Martin, who lived in a hollow sycamore tree and did laundry for the soldiers at Fort Washington, gave her name to Mount Ida, later renamed Mount Adams. It is authentically reported, by an eyewitness, that a woman who did laundry for the soldiers at Fort Washington lived in a hollow sycamore tree on the slopes of what later became Mount Adams. However, that source does not give her name. There was a domestic servant named Ida Martin who lived on what later became Mount Adams, but this was long after Fort Washington had been demolished, this woman was not a laundress and she lived in a cabin, not a hollow tree. Mount Adams was previously known as Mount Ida, but that nickname was a reference to classical mythology, not to any woman who lived in the area. Somewhere along the line, these three separate facts got conflated into a treasured Cincinnati fable.

Arnold’s Bar opened on Eighth Street in 1861 and three generations of Simon Arnold’s family lived upstairs for 98 years (brewing gin in a bathtub). According to the Cincinnati City Directory, Simon Arnold indeed occupied part of a building on the north side of Eighth Street, just east of Main in 1861. However, he was not running a saloon. He was building billiard tables, because he was a carpenter until 1877. From 1856 to 1877, there was a saloon on the north side of Eighth Street, just east of Main, but it was run by George and Wilhelmina Weber, not anyone named Arnold. The Arnold family did not take over that saloon until 1877, when Wilhelmina Weber retired. From 1922 until 1933, no bar, saloon, speakeasy or restaurant operated out of that address at all. No one from the Arnold family lived in that building from 1926 until 1933. The story of Arnold’s founding date and continuous occupancy appears to have been embellished by Elmer Arnold in 1959 when he sold the venerable establishment to Ernst Wiedemann.

Carrie Nation, on a visit to Cincinnati, declined to smash any of the notorious Vine Street saloons, claiming, “I would have dropped from exhaustion before I had gone a single block.” Carrie Nation did, in fact, visit the Queen City at least twice. During her visits, she did not demolish a single saloon. She also gave numerous interviews while she was in town. In none of those interviews did she claim exhaustion prevented her from attacking Cincinnati saloons. Rather, she pointedly explained that she arrived here under a court-imposed performance bond she would forfeit if she demolished anything. The famous quote does not appear in print until 20 years after her Cincinnati visits.

Mark Twain said, “When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Cincinnati because it's always 10 years behind the times.” Everyone quotes Mr. Samuel Clemens and his eschatological analysis of the Queen City, but no one has ever provided a decent citation for it. The quote appears in none of his voluminous writings. To confuse matters, multiple scholars have found similar quotes attributed to quite a few famous folks about quite a few other cities. To further confuse matters, the quote sometimes appears as one sentence and sometimes as two sentences and the lag, while usually 10 years, is sometimes 20 years. In brief, if Mark Twain ever uttered such a comment, no one appears to have recorded it.

The Cincinnati subway failed because of poor design and cost overruns. In his exhaustive review of “Cincinnati’s Incomplete Subway” (2010), Jacob R. Mecklenborg notes that, despite the usual financial shenanigans of the Boss Cox political machine, Cincinnati’s Rapid Transit Loop project (which we know as the subway) was actually pretty well thought-out and potentially quite viable. Mecklenborg concludes that the newly elected Progressive city administration of 1925 could have saved the project but declined to do so to avoid giving the remaining Cox minions a victory. Most of the alleged shortcomings of the subway were actually unfounded Progressive propaganda from the 1920s.

Charles Manson attended Walnut Hills High School and/or used to hang out in Mount Adams. After his arrest and conviction in California, Cincinnatians suddenly began remembering Charles Manson’s early days in Cincinnati. Or, shall we say, misremembering? All the documentation – and Manson’s life has been inspected to the subatomic level – affirm that young Charles was shipped out of Cincinnati by age five, never to return. While it’s not impossible that he drifted through town from time to time, his high school years were spent in various reform schools. The period in which he allegedly hung out, swilling tequila in Mount Adams, find him involved in West Coast scams or serving time in California prisons. We can’t deny he was born here, but there’s no evidence Manson returned after an unhappy infancy.

Cincinnati Chili gets its distinctive flavor from chocolate. A great many Cincinnatians inaccurately yet vehemently insist that the secret ingredient to Cincinnati Chili is chocolate. Most “authentic” Cincinnati Chili recipes in print or online make this claim. The myth may be traced to Marion Rombauer Becker, who took over compiling the “Joy of Cooking” on the death of her mother, Irma Rombauer. Marion’s “Cincinnati Chili Cockaigne” recipe (the “Cockaigne” label signaled that the Rombauers served that dish at their home in Cincinnati) was the first to claim a dubious role for chocolate. As Cincinnati Chili maven Dann Woellert has repeatedly noted, the families who actually cooked and served our favorite dish deny there’s any chocolate involved.

Thomas Edison read every book in the old Ohio Mechanics Institute library. Young Tommy Edison spent a fruitful year in Cincinnati as a telegraph operator and he even did some tech support for the early Procter & Gamble. For a young inventor, the most useful resource in Cincinnati would have been the library of the Ohio Mechanics Institute, with 10,000 volumes on science and technology. However, to read every book, Edison would have had to consume 27 volumes a day and master a dozen languages. Edison sent an autographed photo to the Institute in later years, thanking them for allowing him to use the library and maybe that’s where the rumor started.

The first bathtub in the United States was installed in Cincinnati A satirical essay by H. L. Mencken, titled "A Neglected Anniversary," was published 28 December 1917, in the New York Evening Mail. Mencken claimed that the first bathtub in the United States was installed in a Cincinnati home by one Adam Thompson in 1842. Although this was totally “fake news,” it was repeated as truth many times over the next century and still pops up as “fact” online today.

Superman is buried in Spring Grove Cemetery The earthly remains of George Reeves, the actor who played Superman on television during the 1950s, were held in a vault at Spring Grove Cemetery for a couple of months in 1959 while his mother sorted out a permanent resting place. Although she wanted a mausoleum in Cincinnati, it proved impracticable. Reeves’ body was eventually cremated here and the ashes shipped to California, where they remain today.

UC’s Crosley Tower entombed an unfortunate worker during construction. Crosley Tower at the University of Cincinnati is a monument to brutalist architecture and is now scheduled for demolition. It was originally poured in 1969 as a single piece of concrete. Rumor has it that a workman fell in as the slurry was being pumped, and because the pour could not be interrupted without extravagant cost, he remains entombed there. Construction of this building was heavily documented and no one fell in. Rumors that workers dropped a Volkswagen into the mix while pouring are also false.

There’s a village of evil midgets out by Mount Rumpke. Although the rumor was disproved years before the alleged “Munchkinville” was demolished, there are still people who swear a “Tiny Town” of malicious little people exists out in Colerain Township. All the rumors trace back to the Handle Bar Ranch, originally a bicycle rental station later devoted to horse-drawn hayrides, owned by the late Percy and Anna Ritter. Mr. Ritter’s idiosyncratic architecture and Mrs. Ritter’s unusual décor inspired generations of high school students to mount midnight forays looking for munchkins. The alleged Tiny Town has been consumed by the expansion of the Rumpke waste disposal operation.

There is an exploded crematorium once used for Satanic rituals in Miami Heights. There is most definitely something out in the woods near Buffalo Ridge Road in Miami Heights, but it has nothing to do with Satan. After Cincinnati’s “fireproof” Chamber of Commerce building burned in 1911, the massive granite masonry was acquired by the Cincinnati Astronomical Society who hoped to build a world-class observatory overlooking Miamitown. Costs rose astronomically (ahem!) and then the Great Depression landed so the observatory got not much further than a foundation, a few walls and piles of randomly delivered used granite. It looked like a building had exploded out in the woods, hence the rumors. Some of the stones were salvaged to build a Stonehenge-like monument to architect H.H. Richardson in Burnet Woods. The rest have been swallowed by a county park.

Hordes of fanatics draped in “resurrection robes” climbed Cincinnati’s Brighton Hill, awaiting the end of the world in 1843 or 1844. Cincinnati was, indeed, a hotbed of Millerism in 1843. The Millerites, followers of New York preacher William Miller, did believe the world would end in 1843 or 1844. There are newspaper accounts of Millerites quitting their jobs and giving away all of their possessions and being very disappointed when the world did not end according to William Miller’s calculations. However, the scene of white-clad cultists perched on any of the local hills appears to be only rumor.

A Cincinnati doctor used to prescribe ketchup as medicine. While not entirely true, this legend is not entirely false, either. During the 1830s, a self-licensed Cincinnati “doctor” named Archibald Miles marketed a concoction he called “Miles’ Compound Extract of Tomato, the Genuine Tomato Pill,” derived from the fruit of tomatoes. This was back in the day when people were surprised to learn that the tomato, although a member of the deadly nightshade family, was not, in fact, poisonous. If it wouldn’t kill you, folks reasoned, it must make you stronger and so they attributed all sorts of medicinal properties to tomatoes. Miles sold so many pills he had to recruit a national sales team to handle the volume. But he sold tomato extract in pill form, not ketchup.

A mysterious European prince once offered to finance Cincinnati’s transformation into the gambling capital of the world but was turned down by City Council. In 1883, the Cincinnati Enquirer reported on the arrival in town of Prince Juan Pablo Trampantogo who, having deposited $90 million in earnest money in a local bank, announced plans to personally finance the transformation of the city while building “the largest, finest, and most complete gambling establishment in the world, to which the crowned heads of Europe and the entire sporting world shall throng with perfect freedom.” Although it was a total hoax, published on April Fool’s Day, the Prince Trampantogo story was repeated by local sources with complete credulity in 1943, 1950, 1974 and 1980.

Theda Bara once owned a Spanish-style villa on Victory Parkway Thanks to the dogged research of Ann Senefeld, who publishes the excellent “Digging Cincinnati” blog, we know this is simply not true. Ann tracked ownership of the alleged Theda Bara property from Mary Droesch, who built the villa in 1923 through Raymond and Lorene Frankel (1933-1942), Coleman Harris (1942-1949), Lillie Goldsmith (1949-1953) Lillian and John Lutz (1953-1956), Ida and Clifford Schaten (1956-1968) and Joseph Link Jr. (1968-1979) to Xavier University. At no point was it owned by Theda Bara or her family and there is no record she ever rented the property. It has been demolished.

The City of Cincinnati demolished a neighborhood called Kenyon-Barr. No one, other than the staff of the city planning office, ever referred to a section of the West End as “Kenyon-Barr.” Kenyon and Barr were two streets that intersected at ground zero for a Cincinnati urban renewal project. The designation “Kenyon-Barr” does not appear in print until 1952, when it served to identify a portion of the West End slated for demolition. Once the area was leveled, the city discovered that no one wanted to build anything in an area they had named Kenyon-Barr, so they hired a marketing expert who suggested renaming it Queensgate.