#christmas you son of a bastard you're going DOWN

[chaotic-goodsir]

For day 2 of this Hatchetverse series thing, here's part of the sequel to You Could Call This Luck that I've been trying and failing to finish. Turns out plotting a thing about time travel with multiple POVs and timelines is hard.

To avoid confusion: in this particular timeline, (most of) the events of the musicals didn't happen. Time Bastard did, though, because we all know Ted can't catch a break.

(Also sorry for the long post - I don't usually post fic like this directly to Tumblr, but since this is unfinished I didn't want to put it on Ao3 just yet)

*

Pete Lauter sits at the desk in his science classroom at Hatchetfield High School, trying to finish the last of the week's marking. His eyes are dry from staring at his tablet screen, and the hum of the heating units is starting to get on his nerves. His students' lab reports all blend into one after a while - most of them are clearly written by AI. Getting teenagers to write anything as unexciting as a lab report on their own these days is almost impossible. He's not sure why the school still requires it, but then who is he, a mere teacher, to question the relevance of the national curriculum? Only the guy who sees first-hand how badly it works for his students.

Pete doesn't hate his job, most of the time, but it can get exhausting. This particular evening, he's ready to go home, heat up yesterday's leftovers - maybe make a hot chocolate, why not? - and enjoy the Friday-night peace and quiet. Theo will be out somewhere with his friends, and Steph's away on highly-classified work business. It's the perfect time to finally start that sci-fi novel that's been sitting on his bedside table for weeks. He's craving some decent, interesting writing that isn't the work of a teenager or a robot.

Sounds like a plan, he thinks, saving the report he's been working through and switching the tablet to sleep mode. He'll get the last of the marking done on Sunday night. For now it's future-Pete's problem.

He pulls on his jacket - his favourite, the one with the elbow patches that Steph bought for him last Christmas - and is about to pack the tablet away when the screen blinks into life again.

Ruth Fleming's icon (a photo from her honeymoon in Europe, Ruth and her wife smiling in front of a clear blue sky) flashes onto the screen. It's no surprise that she's still at work - drama club starts in an hour, and she has rehearsals to direct. Pete sighs and taps the icon, hoping she isn't about to ask him to help out again.

'Hey Ruth,' he says. 'I was just about to head home - do you need something?'

Ruth sounds a little out of breath, the way she always does when she's anxious.

'Pete, thank god you're still here. You need to come to the north wing staffroom, now. It's your son.'

Pete freezes. 'Theo?'

'Of course it's Theo. Do you have another son? Look, I don't wanna worry you, but he's hurt. You should come quick.'

'What do you mean, hurt?' Pete asks, panic rising. What is Theo even doing in school, on a Friday night? Something stupid and dangerous, clearly, if he's managed to hurt himself.

Pete swings his backpack onto one shoulder, carrying the tablet in his free hand as he rushes out of the room. He doesn't bother to lock the classroom door.

'How badly? Like, ambulance bad?'

'I don't know. I don't think so. But he's talking crazy.'

He's talking, Pete thinks, okay. He feels bad for thinking it, but he's not 100% convinced this isn't just Theo pulling a prank. He wouldn't put it past his son to do this kind of thing for attention. Theo Lauter is a lot of things, but a well-adjusted teenager doesn't seem to be one of them, no matter what Pete and Steph try.

Ruth knows that, of course, and the worry in her voice is making Pete worry too. She'd see through a typical Theo prank pretty easily. Which means this is probably real.

'I'm on my way.' He tells Ruth. 'I'll be five minutes.'

He hangs up and races down the corridor, cutting through the courtyard to get to the North Wing. The staffroom is upstairs, in the English and Languages corridor. When he gets there, the door is wedged open. Ruth is by the sofa, trying to comfort a teenage boy who looks a lot like his son.

But there's no sign of Theo's trademark denim jacket or band t-shirt. This kid is wearing a white shirt, suspenders, and bowtie, all stained with - Pete realises in horror - a concerning amount of blood. Instead of Theo's ponytail, this kid has his hair down, shoulder length, pinned back to keep it out of his face. And this kid is wearing glasses, with a crack across one lens.

Theo has his mother's eyesight. He's never needed glasses in his life.

Either Theo's pranks have reached a whole new level of elaborate, or this is not Pete's son at all. This kid looks more like-

Well, he looks more like him. Like Pete himself, when he was 25 years younger.

Not for the first time, Pete considers that he really needs to move his family out of Hatchetfield. Only in this messed-up town would something like that even be a possibility.

The kid notices him standing in the doorway, and his eyes go wide behind his cracked glasses. Then he says something that disproves neither the actual-time-travel theory nor the Theo-pulling-a-prank one, but spooks Pete either way.

'...Ted?'

*

Agent Stephanie Lauter is in a highly classified meeting at the PIEP HQ when the smartwatch around her wrist starts to buzz.

She glances at it, annoyed, and sees her husband's icon blinking at her. Pete knows she's busy today. He wouldn't call unless it was something urgent. He's one of the only contacts who can call her through the HQ's high tech digital barrier system.

Maybe it's just an accident. She swipes the icon away. If it's urgent, he'll call back.

She waits for a pause in General Lee's presentation, then raises a hand.

'I'm sorry, sir. My husband is trying to call me - I think it's urgent.'

'Well, you had better take it then,' Lee says, with his characteristic earnestness. No matter the situation, the old General has a way of always seeming that he knows more than anyone else about what's going on. It's a little disconcerting.

He waves towards the door. 'Good luck, Agent Lauter. I hope your family are all safe and well.'

She thanks him, apologises again, and leaves quickly. Outside the meeting room, a security guard in a bulletproof vest watches her pace anxiously up and down the corridor as she returns Pete's call.

'Steph,' he says when he picks up. There's an anxious note in his voice that she does not like the sound of. 'Sorry, I know you're at work. Are you busy right now?'

'It's fine,' she says. 'What's wrong?'

'It's Theo,' Pete says, then pauses. 'Well, no, it's not Theo. At least he says he's not, and I think he's telling the truth. I... I don't really know how to explain this, Steph. It's gonna sound crazy.'

'Breathe, babe,' Steph says, because Pete is talking at about a hundred miles an hour now. 'I work for PIEP. I can cope with crazy.'

'Okay.' Pete says, taking a breath. 'Okay.'

'Is Theo alright?'

'Yeah. At least I hope so. He's at his friends, probably. I'm at school, and there's a kid here that looks like him. Ruth thought it was Theo, and he's covered in blood - not hurt, thank god, just covered in it - so she called me. But it's not. Not Theo, I mean.'

'What? Who is it?'

'I think it's me.'

To anyone else, in any other context, those words wouldn't make sense. Pete is a 41 year old man, and their son is 16. It would be insane to mistake one for the other. Not to mention that Pete is Pete. This kid that's shown up covered in blood can't possibly also be him. One person can't possibly be in two places at once.

But in Hatchetfield, anything is possible. And then, on top of that, there's the Spankoffski Effect.

Steph has often wished she could tell Pete more about the work she does for PIEP. About the data that shows his brother Ted's disappearance, back in 2019, wasn't just an unexplained tragedy but a large-scale temporal incident affecting multiple universes. Pete doesn't even know that there are multiple universes. It would probably break his little nerd heart if he knew she wasn't telling him.

Nor does Pete know about how, the day she told the now-retired General MacNamara that she and Pete were engaged, his congratulations came with a warning:

'By all means, marry a Spankoffski if you wish, Miss Lauter. But a word of advice. I'd strongly suggest you don't take that name, and don't give it to your children.'

When she asked him why, he'd told her that was classified. It wasn't until she graduated from training that she first heard about the Spankoffski Effect, and put two and two together.

In every timeline known to PIEP researchers, something with the power to sever a person from the flow of time itself has an interest in - no, more like an obsession with - Pete's brother, and possibly his entire family.

She's not sure she could tell her husband that part even if she had clearance.

And now Pete's younger self has appeared at the school where he teaches. Steph does not like the sound of that at all.

'You're sure it's not Theo pulling a prank? I wouldn't put it past him.'

'If it is, he deserves an oscar. And this kid has my phone, Steph. From years ago. With my medical alert details, everything. I don't think Theo would go that far.'

Probably not, no, but she wants to be absolutely sure. 'Have you called Theo? Checked where he is?'

'Shit,' Pete says, then catches himself for swearing in front of a student. 'I mean, uh, shoot, no. I should have done that.'

She tries adding Theo to the call they're already on. The line rings out, so she tries again. No answer.

'Steph, if you're calling him, I can't hear it ringing. I don't think this kid has Theo's watch.'

A message appears on Steph's watch screen:

< Fuck off, mom, I'm busy :) >

'Well,' She says, wondering briefly about nature and nurture and whether it's some failure of parenting that turned her son into such a little shit, 'our son just messaged me. Unless he can do that with only his mind, I don't think he's with you.'

'Okay,' Pete says. Then, 'shit.' He doesn't catch himself this time.

Shit is right, Steph thinks. 'Wait there. Keep the kid calm. Stay calm yourself, okay? I'll come to you.'

She doesn't tell him she's planning to bring PIEP agents with her, but he's probably figured that out already.

'Aren't you in DC?'

'Yeah, so you'll have to hold out for a few hours. Anything weird happens - anything else weird - you call me straight away, okay?'

'Okay. Yeah. Love you.'

'Love you too.'

Steph hangs up. She pinches the bridge of her nose with one hand and groans, wondering why she never had the sense to move her family out of Hatchetfield.

Would that have helped, though? If something from the Black and White is after Pete, couldn't it find him anywhere, if it wanted to?

The security guard is staring at her.

'Everything okay, ma'am?'

'Yeah,' she says. 'I'm fine. Just - don't ever marry a Spankoffski, no matter how cute he is.'

The guard blinks, clearly baffled.

'Um... right.'

[bloodyknucklesforme]

Unopened and Unended | Price x F!OC

So tell me now, where was my fault In loving you with my whole heart? - "Blank White Page" by Mumford & Sons

Eight years ago John made a mistake and now with this envelope from the lab in his hands he wonders if he's about to make another one

He poured himself another glass of scotch. She said she was on her way twenty minutes ago. She only lived ten minutes away. He downed his drink again.

The large manila envelope sat unopened on the counter. Guilt pulled on his shoulders. He'd built up a bomb and left it there, ticking away.

It felt like the right thing to do at the time. Steal a toothbrush during a dinner party, send it to a friend of a friend, get the results. He had the courage to do all that but failed to accept the consequences.

Eight years of not knowing. Eight years of missing out. Eight years of seeing his daughter being raised by another man. No, he didn't raise her. He left her shoved to the side.

He should have done something eight years ago when her mother sat next to him in his car and broke his heart.

"John, we have to stop." Poppy said. He could tell she'd been crying since she got in the car. He reached out to comfort her and she knocked his hands away.

"Does he know?" John asked.

"No. He doesn't know anything."

The guilt was getting to her. Cheating on her husband for months now. Meeting him in pub bathrooms and secluded parking lots. They were young. Him, twenty three. Her, twenty six. She was married young, fresh from uni to an SAS captain ten years her senior that promised her the world. He was rich, offered comforts John couldn't dream of.

William was an emotionally neglectful cunt who ignored her unless it was to fuck which she said was becoming more often. He wanted a baby but they were struggling. He'd been a bastard to her about it.

He was also John's superior officer.

"Pip, you don't have to stay with him." His mantra to her. He could take care of her. He wasn't rich but he had a modest savings. They could make it work. He wanted to make it work. It started with a soft kiss as he walked her home from the pub one night. He fell hard for her.

Her laugh, her paintings, the way her hair smelled. He hated William more and more each day.

"I do."

"Pip, you don't." He wanted to convince her. Leave with him right now. Let him take care of her. "I know you're not happy. I want to make you happy. Pip, please-"

"John, I'm pregnant." The air in the car felt heavier, it weighed down his lungs.

"Is it min-"

"It's his. It has to be his."

"Pip."

"I just need it to be. I need to have this baby. I need them to go to a good school and to not have to worry about their parents keeping the heat on. I need William to be the father because that's what best for him."

"Him?"

"He wants a son."

"What a cunt."

"John!"

"What am I supposed to say Poppy? Congratulations? You're telling me you're taking my child away!"

"They're not yours!"

"Seven years fucking him and you couldn't pop one out but six months with me and you're expecting."

"Fuck you."

"You already have." He snapped.

She started crying again. John's heart sank.

"Poppy, I'm sorry." He reached out for her and she flinched away. He let his hand fall to the center console. "I love you. I love that baby. I know I'm not rich like him. I don't have the family name or an estate. I'll work however much I need to send them in a good school. Private and everything. You won't have to work. You can paint all you want. I'll do it, Pip. I'll do it for you. Don't shake your head. You know I will. I love you."

"I'm sorry, John." She got out of the car and slammed the door behind her. He watched as she got into her car and drove away.

They'd barely had a full conversation since then. It didn't stop him from texting her in the following months.

He didn't meet Nina till she was almost a year old. The Irons' Christmas party. She could walk. They had her in a little frilly pink dress and she kept taking off her shoes. She walked right up to him and clung to his leg. Poppy gave him a worried look as he picked her up.

"You're lucky, Captain. Two beautiful girls." He forced a smile.

"Suppose I am." William was not as good of an actor as John was.

There was a banging on the front door. Poppy glared at him as he opened it.

"You're a fucking asshole, John." She snapped, forcing her way inside. "Doing a DNA test behind my back?"

"I have a right to know." He was trying to remain calm.

"What's your plan then? Destroy my marriage? I am happy now, John. William and I are happy. "

"It's not about you, Poppy. It's about Nina. She's not happy."

"You don't know anything about my family."

"I know she thinks her dad doesn't love her! I can see how she follows him around like a lost dog and he kicks her away just like one."

"He just doesn't get on with young children. It'll be different when she's older."

"So it's okay now is it?"

"Of course it's not okay!" She yelled. "But I am trying! I am trying to fix things before the baby. We're in counseling. He's spending more time with her. He-"

"You're pregnant again?" He looked her over more carefully. She had a small bump, nearly unnoticeable now.

"I am."

He thought about being cruel. Asking who she fucked to get pregnant this time. The words died in his mouth as he shook his head.

"Oh fuck off John."

"You see how he treats Nina and you have another kid with him? What if he still doesn't get the son he wanted? You're going to bring some other little girl into a house where she isn't loved?"

"Nina is loved!"

"By who?"

"Me! She's my baby! She's mine! She's mine, John! I grew her! I talked to her everyday, I painted her nursery. I had her, alone!"

He tried to hide his shock. He didn't know she was alone when she gave birth.

"I fed her. I changed her. I got up every night with her when she had colic. How fucking dare you say I don't love her. How fucking dare you!"

She was crying, running her hands through her hair.

"She came from me. I don't know if you're her father or not but I'm her mum. No one else. You can't take her from me."

"You think I'm going to take her away? Poppy..." He always pictured some sort of joint custody.

"All I have are my babies. If you come for her, he'll take this one away," she laid her hands protectively over her stomach. "I don't have money to fight in court. He will take my baby away."

"I wouldn't let that happen." He'd pay for lawyers for her. He was a captain now.

"You'd lose your job. You slept with your superior's wife. They will strip you of everything."

"I don't care about that. I care about her and I care about you." John would burn it all down for them. Part of him still loved her. Wished that he'd stopped her from driving away, got on his knees and begged.

Poppy shook her head.

"We were young and we were incredibly stupid. And it's not fair to you or her what we did. I am sorry that I have hurt you. I don't deserve any mercy from you but I am begging that whatever you find in that letter that it stays with you."

"If she's mine, I can't not do something."

"And what if it's wrong? Whatever sample you managed to get, wasn't enough. You sue for custody and then she's not actually yours. You will have destroyed my marriage, your own career, and you will hurt a little girl that already loves you. You will never see her again."

John leaned against the wall. The idea of a false positive never crossed his mind. He loved Nina. He was always confident that she was his, that part of him made her. But there were times when she furrowed her brow just like William. He'd still love her if she wasn't his. She was a good kid, sweetest little thing. He didn't know how he'd tell her.

"I'm not actually your dad's friend, I'm your real dad. Why haven't I raised you? Your mother and I had an affair. What's an affair? It's when someone who's in a relationship has a relationship with someone else."

He sighed in defeat. He grabbed the envelope off the counter and threw it into the trashcan.

"Thank you, John." She wiped her face. "I am sorry. Truly sorry."

He didn't respond, just stared into the bin.

"I loved you too and if I didn't get pregnant I would left him for you."

"That doesn't make me feel better, Pip."

"I'm sorry." She repeated. She left quietly some time after that.

John reached into the bin and pulled out the envelope. He went up to his office and unlocked the safe in the closet. He laid the envelope inside. It felt like throwing her away in a sense. He could tell himself he didn't need to open it, he knew she was his. If he opened it, she might not be.

He shut the safe.

He got a package a week later. A photo album filled with pictures of Nina ranging from when she was a newborn to now.

John cried as he flipped through it. Some pictures she looked like him. Others like William. More often than not though she looked like her mum.

He laid the album in the safe with the envelope. His little girl locked away from him.

When i said the Restaurant AU would be messy I fucking meant it. No one can keep it in their pants.

Price will tell himself he doesn't love Poppy anymore but was absolutely devastated when she died. Told her grave "I'll take care of our little girl. I promise. I'll take care of her." and then bought Nina a whole flat to live in, gave her a job, makes sure she's okay. Might even pay for her to go to that fancy pastry school in France.

Tags: : @water-bearz @gogh-with-the-flow @queen-ilmaree @macravishedbymactavish

[todomatsuno]

Art by @cavematsu and old au shared with @girlymatsu and @ichikos ! The run down is tottys wife passes away after giving birth to their son, and 8 months later we fuck and it’s bad for both of us.

Tw: maternal death, intoxication, implied abusive relationships, mutual pity sex, grief and child neglect

Christmas party

You look so much like her it's insane. Todomatsu can see the similarities to the point where the differences might as well not exist.

But they do, and you pale in her memory. Like a generic copy of Todomatsu's dead wife, which is probably why he always thought about you during work.

Not to keep you in his back pocket, you weren't an option and Todomatsu would never betray the love of his life. Not for you - not for the poor man's Dani.

Your lips aren't as full as her's were, but that lipstick shade is close enough. Your complexion a bit more cool, almost murky in comparison to Dani's warm hue. Your eyelashes are not as full, but you have less laugh lines.

Even though Todomatsu never thought of you as Dani, nor Dani as you but it was easy before to tell the difference. Your voice is higher than Dani's naturally low pitch, despite being the same weight your fat pooled almost equally in your upper and lower half while Dani's shape was more a pear than hourglass.

She didn't need this much mascara, and she didn't need glasses. Dani kept her hair styled in a cute pixie that took much longer than Todomatsu would ever expect to maintain.

Under the Christmas lights Todomatsu can see all of the differences, but in the face of the similarities they might as well not exist.

You're bursting out into laughter, spitting out a bit of alcohol at a joke Osomatsu made at Todomatsu's expense. Dani would've laughed like that too, Dani had laugh lines from the amount of unadulterated joy she felt, and Todomatsu can see the hint of your overbite and beyond that your tongue. It's color and shape... Todomatsu looks away feeling flustered.

"He used to be afraid of the dark too." You lean over and push Todomatsu by the shoulder with tears in your eyes, "What?! For real?!"

A beauty mark right next to your lip, one right under your eye. Dani's mirrored the positions exactly.

Todomatsu's known you for a long time but he's never met with you outside of work. Why would he when he was so happy and in love?

You'd given him advice to relay to Dani, you'd even given him some old baby clothes before the ultrasound revealed Matsumatsu's sex. You offered tips based on your own history with a heart condition and the hardships you faced when dying during pregnancy.

But you lived and Dani did not.

"That was such a long time ago, Osomatsu-niisan. I'm not like that anymore." Todomatsu looks away again but he can't keep his eyes off of you.

You're throwing back another shot of sake and Todomatsu takes a drink of his own after each one. You keep smiling and touching him, and Todomatsu wonders would it be alright just this once?

Do you want him?

Would you care if he pretended you were Dani? After all its only been eight months, surely you'd understand the pain Todomatsu's going through. It's so hard to lose the love of your life, and Todomatsu has needs...

If you'd be willing to help him, he'd make it worth your time?

After all, aren’t you always offering to help Todomatsu out? His work, that he gratefully pushes off onto you, his child that he drops off in the early mornings so Todomatsu can sleep for at least an hour without wanting to smother the little bastard. Todomatsu let’s you give and give, and surely you want something in return.

You want him, right? For Todomatsu to repay your kindness, by letting you replace what he lost? That’s your goal, isn’t it?

Why else would you care so much? Isn’t the excuse, “I know how hard it is to lose someone,” a bit too lame? You’re divorced too, and for as long as Todomatsu’s known you, there’s this vibe of insecurity and over eagerness.

This time Todomatsu has something to give back. Maybe Todomatsu can repay you for everything you’ve done, he won’t ever promise you Dani’s place -but…can’t Todomatsu get what he really wants more than anything? You can stop doing the other favors if you need to, but this one is the most important.

Todomatsu has needs and you’re the only one left to fulfill them.

You're doubling over in laughter after Erina's pun. Dani would've shot a joke back thrice as funny without hesitation but you're choking trying to get your rebuttal out.

When you make eye contact with Todomatsu it terrifies him because that's not how his Dani smiled.

"I met your twin today at work, why didn't you tell me about her?" Todomatsu told Dani conversationally, she looked at him with confusion, "My twin?"

"Yeah another new recruite. You guys both have the same birthday and last name, it's almost as if you don't take me seriously or something."

Dani asked for the information and it turns out no, when she stared at your contact card she giggled and said, "Jesus Christ I can't expect you to remember me in a murder line up, could I?"

Simpson and Simplins. August 1st and August 2nd, in the same year too. That day when he learned these things about you Todomatsu automatically edited them in his memory so these aligned perfectly with his Dani.

Erina's talking again and Todomatsu's downing his 6th drink of the evening. He probably shouldn't have anymore.

"If you could have sex with one real person in all of history who would it be?"

The smell of gingerbread is gonna make Todomatsu sick, but jeez his dick is so hard thinking about the answer.

"My dead wife." Todomatsu's eyes begin to water and Osomatsu sucks in a breath next to Erina, he even starts scratching his cheek awkwardly. "Who died in childbirth eight months ago, I'd love to have sex with her one last time."

Just a few simple simple gestures and suddenly Dani is back in front of Todomatsu, alive and well with her swollen stomach and beautiful smile.

"My body still yearns for her." You snort immaturely next to Todomatsu, leaning over and Todomatsu slumps to the table.

"Lemme see her."

You slowly slurp from your shot glass, judging Dani critically, before swallowing the entire drink. "The ultimate downside of finding the one is she might die and leave you wanting." It's half bragging, half pure grief that has Todomatsu extending the phone towards you.

So you can see what you're being compared to. The perfection that was his Dani. You're drunk and when you finally wobble enough to sit up straight the first thing you slur is, "I pick your dead wife too."

What?

Todomatsu blanks, "She's so hot I want her to ruin me." You then snatch the phone from Todomatsu and show it to Erina, "Look how hot this dead girl is! If I knew how a threesome worked, boy say..."

You start pouring yourself another drink, but Todomatsu reaches out without thinking to stop you. He briefly tries to calculate if you're too drunk to make a move on, if it'd be wrong to try to take you home.

"What's wrong, Todomatsu-kun?" You ask, "I think you might've had enough tonight." Todomatsu gingerly pries the bottleneck from your hands.

"Don't worry, I'm actually faking this." You tell him with a wink which immediately lets Todomatsu know you've had too much. "Alright." He humors you while Osomatsu and Erina sneak off into their own little world.

"No, I definitely am." You look a lot more aware and less loopy than before. "In fact I can sound perfectly normal if I wanted to." That's a scary little trick. Your voice switches to its sober cadence.

"Are you lonely, Todomatsu-kun? I know I am these days."

Maybe Todomatsu was actually the drunk one because one moment you asked him a question, the next Todomatsu finds himself in his back on your bed.

When'd he get here, when did you take off his clothes? All Todomatsu can remember is a few disconnected sensations of pure ecstacy. Like a high he'd been chasing forever.

Todomatsu's Dani wouldn't have played coy for so long, she wouldn't have hinted at what she wanted. She wouldn't have used a joke to cover her desire.

Dani wasn't vulgar by any means, just open. She wanted Todomatsu and she let him know that without the confusion of subtly.

He can't close his eyes for this, not really. If Todomatsu closes his eyes then Dani disappears and all he'll be left with is your voice, and not her appearance.

You're beautiful in your own right, but you don't know how to touch Todomatsu like Dani could. He can still remember how she would drag her nails across his chest when she rode him. You're just clutching Todomatsu's shoulder with an unsteady grip, like you might push him away any second.

She's almost you, Todomatsu thinks when your nails hurt him. You're smiling - that's so it's familiar, your teeth catch your bottom lip just like his Dani's, and as Todomatsu lifts his pelvis you puff out like a gasp.

You say Todomatsu's name and he murmurs Danielle's. He can't look away, even as your head whips down in confusion.

"Hey?" Your voice isn't gentle, but even though it's clear you're offended you aren't shoving Todomatsu yet. You're still grinding so you can't be that mad.

"Don't call me by her name." Todomatsu shivers, so your voice can get that deep too? If he tries his best those dark freckles have their positioning flipped, and Todomatsu can pretend that the hints of your dark hair are actually a part of the ceiling.

Your glasses are pressing into Todomatsu's elbow where he's gonna keep them. You aren’t supposed to have those.

"I'm not her." Todomatsu blinks and he can't even see you anymore in his bleary vision.

"Todomatsu." You're losing your resolve quickly because Todomatsu remembers how much you loved it when he fucked you like this. "Keep up that energy, babe." Why didn’t you say it like how you’re supposed to?

Why did you say, “Please keep it up,” instead? Don’t you remember how you used to talk to Todomatsu?

Todomatsu hears your voice and corrects the mistake that goes through in ear out of the other, "I like that, Totty." Why would you say that, Dani? Of course you like that... oh Danielle... Does that feel good?

That whimper isn't right - and Todomatsu's lucky that he can't see a thing because he's sure the expression on your face doesn't match the mischievous, toothy little grin he's used to.

Todomatsu's grateful for the tears he can't wipe away, he's appreciative that your hips feel just a little lighter than before too.

When you were pregnant it was so hard to lift you like this. When you were - Todomatsu in a panic touched your stomach to make sure that little bastar- his son. Your son. Isn't there to kill you?

He sighs blissfully when he realizes your stomach is only padded with fat.

The noises he's making are harder to conceal, and you're not as passionate as before. "Please."

Todomatsu whines, "Don't make me beg, Dani." You snort, and that's his girl. Tease me, grab me by my hair and bite into my neck. Dominate me in every way, make me submit. Todomatsu's missed you so much, and he's been so good.

"C'mon now." You break the spell momentarily.

"That's not my name...This is getting uncomfortable," You still haven't stopped riding Todomatsu and he hasn't stopped pumping his pelvis into you.

"Could you actually at least not say her name?" You're mumbling something about trying to be understanding of his grief, but you're starting to feel bad.

"I know I'm not as pretty as she was, but can it just be me and you? Please?" You're cupping the bottom of Todomatsu's cheek, trying to wipe away his tears.

"You're making me feel worse than I already do." Todomatsu can hear what Dani would've say in his ears. This is getting pathetic all around, babe. If you're gonna sleep with someone else, at least do it properly. You can't triple cuck everyone involved and make it not weird.

Todomatsu swallows, trying to pick his next words carefully, he's being greedy and can tell he's not gonna get another shot at fucking Dani again.

You've finally stopped moving altogether, Todomatsu's tears have been dabbed from his cheeks and you look more terrified than he'd ever seen you at the office.

"No..." You suck in a breath, the absence of warmth will be missed but only briefly. "You're just as beautiful as she was I... you seriously look exactly like her, so I was being rude. I'm sorry."

Dani would've cussed Todomatsu out, she would've crashed her lips into his, and kissed him until he couldn't breathe. Dani didn't do jealousy, she knew she had Todomatsu wrapped around her finger and it took very little to regain his fleetingly wandering attention. That's what she did two years ago when you first showed up at the office. So Todomatsu wouldn't forget about her.

"You're not Danielle, and I know that." You settle next to Todomatsu to study the ceiling.

You're quiet.

"I don't want to be your band-aid."

That's bullshit. The selfishness in Todomatsu wants to scream hypocrite! Liar! Instead Todomatsu tilts his head up to look at your ceiling with you.

"Why not?" He asks softly so the rage in heart settles, "Isn't that the whole reason you're sleeping with me? Aren't you using me as your bandage?"

This line of thinking catches you off guard, "I wasn't imagining my ex." You defend yourself half heartedly, Todomatsu can tell you're picking your words carefully. "I didn't call you the wrong name." You don't even sound jealous.

"But you would've been here with anyone else since it's not as if you like me, or that I'm special to you." You roll over but don't kick Todomatsu out yet.

"You left your ex so you're lonely, and my wife was taken from me so now I'm lonely. Let's be each other's band-aids for tonight."

Todomatsu knows you've got one argument left in you and it's the same one he'd use in your position in order to hit under the belt.

Do you really think I'm okay with being her replacement?

No.

"Just say my name, okay?" That's such a pathetic request, and Todomatsu pitied you almost as he pities himself when you pull him ontop. "Don't call me Danielle, please." You're on the verge of tears, Todomatsu can hear just how vast that pit must be.

You sound so alone.

"I won't, Robin." You've looped your arms around Todomatsu's neck, and he kisses you tenderly when he slides between your thighs. Todomatsu understands his grief like he knows the back of his hand.

But this?

Todomatsu didn't expect to shift his attention from his own pain to the suffering of someone else. You're cautious in your neediness, like you're afraid that Todomatsu will say or do something that bruises you further. Your tongue is shy and skittish, your lips yield to Todomatsu's, you melt like snow under the warmth of his touch.

He hates having this much control. You feel so good wrapped around Todomatsu to the point where he could let you dissolve him. Swallow him whole until there's nothing left to give.

Todomatsu feels so alone.

The word slips out sincerely under Todomatsu's tongue, through his teeth and into your mouth. "Thank you so much for this." You pull away and Todomatsu murmurs them more into your neck, pressing a few kisses as he goes.

It feels so nice, so warm. "Thank you, Robin." Todomatsu pities you an incredible amount when the friction slicks, you really want to hear your name. "Thank you, Robin." You're squirming, and so much wetter.

If Todomatsu lifts your leg, you hold it there, if Todomatsu pins your hands you stay still. He can manipulate and control your body which is a freedom he's unaccustomed to. There's places to touch that Todomatsu's never felt before, new textures that he wants to explore, differences in anatomical variations. He wants to know more, to consume it. To bite, chew and swallow this novelty.

Dani wasn't submissive, Dani wasn't like this, and it's not Dani that Todomatsu is nailing to this bed. He's only been thinking of you - his Robin... No, Todomatsu tries to stake claim but it feels wrong. You're not his Robin. He doesn't own you, or can align himself with you in that regard. Todomatsu's heart still belongs in that urn sitting on the mantle of his living room. On that alter, with that picture, in the dust with his Danielle.

Danielle's Todomatsu is crying again, and you've just closed your eyes. You're ignoring Todomatsu's whimpers and sniffles, instead letting him bleed out in order to dress your own wounds.

"I love you?" You don't even sound convinced when you speak, Todomatsu can't tell if it's a poorly timed but legitimate confession, or if you're saying them in order to fulfill a fantasy.

"I love you too, Robin." Your eyes pop open wide, with the most lovely surprised smile, "You do?!" God, you ask so drunk and sweet that Todomatsu can't even feel guilty for lying.

"I always have." He plays along, that relief in your expression can't be wrong. "Ah! Th-thank you too then!"

You were wet before, and Todomatsu was enjoying fucking you but now, you're lying to Todomatsu and he's lying to you in turn. It's only been a few minutes but the sound of someone moaning his name, and saying so dishonestly honest 'I love you', while rolling their hips.

Todomatsu cums faster than he thought he would, and the second he does he breaks into a sob as he lies to you one more time, "I love you Robin." A major betrayal, and Todomatsu realizes with a jump he didn't use protection. Todomatsu cheated on the love of his life tonight and he didn't even use a condom.

You could get pregnant - Todomatsu could lose you too, he could kill you just like he killed his Dani. Todomatsu settles onto your chest, heaving hard to suppress the urge to hyperventilate. He won't throw up if he can find your heartbeat.

Todomatsu is driven by logic, there's nothing to he done at this point, if you're pregnant you'll get an abortion. He won't let you die.

Todomatsu nuzzles you until he locates your pulse. With an ear pressed Todomatsu stops choking, he stops writhing and his breathing stabilizes.

It'll be alright, Todomatsu won't make the same mistake twice. He won't.

_____________

This marriage is out of convenience since you seem hell bent on getting another kid. "Y'know, I'm kinda scared you never actually wanted to sleep with me. You just wanted to get pregnant."

Todomatsu's frustrated a bit since you only talk about the children, and work. He doesn't know a thing about you other than you love babies.

"I wouldn't have done that when I could just steal my cutie pie." You bow raspberries on Matsumatsu - Touhimatsu's cheeks. It's gonna take time getting used to, but Todomatsu is getting better at remembering his baby's new name.

Your toddler pokes Todomatsu's one year old son, then demands kisses of her own. The three of you are really affectionate, Todomatsu thinks with

envy. Over the months Touhimatsu's has become brighter of a child, now smiling at Todomatsu more than ever. He began crying and calling for mama so often you told Todomatsu you weren't leaving your son by himself.

Your son.

You claimed Touhimatsu as flesh and blood for months now, and he's come to love you as his primary caregiver. You sing to him, feed him, play, nap, change him and do all the little things Todomatsu was too tired to do with a smile. You look like his mother too, there's no denying that fact. Your physical appearance aside, the care you show for Touhimatsu is the exact amount you show for Vivi.

Touhimatsu is loved more as your son than he ever was by Todomatsu alone.

"Touuuhibibabyy!" You're singing one of your silly songs, and Vivi joins you, then Touhimatsu babbles along. The three of you start singing some love song you altered the lyrics to be appropriate for familial love.

This picnic is peaceful, the breeze is nice, Todomatsu's two children are laughing while you play a game of peakaboo, and everything feels wonderful. Todomatsu hopes the bittersweet taste will leave him soon, but for now he's glad he can witness this family. One day Todomatsu will feel apart of it by choice.

One day Todomatsu knows he'll feel happy that this is his life, one without conditions, or Dani's death as a prerequisite. One day Todomatsu will say, "I'm happy to be alive, and I love my family." and he'll mean it with his whole heart.

But for today, Danielle's Todomatsu sits with her on that mantle, in the urn, between the ribs of her shrine. He's smiling for her right now, but soon Todomatsu will smile for himself.

[idealog]

ain't your slave

Curse ya

Ain't your filth to use.

Ain't your rag to mop up.

Fuck Off, degenerates.

I'll do real work,

And you can perish in the Bowels of fiery hell,

Before the cold you have coming reaches you,

For those you gaslighted,

And the never ending abyss,

Of your Celestial COURT.

KINGDOM

You should have been accepting of the innocent, Judges.

Joseph casts you out.

May God keep you.

King Me.

If I were a bastard like you, I'd say, king me, bitch.

To hurt YOU, rather than your evil.

But I don't.

I only want you to stop causing HARM.

Or,

I will retreat to Eternity, and you will be no more a Dream,

But a forgotten nightmare,

Forever.

Wise up now,

Or you have no defense.

Goodbye loves ~ ~

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Don't ever fuck with me again.

I thank you for your help, whether unintentional or not.

But I owe you zipeedoodle.

Be grateful God has pressed upon me with this major Blessing for you which he requested, and you.

Even He is not beyond the Son of Man.

Fare Well,

Children.

Mass is Over.

Profane monsters,

You look with lust.

You lied about the Innocent.

Eternal damnation, then?

I'll Default the Answer soon.

Goodbye.

❤️ TO THE KING OF THE UNIVERSE ~

~

Mad Max's Warning.

MAY YOUR DAYS BE MERRY AND BRIGHT,

AND MAY ALL YOUR CHRISTMASES BE WHITE

The Drift

Shame on him.

HEALING

Chiron

"WHY don't I fit in?"

Cuz this place is POOP.

Training.

Turds!

HaHa

Vain chumz.

I Miss Poker.

But I was Just Too Nice.

Buhbye, lol,

Santa's elves.

We don't like to brag.

Santa knows who's good.

You dont.

Shut Up.

HEAVEN

What's Up, Man?

DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN HERE.

GOD

And So,

Happy CHRISTMas,

MoFoz,

fakes.

;p

:/

Loozers

G

Mysfit

YOU LOSE, JUDGER.

Conspirators,

Icy

HOnor

Manipulators,

Secret Combinations.

Nothing is secret now.

Ha, ha, ha fucking HA.

🥈 🪙

Kill your pride, fuck stains.

It's why the world stunks.

Stinks.

Continue, and infinite Hell will soon pursue you infinitely, silver & Gold.

Hurt another child, and my Wrath shall be Infinite.

Your turn, brilliant ones. ⭐

There's no way out from justice, proud ones.

Step on my mantle. God

NOW, YOU KNOW HUMILITY, BEFORE GODDAMN GOD.

JESUS CHRIST, ETERNAL LORD, SPIRIT, MATTER, EARTH, HEAVEN, LOVE, LOSS, DEATH, INFINITE LIFE.

On the Island of Sovereign Candles, no longer Toys, Ever.

If Not, your Annihilation is eternal, and Infinite.

Shut up,

Your false salvation,

TO Hell.

misfit toys

Where Be U?

;) :P Crazies. Whores. Fact.

You can't run away from your responsibility.

Jinge vell time.

the loyal One

Let go.

The Fae

Nitwit.

Son Of Jacob,

Daughter of Heaven.

Persist Against HEAVEN,

and you're gone.

F. U., phonies.

Od hates phonies, pretenders.

False spirits,

With no holy ghost.

:(

Done.

Let It Snow.

Goodbye, Judgers Unrepentant.

CHRIST

And Yes,

I see you. ∆

-The Heart of God,

Holly Holly,*

Jesus

*Jolly, by Golly. -Spirit

[tigerop]

Horangi was already carding through his thoughts, steps to ensure he made it back and König made it to the safehouse safely-—dotted like little neat tactical bullet points amongst the chaotic outside stimuli of bullet fire and the pounding of his own heart in his ears. And then he was being halted before he could even manage more then a few steps off. His head whirled around, a certain fire in his eyes and his tongue heavy with whatever needed to be said to get the fellow KorTac to GO.

Whatever he had planned to let roll from his lips faded into a startled yelp and then a rageful growl and flurry of Korean curses as his worldview shifted and he was being hauled over the Austrian's shoulder. He had thrashed at first but quelled his own anger long enough to let a few logical thoughts seep through. Thrashing would just slow König down and the man seemed quite set on toting him out of there like a bag of fucking potatoes. 

He gnashed his own teeth, bit his own tongue. Telling the other how STUPID this all was would be pointless. Besides, his own plan hadn't been much better.

By the graces of luck, their own skills, or whatever bastard of a higher power-—they made it to the shitty safehouse. He landed with a huff on the couch and was already up and on his feet before the recoil of the action had even settled. His gun was set against the wall and he was already dragging out his bag to rummage through medical supplies like some overexcited brat on christmas.

❝ You're crazy son of a bitch, you know that? ❞ he felt jittery from the rush of adrenaline and anger and fresh concern at seeing König slide down against the wall. ❝ Let me see it. We need to clean it. I'm not going to have you go through all that bullshit just to fall over because of infection. ❞

Horangi again carded through his thoughts, pushed back the rush of emotion and bid his mind to focus. He'd clean the wound and then go do a check of the perimeter while König radioed for ETA on their efil. Realistically, the perimeter should have taken priority but the operator couldn't be bothered when the hooded man was sat bleeding on the floor.

❝-—We get you cleaned up, wrapped up. I'm going to walk the perimeter and lock this place down while you radio to find out just how long we're stuck here. Sound good? ❞

König shook his head, he wasn't leaving Horangi behind. And to think he would was an insult to his character. " I do trust you but -... " he attempted only for the other to continue over him. He chewed on the inside of his cheek. The anxiety spiking to near panic at the idea of leaving Horangi behind. And what it could mean. Without much thought he'd quickly reach out, halting the smaller man. Grabbing Horangi by his upper arm to then pull him up off his feet and over his shoulder. Even with his wound the weight was hardly bothersome with the adrenaline coursing through him. Without another word König was moving. Both quickly and cautiously. The live fire hadn't been exact, meaning the enemy had a general idea of where they were, but not exactly. König would use that to his advantage. Taking a longer, more round about way, but eventually reaching the safe house. The door is rammed open, Horangi dropped onto a haggard sofa as Konig pressed his back against a wall, sliding down it to a seated position on the floor. He was panting heavily by this point, hand resting against his side. " Verdammt noch mal! " he growled out, hands visibly trembling.

[jbreenr]

⚠ HAWKEYE 106 SPOILERS ⚠

Alright…

There are like two Spider-Man: No Way Home spoilers in here so… I warned you.

We start strongly. The suit. The posture. Vincent. I love you, Wilson!!! You, freaking bastard. Aksññdksnslñ

So, there was a (professional) relationship between Eleonor and Fiek, uh? She framed Jack and killed Armand and we already knew this but… still!

“Kate, you're my partner.” Dude, I've been waiting for this since episode two. I love them besties.

“This city belongs to me.” Ou. I'm having Daredevil flashbacks. *sobbing*

Now, I loved watching Kate and Clint working as a team, making the arrows.

And Kate, labeling them. 😂

“It's lonely. Heroes make tough decisions.” Clint, you cannot say that after I watched No Way Home. Like, did mi heart hurt your arrow?

Okay so, I was really expecting Fisk to say his iconic “When I was a boy…”, and he didn't. But Kate said something similar and I had to point it out. (:

And their gala outfits? AND THEIR ACTUAL SUITS?! *chef kiss*

Lemme just… ✨ Yelena with that hairstyle ✨. Thank you for listening.

Kate's dad owed Wilson money. Eleonor said that I would have doubt that if I hadn't watch the first few minutes of the episode.

Kate and Yelena are the best duo. Like, their fight in the elevator is hilarious. How Kate wants to desperately stop Yelena and she's like *huff, kick, stop*.

“Stop making me like you.” Sorry, Kate. Too late for that.

Dude, the Tracksuit thanked Kate for her advice. He took his gf to see Maroon 5 instead and i felt kinda bad for him, because he apologized for carrying a gun and having to fight her.

So, Jack saved Kate. The swordsman, ladies and gentlemen! I don't dislike you anymore, friend.

And the cops dressing up so people would listen to them. Looool. I love them.

When Clint sees them. “We're all gonna die.” sorry, but I think of Ned in Infinity War.

I'm obsessed with the trick arrows. That fighting was just soooo cool!

Also, i wheezed when Kate used the PYM arrow. The tiny voices and the owl. So freaking funny.

WILSON'S CLOTHES ARE JUST AS THEY ARE IN DAREDEVIL. THE CLOTHES MELVIN DESIGNED. AND, DID YOU SEE THE CUFFLINKS?!?!?

Man, Clint and Yelena suffered for Nat. And I suffered with them. My babies.):

Well, Kazi's dead. I was really hoping to see him in the Echo series. Guess i won't.

And Kate's mom is going to jail. I don't think I'm mad about it. Just a little sad for Kate because, well, it's her mom.

Clint did the secret whistle thing. He told Yelena that Nat talked about her all the time, that she always thought about her being safe.

And I'm thinking again about Nat, sacrificing herself so Yelena could come back and live her life.

I--I loved her too, guys.):

At the end, Yelena decided not to kill him, which was obvious but their expressions had me sobbing nevertheless.

It's so cute how Clint keeps thinking about Lucky. Like he's been through hell and still he remembers that they need to walk the dog.

Kate makes Clint a better person and I'm so down for it.

Now and, I'll be as calmed as possible… WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS HAPPENING HERE, MAYA LÓPEZ!?!??!? YOU SHOT WILSON? WHAT'S GOING ON? I NEED ANSWERS!!!

I know he's alive because why bring Vincent D'onofrio back just to kill the Kingpin? Makes no sense right?

Plus, we had Matt in NWH and they HAVE to meet again. And that's why I want to watch Echo. Matt Murdock is rumored to be in that series so, why not include Wilson Fisk, uh?

Leaving the hype and theories aside, I knew Kate would spend Christmas with the Bartons. And I love the fact that she brought Lucky with her.

So, Laura was a S.H.I.E.L.D agent? Uh. Interesting.

Clint and Kate burning the Ronin suit, putting an end to that era. Killing him (the Ronin) for good.

Kate's names were bad, and I gotta say that I screamed when Clint said he had a better idea.

Now, I was expecting a post-credit with Fisk walking away or something related to Yelena, but instead we had the Rogers musical and I'm not ashamed to admit that I know the lyrics of the song.

God, I'm gonna miss posting my spoilers. But, wait for my Eternals thoughts in January.

[slashingdisneypasta]

Slashers Toy Story!AU

Or, *cough* a way for me to write out a buncha funny Incorrect Quotes and smoosh two things I love together.

Woody: Jason Voorhees

Buzz Lightyear: Michael Myers

Jessie: Ghostface

Prospector/Stinky Pete: Roman Bridger

Bo Peep and Ham: Freddy Krueger

Mr Potato Head: Chucky / Charles Lee Ray

Mrs Potato Head: Tiffany Valentine

Slinky: Carrie White

Rex: Bubba Sawyer

Barbie: Jennifer Check

Ken: Patrick Bateman

Lotso-'O'-Huggin' Bear: Sheriff Hoyt / Charlie Hewitt. Was gonna be Bo, but Hoyt just fits way better. Plus he has Thomas.

Chuckles: Monty

Big Baby: Thomas hewitt

The Chatter Telephone: Luda Mae Hewitt

Also, Sunnydale Daycare: Ambrose. Because why not.

*I'm thing the kids in Toy Story are the fanbase and creators of the Slashers in this AU. Like, Andy and Bonnie are the original creators that make up the canon stuff and created them to be the infamous characters we all know- and Sid is us fan-people that twist and distort the characters for our own pleasure, haha XD *

An abundance of Incorrect Quotes bellow the cut!

Chucky: *With all the features on his face mismatched*

Chucky: Hey Freddy, look! I'm Picasso!

Freddy: ... yeah, I don't get it. *Leaves*

Chucky: *what... * You uncultured swine!! *Shakes his fist at Freddy's retreating back. That was a good fucking joke, goddamn.*

~

Michael: *Writing down on whiteboard:* Excuse me... I think the word you're searching for is

THE SHAPE.

Jason: *Already so done with this edgy boy's bullshit*

Jason: *Moves attention to his own whiteboard, starts writing*

Jason: *Shows board*

NO. The word I'm 'searching for', I cant say, because there are preschool toys present.

*Gestures ferociously to Carrie and Bubba.*

~

Jason: *Ughhhh. Shows board that he frantically wrote on:* Its not a KNIFE! Its a little stick of plastic!!

Freddy: What's wrong with him??

Chucky: Knife envy~

Freddy: Ah been there

~

Jason and Michael: *Watching Dr Loomis give psychology advice*

Jason and Michael: *Slowly tilting their heads sceptically, in unison*

Michael: *Holds up board for Jason to read:* ... I don't think that man has ever been to medical school.

~

Jason: *Trying to get Michael to help him. Writes passive aggressively on board and shoves the thing in Michael's view:* Would you give me a hand!???

Michael: *Fucking slices his own arm off and chucks it at Jason*

Look, he's having a bad day...

~

Freddy: *Sneaks up on Jason and digs his fingers into the giants sides*

Jason: *Whips around and cracks Freddy in the face from shock*

Jason: *Realises its just Freddy as the other groans and holds his nose, and looks a little guilty. Oh, Freddy. Writes on board and shows him:* There's gotta be a less painful way to get my attention.

Freddy: Agh- Fucking- Merry Christmas, hockey puck!

Jason: *Catches sight of something above them, tilts his head. Writes and shows board:* Isn't that mistletoe?

Freddy: *A slow, creepy grin rips across his face* Yep.

~ Toy Stoy 2~

Jason: *Frantically holding up a board:* Michael! I was a yo-yo!

Freddy and Chucky: *Look at each other*

Chucky: 'Was'?

~

*Michael and the others watching a dude try to buy Jason and failing.*

Michael: *Thinking: Mm, now just walk away.*

Man: *Follows after where Jason went.*

Michael: *Thinking: ... the other way.*

~

*After Jason has been stolen- everyone is panicking*

Michael: *Stomping his foot, trying to gather these psychopaths' attentions. Wait a minute! Wait, hold on! When he semi has their attention, he shows a piece of paper with writing on it:* This is not time to be hysterical.

Freddy: Its the perfect time to be hysterical.

Bubba: *Gasp. Should we be hysterical!?*

Carrie: *Tries to calm Bubba down, a hand on his arm and voice gentle* No-

Chucky: Yes.

Michael: *Thinking: ... well, maybe*

~

Freddy: Give this to Jason when you find him

Freddy: *SMACKS MICHAEL UPSIDE THE HEAD*

Michael: ... *Holds up board* Alright. But I don't think it'll mean the same thing coming from me.

~

Freddy: *Up ahead* Hey guys! Why did the toys cross the road!?

Michael: *But rolls his eyes. Not now bacon bits.*

Bubba: *Perks up and waives. Oh! He loves riddles. Why?*

Freddy: To get to the chicken... on the other side!

*They all look out and celebrate, seeing where Jason was being kept hostage... but then realise how dangerous getting across will be as a giant fricken truck careens by and crushes a can the same size as them*

Bubba: ... *Promptly turns around and starts walking back the way they came. Oh well. We tried-*

Michael: *Grabs Bubba back*

~

Jennifer: I can help! I'm Tour Guide Jen!

Jennifer: Please keep your hands, arms and accessories inside the car, and no flash photography! Thanks.

Chucky: -I'm a married man, I'm married man, I'm married man-

Freddy: *Shoves Chucky out of the way* Then make room for the single fellas.

~

Michael: *Ugh. Writes on board:* They're on level 23.

Carrie: How are we gonna get up there?

Bubba: *Gestures to balloons, then up to the sky. Meaning: Maybe if we find some balloons, we could float to the top!*

Chucky: Are you kidding? I say we stack ourselves up, push the intercom, and pretend we're delivering a pizza.

Freddy: How bout a roast? *Grins*

Freddy: *Assesses Chucky and Carrie in turn* With tenderised pig and a slaughtered lamb as sides.

Chucky: Hold the fuck up did you just call me a pig- and a side-

Carrie: What?

Bubba: Oh! Oh! *Pats his chest excitedly. Do him! What about me??*

Freddy: ... Eh, you can be the toy that comes with the meal.

~

*Michael does something to get them all hurt and doesn't to care at all, of course. Just moves on.*

Chucky: Remind me to glue his mask on his head when we get back.

Freddy: *Nods, yep*

~

Chucky:*Embracing Tiffany after having been away saving Jason*

Glen and Glenda: You saved our lives! We're eternally grateful!

Chucky: Oh, fuck...

Tiffany: You saved their lives, Chucky?? Oh, my hero.

Tiffany: *Immediately drops Chucky in favour of picking up the babies* And they're adorable! Lets adopt them!

Chucky: *Thinking: What? No- Absolutely not- Don't say tha-*

Glen and Glenda: Daaaaddy!

Chucky: Fuck.

~Toy Story 3~

Jason: *Holds up a sign as he stands there menacingly with his machete:* You got a date with justice, Charles.

Chucky: Heh, too bad, 'sheriff'. I'm a married man.

Tiffany: *Comes out screaming, wielding goddamn nun chucks*

~

Michael: *Eyes narrow behind mask, slowly holds up sign he prepared earlier:* Bastard son of a hundred maniacs.

Freddy: Hah. That's Mr Bastard son of a hundred maniacs, to you!

~

*The toys/Slashers watch some toys, including Jennifer and her car get thrown in the donation bin*

Ghostface: Oh, man, poor Jen.

Freddy: ... I get the corvette.

~

Tiffany: Its alright, Jen, it'll be okay.

Jennifer: Well... Needy and I have been growing apart for a while...

Jennifer: Its just... I cant believe she would kill me!

Chucky: *Who's 'best friend till the end'/victim also killed him* Yeah. Welcome to the club, toots.

~

Hoyt: They just love new toys, don't they?

Chucky: Love!? We've been chewed, kicked, drooled on-

Tiffany: Just look at my nails!

Hoyt: ... Hm. Well, here's the thing, sweetheart. You aint leavin' Ambrose.

Tiffany: *Thinking: Oh fuck no he did not just- * Sweetheart!? Who do you think you're talking to!? I have over 10 kills, and I deserve more respec-

Hoyt: *Covers Tiffany's mouth with his hand* Ah, that's better.

Chucky: *Thinking: I'm going to fuck this douche up- * Hey, no one takes my wife's mouth. *Shoves Hoyt back off her by the chest* 'Cept me.

~

*Hoyt and Thomas bring Chucky back from 'The Box'. He's more fucked up looking then usual, sand all through his hair and stuck to his plastic features. He shakes it out of his pockets.*

Tiffany: *Gasp* Sweetheart!

Chucky: Eugh... it was cold. And dark. Nothin' but sand and a couple of Lincoln logs.

Freddy: Ehhh... I don't think those were Lincoln logs.

~

Ghostface: I was wrong...

Chucky:

Chucky: Ghostface is right. He was wrong.

~

Jennifer: *Fake cries*

~

Chucky: *Slaps a Pidgeon*

~

*Trying to reset Michael back to his former settings/self (The one that knows them and therefore will maybe-perhaps-possibly not kill them*

Freddy: Oh- oh- oh, here we go. there should be a little hole under the switch.

Jason: *Little hole little hold little hole- Nods. Got it!*

Freddy: To reset your Michael Myers action figure, insert paper clip-

Jason: *Sharply turns to Bubba, urging him to put his finger in the hole quickly*

Freddy: Caution; Do not hold button for more then five seconds...

Michael: *Suddenly stops thrashing and goes slack*

Everyone: ...

Bubba: *Jumps off him, holding up his hands. Its not my fault!!*

~

Michael, on Spanish Mode: *Gives Jason two sweet kisses on either cheek*

Jason: *Awkwardly, slowly holds up sign:* We gotta switch him back.

~

Ghostface: Oh! Mikey!!

Michael, still on Spanish Mode: *Sees Ghostface*

Michael: *Drops to his knees, gathers up Ghostface's hand*

Michael: *Looks up at Ghostface in utter awe and admiration*

Ghostface: *Freaken freaked out. Shouldn't he be the creepy one in this outfit? Leans away* Uhh... did you fix Michael?

Freddy: Uh, sorta. I mean I for one think this is a huge improvement.

~

Michael, STILL on Spanish Mode: *Does a dance of feelings around Ghostface, wanting to express himself*

Ghostface: What- why- please stop I'm gonna pee myself- Of laughter or fear I have no idea but I WILL PEE

Michael: *Grabs and dips Ghostface, and holds up a sign* We will be the most famous killers in history, together.

Ghostface: *Thinking: Oh I can get behind that, hell yeah- *

Jason: *Arrives*

Ghostface: Oh- *Scrambles out of Michaels hold* JASE!

Michael: *Watches them move on together* *Throws down the sign*

Freddy: I suddenly feel disgusting, like... I somehow ended up in some kinda... love-square, of some kind...

~

Jason: *Nicely gestures for Michael to give him some help*

Michael, stillllllll on Spanish mode: *Sniffs his nose at Jason's hand, shoving him out of the way with one arm like no thank you.*

~

Jennifer: Authority should derive from the consent of the governed. Not from the threat of force! // Or, alternatively which I think fits a whole lot better- // I am not going to stand back here and let another fucking old white guy tell me what the fuck to do!

Chucky and Freddy, two old white guys: *Look at each other*

Chucky:

Freddy:

Chucky and Freddy: *Shrug*

And that's it seeing as I don't really wanna see Toy Story 4. I hope you enjoyed this silly thing with me at least a little XD

Okay so I got a little attached in the end.

[apinchofm]

Marcus' Disastrous Dating Past

requested by @katrie-reads - a lot of fun to write, as always.

1987

Matthew knew his son loved a party. Most vampires did.

What he wasn't expecting to come home to was multiple people draped across the living room of his house.

"Father." Marcus greeted. He was covered in blood and reeked of alcohol and sex.

After getting rid of everyone and Marcus cleaning himself up, Matthew sat him down. They needed to talk.

Matthew sighed and put his hands on his hips, "This needs to stop. You're going to end up seriously hurting someone." Or worse, turning them, passing on more blood rage. England didn't need a New Orleans sized incident. The Congregation would surely intervene and kill him.

"Well, there was a lot of moaning and groaning, but I assure you, it wasn't because they were in pain." Marcus retorted, flopping back onto an armchair.

"Christ, Marcus." Matthew sighed, sitting across from him, "What's going on?"

Marcus just shrugged, "Just... the usual." Slightly depressed, tired, needing to feel something.

Matthew wanted to yell, scream at him. But it was no use. Instead, he patted Marcus on the head, pulling him in for a brief hug.

"Sorry, I will try to do better."

2018

"Is that the doorbell?" Diana asked, confused and tired. It rang multiple times and she sat up, very confused. She didn't want them to wake up the kids.

"Yes," Matthew replied. He could smell humans.

They went down to check and could hear high pitched giggling. Diana opened the door, to see three drunk, scantily dressed young women.

"Uh, hi. Are you lost?" Diana asked. The girls were clearly drunk out of their mind, and definitely on something. Probably lost.

"You're not Marcus." One pouted, "Where is he?"

Matthew sighed in exasperation and knocked his head against the wall multiple times. Diana looked at him confused.

"Why don't you come in and we'll call you ladies a car and get you some coffee?" Diana offered and shepherded the three girls in. Matthew got them all blankets, knowing they were coming down from their highs.

"Why would they think that this is Marcus' house?" Diana asked, confused as she made them cups of coffee.

"Because he very much enjoys making my life difficult. The problem with multiple properties is that he uses them all for his... liaisons around the world. Sometimes he doesn't even have to go out, just writes his address

"Your address is on the wall of some rave or seedy club?" Diana tried not to laugh as she placed the cups of coffee on a tray, carrying them carefully into the living room where the girls were sitting.

"Not funny."

"It's kinda funny," Diana said as she handed out the mugs of coffee.

"We had the most amazing night together, and he was gone." One cried and Diana awkwardly patted her shoulder in comfort.

Matthew sighed, questioning every life decision he made for him to end up dealing with drunk women looking for his son.

2021

Phoebe smiled, "I shouldn't be allowed in Harrods by myself."

"Why, because you'll buy the entire store?" Marcus indicated to the multiple bags he held with ease.

"Don't complain, your present is in there," Phoebe warned.

"Well, I have the best present with me, already," Marcus said, kissing her lightly.

The two walked hand in hand down the snowy Knightsbridge street after picking up Christmas presents for their family.

"What's the matter?" Phoebe asked. She could see Marcus had sensed something, stopping and gripping her hand tighter.

"Daemon," Marcus replied. He turned around as the older woman approached him. She was pissed.

"You bastard." She slapped him. It didn't hurt him, but rather surprised him. He resisted the urge to tear out her throat, growling.

Phoebe looked surprised, "What the hell?"

"If I were you, I'd dump him." The woman warned before storming off.

"So, are you going to tell me why a daemon slapped you in the middle of Oxford Street?" Phoebe asked when they got home.

Marcus sighed, "I think I met her sometime in the 70s. Bowie concert. We slept together a couple times, she said she loved me and I ran away."

He was nervously expecting Phoebe to hate him,

Instead, she burst out laughing, at the fact that this man had slept his way through Europe so many times, in multiple eras. She was surprised she didn't run into his exes and former flings on a regular basis.

"How many people have you pissed off?" Marcus thought, but he couldn't... nope. Couldn't count them.

"Aww," She wrapped her arms around his neck, "Your manwhoring is coming back to bite you in the arse. Or slap you in the face." She shouldn't be surprised.

"Hahaha. I am reformed and am a one-woman vampire." Marcus promised, kissing her.

......

The young couple walked down the streets of Paris, after a lovely dinner, Phoebe resting her head on Marcus' shoulder .

"Thomas?" A beautiful, young vampire, approached the couple. Marcus recognised her and braced himself for a punch.

"Sorry, it's Marcus now."

The vampire immediately looked apologetic "Sorry, we haven't seen each other in, a while."

"Elise." Marcus said, surprised, "This is my fiancée, Phoebe."

"Hello, nice to meet you," Phoebe smiled. Elise smiled happily at her, again surprising Marcus.

Elise looked pleasantly surprised, "Most women are not as nice to their fiancee's exes."

"Well, you haven't slapped him yet, but, feel free to," Phoebe replied. Elise laughed at Marcus' 'darling, why would you encourage that?' look.

"Actually, I wanted to thank you. If I hadn't been for you leaving me in some seedy motel, I would've never met my husband." She indicated to the other vampire taking photographs of the scenery "He was working as a stage photographer with Queen at the time, and he helped me out."

"Oh?" Marcus was pleasantly surprised, "So you don't hate me?"

"No, I don't hate you. I understand you, and I'm glad that you found someone who made you want to settle down." She smiled, "You know, we all party to fill that void inside, I'm glad you filled it. It was nice to see you again, and nice to meet you, Phoebe. Have a pleasant evening." And with that, she walked off.

"Well, look at you, Dr Whitmore, matchmaker in disguise." Phoebe teased.

"Well, what can I say?" Marcus replied.

"Seriously, I know you have the endurance. But why so many people in such little time?"

"Being what we are, especially without a mate, gets lonely. You want to feel something, anything. And you've met my family, we're not exactly the most affectionate bunch." Marcus shrugged.

Phoebe frowned and wrapped her arms around him, "Well, you never have to be alone again."

[spiltscribbles]

You're doing prompts! Yesss you have no idea how happy that makes me cause I love you're writing so so so much its so amazing soo yayyyyyy 🥳🥳 can I request prompt 32? Things you said I wouldn't understand. Maybe some wolfstar? I'm just a slut for your fics so I would probably die if you wrote this. Even if you don't that's fine I never wanna pressure you soo yeah love you 💕💕

~Notes: Gorgeous, this message is literally so fucking kind and I am absolutely SOBBING!!!! You are such a fucking gorgeous soul! And this means the galaxy! And I’m sorry! This screams angst, but I had a really really fucking awful day, so I just wanted to escape with some fluff :( But if you want me to redo I promise I will! Or you can send me another prompt and I’ll write angst! I adore you!!!

.-

A Reblog Is Worth A Thousand Stars  »  Send Me A Prompt  » Things You Said That I Couldn’t Understand

.-

Sirius realizes on an ordinary Tuesday morning as he spills the chocolate chips into the batter of the first batch of flapjacks, that he and his husband of over a decade haven’t had a date night for three months.

Three! Ruddy! Months!

THat’s completely not on! especially considering that now that the twins have entered their terrible twos they’ve barely had any energy at all  to go beyond furtive hand jobs and messy kisses in almost just as long. Sirius misses his bloody husband damn it!

“Daddy?” Angelica asks with owlish eyes  from where she and her younger brother, Teddy, are standing on either side of him with their expectant  plates in hand. “You look peaky.”

“Like you’re gonna puke,” Teddy tacks on helpfully, his ordinarily tawny curls  turning a putrid shade of  green just to emphasize his point. And Sirius silently reminds himself to tell Tonks off for teaching his kid such rude gestures once she gets back from her honeymoon with that Muggle bird of hers.

“Oi, you guys are going to make your old man feel like he’s the Hogwarts squid if you keep on.” Sirius tells them with a soft tug on Angelica’s ponytail and a cluck of a tongue directed towards his son.

“You’re father’s probably still just getting use to the time difference after getting back from the states.”

Sirius straightens up— pulse spiking in that way it always has around Remus ever since they had first begun to go out as fifth years— and spots him padding into the kitchen, beautifully sleep rumpled and cradling a babbling Maeve in one arm, while her twin, Matthew, toddles along side them with a meaty thumb in his mouth. Though he immediately begins sprinting towards Sirius once realizing that he’s finally home from teaching those Americans the newly enhanced defense tactics that the British Aurors have been utilizing to successful degrees.

“THere’s my Matty,” he crows, lifting him up in the air and blowing a raspberry into his belly while the toddler squawks with glee.

“Daddy home! Daddy! Daddy!”

“And he brings with him enough noise to rival the frog choir,” Remus notes absently.

Sirius waggles his tongue over at him, heart stuttering when he watches the morning sun spilling through the wide partition and unspooling golden in Remus’s hair. “You need it, gorgeous, considering you couldn’t wake up to your own ruddy alarm.”

Remus smiles in that abashed way that’s always been more devious than most give him credit for, “It’s the seventh year Ravenclaws, I think they will actually end up giving me an aneurism with how much extra they write in the essays.”

“Alas, I’m too pretty to be a widow,” Sirius sighs, tossing Matthew up in the air once more and cradling him into  his arm before walking over to Remus and dipping down to kiss the corner of his mouth. “I’ve missed you.”

“You could’ve woken me up you know,” Remus mumbles, shifting from foot to foot while sliding Maeve into her high chair. “The moon’s not til tomorrow night.”

Sirius ducks his head, scratching the back of it with appropriate diffidence. “I just didn’t want to disturb you, love.”

Remus doesn’t catch his eye as he begins to walk over to the counter and brings the other portions of the meal to the table, lips pinched and shoulders stiff. “I’m not a total invalid, Sirius. I could welcome my husband home after a week apart.”

“What’s that mean, Tad?” Teddy asks, oblivious to the undercurrent of hurt in his father’s tone and  energetic as always while scrambling into his own seat around the breakfast nook, wide eyes glowing with that easy mirth that Sirius is thankful every day his children can feel without any lingering ghosts. “A, erm— In—valvid."

“It means your Tad’s a bit brassed off at me, Ted.” Sirius answers for him, affecting a light hearted cadence. "And that I better get round to finishing up breakfast or else he’ll give me that stiff upper lip of his.”

Remus pins him with a glare from over his shoulder while Sirius sets Matthew into his own seat besides his sister, but his features are softened and Sirius knows that it means he’s close to being forgiven.

“Daddy can I have blueberries in mine,” Angelica asks as he returns to the oven.

“Course, jellybean,” Sirius answers, adopting the pet name that Hope had called her granddaughter ever since they had brought her back from the hospital eight years ago. Sirius loved it even more once finding out that it was actually a reference to some sort of Muggle treat that Remus use to eat by the handfuls as a lad.

“OmyChocomydadzee,” Ted yells towards them with a wedge of cheese in his mouth before sticking his fork into the plate of sliced fruit so to waggle it in front of a giggling Maeve.

“Sorry, son, I don’t understand trollish. Or is that some sort of highly advanced Metamorphmagus language that your Aunty Dora has been teaching you on the sly that we lowly, ordinary wizards couldn’t possibly understand?”

Teddy rolls his bright eyes with a huff, swallowing down pointedly before speaking again. “Only chocolate in mine, just like Tad!”

“Manners, Ted, remember please and thank yous.” Remus says, long suffering as he eases down into his own seat and sips from the mug of coffee that Sirius had already prepared for him. “Though yes, I’d like mine to be chocolate too, Sirius, if you’re taking orders.”

Sirius grins indulgently at them before peering down to his eldest. “Angie darling, what shall we do with their teeth once they fall out from all that sugar?”

Angelica laughs glowingly, and Sirius brushes back her chestnut bangs with a reverent hand.”The snow warlock outdoors could use it since he’s only got a carrot nose after Matty ate the chocolate frogs we were s’pose to  use for his smile.”

“Brilliant!”

.-

After they’ve all eaten, Teddy and Angelica race outside to await the Potters amidst shouts of “Shut your trap,” from a peeved off Teddy every time Angelica taunts him over his crush on Effie, and the twins dig into their toy chest in the living room while Sirius and Remus spell away the mess that always ensues after a meal with the Lupin-Blacks.

“Andromeda wants us to bring the Christmas pudding this year,” Remus idly tells Sirius while he enchants the dishes to begin washing themselves with a graceful flick of his wand. Remus ordinarily prefers cleaning them by hand, so Sirius has an inkling that the impending full moon has already  begun aching in his bones. Merlin’s saggy bollocks does he wish this new, experimental potion would just escape the bureaucracy of the Ministry so that the man who is his other half could at least have a small relief.

“Is that along with the wine and fresh cranberry sauce she’s asked for?” Sirius says, saddling up behind Remus, bending slightly so to nuzzle his nose along the hollow of his long neck.

“Mmm, she thought you might say that, and wanted to kindly remind you that she carried a set of twins for us when she was forty even though we promised that Ted would be the last sprog.”

“Pff, as if I’d let potter outdo us.”

“We definitely didn’t let that happen,” Remus snorts. “The twins and Pip will surely be the next generation Marauders, God save Minerva.”

“Exactly!” Sirius sneers, locking his arms around Remus’s torso. “Besides ’s not like it’s our fault Meda’s bloody eggs decided on a two for one deal.”

Remus stifles a laugh, leaning back into the embrace and setting his hand over Sirius’s where he’s begun thumbing small circles against his abdomen. “Yes, well if you’d like to have that argument with her?”

“Oh, she’s full of it. I know that the twins are her favorites, spoils them rotten I tell you Moons.”

“Well it’s hard not to with such cute faces,” Remus says, turning his head slightly so to peer over at the pair of them through the doorway. Maeve is munching on the leg of her barbie and Matthew is clashing together pieces of two completely contradictory puzzles. Sirius swears that his chest might implode with the love he feels for his chaotic, little family.

“Course they’re cute, Moons,” he says loftily instead of the incredibly sappy emotions that are flooding his insides. “They’re are kids, cute is in the genes.”

“Cocky bastard,” Remus snorts before turning around in his arms and kissing him full on the mouth. And yes, the sight of Remus curled around the latest essay he’s meant to be marking up with the baby monitor for the twins’s room clutched in his left fist, was an absolute heavenly sight, but Sirius thinks this more hands on approach is a much more appropriate welcome after dealing with an ocean between them and six nights apart.

“Mmm, does this mean I’m not in the dog house anymore?” Sirius asks hopefully, trailing a path of kisses along Remus’s jawline and stopping at the hinge where it meets his neck so to suck only slightly, reveling in the beautifully familiar taste of his husband.

“You were never in the dog house you daft mutt,” Remus reproves in a voice that could’ve been caustic if it weren’t for his words going breathy half way through and his hands clutching tightly onto Sirius’s shoulders. “’S just— Just… Nothing.”

Sirius feels his stomach twist, pulling off of him with a scowl set on his face, and refusing for Remus to just brush this aside, the way he’s always want to do instead of talking about anything that actually might be hurting him. Like he’s afraid that his sodding feelings are somehow a burden, the self-possessed bastard.

“Tell me,” he intones, brooking no arguments while he gently takes Remus’s face in hand so he can’t look away.

His gorgeous features twist up, indignant and mulish, but they relax almost just as quickly, a defense tactic that’s melt away almost completely after so long of being intwined with one another in the most intimate of ways.

“Sirius, there was a time that you could hardly keep your hands off of me after being away for less than half as long,” Remus tells him, voice wavering only slightly. “And I understand if it’s getting tiring having to parent around the moon’s schedule—“

“What the bloody fuck are you talking about,” Sirius really meant to listen to him all the way through, he did! But he can’t help just how furious he got at the sound of that absolutely ridiculous conclusion Remus has somehow conjured up in his impossible mind. Positively hates how this is still such a point of sensitivity Remus has when it regards to their relationship.

“Sirius—“

“Don’t be a completely idiotic arse, Lupin!” Sirius very nearly shouts, absolutely broiling. “You are the love of my life, and I wouldn’t change a single sodding thing about us! And I swear to Merlin or Morgana or whoever the fuck else, that if you begin speaking such rubbish again, I’ll have to lock you up in our bedroom, and show you just how intensely I mean that.”

Remus’s face has gone flushed throughout Sirius’s diatribe, and his hazel eyes twinkle with that adoring way of his that always makes Sirius’s heart lodge somewhere in his diaphragm. “Lupin-Black.”

“Pardon?”

“You called me Lupin, it’s Lupin-Black now, has been for quite a while.”

Sirius chuckles lowly, feeling his righteous anger  deflate as  he crowds Remus against the kitchen island and presses their foreheads together. “You done being a senseless sod then?”

Remus locks his hands around Sirius’s neck, kisses his cupids bow with a tender earnestness. “You still could’ve woken me up.”

“I just wanted to make sure that you wouldn’t be exhausted for tomorrow, love.” Sirius reiterates, kissing him with feeling before pulling apart once more. “Though if I’m being totally honest,  I would’ve liked it if you could’ve wanked me off in hello.”

“That’s all you would’ve wanted?” Remus asks smugly, the tip of his index finger tracing idl patterns  against Sirius’s neck.

“Mmm, don’t tease me, Moony.” Sirius tells him before sharing another snog. “I was just thinking earlier on that it’s been three ruddy months since I’ve had you to myself for the entire night.””

Remus’s smile brightens, “Oh yeah? You’ve missed that have you?” He bucks forwards, and Sirius can feel him pressed completely against his front.

“I think I might go mad very, very soon, Mssr Moony if we don’t correct this most awful of grievances.”

Remus laughs fondly, kissing the tip of his nose with a smile on his face. “Well I reckon that the twins are old enough to sleep through the night, and Grandma Lupin is always asking after them.”

Sirius brightens ten fold, “Really?”

“I’m sure the kids won’t mind spending an extended weekend on the Welsh coast.” Remus nods.

“Right, good. Yes! Let’s use that tellamabob thing.”

“But the kitchen’s still a mess.”

“Remus, please have mercy on me,” Sirius begs with his best pleading look until his husband finally relents in that worldweary way of his, even if it’s him who snatches Sirius’s wrist and drags him to that muggle contraption, an excited jittering to his grasp all the while.

Sirius is irrecoverably in love with such a bellend.

~*~

My Wolfstar FIC Masterlist

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

❛ THE PROPOSITION ❜

with Angel Reyes.

Chapter Three, final. Index.

Request #1: Hola! Angel asking for Felipe to have Marisol's ring cause he went to propose to his girlfriend. But Felipe says No cause he thinks EZ deserve its more. ( And cause WE know he love EZ more ) So Angel is like " Fuck this shit" And either is breaks in Felipe house to steal this ring Or Either he go brought the biggest and perfect ring ! 🤩

BY ANON

Request #2: Hey! Angel do something very impressive for his girlfriend ( like big and impressive asking for marriage or Travel 5 states just for see her) and this ending by Felipe being very impressive by his Sons and take conscience he is a bad dad for Angel. 🙏❤️🤟🤟

BY ANON

Warnings: none.

Word count: about 3k

Aurora says: this writing hasn't been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I'm sorry about that!

Gif credits: @pantherclawz

Masterlist.

Almost one week without hearing his voice. Receiving one or two text messages per day, just to tell you that he's tired or that he's working. You know he is hiding something, confirming your suspicion when EZ began to decline all your calls. And, when you talked with Felipe three days ago, the only thing he told you was that he didn't know anything about his kids. So you started to think the worst. At first you thought that maybe Angel had an accident and his brother was trying to cover him, but when you called Bishop this morning, you heard your boyfriend's voice saying that he was ‘going to pick up the girl’. And now, you don't know what to think.

Licking your lips, sitting in the back garden of the house, you play with your phone between your fingers. It's almost midnight and it's a little cold outside, wearing nothing but an Angel's shirt. You decide to call him again, but it's his voicemail who answers again, even if you shouldn't be doing it after drinking too many beers, while your friends are sleeping and resting for the last seminar the next morning. But you wait for the last tone.

“Hey, it's me… your girlfriend, remember? I've been calling you… I don' know, maybe the fucking whole day. Where the fuck are you, Angel? And don't you fucking dare to tell me that you were working, 'cause I heard you this morning talking about some bitch to pick up. But fo' say something, first you have to answer the fucking phone!”

Sounds pathetic the way you are talking to him, saying all the things that you wouldn't say to him being sober. Hiccuping, you find yourself crying unconsolable, with an agonic pain oppressing your chest and squeezing your heart.

“Just… two fucking weeks, Angel! You couldn' keep your fucking dick inside your pants, for two fucking weeks! Is that the… shit I mean to you? Two years thrown overboard because of what? How many times have you done it, ah? All these… shit about not calling during a run… were you doing the same shit, Angel? How many fucking times has you betrayed me?!”

You can't help but laugh bitterly, cleaning your tears with the back of your hand, trying to calm yourself and to not wake up anyone.

“I fucking love you… with all my heart. I didn' complain about anything, never…” Although your voice sounds low and a little bit calmed, inside you there's a storm devastating you. “I put you first, always, since the first moment I met you… I can't fucking believe you're gonna lea—leave me and… the way you're doing it… I thought you were different, but I guess I was wrong”.

Hardly sniffing, you close your eyes letting go everything inside your chest, before finishing the message. Curling up your legs to surround them with both arms, you rest your chin over your knees. You can't avoid thinking about all those times he has promised you a future together, living in a big house and having children. Or about all those times he has been crying clinged to you, talking about how his father has been always putting him apart. You have cared about him more than anyone in his life. You have given him all. Without asking anything back, more than loyalty. And you wouldn't even have to ask for it.

Even so, you're starting to regret all the things you have said, without knowing if it's true or not. But how are you going to find it out, if anyone says nothing?

“Oh, shit… Oh, shit, shit, shit…” Angel is sitting on top of his bike, with a hand holding his phone and the other rubbing the bridge of his nose.

His brothers are looking at all the gestures that he's drawing unconsciously on his face. Rage, sadness, incredulous… When the message ends, he lies down over the handerball, softly hitting his head against it. He tries to call you, but your phone is practically dead, off of battery. Bishop walks towards him, having a sip from his beer.

“All good, Angel?”

“She thinks I'm fucking cheating her, because he heard me say about picking up Leti, this morning”. Stepping out from his motorcycle, he looks for Tori's number, hoping she answers the call.

Walking around the parking like a locked lion in the zoo, he's starting to think about driving right now to Los Angeles.

“The hell is wrong with you, shithead?” The female voice sounds tired, being interrupted by a long yawn.

“Tori, listen. Find (Y/N). She's drunk, thinking I'm cheating on her”.

“Yeah, 'cause you have been ignoring her ass”.

“I've been workin—”.

“Nah, c'mon, Angel. Tell these tales to someone wh—”.

“I was working to buy a wedding ring”.

Silence. Tori suddenly sits up on her bed, turning on the lights and waking up Sarah. The girl who was sleeping peacefully, now is being woken up by shaking her left arm. Having some growls as response, she looks at her girlfriend frowning, while she hears Angel's voice through the speaker.

“Just listen, please. Calm her down, okay? 'Am coming tomorrow to LA. I already talked to your boss and I can't tell you anything else. Just… calm her down, please”.

“Okay, we got this, Angel”.

Hanging up the call, both girls jump off from the bed, walking towards your room. Empty. But following your crying, they stick out their heads by the window, finding you in the garden. This hurts them too. They were with you the night you met Angel, and they also love him a lot. They know how much he cares about you and even if Sarah and Tori couldn't believe that he was with another girl, it wasn't normal his way to act the last days. But now, everything has sense, and they are pretty excited to see him tomorrow and discover what he has been preparing for the proposition.

Going downstairs and trying to hide their happiness, your friends sit by each side to hug you. A collective hug to make you feel somewhat better, but you can't stop crying.

“Baby… what's up?” Tori asks, caressing gently your hair.

“This… fucking bastard… I fucking gave him all, the best of me!”

“You talkin' 'bout Angel? C'mon, (Y/N)! He told you he made the most of his time to work a little more, and not miss you. Two weeks is too much time for you both”.

“I heard him talking about another girl”.

“So, what? Since when he can't have friends, ah? I have slept with him at his house… hundred times, and that doesn't mean that I cheated Tori, or he cheated you. And believe me, your boyfriend is a fantasy even for me”. Sarah says, making you chuckle in some way. “I'm sure he has been working hard, as you do when he is traveling. So, don't think any bullshit about Angel. He loves you more than anything, okay?”

“Let's go to bed, okay, honey? We have to be awake in five hours for a long, long, long seminar. Lucky it's the last one”. Tori says standing up on her feet, helping you to get up from the grass.

Angel comes into the clubhouse with an excited smile on his lips, like a child on Christmas Day, rubbing his hands and clapping happily calling everybody's attention.

“You got it, hermano?”

He nods energetically, walking fast to the main round table, where the oldest were waiting for him to come back from the jewelers. The Reyes tucks a hand inside his pocket in complete silence, putting over the wood a small red velvet box. Between his fingers, he supports the bottom part to open the top, showing the ring for what he has been working too hard the last two weeks; without sleeping, without resting, without a drop of alcohol, without partying. Nothing. Just working hard. The fine gold ring is perfectly resting inside a small gap, showing only the top of it. A king's crown with a diamond in it, that shines so easily with natural light that could illuminate a whole room. The crew is looking at it fascinated. And yes, the ring couldn't be perfect, but it's the feeling of pride for Angel that makes them smile.

“Fuck, brother… If she doesn' want to marry you, I will”. Creeper is captivated by the jewel, with his eyes fixed on.

“Why the fuck she wouldn't want to marry me, dumbshit?”

“Ignore him, carnal”. Coco palms his back, resting his arm on a shoulder.

“So, what you say, ah?” He asks, anxious to hear Bishop, Tranq and Taza's opinion. Without them, it couldn't be possible.

“Fuck, man, I would marry you too if you propose me with this ring”. Che is the first one, taking the step to grab the small box and have a closed look from it.

“You did a good job, Angel. You deserve it”. Tranq just says with both arms on the table.

“Prez?”

Bishop keeps looking at the box, seeming thoughtful, slowly raising his eyes to the others after some seconds in silence.

“I think you are doing the right thing for the first time since I know you. That girl deserves a man like you, Angel. And I know she is not the kind of woman who would care about the ring, but you found the perfect one”.

Your boyfriend can't feel more proud. It would be impossible.

“Go change your clothes, you have four hours of road ahead”. El Presidente places a hand on Angel's nape with a soft narrow over it.

He just nods, keeping again the box inside a pocket to get up and leave the place to his dorm, where he has been sleeping the last two weeks. The black jeans and the white shirt are perfectly stretched over his bed. The Reyes hurries up to have a shower, not wasting a second more, brushing and doing his hair with trembling fingers. He hasn't known anything about you since he talked with Tori and Sarah some hours ago, hoping that they finally calmed you down and got you rid of those ideas about him cheating you. When he's already dressed, sitting on the edge of the mattress to put on his boots, Angel grabs the black bomber jacket trespassing the box from a piece of clothing to the other, zipping the pocket to not lose it.

Coming back to the main room of the clubhouse, his brothers receive him between whistles and cheers.

“Man, you smell good”. Coco says coming too close.

“Ah, ah. Take care, brother. Don't want you to stain my fresh clothes”. He says taking a step back.

“My apologies, your grace”. He chuckles.

“Bishop?”

“Templo”. Taza says having a sip from a coffee.

Checking the hour on his phone, assuring himself that he has enough time, the Reyes leads his steps to the meeting-room, closing the glass colorful door behind him.

“Already leaving?”

“Yeah, prez, I just… want to thank you for giving me the three k left. I will continue working to gi—”.

“Take it as a wedding gift”. The mexican stops him with his own words, shaking his head and making a light gesture with a hand.

“I couldn't do it without you, Tranq and Taza”.

“I heard what you told to your brother. In the office”. He says then, lying back on his chair. “I am not going to… give you my opinion about your father, but he shouldn't behave like that, Angel”.

“I know, Bishop. And… I would thank you for not telling anything about it to (Y/N). She loves my pops”.

“That honors you”.

“Don't know, but I don't wanna be like him”.

El Presidente simply nods.

“Bring back Mrs. Reyes”.

Your head hurts like hell, having to use your glasses because of the blurry gaze you have got by the hangover. The seminar is turning out eternal. The last thing you care about right now is how to operate with an open heart, you have already done it and you could skip this part. But it's for compulsory attendance. So there you are, drawing nothing on your iPad as if you were taking notes, fighting against the pain, the tiredness and the uncertainty about Angel. He continues not answering your text or calls, and you can't help but think about what Sarah told you last night.

“... you for coming, and I hope that these two weeks have been productive for your learning”.

The claps flood the conference room, while the other doctors begin to pick up their stuff and finally leave the place. You can't believe that it's already done and that you're allowed to come back home, checking again your muttered phone expecting to find something. But the notifications bar is empty.

“Ladies and gentlemen, if you don't mind, I'm going to steal you a couple minutes. Sit back, please”. The voice of your boss through the speakers makes you raise an eyebrow.

“The desire to be noticed by that man fucks me up”. Tori chuckles with a low tone, sitting again over her seat.

“I know that we all are tired, but it's just going to be a couple minutes, I promise. I just want to help a friend”.

“No…” Sarah looks at her girlfriend really surprised, making you frown confused.

“Girls, the fuck you did?”

“You just… enjoy the show, my dear”.

You can see your boss making a gesture to someone by a side of the stage, to come closer. But when your eyes find Angel walking over it, your blood freezes and your heart stops. Lucky you're between almost more than two hundred doctors and surgeons. Leo gives up the micro to your boyfriend, looking for you. And obviously, your two friends start to yell like crazy to call his attention.

“Hey, ahm… You don't know me and I don't know you, but… I'm Angel. Dr. (Y/L/N)'s boyfriend and I came to… give her an important message”. He says with a nervous tone, before smirking at you, clearing his throat. “Hey, baby, can you… can you come here, please?”

“Go”. Your friends push you to get up, but your legs feel like butter about to fall downstairs.

As soon as he's able to hug you, he does, not caring about the claps from the people in front of you.

“Okay, okay, listen”. Holding one of your hands and pulling himself away, he laughs a little bit nervous for a second. “We met two years ago, in the middle of nowhere. I was fuc— sorry. I was hurt because of a fight. And you fixed up my wounds with so much love, patience and care, that I fell for you”.

“Angel…”

“Sh, listen. I think I'm going to have a heart attack, so let me talk before falter to the floor. Listen, you have been my best friend, my anchor, my reason to live since then. I love you more than I could ever love anyone... I can't live without you, baby. And before you say anything else like last night, no. I didn't try and I'm not going to do it, because I'm lost without you, (Y/N). So, ahm… Hey, boss, can you hold the mic'?” Turning to Leo, the man takes it back.

You're trembling, looking at your friends for a moment trying to find an explanation. But when your gaze is again on your boyfriend, he's already kneeling with a hand inside a pocket grabbing something. A small red box. And you can't believe what's happening. Taking a step back and covering your face with both hands, you start to cry like a child, with your pulse racing under your skin.

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N), would you marry me?”

The crew is waiting anxiously at the porch, after not receiving any news back from LA. But they all get up from their seats on the sofas and the stairs, when they hear Coco's car being driven by Angel coming closer. As soon as he parks it close to the bikes, not finding you on the passenger seat and looking at the devastated gesture on his face, they know that the proposition wasn't as they were expecting. Stepping out of the car, he just shrugs his shoulders.

“Hey, carnal, it's okay. She will reconsider it”. Coco says hugging his friend, trying to comfort him.

“She will say yes, Angel, don't give up”. Bishop palms softly his nape.

And you are drowning in laughs hidden on the floor of the back seats. Looking slightly through the window, you find the crew very affected because supposedly you said ‘no’. Taking some air, you jump out of the car yelling with a huge smile on your lips.

“Surprise, madafakas!”

“Jesus fucking Christ! I'm too old for these frights!” Taza shouts at you back, indignant with a hand on his chest barely breathing.

“I'm confused”. Gilly says from nowhere.

“What? Doesn't sound good Mrs. Reyes for you?” Walking towards them, raising the hand with the amazing ring, they all look surprised.

“I'm going to fucking shoot you, Angel”. Bishop threats him, before leading his steps to yours. “Welcome home, querida”.

“Thank you”. Hugging him, you rest your head against his chest. “Angel told me you help him”.

“It was nothing, kid”. Clicking his tongue and pulling himself away, he caresses your cheek for a second.

“Yo! Mami! You look stunning now that you're engaged”. Coco lifts you up between his arms, narrowing you under his grip.

“Yeah, you see?!”

“Hey, hey, social distancing”. Your future husband takes you off from his friend's hands, to hold you closer with an arm surrounding your neck.

“Look at you, Mr. and Mrs. Reyes”. Creeper says very proud, nodding in accordance.

“Let's celebrate it that you didn' kick my ass, mi dulce”.

✨ Tag list:

@starrynite7114 ​ @chibsytelford ​ @dazzledamazon ​ @mara-mpou ​ @sammskellington ​ @gemini0410 ​ @1-800-imagines ​ @briana-mishell24 ​@sassymox @aquamento @sadeyesgf @viviansafizada @samcrobae @jade770 @witchy-wish @rebel-without-cause-x @xx--day-dreamer--xx @spiced-reads @tita127 @ifoundmyhappythought @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @angelxshiba @destynelseclipsa @sheeshgivemeabreak @abbiesthings @knowles-morgan @lady-pswrld @minnicelli @marquelapage @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @jadesamhart @mycupoffanfiction @claytoncardenasbabymama @thesandbeneathmytoes @phoenixhalliwell @thewarriorprincessxo @sugary-x-sweet @multiyfandomgirl40 @imanerdychubbyqueen @iambabyharry @firebenderwolf @itsanofrommesir @noz4a2 @peaches007 @edonaspanca @irenne-stans @skyofficialxx @that-chick212 @creepingfromthecorners

If you want to be tagged, send me a message!

[me-and-your-husband]

Christmas Countdown Day 2: Gingerbread House w/Andy

Decorating a Gingerbread house before Christmas was a huge tradition in my family growing up. I wanted to continue that tradition into my family, so when I asked Andy if he wanted to build one together, he was all to eager.

After work one night, I picked one up from the store, along with an assortment of candy, icing and sprinkles.

When I got home with grocery bags in hand, Andy quickly rushed off of the couch to come help, pressing a quick kiss to my forehead.

"How was your day, baby?" He called from the kitchen to where I was hanging my coat on the hanger by the door.

"Eh. It was average. Nothing overly exciting happened, but I'm happy to see you. How was yours?" I called back, walking to the kitchen.

He was taking the groceries out of the bag and putting them on the kitchen island. I crept up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist, laying my head on his back. "It was great, actually. I made a break through on that case I was talking about, the Jansen case, remember?" he chimed.

"The one with the girl who killed her son and husband?" He nodded. "Yeah, I remember," I said with a lighthearted chuckle.

"Well, after my lunch break I remembered you saying something in college about thinking outside of the box, or not overthinking it and looking at the obvious details, or something. How did it go?"

My eyes lit up. "Instead of thinking outside the box, get rid of the box. Deepak Chopra."

"Yes! That's it. Anyways, I took a step back and looked for holes in the timeline, and went from there." He ranted as I moved around to the other side of the island to look at him, leaning forward on my elbows as he continued to unpack the groceries.

"I figured out that her alibi didn't match up with the security camera dates, and oh, you got one!" He cheered as he pulled out the gingerbread house and proceeded to look at all of the other sugary additives I bought.

I chuckled, "Yeah. We can do it tonight if you're up for it, but finish what you were saying first." I said, and he looked like a child on Christmas morning, quite ironically.

-

Sitting across from each other at the kitchen table, Andy and I set up to start decorating. As I'm positioning the five panels, the walls and the floor, in a cross formation as organization is key, Andy was reading the instructions.

"We don't need those, Andy," I giggled, causing him to give me a puzzled look.

"What do you mean?" He queried.

"I've been doing this for like, two decades, Andy. I'm a gingerbread architect." He just shook his head and laughed, putting the instructions down on the table and pushing them to the side.

"Okay, so first, we're going to use the icing..." I said as my eyes skimmed the table for the pastry bag. Andy spotted it before me and grabbed it, handing it to me. "Thank you. We'll take the icing, and line the edges of each panel in it one by one, sticking them to the base panel after." I grabbed the other pastry bag and slid it across the table towards him.

Picking up a wall, I showed him how to do it. I just outlined a box around the inside of the square with the icing, and iced a line on the base panel and stuck it on. "Voila."

He nodded his head and decided it looked easy enough. He repeated the same thing I did, and stuck it on the base. Easy.

We both did another wall, and then it was time for the roof.

"Why don't you do the roof, gingerbread master. I'll most definitely fuck it up in some way," he chuckled, placing the pastry bag on the table.

"If you're sure, gingerbread apprentice," I said, shooting him a wink. My teeth caught my bottom lip as I lined the two roof panels with icing and placed them on top of the house in precision.

"There," I said, sitting back down and taking a breath. "Now we have to wait for the icing to harden and fuse the house together, kind of, fuse is the wrong word but you know what I mean," I shook my head at myself.

"Right. Well why don't we order something in?" He suggested with a smirk. I eagerly agreed. Building a gingerbread and cooking dinner wasn't very appealing to me.

-

After dinner, which was simply Chinese takeout from our favourite place, we sat back down and got ready to decorate.

"Okay. I'll take the whole left side, you take the right," I declared. He nodded and we began.

We were both so focused on making our sides look perfect, not letting the other see until it was finished. The silence was comfortable, but the mood could use a little more festivity.

My wooly socks padded on the hardwood floor on the way to the bluetooth speaker. Turning it on and pressing a few buttons on my phone, christmas tunes started to play. "That's better," I mumbled.

Sitting back down, Andy smirked at me. I was confused for a second, until he dipped his finger into one of the bowls of icing and slowly licked it off.

"Andy!" I cried out. "You know how gross that is, stop," I whined.

"No way, it's just so sweet," he said, finishing off what was left on his finger. "Reminds me of someone..."

A rose tint surfaced on my cheeks.

He dipped two fingers back into the icing, but I swatted at his hand as he pulled them out. He brought them to his lips, but he didn't lick them off this time. "You can't even blame me, when I'm deprived of the real treat I want," he teased, looking me dead in the eyes. In an instant, he reached across the table and swiped the two icing-clad fingers across my nose.

"Andy!" I squealed, wiping the sticky residue off of my face. "Oh, now you've done it," I said with a grin.

"What?" He asked cheekily. "Show me what I did, sweetheart."

Pushing myself up from the table, I dipped my whole hand in icing and lunges forward, knocking the gingerbread house over and smearing icing all in his beard. My hand stayed in his beard, and both of our eyes were wide and mouths agape.

At once, boisterous laughter from both of us filled the room. In one swift motion, he pulled me onto his lap from where I was on the table, landing with a soft thump.

Pressing his lips to mine, he made sure the kiss was extra sloppy. He made sure he spread the icing from his beard all over my face. When I finally pulled away from the kiss with puffy lips and a heaving chest, there was icing on every inch of my face.

"You bastard," I breathed out.

"Oh you wanna call me names? Let's see what other ones I can make spill out of that pretty mouth, shall we?"

Let's just say we didn't get to finish the gingerbread house that night.

TAGLIST:

@sunflowercaptian @zaddychris @ilovemarvel-andcats

CEVANS/CHARACTERS TAGLIST:

@patzammit

[oberynmartell]

Jon x Sansa fics — Masterlist 

so i’ve been meaning to do this for literal years but i was too lasy to do it. however, i’ve been asked a few more times and i’ve seen my friends do some excellent masterlists so i finally, finally, finally decided to complete my jonsa tumblr fic masterlist! these are just my fics from tumblr, not those from ao3, however some of them might overlap (i just dont remember which)

Jon rescuing Sansa from King’s Landing *

Medieval bedding ceremony *

Sansa teasing Jon publicly and making him hard af *

Jon and Sansa share the Lord and Lady room of Winterfell.

Sansa helps Jon clean up after the Battle of the Bastards

“Jon wargs into Ghost so he can watch Sansa undress. He gets the shock of a lifetime when Sansa reveals she knows what he’s been doing.“ *

much more below the cut: 

“I will come back from the dead for you, my love.” *

snowed in with Jon and Sansa *

“if you don’t want to talk about what happened, then say so. don’t just lie and say it’s fine.” 

part two + smut *

"who gave you that black eye!?”

The skirt is supposed to be this short.”

“Don’t say you love me.”

Jon marking Sansa *

Sansa being married to Willas but having an affair with Jon *

Jon is getting hot and sweaty doing some work around the house or somewhere. Sansa is supposed to be working too but she is very distracted.

“I’ve been in love with you my entire life.”

"You're hiding something from me"

Jon and Sansa accidentally caught in a compromising position *

“Do you need anything from the store?

Jon and their little son waking Sansa up in her name day

"They’ve been fighting for days now, living apart from each other, not even speaking. It’s begun to wear so deeply upon them that by now neither one can even remember what they were fighting about in the first place. By now Jon reckons it’s time to make up…“ *

modern au friends to lovers

Jon and Sansa mutual masturbation *

Sansa accidentally coming in on Jon masturbating to a video of her *

dragon riding 

Sansa being really, really horny while she’s pregnant and Jon being more than happy to help *

In my dreams I kiss your cunt, your sweet, wet cunt. In my thoughts I make love to you all day. *

Sansa is frustrated because she can’t masturbate, and then she asks for Jon’s help. *

Jon, pregnant Sansa and little Ned get ready for Arya's wedding with Gendry

S8 Fix It Fic

“It is natural for them to seek comfort in each other’s arms, for two Starks are stronger than one. And as he whispers to her each night, when she awakens with fear clawing through her and his face fresh in her mind, the lone wolf may die, but the pack survives.” *

Jonsa’ first kiss fluff

Sansa accidentally coming upon Jon at the hot springs....and not leaving right away*

secret relationship au — Jon accidentally throwing Sansa off a couch when Arya comes home early

Jon accidentally calling Sansa his “friend” and Sansa punishing him *

Sansa comforting Jon when he has nightmares

Fighting and then having make up sex *

Sansa finally stops resisting her attraction to Jon and seduces him *

in vino veritas *

Jon and Sansa share the Lord and Lady room of Winterfell.

“You got her pregnant?! What were you thinking?”

Daddy kink *

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

“Your lips are so soft. I could kiss them all day.”  *

Jon and Sansa trying to decide on children’s names

Jon returning to Winterfell

Jonsa orgasm denial *

Sansa confessing her wish for Jon to go down on her *

Jon and Sansa sneaking around Winterfell at night *

it was not uncommon to spend their nights together, and the moment she enters the Lord’s tent behind him, he had practically been able to smell her. *

Modern Jonsa phone sex *

“Lift your skirts for me.” *

Outlander inspired wedding night *

“You taste so sweet. My sweet girl.” *

One/Two Sentence Stories:

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Dany/Jon/Sansa

Holiday Fics

Halloween

Jon and Sansa trying to choose a couples costume to wear for halloween

another Jon and Sansa trying to choose a couples costume for halloween lol 

“You don’t recognize me, then?” — Sansa in costume and Jon not recognising her) *

Jon and Sansa both sick on Halloween

Semi public sex at a Hallow’s Eve party

Pregnant Sansa with Jon and their family on Halloween Night

Christmas

I saw mummy kissing Santa Clause

Valentine’s Day

“You deserve a Lord or a Prince. Not a bastard.”

Gods, I just want to come home. All day long I’ve been dying to eat pizza and watch The X-Files with you.’”

He was like a brother to Sansa. Or…he should have been.*

Chaptered Fics

Winter’s Queen *

part one

part two

part three

Threesome/Polyamory Fics

Jon x Sansa x Daenerys being married *

Jon x Sansa x Robb *

* contains smut

if you enjoyed any of these stories please consider sending me a small tip!

[alysmarylin]

The fic you've been waiting for

Crowley avenging his beloved angel - Sandalphon got what he deserved (don't thank me, reblog instead)!!!!!!!!

Crowley and Aziraphale were unpacking the stuff they bought on a big shopping Sunday, and to this very day Crowley can't remember why and how they ended up talking about Aziraphale's, well... Ex-kin.

"I kinda enjoyed Michael", Crowley laughed. "Rather good-looking. Uriel, on the other hand..."

"Don't get me started on Uriel and Sandalphon", Aziraphale rolled his eyes. "I hate their guts"

"Sandalphon was a tough prick, I remember. And uglier than Belzebub", Crowley sneered.

"You don't say. He works in my place now, homophobic son of a... They couldn't have picked a worse candidate", Aziraphale said in a somewhat hurt voice. 

"Don't worry, angel. Soon enough, he will receive some beating from locals, I tell you"

"Yeah, I should've definitely punched that bastard back", Aziraphale muttered under his nose quietly, angrily. 

" Yeah, you bet...", Crowley laughed and then stopped abruptly. "W-w-wait, wait-wait-wait. Back? What do you mean, back?". Crowley stood up from the floor and stepped up to Aziraphale. 

" Nothing, really"

"No, not nothing". Crowley's eyes were widened in shock. " Do you mean, that, that piece of shit HIT you?!"

Aziraphale lowered his eyes. It looked like the memory wasn't pleasant. Crowley was gasping.

"When? When did it happen? How come I didn't know?", Crowley was not yet angry but more frightened. " Angel, look at me. Talk to me. Someone battered you and I know nothing of it?!"

"No one battered me. I was walking back to my bookshop and Michael, Uriel and... And he approached me, I was questioned..."

"Where the Hell was I?" - Crowley asked, astonished.

"You drove home", Aziraphale said quietly and sadly.

Crowley tilted his head backward and sighed with despair. "I should've known... ". He lowered his head and looked at Aziraphale with sadness and pain. Aziraphale looked confused and lost.

" What did he do? Tell me, angel", Crowley stepped closer, putting his hand on Aziraphale's arm, leaning closer. "Tell me. He's dead"

"Don't you dare, Crowley, we got away and I won't..."

"What did he do to you? What? Why didn't you tell me? I was up there, I saw him, I could've..."

"Because I didn't want you to", Aziraphale answered bitterly. " I needed you to be concentrated and cool-headed. You freed me from them, same as I did for you. That's all that matters"

"No, it's not. You look sad, you look hurt", Crowley said, cupping Aziraphale's cheek. " Otherwise you would've forgotten".

"He punched me in the stomach, alright?", Aziraphale said with a lump in his throat. His lower lip trmbled a bit. "It wasn't as painful physically as it was humiliating".

Crowley looked down on his angel's belly - soft, beautiful, beloved and precious - and everything before his eyes suddenly became red as blood.

"I told you because I trust you, but if you dare approach him or pull out something stupid like that, I will leave you, Crowley", he heard Aziraphale's voice from some distance.

"Do you hear me? Answer me, Crowley"

Crowley felt his head filling with lead from within.

"I will not approach him. I swear it"

"Good", he hears Aziraphale say. " I'll finish unpacking"

Crowley stopped Aziraphale, holding him by the arm. He embraced him from behind, wrapping one of his arms around his chest and putting his hand gently on the angel's belly. He buried his nose in his soft blonde curls and muttered: "I love you".

"I love you too", Aziraphale answered softly, "Now let me finish".

Crowley looked at him, picking up paper bags and arranging the stuff around the room, looking small and soft and lovely. Somehow it made his silent rage all the more burning and red became crimson in his eyes. He swore he wouldn't approach that sick fuck who laid his dirty hands - no, he couldn't bear to think of it - on Aziraphale

... But he said nothing of his friends.

***

Crowley pulled his hood further on his forehead

"Pleasure to see you, Jay. You look like a heroin addict in that hoody", said Phil. 

"I have to hide my hair somehow. Rare color"

Crowley was nervous and feeling restless.

"Yep. You're drop-dead gorgeous lad, we get it. To what I owe the pleasure?"

"I need to track someone down. Name's Saldanphon but he changes his IDs every now and then. You'll have to check for anything similar. Don't have a picture, but I draw him", Crowley laid a piece of paper on a table. The drawing looked fairly accurate. " Looks middle-aged, a bit fat, bald, ugly, has a golden tooth. A homophobe might be hanging around gay bars and the likes to preach or intimidate or whatever he does. That's all I have as of now".

"Well", Phil sighed " It's doable. But it will take a while. Any family?"

"No, none at all"

"I see. The golden tooth is indeed something". Phil looked at Crowley's hand. "You got married?"

"Ugh, yeah", Crowley answered looking around. " You know how to, ehm, tell me of the progress?"

"I've been around longer than you", Phil said wearily, and Crowley had to keep his mouth shut on that remark, " You'll know when I find something. Just one more thing. This, ehm, funny-named morality apostle. What exactly are you planning? He's gonna go?"

"No, not go", Crowley said with sheer disappointment "Plainly be taught a lesson. He put his shitty hands where he shouldn't have".

"Are you gonna call our mutual friend?", Phil raised his eyebrows. " If you want to make it clean, it's the best way. They'll never track his men down. Just food for thought, Jay. A piece of advice from the old man"

"That sounds reasonable", Crowley nodded, as if he had had any idea what to do next when he came to Phil, " I'll think about it. Thank you. Wanna count?". He put a book - a fake book, of course - on a table.

"Here? Oh, please. Trust me, if I don't find what I intend to find here, you'll know", Phil put a book in his bag and stood up. " Have a nice day, kid. Next time, wear something else"

Crowley waited for ten more minutes before leaving the diner. It was only when he was in a crowdy underground station when he put the hood off. He had to be cautious. For everyone's sake.

 

***

 

"Do you really think it's a good place, Jay?", said a tall and broad bald man in a leather jacket, trying to sit comfortably on a bench by a pond.

"The best one, in terms of privacy", said Crowley, looking grimly from his hood. " So. You said you owe me a favor all the way back from 1999. I didn't need anything for a long time, but now..."

"How do you manage to look so young, you sick bastard?", the man asked, chuckling, trying to look at Crowley's face. " You look just like my son, and that sad excuse of an heir is 27 now, not something you could tell by the way he speaks, though, I'd give him 10  in that department, still... How old are you, anyway?"

"I use a strong sunscreen. And I have good genes. Good, hardworking Irish people, my entire family. Will you listen or not, Patsy?"

A bald man stopped laughing and sighed.

"Of course. What seems to be the problem?"

"Our mutual buddy, Phil, tracked down a guy I need you to deal with. Here's what I've got on him", Crowley took a piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to a man without so much as looking at his side. " I want your people to teach him a lesson. He's gotta stay alive. I can't be seen. But I need to watch it from a distance. I know you're ready to do this, but still" - Crowley took out something that looked like a book and put it on Patsy's lap still without looking at him - "this is some additional motivation for you, or a token of a good will, if you wish to call it that way".

Patsy put down an apparently-book-thing in his suitcase and opened a piece of paper. He looked at Crowley, frowning.

" What kind of a lesson do you want him to be taught, exactly?"

"If your boys will do it properly, he'll need new teeth", Crowley said, finally turning his head to his counterpart, looking him in the eyes from beneath his shaded. "The whole damn package. And the old ones, I want to have them. Every single one. Especially the golden one. No internal bleeding, no injuries to any organs. You can break a couple of ribs, but carefully. As you wish. But I need his teeth"

"Jesus fucking Christ, Jay", the Patsy man said, looking flabbergasted. " What did this son of a bitch did to you so you became such a butcher"

"He laid his shitty hands where he shouldn't have", Crowley hissed, grinding his teeth. His hands clenched in fists.

" You didn't tell me you were married. Was this your wife?", Patsy asked warily.

"I have no wife, but I am indeed married", Crowley answered. " I know you're one of the few people of your occupation who don't look down on things like that. I love him. But I swore I won't touch this bastard myself. I don't have much choice, Pat"

"I'm sorry it happened to your, well, spouse", Patsy said carefully. " But the guys that I have in my crew are not as open-minded as I wish they were. You know it yourself. Ours is not the most prestigious job. I'll do this favor, but when you're sitting in a car with them, better keep the personal personal". 

They shook hands.

"I'll be waiting for your call. You know which number to call, and which not to", Crowley said, standing up. "I'm looking forward to seeing your team at work".

 

***

 

Crowley was staring into the field glasses, trying looking at two tall men in leather jackets dragging a bald man resembling Sandalphon, gagged and tied up, to a torch on the abandoned parking lot. The jeep where Crowley and his associates were sitting was right in its darkest corner.

It was Christmas Eve, the 24th of December. The snow was falling gloriously, but the place was too grim and damp for the fairy-tale-like spirit.

“You see them, Cap?”, a young driver, sitting by Crowley’s side asked.

“It looks like him, but I need insurance. I remember his voice. Call them”

One of the guys on the backseat dialed a number and one of the bouncers took the phone.

“Our cap wants so be sure it’s the guy. Let him speak”

He turned on the speakerphone. Soon enough Crowley heard Sandalphon screaming something like:

“I’ll give you anything you want, please, untie me, I need my hands, I…”, before Crowley nodded and Sandalphon became silent again. The phone was turned off and Sandalphon was dragged to a small staircase, and Crowley had to pay very close attention, looking into field glasses again, to recognize what was going on.

“Are you sure your people can do ALL the teeth in one go?”, he asked a bit unsurely.

“You insult us, Mr. Jay. It is our signature. One strike, all teeth. Leaves a strong message”, murmured a young man behind him.

“Well, then…”, Crowley started, but then he saw something rather outstanding, that made him make a certain sound: “Oi, woah… That was surprising… Alright, gentlemen, pardon me for my previous skepticism. I take that back. On second thought, I even refuse to take, the, ehm, the evidence”

He then heard his phone ring. It had to be Aziraphale. He had to answer. He quickly took the phone and blurted:

“Angel, honey, I can’t talk, I’m very busy, buying you a surprise, I’ll call you back in ten, love you”, without letting him even say a word. He figured out it would be more secure.

“Wife?”, asked a second young man, with a smile.

“Yeah. Sort of. Listen, I think I’d rather be going, are they done with the teeth? At the end of the day, I’ll think I’m more than happy without them. I don’t wanna take ‘em. I saw what you did, it was amazing. Drop me at the underground station, please… Else my, ehm, spouse, will be suspecting something, which I don’t fancy, like, at all”.

 

Crowley was very relieved when they drove away.

 

***

 

Crowley thought he had never had such a lovely Christmas morning. Angel was by his side, in his lovely tartan pajamas, they were tucked under the blanket, sipping tea and lazily switching the channels on telly.

“I thought I hated Christmas”, Crowley said quietly, as he lowered his head to Aziraphale’s, planting a soft kiss on his temple. “Now you made me love it. What next, angel?”

“You’ll stop wearing all black?”, Aziraphale answered, with a sarcastic smile.

“Naah, not in this life and not in the next”, Crowley said leisurely, switching the channels. Then he saw the news.

“… The victim of this horrific Christmas assault is alive, but severely traumatized – his teeth were…”

That was something Crowley didn’t account for – the bloody news.

“Ugh, what is it with these people”, he said with a trembling voice, trying desperately to sound casual, turning the telly off. “It’s only violence on this television, I’ll better put on some music. And make you some tea”, Crowley said, standing up.

“Dear boy”, Aziraphale said softly. “I’d like some tangerines. Would you be so kind as to bring your husband a plateful of those?”, he smiled. Crowley looked like he was melting from the inside.

“Every time you say the h-word I can’t say no to anything, angel. I’ll be in 15, a’right”

Crowley sighed with relief as he stepped into the kitchen. He was off the hook now, but some time from now, the angel might still learn about what happened. Will he be able to understand?

“All I did, I did for you”, Crowley thought in pain. “I love you so much I couldn’t stop it. He had to pay, my love, he had to”. Crowley felt tears fill his eyes, as he was putting tangerines in a bowl, but he was able to will them away. “I’d kill for you, I’d die for you, Aziraphale”, he thought with anguish. “I hope you know that whatever comes. I hope you will forgive me for what I had to do”.

 ***

 

With Crowley gone, Aziraphale was finally able to read the newspaper.

 

“Broken teeth, that’s a good take”, he thought smugly, as he read the weekly crime report. “See, Sandalphon. What goes around, comes around, next time you want to apply brutal force to your… arguments, better remember this, no? Though I doubt there will be the next time”

Aziraphale smirked. What his husband lacked in logic and cautiousness, he made up in loyalty and protectiveness. Blind loyalty and fierce protectiveness.

“You’re such an idiot, Crowley”, Aziraphale thought tenderly. “Really, A-J? To think I wouldn’t know? Me, famous Mr. Fell of Soho?”

That very evening, when he received a phone call from Phil and heard of some “heroin junkie looking” guy calling himself “Tony Jay” or “A J”, or, God have mercy, “Jay”, of all things, he knew it has to be Crowley.

“Wearing a black hoodie on top of his shades, really. It’s a miracle he didn’t get busted for drug possession”. Maybe it was indeed a miracle.

Truth be told, he wasn’t angry. He couldn’t approve openly, but there was a certain warmness in knowing that a homophobic golden-toothed prick who assaulted him now got what was coming for him.

“But I can’t encourage this sort of behavior in Crowley”, he thought, hiding his smile. “Now, dear boy, you need to control your impulses. At least, most of the time”.

Still, Aziraphale knew that he was one of the luckiest men – well, not really men, but… - alive, for his partner would stop at nothing to protect him.

“If only he would’ve acted a bit cleverer… Well, I suppose you can’t have it all. He’s beautiful, caring, kind, sweet, fiercely loyal and sexy as Hell, in the most literal sense of this word. It’s only natural he has to be a complete idiot to not let me forget myself. Oh, he brought me the cannoli the other day… This boy watched The Godfather too many times”.

 

“Angel!”, Crowley said, entering the room with a bowl full of tangerines. “What are you smiling at?”

“I’m thinking about how lucky I am to have you, dear boy”, Aziraphale answered with a loving smile.

[theprodigypenguin]

what do I do if I want to read all of your stories cause I read one a long time ago and love it bUt am afraid of becoming anxious cause you have a lot of them? you kind of captivated me and now I want to listen (read, actually) to all the stuff you say (write) here on tumblr or on ao3, and comment in all of the content just because you deserve the support since you're pretty awesome, BUT I AM SO AFRAID OH GOD I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO YOU'RE COOL AND I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND BUT CAN'T SO AAA sorry

Anon you’re the sweetest ever and this is the nicest message I could have gotten before going to bed, thank you so much for sending this. If you want to read all my stories in a binge then please be my guest, and I hope you enjoy all of them to your hearts desire, but please don’t feel any responsibility to comment on every single one. Of course I absolutely adore every single comment I’ve ever gotten, and I’ll appreciate every comment you might end up leaving, but I know sometimes it’s difficult to articulate how a fic made you feel. If you leave comments, I fucking worship you, but I’ll be just as happy if you simply enjoy my work.

Don’t ever be afraid to send me messages, and if it makes you feel more comfortable I’m totally fine if you just want to ask me questions through anon. I know sometimes reaching out to people you admire can be super scary, but I definitely encourage you to contact me at least through anon, which would be a lot less intimidating. I love getting questions about my work or just nice anons now and then, and I really enjoy interacting with people who enjoy my fics.

Of course I really have to tell you, I’m not special or really cool in any way. I’m just some trash bag who likes Jeddy. I’m just a normal fan like anyone else, so you don’t have to be afraid to contact me. I definitely won’t be able to reply to every single DM (I’m pretty busy irl because I work full time and just can’t keep up with that kind of thing, please understand), and I'm not be the greatest friend, but I’ll try to respond to anons and messages here as often as I get them.

As for my fics, I definitely see how it might be intimidating that I have so many. If it helps I can put a list of all my Cursed Child/Harry Potter work on my Ao3 (theprodigypenguin) with their word count so it makes things less intimidating:

Love Me Tender (4k words, rated G) “Teddy loved James. Tender and true; and James loved Teddy back.”

Memory, Memory (3k words, rated G) “Teddy visits his parents grave every year on the same day, but he always goes alone. This year turns out a bit different.”

Damages (27k words, rated M) “James wasn’t one to hide things about himself from the people around him. He was brought up to be proud of who he was, every piece of himself. He wasn’t ashamed of his sexuality or his preferences, the gender he was attracted to or otherwise, and his family wasn’t ashamed of it either. No, in the end he was ashamed not for who he was, but for who he loved, and the fear that everyone else would be ashamed and would hate him for the same thing.”

Stargazing (2k words, rated G) “The lack of lighting made his eyes look like glass covering shadows, mirrors that had no discernible color but reflected all the stars that he seemed so entirely enthralled with. He looked like a charcoal oil painting on canvas, and Teddy was starting to become an avid art lover.”

Woke the F*ck Up (10k words, rated G) “When an ex who broke it off because James wouldn’t put out re-enters his life and asks to have lunch together, James reaches out to Auror partner Teddy Lupin, who’s all too happy to help scare away the little bastard, no matter how he has to do it.”

OK (13k words, rated M) “An Auror mission gone awry proves just how essential having a specialized clinic for Lycanthrope-Afflicted witches and wizards is.”

Bones (15k words, rated E) “The Potter’s and Weasley’s had always been Teddy’s unofficial family, he’d grown up with them after all, but in the past he never would have imagined actually joining their family. Till now that is, and there was no one else Teddy would have wanted to share this day with.”

Slow Down Time (6k words, rated G) “It was so domestic, Teddy always found himself in awe of it. That he’d grown up almost entirely alone, and somehow was blessed with this family. There had always been an empty space in his heart that could never be filled by those he grew up with.It was an empty space that ached unimaginably whenever he looked at pictures of his parents, whenever he visited their grave or saw it was May second on the calendar, because what he longed for the most was family of his own, his parents, shared blood, and now he had that.”

Creation Out of Nothing (4k words, rated G) “In retrospect, Lily and Lysander don’t have much in common, but if you can’t bond over feelings of self doubt and the concept of not being good enough for your family, then what else are you supposed to bond over?”

Just a Scary Dream (5k words, rated G) “When they were younger, Albus always went to James when he had a particularly bad dream. He grew out of it, but in light of recent events, the murders of Craig and his grandparents and his involvement with Delphini, the bad dreams had just gotten worse, and only one person was ever able to help him through those nightmares.”

Moon Sick (9k words, rated G) “James is in his final year at Hogwarts, seventeen and thriving, but no matter how long he’d spent in Slughorn’s class over the past few years, he still didn’t much see the point of potions, and he was running out of time to finally get motivated about it. His seventeenth Christmas at The Burrow, however, proves a better teacher and motivator than Slughorn or his father ever were, as a dear friend becomes ill, where the only method of healing and relief is through the brewing of a special tonic. Though James has little to no interest in such things, if it’s to help relieve the pain of someone he truly cares for, he would do just about anything.”

Thicker Than Water (15k words, rated G) “James Sirius Potter loves his family, and he isn’t shy about announcing it. He’ll say it to their faces and say it to whoever is listening, that he loves his parents and his amazing sister, his cousins, aunts and uncles, even his ever frustrating younger brother, Albus. Difficult he may be to talk to sometimes, James still loves him, even if he struggles to make Albus understand that; but when Albus disappears not once, but three times, before the first term back at school is even halfway over, James starts to wonder, maybe he didn’t tell Albus he loved him nearly enough, and worries if he didn’t start saying it sooner, he’d lose his chance to entirely.”

Holiday Dysfunction (26k words in 5 chapters, incomplete, rated G) “People say that if you have a confession to tell, the best thing to do would be to simply rip it off like a Band-aid, but for Albus that metaphorical Band-aid has been stuck in place for the past six years, and it’s hard enough talking to your dad when he happens to be Harry Potter, so it makes things a little more complicated when you’re also in love and married to the son of your father’s former school rival and ex-death-eater. Throw a new kid into the blend and the Holiday Season just gets more festive.”

Stupid Deep (24k words in 6 chapters, incomplete/ongoing, rated E) “October of 1981 came and went, Halloween night left James Potter with lasting mental and physical scars, his wife lost to him and his son marked by a madman who had the audacity to disappear before James could get his revenge. He’d lost so much in so short a time: his loving parents, his beloved wife, his long time friend; a betrayal that stung more than the curse to his chest ever could. He struggled to live, he regretted every breath, only living because he had to, because he had Harry to look after, but he ached in ways that shouldn’t ever be endured by any human. James thought for sure everything was lost, even the things he still had seemed too far away and easy to lose. He doubted anything in the world could make it less painful. Until a chance miracle is brought to light, a former infatuation rekindled into burning flames, and the Gryffindor bravery James thought was long lost roars back to life inside of him. He’d lost so much, but if he could help it, he would not lose this. Not again.”

I hope this helps, love! And thank you for sending in such a sweet message!

[theangrypokemaniac]

Ma and Pa James?

Best parents in Pokémon.

Hear me out now.

The only reason they appear bad is because they're visible, but compared to the rest?

• Ash's dad abandoned him. Or, if you prefer, Ash's dad is a Mafia crime lord who abandoned him.

• Misty's parents walked out on four children.

• Brock's dad left a wife and ten kids, and then was a failure at what he left for. Given his libido there's probably a lot of other disregarded offspring he sired on the road.

• Brock's mom was a noble, long-suffering saint who died of exhaustion, and then they decided to resurrect her, making her more of a scumbag than her husband, so she's just dead to me.

• Jessie's mom had the decency to die, although in some versions she just didn't come back.

• Jessie's dad never even existed.

• Gary's parents buggered off.

• Tracey has no background whatsoever.

Everyone is either an orphan or from a broken home with no contact with one or both of their parents.

And you wonder why children leave home at ten years old. There's no bloody home to go home to!

By bothering to bring up their own child Ma and Pa James are morally superior to everyone else.

About the only competition they've got in the parenting stakes is Ash's mom, but however much you love Dame Ketchum (and I do), at best she fell pregnant in her teens to a deadbeat who dumped her at the first oppotunity, and at worst may have been a gangster's moll.

In consequence of such recklessness, those mischievous shippers match her with every animal, vegetable and mineral under the sun, the rascals!

I know what you're going to say:

Oh what about May and Max?

Bah! That's a sham marriage if ever there was one. Norman is what's known scientifically as a mad bastard going through the typical male mid-life crisis, and consequently having it away with that Nurse Joy.

Ooh, foul temptress!

You think I swallowed that blatant lie about the fireworks? As if!

Oh of course, Joy became a pyrotechnician! That'll come in use in her daily life.

She makes the night go with a bang.

If you want to take it further:

• Dawn has a pushy mom but no dad.

• Iris lives in the woods.

• Cilan has to wait tables.

• Serena has a shark-eyed, domineering mother but no dad.

• Clemont and Bonnie got no mom and their dad's a fantasist.

Don't bring up the Alola mugs as examples of fine behaviour, because as I pointed out...

Them fecking inbreds! Freaks of nature!

It's a strange world, is Pokémon. On the one hand, it's a harsh enough environment that producing children and then leaving them to survive or die is socially acceptable, and so common that no one thinks anything of it.

On the other, despite a constant stream of strangers passing through as well as the perils of electrified or poison-spewing animals, it's so safe that when your child runs away from home, you just shrug and wait for it to come back, and don't alert the police to mount a full-scale search whilst you fall into hysterics imagining them lying face down in a ditch.

Then when they do turn up, rather than you being swamped in an overflow of relief, tears, welcome, all is forgiven, you sit there whilst they get beaten for their impudence, therefore submitting them to the kind of treatment that caused them to run off in the first place, presumably as punishment for leaving.

Actually, it's probably worse treatment, as I bet Little Jessibelle didn't own a whip, nor have access to such a variety of implements of torture.

But apart from those minor details, just consider all the positive aspects of James's parents:

• They stayed together!

• They have the one lasting, happy marriage!

• They kept the magic alive!

• They didn't walk out on their son!

• They're generous with knitwear!

• And candied peel!

• And ice-cream sandwiches!

• They spoilt him on Kids' Day!

• And at Christmas!

• It's not as if James has no good memories of childhood.

• They got loadsa money!

• And a massive house!

• And a swimming pool!

• And stately homes all over!

• They only had one child so James will inherit it all!

• They're kind to Magikarp! Shame they didn't pass that down.

• They let a little boy have a fire-breathing dog as a pet!

• They looked after the dog when James left!

• They kept the dog despite Jessibelle's protestations because he's their boy's dog!

• They gave a mansion to the dog!

• The dog's in the family portrait because they bloody love that dog!

• James loves his parents enough to leave Growlie behind to protect them!

• James put their welfare above being with Growlie himself!

• He trusts Growlie will be safe in their hands!

• They care so much about James's future they found him a bride!

• They chose a young, pretty girl for a daughter-in-law, one whose looks are evidently to James's taste! They do know him well then.

• Yes, she's a bit odd, but you can't fault Jessibelle for keeness. She's certainly fully committed to the relationship.

• They made a valiant attempt to pull James away from the criminal underworld, where success is stealing from children and failure is grinding poverty, starvation, pain and misery.

• They want him comfortable, settled and law-abiding.

• Doing so shows more concern for him than practically all the other moms and dads put together.

• One of them has parents, giving James the most complete family tree of anyone.

• They have a nice design, resembling James to be believable as parents, but distinctive enough to be memorable.

• They're certainly not boring.

• Their son knows where they live!

• When he wanted rid, James had to leave them!

• They're not violent, they just let it happen!

• It's The Untold Love Story of Pokémon!

• Pa loves Ma and isn't creeping off to Nurse Joy's bedsit to give 'er one!

Unlike some I could name.

I can't believe sleazy couplings like Flint and Lola's are honoured with ship names when True Love like this isn't celebrated!

MaAndPaShipping here we come.

If you live in Pokémon, they're the best pair of parents you can hope for.

God bless 'em!

[squib-city]

“Do not be followed by its commonplace appearance. Like so many things, it is not what is outside, but what is inside that counts.”— Merchant (Aladdin)

may 5 2020 - axel's birthday

"Remind me again why you are making me go home?" Axel tugged on his necktie but the French silk slipped through his fingers only serving to tighten the noose even worse than before. He sputtered a bit, cheeks and nose turning red as the yellow fabric cut into his windpipe. He reached over to slap Delilah, and instead tugged on her hair.

"No! Don't touch!" Delilah smacked him back, the edges of her nails tapping his cheek.

"It's too tight--"

"Men are such babies, I'm in six inches stilettos and you are undone by a bit of silk?" Delilah put down her lipstick, only the top half of her lip done, and reached out to fix it back up. "Stop complaining anyway, I thought you said you wanted to go back home and see your Father."

"Yeah, Father but not Mum!" Axel smoothed down the edges of his cuffs, the little cufflinks were silver-plated loaves of bread, a gag gift from Delilah on his fifteenth birthday but nonetheless well-loved and cared for. "Mum hasn't spoken to me since we graduated, then we get some letter to attend a luncheon at the Manor?"

Delilah hummed as she turned back to applying her lipstick, touching up her eyes, and picking out jewelry, "Maybe they want to make amends?"

"Sidewinder's don't make amends we ignore things to the point of invisibility or kill it!"

Delilah sighed as she put on her moss opals, running her fingers through her dark curls and pulling the hair away from the nape of her neck. "Do me up?" The laces were already tugged snug against her soft frame, but Axel reached over to straighten and tighten the bastardized corset properly. His fingers worked even as his mouth continued a mile a minute.

"I mean honestly what are they playing at - a birthday luncheon! They haven't seen me in three years, no notes or even a Christmas card. At most Roland sees me and that's just cause he's a weird stalker who wants to put me in Azkaban--"

"Roland isn't going to put you in Azkaban," Delilah tugged at the corset's boning.

"-- and then there are the cousins, who are the worst! I ran into Sabrina the other day and she nearly clocked me for helping her out of the muck she fell into!"

"Do you think silver really goes with this dress?" Delilah rolled her shoulders back a bit and tugged on her necklace, squinting a bit.

"To top it all off it was Warren who wrote it out! I can tell it was him, we both do that weird thing with our L's that no one else does. I blame him for the teachers at St. George's rapping my knuckles when I turned in handwritten essays--"

"Axel!"

The corset was far too tight, cinching Delilah's waist as a terrible shade of red blocked up her neck and cheeks. Axel pulled on the strings again, letting the fabric sit snug against her bodyline instead of asphyxiating.

"Sorry sorry I'm just--"

"Nervous," Delilah turned tugging on the low neckline to wrap her arms around his shoulders, tucking her nose into the dip in his chest between his pectoral muscles, her fingers digging into the muscle of his shoulder blades. Axel soothed his hands down Delilah's arms and back. "Listen, it's just a luncheon, if anything goes wrong I'll tie them up with my words and we can come back home. I can go bully Val while you whine about being neighborly then we can get rip roarin' drunk and throw water balloons at Roland while he patrols."

"That does sound good..."

Delilah leaned up to kiss the bridge of his nose, leaving a smear of lipstick in her wake. Axel rubbed at it, the waxy red covering his palm. "You're the best son they could have asked for, just cause they're blind and stupid doesn't mean they can make you feel blind and stupid."

"They aren't stupid."

"Yes, they are if they can't see the wonderful, loyal, and loving son they have in front of them. If you had magic you'd be right there with Roland, in Auror Blacks. And even though you don't have their kinda magic you tried so hard ..." Delilah bit her lip. "You're more than enough Axel, they just act like they can't see it cause it hurts their ridiculous pride." Axel flushed again, tugging on his tie.

"Stop that, we're gonna be late," she fixed his tie again, rubbing off her lipstick and straightening his hair. "Let's go, the quicker we get there quicker we can leave."

Delilah tugged his hand again, smiling, cheeks blocking up her eyes and a bit of lipstick on her teeth. The bubble of air in Axel's chest popped when he looked down at his best friend, and let out a small happy sigh, letting the terribleawfulfeeling go away.

"Yeah, Father hates people being late." Axel walked out of the apartment, watching as Delilah sprayed on her perfume, finished up her hair, and smiled prettily into the mirror.

He held his arm out when she exited, waved to Val who was walking up the street, and clicked his heels together, once, twice, then three times. A loud bang echoed around them as they did a bastardized teleportation to Ipswich, both hoping for a better outcome than what they got. But at least, Axel thought, they had each other.