#ciel's tl;dr

[euclydya]

ok we're back. what the fuck

[midnight-in-town]

Ao no Exorcist is a Shonen series written by a woman and it shows

Since the latest chapter, I've been thinking about how several usual Shonen tropes are written rather differently under Kato-sensei's pen. No judgement or anything, it's just cool to observe. Some examples :

1) Rin's mentor is a woman

2) Rin's secret, despite being the MC, was revealed in ch13 to the entire cast, meanwhile Shiemi, The Main Girl, who was introduced to be so helpless is only starting to be explained.

3) Also, the Mysterious plot-relevant Shonen Parent is actually the twins' mother. (Of course Shiro is super plot-relevant too, but Satan is still angsting over Yuri and she's a huge part of the reason why he's the big bad)

4) Rin also changed his view about his future throughout the story: from dropping out of school, passing by hoping to become the Order's Paladin (probably to cope with Shiro's death and also to antagonize Arthur), to finally showing way more interest and potential in the (less epic and heroic in appearance) field of talismanic cooking.

5) When it comes to arcs, mental illness is a valid reason to build a character arc around...

6) And so is making an arc about girls being "cursed" to basically "get married and have children before they hit 30, the age where their beauty fade thus they become useless" :

7) ANE is a story about women becoming traitors to protect their loved ones, like Mamushi

or becoming overwhelmed because men toyed with their feelings like Tamamo

8) Older women can be absolute badasses like Shiemi's grandma

or Lucy.

9) Complicated mother-daughter relationship and girl friendships are given as much focus as complicated father-son relationships and sweet bro friendships (like Bon and his dad during the Kyoto arc, as well as the complicated but deep bond between the Kyoto Trio)

10) And one of my favorites: full time single dad, asking for help to do the job as well as he can and finding his true purpose in life by doing so :D

Hmm and now that I think about it, the only other Shonen series written by a woman I've been as invested in is Kuroshitsuji, by Yana Toboso, and similar examples can be found in it too, namely:

1) If Ciel ever finally admits needing a mentor, his aunt Frances will probably play that role

2) Girls can be super strong & skilled (Elizabeth, Mey Rin) and clever (Sieglinde)

3) (one part of) the Big Bad is a woman (Queen Victoria)

4) maybe Ciel's entire revenge stems from a conflict between Queen Victoria and Ciel's maternal grandmother, Claudia.

5) the Undertaker has been a continuously freaking pain in the ass because he probably fell in love with that same maternal grandmother and couldn't mourn properly

TL;DR we love our boys and their spectacular growth and development under women's pens a.k.a shonen series written by ladies are hella fun to read. :D

[bitteraristocrat]

Green Witch Arc Appreciation Post

This is nothing new, but I'm obsessed with the shift that happens within Ciel and Sebastian's relationship at the end of the Green Witch Arc.

I always joke that the two of them are insufferably clingy after they are briefly separated between the time that Ciel recovers from his psychosis and during the climactic battle. However, I wanted to bring attention to the significance of this shift and why it is so important to their dynamic.

When Ciel is first inflicted by the mustard gas, he rejects all forms of physical touch outside of Finny. Perhaps most alarmingly, he rejects Sebastian's touch. Ciel's sensitivity to physical touch is nothing new either, since he continually displays his distaste for Sebastian's touch without his blatantly given consent.

Once Ciel recovers from his psychosis, and is later reunited with Sebastian we go from this:

To this:

It's honestly jarring to me how much they touch each other during these chapters, and how overtly possessive they are of one another. I might even argue that physical touch becomes one of their "love" languages, for lack of a better way of phrasing it. The two have always had a way of silent, covert signalling towards each other, as well as Sebastian's obvious acts of service. But their comfortability with touch seems to shift drastically after this arc, as if their relationship is moving from passive ocular desire to physical action that displays loyalty/trust/endearment/possession.

Anyway, TL;DR, I'm obsessed with them.

[twitter-bores-me-to-death]

Blue Revenge arc, a turning point in Ciel and Lau's relationship? A theory.

This is a follow-up to my analysis of chapter 212

Tl;dr Aboard the train, Ciel and Sebastian are being watched. Although well aware of the situation they're in, both engage in a leisurely discussion about their top secret plan for all to listen, while sipping tea.

I have been thinking... If Scotland Yard is listening in to Ciel and Sebastian's little chat, doesn't them mentioning Lau being directly involved in their operation plus potentially trying to smuggle some advanced technology to China, essentially amount to throwing him under the bus?

I believe an arrest warrant was issued for the sevants already (Finny was making the front page of The Times alongside Ciel and Seb), so mentioning them offhandedly is kind of inconsequential at this point.

Lau, however, he's been hiding our crew for a few weeks yet the police didn't knock on his door, meaning he wasn't that high on their list of suspects.

Looking at the way Ciel speaks about his relationship with Lau, it is a purely buisiness-based, mutually beneficial one. He doesn't believe he was done any favours for free and Lau himself did say he was expecting the debt to be payed with interest.

O!Ciel is currently embroiled in a mass murder, blood harvesting scandal. If the police catch wind of Lau, one of his accomplices, effectively acquiring advanced medial tech shipped for China, wouldn't that add more allegations against o!Ciel? He could be charged with treason, to top it off. Lau is obviously not paying any mind to his actions' repercussions on o!Ciel's already muddied reputation. He could even be planning to flee England altogether if everything goes smoothly.

and Ciel, of course, is aware of that.

Which is why, if you look closely at Ciel and Sebastian's discussion, the most they do in regards to the other servants is drop their names and some personal trivia. Nothing about their missions or whereabouts.

In contrast to that:

-Ciel spared no effort exposing Lau's ties to the mafia, his location, his goals AND his motivations. Not only that but Sebastian backed him up, saying that there was no doubt about his operation's success... They are basically urging, nay, *begging* the police to go to Athena Sanatorium to thwart Lau's schemes, be it by getting him arrested or simply having the Yard sieze the medical equipment (and the miracle healer?) before he gets his hands on it.

Ciel and Lau are playing 4D chess and unfortunately for Lau, Ciel is three steps ahead of him. He refuses to compromise and is ready to cut Lau off the second he's served his purpose, aka dismantling the blood collecting facility.

Now, the question is: What will become of Bard in all of this? I don't know. I doubt Ciel informed him of his plans but I am sure he'll come back to retrieve him if he ever gets caught. Maybe Bard is sharp enough to sniff out Ciel's plot and retreat in time.

In conclusion: Could we possibly be witnessing Lau's villain origin story? If he connects the dots and manages to slip through the fingers of justice, he'll certainly try to get back at our earl. Which will unavoidably lead to an epic confrontation not unsimilar to that of season 1 of the anime!

(Yes, I believe that for better or worse, the manga will follow the main plot points of the anime...)

[bezierballad]

Okay guys, it’s that time of day. You know what that means?

Time for another OC infodump.

Specifically about the head demon himself, Napoleon Salver.

I’ve mentioned that Napoleon (unlike Sebastian we’ll get to him later) can’t stand the idea of a demon fasting. Why? Because he’s done it himself.

Napoleon used to restrain himself on how many souls he eats (“quality over quantity” similar to Sebastian’s logic of soul consumption) however, he once got himself into a bind and nearly starved himself. Think like how you're trying to lose weight so you try to eat less and less only to end up nearly passing out due to lack of nutrients.

(Also keep in mind demons can’t starve to death like humans can. They basically start gradually losing their sanity until they reach a point of no return.)

Anyway, this plays even when Napoleon is in a contract with Adam.

See, the big difference between Napoleon and Sebastian is that:

Sebastian sees Ciel’s soul as a gourmet main course he’s been working so hard to make and he doesn’t wanna eat anything beforehand or else he’ll ruin his appetite.

Napoleon sees Adam’s soul as a last course. A fine dessert, one would say. It doesn’t matter to him how many souls he eats beforehand (as long as he eats enough to sustain himself) he’s just saving the best for last.

This even plays in at one point when him and Sebastian meet (when Sebastian and Ciel are investigating the inn on their mission):

Sebastian: "Hey, when was the last time you ate a soul?"

Napoleon: "Like five minutes ago. How about you?"

Sebastian: "Last time I ate? Probably... three years ago."

Napoleon: 😀 "...what."

There are other moments throughout the story where he makes an offer to his new fellow demon "tell you what, I’ll let you have the next soul of the guy who comes here" (or what’s basically "hey man, eat with us. The food’s on me.")

And Sebastian’s always like “No, I told you, I’m fasting. I’ll ruin my appetite,” (this being Sebastian who has stated he hates other demons who gourge greedily on souls, I don't think he even likes Napoleon to begin with) and Napoleon gets more and more fed up with this pitiful excuse.

Because Napoleon basically wants to "save" Sebastian from the fate he nearly entered himself. (Which was nearly starving himself to insanity.)

TL;DR Napoleon is one gay ass son of a bitch.

[pain-in-the-butler]

Where did you get the idea for Cielbug and Coattails?

Hi again, thanks for your interest! Oh, Cielbug and Coattails... Two such vastly different creations... Well, let's start with Cielbug, who just kind of Happened. One night I doodled this little picture of Ciel and Sebastian for a meme

and I realized I liked how goofy Ciel looked, so I drew more, but I also found him to be very off-putting so I captioned it

and next thing I knew he was officially a bug, he lived in my house, and he had nothing in common with O!Ciel whatsoever

On the opposite end of the creativity scale, Coattails started as a short story I wrote in 2014, which I initially had no plans to share with anyone other than my sister. I liked Dadbastian and the idea of Ciel having to cope properly with his trauma (which was not yet fully revealed), so I always kept the idea in the back of my mind as something I wanted to expand upon. However, I didn't consider it very seriously until 2017's twin reveal. My feelings on the twin reveal are closer to positive now, but at the time I really didn't like it. I decided I wanted to prove to the fandom what I thought a good plot twist for my favorite series should look like and went about making a fic that would showcase it.

Even though I was pretty driven, I didn't really have expectations in the beginning for how long Coattails would get or who would like it. I decided I would just write it for myself, and anyone who tagged along for the journey would be a nice bonus. I knew the angle that would interest me most was Dadbastian, and I knew I already had a short story about Ciel and Sebastian that I really liked, so I used that as a base for what Coattails would become.

My sister was probably a bigger help in development than she realizes! The short story I wrote in 2014 is now chapter 2 of Coattails, and initially there was no catalyst for Ciel's shift into a more angry, sensitive person. My sister said that it felt jarring for Ciel to start acting up for no reason other than puberty, so I decided that should be a plot point, which ultimately lead to the creation of Lyle Reubin. Sebastian also needed a reason to go from being a demon to a dad, so I thought one up. Then came Henri Fairclough as a villain and means of exploring all of Coattails's themes. Once I had the bones in place, I started fleshing the story out however I pleased, just writing whatever felt fun and interesting and engaging, and that's sort of how I do it to this day.

That was a bit long-winded so tl;dr: my inspiration for Coattails was spite mixed with writerly passion, as well as some of my own experiences and feelings when I was growing up.

Thanks for granting me the opportunity to explain this! Have a wonderful day! 😊

[cassiopeiathe1st]

beloved locked tomb enjoyers! another book rec for you! this has been gathering dust on my bookshelf for many months now, but i finally got into it and had such a great time.

reasons why you should read bluebird by ciel pierlot:

the main character rig is lowkey a lesbian version of han solo (affectionate). her skills include engineering, sharpshooting, being so so in love with her librarian girlfriend june, charming people, and Talking Shit

stealing back stolen artifacts and reconstructing cultures & stories suppressed by imperialism = a major theme

speaking of imperialism, the worldbuilding is so interesting! as the story unfolds you learn more about the different philosophies of the warring factions & how those translate into how they treat their people

i found it to be a very easy read, i.e., not much interpreting required to understand the writing style and the plot. you can just be along for the ride

you know when you're reading a book and you come across something that makes you go hmmm is this foreshadowing? the answer is yes, it is, the author is very obviously winking at you but it's still v satisfying to find out you were right

the space lesbians get to be happy in this one! it's very refreshing!

tl;dr very fun read, 10/10 would recommend

also, i just know in my heart that rig and gideon nav would get along like a house on fire. exhibit a:

[artnijna]

While I agree with the whole Ciel would die if he was put in the modern world, I also love the idea of Ciel learning what video games are and that they come in many kinds. He then learns about mobile games and next thing we know there would be a Funtom mobile dress up game that secretly a murder mystery and all the cast is based off people he knows. The main protag looking oddly like a certain demon as studies show a protagonist that looks like Sebastian is very popular with all demographics.

There are Chess mini games, Alice in wonderland events to get clothes for characters and gotchas.

TL;DR: Ciel Phatomhive would become a video game developer/make a whole new section in his company the second his blood pressure would calm down.

[cosmiclion]

Familiar AU angst hours: I know I said that hunger makes demons weak and vulnerable, but what if it makes them revert back to a mindless state? The longer they go without consuming a soul the closer they are to becoming the feral monsters that they so look down on.

And ever since he became Ciel’s guardian Sebastian hasn’t made a contract with anyone, what with all the time consuming work that comes with caring for a young child. Of course, since demons are immortal they can go years without really starving, but the thing is Sebas had already been a bit hungry when he first found the child. Sure the prospect of raising a little human and gaining his trust so that he’d later decide to make a contract with him sounded fun, but years go by and the Phantomhive boy still doesn’t mention it.

Conflicted, strange feelings start swirling around inside Sebas. While he does care for the kid and even feels protective of him (in his own demon way), he has never stopped viewing him as a potential meal. But if the kid never offers him his soul, does that mean he should just leave? If Ciel grows up and doesn’t need help and guidance anymore, why stay? Saving him and keeping him alive was just an experiment, right? Right?

To make matters worse, he starts to worry when he finds himself often fantasizing about the flavor that the past trauma has added to the young soul. He’s always been a patient calm demon, so what’s going on? Demons can also smell souls, and Ciel’s is mouth watering, oh how he’d love to open up his jaws like a giant wolf and swallow him whole.

Oh no.

He’s losing his mind. He hasn’t even gone looking for souls of dying people all this time, as that goes against his aesthetic. And of course the idiot bastard hasn’t talked to anyone about this. Which is why he doesn’t know Ciel has been studying demonology behind his back, knows everything about demons and contracts and actually plans to make a contract, but what he wants is for Sebas to be his familiar, which means he’ll be bound to him until he dies of old age (the little shit does view him as a parental figure but also wouldn’t mind having a demon by his side to help him gain power and smite his enemies, boys amirite?).

I haven’t fully decided how the story goes from here, but maybe it gets to a point where hunger overcomes Sebas for a while and Ciel has no choice but to confront him and forcefully bind him with the knowledge he has acquired, maybe also with Agni’s help (they have met Soma and Agni by now, more or less at the same point in time as in canon). After Sebas has calmed down, Ciel makes a promise: if he stays with him all his life and becomes his sword and shield, he can have his soul in the end, effectively making him a familiar demon; and in the meantime he can take the souls of any enemies they may kill whenever he gets hungry.

Tl; dr: Scrawny Victorian orphan catches demon like a pokémon.

[dead-salmon]

I did 100% mean to send that to you. What happened was seeing so many of Nasu and Takeuchi's decisions lined up made me realize wow, these two literally never get told no except Nasu from Sakurai every once in a blue moon. Its literally two yesmen acting like we have consulted the team on this one when the team is the two of them.

well yeah, that's practically the issue in whole. look, nasu and takeuchi singlehandedly caused type moon to exist, i'm not against them having a big influence on the directions their games and stories take. they are the creators after all.

the issue is in my opinion that they have way too much influence, specifically takeuchi

this is me going on on a tangent so apologies anon, if you want the entire rant it's under the cut

but basically tl;dr: nasu and takeuchi fail to realise that type moon is a way bigger company than just the two of them. and since no one (fans or tm members) really directly opposes their whims they get to continue doing whatever they want, even if it directly goes against their writers and fanbases wishes.

just to recall, some of the worst tm decisions were caused by what? takeuchis whims (and nasu's, but mainly takeuchi). wu zetian as a child? takeuchi wanted it. young moriarty in traum? takeuchi wanted it. summer beast eresh for anniversary, ciel for summer? takeuchi&nasu wanted it ("thought it fit better"). aesc as anniversary unit? takeuchi wanted it. lb6 summer? nasu & takeuchi wanted it. oh and if we get camazotz? well, takeuchi wants it.

the issue isn't even that they indulge in what they like, it's that they don't give a single fuck about their actual fanbase or writers goals (and why should they, they get money and praise either way most of the time).

type moon grew into quite the company, fgo is unironically one of genshins/honkais best gacha competitors despite it's outdated playstyle. however as you put it, "the team is the two of them". nasu and takeuchi seemingly forget that type moon isn't just nasu and takeuchi anymore, but many writers, developers, artists and a big fanbase alltogether

in regards to your previous ask, if anything that shows to me that nasu is a pretty happy dude. he earns a lot of money, gets admired&praised by many people, is famous in the vn scene w/o anyone knowing his real identity. he gets to do whatever he and his bestie want without too much pushback and gets to see whatever he wants to happen in fate's stories.

hell, we only got fate/samurai remnant because the guy in charge fangirled over nasu and musashi hard enough to convince nasu to let them make a game. and even then, nasu had to "lay down the groundworks" before the actual writers team could write f/sr.

-> since in nasu's mind, tm lore is at such a level that outsiders would have to make way too much research to create actual new stories. (read both of this in an interview translation, i can find them again but it'd take a bit) imo it's a little arrogant, sure tm lore is very extensive but you don't need to know every single piece of it's lore for one story. but that's just my opinion.

so in conclusion: yeah, i entirely agree with you. since they get to do whatever they want and get money for it, of course they continue doing whatever they want. gotta hand it to sakurai for trying to push back a little though. and i wonder how much longer they get to do that. type moon's biggest winning quality has always been their loyal fanbase, supporting them so much so that fgo as a gacha gets to keep up with hoyoverse gachas of all things. and said loyal fanbase seems to slowly get more frustrated too with each whimsical decision

[grelleswife]

So every time I see that new art of grelle I also see she has one hand behind her back when you zoom in on it. It looks like something is in her hand, but I don't know what it could be?? Am I just seeing things and theres nothing??? I swear it looks like she's holding something!!!

Hi, anon! You’re not wrong; I’m almost positive that she’s holding something, too. However, I’m not quite sure what it could be. My guesses include:

a) Part of the counter

Due to the angle, I can’t tell for certain if Grelle is actually leaning against the counter, but she appears close enough to grab onto an edge while casually lounging in that section of the cafe

b) One of the stools

There are at least a couple of stools shown in this picture—Bitter Rabbit!Grelle is standing on one of them, while Undertaker’s sitting on another.

That being said, the color of the object Grelle’s holding doesn’t quite match up, and I can’t make out a cluster of wooden legs behind her, which you’d expect to see if there was a stool in that spot—pretty sure the leg in this frame is part of the table/counter?

c) A pen

O!Ciel is drawn with a pen for taking customers’ orders, so it would make sense for Grelle to have one, as well…but, again, I’m not sure if the colors for the two items are fully aligned, and not enough of the “mystery object” is visible to confirm.

d) A makeup accessory

Grelle of all people would want to be properly glammed up for work, and I could see her having a tube of lipstick or eyeshadow on hand in case she needed to touch up her look during her shift. If that’s what Yana intended, though, she might have made the object more easily identifiable.

TL; DR: I have a few theories, but can’t give you a concrete answer. Do the rest of y’all have any ideas? 🤔

[midnight-in-town]

hi i finally read the german witch arc and i have a question. it's probably stupid. Vincent's friend Diedrich says that Ciel has odd servants and that Vincent had different tastes in servants. But what about Tanaka ? Isn't he odd too? Unless Diedrich means "odd" like Finny's background ? Do you have an idea ?

Hey Anon ! Do you mean this scene ?

I'm not sure how familiar and caught up you are with the series, so I'll just say this : I believe Dee refers to how Ciel's servants are peculiar but also useful for his Watchdog's duty because they can fight against the German army and other examples like that.

To me, Dee implies Vincent didn't have any skilled servants like that back when he was the Watchdog (and probably relied more on his evil nobles, than Ciel does). Tanaka aside.

And that's precisely the thing. It's not a spoiler since Yana commented on it way before it was mentioned in the series, but as you'll find out later if you haven't read the arcs after the Green Witch one, Vincent isn't the one who hired Tanaka. :)

Speculations remain as to who did, Vincent's mother or father, but Vincent inherited Tanaka as a servant the day he became the Watchdog, after his mother was murdered died when he was 15.

TL;DR Dee knew his friend well. Vincent probably had a normal household staff, except for this one samurai acting as a butler who's been around since he was a kid.

I hope it answers your question, Anon. Have a good day !

[bitteraristocrat]

On the Subject of Being Queer

To celebrate Pride Month, and the completion of my English-History degree, I wanted to share some thoughts on how I think Sebastian and Ciel would respond to being identified as Queer men.

Since the Victorian Era was limited in labels for Queer people (i.e., gross indecency, sexual deviants, and homosexual/homophile), I won't go into depth regarding what flavour of gay I would headcanon them as. Just playing with the idea of someone clocking them and labeling them as such.

I think their responses would be mundane and pretty similar.

For Ciel, (surprisingly), I think he would be rather unflapped by the accusation, and prefer not to identify himself as such to save face.

"What is the point of labeling oneself in such a manner? Why would I draw attention to myself in that way? Moreover, prescribing such titles to those who are different from societal norms simply enforces scrutiny on them."

As for our favourite dandy demon, I think Sebastian would be perturbed and mildly annoyed at the accusation (because, of course he isn't straight).

"Humans are so very attached to putting names to superficial experiences. To define an entity such as myself on human terms is a grave undermining of my nature. Desire is best defined as raw and unassuming; or, better yet, undefined altogether."

Despite their apathy, I think they would both be fervent believers of "anyone can love/fuck anyone and it's none of your bloody business."

tl;dr, they are indeed both Queer but prefer not to get into it.

[emoboybattle]

MORDRED PROPAGANDA BC I HATE HIM

Before anything his name literally means something along the lines of evil dreaded child basically his name itself literally has negative connotation that's so emo bro

He's literally horrible I hate him so much but he's literally so emo like his dad literally tried to drown him as a baby AND HE LIVED pretty emo if you asked me like what does ciel have that's more emo than Mordred ? A demon butler ??? Mordred literally tried to turn a whole country against his father bc he hated him so much like just imagine that "Gosh I hate my dad, I'll just turn all of England on him." He literally hates his dad and his dad loves him (even tho he tried to drown him-) THAT'S LITERALLY SO EMO don't even get me STARTED on WHY he was born Morgause was literally like "lemme pop out this baby to ruin my OWN BROTHER" (very disturbing and disgusting) BUT THAT'S SO EMO. He's also the youngest and killed his dad

So tl;dr:

• Emo name

• Mordred is more emo bc he was literally born so ruin his dad's life

• Dad loves him but Mordred LOATHES him (Mordred literally ends up killing him)

•Dad tried to kill him as a baby but he LIVED

• Youngest child

Mordred propaganda!

[crehador]

brother crab's winter 2024 parting thoughts: synduality noir s2

bitch how did you survive both seasons. your death flags were enormous. congrats i suppose

anyway

this was fiiine i guess. it's not bad, but it is the only thing worse than bad: it's boring. it plays it very safe so it's not remarkably bad in any particular ways, but it isn't special in any particular ways either (except one, which i'll get to)

as a video game adaptation (well not even an adaptation... more like an ad i guess lol) i think of takt and god eater, and i'd say synnoir is more on the same tier as takt for me. takt is prettier (synnoir isn't ugly by any means, but its animation, character designs, mech designs, etc were all more standard and not quite as striking as what we got in takt) but both are just eh in terms of story to me

funnily enough out of this trio i personally enjoyed god eater the most. it has the sort of cgi that i imagine a lot of people dislike but ultimately the story wound up being more compelling to me

the exception in synnoir! is the ciel and noir side arc!! god there is something very beautiful and tragic about that, and i really wish we'd gotten more of that story. it compels me, it feels unique to me, it is the one bright star in this otherwise very... beige show

tl;dr fine but unremarkable, did not really spark any interest in the game for me

[ballads-for-kuni]

Had a wacky morning with this as my alarm LMAO

So I decided to try Ciel's schedule for a day, and he wakes at 8:30 am, so I set this as my alarm and—

WHEN I TELL YOU I WAS CONFUSED WHEN I WOKE UP.

My morning went like this:

1 ish am: went to sleep

5:10 am: woke up. Stared confusedly at my bolster for a good two minutes, mumbling nonsensically to myself, picked up my phone, opened Sudoku, played a few puzzles, shut it down and went back to sleep

8:29 am: woke up, rolled over, checked my phone lock screen clock, smiled, rolled back over onto my pillow, closed my eyes and WAITED FOR THE ALARM TO RING.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT POSSESSED ME TO WAIT FOR MY ALARM TO RING LMFAOOOOOOO

TL;DR: My morning was something right out of a WTF moment. 10/10 would totally do it again.