#chuuyaswifeandhoe

[chuuyaswifeandhoe]

Not today

Pairing: Chuuya x femreader

Warnings: hurt, swearing, manipulation, not a happy ending, Chuuya being an asshole

Not proofread

A/N: Hello all. This fic will have 3 or 4 parts. Please note that it's not going to have a happy ending so read at your own discretion.

“I want to break up”

He said the words so effortlessly that you were not sure you were hearing him right.

“What?” Your mind did not understand yet the meaning of his words. It couldn't be. No. It was impossible. But his annoyed and tired sigh had your heart in a grasp, ready to shatter it.

“ I want to break up Y/N. I don't want to continue this any longer.” His tone was empty, no trace of emotion, no trace of love, no trace of your Chuuya. The pain you started to feel was unbearable. Like someone was planting in your heart thousands of shattered glass pieces making it bleed more when it tried to beat. You did not see this coming. How could you when this morning he kissed your sleepy face, told you he is going to miss you throughout the day and that he loves you more than anything. How could you when only some nights ago you were talking about marriage and how you two see the idea of having kids.

“Why?” Your voice was strained, like it did not belong to you. You choked on air, your mind screaming profanities at you. Your body started trembling. You were living your perfect fairytale. Chuuya was the man you were sure was not going to break your heart. Until five minutes ago…

An exasperated sigh left Chuuya's lips. He did not want to do this. It hurt him as much as it hurt you. Maybe even worse. But if this was the only solution he had to keep you safe then he's going to do it. Better two broken hearts than a dead body, your dead body. The next mission was going to last over a year long, abroad, with little possibility and space for outside communication. And the biggest fear he had was that you'll become a target in all this time and Mori told him they can't offer you protection for such a long time. Their resources were limited at the moment with all that was going on, no weakling could be spared for his girlfriend. And if you became a target, he could not do anything to protect you, he wouldn't even find out until is too late and the Mafia “would not organize a rescue mission or give in ransom requests for Y/N”.

“Why does it matter, I want to end things!” He raised his voice feeling guilty. Seeing you flinch, your glossy eyes widen and tears spilling over your face was like pushing the dagger in his own heart. He did not want to give reasons. He hoped you'd magically understand his thoughts and not put up a fight. But how could you, you were fighting for him and he couldn't be happier to know it, but not today.

“Because this morning you told me you loved me, because few nights ago we were talking marriage and children and now you've done a 180 turn so you owe me at least an explanation.” Your voice cracked, your phrase interupted by a pitiful sob. This had to be a nightmare you got to wake up from, right?

Chuuya's gaze soften for a second before going back to his composed icy attitude. He wanted to extend his arm, to pull you close and tell you he is just a coward and he's scared to lose you. He couldn't bear to see you like this. But he needed to cut whatever strings were keeping you close. He knew you well enough to realize that a simple ”I have another girl or I lost feelings” wouldn't work. He had to make you hate him, he had to cut deep so you'd never want to see him again. He had to be the very last thing he wanted to become, an absolute asshole. He was going to rip your heart apart with his words.

“I lied. I never loved you.”

You scoffed. “Fuck you, try something better. You can't fake a year and a half of relationship, being the most loving boyfriend and then tell me it was all a lie.” Your voice was so confident that for two seconds made Chuuya waver in his own decision. You trusted him so much, so blindly and he couldn't be more grateful… but not today. He bit his lip, not wanting to go on that road, a trip of no return. If he's going to attack every vulnerable part of you he was going to break you in multiple ways, but at least you would be safe, right?

He forced a sinister laugh. “See, you're so fucking gullible that you think a Port Mafia executive would not be able to lie. You want to know the truth?? You were just convenient. The good innocent girl who would believe everything that I feed her. You're fucking way to stupid and naive for your own good. I never loved you, I just wanted someone to warm my bed every night without having to worry too much on the how's and who's.” He regretted every word that was coming out of his mouth. He didn't believe any of it. Saying them was like eating glass, he felt his mouth hurting together with his heart when he saw the impact they were having on you.

It was like a dagger that was cutting every fiber of your muscles. Your heart clenched so hard in your chest you though you were having a heart attack. Everything hurt. There wasn't a cell in your body not burning under the cold eyes Chuuya reserved for you today. To say his words hurt was an understatement.

“You're lying”. It was the only thing your vocal cords could articulate.

“If this makes it easier for you, then of course Y/N, I'm lying. But I don't want to do this anymore. You're annoying, I'm tired of your bubbly energy and the way you act all clingy. You're a grown ass woman and act like a freaking teenager. What, you think I like how you're jumping around the bookstore? Or that you act so fucking selfish towards everyone, like there is no bad in the world. I'm so tired of having to act like I'm not killing people on the daily basis around you. Also, I hate how you get all shy when I'm fucking you. Acting all so innocent like you don't like it.” he took a deep breath before speaking again “The only thing good about you is when you shut up and just take it. And even that is such a rarety since you're so fucking sensibile you're always hurting, always bruising easily. I don't love you, I never did. You were nothing more than a bed warmer and I just had enough of you.”

Lies, lies, lies. He adored every part of you. He loved how you would be so excited by some random hardcover book, just because the covers are pretty. How you'd take photos of the sunsets because they were “pieces of art”. The way you folded under his teasing games and how you tried to cover your blushing face. He loved it all. He worshipped you till the moon and back. If you'd ask him for the moon itself he'd ask the god's permission to rip a piece and bring it back to you.

He was trying with all his being not to crack the mask he's put on. If he didn't had the gloves on, he was sure his nails would dig in his palms until blood would come out. Loyalty, he was doing this out of loyalty towards the Mafia and towards yourself. He was doing it out of love. He was doing it out of selfishness. He couldn't bear the idea of the possibility that his world could get you hurt, or worse killed. So his best idea was to hurt you himself so he could push you away from his world, from his blood stained hands. Your sobs brought him back to reality. He looked at you and saw everything he did not want to become. You were hugging your own body while crying and sobbing uncontrollably.

You felt empty, you were in agony. No, it was worse, but you could not point out just a single emotion you were feeling right now. It was like you fell to hell from heaven. And yet, somehow hell seemed a less painful place right now. Every vulnerability you had, he made sure to point it out and twist it against you. Were you so blind to not see that he actually did not love you? You felt useless, an used object, a used doll. All the moments he kissed your insecurities away were mere lies? Everything you were afraid of, came to life. Maybe was it your fault to have let down your defences and let him under your skin, under the layers you kept on for so long. Was he such a good actor after all? You fell to your knees continuing to cry. It was too much, way too much than your fragile heart could endure.

His first instinct was to catch you, to use his ability to help you get down safely. He fought against it and any piece of respect he had for himself vanished when he heard a desperate cry from your scrunched form. He felt a burn in his eyes, tears forming in them. No, he could not screw this up. He turned on his feet giving you his back.

“You can keep this place and the card I have given to you. Take it as compensation for the time you lost with me. If our paths ever cross again you'll act like you don't know me or I'll make a bullet go through your skull.” He walked away, getting out of the shared apartment, while tears were falling down his cheeks. Even though his body was reacting in a very human way, he felt anything but human. He broke the only person who made him feel human. He took a deep breath before taking his phone out and sending a message to Dazai “I need your help”. He had to find a way to protect her from his world now that he cut any strings. He had to protect her from himself.

[ravencincaide]

This was supposed to be a good day

Summary:  You haven't seen Chuuya in almost a decade. The humiliation of his break up with you still burned fresh, still hateful. No you never wanted to see his stuck up “I am better than everyone” attitude ever again. Unfortunately for you fate had other plans. And this time it was unlikely that he would leave you alone, even with your threats. 

Pairing: Fem!reader x (ex) Chuuya Nakahara

Inspired by Not today fic by @chuuyaswifeandhoe. So all cred for this thing goes to her. Please check her amazing works out if you're into really painful angst!

Warnings: Cursing, angst, parents

“ Get back here you little rascals!” 

Children's laughter filled the empty playground as you chased the twins around the slide. Past the climbing net, and all the back to the steps which lead up into the wooden playpen. You were just shy of catching your daughter, your fingers brushed against her ginger ponytail. A little more and– she ducked inside the round playtube with a giggle- just out of your gasp. You could hear her small hands slam against it as she shuffled through to the other side and out of your reach. Before you could follow after; you gasped, stopped and spun around as yet another snowball hit your back. 

You scanned the play area until you caught sight of a head of messy ginger locks belonging to your son. Your little boy full of mischief who was in the process of throwing yet another snowball at you. 

“ Hey don’t even think about it Daiki-” your playful voice was cut off as the snowball made contact with the front of your jacket. You narrowed your eyes at him, watched the way he froze mid motion with a slightly guilty look on his face. Then as you took a step in his direction, the boy audibly yelped before he started running. 

You were not going to let him escape you.

You ducked, narrowly avoided hitting your head on the monkey bars and ran just a little bit faster. “ Gotcha!” you laughed as you circled your arms around the little boy. You lifted him up and spun him once, twice your joint laughter filled the silence until you heard your daughter’s cute yell; “ Me next, mama, me next!” as she ran straight into you with full force. 

If she was older and heavier she might have successfully tackled you to the ground. But being the tender age of seven she was barely strong enough to make you shift weight. Still you acted along and pretended to be brought down to one knee, still holding her twin to your chest. “ Ahh Fumiko you got me” you groaned out as your daughter jumped up and down in glee. Then the two ganged up on you; with giggles small hands tried to drag you down further into the snow while the same small hands tried to tickle you through the thick coat. Your joint laughter filled the empty playground in the otherwise calm park. 

The day was beautiful; chilly but perfect in the sense that you had the entire play area to yourself. Just you and your two precious twins with whom you made heartwarming memories together. Another perfect day, another perfectly sweet–

“ Y/N?” That voice sent shivers up and down your spine. The pleasant shivers of longing which made your heart shred itself in your chest mixed together with painful memories of humiliation. The condescending degrading way he had tossed you aside. The icy blue of his eyes- the twisted smirk- imagines that you had desperately hid in the very back of your mind behind lock and key were slowly coming back. Flashed one by one right before your eyes. 

His words from years ago and the way you cried and begged for him, the way he brought you to your knees and then kept tearing you to shreds. 

Completely humiliated. 

That humiliation was twisted and turned into a tight knit ball of anger in the pit of your stomach. Filled your lungs with air; a suffocating rage. At that moment you did not know what you were going to do if you turned around and actually saw Chuuya. Were you going to yell? Hit him? Demand an explanation for his cruelty? Rub in his face that he had lost years with his children and that this one chance encounter would be the only time he would ever get to be in their presence?

“ Mama are we done playing already?” you were brought out of your trail of thoughts by Fumiko. Her expression was sad; huge blue eyes stared into yours not understanding what happened but being old enough to realize it was not something good. Daiki clung to you tightly, clearly afraid. The anger inside you subsided enough that you could plaster a pleasant albeit forced smile onto your lips. “ Yes but if we go now you can play some video games when we get home.” before the words could leave your lips, the twins were out of your embrace and running throughout the playground to collect their things. 

Their childish innocence warmed your heart. 

The smile on your lips faded the second you saw a gloved hand stretch towards you out of the corner of your eyes, a silent offer to help you off the ground. You ignored it, used your anger as sufficient fuel to stand up in one swift motion. You shook off the snow before you turned to face Chuuya, arms crossed over your chest. 

He looked more stunning than when you last saw him. More of a man; sophisticated suit, a brand new coat and his usual hat now adored with additional accessories. He wore cologne; a musky scent which just barely hid the smell of cigarettes off of him. “ Oj Doll,Why the fuck did you not fuckin’ let m’know?” his tone was accusing, hurt and angry. His blue eyes bore holes into you so clearly demanding an explanation. 

You gave him none. You did not have to; you did not need to. A part of you wanted to deny that the twins were his- but you bit your tongue to prevent that. You knew that even a blind bastard would see the similarities. Still you relished in the idea that this hurt him. You hoped this hurt was even a fraction of the hurt he caused you. 

“ It’s none of your business” you stated icily, out of the corner of your eyes you kept track of Fumiko and Daiki; made sure none of his goons for hire would even attempt to approach the two. 

“ None of my– the fuck?! You sold the goddamn fuckin apartment, kept this from me and just–” 

“-the apartment and all its content which you left to me for wasting my time, effort and looks on you” you cut him off, old hurt surfaced like a steel knife. But no, as much as you wanted to yell and accuse him, to tell him exactly what you thought of him you decided against it. You were not going to stoop down to his level. You were better than that- better than him. And especially not in front of your twins who waited nervously for you at the edge of the playground “ We’re done here.” 

“ Oj Y/N don’t you even–”

Chuuya reached out for you and you sidestepped his touch. His action made you lose a sliver of your self control in the process;“ Touch me and I will call the police; it won’t lead to anything but we both know the mafia doesn’t want to flash in front of the government.” your voice was icy as you watched him drop his hand back to his side. 

His face took on a surprised expression, clearly not expecting the threat. 

You took this moment to continue “ I have never been happier than in these seven years without you. Seeing you today just ruined my day and time with my babies. We don’t need or want you, so make yourself scarce.” You fixed him with a pointed look and made sure he understood each syllable that left your lips. Then you turned on your heel and left the playground. You held your head high, proudly, as you left the playground with your twins safely in your arms. 

You meant every word you uttered to him, every syllable past your lips. You hated him, detested him for everything he had done to you. And yet why did your heart ache so pitifully?  

Author note: This fic was written today and thus hasn't had a lot of editing. Once again it's all thanks to @chuuyaswifeandhoe. Think of it as an early next-week update ;)

All fics are unique works by ©ravencincaide 2024. Do not copy/repost/translate or spread my work(s) without my explicit permission. If you see any of my work(s) reposted/copied anywhere else without my consent, please inform me!

[chuuyaswifeandhoe]

If this was heaven

Pairing: Chuuya x femreader

Warnings: pure fluff

A/N: I don't have any energy to write the last part of my angst series so I'm emptying my drafts. Please enjoy this fluff I wrote sometime ago for someone special to me. It will take a very long while until I get back into writing, so please be patient.

Chuuya was exhausted. Today was hell, a mission, then paperworks, then again another mission. The only thing he wanted was to melt away on the sofa at home, with a glass of wine in front of him. But he was so tired that he only made it to the sofa and left his head on the headrest, eyes closed. He did not even know where you were. You did not greet him at the entrance as you usually do. He missed your kind smile and how you would tackle him down into a hug. He was so tired that he didn’t even have the force to call your name to see if you’re home. He sighed, if he had the option he would abandon the Mafia in an instant and run away with you. He wanted slow mornings in which he can cuddle with you, kiss away the sleep from your eyes, and just be with you for as long as he wanted too.

Chuuya was so caught up in daydreaming to a better situation for the both of you that he did not hear your little tip-toes. You were in his office, reading something for your work and just had the vague impression he came home. Founding Chuuya sprawled out on the sofa like a puppy, warmed your heart. He was probably exhausted, so you thought you should spoil him a little.

You gently touched his knees to make him aware of your presence and don’t startle him.

“ Hi, my handsome boy.” you smiled, towering over him.

He lazily raised his head up and opened his beautiful blue orbs. “Hi, my love.” Chuuya then extended one hand gently tugging you to come and sit over him, and you obliged, smiling.

You grabbed his face gently with your warm hands, stroking his cheeks. That was enough to make your boy melt.

"Tough day darling?” You smiled while looking in those ocean eyes. You could drown in them over and over again.

“You have no idea” he closed back his eyelids and turned his face to kiss the palm of your hand.

It was moments like this that kept Chuuya sane. Having you care for him almost washed away the stress accumulated through the day. Your sweet giggles were music to his ears.

“Then I might have an idea to make you forget about this ugly day. Do you trust me, my angel?” Your fingers turned his face back to face you. He let out a laugh, the pet name was definitely not the one suitable for his person, but he couldn't deny you anything in this world. Not even if you'd ask him for the sun.

“I'm all yours, doll.” he crooked a tired smile at you, closing his eyes, letting you take the lead. Your heart swole at this sight. His pretty face was at your mercy. So you started kissing every inch of it, starting with his eyelids, whispering him sweet words

“I love you”. Then you kissed the other one. “You're such an amazing boyfriend”. Then got to plaster lots of kisses on his nose “you're so handsome”, moved to the space between his eyebrows “you're my sweet boy”. Your lips left praises and kisses all over his beautiful face. His forehead was next, going down on his cheeks then his jaw, his chin then hovering over his lips. “Enjoying it, Chuu?”

Chuuya felt like he touched the gates of heaven. His cheeks were dusted pink , from being overwhelmed by the sweetness of your actions. God, how much he loved you. You had the power to take away all his worries, all the stress from every cell in his body. He felt spoiled with affection and he cherished every moment like this that you were offering him.

“You forgot one spot” he whispered, barely opening one eye. He saw your content grin before you smashed your lips on his. He put his hand on the sides of your head and kissed you like it was his last day on earth. His heart could burst out at any moment from the warmth you spread inside his body. He felt he reached the skies and was granted to enter the land of the innocents.

If this was heaven, Chuuya would do anything to rest here and never have to get back to his daily hell. If this was heaven, he'd gladly be dead and have an angel like you pampering him in kisses. If this was heaven, he was a sinner who received the mercy of the gods, kissed by a star who was casting away his sins even just for one evening.

[chuuyaswifeandhoe]

If only

Pairing: Chuuya x femreader Warnings: swearing, mention of suicide attempts, language, hated, gunshots, death, mentions of killing, violence This is the second part of Not today. Enjoy!

Wake up, survive, kill, sleep, repeat. Wake up, exist, betray, sleep, repeat. Wake up, get yourself almost killed, sleep, repeat. Wake up, die. 

One year and a half has passed since Chuuya decided that you didn't have any value for him. You decided to celebrate it at the old apartment, exactly where it happened, so you would not forget why you're still alive. Revenge. No, you laughed at the flickers of the candles around the living room. Revenge was too kind for him. You wanted to make him hate himself. To feel useless, used, an incapable body having to survive with the consequences of his own actions. That's what you had been doing for the last year so he had to go through it for the rest of his life. Seemed only fair, an eye for an eye, a broken soul for another one. Even better, a broken soul to crush another. You blame yourself for the break up. If only you wouldn't have opened the discussion about marriage and kids. If only you would have been happy with the situation you were in, not craving for more, not wanting more from life, maybe he wouldn't have said those words to you. If only you would have acted differently. If only you would have changed to suit him better. If only…

You sipped another gulp from the expensive bottle of wine, his courtesy when he left you the apartment. No need to cry over spilled milk. Still, tears fell down your cheeks without warning. It stung, it is not like you could get rid of the feelings of betrayal and disappointment. In the dim lights of the candles you let yourself feel human again. It was a long year for you, one where you made permanent changes in your life. No more good girl behavior. Only a cruel bitch without a heart. One of the most interesting evolutions within the Mafia. That's what they called you. You had your underground name as well, Shadow. The one who kills her victims in their sleep, walking right behind you, living in the dark, never knowing when is going to hit. People don't fear their own shadows, so you took advantage of that. Befriending the target, using your innocence to make them trust you then slashing their heart in the sheets. Literally. 

You sighed, he should be back in two days. You found out after joining that the executive was sent on a suicide mission, having no communication with the outside world. A mission that has been extended longer than anyone anticipated. But everyone trusted him to accomplish the impossible and come back alive and successful, destroying some gangs, scoring some diamond deals, and bringing back the prize of the rarest diamond in the world. Easy, for the most powerful ability user in the Mafia. Not so easy to understand why he acted like that more than a year ago. You saw the reasoning behind it, but still, there were other options if he wanted to protect you. You shake your head, no, he did not want to protect you, he wanted to get rid of you. 

In retrospect, he tried to protect you after his departure, after the breakup.  You were desperate, you wanted to turn off your feelings so bad, everything hurt. In a desperate attempt, a message was sent to Dazai if his offer for the double suicide was still up. But he expected the message when he met you on the roof of the building his scope was to get you down, to hold you, and to make sure you didn't do it. What an ass, Chuuya informed him and knew already you'd try to kill yourself. “Bella, is not worthy, I promise you I'd take your offer under other circumstances, but now I know for sure that is going to get better.”

After that night you laid out your options on a piece of paper. The first was to get over with this life. Not an option anymore, Dazai did not help you and suddenly members of the agency bumped randomly into you at the grocery store. Atsushi wanted to accompany you and Yosano wanted to go shopping. Nice of them but it was making you feel worse. You wanted to root under a rock. Fragile. You felt fragile, ready to break if someone looked at you the wrong way. You wanted to move out of the apartment, but couldn't, you were between jobs and you were in no shape to start looking for one. To put on a fake smiling face… no. And ironically after three weeks, a position was available at the agency, for a secretary. What a lovely coincidence. And for a bit you even considered it, to have them around wasn't a bad idea after all and would also comply with Chuuya's demand to never get in his face again. But then, after the “interview”, while at the caffè, Atsushi -bless his innocent heart- left out a secret in his blabbering “Chuuya must really love you Y/N-san, kneeling to ask the president for the Agency to protect you”. He received a smack over his head from Kyoka and you acted like you did not hear him, but it was the moment you decided you weren't going to take the job at the agency. 

Bastard. Thinking he can control your life after breaking you like that. To make sure you were having a good life, that you would be under Dazai’s careful eye. The second option was to move back to your village, back with your not-so-close family. Not really an option, but more a desperate attempt to get the attention off the agony present in your life. And you tried it, with a short visit, wanting to understand if it would do you any good. But at the news that you and Chuuya broke up, your family started blaming you and accused you of being such a stuck-up bitch. Everything good about you was your relationship with Chuuya and you screwed everything up and your life did not have any value anymore. And maybe, to a certain extent, you started to believe it.  So after that weekend, you got back, having to deal with life again.

The next option was to just get on with your life. Going out, dating, meeting new people, living again. Well, you got yourself somehow functioning in those six weeks before deciding that there was a fourth option that was more suitable. You tried looking for other jobs, and you got yourself on two random blind dates which were absolutely horrible, but a friend of yours decided it was a good idea to get you out of your slumber so you accepted. You decided you were going to be single forever because there was no way you were going to deal with all that. And you also wanted revenge and when the opportunity arose, you went straight for it.

The fourth option you never envisioned or dreamed of. Joining the Mafia. A friend, of a friend, of another friend found out from some underground source about a recruitment process going on so you decided to join. You started preparing for it, hitting the gym and having shooting training on Chuuya’s money, because if he left you the card you might as well use it. One of your biggest qualities was the attention to detail and to anyone’s surprise shooting a gun. You remember the ‘basic training’ Chuuya gave you after telling you about his job so you could shoot a gun if you ever needed to protect yourself and he was amazed by your skills to not miss any of the targets he put in place. So, until the recruitment stage came around you trained. It was not like you had any better to do, apart from moping around in your sadness.

You started as a weakling, a mere nobody. No particular skill, apart from a good aim. The rest was hard work, broken bones, lots of cuts and bruises, not getting in your own way, being in constant fear for your life, and learning to kill. The first time was the hardest. Then you went on autopilot. No regrets, no remorse, no feelings. Exactly what you were looking for, a way to numb out your heart. No more worrying about a lover, a relationship, a breakup, or a future. Then, it was a question of being in the right place at the right time and saving Mori’s life in an altercation. The boss rarely participated in those things, but there were times he wanted to feel the thrill of fear and descend into the dirty underground. Obviously, some Black Lizard mission you were involved in by accident, but they did not fully clear the perimeter and a sniper got away.

You were feeling very suspicious about the whole deal, it was intuition, and you just knew something was wrong. Luckily, you saw the red dot on Mori’s chest, had enough balls to push him aside, and got yourself two beautiful bullets in your chest. You survived and got the permission to have one wish granted. You could ask whatever you want. You thanked your new direct Boss and asked him to keep this for the future when you would find a wish worthy of the occasion. You got yourself noticed, what weakling would dare touch the Boss in such a manner? So you started to be involved in more high-profiling missions. You received special training from the Black Lizards, transforming you into one of the finest assassins the Mafia had at its disposal. A killing machine, who did not ask twice about the victim, just got the job done. ‘’No hard feelings’’ was the last phrase every one of your victims heard. And your way of doing your job was very interesting to Mori. Approaching the targets in plain sight, gaining their trust in so little time, then breaking it when killing them. Every one of your missions seemed like a personal revenge you took. And Mori was definitely pleased, his mind coming up with different plans on how he could use his new pawn.

How ironic everything seemed to you. To be in front of the man Chuuya was trying to protect you from. Saving said man with your own life and getting your hands dirty just like him. Definitely, he did not expect his plan to backfire like that. You were dying to see his reaction when he would find out. Well, you will not be there, probably, as you were set to have some solo missions, which started exactly the day he was going to return. You were grateful, it would give you a bit more time. For what? You didn’t know. But you did not feel ready to see him again. Well, it was something you’ll worry about another day, now, you let yourself cry, be desperate again, and hope for the release of death. Tomorrow, you’ll get your knives and guns attached to you again.

The days rolled around and you departed to your new series of missions first thing in the morning. Little did you know that at the same time, in Mori’s office, a meeting regarding your future was happening.

‘’Chuuya-kun, as always your results are impeccable. You’ll get days off until your new partner will return from her missions’’.

Chuuya raised an eyebrow. He was tired and done with it all. But he definitely did not expect to have a new partner upon his return. He liked his solo missions and did not want to have to carry someone’s slack around. But he had little to no energy to fight. He just wanted to get in contact with Dazai right now and ask about her. His mind was only about her and how to make things right again, in case she did not move on.

‘’Thank you and who is her?’’

‘’ Her name is Shadow’’. 

[chuuyaswifeandhoe]

Had this bugging me for a while, thought I'd put it out here.

That was unexpected. Why? This was the only question roaming in your head.

“Honey?”

His voice startled you. You turned around to face him.

“Chu? What is all this?” You looked puzzled at his pretty face.

He smiled, getting your hands in his bringing them to his lips and gently kissing them.

“What does it look like? I made a pillow forth”.

“A pillow forth?”

“Exactly.”

“Why?”

He blinked a few times then grined.

“Because you said you missed to do one and you talked very fondly about these particular memories so I made one.”

Your heart skipped a beat. How can he be so attentive and perfect and everything you could've asked for

It was almost unreal, you could not believe it.

“You made all this just because at a certain point I told you about a childhood memory?”

He was now getting anxious. Why were you so surprised? Wasn't it a good memory? Did he cross a line?

“Yes… oi, doll, why you crying?” His heartbeat sped up, and his gloved hands abandoned yours, cuping your face.

“You don't like, it, I shouldn't have…”

You cut him off, getting his hands off your face and hugging him, your tears staining his shirt.

“It's perfect, thank you”. You could not express how grateful you were, how this little gesture won your heart all over again.

He sighed panting the top of your head, one hand around your waist. He did not know why you reacted like this, but he was going to find out later. But what was certain, he was going to keep showing you how much he cared about everything that goes through your mind and how much he loved you.

[remlionheart]

I’ve had a lot of anime loves over the course my life but this idiot will always hold a very special and sentimental place in my heart ♡

(only if you want to): @chuuyaswifeandhoe @crimesofoz @kentofic @rinhaler @pe4rl-diver

Tag game!! . ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ ✨

Birthday colour vs favourite character.

Link to birthday colour

Tagging: @white-flower-blooming // @shaxxophone // @queerferalgremlinnooneaskedfor // @31duskballs // @weepingpussywillowtree // @subtlybrilliant // @jadedzer0// @icarus-suraki // @oneiro-nautical // @fismoll7secinv // @princessofxianle // @quilleth //

૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა if you are not tagged but want to join, please feel free to reblog this post with your results and favourite character, I'd love to see it!!

[chuuyaswifeandhoe]

Do you wanna say something?

Pairing: Chuuya x femreader

Warnings: pet names, teasing, swearing

I blame @ravencincaide for the creation this fic. She's my biggest inspiration when it comes to writing.

Reading on the sofa of your shared apartment was one of your favorite activities. And today the weather was also your partner, the rain hitting the windows being a relaxing sound for you. You were so caught up in that book, an enemy-to-lovers series, giggling like a teenager at every intense scene you passed, that you did not hear your dear boyfriend calling on you.

‘’Y/N!’’

You yelped, taking your gaze from your book to look for your boyfriend, it was not like him to raise his voice. Chuuya only chuckled when he saw your confused look and spoke again.

‘’Seems that the book has totally captivated you, doll.’’ He raised an eyebrow, taking out a bottle of wine from the cabinets. ‘’You want one?’’

You blushed at his affirmation. Of course, you were captivated, you were getting to the one-bed trope part in the book.  ‘’Yes, it’s a really… nice book. And yes, I’d love one, thank you!’’ Telling him exactly what was happening was out of discussion right now. You had to find out what the two characters were going to do.

He just hums while pouring you a glass. ‘’ Did you eat anything today or you just had your hands glued to the book?’’.

‘’Hmm? Oh, yeah I actually did eat a sandwich earlier.’’ your gaze never left the pages while responding.

‘’Good girl!’’ Chuuya chimed while sitting on the sofa near you.

That was the moment you stopped reading, your mind went blank. You blushed and covered your face with the book, what did he call you?? He could not do it, at least not right now. You were already flustered by whatever was going on in the book, you could not handle Chuuya teasing you. Sensing that something changed, Chuuya turned his head to look at you, only to find your pretty face covered with the damn book.

‘’Aww, did my pretty girl get all flustered from so little?’’ he smirked, one of his hands finding one of yours and pulling to get the obstacle out of his way so he could look at you.

‘’No, no, no, I don’t know what you’re talking about!’’ Your mere attempts to keep the book close to your face were useless, your strength not matching the gravity manipulator in any way.

‘’But I think you know, or you wouldn’ try to cover your cute face, would you? Now be my good girl and remove the book so I can be sure I am incapable of making you flustered.’’ He grinned, knowing this was going to be a very fun game. The more you wanted to deny that he had this effect on you, the more he was going to press the matter. Win-win for him.

‘’C’mon Chuuya, let me read!’’ You tried to protest, but he continued to tug at your book, succeeding in getting it off your face, showing him the blushing mess you were, your lips parted. He could only smirk at the sight, of you being so adorable.

‘’Such a good kitten you are! See, it wasn’t so hard.’’ His voice was like honey, pouring down, making you shiver. He knew what he was doing and you loved and hated it at the same time. And the fact your mind was already inebriated by the enemies-to-lovers book did not help with your situation. You let out a squeal, feeling his eyes burning your skin and you put your hands to cover your expressive face.

"Tsk! You were such a good little one, worthy of my praise, now you wanna become a naughty girl, doll face?" He was trying so hard to not break character and laugh seeing how you squirmed at every word. He loved teasing you, it was always a pleasure to catch you unguarded, making you a blushing mess, incapable of letting out any coherent thoughts. The most rewarding ones were the ones where he could see you getting down on the floor because you could not handle it anymore, almost melting away under his words.

You let out something that resembled a moan, but you were not sure. Fuck, you felt your face burning, and you were almost sure that you were worse than a tomato. It was not fair for him to be such a tease with you!

‘Chuu’ his nickname purred out of your lips, a desperate attempt to make him stop, but it just had the opposite effect. His hands grabbed your wrists pinning them over your head, his eyes scanning your features with a grin.

"Do you wanna say something, little brat? Hmm, to think you were doing so good for me a few moments ago, naughty, naughty girl. Now, say that I’m having no effect on you my sweet angel and I’ll just go back to my wine." His voice was almost innocent, but you knew better than to be fooled by his tone. He approached your face, his gaze over your trembling lips, then staring directly into your soul.

You inhaled sharply, it was too much, and your mind went blank. This was clearly a trap, one that you would walk right into independently of what answer you were to give him. An ‘I hate you’ left your lips in a desperate attempt to hurt him, but he started laughing.

"Trying to give me an attitude princess? Being such a rebellious little brat will get you nowhere. How about you try again, my little devil, hmm? C’mon, you might end up regretting every moment of this sassy attitude… or that’s exactly what you want, hmm? Maybe it is time I teach you a lesson."

[chuuyaswifeandhoe]

You shouldn't trust your shadow

Pairing: Chuuya x femreader

Warnings: angst, swearing, mention of death

Not proof read

Third part of the series: I Not today; II If only

“NO!!!”

“Yes”. 

Both voices spoke at the same time. You sighed but didn't say anything else, waiting for Mori to decide what was going to happen next. Chuuya on the other hand was fuming. He didn't want to have a conjoined mission with you. No, actually scratch that, he didn't want to have you here, in this room, in this life. Well, you certainly did not expect him to be excited about the change of events, but your plan was working. Mori putting you two together was just the cherry on top and made you almost happy. Obviously, you weren't going to disobey an order from your direct boss. 

You came home from the mission two days ago, had two days off and you were called in an urgent meeting. Opening the door of Mori's office your eyes met the back of your ex-lover. For a few seconds, a wave of emotions hit you, questioning if it was a good idea to be there, eyes widening. But you put your icy mask back on “You called, Boss?”. 

Chuuya was annoyed at the fact that Mori wanted him to be paired with a new recruit. It didn't matter how good she was and what an outstanding evolution this girl had. He couldn't find any information about you, it was like you vanished, so his mind was worrying just about this problem. Dazai only knew that you visited the apartment you both lived in at every six-month mark of the break up then disappeared without a trace. But he didn't expect to hear your voice here. No, it couldn't be, it was just a coincidence, it was just a similar one. His heart clenched in his chest and suddenly it was hard to breathe. He slowly glanced over his shoulder to see the person who spoke, praying all existing Gods that his mind played a trick on him and just mistook your voice. And then he saw you. For the first time in a long time, he saw his beloved and his heart shattered all over again like the day he had to break up with you. Big blue eyes scanned over your features, taking in the scars over your legs, the deathly stare you were carrying, the emotionless voice. Even though he was sure Y/N was in front of him, it was like he did not recognize you. Where was the light in your eyes, your kind smile, and just that warmth you had in yourself? 

“Shadow, you'll be paired with executive Nakahara for the following missions. Do you have any complaints?’’

‘’ No, boss.’’ your voice was empty, with no emotions, no cracking, you almost surprised yourself.

‘’Wait a minute boss, this…’’ It was the first time the executive’s voice cracked and he lost his composure. He did not want to do this. Have a mission with you? No, this must be a nightmare, you couldn’t be in the mafia, your place was not there!

‘’Yes, Chuuya-kun? Do you have any concerns?’’

‘’You said she was a new joiner boss, I don’t want to babysit during the missions. I don’t think she’s trained enough to have missions with me or any other executive for that matter.’’

‘’Oh, is that so? I must admit, she is indeed a new joiner compared to any other assets of the mafia, but you have near you one of our finest assassins Chuuya-kun’’.

You saw how his eyes widened in shock, a smile almost appearing on your lips. You hoped it hurt him to his core. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

‘’Chuuya-kun, I see that you still have some doubts about it. Why don’t you see how the next mission goes, then, if you are not satisfied with Shadow’s abilities, I’ll not pressure you two to work together.’’

Chuuya groaned in exasperation but then just accepted his fate. There was no point in arguing with Mori and maybe making the situation even worse than it already is.

‘‘Fine, Boss.’’

‘’You’ll receive the file for your next mission later this day. Don’t disappoint me’’.

You just bowed your head and turned on your heels, getting out of the office. You heard Chuuya’s steps right behind you, but you were set on getting away from him as soon as possible. He followed you for a while, not wanting to approach you so close to Mori’s office, so when he pulled you back by the left shoulder, your reflexes kicked in and your right hand reached for the dagger you were keeping inside your coat and put it next to his throat, now fully facing him. His eyes were big, he did not expect such a reaction, for sure.

‘’WHAT THE HELL Y/N!!?’’

You squinted your eyes at him and pushed the blade into his skin.

‘’My name is Shadow and you’ll address me as such. Y/N is dead.’’  You saw his expression change from angry to surprised, then sorrowful. He was conflicted, you could see the hurt in his eyes, how the joy of finding you was transforming into regret, in sadness. Ah, you had him exactly where you wanted. But it was not enough. You would destroy him the way he did to you. Break every fiber of his being, until life is no longer an option. 

‘’ I’m sorry…’’ These were the only words that left his lips. His voice cracked like he wanted to tell you so many things but he couldn’t. You just looked at him with a blank expression, making him so desperate for answers. He breath deeply and continued ‘’Why… why the mafia?’’

‘’An eye for an eye, a broken soul to break another. Your actions have consequences Nakahara-san. That’s why.’’ you kept your voice cold, trying so hard to mask the anger and the way you just wanted to scream at him for what he did. For how he humiliated you, how he broke you.

‘’I’m sorry, I was a fool. That’s not what I wanted, I just wanted you to move on. I did not know if I would come alive from that mission and you being associated with me would’ve just made you a target.’’ The only thing you were hearing were cheap excuses.

‘’Next time you try to touch me without my consent Nakahara-san, the dagger will not stop just to bruise your neck, understood?’’ You slowly retracted your arm and placed the dagger back in his spot. You did not have anything else to tell him. You already made a choice and his apologies will not change your mind. ‘’We’re colleagues from now on, I’ll do my part of the job, you do yours, executive Nakahara. Don’t get in my business and I’ll not get into yours. And don’t get in my way, I have no mercy towards anyone for that matter. I'm not and will not be in the light anymore. I chose for myself to step in the dark, to understand your motives, but the only thing I got is that you were a coward. People are not born with the fear of the dark but they learn to fear it. Don't trust the night, don't trust the dark, and mostly, you shouldn’t trust your shadow Nakahara-san’’

‘’So you expect me to just get used to this? To you being one of the most skilled assassins? And how the hell did that even happen? You are not able to kill!’’ Chuuya’s voice was getting louder, he wanted answers. No, he wanted redemption for both him and you. You were not a cold killer in his eyes. You were his ray of sunshine, everyone's ray of sunshine. You had bo place roaming in the shadows. He wanted to delete your smug smirk when you were saying your new name. You did not belong in the dark, lurking in the shadows of evil.

‘’ Everyone can kill with the right motivation, Chu.’’ You saw his expression change again at the use of his old nickname. But being in the same phrase as the word kill made his stomach revolve. ‘’ I expect you not to trust me or my words and I expect you to act professional. Whatever assumption you have about me is based on an old version of myself who was killed one year and a half ago in our apartment.‘’

‘’Y/N you can’t be serious. I can’t, this is madness. You’re not… you were not capable of murder. You were supposed to stay away from this blood-coded life’’ He was in denial and he was bargaining for his sanity.  ‘’You should be happy and involved in whatever activity but not in the Mafia.’’

You stayed silent for some seconds. Then, before turning around and walking away from him you left him one last message.

‘’You should learn to fear your Shadow, Nakahara-san’’

Chuuya remained petrified on the spot. How could all this happen? He pondered your last words and it only made it worse. Your message was loud and clear, going on repeat in his head, like the last thought before an imminent death: ‘’You should learn to fear me’’. 

[chuuyaswifeandhoe]

You're not saving me

Pairing: Chuuya x femreader

Warnings: angst, swearing, mention of death and rape, suicidal actions

If I missed anything, please let me know

Your eyes were empty while looking at the bodies in front of you. You heard inside your head every plea for mercy, every insult, every cry for a saviour, every thought of the person who pulled the triggers, of the ones who killed with their own hands. What a curse to be able to hear the thoughts of everyone around you. You sighed and turned to face Chuuya, your partner for this mission.

‘’They did not know anything about the location, their last thoughts were about their children or about how they did not deserve this’’. Your monotone voice would not let slip any emotions of your own. But were you having emotions other than desperation for a quick death?

‘’Tsk, what a waste of our time’’.  What was the boss thinking when organising this shit? I’m so tired of these motherfuckers trying to steal from us. Can’t we just…

‘’Can you please be quiet? Your thoughts are way too loud Nakahara’’. You snapped with annoyance. Unfortunately you did not hear only Chuuya’s thoughts, also the ones of all the other subordinates who were around you. ‘’Fuck’’. You could feel the migraine coming up. There was a reason why you stayed inside in a very isolated room. You put your hands over your ears in a pathetic attempt to make all the voices inside your head shut up.

Chuuya looked at you puzzled. He knew to some extent that your ability was hearing the other people’s thoughts and that you could not control it yet very well so you were resident of a very particular room in the mafia’s headquarters. But he never experienced going on a mission with you for more than an hour. You usually popped up at the end, using your pretty mind to listen to the tortured prisoners' thoughts then retreated right back to your cave. . Today was special from this point of view and he definitely did not understand what was going on with you.

‘’Hey, what’s wrong with you?’’

You groaned listening to his internal monologue about your powers and how he did not understand what was going on or how to help you.

‘’I’m around too many people right now and my head feels like it is going to explode.’’ You turned on your heels and went straight to the car. ‘’My job is done here, and I’m not cleaning up the mess your incompetent subordinates did’’. You hoped that one of them would get angry and accidentally put a bullet through your skull. Once in the car, the turmoil inside your head got quieter, but definitely did not stop. You turned on the radio, turning it on the highest volume, helping to muffle all the voices you were hearing inside your head: Who does she think she is; What a bitch; With the first chance I catch her I’m going to..‘’WHAT THE HELL L/N?’’ Chuuya’s voice brought you back to earth, as he lowered the volume of the radio. ‘’Why did you turn the radio on the highest volume? Do you want us to get caught by the government? Do you have a death wish?’’

‘’Yes.’’ Your straightforward answer caught Chuuya off guard. ‘’Not the government part, the death wish part’’ you felt the need to clarify your answer. 

‘’ I swear you resemble Dazai a little too much’’.

‘’ Thank you’’ a smile graced your lips/

‘’ It was not a compliment’’ Chuuya furrowed his eyebrows. 

‘’ For me it definitely is. Please don’t take this road, it is way too busy’’, you pointed to a more secluded option.

‘’ What’s the deal with you?’’ Chuuya spared you a glance before returning his attention back to the road.

It was not a conversation you were in the mood for. Hearing the questions inside his pretty head made you reluctant to respond, it would have opened the door to memories you did not want to remember and also it would have made you focus only on his thoughts and it would consume a lot of your energy.

‘’Not knowing the colleagues you work with it’s not a very good sign, Chuuya-san’’. You watched in the corner of your eyes how his face contorted in a very unpleasant grimace. His internal monologue definitely matched his expression, you noticed.

‘’Oh cut the bullshit and you know what I’ve meant, you’re reading my mind aren’ you?’’ A soft chuckle escaped your lips, and Chuuya’s heart fluttered while he tried by all means to stop any thought from forming.

“Is no use Chuuya, I still hear your internal monologue. You don't know about the deal I have with Mori?” You were curious. You could've sworn that everyone in the mafia was informed about it. 

“Deal? What are you talking about?” His thoughts were suddenly all over the place, so you know he's telling the truth. You sighed thinking if telling him was a good idea. Maybe, maybe if you tell him, he could actually help you? 

“As I assume you already know, my ability is “To be or not to be?”, meaning I can read minds. The problem is that I can't control it. So I hear everyone’s thoughts, every little insignificant thing, every minute of the day, in any place I am, with no idea what the safe distance is for me not hearing anything. So in my head, I rarely hear my own thoughts because I hear all the other ones.’’ The last sentence was bitter, for you this was not an ability but a hex. One that you could not escape. You took in a deep breath trying to ignore the voice of the woman who was begging his husband to stop beating her, or the child who was screaming internally that it’s not his fault. ‘’Do you know why I joined the Port Mafia, Chuuya?’’ It was not a question you want him to answer, you look back in front of you, at the road Chuuya was driving on, the orange light of a magnificent sunset making everything prettier ‘’To find the person whose ability was to put a stop to all the other abilities.’’

‘’Dazai’’ Chuuya murmured.

‘’Exactly, the only issue is that I arrived a few years too late and he was no longer in the mafia. And unfortunately for me, Mori was not going to let me leave that easily so we made a deal. I help him with the gang issue and he’ll let me join the most dangerous missions where I can get killed easily in a fire gun exchange. What the motherfucker forgot to mention is that his executive to which I was going to be assigned to was the most skilled person in the entire fucking mafia and would not let a bullet even come in my way, not to mention go through my skull!’’. You raised your tone towards the end unintentionally, but your frustration was clear.

‘’What? You’re pissed that you got paired up with me?’’ Chuuya suddenly hit the brakes, stopping the car.

‘’Kinda’’ you huffed.

‘’Why? Because I’m protecting you!? Are you dumb or something?’’ Chuuya was now fully facing you, fuming.

You let a smile grace your lips. His internal rage was so loud in your head.

‘’Chuuya, you’re not protecting me, you’re only prolonging my suffering. You do not understand what it means to not know which one of the voices inside your head is yours. You do not know what it means to hear the thoughts which go through the head of your victims in their last moments. To hear a teenage girl asking herself if another outfit would have saved her from being brutally murdered after being raped. Or the thoughts of the murderer on how easy fresh meat gets sliced by his precious knife. Or being in a crowd and all you can hear is noise in your head and it feels like your skull is going to explode. Judgements, prayers, indecent thoughts towards strangers or myself. Fuck, you know how hard is to get through the meeting your having with all your lower rank subordinates is? How I hear in my head how they’d bang me if they have the chance or what a slut I must be for being put directly under your supervision? Or being a five years old who did not know to explain what is inside her head, hearing her parents resent her birth?’’ At this point tears were streaming down your cheeks, without you noticing until you looked towards two sad pairs of eyes.

A gloved hand made his way towards your face and slowly wiped out your tears.

‘’What can I do for you?’’ Chuuya’s voice was unsure. You heard his thoughts, and how he wants to help you, how he wants to change something in your life, he's so sure there could be a solution. You put your palm over the hand which was still cupping the side of your face, giving in to his touch, giggling at his pure intentions. Then you look at him with pleading eyes.

‘’Let me die, Chuuya’’.

[ravencincaide]

Yelp looks like I'm a layered cake?

To be fair I do like cake! Thank you so so much @soleelia for tagging me. First time I'm tagged in one of these! Sooo happy And of course I'm gonna pass it on! try @chuuyaswifeandhoe @avocate-assia-dazai @acommonstargirl and anyone else who'd like to try!

TAG GAME

find out what cake you are LINK

— job hunting village

IM A CUPCAKE GUYS 😭👍

tagging : @ikzume @boyfhee @hoonvrs @hsgpoet @okwons @okwonyo @odxrilove @tyunni @goldenhypen @euncsace @bywons @jaeyunverse @100203s @wonryllis @lilacnini @shuamorollss @isoobie @stareesm

[chuuyaswifeandhoe]

You should've stayed in

Pairing: Chuuya x femreader

Warnings: pure angst, Corrupted Chuuya, grotesque images, swearing, I'm sorry

If I missed something let me know. Not proof read.

After writing something for my friend @ravencincaide inspiration came to me. Raven I have to thank you for encouraging me to write and this piece is dedicated to you.

Happy New Year everyone! (Pls don't hate me)

How did you get in this situation? You had no fucking idea. Your boyfriend told you to stay inside, the city was under attack and he had to go attend to his duties of the Mafia in order to protect the city. So why were you in the middle of the battle field again?

Right, the unsettling feeling that got a hold of your soul once Chuuya was out of your shared apartment. You told him to take care, to be safe, but this grip on your heart would not let you stay in peace. Something was about to happen, you got the feeling that you're never going to see Chuuya again so without thinking much, obviously you did not think this through, you just ran after him. Why? Ughm... You actually did not know. You were a mere civilian without any particular set of skills or anything so you definitely could not do anything to help him. But you just had to.

Now you did not like what you were seeing. There was Chuuya, yes, but in his corrupted form. It was him, but not him, your sweet, loving Chuu. Well he was definitely winning against the enemy, red globes of power shoot here and there and a sadic laugh. Hell, he was powerful, out of this world. You did not know everything about his other form, just enough to have an idea. And enough to know that once activated, Corruption could only be deactivated by Dazai and his "No longer human" ability.

You were hiding behind some debris at an acceptable distance from the destruction Chuuya was doing and clear enough to see that Dazai was not around. Your heart was racing like crazy, pounding so fast and loud that you thought it was going to burst out of your ribcage. It ached when you saw Chuuya spitting out blood, his body slowly giving up because of the intensity of the power he held .

"C'mon Dazai, C'mon". Biting your nails you looked around frantically to see his brownish coat, the only one who could save your lover. The screams Chuuya was emitting were inhumane to say the least. Your legs start moving on their own, a rush of adrenaline taking over. You had to get closer, you had to do something.

You got closer and could better see the damages his body suffered. Burn marks, cuts bigger or smaller, blood all over the place. His beautiful blue orbs were nowhere to be found. Another look around in hope you're going to see Dazai. A pit in your stomach formed when you realised that he was not here. Chuuya was going to die in front of your eyes. No, no, you were not going to let that happen. Your mind started racing trying to find a solution. Well, maybe, maybe if you could kiss him, maybe there was a possibility he could come to his senses right? Like in the movies, yes, it was a possibility. That thought continued spinning in your mind, "that pretty little mind of yours" as Chuuya used to say. You had to take this chance, you could not risk it so without overthinking it you just start running in his direction.

Luckily, thanks to some type of miracle he did not see you coming as you just jumped on him in a hug. For a moment his movements came to a halt. The big orbs from his hand disappeared. In this split of a second you cuped his face and crashed your lips to his, feeling the metallic taste of his blood. That was it, right, it would work. He stopped for a few seconds, the intensity of the power was decreasing. You made a mental dance for your win.

Then what was this sudden pain you were feeling in your chest area and why suddenly a fit of cough of blood hit you? In a flash of a second one of Chuuya's hands just passed through your ribcage tearing out your heart from its place. When you opened your eyes, you were met with the blank white ones of his, no sign of your Chuu there. It hurt. As you stumbled back, falling you saw your lover holding your heart in his right arm. Once you hit the ground you could hear a scream of pain and your name called out. So this was how you're going to die. In your last seconds of consciousness your mind focused on a memory of your and Chuuya kissing, the sounds of desperation slowly fading away. At least Dazai came, he was safe. So much of being a hero.

Yeah, I should've stayed in was the last thought that crossed your mind before the sweet embrace of death engulfed you.

[chuuyaswifeandhoe]

I should've locked you in

Pairing: Chuuya x femreader

Read first You should've stay in to better understand this part. It can also be read individually.

Warnings: grief, grotesque images, pain, swearing, mention of Corruption Chuuya, mentions of death and killing

Not proof read.

If I missed anything please let me know.

The first thing I felt after I became conscious of is the metallic taste of blood inside my mouth. Always leaving me to almost die of blood loss, that shitty Dazai. I have this dreadful feeling and I feel like crying. My mind is still blank, memories are starting to flood in from the moment I used Corruption.

What a pity to be semi-conscious while not being able to control the body.

"Rest Chibi, you'll need it" I mark out to be Dazai's voice. My head's pounding, voice hoarse. My right hand is holding something almost squishy, my eyes not quite understanding the image yet, but by touch I feel the blood around it. Then it all hits at once. The hug, the kiss, my...

Panicked eyes search for her, and I spot in front of me a bloodied body with a hole in the middle of the chest. A scream of terror escapes my lips as realization sits in my mind. I did not recognize my voice, strained from the previous outrage, my vocal cords hurting.

"Y/N!!!" I continuously repeated her name again and again. Tears streamed down on my face and I wanted to take a step forward, to get closer, to be surprised and see her breathing, to do something.

This is gotta be one of the worst outcomes of using Corruption. My view is hazy, blood and tears combined fall down as I fall on my knees, my body slowly giving up and asking for the well deserved rest. I scream her name all over again like a prayer to God, maybe, just maybe I could bring her back.

"NO, NO, NO, NO". I was not in control of myself anymore. The only thing I could do was scream from the depths of my soul, that if I had one remaining. The agony was interrupted for a few seconds by a cough fit, blood continuing to pour out of my body. I felt my body slowly going numb from the pain and exhaustion. It could not end like this. There's only one solution.

"Grantors of dark disgrace do not w..." The only thought I had in my head was that I need to join her. My body should give up for good after another try, i figured. It would serve me right, disintegrate in the most painful way possible, the flesh of my body burning and melt under the power of the being inside me. Feeling how the muscles would tear apart, and how the burning sensation would bring me to the edge of madness. It would still be an easy punishment for the sins of this body, the pain of death being less hurtful than the pain which will consume my soul because my own hands killed her. This weak body which could not stop the motion of ripping out a heart, her heart and my heart at the same time.

I felt a pat on my back and my wise widened before collapsing on the ground completely

"I'm sorry Chuuya, but I can't let you do you, she wouldn't want this" Dazai's voice was dry and if I would be fully functional I could say he was sad.

I wanted to scream, to tell him to fuck off and leave me alone to join her. I could not have a life without her. Nothing came out, my vocal cords refusing to collaborate. Before blacking out I could only blame myself "I locked you in", "I should've locked that door".

[chuuyaswifeandhoe]

Chuuya is so husband material, I can't explain in enough words. This man will give you the fucking moon if you ask him to. He'd be the cockiest bitch ever when bragging about his beautiful wife and how lucky he is to have you. This man will burn down the world for you.

How can I fall in love in real life when Chuuya exists?

[chuuyaswifeandhoe]

TW: death

And in the end, when you choose to die or death finally chooses you, you're alone. You're thinking about everything that got you to that point and, of course, in accordance with your choice you'll receive the last sentence with a smile or some tears. In accordance with your desire, you'll try to grip life's sleeves to stay in the world for some more moments or you'll look at her, thanking for what was but not wanting to know what will ever be.

But throughout the process, you'll be alone. As alone as you've always been, but lived in snippets and impressions of having a shared experience. They say in life there're only three constants: changes, taxes and death. It is almost peculiar, but there's always one more certainty. When you die, you're alone.

[ravencincaide]

Men like flowers too 

Summary: When you get him flowers for valentines day, his reaction is far from what you expected OR sometimes taking a risk pays off. 

Pairing: fem! reader x Chuuya 

Requested by: @chuuyaswifeandhoe Thank you so much for your request, it was most certainly one of the more challenging ones for me. Still I hope this is at least a fraction of what you imagined 🩷

Warnings: cursing, reckless driving, very very light hint at possible sexual content

You did not know whether this was a good idea or if it would somehow make the already disappointing Valentine's turn a bitter-sour awkward experience as you missed the mark entirely. Twisted precious Japanese traditions into something western-influenced- but not really. All the while making a hot mess of yourself in the process.

But you were about to find out. 

Without a second thought, you opened the passenger side of the bright red sports car and you flopped down into the leather seats quickly and in-elegantly. You made sure you were inside the vehicle and ready to go before your beloved valentine had a chance to finish his textmessage. The second a low tsk’ made it past his lips followed with a half-hearted curse as his thumb brushed over the turn-off button of the small device, you made your move.

“ Here you go” Your voice was a sing-song purr as you stretched more like dump in his lap a box of especially imported wine infused chocolates and the exceptionally large and ridiculous bouquet of red and orange flowers tied together with a matching obnoxious ribbon that ended in a rosette. You tried to sound casual- like this was the most natural thing in the world for you to do as you reached towards the seatbelt. 

Still you watched Chuuya’s reaction closely.

First, the way his eyes widened, a mildly surprised expression clouded the otherwise focused and slightly work-annoyed look. Then his lips set into a straight line: a thin, displeased thing. As if you had just critiqued him to his face about something Chuuya had done but had not had the chance to show it off to you.Yet. 

An unjustified disappointment.  

“ Did you buy these for yourself, Sweetheart?” Before you could answer he leaned towards the passenger side, the flowers you got almost squashed between you two. His fingers grasped your chin and forced you to look him straight in the eyes. No escape from those piercing orbs. 

“ Y/N what did we say? You never buy flowers for yourself, Baby-girl. Especially not on fucking Valentines of all days- that is my job” he kept his voice low and leveled, yet the red of his eyes gave you an indication of how annoyed he was. No how angry he got at the mere thought that you consider him so incompetent so as to not get you flowers on the one day a year dedicated to love in western traditions.

Japanese traditions could go screw themselves. He was not about to do nothing for you while you showered him in chocolates of all shapes, makes, qualities and sizes. 

“ They’re for you, silly” you replied with a small nervous smile tugged on the corners of your lips. However your nervous smile was quickly replaced with an amused one as you watched his eyes widen, returning back to stunning blue as he shifted them away from you and down towards the flowers between you. They widened as they landed on the petals, getting bent in between your bodies. Quickly he moved back and placed the flowers down onto his lap while he cleared his throat in silent apology. His mind obviously searched for something to say that was not the typical flat ‘thank you’ yet it came up empty. Much to his own frustration and your satisfaction. And the pink tint on his cheeks served as the cherry on top. 

This reaction was not one you would forget anytime soon. 

“ Uh-huh thanks– ahh what the heck” Chuuya started the car without warning before he pulled out of the mall parking lot, his speed double the legal limit. You rushed to get your seatbelt on in the meantime. 

The second you turned your eyes back to the road you realized something. 

“ C-chuu this isn’t the way to the Head Quarters” you gasped as he pulled out into the highway. Had your orders changed while you were collecting his gift? No, they hadn’t, you realized in horror as his lips pulled up into a smirk, while one of his hands let go of the steering wheel and dropped into your lap, giving your thigh a loving squeeze. It was a hint as to what was to come once he finally got you home. Before you could reason with him, said hand started moving upwards,drawing a startled “ Chuuya!” from your lips.

Author note: Happy Valentines day! I hope this request fullfilled your expectations. I'm aware this is not as smooth as my usual ones but I still hope it drew a smile from your lips!

This was the last SFW fic for today. The remaining three will fall within the NSFW category. So for some of you, Raven's special is coming to an end with this fic. I hope you have enjoyed and thank you all who have participated and send requests 🩷

Like this work and want more? Check out Raven's Masterlist

©ravencincaide 2024. Do not copy/repost/translate or spread my work(s) without my explicit permission. If you see any of my work(s) reposted/copied anywhere else without my consent, please inform me!

[ravencincaide]

Someone else to blame 

Summary: Different people deal with grief differently. Some accept it and move on while others suppress the memories. For Chuuya however, an existence without you is simply not an option. 

Pairing Chuuya x Reader, a hint at SKK x Reader

Inspired by Sweetober prompt 16: Familiar scents

Author note: @chuuyaswifeandhoe Darlin your beautiful fic hurt me (in the best angsty way possible), and made me peep out of my vacation to post this. Lets hope this does the same to you! This one is for everyone who loves angst, and especially those who've experienced grief.

Warning: Grief, cursing, alcohol, angst Enjoy~

______________________________________________________________

Chuuya sighed heavily as he stared at the little key with a bright blue tag laying innocently in the palm of his gloved hand. He was leaning his entire body weight against the wall, his hat pulled down over his eyes and his coat zipped all the way up. For once, he was trying to make himself as unapproachable to the people around him as possible. Still he could hear the whispers from the girls in the opposite corner, giggling and urging one of their friends to ask him for his number. Aside from that there was a gentle ticking of the elevator as it crawled higher and higher until it reached the top floor of the skyscraper. A ding and the doors opened. 

Chuuya was the first one to get out. 

Before the girls could grab his attention Chuuya strode through the narrow corridor with simple apartment doors on either side, stopping outside the apartment located at the very end. He pushed the key into the lock, turning it in one swift movement before entering the dark hallway. He heard light steps behind him accompanied with a gentle ‘excuse me sir’. Rather than reply, Chuuya pretended not to hear, shutting the door and locking it. He lingered in the hallway long enough to hear the girls let out a whine of disappointment before finally leaving. Then,only then, did he finally kick off his shoes. Letting the bag of groceries fall to the floor, he picked his shoes up, squeezing them into the stand between your heels and sneakers. 

“ God Y/N you really need to look into your neighbors before picking an apartment.” He called as he picked up the bag and left the small hallway, switching on the lights on his way into the small living room which consisted of a couch, a table, a small tv and small couch-side drawer with a lamp on it. In one end of the corner stood several flat boxes- the unbuilt bookshelf. And by it high stacks of books, course literature mixed together with fantasy and dark romance. “ And we still need to build that bookshelf.” 

His eyes lingered on the dirt on top of the boxes, making a mental note of dusting sometime in the coming days before he headed to the small kitchenette with barely enough space for two people to stand side by side and cook. Opening the fridge door which was positioned awkwardly by the entrance he put in the newly bought groceries before he began folding the plastic bag into a small square. Then he tucked it into the overfilled bottom drawer of one of the cupboards opposite the fridge. 

“ Yes yes I know you hate it when I smoke Y/N” he said with a hint of annoyance in his voice “ Give me a break, work was hell today.” He left the kitchen and headed towards the bathroom- the best part of this entire apartment, turning on all lights in his wake. Opening the door, he could feel the heated floor through his socks as he trott over to the bathroom sink. Beside it stood a bottle of mouthwash, extra strong mint. To his side was the upraised shower cabin with frosted glass and on opposite it another door leading towards the bathtub and Your personal space filled with all sorts of foreign creams and salts half of which he couldn’t understand. But he tried. For you.  

Taking the mouthwash he began rinsing, feeling his mouth growing numb by the second. A minute later he spat it out, wiping away the residue on his lips onto the back of his glove. “ Sweetheart, can you remind me to buy a different mouthwash? Honestly if I gotta wash my mouth out with this after every smoke I may as well quit right now!” 

Leaning against the sink, Chuuya took several deep breaths. He could feel the stinging behind the eyelids but stubbornly refused to acknowledge it. “ We can also get that cream you like too, right love?” his voice shook slightly at the end. He stood with his head bowed for a long moment, doing his absolute best to avoid the mirror in front of him. 

Man was he pathetic.

Growling to himself, Chuuya pushed away from the sink, stomping out of the bathroom. He slammed the door shut behind himself, making the frail wood shake in the frame. “ I’ll see if it's broken tomorrow” he stated bluntly as he made quick way back towards the kitchen. This time his attention was on the liquor standing tucked away in the side of the little bench space. Chuuya eyed the selection quickly, his eyes landing on the barely touched bottle of Sacred Peated. For a change, he picked it over his fancy bottles of wine standing further in. With his other hand he reached into the cupboard in front of him and pulled out a single whiskey glass before he quickly fled back into the living room. 

Chuuya dropped himself onto the couch, salvaging the feeling of soft cushions hugging his body. He leaned back against the animal shaped pillows scattered all over, then opened the bottle of whiskey, pouring a shot. He had to lean quite far forward, over the cushion on the tatami floor and his usual spot in order to place the bottle on the table. Then he leaned back again, out of habit twirling the glass of liquor in his hand. Even without bringing it closer he could smell the smokey-nutty scent. He hesitated only a moment before he brought the glass to his lips and downed it in one go. Chuuya could feel his throat burn and he coughed several times after, until the burning became manageable.

“ God Y/N how can you love this shit?” he gaped, staring down at the now-empty whiskey glass as if it would answer him. It didn’t, but it also didn’t take long until he began feeling a familiar tipsy warmness. He was certain his face was flushed. 

He never could hold his alcohol- not like you. 

Looking to the side, Chuuya picked up the pillow closest to himself. It was in the shape of a cat, Chuuya stared at it for a long moment. Then he brought it to his face and took a deep breath. Nothing. No if anything the little cat smelled more of Dazai than it did of you. No doubt because the mackerel had a habit of hugging it whenever he came over. Letting out a scream, Chuuya tossed the thing across the room before burying his head in his hands. He couldn’t believe how quickly your scent was fading away. He didn’t want it to. 

“ Fuck Y/N.” Chuuya whispered “ Fuck.” 

He stayed seated there until he could feel his cheeks beginning to burn. The stinging in his eyes returned. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest, as if begging to tear itself to shreds. God why did it have to hurt so much? 

Getting up he slowly went up to the one room he had yet to visit. Your bedroom. Tucked furthest away into the small apartment, behind the heaviest oak door in the entire place, out-matching even the front door. Chuuya’s hand shook as he put it on the doorknob. He knew he shouldn’t go in too often- not unless he wanted the smell to change there too. However tonight he decided to indulge in the sweet temptation. Opening the door he quickly stepped in before closing it behind himself. The place was the only part of the apartment that never changed- as if you had just rushed out to class that morning. As if you never– left. He still couldn’t bring himself to think about it- let alone say that ugly word. 

Closing his eyes, Chuuya took a deep breath.  His senses filled with the stuffy dusty air and a then a much more faint sweet scent. It was your scent. He’d pick it out anywhere. Shakily he reached out blindly to the side where he knew your clothing rack stood full of autumn and winter accessories, feeling his fingers brush against material he grabbed at it. Then he darted out of the room, closing the door firmly and quickly behind himself, terrified he tainted one of the last fragments he had left of you. 

He returned back to the couch and poured himself another shot of whiskey, downing half before he dared to look at what he had taken. It was a soft white scarf- one he bought for you on one of the dates that ran particularly late. Laying down, Chuuya placed the scarf on his face and took another deep breath. Besides your familiar scent he could make out the light hint of your perfume, a smell you picked up after the two of you started dating more seriously. It was actually a little too mature for you, for your age. He felt his eyes sting and this time he did nothing to stop the tears as he remembered all the times you tried to make yourself appear older, holding back your childish desires as if it would put him off.  Then his mind drifting back to each and every memory he had of you wearing this scarf; the embarrassed look when he bought it for you just because your eyes had lingered a little longer on it than the other items in the shop, then the way you’d wear it whenever he’d pick you up after class, the way you’d cocoon yourself in it whenever it got chilly. The terrified sound of your voice when you called him late one night after having forgotten it in his rental car. The bright smile on your lips when he went out of his way to drive it out to you early the following morning. The way- 

“ God sweetheart I miss you. I miss you so fucking much.” His shoulders began to shake with his sobs, regret and guilt tearing at him “ What I wouldn’t give to have you back. Even for just another hour.” 

Ding-dong. 

Chuuya heard the doorbell ring. He made no move to get up off the couch and just buried his face deeper into the soft material, inhaling your smell. It brought him comfort, like a warm hug that told him everything would be okay- that you forgave him. A fantasy he knew he had no right to even dream about.

Ding-Dong, Diiiing Dong, Diiiiiing dong-

More desperately the doorbell rang. For a moment Chuuya’s heart jumped into his throat as he flew up from the couch, practically jumping over the table and into the hallway. It was impossible but maybe- just maybe his prayers were answered. 

Opening the door, his hopeful smile dropped, his heart clenching painfully as he was once again, painfully reminded that you wouldn’t be coming back through that front door. Ever. 

Outside stood Dazai, almost awkwardly shifting from one leg to the other. The number of bandages on him had significantly increased and he looked as if he had lost both sleep and weight. Perhaps even the last bit of his sanity if he came here of all places. Dazai’s blank eyes shifted from Chuuya’s red ones, then to your scarf in his hand. He could understand the sentiment well, the longing towards the gentle familiar smell. You.  Raising an unopened bottle of Sacred Peated he motioned for Chuuya to step aside and let him in “ I see you’ve already started, you dog” 

“ Who are you calling a dog? Idiot Dazai,” Chuuya replied with malice in his voice as he slumped backwards, dragging his heavy body back towards the couch. There he dropped into the cushions, careful not to wrinkle or damage the scarf. With shaking hands he folded it slowly, salvaging the last seconds of vulnerability as he heard Dazai moving around your kitchen. The sound was not weird or unfamiliar- instead it brought back other memories of the three of you at this very table. Drinking, teasing each other and then the two of them teaching you less than proper games. It started with Strip Rock-paper-scissors that Dazai picked up in a brothel and continued with ‘unbound truth or dare cards’ you got as a joke gift from some friends. 

It only escalated from there. 

Seeming to share those memories Dazai came over and set a deck of cards with hand painted butterfly designs on one side of the table, as if to signify your presence. Neither of them could handle seeing your face or your picture. Not yet at least. 

Then he moved to sit down on the cushion on the floor opposite Chuuya, his usual spot. His hands reached out towards the cat pillow that was lying not too far away. He set it in his lap out of habit. Then he proceeded to fill up the two empty glasses he brought from the kitchen almost to the brim. Before making sure to refill up Chuuyas partially empty glass to match the other three. One he placed on the short side not far from the deck of cards, the place that was between himself and Chuuya- Your usual spot. He took the second one in his hand. 

Just like Chuuya, he didn't bother with ice. 

Suddenly Dazai chuckled as he raised the glass to his lips “ I swear Y/N, I’ve never met anyone who was as bad at strip-poker as you. Even with ten extra layers!” The memory drew a pitiful chuckle out of Chuuya as well, knowing well what Dazai was referring to. 

“ Or someone who was such a sore loser.” Chuuya remembered. Now it was Dazai’s turn to laugh- a sad echo with no real humor behind it.

 “ I think we made it up to Y/N that evening.” Dazai added fondly and Chuuya swallowed heavily, looking down at his drink with newfound guilt. They might have made it up to you for that incident but there were still plenty more that they’d never get the chance to ask your forgiveness for. 

It was something that both men were bitterly aware of. 

After that they continued to drink in silence. After all, what could they say?  It was their selfishness of wanting to keep you in the dark that got you killed in the first place. That tore you so suddenly out of their lives that all that remained were your few possessions,  shared memories and gaping holes in their heart.  And the worst part was that they had no one else they could blame for your death but themselves.